#this is not creative and im tired and done
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new job new job pleaseeee........
#akai speaks#new job pleaseeee im so tired with being a fucking data entry whatever the fuck qa#this is not creative and im tired and done
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anyways . silly thing
#gravity falls#stanford pines#stanley pines#lg doodles#animatic#i want it done.get out of here u stupid dog#ITS CHEESY.IM SORRY ! IMSORRY <embarrassed .truly#but i think. a gf revival would not be complete w/o me trying my hand at a shitty animatic. this 1 is for me dwg#as annoying as the whole process was it was kind of fun ngl. . like ive never been good at keeping a consistent style or chara model#and this was rly good practice for that .. i think looking at it now its like. no its crazxy its insane bc i dont ever want to do it again#at least in the immediate future but watching it back im like ok well.icouldve at least done that better. or tried to loosen up my vp and#made it feel less flat . <thats the devil talking & trying to get u back in on it.thats what i mean liike its fun but its evil and tiring#also im so creatively burnt out ik i couldve done so many fun ciphord gore things but i ug a 'shrug' pff 'shrug' i ?. yk#if only i didnt have the disposition to want to finish everything in one sitting. i think thats why i like static illustration#more bc u get more like. topical variety in a shorter amt of time u feel. anyways i remember hearing this song 4 the first time and in#my need to apply everything ever to my hyperfix i was like omg crop circles soo stanford lol. omg a deal he made when he was young.. & no#it doesnt feel so great does it .. (ciphordd)..then the eyes & fate i was alr convinced but when it got 2 the stanley part ab the taking hi#fathers brothers name i was like ok well fuck filbrick 1 . but rewritten for canon events anyways HELLO???????? AND U WILL DIE THE SAMEE?#much cooler version is still stuck in my head but i hope that u can get the same rudimentary vision i have
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Netflix citing the "steep drop off" of viewership on Dead Boy Detectives for its cancellation infuriates me.
You gave us 8 episodes. Netflix, you know how easy it is to binge 8 episodes, you developed the model for binge TV. But instead of 20+ episodes you do 8. Not even 12. Casual viewership won't binge 8 episodes over and over. Of course the show had a steep decline. People watched it all already in a single day. 8 episodes!
This is why I don't like engaging with new media anymore unless it's a video game. It just feels that all the "streaming giants" have become so disconnected and if something isn't a global phenomenon -- it's gone. But you don't even give us enough content to help you make it a global phenomenon anymore.
Whatever.
#dead boy detectives#im so sad#like an unfinished fanfic i likely wont engage anymore with a season one of a serial show#anyway im tired of money influencing creativity and the arts in the way it now has been designed to do#they are taking away the ability for media to become cult classics#media that was ahead of its time? theyre taking away its ability to be discovered#theyre removing shows and movies for tax cuts and to avoid paying people for their work#im just so done fam
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#clemart#macthinker#ttcc#toontown corporate clash#im out of captions. what do i even say to this. im really embarrassed with this one#which means absolutely nothing because im embarrassed over EVERY piece but i digress.#wisdom tooth socket ache is no match for the power of macthinker withdrawl no drawing 6 days no nothing#alone in a wet cardboard box with no art .. but im free now#actually the aching isnt that bad sorry guys i lied. after the 1st day i was fine i was just tired#this was supposed to be a warmup but i got carried away#ive also done that grabbing pose like 3 times now i need to get creative
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🤡 ⭐️ funny little cardigan 🌙 ❤️
maybe I'll actually dress up and style an outfit or something
#bo posting#my art#crochet#granny square#FINALLY TOOK BETTER PICTURES!!!!!!!!! AUGH#im still unbelievably proud of this#enjoy me never shutting up about it#its the first thing ive finished.... in months#and i feel like crying#ive been so envious of everyone around me being able to even hold a pen#and i had to chanel my creativity elsewhere and that was in this and this only#i was tired and felt guilty for how sick it made me feel to be in artistic spaces#or seeing my friends draw#like??? unproductive. helps no one?? 🗞💥🧠#so this was my solution#its the only creative thing thats made me happy in a long time#its the only creative thing that ive done for myself lately too#doing something creatively for other people has been hard#wahhhhhhh#i want to put my creative energy ive put into crochet into more things. i dont like how hard thats been#idky i havent been able to talk about it#like articulating it properly is one thing but like? never... even tried#i think it hit when it was the only thing i could tell my therapist that i could do that made me happy rn#the only expectations were my own#wow i did NOT intend to vent but hey thanks for reading 💏💖💋💞
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finally got around to finishing a sketch from last year 🎉🎉🎉
aug '22 -> mar '23 -> oct '23
#EYAHH HHHHHH im so tired ahahha#:3c im rlly rlly rlly happy w how it turned out 😌 sometimes you gotta take a one year break from a piece ahdghashgdgha#i popped off ngl#genshin impact#cyno#i love cynoooo ooo so much i should play with him more audghfh#my art#yknow what i like you *transes your cyno*#going back to old wips when you dont have any creative juices is a good idea why havent i done this before smh#im rendering another old wip aodfjdhggdk i love rendering so much and i hate it with a burning passion#like its always the thing i look forward to the most but it also fills me with dread.. yknow??
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#86
Being a hero is stressful. That much is common knowledge. How a hero goes about unwinding from said stress is a mystery no one has yet figured out.
The hero settles in one of the little chairs in the circle. The man next to her gives her a light nudge. “Let’s see what you made this week, then.”
The hero reaches into her bag to show off her latest stress relief—a giant blanket, knitted in the downtime between jobs, sporting a rainbow of colours in bright streaks across its face. Everyone oohs and ahhs appropriately before the rest of the circle gets to showing off their own creations.
It’s been nice to have a place that isn’t entirely consumed by work, the hero thinks as she nods approvingly at someone’s mug cosy. No worrying about tomorrow, no wondering where the villains might be.
Her gaze flits to the next person in line to show something off, and her heart momentarily stops as she meets her eye. At least she doesn’t have to worry about the latter of her thoughts right now.
What the hell is the villain doing at the hero’s weekly knitting club?
“Go on,” the woman next to the villain prompts. The villain huffs and makes a show of it, but she pulls out a cardigan with a ghost of a pleased smirk.
The hero only realised why she’s so self-satisfied when she catches herself gaping in awe. The villain’s little cardigan is elaborate in pattern, swooping waves lining its shoulders. The yarns meld together in a perfect cacophony of colour. It’s amazing, more amazing than anything the hero could do.
The villain soaks in the praise with a humble nod before setting her gaze on the hero. It probably looks hopeful to anyone else, but the hero can see the glitter of arrogance in her eye. Go on, the villain’s practically saying, tell me how great I am.
“It’s nice,” the hero says through gritted teeth, and the villain’s smile turns humoured.
The hero can’t leave fast enough. Everyone else is packing their projects away. The hero’s blanket gets folded thankfully easily and she’s out the door before anyone can stop her.
Fine. A new project. Something to advance her skills and show the villain that she’s not the hot shit she thinks she is.
It takes all week. The hero holds her jumper up to show the group. The villain raises her eyebrows from across the circle.
“Inspired by another knitter here,” the hero says with what could almost be sarcasm, and the villain snorts a poorly contained laugh.
The villain shows off her creation. A pair of mittens, the patterns lacy and the colours bright. The hero scowls. Pissed doesn’t describe the feeling.
Next week. A layered scarf from the hero. The villain wins everyone’s affections with a tiny knitted elephant. “For my niece’s birthday,” the villain says innocently. “She loves them.”
Leaving is becoming more of a race with each passing week. “Keep trying,” the villain comments brightly before the hero can escape. “You’ve plenty of room to improve.”
The hero considers strangling the villain with her scarf.
The hero settles at her computer that evening with a scowl and a cup of hot chocolate, mentally prepared to prowl the internet for several hours for ideas on how to one-up the villain. It’s madness. She’s meant to be out there kicking the villain’s ass, and here she is trying to out-knit her.
It’s been three weeks, and she’s only just realising that her stress-relieving hobby is suddenly a lot more stress-inducing.
“Fuck,” she hisses outloud, and she momentarily considers the idea of knitting the word into a coaster for the villain too.
#creative writing#writblr#writers on tumblr#writing#writing community#heroes and villains#hero x villain#i cant lie broskis!!! work is tiring!!!#ive been working basically fukn above my job title (yes i will be making a big point of this to my boss) and every day im KNACKERED#weve been filmin some stuff for promotional stuff and tho my boss is like 'yea ill sort stuff :)' ive done ALL the planning#its been fun but itll be nice for this week to be over (affectionate)#and i know i say this a lot and it never happens but the queue is genuinely short rn and i am mostly coming home and staring at walls#so if it runs out and things end up a lil late sorry! im just tryna remember how to be human
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day 1 of relearning sketching/literally basic traditional drawing skills, here's a wonky little II for u
side note: I'm a lil tipsy (we are hanging out in the backyard around the fire pit tonight!) so my hands are extra clumsy lol, bear with me I just thought his not-quite-correctness was a lil cute pls be kind I am so so out of practice :')
#he is so strangely shaped lol i wanna throw up a lil posting this#but i've learned over the years that half of creative growth is getting over yourself and throwing ur work out there even if it def sucks#which this does by my standards. BUT also learning to let go of perfectionism in sketching so its okay if it sucks 👍#idk man im going through it but im trying to remember “holy shit 2 cakes!”#anyways yeah ramble done im just anxious and buzzed and tired lol mwah goodnight loves#elkkie doodles#<- i dont want these in my art tag so here's a new one#sleep token#sleep token ii
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don’t mind me, just going to queue up some amazing fics while i sulk a little about not participating in kinktober 🥲
#— yap central#tw vent#now im just gonna ramble a little in tags bc it’s basically my diary#i am fully aware that this is 110 a ‘me’ problem but that doesn’t stop me from going into a sad spiral ✌🏻😗#i am very excited to read all my friends kinktober fics and i will devour them all MARK MY WORDS#idk i just find myself a little upset by the fact that im not participating#firstly i am NOT confident in my smut writing abilities#secondly the few times I have done it it just really killed my motivation to write#found it boring and v repetitive#but there’s something about seeing so many people participate#so many talented writers all gathering#creating super creative ideas and concepts and GOSH PEOPLE ARE AO TALENTED#AAAAND the state is the fandom right now is very smut centred#which is absolutely no problem i mean i read and reblog smut all the time#it’s just a little rough yk#comparison really is the devil#idk been a rough day at work and im just tired I suppose#ANYWAY I WILL DEVOUR ALL THE KINKTOBER FICS#YOURE ALL CRAZY GOOD AND I ADMIRE YOU ALL
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Maybe doing another or a new hobby can help ! Maybe baking could help, even if u are not really good at it from the get go, is a fun thing to try out
i really should try to get into other hobbies but its very hard!! i have really bad perfectionism habits and immediately drop things im not instantly good at jfdgn and the Horrors make it hard for me to squeeze dopamine out of anything </3 tbh if anyone has suggestions for like, cheap things to do im listening fdbhjghjb
#i feel bad for complaining so often but man. there is not much good in my life rn#like im truly sorry that i keep biden blasting my blog with 2012 emo ranting#i just got nothin !!! to do!!! to think about!!#i cant even really generate art ideas anymore bc im becoming so far removed from a human person that my mind is just blank all the damn tim#shitty sketch of tails lifting a log to look at bugs is the most creative thing ive done in weeks#i really had to work for that idea#god im just. im numb im tired i want to die#i dont know how to be a person anymore and i feel like im losing my mind#cw vent#cw suicidal thoughts
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i just gotta draw late at night more i just cooked a cool af sketch after sitting with sai open for the past 3 hours.. changing my sleep schedule fucked up my creativity flow i cant do anything until its like midnight at least
#i used to stay up until at least 2am and all was good now i go to bed earlier so i didnt get anything done in a while#and now that i go until 1am i see i get more creative now but im already tired since i keep waking up at like 7#5am today actually. shit sucks
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I NEED RAIN WORLD MUTUALS!!!!! GENUINELY PLEASE!!! I DONT KNOW ANYONE ELSE IN MY CIRCLE WHOS AS INTO THE GAME AS ME!!!!! i need to obsess over spec bio stuff and general bio stuff with someone PLEASE!! gamedev stuff!! environment stuff!! music stuff!! anything omg
#rain world#not to mention. my slightly mean(?) spirited opinion on. the fandom post downpour.#im so sorry but i cannot handle it.#bubblegum quote. used to be so small and manageable etc etc.#now#the shipping. lord.#so sorry to anyone who does but. that is a creature. a wild animal.#please im begging to have more creativity.#there are so many more interesting things that can be done that the lore of the game sets up.#theres not even any hint of romance in the game!! for once can we please have a space thats not obsessed with it!!#anyways. perspective of an animal obsessed aroace individual who is a little tired of such shenanigans#can it not even be considered in a new way unique to this world? but no. we simply Must have human ways interjected in.#sorry all#anyways anyways#if that sits fine with you. please please talk to me about rain world im not kidding.
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#screaming into the void#im fine just frustrated and sad#i was finishing my huntokar necklace and it literally fell apart in my hands#ive tried talking about new writing projects for another blog and was met with zero interest#ive tried talking about projects in different places and just end up feeling like im half way into a story and no one is listening#it hurts and im tired of trying#i feel like i never grew out of the little kid phase where no one actually cares about my odd interests#i feel like the crying little kid everyone is ignoring because 'theyre just doing it for attention'#i feel like maybe i just don't exist and maybe that's why no one seems to care about the things try to share#i know it's not as bad as it seems im just incredibly discouraged right now#ive created beautiful things and almost no one in my life cares or is safe to talk to and share with#trying to share things online is often met with silence#its getting harder and harder to believe that my dad was wrong about my art and writing not having value#that he was wrong that my passions and the things i love arent worthless or meaningless#it makes me feel like i should just give up on making things#it seems doubtful any of it would be missed anyway#i know its dramatic to say and i know im magnifying a few rough patches right now i know im being emotional and overdramatic#but my chest hurts and it really does feel like nothing ive ever done matters like nothing i will ever create will ever matter#my thoughts and creative writing and art are all meaningless because no one seems to car#im sitting in an empty room full of people trying to be heard and no one knows im there
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n one gets him like i do no one understands him like me no one is as insane about him as i am STARTS GNAWING AT THE THE BARS OF MY ENCLSOURE
#toxi.txt#and yet i feel bad for the way i love him because at what point does love for a fictional character simply become sad and pathetic#ive only grown more irritated the more ive started to love him. more annoyed than ive ever been by skinny williams. by bad characterization#by the way i feel like im in my own echo chamber and cant truly talk about him with anybody else because they dont get it -#or because ive talked of him so much its become irritating and annoying and no one wants to hear it anymore#but its not like i can just stop. i wouldnt want to even if i could. he makes me happy#at some point the love is simply... neglect for everything else. im sure people are tired of seeing me draw him over and over and over#and isnt it ridiculous? that i feel like a bad person just for loving a character?#but the amount of people who actually like william continues to dwindle#his tag is quiet and it only gets quieter and sometimes the only people who speak are thise who dont understand him#its a loneliness of my own design other times. its not like like-minded people dont exist#and i guess also#how long can you siphon a well until it runs dry?#i already lack creativity. it's been worse this month or so than ever. maybe sometimes theres nothing else to be done#maybe im only ever repeating myself saying things ive said before. maybe i have nothing good to say at all
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Bleh.
#idk. experiencing that fun dooming feeling of knowing im too weird and sensitive to engage in proper fandom.#so i just watch everyone else have a fucking blast and i sit here in my 'i feel way too much way too hard' corner#i want to be able to engage in stuff more. to talk to people more. to ENJOY things more#instead i live in fear every fucking day of what thing is gonna accidentally upset me#and ill have to deal with the mental torment nexus that follows for the next 8 hours#like this cannot be normal. this has to be a thing that can be treated#but i have no money or resources to look into that#i just wish i was normal.#im so tired of making friends while wearing a mask#and realizing i can never take it off because they'll leave as soon as i do#be nice be agreeable be kind you have to you HAVE to or you'll have no one#idk i wanna give up im so tired all the time.#my ideas all feel like shit. all being creative has done is make people drop me and hate me.#im loved until im not what they want they thought i was.#im always needed never wanted.#i keep! trying to find spaces i feel like me in. that i feel GOOD in#and its the same fucking story no matter what. i never do it *right*.#i don't do ships right i don't do trans right i don't do bi right i don't do aro right.#every community has made it clear that im not what they want.#im tired of floating and being lost. what would it matter if i was lost forever that seems to be what the universe wants for me anyway.#im tired of living based on what everyone else wants#I'd rather die finally doing something just for me.#vent
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#feels like all my energy has been stolen away from me lately#spent most of this holiday weekend just sleeping or trying to catch back up on chores and daily tasks cause ive been drowning in them#and i really want to write#or draw#or do /something/ creative but i just....can't#brain's too dead for it apparently#even reading fics or anything is too much effort rn#maybe when this stupid work project is done ill have the energy for something again?#idk...#i dont like this#at all#im just tired...
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