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bookofmirth · 3 years ago

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I saw your recent response to an anon where you mentioned the drama that occurred the other day based around bookprofessor’s post. Obviously you don’t have to respond to this or publish it if you do not wish but I just wanted to bring up that while it is important to focus on the real life issues at hand, the OP was hypocritical in her post which is why people were getting upset. She was preaching against ableism while simultaneously flaunting her IQ and degree which is a form of ableism. She was speaking out against racism while ending her post using the racial slur “cracker” when talking about the possibly Caucasian Twitter elriels.

Obviously she had some important points but it was completely overshadowed by her participation in the hate speech and prejudice that she was speaking out against.

This does not in any way justify the nasty messages she received but on the same hand, I do not blame anyone that called her out for her hypocrisy. I hope you can understand why her post was so negatively received and how flawed it was. My hope is that one day everyone can just ignore the negativity, report those who are being racist/prejudiced in any way, and block those who are just being loud and who you don’t wish to see content from. But unfortunately I do not see that happening any time soon.

There are a few things I want to address in this because I think it's a good moment for the fandom to step back and reflect on how we treat one another, how we react to such issues, and how we behave moving forward.

First off, thanks for explaining your point of view without being antagonistic. I do think that everyone's emotional reactions to the post were valid. I do NOT think their responses, in terms of words and actions, were valid. Now before I move forward, I want to clarify that when I use the word "you", I am referring to anyone who may have had the response I am describing - not you personally, anon. Also please don’t freak out about how long this is, as a majority of it is a response to the fandom in general, not you in particular.

What was - and wasn’t - said in the original post

In this post, there were completely valid criticisms of the way that people in this fandom behave, and it wasn’t “generalizing” a certain group, it was literal, actual proof of things that had been said, by multiple people. I’m not going to get too into what Alyssa argued because her critiques of those tweets was flawless. The original post had very valid criticisms of what was happening on Twitter. Alyssa exposed the actually racist, homophobic, and imperialistic underpinnings of those tweets.

However, a lot of people are stuck on the bits before and after those critiques. @bookprofessor apologized for different aspects of her post in a few different asks. There were perhaps better ways that some of those things could have been phrased, some things that could have been left out. And she apologized. People can accept that apology or not but we can’t act like it didn’t happen. Like she didn’t reflect and learn to do better.

However, the people she was calling out have not done the same thing, and if anything, comments that focus more on Alyssa’s tone than why she wrote the post in the first place lets those people off the hook.

On cracker - Using the word "cracker" is not racist in the same way that using racial slurs against POC is. Is it prejudiced? Yes. But you cannot say that it is the same thing when that is demonstrably untrue, given centuries of oppressive history. No one has been oppressed for being white. Those are not the same. Reverse racism is not a thing because a white person punching down on POC is NOT AT ALL the same thing as a POC punching up at white people. The actions look the same, but the impact is so unequal it’s not even funny.

Racism is a systemic, institutionalized problem. It is not defined by individual actions, though those actions can either support or challenge racism. When someone calls a white person a cracker, there isn’t centuries of oppression giving power to and reinforcing that statement. That is not a “gotcha” moment.

Saying “I have x IQ” or “I have X degrees” is not ableist. I’m sorry to whoever told you it was ableist (again, not you specifically anon but people who had read the “aw shucks guys” vagueblogs about it), but it’s not. Those are facts. I have no idea what my IQ is, but I have five degrees from institutions of higher education. Me saying that is in no way ableist.

Often, people mention those things to be elitist, yes. Sometimes, they can be used to say “hey I know more about this than you”. They can be used in a way that tries to make themselves feel superior. I suspect that this is the impression that a lot of people got of the post. However, there is a fine line between saying “hey that’s elitist” and professing anti intellectualism. Which is perhaps a side issue so I’ll let that go for now.

Another reason that people mention their degrees or qualifications is to establish their background knowledge and credibility. If I were to say “hey y’all I have two MA degrees” (which is true) I am not being ableist! It is a fact! It is factual! And I worked my ass off for those, I will be in student loan debt until I die for those, I have every right to mention them if I want to, and often I do so in order to establish my credibility, to explain the position I am coming from. And my prior knowledge of these topics is relevant when we are talking about literature since that’s what my degrees were on - literature and linguistics. That is why Alyssa mentioned her background, though she did pair it with comments about other people, for which she has apologized.

My final point about this is that I 1000% understand feeling insecure or less than because of educational attainment. I dropped out of high school. I had a complex about that for a long, long time. But I also know that if I took offense at someone else saying they had a PhD, then that offense is about me, not them. Someone else’s inferiority complex is not reason for people to pretend to be less than they are.

If those two comments are what overshadowed the bigger, more important issue for a lot of the readers of that post, then y’all allowed them to overshadow those more important issues. I am 99% sure that someone right now is reading this and thinking “but Leslie, it was the way that she said it!” Boy have I got some news for you!

How we react

This next section is not specific to this ask; instead, it is a discussion of how the fandom responded. If it were only one person who had said “but her tone” then I wouldn’t need to make this point. The fact that multiple people are exhibiting the behavior explained below is what makes this a cultural problem within the acotar fandom.

The main argument I saw on the post itself, and indeed any time I see people bring up how nasty Twitter can be, is that “it was a joke” and “that’s how stan Twitter works”.

No.

Those responses were quite useful for this post, though! So buckle up everyone, because I am going to talk about gaslighting, racism, respectability politics, and tone policing. While I understand that some people might have taken personal offense to what was said, there is a much bigger issue at stake that has nothing to do with individual feelings, and everything to do with ensuring that POC stay silenced and white supremacy is upheld.

Back to the “but it’s a joke” thing. Thanks for gaslighting! Great example of that, person I’m not going to tag! Gaslighting is when you make someone question their experiences, when you try to make them think “wait, did I really feel that way? Is my feeling about that valid? Do I need to re-evaluate my response to this?? Am I blowing this out of proportion???” And saying “it’s just a joke” is a perfect way to do that. Did I say something accidentally sexist? It’s just a joke, nbd! Now you’re the problem, because you didn’t understand my joke and laugh!!!

Saying “it’s a joke” or “oh they are old/young/ignorant, they will learn” is not a good response to... anything. It takes the responsibility off the people who are doing the harm, and putting it onto the people who were hurt. And in this case, anyone who read those tweets and found them harmful (which should be everyone?) is completely valid. You aren’t lesser for being angry or emotional or for seeing a problem where other people saw a joke. The people who see those things as acceptable jokes are the ones in the wrong.

This is a tactic that is used against women all the time. Any time a woman is sexually harassed at work or online, for example, and she gets upset about it, and someone chimes in with “oh they weren’t serious, can’t you take a joke?” So you can imagine what this is like for women of color.

It is a very, very common tactic for people of color to be silenced via tone policing and respectability politics. Tone policing and respectability politics are very closely related, especially in this context. The idea is that if Alyssa had just written that post in just the right way, it would have been more palatable to white people, and therefore okay to write. The idea that if she had tried to be “understanding” or “see it from their perspective” or understand that it’s “just a joke” are all ways to silence and de-legitimize any accurate, valid criticisms that were made of those tweets. It effectively re-routes the conversation away from the real issues, and to the person trying to bring them up. It’s essentially an ad hominem attack in disguise.

We see respectability politics in media when people of color who act or dress or speak like white people are afforded more respect. Or any time that a person of color is pulled over and people say, “well if they had just done what the police officer asked...” There is a pervasive idea that if people just “act” properly, aka if you act white, then the police won’t feel antagonized and try to kill arrest you. If we are nice enough, meek enough, smile enough, etc. then we will be accepted.

When we tone police, we refuse to allow marginalized people the right to be angry. We say that "hey, we can only have this discussion if you leave emotion, which you rightfully feel, at the door, and we can only continue this discussion if you behave in a way that makes me feel comfortable." But guess what? It isn’t about you! These discussions are often highly uncomfortable. There is no nice way to tell someone they are being racist. And yet somehow, that is the ever-moving goalpost. It seems reasonable, right? “Just be civil, be nice, don’t insult each other!” And there is that. But those criteria change constantly, to the point where anyone (white) at any time can say “WHOA WHOA THIS IS MAKE ME UNCOMFORTABLE???” Then we find ourselves at zero, and suddenly the focus of attention has shifted away from the actual problem.

Before we go further, I want to say this: people have a right to be angry. They do not need to make their anger palatable or tasteful for the consumption of others (read: white people).

We saw this last summer, and I’m not sure how the message didn’t get across. But people are rightfully angry about racism. They are angry about the murder of people of color by police, they are angry about lack of quality education, or clean water, of centuries of oppression that have led to this very moment when all of that ceases to matter because a white woman’s feelings got hurt one time.

And that is what pisses me off so much. There is no way in this world that we could criticize tweets like those that everyone would agree with, and that everyone would “approve” of, that would be “nice” enough and yet still be impactful and make the authors of those tweets understand the gravity of what they have done.

The least we can do is allow one another to express our anger, our outrage, because it’s highly likely that those people know exactly what the fuck they are doing, and they do not fucking care. By criticizing a woman of color for the way in which she chose to engage with this topic, we are avoiding the issue and letting the people in those tweets off the hook.

There were many responses to that post that were positive, that agreed with Alyssa. There are a ton of people who disagree with those tweets, who find them disgusting, who understand exactly how and why they are problematic. That should be what we are talking about. Getting to the core of the argument, on that post or any about racism or other problematic behavior in fandom, requires getting past our own egos. It requires us to be able to step back, say “hm this thing is frustrating but there is a bigger picture here”. It’s not easy, and I recognize that.

The fact that it is a common tactic though? To say “hey this hurt me personally and so I’m going to ignore any valid points you made?” That feeds directly into centuries of white supremacy because it, once again, silences POC and makes them try to play a losing game. And they will always lose, because no matter how hard they try to play the white game, the goalposts are constantly shifting. So you know what? Fuck the game, and fuck respectability politics, and fuck tone policing and “uwu be nice guys” because when it comes to things like racism and sexism, I don’t expect the people who deserve to be criticized to be nice. In fact, trying to be nice only serves to fuck POC over in the end.

Indeed, in response to that post, certain blogs have taken the opportunity to position themselves as “the nice ones” or “the ones who would never” or “uwu let’s be nice guys” while completely ignoring the fact that a woman of color was attacked for calling out racism. And yes - that was the point of her post. People getting hung up on mentions of her degree are (intentionally or not, it doesn’t matter) completely obfuscating the fact that that is not what her post was about, which was to call out disgusting behavior. idk how many words the post actually was, but essentially, people are focusing on 5% of it to the detriment of the 95% that was actually really important shit. These types of vagueblog posts about the issue fall into exactly what I am talking about - these are people who have decided to look at this issue, see how Alyssa (and anyone else who dares speak up) has approached it, and intentionally try to act like they are “better” because they can be “rational” and “kind”. Newsflash, if you don’t have something to be angry about, then being “nice” about racism isn’t that much of a flex. If it didn’t bother you, then congratulations. That doesn’t make you better than people it did bother. You just got lucky this time, and decided to use that to your advantage to look like the good guy.

I am not saying that all calls for peace are doing this. Obviously it’s what we all want. This is the worst I have seen this fandom in the 4+ years I’ve been here. But we cannot have that by ignoring the real problems and pretending that if we are all just nice to each other, then we will solve racism and sexism and all bullying in the fandom will stop.

So combining all of this - the gaslighting, the tone policing, and what do you get? You get a fandom that refuses to actually engage critically with its own problems and take accountability for them. You get a fandom that decides that it’s easier to be distracted by this one mean comment over here than it is to engage in the fact that you know what, the culture in this fandom has actually turned incredibly disgusting and a lot of people are just okay with it. You’ve got a fandom that is using the tools of white supremacy to avoid the discussions that should actually be taking place. Maybe people don’t realize that that’s what they are doing. But if someone still thinks that after reading this post, then godspeed my friend, I hope you enjoy Twitter.

Okay so my last thing I want to say is that I didn’t come to all of this knowledge fresh from the womb. I do a lot of work, in my personal life and my professional life, to be better. So here is a list of books that I have found particularly helpful:

How to Be An Antiracist by Ibram X. Kendi

Stamped From the Beginning: The Definitive History of Racist Ideas in America also by Ibram X. Kendi

White Fragility: Why It’s So Hard for White People to Talk About Racism by Robin DiAngelo (side note, I was kinda meh about this one but the chapter “White Women’s Tears” is particularly helpful)

So You Want to Talk About Race by Ijeoma Oluo

Black Feminist Thought: Knowledge, Consciousness, and the Politics of Empowerment by Patricia Hill Collins

I’m not going to talk specifically about Alyssa’s post anymore, but if anyone wants to continue talking about these broader issues going on in the fandom, I am game. (I really should be grading papers though, so it might take a bit.)

#cw racism #acotar #acosf #acotar fandom #fandom wank #fandom things #this is the long post i mentioned earlier #i will link it in my meta post

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larentsaloud · 3 years ago

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What irks me a lot about many on screen couples it’s that most of them fall in love with the idea of that person, not the person themselves (looking at you Gorya for “falling in love” with Ren for doing the bare minimum and something a decent human being would do, that is defend or intervene when someone is getting bullied🤨) and that’s also why I like the building up towards a romantic relationship with Thyme that the show is presenting, he took time to get to know and listen Gorya, her family situation and dynamic, her boundaries, wishes and opinions (confronting him about the red card for example) understanding where her moral compass stands at and where it comes from (at least a bit from interacting with her family and seeing her standing up against his bullying and other schoolmates bullying). So like he said it’s not about her physical appearance or social/economical position, it’s about the person that she is not an idea of who thought Gorya was (that’s why I love whenever he says “Gorya it’s Gorya”).

Add to that he’s thoughtful and romantic (anyone can fight me on this but I think he’s making progress on the romance department, he’s after all, still learning about love in a healthy manner) towards Gorya bringing her medicine, dining with her family and being conscious about his behavior and manners during the dinner, I’ll add more but this is already too long ;-;

And omg that episode when he said to his friend to show Gorya some respect?? I may be reaching too much (🥲) but that to me showed that, whilst yes he forced her to go on a date, Gorya ended up showing up herself and decided to stick around with him. Saying to show her some respect makes me think that Thyme thinks of Gorya as an active participant in their relationship not an object (Tho that line in the new trailer that said “You’re just a boy who doesn’t like to share his toys” makes me ache for whatever will happen that’ll trigger that response)

Sorry for the long ass asks 😭 wrecker anon again. Your answer to the previous ask really set me up to change my perspective on Ren but I’ve got class so I’ll respond u later, thanks for reading let alone answering this <33 (also english is not my mother tongue so excuse my grammar errors 🥺)

hi wrecker anon,

sorry it took me so long to respond, I am on GMT so things take time here LOL. I slept. 🌚

your point about falling in love with someone for who they are and not the idea of them is a very important distinction. you see it happen a lot in dramas and tv shows, a guy / girl will spot 'the one' getting croissants down the street and they decide that from the five second encounter they are in love. I mean I have done it myself plenty of times, and it hardly ever works out well.

most love at first sight is literally lust LOL.

actually meaningful relationships develop just as you described it, though growing together and learning about each other and respecting each other's boundaries and challenging one another.

the way Thyme responds to Gorya is a testament to his inner ability to be shaped by the one he loves. perhaps he has always possessed that trait, and she just happens to strike the right chord.

or maybe it's destiny. (the writers wrote it like that lmao)

I am not a fan of lemme change a man real quick brb trope, because it indicates that the woman is responsible for teaching a man how to become a better person - which men should just learn to do themselves LOL. but in reality when we are involved with someone we care about, healthy people compromise and adapt.

relationship is choosing that person daily, choosing to be with them, being faithful etc. the commitment stuff and trust is what makes it strong.

Gorya literally has a crush on someone Ren who treats her better than the average school person, aka doing the bare minimum - which is the exact opposite of what is happening to Thyme, he has a crush on someone who treats him abhorrently as a result of his own actions, someone who rebels, someone who isn't afraid to be his opponent - in direct contrast how other people behave towards him.

so on one hand we have smitten Gorya with the illusion of who Ren might be, while she is actually spending time with Thyme and bickers her way into love.

pretty cool huh?

and yeah, Thyme is romantic in an obnoxious way. kind of like he hired a bus, abducted her to give her make over and wrap her in diamonds and pearls, LOL and gifted her a car. funny boi. eventually he takes it down a notch and downgrades the dating circus to public date proposal, showing up at her parents kind of courting. he is learning. slowly. 🔥

suppose his low key romantic gestures are still outrageous AF, but he is the most dramatic straight person in love I have seen LOL. normally I expect this sort of brave gay energy from BL, but Thyme is like spitting rainbows and unicorns while trying to catch his Gorya and find though trial and error what makes her click. less is more baby.

I think what makes him endearing to the point it's cute is his ability to be so innocent when one expects him to be adult or sexy, but it's in those instances he becomes a melting soft puppy in love.

like when he cradled Gorya's head into his lap, his hand trembled or when he swept fluff from her hair, she dead ass thought he was going to kiss her, and lemme tell you my girl was not looking almost disappointed when he did not LMAO. or the classic shook look from Gorya when he grabbed her cheeks in the palm of his hand whispering 'let me do this for you'. dear gawd. earth shattering.

#wrecker anon #wrote this while listening to Miley Cyrus #f4 #f4 thailand #f4 thailand: boys over flowers #thyme the obnoxious romantic #illusions vs reality #love is love and gorya is gorya #sigh #miss them already

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nextinline-if · 2 years ago

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Hi, just wanted to say I'm that anon who sent you that long ass message and you definitely don't have to answer this but I just wanted to thank you for being open minded and not just telling me to shut up. I didn't mean to be rude or anything. If I was harsh, I'm truly sorry. I hope it didn't come off mean, but just in case it did: I do really like your story and I'm excited to see more of it! Again, I'm sorry if I sounded rude, I genuinely tried to be helpful, though I'm aware no one asked for it lol.

Hope you'll have a great day/night!

Hi. I don't think your message was rude or harsh, but it was disappointing to read when I first saw it. Your apology is not necessary and I wasn't looking for an apology in my other message - so sorry if it seemed like it. I just didn't want to ignore your message for a whole week and seem like I didn't care about what you said. Because I care a lot about what people think about my game. Probably more than I should, but that's who I am.

Is your other message brutally honest? Yes...

Everyone has an opinion and I do my best to have an open dialogue and accept ideas/feedback. I'm not perfect and my game is far from perfect. But, as a person, I strive to always improve. If I'm asking people to spend time in the world I built, I should at least hear them out. It's not my style as a person to shut other people down.

That said, I cannot incorporate all the feedback people give to me. Because a.) I'm a single person and it's not possible, b.) it's not feasible due to plot and other restrictions, and c.) some feedback goes against my vision for the game.

I've spent most of my life writing and as a writer (for me), it's hard. Hard because I've been scared to show my work to other people. So, your message and perspective of my game (which is perfectly valid) did sting. Not because you had issues with it, but because I felt embarrassed. If you feel that way about my game, how many other people do but didn't say anything? At the end of the night, it's your message that will be floating around in my mind.

However, you're not responsible for my feelings - that's on me. Those are my insecurities as a writer and a human being. Those are my demons to grapple with and not the responsibility of an anon who was just sharing their thoughts.

Anyway, I will address the rest of your other message on Friday when I post it, and thanks again for your time. I'm glad that you liked the story!

#anon reply #demo thoughts

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ejlovespie · 4 years ago

Text

Over Time

Fandom: Supernatural

Author: EJ (@ejlovespie)

Summary: After a nasty argument and a drunken mistake. Dean and the reader have some issues to work through, it’s not easy though.

Pairing: Dean x reader

Word Count: 2198

Warnings: Angst/Cursing/Drinking/Cheating/Spanking/a lil’ bit of Angry & Degrading Sex/ Kind of fluff

A/N: Reader’s Request: “Sooo I was wondering if you would do a request please? A little bit of angst with some fluff later...the reader has cheated on Dean and the couple is trying to work through it, but it's been tough.”

Thank you for the request anon; I hope you like it! I also wrote this for one of my @spnkinkbingo squares - Infidelity

I really struggled to write this one but I was hoping that this may bring some perspective into the mind of someone who strays? Any feedback is greatly appreciated and any mistakes are mine. Thank you for reading! :)

Your head pounded violently as you stared into the bright light of the sun. Stumbling out of the dingy motel, you shielded your eyes as you walked. With the start of a new day and a lack of alcohol, you were realizing the huge mistake you had made. You don’t even remember the name of the guy you left in the room; he was just as forgettable as your night together. All you had to take away from it was a severe hangover and an overwhelming amount of guilt. You were a cheater and now you had to go home and tell Dean what you had done. Tears rolled down your cheeks as you walked to the bar where you had left your car. Your stomach rolled violently and you darted sideways into the grass as vomit rose up in your throat. You heaved into the bushes for a moment before groaning in pain. It was a hot day and both the heat and your dehydrated body made the walk painfully slow. By the time you reached your car, it was mid afternoon. You jumped in and turned the key before plugging your dead phone in on the charger you kept there.

Your heart sank when you saw the five missed calls from Dean. Shit. No texts, no voicemails. Your heart started to race thinking about the fight you had last night. It was the same argument you had many times before. It was about work and how you felt like Dean cared more about hunting than you.

"You're always gone Dean and I never know if or when you're coming back. I always get left behind and I'm so scared. We both know that one of these days you're not going to walk back through that door and I don't know what I'm going to do when that happens."

His response was, "You knew what you signed up for." You had gone round and round for hours before you stormed out of the bunker and drove to a bar outside of town. With a sigh, Dean had let you leave without further argument. Your only plan was to get drunk and sleep in your car. However, when the guy at the bar had started to flirt with you, you hadn't told him off or said you had a boyfriend. It was harmless, even flattering at first, but when the drinks kept coming, your inhibitions went out the window. You forgot about your big fight with Dean and all the fear and loneliness you had been feeling and you let him take you to a motel.

Tears rolled down your face as you drove home. What could you say? It didn't matter how sad and lonely you were. It didn't matter how drunk you had been. It didn't matter that it meant nothing to you. You were still a cheater and you knew this would hurt Dean. You knew, even if Dean could forgive you, you would never forgive yourself. The drive was quick and before you knew it, you were pulling into the bunker’s garage. You probably looked just as bad as you felt and you cried harder for a moment before you wiped your eyes and stepped out of the car. Time to face the music you thought to yourself. You found Dean in the kitchen where he was making himself a sandwich. Thankfully, Sam wasn’t there to witness what was about to unfold.

Setting your bag on the table, you cleared your throat and Dean half turned to greet you. Seeing your face, he fully turned around. His eyes were worried but everything else about him was tense as he leaned against the counter, his arms crossed and his jaw shut tight. He didn’t rush over to you and ask if you were okay. He didn’t move or say anything at all, just waited for you to explain. In a sob you rushed out an explanation,

“I was with someone last night. I..I’m so fucking sorry Dean. It didn’t mean anything and I was shit-faced drunk. I...I don’t expect you to forgive me but please know I regret it and I will never ever do it again. I love you..so much and I am just so scared of losing you.” The tears had started again and they ran down your face as the words rushed out of your mouth. You had started hiccuping about half way through and the anxiety and fear in your stomach was growing as Dean continued to stare blankly at you. Oh God. Please say something. After a long moment, Dean turned back around and finished making his sandwich before he walked right past you out of the room. He didn’t say anything; he didn’t even look at you and your heart sank. Dropping into a chair at the table, you buried your head in your hands and sobbed.

It had been days before Dean had even looked at you. After you had come home and told him what you did, you had taken a long shower and had gone back to your shared room to find Dean’s things gone. This was the first time you had not slept together, while Dean was home, since you had started dating a year ago. A few weeks passed and still, Dean had barely spoken to you. Anytime you tried talking to him about anything other than work or meals, he would ignore you and walk away. You knew you had to give him time and space to work through his emotions but you were terrified he would never forgive you. If you were being honest with yourself, you didn’t even know what you guys were anymore. He hadn’t said the words to break up with you and he hadn’t asked you to leave but it was like you had become awkward roommates. Sam had obviously noticed the tension and had asked you a few times what had happened. Eventually you had broken down and told him everything. He was shocked and disappointed but he had hugged you and said something generic like “you guys will work through it.” There was no sincerity in his voice though. Neither of you thought Dean would forgive you. He would most likely push you away completely and then you would be just another person who let him down.

A few weeks turned into a month and nothing changed. Sam and Dean continued to hunt and you continued to stay home, researching and keeping things in order until they got back. Dean had never moved back into your shared room so you had resorted to stealing his clothes and climbing into his bed when he wasn’t home. You missed him desperately. You missed his gorgeous smile and boisterous laugh. You missed his touch. You couldn’t remember the last time Dean had hugged you, let alone kissed you. The loneliness and grief you had felt before had grown tenfold. Most nights you cried yourself to sleep hugging Dean’s pillow or one of his soft shirts.

It had been over a month of walking on eggshells and sleepless nights when things finally changed. The boys had come home from a hunt and you had gone to bed early. Not quite asleep, you were shaken awake violently and your eyes flew open to find Dean’s angry and heated ones, staring at you in the dark. Sitting up in bed, you had reached for him, to ask what was wrong, but Dean growled and flipped you over. Bending your body so you were on your knees, you felt his hand reach out and yank your panties down your legs. Gasping, you cried out when Dean slapped your ass, hard, before bringing his fingers to your sex. This had been the first time you had been touched in weeks and you moaned and pushed yourself onto Dean’s hand. He growled and pulled his hand away before he slapped your ass again. You heard rustling behind you before Dean leaned close to your ear and demanded,

“I want you and I won’t be gentle. Tell me I can have you; tell me you want this.”

Whimpering you nodded in the dark before quietly answering him, “I’m yours, Dean.”

A second later you felt him behind you. He slapped your ass one more time and then plunged into you from behind. You cried out again from surprise, not pain. From this position, he filled you completely and the sensations you were feeling were so intense. It felt so damn good. Dean let you adjust to him for a few seconds before pulling out and slamming into you again. He did this over and over for a while, occasionally grunting or growling like an animal. You moaned at the intense rhythm. It was aggressive and rushed and not at all like your previous lovemaking but it felt amazing. Dean was fucking you, with no consideration of your own pleasure. Your nipples rubbed against your shirt and you reached a hand back to rub your clit but Dean grabbed it. He didn’t want you to find pleasure in this and tears pooled in your eyes as you realized Dean was using you. This was a punishment for what you had done. In a broken voice you croaked, “Dean, stop.”

He did immediately. You felt him pull out of you and the bed dipped as he got off. You flipped over and reached out to turn your lamp on. Dean was already trying to walk out the door and you cried out, “Enough is enough Dean Winchester! You can be pissed at me but you can NOT use me and walk away. I have been patient but we are going to talk. Now.” His steps faltered and he paused at the door before spinning around. You gasped at the look on his face. He was furious.

“You want to talk. Fine.”

You got out of bed at the same time as Dean took three large strides back into the room. You were now standing before each other, both angry and finally ready to talk. Dean practically screamed in your face. “HOW COULD YOU?! Y/N, how could you let some douchebag touch you. How could you let it go so far? How could you stay the night?” His face and voice had changed from rage to sadness. His eyes were so sad it made the tears you had been trying to hold back fall freely. He was so hurt and it was your fault.

“Dean. I..I never would have done it sober. I was so lonely and so sad and scared that you were going to die on a hunt and that I would never see you again. I drank way too much to drown it all out and it just happened. I don’t even remember the encounter. I will never forgive myself but I need to know if we can get past this. If we can’t, then there’s no sense in dragging this out.”

Dean had started crying too and he looked up at the ceiling as if he was looking for some kind of direction from God. In a soft voice he said, “I don’t know if I can get past this Y/N. I don’t know if I will be able to trust you again.” Your heart broke at his words and you let out a long sigh. “What if we go back to what we were before? I know it won’t be easy..but what if we just work on being friends again? Maybe we can work past this over time.” Dean nodded and hope filled your chest for the first time in a long time.

It took close to a year for the wounds to begin healing. You never had any more sexual contact after that night and it was months before Dean hugged you. Your heart fluttered when he did and quietly you had thought to yourself that it was worth the wait. You made an effort to keep the bunker stocked with his favorite things like beer, whiskey, and a wide array of pies that you would bake for him. You started small at first, watching TV and movies or cooking dinner together. After a while you would go on supply runs together and eventually, you were even invited to go on a hunt. You were not allowed to fight or do anything you had no training or experience in but it felt so good to be included. You felt like you were a part of the team and that had started to mend your broken heart. You and Dean had started talking about more than just work. Without either of you saying it, it had felt like he was starting to forgive you. You blushed thinking about the few times where you had caught Dean checking you out; and vice-versa. You still felt the guilt from cheating, that would never really go away, but life was moving on and you knew that you and Dean had a chance of getting past it. Deep down you knew you would be together again and you would be stronger than you were before.

Tags:

@akshi8278 @wellfuckmyexistence @spnkinkbingo

#dean winchester #dean x reader #dean winchester x reader #dean winchester smut #dean winchester fluff #dean winchester angst #sam winchester #spn #supernatural #supernatural fanfiction #supernatural angst #supernatural fluff #spnkinkbingo

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barbiegirldream · 3 years ago

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hi! same anon that sent you a whole ass essay (i am sorry lol). really enjoyed reading your response. i wholeheartedly understand getting defensive over ccs and when met with hostility, but its just personally frustrating when people seem to want to talk to people so bad and then make posts mockingly misrepresenting points at the same time. i guess its because ive never been personally effected by believing in the theory before, so i just don’t see where the aggression is coming from.

about the realism of the DSMP—i agree. DSMP is pretty realistic in its depiction of actual real-world power or skill imbalances. but i figure where perspectives like yours and some people ive seen’s differs is in that you’re fine with stories being told thru that lens (which is valid!), and others look for more.. story-ish? aspects in media like this. i dunno if i used the right word, hopefully you get it. but i think the difference there is that everyone is looking for fundamentally opposite things—people who dont like the theory being canonized might be upset because they dont enjoy such stark and almost bleak(?) twists in stories, despite it being realistic, and those who defend it’s canonization might thoroughly enjoy those same things. theres an incongruency there that boils down to personal taste and i think that might be why people get so heated paired with heavy themes like abuse, solitary confinement, attachment, etc. just wanted to share my takes with you since you seem pretty reasonable and approachable about this stuff. thanks for the long response :)

yeah i mean tbh i get annoyed as hell with the optimism sometimes cause it's so unrealistic how people win sometimes. i like to read comics where they just fucking lose all the time and it is grim and gritty but they get up and keep going anyways. so i get wanting a brighter story where the underdog wins. but like if i had to watch a scene of tommyinnit criting out dreamwastaken i'd be so violently aware it was scripted i'd just start seeing it as cc!dream in big brother mode letting cc!tommy win lmao

i much prefer them to keep it realistic to minecraft like they can but add their own fun twists. like people being different species based on mobs. or c!sapnap being from the nether. those things are cool cause it doesn't make them less human just adds to the minecraft experience of it all. and creative mode being like what makes you a god. idk it's really cool how they weave minecrafts mechanics into their story. because that's the medium they're working with

#sally talks lore

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skyisover · 4 years ago

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Thank you for answering my previous question, the one about Sherry. I personally dislike Resi 6, and I must admit that I’ve only so far played Leon’s campaign. But seeing your thoughts over Jake’s, I am assuming (?), really opens a new perspective for me. I’d like to hear more of your opinions on the 《 reimagined 》 characters of the re2make, and since you mentioned that you like her as a child, how do you feel about her character there, and about her family?~

aw thank you anon!! you’re very sweet! and yes, i’ve played all the campaigns through completely with the exception of ada’s, which i never finished because i did nothing but dredge through 6 for over a day and i was DONE lol. leon’s campaign is definitely the strongest and the only one i actually had fun (sometimes) playing lmao!!

capcom deserves praise where it’s due, i think they fucking nailed r2make. i play it all the time; i’m literally playing it right now! it’s one of my fave games. sherry is a tiny badass in it, too; in the first she was characterized as a lot younger (and i still have a hard time believing she’s 12, i’d say she’s around 8-10, 12 is just a little old with how she’s consistently written imo), but she’s smart and cool and i love her dynamic with claire. you get the sense that they really care for one another and rely on each other to get through raccoon, and i love that. claire is def a big sister to her in 2, but i like to imagine she becomes a bit more of a mother figure as they both get older.

i don’t know if you followed my old blog or follow my resi sideblog ( @lesbianjillvalentines !!) but if you have youve probably seen how much i love the birkins. annette reminds me of my mom a little bit (not in the neglectful way LOL i just look at her and i see my mom, which makes her death scene really tough). i love annette, i wish she had been in other games; i get the feeling she bought way less into umbrella’s brainwashing than will and albert did. william is a genius, obviously, but also incredibly gullible and blinded by his work and eventually his creation. he’s a comfort character for me. annette seemed much more aware; separating “herself” from “umbrella”, something will was never able to do no matter how much he tried. considering what umbrella did to him and to all their youth scientists, it makes sense. annette’s redemption to protect her daughter is the most remarkable thing about her character to me. even dying of severe internal trauma and bleeding she made her way to sherry so the last thing she was ever able to do was save her life and to try and right the wrongs she’d done to sherry in life. you can’t change what you’ve done but you can decide what you’re going to do, and annette embodies that for me. even when she fights against ada (no shade, i adore ada), she is fighting for the greater good, trying to destroy the G-Virus and make sure it never makes it into the wrong hands again after what happened to her husband and the city. i admire her tenacity and dedication.

william is... well, he’s a lot. he gets very little screen time, but is one of the most iconic and influential characters in the franchise. his shadow looms over the rest of the games in the series, imo even more than albert’s. i mean, he is the reason for the leak of the G-Virus into RC! he is responsible for the majority of what happened to lisa trevor! he’s the one person who was ever able to truly rival albert wesker the way he wanted to be rivaled, the only one who could truly match him in a way chris and jill could not. william, however, was ultimately prey to his own machinations and was destroyed by the thing he loved the most. it’s karmaic when you consider the horrible things he’s done. “G is my creation” is one of the most heartbreaking and chilling scenes i’ve seen in a game, one desperate man’s last stand. he “survived” but he was dead the moment he injected himself with G. like annette, i like to remember william a specific way; tearing out the heart of a tyrant to protect his little girl before G consumed him completely and he became nothing more than a vessel for one of the most deadly creatures who ever lived. i know you asked about r2make specifically and i’m sorry my followers for this long ass post but simply. i must talk about them

#like i’m SOOO SORRY THIS IS GONNA BE MILES LONG WHDJSBDJSBDJWB #LONG POST #anon #ask

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patricia-von-arundel · 5 years ago

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So I don't know how serious you were or what you've decided on, but I recall reading some vague mention of allowing late participants into the cameo drawings so long as they contact you and let you know what's going on. And I appreciate how patient and sympathetic you are to everybody's circumstances- you have a good heart. But I gotta be honest and keep it real with you... I don't know how fair that is to everyone who actually turned things in on time. (1/3)

You set guidelines that were transparent and easy to understand. People committed themselves to those guidelines with the understanding that they would be eligible for those rewards. If you suddenly grant awards to people who didn’t abide by the guidelines, then what’s the point? Why should anyone obey your deadlines now? Imagine if a late participant won the cameo- imagine the insult that would be to everyone who was punctual and their recipient who had to wait. (2/3)

I know you’re the head honcho in this operation and at the end of the day it is your choice. I don’t mean to undermine that. If you’re insulted by my boldness I’m very sorry. I don’t mean to bother you, I just wanted to share what thoughts are going through my head, and maybe share another perspective. (3/3)

I gotta be honest and keep it real with you - you want to organize an event, be my guest. I’m normally pretty hardass about this kind of thing. You don’t follow the rules, you don’t get the good stuff. I’ve been around this block many, many times before - I’ve been organizing fandom events for literally over a decade.

But you know what?

The world is on fucking fire right now.

Lives are in absolute chaos, reality is upside down, we have thousands of people hospitalized and dying daily, and you want me to make no, absolutely no, exceptions (which, I will add, I never said I would not do) if someone is honest with me when they may be struggling to write a story or draw a picture - for free - when their whole world might be crumbling, or they’re balancing a thousand new responsibilities, or they’re suddenly wracked with a worse case of the same anxiety and uncertainty that has got us all reeling now, or even some crazy, miserable combination of some or all of the above? Because someone might get their feelings hurt, because their circumstances happened to allow them to finish more quickly, and nothing unexpected happened in the interim? Lucky them!

I reserve the right to make exceptions for people who are struggling to figure out how to juggle everything. You know why? Because I’m trying to do the same thing. If someone has told me why they need a couple of extra days, and I choose to allow them into the drawing, it is none of your business what they said, or why I made the decision I did. That is not public knowledge (unless they choose to make it so).

I think you’ll find that I never said I would only include those who had given gifts by April 20, I said that guaranteed entry. Because a couple of days late, I can still work you in (if you’ve told me you’ll be late). A week+, I probably cannot. I always knew I was not going to be able to get the giveaway done immediately, due to timezones and checking on entries where I may not have been tagged, which gives a couple of days wiggle room.

I am spending ONE-HUNDRED AND TWENTY DOLLARS to buy Cameos for people. I have worked my ass off trying to do this and about a thousand other things in the last month and a half to keep people entertained, to give them things to play and look forward to, to keep them occupied, to help them find their creativity in the face of a world gone mad. I go to bed most nights physically aching because I’m dealing with everything at home, plus helping with schoolwork, plus all this. Giveaways, events, stories. Everything I have to give. Which isn’t much, but it’s sure all I can offer.

How dare you lecture me about how I choose to conduct any of this?

I do not need your permission to amend rules (especially when said rules did not explicitly state in the first place what would exclude eligibility - unless you’d like to tell me where I said you definitively weren’t eligible if you were a little late?), nor did I ask for anyone else’s perspective on this. Again, if you want to organize an event, be my guest.

Don’t want to obey my deadlines? Yeah, okay. Fine. What’s it to me? You’re only hurting someone else. Not me. I’m not getting a gift from this. I may be giving some to make up for those who don’t come through, but I’m not getting a thing. Just spending a whole hell of a lot of time and money to try to do something fun and enjoyable for people.

If anyone’s so deeply insulted that I’m willing to give people a bit of leeway, then feel absolutely free to send me a message off anon and I’ll happily take you off the giveaway list.

Before I finish this off, let me make one thing very clear: I try to be nice. Usually. But I think you will find I am not a pushover, and I do not take well to being lectured about how I choose to conduct myself or my own efforts when I am, as you put it, “head honcho.” I will do things as I please.

Thank you for your input.

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iwillgetridofyourangerforyou · 4 years ago

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If it’s okay to ask - who do you think was responsible for the death of Genos’ family and if Genos does end up confronting the mad cyborg how will you like the battle to happen (cause Genos is obviously going to throw down with em) like do you want the mad cyborg to be a dragon level threat, do you want Genos to beat the mad cyborg on his own and finally get answers etc...? Sorry if someone’s already asked this, just wanted to see what you thought!

No one has directly asked me this before, congrats Anon! You’re the first! And thank you. All I can really give you is my perspective (limited as it is) so enjoy:

Who do I think is responsible for the death of Genos’ family?

If OPM was a normal anime or even a normal hero story, that had a limited set of protagonists and a one-dimensional world I would say that the Mad Cyborg is someone we’ve already encountered (possibly even Genos himself) which would be shown in a shocking and dramatic reveal with a lot of hurt feelings to go around etc. But I don’t think that’s the case anymore.

As it is, this universe does not shy away from introducing any number of complex and well-developed characters who could very easily become protagonists in their own right at any time. Additionally, the world itself has been expanding for us past the lonely ghost town of city z to encompass a vast array of complex organizations, cities, and even plants that have been hinted at. That said, I think it's very likely that we haven’t met the “Mad Cyborg” yet.

What do I think is likely to in the ‘Mad Cyborg’ arc?

There is a motif in this anime about unattainable goals, or empty goals, or goals that result in emptiness. ( Sonic’s goal of defeating Saitama. Suiryu’s pursuit of strength for hedonism. Garou’s goal of becoming a Monster to defeat all Monsters and Heros. Saitama’s goal of becoming the strongest hero leaving him feeling empty. ) Everyone has or had a goal to get to where they are and what those goals are say a lot about that character. If I add my interpretation to this motif I would say that one of the things that the author is exploring is that ‘even though your goals didn’t pan out the way you hoped, doesn’t necessarily mean the journey wasn’t worth it.’

What I am trying to say is that I think that Genos is about to face a deep emptiness in his road before he finds peace. Three possibilities with similar results:

1. Things continue as they are.

No resolution is a type of resolution. Genos emptiness in his pursuit of the unattainable will continue to consume him until he accepts that the reality that he might not ever obtain a resolution in the way he wants. The idea that someone who is facing trauma can’t begin to recover without externally confronting what’s hurt them is a bit limiting. I think internally confronting and overcoming where your pain is coming from is way more bad-ass.

2. Genos faces the Mad Cyborg.

I worry that if Genos faces the Mad Cyborg in the wrong headspace he may be consumed by his desire for vengeance that he COULD possibly maybe monster-fy. In which case I would hope/expect Saitama to talk him down and bring him back.

Alternatively and possibly as heavy, when/if Genos defeats the Mad Cyborg he would face the emptiness of having accomplished the goal he poured his whole body and soul into and then he’ll have to answer the following terrifying questions for himself “was it worth the sacrifice?” and “what do I do now?”

3. There is no Mad Cyborg for Genos to face*

If the goal Genos has been pursuing so long is stripped away how will he respond? He’ll immediately be confronted with the questions “was it worth the sacrifice?” and “what do I do now?” but this time in the context of knowing he cannot have the type of resolution he’s expecting.

I think any single or any combination of those three possibilities are more ‘on brand’ than most of the conspiracy theories I’ve been caught up in in the past. I think that Genos will be forced to stop and ask himself what he really wants out of his life.

You ask me what I want?

What I want is mostly irrelevant to the story at hand and it might be a bit hard for fans to swallow, but what I want is for Genos to use a little empathy to forgive the Mad Cyborg for what happened, not for the Mad Cyborg’s sake I still want justice to be done there! but for Genos’ sake, I want him to build his peace from the inside out, not from the outside in. If it was as they imply, that the cyborg went crazy due to the cybernetic implants being rejected, as a cyborg himself Genos is in a perfect place to understand and this pain on some level. I would like Genos to go back to his village and get a bit of closure, say goodbye to his family again, and be grateful for the time he did have with them. I think that only after Genos is able to choose to walk the path of recovery will he be equipped to enact True Justice when the time requires it. And do I ever want to see Genos put the “Mad Cyborg” in his place! but not for vengeance.

At the time that Genos faces the Mad Cyborg I want him to defeat him effortlessly even if they’re at Dragon Level. I want him to have grown to the point where he no longer Needs to defeat the Mad Cyborg so he can be whole again. I want him to defeat the Mad Cyborg because it’s the right thing to do because taking him down will protect other people from experiencing the same fate he experienced. When/if he faces Mad Cyborg I want him to be in a place where he’s almost forgotten about Mad Cyborg because he’s achieved a sense of wholeness within himself and a sense of purpose outside of vengeance. I want the conclusion of his revenge story to be a tiny blip on a much greater journey he’s been on since the beginning.

Also, I would want the fight to be super cool and really highlight in every way how far Genos has come. Yeah, I’d like Mad Cyborg to be maybe a Dragon Level threat because I think Genos could do it eventually. I want it to be flashy and cool looking. I want Genos to walk away without a scratch. I just think that would be so cool.

Thanks for the Ask! Hope you found it informative. Let me know, do you agree? Do you disagree? What do YOU want to see for Genos? Send me another Ask for clarification if you’d like.

*POSSIBLE WEBCOMIC SPOILER:

It actually may be hinted at in the webcomic that Mad Cyborg may have already been defeated, possibly even by Saitama before Genos ever showed up.

#ask #anon #genos #mad cyborg #meta #crack theories #just guesses #no answers

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sad-sweet-cowboah · 6 years ago

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Hi how aren’t you ? I love your writing you are amazing ❤️❤️ . Umm you take requests?? If you do How about reader and Arthur have a daughter and one day the reader take her daughter for a ride ‘ a family trip’ while Arthur doing his job and both the reader and her daughter get kidnapped by the o'driscoll and Arthur knows about that and lose his mind because he remembers Eliza and Isaac and went to rescue them . And I’m sorry if bothered you

Thank you very much anon! That’s a good idea.

Also I am SO sorry this is SUPER late ;o; I got caught up in my modern!reader floofles! I’ve also had a bad few days but I was able to channel my negative energy into creativity so I managed to make this long and good that’s what she said

We interrupt your regularly scheduled Arthur x Modern!Reader series for this long ass piece that was fun to write

Warnings: Violence and cursing. And fluff!

Arthur had you up early, gently shaking you awake as the sunbarely peeked over the horizon. You grumbled sleepily, murmuring how it was thefirst time in a while you’d had a good night’s sleep since giving birth.

He chuckled softly, leaning over to kiss you, whispering areminder of what was happening today.

It mostly roused your from your groggy state, sitting up andstretching your stiff muscles. Your eyes found the bassinet in the corner ofthe tent. Your daughter, Camille Astrid Morgan, still sleeping peacefully.

Arthur had been planning this for a while; a getaway toenjoy your family alone, away from the responsibilities of the gang. Dutch hadhis concerns, almost immediately raising an argument. You just barely had tostep in between the two men when Hosea walked up, using his wit and charm tosoothe Dutch into accepting it. After all, it was only fair. After you’d givenbirth just two months ago, you were tied to the camp for some time, lettingyour body recover and learning how to be a mother. Abigail would offer adviceand occasionally help, and under Miss Grimshaw’s watchful eye, the older womanwas always making sure you were getting adequate rest. Although the moment youwere able to, you were back on your feet and continuing your duties.

Arthur was always hesitant to leave your side while yourecovered, taking jobs that only lasted less than a day and was always backbefore dark to wrap his arms around you and the new life that you cradled inyour own.

He’d mentioned one day about a cabin up in the woods of NewHanover. He’d done a raid on it about a month prior with some others, killingits residents and claiming everything valuable. Since then it sat empty, andmore than once he’d come across it again, surprised that no one else had movedin.

A week ago, he’d left for a couple of days, which surprisedyou considering how short his runs would be. He returned early one morning totell you what he was up to, eagerly making plans for a much needed rest.

Less than a half hour later, you were dressed and on youhorse, Camille resting within the cloths that were tied around your torso.She’d woken up but was softly cooing as the three of you left camp, nothing butthe sounds of early nature and hoofbeats surrounding you.

The trip was easily half a day with little to no stops, butyou had to take breaks more frequently for Camille to feed. You’d situnderneath a tree while the tiny infant suckled, Arthur standing closeby tokeep watch. Thankfully no one was following, or came across your path. WhileArthur had just about every weapon strapped on to him, you had your own piecejust in case. Lord knows you may have the occasion to use it, although youcertainly hoped you wouldn’t.

The sun was already low in the sky by the time you’d arrivedto the cabin. Tucked deep in the woods, well hidden from any curious visitors. Youhitched your horses, Arthur leading you to the door before he quicklydisappeared on the inside, doing one final sweep to make sure there were nosquatters. A few quiet moments passed, gently rocking Camille in one arm asyour hand hovered over your pistol.

Soon, a golden light appeared in one of the windows. One byone the cabin lit up, illuminating beautifully in the dying evening light. Thedoor opened again, and Arthur beckoned you in with a smile.

You stepped in, immediately feeling welcomed by the glow ofthe candles. Everything was amazingly clean; from the floor to the ceiling. Thefurniture was simple, yet arranged in a way to tie the décor all together. Adecent sized bed sat in the far corner, fresh sheets laden out neatly.

He’d taken time to prepare dinner for the two of you thatnight, having caught a couple of rabbits and harvested some herbs to spice themeat, and adding a side of baked beans. Even though it was temporary, it feltas if it were your own home. Sitting across Arthur every morning and eveningunder a solid roof, sturdy walls surrounding you was a dream you’d had since thetwo of you got together. Although you also knew Arthur had his roots in thegang, deep enough that considering leaving for a normal life would be an innerbattle for him.

But now with Camille, it seemed as if he was starting tolean toward that option.

You’d never imagined becoming a mother, knowing full wellthe dangerous life you led meant you could lose it at any given moment. Yetwhen your belly grew with what you and Arthur created together, yourperspective on your life and the world around you began to change.

“How was it?” He asked, breaking the silence and pulling youfrom your thoughts.

“Great, tastes a lot better when cooked in an actual kitchen.”You responded, your voice light with a joke.

He chuckled, picking up his now empty plate as well as yoursto place them in the wash bucket. As you stood up, he stepped behind you,wrapping his arms around your waist. You felt his lips press to your hair. Hebreathed in steadily, and you could feel the peaceful relief that radiated offhim.

“S’nice to be alone,” he murmured. “Finally.”

“How long are we staying?” You asked, turning around in hisgrip to face him. Your own lips pressed lightly to his cheek.

“Couple o’ days,” he answered. “No longer than maybe a week.Dutch don’t want us gone too long.”

You sighed. Of course not, but you planned to make the mostof your vacation. Perhaps one day you dreams would come true. For now, this wasokay.

Camille began to cry from her corner of the cabin, and youfelt Arthur tense around you. Stepping out of his arms, you walked toward herand picked her up. Her round face pink with crying.

“Shhh, it’s alright,” you whispered to her, rocking hergently as you did before. “Momma’s here.”

He quietly stalked over to you, watching as you soothed yourdaughter. He had a softness to his otherwise hard face, a look of content thatwas always there when he looked at the both of you.

After a few minutes, Camille eventually quieted down,falling asleep from your gentle motions. You placed her carefully back into herlittle bed, your hand lingering on her before standing up straight.

“You’re amazin’, you know that?” you heard Arthur speak.

You smiled, meeting his gaze. “So are you, Arthur.”

He tilted his head down, shaking it slightly. “I ain’t thatspecial, Y/N.”

“Yes you are,” you began, reaching toward him to wrappingyour arms around his neck. “An amazing man, and amazing father. You’re nothingshort to defy Dutch and bring us out here for some time alone.”

He looked at you briefly before casting his blue eyes away.“Only givin’ you what you deserve. These past couple o’ months, you’ve beenworkin’ so hard takin’ care of our little one, and still managing to pull yourweight in the camp.”

“And you did all this and then some to give both of us abreak,” you added. “So please, Arthur, don’t argue with me.” Reaching up, youkissed him tenderly before he could respond.

He held you again, his strong arms laced around your torso,pressing you to him. He felt so warm and comforting, one hand snaking up totangle within your hair. After a moment you pulled back, gently tugging on hisbandana to pull him to the bed, and he followed eagerly.

It’d been so long since you’d slept in a normal bed; thelast time was at the hotel almost a year ago. Both of you had been so tiredfrom running a mission together and couldn’t make the entire ride back to camp.Somehow in your fatigued haze, magic happened that night, resulting in thelittle bundle of joy that rested on the opposite side of the cabin.

Arthur had roused you without meaning to, your voicecrackling in a moan when you asked him where he was going. A fishing trip, he’dresponded, to catch some breakfast, and promised to be back before noon.

You’d fallen back asleep for another hour or two beforeCamille began to cry.

You stepped out onto the porch, wrapping your shawl closerto you, keeping out the morning chill as you nursed, staring out into thesurrounding forest. Birds twittered amongst the branches, and a gentle breezeblew down. You loved how peaceful it was, your thoughts from the night previousreturning to you.

Another sound caught your attention, far off to the side,like a stick breaking. It could have been an animal, until you realized thesounds were coming closer. The brush too thick to see clearly, movement behindthem. Your instinct kicked in, your hand quick to draw the pistol that sat onyour waist.

“Whoa, hey, easy now.” Your heart leapt to that familiarvoice.

You turned to see Arthur riding up on his horse, fish tailssticking from his satchel and even a doe resting across the horse’s rump. Yousighed in relief and holstered your gun, glancing back over at the spot.Whatever was there had disappeared. Maybe it was a deer.

“You alright, darlin’?” he asked, noting the concern on yourface.

You nodded, approaching him as he dismounted. “Just a littleparanoid, I guess.”

“Ain’t no one here but us three,” he assured you, kissingyour forehead. “I promise you that.”

The next two days were blissful; Arthur had caught enoughgame that he didn’t need to go out every day. While you relaxed, he would takecare of Camille. Knowing his past, you loved to see the two of them together.How this huge, gruff man could melt at the sight of his little girl. He’d sitand whisper to her, his voice soft, saying that he’d always be there for her nomatter what.

Otherwise, you spent some time outside, scoping out thesurrounding land. Behind the cabin was a barn full of farming tools. The areanext to the barn once held a small vegetable crop. If you wanted to, you couldcall this a permanent home.

Although you knew Dutch wouldn’t have it.

Yet with each passing hour, your desire to convince Arthurto do so grew stronger. You could never say it out loud, though. He chose thegang over Mary. Even Eliza and his own son, Isaac. No debate in the world fromyou could possibly change his mind.

On the fourth day, Arthur mentioned that you would be leavingtomorrow. The news saddened you, yet you kept your spirits by making the bestof the last day. As it wore on, Arthur tidied up everything to make it as if notrace of you two would be left behind, lest some rival gangs or any Pinkertonscaught wind of your stay. You knew that Arthur had been careful about this; thecabin a good few miles off any main routes. Still, the bounty that hung on yourheads from Blackwater remained, and the O’Driscolls still lurked.

By late afternoon, he’d announced he’d go hunting again forsome food for the journey home. He promised he wouldn’t take long, a couple ofhours at most, hoping to be back before dark.

You’d spent the last few hours entertaining yourself,reading a book while Camille napped peacefully in your arms. As the skydarkened outside, your anticipation for his return caused you to grow restless.You bustled around the cabin, trying to redirect your attention elsewhere.Everything had been tidied up already, and you’d finished your book. Nothingelse to do but wait.

The windows outside were near pitch black, the indigo skyalmost blending in with the dark treetops. You had no doubt he’d find his wayback, but you were beginning to worry.

You stepped outside, gazing up at the stars. It wasbeautifully clear, yet it gave no light into the darkness that lay ahead ofyou. You were tempted to jump on your horse and ride out to find him, a featyou’ve done before, although impossible with Camille now. He could be indanger, or he could be completely safe. For all you knew, he was almost here.

You jumped at the sound of the bushes rustling. Squintingout, you could see the faint outline of someone on horseback approaching thecabin.

“Arthur?” you called out.

No answer.

“Arthur, is that you?” you tried again, stepping forwardonto the dirt. The rider was just a few yards away, but the horse was smallerthan Arthur’s, and even in the darkness, the coat was a different color.

Your heart raced, your hand automatically drawing yourpistol and holding it up. “Don’t come any closer!” you warned, cocking back thehammer.

Suddenly a hand shot out, grabbing your arm and forcing itdownward. You only had time to make a yelp before something hard and heavysmacked against your head, and everything went dark.

The first thing you felt was the sharp ache in your head,pounding painfully. Muffled voices faded in and out, too distorted for you tounderstand any of it. You were laying against the hard ground, the dirtscraping against your cheek. Opening your eyes, your vision blurred. Youstruggled to sit up, only to realize your hands and feet were bound. A clothwas tied around your mouth.

The realization dawned upon you; you were kidnapped bywhoever had showed up at the cabin. As your eyes adjusted to the dim light, youcould see you were in some sort of shack.

You also realized you were alone.

Pure panic shot through you, immediately wanting to searchfor Camille. You managed to sit yourself up, the dirt on the floor scratchingas your bare skin. You tried to call out, but your voice was muffled by thecloth.

You heard the voices again, this time much more clear. Men,couldn’t be more than three or four. You couldn’t exactly understand them, butthe accents were thick. Irish. O’Driscolls.

“Wait ‘til we tell Colm we caught Arthur’s lass, and thebaby!” one exclaimed joyfully.

They did have Camille.

“Shoulda thrown that thing to the wolves,” another said.“She’s been screamin’ ‘er head off since we brought ‘er back.”

Your heart lurched in anger. If only you could find a way outof the restrains, you’d be on them in a heartbeat. You began to yank on yourhands, attempting to loosen the rope around your wrists.

“Naw, it’ll lure Arthur back here. Then we can get ‘im too.”A third responded.

“Anyone check on the girl yet?” a new voice said. “She’sbeen out for a while. Make sure she’s not dead.”

You stopped struggling, your head snapping up as the doorrattled. It slammed open, revealing the small group of your kidnappers. Youcouldn’t see them in the dim, their silhouettes backlit by a campfire outside.You glared at the one who walked in.

“Ah, there she is!” he said gleefully, kneeling down to faceyou. “Wide awake.”

This close, you could recognize him. The gang had a run inwith him before, and somehow always escaped the gunfire. You tried to speak,only uttering muffled cries. The O’Driscoll cocked an eyebrow and yanked thecloth from your mouth.

“What was that?”

“I said, where’s my daughter, you piece of shit!” you spat.“Give her back!”

The O’Driscoll tutted, shaking his head. “Sorry lass,” hespoke with a taunting tone. “Yer little banshee of a baby is what’s going toget Arthur out here.”

“And he’ll fucking kill you,” you seethed. “Kill you allbefore you even THINK about hurting either of us!”

The O’Driscoll laughed, a hearty guffaw that oddly echoed inthe small shack. “I don’t think so, lass. All three o’ you will-“

You cut him off as you threw your head forward, yourforehead connecting with his nose. The man yelped and fell backward. You satback in satisfaction as the others rushed in, crowding around him in concern.He yanked his arm away from any helping hands, sitting up by himself. Your satisfactiononly grew when dark blood began to flow from his nose.

“What do you want us to do with ‘er?” one asked.

He glared at you, and you held his gaze, scowling with equalfire. He wiped his face delicately without breaking his gaze, he reached andpulled the cloth back over your face. “Once Arthur arrives,” he hissed. “We’llkill ‘er in front o’ him.”

And with that, he got up and stalked out, the othersfollowing as the door slammed shut behind them. You could hear the clicking ofthe lock on the other side.

You were alone again. Your stomach twisted uncomfortably.Wherever Arthur was, you prayed he would be careful and that he’d find yousoon. Either way, you had to find yourself out of this bind.

You weren’t sure how much time had passed, as you had beenfocusing on what was going on outside. You strained your ears to listen forCamille, although all you heard was the low chatter of the O’Driscolls. One hadbeen standing guard by the shack as you could see his feet underneath the door,occasionally pacing back and forth.

Now completely adjusted to the darkness, your eyes searchedfor any means of escape. The shack was empty of any tools, anything sharp tocut your binds with. You scooted as quietly as you could, brushing up againstthe walls until you found something: a nail.

Positioning yourself, you began to rub the bindings againstthe nail in hopes to loosen them.

Every mission, every gun fight, every little moment that hadArthur’s life in danger, and he had never been so afraid up until this moment. Onhis hunting trip he’d end up running into a couple of O’Driscolls. It was aneasy task to take them out, but not before hearing what their plan was. Hehurried back to the cabin to find the door ajar, you and Camille nowhere insight.

Anger and panic rose within him as he didn’t hesitate togallop out, hoping to pick up a trail. With one hand on the reins and anotheron his six-shooter, he desperately looked for any sign of you or theO’Driscolls.

It’d taken him a while, but he finally picked up a trail.Multiple hoofprints imprinted in the dirt, some faint, others fresh, leading upa mountain. He turned and urged his horse up the incline. It could be anythingor anyone, but it was the only lead he had. His heart hammered as hedisappeared within the woods, losing sight of the path. The anger that boiledhis blood only grew in the thought of anyone harming you or Camille.

He could see light up ahead, couldn’t have been more than ahundred or so yards away. He halted his horse, hopping off and crouching intothe bushes. As he crept closer, as quietly as he could, he could see menstanding guard, rifles in their hands.

That had to be their camp.

He scoped out the area. A small cabin with a couple ofsurrounding outbuildings. It may have once belonged to a family, a family thatwas probably dead now thanks to these damn O’Driscolls. The men standing guardstalked along the tree line, back and forth, staring out into the forest.

He waited for one to pass before creeping even closer,pulling his throwing knives out. If one could stay far enough from the others,he could take them out easier.

He paused when a cry shot through the still air. Camille.Craning his neck up, his attention to the cabin. The door opened as one of themstepped out, holding the baby at arm’s length while she continued to scream.

“Can we please get rid of this?” the O’Driscoll asked. “She’sshatterin’ me ears!”

Arthur gripped the handle of his knife hard, feeling themetal dig into his palm. He forced himself not to run out then and there,knowing he’d be dead before he’d even come within ten feet of her.

“Not yet,” another said. “Some o’ the scouts said they thinkthey saw Morgan headin’ this way.”

It was a trap.

You felt the rope loosen from your wrists after yourpainstaking effort with the nail. Your skin was rubbed raw from the roughbindings, but you couldn’t give up. Just a few more-

You heard Camille cry elsewhere in the area, and you stoppedimmediately, taking a listen. She sounded close, but that could only meanArthur was possibly nearby too. He was going to stroll right into that ambushif he wasn’t careful.

You tugged at your bindings experimentally. They’d becomesignificantly looser than before, yet it wasn’t enough to break them completelyyet. You continued rubbing against the nail, hastening your movement to breakit sooner.

And it worked. After another moment, you felt the rope giveway, freeing your wrists. You wasted no time in untying your feet and removingthe gag around your face.

You were free, but still locked in. You glanced around forwhat felt like the hundredth time in hopes to find anything that could pose asa weapon. They took your gun belt, that much was clear. If only there were asharp piece of wood or a rock that you could use-

“Get ‘er out, get them together.” avoice suddenly said, very close to the shack.

As someone outside toyed with thelock, you quickly scrambled to your feet. Even though you knew how to fight,you couldn’t go against however many men with just your bare hands. Grabbingthe rope that lay at your feet, you pressed your back against the wall, heartpounding wildly.

As the door opened, one stepped in,looking around in confusion. You didn’t hesitate, lurching forward to pull therope around his neck and yanking him back. He gasped in surprise, clawing atthe rope that choked him.

Another rushed in, aiming his weaponat you. Despite your captive outweighing you, you managed to pull him in a wayto block the oncoming bullet. Your ears rang, the spatter of blood sprayedagainst your face as the O’Driscoll dropped dead, although pulling you downwith him, giving you no chance to get free before the other had you cornered.

“You little bitch!” he snarled, keepinghis gun aimed. He cocked back the hammer and-

Gunshots fired from elsewhere,grabbing the attention of you and the other O’Driscoll. He blinked and lookedout the door. Using his momentary distraction to your advantage, you rushedforward and grabbed his outstretched arm. He pulled the trigger in surprise,and you narrowly dodged the bullet as you turned to the side just in time. Youtried to yank the gun out of his iron grip, but he proved too strong as hefought back, trying to knock you into the wall.

Another gunshot sounded fromoutside, and the stupid man became distracted again. You bit down on his hand,hot blood spurting into your mouth as he yelped in pain and dropped the gun.You dove down quick to grab it and emptied a round into his leg, causing him tofall ungracefully.

“Fuck you.” You huffed, standing straightand holding the barrel to his head.

“No, no-” he began to plead, thefear shining bright in his eyes. You pulled the trigger, watching the lightleave his gaze as the bullet entered his skull.

More gunshots outside. Picking upyour skirt, you jumped over the bodies and headed into the night, seeing thechaos illuminated by the campfire. A few more O’Driscolls ran wildly, theirguns pointed at one area of the forest. A few bodies littered the ground, andyou jumped as another shot rang out, easily taking one that was close to you.

Running toward the cabin, youpressed yourself against the wall before peering around the corner. It wasapparent that no one had noticed you escaped yet, but amongst the shouts andbullets whizzing back and forth, you could hear Camille’s cry.

And then…

“Morgan’s out there!” one shouted. “Surround‘im!”

Your heart shot to your throat.Arthur was out there, alone, taking this whole gang. You weren’t sure how manymore were still alive in this little camp, but there could very well be othersin the area. You checked the gun, counting three bullets.

As one attempted to climb onto ahorse, you shot out, nailing him in the head as his body flopped back. Thehorse reared in surprise and ran off into the forest. Another nearby had ranpast without giving you a glance, and a second bullet hit the back of his head.

Camille’s crying sounded again,extremely close, muffled by a barrier. She had to be on the inside of thecabin. How were you going to get in without being seen by the others?

You heard a click behind you, yourblood running cold. You turned around slowly to see one standing just feetaway, the barrel of a large revolver pointed at your head. There was nothing toshield you, and he’d take you out before even raising your gun an inch.

You squeezed your eyes shut, waitingfor the inevitable. You heard shot ring clear as day, yet you felt nothing.

Opening your eyes, you saw the O’Driscolldead at your feet. Right behind him was-

“Arthur!” you gasped, runningforward to jump onto him, your arms grabbing at his bloodstained shirt. “Thankgod!”

He wrapped his arms tight around you,letting out a trembling sigh. He let you go, stepping back to ask, “Youalright, Y/N?”

“Yes, but we need to get Camille. Ithink she’s inside the cabin.” You urgently said. Everything else had gonequiet around you, indicating that everyone outside with you were killed. Now tofinish the job.

“How many bullets you got?” heasked.

“One.” You responded.

He nodded once. “Then make it count.”He turned the corner, running alongside the wall. You followed him immediately,your eyes quickly scanning the treeline in case of any others. Turning anothercorner, the two of you reached the door. It’d been closed, and Arthur didn’thesitate to throw it open.

Both of you stepped in, your guns upand ready. The inside was dimly lit, although your ears caught her cryingbefore your eyes did. In the darkest corner, the O’Driscoll that spoke to youearlier stepped out, Camille in one arm while holding a revolver to her littlehead.

You heard Arthur suck in air throughhis gritted teeth. “Let her go.” He growled dangerously.

“That ain’t gonna happen, Morgan,”the O’Driscoll snickered. “See, I got all three o’ ya now. And while you mayhave massacred my group here, there are others on the way. Colm’s gonna be onehappy sunuva bitch. So either you two lower yer weapons, or yer precious tykeis gonna be splattered in this cabin.”

“This is how low you sink? Killingbabies?” you spat.

“Don’t make me the bad guy now ‘ere,lass,” the O’Driscoll purred. “I’m only followin’ orders.”

“Dutch is gonna come after you,”Arthur warned, every word filled with hatred. “And kill you. And Colm. Andevery last one of your gang.”

Camille screeched, and the O’Driscollpressed the barrel to her temple. “Shut up,” he snarled. “You’ll make it thismuch easier to kill ya.”

You swallowed hard, your handstrembling. As fast as your trigger finger was, it would only take a second forhis to go off as well. Your mind raced as you tried to think of something,anything, to get out of this predicament.

“Or maybe we’ll take ‘er forourselves. Raise ‘er to be just like us,” O’Driscoll continued. “She’d begreat, the daughter of outlaws raised in a rival gang! She wouldn’t know youtwo, only be taught to hate ya.”

A fire ignited in your belly, angerboiling to the surface. You watched as he took a step toward you, the smirk onhis face taunting.

“Make it easy on yerselves. Eitherall three of ya come with me alive, or you come anyway without yer baby. Yerchoice.”

Glancing at Arthur, you could seethe pondering behind his hard face. It seemed as if neither of you could thinkof a plan to save Camille. His blue eyes glanced at you from the side, beforehe sighed and put his gun down.

Your eyes widened, although a subtlenod from him prompted you to do the same. Taking a deep breath, you loweredyour hands as well.

“That’s it, now drop ‘em and kick ‘emover.” O’Driscoll commanded.

The metal clattered against the woodenfloor, and Arthur kicked both guns toward him. Your heart hammered wildly inyour chest, unsure what Arthur’s plan was to surrender like this.

The O’Driscoll stepped over them,blocking your path to them. He now pointed his own gun toward Arthur. “Good,”he drawled. “Now we have an understandin’.” He walked forward and handedCamille to you, and you took her immediately.

He stepped back, his gun neverlowering as he bent over to pick up the discarded weapons. You were engrossedin trying to calm Camille, attempting to keep your voice steady to soothe her.

You weren’t sure what happened next,the sound of something slamming against one of the windows startled you.

While the O’Driscoll was distracted,Arthur immediately disarmed him, although not before an accidental shot rangout. The gun fell to the floor and skittered across the panels. Camillescreeched once again, and you backed up as the two men struggled. While Arthurwas strong, the O’Driscoll man matched his height and muscle. They fell to theground, Arthur managing to pin him down and gave him a couple of shots to hisalready broken nose. The O’Driscoll somehow got in a punch, stunning Arthurlong enough to roll him over.

“Y/N!” Arthur shouted to you, hisvoice strangled as O’Driscoll began to choke him.

You acted fast, glancing aroundwildly to find any of the guns. They were hard to spot in the dim light, yetthe faint gleam gave their position. Hearing Arthur’s struggling weaken, youbounded toward the gun, swiping it up in your hand. You took no time in cockingthe hammer back and firing.

The sounds of struggle ceased as O’Driscoll’sbody slumped on top of Arthur, and Arthur shoved him off, his chest heavingbetween taking deep breaths and coughing.

“Arthur-”

“I’m fine,” he rasped, unsteadilygetting to his feet. “We need to get outta here before the rest of these pricksshow up.” He spat on the body before looking at you.

You nodded in agreement.

Within minutes you were away fromthat godforsaken place, Arthur was on his horse while you’d gotten on one ofthe others lingering in the area. You’d found the source of the window noisehad been a straggler, slowly bleeding out as he tried to call for help. Arthurhad quickly finished him off before grabbing his weapon. Camille was stillcrying, yet you couldn’t do anything as of right now. Arthur galloped ahead,and you were hot on his heels. He had his revolver up and ready.

Thankfully you two had made it backto your cabin without an issue, quickly gathering your belongings and taking careto leave no trace of you left behind. Easily slipping into the darkness ofnight, the two of you began the journey back.

The sky has turned gray with dawnapproaching before Arthur decided it was safe to stop, building a temporarycamp on a small plateau in West Elizabeth, far off the main path. You wereexhausted and sore, and he was no worse for wear. Still, he kept vigil whilstyou cared for Camille and took a nap, insisting that your health and safetywere more important than him.

You began to move again by mid-morning,although there was still some ways to go. As the sun rose higher in the sky,you trotted side by side, silent for the most part.

It was late afternoon by the timeyou’d come across familiar territory, never thinking you’d be so glad to seethe tents and wagons of the Van der Linde gang. Lenny and Karen were on watch,hollering out greetings as you rode on in.

The camp itself was bustling,Pearson busy brewing up a stew for dinner while the others did the normalchores. Dutch’s phonograph was playing as usual, while he and Molly O’Sheadanced lightly to it.

“Hey, Arthur and Y/N are back!” youheard Jack exclaim excitedly, seeing his little face light up in glee as he ranover to you.

“Welcome back!” Hosea greeted as youand Arthur dismounted. “How was your trip?”

“Really exciting, I bet.” Dutchchimed in as he broke smoothly away from Molly.

Arthur took a deep breath, placinghis hands on his hips before glancing at you. “It was one hell of a vacation, I’llsay that.”

#Anonymous #Arthur Morgan #Arthur Morgan x reader

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gg-astrology · 6 years ago

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oop this is the anon about cancer and pisces again thank you for your long response!! i dont think it was harsh at all! i really appreciated reading it from your perspective! which is why i sent in the ask! truly sorry if i overstepped any boundaries! it was really refreshing to hear you speak about it!! next time i can consult a health professional or maybe not be shy and ask in a private ask if i really need to speak about something thank you again!

Hey there cancer/pisces anon!! 💕💕Gosh I’m so relieved thank you for ;; letting me know and sending this in!! 💕💕 Please don’t worry, I’m just glad you engaged with me (and wanting to read my perspective) at all?? wow! 💕

I hope it kinda helped you 💕In whatever ways it can bc I... I did kinda add in like 3 style of ass kicking or explaining in there in case one of them works?? 💕 Honestly I’m just so relieved and grateful you didn’t take it the wrong way, you can also dm’ me if you aren’t too shy @thechopkins 💕💕

I get it though, like if you really need to talk about something you can also add me on whatsapp or kkt (*my id is: nitanuki) as well? 💕 I know it’s still like-- not anonymous but it does help with having a private channel on mobile which is faster than sending in an ask -> waiting for it to be answered sometimes if you prefer 💕

But anyways!! 💕💕💕💕 For some reason your first ask attracted water signs (or atleast I think so?) and that was funny considering your follow up asks sjknsjnksnks 💕💕

#cancer/pisces anon #anon #asks

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serenagaywaterford · 6 years ago

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1) Hey, it's me again. The idiot rambling anon. I wasn't gonna spam you again, but then I read your responses. At this point, I'm convinced you're my alter ego, lol. My thoughts are all over the place, but I'll try to organize them. So, about Nick. I've purposely avoided talking about him so far, but why the hell not? Let me make one thing clear: I'm NOT of of those thirsty fangirls. But even if I was? I wouldn't get offended or butthurt, because another person likes different fictional

2) characters (of all things) than me. I mean, big fucking deal. Each to their own, no need for apologies. ;) (My tone is a little aggressive, I know, but I’m sick and tired of some people on social media –in and out of fandoms– acting holier-than-thou and sending hate messages and even actual death threats (!) to creators or people that express unpopular opinions*. It’s reached a point where many people feel the need to put disclaimers in their posts so as not to be attacked.)

3) Back to Nick. I liked him just fine back in early S1, when he was all mysterious and his background story was unknown to us. When we did learn about it and the fandom started acting like he’s that pure, handsome angel uwu? Nah. Obviously, he’s no Fred/Serena/Lydia,but he’s not a “cinnamon roll” either. (Imo, the only decent dude on that show is Luke.) I mean, if Nick was SO altruistic, he wouldn’t have joined this job. Or even after everything went down, he could have tried to help other

4) handmaids without expecting anything in return. But no, he only helps June and that’s because he’s in love with her. I’m not blaming him for trying to survive under such circumstances, but I won’t idolize him either. Now, in s2? I’m kinda neutral about him. I don’t hate him, but I can’t say that I’m a fan either. Not gonna lie, he bores me at times, because he’s just… there. No sparks, no fireworks. Not sure if it’s the writing that doesn’t do the actor any favors, but his acting hasn’t

5) really drawn me in yet. A counterexample to this? Aunt Lydia. Her personality is despicable 98% of the time and yet. Dowd’s captivating performance makes me want to know so much more about her character.) On the other hand, I’m glad that June has someone (besides Rita) to back her up in that hellhole. She needs comfort and allies. But the whole ‘tRu Love 5eva" fanon thing? No, thanks. Not only it doesn’t fit the tone of the series, but I also believe that sharing an intense, forbidden love/

6) during such a shitstorm is not the same thing as keeping it alive after all is said and done (post-Gilead). Maybe they’ll stay together (as long as Nick doesn’t die), maybe they’ll fall apart. I can’t really see June romantically reconnecting with Luke either. After everything she’s been through… She’s a completely different person now. Unfortunately, the same things goes for Emily and her wife. Even though I’d love to see her interact with both her wife and her child in S3.

———

My inbox is so beautiful right now! Never, ever call yourself an idiot, my friend. (If you are, then so am I!) Brain twins, you see.

(Also sorry about this being out of order lol.)

I was trying not to talk about him too cos generally I just … I prefer not to think about him much. The fangirls, just, *sigh*. I try to avoid as much as possible in this fandom, esp on tumblr. Just hang out in my quiet little, not-Serena-hating corner. I always feel a need to put disclaimers these days cos as much as I don’t really care about random hate, I’d prefer not to have to deal with dogpiles or to look at it lmao. Like people can go around just hating on any character here–especially if they’re women–but say one critical (not even hateful) thing about their male fav and things just go off.

I’m more than aware the majority of people don’t like Serena and think she’s the worst thing ever. And fair play! (I get it… cos I’m not delusional. She’s awful.) Each to their own. I don’t go around bitching at people who say shitty things or stuff I don’t agree with, or blocking anybody who doesn’t like her. (There are a few posts I do engage with cos normally they seem like they want to go deeper in The Discourse but most Serena/Lydia/Eden/Janine/June-hate I just ignore.)

ITA. S1 was, like, okay. That’s Nick. What’s he up to? What’s his deal? (I don’t really care but I’m not opposed to him either. Just like I didn’t care about Luke’s backstory/escape.) He’s trying to be good to June and she needs that.When we did learn his backstory I was not pleased cos he seemed like a twerp but whatevs. Grey characters are grey. It wasn’t until S2 that I started to get irked by him (and the hypocrisy of his fans but that’s a whole other issue).

I can’t agree ANY more with your assessment of Nick. Like that’s EXACTLY what I’ve been saying! Firstly, he was RIGHT THERE when the Handmaid/Ceremony thing was first suggested and was like “Oh, yeah, great idea!” to Fred. I get that perhaps he was pressured to go along to keep his job but that’s a stretch imo, and if you can give him that sort of leeway, why can’t characters like Eden, Serena, Lydia and June get the same benefit of the doubt for certain things? Why is Nick’s pressure to keep his job more important and forgivable than anybody else’s pressures? It’s like that entire scene doesn’t exist to fangirls and Nick is so precious and in love and wonderful. Then there’s the rape of June. Like I know it’s pretty controversial to look at it that way, but that first time, with Serena overseeing it like a fucking creepy pimp (YUUUUUUCCCKKKKK I HATE IT THANKS) was rape. June barely knew the guy and I’m pretty sure if she wanted to have sex with him it wouldn’t be like that! And sure, after that, it was totally consensual but that first time was not. And I’ve heard the justification and excuses of “Well, Nick didn’t have a choice either!” which I call bullshit on, cos Nick is not some powerless delivery boy.

He’s a fucking Guardian who is tight with the top Commanders. He’s a man, if nothing else. Serena can act all high and mighty but she’s still a woman in a highly misogynistic society. I’m not convinced Fred would take his wife’s word over Nick’s tbh, especially if it was like “Dude, your crazy wife asked me to fuck the Handmaid you’re obsessed with”. If he really didn’t want to do it that badly, he could have taken that chance to report Serena. Even if Fred wanted to keep it hush hush away from other Commanders, he would have gone after Serena. Men are far more likely to turn on women than each other, esp in THT. But that’s just my take. Maybe I am missing something about Nick’s status. To me, it was like double rape. Neither of them wanted to do it, like that anyway. But Nick also did fuck all to stop it when IMO he did have some power to do something. He is not a helpless victim in that society, imo. Again, probably not a well-received opinion.

Don’t even get me started on his “Poor me!” routine in S2 when June tells him to have sex with Eden. I’m glad she called him on that bullshit. (But again, over the fangirls heads. Enough about them!)

Basically, everything Nick has done wrong isn’t his choice; he’s just a victim. In a story about women, Nick’s victimhood at the hands of these nasty women and men is the real issue. Blah. Whatever.

I just find Nick lacks total self-awareness about being part of the shitty ass system. He kind of just floats around thinking nothing is his fault and he’s blameless for it all, and he certainly can’t seem to see it from anyone’s perspective except his own. He’s upset about Fred & June’s Jezebel trips, not for her own safety or well-being but mainly he’s jealous. Of course he’s concerned about her safety but I believe it takes a backseat to his jealousy. He just seems to never take any responsibility for anything.

And BINGO about the previous Handmaid. Nothing we’ve been shown has given any hint he cares about any other woman’s plight in Gilead other than June, and only cares about her cos he had a crush/fucked her/is in wuv wiv her. Basically, she’s HIS so suddenly he cares about her. Look how fast he dumped that Martha as soon as he got brooding about June. He’s done fuckall for anybody except himself and that alone makes me dislike him. He’s no better than Fred in that way for me. But where Fred can occasionally be an interesting villain, cos Fiennes is nasty good, I find the actor who plays Nick just… not engaging. And he’s not SUPPOSED to be a villain! He’s meant to be a good guy! It’s crazy. He’s not compelling, he’s not interesting. He’s bland. He’s not even good looking, lol. I was watching with a friend once and mention I thought Fred was way better looking than Nick and she just stared at me and said, “You shouldn’t say that. But me too.” So, count me in the camp that just does not get the appeal of the character OR the actor.

I don’t hate Nick generally. I am just totally indifferent to his existence. If he left the show tomorrow, I’d shrug and probably be a little glad I don’t have to see that bland moping anymore. If he stays, oh well. Shrug. And I just don’t want his and June’s star-crossed romance shoved down my throat. It’s so… I dunno. I’m not opposed to June finding solace and hope but making it some beautiful forbidden romance, I’m not buying it. Like you said, it’s all well and good in Gilead–but it doesn’t strike me as something that can be sustainable outside it. To borrow from you last time: It’s the Handmaid’s Tale, not The Guardian + the Handmaid’s Tale.

Okay, enough about that pipsqueak. I don’t even like talking about him, tbh. He’s not worth it when there’s so much else going on.

ITA about Luke/June too. I feel like the level of disconnection and trauma that they’ve sustained, especially June, they can try to reconnect but it’s pretty difficult and I think especially with June having a sexual/romantic relationship with Nick pulls that really tight. It’s just two different planets they live on now. I don’t doubt that she still loves Luke, but actually reforming the relationship they previously had seems like an impossible task considering everything both of them have been through. It’s sad, but … sadly true for many people. Relationships can fall apart for far less.

And on the same page about Emily/Sylvia too. She is just soooooo fucking broken, and hopeless, that if they have them just rekindle with no issues, it’ll be bad writing. (I dunno if you see spoilers but there’s one about them.) She needs therapy so much more than a cutesy feelgood storyline.

Back to Lydia: Exactly! There’s a character we know very little about and who is a horrible person, yet the performance by Dowd makes almost everyone go, “TELL ME MORE!” With Nick, it’s the opposite for me. I’m just like, “Please, less of this.”

#Anonymous #rants and raves

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