#this is so tiny I feel like it shouldn't even have tags lol but it keeps making me laugh. isolated in the corner

[wouldntyoulichentoknow]

so I found my blue mechanical pencil lead today

[kyouka-supremacy]

(person whose tags you reblogged on that ask about the anime here lol) I think what a lot of Bones defenders don't seem to realize is that this isn't just a case of us whining because we don't get what we want, like us complaining about like "they didn't draw this panel Exactly How It is In The Manga, how dare they!!!", we're not being nitpicking for the sake of nitpicking; these kinds of supposedly minor complaints probably wouldn't bother me in another show, because no adaptation is perfect and there will always be differences in how the panels are adapted, but in specifically BSD it bothers me because of the bigger picture, which is the fact that all of these tiny blunders are a direct result of them not understanding what kind of series BSD is and the tone and feelings each scene in the manga is meant to convey -- they see it as a shounen and adapt it as such, like you said. It's not about these moments in of themselves that are the problem, but because there's SO MANY of them, and they all add up, and they speak to the aforementioned much larger problem. I also just think that's kind of ignorant to just act like a season(s) with a downgrade in art quality, so many reused frames and animations, and disturbingly long static frames sometimes is in any way acceptable as a finished product??? This isn't about me and what I want, this is about the fact that they CLEARLY suffered to get this out and that is NOT OKAY. THERE ARE SO MANY GLARING PRODUCTION ISSUES (have been since season 3) AND THAT IS NOT OKAY. Not for the people who were forced to work on it, not for BSD as a story, and not for Asagiri and Harukawa! And not for the fans either, of course, but I emphasize the first three the most. It's just pure laziness and greed on the part of the Bones higher-ups who wanted it to be like this, and that will never be acceptable, for anyone. The quality of the anime has been significantly better the last few episodes (literally the instant Akutagawa kicked the bucket...) — by which I mean, they're doing the bare minimum for an adaptation, which is better than they usually do! — but I sure couldn't tell you why...! It's left me ecstatic, happy, and excited to watch lately, which is such a relief from constant sadness, outrage, and feeling insulted, but that still doesn't change the fact that it should have been this good THIS WHOLE TIME, and that there's absolutely NO REASON other episodes had to be sacrificed for the better ones: they should have been given enough time to do all of it justice (again, as much justice as Bones can ever do with BSD lol, but still. Season 2 is still so dear to me for a reason, and it's not just because of the nostalgia I have from watching it in 2016). Sorry for rambling more about this in your inbox asldjgflds, but tl;dr I just feel like our complaining comes across as bitching about scenes not being a perfect 1-to-1 panel recreation to a lot of people, when it's so much more than that — it's about BSD as a whole not getting the treatment it really, truly deserves, and how heartbreaking that is to see. It is heartbreaking to me to see how much Asagiri apparently loves the anime, from what he said at Anime Expo, when his story deserves so, so much better than he seemingly is even aware of. And I will always give Bones due credit when they've earned it, like I have the last few weeks, so I'm not even always constantly ragging on them, but even that praise comes with the caveat of "there's no explanation for why the quality is suddenly better now, or why it's so inconsistent in general, and I shouldn't even have to praise it so much, because this level of quality should be a given."

Yeah I agree that Bones has repeatedly demostred a very faulty understanding of the manga tone and even of the themes it carries on– even though there's also a chance that the shift in tone was intentional. They saw that undemanding shonen sold better than seinen (which may now seem easy to disprove, but the same probably wasn't as evident back in 2015 when the bsd anime was announced), so they made the marketing choice to declinate bsd so that it could cater to a shonen audience too, and stuck with that decision. That would make sense although in the end, as you said, it resulted in a series that feels deeply disconnected in tone and themes to its original, all while the narrated events stay the same.

I do wholeheartedly agree that if you need so many reused frames and to resort to static frames that drag on for several dozens of seconds, then your season simply isn't ready for release. C'mon, seriously, an original op and ending are the bare MINIMUM. The only reason why they didn't postpone the season release is greed. Not to mention (very much needed to mention), it's harmful for the animators twice: on one hand, because it necessarily puts them under a lot of stress and overworking conditions in order to churn out an entire season in such a short timespan; but I also feel like we shouldn't overlook the other aspect that is just... How extremely saddening and disheartening it is to not be able to dedicate the time you'd want to your art product, and seeing it published in a way that looks rushed and unfinished. I think it's important to acknowledge the frustration animators are likely to experience when that happens, especially because most times it's people who love their job of artist and of course work hard so that the result is the best it can be. But yeah the thing is: it's important - no matter how unpleasant - to say, it's not okay, because otherwise a low quality product is only going to become the norm.

I agree there was a noticeable quality improvement in the last three episodes (4-6), and I may be wrong, but I think it's reasonable to believe it's because the first three episodes had to be prepared in advance in order to be ready for the pre-screening that took place on the 8th of July in Japan. That may explain why the later episodes have been so much better compared to the first three: they simply had more time to work on them, and it's possible they're keeping working on the episodes even as they're airing. But I do agree... It's very saddening to see. Like of course, I agree, I *AM* happy the last episodes have been good (the last one was especially enjoyable!), but there really is that big ache given by thinking about what the Fukuchi vs. sskk fight could have been if only it was given the time and care it deserved. Sigh. It was just a very unfortunate coincidence for everyone, because, bias aside, it was really a pivotal moment in the whole manga... I mean. C'mon. Atsushi is the protagonist, but is yet again not treated as one because of, once again, marketing choices. It's a bit saddening. With season 4, I was dreading for when the season would have ended; with season 5 I regretfully must admit that I found myself again and again just hoping it would end already. Because even now that the animation has improved significantly, I can't stop thinking of what episode three should have been - what it had the right to be, as no less important than any other episode -, and I feel like my enjoyment of the season is just ruined.

One last note, and I know it's not what you meant when referring to panel-by-panel adaptations, and feel free to consider this my own pet peeve, but. Studios should be able to notice when they're working with the most iconic panel of the entire manga and should treat it accordingly. I'm cool and chill but what they did to the chapter 88 Akutagawa panel is unforgivable and I will resent them forever because of it.

[fizzingwizard]

joking with bf about tumblr and realized I don't understand what people get out of social media anymore - like at all.

My first real "social media" was myspace. It was short-lived. But I liked that (back then) you had your own page, you filled it out with your information, you had your music and banners etc. Not so many images back then, but the point was your page was yours. Customizing your own space was fun.

Then I moved on to livejournal which was even more self-involved. You had your journal that was just yours. You could put anything in it, anything you wanted, and it wouldn't go away unless you chose to delete it. But other people could look at it and interact with you in the comments. And you could join communities where you'd meet other people with similar interests, which would then lead them to visit your journal and you to visit them.

When lj tanked I moved to tumblr, where once again, I have my own space, I can talk about whatever I want, people can choose to interact with me if they feel like it, plus there are visuals and video and a feed which delivers new posts from people I follow. It's easier than ever to just explore, meet people with similar interests, and make connections, while cultivating my own journal/scrapbook that is a record of myself over the years.

It seems to me that self-involved element just isn't interesting to many people anymore. Even though Instagram and Tiktok are definitely very invested in the self! I guess the argument is probably that no one reads text posts anyway, the best way is to post video or images and at most have a short quick to read blurb attached at the bottom. But the attraction of text posts, for me, was never the idea that other people were going to read them. It was simply self-expression. The enjoyment of talking about what's going on with me and working through it. It's nice to get comments, but sometimes the comments, well, make you feel worse, especially on a personal post.

On fandom posts I hoped for notes, but in general I liked to stew in anonymity. I thought about having separate blogs for fandom posts and personal ones. But you know why I didn't? Because I like going to someone's blog and seeing more there than just their art or fanfiction. I like knowing a thing or two about their lives. Not so I can judge them. Because it makes them feel real, relatable, like a friend. Someone I'm not meant to worship for their skill, but appreciate and support, by my own choice, as part of a community. When there's no info at all and it's just a fandom blog, it feels commercial to me. I'm always relieved when a fandom blog links to their personal blog, although I also find that much more jarring than if everything's just in one place and searchable by tags.

These days everyone tells me to be on Discord, Tiktok, or Instagram. But in none of those places can I develop my own personal space the way I like to. I can't even find groups with similar interests on them. Maybe some exist, but if they do they're nowhere near as easy to find as they used to be. When I was in my twenties I could always find people to chill with, no matter how tiny the fandom was. Now the point is to have a sleek, clean, specific persona so people know immediately what you're selling (even when no actual money is involved). You're selling art, you're selling fanfiction, you're selling meta, you're selling activism, you're selling witticisms. That's all great. And what we've all known, even since the days of myspace, is that what doesn't sell is personal posts. Talk about yourself = followers walk away. There's nothing for them here. Multi-fandom blog? Yeah but I only like one fandom you do, so clearly we have nothing in common and shouldn't interact. Lol. Honestly there are so many people here on tumblr I'd like to interact with, except when I visit their blogs they seem like they wouldn't want to interact with me. I'm only a little bit cottagecore, not 100% cottagecore. I sometimes post about books, but sometimes about anime. So the book-lovers who stick up their nose at anime don't want to hang out with me, and the anime-lovers who don't get classical literature maybe think I'm gonna be a snob toward them. Because they know "too much" about me. If they knew less, if they knew only what they'd feel comfortable knowing, because my blog is anime-only or something, then maybe we'd be friends. Not that I'd call that friendship :) but you know, in that shallow, hyper-specific social media sense of the word.

That's my theory. I never was popular on any social media site - personal blogs rarely are! Never wanted to be either (I've been here since I was in college and uhhh absolutely do not judge me please by anything I wrote when I was stupid nineteen). And it may be that very personal feature of tumblr which makes it less attractive to people than places where the point is to be a persona, instead of a person. Persona attracts, person not so much.

I just feel sad that this type of social media seems to be disappearing when I have no appreciation for the type that's replaced it. Believe it or not, I want to see y'all's novel-length text posts. Even when I don't read them, I still want to see them. I like having my little group that I follow and the only people I unfollow are blogs which self-promote more than I have a taste for. Small spaces are so underrated and I guess that's only to be expected.

[pancake-breakfast]

Ooooh, I'm actually trying to get ahead of the game this week! Look at me goooooo!!!

Stream-of-consciousness thoughts for TriMax Vol. 4, Chapters 3-5 below.

Chapter 3: Bottom of the Dark

Meryl title page! Hooray!

LOLOLOL, didn't these boys just get out of the hospital?? Now they're back in for, what, dehydration??? Shouldn't have snuck off without the girls.

Are the girls eating steam buns? Steam buns are awesome! But a pain to cook in hot weather.

Looks like they're sorting through their own things.

GIANT HAND!!! Noooooooo

Dude. This fake big-hands man is a creep. He needs to let Chun-Li go.

Ohhhh, he's doing that thing they do where they add weird suffixes to their speech. SIGH. English speakers don't understand these things.

THIRTEENTH!??!? What happened to the other 12??? Fly up into heaven??? What, does he throw them in the sky???

Stun-Gun Milly, here to save the day!

And Meryl as backup!

She is very tiny. It's unfortunate they're in a world where her being small makes such a defense a necessity... but it's also a nice parallel to her character. Small, but sufficient for the task at hand. Maybe even more than sufficient.

WORM

Yup, it's Zazie!

AJL:FJ:LALJ:DSF:H:KJh:LKASJ WHYYYYY IS ZAZIE LIKE THIS?!?!?! D: D: D: Friggin... 15,000 worms in a meat suit.... *shudder shudder shudder*

LOL, the boys both look like they've checked themselves out of hospitals AMA before and aren't too thrilled about being caught this time.

Vash, just giving away their money so they can leave. TBH, not a bad plan considering how inadvisable him lingering anywhere is.

Heh, Vash is calling Wolfwood out again. He trusts the girls. Even if it might make the situation a bit tricky. They're more resourceful than they look and he knows it.

Ugh, he's so lonely and so grateful that they care about him enough to stick with him. And Wolfwood here sounds like his overly cautious wife.

Midvalley and Hoppered, having a heart-to-heart. I'm starting to see why they get along so well.

Ohhhh, Hoppered has a beef with Vash.

Unsubtle metaphors about walking into darkness. I'll allow it.

The worms really are pretty at night.

Did Meryl just get abducted by worms?!?!

Chapter 4: Den of Evil

Milly title page! Always good to see more of the girls!

Milly found the boys.

Oh, no! Someone take care of her!

Dang, Stampede just straight up took that elevator inspiration from here, didn't they?

Mmm, delicious delicious worms.

Hahahahaha, Zazie doesn't understand "hostage." Zazie understands "bait."

Vash the Stampede's followers? Rude. Just because she's literally following him doesn't mean she deserves so distant a title.

Props to Meryl. She has this twisted monster looming over her, a weird worm-controlling kidnaper, and a shady man in a fancy suit all surrounding her, and what does she do? She starts DEMANDING ANSWERS from them. This woman has a serious pair.

Awww, Milly is soooo upset. They're keeping guard on her while she's supposed to be sleeping, but she's just can't manage it.

Zazie, creeping outside of windows....

Vash doesn't even wait to hear the other side of Zazie's deal.

Gods, they are such dorks.

That's one big worm.

I don't know what the Japanese characters are for ryutsu or juukei in the original here, but I just want to note that one possible definition for "juukei" is "execution by firing squad." (No, I didn't know that off the top of my head. I got curious and looked it up.)

All these imposing city shots, and then at the bottom, Vash and Wolfwood.

Not great. That means there are more hostages here than just Meryl.

Lower and upper class crammed together means something went wrong.

Milly may not have been featured in the shot above, but she's tagging along, too!

Wolfwood's looking forward to a bit of murder today, I see.

Hahahahaha, <3 Milly. She will not be sidelined. Her and Wolfwood are giving Vash a headache. Personally, I have mixed feelings on the matter. Like, Milly is super-competent, and this is important to her, but if they spend more time protecting her than rescuing Meryl, it's worse than useless for her to come along.

Holy hell. Did not expect girl to pull her gun on Wolfwood.

Vash has a point. Leaving her behind does not, in fact, guarantee her safety here.

Hoppered, that looks painful. Your body looks painful. See a better chiropractor, please.

Chapter 5: Wild Crying Bullet

Three? I thought there were... hmmm... *goes back to check* Ok, so: - Monev the Gale (1) and E.G. Mine (2) went down before they made it to Jenora Rock. - Dominique the Cyclops (3) went down right before Fifth Moon. - After Fifth Moon, they ran into Rai-Dai (4), then Leonov the Puppetmaster (5) and Gray the Ninelives (6). - Then we have Zazie the Beast (7), Midvalley the Hornfreak (8), and Hoppered the Gauntlet (9) here right now. - And we have Wolfwood (10). That means we're missing two out of the 12. So there's a good chance that either Wolfwood doesn't know about the other two, or they were brought in after Wolfwood was sent out. Wolfwood's not an idiot, but it's not like he was privy to Livio's conversation with Vash about there being 12 coins. I suppose one could assume Livio and Knives are the last of those 12, but the way the coins are presented implies both those two are exempt from Gung-Ho Gun status. Also, those who've watched Stampede might be able to take a guess at who we're missing.

Oooof, Midvalley's gonna be a rough fight.

Hoppered might be a bullet, but Vash is a gun. Hehehehehehhhh...

Heh, Wolfwood can't call anyone by their actual name.

He looks genuinely concerned when he catches sight of Midvalley.

Epic Midvalley shot.

Oh, no. Wolfie, that's gotta hurt...

Not good. Wolfwood's already down.

Vash knows.

?? Hoppered is just... giving him the coins? Who is the second coin from? Midvalley??

Oh, no, Milly! Get it together, girl! You can do it!

Yeah, Vash was never very keen on Legato's weird fetch quest.

AAAAHHHHH, EPIC WOLFWOOD SHOT!!! OUR BOY'S NOT DOWN YET!!!!

(When I talk about trying to gnaw off my own limb over fandom stuff, that two-page spread above is basically what my heart looks like.)

Heh, Midvalley didn't expect this.

I honestly don't know how Hoppered concluded that Vash is enjoying what he's doing right now. He's mostly looks focused and angry to me.

LOL, Zazie just chilling, watching the fireworks.

Oddly, Meryl is probably in the safest place she could be right now.

Meryl is getting caught up on Vash lore.

Oh, no. News that Knives is nearby is very not good.

Yusssss, gives us the exposition, Zazie!!! Next time, I mean. I'm good for tonight.

Archive

Trigun Volume 1: Covers + 1-3, 3 Detailed Thoughts, 4, 4 DT, 5-6, 5-6 + DT, 6 DT, 7-8, 9-10 || Volume 2: Covers + Extras, 1, 1 Supplemental Research, 2-4, 5-6, 7-8

TriMax Volume 1: Covers + 1-2, 2 DT, 3-4, 3 DT, 5-6 || Volume 2: Covers + 1, 2-4, 5, 6-7 || Volume 3: Covers + 1-3, 4-5, 6-7 || Volume 4: Covers + 1-2

[nejishadow]

PART 3 of Kenjikoto / makokenji drabbles and general Kenji ramblings from the Kenji discord. Plus one about Kenji and Daisuke being half brothers to end it off!

This one focuses almost entirely on the AUs I've had thoughts on, because kenjikoto has none of the staples! That needs to be remedied!!

Wanna see me ramble about them in real time, bounce ideas, think way too hard about Kenji headcanons and generally just wanna talk about Kenji?? Join @bakafurai's Kenji Discord! Link in its' bio!!

Like the other two posts, you're free to be inspired by these ideas for this ship, flesh them out, fanart / fanfic whatever! I encourage it because I haven't written fic in years! Just tag me, link me, something, because people being inspired by my work is the biggest boost to my productivity ever.

Everything below the read more! This one is long and I mean LONG so be ready for that!

------------------------------

General drabbles

------------------------------

Kenji and Makoto sharing their music and earbuds with each other. Back and forth of more energetic and ambient. Stay With Me (Miki Matsubara) comes on. Makoto getting a kinda melancholy look, a tiny chuckle. Leans back and relaxes, shuts his eyes, the smallest smile on his face. And Kenji realizes he suddenly can't look away. He really hopes Makoto doesn't open his eyes because he can't even seem to move, he can only admire Makoto's smile, and that's dangerous with this song playing

---------------

Kenji Link and Makoto Shiek going to a con. But Makoto keeps delivering wrong lines in the flatest tone

"Hey, watch out. It's dangerous to go alone." "He doesn't say that… Why'd you agree to come with me again? Besides teasing me?"

Shrug. He was just curious, honestly

---------------

Sick Fic

Written for @bakafurai lol

Maybe Makoto and Kenji planned a hangout but Kenji never showed.

Makoto gets his address (he has his ways) to make sure he's ok and Kenji Is Not, it turns out

Kenji being stubborn, "I'm fine man it's just a pressure headache just let me lie back down." Makoto Does Not let him do that.

Maybe it's best post-makoto's-flu so he can kinda remember what everyone did for him. Or is it extra funny if he spam calls Shinjiro just to get recipes for good food for this? Both?? Both.

Then you just have the soft domesticity of them tucked into the couch watching TV while Makoto keeps him from trying to sneak off (no you're not fine, stop moving)

Kenji apologetic that he ruined their previous plans for the day, Makoto shouldn't be wasting his time dealing with this, with him

Makoto firmly grabbing Kenji's head to look him in the eye, very serious - "I wouldn't be here if I didn't want to be. Besides, if you don't get healthy, you can't make up for it, Tomochika."

Kenji shocked. Oh. That's… so nice to hear him say. If he's sniffly he can blame the sickness

Then they can marathon Kenji's fav shows and eat so much soup, and Kenji can fall asleep tucked into Makoto's side. Soft

Extra soft for Makoto to also relax enough to lean back on Kenji and take a nap

If they're on a living room couch (or if she's just the type to waltz into his room unannounced) you could also have his little sister come home and assume they were having a date at home + nobody is awake to correct her, and Kenji gets teased forever about it.

---------------

Had the vision of Kenji trying to do pocky game with Makoto. Kenji's the one who suggests it, but he's also the one to break the pocky, bluster, and generally be a mess. But wants to keep trying! Meanwhile Makoto just munching through the sticks on his end, he knows Kenji's working through it, he'll get there… hopefully before they run outta pocky * shakes box *

------------------------------

All Sorts of AUs

------------------------------

Hanahaki AU

More fitting that Makoto is the one with hanahaki. I think he's more likely to recognize his feelings but deny / ignore them, versus Kenji who just doesn't easily recognize what he's feeling is romantic.

Potential flowers for Makoto:

white violets (taking chances [but he won't])

yellow tulips (love that's hopeless)

blue tulips (trust)

scabuis (unfortunate attachment)

maiden's blush rose (you'll know I love you, if you love me [in his case it's outta fear])

blue roses (yearning for the unobtainable)

---------------

College AU

Super loose ideas for a College AU

Kenji going into fashion / design

Makoto going into photography (maybe minoring in something more "practical" because he's always told to?)

Fashion majors need nice photographs for a show / exhibition they're planning. Only Makoto is free for the entire ongoing period (or if others are, just don't wanna do it)

Can't decide if it's better Makoto's reputation precedes him so the department has preconceived notions, or if he's so lowkey nobody really knows him so is offput by his attitude.

Either way, Kenji is gonna try to be friendly because no one else seems to be trying

(the guy's fashion being nonexistent might play a tiny role, he really wants to dress the guy better)

Makoto allows them to talk as he walks around, getting the first things everyone needs. Kenji is then appointed as Makoto's contact (he doesn't mind, but does no one else seriously wanna talk to this guy??)

They stay professional for texting and calling. For a short while. Kenji quickly breaks and asks him to be his model of sorts, let him plan one of his big assignments around him

Makoto shrugs. Sure. Long as it doesn't interfere with his own classes

as time goes on school work hangouts become more casual hangouts, to mostly just going out to have fun.

trying to decide if this is the funniest AU to have Makoto think they're dating, and Kenji isn't aware of this, since these hangouts are pretty much dates anyway

---------------

Soulmate AU

Soulmates identified through matching marks.

Kenji and Makoto aren't soulmates but fall in love anyway.

Soulmates aren't inherently romantic in this universe, but possibly seen as odd to not stay with one who's love is romantic in nature

Rio and Kenji platonic soulmates. They have a matching mark on their lower backs, possibly a constellation? Kenji isn't aware of this, and Rio is in denial over their bond not being romantic for a bit. She was hoping for a fairytale romance like some get, but comes to her truth that she wanted the grand feeling over a real thing.

Makoto and Ryoji are close to literal soulmates, not romantic ones. Their souls just match each other. Their mark is a mole under the right eye. A very understated mark due to how strong their synergy is, this isn't a thing that's common at all. Makoto assumes he just doesn't have a soulmate and everyone thinks it's a regular mole

Thought of a scene where Kenji and Makoto go swimming (because they deserve to), and Kenji realizes he's been looking all over Makoto for… something, maybe to indicate they're the same (not soulmates haha, how crazy would that be!), gets the slightest disappointment when he doesn't see anything. Makoto can tell the mood shifted down a bit for whatever reason, gets Kenji's attention with a head tilt. And promptly shoves him in the water Kenji quickly forgets what he was being moody about

---------------

Role Reversal AU

Unlike Makoto, who seems to draw people in for bonds somewhat, Kenji's bonds are formed by him going out of his way to interact with people.

Junpei could be his magician, like he is for FeMC, because the Magician card doesn't fit Makoto.

Kenji's not a great leader -- maybe not even good at first -- but he's tenacious and passionate enough to make up for it.

Since Ryoji looks the same for Makoto and Kotone, possibly looks the same for Kenji, presumably the Nyx influence gives Ryoji his palette.

Kenji uses a dagger. He also customizes his S.E.E.S uniform beyond the norm for both comfort and fashion. He convinces Mitsuru to let him do it because if he's not comfortable he can't lead well.

"If I have to wear it all the time, it needs to be comfortable! I can't be doin' moves or commands on clothing that's making me chafe."

… Mitsuru can't argue against that too hard. As long as he can properly fight, she concedes.

Makoto most likely the Tower Arcana. Resistant to change due to past trauma and bad coping mechanisms + trying to avert further issues by being overly passive. But there were 3 or 4 cards he could feasibly be instead, this is possibly up for change

Trauma probably stemming from same thing as canon, parents lost in a car crash

So unlike Kenji who is overly friendly and a bit blind to others feelings, Makoto is insanely passive and seemingly uncaring. This leads to him being bullied or pushed around a lot because he won't fight back and people think he's a freak for being so blank.

Maybe he tried fighting back for a little bit in the past and it didn't help, so he gave up. And nobody will risk helping him now because they don't want to be lumped in with him.

Kenji, new to this school, doesn't have any of these predispositions, starts his SL with Makoto by scaring off some of those people (partially just wanting to flex his SEES training). This event probably doesn't happen at school, they don't want to risk disciplinary committee catching them possibly?? Big Maybe

Makoto shocked that this just happened, something like this would never happen to him. Won't tell Kenji anything about why this was happening or who the people involved were, but Kenji manages to at least weasel times and places he's consistently at school to see him again.

General SL about getting Makoto to see that this isn't what he deserves. The people that want to hurt him don't deserve a chance to do it. He deserves to feel the same things others do.

Extra Stuff

Makoto's hangout spot would probably be the library, quiet and people leave him alone. That or in front of the bookshop. Bonus hangouts at the music store and karaoke.

Rank 10 item a matching MP3 to his. Kenji asked about his music so much he thought it's the least he can do.

Kenji convincing him to hang out the first few ranks by studying at the library and then inviting him out to eat. This also means Makoto is alone less, smaller chance of someone causing issues

Makoto's fav gift to receive possibly food? Maybe it's easier for him to show appreciation for it.

Possible Sunday hangout playing Innocent Sin Online.

I cannot decide what the theoretical romance trigger would be, if I think of something interesting I'll eventually put it in a post.

---------------

Coffeeshop AU

Coffeeshop is such a staple. But not having solid ideas of when to place it. Most likely it's also a part of "No Personas / Everyone lives - nobody dies". But I can refine the big sweeping stuff later! Possible they're also in diff classes due to Butterfly Effect

Since it's a No Personas world, Makoto's parents live, possibly still a car crash to keep timeline mainly intact? But everyone survives.

Current time, Makoto works at Chagall as his main job, mainly to have spending money and get outta the house.

Kenji knows vaguely about Makoto, hasn't interacted with him much -- no one has -- but still recognizes him when he goes in one day to get the highest calorie custom coffee in existence to ease his pain over recent test scores (I strongly believe Kenji would have a trashy sweet tooth at times like these)

He doesn't wanna be Too Awkward, but they do go to school together, so he should be a bit casual right…?

Makoto just nods along, putting in his order, Kenji swears it's different than what he asked but. He's not about to correct the guy

Makoto gives him the drink. Yeah it's not at all what he ordered. Did he offend the guy? He decided to sit down and try it, in case it's awful…

It's dang good. Zones out just enjoying it until he's done. Gonna compliment the guy's skills on guessing drink taste, but looks like he's gone. Lunch break? It'd be weird to stick around.

So he comes back next day, less weird to thank him at work then to wait til they're back in school… right?

Makoto is there, good! "Hey, I wanted to just thank you for yesterday. That drink you gave me? Best thing I've had in awhile, can you make me that again?"

Makoto looks at him a bit confused, a bit blank. Oh yeah… Kenji's a stranger he's not gonna remember everyone who walks in here.

"I'm the one who ordered the [sweetest coffee you can possibly think of]. I'm guessing you don't like stuff like that cause you gave me something totally different. It was really good."

"Oh… that one. Sure, if you want. It's nothing special."

Kenji hasn't actually ever heard him talk before. Calm voice for a scary looking guy!

This then evolves into Kenji coming in way too often to get what he starts calling the "Yuki Special" (he only gets it when Makoto is there), and Kenji being Kenji starts wiggling himself into becoming Makoto's friend ("acquaintance" according to Makoto at first, if you asked)

Kenji tells anyone who asks that it's because the guy makes a mean coffee, and is actually a great conversationalist!… when he can get him to talk

No other possible reason! It's not odd in the slightest to only ever order one item from one person, it's because Makoto's the only one who can make it right

(he tried to get it from a different barista one time… didn't taste right)

They're unique guys so they just have a unique way of bonding. A one of a kind friendship!

If anyone asks Kenji why he's learning to make coffee as a hobby he will never admit it's to impress Makoto who seems to know all there is to know.

Makoto starts making the drink ahead of time and planning his breaks around when Kenji comes in, since Kenji wants to talk to him while he's there anyway.

Eventually Kenji plucks up the courage to ask him for his number - "so we can talk anytime! That way I don't always take up your break, how 'bout it?"

Makoto finds himself easily agreeing, surprisingly. They text a lot, much easier for Makoto than calling, though Makoto still takes his break when Kenji comes in.

One day Makoto makes the drink and plans everything ahead like usual. And Kenji doesn't come in. He shuffles a bit - what is he supposed to do…? He waits, keeps scanning, did he miss him come in? He's never done that before, Kenji's got a very unique presence.

After awhile boss makes him take his break, he brings the drink with him, no use wasting it. What did he do before this whole routine started again…?

Remembers he can contact Kenji… He tries to call… voicemail. Is it because he called? He's never called, he supposed. Sends off a text - are you ok?

Takes a sip of the drink. Yep, too sweet. He keeps drinking anyway, no point in wasting it

(Either Kenji studied way too hard and slept through his usual visit time, or he's sick, or got dragged off to karaoke something, but he's ok. No bad!!)

Aka I feel Makoto learning that he is getting attached and he's a person who feels things should be explored more

Whenever Kenji gets back to his text, assures he's ok! Sorry for not warning ahead of time. Makoto releases tension he didn't know he had, that's good. He's fine, sorry for trying to call out of the blue. Kenji assures him he can call anytime, it's what best friends do right?

Next day at school, Kenji finally tracks Makoto down, vaguely knows his schedule but wants to catch him before day ends (why doesn't this guy look at his texts before lunch??). Wants to apologize for making Makoto worry in person

He feels a bit awkward. They hang out, kinda, all the time right? They're friends, so it's not weird to approach him… he realizes that they've never hung out outside of Makoto's work, that explains it. He's gonna change that

So he sits with him at lunch naturally just like he'd do at the coffeeshop, and does just that. Apologizes for making him worry and invites him out to make up for it, he never sees Makoto around town anyway, it's a chance for them to have fun!

Makoto slightly surprised. Nobody had invited him out during high school. Maybe he even had a thought deep down that Kenji was only hanging out at work cause it was convenient, and he'd finally gotten bored. But he still agrees. He didn't have anything planned anyways. Best friends do fun stuff right…? He thinks they do, at least. It'd been a long time since he had a friend so involved in his life

Insert a long and fun montage of them trying to do everything, since Makoto says he hadn't really gone on an outing like this anywhere in years. They go to the arcade, Kenji is horrible at claw machines. Makoto wins a ton. Kenji beats him at the fighting games, Makoto dominates at the zappers.

They chill at karaoke, Makoto impresses Kenji so much he immediately drags him to the music store so Makoto can point out what music he recommends, buys several of them. End it off with eating so much Wilduck burger both vow to not come back for a long time.

Neither realize or even think about how a lotta people would perceive this as a date. They're both just having fun getting to do stuff with someone else, though Kenji may be ignoring how much his heart seizes up seeing every happy expression or soft blink Makoto gives him, new expressions he's not used to seeing - definitely not like this at least. And Makoto may not be bringing up just how much Kenji is looking at him when there's so much else to look at... and how he doesn't mind, all that much.

Discord message hit max characters for the 4th time and I didn't wanna type more then and there, this is already edited to add a bunch, but I'm sure I'll expand on this one!

---------------

Separated Family AU

The thoughts may be a bit scattered because @bakafurai chipped in a lot on this idea so I have to summarize / rewrite their thoughts

@Shadowfreak98 said Daisuke Nagase sometimes gives her the vibe of "could be related to Kenji, like an older brother. Well he can't be older but you get it, brothers" (< recalling best I can) Could I make the most nonsense idea that they're half brothers due to marriage / divorce?? Their personalities also contrast super interestingly There's so much room for ideas there, but it means more brain power

Daisuke would be around Kenji's sister's age, since Kenji mentions her starting high school next year, when he'll be a third year, so it lines up timeline wise. Possible Kenji's mom and dad separated before either was born, Kenji's dad possibly unaware she's pregnant. So Kenji's mom goes to Inaba to settle in a quiet place, while Kenji's dad stays and remarries. They have Kenji's sister shortly after

Kenji doesn't know Daisuke well at all. If they've ever met, it was only at a few small family gatherings, both probably more think of the other as a distant cousin, if at all. Daisuke in general is a guy who doesn't bring up private stuff unless he really thinks it'll help with something, and Kenji barely mentions his own little sister, so it's just never brought up. Who talks much about the equivalent of a mystery cousin??

Possibility for some interesting interactions during the Iwatodai trip. Kenji not able to leave the island after the events of P3, attached to this place too much. Maybe works at Hakegure. Kou and Daisuke go there to see if they're as good as Aiya... little bit of an awkward family reunion. Chance for Kenji to try and establish bonds, like Makoto showed them they're important and powerful (could be in a Kenjikoto "Makoto lives" au as well).

[mjm5655]

NAME: DEMON

PRONOUNS:  they/he

PREFERENCE OF COMMUNICATION: discord honestly, my screen is massive so the tumblr im box is tiny af to me.

MOST ACTIVE MUSE: goro majima

EXPERIENCE / HOW MANY YEARS: uh, at least 20 at this point, maybe even longer, i used to do small roleplays in mmorpgs. lol

PLATFORMS YOU USE:  tumblr for ic, discord for ooc.

BEST EXPERIENCE:  i had many of good experiences, i'm not gonna name them because i don't want people feeling left out if it's not an experience i had with them.

RP PET PEEVES: quite a lot, but mainly just when i'm given replies that make it difficult to come up with anything new to them, like there's nothing open for my muse to insert themselves into. i see a lot less of the crazily small text today, idk if that's because tumblr has changed up what you're allowed to do in a post or what, though, sometimes i do still have issue reading blogs if the text is tiny or if i'm basically looking at grey text on a grey background.

FLUFF,   ANGST,   OR SMUT: angst, & i'm actually horrible at writing smut, the most far i go with it is kissy scenes, clothes coming off, but will rather fade to black on the main act of it. fluff is boring to me, so i refuse.

PLOTS OR MEMES:  i can do both, though i love plotting or talking ooc in general about our muses, can usually give me a real good feel of your muse if you can, but i can understand that's not some people's comfort zone to do so.

LONG OR SHORT REPLIES: long. i'm a novella nerd, especially if i'm really into a thread, never feel you have to match my length ( i don't look at word counter in my replies, so you shouldn't either ), but i do request if i have wrote something multi para to you, which i more likely will if we are interacting, that you do not give me a line or very small paragraph back, if i feel like i'm carrying stuff, i'll take that as a cue & likely softblock as we won't be that compatible in that case.

BEST TIME TO WRITE: i'm UK based, so reasonable times within those. don't worry about dm'ing me on discord round late hours for me though, i have notifications silenced on my phone so you aren't gonna wake me up or anything. gjghsdjgs i'll reply when i'm next online.

ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSES: not really, i probably speak a bit like how i write majima's dialogue due to being irish, & having quite a thick accent, not like you'll hear that ever unless you decide to raid/play with me on ffxiv, but that's about it. we aren't similar at all.

TAGGED BY: i just grabbed this. lol

TAGGING: just grab it.

[elliemuze]

So I don't normally post personal stuff or opinions. At most, I'll tack on a small anecdote on an existing post, and usually just in the tags. Rarely, if ever, do I create my own. But I feel a visceral need to reinforce something important.

I grew up on early Disney movies. That's my childhood. My first VHS was Bambi, when I was too young to even comprehend what a movie was. I was also an only child, quiet, autistic, and riddled with OCD. I disappeared into movies and books, felt like I was a part of them, and to this day can experience a meltdown at the slightest indication of change.

The Little Mermaid was my favorite. I'd pretend to be a mermaid almost daily, wrapping my legs in blankets or t-shirts, singing my tiny lungs out. In the course of growing up, I'd own a walkman and eventually a CD player. Each had the OST on standby, as cassette tape and CD. I never talked on the long bus rides, just put on my headphones and let the music take me. When I discovered Limewire, the OST was one of the first things I downloaded. My first real bed after the crib era was adorned with an Ariel comforter set, and I had Flounder and Sebastian stuffed animals that never left it until probably high school. In grade school, my mom spent months making me an Ariel costume for Halloween, of which I still have the tail skirt (obviously no longer fits). I don't much care for public performances, especially when they're loud and bright, but when my family took me to Little Mermaid on Ice, I could have stayed in that auditorium forever.

We had one luxurious* family trip to Disney World when I was in 4th grade. We were in Florida for a week, and other than getting placed in a baby stroller by Captain Hook to be comically wheeled around, my highlight of the entire trip was meeting Ariel. I spent most of our time there wondering where she was and when I'd get to meet her, and then if we could go back and talk to her again - I suspect ad nauseum lol.

*Luxurious to us. My parents saved up for years, I presume, and got lucky with some once in a lifetime deals and group discounts. (This was also 20+ years ago.) We were never rich or well-off, so this was a dream come true.

With all that being said... anyone up in arms over Ariel being Black should be ashamed of themselves. Anyone complaining that Disney is just trying to be "woke" should be ashamed of themselves. As if Black people are some ancillary customization that aggrieves the societal "default." What the actual fuck is wrong with you? Sincerely? (That's a rhetorical question, by the way, I have zero interest in any excuse you might conjure from your ass. Any bullshittery will be blocked.)

I truly believe you all need to take a serious look at yourselves, the words you're saying, and do some crisis-level introspection. Because this is embarrassing. It's senseless. As someone struggling daily with adulthood and wishing she could disappear back to the ignorant bliss of childhood, y'all desperately need to grow the hell up and act like real people.

How on earth can you look at all these little Black girls being over the moon to see someone like them, and still hold such vitriol in your hearts? How can you take something so joyful and innocent, and bend over backwards to make it ugly? Most of you I've seen behaving like this are grown ass men, too - as if you'd otherwise even care about a movie whose prime demographic was young girls.

Fucksake, aren't y'all tired? It's so easy, and free, to not act this way. Like you're all competing for the title of Most Contemptible Shitstain, but no one told you it's a defunct category.

-

I know she'll never see this, but Halle Bailey, you make a spectacular Ariel. Thank you for rekindling my childhood with such grace, and all in under two minutes. That trailer left me breathtaken and feeling like I was yeeted magically back through time.

I'm so excited to share this story and experience with all of you. I know it's an obvious sentiment and shouldn't even need to be said, but in case you ever need to hear it: you deserve nice things, you deserve magic, and you deserve the world.

❤💜💚

[0risha]

“BONES.”

✰ PAIRING ⤷ dabi x fem!reader

SUMMARY ⤷ It took him over a decade to muddle his brain with different memories to overshadow his past ones, not wanting for the abstained shadows of remembrance to embrace him.

It’s not that he doesn’t trust you.

Dabi doesn’t trust himself.

He doesn’t trust the color of his mind to stay in the now state it’s in. If Touya Todoroki were to unwrap the gauze that clung to his very being, he’d fall apart. And he couldn’t have that. This unforgiving life of his had finally unfolded its palms and given him a gift and he’d stay sane for as long as he could to enjoy it.

✰ WC ⤷ 6.6k?

✰ TAGS ⤷ major angst, there is fluff though pinky promise, there’s a suggestive line, please don’t cancel me, it was detrimental to the story manga spoilers, a few curse words, character death, very, very soft dabi, shigaraki is an ass

NOTES ⤷ this is, indeed, the longest thing I've written that wasn't for school. and the summary is just a blurb because i had no idea what to write there. lol, I'm sitting at my laptop while crying my eyes out...... but uh.... I hope you like it ༎ຶ‿༎ຶ

You smoke, Dabi takes that into account on the first day he sees you. Dabi hates cigarettes, despises them. He hates that itchy feeling his lungs get whenever he takes a drag, hates the way it makes him feel abyssal, co-dependent. And if there's one thing that Dabi hates, it's relying on something else that wasn't him self.

With that into consideration, he’s not entirely sure why you catch his eye, you’re not typically the type he goes for. He usually chose the dainty ones, the ones that were so eager to experience a jive of thrill, they don’t realize that they’ve encountered a person who played an important role in one of the most powerful villain organizations. 

You're in the corner of a dingy bar, the dim lights somehow doing your angelic features justice. The light catches the glint of your name tag and the pastel blue of your scrubs. You look tired. Even from a far distance, he can see the sunken tent of your cheeks. The cigarette stick which hangs from in between your index finger and middle is halfway from becoming a stub. The plastic platter of pretzels that sit across from your chest is untouched as you grumble out replies to the bartender who's trying to make conversation with —a very uninterested— you.

When the clock hits eleven, your bar stool is scraping the ground as you attempt to leave. The relentless bartender grabs your arm with one last plea. His voice raising when you deny the idea that you should give him your number because you're too pretty to be by yourself. With one last pull, you stomp away towards the exit. Dabi doesn't know if it's because he's a villain too, but he follows after you. His senses telling him that there’s no way the bartender who you’d just rejected would let his wounded pride stay unbandaged. 

He’s careful not to make any noises with the soles of his boots. The absence of street lights concealing his figure. Unbeknownst to him, his body enforces the skills he uses while stalking his next prey. His languid motions flowing with the same transverse as the cold, biting wind.

And you don’t notice a thing, your hands stuffed into the pockets of your thick silver jacket. But when your walking comes to a stop, Dabi’s heart nearly tumbles out from his chest. Not a second later, you pull out a pack of cigarettes and place one to your lips, lighting it in one go. When you resume walking, Dabi’s body internally holds a jubilee with jeers of relief. He’s not exactly sure why he’s helping you but what type of person would he be if he let a pretty lady like you get hurt? 

At the thought, his throat tickles with the hope to let out a laugh.

When Dabi hears the crunch of leaves that bounce off the cracked concrete, for the second time that night he nearly breaks into a fit of laughter. The culprit’s first step is to trap you behind the fenced wall and his burly figure. What an amateur.

A part of Dabi wants to wait and see what you do. Are you a regular civilian? Do you have a strong quirk that would fight him off? His trail of thought evaporates when you hiccup out a laugh, smoke from the corner of your lips flowing into the man’s face. Dabi’s eyebrows quirking up with interest. What’s your next act?

After several hitches of breath, nothing comes and Dabi finally decides to step in as he feels the waves of anger emitting from the balding, middle-aged man who has you cornered.

The confrontation is brief —when the bartender turns to glance at an approaching lean, scarred figure, he scurries off without a word.

“Didn’t have to help me, I had it in the bag.” You squint at your savior as your cigarette bobs with the movement of your full lips. His stature towers over yours but you don’t seem the little bit phased. 

“You weren’t scared,” he says and it’s more of a question than a statement. His cool voice sends a frosty layer through each stack of your vertebrae. Though, it slowly ebbs away as you study his features and realize how pretty he is —his eyes a pool of melted lapis. Sharp cheekbones molded to accustom to scars and silver staples that do nothing but add to your thinking connotation of him being ambiguity personified. 

“Yeah, even if he did... you know.” You wave your hand. “He would’ve died sooner or later.” Dabi’s eyes narrow in confusion as he catches the way your eyelashes flutter prettily against your skin.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Oh.. uh- he had heart issues, the kind you can’t recover from.” You remove the lit stick from your lips and give him a full-toothed smile. “Thank you, Mr. Stranger.” And with that, you turn away and resume your lethargic walk down an empty alleyway.

Must be your quirk. Dabi thinks as he watches your figure disappear into the grasping shadows of the night. When he returns to the battered LOV hideout, he goes out of his way to avoid any interaction with the League. Refusing to taint his memory of your pretty smile and pretty face.

The next time Dabi sees you, you’re in the same place. This time you’re not wearing scrubs, opting for a more casual look with a baby blue top that contrasts nicely with your skin and jeans that accentuate your figure. You don't have a pack of cigarettes either.

Unlike before, you notice his stare and you bathe in it. The bartender from the other day all but glances at you. Amusingly, you turn to glance at the brooding figure in the corner of the bar with a knowing look.

After two beers and spinning courage, you walk towards Dabi with sway in your step. His eyes follow your movement until you decide to situate yourself next to him in the booth. His low lids focus on you as you fidget with your manicured fingers. Cute. He thinks. You’re too cute for your own good. 

“What’s your name?” You break the silence. Teeth gnawing into the plush dent of your bottom lip.

Dabi takes his time to mull over his answer, he doesn’t notice the way his body temperature flares nor the tiny blue flames that threaten to dance on his scabbed knuckles. A grasp —an unfamiliar cloak, wraps its fabric around his shoulders. Prickles of his being push with urgency to ease it away but it’s all in vain.

“Touya.” 

Touya, from the corner of his eye, watches your eyes light up with interest. Bright and wide with swirling specks of gaiety— joy. Which Dabi guesses are because of him. He turns his attention away from you, not wanting to get warped into your pretty eyes that sparkle just from hearing his name. 

“S’ a pretty name,” you whisper. Sporting a subtle grin, one that blows wide when you see all four chambers of his heart pumping wildly with blood. 

“Can you walk me home, Touya?”

It goes on like this, again and again —conversations with Touya at the back of the bar, sitting next to him in the grimy booth. His replies are quip ones but you know he’s listening to your idle chatter because you feel the way his eyes bore into your skull. 

The night always comes to a close with both of you walking shoulder to shoulder, the plans of your upcoming day echoing off the bounds of the night sky. You live in an apartment building, a shitty one. He remembers you complaining about the squeaky floorboards, your loud neighbors, and the pervy, greasy-haired landlord that barges through your door at the most unreasonable times of the day. Touya raises his eyebrow at that.

“I’ll take care of him for you.” The words fly past his lips before he can stop them. 

Your response is a peal of robust laughter that comes to a halt when you pull out a cigarette. “I’ll be sure to come to you,” you say. Today marked the thirtieth time you both engaged in subtle conversation. He takes note in the fact that you only smoke when you wear scrubs —the rope of curiosity gets the best of him.

“I have to keep up with the appearance of my two personalities, duh.” Touya has no clue what you mean but your clipped tone tells him that he shouldn't pry.

Meanwhile, your eyes flit to his sapphire ones than to his lips.

“Touya?”

“Mhm?”

“Can I kiss you?” You watch the way his eyes widen with a low giggle. 

But before he can answer, your lips are already on his. He’s quick to take action as he cups the underside of your jaw, your breath minty even though you just had a smoke. His head’s a mess, there’s a jumble of terms that fail to come together and form coherent ones. The only thing his brain can commit is the pillowy softness of your lips. Sadly, he can’t enjoy the whole experience. His bottom lip erased with the tissue needed to feel, only leaving a purpled patch in its wake. 

For a second, his chest tides over with a tinge of shame but it’s quickly washed away as you pull him even closer. Your small, gentle fingers carding through his soft, inky tresses.  

The kiss ends when you pull away with a breathless sigh. You stay close to him, noses nearly touching as once shared breaths mingle. His hands are on your hips now, slowly kneading the soft flesh. A couple of seconds dart by as your dark eyes stare into his bright ones. The low-lighted area giving them a fascinating glow.

You want to tell him how pretty he looks at this moment. His flustered expression causing your gut to simmer with heat.

You need to tell him how nicely entrapped his presence always makes you feel but something in you decides against it, choosing to save it for another time. So you search for an alternative, breath growing unsteady as you stumble across one.

“Can you....walk me home, Touya?” This time it's different from the first night you asked him.

This time your voice trails off with a much different undertone.

››››››››››››››››››››› ~★~ ›››››››››››››››››››››

Touya wakes up before you do. Peeks of the sun squeeze through your bedroom blinds, casting a shining glow on your skin. As he studies your peaceful features, he encounters a divulgence. One that causes his skin to crawl with parasites that immediately beg him to keep up with this facade. To derive a little longer and enjoy this bliss at his own expense. However, Touya decides against it. It’s quite obvious that he’s not the safest person to be around, his appearance giving that thought away. 

It might be better if he tells you first, he thinks.

It might be better if he lets a precious thing like you go before he builds a stockpile of lies that’ll eventually come crashing down when the realization finally hits. 

“I’m a villain, you know,” he murmurs as he watches your eyelids flutter open. He grimaces as he tries to think of what your reaction may be. The first words you woke up to would have to be that you’d let a criminal into your home —into your bed.

He sits up to place his back on your cool headboard. The bell of anxiousness that sits at the pit of his stomach rings after a few beats of silence. You turn to stare at his upright figure with two arms tucked underneath your satin pillow. “I know, m’ not stupid, Touya.” You grumble, turning your head to return to sleep.

“What?” His eyebrows knit has his chest shutters with disbelief. 

You ignore his bewilderment. “Since we’re confessing our deepest, darkest secrets can I tell you what could’ve been my villain origin story?” Touya stares at your face before bursting into laughter, one that nearly causes the staples around his jaw to unhinge. Though, this laughter is one of relief.

 A part of him doesn’t believe it. 

He doesn’t think he’s ever done a deed so right, so pure, that had earned him someone like you. The only thing his reeling mind can suffice is that he had killed a scum in some random, dirty alley that ended up being the lowest of the low. At the random thought, he laughs some more. 

“What?” You can’t help but giggle, his laughter —which was a rare entity— made you giddy with joy. “I’m serious!” You pout, turning away from him to feign anger, your ears stay perked up as his smooth, rich laughter fills your bedroom with warmth. 

“Okay, fine I won’t tell you.” His laughter trails off as he moves from the headboard to lie directly across from you. 

“Alright, tell me.” His abnormal body heat causes you to shuffle closer until you rest your head on his chest. 

When your story is done, he can’t help but stare at the ceiling in cerebrate silence.

At the age of fifteen, a program introduced by the hero association had recruited kids with abilities related to the medical field. Yours being an x-ray like quirk that allowed you to detect diseases, broken bones, and infections. Ones even normal x-ray’s couldn’t see. Forced to drop out of high school to take nursing classes and discard your latest stage of childhood life, you’d already become a registered nurse before the ripe age of nineteen. You worked in a special division, one where you only dealt with pro-heroes. You tell Touya about your worst encounter, one where you diagnosed a collection of broken ribs and the incapability to do hero work for several weeks and got shoved so hard that your ankle had twisted. Fortunately, the program had been discarded when you were twenty. With your inability to do other things that weren’t related to nursing you decided to stay one. 

“Where were your parents?” It takes you a second to answer, chest deflating in the worst kind of way as you remember your father and mother’s shame-ridden faces staring back at your own —your's ridden with disbelief.

“They got money, so it didn’t really matter what happened to me.” You whisper, using the soft pad of your index finger to trace his scarred skin.

“Wanted to be a writer, Touya.” You try your best to hold in your cries but to no avail. “Wanted to write a best-seller,” You laugh, but it’s overshadowed by the watery sob that follows.

And with that, he finally understands. You’re two personas, a writer and a nurse. His chest tides up with pride once he realizes that he’s probably the first person to see and understand what they both mean to you.

“You can still be one,” he says. But it’s a promise of his own in disguise. I’ll change the world for you, make it so you can do anything you want to. It echoes from his every syllable and trails off with a familiar lilt.

And you see it too —hope-filled eyes flit to glittering ones. His, a bright pair of blue gems that shine with raw, unfiltered passion- yet to be completely polished. Against your will, every tendril of your being untwines and wraps itself around his words- you believe him. Unconsciously, your lips blow into a wide smile. “I’ll hold you to it, Touya.”

The stagnant air diffuses once you ask him a question, “when’s your birthday?” 

Internally, you kick yourself in the shin as Touya shoots you a whimsical look. You’re not sure why this is the first personal question you decide to ask him.

But to you, Touya’s painted in grey, moral wise. You’ve only known him for less than a month, his background revealed the same night you met him. When you were with Touya, he didn’t seem like a villain. Villains were supposed to be vile, viscous people that didn’t dissolve properly into the troughs of today’s society. 

His touch was gentle, handling you with nothing other than care. But you’re sure he’s used those same nimble fingers to inflict pain on whomsoever he chose. To you, Touya’s a jigsaw. You’re prepared —at least you think you are— to solve it. Prepared to start with the small pieces. And when those gradually come together, you’d use them as a guide. Treading carefully to work from known to unknown. 

However, Touya prays to the gods that you don’t use your quirk to see the way his heart pumps wildly and the way his breath hitches. It took him over a decade to muddle his brain with different memories to overshadow his past ones not wanting for the abstained shadows of remembrance to embrace him. It’s not that he doesn’t trust you.

Dabi doesn’t trust himself. 

He doesn’t trust the color of his mind to stay in the now state it’s in. If Touya Todoroki were to unwrap the gauze that clung to his very being, he’d fall apart. And he couldn’t have that. This unforgiving life of his had finally unfolded its palms and given him a gift and he’d stay sane for as long as he could to enjoy it.

“December 15th.” Your eyes widen when you realize the day was when you both had met. “I was your birthday gift then, huh.” You giggle, pressing closer to his body to feel the erratic thump of his heart.

“Guess so.” A good lie is always better than the truth. 

That’s what he tells himself when Tomura asks where he’s been for the past couple of months. Vehement, crimson eyes digging into Dabi’s skull.  He scoffs in annoyance, opting to tell the blue-haired man that he’d been out of town to scout for new members. Rummaging through underground areas where the average of villains was the thickest. 

And yes, they’re all lies. He’s happy that Tomura is as dumb as he looks. Though it may be because Dabi has mastered the art of weaving intricate webs of lies- he’s grateful, nonetheless. 

When Dabi turns away from him, Tomura’s eyes narrow.  

Shigaraki Tomura isn’t as dumb as he looks. But Dabi didn’t know that -at least, not yet.

Here in the LOV hideout, where Dabi’s just a ruthless flame kindler, he finds no self-content, only impatience. Sometimes, taking part in Toga’s antics as a source of entertainment, her bloodlust too damn thick to ignore.

Impatience, a contagious drug that filters through Dabi’s veins and causes his blood to sear whenever he thinks about the overturn he wants hero society to so badly face. It’s the only way this ache of his can be soothed.

At first, it was just for him to bask in -for him to enjoy. For him to see a part of his past, burn. To see a rage of flames that -in time, turned to a cinder, his memories with it. 

But now, he wants you to see it too. He wants to keep you tucked by his side as everything unfolds. Knowing this, he waits. Dabi’s not naive, this dream of his isn’t a one-man act. 

Though, the biggest step closer to glory comes earlier than expected…

He’s a hero, the number two pro hero in all of Japan. His speed and the aid of his wings being his strongest suit. The information he provides is what still causes the Leauge to thrive. And the reason that Shigaraki now knows of the Meta Liberation Army. A powerful villain organization that rivaled Tomura’s very own. Led by a man named Destro, a name that every villain’s supposed to know. Kuriogi tells him this in his usual monotone voice, he’s the founder and now his son currently leads the army. The thing is, Dabi does know but for other reasons. His father was a hero after all.

Shigaraki orders Dabi to keep watch over Hawks. Sure, Dabi has his suspicions too, but he couldn’t differentiate if it’s the hostility he feels after he learns Hawks’ friendly relationship with Endeavor or for the fact that several missions had been deemed as errors because of the red-winged man’s mistakes. 

Though, his stress dissipates when he comes home to you. It didn’t take a lot of time for Touya to get accustomed to your apartment. He’s used to living in shitty places, the League had been -and still is- living in one for months. 

Fortunately, your landlord never comes around. You think it’s because of Touya’s intimidating presence but it stretches farther than that. Farther into the territory of what makes Touya into the fearful villain he is. But, you didn’t have to know that. Touya deliberates. You were stressed enough as it is.

Sometimes you’re not even home, late shift reminders overtaking your flimsy calendar. On those days, when you return, you’re so tired that Touya has to undress and bathe you himself. It’s never a toll, he enjoys listening to your barely decipherable recaps of your day, ones that sometimes turn into angry speeches of frustration that he’s sure to soothe with soft kisses to your pursed lips.

“Touya,” you whisper. Head in the crook of his neck while he lathers your body with body wash. Your head’s cloudy, exhaustion taking its home in your body. 

“Mhmm.”

“Love you, like.. a lot.” The words bleed together with little to no pauses. It’s so slurred that Touya has to mull over it.

When he finally separates them in his head, he pauses. Eyes going wide as the grip on the pink loofah loosens. 

Those words had never been emitted between you two. They were the three forbidden syllables that hung still, frozen in mid-air. It should’ve been easy to say. So easy to confess if push ever came to shove and the tides of adoration ever became too much to bear.

Despite that - in Touya’s head, his sole belief was that he was a package of damaged goods. What solace could you find if he ever told you that he loved you? Would it bring you happiness- fear?

Months had passed between the two of you, the light of winter and spring passing with intertwined hands. But what if- what if- you didn’t love Touya as much as he thought? What if you stayed by his side because you took pity on him? Took pity on a man who had no efficiency, no worth, no value, and used it to your heart’s content to mend yourself together.

Unbeknownst to him, those thoughts had run aimlessly across your mind as well. Both of you were damaged goods. Both of you unfamiliar with the thrum of the common melody. 

When you feel his movements halt, a part of you feels victorious.

Oh, how lucky you were for being high on delirium. This was a chance pulled out of luck’s pocket. 

“Don’t gotta say it, I see it.” He lowers his gaze to see you staring intensely at his chest. Which no doubt encases an organ that beats wildly because of your words. For the first time in a long time, he grows embarrassed. A streak of red blossoms from under his scarred cheeks as he chooses to hide his head in your neck, inhaling the strong citrusy scent of your body wash. 

Hesitantly, you brush your fingers across the expanse of his back. Careful to avoid rough skin. Hoping that with your touch, you can convey a message of understanding. 

I love you Touya and I know you love me.

››››››››››››››››››››› ~★~ ›››››››››››››››››››››

On a week that you’re finally off from work, you choose to spend it with Touya. He‘s barely out anyways. When you ask him why he’s never out doing villainy things. He answers with, “to spend time with you, princess.” A chortle at the end of his sentence when he sees you duck your head in embarrassment. 

“Wanna go dress shopping with me tomorrow?” You ask, taking a handful of potato chips in your palm, focus still on your tv show -which Touya believes is the most boring thing he’s ever come across.

He turns to glance at you, eyebrows knitted as he contemplates. 

He knows he shouldn’t, situations where his identity might be discovered, wouldn’t be good for the both of you. 

And if Tomura were to find out…. the possibilities were too endless and Touya would keel over before he put your life in jeopardy.  

But he still says yes- he’s never actually seen you wear a dress, he tells you. A subtle smile adorning his lips when he sees yours. He doesn’t ask why you want to buy a dress all of a sudden but he doesn’t mind.

The next day, you dress him up in a big burly coat that you had found at a thrift store years ago. Touya scrunches up his nose in disdain as you pull it up to cover his purple-hued scars, the fabric smelling oddly like sulfur. If it weren’t for the way you seemed so focused on hiding his identity he would’ve discarded the clothing a long time ago. He thinks the last straw is when you plop a pair of dark sunglasses on his nose.

“Don’t look at me like that!” you fuss. “I tried my best.” 

“Was your best option really a combination of coat and sunglasses?” He exasperates, voice coming out muffled.

“What... I can’t hear you?” You cup the back of your ear, feigning curiosity.  

He rolls his eyes at your comment. “Whatever, let’s go.”

You grab your silver coat from your rack and walk outside, both of you making it to your beat-down  Honda. As Touya shuffles in the passenger seat you can’t help but giggle at his uncomfortable posture, they turn louder when he turns to glare at you but fails miserably, his intimidating face shrouded by the coat and glasses. 

When you enter the boutique a small ding of a bell hits your ear. You smile in victory once you realize the vacancy. A short lady with gray hair waddles towards you and Touya. “Well, hello there!” She exclaims her soft voice matching with the appearance of her shop. Sweet and adorable. “What are you two looking for today.” She walks closer to you two, her motherly aura shrouding you in contentment. 

“Well… I’m not entirely too sure,” you say, clasping your hands behind your back. “But something blue and flowy.” You hum.

“Blue and flowy, you say?” She turns. “Follow me.”

You turn to glance at Touya, whose attention is already on you. You grab his hand and follow behind. She leads you to a wide room, the smell of laundry detergent filtering through the air. Your eyes widen once you see the rows of dresses adorned in plastic.

“These are all my babies.” She waves and turns to you with an expectant look, eyes crinkling as she gives you a warm smile.

“They’re real pretty, aren't they?” You nod. “Well, the dressing rooms are back there.” She points to the far right. “If you need anything just come to me, I’ll be at the front desk.” 

You walk towards the small corridor of dressing rooms and pick the first one you see. Pushing Touya into the stall, you place your hands on your hip after clicking the door shut. He takes his sunglasses off and shoots you a quizzical look.

“Show me your flames,” you breathe out, palms growing clammy as nervousness starts to set in. 

You wring your hands as you watch his adam's apple bob, his stare turning hard. “No.” 

You cross your arms and plead. “Please Touya, I wanna find a dress that matches your flames. They’re probably really pretty… don’t know why you won’t show me.” Your voice trails off.

He had an idea that this would happen sooner or later. There were times where you did see his flames but those were accidents. He always made sure to quickly extinguish them when he caught your peering eyes. 

His chest floods with guilt once he sees your disappointed expression. He didn’t think his flames were pretty. He’d melted too many flays of flesh to count. The last thing he wanted to do was show you the bright-tinged spirit responsible for his grave sins.

But one dilemma Touya has is that he can’t ever seem to jump over the weak spot he has for you. So, he gives a meek - fine.

He watches your features light up with glee, only hoping that you wouldn’t regret asking him for this. “Can I take the coat off, first?” You hum, scrambling to do it for him. Revealing his plain white tee and his dark black jeans. 

“Step back for me,” he whispers, gnawing at the bottom of his scarred lip. He opens the palm of his hand- to first, show a tiny blue flame that sways languidly. Progressively, he increases the flame until it engulfs his hand and upper wrist. When he looks up from his palm to your face, he’s surprised to see that your eyes aren't menacingly calculating or searching for release from fear. Instead, you look on in astonishment. 

He sees the reflection of his flames in your eyes and from that circled mirror, a tiny nibble of his conscience starts to ebb with pride of his quirk. 

After gushing about how pretty his flames look, you commit the color to memory. Dashing out of the stall to search for a dress, humming a tune when you envision his reaction to seeing you in such a nice, quaint dress on such a special day. 

He perks up once you unlock the door, expecting you to change and show him what you’ve found. But instead, he’s met with your smiling face and what seems to be a dress -shrouded in a velvet coverup. “Don’t look so disappointed.” You wag your finger in front of his face. “You’ll see it soon.”

When December rolls by with chilly air as company, you start to see Touya less and less. He never does tell you what exactly it is he does while out doing villain work. Though, he did tell you that his absences would occur more and more since he and his league were working hard to take down a villain organization. 

Your eyebrows had furrowed at that. “I thought villains were supposed to band together,” you asked, head resting on his thigh as you stared up at his face. “Not ones with different philosophies,” he had said, hand suspiciously inching closer and closer to your chest. You hummed, still confused. 

It might sound naive, but you couldn’t find it in you to care. Hero society didn’t interest you. You couldn’t say villains did either but Touya was one. One of the bigshots. 

Once, when you’d seen him on the little tv in the corner of your break room, it took a lot in you to not crack a smile. Though the idea of bringing chaos into the world with wide arms made your nerves rack with trepidation, you had Touya, and that seemed like enough. 

Fortunately, Touya not being home was a benefit to your plan. You’d already scheduled your days off for work and booked the reservations for the fancy restaurant that was at least an hour’s drive from your apartment building. It was hard work, but for Touya’s birthday, it was all worth it.

››››››››››››››››››››› ~★~ ›››››››››››››››››››››

Shigaraki Tomura does not like to be lied to. 

If he had written commandments for the people he came across, that would be his first line, golden engraved. It’s an unexplainable feeling he gets. If he could, he’d describe it as an itchy, hot coil that warps across his skin. It’s not painful, it’s simply annoying. And he feels it nearly every day. The scars that mar his neck being a result of it. 

Why does the world have to be riddled with so many liars? 

Dabi’s a liar, he knows that much. Hawks, that red-winged hero may be one too, but he’d deal with that when things finally came into play. 

Now, he focuses on the man Dabi truly is. Villains lie. Shigaraki knows this, he’s a villain too. But- he tells the truth when it comes to his goals. 

He tells the truth with what he wants. 

What he wants LOV to bring. 

What he wants society to flood with.

So why couldn’t Touya Todoroki do the same?

Shigaraki Tomura’s smart and Dabi is a fool to not see this. Who came up with the plans? The missions? The very concept of LOV? Sure, AFO had shaped him into who he was today but he was the same man locked in Tartarus, not Tomura.

When Tomura finds the roots of Dabi’s lies through Kurogiri’s peering eyes. It takes an hour of pleading for the ghastly man to convince Tomura not to find Dabi and disintegrate him into a fine pile of dust. 

“Why should I!” Tomura shouts, his ruby eyes glaring into Kurogiri’s yellow ones. “He lied to me.” Shigaraki spits out the word so hastily and it’s as if saying the word itself was a sin of its own. Kurogiri nods, silently transmitting his words of understanding, not wanting to raise his temper even higher. 

“But Dabi’s an important member of the League, Tomura.” Kurogiri coaxes. “In a week or so, we’ll be off to fight with M.L.A. If anything give him a warning, a threat. Just don’t kill the boy.” Shigaraki takes a second to glare at Kurogiri but eventually, his shoulders sag with defeat. 

Even though Dabi had committed the gravest sin, he’d show mercy. 

Begrudgingly, he grabs the cup of orange juice from Kurogiri’s hand, his thoughts flying at a fast pace, anger refusing to subside. All until his thinking cogs get stuck on one idea, one thought. 

The thought crawls out from his mind and paints his expression with one of sickening glee. His smile so wide, that rivulets of blood dribble down from his cracked lips. His tongue darts out to lap up the tangy liquid as he gets high on this idea, on this revelation. 

Shigaraki Tomura needs Dabi but Shigaraki Tomura does not need you.

Tomura knows everything about you, your background, your parents, the countless homes you had to reside in, where you live as of now- where you and Dabi live as of now. Where you work and what exactly you’re planning to do on the 15th day of December. It’s terrifyingly easy to uncover reservation logs.

You’re a pretty woman, Tomura could admit that. But you were a stain in his perfect, webbed canvas of the future. Those countless months where he had expected Dabi to be his righteous subordinate and listen to his demands were spent with you. Cooped up at your run-down apartment doing god knows what. 

Tomura’s teeth grit as he digs into the flesh of his neck, specks of blood underneath his fingernails while he fervently scratches the already scabbed skin. Kurogiri glances over at him, seemingly reading his mind. 

“I’m leaving.” Shigaraki swipes up from his dusty seat. Oh, how he missed the elegance of his LOV’s old hideout. 

“Don’t forget AFO’s orders concerning Gigantomachia.” 

Tomura blinks once, twice. “That thing has way too much HP.” He breathes out. 

“For now, I need to do something else.” He whispers, bringing his embalmed hand to rest on his face.

››››››››››››››››››››› ~★~ ›››››››››››››››››››››

Whenever Touya thought of coincidences he thought of the word luck. It was a coincidence that Touya had been at the same bar as you, a coincidence that because of your lack of care for hero society that you’d glossed over the fact that he was a villain. But as Touya stood in your empty apartment, bloody and bruised from his prior fight, his connotation of coincidences slowly turned sour. A bitter taste sat on his tastebuds as he read over your note. 

Happy Birthday Touya, my love.

meet me at the Burqoues Restaurant! 

Take an uber…. I don’t have any money for one 

(using it on the restaurant money) 

so I’ll just take my car.

p.s. you’ll get to see my dress. 

It was a coincidence that the day he told you was his birthday was the very day the League of Villians had merged with the Meta Liberation Army. Touya didn’t know what this grappling hook of fear was, but as he saw that your Honda was still idly parked in that weird angle you always had a habit of doing -it came to take its hold around his neck. 

Maybe you’d actually found a couple of bucks and took an uber instead. Right? 

You were probably in the restaurant, ordering that expensive champagne you really wanted to try. Ready to show that pretty, wide smile you always gave Touya when you saw him. 

Right? 

Touya couldn’t think- couldn’t breathe as he sped down the street. His grip on the wheel was so tight that his staples were close to popping. The loud ringing in his ears drowned out the persistent honking of cars that he nearly collided with. 

What should’ve taken an hour took a measly twenty minutes. Without a second thought, Touya was already out of the car. 

Upon entering, he received perturbed glances. He didn’t blame them, his clothes were bloodied, several staples unhinged from the skin. 

“S-sir?” a tiny voice squeaked. He glanced at the receptionist desk, the bright chandeliers illuminating her meek stare that looked borderline terrified. He probably looked like a villain. 

“D-do you have a reservation.” 

“Yes.” He answered gruffly, head craning to see if he could catch sight of you.

“Your name please.” 

“Touya.” He gritted, eyes focusing back on the receptionist who didn’t seem to believe him. She ducked her head to check, eyes scanning frantically. 

“Oh, yes!” She smiled, it was too wide to be real but, frankly, Touya didn’t care. All he needed to know was that you were here. 

“Table 15.” She pointed. “You won’t miss it.”

Touya didn’t bother to reply, legs already scrambling towards what he hoped would be you. Ignoring the stares that followed behind him.

Table 12

Table 13

Table 14

Table 15-

Touya's heart nearly stops, vision tinging with black as his knees nearly crumble beneath him. 

You weren’t there. 

››››››››››››››››››››› ~★~ ›››››››››››››››››››››

When Touya returned to the now, Paranormal Liberation Army hideout, Shigaraki had given him a smile so sweet that it had caused Touya's blood to run cold.

However, Touya did not pry, choosing to ignore the guilty glances the rest of the league sent his way. And he hated himself for it, hated the coward he'd grown to be in such a short period of time.

Later on that night, he returned to your desolate apartment, choosing to take a cigarette from your half- empty pack. 

Yes, Touya despised cigarettes but at that moment they'd never tasted so sweet. His lungs didn't itch, he didn't feel abyssal. He just felt— soothed. As he took several drags, Touya silently pleaded for the nicotine to somehow make every fiber of his being believe that you had decided to finally leave.

That you had finally realized that a villain like him was no good and would only put your life at risk.

However, his façade had cracked when he'd found multiple files on your desolate laptop, drafts of your story in the making. The first page dedicated to your love for giving you the motivation to publish your first ever book.

And at that moment, for the first time in his godforsaken life, Touya wished he could cry. To show you, somehow that he was grateful for everything you had given him. That he was thankful and sorry for letting his mirror that reflected thousands of moments with you -your arms cradling him, him cradling you- shatter into fractured pieces.

As Touya Todoroki sat on a velvet sofa, arms wide and camera ready, a piece of his brain fabricated the image of you next to him --adorned in a sapphire blue dress, showing him that pretty, pretty smile that he’d grown to love, he told you —and told the world the story he never had the chance to.

To simply, atone.

[satrangee-ray]

What do I call you now?

–Satrangee Ray.

Poet's note: A very simple event in my life yesterday triggered a plethora of complex emotions, hence this poem. I asked some of my readers here if I should post non-fandom content on the T, and most replied in the affirmative, so here we go! I've placed half the poem under the cut, so to read the entire piece, hit that 'keep reading', and enjoy! Hopefully, lol.

I still remember, years ago,

When you first walked in through the yellow gates.

Floral suit, crimson blush,

Warmth in the depths of your honey-brown pools.

You were beautiful.

The sequins that bordered your pink coloured scarf

Cast patterns on my roof like the milky-way;

Not once did your divine melodies miss

To tug at every single string of my heart. 

Why then, when I look at you now,

Do I see a twisted shadow of who you used to be?

What do I call you now?

I recall my hands reaching for yours,

I recall you taking them, grabbing them tight.

We had matched our tunes and conquered the world.

Every stage we walked together onto, 

In our trademark white, scarlet and gold,

The surroundings knew to shush it's buzz

Into a lingering concentration.

Magic was about to happen.

You were glorious, and indeed, magic it was!

How else would I have learnt to believe,

If it wouldn't be for you by my side?

Why then, do I feel now,

That you don't deserve to know 

How many pictures of you I had stuffed in my pocket,

On days I would feel like I couldn't?

What do I call you now?

I remember distinctly your tricks of power play,

How you would pull me close,

and in a second push away.

Was my trust only ever a toy to you?

Had no interest in your mind games.

All I ever wanted to do was stay. 

Then why all that trapping me

In your invisible curtain of shame?

No, it wasn't no knife on my back,

It was your slow poison, gradual and deadly,

Turning all things sweet in my life towards sour.

We were supposed to join voices,

Not race till our lungs give out.

You said we were a team, but you were malicious.

Today, when I look back,

devoid of rose tinted glasses,

I see so clearly what all I didn't deserve.

What do I call me now?

A clown, a darned fool, for all I know.

I put my faith in you!

Funny how your smile, tiny wrinkles around your eyes,

Make for the perfect venus flytrap.

You're prettier, of course, more fit to play that role,

but I became the Snow-white of circumstance,

On receiving your luscious looking apple.

What did you know about my soul?

My home, my grace, my family?

Your little knowledge didn't stop you though

From tainting my worth with a crooked smirk on.

I watched you deliver, blow after blow,

And come back soon,

To patch my wounds up like you cared;

Packing your first-aid kit right after,

And disappearing into thin air.

A vicious cycle went on and on…

I was hurt, you were cruel.

Caught up in the mesh of false promises,

All I could do was flash a teary smile,

And wish you well at all times.

What do I call me now?

In retrospect, perhaps, it was a mutual fault.

You couldn't put an end to your ruthless hot and cold,

I couldn't stop the flow of my endless devotion.

Terrifies me how the sound of you

Which once soothed my restless soul 

Now makes every drop of my blood boil in rage.

You do not get to do this, you really shouldn't get

To make me wanna go back to yesterday,

by casting just one glance at me in all evening.

Sometimes when my lashes close onto each other,

Your belted harmonies make me want to dream.

Inevitably, but, I open my eyes, 

And remind myself in an instant

What had made me leave.

Sorry that you fooled me into showing you my scars,

Sorry that I bothered you with my love.

Standing here, you are nothing

that I would bother putting a name to.

Was respect even present in our equation?

Was it ever, in the least, reciprocated?

Guess I'd never know, never get to ask you,

What do I call us now?

—×××—

So that was it, people! Please let me know what you think. Tagging my homies who expressed interest: @barbean @adiehardfan @gryffindordaughterofathena @lawyerlies

[daydadahlias]

Hi! I have an unusual request for you. I’m an aspiring writer and I’m always looking for ways to help develop my writing. I was listening to the new 5sos interviews and I find it really inspiring to hear the guys talk about their new music! So that got me thinking, why not ask similar questions to my favourite writer? So, question for you, what inspires you the most, as a writer? Are there were any works of fiction and/or writers that have inspired you and that you could recommend to me? 1/2

Oh, my dear, you shouldn't have allowed me this opportunity to ramble but also thank you sm for allowing me this opportunity to ramble. (also I know you're asking this as someone who has read my fanfiction only but I'm also going to apply this to how I view my ~original work~ because that'll probably give you a better answer).

1) I completely agree about how wonderful 5sos' interviews have been lately! They're all so insightful as artists and as they grow older and navigate the industry, they learn better and more profound ways to articulate themselves. I know they're a bit on the chaotic side sometimes (because they never really got a chance to grow out of that more youthful phase if you think about it and sometimes that sort of childish joy pops out) but when they actually answer a question, they always exude such genuine passion and love for what they do and I admire them so much for it. Ashton especially majorly inspires me as an artist.

2) What inspires me most? I think that's a really tough question and I’m not going to answer it well but I can try! I'm a pretty passionate person in life (as is probably apparent) and just about everything I make is crafted with a lot of care and excitement. And, a lot of the times, has some type of message I’m trying to at least subconsciously get across to an audience. And that largely just comes from the world surrounding me. I'm really obsessed with the way people view the world and I feel like every time I write a story, I'm just trying to capture even, like, a tiny sliver of the human experience. I want to be able to write a story that feels real for a reader. So I think that what inspires me the most is just people and how people feel. If you want a more tangible answer than that I cannot give you one lol! I wish I had more concrete things to describe but I've been writing novels for about eight years so it's hard to really pinpoint one specific, tangible thing that keeps me going. In terms of fanfic, I’m inspired a lot by… this sounds fucking horrible lmfao but, lack of understanding from people. Or simply ignorance/lack of exposure to a topic. I write a lot of stories with the intention of teaching something. Usually, in my fanfic, it twists back to consent but sometimes I have other things I’m trying to make a reader think about too. I talk a lot about mortality in my original work. Guilt is a pretty frequent theme I tackle in original novels. And a lot of my short stories boil down to defining different versions of love.

3) So you didn't specify if you wanted other fanfic writer inspirations or irl writer inspirations so I'm going to give you a mix of both. Strap in, she’s long.

In the 5sos fandom specifically, there are two writers I hold pretty damn highly. And I’m not going to tag either of them properly because I already gush about them too much and I don’t want them to think I’m obsessed. I’ve probably said a bunch that Anna (@/ashtcnirwin & elivigar) is my favorite writer in this fandom but it isn’t any less true now than it was when I joined this fandom two years ago. Anna has some of the most gorgeous prose I’ve ever read. I love the way she provides very sensory details in a story and I always feel really emersed when I read her work. Her stories move in a very fluid trajectory and I think read in the same way a prose poem might. They’re very lyrical to me which is what I enjoy about them so much. Anna's fics all feel, to me, very dense in a very good way. They sort of swallow you up. So she inspires me to lean into my more poetic side when writing fiction. Also, she just makes me want to write for fun because she hypes me up too much. And the other writer I really admire here is Molly (@/burstingsunrise & galacticsugar). When I was doing theatre in high school (and writing scripts), I was told that every scene should flow to a specific beat. If you say your line off rhythm, the entire audience will know because it will sound off. And it’s hard, usually, in literature to point out that type of bah-bah-beat style, y’know? But I think that Molly specifically is a great writer to read to understand how scenes have beats. She has this fantastic more modern style that I love. I feel very often that my prose gets carried away in flowery language and while Molly does have a lot of beautiful prose in her stories (looking @ Stained Hearts rn), she balances it out so fucking well with contemporary dialogue and these absolutely buck-wild similes that plant you right in the real world and current times. So she inspires me a lot to try and be more playful with my writing and try to incorporate more realism into my work. Like, for instance, my fic Take Notes wouldn’t have been possible for me if I hadn’t read Molly’s fics (specifically this one) first.

As for irl writers I really admire!!

The biggest one is Tim O’Brien. I think that it’s pretty (painfully) obvious if you’ve read Tim’s work and mine that I have adapted my style a lot in his image. I love his style of writing and I also love his viewpoint on writing. I would recommend any of his short stories/novels (my favorite being The Things They Carried). He talks in most of his work (specifically TTTC which is centered around the theme) about something called a “heart truth” which explains that a story doesn’t have to be non-fiction to be true. He relies on human emotion to tell his stories and implies that you should write what you feel rather than what necessarily happened to you. And that’s what makes the story true: the heart’s feeling about it. It kind of falls into that unreliable narrator niche and I’m just in love with it. I would highly, highly recommend him.

I’m very into Ray Bradbury as a writer. I enjoy his short stories and I love his book called Zen in the Art of Writing which is all about his own inspirations regarding his work. I appreciate him talking about how he truly doesn’t know anything about his characters when writing; he just lets them have it and follows their lead. And sometimes they don’t do what he wants but that’s the story he has to go with now. And he talks a lot about what his subconscious leads him to do in stories rather than what he actively chooses to do. Which is something that I as a writer often feel! That’s why it’s pointless for me to outline. I genuinely never know what’s coming next in a story. I never know how a piece is going to end until I am writing that ending.

This is a more niche part of my writing inspirations but there’s this poem called “Song of Myself” by Walt Whitman that I love and I think articulates the way I view (or, I guess, viewed) smut while writing it. So I think that’s pretty nice to check out. It’s a beautiful non-explicit poem that discusses the implications of intimacy within sexual moments.

Bo Burnham isn’t necessarily a “writer” but I am a massive fan of his and I think a lot of my love for writing does stem from him. As both a performer and a writer, I love the way he crafts shows and I have such respect for his art. I would so so highly recommend his Netflix special “Make Happy.”

This is gonna not make sense lol but Ryan Ross from Panic! at the Disco is also a pretty major inspiration for the way I write poetry and the way I wrote stories a few years back. I would recommend just reading the lyrics to the album Pretty. Odd like they’re a poem collection. I just think they’re so fucking lovely (specifically “Behind the Sea”).

If you’re into fantasy novels, VE Schwab was a major influence for me back when I wrote original fantasy. Her series A Darker Shade of Magic made me go ballistic. Her worldbuilding and character dynamics are almost unparalleled.

Also, plays!! Oh my god, dude, read plays as often as you can. I think plays are so fucking important to read because they’re the bare bones of a story, you know? They’re down to just the dialogue. And so I think if you want to write a good, natural story, you should read plays for those core details. Some of my favorite scripts include “The Normal Heart” by Larry Kramer (shocker there), “Dead Man’s Cellphone” by Sarah Ruhl (and honestly any Sarah Ruhl plays, she is fucking wild), “The Nerd” by Larry Shue, “Almost Maine” by John Cariani, “Come Back to the Five and Dime, Jimmy Dean, Jimmy Dean” by Ed Graczyk, and my most recent favorite is “A Raisin in the Sun” by Lorraine Hansberry.

Thank you so much for asking. I hope this gives you anything at all to work with lol <3

[gaymershigh]

Bruh. When I finished writing, I accidentally pressed draft and when I posted the work, the other half of the post disappeared + the tags. I even lost the ask too! This is my first scenario request and tumblr really ruining my vibe! I.. Whatever man, guess I have to restart everything. 😊🔫

Requested by an annonie

Triggers: None

Jade and Floyd's boyfriend who wants to surprise hug them

It's almost the end of the day and you still haven't seen your boyfriend at all. Sure, he already texted you telling that he had some business to do but that doesn't stop you from missing his presence. His calm demeanor always gives you shivers that is filled with fear mixed with excitement, how those long and slender arms wrap your figure, how he tells you how he appreciates you being his wonderful boyfriend. Ahh, you really do missed him. You wish you can just fling yourself the second you see that handsome beast.

“Dude! Snap out of it, Dingus!” Ace smacked the back of your head, making you flinch. “Geez (Y/N), we've been screaming your name and you didn't hear anything? The Hell's up with you anyway? You're creeping me out.” Ace added worryingly. You've been standing in front of your locker like a cursed mannequin and creeping out every unfortunate soul that had to pass by.

“A-ah.. Sorry about that. It's just that it's been almost a day and I still haven't seen him at all.” You scratched the back of your neck as you use your other free hand to close your locker. “Him?- oh, do you mean Jade?” Deuce asked which you nodded.

Ace just got cringe shockwave from that. He's cool with you dating that guy it's just the fact that you're being lovey-dovey grinds his gears. Well, at least your relationship is promising. “Ok dude whatever but can you at least send Grim back home? I don't think he would like to see you morons make out.” The ginger added.

“Speaking of Grim, he's been awfully quiet.” Jack said, making all of you know exactly what's going on. The four of you grunted in unison. Of course that furballs gone, he always disappear when he gets the chance. Everyone agreed to split up to find that bastard of a raccoon.

As you walked along the corridors, thoughts of Jade popped up again and you felt like daydreaming again. You wished he could appear out of nowhere and love the crap out of you. He said that he's finished with his shady business but where is he then. You're praying that he's not already at Mostro Lounge and getting ready.

Thank the Lords that they heard and answered your prayers positively. There he was, the man of sunshine, your lover, your boyfriend strolling down the halls, alone and just s few meters apart too, he doesn't notice your presence you think. That's where you get the idea to surprise him.

“SUPRISE!” You tackled and wrapped your arms around his torso tightly, the feeling of your bodys being close is so soothing. Jade looked at you with a slightly shocked expression which turned into the soft smile you always loved. “Ah, my darling. It seems you are eager. Is it perhaps that you missed me?” Jade returned the hug as he placed a soft kiss on your forehead.

“Of course I do! Don't ask questions you already know the answer to.” You chuckled as you lovingly gazed at him. You are so happy that you forgot about your current main objective. Oh well, just hope the others find Grim for you.

Actually, he already knew that you are behind but sometimes it's nice to go along for a while.

You were supposed to meet up with Floyd but your friends just had to ruin it with they're general shenanigans of causing trouble. Not only is it difficult to solve it, you had to listen to the headmaster's speech about how valuable the thing you broke is and how you shouldn't do this and that. Basically, almost facing expulsion, again.

“See you tomorrow, (Y/N)!” Deuce yelled. “See ya~” Ace added as Jack just waved before the three of them left to their respective dormitories. “C'mon (Y/N), lets go home! I feel so hungry.” Grim whined as you can hear the usual monstrous growl from his stomach. “Ah about that, I'm gonna go back here. I'll send you back, ok? Just don't set the house on fire.” You mentioned as you both are on the way to the Ramshackle dorm. “I know! I'm not dumb!” The raccoon roared back. You're surprised he didn't even asked you why you're going back.

You went back to the campus as soon you were done sending Grim back home and giving him a few tuna cans so he wouldn't moan about how you don't care about his hunger since you have heard enough from the headmaster.

No matter how tired you are, you will never betray your words when the subject is about Floyd. You love him to bits and when he called you saying that he's finished with his business work, he also sounded a tiny bit exhausted. With all the shady businesses plus Mostro Lounge, he definitely deserves some praises and love from you.

The thing is, Floyd doesn't tell you exactly where you're supposed to be hanging out so right now you looked like a lost fawn in the middle of the forest. Mostro Lounge will open up in a few hours and you want to spend all the limited time with him and not miss every single bit. You could ask people where he is but the thing is, there's nobody here to begin with so, no avail.

Luckily, the gods didn't want you to look like a moron walking around the campus. Floyd is there, walking pass by the halls while whistling. You suddenly got a great idea, why not give him a little surprise? You thought yo yourself as you already sneaked into the closest room nearby which is coincidentally your classroom.

You hid under the auditorium desks and luck was in your side as Floyd enter the same room your currently in. He stand around a spot that's very easy for you to access through. Ah, isn't this just perfect!

Without warning, you lunged at his back, causing him to gasp. “Ahh! Angelfish!” he giggled as he hugged you very tightly. Thank god he's in a good mood if you can't tell. He ruffled your hair excitedly. “You're late! You better apologize or make up something! Or I'll squeeze you~” He cooed at you lovingly. You sweated at that statement, you can't tell if he's serious or not.

“Alright, alright! If we do something fun, will you forgive me then?” Your offering seemed to work as he smile grew wider. “Oh? Something fun? Of course, angelfish~” he chuckled before softly kissing your lips.

I'm really making Jade's s/o sounding like a Pomefiore student here lol~

-𝕸𝖎𝖗𝖎

[sanchoyo]

danny phantom, season 3 episodes 3-6 thoughts!

see prev episode thoughts in this tag <3

-johnny was actually pretty civil with danny and left when he asked! thats nice. also, SKULKER?? HAD A FRAMED PICTURE OF EMBER?? oooo fuck wait had they established they were a Thing Before?? I dont think so. thats weird. its like that country boy/goth girl meme lmfao. I think i am going to choose to ignore this new info and pretend I didnt hear it. 100% unrelated to the jazz/ember fanart I already drew and posted....😳

-LADIES NIGHT EPISODE THIS IS WHAT ITS ALL ABOUT. wish it didnt really center around the guys or them being pissed at them, but. willing to bet this was written by men lol

-THEY ERASED ALL THE MEN??? meanwhile, jack and danny are fishing at. silent hill or something. im glad jack is trying to read a parenting book and making an Attempt. (theyre at lake erie, but, they made it actually eerie...thats fun)

-the girls alt outfits...cute. EMBER MADE A NEW SONG TOO!!! kinda. jazz being one of the backup singers and being AWFUL. NOOOO

-'how are we going to get kitty to blow a kiss?' 'she'll have to think there are still some males in town!' ...i dont know how to break it to you, but I dont know that a 100% het girl would wish for all men to Begone. I think. I mean im not a het or a girl so I dont really know for sure. she Is probably Bi tho. esp having the other ladies in town chanting NO MEN!!! excitedly............(then again, the kiss is to get Rid of men, so, she probably would have blown it at the ladies only if they were actively trying to attack/stop them, so...I MEAN. THE DRESSING LIKE DANNY BIT WAS SO EXTRA)

-I feel like an all female cast ep couldve been way way way way cooler than that was. like. why was it still somehow all about Men. ...anyway. (where was valerie...)

-next ep opens with the observants, and, way way more of them than I expected...existed? I mean I guess them being a council/jury of some kind is what I expected from their first appearance (bc at that time they were basically TELLING clockwork to kill danny, not asking,, so I figured they had SOME kind of authority) but. there were so many. anyway, here goes vlad! letting his own hubris go brrrr. releasing a weather ghost for political gain! #justvladthings

-okay say what you will about him (he IS an asshole) but having an umbrella with his own face on it and more prepared to share is SUPER FUNNY. and him being fanned by huge wads of money by his bodyguards. SO ineffective but so Dramatic. He UNDERSTANDS that if youre rich you need to be. you know. obnoxious and kinda eccentric about it! fuckign hate when rich people are boring about it. I would trust vlad with nothing except to not be a boring rich asshole who wears...fucking khaki or some shit. man knows his Presentation Skills. and that 'V' chair in his mayoral office. is that fucking embroidered?

-maddie get your MAN PLEEEEASSSE. IM SO EMBARRASSED FOR HER. the way jack stays simping for this man. in FRONT OF HIS WIFE!!!! ...my god its like a love triangle. jack clearly loves vlad, who loves maddie, who loves jack. jack fenton is at the very least bi, right................. this is an OBSESSION . 'THE V MAN COMETH'???? i...my god. (also, on a serious note, to have a friend THIS SUPPORTIVE...and still be SUCH A DICK TO HIM (TRYING TO KILL HIM AND STEAL HIS WIFE??) NOT COOL VLAD. JACK IS YOUR 1 AND /ONLY/ HYPE MAN. if someone loved and supported me THIS HARD...LIKE. CMON DUDE.

-STOMP the fucking GAS, JACK

-this would make a great shirt design, looks like a metal band design! we love The Maelstrom

-oh, so vlad did in fact get a mansion in amity park. and its purple! good color choice! not as flashy as a CASTLE or MURDER CABIN, but still pretty eccentric, which I appreciate.

-...vlad knows the difference between picasso and da vinci? in the ep last post where we were watching him fail at conquering every historical time ever he didnt seem to know history well enough to like. be effective...was vlad taking art history at college?? (was he an art MAJOR??? we never DID KNOW WHAT HE WENT TO SCHOOL FOR. I kinda assumed business because in the masters of time ep he was still rich without ghost powers so he had to have..known something about business or something, right...but also, art and or theater FITS HIS PERSONALITY. possibly also something science-y, I guess, but I always felt like he got roped into that, esp how pessimistic he was about the ghost portal in the flashbacks to college, like, i felt like he was just there for maddie and was uninterested/un-invested at the time...)

-THIS GHOST JUST ELECTROCUTED MADDIE (THE CAT) BITCH!! THATS MY FAVORITE MADDIE!!! vlad going after vortex and being ~shocked~ .....WHEN. WHEN WILL YOU LEARN. THAT YOUR ACTIONS. HAVE CONSEQUENCES!!!

-the way this random man with a camera sees the mayor laying in an alley covered in TRASH AND DECIDES TO TAKE A PICTURE HAHAH

*snap* this ones going in my cringe compilation!

-vlad 'if we're going to defeat vortex, we're going to have to do it together!' *immediately dips after dropping danny off in front of vortex* JKASDFHKJHJKN

-DANNY CAN DUPLICATE!!! ...he couldnt even attack with it, but he DID IT!!! INTO (4) OF HIMSELF!!! SO PROUD!!!!!!!!!!

-'THE ROLLER COASTER EMOTIONS OF A TEENAGER THREATEN MY PLANS!' ...0 self awareness of his own dramatic moodiness. incredible, how dumb this man is. its very close to circling around to endearing, if he was less of an asshole. at least its very very funny to see danny shooting him with tiny lightning bolts anytime he's even slightly irritated! vlad you should be nice to danny anyway. this is what you GET

-...making sandwiches and ice cream and playing video games with your nephew is a totally normal thing. WHY is vlad acting like this is the end of the world. if you were a GOOD UNCLE YOU WOULD ALREADY BE DOING THESE THINGS!!! bitch I make my nephew food all the time and dont forget what he does and doesnt like. if u didnt know danny didnt want tomatoes, thats on u. if u, a grown adult, are gonna piss of the 14 yr old by not letting him win, u deserve to have to pay for the arcade machines he ruins because he now has uncontrollable storm powers because YOU THREW HIM INTO A FIGHT WITH THE STORM GHOST. fuck u vlad. paypal me $400,000 while ur at it tho. (also, gamer vlad confirmed)

-VLAD CAN COOK THOUGH???! I assumed he had...people working for him that did that. I mean. billionaires usually dont do that. then again, we've only seen those vultures working for him (and I guess the dairy king was AT his old mansion, but it was never really clarified if he worked there...I think he probably just Hung Out and they Enjoyed Cheeses Together. thats what I think, I dont think a KING would be working for anyone and also the dairy king was nice <3) but then again he would be a private person and we cant have anyone accidentally finding Ghostly Things, so...still, that's hilarious. pour one out for that really cute banana split that got ruined 2 seconds later

-vlad just fucking picking danny up and THROWING HIM AT VORTEX TWICE WITHIN LIKE A MINUTE. JUST ABSOLUTELY LAUNCHING HIM. BITCH THATS MY SON BE CAREFUL!!! HES GOT ORGANS AND THINGS!!!!

-danny seeing those animal commercials and feeling sad is the biggest 2000s throwback so far. i legitimately had to change the channel or walk out of the room when those came on bc id CRY AND BE SAD ABOUT THEM FOR DAYS AFTER. fuck those commercials and fuck that IN THE ARMMMS OF AN ANGELLLL song 😭

-'vlads ego almost got the town destroyed!' yes danny thats the entire episode. the entire series anytime vlad shows up honestly. this episode was just him being really embarrassing the entire time, and, me laughing about it. 10/10 would laugh at him again

-NEXT EP WE HAVE A SHAPESHIFTING GHOST?? I've said it before but shapeshifting is the power I would want when asked those 'what superpower do you want' questions...its the Best power! this guy looks like a homestuck character. ive never read homestuck but thats the vibe

-I love every time we see tuckers family, they are by far the most functional family. and dash has a lil chihuahua!!! named pookie!!! i am crying (I've had 3 chihuahuas, so I am very biased, but...) AND HE WATCHES THE ROMANCE CHANNEL WITH POOKIE. POOKIE I WILL DIE FOR YOU YOU SWEET LITTLE BABY.

-danny can lift a bus! I shouldn't be surprised, but i am proud of my son. hes got lil kid fans. i am going to cry about this

-JAZZ KEEPS A SCRAPBOOK WITH DANNY'S LIL HEROICS AND NEWSPAPER CLIPPINGS!!! we've actually seen it on her floor before, but I didnt realize it was a scrapbook!! thats sooo cute.

-...and danny has to stand there listening to his parents saying danny phantom sucks and is a 'filthy ghost' and calling him egotistical...i am once again stealing their kids!

-THIS GHOST RIPPING JAZZ'S SCRAPBOOK!!! ILL KILL YOU. SHE WORKED HARD ON THAT!!! BITCH

-yes, maddie, the one with red eyes is For Sure Actually Your Son. ignore the, red eyes... (CLEARLY she hasnt watched the other 2 eps where danny has been evil, she doesnt know red eyes= evil!!!)

-'billy fenton'.......................

-danny being stuck as phantom in his own house, no way out is a fucking NIGHTMARE. his parents pointing giant weapons against him and SHOOTING AT HIM. THIS IS A HORROR MOVIE.

-NINE INCH NAILS POSTER.

-this is the most screenshot of all time

-amorpho turning into mr. lancer because hes 'someone no one will want to be around' BUT HES WRONG, I WOULD BEFRIEND AND HANG OUT WITH MR LANCER SO FAST.

-tucker dressing as danny, now I have the full Tucker set of him being sam and also being danny. also saying 'the ghost...uh...RIPPED MY FACE OFF.' and then running. SMOOTH. NOT AT ALL CONCERNING TO ANY PARENTS.

-sam accepts the toast from jack. and then 2 seconds later is like 'why am i eating this.' THIS SHOWS HUMOR IS SO UNEXPECTED SOMETIMES ITS REALLY GOOD. and then the scene after, mr lancer running into his ghost doppelganger and being like 'YOURE GORGOUS' THEN FAINTING. I AM CRYING. AND DASH FAINTING TOO.

-sam disguising herself as danny again to help tucker run from the fentons. but leaving him shirtless in the streets. incredible. 'plEASE DOnt NOTice MY FACELessNESS I MUST LIVE IN EXILE' this episode is destroying me the humor in this show is exactly my brand of corny and cheesy

-the impromtu story made up by danny and amorpho to explain stuff to the fentons. my god they are both such bad liars. but amorpho is a good egg. wish danny wouldnt have said he didnt wanna see him in town again!! I want him to be reoccurring. not that thats gonna matter since I'm almost done with the series, but the idea of this being the Only Time We See him is :(

-NEXT EP SAYS STARRING MARK HAMILL??????!!! hello ! mr . joker....mr. star wars.... I feel like I should be. idk. taking off a hat im not wearing in respect. I shouldnt be surprised tho bc hes in a lot of cartoons as a very good voice actor, and dp has already had a lot of talented ones so I've been looking out for ones I might know, but....mr. hamill....

-sam has her own greenhouse, names all the plants, and says thank you to them (in the languages from where the plants are from) whenever she harvests from them. thats SO cute. and her lil gothy lunch box...

-and danny's lil red fuzzy lined jacket!!! ive said it before but every time the characters get alt outfits im like :D

-danny has ice powers now!!! THATS WHAT FROSTBITE MEANT. HE KNEW SOMEHOW WAY BACK THEN

-THIS SHOW NEVER LETS YOU FORGET VLAD IS A BILLIONAIRE, HUH.

-danny's lil 'holy hibiscus!' first off the 50s batman swearing is hilarious. 2nd. my username is from the flower sanchoyo hibiscus, so, shoutout to ME this ep. hi :)

-EURGH UNDERGROWTH MAKING EVERYONE PLANT ZOMBIES. HIVEMIND PLOTS SCARE THE SHIT OUT OF ME. and this dude made the city SO overtaken so quickly like how long was danny asleep?? oh god

-evil fucked up sam! now the whole trio has gone evil at some point! the voice actress did a really, really good job with making her sound like a zombie...

-frostbite's paws are so so so big compared to danny. oh my god. i want to hug the snow dog...

-the far frozen has an advanced medical stuff!!! very cool. very smart snow dogs

-im so glad danny has a friendly ghost snow dad to explain this new power and teach him!!! this is so sweet. DANNY'S GHOST SENSE WAS A PART OF HIS ICE POWER?? OOOH. COOL. we love a training montage!!!

-danny saying if he cant defeat overgrowth, that he'd want to stay with frostbite...oh my god...do you think this is the first real supportive adult figure in his life (I am NOT counting his parents because they threaten him on the daily even if they dont realize it.) I mean mr lancer is a Teacher, but he was also nice but this is different, but this is a GHOST WHO IS WILLING TO HELP HIM with his powers and also will help him when hes injured and is so so nice and comparatively so much more mature than 90% of the adults in this show!!!! god. dad frostbite is my everything.

-the framing and lighting this episode, and all the angles...they went all OUT and it looks really really good. this is my nightmare scenario, tho. like, FUCK zombies and dead city zones and hivemind shit. and using the humans as 'nutrients for the children' i am going to THROW UP.

-MALEFICENT VIBES WITH THE HORNS AND GREEN EYES! this costume kicks so much ass. sam is now mark hamills daughter, I guess.

-danny's ice powers making his eyes blue!!! thats neat. and him going for the roots underground was SO SMART. i will not stand for danny ever thinking hes stupid, hes SO smart.

almost done with the show... :"( thats a sad thought!!!

[carmenlire]

My heart breaks every time you talk about ypur sexuality. You shouldn't have to feel like ypu need to hide an important part of yourself around friends and family. You should be loved regardless of whether you want to spend the rest of your life with a man or a woman or someone in between. I am angry at the world around you for making you feel like your sexuality somehow isn't okay. I'm glad you deal with it through your writing but I wish you didn't need to. I love you, just the way you are.

I want you to know that I’ve read this message like half a dozen times since you sent it yesterday and it just makes me very emotional. Thank you for taking the time to send this really lovely, kind, sweet message. It means the entire fucking world and I appreciate it so, so much.

Now, I wrote quite a bit so I have a read more tag. I hope this isn’t too annoying!

My family is better than some, of course. I don’t think that they would disown me or hurt me. However, it would change things irrevocably and they would look down on me, think me less. I’ve heard the things they’ve said. Sometimes they are all I hear. It is far easier for everyone concerned if I never tell them. So, I will keep packing away all those tiny signs that I am not straight when they visit my apartment and lie when they ask questions that are uncomfortably close to the truth they wouldn’t be able to handle. It is what it is and so it doesn’t really matter that much. I’m just glad that I do have my own place– I felt so stifled in the winter and early spring living with them while I was carrying that.

As for my friends, it’s the same thing lol. They would still accept me– and I don’t really think that it would change anything but– I’m afraid. There would be an adjustment period and it’s that ephemeral feeling like I’m disappointing them– like I should apologize for no longer (did I ever?) fitting in the box that they put me in. Though, honestly, they’d be fools not to pick up the clues that I’ve been throwing out. It’s getting damned hard to keep everything under wraps now that I am becoming accustomed to it and am starting to actually embrace my sexuality.

Thank God for my writing lol. I’ve journaled for damn near a decade but I never knew that writing fiction– using characters and settings that I was already familiar with– could be so therapeutic to get my emotions and thoughts and feelings out there. I use it in a couple of areas and I’m very grateful that I have that outlet.

This is an outlet, too. everyone on tumblr knows (how could they not) and it’s nice to have a forum that I can just yell about being gay and know that no one cares– and quite a lot of people are in the same boat lmao. Twitter, too, is getting to be the same. I’m starting to give much less of a fuck lol.

I’m much better than I was six months ago and much, much better than I was last year or the years before that. I’ve had pretty blatant signs that I was Not Straight for a few years now but I always ignored it or explained it away. I was drinking pretty heavily last winter when the thoughts and confusion were eating away at me. I spent like every waking moment making lists and looking shit up and just generally obsessing over what I was. I eventually had to admit to myself what I was feeling, though, and it helped that my best friend was literally going through the journey. She was (is, always) my rock and I love her so much for always being there and accepting me and being someone who I could talk things through with.

As you probably know, I have days when I am elated that I am gay, that I’m a lesbian. Loving girls is pure and lovely and makes my heart sing. There are days, honestly, when I question it and agonize over it, and hate it, just a little (maybe a lot). I have my family and religion in my ear and it’s just all around very difficult sometimes.

But, it’s getting better. I’m getting better at working through things and it’s a combination of time– Since February, when I officially came out to pumpkin I am So much better. Plus, I have friends on here and twitter that are just the absolute best.

I know this turned into a very long message and I’m sorry if this isn’t what you wanted but I just kinda rambled about everything lol (it has been A Day). Thank you for caring and wanting my world to change. I’ve accepted it, though. If I have anything to say about it, my family will never know. It might be a little bit before I tell my friends– though I have come close a time or two. They just are always talking about boys and who they want to set me up with. It’s disheartening for me– throws everything into stark relief– but I don’t want to ruin something so innocent. 

I have a lot of issues– a lot of insecurity and doubt. Sometimes, I just need to get the fuck out of my head. But, I’m better. I am gay. I could see myself loving a girl– the thought of it actually makes me really, really happy and content and warm. It’s turned into a comfort, the image of a girlfriend, when a year ago I refused to let myself even contemplate such a future.

Again, just thank you so so incredibly much for this message. It means the absolute world and I’ve teared up every time I’ve read this lol. It’s bolstering to know that there are people like you who would accept me, that not everyone is my parents or sister or family in general. Thank you

[first-only]

Do you have any advice for somebody who wants to reveal the fact that they are problematic on their main, but is really scared to do so?

I want to just live my truth and not care anymore, but the thought of losing people who I thought were my friends, and the thought of receiving a lot of harassment, scares me a lot. It's not like I'm completely pure on my main, I mean my AO3 is literally filled with incest, but it is possible that a lot of people who follow me haven't caught on yet. I know I shouldn't care about anti's clout, but this is the only place where I actually get complements on my art (even if they're not that many) and it's hard to have to possibly say goodbye to those praises and interactions.

But I'm just tired. I have so much stuff I want to post, that I'm scared to. There's a big twincest Au I have, that I really want to draw and write for! But I've put it off for so long in fear of what people will think of me.

I know their opinions don't matter, and I do know a couple of my friends who are secretly just as problematic as me and wont leave. I just, I dunno, I'm scared, antis and current fandom scare me a lot

Sorry if this was a bit rambly

I dont really think the people who would harass and call you out are real friends. And honestly, i dont think their compliments really... matter? Like i understand that getting positive feedback on your art feels amazing, and im probably the minority in that, but honestly? I would rather get no response than compliments from people whose opinions dont matter to me, or i actively try to avoid seeing even a glimpse of their takes. How did that saying go.. dont take criticism from people who you wouldnt ask advice from?

As for being scared of negative attention, I just block liberally and either insta delete or troll-answer bait-y asks. I feel like the anti/harassment threat is.. a tiny bit overfeared by some people. Yes, of course some people get a lot of hate and bait but usually you get a few asks, block them, and never hear it again until you have to block someone else a month later and thats the last of it. Yes some people get a /lot/ of attention but they're usually popular or are targeted specifically by someone (often on personal accounts rather than just being internet randos to each other)

If you want to reveal that you dont buy into anti bullshit gently, i'd rec just reblogging a few anti-harassment posts. Then maybe a few of a ship thats on the edge of "problematic." Then maybe a popular think-about-it anti-purity culture post (gaud has one thats very well and gently put). I mean i guess thats the safest route to like.... serving it slowly and letting people jump ship at their level of comfort? I mean, personally i would just post them twins fucking and enjoy the idea of people outraging (with the finger on the block button lol) but if you're not comfortable with that, maybe a soft boil would be easier.

And please remember, anti side is /not/ the default. It's /not/ the majority. I would personally not even call it 'real' fandom, its just the like plato's allegory of the cave of fandom, where the normies (for lack of a better term) saw us having fun and decided to join but then try and trample on our culture.

If you post your art someone will like it. A lot of people will love it. There are many many of us freaks and fandom olds who would greatly enjoy to see you free of the mainstream idea of fandom and would love to follow you and have fun together. Even if you lose the antis you will gain the essentials and those bonds will be stronger and not hinge on not saying the 'wrong' word ever.

also like if you post that twincest tag me pls i love me some <3