#this is more so a rant about my belief that connection and community make up the human experience instead of things like love and empathy

[aroacewxs]

who up tonight thinking about aro rui again. and perhaps. Living

just! rui's loneliness being a factor of alienation from his peers but also from growing up in an amatonormative society where love is prized above all else. rui, who has always witnessed romantic love as a concept through the eyes of somebody else, but has never experienced on his own. rui, who feels like a complete outsider, merely a member of the audience when it comes to love. he's only a monster, one who is uncaring of others' feelings and is far too wretched to understand such an idea.

but then!! it comes to him! not through a special someone or a hasty front porch confession, but through the understanding that he has a place, he's not alone, there are people just like him. people who want to form connections with him. connections that don't have to be labelled, but rather, transcend any idea of what is considered romantic or platonic, anything else. they can be their own people, their own thing.

it's not only love, it's the bigger realization that you fill up the room and leave holes when you are gone. your name carries weight, and tracks footprints wherever you go. you are a fond memory of the past, a hand they hold for the future, and so many things that matter or could ever matter for each day you live here on earth.

for rui, as someone who was taught to believe that he'll never find what he's looking for, that life will continue to be a futile search for solace and belonging, it's surreal! the fact that he just. has so much now. blows his mind. and that makes me really emotional. good people are out there, good people who understand you and want to see you smile :) and if it's not people, it's experiences, places, feelings, et cetera et cetera.

rui's character arc is such a beacon of hope for anyone who believes, or ever believed, that good things are/were just not in the cards for them. that good things only lie in what society expects of them, in the unattainable. his story is a reminder that there IS a future, that life isn't a tireless search for that One Thing, but more so a journey of learning to open your arms to accept the Many Things that may come your way.

i just think he's a little neat

[charmedreincarnation]

How am I supposed to deal with anti-shifters and people literally calling shifting a mental illness? I know it’s real, and it's baffling how some people want me to confine myself to a reality that doesn’t serve me. It’s like they can't comprehend that our realities can be fluid and personal. And don't even get me started on the pretentious, usually well-off, white shifter content creators who make videos about how perma-shifters are selfish. It's as if they can't see past their privilege and understand the deeper connections and meanings behind shifting. I sometimes wish I could permanently delete this account from existence because it's just so frustrating to navigate through all this negativity and misunderstanding. I know now I’m in a world filled with possibilities, and yet some choose to limit themselves and impose those limits on others. I can be happy one day, truly happy one day and jt makes me angry that it makes some people mad I believe I can wake up in a new world with wealth and money and a family that doesn’t abuse me and visit my favorite movies. Im not hurting anyone

Not trying to be mean because I get it and went through this as well, but some of you are addicted to arguing and stirring things up. Some people become complicit in their own suffering because you don’t have to consume that type of content! you can avoid it if you train your algorithm hard enough.

If there’s one thing you can learn from religious people, it’s their “I’ll pray for you” mentality. If someone doesn’t believe in God, they just say they’ll pray for you so you don’t got to hell or whatever

When you encounter anti-shifters, just hope that one day they open their minds and discover there's more to the world than meets the eye. If they never choose to do so, it doesn’t affect your journey. One thing YOU SHOULD NOT take from religious people is making shifting your entire identity. Yes, it’s part of who you are, but it's not everything. When you don’t believe in God, some religious people become upset because religion is their identity, not just a belief system. Shifting and the loa are similar in that way—if you’re secure in your journey, would you really care if others believe or not?

You can block them and move on, but I know that’s easier said than done. It makes you angry because you’ve made it your identity instead of just an inherent way of life. Everyone shifts, even anti-shifters, so whether they believe in it or not doesn’t matter.

They’re like flat-earthers to me—I just roll my eyes and move on. It shouldn’t take a toll on your inherent being or mental health. If it does, take a step back. Stop diving into communities you know will make you angry. You don’t have to drag ShiftTok drama to Tumblr or rant about them. Avoid reblogging blogs that share misinformation and arguing with them. You don’t have to share YouTubers who think perma-shifters are delusional or self-harming.

Really sit down and think: if you genuinely believe in shifting and believe you can do it, would you go around trying to prove it to those with no interest in it? Are you trying to convince them or yourself? Don’t tie shifting or anything spiritual to your worth or identity. It’s just your inherent being. Everyone is God in their own right, whether they recognize it or not. It’s not your job to force enlightenment on others. Focus on yourself, use the block button, and defend yourself when attacked without meaning but if there’s no progress in the conversation, still use that block button. Stop entering spaces you don’t agree with.

LOA vs ND, be states vs A and P—some of you guys genuinely just want to live out your high school clique fantasies on Tumblr. Stop arguing and do your own thing. Engage in the free will you have and stop turning spirituality into pretentious Reddit philosophy echo chambers of people who have lost sight of the teachings. This isn’t politics no one focused on their journey and life cares okay; no one cares. It’s should be very fun, engaging and simple—just remembering who you are. I know humans love labels and categorizing because we’re so diverse and versatile and three-dimensional, and sometimes that’s a lot so we want to find our “place” but your own label and true essence and limitless. take a deep breath, close your laptop, and remember you already know who you are.

I totally get that shifting has been life-changing for us, especially when so many of us have come from really challenging backgrounds. It can be incredibly disheartening to see someone tearing apart something that gives you hope. That’s why I find it frustrating when people casually say, "The only thing you have to lose is trying." Hope is a huge factor when you feel like you’ve got nothing else, and the belief that something can save you is incredibly powerful. You work tirelessly, holding onto hope despite facing the same difficulties that dragged you into a tough mental state and life situation in the first place—that's disheartening, and I’m not trying to downplay that at all.

But when you truly realize it’s going to happen, and when it finally does, you won’t even care about the naysayers. I’ve been there, looking back and realigning my thoughts, thinking about all those times others doubted everything. They argued and criticized, but in the end, their opinions won’t matter. It’s about that personal journey and the shift within yourself, the kind of change that makes all the worth it, because when you get past all that useless noise, it’s just you and the incredible things that you did that matter. This is your life so make the most of it.

[scattered-winter]

Give us the rant my liege

(tagging @vulpinesaint because they wanted to see this as well)

ok this is. gonna get long. and im not gonna be holding anything back. and as someone who suffers from chronic Too Nice disease i need to put that disclaimer beforehand with the additional disclaimer that these are all just my opinions that have been largely brought about by my own personal experiences so im not speaking for the entire community when i give this rant.

now with all that out of the way. let me welcome you to the land of aroace WRATH

the first thing i want to say is that most of the things I'm angry abt in fandom's general treatment/views of aro/ace people are actually extensions of the general societal views toward sex and romance as a whole. I'll go more in depth as we go but I'm choosing to focus more on the fandom side of things for now since it's a lot easier to be angry at something so trivial compared to the entire (western) society that's structured against people like me.

one of the biggest things I've seen a lot in fandom/creator spaces is the urge to give every character a romantic relationship that's more "powerful" or "deep" than platonic/familial relationships. this is of course an extension of amanormativity in society as a whole, because the belief that romance is the Goal (tm) is so deeply set into society that it's taken me years of introspection and research to come to terms and find joy in my aromanticism. but it's the concept of characters not being able to be happy, or find fulfillment, or being lonely for the rest of their lives because they don't have a romantic partner. and I wish I could say queers in fandom were generally more accepting of the idea of characters never finding (or even wanting) romance but that's so far from the case because often it's queer people who are pushing this idea of romance and marriage being the Goal.

and with all the above in mind, aro/ace representation is really hard to find. I can probably count the canon aro/ace characters in any media I've ever consumed on one hand (which ofc doesn't say much about the whole scope of aro/ace rep because that's just from what I've seen/read and there's probably more out there that I've never gotten to). and the thing that really upsets me in particular is how, even in the rare instances where we do get representation, fandom collectively ignores it to shove the character into romantic/sexual relationships in fanworks. like. y'all have literally every single character to ship around with and yet y'all also take the one win we have too. smh. and then my Personal Favorite thing (/s) is when someone points out the erasure, allos' go-to thing to say is "well, ace people can still have sex! aro people can still be in relationships!!" y'all are missing the point.

I also can't think of any media I've ever seen where it's unapologetically aro/ace ?? there are quite a few pieces of media that are explicitly, unapologetically queer that I hold sooo close to my chest, but there's nothing for aro/aces outside of like. children's shows. where the romance is minor enough that it can be ignored. and not to be dramatic but I would kill a man for a piece of adult aro/ace media that actually showed the joys and connections within the communities. even media with queer representation tends to lean into the "sex/romance is what makes us human" thing, which I can't even fault the creators for because that's what society as a whole--even queer society--says, too. and of course it's unfair to hold queer media to a higher standard than normal, and that's not what I'm trying to do. it's just. even when I'm watching/reading something meant for queer people, it's still not entirely for me, yknow?? and I think I can feel disappointed about that and also not hold queer media up to a ridiculous standard.

which brings me to more of the irl shit ig !! for all the anger against people saying that aros will be alone their whole lives, there's also some truth to that, but not in the way you'd initially think. I'm not lonely because I want a girlfriend and I'm sad because I don't. I'm lonely because my whole family is going to get married. all my siblings. all my friends. they're all going to find a romantic partner, and/or a marriage, and as "just" a friend, I'm suddenly not as important as their partner. there's this idea that marriages/romantic partnerships always have to come before hobbies, careers, friends, and anything else. and if someone prioritizes something else over romance, they're "selfish." there's also this idea that breakups can only happen if one side of the partnership did something wrong. that sometimes a relationship just isn't working, or they're just not compatible (and neither side is at fault for that.) and this idea of romance and marriage being The Most Important Thing Ever is what makes me lonelier than anything. because even as a kid in school, I lost friends because they got a boyfriend and girlfriend and suddenly that was more important than anything else. including me. and as more and more of my friends and siblings get married, it's only going to get worse because I'm not as important to them anymore. and that's something I'm gonna have to deal with, even though I love being aro and there's nothing I would rather be.

[compassionatereminders]

Hey, Kat! Sorry for the essay. I'm feeling very dumb and disillusioned after a friendship went poorly. We started chatting on here and talked frequently (like a lot a lot, way more than I usually can keep up correspondence with people), so we bonded super quickly. like, daily chats for a couple of months, unheard of for me outside of my best friend for 15+ years in the early years of our friendship. But I got overwhelmed with offline stuff for a couple of weeks and got flaky and ghosty with talking. They were hurt so they blocked me and I clearly owed them an apology, so I made it. We went back and forth a little and I explained (not for the first time) that I'm bad at responding and also explained that I need time to write serious messages because I am precise about word choice and need to sort my feelings out properly beforehand. I wanted to do better for them but I was honest about the fact that timely replies are something I've struggled to do with everyone in my life for most of my life, so it wasn't going to get better in a week or just a month. But I told them they aren't obligated to stay in a friendship like that and just wait for it to get better; I wanted to respect their social needs and I acknowledge that expecting timely communication is extremely valid and normal. I wasn't in the right! The stuff they were sending me was just... a lot to parse through, both emotionally and verbally, especially because there's so much offline shit happening for me right now and they brought up feelings I had no idea they had for me. But when I took longer than a day to respond, they told me I disgusted them and then ranted about all the horrible things they hope happen in my life from here on out. Basically tried to turn the most personal, hopeful things I'd expressed to them into, idk, barbs that I guess they thought would hurt me and make me feel like a monster of a person or hopeless. Luckily that type of shit just doesn't make me feel that way and the fact that they thought it would makes it clear to me that this person thought they knew me way better than they actually did. Now I worry that I'm too open to others. Vulnerability has been a saving grace for me psychologically and I am just... so, so open to talk about damn near anything. Not as an active practice, I just am! I think sometimes people misinterpret this as a deeper connection with me than it is, though. When people open up back on stuff that I'm already very comfortable being vulnerable about, it's possible it means more to them? But like, what does that mean? Do I share less of myself? I don't want to! Being open about life and hardship has directly improved my happiness!

I'm just lost. I feel very dumb because I almost met this person offline before this happened and now I'm wondering how safe they even would be to know in that capacity. I'm at a point in my life where I'm prioritizing finding and building a found family, something I'm fucking good at, but now I'm worried that like... I can't navigate the current social landscape? Like, I'm not equipped to? I just don't get what I could have done differently in introducing myself or expressing myself so they didn't end up with impossible expectations from me. I don't blame myself (AT ALL) for being lashed out against and the two of us already talked it out (I am no longer their friend), but this isn't the first time I've opened up with someone just for them to get weird and aggro like this over something disproportionate. We talked personal lives and beliefs and aspirations, yes, but I didn't tell this person anything I wouldn't also feel comfortable saying on a live or to a new friend--which is what they were. I feel misunderstood in a way that actually bothers me for the first time in so long and kinda feel like giving up.... but the extrovert in me is dying for a wide social group.

Your "friend" sounds really mean, manipulative and emotionally immature and I'm sorry you had to deal with that kind of behavior. But the solution isn't to stop being vulnerable. Maybe you gotta test people a little by disagreeing with them on something minor or establishing a boundary to test that they're decent beyond the initial charm before you open up completely, but keep trying to connect. There are still plenty of good people in this world!

[icouldntthinkofabetternamesook]

It Devours! Ramble

I should be going to be but instead have this rant about an amazing book

killing God but God is representation of your trauma, lies and repression and destroying it ultimately does nothing to solve the issue because ultimately the damage is coming from inside of and your own refusal to face how what happened still lurks in your life, and God was never really a god just a scared cornered animal acting out it’s own survival and it only has the status of a God because people are using it as a symbol to project their fears and hopes on, making it bigger and having it killed for their satisfaction

the world simply being as it is and people projecting different world views on it in their own feeble attempts at understanding and comfort

religion being primarily based in community and belief, fulfilling and yet also restricting. Science being primarily based in isolation and uncertainty, necessary for safety and yet eternally contaminated from its own ideals by human nurture. viewing reality from any angle ultimately guarantees bias and as such by witnessing and trying to understand the world we fundamentally misinterpret it and how at the end of the day the important thing is to be open to other perspectives and view points and to open yourself up to human connection even if it means being wrong, both in the technical sense and in the sense that you hurt someone even with the best intentions and those good intentions do not undermine the hurt

Nilanjana is amazing. I way over identify with her lonely girl who only needs work not friends routine

Carlos really hates local government and would be weirdly fine with seeing NighVale as a whole burn if it meant keeping the specific people he loves safe and that is very sexy of him

Loved Pamela. She’s just so much fun, well intended but terrible at communicating and that fits into the border themes of connection doesn’t it

the Joyous Congregation of the Smiling God really went off on the aesthetic. both the pamphlet and the slide show sermon where so fucking good, a perfect mix of creepy, spiritual and well intended. there just enough authentic about the ideology to make you understand why people would fall for it and actually believe in what they say with just enough so overtly wrong it’s unsettling

there was little hits of the old Strex here and there, but for the most part this had no continuity with years 2 or 3 and thats kinda fine because it manages to take the themes and aesthetics of what came before and weave it into something new and amazing. the dessert bluffs and Kevin timeline is totally broken but time is literally broken so...

I loved all the digressing and meanderings of the plot to focus on other set-random Nightvale characters rather than on the main plot and it really drives home the fact that Welcome to NightVale is about NightVale as a community rather than about any one protagonist or narrative. it makes that fact that you can pick up any piece of NighVale with no prior knowledge and jump right in work all the more because everyplace is just a small one in the grand mosaic that is NighVale where every person and every world view counts and this circles back around to what I was saying about community 

and you know what lets circle back around to what I said about Carlos being willing to let Nightvale burn for his family and the lack of continuity with year three and there’s really 2 main things to say, the first being the slightly bizarre retcon to make Carlos’ otherworld stay 10 miserable years instead of 1 where he’s “just staying, not trapped” and how I think we can all agree that Carlos’ “come move to the dessert otherworld with me and abandon all your friends and family became this otherworld is so great for research and my science work babe” and the fact that they never really felt with how Cecil was straight up suicidal and deeply depressed for the later half of the year and the lack of actual resolution to what was going through Carlos’ mind when he decided to come back with absolutely no shown issue or effort, and it is so much weirder for Carlos to try to talk Cecil into moving to a place where he is actually secretly miserable

and the second thing about that is that when Carlos comes back he refers to importance of NightVale as a community rather than a place and how Cecil needs to reconnect wth the people around him and focus “on the everyone” and how Carlos really did primarily come back for Cecil and to be with Cecil and how he says that NightVale is where everyone Cecil loves lives and Carlos really have a very small protective domain of people considered his own

Cecil literally be used as a stand in for the concept of love and connection and dependability itself with Nilanjana contemplating of wanting to find her Cecil and wanting to be Cecil for someone, the emphasis on the radio tower where Nil and Darryl's relationship gets physical for the first time. It is weird to read a piece of Nightvale that doesn’t have Cecil's perspective coloring every thing and never allowing me into his mind but its kinda cool because we instead just see him as a distant pillar of love, support and community and how those are ultimately the things the book believes is universal to science and religion and how concerning that then kinda makes Cecil’s statement that he would give up all of Nightvale for Carlos, even if he would much rather not, but also how good it is that Cecil is allowed to be selfish about something when he has had so much of life decided for him, being prophesied to be the voice of the community, being a tree who’s fruit is fed to the people, who’s truck is chopped down and used to make their shelter and how he nearly did almost once give up all of Nightvale for Carlos by going the the Otherworld with him

It was great seeing Abby even if only for a second

An entire book in the Nightvale style of deeply unsettling and profound and funny is a wonderful idea, with human nature so beautifully captured with in the pages and prose

the appearance of happiness being valued above the actual emotion. teeth as a fragmented symbol, being a part of something natural being a small segment of a symbol of joy and goodness and of course that piecemeal symbol being divorced from context and being made so creepy in that isolation, teeth both as a part of smiling and a part of biting, piece in isolation that could be either joy or devouring

always love me good cult

always love killing God and the horrible thing it makes of us

always love the conflict between understanding and belief

by the way, and I think this is a good thing, Never thought that any of the devoured people where dead. it would fuck with status quo to hard if Larry or Rico where gone. made it more a mystery of how they where going to comeback than an actual threat and thats a good thing

and you know how Cecil never actually talks about Homophobia or racism or any kind of discrimination is his show? and then we step outside of his heavily edited, censored perspective and it turns out theirs still antisemitism and racism and sexism and stuff like that in Nightvale? I think it makes me appreciate Cecil more to know that his pride in his identity and his dedication to showing a mostly egalitarian world, is intact a dedicated choice that he makes about his own identity and not just a passive aspect of his environment. Cecil overall came across as a lot more put together and reliable from other perspectives than his own. I would not have expected Cecil to be able to cook or be an emotional pillar right after his nice almost died. I think he might just have really low opinion of himself and it comes through in the show.

It can be really hard to tell the difference between Cecil being dumb because he’s putting on a show for the audience and trying to get around censorship Cecil being dumb die to reeducation side affects and timeline shenanigans, and Cecil being dumb because he just is. theres so many layers of truth and deception

religion being about the community, belief and interpretation of it all even when the facts are horrible

My god Carlos would have killed so many people and 1000% believed that it was City Council hating him enough to cut off their nose to spite their face and never once stopping to question his remarkably biased assumption. He really took the conflation of hero and scientist hard and is complete willing to force the issue with his own self rightness. Baby Girl you are so deranged!!! and he’s completely head over heels for Cecil. nice to know it goes both ways

I would like to get some more Darryl and Nil feels but its 11:54 and I have work tomorrow

also catch me think that Luisa is ‘like that’ as a result of being re-educated a bit to hard after having a mental break down from watching one of her co-workers die from Strex. two scientists went missing that day and we still don’t know what happened. and least one could have died

Nils absolutely came to town later and not with the rest of the research group

Carlos really killed God with gasoline and a flare gun when It was helpless and pinned. Darryl really looses faith in God when that faith is corroborated by fact and the truth can never be as real as the fantasy. Nil and Darryl really don’t work as a couple blue they just don’t have comparable word views and Darryl winds up wth the childhood best friend he shares a life and community with. Nil hooking up with Kareem would create perfect symmetry of scientist and radio host, so they clearly won’t work because it not their story its just one their would parallel, but her trying for a Cecil stand in works thematically due to all that Cecil represents within this story and Kareem is closer to Nils world view as a acts as the rational outsider to Cecil’s world view in the podcast

Hey, hey. invisible food and how you may or may not be eating anything, about how devouring is about becoming full, finding nutrients and fulling your body and taking care of yourself. you are flesh and you take in solid sunshine to be able to move and live and choosing to take the risk of starving yourself, of putting nothing in your body when it needs something, hearing your stomach growling and contracting around imaginary food who’s taste you made up, because it would ruin the fun to find out if you were actually taking care of yourself. Jon Peters constantly insisting that he is a farmer because he is unsure if he actually is a farmer, how he lives in fear and shame that his identity, the identity passed down from his father, built with the brother he lost to a distant war, is actually a lie, that he failed at what he was supposed to do because of the facts of his environment and how he decided to make up a story, spin a fantasy rather than admit the truth. how Nightvale eats empty air and no one is willing to admit the truth of their hunger because nightvale is a town of lies, secrets and stories

contrasting that with the flesh and weight of the smiling god. how for all its lofty thoughts and belief at the end of the day its just blood and crunching teeth. what seems like a lie, a fantasy, a story is really just plain naked truth, the blood and sweat and bile that we are, how we are just lumps of grey matter draped in bone and at the end of the day we die and that Charlie Bair who wanted his ghost license so he could continue on after death, Charlie Bair who will one day pay 10000$ to have his brain scooped out and turned into a cyborg slave of the smiling god, how bodies are just parts, how his fear of death turned to eternal pain. the smiling god devours. you are food. you will die

a science that chooses lies and fantasy and a religion that chooses facts and flesh

there is no one with out the other

Kevin and Darryl and Kasper and church being a business that can’t feel like a business to all but those in charge. a cybernetics company and a church that looks like a cheap office building

community being death, love being clear so all you see is the real, practical things on the other side of it, love being what is, love being the act of going about your life, the fox eats itself, the fox kills its pack, you kill the fox, skin it and wear its face over your own, what could be fire or trees with what could be chemicals or water, what would harm one or save the other but you don’t know if friendship is toxic, destructive, mutualistic or beneficial, the many faces of a relationship 

Nils throwing up in church, in that yellow costume that hides all of what she is, that makes her just one in a crowd, you go to church hungry but she ate her fill and this becomes her salvation because it allows her to escape the pull and get away from the locked room of cultists she’s pretending to be a part of

starving and feasting. devouring and imagining

this wound up being more about the visceral then the communal

stand by for something more coherent, there is to much to say about this book

tldr; understanding of the world is fundamentally flawed due to human subjectivity so its only by opening ourselves to other world views can we find understanding

[mxshpitbaby]

tl;dr about my blog and me!

welcome to my blog:) this is basically my space for everything, so I will repost things I love, and also vent/rant here. kinda unorganized rn, oh well

disclaimer: I have mental health issues (most significantly bpd and anxiety) and I am actively learning how to live and cope with my feelings. One of my ways of coping is writing and blogging, I think finding connection is good for me because in the past I have felt so isolated and thought that no one else knew what I felt, but obviously that isn't true. Healing isn't linear, so that means I will have my bad days and bad feelings, and I'll use this blog to get shit off my chest and feel less alone. However, my account isn't just going to be a hub of negativity and bad feelings, I am also going to post positivity, just my thoughts that come to mind yk, im using this to help express my thoughts/feelings. I'm going to try to organize different posts with hastags, #myblogiventhere will be used for hard feelings, and once i come up with a good enough tag for my other posts I'll edit this and put it in!

get to know me: I consider myself to have the greatest taste in music. I love all metal, especially hardcore, and I have a soft-spot for nu-metal. Of course I love punk and post-punk as well. Fun fact: my license plate was G0THGRL. I love midwest emo and a few emo bands/songs. Local shows and supporting local music is what makes me the happiest in life. I have been learning to play bass and aspire to be in a band eventually

I love all animals, but I'm a crazy cat lady.

gifted kid burnout:) I was mainly gifted in english/reading (fuck math). I used to want to be an author, I won multiple essay contests as a kid. I loved doing speech and debate (& was amazing at it too) basically college drop out too, i had a full scholarship to community college but life fucked that up for me in the middle of my 1st semester.

I have extremely strong leftist, ancom, political beliefs. I used to get into so many arguments and debates for fun that now I'm burnt out of politics and stay more quiet. late stage capitalism is suffocating me.

Random list of (some) of my favorite things: concerts, nature, w33d, halloween, autumn, literature, love, learning, philosophy, poetry, my childhood build-a-bears, sad acoustic songs, baggy, comfy band tees, bass guitar, joey jordison, skateboarding, littlest pet shop, superbad, half-baked, rob zombie's movies, teotfw, photography, art (all mediums, sculpture is my personal favorite!), youtube

Random of list of things I despise (there's too many to list all, i am a hater): having celiac disease, royal blue (such an ugly color), out-of-touch rich people, nazis, ignorance, my anxiety, capitalism, tik tok and what it has done to society (i hate it so much, no account for me), doctors and medical related things, declawing cats, c0ps (1312)

[flowers-for-hobi]

I've had the worst nightmare i had in a while. Very long rant

Trigger warning emotional/physical abuse

In the dream I'm trying to convince my family to stop going down this path of delusion flat earth and other religious hotep stuff connected to us being black people and having Jewish ancestry (I'll save the stupid details)

(which is happening in real life and has been a slow progression into madness for years now) my sister just told me about the flat earth stuff that just got added into the mix recently which just sent me over the edge emotionally. And I guess I've been grappling with that not really knowing it. And also I started listening to a therapy podcast called second hand therapy which has been making me think. Which is a good thing in the grand scheme of things. But i also haven't seen my therapist in a couple months due to the debt I've been trying to pay off with her and just the nature of how my therapy relationship has evolved I don't need go see her every week. I've just been doing every couple months and doing ok with that.

The past couple months I've just been trying to cope and kinda push everything to the side with my work routine. But they podcast just opened a can of worms I wasn't trying to feel. Ouchy!!

In the dream I'm begging trying to tell my mom to stop this saying all the things that have been in my heart for years since a falling out happened 2/3 years ago. It's not working. after I while I remember crying in the dream walking away from my mother saying I'm so sorry I forgot you're like a dog loyal to my father and you would let him hurt me.

I go out from the room and my dad's asking what's going on. I tell him what I feel and start questioning his beliefs and proving his delusions wrong. Everytime he paused or has a shook on his facing trying to prove me wrong I yell *buzzer sound* wrong answer and explain why he's wrong. After the third time he charges at me cornering me trying to choke me (which he did to my sister during the Big falling out in real life)

I'm saying is it worth it hurting your family and please stop and then I Wake up.

It shook me so much I couldn't cry for a while. I ended up googling how to deal with nightmares. And kinda checking in with myself remembering what my therapist explained to me about anxiety and where I feel it in my body (which i usually feel it in my neck like choking)

For some reason while I was reading the article the quote from the article

"Our bodies are much more resilient than we think, so trust yourself that you’re going to be okay even if you didn’t sleep well last night"

After reading that I just start bawling. Just allowing myself to feel everything the fear the sadness.

My dreams/nightmares most of the time are very cathartic and try to tell me something. And I've had dreams/nightmares similar to this but it's been a long time i forgot how much they shake me. I think it"s reality setting in that I don't think me and my dad's relationship is salvageable cause he's not willing to listen to me or apologize to me (something he's been able to do with my sister) since the Big falling out) cause I know I won't ever bring it up. I'm tired of always being the one to try and fix it and have the big convos. So I'm leaving it up to him. And he keeps insisting my sister tell him how I feel about him and my sister like the freaking boss she is tells him that's between (me) and him. But i know he'll never ask me cause I already told him years ago how I feel. And I've been finally able to go over to their house and have moments of family again hug my dad and hang out again. But i also don't trust them anymore and I know it won't be the same. Cause without true communication there can't be any peace. And I won't be the one to reach out and have that conversation and i know my father won't so i just pretend like everything is ok just like he wants. But i know he feels the distance and it not being the same I lowkey enjoy knowing he's internally wiggling with that feeling. I'm just doing what we've always done in that house. Not talking about it just like he wants it.

[grimmwolf]

👋🌎👋🌎👋🌎👋🌎👋🌎👋🌎👋🌎👋🌎👋🌎

Dumping / Journaling / Ranting / Updates / Venting - Basically the whole lot XD ( May be updated )

Idk what to post anymore. I haven’t had any shifts cuz I’m an animal or whatever basically every single second of my life, or I’m depressed and I can’t express my animality how I want to, or I can’t tell the difference between any of them because I identify as all animals and whatever else, I can’t or have become tired of trying to pinpoint and label all of them. All I do is lay down most of the day because my back aches so bad that I can’t even sit normally, so I am unable to express myself physically even less nowadays. I’ve been so depressed as well that I don’t talk much anymore nowadays, I’ve lost the ability to socialize, I don’t know how to connect with anyone anymore, or I feel like I can’t because I feel so different from literally everyone and no one can truly understand me, even if I try to explain things, even if someone tells me they understand. I know they don’t. I feel so alone, like no one likes me, especially since I’m so strict with my dni rules. There’s little to no one left who I follow ( alterhumans ) because of it, which makes me feel even more alone, but at least I’m placing and keeping my boundaries, that’s gotta count for something, right? And me identifying as Gaia or Mother Nature or whatever doesn’t make my situation any better. What normal alterhuman identities as an actual god? The creator of all life? I don’t even know if anyone believes me, so it makes me keep to myself about it. I do believe it though, I feel it, isn’t that proof enough? I feel the pain of the Earth, the Universe, how can I prove that? By continuing to be depressed? I guess that’s doable. I’m sorry to all I’ve not spoken to in a while. I guess I’m isolating myself for my own comfort, and because I’ve been so depressed lately. It’s nothing personal, I swear. I want to reconnect, I just don’t know how, or if I can keep it up. I don’t like texting anymore, I want an in person connection. I’ve lost all my irl friends, I’ve been friendless for a few months now. It’s not good for me, to say the least.

And I’m too shy, bashful, introverted, antisocial, socially anxious, awkward, depressed, afraid, afraid of rejection and finding someone who’s not good for me and then have to start all over again. I don’t know how to human anymore, I even had a normal childhood. How can I be so bad at this? How can I be so different from literally everyone else? I can’t even be a normal alterhuman, I’m a freak even in this community. Everyone else has one or a few, or even a whole clade of theriotypes. I don’t even call them theriotypes. I see myself as all animals and see them as my children, which is a bit controversial, I would think, seeing as though therians see themselves as animals. Basically calling everyone my children would just be weird, or unbelievable, right? Well, I don’t consider therians to be my children, for the record, but that’s the interpretation that others would get from this identity of mine, I would think. I wanted to be one of those alterhumans who posts everyday or often enough that no one thinks I’ve left the community, but I pretty much have. I wanted to write essays, and journals, and updates about me and my identities. But I just can’t get myself to believe that anyone even believes or cares the slightest bit about any of that. Or I’m too depressed and tired to write anything anymore. I feel like I’m more of a prick or a black sheep in this community because of my beliefs and identities and morals and such. What am I even supposed to say anymore? How do I explain myself to others? I’m terrible at explaining things. Even if I tried, still no one would fully understand.

I’ll try to explain something right now, I guess. When it comes to how I see myself, I feel like I’m everything, and everyone. Yet, nothing and no one at the same time. Yet, not at the same time, yet, all at once, and neither, and both, and… I can’t even understand it myself. I feel like I am infinite, yet, finite. I am life, I am death. Light, dark. Good, bad. Pure, evil. Love, hate. At peace, angry. Calm, anxious. Beautiful, ugly. Happy, sad. Left, right. Ocean, land. Water, air. Fire, ice. Stone, snow. Nature, humanity. All animals, no animals. All humans, no humans. Man, woman. Both, neither. All life, no life. All death, no death. Eternity, not eternity. Eternal, non-eternal. All time, no time. Existence, non-existence. Existing, not existing. Real, unreal. God, not god. Goddess, not goddess. Supernatural, natural. Mystical, non-mystical. Mythical, non-mythical. Mythological, non-mythological. Divine, infernal. Celestial, cosmical. I am all opposites, and similarities, and everything in between, and everything surrounding. Yet, neither opposites, nor similarities, nor anything in between, nor everything surrounding. At the same time, yet not at the same time. It feels like all a blur in my head, a fog, a cloud. Yet, clear. It feels like wires tangled and knotted in my mind. Yet, untangled and unknotted. It feels like my mind is just a cave, and the only hole of an exit is blocked off by one singular ginormous boulder, and a man is trying to get free by going at the rock with a chainsaw, never making any progress. Yet, the cave is empty, and the way is open, boulder pushed to the side, or never existed in the first place. It is all so confusing and complicated and complex. Yet so simple, and easy, and basic. This is how I can explain what I feel every single second of my existence. I don’t l know how to live like this, with myself. I don’t know how I feel like this, or why. Sometimes I feel like I’m God and sometimes I feel like he’s me. Why do I feel like this, like it’s true? Is it true? Am I delusional? Probably both. Probably neither.

I am me, yet I am you, yet I am everyone, yet I am everything, yet I am no one, yet I am nothing. I am, and I’m not. The only other way I can explain this is with these three dots lol.

…

👋🌎👋🌎👋🌎👋🌎👋🌎👋🌎👋🌎👋🌎👋🌎

[khayalli]

Hello sweetheart!!! I hope you don’t mind me dropping in, let me know if you do and I’ll abscond this reply into the sea. But I’ve been thinking about this all day, and as someone who deeply struggles with imposter syndrome. (there’s a mean voice rattling in my brain at any given point in the day kind of struggling). I wanted to say my two cents!

Tldr; Art is free, this isn’t content you’ve paid for shut up,Creators are cool, you can’t fail at art so long as you keep trying and anyone who thinks that FREE STUFF isn’t good enough for them are entitled bastards who I will use as firewood <3

You have not failed as an artist!!! I’m of the belief that you actually can’t fail at art. As long as you keep trying. And even if you stop, the option to pick up the pen never goes away. It’s there for as long as you’re there too, “failure” isn’t set in stone.

Art, like every other skill, is something that you can learn. Some days it’ll come really easily, and other days you wonder if maybe you do have the fine motor skills of a 6 year old that just discovered a pencil. It kinda wobbles all over the place. Or, at least it does for me.

Unless they’re paying you, they have no voice in where your art stands on the good to bad scale, lmao. Art isn’t a singular thing, art is creation. And oh my god how cool is it that there are so many things you can create? WITH YOUR HANDS??? Even better, how cool is it that 10 different people could draw the same thing and each one would be unique because we all have different styles/takes/thought processes??

I want to reiterate: Art isn’t a singular thing. It doesn’t HAVE to invoke emotion. There’s nothing to fix, so long as it’s something you enjoy doing. People connect to different things, and that’s okay! You’ll be miserable if you try and make everyone happy, because you never will. So fuck em!! Make stuff for you, I promise people who love it will find it. Build your community with them. I draw to make like, 7 people loose their minds, everyone else I count as a solid bonus.

We’re here for fun. We’re here because we’ve connected with something so deeply that we wanted to creates something! And we share it with others who also love that thing. I know validation is kind of euphoric to feel, especially when it’s from people who you look up to. But it’s such a cruel cycle to put yourself through, and Its going to hurt more than it’ll build you up.

You clearly have people on here that love you, I see it in the asks you receive and through the interactions I get the privilege to see on my dash. You’re loved! Don’t let some faceless voice ever take that away from you.

Sorry to go on a bit of a rant. But I see other people talk themselves down so much, and I also do it a lot as well. Where I’ll devalue my own stuff for the sake of?????? I don’t even know what. We’re creating things, with our hands!!! and our brains?!!??!???????? like HUUUHHHHHH????????????

You simply could not look me in the eye and tell me that’s lame, I will deck you and then set your house on fire. ANYWAY respect fan artists and fanfic writers, we’re doing this for free and it’s all quality so you can go touch grass if you think something someone made for FREE isn’t good enough for you.

Maybe it’s not for you! That’s fine! That's the beauty of the internet, you can escort yourself out.

I feel like I've failed as an artist.

[thetravelingmaster]

Anonymity - Shield or Weapon?

The most common thing among us in this community is Anonymity. We all use it to some degree when indulging our Kinks. Our first and foremost reason to do it is, of course, to keep us safe as we explore this strange and for some, embarrassing kinky world of non conventional arousal. The internet is a heaven for everyone to learn and explore ANYTHING their hearts may find desirable.

Are identities aren't needed to indulge and discover new things about ourselves. You can call yourself Jack, Jill, Fran or Hornybabyslut. It doesn't matter. It helps create a sense of security that enables you to dive into what ever kink you feel you can't indulge in your every day life.

And even if you can indulge IRL and are fully accepted as the kinkster that you are, Anonymity affords you a a free shield for you to protect your wonderful life from the dark and ill intentioned predators constantly surfing the World Wide Web for prey.

Anonymity isn't bad at all. It's recommended.

Exploring and enjoying our different kinks can lead you to wonderful and emotional places. Places you may not go if you couldn't be someone else.

Anonymity is a perfect and accepted shield we all carry.

But it doesn't mean you can't be yourself. It doesn't mean you can't be honest and true with yourself and the people you engage with.

You can call yourself Gina64 and be a full on kinky bimbo slut that talks and acts so dumb and dirty that the people you engage with online think you are nothing more. If that is your way to explore and escape, there is nothing wrong with that. You can become anyone you wish once you fire up your phone or your computer.

That is the beauty of this wonderful and dark internet.

When all is said and done, Gina64 is just a persona you try on. She may or may not have the same beliefs as you promote in your every day life. That's perfectly fine.

Anonymity offers that possibility. That safety...

However...

Anonymity can also be a weapon.

That same safety can protect the bad people that are looking to take advantage of others.

Just like a sword, it can be used to defend and protect as well as divide and conquer. It all depends on who wields it and what they choose to do with the sword in their hands.

My point is very simple: Anonymity doesn't half to mean that you can be 100% yourself.

For the purpose of this post, I'm going to exclude the people that come here to become someone else. It can be a very therapeutic and I definitely not saying that being a completely different person online is wrong in anyway.

Well not in itself...

And that's what I mean. You can play at being fun and fluffy or dark and brooding, what ever fills your cup of tea. As long as you are being honest with yourself about why you are doing it.

The problem I have tonight as I write these lines is when the kink in question involves hypnosis. Not fun roleplaying, but REAL hypnosis and subsequent play.

You have to be very honest and open to engage in that sort of kink and Anonymity can offer you that safe space to indulge from.

BUT ANONYMITY DOESN'T MEAN YOU ARE BEING DISHONEST.

Being dishonest has nothing to do with anonymity and here is an example of what I mean. Say Our Gina64 is into hypnosis. Say she searches out potential erotic hypnotists online to explore and indulge that itch. She can call herself Gina64 and be a dude. It doesn't really matter as long as you are being honest and about the level of things you wish to reveal to the hypnotist.

If you are being honest with yourself and the person you are engaging with, no harm no foul.

But say that Gina64 doesn't want to reveal that he is in fact a guy. It could be fine if the hypnotist doesn't care. But what if the reason you are engaging in hypnosis is to experience erotic hypnosis? And that Gina64 leads the hypnotist on being saying again and again that they are a girl. For all of us, erotic hypnosis in our Kink community is arousing and erotic for both parties. So a hypnotist that decides to engage and offer erotic hypnosis to Gina64 while under the impression that he is a she when in fact they are a HE...

Well... That can create confusing and even dangerous things down the road. If the connection develops and more and more the hypnotist is made to believe in this falsehood, then it creates an invisible rift between them. A very dishonest rift...

A rift that can actually hurt... Especially if the hypnosis kink also includes flavours of Domination and submission. We all know and understand that D/s play can stir up incredibly powerful emotions. As the lies pile on to covert up more lies, the cycle becomes deeper and darker with every dishonest reply.

Until Gina64 finds himself in a position where the lies have boxed him in and he has to bail out instead of admitting to everything he led the hypnotist to believe and experience.

And I'm not even going to talk about people who create elaborate and complex fake personas to actively catfish people...

I'm not saying that all people who indulge in hypnokink and D/s play should always reveal everything about themselves, far from it.

What I'm saying is that you just have to be HONEST as to what type of person you are and what you want to experience. Our community can be very open minded. It's the very nature of our kink.

And anonymity provides the perfect way to be 100% true to yourself without fear or worries.

To properly demonstrate how one can be completely anonymous and still be incredibly honest, I'm going to talk about friend @qu1etsleep.

Theo is an incredible human being and hypnotist that is, like me, adamant about keeping his online life separate from his offline life. He doesn't shy away from telling anyone who contacts him that Theo isn't his real name and that there is no respectful way in hell that you'll ever get a glimpse or a clue as to who he really is.

His Anonymity is a shield meant to keep the lines clear between his hobby and his life. We all do that in some form or another.

I might not know Theo's true name and identity, but I do know that if I were to ever sit in a cafe somewhere and end up chatting with the man behind the blog, then those 2 persons would be identical.

I'd have the same exact conversations and learn about all the exact same opinions Theo and the man in front of me share.

Because even though his name has changed, he will still be the same person. he just changed out his name tag. Nothing else changed.

Theo is authentic with himself and with everyone that takes the time to talk with him. His Anonymity doesn't affect or change that at all. It just offers him the same safety we all crave.

This authenticity is what makes him, in my humble opinion, a terrific and accomplished 'amateur' hypnotist. Make no mistake, he is no rookie and he WILL drop you if the rapport is there. Authentic and Anonymous...

That is what this community needs above all else.

Some of you MIGHT just understand why I'm ranting about all this tonight, and you would be right. I've felt the sting of this double edged sword and it took others to help me see just how far down the fake rabbit hole I had been led into.

But now I'm out, dusting off the creepiness of the experience and moving on.

So by all means, soak yourselves in Anonymity until people in our kink community aren't even sure who you are...

But BE HONEST. And if you do, I think you'll find even more incredible people and exquisite experiences to be had. You'd be surprised how much someone can accept and understand.

As a point of fact, if the person you are trying to let into your mind isn't opened minded enough to accept your own authenticity, then perhaps you should seriously rethink the fact that you are giving them the keys to your mental palace.

There is no gain from being dishonest and stringing people along.

Unless that is the pleasure you are seeking here... If that is the case, then maybe you should start understanding that you are no better than a full blown predator.

And that is something our community needs the least of all.

We are all searching and indulging ourselves in our forbidden and delicious kinks, there is nothing wrong with that.

Enjoy your safe and secure anonymity, but do it responsibly and above all, do it while being honest with yourself and others.

[w00wzerz]

~ Titans Reunited ~ 💫

(All that matters in Titans S3 ep 13 finale)

🚨Beware! Rant + Analysis below!🚨

This final episode was a ride that I’m glad I could hop off of until season 4. In all honesty I felt that there were so many missing pieces that I’d hoped would somehow come together in the end, but clearly the show runners had a different idea. Now to be fair there were some highlights that moved me to the core, so without any delay, lets get to it!

For starters, when we are presented the display of Rachel and Gar genuinely happy to meet up with Donna, the entire room could hear my little sobs. However, this trope is one in particular that I believe the writers have battled with. 

The characters should be allowed to express their emotionality, in fact their vulnerability allows for the audience to build a stronger connection to them, thus increasing their popularity amongst the fandom. Yet, we got to see little to no real reuniting with the team because of the non chronological scene cuts. But I digress…

Moving on to Kory being fed up with the constant disrespect from the team. Now although I loved her out pour of emotions, this scene was not only completely unnecessary, but I saw absolutely no use for it non whatsoever. Now let me explain why:

Sure, Conner destroyed Kom’s ship which was her only way back home to Tamaran, but why is she so chill about it? Why was Kory more upset about Conner’s selfishness then Kom, who according to common belief was SUPPOSED to be the villain this season? And let’s not forget that even after all of this they were still able to rebuild the ship a few minutes later… So what was the point again???

——————————————————————————

Speaking of disrespect, I have to discuss Dick’s blatant disrespect for Kory AGAIN in the scene below. This is another problem with the writing room seeing that there are barely any consistencies within the story! Even after he saw his child with this woman in last weeks episode, why is he now so comfortably hollering at her? Many argue that it was probably the stress that factored in to his behavior, but I call BS.

S1 Kory would have wasted absolutely no time putting him in his place and telling him off. This is the issue that I have with the unnecessary reconstruction of Kory’s character and storyline. Just look at the blue bolts. I can’t even fathom. The SFX was pretty cool though.

Then we have same old Dick being selfish and proving yet AGAIN that he is not fit to lead the Titans. I also have a bone to pick with this scene as well seeing that - Gar’s reaction to Jason had to be the most underwhelming one yet. It makes no sense, Gar went out on a manhunt for Jason, he knew that the murderous Redhood was not the person he wanted to be and still… chileeee let me move along.

I also understand that Tim is eager to become the next Robin, but why would Dick endanger his life by bringing him along on a mission with the knowledge that he has little to no experience in combat?

Then there’s another scene cut and Bruce is back in Gotham, to meet up with Dick and Jason and talk about who knows what. The only thing that I took away from this was that there will be no-more Red hood for now. This is a bittersweet feeling, but it had to be done… For the greater good. 🥴

Let’s talk about Dick’s community penis. He is in the business of wanting his cake to eat it too because why would he ask Barbara to accompany him back to San Fran with the team? AS IF HE DIDN’T JUST PICTURE HIS DAUGHTER WITH KORY?!?! I was ready to fight multiple people after this.

And alas we have finally reached the heartwarming portion of the episode, I was so happy to see domestic Dick Grayson back on my screen. This was literally all we have asked for from the beginning!

I definitely enjoyed the farewell hugs between Kory and Donna, it was so refreshing to see those two back together. I will not mention the wasted potential that was Conner and especially Kom.

I also have so many questions… Why did Donna return, setting the stage to become the new leader of Titans, only to leave right after reuniting with the team? And how is Tim going to be Robin without Batman? Why is Kom NICE! Um… And they just are not going to address Dick’s outburst earlier, ok.

But anyways, peep his hungry eyes for his future wife 🧐 she deserves better.

In all, the finale did not provide as much closure as I had hoped, I would’ve loved to see more family interactions between all of them, but thats exactly what season 4 is for! I am hopeful that Kory’s story will be properly developed and considering that the writers room are constantly on Twitter reading through the drags, I’d say they will be taking notes.

It’s been fun, see you all next season! 💜✨

[chevalierlagarce]

not done ranting about evangelical christianity so let’s go for other small rants so maybe I'll be able to make my brain shut up tonight --> 

1. Blind faith is dumb and dangerous. Pushing the ideas that the ability to self reflect/to define/to conceptualize/ to criticize are all things that were made by the devil in an attempt to weaken your faith just tell me that you need to work on your religious beliefs a little more. Many religion pushes a more intellectual approach to faith and religious text and they still have followers... if you need your followers to trust you blindly and to never question what you’re saying there’s a problem...

2. The concept of the Devil and demons is just not something I can get myself to believe in. Even when it isn’t being used as a scapegoats I don’t believe that there’s a little guy out there out to get you... Like bad stuffs just happen sometimes doesn’t mean Satan is behind it.

3. Fundamentalism is dangerous in every religion not just Islam...

4. There’s many way to connect to the Divine and prayer is only one of them. If it isn’t the one that work the best for you, you should find other ways to

5. Atheism deserve so much better... like those atheists that never took the time to deconstruct evangelical christianity are so annoying. It’s fine not to believe in God but disrespecting people for doing so by telling them that they are dumb just tell me that you’re working with the same framework as evangelicals that you always claim to dislike.

6. The way we define religion should be changed. I know that it is virtually impossible to have a definition that include every religions but I think that we should try to have one that is a bit more open (I know that many people are doing just that but like but like whatever)

7. The rapture is an excuse to never try to actually help as every humanitarian crisis and natural disasters just bring us closer to it. It allows you to just sit and stand by as you believe that the end is near. 

8. There’s no way to believe in the anti-christ without being antisemitic 

9. Letting go of the idea of the original sin is so liberating and does wonder for your self-esteem.

10. A lot of christians seem to have forgotten that at first the belief of who was supposed to get into hell or heaven had nothing to do with whether or not hey believed in Jesus but everything to do with the way one acted and if they were a good person or not.

11. There’s many argument that can be made about the idea that hell (as in eternal torture and punishment) doesn’t exist (in the christian cannon I’m not sure for other religions such as Islam)

12. I see religion as a way to understand the world, connect to other people and a guide on how to act. But that doesn’t mean that it is necessary to have a religion to be able to understand the world. There’s many approaches to that and as long as you’re trying your best to be a good person then you’re doing what really matters.

13. Being antisemitic in the name of freeing Palestine isn’t doing any good to Palestinians and is pretty much useless. If you’re totally against the idea of a Jewish state there then maybe the best thing to do would be to fight antisemitism in your community to make it a safer place for Jews. (idk why I put it in this rant but who cares)

14. Perpetuating the idea of a good N.T God and a bad O.T God is antisemitic and a lot of so called “progressive” christians seems to do it... 

15. Christians obsessions with the Hebrew language is weird like stop trying to deform it to justify your weird theories...

16. There’s no such things as a Torah observant christians leave jewish text alone 

17. Messianics jews are not a thing you’re just evangelical christians who appropriate jewish traditions...

18. There’s not one universal truth is an idea I always will defend 

19. Sometimes I low-key wished I had been jewish and I know I can always convert but the amount of deconstruction I still have to do is immense... plus im still weirdly scared that I'll end up a somewhat progressive christians and I don’t want to waste a Rabbi’s time (plus I'm a black “woman” who is also queer so I already have enough on my plate)

20. Religion trauma expresses itself in the weirdest way possible and I always forget that I kinda suffer from it until it becomes to unbearable to ignore lol

[ordulotusspa]

The Thing About Myths — A Rant

This is a very complex topic. It is a topic I personally hate, and a topic that represents a barrier in the community. It is irritating, but it is necessary we address it. 

Myths are interesting sources of inspiration. They are interesting types of literature and they are impactful in each culture, a big part of what makes a culture what it is. Myths come in many ways; they are narratives that can express any truth, idea, or value a certain society holds. And sometimes they tell us a great deal about the idiosyncrasy of a people, which is incredibly useful for historians and sociologists. Myths can also be fun, but sometimes they can become... a tedious topic. In a religious level, I have noticed, myths can be come a hindrance between the devotee and the divine. 

In our path, myths are an important part of the history of our practices. Sometimes myths tells us about the way ancestors related to divinity, and the type of relationship they had. However, I must draw a line between myth as a form of exposition, and myth as a form of “truth”, to put it in some way. 

Let me be more direct: people fear the Gods because of their myths. They resent the Gods because of their myths. They adore the Gods because of their myths. Or they outright disrespect the Gods, and their devotees, because of their myths. 

A thing must be established very clearly right now: myths are not truth. Paganism is not known for being part of a tradition of “revelation”. The stories and the narratives we tell about our Gods, are ours. They’re not theirs. Anyone can write or rewrite a myth, and that doesn’t mean the thing they’re telling is a revelation from the Muses or a truth about the Gods. Mostly myths come from oral traditions, and they are deeply ingrained within the cultures that birth them; they change and evolve, they get adapted, their meaning and significance often changes as well. Myths are more cultural phenomena than religious revelation. 

Let me put it another way. In our western cultural background, dominated by religions of revelation (the abrahamic tradition), we are accustomed to seeing people belonging to these religions argue about their beliefs in reference to their myths, or their books of revelations. We often see them quoting them, and retelling the stories told there with passion, taking them as guidelines in their relationship to the divine. This is completely fine for them because that’s part of their tradition; that’s their method, and it serves a purpose in their spiritual path. However, this does not happen in paganism. 

Pagan religions do not have a book of revelations. In antiquity, the people who believed to hold absolute knowledge of the divine and preached it based on myths were mostly considered charlatans, or not taken very seriously. This is because in antiquity philosophy had the dominance over religious studies, and the philosophies available at the time considered myths to hold hidden meanings about the nature of the Gods. For example, Plotinus argued that one must not take myths in a literal way, but read them carefully and think about them metaphorically so that one could unlock the full meaning of their symbols, which often led towards a kind of platonic conclusion. Sallustius (a philosopher from the tradition of Julian, allegedly Julian himself) talks of myths as being important to our relationship with the Gods, but he doesn’t talk about that as myths being revelations, or prompting us to take everything a myth says as truth about the Gods. Sallustius was very well aware of the bad reputation myths give the Gods. They are rapists, thieves, cheaters, liars, and they often act cruelly and violently. However, because we worship the Gods, and that means being devoted to them, and that requires some level of loyalty and disposition towards them, then we must interpret these conflicting stories as more meaningful than just superficially immoral. Thus, the conflicting actions of the Gods in myths have been regarded as symbols of deeper ideas even before Plato, and even by the Stoics, and the Pythagoreans, and the Aristotelians, and what more. Even the Orphics themselves didn’t regard their myths as literal truth: one of the things one learned when being initiated was the “actual” interpretation of the superficial myth, which was more symbolic.

So this is the thing. Myths can illustrate philosophical ideas if we consider looking at them under the surface. Myths can tell us about a people’s specific values and customs depending on history. Myths can be enjoyable and fun. However, myths shouldn’t pose a conflict in our worship. 

You can do as you please with myths. You can follow Plotinus’ advice and have them be symbolical. Or you can ignore them altogether, as I do (I acknowledge the importance of myth in the plotinian tradition, but I just find them entertaining and that’s it, I don’t have enough interest in them to study them further). Or, alright, you can believe the myths and the actions of the Gods there as true in the context of our path. But then... ask yourself one thing: why would you want to worship the Gods? If you take myths as a guiding tool in your practice, and you do believe Zeus is a rapist, and Athena is an unfair bitch, and Aphrodite is a vane whore, and anything else, then... what’s the point of you praying? What’s the point of you having an altar? What’s the point of you wanting to connect to the divine through the figures of these Gods?

I mean, okay, I concede you can avoid worshipping the deities that you find to be morally conflicting altogether. But trust me; you will find immoral stories about every deity. You say, “alright, I will avoid worshipping the rapist and instead worship Hades, who is not like Zeus.” Surprise. You will come accross a myth that tells something conflicting about Hades. I promise. I don’t know any (because as I said, I ignore myths), but I PROMISE there is one. And you then will have to go through the burden of reexamining your relationship with Hades, the ways in which you disaprove of his actions in said myth, and perhaps even come to end your worship. Is this the type of path you want to walk? A path of fearing the Gods, of avoiding them, of praying to them to “stay away” from you? Really? 

OR you could just acknowledge that myths are not real. They are fiction. The Gods never commit the actions told there. Zeus never came down to earth in the form of rain to get Danae pregnant. Hera never actually made Heracles’ life impossible because of jealousy and rage. Aphrodite and Persephone never actually fought over Adonis. Apollo never really killed Orion or stalked Daphne. It didn’t happen. It couldn’t have happened, realistically speaking. So why do you believe it? Why do you choose to fear these Gods? You could simply take a myth and say, “well... this is bad. This does not align with my moral values. Good thing this is just a story rewritten by Ovid and not actual record of the activity of the Gods”. 

Myths tells us more about ourselves than about the Gods. Do not put yourself in the burden of having to hate the Gods because of their actions in stories. Do not be so immature and absorbed by our culture’s arrogance and end up “cancelling” the Gods for things a man wrote 2000+ years ago based on traditional stories, thinking of poetry and art, and not of religion. 

Stop fearing Zeus. Stop fearing Apollo. Stop fearing Hera and Athena. These Gods are much more than just figures that perform the worst acts of humanity. Give yourself the chance to have meaningful and loving relationships with them, and let others have that as well. 

I hope this post serves its purpose. 

[maxdemianfangirl]

So...Lilith

So I did not think my responses would be reblogged by @veiledlight-blog and @ohmourningstar but I want to continue the discussion on Lilith which isn’t a reblog chain but instead a full post.

So, why not use Lilith in your practice?

Because you’re not Jewish. Lilith is Jewish. You are not. Judaism is a closed practice for a reason. You aren’t supposed to use the stuff there if you aren’t Jewish. Maybe I have to explain why it’s closed.

Anti-semitism is a big issue. It’s everywhere all around the globe. Closed practices are closed to keep the practice how it is without being colonized, and Judaism is no exception. The Jewish people are often discriminated against. I could go on a full rant on how.

My Sunday school classmates have found nazi symbols spray painted onto walls near their homes. My Jewish friends have been made fun of for being Jewish. I’ve personally been threatened with violence and possible death for being Jewish. It’s caused a long issue with my self identity and my religious beliefs which I still struggle with now. I have often not wanted to be Jewish because I felt so ashamed and bad about it. I didn’t want a Bat Mitzvah in case others found out because I knew telling my friends might bring up a side of them I had no clue about or letting others who would also harm me know about my Judaism. It worsened my mental health which was already not good. And guess what? I was a kid. Not even thirteen when this all happened. No kid should go through that. No kid should hate who they are and what they believe because of others and their hate.

Judaism at its root is meant to protect its people from those who want to harm those who practice it. The whole book of Exodus was about escaping the Pharaoh who enslaved us and finding a new home. We have countless stories about it (the Prague Golem is an amazing one). We have the Holocaust. We’ve been taught by the world to keep closed to ourselves. Its figures like Lilith are not for those who are not Jewish. 

Now, Lilith has become so popular because her whole concept has been changed from what it once was. Lilith was a high figure, not to be messed with and a literal demon who could and would harm babies and their mothers. Now she’s all succubus queen empowering women. While I am very happy that women, especially young witches, can feel empowered, there’s many, many ladies in other pantheons who are more appropriate for goyim (those who are not Jewish). Honestly, if i were a non-Jewish witch I would love Eve and even as a Jewish witch I still love her. Like your free will? Thank her. Stay away from the lady who was written to eat babies. 

Also, young witches are also a big problem when it comes to this. You're naive. Hell I’m still young I’m definitely still naive. But I’m learning. You should be too, learning what you shouldn’t use in your practice because it’s appropriation. 

And I mentioned before in my responses that some people have deities and entities come to them, not the other way around. I’ve dealt with this situation with another involving Lilith as said deity/entity before. Let’s have a hypothetical situation. You see Loki in your dreams. You’re not a Norse Pagan. He talks to you. When you wake up you feel this connection between you and him. You research. You find out about Norse Paganism and since you feel so connected to one of its deities, you study more of it and eventually become a Norse Pagan. People can get involved in certain religions or practices because of such experiences. Why can’t the same be done with Liltih and Judaism?

Now, Norse Paganism is an open practice. With closed ones it’s different, especially with African and Native American practices. But I say the underlying concepts and ideas still apply in concerns to Judaism. You’re free to join us. If you actually really feel connected to her, then I bet you 9/10 you’ll feel connected to Judaism and its concepts as well and end up converting. It’s a long process and yes, it’ll require a lot of work. But if you really want it you’ll do it. Getting into studying magic in itself is a massive undertaking. If you want it, you can do it. And if you want to become Jewish you can do it if you really want it.

I know many young witches who want to work with Lilith will say “but I’m too young I can’t convert!” Well guess what? If you really want it you can sit down and wait and when you’re 18 you can convert. Study Judaism in the meanwhile. Help out your local Jewish community. Be an ally to us. We’ll greatly appreciate it and it’ll help with the conversion. If it’s too much of a hassle to wait, hopefully you’ll learn you made a mistake as your young naive self and have more wisdom for your practice, because we all make mistakes and we all should learn from them. And definitely still stand with us as an ally against anti-semitism! And if you still work with and worship her after all that without the conversion, then you’re just an approperiating asshole. Why she would want to work with you is beyond me. Even being “against anti-semitism” is a futile effort because clearly no you’re not. 

Also, please do not work with Lilith while you’re converting. Wait till after. You made it so far doing it all right only to ruin it by doing that. Plus by doing so you’re honestly just showing 1) you only converted for Lilith 2) you don’t actually respect the rest of Judaism and 3) Honestly you’re just an asshole trying to cover your tracks.

For any witches who do fully convert or those thinking on it: you can still be a witch and do pagan things as a Jew! Look at me. Look at my mom. Look at @will-o-the-witch. Nobody will judge you for it (you’ll find we’re a very open-minded and accepting community). Even rabbis will be open to it and might give you resources! So don’t be scared. We’ll welcome you.

One big thing, don’t just do nothing when you are officially Jewish. Attend services at a synagogue. Help out at your local JCC. Celebrate the holidays. Don’t just turn Jewish because some kid on Tumblr told you to if you wanted to work with Lilith. If you’re just going to ignore all of it when it’s done, then why even bother? It makes you another asshole just covering their tracks. If this is what you’re gonna do, don’t do it.

Also, please note my whole ramble on conversion is meant for people who genuinely feel a powerful connection to Lilith which should extend to the whole of Judaism. Don’t convert or even consider it if you’re only vaguely interested in her and the religion. Research is fine but active practice is a whole new bucket of worms. You’ll waste your time and everyone else’s time with a conversion if you’re not fully involved and into it. Attend or watch (with the pandemic and that) a service or two and see how you think of it. Research research research as well and decide after you’ve done the two. It’ll likely be a no at the end if you are not genuinely interested. Or you may end up genuinely interested in Judaism by doing those things. Just always make sure you’re 100% confident in your choice for this if you’re going to actually convert. It’s a big move and not one to be taken lightly. 

So, TLDR for the whole conversion thing: you either end up realizing your mistake and growing as a person and witch, you reveal yourself as a true asshole, or you end up in a community you’re happy in. Think hard and long. Question your interest and connections. Don’t not get involved in Jewish things if you do convert.

I didn’t expect this to end up mostly about conversion at the end but oh well. I hope this helps or provides some insight. For any questions please just dm or send me an ask. Any anti-semitism or hate will be ignored because I don’t have time for your shit.

[poisonfallen]

Your take on cancel culture and stan culture?

Oh boy, oh boy, it's happening.

Alright, let's talk about toxic people on the internet. And keep in mind that my opinion goes beneath the mcyt community. I feel the same about the kpop community and any other community that is famous for having lots of toxic people. 

Also, keep in mind that this is my opinion about these topics, I don’t intend to offend or misinform anybody. I might be wrong, and if I am wrong indeed, please help me correct any mistake that I’ve done.

Cancel culture

Before ranting about its toxicity, let's understand what it actually means and how it works.

What is cancel culture? 

Well, according to Wikipedia, “cancel culture or call-out culture is a modern form of ostracism in which someone is thrust out of social or professional circles – whether it be online, on social media, or in person” (source). 

Basically, cancel culture is the process of ceasing offering support to a public figure after saying or doing something that is considered objectionable or offensive. 

In theory, cancel culture is a good thing that helps the victims speak up and properly defend themselves, as well as preventing other people from doing the same mistakes. No harm done to innocent people, just a way of saying why a certain person or a certain company has done something that really hurt a category of people. Some even say that it’s an exercise of free speech.

However, while a culture that encourages calling out inappropriate behaviour is important, a culture that is quick to cancel and reluctant to forgive is something that divides the internet and starts wars in the trial of defending an opinion that is not shared by every single person on the internet, thus becoming the thing that its purpose is to defeat. (a vicious cycle of hatred)

So why is it toxic?

From my point of view, I don’t think that cancel culture is a toxic thing in theory. But the way people actually use it is what concerns (and bothers) me. 

In its current form, anonymous and fuelled by negative emotions, cancel culture has the power to destroy a person’s career in a matter of minutes. There are no gray areas, just the white and black pack mentality: “I am right and you are wrong”. 

The subject of the cancelation becomes “cancelled” for disagreeing with a certain opinion, and the cancelled one feels like the whole world is hating them. No one can argue that going through a cancellation, no matter how big or small it is, can severely affect one’s mental health and leave them scarred for life. 

Cancel culture, at this point, is bullying someone famous without facing the consequences. We are already used to surf the web and stumble across someone’s cancelation over something that not even in our wildest dreams we would be able to imagine otherwise. 

I think that all of us are familiar with a stupid cancelation, like canceling someone over a burger that somehow became the sole reason of obesity (see: Dream MrBeast burger). We can’t help but laugh at people trying to cancel someone for a stupid reason. 

But, unfortunately, not all of our cancelations are stupid or laughable. There are people cancelled over their physical aspect or them not being political active, people cancelled over being friends with certain people or over saying something that is now considered to be slightly offensive a few years ago. The ones who are under the spotlight can’t make jokes or take decisions by themselves, they are supposed to be the marionettes of their fans. 

(I do not intend to say that all cancelations are bad, but I’m trying to highlight how the majority of the most recent cancelations are out of place. If someone actually tries to actively harm your minority, your beliefs etc. you should call out that inappropriate behaviour, but without purposely harming that person as a means of payback) 

There is also a toxic behaviour that I’ve noticed in a cancelation: the “I forgive you”/”I don’t forgive you” phrase used by people who have no right to do so. If you are part of the minority who has been hurt, then you have every right to forgive or not someone for saying or doing something hurtful towards your minority. 

But if you are not a part of that minority, shut the f*** up. By speaking on behalf of a minority while you aren’t part of that minority you take away the right of actually addressing the issue from the people who are part of that minority. You can support them from the sides and let them express their pain with their own voice. They perfectly capable of addressing the issue, they need your support but not you taking the spotlight away from the actual problem.

What is my take on cancel culture?

I think that there are more civil ways of resolving an issue without actively trying to destroy someone’s career. Instead of cancelling that person, we could educate them (but not in that harmful way I’ve seen on twitter) on the subject and on why their words or actions are hurtful. 

We should remember that we are all humans and that every human makes mistakes. Don’t forget that children learn by making mistakes. And while I’m well aware that we are not talking about children here, you should also be well aware that we are talking about actual humans with feelings. 

Cancelation should be the last weapon we use, but only if that person refuses to give an apology and educate themselves on the subject. 

Overall, don’t. Just don’t cancel people. Don’t attack people on the internet. Don’t try to harm people on the internet. 

Some of you might disagree with my opinion and I’m open to criticism as long as you can help me educate more on the subject.

Now let’s move on to the other topic

Stan culture

Before I start talking about this one, I’d like to point out that stans actually scare me, a lot. 

What is stan culture?

“Stan culture describes an online phenomenon in which communities of stalker fans, or stans, engage in overly enthusiastic support of a favorite celebrity online (called “stanning”), including at times vehement, coordinated attacks against detractors and critics” (source). 

Basically stan = stalker + fan. 

There are also people who say that the word stan comes from Eminem’s song “Stan” which tells the story of a crazed fan. I do recommend listening to the lyrics of this song if Eminem is not your cup of tea, it’s a good intake in what stan culture was at the beginning of 2000′s.

To be honest, I don’t have anything more to add at this section. Anything more I’d say would, in the end, be the same as what was already stated. (but you can see my opinion on it with more comments at the end)

It stan culture toxic?

You have to live under a rock if you had never seen a stan on twitter or tumblr. You usually recognize them by their profile pictures, the content they share, their posts and their ready to argue behaviour in case you insult or disagree with the ones they worship. 

I’d like to point out that there is a fine line between a stan and a fan: stans know no length when it comes to defending their object of worship and often have really toxic ways of expressing their opinions, while a fan is there just to enjoy their favourite content without engaging in harmful discussion and hate speeches. 

This topic is filled with controversy. In essence, stanning should be a means of showing support. The majority of them don’t even realize the toxicity they spread only after leaving the fandom. 

The real problem here is the moment when they engage in conflicts without entertaining the thought that they might be wrong. Anything they do is right and their object of worship can say or do no mistake. This extends to the point of sending death threats and even doxxing. 

For those who don’t know about doxxing, short for dropping dox: doxxing is an internet slang that means to publish personal information (of an individual) on the internet. You can find more about it here.

With no intend to disrespect or disregard one’s religious beliefs, you can say that stanning is like being part of a religion. The stans are the extremist people who practice that religion, while the fans are those who practice it from time to time (eg. like a Christian who goes to Church only on Christmas and Easter - me). 

In the end, stan culture is toxic to both the stans and celebrities. 

Is there a connection between stan culture and cancel culture?

They are both toxic internet cultures, this one is right for sure.

From what I’ve noticed during my short timed stay on twitter, a lot of cancelations are made by stans from the same community or different communities. 

I’m part of mcyt community, so I’ve seen a lot of Dream fans and Dream antis fighting over the past months, trying to cancel each other and harm each other. It’s mental seeing people actively trying to do these kind of things just because they love or hate a certain person. Of course that we can’t tie the situation to a certain content creator. 

I know that his also happens a lot in the kpop community where stans are in a constant fight to destroy the career of each other’s favourite idol group or bias (someone's most favorite member of an idol group). 

What is my take on stan culture?

I feel like I need to repeat myself: stans scare the s*** out of me. 

It’s like their sole purpose in life is to support someone and don’t have the basic sense of boundaries. A lot of problems arise with this: like shipping people who are uncomfortable being shipped with, intense sexualizing (sexualizing the minors is the worst from my point of view), creating drama and intentionally ignoring real world problems just to make their favourite person(s) trend, and the list is so long that I feel like I’d create a record on tumblr for the longest post if I go on. 

We are talking about some weird adaptation of Lord of the Flies where children raise each other on the internet. It’s like a cult and they are brainwashed into believing what everybody else thinks. And the worst part is that I don’t think we’ll ever get better from this, things are only going south to heaven. 

I might be wrong and biased, so I do expect someone to help me understand these topics better, but for now these are my firm opinions. 

I’d also like to clarify, once again, that in the religion example I’m not making fun of Christianity, I’m just using it as a means to help people better understand my point.

[loki-darkprince-odinson]

King Loki, I apologize for the rant but I would like some advice.

My father always makes me feel like complete garbage. He is always putting me down, never appreciates me, and makes my depression so much worse. I'm fixing up a house to move in with my friends but I'm still stuck at the house since my parents won't help me get my license or a car, much less a job. I cook, do dishes, take care of the pets, take out the trash, get the mail, do my laundry, wash towels, and help with their laundry. I also take care of my sick mother and while I'm currently on summer break, I'm going to college to become a clinical psychologist. Even then, my father will point out other things that I don't do, and expects me to clean the entire house every day. He always talks about how he needs to do everything around the house yet all he does is sleep, play video games, and watch television. He also says he works hard yet on many occasions he says he sits on his ass all day on his tablet. He also yells so much. I get scared every day when he starts yelling because I worry he may leave us, which he has threatened before, or he may actually hit us. He never has hit either my mother or I yet, and says he never would but he slams and throws things when angry at us so it's his way of showing us how much he wants to hit us, even if he doesn't realize it. However, not only do I have many responsibilities, My depression makes it difficult for me to do much, and he makes it worse. Even when I do try to clean the house he always makes comments such as: "About time." or "How long until it gets cleaned next time?" or "This was half assed, you didn't do it right." I have tried so hard to have a connection with him but I'm so tired of fighting for a relationship that he doesn't care about. I can't address my concerns with him because he will threaten to not take me to college and pay the bills. Do you have any advice to help me deal with my father until I can escape?

Best regards, Catrina.

“Catrina,” Loki drawls, in his smooth resonate voice. “I firstly must commend your good work. For caring for your ill mother, minding the household needs, and that you get up in the morning even if your soul is weary and your bones ache for a rest; that you keep on living even if you do not know how to anymore. Secondly, you have my deepest sympathies for your grievances. I am all too familiar with what it is like to seek the approval of a parent; only for there to be none in return.” His eyes were completely unfocused, yet his pallid features bore the most intense concentration as memories flowed unbidden.

He says nothing for a moment. Then, something in the edge of his mouth—and the corner of his eyes—resembled the ghost of a sad smile.

“Those whom I knew and called my mother and father are dead. That much is beyond dispute. They were not my real parents, but they raised me as their own. I daresay they loved me. That had been in dispute, at least in my own mind for awhile. I found out very late that my identity was a lie. Not Asgardian, not a son of Odin, I was completely unmade. That was how I felt when I learned of my true parentage. I was a fraud, a monster; it explained so much. It explained why I never felt like I fit in, why I would never be my brother's equal, why I would never get what I'd been promised my whole life.” His voice was soft, hoarse. Intent.

Loki raises his left hand and rests his forefinger against his lips as a line forms between his own eyebrows in thought.

“I have lingered around Midgard long enough to come to an understanding of how your minds tick. I shall do my best to give advice where I can.

Try, if you will, to put things into perspective. The most loving parents commit murder with smiles on their faces. They force one to destroy the person they really are: a subtle kind of murder. Even the most loving parents damage their children with the best intentions—to protect them, to guide them, to better them. In most cases, it would appear they do it by imprinting their own fears and prejudices on them.

The point is, parents are mere, imperfect people.

They have flaws, struggles and impaired judgement. They have both emotional and intellectual handicaps. Regardless of their parental role, they are afflicted by personal blockages and limitations.

But most of all, they are people who make mistakes, and who are terrified of being judged by their children.

Learn to see your difficult parent as just that; human. Learn to see their emotional immaturity as a type of disability.

With that in mind, you would do well to keep your expectations of them low.

In many ways the effect a difficult parent has on ones self is fueled by their feelings of injustice and the belief that things could be different, or ought to be different.

In other words, your expectations dictate how you feel.

You need to let go of your expectations and accept your parent for who they are.

You cannot expect someone with, say, a narcissistic personality, to act with empathy and kindness. No more than you can expect a scorpion not to sting.

Difficult parents are much easier to deal with when you accept that they will not change. So do not expect of them more than they are capable of, and you will not be disappointed or hurt.

Do not fall into the illusion of guilt, Catrina.” He warns. “A difficult parent loves nothing more than to make you feel like you’ve hurt them. Or, in a different scenario, like you’re a bad person if you do not do something they ask.

Do not fall for it. If they’re setting a guilt trap, calmly tell them that you do not appreciate being emotionally manipulated, and you will not tolerate it anymore.

Manipulators, and I should know, detest being called out on their dirty tricks.

If they continue to harass you, reiterate that you cannot do what they’re asking you to do this time, and you need them to respect that.

The trick is agreeing with everything they’re saying (how can they argue when you agree with them?) and re-stating your decision over and over again.

Now this part I find to be… far more easier said than done. You must let go of the need for your father's approval, Catrina. It goes without saying that every child needs and wants their parents’ approval. It is normal to want it, and it is normal to receive it.

Yet so many have to accept the fact that this is not going to happen. For whatever reason, their parent has chosen to withhold their approval. Some difficult parents do it as a form of punishment. While others hope to influence their child in the “right” direction.

Most likely, your father loves you, but they have a very warped idea of what parental love is.

In their misguided quest to make you into a version of themselves, they missed the chance to get to know you. And so they cannot appreciate you for the wonderful being that you are.”

He shrugs elegantly. “It is their loss. When you realize this and let go of the need for their approval, you will be able to start living your life in a whole new way.

When confronting your father, be direct and calm without expecting a specific response. That is the part you cannot control. The part that is within your control is letting your thoughts and feelings known, which is empowering.

Stick to the facts and use “I” statements such as, “I feel like my words do not matter to you when you constantly interrupt me” or “I feel scared and misunderstood when you yell at me”

Remember that manipulative parents are not known for their empathy. They will try to confuse you, go on the offensive, or assume the role of a victim.

Do not allow them to bully you into submission by invoking guilt or pity. State your case in a calm and polite manner, and stay cool regardless of their response.

Your goal is to be honest about your feelings, and to make it clear that you will not tolerate certain behaviors.” He softly clears his throat.

“Last but not least, an unhappy alternative is forgoing the relationship that is too harmful. I know, a parent is not someone you can so easily cut out of your life. But if all else fails and your father continues to cause you psychological harm, then this may very well need to be taken into considerable consideration; at least for the foreseeable future. Sometimes it is the only logical recourse.

A parent that is fundamentally incapable of showing love and support, unable to see the error of their ways after numerous attempts to communicate how their behavior or words affect you, consistently dismissive, demeaning or critical, manipulative in a habitual manner, punishing and cruel whenever you disobey, are disrespectful of your boundaries and using threats and intimidation to get what they want is a destructive force that will continue to tear you down until you put a stop to it.

It is not an easy feat, my dear. The parent-child bond is hardwired into the brain, which means children get attached to even the most awful of parents.

But consider the cost of having that toxic relationship in your life—stress breeds anxiety, depression, internalized feelings of inadequacy, and failed personal relationships.

I wish you all the best, Catrina. I truly do.”