#this is the first thing i've finished in literally months oops

[cursedhaglette]

Solavellan recs you say? 👀👀👀👀👀

OHHHHH POOOKIIIIEEEEEEEEEE here's a lil bit of everything for you, go forth and feast

remorse is not an apology by deciblesque - you will find me gradually losing my shit in the comments of this one. we shouldn't be allowed to read it for free, it's so brilliant. i literally have no words, it's just so fucking good. post-DAV and an absolute must read. (also the author has some very delicious solavelassan smut if you need something to wash it down with)

the shrine of your lies by @swordbisexual - make that everything by ouiser by dear god, this one will have you needing solas so bad

the first six months of forever by lahtays - devastating, brilliant, sexy, post-solas doing his big stupid but written pre-DAV (as if we need DAV though) but they get to live in the world as they fix things and yeah. so so good.

scion by @widowling - we know martyr, we love (and love to hate) martyr, but honestly scion is gonna RUIN me in a big way and i can't wait. a good, like ACTUALLY GOOD, arlathan AU is hard to find but a sexy young solas is also the most important thing in the world to me, especially if he's also just a lil dumb. my beloved widowling nailed it. can't wait for more of this one.

love is not a victory march by @brunchatthebookstore - the inquisitor gets the call to go to minrathous in time for solas' ritual. this is an all-timer in the making, i just know it.

miles below the surface of the dawn by @gostak - long form smut that literally made me cry i'm not kidding. this fandom really has everything. you know what's more fucked up? KIT HADN'T EVEN FINISHED DAI WHEN WRITING THIS MASTERPIECE.... shfdkjhjsdfkjshdf

verhas'alhan - to yearn for wilderness by rosemarybagels - centuries spent after the veil falls and this is painful but absolutely beautiful and feels so wonderfully true to both characters and ugh. UGH. how to be heartbroken and hate each other but love each other all at the same time. gorgeous.

her hand was invented before god was by @citrusai - gan'freya woman that she is. solas snoop that he is. this is absolutely delicious and perfect and i've read it twice and i know i will again because it's so them.

the immortal game by @psykergirl - the most solavellan smut of all time. trust me on this.

all new, faded for her by @scaryanneee - putting this toward the bottom only because i've recc'd it before multiple times but not because i love it any less. it's one of my current comfort fics and anna is so so brilliant and perfect at writing the classic romance tropes we know and love but making them soooo sollavellan it's sick. also morinne is there but who cares when ATHERA. QUEEN ATHERA. god.

these hands, if not gods by @gefionne - also at the bottom only because i've recc'd it before and i think the whole fandom is probably bouncing up and down waiting for every update. my other current comfort fic at the moment. imagining young solas whimpering with nipple rings gets me through the day and gef...god bless gef for that.

there's........so much more porn here than i expected. oops. but also it's all literally so good i'm not even sorry about it. also if you want to support moi, i write a lil fic called requited but feel weird promo-ing it more than that. i also have more fic recs for solavellan answered here, here and here!

anyways, have fun and enjoy!

[peachhcs]

https://www.tumblr.com/peachhcs/768160196490117120/need-to-know-if-sammy-ever-finds-out-about-what

lowkey want sammy to go off and kevin and break up with him and make sure he deletes the video

part 4! keep in mind that in the other wonder years fics + the fics before will and samy get together that samy genuinely doesn’t know how she feel and doesn’t really figure it out until her and will go to her senior prom together — just to clear up if there’s any confusion about that!

i also totally made this way too long at 2.3k words OOPS but enjoy!! lowkey also gave kevin a small redemption arc bc it just kind of came out as i was writing lmao

au masterlist | previous part

the things will told samy replayed in her mind on a loop like a broken record. she tossed and turned all night thinking about how kevin literally punched one of her best friends all because will tried standing up for her when kevin's friends started saying shitty things. she had an idea of what was being said because she's heard it a few times before in passing and rumors circulating around the school. usually, those things would just roll off her back, mainly because her brothers taught her to not let that type of thing mess with you too much. 

and that's what samy did. she always thought tyler was a gross person anyway because of how he was always trying to hook up with a new girl each weekend. the thing that was bugging samy the most was kevin and will getting into a fight over her. their relationship had been a bit tense the past month. kevin kept saying things and samy kept trying to ignore him and denying all of it, but now she wasn't so sure anymore after finding out him and will fought about the one thing that's been making her and kevin's relationship so strained. 

"bye guys!" samy exclaimed as she walked the guys out. all of them plus marcie and kevin just finished their semi-bi-weekly friday moving night. it was kevin's first time being invited after him and samy had been talking for awhile. she was excited for him to start bonding with the people she was so close with. 

once everyone was out of sight, samy trailed back into the living room where kevin was. the boy smiled a bit, opening his arm up as samy sat back down next to him. the warmth of the blankets returned after standing in the doorway for so long. 

"so, what did you think?" she asked nervous but excitedly. 

"they were cool," kevin nodded. 

"i think they liked you, too. hopefully we can all hang out again soon, or you can come with me to some of their games," the youngest hughes grinned as she squeezed kevin's arm a bit tighter. 

"yeah, for sure. you know, i had no idea you and will grew up together," the boy hummed, his tone a bit too light to pick up on any envy yet. 

"oh, yeah. we go way back. i've known will since we were babies. he's one of my best friends now," samy grinned and she missed the way kevin's jaw clenched listening to her say that. 

"yeah, you two are really close," this time the envy did slip out through his tone. samy caught wind of it and snapped her gaze in his direction. 

"what? are you jealous or something?" she laughed a bit, tugging on his arm and still trying to find amusement in it. 

"should i be?" his green eyes pierced into her skin and samy slowly understood he was being serious. she dropped his arm. 

"no? we've been best friends our whole lives. i've never even seen him that way," the soccer player couldn't even begin to think of will as something other than a friend and she was confused on where this idea was coming from. 

"you better tell him and everyone else that," kevin muttered. 

"oh, come on, kev. our friends have been teasing us about this since they met us. it's just a joke. we've never even done anything. he's like a brother to me," samy continued laughing in hopes to ease up some of the tension building. although, she did fail to mention how her and will kissed in her bathroom back in april and how something in her hadn't been the same since. 

"i'm just saying, hughes. guys can tell and guys can feel when there's other feelings going on," with that, kevin looked at his phone and stood up. "i gotta get going anyway. mom wants me back home." 

samy didn't have anything else to say. the thoughts in her mind were confusing her along with her and will's kiss from april and then again at the beginning of the school year. those were all just for fun though, right? she made it clear she was joking and will did too. it wasn't even serious. 

"see you later," kevin mumbled before leaving out of the same door everyone else left from ten minutes ago. 

since then, samy and kevin kept getting in little tiffs about what was going on between her and will. something would happen that would set the brunette off and he'd bring it up after the fact. samy would just deny it all and tell him he was overthinking it—because it was true. right? there was nothing going on between her and will. 

there never would be. 

but then there was homecoming. the night samy and kevin went public with their new relationship and the night samy started wondering if things really were changing. 

she kept noticing the way will took every chance he got to look at her. his eyes were quite literally glued to her and it sent a funny, but good feeling through samy's chest. she kind of liked the way he was looking at her. and then when the guys jumped in for a few photos, she felt the tight grip will had on her waist and how close he was to her and she also saw the way kevin looked like he wanted to snap will's head off from where he stood off to the side. 

and that's when samy started wondering if there was something more there and maybe kevin was right. 

but he couldn't be. she didn't like will. he didn't like her. they were friends. nothing more, nothing less. 

ryan mentioned something to her that night after she got back. they didn't really talk about it, but he hinted something and she understood what he was trying to say. still though, samy chose to firmly believe that there was nothing going on between her and will. 

the youngest hughes was at kevin's house the next day. she knocked a good three times on his front door and then crossed her arms waiting for him to come out. there were heavy footsteps before the door swung open. kevin paused in the entryway, surprised to see samy on his porch.

"oh, hey. i didn't know you were coming over," he smiled a bit, but his smile disappeared when she didn't reciprocate it. 

"we need to talk."

kevin glanced around like there were other people around, but when he only saw samy, he slowly shut his door and stepped onto the porch with her. 

"okay," the two sat down on the bench his mom had outside. samy knew kevin probably had an idea about what she was gonna say, so she decided to just rip the bandaid off and stop beating around the bush.

"i know you punched will the other night at the game," she began. 

the boy's eyes narrowed and then he jumped up like he was gonna take another swing, "did he tell you that? i'm gonna fucking—"

samy grabbed his arm to bring him back to reality, "i was gonna find out sooner or later, kevin. you really thought hiding that from me was gonna work?" she sneered. 

"who the fuck told you?" he snapped back. 

"why does it even matter who told me? why the fuck did you punch him? if you didn't want him standing up for me, you should've done it first," the girl snapped right back at him. kevin's face twisted.

"well in case you wanted to know, he did confirm he liked you because he'd fuck you too if he had the chance," the brunette grumbled and hearing that made samy's insides twist but not in a bad way. 

"so what? that gave you the excuse to punch him?" 

"it confirmed what i've known all along and what you've kept denying since we got together," the boy pulled his arm away. 

"you could've seriously hurt him, kevin. i don't care how you feel, you don't fucking punch someone because they aren't making you happy. would you punch me?" the soccer player stood up so they were face to face. 

"he punched me back just so you know. he actually tackled me to the ground if that makes any difference."

"why are you so obsessed with this? why not just break up with me if you think i like him?" they were going in circles at this point. 

"because i wanna keep thinking that i'm wrong and there's nothing between you two. i wanna believe you like me. you keep fucking denying it so i'm choosing to believe you, but every time i'm around you guys i'm told otherwise. why can't you just fucking admit it to yourself, samy? why can't you admit to me that you like him?" now kevin was just pleading for some honesty and as much as samy was supposed to hate him right now, his words stung. 

"because i don't like him! i've never liked him!" she yelled at him. 

"there it is again. you're lying. i know you're lying. i can see it in your eyes. your tell is that you get defensive when you're lying," kevin pointed his finger right in her face which she pushed away. 

"well maybe it's because he's my best friend and has been my best friend since we were kids and i'm just so terrified to lose that! and maybe i just kept making myself belief he didn't like me because then it would save all of us so much hurt in the long run because dating your best friend always goes bad. have you ever liked someone that's so close to you that it just scares you more than anything because you don't wanna do anything that will put you into a position to lose them? i like you, kevin. that was never fake. i think it just..i just tried pushing away other feelings too in the process and it didn't end well," everything all just spilled out and samy dropped back down to the bench while hiding her face in her hands. 

a beat of silence passed between the two before kevin sunk back onto the bench next to her. he hesitated for a second, wondering if it would be the right movie, but ultimately placing his hand on her back. 

"shit, i'm sorry. i-i didn't mean to.." 

"no, i'm sorry. i shouldn't have snapped. i shouldn't have punched will. i shouldn't have done a lot of things," kevin shook his head. "if the feelings were really real, then hurting one another wouldn't be a question. i know it's scary, but i don't think you guys would put one another into a position to lose the other." 

"i don't even really know how i feel, but all i know is that i don't wanna lose will just because of some stupid feelings. i also don't wanna lose you either, but i just don't think we work in a relationship. i think i just need to be by myself before i even think about a serious relationship," she met the boy's gaze. it was sad, but he slowly nodded. 

"i get it, really. friend then?" the boy wondered and samy nodded. she hugged his side. 

"just a few things. don't punch my friends ever again, okay? and can you please delete that video?" 

"yes and yes. i promise i won't. i'm sorry i did," kevin sighed as he pulled his phone out so samy could watch him delete the video.

"i'm not the one who needs to hear that apology," she watched as he found it in his camera roll and pressed delete and then went to recently deleted to permanently delete. 

"yeah, i know. i doubt will would wanna hear me out though," kevin and samy exchanged a glance. 

"if i talk to him, do you promise to apologize to him?" the girl asked and kevin nodded. 

—

kevin caught will a few days later at a community soccer game samy was playing in with her club team. the blonde caught kevin coming towards them, his face twisting a bit but the brunette raised his arms as a surrender.

"i'm not here to punch you again if that's what you're wondering," the brunette mumbled.

"if you're here to start anything you better turn back around right now," ryan cut in because he did not want to deal with another fight. 

"i'm not, i swear. i was hoping will and i could talk?" kevin looked over at the blonde who stared at him for a good five seconds before slowly nodding.

"yeah, sure," will said and the two walked a bit out of earshot. 

"first, i wanna say i'm sorry for punching you. it was uncalled for and i shouldn't have done that, so i'm sorry. second, the video is completely gone, so you don't have to worry about that anymore," kevin explained and apologized. 

"i guess i shouldn't have punched back either," will nodded.

"can we just call it even? samy and i aren't together anymore so you don't have to worry about that anymore," the brunette stared at their shoes. 

"i'm sorry you guys broke up," the hockey player rocked on his heels and kevin just shrugged. 

"it's whatever. we're still friends and it's not weird or anything. we're good though?" kevin held his hand out as a truce. will stared at it before shaking it and the boys patted one another's backs.

"sorry again, will. thanks for talking," the blonde nodded and the two finally parted ways. will went back over to ryan and gabe who were curiously listening in. 

"what was that about? gabe wondered. 

"just..apologizing for real. i guess him and samy really did breakup," will explained and he watched his friends' gazes widen in surprise.

"oh shit. i didn't think she was actually serious," ryan mumbled.

"yeah, i guess. at least we don't have to deal with him anymore," the blonde shrugged a bit.

they were right though. kevin wasn't an issue for the rest of the year which meant samy and will were left to figure out what really was going on between them and how long samy could keep denying the feelings she had anytime her best friend was around.

[vengefulmariner]

march monthly favorites ✩°𓏲⋆🍀. ⋆⸜ 🍵✮˚

happy april everypony its ya boy with their first monthly favorites post ever. the format of these posts is 100% subject to change all i know is that i wanted to start doing these. i think it will be good for my brain. we all need some joy in our lives and its good to reflect on things we enjoy and whatnot. anyway onto the. post

MUSIC FAVES

in march ive been primarily listening to this playlist of mine:

in the winter i was listening to alot of post hardcore + dance gavin dance type shit so this is a nice change of pace, it's basically just a big mishmash of happy lighthearted songs i like

an album i discovered last month i'd like to mention is paper rival's 'dialog', it's so up my alley its crazy. at the start of this month i was also listening to copeland's 'you are my sunshine' obsessively.

some specific songs i wanna mention are stuck in a car with angels by julie, lullaby by the cure, plainclothes man by heatmiser, breathe in by frou frou, shes quiet by the home team, been it by the cardigans + what do i know by copeland.

FASHION FAVES

garment- this plaid miniskirt. this is so fucking CUTE i literally saved this exact skirt on pinterest back in the fall and then a week later found it on depop and just had to get it. it wasn't really warm enough or seasonally appropriate enough to wear it then though, but now it definitely is and im going to be wearing it constantly this spring. i styled it on my page :)

accessory- my trusty dusty white belt. recently it has become part of my most basic simple outfit formula- random top, low rise pants, miscellaneous jewelry, white belt. bam. hardcore kids in 2001 had it right

FRAGRANCE FAVES

victorias secret dream angels-heavenly. this is such a good everyday fragrance, simultaneously light and refreshing as well as warm and cozy. have a mini bottle of it that my mom let me borrow (and i kiiinda never gave it back oops)

i fear some would describe this as grandma perfume-esque like most ppl do with powdery florals but tbh i am a big fan of that scent profiled even though its not everyone’s cup of tea. light florals are my go-to for everyday purposes and this has become a staple. it's great if i use a sandalwood scented lotion as a base.

MEDIA FAVES

tv show: buffy the mother fucking vampire slayer. i have finished the show once before and would occasionally go back and rewatch my favorite episodes, but this past month i have started my first actual rewatch from the beginning with my bf and i've fallen in love with it all over again. it's not just a corny-vampire-drama-monster-fighting-show (not that theres anything wrong with that, i embrace the cringeworthy aspects of the show) it also gets sooo raw and sickeningly emotional at certain points, it's just so so dear to me

game: animal crossing new horizons. this series was my whole entire childhood, mostly city folk and new leaf. i was kind of a hater of NH when it came out and i'll admit half of that hatred was due to nostalgia blindness. but i've picked it back up this month since the 5 YEAR ANNIVERSARY (sheesh) of its release was coming up and now i'm hooked. this is my absolute favorite type of video game where it basically gives the player full freedom to go in whatever direction they want and get creative with it. i also have been getting into using custom designs and omg i love that people make the cutest things for their fellow players. this game is just so cozy and healing and i highly recommend.

and that about does it ! this was fun thank u for reading bye bye ヽ(´ー`)ノ

[sarah-sandwich-writes]

Any updates to Yo mama freaked out ? :D

:( Not since this one: post. That's literally where my draft ends lol Which I'm guessing you're caught up on since you're using the updated title, so :( sorry...

Here are my priorities for the rest of the year (stick with me):

July: Violet, like these delights (og fiction) - finish first draft. This is going to use up all of my free time and attention if I want to complete it by the end of the month (which I do). Difficulty Level: Difficult

August: Iron Impostor/Hometown Hero (Harley-centric gen fic) - finish editing. August is a tricky month because real life gets busy (and stays busy for the rest of the year tbh), but I do have a vacation in there so I'm hoping I can dedicate some solid hours to getting this guy up to snuff. I've already done the first read-through, so what's left is just actioning on the notes I made and to finish writing the gosh darn epilogue (which I can milk until posting day, so I don't even have to make it good yet). I might throw out another chapter of another time, a different place in here too but we'll see if I remember :) Difficulty Level: Easy

September: II/HH - begin posting. I don't have it broken out into chapters yet so idk how many weeks of posting there will be, but I'm guessing 2-3 months? 10-12 chapters maybe? It might be less than that. It's at 61k right now so it certainly won't be another Lemon Boy taking 6 months to post lol Difficulty Level: Easy

Sept-Dec: II/HH, Yo mama freaked out, and another time, a different place. I'll be posting II/HH and alternating between writing YMFO and ATaDP as the muse takes me. This time of year is a lot of running around for me (fingers crossed we can get a school permit for my daughter so she can drive herself to volleyball practice Every Single Day) so I won't be trying any crazy pushes to finish things like I'm doing this month with Violet, but I do plan to focus my writing time on these two fics and make some good progress on them. Posting weekly makes it harder because it's a time suck. I always do a final round of edits on each chapter as I get ready to post (the longer the chapters, the more time it takes for that final edit) and it's always a little painful for me to flip between the editing mindset I need for posting (searching for errors and reaching for perfection) vs. the drafting mindset I need for writing (perfect is the enemy, done now, good later), but I should be able to devote a good portion of the week to writing. Weekends for sure, as long as there aren't any volleyball tournaments. Difficulty Level: Moderate

Jan: Violet - begin editing. Shifting back into full-time revision mode is always a process. Getting into it in the dead of winter after I've just exhausted myself with holidays is a pain in the ass. Difficulty Level: Difficult

So ANYWAY back to Yo Mama. Keeping in mind all of that 👆 I've been considering maybe possibly doing the post-as-I-go thing for Yo Mama like I am with ATaDP. It will be slow updates (like I just updated for the first time in six months haha oops hopefully not that slow but no promises) but since I'm so busy now it's going to be long time until Yo Mama is all the way done anyway. I've got 9k written and it's pretty solid. I've shared A Lot of it here actually lol so I really don't mind posting it on AO3 pretty much as is (gotta do that final edit though, I gotta), but if I do put up the first chapter it won't be until Aug or Sept.

What do you think? I want to get my fics out there. I want to see people be hyped about them so I know working on them is a rewarding use of my time. I think I need to stop angsting so much about having the chance to revise them in their entirety and accept that I'm in a different stage in my growth as a writer, and I can loosen my grip and post as I go. They don't need to be perfect and I don't need to hang onto them so tight anymore.

I think I just talked myself into it actually lol thanks for giving me the little push I needed I guess! Still, let me know your thoughts, Nonny. And anyone else who read this far 👋🤠

[coffeelovesdramasalatte]

LITA Ep. 5 Rewatch Thoughts Part 1

(edit bc I started writing this post like 6 months ago - hi! I'm gonna finish going through the rest of the phayurain episodes of LITA finally! I've lost all sense of shame so these posts are just gonna be love letters to Eul, hope that's ok) Hi hi hi! I find it absolutely hilarious that the notes on the final part of my episode 4 rewatch post (which contains my best screenshots of That Scene) has like triple the notes of the rest of the parts. I love the thirsty LITA fam <3 I think I kept it mostly clean for the first 3 episodes but LITA brainrot is real and from here on out I'm putting down all my deranged thoughts into words so enjoy

Onwards to episode 5!! Ok so y'all should know by this point that BossNoeul sang the opening right? I added it on spotify and have listened to it on repeat so much over the last week that I could probs (badly, bc my singing voice leaves much to be desired but I can and will belt it at the top of my lungs) karaoke it now. If y'all haven't heard the full version check it out bc they rap a few bars and Noeul has this line "shake your bo- shake your bo- shake your body" that makes me lose it every time

The recap sees us revisiting some rather adorable moments from the previous episode including PhayuRain in the rain and tub. Imagine if they stuck the leg kiss in the recap >.<

We open to sunlight pouring in through the curtained windows on the morning after. I kind of wish the last episode had ended with this scene bc it would have been a soft transition after the intimacy PhayuRain shared rather than the abrupt cut to credits. But I digress.

Phayu's hair looks glorious out and I wish we'd gotten to see it like this more. In fact I think we should've seen Rain push his hands through it and grip it during episode 6's NC scene. Also the definition of that bicep? Sir pls.

I ADORE how sweet Phayu is towards Rain all the time, and this is yet another example. I love it when characters look fondly at their lover (I finally get to use that word for them!!), cover them with a blanket, and then give them a forehead kiss before sliding out of bed. SO FOND

I just think it's really attractive when people do this. Rain was really missing out by snoozing.

The state of Rain's neck and chest sends me into hysterical giggles every time. Phayu you did not have to go that hard with the marking bestie (let's be honest though, looking at the state of Phayu's neck post episode 6 they both have marking kinks) - everyone's gonna know Rain's officially yours soon enough. Also throwback to how like two months ago (or something like that idk the exact timeline) Rain was like hmph I never want anything to do with P' Phayu ever again. I didn't hear any complaining from you last night hmm??? Also I love how confident Rain was in his abilities to seduce Phayu, so true of him

I'm DECEASED

OK WAIT I think I finally get the whole yellow-blue thing. It literally is just that yellow is Rain's representative color and Phayu's is navy blue. So by making Rain put on Phayu's navy blue shirt for the "morning after" they're just reiterating that Rain belongs to Phayu now. Mystery solved :)

Obligatory shot bc he's worked hard for these gains and I think he deserves some appreciation ft. Rain who's making the same face as all of us. I think they spent like 30 whole seconds on Phayu's shoulders and that's so valid of them

Sir, do you have a good reason for striding in here shirtless and sweaty to wake your new bf up? Methinks someone was hoping for round 2

Ok, and we're back to Rain in a yellow t-shirt looking very feverish. He's holding his teal green phone (case) up though which is a combo of yellow and blue, isn't it? I'm sorry my color theory is lacking. His eyebrows look really nice here and I don't know why I noticed. I hope he has a good nap! But oops he misses calls from Phayu...

This episode's title is "the Calm Before the Storm" which implies it's gonna be a mostly tooth-rotting fluff episode and that drama is on the way next week. I'm already smiling so wide my cheeks hurt so the title is apt.

Phayu (dressed in navy blue!) is here to make sure his precious Rain is ok and Mama is already planning the wedding in her head.

The first three or four times I watched this, I was paying too much attention to their faces and probably missed a lot so let's break it down a bit. Phayu comes in, Rain's surprised and sits up, and Phayu sits down next to Rain on the bed but facing away. Phayu is slightly upset that Rain went away without saying anything and he was worried that since Rain was sick that him driving home alone was dangerous. The second Phayu sits down this way, Rain reaches out to grab his arm but Phayu pulls away. Compared to couples in other dramas, PhayuRain depend on touch a lot to communicate so obv the situation is quite serious plus Phayu is not immediately making eye contact with Rain.

The next couple of shots are just back and forth where Phayu asks why Rain left and Rain tells him what happened and apologies for worrying him. He looks v v soft and fluffy here

Gonna take a second to appreciate the background music bc it sounds so serious and doom-y right now but they're literally about to clear it all up so it was unnecessary to go that hard. Sound artist I love you

Throughout this conversation, Phayu starts far away (which for PhayuRain means there's like 1.5 meters of distance between their faces instead of 0.15 meters) but he moves closer and tilts his body more in Rain's direction as Rain gives each justification. He also lets Rain grab his arm. It's very subtle but I like the acting choices here.

Phayu, Rain is sick. Can you pls stop staring at his lips bff give him some rest (spoiler alert I counted like 5 lip-looks in the next 10 seconds, Phayu didn't hear me)

OK this hug. Exquisite. The gap has been bridged, all parties are happy again, and they both absolutely sink into each other.

Boss' little shoulder rub here is so soft and gives us more PhayuRain believability. We can see how worried he was and how relieved he is now that Rain is safely in his arms again.

Rain's cheek-smushed nod agreeing to never disappear from Phayu's side ever again is everything to me.

I don't actually think this was what I was supposed to get out of this but there's something about the symmetry of this hug and them being in the shape of a triangle and how technically their first encounter as a couple involved Phayu's triangle tool etc. etc. etc. Also headpat alert!

More subtle and soft gestures from Phayu. Rain is down bad.

HANDS!!!

We really heard the MWAH here and I want to forehead kiss whoever placed the mics

Everyone needs to observe Rain's expression right after Phayu asks this question bc it's very sus

(I couldn't get it in motion but Rain straightens up a bit and raises his eyebrows. Someone thinks they're about to get spanked like before)

Except this is not that kind of punishment and I can't believe Phayu really brought along a rectal suppository. To his credit though, I believe they're supposed to be more immediately effective than oral medicines because they absorb more directly into the body so he just wants Rain to be healthy faster. Although I wish Phayu would've not proceeded to yank Rain's pants off without permission, it's fiction and I hope if Rain had shown signs of major discomfort he would've listened. I do have to wonder if Mama put on headphones though bc Rain was really loud with his protests. I also think this must've been funny to film bc if you look closely before it cuts to Rain's mom, Rain looks like he's holding back laughter.

Uh-oh, Mama it's better if you walk away now

This sequence was actually so adorable and funny. I love purrito!Rain and Phayu is looking way too smug. Mama Rain walked out of there trying to name all the yellow and blue flowers she could for the wedding centerpieces.

omfg Phayu calling Rain's mom "Mama" is so friggin cute and I love how smoothly he just slid into son-in-law position

Rain's like excuse me I'm sick I should NOT be slandered right now

To part 2 with all the cute shots!!

[thelightofthingshopedfor]

obviously people like to talk about their accomplishments/achievements/etc. at the end of the year and I spent half of December going "I kinda feel like I did fucking nothing" because I didn't make much art or finish many fics (I didn't even post many "tiny Loki and Thor" captions) or make much progress toward unfucking my fucked-up brain/body/habitat

and then I kind of went, duh, I did still accomplish some things in 2024, and at least a few of them were really goddamn obvious as soon as they occurred to me

checked off multiple Atlas Obscura locations, including Igloo City near Cantwell, which I've been meaning to see for over 10 years (and...still have not posted photos oops)

read 50+ books (of which maybe 9 were not comics trades, shhh)

successfully wrangled a group pin commission

modded more pins, particularly of Jotun Loki once again

did finish like...two short fics, for whatever that's worth, one of which has been hanging around for 3 years

put together a photo book of/for my grandparents

participated in @marveltrumpshate again, and this time I even completed everything I could on my fills before the end of the year! (still need to post them though.)

joined a tiny local mask bloc

survived another year with my shit-ass brain

FINALLY GOT A BILATERAL SALPINGECTOMY LOL I LITERALLY FORGOT ABOUT THIS ONE THE FIRST TIME I MADE THIS LIST ON TWITTER. like it was a big deal this year and I just sort of. forgot. that it should absolutely count as a major accomplishment considering it's something I've been wanting to do for literal years, it ultimately took A LOT of effort to make it happen (and then deal with the newly discovered allergy to surgical glue afterward, lolololol), it cost me absolutely nothing thanks to MY research and legwork (and no thanks to anybody else), and boy oh boy did having that already done give me at least a little peace of mind after the election results went to shit

and they weren't accomplishments but like, I also did deal with another oral surgery and recovery, a month and a half of eating strictly gluten free because I was told I had celiac disease, my grandma's worsening Alzheimer's, my grandpa's nonspecific and also worsening mental deterioration, and Hazy's first major health scare (meant to talk about that earlier; will later), so...there were some things using up a not insignificant amount of my energy throughout the year, is what I'm saying

[annakie]

FIXING THE HOUSE CHAPTER 13: Mauve Haze Symphony

Part One: I Do Not, In Fact, Have the Power

Part Two: Let’s Spend Lots of Money!

Part Three: All These Things That I’ve Done

Part Four: I Really Want to Stay At My House (YOU ARE HERE)

A little interlude.

Part Five: Power Down

Part Six: You Will Leave Some Paint

Part Seven: Backwards to go Forwards

Part Eight: Master of Bathrooms

Part Nine: Within a Room, Somewhere

Part Ten: Rooms With No View

Part Eleven: Big Bang Room Part A and also Part B!

Part Twelve: We Can Make It On the Outside

Part Thirteen: Mauve Haze Symphony (YOU ARE HERE)

Part Fourteen (A) - In the Kitchen

Part Fourteen (B) - Copper Green

---

Almost done, one more room after this one to go.

Oh man, I thought I'd posted this LAST WEEK and was shocked to see that it was still in my drafts. Oops.

Well, I'm going to take a breather from... everything... and finish this and post it. I hope it's a nice little break for you, too.

A little catchup on the past stuff, and then moving into one of the last two rooms!

OK so I DID forget one really important garage thing -- a new tankless, natural gas powered hot water heater!

In 2009 one day i came home from work to find water pouring out of my garage. Ohhh shit. The hot water heater had rusted through and water went everywhere. I called my dad in a panic and he walked me through shutting the water off on the street level.

I was really lucky that absolutely nothing got ruined, I think maybe a rug I had in there got wet but basically nothing else. Laundry Mountain wasn't quite a thing yet. Some people have their HWH in like, the middle of their house or the attic and having it break like mine did is much worse news.

Anyway, got a new one put in and per my dad's suggestion wrote the date it was installed on it.

HWHs usually have a 10 year lifespan. Mine was installed in 2009 sooooo... uhhh... yeah. It still worked fine, though!

But I decided to stop gambling with time, and had Arturo install a new one.

We f'd up and didn't notice that the first one I bought was Propane and not natural gas powered. Arturo stood over my shoulder when I bought it online, and then it sat in my garage for almost two months while we had so much other stuff going on. By the time we tried installing it, it was past the return date. We discussed it and Arturo volunteered to eat the cost. I ended up sneaking in about half the cost back in on our project/price spreadsheet anyway. :p

Anyway, new HWH works great, and will cost less to run every year, and I don't need to worry about it for at least another decade! Also, I've always been lucky that my HWH survived the freezes easily, so I'm just crossing my fingers that the tankless does, as well.

---

OK, on to today's real update!

The hall bath.

When I talked about the Master Bath way back in Chapter 8, I mentioned that for all intents and purposes this was my only full bath for most of the time I had my house.

The thing was, the tub/shower was not in great shape when I bought the house (like literally everything else) and had only gotten worse through the years.

The tub came stained and discolored and no cleaning trick I ever tried could fix it. A couple of times my dad used this enamel stuff on it to make it look better, but that lasted about a year at a time and then would flake off. Eventually we just stopped doing that.

The shower tiles were also coming off. Several times we just did patching, replacing some with close-but-not-quite color matches.

Eventually... well, you'll see the state of it here in a second.

Also, I tried early on to take a bath in my bathtub, and then realized that there was no overflow, but there WAS a leak around the area where an overflow would have gone but was covered up... and then if there was overflow it just spilled behind the wall. It was a small, shallow tub anyway and baths weren't comfortable, especially for someone who wasn't a size six.

The "Just moved in, this is what I have to work with" picture.

Ugh.

Also, please note that there's actually NO SHOWERHEAD IN THIS TUB. There's just... no shower. So I guess people were taking baths in it? My buddy Helen installed a new faucet and showerhead for me.

See... that's what I started with.

After I took down the wallpaper, cleaned as best I could and slapped up a new coat of paint... I could live with it. Surely I'd make it better!

Oh, also when I tore that wallpaper out, TERMITES were living there, just under the wallpaper above the tub. eating through the drywall.

Thank God for the home warranty that first year, they came out and treated them. Had it treated again a couple of years later.

---

The room got new flooring in the great Flooring & Kitchen Update of 2009.

And then this bathroom ALSO got the toilet and sink areas updated finally after nine years in 2012, as discussed back in parts 7 and 8.

That Shower Curtain is hiding a Secret --- the secret is that the bathtub is still the same, but getting worse!

Much improved. Not so gross. You know, as long as you don't look behind the shower curtain!

Also, no I did NOT put anything into that medicine cabinet frame either... until... well you'll see.

Hilariously, look, I have no pictures of the ceiling of this room but I very much painted all the way up to NEAR the ceiling on all the walls that got painted beige and then never finished. I think I posted this somewhere before but I'll say it again. I just kind of forgot to finish painting this room for twelve years. As long as you didn't look up at the ceiling it was FINE, lol. When I had painted before it was messy too. So there were paint splotches on the ceiling. It was not good and I have ZERO excuses.

My boss at the time had a quote that I always remember and think about in relation to this --- "There's the first 90% of a project, and then the second 90% of the project." Meaning that sometimes just crossing the finish line when you're within a few steps of it is like the hardest part. That's what this ceiling was. I think at one point a couple of years on I went and grabbed the paint can to finish, but the paint was solid by that point, so I was like "Oh I need to just go get more paint.

AND THEN I DIDN'T.

---

I'm going to post here something I swore I'd never show people, the reason I almost never had people stay overnight in my house, my greatest shame.

This is how bad it got at the end.

No amount of cleaning could make it better. Some tiles were held on with duct tape, others just falling off at random. It was so bad, so gross. The reason my showers were all 5 minutes or less whenever possible.

So yeah, the bathroom was pretty nice, as long as you didn't look behind the shower curtain. Or up.

The reason I almost didn't want to show Arturo how bad it was, because it was just... so bad, but I trusted him and.... GOD it was worth it.

---

Once the master bath was mostly done, just some of the details like putting in the trim and painting the smaller things, so that we had a working bathroom at all times, Arturo started in on the hall bath.

This was truly one of the most beautiful sights I've ever seen. I was so happy when I saw this that I wanted to cry with joy. Gone was the ancient, gross tile. And seeing the gross drywall underneath gone as well.

Also, hey, no black mold like I was slightly worried would be a problem!

But also there was this...

Uhhh yeah so that would be wood that was chewed through by termites.

Arturo said there weren't any there now -- this is just all the damage they'd done for who knows how many years before I moved in and maybe a little after until I had the second termite treatment.

All of that wood got torn out. A few days later...

GOODBYE FOREVER AND NO THANK YOU gross old small stained tub. And hello to brand new uneaten wood!

Arturo said that the plumbing under here had also rotted out and fallen apart at some point and the water was also mostly draining straight into the ground.

So both of my bathrooms were seriously fucked in ways I couldn't have known about.

Obviously, that was all replaced and fixed. Any bad bits of plumbing or wood or whatever were made whole and new.

---

So while this was going on, I also now had to start making decisions about this bathroom.

Originally, I had said that since both bathrooms had very good tile floors still, and the sink countertop was beige and the sink cabinet/mirror/medicine cabinet set were all brown, that I would just keep both bathrooms beige themed. After all, it looked great in the Master.

I did want different accent tile to differentiate the two. And so Arturo brought me a couple of samples and after the obvious choice of the one I made in the Master, I decided on this for the hall bath.

Another decent beige accent tile, and I would do a taupe on the wall to match the taupe-ish lighter glass tile in the accent. It would have looked nice, with little effort to change things. We were going to use the same main tile in the shower, as well.

And then I started thinking about accents like towels, shower curtain and rugs and looking online for accents that would look good with all this and... couldn't find things I would like. At all.

I began doubting my taupe idea and was worried that the bathroom would be, well, boring. I wasn't in love with any of this stuff, the accent or the taupe colors and couldn't bring it all together in my brain to something I really wanted.

So one Sunday, I spent my afternoon tile shopping.

I went to Floor & Decor, which had hundreds of options, several of which I liked and took pictures of as "maybe", but nothing super leapt out at me.

The Tile Shop, which is ridiculously expensive. I did find an option in there that I loved, but it was almost $30 a tile. The accept tile in the master bath was $15 and I thought that was almost too expensive.

I went to Lowe's, which is where the master bath tile came from, and saw nothing else that spoke to me.

I went to The Home Depot, and fell in love with an accent tile. I actually went there first and saw The One, but made myself go to all the other places to make sure I didn't love anything else more. The One was only $10 a tile, too!

One huge problem though.

It was not beige.

It is called Binary Code and it is mauve, silver... and black.

The entire day when I was out looking at other options, stubbornly telling myself I couldn't use that one because it would require too many changes my brain also just kept chewing on BUT I LOVE IT, I WANT IT!! like a petulant child.

I finally went back to home depot late in the afternoon and stood there and looked at Binary Code, standing there mentally listing out all of the things I'd need to have Arturo change in order to get what I wanted.

We'd need a new main tile, something in black and white.

I went and looked at the main tile options and hey, a nice black and white one I liked for like $1.50 per tile. More expensive than the .89 per main tile for the master bath, but I'd tell Arturo he could charge me for the difference.

Okay but also the floor would need to be redone in that tile, so there's a little extra cost and labor.

All of the wood wouldn't really match now. But instead of replacing... how about just painting? Just a black paint on all the wood... that would work!

I could do it! This was going to be fine!

...and then I realized that the sink countertop was still beige. Shit. I don't know if we could paint that.

I decided, in the end, it was all going to be worth it. I bought all 14 remaining pieces of Binary Code at that Home Depot right then and there, and snapped a picture of the new main tile for Arturo.

I braced myself when he came to the house next and showed him the new tile, told him the new plan.

He was totally cool with it.

We needed a few more pieces of Binary Code, and I asked him about the extra cost and he said since I bought most of the accent tile myself it would balance things out, even with doing the floors.

He then suggested looking at just buying a new sink countertop, and we looked online together after measuring the current one, and I ordered a plain white countertop in the same size.

We added the cost of the black paint and painting labor for the bathroom and I realized that I was headed to having a second bathroom that was exactly what I wanted. I was so happy.

I settled on a very light mauve for the walls, and bought towels, a shower curtain and bathmats in mauve, as well.

---

A week or so prior to this, Arturo and I discussed the new bathtub. It had been his plan added into the remodel cost to replace the tub with more or less the same kind of tub, just newer. Builder's grade. Which was fair!

But not what I wanted.

I told him not to buy a tub yet (and this was before we started in on the hall bath renovations.)

I went tub shopping online. For days.

I learned about materials, and sizes, and purposes of tubs.

I knew, after the horrorshow of my old tub, I wanted something nice. Not top of the line, but something I could actually take a bath in. A tub that wasn't just basic, but something I could show off a little and actually use.

After seeing options and prices, I decided that this was a splurge item. I set myself a budget of somewhere between 500 and 1000 for a tub, more than I imagined ever spending on one before, but I wanted acrylic for the durability and stain resistance. I wanted something I could soak in.

Arturo and I discussed at length the size of the tub once I told him what I wanted and showed him some options. The bathroom is already small, how much more could I encroach into the room without it becoming a problem? It obviously had to be the standard 60" long, but how wide and tall could I go?

After many hours of comparing tubs at Lowes/HD/Amazon... I finally picked my tub.

WOODBRIDGE 60" Acrylic Rectangular Alcove Soaking Bathtub in White with Right Drain

The main thing that sold me on this one was that it had extra insulation, so bathwater stayed warm longer. It was also gorgeous, and had a curved back for comfortable soaking.

It was also 4" wider than my old tub. Comfortable for more body shapes and sizes. 14" of soaking depth. Brushed nickle finish with a popup drain.

---

It took a week to arrive because it had to be shipped by freight. Then the FedEx guy decided to just walk to my door, and NOT ring the doorbell. I was sitting at my desk which is right next to the front door when I heard someone outside, I got up to grab a shirt to throw over my tank top, and he was gone when I got back 20 seconds later. I looked on my doorbell cam and he walked up, stood there for 10 seconds without reaching to knock or ring, stuck the paper on my door and jogged back to his truck.

I called and complained to FedEx and the next day put up MULTIPLE signs on my garage and door saying I am HOME and KNOCK. Then left the window over there open to make sure I heard him.

I greeted him as he walked to my driveway and made sure it got delivered inside my house per the shipping agreement.

...and then it was an extra table in the middle of my big room for like two weeks lol. I'd posted a pic a couple of updates back of Fry sitting on the box.

The new sink countertop came in around then, too, and spent like a month in the box just being a table.

It's OK, we needed the counter space.

---

Finally, the day arrived.

Had to snap a picture of the only time I'd ever see under the tub. Looks good!

The same day, the new main tile started going in.

And the plumbing got mounted! Look at that beautiful NOT ROTTED/CHEWED UP wood!

NGL, I now wish we'd put the controls / faucet a little lower, but it's OK where it is. A balance between high and low for showering or bathing.

It took longer than I was hoping for for this bathroom to get done, but near the end of September Arturo had a big project that he'd warned me about that kept getting delayed finally start up, so I saw him less as the weeks went by, but I understood.

Technically, we're still not done, here at the end of October, but he was actually here just yesterday the 30th and did a couple of things, and is coming back hopefully next week.

ANYWAY... in the meantime I bought a bathtub tray, and a bath pillow, and a box of bath bombs.

The tile went up on both the wall and the floor, the wood cabinets and mirror got painted, and a shelf put in over the bathtub.

--

It was finally painting the walls day!

I'd picked out the color I was sure I wanted, vaguely mauve and Arturo had picked up the color.

I was working when he and Janarie started painting and he called me in very shortly.

"I don't think this is the color you want. It's the right color but...."

I looked and quickly agreed. It wasn't just vaguely mauve, it was light pink. It wasn't what I'd envisioned now that it was on the wall. Shit.

Arturo said he'd have time to run and get a new color and get the painting done if I picked it very quickly.

I picked up my BFF Sherwin-Williams Paint Swatch Book and at that point I felt like I knew everything he had to offer. Other mauves on that page just weren't right, they'd also be too pink and I wanted a slightly grey-er mauve. I almost thought about looking at Behr or Glidden colors when instead I went to the Sherwin-Williams website and just color searched for Mauve... and bam. There it was.

Studio Mauve. It was in the back of the book, under a color collection called The Jazz Age, and it was perfect. Arturo went and got a can, came back and we were both happy when he started painting again.

One of the very last little dramas of the build.

---

Okay, so it all came together so well, and Arturo told me later that he doubted my vision when I told him, but he had to agree when it was all put together that he thought it worked great. Not what he would have done in his own house, but even he agreed with how well it all works together.

It's really me.

Here we go.

First, with the shower curtain.

And... voila! Pulled back.

I know, the shower curtain seems like it should be lower, but it really can't be. You'll see why in a sec.

I love that that curtain is the thing that ties all the mauve together. The Mauve that's on the walls is in that curtain. The mauve in the handtowels is in that curtain, and the mauve on the bathrugs is in that curtain.

I also bought turkish bathsheets in mauve for the room, and they... don't actually go with the rest of the mauve! The shade is off. But that's OK, they're hung up on a hook on the back of the door, out of sight. I maybe should have returned them and bought them in black but... eh. I'm fine with it.

I absolutely love the new tile, it looks so good and flows well from the floor to the wall.

The brushed nickel faucet was honestly in worse shape than I thought it was when Arturo put it back in. But then Arturo was like "I have another of those Delta faucets I don't need" so he gave that to me as well and I just paid for the install.

So there's a mix of chrome and brushed nickel in the bathroom now but I"m OK with it.

The wood stuff looks great painted black. And hey, also new art in the medicine cabinet windows that I think goes really well in the room!

Plus of course the same things like trim, door handles, doorstops etc. that's in every room.

A closer look at the tub!

It's got the same rainfall main shower head as the master, and the same controls.

That "shelf" at the bottom there is actually the water spout for the bathtub. It's so sleek, I love it a lot.

And of course the hand-held showerhead, same as in the master, replaced the one it came with.

The tub plug is a popup, and it's got an overflow that works!

Also a nice rounded slant for back resting. I have a bath pillow for my head and it's SO comfortable!

I've only taken baths twice, but I bought a box of bath bombs, light a candle, listen to a podcast or a chapter of an audiobook... it's SO nice and peaceful. Will still probably only do it every couple of weeks but It's SO relaxing and feels luxurious.

Oh I guess I didn't actually get a picture of this but if I did pull the shower curtain liner into the tub, it reaches almost to the floor of the tub. The tub is very tall and a couple of inches off the ground thanks to all that padding and insulation. It's a bit of a hazardous step, which is why there are hand-hold safety bars on both walls just outside of the tub. (You can see in the pic with the curtain closed above.)

Okay so! That's the hall bath! There's one room left... obviously, the Kitchen and I really can't wait to show you (and finish up this long series of posts lol).

But that'll probably happen about two weeks from now because I'm about to be really busy again!

Thanks for coming along on this long journey of a very small room. :)

[inseparabiles]

Turning toward the end of this month and oh boy the laundry pile grows.

To-do list:

art comm

fic request (gladiator twins modern AU)

whatever that warfare thing is that haunts me

historical RPF a.k.a that other thing that haunts me

finish B&W is somewhere in here (sorry about the spontaneous hiatus I got extremely disabled all of a sudden)

the seven dead doves that have sat here unwritten for half a year now

Hauntings are currently fistfighting each other for #1 priority after the obvious things. I'm afraid both are fics that are anticipated by absolutely nobody but me, myself and I at home, and yet.

Have to fit in here some therapeutically inadvisable things too, because there's a whole lot happening and a month of summer vacation between us and our next appointment. Enter the dark horse of time management championships, more specifically the second/advanced Latin course which we'd already kind of decided not to take, but today's lecture was started by our professor hosting a poll to see how many participants are thinking of signing up because the numbers currently are below minimum for the course proceeding and with the number of everyone on our course who said they are planning to sign up + my "maybe", the attendance may just hit the minimum for green light and I figured that that's as good a reason to sign up for it as any.

Who cares if our personal goal for the course is more or less to just tag along and enjoy the peer support and structure of learning rather than completing the course, if by signing up we ensure it goes forwards to begin with? Everyone should benefit from that and our prof gets to stay employed.

The good news is, after taking the first course, we've more or less filled our primary goal of being able to read and understand basic Latin texts. Yay. And after recovering for the past week from all of the everything this month, we even managed to hit 80% correct on the weekly vocab test for the first time on first go (you get three chances to max your score and this is, frankly, good enough).

To my disappointment I did not manage to figure out how to jailbreak the OneDrive folder that contains our lecture recordings yet. They're read only and not downloadable, but I am determined to fuck the system and steal them. I need them literally for personal use and I paid for them (kind of) so. Mine. Give them to me.

Luckily, I developed several increasingly annoying and convoluted methods of jailbreaking content while trying to bust out my fucking paid-for bonus content out of the digital edition of Gladiator II, one of them should be a go for OneDrive. I don't think OneDrive is as secure as Gladiator II was. It might be tough but it can't be that tough.

Embarrassingly signed for the second course under the wrong name. Oops. Out of the closet as a weird freak now, just in case the Caracalla irl icon on Zoom vs. our breasting boobily actual self whenever the camera is on contradiction wasn't weird enough.

Finally, controversially, I feel like we've slowly unfollowed the majority of our followed blogs on Tunglr who aren't part of the Gladiator fandom, entirely unrelated to them not being part of the Gladiator fandom and more relevantly to the fact that we are so fucking tired of the constant demands being reblogged onto our dash that we've reached zero tolerance for them. We should be doing this, DNI if we that, we're literally the worst scum of the earth if we x - you know what, I don't have the fucking time or energy for this. I'm fighting a much bigger war here that goes so far beyond social media posturing and I'm sorry I'm morally failing the popular things while trying to survive but I've reached the point where this is the most I'm able to do and I will not be entertaining demands or delusions about whatever other people think I should be doing more or better. Sorry, I'm currently caught up trying to figure out how the fuck to fight and survive my own government's plans of gutting the poor and sick to create a whole new class of poor people out of the middle class, and coping with the reality of my body falling apart on me with no end or help in sight. Some unhinged millionaire author doing whatever the fucking hell she is doing over yonder is unfortunately out of my scope of caring right now, as are ΡaΙestine and Ιraη which I know NOTHING about, and no, I am not taking criticism about this. I know shit sucks and is horrible. I cannot change this. I modestly expect to have at most a couple years left to live and I'm spending it on the things that make sense for me and that I feel I have an ounce of control over. None of the current global hot topics beyond climate collapse make it onto this list, and telling me repeatedly how this makes me the worst person on earth is not going to change how much of a single disabled human being with zero income I am.

Unfortunately for all, and not least myself.

[pitter-patt-art]

Ace Attorney AU August oops-august-has-been-over-for-a-week Update!!

Hiiiii well okay first and most importantly of all! Happy investigations collection day everyone!!!! My copy is supposed to arrive by 10pm although I'm not sure I'll be playing it right away, but, hey, once it arrives I'll have in my possession at least one physical copy of every game in the series (2 for aai1, woohoo)!!! *Coughs* uh except all of the OG Trilogy which instead I own like 2 times over digitally (3 in T&T's case, thanks Wii) lmao. Ah well.

NOW the actual post. Yeah it's not August anymore but I've been recuperating or w/e so shhh, better late than never!

Overall I wrote over 50k words (actually in August itself) and posted 5 fics (with many more in progress), which is honestly just, wild???? That is so cool. Apparently the way to overcome writer's block is just overcommit to a month-long prompt list, who knew!

Here is my post about the first 17 days/AUs! And over here's my Ao3 series for these! Below the cut I'll wrap up the last 14 days of AUs, some thoughts, etc!

I am setting the goal for myself to actually finish writing these before the end of the year even if they're not technically "AU-gust" qualified anymore by the time I get to them sooo ...wish me luck!! In the meantime I am proud of myself for (tbh completely unnecessarily and to my detriment lmao) coming up with actually a full 31 solid AUs based on the prompts that I feel inspired by.

This post is gonna be a bit more rambly than the last one because I definitely did more of my writing last month the first 2 weeks rather than the last 2, but nevertheless--

Onto the remaining AUs!

18 - Space Travel

So, I actually started a draft at the airport before my vacation where I got wayyyy too sidetracked getting detailed about this one and thus ended up not being able to finish the post before takeoff lmao. I'm not sure whether it's annoying or interesting to include all of that here, but it's my post so fuck it, here's August 21st patt to tell you aaall about it so I don't have to: The Martian AU (I've only seen the movie and not read the book but i *did* literally just re-watch it because this thought crossed my mind lol. (Hello! It's future me popping in to say: fun fact, rewatching this movie literally ended up being the reason I knew a bar trivia answer last week lmao. Huzzah for the powers of Ace Attorney refreshing my movie quote knowledge.) Be glad this one occurred to me because my first inclination was to lean into the dark past of my vld phase (I'm super joking I had a lot of fun with it before the last few seasons haha sorry idk what to tell you friends) and see how much I'd retained if i tried to make that work but the martian sounded more fun in the end). Apparently my Thing™ is a) poisoning Phoenix and b) putting Apollo in an insane situation in which he's completely on his own--which all things considered is probably far meaner lol. I think Phoenix is to blame for creating his own problem here for choosing to eat the stupid necklace but I fully blame Capcom for all the BS Apollo has gone through after AA4 (bc...the stuff IN that game is. coincidentally also Phoenix's blame to claim. lol). That said I'm part of the problem teehee. Apollo can be Some Guy from the real world who gets isekai'ed and he can also be Mark Watney :P (sorry bud I love you but you have just the Worst case of unavoidable main character syndrome). ((Which is QUITE funny actually because I'll never get over Capcom calling 4,5,6 the """"Apollo Justice Trilogy"""" (it's really not and it's frankly insulting they're trying to say it is.) Like he's. Y’know. The main character in exactly one of those games...... so.)) What was I talking about? Lmao oh yeah so Apollo is left on Mars (not sure he actually has much in the way of Botanist™ vibes but the indomitable, never-say-die, highly sarcastic vibes.... ye haha that's my boy right there). Omg wait sorry I'm writing this and realizing this whole thing actually fits the 18th AND yesterday's (the 20th) prompt as well. Whoops.

Clay as the captain (let him do something, says I)

Trucy as I think the pilot ONLY because I am literally constantly on the lookout to make a Wright Flying Brothers joke, sorry

Klavier aaaas. Uh. So the German astronaut in the film is the chemist and navigator and I know Klav's not necessarily supposed to be actually German canonically but there IS something funny about it

Athena as the flight surgeon and EVA specialist (for a couple reasons but mostly so she can be a doctor lol. I imagine she also can be there for psych stuff too, like, it's a long ass space voyage, that does shit to your brain)

Kay as the SysOp and reactor tech, tbh mostly because for some reason i really have a thing for hacker/programmer Kay, i guess?

Ema I want to be there also lol so that would be exceeding the actual number of OG astronauts but eh it's my AU. The rest of these I'm just directly comparing to a crew member from the martian but I think some of the titles and tasks could be redistributed a little to allow an extra person as a treat for me.

Originally i kind of wanted Sebastian (....SIGH. or...Eustace. (I fear even though it's AAIC release day today, I truly may die on this hill forever, falling on my sword of devotion and gratitude to the fan translation team... That said, while I think Eustace is, like, a Deeply Fine name, I have to say that Excelsius is a fucking knockout name lmfao, that one took me out. Anyway, ahem: "I wanted Seb/Eustace...")) to be there too but I think that's getting into too many cooks territory just specifically bc I'd have too many voices to play with lmfao. So instead I think he's the operator who works the satellite and realizes Apollo is alive, I think he'd fit that well. NOT THAT that needs to be. Included. In the AU. I have...so much self control.

Anyway I have too many thoughts about it, it's a problem, ironically I think I would prefer to focus on the crew and not Apollo himself, so that would at least make it more than just a rehashing of the movie/book. (Or, the movie at least. Does the book spend more time with them? I should read the book.) ...I did, Of Course, also came up with a funny, pseudo-future-science-y way to do a Sibling Reveal in this one, so there's that, too, haha. OKAY AND, SCENE. Snatching my mic back from myself. I'm actually so devoted to the Martian AU now hahaha, I really didn't think I'd let that happen to myself but here we are... You'll see in a bit, but I for-better-or-worse do truly have an extended universe going on for it now, eheh... (Help.)

19 - Spies

Franmaya?? Franziska POV??? Here's the deal: I cannot BELIEVE I got this many days into the month and STILL hadn't come up with a franmaya-centric AU, it's terrible. Also I need a Maya POV if I want to hit my self-set, self-indulgent goal of having POV of every "main" character I can (did I exactly accomplish this no but that's perfectly fine obviously haha it was just a side achievement I had my eye on). So to that end, I ended up with something here that I'm not COMPLETELY sure I won't end up changing when I sit down to actually work on it, but in short: semi The Princess Bride vibes but with spies instead of pirates! Or uh! So um okay full disclosure lol I got all excited about an AU of this kind and then like an hour into daydreaming it into existence I realized I was heavily relying on / leaning into ASSASSIN territory rather than SPY. Which are notably different things. (Wait lol should I blame Spy x Family?? Totally Endo-sensei's fault and not at all mine, boom, take that.) ...And not to go even harder into sxf territory, whoops, but my idea was something along the lines of like, since Kurain School Channeling changes spirit mediums' appearance entirely, I was going to have Maya be something of an expert in disguise, and Franziska I was almost more or less going to let retain her actual position of international prosecutor with Interpol, although perhaps I'd lean more into a James Bond-esque intelligence agency sort of thing than what we see them do in-game, I'm not sure. Maya gets "killed" for real in 2-4 except she actually just becomes an international assassin(?) apprentice. Does this make sense? Probably not lol. But is it a little funny and a little sad? Yes, yes it is, and that's always my sweet spot as a writer. The only problem with this premise is I can't stop myself from considering what Phoenix would do / be doing in the background, because the problem with Maya "dying"-only-being-secretly-alive leaves at least twofold problems in justifying why Nick hasn't gone full conspiracy theory board stop-at-nothing-to-find-her, in that a) If she's not dead, Pearl can't channel her, and knowing Pearl I have to imagine that would be her first move to try tbh, and b) even if that weren't an issue, if the police were never able to track down Maya's body at all, I fully believe Nick would still throw himself at the problem until he's able to find answers irregardless, so. This ain't about him though!! So we'll just all have to deal with knowing he's taking reaaally really bad care of himself while he single-mindedly tries to figure out what's going on ahaha...ha. He's most absolutely the drowning child in the facebook post meme. Don't worry about him.

20 - Crossover/Fusion

Soooo. Okay. First may I say, I'm not the most crossover-fic-y person in the world neither as a reader nor writer. HOWEVER. Unfortunately. My one undying weakness has proven to be Ace Attorney x Legally Blonde (and more specifically Legally Blonde the Musical, the best version, though I do love Reese Witherspoon's performance ofc it's iconic but the musical is just MWAH ugh. One of my all-time favorite musicals and definitely the one I've listened to the most esp the past couple years hahaha.) The problem is, I've joked about so many slight variations / one very Long Intensive specific AA/LBtM crossover AU ideas, that trying to limit myself to a one-shot I could conceivably finish within a day proved too much for my decision paralysis and I didn't end up writing any of them lmao. Alas. Mostly, I just think it would be funny to see the characters interact in something of a vacuum just for fun, the problem is just that I happen to be uniquely terrible at not thinking through a Crack AU until I can, ahem, "crack" it, so to speak, to make it actually justifiably function. So in theory all I want to write for this day is some combination of like, Elle and Phoenix interacting and Miles and Emmett interacting, or the four of them having a conversation that goes something like "omg wait me too!! i also went from a creative undergrad degree directly into law to chase after some guy!! what are the odds teehee" while Emmett and Miles watch in horror, and also alternatively Emmett and Phoenix mostly bemusedly watching Elle and Miles geek out over like, fancy ass high class (pink) clothing like "uh yeah i have no idea what any of those words mean. she bought me this suit and i honestly wouldn't even be able to find the store again. oh no way he bought you yours too?? man, wild." Etc. (If anyone's interested in really watching me suffer and spiral: my longer and more intensive idea for an AU with them is to have them be tackling parallel cases where either of them (Elle and Phoenix) has specific knowledge that is helpful to defending the others' client, and they get like place-swapped through dimensional shenanigans somehow also related to the cases. And Phoenix has to abide by, like, nominally-accurate US trial law (I know he wouldn't really be licensed shhhh) -- by which I mean Emmett is sitting as his co-council and exercising the most restraint possible to keep from bashing his head into the table every two seconds. And Elle has to abide by guilty-until-proven-innocent Japanifornia trial law ("wait WHAT omg what do you MEAN the prosecution can just, like, not submit their evidence before the trial???? wait what do you MEAN we should just TAKE THAT that is EVIDENCE AT A CRIME SCENE--"). On the bright side, Elle gets to experience being one of the most normally-dressed people in a courtroom and not at all being looked down upon for her general vibes and wardrobe (like tell me she wouldn't fit right in in the ace attorney universe and seem completely ordinary), and Phoenix gets to experience a real jury (take that jurist system trial that Capcom would like to never ever talk about again) and also the judge going "so, Prospective Juror No. 103, do you understand that the defense in this criminal trial does not need to say a single word in order to be doing their job? the burden of proof lies entirely on the prosecution the entire time and the defense and defendant could choose to remain silent every day of trial and that would be completely within their rights, do you understand that? are you okay with that?" etc etc, shout out to my jury service a couple month ago and the kinds of questions a real life California judge asks jurors that would seriously blow the minds of every single character in Ace Attorney lmfao can you imagine? Anyway.) So yeah idk. Also something something, spirit mediums and the whole Greek Chorus bit from the musical... "School Spirit"... much to think about in crack AU land hahaha.)

21 - Absurd Tragedy

To be honest with you, this is the entire series lmao, so much so that I had trouble even thinking of an AU to be "alternate" in any way here, hahaha. What I sort-of landed on and have vague outline notes about in my doc is (not to make another excellent-musical-adaptation-of-an-already-top-tier-movie-which-is-itself-a-highly-unfaithful-adaptation-of-a-fairly-obscure-book reference) a Shrek the Musical "I Think I Got You Beat"-style debate about whose canonical absurd tragic circumstances are the worst, lmfao. Granted, this then turned into a "wait what if I use said argument as an absurd way in which to make Apollo and Trucy have a siblings realization completely on their own, which both compounds the fact they've both already lived such tragedy to begin with but also could touch on Phoenix knowing about it and not telling them about it", and uhhhhh lmfao a debate specifically between them is OBVIOUSLY not the romantic flirting banter of the song between Shrek and Fiona lmfao but like still, the general premise, just in a sibling bickering coat of paint instead. Also was toying with it being an Athena POV just to sell home / for the additional absurdity of the experience of "you've gone over to your friend's house to hang out and suddenly they're obnoxiously arguing with their sibling and their parents are nowhere to be seen and you're not exactly sure what you're supposed to do with yourself except awkwardly wait for them to be done" lmfao. Which I've most absolutely experienced from both ends multiple times hahaha. The alternative option for this prompt is just for me to write an excessively long essay debating and attempting to personally rank the main cast's level of absurd tragedy compared to each other, lol.

22 - Orphan

I wrote 324 words (slash one physical lined page in my actual notebook) of this while I was on vacation, lol. AU where Miles invites Phoenix to go watch one of Gregory's trials (or Phoenix invites himself, or Gregory invites him while Miles tries to hold the landline phone away from him, lol) and I mean of course the trial he goes to is The Trial (like, Jeffre... AW CRAP wait I don't actually know what Jeff Master's or Kate Hall's official names are lmfao uhhh. Well you know what don't worry about that. Happy AAIC day once again..? Lol. Anyway, the concluding day of Gregory's last trial, obviously, ignore the defendant's name.) Like, basically, here's my thought. AU where Phoenix is also there, and not only does that mean he knows what happened to Miles and Gregory but also, like, it's Phoenix. Tell me even at 9 he wouldn't be insisting on taking care of the poor kid who just lost everything and has nowhere in the world to go. Tell me he's not like, begging his parents they need to help him, lol. I think really this is just sort of an AU to explore one of my several personal headcanons for what Phoenix's parents are like, because I've spent a lot of time on a different version of them (coughs for the last AU on this list...coughs) but I also have a version of them which I find fun / funny where they're like, kinda hippy-dippy and like very hands-off (tbh almost all of my hc's about the Greater Wrights is they're very hands off, just in different ways) but in more of a "we want our child to experience the beauty and wonder of the world on his own time and not influence him or set rigid standards to conform to" kind of philosophy. Anyway my point is they like adopt/foster Miles somehow before Manfred can actually get his hands on him (he's still too busy dealing with the fresh bullet wound I guess?) This is just a gen au of course, not only because they're 9 lol but also the logistics of being adoptive/foster siblings gets weird quick lmao, but mostly I just find it interesting to think about what might have happened if Miles was in an environment where people paid more attention and cared more (and weren't explicitly influencing and manipulating him to exasperate the problem on purpose), because I have to imagine examining his nightmares a little more closely a little more quickly might have led someone (say, Phoenix who was also there in this AU) to find something slightly off about it or like start putting pieces together quicker, idk. I, uh, I'm not gonna lie to you, I don't actually remember how I intended to end this one hahaha ;; I started it but I was on vacation and neglected to outline / summarize the rest of my ideas the day of, so I guess I'll just have to see where my mind takes me when I get back to it.

23 - Musician

So my FIRST thought for this day was to use it as an excuse to finish my First Ever Ace Attorney Fic, which has been in WIP stasis for...uh.... 6. Years. i--SIX????? Shit. lmfao. yeah uh. I guess I created the first version of the doc (on my OneNote, god) back in 2018. So. Yeah. Hm. Omfg. This fic has partially existed since before Phoenix Disbarment Day. That is so. Wow. Damn. Y'all we're so close to aa4 time (2026) what the hell??? Ahem. Pianist Phoenix. That's. My point lmao. I know the original thing that sparked me loving this concept was actually some tumblr post I saw apparently a LONG long time ago, hahaha, and I know there's no way I'll find it with tumblr's abysmal search function, but just know it was not a completely original idea of mine when I say i fucking LOVE the headcanon that, you know what actually Phoenix CAN play the piano, he just chooses to do it as shittily as possible because that's kind of what he's like post-disbarment and he'd absolutely get a kick out of fucking with people like that even if they have no way to know they're being fucked with. It's like, he's no virtuoso or anything, but he can passably play the piano! He's just being an ass on purpose! It kills me every time lol. I won't say I think that's necessarily true in canon so ofc it's not like an end-all-be-all hc for me or anything but it's just sooooo funny to me that I like to break it out any time I possibly can. Look me in the eyes and tell me he wouldn't. Honestly, look me in the eyes and tell me if he actually put his mind to it in any meaningful way he wouldn't be able to get decent quickly regardless, considering the fact he became an accomplished lawyer on more-or-less a total whim. This to say: that was my intention, to finish this fic I've had brewing that was about Phoenix actually being able to play the piano and hiding it for a really long time but eventually being found out by Miles by chance. Except then I sat down on the plane and started writing a Pearl POV instead? In which she finds out about more or less the same exact concept but from Iris--also by chance, but less actually catching him playing and more being asked, "Oh, does he still play? He was always good at that." And then bc it's Pearl (Pearl I love you), of COURSE she goes and confronts him about it. Pearl might be the single most confrontational character in these games tbh which is SO FUNNY to me. Like I'm kind of exaggerating obviously but also am I? I know she has psyche-locks you have to break through multiple times throughout the series but stiiiill. Everyone else is so repressed and weird about anything remotely vulnerable, I stg. Props to Maya for making sure Pearl turned out pretty okay I guess, lmao. Anyhow yeah that's sort of the AU I ended up with. Pearl POV where she and Iris know they're sisters (don't get me started on this I have so many thoughts about the amount of information I'm positive Maya and Pearl are NEVER given skjflj) and Pearl visits Iris in prison regularly and on one such visit maybe she mentions Nick's job at Borscht and Iris makes a totally innocuous comment to the effect that Pearl learns he actually knows how to play the piano and she goes to get mad at him about it because he's definitely been pretending he can't and Pearl's pretty sure he's told neither Maya nor Trucy the truth and that cannot be left to stand.

24 - Pretend Hate

Okay, this exists in a similar realm to the Orphan prompt, except instead of Phoenix being there for the trial or the Wrights taking Miles in before Manfred can, it's more just AU where Miles doesn't actually cut all contact and he and Phoenix successfully end up exchanging correspondence (in semi-secret) during the time they're separated (i.e. they remain friends and close during the 15 years they're separated in canon). "Semi-secret" because they--esp Miles--somehow hide who exactly it is they're talking / writing to all the time but don't necessarily hide the fact they are doing that. Like, a fake cultural / language exchange program or something? I feel like there could be a world where Manfred really doesn't give a shit what Miles is up to as long as he's being molded into "someone Gregory Edgeworth would hate" (I don't think he would lol but that's another AU) and becoming a model von Karma protege prosecutor and such. He obviously goes to lengths to cut Miles off from everything he's familiar with in that he takes him to Germany, but I've always thought it's way more on Miles feeling guilty and blaming himself and thinking he's unworthy / pushing people away being the reason why they never talked before aa1 despite Phoenix's "attempts to contact him," whatever those may be specifically. And, yeah, I've watched that one episode of the anime but tbh I don't really use anime canon for almost anything besides maybe some of the fun visuals, haha, so I'm kind of disregarding that anyway. ANYWAY. My point is. The "pretend hate" part is that--sometime over the course of exchanging correspondence, Phoenix starts thinking something's weird and gets it in his head to "investigate" himself, since he's still in LA / has access to the scene of the crime and stuff, and then as a combo of him just plugging away at it until he has enough (circumstantial) evidence to be like "Miles I think you're wrong about this" and also a younger, slightly less repressed, slightly less in Manfred's pocket Miles actually being somehow willing to consider alternatives a little--they're able to put their heads together and eventually come to the (correct) conclusion ahead of time, before the 15-year statute of limitations, that it was almost certainly Manfred who did it. And then they work together to figure out how they can possibly PROVE that but they haven't thought of anything foolproof by the time aa1 events start rolling around (or at the very least, the 5-years-ago sections of aa3? It might make more sense if it's as soon as Miles returns to Japanifornia, and also I think Phoenix has way less reason to fall for Dahlia/Iris so hard if Miles is around and *coughs* available lmfao. Anyhow). So, in the hopes it'll keep Manfred from getting suspicious of Miles, they publicly pretend to hate each other, putting on a show of more of the canon attitude Miles esp. has before 1-4, but behind the scenes they're actually working together trying to think of a way they can definitely get a conviction to stick that Manfred won't be able to worm out of. And that's the AU! Idk, in terms of additional thoughts, I couldn't decide what to do / what would happen to Mia in this AU either, which doesn't super matter but did give me pause. So she might live, idk, depends the exact timeline. I do also think a scene where--Dahlia still hits on Phoenix in the reading room/courthouse library but he's like, actively there waiting for one of Miles' trials to conclude for a covert meeting, so when Miles gets there and is like "What are you messing with over there?" Phoenix is like "Oh, hey, check out this weird bottle some girl just gave me because apparently she fell in love at first sight, haha, isn't that so funny--" and then Miles recognizes it from the Fawles trial and they catch Dahlia earlier or something, idk. Or alternatively Phoenix was AT that trial so HE recognizes it. Or maybe it's funniest if he was there but doesn't recognize it until Miles does lmao, this is not the point of this AU but I can't stop myself from considering this part of it.

25 - Scientists

So THIS is the day I sort of alluded to earlier, many many words of post ago, where I got so invested in my The Martian AU that I started accidentally worldbuilding about it. What I've started and have about 400 words of (slash one notebook page, again from the plane after my vacation), is like, AU where it's NASA instead of law and I can make Phoenix go "What, like it's hard?" only it's about literally rocket science this time hahaha. Basically for this fic I just thought, well what if Phoenix just shows up as a flight tech or engineer or something (idk I don't really know that much about real life astronautics) as Miles is preparing for some space mission or something and he's just like WHAT are YOU doing HERE. I know I know I made Apollo literally be the titular martian and yes he ALSO has a (or tbh probably has a WORSE) canonical debilitating fear of heights, so, shhh, but I do like the idea that Phoenix is like, oh, who, me? In the flying metal death trap? No fucking thank you, I will be down here watching and talking directly to you through a headset or something. You cannot escape me however i can at least escape the building I'm in. No interest in seeing the Earth from above, thanks. Actually iirc Miles also doesn't love heights but meh whatever I'm fairly certain Phoenix talks about it the earliest in the series so there you go. Anyway, this would all be a mission prior to whatever mission it is that Apollo & Co. go on to Mars for the first part of the AU, so I guess you could consider it a prequel? And probably a fairly shippy one. I have other reasons for which it's fun for me if wrightworth is at least together if not outright married before the events of the "The Martian" part of the AU, so this one would be, like, about how exactly that went down.

26 - Victorian Era

Okay, once again, this just. IS. Literally. Dai Gyakuten Saiban / The Great Ace Attorney. Lol. That said, I've always loved the fanart I've seen of like Ryuunosuke and Phoenix (and respective Co.'s) interacting, or like, one or the other ending up in the other time period somehow, so I thought it'd probably be fun to try my hat at that. I feel like I've neglected the tgaa characters anyway, considering I actually somehow managed to reference PLvPW already, which is obviously significantly more of a spinoff and also just largely non-canonical, lmao. Also tgaa is just SO GOOD, augh. I'd love to have the multi-witness cross examinations from both of those games back sometime again, and I had so much fun with the jury in tgaa too, excellent mechanic. What was I talking about? So, I never completely decided on a concrete direction to take this, but even before AU-gust had started I'd already been toying with the idea of an AU where maybe Maya or Pearl channels a character from tgaa specifically because some documentary or special or something comes out talking about the real-life Herlock Sholmes (as opposed to the Totally Fictional "Sherlock Holmes" who Phoenix references in that one trilogy line, because I really think that's the funniest possible explanation for the discrepancy) and they're arguing over how that cannot possibly be a real person and no one was named that and etc etc and then to prove once and for all one way or the other Hurley is channeled and also for bonus joke content "recognizes" Phoenix at first (idk pretend his eyesight got worse in his older age, I know Phoenix and Ryuunosuke look, tbh, less alike than Ryuu and Apollo do, lmao, but again that's another AU) and then I get to play with Phoenix's mom's maiden name is Naruhodou and his middle name is Ryuuichi or such to that effect, because that is also a favorite headcanon of mine (not in small part because I can project my own life onto him by making him half-Japanese from SoCal, lol). So that's an idea I'd had that was already decently fleshed out and the ONLY problem is that if I'm having characters actually be channeled then there's a very real limiting factor of how many spirit mediums exist, and also that means Maya and/or Pearl don't get to interact with them, which for the sake of not overwriting would be good but for the sake of my love of a chaotic group conversation would be bad. But, uh, hopefully I do manage to hold myself to a less broad cast of characters, ideally, instead of bringing a bunch of them over to the other time period to see how they'd deal with that and interact en masse. Ha. Haha.

27. Younger / De-Aged

So here's another AU I'd already had idle thoughts about before AU-gust had even started! I...will get into this later, TRUST I will, lmfao, but I do have an extremely involved AU already in which Time Travel of the "regression" type is involved, i.e., they have their memories of the "future" but are thrown back into the past including their own younger bodies however-many-years-ago. So I've got that type of thing covered, I promise I do, haha. And additionally, I've actually already written them "younger" for my colorless AU way back on day 2, so I did think perhaps I'd just continue that one and say it was for this prompt (a smart person thing to do. this is the objectively correct option). On the other hand. I find pre-DL6 Phoenix and Miles reacting to how their lives actually turned out in the end HILARIOUS. Tell me it's not funny. And tell me it's not, like, some sort of depressing-yet-ultimately-hopeful for the older/current them to look at their child selves and be like Kid, Oh, You're Going To Go Through Some Shit, but also reflect on how they did make it and things turned out okay and life goes on etc etc. My problem with this kind of thing is that it's hard to come up with a justification for and that's not a problem in itself but it is a problem in me not knowing how i'm going to end a fic, which often gets me decision-paralysis-ed into not being able to start it in the first place, which did in fact happen to me here, haha. I think ideally I'd just do a quick "wait, was that a dream?" kind of thing where they (Miles and Nick) have a short conversation with themselves, but... Uh-oh, what, did you think that was all I had? You clearly don't know me at all. OTHER au option where young Phoenix is in the future/present and rather than himself and Miles it's the Wright Anything Agency who like, idk, find him roaming the streets of LA (fun fact! I actually came up with this AU one day while I was quite literally roaming the streets of LA myself at like 3am-ish. Do with that what you will). He is of course wearing a hat or beanie or something at first because come on, that's way more fun, and no matter how much Trucy, Apollo, and Athena are like "hm idk something about this kid seems familiar" I just don't think my first thought upon seeing some vaguely familiar kid alone on the street would be, like, "Oh, that's obviously a child version of my father/coworker/boss!" So. I'm not really sure that one has an end point either, though, so the same problem still stands, haha. The bad, someone get a spray bottle to spritz me, option of this is, obviously, to combine the two, so it's like the WAA find him first and then are like UHHHHH we need an adult (never mind actual adult-age-ness between them) and somehow end up getting Miles there too, but idk. I... should not. Overcomplicate. I shouldn't. Even, even if...august is over...so theoretically there's no longer any sort of On-Time component since it's late either way........ definitely not.

28 - Caretaker

Here are my exact notes / entire doc for this day. Ahem. And I quote: i brought up the lighthouse keeper thing but i dont know where that would be going exactly maybe this is a thing i could do franmaya for??? since i still havent gotten there? actually lol that as a lighthouse thing is funny. ghost romance? my three tropes rattle End quote. Anyway, shout-out to my friend hailstorm for being the one there to brainstorm "lighthouse keeper" with at the self-same bar trivia that I mentioned previously, lmao. I actually think that was even the same exact day as the The Martian quote was a relevant answer to a question. So yeah, even though I already kind of have franmaya planned for the spies day, that's both kind of sort of a darker AU overall and--WELP well, okay, so, i do, you know, recognize maybe a ghost romance isn't, uh, necessarily the fluffiest kind of AU lmao. Don't mind that. My point is, I love the vibes of a lighthouse keeper AU, and I generally like ghost romance as a trope, so that does feel like a viable option. Honestly, I kind of separately wanted an excuse to practice writing miego also, so maybe the Feys are just all chillin' in this lighthouse for...Some Reason, and that's side-plot relevant somehow, idk. I know Franziska and Godot exist in the same place for a minute in 3-5, but I honestly can't really remember them interacting? I think she'd fucking HATE him though lmfao. He'd think she's funny but I actually think she'd be too reactive for his most preferred teasing/fucking-with-people dynamics, haha. Regardless, if he is there at all, it's a very minor B plot, I think, 'cause this ain't about him, lol.

29 - Forced into Hiding

Achtung, baby, 2566 words of this are written! Lol. So uh, yeah. In short, AU where Klavier gets hounded by fans on the street while he's also having just a bad personal day, and the closest and best place he can think to hide from them is at the WAA. I, um, actually hadn't realized I'd written quite this much of this, haha, it was supposed to be short and fairly silly but then it turned into Klavier having a little bit of a panic attack maybe and getting consoled by Apollo, sure, of course, but then also having to deal with and experience some amount of closure / reach some kind of understanding with the Wrights, also. It's kind of part Klav character study, kind of part complaint against freaking Capcom for neglecting him (boo, I love him, stop ignoring him, or, yknow, worse, whatever the heck turnabout academy was supposed to do for him, which honestly almost felt like a step back to be quite honest). Okay, also, taking a slightly closer look at what I've already written, the REASON I'd thought I'd written way less than this is definitely because he hasn't even GOTTEN to the Agency yet, never mind spoken with any of its members, lmao. That would do it. In any case, I like the idea of Klavier having a bit of a vulnerable moment, and I also like the idea of him and Phoenix actually, like, talking for real, instead of, once again, whatever Turnabout Academy and DD was meant to tell me, which seems to be less than nothing. I kind of like the fact that it gave him a law mentor? I mean, she was very dead, but I have a very meaningful Use for her in later-to-be-announced-AUs-I-keep-teasing, haha. I of course considered other people and times when people in AA might be forced into hiding, but this felt like a silly but also meaningful way to do that without it just being an exploration of Miles and his not-suicide note (which wasn't exactly "forced" anyhow, he did that all on his own) or like, Zak Gramarye (who also completely did that to himself but w/e). Making it about Klavier completely escapes the bounds of canon, because canon is a weenie about talking about any of his actual feelings EVER, so screw you Capcom, I'm doing it for you. Don't worry about it. Trucy commiserating with him about still Loving someone, perhaps the very closest person biologically related to you you've ever known and depended on in your life, who not only did you very big harm personally but explicitly used you in a very real and participatory way to perpetuate the harm elsewhere and all the complexities about Feelings For And About Them Therein, and Phoenix somehow having enough self-awareness to recognize that shutting down completely and isolating yourself away doesn't actually do you any good even when you're at your lowest, and recognizing that Klavier doesn't exactly have a "Trucy" to be a focal point to draw him out of that, and that therefore he needs to be a bit more open to his peers. (Insert joke about "Well, I'm really definitely not suggesting you go adopt an entire child, that's really probably, uh, not the way to go, actually, but, you know. Everyone needs people, that just makes us human." Etc.)

30 - The Beginning of the World

So, hm, as it turns out, I got extremely sidetracked this day thinking about the next day on the docket. Whoops! Unfortunately this ultimately means my ideas for this day as of now are relatively uninspired: I had the thought that I could explore the beginning of Troupe Gramarye, which is its own sort of world, or else, maybe something about the beginning of the series itself but from the somewhat unconventional POV of a one Mr. Larry Butz. Yes, that's a bit self-serving in that it lends toward trying to complete a list of "main, recurring characters' POVs" that I've had as a sidequest all month, but, still. That said, just exploring actual canon through Larry's POV isn't exactly what I'd classify as an "AU" necessarily, so I feel like something would need to be different here. Okay, wait--not to draw inspiration a dang week late to the party, BUT. Now that I'm typing this up, I'm thinking, okay, maybe, what if. The "Beginning" of the series, technically speaking, is basically the fact that Phoenix gets put on (class) trial for stealing Miles' lunch money--which notably only happened because Larry himself picked it up when it fell on the floor. So, perhaps, what about an AU where he doesn't do that? I mean, I guess it would just turn the entire world of AA into something of a terrible series of tragedies with no real closure about them, lol, rip, but it could possibly be interesting? I dunno! (And, yes, I know DL-6 itself is more or less the basis of the series, if we're being ticky-tacky, but Phoenix wouldn't have been involved without meeting Miles, and that somewhat necessitates the class trial, and without him none of canon would get resolved, so. I will say, I do love going back to the earliest points to see how and how much you can make canon deviate or stay the same--reasonably speaking--via minor tweaks and butterfly effect and all that, so this could be interesting, although I once again must say I think it really just means a bunch of innocent people, Miles included, are going to be put away and possibly executed over murders that weren't their faults, lol. Hm. Much to consider.)

31 - Two(+) of the Above:

Beginning of the World + Younger/De-Aged + Canon Divergence (+ Feat. Jokers: Guardian, Everybody Lives)

With all of this, the ONLY prompts I've actually missed on this list become Animagus which I swapped for the Wings joker, and the last joker of the four, Thriller, which was never exactly a priority of mine because I'm not sure I'd write that sort of thing particularly well, so! Wild! Completionists everywhere almost rejoice, haha. SOOOOO. For the eagle-eyed readers out there, I'll bet you're just dying to know what this one AU I've been teasing all post could Possibly be to warrant such a build-up, right? (...Right?) The answer is the at-ow! (Phonetically, lol. I've been calling it that instead of out loud saying all the letters in AATTAU out loud every time.) My friend Ben can attest to the fact that this behemoth AU (her word which I'm stealing) has been in the works for, uhhhh... months?

MONTHS. AHAHA. Ha. That. Sure says March! It sure does! And it is not lying. Lmfao. (Ignore the time, I was working overnight then--my beloved work schedule whomst I miss dearly--so that's a perfectly reasonable discord-ing hour for March-me.) Also, once again, I'm choosing to blame Ben for my extensive AU problems, she sent me a very cute time loop AA fic that utterly destroyed my entire mind because it got the mere idea of "Time-based AU" caught in my endless void-idea-hole. So. Here's the real rub. The literal reason I started doing this AU-gust challenge in the freaking first place was that I was absolutely Desperate to find a way to overcome my writer's block. And one of the (admittedly many) reasons I wanted to do this was because I have been ITCHING to write this stupid behemoth AU for real. I have a massive outline doc already, I have a whole slew of scenes planned, I have lots of character archage, I have sooo many things I want to say and explore about them all you have No Idea. It's extremely self-indulgent and absolutely my personal magnum opus for all my very specific favorite AA headcanons and ideas and thoughts. And obviously, it worked! I did indeed overcome my writer's block! And I had so much fun doing it!! And I'll admit, from the very beginning, I had been eyeing that "Everybody Lives" joker prompt, because...that's it! That's basically the point of the AATTAU (Ace Attorney Time Travel Alternate Universe, if that wasn't clear, haha). I don't want to let myself get TOO into it, because Oh Boy, I sure will! If you let me! Haha. But basically the premise is EXACTLY what I stated in that very first discord message I could find about it. Maybe not so much "time travel" technically speaking than it is "gaining memories of everything that happened in canon right as the DL-6 earthquake happens", so it's more regression than actual time travel since they're in their own younger bodies and everything, but still. It's basically my excuse to treat canon like it did happen and YET allow for everybody to survive and for the very fun cocktail of traumas and joys that come from remembering what happened but having the chance for something different (and all the effort that goes into making something different happen in the first place).

Now, as far as AU-gust goes. I was obviously not about to even pretend I could remotely start this during August itself or justify connecting any of it to the series and the prompts I'd already written for it, lol, but I also couldn't get the idea out of my head, so I got it in my head I really wanted to end the month with SOMETHING that somehow tied into my AATTAU, if only to motivate myself to actually get on it and start writing out instead of solely outlining everything that's been in the works all these months. So to that end, I saw the "Everybody Lives" and the "Beginning of the World" prompts, and an idea came to me. I'd been dancing around the justification aspect of this AU for most of the time I've had it because let's be honest, it's just a very self-indulgent idea and it does not NEED "justification" to serve the purpose I want it to serve and be what I want it to be. But the AU-gust prompts gave me some actual inspiration and an Idea as to a way to solidify my unnecessary "justification" but in a way that it doesn't need to be directly part of the final product of the AATTAU (like, I could make it a separate one-shot and either just link it to and from the AATTAU fic itself, or if it all ends up being a series, then I could just include it in the series but it wouldn't be necessary to read to understand what's going on. And so, I present! The Ami Fey one-shot special I came up with just to fit these prompts :3 ...And by "i present" i mean, uh, I wrote 4k words of it on the 31st and didn't even come close to what I wanted to cover, because I suck at being concise. Lmfao. (Shocker.) Basically, I used Ami Fey as a semi-self-insert kind of godlike figure to reason out a semi-plausible way to make the concept I want to explore happen, happen. And I had a lot of fun, but I do still have a bunch to finish, but either way, I'm very pleased to have a (somewhat silly but ultimately fun for me) reasoning as to the gears ticking behind the scenes of my idea! To be somewhat less vague, the whole AU is predicated on the idea that, Phoenix and/or Miles (who remember from the beginning / from December 28th, 2001) meeting the other characters at-or-after the time they originally met in canon are able to recall their memories of the "original" (i.e. canon) timeline. I've used some magatama shenanigans to have some fun with this, and I'm now using Ami Fey and magatama shenanigans to explain how and why this is A Thing, even if it isn't necessarily the objectively most logically sound argument I've ever made. It's still a good one, in my book, and more importantly I like it, so that's all that really matters.

To briefly explain the "two" (by which I mean 5?) of the "above" I'm using here:

Beginning of the World: This fic specifically would show the beginning of the "world" of this AU specifically! Woohoo! Go Ami Fey, creating a whole new set of problems for our beloved little Guys to go through, hahaha. I think I may have based her character a little too much on Maya mischievousness, but, oh well. Let's just say that's where she gets it from.

Younger/De-Aged: As I've already kind of expressed, the premise of this AU is mostly just them being their own younger selves except they also have the memories of all of canon (and maybe a year or two after the fact, I need to confirm a couple dates).

Canon Divergence: I feel like this is decently self-explanatory, but then again maybe it's a bit cheesy to include this here, since it basically diverges from nearly the first major event of canon (DL-6), but that's not the only time things go almost-canonically but diverge a bit in some way, so I think it really does fit here.

Guardian: This one is a bit multi-fold. It somewhat refers to the way I'm making Gregory Edgeworth the de facto guardian (as in, legal guardian) of mostly everyone I possibly can because I love him and he would be great at it. But also, guardian in that, Mr. Savior Complex Phoenix Wright himself has literally all of the information at his disposal to try to "save" the potential Happy Lives of literally every person he loves, and, well. He does a pretty good job about it; not without cost, haha, but I feel like I can definitely call him a "guardian" of others in this AU. And, as for specifically the one-shot Ami fic, she is essentially the guardian of the entire Fey lineage, in this AU at least, so that also totally fits and is most immediately relevant.

Everybody Lives: I think this one is pretty self-explanatory at this point, lol. But for the one-shot: Ami is essentially trying to secure an "everybody lives" scenario, even if it hasn't been achieved yet, so it's more an aspiration at that point, but ultimately it is indeed successful. Now, "living" does not mean, like, "totally healthy" (mentally or physically), so there's lots more to it, but in short, yes, they live.

And......that's basically a wrap on that!

I mean, it isn't actually at all, since I still have to finish 26/31 fics, lmfao, but as far as the idea generation stage goes, and the use of the AU-gust prompts, that's what's up in my world! Somewhere out there maybe there's an AU of my actual real life where i finished more of these on time, but i'm still pretty pumped by all the work that's already been made on making so many AA fics a reality for me. I've come a long way since starting that first AA fic in 2018...!!

I still have all the aforementioned 26 fics to finish obviously, and I also have AU continuations planned for at the very least, day 2's colorless prompt and day 3's dark academia prompt (let alone day 31's, lol, but that's its own monster entirely), but I'm optimistic!

Thankfully I actually finished using nano to word track for me before they, you know, doubled down on AI and called everyone "abelist" (???) for not supporting it, which, uh. Well. But for my own posterity and if anyone's curious, here's what my word counts looked like throughout the month of AU-gust--admittedly including some planning and outlining:

It ended up being 51,377 words total in August on these AU prompts alone!

I feel like I wanted to say something poignant and meaningful at the end here, but it's almost 9:30 and I work at 4am tomorrow, so I'm going to go ahead and wrap this post up here, haha. If you read all of this, thank you very much for joining me on my little journey!

Once again, here is the Ao3 series where I'll post anything more that gets done, so if you'd like to see how any of these AUs turn out, feel free to keep an eye on that!

And here is the previous post with the 1st half+ of the AUs if you missed it and are interested now!

My copy arrived literally as I was writing this up so I've spent the last several prompts of this post listening to the AAIC soundtrack in the music collection, and, oh man, it's seriously so surreal this exists??? I might be an old fogey who has and will for an indeterminate amount of time continue to have trouble letting go of the fan translation names I've lived with for the past decade or whatever, but it's seriously so awesome the entire series is finally available internationally!! Let's hope for my sake AA7 doesn't come out before I finish any of my AATTAU, because that would really throw a bit of a wrench in my decision-making process, lol.

Bye for now!

[ebi-hime]

I felt like writing something a little more ✨introspective✨ than usual, so here we go haha >_<;; So! This year I was able to release two projects in relatively close succession: Fragile Feelings (1st image; a cute yuri VN about a teacher and a nurse) and With Eyes of Ice (2nd image; a dark otome-inspired VN set in Iceland which has a bunch of pretty boys who Suffer). Though I released both of these stories in 2023, I actually wrote them all the way back in mid 2020. I wrote them back to back, actually: Fragile Feelings first, and With Eyes of Ice right after. I liked both scripts a lot, so i decided to turn them both into VNs... But working on VNs can be pretty difficult, even with very small teams like mine, as the people involved can be busy with other things, priorities change, etc, etc... And, in the case of With Eyes of Ice, I might've pulled the character artist off the project for 1.5 years to work on a self-indulgent BL VN about my two best boys, Yuel and Tavi, when Eyes of Ice was almost at the end of production hahaha oops....... I was working on these two VNs on and off for such a long time, I was wondering if I would be able to actually finish them... So, I'm very relieved that I did get them both done after all, and they both shaped up to be projects I'm proud of! I think everybody involved worked really hard; I love how they both look and sound. The character artists, background artists, UI artists, and composers all worked very hard, and I think these two projects are among the prettiest and most polished I've worked on! Now, I tend not to talk about the financial side of VN dev too much (because it's not much fun haha), but for all of the money and time invested into these projects, they weren't wholly 'worthwhile' endeavours. It's too soon to tell with Fragile Feelings, since it literally only just came out, but With Eyes of Ice hasn't really been doing so great sales-wise. It might have something to do with the fact that it's a weird quasi-otome thing which doesn't 100% fit the genre, but it's also prooooobably related to the fact I didn't talk about the story at all until like, 4 months before I'd finished it, despite having been working on it for 3 years already... Just maybe haha 💦💦 It's always a bit unfortunate when something you sink so much money, time, and love into doesn't get much attention, but that's the reality of VN dev. Making commercial VNs is pretty difficult already, because commissioning all the art + music can be quite pricey, and the sales tend to be rather low. Profit margins are slim already (and it's not uncommon for devs to fail to turn a profit at all), so I'm not wholly surprised. It's unfortunate, but I don't regret making With Eyes of Ice. I still love this story and these characters a lot, and I'm glad I stuck with it and finished it, even if it took me a few years! 💪

I'll probably continue to write weird stories which don't necessarily have a lot of appeal in the future, because that's what makes me happy, so I apologise in advance if I put out more stories which aren't too interesting to large swathes of people... But I'm very grateful for everybody who has offered me their support over the years! Some of my proejcts are successful enough (Blackberry Honey, Sweetest Monster, The Language of Love) that I can afford to invest my time and money into more niche things without having to worry toooo much about turning over a profit. I wouldn't be able to tell the stories I want to tell without all of you, even if it can take me a while to finish things up, and I'm very appreciative! I guess that's about it haha 💦💦💦 Thank you! 💙

[hismercytomyjustice]

Definitely DID NOT just finish editing this week's chapter.

That would be crazy. You're crazy.

...but I am very happy with it, and very curious what folks will think...

And also extremely sorry. ╭( ๐_๐)╮

As I believe I said before, I have good news and bad news.

Good news, I fixed the problem I was having with Cazador.

Bad news, I fixed the problem I was having with Cazador.

He came across as too...nice (?) in the first draft. No, maybe permissive is a better word?

...I certainly don't think he does anymore!

Blah blah more OCD shit under the cut.

This chapter literally sent me into a 2 month long spiral that ultimately made me realize how much my OCD fucks with my writing, fanfic and otherwise. Which is why I bring up my OCD so much in relation to this fic.

Only took me ten fucking years to realize it! (ᇂ_ᇂ |||) But hey, we got there eventually!

I felt so fucking stupid/embarrassed venting to my therapist about my struggles with voluntarily writing fanfic. It's the same way I felt venting to her about the agonies I initially experienced when I decided to start taking piano lessons. It's not life or death! I didn't have to do either of those things! And yet I was so fucking upset about both. And wouldn't ya know it, turns out both were like catnip for my OCD!

I won't even begin to pretend I don't still have issues with my OCD and my writing. One of my super fun writing related obsessions lately is the deep seated fear I've gone into a fugue state and accidentally plagiarized other fics I've read. This was particularly bad with my latest Night Vale fic and my Hazbin Part 3 fic.

So, what's a person with OCD to do? Reassurance seeking and checking, of course! As I explained to my BFF the other day:

So obviously I spent hours googling Night Vale fanons and skimming/searching through Night Vale and Hazbin fics and other fics I'd previously read to make sure I hadn't accidentally copied someone else!

FUN FACT! I've read over 100 Hazbin fanfics alone! FUN FACT, IT IS PROBABLY (thanks for the qualifier, OCD) LITERALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO CHECK ALL OF THEM.

AND I AM ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY NOT SUPPOSED TO DO THAT! That is MAJOR NO NO OCD behavior. It is a lapse. It is choosing to engage in a compulsion. Because, as they so succinctly put it at the OCD Conference I attended, a compulsion is a choice. The whole point of treatment for OCD is to quiet your obsessions and to learn how NOT to engage in your compulsions. OCD doesn't go away (unfortunately), but it can go into remission. Digging into a lapse/engaging in a compulsion ultimately pushes you closer to a relapse and further from remission.

But try telling that to yourself in the moment! Because my OCD thinks it is imperative to engage in the compulsion. Because otherwise I have to sit with the doubt/uncertainty/fear and try not to let it fester. It is so much easier in the short term to spend hours on checking and reassurance seeking. And, even worse, it makes you feel a little better in the moment!

But, as my friend so aptly said in the screenshot above, "something tells me you would just replace the thing you silenced with something new….."

Abso-fucking-lutely I would! And I did! I checked the fanons and fanfics I was most worried about, but I didn't check all of them! Even if I had, what if I thought I had and I missed one, the one that I actually may have accidentally copied? Or what if AO3's reading history isn't perfect and I checked everything and it left one off, the one that I actually may have accidentally copied?

To engage in a compulsion is to become the OCD equivalent of Sisyphus. Did you get the boulder to the top of the hill? Congratulations! Oops, looks like it rolled back down again... But this time it'll stay at the top of the hill for sure!

Right??? Right???

I did ultimately realize I was in an OCD spiral and made myself stop checking. Do I still want to? Absolutely I do! I want nothing more than to go through everything I've ever read with a fine tooth comb because otherwise I have to live with the doubt/fear/uncertainty. I have to accept I may have unintentionally been influenced by someone's work I read and loved, which would absolutely fucking devastate me because I would never do that kind of thing on purpose. It's against everything I believe in. It's cruel and it's wrong and oh god what if I did it accidentally and I'm cruel and wrong and a horrible fucking person?! This is it! This is when me and everyone else finally finds out I'm a horrible fucking person who can't write and whose only good ideas actually came from someone else!

My therapist would say something at this point like "But what if you didn't do that? What if you actually did come up with your ideas all on your own?" Or "It's possible. Anything is possible. That doesn't mean it's likely." Or "Even if you did, it's obviously not something you'd do on purpose."

Meanwhile my OCD brain is just like "We have to come up with contingencies for if you accidentally did do it and how you'll respond and fix it." And "It's just a matter of time before someone else finds what you missed when checking. What are you going to do then?" And "If it did happen, you'll have to give up writing forever and destroy your tumblr and forever hide from the justified mob consisting of the entire internet who will rightfully hunt you to the ends of the earth."

So, yeah. Needless to say, I STILL DESPERATELY WANT TO GO BACK TO CHECKING AND REASSURANCE SEEKING. But I'm going to try not to. And thank goodness I have therapy tomorrow because this shit has been living rent free in my head (in the bad way) for literal weeks now.

I keep trying to remind myself I can either continue compulsing or I can just keep fucking writing and hope for the best.

And yeah, my therapist did mention last session that I should probably ask my doctor about upping my antidepressants. Why do you ask?

Fuck it is mortifying to write all this shit out. And, ngl, my OCD is just like "Well, at least you have timestamped proof you didn't plagiarize anyone on purpose! But, y'know, no one will believe you anyway when they ultimately find the evidence you couldn't and confront you and run you out of internet town!"

...so yeah, I scheduled an appointment with my doctor for later this week to talk about upping my antidepressants... Because goodness gracious. It's not just about this. I'm still struggling with burnout (and maybe a resurgence of depression) and OCD in other areas of my life. It just so happens this latest spiral has been taking up a lot of real estate in my head lately.

[justasmallbloginabigklainefandom]

@sohereswhatyoumissedlastweek replied to your post “Bro i'll have my own kitchen soon. I don't have to...”:

I need the full story!! I don't think I saw it on my dash

​I only mentioned it in passing while yapping about Kierkegaard's philosophy of hope.

Basically I've been living in this student flat since 2017 and it's fine. I am fine. I got very lucky from the start, since I have my own bathroom, living room and bedroom. All together it's around 23m2, so yeet. Then I share a kitchen, a shared space, a washing machine and a dryer with 5 others. And I never thought I'd move, partially because I was supposed to stop studying in 2023 and you need to be a student to live here. But then after finishing my master's degree I added another 2-year master's degree WHICH I then extended into a 3-year master's degree cause stress (lol) and initially I planned on living the full extra years here as well, since again, this place is fine. The location is great. And it's affordable for this city.

But then last December I met up with my ""sister"" who lives in another student flat of the same organisation and her place is around 10m2 bigger with her own kitchen and only, like, €20 a month more expensive. And my mind started thinking. The reasons I never looked into moving before were a) the aformentioned graduation b) the expenses and c) this current one has a separate bedroom from a living room which gives me so much peace for some reason and I was under the impression this was the only building that offered that (as in, the others offer studios or single rooms).

But a) the aformentioned second master's degree + you can live here for around 9 more months after graduation, b) de kale huur scares people but with huursubsidie it's doable (aka the new apartment is even around €100 a month cheaper!!!) and c) my sister showed that there were more buildings that do this lay-out, but with a kitchen.

So since January I have been reacting on places. It's a lottery system, so completely random. A computer puts all applicants in a queue at random and the one who's placed first gets the offer bla, bla, bla. I have been looking at the building my sister lives in. That is the one I really wanted, but not the one I got. Then there was one on campus, aka my second choice. This one I got was my third choice and there was also a fourth choice that I actually genuinely didn't like so oop. So I've just been reacting weekly and hoping for the best (aka Kierkegaard would fucking hate me).

The fact that I got this one is so fucking wild to me, because literally yesterday I had to be talked out of withdrawing my application. And not only that, but I did this application last-minute. I applied every Wednesday, when the new applications opened. The thing is, a week ago I applied for an apartment at my first choice building, only to find out on Sunday that it's an apartment for disabled students. The whole thing was that there were currently no students needing those accommodations, so non-disabled students could apply, but there would be a clause in the contract that says that the moment a disabled student needs the room, you'd move out with the organisation seeking a new place for you. I didn't like that, so I withdrew and then was wondering if I should either sit this week out or apply for my 3rd choice building.

The reason I was doubting is because, as I mentioned, the applicant who places first gets the offer, but if they decline, the offer goes to the second place, and then third, and then fourth, and then fifth.... and I was no. 4 on an apartment of my first choice AND that ad hasn't finished processing yet after 3 weeks, which means no. 1 and possibly no. 2 rejected the offer. If no. 3 were to reject as well, the apartment would be mine. And I really REALLY wanted that apartment. So I did apply, but as I mentioned, I was this close to withdrawing EVEN THIS MORNING (you can before 11:00), because I was wondering if I should maybe take the chance on it. After all, there was a 3% chance I'd get the current one. And this was my 3rd choice. Monday and Tuesday I basically spent all day writing down the pros of this 3rd choice to convince myself to keep the application going. It's a great neighbourhood. It saves money. It's not 10m2 bigger, but around 7m2 and that's still a lot. I HAVE A BALCONY.

And people told me I needed to keep the application running just in case, because that 3% would still be more likely than 3 people rejecting an apartment, especially since a rejection means you are barred from applying for 10 weeks. AND THOSE PEOPLE WERE RIGHT, CAUSE I GOT THIS ONE.

So yes, it's wild to me that I spent months dutifully applying for my first or second choice (or not applying, if they weren't available) and then the week I apply for my third choice and I go on a rollercoaster of emotions because of it, I get it. I was a bit in a shock, and even though it's my third choice, I am still very, VERY elated. I have accepted the offer. They need to send me the contract and then it's official.

FUCK YOU KIERKEGAARD.

[dayisfading]

just a few things (oops longer than i planned)

parents are very supportive of my mattress purchase. i stripped my bed to wash my sheets etc including the mattress pad i've been using for about a year now. i went in to talk to my mom and she was like, "that mattress is HORRIBLE. i had no idea." this is so funny bc truly it's like -- how do you know that your mattress sucks? it starts sucking gradually and unless you spend sufficient time on a different kind of mattress (which i have probably only done once or twice in the last two years), you have no frame of reference. i didn't realize the mattress itself was causing pain until i slipped my hand under my back, initially just to provide some support, and realized the springs digging into my back felt like a bunch of rocks wrapped in some thin padding. i am now wondering how much of the back pain i am frequently experiencing could be relieved just by getting a new mattress.

i am reading the circle by dave eggers. this is the first book i have picked up since the outlier (a few months ago, failed to finish; will return to it eventually). i got a kindle on black friday. thing is, i saw the movie adaptation of the circle before i realized it was based on a book. the movie is Not Great. and i am by no means a movie snob. it was confusing b/c by the end i realized the bones of the plot were really interesting but something about the execution threw it off (and the acting. we don't talk about emma watson. she is my beloved, but.) tom hanks couldn't even save it. THAT SAID, the book is great and i'm not at all put off by knowing the main bullet points of the plot, though i can't stop picturing one of the characters as karen gillan bc she was a great choice for the role, i fully hear the dialogue in her voice. i am 40% through it in less than two days!

on friday night, i came home from the holiday party socially exhausted and trying desperately to come down from this wave of overwhelm that i've been riding since, like, october. i wanted to turn my brain off. i planned to play euro truck simulator. but i could not find the actual usb connector for my controller. i looked everywhere. could not find it! i literally cried in frustration. then i remembered i have coloring pixels installed, which is a great color-by-number for pixel paintings. i haven't touched it in probably over a year, at least, but holy shit was it a great decision because i needed an actual break and it worked. turned brain off. actually felt relaxed. i have been looking for a way to unwind/decompress that does not necessarily involve tv or video games (though this technically is one). if you have not heard of it, it is free btw, with 99 cent themed packs for extra pages. also nice relaxing background music-in game. i highly recommend it!

[shawnjacksonsbs]

And worth it it is! 6-7-25

"Some weeks, we feel blessed.

Some weeks, we feel stressed." - Shawn M. Jackson

And as long as we understand, it's just the feelings we have to contend with, all the weeks balance out at the end of each month. Lol

Well, it's Friday night about 6 pm. I just finished up in the office, and although I probably gotta do a little work the first half of the day, I'm having a drink tonight. Lol. . .no lol, but yeah, lol

Last half of Saturday and Sunday, I think I need some heart quinchers.

Replenishing. . . like Gatorade at a sporting event. Lol Gonna be a good weekend.

Had a couple small, but costly blunders this week from my work as well. Hence, the opening quote.

But the blessings, always outweigh stressings.

I can't stress that enough. The balance is so lopsided my way, it's almost unreal. So if I can't take a couple downs every now and then. . . .then I'm doing this whole thing wrong, and it would kinda void out, or negate everything I talk about in here with the most consistency.

*(Now please don't catch live action me in the middle of something trying to steal my peace. That guy might not look like he's handling himself well. (lol, maybe no lol) lol

Look.. . .

I'm gonna force the remainder of this entry off on early morning me, but with good reason.

. . . .a far better life than I deserve- and I can still see 👀, up ahead, where it can get brighter!

Which, with the way my eye sight's getting worse, I need all the light I can get. Lol

That's my que, too many lol's again.

G'night and we'll see ✍️ us tomorrow morning, bright n early.

Man, I hope what I've written makes enough sense. Lol (oops, another damn lol)

~

Umm, this life was . . .obviously a universal necessity.

Ask me, how I know that synchronicities are the connections that make the world worth being a part of.

Ask me, how my mediocre life. . . .is just so much more than that.

Ask those who knew before. . . What they see, hear, and believe about me now.

~several pieces of. . .in between last night and this morning.

It's been a minute. I've decided to go look up, and start Roseanne seasons 9 and 10. 9 to refresh and 10 to see what I missed.

I loved this show as a kid. And I'm telling you the Connors, couldn't be more. . .couldn't be better. It hits every nerve the right way.

Now I digress, literally for the sake of my morality. The new isn't a contradiction.

#shestilllosthermindinreallife

but. . . .

But, this is different.

Good night, again.

Maybe. Lol

~

Well . . .the next mornin'.

Looks like a bad weather day for sure. I haven't heard from the crews, but I'm not expecting anything today . . .

As soon as I get done writing this, I'll probably reach out to them and then to our customers.

I'll still have to go meet up with one of my guys, but it can wait 'til I venture out for the weekend to-do's.

They're good to-do's tho, so there's that.

Coffee's still a.brewing in the kitchen smells good.

BRB

Mmm, coffee.

Well I really don't know what else to say this morning, especially anything that you few who are reading, wouldn't already expect.

This is not the morning, or the week of my downfall.

Granted, should our country or our world collapse or descend into an unfortunate state of chaos (more so than currently) then I would probably have more struggle to write about, and the whole walk the talk thing might be tougher, but. . .my privilege doesn't allow for slipped gratitude today, and I doubt it will tomorrow.

I can't fathom ever trading in my peace of mind, for any of that old. . .mentality or immature, unnecessary emotional turmoil that so many people find themselves re-living every miserable day of their lives.

We hold our own reigns for the most part. It may not be a precision line we follow, but man, vaguely straight in the right direction still gets us to our final destination.

I'm super fortunate, in that, most of the time, the balancing of my blessings and stressings don't take weeks to reconcile. Hell, it usually doesn't even take days.

And,

Looking through my rear view isn't as disheartening as it used to be.

Your hope can show you the way to your gratitude. My hope is that you find it sooner rather than later.

Ok, I'm out.

Have a great week guys, and remember to be kind as always as you can, and share your love and your laughter with the world around you!

Until next week;

“Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets.

So, love the people who treat you right, forgive the ones who don’t and believe that everything happens for a reason.

If you get a chance take it.

If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said it would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.” -Dr. Seuss

[metalicats]

someone reminded me i did 'books i liked in 2023', so here's me doing it again for 2024! (a month in oops) but this time i added commentary i guess

more Wayward Children series: hell yea

Innkeeper Chronicles: fun, i love sentient buildings

A Sorceress Comes to Call (spooky?): TKingfisher never misses, i'm gonna have to buy it when im back somewhere with english bookstores

Priory of the Orange Tree: good but long. the reveal of history and unreliability was interesting, just in seeing how cultures and belief shift over centuries

The Three Body Problem was uncreative and all 'tell don't show', so don't bother unless you want Chinese Cultural Revolution perspectives, which was fairly interesting historically, until the plot came back

Lake of Souls collection: a good fun read of short stories! I don't think you need to know Ann Leckie's main works to enjoy it, and it did finally get me to finish Raven Tower so yay.

The Last Sun: an excellent urban magic world, loved the series (and the first real poly relationship i've liked outside of fanfic??) but TWs for violence and some body horror

Spatterjay series was ...interesting, definitely some interesting world building, but I'm not sure if others would enjoy it because wow theres constant body horror and cannibalism. the following series failed to hold up sadly

The Watchmaker of Filigree Street was boring and the writing was cheesy and not well plotted; don't bother unless literally all you want about is gay pining and a woman being randomly the villain, then have fun i guess

hmm that's more books than I thought I would have! Working full time has really sapped my energy, so it felt a lot smaller than that....

anyway, most of these were great! i still definitely love finding new SFF that can do new creative things.

suggest something if you think its similar to these! ill put it on the TBR and get back to you in 12 years or so ^^;

[bleakcreek]

sleep tight

(nothing prompted this except for my own brain. this is 1.5k words of mostly-platonic bed-sharing. it is tooth-rottingly fluffy. this has not been beta’d and it’s almost 1 am so i can’t promise there are no errors.)

--

“Do you remember when we used to do this as kids?”

Rhett’s patting his freshly washed face dry with a hand-towel when Link says it, and he glances sidelong at the hotel mirror to get a good look at him where he’s fluffing up the pillows on his side of the bed. When his eyes meet Rhett’s, his glasses are already off. 

Rhett raises an eyebrow at him. “What, you mean when you came on vacation with my family?”

He tosses the damp towel back onto the bathroom counter before turning off the bathroom light, leaving the lamp on the bedside table as the only light in the room. With the room’s only light source streaming directly onto Link, his hair looks even more silver than usual. 

“Not that,” Link continues. He’s in joggers and t-shirt as he climbs into the room’s single bed.

It occurs to Rhett that when the concierge informed them that they’d been booked in a single, neither of them had even thought to ask about getting a second room.

“I mean when we used to have sleepovers.” 

He turns over on his pillow to face Rhett as he slides in beside him, and it occurs to him how much younger Link looks without his glasses, how vulnerable. “D’you remember — I think it was maybe the fourth time you’d come over? Or maybe it was the fifth. It was definitely at least the third though—”

“Light,” Rhett interrupts, as he rolls onto his side. He glances up at the lamp. 

Link seems to take the hint, because he moves immediately to turn it off, even as he keeps talking. “—Anyway, I think it was maybe a little after Halloween, ‘cause we had that big bag of candy that I hid under my bed, so my mama came in to make sure we’d brushed out teeth an’ weren’t eatin’ candy in bed.”

“And then Mama Sue told me she didn’t like me sleeping on the floor, so she put my pillow at the end of your bed—”

“—And then you thought it was funny to kick me all night!” Link’s voice ticks up at the end like he’s still irritated about it, but even in the dark, Rhett can see the corners of his mouth twitching like he’s trying to fight a smile.

Rhett gives him a gentle little kick, barely more than a bump of his foot against Link’s, and says, “Yeah, I remember that.”

He expects Link to retaliate, to kick him back, to continue the story, to… something.

Instead, Link is quiet. He shifts closer to Rhett, so that only a few inches are separating them, and rolls around to face the ceiling. 

He’s so uncharacteristically silent for so long Rhett would think he was asleep, if he didn’t see the occasional fluttering of his open eyes against the darkness.

At last, barely audible, he says, “Why’d we stop?”

“The sleepovers? ‘Cause we were roommates, man.”

“Not that. I mean the,” he gestures vaguely at the air above his head, “the sleeping in the same bed thing. It felt like one minute it was okay and then the next it was like — it was only okay if we had to, and only if we pretended to hate it.”

Rhett remembers being eleven years old, remembers Cole tugging him aside in the hallway after Link’s mama came to take him home, remembers him telling him you oughta stop letting letting another boy sleep in his bed before people start sayin’ you two ain’t right. 

He didn’t know what his brother meant by that back then, but it was still enough to scare him back into bringing a sleeping bag over to Link’s house.

“Just outgrew it, I guess,” Rhett says instead.

“Mm,” is Link’s noncommittal reply. “Guess so.”

After thirty-five years of friendship with him, Rhett likes to think he’s gotten pretty good at reading Link. More importantly, he knows that on the rare occasion he’s gotten something wrong, they’ve always bounced back from it.

So when Rhett scoots in, closing the last few inches between them, and lifts an arm to give Link a chance to cuddle in closer, he figures — at the absolute worst — Link might get indignant and tell him to get back on his side of the bed, might maybe assume Rhett is just messing with him. Might even kill the conversation for the rest of the night, but nothing worse than that.

It turns out, thought, Rhett’s Link-related instincts are perfect this time, because he immediately feels the warm, solid press of another body next to his. One of Link’s hands lands lightly on Rhett’s chest, right over his heart.

Link makes an indignant noise at the back of his throat. “Man, why ain’t ‘chu wearin’ a shirt?” He doesn’t move to pull away, though, and even hooks one ankle over Rhett’s. 

“‘Cause I get overheated, man.” Rhett curls his arm to brush the pads of his fingers through the soft hair at the nape of his neck. “It’s hot in here.”

“You are basically a furnace,” Link grumbles. It sounds like he’s complaining, but from the way he turns his face into Rhett’s chest and presses his cold nose into Rhett’s collarbone, he has a feeling Link doesn’t mind it too much. 

“You like it,” Rhett counters mildly. “Otherwise you wouldn’t’ve kept tryin’ to spoon me while you were sleepin’.” He can feel the last of the tension eke out of Link’s shoulders as he keeps combing his fingers through Link’s hair. 

“...Wasn’t always asleep,” Link says. “That time I latched onto you and you said you couldn’t get me to let go so I just stayed stuck to you all night? I was awake for that one.”

“You coulda just told me you wanted to snuggle,” Rhett teases, he knows it’s a mistake the second the words leave his lips.

Right on cue, Link’s whole body locks up. “Yeah, I’m sure that woulda gone great back in our Campus Crusade days,” he snaps. “Or maybe you mean back when we were teenagers, when the only time we could touch without your dad or Cole shooting us dirty look was when we wrestled?”

“Hey, I’m sorry—”

“Screw you, you’re sorry.”

Rhett feels Link start to roll away and immediately locks his arms around him, pinning him in place against his side. Link’s legs go to move next, and Rhett immediately wraps one of his long legs around Link’s, his ankle tucked around the other man’s shin to keep him from pulling away. 

“Let go a’ me!” He keeps wriggling, but can’t get enough leverage to get away. Eventually, he settles for pressing his face into the side of Rhett’s neck and huffing. “I don’t wanna cuddle anymore, I’m upset with you.”

It’s a ridiculous sentence, like something Link might say to Jade for peeing on the carpet, and it’s a testament to Rhett’s self-control that he keeps himself from laughing at it. 

“You can cuddle and be mad at me,” Rhett says, voice somewhere between genuine and patronizing, as he reaches the hand not holding onto Link back toward the nightstand.

“Ugh,” Link groans. Still, he seems to have resigned himself to his fate, and starts to relax back into him. “Wait — what are you grabbing?”

“My phone,” Rhett says. He holds it in front of Link, like it will somehow ease any suspicions Link might have about what he’s up to rather than exacerbating them.

“And why—” Link grabs for it, but Rhett just holds it higher, fully out of Link’s reach, as he unlocks it one-handed. “—Do you need your phone?”

Rhett doesn’t answer, just clicks the shutter button once and lets the flash burst into the room, illuminating the blue of Link’s eyes for one brief moment before it disappears again.

In the picture, Link’s face is set into a deep frown, half-buried in the blankets and tucked neatly against Rhett’s chest. He’s never seen any one person look so adorable and pissed off at the same time. 

“What’re you doin’ with that picture?” Link reaches for the phone again, and Rhett holds it out above his head. “If you post that to instagram—” 

“I’m not putting it anywhere public, don’t worry.” Rhett has the New Message box open, gets about two seconds into typing C-H-R when Link starts struggling for the phone again.

“Oh, no, don’t you dare send that to my wife, she’ll never let me life it down—”

“—I was also gonna send it to Jessie—”

“—Oh, so she can post it to twitter to gain clout with our fans? That’s even worse than sending it to my wife!”

“Sent,” Rhett announces, his thumb making contact with the Send Message button just as Link finally manages to grab the phone out of Rhett’s hands. 

Jessie McLaughlin is typing… pops up onto the screen almost as soon as the message enters the cloud.

“Man, therapy has made you into an insufferable ass,” Link grumbles, shoving the phone back into Rhett’s hands before he can see Jessie’s no-doubt delighted response to his predicament. 

“I was already an insufferable ass,” Rhett says evenly. “Therapy just made me into an insufferable ass that’s okay with cuddling with my best friend. Now go to sleep, Link.”