#this is not a shitpost; I'm serious

[foxoftheasterisk]

so there's this problem where people use "girl" to refer to adult women all the time

the reason, of course, being that "girl" is casual in a way "woman" will never be

it doesn't happen with guys because. there's the word "guy" for them.

ALL THAT IN MIND,

we need to repopularize the word "gal"

[secondbeatsongs]

cut open a package of bacon while making food tonight, and then paused to take a pic because I realized the way I open bacon is probably not normal

is it just me? does anyone else do this?

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

anyone else have multiple traumatic memories associated specifically with holidays/family vacations? because that is a topic I never see discussed in all the So You Had A Shitty Childhood, Now What? self-help books i've been reading. but for me, it was a significant thing. and the more i think about it the more it seems like this would be an (unfortunately) common experience. would be grateful to hear if this matches other peoples' experiences...

[blackkatdraws2]

Happy 4/27, Stanley!! [Blank Scripts AU/shitpost]

[hrokkall]

not a ship & late request sorryyy but could i shoot my shot n request some valentines p03 for the p03 likers 👉👈

I'll do you one better. Here's a set of scrybe valentines for all your scrybe valentine needs. Perfect for loved* ones. Or hated ones.

*I'm not liable if you, like the scrybes, have to file divorce papers after gifting one of these to someone.

Bonus sort of usable one. Sort of.

For people with good taste.

[thegreatgremlingang]

broke: Jiang fengmian thirsted after cangse sanren and took in wei ying bc he was cangse sanren's child

woke: Jiang fengmian was literally just good friends with cangse sanren

BESPOKE: Jiang fengmian and cangse sanren formed the Wei Changze simp club so they could collectively thirst after wei changze and jiang fengmian took in wei ying bc he was WEI CHANGZE (and his homie cangse sanren)'s child

[field-cryptobotanist]

Okay so what if next episode Sam tragically disappears, lena insists he just got fired and there's a forth voice in the computer

[essektheylyss]

I'm just thinking about those family secrets and drama that people don't tell the kids about because kids can blurt things out in mixed company even with the best intentions, that you only learn when your mom says something offhand about "And that's why your cousin lived with us for a year," while you're helping in the kitchen at 11pm the night before a holiday and it recontextualizes a whole bunch of stuff from when you were nine and things didn't quite add up but also you were having a great time having sleepovers with your cousin, but also this context raises a LOT of other questions.

So in that regard, it is so funny to wonder like, how much Luc actually knows about Essek. Has he actually met him? I presume he has, but in that case, was he in disguise? Does Luc know him by an alias? Is Essek one of those family members who shows up to events very intermittently and no one really talks about? For that matter, how much does he know about Caleb's history?

I'm just imagining him hearing the "Shadowhand" comment in the Archive and not knowing who the fuck this geezer is talking about let alone why his godfather's being threatened until Aunt Jester says, "And he's going to hurt Essek," and putting a lot of things together that also raises more questions than it answers like

[possessable]

I think Iselda needs to meet the nailmasters and then realize that Sly's kids are actually these giant badasses that he trained to be masters of the nail and not tiny flies like she was imagining.

EXTREMELY TRUE

[gynoidgearhead]

tradwife is a neogender for mostly cis people. change my mind

[mushroompoisoning]

hey mechs fandom! guess who's back

[ariadne-mouse]

Alert: this is a very stupid post and not to be taken seriously.

So when it was revealed the first attack on Keyleth was Ludinus trying to test drawing out Vax, folks were pointing out that Ludinus would have had to stay up to date on Vox Machina romances in order to have the information to make that plan, which is very funny. I posit an additional hypothetical: if the preliminary attack had accidentally been fatal for Keyleth herself (I say accidentally because Ludinus would want to wait to execute the plan in full later, so wouldn't have killed her then) then Ludinus would have lost his bait and would have to figure out another way to draw out Vax.

And you know what that means. Matchmaking. Get the sad bird man to fall in love again so he can threaten the new person. Ludinus using every iota of his skill in manipulation and patience and influencing of events to set up Situations, and he needs it because as a celestial champion Vax is not just walking around into your average coffee shop. He becomes the king of tropes. He reads trash romance to get ideas and runs into Caleb at a naughty book store in Rexxentrum and it's very awkward for both of them. With centuries of experience and villainy, HOW has it come to this-

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

putting my prediction on record now that the coming decade is going to see the rise of viral-marketed fancy at-home water filtration systems, driving and driven by a drastic reduction in the quality of U.S. tap water (given that we are in a 'replacement era' where our current infrastructure is reaching the end of its lifespan--but isn't being replaced). also guessing that by the 2030s access to drinkable tap water will be a mainstream class issue, with low-income & unstably housed people increasingly forced to rely on expensive bottled water when they can't afford the up-front cost of at-home filtration--and with this being portrayed in media as a "moral failing" and short-sighted "choice," rather than a basic failure of our political & economic systems. really hope i'm just being alarmist, but plenty of this already happens in other countries, and the U.S. is in a state of decline, so. here's praying this post ages into irrelevance. timestamped April 2023

[samexebin]

I think my dream career would be lying under the reactor of a spaceship and rapidly splicing cables with my teeth while we're narrowly escaping a pirate's harpoon by juicing the engine so hard we rip the launcher out of the other ship's frame but I don't think that exists yet so I have to settle for esoteric wizard languages that make light and sound. also there would be a greasy girl there with me who's the ship's munitions expert and she teaches me more about the guns on the ship and I convince her to stick her hand into the shield generator. she's mostly there for tumblr notes but we're in love regardless

[commandertartarsmoocher]

[insert detailed post about the many parallels between Octo Expansion & Side Order here]

[hrokkall]

Egg n cheese

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