#the good thing abt the internet is that you /can/ actually curate who interacts with you

[juicezone]

Hi, I’m really new to the agere community and a lot of my learning is coming from your blog since it feels like a very safe and comfortable space. Can you explain was a f/o is? I think it’s a fictional caregiver, but I don’t know what the letters stand for. Also, how do I choose a fictional caregiver? It’s just someone who makes me feel really safe when I’m little right? Do you make up stories with plot lines about how they would take care of you? Or do you do things more like head-canons? I imagine you can’t really do it “wrong” but I want to do things the way that the agere community does here! So that if I ever post about it I know what’s what.

Please don’t feel obligated to answer this, for any reason at all! After all, you and I are just people on the internet with very busy irl lives. I would appreciate any guidance, even if it’s just “I can’t answer this but here’s some tags or blogs to look through and ask instead!

Thank you!

hi anon! first of all, genuinely touched that my acc is a safe and comfortable place, like. genuinely, it means a lot <:) (Capri, who is kinda like my system cg actually has an acc @cg-sunnyd too that you might wanna check out! she has a fairly full queue and tags that you might like to check out <:)

feel free to come by and chat any time :D

this might get long, so i'll put it under a cut!

What is a F/O?

F/O stands for fictional other, i'm pretty sure? It can be romantic, familial, platonic, a mix, ect. It's most used in self-shipping communities i think, but it's also common to see referenced/used in relation to fictional cgs and such! (additionally, S/I stands for self-insert!)

There are people who prefer to not share their F/O's and i know that's sometimes a hot/judged topic, but imo, it's a simple block and move on. Tha block button is under-used imo - sometimes vibes just don't match, and there's nothing wrong with blocking! this is YOUR comfortspace. curate as you need <:)

How do I choose a Fictional CG?

you're absolutely right that there's no way to do it wrong (with the exception of ignoring DNI's)

Really, there's no wrong way to go about it! i've seen all sorts of characters ppl see as their fictional cgs, from kids cartoons to anime to horror, ect! and you can definitely have more than one fictional cg, in the same media, in diff media, ect

you can choose any character that you want to be your fict cg, and you can also have characters that are like siblings and partners and friends! I dont go into it as much here bc this is my agere space, but I like to think of bones as my partner too, honestly (and plenty of IRL people have their partners as CGs, so dont feel like you're not allowed to have a character as a fict cg if you also like to imagine being their partner!)

headcanons, little stories, doodles, those are all definitely ways people interact with their fict cg! i also have ocs that i put into stories and situations with Bones (who is definitely my no.1 fict cg. my papa fr fr), so you don't necessarily have to do a direct self-insert!

most of mine involve bones comforting or looking after me, bc i have a hard time doing that to myself, and it makes me feel better and less selfish to imagine him saying i deserve those things. i also use it to help encourage me to do hard things, like coursework, or when i'm really, really not good mentally, i also like to picture him there for me <:)

my friend will came up with the idea of a fictional CG journal and has some ideas posted here abt that !

IMPORTANT!

You're allowed to regress in whatever way makes you feel best. your regression doesn't have to be baby blankets and naptime if that's not you! you can regress and like horror games, or have favourite characters from gorey media (just make sure you tag stuff!). you dont have to be a soft baby - middle regression sometimes gets the short stick of things, but it's entirely just as valid. and you dont NEED a caregiver to regress, but you might prefer it! you might want a fictional cg and not an irl person!

Possible Resources/Blogs to check out!

(I dont wanna really tag, so i'm just gonna put the user names and why i rec them)

@cg-sunnyd - i'll directly line u her tag list, so if u wanna check it out, u can see what she tags as what!

comfort-character-central - lots of posts about comfort chars and/or f/o's and imagine posts

bunnelbaby - more agere related resources than specifically F/O or fictional cg ones, but there's lots here thats useful i think!

wildflower-playground - another more agere specific blog, its a cg blog like capri's is! tags for routine, comfort, ect!

theregressionlibrary - GREAT place to find agere content of a specific fandom or character!

ageregressionresources - another good resource blog!

honestly, building yourself a little circle of friends is like the best advice i have, and just enjoying yourself! this is your space to be comfortable, and you dont have to make yourself a big blog, but your own cozy space <:)

if anyone else has any good resources or such, feel free to drop them in the tags or replies! i hope some of this helps, anon, and that you have a wonderful day :D! (if you're looking for blogs to follow, feel free to send another ask w some stuff u like n ill see if any of the blogs i follow match up :3c)

[midnight--sadness]

seeing people care so much about top/bottom in this fandom annoys me. like just choose what you like or don’t and move on. i dont understand why everyone gets mad or accusatory, because literally either could work and also IT DOESNT MATTER. its kind of gross to care so much, in my opinion.

i understand what u are saying, anon, but i think people can like whatever they want and it really isn't our place to tell them that they care too much about something.

i love bottom gihun and i typically don't interact with anyone who thinks diferently bc i want to protect my own peace lol and i bc know that these types of things are preferences and it's difficult to change them!

that doesn't mean i'm going to harass anyone who likes top gihun, tho. i might say what i like on my own blog (and even joke abt the situation) but i'm going out of my way to comment under someone's post abt top gihun saying that "hmm no 🤓☝️ gihun is actually a bottom bc i said so!" that's just weirdo behavior. and i'm also not going to treat badly anyone who sends me an ask abt top gihun; i'm going to politely tell them that it isn't my preference and move on.

i think getting mad or accusatory over who tops or bottoms is a bit strange, but i also understand it honestly. when i was younger and starting in fandom, i couldn't stand to even read abt someone whose opinions were different from my own. i was young, too young maybe bc i had no business being 11 and on tumblr, and i didn't curate my internet experience, so i ended up seeing a lot of things i didn't like and it made me upset. but, in the end, everyone has different opinions and different things they like, and we have to pick and choose what we put on our dash. tumblr has a good filtration system so it isn't difficult to just filter out what you dislike!

also, i understand that it is your opinion and you are entitled to it, but you really shouldn't say you think it's gross. everyone is different and while some care about who tops and bottoms, others, like yours, don't. i don't you'd like it the others called you gross for not caring abt this type of thing.

trying to dictate what people can or can't care about is not it.

[first-only]

Do you have any advice for somebody who wants to reveal the fact that they are problematic on their main, but is really scared to do so?

I want to just live my truth and not care anymore, but the thought of losing people who I thought were my friends, and the thought of receiving a lot of harassment, scares me a lot. It's not like I'm completely pure on my main, I mean my AO3 is literally filled with incest, but it is possible that a lot of people who follow me haven't caught on yet. I know I shouldn't care about anti's clout, but this is the only place where I actually get complements on my art (even if they're not that many) and it's hard to have to possibly say goodbye to those praises and interactions.

But I'm just tired. I have so much stuff I want to post, that I'm scared to. There's a big twincest Au I have, that I really want to draw and write for! But I've put it off for so long in fear of what people will think of me.

I know their opinions don't matter, and I do know a couple of my friends who are secretly just as problematic as me and wont leave. I just, I dunno, I'm scared, antis and current fandom scare me a lot

Sorry if this was a bit rambly

I dont really think the people who would harass and call you out are real friends. And honestly, i dont think their compliments really... matter? Like i understand that getting positive feedback on your art feels amazing, and im probably the minority in that, but honestly? I would rather get no response than compliments from people whose opinions dont matter to me, or i actively try to avoid seeing even a glimpse of their takes. How did that saying go.. dont take criticism from people who you wouldnt ask advice from?

As for being scared of negative attention, I just block liberally and either insta delete or troll-answer bait-y asks. I feel like the anti/harassment threat is.. a tiny bit overfeared by some people. Yes, of course some people get a lot of hate and bait but usually you get a few asks, block them, and never hear it again until you have to block someone else a month later and thats the last of it. Yes some people get a /lot/ of attention but they're usually popular or are targeted specifically by someone (often on personal accounts rather than just being internet randos to each other)

If you want to reveal that you dont buy into anti bullshit gently, i'd rec just reblogging a few anti-harassment posts. Then maybe a few of a ship thats on the edge of "problematic." Then maybe a popular think-about-it anti-purity culture post (gaud has one thats very well and gently put). I mean i guess thats the safest route to like.... serving it slowly and letting people jump ship at their level of comfort? I mean, personally i would just post them twins fucking and enjoy the idea of people outraging (with the finger on the block button lol) but if you're not comfortable with that, maybe a soft boil would be easier.

And please remember, anti side is /not/ the default. It's /not/ the majority. I would personally not even call it 'real' fandom, its just the like plato's allegory of the cave of fandom, where the normies (for lack of a better term) saw us having fun and decided to join but then try and trample on our culture.

If you post your art someone will like it. A lot of people will love it. There are many many of us freaks and fandom olds who would greatly enjoy to see you free of the mainstream idea of fandom and would love to follow you and have fun together. Even if you lose the antis you will gain the essentials and those bonds will be stronger and not hinge on not saying the 'wrong' word ever.

also like if you post that twincest tag me pls i love me some <3

[bogkeep]

hi i saw your post abt self harm on the internet and i was wondering if you could expand on that!! im not sure i get entirely your point or what you would consider discourse in in regards to that and id genuinely like to understand what u mean because im not sure im looking at this through the right lense

okay, i’m going to make an attempt! i can tell from the tags people write that a lot of people relate or understand what i mean, but if you don’t? that’s okay, and maybe good even, especially if it means you’re taking good care of yourself.

so what i mean is like… when you do something; when you open a social media site or look something up, what will you get out of it? what’s the input going to your head and heart? how will it make you feel? and this isn’t a rhetoric question like “obviously it will make you feel bad” because there’s a lot of good things on the internet - interacting with friends and acquaintances, learning things and sharing perspectives, looking at art and getting inspired, looking at cute cat pictures, etc. we have so much information and media at our fingertips’ reach!! and it’s a double edged sword. because you can like inject all these good things directly into your brain, but you can ALSO inject a lot of bad things into your brain, too. like it’s really easy to look up things that trigger you in any way, and sometimes you might not even know something is triggering you. i don’t know if you’ve ever had that like, curiousity to check something out that you’re better off not knowing, but you do it anyway, because you CAN so why NOT. because we can!!! we can access everything so easily!! like people twenty years ago could not look up their exes on five different social medias and keep up with their lives. it’s wild how we can know what’s happening basically all over the world pretty much the instance it happens. having to care about the fate of the entire world is some superhero angst shit. you’re just one person and you’re alive and you’re going to like, be here for a while, so please take some deep breaths ya feel. but also the world is in a pretty dreary state right now so like. it’s rough. it really is!

and i’m not saying we should all avoid everything that hurts us all the time and put ourselves in bubbles or anything. hurt is gonna happen. the world is gonna be rough. but also, set boundaries for yourself. DON’T look up your exes. you don’t HAVE to know all the news constantly, and you’re not a bad person for taking a break to live your life. if you struggle with body image, looking at heavily curated and edited instagram selfies and comparing yourself to it is really just hurting yourself over and over. so i am specifically talking about the boundaries you hold to *yourself*. just because we CAN do anything and keep up with everything, it’s not…. a good thing to do. there’s just TOO much. a lot of the time i hear people condemn entire sites like twitter or tumblr for being toxic cesspools where only X and Y happens, and like, yeah, some of these criticisms are valid, but it’s also ENTIRELY possible to curate your internet experience. unfollow blogs that stress you out or circulate content or comments you find toxic or don’t like the attitude of. blacklist tags. etc. it’s easy to feel like there’s only this or that kind of blogs out there, but that’s not true. the internet is so full of different people, and there’s bound to be content out there that will make you happier if you need it.

so, in regards to discourse, i’m not referring to a certain discourse - i’ve been on tumblr for what, six years now? discussions come and go, and a lot of the time there’s been a lot of genuinely constructive conversations and discussions! but a lot of discussions out here seem to evolve into something much less constructive. some discussions just don’t GO anywhere, neither side actually wants to listen or change their opinion, people forget there’s another human being on the other side, and it’s just… at some point it’s like people forget what they’re trying to ACHIEVE by doing what they’re doing. some people are just taking out their anger and frustration on the internet. there’s a lot of infighting between marginalized groups - especially the lgbtq+ community, because we’re all hurting and scared and have so many life experiences from all around the world, a lot of us are really young, and it’s. it’s hard! it’s so hard sometimes. and the thing is, a lot of the discourse on internet becomes like, layers upon layers, and what makes sense when you’re on five layers on tumblr is NOT necessarily applicable in real life. sometimes it like… becomes the equivalent of an academic text where you have to go through an education to even understand the terms that are being used. like, personally? sometimes i see discussions i don’t have the heart to partake in myself anymore, and i don’t understand what’s being said at all. and honestly that’s such a relief to me. that’s not to say partaking in discussions is inherently bad! it can be really good! but for me, i can’t do it anymore. my personal experience was trying to act in good faith and be open to learn and change and i kept replying to someone who refused to listen to anything i said, and instead kept attacking me. it was like repeatedly flinging myself against a wall. the impulse to have a constructive discussion with everyone who disagrees with me on my own post is *there*, but it’s not worth it for me, because the stress and time and energy i inflict on myself for the sake of a complete stranger who does NOT have my best interests at heart…. yeah. no. consider if you *really* need to die on that hill. it’s okay to walk away.i don’t know if this will help or if it’s still too nebulous. it’s mostly about what choices you make and considering what you’re trying to achieve, and whether your actions are actually reflecting that, or if you’re just causing yourself pain and frustration. the concept of emotional self harm (especially through internet) has been put forth by several people, but some sources that have like, helped me formulate this whole thing has been- contrapoints video about incels - the podcast ‘just break up’- the podcast ‘conversations with people who hate me’