#this is ok to reblog

[detentiontrack]

People loooove to romanticize bipolar disorder and it pisses me off. I’m not sure if I’ll ever be in a stable loving relationship because 4-6 times a year, I’m manic and completely not myself. I have to intensely monitor my sleep, my diet, and my routines to make sure I don’t go into an episode. I have to take several medications every day that have terrible side effects on my body and mind. I couldn’t hold a job until this year. I almost failed out of college multiple times because I was too psychotic to focus on school. Every time I tell someone I’m bipolar I can hear the fear or judgement in their voice. You don’t want bipolar. Mania is not a quirky thing that makes you interesting. This disease has almost killed me or ruined my life permanently many different times.

[catgirlballnurture]

Thinking about a sub tied to a chair and desperate for cock. I stand before them and ask if they wanna feel my cum going down their throat. Being really turned on they agree without hesitation, thinking they'll get to suck me off. I take out my cock right in front of their face...

And start jerking off. I'm close enough that they can clearly see all the detail and smell the musk but far enough that they can't get a taste. I stroke, getting off to the mix of desperation and betrayal on their face. They think I'll maybe at least shove it in at the last minute and cum down their throat, so they at least get a little taste and feel of my dick.

But I don't. I grab a bowl and blow a nice, big load inside. They're visibly disappointed, but I did make a promise. I grab a spoon and feed my cum to them. Their eyes are wide in surprise, but they obediently eat what I give them.

There, see? You got what you wanted. Don't be upset.

[curioscurio]

crying a lot more lately.

[do-angels-dream-of-starry-seas]

I mentioned it before, but I haven't been able to be invested in ofmd after its cancelation.

And it's mostly thanks to my grandmother, who I loved so much and was my second parent essentially, died exactly a month after Jenkins announced ofmd not getting picked up. And I like to see patterns in things, so it's hard not to have my feelings intertwine with each other, with these two events.

Yeah yeah, a loved one dying being equivalent to a show being canceled might be stupid for some, but my grandma loved the show as well.

She never watched it, but listened and laughed along at my retelling of it. When I told her about my honest feelings of s2, she thought they filmed the end of s2 like that in case it doesn't get renewed, and wasn't surprised it was canceled.

I never told her about its official-official cancelation. But my mom showed her the s2 moonlight kiss when she was in the hospital, and she thought it was sweet, according to my mom.

I dont exactly know where I'm going with this. But I think this is my way of reconciling with myself on why having a s3 is so important to me. Because all I want to do is be able to tell my grandma what happens to those silly gay pirates - i suppose my goal is to think that wherever she is, she'll know this isn't the end that she thought it would be.

I'm planning on getting a tattoo of one of these messages she wrote on a birthday card for me. She never wanted tattoos of her own, but both of our names are written on each other in permanent ink

[system-of-a-feather]

I honestly feel a lot of the time that it isn't "safe" or welcome to talk about how crippling my maladaptive hyper-working hyper-functioning "can't stop working" issues are in a lot of trauma / psychological disabled spaces because - either passively or directly in past experiences - people tend to really romanticize, "wish they had that issue" or told me "that sounds nice" and to some level, I have internalized that if I complain or express stress / distress around it, that I'm whining and having "first world disabled peoples issues" (which I know is not true, but it does keep me from talking about it as honestly and truthfully as I'd like to)

But honestly, today is one of those days that I really really can clearly see that even with that mentality around my struggles with this all, it really really is a disordered and pathological thing.

Like I spent an hour compulsively job searched despite knowing that I really didn't need to and probably shouldn't; then managed to - with all my effort - redirect to something more functional ie an hour and half of job searching for my fiance instead. I then spent an hour dissociating in a poor attempt to change activities and do something that isn't working; half an hour doing work videos; ate dinner, then another half hour of dissociating in a poor attempt to do something other than working; gave up on that and finally had enough brain power to go to my fiance and ask for help / supervision relaxing to keep me from Not Working and not just sitting there dissociating

And then spent three and a half hours drawing chibi versions of my characters in prep for Art Fight (which is honestly soothing even if it sounds like work) and passively watching TV.

And only THEN did I have the energy and ability to actually write a like 50 word post to the story that is a >special interest< of mine.

I essentially failed at functioning for at least four hours when I was actively trying to get myself to self care, gave up because I acknowledged my mental illness limits, and had to have four hours of supervised care to make sure I actually could take care of myself.

I only NOW felt regulated enough to go to be by myself and NOT supervised and that was a whole like 7 hour mess.

[trashburgersblair]

Mom said it's my turn to make a Hanged Man Rusts piece

(in progress drawing under cut)

Don't ask me how he'll be clothed I didn't think about that when I started (there will be clothes though)

[mail-me-a-snail]

see. re: objectum, a printer causes me incredible anger but a scanner is like a lover to me. i wouldn't fuck a printer (maybe i would but it would not be sweet or gentle i would go ape in that things hole). but id definitely fuck a scanner. and i know most printers have scanners built into them already so it'd kind of be like the printer is a voyeur to my activities with the object that is so much better than it. i haven't slept well lately can you tell

[wilsons-hotlittleprettyboymouth]

the first time I ever got in trouble in school was in kindergarten when i was struggling to open a bottle of glue (may have been glued shut but i also had undiagnosed physical limitations so the two are more or less the same) and I started crying and they made me pull a card for crying. and thinking back it’s crazy because not only did they scar me for life in a way that affects me every single day from the age of 5 but they also didn’t even help me open the bottle of glue afterward.

[smiggles]

Confess your gorny thoughts to me...<3

[klapollo]

eating disorder recovery has been incredibly incredibly hard and im still in a relapse-recover cycle that ive been in for months but the times where i can let it go for the sake of bonding over food are nice. i took my mom to the movies for the first time in years and i bought her a soft pretzel and made her try all the dips it came with while we watched one of her favorite films. i went out with a friend and we looked at the skyline while the sun set and we went to a hole in the wall and i told him i loved him while i ate a beyond burger with a shitton of caramelized onions on it. i went to a birthday party and we pieces of cake with our hands because there were no forks. i would love if food could be fun all the time for everyone.

[transflynnscifo]

'd like to hear about the lyrics in unfriendly hater :o

you don't want to know how long i spent writing this

So actually given I’m not good enough at Japanese yet, I cannot analyze this fully in a way I want to, but I still want to talk about the way the song’s lyrics are written.

Firstly, for the sake of being able to follow along, I would suggest looking at the full lyrics. I used the ones here (sorry there wasn't a link outside fandom wiki :/)

also putting under cut for the sake of how long this beast is.

To start with, there are two speakers/singers present in the song, that take turns to sing, and sing together during the chorus. Even from a quick glance at the lyrics it is easy to note that the line distribution is 1:1. Neither singer is prioritized over the other. From this point on I will refer to them as the delinquent and the honor student, if not referred together.

Politeness marked by usage of pronouns

It is extremely important to note the way in which the both of them speak to one another. Japanese has a somewhat strict marker for when someone speaks formally or informally. Even from personal experience, I have been told that in most cases, the informal variants are considered rude when used with most people. Anime and manga tends to show characters who speak in such ways, ranging between being very casual to downright rude. Such a distinction is often lost in English translation due to the formal you blending with singular and plural variations of you.

Okay, so how can one tell if someone is speaking rudely in Japanese? From what I’ve noticed, a lot of it seems to depend on inflections and how people end their sentences. Another indicator is in the sentences’ and their presence of pronouns. In English, for example, we will readily use you when talking directly to someone. In Japanese, speaking in second person is not the same. Once again, due to formality, people who speak directly to each other, are familiar with each other, but are not close, tend to avoid usage of words such as あなた (read: “anata”, means “you”). Instead, they would use the other speaker’s name as if they are being referred to in third person. Here is an example in a literal translation:

A: Hello, B!

B: Hello! Did A do the homework?

A: Yes, I did!

Such an exchange seems odd in English, but is perfectly functional in Japanese.

Now, let’s take a look at the lyrics and note how the singers speak to one another.

The delinquent uses 君 (read: “kimi”) when speaking to the honor student at the start of the song. Now, 君 in this case, when looked at in the dictionary, is a variation of “you” that can be used when speaking to a friend (usually done by a guy). So the delinquent, already assumes familiarity.

In the chorus, both of them switch to お前 (read: “omae”) to use with each other, which is marginally ruder than the previous. Now, I only perceived it as ruder due to personal experience of blorbos using those Japanese pronouns with each other, but I have a website that confirms my idea:

“Basically, kimi, just like omae, implies a certain level of intimacy when used. The difference between kimi and omae is that when omae is used and the intimacy is unwarranted, people can find it blatantly rude. But when kimi is used and the intimacy is unwarranted, people find it condescending.“ (https://www.japanesewithanime.com/2017/08/anata-omae-kimi-kisama-meaning.html)

Also, I have to apologize. I don’t know verb inflections well enough to comment on how they are used in the text. I can imagine some ideas can be inferred, but I actually don’t want to talk out of my ass about this, so instead I encourage the guidance of a better Japanese speaker than me o7

Rhythm and Melody

A last technicality needs to be mentioned before moving on. Japanese doesn’t use an alphabet where each sign is one letter, but instead, as I understand it, most sounds are syllables (with the exception of vowels). One kana, for instance, equals one syllable.

Obviously, when it comes to lyrical texts, such as poems and songs, creative liberties are always taken for the sake of… rhyme and rhythm! In order for such a piece of writing to be melodic and memorable, the writer painstakingly works with their language in order to craft something beautiful. In the case of songs, the reason people can get songs stuck in their heads is clever usage of rhyme and rhythm in a song. And this song has a lot of it, but not in the poppy sense.

Instead, this song incorporates the very language it uses and repeats sentence structure in order to cause a mirror and a closing cycle of the song.

Analyzing the brunt of the song based on repetition

1. Instances that are similar but are not the chorus:

The first example that I want to look at and compare come from the following two points of a song: the first verse and the second verse

何回言っても聞く耳持たない

不勉強アウトサイダー

廊下全力ダッシュそこの君止まりなさい

だから止まりなさい

あーうるさいなんだよ 急いでんだよ

わざわざ暇なんですか？

誰もいないしこれぐらいいいだろ

君に構う暇はないからじゃあね

This part opens with the honor student singing, with the delinquent responding. The honor student, bluntly said, fires the first attack against the delinquent. The delinquent responds, though he doesn’t exactly fire back besides explaining himself that he’s harmless.

一体なんの為になるのやら

ド勤勉真面目ヤクザ

少しルール破ったぐらいでキレすぎだろ

ほんとしつこいわー

あーほらまたやってるまた破ってる

学習してないようで

シャツも出てるわネクタイ緩いわで

親の顔が見てみたいもんですな

Here, the start of the second verse swaps the order. Delinquent sings first, aiming an attack on the honor student’s honor, but instead of defending himself, the honor student attacks back.

The reason these two segments fit together is actually caught when listening to them in the song. The melody in both instances is similar, hence, there is an intent to mirror how they, well, jab each other.

The second example comes from the first pre-chorus, and the third pre-chorus:

ねえねえちょっと聞いてんの

風紀を乱すなって言ってんの

あーはいはいもうわかりました

まー聞く気はないけどね

-

ねえねえちょっと聞いてんの

頭に血でも上っちゃってんの

あーはいはいもう分かりました

もうブチ切れちゃうからね

Now, THIS! Though the speakers are swapped, the first and third lines are the same, word for word. But let’s focus elsewhere and count the syllables for the 2nd and 4th lines: 13 and 11 respectively! How do I know this? Well, I know this because I can read the kana. The romaji, however, helps us here too (especially with the kanji as there is no furigana for me to work with. Can you tell I’m a beginner)

Lines 2 and 4 in 1st pre-chorus:

fuu-ki o mi-da-su na-t-te i-t-ten no

ma-a ki-ku ki wa na-i ke-do ne

Lines 2 and 4 in 3rd pre-chorus:

ata-ma* ni chi de-mo no-bo-c-cha-t-ten no

mo-u bu-chi-gi-re-cha-u ka-ra ne

*this is a kanji in the Japanese line and combines two syllables

2. Unique instances outside the chorus (parts that have no “mirror”)

The second pre-chorus:

あーそうですかい

今度したら絶対許しません

This instance specifically follows after the honor student “fires” back, as opposed to the first verse where the delinquent does not outright fight back, but shrugs off the nagging with excuses.

Bridge:

ヘイヘイ坊っちゃん捕まえてごらんなさい

だから廊下は走るなって何回言えば

なあどうした優等生負けを認めますか

どうやら全く反省してないようですね

This moment occurs before the last pre-chorus, where it’s the delinquent’s turn to provoke the honor student, which directly leads to the mirror from the pre-chorus instances.

Okay, so what purpose do these serve? Honestly, to break up the rhythm while still keeping the melodicity of the song.

3. The three chorus

First two have 4-5 lines of text, with the third one going up to 7 due to a unique structure altogether.

1:

いやほんと

お前なんかめっちゃ嫌いだ！

怒っちゃってんのあーらざまみろ

いや絶対に俺の方が上って言って競ってまたギラギラ

2:

いやほんと

お前なんかめっちゃ嫌いだ！

怒っちゃいるが笑顔は隠せない

いや絶対に仲良くとかしないって言って睨んでまたゲラゲラ

3:

ありったけ全部巻き込んでドタバタ 破壊転倒非行でめちゃくちゃ もう一切のものは見ずに一つの敵と戦うのだ いやマジでお前なんかめっちゃ嫌いだ！ この先もずっとずっと嫌いだ！ んで制裁食らって 仲直りって言った五秒後にはメラメラ

On the text, I want to note the usage of onomatopoeia to close off all three instances, and all of them are essentially go like this: []ra[]ra, with the ‘ra’ sound repeating.) (the green is marked with a reason. They're marked with red.

If you were to look at the romaji and/or translation, it’s obvious that certain instances of the song here would repeat.

But now, I want to note how special the third chorus is in the backdrop of the first two. As the song progresses, the listener witnesses the reveal that the two speakers/singers are in fact close friends/rivals with an odd dynamic that still indicates that they DO like each other’s company despite butting heads. They enforce their “hatred” for each other in the start of first and second chorus.

In the third chorus though, this part is missing. The chorus opens up with different lines! And just when the third line finishes off, when the previous chorus would begin to wrap up, the singers remember to enforce their hatred for each other! So much so that they enforce it even in the 5th line! All this is sung while they are at their happiest during the song. It’s like an insistence that they both know seems to be untrue. The hatred lines are marked in green.

Closing thoughts

Now, I do want to throw in a few assumptions based on my observations and the "flashback" sequence in the mv.

-I think the honor student is definitely more aggressive in responses, while the delinquent is more relaxed (even in his attacks). Part of it can be attributed to the fact that the honor student seems to be more easily riled up, while also harboring frustrations for what appears to have been some form of estrangement.

-The general dynamic that I want to mention is that people who get straight As can sometimes... get inflated egos. And with someone like the delinquent who clearly seems to not be doing the best, you can see that maybe part of him not firing back as aggressively as the honor student may be that he know what fights to continue? He's generally more lax but it could also be him not wanting to fully engage. Yet he knows when to be a bastard, but his way of engaging with the honor student is different. It could also be because Im gonkba

Anyway I’m not a pro at this, and I don’t claim to say anything groundbreaking. I mostly wanted to overexplain the parts I like the most. Thanks for reading

[snowdrop-yoongi]

need someone to gently cradle my face and hit me over the head with a cartoon hammer so hard that little stars appear over my head

[whereisthesun]

I HATE MORAL OCD. well i shouldnt say hate thats a strong word. and i dont want to sound like i hate people WITH moral ocd because i dont of course. i just hate having it. but i shouldnt think that, i do like having morals, its just stressful to be thinking about them so constantly and scrutinizing every little thing i do or think. but really thats the least i could do so i should at least try, right? just because i suffer from— no, struggle with moral ocd doesn’t mean i should just stop thinking about things all together, thats not what im saying and i should make that clear, but i

[ableism]

I know i’m functionally a gay DARE officer at this point but I do in fact feel some sort of way about Cocaine being back in vogue. Surely I sound like a square + narc and I’ll concede ok do whatever you want, nobody can materially stop another person from using drugs if they really want to 🤷🏻 I don’t really care that it’s hip to do party drugs, moreso I want to articulate a general level of caution and concern that I never see a sidecar of harm reduction and safe using practices along with the commonplace clips of people straight up snorting coke I’ve seen for “brat summer!!!1!!”

You 🫵 are not immune to ingesting fentanyl or any number of other additives. Do you think drugs at the gay club are different than the drugs people are taking under bridges and in gutters? I promise they’re not! So if you want to use drugs and continue being alive, do your part to be safe. Protecting yourself protects others and your community.

Do not accept drugs from strangers. Test your drugs with fentanyl test strips. Carry narcan and know how to administer it. Never use alone. Have an exit strategy if you’re using drugs in a public space. Know the contact information for your local harm reduction groups, overdose emergency hotline, and if you need/want it, addiction treatment orgs. This is all the bare minimum for community care if you intend to be out in the world using drugs. Mainly I encourage you all to be buzzkills if it means you don’t have to die of an accidental overdose. Overdose is the leading cause of death for Americans under 40. I have a whole lot of social workers in my network and however bad you think the synthetic opioid crisis is, it’s worse. The war stories I’ve heard from my people on the ground are… The shit of nightmares. Don’t let it be you or anybody you love.

If you live in the state of Georgia, DM me for a longer list of resources.

Fentanyl information (harm reduction.org)

Get Narcan

How to use fentanyl test strips

Call 311 to find out where to get Narcan in your community at no cost to you

[fiannalover]

What's that bro? You began interacting with a media from a different country than yours and/or was made in time period different than the recent present day? Haha that's sick bro! Keep expanding your horizons bro! You're remembering to take into account that sociocultural norms, gender roles and genre expectations are different from what you are used to and meeting the story halfway, instead of forcibly superimposing your ideals into the story, right bro? Right? Right?

[kuchipatch1]

yall have got to be more normal about Southern people and I'm not kidding. enough of the Sweet Home Alabama incest jokes, enough of the idea that all Southerners are bigots and rednecks, and enough of the idea that the South has bad food. shut up about "trailer trash" and our accents and our hobbies!

do yall know how fucking nauseating it is to hear people only bring up my state to make jokes about people in poverty and incestuous relationships? how much shame I feel that I wasn't born up north like the Good Queers and Good Leftists with all the Civilised Folk with actual houses instead of small cramped trailers that have paper thin walls that I know won't protect me in a bad enough storm?

do yall know how frustrating it is to be trans in a place that wants to kill you and whenever you bring it up to people they say "well just move out" instead of sympathizing with you or offering help?

do yall understand how alienating it is to see huge masterposts of queer and mental health resources but none of them are in your state because theyre all up north? and nobody seems to want to fix this glaring issue because "they're all hicks anyways"

Southern people deserve better. we deserve to be taken seriously and given a voice in the queer community and the mental health space and leftist talks in general.