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practically-an-x-man · 5 months ago

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Director’s commentary on Broken Pieces?👀👀👀

I’m still insane about it a week later

Oooooh, absolutely!! This was one of my favorite fics to write, we're gonna have fun with this one >:)

Link to the ask game here, link to the original fic here (heavy whump warning to those who haven't read it)

And of course... we're putting this under the cut for space, cause I'm about to ramble HARD.

____

Eris hummed a half-conscious affirmative and turned over in the bed, pausing only to snatch the pillow from Rick’s side of the bed and bury his face in it. Maybe these past few years had softened him, spending damn near every night asleep in bed like any other human. There were only three reasons the habit had stuck: sleep felt good, being well-rested kept her strong and agile, and… Rick. The nights, in the quiet and the solitude, were about the only time she could allow herself to be soft for him. And most people spent a third of their lives asleep - that was whole years carved from his already-limited lifespan to be spent apart, unless of course they spent it with him.

It's always interesting to see how Rick softens Eris through them living together. Their relationship is really unlike anything I've ever written before, and if you ever decide to read the other pieces in their collection, you'll notice a running theme of "actions speak louder than words". Eris loves to poke fun at Rick and rarely expresses their affection verbally. But at the same time, he's always looking to protect Rick from threats when they're in battle, he chooses to share an apartment and even a bed with him though they could live anywhere they want to, she allows herself to be perceived by him in these quieter moments (when she only ever lets others see her as sharp and contrary), and he proves that he knows Rick's habits, likes, and dislikes almost as well as Rick knows them himself.

Rick of course is candid about his affection towards Eris, in both words and actions, but Eris' is shown simply in the fact that they, a being known for conflict and battle and violence, choose be gentle with him.

Eris blinked in the darkness, forcing his eyes to make sense of the shadows. For just an instant they shuddered, their vision rippling faintly before resolving into crisper focus. She slid out of the bed like a whisper through the night, hackles raised.

Not sure how clear this was to someone newer to Eris as a character, but she's utilizing her shape-changing here. He's just shifted his eyes into that of a lion's, his other form, so that he can see more clearly in the darkness. I wanted to make this subtle, since I felt that more detail would break the tension of the scene, but I also wanted to show Eris instinctively making use of their assets in an uncertain scenario.

Something shifted from behind him, and cold metal kissed his skin for the briefest instant before sliding easily into his flesh. Eris felt a momentary burst of pain- then absolutely nothing, as the knife danced between his cervical vertebrae and his whole body went slack.

Funny enough, this little moment is inspired by one of my favorite book series of all time, the Market of Monsters series by Rebecca Schaeffer. It's a sci-fi series that places cryptids and mythological creatures from around the world into the modern world, and it gets super dark at times!! In the third book, the main character paralyzes a vampire (known to heal so quickly a straight fight would be almost impossible) by slipping a knife between his cervical vertebrae, then leaving the knife there so he can't heal the tissues and regain movement.

Anyway, it's a fantastic book series, highly recommend for a whump fan such as yourself. I could go on a whole separate ramble about why I love that series, from the spec-bio to the casual diversity to just how exciting the plot is.

“It’s awake.” someone said. Eris’ eyes found the source of the voice quickly - a bespectacled doctor in a bloodstained lab coat, holding something red and visceral in his gloves.

Ah yes, That Moment. I intended for this to be one of the most chilling moments of the fic - the moment the reader realizes they're in for some damn dark whump, and the moment Eris realizes they may genuinely have been outplayed. And of course, the first sign that the scientists don't see him as anything more than a mass of tissue.

His ribs had been opened, splayed to either side and baring his entrails to the air. There was a lot of blood- and a lot of pain, though he sensed that his body was blocking the worst of it to keep him lucid. Already they could feel their tissues straining to regenerate, staunching blood and building new tissue where their organs had been taken from them.

This was actually the moment I based the whole fic around. I had the mental image of a highly regenerative meta being forced to literally look at their own organs being removed, with their ribs opened like it was a high school dissection, and I effectively built the rest of the story around it. Technically this fic is listed as being based on a two-line prompt, but the truth is that I had this concept a few days before and then fit the prompt into it.

The doctor drove a scalpel into the delicate skin of their throat. The blow was deep but well-placed, and Eris’ voice cut off with a creak and a spray of blood. The blond wiped off his blade with a look of satisfaction on his face.

Another moment here based on the Market of Monsters series :) Same book, same characters, same chapter even. The main character gets tired of the vampire droning on and decides to silence him by severing his vocal cords with a scalpel. It's just so undeniably cold, it's such an incredible villain moment to me.

Yet their strength fled. Their vision swam, blurring into loose smears of color. The sharpness of blades in her abdominal cavity softened to only a vague, dreamlike pressure. They’d begun to suspect it wasn’t only nutrients being introduced to their blood. Eris let out a weak groan, only dimly noticing that her vocal cords had sewn themselves back together.

If they were at full strength, the sedative wouldn't have much of an effect on Eris. His healing factor is fast enough to nullify most drugs and alcohols, excluding only the ones intentionally made for metas with rapid healing factor like his own. This effect here is a combination of two things: a sedative made for metas specifically, and Eris' body being focused on regenerating the vital needs first.

Unless Rick had been killed. In the scope of this operation, what was one more body? And surely these doctors would know that he’d come for them, that he’d stop at nothing to rescue her. It was possible, even likely, that they’d slashed him down the moment he stepped out to investigate the music. There was a sharper tug, deep in her chest, and one of the scientists drew back with something glistening in his hands. Eris watched his heart kick out a few dying beats as the doctor placed it into an ice chest. It left him feeling hollow, drained and empty though the device on the cart kept his blood coursing steadily through his body. He wondered, distantly, how much of him was left, and how much they’d already carved away.

Genuinely my favorite little moment in this fic, and nobody seems to have picked up on it from just a raw read as of yet: Eris' heart is removed immediately after they assume Rick has been killed. How's that symbolism for ya?

It was terrifying to be seen this way, merely parts of a whole. For all her life, for every torture she’d been put through over the centuries, there was nothing quite like this. In a strange way, the indifference was worse than maliciousness. Anger was personal, directed. Anger required her to be seen as a person- or if not a person then a monster, an animal, but a living thing. And Eris thrived in conflict. But this? This was impersonal. Impartial. He might as well have been a side of beef in a butcher’s shop. He couldn’t draw off their anger because there was no anger to draw off of. They silenced him, cut his vocal cords and removed his lungs, because they didn’t want to admit he was a conscious creature.

Another reason Eris is weaker here than they normally would be - it's not just that he thrives in conflict emotionally, his powers literally draw off of it. Her healing gets faster, her reflexes get sharper, she grows more powerful. The fact that these scientists don't have any emotional connection to her, positive or negative, is genuinely more detrimental to her than if they'd been angry and careless about the injuries they caused.

On a deeper level, I wanted to make it clear that Eris is genuinely in a situation where they can do nothing, and the details just stack up against them. They're too injured to shape-change without ripping themself apart, their body spends so much energy healing that the sedative affects them heavily, there's no ambient conflict or anger to boost their powers, and the one person who would immediately jump to their rescue rather than assuming they could escape on their own (Rick) might already be dead. Eris is an incredibly strong and capable metahuman, especially in conflict, but literally everything in this situation plays against them.

“Eris- c’mon, darlin’, talk to me. You still in there? Tell me you’re still with me, wartime, please.”

Not really director's commentary, but can you imagine how it must feel on Rick's end to encounter this? I mean, he's seen them heal from all kinds of gruesome injuries, but they're literally hanging from chains with their ribs opened, missing most of their organs, and barely even conscious enough to look in his direction. The metahuman who he thought to be effectively immortal is now closer to death than he has ever seen them. That's legitimately scarring.

“You’re lucky I love you, Flag,” she muttered, “This sort of extortion would get anyone else killed, you know.”

Two comments on this:

They're not kidding. If Eris doesn't want to do something, she doesn't do it. If someone tries to press the issue, they're likely to end up killed- or at the very, very least, abandoned where they stood. It goes back again to that theme of actions speaking louder than words: Eris listens to Rick here, and with shockingly little argument.

2. In all of the fics I have written for Eris, they only ever say "I love you" three times (I literally checked this in my master document for their fics). Once here, after the deepest whump I've ever written. Once in Lost Gods, in which Eris is confronted by an eldritch monster that nullifies their healing factor and they genuinely feel that both he and Rick will die. And once in a heavy angst snippet, in which Rick dies right in front of them (it's a low-grade AU for the sake of angst). Technically I have them saying it once more, in an outline for a future piece following the battle with Peacemaker in Corto Maltese (in my version of it, Eris intervenes but Rick still gets badly hurt, and would have died without a blood transfusion from Eris' regeneration-rich blood), but I haven't written that piece yet. [Side-side-side note here, the scientists talking about how a meta's blood can boost an ordinary person's healing is also a setup for that piece, since I like to establish things early and keep them consistent so it doesn't end up feeling like a deus ex machina] Either way, that should give you some scope for how rarely Eris expresses their feelings candidly through words. Eris still does express affection verbally, but it's usually either subtle ("Can you put your seatbelt on?" in A Fool's Errand, or "I just want to keep you around, Flag" in Acrimony) or possessive ("You're mine. Until they put you in the ground, you're mine." in Whatever Keeps You Around, or a similar sentiment in that same angst snippet I talked about before). Eris' softer moments are told through actions, not words. The times when they do use words so candidly are almost always the times one or both of them are in grave danger and they might not get another chance to express those feelings.

#my friends!!!#answered asks #ask game #my writing #my ocs #oc eris

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where-dreamers-go · 1 year ago

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Reading and rambling: The Fork, the Witch, and the Worm

(Tales from Alagaësia VOLUME 1: ERAGON)

~~~

PART ONE: THE FORK

I. Mount Arngor

~~~

Ahem.

*looks at tiny, cute, little, colored map of the EASTERN REACHES*

That looks like it would have taken me the days to color. *imagining the ache of non-stop coloring the same spot over and over and over)

Anyway, what's with the random mountain? They don't get earthquakes do they?

*flipping pages*

Angela! Angela!

... Hmm 2018 copyright. Took me long enough.

*sees drawing of a fork*

Oh! The Little Mermaid! Cool.

What's with the hanging ornament with the page numbers? Should I know these symbols??

The day had not gone well.

I'm sorry. .. Blackberry mead... Like wine or expensive juice?

...picking berries in Palancar Valley.

Awh. Farm boy.

A pang of homesickness struck him.

Now?

...the Academy...

Academy? Oh okay. Not sure I even thought of him giving it a name. Then again he gives names to a number of things. Right?

He sighed, finding the sight depressing.

Do you need help? I can do that. Is it a lot for you? Or a lot in general? Are you exaggerating "mounds"?

It stood alone in the green expanse...

Oh, gosh of I were a place to have dragons... Where would I be? Hmmm. Maybe the big random mountain. A good stronghold though.

Two weeks of sailing to get there??? No. A close environment with the elves and Eragon? No. Can't do it.

How many names can this mountain have? Au least the dwarves know their history. Also, what the crap, elves? You know the mountain's name, but not where or why it has the name??? What? Like that's all you remember from class or something? Not important enough as your obsession with dragons and controlling nature that you claim to respect?

Dealing with them had proven far more frustrating than Eragon anticipated...

FINALLY! Eragon is with all the races in one place. Not just one. At least the dwarves gave him access to history and a MAP back in the day. But now... Oh oooooh. Do you know how happy I am, years later after reflection, that he's able to compare and contrast people? Also in a completely different situation.

Okay, so Eragon is eating. But it's never enough with all the energy he's using to help build??!?!!

I need to introduce him to carbs and stuff. Something.

Good, good. He doesn't want to experience anything like what happened fighting the Empire. Yeah, exciting, Eragon, but... Maybe you need a small hobby to entertain you.

"Barzûl," Eragon muttered.

Oh! That's a curse word. I know that. Right? Wait... Ha! Yeah.

A quill. Good to know.

Awwwwhhh he sleeps under one of Saphira's wings. Where else would he sleep? A rock?

Oh my goodness. Eragon and Saphira, let me do the paperwork. Just pay me in telling me what words you use to get the hair off your face.

A dragon destroyed his homework. That's messed up. I'd be upset about just that. Why don't you just burn it? Huh?

I wanna help decorate the halls!!! The echoes must be creepy in a place that large.

...and then the elves had refined the details.

Dude! The dwarves know very well how to build! When was the last time elves build anything out of stone? You didn't like Eragon's plan enough?? Just want the last say?

Darn, Eragon, get an assistant. Please.

I'll do it, but I require indoor plumbing and a cool cloak.

Oh. Eragon wants to problem solve. He wants to feel productive. Same.

Okay. I need to look up what an 'eyrie' is exactly.

Yeah, those Eldunarí need years of therapy. Poor things.

They can feel the light on their facets? For real or...?

Oh, the elves did windows. Cool. Cool.

*reads about Eragon talking with dragons*

See? I was right. Eragon needs something to do to distract himself.

Wow. That's a lot of information. I'm glad to see Eragon in a different setting, not war. But it's very new for him having so much pressure for the present to make sure the future is safer.

He's working smarter, but also a lot harder.

Woo!

#the fork the witch and the worm #Eragon #where dreamers go #tftwatw #reading and rambling

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ifidiedinadream · 1 year ago

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I'm sorry that you're not doing well. I rushed to finish this today and sorry if it's not very good but hopefully it'll put a smile on your face. 🤍 -🐨

You took one last deep breath before entering the restaurant Aleksi had picked out for your third date. You had spent nearly all day trying to find a perfect outfit before settling on your fanciest dress and a pair of high heels, clearly very fitting for this establishment. Once inside, it didn't take long before you spotted Aleksi sitting at a table, mindlessly fumbling with a napkin. He wore a black dress shirt that accentuated his shape, the most upper button left undone, offering you a glance at his chest. You stood there for a little moment just watching him, marvelling at this beautiful man, and you couldn't believe your luck that you had met him. When he lifted his head, his gaze met yours and a smile spread across his face before he got up, quickly walked over to you and greeted you with a kiss on the cheek, then he guided you to the table with one of his hands on the small of your back. He pulled back the chair for you, much like a gentleman and then took a seat across from you. "I know this place is quite fancy but I wanted to impress you", he said and awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck - a habit he always seemed to do when he was nervous. You chuckled and playfully rolled your eyes. "I'm always impressed by you, whether if it's at a fancy restaurant or at a landfill", you spoke, immediately blushing at the boldness of your statement. Aleksi laughed and muttered, "Guess I know where I'll take you for our next date." You carried on with a casual chat, feeling so comfortable in each other's company that you almost didn't notice the waiter stepping up to your table to take your order. "I'll take a beer and she takes...a vodka lemon", he said and the waiter noted the order on a small notepad before turning around and walking away. You looked at Aleksi with wide eyes. Butterflies were going crazy in your tummy and it made you feel almost dizzy. "You remembered", you smiled, "my favourite beverage." Aleksi nodded, looking mighty proud of himself for making you smile. "Of course I did. What kind of boyfriend would I be if I didn't?", he jested and this time it was him who blushed. You had not yet put a label on your relationship, still unsure if you were just casually dating or actually being committed to each other. "I mean...if you want me to be your boyfriend, of course. Sorry for being so straight forward. I can see that this took you by surprise and you probably think I'm weird now", Aleksi rambled, barely taking a breather inbetween the cascade of words tumbling from his mouth. "I'm such an idiot and I can understand if you don't want to see me ever again. I'm so-" You cut him off mid-sentence by standing up, leaning across the table and gently grabbing his face with your hands before shutting him up with a kiss. You had no idea how long you ended up kissing him for, you broke apart when the waiter returned to your table and cleared his throat, clearly uncomfortable at interrupting. "Excuse me but here are your drinks", he said and placed a glass of vodka lemon in front of you and a bottle of beer in front of Aleksi. Your face was heating up from embarrassment but Aleksi took your hand and smiled at you with so much adoration in his eyes that you couldn't help but swoon. It was a very good date and you couldn't wait for the next one.

oooooh he's so handsome when he wears dress shirts aaaah 😭😭 and baby wanting to impress the reader 😭

and AAAAH when you asked me about my favorite alcoholic drink this is what it was for 😭😭😭🤲🏻🤲🏻🤲🏻 i love this little detail, thank you very much!

in general i loved this, for some reason i often fantasize and write about the first few dates, it's among my favorite scenarios 🥰 they're just so romantic and full of passion and thrill aaaahh

thank you so much for this, you have no idea how much i needed it today 🖤

#answered #fantasies #fave

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fieldsofview · 6 months ago

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Talk shop Tuesday in return 🫶

What inspires you to sit down and write? How do you brainstorm ideas for your work and what is the process of planning for WIP?

Oooooh so I think the first question has two different answers for me, so I'm going to answer that last. Also, fair warning this is a very rambling answer 😬

Brainstorming ideas usually happens (at least at the start) against my will. I think at my core I'm a storyteller more than anything else, and the majority of my hobbies over the years reflect that. I tend to just always be thinking of possible ideas and how I could tell them. I used to be really into the OC cosplay sphere on Tik Tok, I've always been both a D&D/TTRPG player and a GM, I used to be a YouTube vlogger back in HS, and, of course, I've been writing in some form or another since I was in elementary school.

The ideas just hit me, randomly, and I let them percolate in my brain because it's fun. Kind of like daydreaming, but with more of a focus on structure and building it into something.

Once an idea has enough of a form in my mind to be at least somewhat viable as a story - like I could pitch the summary to someone who's familiar with the medium and they would get my meaning - then I'll add it to whichever of my myriad of documents that has all my ideas in a place where I won't forget them. Kind of like tucking a book aside to read on a rainy day - I know it's there when I want to pull it out.

Picking something to start as a project is a little more fluid, but usually I have one of those above mentioned ideas that keeps creeping back into the depths of my brain over and over again until it reaches a point where I want to bust out my computer and actually start working on it. I start with a document where I just put every detail, large or small, related to that idea that I can think of. I call it my Brain Dump Doc and I have one for each larger project. Once all the things are out of my brain and on paper, then I can work on molding it into a structured outline and can fix the pieces together into a better narrative to fit the medium I'm working in.

From there, typically *starting* into the project is easy. Especially with writing, usually the idea has been in my head for long enough that I have a really clear picture of how it needs to start and can just put the words on the page in a fit of hyper fixation. This feeling comes and goes, though, with longer projects. I usually have some scenes that are really clear in my mind and then the in-between bits are fuzzier and take work to get through in a way that makes sense. It's also why I'm big on editing. I can get something rough down on the page and then come back to it 3 weeks later with fresh eyes in a way that let's me make it so much better.

I'm a writer who really needs to write linearly, so I have to work through those bits to get to the stuff I know well and am excited about. So sometimes writing really is a desperate push of staring at my screen and putting one sentence down in front of the other, trying to eke out a few hundred words. And other times I'll work through 5k in an afternoon because I'm on a roll. It varies, but especially with longer projects, I usually try to work on it several days a week, even if it's just chipping away in small sections.

I would like to say I write every day - but SMH has proven that I don't. I think I average 5days/week though. And the work shows, considering it's 140k and nearly done!! SMH has been an exercise in proving to myself that I don't have to get stuck in those lulling moments and I can push past them to finish a longer project. I used to have a really hard time with that, and I have a lot of projects that I've abandoned at the 15-40k mark over the years. But, now that I'm older and more aware of my own flaws, I've gotten better at making myself push through because I know the reward of finishing will outweigh any of the struggle of writing.

Thank you for the question and for giving me a space to ramble about my creative process!! <3

#talk shop tuesday #foviewpoint

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fadebolt · 3 months ago

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Oooooh, these two! I've rambled about them many times, and I feel like the previous rebloggers already said everything important that needed to be said (so you know… go and read them). But I'll still try to add in my 2 cents into this.

My vote on this one should be obvious to anyone who has been following my opinion writings for a while. So I won't beat around the bush here - I'm going with shelter_above.

However, one thing I will note is that I sort of got to appreciate RAIL02 quite a lot more, than before.

Especially since I've learned that I've made an incorrect assumption within my previous writings about it. Because as it turns out, it actually is possible to use that room as an entrance into the main part of Outer Expanse, and so, it's not just an exit.

I… have absolutely no idea how I've missed this, Gourmand's Wiki page literally has a GIF of them jumping across the gap that I previously assumed to be large enough to prevent players from using this room as anything but an exit (I'm talking about that big one to the left, though I don't imagine Survivor or Monk could make that, since their throw-boosts through Spears are nowhere near as strong). So all you RAIL02 fans have my sincerest apologies for this little misreading of mine!

Admittedly, this does make me view the gameplay of this place in a way better light, especially since putting in optional shortcuts or alternate paths that are accessible through movement tricks that are well known by veterans is the exact thing Downpour should do.

However, shelter_above is just too great, for me to not put my vote on it.

For one, it's the sole reason why Metropolis feels so fun when you first enter it. Can you just imagine what it would be like if it didn't exist, and if you ever died before finding any of the other shelters in Metropolis (which are all decently far away, by the way), you'd have to backtrack through the top of the Wall, and then that long hallway room? Every. Time. You. Die.

Considering the already mixed reception of the Scavenger Chieftain boss fight, and its subregion, Metropolis would absolutely plummet on most people's tier lists, if this shelter was to be removed. After all, it would ruin the part of the region people find the most fun!

There's also the visual aspect, which… I'll be fair, RAIL02 absolutely knocks it out of the park on that department too! However, I do care about the looks of the shelter way more, mostly cus it simply stuck with me more.

And it's hard to pinpoint why, since both rooms present something unexpected, and both are truly one of a kind. It might just be personal biases, since I frankly can't think of a single semi objective reason to explain this. Sometimes, you just can't provide reasonings for these things.

So yeah, shelter_above is my pick, and it seems to be the choice of the majority too, which was to be expected. After all, the shelter is a part of every Metropolis route ever done, whereas RAIL02 is only part the upper Outer Expanse routes, meaning that it might as well not exist if you walk in through the bottom. That still doesn't diminish the quality of the room, of course (though if a room was horribly misplaced, then I would rate it pretty lowly, but this one was placed pretty much perfectly), it'll just mean that less people will care about it. So it's quite impressive that it actually managed to make it this far, over rooms that way more people will run into. Hats off to you, floating sky train-line!

Pick Your Favorite Rain World Room, Day 298.1 R5

There is a hidden slugcat in one of the rooms (they can be in any color). If u can see it comment or reblog with where they are and if u are first, u get a cookie!

Credit for game screenshots goes to: Rain World Interactive Map, Rain World Wiki and me

#rain world room poll #rain world opinions

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sellyoursoulforagoodfic · 3 years ago

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Monstrous Secrets Chapter 8

Eris Vanserra x reader

Word Count: 1720

Summary: You and a couple of the guys have a heart-to-heart

You were home, or rather, you were in the physical place where you lived. It was difficult to call Velaris ‘home’ when your home was really a person, your mate. It was even harder to call this place home since Azriel started looking at you like he wanted to spit on you at any given moment. You’d expected to be treated that way once everything came to light, but that didn’t mean that you didn’t loathe it with every fiber of your being.

It was in a fit of this general discontent that you found yourself sitting on the ground of the balcony outside the House of Wind’s library. A bottle of wine, half empty already based on the weight of it, dangled from your fingertips as you stared blankly into the fire and longed for the male that could make such flames dance like sprites. Eris’s notes from your time apart rested on the ground before you, some resting against or on your leg because you’d simply dropped them after reading.

“Cass told me I’d find you here,” Rhys said as his feet entered your field of view. “Though I’ll admit I thought he was exaggerating how much you’d been drinking.”

Your eyes darted over to the other two, empty bottles you’d abandoned back when you’d been sitting in a chair. “Yes, well, you know how my tolerance is.”

“Considering how many men you’ve drunk under the table? Yes, I’m fully aware.” Now, he brought himself low enough that he could meet your eye on your own level. The most powerful High Lord, kneeling beside his low fae cousin on the ground.

You snorted at the sheer ridiculousness. “Whatcha doing here, Rhys? I figured you’d be off with Feyre.”

“She had things to discuss with Amren or else she’d be here talking to you with me.”

You took another drink. “Well in that case, lay it on me.” Your arms spread wide dramatically, one hand holding the bottle, the other a letter; your wings flared slightly behind you in an effort to keep you balanced. “Ask me anything you want! I assume it’s about that gorgeous mate of mine.”

He rolled his eyes and took the bottle from you. “I won’t insult you bya skiing what Azriel wants me to.” Rhysand took a long drink.

“Oooooh, let me guess!” You did your best to make your face as stoic as the shadowsinger’s. “Have I been selling secrets to the Autumn Court?”

“Close,” he snickered. “Has she been giving away secrets to the Autumn Court?”

You scoffed. “As if I’d give them away for free!”

“Sweetheart, you’d never spill them either way.” His eyes were somber, caring. “You would never betray us like that, so I have no need to ask.”

“Then what do you need to ask?”

“First, I want to ask about your bargain.”

“You makin’ sure I didn’t give away anything important?”

“I want to know that it was your choice to make whatever deal it was.”

Your brain stalled out in light of his genuine concern after so many days of people being wary of you, and your buzz fizzled a little because of it. “It was a deal of protection,” you explained seriously. “He’ll watch my back as long as I watch his sort of thing.” You stole back the bottle to take another drink. “And what a fucking job I did.”

“You couldn’t have done anything against her,” he assured you, “and if you had tried, more likely than not, you’d both be dead right now.”

“Whatever, Rhys,” you scoffed. “What else?”

“You are not less than him because you’re Illyrian.” You’d known the topic was coming, but you didn’t expect him to be quite so blunt. “And if he treats you like you are, I’ll kill him myself.”

“Then you can stop worrying, because he doesn’t. Hasn’t even said anything to imply it--get that look off your face right now. Anything he said to you was an act because we were backed into a nightmare of a corner, and you know it. Anyway, he hasn't made any jabs implying it--accidentally or otherwise--since we first got together.”

“Put a stop to that, did you?” He was smirking as he swiped the bottle back to drink once again.

“Of course.” You hesitated. “But he and I are both aware of what others will think; just look at your parents. That’s why, or at least part of why, we kept quiet about the whole thing.”

Rhysand was nodding as if pleased.

“That all you’ve got, cousin?”

A little snort escaped his nose. “As far as being concerned goes, we’ll say yes for now.”

“And as far as everything else?”

“Since you’ve so cruelly left your poor cousin in the dark about your relationship for--how long was it again?”

“‘Bout five hundred years--”

“Five hundred years! Because you've left me in the dark for so long, I want to know everything about the two of you.”

“Everything?”

“Everything.” He waved a hand a little. “That you’re willing to share, of course.”

“Rhys . . . I don’t . . .” You weren’t used to this. You’d never had to share anything about your relationship before. You weren’t good at talking about yourself. “I don’t know where to start.”

A low hum rumbled through the air along with the telling thuds of someone else’s boots.

“Why don’t you start with that letter you’re holding?” Cassian abruptly dropped down next to you, so close he was lightly pressed against your side. It was such a casual closeness that the pair of you had had for centuries, and you didn't realize how much you loved it until it was missing. Its presence now brought tears to your eyes, but none fell.

Blinking them back, you stammered, “Um. It’s how we talked . . . when we couldn’t see each other.” A self-deprecating chuckle ripped its way up from your throat. “Apparently he’d been sending them since just after Amarantha, and I never knew since I don’t live down there anymore. I’m only just now getting around to reading them.” Carelessly, you handed it over to Cassian. “You can read it if you want; I was going through them all, but I can’t exactly see straight enough to read anymore.”

He eyed you warily before opening it gently. Clearing his throat before he read,

“I hope you are doing well, and I hope moreso that you have not finally come to your senses and decided to leave me. I’ve been trying to keep my emotions from bothering you in case you have, but Father has proven to be harsher than ever before in light of everything that has happened over the last half-century. It’s all I can do to keep him from deciding to hunt down Lucien.

Cauldron, I don’t even know if you’re receiving these messages or if you even care and yet here I am droning on about my own problems. I’ll leave this here, then.

I miss you, and I love you always,

Eris”

Both men were silent for a breath.

“Who would have thought that Eris Vanserra of all people would be so rambling in a letter?” Cassian eventually teased--only slightly awkwardly--to break the quiet.

“He stopped trying to be eloquent in our notes about five years in.” Your buzz was definitely on the way out now, and you found yourself listlessly leaning against Cassian. Neither male commented about the more romantic sentiments in the letter. You wondered why that was. For your privacy or their own comfort so they didn’t have to think about the fact that Eris did in fact have feelings.

“What’s the first thing you think of when you think about him?” Rhysand prompted quietly, obviously wanting to know more about the relationship despite the awkward aura that’d descended upon the little group.

It may have been because you were actively looking at a fire, but you didn’t really have to think about the words that came tumbling out of your mouth. “Did you know that he can make shapes out of flames? He used to make little dogs and foxes to play with Lucien when Beron would upset him.”

“I thought he hated that kid,” Cassian mused.

“He had to keep his distance to keep Beron’s attention away from him; he swore to his mother that he’d protect him.”

“What else comes to mind?”

You swallowed thickly. “He interrogated me about how to care for my wings when I showed up injured once.”

Rhys’s violet eyes flashed. “Injured?”

“Took a bad crash through some trees on the way to see him; I think I was dodging some scouts. Either way, he hounded me about it until I taught him all I could.”

“Seriously?” Cassian again.

“Yeah.” You could feel the dopey smile spread across your face, but you didn’t want to stop it. “Cleaning, first-aid, the whole deal. And the best part? He never has cold hands.”

“Unlike you, huh?” Rhys teased. “Nothing but cold hands.”

“Truer words never spoken,” and unexpected but familiar voice said from behind you.

As soon as you laid eyes on him, you were stumbling to your feet.

There was a warmth in his eyes that had nothing to do with flames when he caught you and pulled you close.

Immediately, you buried your face in his neck. “How?” you whispered into the pale skin there.

Eris’s hand moved to rest atop your wing where it was tucked against your back, sending a delightful shiver down your spine. “That would be a question for your High Lady.”

You glanced over your shoulder and saw that, sure enough, Feyre was now holding hands with the now-standing Rhys. “I thought you were with Amren?”

“I lied,” Rhys shrugged. “Eris was down there plotting with Keir, so I asked her to go grab him for you since you’ve been feeling down.”

When tears started welling up in your eyes, you blamed the alcohol. “Thank you.”

“Anything for you, little cousin. Now, I think it’s time for us to turn in.” His eyes shifted to look at your mate; surprisingly his gaze wasn’t near as icy as you would have expected. “Take care of her.”

“Until my dying breath.”

“Never a simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’ with you people,” Cassian scoffed, “is there?”

You smirked on behalf of your husband. “Never.”

#eris vanserra x reader #eris vanserra imagine #eris imagine #eris x reader #acotar imagine #a court of thorns and roses imagine #reader insert

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onlyhereforangst · 3 years ago

Text

WWR

Alright y’all a likely final WWR coming at you, you know 3 months late the day of the dreaded s19 premiere. This definitely gets ranty and emotional, if you’re a Gibbs stan scroll the fuck away & don’t send me hate anon. This is bittersweet and it hurts and I’ve been living in denial for months but I needed this little bit of closure before the writer’s absolutely fuck it up in less than 6 hours. I hope you enjoy my emotional ramblings & I’ve absolutely loved writing these for the past two years, i’ll miss it & your reactions to it dearly ❤️

Badass Ellie is allllllways a treat, and protective nick contrasted to her making albeit slightly reckless decisions is top tier. And then followed up by him being impressed as hell??? He’s like damn my girl just did that and I am not turned on, no way, we are working I am not turned on, nope. Nick sitting at Ellie’s desk in the beginning PLS. Feet kicked up feeling mighty comfortable for someone who hates sitting at a desk 👀 only ok with it when it’s Ellie’s, huh Nick? Also I love that he’s sticking with the nonchalant approach like he did when he found her looking up Eastern Europe locations. He knows if he pushes too hard it won’t go well, but he is still concerned for her well-being. Those pieces slowly clicking into place that something isn’t just off- it’s worrisome off. Because while yes he’s still nonchalant he’s a touch more serious this time, ignoring her attempt at a brush off and claiming “he wants answers.” It’s a subtle step up from 18x14, but it’s there. His spidey senses are tingling and he’s getting less and less able to hide his concern for her 🥺 even if he tries to play it off as flirty banter because yes he’s still gd impressed with her moves and even tells Vance as such essentially.

Flash forward to at the stash house and they find the files plus the mini debrief back in the bullpen…I truly am inclined to believe Ellie doesn’t know here. I mean sure she realizes that the timing fits to a certain extent—she was at NSA when this happened, but I don’t think she knows this is the beginning of her end. She’s like “oh they’re selling secrets too” and “my contacts are all gone” like…I just, she seems too casual and not at all on edge. Idk so far I’m just not getting that vibe. She even brushed off McGee with the whole that was ten years ago almost like she didn’t remember it? But then at the same time she did bring up the whole legal vs ethical- she hedged, but she did mention it. She was not super gung-ho about OMG THIS WAS SO UNETHICAL WTF HOW COULD THEY DO THIS so still……..idk lets continue haha

Ok her knowledge of guns is slightly concerning but also Nick finds it concerning AND hot, boy can’t help himself lets be honest. That “damn” that slips out please, so many sirens going off in that head but also you’re just like well fuck talk dirty to me some more babe. Aaaaand here we go, here’s why I know Ellie didn’t know that odette was going to plant that shit right now. “Whoever took them from the NSA’s code-level servers risked a lot more than their career” with a little like duh face from Ellie SCREAMS that she did not, would not, EVER do that. The leak was fabricated by Odette and the fact that it would be planted during this case was all Odette unbeknownst to Ellie. Or why the fuck would Ellie so casually and somewhat judgmentally be like “who TF would leak something like that, man they stupid, committing treason and whatnot.” And Ellie is SHOOK when Vance tells her it was her. Like shook as in, blinks several times, shifts her weight back, glances at McGee with a flash of surprise in her eyes. That body language screeeeeams being caught off guard. If she had leaked those documents and if she had known this was a plant, she wouldn’t be caught off guard. And no matter how well you can try and play the part, that body language is legit. She’s shocked someone would even think about that and oh man, Nick. Nick’s face hurts me (and I know this is just the beginning). Because a man who has always seen himself as the bad egg, the criminal so to speak, the one who would do something shady before any of the others. He is shook and angry that Vance could even consider accusing Ellie of this. And then there’s the genuine concern etched on his face (and I’d know, the screen is currently paused on his face staring at Ellie with a worried furrowed brow and pain clenched in his jaw) because he knows logical Ellie wouldn’t do this but also he knows he’s been seeing little puzzle pieces fall into place of suspicious behavior and this is just one more thing that doesn’t sit right with him- doesn’t fit the woman he’s come to know and love. And while I know he truly believes she didn’t leak the files, I would bet right here he’s concerned about what the fuck she’s gotten herself wrapped up in.

And she continues to be adamantly against this, like Eleanor Raye Bishop would NOT ever leak intel, not as a baby NSA analyst who believed she was doing the right thing always in her role. Never once bringing up questionable ethics, she thought it was the greater good, that little patriot. She’s so adamantly against it and then Vance asks if she was framed, and I think that’s the point where Ellie realizes this is Odette. The word framed all of a sudden clicks it all into place and she picks up it might be “go time” for her. Her glances over at Vance have changed, they’re more cautious, calculating. She hears they’ve been leaked over ten years ago and she knows that she didn’t do it 10 years ago so this very well may be the notice of eviction from Odette. The “we’re coming for you, Agent Bishop” and her little look, oooooh Ellie is fired up. Her switch flipped and she’s now gotta hunker down and defend herself until she can confirm with Odette. Vance doesn’t even let her get a word in to “fight” for her innocence. But the fact that she’s getting sent home pisses her off, she wants to be close to the investigation, know what’s happening, and I’m sure a part of her still resists being dubbed that traitor of the state. Who knows, Odette may have never told her how she would become a disgraced NCIS agent, and this may have pissed Ellie off because her integrity is something she prides herself on. Her line, “I’m not Gibbs […] I’m innocent line” is like a tiny bright spot to chuckle in during this dismal finale. Gibbs hate train right hereeeee

Love that Kasie is immediately on the Ellie defense side, not looking forward to her reaction to Ellie leaving IF they even decide to show us.

Gibbs telling Ellie “sometimes there’s nothing left to be said” when he fucking up and left the team without so much as a goodbye or sorry for committing police brutality like fuck outta here Gibbs. Ellie is CLEARLY vulnerable right now, she’s been accused of leaking classified documents aka committing treason, she’s suspended, she’s on the brink of going on some dumbass undercover op and is begging, pleading, for any sign from you- her boss and father figure- not to do it. That he shows remorse for leaving the team without a word, that he regrets his decision to just disappear on them, that he wishes he hadn’t or he had done it differently. ANY kind of sign to tell her not to go through with what she’s about to go through. Literally any sign, and instead Gibbs gets defensive and bites back that she’s picking the wrong time in her life (LIKE HELLO YOU JUST SAID IT RIGHT THERE IDIOT, SHE’S GOING THROUGH SHIT MAYBE YOU SHOULD FIGURE OUT WHAT IT IS BUT NO YOU’RE WRAPPED UP IN GIBBS LA-LA-LAND AND HAVE SAID FUCK YOU TO YOUR SUPPOSED KIDS), so now Ellie is even more pissed and gets defensive back telling him he doesn’t even know what’s going on in her life and if that’s not a desperate cry for help I don’t know what is. like she is begging you Gibbs to pick up on it and figure it out, begging you to do your job that’s you’re supposedly so good at and save her from going through with this stupid mission. And then Ellie realizes that he stopped caring about them. He’d gotten so wrapped up in what he was doing, he stopped caring about their lives, the problems they were facing, anything. Him *not* realizing something was happening??? This is Gibbs, this is the man that always knows what’s happening before you even know what’s happening. So the words “I’m starting to realize that” hit like a fucking dump truck. He’s too preoccupied with his own boat-making nonsense that he can’t be bothered to have even an inkling of an idea of what’s going on in their lives. And he doesn’t seem to care that he’s dropped them from his life. And that’s when it hits Ellie, he’s never coming back. He’s cut the team out of his life and he doesn’t care. He has no regrets, he can’t even be bothered to have a single regret. And I think that, right there, is when Ellie decides she’s all in. I think there was always a small part of her that was hesitant to go along with odette. Hesitant to just upend her career and her relationships (aka Nick, but we’ll get to this), all of it. But hearing that the man she looked up to even though he’d made some mistakes, the man she viewed as a father, the one person who’d taken a chance on the nerdy analyst long ago, the one constant through all the turmoil she’d had, just left? Just left without a goodbye, without remorse, without even a parting thought for her? That was it for her. Whatever brainwashing Odette had fed her that she’d pushed back against from fully taking over finally broke free. And with it, Ellie grieves, she’s tearing up from knowing what she’s about to lose. Lose the man she viewed as a father, the coworkers that were like a family, the partner she’d found herself loving like she’d never loved before.

Ugh poor hurt Nick, he’s willing to do all the grunt work that he abhors in order to free up McGee so he can save Ellie. Nick knows he doesn’t have the skills and I think that’s killing him even more so. He can’t just do it himself, he has to rely on someone else to clear her name (to which he bumped back to last name in a last ditch attempt to maintain distance and keep some semblance of emotions in check, which is failing miserably), and that is killing the doer we know and love. LOL “so you’re both wrong” this poor man I love him, I can’t wait for the tears that will come from me later 🥲 nick immediately taking Jessica’s help, I love it. He’s like I don’t give AF who will help us but I am clearing this woman’s name if it’s the last thing I do. And then she walks in and he’s frozen. All these emotions running through him and then she’s there?? And she ignores him??? Ignores all of them?? Rushes past and storms up to the director on a suicide mission??? Yeah this is why I said that conversation with Gibbs was her last nail in the coffin. She hadn’t decided to go through with it (hence why she hedged earlier with Vance) and then he went and was a piece of shit so she said the hell with it and went all in. She can’t even bring herself to speak at Nick, barely looks at him, because she knows, she knows if she speaks to him, if he gets a chance to try and talk her down in the heightened emotional state she’s in after talking to Gibbs, she won’t be able to hold it in. She won’t be able to deal with seeing emotionally charged and hurt Nick. So she ignores him and McGee and does what she thinks she has to do. How hard did it have to be for Ellie to tell Vance not to defend her, and that their intel was correct? 🥺🥺 it goes against everything she’s ever stood for and she just went and did it. She hates liars and yet she lied. She loves her country and yet she claimed she committed treason. Her body language once again screams uncomfortable but trying to play it off. She’d nodding and repeating it over and over because she needs to convince herself of the words. They leave a bitter taste in her mouth and she can’t stop it. All she can do is clench her jaw a little tighter and get it over with and convince herself.

Nick is in disbelief, obviously. McGee looks like he’s five seconds from breaking down because his little sister is supposedly a traitor??? Like he can’t believe it. He’s hurt she would do something like this even though he still knows in his gut that it can’t possibly be true. And oh FUCK the part where Nick’s voice cracks asking if Vance fired Ellie. Fuuuuuuuck me. This man’s heart is breaking for what’s happening to Ellie and being completely in the dark about it. Sure they weren’t really clear on what “they” were after The Talk but still. He thought she was open with him. Ever since the jail cell, things had shifted and he thought she’d been honest with him. He’d picked up on those little things, but maybe it was just training or something, NOT committing alleged treason and quitting the one career she loved. Not leaving him in the dark and vanishing without so much as a word. Not that. Because she KNOWS his past, she knows how much shit he’s been through with people in his life leaving without so much as a goodbye. And his voice continues to crack asking about what’s going on because he’s literally in shock. McGee is desperately trying to keep it together, keep some sort of figurehead for the team. Nick is in shambles ok, just like I’m in shambles. He’s adamant she didn’t do it because he KNOWS her. He knows she would never in a million years leak classified intel and now he’s just confused like a lost and kicked puppy. She didn’t DO IT, and she’s not answering her PHONE. He just wants to talk to her, he just wants to know she’s ok, wants to comfort her, wants to convince her to stop and it’ll be alright and he’ll take care of her and he’ll save her because that’s all he wants to do and always has, right? Save her. Save her from everything in this world that could hurt her. Protect her from life’s dangers. Protect her because he can’t bear the thought of losing her. And that all is crumbling down around him. All of it, crashing down like an avalanche, ready to bury him alive in grief and guilt and despair and anger. How am I supposed to TALK to her, he just wants to fucking be with her. He just wants to be there. With her. For the rest of their lives.

Ellie looking at the hat, please. That’s a lifetime of regret packed into one facial expression right there. She’s looking at that hat, the one she cherishes from the moment Gibbs hands it to her, and knows it’ll be the last time she ever sees it again. It’s not something she can take with her, and it’s full of fond memories—most happy, some sad, a few bittersweet—but memories that have made her life whole the past 8 years. And there’s officially no going back, she’s admitted to treason, there’s no way out of that. She’s having to say goodbye to all of her career without saying goodbye to any of them, all of that is wrapped up in that hat. A hat that’s so simple but signifies so much to her. She definitely was not expecting McGee to come out and so her rebuttals to him are exasperated and grasping at straws initially. She tries sarcasm and then she tries to brush it off “it doesn’t matter, it’s done […] I get that, I don’t want to talk about it” when McGee voices that he’s hurt over this and her reputation matters to him. Because he’s like another brother to you dammit Ellie. Yeah he’s grown since he said Ziva was like a sister to him and just stomped on your heart, he didn’t say it then but you’re like a sister to him too Ellie. I love that he fights her on it, and Ellie is like shit I have to come up with something. I don’t think she expected McGee of all people to fight her on this and I’m so glad he did. A little bit of growth because he is not going to see another person he views as family leave him again. And Ellie’s half assed excuses please, all of it is just such BULLSHIT because when they first debriefed she was just like “ethical? Hmmm” nothing more, nothing about being a vigilante and being up in arms over this like she claims she was. Bullshit Ellie, bullshit. And the PARALLELS TO FUCKING GIBBS. THIS IS WHAT YOU DID GIBBS, THIS IS YOU. LOOK WHERE YOU FUCKING PUSHED ELEANOR BISHOP TO STOOP TO. McGee begging her to regret it and Ellie pulls a Gibbs and is like NOPE. WONDER WHERE THE FUCK SHE LEARNED THAT FROM HUH. Gibbs you are singlehandedly responsible for this shit and how Ellie broke Nick’s heart and whatever happens to her on this stupid mission. I’m glad your dumb boat blew up, you deserve it.

“I don’t want protection” because I can’t have you all following me.

“It kills me that I lied to the people I was closest to” not about what you think I’m lying about but what I’ve been hiding. It kills me that I can’t tell you the real reason for this. It kills me.

“It wasn’t years ago for us” McGee rip my heart out please it will hurt less. And Ellie just playing into all of it. Knowing that she needs him and everyone else to hate her and not trust her. Her entire livelihood and backstory rely on them hating her and not following her, believing she’s the enemy and she’s hid these kinds of secrets for so long. Believing she’s a criminal and it was all a farce. She has to play into it. She has to. It’s the only way she will survive, they’ll survive. Odette likely fed her this shit, cut all ties, make sure no one follows, make sure no one is attached, burn all bridges.

Ah and we’re back to pissed Nick. Nick who doesn’t like to be left in the dark ever, let alone when it deals with Bishop. Getting his edgy self being rude to Kasie but Kasie doesn’t even bat an eyelash. She knows Nick is hurting and she reaches out to him, she doesn’t take his tone to heart because she knows. Nick saying he wouldn’t know how she’s doing is just like a knife to the heart. He wants to know, desperately. He once thought he was the person she would go to in times like these but now all he’s getting is radio silence, a cold shoulder, and screened phone calls. He’s in visceral pain from the thought of her going through this alone, pain from everything he once thought true and good being destroyed in a day’s time. And Kasie is shocked that Nick hasn’t spoken to her. If that doesn’t tell you she knows that they are a thing and the gravity of all this, I don’t know what will. Nick should have spoken to her, clearly he wants to, in every other situation he would have already. But Kasie (and Jessica) just realized Ellie is shutting Nick out and that is Not Good.

Back to Gibbs. Fucking asshole he is. McGee comes to you desperate to help his sister, Gibbs’ “daughter” and he goes “I think she’s at a crossroads” ???? Acting like he didn’t fucking encourage her at this so-called crossroads???? Like ???? The fuck???? Her crossroads was painfully obvious when she came to talk to you and YOU basically treated her like you couldn’t care less about her. That you had no clue what she was dealing with in her life and said as much. So yeah, she WAS at a fucking crossroads until you SHOVED her into oncoming traffic and said have a nice fucking life. AND THEN. McGee wants to help her and Gibbs tells him he can’t??? “Not this time” bitch this is YOUR FAULT. YOU COULD HAVE HELPED HER. COULD HAVE TALKED TO HER AT LEAST SOMEWHAT AND YOU DIDN’T. YOU SAID YOU DIDN’T REALIZE SHE WAS SPIRALING AND THAT YOU DIDN’T REGRET LEAVING YOUR SO-CALLED FOUND FAMILY IN THE DUST AND GUESS WHAT. SHE WENT AND PARROTED YOUR WORDS RIGHT BACK AT MCGEE SO FUCK YOU GIBBS.

Ooooh Nick looks lethal, love that look, hate why he has that look though. Lol Nick getting ready to go murder the dude in interrogation because he set up Ellie and he’s just ignoring the fact that she claims she committed treason because he already knows there is literally no way on earth that she did it. And Vance realizing that Nick needs to stand down like fiiiiiiinally someone realized it. Obviously he isn’t gonna listen and poor Nick, this boy has it bad and he’s truly just SO WORRIED for what Ellie is about to do. Because right there, the confirmation that the file was a plant, that was the final puzzle piece falling into its perfect place. Every single thing he questioned, every little moment he’d replayed in his head, it all made sense. And he was so very pissed she hadn’t come to him- and honestly I think part of him is trying to ignore the WHY that’s behind that because he truly wouldn’t be able to think straight if he went there. I think that would be his end, going into the why she didn’t trust him, why she lied, why it hurts him so much. It would be the end, and yet…we’re just beginning here. And of course he knows exactly who is manipulating Ellie, he hadn’t trusted that scum from the start. So of course he goes straight to Odette’s cabin and lays in wait, probably pouring over all the documents and things Ellie did or didn’t leave behind there.

Ellie pulling up in the truck and that heavy sigh? Yeah, she’s still not convinced this is a good idea. She’s running on emotions but that logical part of her (and deep down, her heart, knowing what she’s about to do- who she’s about to cut out of her life) is whispering of how very bad an idea this is. She still has to gather her willpower to get out of that car but when it’s Gibbs calling her? The same Gibbs that basically just kicked her out the door without so much as a wave goodbye? Yeah, the emotion just came rushing back, pushing the logic aside. She claims she can’t tell Nick because no shit if she has to look him in the face and lie and still say goodbye, it’ll kill her. She’s honestly not sure if she can go through with it.

OH we back to a Gibbs hate novel, hold on. “I’M REALLY PROUD OF YOU BISHOP” WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. I’M REALLY PROUD YOU’RE THROWING EVERYTHING YOU EVER WORKED FOR AWAY, PUSHING THE ONES YOU LOVE THE MOST OUT OF YOUR LIFE, SACRIFICING YOUR ONE SHOT OF LOVE THAT YOU OF ALL PEOPLE DESERVE THE MOST. I’M SO PROUD OF YOU. Oh fuck OFF Gibbs. “Following your gut” oh shut UP. I just don’t understand this part. I don’t understand it, and I’m trying so hard for it to make sense, for it to be in character. Like does Gibbs have any clue?? I’m sure he recognizes the signs, I’m sure he has an inkling at this point. So how would he be proud? How the FUCK would he say he’s learned some stuff from her. Does he mistakenly trust Odette because of what she did for Ziva? Is he just so self-absorbed he doesn’t completely comprehend what Ellie is doing leaving Nick behind??? And Rule 91 is a load of shit. “When you decide to walk away, don’t look back” how FUCKING STUPID. Like Gibbs of all people, you should understand that is a SHIT rule. You’ve lost the people you loved dearly and you think she should just never look back? Like are you saying this so that Ellie has a clear head for the undercover op? Are you hoping she doesn’t get herself killed by being wrapped up in what she left behind??? What the actual fuck. Stupid ass rule honestly. It’s what you live by Gibbs and look how well that turned out for you. Look at the family you ditched. Nice fucking job.

“It’s done” and “what are you talking about I did everything you asked” ok she’s 100% being manipulated and almost blackmailed somehow. There’s no other explanation. Eleanor Raye Bishop wouldn’t do this shit. Not willingly, not if she knew how much Nick loved her and how much she loved him (which if her words in just a minute are any indication, yeah she had a fucking clue). Odette calling Nick a loose end just SCREAMS how she purposefully fucking chose the moment Ellie and Nick started to get close to decide it was time for Ellie to go undercover. I just KNOW it. She’s a manipulative bitch and there is no limit to the rock bottom she will stoop to.

Ellie knows who she’s talking about and the just look of fuck I have to actually tell him to his face. The doubt and grief and guilt and all of it, flashing across her face as she realizes she has to do this. She has to face this, she has to lie. She has to break his trust (not that she hasn’t already) something SHE made so painstakingly clear she needed from Nick. Nick is rightfully *pissed* I mean who can blame him. Ellie with her, “I have nothing to be sorry for.” I know Ellie is just doing her best to burn bridges, the hesitation and avoidance leading up to this lends itself to no other interpretation. She is going to say anything and everything to make sure Nick does not follow her. Make sure he stays as far away as possible from her. She can’t bear the thought of him getting hurt in some way from all this. Even though he may not get physically hurt, I don’t think she realizes the heart break is going to be worse. The painful part is Nick understands, he understands why she wants to do undercover. He had seen that glimmer in her eye when they were Charlie and Luis, he gets it, he’s been there. And he wishes so desperately he could impress every lesson he’s learned on her right then and there but at the same time he knows it won’t change a thing. He just wishes in vain that their love would change her mind, even if logic wouldn’t, their love surely could. I think Ellie starts to realize just how much Nick can see through her and that’s why she owns up to the fact that Odette planted the files, and also why I believe the leak was all an elaborate hack that Ellie didn’t know about.

Then we get to the even more painful part of Nick giving us a glimpse of his raw heart. The why now with a voice crack and Ellie’s hedge at now wasn’t her choice with her own voice cracking, just is so so so telling. She could lie, she could really work at burning this relationship in a blaze of glory but she doesn’t, she owns up to the fact that she didn’t purposefully choose now (aka right when they were starting to figure things out between them), she’s not pulling the strings. Nick coming back with so you had a choice is like the little 5 year old boy whose dad is walking out on him again and it just HURTS. And at the same time Ellie is also the young, insecure agent right now who just wants to prove herself. She wants to be viewed as “ready” and the man whose opinion she bases way too much of her self-worth in didn’t say he was proud of her until she was upending her career to go on some deep cover op where she ditches everyone important in her life.

“How long?” “Too long.” Yeah ok FUCK ME. They both know exactly what they’re talking about without even saying the actual words. Ellie’s voice cracks once again because of the emotion in Nick’s voice and what he’s implying. It pains her to leave him and what they’re becoming behind. It viscerally hurts her, you can see it on her face. She doesn’t want it to be too long, but she knows it will be. She can’t fathom that he’d stay or wait for her, she doesn’t think she even deserves that.

Tbh it’s so hard to put this all into words. To fully convey to you how angry and hurt I am over this shit. Ellie’s being manipulated and hurt that she has to burn this bridge and push Nick as far away from her as possible. She thinks its her only out and what should be expected of her based off her conversation with Gibbs because then she parrots his exact words back at Nick when he begs, literally begs her to say something after she was willing to leave without saying goodbye (which we know is because she didn’t think she was going to be able to look Nick in the eye and still go through with it all), “sometimes there’s nothing left to be said” like fuck you Gibbs for planting that in her head. There’s PLENTY left to be said. Clearly Nick was not pleased you blew him off Ellie, he wants you to say anything that would make this make sense (we all are tbh) and she says you know my *favorite* line, “I didn’t mean for us to happen.” Nick is all of us with his “something else” because WHAT THE FUCK. This is how I know Ellie was going full throttle with her strategy of pushing Nick away. This was the one thing she could say that would hit hardest for Nick. The man who is insecure about anyone truly loving him and him being a person deserving of a love that “stays” and for Ellie to say she didn’t mean to fall in love and even though they did she’s still going to leave because it was never in the plan, just damn, stab him in the back and twist that knife Ellie. And just like her body language this WHOLE TIME 💀💀💀 she’s just shaking her head because she doesn’t even believe her own words, she doesn’t want to confront this, she doesn’t want to end this. There’s tears in her eyes because everything she’s saying is a lie and it hurts it hurts so damn much but she has to. She’s been manipulated into believing she has to do this, has to say these things. And his body language too, I mean he is tight. He is standing so rigid, hands clasped behind his back because he’s trying to convey openness and vulnerability and it’s so much growth for Nick, so much growth and Ellie is still ripping his heart out and stomping on it. And when she chokes out that goodbye you can hear and feel how final she believes it to be. She doesn’t think he’ll stick around or even want to. In this vein I think she underestimates his love for her here. And if the show goes a different way with it, they’re little bitches. It is in character for Nick to do everything in his power and outside of the rules to find & save Ellie. I will riot if I don’t see unhinged Nick some point early in s19 (I say like I’m going to watch religiously), because that is the only logical reaction to her leaving like this.

The kiss. It’s a beautiful fucking kiss and it’s ruined by context. It’s an emotional kiss, Ellie throws her body behind it, gripping his face with both hands because she doesn’t want to let him go (even though she’s going to), she clutches to this memory like she clutches to his face. Nick’s clenched expression because he doesn’t want to open his heart up to more heartbreak but when he leans into the kiss and gives the kiss back you know he’s a goner. And maybe a part of him doesn’t care because this may be his last memory of her for a long time and he’s going to burn it into his memory too. It’s why he keeps his eyes shut after she’s left for so long, he doesn’t want to open them and the reality of her retreating back be the last thing he sees of Ellie. He wants the kiss to be the last thing, he doesn’t want to face his reality. His hands had even come out from behind his back, reaching out to her subconsciously willing her not to leave. Meanwhile, Ellie opens her eyes for that last kiss on the cheek to get one last long look at Nick, one last look that will hold her over for who knows how long. A look at his vulnerable face, a face she loves. A look that she hopes will keep her warm at night even though she knows she’ll never get it this close to her again because there’s no way in hell that Nick would entertain the thought of them together again after what she’s done. She doesn’t look back because she can’t. She can’t see Nick’s wounded face just standing there, broken or she won’t go. And Nick tries to stand resolute, the anger and pain flashing across his face before he grits his teeth together and *hopefully* resolves to find Odette and kill her I mean save Ellie I mean kill Odette 🙊

Anyways, there’s only a very specific way this entire finale makes sense. And I know Emily’s pregnancy threw it for a loop, but they can still SOMEWHAT fix this. Do I think they will? Hell fucking no. I have zero expectations, in fact negative expectations. I have a feeling what we were supposed to see is Nick going on an absolute swan rampage to find Ellie and clear her name throughout the first couple episodes of s19 and with Emily leaving the show, I’m not sure how they’ll twist this. I can see why they thought this was a fun cliffhanger because it would eventually be resolved and I do believe they would’ve eventually gotten ellick together after Nick found her. But unless Emily comes back at the end of the show, that won’t happen, at least not on screen. And with that I just 🥲 I’m still mad, I’m still broken inside but yeah. I’m a masochist before anything else apparently and so I made myself rewatch and write this out. A bittersweet pissed off adieu to the WWR. maybe one day i’ll find another ship & show that gets this level of meta out of me, but it’s been real ellick, it’s been really real ❤️

#ncis #ellick #wwr #anti gibbs #seriously do not read if you like gibbs #this is your warning and if you send me hate anon for my take after i warned you you're asking for it #6k of 3 months of emotions right here on the day of the premiere #truly bittersweet to say goodbye to the wwr in such a shitty way #if there's even people still reading/following along #thank you ❤️

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thunderon · 4 years ago

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hi! i saw your tlt explanation post, if you can could you post a quick explanation of what happened with gideon's sword? i've heard that it was haunted by wake but when did that happen? how would harrow know about wake, and how did john not know when he gave her the sword? and how did it get into the sleeper's coffin? sorry i'm just kind of confused, you obviously don't have to respond, ty for the post

oooooh all good questions! this is gonna be as comprehensive as i can make it, so...

welcome to Swords 101 with your friendly neighborhood tlt blogger! here’s my rundown of what we know about wake and gideon’s sword:

im going to talk about the sword in terms of what happened in (mostly) chronological order and at key points ill attach relevant excerpts of where in the text we learn about it

1. so first, wake travels down to the ninth house with gideon in tow. she obviously... does not quite make it.

2. wake dies, becoming a revenant attached to her bones, before later transferring to her sword.

we know this because wake explains it here:

3. we can likely conclude wake transfers from her bones to the sword when gideon is eight

gideon says here:

eight is also the year gideon started training with her two-hander! (she’s 18 at the time of this quote):

and as to how exactly wake got from her bones to her sword, that’s left unconfirmed. here’s what we DO know about how gideon got her sword: harrow identifies the sword wake is lying on as gideon’s, she says:

so somehow wake got in there and was giving bad vibes to harrow. which harrow also says in gtn here:

a theory ive seen going around is “aiglamene is a BoE operative” and i think that’s a fun idea, personally. but it is still heavily on the speculation side of “it could fit” rather than “the signs point to it”

4. gideon takes her sword to canaan house

i probably don’t need to insert any relevant quotes, as this was a very major hard-to-miss plot point

5. harrow kills cytherea with the two-hander, but wake does NOT transfer then

we confirm this here when john says:

so wake was still in the sword at the beginning of htn. which leads to this right here:

6. harrow instructs herself in her letters about the sword

and throughout htn harrow describes how the blade hates her, gives off bad energy, etc. and g1deon calls it a “damned sword” and demands harrow to hand it over (which she refuses without know why)

as to how harrow knew to instruct herself/why she instructed herself? that’s been my major mystery!!!

as to how john didn’t notice when he gave it to her? i honestly don’t know. ive been puzzling that one over as well. ya kno he also denies thinking cytherea’s body is being possessed when harrow brings it up, so maybe he honestly just can’t tell?

7. harrow stabs cytherea’s corpse in the chest in chapter 11 of htn, completing the transfer

as wake was not in the corpse at the end of gtn, this is the only contact that could have transferred her. afterwards, wake-in-cytherea starts haunting the mithraeum. curiously, harrow has no memory of how she got there.

anyways that’s my long winded explanation of how wake goes from: bones -> sword -> cytherea’s corpse

now as for your last question about “how did the sword get in the sleepers coffin”: so the sleeper and wake are the same person and the coffin isn’t really a physical place, it’s all in harrows river bubble. wake is wearing the hazmat suit from her time of her death, and it’s assumed that the sword has some importance to how wake came to be there (and we later learn wake haunted the sword). abigail is confused about how wake had even managed to get there, stating:

AGAIN referencing the mystery 'thanergetic link' john did!

curiously, at the end of htn, harrow falls asleep with the two-hander and frontline titties of the fifth (not a real publication is not just a punchline, IT IS TELLING US SOMETHING)... not to plug my own theories... but i talk about the possible significance of all of that when i answered another ask here which i think has some significance with the sword... and thanergy links... and revenants.......

anyways, hope i answered everything well enough!!!! i tried to include all the passages so you could see where i took everything from. not sure if the was organized enough or if i just came off rambling lol. if you have anymore questions or if i didn’t explain something well enough feel free to come back and ask more!

#asks #this was not quick sorry anon you get my whole giant meta #the locked tomb #harrow the ninth

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kangaroo-sniper-imagine · 4 years ago

Text

Unintimidating reader who’s a killa killa

-snipers is longer solely because ive had that idea in my head LONG before i got this request-

-also, little gorey so beware-

Medic

Ludwig is almost instantly enamoured with you once he got comfortable with you on base. He finds you sweet and calls you “kleine krankenschwester” (little nurse) whenever you insist on helping him in any way with his workload. You apologize when you bump into inanimate objects and try copying Archimedes’ cooing. You’re a cupcake!

And finally he gets a good eyeful of you on the field. You’re brutal and vicious and smiling the whole time as you bash in an enemy Heavy’s head with a sledgehammer. You take out an enemy Scout’s leg with your weapon and let him try and crawl away from you before you finish him off with a laugh. Ludwig is now convinced you’re his soulmate

Our dear doctor loves tenderness that hides ruthlessness. Loves that you are sweet as a bumble bee to your team but a beast to your opposers. He’s excited at the new possibilities between the two of you know that he knows that he no longer has to hide his own ferocity with his experiments in front of you

Sniper

Hell, Mick isn’t even convinced you should be on the field. You wore brightly colored clothes and skirts and for fuck’s sake you bake, all. The. time. You're like Holly Homemaker, why the hell are you hanging with a bunch of mercenaries? How were you even picked for this job? At your first match, he debated on whether he should watch you from his perch to protect you or do his job. He chose his job, duh. But only for a few matches. When he finally decides to track you,and oooooh boy.

An enemy Spy has his knife in your shoulder, pining you to a wall. Mick doesn’t have a clear shot to take out the spook without getting you too. It’s not fun watching a teammate die, even if they do come back. But right as he was about to shift his attention to the main battle he sees it. You. Pissed the fuck off.

Mick watches with interest as you grab the hand that’s stabbing you with one of your delicate hands as the other grabs the spook’s lapel and drag in the enemy, mouths crushing together. A shot of betrayal and shock freezes the hitman before he sees it. The red running down your chin; the struggle of the enemy Spy trying to thrash himself away from you; the look of manic rage in your eye. When you let the Spy go, Mick can see teeth but no lip and it hits him. You bit off the man’s mouth.

After you swiftly wretch the knife out of your shoulder and into the neck of your opponent, you wipe your mouth, you call for a medic and return to fighting. Mick is now a little scared of you, but now will no longer ever think again that you can’t handle yourself on the field. Never brings up what he saw but will sometimes watch you work now

Heavy

Mikhail already finds hardly anyone intimidating, you are no exception; especially with your short stature and demure demeanor. He worries about you honestly, watching you to make sure none of the other mercs try to take advantage of you because you give off the energy of a doormat. It’s his big brother senses in part, he thinks, also in part of because he has a leetle crush on tiny woman who will listen to him drone on about Sasha and Russian literature well into the night.

You do more protecting than defending during the fighting. You watch the case and keep people away from it as Misha mows down the enemies to keep them away from the intel (and you), so he hasn't had the pleasure of watching you work. But buddy, when he gets it. A chance of happenstance allows Heavy to finally see you operate, lets him see you sit pretty as the enemy steps on your hidden bombs and walk into the line of your automatic tracking weaponry and get mowed down in a hail of bullets as all you do is smile and hold the briefcase. So well covered by your own inventions you don’t even need to be worried as the blood of your enemy splashes up onto your clothes

Misha finds you even MORE endearing now. Man loves intelligent women and if you made all of those killing machines holy fuck, could you mod Sasha?? You’re in your element as you effortlessly kill the opponent, and Misha loves watching your inventions do what they do best (he feels a kinship with your weapons as he too, preforms extreme violence to protect you) (He’s still gonna watch your back at the base tho for sure)

Scout

You were like another Spy, except without all the European flair that Spy had. You were kinda bland, tired looking. Jeremy’s never seen you train or fight; you spent most of all your free time being “tutored” by Spy to become a better Infiltrator, and frankly, Jeremy is more afraid of bread than he is of you (and not just the tumor filled bread). Spy hasd insinuated that you were ready to finally be put on the field with the rest of the mercs for the next match, and now Jeremy is more excited to have another person to show off to rather than to see you in action

But of course, Jeremy fucks up. He’s hiding in an empty building, bleeding from a shot from an enemy Sniper, and staring at the wrong end of a Heavy’s gun, hating the feeling of defeat. The Heavy was rambling on about something but the wound in his side had more of Scout’s attention; that is, until, a figure slowly, silently descended from the rafters. It was you, dressed head to toe in black save for a sliver of your team’s color on your armband. You look at the monologuing Heavy before giving Jeremy a look that said “Man, he’s a wind bag, huh?” you gestured to the enemy, then drew your finger across your throat with a questioning look in your eye. Scout manages a weak nod, losing focus quickly.

Another long cord, similar to the one holding you to the ceiling, unraveled itself from around your arm, and very quickly you whipped it around the enemy’s neck, jumped onto his back, and wretched your arms back, almost instantly decapitating the Heavy. Even as the lumbering body fell down, you remained upright, hopping off the body gracefully. With swift efficiency, you kicked the head out of the way, grabbed the comically large gun, and aimed it at the door. Before Scour could even ask what the fuck was going on, an enemy Medic came in through the door. Before the German had a chance to yelp, you shot him dead.

“Yo, what the-!” You hastily toss a med-pack at him before melting into the shadow, Scout almost missing the darkening blush on your mostly covered face. After that little save, Jeremy now goes out of his way to be nice to you, and learns a lesson that looks are hella deceiving. It would pay to have someone watching his back on the field without all the unwanted french commentary (and you’re nicer to look at than Spy, let's be real)

Demo

You’re cheerful, but not in the sadistic, almost taunting way many of the other mercs are like. Not like the Doc or Spook. Nope, you were just happy. Not ditzy or stupid or anything, just a smiley little thing that had as much bite as a toothless alligator. The thought that someone could take you as a serious threat, some wee thing that eats rainbow colored cereal and wears bunny slippers throughout the base, was so hilarious that Tavish starts chuckling whenever it crosses his mind. The two of you don’t typically fight together, you sticking to high ground to pick off enemies as Demo gleefully stays in the thick of it all to implode the other team

Due to unfortunate circumstances, you're both pinned down together, shoulder to shoulder under a makeshift barrier as the enemy gets closer and closer; your bow at the ready with an arrow and his bombs prepared to go off at his command, but no opening to go up and take a shot/throw a bomb. You huff, looking around wildly before nodding decisively, looking to Tavish. “Gimme one of your sticky bombs.” He complies, half thinking that you’re gonna take the both of you out in a blaze of gory glory.

With a look of determination, you aim in front of you, not even at the enemy. Tavish prepares to die for the third time that day, but this time by his own creation, and you release your arrow. The projectile bounces off a scrap bit of metal on the ground, ricocheting the arrow up into hitting the lamppost, and then flying over their heads into the enemy’s ranks. Once the bomb went off, you instantaneously bounce out of the hiding place and opened fire on the stragglers who didn't get offed by the bomb. Tavish can only stare as you mow down the other team as a random stream of sunlight illuminates your figure. Demo catches feels in that moment

Pyro

Pryo liked that you were lowkey and sweet. The fact that you weren’t especially harsh or violent while relaxing initially made them flock to you just to hang out in their down time. Pyro loves to give you cute little toys and stuffies and see you smile! The only time Pyro really sees you on the battlefield is when they’re looking for you. They’re worried about you! You’re their favorite!

They catch you, mid-battle, covered head to toe in the blood of an enemy Scout, laying only a few feet away. They think you look so pretty! Like sparkles and rainbows are all around you and flower petals are floating in the air and surrounding you (it’s ash; pyro started a blaze not that far away and it was finally beginning to get to the two of you)

Pyro just sees this as more couple binding time, now that they know that you also tend to get a little too into the battle. It’s an excuse to spend even more time together

Engineer

This boy was so dang in love with you and he’s never even seen you fight. On the base, you were as sweet as a peach and harmless as a mouse. You spent most of your time in Dell’s workshop helping him with menial tasks like refilling his coffee mug or reorganizing his tools or alike. You got along well with all the other mercs and were quick to help others. Dell never really saw you while fighting because he had to stick near his machines while your job took you all over the battle field

He hears about you fighting from the others. Scout was retelling the group about you “friggin’ awesome fight” between you and an enemy Medic. You had, according to Scout (and Heavy, who nodded along in agreement) got into a fist fight with the enemy, physically beating them into submission. Dell wouldn’t believe it if you hadn’t walked right at the end of the tale with a black eye, bloodied knuckles, and a lopsided grin. Dell almost has a fucking heart attack seeing you in such a state. The Doctor heals you up back to normal like nothing ever happened but the fact that you relied on physical violence to fight made him anxious

He doesn't talk to you about fighting differently, he wants to know if there's anything he can do to help you fight, like making special gloves or armor of some type. Homeboy just wants to protect you, he gets hella worried.

Soldier

Jane, seemingly perpetually stuck in the 40’s and 50’s, believes most women shouldn't be on the battlefield at all. And even though you were there working with a bunch of other mercenaries, a lady is a lady and he, the old fashioned man he is, prioritizes keeping you “safe” (taking your kills before you get the chance to land the finishing blows). In his mind, he’s doing you a service. After all, you are far too soft spoken at the base to have any form of bite in you on the field.

Across the field though, one fight, Jane was just too far away to swoop in and “save” you like he normally would; not even his rocket launcher would get to you in time to stop the Spy from doing you in! The instant the enemy’s knife was about to pierce your back, though, Jane saw you turn around whip fast, your own machete thrusting forward to impale the enemy.

The soldier now thinks that your “womanly intuition” is far more superior and more finely tuned than his own, and will now generally leave you alone to fight and stops hovering over you. Will shout out encouragements from across the field whenever he sees that you hack someone apart and loudly brags that you have the “natural advantage” to sniffing out enemies.

Spy

-This is gonna be a drabble cus i dunno how to bullet point this-

Jacque didn’t think particularly much of you. You were a teammate, an asset to be used. On the base you were reserved, spending most of your time in the Doctor’s infirmary or discussing something with Mikhail about books or whatever. You stayed out of his way, not like it was hard for you, seeing as you were just some wisp of a thing, someone who if they sat still long enough would blend into the background like air. Spy never assumed that you would ever be of any use to him in a fight; you just didn’t have the look of a fighter in you.

So right now, his life being in your hands, made him uncomfortable in ways he couldn’t care to count.

The enemy Spy, who was almost as tricky as him, cleverly disguised himself as Jacque, and right as they were about to confront each other, you burst through the door, looking surprised at the two of them. Almost immediately, they started to accuse the other.

“He’s the enemy!”

“No, HE is!”

“The intruder is HIM!”

Jacque will give you some props, seeing as you drew your gun as soon as you saw the pair, but rather than aim it usefully at at least ONE of them, YOU aim it uselessly to the floor! Jacque would’ve scolded you for your unprofessionalism if the imminent threat of death wasn’t less than six feet away from him.

You looked wildly in between the two of them, your normally pleasant face now stricken with panic. Your eyes land solidly on the enemy Spy, and with a sharp intake of breath, you run to him, throwing your arms around him and burying your face into the falsely colored lapel.

Jacque felt disappointment bloom in his chest, along with dread when he watched your mistake.

The spy looked so damn smug as he wrapped his arms around you, throwing Jacque a satisfied look. The gun still was gripped in your hand, still aiming at the ground.

“Ma pauvre petite fille,” he crooned, “est-ce que le grand méchant espion t'a fait peur?”

You sniffle, and bring the gun up to the imposter’s head. “Je n'ai pas facilement peur.” Jacque didn’t think you could ever say something so coldly, and say it in french to boot. One shot rang out and the man in your arms fell to the floor, suit changing back to what it was meant to be, stained with red from the blood of his fatal wound.

After some deliberation with yourself, you shot him again, in the chest. You looked to Jacque, your face now once again passive.

With a sigh and a dramatic flourish, the living Spy fetched a cigarette out of his pocket and lit it quickly, taking a deep huff before addressing you.

“How did you know that he was not me?”

You holster your weapon back, mulling over your answer. “Few things, uh… you never speak French to me,” you stuck out one finger, “you wouldn’t ever hug me,” another finger, “you don’t stand with your feet that far apart,” one more, “and you smell completely different.” with all but your thumb sticking out, you nodded to yourself before jamming both hands into your pants pockets, tucking in your chin and turning heel back to the door, seemingly finished with your explanation and conversation.

Amused, Jacque took another slow drag of his cigarette, planning on paying more attention to you in the future, being sure never to underestimate you again.

-this, uuuuuhhh, took on a life of its own-

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luminary-lost-on-mars · 3 years ago

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♡ + kaito & kokichi!

@takinghisbow

this got. really long, really fast. because i love writing about these kinds of things, so. they’re answered under the cut. <3

who is the most affectionate?

- until they start dating, kokichi is probably more affectionate when it comes to flirting and gestures because kaito wouldn’t want to rush into anything while they’re just building trust.

- kaito would probably be more affectionate in consistent, small ways, like listening to him and taking what he says at face value unless kokichi is trying to get him to think, so he can build trust. he also definitely spends a lot of time with him alone, just to get away from the others for a bit and to spend time building that trust up. he likes that he doesn’t have to wear a mask with kokichi.

- after, though, for canon kaito, he probably figures out what levels of affection are okay early on and makes sure he gets it. all. the. time. he doesn’t want kokichi to feel like he’s alone at all.

- for shy!kaito, he probably does a lot of the same things that he did before, just on a more obvious level, and he does his best to make sure kokichi feels loved and appreciated. but i can definitely see kokichi going out of his way to fluster him as well.

who initiates the most handholding?

- kaito. both as a reminder that he’s not alone and when he gets overwhelmed by the people around him. for shy!kaito, that’s even more of an occurrence.

who worries more for the other?

- kaito. the man was literally trying to get him to open up to him in-game while kokichi was self isolating, and that’s not going to stop after.

- however, i feel like when they get closer, kokichi will get more protective of kaito, just because he knows kaito tends to prioritize the wellbeing of his friends over himself.

who is more likely to ask for help?

- kaito, but i feel like they both have trouble asking for it for different reasons; kaito because he doesn’t prioritize himself as much as he should and struggles with it, and kokichi because he has issues with trusting others.

who is the one always losing the keys?

- kaito, because i can see kokichi having a designated spot for them and kaito does his best to put the keys there, but he’ll get absent-minded and put them down somewhere random, and they’ll both spend hours looking for them if he accidentally dropped them behind some furniture or in a spot that’s too high for kokichi to see.

who leaves little love notes for the other?

- i can definitely see kokichi leaving them behind as little pranks but they’re all little doodles on sticky notes with sappy captions because he has trouble verbalizing how he feels, and he just puts them in random places where kaito will find them.

- kaito definitely keeps all of them in a little box somewhere, and if he loses the box, he looks until he finds it again.

who can’t sleep unless the other is there?

- kaito. for what i hope are obvious reasons. after a while, he doesn’t get nightmares that often, but sometimes he will, and it’s really reassuring to see kokichi curled up next to him.

- for that reason, i think kokichi would leave little sticky notes on the nightstand if he gets up in the middle of the night telling him where he went so he can come find him. sometimes it’s a bit inconvenient, but he doesn’t mind that much.

who is more likely to propose to the other?

- honestly, for them i don’t think either one of them would necessarily propose- i think they would talk about it and then go out and buy rings together. kaito doesn’t want to spring anything on kokichi, and i think kokichi would probably (maybe not as much by then, but still) might be a little apprehensive about admitting he wants to spend his whole life with him.

- that and shy!kaito would probably have a hard time verbalizing it at all, so a conversation would better instead of a full-on proposal.

- they might still do mini-proposals, though. i can’t see kokichi passing up on the opportunity to do something like that. and shy!kaito would be really proud of himself for asking him, even if he already knew he’d say yes.

who introduced the other to their family first?

- i have. no idea what either of their real life families are like, so. umm.

- kaito taking kokichi stargazing *definitely* counts, though. space is his home, to a degree, and he’d love to ramble at him about all the different stars and their stories and the events in space that happened related to them.

- and kokichi telling kaito about dice would be bittersweet, but a really good bonding moment for both of them, i think.

- so probably kaito?

who is more likely to play with the other’s hair?

- oooooh. (this is one of my favorite things to do so. yeah.)

- i’d have to say kokichi? just because kaito keeps his hair tied back and i can definitely see him teasing him about the hair gel while he messes with it. and kaito would let him. kaito would definitely let his hair get long, too, unless he had to cut it for astronaut reasons.

- however, kaito definitely loves brushing kokichi’s hair. (and someone needs to re-dye kokichi’s tips every once in a while.)

who makes sure the other has meals/ stays hydrated?

- they’d both be awful at it. they just would be. (although shy!kaito would probably be more reliable with it than canon kaito.)

- so when one of them realizes it’s been a while since he’s eaten, he finds the other one and they both have a meal or snack break. it starts before they leave danganronpa headquarters and then it just becomes a habit.

- if they’re not around the other, they call or text.

who is more likely to stand up for the other?

- hands down, kaito. hands down. he won’t have anyone talk badly about kokichi, not after what they went through. shy!kaito is a bit more soft spoken about it, but he’s just as determined.

- however, kokichi definitely steps in when kaito is prioritizing other people too much and needs a break.

who is more likely to prepare a surprise for the other?

- kokichi more consistently does it with his sticky notes, but i think kaito would make sure to do something for kokichi every once in a while.

- he also likes to prank him, but nothing bad. he doesn’t want to accidentally start a prank war he’s sure he’ll lose. that and he doesn’t want to break kokichi’s trust- he worked hard to earn it, and he’ll be damned if he loses it.

who makes the other pinky promise not to do things?

- kokichi. both as a combination of trust issues and because it’s something he would have done with dice.

- however, kaito, especially shy!kaito, will do it occasionally, knowing kokichi sees pinky promises in a high regard, especially if he’s really anxious about something.

who puts a blanket over the other when they fall asleep on the couch?

- kaito. and it’s his coat, usually. (and for shy!kaito, that’s practically a declaration of love right there- his coat is one of the things that consistently got him through the game.)

- however, at first it probably is just a blanket- it’s too reminiscent of the press, and neither of them will get over that quickly. (and they probably break down crying when doing that doesn’t make either of them feel like kokichi is going to die. it’s really bittersweet, but it makes both of them happy.)

#m.omo-chan #shy!k.aito #ask meme #this took me close to an hour #but i loved every second of it #even if the angst made me sad #it's mostly fluff tho #oumota

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even-more-incorrect-ego-quotes · 4 years ago

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(Things the Egos say to Y/N at Unus & Annus’s funeral, Part 2)

Magnum, patting Y/N’s shoulder: Aye matey, mayhaps ye treasured friends aren’t lost to ya. Mayhaps they be simply beyond the veil, just waiting for ya to see again someday.

Henrik, taking a sample from their bodies: Aha! Yes, this will work nicely... fret not, liebling, I’ll have them back in no time!

Host, narrating softly: Host gives Y/N his deepest condolences and offers his shoulder for Y/N to cry on if it’s of any consolation.

Eric, barely holding back sobs: I-I’ve been to so, so many funerals... too many... I’m so s-s-sorry Y/N... so sorry... you’re a good-d person... you don’t deserve this, this pain...

Jackie, shaking with rage: How fockin’ DARE time steal them away from us! Fight me, ya bastard! I’ll beat the EVER LOVIN’ SHIT OUT OF YOU TIME!

Ed Edgar, holding up a picture of a baby: I know this is a bad time, but all things considered, I have a mighty good discount on this ‘ere--- *gets slapped with a pan by Y/N*

King, holding a baby squirrel: Acorn The 3rd and I would just like to say that you are so strong for being here. You are forever welcome in the Squirrel Kingdom whenever you want a cup of tea.

Dr. Iplier, staring at you intently: They were dying, we knew it all along from day one. But you aren’t... not yet at least. So eat as many apples as possible, I don’t wanna be the one to tell you when you are.

JJ, tilting up Y/N’s chin: They were some right ol’ chaps, Y/N, I know it hurts now, but their legacy lives on in you. So hold your head high, it’ll all work itself out, you’ll see!

Silver, rambling uncomfortably: Uh, so well, ya see, the thing is, they gotta be in a better place, cause, otherwise, they’d be, ah, here with you. Not that with you isn’t a, uh, a good place! Just that, well, I mean… *trails off*

Reporter Jim, waving a microphone: Which of us do you think killed them, hmmmmm? It must be the demons, right Honorary Jim? Oooooh, or maybe that witchy woo cat over there!

Cameraman Jim, zooming his lens in: Jim, of course, is right, Honorary Jim. I should’ve caught ‘em in the act! Lemme roll back the tape!

Illinois, flashing a soft smile: They may not have been as ruggedly handsome as me, but they sure knew how to have an adventure. Hold onto that, hmm? One adventure alone is worth a thousand tales, and you all had so many.

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ishouldnotbhere · 3 years ago

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curious! who in blue lock would you genuinely want to be bestfriends with? and why?

OOOOOH that’s a hard question to answer DDD:

Part of me wants to be like… Barou? Bc other than the fact that I am an obvious simp, the idea of being one of the only people whom Barou tolerates on an equal level just appeals to me lol.

Also, he’s such a mom. Total mom friend. When the members of the Blue Lock squad (+U20 crew, maybe, counting only Oliver, Sae, and Shidou) are legal and they inevitably go out bar-hopping at those ridiculously high-class clubs only Reo can afford, Barou’s fussing over everyone, whether he himself likes it or not. He’s yelling at everyone over the music to “Drink water, goddammit!” and handing them water bottles if they’re too out of it. He’s helping them not get filthy when their stomachs can’t hold up, he’s driving them home, and he’s texting them remedies to deal with hangovers because he cares for his friends he needs them to be in peak physical condition for practice and for fuck’s sake, they need to learn how to take care of themselves like adults and not make such a big fucking mess and dirty everything up. Especially the cleanliness part. Barou tells Chigiri he doesn’t care if Chigiri breaks a leg, that Chigiri’s useless anyway, that Chigiri picking his hair up off the floor is more important than his silly stupid leg.

At the same time, Barou helps Chigiri bandage his knee after practice. Not because he cares. It’s because the tape is rolling around untangled and messing up the floor. Don’t get it twisted, buddy. That’s an hc btw lol that was not canon but I totally see him as that kind of person because look, they may be ridiculously talented, but they’re still human as well as children. 5’7”+ babies

But I do believe Kunigami would be the loveliest friend. We’ve already seen it in the manga. He’s trustworthy, reliable, and a man of character, and yet (maybe precisely the reason) he still helps out teammates who readily dismiss or ignore him or possess none of the nobility Kunigami carries. He’s the friend who’s got your back no matter what, supports you always, pays attention to your minute, seemingly meaningless habits, and lets you cry on his shoulder.

The scene that solidified my love for him (other than his adorable blush when Isagi complimented him) was when Nagi chose advancing in his newly invigorated passion for soccer over his relationship with Reo despite everything Reo has given him (including soccer itself), coldly turned his back on Reo, and Reo is breaking down—his love for soccer, in fact, is one and the same with his love for Nagi but no one could understand, no one could possibly understand, and he’s weak, so weak—and Reo is despairing, collapsing in front of a pack of vultures, and at that utterly abysmal point when he’s certain of nothing except his own isolation, buried under the weight of his perceived inferiority, Kunigami has his back. This kid who is technically Reo’s rival and has just as much reason as the others to watch Reo fail, who has barely interacted with Reo before the match, lifts Reo up. Makes him watch Nagi’s retreating back. Makes him feel the visceral pain. And he says, “Never forget this moment. Let it consume you. Let it burn you. And once the embers have fallen quiet, let the final sparks fuel you.”

I think it was in your previous ask where I mentioned how Barou and Shidou are on opposite ends of the spectrum of ego. Barou plays for his own sake, while Shidou plays for soccer’s sake. I believe Kunigami exists outside of that spectrum altogether. His character is almost cliché; the typical hero-idolizing boy who hopes to grow up to become the chivalrous, upstanding men in his comic books. But in a cutthroat world where young men stop at nothing to gain an edge, where competition is the name of the game and the possibility of elimination far outweighs any chance of survival, where the life of a person hinges on being out for himself and himself alone, Kunigami is literally… an alien. Off the rails. Just, straight up, he doesn’t belong. He’s kind. He’s good. He sees, he feels, he cares. Who in their right mind does that in a place like Blue Lock?

Kunigami’s not selfish like Shidou, or self-absorbed like Barou. He doesn’t play soccer for soccer, or for himself. Rather, Kunigami plays soccer because he loves supporting others.

In the spectrum of ego, where the HECK does that fall?

I believe that’s why he’s a Wild Card. I guess I’m going all English-teacher-pointing-out-symbolism-that-was-never-intended here. All of the characters have pointed out that, other than his physique, his actual talent isn’t all that remarkable. But he stands out as a person because in a prison that intends to stamp out all civil decency, Kunigami is still good and kind. And that, above all else, makes him the best friend you could possibly have.

I can’t believe I’m rambling like this over a manga about soccer-obsessed high schoolers. Insert that “calm down, Greg, it’s just soccer” meme here lmao. These boys just got me feeling things .-.

#thank you so much for asking me this fantastic question!!!#I’m sorry I always take so long to get back to you #it’s because I know I’m going to write so fucking much about it that I postpone answering until I have time 😭#I love Kunigami so much when will he come back from the war #I totally bet Kunigami will shift the balance of the game once Barou makes his moves and Sae achieves flow #blue lock #my post

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generallybarzy · 4 years ago

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hey there, stranger. iv

one, two, three

an: as you can tell, i’ve been having a really, really rough time lately. I haven’t been posting, so I hope the length of this chapter makes up for it a little bit. Not including a summary here because you all know what this fic is by now, and if not, the other chapters are linked above! I hope you enjoy this. I have to thank @royaltyofhockeylosers, @thirteenisles, and my potato anon for always being there whether I have to talk about this fic or my personal life!! I love you all and I absolute would not have gotten through the past week or even posted this fic without you!!!! The ending scene of this chapter (you’ll see) is the first part of this fic I thought of, what I basically wrote the rest of the fic around, and honestly one of my favorite scenes ever.

word count: 3.7k

the playlist :)

Two more weeks and countless games passed before Mat was asking about another date.

You were sitting in class, daydreaming about that night- his arm heavy around your shoulders, pulling you into his side, his scent surrounding you, his hoodie swallowing you, the way his hand was big and warm in yours, the way his pretty hazel eyes softened when he looked down at you, the way your heart leapt when he leaned down, his eyes slipping shut for that first kiss… when your phone vibrated.

Handsome maty: hey babe! i don't have practice tomorrow, you wanna do something? ❤

The heart emoji made your own heart beat fast. So you were at that point of the relationship already, huh?

You'd never know, but Mat was terrified to send that text. He typed it out and deleted it multiple times, running his hands through his hair and closing his texts to call Tito and ask for advice. Was it too early for hearts? Would you be scared and run off? Would he sabotage a great thing just by showing you how much he cared? But in the end he remembered.

“I wanna date you. Like, officially. I want it to be us.”

“I want it to be us too.”

And God, he really did.

You wanted to go out with him again, you really, really did, but there was one thing preventing you from doing that. And that one thing preventing you from seeing him was the same thing that got you together in the first place: the Seidenbergs.

Rebecca had called you that morning, joyous and chatting about a mystery date she was going on and how Dennis surprised her. And while you were as overjoyed for her as always and couldn't wait to see the kids again, it sucked that even though the older man was retired from hockey now, his and Mat's schedules seemed to be clashing. Whenever Mat wanted to take you out, the Seids were going out.

You: maty, I really wish i could. But I have to babysit tonight 😥

❤maty: no problem, I can come help! The kids already know me anyway

You didn't expect him to be angry really, but you at least wanted him to be upset. You were expecting the sting of guilt when he responded with that sad, puppy-dog way of his. But what you weren't expecting was the easy compliance he gave. It took a few moments for you to process his message, you were overthinking. These weren't your kids, would Rebecca be okay with you bringing Mat as your boyfriend? Or would that be inappropriate? Then, Mat sent another message.

❤maty: or if this is your way of trying to turn me down easy or hint you don't want to hang, you can just tell me. I promise I won't be upset, babe. But I'll come help if you want?

And that did it for you.

The fact that he thought you didn’t want to hang out was hurting your heart. Maybe you didn’t kiss him the other night, but you didn’t want him to think you were uninterested. Especially when it was quite the opposite. You couldn’t stop thinking about him if you tried. As you sat through boring lectures in class about things you once paid attention to, you found yourself daydreaming. Of how his lips would feel on yours, how soft, and pink they looked. How they parted slightly as he leaned down, his warm breath fanning over your own...

You wanted to kiss him, you really did, but something held you back. Nothing had ever felt wrong with Mat before, but something just felt so strange. It felt off, and you hated it. Maybe it was the fact that it had been so long since you had a real boyfriend, maybe you were scared you wouldn’t be good at kissing after so long, maybe you were scared of this relationship getting too serious, that after that kiss, you’d be too far in and Mat would get tired of you. Maybe you were scared of heartbreak again. Whatever it was, you panicked and drew away. He took it so well, he was sweet and patient and didn’t judge you for wanting to wait. And it just made you fall even more.

God, what you would do to kiss him now.

You: trust me, i really want to see you tonight. but we need to ask rebecca and dennis first

❤maty: done ✔

Usually, all your worries about guys went out the window when you walked in the door to the Seidenberg’s household. You could forget about boyfriends, drama, work and your studies for the night and focus on the little kids that had strangely become like friends to you. But tonight, your anxiety about boys- a certain boy in particular- was spiking. You were going to be spending the evening with Mat. You couldn’t help the way your heart was pounding as you tried to compose yourself in the bathroom before the Seidenburgs left on their date. It wasn’t going to be a long night, the sun was already going down, so you’d probably just put on a movie and then take the kids to bed. You smiled at yourself in the mirror as your mind drifted back to the night of your almost-kiss and how patient and gentle and ready Mat was.

“(Y/N), someone’s here for you!” You heard Rebecca call from the front door. You quickly brushed some flyaway hairs back and took a few breaths to steady yourself.

Mat.

“Yeah, I have a feeling I already know who it is!” You called back with a smile in your voice, opening the bathroom door and making your way to the kitchen. Rebecca and Dennis were standing there, ready to leave and, both smiling like they knew something you didn’t, the door was only cracked slightly and Mat hadn’t yet come inside. Before you could even ask why he was still out in the cold, your matchmaker motioned towards the door.

“He’s waiting.”

You could barely even open the door the whole way before your lips fell open in a little surprised O. "Mat."

"Hey there, babe." There he stood on the doorstep, looking absolutely warm and cozy in all sweats and a hoodie, in those signature white shoes he'd been sporting on every date so far. The cold November wind tossed his hair around and a bright flush painted his cheeks in happiness as he held a bouquet of bright flowers out in front of him. When he saw you trying our best to contain your smile, his face split into a huge grin. And when he smiled, your heart almost leaped out of your chest. "You have no idea how hard it was to find these so late in the year."

"Oh my God, Maty."

"I hope this isn’t too cheesy, but I figured, if we're gonna be together all night, we might as well make it a date, right?"

Your heart fluttered, you wanted to pull him close, kiss him right there, but it wasn't the right time, especially not with the Seidenburgs standing right behind you in the kitchen. You reached out, grabbed his hand, and grinned. "Get in here, you big goof. You’re gonna get a cold."

The Siedenbergs were giving their goodbye kisses to the children when you stepped inside with Mat. And as they left, Rebecca winked at you and glanced back towards Mat, who was chatting with Dennis and beautifully oblivious to your cheeky silent conversation and busying himself with the kids. The second he stepped in the doorway, it seemed, the kids were all over him. "Maty!" They must have missed having him around.

It was obvious they missed having him around, as they were jumping around his legs and rambling about things they’d been up to lately the second they could get to him. And Mat listened intently and with the softest smile, and it was obvious he really loved them too.

The youngest children were talking about their day at school when you took the bouquet of flowers out of Mat’s arms, and suddenly they seemed interested. ‘

“You got flowers?"

"Yeah! Aren’t they pretty? They're from Mat." And suddenly the house burst into little "oooooh"s. Ah, children.

"You got (y/n) flowers??? Do you liiiike her?"

"I do like her." Mat’s eyes found yours and smiled, a hopeful, almost unsure smile as if he was really urging you to feel the same. You weren’t about to go on about your still young relationship in front of children, so you just smiled back.

"Are you best friends?"

"No, more than that."

“Ewww-”

“Alright,” You cut them off, just wanting to stay off the topic of feelings, romance, and relationships. This used to be the place you went to forget about those things, but you couldn’t do that with Mat here. Not that you were upset, you loved having him here, but there was something about talking about your relationship that still made you a little uneasy. And you hated feeling uneasy about him. "Do we have any homework to finish tonight?”

Something twisted in your heart while you watched Mat sit at the kitchen counter and help the kids with their homework. There was something so domestic and warm about these situations that it almost made you nervous. Was it way too early in the relationship to be imagining these things with him? It was so soon, everything was happening so fast, that it scared you. You didn’t want to love again, you didn’t want to hurt again, but everything about Mat made you want to risk it all.

That feeling struck you again as you stood in the kitchen, washing their dishes and watching Mat reading at the table with their little boy as the girls colored. Mat was helping him along softly here and there and giving him a little high five at the end of each page, and even though you absolutely did not want children any time soon- you could barely afford to get by yourself- there's just something about a man that's good with kids. And Mat was great with them, probably because he acted like a kid himself and already knew them well.

"Can we have ice cream?" Mat glanced up at you in amusement to gauge your reaction to the bold statement of the youngest girl.

"Ah, I don't know how your parents would feel about that."

“Pleeeeease!”

“Ice cream, ice cream, please!”

“I think the general consensus is that we all want ice cream.” Mat grinned a stupid little shit-eating grin and the children nodded along with him. “C'mon, Y/N. Don't be a party pooper." You almost couldn’t believe that Mat was gonna betray you like this, but it seemed so like him. Taking risks, living, having fun.

"You're such a child, Mat."

He looked up for a moment with wide, worried eyes, as if really worried you were upset with him, but the smile on your face must have given it away, because he smiled back proudly. "Yeah, I am."

"Alright,” You smiled at the looks of glee around the table, from all three of the kids and even Mat. “We’ll have ice cream, but don't tell your parents." The kids cheered thanks at you and Mat, who was still grinning widely up at you from the table. You couldn’t quite read the expression on his face, but when he stood from where he was to take the ice cream out of the freezer and his arm curled around your waist for a second while the kids weren’t watching, you were so flustered you had to look away with a smile. He made you feel so tingly and warm. “So, what movie are we watching tonight?”

A few hours later, you were sitting on the couch with Mat, battling through your second run of The Little Mermaid while the kids watched and colored and got drowsy.

You and Mat had stretched out under a thick, fluffy blanket, your legs on the sectional and his propped up on the coffee table, which he insisted was okay because he "used to do it all the time". Your head was resting against his bicep, and the moment his arm curled its way around your shoulders, your breath hitched in your throat. And he must have noticed because he glanced down at you with that same gentle question as the other night when he tried to kiss you.

Too much? Too soon?

It might have been too much, you might have panicked a little, but if you were learning anything recently, it was that you needed to take a risk and stop being so scared to get hurt. So you curled further against him, bringing a leg up to bend across his lap and winding your arms around his waist. His hand fell heavily onto your knee, rubbing it and pulling you closer in under the blanket, and his lips quirked up a little at the ends. This was warm, gentle, soft, perfect. Everything around was drowned out, save for the noise of both of your beating hearts pounding against each other, and he reached up to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear with pink cheeks.

“Hey there.” His breath fanned across your lips, smelling of the sweet ice cream you’d all been snacking on earlier.

“Hi.”

Your breath hitched in your throat when his hand cupped your cheek, your heart sped up and your cheeks went hot as he furrowed his brows as if considering something.

Please just do it...

🎶"Sha-la-la-la-la-la

My, oh my

Looks like the boy's too shy

Ain't gonna kiss the girl

Sha-la-la-la-la-la

Ain't that sad

It's such a shame, too bad

You're gonna miss the girl"🎶

“(Y/NNNNN).” You snapped up at the sound of your name to see the little boy yawning and rubbing his eyes. Mat swallowed thickly, turning away and refocusing on the movie in front of him, as if he’d even been watching in the first place. “I’m sleepy.”

“Yeah?” You untangled yourself from Mat and stood from your cocoon of comfort under the blanket, despite wanting nothing more than to stay in his arms all night. “Alright, Let’s get you to bed, buddy.”

When you returned to the living room after helping the kids through their nightly routine and tucking them into bed, you found Mat turning off the TV and gathering up the coloring books and dishes to put away. You locked eyes with him, feeling absolutely flustered and wanting to cuddle him. He looked back at you, chewing on his bottom lip as if he had something to say, but he kept silent. It was quiet, but not tense, as you moved around the kitchen. Putting things away and cleaning up and smiling as you bumped into each other. He seemed to open his mouth for a moment, considering his words, but he said nothing, and you couldn't even get the chance to ask him if the two of you could crawl back under the blankets before the front door opened and in walked the Seidenbergs.

Dennis and Rebecca thanked you over and over again, quietly, as the kids were asleep. “I hope Mat behaved himself too.”

“It was like having a fourth kid to look after.”

“Hey, I wasn’t that bad.” He smiled at you across the table, a little secret in his eyes, hinting to the moment on the couch where you’d almost… almost kissed. No one had to know about that. Not yet.

The moment you offered to get an Uber and head home, Mat spoke up softly, grabbing your attention before you could leave. “Hey, my place isn’t too far from here. Let’s go on a walk. We can call you an uber from there?” He spoke almost shyly, giving you a tiny smile, his head cocked to the side and his eyes sparkling with glee, tilting his eyebrow up in question. You only nodded at him, smiling back with matched enthusiasm, and headed out the front door, hand in hand, with the Seidenburgs smiling fondly after you.

Outside, flurries had started coming down, a light dusting of snow beginning to lay in the patches of grass beside you. It was frigid, and even Mat’s hoodie and your own jacket didn’t seem to do much work to protect you. But being pressed against his warm body, your hand in his was so worth it. “Maty, it’s snowing!”

He chuckled at the childlike enthusiasm of your words. “Yeah.”

He watched you with awe as you gazed around at how the snowflakes sparkled in the streetlights. “You know,” you began, squeezing his hand and pulling him back to reality, “I love the snow. I love winter. Everything is so quiet and peaceful. As a kid, you would go to bed one night and wake up the next morning with inches of snow on the ground, without ever realizing anything happened. It happens so quietly, so serenely, so softly, without anyone realizing. It’s a surprise. I love that.”

“Yeah?”

“All the best things happen softly.” There was a moment of silence as the words settled peacefully between you, and Mat pondered your words. “No, that probably sounds dumb.”

“No, that’s beautiful. You could be a poet.” All the best things happen softly. He agreed. Like the way he was falling more and more for you every day, like falling onto a bed of down and soft pillows, like falling into a lover’s waiting arms after a long day, like the warmest embrace of tangled limbs and tickly hair in your face. Like falling in love. “Plus, being cold means cuddling. Like tonight.” He nudged your side teasingly and squeezed you against him. “I liked that.”

“I liked that too.”

“Sorry we couldn’t do something else tonight. I usually don’t make my boyfriends babysit with me so early in the relationship.”

“No problem.” He smiled and tugged you closer into his side. “I love hanging out with those kids. And there’s no place I’d rather be than with you, babe.”

Your face got hot at the pet name. You’d never get used to someone calling you that. It’d been so long. “You’ve gotta be careful calling me babe. I might just fall for you.”

“Huh.” It was barely a whisper, but you heard every word. “Maybe that’s the goal.”

You walked in silence once again, a comfortable, gentle silence, with only the sound of leaves crunching under your shoes and rustling in the breeze, until Mat came to a stop in front of a tall building.

"So, this is my place."

"Yeah?"

"So I should probably call you that Uber…"

"Probably." But Mat made no effort to pull out his phone, his hand stayed still, laced through yours.

The air between your bodies was heavy, not with tension, not with dread, but something much, much softer. Something needy and aching, something that made your cheeks heat up and your hearts beat faster, as you took in the sight of each other. Maybe it was still the idea of being in a relationship again that had you both so flustered, had you both weak in the knees. Maybe you just couldn’t believe you had someone like this. You reached up absentmindedly to tuck a stray lock of Mat’s hair behind his ear, to shake away some of the flurries, giggling softly with him as his hand bumped into yours while reaching up to do the same to you.

“Hey there.”

Mat let out a warm puff of air, a soft sigh, his eyes melting into warm, honey-like pools as he gazed down to you, “Hey.”

“It’s chilly.” You began, but your words were cut off. Cut off by the feeling of a warm palm against your cheek, tilting your head up to meet a pair of lips in a gentle touch. It wasn’t a kiss, not yet, but rather a question. A murmur of hope and a suggestion, a gentle urging to follow him, to dip your toe in and try out the waters, maybe swim with him. And as he began to back up, having asked his question and letting you free to ponder it, your hand unlaced from his and you stretched up on your tiptoes to grasp his cheek. Your hands were small and soft against his cheeks, the tips of your fingers tracing his pretty cheekbones and cupping his jawline and tugging him closer to you, sliding back to the black hair at the back of his neck. A perfect fit. Like yin and yang.

He sighed out against your mouth as you sunk into him, his own lips curling up in a smile as his hands came up to cup you against him in this gentle embrace. Cradling the back of your neck, his fingers chilly and making you shiver as they dipped under your hair.

And when you finally broke apart from what felt like an eternal embrace that had no boundaries, Mat leaned his forehead down against yours, his eyes gentle and sleepy and warm as he gazed into you, and wow, he was so beautiful. He was breathing softly against your lips, as if the kiss had knocked the air from his lungs with its power, no matter how delicate and precious, and each warm puff of air he sighed against your lips made you smile.

“I- uhh,” He laughed sheepishly, reaching his hand up to thread through his hair- a nervous habit you’d realized a while ago. “I kinda forgot to ask if I earned that kiss yet.”

It was your turn to laugh now, sinking back down to your flat feet and leaning up to press a kiss onto his chin. “You did.”

He laughed at your little peck to his chin and pulled you into an embrace, entwining your bodies together and sharing your warmth, not caring who might be able to see you. There it was, he had his kiss. It was better than he'd ever had, better than he could've ever hoped for and better than he ever imagined. And it was with you. Your fingers were combing through his hair, and it was making him sleepy, and he wanted nothing more than to have someone to sleep next to tonight, to watch the snow fall outside his bedroom window from where they lay together in the comfort of his sheets. He wanted the comfort, the coziness, the peace, the softness. And he wanted it with you.

"Well, I hate to ruin the moment," you started, turning to look up at him "But you should probably call that uber soon. Before I freeze to death out here."

"Mhm."

But Mat did nothing, he stayed where he was, gazing down at you and glancing up at his apartment, eyebrows furrowed in thought. "Hey, Mat? Whatcha thinking?" He looked down at you again as you continued to thread your fingers through his dark locks, seeming to have made up his mind about something. With a sigh and a smile, he held your hips and pulled you against him, leaned down, ghosting his lips against yours once more and making your heart pound at the sound of his whisper:

"Stay the night?"

#mat barzal #mathew barzal #mat barzal x reader #mat barzal fic #nhl fanfiction #nhl fic #op #fic

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