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drchucktingle · 9 months

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my masks

hey there buckaroos. due to all of the attention the TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION situation has gotten i am going to take a minute to talk about my personal way as an autistic buckaroo. im going to tell you about my masks.

im doing this for a few reasons, some are good FUN reasons full of love and some are not so great.

lets start with the GOOD STUFF. first of all, i am talking about this because speaking on my way can help other buckaroo feel more comfortable speaking on there own way, ESPECIALLY if they are good at ‘passing’ for neurotypical like chuck is.

unfortunately the NOT SO GREAT reasons im talking about all this dang stuff are two fold. reason one: i have been put into a position of having to explain and justify my needs and boundaries by the TXLA. this is not something that i WANT to be taking up all of my time, but when large organizations do not make space for those who they have pledged to support, it puts us smaller buckaroos into position where were have to defend our existence. it is not plesent but it is necessary.

the second NOT SO GREAT reason is that ‘passing’ bisexual and autistic people like myself are ALWAYS just seconds from being gatekept from folks both outside and inside these communities. there will probably be a day on chucks deathbed where i take off my mask and say hello to this timeline (mostly so you can all see how handsome i am under here but I DIGRESS). i KNOW with absolute certainty (the same way other bi and autistic buckaroos are probably nodding along right now) that when that day comes i will STILL be accused of ‘not being real’ and ‘faking’ because i ‘dont look autistic’ and i have a beautiful ladybuck partner in sweet barbara.

ALL THAT IS TO SAY, i am taking a moment today to talk FOR THE RECORD about my neurodigence and my particular needs. hopefully i will not have to keep diving this deep every time an organization takes a discrimantory action against me, but i will also say this: at least it is a good fight on an important battlefield

anyway buds, here is the story of my way on the spectrum

when i was a young buckaroo i knew that my thought process was different. i could socialize easily, which is unique in contrast to many autistic buds (it is a spectrum after all), but my social ease was for an interesting reason. I ALWAYS KNEW WHAT OTHERS WERE ABOUT TO SAY. it was like a strange ‘human game’ where someone would say one thing and i would think ‘well you actually mean something else’ in a sort of logical way (this is why i later related to DATA from star trek so dang much). at first i remember thinking ‘well i am just NOT going to play along with this human game’. i quickly learned neurotypical buckaroos do not like this, that there is a BOB AND WEAVE to social interactions that must be learned.

later i realized ‘actually if i WANT to make friends and prove love is real then i can do this like an expert because i can SEE the game where most cant’. this got chuck many buds and took me on many adventures. please understand, i am not saying these connections are not important to me, they are just different. they are full of love, but i express this in my own unique way.

HOWEVER, while growing up i felt disconnected from this timeline in other ways, like an alien or a reverse twin trotting along in a world that is not quite my own. i did not feel emotions the same way my buds did. they would get upset over the ‘human game’ interactions and i would not be moved at all, HOWEVER i could see the way sunlight hit a window and start crying my dang eyes out over the beauty. so my emotion was still there and VERY STRONG, i just felt it in more existential ways (like hearing the call of the lonesome train). these days that feeling has progressed to where i am pretty much in a constant blissed out state of cosmic emotional connection (make of that last sentence what you will, but it is the truth). when i make existential posts online i am not just FIRING OFF SOME CONTENT, i really mean every word. this is really my trot.

anyway as a young buckaroo these feelings made me worry sometimes. i thought about various mental health dianosises and marked the parts and pieces that matched with myself. am i this? am i that? sometimes, instead of just being’ different’ i worried i might actually be ‘wrong’.

when i saw david byrne on letterman in my younger days i immediately recognized something connected to myself. i thought ‘wow this is the mystery being solved before my very eyes.’ i could hear it in the music of talking heads too. i started doing research and realized that i might be on autism spectrum, something that was later confirmed by a therapist (back then the diagnosis was called asperger's). it was a glorious and fulfilling moment. i was SO EXCITED TO BE AUTISTIC LIKE MY HERO. i felt very cool because of it, and i still feel very cool because of it.

one of the big reasons i talk so much about being autistic these days is because i want to make sure OTHER buckaroos can have that same moment that i did. they can see chuck and think ‘wow i really like this autistic artist, maybe being autistic is cool’

so what does an average day WITHOUT wearing the pink bag look like for me?

my thought process is exactly like ROSE from CAMP DAMASCUS, which is part of why i wrote the book. we have the same stim (complex order of finger taps), we prepare for social interactions the same way, we analyze things in the same logical trot that neurotypical people might think feels ‘detached’ but for me feels natural (certain reviews of camp damascus are very funny to me in this way. you can tell when a reader is just very confused by existing in an autistic brain for 250 pages.)

from the outside you would not be able to tell that i am on the spectrum. in fact you would probably find me very socially adept.

the problem is, all of that masking can take its toll. i spent years trotting in and out the emergency room, talking to confused doctors who could not figure out the chronic phantom tension and pain that radiated through my body. i eventually accepted the fact that i would either live a life constantly on heavy painkillers or just stop living altogether.

eventually, however, i started noticing a correlation between the way that i felt, and the space that i allowed for chuck and the pink mask. i was exercising that tension, allowing my mental mask of neurotypical existence to take a rest. i started practicing physical therapy and this time THE RESULTS STUCK because i was approaching from two sides, MIND AND BODY. after a while, i got my pain down to about 5 percent of what it once was. i still have flare ups in times of stress, but the healing has been very real and life changing.

lets get VERY specific now. if i attended the TXLA confrence without a mask and gave my talk i can tell you this: i would do a dang good job. i can work the heck out of a crowd and (not to reveal too much about my secret way) I HAVE BEEN KNOWN TO DO THIS ON OCCASION VERY WELL. however, going home from this event i would very likely be in pain. i would likely need to do physical therapy. i would likely need to stim for a while. i would NOT be emotionally fullfilled in the same way. in other words, without my pink mask i can charm the heck out of buckaroos, but THE SPACE OF CHUCK TINGLE IS NOT THE SPACE FOR THAT. the pink bag is a place for me to not have to put up with that tension. it is a place for me to unmask mentally by masking physically.

this pink bag space SAVED MY LIFE and i am not going to risk blurring these lines. if and when that ever happens it will be MY decision, not someone elses. that is my boundary. the part of me that neurotypically masks could handle a library conference in a purely technical sense, but the part of me that chuck represents absolutely cannot and should not be asked to do that without the pink bag. unfortunately, the complexity of this point makes it even MORE difficult for me to think about and takes up even more of my time, because it forces me to START QUESTIONING MYSELF and my own needs. to be honest, that is the most insidious part of other people questioning your identify and refusing to accept your accommodation needs without ‘proof’.

the thing is, while all of this discussion of disability and accessibility is important, i have a much larger point to make by writing these words.

a conference should not uninvite someone with an unusual physical presentation or a strange way of speaking REGARDLESS of it being classified as a disability. it does not matter WHY i look the way that i look and wear what i wear. i should not have to spend all day writing this post instead of writing my next book, just because my sensibilities are unique and my presentation is unusual.

fortunately the solution is very simple: let other people be themselves. its not hurting you to simply accept and nod at the buckaroos you think look strange. let us exist

#actually autistic #chuck tingle #tingleverse #buckaroo lifestyle

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prettyboykatsuki · 17 days

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give yourself up, my treat | h. sakura

✮ tags ; afab + fem!reader (referred to as girlfriend, descriptions of makeup and nails), implied to be shorter than sakura, omorashi, piss!!!! / wetting, humiliation, lots of crying / embarrassment, praise kink, somewhat public, femdom, depictions of subspace, d/s dynamics, like... soft loving sex as aftercare but this is honestly pure kink lol sorry, 18+

✮ wc ; 4.6k (i dont want to talk about it man)

✮ a/n ; this is piss kink. like. full stop. full stop omorashi. im warning you now that this is piss kink to the highest extent. srry sakura . finally let him top and it was after making him piss himself. rip

also!! while sakura is describing how shameful he feels he is doing this all very willingly. they have a safeword but sakura does not feel any need to use it.

✮ synopsis ; sakura lets you push his limits any way you please.

Sakura listens to everything you say. Like some kind of moron.

Can’t help himself really, as much as it irritates him to admit.

That’s always just been his instinct. Any time he finds himself in unfamiliar waters, he leans into that as much as possible. He’s survived a long time by trusting his intuition and a longstanding distrust of other people. It speaks a lot to someone's character usually if Sakura is even mildly inclined to trust them.

He isn’t sure if it’s his intuition that drives him to follow your order without question, but it’s a strong enough pull he finds he can’t help himself even when he so, so badly wants to resist it.

It’s not Sakura’s fault. It’s not really yours either. That’s just how you’ve always been. How its always been.

(Once, well before you and Sakura were a thing - Nirei had made an observation about you. Called you disarming. Suo laughed and agreed before adding that it felt a little misleading to describe you that way even if it was true.

You had just moved into the area after a disciplinary case in your hometown. You’d beat up another student who was bullying your friend, got expelled and moved out on your own after the fact. Cut ties with your family and everything.

Despite the general air of mystery around you, there was something about you that Sakura felt pulled him in. For some reason, you never triggered his fight or flight even when it was way easier to do it. For some reason you made him comfortable, always knowing his limits and rarely teasing him even for laughs.

An undeniable magnetism to you appealed to him a lot more than it repulsed him. )

Over the years, Sakura has mulled a lot over your relationship. How you approached him at fifteen with a cool, carefree attitude that left him uselessly infatuated against his will. How you took your time in getting to know him for years. Later, how you confessed. Roped him into the relationship so seamlessly that by the time things happened for real, Sakura felt totally unnerved by how inevitable—how deliberate you were about it right from the start. Something that occurred to him too late.

You’ve always been good at placating his many troubles too, even when you’re the cause of them. His lingering paranoia, his serious attitude, his inability to deal with compliments. You handle all of it with such grace it’s like those parts of him don’t even exist. Maybe it’s because you went through something similar to him, but you understand all of it well - though you dealt with it in the opposite way he does.

Your carefree acceptance has proved to have a good influence on him. He’s less anxious and more relaxed around you. He always feels like listening to you, and always does - and after dating for four years, he’s rarely mad about it.

Sakura always listens to everything you say because some part of him is conditioned too. His body does it instinctively, placing more trust in your words than he does in even himself. You’ve built that in him.

As troublesome as you can be, you’ve yet to lead him astray.

Embarrassing as it is, a long relationship has instilled a sense of obedience to you and his… love for you that runs deeper even than his intuition.

That’s why, when you tell Sakura to—

“Drink,”

—he does it without hesitation.

He drinks another cup of tea in one gulp before wiping the corner of his lip as you smile at him very briefly.

He no longer feels a clear sense of how much time has passed, despite the fact he’s currently very sober.

Cramped against the wall, Sakura’s head spins as you lean your weight against his other side and chat with Umemiya over drinks. An airy smile on your lips and gentle look in your eye. Damn you.

His chest heaves as the thick, warm air enters his lungs and stifles his already difficult breathing further. Dim lights overhead cast shadow underneath the table and only barely illuminate the topside well enough to see the remnants of a long night. Empty glasses, canisters of beer and shochu as well as a variety of small plates cleared of everything apart from stray crumbs littering its surface.

Around him, his loved ones part into small groups and chat amongst each other. Sakura has no idea what the topic of conversation is anymore. He hasn’t heard anything other than the sound of your voice in his head for an hour and hasn’t spoken up for the last thirty minutes. When someone tries to call him into conversation, he mumbles something before you speak for him and no one bats an eye at this for which Sakura’s fucking grateful.

It’s so hard to think of anything when his bladder feels this painfully full.

His head is filled with white noise, red flush crawling even further along his neck until it dusts along his nose - up to the ends of his ears. Under the table, your fingers drift subtly to his inner thigh and push inward. Sakura winces, biting back a pathetic little whimper and glaring at you weakly from the corner of his eyes.

This is torture.

You aimlessly draw something in his thigh with your fingers before smiling gently as you nudge another cup of lukewarm tea his way. Leaning in while your conversation partners are all distracted by ordering something else, you whisper into his ear. The light warmth of your breath makes him shake, painful pressure in his abdomen steadily increases as the liquid starts to travel down his throat. Your hand is careful as it slides underneath his black t-shirt and lightly grazes his skin. It’s dark enough to not be obvious. The dull ends of your manicured nails scratch lightly at the soft, lower swell of his belly before the pads of your fingers push hard into his core.

His body gives into the pressure, eyes widening with fear at the sudden sensation. He barely stifles a gasp before shooting you another mean look you easily ignore.

“Haruka,” You hand him his cup again, filled to the very brim with liquid. “Drink some more tea,”

He grits his teeth.

“Fucksake. I can’t—I can’t.”

You raise an eyebrow as your hand smooth down his thighs. Your lips quirk up into a smile so smug it nearly rocks him out of his anger.

“Is that right?”

A test. He’s always welcome to give up. He knows that. He knows that if he does you won’t hold it against him either. You want him to do it because he wanted too, always. He hates that about you.

Sakura grinds his teeth and takes a hold of the ceramic tea cup, knocking the lukewarm tea back in one go. Your expression morphs into something pleased and endeared from the corner of his eyes and his heart starts to flutter. He isn’t sure if he’s thankful or not for all the people around, for the environment.

It gives you free reign to lean even further into him and whisper the words he’s been desperately aching to hear all evening.

“Good boy,” You hum, careful and deliberate. A innocent kiss gets placed on his cheek, the lipgloss dampening his skin. “You’re being so, so strong.”

The words him melt him unwittingly. From the top of his head to the tips of his toes, the rush of affection threads through his nerves and unwinds his sense of danger further. Enough that he might slip completely. He has to hold it until the clock hits midnight. Just until then. You’ll take a cab home and Sakura will relieve himself finally, finally. It’s seventeen more minutes until he can go home and empty his bladder. He can’t screw up now.

This is the first time you’ve made Sakura hold in public. You’ve always been considerate enough to do it at home where the safety net of your mutual understanding and familiar bathroom are there even if he fails to keep it in. Even if he pissed himself in your living room or in your bedroom - it can be dry cleaned or tossed. Most of all there’s no one to explain it too.

In public it’s different. He could pretend that he’s drunk and while it wouldn’t be less fucking embarrassing - at least it’s understandable. Sakura is sure that’s part of the reason you chose a place like this do to attempt such a public play. To give him the out, just in case.

But regardless, the shame and humiliation of not being able to hold it in front of everyone he knows is a threat. It’s just so goddamn embarrassing. So horrible and awful. The anxiety makes his stomach churn but he can’t focus on a damn thing else.

He has to go. He has too.

He always whines about how much he hates this but you both know he doesn’t entirely mean it. It’s not that he likes this miserable sensation, as much as he likes how you get off on it. How sadistic it turns his unusually kind and light-hearted girlfriend.

You’ve always relished in Sakura’s shame like the freak you are. Pure pleasure on your face and absolute adoration as you watched Sakura break apart slowly and guide him through it with hushed whispers. Watching the light color of his jeans or joggers stain dark from wetness or watch him be jostle around enough to almost piss but not enough to give him actual relief. Teasing him until he trickles and makes his own boxers damp enough to be uncomfortable—to be cognizant of the fact he’s pissed himself helplessly while not being able to take care of it on his own. Not without your explicit permission.

You’ve done all sorts of play together. Usually, you have and indoor date and movie night where Sakura knocks back a few liters over of water over long few hours and gets increasingly desperate. And you get him hard during that, always sure to tease him until he’s just on the edge of wetting himself.

You always shower together afterwards. Yet, you don’t hesitate to touch Sakura’s soft, piss soaked cock with reverence either way. Quick to praise him, whether or not he’s failed or succeeded in holding it. Despite how shameful the whole thing is and how much he protested it at the start - some part of him deep, deep down can admit he sort of likes it. Or at least, he likes the pleasure he gets from you when you take the reigns.

It feels good, though he really resents even kind of admitting that. The relief from holding and holding and holding and then finally getting to let go is just as good every time. Pissing himself always feels good in the moment.

And you’re always so aroused by him after. He likes that way more than everything else being frank. Likes the way you get wet over his humiliation. Likes how softly you stroke and lick his cock when he’s all cleaned up, eyes lidded and full of pure love as he gets to cum too - another reward for holding in so well. He loves the warm whispers of good boy against his neck and shoulders when you finally sink down on his length and the way you feel when he holds you in his lap and buries his face into your shoulder.

All of that feels so much better when he does what he’s told and he likes listening to you. So even though it’s usually against his best interest in conditions like these - he bites his tongue and continues to drink until he feels like he’s sating your appetite, silently ignoring the ballooning in his bladder only getting worse with each pass of breath.

And he drinks, and drinks, and drinks until the clock hits midnight.

You’re deliberately brutal in the last seventeen minutes. In that time, you make Sakura down at least another half liter of liquid and continue to tease him all the way until the izakaya closes. He’s antsy by the time the night ends. His friends slowly disperse outside and go home in different directions until it’s just the two of you waiting for a taxi to come pick you up.

Sakura is counting the fucking seconds.

He needs to go, but he doesn’t want to piss himself in the taxi. His legs are crossed, shifting his weight anxiously as you hold his hand and smile plainly like nothing in the world is going on.

Another two minutes until the cab arrives, another twelve to go home. You hum to yourself as you reach your hand up and caress the back of his neck, palm brushing the trimmed hair and sliding slowly over his rapid pulse and flush skin. With no one around, you don’t bother hiding your intentions. You slide your hand just into the waistband of his black jeans, just above his soft cock.

His brows raise high as your eyes lock.

And then you push at that angle - push hard enough he feels a slight trickle. Not enough to stain his light-wash jeans, but enough that the fabric of his underwear is noticeably damp. Sweat forms at his temple from a mix of stress and shame - eyes screwed closed as he curses. He’s afraid to look at you but does anyway.

You’re smiling just as warmly as he thought you’d be. His voice cracks under the weight.

He thinks this is the hardest it’s ever been. The pressure is so much stronger when there’s stakes and Sakura is mildly horrified. And he has to go so bad, so bad he can’t think of anything else.

“Fucking—,” He crumbles, feeling shameful and red faced and lightheaded as he admits this to you with trembling lips and terrified eyes. “Dunno if I can make it home, I need to - “

You stand in front of him and push up slightly to kiss him. It’s a nice distraction. Your soft, sweet lips salve his nerves just a touch. You gaze up at him lovingly.

“It’s okay baby, promise. Home soon.”

The words of protest die on his lips. Despite being taller than you, Sakura finds himself feeling so incredibly small. So incredibly helpless and so, so dependent on you in that moment he hardly knows what to do with himself. It usually takes him longer to get like this. You’re the only that can bat for him if he really does wet himself. He’s doing everything you say, being obedient, chasing after the familiar high of the aftermath and it’s sinking him so deep into that headspace. He feels suspended in air.

He grips your hands a little tighter and you smile at him. His brows furrow.

“Wanna hold me a little baby? On the way home.”

He nods feeling as tender as ever and you nod back, kissing his temple.

“Mm. Good boy. It’s okay.”

He hides a whimper into your hair as he hugs you from behind, a light laugh leaving your lips when he does. Two minutes feels like two hours.

The taxi pulls up not long after. You open the doors for him and talk to the driver, giving him your address. Something plays on the radio that gets turned up to give you and Sakura some room as the driver makes way. It’s a short, short drive over to your apartment. Just seven minutes.

As soon as the driver steps on the gas, Sakura turns his gaze on you pleadingly. And you smile at him, shifting to lay a little against his chest. He buries his face against your shoulder in measured breaths as your other hand comes up to play with his hair.

“You’re extra whiny today,” You whisper without any malice. A doting edge to your words. “Can’t help it can you? We’re almost home, baby.”

Sakura bites back another whimper, mustering as much sense into his speech as he can though he hardly wants to talk. Hardly wants to think, either.

“So close, Haruka. Just a little more and then you can go.” You nudge him with your nose “Such a good boy.”

“So full,” The words come out hot, on a heavy breath as his hand grips your waist tighter. “Can’t—no more,”

“Shh,” You soothe. The shared affection between you looks like normal PDA through the reflection in the drivers mirror and it makes him feel even more self-conscious. “Three more minutes, Haru. A minute or two to walk in. Two minutes in the elevator, and another two to get the door unlocked. Nine minutes. You’ve held it for so long. I know you can hold it in a little longer.”

He grits his teeth and closes his eyes. “Tell me I’m good.”

“So good baby.” You nuzzle against the crown of his head. “So, so good.”

The next few minutes feel like a complete blur.

One more light until the driver pulls into the parking lot of your complex, politely wishing you goodnight before pulling away. Sakura nearly has to lean on you as you walk into the empty elevator and take the trip upstairs. His grip on your hand is tight as you lead him through the corridor, grips even tighter as you fish your keys out from your purse and unlock the door.

The sound of the lock undoing makes Sakura feel so relieved. You usher him in carefully, his thighs tight and knees nearly buckling from the pressure of his bladder. He’s so full it’s painful, so full it aches and it’s so much he can’t think about anything except that and how much he wants to be free from it. He's delirious and sweaty. He just needs to go so badly.

He tries to rush to the bathroom but jostling around while he walks doesn't work out well.

A looming sense of panic sets in immediately.. He knows what's coming instinctively - the uncontrollable relaxation on his muscles when his body has reached his limit. He looks up at you pleadingly, though he’s not sure what he’s even asking you for.

He can’t think. Barely moving as something starts to unfold inside of him, crashing into him all at once.

It’s obvious that he’d start to feel the urge to piss when he's comfortable at hom, finally in his own space but—

He shakes his head, looking at you with blown out eyes.

“I can’t,” He hiccups as he shuffles closer and closer to the living room, teary at his lashline Trying his best to get to the bathroom and failing. “Can’t make it to the—fuck, please, I can’t. It’s.—It’s gonna, I’m gonna -“

Your eyes widen in understanding as you crouch just at the entrance alongside him, petting his back.

“Oh sweetheart,” Your voice is the softest, sweetest sound he’s heard all night. “Poor thing. Shh, it’s okay baby. Let go. It’s alright, I promise. You did so good.”

Something in him...breaks. Shatters.

His eyes go wide before they blur with tears and piss leaks from between his legs unwittingly.

Sakura is reduced down to sobbing. His whole body shudders so hard, he’s knees buckling under the weight as the pressure finally stops. He can’t help but listen, even though he’s so, so ashamed of himself.

Fuck. Fuck, it feels so good.

Sakura finally, finally lets go. He crumbles under his own weight, shrinking down to his knees as he feels it soak through the layers in a hot rush between his legs. His clothes dampen and drench as he lets out long breaths. You card your fingers through his hair as he sobs through the endless stream. It feels like it’s never going to stop. He can’t open his eyes to look but he can feel the puddle forming underneath him, how it soaks into his jeans and shoes and makes them wet. How ashamed and humiliated he feels being completely unable to stop himself from wetting himself. It flows and flows and flows, testament to just how much he had to drink.

The entirety of his pant leg is soaked with his own piss and mess. Embarrassment makes him curl up as he’s unable to stop once he starts. It goes on for so long. But it feels so good to let it out. The sheer sense of relief is more of what’s making him sob than anything else.

Piss trickles down his legs as he heaves through deep breaths and short sobs. He feels your hands cup his face as you bend in a squat, unconcerned with the way it splashes against your shoes or tights. When he finally gets his vision back as you swipe his tears away, you’re looking at him with such reverence he wants to cry all over again.

“You did so good baby,” You praise, warming him. You kiss him on the lips first before brushing against the crown of his head. “So good. You’re so perfect. Let’s get you cleaned up, hm? Give you you your reward.”

He sniffles as he stares at you. “You’re such a damn pervert.”

You laugh a little. “Mm, that’s true. Sorry, baby.”

Clean-up is always less of a hassle then he expects it to be.

Maybe because you have a routine for it now, but it doesn’t take very long at all. You do most of the heavy lifting during it which only worsens the feeling helplessness Sakura has been experiencing for the last few hours. He doesn’t make any effort to get away or out from that headspace, though it dies down with time. The promise of a reward has been the only thing keeping him level for hours now and he’d be damned to let it all go to waste after he worked so hard.

After a long, warm shower and change of clothes - Sakura finally gets what he wants more than anything.

Affection and attention.

In the safety of your bedroom, Sakura feels particularly floaty as he holds you in your lap. Lazy and worn out, he nuzzles himself against your neck as he feels your naked torso squish against his. He’s too embarrassed to tell you verbally like this that he loves you and hopes the nuzzling does the job for him.

Your nails feel good on his scalp as you card them again through his wet hair. Your skin smells nice too, and you’re soft and warm. The mellow thump of your heartbeat soothes him as you shower him in endless praise. It’s usually impossible for you to do this. Only when he’s bone tired like this do you get the chance.

Too embarrassing to let you do it unless he’s worked hard for it like he did today.

Sakura feels his length slide against your pussy and lets out a soft noise. You’re always so wet during this kind of play. It makes him feel wanted in a way he finds cringeworthy and doesn’t dare voice. Still, he doesn’t mind the feeling - aimlessly sliding his hips up and against your slick folds with a huff.

You do him the favor of moving. Copying the gesture by sliding yourself up and against his cock without penetration. His fingers tighten on your hips, cock painfully sensitive as he whimpers. Pre-cum leaks from his tip, weepy and spent and red as he humps against you even harder - lost in the sensation.

“Wanna cum like this Haruka? Don’t need to ask permission.”

“Nghh.”

He nods wordlessly as you grind yourself down harder onto him. His tip passes over your clit enough times to make you sigh pleasantly, and that sound drives him over the edge. Thick ropes of white cum spills against your soft pussy as Sakura moans and shudders violently. Despite how close you are, he can’t help but feel like it’s not close enough.

Maybe you sense it, because you do him the favor of sliding yourself onto his half hard cock without so much as another word. It’s still not enough for him, but it sates him better than before at least. He wraps his arms around you hard and squeezes tight. Just for a little while.

He scowls a little as he looks up at you, sobering up enough to form a sentence after spending some time hugging you. “Have you cum yet?”

“Don’t worry about it, baby.”

“Shut up,” He replies with no bite and a scowl. Another flush crawls across his face. “I can make you feel good too.”

You raise your eyebrow.

“Sounds like you’re declaring war not trying to give me an orgasm. I’m glad I made you feel good though,” You add cheekily. He flusters immediately, instinctively getting aggressive but not wanting to shove you off of him even as you break out into a fit of laughter.

“Fuck off. I d-don’t feel good doing that weird shit with you. I only do it because - “

You interject. “Because you love me? That’s a better reason to you? How sweet Haru.”

He frowns deeply.

“Be quiet, you—don’t put words in my mouth, damn it.”

“Pfft, okay. I’m sorry. I hope I’m not pushing you too much.”

He huffs a little, pouting as he goes back to pressing his cheek to your skin. His voice is a touch softer than it was before.

“I don’t do things for bullshit reasons. Stupid.”

“I’m glad, then. Even so, you had a tough time today hm? So I’ll let you fuck me as much as you like. Just do whatever you feel like.”

“I wanna…return to the favor or whatever.” He says after thinking on it. “Just… wanna make you feel good too. Like….” His voice goes small “…You make me feel. Or whatever.”

You smile at him. He can feel it, not see it. He’s avoiding looking at your face since he’s sure you’re all goofy and loveydovey.

“The floor is all yours. No rush though okay? I like spoiling you and we’ve got all night.”

Sakura scowls, casting his gaze down at the bedroom floor. “….I love you.”

You smile and press another kiss to his head. He feels so content he wants to die. Your reply comes easily anyway.

“I love you too, Haruka.”

#piss cw #writing tag #sakura x reader #sakura smut #windbreaker x reader #windbreaker smut #tbh this is not worth tagging its simply too niche but who cares

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inkskinned · 1 year

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im gonna start a fight; and, at the same time, i need you to take this in the most good-faith way possible, but:

videos that involve body-checking and intentionally (and uncritically) show a mealplan of an unhealthy number of calories are just a revamped version of pro-ana food diaries.

and yeah, i know there's arguments. i address some of them under the cut. but at the end of the day, we're just coming back to romanticizing mental illness; we've just found a better platform for it.

this is already something we've done. we knew it was wrong and tried to stop it. and tbh. it just wasn't enough.

there are people who argue "well, what if you have an eating disorder, you can't help it if you don't eat!" except that as someone with an ED; we are not infants. we know what we're doing. part of having an ED is that you are like, maybe too self-aware. even if we can't help our own food choices, we don't need to fucking romanticize the disorder - something we've been warning you about since 2013. there are hours of setup, filming, and editing that go into these videos. they do not happen to fall into place randomly. there is a reason they are pieced together to be beautiful, bright, inspiring.

there's this woman who pretty much only posts daily plans under a normal amount of calories, and everyone defends her saying but it's better than nothing! and i'm like. except she opens those with images of her showing off her body and provides no context in the video or caption that suggests that she believes what she's doing is unhealthy. she has hundreds of thousands of followers on a platform designed for young kids and teens. i refuse to believe that by accident her content just happens to be cheery advice on "healthy" versions of starving.

for any other symptom of mental illness, we would be incredibly enraged by this kind of placid acceptance of a "tips and tricks" fast-start guide. imagine if people posted pink & pretty videos saying "best places to cut yourself" as if it was a fucking storytime. we, as a society, are so fucking fatphobic that we would rather accept blatantly harmful displays of self harm than admit that we are obsessed with a hyper-thin body type.

i am not suggesting someone never talks about their disorder. i talk about mine. actually, it's a plot point in my book.

here's the difference: i recognize it's a fucking mental illness. i am very careful to never mention a specific weight, eating pattern, or calorie plan. i always make sure to position it as something that ruined my fucking life. i do not put cheery music in the background and hearts and sparkles over my worst moments. i do not film it in bright light. i do not start each passage with an image of a thin body followed by "here's how to look like her."

eating disorders should not be framed as aspirational. and the problem is that society worships the "after" image, so long as you don't get too sick. there is a reason so many people who quit being "influencers" will later admit - i wasn't eating well that whole time; an obsession with food was completely destroying my life.

we let any uncredited, uncertified person write the most backwards, fucked up shit about how to get the body you desire! because the underlying, secret belief is: well, at least they're thin! and the real thing that fucking gets me each time - they make fucking money off of it. their irresponsibility and societal harm literally pays off for them.

"why do you care so much." "don't like it don't look." "so what if people experiment with new ways of thinking of food?"

thank you for asking. we're about to get extremely personal. it's because when i was 18 i discovered "thinspiration"/"thinspo." and it absolutely influenced, shaped, and codified my pre-existing eating disorder. i went from having some troubling habits and traits to being incredibly unwell within what felt like a matter of days. there were actual pages designed to train me on how to have an ED correctly. it was all so suddenly easy. i was sick; and the nature of the illness meant - i wanted to be sicker.

it takes an average of 7 years for a person to fully recover. i know this personally - even now, 10 years from the worst of it, i still fucking struggle. i am so much happier now and i eat what i want and i literally don't think about food at all (19 year old me would shudder) and yet - i still fucking know the calories of plain toast with butter.

an eating disorder is one of the deadliest types of mental illness. over 1 in 4 people with an ED will attempt suicide.

and i'm sorry. i just do not see the exchange rate of "high rate of engagement" versus "the value of a human life."

#and there's something else in there about like ....#tbh once i got over something like 1k followers #i stopped being specific about my ED for a REASON.#yes on ur personal locked blog that u use like a diary go ahead etc #but we are OBVIOUSLY not talking about that. we're talking about the sheer NUMBER of people i could be talking about #in that one paragraph. that you and i probably were thinking about 2 different influencers #bc they get to say that they're just posting FITNESS and if it's FITNESS it's OKAY and im like #jesus christ lord almighty #every person in recovery from an ED: this is incredibly dangerous holy shit do you know how much this would have triggered me #each of these ppl: how dare you!!!!!!!!! i am only harming those who WANT to engage with my content!!!!!#their followers: leave them alone !!! they can't help that they make an hours-long choice to frame their disorder as if it was #fucking cottagecore !!!!#like girlie this person needs THERAPY #again! i didn't even have that large of a following before i IMMEDIATELY deleted any specific mention of calories food etc #bc i recognize responsibility and i didnt EVER want to even ACCIDENTALLY encourage this #and im not even GETTING PAID FOR THIS!!!#aND THEY ARE!!!#something something something they know this content makes them money #they don't give a SHIT about u babe

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lord-leclerc · 1 year

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fate or destiny? (charles leclerc)

pairing: charles leclerc x fem! reader

summary: inspired by ceilings by Lizzy McAlpine. I did change a few concepts though.(i didn't include the last part of the song because im going through writer's block and couldn't find a way to join those two plots.)

warnings: fluff, nsfw, mentions of nudity, mentions of sex, angst if you squint.

a/n: first time writing for a real person, please bear with me. also lemme know if you want a part two(please say yes coz it will either be insta au or dad!charles ;))

sighing at the ceiling for the hundredth time in the past thirty minutes, you felt bored out of your mind. Looking around the room, you noticed the little things that you never had before-the plaster on the wall beside the door was worn off, your bedside table had a little dent on the corner, the curtain had a coffee stain from a time you couldn't remember. Time felt like it was moving in slow motion, every waking second a seemingly excruciating long moment. You felt numb. No coherent thoughts running through your mind, you stood up. These vacations, although peaceful, were ruining your peace, your existence being a whirlwind of boredom. Walking around the room, you stopped at the window overlooking the city. You looked out the window and saw you car in the driveway and shrugged-might as well go get groceries.

"Its alright", said the man with a thick accent, picking up your fallen bag.

You only shifted to Monaco last summer and communicating with people with your broken french was hard, yet you still managed to get your work done somehow.

stepping out of the store with hands full of bags, you bumped into a hard chest, apologies spewing out of your mouth like water out of a faucet. "I am so sorry!", you said.

"Want me to help you carry these?", the green eyed boy asked, noticing the amount of bags you had in your hands.

Not wanting to cause anymore troubles for him, you politely denied.

"But you already have so much in your hands, it's alright, just tell me where your car is."

Realising he wouldn't budge, you lead the way to your car and he helped you put all your bags in your car.

"Thank you so much.", you said with a smile.

"you're welcome, ?", he said in a suggesting tone, wanting to catch your name.

"Oh right! I am Y/N.", you extended your hand.

"Its nice to meet you, Y/N. I'm Charles.", he shook your hand, trying not to hold it for too long because of how soft your skin was.

As mesmerised as him, you blurted out your next words without any second thoughts.

"Hey, how about I get you a coffee? both as a thank you drink and an apology?"

One look at his dimpled smile and you knew, you knew you were doomed.

that one coffee date turned into two, then three and now four. Sitting on one of the benches in the local garden, you both enjoyed the slightly gloomy yet happy weather. The cool wind brushed against your skins, making you shiver which in turn made Charles tuck you under his arm, your head on his shoulder. You sat there in a comfortable silence, feeling like having known each other for an eternity even though it had only been a few weeks. You both embraced the warmth radiating from one another's body, that is, until you felt the cool touch of the water droplets against your warm flesh. You both sat there, not caring about the rain, just melting in each other's company until the rain became too heavy.

Your giggles echoed through the now empty garden as you ran, hand in hand with Charles, towards the gazebo in the center of the place. You were both dripping with water from head to toe by the time you reached the gazebo, but the rain was so heavy that water still found its way to you from the little spaces in between the grills of the roof and the pillars. Deciding you won't be able to do anything about it now, you just shook your heads and chuckled. Still hand in hand, Charles pulled you to him, trailing his other hand down your arm and interlacing his fingers with your own, he leaned down to rest his forehead on yours. Both of you were breathing heavily. Maybe it was because you ran here or maybe it was because of the sudden drop in the temperature. Or, maybe, it was due to your sheer closeness. Charles trailed his hand back up your arm, up your neck and finally buried his fingers in your hair , making you inhale sharply. Your eyes fluttered close as he leaned your head back to take a better look at your face. To him, you looked ethereal. Cheeks a rosy shade from the cold, hair all wet and in all places, eyes closed with little puffs of air leaving your lips, oh those lips. How badly he wanted to taste them, to feel those lips against his own and swallow every next breath that leaves them. He leaned in ever more, to the point where you could feel your breath mingling with his, making your insides feel all tingly. As he brushed his lips against yours, she gasped, bringing your hands up to his sides and fisting his hoodie in them with your eyes still closed.

"Can I kiss you?", he asked in a whisper, making you open your eyes instantly.

Staring into his green hues, you nodded. He looked down at your mouth again, which flooded your stomach with butterflies and anticipation as you watched him.

"Words, Y/N. I need words."

You sucked a deep breath in and nodded again, "yes."

"Yes, what?", his lips brushed against yours with every word that came out of his mouth.

"Yes, you may kiss me, Charles."

He didn't need to be asked twice. Like a starving man, he connected his mouth with yours, swallowing your gasp. He kissed you with his entire being and you returned the kiss with the same burning passion. You kissed under the rain for what felt like forever before finally breaking apart for some air, making him chase your lips again before shaking his head and chuckling, resting his head on yours again. He just couldn't get enough of you.

As for you? You knew he was a Formula 1 driver, you knew he wouldn't be able to give you as much time and you knew all the things that came along with being the girlfriend of a celebrity and a sportsperson, but that didn't stop you. You were willing to give this a chance, to give him a chance because you couldn't get enough of him either.

The room was a mess of muffled gasps and moans and tangled bodies and ripped clothes.

"Charles", you gasped, your eyes rolling to the back of your head as he mouth trailed kisses down your body. Your hands in his hair while his were on your hips, to keep you stable. He made his way up your body again and whispered, "oui, mon ange?", kissing the spot just behind your ear.

As he hovered over you, you looked into his eyes and wrapped your arms around his neck before placing your lips against his.

"Please.", you said and again, he didn't need to be asked twice.

Breathing heavily, he collapsed on you. You wrapped your arms around him and kissed his forehead before turning the both of you over so you were now laying on top of him and traced circles on his chest while placing small kisses against his neck.

"Are you okay, ma belle?", he whispered before placing a kiss on your head. You just hummed in response, too tired to even say something in response. Charles lazily rubbed his hand up and down your back while gently placing his lips against the skin of your shoulder, lulling you to sleep. As you laid there in his arms, he was the only one you could feel, the only one you could think about, the only one you could hear. He had enveloped you completely- body, mind, heart and soul. When he was with you, nothing else mattered-heck, you didn't want anything else to matter. It was him and only him and you would do anything to keep it that way.

Your mouth itched to say all this to him, to say those three words and you would've, but you didn't wanna ruin the moment by saying something he might not feel. Perhaps it was too early, since it had only been one and a half month but loving is something you can't control. You don't see the time or place, it just happens. You laid there, tangled with him, your body and heart at peace but your mind was full of chaos, full of all the words you ached to say to him, but perhaps words wouldn't be enough, so you did one thing which you hoped would convey everything you were feeling to him- you kissed him and he returned it with the same passion.

Both you and Charles were very happy that you both went to get groceries that day. Call it fate or destiny, you wouldn't be here if you hadn't been bored out of your damn mind that day. As horrific as it had been, you were thankful you bumped into the green eyed stranger and dropped your bags that day. Because now you don't know how to live without said stranger and couldn't imagine a life without him.

"I'll miss you, mon ange.", he said while pulling up to your apartment.

You rolled your eyes at his dramatic self.

"You'll see me tomorrow, Charles."

"Yeah, but tomorrow is so far. Comment vais-je vivre sans toi jusque-là?, he sighed. how will i live without you till then.

"I don't think you remember but I don't understand french to that extent so I would really like if you translate it for me."

"Nothing, belle.", he smiled before taking your hand and kissing your knuckles one by one.

You tried to pout but failed miserably. All you were capable of doing around this man was smile.

As the car came to a stop, your mind fumbled with the various possibilities of what would happen if you say those three words. Would he say it back? Would he get upset? What if he doesn't say anything? Fuck it-what will happen, will happen. He is going for 2 weeks straight this time and you'll loose your mind keeping it to yourself till then.

"Charles?"

"Oui? Is everything okay?", he asked, picking up the nervousness in your voice.

"No, Charles. Everything is not okay! How could it be when you're by my side? You make me so nervous, yet so happy. You're the only one I think about all day, the only one I can feel, I can hear. You make me a better version of myself and- and I feel like spending every waking moment of my day with you! I've never felt this strongly for anyone before and it scares me but I'll loose my damn mind if I don't get this out of my system today but I-", you paused your frustrated rant and took a deep breath before averting your gaze from the window behind his head to his green orbs.

"Je t'aime, Charles.", your voice barely a whisper.

He just looked at you. And for a moment, you were afraid. Afraid that maybe he'll just smile and say nothing, or maybe he will just tell you to go or maybe he will say that things are moving too fast or-

Out of all the things you expected, him grabbing your neck and yanking you forward was definitely not it. You gasped as he connected his lips with yours in a hungry kiss. He was rough, wanting to swallow all of you. Tongues wrestling and teeth clashing, he kissed you like he never had before and you struggled to keep up with him.

"Je t'aime tellement, mon amour. You have no idea how much. I've been itching to say these words to you but I didn't want to scare you off.", he whispered against your lips.

Slowly, you opened your eyes to find him already looking at you. You chuckled at the irony. How you were afraid to tell him only to find out he was just as scared.

"What?", he smiled.

You just shook you head and placed a kiss on the corner of his mouth.

"Come to the race with me?", he asked. "After this, I don't think I'll survive two weeks without you."

You happily nodded your head, "Thought you'd never ask.". He just chuckled and kissed you once again.

"You were wrong, by the way.", he said making you furrow your brows in confusion.

"You do know how to speak french and it sounds even more beautiful coming out of that pretty mouth of yours.", he winked while staring at your lips.

You slapped his chest, "Flirt." He grabbed your hand and held it against his chest.

"But I'm your flirt", he wiggled his eyebrows making you blush.

"I wanna fuck you so bad.", he said against your neck.

"Alors qu'attendez-vous?", you decided to put your french lessons to some use. then what are you waiting for?

He bit your neck and cursed under his breath. Suddenly, he got out of the car and moved around it to open your door. He helped you out of it and grabbed your hand before hurriedly making his way towards the elevator of your apartment. As soon as the elevator reached your floor, he was dragging you out of it and towards your door, demanding for you to open it. The moment you closed the door behind you, you were pinned to the wall beside the door and it was on. It would be a long night.

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celestialomnipotence · 1 year

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Sun & Moon X Child! Reader

TWs: Hints of abuse/Child neglect (if I need to add more, I will later on)

Note from Kyo- I made this so people can see an idea of how I write! This is my first time properly doing this so please dont be too harsh on me, I mostly do this in hopes of bringing comfort to those who get them from reading stories with things the go through.

Sypnosis: A (NB) child is left at the daycare and all the kids seem to not want to be around them. Which causes the kid to become more and more distressed and lonely, until the daycare attendant approaches them!

Your parents had dropped you off at the daycare very early today… Your father had already gone off to work and your mother was grumpily dragging you into the cursed place.. Well it wasnt exactly cursed, you very much enjoyed being at the daycare when your parents were at work! You only protested against it though because of the other kids ‘being mean’. To which you only earned eye rolls and were told to just deal with it… And what soon shut you up about the whole ordeal was when your mother snapped at you, yelling at you to shut up about the kids there and just deal with it, you were getting dropped off there whether you liked it or not.

So here you were.. In such a giant and colorful play area. Kids were running around, screaming, playing, coloring… Yet you were just standing there awkwardly. Should you try to play with the other kids? Would it hurt again if you tried?

You only took a shaky breath as you went to where some kids were playing tag. You wanted to join in quite a lot so you quickly ran to a kid and asked, “Hey can I join?-“ To which the kid immediately laughed at you. “You again?? No! Leave us alone freak!” The kid giggled as he ran off and you only stood their dumbfounded. You seriously ran into the rudest kid on your first try. After a few seconds you moved to the wall, should you try again?

Well you did. This time you ran to kids playing hide and seek. They had just started a game too which was perfect! “Hey can I join?” This little girl gave you a curious look but you noticed how distant her eyes looked at the same time. “Oh yea sure-.. Um- Ill count an extra… 20 seconds for you-“ You had nodded excitedly at that and already ran off. Going straight into the play structure and hiding in your favorite spot.

And there you sat for what felt like forever… And ever.. And ever… They werent looking for you.. Were they?

Thats when you felt tears well up in your eyes as you buried your head in your knees…

Then you heard someone coming near you in the structure. Oh great now another kid would call you a cry baby.

That was until you heard the voice. “Oh my goodness! Why are you crying little one?” You looked up at the cheery sun that some how fit inside the structure. “O-oh!- I-im- Im ok-“ You stuttered in a hurry as you wiped your tears away. Even though the Suns face was a constant smile, he approached you a little cautiously until he managed to sit right in front of you. Sure he was meant to be happy and entertain kids while the lights were on, but there was a little bit of code in him that told him what to do with upset kids. Plus he has already experienced seeing kids who had gotten abused before!

“Would you like to tell me whats wrong little one?” Sun had asked while letting his head rotate some to one side, maybe a bit more than he intended. You debated telling him.. Would he get upset like your parents did..? No, he was such a happy Sun! But still, should you trust him…?

You hesitantly spoke up. “W-well.. I tried to play with all the other kids again… They just left me out again and said mean things.” Sun left out a gasp that you could determine if it was real or for dramatics. “How rude of them! Well what did you want to play little one?” “.. Tag-.. And hide and seek-… But now I just want someone to play with me. That wont just leave me alone.” Sun seemed to think for a moment, tapping hid non-existent chin. “How about we play together then! Ill give you all the special attention you deserve! We can finger paint, play with crafts, or with glitter glue! Whatever you want!”

You couldnt help but giggle a bit at his enthusiasm.. And at the idea of getting all his attention.

And well, if Sun could have grinned wider, he would have. “Can we play with the paints?” You asked to which the Sun immediately, somehow, nodded. “Of course! Lets go now little one!” He held his hand out to you which you immediately took.

Then there you were, finger painting, putting googley eyes on each other, and having so much fun. You almost completely forgot about what had happened early. Soon enough, Sun told you he would have to go away soon and Moon would come out to put all the kids to bed.

You nodded at that and let out a small yawn. Maybe you would nap this time.. You had so much fun so of course you would be tired.

And when Moon finally came out, all of the kids hurried to bed while you were quickly finishing your fingerpainting you were working on some how behind Suns back.

Moon soon enough went up to you. “Naughty naughty.. You know you shouldnt be painting, its nap time.” You were quick to nod at him but then you held on your painting.. Which was one of you, Sun and Moon holding hands. Moon stared at the painting.. Or what you assumed was staring before he slowly grabbed it. He hadnt had any special experiences with you yet you still added him..?

“Thank you little one but you still have to sleep.” You nodded as he continued to speak. “Ill hang this up in our room and then help you to bed, ok?”

You nodded and then Moon… Floated? Flied away? It was too dark for you to tell anyways so you went right over to an area where you could cuddle up…

And soon Moon got over to you, only to find you already passed out under your blanket. Moon watched you for a few seconds before pulling the blanket all the way up and moving some hair out of your face.

Kyo- Well… This was my first attempt at something, hope you enjoyed :)

Id like to think Sun has kept you in his database and whenever your there, you get a special bit of attention to make sure you arent too lonely or left out!

#fnaf security breach #fnaf #fnaf sb x child reader #fnaf x child reader #fnaf sun x child reader #nb reader #fnaf moon x child reader #security breach daycare attendant #fnaf daycare attendant

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headspace-hotel · 2 years

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a friend of mine said that the environment would be better if everyone lived in cities and basically left the rest of the natural world alone... i felt like there was something wrong with that argument but i really dont know enough about it to have a real point against it. i might be biased though cause i love being around nature and want to be able to live rural without killing the environment? idk im just wondering if she's right and how to live in a way that isnt negatively impacting the world

love your blog btw, it's been the thing that's helped me understand ecology for once

the idea that humans Are Bad for the ecosystem—not that particular activities or practices have particular negative effects, that just humans existing harms the environment—is in fact the worst idea ever

I mean, first of all, where does your friend think food comes from?

"Food" is one of the problems. It's one of a lot of problems. Some other problems include "all other natural resources besides food" and "human rights."

It's not just your friend, this kind of thing has been suggested in varying ways by self identified "leftists" a bunch of times, and I genuinely hope they're mostly random laypeople who can't really be expected to know more than they can learn from being terminally addicted to Twitter, because otherwise I will call them "dumber than a sack of hammers" in those exact words.

No offense to your friend. Your friend is a laypeople. And sadly, non-experts end up with ass-backwards ideas about how conserving the environment works, because of all this commonplace nonsense about humans being a cancer upon the planet. I'm not angry about those people, just sad.

But my serious answer is—The world's most intact and best managed ecosystems are found on land owned and managed by Indigenous people, who do what with the land?

LIVE ON IT.

And these groups of people learned to manage and care for the land how?

BY LIVING ON IT.

Conventional (white, Western) intuition holds that human management of an ecosystem should reduce biodiversity, but what science shows—I mean what study and observation and data and more study and more observation and more data shows—is that indigenous land management practices can do better than Nature can on her own.

I mean, for one thing, if you don't live in a place, you don't observe it every day. You don't see how the ecosystem and its inhabitants change over time. You can't learn about it, and therefore you don't know about it.

Disconnection from nature is ignorance about nature and ultimately apathy towards nature, and that's the worst and most disrespectful thing we can do.

And like I hope it's clear that even in the imaginary scenario where everyone lives in a city, even if this was possible (it's not), the city dwellers who are separate from nature are living a silly little lie. You're part of the ecosystem. Don't like it? Go become a rock in space.

The electrical signals moving through your brain right now are rays of sunlight that were soaked up by a plant that grew in dirt. Do you know fruit? Do you enjoy fruit? I enjoy fruit, I'm drinking a smoothie right now! That fruit y'all love so much was pollinated by a bug.

A bug did that for you! Because you're family! Because you're part of this world, because you belong to this intricate and ancient community of living things that need each other, that were shaped by evolution to need each other, and nature cannot abandon you.

But more on the cynical side of things, even if you don't know where the hell a berry grows or how, someone has to grow and harvest and ship that berry to you, someone who has to live somewhere, and you should care who is doing it and how they're being treated and paid, and ultimately you should want for them the same things you want for you.

Urban life is just rural life with extra steps my friend.

Like, @ all the "put everybody in cities" crowd, what is the plan here? Fancy ass indoor aquaponics systems notwithstanding, we're not technologically at a point where we can just, like, build giant multi-story factory buildings where we grow food under special lamps, and even being at that point wouldn't make it a good idea. With all the hype about solar power, you'd think people would look at plants (have been using solar power just fine for like a billion years) and think, "Neat how those things can just make food when you stick 'em in the sunshine."

I'm sorry, I'm never going to be psyched about technological innovations that are like "We took a plant and put it inside."

There is so much I could say here. The brainrot in the wake of "cottagecore" discourse where a bunch of well meaning white people got convinced that farming was racist. The idea that rural people are somehow more complicit in colonialism than urban people, and that rural land is, I don't know, landier than urban land, and the correct and moral thing to do if you live on stolen land is to....what? Live on land that has a protective layer of concrete in between it and your racist feet?

Land ownership is a whole fucked up beast, but you're not cultivating a non-exploitative relationship with land by living in a city. There's just extra steps in between you and the land.

"Homesteading" as seen on cottagecore boards on Pinterest has a lot of white supremacist wet dream mixed in, but listen: It is not only okay, but GOOD, to want to live in close relationship with the land, with the food you eat, with the trees and plants that fill your lungs when you inhale. It's IMPORTANT. It's VITAL.

What has to change is that this relationship can't be based on ownership and dominance. Ecosystem is community and that ain't it.

My ancestors were colonizers, the land I live on right now was violently stolen, the ecosystem that once was very carefully managed so that it flourished with life was ravaged, and I don't even know the names of most of the life-forms that ought to be here. What now?

You belong to the ecosystem that takes care of you. You can't wash your hands of this and run away.

I feel like I'm getting off topic, but it's very much on topic actually. What I hope for the future is that we would stop entertaining the silly little lies that imagine we can just...opt out of participation in something that is underneath our every footstep and in our every breath. It would make us feel pure, but it wouldn't be real.

I do think that forcing people off the land that is their home is bad, in general. I don't think those people have to be indigenous for this to be bad—and successfully claiming otherwise is a bit of conundrum, since as far as I know, the political and social phenomenon of indigenous identity has a lot to do with the being forced off your land thing.

Obviously people like me don't have the same deeply central cultural relationship to the land, but the "we should all just go live in cities and leave nature to itself" proposal implies that such relationships are unnecessary or even bad.

I've said this before but I find it weird when environmentalists accommodate indigenous ways of life in their visions of the ideal future as like...a special exception granted because it's like, the nice thing to do for a historically marginalized and violently oppressed group. Not because there is value or merit in those ways of life. Like "Oh I guess indigenous people should be allowed to hunt because it's part of their culture" ????? And it's part of their culture because...why?

Maybe because it's a sustainable way of doing things and has been for millennia???

Like don't listen to me, look at the research, indigenous folks participating in ecosystems and managing them worldwide know what they're doing and the rest of the world should be looking to them as examples. Key word here is participating, because you can't competently manage an ecosystem with your head all the way up your ass with the idea that you're somehow not part of it.

Humans aren't a cancer upon the planet. It's capitalism and colonialism. It's the practice of seeing the world as a disposable resource to be exploited.

Humans lived in the place I called home for 15,000 years. Within the past 200 years, almost every forest was razed to the ground, and almost every large animal extirpated or damn near to it.

"Humans" did that! These humans are so terrible!

But I have to remember.

There are descriptions of this place from before that, and they describe a lush, teeming heaven-like paradise that the adjectives provided by English trembled to capture, so perfect and bountiful that the observers assumed this land was never tainted by Adam's sin.

Humans did that, too.

#ecology

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galaxywarp · 2 months

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What do you do when you're in a bad headspace and can get out and it affects friendships and they start leaving you and you're alone and have no idea what to do and you think life and yourself can't improve

It was a slow and grueling process but my friendships finally started genuinely improving only after I worked my ass off to learn how to comfort myself. Because I could never truly get the comfort and relief I was looking for in other people and trying to was just setting us all up to fail.

Little tangible things I’ve done over the course of several long months that have added up to feeling kind of better:

-I go out of my way to thank myself when I do something nice for myself, no matter how small. I started with bagging up a single bag of trash. I placed my hand over my heart and said hey thanks for doing that. It felt gross and fake. I did it even if it felt gross and fake. It stopped feeling so gross and fake eventually.

-if im spiraling i try to pick my next activity based on the outcome i want. If I pick up my phone, what am i looking for? Humor to distract me? Something to read? Do I want to write about how im feeling? Listen to a song about how im feeling?

-say “thanks for listening” instead of “sorry for venting” to your loved ones.

-leave traces of your own existence for yourself. Pictures. Notes. Drawings. If you have a thought and a notebook just write it down. It helps me feel more like a real person when I leave evidence behind that im here. It’s also comforting to be able to help recall memories and feelings that are blurry with time.

-find something cheap and dumb that makes you happy. I like bouncy balls that you can get for a quarter from those machines and the little tiny toy slinkies that they sell at my grocery store. These things serve no purpose but to be fun to hold and throw around and eventually lose

-try to remember that good days don’t have to be filled with excitement or joy. A good day can maybe just mean that today you didn’t feel as much despair as yesterday. Contentment with neutrality instead of seeking euphoria

-everything cycles. Mood tracking can help me remember that. I have weeks where I feel so sad that im sure I’ve never felt anything except sad but then I look and a journal entry from last month says that I had a few pretty good days in a row actually. And I’ll have a few pretty good days in a row again eventually

hang in there.

#asks

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chipchopclipclop · 7 months

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i have finished death mark 2...... thoughts.....

general thoughts is the overall story was.... BAD. LOL.

I'll start with the good. The interactions between Yashiki and alot of the returning cast i really liked, the writing especially in the first few chapters. An example being alot of Yashiki and Daimon's chatter, especially the whole weight of saving lives things that comes back at the end, alot of it was quite sweet and heartwarming similarly between him and other mark bearer characters.

^^^ BEST CG EVARRRRR....

I liked the choice of Hiroo and Mashita being the two that come in when he's at his lowest, their curtness and refusal to take his attitude was really refreshing, felt really like what he needed at the time lol. In that same vein i enjoyed his characterization alot in the early-mid game, and how it develops. He's such a sensitive guy lollll and it comes through well with how much he cares but near the latter chapters it kind of.... sours.

Though there were a few new characters i liked his interactions with, Abe and Maruhashi specifically i found endearing of the new cast, Alot of them just Die. Or theyre Hime and Michiho AKA the bane of my fucking existence with this game.

They are the two pushed front and center and it is truly its worst aspect, as characters they're shallow personality wise and though you could say that about others in the cast, them being in love with Yashiki on top of it makes it so much worse.

They barely have any scenes where they actually properly interact and feel like they bond at all but for some reason im expected to believe they're suddenly in love with him?? -and in the end they were also dead the whole time, and not even themselves. So it wasn't even real, and somehow any of this is meant to hold any weight to the audience...?? explaining it as the ghosts being desperate for him instead doesnt really make it.. any more compelling (lol the scene at the end where hes like maybe they just wanted those beautiful normal school days they spent by me.... when did that happen yashiki)

I understand Yashiki is probably saddened by the deaths of two young girls but they're treated with so much more weight and gravitas than anyone else in the cast and its so unearned, especially when alot of the other ghosts are somehow way more compelling in that aspect.

He also becomes borderline ooc around them like in what world am i expected to believe he emotionally dumps his burdens on the two highschool girls he barely knows because of how sad he is when hes got like how many other people he knows FROM THE OTHER GAMES he could do that with...????? (AND BASICALLY DOES... ALREADY...?) and it lifts his heart like truly wtf was i reading. HE WOULD NOT FUCKING SAY THAT.JPG

Chapter six is really where it falls off the cliff with this, after hanging out with Hiroo, Mashita and Yasuoka and solving that case they just dissapear from the narrative for a day so he can......... hang out with michiho...?? i couldn't even enjoy murder yashiki in this game because of how ludicrous it felt that the rest of yashiki's companions just dissapeared to make it happen, and no one calls or anything lmfao. I cant imagine how much more compelled i would have felt if he was dealing with that situation with any of the other three around instead of HIME. LIKE I AM ACTUALLY SO INCENSED ABOUT THIS SCENARIO BEING RUINED SO HARD WHEN IT COULD BE SO GOOD BUT I DIGRESS (RIPPING MY HAIR OUT) (CRYING BC I LOVE BLOOD AND HORROR)

Even the first two games weren't as bad as writing women as this!? EVEN IF I HAD TO SEE MASSIVE TITS ON SCREEN THEY WEREN'T TRYING TO JUMP ON YASHIKI AS WELL AS A CENTRAL PLOT POINT (lol kakuya) congrats exp you have outdone yourself with the misogyny.

To continue on the topic of new characters, it feels like so many of them were given so little screen time to make you actually care about them. For how prominent Abe is he barely actually does anything, and Maruhashi instantly dissapears when shes no longer a red herring. On top of this game basically killing off any other character that appears, its hard to get invested in them as characters at all.

You have no opportunities to actually effect their fate as you do in the other two games, so there's even less attempt to immerse you there. Horikoshi comes the closest behind the other two but its because her case with Hanako was easily the strongest and most resonant of the game (lgbt win). Its not even like this is the first time Yashiki saves the lives of kids and bonds with them after, especially with the caveat of being a teacher, like how did you fuck this premise up so bad.

They either needed to commit to more scenes and writing in general to attach you to the new characters or just not have any returning ones show up so prominently if they're not also going to further interact with them.

The overall mystery suffers for it, and while i like the twist of the doll being helpful in this game actually, it is so easy to guess michiho and hime are the departed, and i already didn't even like them so it doesn't hit at all emotionally. Like, i was not feeling very betrayed or anything lol.

Further critiques -> though running around is very fun, the horror in this game really didn't at all compare to the others with the loss of that first person perspective for alot of the exploration, sad.

I also feel like we got more horny shit than we did in NG which is also like lol one step forwards two steps back. Even the gore wasn't as good............... kind of mid in every regard there. I did like the mushroom and scissor stuff, but the bugs and mold ended up just kind of ..... eh...

Mary continues to be the best antag in these games, she slayed and she continues to keep slaying. The sisters were really kind of a letdown in the end, especially since i think i could have enjoyed it if they pulled them off better.

As for my yaoi cocaine score though thats a 10/10 they made yashiki and mashita meow and hiss like cats in this game for some reason, i genuinely think that shattered my mind a little.

I also can't believe they gave us these two panting in unison asmr as well so you could make your own [REDACTED] if you wanted. The departed getting jealous mashita was standing next to him in that one confrontation too like she's calling him a homewrecker..... lol...... also the part where mashita jokes abt him keeping the gun and if you make yashiki go 'then i will 😇' and him immediately backpedaling like okay i was kidding. give it back. very moe very powerful.

I feel like the entire time mashita was on screen he was basically acting as yashiki's brain to keep him from getting too lost in his emotional attachments, truly everyone needs a bitch wife to keep them sane.

TL:DR this game could be so good (average) if it wasn't so fucking badDDDDDDDDDDDD easily the worst entry in this series...... dont buy it unless its on sale for 4 bucks (this applies to every game) or just watch in on youtube lol.

anyway. beautiful yashiki collection. I CANT BELIEVE MASHITA DIDNT GET A BAD END CG ACTUALLY < / 3 BUT YASHIKI'S IS REALLY GOOD < / 3 SMALL WINS < / 3

#chitter chatter #gore warning for cgs and also spoilers for the whole game #i made this post instead of a 3489034890 long thread on my priv twit rejoice #im going to draw yashiki like next week regardless of my shit talking bc hes my oc now

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thequietkid-moonie · 11 months

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Foster Parent comforting them after a nightmare

[ SCENARIO ] [ Kotoko, Nagisa, Masuru, Jataro, Monaca ] [ Danganronpa Ultra Despair Girls ]

⚠️ This contain spoilers about their backstory

They are my babies, I would give the the sun, the moon and the stars if I can ❤️ Anyways, im FINALLY writing for them again!! IM SO HAPPY!!

I don't care what people think or say, I know Monaca suffered a lot too, the fear she felt when she sees Hanji again is REAL!!

Kotoko Utsugui

Kotoko doesn't really like to talk about what happened to her, she gets pretty mad whenever someone or something reminds her about her past, and even so she prefers to act like it she doesn't mind it anymore, what happened in the past it stays on the past, and now that she has someone who cares for her why she will like to remember so disgusting things?

But as much as she tried to forget her trauma still hunt her down from time to times, that fear that exist deep inside her of one day the horrible parents she had will come for her and make her return to her old life (if she still continue going to the drama club she feels insecure about it from time to time too)

Saddly, all the feelings and fears she tries to ignore sometimes come to her as a dream, as a terrible nightmare where no matter how much she call for your name you aren't there, instead she just see her father, who with a big smile congratulate her for her amazing performance and remember her that there is something that she still have to do

Kotoko wake up all scared before something even can happen because she just couldn't handle all of that again, tears already falling from her eyes, her whole body shaking and trying to cover her body while trying to normalize her breathing

It depends on how bad her nightmare was to what she will do next, if it wasn't that bad she will try to calm down by herself, not really wanting to bother you and being anxious about going out of her room, but is more likely that at the end she goes to your room to at least sleep by your side, in the other hand if the nightmare was really bad she won't be able to calm down so she just runs to your room crying almost imediatly, also it could be that she scream while sleeping or when she wakes up what will alert you so you will be the one going to her room

Either way, Kotoko is just crying, she isn't able to explain what happened and she doesn't want to talk about it either (she even almost scream at you if you ask her about the nightmare just because she is scare), she just want to be in your arms, she just want to know that she is with you and that you won't let those perverts touch her again, if Kotoko manage to say something will be to either ask you to please hold her or to ask you if you will let that people reach her

Kotoko doesn't want to leave your arms so you will have to hold her for a long time until she calm down, as well sweet and soft touches (such as caress her hair or back and small kisses on the forehead) and reasuring her that something like that will never happen again help her calm down faster, still it will take her some time to fall sleep again and there is no way she will do it alone

The next days Kotoko will be more quiet than usual, even a little shy with her head down, she isn't really embarrassed about waking you up is just that the nightmare really affected her, but with some time she will feel better and will go back to her normal self again

Nagisa Shingetsu

Nagisa doesn't really have problems with talking about what happened to him in the past and he even talk about like it isn't nothing or that it doesn't bother him, but in reallity all that he suffered affects him more that even he knows

Nagisa were exposed not just standards too high and a constant rejection but to the effects of drugs in order to make him work more and more, and even when he acts mature deep down he is still searching for the approval of the ones he loves and is startled by the the minimum errors

For being in a house where he is appreciated by just being himself and don't ask him to be perfect or to spend all the night studing the fear of messing things up or even disappointing you hunt him from time to time (not always but it still there), so having a nightmare related to it isn't totally strange

Dreaming about his father and all that he went through it doesn't really affect him, it bothers him and it startle him, but aside from that he doesn't have much troubles with it, is dreaming about you being disappointed of him what makes him afraid, you being mad, disappointed or even calling him a failer is what makes him afraid, is that what will make him anxious, desperate trying to explain himself and apologize for his error, even promising that it isn't going to happen again and he wil make it up for it (but if you don't seem to wanting to heard him that will lead him to a panic attack)

When Nagisa is finally able to wake up he is afraid and sweating, he may even jump a little in his bed, he is so nervous that he is even disoriented, it take him a moment to start to calm down and realice that he is in his room, that everything was just a dream, even so he isn't fully calm

The last thing he wants is to bother you (specially if the nightmare really affected him), so Nagisa tries to calm down, repeating himself that everything was just a dream and that you aren't like that, you'd told him a million of times that you don't expect perfection from him

He may be able to calm down enough to try to go back to sleep once again, but if the nightmare was specially scary or it affected him a lot he won't be able so he just goes out of bed and take a walk around the house, maybe a glass of water could help him calm down. He doesn't really want to wake you up, even if he know that you won't be mad for it the memory of your bothered expression and voice of his nightmare make him anxious, he doesn't want to see it in real life

Its okay if you find him in the middle of the night in the kitchen or you see him until the morning, Nagisa doesn't really craves for direct comfort he just need the reasurance that you aren't mad or dissapointed of him, so for him is okay just continuing with your normal routine (although he will be more talktive and clingy, like quietly asking for the parental love and comfort)

He doesn't want to talk about his nightmare, so even if you insist the most you will get from him is admitting that he had a nightmare, he not just doesn't care for it but he is a little embarrassed of needing/wanting comfort, so if you try he will complain at little at first but totally accept it (specially if is a hug)

Masuru Daimon

Masuru normally don't talk about the abuse he suffered from his father mainly because he doesn't see a point on doing so, and since now he has a home and a parent that always welcome him with open arms he doesn't see why he should remember the bad past with the demons

Also, his past doesn't affect him directly, it makes him pretty aggresive from time to time but it is something he can change, he is just bother by it when he remember it but aside from that he normally just act as the energetic child he is

For Masuru to have a nightmare about his past of abuse is more likely to have been triggered by something during the day, something that had make him nervous or remember him about it. His new house is one where he is more free and appreciated, and even if he can desesperate you from time to time you never really decided to hit him, so having a nightmare where is again with the abusive father he had is pretty shocking for him and he doesn't like it, he want to be where he isn't attacked, he want to be with you so even in his nightmare he is searching for you, but you aren't anywhere, what makes him more an more desperate

When Masuru finally manage to wake up he is shaking and sweating, still it depends in how bad his dream was to how he will react, if it wasn't too bad he just wake up scare but still he will try to calm down, while if his nightmare were really bad even after waking up (probably with a little scream) he is so afraid that even will have a panic attack. But in both cases he is pretty scare and is pretty loud while trying to calm down (specially in a panic attack because he tend to self harm), so is more likely he ends up waking you up for the noises and you go to his room

When you enter in his room/knock on his door he is immediatly startled but by recognizing you his tears start to fall from his eyes because as much as he like to act all rough and brave, deep down he knows that he doesn't have to fear when he is with you, also it depend in how scare he is to his next move, either asking you what are you doing there or running to your arms, but it doesn't matter much his reaction because he wants your comfort

Is probably that Masuru start to have a panic attack, depending in how scare he was and he will try to hit himself to make him calm down unless you guide/teach him another way to be able to calm down (a less aggresive way), as well that he is able just cry into your arms depend in your relationship and how much he trust you, otherwise he will be trying to convice you that he isn't scare at all

However, not matter how much the nightmare affected him at the next morning Masuru return to his normal self and just be cheerful since the morning (but if the nightmare was really bad he will be a little startled when he does something wrong or you seem mad for a while)

Jataro Kemuri

Jataro has been treated so poorly for all his life, not just for his mother but his friends used to treat him bad too, so it take him a long time to get used to being with someone that truly cares for him and loves him just for being him

Jataro doesn't has any problem with talking about his past of abuse, although he talk about it like if it is something normal for how used he is to it, he just repeat what his mother used to tell him (especially when he start to take a liking for you because he doesn't want to hurt you with his horrendous appearance)

As he slowly start to get more used to and comfortable with your kindness towards him it will be a while where he is more nervous about making you mad, being insecure of himself thinking that he won't be enough or that he will end up making you mad (he kinda expected it as something that will obviously happen)

For him to have a nightmare related to this is more likely to be caused because something through the day trigger him and is more common to happen when he is just getting used to his new life, it could be that he is with his mother, either that thinking that being with you was all just a dream or some kind or that you had throw him with her again because you don't want him anymore, also it could be with you the dream, making you so mad that you start treating him bad like her used to do, and probably even force him to wear the mask once again, or that he end up hurting you still somehow believing what his mother used to tell him

No matter what his nightmare was about he wakes up frighten, it take him a moment to realice where he is and still his anxiety doesn't fully goes away, the more the nightmare scare and affected him the more anxious he will be, leading him to start crying for nervousness and even to compulsive scratching his arms and head

He may not be really loud but is at least enough to alert you, and the moment you approach to him (either entering on the room or knocking on the door) he is immediatly startled and just stare a moment at you trying to decipher who it is between his anxiety, and when he reconize you he is mixed between wanting to be in your arms and feeling ashame of himself, so he just continue being troubled by his anxiety while saying little apologizes (but don't apologizing for something in concret)

In this ocations Jataro really craves for comfort but he isn't going to really ask for it because he feels ashame, just being able to be in your soft embrace will help him start to calm down and a direct reasurance that you aren't mad at him or that you don't think of him like his mother did comfort him a lot

He isn't completely sure if he will be able to fall sleep alone again but he is willing to try just because he doesn't want to bother you, but if you don't mind he will be happy for you to stay with him until he falls sleep (and will sleep with you only if you insist)

The next day he will still be a little nervous, not wanting to bother you with his presence so he will be a little quiet for a while, until he feel completely sure that he isn't bothering you

Monaca Towa

It isn't easy for Monaca to trust in someone, she could be acting all happy and charming and even calling you her parent already but deep down she isn't fully used to his new life and even a little wary of you, is just that she goes carefuly, little by little

And as just as she doesn't fully trust you she isn't going to talk about what happened to her right away, she even cover it saying that Monaca was really loved by everyone (more specifically in her school) and that everyone wanted to be her friend, and even when she feel completely comfortable with you she doesn't know if she will tell you the truth

For her to have a nightmare related to this isn't really common, or at least no to be enough to truly frighten her, so is more likely during the day something trigger her and/or she is specially anxious. Her nightmare could vary, being about her abusive family, by just being there with them again and you were nowhere to seem, or even worst that you are the one leaving her with them or even mocking her for trusting you and starting to act like how her family used to do, ignoring her and even calling her a pest

When she finally wakes up she is really nervous and even sweating a little, her past afect her more that she likes to admit so having to relive it in a nightmare isn't something good for her, she is looking everywhere a little disoriented and really startled by it, still it doesn't take her long to realice that she is safe in her room, the room you designed for her and she was free to decorate at her taste, just that is really comforting for her and since she doesn't really make much noises while calming down it isn't a reason why you will know about it

However, it actually will affect her much more the nightmare if you are the one on the nightmare, she tries to make it seem like it doesn't bother her and that is nothing but it slowly make her pretty nervous and insecure, going as far as making her almost imposible to properly calm down, so is more likely that she end up going to your room and getting into your bed quietly to at least be by your side, even snuggling to you

Monaca doesn't want to talk about her nightmare nor admit that she was scare, so if you insist enough or she already trust you the more she will do is say that she had a nightmare, not really wanting to give details about it and she doesn't like to make a big deal of it neither

Monaca doesn't exactly ask for comfort but she wouldn't mind receiving it but still she prefer just doing the common things like any other day, from the outside it seems like she isn't bothered at all but deep down she is still a little nervous and will be a little wary not just of you but of her own actions, something that she does almost unconsciously, as well as insisting a little more on helping you in whatever she can or talking with you, even small chats she just need the reasurance that you still care for her

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quintenrosenburgwrites · 5 months

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Okay, I know it's probably been said before but I am a BIG fan of how the different coping mechanisms of the main characters of The Amazing Digital Circus are portrayed. Like, it seems like a lot of the main characters could be described through how they cope with the idea that their actions don't matter. (I JUST WANNA SAY HERE THAT THESE ARE ALL JUST MY INTERPRETATIONS! IM NO EXPERT, JUST A STORYTELLING NERD) (SPOILERS FOR TADC EP 1 AND 2)

Ragatha plays along, seeing Cain's games as a way to practice escapism. She pretends her problems don't exist, and actively avoids confronting them (Like how there's clearly still SOME kind of tension after Pomni ran instead of helping her, but she says it's fine). She doesn't try to change things because she believes things CAN'T be changed.

Jax just does whatever he wants, because if his actions don't matter in the long run, why shouldn't he? He also practices escapism, but in a very different way from Ragatha. Instead of playing along, he is horrible to the people around him because there aren't any consequences anyways. He also avoids anything he finds stressful, much like Ragatha (He looks upset for a frame before rolling his eyes and walking away when Kaufmo's funeral is mentioned). Both of them refuse to confront their problems, and would much rather ignore them through each of their preferred types of entertainment.

Zooble doesn't really have the energy to participate in Cain's adventures, because their mindset is that if nothing matters, why should they do anything at all? They do put effort into some things, such as setting up Kaufmo's funeral, however so far it's been shown that they prefer not to participate in Cain's activities unless they are actively forced to.

Kinger. Um. I don't know how to describe Kinger if I'm being honest. Same with Gangle. We don't know a lot about either of them yet, but I'm sure other people have some fantastic theories on those two! My personal theory is that they're actually NPCs, because Cain mentioning the risk of mixing up real people and NPCs felt significant. It's kinda a very loose theory though, and it has literally ZERO proof, so

FINALLY, POMNI. I am a HUGE fan of Pomni's characterization! The best way I can describe Pomni is, if she was in a time loop, I imagine that she would, without fail, try to prove that she is a time loop to her friends EVERY loop to try and get their help. She's very clearly struggling a LOT in episode one and the beginning of episode two, but once she actually makes a friend, and later when she realizes that the others DO care, she starts to actually have hope. While the others have less healthy coping mechanisms, the way that Pomni copes with the idea of none of her actions mattering in the long run is, "At least my actions matter to the people around me." Having a support system matters a LOT to her, and I think that's why Pomni is going to be the one to get all of them out of there. The others have given up on escaping, resorting to escapism and/or apathy to cope, but because Pomni copes with her surroundings through her friendships with others, I don't think she'll give up like the others.

Anyways. I love TADC so much. I am SO excited for what's coming up next, and if Gummigoo doesn't come back I'll cry /hj (gummigoo getting eviscerated destroyed me on the inside)

#rant #tadc #the amazing digital circus #ragatha #jax #pomni #zooble #tadc theory #sorta #writing analysis #sorta??#idk #i just had fun with this #character study #again SORTA #tadc spoilers #tadc episode 2

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artist-issues · 2 months

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please trash Marvel's Phase Four with your mad skills, I hate it so much (the Hawkeye TV show was the best thing that came out of it) and Im in the mood to have someone share my rage over it lol

It’s been so long since I’ve seen most of them! Sorry. I’ll try to put my vague disappointments in them from back then into words:

Black Widow: The main problem with this one, if I remember correctly, is that there’s no build-up to Natasha’s connections with her family, or the other Widows. We like and accept Yelena because of the good writing and Florence Pugh’s charm; we like and except her parents for the same reasons—but do we feel for Natasha when she’s figuring out how much to love and worry about them? No. Not like we did when Pepper had to choose to blow up the roof Tony was on in the final battle of Iron Man. Not like we felt when Steve lost Bucky. Why? Because the whole “family,” all the “other Widows,” have no real, human depth to them, and no time for us to see that humanity displayed.

The dad’s a caricature, not a guy we can relate to. So’s the mom. And the other Widows are non-characters; they’re pretty faces representative of a conflict, who can have tragic music played over their death scenes so we remember “why Natasha fights.”

Pepper and Tony fear for each other’s safety and wonder what they are to each other, just like the sisters are supposed to in Black Widow. But we care about Pepper and Tony, because we’ve seen what a day at the office looks like with them. We’ve seen their normal. We’ve seen who they are as people, and how they interact on a normal level—so that when the extreme interactions come, we’re already invested. Black Widow doesn’t have that. It’s “weird caricature group gets turned into weirder super-spies and they spend a few minutes worrying about each other out of nowhere at the climax of the film.” That was my impression of that one. But I only saw it once, and liked it better than the others.

Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings - Normal human moments, but way too much time spent on retroactively revealing layers of backstory. Heres the dad’s backstory. Just kidding, that’s not all of it, here’s some more. And here’s the part you missed. And here’s the backstory of this magical world. Just kidding, here’s some more. And here’s backstory on the main character. Sorry, he forgot to reveal the Big Emotional Part, we saved it for the pre-climax, so have a little more backstory.” You’re so busy keeping all that straight that you don’t have as much capacity leftover to care about the main characters, even if those main characters do have some human moments to appreciate.

Compare it to Thor. Both movies have “hard-to-swallow magical realms existing near the Normal World.” But not both movies set the audience up to accept, believe, and keep up with that. Thor does. Shang-Chi doesn’t.

The whole introduction to Thor carefully tells you the full “outer boundaries,” the hardest stuff to swallow about the magical world of Asgard. And it helps you understand and swallow those things well before you need to be really invested in the emotional reactions of the characters. In the first half of the movie, they neatly go: “Guy walking out of a tornado and getting hit by a car, seemingly impossibly; he must not be normal. Let’s show you why. Ready? Here: 1) Frost Giant war + how this realm relates to the normal world, 2) Asgard & the king’s sons, plus their different motives 3) how the rainbow bridge and Thor’s banishment works. Got it? Back to the Normal Story.”

By the time you’re jettisoned into the Normal World part of the movie, you care, emotionally, about everything Thor and Jane care about, from her losing her lab equipment to him thinking his mother hates him—without having to take breaks in their story to remember how a rainbow bridge works or what the Frost Giants want, etc. But Shang Chi is all over the place, back and forth, up and down, three layers of tragic hard-to-believe backstory on top of each other. …And it delivers all that backstory in bits and pieces, as interruptions to the “normal world” or “present adventure” part of the story.

Plus, the “normal world/present adventure” part isn’t even that good, I’m so sorry to say it. Our previous heroes had normal-human obstacles to overcome, sure, but those relatable obstacles were still severe. Big character flaws that would come back to haunt them. Steve wonders if he’s all alone in his resolve and responsibility—and that keeps coming back up no matter what his circumstances are. Tony wonders if he can ever accomplish his full potential and make up for his past mistakes—and that keeps coming back up, no matter the circumstances.

But you’re telling me I need to not only believe that Shaun and Katy “wonder if they’ll ever take life seriously enough, like adults”—not only believe that—but that after this adventure, that’s the struggle he’ll always have to overcome?

Seems to me it should be something more along the lines of “have mercy instead of controlling everything through conquest like my father.” They kinda tried to do that. But the problem is, it doesn’t connect back to his “relatable human flaw.”

Steve had to realize he wasn’t alone fighting Nazis and Hydra and Thanos—sure—in big moments, like the one where Shaun chooses to spare his father. But guess what? Steve also had to learn to overcome his flaw in little moments, too. He has to realize he’s not alone in waiting for “the right partner;” Peggy is also committed to waiting. He has to choose to believe he’s not alone even though he’s a man-out of-time—by taking an active role in the present, by asking his neighbor out on a date.

Shaun’s little “when am I going to grow up and be an adult” thing only pops up in his human moments. It doesn’t have a parallel in his superhero moments. So then I don’t care as much, or relate as much, to his character.

Because honestly, not every member of the audience can even relate to worrying about that. Only young adults and teenagers. Maybe some 30-40 year-olds. But it’s not a universal thing, like Steve’s broad loneliness or Tony’s broad pride.

Eternals - Without a doubt the most horrifyingly bad MCU movie I ever saw. Worse than Captain Marvel.

I don’t even know where to begin. This movie had no idea what it wanted to be, except a direct smack in the face to anyone who believes that humans should submit to a deity who made them and accept their purpose. Obviously that most closely fits the description of a Christian audience, but this movie really alienated audience members with worldviews that have any monotheistic religious leanings. Or just…audience members with a worldview that values humility, and service, and self sacrifice, and knows that love without this values is not actually love, in general.

The characters have no humanity. They lack depth. There’s a weird fixation on slow suffering and memory loss with Angelina Jolie’s character. Not one character is likeable because we spend barely any time with any of them. Not one is relatable because they do that whole “live for thousands of years” thing, without taking their time and showing us a believable version of ‘what’s normal” to these characters.

And like I said, the message is garbage. It’s appalling.

Spider-Man: No Way Home - This movie was good, I have no notes.

I have a brother who likes to say that the whole first half of the movie is worthless because you only care after the other Spider-Men show up, but I totally disagree, because the point of the movie was “who is (MCU) Peter Parker?” So at the beginning you have him trying to figure that out based on public opinion of Spider-Man and a college;s acceptance of him, and trying to fix his “image” of himself, essentially, so his life can go back to normal. Then by the climax he’s got two other Peter Parkers there, reminding him of what being “Peter Parker” means. You take responsibility to do what you can to help people, no matter what everybody else does. No matter what it costs you. That’s who Peter Parker is.

And they needed to speed-up the maturity level and raise the stakes of their particular version of Peter Parker, because he’s supposed to be a recurring part of this high-stakes universe they created—but they also needed him to return to feeling like a more traditional, “friendly neighborhood” Spider-Man, within that context. And they solved both those problems. And they did it with Andrew Garfield and Toby MacGuire, so I liked this movie, sorry.

Doctor Strange and the Multiverse of Madness - Stupid and wrong.

I have never liked Sam Raimi, but I didn’t have a problem with his editing style or over-the-top drama this time around. I had a problem with the way the characters were handled.

We still barely know Stephen Strange, and we certainly weren’t given the impression that his love interest from the first movie was the great love of his life, so that emotional thread in this movie was flimsy.

The America character was barely a character.

But the worst of the worst of it was Wanda.

You mean to tell me, Raimi, that the Wanda who was experimented on and used for her power from an early age would have willingly murdered a superpowered little girl in a demonic rite? You mean to tell me that the Wanda who just spent a whole expertly-written television show showing me that she’s learned she can’t manipulate people’s lives, and she’s willing to sacrifice her own happiness if it means sparing other people suffering—you mean to tell me that THAT Wanda, the one I��ve spent five stories over several years getting to know—you mean to tell me that Wanda read one vaguely evil book and now she’s willing to slaughter her friends and a little girl so she can steal children from other, weaker versions of her own sad self?

That doesn’t make any sense.

You COULD have it make sense. You could show me her corruption. Show me what the Darkhold’s doing to her. Show me how she got from point A (WandaVision’s ending) to Point B (murderous careless rampage and smiling at the thought of murdering a little girl.) Use your runtime to do that.

But no. We’re going to use our runtime to throw in pointless cameos with no build-up, no real weight or gravity, no genuine excitement. To play with out special effects and CGI. To spend lots of runtime on arbitrary horror-movie scenes and gore.

And then kill Wanda off? …What?! It was idiotic. It was so contrived. I felt like I was watching a forgettable DC movie, or a Batman movie where the star of the story is just shock-and-awe.

Thor: Love and Thunder - This movie couldn’t decide if it wanted to be funny or serious. So it failed at both. First Thor’s making a joky explanation retconning Jane, breaking up with him, as a silly rom-com parody. Oh, then he’s holding her in his arms crying and claiming he’d rather be with her than win a fight, like that’s the big momentous moment-of-change for his character.

Sorry, I don’t believe you. I don’t believe you that Thor loved Jane. Because they barely show any serious, grounded, genuine, human affection to each other the whole movie. All I’ve seen is a parody of that, and de-masculatung mockery of Thor himself. You want me to believe he’s losing the love of his life and it’s devastating to him because he’s a human being with depth of emotion? Then don’t set him up as the star of a bad Will-Ferrell comedy.

And of course the “message” is crap. And every situation they get into is unbelievably stupid and unfunny. This is actually the movie that made me give up on Marvel.

Black Panther: Wakanda Forever - I didn’t see this movie. I love Leticia Wright, I’m on her side. But I had to give up on the MCU after Love and Thunder. I wanted to give up on it after Eternals, but I told myself I’d stick it out for the OGs (any movie about characters from the original Avengers squad or Guardians.)

The television shows during Phase 4 were all pretty good, for what they were, except for Moon Knight, in my opinion.

To sum it up: Phase 4 rushed everything, cut out the grounded human moments and feared all genuine displays of emotion in their characters. Instead they jammed in heavy action sequences, some more gore, and soulless, arbitrary, quick-flash cameos. The only exception was Spider-Man: No Way Home.

Thanks for asking! I could be open to changing these opinions; I’d have to go back and watch them over again, it’s been so long. But I think I’d rather put on wet socks, heel-to-toe, than watch Eternals or Multiverse of Madness, ever again.

#MCU #marvel universe phase 4 #marvel cinematic universe phase 4 #Phase 4 #wandavision #multiverse of madness #Loki #Thor: love and thunder #spider-man: no way home #asked #answered

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