#this is so good i can clearly imagine every single scene that plays out

[seneon]

reading this w "dream ended this way - demo version" by antihoney made it even more despairing i don't recommend

The Faint Glimmers of Yesterday

Dabi x reader (main), Shoto x reader (platonic relationship)

genre/ warnings: Angst, straight up depression, Imprisonment, rough kiss, small moments of fluff in between (ur memories are making u cry harder  synopsis : After the war, Touya,  is captured by the government and faces trial for his crimes. His girlfriend  who has stood by him through everything, is left to grapple with the reality of his conviction. As she fights through the cruel media, the judgment of the world, and her own broken heart, she clings to the memories of their time together,  Note: I wanted convicted dabi …i blame pinterest for this …mommaaaaa im in loveeeeee with a criminaaaalllllllll

VIP: @greenmanshoe

w.c: 5.4K

The room was dimly lit, the only light coming from the streetlamp outside the window that cast long shadows across the bed. You lay beside him, your head resting on his chest, listening to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat. It was a comforting sound, strong and reassuring, each beat a promise that he was still here with you, if only for a little while longer. His chest rose and fell in a slow, rhythmic cadence, grounding you in the present moment as you tried to savor every second.

His voice, when he spoke, was low and gravelly, like the distant roll of thunder. It resonated through you, wrapping around you like a protective embrace, carrying a depth of emotion that he rarely allowed himself to show. The scent of him was intoxicating—a mix of smoky wood, like charred cedar, and the sharp tang of his cologne, with an underlying warmth that was distinctly him. It was a scent that clung to the air around you, a constant reminder of his presence, even when he wasn’t there.

Touya’s  arm was draped lazily over your shoulders, his fingers idly tracing circles on your bare skin. The silence between you was heavy, filled with the unspoken tension of what was to come. You knew where he was going, what he was planning to do, and the thought of it made your heart ache.

“Do you really have to go?” you asked, your voice barely above a whisper, afraid that speaking any louder would shatter the fragile peace you’d found in this moment. You wanted to hold onto it, to hold onto him, for as long as you could.

Touya didn’t answer right away. Instead, he tilted his head slightly, gazing down at you with those intense, piercing blue eyes that had first drawn you to him. He was beautiful in a way that was almost dangerous, all sharp edges and raw power, but to you, he was everything.

“You know I will…even if ill rather be here,” he finally replied, his voice low and rough, like gravel beneath your fingertips.

“But you don’t have to,” you insisted, your fingers clutching at his shirt, trying to keep him close. “You know that, right? We can—”

He cut you off, pulling you tighter against his chest, his hand moving to cradle the back of your head. His lips pressed to your forehead, then your cheeks, each kiss soft and lingering, as if he was trying to memorize the feel of you.

“Baby… baby, listen to me,” he murmured, his breath warm against your skin. “Even if I had gone with you to the heavens above, I would have still found a way to rain hell upon that man.” There was a dark, fierce determination in his voice, one that sent a shiver down your spine.

“I Just- …you know how I feel about all of this …its difficult to come to terms with it” 

“I know…and I’m sorry” 

You closed your eyes, trying to savor the feel of him, the sound of his voice, the way his body felt against yours. You wanted to remember everything—his laugh, his smile, the way his hair felt when you ran your fingers through it. The memory of helping him dye his hair black flashed through your mind, and a bittersweet smile tugged at your lips.

You could still remember the way he’d sat on the floor, legs stretched out, while you carefully applied the dye, trying to get every strand just right.

“Careful, babe,” he’d teased, his voice lighter than usual, a rare playful note threading through it. “Don’t want to end up with half my hair still white. Unless that’s your way of saying you like me better that way?”

You’d laughed, shaking your head as you tried to concentrate. “No way. You’d look like a half-done project. We’re going all in, Touya, no shortcuts.”

He’d smirked at that, leaning back a little, his blue eyes twinkling with mischief. “All in, huh? I like the sound of that. But you sure you’re not just looking for an excuse to touch me?”

You’d felt your face heat up at his teasing, and before you could respond, he’d leaned forward, closing the distance between you, his lips hovering just above yours. “Come on, don’t leave me hanging,” he’d murmured, his breath warm against your lips. “A kiss for your man?”

You’d giggled, trying to focus on the task at hand, but he was too close, too tempting. The dye on your fingers was forgotten as you leaned in, brushing your lips against his in a soft, lingering kiss. He’d tasted like mint and something darker, something that was purely him, and you’d melted into him, laughing against his mouth as he wrapped his arms around you, pulling you into his lap.

“I think you’re more dye than human now,” you’d teased, pulling back slightly to see the smudges of black dye on his face and hands.

He’d chuckled, a sound that was rare but so precious to you, and he’d wiped a smudge off your cheek with his thumb. “Well, if that’s the price I have to pay to get you this close, I’ll take it.”

The two of you had spent the rest of the evening in fits of laughter, trying to clean up the mess you’d made, but neither of you really cared. It was one of those moments where the world outside didn’t matter, where it was just you and him, caught up in each other, in the simplicity of being together.

As you lay on his chest, savoring every second of the fleeting peace, you felt the steady rhythm of his heartbeat beneath your cheek. The warmth of his body, the scent of his cologne, the low rumble of his voice—it was all so familiar, so comforting, and yet there was an undercurrent of sadness in every beat, every breath. The reality of what was to come weighed heavily on both of you, a silent tension that neither of you wanted to acknowledge. But the future was inevitable, looming over you like a dark cloud, threatening to tear apart the fragile moment of tranquility you’d created together.

You closed your eyes, letting the memory of your time with him wash over you, holding onto the feeling of his arms wrapped around you, the softness of his lips against your forehead. You wanted to believe that this moment could last forever, that you could somehow hold onto him and keep him safe, but deep down, you knew that was just a dream—a dream that was slipping through your fingers like sand.

As sleep began to take you, your breathing slowed to match his, the rise and fall of your chest syncing with the steady rhythm of his. The world around you started to fade, the edges of your consciousness blurring until there was nothing left but the sound of his heartbeat, growing fainter with each passing second.

And then, just like that, the warmth was gone. The scent of him, the comforting sound of his heartbeat, the soft feel of his skin against yours—all of it vanished, leaving behind a cold, empty void.

Touya blinked, disoriented, as the familiar warmth of the bed was replaced by the harsh, unyielding concrete of a holding cell. The dim light of the streetlamp outside your window was gone, replaced by the cold, fluorescent glare of a single overhead light. The comforting scent of his cologne was replaced by the acrid smell of cigarette smoke and the musty air of confinement.

Touya sat alone in the cell, his back against the wall, the orange jumpsuit stark against his pale and damaged skin. His head was bowed, small strands of black hair to his white falling into his eyes as he took a long drag from the cigarette between his fingers. The smoke curled lazily around him, the faint glow of the cigarette the only warmth in the room.

But even in this cold, lonely place, the memory of you lingered, a small, precious light in the darkness. As he exhaled, the smoke seemed to carry your scent with it, mingling with the stale air of the cell and bringing with it a wave of bittersweet memories. Your laughter, your smile, the way your eyes sparkled when you teased him—all of it flooded his mind, momentarily pushing away the cold reality of where he was. 

He tilted his head back, resting it against the wall as he closed his eyes, letting the memories of you take over. The feel of your fingers in his hair, the sound of your voice as you called his name, the way you’d looked at him with those soft, understanding eyes—it all played out in his mind like a movie, a vivid reminder of what he was fighting for, of why he had to keep going, even when everything else seemed hopeless.

But as much as he wanted to hold onto those memories, the cold reality of his situation refused to be ignored. The cuffs around his wrists dug into his skin, the rough fabric of the jumpsuit chafing against his bruised body. The cigarette burned down to the filter, the last ember glowing faintly before it, too, was extinguished, leaving nothing but a bitter taste in his mouth.

Touya opened his eyes, the weight of his thoughts settling heavily on his shoulders. The oppressive silence of the cell was a stark contrast to the warmth and comfort of the memories that had filled his mind moments before. The harsh fluorescent light above seemed to mock him, a reminder of the distance between the past and his present confinement.

He shifted uncomfortably, the heavy cuffs around his wrists clicking faintly as he adjusted his position. The cold concrete pressed against his back, and the musty air was thick with the lingering scent of cigarettes and old sweat. Each breath he took was a reminder of how far he was from the moments of tenderness and intimacy that had just been vivid in his thoughts.

Touya’s mind drifted back to the way your eyes had softened when you looked at him, the warmth of your laughter that had seemed to fill the room. He could almost feel the softness of your touch, the way your fingers had intertwined with his, and the way your presence had made everything feel just a little bit brighter.

But that brightness was now overshadowed by the grim reality of his situation. He longed to escape the confines of the cell, to feel the warmth of your embrace again, to hear your laughter and feel the gentle pressure of your lips against his. The stark contrast between the memory and the reality was almost unbearable, making the pain of separation feel even sharper.

He took another drag from the cigarette, the smoke swirling around him, mixing with the bitter taste of his own despair. The cigarette burned down to its final embers, and he flicked it away, the small glow disappearing into the darkness of the cell. The emptiness left in its wake seemed to mirror the void he felt inside, a gaping chasm where your presence used to be.

As the distant clamor of footsteps and voices echoed through the corridors, Touya’s mind was pulled back once again to the present. The sound seemed to serve as a cruel reminder of the separation between him and the person who had become his lifeline. The heavy cuffs around his wrists and the rough fabric of the orange jumpsuit were harsh reminders of the distance between the warmth of his memories and his current confinement.

He knew that the days ahead would be tough, that the reality of his situation would not change anytime soon. But in his heart, he carried the memory of you with him, a precious treasure that he clung to in the face of adversity. And though the cell was a harsh and unforgiving place, the thought of seeing you again, of holding you close and feeling your warmth, was a beacon of hope that guided him through the darkness.

Meanwhile, in the car parked just outside the courthouse, you were enveloped in an atmosphere of tense anticipation. The memory of Dabi's warmth clung to you, a bittersweet comfort in the face of the looming confrontation. Shoto's presence beside you was a grounding force, his quiet strength a stark contrast to the chaos that awaited you outside.

The sound of reporters' voices grew louder, mingling with the rhythm of your anxious heartbeat. As you sat there, holding onto the memories of Dabi's embrace, the car's interior seemed to offer a fleeting sanctuary from the storm outside. But the reality of the situation was about to break through the bubble of tranquility you had tried to maintain.

Shoto turned to you, his expression softening with concern. “We don’t have to go in,” he said quietly, his voice gentle yet resolute. “You can stay here. It’s not too late to turn back.”

You shook your head, your voice trembling with determination. “I have to go. I’ve stood by him through everything. Leaving now… it would be like abandoning him when he needs me the most.”

Shoto’s gaze softened, and he nodded in understanding. “I’ll be with you every step of the way. You’re not alone in this.”

With a final, deep breath, you prepared to step out of the car. The echo of your own heartbeat seemed to match the pounding of Dabi's heartbeat you remembered from your last moment together. Shoto’s supportive grip on your hand anchored you, offering a semblance of stability as you faced the reality of the courthouse steps.

You opened the car door, and the swarm of reporters and the harsh reality of what was to come loomed ahead. Their cameras flashed like vultures, and their questions cut through the air with relentless sharpness.

“Is it true you’re in a relationship with Todoroki Touya?” “How does it feel to be in love with a villain?” “Do you think he deserves to go to prison for life?” — “Do you feel any kind of guilt for the people he murdered?” 

You could feel their eyes on you, judging, condemning, trying to tear you down. It took everything in you not to crumble under the weight of their scrutiny. But before you could respond, Shoto was there, pushing them back with a fierce protectiveness that contrasted with his usual calm demeanor.

“Step back,” he ordered, his voice cold and commanding. “Give her some space.”

He placed a reassuring hand on your back, guiding you through the throng of reporters, shielding you from their relentless onslaught as best as he could. Each step you took toward the courthouse felt like a battle against the rising tide of anxiety and doubt, but Shoto’s presence was a constant, calming force.

Inside the courthouse, the atmosphere shifted to a sterile, oppressive silence. The white walls and harsh lighting felt like a stark contrast to the warmth of the memories you held dear. Shoto guided you to your seat, his hand lingering on your back for a moment longer, a silent promise of unwavering support.

You took a deep breath, trying to steady your nerves as you focused on the front of the room. The judge entered, and the proceedings began, each word echoing through the courtroom like a relentless hammer.

The doors at the far end of the courtroom creaked open, and your heart skipped a beat as Touya was led in, shackled and clad in the orange jumpsuit that marked his new reality. His gaze met yours briefly, a fleeting moment of connection that spoke volumes despite the distance.

In that moment, amidst the harsh, unfeeling gaze of the courtroom and the cacophony of legal proceedings, you knew that your love for Touya was unwavering. No matter how harsh the world was or how dark the days became, you would face it all with him, holding onto the memory of the warmth and affection you had shared. And though the future was uncertain and fraught with challenges, your commitment to him remained steadfast, a beacon of hope amidst the shadows.

The courtroom was an unforgiving place, a stark expanse of white walls and cold, clinical decor that seemed to sap the warmth from the room. The air was thick with an almost palpable tension, a pressure that made it difficult to breathe, let alone think. Each tick of the clock on the wall seemed to stretch into eternity, magnifying the anxiety that churned in your chest. You sat in the front row, your gaze fixed on the front of the room, trying to steel yourself for the inevitable. The hardwood benches felt uncomfortably hard beneath you, a physical reminder of the harsh reality you were about to face.

The room's cold precision only served to highlight the gravity of the moment. The judge’s robe rustled as they took their seat, and the rhythmic ticking of the clock on the wall seemed to stretch each second into an eternity. Every detail of the room—the sterile whiteness of the walls, the clinical brightness of the overhead lights, and the stern faces of the people around you—was etched into your mind, magnifying your anxiety. You could hear the distant murmur of conversations, the shuffling of feet, and the occasional clink of metal as the guards adjusted Touya’s restraints. The growing dread in your stomach coiled tighter with each passing second, making it hard to focus on anything but the impending moment of devastation.

When the judge’s voice cut through the room with chilling authority, announcing the sentence of “Life in maximum security,” it felt as if the very ground beneath you had shattered. The finality of the words hit you with brutal force, an unyielding grip of despair that seemed to squeeze the air from your lungs. The courtroom fell into a heavy silence, the verdict hanging in the air like a dark cloud. Dabi’s shoulders sagged under the weight of his sentence, his usually defiant posture giving way to a crushing resignation that you could see from where you sat. His face, once a mask of fierce rebellion, now reflected a profound anguish that mirrored your own.

The guards began to move, preparing to escort him out of the room with mechanical efficiency. Time itself seemed to slow, each tick of the clock stretching into an eternity as the shackles clinked in a cruel metronome, marking the end of your last moments together. The metallic sound echoed through the courtroom, mingling with the murmurs of the crowd and the relentless clicking of cameras. The cold, unfeeling reality of the situation pressed in on you, each second a reminder of the brutal separation that was about to occur.

Driven by an overpowering need to be close to him, you stood up, your legs feeling like lead as you moved forward. The courtroom seemed to blur around you, the faces of the onlookers and the flashes of cameras fading into insignificance. The guards hesitated as you approached, their stern faces softened by a flicker of uncertainty. Touya’s gaze, however, never wavered from yours. There was an unspoken plea in his eyes, a desperate hope that you could somehow alter this cruel fate.

When you finally reached him, Touya’s cuffed hands reached out, trembling slightly as they grasped your waist. The cold metal of the cuffs pressed harshly against your back, a stark reminder of the reality that separated you. He pulled you close, his breath mingling with yours as his lips captured yours in a kiss that was both urgent and desperate. The kiss was a frantic outpouring of all the words and emotions he could no longer express, a silent scream against the cruel fate that had befallen him.

The world around you—the whispers of the courtroom, the flash of cameras, the distant murmur of voices—faded into insignificance. All that mattered was the intense connection between you, the desperate way his lips moved against yours, and the raw need to hold onto this fleeting moment of intimacy. His kiss was a tumultuous mix of longing and regret, his rough lips pressing against yours with a force that was almost bruising. The taste of him—smoke, fire, and something distinctly Dabi—flooded your senses, making your head spin.

You could feel the cold metal of his cuffs digging into your skin, a painful reminder of the distance that now lay between you. His hands trembled as they gripped the sides of your face, the clinking of the cuffs a soft, sorrowful counterpoint to the fevered intensity of the kiss. He pulled you closer, as if he could lose himself in you, merge with you, and escape the harsh reality that had torn you apart. His tongue tangled with yours in a desperate dance, each movement a blend of hunger and heartbreak.

As the guards began to pull him away, Touya’s grip tightened with a fierce, almost desperate intensity. His eyes locked onto yours, burning with a raw, unfiltered emotion that made your heart ache. The distance between you grew, each step he took toward the exit a knife twisting in your heart.

“You deserve better, you know that right?” he whispered against your lips, his voice cracking with the weight of his despair. His words were almost inaudible, but you could hear the deep sorrow and regret in his tone, a desperate cry for help that you could do nothing to answer.

“I love you!” you shouted, your voice breaking as you tried to cling to the last remnants of this moment. The words were a lifeline, a final declaration of the love you both shared. The look of agony on his face as he was torn away from you was almost more than you could bear, the sadness etched into every feature a mirror of your own.

Touya looked back at you, his gaze a mixture of fierce love and unbearable sadness. “I love you too,” he rasped, his voice rough and laden with emotion. 

As the guards dragged him away, his gaze remained fixed on you, a burning intensity in his eyes that spoke of the depth of his feelings. The last thing you saw before the doors closed was the look in his eyes—raw, unfiltered emotion that mirrored your own. The courtroom’s harsh reality settled around you, but all you could focus on was the echo of his voice and the fading warmth of his kiss. You stood there, your lips still tingling from the intensity of his kiss, your heart aching with the depth of your loss.

As the crowd slowly dissipated and the room began to empty, you remained rooted to the spot, tears streaming down your face. The overwhelming silence of the courtroom was a cruel echo of the love you had just lost, a constant reminder of the emptiness left by his absence. Each step you took toward the exit felt like a mile, each breath you took a struggle against the crushing weight of your grief. The world outside seemed distant and surreal, a stark contrast to the emotional storm that raged within you.

Shoto was at your side in an instant, his hand firmly resting on your shoulder as he gently guided you away from the courtroom. The corridor outside was a chaotic swirl of reporters, their questions and flashes of cameras relentless in their pursuit. The cacophony of voices seemed distant, almost surreal, as if you were submerged in a sea of white noise. Your mind was numb, trapped in the echo of Dabi’s final moments, and the world beyond that room felt hollow and unrecognizable.

“Miss, how do you feel about Todoroki Touya’s sentence?”

“Why do you keep avoiding us? — are you standing beside him?”

“Was your relationship with Todoroki Touya really as deep as they say?”

Each question pierced through you like an arrow, the sharp barbs of their curiosity aggravating the raw wound in your heart. The name Todoroki Touya, the name you had clung to in the silence of your love, now felt like a dagger twisting in your chest.

Shoto moved with a protective fierceness, his usually composed demeanor cracking under the strain of the moment. “Back off!” he shouted, his voice cracking with the force of his command. “All of you back off!”

Despite his efforts, the throng of reporters pressed in, their intrusive questions a relentless assault on your already fragile state. The weight of their scrutiny felt suffocating, each question a fresh cut to the wound left by Touya’s departure. Tears welled up in your eyes, blurring your vision and making it hard to breathe through the rising tide of panic and despair.

Shoto’s concern was immediate and palpable. His arm wrapped around your shoulders, guiding you swiftly toward the waiting car. “Come on, let’s get out of here,” he said softly, his voice steady but laced with a deep concern that mirrored the ache in your own heart.

The moment the car door closed behind you, you collapsed into the seat, your chest heaving with the effort to keep your sobs contained. Shoto settled beside you, his hand gently rubbing soothing circles on your back as you succumbed to the overwhelming grief. His touch was a small comfort amid the sea of anguish that threatened to drown you.

“I can’t live without him,” you choked out between sobs, your hands trembling as you pressed them to your chest. “He was everything to me, Shoto… I don’t know how to keep going without him.”

Shoto’s grip tightened, his own heart breaking at the sight of your pain. “I know… I know it hurts,” he murmured, his voice a gentle anchor in the storm of your emotions. “No matter what happens from here on out I would be beside you— I would do whatever it takes to get the both of you together for as long as possible…you just have to bear with this for now” 

The drive home was a blur of muted colors and blurred lights, the world outside the window merging into a haze of despair. You barely registered the movement of the car, your mind still trapped in the courtroom’s crushing weight, replaying every agonizing moment. Touya’s kiss, so fervent and desperate, was a fading echo in your memory, the touch of his lips now a ghostly warmth against your own.

When you finally stepped through the door of your apartment, the silence was overwhelming, a stark contrast to the chaotic noise of the courtroom. The space, once a sanctuary filled with shared moments and laughter, now felt like an empty shell—a hollow reminder of the love that had been so brutally torn away. The walls seemed to close in on you, the emptiness amplifying the ache in your heart.

Shoto stood in the doorway, his expression a mixture of concern and helplessness. “I’m going to stay nearby tonight, alright? You don’t have to go through this alone. I’ll be here when you need me.”

You nodded numbly, your movements mechanical as you made your way toward the bedroom. Shoto’s gaze lingered on you, a silent testament to his worry, but you couldn’t bring yourself to meet his eyes. The weight of your grief was a suffocating cloak, one that you couldn’t bear to share, even with someone as compassionate as Shoto.

Once you were alone, you collapsed onto the bed, the sheets still faintly imbued with the scent of Touya. Clutching the fabric to your chest, you inhaled deeply, seeking solace in the last remnants of his presence. But the comfort was fleeting, a cruel mockery of the warmth that used to fill your life. The harder you tried to hold on, the more those memories slipped through your fingers like grains of sand. His scent, once so potent, was fading, replaced by the cold sterility of your apartment. The feeling of his touch, the warmth of his body beside yours, was now just a distant memory, barely more than a ghost.

As you lay there, staring at the ceiling, a soft memory floated up from the depths of your mind. You remembered a day when Touya had come over for a surprise visit. You had been lounging around the apartment, feeling a little down, when he burst in with a playful grin.

“Guess who’s here?” he’d teased, his voice full of mischief.

You had looked up in surprise, and his grin had widened. “Touya, what are you doing here?”

He had sauntered over, taking your hand and pressing a kiss to your knuckles. “What? I can't drop by my own girls house?...you wound me, sweetheart. How about a kiss to seal the deal?”

You had laughed, shaking your head. “And how is that supposed to help?”

With a dramatic flourish, he leaned in and pressed his lips gently against yours, his kiss light and teasing. “See? Instant mood boost,” he’d said, pulling back with a satisfied smirk.

You had felt a warm flush spread across your cheeks, your heart fluttering at the affection he had showered on you. He had cupped your face in his hands, his eyes twinkling with playful affection. “Still think I’m a bad influence?”

Before you could answer, he had leaned in again, his kiss deeper this time, filled with a tenderness that made you melt. His lips had moved against yours with a sweet, lingering touch, his breath mingling with yours as if he was trying to savor every moment.

As the memory faded, you found yourself reaching up to touch your lips, trying to hold onto whatever was left of him. The warmth of his kiss lingered on your fingertips, a fragile reminder of the love you had shared. You pressed your fingers gently against your lips, whispering into the emptiness of the room, “Don’t let go of me.”

The only response was the echo of your own voice, bouncing back at you in the silence. And as your eyes drifted shut, the last thing you saw was his smile, the one that always made your heart skip a beat. The one that promised, no matter what, he was never truly gone.

Because as long as you remembered him, as long as you held onto the love you shared, he would always be with you—in the softness of his kisses, in the teasing banter, in the echoes of the dark.

The tears came again, relentless and all-consuming. You buried your face in the pillow, muffling your sobs against the softness of the fabric. Every sound, every memory, seemed to dissolve into the void of your grief. His voice, his touch, were slipping away, becoming distant echoes in the vast emptiness of your heart.

“You deserve better, you know that right?,” his words reverberated in your mind, a cruel reminder of the reality you had to face. It felt like a punch to the gut, a cruel twist of the knife.

But how could you move on? How could you erase the only person who had ever made you feel truly alive, who had ignited a fire in your soul that now left you cold and empty? The pain of losing him was more than just heartache; it was an unbearable void, a chasm of loneliness that seemed to swallow everything in its path.

Your fingers fumbled through the closet, seeking some tangible piece of him. You found one of his shirts, the fabric worn and comforting. Pulling it out, you clutched it to your chest, the scent of his cologne a bittersweet reminder of the man you loved. It enveloped you, a ghostly whisper of what once was, mingling with the tears that streaked your face.

“I miss you so much,” you whispered into the darkness, your voice trembling and breaking as you cried. The words were a desperate plea to the empty room, a final declaration of love to a presence that now only existed in memory.

In the oppressive silence that followed, with the weight of the world pressing down on you, you held onto his memory like a lifeline. The ache in your chest was a constant companion, a reminder of the love that had burned so fiercely and was now reduced to ashes.

As you lay there, trying to find some semblance of peace in the quiet of the night, you clung to the fragments of him that lingered in your heart. You hoped that somehow, amidst the crushing despair, you would find a way to navigate this overwhelming pain. But for now, all you could do was hold onto his memory, let it lull you into a fitful sleep, and dream of a world where love didn’t end in sorrow, where time hadn’t been stolen away so cruelly.

Jesus christ this is the longest fic I have ever released so far ...damn ...

[g0niki]

camera's on: take two ── y.jw p.js

camera's on (pt.1) (read me first!!!)

pairing: bf!jungwon x afab!reader x classmate!jay

word count: 2.3k+

content: no protection (don't be like them.), oral (m&f receiving), mxm (no penetration, but more than kissing), exhibitionism, dom!jay, switch!won, sub!reader, jw and reader are no thoughts head empty, creampies, recording. lmk if i missed anything! minors dni.

a/n: i was feeling silly and i didn't proof read🤸. please share your thoughts with me in the comments, reblogs, or my inbox! I also won't be adding more to 'camera's on' (at least as of right now) but i will still write for jaywon and other duos!! going to try and write more about the other members 🤞

jungwon had been standing on the tip of his toes for the whole week, eager for the upcoming friday. 

won bit on the end of his pencil, uninterested in his lecture about the mayan empire and the legacy they left behind. his focus was completely locked in on the analog clock dangling above the exit. the hands ticking and taunting him with every passing second, the pencil sitting in between his teeth being bent up as he bit down harder and harder.

unfortunately, the first tape had been lost but luckily for him, jay was feeling generous enough to allow another session free of charge (as long as he would have a feature). 

he knew you would already be home getting ready, probably letting jay get comfortable and set up while he’s forced to miss out on even the smallest of interactions. 

the thought of you and jay getting started up without him almost being enough to make him leave his lecture early.. yet at the same time he wouldn’t mind.

god, he hopes that’s what the two of you are doing. 

and just before he could get lost in the thought, imagining jay’s name rolling off the tip of your tongue as he rushes down the hall of your shared apartment, his professor is dismissing the class.

【☆】★【☆】

jungwon fumbles with his keys, struggling to get the right one into the keyhole. his bag tugging down on his shoulder as he fumbles with the doorknob, forcing his way into the small apartment.

only to be welcomed by silence. 

he knew you were home, you hadn’t told him about a change of plans. he lets his bag fall onto the floor next to your couch, eyeing the two pairs of shoes next to the entrance, clearly indicating the presence of both you and jay. 

“baby? did you guys set up?” he calls out as he creeps towards the room, the only place you and jay could be.

his stomach turned, anticipating what was going on behind the closed door. he could hear jay’s hushed whispers, the conversation between you too being inaudible. 

jungwon opened the door to the very scene he was wishing for. you were sitting between jay’s legs, your own splayed open as the older boy spread your folds,  the camera pointing directly towards the two of you. 

“good girl, you held in your sounds til jungwon could make it home.” jay used his free hand to push back the sweaty strands of hair off of your face. 

your cheeks were flushed, your face scrunched up as you used all your might to try and not make a single sound. 

“she’s waiting on you won,” jungwon's jaw slightly dropped, admiring the sight of the two of you. your naked forms pressed up against each other and waiting for him.

“you can let it all out now pretty.” the moment you heard your boyfriend’s smooth voice you were throwing your head back against jay’s shoulder, a strained moan leaving your throat as your back slightly arched and you forced your pelvis further into jay’s hand.

jay hadn’t even put his fingers inside of you, only playing with your clit and tracing the outsides of your hole lightly. he wouldn’t go as far as penetrating you in any sort of way without your boyfriend around and he was glad he didn’t. the way you were dripping down onto his fingers and leaving his hand soaked was amusing to him. 

you were so easy to toy with, almost as if you had never been fucked. and that made him want to tease you even more.

“why don’t you come warm up too jungwon?” jay so easily picked you up, moving your body next to him and signaling won to him. “this week looks like it’s been hard to you, hasn’t it?”

jungwon dumbly nodded, walking over to stand in between jay’s open legs. 

“mm, both of you are too dumb to use your words today. maybe if i help you relax a bit you’ll start speaking up, yeah pretty boy?” 

jay’s hands found jungwon’s, the older boy standing up to now tower over him. moving the two of them around and giving jungwon his former place on the edge of the bed. 

you watched in awe as jay tugged down jungwon’s loose sweats. freeing his painfully hard and swollen member, letting it slap against his hoodie. 

won moaned at the feeling, his sensitive tip rubbing against the cotton material and leaving a dab of precum. 

“both of you are so needy, look at this.” jay lightly blew on jungwon’s tip, his cock jumping in response.

“please hyung.” won’s voice was whiney, and you clenched your legs together watching. your boyfriend’s needy response has you pouting, you hated seeing him not get taken care of.

“come on jay, he’s asking nicely.” you crawled up behind your boyfriend, sitting on your knees and placing light kisses and licks along your boyfriend’s neck. 

“oh, so you can speak?” jay laughed lightly, slapping jungwon’s thigh just to get a reaction. “lucky i’m feeling extra nice today.”

before the two of you could even process it, jay is wrapping his lips around jungwon’s cock. his tongue gently tracing the underside of his tip, won’s body shuddering in response.

jay didn’t bother to take any more of jungwon in his mouth, only paying the swollen end any attention. the both of you knew not to ask for more.

jay’s eyes looking up at the both of you. you were doing your best to feel included, marking up every open surface and leaving the prettiest purple marks on jungwon’s neck, but jay could see the subtle pout on your face. he knew you wanted to feel included. 

he slowly pulled off of jungwon’s tip, letting it rest against his bottom lip for a moment. the saliva serving as a gloss for his lips, jungwon’s member getting more excited by the moment, jumping as jungwon let every single groan and moan leave his throat.

“oh my fucking gosh hyung.” jay wasn’t even doing anything at the current moment yet won felt like he was about to spill all over the cameraman’s face. 

“hey pretty, go grab the camera for me.” your eyes immediately lit up at jay’s command, pushing yourself off the mattress and grabbing the device. “now hand it to jungwonnie and get down here with me.” 

won felt like he was going to faint. the image of you sitting on your knees next to jongseong sends his brain into overdrive. the evident size difference between you two, the rough and dark look jay had in comparison to your soft and head-empty appearance giving him whiplash. 

he watched as jay grabbed the back of your head and had you lean closer to jungwon’s stiff cock, forcefully placing you face-to-face with it.

jay places the tip of jungwon’s cock onto your lips, tapping it against the bottom of your mouth a couple of times, the both of them groaning at the sight.  

“i can’t take this anymore.” 

almost as if it were on cue, jay is leaning forward and sandwiching jungwon’s tip between the two of your lips. his tongue coming out to fight with yours and caress the sensitive end all at the same time.

jungwon’s hands gripped the camera. he could’ve sworn he was hearing colors at this point. 

the way you whined against him was driving him insane. the two tongues providing extra stimulation and the whole view being displayed on the camera’s monitor getting him even harder. 

he could see the tears pricking your eyes, how desperate you were to please him and keep up with jay. 

he felt bad looking at his pretty girl lack so much attention, so he did what any good boyfriend would do. 

he pushed his leg closer to your core, watching as you immediately used it to get yourself off. the material of his sweats rubbing against your clit and giving you the extra energy you needed to drool on his cock and start kissing down the base. 

won tangles his hand in the older’s hair, pulling the boy off of him and admiring his lustful eyes and sharp jaw. 

“what won?” he looked uninterested in what jungwon had to say, if it wasn't for the bulge firmly pressing against his pants jungwon would've almost thought he didn't want to be there.

“look at her. she’ll take anything right now.” won gave jay a fake pout, the two of them watching how you licked up and down won’s member, paying special attention to your favorite vein. 

jay quickly grabbed the camera from won’s hands and focused the lens on you. capturing your eyes pinched tightly together as your hips desperately rutted up and down. 

"holy shit..." won’s neck was thrown back, his member shooting out cum and decorating your cheeks and eyelashes. 

the two of them watch as you swipe the fluid off your face and scoop it into your mouth instead, locking eyes with the camera and giggling.

“camera’s going back up, get on the bed.” jay moves towards the tripod, setting up his camera once again, slightly zooming in and only keeping the bed within the frame. “look at you two, so desperate.”

the camera displays both you and won laying on your sides and sloppily making out. won’s hands clutch at your waist, pulling you closer and rubbing his cock against your clit. the repeated nudging of his head making you whine into his mouth and he can’t help but suck up every single noise you make.

jay lets his cock throb at the view, his head dripping beads of precum as he uses his pointer finger to lightly graze the end of his cock. 

“go on jungwonnie~ fuck her already.” 

you pull away for a moment, hands in his hair and admiring his glassy eyes. “I want it so bad, give it to me please~” you slide your hand between the two of your bodies,  lifting your leg and lining up his member with your entrance. 

jungwon’s hips jump forward on instinct. his dick pushing into you and feeling the warmth of your velvety walls, squeezing his eyes shut and rutting into you. the thrust are short, only pulling out maybe an inch or two before slamming his hips back into yours as he eagerly chases his release. 

“please, fuck- fuck i’m going to cum.” he buries his face into your chest, kissing the tops of your breast. his kisses become messier and messier, leaving marks behind as he speeds up the pace of his hips, his pelvis coming into contact with your clit every time he fucks up into you, ticking you closer and closer to your high . “i’m filling you up- fuck…”.

the warm thick liquid coating your inside, sending you over the edge. he pushes this face into your boobs more, biting down on the supple flesh. his teeth sinking in hard enough to have you squirming, possibly drawing a bit of blood. 

the both of you panting in silence for a moment before jay speaks up, startling the both of you. 

“let’s get our final scene, okay?” he gets in the bed behind you, grabbing your smaller frame and sliding you off of won’s sensitive cock. “gonna make you feel real good princess.” 

he lays flat on his back, pulling you on top of him and pressing your back on top of his chest. his dick now aligned with your cunt, the mixture of you and jungwon dripping down onto his thick shaft.

without warning he’s pushing you down onto his length, won’s cum helping ease the stretch.

“so fucking tight, no wonder he cums so quick.”  jay uses his hand to lightly apply pressure on your lower stomach, heightening the feeling of his dick.

won dumbly watches, his mouth slightly hanging open in awe at the sight. 

“won… need more~” you squeak out to him. you were so close to being gone, his pretty girl being so so good for jay. taking him so well and still wanting more. 

no one would ever be able to satisfy you the way he does. fucking jay, yet still needing him. 

and who was he to deny you?

jungwon crawled over and settled himself between the tangled mess of legs.

leaning down so closely to your stuffed cunt and blowing against it. your body jolting at the feeling, making his eyes light up and a light smirk settle on his lips.

“look at that pretty, the way you clench around him is so cute.” your back arches against jay’s chest. the older wrapping his arms around you to hold you still.

looking down you see won lean in and wrap his soft lips around your clit. suckling on it softly, giving you the last bit of pleasure you needed, but he doesn’t stop there. 

his tongue lolling out of his mouth and moving down to circle your cunt, bringing pleasure to both you and jay. 

jay’s thighs shake at the feeling, and jungwon likes that reaction. 

the younger boy moves down even further, taking jay’s balls into his mouth and sucking on them for a moment before pulling them out of his mouth with a pop. won sticks out his tongue and licks jay from his balls up to where he is inside of you. 

sliding his wet muscle into your cunt alongside jongseong’s cock, sliding against the sensitive vein. 

the feeling of won’s nose bumping against your bruised clit making you squirm and scream, tears welling up in your eyes as you babble out nonsensical begs and pleases as you cum. 

 jay adding more to the mess inside you with the final flick of jungwon’s tongue against his thick cock. 

jungwon sits back, watching the two of you grab onto each other and ride out your highs with a satisfied smile on his face.

“that was better than the take we lost.”

“oh yeah about that, i never lost the take.” you and won snapping your necks to look at jay. “what? i couldn’t pass up on another threesome with you two.” 

ᯓ★

@g0niki all rights reserved. do not translate or post my work anywhere without permission.

🏷️: @pansies-garden

[the-ginger-avenger]

My main gripe about how Ted Lasso handled Jamie and James’s relationship in the second and third season is that, in a way, it contradicts Jamie’s arc from the first season. And I LOVE Jamie’s arc from the first season. I love how sweet Jamie became later in the show, but if I have to pick a Jamie, it would be season one Jamie, hands down. Even with him being an egotistical jerk. Even with him pushing back against everyone who tried to help him. Because that progression he had from the beginning to the end of that season was the most heartfelt, emotionally gut-punching arc for me. And then they ruin it.

Because what is Jamie thanking James for in Mom City? For pushing him to be a better player? Even if you ignore Jamie literally saying in the bonfire episode that his mother is the reason he works so hard, the whole point of his arc in season one was that, while he was a good player, he wasn’t as good as he could be BECAUSE HE WAS THE PLAYER HIS FATHER PUSHED HIM TO BE. Listening to his father, making it all about HIM, acting like he was the only good player on the team, was actually holding him back.  And even in the second season, when Jamie talks to Ted about how James keeps pushing him, it’s about the wrong things: how long he plays, how long he sits on the bench, how many times he scores. Every single thing that goes against what Ted was trying to teach Jamie in the first season. So what is he thanking James for? Why did they have Ted go from trying to get Jamie to stop acting the way James wanted him to act, to telling Jamie that a lot of famous people’s dads were “real pieces of work” as if that was the reason they ended up working so hard or became great (can you imagine if, instead of telling Rebecca that she’s not the only one who could see who Rupert actually was, Ted told her that a lot of strong, independent woman had ex-husbands who were “real pieces of work”? It’s infuriatingly dismissive)? And if he’s thanking James for pushing him to be a better player, then he’s thanking James for pushing him to be the player he was in the first season, which they spent at least eight episodes trying to get Jamie to not be that way??

And I honestly don’t think the writers really knew why he was thanking James. You can compare Jamie’s speech in Mom City with Ted’s speech to his mom. Ted clearly lists out what he’s thanking his mother for and what he’s angry with her about. Which works out great because the audience has never met Dottie before. The show only gave bits and pieces about what she was like, or what her relationship with Ted was like, so they had Ted clearly state why so the audience could understand better.

But not Jamie. He doesn’t have to state why he’s angry with his father because the show went to great lengths to show why. Nothing good or redeeming was mentioned about James once in the entire show. That character had maybe a grand total of ten minutes screen time, during which he threw a shoe at his son, screamed at him, got angry when his son wouldn’t let him and his buddies on the pitch, acted like he was going to hit Jamie, and BEAT UP BEARD. So, no, Jamie didn’t have to explain why he was angry. But then he says “thank you” and doesn’t offer any explanation. The show didn’t even give the audience any reason why Jamie should be thanking his dad. Unless, it’s somehow for pushing him. Which again, goes against his arc in the first season, and, in way, makes that whole scene feel like it was put in there solely for Ted’s benefit.

And they could have developed Jamie and James’s relationship more in the third season. Heck, they could have humanized James more, the same why they did with Rupert (who the show actually kept as a villain, who Rebecca let go of her anger towards but was never told to start a relationship with him again. Honestly, the parallels between Rebecca and Jamie’s characters and yet how differently the show handled their arcs makes me go insane but that’s a rant for some other day), but they chose not to which is honestly baffling considering how much screen time Jamie had in the third season. Nothing about his arc should have felt rushed or tossed in at the last minute.

And it’s so opposite from the end of his arc in the first season that it’s like watching two different shows? Because that season one finale? That pass he made at the end of the game? That decision to not listen to his father? That carried so much more weight and so much more character development than that half-baked forgiveness arc.

Because that pass? That was a CHOICE, man. It wasn’t something he did because he was trying to make amends with his teammates. It wasn’t something he did because his current coach was telling him he had to. He passed the ball, he gave up the chance to score the winning goal and the glory that would come from that, even knowing his dad was in the stands, even knowing how angry James would be, because he knew that was the better choice. He knew that made him a better player. (It was also a very strategic move. He knew Zoreaux, and every other player on Richmond, would never even consider that Jamie would pass the ball. You can even see how Zoreaux was fully focused on Jamie. In way, it’s kinda similar to that decoy play Jamie was so against).

And that moment between Jamie and Ted at the end surpasses any other moment they have because it was actually about Jamie, and everything that followed after (except for bringing Jamie back onto the team in season two) felt like it was more for James’s benefit. But that was Ted reaching out to Jamie, giving him that bit of encouragement and praise that his father should have given him. That was Ted, essentially saying “Hey, your dad is wrong. You did a good job." And it’s a very private moment. It’s not in front of cameras or the press or even in front of other players. Ted himself doesn’t even deliver the note. It’s as far from “mind games” as it possibly could be because the season is already over. Richmond has already lost. It’s a “good job, I’m proud of you, now here’s something my son gave me to protect me that I’m now sharing with you”. It’s something short and simple and quiet from someone who is usually very long-winded and convoluted and loud, and it is so much more sincere because of that and you can see how much that impacted Jamie. 

And wouldn’t it have been more impactful, for both Ted’s arc and Jamie’s arc, if Ted hadn’t told Jamie to forgive James? If Ted had been able to heal enough to take a step back and look at the situation without it getting tangled up in his own trauma and guilt over what happened to his dad? Wouldn't it have been deeper for Ted, who later would learn that yeah, his son might end up leaving him but he still has to try, to have actually seen a situation where a son chooses to not reach out to his father? Wouldn't it have been more profound for Jamie to no longer let his actions be dictated by his anger or his feelings towards his father. He's no longer angry, but he's also no longer striving for his father's approval either. He no longer cares if his father thinks he's weak or not  (kind of like how Rebecca stopped letting her anger and hurt over Rupert control how she reacted, and yet didn't have to start a relationship with him? But again, they paralleled each other and yet they took them in completely different directions). They could have had a moment that had the same amount of emotional weight as that scene in the last season, but no. Apparently we should just forget everything that happened in the first season because James was actually doing his son a favor the entire time.

[essaytime]

I think the main thing that absolutely infuriates me about the "Romeo and Juliet were just dumb, horny teens" take is this implication that because they were so young, their relationship had to boil down to them being dramatic and inventing some great romance to moan about, or lust and hormones. As a teenager, it makes me want to tear the speaker apart with my bare hands. Interchangeably with stabbing, maybe.

When you look at the text, you can clearly see that there is some emotional connection between Juliet and Romeo. Their first conversation is literally a sonnet - which already indicates some sort of understanding and mutuality, and it's also beautiful poetry. They are the only characters in the entire play that they are really fully comfortable talking to. The adults are caught up in the feud, Nurse loves Juliet, but cannot understand her (and makes a dirty joke at her expense in Act I, which for a person Juliet's age would be awfully unpleasant), Romeo's friends, though I Iove them, don't get his sensitivity - Mercutio laughing at it and Benvolio worried by it - which Juliet, in turn, appreciates. They speak of each other with respect and admiration, quite unusually in Verona, where all is conflict and even Juliet's own father insults her: look at the sonnet, the balcony scene, Romeo comparing his sweetheart to the sun or a jewel (in contrast to his earlier quotes about Rosaline, which are literally a compilation of clichés stacked on top of one another). Even when Juliet awaits their wedding night, in a speech clearly centered on sexual matters, there is a visible softness and affection with which she treats Romeo ("cut him out in little stars"...). She waits for the night because it's him, not "I want to sleep with someone because I want to sleep with someone". The two genuinely care about each other, and are fond of each other. Of course, we can wonder if this love would last if they were given an opportunity to grow older, but when the play takes place, this love is there, and it's beautiful.

(Off-topic, I'd also like to note that this is an Elizabethan play that takes place in even earlier times, presumably late medieval - early renaissance Italy. They wouldn't live in the modern world where you can date many different people and settle well into your thirties or fourties. The average marriage age for girls in Shakespeare's time was about twenty, in fifteenth century Florence it was eighteen. Both of them were from wealthy families, so they'd likely be expected - even if Juliet's parents did not force her into a marriage with Paris - to marry earlier, for financial and political purposes. There couldn't be a "growing older" like we imagine it. Even their hypothetical different relationships would be early relationships for today's standards)

And it makes my blood boil when the visible genuine bond between these two is reduced to just "dumb kids being horny". The motive behind these words being partly, of course, the high-school-acquired All Required Reading is Nonsense edginess, but also a deeper issue - the inability to comprehend the fact that teenage love is also often real love.

Being capable of having deep and meaningful romantic relationships does not come baked into your birthday cake when you turn eighteen or attached to your first ever bill. Not every single feeling a teenager might harbour is at its core shallow lust and wanting to get laid. Of course, there's lots of cases of shortsighted infatuation where the pair really have nothing in common! I could name at least a few examples I have seen personally. But still, on every street and every corner of the world, and often a few metres from these pointless infatuations, teens fall in love because there's something more to it. Because they find they have a lot in common, because they get along well with each other, because they are able to see the good in the other person - their kindness, their intelligence, their enthusiasm, you name it. "Teens" including the younger teens, from thirteen to fifteen. And this love is a deep emotional bond. Sure, in most cases it will not last until death (and to be honest, relationships not working out is not really a teenage-specific phenomenon and a sign that young love of all is inherently doomed and it has to die so the curse of growing up is fulfilled), but it doesn't make it less of a love when it still remains, and it includes all the things love is about. Young couples go on dates, and have fun. They confide in each other. They support each other through hard times, they show care, they sometimes make sacrifices for their loved one's good. As any person in love does, at any age.

When I fell in love four months ago, I did not fall in love because I wanted to sleep with someone so bad. In fact, I do not want to - not for the next several years. I realise it's something I might want someday, but it's not today; and above all, I'm way too young. If anything, what I want is to kiss someone, or run my fingers through his hair, or read with his head in my lap - but it's not something I'd go out of my way and date a random person to get, come on. I fell in love because he is actually the first boy that reminds me of myself so much, the first I can understand so well. Because I also have a penchant for history and writing, I also tend to use formal and flowery language in very informal situations, I also enjoy people's attention (though I seem to worry more about being a potential inconvenience than he does), I also believe that we should judge people as individuals, because there's too much nuance in one person to make proper statements about large groups - and I find in him so many things that I can relate to, though of course I can't say I know him well enough to speak much for sure. Besides, he's simply a wonderful person, not flawless, of course, but he has a good heart. He is always kind, and well-mannered, and intelligent, and you can laugh with him. I think he would care if something bad happened, no matter if he says that he wouldn't. I think I know him well enough to say this at least. And if he loved me back (a thing I consider unlikely for now, but not entirely impossible), would we stay together forever? Heaven alone knows! Maybe not! It is up to the higher power. But even if we broke up, that wouldn't erase the fact that I loved him, and I would have done a lot for him, and we were able to have meaningful conversations. Just because a love isn't forever, doesn't mean it was never there.

Because - what the "dumb kids" people don't seem to grasp - teenagers are also human beings with a functioning, even if not fully developed, brain, capable of having complex feelings and thoughts just like an adult. Note that Shakespeare's leads, at least Juliet, actually do that - hence the pre-wedding night monologue, the "deny thy father and refuse thy name", her statement (I don't know the English original of that one, to be honest) that she is too soft and loving towards Romeo already, but it's because she has such profound feelings for him she can't even pretend to be strict. It's noticeable that she has some emotional maturity, at least - she shows some critical thinking abilities, she understands the consequences of many actions, she is able to see that the feud is pointless and a name is just a name. She's a teenager, and someone in their teens is also a Homo sapiens specimen, not a being from a different planet. Teens think and feel. It might not be the same reality as the adult one, and they don't deal with emotions with such ease as an adult would, but that doesn't mean they are unable to truly love and care, to enjoy talking to someone and want the best for them, like grown-ups do - as developing an affection for someone that makes you happy is a very human thing, and I can guarantee you a thirteen or fourteen-year-old is a developed enough human being to experience it.

So, to sum it up, if I hear any "Romeo and Juliet were just dumb kids being horny" on my watch, the author of this statement will presumably be mercilessly killed, and then I'll do as Fulvia allegedly did to Cicero and stab something through their tongue, except instead of a hairpin, I'll probably use one of the darts my little brother got for Christmas. They are very sharp. We have several holes in the floor already.

[nonsensical-ramblings]

The Stranger Things OST is something we haven't been paying nearly enough attention to, because I think I've just found something monumental.

We all know these two scenes feature the same music:

But what we haven't been talking about is how the tracks in these four scenes all share the exact same melody-

Or that the tracks from these two scenes sync up perfectly to create an entirely new piece of music

But what if I told you this is only the very tip of the iceberg, because I've been sifting through evidence for quite a while now, and we are far past the point of this all just being a coincidence?

ahem.

Welcome to Soundtrackgate.

(AKA: The wild, wacky world where connections go way, way deeper than you could've possibly imagined, and it all still manages to lead back to byler in the end)

So, just by themselves, those three instances of matching soundtracks creating parallels between different scenes are pretty cool, and worthy of analysis. That's all well and good. But it gets a whole lot more complicated when I tell you that across those three examples, all the songs from those eight scenes I've pointed out match with each other too. The music playing during the J/ancy kiss syncs with the music from the R/ockie scene at the gun shop. The M/ileven kiss has music that syncs with the "It was a seven" scene. R/ockie making sandwiches has music in the background that syncs with the Byler van scene. They're all in the same key, B flat major.

I can prove that I'm not making this up in the form of some amazing mashups between four important OST songs. But before I show you those, let me take a step back and introduce you to the songs individually: Being Different, The First Lie, The First I love You, and Kids.

(I slowed them down so they're all the same speed). And I thought to myself, golly, these all sound pretty similar, they all have a pretty consistent pattern of eight quarter notes that get repeated over and over. (Listen closely, can you hear it?) I sure bet it would sound nice if someone combined them. So. I figured out how to edit audio and I did it myself XD

When I said they synced, I wasn't kidding. When I did my initial little experiment, I was not expecting the songs to, in no uncertain terms, match up perfectly, as if they were all variations of the same track, because the only thing I'd done was change the tempo a little bit between each of them. No splicing, no extra editing, no looping, no nothing. And they sound beautiful together!!! Here are my three favorites:

Putting all four together pushes my limits a bit and it comes out a tad messy, but I love it anyways. It's overwhelmingly clear that these four songs are meant to fit together.

So... what does this mean? The tracks are undeniably connected, and some of the scenes in which they occur are clearly parallels too. I mean, we've been ENDLESSLY analyzing parallels between R/ockie, Byler, and J/ancy, and this discovery lends more credit to the theory that those aren't just coincidences. But especially for major motifs like Kids, there are a lot more scenes where these songs play!! It's not just the few I mentioned at the beginning of the post that are pretty obvious in how they're similar to one another. Haha, but wouldn't it be crazy if ALL the scenes that these songs (and their variations) appear in followed the exact same narrative pattern; a pattern which would just so happen to offer extremely compelling evidence to the fact that Byler has been endgame since season 1?

Ha ha... ha... um.

They do.

All of them.

I'm not fucking joking. Out of the 22 scenes I've been able to track down which feature any of these four songs or variations of them, I've identified a pattern which every single one follows. Some definitely better than others... but it is un-fucking-deniable that this pattern exists and it has to be deliberate, because all of this being a coincidence must be some sort of statistical impossibility with the sheer amount of evidence I've amassed.

The pattern I'm referring to is a collection of four themes:

A misassumption / some form of dishonesty

Love. Often romantic, but sometimes platonic or familial

A subversion of expectations

An atypical relationship between two people

Often in that order.

So basically, we have a collection of scenes throughout all four seasons that are very strongly linked to each other, through both the music that plays during them, and the narrative pattern they follow. And theoretically, if we now know for a fact that each of these scenes follows the same pattern, we can use it to support our interpretations of moments like the van scene or "It was a seven"! (A pattern which, I'll remind you, will fall perfectly in line with Byler endgame)

Okay. So here, we get to the main chunk of the analysis. The hard data. I've gone through every relevant scene and listed how each of them fit the pattern, to prove that it's legit, and to use it to demonstrate how this discovery supports our theories! I've also added whether I think the scene matches well (✅), moderately well (🤔) , or poorly (❌) with the interpretation. (Keep in mind that even the ones that match poorly still relate to the themes in some way!) I sorted everything by motif, then into individual music pieces, then into scenes that feature that music. So scenes that have the same track playing in the background are grouped together.

Obviously, it's pretty long. I did my best to organize it well and make it as concise as possible. But that's why I'm adding a star (⭐️) next to all the scenes that explicitly support the Byler agenda, in case you want to scroll past the rest and only focus on what you came here for!

Without further ado, let's start out with...

The First Lie motif

The dominating melody in these tracks is: D D# D A# C F A# C

Track 1: The First Lie (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3S5-J7BLoIY)

Scene A: Jonathan And Nancy get together (S2E6) This scene matches well! ✅ • Misassumption/Dishonesty: Both of them are denying their feelings for each other • Love: And those feelings are romantic in nature • Subversion of expectations: They discover that their feelings are requited! • Atypical Relationship: Nancy, a popular and conventionally attractive character, ends up with Jonathan, the outcast

Track 2: The First I love You (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y68LnSZ_j3M)

Scene A: Robin and Steve talk in the Bathroom (S4E7) This scene matches well! ✅ • Misassumption/Dishonesty: Steve believes he has a chance with Robin, Robin hasn’t told him the whole truth about her sexuality • Love: Steve has feelings for her, she has feelings for Tammy, the two of them love each other as best friends • Subversion of expectations: Robin wants to kiss girls!!! And Steve is surprised, but wholly accepts her, even as a straight guy in the 80s • Atypical Relationship: Platonic soulmates <3

⭐️ Scene B: El Tells Mike she loves him and says goodbye (S4E8) This scene matches well! ✅ • Misassumption/Dishonesty: Their relationship had been damaged by the fact that Mike lied in order to avoid seeing her / getting into trouble with Hopper • Love: El forgives Mike, says that she loves him, and tries to repair their relationship • Subversion of expectations: El admits to having heard Mike when he said that he loved her, back in episode 6 • Atypical Relationship: It wouldn’t be very atypical for a straight guy to get back with his straight girlfriend after a brief break-up, would it? So maybe this relationship isn't as hetero as it- [gunshots]

Scene C: Joyce and Hopper Kiss (S4E9) This scene matches well! ✅ • Misassumption/Dishonesty: Up until this moment they’ve been dancing around each other since season 1, not quite being honest or upfront about how they feel • Love: But now they finally have their moment and make it official! • Subversion of expectations: We’ve seen it coming for years, sure, but considering where they started, their relationship was an unlikely one • Atypical Relationship: Joyce, the high-strung, divorced, single mom, and Hopper, the troubled, divorced, adoptive dad, certainly make a unique pair together

Kids motif

The dominating melody in these tracks is: G A# F A# G A# F A#, and/or F G F D C A# C A#

Track 1: Kids (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ha2OcL_0gtM)

⭐️ Scene A: The party finishes up their D&D game, “It was a seven” (S1E1) This scene matches well! ✅ • Misassumption/dishonesty: Lucas urges Will to lie to Mike about his roll • Love: Little Will cares about his friendship with Mike too much to lie to him • Subversion of expectations: He’s honest, and admits that he only rolled a seven, even if it means he lost the campaign • Atypical relationship: Oh, you know. :)

Scene B: The kids disguise El so she can go out in public (S1E5) This scene doesn’t match very well ❌ • Misassumption/dishonesty: The kids are disguising El’s true identity so they can bring her to their school • Love: The four of them are beginning to trust one another; the boys trust El to help them find Will, they're bonding as friends • Subversion of expectations: The boys (but Mike specifically) are surprised with the degree of El's glowup • Atypical relationship: Mike thinks El is pretty, even though the rest of the party is still a little apprehensive towards her

Scene C: Mike, Lucas, and El make up after their fight in the previous episode (S1E7) This scene matches moderately well 🤔 • Misassumption/dishonesty: El had been misleading the boys to keep them away from the lab • Love: The friends are all sorry for what they did, and care too much about each other to stay mad • Subversion of expectations: They’re able to reconcile • Atypical relationship: Even after a pretty serious fight, the friends are back together again, stronger than ever

Scene D: The party finally gets to play D&D again at the end of season 1 (S1E8) This scene doesn’t match very well ❌ (But, it’s excusable because the main purpose it serves here is to parallel the first scene from episode 1- matching this narrative pattern is probably a secondary concern) • Misassumption/dishonesty: The campaign is over too soon, the kids feel like it’s not a truthful finale; there are loose ends left to be resolved in the story • Love: The friends are finally back together again, having fun, enjoying each others’ company, healing • Subversion of expectations: Will is able to defeat the monster this time • Atypical relationship: Even after everything they went through, they made it out OK and are still the best of friends

Scene E: Dustin reminds Mike to look for some change before going to the arcade (S2E1) This scene matches well! ✅ • Misassumption/dishonesty: Mike avoids Dustin’s questions of why he’s on an unusual channel on the walkie talkie, and why he hasn’t been looking for quarters to bring to the arcade • Love: Mike is still grieving El • Subversion of expectations: He hadn’t been looking for quarters because he was busy trying to contact her • Atypical relationship: He still feels guilty for having lost her, more so than the rest of his friends. He believes she’s out there, even after a year has passed

Scene F: The kids work together to assemble Cerebro (S3E1) This scene matches well! ✅ • Misassumption/dishonesty: The kids don’t quite believe Dustin is being honest about actually having a girlfriend  • Love: But he does! He actually is in a relationship • Subversion of expectations: Suzie doesn’t answer • Atypical relationship: A nerdy mormon and an agnostic with no collarbone; an unlikely pair!

Track 2: Kids Two (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9PydvdEdGwE)

Scene A: El and Max spy on the boys (S3E3) This scene matches well! ✅ • Misassumption/dishonesty: The girls are secretly spying on the guys • Love: They’re talking about their relationship troubles • Subversion of expectations: They’re doing a terrible job of trying to win El and Max back; putting all the blame on the girls, talking about how they're a "different species", all while eating chips and generally being gross • Atypical relationship: Elmax bonds over having dumb ex-boyfriends, even after their friendship's rocky start in the previous season :3

Scene B: Robin sees Vickie at Warzone (S1E8) This scene matches well! ✅ • Misassumption/dishonesty: Robin thinks she has a chance with Vickie  • Love: She’s about to make a move and talk to her crush… • Subversion of expectations: …but Vickie has a boyfriend. • Atypical relationship: Queerness!! And the fact that Vickie gets distracted by Robin, probably has a bit of a crush on her too, even though she's currently in a relationship

Scene C: Robin & Vickie make sandwiches (S4E9) This scene matches well! ✅ • Misassumption/dishonesty: Robin is initially fairly certain now that she DOESN’T have a chance with Vickie • Love: But unbeknownst to her, they're almost definitely endgame • Subversion of expectations: Vickie admits that she ended things with her boyfriend  • Atypical relationship: Imminent 80s Lesbians!!!!!!!!

Track 3: Teens (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D3JICAZAEBs)

Scene A: Suzie changes Dustin’s Latin grade (S4E1) This scene matches well! ✅ • Misassumption/dishonesty: Suzie and Dustin are cheating his Latin grade by hacking into the school’s computer system  • Love: The two of them are still together :3 • Subversion of expectations: Suzie decides that her relationship with Dustin is worth more than being entirely morally virtuous, so she changes the grade for him • Atypical relationship: The unlikely pair of the mormon and the agnostic strike again!

Track 4: In The Closet (At Rink O Mania) (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lwl-HPNQFLc)

⭐️ Scene A: Mike and Will argue at the roller rink (S4E1) This scene matches well! ✅ • Misassumption/dishonesty: Mike’s upset that Will and El haven’t been honest about the bullying • Love: Will just misses his best friend and is upset that their relationship / communication over the past year has been strained. And he’s in love. • Subversion of expectations: “We’re friends! We’re friends.”(AKA, Mike has been struggling with his feelings just as much as Will has) • Atypical relationship: Queerness!! We can be fairly certain now that they totally feel the same way about each other, even if neither will admit it.  

Scene B: …but also El hides in the closet at the roller rink (S4E1) This scene matches moderately well 🤔 • Misassumption/dishonesty: El had been hiding the fact that she was being bullied • Love: This lie has has driven a wedge even deeper between her and her boyfriend • Subversion of expectations: She decides to go confront Angela • Atypical relationship: El, the humiliated victim, decides to stand up to her bully, Angela, instead of letting her get the final word

Track 5: Home (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BdcV1u6RUh4)

Scene A: Hopper takes El in (S2E3) This scene matches moderately well 🤔 • Misassumption/dishonesty: Hopper wants to give El a place to stay where she can hide from the people looking for her / Hopper discreetly puts away a box labeled “Sarah”, hinting at a more personal reason for taking her in than he lets on • Love: He cares about El like he’d care for his own daughter  • Subversion of expectations: Even though he's a supposedly hardened and lazy police chief, he cares about El enough to go through the effort of fixing up the cabin to give her a place to stay • Atypical relationship: Found family :’)

Scene B: This song also plays during the scene where Robin sees Vickie at Warzone (S4E8) This scene matches well! ✅ • [See Kids Two, scene B]

Track 6: What’s The Internet? (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vqx4idF4ObE)

Scene A: The Hellfire Club and Lucas’ team celebrate their victories (S4E1) This scene matches moderately well 🤔 • Misassumption/dishonesty: The basketball team and the Hellfire club both thought they were screwed • Love: Despite the looming potential for failure, everyone’s having fun and feeling included within their groups, they love their hobbies and their friends • Subversion of expectations: Both teams won their respective games despite the odds! • Atypical relationship: Lucas still hangs in the balance between the two teams, feeling unsure about which of his friend groups he should prioritize

Track 7: [Unreleased song, but the Kids motif is faintly audible towards the end]

⭐️ Scene A: El and Mike argue over Mike not being able to say “I love you” (S4E2) This scene matches well! ✅ • Misassumption/dishonesty: Mike’s refusing to acknowledge that he can’t say the words, he’s lying about how he really feels • Love: Their relationship as boyfriend/girlfriend is finally starting to show cracks, as its fundamental flaws are presented front and center • Subversion of expectations: Their relationship isn’t as perfect as we’d been led to believe • Atypical relationship: They’re on the verge of a breakup, but that's really what's best for the two of them

and finally...

Being Different Motif

The dominating melody in these tracks is: A# D F D A# D D# D, and/or A# D F A# D F A F

Track 1: Being Different (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_o29YLtS_NA)

⭐️ Scene A: Mike and Will talk in the van (S4E8) This scene matches well! ✅ • Misassumption/Dishonesty: Will lies, using El’s name to hide his own feelings • Love: And those feelings are his love for Mike :’( • Subversion of expectations: It’s now overwhelmingly clear that Will is canonically gay and in love with Mike  • Atypical Relationship: Well, it doesn’t sound all that atypical for the sad gay boy to have fallen for his straight best friend (who is obviously straight because he’s in a relationship with a girl), so what if Mike- [gunshots]

Track 2: I Like Presents Too (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=trSjkqM0VT4) (I’m not positive about this one, but I swear I hear similarities between Being Different and this song? Especially between 1:52 - 2:05 in Being Different, and 0:38 - 1:00 in this song)

⭐️Scene A: This song also plays during the scene where El Tells Mike she loves him and says goodbye (S4E8) This scene matches well! ✅ • [See The First I love You, scene B]

Okay. And that's all of them! I hope I've made my point. The fact that every single one of these 11 songs and the 22 scenes they appear in are connected both musically and thematically cannot be a coincidence. And by simply tracing the pattern, it's pretty easy to see that these connections hint at the fact that there's something more that we're not explicitly seeing between Mike, El, and Will's relationships, which has no other explanation besides Byler endgame. Let's review- by applying what we know about the pattern to Byler and M/ileven scenes, we can infer that:

When El kisses Mike at the end of season 3, it isn't meant to be taken at face-value. There's something atypical about their relationship, and it's the fact that despite saying the words, it doesn't change the fact that neither of them are in love with each other, not romantically, even if they think they should be.

When Will tells Mike he rolled a seven and lost the battle in the first episode of season 1, it's more than just Will being a good friend. There's a deeper connection- something atypical compared to Will's relationships with his other friends, because this is Will being in love with Mike before he even understood what those feelings meant.

During their fight at Rink O Mania in season 4, they're not just arguing about Will being dishonest or Mike not staying in touch. There's something deeper under the surface that they're dancing around, unaddressed feelings on both ends, something more atypical than just two friends who drifted apart. At the root of their frustration is the fact that they both believe the other doesn't feel the same.

Mike said it himself- when he and El argue over the fact that he can't say "I love you" to her, this was a fight they can't come back from. Because it's been made clear to them that their relationship isn't romantic anymore, it's atypical in the sense that they realize this whole thing between them has just been a heteronormative charade they were pressured into, rather than something they really wanted or needed.

When Will delivers his veiled love confession in the back of the van in season 4, we're led to believe that this is him ripping off the bandaid, because Mike is supposedly happiest with El and he'll never see Will the way Will sees him. But this interpretation is incorrect, because there's something very very atypical about the way Mike stares longingly into Will's eyes, completely mesmerized, in a way that he's never looked at his own girlfriend despite allegedly being so in love with her. Mike is in love, but there's no denying anymore that the love he feels is for Will, not El.

Of course, none of these interpretations of these scenes are new or anything. But the fact that we now have solid proof that all of them are actually intentionally connected? They all share linked music and follow the same pattern?? That, I think, is revolutionary.

But of course we're not done yet.

Because as lengthy as it is, this isn't a finished analysis. Now, if you've made it this far into my mad and delusional (yet strongly supported by evidence) rantings and ravings, you're probably just as excited about this breakthrough as I am. So if you're thinking about exploring the theory yourself, I have a few suggestions on where to start, because there's a good number of things that I haven't fully looked into yet! Most notably, there are several tracks that sound like they almost fit with the ones I already identified as being part of soundtrackgate, or they have similar vibes, but just aren't similar enough to make it into the list. Some of them I've tried to mix with The First Lie, Kids, etc, but came up empty-handed. There songs are:

Journalistic Instinct

Boys and Girls

Feel Safe

First Kiss

Presumptuous

My BOOBS Hurt

A Kiss

I wouldn't remember me either

Eight Fifteen

Walkin in Hawkins (i really really really hate this song for no justifiable reason please don't make me listen to it any more than I had to this is my one exception)

This Isn't You

Blank Makes You Crazy

Weirdly enough, out of these twelve, there are exactly three tracks from each season. Does that mean anything? No clue. Odd, though.

For all you eightfifteengate truthers, I tried really, really hard to mix the track Eight Fifteen with any of the established songs... but all I got was a pretty resounding muddy mess of a failure. Which sucks, because it sounds like it should work! Unfortunately, I don't think Eight Fifteen is part of soundtrackgate. However! I did notice that it sounds very very similar to the track Presumptuous, which is interesting. Here's the best I got, for what it's worth:

If you want to take another look at these songs and try to prove me wrong, please do!! Maybe there's a pattern within them that I didn't catch. And if you ask, I'll be happy to try my hand at combining any tracks you think would work together!

Other than that, there are a few interesting little details I noticed while perusing the OST. Maybe they mean something, maybe they don't, but I thought they were worth mentioning! Feel free to investigate if any of these pique your interest:

Like I mentioned earlier, Eight Fifteen and Presumptuous both contain the same melody

Blank Makes You Crazy and I Need You to Trust Me are both songs tied to scenes where we see evidence of the stained relationship between Mike and El, and they’re both in the same key; F Major

Not Kids Anymore plays during the Byler rain fight in s3, AND when Dustin and Mike refuse to go to Lucas’ game in s4

As far as I can tell, the song Destroying The Castle only plays one time other than when Will takes a bat to Castle Byers- it also plays in S4E9 when Hopper is about to use himself as bait for the demodogs, but assures Joyce that he’ll be alright 

On The Bus almost definitely does not match with any of the other songs, but I feel like this particular track is important and worth looking into regardless, so I’m mentioning it here.

You’re The Heart does not sound similar, mix well with, or parallel Being Different, let alone ANY of the established soundtrackgate songs. I just don’t hear it, sorry.

Eulogy and Letter to Willy sound very very similar

Journalistic Instinct and Boys and Girls sound very very similar

Still Pretty, the song that plays in season 1 when Mike reassures El that she looks pretty without the wig, also plays in season 4 while they talk in the pizza shop, right before they get interrupted by Argyle.

Okay. I think that covers it, for now. Thank you so much for reading, seriously, I poured my soul into this so it means a lot!!! I hope it all made enough sense. MASSIVE shoutout to what-song.com for its list of all the songs that appear in each ST episode, in order, complete with listing what minute each song appears in, providing a 30-second sample of each song, and a description of the scene that occurs during it. It SAVED MY LIFE no joke. Also big shoutout to bilibili.tv, my platform of choice for sailing the seven seas of content of questionable legality; I used it liberally to pull up all the scenes I had to analyze lol

[what-gs-watching]

“Everything you do, you’re doing for someone you care about.”

Fun fact, kiddos - it’s now been just over a year since I was fired and that is absolutely wild to me. It doesn’t feel like that long, and it feels infinitely longer. I honestly wasn’t sure I was going to get through it for a while there, but I’m pretty thankful for where I ended up. It turns out, workplace trauma is a real thing even if I feel stupid saying it, and it’s weird and thrilling to finally be in a situation where I feel seen and supported. 

And I have to say, I appreciate that I’ve had this little corner to rage through all of those inconvenient and gross and upsetting feelings, while content has kept my spirits up (or appropriately down). The internet can be a wonderful place. 

And so is this season of Only Murders In the Building. It can be hard for a show to maintain quality the longer it goes on sometimes, but honestly OMITB is only getting BETTER. My sister was texting to say this might be the best season yet, and she might be right. 

DISCUSS.

Episode 2: Gates of Heaven

GANG. Steve Martin is fucking incredible. This episode was soooo good. After discovering Sazz’s remains in the incinerator, Charles is still covered in her ashes and it’s heartbreaking to see him shaking and panicking about trying to wash ‘her’ off - the entire scene of him in the bathroom trying to wash it into a bowl so he can pour the water into a mason jar and let it evaporate - jesus. It was ridiculous but like, how else do you react to that? I can’t imagine. 

And then the crew has to figure out what to do, deciding to capitalize on having some time before the police arrive, because NYC’s 911 line has an incredibly long wait.

So Charles and Mabel go to investigate the tenants of the Arconia’s west tower, who apparently are all lowly renters (GASP! The horror) since they’re convinced the shot must have come from across the courtyard. They insist that Charles stay in his apartment, he was clearly the target, and so he waits and he frets and he’s on hold and of course he’s seeing visions of Sazz. Just like Mabel had with Tim Kono. But it’s more devastating, more satisfying this time, because we’d seen some of their friendship and I love that they delve into it even further. 

Having Sazz do the voiceover on this episode really was perfection. 

And how good was the surprise visitor Charles gets while he’s hiding out in the apartment? It makes me think that Sazz’s killer got in to drag her body to the incinerator through the tunnels. “A mix of parkour and psychosexual manipulation” is up there on the list of best quotes of the series, for sure.

Meanwhile, the Westies are WEIRD and Mabel and Oliver end up playing a card game with them called “Oh Hell” which the internet tells me is actually a real thing and apparently they also hang a pig leg in the bathroom that they chop at with a knife? It’s all very suspicious.

But the most important part of the episode is when Charles describes working with Sazz, how he’d do his scene up until the most dangerous part and they’d yell “CUT” and Sazz would say “tap in” and finish the stunt. She took every single hit for him.

Also, the scene where Charles describes Sazz helping him make friends on the set of Brazzos? Jesus. “You took care of me in every way a person could take care of someone.” My heart, y’all. 

Eventually, once the police have come and gone (I love that Detective Williams shows up and is exasperated with them as always - “shut the fuckin’ fuck up”) they luminol the floor and discover that with her last bit of strength, Sazz scrawled “tap in”. She absolutely knew what was going to happen. How effing devastating.

Episode 3: Two For the Road

Obviously I’m going to say I loved this episode because of my frankly unhealthy love of Zach Galifaniakis. I can’t stop, I won’t stop - detective Williams and I have that in common. She shows up at the beginning to feed the gang information since the FBI has taken over the case, and when she sees Zach walk into the apartment she loses her mind, and I’ve never felt so seen - “scrumptious fuckable baklava” indeed. 

Of course Mabel is upset their movie doppelgangers have shown up by Oliver is over the moon, he wants to convince Zach to get into his character, so they decide to split up with their actors to investigate.

Y’all, Eva Longoria is obnoxious immediately. Like, absolutely the worst. Talking about “her Mabel”. But I just finished rewatching Schitt’s Creek so I really enjoyed Eugene Levy being SO into Charles. It’s adorable. He’s convinced Charles is some deep, fearless savant. 

Eugene and Charles trying to get the Westie with the eye patch to remove it because they are wanting to see if he has a bruise from a potential gun kickback, is pure awkward comedy gold. They’re “yes and”-ing each other. Hilarious.

Eva and Mabel end up at Christmas-all-the-time guy’s apartment and Kumail Nanjiani plays it really well. Kid really is fit. And Eva is still the worst, but I love that it turns out that he actually hates Christmas, but keeps up the charade because his most successful fitness video was Christmas-themed and he’s now he’s trapped because social media is a fucking disease (she says, writing a blog entry she’ll post to complete strangers).

OBVIOUSLY though,  my favorite part of the entire thing though is the fucking montage of Zach and Oliver learning Oliver’s character. Zach playing the flute and their matching shoes  and their creepy ass smiles and running with shopping bags and the little kick at the end. Holy hell, he’s beautiful. 

But he’s also a dick, he pretends he’s invested in Oliver only to talk shit behind his back. He’d told his agent he wanted to play deep, psychosexual dramatic characters and he thinks Oliver is just a pure fluffy narcissist. Howard’s speech in defense of him is sweet and also depressing as hell but it turns Zach around, at least. “You’re this technicolor cockroach refuses to die. I HATE you, but I love you.” 

Funnily enough, at the end of the day, Eugene realizes Charles isn’t complex, he’s just a chicken shit. How the turn tables. 

They do end up with some clues though - a picture of the Westies with one person’s faced scratched out, the ‘tinsel’ they found in the sniper’s nest isn’t tinsel at all, and after Mabel decides she’s going to squat in the empty apartment/crime scene in the West Tower, they get a warning from a stranger on the ham radio they’d stolen and monitored. Shit’s coming together…

Episode 4: The Stunt Man

I think y’all know what my favorite part of this episode was, but we’ll get there in a second because right away we’re back to Charles seeing visions of Sazz. This time he’s dreaming she’s wandering through a forest and he’s trying to catch up with her. I really appreciate that he isn’t discounting what he’s going through, he immediately gets up and sets to work creating a murder board especially for her, and he includes what he says to her in the dream, she’s trying to get to “paradise”. Charles does not seem like the type to lean into his mind running away like this, but he’s doing it for her. 

It’s the emotional stakes that are making this season so satisfying, for sure. 

While Charles is doing that, we find out that Oliver is down a social media rabbit hole because he’s worried about his relationship with Loretta and he found a picture of her posted with a mystery dude hugging her so he does what any insane teen would do, and he creates a finsta. Which is hilarious. And even more hilarious because he’s doing his internet stalking on the world’s largest ipad. The back and forth about his brightness setting was absolutely hilarious. 

But social media leads them to a bar Sazz had been at the day she died, and here is where we get to my favorite part. It’s a stunt man bar because that’s totally a thing, and who do they stumble upon while trying and failing to get any information? Ben Glenroy’s stunt double!!!!!!

AKA, Paul Rudd with a weird Irish accent and a missing tooth. Fucking amazing. What an incredible way to utilize him. I just can’t. His attempts at impressing them with his stunt double moves is so ridiculously silly. What a charming little weirdo. 

Turns out Sazz was there to see a chiropractor because she was in consistent pain from all her years as Charles’ double, she’d told the doctor that she was retiring because of a relationship she was in - she said she was tired of giving more than she got, but she didn’t know how to get away. Obviously, Charles thinks she was talking about him but could that be a red herring, y’all? 

Charles’s guilt drives him to ‘tap in’, and he volunteers to lay in state for Sazz’s funeral at the stunt man bar because they said “no body, no funeral”, and it’s really sweet. He gets pelted with breakaway bottles and the entire affair devolves into a brawl because Ben Glenroy’s double somehow ended up with a real bottle and while Charles is passed out from the blow, he remembers that that Sazz had a life dream to open a trampoline park for kids so she could teach them how to fall. 

Oh, and Mabel discovers that the Westies are probably not a cult, and are just participating in a rent-control scheme - Professor Dudenoff had rented all of the apartments on the floor, and he lets them sublet from them because they are just straight up weirdos. He sends them ham and they pay him $200 a month (???! holy shit), and they tell Mabel all of this because they’re gonna cut her in, as long as she keeps it out of the podcast - she’s the right kind of weirdo for them, apparently. 

So I guess that makes sense, but there’s got to be other shit going on, right? There has to be. And clearly there is, because when the gang heads out to the site of Sazz’s never-built trampoline park, they stumble upon the producer of their movie, who immediately proceeds to point a GUN at them. What the eff? 

Here’s my thing about shows like this: I never really want to try and figure out what’s going on. The ride is the best part. And so far, OMITB is delivering like only it can. What a gift.

[paleio]

dude.... DUDE...... DUDE

OKAY OKAY OKAY OKAY OKAY

FIRST WATCH HIGHLIGHTS/GENERAL EMOTIONS

> the attic looks IDENTICAL to how i imagined it in my head. i literally screamed and punched the arm of my chair

> every single thing percy says to the oracle. the halloween decoration line made me go hee hee.... that is my boy :)

> OH AND THE VOICE CRACK...... IM GONNA THROW UP HES SO PRECIOUS TO ME

> love love love the way they split the prophecy into 2 scenes. fucking cinema

> annabeth trying to hide her excitement when percy immediately picks her. the quiet pride in her eyes. this twelve year old girl really does think shes THE shit

> GROVER TALKING TO..... BLACKJACK???? I KNOW NOT EVERY SINGLE BLACK PEGASUS HAS TO BE BLACKJACK BUT LIKE. WHYD THEY MAKE THE HORSE SPECIFICALLY BLACK WHEN THERE ARE SO MANY COLORS A HORSE CAN BE. YA KNOW

> grover not believing percy actually chose him and then how much it affects him when he realizes its not a joke... oh boy... i will be making multiple posts exclusively about my beloved g man. aryan you CANT be doing this to me you are irreversibly altering my brain chemistry

> "that's bees" GROVER!!!!!! 💖💘💖💖💕💕💖💘💘💖💕

> different monsters being able to smell different aspects of a person FUCK THATS GENIUS. THATS GONNA BE RELEVANT FOR THE REST OF THE GODDAMN SERIES. i wonder if it will connect to the fatal flaws thing..... i wouldn't be surprised but i would be delighted

> consensus song 🥺🥺🥺🥺 and... like.... the way all of them interact with each other. the way you can see their entire personalities, the way they were raised, their weaknesses, just in the way they talk as a trio. im really emotional thinking about

> every second of annabeth in the gas station. you know what im talking about. yeah. fuck you and your evil mean fucked up foreshadowing mr richard riordan and jonathan e steinberg

> the babygirls!!!!!! (furies) (im so faceblind i cant figure out which is which

> the second she started talking to annabeth i fucking CLOCKED IT. i was like OHHHH.... this is a SHOW. these are EPISODES. they have contained ideas and conflicts. there are episodic arcs WITHIN the seasonal arcs WITHIN the series-long arcs. goddamn it now i have to personally kiss every writer and producer and director on the mouth

> im in love with the trio dynamic because it fucking sucks. there weren't many communication issues or interpersonal conflicts between any of them in the book. even percy and annabeth got along for the most part, despite the awkwardness and bickering. here, though, annabeth is bossy as FUCK. she's acting like this is her quest. percy is whiny and impatient and he deflects every time he's questioned. grover is an ineffective mediator and is clearly uncomfortable being around both of them at once. the vibe feels so beautifully off the whole time and it makes the eventual reconciliation SO much more impactful and compelling

> medusa hot. awooga and all that.

> i like that they all realized immediately who aunty em was. im sad they abandoned the pseudonym so quickly but it makes sense that they'd understand seeing as they all know a good amount of mythology. i think it would've been a scream-at-your-tv moment otherwise

> this is exhausting why am i doing this on my phone

> the plan they came up with is fantastic. i audibly gasped. once when the hat came out and once when i realized they were gonna kill alecto with the head. SMART AS FUCK even though it's not quite a perseus reference anymore

> grover crying over uncle ferdinand.... i can't decide if im sad they didn't make it a funny moment because it's so iconic in the book, or if im glad they played it straight because it gave us a SAD GROVER MOMENT AND ALSO FORESHADOWING. not that i like seeing grover sad... i just like seeing him. i like to look at his haunted eyes and go damn boy... you are one sad boy. good luck with your feelings of inadequacy and trauma repression <3

> writing this is draining my sanity. cmon almost done

> HE SAID THE LINE HE SAID THE LINE HE SAID THE LINE!!!!!!! i am impertinent. top 5 percy jackson quotes of all time. i feel sick just thinking about the other 4 in that list.... im not gonna survive

> cue drive from tlt musical as they leave aunty em's

> oh hey thats lin manuel miranda. im sure he wont be crucial to the overarching plot of the series

> i will be honest the vibe IS kinda perfect. he does look like an emotionally immature divorced dad who complains about his job all the time but constantly works overtime for no reason. its just that he also looks like lin manuel miranda

> love the song choice for the credits

> i will talk about the ep4 preview in a different post im too tired

FINAL (very sleepy) THOUGHTS:

best one yet by far. the more screen time our trio gets the better. grover is a dork and id die for him. its so cool that we get to see the story and characters from a slightly more omniscient perspective, even though i do miss percy's narration. i cant fucking believe this show is real and that they made it just for me

I AM IMPERTINENT!!!! AND IM ALSO GOING TO BED!!!!!!

[lurkingshan]

Be My Favorite 3&4

I fell behind on this show while traveling, but everyone is saying it keeps getting better, so time to catch up!

Episode 3

A sticking point for me in this narrative is I still don’t get why Pisaeng liked Kawi in the first place. Original Kawi was very uncharming. I can buy Pisaeng starting to fall for him now that he is getting to know him and Kawi is opening up, but before? We haven’t really seen anything that explains that initial attraction for Pisaeng, and it’s a pretty important story point since so much of the plot hinges on it. Maybe we’ll get a flashback inside the flashback at some point?

Pisaeng got very aggressive with this kiss in the present day. You can see why Kawi would freak even if homophobia wasn’t a factor. Still, it’s quite a choice to have Krist of all actors play his revulsion after being kissed by a man, complete with his patented mouth wipe. As I discussed with @ginnymoonbeam @bengiyo and @kyr-kun-chan, either they’re intentionally leaning into Krist’s reputation or they’re a bit tone deaf here.

I like it when the show engages more with the time travel conceit and how hard it would be to puzzle out. Kawi not being able to figure out what he should do to change the future is so real.

I like Max, Kawi needs someone in his life who won’t let him get away with shit.

Poor Pisaeng. He has no idea what his future self did but he’s the one being punished for it.

Pear is a nice person and Pisaeng needs to tell her he doesn’t like her. It’s sad to imagine he just went along with it in the original timeline.

Not sucks. Kawi is wrong, they do not need to talk it out. Pisaeng should just be done with this guy.

Ugh, Kawi, that was mean. I really feel for Pisaeng. He didn’t do anything in this timeline and it’d be hard to read Kawi’s actions as anything other than him picking up on Pisaeng’s feelings and rejecting him preemptively.

Instead of winning small lottery prizes, Kawi should be investing in stock. Think smart!

Episode 4

I love this conversation between Max and Kawi. I’m glad Max named his fear about why their friendship fizzled and Kawi cleared it up and apologized. Max is my fav and I’m starting to respect Kawi a lot more.

This friend group kind of sucks, actually. Kawi should get more friends but maybe not these guys.

Pear is a nice person. She clearly only sees Kawi as a friend but I love that she looks out for him.

I just think we should get the chance to all line up and kick Not in the shin. Perhaps Pear doesn’t like you because you’re a nasty bully, has that occurred to you, sir??

These bullies clearly do not have his best interests at heart but it’s good for Kawi to get this confession over with. Time to be rejected and start moving on.

They are actually listening to him confess? I hate these dudes, get ‘em Pisaeng.

This was a great scene between Kawi and Pear. Kawi was straightforward and sincere, and Pear was honest and kind. I, too, would immediately start stress eating chips after being rejected.

KAWI! These dudes are not your friends. Why are you telling them personal stuff and giving them ammunition to mock you? I’m shaking my head with Pisaeng.

Pisaeng does need to get ahold of himself a little. He and Kawi only recently became friends and have no romantic relationship at all so the jealous bf stuff is a bit much. And Kawi is free to flirt with whoever he wants; this all feels a little unnecessarily slut shamey.

Aw yeah call him out, Kawi!! Pisaeng definitely has a bit of that toxic Nice Guy thing going on. He should let Pear off the hook, already.

Very interesting how long Kawi lets this hovering go on before he stops Pisaeng from kissing him.

Credit to Pisaeng for realizing Kawi is right and immediately acting on it. Pear took it like a champ. Is this the first drama I’ve seen where every single person who got rejected already knew it was coming and reacted calmly and maturely?

“Maybe you should start thinking more.” That’s it, I’m officially starting the Pearmai fan club. Who wants to be treasurer?

This episode really said:

You love her

But she loves him

And he loves somebody else

You just can't win

I’m in agreement with @respectthepetty and everyone else I’ve seen discussing the show - it really is getting stronger as it goes and I’m going to be very upset if it goes downhill. It’s being a lot more respectful of the characters than I expected, and there’s a real emotional intelligence underlying the relationship development (Jittirain, is that really you??). I’m officially invested and praying it doesn’t go off the rails.

[lyriumheart]

ok i finally have the braincells so here's some of my criticisms/pointing out of .... questionable content in bg3 that i've personally come across. it may get a bit long. apologies for if it's difficult to read, i'm just trying to lay out my thoughts here. some things are also more serious than others.

The Dark Urge this one is relatively small, as playing the dialogue for the dark urge kind of hints at it, but i do think that it needs a MUCH clearer indication that it can be dark and probably disturbing/distressing to play as. and also that it should probably not be reccomended for a first run, as it does change things quite a bit.

sexuality and romance choice i think it would just be helpful if, when a party member hits on you or shows interest, that you are able to say 'i'm not into girls/guys/anything at all'. and that this specifically shuts down their comments. i have a friend that was disappointed that he couldn't say this to lae'zel, and got further uncomfortable when she kept on saying 'you will wonder what i taste like' when he's a gay guy trying to play a gay guy. it would also be uncomfortable for someone not interested in that aspect of the game/romance and sex in general, i would imagine. also related to this, and i do understand why every single romanceable character is bisexual as this just makes things a lot easier, but i do feel that there should be characters that just are not bi, even just among npcs. there's some npcs in same gendered relationships which is good, though i think there needed to just be more characters that clearly are not bi. (though given the dragon age modding scene's track record, i also get just wanting to avoid that outright.)

trangender characters you the player character can be trans and i love this. i do wish there was a way to have the more feminine frames with a flatter chest, and vice versa, though. i mean we have genital options, but no chest options...? (also no weight or further body shape options but i digress). i also think i noted maybe, two? npcs? that were transgender? and i feel that there really needs to be more trans and nonbinary npcs, specifically prominent ones and not relegated to background characters that you blink and miss (which one of the ones i found was). bg3 has given me as a player far more options to play a trans nonbinary character than any game ive played thus far, but there needs to be more beyond just the player themself in terms of trans rep.

party member racism as a romani person myself, i found myself relating to the tiefling group quite a lot. i dont expect larian to not include fantasy racism in the game, but playing as a tiefling and having a party member, lae'zel, call you and your kind 'cockroaches' with no way to chew her out for it, and just having no proper way to direclty combat the racism of your party members in general is. very uncomfortable. astarion also has some lines like this, and while he does eventually change his attitude, i havent been able to change or confront that with lae'zel. not good for someone youre meant to adventure with and trust.

the goblins and treatment of the way that the goblins are depicted and treated (while not wholly larian's fault since they didn't make the setting- still not an excuse tho) could have been handled better. there are a few instances where you can stand up for them as being people without condoning their actions, but overall they are treated as 'dirty uncivilised tribals' and i hope i dont need to explain why that kind of depiction is bad. they're background cronies of the bbeg, explicitly revealed to having been manipulated and controlled into serving the bbeg, and any exploration of actual goblin culture is treated as a joke.

murdering goblin kids specifically is okay apparently on the topic of the goblins- i was appaled when i realised that in order to free halsin, you have to kill two goblin kids. in fact, if you choose to attack the whole goblin camp, you kill more goblin kids. nobody bats an eye at this. yet, when you do the reverse and attack the grove where there are children that you can kill/cause the death of, this is explicity treated as a bad thing. it's just disgusting that goblin children being killed is not given the same treatment, just because they're goblins.

ableist abuse is fine when the person was abusive to you first in the underdark in act 1 (and later in act 3 if you helped them), there is a dwarven? couple, baelen and derryth bonecloak. baelen has gone missing, and you can find and rescue him. he clearly has some kind of neurological disability, and has difficulty with verbal communication and his memory. his wife, derryth, berates him and treats him as stupid for his disability. you can confront her about it in act 1, and later in act 3 go snooping and find out more information about their relationship- baelen, prior to whatever caused his disability, was an abusive and evil man who beat her and gave her the facial scar she has, among other abuses. of course this abuse is horrific, but this is then used to justify derryth's own abuse of the man, since he now is reliant on her for food ect. she basically says that she can treat a disabled man however she wants because at least she cares for his needs and he abused her anyways so it's payback. i do believe that his disability does not override or excuse what he did in the past and that she has every reason to still hate him, but this still does NOT excuse this treatment of him now that he is disabled and relies on her as a caregiver. becoming disabled is not a fucking punishment and it's disgusting that larian even chose to include this kind of thing in their game at ALL. it's also worsened by the fact that i see many people commenting on how they're going to just kill him because he deserves it, and it's 'doing him a favour since he's disabled now'. this is the kind of sentiment that larian are encouraging by having this narrative in their game and as a disabled person myself, and someone who has family and friends who literally act the way baelen does with his disability, it is not fucking okay.

twin drow sex workers i hope i don't need to explain why it's fucking gross and creepy that larian have two sex workers in act 3 be twins that regularly participate in sex with the same client at the same time, and the player is also able to do so. some party members, such as karlach, comment on how them being literally brother and sister is gross, so it's not as if larian are not self aware enough to see why it's not good to fetishise incest. but they put it in there anyways! for the player to indulge in! and it's depicted as sexy! being a survivor of incest csa, i was pretty shocked and appaled by that inclusion. they could have very easily just had the two be runaway lovers. there was literally no need for them to be made twins.

sexual slavery and abuse is sexy when it's halsin if you do actually sleep with the aforementioned drow along with halsin, he will have a new dialogue where he talks about being held prisoner in the underdark 'chained to the bed, somewhere between a prisoner, a guest, and a consort'. so, he was kept as a sex slave and just slave and captive in general by drow for a while. the player can say that's horrible, but halsin brushes this off and says it wasn't so bad. because apparently he liked being kept as a sex slave? this is just brainwashing and coercive rape, larian. considering how they handled astarion's sexual abuse and slavery, it was outright shocking to learn that halsin's own abuse is handled so poorly and in fact turned into some weird bdsm fetish instead.

[wetcatspellcaster]

astarion 5th because of act 2? did you not like his act 3 stuff?

(also whats the deal with spike because ive seen other people really like him)

Ahhh, no, my top 5 wasn't in a chronological order! I meant it in an affectionate, not derogatory sense - as in, Act 2 content was what made him enter the Top 5. This is probably an overshare, but tbh the way I walked into my therapist's office two days after the hug scene being like "not only is my favourite character I thought was masking confirmed To Be Masking, he's developed feelings and he's also having asexual spectrum anxiety and asked for a relationship without sex" and my therapist made a very serious face and said "written specifically for you, then?" (I know this is not the case, but it's a fun anecdote for why Act 2 Astarion was my very own brand of heroine.)

I love Astarion's Act 3 stuff as well, which you'd hope would be the case as Larian clearly put a lot of effort into it! I don't enjoy playing Act 3 bc of the overwhelm, but I thought they handled the Themes and Motifs in that personal quest very well.

Also. Dying. What's the deal with Spike? A question many people have asked, in their time.

Spike is a vampire on Buffy the Vampire Slayer who, through popularity with the audience/viewership, went from a Season 2 antagonist (kind of like, the nicest of three evil vampires, who ended up switching sides in the final episode for selfish reasons - he wanted his hot toxic girlfriend back) to a season regular and love interest because He Was Just That Popular. He murdered vampire slayers as a hobby, and then fell in love with a vampire slayer over the course of like 4 seasons.

As a result, he has (what I think to be) an incredibly compelling redemption arc that basically hits every possible trope imaginable: fated mortal enemies (and it's kinda hot, don't you think?), token evil teammate, uneasy ally, forced-to-be-good-but-doesn't-want-to-be, enemies-to-lovers, belligerent sexual tension, oh no I've caught feelings, "I'll do anything for you", "I want to be good for you but I don't know how", "every night I save you", "I'm the only one who understands your darkness", hate sex - like honestly, just the hottest sex of the entire show, "you can't fix me but I can make you worse", "oh no making you worse didn't work I now want to fix myself", redemption arc for real this time - all through his own agency, enemies-to-friends, friends-to-lovers, platonic bedsharing, love confession, heroic sacrifice-

(I am literally not making this up these are all hit, they even have a Sex Pollen episode only it's "we think we're married bc of a spell and so we're making out on the couch" like I feel like Spike got every single fanfiction trope under the sun)

Generally, Spike is also just a sarcastic platinum blonde haired vampire man with a British accent who gets most of the funniest lines in the show and also has a pathetic meow meow backstory underneath his bad boy exterior, so I think there's a lot of ingredients that contribute to his overall deal tbh.

[rigelmejo]

7/9/2024 random notes:

I should look up sometime why Sherlock is 福尔摩斯 in chinese. Also, for the sherlock fans: the Granada Holmes show is on youtube with chinese subs if you search "fuermosi"

Listening to so much chinese this past month paid off!!! I listened to MoDu audio drama episode 1 yesterday and understood almost every single line! I was only missing some details when Tao Ran mentioned he won't bend (wan) and said "but if" and luo wenzhou told him to shut up, and when Luo Wenzhou talks to Wang Honglian and they use words like manage/supervise him but i am not sure which words meant which in regard to that "monitoring wang honglian" bit, and when Xiao Haiyang talked I just got his "strangled victim and moved" but for some reason i just couldnt understand him talking as easily as Wang Honglian, Luo Wenzhou, and Tao Ran. That's the most I've ever followed something thats only audio! I think I can officially listen to the modu audio drama just for like entertainment.

I've been relistening to modu chapters 1-5 audiobook a few more times, and more details get clearer to me (and i remember more words i used to know in reading) each time. Phrases are easier for me to comprehend immediately as i hear them, as i relisten. I'm now listening to new chapters (chapters 6 onward) and its fairly easy for me to follow the main idea - i know what scene im listening to and can tell what actions people do and their dialogue, its just more descriptive words (that arent the common serious/simple/clearly words) and phrases (like 4 hanzi non-verb descriptives) that I'm not understanding. I'm so excited. I'm looking up a word every few minutes (like saobao 骚包 show off) when I hear a word I don't know that I'm curious about. I'm really excited! I just!! I love this novel!! It's so cool hearing it kind of voice acted, you know what I mean? It's cool to hear scenes I imagined. I am wondering what the action scenes, or all the creepy scenes in case 2 arw going to sound like. One of my favorite scenes is when the killer little girl is being interrogated by Tao Ran and Fei Du and she thinks of people as prey, and Fei Du is paralleled to her and better at figuring out how to get answers. Its such an unsettling scene.

I'm through 1638 sentences in glossika japanese, its still listing that as high A1. I guess it hasnt taught many individual words compared to the 1638 sentences. I hope the unique words increase in number eventually. Maybe im getting good grammar practice who knows. I am mulling over the idea of playing ff7 Crisis Core (or the ps5 Remake ff7 Reunion) in japanese only, sometime soon. Since I've done it before (but it was a SLOG 2 years ago when i tried... i read so slow and felt like i was drowning lol). I feel like it should be more doable this time, since i can play Yakuza Ishin in japanese only now (although it felt like i was just guessing based on Vibes when i played ishin it was not as mentally draining). On the other hand, id like glossika japanese to fucking say "low b1" before I try playing a video game again. So i can also feel like i (hopefully) studied 2000+ or more basic words before i try playing games in japanese again.

Then again, who knows with me. I often end up deviating from my plans. Maybe i'll end up playing some game in all japanese today just to spite attempts to plan ToT

[buttercupbuck]

i have one fear about the finale and it's why Marisol is there. When Eddie is trapped and afraid of dying alone he thinks about missed opportunity and so after they get back he goes to Marisol's house and officially gets together with her because he doesn't wanna end up alone or something. I hope I'm completely wrong because I'd imagine if we're doing the couch metaphor then the final scene is going to be Buck Eddie and Chris on the couch but I'm nervous this is a S4 finale repeat.

look. there's a chance that might happen, there's a chance it might not. clearly i can't really speak to any of the specifics and if eddie's going to seek her out after the bridge collapse, but just in my opinion, with the way everything's been set up, i do think there's a good chance it might feel similar to the s4 finale. that's not something i'm personally too upset with considering the circumstances around the end of this season and especially considering the fact that we've still been given so many indicators that we're still on the right path (just as we had in the s4 finale as well), BUT. if this is something that is going to cause you grief and upset for the next however months it is until we get s7, i would genuinely suggest lowering your expectations or taking a step back

and i swear i know this sounds judgy as hell, but i've been there. there have definitely been times this season where i wasn't super sure where things were going and i was upset. i'm not gonna sit here and pretend im not emotionally invested in this show, because i definitely am, to a very very silly amount, but all of those times i took a step back until i eventually got over it, and i was so much better off for it. so i'm not gonna tell you that you're silly for feeling upset or anxious or xyz, but it also isn't on the show to not make you all of those things. the writers can't cater to every single viewer and they can't fulfill every wish and there are a million agendas at play in the creation of any story, so it's just not realistic to hold the show to that standard.

so ultimately, it's on you to deal with the distress it causes. you can try to find things that make you hopeful for the new season or if that's too hard, take a step back

[sr-sam-bodypillow]

idk why but i thought of sam and fear play. i guess those yandere!sr headcanons and your dark!sam post are getting to me.

anyways, dark!sam x reader hcs?

— @staif-and-broulderbeans-anon

@staif-and-broulderbeans-anon

as the ceo of sam simps i formally apologise for taking so damn long on this ask lmao. i hope u can forgive me because this is so long and also i learned tumblr has a character limit whilst writing this which i did not know

tw: sam is a disgusting creep and a massive stalker in this, noncon/rape, assault, threats of murder, actual fucking murder, knife play, fear play, kidnapping, somnophilia, dacryphilia, possessive behaviour, general scumbaggery, yandere!sam, dark!sam, afab reader, i think this one is WAY more fucked up than the other one and i am SO SORRY

the time you think you met sam for the first time and the actual first time he saw you are very different. it was in passing at your workplace, a shitty 24/7 chain convenience store that you always managed to have the night shifts for.

it was getting late, but you still had quite a few more hours before the next guy came in to take over, and with no customers you found yourself drifting off at the counter, slumping in your seat as you took a much needed nap.

thing is, you did have a customer. sam's just far too good at being silent, standing off in the corner as he tries to figure out which iced coffee he's going to buy.

he peers around the shelves, spotting you, peacefully drifting off, messy hair framing your pretty face. you are absolutely adorable.

since there's nobody else in the shop, he spends a good few minutes walking around to make it seem like he's browsing the goods, when in reality he's watching you intently, drinking in every single detail of the scene like he's a man dying of dehydration

here's the thing about dark/yandere!sam. sam knows what he's doing is incredibly fucking creepy and weird. he just doesn't care. boundaries are a myth to him, but at the same time he has no illusions about what he's doing. he enjoys the feeling of power it gives him, the way he could scare someone into isolation with just a few well timed encounters. he's a massive sadist.

sam, having figured out where the cameras are by now, stands in a spot where he knows that he wont be spotted as he begins to take photos of you, taking a short video of the way your chest rises and falls.

he leaves without buying anything. why would he disturb you when you so clearly need it?

when you wake up, you can't shake the feeling that you're being watched. which you are. you very much are.

sam starts to stalk you online. he finds out every single detail he can, your social media accounts, your previous places of employment, everywhere you've lived, everywhere you've ever attended school or university, the works. he creates an entire batch of dummy accounts with false identities to follow you on accounts and to drop seemingly innocuous comments to record your responses.

within a month, he knows more about you than you could've ever possibly imagined. and you still don't even know he exists.

another thing is that he's done this to others before. but they rarely ever get past this first stage because they stop being interesting to him. not you, though. you're not so lucky.

the stalking escalates soon after to real life. you never see him, not once, as he slowly begins to map out your entire routine and lifestyle by following you.

he takes lots and lots of photos, and every single one goes up on the walls of his spare room. it's getting hard to see the original paint, and he's started having to layer photos on top of each other in some places, which upsets him.

you're taking over his entire life. you're all he thinks about. you are everything he's ever wanted and ever needed.

it goes on like this for three months before he finally 'meets' you, and even then it's been set up entirely for his own benefit.

you've just gotten some takeaway from this one place you really like when it starts pouring outside. you groan, knowing that you've got to walk home and your umbrella mysteriously vanished from your workplace just a few days ago. (sam has it.)

like a guardian angel, sam appears. he's got a big enough umbrella for the two of you and just so happens to be going in the same direction as your house. how convenient! he offers to walk with you.

you're suspicious of him at first, because it's some stranger who's come out of nowhere, but he seems to legitimately be going in the same direction as you and you really don't want to get your food wet. you agree, but keep one hand on the pepper spray in your pocket the whole time.

you chat to him on the walk back and he seems... actually quite nice! somehow, you end up with his number, and the two of you start messaging.

slowly but surely, sam begins to worm his way into your life. he doesn't rush it- no, he knows that this is a process that takes time. you need to trust him, and he is willing to wait his whole life for you.

despite all of this, he doesn't introduce you to sr. yes, he is an incredibly patient man, but if he has to take... drastic measures, he doesn't want them asking about why you've gone missing.

don't worry, you wont be dead! you'll just be tied up somewhere super safe where nobody can ever hurt you :)

sam's got a big house in a remote area. he slowly renovates one of the rooms into a perfect place to hold you, just in case

after all, he's hoping he wont ever need it. if all goes well, you won't need an introductory period where you get used to your new life, you'll just be sleeping with him from the get-go

still, he is patient. he waits. he wants everything to be picture perfect.

one day, though, you manage to test his patience a bit too much.

you don't mean to. it's just that for the very first time in the two years you've known him, you've decided to go on a date. you tell sam about the guy you're seeing, not knowing that you've given him enough information to find him.

sam is patient, but sam does not like competition. it doesn't take him much to abduct and kill them in the small apartment he rented to pretend he lived in for when you came over (he was intending to pretend that he'd just purchased his big house later down the line to convince you to move in with him)

unbeknownst to him, you already trust him far more than he thinks.

you've made your way to his apartment to ask if you can spend the night with him watching shitty horror movies instead because you're not actually too comfortable with the date and you're regretting it, only to find him halfway through butchering the man, covered in blood.

you don't even get the chance to scream. he knocks you out then and there, lamenting about how all his well-laid plans have gone to waste.

when you wake up later, it's to pleasure. you moan slightly in your half-awake stupor, too tired to really realise what's going on. is this a wet dream? it feels good, gentle hands touching you just where you want them to be.

it's only when sam laughs softly that you wake up fully, panic overtaking you.

you're tied to a wooden chair, all of your clothes having been pulled off. sam's hands rest on your thighs as he buries his face in your crotch, kissing and licking you as you squirm. you've only just woken up, but you already feel so incredibly overstimulated, his every movement sending shocks through your body.

sam takes his time. he wants to savour every single part of you.

you dont know how long he spends inbetween your legs, his beard brushing up against your skin and making you shiver. you do know that by the time he's finally has his fill you've cum at least thrice, legs shaking uncontrollably.

when he does finish, he crawls up onto your lap, kissing you gently, running his hands through your hair as he grinds his hips slightly, bulge incredibly visible in his tight pants. he's still fully clothed.

you sob uncontrollably, begging him to stop. your crying only turns him on more, and he leans in to lick your tears off your cheeks, an action that stuns you into horrified silence.

he unzips his pants, pulling out his erect cock and letting it rest on your stomach so you can see just how much you turn him on. precum begins to slowly leak down onto your skin, and you whimper pathetically.

he pulls a knife from his pocket, and slowly begins to trail it across your skin.

you yelp, telling him that you'll do anything as long as he doesn't hurt you. he coos at you, leaving hickeys on your neck.

this knife isn't to ensure your compliance. it's because sam wants to watch you bleed.

gently, he begins to leave shallow cuts along your body. they wont scar (too bad), but they will sting and they will most certainly bleed. every time he starts to drag the blade across your body you can see how his dick twitches in excitement

he begins to move, cutting away the ropes binding your legs before lifting them up and gripping onto them tightly so that he has better access to you, positioning himself at your entrance

you dont get any warning when sam slips his cock inside of you, beginning to thrust into you. again, he wants to take his time and drag this out as long as he possibly can, but it's so hard when you feel so fucking good.

it's like a switch has flipped. he becomes aggressive, grabbing you by your hair to force you to lift your head and look at him as he holds the knife to your neck. his thrusts become rougher, making the wooden chair creak with the force he's exerting.

the knife is right above your jugular, ready to drain the blood from you in one swipe. you know he can do it, too. you've already seen him murder another human. what's one more?

"beg." he hisses into your ear, grip tightening on your hair. "beg for me to fuck you, you fucking whore, or i'll slit your throat right here." the knife pushes harder into your skin, breaking the very top layers of skin and allowing a tiny amount of blood to run down your neck. "beg for me. tell me you want it, baby. i know you want it. let me hear you scream, or i'll fucking make you."

you beg. you plead for him to fuck you harder, to keep going, to be as rough with you as he likes. he listens, grabbing your jaw and forcing him to kiss you before biting down onto your shoulders, grip so tight you feel like you're going to bruise

you can't stop the broken moans that spill out of you as he slams into you over and over again. he laughs. "you're so much tighter when you're scared, darling. it's so fucking good"

you shudder as he finishes inside of you, warmth flooding in. he pulls out, grabbing his phone and taking a photo of his cum spilling out, bruises beginning to form on your body as cuts scab over

the switch flips again and he goes back to gentle and caring, brushing your hair from your eyes as he gazes at you with so much love in his eyes that it feels like it will burn you, slowly starting to take care of your superficial wounds

sam's so happy to have you, and you've got a very long time to learn to love him the way he loves you

[subbyfoxelf]

ships i ship the hardest

one of the things i've always loved about tumblr, and a big part of why i'm so happy to be back, is that (and yes i know i'm dating myself here) it feels like a spiritual successor to livejournal. and frankly, i fucking miss livejournal something fierce.

so it seems like a bit of a waste to just reblog stuff & write the same reviews of media i've been writing wherever my online presence has existed for the last half decade or so. it's about time i get into that really cringe bullshit that i always used to post on livejournal. and this seems like exactly the kind of thing I woulda posted on there back in the day.

cringe is dead, long live cringe.

now, just to set some limitations on myself so this post doesn't become totally unreasonable (just reasonably unreasonable), i'm going to make a genuine effort to limit myself to one entry per show/game/whatever (i fully reserve the right to just flagrantly ignore this limitation when i so choose). i will also mostly focus on couples rather than just putting all my favorite characters in a giant polycule. cool? cool.

(cw: some of these characters will have canon age gaps and/or are minors in some canons, just assume there's an element of au-ification or time skipping here. cool? cool.)

sontails

my profile on every social media site used to include "and yet, be it cruel or comforting, this machine unerringly writes sontails angst & fluff. that's what it does." so, yeah.

i also happen to believe that they're in a big ol' gay polycule with shads & knux, and recently i've especially had QUITE A FEW THOUGHTS about shadtails (do i share that fic here? hmm. i'll think about it.)

but yeah. for me, sontails has always been the central relationship of this franchise, even before I shipped it. i got super annoyed when the franchise did dumb shit like when sonic x gave chris almost exclusively emotional beats that should've gone to tails, or when sonic unleashed gave sonic a substitute sidekick (ok tbf i was already a shipper by the time i played unleashed), or just the games increasingly deemphasizing their relationship in general.

but, yeah. probably needless to say, this one is super important to me.

godzilla/mothra

godzilla is a bratty bottom, mothra smacks him around every now & then when he gets out of line. this is just canon.

riker/worf

a lot of this is just the fact that frakes' charisma is totally off the charts, and riker is such an outspokenly openminded dude that you can kind of imagine that literally every single conversation he has with a sentient, physically compatible, appropriately-aged character has a non-zero chance of ending with them in bed. he's like a non-predatory kirk. just total throwback pulp-inspired sexually adventurous explorer dude.

and as worf is canonically his best friend, and we see several instances of them sharing a deep, emotional bond, it's kind of hard NOT to at least see possibilities for shipping here.

what really cemented this for me was when we got to season 2 in our most recent tng rewatch. this is a season that early on features riker being extremely excited to serve aboard a klingon ship as part of an officer exchange (to learn about his boyfriend's culture!), and closes with the scene i screencapped at the top of this entry of riker making worf his first officer during the wargames. also somewhere in there riker joins worf on the holodeck for his klingon calisthenics program. they just do everything together, it's so sweet.

also worf dating troi towards the end of tng & riker having clearly had a fling with dax in thomas riker's ds9 appearance really put the icing on this polycule. it's basically just canon. if picard season 3 doesn't give these two some good moments together it's gonna have some 'splainin' to do.

catdora

yes, yes, i'm being boring and shipping a canon couple. here's the thing, though. i literally started watching this show because i knew the central protagonist & antagonist were canonically gay for each other and i'm sorry but i fucking love that shit.

every time catra captures or beats up adora i feel squirmy. and then catra shows up to princess prom in a messy tux and homoerotically/threateningly dances with adora culminating in dipping her??? and guys, my little gay heart can't take it. it's too yummy. HELP.

but then season 5 happens and there's that agonizing apology AND THE RESCUE??? where a swordless adora nevertheless transforms into she-ra THROUGH SHEER FORCE OF GAY WILL & GAY ANGER to protect her kitten???? and i'm sorry, THIS IS EVERYTHING I'VE EVER WANTED OUT OF MAINSTREAM MEDIA, PUT THIS GAY STUFF DIRECTLY INTO MY VEINS.

so yeah i kinda ship them or whatever.

adiray

yeah, yeah, i’m being boring and shipping another canon couple. but i'm sorry??? they're the first trans/nonbinary characters in the history of star trek??? and they're dating each other??? and they're part of a big queer chosen family???

also the episode where we first meet gray is just one of the best episodes of the whole damn franchise? the scene where all of tal's past hosts embrace adira is just so fucking wonderful. and then once gray is literally brought back from the dead he picks just the most epic, wonderful nurturing life direction.

i love these two so much and i want them to be so happy & safe. protecc at all costs!!

lumity

i mean yeah again they're canon but fuck you i only recently started actually getting canon queer couples in shit i watch!!

but yeah seeing these two bring out the best in each other and just being absolute badasses whenever they're fighting to protect each other and also they're powerful witches, just, YEAH this shit rules. and they're so dang sweet.

flick/cj

i'm not nearly as into cj as i am into my beautiful enby punk/goth lizard boy, but i gotta admit they're hella cute together and i want flick to have all the happiness their little gay scalie heart can contain!!!

karai/leo

this is basically down to the fact that in literally every iteration of the two characters, karai bullies the fuck outta leo, and as someone who used to intensely relate to leo because he’s got “the good kid” syndrome something fierce, obviously i always enjoyed seeing her be all femdommy towards him.

nowadays, i tend to relate to donatello more than leo, but i still really enjoy every iteration of karai playing with her food with leo.

also, honorable mention to karai & april from the 2012 cgi series. the episode where karai beats the shit outta april definitely made me feel feelings the first time i saw it. and every time karai defeats or captures her she always calls her “princess” & is all condescending in general, and it’s just, fuuuuuuuuck, it’s SO gay.

also also obviously i ship basically every combination of the four turtles. i mean, duh.

russian winter

i was shocked when rewatching babylon 5 a few years ago how upfront the show was about the relationship between commander susan ivanova & talia winters. in her last appearance on the show, talia slept with ivanova, and in a later episode when everyone on the crew has to tell a deep, personal secret ivanova says that she loved talia. considering we’re talking about the 90s here, that was pretty fucking explicit.

and yeah, there’s an unfinished fic sitting on one of my harddrives about ivanova rescuing her. maybe i’ll try to get back to that at some point, idk! i haven’t been writing much fic lately.

jake sisko/t’lir

jake sisko/enby vulcan, jake sisko/enby vulcan, JAKE SISKO/ENBY VULCAN.

aragorn/legolas/gimli

it’s that thing where you take a very homosocial book and add expanded roles for some of its female characters to make it less homosocial but you change exactly nothing about how emotionally intimate the homosocial relationships are and also both gay people & people who are more conscious of the fact that gay people exist watch your movie, so like, yeah this is kinda inevitable?

gashir

i don’t even give a shit about bashir when he isn’t interacting with garak. he might as well be a non-character.

i fucking love garak he is such an amazing bratty dom. i love watching him play with his food (his food being bashir).

milippa

i mean, burnham has more feelings about georgiou than she does about any of her actual on-screen romantic partners, whether it’s for her gentle mommy domme prime universe georgiou or her badass mean domme mirror universe georgiou. i like michael with book, don’t get me wrong, it’s just hard for me to get as excited for heterosexual relationships as i do for queer headcanons, especially when one of the two participants is a mommy domme.

jaydick

i’m not super invested in this one, especially since it requires dick to be a service top and i think he’s at his most natural as a bottom, but yeah their dynamic has always been pretty charged to the point that the first gay fic i ever wrote was about these two.

[mach-speed-extra]

Lost a bet part 2: High Guardian Spice

If you haven’t seen the other post, I lost a bet that involved Mario Kart with leg straps and now I have to review High Guardian Spice. There’s really no way around it. HGS kinda sucked. It’s not the worst thing to ever exist, but it’s an interesting microcosm of various flaws stories can have. I can’t say HGS has a single big issue because it falls flat on all fronts. However, watching it I could tell there as at least some people working on this show who tried. HGS’s issues are the same many amateur writers have when they first start, and I doubt anyone’s first story was any good (cool stories sure, but told by an inexperienced storyteller). Also HGS apparently had a ton of production issues and as a Beyblade/ Walking Dead/ Fast & Furious fan I know how that can affect quality (4d’s sudden half episodes, actors leaving, actors dying mid production)

Before I rip into it, I will say there was clearly a lot of heart put into it. It doesn’t make it good, but it counts for something. Heart is what made Rocky V better than the Emoji Movie. Rocky V is still bad, but I can tell there were people involved who put every ounce of effort they had in them when making it, and that’s more than I can say for some other things

TW: Transphobia (also long post)

Tone

HGS can’t decide what it wants to be. Is it a cute, mostly light hearted slice of life story with some level of an overarching plot? Is it a more serious story aimed at older audiences (“older” in this context meaning 14+)? It’s mostly the former but the out of place swearing seems like an attempt to be the latter. If it was totally a show in the same vein as Steven Universe, it’d be unremarkably mediocre. If it went all out on the “adult” stuff, it’d also be unremarkably mediocre. By trying to do the splits the show slams its figurative balls onto the floor and breaks them (which is remarkably bad)

Now for the infamous trans scene. I have to address the elephant in the room so I might as well do it now (because it’s relevant to the tone). I won’t deny that some of the criticism stems from the mere presence of a trans character, but I will criticize it for not doing more with it. Caraway explaining what being trans is the way he did solidly cements this show as having a target audience somewhere in the 7-12 age group. He introduces the concept like he’s reading a Wikipedia page, and leaves it at that. And if the show was consistently like this, it’d be fine. Not particularly good, but fine. It’s just that this surface level exploration of the topic conflicts with the parts of the show that present itself as more nuanced. And gender is nuanced. It’s very much possible to make a version of this scene that does more than a basic description. Basically, imagine a tv show that was 50% clips from Sesame Street and 50% gory slasher death compilations. There are people who would enjoy it, but it’s not many. HGS couldn’t decide its target audience and ended up with no real audience at all

Concept

Probably the most obvious issue here. What is the premise? The main characters go to a magic school to become guardians. What does that mean? Fuck if I know. The characters’ goals don’t have to be things the audience necessarily cares for, but the audience has to understand what they mean. Yerma is a great play but I do not give a damn about the protagonist’s motives. Despite this, her goal is tangible and even though I don’t care for the goal itself, I understand it and her desire to reach it makes me care for her character

The magic system is fucked. I’m sure everyone’s that has reviewed this show has mentioned this at some point. The very concept of new magic basically gives any half decent spellcaster unlimited power. You could wave your terrasphere and transform your opponent into a stack of printer paper. And yet no one ever does. New magic is primarily used to conjure magic beams, but even then people should be spamming it in combat (specifically the villain who doesn’t care for collateral damage)

It tries to mix slice of life elements with an overarching plot and while that is possible, it needs more than 12 episodes. 12 episodes is too short to move your plot at such a slow pace

Theme

There isn’t a particularly strong one here. Themes don’t have to be in your face like Vin Diesel saying “family” a dozen times in the span of 2 hours, but they need to be there and have something clear to say. What is HGS about thematically? Friendship. That’s a good starting point, but too vague. What does HGS have to say about friendship? Friendship is good(?). It has a general idea of its theme but fails to deliver on the more specific elements. Fast & Furious is about family, but more specifically the lengths that people will go to in order to protect their family. It also makes statements about what family actually means (risking your life for someone makes you family more than a blood connection does). HGS doesn’t really do that. It doesn’t make any definitive statements about what friendship means, or how it affects people. There are times when it comes close, but doesn’t follow up on a setup that may have been accidental

Alternatively, the theme could be family (that F&F comparison was made before I thought of this). It could be about how not being present for your children can cause issues (Rose and Thyme lean into this), but HGS never does much with this theme either

Plot

I almost forgot to include this section because of how nonexistent it is. Episodic shows with greater plots that are rarely the focus of an episode are fine (Lab Rats did this masterfully), but 12 episodes isn’t enough for this. I recently started watching Designated Survivor, and each episode seems about 50% focused on the main plot and 50% focused on whichever crisis the new president has to deal with that day. It works because it’s a show with more time than High Guardian Spice

I cannot for the life of me tell you what the plot is. There’s the rot, which they have to stop. And there’s these bad guys from Witch Country, who they have to stop. That’s kinda it. What even is the rot? What does it do? Who are the bad guys? What do they want? None of those questions are ever answered

Rosemary

I was originally going to have a section titled “characters” but realized I had too much to say. Rose is boring at best and grating at worst. Rose is best described, at least most of the time, as incompetent and overconfident. This is just personal preference but I’m not a fan of that combination. What isn’t just personal preference however is the inconsistency. Rose’s skill varies with no real explanation. Unexplained gradual increase is fine (they’re in a school and presumably hone their skills off-screen), but her prowess just goes up and down wildly

Also Rose’s decision making doesn’t make much sense, most notably hiding the fact that she’s bleeding out. Her character was never established as someone who refuses to show weakness, and her choosing to hide a possibly fatal wound happens because? She’s a vaguely defined protagonist who mainly exists to move the plot along as needed

Sage

She’s a character with strong feelings regarding the very premise of the series yet manages to have minimal agency in the story. I always thought giving my characters personal stakes in my stories would cause me to give them agency (even accidentally) but apparently that’s not enough. She has some small moments (like choosing to train with new magic so she can master it), but they’re overshadowed by the rest of the series

Sage’s entire existence is defined by moping around, being a dick, and refusing to do anything meaningful of her own accord. There’s also that one scene with Snapdragon where it felt like someone on the writing staff wanted to talk about toxic masculinity but no one else did and it came off as half assed, but I’ll get to that later. What really bothers me about Sage is how, in a vacuum, she’d be a great antagonist by virtue of being a toxic person who doesn’t realize it and ends up making things worse for her friend. Think Shane from The Walking Dead but without everything surrounding Lori (non-TWD fans: that means unstable guy who eventually tries to murder his friend but backs down only to be killed by the same friend after proving he can’t be trusted)

Parsley and Thyme

Neither one is given much focus so I put them together. Parsley’s alright. Nothing special, and in most shows would be considered slightly underwhelming, but since it’s HGS, she’s the best one in the main cast. That mainly comes down to just being there. She doesn’t get much focus (in time or plot relevance) when compared to Rose and Sage, but that means she doesn’t get involved in many emotional moments other than with the whole group, which helps because HGS doesn’t pull those off very well

Thyme gets little screen time but more plot relevance. That never goes anywhere. She has the most agency out of the main cast, but her character arc doesn’t work the way it was probably intended. Thyme’s arc about opening up to her friends doesn’t work because right after learning she can’t do things alone, she goes ahead and does things alone. Her arc gets undone in the span of one episode. If it weren’t for that, she would probably be a pretty good character. I understand the point of having characters regress, but with Thyme this regression is never addressed

Snapdragon

Probably the best character when it comes to the effort put into their arc. It’s not a bad arc as a whole, but a number of small moments add up to hold back what could’ve been this show’s greatest redeeming quality

The first issue comes from Sage. First, Snap develops a crush on Sage which never goes anywhere. I prefer that it wasn’t followed up because I do not want to bog down Snap’s arc even further with Sage. However, it shouldn’t have been included in the first place

Now let’s get to what I call “the scene where Sage reveals she’s never watched shonen anime.” Sage has this idea that men don’t express their feelings and are thus incapable of having friendships as deep as her and Rose’s. This scene makes me think of three things. First, “Your friendship with Rose is so fucking fragile it almost fell apart because you couldn’t agree on carnival games.” Second, “Bruh” in a “guys can and do have some pretty fucking strong friendships in both fiction and reality” way. Third, “ouch this has some unfortunate implications regarding trans people when you look back on it knowing how Snap’s arc plays out.” I want to say the implications were purely accidental, but knowing that at least one of the writers went “kill all men” on Twitter and that those views on gender are incompatible with being normal about trans people, I’m not so sure. Part of me just feels bad for Raye Rodriguez for being stuck with this shitshow of a production

Snap’s arc, when combined with this show’s attempts at having toxic masculinity be a semi-theme (which I’ll get to later) for Snap, gives the unfortunate statement of “men who aren’t toxically masculine are trans women” (and when you think about what that says about trans men, oof in a “yikes” kind of way). I choose to believe, until proven otherwise, that this was a complete accident that’s best explained by writers not sharing notes and a lack of proofreading, but still ouch

Caraway

Caraway is just kinda boring, even though he had some great potential. Looking at all the moments where we get some insight into his character, we know the following: He was a friend of Rose’s mom who transitioned while he studied at High Guardian Academy and he can combine new and old magic. That’s a premise for a character, not a developed character. We could dive into any of those three things (Rose’s mom, transitioning, magic) and develop him into a much better character

Many characters stand out due to their relationships with another one (the Karate Kid is a great example with both Daniel and Mr. Miyagi). What was Caraway’s friendship with Lavender like? Developing that relationship (probably through flashbacks) would lead to both Caraway and Lavender being much more interesting

Caraway’s views on gender could make him more developed. When characters have specific outlooks on certain subjects, it tends to make them more developed. Don Manuel Bueno has an interesting outlook on religion (he’s a priest who doesn’t believe in heaven but still preaches it to put others’ minds at ease), which makes him interesting

Finally, Caraway could be more interesting if the magic system didn’t suck, but that goes for everyone

Amaryllis

By far the best character when it comes to small moments. She doesn’t have any real arc or truly impactful moments, but works really well as comic relief due to every small moment adding up. It’s the opposite of Snapdragon in this sense since Snap has a great emotional arc but is held back by individual moments

She has great one-liners which is the sole source of entertainment from her character. It just works

The villains

I’m putting them all together because none of them warrant their own section. Olive is a cool idea (recon-based villain who refuses to actually kill), but it just makes her superiors look incompetent when they give her an assignment that involves killing. You don’t send the IT guy to the trenches

Smokeface is a stupid name for a villain that doesn’t do anything of significance. He gives Olive the stone spell and threatens her (but doesn’t do anything himself). Also, the Overlord from Ninjago is a much better floating sentient purple ball of evil. The Triumvirate are incompetent (as shown with Olive and later Mandrake), and don’t have any real presence in the story

Mandrake should by all means by an OP villain who can only be defeated through the combines powers of our main characters, but never shows it. You’re telling me the Triumvirate trusted this guy to kill 4 students in a space that is filled to the brim with fighters and magic users? And then they execute him, which doesn’t exactly inspire loyalty. Executing your minions for failing won’t make them succeed. It will make them either hide their failures or turn on you once they fail

Cal and Aster

Putting Cal and Aster in together as they’re just asshole antagonists (not full on villains) but get too much focus to be lumped with the other minor characters. Every scene with Aster gives me second-hand embarrassment which I guess was the point so I’ll give the show that. My problem with how he was handled is at the end of his only episode. So he compliments Rose after underestimating her. Rose isn’t taking it. My reaction was along the lines of “Rose’s reaction is a bit far, but understandable.” Then Aster calls her stuck up and my reaction is “fuck this guy” and then Parsley drops a hammer on his foot. My final reaction was “what the fuck? Him being a dick justifies having his foot crushed? I’d get it if you told him to fuck off but you just broke multiple bones. Fuck all of this.” An easy way to make the audience sympathize with a bad person is to pit them against an even worse person. A hitman with no qualms about killing seems bad, but compared to a sadistic serial killer who eats babies for fun, he’s the good guy. HGS unintentionally made Aster slightly sympathetic by making him the target of disproportionate retribution. He’s an asshole, but when watching the scene it’s easy to forget considering far worse things happen on screen

Cal doesn’t really work as an antagonist on the basis that he doesn’t take it far enough. All of his comments range from “pathetic” to “irritating,” with nothing ever getting anywhere near “vile.” He’s a run of the mill asshole. I get that Snap snapping at him (pun intended) is due to his internal frustrations and not so much Cal’s comments alone, but Cal just comes off as annoying to the audience. Hell, I’ve had to deal with people like Cal irl and if realism is what they were going for great, but there are also many real people who take it further than Cal ever did. The early seasons of Cobra Kai do a great job showing what bullying really looks like, with many moments much more extreme than anything Cal ever did, and Hawk beating the shit out of Brucks so hard he leaves the show is not only a more brutal scene, but also far more cathartic because of how much we as the audience despise Brucks

Other minor characters

The teachers are mostly alright. The old lady from the Triad and the potions teacher want to kill their students and get this show over with (based). The ethics teachers is a demon (which is an interesting concept that could’ve been explored) but does nothing of note. The PE teacher has a nice moment where he swaps Snapdragon’s and Amaryllis’s weapons, but again does nothing notable. The blacksmithing teacher sends Parsley on a quest that one time (which felt like filler and the lesson learned never had any relevance again), but other than that the most notable thing was that Parsley dressed up as him for Halloween

Parnell is mostly uninteresting except for his admittedly great one liners (which are on par with Amaryllis). Slimeboy is just there but his mic quality makes his voice sound like low quality asmr all the time which is distracting. Aloe and Anise are also just there and the only way they affect my enjoyment of the show is by raising more questions about the magic system (elves can combine old and new magic? How does that work? Explain). Rose’s and Sage’s families (the members that aren’t missing) appear for like 5 minutes and do nothing (Sage’s parents have some influence over Sage’s arc, but when we never see first-hand what they do it falls flat). Lavender is barely a character to begin with

The part where I talk about gender

I bring this up because “gender,” as an extremely broad term encompassing everything from gender roles to gender identity and presentation, is the one thing that if handled well could’ve made me truly enjoy this show. They bring it up occasionally but fail to deliver. The few emotional moments that truly work for me are all tied to Snapdragon’s character arc

This show’s attempts at tackling toxic masculinity are notable for how badly they mess up. The two notable characters involved are Aster and Snap. Aster is a casually misogynistic egotistical dick who wants to be the hero who saves the damsel, even when said damsel is a better warrior than he is. However, they portray Aster not as intentionally malicious so much as just a dumbass. Could this be a statement on how people that enforce toxic ideas on gender aren’t always malicious but sometimes just ignorant (and the follow up that those that are malicious take advantage of the ignorant to further their own interests)? Yes. Is it? Probably not

Snap (or more accurately, his dad) is used at one point to bring up toxic masculinity. It tries to portray Snap’s dad as someone who encourages violence and wants his kids to be very masculine (in order to tie in to Snap’s arc). The problem is that what Snap’s dad was doing was telling Snap he needs to be assertive and stand up for himself. Poorly communicated yes, but a good lesson nonetheless. If instead of Snap, the dad said the same thing to a cis woman, it’d be generally considered a good thing (though again, poorly communicated). Now, well-meaning but miscommunicated advice can and does often have negative consequences, but HGS doesn’t devote nearly enough time to make it work. Generally, characters like Snap’s dad who only appear in one scene cannot be given much depth due to time constraints, leading to them either being forgettable or being given a single memorable trait/ moment to make the scene stand out. What HGS tried to do was give a one-scene character a level of depth that ends up just being unexplored and the audience has to assume the rest

The only way to make any character arc regarding gender identity work is for the character to answer the question “what the fuck does gender even mean?” The answers will vary, but that variation is the reason why it’s important to answer the question. A character whose arc revolves around gender needs the audience to know what gender means to the character. My experience and ideas regarding my gender and what gender means to me are fundamentally different from other people’s, because each person has a fundamentally unique relationship with the concept of gender. That means 2 things. First, a work of fiction must define what gender means to the characters, because the audience’s definition of gender is very unlikely to match. Second, each character has a different take on gender, and the beliefs of one character do not carry over to another unless explicitly stated that characters share the same beliefs (and even then it’s likely there are some small differences)

Why did I write the above paragraph? Because HGS never truly explores what gender means to Snapdragon. It may seem tempting to have Caraway (a mentor figure) exposit about gender, but that only gives us insight into Caraway’s own experience (which is also never truly explored). The level of focus required to make an arc like this work is far greater than what HGS gave it. I understand that Snap is a side character and that there are 4 main characters that get more screentime, but I guess making a side character’s arc the most emotionally impacting part of the story was never a good idea. Maybe Snapdragon should’ve been the main character, but I assume this arc came about too late in production to change the protagonist

Conclusion

It’s a bad show, but it could be worse. At least it’s clear that there were people involved who did their best, and the show doesn’t seem to exist solely to spite people (I refuse to give Velma money so I pirated it and still want my money back). The best way I can describe it is “amateur.” People with little experience and a low budget will fail to deliver a good final product 99% of the time, but it’s not irredeemable. It’s just a new creator’s first project but given more publicity than most people get on their first projects (unless they’re famous for something else beforehand or nepotism is involved, neither of which seems to be the case here)

It does suck that HGS got caught in the middle of Crunchyroll’s shitty business, and “all publicity is good publicity” doesn’t necessarily apply to the creators’ mental health (apparently Twitter was a shitshow when this was first released). On the bright side, hate watching still gives money and Raye Rodriguez has a significant number of people ready to hate watch whatever his next project is. Either it sucks and he can keep making money from hate views until the well runs dry, or it doesn’t suck and he proves he can make good shows (which still gets views from people expecting garbage)

[introloves]

needy! bokuto + but still very much dom! bokuto + bokuto uses your panties to get off + male masturbation + f! reader

he knows you’ll be back soon, knows that in a couple minutes you’ll walk through the door and he’ll be able to touch you, hold you while he takes you; wants to bury his cock inside the moment you’ve stepped through the door, not needing to prep you- wants to take you dry and watch your eyes roll to the back of your head, shaking and whimpering for him to slow down before slumping down in a nice and plaint-

fuck.

bokuto runs a hand through his hair, pushing the silver and darkened strands to settle off his face, sighing at the way he let his thoughts wander.

with a pitiful look he glances down, sees his cock strain against his sweats, tilting to the left, jumping with every thought of you flickering through his mind.

he knows you’ll be back soon... but he can’t wait.

with heavy steps, he pads into your shared room, heartbeat quickening when he sees your drawer- partially opened, letting him see the various colors in panties you like wearing.

he’s quick to single out the pair he knows will get him off the fastest...

they’re pink and frilly, laced and pretty.

bokuto holds them inside a clenched fist- turning around, sitting himself on the bed, heart pounding so hard he can see it in his vision as he looks down at the crumpled material.

it’s quick, the way he hooks his thumb under the wasiteband and brings his cock out- rigid in his movements; he hasn’t done this in so long, and why would he went he has you?

there’s a note of urgency because he knows you’ll be here soon anyways- maybe this was just an excuse to make a mess agasint the pretty lace he loves seeing you in, and as he pumps his cock in hard tugs- hissing at the roughness, it might be true.

bokuto whines, tilts his reddened face back- looking at the ceiling while the sound of his palm slapping heavily against his pelvis rings out loudly into the room, see’s stars and sees you. his imagination pulling scenes of shared moments like the weight of you above him while you ride him, dripping down his cock, or how you wheeze out his name, high and whiny when he folds your body down into a press-

“f-fuck! fuck!” koutarou exclaims, the memory has his dick throb, pulling his balls tight, pitching forward in order to stave off the orgasm. the hand still clutching your panties meets the hand furiously fucking himself, swiping the precum dribbling down with the pink. he watches with wide eyes at how nice the color looks darkening at the translucent pre.

its natural, the order in which it all plays out, not thinking as he wraps your panties around his thick cock, red, angry head peaking at the top and another whine leaves him between the lips caught in between his teeth.

there’s something he really likes about how the thin piece looks stretched around and around him- he didnt even know what was transpiring inside his mind while he gave the first tentative drag, lips popping open in a whimper.

he wants you so badly, tummy swirling at the pain- but this will do, this will surely do.

the pretty fabric now snuggly between his hand and dick helps him speed up, imagining hes simply pulled them to the side- sliding in and out of your swollen and oh so prettty cunt. he can almost hear the familiar sound of squelching and your smell, so good when aroused and cuming around him.

he cant seem to tether down one single scenario, but ultimately the memory of him trapping you under him, arms wrapped ‘round your body as he furiously jackhammers his hips up into your jolting body, held straight by only him is what does bokuto in. the dependency and trust you give him makes the big man nearly cry- cry like you do when he splits your pussy open.

hes too excited and high strung, big broad shoulders tipping forward, curling in on himself as he sees his muscled thighs jump. theres harsh swelling before he cums, hastily bringing your panties up and over the crown of his cock, covering his spurting slit. koutarou traps all the cum, sweating as even then its too much and begins seeping from the fabric and his fingers.

“g-god! shit- y/n!”

lust addled brain only knows you, only craves you while he keenly calls out. sucking in a breath while he releases his cock, letting it fall raw and used, slung against his thigh.

bokuto watches while he slowly opens his hand, the image of the pink panties covered in thick, white globs of his semen is one he will commit to memory.

but, there’s not enough time for koutarou to revel in the sight- ears perk up as the front door opens.

once again, with quick movements he makes his way to you, smiling at the wide eyed look you give him, taking in the red and clearly used cock hanging between his thick thighs.

“fuck- youre here... couldn’t wait... and now i need you.” is all bokuto says, wrapping strong arms around you- dumb rough and big fingers quickly stuffing your own soiled panties (still hot and sticky and wet) inside your mouth to silence any questions, letting you know like you couldn’t taste his cum slowly dribbling down onto your tongue- turning you around and tugging your bottoms down.

the memory of you and how you look right now, shaking in attempt to place your cute hands against the door- lips smeared in the mess of cum from your panties, sucking in a breath from your nose as he slides his soft cock inside- would and could never compare.

he wants to recreate the image that brought him to the end, the end which was slowly dribbling down your mouth because there was just that much, and with those strong brutish arms of his, he curls them around your body, furiously humping from behind- forcing his cock to harden inside your cunt, so warm and steadily creating that slick he loves so much.

“‘m sorry- came all over your panties-“ he moves an arm to tap a finger agaisnt your stuffed mout, touching the pink hanging out before returning his arm, “cause i wanted you... you want me too, right?” bokuto questions, knowing the answer as you push back, eagerly wanting more.

“but now i have you, nd i’m gunna stuff you like you deserve.”