#this is something im working on myself as well. work on it with me!
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đđđđ | đđđ đđđđđđđđđđ đđđđđđđ ïżœïżœđ title: champagne confetti - side B (part 2 of champagne confetti) pairings: heartthrob!jk, yandere!jk x fashion employee f!reader genre: dark romance, smut, porn with plot, 90s word count: 18,4K beta read by @chaoticpuff17
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Prompt 1:âyou give me brand new emotion, you got me drinking that potionâ Prompt 2:Â The lines did blur, in his mind for sure. Will you be tamed or will your passion for fashion falter for greater good - a life without Jeon Jungkook. When everything youâve worked for hangs in the balance, his twisted love comes as both a gift and a curse.
summary: You, a determined fashion designer, find yourself entangled in a collaboration with the irresistibly charming and egotistic heartthrob, Jeon Jungkook. Will this partnership remain strictly professional, or will he make the lines blur?
warnings: minors dni 18+ | physical violence, hint of incapable police department, jk is the boy saviour here and everybody bends backwards for his famous ass, dubious consent, possessive/obsessive behavior, emotional manipulation, references to medication that affects mental and physical responses as "drugs" or "pills" or "medication", power imbalance, themes of isolation and confinement, gaslighting, mentions of mafia and criminal underworld, forced intimacy, oral sex (m!receiving), numbness, reader's difficulties getting wet, use of lube, fingering, penetrative sex, unprotected sex, riding/cow girl, orgasm difficulties, creampie, and so on (if i'll forgot smth, im so soorrryy!)
disclaimer: this story is purely fictional, it does not depict real-life events or involve any actual members of BTS. This story will contain strong language, explicit content, obsessive behaviour, alcohol drinking, abuse of medicine, illegal activities, oppressiveness, which we do not condone.
previously: đđĄđđŠđ©đđ đ§đ đđšđ§đđđđđą next:
author's note: happy new year to all of you! so, where to start right? this was a long ass ride, mainly because i was fighting with myself to not burn out on this fic coz i loved it so much, and i still love it, but i won't lie that i got lil overwhelmed with how much love this fic received and how much pressure i had to suppress to not decide to just not finish part two. I am so so so grateful for each and one of you! â„ and thank you for your patience too. Life's not easy, please understand that, i always try my best. Thank you all.
On a different note, part two a.k.a side B content is most likely something you might or might not expect to happen. And while I understand that many of you might not like where the narrative is headed, I humbly ask you to express your opinions in a nice and respectful way. If you wish to treat champagne confetti as a one-shot, I suggest you to not read part two, naturally.
1996 If they asked you how you managed to slip away when he had you in his grasp, ready to pull you back upstairs, you wouldnât know the answer. That night became blurrier each day. All you remember is the rush of adrenaline as you pushed through the crowd, your heart racing with each step that took you further away from him.
If they asked how you ended up in the New York City police department, drenched in a flimsy pyjamas with an empty black file you once thought was your portfolio, shivering from the cold and sheer panic coursing through your veins, you wouldnât know the answer.
If they asked how Jeon Jungkook picked you up not even thirty minutes later, knowing exactly which department you were at before you even managed to get your bearings and speak of what had happened to you, you wouldnât know.
Apparently, you head-butted Jeon Jungkook. Well, that would explain why you were arrested and why he picked you up, ensuring the officers wouldnât press charges against you.
Why didnât you say anything to the officers, you may ask. Unless you did.
"Youâre arresting me for what?! SELF-DEFENSE, MOTHERFUCKER, KIDNAâ"
"Baby, thatâs enough already. Iâm so sorry, officer. I threw her birth control away by accidentâ"
Thatâs what he told them. You got into a fight over birth control, ran away in the heat of the moment, and accidentally head-butted him. You could still see the dried blood under his nose. His whole story felt like one truth mixed with lies, but you may not remember much. You certainly didnât head-butt him by accident. You would never miss such a exquisite chance, god forbid.
"Are you seriously going to believe that shâ"
"Sir, sheâs clearly having an episode. Iâm so sorry about this," Jungkookâs voice dripped with concern as he addressed the officers, his hand running through his hair in apparent distress.
"Listen, you littleâ" your words were cut off by one of the officers raising his hand.
"Maâam, please calm down. Mr. Jeon here is a respected man. These accusations youâre making are very serious."
"But heâs lying! Heâs manipulating everything!â" your voice cracked with desperation.
"Sheâs been under a lot of stress lately," Jungkook interjected smoothly, fixing his gray zip-up hoodie, all dry unlike your clothing. "The fashion industry can be brutal. Iâve been trying to help her cope."
The officers exchanged knowing looks, their expressions softening as they regarded Jungkook with sympathy. One of them nodded understandingly, "We see these situations more often than youâd think, sir."
"I can take care of her from here," Jungkook assured them, his voice honey-sweet but his eyes cold as steel. "She just needs rest and her medication."
You watched in horror as the officers began nodding, your truth dissolving in the face of his perfectly crafted lies. The world seemed to tilt on its axis as you realized no one was going to believe you over him. He made you look like a psycho.
So, if they asked how in Godâs name you ended up being led back to the glass cage you vacated only a few hours ago, with memories flashing before your eyes like a broken film reel, you wouldnât know. Because that shit is straight-up unbelievable.
Each moment felt disjointed and surreal, a series of fragmented thoughts punctuated by Jungkookâs voice, smooth and calming yet laced with menace.
As he guided you back through the sleek hallways of the penthouse, the familiar opulence felt suffocating. The delicate decor, once a sign of luxury, now seemed to mock you. Jungkookâs hand rested on your lower back, a possessive gesture that sent chills down your spine.
"I hate you," you whispered, the words slipping out before you could rein them in.
Jungkook paused, the hand on your lower back tightening just enough to make you flinch. His gaze locked onto yours, those dark eyes flickering with something you couldnât quite decipherâwas it anger, or something more akin to hurt? The sharp intake of breath that followed felt like a crack in his carefully crafted facade, and for a fleeting moment, the man behind the mask was revealed.
"No, you donât. You donât know what you feel," he replied, his voice low and steady, like the calm before a storm. The tightening grip on your back felt almost protective, but the intensity of his gaze was unnerving.
"I know enough. I know youâre trying to control every aspect of my life. You canât keep me locked away forever."
"Locked away?" he echoed, the corner of his mouth twitching in a sardonic smile. "Is that how you see this? This is a sanctuary, a place where youâre safe. Iâve given you everything, Y/N."
"Everything?" you scoffed, your voice trembling with disbelief and rage. "Youâve taken everything from me, and now you added my dignity to the collection." The words hung heavy in the air between you, and for a moment, you caught a glimpse of something dangerous flickering in his eyes.Â
"Well fucking done, Jeonâ"
"Well fucking done, YOU!" He interrupted with his voice laced with anger.Â
"How do you imagine me trusting you after the stunt you just pulled?!" He turned to face you abruptly, screaming those words into your face.Â
"You are one to talk, Jeon! That baby room upstairs speaks volumes, you fucker!" Jungkookâs face turned pale, his eyes widening with genuine surprise.
"You went into the baby room?" His voice was a mix of shock and something else you couldnât quite placeâfear, perhaps?
"You hid the portfolio there, of course, I did."
"That room was supposed to be a surprise," he growled, stepping closer until you could feel his breath on your face.
"You had to ruin it."
"Surprise?" you shot back, your voice rising. "You canât force a future on me that I donât want, you moron!"
His hand shot out, gripping your arm tightly. "You think you have a choice in this?" he hissed. "You think you can just walk away and pretend none of this ever happened?"
"I know I can," you said, your voice trembling with a mix of fear and defiance. "And I will. You donât own me."
Jungkookâs grip tightened, his face inches from yours. "Youâre mine, Y/N. You always have been. And you always will be.â
"Youâre insane," you whispered, tears stinging your eyes. You saw the change in color in his eyes when you said those words. With a burst of adrenaline, you yanked your arm from Jungkookâs grip and bolted up the stairs, his furious shouts echoing behind you. Your feet barely touched the steps as you flew toward the recording room, heart pounding with fear. Bursting into the room, you slammed the door behind you, your eyes locking onto the recording booth.
Jungkook stormed in moments later, his face contorted with rage. "Iâm gonna fucking teach you a lesson, you ungrateful brat!" he bellowed, his eyes scanning the room for any sign of you.
You held perfectly still, watching as he moved closer to the recording booth. Your heart pounded in your chest, each beat echoing like a drum in your ears. He hesitated for a moment, his gaze flickering around the room, before stepping into the booth.
As soon as he was inside, you sprang into action. You dashed towards the door, slamming it shut and locking it with trembling hands. Jungkookâs eyes widened in shock as he realized what had happened, and he lunged towards the door just as you secured the lock.
"What the fuck, Y/N!" he roared, pounding on the glass. "Let me out!"
Ignoring his furious shouts, you grabbed a nearby chair and wedged it under the doorknob, barricading the door. You took a step back, breathing hard, and met his furious gaze through the glass.
"This ends now."
You ran through the penthouse, desperate to escape before Jungkook could free himself.
As you reached the front door and yanked it open, you collided with a solid figure, stumbling back. You looked up to see a man with dark hair and intense eyes, his expression a mix of surprise and concern.
"Who the hell are you?" you snapped, your voice trembling with fear and adrenaline.
"Min Yoongi," he replied, his tone calm yet probing. "Iâm a doctor. Jungkook called meâ"
Panic surged through you, but you forced yourself to stay composed. "We donât need a doctor. Jungkook is sleeping anyway," you lied, trying to keep your voice steady.
"He must have forgotten he even called youâ"
Yoongiâs eyes narrowed as he took in your disheveled state, your pajamas still not dry, and the raw fear in your eyes.
"You look terrified," he said, his tone gentle but firm. "Are you sure everythingâs alright?â
Your chest tightened, a wave of panic rising. You needed to get rid of himâfast.
"Really, Yoongi-doctor-whatever, itâs fine. I just need some restâ" You cut yourself off, realizing you were only digging yourself into a deeper hole. Yoongi looked unconvinced, his gaze piercing as he studied you.
Before you could finish, a loud crash echoed from upstairs, followed by the unmistakable sound of something heavy hitting the floor. Your heart skipped a beat, and your mind raced, knowing Jungkook must have escaped the recording booth.
Yoongiâs eyes flickered towards the noise, his expression darkening with suspicion. "What was that?" he asked, his voice laced with concern and suspicion. Your mind raced, trying to think of an excuse, but you knew it was futile.
"Itâs nothing," you insisted, forcing a smile. "Probably just some stuff falling ovâ" thatâs when an even louder crash sound echoed. Yes. He is totally out of there. You couldnât hold back anymore.Â
"Fuck!" you muttered under your breath, closing your eyes as you listened to Jungkookâs heavy footsteps. You could sense the rage in every thud. The tension between you thickened, your body shaking as his furious footsteps grew closer from upstairs. You could hear him bellowing for you, rattling the doors in his rage. The time to make a run for it was slipping away.
"I need to get out of here. Please, you have to help me," you pleaded, turning to Yoongi.
He didnât respond immediately. Instead, he looked at youâhis gaze unreadable, as if he was weighing something in his mind. After a beat, he spoke again, his voice clipped and cold.
"Donât be like the others, Y/N."
You froze at his words, your blood running cold. "The others?" you whispered, barely able to comprehend what he was implying.
Yoongi didnât elaborate, but the weight of his gaze told you everything you needed to know. The look in his eyes wasnât one of compassionâit was something darker, more knowing.
Yoongiâs gaze was locked on you, but you couldnât afford to stop, couldnât afford to hesitateânot when Jungkookâs rage was closing in on you, his every step a reminder of how little time you had left. Without warning, you darted toward him, trying to push past him. Yoongi moved in response, stepping into your path, his cold gaze never leaving yours.
"You're not leaving," he repeated, his voice quieter now, but no less firm. His presence was like a wall, blocking every path of escape. You didnât stop. You tried to shoulder past him, using every ounce of strength and fear-fueled desperation to break free, but his arm shot out, grabbing your wrist with an iron grip.
"Let go of me!" you hissed, thrashing in his hold.
Yoongiâs expression remained impassive, but you could see the subtle shift in his stance as he tightened his grip. He wasnât letting go, not without a fight. You yanked your free hand back, driving it forward with all the force you could muster, slamming it into Yoongiâs chest.
"He said youâre a good girl, but all I see is a brat who needs to be tamed," he warned, his voice steady but sharp. You fought him again, but the door seemed impossibly far, and Jungkook was just moments away.
In that moment, all you could do was scream.
You slowly woke up, the soft hum of voices drifting into your awareness before the world around you even began to make sense. At first, there was nothing more than a distant buzz, the kind that lingers when youâre still trapped between sleep and reality. But as the fog in your mind began to lift, the sound of two familiar voices cut through the hazeâJungkookâs, low and impatient, and Yoongiâs, calm and cold.
You blinked slowly, your eyelids heavy as if youâd been drugged, though you couldnât be sure. You tried to sit up, but your body felt sluggish, unwilling to obey. Everything seemed wrong. The weight on your chest. The thickness in your head.
"Sheâs still out of it?" Jungkookâs voice, sharp and worried, came from somewhere nearby.
You tried to focus, but the disorientation kept you from piecing together the words. Still, you could feel the presence of both menâclose, but not yet in your line of sight.
"She's sleeping," Yoongiâs voice was colder than you remembered, a warning in its tone. You instinctively tried to move, but your limbs refused to cooperate. Panic threatened to claw its way to the surface, but you pushed it down, trying to stay composed. You couldnât be weak. Not now.
"Sheâs stubborn," Jungkook murmured, frustration evident in his voice. "You know sheâll never accept it. If I show her the truth, sheâll run again."
Yoongiâs laughter was light, but there was no warmth in it. "You sound like Namjoon."
"How is Peaches?"
There was a pause, thick with unspoken tension, before Yoongi continued, his words measured but still carrying an undercurrent of something darker.
"Her recovery... is progressing very well. Sheâs strong. Stronger than we probably thought."
"Thatâs good to hear."
"You can mend the wounds, but the mind... thatâs another matter. She won't be the same." You flinched at his words. What happened to the woman they are talking about?
"But that essentially works in Namjoonâs favor."
Jungkookâs voice grew quiet at Yoongiâs words, the weight of the implication settling between them like a heavy shroud.
"How so?" His tone held a mixture of confusion and curiosity, but there was an underlying edge, as if he didnât fully trust where this conversation was heading.
"Namjoon... Heâs always been good at seeing people as they are. He doesnât need to force things. He knows how to manipulate the mind. To make someone want to comply."
Jungkook remained silent for a long moment. His breath was audible, shallow and strained, and you could almost feel his inner conflict.
"Well, I should stop by for a crash course âcause apparently I cannot move this one," Jungkook huffed, frustrated. Yoongiâs laughter again, light but tinged with something darker this time.
"You need to claim her, make it official. Show the world that sheâs yours." Your pulse quickened, and your mind started to get dizzy again.
"Sheâs already in your head. You think itâs the running thatâs hurting you? No, Jungkook. Itâs the fact that sheâs living in your thoughts, in your every decision. Youâll bend over backward for her, but sheâll never respect you for it. She needs to see you take control. Then sheâll respect you. Then sheâll stay."
"How am I supposed to make her mine when she keeps running? My original plan is fucked; she saw the baby room, hyung."
"Youâre overthinking it, Jungkook. Sheâs already seen it, so what? Itâs not a crime to want a child, for fuckâs sake."
"She saw the future I was building for us, and sheâs already rejecting it."
Yoongi let out a slow, calculated breath, his voice steady as he responded. "Sheâs rejecting it because you havenât made her understand it yet. She doesnât know whatâs good for her. Youâve given her too many choices, Jungkook. Youâve let her think she has the power to decide. And look where thatâs gotten you. Sheâs running, isnât she?"
There was a pause. You could almost hear Jungkookâs thoughts racing as the truth of Yoongiâs words sunk in.
"Youâve got to take control of the situation, Jungkook. Make her see that thereâs no running, no escaping, that thereâs no reason to!--" he raised his voice an octave higher before he hushed it again when Jungkook motioned urgently to prevent from waking you up.
"Make her see that youâre the one who decides her future now. Youâve made all this for herâdonât let it slip away just because sheâs scared."
"I donât want her to be scared⊠I want her to want me." The weight of their expectations, of what Jungkook was being urged to do, twisted in your chest like a growing storm.
"Well, if this wonât work, we can think of something moreâ"
"Permanent."
The idea hit you like a punch to the gut. The thought of being pushed into a corner, with no choice but to accept the suffocating control, twisted your insides. This wasnât love. This wasnât a partnership. This was manipulation. But they didnât care. They never did.
As you lay there, helpless and broken, the seeds of doubt and fear began to take root in your mind. Would you ever be able to escape? It was too much to listen to, and you donât remember at what point in their conversation you fell back asleep.
"Sedate her, if you have to," Yoongi continued, his tone smooth but dangerous. "Keep her compliant. Keep her obedient. She canât fight you if she doesnât have the strength to."
"Once sheâs fed up with all the side effects, sheâll do anything to stop itâ"
"If sheâs weakened, if sheâs broken down enough, sheâll have no choice but to comply."
"What if sheâs pregnant, hyung?" he asked, hope and worry evident in his tone. Yoongi rolled his eyes and sighed out of frustration.
"You boys should realize that pregnancy does not have to happen after you stick it in once, for fuckâs sake."
You woke up to the sound of running water, the steady rhythm of droplets hitting tile. Your head still felt thick, the remnants of whatever drugs theyâd given you making it hard to fully shake off the fog. As you struggled to sit up, the door to the bathroom opened, and a cloud of steam billowed out. Jungkook emerged, a towel wrapped around his waist, his hair damp and tousled from the shower.
Your eyes instinctively scanned his body, taking in the intricate tattoos that decorated his arm. Each one seemed to tell a story, a piece of the puzzle that was Jeon Jungkook. He caught your gaze and threw a smirk your way as he began to dry his hair with another towel.
"You cooled down a little?" he asked, his tone light but with an underlying tension.
You swallowed hard, your mouth dry. "What did you give me?" you managed to croak out.
"Just something to help you rest," he replied, stepping closer to the bed. "You were exhausted, and I needed you to stay put."
"Stay put?" you repeated, trying to muster some anger, but the drugs still held you in their grip. "You drugged me, Jungkook."
"To protect you," he said, his voice firm. "And to protect us. This running has to stop, love. There is no getting away and thatâs final."
You tried to sit up straighter, but your body refused to cooperate. "How is this supposed to work between us?" you asked, fighting to keep your voice steady. "You canât just keep me here like this."
Jungkook sighed, running a hand through his damp hair. "I know itâs not ideal, but I want to make this work. You just need to trust me."
"Trust you?" you scoffed, though it lacked the bite you intended.
"Yes, love, trust me." He moved closer, his presence overwhelming as he sat on the edge of the bed. You wanted to speak up, but he was faster.
"You are confusedâ"
"Confused?" you interrupted, your voice a weak protest. "I know exactly whatâs going on."
"You think you do," he countered softly, "but you donât see the full picture. You donât see how much I care about you, how much Iâm willing to sacrifice to keep you safe."
"Safe?" you echoed, feeling a mix of frustration and helplessness.
"Yes, and before you think of snooping around the penthouse again, your portfolio is already in the hands of someone who can give you a very high-profile job." You stared at him, processing his words through the haze.Â
"I kept my promise," his eyes bore into yours, filled with an intensity that made it hard to breathe. It was never here, and the file you thought your portfolio was in, was just scribbles of something incoherent. You made a mistake. You should have given up the portfolio and just built your career from the ground up again. Or you should have never met Jeon Jungkook. Never given him the chance to fall in love with you, lure you in, and lastly fuck you good. Way too good.
"At what cost, Jungkook? My independence?"
His expression softened slightly, though his resolve remained.
"You need to stop fighting me. You need to see that this is for the bestâ"
He climbed onto the bed, his towel barely clinging to his hips as he moved closer to you. His presence was overwhelming, and you couldnât help but feel a mix of fear and reluctant fascination. He leaned over you, his lips brushing against your ear.
"I want you to succeed," he whispered. "But you need to stop running for that to happen and let me take care of you."
Before you could respond, he captured your lips in a soft, lingering kiss. It was a stark contrast to the confusion and fear swirling inside you, and for a moment, you found yourself melting into it.
He pulled back slightly, his eyes searching yours. With that, he settled beside you, keeping you close and, as if it were a peace offering, he said:
"Friends is on the telly. Wanna watch?"
You stood under the shower, the warm water cascading over your body, trying to wash away the heaviness that clung to your every move. Despite the soothing temperature, you couldn't shake the lethargy that had settled deep in your bones. The antidepressants Jungkook insisted you take were doing their job, keeping you subdued, but they also left you feeling like a shell of yourself. You did not want to scream or argue. You had no strength to fight him; all you felt was a twisted, strange calmness.Â
The door was unlocked as there was nothing to lock them with, and he even insisted that wherever you are in the penthouse, the door will never be shut fully or youâll lose the privilege to be alone even for a second. It was the aftermath of your little stunt in which you locked him in his recording booth and the state Jungkook left it in was not pleasant for the eye.
As you stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around yourself, you caught a glimpse of your reflection in the mirror. The person staring back at you seemed distant, a shadow of who you used to be. You had lost some weight, something Jungkook had noticed too, as his cooking became very carb- and protein-oriented.
In the kitchen, the smell of cooking filled the air. Jungkook was at the stove, focused on preparing breakfast while the stereo was on in the living room just like every morning. This time, he put the whole SWV album on repeat. You mentioned you liked girl groups. So now he plays girl groups in the mornings. The sight of him in his domestic element would have been comforting if not for the circumstances. Body covered by a large black shirt, his tattooed arm moved with precision, flipping whatever was on the pan and stirring a pot of something that smelled sweet.
"Morning," you said softly, your voice still raspy from sleep.
He turned, a smile spreading across his face. "Good morning, love. Did you sleep well?"
You nodded, though sleep had been fitful at best. "Yeah, better. Thanks."
In normal circumstances, you could imagine yourself sassing some nasty remark his way, but somehow that is not what your brain thinks of anymore.
"Good," he replied, his eyes flicking over you with an unreadable expression. "Breakfast will be ready soon. Take a seat, baby."
You moved to the table, your legs still unsteady. The medication made it hard to feel grounded, and you grasped the back of a chair to steady yourself. As you sat down, a memory flashed through your mind, a moment that made your stomach churn.
It had been a week ago, or maybe more. Time blurred under the constant influence of the drugs. You had missed a dose, intentionally, hoping for a moment of clarity. But Jungkook had noticed the difference in your demeanor almost immediately.
"Take it," he had ordered, his voice devoid of its usual warmth.
You had refused, shaking your head, trying to stand your ground. But the look in his eyes had shifted from concern to something darker, more desperate.
Before you could react, he had grabbed you, forcing you down onto the bed. The pills were shoved into your mouth, and he held your nose, forcing you to swallow. Tears had streamed down your face, the bitter taste lingering long after the pills had gone down.
"Donât make me do this again," he had whispered, his voice breaking with frustration. "Just take them Y/N."
Since then, you had complied, taking the pills under his watchful eye, the memory of that night a constant reminder of what defiance would bring.
Jungkook set a plate of pancakes in front of you, breaking your reverie. "Eat up," he said, his tone softer now. "Youâve lost some weight."
You picked up a fork, your hand trembling slightly. As you took a bite, he sat across from you, watching you closely. The silence between you was heavy, filled with unspoken words and lingering tension. This is so fucking awkward.
"I, umâŠ" you began, hesitating. "I need something."
"What is it?" he asked, his gaze never leaving your face.
"I need some Tampax."
Jungkook's expression hardened at your request, his jaw tightening. The silence stretched uncomfortably as he processed your words. "Tampax," he repeated, his voice flat.
You nodded, feeling the weight of his gaze on you. "Yes. I..I got my period."
He exhaled sharply, running a hand through his damp hair.
"I thought you to be pregnant," he muttered, more to himself than to you. His frustration was palpable, the air thick with it.
"I'm sorry," you said automatically, though the apology felt hollow. What were you even apologizing for? For your body doing what it was supposed to do? For disappointing him? Why would you say that? Something flickered in his eyes when you said that, though.
"Can I go with you?" you asked carefully.
Jungkook's eyes shifted, darkening as he processed your question. His jaw tightened, and for a moment, the air seemed to thicken with tension. He remained silent, staring at you as if weighing something in his mind. You havenât been out in what seems like a month. You wouldnât know; he took out every single thing that indicated time or date, just as he made all the doors lack the keys so you wouldnât ever lock him or yourself somewhere. But you have been behaving, and looking at Manhattan through the thick glass windows was just not enough anymore. He did not even let you step on the balcony.
"Where?" he asked, his voice low and guarded.
You flinched, the words slipping out before you could stop them. "To the store. To get the...tampons."
"I can take care of itâ"
"Kookie, please."
The softness in your voice seemed to catch him off guard. His expression faltered for a moment, a brief flicker of uncertainty flashing in his eyes before he composed himself. Jungkook's hand gripped the back of the chair as if fighting the urge to reach for you, to demand that you stay where you were.
"Please," you repeated, your voice barely a whisper now, trying to steady the trembling in your chest. "I just want to... feel normal, just for a moment. Please, Kookie."
His gaze shifted from you to the window, the silence between you thick and heavy, suffocating. The idea of letting you go outside, even though he would be right there, scared him, and it was evident in how reluctant he was whilst granting you this plea.
"I promise Iâll behaveâ" you added quickly, your voice barely audible as you tried to make him see that this wasn't about defiance, but about a small piece of normalcy that you so desperately needed.
Jungkook stood frozen for a moment, the weight of your words hanging in the air like a fragile thread, ready to snap. He looked at you, eyes dark with something close to frustration, but there was a vulnerability too. You could see it in the tightness of his jaw, in the way his hands twitched, as though he was battling with himself.
Finally, he let out a slow breath, exhaling through his nose like a release of tension. "Fine," he muttered, the word falling between you like a reluctant concession.
"But you wonât get out of my sight." Jungkook continued, his voice hardening, as if the promise of letting you go outside came with an unspoken condition he couldnât shake off.
You nodded, accepting his terms without argument. You didnât have the strength to fight him on this, nor did you have the energy to explain that you werenât asking for much.
A simple errand, just a quick trip.
"Letâs go, then," he said, his voice gruff.
You stood up, feeling the weakness in your legs from the antidepressants. They made you compliant, dulled your senses. Jungkookâs arm slid around your waist, his grip firm and possessive. You didnât have the strength to resist.
Dressing was always a slow process for you, but this time for a different reason. While before you did not know what to choose to wear, now you just didnât feel like dressing up. You chose simple clothes, if that word was ever even in your vocabulary â it is now. But when you looked upon your grey Max Mara coat with fur on the hem of its sleeves, you could not keep trying to hold on to some semblance of normalcy. You longed to be you again.
Jungkookâs eyes never left you. Not when you pulled on the last piece of clothing, not when you sat down to zip up your boots, and not when he put a warm scarf around your neck to keep you from the cold of December.
The car ride to the store was silent except for the radio that proudly played Christmas classics. You had to chuckle a little when you heard his voice playing from the radio of his reimagination of Oh Holy Night. Itâs the time of the year, and you did not even realize how agonizingly slow time was in that penthouse. You stared out the window at the bustling streets of Manhattan, the snow-covered pavements, people all around. It was overwhelming, the normalcy of it all.
You walked into D'Agostino, and his hand never left yours while the other was pushing the trolley through the aisles. You looked at him, the sweater complimenting his build, his big brown coat on top of that.
You moved through the aisles, adding items to the cart under his watchful eye.
When you reached the health aisle, his grip tightened. You glanced up to see him slipping a box of pregnancy tests into the cart. Your heart sank, but you said nothing. That was what he was waiting for â to give him a reason to punish you in whatever way he pleased. But you wouldnât give him that. Nonetheless, the implication was clear, and sooner or later you would have to fight him on that.
"Just in case," he mumbled.
As you turned the corner, you nearly collided with a couple that looked oddly familiar. They didnât look normal, not in the way people usually did. There was something off about them, something familiar in a way that made your chest tighten. But you couldnât put your finger on it.
"Jungkookie! Didnât expect to see you here," the man said, his tone casual but with an underlying edge. His eyes lit up when he saw Jungkook, and it wasnât hard to sense that they were far more than just friends. The man wore similar attire to Jungkook but in darker colors, his whole aura projecting wealth and power. She, on the other hand, was adorned in a striking red coat, her pregnant belly barely concealed beneath it. The red was too bright, too vivid, and you couldnât ignore how much attention they drew, even in a crowd.
"Just running some errands. You know how it is." Jungkookâs voice and smile were thin, like something else was at play beneath his words. You could feel the tension in his body as he shifted slightly to face them. Was he scared of you misbehaving? Or acting up? Just what was going on in his head right now?
"Y/N, this is Jung Hoseok and his wife." There was a brief pause, his words heavy with something unspoken. Jung fucking Hoseok. You knew that name, knew the stories. The man was a businessman of the highest order, owning the distilleries producing the finest whiskey and brandy carrying the Jungâs and Kimâs name. He had nothing and everything at once with that fucking mullet.Â
"Hoseok, Princess - this is Y/N."
Hoseok raised an eyebrow, his gaze lingering on you for a moment longer than comfortable. His smile was smooth, disarming, but it didnât reach his eyes. He was a predator in the shape of a man.
"Nice to meet you, welcome to the family," he said smoothly, his tone warm, but his eyes glinted with something that made you feel as if he was evaluating you like a piece of merchandise. It was a greeting, but it didnât feel like one. There was no warmth in it, no welcome. Not yet.Â
It was ownership, as if he was claiming you as kin before you even had a chance to understand what was happening. You could barely move, trapped in his gaze, in the suffocating air thick with tension. And then there was the mention of "family."
Family?
Your mind scrambled to understand the connection. What the hell did Hoseok have to do with Jungkook? Was this some business partner? Some associate? And then you remembered the storiesâJung Hoseok, the name whispered in the same breath as the Jung family distilleries, their illegal dealings. Alcohol, drugs, money, power... and whatever the hell was happening behind the scenes that you didnât even begin to comprehend.
Jungkookâs hand clenched around yours, his body rigid as if daring you to question his actions. But you already knewâthere was no room for questions here. No room for defiance. No room for anything other than what he allowed.
You felt a shiver race up your spine as Mrs. JungâPrincessâsmiled sadly, her eyes flicking between you and Jungkook. She tilted her head, and for a moment, the world around you seemed to close in. Her eyes held something unsettlingâempathy, maybe, but also something darker. She wasnât looking at you with pity; it felt more like an understanding of the kind of life you were being thrust into. A life you couldnât escape from, no matter how hard you tried.
Her smile deepened, but the sadness never left her eyes.
"I hope youâre adjusting well," she said softly, her voice carrying an air of familiarity, but it was cold beneath the sweetness. "Itâs a big change, isnât it?"
Her words were innocent on the surface, but you knew better. They were a reminder of the power dynamic at play here, a subtle reaffirmation of your place in their world. You were still the outsider, and no matter how hard you tried to convince yourself otherwise, you were still under their watch, under their control. No freedom would ever be guaranteed.
Jungkookâs hand tightened around yours, the possessive pressure grounding you back in the moment. His gaze flicked from Mrs. Jung to Hoseok and then to you, an unreadable look passing across his face. He was silent for a moment, but the tension between the four of you was palpable, almost suffocating.
"Do you think youâll make it to the Christmas gathering, Kook?" Hoseok asked, his voice smooth, his eyes glinting between you and him. As if he were asking whether you are ready to be part of the family.
His eyes darted to you, as if measuring whether or not you would speak, or even if you would understand what was actually happening.
"Iâm not sure, Hyung," Jungkook finally answered, his voice colder than it had been moments ago. His grip on your hand remained firm, a silent warning that nothing about this encounter was casual, nor were any of you truly free.
"Weâll see."
Hoseok chuckled softly, a knowing smirk playing on his lips. He leaned back slightly, crossing his arms as if the conversation were some kind of game to himâone where he already knew the outcome. The tension was suffocating. Every word, every gesture was an unspoken measure of who had the power and who had none.
"Well," Hoseok continued, "Iâm sure weâll all be expecting you there. Itâs a family affair, after all. Wouldnât want anyone to feel... excluded." He gave a small nod, and the implication wasnât lost on you.
"Peaches wanted to talk to you for some time, Kook."
He visibly stiffened, his body language shifting into something more guarded. His fingers tightened around yours, the possessive grip now tinged with something darker, like a warning, a reminder of who he was and who you werenât.
The mention of Peachesâand her connection to whatever the hell was going onâleft you unsettled. Another piece of the puzzle that you didnât understand, but felt creeping closer with every passing moment.
"Yeah, I know," was all Jungkook said. His tone brooked no argument. Who is she? What was her connection to Jungkook, and why did his entire demeanor shift the moment her name was mentioned?
Hoseok, watching the two of you closely, seemed to relish the silence that followed. He leaned in just slightly, eyes flicking between you and Jungkook, measuring something unseen. Just what is he trying to achieve?
His eyes never left Jungkook, but his words were directed at both of you. "Sheâs been wanting to have a chat for a while. About everything."
"Donât worry about it, weâll talk soon, Hyung," Jungkook finally muttered, his gaze turning toward you, softening for just a moment.
But the unease in his voice didnât fool you. The more he avoided talking about Peaches, the more you knew there was something lurking beneath the surface. Something he was hiding. Something you werenât meant to see. And it only made you feel more trapped.
Jungkookâs grip on your hand tightened so much that you winced, but you dared not say anything. His eyes flicked from Hoseok to Mrs. Jung, his expression unreadable. There was something cold in his gaze now, something sharp, but it was directed outwardâat them.
The tension between them was palpable, an unspoken war fought with words, smiles, and a look that only people like them would understand. And then, just as quickly, the moment passed.
"Well, we wonât keep you," Hoseok said, his gaze lingering on you just a moment longer. His smile never faltered, but the weight of it made you feel small, insignificant.
"It was nice finally meeting you, Y/N."
Her name resonated in your head for a while before you gathered the courage to actually ask. There must be a reason why not one but two people had already talked to Jungkook about this Peaches. Who in the world names their child Peaches? Anyway, the way his demeanor shifted at the mention of her name left you with more questions than answers. You did not know why. This should not bother you at all.
Despite Jungkookâs attempts to reassure you that nothing was going to change, the nagging feeling of being kept in the dark gnawed at you. You had become part of his world, yet there were so many aspects of it that remained a mystery. Who exactly is Jeon Jungkook if not a popular heartthrob of this generation?
One evening, as you sat in the penthouse, the silence was interrupted by the soft strains of a piano melody drifting through the space. Jungkook was at the grand piano, his fingers gliding over the keys with a grace that belied the tension that seemed to have settled over him. You watched him for a moment, the music a temporary balm to the unease that had been building between you.
Taking a deep breath, you decided it was time to address the elephant in the room. "Jungkook," you called softly, walking over to where he sat. He looked up, his expression guarded but not unkind. You did not really express any affections towards him as of late. And apparently, he was giving you space to come to him yourself. How generous after what he has done to keep you here.
"Yeah, baby?"
You took a seat beside him on the piano bench, your fingers lightly brushing the keys. You sighed loudly because you couldn't believe you were actually going to ask him that.
"Who is Peaches?" you asked, your voice trembling slightly. More from embarrassment than fear of his reaction. Jungkookâs expression shifted, a playful glint appearing in his eyes.
"Hm, someone sounds jealous?" he asked, his tone light and teasing. Obviously, that was the first thing he was going to ask.
You flushed, feeling your cheeks heat up at his question. "No, Iâm not jealous," you retorted quickly, but the slight tremor in your voice betrayed you. Were you not?
Jungkookâs grin widened, and he leaned closer, his face just inches from yours. "Oh, really?" he murmured, his voice low and mischievous.
"Because it sounds like you might be a little bit jealous." You turned your head away, trying to hide the embarrassment creeping up your neck, interplaying with frustration that was very much successfully toned down by the number of pills youâd taken this morning.
"I could not give a flying fuck, Jungkook, Iâm just curious."
"A flying fuck, huh?" he repeated, his tone laced with amusement. Jungkook chuckled, the sound low and rich, his breath warm against your cheek.
He reached out and gently turned your face back to him, his fingers light on your chin.
"Peaches is Kim Namjoonâs fiancĂ©e," his tone softening but the amusement still present in his eyes. You could feel the tension in his fingers as he held your chin, his thumb brushing lightly against your skin. And you could also not miss how the little ball of nerves you had in your chest suddenly evaporated.Â
You blinked, trying to process the information. "Namjoonâs fiancĂ©e?" you echoed, your voice barely above a whisper. You knew Namjoon as the man next to Jungkook in the majority of the photographs he had hanging up, and you recall him talking about this Namjoon even before you got yourself into this situation. Jungkook looked up to Namjoon. The name carried weight, and you could see why Jungkook might be protective over such a significant part of his and his familyâs life.
"I saved her life."
His words hung in the air, adding another layer to the mystery surrounding Jungkook and the world he was a part of.
"You saved her life?" you repeated, your voice softening. The weight of his words began to sink in, and you could see the depth of his connection to this woman named Peaches.
Jungkook nodded, his fingers still gently holding your chin. "Yeah, I did," he said quietly.
"HâŠhow?" He seemed to be weighing his words carefully, the playful glint in his eyes dimming slightly. It was obvious. He wouldnât tell you.
"Iâm not sure youâre ready to know all of it at once," he said gently, his thumb brushing your skin. "But what you need to understand is that everything Iâve done, everything Iâm doing, is for the good of the family."
"Are you likeâŠHoseok?" you asked, your voice wavering just slightly as you tried to make sense of everything. Jungkook leaned back slightly, his eyes narrowing as he processed your question. He tilted his head, almost as if he were weighing your words. His fingers, which had been so tender on your chin, slowly slipped away, leaving a cool emptiness behind.
"Depends on who you think Hoseok is?" he replied, his voice light, but there was an underlying edge to itâa hint of something he wasnât quite ready to share. You frowned, not fully understanding.
"Everybody knows who he is, Gguk." Jungkookâs lips curled into a small, amused smile at your bluntness. The nickname "Gguk" rolled off your tongue like it had been there all along, and for a brief moment, his usual playful demeanor flickered back, though it didnât quite reach his eyes. His gaze softened just a little, but the weight of the conversation hung heavy between you.
"Heâs mafioâ"
"Yeah, I know what everyone thinks.." Jungkookâs lips quirked into that familiar smile, but this time it was tinged with something a little darker.
"You think Hoseokâs just some dangerous guy who gets his hands dirty, but itâs more than that. Itâs about belonging."
"Itâs not all suits and guns and power plays. Thereâs a whole other side to itâ" he continued. You tilted your head, not sure if you were entirely following what he was saying.
"Jungkook, I thought you were a goddamn heart-crushing pop-star." He laughed.
"Iâve been everything the world thinks I am, but thatâs not all."
"But⊠youâre not like Hoseok, though, right?" you asked, needing reassurance that he wasnât too far gone. Jungkookâs gaze softened as he looked at you, his fingers now tracing small patterns on the back of your hand.
"No, Iâm just a heart-crushing popstar," he said finally, his voice amused.
"I am still very much part of the family though,â"
"Youâre part of it now too. Whether you like it or not. And Iâll protect you. Iâll make sure youâre safe."
The sincerity in his voice made your heart ache. You wanted to believe him. You needed to believe him. But the weight of the world he was offering you was far heavier than you had imagined.
"Thatâs how we roll."Â
His fingers continued their slow, deliberate tracing on your hand, a reminder that he had all the control here. You pulled your hand away from his, shaking your head, your chest tightening as you tried to keep your emotions in check. He looked confused for a moment and undoubtedly started to question whether youâd taken your medication or found a way to sneak past his watchful eye.
"Youâll understand why eventually," he murmured, his voice low and sure, as if he were speaking a truth you werenât yet ready to hear.
And then, before you could say another word, his lips were on yours againâslow, but with a possessiveness that sent a shiver through you. It was suffocating in its intensity, and yet you couldnât bring yourself to pull away, trapped in the haze of his touch, the drug in your system, the desperate need to find some kind of relief. To feel something else rather than the empty numbness of your brain.
The medication, the constant monitoring, the suffocating feeling of being trapped in your own mindâit all faded into the background as Jungkook's kiss deepened, his tongue tracing the outline of your lips, sending sparks of sensation through your numbness. You felt yourself getting lost in the intensity of the moment, your hands rising to grasp his shoulders, pulling him closer as if trying to anchor yourself to something, anything, that felt real.
The possessiveness in his kiss was almost palpable, a reminder that he was in control, and yet, you couldn't bring yourself to care, too caught up in the desperation to feel something, anything, that wasn't the dull, hollow ache of your own emptiness.
Your thighs spread wide as you settled onto his lap, the hardness of his erection pressing against your core, sending a jolt of electricity through your body.Â
You did not stay in this state of mind for too long though.
"I donât want this Jungkook."
Jungkook's kiss paused for a fraction of a second, the softness in his movements turning sharper, as if the words you spoke were a challenge, one he wasnât ready to hear. His breath was heavy, his chest rising and falling with the rapid rhythm of his pulse. He pulled back just enough to look into your eyes, his gaze dark and intense, like he was searching for somethingâan answer, an explanation, perhaps even your submission.
"You donât want this?" His voice was calm, but there was an underlying sharpness to it, a hint of disbelief. His thumb brushed lightly across your bottom lip, his touch almost possessive, as if claiming that too.
"IâŠI donât know." The confusion in your words only seemed to fuel something inside himâa deepening desire, a need to pull you even closer, to make you feel as though you were already lost to him.
His hands roamed, shifting to your back, pulling you against him with a force that made your heart race, your breath hitch. He was strong, too strong, and as much as you wanted to push him away, your bodyâdistant, clouded by the drugs, the numbnessâreacted to him, betraying the words that your mind screamed.
"You can fight this all you want," he whispered, his lips brushing against your ear, sending a shudder through your body. "But you know you're mine, Y/N. Iâm not letting you go. Not now, not ever."
You tried to focus on your words, the ones that should matter. "I donât want this, Jungkook," you repeated, your voice weak, and yet, something in your chest tightened. The longing for freedom, for a way out, collided with the dull pull of your bodyâs response to him. It felt as though you were suffocating between two opposing forcesâone part of you screaming to break free, the other part craving the warmth he was offering, even if it was twisted.
"Hey, look at me, baby," Jungkookâs gaze softened, but it didnât quite reach his eyes. The heat in them was still there, darker, more intense, as he tilted your chin up to meet his gaze.
The drugs were fogging your mind, the reality of what was happening slipping away like sand through your fingers. You felt his hands tighten around your waist, pulling you even closer, the pressure building between you both, and yet, a small voice in the back of your mind screamed no. It screamed that this wasnât right, that you were more than this moment, but the drugs and his kiss drowned it out, and all you could do was let yourself be consumed by him.
"This is happening. This is us." His voice was firm, steady, and with each word, the finality of his claim echoed between you both.
You wanted to push him away. You wanted to tell him to stop, to make him understand how wrong this was, but your body betrayed you, too caught in the haze of his touch, his kiss, the overwhelming pull of his presence. You closed your eyes, trying to block out the sensations, trying to escape into the numbness that you had once sought.
But Jungkook wouldnât let you. His fingers slid to your jaw, guiding your face back to his as his lips found yours once more. This kiss was differentâit was hungry, possessive, the kind that felt like a demand rather than a plea. You could feel him pressing against you, his desire unmistakable in the hardness of his body, and it was suffocating, consuming you in ways you didnât know you could be consumed.
He pulled away just enough to look into your eyes, his chest still rising and falling beneath yours. "You donât want this now, but you will," he said softly, his voice full of certainty. "Youâll see. Youâll understand at the end,âIâll make you understand."
The intensity of his gaze held you captive, the world outside this moment blurring into insignificance.
"JungkookâŠ" you whispered, your voice trembling. The fear, the confusion, the longingâthey all mingled into a desperate plea for something you couldnât quite name.
His eyes softened, but the possessiveness never left. "Youâre mine," he repeated, his voice a low, soothing murmur. "Iâll protect you. Iâll keep you safe. But you have to trust me, Y/Nâ"
 "You have to let me in."
You looked down at your mug, swirling the mulled wine as you gathered your thoughts. "I... I think Iâm ready to go back to work," you said finally, your voice barely above a whisper.
The change in Jungkookâs demeanor was immediate. The warmth in his eyes flickered out, replaced by something harder, colder. He set his mug down on the counter with a soft clink, his posture stiffening.
"What makes you think that?" he asked, his tone deceptively calm, but you could hear the edge beneath it. You swallowed hard, forcing yourself to meet his gaze.
"Iâve been good, havenât I?"
Jungkookâs eyes narrowed slightly as he studied you, the tension between you palpable. He took a step closer, his presence imposing. "You have," he admitted, his voice low and measured. "But that doesnât mean youâre ready to go back out there."
You felt a pang of frustration, but you tried to keep your voice steady. "I need to feel normal again, Jungkook. I need to get out of here, to do something meaningful."
His jaw tightened, and he reached out, gently but firmly taking the mug from your hands and setting it aside. His fingers lingered on your wrist for a moment, his touch both comforting and possessive. "This is meaningful," he said, his voice softening just a fraction as he looked into your eyes. "Us, here, together. This is your life now, Y/N."
"But..but you promised." Jungkook's expression flickered, a brief moment of conflict passing through his eyes before his gaze hardened again. He took a deep breath, his grip on your wrist tightening slightly as he processed your words.
"I promised to keep you safe," he said, his voice firm but with an undercurrent of something you couldnât quite identifyâfear, perhaps, or desperation. "And letting you go back to work... it's not safe for you now, Y/N."
You pulled your wrist free, taking a step back to create some distance. "I canât stay cooped up in here forever, Jungkook," you said, your voice trembling but determined. "I need to feel like myself again. I need to be around people, to do something other than just exist in this penthouse."
He took a step closer, his hands reaching out to cup your face, his touch gentle but his eyes intense. "You are my life now," he said softly, his voice breaking slightly. "And I canât lose you. Not to anything or anyone." You closed your eyes, leaning into his touch despite the turmoil inside you. Jungkookâs thumb brushed over your cheek, his touch sending shivers down your spine.
"Freedom comes with risks, Y/N," he murmured, his voice filled with a mix of love and possessiveness. "And Iâm not sure I can handle those risks."
"I promise I am not plotting, Ggukâ" you began, but Jungkookâs eyes narrowed, his grip on your face tightening ever so slightly.
"Are you not?" he cut in, his voice low and dangerous. The hint of desperation from before was now replaced with a cold, steely resolve.
"Just give me a chance to proveâ" His eyes bore into yours, searching for any sign of deceit.
"I donât know if I can trust that, Y/N," he murmured, his voice filled with an unsettling mix of love and possessiveness. He was silent for a long moment, his jaw clenched, the muscles in his neck tight with tension. Finally, he let out a slow breath, his grip on your face softening.
"We have the family dinner coming up. Itâs important, and everyone will be there. If you can behave, show that you can handle yourself around my family, then maybe... just maybe, we can talk about you going back to work."
The implication of his words settled over you like a weight. This wasnât just about proving yourself to him; it was about proving yourself to his entire family. The thought was daunting, but you knew this might be your only chance. To get away from his grasp.
"Iâll do my best," you said, your voice trembling with a mix of determination and anxiety. "I promise."
A small, almost tender smile tugged at the corners of Jungkookâs lips. "Good," he said softly.
You swallowed hard, the pressure of the upcoming dinner weighing heavily on you. "Who will be there?" you asked, your voice barely above a whisper.
Jungkookâs eyes flickered with something unreadable. "Everyone," he said simply. "My parents, all of my Hyungs... among whom someone can offer you a position if you make a good impression."
This was your chance, and you had to take it.
"Iâll be on my best behaviour," you promised, your voice steady despite the turmoil inside you.
You stood there in Jungkookâs arms, the Christmas lights twinkling softly around you, you resolved to do whatever it took to reclaim a part of your life.
"Now, show me how good you can warm my cock this Christmas."
His murmured words were low and commanding. You swallowed hard, your mind racing as you tried to process what he was asking of you. This wasnât the first time he implied that he wanted you to drop down there. He was obsessed with your body and how obedient it became when you had the right amount of pills and alcohol in your system. You both could deal with detox once you realized that there was no different route in your life but him. That was his plan all along.
You could smell the mulled wine on his breath, and it only added to the sense of unease growing inside you. He reached out a hand and gently stroked your cheek, his touch sending a wave of revulsion through your body.
As the flames danced in the fireplace, casting a warm glow over the room, Jungkook's eyes locked onto yours, his gaze burning with a fierce intensity. He reached out and gently stroked your hair, his touch sending a shiver down your spine. Without a word, he guided you to your knees, his eyes never leaving yours. Quick flashbacks ran through your mind from the last time he did that. Normally, fear would take you down or push you to protest. Not anymore. He made you his doll. At least partially.
As his hands closed around yours, he gently guided them to his sweatpants, his eyes locked onto yours with a spark of excitement. You felt a rush of anticipation as your hands made contact with the soft fabric, and Jungkook's eyes seemed to gleam with a knowing light.
He urged your hands to explore, to delve beneath the waistband and discover the secrets that lay hidden beneath. Your fingers trembled slightly as you complied, slipping beneath the fabric to find the warm, smooth skin. Jungkook's eyes fluttered closed, and a low, husky moan escaped his lips as your hands made contact with his flesh. His hips seemed to arch into your touch.
Your fingers wrapped around him, feeling the warmth and the hardness.
Jungkook's eyes snapped open, and he gazed at you with a fierce intensity, his pupils dilated with desire. "Yes," he whispered, his voice barely audible over the sound of his own ragged breathing. "Like that. Just like that."
You could imagine that this was your high school boyfriend. You for sure loved him back then. Because now you have to suck and fuck that man like you mean it if you want out.
Your lips made contact with the warm, smooth skin of his cock, and Jungkook's eyes fluttered closed, a low, husky moan escaping his lips. You began to suck, your mouth wrapping around him like a warm, wet glove. Jungkook slightly moved his hips against you, inviting you to take more, to suck him deeper.
You felt his hands tangling in your hair, holding you in place as you worked to please him. The sound of his breathing, the feel of his heat, and the taste of his skin is nothing new for you anymore, and you desperately wish you never got the taste of him.
Jungkook's moans grew louder, and his hips began to move, thrusting gently into your mouth. You felt him growing closer and closer to the edge, and you knew that you were driving him wild. Your mouth moved up and down, sucking and licking, as Jungkook's cock grew harder and thicker. You felt his precum dripping onto your tongue, and you knew that he was close to coming.
Jungkook's hands tightened in your hair, holding you in place as he began to thrust faster, his hips moving in a rapid, piston-like motion. You felt his cock hitting the back of your throat. His body tensed when he pulled your wet mouth from his cock just in time, his cock still throbbing with desire. His chest heaved with exertion, his breathing ragged as he gazed at you with a hungry look in his eyes.
Without a word, Jungkook reached out and grabbed your wrist, pulling you to your feet. He spun you around, pressing your back against the wall next to the Christmas tree as he loomed over you.
You felt his hot breath on your skin, his lips inches from yours as he whispered, "I'm not done with you yet." His hands roamed over your body, stripping away your clothes with a fierce urgency.
Jungkook's eyes devoured you, his gaze lingering on every curve and contour of your body. You felt his hot breath on your skin, his lips inches from yours, as he whispered, "Mhm, Iâm gonna fuck you so hard and niceâ" his hands continued to strip away your clothes, leaving you naked and exposed before him.
Jungkook's hands grasped your hips, lifting you up as he slammed you against the wall. But instead of thrusting into you, he paused, his eyes locked on yours as he whispered,
 "I want to savor you, to taste every inch of your skin."
Jungkook's lips crashed down on yours, his tongue invading your mouth as he kissed you with a fierce, possessive passion. You felt yourself getting lost in the sensation, your body responding to his touch as he deepened the kiss, his tongue exploring every corner of your mouth.
As he kissed you, Jungkook's hands began to roam over your body, touching, caressing, and claiming you as his own. His fingers trailed down your neck, over your shoulders, and down to your breasts, where he cupped them in his hands, his thumbs tracing circles around your nipples.
His lips left yours, and he trailed kisses down your neck, over your shoulders, and down to your breasts, where he sucked your nipples into his mouth, his tongue swirling around them in a sensual dance. His fingers continued tracing down your stomach, over your hips, and down to your thighs, where he parted them with his hands, his fingers brushing against your entrance, spreading your lips wide and finding very little of wetness.
His brows furrowed in concern, and he lifted his head from your breasts, his eyes locking onto yours with a questioning gaze.
For a moment, he simply looked at you, his chest heaving with exertion, his lips still wet from kissing your breasts. Then, his face softened, and he whispered, "Do you want me to stop?" His voice was low and husky, but laced with a hint of uncertainty.
Was he testing you?
The Christmas tree lights twinkled in the background, casting a warm glow over the scene. The soft hum of the lights and the quiet beat of Jungkook's chest rising and falling with each breath were the only sounds in the room.
What are you going to do now?
It was not uncommon for someone on such medication as yours to have trouble with dampness down there. Even when the excitement might be there, waterfalls werenât.
"It's just the medicationâŠ" Jungkook's expression turned serious, and he kissed your forehead tenderly.
"I know, baby," he said softly. "We'll go slow. We don't have to rush anything."
He shifted slightly, adjusting his position so that he could hold you more comfortably. As Jungkook held you, his hands moved slowly, caressing your back and sides with a gentle touch. How? Why? Where is the Jungkook who forced you down on your knees and fucked your throat until you cried?
The contrast between the Jungkook who was now so gentle and the one who had been so forceful left you bewildered. His tenderness felt alien, almost as if he were a different person. You couldn't help but wonder if this was just another side of his complex personality, a side he was showing now to keep you close, to make you feel safe.
"Why are you being so gentle with me?" you whispered, unable to keep the question to yourself any longer.
Jungkook paused, his eyes searching yours. "Because I love you," he said simply, as if that explained everything. "I want you to feel safe with me, Y/N. I want you to trust me."
You felt a lump form in your throat, the words catching you off guard. Trust. It was such a fragile thing, something that had been shattered and mended too many times. Could you really trust him? This could simply be another foul play.
Jungkook's gaze softened, and he cupped your face in his hands. "I know I've been rough with you, baby. I know I've scared you. But I need you to understand that everything I do, I do because I can't bear the thought of losing you. You're my everything, Y/N."
"I need to feel like I can breathe." You whispered, bare and vulnerable.
"I can give you that," he said, his voice steady. "But you have to promise me something."
"What is it?" you asked, your heart pounding.
"Promise me that you wonât leave me, baby," he said, his grip on your face tightening slightly.
"I wonât," you replied, your voice trembling at the thought. But your answer was rather enigmatic, and his brain opted to process it the way he wanted and not the way you meant it. You wonât. You wonât promise that.
Slowly, his grip on your face relaxed, and he let out a breath he seemed to have been holding. "Good," he murmured, pressing his forehead against yours. "Because I canât live without you."
He kissed you softly, his lips lingering on yours, and you responded as best you could, trying to convey the mix of emotions swirling inside you. It was almost disorienting, this gentleness from a man who had shown you such brutality.
"I want you," he whispered, his voice low and husky. "I want to be inside you, to feel you wrapped around me." He paused, his gaze never leaving yours. "But I don't want to hurt you. I want to make it good for you."
"Just like the last time." He smirked, recalling all your dirty juice on his body and bed once you came undone the first time he claimed you as his.
He took a step back, his eyes still locked on yours, and nodded to himself. "I'll be right back," he said, turning and walking away.
You watched him go, wondering what he was doing. But then you heard him rummaging through a drawer, and you realized what he was looking for. He returned with a small bottle of lube, his eyes never leaving yours.
"I want to make sure you're ready for me," he said, his voice low and gentle. "I want to make sure you can take my big cock into your tiny hole." He moaned at the thought of being inside you again.
"I canât hold back, baby. I'm going to fuck you good until you canât walk."
He poured some lube onto his fingers, his eyes never leaving yours as he climbed on top of you. You felt him touch you, his fingers slipping between your lower lips, spreading them with his two fingers apart and caressing each side, making you breathe loudly. You gasped, feeling a spark of pleasure ignite within you, just a little. He knew exactly how to touch you, how to coax your body into a state of complete surrender.
The warmth of his hands seeped into your skin, spreading a comforting heat that eased the tension from your muscles. Every stroke, every caress, was a reminder of his dominance, yet also of his desire to please you.
His fingers moved with a rhythm, slow and deliberate, exploring every inch of your sensitive flesh. He started with light, teasing touches, barely grazing your skin, before gradually increasing the pressure. You felt a fluttering sensation in your lower abdomen, a mix of anticipation and need. Your breath hitched, and you let out a soft moan, encouraging him to continue.
You were feeling something after such a long time of numbness. He made you forget about how sore your muscles were every morning, how tired you woke up even though you slept for more than eight hours, and how you emptied your stomach now and then because the drugs made you nauseous.
He whispered soothing words, his voice a low murmur that vibrated against your skin. "That's it, baby," he said, his breath warm against your ear. "Just relax. Let me take care of you."
His fingers moved with an intimate knowledge of your body, finding all the right spots inside you to make you gasp and writhe beneath him. He took his time, not rushing, making sure you were fully prepared, fully aware of every sensation.
His lips hovered over yours, eyes locked onto yours. Slowly, his lips descended, brushing against yours in a gentle, teasing caress.
"You are such a good girl for me." His fingers continued to move, stroking and teasing, building the tension inside you. You felt his hands moving, positioning you the way he wanted when an idea struck your brain. This is it. He will think that youâre finally falling in line, that you are content living by his side, and eventually showing him some love he is forcing from you. You decided to use this moment to your advantage, to make him believe you were giving in, that you were starting to accept your place by his side.
You clung to him, as if seeking more of his touch, more of his warmth.
"Jungkook," you whispered, your voice trembling with a mix of genuine arousal and calculated submission.
"I wanna ride you."
His eyes widened slightly, a flicker of surprise quickly replaced by a dark, eager gleam. You would pay to see that micro-mimic again. He smiled, a slow, predatory smile that made your heart race.
"Oh, do you now, baby?" he murmured, his voice low and filled with anticipation.
You nodded, maintaining eye contact, letting him see the sincerity in your gaze.
"Yes, please."
Without another word, Jungkook shifted, guiding you to straddle his lap. His hands moved to your hips, his grip firm but not painful, holding you steady as you settled yourself over him. The feel of his erection pressing against you sent a shiver of anticipation through your body.
"Take your time," he said softly, his eyes never leaving yours. "I want to feel every inch of you."
You bit your lip, lowering yourself slowly, savoring the feeling of him filling you. He let out a low groan, his fingers tightening on your hips as you took him in, inch by inch. The connection between you felt almost electric, every nerve ending alive with sensation.
Once you were fully seated, you paused, giving yourself a moment to adjust. He felt even bigger now that your arousal was half artificial. Jungkook's eyes were dark with desire, his breath coming in short, shallow gasps.
"Good girl," he whispered, his voice thick with arousal. "You feel so good."
You began to move, rolling your hips in slow, deliberate circles. Jungkook's hands roamed your body, caressing your back, your breasts, your thighs, as if he couldn't get enough of touching you.
"You're so beautiful," he murmured, his voice a husky whisper. "So fucking perfect."
You leaned forward, capturing his lips in a heated kiss. His lips were soft yet demanding, moving against yours with a fervor that matched the rhythm of your hips. You could taste the lingering sweetness of mulled wine on his tongue as it slipped into your mouth, exploring and claiming.
As you bounced on him, your movements became more urgent, driven by the growing need that coursed through your veins. You were getting riled up. You knew you wouldn't cum. At least not like before.
You broke the kiss, gasping for air, your forehead resting against his. "Jungkook," you moaned, your voice trembling with need. "I need you."
Jungkook's hands moved to your hips, guiding you, urging you to move faster, harder. The friction between you was exquisite, each movement sending waves of pleasure through your body. His kisses grew more desperate, more demanding.
"I'm right here, baby," he groaned, his hands tightening on your hips, his own need evident in the way his body moved against yours. "You're doing so well. Keep going."
You closed your eyes, losing yourself in the rhythm, the sensation of his body against yours. The room was filled with the sound of your heavy breathing, the soft hum of the Christmas lights, and the quiet creak of the couch under you.
You glanced down where your pussy swallowed his cock, noticing the bulge in your belly growing each time you slumped down on his cock.
"Cum for me, baby," Jungkook whispered, his voice a low growl that sent shivers down your spine. "I want to feel you."
You shook your head slightly, the frustration and the numbness from the medication making it difficult to reach the peak you both desired. "I... I can't," you gasped, feeling the tears of frustration prickling at the corners of your eyes.
"Yeah, you do, baby. I know you can." Jungkook's voice was firm but encouraging, his hands guiding your hips as he increased the intensity of his movements.
He shifted slightly, angling his hips to hit that perfect spot inside you with each thrust. His thumb found your clit, rubbing gentle but insistent circles that sent jolts of pleasure through your body. The combination of his relentless thrusts and the skilled motion of his thumb began to break through the fog of numbness.
"Just focus on me," he murmured, his voice low and soothing. "Feel every touch, every movement. You're so close, baby. I can feel it."
You let out a soft whimper, your body responding despite the numbness. The tension inside you began to build again, each touch, each thrust sending waves of pleasure through you. Jungkook's presence, his voice, his touch, all combined to draw you closer to the edge.
"Come on, baby," he urged, his voice thick with arousal. "You're so beautiful like this, so perfect. Let go for me. I know you can."
You closed your eyes, focusing on the sensations, on the heat of his body against yours, the rhythm of his movements. The frustration began to ebb away, replaced by a growing need, a desire to reach that peak, to give him what he wanted.
"That's it," Jungkook whispered, his voice a mix of encouragement and command.
You could feel the tension coiling inside you, tighter and tighter, until it was almost unbearable. But the finish line not close at all. You could feel the pleasure building, but it was like reaching for something just out of your grasp.
You clung to him, your nails digging into his shoulders, your breaths coming in short, desperate gasps. A little drop of sweat rolling down your forehead. You knew you had to come somehow or this wouldn't stop. He wouldn't let you go, he would know if you faked it right away.
You forced yourself to concentrate on his touch, on the rhythm of his movements, on the sound of his voice. You felt the tension coiling tighter inside you, every nerve ending tingling with anticipation. Jungkook's relentless pace, the way he filled you so completely, the firm circles his thumb traced over your sensitive spot.
"Jungkook," you gasped, your voice trembling with need and desperation. He leaned in to take one of your nipples into his mouth, his thumb moving faster against your clit, his thrusts deep and steady. You bit your lip, trying to channel all your focus into the sensations he was creating.
With a final, desperate cry, you felt the coil inside you snap. Your body convulsed around him, your muscles clenching and releasing in a rhythm that matched the pounding of your heart. Jungkook held you through it, his movements never faltering as he guided you through your release.
The aftershocks of your orgasm slowly receded; after all, it felt like you only edged hard instead of cumming but that was good enough for you to moan his name and shake for him to be sated.
You collapsed against him, your body spent, your mind hazy. Jungkook followed you over the edge, his own release shuddering through him as he buried himself deep inside you. He held you close, his breath warm against your neck, his heart beating in time with yours.
"You did so well," he murmured, his voice filled with pride and affection. "So perfect for me."
For now, that was enough.
Enough for him to give him hope that you are his and he is yours.
The church bells rang out a somber melody as you and Jungkook stepped inside the grand cathedral. The last time you were here was when you told your parents you didn't get accepted to MIT for neuroscience as they wanted. Instead, you had announced your desire to pursue a career in the fashion industry. You still remembered their horrified faces.
Jungkookâs grip on your hand was firm but gentle as he guided you to a seat near the front. Garlands of evergreen and red ribbons decorated the aisles, reflecting the deep religious commitment of Jungkookâs family. Yours believed in science, and if you went to church, it was only for the image it gave your parents. But Jungkook insisted that you, as in you and him, cannot skip the service. Itâs a no-no in the family.Â
Seeing Jungkook in something so not hipster or at least, fuck boy like, made you re-think just how much he had grown as a person without you ever noticing. The crisp white shirt tucked neatly into his tailored black slacks, a perfect striped suit jacket on top, tie underneath, all Bloomingdale, you took a mental note. The hint of cologne that wafted every time he moved made him look almost unrecognizable compared to the tattooed, oversized-hoodie-wearing Jungkook you first met and it made you wonder when did you start seeing him as a helpless heartthrob. Gone was the boy and instead there was this stand-up guy holding your hand.
You settled into the wooden pew once the priest began the service with a deep, resonant voice. You tried to focus on the words, on the serenity of the moment, but your mind kept drifting to the upcoming dinner. This had to be the performance of your lifetime. But you have to try to endure words that have no meaning to you or your soul while you wait for the innocent naivety of distant futureâs mothers and fathers, lawyers and doctors, or good people and vigilantes, in the form of a child choir, to start singing.Â
You spotted Hoseok and what looked like Kim Namjoon with, you assumed, Peaches, nearing your seats. Jungkook's grip tightened slightly, a silent signal that he was aware of their approach. He was scared youâd run away, that youâd ruin everything. He was right to be scared. To ruin their family Christmas might be on your Grinch wishlist, but you would be the most obedient woman on the planet if you had to. Because that meant, you had a chance of getting out of that ugly block of a tall building more than once a month when you begged for it. How youâd get rid of your "boyfriend," that was a story for another day.
While the service continued, you felt a hand slip into yours, warm and reassuring. You looked up to see Peaches smiling gently at you, her curly blonde hair framing her full face, and her eyes filled with quiet strength. She was wearing Versaciâs black slit medallion dress that you thought there is no way to get after the 94â movie showgirls. But she has them, and a what seemed to be a very nice fur coat draped over her shoulders.Â
She was quite the beauty, and your brain immediately imagined her on a runway. Although she was rather petite next to a man like Kim Namjoon. She squeezed your hand lightly, a silent gesture of support. It was comforting, and for a moment, you felt a small spark of hope.
"Hi," she said quietly, and at that moment, you couldnât hate her like you hated the rest of them.
"Hi," you whispered back, offering a small, tentative smile. Her presence was unexpectedly soothing, a reminder that there might be allies or at least people who sympathized. But mere sympathy wouldnât help you get out of this arrangement.
Jungkook noticed the exchange, his eyes softening slightly, though his grip on your hand remained firm. He leaned in, his breath warm against your ear. "Youâre doing great," he murmured, his voice low and encouraging. "Just a little longer."
Hymns filled the air, and the congregation joined in with reverence. You tried to let the music and the surroundings wash over you, to find some peace in the chaos of your mind. Peachesâ hand in yours was a constant source of comfort, a silent promise that you werenât completely alone in this.
The service drew to a close. The priest offered a final blessing, and the congregation began to disperse. Jungkook helped you to your feet, his hand never leaving yours.
"Good to see you both," Hoseok greeted, his smile genuine but his eyes sharp. "Are you ready for the dinner tonight?"
Jungkook nodded, his grip on your hand tightening slightly. "Yeah, weâll be there. But weâre stopping by my parentsâ house first."
Namjoon glanced at Peaches, whose movements showed pain once she stood up. Nonetheless, she gave you a reassuring smile.
"Weâll see you there," he said, his voice calm and composed.
As you walked out of the cathedral, Peaches leaned in and whispered, "Donât let them get into your head."
Her words resonated with you as you made your way to the car. Jungkookâs parents' house was your next destination, and you knew you had to maintain your composure. This was your chance to prove yourself and eventually free yourself.
Jungkookâs family home was grand and imposing, decorated lavishly for the holiday season.
You took a deep breath as you stepped out of the car, Jungkook by your side. He gave your hand a reassuring squeeze before leading you to the front door.
The door swung open before you could even knock, revealing Jungkookâs mother, her face lighting up with excitement. She was a petite woman with a warm smile, but her eyes were sharp and assessing.
"Jungkook, darling!" she exclaimed, pulling him into a tight hug before turning her attention to you. "And this must be Y/N!"
She reached out and took your hands in hers, her grip surprisingly strong. "Itâs so lovely to finally meet you," she said, her eyes flicking down to your fingers for a good moment before she realized that what she was looking for was not there. Her smile faltered slightly but she recovered rather quickly when she saw your confused mimics.
You forced a smile, feeling a bit overwhelmed by her forwardness. "Itâs nice to meet you too, Mrs. Jeon."
"Aish, thatâs how the staff calls me," she said with a light chuckle, waving her hand dismissively. "You call me eomma, honey."
Before you could respond, her gaze had already shifted, and she was inspecting you more closely, her hands suddenly on your shoulders, then your arms, and finally your stomach.
"You will be so pretty with aâ" she began, her tone filled with genuine admiration, but her hands still firmly on your midsection.
"Eomma!" Jungkook interrupted abruptly, his voice firmer than usual. He gently but decisively moved her hands away from you. "Ya, is that a sponge cake Iâm smelling?"
Mrs. Jeon blinked, momentarily thrown off, before breaking into a warm smile. "Oh, yes! I made your favorite, Ggukie-ah!" she said, her enthusiasm shifting to the mention of the cake.
The dining room was filled with people, all of whom seemed to know each other well. You felt like an outsider, but you kept a polite smile on your face, determined to make a good impression. This house, or rather mansion, was overwhelming. Tall ceilings and crystal chandeliers loomed overhead, and the mansion was beautifully decorated, with twinkling lights and elegant ornaments adorning every corner. A massive Christmas tree stood in the center of the hall you passed on your way, its branches heavy with decorations and presents piled high underneath. It seems that the Jungs or maybe this whole family is rather obsessed just as much with crystal as it is with kidnapping women.
Jungkook introduced you to everyone you didnât know, his grip on your hand never faltering. As you sat down at the long, elegant table, you noticed a blonde man watching you from across the room. His name was Park Jimin, and you knew exactly who he was.
A goddamn chairman of Dior looking at you and your little black dress Jungkook insisted you will wear. It was a gift, from whom he did not say. And your heart could not reject such a fine piece. 1947 Christian Dior, a classic embodiment of the fifties shape. You loved them, and your selfishness could not choose to not wear them. Jungkook was not bluffing when he said someone who could give you the job would be here after all.
The shocked look Jungkook noticed on your face when he introduced you to Jimin was much more evident than you intended it to be. He gave you a reassuring nod, and you took a deep breath, ready to face whatever came next.
"So, Y/N, how did you and Jungkook meet?" Hoseokâs voice raised above the murmur of conversation once the tightest circle settled around the table. Among what they refer to them as the elders. Parents, and other relatives. The previous generation you may call them, and judging by the greyness of some of their hair, even the one before. Jungkook did lend you to them to answer some, rather, traditional remarks that you tried not to let rot in your brain.
Oh dear, what a beauty you are, surely your children will be as beautiful. You look like a perfect match. You have such a kind face, dear. I'm sure you'll make a wonderful wife and mother.
Among which is the how you and Jungkook met.
This question was no different in the message it was sending.
His question was casual, but you sensed the curiosity behind it. His wife was sitting next to him and on the other side, none other than Namjoon and Peaches, followed by Seokjin, Yoongi, Taehyung, and Jimin. It looked almost biblical, this kind of hierarchy.
You smiled, trying to appear as natural as possible. You know he knew, every single person in this room knew that he knew but he asked anyway. His wife nudged him gently to stop prying, but he did not pay her more mind than putting his palm on her swollen belly.
"We met through work on Kleinâs campaign," you began, your voice steady despite the pressure. They were waiting for you to slip up so they could eat you alive like hungry wolves.
Peaches smiled warmly, her hand resting on Namjoon's. You arched your brows at her demeanor as you could not quite place the state of her mind when it comes to, you know, all this.
Jungkook squeezed your hand gently, his eyes filled with pride.
"Ah, the Klein campaign," Seokjin said, his tone light but his eyes sharp. "That was quite a project, wasn't it? Jungkook mentioned how pivotal your role was."
Kim Seokjin is a lawyer. And a goddamn good one. The man would get you out of the death penalty and thatâs maybe why Hoseok is keeping him close. At least, thatâs what you heard. Each and one of them is somehow valuable to the infrastructure you donât have the right to glimpse into, just yet. But how Jungkook falls into this scheme remains unknown.
You nodded, maintaining your composure. Breathing in and trying to ignore what his words were suggesting.
"Yes, it was a significant project. We both put a lot of effort into it."
"Effort, indeed," Yoongi chimed in, his voice low and smooth. You could not overlook the undertone. Jungkook narrowed his eyes at his oldest Hyungs, not quite understanding what they were trying to do. And here you thought he asked them to test you. You felt your cheeks heat up, the scrutiny intensifying.
Hoseok's wife, sensing the tension, tried to steer the conversation into something moreâ
"I loved the collection. Gguk is one hot motherfucker, cannot lie with that one."
You would not know how to call this kind of linguistic expression but, it seems, it worked.
Laughter erupted around the table, the tension easing slightly. Jungkook blushed at her comment, scratching the back of his head.
"Thanks, noona," he mumbled, clearly embarrassed but also grateful for the lighter mood.
Namjoon, ever the diplomat, leaned forward with a curious expression. "Y/N, what was the most challenging part of the Klein campaign for you?"
And now this started to seem like an interview. But for what? The job you were hunting for let's see if you can handle this family interview. You are trying to convince yourself that someone like Kim Namjoon cannot be this incredibly dull because heâs only testing how youâre going to behave. How do you know your way with words as this family needs to keep appearances.
You heard bits and pieces that you are now able to connect, at least a little. Jungkook was not in your imaginary map of this empire that people talk about in hushed voices. You were never that interested; you just wanted to keep doing what you love and have a roof over your head. Now you gotta do a lot more than just mind your business if you wanna stay in the line of your work.
Why?
Because you bloody want to.
You bloody want to reach the toppiest top of tops in the fashion industry as a designer. Even after all of this. You still want that; otherwise, youâd perish already. This dream of yours proved to be a conflict of interest not only in your head but also in this family.
To be or not to be, that is the question.
You took a deep breath, feeling the weight of all eyes on you.
"Jeon Jungkook."
You said that with a somewhat strange lightness in your voice. Jungkook choked a little on his wine and Taehyung, who sat opposite him, gave him an exclusive view of his mischief grin, his tongue darting out to touch his upper teeth.
Another set of laughter erupted around the table. Jungkook, still recovering from his mini-choking incident, chuckled and squeezed your hand. And it was in that moment, amidst the laughter and warmth of this, letâs say, unconventional family, that you felt a sense of belonging you had never experienced before. Growing up, warmth and familial affection were foreign concepts, mere figments of your imagination. But here, with Jungkook and his family, you were starting to understand what it meant to be part of something bigger, something warm and real, and you certainly didnât know how to feel.
People call them greedy but they prefer ambitious. Ambition, after all, is what drives us forward. Isnât it? They weren't just a family; they were a well-oiled machine, each cog turning in perfect synchrony. Each person at the table had a role to play, a purpose that intertwined with the others.
The room seemed to close in as you sank deeper into your thoughts. The warm glow of the chandelier overhead, the laughter that felt like a distant hum in your ears, the rich aroma of food in the airâit all became background noise and your head was reeling with questions you wanted answers to.
What is it that changed within you?
The evening wore on, and it seemed Jungkook was more than pleased with you today, judging by how extremely happy he looked talking to his Hyungs. But your attention was on one person only now.
Jimin approached you during a lull in the conversation. "Can we talk for a moment?" he asked quietly. You turned your face back to Jungkook. You knew better, so you opted to ask for permission to be excused for a moment. You met Jungkookâs eyes, his expression softening slightly as he saw the silent request in yours. His gaze lingered for a moment before he gave a subtle nod, a gentle smile tugging at the corner of his lips, as if assuring you it was okay.
You stood up, excusing yourself politely to the group, and followed Jimin, your heart picking up its pace with every step. The air between you felt charged, as if there were unspoken words waiting to be voiced.
Once you were out of earshot from the others, Jimin led you to a quieter corner of the house, the low hum of the gathering fading into the background. His eyes met yours, and you could sense a mix of nervousness and something deeper behind them.
"I see youâve received my gift." You glance down at the dress, fingers brushing the soft fabric.
"Thank you, Jungkook have to insist I wear themâ" A small smile tugs at his lips, but thereâs a flicker of uncertainty in his eyes. The held a quiet intensity, his usual playful demeanor replaced with something far more serious. The atmosphere around you seemed to change as he spoke, his words carrying weight.
"Itâs good youâre focused on Jungkookâ" his hands were paying attention to the crystal glasses he was pouring Kimâs brandy into.
"Well, itâs not like I had a choice." You stumbled awkwardly. You cannot mess this up, Y/N. You just canât. You kept repeating to yourself that you had to, or otherwise, youâd do something Jungkook would not fancy at all.
Jimin didnât seem to notice your discomfort as he handed you a glass of brandy, his gaze still fixed on the amber liquid swirling in his glass. "Youâve always got a choice in this family," he said, his voice low, almost too calm for the conversation you were having.
"Itâs up to you if you choose wrong or right."
The words hung in the air, sharp and heavy, as Jiminâs gaze finally met yours. You took a slow breath, trying to steady the racing thoughts inside your mind. The glass of brandy in your hand suddenly felt like a weight you werenât prepared to carry.
"What do you mean?" the words slipped from your mouth before you could stop them.
"Jungkook might not be in the center of all thisâ" he gestured to the lavish room you were in. This was a private office, and from what you gathered with your wandering eyes, it was Hoseokâs office.
"But he is still part of the family just like I amâ" His posture relaxed, but his eyes betrayed an undercurrent of something deeper. You listened to him, gulping every word he said. "Just like you ought to be."
"Heâs not just the charming guy you think he is. Heâs tied to a world you donât understand yet, and itâs not a world you can just walk away from if things go south."
For a moment, you couldnât find your voice.
"Why are you telling me this now?" He took a long sip of his brandy, his gaze flicking briefly to the door before locking onto yours again.
"Because I need you to understand you are going nowhere if I offer you the position." The air between you thickened, and your pulse quickened as Jiminâs words sank in. You opened your mouth to respond, but your voice faltered. Jimin let out a soft sigh, the corner of his mouth curling up slightly as he leaned in, his voice lowering, now more direct.
"I need you to know that this is a goddamn privilegeâ" But the look in his eyes told you it wasnât that simple.
"Women in this family do not work, they donât have to." His voice was low and measured, but there was no mistaking the command behind his words. You slightly flinched at such an old stereotypical remark but remained silent. You canât slip away.
The room felt smaller suddenly, the space between you shrinking with each word he spoke. You tried to steady yourself, to push past the shock and confusion that was flooding your mind, but it was difficult. And suddenly, you did not know whether you actually wanted this.
"Gguk seems to think that this will bring you two closer." His tone shifted ever so slightly, a faint edge of something you couldnât quite name creeping into it. He wasnât just making an observation, he was planting a seed, subtly drawing attention to something you hadnât yet fully realized.
"So pardon me for ensuring that it fucking will."
You stood there, the glass of brandy suddenly feeling like it might slip from your hand, the weight of his words crashing over you. He leaned back slightly, his posture shifting to one that seemed more confident, more relaxedâlike he was watching a show unfold and you were its central character.
"Hoseok was not pleased altogether, let me tell you thatâ" The silence that followed was deafening. Your mind raced, trying to process everything that had been said. Where is this leading to?
"âbut if this helps you to know your place here, so be it."
"Jungkookâs not immune to the politics of this family. And neither are you," Jimin continued, his eyes narrowing slightly as he took another sip of brandy.
"So what is it you want from me?" Your voice came out stronger than you expected, but your heart was still pounding. You needed to know what he was after, what his angle was in all of this.
Jiminâs smile deepened, his eyes glinting with something unreadable.
"There you go." He mused, laughing softly.
"You can have it all,â" he said, his voice soft but cutting.
"âonly if youâre willing to make the right choice."
As the evening drew to a close, you found yourself standing by the Christmas tree with Jungkook. Back at the penthouse, the lights twinkled softly, casting a warm glow over the room. He looked down at you, his eyes filled with a mix of possessiveness and affection.
"You did well tonight," he murmured, his hand gently cupping your face. "Iâm very proud of you."
You smiled up at him, feeling a strange mix of emotions. He leaned in, his lips brushing against yours in a soft, lingering kiss. Jungkook's fingers trailed down your cheek, pulling you closer.
"Letâs get ready for bed, or Santa wonât come and eat his cookiesâ" he said, his voice husky with emotion.
You smiled a little at his goofiness and nodded. He took your hand, leading you to the bedroom. The room was dimly lit, the moonlight casting silvery shadows on the floor. You could hear the distant hum of the city below. Not even on Christmas can the never-ending busyness of Manhattan be stopped.
Jungkook started undressing, his movements slow and deliberate. He pulled his shirt over his head, revealing the chiseled muscles of his chest and the tattoos that adorned his skin. You couldnât help but admire the way the light played over his body, highlighting every contour and shadow.
As he turned to head to the bathroom, you slipped into the walk-in closet, needing a moment alone. The closet was a treasure trove of designer clothes, including your own designs for Klein. The scent of expensive fabrics and faint traces of perfume filled the air.
You closed the door behind you and leaned against it, the weight of the evening pressing down on you. Your heart raced, and your breaths came in shallow gasps. Panic gripped you, the pressure of the familyâs scrutiny and the reality of your relationship with Jungkook closing in. So how are you going to stop them from getting into your head if they already planted the seeds?
You sank to the floor, surrounded by the clothes that represented your dreams and ambitions. The panic intensified, and tears welled up in your eyes. You closed them tightly, trying to calm yourself.Â
Breathe, Y/N. Just breathe.
You focused on your breathing, counting each inhale and exhale, trying to ground yourself. Slowly, the panic began to subside, replaced by a sense of resolve. You couldnât afford to fall apart. Not now.
"Baby, you coming?"
Jungkook's voice filtered through the closed door, warm and concerned.
He had stood by you. The whole evening. The whole time, actually. The memory of his touch, his kiss, his⊠love.
You wiped your eyes quickly, taking another deep breath before standing up. The panic had subsided, leaving you with a fragile sense of calm.
You took a moment to compose yourself, looking around at the clothes that symbolized both your dreams and the immense pressure you felt. You reminded yourself why you were here, why you endured the scrutiny and the stress: because you had a vision, a goal to reach the pinnacle of the fashion industry. And now, Jungkook was a part of that journey, whether you had planned it or not.
"I want my life back," you whispered, the words barely escaping your lips.
Opening the closet door, you stepped back into the dimly lit bedroom. Jungkook was waiting by the bathroom door, his concern evident in the way he studied your face. His shirtless form was suddenly a comforting sight, his presence grounding you in the reality that he was here, supporting you.
"Everything okay?" he asked softly, closing the distance between you with a few strides.
"Yeah," you replied, forcing a smile. "Just a bit overwhelmed."
Jungkook nodded, accepting your answer but not entirely convinced. His bare skin glowed, every muscle defined and accentuated by the dim light, an embodiment of raw beauty.
"Want to wash it away?"
He took your hand, leading you into the bathroom. The steam from the shower had filled the room, creating a warm, misty atmosphere that was both soothing and intimate.
You undressed slowly, Jungkookâs eyes never leaving you. The way he looked at you, with a mix of desire and affection, made your heart race for an entirely different reason. You stepped into the shower together, the hot water cascading over your bodies, washing away the remnants of the eveningâs tension.
Jungkook pulled you close, his hands gliding over your wet skin. You rested your head against his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart. The sensation of his strong arms around you, his body solid and warm, was a comfort you hadnât realized you needed.
"You were amazing tonight," he murmured against your hair, his lips brushing your forehead. "I know it wasnât easy, and I want you to know that Iâm gonna keep my promise."
You pulled back slightly, looking up at him, your eyes searching his for any sign of doubt. But as you looked deeper, something shifted. The lenses through which you saw Jeon Jungkook began to tint with a soft, rosy hue. His face, so familiar yet infinitely captivating, seemed to glow with a newfound warmth. The world around you faded, and in that moment, the colors of your life transformed, blending into shades of pink and gold, painting a picture of somethingâŠsomething you never quite felt yet.
"Thank you," you whispered, your voice barely audible over the sound of the water. "It means so much to me, Jungkook."
He smiled, a small, reassuring smile that made your heart flutter.
"I love you, baby."
The hot water cascaded over you both, creating a steamy haze that made everything feel surreal. Jungkookâs hands moved gently, tenderly, as if he was afraid you might break. You felt safe, cherished, and for a moment, all your fears and doubts melted away.
You did not flinch anymore when he ran his slender fingers over your perky nipples, not when his other hand slipped down the small of your back to grip your naked ass cheek. Instead, you leaned into his touch and asked yourself the same question you did hours ago.
What is it that changed within you?
The first light of Christmas Day filtered through the heavy drapes of the penthouse, casting a soft glow over the room. The world outside was quiet, blanketed in a gentle layer of snow that muffled the usual city sounds. You woke up to the warmth of Jungkook's arms wrapped around you, his breath steady and calm against your neck.
Jungkook stirred beside you, his eyes fluttering open. He smiled softly, pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead. "Merry Christmas," he whispered, his voice husky from sleep.
"Merry Christmas," you replied, your voice still groggy. The scent of pine from the Christmas tree in the living room mingled with the aroma of coffee brewing in the kitchen. It felt like a picture-perfect morning, almost too serene for the turmoil that often lingered beneath the surface of your life with Jungkook.
He got up and wrapped himself in a robe before heading to the kitchen to prepare breakfast. You took a moment to collect yourself, trying to shake off the remnants of sleep and the ever-present tension. As you joined him in the kitchen, you noticed the table set beautifully, with a spread of breakfast items that looked straight out of a holiday magazine. There was bits of this and that on the tray and after a long time, you had an appetite to eat it all.Â
"Are we feeding an army or just trying to impress a really hungry ghost of Christmas past, Ebenezer?" you asked, raising an eyebrow at the lavish display.
Jungkook chuckled, a light-hearted sound that momentarily eased your nerves. "I thought we could indulge a little. Itâs Christmas, after all."
You nodded, taking a seat at the table. The food was delicious, and the effort Jungkook had put into making this morning special was evident. For a moment, you allowed yourself to enjoy it, to pretend that everything was normal.
After breakfast, Jungkook led you to the living room where the Christmas tree stood, twinkling with lights and adorned with ornaments.
"Jungkookâ" you began when you noticed the little beautifully wrapped box being tucked in the branches of the tree.
"I know, I know you said no gifts, but this is something for the both of us." His voice was gentle, almost pleading.
You sighed, but nodded, stepping closer to the tree. Jungkook reached for the box, carefully removing it from the branches. He turned to you, his eyes filled with an intensity that made your heart pound.
He handed you the box, his fingers brushing against yours. "Open it, baby," he urged softly.
Part of you wanted to freeze the moment, not because you wanted to remember this part of your life, but because you wished to not know what was coming your way. You had to decide now, and the tingly feeling inside of you, remembering Jiminâs words from last night, had never been clearer.
You can have it all, only if youâre willing to make the right choice.
Your hands trembled slightly as you unwrapped the box, revealing a small velvet case. You glanced up at Jungkook, your heart racing, but he simply nodded, encouraging you to continue.
You didnât need to say it out loud for everyone to know what was inside. Yet, it still took your breath away. Not that you expected any less from Jeon Jungkook.
The ring commanded attention, with its centerpieceâa large, marquise-cut diamond. Set in a band of lustrous yellow gold, the setting featured intricate, filigree-style detailing that adorned each side of the diamond, evoking the elegance of a bygone era. Delicate, smaller accent diamonds were carefully embedded within the gold framework, amplifying the ring's dazzle and enhancing its vintage charm.
Your breath caught in your throat as you looked up from the ring at Jungkook, who had dropped to one knee before you.
"Will you marry me?"
.
.
.
I N T E R L O G U E
Yoongi leaned against the wall, his brow furrowed in thought. "You know, Jungkook, the mind is a fragile thingâ"
"We've seen how the actual medication isn't helping her as much as we'd hoped. It's making her numb, Hyung. She's still spiraling. We need to try something different, something that might break through herâ"
Yoongi crossed his arms, contemplating Jungkook's words. "And you think this is the way? To trick her into thinking she's taking the medication?"
"Sometimes," Jungkook replied softly, "a little deception can lead to the truth."
The end of part two - side B
©pennyellee. please do not repost
tag list: @pamzn - @jaedayy (was unable to tag) - @mylyus-blog (was unable to tag) - @vanillacupcakefrosting - @jjeonjjk7 - @darkuni63 - @jeonaraathedreamer - @urlovelily - @kissyfacekoo - @looneybleus - @btspurplesky - @seokseokjinkim - @doulcha - @sexytholland - @minyngrl-blog - @mizuumii (was unable to tag) @ali99eel - @loomipee @jkslvsnella - @tearykth - @iveivory - @lachimolalajeon - @mother2monsters - @junecat18 - @mayvalentine33 - @ttanniett - @elle0604 - @mageprincess7 - @laylasbunbunny - @ashthetic7 - @00frenchfries00 - @weareatthebadlands (was unable to tag) - @annafarrr -
Don't be a silent reader, let's be friends chummers! Only love please! â„
see ya soon, love, p.
#bts fanfic#bts#bts fic#jungkook#jeon jungkook#jungkook smut#bts jungkook#jungkook seven#jeon jungguk#jungkook x reader#jungkook x you#jungkook x calvin klein#jungkook x oc#jungkook x y/n#jungkook yandere#bts x reader#jungkook scenarios#bts jk#bangtan#bts smut#yandere bts#yandere jungkook#90s aesthetic#fashion au#heartthrob#fic: champagne confetti
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winning you back pt.2
-where haikyu boys try to win back you their ex gf
-this is lwk depressing but maybe itâs bc of the music im listening to rn LMAO
contains; atsumu, tsukishima, kita, sakusa, oikawa, iwaizumi
pt.1 of winning you back here!
atsumu; He still very much has all your pictures on his feed that he never deleted and never will you had to go minimal contact with him because he kept texting you every other day to try to get back together, he still loves you and thinks your gonna be his wife and that this is just a rough patch, so when you post that youâre going to be volunteering at osamuâs restaurant for a charity that osamu is doing for young kids to get into volleyball he takes it upon himself to cancel his practice for that day and go and join you two and begged and forced osamu to make you too work together so he can talk to you, and those dam miyaâs being so good and weaseling there way back into lifeâs, it worked. You two are now talking again. You told him that you wanted to take this slow, but atsumu later that week posted a soft launch of you two at dinner.
tsukishima; tsukishima acts like heâs so nonchalant but no oneâs seen him cry over how bad itâs killing him that you can fully ignore him when heâs usually the one doing that. He hates how bad he fucked up so he decided to make a plan to win you back, what does that mean he had to do? work at the same cat cafe as you, at first you werenât on the same shifts and maybe hanging out with cats was a plus but getting crushed on by other girls wasnât. Anyways as soon and he saw you two were on the same shift he couldnât be more happy, it was a slow shift so he used this time to catch up and be very soft and respectful he saw you werenât fighting back so he was thinking that was a step forward, until later on when a girl came by to order a drink and was clearly flirting with him so tsukishima ignored her, as she said âcan i get your number?â you turned to see what he would do all he said was âno i have a girlfriend sheâs right there actually, i donât what gave you the confidence to think you could ask meâ he said laughing which left the girl embarrassed and you flustered.
kita; Kita is forever my yearning man. He writes letters for you and sends them, you kept them all because you still didnât get over him. He thought it was the right choice to let you go but he couldnât have been more wrong, and I fear kita is the type to have a romantic scene like the movies. So what? anyways he comes by your hour IN THE POURING RAIN. to apologize âiâm sorry im selfish for breaking up with you yn, i just clean up well i forget myselfâ OOOO YOU END UP SOBBING BC WHO WOULDN'T?! anyways safe to say you kissed in the rain and he won you back
sakusa; stubborn ass ho. He was shocked when you broke things off even more when you actually stood on business, sakusa was one to keep his composure and not crashout but he couldnât understand why he was so affected by the breakup itâs like his whole life flipped upside down. He even stopped keeping up with himself for a bit which was totally out of the norm. So when you saw him at your apartment in the lates of the night messy hair, wrinkles in his clothes looking dead you knew something was wrong, he almost felt like he could breathe again once you embraced him, disgusting and all and he didnât let go since and tried to change for the better
oikawa; He acted happy at first like it didnât matter because he thought you needed him more than he needed you. Oh how wrong he was, the fan girls didnât support him the way you did, didnât cheer for him the way you did, no one could cook as good as you, no one could get him out his depression like you could, so one night around 4am he gave you a call wanting to quit volleyball because he felt like he couldnât do anymore without you there, which broke your heart because you saw how bad he was struggling without you there and thatâs when he finally admits âI needed you more than you needed me. Come back yn, iâm sorryâ and you did because you needed him just as much as he needed you.
iwaizumi; it was mutual breakup but not really he just did whatever he could to make you happy he hated fighting with you, he never deleted your pictures, he still kept all your stuff that you didnât take at his house, he was still loyal even if you werenât together, He blamed himself for not fighting back. he became very very career oriented thatâs when he saw you at a job interview, you had just finished interviewing for the place he works at as a sports medical assistant. you werenât aware he was working there so he stopped you and asked to get lunch since you were leaving and he was on his lunch break. That's where he apologized for not doing more and still thought about you and asked for a redo and would do anything for a second chance, and you agreed because you felt the same.
tags; @solarvrse (for the atsumu one) @sahrii (for the iwaizumi one)
#cherrysurf writes#atsumu x reader#tsukishima x reader#kita x reader#oikawa x reader#kiyoomi sakusa x reader#iwaizumi x you#haikyu x y/n#haikyu x you#haikyu x reader#haikyuu x y/n#haikyuu x#haikyuu x imagines#haikyuu x you#haikyuu x gender neutral reader#haikyuu x reader
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ROBOTIC AFFIRMING - WHAT TO DO IF YOU TRIED BUT YOU STRUGGLED.
soo hi guys sorry it's been a while I've been really busy đ anywayy, let's get into it. I'll show you the steps I followed that helped me start robotic affirming all the time. 1 - WHAT IS ROBOTIC AFFIRMING? in it's simplest form, the way I understand it - affirming something over and over without emotion (or with if you want, up to u) a lot. it can really help you with your shifting & manifesting mindset. basically you repeat it over and over again until your mind gets SICK OF IT and accepts it as a fact. you've probably heard of it, tried it for a little but got distracted and stopped instantly. me too so its alright đ how to start doing it? here's how I did it - 2 - PICK AN AFFIRMATION i really suggest picking one simple, straightforward and really open affirmation. for example: I am a master shifter or I am a master at manifesting from now on, the guide will be based around "I am a master shifter" because shifting can be used for literally anything 3 - YOUR BELIEFS AROUND THE AFFIRMATION first, what is a master shifter to you? i want you to take your time, make an actual mental note of what you want master shifter to mean for you. an example: "a person who shifts successfully on every single one of their attempts, no matter the reality or the environment they are in." an example for manifesting: "a person who manifests everything instantly without any time lag, as soon as they intend to" what is a shifting attempt to you? for me, it's simply having the intention to shift. that's all it is. therefore, you shift every time you intend to. no matter what. that's it for the beliefs, it goes the same way for manifesting too so no worries there :) 4 - HOW TO START ROBOTIC AFFIRMING i have a really hard time forcing myself to do something too, that's why you can try building a habit! basically, find something you do all the time. something like drinking water, writing, drawing, any of your hobbies/other habits and try to force robotic affirming onto them. every time you become aware/remember abt robotic affirming, start doing it and eventually in a few hours even you will start doing it subconsciously all the time you do that habit in without realizing it. that's how i did it, rn im trying to make myself robotic affirm everytime i win/lose a round in a game im playing and it seems to be working as well as the other things thats it! remember, YOUR BELIEFS SHAPE REALITY. just assume that robotic affirming even for 1 minute will change your entire mindset and it will lmao thats how easy it is
#shiftblr#shifting motivation#shifting realities#loassumption#neville goddard#reality shifting#desired reality#loa tumblr#shifting#robotic affirming#loa success#how to manifest#affirm and persist#loassblog#loass
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â HOTEL ROOM â
PART ONE!!
warnings: m recieving, getting caught kinda?, sneaking around, gagging, cumshot, alcohol, weed, straddling
summary: you and matt HATE eachother, but on a school trip hou find yourself inside a hotel room with him for 2 weeks, but you and chris did something inside of the room whilst he was gone. read to find out!!
a/n: this will be a series/chapters!! also i will be finish my other story i'm just leaving y'all cliffhanging teheh, it will be done by monday dw!!
chris talking = orange
matt talking = blue
your bsf talking = pink
you talking = white
warning: divider may not work on light mode!
i finally get off of the plane, we are in LA!! i grab my suitcase and talk to samantha
matt had the fucking urge to dirty look me, i flip him off and he grins, chris walking closely next to him
i can't lie, the way he hated me, turned me the fuck on
"if we're not in the same room i'm GOING to flip"
i laugh and shake my head
"oh me too, i can't stand anyone else here"
i mock a gag and she laughs
teachers are assigning our rooms
then she suddenly says
"samantha and paul, room 382"
my jaw drops
"wish me luck"
i sigh, now i've got to spend 2 weeks with someone i probably hate
"matthew and y/n, room 383"
you have GOT to be kidding me? out of everyone here they chose me and matthew fucking sturniolo
my hand grips my suitcase as i grab the key to the room and get in the elevator, hitting 3rd floor
matts at the other side of the elevator, avoiding eye contact. let's just say. awkward!
as i walk out of the elevator my heart pounds as i try and find the room,
i say to myself
"383, 383, 383"
i finally find it and put the keycard in and open the door, i take one look and my face drops
matt walks in behind me and drops his bags, equally as shocked as me
"one fucking bed? oh fuck no, this has to be a mistake"
i shake my head
"go talk to reception"
"ÂĄ can't believe im actually listening to your dumb ass"
matt walks back into the elevator and as he goes down i see chris walking past my room and he gives me a quick smile
"oh come on chris, just a smile, not spoke for ages!"
chris turns around
"yeah, s'been a while huh?"
i nod
"you going to this party tonight? matts taking this random girl so, wanna come with me? not as a date or anything just, for fun y'know"
i grin, loving the idea of an LA party
"'m in, but how we gon' get out without teachers seeing?"
chris chuckles and jingles keys
"didn't talk to reception for nothin' there the fire exit keys, so no alarm goes offâ
i grin, nodding with the idea
next minute
matt storms out of the elevator
"fuckin' apparently they didn't mix it up, last room they fuckin' have"
i sigh
"i'll just sleep on the sofa"
matt nods and walks into the room
âsee ya later, sweetheartâ
oh the way he said sweetheart had me pulsing, i squeeze my thighs together and he turns around, going toward his room as i walk into mine & matts room
"i'm gonna get ready for this party"
matt looks at me and snickers
"do you know what LA party's are like?"
i laugh
"course i do, why? think i can't handle a big person party huh?"
i smirk and grab my black corset, a pair of stockings, a black leather miniskirt and knee high black boots
"ive just never seen you, i mean,anywhere reallyâ
i sigh and walk into the bathroom to change
as i tied the corset, i sucked my stomach in so i can tighten it more but when i let my breath go, way too tight, i loosen it a bit, i look at myself in the mirror, and i smile, knowing goddamn right i look good
"i need to curl my hair"
i walk out of the bathroom and see matt in a pair of jeans and a checkered button-up tee, he looks me up and down before sighing and picking up his phone
after i curled my hair, a knock on the hotel room door, i stand up and lean my curling iron on the wooden table then look through the peephole, it's chris, hes wearing a fresh love hoodie and a pair of grey sweats
i open the door and grin
"well your early mister!"
chris' eyes linger from my thighs, to my boobs which the corset pushed up, to my lips, then my eyes
"your gon' get me in trouble t'night ma"
i grin
"nights not even started and your already horny?â
matt gags
"will you two shut the fuck up? and chris i-"
chris cuts him off
"yeah, we're done, jeez."
matt and chris are ready, they're waiting for me to finish doing my lipgloss, and as i finish, matt grabs his room keys
"don't expect me to drive you to the party as well"
i sigh
"'ll just get an uber, it's all goodâ
chris shakes his head
"no, your coming with me, your coming in my car"
i grin
"let's go then, what're we waiting for?â
as we walk into the house, the smell of alcohol and the faint smell of weed fills my nostrils, chris guides me to the kitchen where there is a heavy selection of drinks
âwhachu want?â
i sigh
âjusâ make me somethinâ good!â
chris nods and hands me a drink a minute after
i try it and surprisingly itâs not death in a cup
a few hours later, me and chris uber back as were too drunk to drive at all, weâre sat in the back of the uber singing
hotel room â montel fish
as we pull up to the hotel, we step out of the uber and walk inside, chris gives the fire exit key back to the girl behind the desk and we walk upstairs, and i pull him into my room
âma, you had me so fuckinâ hard tonightâ
his words came out slurred
i grin
âwant me to help, handsome?â
chris groans
âkeep talkingâ like that ill cream in my pantsâ
i push chris down on the bed, his head against the headboard as i crawl upto him, before anything, i straddle him and kiss him deeply.
he bites my bottom lip and i open my mouth a bit to give him full access, our tongues dance as we slowly pull away, i plant kisses to his jawline, neck, and keep moving down until iâm at his waist band
i look up at him through my eyelashes, his head nodding instantly, giving me permission to continue, i unbutton his jeans then unzip the zip, slowly, very slowly
chris groans and throws his head back in impatience and i grin, looping my fingers into the waistband of his pants and pull them down , his boxers following quickly
i was pretty stunned at how long he was, how was that gonna fit in my mouth
i lick up his shaft and decide to focus on the tip
âoh ffuuuck ma- yâkeep doinâ it like that iâm gonâ cumâ
i grin and my tongue flicks over his tip, i taste the precum on my tastebuds as i hear him moaning my name
âffffuck y/n, yeah yeah, keep doinâ that, goinâ down on your enemyâs brother? fuckinâ slutâ
i feel him twitch inside of my mouth, signalling hes close
his hand tangkes in my hair, making a makeshift ponytail as his hips roll up into my mouth as he finds his release, hot ropes of cum go to the back of my throat
iâm took out of pleasure when i hear
âare you fucking kidding me?â
part two!! âŹïž
a/n; hopefully yâall liked this one!! i found this so fun to write
@mattsobvimyfav (heard about this before yâall)
#chris sturniolo#christopher sturniolo#sturniolo#sturniolo triplets#chris smut#matt sturniolo#sturnsvelocity#sturniolo x reader#sturniolo smut#sturniolo fanfic#matthew sturniolo
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first arguments
đ§ș park gunwook x reader fanfic // lowercase intended // cw: angst, fluff, stress, crying, lots of affection in the end // wc: tba // requested
đa/n: this took awhile bc i got lazy!!! not proofread and it has been awhile since i last read this wtf
lately, you have been busy with a paper assigned to you that would pull your grades up for the class youâre currently struggling with. this was your last opportunity to get a good grade on the subject, and you werenât going to let it slip. you were giving it your all, even ignoring nearly everything around you just to work on the paper. you even rejected your friendsâ offer to hang out just to work on it. you came to neglect your own needs for it, saying âiâll reward myself with as much food as i want when i finish this.â so you could focus on your paper.
gunwook was unaware of this, as he had just gotten back from his own busy schedule, with tours, comebacks, and such. he was so excited to see you, so when he got off hehe immediately messaged you. and messaged.. and messaged⊠and messaged. heâd sent you nearly thirty texts, but you didnât respond. no worries, heâll just call you. no response. now he was worried, where are you? why arenât you replying to him? are you okay? millions of questions run in poor gunwookâs head, and he canât take it. he decides to give you a visit, so he can see why you arenât replying and whatâs got you so occupied.
he arrives at your door, arms crossed after he rings your doorbell. he has a key, but he wants you to open the door. he needs to see you, or else he might go crazy.
as the door starts to creak open, he immediately enters your home, and looks around. he smiles to himself, seeing your apartment always comforted him. he treated it like his second home, since he always visits and stays with you when heâs free.
âgunwook, what are you doing here? i thought you were busy.â you ask him, voice slightly raspy from the lack of water. thatâs weird. usually you greet him with a âwelcome home! i missed you so much, love.â finally, he turns his attention to your physical state. skin pale, dark circles under your eyesâ both signs of lack of sleep. you also hadnât been drinking much water, the raspy tone of your voice proved that to him. heâs worried, concerned for your health. he can clearly see that you havenât been taking care of yourself. âi missed you, angel. i came here to see you.â he pulled you in for a hug, and you weakly hugged him back. âhave you been taking care of yourself? you look paler than usual and your voice seems raspier. you look like you hadnât slept in days, angel.â
his question catches you off guard, so you immediately change the topic. âwhen did your schedules end? i honestly thought you wouldnât be back âtil like next week, or something.â gunwook frowns at your attempt to dodge the question, so now youâre stuck. because if gunwook has a question, heâs going to get the answer no matter what. âdonât dodge my question, love. are you taking care of yourself? or are you not getting enough sleep? tell me please.â he asks you softly, not wanting to sound too serious.
this annoys you though, and you immediately get defensive. âiâm fine, i donât know what you mean. honestly, why are you even here? i donât remember getting messages from you about coming here.â you say, crossing your arms and waiting for his answer. he sighs, shaking his head at your defensiveness. âi did text. i even called you. i sent like twenty messages and called you six times, but no reply. plus i just missed you, and i wanted to see you.â you roll your eyes at his response. âwell now youâve seen me. you can go do whatever.â
âwhy are you being so rude? all i did was check on you. i even went here just to do so and you treat me like you donât even know me.â he argues, wanting answers. why are you acting like this? did he do something? âim busy. i should honestly go do my paper instead of standing here and arguing with you. plus i never even asked you to come did i? i didnât ask for you, so why would you even come? god, i donât even want you here.â venom. venom is the only thing that fits the description of your voice when you say those words.
oh. your words run deep in his head. âi didnât ask for you,â âi donât even want you here.â gunwook knows that you donât mean what you said, youâre just stressed. that doesnât stop it from hurting, though. youâve exchanged hurtful words before during your arguments, but it was never this bad. âshe might be really stressed, maybe i should just leave her alone for now.â he thinks, tears now threatening to come out of his eyes anytime. âuhm⊠okay. iâll just go, bye. i love you, please take-â sniffle âtake care of yourself.â with that, he heads for the door. sniffling and wiping his tears away with his hand.
when he leaves, it is only then that you start to process what happened. you think to yourself, âoh my god, how could i be so cruel? all he did was check on me.â you never meant to hurt him with your words. you especially didnât mean to make him cry. this was the first time you saw him cry over an argument, so you know you really hurt him.
ultimately, you decide to give gunwook some space. you still decided to shoot a message to him, to let him know youâre sorry and you never ever meant what you said.
âhey angel. iâm so so sorry for saying that to you. itâs not true at all. i do want you here, i always do. youâre my favorite person in the whole world, and i literally need you. i know this apology isnât enough, and i really want to make it up to you. iâll be here waiting. come back when youâre ready, i love you so much and iâm so sorry. â€ïžâ
you stare at the message. it took a couple of minutes for you to hit send. your heart hurts even more when you see that he read your message immediately. even in situations where he should ignore you, he doesnât. regret feels like venom running through your veins, and you feel anxious. he leaves a heart react to your message, and you feel a sense of relief.
when gunwook saw your message, he was still crying. he visited hanbin, their leader. he helped comfort gunwook and gave him advice. he even offered to drive him back to your apartment.
when he arrives at your door, he hesitates. what if you donât want him there? are you guys still okay? will you be mad at him for coming back? all those questions are running in his head, until he finally musters up the courage to knock.
and there you were, looking just as tired as him. probably even more tired. immediately, you let him in and you guys sit together on your couch.
âuhm,â you break the silence. âiâm sorry for blowing up on you like that. i was just really stressed. i was feeling really overwhelmed, i was working on a projectâ which i finished earlier. and i wasnât thinking right. i know thatâs no excuse for what i said, but i really want to make it up to you.â
gunwook listens carefully, making sure everything you say is heard and doesnât interrupt you. he only nods and hugs you before speaking. âitâs⊠itâs okay, i should have known you were busy when you werenât answering myâïżœïżœïżœ
you pull away from the hug, and cup his cheeks. âno, no! itâs not that. thereâs no way you would have known about me being so busy and stressed when i didnât tell you beforehand. donât apologize, just let me make it up to you. okay?â
he purses his lips, thinking of his response and just gives you an âokayâ before letting himself be pulled into another tight hug.
âthat was our first big fight.â he murmurs into your hair, rubbing your back. you sigh in agreement, the nerves and stress slowly leaving you now that youâre with him. âmhm, hopefully the last.â you say, and he nods at you despite the fact that you both know it wonât be the last time you argue.
you both just lay there, processing one of the first (out of many) challenges youâll be facing while in a relationship. heâs got his arms wrapped around you, his face in your hair. while you lay on top of him and you both cuddle it out.
and thatâs okay, because thatâs what makes your love stronger <3. challenges are a part of every relationship, and itâs something you both overcome together.
#â ËïœĄâàšà§Ë pinhinged#pin: asks á°.á#zerobaseone x reader#zb1 x reader#zb1 fics#zb1 fanfic#zb1 angst#zb1 fluff#zb1 scenarios#zb1 x you#zerobaseone x you#gunwook x reader#park gunwook x reader
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This is actually so dialogue heavy be warned.
---
"Im leaving Camelot."
Arthur nearly chokes on his wine and Gwen openly gapes at him.
Merlin laughs lightly at the look on their faces and Gwen's heart melts just a bit because how long has it been since they truly spent a moment together?
He stood in front of their table and Arthur took a moment to look, really look, at Merlin. His eyes were dark and his shoulders were broader compared to when he first came to Camelot. His smile was something Arthur hardly got to see anymore. And as Arthur processed the weight of Merlin's words, a sick feeling of dread slowly began building up somewhere in his heart.
"What? How- What brought this on, Merlin?" Gwen spoke, her voice quivering slightly. Arthur knew that she was likely fiddling with a ring on her finger, a nervous habit she picked up from him.
"I-" Merlin hesitated. One of his hands grasped at his forearm nervously. He looked like he might tear up. "I don't know what to do with myself now."
He locked eyes with Arthur.
"Ever since I first came to Camelot, I've lived in constant paranoia. I could never fully trust any friends I made for fear of the pyre. And- and when you started changing into this-," Merlin gestured to Arthur, "-this selfless, kind, brave king- I did everything I could to protect that. When you started courting Gwen, I did all that I could because I wanted you two be happy. It changed me, Arthur."
They knew about Merlin's magic but he had never truly told them about what Merlin had gone through throughout the years. They were stuck feeling helpless as the light slowly drained from his eyes, doing whatever they could but it never felt like enough.
He went on explaining.
"I turned into a weapon. My hands are stained with the blood of hundreds and yet it never mattered to me as long as you were both safe. But- when you stopped needing me?" Tears were flowing down his pale cheeks as he wiped them helplessly. Gwen got up immediately, rushing to wipe at them with a handkerchief. Arthur was right behind her, a hand on both gwen and Merlin's shoulders.
"I don't know what to do with myself. Gaius has a new physician's apprentice who's way better at medicine than I am, you and Arthur have George, Morgana is an excellent court sorceress, and I'm still here."
Arthur wanted to interrupt. It pained him, more than anything, to hear Merlin talk like that about himself. Like there was no worth in him other than how well he could serve others.
Gwen cried quietly. She had been so busy with learning the inner workings of court life that she missed how her best friend has been feeling.
"Merlin-"
"I need to find myself Arthur, Gwen. And- I can't do that here anymore." He looked so pained as he spoke. Gwen knew how selfish of her it would be to ask him to stay anyway but she wanted to, so badly. And she ached.
"..Okay," the king started, "if that is what you believe is best. But Merlin-"
"You will always, always have a place in Camelot. And I'm so sorry we ever made you feel like you didn't." Her voice came out strong, for she knew that Merlin needed something more, and neither the king nor queen could provide that anymore.
Arthur let his tears fall openly now, and he tightened his hold on them both, on his most precious people, the two who taught him to be better, to truly be a king. He loved them both so, so much. And his heart hurt with how badly he never wanted to let go.
And the three stayed there for a long while, weeping together. Eventually Merlin had to leave. Arthur resisted the urge to pull him back.
And Gwen couldn't see him off at the courtyard properly because she knew she would crack, beg him to stay, apologize a thousand times. And she didn't because she knew that Merlin would.
So when he left and long after they lost sight of his horse and lantern, they stayed by the window. Eventually, Gwen let out a sob and rushed into Arthur's arms. She mourned and cried and sobbed as loud as she needed and pretended like she couldn't feel a patch on her shoulder getting wet.
They fell asleep with heavy hearts and the knowledge of a ring on Arthur's desk that will never meet its intended hand, a third of a coin on a braided necklace that will never be accepted, a speech meticulously planned to ask him to stay with the two forever, to rule alongside them.
Perhaps a lot of things were left unsaid.
---
AAASJEHAIDBOS S
I read pt. 1 of @mysticsublimeperson's mergwenthur au a lonng time ago and this thing has been running around in my head ever since.
#mergwenthur#merlin#bbc merlin#arthur pendragon#bbc arthur#merlin fic#fic ideas#bbc guinevere#bbc morgana#bbc gwen#merlin bbc#merlin emrys#MY HEART#merthur#Mergwen
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if I stopped making art, nothing would change
Maybe I would find other ways to fill my time, maybe I'd do something more productive, or I'd find a new passion that made me proud of myself in a way making art isn't managing
I often ask myself, why do you draw? And the answer is because I want to, I feel compelled to try to make something, I have an idea I need to express
Im also very aware my skill level, technical abilities and consistency in production is nothing special. And no, it doesn't have to be good for art to matter, art can be impactful and significant in many, many ways that all feel beyond my capabilities
There are artists I dearly loved who stopped making art, and I dont know why they made that decision. Maybe it got made for them, or they moved on and my life was changed by it as I mourn their absence and wish them well when i revisit their work
If I stopped making art, maybe I could leave the deep rooted pain behind, the inadequacy and the scolding for drawing the wrong type of card for my hospitalized grandmother. Maybe I would move on from the humiliation of sharing work I made to no response . Maybe I'd be free from the stress and sadness that I don't make anything worth gifting yo someone else
I drew my first birthday card for a family member last year, after sitting in the silent rejection by my mother for years. I made it for my sister in law, who printed it out and hung it on her office spot. When she showed me I felt nauseous with anxiety and confusion, and I still can't understand her response
I still feel a mix of anxiety and nausea about sharing my work, and drawing anything for my friends still feel like I'm somehow insulting them by being so fucking shit at it
Im not going to stop drawing, and I don't know how to tackle the complex and evaluating vortex of my complete lack of confidence in myself. But I'm going to try, because I think the world is best when people make their art and share it and that includes even me
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obvious
we listen and we donât judge
in whichâŠavery convinced hamzah to do the tiktok trend âwe listen and we donât judgeâ
âi know you know exactly what trend iâm talking about,âavery turned her body so she was facing hamzah on his couch and bat her eyelashes dramatically, âpleaseee.â
hamzah sighed, âfine, but i need to think of some things first.â
âokay, yay!â avery set up her phone so it was set up in front of them on the coffee table. they repositioned themselves so that they were in frame and facing the camera.
avery started filming, âokay ready?â
âwait what? no give me some time girl,â he exaggerated before putting his head in his hands to think.
avery rolled her eyes before stopping the filming but not deleting that part.
five minutes later hamzah had finally done his thinking, âokay iâm ready.â
âfinally,â avery started filming again, âokay we gotta say it together, ready?â
âwe listen and we donât judge,â they slowly said together and being unable to contain a smile while looking at each other.
âone time when i spent the night at your place, i stole one of your hoodies and regifted it to my brother for christmas,â avery said, laughing through it.
hamzahâs jaw dropped open, âwhat?!? which one?!?â
âsee you donât even miss it!â avery exclaimed, âwe listen and we donât judge.â
âfine well one time i used your toothbrush,â hamzah said laughing, covering his mouth.
âhamzah! are you fucking kidding?!?â avery yelled and hamzah shook his head still laughing, âugh thatâs nasty, oh my god,â avery put her head down in her lap.
âwe listen and we donât judge!â hamzah said while shaking averyâs shoulders.
âokay sometimes i lie and say im really tired after work just cause i know youâll offer to get me food or make me something,â avery admitted.
âokay thatâs not bad, but now youâve ruined it , iâm not doing that anymore,â hamzah laughed.
ânoooo we listen and we donât judge!â avery complained.
âi have a photo album of just pictures of you in outfits Iâve thought looked good so that whenever youâre complaining about having nothing to wear, iâll just go through it and suggest one and it ALWAYS works,â hamzah shared proudly.
avery pushed his shoulder, âstop youâre lying, you weirdo,â they laughed together, âcan you share that album with me?â
âno itâs my secret,â hamzah said and avery rolled her eyes
âwe listen and we donât judge,â they both said together.
âi only listen to your podcast if i know i was mentioned in it,â avery said through a laugh.
âokay i know that already,â hamzah exclaimed throwing his hands up, âyouâre secretly a hater, girl.â
âno no i just hear you guys yap like everyday of my life, i do not need to hear any more,â avery said with a sorry look on her face.
âyeah yeah whatever,â hamzah said with a fake sad sigh.
avery pushed hamzahâs arm, âokay do one more.â
âwe listen and we donât judge,â they said together.
hamzahâs smile fell slightly, âlast time i picked you up after the bar, i had to fight quite literally every urge humanly possible in my body to ignore you basically throwing yourself at me,â he took a deep breath in and laughed, âit sucked.â
averyâs smile dropped and she stopped the recording, âokay well i canât post that.â
âi thought we werenât judging,â hamzah laughed and watched as averyâs face turned from what looked like surprise to confusion to beet red.
âway to ruin my funny video,â avery leaned back against the couch and slumped, âalso thereâs no way i was throwing myself at you, that seems a bit dramatic.â
hamzah scoffed, âyou literally referred to me as your âbooty callâ and said, and i quote, âi can think of a few things you could do with me.ââ
avery rolled her eyes, âokay yeah thatâs my bad,â avery looked around the room before looking back to hamzah, âmaybe try to look, you know, uglier when you interact with drunk me. she tends to have very little self control.â
hamzah laughed then smirked, âyou calling me cute, aves?â
âin your dreams,â she laughed, âyouâre mediocre at best.â
âyeah yeah, whatever you say, miss-â he threw up air quotes and mocked her in a high pitch voice, âoh hamzah please iâm so needy and helpless will you please help me undo my top?â hamzah did his best to reenact averyâs drunken movements and voice.
âiâm never calling you ever again,â avery stood up and began to walk to the other room.
hamzah watched her leave before yelling, âiâll be expecting a call friday night!â
ââ
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CaitVi Fic Rec Roundup (Nov/Dec)
Just a few fics I've read since the brainworms have taken over! Before I start posting my own like crazy silly, thought I'd spread the love and shout out a few of my favorites! Always looking for recs as well, so if you have any please send them my way! If I read enough of them (I suspect I will) then I will do a monthly roundup!
through the valley by hyxzw (@butchhorse) [15k, one-shot, complete]
TLOU CROSSOVER FIC OF MY DREEEEEAMS. My wonderfully big-brained friend wrote this beautiful fic and I am not saying this out of bias (ok maybe a little) but it is seriously one of the best fics that I have ever read of anything EVER. A creative combination of the two universes, spot-on characterization, and captivating prose.
desktop/folder/Firelights tour footage by gillywulf [8.3k, one-shot, complete]
It's a band au! A band AU told in a vignettes from the perspective of documentarian Cait WOWZA this one straight-up altered my brain chemistry. Great characterization, hits ya in the heart and the gut in the best way!
Earned Run Average by gillywulf [1.7k, one-shot, complete]
Same writer as the band AU above. Short, sweet, and packs a punch! Created a captivating world in so few words, I want to print it out, fold it up and eat it!
Pretty little face stopped me in my tracks by moonflowery (@elizabeth-mitchells) [2.6k, one-shot, complete]
Sweet, cute, hot, in-character PWP fic HELL YEAH! I read this right after I finished the show and it was the perfect fic in that moment! In-character smut MY ULTIMATE BELOVED!!!!
count the ways by sophnyx [42k, 8/8, complete]
Modern AU, enemies to lovers where they are neighbors in the same complex WOOOOOOOOO BABY this fic is so good it got me screaming into my hands while hiding in the bathroom at work!!! Loved the characterization, i love a fic where I can hear the interaction happening in my head bc it sounds like something the character would actually say. It is one of those fics I'm going to go back to read from time to time, like comfort food! The elevator scene THE ELEVATOR SCENE. ok im cool im normal. Please read this fic.
Papercuts (Work) by Anonymous [11k, 3/?, on-going]
The Ultimatum AU. Now. Listen. This is where I reveal too much about myself, and tell you all that I love shitty reality TV. Now that that's out there, it must be said that it feels like this fic has been written for me specifically! I have watched every season of the Ultimatum since it started, its messy reality dating show, and to put these characters in that situation AND keep them in-character??? INSANE FUCKING BONKERS IM GOING COO-COO-BANANAS!!!!! I am also just a connoisseur of niche AUs love writing them love reading them and this one??? FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC!!!!
#caitvi#caitvi fic#caitvi fic rec#arcane#arcane fic#caitlyn kiramman#vi arcane#vi x caitlyn#please send me some fics!#i would like to do more of this!!!#fic rec
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Byler questions bc why not.
1.Out of Mike and Will who do you relate to more and why?
2.What season did you start shipping Byler and why?
3.Are there any songs you associate with them?
4.What is your favourite Byler scene?
5.Whats your favourite Byler quote? (I.e âcool coolâ âit was a 7â
6.What is your favourite gate?
7.What type of confession would you like them to have?
THANK YOU FOR THE ASKS!!! đ«¶đ«¶đ«¶
1. I always thought I was a will my whole life I have always been artistic and very kept to myself about my love life. But recently I was like god damn⊠Iâm a Mike. Im extremely closeted I canât even say it aloud or come to terms with it. I have spent my life acting like I liked the opposite gender for others (and still doâŠ). Iâm told that I act like him a lot (I canât control my face when Iâm around people basicallyâŠ) EVERY TIME I say something everybody is like âokay Mike!đ€â also Iâm so clueless when somebody likes me đ
2. Oooo I started shipping them in s2! I never really thought about their friendship or anything till season 2 and ofc through all the scenes I saw in s2 I was like lawdddd they are gay! This was about 2018 I think and when s3 came out I was so obsessed with them I had an editing account (a horrible one) for them but nobody knew I shipped them because I was so scared what others would think⊠but now I write about them every day on tumblr so look at me now!!! đ
3. I have a whole playlist associated with them!! Called STurn 2:
(Tell me if it doesnât work!!!)
But some of my favourites are âHeroâsâ - David Bowie because duh I think any Conan gray song match them so well especially âthe cut that always bleedsâ, Strangers - Ethel Cain, love of my life - Queen, seven - Taylor swift (TRUSTT) and of course the classics Me and Micheal by mgmt (ANGST IN MY PANTS IS A BANGER TOO)
4. My favourite scene would definitely have to be ethier the van scene or the âshedâ scene. The van scene portrays their love for eachother in such a clear way and really keeps us all on edge how this painting will be brought up next season. Aswell as this scene showing that what they ultimately need is eachotherđ«¶đ«¶đ«¶. The shed scene is just perfection. I think that scene is Mike being his truest self and really showing the audience the real him. For me it was like a coming out scene the whole âit was the best thing Iâve ever doneâ is mikes way of trying to tell will how special he is to him. But I will say the rain fight is an honourable mention BECAUSE LAWDDDD
5. âIt was a sevenâ is my favourite I think it shows their bond and trust from the jump + that scene linking up to flickergate. âIf we both go crazy then weâll go crazy toghere right?â Is ALSO my favourite đđ
6. Pastagate ofc đ«¶đ rigatoni is gonna come right in and swoop will off of his feet!! But LETTERGATE đââïžđââïžđââïž will it happen? Probably not but the way my jaw would drop to the floor if bro just pulled out a box of letter he never sent I would go into cardiac arrest! Same with church gate my love â€ïžâ€ïž
7. Iâm a basic bitch đ I want the confession to be in rain to parallel the rain fight⊠BUT MIKE needs to be the one to initiate the kiss!!! I also would love for church gate confession!!! LIKE HELLO?!?! That would be abousetly insane gays kissing in a church?!?!? Abousetly iconic I must say. I need them to be yelling at eachother and then will says something and Mike is like âwhat?â đđ I wish I could broadcast the vision Iâm horrible at writing đïżŒ
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Idk what part of CO you're in, and for obvi doxxing reasons it's best not to specify further but as someone in a relatively expensive place here myself I've found decent enough comfort in museum work, most try to be at least a step above cost of living even a little, and offer solid solid benefits if you're full time for most entry positions if you need something to get by a lil more comfortably in this expensive ass state đ
you guys offering me job advice are all so fucking sweet, but genuinely I like working in the liquor industry and im not planning on changing fields, at least not for the next few years! I'm aiming to get at least my second sommelier certification done this year, if not my third as well, and most of my complaints about my job actually stem from them not giving me enough work to do. I want more responsibility and I want to be more involved, but the guy who they hired me to help has control issues and doesn't know how to delegate literally at all. it's a work in progress
anyway, tldr: thank you, I'm not actually interested in quitting my job, I get paid pretty well and by the end of this year im going to have the qualifications to move up in the industry if I want to. I promise I'm good
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Can you please make a post on how you work with your adhd instead of against it? Especially in studying and focusing.
Of course. Of course I can. And I will.
So the thing is I figured out the problem isn't that i cant focus, is that I can't focus on one thing for long enough. For as long as I need to to get tangible work done, but after sometime I will come back to it. The problem was that when I lost focus on the important things (Studies, work, cleaning, etc) I went to the things that were not important or even destructive (Scrolling, chatting, movies). Problem no.2, I need to be excited about it. I could have all the time in the world but If I'm not excited about it I won't touch it. It has to be interesting to me. It had to get my dopamine and adrenaline running. It has to be FUN. I have to want to. Problem no3. Sometimes I start out wanting to and excited and fun and the halfway I get bored.
So what does a badbitch do? A bad bitch Manipulates the variables to her favor. What am I? Im a bad bitch. So I bad bitch.
Like I said, I love myself. Which is to say I'm constantly working in my favor for me with me. Instead of dealing with them as problems I just deal with them as variables and like I was s scientist.
Variable no.1: the problem isn't I can focus- I do. Matter of fact,I hyperfixate. The problem is I don't always get to choose what I focus on.
What do I do then? Provide a wide array of things I would want to focus on at the same time and bombard my life with them and only them. Animals react to their environment and spend their whole life trying to make sense of it so that's that. I'll create an environment where ONLY the things I want to focus on are available to choose from, so it won't matter exactly what I'm focused on bc I am ultimately focused on a thing I want to focus on (and of course, getting rid of the things I don't want to focus on. Like social Media. That way no matter where my focus lands, it's fine.
Variable no.2: I need to be excited about it. Like shaking with anticipation. It needs to be fun. What do I do? I make it fun. I fill my time with other fun things that I have learned over time I am a geek about that have withstood the text of time. Machines. Psychology. Music. Physics. Mythology. Spirituality. Metaphysics. Fiction. Pavlov'd myself so hard the second I even see any of them I immediately get excited. I fill my space up with that. The courses I study. The hobbies I have. The ooks in my house. In my phone. My circles. My life mostly.
Variable no.3- Sometimes it loses the excitement and I can almost not go back. Well emotions are finite resources you can, in fact, run out- and I do just that. I use up all my fun deposits when I choose to have fun I go all out, in whatever way feels pleasing to me. I will spend a whole damn week deep diving because I felt like it then I'll use up that fun resource and I can function at 'normal' at least as normal as I can get. And because I am geek about it it adds up. And thing is, if i wear out the fun resource of A I have B to fall back on which is also something I need to focus on. Like if I can't bring myself to study communication okay I fall back to theology. If I hyperfixate on theology and forget everything else that's okay I'll run out of fun with it and fall back on Aeronautical Engineering- all things I want to focus on. If I lose fun in A there's always B and then C and then D and then E. I'm good.
This is the closest I could get to an explanation. This also only works because(/ is complimented by) :
When my focus falls on A I go ALL OUT on A. Above and beyond. I'll spend 10 hours studying one thing or perfecting my work so when my focus falls off I've gotten a decent amount of it done to cover for when I can't. When I go in I go INNNNN. I'll shut the whole world out esp in studies and work and it works because my information retention is pretty good.
No part of my living is dependent on what I do. I got my degrees because I actually wanted to study them not for work idc. I don't draw my living from employment and I only work for filing taxes and for my visa. SO if i slack off okay fire me idk. But I also make sure when I do work I'm good for it so my slacking can be passed over. If I fail exams (embarrassing af) its okay I don't exactly need the degree what will I do with my diploma in Theology? Be a pastor? I study it because it's fun and I'm curious, so although I would rather die before I fail it does not impact me much if I do. I'm not hard on myself because my survival does not depend on it. I spent all my teens and early 20s making sure my survival will never depend on employment.
CBT and therapy did help a lot, especially CBT. It's not as severe as it used to be.
Diet. Lifestyle, more of. No sugars no- You know the ADHD diet. No social media no empty mental calories no all that. I make it really really hard to get caught up in bs.
I'm also academically gifted so there's that.
I'm great at multitasking I can do 4 things at the same time and do them well. I'm posting and studying and working and chatting rn.
Narcissism and a God complex that tells me I can do whatever I put my mind to and I have proven it right for a whole decade.
Chances this helped? low. But it's the best I can do.
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@seahorses-of-gold here's part 2 tumblr won't post it all at once
21) youll smell different but the body odor really isnt that bad as long as you shower and wear deodorant. perfume or cologne if you want. the reason people say it's bad is because the average person going through male puberty is a cisgender teen boy and they are not known for exemplary hygiene practices 22) if you are a tense person and cannot relax your muscles then shots are probably not for you. i switched to gel around month 3 because i couldn't loosen my leg muscles up enough to make shots not painful 23) best way to get full dosage of gel is to administer it in the proper site, rub in lightly with a silicone spatula (use the ones made from 1 piece not the ones you can separate into 2 pieces), and then rub it in fully with your fingers. the amount that doesnt get on you is minimal 24) get a new silicone spatula specifically for this and wash with soap and water and dry before each use. they air dry fast btw 25) dont shower until 4-5 hours after applying 26) month 5 is about when puberty facial hair began. it will be there but it's gonna be like what a 15 year old boy is so it's up to you what to do with that 27) months 6-10 are when i got the most useful changes. around month 6 i began passing very, very regularly and by month 8 i passed perfectly as a cis guy. im not the most masculine guy in the universe so definitely a gay one but a male nonetheless 28) the men's bathroom isnt that bad as long as you pass decently well. just go in and get your shit done (literally if you have to) then wash your hands leave. men dont talk in the bathroom btw 29) most cis guys dont care if you never use the urinals. a lot of them dont anymore either it's more fun to slack off on your phone in a stall 30) there's a lot of strength increases during this time and they can be fun yet difficult to deal with because you dont know how to use your body yet. i kept grabbing things too hard for a few weeks, many drinks in plastic cups were spilled 31) if your goal is to pass (as was mine) you can absolutely try to make it happen faster however there's no way to know exactly when this will happen. my goal was for it to be within 1-2 years but it clearly was faster 32) if someone who passes fast pretends they're better than you or they did something "better than you" don't listen! they can give you advice yet you will never be the same person and that's ok. do things at your own pace and be patient 33) one piece of advice im very comfortable giving is that a deep voice goes a long way for passing. of course the low and slow dosage works wonders and another tip i have is to speak on the lowest register you can comfortably handle each morning. then speak regularly for the rest of the day 34) you cant make squeaky guinea pig noises anymore :( 35) you can be stealth if you want to there's no need to tell everyone everything. 36) months 8-12 felt like figuring myself out again. i was comfortable in my transition, looked and sounded like a cis guy, and ready to be weird again. this was absolutely the most fun time for me even if there werent huge changes in terms of transitioning 37) it took around month 12 for me to notice how well i actually pass. i did say that other people noticed around month 6ish yet it took me much, much longer. 38) i talk a lot about passing here because that was very important to me but if that isnt your goal it's ok!! your transition is individual to you. 39) dont let go of everything feminine that you've ever liked to force yourself to be more "manly" you'll just be sad and bored. unless you really wanna be a super macho man then go for it. i have pink highlights, i love jewelry, i love cooking, i love embroidery, i love glitter and fluffy animals. these things make life fun and id love them even if I were cis
would anyone appreciate a list of what i've learnt on my first year of T? there were so many unexpected things that no one told me about and I think it could help a few people!
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kind of afraid to post this because I predict someone will misunderstand and be upset at me. but this blog is means as a personal journal and i don't post here for other people or attentionâ
something I see in the autism community (especially on tumblr) is when a less-disabled/lower support needs autistic is proud of their autism or likes it or whatever, the more disabled/higher support needs people think that person is invalidating them/their experiences and speaking over them (I'm not talking about posts that generalize all autistic people/autism as a whole and try to speak for everyone and say it cant disabled you because *they* dont struggle themselves. i only mean posts where people are talking about only their own personal experiences) but i've seen many posts and replies that tell people not to celebrate/be happy about/romanticize/like their own autism. just because they are privileged to not be disabled by it, and not everyone is as lucky, therefore it invalidates those struggling.
I get that it can make you feel left out and invalidated, but not everyone being happy about an aspect of something is forgetting you, talking over you, trying to invalidate you, etc. they can celebrate something without needing to add a reminder that other people are struggling. their experiences are allowed to be good and they are allowed to be happy about it! you can celebrate the good without it meaning the bad is being overlooked too. people can be happy about the positive traits of a thing without it meaning they dont care about the negative ones or the people affected by them.
maybe it sounds mean to "leave you out" but there's far more posts about the struggles of autism than good ones, at least from what i've seen, but tumblr algorithm so maybe thats incorrect. if you look up autism online though, you get flooded by negative things more than positive. lower support needs people also often get told they can't be autistic/don't need help/dont deserve accommodation because they aren't autistic enough. (even I get told this all the time and I feel i'm probably more in the medium support needs?) there's not much good for the people who need the good, so they make it for themsleves.
i'm sorry if it affects you to see people can enjoy an aspect of their lives that causes you great suffering :( I know how to feels to be struggling while people in the same place aren't and are having and sharing positive expiences because of the thing that causes you to suffer. i've been there and also felt left out and like they were ignoring me and my struggles. but!!!!! I learned that that's not always true! it doesn't have to be all bad for everyone! and they aren't trying to ignore my negative experience on purpose! we need to let people who need the positive have their own space just like the ones struggling. I struggle a lot with being autistic and sometimes wish I wasn't. but i'm still happy for the people that get positive things out of it instead and can thrive in life, while i'm barely surviving myself. these two things can coexist
maybe the low support needs people feel left out too and want to make their own posts among the sea of "autism is a horrible tragic disorder/disability and we wish we didn't have it and didn't struggle and suffer/autistic people can never have normal lifes/etc" and that's ok! everyone is valid, struggling or not. no one is talking over anyone else just by having a different experience and view! especially when they aren't making a side note to mention the other perspectives they don't experience themselves. it's not their job to always add a disclaimer about those other experiences. especially if they don't understand it because they never experiences it themselves and can't make an accurate post about it. you can make your own posts if you need to, or ask them to help you share it by sharing your experiences.
just like I make my own posts about how much I struggle in life because i'm autistic. often a post comes from reading a post where someone talked about how autism positively affects something for them, and I make my own post to talk about how that same trait affects me negatively. I don't comment on their post and say they are invalidating my experience. I don't let it make me feel bad or take it personally. I don't feel invalidated or attacked by low support needs who have amazing lives because they have friends and a job and other stuff and aren't struggling as much as me. I don't feel like they are talking over me when they say autism makes them smart enough to get a good job or empathetic enough to have lots of friends. i'm happy for them. they deserve support too.
basically, in simpler terms, someone saying they like pineapple on pizza and making a post about how amazing it is isn't invalidating people who hate pineapple on pizza, hate pineapple in general, hate pizza, or are allergic to pineapple or pizza. you can make your own posts saying you hate it, but don't say people who post about liking it are wrong and not allowed to like it!
again, i'm not talking about the posts where people say "*all* autistic people should like their autism because it's not a disability" or something like that. if that's what people are referring to when they make posts saying to not celebrate autism because it leaves higher support needs out and talks over their struggles, then I apologize. maybe i read those wrong or they aren't worded very well, just like i'm sure this post of mine isn't worded well and will cause people to misunderstand my meaning. but they're always worded to sound like no one should make positive autism posts because it makes people feel bad who don't have the same positive experiences. IF That is indeed the case, then that's just as unfair as the people that tell high support needs to stop complaining and enjoy their autism/disability instead!
this actually goes for many things in general, not just autism. replace autism with other things and it works as well. it's a lesson we need to learn together!
#im not going to tag this so less people see it and therefore less misinterpreting because i feel like it would happen#words are hard to ive spent almost an hour writing this and need to stop now#if this upsets anyone im sorry. im not trying to. im saying everyone is valid and allowed to like/dislike things and that isnt an attack#let them do it and learn to nkt be offended by different perspectives that's not about you#this is something im working on myself as well. work on it with me!#lee rambles
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RULES OF BEING OTHERKIN #1
Being authentic and true to yourself is the only way you are 'supposed to be/act like' (insert entity). If anyone else disagrees it only tells you about them.
#going to start a small 'series' where I document stuff I learn that is otherkin specific. This is for myself as well as anyone who might#be struggling with things I used to/am working on(otherkin specific). hopefully this will reduce any mental pitfalls other otherkin may#fall into as they explore their identity and help out someone.#this 'rule' took a LONG time to fully understand and grasp. for the longest time I would consciously or subconsciously#think I was less Loki if I did or was something 'Loki would never do. until i realized I do exactly and experience exactly what Loki does#and experiences because...Im literally Loki. (talking about incarnations here). I felt pressured to be a certain way because 'Loki would#never (insert). being aroace is on of them. i tried to convince myself I wasn't aroace#and when I finally ran out of reasons i felt i was 'less Loki' because mythologically hes like the opposite. but Loki IS aroace. because#Im Loki. and Im aroace. so loki is SUPPOSED to be aroace because Im loki and im being exactly how loki is being. because im loki. being#myself. therefore being exactly like Loki. again - incarnation.#anyway....if anyone else struggles with this I hope this helps someone. its a really sucky place to be in honestly.#godkin#deitykin#alterhuman#otherkin#divinekin#nonhuman#alterbeing#therian#I think I will be learning a LOT more as I keep exploring and I will note down any 'rules' I learn - more like lessons but rules personally#sound more right for me. rules i will live by (yknow unless i find out im wrong but...im going to trust myself more and right now i feel#like this rule is true. so im using it as such unless i find out im wrong in future.
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Btw just want to be clear that Time and Time Again is set to, and will if I don't pause, conclude in May 2025!
Webtoon didn't want to renew or give me any extra episodes so I'm trying to work with what I have. I'm sorry it's ending sooner than I'd like, it's been difficult to come to terms with and challenging to condense my plans.
You deserve a solid conclusion, and I've spent months writing to try and reach that. If there's anything you'd really like to see before it ends, do let me know in case I can (and want to) fit it in.
I'd rather not work with them again, and I hope I won't have to! But coming off of years being overworked and underpaid does not make that easy, to say the least...
I'm doing my best, and I hope you like what I have coming up.
#years of being overworked. underpaid. and literally manipulated and gaslit lmfao#it does not feel good to beg to be treated equally. and then told to be satisfied with less than that#it has been repeatedly demoralizing and insulting#and im not doing it again#i would rather nanny again (most exhausting job ive ever had) than work with them again#but. i would rather not!#I'd rather continue to make comics#but to do it full time i would need like 500 patrons on the $5 tier minimum...#which is SO MANY PEOPLE and incomprehensible to me#ive already proven to myself i can live on 25k a year but obviously its tight (i live in socal)#this. is not what this post is about#it's so hard for me not to complain about them#i feel bad for my current patrons i only share stuff on discord as of right now#well i do the merch packages but like#it's mostly just my discord#just dont have the time or energy to manage my patreon#cause idk if yall know but patreons site is TERRIBLE from the creator side???#it takes like 5 minutes to upload a single post it's ridiculous#so i cant manage it rn. I've thought about hiring someone to help me with it but i cant afford any help#anyways ultimately this is informing people its gonna end#and is turning into a vent around all of the stress surrounding that#like i literally had to take a couple months to just be sad its gonna end and come to terms with that#its hard! it's hard feeling so tossed aside and having your stories controlled even in part by someone else#anyways yeah#i havent finished writing the last arc yet#so theres space for me to fit stuff if theres something people really want#so id like to get in what i could if i can!#text post#sorry i always turn any thoughts about comics into vents about webtoon#theyre so ass man..... it's fine. im gone in may...
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