#this is one of my favorite commissions. ever. i had such a fun time drawing this

[the-100-days-of-junkan]

Day 50

Wow. fuck it’s weird to think we’re halfway there. 50 fucking days of Junkan . . . How’s everyone holding up?? I’m still writing these in advance so I have no idea if Future Jem is holding it together having to wait day by day for these, especially as we enter the period of the project where a lot of our favorite pieces come in.

So anyway “No Regrets” There’s the fic again for if you haven’t  read it and are interested.

There is a LOT to talk about with this one. So much that I’ll likely put this in a read under once again. I’ve got history, fun facts, scrapped(?) ideas, and memes.

Let’s start with my history with writing in general. Because the biggest thing that comes to mind with this fic is that it was the first time in Four Years that I had ever written something.

When I was, say, around 15 or 16, I entered the Death Battle Community on Deviantart (I swear to god this is relevant and I won’t take too long). It did a lot of things for me, it gave me a source of income when I was confident enough to open commissions, it helped me make a small amount of close friends (eventually leading to even closer friends), is the community that introduced me to Danganronpa in the first place, and it’s where I first started writing.

Now obviously, what I was writing were fights between fictional characters, most often to the death. With some attempt at a logical outcome for the match. And the account is so old and untouched that it still has he/him pronouns baked into it. I still have a lot of pride in some of the work I did on that account despite the equal amounts of dumb bullshit, grammar issues, and a severe lack of proofreading.

But shock of all shocks, Rocky Balboa fighting an Anime Character (yes that’s really the last thing I published online, it was like 40,000 fucking words and it made someone cry allegedly), is a far cry from a fic about Junko Enoshima really wanting to swap spit with Mikan Tsumiki.

 Suffice to say, I was very, very nervous about writing again. However I’m a woman with too many ideas, and not every idea can be done through just drawings alone. Especially with how I was doing things at this point. This wasn’t the first time I had desired to try writing fanfic, I still have a RWBY x Kamen Rider W fanfic haunting my brain to this day. But it was the first time I had felt so tempted. However as you might have gleamed over time whether through these posts, or talking to me personally, I have a severe lack of self esteem, ESPECIALLY when it comes to writing. And it was even worse at the time of this fic. This was the biggest roadblock for the it.

However, Junkan broke me once, causing me to draw Angst shipping art for the first time. So it only makes sense that it would break me a second time, making me write a god damn fanfic. And I made plenty of memes about this too, which i’ll post in order of creation. 

As you can tell by that last one I was fucking nervous as hell making this, which is understandable since it’s completely new territory for me in a medium i hadn’t touched in years. However, enough friends who also liked DR seem to be into it, so I was able to post it.

My AO3 account was of course originally a secret because at the time of this fic being made I was still deeply paranoid over anyone knowing I shipped Junkan. Now granted CJ is kind of an obvious alias given y’know, it’s just the initials of my fuckin main account. However it does require that someone on AO3 also have a Tumblr account and also be aware of a chick named “Carbonated-Jem” who at the time was drawing a suspicious amount of separate Junko and Mikan art.

Last thing before I talk about the actual fic. This was posted February 4th. Which fucks with me because I’m pretty certain that means that the first 50 Days of this project (reminder that most of the colored ones were after the fact) were made before that date. Half of this project was done in One Month at most. How the fuck did I do that????

Okay. So the fic.

The idea was simple at first, what if Mikan saved Junko from dying at the end of DR1. And then it spiraled from there.

This is not something I plan to talk about on this blog or anywhere but the privacy of my friend groups very often. But I am not a big fan of Danganronpa 3, I have very little nice to say about it, but my biggest issue with that Anime is it’s handling of Mikan. I do not like that Mikan was boiled down to just being whatever that was in the anime, since while I’ll never say that it was definitely a perfect relationship even with what we had teased in DR2, I think there’s a lot of nuance to the way Junko and Mikan described their relationship (moreso Mikan since last I remember at most Junko just made heavy implications that she broke each class member one by one with unknown methods). So seeing it be . . . that in the anime, just never sat right with me. If it were not for events that will be discussed later in the project, I would have been fully adverse to this ship as a result.

As you can see now I’m not only all for the ship, I’m dangerously brainrotted over it dsljfhsdlaf. How things changed.

Point is, regardless of whether you like DR3 and how it handled this dynamic (In which case, more power to you despite my lack of understanding), I had less than fond thoughts toward it. So you can kind of see this fic as also like, a way of me trying to do something more productive with that negativity rather than just wallowing on it. 

I’m gonna be real until Mikan jumps in to save Junko I don’t feel very strongly about the intro. You can very much tell this was my first time writing in 4 years, and not just that but it was me writing Junko for the first time rather than drawing her, and to take it EVEN FURTHER this was at the time the closest I had ever gotten to depicting the canon versions of the characters rather than Non-Despair takes on the characters like I was for every pic before and after this. Which yeah spoiler, beyond I think 2 instances later (there MIGHT be more) everything in this project is non-despair in nature.

You can probably still look at a lot of the art as like, just them dating Pre-Tragedy I suppose? But that’s up to you and your suspension of Disbelief.

Tangent, sorry. Back to it where was I.

Oh yeah, so I don’t know when the hell the idea for the Neo-World Program being implemented came in. But when it did that’s when I had like a solid vision for where I was going.

I think originally Junko wasn’t going to enter the program alongside everyone else? But the more I thought about it, it was like the only sure way that she could get what she wanted in the end. Since if Mikan came back reformed, whether with partial memories or nothing at all it’s a hard sell to think Mikan would be willing to go back to Junko outside of the specific circumstances that brought them together in the first place (that said i can’t say the idea of Junko trying to win her back isn’t interesting). I’d find it more likely for a full reformed Mikan in this context to like, get with Hajime or Ibuki.

So I threw Junko into the program as well, despite my concernsI did actually have a lot of fun writing the interactions. Not just Mikan (we’ll get to her in a sec) but also with Makoto. 

Writing Junko’s first moments in the program was my favorite part though, from what I remember at least. Especially once she starts giving Mikan her full attention. And that’s where we finally get to the art piece.

So here is the singular fun fact about the art. Junko had the bear clips originally, but I realized after the fact since the Neo-World program put the cast in their outfits prior to becoming Remnants, it’d make more sense to give her the bunny and bow clips instead. So I edited the art at some point to make that more clear. 

Anyway here’s the interesting part. There was in fact a time where this was going to be a series. 

The original intention was always a Oneshot, but you know how the mind tends to wander, it was inevitable that I’d be tempted to think about what else could happen in this timeline. 

It would have mostly been a Slice of Life series, more rom-com elements. Focused on the developing relationship between Junko and Mikan, essentially kind of recreating how they first met and fell in love, albeit with less of the evil girlfriends stuff.

Another part of it is that because Junko’s plans are on a hard hiatus till she gets off the Island, and more specifically because of Mikan’s influence on her in these very specific circumstances, the NWP actually does start reforming Junko on some level. I’ve always loved the idea that Mikan could have the potential to help Junko become a better person, whether it’s a Non-Despair AU where that means she just stops being a bitch to everyone (or at least mostly stops), or in Canon where she ponders that maybe starting the apocalypse isn’t the best course of action.

I did plan to try and write the rest of the DR2 cast, which admittedly was a roadblock because I had no idea what the fuck I was gonna do for characters like Nekomaru for example. I’ve only really latched onto a small handful of the overall cast of DR, so i’m severely lacking in my ability to write most of them. I did plan for Junko and Chiaki to become besties though, I feel like under a normal context Junko would just think Chiaki was really funny.

So it would have mostly been romance and shenanigans, one way I thought of to just give random little plotlines for Mikan and Junko was the MonoMono machine. Have Junko just get a bunch of coins and gamble away at the thing getting random items. And then said items just make the plot for the chapter.

That idea is what made me think of the other half of this fics equation.

So you know how there’s a fucking painting of Junko made during the Tragedy??

First off, missed opportunity to have that be a “Love” item for Mikan, would have been great foreshadowing.

Second off, actual point. I was like “how the fuck is junko gonna react if she sees this??” So I realized that while I wanted to have this overall fic have a lot of fluff and shenanigans and Junko kissing Mikan. There is in fact the elephant in the room of what’s outside of the program.

So, why not have Junko by some means start remembering reality, and realizing everything she’s been responsible for. Most importantly, killing her sister and killing Chiaki (yeah I would have kept Chiaki being a real person and not just an AI, partially just cause I think that’d hurt Junko more), and then having to cope with all of that because by that point Mikan would have unintentionally helped to make Junko a less apocalypse hungry person. 

And beyond that I don’t think I had any plans to show like, the aftermath of the program working. Partially because I feel like that’s reaching a level of writing I’m not mentally strong enough to pull off properly, partially because I think keeping it vague similar to how DR2 did it would have worked.

Now all that said, on some level I would try to like writing that story. There’s just a lot of hurdles I’d have to get past first. Not just my normal “Writing makes me want to slam my head into the wall” issue, but also stuff like-

How do I write the other characters when I have very little experience with them?

I actually have to make a plan for this one, I can’t just wing it like I did for the Vampire AU.

I have to write the Canon version of Junko for a big stretch of it and as I already established I barely grasp how the fuck to do that.

I just have other things I want to do which includes other writing.

So if you’ve made it this far into my inane ramblings, would YOU dear audience like to see this fic? I can’t say for sure how soon it would be assuming the response is positive, but I wouldn’t be opposed to making the attempt if there’s even mild interest for it.

Anyway, thankyou for your time! Hopefully will be awhile before I yap this long again.

As always, Reblogs, Comments, and Little Notes in the Tags are appreciated!~ They always make my day!~

[punkitt-is-here]

the cutiemark crusaders try to get a cutie mark for speedrunning

[datura-tea]

holy shit this year marks 10 years of this blog and moz!! i can't remember the exact date i started posting here - my archive says i have one post from november 2013 but let's disregard that - but i do remember it was around late 2014/early 2015 :)

^ one of the very first moz art pieces i ever drew, for fallout week 2015!!

memories and art through the years under a read more bc it got long

2014 → baby's first rpg!! i started playing fnv on my cousin's jailbroken xbox late 2013 and finished mid 2014 and i loved every minute of it. i remember waking up at 8am and playing almost nonstop until 2am the next day haha!

i didn't play moz on my first playthrough - but i did start creating a character that would eventually become her: a shorthaired ex-boxer who punched her way through obstacles when diplomacy failed. i remember she spent a lot of time with boone. i liked him then, because he saved my ass more times than i can count. but i digress. this is draft 1 moz essentially

2015 → this is the year that i was doing my thesis so i could graduate but i was so depressed and stressed about it that i distracted myself by replaying fnv on pc, where i played through the dlcs for the first time. i fell in love with the dlcs' oversarching story; particularly ulysses, who i became obssessed with, especially since i couldn't find any content of him at the time. in the game, i played as moz; i had most of her personality and choices down, but her backstory was still up in the air.

fun fact: this was an existing sideblog that i remade to be a fallout blog so i could look for ulysses content, and when i couldn't find any, i made some myself, featuring moz as my main courier six. originally, i didn't ship them, but eventually i ended the year as a courier/ulysses otp shipper.

this was the year i started drawing digitally - my uncle let me borrow a drawing tablet and i used an old copy of photoshop i pirated hehe

2016 → i graduated this year!! and promptly fell deeper into my depression. this was the year that it got so bad that i had to be medicated. through it all, this blog and moz and ulysses and my fandom friends were with me. and for that i am truly grateful :) this was the year i figured out how to lock transparent pixels so that i could color my lineart lol

2017 → i started hammering out moz's backstory this year i think. there's a lot of sketches of her and her family in my files. i experimented with shading and backgrounds here but that experimentation was pretty short-lived

2018 → i started using references seriously!!!! i did a lot of oc on oc kissing this year, featuring mostly moz and many friend ocs haha

2019 → didn't draw much this year. actually this year was a blur and i can't remember much from it except from it being the year of my terrible no good bad copywriting jobs... anyway i did manage to continue my courier/ulysses brainrot and make this piece, which i'm still proud of

2020 → pandemic time. i spent a lot of time asleep at home and i think this was also the year i started doing commissions?? shoutout to anyone who has ever commissioned me - thank you so much, i truly appreciate it!!

2021 → i switched from my old-ass pirated photoshop to clip studio paint and never looked back. also i did a bunch of commissions for my grandmother's surgery, which failed, and i distracted myself from the sadness by drawing my ocs over and over and playing disco elysium

2022 → by this year, i've got moz down pat and have started vaguely developing other ocs instead. but she's still always at the back of my mind

2023 → i bought new brushes from true grit texture supply and immediately found new favorites that i started using for everything. i tentatively started incorporating background elements in some pieces!

2024 → while it's still too early to say where this year will lead me art-wise, i will say that i started experimenting in realistic paint studio (which i bought in 2021, the same time as clip studio paint) a few days ago and i'm liking the results so far. we'll see!

all in all, these last 10 years have been quite a ride, but i'm glad i stuck around and i'm glad you guys stuck around too!! much much love 💖💖💖

[princessofmerchants]

Which scenes from acotar- acosf with Nesta are your favorites? 👀

Thank you for this ask, anon! This will be super fun to list out all of my favorite Nesta scenes from the ACOTAR books.

ACOTAR

"Tell me everything that happened." - When Feyre returns to her family halfway through the book, and we learn Tamlin's glamour didn't work on Nesta, and Feyre starts to understand Nesta's inner fire in a way she hadn't before. This set of scenes launched Nesta right on to my list of favorite characters - they are pure fire.

Feyre teaches Nesta to paint - This is a brief but, to me, utterly beautiful moment amid the set of scenes I listed above. It's when Nesta asks Feyre to teach her to paint, and in particular it's the moment when they emerge from where they had been painting together and both are covered in paint and charcoal, even as it's clear Nesta isn't very good at it but she wanted to try anyway, with her sister. Some day I want to commission an artist to draw Feyre and Nesta in this moment of ACOTAR. It fills my familial heart right up every time I read it.

ACOMAF

"Wings and Embers" bonus chapter - When I first read this bonus chapter, the way Nesta's pov in this extended scene made me feel seen by words on the page, in a way I never had felt seen before, is something I cherish.

When the human queens visit the Archeron estate - Nesta makes a passionate and uncharacteristically vulnerable plea to the queens to protect the human lands south of Prythian, which leads to Cassian promising to protect the humans even if the queens will not. It's another beautiful example of Nesta being vulnerable in a public way, and it moves me every time I read it.

"The hellcat now, if you'll be so kind." - When the King of Hybern orders Nesta to be pushed into the Cauldron and forcibly Made Fae. This entire scene is devastating and traumatic. But watching Nesta fight back with the rage we first glimpse in "Wings and Embers" makes this an absolute standout Nesta scene for me. The finger point at Hybern and his unnerved reaction are everything to me.

ACOWAR

Scenes when Nesta is training with Amren - I always loved these and even though my present canonical feelings about Amren are mixed to poor, the way these scenes brought out a side of Nesta we hadn't seen yet make them special to me.

The meeting of the High Lords - Both during it, when Nesta as the Night Court's new Emissary to the Human Lands makes a public and, again, incredibly vulnerable case to those assembled that the humans are worth protecting, and also the scene just after the meeting when Nesta senses the Cauldron and Cassian believes her without question, which is just one of many of the embarrassment of riches we get in this book when it comes to Nessian.

When Nesta scries for the Cauldron with stones and bones - Everything about this scene is chef's kiss, but especially the Nessian dynamic in it.

Nesta screaming for Cassian during the battle against Hybern - This doesn't need an explanation, does it? As we learn later, it's the moment Cassian realizes they are mates. It is everything.

Cassian lifting Nesta to greet Drakon and the legions he brought with him, and the arrival of Papa Archeron - This scene, also during the battle, means so much to me that it's depicted in the first ever artwork I commissioned.

Nessian's stand against the King of Hybern - the way they fight together and are willing to die together sets me alight whenever I read it, and it's always fascinating to me that SJM manages to show us this scene from within Feyre's pov, who isn't even present for it.

Nesta and her father - His last words to her.....ACOSF shows just how important and complicated this moment is for Nesta, and it's for those same reasons this scene is so important to me.

Nesta kills the king - I love that Elain is the one who appears and makes the first blow on this kill, and that when Nesta finishes the job she lifts the king's head like the badass that she is. There is such trauma and rage in this moment and, again, seeing that baldly on the page is transformative for me every time I read it. Related to this moment is a little while later when the Archeron sisters walk past the King of Hybern's corpse, and Nesta spits on it. So raw, so perfect.

ACOFAS

Nesta's pov - After her fight with Cassian, the small snippet we get in Nesta's pov when she returns to her apartment, locks her doors, and completely dissociates in despair. It is so painful and raw, but again there is something about this scene that also makes me feel seen, especially heading into ACOSF.

ACOSF

(I need to do these rapid fire because, if I give an explanation for each one, this post will take forever to write; they also may be listed out of order, my apologies for that)

The Prologue - Nesta in the Cauldron from her pov

Opening scenes in Nesta's pov where we finally learn what she's been going through

Nesta's nightmare after her first try at scrying

Nesta successfully scrying for the Mask (when the room turns cold and Cassian kisses her back to herself after using her power)

Nesta fighting the kelpie in the Bog of Oorid and then reuniting with Cass and Az

The first time Nesta wields a sword

Ch. 50 - Nesta and Cassian by the lake after their hike through the Sleeping Mountains

Nesta's fight against Lanthys in the Prison

Nesta bringing Cassian to her family's cottage (this scene is absolutely standout for me)

Nesta, Gwyn, and Emerie making friendship bracelets together

When Gwyn gives Nesta and Emerie her Solstice gift to them ("We're in a book." "Our stories are worth telling." *sobs*)

Nesta working through her PTSD response to the sound of fire and then the House of Wind's Solstice gift to her in the heart of the House

Nesta dancing at the Solstice ball (when this leaked ahead of the book's release, I sobbed at seeing a glimpse of Nesta healed and joyful)

Ch. 58 - Cassian giving Nesta the Symphonia, her response, and Nessian finally yielding to each other and their mating bond solidifying

Nesta mastering herself during her fight with Cassian about their mating bond and choosing not to hurt him with her words

Nesta, Emerie, and Gwyn fighting off a group of random Illyrians during the Blood Rite like a single Valkyrie unit

Nesta sending Emerie and Gwyn to the summit of Ramiel and holding the Pass of Enalius

Nesta erupting with the power of the Cauldron

Nesta's conversation with the Mother while wearing the Mask during the birth of Nyx

Nesta visiting her father's grave at the very end of the book

[luvtonique]

I just woke up and I chose violence let's go.

Look all I'm sayin' is

If you're gonna attack AI generative art

You should, for the same reason, attack Toby Fox.

The reason I've seen the most for people not liking AI is that it's not "Real art" and that it "Takes jobs from artists" and that it "Steals from other artists"

Well, then, let's talk about how Hopes and Dreams by Toby Fox uses fake Violins to mimic a symphony orchestra. Toby could have hired a real orchestra but he used a fake one and y'all came in your drawers over it.

Why'd nobody ever lift a finger to cover social media in how Toby Fox doesn't deserve to make money because his song "Undertale" uses a fake guitar that sounds just like a real one? He could have hired a musician to play guitar but he didn't! That cost a REAL guitar player a job, didn't it?

And how come when it was found out that Toby Fox stole entire lietmotifs from other games like Kirby n shit, y'all had like 600,000,000 excuses to defend him?

I don't dislike Toby I think he's amazing, like 100/10, one'a the brightest examples of a success story of all time and one of the nicest most pure-hearted people on earth who made two of my favorite games of all time and a ton of my favorite music. Spider Dance has been my ring tone for like 8 years.

I'm just saying, the literal same reasons I see people attacking AI gen art is shit that Toby does, all of it, and y'all worship Toby for it but attack artists.

And neither here nor there, but hear me out?

Y'all will say you're in defense of artists keeping their jobs and their livelihoods which is so very noble of you, but if an artist draws shortstacks that are just a little too short, or if an artist utilizes AI, or if an artist draws Rose Quartz skinny, or if an artist draws Sans and Frisk getting a little too Frisky, or if an artist votes for Trump, or if an artist says a dirty word you don't like, or if an artist draws a black person that looks just a little bit too stereotypical, or if an artist draws a lesbian character getting fucked, or if an artist doesn't believe in gender identities, or if an artist doesn't put trans characters in their graphic novel, or if an artist makes a sexy character with butt-jiggle the protagonist of their video game; Y'ALL ARE COMPLETELY OKAY WITH SAYING THAT ARTIST SHOULDN'T BE MAKING MONEY, AND BANDWAGONING A HATEMONGERING BRIGADE AGAINST THEM.

Or in the Sans and Frisk case: PUT SEWING NEEDLES INSIDE OF COOKIES AND GIVE THEM TO THE ARTIST WHO DREW IT, PUTTING THEM IN THE HOSPITAL.

Listen

Spare me this "We hate AI because we care about the jobs of artists" shit, you lying scoundrels. You don't care about my job! You've tried to cancel me like 500 goddamn times, got my Patreon frozen twice, got my PayPal frozen over 100 times even right in the middle of conventions, flooded my stream chat and spammed the N-word in chat trying to get my Twitch banned, flooded my Discord multiple times with links to CP trying to get my Discord banned, and you have entire Discord servers literally called things like "Jay is an asshole" and "The We Hate Jay Society" (YEAH I KNOW YOU FUCKERS EXIST, HI, HAVE FUN SCREENCAPPING THIS).

My artistic career has been under fire for the past 12 years because I draw things y'all disagree with, have opinions you don't like, and have family members who vote for politicians you think are the boogeyman that's the cause of all your problems (and haven't disowned those family members). With all due respect, when I hear "We hate AI because we believe in fair wages for artists and want to protect the jobs of artists" I just wanna strangle your lying ass.

You hate AI because it's popular to hate AI.

AI is like a prosthetic robot arm that helps you carry the groceries, and disabled people like myself (rheumatoid arthritis) benefit from its uses greatly (such as being able to draw backgrounds much easier which has greatly improved my art and INCREASED MY COMMISSION REVENUE DUE TO MY ART QUALITY IMPROVING [But y'all don't care that AI helps artists earn more money, you hate AI because you claim it's hurting artists' ability to earn money]), but you're so hung up on people using the robot arm instead of their real arms that you think you're some crusader against injustice.

You aren't.

You're just looking for reasons to attack people, it's what you do. I've been dealing with y'all looking for any goddamn reason to attack someone that you can muster for the last 12 years, hell even before that I dealt with you types. You just want to hate, you want to be prejudiced so fucking bad that you look for literally any reason you can possibly find to make some vaguepost about how much you hate an artist and post it to Reddit, and then when you get called out, get so surprised that I found your bitch ass that you start pretending you didn't mean any ill will, and start pretending that you're someone else in the most pathetic attempt to dodge blame I've ever seen.

[Context: The OP of this post accidentally revealed who they are on Tumblr, and then when I called them out on Tumblr, they pretended they were someone else because they were scared I was gonna out them on Tumblr and they tried pathetically to cover their ass, and even politely said "I never wanted to garner hate against you" when they literally posted "I hate the way he draws women" on r/mendrawingwomen and flooded the comment section (mostly now deleted) with how "disgusting of a person" I am, while I was in the comments politely giving context to the shit he was saying about me, and he started getting furious when other people were liking my art and agreeing with me instead of him. I have like 600 screencaps of all the cringe this guy spewed, but I'm not gonna post it all because it's tangential anyway. Case in point? This guy's blog is absolutely covered with how much he hates artists for drawing things he doesn't like, and he regularly posts about how AI is taking jobs from artists. Not gonna out his blog, but that's who he is. A shining example of exactly what I'm talking about. "I hate AI because it takes jobs from artists!" "THIS MAN-THING DRAWS WOMEN IN A WAY I DON'T LIKE AND HE'S A DISGUSTING PERSON, EVERYONE JOIN ME IN HATING HIM AND TRYING TO RUIN HIS REPUTATION AND THEN WE CAN CELEBRATE WHEN HE LOSES HIS JOB!!!"]

Like, y'all can sit there and act like you're defending me and artists like me all you want, you're liars. You're boldfaced fucking liars. You are disgusting. It's completely pathetic watching you attack a tool that can be used to improve our art, and claim it's in defense of the authenticity of our art and the continued financial stability of our artistic careers. Fucking give me a break.

You're looking for people who say positive things about AI art so you can attack them and feel justified because it's popular to attack them.

All while sitting there and gladly swallowing the cum of any musician who makes amazing music with synths, fake symphony instruments and autotune.

"We care about the jobs of artists."

Yeah.

Long as those artists fall in line with your opinions and only draw things that agree with said opinions, right?

Wouldn't wanna care about the jobs of "problematic" artists who draw "offensive" stuff or vote for politicians you don't like.

Final note: This isn't even an attack against any political opinions or activism or anything like that, but I'm being realistic here because these are the people I see brigading against AI art. It's not me saying those people are dumb for having their opinions or political standpoints or being activists for their beliefs, it's me saying those people are the ones who are constantly attacking AI art in "defense of artists," while in the same breath attacking artists for not sharing their political standpoints or also being activists for the same causes. If you truly, truly cared about the livelihood of artists, you'd stop attacking artists' livelihood for disagreeing with you. Or for that matter: Any reason. Stop attacking artists' livelihood, or stop pretending you care about it. Be consistent, at least.

[choicesficwriterscreations]

January Creator of the Month: Jerzwriter

Each month, CFWC highlights one of our talented fanfic writers or artists, and this month’s creator of the month is CFWC's own @jerzwriter.  The writer is selected at random. More info can be found on the navigation page.

Quick Links:

Tumblr Blog Complete Masterlist

How do you want to be known on Tumblr? 

Elsa

More below...

1- When did you start playing Choices? What was the first book you played? 

It was sometime in 2017, and the first book I ever played was The Royal Romance, Book 1.

2- When and why did you join Choices fandom?

I joined a couple Facebook groups in 2019. I just wanted to discuss stories with others who were interested, as no one in my real life reads Choices. I didn't even know I was entering a fandom. lol I started reading fanfic on Tumblr the following year, but I found Tumblr intimidating, so I was mostly a silent reader. I didn’t start writing and contributing until May 2021, mostly because Open Heart was ending and I was in denial. 🙂

3- How did you pick your blog name? 

It’s pretty boring, actually. I’m from NJ, and I write. I wanted it to be JerZwriter, so people would know it is Jer-ZEE-Writer, but that wasn’t doable, so it’s Jerzwriter, and most think it is Jerz-Writer. Oh, well!  

4- Pull up the first and last posts in your archive, and tell us about them!  

My first post was the first chapter of my Ethan x Casey x Tobias love triangle, Delaying the Inevitable (OH).  It was my very first fanfic and I really didn't think I'd write anything beyond that.  I was so green back then, not only to fanfic but to the fandom as well. I’m really glad that I was naive because I don’t think I would have had the courage to post it if I had, but I’m glad that I did. 

My last post was Falling for You, a little drabble I wrote for Tobias x Casey (OH), and it featured a commission by the talented artist @weetlebeetle. It was a light, fun piece that took place early in Tobias and Casey's relationship, and it shows Tobias at his absolute simpiest. Lol 

5- Do you write fanfiction, create fan art, or are you one of those really gifted people who do both? 

Oh, how I wish I could draw, but I can't.  So, I’m strictly a writer. I may try giving drawing a go again, but I don't expect much to come of it. lol

6- How long have you been creating for Choices and for any other fandoms?

Choices was the first fandom I ever wrote for, and I started in May of 2021.  So, just over two and a half years. I have written a little bit for some other fandoms since that time, but I primarily write for Choices.

7- What is your favorite Choices book, and what is your favorite Choices book to create for?

Tough question.  I write for Open Heart, Crimes of Passion, and Wake the Dead, and they are three of my favorite stories. I also loved Desire & Decorum, but I never wrote for it.  Though, I’m planning a re-read, and you never know. 🙂

8- Share your first Choices fanfic or fan art that you posted with us. Do you still like it, or would you change it if you were creating it today?

It was the first chapter of Delaying the Inevitable. I was so green when I started that series that I’m sure there are things I would change, but I’m still very proud of it.  That series will always have a special place in my heart.  I’d like to revisit it one day to “clean it up”, it could use some condensing. But I would never change the storyline.

9- What is your favorite piece of fiction or art that you created? 

This is such an unfair question. lol The Delaying the Inevitable Series definitely comes to mind, but I’m also very proud of my Eli Sipes prequel stories, A Mother’s Journal, Coming Up Blank, and The End of the World. But Tobias and Casey are my favorite pairing, and I simply love the world I created for them. And while my headcanon for them is my favorite, I cannot pick just one fic for them, and I'm not going to! lol But, I've also written a bunch of AUs for them, and Friends* is one of my favorites.

10- Do you have a fic/art that you didn’t expect to be well received, but it was? What about one you expected to do well but found it could use a little more love?

Yes, to both! The fandom is much smaller today, but back when we were more active, I learned you couldn't predict how a fic would be received.  There are too many to name, but I will say whenever my smut does well (and quite a few of them have), I’m always astounded. lol 

11-  If you could write only angst, fluff, or smut for the rest of your writing life, which would it be and why? 

This is such a difficult question because I believe the best stories incorporate a little of each, and, as a writer, exploring all three helps spur creativity. Also, my absolute favorite is angst with a happy ending, so there is definitely some fluff in there (and I'm never mad at a little smut being thrown in!) But if I were forced to choose, it would probably be angst.  I think that's where I am strongest, and I just love raw emotion. I think that’s where character development really occurs. I have not written as much angst recently, and I miss it.  Perhaps I need a change in 2024. 

12 - Do you ever recognize yourself in any of your MCs or in your writing?

There are definitely parts of me in my MCs and OCs, but I do my best to prevent them from becoming self-inserts.  I'm not as cool as any of them, that's for sure! lol That said, I do find inspiration for my fics in real life, so there is bound to be a little crossover. When using real-life inspiration, I try to change details so that the fiction is not a carbon copy of the real-life event. Normally, by the time I'm done, they're hardly recognizable.

13 - What element of writing/art do you struggle with most? Where do you feel you are strongest?

I struggle most with setting a scene. Dialogue is my strong suit, and that just flows for me. It flows so much that sometimes I forget to describe what's going on around the conversation. I think this is particularly easy to do in fanfiction because so much of the "world" has already been provided for us, so I recognize this more when I'm writing original works.

The other thing I struggle with? Brevity. I know I can go on, and on, and on. lol I've gotten much better at this, but there is still room for improvement.

14 - Do you have any neglected work you really want to finish?

(Elsa leaves the room, quietly crawls under her desk, and hides…) YES!!! Far, far too many, and no matter how much I share those posts that say, "You don't have to finish! If you're not feeling it, move on!" I don't believe it! lol I really want to make wrapping them up a priority in 2024.  But I also know writing - particularly good writing - cannot be forced.  So, it's a goal, but I'll only do it if I feel it’s right. 

15 - If someone you know in real life (who isn’t involved in fandoms) asked to see your work, would you let them? If yes, what would you show them first? 

It would depend on who asked.  I’m not ashamed of writing fanfic at all, but if I believed the person would be judgemental, I wouldn't be willing to share.  A few of my friends have read select pieces of my fanfic, and I’ve always received positive feedback from them. I wouldn’t be opposed to sharing more.  What I'd share would depend greatly on the person asking.

16 - Are there any writers (published authors and/or fanfic writers) who influenced your writing or art? Are there any artists that influence you?

There are many published writers that I admire, but I don’t think they've influenced my writing here. Within the fandom, there are many writers who have inspired me in different ways. There is no way I can ever name them all. But I'd like to give a shout-out to some.

@jamespotterthefirst and @bex-la-get were among the first writers I read when I joined Tumblr. I found their passion for both canon and the worlds they created inspiring, especially as Open Heart was nearing its end and all of us addicts needed our fill. Reading their works helped keep the story alive for me and so many others, and it inspired me to try my hand at it as well. To my shock, they were both so encouraging and supportive of me when I arrived, and I'm forever grateful. Back then, I thought they were rockstars - and they are! But now, they're also friends. I wasn't familiar with @alwaysmychoices from the start, but when I came across their work, I was just blown away.  Weekend with Dr. Ramsey will live rent-free in my head forever, and that headcanon about Charlie calling Ethan the night before she marries someone else. (I faint.) Ohhh, the delicious angst! The way she made me feel what Charlie felt was just mind-boggling, and it encouraged me to really dig into my character's emotions and bring them to life in a more meaningful way.

Early on, I read @utterlyinevitable, and the thing that impressed me the most was how Dom was willing to "write stories that “went "go there.”  They tackled issues that others wouldn't touch.  In their world, everything wasn’t perfect, including the characters themselves. I admired that vision and, frankly, bravery, and it definitely encouraged me to write what I wanted to and not what I felt was expected of me.

More recently, @mydemonsdrivealimo inspired me to explore parts of my MCs that I have not delved into in the past.  In particular, Casey's bisexuality. It can be challenging to represent a bisexual character when they are in a straight-presenting relationship, and you risk alienating readers no matter what you do (looking at all readers here.) So it becomes easier to be lazy and ignore it. But that's a disservice to the character as much as it's a disservice to people living similar situations in real life... like I have many times. Through MJ's writing and our conversations, they've helped me become more aware and do a better job in this regard, and I'm not even sure if they know this - it may totally be news to them lol - but I'm eternally grateful. Now, I feel my girl Casey is free, and OMG, how I love our characters playing together in HC now!

Then there are @lilyoffandoms and @storyofmychoices, who bring joy to all that they touch. Who knew when Lily created a little drabble putting our characters in a new world together, it would end up being one of the brightest fandom spots of 2023? Who knew that so much more would stem from that one work? Seriously, it's been one of the highlights of my fandom experience this year, and it's helped me to find inspiration at times when I felt like it was lost. Thank you both - I am so lucky to have you both here!

There are so many more I could mention, but I'd still forget people and feel horrible, so I want to take the chance to thank every writer in the fandom for sharing their gifts with us. Each of you is an inspiration in your own way; each of you can give someone an idea, and you have no idea where that spark will lead. So, never stop sharing!

17-  Which one of your stories would you most like to see as a movie/series? 

Delaying the Inevitable, Friends*, All in the Past, and the WIP What’s Forever For. I also think some of my Ethan x Tobias works would have made for a good sitcom, and how I wish my Tobias x Casey friendship with Bryce x Jensen would be an epic sitcom. The world needs it! lol   (Jensen belongs to @mydemonsdrivealimo.)

19- Do you write original fiction or create non-fandom art? 

I do. Mostly shorter stories that will never see the light of day, but also some more substantive works... which will also never see the light of day! lol I wrote a novel-length political thriller some time ago. It would need a ton of work to bring it up to 2024, as the political landscape has changed so much. I also have two original WIPs I've been writing. One is an angsty story about a friendship that's loosely based on a childhood friend I lost to cancer a few years ago.  The other is a polyamorous romance about two best friends who fall for the same person. It's really a beautiful, emotional story. If I like the end result, maybe I'll let it see the light of day... maybe. lol

20-  What other hobbies do you have?

I enjoy theater, and I'm lucky enough to live in the best part of the world to partake in that.  I go to a lot of Broadway, Off-Broadway, and local theater productions. I also love going to concerts - they’re like group therapy! Trust me, I got more out of seeing Noah Kahan and Hozier in 2023 than I did from the entirety of sessions with my therapist - and I loved my therapist. lol

Prior to 2020, I did a fair amount of traveling, and I hope to start doing a little more this year.  But I have to admit, since the lockdown, I’ve become more of a homebody, and I like it, so we’ll see how that goes! 

I used to be very involved with activism and advocacy for women’s, lgbtq+, and mental health issues. I still am, but in a different capacity than I was in the past. These issues require people fighting for them, and doing so has always been a huge part of who I am, but it can be draining, and burnout is real. I really reached the end of my rope. So, nowadays, I work as a volunteer for a couple local organizations that really mean a lot to me. I'm not involved in grassroots efforts or taking trips to talk to legislators as often, but I'm helping people on a smaller scale, and that still goes a long, long way.

22: BONUS - tell us anything you’d like (if you want to).

As most of you know, I’m one of the mods here at CFWC, so it was a little weird when my the wheel landed on my name.  But, honestly, it’s happened before, and I've just spun again, even though I am eligible. But this time around, I decided to do it. This fandom really means a lot to me, and I wanted to share a little more about myself and my crazy pixelated people.

I'm truly grateful to everyone in the fandom who does their part to make this a place that many, like me, still see as a place they want to be. We're smaller, it's imperfect, it has plenty of problems, but I am choosing to focus on the good... because there is much more of that than there is bad. So, thank you to each of you... and I hope we all have a wonderful 2024! xo

PS... My header... I know Tobias wasn't technically an LI... which was truly criminal. So, that's what fandom is for, fixing what canon effed up. lol My favorite canon LI is Trystan Thorne (COP). I tried adding their picture to the header alongside Tobias, but it looked terrible, so here I am. :)

Thanks for taking the time to read this, and I can't wait to highlight more of you in 2024! :)

[sgtmickeyslaughter]

Art Tag

Thanks for putting this together @deathclassic! and thanks for the tag @spookygingerr

Have you always been interested in creating art? : Yes from day one

What's your favorite medium to use? If digital, what programs do you like? I use digital (procreate) most often now, not sure if it's my favorite but it's easier/cheaper than playing with all the mediums I like to use and allows for a little more freedom to play and experiment

Do you create outside of fandom? Yes! I draw and/or paint almost every day in my sketchbook and I work in architectural design so I sketch ideas with co-workers/clients

Share something you haven't finished and/or never got around to posting. Ooof so this haunts me - I have always always wanted to put together a full comic, so I had planned to make a comic version of my fic In Your Love, it's ultimately too much work ... so much potential, absolutely no time

Favorite piece you've made?

Sooo hard bc my favorite piece is for a fic I did but haven't posted yet... very soon though! Until then, my favorite piece is the watercolor I did for the fanart masquerade

Draw your icon in a minute or less - hey bud!

An underrated piece you've made in your opinion

Idk, I like this one and it doesn't have very many notes

Do you do art in a professional setting?

I do a lot of representational architectural drawings - like the Gallagher House drawings I did a little while back

A piece you don't like but did really well on social media. Honestly I really like all the pieces I've done - I either give up or gaslight myself into loving them

Post an old piece and compare it to your most recent, what are the similarities?

Honestly my style changes all the time but my skills have been pretty consistent so theres not going to be anything shocking

Have you ever collaborated with another artist/s?

I've only collaborated with a writer and created art for our gallavich summer camp bunk - which was really really fun

What piece has the most notes? Are you surprised?

Not super surprised, I think it's pretty lovely

Who/What is your favorite subject matter? I love making art that coincides with the fics that I write! after thinking about a scene or world or vibe for so long while writing I want to put it down on paper visually

Show us something not from fandom you've made There's so much, idk have some watercolor buildings, I'm too lazy to curate anything

Where do you like to create? At my table or couch, I don't usually draw out and about for some reason idk why

Do you have a tag that you use to group your creations? Tell us so people can follow it. No but all my art can be found here

Give yourself a shoutout, where can we commission/buy/follow you for more pieces? I don't take commissions or sell pieces, but follow me here on tumblr and you can probably talk me into drawing something you have in mind

tagging: @burninface @matt404b @deedala @doshiart

@heymrspatel @creepkinginc @suzy-queued

[theflamingredwolfarts]

Made a quick digital artwork of Lara Croft as played by Hayley Atwell in Tomb Raider: The Legend of Lara Croft!

Lara has to be one of my favorite characters to ever draw, drawing her is so fun everytime and the results always manage to exceed my expectations and this artwork is no exception!!!

Been sick for a few days and found enough strength to draw a little something and considering I've had a VERY STRONG Tomb Raider obsession at the moment and so there was no character more fitting to draw other than THE queen of gaming herself, Lara Croft! This artwork was really fun to draw, I loved working within and trying my best to replicate the series's art style whilst also sprinkling my own here and there! The coloring was an absolute treat, which can be said for the whole artwork and I....just absolutely love this artwork, it's funny how all of my favorite digital artworks I've done are all of Lara!

-

If you'd like, you too can get a commission like this or one even better than this by messaging me on here after referring to my commission post which has everything you need to know and is the pinned post that comes up first on my profile!

-

If you have any criticism about the artwork or an aspect you don't like, leave a comment about it, I'd love to hear it, bad or good & if you can, be sure to tell me how I can improve on the aspect you don't like or criticized about!

-

Follow for more art & if you like this artwork, be sure to press the like button or double tap the image

-

Materials:

#AutodeskSketchbook (version 3.7.4)

My fingers :p

-

Size: 1024 x 768

-

Time Spent: 5+ hrs

-

If you want to repost my art, be sure to credit me in the post!

-

If you would like to use my art as reference, feel free to ask!

Thank you!!!

[liquidorcard]

Has Lily acknowledged your existence yet?

SOLID LILY WILL NOT RESPOND TO MY CEASE AND DESIST FROM MY TOTALLY REAL LAWYER TO STOP COPYING ME!!! MY FACE IS COPYRIGHTED BINCH!!!

She also has never responded to a single one of the thousands upon THOUSANDS of hand written notes that we could be

💖~ kissing each other right on the mouths as sisters ~💖

While I even bring her coffee! ��

____

Yes. Sort of at least. The whole "Solid Lily," "Liquid Lily" episode, I can more or less confirm happened because of me.

The day I made this account, though I never interacted with her directly on purpose, I was watching to see when/if she blocked me. Took her something like, two or three hours to find my account and block. Which, in Lily's defense, fair enough. I think my reasons for mocking her are more than valid, but I wouldn't expect anyone to NOT take being openly made fun of like this as more than enough reason to cut off direct contact. It's clear I don't like her. But by the timing I can all but confirm the ask she got next was a self ask:

She didn't get the joke. Poor Lily doesn't get a lot of things, though.

She referenced me and another parody Lily account more directly here:

The "Mega Milk Lily" Liquid drawing came out if me making fun of this comment.

There was an instance of Mikaila vagueposting about someone drawing Lily as a "big titty goth gf," implying that artist, whoever they may be, wanted to bone Lily. That was also probably in reference to me. If it was, that tells me two things:

1. Mikaila doesn't know what a goth is (speaking as a goth guy.)

2. Not a surprise they both think drag is some kind of pervert satanic ritual if they interpret absolutely ridiculous drawings that don't even look close to the real Lily as flirting. I'm not trying to play dumb, I know there's a sexual implication to the way I draw Liquid. Liquid's origins as a character are a little messy because the original Lily Wojaks I drew ages ago. The "abusive wife" wojak has big tits, and that was the first one I made.

But as I started developing the character as a whole persona by herself, I started leaning into it more to both parody how in a performative hyper femininity. I'm a drag performer in real life. Though I don't perform as much as I used to, I used to do a lot of parody impersonations (Ben Shapiro was my favorite, lol.) Also, it's just way easier to draw curvy women super fast since they're made of a lot of distinct shapes.

If they think me drawing a parody Lily this way makes me think I'm into her, well. Sorry Lily I'm only into chicks who hurt people consentually. Full offense, with all do respect.

There's been a few instances I've been made aware of I personally concluded was not actually all that likely to be about me. However, there was one instance involving Loly alluding to a phantom violent drawing Courtney supposedly commissioned. In my opinion, Lily is making the whole thing up, or her friend is. Courtney supposedly sent it to a friend of Lily's instead of her directly, and this friend refuses to show or send it to Lily.

I can't confirm who speculated about this first, but either Lily or KiwiFarms suggested it was me who drew it. This drawing no one's seen but a friend of Lily's, who Courtney supposedly paid money to have made, only to ever send it to JUST Lily's friend.

I mean I can't prove a negative, but like, if this commission ever materializes there's a million different ways to at least show I would have had to go to take pretty extreme measures to hide that I made it.

The last instance I really can't say for sure if it was me or not. But it may have been me that caused Lily to go on a prolonged rant about metaphors. The same day I made fun of her for the same thing, referencing a 9 month old Sai stream where she confused "symbolism" for "simile." Symbolism can absolutely be used in a visual or conceptual metaphor.

[goldendoodlerlockerlove]

4, 10, 11, 27!! (took you this long to reblog the thing >:/ but hell yessss ♥️)

Yesss!! Thank you so much for invading my ask box, DT!!❣️

4.) How many different styles/mediums (e.g., digital art, traditional art, comics, sculptures, paper craft, etc.) did you try this year?

Actually, quite a bit!! At least, more than I initially thought I did. I, of course, did mostly digital art near the end of this year, and ended up producing a lot more pieces than I've done before!! It was honestly kind of crazy how much art I began producing at the end of this year. It was like I was a driver in a race, pffffffft. But, at the beginning of this year, I dabbled a lot in traditional art, because I enjoy the feeling of putting a pencil to paper, and whilst it takes more time, sometimes it can give you more freedom to experiment with designs or expressions. I also began making a long-form Bob's Burgers comic for the first time, which was inspired by @bluebirbbs and their long-form Bob's Burgers comic, which everyone should read if they haven't already. When I was younger and in art class, I actually used even more mediums for creating art, like sewing an actual Christmas ornament, and sketching stuff using a lightbox, which is super fun. But I haven't done those two things in years. I kind of want to try doing them again someday.

10.) What inspired/motivated you this year?

DT, you know I'm going to say you as my first (and biggest :3) inspiration. I mean, come on, you're the reason I have this blog in the first place. I know I've said it before, but seeing your amazing, lovely BB art inspired me to begin making my own and get back into drawing, and it caused me to create my blog and expand it into territories I didn't even think were possible. And now I'm running Geneuary, an event celebrating my favorite baby boy, and that would never have happened if it hadn't been for you, and that initial Boblin ask I somehow worked up the courage to give you (and am so glad I did)! It doesn't show it anymore, but do you remember how I didn't even have an image for my account?? 😆

Yes, I'm getting super sappy, but all of this is true!! Now, of course, you weren't my only inspiration. There are too many blogs to name, but @br1ghtestlight has been super sweet and my Gene Belcher buddy!! He's the one person who loves the baby boy as much as I do. We may or may not do a collab for Geneuary based on an idea she had about Gene and Tina working on a lil' puzzle together, which is just too adorable 😭

I also must shout out @babsvibes too. She was also, in a way, the reason I even have this blog. I used to be content enjoying this silly Burger show on my own, watching the episodes and having fun, and reading the occasional fanfic (@thisaliennerd and their Boblin fanfic Falling For You is Easy [Like Sunday Morning]) was one of my first forays into the BB fanfic community, and it wonderful) when I suddenly stumbled upon this Tinimmy fic by Babs one fateful day called Honeycombed Hair, I believe: https://archiveofourown.org/works/44413795

This fic led me to you, DT, and your amazing art!! And I joined this incredible Muppet community, and nothing's been the same for me ever since. Now I don't have to enjoy this show alone!! Of course, I have my BF @cryptidchrome now, who watches the show, but I digress. Babs also invited me to the Louigan server, which has been an absolute blast. And she's just an excellent writer in general, which is very inspiring as someone who also writes.

I must also shoutout @theangrypomeranian for being so sweet and Commissioning me, and also being an excellent writer (she called me the #1 Gene person in this fandom and that made me so 🥺). And @devilh0rnsinc for having such lovely art that it makes me squee every time. And @jimmypesto for making the best Boblin fics and just being the ultimate Boblin connoisseur. Shoutout to her new nephew for being the most adorable bambino on the entire planet. Welcome to the world, lil' bean!! @jimmyjrsmusoems is another fantastic writer and is hilarious, and is the other Tinimmy connoisseur in this fandom, besides you, DT, of course. Also, @koko-raccoon has some of the cutest art ever and listened to me ramble about my OCs, which I definitely want to thank them for. Their art is very inspiring to me. But the person whose art is the most inspiring to me, besides yours, DT, is probably @dianadeadwing. Her art is wonderful, and I'll never get enough of it. I also get so excited whenever I see it.

Okay, now for more of a speed round so I can mention more people!! @ratguy-nico has adorable art as well, and I love his style so much. It's wonderful. And @ltwharfy is such a good writer and I didn't even know until I read his Roudise Week fic about Bob and Rudy getting Louise a new hat when she outgrows her bunny ears. @keepyourhornson-spyro is another fantastic writer and is the certified Tedmort Monarch. There are just so many more people I want to name, but I'll just mention one more person: @carnivaldemon, who gave me the most adorable art of Gene and my OC, Alexis. His art is truly inspiring to me.

11.) What pairing/character/subject did you create the most for this year?

You probably already know the answer to this ☠️

It's definitely a tie between Boblin and Gene/Alexis, which is definitely my newest ship and obsession. But I have to give Boblin a special shoutout because I began work on an entire Pre-Canon Boblin series (which I'm still working on to this day) and a "Linda is Deaf" AU, both of which are super close to my heart now. Thank you for giving me the push I needed to work on my "Linda is Deaf" AU when I sent that ask about it to you, pfffffft.

Gene is definitely the character I've created the most for in terms of just singular characters. I could talk about him all day. I love this lil' guy so much. Hopefully, y'all don't get bored of hearing me ramble about him, because I'll certainly never get bored of rambling about him.

27.) Biggest surprise while creating art this year?

Honestly, the biggest surprise was just how sweet, supportive, and welcoming the Bob's Burgers community ended up being. Y'all welcomed me with open arms and supported all of my creative endeavors (and long analyses about Gene) and for that, I'll always be grateful. This community really does feel like one big family, and it's so lovely to see. Everyone is just so nice to each other, it warms my heart 🥹 And one of my biggest surprises was learning about the Ship Weeks/Character Events, and how fun they are. They're truly a testament to how sweet and talented this community is. I'm definitely looking forward to them all next year if they happen again.

[clovapatch]

One Year

TW: Talk of Suicide, Suicidal Ideation, That Whole Jazz just really heavy shit.

About a year ago today I made an attempt on my life. I had notes written out, I had planned the entire thing out and I didn’t tell anyone. I didn’t think that anyone would take me seriously or like. Care. In the past, when I expressed how upset I was about things, I got laughed at a lot or I was ignored, especially by my parents who refused to understand the gravity of what was going on. I genuinely felt like nobody actually wanted me around and everyone would be a lot happier without me in their life. I just didn’t want to be alone anymore, and I wanted to stop being a burden to everyone I met.

After it happened, I tried to reach out to a lot of people to at least get my mind off of it or to not be so lonely, but nobody was around (granted, it was like incredibly early morning). I have vivid memories of sitting on the tile by myself at 2 am that night, and every now and then I’m haunted by that feeling. I don’t bother leaving my room past 1 or 2am if I can help it.

It’s really tough thinking about that. So, I think what I actually want to do is talk about what I was able to do in this year after I survived.

I made some friends

I quit the team with the coach who was abusing me.

I got to spend an entire semester acting my heart out. I never got to be on the stage before.

I tried Harissa Chicken.

I had an apple. I forgot how much I loved them.

I tried Chicken Bacon Ranch Pizza for the first time. It might be my new favorite pizza.

I tried ganache and Pho for the first time. I also tried chicken parm sandwiches, chicken pesto mozzarella sandwiches and had my first panini.

I made and rigged my own vtuber model from scratch.

I was invited to my first party and did a group cosplay with my friends (FNAF, I was Bonnie)

I started roleplaying and playing Minecraft again.

I learned I’m actually a pretty decent builder… and I have a sculk curse.

I got back into voice acting.

I fell in love with drawing again.

I got my first ever true commission.

I really fell in love with vtubers. Hololive Advent and Hoshimachi Suisei really just hits different.

I learned how to make pizza from scratch.

I switched my minor to double major in Biology and Psychology.

I had the most fun job ever as a pancake chef. They dubbed me the Pancake Queen.

My coworker would talk all shift about memes, internet drama and vtubers with me.

I learned how to make an omelette. And pumpkin pies.

I learned coconut flour is not good for pies.

I got to plan and participate in so many fun Minecraft events.

I learned how to edit audio and edit videos.

I conducted my own research project.

I swam for the first time in years.

I was part of a true stage production for the first time.

Tried out Mario Kart for the first time!

I got to climb a belltower.

I had a birthday party. I turned 22. I never thought I would make it that far.

I went back to the hospital. Wahoo.

I made gnocchi for my irls for the first time from scratch. (They loved it)

My mentors hugged me and told me that they always believed in me. One offered to write me a letter of recommendation anywhere I went.

I showed my friend my favorite anime. I got to watch more anime with more friends.

I picked up my cap and gown.

I dressed fancy for an event and Phthalo offered we throw our own dance party in our room when there was no seating for us.

A neuroscientist praised my research and scientific mind.

I wore pins of my friends on my gown for graduation. I wore my favorite green dress.

I got to graduate from college. I walked the stage for the first time. (My friends cheered for me. Phthalo was there with me. He said he was proud of me).

I got to visit a True Crime Museum. I got to learn more about forensics

An IHOP we went to gave me a very doctored up milkshake to celebrate my graduation.

I got to meet up with family friends again. They treated me like one of their own.

I felt loved.

My mom gave me clover cookies.

I got invited to a swimming pool party.

I went to visit my Grandparents. They took me on stage and I felt my dreams spark back to life again.

I coached a baseball team for an entire season.

I coached my first solo softball lesson.

I watched Hololive English Justice debut. ERB and her past life is the reason I started acting in the first place.

I held a duckling. It fell asleep in my hands.

I got my hair cut. It finally looks like something a bit more like I want it to be.

I learned more dance choreography. I realized I really love dancing.

I submitted my research paper for publication.

I have been able to read some tweets in Japanese now. The QSMP taught me I can read some Spanish and Portuguese.

Got my passport lol

Laughed so hard I cried for the first time in years.

I ate ice cream with my friends.

I did Art Fight for the first time this year!

I signed up for my first ever gift exchange.

I got invited to my first ever DND campaign. I have always dreamed of being in one.

I showed a friend my written works. I’m inspired to write more for the first time in years.

I found a reason to wake up every morning.

I allowed myself to dream for the future again.

I still to this day credit Phthalo for saving my life. He is my MVP forever. And I thank people for being so chill with me. It’s nice to not feel so alone even if it’s just for a little bit. I am definitely not healthy by any means, but I think that where I am is a lot better than where I was.

I don’t have anything else much to say. I guess if you read this far, thanks for listening. Jury’s still out but I’d say at least some of it was worth it.

Tldr: I lived bitch.

[kart0]

August 15th - My 22nd Birthday

Can't say it was a perfect day, or even a good day. It went pretty shitty, as it usually does. Nothing too bad, but small things added up and then I just couldn't hold myself together anymore. I've been dealing with pain in my arms for quite some time now, went to the doctor twice, and now started physical therapy. Haven't been able to draw and had to postpone some commissions which took a toll on me. Can't draw to relax, nor play games, nor cook, nor do literally anything.

My dad got mad at me for a mistake he did.

Tried to bake some cupcakes to give to my friends at uni but everything went wrong, I worked so hard on it, left my wrists burning in pain only to just fail.

My classmates sung happy birthday to me, which would've been nice if we were in a private room, instead of being in class with every single colleague of mine and even the professor. Whom which I highly dislike. It was very embarrassing and I felt weird.

I wanted to walk alone home to wind down but one of my friends insisted on walking together because it was my birthday and I shouldn't be alone, but I really needed some alone time to get myself together.

Couldn't find my favorite comfort ramen ( neoguri ) for weeks and it's been driving me crazy.

I didn't have lunch bc I was stressed with the cupcakes, only to end up deciding not to take them with me, so I was hangry and sad.

Some people I considered dear friends didn't even send me a happy birthday message, and even planned a birthday party to a different friend whose birthday is in a few days.

I was so upset, we went out for dinner and just seeing my dad made me start crying again. I didn't get to enjoy any of the food because I was crying and couldn't taste anything and that made me even more upset. And it was very painful to hold chopsticks so I ended up only having 3 slices of sashimi for dinner.

I couldn't stop crying at all and ended up sobbing for two hours straight, even though I was trying my hardest to stop. I couldn't control myself.

We went to the movies and watched Coraline, and I managed to distract myself and just pay attention to my favourite movie ever.

We got home, cut my cake and talked a bit about silly things and funny stories and that's when I finally felt content.

I think I don't really like celebrating my birthday. I don't like being the center of attention, and I create these high expectations that people will do these crazy things and love me and it'll be fun and amazing and perfect. Which obviously just makes room for disappointment.

I like the day before my birthday, and the day after my birthday, but never my birthday. I always, always get sad.

I do think it's no one's fault, tho. Just unlucky, and a coincidence. But it does make me wonder if I will ever have a good, happy birthday celebration.

Idk, I hope so. I mean, at least one, c'mon.

Anyways, I cried a bit more writing this, but I feel way better. My eyes are super puffy and sore and burning, and I'm just tired. At least I don't have classes tomorrow... I still need to wakeup early for my physiotherapy tho. Anyways. This was definitely a year... Very bad things happened, but also very good things. It balances out.

I'm happier than before and honestly, I think it's been a very long time since I've felt anywhere close to this. I'm glad I'm still here.

Hoping I will have an even greater year next.

[thephantomthiefneito]

ABOUT THE ADMIN!

I've realized I haven't spoken much about myself aside from my boundaries and guys know like nothing about me!! I know it's not required you know me when but I'm terrible at being dark and mysterious..

This is just gonna be random facts about me because I love to talk about myself

Basic Things To Know! +me yapping

⨳ I roleplay! I'm a literate/somewhat Novella roleplayer on discord. I can write most characters if I study them for a bit and I'm in the fandom but not Katsuki and Izuku for some reason.. I have written Katsuki before but I never know what to say. I kind of write the same things over and over again. It's sad and embarrassing. </3 I'm most confident in my portrayal of Iguro Obanai from demon slayer. He's my favorite character and I think I write him pretty well!

⨳ I'm an artist! Sometimes.. I do commissions but I consider myself a beginner artist. I can't draw hands or perspective well and I suck at anatomy. But I do have pieces that I'm proud of! I'm not linking them though because I don't feel like searching for them.

⨳ I love music! Since like elementary school, I've been heavily involved with music. I played the violin and I was first chair until the end up middle school! I haven't picked it up since then because quarantine kinda ruined it for me and I SUCK at tuning instruments so I ended up taking theatre in high school. When I get my violin tuned, I might start playing again. I haven't stopped loving music though. I have two guitars (That I have no desire to play) and I'm kind of obsessed with the drums. I got out of classical music and really want to be in a band. I also really want to share my music taste.

BOOM playlist link

I kinda JUST made that playlist because I usually just listen to playlist based on their music genre but I didn't want to link all those playlists!!

⨳ I'm 16! Turning 17 this year! I'm also aroacespec I'm not sharing my name on this blog because that's not really important and I can't see any reason you'd need to refer to me out of character. But if there is a case, then you can call me Z. Also for pronouns, just use he/him because I'm roleplaying Monoma. I'd prefer if you didn't use they/them pronouns on me unless you're talking about me and other people! Grin!

⨳ My favorite characters are Aoyama, Monoma, Touya, and Jirou!

⨳ I LOVE KAREOKE! I used to go to this karaoke place ALL THE TIME with my friends and it was like the best place ever!! I don't think they do karaoke anymore which is SO SAD!!! But I'll manage.. (6 months without karaoke has really taken a toll on me/j)

⨳ I have a really silly jester doll. his name is ugly and I got him from a thrift store

He's my bestfriend. Be nice to him ⨳ I prefer fruit candies over chocolate ones! ⨳ Apparently I have a southern accent? I didn't notice it until a few weeks ago and I brought it up to my friend and they were like "No yeah you do have one" and I was like WHATTTT ⨳ I used to be REALLY into cosplaying on tiktok but then I kind of lost interest in it.. I want to start doing it again but tbh I don't really know if it's my thing,, I cosplayed from JJBA and it was SO fun. The lines for the makeup was my favorite thing to do. Of course, I didn't have costumes or wigs for any of the characters I cosplayed. The only character I did relatively well on was Ermes because I had boxbraids in 😭. People were like "You're literally Ermes irl!" Because I'm lightskinned with boxbraids cosplaying a character that's lightskinned with boxbraids and I thought that was really silly. I want to cosplay her again because that was one of my favorites. I would share the cosplay but I'm not really up for sharing my face on here yet or at all LOL ⨳ OC writing is one of my favorite things to do. I actually have a huge story for an OC named Seiko Yamakawa who's a my hero OC. I referenced his story in the roleplay sample I posted XD I wrote him with one of my friends and we're designing a whole class for our OCS. Their story is set a good few years after the events of MHA and I'm hoping one day I feel the urge to write it and post it online so other people can see our hard work. I have a lot of OCS I want to post on here but I'm a slow artist and would have to make a bunch of refs for them because I like for their information to be complete. I have an OC that I'm considering making a roleplay blog for. He's the first MHA OC That I remember making after quarantine (All the ones I made back them are not to be spoken of..

⨳ IBS tummy ache survivor.. I'm just like Hinata Shoyo

OKAY I don't know what else I could possibly put here without doxxing my whole family/j SO I guess that's the end of my rambling!! I really just wanted to talk about myself and I would have done it on my main blog I just really didn't want to...

I was debating writing this because I really want to be one of those super mysterious blogs that people are like "Wow! they're so in character! This is literally the real Neito Monoma!" But I've already spoken so much out of character and I can't keep my mouth shut for the life of me (Yes I can that was a lie.)

anywayz hi guys!!

this is gonna be linked on my pinned post btw like most of everything else is

[dgdraws]

My art year in review!

I learned so much this year and made a ton of cool stuff! These are my favorites from each month, but it was so hard to choose. A lot of stuff didn't even get posted--I'll be sure to at least post the ones that made it to this list!

It's amazing to see how much I've changed and learned over this year, and to see the things that are emerging as part of "my style."

Here's to another year of delight, creation, connection and fun!

Some monthly reflections beneath the cut, but here's the highlights:

I participated in 3 art challenges, Artfight, OC-tober and Huevember.

I made fanart for the first time!

I created a piece I conceived of before I started drawing

Made some big breakthroughs in techniques and skills in April, July and November

January: My first branch into full character design, Rodd is the culmination of training on Hero Forge renders to make dnd portraits! I was doing this cool thing with neon rim lighting, I should bring that back!

February: I saw a piece on here with this amazing glowing effect, so I color picked it and experimented to figure out what relationship between the colors was making it do that! The answer was saturation. This rose is meant to be glowing from within, and I think I did a good job for my knowledge level at the time! As Chuck Tingle would tell us, it's beautiful because only I could have made it in that moment on the timeline.

March: I spent a million years on every detail of this one, it has at least 5 clipping overlay/saturation layers for lighting, multiple line work groups and I want to rework that background but! I never felt more accomplished than I did when I finished this one. I learned a lot, especially about things I could skip or simplify. And the symbolism really pops off ngl

April: I read Gideon the Ninth for the first time this month and I immediately needed to draw Jeannemary Chatur, Cavalier of the Fourth House, the worst teen to do it. She's the first fanart I ever made and posted! I also discovered a new pen tool with this one, which CHANGED THE GAME.

May: This one is an idea I had written down before I ever picked up the tablet and stylus. I thought I might commission someone to make it, the image of it came to me so clearly during our VTM session I just had to make it real somehow. Well I did it! This is one I will come back to redraw in like 5 years bc I love the concept so much. Also rife with symbolism and inside nods to the Low Kings.

June: I made a bunch of ref sheets in the run-up to Artfight in July. Caleb hadn't even been in my plans to upload, but I had time and inspiration! I will be uploading this and a few more of him <3

July: This is one of my faves from Artfight! This character is Blueberry, by way of OrchidEatsBread on artfight. I have still never played... rainworld? But I love me a slug cat. In July I drew a TON of people, it really drilled anatomy basics into me and how to get clothes looking like actual clothes a bit more. Also solidified some things I would consider "my style" at the moment, like no irises, and my approach to noses and mouths and fingers!

August: Another fanart for the Locked Tomb series, I never posted this!!! Will be rectifying that soon.

September: I got really into javascript and css this month, and I made this to be a landing page image on my neocities website XD I'll get back around to that eventually...

October: At the last minute, I discovered OC-tober and the prompts from @/bweirdart, a worthy follow up to the rush of Artfight two months previous. I developed so much stuff for the Low Kings, including this drawing/character, Amayah/Girl-Z, who has been a figment of my pintrest board for 2+ years.

Huevember: Chasing that OC-tober high, I found Huevember! I did not expect to actually do every day, but it proved to be an amazing exercise! I learned so, so much about color, discovered amazing new brushes and techniques and found I really enjoy working in those one day capsules! I loved a lot of the stuff that came out of this month, including my highest note post ever!!!, but this one is still my phone background and I'm maybe developing an OC world around it. We'll see what happens in 2024.

December: I got hit HARD with the writing bug this month, so this was my only choice for this month but I WOULDA CHOSEN IT ANYWAY. I unlocked something here that I'm really excited to visit again, in fact I'm working on a companion piece rn! This is also fanart btw, prepare for me to get even weirder about this guy in the coming months.

If you've read this far, thank you so much! I have so much fun writing these little reflections and making my posts on here.

xoxo, wren

[pine-niidles]

February Project Updates

The move is done! I'm settled in at home again and it feels great! I can quickly feel my ability to function coming back to me. It's also nice to be going swimming again, my local pool finally has its upper floor showers fixed, so I don't have to go up and down the stairs as often. On the other hand the construction that's been blocking my girlfriend, and I's shortcut for going grocery shopping is still blocked, and likely will be until summer. Other construction is finished, and new ones started, such as it is living in the city. 

Moving was the focus this February, but I did get a couple of art things done. 

Hourly Comics Day

Hourly comics day was a blast this year. I'd only participated a couple of times before, and I don't think I ever manged to finish the whole day. That was back in university, so I thought I'd give it another shot. It ended up going pretty smoothly. I stumbled into a style that worked well when doing the 9am comic. It's pretty quick to do, I like how the final result looks, and any rough edges feel intentional. 

I did find it took a LOT of focus and about halfway through the day I stopped drawing comics every hour so that I could concentrate on the work I needed to do. I still took notes every hour of what I wanted to draw later.

I had to stay up late to finish drawing the catch-up comics but I was having fun so it's all good.

I always enjoy seeing diary comics, it's nice to have a glimpse into other people's everyday lives and thoughts. With the medium of comics specifically - it's fun to see how people depict themselves and their surroundings. What they put more effort into drawing, what they leave out completely, how they stylize things. Most of the time we see artists draw from a built-up image bank to make made-up objects or from refs found online, there's something a little different that comes across when drawing something one uses day to day. At least it certainly feels different to draw it! My favorite panel to do was drawing the sink full of dishes. 

You can find my full day of hourly comics here, I'm still working on putting together that pdf/zine of them

Erwin Zine

I put together this zine of photos of my parent's cat, I already miss him <3

2023 Sketchbook Compilation

I finished the intro, I still have the cover and outro to do. Will be wrapping that up soon :)

March Goals

I haven't thought much about what I want to get done in March yet... I'll be leaving that for next week's me as I get back to figuring out the perspective issues on this commission I'm working on. 

That's all for now - I hope you enjoy your last couple weeks of winter o reader of mine.

[dexadin]

Do you have any fun stories from your Strahd game? Moments you were proud of? You always have such good advice, and you deserve a chance to brag! Your players are lucky to have such a fun GM. 💗

Hi there! I've been sitting on this ask because it gives me serotonin every time I see it but I finally have a story line that I'm really fucking proud of that I want to talk about :3

So back during the Vallaki arc, Strahd attacked Father Lucian at the stairs of St. Andral, and the only reason that Lucian survived was party intervention (the infamous Vanya crycatting at Strahd scene). However, much to the party's chagrin, Strahd's magic shattered the stained glass windows of the church of St. Andral. The party also lost the favor of Father Lucian because of it, which was devastating to them, as Father Lucian was their first NPC who was truly good to them.

Backstory aside, they have finally gotten to the part of the story where they actually start hunting for the items prophesied in their tarokka reading at the beginning of the campaign and are seeking the sunsword in the 'wagon of someone who is not who they seem.' This quest leads the party (and Rictavio, who is travelling with them) to Vallaki once more in the pursuit of Blinsky, about a year and a half of real-world time down the line. They go to his wagon and get to hear their favorite NPC delighted to see them , and they ask him if he has a sword in his wagon. Blinsky goes, "oh this one?" and everyone goes, "no fucking way." Blinsky pulls out a toy wooden sword with an odd hollow cutout of the blade and everyone hesitantly exhales. Blinsky lets them know that it was commissioned by Father Lucian as a prototype for a project he's working on.

The party then goes to Father Lucian and finds him working in a forge, hammering out a ribbon of foil on his anvil. They learn that he has found a record of a sword that was wielded by a beloved priest, written by Andral himself. The hilt was encrusted in stones and plated in metal that wasn't easily found in Barovia, and so Lucian had only been able to work on the blade. Vanya notes that Rictavio is looking intently at the drawing of the hilt, and sends him a message, to which he responds that he needs Vanya to meet him outside. The party splits, as Vanya and Threnody go outside with Rictavio, Wofl stays in with Lucian, and Corsair goes off to distract the other NPCs.

Outside, Rictavio reveals himself to be Van Richten, swearing Vanya and Threnody to secrecy before going through his wagon full of random treasures to find no other than the sword in question--missing its blade.

Inside, Father Lucian reveals the work-in-progress to Wofl, revealing a stunning silvered blade with an inlay of leaded stained glass, made of the remains of the shattered glass windows of the church.

All in one go, I got to connect the Sunsword to several significant NPCs, reveal Van Richten, give a satisfying conclusion to the church of St. Andral (which had left my players distraught), and provide new speculation about Sergei, all wrapped up in one of the coolest weapons I've ever designed. The players were as hype about it as I was, and I'm just really fucking thrilled about how it all played out.

I hope this was at all coherent and/or fun to read! It was really fun to plan and play.