#this is the closest and only angst im gonna make

[justagalwhowrites]

Halcyon - Ch. 19: Did You Mean That?

Joel confronts your shared past and potential future. A continuation of Halcyon from the prologue through Ch. 18, a modern no outbreak AU TLOU fic found on Tumblr here.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

Warnings: Angst. Modern No Outbreak AU, No use of Y/N, Slow burn, 18+ only, Minors DNI

Length: 6.6k

AO3 | Main Master List | Prologue | Previous Chapter

Joel was frozen for longer than he was proud of, staring at the place you’d left him. 

I fucking heard you. 

What the fuck did that even mean? Heard what? 

He looked back toward Sarah’s room. He shouldn’t just leave her here by herself but he considered it all the same. He’d just… he’d go after you, make you talk to him like he should have done all those years ago. He wasn’t going to just let you disappear again, not this time. 

Instead, he called you, still standing on his front stoop, still considering chasing after you. It rang twice but then you sent him to voicemail. 

“Fuck!” 

His grip got tight on the phone but he resisted the urge to hurl the phone at the brick of his house. 

“Dad?” Sarah peered at him from around the doorway, her eyes somehow seeming especially wide. 

He sighed. 

“Yes, baby girl.” 

“You and Aunt Goldie were really in a fight, huh.” 

He sighed again, looking at his daughter even though it only made him feel worse. She loved you so much, you were the closest thing she’d ever had to a mother and Joel had fucked that up, too. 

“It’s… it’s complicated, baby girl,” he said. “C’mon, let’s go inside, it’s getting late, you should get ready for bed…” 

“But,” she huffed. “Dad, it’s Goldie. You can’t just let her leave, she’s family!” 

“I know,” he said, a hand on her back as he guided her back inside. “Not gonna just let her go, don’t worry. I just… need to figure out what to do first, OK?” 

“Promise you’re not going to just not talk again for years?” She asked, looking up at him. “Because - sorry, Dad - that was bullshit.” 

“Hey,” he said. “Language.” 

“Dad.” 

“Yeah,” he said. “Yeah, you’re right. It was bullshit.” 

He texted you while Sarah got ready for bed but you left him on read and he ground his teeth. He read his daughter a chapter from a book and resisted her begging to have him read another one before tucking her in, thankful that she still wanted him to do this at all. 

“Hey Dad?” She said as he went to leave. 

“Yes, baby girl?” 

“You’re going to talk to her, right?” 

He sighed. She sounded so hopeful. 

“I’ll fix it,” he said. “Promise. Love you.” 

“Love you too,” she said, sounding more relaxed. 

He closed the door behind him and went to the living room, pacing for a moment. 

I fucking heard you. 

He tried to remember the conversation with Ricky all those years ago, not something he’d really thought about in so long. 

Other things from that small window of time had dominated Joel’s memory. He remembered trying to find the words to talk to you, trying to come up with a plan for every possible outcome. If you wanted him, too, then he would figure out a way to be there for Tommy and his mom from afar and go with you. If, heaven forbid, you were pregnant, he would do everything to make sure you could still go to school and still be everything you were meant to be while he took care of the rest. If you wanted nothing to do with him… that had been the one scenario he hadn’t come up with a solution for. Of course, that had been the one he’d been left to reckon with. 

He remembered how he felt then, how desperate he’d been. But he couldn’t remember exactly what he’d said to fucking Ricky, something that had apparently stuck out in your mind so much that you’d moved across the country without a fucking word. He went over it again and again but couldn’t remember it, even though it felt like his fucking life depended on it. 

Eventually he tried to call you again but it only rang once before you sent him to voicemail. 

He listened to your outgoing message, bright and cheery, flexing his hand again and again as he waited, impatiently, for the beep. 

“Goldie,” he said when it finally let him record a message. “Not letting you walk out, I’m gonna keep calling. Just… pick up, baby. Please.” 

He hung up and immediately called again. Two rings, then voicemail. He called again. 

The fourth time, you finally answered, your voice sharp and harsh. 

“What!” You snapped. “What more do you want from me?” 

“I want to talk to you,” he said, straining to keep calm. “I don’t know what you mean, I don’t remember what the fuck you’re talking about, I…” 

You laughed once, derisively. 

“Of course you don’t,” you said. “You wouldn’t, would you? Because I was always just another girl to you, wasn’t I? Why would you remember…” 

“No,” he cut you off. “No, that’s not…” 

“I need some space, Joel,” you said. 

“I’m not losing you again, Goldie,” he said, harsher than he really meant to. “Please, let me just…” 

“If you don’t want to lose me then do what I’m asking you to do,” you said. “I need space, OK? I can’t just do this with you, I can’t… just don’t call me or text me or whatever, just give me some time.” 

“Goldie…” 

“I mean it, Joel,” you said. “I need space.” 

He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. 

“Fine,” he said. “I…I can do that.” 

“Thank you,” you said. “I’ll talk to later.” 

“Will you?” He asked, probably rougher than he should have. 

“Eventually,” you said. “Yeah.” 

“Yeah,” he said, his voice thick. “Yeah, OK.” 

You hung up and he sighed, sinking onto the couch and cradling his head in his hands for a moment. 

He was on the edge of losing you again, he could feel it. He couldn’t let it happen, not this time. He started thinking again, just like he had all those years ago, trying to think up contingency plans and ways to work through this without you leaving but, really, that’s what it always came back to. He’d do anything - he’d never touch you again, he’d tolerate your shitbag husband, he’d watch you live a life he was agonizingly separate from - if it just meant that you stayed. 

Joel got himself a drink, which quickly became two and then three, staring at the ceiling, wondering just how long he was supposed to stay away from you this time before he passed out on the couch. 

When he woke up the next day, time seemed to crawl. He couldn’t just ignore you.  You were in everything, it seemed. Sarah showed him the books you’d gotten her, excited about reading them. He reviewed his business plan again and again, looking at your notes in the margins. He put on a Longhorns t-shirt and remembered you sitting at his kitchen table, building out your syllabus for the year. 

Even Tommy noticed a difference when he was at work on Tuesday, seemingly short tempered and impatient. 

“You gonna tell me who pissed in your Cheerios or you gonna leave that a mystery?” Tommy asked as they leaned against his truck during a coffee break. 

“What do you mean?” Joel frowned, staring down at the paper cup and thinking about how you took your coffee and wondering what was he supposed to do with that knowledge if you were just gone now.

“I mean you’ve been biting people’s heads off all week,” Tommy said. “I mean, you’re always an asshole but you’ve been in rare form man.” 

“Tommy…” 

“Don’t feed me some bullshit, either,” he interrupted him. “Know you too well for that.” 

Joel looked at Tommy for a moment before he sighed and it all came spilling out of him - prom night, what had been happening between the two of you the last few months, the moment in his kitchen, what you’d yelled at him over the weekend, all of it. 

“Jesus,” Tommy said when he was done, just blinking at him, dumbfounded. “I… fuck, man. I always thought there was something between you two but… holy shit.” 

“I don’t know what the fuck it is she’s talking about,” Joel said. “I talked with Ricky back then but fuck if I can remember what it was about, that was more than a decade ago, what the fuck am I supposed to do?” 

“I mean… do you know how she feels?” Tommy asked, taking a sip of coffee.

“Yeah,” Joel scoffed. “Yeah, I think she’s made that perfectly fuckin’ clear.” 

“Has she?” Tommy said. “Because - and maybe you just didn’t mention it - but I don’t think you actually talked about it. Ever. Not once.” 

Joel frowned, looking at the ground, going over everything in his mind. 

That couldn’t be right, could it? 

It sure seemed like you’d talked about it. Maybe not explicitly, but everything you’d said pointed to you seeing him as a friend. You said you wanted to be with someone you could love and that wasn’t him. The first time he’d slept with you again, you asked him not to call you baby and he’d all but begged you to let him. He’d had to fucking comfort you the morning after the concert, tell you that it didn’t mean anything so you didn’t panic because being with him freaked you out that much. You’d never said it, not in so many words, but you didn’t need to. 

“Maybe you should ask her,” Tommy said when Joel had been quiet for too long. 

“Tommy,” Joel groaned, rolling his eyes. “I can’t just…” 

“Can’t you?” Tommy said. “I mean… shit, man. You already blew it all up, what else you got to lose?” 

Tommy’s words were still in Joel’s mind when he left the job site that afternoon, going home to get cleaned up before going to the bank for his business loan appointment. 

What did he really have to lose? He could at least tell you how he felt, a thought that made his chest tight but brought a sense of relief, too. He’d been holding this in for so long now. It seemed like loving you had become a part of him, one that he was used to keeping to himself but one he didn’t want to hide anymore.

He’d told himself for years that he’d loved you quietly because it’s what you wanted. You weren’t interested, it was unfair to put his feelings on you. Even when you were a country away and not speaking with him, he found it strangely comforting to know that while it might be because he’d caved to his baser instincts and slept with you, it wasn’t because he’d pushed his feelings on you. He had regrets - he’d have given anything to take back that night if it meant you’d just talk to him again - but at least he knew how he felt about you hadn’t been the thing that had driven you away. 

Could it really be possible that not telling you had been the thing that sent you running from him? Had he really wasted years of his life not having you all because he’d been too afraid of actually fucking saying it? 

He put on his best clothes - wishing he had a suit for the first time in his life - and took a deep breath, looking at himself in the mirror. It felt like his whole life was riding on this, everything he could have sitting there, just out of reach. 

He’d never been worthy of you before. Back when he met you, he was barely passing his classes, going nowhere fast. Doomed to spend his life in his hometown, doing some job to get by while trying to keep his kid brother’s nose clean. He hadn’t gotten much better since, staying in the first job he could get, doing his best to raise the child he’d made by accident, trying to make something of himself as he could. It was nothing compared to you. But if he could manage this, actually do something real and tangible, maybe he’d feel worthwhile. 

Joel drummed his hands on the steering wheel as he drove, one of the Taylor Swift songs from the concert he’d gone to with you and Sarah coming on the radio and he remembered looking at you that night, remembered how much he wanted to kiss you in a way that actually meant something. He had to do this. He had to. 

His stomach was in knots as he sat in the bank waiting room, one foot bouncing as he tried not to crinkle his presentation and application in his hands. He wished you were here. Why was he doing this on his own? What made him think he was even fucking capable of this without you? 

After what felt like a small eternity, a woman named Audrey brought him back to her office and Joel took a deep breath before walking her through his business plan. 

His heart was pounding the entire time and there was something perverse about talking through a future that you weren’t somehow a part of. He walked Audrey through the financial plans, what the next five years would look like and there was the nagging thought at the back of his mind that he should have talked with you about all of this. How money would be tight for a while, how he’d be extra busy, how much he appreciated the way you’d supported him through all of this so far. He never could have done this without you pushing him, encouraging him, helping him navigate the business world. It felt like your success, too, when Audrey set his presentation down on her desk, nodding. 

“Well, Joel,” she said, looking at him with a smile. “I think we have everything we need. Congratulations, you’re getting your loan!” 

Joel just laughed for a second, looking next to him quickly before remembering that you weren’t by his side. 

“Thank you,” he said. “This is… thank you very much.” 

“Looking forward to doing business with you,” she smiled. “Give me just a minute and I’ll be back with some papers so we can get things going.” 

Joel took his phone out and stared at his text message conversation with you, the last thing he sent still “I’m sorry.” He wanted to tell you that he’d done it. He was a business owner, he was going to be something, he was becoming someone that Sarah was going to be proud of and it was all because you’d come back into his life. You were who he wanted to share this with and he couldn’t. 

Audrey gave him the paperwork and he went through it page by page, more than a little reminded of when he got his mortgage and felt like he was signing his life away but with more optimism about his future this time. 

About halfway through the paperwork, though, the pen started skipping. He tried wetting the tip of it, scratching on a corner of the paper but he couldn’t get it to write smoothly again. 

“Do you got another one of these?” Joel asked, holding the pen up. “Can’t get it to work…” 

“Oh yeah, sorry about that,” Audrey said, looking around her desk, including at an empty pen cup. “Let me just…” 

She opened a desk drawer and took a few things out, piling things on her desk - a purse, water bottle, a book. 

Joel cocked his head at the book, the spine of it familiar. So familiar that he couldn’t help but laugh. Of course you’d be here, too. 

“What?” She asked as she found a plain, white box and pulled out a handful of pens with the bank’s logo on the side. She dropped them into the pen cup and held one out to Joel. 

“Oh, nothin’,” he said, taking the pen and nodding at the novel. “Just… my friend, she wrote that book. Funny seeing someone read it.” 

“Wait, really?” She asked, her face lighting up as she held up your book. “You know who wrote this?” 

“Yeah,” Joel nodded. “Yeah, she’s my best friend, known her since we were 15. She’s… she’s amazing. She teaches now, over at UT.” 

Audrey set the book down, leaning over the desk with her arms folded in front of her like she was going to tell Joel some kind of secret. 

“OK can I ask something?” She asked. “Sorry, this is probably hugely unprofessional but I am obsessed with this book, I can’t put it down and my book club is going crazy. Is any of it true? The falling in love and things ending like that? It seems like it has to be at least somewhat based on her life, I don’t see how someone could write this without knowing it, you know?” 

“Oh, uh,” Joel cupped the back of his neck awkwardly. “I actually… haven’t read it?” 

“Oh,” she said, sitting back a little, looking let down. 

“Sorry,” Joel said. “I’ve tried and I know it’ll be amazing but it’s just too weird for me…” 

“No, I’m sorry,” she laughed a little. “I overstepped, I shouldn’t have assumed…” 

“I should read it,” Joel said quickly. “I got it at home, maybe I’ll give it another go now.” 

“You should,” Audrey said. “It’s really, really good.” 

The new pen worked and Joel finished the paperwork, staring at his signature on the last page a  little too long. He handed the pen and papers back to Audrey. 

“You can keep the pen,” she smiled, taking the pages. “Let me make copies of these for your records but otherwise, congratulations, owner of Miller Brothers Construction and Contracting!” 

Joel had a bubble of pride in his chest as he drove home, one that seemed too big to keep contained and, against his better judgement, he called you. 

He wasn’t entirely sure what he expected, if he thought you were going to send him to voicemail, if you were going to answer and let him actually say something to you or what. 

What he didn’t expect was Gale. 

“Hello?” 

Joel just blinked for a second, recognizing the man’s pompous voice even from just the one word. 

“Is this Joel?” Gale - fucking BRAD - said. He took his silence as a yes and laughed. “Was wondering if I’d hear from you. Don’t worry, she’s with me, back where she belongs. Thanks for looking after her while I was gone, though. Appreciate it.” 

“Lemme talk to her,” Joel said through clenched teeth. 

“I don’t see why that’s necessary,” he said. “Seems like she doesn’t want much to do with you these days. Think you blew it. Thanks for that, too, by the way.” 

“We’re just…” 

“You’re just nothing,” Gale cut him off. “You were nothing but a childish distraction for her. She went running back here when things got hard - which I take my part of the blame for - and she needed a project to keep herself busy but she doesn’t need you anymore. So go back to the little life you’re meant for and leave us be. She was always too much for you and this place, anyway.” 

“No,” Joel said sharply. “No, you put her on the phone, put her on the phone right now!” 

“Can’t do that,” Gale said. “But I’ll tell her you called. Take care.” 

The line went dead and Joel threw his phone against the dash so hard the screen cracked. 

“Fuck!” He yelled, smacking his hands against the steering wheel. He wasn’t going to lose you, not again, not like this. 

He ignored Gale. Instead, he drove to your house, pounding sharply on the door, panting for breath as he did but you never answered. 

So he went to Anna’s next. He only needed to knock for a minute before she opened the door, Ellie’s beaming, chubby face happy in her arms. 

“Hey Joel,” Anna smiled at him. “Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes! Here to see this one?” 

Ellie squirmed in Anna’s arms, cooing and reaching for Joel and he laughed once, he couldn’t help it, before holding his arms out for her. Anna handed him her daughter and Ellie giggled, immediately reaching to tangle her tiny fingers in his curls. He smiled at her for a moment, marveling at the little girl who’d brought you and him together in the way it felt like you were always meant to be.

“Is she here?” Joel asked, bouncing a little with Ellie, watching her smile, her little body a grounding force that eased his racing heart. 

“Oh,” Anna frowned, her eyebrows knitting together. “No, sorry, she’s not here too often anymore, just a few times a week… She moved back home, I thought you knew that?” 

“No, I did,” Joel said quickly, looking to Anna and offering a finger to Ellie for her to gum at. “She just… wasn’t there, tried callin’ her but…” 

“Oh,” Anna pulled her phone out, looking at the time. “She might still be at the school, I can call her for you…” 

“No,” Joel said quickly, not wanting to get your sister involved in the mess of whatever the fuck was going on between the two of you. “Don’t… Don’t worry about it, sure I’ll talk to her eventually.” 

“OK,” Anna said, still frowning. “Look… It’s not my business but… Is there something going on with you two?” 

Joel just looked at Anna for a moment, wondering if he should tell her, too, because fuck it, why not just let the whole world know how much he’d fucked up with you.  

But she beat him to it, going from a frown to an absolutely glowing smile in no time at all. 

“Oh my God.” 

“What?” He asked, adjusting his hold on Ellie. 

“You love her!” She sounded practically giddy. “Oh my GOD I knew it! You LOVE her! Have you told her? Does she know? Oh my GOD, JOEL!” 

“I… I haven’t exactly said it,” Joel said, his cheeks getting hot. “I don’t want to make it her problem, I don’t want to get in the way of her being happy, I just… I want to be there for it.”

Anna just looked at him for a moment before shaking her head a little. 

“Is… Is she happy with him?” Joel asked, watching your sister closely. “Is he what she wants? I didn’t know her when they were really together, I just… it seems like he holds her back and that he’s bad for her and…” 

“Joel, did you read her book?” Anna cut him off. 

He frowned. 

“What? What does that…” 

“You wanted to know if he’s what she wants,” Anna said. “She’s never going to actually say it, you know that. At least not to you or to me, she’s always going to try to seem like she’s OK and handle it herself until she can’t and even then she’s not going to actually fucking say it, Joel, but she will write it. She always writes it. Read the book, Joel.” 

He gave Ellie back to Anna and went home, trying to focus as he made Sarah dinner and helped her with her homework. 

Read the book. Just read the fucking book. Was that all it would take? Could he even do that? If fucking Brad really was what you wanted, could he really sit and read hundreds of pages about how much better your life had been when he wasn’t in it? 

He’d never been able to manage it and it wasn’t because he didn’t want to know you through your words and it wasn’t because he didn’t like your writing. It was because he didn’t know if he could stomach reading something you wrote while you were in love with someone else. 

But… Anna was right. He knew that. If he wanted to know the truth of any of it, he’d have to read it. So, after he tucked Sarah into bed, he sat on the floor, staring at the box in his closet that held the two copies of your book like it was daring him to actually confront his feelings for a change. Because that had always worked out so well for him in the past, not like every fucking time he’d resolved to actually talk to you he hadn’t found you loving someone else. 

“Fuck it,” he muttered, opening the box and pulling out the books. This time, though, he picked the signed copy, the one he’d never tried to read before. There was something different about holding this copy, knowing that you had once, too. He ran his hands over the cover and the spine reverently for a moment before he leaned his back against the wall of the closet and opened the book. 

Joel had to force himself to read past the first few paragraphs, his stomach in knots the entire time, but, after a while, he fell into it - to the point that he almost forgot that he was reading your book. 

He’d known, from what little he’d managed to read in the past, that the book started in Austin, he just hadn’t expected the story to linger there.

But it did, the narrative following a girl named Cressida. She started out as a quiet, introspective high schooler who had become unlikely friends with a football player named Eli, a friendship that felt so like his with yours. They knew each other, understood each other, their worlds seem to revolve around each other. It seemed natural that it led to them sleeping together. But instead of the immediate implosion that had ended your relationship in real life, theirs devolved over time. Cressida came back to him again and again, the two of them winding up loosely connected every time a relationship of Eli’s fizzled out, her clinging to a heart wrenching longing that hurt to read, one that her friend seemed shockingly oblivious to.

Eventually, though, things came crashing down. This was different too, though, because it ended not with her vanishing but him, a car accident claiming Eli’s life when Cressida had finally resolved to tell him how she felt. They buried him in a sunny corner of the graveyard just before graduation and Cressida, it seemed, never really moved past it.

The other three-quarters of the book followed her as she tried – desperately, devastatingly – to live again, to get over the love she’d never really had to begin with, to find some place to root herself outside of that sun-drenched grave in her hometown.

She never really managed it, the ending almost painfully unsatisfying but feeling true. She’d become something – Cressida delving into the business world instead of the creative one as you had – and she found success away from home but her mind kept going back to that place and that person. She’d had relationships but, when her last boyfriend had proposed, she couldn’t bring herself to say yes. It had felt like a lie, to tell someone she would love him above all others when she’d never love him more than the memory of the boy who had been gone for years. He’d died at the worst time, the part of her life that would always be on a pedestal no matter what she did. Nothing and no one would ever compare and she was stuck, still going back to him again and again even though he was cold in the ground.

The last chapter closed with her bringing home a man who reminded her of her friend, something charming about him that took her back to that brighter place for a while. But when he fell asleep next to her, she had to confront that hollow feeling in her chest. In the last moment of the story, she bought a plane ticket to go back to that sunny grave site, something about the calm that fell over her when she decided to go back making it seem like that grave was her resting place, too.

Joel just stared at the book when he read the final words, the last pages flopping over, revealing your picture on the inside flap of the dust jacket. That knowing smile and piercing gaze gutted him then, no longer the taunt and temptation of knowledge they had once been.

Was Anna right, was this the truth of it? Did you write out your real feelings? Had he really gotten everything this fucking wrong? Had he really spent years wishing things with you were different when they’d been different all along?

He got out his phone and ignored the fact that it was 4:30 in the morning and called you. You didn’t answer. It didn’t even go to voicemail, the phone ringing once before he got some message saying the number was unavailable.

“Fuck,” he sighed, closing his eyes and leaning his head back against the wall. He wasn’t positive but, based on his experience trying to track down Sarah’s mom years ago, that meant you’d blocked his number. It’d be just his fucking luck that he thought - hoped? - that, maybe, you felt the way he did at the same time he lost you for good.

He sat there with his eyes closed in the glow of his closet light, next to the box made up of the history of you, trying to pick through his memory from all those years ago, searching for some sort of guarantee that the book was based on what happened between the two of you back then.  

At some point, when he was swallowed by his memory of you, he fell asleep. Maybe it was the book, maybe it was the fact that he’d been sifting through ancient history when exhaustion finally caught up with him, maybe it was your words still ringing in his ears, but he remembered then. 

In his dream, he was back under the bleachers with Ricky, pacing to work out his nerves. He talked to his friend - the one who was more experienced, the one who wasn’t reckless, the one who would understand exactly why he was so afraid of what he might have just done to you. 

But, most importantly, he remembered exactly how that conversation had ended. 

It’s Goldie. I wish it were anyone else. It’d be better if it were anyone else.

“Dad!” 

Joel jerked awake, the book still open in his hands, your signature there for him to see. 

I fucking heard you. 

Sarah pounded on his bedroom door again. 

“Dad, come on!” She yelled. “I’m gonna be late!” 

“Shit,” he rubbed the sleep from his eyes and checked the time before calling to his daughter. “Two minutes, baby girl!” 

He got up as quickly as he could, his legs tingling from his awkward sleeping position on the floor of the fucking closet. 

Joel got changed quickly, barely paying attention to what he was putting on.

He’d had the answers sitting there for years, he’d just been too afraid to look it in the face but he had and now he knew. He knew how you felt - how you must have felt, why else would his misunderstood words have driven you away? - he knew how much time he’d already fucking wasted by being a coward, he knew it all now. 

He just didn’t know what the fuck to do about it. 

Joel got Sarah out the door quickly, barely paying attention on his drive to the school. He couldn’t just give up. He already refused to lose you, not again, but now it would be impossible. You were so close, everything he’d ever wanted there in front of him but just out of reach. Even if you’d moved on now, even if you were happier with fucking Brad, he had to tell you. He owed both of you that much. 

“Bye Dad!” Sarah poked her head between the two front seats and gave him a peck on the cheek. 

“What was that for?” He frowned, turning to look at her. 

She just shrugged and smiled. 

“Just seemed like you needed it,” she said. “Love you!” 

“Love you too!” He called after her as she hopped down from the truck and slammed the door behind her with a little too much force, waving behind her as she ran to the building. 

“Alright,” he took a deep breath, looking at the clock on his dashboard. Just after 8 a.m. He’d start at your place because he wasn’t sure what time you went to campus this semester. But he was going to talk to you. He was going to talk to you and he was going to tell you how he felt and he was going to do it today. “I’m comin’, Goldie.” 

You weren’t at your place when he got there. He tried not to think about if it was because you’d spent the night with fucking Brad, if you’d gone to his hotel and had never even been here. Instead, he went to campus. He wasn’t sure where you’d be teaching right now but he was pretty sure you wouldn’t be in your office. You always had morning classes with a break in the afternoon. 

“Excuse me,” he said to a random passing college student. “I’m lookin’ for… shit, probably creative writing? Or literature? What buildings are those?” 

“Oh, um,” the girl looked around quickly. “I’m a physics major but I know I had an English class in that building over there last semester? You could start there?” 

She pointed to a building in the distance and Joel kept his groan to himself. He forgot how fucking huge college campuses were. 

But he couldn’t just sit and wait. He needed to find you and he needed to do it now. 

“Thanks,” he said, giving her a wave and already starting to jog for the building. “Appreciate it!” 

But you didn’t have a class in that building. At least not at that time of day. He knew because he looked in all the lecture halls. You weren’t there. 

He tried two other buildings after asking for directions - no luck - before checking his watch. If your schedule was anything like it had been the semesters before, you’d be in your office soon. That, at least, he knew how to find. 

He jogged there, resisting the urge to run because that would probably make him look utterly insane, and threw his arm out to catch the elevator on its way up. 

“Floor 10, please,” he said to one of the college girls looking at him funny as he panted for breath. She did as he asked, though, and he marveled, for a moment, at just how fucking young college kids seemed to him now.

He closed his eyes and focused for a second, trying to figure out exactly what to say to you, but hearing your name pulled him out of his head. 

“I don’t think they’re still like… together together, though,” the girl who’d pushed the button said. “Like I know they were married but she said he was visiting. He’d live here if they were married, right? Besides, I really don’t think her husband would be asking for my number with his wife there, would he?” 

“I dunno,” the other girl shrugged. “He’s just… isn’t he old? Like old old, not hot old.” 

“I like them old,” the first girl giggled. “They know what they’re doing then.” 

The elevator chimed and the girls got off and Joel’s heart was beating so hard he could feel the blood in his body. You’d brought fucking Brad here and he’d hit on one of your fucking students - one who looked so young Joel never would have looked twice at her if he saw her on the street. Right in front of you, from the sounds of it. That’s who you’d chosen, that’s who you’d felt like you deserved because he hadn’t opened his fucking mouth years earlier. 

When the elevator made it to floor 10, he squeezed out of the doors, not willing to wait for them to open all the way, and ran to your office. 

“Excuse me,” the girl behind the front desk said as he went past her. “You can’t just…” 

“It’s fine,” he said, catching the door as someone came out of the hall where your office was. 

“No, wait!” She called after him but he ignored her. 

He ducked around other professors, dodging them and their questions until he was at your door. 

It was closed but he didn’t bother to knock, throwing the door open to find you there, standing in front of your desk in the arms of your fucking husband as he kissed you. 

Joel moved so fast that neither you nor Gale had noticed he was there but he couldn’t just stand there and watch that fucking guy kiss you, not like that. 

Without really thinking about it, he ripped him away from you, just catching a glimpse of the shock on your face as he punched Gale in the head, sending him sprawling into your desk. 

“Joel!” You yelled before grabbing his arm and pulling him back before he could hit your goddamn husband again. “What the fuck are you doing!” 

“Sorry, baby,” he said, shaking the feel of the punch out of his hand, his knuckles raw. “I couldn’t just watch that fucking guy touch you like that.” 

“Well, it’s really not your business how he touches me!” You snapped, shoving him back. “You don’t get to just come in here and hit people because you’re not getting your way anymore!” 

“That ain’t what this is,” he said, taking you by the shoulders, something grounding in the fact that could feel you again. “Baby, I read your book…” 

“Congratulations!” You snapped. “What, do you want a cookie because you finally got around to supporting me?” 

“No,” he shook his head. “Did you mean that? What you wrote, was that…” 

“What does it matter!” You asked, your eyes searching his face. “Why do you care! It’s ancient history, it doesn’t…” 

“It does matter!” He held you tight, wanting to kiss you more than he ever had before. “It matters because I love you, I love you so much, I’ve loved you since we were fucking kids, I love you so much that I think it might kill me if you don’t let me just say that to you at least this once and if you feel that way, too…” 

“You need to leave,” Gale - who Joel had all but forgotten about - said, trying to position himself between you and Joel. “And take your hands off my wife.” 

“Oh I haven’t even fuckin’ started with you,” Joel said, rounding on him. “You’re a fucking predator, chasing after her fuckin’ students while you’re here with her? Doing with them what you did with her, that it? Lucky I don’t beat the shit out of you…” 

“Joel, I…” you began, but you didn’t get the chance to finish, Gale pulling you back from Joel and going to hit him. 

Joel didn’t give him the chance, shoving him away from you before punching him again. Gale fell, landing on your desk again with a sharp crack. 

“Joel!” You yelled. 

He didn’t get a chance to respond. Instead, he got pulled back, security guards dragging him into the hall and away from you before he knew if he had a shot at really having you for the first time in his life.

A/N: FUCK YOU GALE!

Sorry, I've been picturing that moment since I first thought up the fic. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did!

Taglist: @kaseyconnour

[skidmarkeater]

TrollsTober Day 12: Grey Troll

[kurosstuff]

Some preening headcanons with any of the angel girls please?

Take this for now~ hope you like it!

I'm very busy this week BUT- here's my attempt

ALSO I KINDA DID MORE HEADCANONS THEN KIST PREENING- IM SORRY I KINEA- WENT OFF

Gonna do three girls with wings- sera vaggie and lute(surpise?/j) idk how to write Emily yet-

Warning(s): some angst? Insecurities(in lute and veggies parts), fluff, wing stuff, established relationships in each ones(lovers for vaggie reader is a female, drabbles(some nsfw) slighr nsfw stuff

Never wrote vaggie. Hope she's good

ALSO I DIDNR REALIZE. LUTES IS SO FUCKING LONF.

Preening headcanons(sera, vaggie, lute)

Sera

• I'm gonna say it. Out of all three ladies? She KNOWS how to preen her wings the best. Sure with six wings its more time-consuming and a pain but she knows how important it is.

Which also means she's the most willing to accept your help. Of course, only if it's you two, and she knows you enough- cause wing preening? Is a mate/very sensitive thing for angels

• and it doesn't matter if you have wings or not- shell sit patiently guiding you through how to handle her wings. Given having six is even more work. BUT also much more sensitive

"My love~ please be careful how you touch them" Sera hummed, wings flapping from your touch one eye popping out, watching you closely making you smile at it- humming in approval she closed the eye closing her main ones at the itching pain vanishing "it feels nice~" she purred out softly feeling your hands dipping between her feathers before jolting

"My love- please- you know how sensitive my wings are-" she huffed face flushed dark turning to you huffing at your knowing smirk "guess this.. will turn into something more huh sera ~?" You hummed kissing the wing closest to you

• not all the time but every now and then does it turn into a spicy preening. (Not when her wings genuinely bring her pain) cause as she does keep good track of her preening. Sometimes, she forgets. Or gets to distracted from work. So you step in to help.

To remind her of what she needs.

• she couldn't ask for a better mate to help her preening. To help her wings in general. She's a tall woman so even though it takes a much longer time given she has more then two wings.. she's lucky you stuck around, more to help.

Bonus points if you have wings.

Cause then she'll help preen you no questions asked. Hell shed even offer the help.

Vaggie

• ok first things first. Vaggie? Is very insecure about her wings. Before falling she kinda knew how to handle preening enough so it wouldn't like- cause issues? But. She'd miss some. She'd miss the cloest ones to her middle of her back-

Only time she allowed Adam to help. Given she couldn't do it herself. Didnt trust the others too.

• but now in hell? She regrew them or- whatever.. it hurt. Like hell. Them ripping through her scared back- bur now she needs to relearn how to live with wings like she learned how to live without.

"I got it- I got it" vaggie growled out, giving you a pointed look on instinct as her wings flapped around, hitting yet another plate, sending it flying off the counter shattering as she tried to relearn how to fold them. To relax them.

"I really think-"

"I fucking Got it" she yelped out

• stubborn. She's a good lover awkward given her upbringing. But she never once meant to upset you. Never meant to take her temper out on you. But, she just didn't know how to properly react to this annoying pain again after all these years of no wings. Now it's here and she needs to preen? Again?

Asking was just as uncomfortable for her. Knowing you always offered to help? Made her upset. For two reasons- her stubbornness from her past to ask for such help pinging in anger at the suggestion she needed help. And two. Because of her snapping at you. Her girlfriend. Yet here she is doing what she was uncomfortable with.

She knew deep down as much as you could turn her away- send her off. You won't. So she? Asked

And you of course. Agreed

"Come on love~" patting in front of you, she stared. Her one good eye glancing at the cushion in front of you on the bed silent. To uncomfortable- unnerving to speak. Stepping too put od her comfort zone to ask. To allow you to touch her and know she's safe. She cant help but be uncomfortable. "When your ready? Let me see your pretty wings?" You hummed as she finally sat down. Tense infront of you.

Finally releasing her wings she allowed you to do your job. The second your hands touched her wings- touched her? She relaxed against you. Feeling safe. Which even now after all these years is..

Odd

• every time you preened her- shed be a more cuddly mess- nuzzling into you hiding into your chest or neck wings flapping puffing up.

It wasn't until you read up on wings to help her that you learned why. How it was like an intimate courting thing to do.

• didn't really understand, but. If it made her happy? You were happy. And imagine your surpise when she handed you her feather

Lute

Lute? Is not insecure about her wings. No she's very prideful of them how strong they are how soft and all the stuff she'd do to court you(despite her not needing to) she is COMPLETELY prideful of them. Showing them off all the time to you- she didn't care for anyone else's opinon..

But she is insecure. About her lack of knowledge of how to properly care for them. All executioners have this issue. Their all taught to be fighters killers. Nothing else. She's still learning to be a good lover- a gentle lover with you. But the basic stuff she knows how to preen.. but it hurts still.

She almost asked Adam for help but. She's to prideful. She can't accept help. That'd mean defeat for her. Mean she can't do it. Mean she ISNT the best. Mean.. she's not the perfect mate. Mean she isn't right for you- asking for help on anything sends her into a freak out. Makes her panic cause what If you leave her?

She can't even cook nor make nests completely right. So why would you want a mate that CANT even preen? Something all angels know. Doesn't matter executioners are.. exempt from this. Doesn't matter to her.

Lute is like vaggie. Stubborn. Unwilling to accept help even from her mate- her lover. She'll throw a fit- if you oh so mention her needed to be preened. She's just way to prideful.

Youll know when she needs to preen. Its the only time youll see her more.. phycially emotional rather then just her words. Oh, she'll yell. It's already well known how.. angry. Lute generally is other than her more... stoic persona.

If it weren't for her wings flapping or her having them at all- you'd call her a rabbit. Given how she stomps her foot like what rabbits do when angry(I know birds do as well when upset/uncomfortable)

"...lute" you cautiously called out. Watching as she stormed around your shared room wings puffing stretching as she roughly plucked herself. Glaring at you she huffed watching you closely as you swallowed

"May i help-"

"no" she cut off, snarling loudly feet stomping in that familiar way when.. she got like this. "Think I can't fucking take care of MY wings? I'm fine. I got it."

"But i- I can-"

Snarling she stormed off slamming the door roughly

"-help-"

Lute? Will stomp her feet. Wings puffing flapping in an annoyed anger cause of her wings irrating her. And that- you know you can jump in- asking yet again- cause she'll break at some point.

She always did. Always broke. Hinting for you to ask. And shell.. "reluctantly" agree and accept your help. As if you pushed her too. God heaven forbid she asks for help herself.

Stopping, you glanced up, seeing Lute again in front of you showing off her wings how it needs to be preened. Humming you blinked in thought. This.. was the third time she did such a thing

"...lute?" Her head tilting to you slightly, almost uninterested. But you saw that look. The look of panic but.. hopefully "do you need..help?" You asked once more unsure how she'd take it.

"If you insist so much. Fine, " she grumbled out, not even waiting, moving to sit in front of you. Smiling, you sighed. Of course, she wouldn't have actually asked.

She may not understand exactly how to preen but- her wings as always are like super soft- comforting as she sighed in relief as you preened her.

But if you asked? Oh, shed reject. How would she be happy for this? She is not. Nope. Nuh uh. Not at all happy her mate helped her.

She does surpise you, though. Even though she does it each time. How she piles her feathers you preened of her feathers. How she won't let you touch a single one, sending a glare your way if you so much as do.

Going through each and every feathers inspecting them as if searching for something. Then, the most acceptable ones she'll put a smaller pile wings puffing as she looks for the single best feathers.

She accepts no less than perfection after all.

Then once she finds it? She'll go to you- presenting it to you- insisting you inspect it for yourself and wait. Wait for you to accept or reject her feather.

Of course you accept-

Then she's all pridful. For getting the best feather for her mate. How you approved of her choice.

Of course if you have wings? Shell insists on preening you herself. She knows it's an intimate thing. How sometimes it does lead.. to more but. She thinks it's more special if she herself does it for you... ironic since she hardly accepts your help but. She does her best

You do have to show her- tell her if she's being to rough. After all? She doesn't know how to be gentle with anything much less wings

[leaentries]

out of line | nico hischier

summary: when his girl finds the ring, it doesn’t end like he had hoped.

warnings: mostly angst, swearing, this does have a happy ending (im sorry i couldnt leave my babies in dispair)

wc: 1.9k+

a/n: i’m sorry in advance, i feel like i don’t write angst that well…but i hope you enjoy regardless

the captain’s girl masterlist

Heaviness lay in thick blankets around the room, almost like the inches of sand that covered the expanse of beach outside. Your throat felt tight at the intense gaze Nico was blazing at you. It wasn’t often the two of you fought, but it sure hurt like hell when you did.

Shuddered breaths heaved in your chest, hands pricking at your nails. It all felt like a nightmare. Except, you weren’t waking up.

Tension had been rising for days, emotions only growing as you and Nico danced around each other. You had refused to acknowledge the elephant in the room, or rather, the ring.

You loved Nico, with everything in your being, but you weren’t ready for marriage. Not yet anyway. Nico had always seemed so understanding about you choosing to wait a few more years before doing anything rash. Yet now, you weren’t so sure.

With Nico inviting you to come along for the trip during bye-week, you couldn’t have been more ecstatic. The thought of being able to spend an entire week with your boyfriend was like a breath of much needed fresh air. And it was, for the first few days.

At least until Wednesday.

❥.

Nico had gone out with some of the guys, promising to be back by 4 at the latest. Not that you minded much, getting the very nice and very expensive villa to yourself for a while was enticing.

After an hour or so in the sun, you decided to take a little break and use the giant bathtub that had been screaming your name since you had arrived. Grabbing your bag and some clothes, you made your way to the en-suite, making sure to leave the door slightly cracked, just in case Nico got home.

You turned on the faucet, making sure the water temperature was just right, before stripping yourself and sinking into the welcoming space. Closing your eyes, you sunk your body lower into the water, until it brushed against your chin with any movement. The motion of the slight waves was like a massage to your sore, sun-burnt skin.

You remained in the tub until the water ran cold and your skin began to get pruny. You pulled the drain, before carefully getting out and wrapping yourself in the closest towel. Walking over to the counter, you rummaged through your bag, trying to find your face wash, yet coming up empty handed.

You rolled your eyes, realizing you must have left it somewhere. Although, it was just a minor inconvenience, since you and Nico both used the same brand, so you weren’t worrying too much.

Squatting down to open the cabinet under the sink, you pulled out Nico’s black bag, quickly opening it to find the familiar bottle. You began to pull stuff out, before a little velvet box fell onto the tile beneath you.

Your breath caught in your throat, hoping it isn’t what you think it is. Nico knew you wanted to marry him, but not now, not during the peak of his career and your schooling. It just wasn’t what you saw for yourself. Shakily reaching down to grab the box, you stood up, scared to open it.

You almost opted to put it back, knowing that if it was an engagement ring, your relationship would never go back to the way it was. This would bring up a new wave of emotions and obstacles. It would open up a door you didn’t know if you could close.

Bracing yourself against the counter, you slowly opened the box. Gleaming back at you, in all its glory, was the most beautiful ring you could have imagined. It was the perfect ring. But this only made it hurt worse. Just picturing Nico picking out a the cut of diamond you had always wanted, or the band color, had your heart clenching with sadness.

You knew you were gonna have to talk to him about it, before he did something that neither of you would be able to walk away from unscathed.

It was the only option to save your relationship. To save Nico.

Sighing, you swiftly get dressed, placing the box back on the counter, hoping that Nico would realize you had found it. Now this may seem cowardly, but it was truly what you thought would be best. At least then, the blow would be softer than a straight out rejection.

You figured that if you prompted him to bring up the ring, the conversation would be easier. Only, he never brought it up. You could tell he knew, by the way he was so cautious with anything he did around you past 48 hours. This only caused your heartache to worsen.

Eventually, the tension came to a boiling point. Having just got home from a private dinner, you can’t help but feel as though Nico had originally planned for more to come from that picture perfect beachfront sunset. Deep down, you didn’t need to guess, you knew.

This was the night Nico was supposed to propose.

You felt conflicted as you entered the living room in silence. On one hand, you felt relieved he didn’t get down on one knee, yet on the other, you felt guilty for hoping the man you loved wouldn’t confess his undying loyalty to you. Your chest tightened with emotion.

“Can we not do this anymore?”

Nico’s voice rang out, interrupting your battling thoughts. Your brows furrowed in confusion.

“Not do what, Neeks?”

“Not sit here and pretend you didn’t find the ring, or that I wasn’t gonna propose to you.”

There it was. The bomb finally dropped. With those few words, the harsh truth of the situation became real. All of it did. No matter how hard you tried to remain in denial, or refuse to acknowledge it, reality always finds a way to bite back.

You bit your lip, contemplating on how to begin voicing your side, “Nico, what you need to understand is-”

He cut you off, “I do understand, Y/n. But you told me about your whole “plan” 2 years ago when we first got together.” His chest heaved with despair, “I thought you’d change your mind by now.”

“My plan? My plan was never going to change. You can’t be upset with me, when you were the one who assumed I’d say yes.”

Nico felt his heart shatter at your words, anger quickly began to boil through his veins, “Of course I’d assume you’d say yes,” He ran a frustrated hand through his hair, “I mean, fuck, we live together. We do everything with each other. I’m sorry for wanting to take that step with you, truly I am.”

His sarcasm didn't get lost on you. Scoffing, you turned away from him.

“Nico, you’re not listening to me-“

“What’s there to hear?” He cut you off once more, arms flaring into the air, “That you don’t want to marry me? God forbid someone actually wants to love you.”

You spin back around, tears springing to your eyes, “You are so out of line right now, Nico.”

Yet, your shaky tone did nothing to calm him.

“How am I out of line? For loving you?”

Disbelief was written all over your face. You couldn’t even begin to comprehend the intensity of it all. Nico’s harsh comments pelted through any sort of resolve you had left. Never once did you think Nico would say something like that. Especially knowing your past. It stung worse than any pain you could imagine. 

“T-That’s not fair,” You quivered, “And you know it.” 

Nico’s tense form deflated at your meek voice. The anger that once flowed through him like hot lava, has now receded, leaving nothing but spiky coldness and depression. He felt lost, plagued by the possibility of not spending the rest of his life with you.

He gingerly walked across the room, now standing directly parallel to you, “Why?” His voice was distant and cracking under the weight of his emotions, “Why won’t you marry me, schatzi?”

The use of the familiar nickname was enough to break you. Sobs wracked through your body, knees becoming shaky. Nico immediately engulfed you in his arms, cradling you against his chest like it was the last time he’d ever feel you. You felt Nico’s own tears fall freely, the hurt grasping you both. Heavy cries left Nico’s chest, only furthering your guilt. 

“I’m so sorry, Nico!” You blubbered hopelessly, “I love you so m-much, I just,” Your sentence was cut short by the rapid hiccups in your breath. 

Nico’s hands moved to gently hold your face, pulling it to meet his bloodshot eyes. His cheeks were red and puffy, wet tracks trailing down to his chin, but you knew you didn't look much better. He tried his best to calm your breathing, even through his own unsteady gasps. After a few minutes, you found yourself composed enough to continue. 

“I don’t know,” You admitted weakly, “I don’t know why I don’t want to marry you, Neeks. I’m just not ready, yet.”

Nico took a second to mull over your words. He dropped his hands from your face, leaving you distraught at the possibility of him being even more upset. He quickly turned, retreating to your shared bedroom. You felt your throat squeeze, a new wave of anxiety washing over you. 

Finding the courage to follow him, you found him sitting on the edge of the bed with his face in his hands. His shoulders shook with the force of his sobs. 

You made your way over to him, perching on your knees in front of his legs. He lifted his head, pain written all over his handsome features. Your body physically ached at the amount of hurt swimming in his doe eyes. You cursed yourself for being the cause of it. Nico reached out to slowly like he’d spook you if he moved too quickly. He pulled you to stadle his waist, big eyes drilling into yours. 

He dropped his head in shame, “I’m sorry, schatzi.” 

You swallowed thickly, having not expected an apology.

“I should have talked to you about it first. I-I just got excited when we finally started talking about the future, I thought you had changed your mind.” 

You relaxed slightly, realizing he wasn’t gonna end things, “Don’t be sorry,” You rasped, voice hoarse from crying, “I should have made it clearer.” 

Lifting his face, you forced him to look at you, “But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to get married eventually, Neeks. I promise, I do. Just-,” You looked at his hopeful gaze, “Just not right now.”

He nodded slightly, understanding your words. 

Your eye flickered from his eyes to his lips, before carefully placing a delicate kiss. Nico responded almost immediately, hands pulling you deeper. The kiss was slow and passionate. The days of bottled-up emotions pouring into each other's mouths. You slipped your hands into the back of his hair, making sure he wasn’t going anywhere. 

You eventually pulled away for air, chests panting. You sat for a moment, just taking in the other’s body. Nico was the first to break the silence. 

“Can you promise me something, schatzi?” Nico begged. 

You nodded quickly, “Anything.” 

“Promise you’ll marry me someday.” He swallowed, face falling into a serious expression.

You smiled slightly at his lingering worry. You kissed him once more as reassurance, before pulling away just enough to speak. 

“I promise I’ll marry you someday, Neeks.”

[cultofdixon]

A little pain with your pleasure

Daryl Dixon • She/Her Pronouns • Adrenaline is a crazy natural drug and you’re driving them crazy with how calm you are • SFW/Small Angst • TW: Stab wounds

Requested by: Anon

“What you got there?”

Glenn’s voice not only startled the poor guy but even cut through Daryl’s thoughts that he forgot for a split second what he had in his hand.

“A Walkman. Found one on a past run”

“Oh, neat. Did you find some cassettes for it? I think there’s like a box of them in the warden’s office but those could also be confessional tapes and I don’t think I wanna know about why a prisoner ended up in prison”

“Me neither. It’s for Y/N. I found some cassettes with it when I found it. Queen, Elton John,…I think there was a Micheal Jackson one. I don’t know.” Daryl scratches the side of his face as he thought about another cassette before shrugging it off. “It was broken when I found it and Sasha helped me fix it for her.”

“Well ain’t that awful sweet of you” Glenn smirks bringing himself to sit across from him on the picnic table. Daryl instantly glaring at the man knowing where he could be going. “I wanna be there when you give it to her. I know she’ll be super excited getting that from you”

“The fuck you mean by that?” Daryl snapped slightly as Glenn shrugged with a smirk. “Speaking of Y/N. Have you seen her?”

“I was actually gonna ask you the same thing. She said if she decided on a 3-Day run that she would help me with the south fence repair when she came back” Glenn sighs running his hand through his hair. “Think she’s out for a week?”

“Mm. Better not. She promised me she’d help with the snares”

“Oh she promised you but didn’t promise me? Obviously she likes a certain someone more than me” He really didn’t catch the hint that Daryl hated the teasing and the glare made him realize he should stop before he’s tossed into a walker. “Okay fine. Mind helping me with the fence and I’ll help you with the snares”

Daryl sighs, nodding picking up the Walkman and going to put it away before helping Glenn with the fence.

After a while, the fence was done, and the two split into the nearby woods to check the snares at a faster pace compared to doing it together. Even if Daryl would’ve spent hours in the woods if it meant being with Y/N.

Daryl made his way toward the snares closer to the front gates, liking to go from the furthest to the closest snares so he could head right in when he’s done. But he was also going to check Glenn’s work on setting up the traps back up. He suddenly halted when he heard footsteps, causing him to ready his crossbow for a walker but relaxed when the bloodied dirty figure came into view.

“Jesus Christ”

“What?” Y/N laughs nervously. “Is there something on my face?”

“Yeah blood and dirt” Daryl scoffs bringing himself close, resting his hand on her cheek brushing off some of the dirt from her cheek. “The fuck happen on your run?”

“Oh that’s a great story so—-“

“Y/N!” Glenn shouted her name while also making it clear of his presence coming up behind Daryl and eventually to his side. “What took you so long getting back?!”

“Well it’s uh a short story—-“

“Glenn I just asked them about the run. Did yea finish the snares on your side?”

“Yeah I did, now Y/N?”

“Yeah…how was the run?”

“Well I got stabbed in the back” Her expression tensed watching the two start their lines of questioning. But every chance she tried to correct she kept getting cut off.

“What do you mean you got stabbed in the back?”

“Let me start with how it hap—“

“Where is this guy? I thought you went on the run alone”

“I did go alone Im trying—-“

“This guy is dead meat if he tries to come after yea. Plenty of fighters here” Daryl stated as Glenn nods in agreement.

“Who would turn on you? Maybe it was—-“

“SHUT UP!” Y/N shouted, resulting in a wince that definitely confused the two. But her face returned to the discomfort it had before running into Daryl. “I got literally stabbed in the damn back” she turned to show the two the knife that was embedded deep in her shoulder.

No more words were said. All Daryl did was smack Glenn forcing him in the direction of the gates to get them opened. Y/N frowns watching him bring himself to her back to feel around the wound before, without warning, rip her flannel open and forced her to take it off.

“You owe me!”

“Just wait til we get inside. Hershel is gonna want to see it and he’s gonna have to cut your shirt anyway”

“Doesn’t mean you had to rip my favorite flannel!” Y/N shouted as Daryl watched her back tense and the knife shift.

“Stop shouting and let’s get yea inside” Daryl scoffs taking her pack from her and directing her back to the prison.

While Hershel stitched her up, Y/N was telling them the story of how it happened. How this stranger that passed the 3 questions decided to just turn on her and try to kill her for her stuff. It wasn’t a pretty scene and given how Y/N felt about killing people, she was only late in her return because she didn’t want to come back feeling the way that she did. That part she didn’t tell them. She just fibbed by saying she lost the car she had. After being patched up, Y/N made her way back to her cell in need of clean clothes and a shirt that isn’t in pieces.

“Hey”

Y/N stopped right before her cell to acknowledge Daryl. “Hey”

“Your back feelin’ any better?”

“Having stitches suck” She laughs it off, no longer wincing from her back. “Maybe next time I’ll bring you on the run”

“I’ll keep yea safe” Daryl murmurs, leaning against the metal doors as Y/N brought herself close leaning with him.

“Next time the knife will be in your back” She jokes receiving a breathy chuckle in response. “You know I’m kidding…I’ll always have your back out there Dar” she whispers as she brought her lips to his cheek keeping her hand planted on his chest. “Thanks for worrying about me”

Before she pulled away too far, Daryl gently grabbed her waist pulling her into him. He admired her features for a moment then planted his lips firmly onto hers. Y/N was taken back but relaxed almost instantly, bringing her arms around his neck keeping him close.

When they parted, Daryl pulled away a little while taking the torn shirt from her hands.

“I’ve got a surprise for yea. But I also have a shirt…we just. Need to go to my cell for both”

Y/N couldn’t contain her smile as she took his free hand. “Lead the way Dixon”

[zbis]

☆.｡.:*summary : your boyfriend comes home bruised and bloody yet again

☆.｡.:*pairing : boxer!gunwook x reader

☆.｡.:*warnings & other : blood, mentions of fighting, a bit of angst if you squint(?), fluff, not revised

☆.｡.:*w/c : ~1k

“stupid fucking-” gunwook groans out loud. “such a lucky hit, i swear...” he taps his finger on the marble surface of the kitchen island contemplatively. “i was just distracted,” he tells himself.

he places his head on the counter, mulling over the loss of the night. god, if only he did a left hook instead of the right. 

“ow..” he lifts head up and looks down, noticing his forehead wound has opened back up and has left a blood stain on the counter. “shit,” he mumbles. just as he’s about to go grab a towel to clean it up, you emerge from your room. 

“you’re back?” you yawn, your hair looking just a dishealved as his.

he clears his throat, diverting his gaze awkwardly from your exposed torso when you stretch. “yeah..” he mumbles. you laugh at how red his ears get until you notice the forehead wound among many others. you see his blood stained cheeks and eye that's just asking to get swollen if untreated. “gunwook what the fuck?” you scold him. “i-” you cut him off when you notice the stain he left on the counter. “and you’re leaving your blood everywhere!”

he scoffs, “ i was just about to clean that up..” he sighs, “im not really in the mood for this right now..” just then do you notice the way his eyes are downturned and his usual bubbly self is nowhere to be found. 

“did you-”

you dont finish your sentence because the way hes carrying himself tells you everything already. “oh wook..” you walk up to him and cup his face gently, although he still winces at the touch. “it’s just one loss you know?” he sighs, “i was gonna use the money to take you out or something, we haven't done anything fun in months.”

 “i dont care about that, you’ve done alot for me already plus i dont want you to die while making me happy.”

you dont even need to ask questions to know. gunwook typically never fought past his range. he would only go against people whom he knew he had a good chance against. however, every saturday there was an event where the fighters of the area could go against one of the strongest fighters in the city. the cash prize was good but what was even better was the reputation that came with it and your boyfriend wanted nothing more than to have it.

you were supportive but for the past 4 months, every Saturday without fail, gunwook would come home beat to a pulp. you tried to get him to give up but he was determined to win one day, he just had to get stronger.

you sigh, looking over his face. his lips were more swollen than normal and some strands of his dark hair were crisp with blood. “can you just-” “of course.” you cut him off. you place a chaste kiss on his lips, which he hisses in pain at and you laugh.

you silently lead him to the bathrooom where you keep a first aid kit on deck. you grunt as you pick up the heavy box, refusing to let gunwook help you. “just sit your ass down.” when he does you give him a once over.

he looks like a stray puppy who’d just been abandoned at the side of the road. you let out an exasperated sigh at his appearance, “you know, im not a licensed nurse. you need to go to the hospital one of these days.” he plays with his fingers while you get the kit ready for use. 

“why would i do that when i have my own personal fixer upper right here?” he jabs at your side playfully. “ow, it hurts when you do it.” you glare at him with an annoyed but light smile. 

“too strong.” 

“not strong enough apparently,” he mumbles, once again reminded of yet another saturday loss. “well,” you take place on his lap with a cotton pad wet with alcohol in hand. instinctively he moves his hand to your waist to keep you steady. “you’re strong enough to keep me safe,” you whisper.

before he can protest or say anything demeaning about himself you place the cotton on the cut closest to his eye. he hisses in pain and glares at you. “be gentler,” he mumbles. you hum, moving the piece of cotton across whatever cut or gash you came across, making sure to change it whenever it got too saturated with blood.

 “seriously though...you need to be more careful wook,” you place a kiss on the cut you just cleaned and place a bandaid over that. “my biggest fear is getting a call about a wound I won’t be able to fix.”

he nods solemnly, placing his patched up face on your shoulder. you sigh, choosing to play with his hair to soothe his stress and sadness.

after a couple beats of silence, he suddenly pips up.

"but next saturday i've definitely got it in the bag!"

[envy-of-the-apple]

POLY! I JUST HAD TO POUR MY LOVE IN YOUR MOST RECENT WORK, INFINITE REWIND, HERE ON TUMBLR AS WELL. I FEEL LIKE COMMENTING IN AO3 IS NOT ENOUGH! I JUST LEFT A WALL OF TEXTX THERE BUT I FEEL LIKE I STILL HAVEN'T SAID ENOUGH OF WHAT I'M FEELING FOR THAT WORK FUCKING HELL DID YOU JUST DETHRONE SEM FOR MY FAVORITE SATORU FIC?!!! WHY ARE YOU FIGHTING YOURSELF WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF AAAAAHHHHH JUST KNOW THAT WHILE READING IT I THOUGHT IT WAS GONNA BE FULL ON ANGST AND I WAS FEELING SO SAD THAT THEY REALLY WONT SEE EACH OTHER AGAIN. IT WAS A ROLLER COASTER OF AN EMOTION THINKING IT WAS HIM WHO SAVED HER OR MAYBE HE FOUND A WAY TO FIND HER HIS FEELINGS EVEN WITHOUT KNOWING HER, BUT KNOWING STILL THE MOST INTIMATE THING YET SO LITTLE OF HER. AM I MAKING SENSE, TOLD YA I CANT THINK STRAIGHT

im so sorry for screaming, it's just too good. Oh my i love you

Satoru, our truly selfless and kind to a fault God. Goodness, he's too 😔😔😔😔 i wanna give him the biggest hug, he's precious he deserves everything

Your ask got through! I blushed and giggled the first time and the second time you sent this TYYYY

WAIT THAT WAS YOU????? AHHH BESTIE BESTIE THANK U FOR THAT WALL OF TEXT I LOVE YOU SO SO MUCH FOR IT I ALWAYS GET SO HAPPY WHENEVER YOU COMMENT ON MY FICS AND I HOPE YOU KNOW THAT:)))))

ughhhhh satoru being so selfless and giving isnt talked about ENOUGH. the fact that he chooses his students, the future, over his one and only i could write paragraphs and paragraphs and paragraphs about how much he loves and cares. Greeny had to give him permission to be selfish and to hurt. After being isolated from his friends, taking mission after mission, after the one who he saw as his closest companion say everything was fixed and there was no reason to keep coming back and see him anymore, could anyone even blame him for intentionally causing pain? Greeny certainly couldn't. (this is why its tagged unhealthy relationships but we allow that cuz we love gojo)

for the record infinite rewind would curb stomp SEM if they ever fought. it wouldn't even be a competition. its the superior fic:)

[kevinsbitch-panini]

it's been 7 years. it's been 7 fucking years and jean is only finally coming to terms with his time in the ravens. certainly not healed--he isn't sure it's possibly to fully heal--but he finally understands just how fucked up it had been. he has a life now, he has rainbows and open roads and jeremy and friends and happiness. but the one thing he can't wrap his head around is kevin.

kevin day. the queen of exy; second only to riko, now second to none. kevin day, jean's closest confidante in the nest, the teammate who jean risked his entire life for to teach french, the man who bought him a spot in the land of sunshine.

kevin day, the closest confidante to riko. the teammate who watched and said nothing as jean was stripped of everything good and kind, left only with pain, impossible hope, and a need to obey.

betsy--who was still jean's therapist after these many years--had told him that it wasn't kevin's fault. she was biased; the tiny murderous goalie and josten both use her services. he wouldn't be surprised if kevin does too.

but who is she to tell him who to blame; she wasn't there, she doesn't understand what a betrayal kevin's actions were. she didn't feel the broken ribs or the water flooding his nose or the sensation of his fingers snapping under his own force--

she didn't understand.

kevin had stood by, had pretended to care afterwards. all the comfort, the hope that kevin had provided was fake, because he had provided the same same reassurances to riko, to jean's master.

the friend of your enemy is your enemy. perhaps jean has more enemies than he previously thought

~~~

based on this post by @dayurno

honestly i might make this into a full fic but idk. im kinda bad at writing jean because he's just a big human-shaped ball of angst, plus his thought tone is a bit more formal than neil's, but hopefully this is ok? if i do write more it's probably gonna involve a confrontation with kevin, and kevin subsequently trying to drown his thoughts in alcohol. neil may or may not get involved. very dramatic stuff.

[fraudulent-cheese]

I think im actually going to change who wins in my team escope tdwt au?

Originally Noah was going to win and alenoah was gonna be the final 2, but it felt both like a disservice to Heather's character who does have development over the course of the season and it wasn't super compelling to me (she's way more invested in the competition than Noah is + my personal agenda of making Alejandro loose the competition in every single AU i write) + Noah winning just not making for a satisfying ending

Heather in this AU would end up in a similar "previous antagonist becomes antihero due to a bigger vilain popping up" position as she does in canon, but it's combined with her making a genuine friend on the show in Harold; she's shown in the best light she's ever been shown on the show and while a good chunk of the audience is supporting Noah for the finale, she still has a decent crowd of supporters.

It's also my personnal mission to make Alejandro loose in every Total Drama AU i write apparently, and him loosing the tie-breaker is perfect for angst. Also i've seen my fair share of tdwt alenoah rewrites and none of them have included both in the final 3 tie-breaker so it would be fun to explore, with Noah only standing a chance against Alejandro thanks to his dodging ability and wanting to put an end to their endless pining...

It could go two ways - either Noah wins the Tie-Breaker or Alejandro wins the tie-breaker.

Noah at this point in the competition is sure of three things:

Alejandro's a very competitive guy, with a flare for the dramatics

Him and Noah have had been semi-friendly semi-fighting all competition, with it dipping more into a rivalry as of late (the thing keeping him trying after Eva's elimination)

And based on both of these facts:

Alejandro's most likely looking for a dramatic victory over him. Noah's not willing to give him that.

So, mid-spar, Noah's trying to solve this conflict once and for all - Not his brightest idea, but he's joined Total Drama so he's made worse decisions - and opts to be genuine while dodging Alejandro's hits. His earnestness does break through eventually, and confesses to him. They're both standing near the edge of the fighting platform, and are both tired as hell from the previous challenge.

That is the only reason Noah considers as the one behind Alejandro leaning in and kissing him.

After this is where the ending would diverge depending on who ends up in the final two: Alejandro would win by Noah falling into the water right afterwards on his own accord, and Noah would win by tricking Alejandro into falling into the shark infested water.

either making it to the final 2 doesn't change the outcome of Heather winning in the end, but it would change the banter and Helpers; Heather would pick Sierra (who got over Heather booting her back in Paris because she's "a sucker for redemption arcs") and Leshawna (who's friendly with her in this AU) while the boys would pick a combination of the third placer + one of their closest friendship on the show (Courtney and Noah for Alejandro, Alejandro and Izzy for Noah). Heather still ends up in the cage trap and is genuinly pissed at this, but Harold and Leshawna (through the power of friendship) snap her out of it with a similar line as in canon (that she's a better person now and either 1. more deserving of the win for them if she's against Noah or 2. the 'good guy' if she's going against Alejandro) and manages to climb up the volcano.

If Heather's against Noah, she catches up to him due to his garbage athletisism and if it's Alejandro, it's the cast catching onto his distaste of the "Al" nickname and using it against him (probably Owen and Izzy, the latter joining in for shits and giggles). If it's against Noah it'll be a roundabout way of having a friendship finale, it's just the good guy with friends vs the less good guy who's gotten better thanks to friendship and self reflection, and if it's Alejandro and Heather it's just bad guy vs good guy, more like in canon :p they could have a stupid dramatic swordfight with the dummies that Alejandro looses like an idiot and it gets him slipping to the volcano's base (because it would be a funny visual).

The volcano still explodes at the end, but i don't know if i want the "alejandro gets partially burnt" ending or "everyone (but the million dollars) is fine" ending yet. idk

[wormdebut]

Drunk Words—Sober Thoughts

Written for @steddiemicrofic BONUS ROUND. Using @wynnyfryd unhinged prompts from her and her weirdo friends. (It’s me and @messessentialist we are the weirdo friends.) Rated T for alcohol use | Word Count 555 | CW: drinking and ANGST apparently. | Prompt “You’re pretty.” ���Huh?” “I said you’re pretty! Im hitting on you.”

Disclaimer: this is NOT how the actual conversation went down 😂

——

Eddie’s not sure why he agreed to come out in the first place. There are so many people in that damn bar and he loves Robin. He’s glad it’s her birthday, of course he is, but there’s people in there, socializing and Eddie quite frankly prefers sitting in their apartment with Robin and Steve and—

Steve. That’s why he’s fucking out with them and all of Robins friends. For stupid Steve Harrington and he pretty hair and his perfect lips and—

“Eds!” Eddies head snaps to the right, following the call. There he is, turning around the corner, with a wide smile on his face. Steve in all his red cheeked, beer drunk glory.

“Hey Stevie.” Eddie calls.

Steve makes his way up to him. Goofy (cute) smile splayed across his features, “What are you doing out here?”

Eddie takes in another puff of his cigarette and blows the smoke upward, away from Steve’s pretty face. He shakes the cigarette and Steve laughs.

“Ah—got it. Dumb question.” Steve replies, red blush crossing his features.

Eddie tuts, “No dumb questions, baby.” Baby? He’s only had two beers. He’s not near drunk enough to shake that one off. He clears his throat. “I’m people watching. As much as I love Rob, sometimes I just need to—be alone. Take some time to breathe, y’know?”

Steve blinks up at him through those ridiculously long lashes. His cheeks are still red with blush and it’s really doing something for Eddie.

“No, I get it. I was out here just trying to call Tommy—he wanted me to keep him updated and he’s not even answering his stupid phone.” Steve grumbles and Eddie tries, he really tries, not to roll his eyes.

“I’m sure Tommy’s fine, Stevie.” Eddie responds and Steve shakes himself out of whatever pitying moments he had found himself in briefly.

“I’m just gonna try one more time.” Steve smiles and Eddie can’t help but smile back at the man. Even when the smiles aren’t real, anything Steve does is contagious.

Eddie watches as Steve walks back down the sidewalk. “If Tommy won’t call you, I will.” Eddie mutters under his breath. Steve didn’t hear him, he had walked too far away.

It would probably be best if Eddie went back inside. He’d been out here far too long, but he hadn’t seen Steve come back yet. Even though he was trying to call his stupid on again/off again poor excuse for a boyfriend—

“You’re pretty.”

Eddie snapped out of his thoughts seeing Steve on his other side. How had even gotten there?

“Huh?” Eddie asked, that was—

Steve slapped at Eddie’s shoulder, laughing. “C’mon Eds! I said you’re pretty! I’m hitting on you.”

Eddie choked out a laugh. Steves words came out slurred. They weren’t real. He didn’t mean it. He never would.

“Sure, Stevie—did Tommy finally answer?”

Steve looked up at him again. Stupid pretty, glossed over hazel eyes, big and gorgeous as always. “Oh no. It’s fine. I’d rather be with Rob and you anyway.”

Eddie swallowed, trying not to say something fucking stupid. “Why don’t we go back inside and get you some water yeah?” He threw his arm around Steve’s shoulder to keep him steady. This was the closest to Steve Eddie would probably ever get and he had to be okay with that.

[alsturnio]

ARE WE REALLY FRIENDS? part one

this story will contain angst and fluff. other tws will be mentioned later

NOBODIES POV

y/n stirred from sleep as the soft rays of the sun filtered through the curtains of her room. rubbing her eyes, she reluctantly peeled herself from the warmth of her bed and stretched. with a yawn, y/n sat up, glancing at the clock beside her bed. "7:00 AM," the clock read. she mentally prepared to get ready for the long work day ahead of her. she had lived with the triplets, which was helpful, but them and y/n had to go to a meeting discussing a future tour. swinging her legs over the edge of the bed, y/n planted her feet on the cool hardwood floor and with a deep breath, she shook off the last remnants of sleep and pushed herself to get up and out of bed.

her room was bathed in a soft, golden light, casting a warm glow over her room. poster adorned the walls, polaroids of her and her friends hung on a string of lights, and a cluttered desk stood in one corner.

y/n shuffled across the room, her steps still heavy with sleep, and made her way to the bathroom. splashing her face with cold water. she then brushed her teeth and headed over to her closet to pick her outfit. she chose something simple, since she was just having a meeting and could do the rest of work from home. she threw on a pair of black varsity fresh love sweatpants, a brand that one of her bestfriends, chris, made and designed. she threw on a sweater and made her way downstairs. and was greeted my a familiar face, chris.

“hey sleepyhead” chris giggled while y/n shuffled over to the pantry. “shut up” she replied hiding a smile. “i hate how early this meeting is, laura couldn’t have made it 8 PM instead?!”. “you’ll be fineee” chris said dragging out the e.

CHRIS��� POV

me, my brothers, and y/n were heading to an 8 am meeting, i could tell y/n was not very excited, but honestly, who was. all we were gonna do is discuss a possible tour in the near future. i wish it was later in the day because im so tired from filming last night.

i sat in the back of the car with my bestfriend y/n. y/n is the one person i can really talk to and not feel judged, she is the only person who actually understands me. of course, me and my brothers have an amazing relationship but with y/n it’s just different. i have lots of other friends like nate and madi but y/n is definitely my closest friend, i mean, she lives with us after all. i slowly feel myself start to doze of so i just lay my head on y/ns shoulder. i felt her body tense up but it’s probably because she wasn’t expecting it so it just shocked her.

Y/N POV

chris just layed his head on me. i know what your thinking “y/n he’s your bestfriend it’s not a big deal”. yeah, he’s my bestfriend, but try bestfriend that you have had a major secret crush on for the past few months. at first i thought it was just our bond growing but it feels like chris is getting more touchy and it’s hard to tell but it feels like he’s trying to flirt with me. i could be overthinking all of this but it’s really stressing me out. i don’t know what happened to suddenly make me feel this way towards chris but it’s definitely hit me like a truck. the only person who knows is madi, she’s another one of mine and the triplets friends, i’m pretty close with her, but definitely not as close as i am with chris. i wish i could tell nick or matt about my crush but they might get super mad.

we arrive at the meeting and madi sits next to me. “sooo, how was the car ride with your boyfriendddd” madi said in a mocking voice, giggling. i shush her and say “he isn’t my boyfriend,stop! pay attention to the meeting.” while laughing. madi laughs and just directs her attention back to everybody else.

we finished the meeting and now heading back to the triplets house, chris sat in the front on the way back and i was kinda sad. we invited madi to come over but she was busy. i was pretty bummed until i got a text from her.

madz🤍

chris was staring at you, like the whole meeting girl.👀

y/n💗

ugh stop feeding into my delusions😥 no he was nottt!

madz🤍

i’m literally not kidding, i wish i had a pic

y/n💗… is typing

stop because i’ll scream bu-

my typing was interrupted by my phone getting snatched out of my hands. “hey, who ya texting, they got you smiling all goofy” chris said while taking my phone. “STOP GIVE IT BACK.” i said trying my best to lean forward so i could reach him in the front seat. but he was holding it too far away.

[erial-c]

my top ten redacted boys (because i am but a bandwagoner of trends)

1. sam - took me a bit to like him ( haven't even finished his playlist yet) but god his character hurts me, he and darlin have gone through so much shit . the video talking about the future with your vampire mate basically sealed the deal on him being my favorite character, and after reading one of the bright eyes series transcripts, it makes me even more interested in his character . (and his southern accent may or may not have awakened something in me)

2. avior - is it obvious i like tragic characters yet . his series is one of the first ones i've listened to fully, and the chokehold that the plot twist had on me was insane . the realization that he had loved starlight so much that he deus ex machina'd them out of the hellscape, and then was silently YEARNING when they were pulled back . i was sobbing you don't understand officer. also love his early sarcastic personality (despite it being a facade) and his constant need to wax poetic, i wish we still saw a little bit of that in his newer audios though

3. guy - ohh the love of my life . the only comfort character ever . babygirl . he does exude millennial cringe sometimes but i can gloss over all that because i love him  🫶🫶🫶 also love his dynamic with honey they r so cute together . his flashback audio is so good AUGGHH the tension . personal favorite audio of him though is his first sick video , because i am THE guy angst enthusiast and it's the closest i'll ever get to it . he is sooo silly idc i always binge his playlist when i can't sleep (ironically i always listen to the one where he attempts to help honey sleep and it works 🫶)

4. lasko - babygirl #2 🤞🤞🤞 love him he is just an overall sweet character . i've also said this before but, him being labelled early on as submissive irked me because i usually found those character tropes annoying and they tended to be infantilized . but the thing is with lasko its not his entire characterization , he's still a very good professor at the academy and ughhhqhh i know how 2explain it i jst love him (also. his slip up in the hot boi summer audio. he is freaky .)

5. geordi - his and cutie's story is so interesting . i love their storyline so much even if it hurts to listen to the audios . they're both flawed characters in a relationship but they're still taking the necessary steps to be better. additionally, while i definitely don't stand for the shit cutie did, i can relate to them in the sense of needing to know what people are thinking to function properly, which is probably another reason why geordi and his storyline hits so close to my heart . (is that corny. maybe)

6. asher - one of the reasons im in the fandom tbh !! he's one of the first characters i got into, specifically his valenweek flashback audio i ate that shit up . . i don't listen to him that much now but still !!! i owe me being here to his character lol

7. hush - creature/babygirl . i was kinda intimidated to listen to his playlist (for god's sake his title is "mysterious stranger") but ohhhh i love him he is so strange. tying doc up in one video and then asking them to hold his hand a few videos later??? love that . him showing up in carpe deus and fucking wrecking vega kinda sealed it for me . love theorizing about him too, if that's not obvious 🫶

8. porter - when i heard the voice that this character had. i can't even explain to you what my reaction was . he's such a fucking diva i love it so much , this guy is like 80% snark, and he just fucks with vincent for no reason .(when he said he was gonna bring treasure to the summit but didn't 😭) he's also so interesting . while ya he was sent to go to the summit and assassinate a clan king (which he succeeded in) he told sweetheart about the bennets discussing their partnership with closeknit so they could get necessary info, he provided an alibi for vincent, he also stopped grilling sam when darlin told him to . (also his 2nd video with treasure . killed me tbh)

9. marcus - not proud to admit that marcus is the first character i came across on erik's channel . marcus is weirdo number 1 (derogatory) and i just find his storyline so interesting. yeah its sad why he did what he did, but overall he knew what he was doing , he fucked everyone else over, and compromised a project, of which the failure could mean life and death, just because he wanted to get freaky with the robot . his obsession and little impulse control being overrun by the asset's obsession with him. GOD . . the satisfaction i felt when he was taken away 🫶

10. caller - weirdo (compliment) . again as a horror enthusiast i love this guy . he's like ghostface but if ghostface could phase through walls/was already in your house (and also weird and obsessive) . his audio made me have the same reaction when watching horror content : "holy shit i love this but also i hate this" 10/10 . he's only last because he has one (1) video . 💔

honorable mention:

gavin - GAVIN LOVE OF MY LIFFEEEE . i really did wanna put him on my list but i haven't listened to the freelancer series properly yet!!!! this is not a matter of him being my least favorite but rather not knowing much about him in depth yet !!!!

[the-copycat-hero]

oh that quirk awakening au angst,, monomas really stuck between a rock and a hard place here. Unforgiving public opinion on one side, and a government ready to take advantage of him on the other. no easy nor good way out.

anyways im gonna make it worse

because the hpsc are the ones that give out the hero licenses, theyre also the ones who can take them away. And they make sure that monoma is well aware of that fact. That in itself is bad enough, but he knows that if he doesnt do what they want, hed never be able to see his friends again. After all, contact with a wanted person is reason enough to strip them of their hero statuses as well, and hed never be able to forgive himself if he took his family friends down with him.

this kicked my ASS

you are 100% correct. the HPSC never outright threatens Monoma—they have to maintain some semblance of deniability—but they do make "suggestions." he has such a unique and potentially dangerous ability. if he isn't willing to do anything in his power to get it under control, then maybe he isn't suited for hero work after all, you know? the current restrictions might not be enough. maybe the public would be better off if his license were revoked until he can pull himself together.

and if Monoma continues to resist the HPSC's attempts to help him, then it would only be natural for them to question where his loyalties lie. after all, why wouldn’t he want to control such a powerful quirk? maybe he’s not just unsuited for hero work—maybe he’s hiding something. doesn’t he want to protect people? or is there another reason he’s unwilling to push [Copy] to its full potential? if Monoma really isn't willing to work with them, then the HPSC has no choice but to assume that it's because he has some sort of ulterior motive. and, were that the case, it would be their moral obligation to take him—and any of his closest associates—in for questioning.

(the idea that he might be labeled a villain and drag his friends down with them does a lot to keep Monoma in line.)

of course, then there's the subtler, more chilling suggestions. for example, if Monoma is struggling to awaken a quirk to save himself, the HPSC suggests that it may help to give him some more personal motivation. it would be unfortunate if someone he cared about were caught in a situation that only he could prevent, wouldn't it? surely then, Monoma would find a way to push beyond his limits and manifest the next awakening.

[builtbybrokenbells]

Spitfire | vii

After days of radio silence, a heartbroken y/n makes an attempt to find comfort in the closest thing to Jake; his twin brother. Josh works his magic and manages to penetrate the tough exterior she’d been building since the big blowout. She questions her own heartbreak enough to jump on a plane to Atlanta, realizing that ending things so abruptly may have caused herself more hurt than good

Read part six here

Read part eight here

Pairing: Jake Kiszka x f!reader

Word Count: 7.6k

Warnings: sadness/depression, insecurity, anxiety, breakup talk, unhealthy coping mechanisms, long emotional talks, smoking (marijuana), crying, angst, fluff, sorry if i miss any!

howdy. i am so happy to be here again with y’all. i’ve been writing this fic steadily since I released the last chapter, and it’s gotten pretty long, so I had to split this one in half! im getting so excited for the end of this just so i can wrap it up and everyone can be happy 🤩 there’s gonna be one more after this so there’s some more fluffy smuttiness to end this saga on a high note. thanks for the support thus far, and sorry for the drama in the last chapter 😞 i promise it doesn’t last too long and it is completely cleared up in this one! as always, enjoy, be kind, and don’t mind any grammar mistakes!!

~

The days passed slowly, dwindling down into one big, long, never ending cycle. Your clothes were piling up in the laundry basket, there were empty fast food bags littering you floor, and the steady stream of unanswered texts and calls seemed to never stop. It was nearing a week since the ‘Twitter incident’ (which was the only was it was allowed to be referred to) happened, and you hadn’t broken the radio silence with Jake yet. He never gave up, though. Through everything, you did have to admire his persistence. It was the day you were originally set to fly to Atlanta, and it was taking every ounce of your strength to not tear up the plane ticket and throw it in the garbage.

Jake’s name was a taboo subject in the house, and your friends knew that. When you had taken almost permanent refuge in your bed, they had practically given up hope that the situation would ever resolve. You rarely left your room unless it was to use the washroom or grab a food delivery from the front door. Your laptop remained in your bed and you worked from there. Hiding away was easier than facing the hard conversations, you decided. You were heartbroken, definitely, but more angry at yourself that you couldn’t get over your fear and just answer his phone calls, even just to end things maturely. You’d convinced yourself it was easier to end things on a what-if, rather than a certainty.

All of the items Jake gifted you were neatly placed on your desk, his sweater on the bottom and his cologne on top. The small box containing the ring was loudly laying next to it, and the plane ticket in the envelope was gently resting at the top of the pile. You had no idea what to do with them. The sight of them alone made your stomach turn. You wanted to throw them all in the trash, or burn them, just so you never had to see them again, but there was a bigger part of you that wanted to put the sweater back on and remember him for a little while. It was a hateful battle you were fighting with yourself, and there seemed to be no end in sight. You wanted to feel close to him, but you didn’t want to think about him. You wanted to love him, but every part of your body was holding you back.

Your end of day meeting wrapped up and you closed your laptop, wondering if you would be able to get some shut eye. You were teetering between not sleeping at all and sleeping only when you shouldn’t be. As you shoved the computer to the side and turned towards the wall, you reached to the corner of the bed and pulled a pillow into your chest. It was a much neglected one, lost and forgotten in the mess of all of the others. When you buried your head into the pillowcase, your breath caught in your throat. The scent was familiar, but extremely faint. Even so, you’d recognize it anywhere. The ever so subtle hint of his shampoo dusted with the remanence of his cologne felt like a punch in the stomach. You wanted to throw it away, to get rid of it completely, but your arms wouldn’t let go. The longer you breathed it in, the more the tension left your body. Your eyes fluttered shut, feeling more comfort than you had in days.

A little while later, you woke up to the sun setting outside of your window. The golden glow cast a peaceful aura over the otherwise gloomy room. You stretched, taking in a deep breath before rubbing the sleep from your eyes. You were stiff and beyond sore from laying in bed so much. The blankets were tangled around you and your head felt a little bit clearer; it had been a few days since you’d gotten any amount of sleep that was actually restful. Unwillingly, you hauled yourself out of the bed. You found your cigarette pack and pulled out a joint, placing it between your lips. You figured that you’d be able to get some more sleep under the right circumstance.

You hoisted yourself up on the deep windowsill, swinging your legs up and resting your back against the wood. You slid the window open, feeling the fresh air hit you in the face. You let out a sigh of relief, enjoying the moment of clarity. You lit the end of the joint after you popped the screen off the window. You let your hand rest outside, trying your best to keep the smell minimal. You pulled your phone from your pocket, clicking the screen on and checking the time. Before you put it away, you attention was grabbed by your last received text message.

Twin Rockstar

Please call me, mama. I won’t tell Jake I was talking to you. Just want to hear your voice.

A feeling of guilt ran through you. You were so caught up in how you were feeling about Jake that it clouded over the love you had for his brothers. You stared at the message until the joint was burnt out, unsure of what to do. In a moment of irrationality, you clicked on his contact and hovered over the call button. After a second, you found the confidence to hit dial. It rang once, and your stomach churned with uncertainty. It rang twice, and you debated hanging up. When it rang the third time, you didn’t have time to doubt yourself, because he had answered.

“Y/n?” He breathed. You were frozen, unsure of how to respond.

“H-hi,” you eventually mustered, realizing how scratchy your voice sounded. A week of barely talking and smoking like a chimney had done your vocal cords no good.

“I can’t believe you called.” He said, sounding a bit exasperated. “I was expecting you to ignore me forever. I didn’t really plan out what I was going to say.” He gave a nervous chuckle. You weren’t sure how to respond. “Can you FaceTime me? It’s just me in my room, I promise.”

“I don’t look very presentable,” you mumbled. Josh’s heart was breaking at your sullen tone. You sounded like you barely had any life left in you.

“I think you’re beautiful no matter what.” He said. Within a second, he requested the video call. You accepted, heart aching at the sight of his face. You never realized how much he looked like his brother until now. He took in your features, the dark circles encasing your under eyes, the paleness of your skin, the bloodshot eyes. “I miss you, mama.” He said, finally. He knew better than to bring anything else up, scared it might make you end the call.

“I miss you, too.” You admitted, feeling a lump forming in your throat. “I’m uh, not sure what to say, either. Just called because I wanted to hear your voice, too, I guess.”

“That’s okay. I’m just happy you did.” He said. He was sitting on the edge of his hotel bed, holding the phone up so you could see the background slightly.

“Are you…” you trailed off, not knowing the best way to approach any conversation. “Are you in Atlanta, now?” Your voice cracked a bit as you spoke, but you cleared your throat to cover it up.

“Yeah, we got here earlier today.” He informed you. You gave a small nod. “You know, that invitation is still there.” He whispered. Your heart sped at the mention of your ticket. “It can just be me and you, we can hang out for a few days. You don’t even have to come to the show.” He explained. “Even though everything happened, you’re still my friend. I think so, at least.”

“Of course we are, Josh.” You assured him. There was no doubt in your mind that you loved him. “I just couldn’t do that to Jake.” Even as you willingly spoke his name, your heart ached. “I’d never use the ticket he bought for me and not tell him.” Josh gave a solemn nod. “Uh… how is he? Jake, I mean. I just-you know what? Never mind.” You let out a small laugh at your own stupidity. You weren’t even sure if you wanted to know.

“How is Jake?” Josh let out a chuckle, pondering his answer to the question. “Um, well, he’s pretty much unbearable to be around.” Josh said as nicely as he could. “Not very good, if I had to guess. He’s always angry, showing up late to everything and barely participating, and he doesn’t really speak to us unless he has to. He broke a string on his guitar during soundcheck earlier and just… left. Haven’t seen him since.”

“Oh,” you whispered.

“I’m not going to sit here and throw a pity party for him. I’m not gonna force you to talk to him, either. But he is miserable, and we have no idea what to do about it. It’s not your fault, though. Don’t think I’m blaming you, please.”

“It kind of is, isn’t it?” You posed the rhetorical question. “I mean, yeah, he broke my heart, but I broke his, too.”

“I don’t think any hearts were broken intentionally.” He corrected. You didn’t answer, only watched his face with a hint of sadness growing inside you.

“You guys really are twins,” you noted, talking more to yourself. He gave a small smile. “I miss him. A lot.” You finally admitted. “And that’s not like me. I don’t know what happened that day, and a huge part of me doesn’t really want to know. But there’s also this hole in my heart that I just can’t seem to fill. I’ve always been so good at shutting people out, and moving on as if they never mattered to me in the first place. I hate being love and I hate being vulnerable, but I almost miss it, now. He made it seem less than horrible.” Your voice was dangerously quiet.

“Do you still want to be with him?” He questioned. Your eyes fell to the window again, hoping to avoid his gaze.

“Yeah.” You sighed. “I’m just… terrified. Like absolutely fucking terrified. Falling for him was so easy. I don’t think I’ll ever feel this way for someone ever again. But, that also means he has the power to hurt me more than anyone else in the world. If he decided to get up and leave one day, he just walks away unscathed, and I lose a whole part of me. I don’t like that feeling. It scares the shit out of me.” You picked at a hangnail on your finger, too nervous to look up at him. “If you couldn’t tell, I hate depending on people for anything.”

“But you don’t have to depend on him, mama. You were happy before he came along, and you were happy when you guys were together. You didn’t start dating him because you were searching for happiness, but because you wanted to make him a part of your happiness.” You were mad, because you knew he was right. You hated nothing more than someone speaking reason while you were hurting. “As for the hurting you part, I know he already did. I know that it was not intentional, but he still did, and you’re allowed to be upset about it. I also know that he would never be stupid enough to hurt you again, because he’s really paying for it, now. You don’t have to be scared of him, because only thing he wants to do is love you.” You felt tears sting your eyes. “I’ve been by Jakes side his entire life. I’ve seen every girlfriend, fling, breakup and make-up. Nobody in the world has ever compared to you. I can see it just in the way he looks at you, or when he talks to you. If you want to love him, then do it. Don’t hold yourself back because you’re scared. We’re all scared of something, but all it does is ruin the chance of something fantastic.” You thought about what he said, clinging on to every word.

“He didn’t cheat on me, did he?” You seemed to already know the answer as you asked the question.

“No, he didn’t. If he did, I would have killed him, myself.” You couldn’t help but laugh.

“So in short, I just overreacted and ruined everything.”

“No, I wouldn’t say that. The internet is crazy, and it’s great at spreading rumours. If you’ve been hurt like that before, I can see why you were upset. Didn’t help that he forgot to tell you where he was or what he was doing. But it was innocent, and if you’ll let him, that’s his responsibility to explain what happened.” He said. You felt a bit of relief after days of misery. You were a bit angry with yourself for being so stubborn and not talking to him sooner.

“I think maybe I just wanted an excuse to run. I’m really good at that. It’s all I’ve done my whole life.” You admitted. “Commitment was never my thing. The only times I ever let myself get involved with someone, it ended terribly. Guess I was subconsciously trying to avoid an even bigger blowout.”

“We can always change, y/n. I’m not telling you to do anything. I just hope I’m helping make your decision a little easier. If you want to come to Atlanta, you’re more than welcome. Even if it’s to scream at him, or for closure, or even to propose to him. It wouldn’t matter. He’d just be happy you showed up. My opinion of you doesn’t change. It would suck if you didn’t get back together with him, because you’d be a super cool sister-in-law, but that’s your choice.” You both let out a laugh. “I won’t tell him we talked. I’m just happy to hear from you.”

“Thanks for listening, Josh. I know he’s your brother, and nothing will ever come between that. I’m just glad you don’t hate me on his behalf.”

“Come on, now. Do you really think I’d ever hate you? Fuck, he doesn’t hate you, either. I know he sits in his room every night and waits for you to call. Kinda sad, if you ask me.” You chuckled. “He wants to fix this. If you want to, too, all you have to do is say the words.” He assured you.

“Okay,” you breathed. “I have some heavy thinking to do.”

“Seems so, mama. Want me to leave you to it?” You knew it was probably for the best, but you didn’t want him to hang up. You missed him, even if you’d been actively avoiding him. He also reminded you of Jake, and in some sad way, it was the most comfort you’d felt in days. “I don’t have to, if you don’t want me to.”

“No, it’s okay. I won’t keep you and make you listen to my problems any longer.” You joked.

“It’s a pleasure to listen to your problems. I missed you.”

“Yeah, yeah, I missed you, too.” You smiled. “Thanks, Josh.”

“Anytime. Don’t disappear on me again, okay?” He scolded. You nodded. “And maybe I’ll see you in a few hours?” A hopeful gleam appeared in his eyes.

“Bye, Josh.” You chuckled. You wanted to answer, but you weren’t sure what to tell him. You didn’t want to get his hopes up for no reason.

“Bye, y/n. Love you.” He said as he hung up. You were left alone again, but you felt better about it than you had in a long time. You popped the screen back on your window and shut it tightly before you jumped down from the windowsill. You looked down at your phone again, seeing a new message from Jake. You read as much as you could from the notification bar, not feeling courageous enough to open it fully. But, you knew what you had to do. As afraid as you were, you couldn’t ignore Jake forever. Even if you both talked it over and went separate ways, it was better than leaving things as they were. You knew you were pushing it if you were going to make the flight, so you got ready as fast as you could.

You set your cell down beside the Jake’s sweatshirt on your desk, abandoning it for the time being. You pulled some jeans and an old sweatshirt from your closet, making your way to the bathroom. You clicked the lock behind you, studying your reflection in the mirror. You looked horrible, borderline sickly. Instead of focusing on that, you flipped the faucet of the shower on. You rid yourself of your dirty clothes, jumping in and quickly washing off the days worth of despair. When you got out, you dried off and dressed yourself. You threw on a splash of makeup, mostly just to cover the dark circles and give your skin a bit more life.

You blow dried your hair, brushing it out and styling it a bit. When you finished, you returned to your room and grabbed the card Jake had given you. You flipped it open, grabbing the ticket and shoving it in your wallet. You packed a small bag, throwing Jake’s sweater in on top of everything. You snapped open the box holding the ring and slipped it back on your finger. In a real moment of weakness, you took the cap off the cologne bottle and sprayed a single spritz on the front of your sweater. The scent surrounded you like a warm embrace on a cold day. You placed it back down and gathered your chargers, throwing them in a carry on. You packed your laptop and checked the time on your phone again.

You had an hour to get to the airport if you were going to make the flight. Jake had booked you a evening flight, allowing you some wiggle room after work. You were so thankful he did, because if not, you’d have already missed it. You slung your bags over your shoulder, quickly checking your pockets to make sure you had everything important, and walked out to the living room. When you reached the main room, Ally and Eve were sitting on the couch watching a movie. When they looked up at you, their eyes widened.

“Can one of you drive me to the airport?” You asked.

“Yeah,” Eve was on her feet faster than she could answer. Ally stood, wanting to go on the trip, too. They followed you to the door and you all filed into Eve’s car. You threw your bags in the trunk before you settled in the front seat and buckled your seatbelt. Music softly played over the speakers, filling the awkward silence as the car pulled out of the driveway. “So…” Eve trailed off.

“I know,” you sighed. “You both told me I should go. I’m stubborn and heartbroken, but you were right. I have to go, even if it’s just for closure and to give him all of his shit back.”

“That’s okay. No matter how it goes, you know we have your back.” Eve said, never taking her eyes off the road.

“M’sorry I’ve been so insufferable.” You apologized, looking out the window at the street signs passing by.

“You haven’t been that bad, really. You mostly just stay in your room. We’ve been worried about you more than anything else. I’m just happy you’re feeling better.”

“Well, that’s relative.” You chuckled. “I’ll give you a better answer about that in a few hours.” She nodded. You pulled out your phone, pulling up Josh’s contact again. You dialled his number, only hearing the phone ring for a second before he picked up.

“Missed me so much you had to call me again?” He teased.

“Seems like you missed me. You answered awful fast.” You replied, feeling a touch of your personality making its way back. “Listen, can you do me a favour?”

“Depends on what it is.”

“Meet me at the airport?” You asked, incredibly hopeful. “I should be there around 11.”

“Really?” His tone was completely different, now, excitement radiating through the phone call.

“Yeah.” You said, a smile breaking out on your face. “Don’t tell Jake, please. I just… I want to talk to him in person, and I don’t want him to put any walls up before I get there. I know I would, so…” you trailed off.

“I’ll be there. Secret stays between us. I can’t wait to see you.”

“Me, either. I’ll see you soon.” You promised.

“See you soon. Have a safe flight.” He said. You ended the call, looking over to your best friend. She was trying to hide it, but a smile was eating away at her face. The rest of the drive went by almost silently. When the car pulled into the drop-off lane, Eve turned to look at you. She reached over, placing a hand on top of yours, giving it a gentle squeeze.

“I’m proud of you.” She whispered.

“Thank you.” And you meant it. It was extraordinarily hard for you to face an issue like this. It was extraordinarily hard for you to realize that you loved him enough to want to work things out instead of disappear. You got out of the car, them following close behind. You grabbed your stuff out of the trunk and turned to face the two girls. “I love you guys. I may be back tomorrow, maybe in a couple days… who knows.” You gave a nervous chuckle.

“Whenever you do, we’ll be here.” Ally said. A soft smile formed on your lips.

“Let us know when you’re there safe, and call if you need anything. Even if it’s just to scream.” Eve chuckled. You gave them both a hug, holding on a bit tighter than usual.

“See you guys later. Thank you for everything.” You said before you turned. You didn’t let yourself look back at them, scared that you wouldn’t get on plane if you did. Once you were through the main doors, checked in and got your boarding pass. Then, you went straight to baggage, dropping your stuff off. When you went through security, they gave you no issues. You located the gate with ease, having been here a fair few times in the last few years.

You were right on time; had you waited any longer, you likely would have missed the flight. When you boarded, you took your seat and kept your backpack close to you. You pulled out your headphones, giving Josh a quick message telling him you would be leaving in a few moments before putting your phone on airplane mode. You turned on a playlist, pulling your notebook out. The flight attendant came by, checking in on you before takeoff. You asked for a coffee, hoping to be as wide awake as possible when you got there. It didn’t take long for the announcement of takeoff. You sipped on your drink, watching the sky through the window as the earth disappeared.

When you were in the air, you pulled down the tray table from the seat in front of you, setting your notebook down and opening it to your last worked on page. You figured if you had some free time, you could at least get an early start on your work.

You stared hard at your hand drawn chart, grabbing a few highlighters from your pencil case. You highlighted the curve overlaps from hypoglycaemic heart rates and voltage levels, then did the same with the hyperglycaemic measurements. Below, you made notes of the correlation and began the treacherous journey of attempting an equation to describe the relationship. Four pages of numbers and scribbles later, you were brought back to reality by the loudspeaker announcing the plane was prepared to land. The night sky was pitch black, a luminescent glow underneath the clouds from the city lights. You packed all of your things back in your bag, assuring yourself you’d get back to it later.

When the plane came to a halt, all of the passengers were given instructions on how to exit and claim their baggage. You took your headphones out, stuffing them in your pocket, standing while you did so. When you got off, you immediately looked around for a familiar face. When you didn’t see one, you made a move to grab your suitcase. You took your things and went to the main lobby, searching around like a lost puppy. You felt your hope fizzle away when you couldn’t locate Josh. Your heart sped, your brain immediately trying to convince you that you should turn around and go home, that showing up was a terrible idea and Jake wouldn’t want to speak with you. You were plagued with the worst thought of all; Jake really had done the unforgivable, and you were walking into your own grave.

You were shaken from your nervousness when you heard your nickname being called, one you hadn’t heard in days. The one that only sounded right coming out of Jake’s mouth. You looked up, eyes immediately falling on the boy you’d been looking for. A grin was plastered on his face, and he was holding his arms out to you. In lieu of embarrassment, you ran towards him and practically fell into his arms. He held on to you tightly, never wanting to let go. “Hey, mama.” Josh whispered. You didn’t reply, only soaked up the emotion from the hug. Once again, you hated how similar the twins were. If you only felt the hug, you could have sworn it was Jake, especially after going so long without his touch. “How was the flight?” He asked as he pulled away.

“I actually didn’t even realize we were about to land. Got working on my research again, just kind of got caught up, I guess.” You laughed.

“You tired?” He asked, looking over your face. You shook your head.

“No, I actually took a nap before I called you, earlier. Plus they had free coffee refills the whole flight.” He smiled, making a move to grab your bag for you. You attempted to stop him, but he gave you a look of warning. You rolled your eyes but let him take them, anyway. He nodded his head towards the door, signalling that he’d take you back to the hotel. You both left together, opting against any more shared words. He led you to a car, throwing the bags in the backseat before opening the door for you.

“Our rent-a-car for the next few days.” He said, cheerily. You had a hard time feeling so glum around him. He just produced an aura of peace without even trying. He always seemed to know how to cheer you up. You got in, immediately surrounded by the warmth of the interior. You relaxed into the leather seat, finding it much more comfortable than the airplane seats. He got in, too, starting the car with a push of a button. He pulled out of the parking lot, looking over at you through the corner of his eye. “How are you feeling?”

“Uh, nervous.” You chuckled. “Very nervous.”

“Don’t be. I promise you guys will cry for a little while and then it’ll be all sunshine and rainbows.” He smirked. You gave a small smile, unsure of how to answer. “If that’s what you want.” He interjected quickly. “If you want, you can punch him in the face.” He mimicked the action, making you laugh. “Just don’t bruise it too bad, he still has to get on stage tomorrow.”

“Can’t make any promises.” You joked. The drive was filled with silence until he pulled into the parking lot of the hotel. Your palms were sweaty, and you were scared you wouldn’t be able to force yourself to go inside. Josh parked the car, shutting off the engine and sat with you while you worked up the nerve to get out.

“You want me to bring your bags to my room just in case?” He asked. You nodded.

“That would be nice, yeah.” You choked out.

“I promise it’s gonna be okay. I’ll be right next door if anything happens. You know you have a bed to sleep in, if you want it.” He assured you. “Jakes going to be ecstatic to see you, if that’s what you’re worrying about. You could probably go up there and spit in his face and he’d say thank you.” You let out a small laugh. “Now come on, they’re no better time than now.” He reached over and pulled you into an awkward hug. You shifted, making it a little easier to return the gesture. You took a few more moments of self-reflection before letting out a long exhale and stepping outside.

Josh collected your things from the car, following behind you as you approached the building. You entered the main doors, admiring the lobby before being greeted by the worker at the front desk. You gave her a sheepish smile as Josh walked up beside you. He guided you to the elevator, ushering you inside and clicking the button for their floor.

The elevator ride seemed to be the longest one you’d ever endured. When the ding signified that the destination was reached, Josh practically had to coax you out with him. He brought you down to the end of the hallway, pointing to a door. Your eyes fell to where he was motioning. “This is it.” He whispered, giving you a reassuring pat on the back. “I’ll be right next door if you need me.”

“Okay,” you squeaked, never turning to look at him. Your eyes were glued to the door separating you and Jake.

“You’ve got this.” He assured you, keying into his hotel room. The door fell shut behind him with a dull thud, leaving you alone with your own thoughts. You wanted to run, to hide and pretend you’d never come in the first place. You were certain that if you did, you may never forgive yourself. If you ran away now and lost Jake forever, you would be miserable. You had to know for sure if you were ever going to move on.

So, you gathered up the nerve to knock. It was way more powerful than you intended. You thought that maybe you hyped yourself up a bit too much. “Fuck off,” a muffled voice sounded from the room. You rolled your eyes and knocked again. He didn’t answer, no sign of movement in the slightest. You sighed, hitting your knuckles against the door once more. Finally, you heard a slur of curse words and a few angry footsteps. When the door swung open, you could’ve fallen to your knees.

He was paler than usual, and his hair was a bit messy. He smelled like whiskey and he was wearing clothes that looked very well worn. But he was just as beautiful as you remembered, and his eyes were just as captivating.

“Hi, rockstar.” He opened his mouth to speak, but quickly shut it. He repeated the action a few times before he could produce a sound.

“Y/n,” he breathed, almost as if you were a figment of his imagination. “Can I… can I hug you?” He asked after a few moments of a staring contest. You gave a slight nod, holding your arms out. Without any hesitation, he bounced forward and wrapped himself around you, picking you up and holding you tightly. All of the emotion he’d been holding back was all coming out, now. His head was buried in your neck, breathing in the smell of your shampoo. When he set you back down, he took your face in his hands, studying your features like he had to get to know you all over again.

“I thought you… yeah.” He didn’t have to finish what he wanted to say, too scared for the answer. You shook your head.

“I was hoping that maybe we could talk,” you explained “I would really like to figure this out.”

“Yes, please. I’d like that, too.” He scrambled to the side, motioning for you to come inside. You did so, a bit of hesitancy in your step. When you were inside the room, he shut the door behind you, but didn’t approach. You stared at each other in silence, both unsure of how to begin to process the whole situation. “Did you wanna sit down, maybe?” He asked, finally stepping forward. You nodded your head, looking towards the bed. The blankets were a mess, there were clothes on the floor and a bottle of liquor on his bedside. When you approached the bed, you noticed his phone screen was on and open to your contact. You were certain he never closed it due to the amount of calls and texts you’d gotten from him.

You took a seat on the edge of the mattress while he made his way over. He picked up the mess of clothes and threw them in a neater pile by his bag at the end of the bed frame. He took a seat next to you, leaving enough space between you to make sure you were comfortable. “I’m sorry.” He spoke first. You shook your head, stopping him before he continued.

“I don’t want to hear any apologies.” You said, firmly. “To me, that only makes it seem like you have something to be guilty about.”

“Well, I do, but I don’t think it’s what you’ve been worried about.” He explained. “I didn’t think you were going to come.”

“Neither did I,” you gave a small chuckle. “Josh caught me in a particularly weak moment and I talked to him for a while. I think he helped put some things into perspective.”

“He’s got a way with words.” Jake reasoned.

“That he does.” You agreed. “I’ll decide if I hate him for it after we’re done talking.” He smiled at the joke. It was small, but even so, it looked so beautiful on his lips. Your chest ached at the sight, the melancholy finally setting in. “I want to say sorry, too, I think. I shouldn’t have just disappeared like that. It was pretty childish.” He gave a shrug, choosing not to input on the statement.

“Why didn’t you answer? Like at all. You could have told me to fuck off, and I would have been fine with it, but just… radio silence.” He mumbled.

“I was scared. Still am.” A small, humourless laugh fell from your lips. “I’m a runner. That’s what I do. I did it the night I met you, and I did it all week, and I think I still want to, now.”

“From what? I know I hurt you, and I can’t take that back, but you ran without an explanation.” You slowly nodded along to his words, your eyes falling to the floor, no longer able to look at his face.

“Yeah.” You replied. “Love terrifies me. I told you way back in the beginning that I wasn’t interested in any more relationships. The last one was really bad. I decided to give you a chance, but it wasn’t really my choice. I fell for you super fast, and then I saw… whatever that was, and I panicked. I tried to cut you out completely because I didn’t want to get hurt again. Turns out, it hurts either way, and there’s no way I could ever forget you.” You barely spoke the last part, afraid to say it out loud. “I think it was my cop out. I always look for an excuse to leave. I convince myself that running when things get tough is a way to save myself from getting hurt even more later on. Cut people out completely and act like it never happened. It’s a pretty vicious cycle.” His eyes were sad at your statement, feeling guilty for even making you think he would treat you like anyone before him.

“I promised I would never treat you like those other people did,” he reminded you “and I didn’t break it, either. Do you really think I’d do that to you?” His question was innocent, laced with curiosity, but you took the defence.

“I don’t know, Jake!” You blurted. “I feel like I know you pretty well, but I haven’t known you for that long. I don’t think you would, but I didn’t hear from you at all and suddenly the internet was buzzing about Jake Kiszka’s new girlfriend! I know I was a bit irrational, but all I could think was the worst! You’re the big rockstar, you travel the world and meet gorgeous women every day, ones that I could never compare to. I don’t know if you give the same story to a new girl in every city, and I feel so fucking stupid for thinking some insignificant girl in Baltimore could give you what you need. We dated for a month and I’ve only seen you three times! What kind of relationship is that?”

“Hold on,” he stopped you, moving closer. He grabbed your chin in his hand and guided you to look at him. “Your rockstar.” He whispered, eyes telling you more than his words ever could. “You’ve got it backwards. There’s no woman in the world that would ever compare to you. You had me wrapped around you finger the minute I met you. You’re the only girl in any city who’s ever gotten that story, and the only one who ever will. I’ve never felt this way about anybody, ever. You can’t be that blind to think you’re insignificant, y/n, especially to me. Even if I’ve only known you for a little while, you’ve become my whole world. Every word I’ve ever said to you, I meant it.” You felt the dreaded tears fill your eyes again, feeling stupid for a whole different reason. He wiped away a teardrop as it fell. “I don’t need to know you for a lifetime, or see you every day to know that I want you and I love you. You give me the world just by existing. I’ve known plenty of people, some for my whole life, but nobody knows me like you do. You listen to me talk about things nobody has ever cared to ask me about before, and you always seem overjoyed to hear it. It took me all of twenty minutes to fall for you at that bar, and I haven’t looked at anyone ever since, and I don’t plan on looking for anyone else ever again. If that’s what you’re scared of, you have nothing to worry about.” You couldn’t contain the waterfalls pouring down your cheeks. It was crazy how you’d only been with him for a few moments, but the week-long hurt suddenly seemed nonexistent. You hated to admit it, especially considering the fear of dependency, but a lot of what you needed to feel better was just simple reassurance. Reassurance that he loved you, and he wanted you, and not anyone else he was meeting along the way.

“Been waiting a while to say that?” You managed out through your cries. He laughed, admiring your ability to joke even if you were hurting. He wiped your cheeks again, looking over your face and finally feeling a shred of peace.

“Yeah, actually.” He chuckled. You reached out and ran your thumb over his cheek, allowing yourself to enjoy his presence. He leaned into the touch, showing you how much he missed it. “I’ll say it again if you want me to.” He assured you. Your thumb swooped down, outlining his jaw and then ran over his bottom lip. He pressed a kiss to it, making your heart flutter.

“That’s okay. I don’t think I’ll ever forget it, this time.” You breathed.

“As for the pictures, I can genuinely explain that, if you’ll let me.” You watched him carefully, scanning his face for a second.

“Okay,”

“By the time I woke up, I figured you were already working. I didn’t want to distract you from your very important and impressive internship.” He said, causing an eye roll from you.

“Flattery will get you nowhere, Jacob.” You reminded. He chuckled.

“I know, but I like to flatter you, anyway.” He admitted. “I know when I was talking to you the day before, you were working, and I definitely stopped your productivity. I know you’d never admit it, but I’m a better distraction than I am a help.”

“You’ve never been a distraction, rockstar.” You told him the truth. Not once had you ever felt that way about him. He gave a shrug.

“I went to get coffee and to check out the town a bit, cause I had the whole day to kill before I could really talk to you. So I found a little shop, reminded me of the one we went to the first time I was in Maryland. Did you know coffee shops are the ultimate place to run into people?” He questioned. You didn’t answer, only waited for him to continue. “As I was leaving, someone called my name. Thought it was a fan, so I turned around expecting a picture and a quick conversation, but it was someone I hadn’t seen in a really long time. My sisters best friend from like, all of grade school. I’ve known her since she was like…” he visually measured the height with his hand, stopping it when it was a few feet above the floor. “That tall.” You felt your stomach sink. “She was always at our house. I haven’t seen her since my sister graduated. Turns out she lives in Atlanta now and has a kid.”

“Jake… I’m so sorry.” You said, feeling incredibly guilty now.

“No, don’t be. I lost track of time and didn’t realize my phone was on silent. We talked for hours, got lunch and she showed me around to her favourite spots in town. Didn’t realize what time it was until she had to pick her kid up from school.” He chuckled. “Also didn’t realize how many people were trying to get ahold of me. By that point, the internet had gotten hold of the pictures of us eating together and her wearing my jacket, and it was too late. But I promise you, that was all it was. I can show you pictures from when we were kids, too, just to show you I’m not lying. I looked for some to show you while I was waiting to hear back from you.”

“No, Jake. I believe you. I’m sorry.” He ran his hand through your hair, shaking his head slowly.

“You were right to be upset. A girl you’ve never heard of wearing my jacket and the internet saying we were dating. I completely get it. If it was the other way around and I saw pictures of you with another guy, I’d probably be pretty upset, too. But y/n, you have to know that I would never do that to you. You mean way too much to me for me to just throw it away like that.” He assured you. “I just wish we talked it out sooner. It has been a terrible fucking week without you.” He was putting it lightly, knowing the days prior were way worse than he was able to explain. “But, I know why, now. And I’m not mad at you, either. It was a shitty situation and we kind of lacked in the communication department. It doesn’t change how I feel about you, and I would still really like to be with you, if that’s what you want, too.” You didn’t respond immediately. Your silence caused anxiety to spike in Jake.

“Yeah, I do want that. I’m sorry I overreacted, and I’m sorry I ran. I thought it would be so easy to cut you off and never speak to you again, because that’s what I usually do, but you’re… different. All of the stuff that usually helps me forget just made me think about you more. I think I’m really in love with you, rockstar, and I don’t think I’ve ever actually been in love before. It’s hard for me to come to terms with, because I know you have the power to take the happiness away if you decide to.”

“That’s okay.” He said, relieved you felt the same way. “We can figure it out together. I feel the same way about you, y/n. You don’t have to worry about me taking anything away from you, because you have that power over me, too.”

“Okay,” you whispered. “I think that would be alright.”

“No more running, please. You’re allowed to leave whenever you want, just don’t disappear on me again. I know long distance can be really hard, but I’ve never wanted to make it work more than I do right now. I’m not going to force you to stay if you ever do choose to leave, but I don’t want to lose you over something small, or something that we can fix.”

“Okay.” You said again, more confident now. “I don’t know how to do this properly, or how to stop being afraid, but I’m willing to try it if it means I get to be loved by you.”

“That’s all I ever want to do, y/n.” He said, pulling you closer to him. He rested his forehead on yours, not wanting to push you too far. “I promised that when you graduated for good, I’d by you whatever house you wanted. I’m going to do whatever I can to make sure that happens.”

“Me, too, Jake.” You felt your bottom lip quiver. “What did you do to me?” You laughed as another wave of tears hit you. “Making me want to settle down and have a nice house and some kids? I’ve never wanted that before in my life.”

“Guess it’s just the Kiszka charm?” He couldn’t help but laugh, too. You both fell into a comfortable silence, just happy to be loving each other again. After a moment, he broke it. “I suppose I can add taming a spitfire to my resume, now, too.”

“Only if I get to brag about enchanting a rockstar.” You both dissolved into a fit of giggles.

“In a true witchy woman fashion.” He sighed, a smile prominent on his lips. “I love you so much.”

“I love you, Jake.” You were so happy to say it out loud again. He pulled you into a kiss, holding you there and savouring the feeling. He hesitated when he parted, not sure if he wanted the moment to end.

“You’re staying, right?” He asked hopefully.

“If you want me to.” You answered, mind still cloudy from the feeling of his lips on you.

“I’d never let you go home if I could get away with it.” He pulled back, settling into the bed a little more. He held his arms out to you, silently telling you to join him. You kicked your shoes off, climbing in next to him.

“This is home.” You whispered.

“A hotel in Atlanta?” He joked while he wrapped his arms around you, pulling you into him. You audibly sighed in relief, realizing the memory of him was nothing compared to the real thing.

“You.” You corrected, relaxing into the warmth of his body. He didn’t answer, only smiled, knowing he felt the exact same way.

TAGLIST: @gvfpal @jakesgrapejuice @hellowgoodbye @ohgodthefeeling-gvf @welllauragvf

[redlollygag]

so im gonna be autistic in your inbox 😁😁😁 < face of someone mentally unwell

SO the biggest appeal of dabihawks is ofc the enemies to lovers trope, first lets look at canon:

theyre enemies plain and simple, they hate each other, its a beautiful show to watch of them absolutely disgusted by the other but forced to interact [ IF ONLY THEY GOT MORE FUCKING SCREENTIME TOGETHER JESUS CHRIST ] anyways its the angst potential, hawks dirtying his hands just to get into the league only to then betray the entire league </3 hawks dirtying his hands just for the sake of the mission for the sake of dabi letting him in because that WAS his only contact so hes the one hes "closest too" dabi the evil motherfuck toying with hawks, making him do all the things he hates and knowing what hawks is truely doing. they hate each other in canon plain and simple they dont care if neither one dies or not. hawks even STILL views endeavor as an equal even after all hes done (whether or not you think its valid is up to you i think that hawks needs a LITTLE MORE TIME AND SPACE to rethink the whole "yeah no enjis cool now hes alright :D" shtick.... personally i hate it i just want him to be a little more..... EYES OPEN to how fucked up endeavor did things even if hes trying to do better now like ?????) canon tropes that could fit are like their divorce, unhealthy co dependency, there was only one bed, acciental first kiss, drunk sex, fuck buddies, rarepair, the whole hero vs villain thing, height difference, flirty and the flustered, oh fuck theyre BOTH messed up, loud and quiet ETC ETC

now heres where the dots connect though through fandom genius. now when dabis first introduced hes blue and emo and firey and dramatic (theatre kid) mentally unwell, tired yet manic, daddy issues supreme, body horror circus party, the whole palooza. we ALL been known, his daddys a top hero who made him a top villain. and now hawks, who was an enigma at first, man too fast for his own good, red, arrogant, laidback, yet serious and calculating, heart of gold underneath all of that dirty work with a like for trashy preppy outfits. at first it was just the enemies to lovers, dabi hates endeavor and heroes, hawks admires him to the sun and is one of the best heros... AND THEN WE GET HAWKS BACK STORY. hawks. hero. raised by a villain. if the red and blue, sun and moon, emo/goth and jock, FLAME AND FEATHERS, if those parallels werent enough the father issues sure will! dabi, hero father made him a villain, hawks, villain father made him a hero. the amount of parallels these two have was fuel for the growing fire.

FIRE IN WHICH IT WAS FANON. fanon dabihawks is BEAUTIFUL. the best and probably only light dabihawks will ever shine in 😀😀😀 < gripping horikoshis neck even thought nothing will happen but angst for these two. slightly shifted canon compliant with some queer writing and spicing up the characters a SMIDGE, making them more fit to how they ACTAULLY ARE (in my very (not) humble opinion horikoshi you dont know your own characters like we do) all of that is the mountain of fanfic tropes. we already have enemies to lovers but add a little bit of that battle for dominance play and sexual tension, heavy flirting and fuck buddies OOO BOY. they play and they bite and hawks is number one pretty boy and charms his way past dabi "probably hasnt been flirted with in his life," OR dabi being the brat and attention seeker he is and pushing hawks buttons before dabi gets put in his place. hawks turned genuine lov member because then thats where he sees the TRUTH. or hawks still killing jin but REGRETS IT TO THE MAX and dabi finds him a little after and hawks begging for forgiveness. the league was his only true family but hes been a hero under the commission for so long that killing him was second nature until he realizes. rehabilitation after the war and dabi being captured and hawks still visiting him wherever dabis being held. if you make them even a LITTLE BIT GAY it literally makes things more tragic than just "lets hate each other even though we're walking parallels"

one very popular and loved aspect is red tailed hawks avian hawks and not just his fierce wings. THIS ADDS TO THE MOUNTAIN. youve got a multitude of bird facts like torpor, nesting, cloacas if youre into that, preening, MATING HABITS. hawks being a spy to the league only to see how open they are to their members quirks. spinner and his lizardness needing warmth and insects and shedding and togas fascination and need for blood ( not quirk reasons shes mentally ill but there are healthy ways to get blood so) hawks seeing the league being accepting open AND welcoming to when we dont see ANY OF THAT in his hero work??? especially with dabis inside knowledge of how shit the hero system is with quirk discrimination??? youve got so much to work with here JUST from the aspect of making hawks a hawk mutant. he likes how shiny dabi is with his staples and piercings, he loves the natural warmth coming from him (even if dabis skin is cold), hawks lowkey loving the smell of blood from dabis scars (bird of prey) dabi helping hawks be open to the more avian side of him, he imprints on him and dabi becomes mate in hawks mind, IN TURN hawks showing dabi that even the most shittiest of origins, you can still do good, hawks knowing full well that quirks sucks (molting season, talon clipping, wing care, the overstimulation of senses like sounds hawks has become numb to) and he coaxs that little burning fire thats still in dabi, that he can still do good (dabi said that killing innocent people drove him mad in a negative way so he doesnt enjoy it) two broken souls from quirk discrimination finding solace even with all the shit hero AND villain society treat them. this leads to, along with those above, hurt comfort, slow burn, mutual healing, mutual pining, sunshine x grump, girlboss and malewife, overly affectionate x touch adverse, old married couple, sacrifices too much x sacrifices too little, romantic virgin x romantic confident, annoyed x annoying, gets into fights x patches them up, OBLIVIOUSNESS TO THE MAX, idiots in love, domestic husbands ETC ETC (and the more kinky spicy aspects when it comes to bird genes and a fire quirk)

what makes them even JUCIER is if you make the commission EVIL. EXACTLY WHAT DABI HATES AND DESPISES. another common trope is to make hawks be lowkey abused by the commission hence the whole child soldier thing but hawks has been living with then his whole life so its like, fine for him. dabi being his savior, dabi showing him the league can be his true family, dabi, a villain, being hawkss hero. hawks, who would get his hands dirty just for the sake of justice, shows dabi true heroes are still alive. hawks being an avian mutant adds to the juice because if it was just hawks with fierce wings well you could paint it as just the child soldier BUT WITH THE HETEROMORPH youve got commission being absolute JERKS and forcing hawks to mask his avian-ness, forced to endure people touching his wings left and right, forced to not perch, forced to have them preen his feathers in the way that society views as "perfect," clipping his talons, making him live in a boring ass apartment because "hawks heroes dont care about sentiments, you have to be presentable and collecting 'shiny things' isnt herolike," the league being the EPITOME of quirk freedom, hawks finding solace in the league because hes actually able to be himself and being a heteromorph isnt SHOULDNT be bad, dabi being able to polish his old big brother instincts and take care of hawks nurse him back to help and free him from his bird cage.

SPEAKING OF BIRD CAGES, another beautiful fanon interpretation is DABI HIMSELF BEING A PART OF THE LEAGUE BEFORE HIS REBIRTH. OW. youve got friends to lovers and all the fluff that comes with it (as much as it is being in the commission) dabi and hawks growing up together in the commission only for endeavor to pull dabi out and hawks loses his one true best friend :[ dabi and hawks not knowing how to socialize with other kids but between dabis temper yet caringness and hawks being shy yet a determined bastard, they click LOVINGLY. they bond over shitty fathers (hawks not knowing the extent to his idol OR you can change it up and have hawks despise endeavor secretly but the commission knows hes adored endeavor so he has to suck up the urge to MAIM and KILL the flaming bag of shit because at the time endeavor aint "changing" and he acts EXACTLY like hawkss birth father.) hawks imprinting on dabi his first real friend, taking care of each other through the commissions pains and abuse, sacrificing themselves in order for the other to not be punished. MAJOR ANGST WHEN IT COMES TO DABIS DEATH and hawks loses his spark and throws himself into training to distract the howling pain of his bird side and instincts as he lost a flock member (and potential mate), ONLY TO FIND DABI ALIVE YEARS LATER. the angst of reconciliation to see your love turn yo the darkest sides (dabi being a villain and hawks being a hero both of who they respectively hate) the angst of dabi knowing that without him the commission successfully brainwashed hawks to the point of betrayal on their side and hawks knowing his old beloved is now on the side in which he has to take down and kill (his old beloved truely did die if this is the path dabi went to) THE FRIENDS TO LOVERS TO STRANGERS TO ENEMIES AND BACK TO LOVERS. IM GONE O-(-( ORZ. youve successfully wounded me.

the amount of aus/canon divergent situations you can put these two from those three things TOGETHER or SEPARATE/SOLO, soulmates, quirk accident, princess carry, found family, exes to lovers, role reversal, fantasy au, royal au, cyberpunk au, dystopian, apocalypse, sickfic, honeypot turned non sexual intimacy, highschool au, civilians au, quirk swap, body swap, arranged marriage, actual genuine married couple, kindergarten au, amnesia fics, time travel, time travel fix it fics, space au, star wars au, pirates and mermaids, and the wonderful beautiful amount of crack/crack treated seriously is UDGODLY. hawks pranking endeavor, the lov and hawks playing video games, trophy wife dabi, watching disney movies, coming out at the worse times, "HAWKS/DABI WDYM YOUR FUCKING A VILLAIN/HERO," one or more of the todorokis (minus endeavor) being in the league and dabi hating it but hawks loves it (adores shouto, loves and is terrified of fuyumi, gets along w natsuo, DABI YOUR MOM IS A FALLEN ANGEL), dabis mom being in the league and is a better mom in canon and dabis like what the shit or this is my mom fuckers touch her and your burnt and hawks is like but what about affectionate touching (hugs, headbumps etc), hawks learning to build a pillow fort and experience actual good childhoos activities, dabi walking in on hawks (and maybe spinner and toga) indulging in his avian-ness for the first time, dabi cooking for hawks, hawkss nesting habits, gift giving

am i autistic about dabihawks or am i AUTISTIC about DABIHAWKS

if you read this hold this (jesus /AFFECTIONATE I WROTE A LOT.) thank you and hoping to convert you :D

ANON you fucking FEASTED WITH THIS ONE OH MY GOD!!!! You delivered on your promise and brought over the whole damn MEAL!!

(I love the essay thank you so so much for taking time to pour out your thoughts on this ship!!! Ngl I don’t give Dabi enough credit as a character and maybe this ship is one way to kinda explore that and dammit if I am not more intrigued by them than anything else)

[im-an-insane-man-lover]

Okay this is really long and absolute yappery just. I NEED to shove this out somewhere besides with my pookie

So I think like a few people know who Alexi is??? Right, my silly until dawn oc. Him and Mack (or Moose) are me and my friends silly ud ocs right

I'm focusing more on these sillies than Alexi IN ud so I'm yapping about them !!! Because they're so silly

To the 3 people (pookie and like. Idk other goobers) who might read this tell me if you want more yapping of them because they're infecting my brain rn and I want me and pookie to yap more

ALSO INCLUDING SOME DOODLES AND DRAWING BY POOKIE!!! @roverthegoober

GOLLY I love these guys..... a LARGE portion is just like angst or the aftermath of the ud events

Two goobers meeting in early middle school only over the fact Alexi was asking him for help on work and after that he kept bothering him. Not even for help, asking random questions, and trying to know him better.

Alexi having Mack over for a movie night, and he's either forcing him to watch some sad rom-com or all of The Thing movies and explaining the comics and lore, pointing out small details and references in or related to The Thing (its his favorite horror series? I think it counts as a series right)

Like after the events of ud (saying everyone lives ending), they're both screwed up, but Mack had suffered from tbi (traumatic brain injury). Alexi is also suffering, obviously. Half his face is still messed up, his arm and hand are, but he doesn't have severe head injury (facial yeah, but erm... not head or brain, yknow)

Alexi isn't making any efforts to talk to anyone else (the group, not REALLY his family except if it's his brother, which is unlikely), but he's talking to Mack. Only talking to Mack, even if they're both struggling and trying to recover, he's literally worried sick about him and not metaphorically (because his anxiety is increased tenfold now)

Depending on how severe the tbi is, Mack COULD have memory issues with recalling what went on that night and everything that happened (long-term memory loss, he'd also struggle to remember how to do this or that and what this is etc). So Alexi is just dumbfounded.

Alexi can remember everything perfectly fine, and he just can't grasp that the person closest to him can't?? He can't go to Mack for any questions on what happened, how he got injured (at least for the injuries he wasn't present for, or Mack already told him after) and he can't go to him for any reassurance and comfort.

He's just in shock because he is ABSOLUTELY NOT going to confide in someone else, like family or a friend, because you have to be so insanely close to this guy for him to trust you to that extent.

So, over the years, he's sticking with Mack since he still remembers him, but not completely. He can't recall facts about him or moments that happened between them, and its not completely Mack.

ANYWAYS, IM GONNA LEAVE THAT THERE BC I DONT WANNA YAP ABOUT SAD SHIT ALL IN THIS POST

Don't come after me for anything that's not super medically accurate. Im not a doctor or anything. im just spit balling to get an idea out. Like Mack would probably have different symptoms and stuff, but this is just for silly fun for our ocs and I just wanna be silly 😞😞 this is literally just for fun so don't come at me with a pitchfork and mob

More art giggles

I love these guys I need them dead

Alexi was almost a theater kid, but he was too scared to because of his anxiety, but he still really wanted to try singing (he wasn't exactly too big on the dancing portion). He only did a few times at his house in his room, but his mom caught on and offered to get him a personal vocal coach (or trainer, idk the exact title).

So he CAN sing somewhat, but it's been a bit since he has, and he definitely isn't telling that to just anyone. Mack only found this out when they jokingly had a karaoke night, and Alexi didn't suck at singing

Also, if anybody is confused about why he has red hair, sometimes it's because his natural hair color is red, but he dyes it black. His older brother has black hair, and he was really close with him, and so around the start of high school, he started to dye it a bit to try it, and eventually he just ended up doing it completely and making it a routine.

Mack helps him dye it sometimes, but that's not often since he isn't the super best at it..... helps with getting Alexi what he needs mainly

OKAY THATS ALLLL !!!!! IM GONNA try to finish drawing Mack and Alexi as Paul and Sam from TGWDLM and sleep...