#i gotta start smoking lad this aint it . this aint it

[mail-me-a-snail]

see. re: objectum, a printer causes me incredible anger but a scanner is like a lover to me. i wouldn't fuck a printer (maybe i would but it would not be sweet or gentle i would go ape in that things hole). but id definitely fuck a scanner. and i know most printers have scanners built into them already so it'd kind of be like the printer is a voyeur to my activities with the object that is so much better than it. i haven't slept well lately can you tell

[bard-like]

lads I just had a birthday and I don't know what the FUCK I'm doin

I mean I know what I'm doin but I don't know what I'm doin on so many accounts:

1 ) HEALTH. am I healthy? I've been eating less and smoking a Lot. I just got an elliptical so I'm trying to move more and get my lungs moving. I still have the daydream about smashing my bong into pieces and giving up smoking by force. I'm sick of the tightness in my chest, I'm sick of the overthinking, I'm sick of my brain feeling like it's in the washing machine.

2 ) HOME. I want to be happy at home. I want to bring my parents peace of mind. but I also want to live my Self. I want to help them but I can't help them. I need to feel like I can separate work from home. I want to get an office but it will max out my budget for longer than I want; and money might get tight soon.

3 ) SOCIAL MEDIA. Generally? To hell with it. But I wanna make it better. I wanna make it how I want to make it: my thoughts, my progress, sharing experience, and reaching out. NOT advertising. NOT trying to be popular. same ol Stupid thoughts turned Real for the sake of making other laugh or relate to those who feel similarly. making fun stories and sharing them. taking stupid ideas and making them stupider with friends. I don't need to be my perfect self. I don't need to be a specific way. I wanna be my stupid slot machine personality of a self and explode ten-thousand ways and let those who wanna stay, stay. tumblr's a place where our fixations wander, people come and go, and we customize our shit, I'm not worried so much about that. but the book? god I gotta clear out people I don't want to hear from, and be the chatterbox I love to be with the people who understand me, or at least want to hear from me. I just need it changed.

4 ) MUSIC. I'm sitting by an instrument I want to practice, and a brand new instrument for fun. They're hobbies that bring me a sort of silence, a concentration that puts the noise of thoughts to rest. I want to do more of it. I want to be On myself to play a little each day. to think about it each day. It's something I want to share, too. It's something I want to grow. I gotta choose them over my other vices.

5 ) ART. When it comes to making the New Game, there's a lot of experimentation. I have a Plan but I feel like I'm staring at the start line. I really really really want to share this experience with you all, and I need to get over my perform-y perfectionist-y ways and just hit the Live button and have at it whenever I want to make progress. But that too feels like it needs a better routine schedule?? I'm fighting against my work hours and my Garbage Attention Span Pace to see what schedule works best for me. Of all things I just wish people WANTED a specific way about it, this day that day these hours this objective blahblahblah. it feels like I need a manager for F u n . T wT

6 ) GAMES. Same for this, I play a lot of stuff and sneak in 15-40min rounds of stuff all the time. There are plenty times I'd rather be streaming, but sometimes I get self-conscious about my friends/work seeing my 'slacking' in this or that. So my favorite thing ever became this guilty pleasure- when not long ago I was pretty damn okay with NEETing the fuck up and playing with friends forever. I wanna get rid of this guilt, and have FUN when playing. And I just know I have a lot more fun when it's sharing the game.

----

my life is full of Things To Do. I'm just severely missing the time structure, and the timeplanning shit i'm trying to do aint cutting it. I want to fit all this in:

4-6 hours of Work [if assigned]

45min of Bass/Drums practice

60min of 3D modeling

2+ hours of project progress

some kinda exercise for an hour

and I know my dumbass will want to play a game in between those tasks. I haven't been able to get a day that yet. so far I've felt like I've been in Festivity month. There's so much I wanna do. and so much to move forward on.

but for the love of god someone get this schedule out of my hands

[rachelsteapot]

Hi! 👋😁

Ok, could I please request oneshot with Thomas Shelby and his son Shelby reader (16) where his son gets really badly hurt because he was defending his friends? (maybe from rascists, harassers or homophobic people).

And one readers friend brings him home with cloth over his mouth and it’s soaked in so much blood. Someone pinned him (reader) down, beated him and cutted his cheek (his teeth are visible and the wound is so big it can’t be sewd up together) + they broke his arm (in his view left arm...does it even matter). He won’t die tho.

Please hit me with soft and worried Thomas and other Shelbys and Grays with his son (for once than female or daughter reader). Thank you so much if you write it.

I hope it's not too much. 😙

Love you, have a nice day/night. ❤❤❤

Sticks and Stones: Tommy Shelby x Son!Reader

Hi! Sorry that this has taken a while, I got a bit stuck on what to write. I’ve tried to stick as close as I could to this request but its not exactly what you asked. I hope you still like it though, I definitely enjoyed writing it. 

Warnings: Homophobic language, gore?

Pairing: Platonic Tommy Shelby x Son!Reader

Tommy’s children grew up knowing they were Shelbys. The last name in itself was a title, like their father’s OBE, but different. It wasn't awarded, it wasn’t a gift: it was a curse. 

In the sixteen years since Tommy’s wife had given birth to his second son, Y/N, Shelby Company Limited had shifted its sights from the underground world that it used to inhabit, partaking in new, legal, business ventures. While the employees knew this, however, the general public still heard the name Shelby and conjured images of criminals. So, when Y/N began joining his father’s world, he became determined to change the public view of the Shelby family, regardless of the cost. 

It wasn’t unusual to find Y/N Shelby in a public booth at The Garrison, surrounded by a group of his friends. It was even less unusual to hear their rowdy tales and playful banter, especially as they were the youngest in the pub by quite a few years. Young people, especially young Blinders, like to make themselves heard, and generally don’t care who hears it. And just like any young Blinder, Y/N was no exception. 

“One time- one time I swear I saw Uncle Arthur send a granddad flying because he was bad bad mouthing our John!” the boys screeched with laughter as Y/N slurred his way through a tale taller than the stack of bottles behind the bar, slamming his mug down on the table to punctuate his story. Tales like these were common, and fairly widely known. 

“If it aint the Shelby fags, huh?” The insult cut through their joy like a knife, shattering the imaginary worlds that the teenagers had created. Y/N turned his head to find the source of this jab, discovering a sweaty, overweight patron. He scrunched his nose in disgust and turned back to his friends. This man must just be drunk, he thought, attempting to dismiss the sick feeling that was slowly growing in his stomach. 

“Oi, look at me when i’m talking to you.” Y/N felt a hand grip his shoulder. He glanced across the table before exploding from his chair, sending it clattering to the ground. The young Shelby spun around and wrapped his fingers around his assailant’s collar, throwing him back against a pillar. Fire blazed in his eyes as the youngest Shelby leant forwards, his breathing throwing hot air onto the older man’s face. 

“Don’t. call us. fucking. Fags.” each word was punctuated by Y/N sucking air between his gritted teeth. He slowly removed his fingers from the other man’s collar and, giving him one final shove, he returned to his chair. Silence had fallen on the pub; it was time for Y/N and his friends to leave. 

The doors of the Garrison clanged shut behind Y/N as he pressed his flat cap onto his head, and shoved his hands into his pockets. Anyone would have thought he was the famed Tommy Shelby, if it wasn’t for the lack of gently smoking cigarette hanging from his lips. He and his friends left the pub and slowly began their walk home, continuing their rowdy guffaws and occasionally getting into playful fistfights. Eventually, as the lads continued on their way, their numbers dwindled until it was just Y/N and his closest friend, Colin. 

“Mate, are you alright?” Colin’s question roused Y/N from his thoughts. He blinked and raised his head, looking across towards his friend as they walked in unison along the shaded streets. 

“Yeah, just a fucking twat. I don’t get why he just didn’t back off, yanno.” Colin nodded, sighing slightly. 

“My cousin, his dad was like that.” Colin started, “A drunk, constantly trollid an’ all that.” 

Y/N nodded, blowing steam from his nose into the cold night air. 

“I dunno mate, I’ve got a bad feeling about it is all,” 

The pair continued on their way, footsteps echoing along the empty Birmingham cobbles, hardly speaking and instead enjoying a comfortable silence. Colin and Y/N had been friends for as long as they could remember, having done almost everything together since they were in nappies. They thought nothing of it when a third set of footsteps joined them, or the fourth, or perhaps they just didn’t notice. Until it was too late. 

As Y/N and Colin turned the corner towards Y/N’s Small Heath residence, they were confronted by two larger men. Turning to check behind them, Y/N and Colin found that they were boxed in with two larger men behind them too. Suddenly, Colin felt the cold steel of a knife against his throat as he was pulled back against the third man, and released a strangled cry. 

“What the fuck do you want?” Y/N hissed, darting his eyes towards his friend to check he wasn’t being hurt, catching sight of Coling struggling against the trunk like arms of his attacker. 

“Fucking Shelby and his faggot friend,” the man which Y/N assessed to be the ringleader of this excursion snorted. “We want The Garrison and the Blinder territory. You’re all posh bitches now, no need for gang land,” Y/N couldn’t help but laugh sarcastically, setting his jaw and glaring at the assailants. 

“I dunno why you’re asking me,” Y/n rolled his eyes, scuffing the dirt with the toe of his boot. “It’s me dad you wanna be talking with, but I doubt your chances will be good when he hears about this.” But Y/N was caught off guard when one of the thugs stepped forwards and grabbed his jaw with one hand, twisting his head and pulling the young Shelby’s back against his stomach. Now, both him and Colin were held prone, completely defenceless against anything these thugs would attempt. 

“We tried that,” the supposed ring leader chimed in. “It seems that we were going to need a little more of a bargaining chip.” As Y/N struggled, the final thug stepped forwards and grunted at his companions. 

“Hold Him.” 

Y/N felt his aggressors’ arms tighten around him, pressing down on his throat and causing spots to form in his vision. He didn’t notice the fourth thug swiftly and deftly draw a knife from his pocket, all he felt was a flash of cold followed by a searing pain across his cheek. Warm fluid spilled from the heat and Y/N felt the cold air flood into his mouth. He screamed as the realisation hit: these people meant business if they were going to cut the Shelby heir. 

“We would take your tongue, but that’s for next time, if you don’t comply.” The threat didn’t feel empty, causing Y/N to clamp his mouth shut, ignoring the pain caused by the action. 

Suddenly, Y/N was thrown to the ground, his head colliding heavily against the hard cobbles causing the world to tilt on its axis. He groaned, his ears ringing as he attempted to stand before his body contorted under the kicks of steel capped boots. As three pairs of feet pummeled his young body, Y/N felt his ribs crack and snap, crying out in pain until it was all he could do to keep breathing. When he fell silent, the kicks stopped. 

“I reckon that’ll be enough of a lesson for Tommy Shelby, OBE,” one jeered as the four stomped off into the night. 

It could have been minutes or hours before Y/N felt a hand on his shoulder, gently rolling him onto his back. The movement sent bolts of pain through Y/N’s ribcage and he coughed, globs of black blood landing on the pavement. 

“Y/N? Oh my fucking god, Tommy’s gonna kill me.”  Colin… thank god he was okay. 

“Don’t worry lad, we’ve just gotta get him home.” Uncle Arthur? What the fuck was Uncle Arthur doing here? 

Y/n pried his eyes open, grunting in pain as he was lifted from the ground and cloaked in the smell of his uncle. His head spun as Arthur’s rocking walk sent shockwaves through his bruising limbs. A door opened, then shut, and finally, Y/N felt a hard surface meet his back. He heaved a ragged breath as his body relaxed, and drifted into a pained sleep. 

In his dream, Y/N Shelby was jousting. He was riding a beautiful dapple stallion, charging at full pelt towards an opponent, clothed only in black cloth. As he got closer, Y/N lowered his pole and leant forwards, and missed. His opponent’s pole connected with his face, and then he was falling, off of his horse and into an abyss. His arms flailed as he tried to catch onto something, anything, that would save him. But nothing was there. 

When Y/N awoke, the sky was grey. Not a grey like the horse in his dream, but grey like a storm, like the storm his father would bring on Birmingham when he found out about the incident. The teenager sniffed slightly and tried to shuffle into a seated position, but his attempts were interrupted by a sudden churning in his stomach. Forcing himself to move, Y/N leaned over the side of the bed and emptied his stomach of the minimal contents that remained. His retches caused movement in a darkened corner of his room, but Y/N was too exhausted to notice, all his aches and pains flooding over his slowly awakening limbs. Slowly, tears began to roll down his cheeks as the pain overwhelmed his mind, and the young Shelby succumbed to the pain and exhaustion. 

“Shhh, don’t worry, Daddy’s here now. Nobody’s going to hurt you.” a warm hand was placed on his lower back, drawing Y/N back into the present. Wincing as he tried to move, Y/N was able to twist his head until he could see his father seated on the bed beside him. Gently, Tommy moved his hands until he was supporting his son’s weight and slowly eased him into a seated position. 

“Dad?” Y/N croaked, wincing with the pain of his ribs and limbs, his words slurred by the stiffness in his cheek. Tommy turned his head, facing away from his son. He raised a hand to his face, pressing his fingers into his eyes, only moving when Y/N reached his arm forwards and rested his hand on his father’s shoulder. 

“Dad, ‘m okay.” Tommy sighed, running his hand through his hair.

“It’s not about that, Y/N. It’s that it happened at all, that I couldn’t protect you. Your name put you at risk and I couldn’t live with myself if I lost you too.” Y/N blinked slowly, letting his father’s frustrations wash over him. 

“I’m sorry, Dad.” Tommy shuffled into the space beside his son, spreading one arm over the teenager’s shoulder and pulling him close, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. 

“It’s okay. It’s going to be okay.” Y/N’s eyes fluttered shut and he relaxed onto his father’s chest, breathing in the smell of whiskey and cigarettes that had enveloped his childhood. He was safe, and nobody was going to hurt him. Slowly, the youngest Shelby drifted into a dreamless sleep, determined that next time, he would not be so unprepared. 

[punkscowardschampions]

Joe & Ronnie

Joe: [St Patrick's Day 2016] Joe: Ron Joe: Come back, I ain't going 'til tomorrow Ronnie: fuck you Ronnie: go now what the fuck does it matter Joe: It matters to me Joe: every fucking second away does and I don't care if you know it Ronnie: then dont Joe: I missed Christmas, they don't care that I bullshitted I had the flu Joe: had to do everything to stop them flying over to get me, and it was my sister's 16th so they're all on one about how long it's been Ronnie: and I dont care if they believe your bullshit or not Ronnie: I care that youre a useless cunt Ronnie: I care that youre being a fucking pussy Joe: I know you do Joe: I'm sorry or I didn't ask you to, the end result is the same 'cos I can't fucking not go, s'been months, any longer they will do something about it and fuck that Ronnie: get out of my fucking face mckenna Ronnie: youre not worth shit to me like this Joe: I don't want to and you didn't want me to five seconds 'fore you slammed the door in my face so Ronnie: give a shit what you want Ronnie: grow a pair while youre there or dont bother coming back like Joe: that's what you want, yeah? Ronnie: like you care Ronnie: go ask your ma what she wants Ronnie: or your sister Ronnie: shes legal to fuck now what do you need me for Joe: I want to make you happy, not them Ronnie: I told you what to fucking do Joe: I reckon I've got a better idea Ronnie: are you gonna say it Joe: come with me Ronnie: thats not funny Joe: I'm not trying to be Ronnie: it better be a fucking joke Joe: why not? Ronnie: fuck you Ronnie: you know every reason why not Joe: so it wouldn't make you even a bit happy to fuck her family up Joe: say you don't care but you do enough to hate her Ronnie: shut up Ronnie: I hate you Joe: go on then, do it and I won't be able to go back Joe: then you can chuck me if you hate me so much and I'll have nothing but another bad habit Ronnie: I aint the kind of sister to fight your battles for you Joe: now who's being pussy Joe: I'm ready to do it Joe: tell them everything Joe: show 'em Joe: what's the issue Ronnie: still you Ronnie: thats the issue Ronnie: you think you want it til I start it Joe: Name one thing you've started that I ain't wanted Ronnie: there aint a name for this Ronnie: you dont get it Ronnie: and youre not ready for it Joe: fuck that Joe: I don't love them I love you Joe: don't get involved then, I'm trying to give you something here Joe: but if I stop going, then they'll come, and it'll just happen here Ronnie: youre trying to give yourself something Ronnie: but I aint no performing monkey and you cant put me back in my box when you start shitting yourself Ronnie: there wont be one Ronnie: there wont be fuck all left Joe: Good Joe: what about me says that I want anything Joe: there's always heroin Ronnie: you want me to get arrested then yeah Ronnie: get rid of me like that Joe: I won't let that happen Joe: I'd take the blame before it did Ronnie: youre not listening Ronnie: you wont have any control Ronnie: you dont Ronnie: not over me Joe: I don't need any Joe: I don't want to control you Joe: I want you to do exactly what you want Joe: to me, to them, to the fucking world, that's what I always want Joe: you don't have to come, I thought you wanted to, wanted this Ronnie: stop flirting with me you sick fuck Ronnie: I cant think Joe: it's gone beyond flirting Joe: you've got 'til tomorrow to think Joe: come back Joe: please Ronnie: stop telling me what to fucking do Ronnie: or not do Ronnie: fucks sake Joe: I'm just saying if you don't come then I'll do it on my own Joe: that's just how it is Joe: I don't wanna do it no more, go back, not be here, with you Joe: pretend, more than I have to Ronnie: like fuck are you doing it without me Ronnie: the look on her face thats mine not yours Ronnie: a life for a life Joe: then it's settled Joe: come back though, I know Charlie and Bronson have got fuck all decent in to calm you down Ronnie: theyve got fuck all of anything now like Ronnie: having it in me already is the only reason youre getting words off me instead of a boot in your face Joe: gutted Joe: just for them, before you accuse me of flirting with you again Ronnie: yeah didnt reckon youd follow through on that Joe: if you'd come home I could give you everything you want Joe: close enough that it don't matter no more Ronnie: if I make it that easy neither of us will want it Ronnie: stop fucking crying Joe: what did they have then, make me cry some more with a trip report Ronnie: nursery school shit Ronnie: talk to me about this show and tell you wanna put on Joe: so my dad owns this pub, yeah Joe: st paddy's obviously best day and night of the year for business Joe: it'll be packed Ronnie: no shit Joe: do more damage if there's a crowd to hear and see Ronnie: then what Joe: depends Joe: loads of ways you could do it Joe: it's pretty obvious on both counts what we're trying to say together Joe: leave the rest up to you Ronnie: I know what I'm gonna do Ronnie: I don't trust you to pussy out first chance you get Ronnie: not* Joe: tell me Ronnie: I dont do foreplay Ronnie: fuck alls changed that much since I walked out Joe: alright Joe: could accuse you of being a tease about it but I can wait Ronnie: all those pint glasses on offer are the tease when you know how I feel about glass Ronnie: better lover than you Joe: won't take it personal Joe: made you look this good and I get to look so Ronnie: it only matters that you do take it baby Joe: whatever you give me Joe: and obviously, all this Joe: [drug haul!] Joe: i need to be comatose with you Ronnie: you shouldve started with the offer of that threesome Ronnie: Id be back ages ago Joe: if I made it that easy.. Ronnie: 🖕 Joe: alright, come get yours Joe: hurry up Joe: she's staring at me Ronnie: Im not your bitch Ronnie: Ill be there when im done ✂🪒 Joe: you wanna give them something to remember you by? Ronnie: theyll remember Joe: you gonna bleed for me too though Ronnie: im only doing my hair Ronnie: fuck all else is as fun without an audience Ronnie: dont get excited Joe: awh, you do care Ronnie: do you want me to cut your tongue out so you dont sound as rem as you look tomorrow Ronnie: care about that Joe: ✋🤚 long as you leave all ten relatively unscathed Ronnie: gotta leave myself something Ronnie: youre a shit enough ride already Ronnie: do I sound 🍀 now Joe: exactly like my exes Joe: well about it Ronnie: dont go round saying you were a virgin Ronnie: *nt Ronnie: more embarrassing Joe: oh, reckoned part of your big show was saying you deflowered me Joe: they're gonna be horrified enough though Ronnie: theyd believe it if you wanna go that far with the show Joe: don't reckon that's your plan Joe: but an interesting one Joe: I'll 🤔 on it Ronnie: your ma dont turn me on but neither do you so Id give it a shot Ronnie: reckon youll be horny enough for all of us Joe: the shit will have worn off by then, don't remind me Ronnie: how longs the flight? Joe: hour and a half, bit under Ronnie: 💔 Joe: I know Joe: long enough that all the mile-high cliches are gonna flood right back in Joe: more of a flight risk, should let me have my drugs instead Ronnie: no batteries no sharp objects no point Joe: you're hard to please, my dear Joe: and well selective Joe: the air hostesses, less so if they're even gonna consider it Ronnie: 💘 Joe: you want me to tell 'em you're coming or element of surprise Joe: what's your poison Ronnie: long as it eats away at her I dont give a shit Ronnie: tell em Ronnie: how excited I am Joe: 👍 Joe: on it Ronnie: lay it on well thick Ronnie: make sure theyve all got the taste in their mouths Joe: I know how to breed hope Joe: look at my shining education and musical genius Ronnie: almost hot til you ruined it Joe: one day I'll get you Ronnie: chuck your empty promises at that lot Joe: not the point no more Joe: don't just need my ✋🤚 for you Joe: string for my supper 'til I choke, that's the plan 🎻💉 Joe: can put my diploma on their wall if they want but give a fuck Ronnie: use it for roll ups Ronnie: like a hotel bible Joe: you're really gonna be that hot and not be here Joe: sounds like you Ronnie: it only gets hot when you start thinking about what poison youre gonna lace the 🚬 with Joe: you ever smoked wet? Ronnie: you wanna pop my 🍒 Joe: yeah Joe: only fair Ronnie: who plays fair Joe: hallucinations, disorientation, impaired coordination, paranoia, sexual disinhibition, and visual disturbances Joe: don't play 'cos it's fair, play 'cos it's fun Ronnie: alright you got me Joe: say again Joe: I can get that over there Joe: can smoke some 'fore the show Ronnie: sexual disinhibition Ronnie: thas the show you want Ronnie: I called it Joe: sue me Joe: or worse, obviously 🔪😍 Ronnie: 💉 Ronnie: Ill play and Im leaving Ronnie: dont start todays show without me Joe: you don't have enough hair to be taking this long Ronnie: I was using a broken mirror Joe: Charlie'll be fuming Ronnie: so was I when I broke it Joe: got all the shards out? Ronnie: not my first time Ronnie: youre getting 🍒 greedy now Joe: could've distracted me from the bag with a video or something Joe: you're being selfish, alternative title Ronnie: [sends him something only theyd be into, lord knows] Ronnie: take what youre given and lick it up Ronnie: im not a fucking charity Joe: 👅 Ronnie: ill bring you a shard to put on it the fun can really start Joe: 💘 Ronnie: you can fuck off calling me selfish like Joe: I'll take it back when I feel it Ronnie: yeah Ronnie: you will Joe: you still hate me, like Ronnie: only fair baby Joe: of course Joe: what kind of sick fuck Ronnie: theyll be lining up to tell you tomorrow Joe: might be worth sticking around for Joe: shame, they would make it fun when I'm trying to leave Ronnie: the lads mustve got that memo Ronnie: nothing more fun than a street fight Ronnie: gimme a sec to knock em out Joe: playing nice better or worse than playing fair Ronnie: you tell me soft lad Ronnie: youve had it up to the back teeth Joe: definitely worse Joe: fair was never a big concern with them but less soul-destroying Ronnie: ill rip mine all out before I use em to smile nice Ronnie: playing the way anyone else wants aint a big concern Joe: 🦷🦷 more useful than 👅 Ronnie: dont cry I wont I know what you like Joe: what did I do to deserve you eh Ronnie: you dont Joe: very true Ronnie: but your fucked family deserve me and ill let you watch Joe: suits me Ronnie: yeah you get everything you want Ronnie: this aint any different Joe: got a load of shit I don't want too, that makes up for it Ronnie: not gonna watch you cry fuck joining in Joe: just be here then Ronnie: im coming Joe: shouldn't have gone in the first place Ronnie: thats your fucking fault Joe: yeah Joe: but don't leave me Ronnie: if I wanted you gone Id kill you Joe: you're so considerate Joe: any time Ronnie: you aint getting out of tomorrow Ronnie: ill strap your rotting corpse into a plane seat before I go on my fucking own Joe: I want to be there Joe: and I wouldn't make you go alone either way Ronnie: mckenna Joe: what Ronnie: dont fuck it up Joe: that's your role Joe: is there anything you actually want me to do or just watch Ronnie: stay out of my way Joe: done Ronnie: 💘

[phoenixfire-thewizardgoddess]

TF2 Concept

“Sweetheart-attacks”

- - - -

Concept: The other classes rag on the use of crit-a-cola and BONK!

Concept: The Scouts let them try it… and chaos ensues, because no one else was really prepared to taste something that radioactively sugary. Shot-glasses for safety.

Or the feeling of it wearing off.

[Both teams]

“I’m pretty sure this is what a heart-attack having a heart-attack feels like” gasps BLU Engie. His duplicate just gasping in response, beyond speech for the moment.

RED Pyro is running in circles, screaming through the mask; then stops, falls to their knees and face plants. BLU Pyro is cartwheeling, and screaming, it’s unclear if they’re enjoying the sensation or not.

BLU Sniper stares at the empty glass in horror before running out the door as fast as those lanky legs could take him. Not feeling real at all. His RED opposite following along behind only seconds later; not in control of his body whatsoever.

RED Medic shoots past his team’s marksman, eyes wide and fearful at the explosion of energy filling him up from inside; he’s the second-fastest on the team, and easily surpasses BLU Sniper. Only his own opposite on BLU, keeps pace; with one of the Scouts jogging after both the medical men to make sure they don’t hit anything while aimlessly zipping about.

BLU Heavy seems to shake in place like he’s going to explode, bellowing at the heart-racing sensation. It is entirely unsettling to him despite being enured to the physiological changes wrought by Ubercharges. He does run a little, but motion makes him feel ill; and he stops. RED Heavy concurs, but chooses to expel the energy by smashing things.

RED Demo just lets out a scream for a full eight seconds, and disappears, kilt flailing in the wind. No one has any clue where to find the BLU demolitions expert, but his scream is echoing from somewhere in the region. They’d look in a minute.

BLU Soldier lets out a SCREAMING EAGLES and starts digging a hole as fast as he can, like a jackhammer. RED frogmarches around the base in record time, saluting as he does so. At least they’re contained, thinks the remaining Scout.

RED Spy sips, cloaks, and goes for an awkward jog. Feeling all his muscles spasming at once is entirely unpleasant. BLU Spy cloaks in order to complete a series of acrobatics he would deny he had performed, with his dying breath. It doesn’t feel like enough… too much. Too much energy thrumming through their veins.

And then it stops. Dead.

Heartbeats snap back to normal, bodies lose that tingling thrill. The fireworks stop.

Some collapse, some go pale and sweaty, others gasp and grab onto things to stay upright.

“Vhat zhe hell is that?” gasps RED Medic, clinging to a nearby fence as the Scout who’d accompanied them helped BLU Medic stumble back.

“Fastest radioactive sugar rush of ya life, huh pal?” he grins.

“Why do I feel like death is coming?” BLU Spy asks, hands shaking violently as his entire body breaks out in a cold sweat. “Mon dieu, I need a shower!”

RED Spy is fruitlessly trying to smoke the jitters away, but can’t seem to hold the cigarette in his trembling fingers, and gives up.

“Feel like it? Lad, I c’n see the ruddy Reaper bastard looming over me’ body right now!” shouts RED Demoman, sprawled on the ground with no intention of moving ever again.

“It ain’t that bad all the time, just gotta get used to it, right?” explains his Scout, patiently, gently, and with an air of teasing that was directly attributed to sweet, sweet payback. He recalled how Demo had patronisingly treated him the first time he’d gotten drunk.

“Oh no, never again. Son, I want to die in my sleep and not from whatever this is.” BLU Engie gasps, propped up against his opposite number, and clutching his chest. Winded.

“Aw Engie, live a little. Now, any’a ya wanna try it again out on the field? ‘Cause I can show ya how to dodge sentry bullets if ya want…” BLU Scout beams.

“Nein. Dear gott im himmel, nein, junge. I vould prefer the sweet release of death itself…” chokes RED Medic, slumping to the ground beside his Heavy. BLU Medic has flopped onto the ground, and does not seem to wish to move; his Heavy comes to him.

The Soldiers are… still going. Maybe that’s what they were like, anyways. They’ll tucker themselves out soon enough.

BLU Sniper and his RED counterpart are still upright and acting as if they weren’t dying inside, probably by virtue of growing up in Australia. They still threw the Scouts disgruntled looks now and then, clearly stating that they were NOT pleased with events.

Scouts are laughing.

“Dude I think yer Pyro’s dead… wait, no, asleep.” BLU Scout prods the RED arsonist.

“Well, your Demo’s screaming in our base’s pantry and that aint good. He uh, he got any pants we can put on him?” RED asks, tentatively.

“Sorry but nah.” apologises the BLU, shuddering. He’d seen far too much, far too often, to be quite certain about that fact.

They take stock of their downed teammates with such dispassionate gazes, it’s almost startling to behold their ire.

“Seriously? Get up. Everyone. If this was in battle, ya still gotta keep going. Ain’t that whatcha always shoutin’ at us?” RED calls, shaking the classes closest to him, some hesitantly attempt to rise, but most whine and groan in response.

“Not so easy, huh? Takes some getting used to, that’s fer damn sure.” BLU offers, slightly more sympathetic than his own counterpart. “Alright, but come over ta the testing ground and we’ll try again. Easier if ya already running abit when ya take a sip.”

They do it. Works better. Scouts outpace all by ages, Medics are close behind though.

Same results.

“Alright, that’s enough. Everyone breathe best ya can… and then apologise fer all the shit ya heap on us scouts when it comes ta bonk-related stuff, and we’ll show-ya something cool.”

Instructs to set up two sentries (both engies).

Everyone takes a taste of BONK again, and the Scouts sip theirs. Everyone can see the superspeed boost as they move, throwing themselves oddly acrobatically, through the air dodging bullets with ease, and hitting the floor unmarked as the spies sap both sentries to save them.

“See? Can be fun too!”

“Don’t ever do zhat again, I vas having a coronary vatching you und thinking about your imminent death.”

“AW doc, ya do care!”

“So, who wants ta try it?”

Screaming.

“Okay, then no more smart-ass comments.”

“Ve agree.”

And bonk! remains unquestioned to this day. Team compensating for the few seconds of recharge needed when the scouts’s bonk meter ran out.

[survivormuxloe]

Episode #7: “david smokes WEED. thats his personality in a nutshell.” - Scott

this merge is TEA!!! like honestly i have no idea what i'm gonna do because i actually have so many things i can do in this merge... like i have the choice of realigning with my old tribe or jumping on the other side with some of the others like.... this is exciting!!

MERGE, MOTHEREFFERSSSS. Man, what a time to be alive. Not only did Danielle and Michael survive their tribal, but the original Mercia has now come into the merge with numbers. Beneficial at first, but eventually they all gotta go, haha.

Right now, I'm sitting pretty with two major alliances, both of them have Felix in them as well. The one with Danielle and Michael and the one with Ahrre. Combining these two alliances will be beneficial to me, as well as continuing my social connections with Mo and Tobi. Tobi is a target for me, cuz I know how well liked he can be, so I have to get him before he gets me.

As far as this first immunity challenge, I wanna win to make a statement. I wanna show everyone that I am a fierce competitor in all aspects of the game. And as far as the vote goes, I'm hoping we can get an original Sweyn out. Don't know who yet, but we will have to see based on these challenge results.

Merged? This early WHAT. (Malik was fukin robbed)

Lowkey am nervous, while I dont want to play tribal lines as I think thats boring. I dont want to assume it wont happen. Im in the minority tribe so its something I have to be cautious of. I have to try to branch out to new people and start something soon to put myself into a powerful positon.

Ryan, Jones and Tobi are all good with me from my old tribe. So is Scott from the first tribe. I think this could easily work aswell, as I think Scott is close to ryan and tobi, and maybe if im not mistaken Jones aswell. So this is an easy platform to start from.

However if im honest. I dont think im anyones 1st choice in that allaince. Malik was the only person I knew they had my back. So im going to try to play the line of being inbetween for the first couple of rounds so i can get a solid footing.

WOOO, I MADE THE MERGE. This is the best thing bc now i have options now and im not limited. It seems that it will devolve into a tribal game which i dont want to happen but ill just go with the flow.

okay so hi we MERGED! WHICH WAS MY BIGGEST FUCKING WORRY BC its 7-5 mercia-sweyn now.. and missus david already trying to get mercia to stick together on og lines 24 hrs in.. LMAOOO. like when has that ever fucking worked out saying that dumbass.

like the tea is.. nobody on sweyn is close to wes so its basically 8-4. but i have tobi + michael to make it 6-6.. and im working on mo/ahrre rn just so that they wouldn't personally vote me bc i need to limit the targets so if we need to use ryans idol we can lol.

i still dk how to feel ab dani tho. i feel as if she could play both sides really effectively and thats scary af.. it's just tellin people what they wanna hear to prove im with them and getting them to keep quiet hehe LAMFJNHFBFG

david/wes are the primary targets to go first for me tho. and hopefully i win immunity so my ass aint grass lol

Ayee it's mergeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

So malik is dead and I'm back with all the lads from my og tribe, and I've been getting to know the guys from the other tribe. So scott flipped on Malik last week because it seems that Michael is close to him. Michael already told me David is all about keeping things Mercia strong and he's not feeling it that much, as for me I have no reason to target anyone so I'm gonna lay back and keep my options open.

Unfortunately the I couldn't find the Mercia idol so someone else probably has it I think. However my alliance with Felix and David is still pretty useful because now we're working on getting the merge idol, hopefully we'll get there before anyone else.

As far as the challenge goes the wikipedia search is always fun but I won't try superhard, it might be risky but I would rather be vulnerable these first couple votes instead of making myself a challenge threat.

Oh also the name of the tribe is Kirby, the best smash brothers character, so that's nice

david smokes WEED. thats his personality in a nutshell. cant wait 4 him to leave.

we merged <3__<3 i'm happy. i'm not playing a good game at the moment but i'm here bitch. i'm seemingly in a minority 7 to 5 based on og tribes but i'm not sure if that's strict or not. Scott told me Michael told him that David said he wants og Mercia to stick together... but why would Michael say this to Scott lol idk. I think there are cracks but I'm not going out of my way to find them right now....

also right when we merged, Scott mentioned to me that Jones told him the idol was found... which is funny lol she ran right to him at merge, and has never mentioned idol searching to me. Not surprised or suspicious at all, but noteworthy

omfg you know what's weird.... right after i sent the last confessional i get a pm from Jones and she just brought up how she knows the idol is gonefkadhfasd is she psychic

Hiiii, okay so didn't come close to winning immunity, LOL. But honestly that's actually okay with me. People will probably start to see me less as a physical threat.

Right now, Michael and I are working towards getting Wes out, and then Mo next. Tribe lines are still very much there at least from my perspective, which is better for me cuz I'll always have many options on who to take out.

I have a lot to talk about so I'm just gonna write a whole ass ESSAY IN THIS BITCH (something minor but cute) I CAME UP WITH THE TRIBE NAME!! It's perfect since the color scheme is pink, it's "Kirby Muxloe Castle", AND Kirby is just a pleasant video game character?? I loved it, the tribe loved it, and even if they didn't, AJ picked it anyway! SOOOOO,, life is swell in this chilis tonight,, RN everyone on the merge tribe seems p chill! I've talked with mostly all of them, so I feel like I can give my opinions? I adore Mo and Michael since they're my irl friends obviously,, but I'd love to actually work with them in game more yk? I've only said hi to Felix, but he seems nice. David is a comp threat and apparently he's already thinking about staying Mercia strong like,,,ok bud. Dani seems like a mess btw - A FUN MESS, but we told her twice that the immunity challenge was out and she was still like ????? oh wow???? she seems neat though. ALSO I LOST IMMUNITY. BY A FUCKING LOT. seriously how the fuck does someone get 3 for each wiki link like ???? I'm convinced Rhys is a wizard. Thank god one of my allies is a wizard. Scooty tried making me feel better by telling me I did better than the abstainers like :^) thanks king! um but yeah, it seems like right now the name everyone's throwing out is Wes and I'm totally fine with that - wes hasn't talked to me since we got back together and has proven that he's a challenge threat yk? so yeah, that's my life rn, I'll probably spam the hosts with more confessionals in a few minutes so you're welcome <3

Ok so I just got off a call with Felix and it seems that everyone is voting for Wes which I’m fine with because it isn’t me. BUT. David was the one who threw Wes’s name out to begin with and as we’ve known previously David dropped my name first the round Jose was eliminated and David also immediately threw my name out to Felix during the puzzle round like “If we go home because of Mo we’re voting him out” meanwhile we were on a team with Wes, him being the only person from another tribe on the second Mercia so we know he’s not loyal. So my concern is that next round unless I’m immune, my name will be the first name he drops. I don’t want that and neither does Felix. So Felix is going to talk to some people about voting David out next round and I’m going to talk to Jones about it. I’m close friends with Jones and I know she won’t talk about our conversation to anyone. So if the plan backfires and someone tells David that we’re trying to backdoor him. They’ll tell him that it was Felix who dropped his name thus he’ll probably want him gone over me. I know that’s shady of me but I’m still allied with him and I wouldn’t betray him but it’s more of a last resort plan ahead of time if that makes sense.

i've been quiet for the first few days of merge and just letting people come to my pm's and chatting with them and i think it;s working out rly well for me, i'm laying low and don't think i'm a target... apparently Wes is the prominent plan going around and i haven't heard anything else. Felix messaged me for the first time and we talked for a lil and then he realized who I really was and that was funny fsdjkf. Then he brought up how he thinks David is arrogant and a threat, and how he's preaching to keep Mercia strong.. and he wants to blindside him next round after Wes leaves. wig? i'm down sis lmfao. He was like "I have Mo, who you got?" and i mean idk why my 3 other ppl from Sweyn wouldn't go for that as well, so bam.

but i'm not gonna run to everyone and start initiating that shit bc it aint necessary. i did mention it to Jones on the sly though just bc we were chatting anyway and idk it doesn't hurt to share some tea sometimes lol.

so tribal is Looming. uhm. as far as i know wes is the target by like EVERYONE lmaoo i thought mercia 2.0 was gunna keep him around but nope.. little do they know OG sweyn dont give a shit ab him

and then missus felix goin around saying david is next after wes? bold move cotton lets see if it pays off lol liek we aint even done with this tribal.. and his ass is def gunna overplay doin it WATCH

luckily for me i have michael tellin me everythn.. i have jones who trusts me and we are gunna work with mo.. ryan rhys and tobi all love me. thats at least 6 ppl who have my back so thats 7 votes on my side so.. im kinda untouchable atm and if anyone tried to come for me id know LANDKDNG

ig my hitlist rn is wes > david > dani > felix tbh but thats just tea

These birches. They tried to beat me. But this bitch outsold. I won immunity. Lowkey only tried to win it cause I thought there was a reward and there wasn’t whoops. I also probably only won because I knew what to look for in the challenge cause I’m English.

Anyway this tribal is kinda boring. Like I woke up to the plan being solid and set, on Wes. Which worries me, if this is reoccurring that the plan is sorted when I’m asleep I’m gonna be a goat. This can’t happen.

So I’m told Wes is this vote and next vote is David. Which I’m happy about. As Wes is a goat it seems due to his terrible social game. Which if he stays he would be used as a space which makes it harder for me to stay and set up a winning game. David is someone who probably wouldn’t work with me, so that benefits me him being gone. However i need to make sure I’m 100% safe this next round and the one after. So I need to work on my connections outside people I knew before merge and make an alliance.

Im VERY nervous about this vote i havent been as active as Id like this round so I could be in HUgE trouble let me talk to people and figure out how screwed I am

Working together is for sure the smartest option just to get that damned idol two heads are after all better than one so me and Scott are gonna have that idol. To me the vote is pretty clearly on Wes I’ve heard no opposition and I can’t see anything changing in 3 hours but I’m gonna keep an eye out because who know what will happen.

uhm so. mercia stayin silent in my dms. gr8. :)

im always nerv that im gunna be blindsided but its impossible rn i think ? bc ryan/rhys/jones dont vote me.. tobi wouldnt.. and michael wouldnt.. so itd be 6-6 at best if it was to come down to it. and i feel as if id hear it by now LAMFHNBG

idk i just hate these mercia ppl.. theyre so dry n awful. can og sweyn - wes just be the f4 pls?

Ok so I MERGED and i was so shook because it happened all so fast. This game is flying by for me. I had to abstain from the challenge because I was still on vacation. I’m trying the best I can to stay active and shit but I’m finally home. Wes is gonna be an easy vote this week since everyone says he isnt active and shit LMFAO  

Wes is voted out 10-1-1.