#this is like... the ''denied three times'' thing except it's the universe doing the denial instead of a rabbi 💀
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echthr0s ¡ 4 months ago
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I always think "the pandemic didn't really mess up my life all that much" because I don't work and I never got to leave my house much anyway and I never got sick etc but forget all that. the pandemic messed up my life big time by blasting my conversion goals to smithereens
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indigovigilance ¡ 1 year ago
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The Erasure of Human!Metatron
The elephant in the room is that Neil has [purportedly] denied the existence of a human Metatron. But I, for one, think an elephant really ties the room together. So let's get started.
First, I will address Neil Gaiman’s apparent denial of the Human!Metatron storyline (below the cut):
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Caption: The Metatron in Good Omens wasn't ever human.
Which would seem to put the debate to bed.
Except.
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Caption: That’s not really his father. It is. It is now, and it always was.
By Adam renouncing Satan as his father, we have in-story canon evidence that the past can be retroactively changed. So a storyline past can be divergent from an in-world past which has been modified. But only to a degree, because Aziraphale and Crowley clearly remember that Adam ~was~ Satan’s son, and Adam still retains some residual powers. Like pencil marks on paper, the past can be erased, but the shadow of its former self will always be there. But if that's not enough for you, there's also...
Lucifer!Satan
Neil Gaiman has also been pretty consistent with this characterization about the non-existence of the past in other characters, for example Lucifer!Satan:
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Basically (not to be rude), if you think that these statements can be taken to mean that we will definitely not get a story about Enoch aka Human!Metatron in S3, you have fundamentally misunderstood how time, history, and identity work in Neil Gaiman’s Good Omens universe.
So what Neil said about Metatron never being human… can we just collectively set that aside for a moment?
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Caption: Work with me, I’m extrapolating here. Yes? Good. Read the rest of the meta.
Evidence of Human!Metatron
Now that we have established that a former, no-longer-existing version of Metatron could have been human, let’s examine the in-world evidence. The best direct evidence is:
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Caption: I’ve ingested things in my time, you know.
This is weirdly important in the Book of Enoch. Food is mentioned in the Book of Enoch at least fourteen times, and consistently it is associated with being human, and having earthly desires, and subsequently with sin, whereas the angels are described as not needing to eat food but instead being nourished by faith alone. Enoch!Metatron’s own relationship with food is also explicitly elucidated:
Enoch answered to his son Mathosalam (and) said: Hear, child, from the time when the Lord anointed me with the ointment of his glory, (there has been no) food in me, and my soul remembers not earthly enjoyment, neither do I want anything earthly.
I propose that "in my time" is a direct reference to Metatron's prior existence as a human, and the fact that this time is over serves to underscore his current inhumanity, making him all the more sinister.
Other Evidence Pointing to Book of Enoch
This next bit is somewhat dubious evidence, but the entire reason I wound up investigating this is that I was actually investigating Baraqiel:
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…and for the God-fearing life of me, I cannot find any reference to Baraqiel except in the Book of Enoch. So this is a pretty big ✨Clue✨ to just leave hanging out there if it’s not supposed to lead us to this text.
The Scottish Mason
Okay guys, this the part where it all comes unhinged, but I promise the payoff is worth it.
The Book of Enoch was recovered from Ethiopia in 1773 by a Scottish explorer named James Bruce, who also happened to be a Mason. In 1774, upon his return, he was made a Fellow of The Royal Society of Edinburgh. And if this quote doesn’t get you, I don’t know what will:
Amazingly, Bruce brings back not just one copy, nor two, but three! Three copies of this text, which was previously thought to have been lost to the West forever. This inevitably led to all kinds of accusations as to where he had come by them, and more importantly how? Add to this that Bruce was a Mason in one of the most influential lodges, a Bruce descendant, and an imposing physical figure and 6 feet 4 inches tall, with dark red hair and an irascible temper, it is no wonder that so much excitement and mystery surrounded the man. [source]
So, you know, this guy:
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In summary:
There are reasons that we should be looking to the Book of Enoch, and the story surrounding its reintroduction to the Western world, as source evidence for Good Omens S3.
If you enjoyed this, you may also like my meta on Baraqiel and Azazel, which draws upon the Book of Enoch.
My original (in retrospect, kind of terrible) Metatron meta is here.
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supercorpkid ¡ 3 years ago
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Rescue Mission – Suicide Mission.
Part 2 – You can’t trust anybody.
Supercorp, Kara Danvers x Daughter!Reader, Lena Luthor x Daughter!Reader, Alex Danvers x Niece!Reader, Brainy x Reader, Eliza Danvers x Granddaughter!Reader.
Word count: 3105.
Warnings: Angst. Injuries.
Previously on the series - Part 1
You fly back to the DEO, to meet with Alex and Kelly. It’s your fault, you know, you couldn’t save Jamie, now they got her too. You get there before they do, and you go to the infirmary to see Kara. The crushing weight of your choices stare right back at your face when you look at Kara’s injured face. All of this, all of it, it’s all your fault.
You should’ve been out there with Kara when she was fighting Rao knows what. Two Kryptonians are better than one. You should’ve been aware of what was happening, and you should’ve been there to keep Lena safe from the kidnappers. You shouldn’t have left Jamie behind; you should’ve brought her to the DEO with you so she could be safe from all of this. There are so many things you should have done but didn’t.
Some superhero you are.
“I’m sorry, mommy.” You say, stroking her face wherever it is not bruised. “I know you’re hurt, but please, you have to wake up. Please. I-I don’t know where mom is, and you’re hurt, and Jamie is gone-” You can’t hold the tears back, no matter who can see you through the glass walls. “It’s all on me. And I’m just-just a kid. I know I’m your kid, but still not enough for all of this. And I’m scared and lonely. Aunt Alex will blame me, as she should, it’s my fault.” You put your forehead on the bed next to her face and reach for her hand. “It’s all my fault, I didn’t protect the most important people in the universe for me. And now-” You can’t even finish.
It’s all laid out in front of you, you are aware of how all of this is your fault. Your heart beats unsynchronized, and you feel like it wants to just stop beating. Why is this happening? Why would anyone want to destroy your family so bad? And why-why are you letting them?
“Excuse me Superkid, I need you to come with me.” You hear Brainy’s voice behind your back, and you snap your head up, aggressively cleaning your tears. You let go of Kara’s hand, not before kissing it and squeezing reassuringly, and follow him out of the infirmary and into the closest empty office.
“What is Brainy? Where is Alex and Kelly?” You ask and you see him moving uncomfortable, shifting on his feet. “What!”
“They didn’t make it here yet.” Brainy answers and you furrow your brows at the thought. “I don’t think director Danvers was who she said she was. Or maybe she was, and now isn’t. There’s a 50% chance that-”
“Brainy! What the hell are you talking about?” You ask and he slides his tablet on top of the table, and you stop it with your hands when it gets to you.
“See? That’s the Alex who picked up Kelly.” You agree with your head at the image on the tablet, still confused as to where he is going with this. “And then this Alex walks in the building a few minutes later.”
“What?” You look at the video playing in front of you. The two of them look exactly alike but are dressed in slightly different clothes. You shuffle your brain for a sentence you heard earlier. ‘Both of the Danvers have left with Jamie’s mother.’ Everyone in school knows Alex, they wouldn’t let Jamie leave with anyone else except her mothers. So, she left with one Alex, but there is another one out there.
Brainy has put both videos, side by side, so you can look at it more carefully. You weren’t paying attention to what your aunt was wearing today, but you remember she had a jacket on.
“This one is the real Alex.” You point at one of the images. “Does she have Kelly?”
Brainy looks at the video again and agrees with his head, reluctantly. “It doesn’t matter who has her. You can’t trust anybody. If there’s a shapeshifter out there, anyone could be the enemy. Maybe even in your family.”
“Are you saying it could be any of us?” You raise an eyebrow at him, and he denies with his head.
“Unlikely that a shapeshifter would be able to impersonate a 12th-level intellect like me in a believable manner.” Brainy says and you shake your head in denial, throwing yourself in one chair. “Or you, I should think so. But Alex, Kelly? We don’t know.”
“Should we ask for back-up? J’onn? Nia?”
“Weren’t you listening?” He snaps at you, aggressively. “We can’t trust anybody! Also, no! We’re not bringing Nia into this!”
“Well, 12th-level intellect-” You look him up, and he stops typing on his tablet to look at you. “Where’s Lena and Jamie?”
“To that question, I still don’t have an answer.” He says, making you growl. “But fear not! Agent Dox is on the case.”
He leaves the room, and you breathe deep. You can’t trust anybody. Kara is still unconscious; Lena and Jamie have both disappeared and there’s someone out there using your aunt's face. This feels like a suicide mission. How on Earth will you find them without help?
You jolt out of the room and fly high in the sky looking for them. You fly everywhere. The entire Earth once, twice, three times. You can’t see them.
You’re up high in the sky of National City, thinking about all the alternatives that you have. You should bring the aliens to you, surrender yourself before they get to Alex, Kelly -IF they haven’t yet- and even your… GRAMM!
You fly to Midvale so fast, you only blink again when you get there. “Gramm! You home?”
“Hey sweetie!” Eliza comes to the door, and your heart seems to gain strength to beat again when you see her smile.
“It’s you!” You throw yourself in her arms, and she holds you gently.
“Yeah, it’s me.” She chuckles at the absurdity of the sentence.
“You have to go to a safe place, you-” You stop, thinking about it. Where is a safe place? The DEO? Probably not anymore. Your home? You doubt it. Even here in Midvale she is not safe, because fake Alex can show up at any time and she would go with her, unable to differentiate them. “You have to come with me.”
“Where?” Eliza steps away from you and holds your face in between her hands. “Look at you in your superhero suit all dirty and blo-” She furrows her brows when she realizes. “You’re bleeding! Come in, come in. Let me look at you.”
“Gramm, I’m not bleeding. This is not my blood.” You clench your eyes shut, holding back the tears and the guilt. “It’s Kara’s. Gramm, please. You’re not safe here, you must come with me. Please. I’ll explain everything when you’re somewhere safe.”
“Ok. I trust you, sweetheart.” Eliza says and you smile at her, before picking her up and flying to the Fortress of Solitude. You pick up the ‘key’ under the snow, and open the door, rushing Eliza in. “It’s so cold in here.”
“Wait.” You use your super speed, and, in a flash, you are before her eyes with a warm coat. She dresses in it, and you guide her somewhere she can be more comfortable -if it’s even possible to be comfortable in a place with nothing but ice-.
“Why don’t you tell me what’s going on and what we’re doing here?” Eliza asks and you do. You start talking and you can’t stop anymore. You tell her everything and even though her eyes are filled with worry and tears, she still holds your hands and smiles lightly at you when you’re finished. “Sweetheart, I know this feels almost impossible, and I can’t tell you how much I wish none of you were going through this, but-” She looks around and breathes in, gathering up courage. “Look where we are.”
“At the Fortress?” You ask, wondering if this is some enigma you must solve. She agrees with her head.
“Superman and Supergirl's hiding place, because they are Kryptonians who came to Earth and got superpowers.” She says, like the thought is somehow ridiculous. “Would you say they can’t solve this?”
“No.” You think about it for a second. “I mean, they are the Supers! Of course they can.” But Supergirl is right now laying in a bed under the sun on the DEO, and she can’t help. So, should you ask for Superman’s help?
“Well, you’re half Kryptonian. You have the same superpowers. You have the same hiding spot. You’re the daughter of the champion of the Earth. You wear the same crest on your chest.” Eliza taps lightly at the ‘House of El’ crest on your suit. “If they can do this, you, Superkid, can do it too.”
“But Gramm, I’m all alone. And I can’t trust anyone.” One single tear falls from your eye, and Eliza cleans it with her thumb.
“You can trust yourself.” She whispers softly. “Just listen to your heart, sweetie.”
Listen to your heart. Listen. That’s it! That’s all you need to do.
“I have to go!” You get up in one motion. “You’ll be safe here, and I’ll come back with our family. Thank you, Gramm!”
You fly out of the Fortress leaving her behind. You feel bad for leaving her alone in such a cold-lonely-place, but it’s for her own safety, so you shove this thought to the back of your mind and fly to National City.
Just listen to her heart.
You’ve been doing that since you’re ten. You know your mom’s heartbeat like the palm of your hands now. So just listen.
You hear a steady thump-thump somewhere almost out of the city, and you follow the sound like a clear signal. You land in front of a lead covered shack, and you try to even your breath, and calm your brain. This is it. This is the moment you can put a stop to this nonsense. You can save your mom, and your cousin. You can do it, this is a rescue mission, not a suicidal one.
You clench your jaw, and your fists, and focus on Lena’s heartbeat. Save her. Get her out of here. Your hands shake with anticipation and energy. You kick the door open and feel no resistance for a few seconds. Odd.
Soon you feel gunshots ricocheting on your body, and you keep walking in, unaffected. You’re in a dim-light big space. You see four guys on each side with nothing but guns shooting at you. There’s something wrong. This is almost too easy.
“Gentleman.” You say, and one of them makes a signal for them to stop shooting. “This feels like a waste of time. Are you sure we’re going through with this?”
Your answer is guns shooting at you again. Fair enough. You fly to one side, pulling the rifle out of one of the guy’s hands. You look at him, lips twitching in anger, before knocking him down with his own gun. One by one get knocked down by you, until all eight men lay blacked-out on the ground, and you find no more resistance.
You go inside exploring what it seems to be a lab. It doesn’t take long until you find Jamie tied to a chair with metal cuffs. A metal ring surrounds her head like a halo. And you notice that her eyes can't focus on anything. You break it off. Both hand cuffs, and head metal ring. And her body slumps forward, for you to hold it.
“You’re ok.” You tell her, holding her up straight. “You’re safe. I’m here. Talk to me, big-Danvers.”
“Get away from me.” Jamie fights out of your embrace with so much anger, she falls on the floor. You see her crawling away from you, so scared it makes your heart squeeze on your chest out of guilt.
“Jamie, Jamie.” You follow her, while she slumps forward like she is petrified of you. “It’s me! Your cousin. Little-Danvers!”
She shoots her head back at you at the sound of that. She blinks, still trying to decide whether you are really you. You come closer and kneel in front of her, but you don’t touch her yet.
“Is this really you?” Her hand makes way to your face, holding your jaw tight. “Are you one of them?”
“Hey, it’s me! It’s really me.” You look at her and realize her gaze is far away, and she can’t really focus on you. You look around, asking yourself who they are, and where they are. “Where’s Lena?”
“Locked up.” Jamie says slowly, dropping her head low. “Gone.”
Your heart stops at the sound of that word. She can’t. She can’t be gone. You hold her up on your side and make your way deep inside the lab. You can hear Lena’s heartbeat. She’s not gone, she is right here, and you’re going to find her.
When you find Lena, she is laying down on the floor, behind bars, like she is nothing. You put Jamie against the wall, and she stays there, unable to move. You run to Lena, breaking the bars of the cell she is in.
You kneel next to her, with horror. You look at the pool of blood around her head and terror washes over you. Your hands shake and you can’t move.
“She’s gone.” Jamie says, sliding down the wall and falling on her butt, as terrified as you are.
You wish you could move. You want to pick her up and shake her until she opens her eyes, until she says, ‘it’s ok babygirl, I’m ok’. You only notice your tears when they fall on her cheek, and your stomach twists in consternation. Is this real?
Your breath finally catches up to your lungs, and you try to stop your desperate sob so you can hear her. You heard her heartbeat, you’re not insane. Lena is alive. She has to be!
Your hands finally move, and you touch her face, she still feels warm. You drop your head, laying it on her chest, and you hear it. Her heart, her breath, her blood still cursing through her veins.
“Mom, mom, wake up.” You ask, holding her up against you. Feeling her body completely limp, like Kara’s have felt, hours ago. You look at the side of her head, there’s a long gash going down her face. You tear the fabric of her shirt and blow over with your freeze breath, putting it over her injury.
“Jamie, Jamie. I need your help. Please!” You ask your cousin, looking at the amount of blood on your hands, and legs.
“She’s gone.” Jamie says and your heart ponds against your ribs, and you want to yell. You want to tell her to shut up, she is not gone! She is right here! She’ll be fine! “And they’ll come back to take me too.”
You know who she’s talking about, the shapeshifters. You pick Lena up, throwing her floppy body over your shoulder and you make your way to Jamie, knowing well enough you can’t stay here waiting for them to show up. You hold Jamie’s waist, and like a reflex, or a body memory, she clenches her hand on your shoulder and closes her eyes knowing what is coming.
You fly out of the hiding place with both on your arms, and your heart is almost easing up when you realize you have found them. They are with you and you’re bringing them to safety, and you can care for them in the right way. But your heart beats fast again when you realize this fight is far from over. You still must come back and find your aunts. And still need to find the shapeshifters and stop them from doing anything worse.
You fly to the Fortress. Taking them inside is no easy job, but soon Eliza shows up and helps you with them. She apparently found where the coats are kept, because she comes in with a few in hand. She wraps Jamie gently close to her, and you lay Lena down, enfolding her with as many blankets as you can find.
“Gramm.” You call her and she comes closer to look at Lena. “She was bleeding, so I stopped it with my freeze breath.”
Eliza smiles at you, and nods. “You did the right thing; it will constrict the blood vessels.” She looks at you, cleaning the tears on your face. “I’ve got her now. She will be fine.”
You breathe deep trying to convince yourself this is true. It has to be true. What other alternative do you have?
“I’ll go pick up Kara.” You look at Jamie, who seems to be coming down from her shock state. “Then you’ll tell me what was going on inside that lab.”
You fly into the DEO unceremoniously and pick Kara up without anyone being able to stop you whatsoever. You’re almost out of there when you hear Brainy’s voice.
“Superkid. Alex and Kelly have appeared.” You look behind you, with Kara still unawake in your arms, but at least her body feels a little more rigid, and that must be a good sign. “They are locked up and-” He narrows his eyes at you. “Where are you taking her? She needs sunlight.”
“I’ll come back for Alex and Kelly. We still have to find the other Alex.” You look down at Kara and breathe deep. “But Supergirl comes with me.”
Brainy thinks about it for a second. You both have a stare down for what it feels like minutes, but it probably wasn’t that long until he breaks eye contact.
“How do I know you’re really you?” He asks and you raise an eyebrow.
“I could ask you the same question, but it wouldn’t matter. You said they couldn’t impersonate us, didn’t you?” You say, decisively. “My momma comes with me. Please don’t try to get in the way of that, I would hate it if I had to ensure our way out.”
“Fair enough.” He nods and you fly away, getting Kara to safety too. It’s just when she is wrapped around in blankets, lying next to Lena, with the yellow sunlight of the ‘Lena Luthor protocol’ on her, that you can breathe.
You look around your family, knowing damn well you’re still missing both of your aunts, and you know this is far from over. You know it’s been too easy. Nothing is ever this easy. Something big is coming, you can just feel it and it sends shiver down your spine.
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ethanesimp ¡ 3 years ago
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LET ME GO // V. D. A.
Pairing: Servant! Victoria De Angelis x Royal GN! Reader
Summary: You're cornered into making a decision that won't only break your heart but Vic's too.
Request: Maybe something that makes me cry
Warnings: Angst, mentions of death threats and death, arranged marriage, swearing
Word Count: 3.1k
Masterlist // Taglist link in bio
Taglist: @superchrystaldrug @reputationdamiano @ethaneskin @dont-let-me-drown-in-you @bidet-and-legolas​
A/N: I hope this is sad enough nonnie and that you like it :) It's my first time writing for Vic so I hope y'all enjoy reading as much as I did writing it! And yess, we’re still continuing this angst fest :)
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Love was a double-edged sword.
That was one of the first things you learned in your life. You’d see people in pain, crying and destroying themselves for it. It took you a long time to understand why one would do so much for a person, what was so special about them to sacrifice so much?
It took Victoria for you to fully understand. She was undoubtedly one of the most beautiful, energetic, and sweetest people you’d ever met. Those gorgeous blue eyes and endearing laugh made you fall head over heels for the girl you often saw around the castle ever since you were little. 
Ever since you shared your first kiss with her at the back of the stables while your friend Thomas looked out for guards, you knew your relationship was going to live on borrowed time but had always refused to dwell on the thought too much.
You were aware the circumstances you lived in were like a ticking time bomb stuck to your back. It was far too obvious and you’d be too naïve to think otherwise considering you were a member of royalty and the kingdom would eventually be your burden to carry. However, what you weren’t aware of was how easily things would fall apart or when, or how quickly. 
You’d already spent three years of pure bliss next to Victoria, sneaking around the castle and stealing moments and memories only the two of you knew about. You couldn’t deny that you’d always longed for more, to be able to show all your love for her in public and ask her to rule the kingdom by your side, but no amount of dreaming or wondering about what if’s would ever make your situation any different.
Six words were all it took for your bubble of denial to finally burst. Those six little words kept on repeating inside your head over and over again as you held Victoria in your arms. Her pretty eyes were looking into yours and a sad smile adorned her face as you brushed her hair back with your fingers. You could see the tears in her eyes and knew she could see yours, but neither of you dared to comment on it yet.
It was a delicate subject and neither of you wanted to talk first in fear of triggering an argument, even if you were both aware it was coming soon and there was no way to stop it. So you just sat there together in complete silence. The only thing that could be heard was the sporadic sounds of the window creaking because of the wind and the soft crack of wood burning on the large fireplace. 
You placed a soft peck on her lips and caressed her cheek delicately with your thumb, also removing the tears from her rosy cheeks. You pressed your forehead against hers and tightly closed your eyes as you smelled the sweet scent of flowers that hung in the air because of the small flowers woven into her light hair. 
Her arms were tightly wrapped around your body as if she was afraid that you’d suddenly vanish in the form of smoke and would slip from her fingers. You held her closer as a form of reassurance and sighed when you felt her once quiet sobs turn so violent they’d shake her whole body. 
“I’m sorry,” You mumbled and rubbed circles on her exposed back. You wanted nothing more than to take away all the pain she felt and let her know things would be alright, but you didn’t want to lie to her either, “I’m so sorry you had to see all that amore.”
She shook her head and buried her face against your chest as she cried harder. Victoria had always been so strong, so unbreakable, yet those six little words had just broken her and her heart into a thousand pieces. 
You’re getting married tomorrow. No questions. 
You’d been set to marry the heir of a nearby kingdom ever since you were a little kid, promised away to the other royal in exchange for resources to save a dying kingdom and they’d told you all about it in front of your friends… and your girlfriend. 
Your father had made you meet them right in front of her. The young royal, ignorant to your situation, had even gone as far as to kiss both your cheeks and quickly peck your lips. You had all been so taken aback by it, but no one commented on it because it would look suspicious. 
Even though all you wanted to do was take Victoria and run as far away as your legs would take you, the conversation you’d had with your father just minutes before the announcement stopped you from even trying. 
He looked exasperated, angry. You’d tried to browse your mind for anything you’d done wrong as of late but couldn’t come up with anything. There was no reason for him to be as mad as he seemed. 
“I seem so stupid to you, don’t I? You ungrateful child,” He’d spoken, tone sharp and voice laced with venom. You had flinched at how harsh his words sounded, still clueless as to what he was talking about, “I could put up with you not giving a shit about the Kingdom that will soon be yours because you’d have to stop that childish behavior of yours. But sneaking around with a maid’s daughter? That’s just ludicrous!”
Your heart fell to your stomach right then and there. He knew.
“I have tried so much, given you every single thing you wanted to hopefully get you to listen, but I’m tired of playing nice. You’re getting married tomorrow. No questions. And don’t you dare try and run away unless you want all her friends and family killed the second you step foot out of this castle.”
 She thankfully hadn’t heard your father’s words and you weren’t planning on telling her a thing. You knew for sure that if she’d heard, you would’ve already lost her. She had always been one to stand up against things that were wrong, and that time wouldn’t have been an exception. Unfortunately, your father was anything but lenient and you had no doubt that if she even thought of raising her voice at him things would end in chaos. 
“This is so unfair,” She murmured against your chest as more sobs escaped her lips. You stroked her head gently and nodded, “I know it is, I know.”
Then, she raised her head and looked at you with excited eyes as she wiped her tears away. She had an idea and you had a feeling you wouldn’t like it, “Let’s run away, Y/N. Right now. I have an aunt who lives far away in a kingdom where they will never find us! And we can be happy.”
Your gaze softened at her words. There was nothing you wanted more than to run away with Victoria, far from your parents and the responsibilities you’d been born into. You would’ve tried it too had your father not threatened to kill her family and friends if you did so. But you weren’t going to say a thing. 
“Victoria… We can’t- I can’t,” Her smile fell the moment she heard your words. She pulled away and left your embrace, making you instantly miss the warmth of her body pressed against yours.
Victoria sat down next to you, her eyes focused on yours as if she were trying to read your mind, “What do you mean you can’t? This hasn’t been the first time we’ve talked about it and you’ve always agreed to do it if we ever needed it, which we do now. What’s changed?” 
You had to look away after hearing just how hurt she sounded. You didn’t want to see her cry again because you knew you’d end up telling her every single thing your father told you. Anything would’ve been better than having to tell her, so you decided to say something that would not only break her heart but yours too, “I just can’t, okay? Vic, we were being childish! I cannot just flee the kingdom and expect no consequences. That was a stupid idea that would never work. I need to serve my duty, not run off with some servant’s daughter and forget all about my responsibilities here!”
She moved even further away from you. Victoria didn’t even try to hide the hurt caused by your words, “Oh, okay. I get it now,” She nodded and laughed bitterly as she turned around and gathered all the clothes that had previously been scattered all over the room, ”All this time I’ve been nothing but a fool...
“You know, when this all started between us, my friends kept telling me you were just using me for your amusement,” Victoria spoke. Her tone almost made you flinch because it just had as much venom laced in it as your father’s had earlier that day, “I never believed it, you know? I thought you loved me! But no, you’re just as hungry for power as all those fucking bastards, and I was nothing more than just your little game.” 
Her words felt like agonizingly painful stabs to the heart. You didn’t give a shit about power, about the kingdom, about anything but her. However, you weren’t selfish enough to be driven by your desire to be with her, a desire that was almost a need at that point. At least not after knowing everything that was on the line. Her family… her friends, friends who had become your own too. 
Oh how much you wanted to cave in. You wanted to reach out to her and wrap your arms around her frame while you told her just how sorry you were, how much you didn’t mean those words. But you stayed quiet instead and listened to her insults, took them in, and tried your hardest not to flinch or shed a tear, as much as it hurt to do so.
You didn’t stop her either when she ran out the door, tired from crying and screaming at you. Instead, you waited until she harshly shut the door behind her to finally cry. You cried and cried for what seemed like an eternity, got up from the bed, and tore the room to pieces out of pure frustration and hatred to both the universe and your parents for doing this to you. 
It felt like everything was moving in slow motion as you smashed the mirror to pieces with your shoe and tore off the blue wallpaper from the walls. Then, with weak knees and a heavy heart, you slid down the wall and sat on the floor.  You pressed your forehead to your knees and placed your hands over your face as you cried some more. 
Eventually, you fell asleep, exhausted from all the crying and heartbreak you were feeling, wanting nothing but for it to stop. Not too far away, Victoria was being held in the arms of her best friend, who held her while she cried and fell apart in his embrace. No one who was with the two knew what to say. Contrary to what Victoria had said in an attempt to hurt you, all her friends believed you were head over heels for her. Everyone knew you’d do every single thing she asked, but they had all been proven wrong. 
─────────༺♡༺─────────
There was an instant the next morning when you woke up, everything still foggy, where you forgot everything that had gone down the day before. You should’ve held onto those seconds tighter, but your brain didn’t let you as it brought back all the memories from the previous night like violent waves breaking into the shore, so painfully you had to hold your head with your hands.
When a servant walked in, he didn’t question the broken glass scattered all over the wooden floor, neither did he comment on the bare walls and the fact that you looked terrible. He didn’t because he was one of Victoria’s closest friends, Damiano. He silently pieced the story together in his mind and felt his heart break for his two dear friends.
He’d once described you two as a melody. A beautiful one that seemed to flow smoothly and left everyone around them speechless because the force in it was something that no one ever expected from such a quiet-sounding and delicate piece. You loved each other with everything you had, kissed each other like that time would be the last, and now, when you needed all that power and force, you weren’t using it. It made him sad and he couldn’t help but compare you two to an instrument that had gotten out of tune during an important solo. 
Minutes before entering the room, he’d been ready to lash out at you for breaking his sister’s heart, but the mere sight of you made him reconsider. Especially when you looked at him with red eyes and tear-stained cheeks. You looked into his eyes with so much panic and desperation as you spoke up, voice hoarse and barely inaudible, “I’m so sorry.”
He crouched down to your level and didn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around your body and hold you like he’d held Victoria the night before. Damiano, for the first time in a while, was out of words to say. He wanted to understand what had happened because Victoria had been so distraught the night before that her words had come out in, mostly, incoherent mumbles that not even Thomas or Ethan could catch. 
“What happened Y/N?” He asked in the sweetest, most delicate voice he could muster. It caught him off-guard how you started crying even harder at his question and gripped the collar of his shirt so tightly he was afraid of getting choked by a heartbroken you.
After a few sniffles, you spoke up. Thankfully, your words were much clearer than Victoria’s had been, “I fucked up, Damiano. That’s what happened,” You hiccuped, “I’m nothing but a coward. When my father threatened to kill her family I just stood there looking so fucking stupid. I just nodded along to everything he was saying.”
Damiano’s brown eyes opened wide as he processed your words, “He did what?” You brought a hand to your face and pulled at your hair in frustration at the realization that you had let those words slip. No one was supposed to know, especially not the person who was so close to her that he was basically her brother.
But the secret you’d tried so hard to hide was now out and it felt like a breath of fresh air after being close to suffocating, so you told him everything. All the words spilled out of your mouth and you didn’t even try to stop them. In fact, the exact opposite thing happened and you told him everything with as much detail as possible to the point where a little movie seemed to be playing inside your head.
He didn’t say a word until you finished talking. By that point, you had already calmed down enough to only sniff every once in a while, which was nothing compared to how distraught and shaken up you’d been minutes earlier. That’s when it dawned on him that the only thing you needed was to talk, it also explained why Victoria had been so heartbroken. She didn’t know about it…
It was like you were able to hear his thoughts, because the moment he opened his mouth to speak, you interrupted him, “No. I cannot tell Vic and neither can you. I know you love her just as much as I do and you know how she’d take this… Look, I can live happily if I know she’s out there, safe. How would I ever live with myself if she was gone and it was all my fault?”
His heart broke at your words, but he truly had no clue what he could ever say to make you feel any better, so the only thing he did was hold you closer and let you cry some more.
-
He eventually had to leave before another servant walked in to help you get ready for ‘the big day’. The other servant didn’t question the looks of your room either and stayed quiet as they helped you into the outfit that had been selected for you to wear to the wedding. You almost wanted to chuckle, you had no choice on who’d be there at the altar by your side and it seemed like you had no choice in what you’d be wearing either.
To anyone who’d seen you walk down the halls of the castle would’ve easily mistaken your frown for nothing more than being nervous at the thought of getting married. Hell, Damiano had even told you that a rumor had spread around the castle quickly after everyone found out about you being engaged. 
It was, apparently, no secret to any of the servants that you were seeing someone. Anyone who didn’t know any better had thought it had been the other royal you were set to marry. That you’d spend blissful hours sneaking around the castle, eager to finally unite and live together forever. They weren’t exactly wrong. You did wish for that with everything you had, but not for the person who was already anxiously waiting at the altar for you to walk in.
No. You wanted all that with the blond-haired girl that sat at the very back, with her hair neatly braided back and a few flowers adding a pop of color to her head. You almost wanted to chuckle when you saw she wasn’t wearing a dress. Ever since you were little kids and she’d started working around the castle, she’d begged your father to let her wear a pair of jeans instead of the skirts maids would wear. He hadn’t seen it as a huge deal and ever since he allowed her to do so, you’d never seen her in a skirt, ever, much less a dress. 
As you stood at the altar, you often looked for her in the crowd. Thankfully enough, she’d stayed with her eyes glued to the floor for most of the ceremony and hadn’t caught you staring, not once. Everything that followed seemed to happen so quickly you spaced out over most of it. It hurt, but Damiano’s reassuring smiles and just looking at Victoria gave you enough strength to keep the tears in.
You never thought that’s how your life would go, but you were thankful because at least she’d be safe. She’d have the chance to find someone else and fall in love one day. You only hoped that eventually, when many years had passed, Damiano would tell her all of the truth and maybe, just maybe, she’d find it in herself to forgive you for it all. 
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whateverthedragonswant ¡ 3 years ago
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Holy crap this episode was funny as hell until it wasn't and then we were plunged right back into the intensity. But great episode!!! I don't lb so I don't get spoilers but man I had a lot of reactions as I watched. Ngl, a lot of cursing and caps ahead but damn was this such a good episode:
“One minute before the blackout” - now we’re to 1 minute from 1 week last week
“The place where this heart’s from, it was a tragedy. But once we land, it’s gonna turn into a miracle, right?” “Yeah, I like that” -- so once we land and settle after all of this craziness, a tragedy will turn into a miracle? I like that *looking at you Eddie*
EDDIE GET OUT OF THAT CHOPPER RN, DO NOT DO THIS TO ME AFTER SEASON 4, DO NOT!!!
Bobby going in to save the heart, hmm...
Oh, thank God - Eddie, Hen, and Bobby are all safe
Dr. Salazar - we need more of her. I love her so much.
4 Days later - hmm...
Wow, they’re really bringing Harry to the forefront here, this whole kidnapping thing is going to happen isn't it?
Harry charging neighbors and Michael and David in a sort of co-parent situation - first of all, Harry you are a GENIUS and love that Michael and David with Harry are being focused on in this episode, ahem, is there possibly a reason...?
Lou survived!!!! THANK GOD
Nearly 5 days Lou was in hospital
5 day head start for Hudson - is there something with 1, 3, 4 and now 5? I'm keeping track here, Tim
Buck is the power czar LOL - omg I love this man so much
Ravi!!! We need MORE Ravi!!! but where is Albert???
CHIMNEY!!!!! OMG I LOVE YOU - "Give me a charger or Uncle Buck will never see his niece again" - "Give him a charger" - "Well played" - "Let this be a lesson, never give that man a clipboard" - "Excuse me for being efficient" - "That’s one word for what you are" - okay #1 I will forever be in love with Chimney, probably one of my top favorite characters on this show & #2 LOVE this whole brothers interaction, Albert may not be there but Buck and Chim are still going with the whole older-brother-is-exasperated-with-the-younger-brother's-shit vibe
Oh God, here comes more cringe, yay... not so much
Eddie kisses Ana on the cheek AGAIN (Eddie, can you hear me? This is your subconscious speaking, when are you going to end this, my man?)
Ana says going to visit was Christopher’s idea since he missed Eddie and thought he was hungry - muy interesante
Buck rushing over to greet Christopher and hugging him tight is a moment I live for - outside of the whole Buck and Eddie story, I LOVE this relationship with all of my heart, I am so glad Christopher has Buck, he really is his second dad (with or without Eddie being involved)
Eddie not introducing Ana to Ravi (nor Buck saying hi) - Buck’s expression - “You must be Eddie’s wife” Christopher: “Not yet” I FUCKING LOVE THIS KID, OKAY!!!! Buck’s smile, he loves Christopher, too - love how Ana and Eddie don't say anything to dispel or clarify this
SAME FUCKING TRIGGER AND THIS TIME BUCK SEES IT!!!! OMG (Eddie, this is your subconscious again, you need to listen! The universe and I are trying to tell you something, please before any more shit hits the fan like me having to watch more uncomfortable interactions between you and your placeholder friend!)
Eddie sending Ana and Christopher on a tour with Ravi IN THE DARK at his work place so he can put SALADS AWAY
Buck’s expressions the entire time - Buck knows something's up
Ana’s expressions the entire time - she KNOWS
Thank God Bobby wasn’t around - hear me out, I have a reason for this that I am still working on in this long ass meta
Buck makes sure to not make eye contact with Ana (except quickly when Ravi is waiting to be introduced), even when Ana laughs at his “Constantly”
Eddie being a probie when Shannon came back in season 2 (and Eddie pulled her into the locker room to talk) & Ana being left to tour the station house with Ravi aka Probie - hello parallels & contrasts, my old friend
“I don’t want these things to wilt” - interesting choice of wording there, Eddie (newsflash, it's already wilting, Eddie)
I almost feel a little bad for Ana here because she did do something nice and she gets the brushoff and some discomfort/embarrassment in return (I mean the woman brought three salads in the middle of a blackout that she most likely made herself, come on - I'm sure some people think salads are easy to make but to those of us in the inexperienced/uninitiated cooks' club, it's not that simple)
Lila dead - hmm...are we surprised? (Hudson didn't give a fig about her and what's sad is Lou would have saved her)
“I think she was smitten like those other fools. I think she saw him being led away in cuffs and she intervened on his behalf” - interesting line there, Athena...
I need more scenes with Athena and Elaine - I know Elaine is the captain and Athena is on her own with no partner but I gotta say I am enjoying this
Athena! Why are you not warning the survivors!!! I mean I get it but still!!!
OMG “He takes Christopher all the time, he’s got the place memorized” - BUCK LISTENED TO EDDIE IN 3x03 - OMG!!!
Oh Buck my poor baby, he knows what they’re walking into - I LOVE Hen’s line of “Just smile, Buck” and then Eddie and Chim both smile wide at him - OMG I AM LIVING FOR THESE SCENES WITH THE 118
“Welcome to the Jungle” - nice touch 911
OMG Buck you are cracking me up - no animals are getting past him
1 hawk or eagle or raptor maybe? I’m not good with bird species okay!!!
3 emus again
1 bird I have no idea what kind (wondering if that’s what we saw the back of last episode near the emus)
Giraffe again
3 wolves
3 camels
Elephant
“The animal makes a move, control it” - YOU GOT THIS BUCK (yes we are finally getting that scene we saw filmed!!!)
Buck’s expression when the camel runs by is KILLING ME 'yeah, that's right Camel, back up, back up, you don't want any of this, yeah that's right'
Stuffed animals in the souvenir store, interesting
2 for $5 sign - even more interesting
1 alpaca
I guess I kind of wonder why Hen didn’t become a vet at one point in her life? Like I’m glad she’s a first responder and about to be a doctor but damn she knows so much about animals, she’s like the 118’s resident animal expert, that’s my girl
“We were gonna get one” - um...what? Hen...
“I wouldn’t” LOL oh Bobby you slay me
Is it just me or do we hear ET almost type music in the background as Hen lays chips down for the alpaca? Bobby mentioning the Reese’s Pieces, the flashlight shining on the Alpaca when it steps into view...are we getting an ET reference?
“It’s calling its friend!” *another Alpaca appears through coats “Clever girl” - a Jurassic Park reference - It’s a fucking Steven Spielberg reference, holy shit!!!!
Okay so that scene was Eddie looking over at Bobby, got it, near the fire trucks
Oh Buck I love you so much “So you ran from an Alpaca?” “Two Alpacas and no one was running” - both Buck’s and Eddie’s faces and then laughter are freaking hilarious
Chimney: “After careful consideration, I have decided not to endorse this park” - OMG I have not stopped laughing for like five minutes straight, can you imagine a Jurassic Park AU for this team? - shot of T-rex above Ripley’s Believe It Or Not (nice one, 911)
Weird looking bird that I've never seen before and 2 emus and 2 vulture, 1 hawk/raptor bird, 1 rhino
May is awesome!!! And so are those neighbors!!!!
Eddie in the tank top!!! Buck with a clipboard!!!
“Hey are you sleeping or just pretending?” Buck is taking no prisoners today
Buck is trying to make sure he’s not having any symptoms, omg, seriously how do you not love this guy???? Eddie you better make an honest man out of him soon, I'm not sure how much longer I can take this
“You don’t give up, do you?” Oh Eddie you did not just say that, to Buck of all people, come on man (hello season 3 Eddie, my old friend)
Get him, Buck! Get him!
“Since when do you panic?” “That’s what I said, I don’t panic” Buck once again out there proving that he knows Eddie better than anyone else
Oh wow!!! Eddie came right out and said it “If I’m being honest with myself I think it was Ana”
And there it is folks “She’s been a constant through all of this, staying with Christopher”
“Somehow we became a ready made family and I don’t know if I’m ready for that” - wow, this is an excellent scene, he’s totally letting that wall down to talk candidly with Buck, nice - and him being stripped down to a tank top for this scene just reiterates that fact, he's baring some things
“I think I’m gonna stick it out. Ana’s the first woman I’ve wanted to spend this much time with since Shannon” - oh Eddie, you really need to shit or get off the pot my friend, this isn’t good for you, Christopher or Ana - how can you sentence all three of you to this? come on
“My kid loves her” but YOU DON'T - okay my heart is breaking, Eddie is making the same goddamn mistake all over again just like we predicted - Eddie please, what did Carla just say to you three episodes ago? Where the hell is Carla btw????
“Stick it out? That’s not the way you talk about someone you’re in love with” “That enough?” - thank you Buck, seriously THANK YOU
Okay my heart just broke again but for Buck this time “Eddie, I have been Ana” - aww =( I love my chaotic firefighter son with all of my heart
And of course Denial!Eddie aka repressed!Eddie are back, sigh - 5x03 has to be where it all comes to a head, it has to be, now even Buck is forcing him to face what he's trying so hard not to - word of advice Eddie, my repressed firefighter son, you can try to deny it mentally/emotionally all you want but it will come out one way or another, just like it's coming out in panic attack symptoms and anxiety - you have to end this, sweetie
And I think it’s very interesting that Eddie looks right at Buck during “If I’m being honest with myself” *looks away then right back at Buck* “I think it was Ana”, “staying with Christopher”, then right after “I don’t know if I’m ready for that”, “I think I’m gonna stick it out”, “Ana’s the first woman I’ve wanted to spend this much time with since Shannon” “My kid loves her”
OMG Eddie’s expression when Buck says “I know what it’s like to be in love with someone who’s not all the way in and deep down you know it and it hurts. It hurts worse than the truth” — RYAN WHERE IS YOUR GODDAMN EMMY??? If anyone ever doubted that Eddie was in love with Buck, there’s the freaking proof written all over Eddie’s face at Buck’s line!!! It’s not something he thinks he can have and it hurts
Okay seriously, Eddie saying “Ana’s the first woman I’ve wanted to spend this much time with Shannon” — VERY PURPOSEFUL MENTION OF A WOMAN HE’S WANTED TO SPEND TIME WITH, EDDIE PLEASE, CAN YOU HEAR ME!!!!
Then they go right to Chim calling Maddie, uh huh, I see you 911
I really love Hen’s full support of Maddie btw & I love how Chim is able to talk to Hen about it all
Oh no!!! Maddie please don’t fall asleep!!!
Oh thank God!!!! It’s going to be okay, Maddie, you got her, it’s going to be okay - I seriously want to give my girl a hug and tell her it's going to be okay
Omg Jee-Yun is so cute!!!
Day 4 or day 5 hmmm - I'm still keeping track, Tim
“Why is it every time the world ends, it ends some more?” “It just keeps us on our toes” “More like knocks us on our asses” - Universe is that you?
Awww Bobby just called Athena “baby” <3 I'm not crying, you're crying
YES more Athena and Elaine
Lou is awake!!!!
Awww Lou =( I may or may not be ugly crying rn
I cannot tell you how relieved I am that Lou is alive
Oh God!!!! Athena get the cops there now!!!!
Yeah you should have let Harry charge them Michael lol, of course they were there to just use the generator power (though I love and appreciate the contrast they gave us in the neighbors who helped the boy with the ventilator so we know not all people take advantage)
OH NO GET AWAY FROM HARRY YOU BASTARD!!!!
On a side note, it’s nice to see more Michael and David but at what cost, Tim? Can we please get more of them and especially David in a more lighthearted episode for crying out loud? Is that too much to ask???
Go Bobby!!!!
Good for you, Athena!!!
Omg this is practically Athena’s nightmare come to life, shit
Omg Hudson unplugged the goddamn generator, THAT FUCKING ASSHOLE!!!
HARRY!!!!!!
I’M SORRY BUT ARE YOU TELLING ME THERE’S NO BOLO WITH A PICTURE ON THIS GUY?!!? - oh right, no power, but STILL
Okay that was super intense, I really hope Athena is the one to take Hudson down, just like Bobby said
I have a few more rewatches to do before breaking things down but damn, I think I need a drink after that one.
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sweetiepie08 ¡ 4 years ago
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Rebel Z (Chapter 10 Final)
nvader Zim fanfic
While analyzing Zim’s PAK for weaknesses, Tak discovers strange coding that sends her on a search for answers. The clues lead her to uncover a conspiracy that governs all of Irken society. When the truth sends her on the run, she has no choice but to return to the one place the Tallest would never willingly go: Urth.
Meanwhile, Dib has noticed odd changes in Zim’s behavior. Has the invader simply grown bored of his mission over the last few years, or is there something more interesting going on?
People who asked to be tagged: @incorrect-invader-zim , @messinwitheddie, @reblogstupids, @cate-r-gunn
If anyone else would like to be added to the tag list please let me know.
Chapter 1. Chapter 2. Chapter 3. Chapter 4. Chapter 5. Chapter 6. Chapter 7. Chapter 8. Chapter 9. Chapter 10. 
Thank you for reading! I do plan to continue the story in a sequel fic, but I may take a short hiatus first. I hope you enjoyed this!
Be on the lookout for the next book in the series, RevolutionZ! In which Zim and Tak attempt to join the Resisty and gain new companions! Dib fills his gap year by joining an alien rebellion! Gaz gets dragged in too! And what happened to Zim in Death Melee is explained! 
However, I will most likely only be posting links to Ao3 than full chapters to Tumblr. Again, Thank you everyone for reading!
[-]
“So, what exactly the fuck was all that stuff with the punch about?” Dib asked once they were a comfortable distance away form the Massive.
Zim glared straight ahead at the stars. “It’s nothing that concerns you, human.”
“Bullshit!” Dib slammed his hand down on the control panel. “Your little stunt could have gotten us killed. Out with it!”
Zim gritted his teeth and gripped the steering mechanism until his knuckles quaked. Dib braced himself for the inevitable screaming denial. Instead, Zim let out a pained sigh. “Fine, if you must know, I figured out three Urth years ago that my mission was a sham and my leaders were trying to have me killed, so I took revenge. Happy?”
“We know all that,” Tak snapped. “And anyway, I told you your mission was a lie a long time ago. What I want to know is how you managed to betray the Tallest without your treasonous thoughts setting of your life clock.”
“Yeah, and who’s Spek?” Dib added.
“You wish to hear Zim’s tale of woe?” He clenched his fist and heaved out another sigh. “Fine. Three Urth years ago, the Tallest contacted me, telling me they selected me to participate in Death Melee, an inter-galactic event that all would be watching.”
“The one where they throw criminals on a planet together to fight to the death?” Tak deadpanned. “That was your first clue?”
“They told me the rules had changed and it was now a contest of elite warriors. For my partner, they gave me a Spek, a smeet just shy of his cadet years. He hadn’t even seen his first cycle yet…” Zim’s fists shook as he cut himself off.
“Since you’re still alive, I’m assuming you won,” Dib said.
“Yes, but…” his gaze fell to the floor. “Yes. Anyway, throughout the Melee, it became clear to me that the Tallest lied. This was still a game for criminals, but Spek…” Zim narrowed his haunted eyes, “he was only there to lessen my chances.”
Dib watched, mesmerized. He thought he’d seen the many moods of Zim. He’d seen everything from proud boasting, to spiteful rage, to pathetic schmooping. But this, this was something else entirely, something he never expected to see from the alien. True remorse.  
“On my journey back to Urth,” he continued, “I had too much time to think and when made it back to m base, I was done with all of it.” Rage grew in his voice with every word. “I knew they lied. I knew they’d been lying. For a moment, I thought, if they didn’t want my genius, maybe someone else would. And that thought was enough to set off my life clock. Instead of simply ripping out my feedback chip, I infected it with a virus that sends the Control Brains a loop of my Urth memories, preventing it from receiving new thoughts and experiences.” A bitter, satisfied smile came to his face. “As far as I can tell, it hadn’t noticed anything was off until now.”
“And the machines I saw you building?” Dib pressed.
Zim drew himself up. “I have a contract with the Resisity. I build them machines, they appreciate my genius and send me monies.”
“And that’s what you’ve been doing for three years?” Dib asked, voice sripping with skepticism.
Zim nodded and said nothing more.
Dib stared at him, trying to get a read on this whole tale. He wasn’t sure what to believe. Zim’s reason for existence seamed to be pleasing his Tallest. The little green monster talked of nothing else since arriving on Urth. He couldn’t imagine Zim wanting anything else and he’d fallen for the schmoopy act before. But this was not schmoop. It was too subtle, too quiet. And that betrayal of his Tallest couldn’t be denied. Something had truly changed.
Dib looked to Tak to gauge her opinion, but her face revealed nothing except careful calculation.
“I’d heard the Resisty had been growing and gaining power,” she mused. “New technology granted them upsetting victories and made them more of a problem than they once were. They could be the key. We need to fight if we ever want a chance of defeating the Control Brains and freeing our people, and for that, we’ll need an army. With your connection and my information, we could pose a real threat to the Empire.”
Dib expected Zim to launch into another tirade about how he wasn’t in it for the politics. That this was all a personal mission and he had no interest in going rogue. That did not happen.
Instead, Zim said nothing for a long time. He simply stared through the windshield in tense silence. But then, a grin grew slowly on his face. “I’m in.”
[-]
When they made it back to Earth, they found that Gaz made use of MiMi and Mini Mouse as gaming companions, Dad bought her excuse that Dib was hanging out at Zim’s house, and that he hadn’t even stopped home long enough to notice the two additional robots in the living room.
Dib went straight to his room and laid out all of his recording devices. He had the notes he took the night Zim and Tak rambled drunkenly on the couch. He had the audio recording of the old man Irken that he couldn’t wait to translate. And he had the spy camera he’d been wearing to capture the whole experience. He never got so much undeniable proof on one mission before, and no one, to his knowledge, had this much evidence of this quality ever. He’d be king of the Swollen Eyeball network if he showed even a fraction of…
His eyes drifted to the Swollen Eyeball emblem pinned to his bulletin board and he let out a sigh. The Swollen Eyeball… what a joke. They’d been reduced to a bunch of anti-science conspiracy nuts. The organization became a competition to see who could shout their wildest theory the loudest. What were they compared to a real evil alien empire, a real soul-sucking, Lovecraftian horror, and a real space alien rebellion?
No. This was bigger than some crack-pot conspiracy group. This rebellion universe-shattering consequences. And he was going to be part of it.
[-]
Out in his ship, Zim stared at his PAK connector with warry eyes. He wasn’t sure what held him back now. His stunt on the Massive already solidified his traitor status, but this felt different, more official. It was one thing to enact vengeance on those who betrayed him. It was quite another to completely detach himself from society.
He’d been unwaveringly loyal to the Empire since his conception, but they didn’t want him. He’d seen that years ago. So what was he waiting for?
He disconnected the PAK from his back and ignored the lifeclock in the corner of his eye as he plugged it in. He opened the hatch, clicked a pair of tweezers in his fingers, then reached them toward his feedback chip.
At a light tug, his computer’s voice gave an automated warning.
You are attempting to remove the feedback chip. Doing so is an act of treason against the Irken Empire. Are you sure you want to proceed?
Zim closed his eyes and pulled the chip free.
[-]
Tak’s footsteps echoed as she walked across the concrete garage floor. MiMi’s metallic feet clacked beside her. Apart from that, the room was silent. She was used to silence. One grows accustomed to it when traveling alone through space. But these last few days had been anything but. And with Zim as her dubious ally, silent moments like this were certain to be few and far between.
And yet, this moment, she felt the need to fill it with something.
She popped open the windshield of her ship and hopped inside. “MiMi, my disc please.” Mimi reached into her head and took out the Urth data storage disc. Zim wasn’t the only one with a secret stash.
Tak took the disc from Mimi and placed it in a tray on the ship’s control panel. “Ship, track six please.” As she hopped out, music began to play. Smooth, jazzy horns filled the air and the singer began crooning.
Maybe this time, I’ll be lucky. Maybe this time he’ll stay…
The song was from an Urth performance art piece. The vocalist sang about some male mate. That part didn’t interest Tak in the slightest. Still, there was something about it...
Not a loser anymore, like the last time and the time before…
The song continued to play as Tak opened the engine access panel and began her work. While manipulating the many gears and wires, she found a few interesting repair methods that the human implemented over the years. Many employed the use of an Urth bonding strip called “duct tape”, which she had to admit came in handy. The human didn’t do a bad job, even if it was pretty slap-dash.
All the odds are in my favor, something’s bound to begin…
She finally untangled a mess of wires and reconnected them.
It’s gotta happen, happen sometime…
She fused together the final wire and the ship hummed to life. Fuel Regulation Systems online.
Tak smiled, “Okay Mimi, looks like we’re finally getting somewhere.” She ducked back into the access panel as the song his its crescendo.
Maybe this time I’ll win.
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hes-writer ¡ 5 years ago
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Better Half
Summary: Y/N has a bun in the oven and Harry’s not up for it
Warnings: angst
Word Count: 1710 words
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Being a couple for over three years definitely makes you realize how much one can grow as a person. Harry and Y/N were no exception. 
She was in university when they first met—him being invited to a house party while she had just finished her exams for the term. He was the star of the night—famous, popular Mr. Harry Styles dresses in casual Gucci from head to toe, yet his appearance never caved with his personality. He was the sweetest of the bunch–the life of the party. He made horrible jokes that still managed to plant a smile on everyone’s faces. The stress of school and degrees disappearing from undergraduates’ faces because of him and for a moment; they forgot that he wasn't one of them. He was a famous pop star–a rock icon that has not stepped foot in the chilly great walls of large universities that sucked endless amounts of money from mere students. 
It wasn’t a bad thing, per say, he just went a different direction with his life. Instead of spending his teens being tormented by pressure of having dates during school dances, Harry was out having late nights at the studio to delve into a new song to write. Unlike Y/N who almost chewed the ends of her hair off studying for her Chemistry test one night, Harry was out walking a red carpet premiere for the VMA’s. 
But none of that mattered—especially when Harry approached Y/N at the corner of the room, drinking her own mix of liquor that was enough to get her tipsy. The leather couch was soft but the exterior was cracking. He sat down beside her with his legs spread wide to which she glared at him for—not realizing who he was. But it shouldn’t matter anyway. She wasn’t going to put him on a pedestal. 
They got to talking. The ambiance of the party root too intense for them so Harry and Y/N separated themselves from the crowd. He spoke passionately about his job—the pressure, his influence, touring—everything that he has had the pleasure of experiencing in his short years of life. Y/N spilled her struggles getting into graduate school with a GPA that was on the brink of disappointment—how she spent her last semester as an undergraduate scavenging for extra credit and work experience to satisfy what her grades couldn’t. She was smart—Harry told her. And indeed she was, school just wasn’t measuring it the way it was meant to. 
By the end of the night, they had shared information about each other more than either of them have to another person. Real feelings projecting themselves from their deepest parts, being spilled to a near stranger. Their emotions being validated by one another. The more things change, the more they stay the same. And maybe Y/N’s problems were very dissimilar to Harry’s—but nobody can deny that the obstacles they faced made them who they are today. 
---
If anything, Y/N would probably credit Harry for everything that has happened in the past years of her life. He was there for her—through thick and thin, sickness and in health—and it almost seemed that they were to be wed. 
Except, one thing happened that she didn't expect. 
---
“What's this?” Harry whispered, eyes set stoned on the pink pregnancy test he clutched between his fingers. 
Y/N looked at him fearfully, voice shaking while she answered, “It’s a pregnancy test, Har.”
She gulped the lump in her throat when he didn't respond for a solid few seconds. His eyes twitching ever so often from her to the device—mouth forming words around nothing that would come out of him. 
“I-it’s—”
“It's positive, yeah,” Y/N interrupted. “We’re having a baby,” She gently concluded seeing as though he seemed a little shook at the moment. 
His neck snapped up to make his head meet her eyes. He was drawing holes through her skull as he stared at him with an intense look in his gaze—this was not good. He pursed his lips, allowing a moment of acceptance (and denial) to overflow his brain. Harry’s heart was pounding to an extreme and his throat felt dry despite downing a glass of water. 
“You're pregnant,” He enunciated, staring at her middle section. He scanned her figure to see any changes due to pregnancy and indeed–he found some. 
Y/N nodded in response, palms clutching her belly softly. She blinked effortlessly at him since he hadn't responded to the news after all. 
“H?” She questioned, stepping closer to touch his arm. He moved away, feet declining a couple of steps. 
“No, that can't be—we were careful!” He retorted. Nimble fingers pulled on the hair of his scalp, making the silky locks cause pain on his head. “This is not happening,” He whispered breathily. 
This absolutely cannot be happening right now. 
He sat himself on the couch, knees spread wide apart with his head in his hands. His life was flashing before his eyes. 
Y/N felt chills breeze through her body from the sudden gust of wind, or Harry’s reaction—she didn't know. She was much too preoccupied with handling the situation at hand. What did he mean ‘this is not happening’? Did he not want it?
She didn't have to wait for an answer for long. 
“It's not mine, is it?” 
Y/N gaped at him in shock, “Of course it is!” She couldn't believe that he would accuse her of something like this. Yet, as she made eye contact with him—she couldn't help but be persuaded that he did not back up his relentless denial; he was afraid of change. 
“If you say so,” he shrugged casually as if his words didn't just snap her heart in two. 
---
He was too young, Harry said. He was at the peak of his career—his second album was on its way to be released and he would be too busy afterwards. Tour, promos, premiers—he was to do every bit of those while raising a child? It just wasn't possible. 
He was a busy man and a huge change like this would only damage everything he had worked so hard for. He could imagine the headline “Father at twenty-five” and his ego couldn't handle the criticism he would receive. 
Harry was not ready to take on such a responsibility. He was afraid of the unknown and he knew his mother tirelessly paved a way for his younger self to thrive in, but Harry wasn't sure f he could provide the same nurturing element in his child’s life. He was away half of the time—it wouldn't be good anyway. 
He would be living in FaceTime because he would be on the other side of the world. He would have to live with the pain of missing their child’s birthday—their first steps, words; everything. 
“That's it?” Y/N pried, “That's your excuse?”
He nodded, said that he could provide the money and financial stability if they needed it. But he couldn't account himself to be more than just a provider for. 
And Harry was shooting up all these excuses to avoid what was to happen, not taking into account the two-fold experience of fear that Y/N must be going through. 
“You can keep it if you want,” 
To which Y/N looked at him, disgusted. 
“Of course, I’ll keep it.”
“That's not what I meant,” Harry would never push Y/N to get an abortion, but he wouldn't force her to keep the baby if she didn't want it either. 
It was her body— her choice and Harry was completely supportive of that notion. Of course, he preferred that she keep the child and raise it the way it deserves to be, but he has no say in this case. 
---
Y/N tried to understand. Really, she did. But no matter how much she tried, her mind couldn't wrap around the fact that Harry flat-out crushed her future dreams. They were supposed to get married and have a family some day. Sure, it didn't go chronologically but she truly believed in the promises they made to each other. 
“What happened to that?” She asked. 
He only shook his head knowingly. Y/N was smart and she knew what it all meant. If he couldn't stick around because of the child in her, then there was no way that he would stay around for long. 
He wouldn't understand—however—the daily fears creeping up at the back of mind. How was she supposed to do this alone? She knows that her family would be around to help but knowing that the love of her life wouldn’t be around to watch their child grow into a beautiful human being strikes her to the very core. 
——
As Y/N bid goodbye to Harry at the chilling hours of the morning at the airport, she did her best to push tears back to her eyes, seeing as though she felt as if she lost a part of her that she needed to keep standing. He walked away—looking back once with sad eyes—ripping and shredding pieces of Y/N’s heart along with him. She palmed the growing bump in her belly—pounding slightly as if it had its own heartbeat but really, it was only hers that punctuated itself to the point of reverberation because she was so frightened of the future. 
Albeit she was a little angry at him for leaving on the day of her ultrasound, Y/N let her nerves overpower her emotions for him. She wasn’t going to let Harry’s weeping excuse of fatherhood interrupt her aspirations of being a mother that was always there for her children, regardless of whether they were born or not. Her knees jostled against each other from her uncontrollable trembling, jaw rapidly closing and shutting as her teeth gritted together as she waited for the results. 
And there it was, about the size of a grain of rice—her little baby. 
-------------
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youarejesting ¡ 4 years ago
Text
Femme: 46
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Pairing: BTS - OT7 x Reader, GDragon x Bigbang, Erik Nam, Hyuna x Dawn, Black Pink x Female oc, TXT x robot oc, Got7 x Female oc Rating: Mature Length: 3.3k Warnings: impreg kink, preg kink, three some, orgy, scent kink, masturbation, public masturbation? (in a bathroom stall), oral (F & M receiving), orgasm denial, butt plug, vibrating couples cock rings, leisurely blow job, voyeurism , exhibitionism, mishap with water breaking, Yoongi music producer & baby inducer, cock cages, little bit of dirty talk, little bit of Dom/Sub but nothing serious, Jungkook cries but like because he wants to cum. Big dick joon Announcement: WE ARE BACK!!! NEW CHAPTER! Smut Beta: @taetaewonderland​ Beta: I was dumb and posted before it was finished bing read. I am face palming.
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Recap: Your Femme Diaries Channel had been such a success you started a reality TV show from home. Yoongi helps Kyungju deal with girl troubles after a girl stole his milk at school. Hoseok takes Huimang to visit his parents which gives you time to yourself. Taking the Van for a drive you get pulled over for speeding when you vomit on the officer’s shoes, you are taken into the police station suspected of being drunk. Namjoon who was at the station working on a case notices you in the cell and comes to your rescue. You find out you are having a girl and Namjoon is excited. Yoongi avoids you not wanting to be the one to induce the labor again, they all place bets on whether he will or not. 
For your honeymoon, Yoongi gets his payback. Kim Mirae is born. Kyungju finishes first grade. The BTS & BigBang families go on tour. Eric and TXT go to university and the GOT7 boys finally are accepted for a Femme. The Frozen Spoon has two stores with more planned. The BlackPink girls got their Degree’s three of them joining the Femme project, one of which found matches immediately, and the fourth applied for their own Femme.
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You were sitting on the front porch resting the tour had gone so well you were working on so many little things a Femme diaries book, that could be translated into every language so woman and men from every country had a sort of manual. There was an app where you could access everything and search topics and be lead to your videos or forums if it was topics you hadn’t covered in videos. 
 The boys were working really hard in their jobs Namjoon as his work was case based spent the most time at home beside Yoongi who worked from home and rarely left his studio. 
The boys had grown up a little each nearing their mid thirties as were you and they aged like a fine wine. Seokjin had experimented with different beards over the two years after the tour. 
Kyungju was eight years old and a music producer like his father, he looked so much like him but he smiled more which warmed his father's heart. Jeongsan was now seven years old and was in love with music as well not exactly the producing process but the listening he had a few troubles like issues with certain smells but also auditory trouble he hated when it got quiet. He learnt how to play Basketball from Yoongi and was on a team though his team was yet to play a real match.
Jae hwan and Jae Eun were two rascals, at age four they both got up to mischief and knew how to play their parents like puppets well all of them except Yoongi. He wasn’t fooled by no one. They were surprisingly humble despite the luxury brands their father bought them. They actually preferred the cheaper brands that had their favorite cartoon characters on them much to their fathers dismay. They hated getting their photos taken as they wanted to be like their older brother Kyungju.
Huimang hit three and three quarters running. He was constantly nagging his older brothers and Jae Eun to play with him. He was happy to do anything, listen to music with Kyungju, Basketball with Jeongsan. He liked to play in the backyard with the twins when they would play fair, that is the two were a unit and used it against the others. But he was also happy with his younger sister watching cartoons.
Mirae was three years old just getting out of her terrible twos and a testament to the break you deserved after having six kids. She was a messy child, and loved to dig up the flowers in your garden much to your dismay. She had a love for fruit and when her daddy jimin would dance with her in his arms around the lounge room. There was so much happening you were happy if you didn’t have any more children. 
That was until one day you heard Seokjin confess that he wanted to have a chance to be a dad. He didn’t know you had heard him and you pondered on these thoughts on the back porch in the morning sun. He had been drunk when he spoke these words and you knew he wouldn’t say something like that out of the blue without thinking it over thoroughly. He was getting older and the oldest out of the family dynamic and you frowned.
You would be happy to make his dream come true but this was a family and you thought it would be best to bring it up with everyone to get their opinions. You knew Yoongi was against having any more children he was already run ragged by the half dozen you had already.
You walked across the house passing Namjoon watching his Ryan from the cartoon Kakao with Mirae and Huimang. Kissing each of their heads as you passed frowning when you got to Mirae. “Baby you have Jam in your hair” Namjoon turned and laughed assuring you he would have them bathed and dressed before their day nap. You sighed, everyone was at work but you had asked for the day off as you wanted to process your thoughts.
You reached the in-home studio and rang the small doorbell and the door opened to show a tired Yoongi, he was growing a small amount of stubble on his chin. Which made him look more mature and made you heart swell at the thought of all your years together. 
“Is something wrong, Kitten?” He raised an eyebrow letting you into his studio. Bringing your hand up to his cheek and pressing a kiss to his lips. He hummed his voice seemed impossibly low as if as he aged it got richer. He sat with you on the couch and you bit your lip and sighed.
“I wanted to ask you something?” You said softly running your hand over his chest massaging the muscles across his chest. It was actually a tip you heard from Hoseok, that chest massages were great for proud creatures like cats and the two of you loved to give him these little chest massages because they made him feel at ease.
“Mmm… What do you want to ask?” He hummed, laying his head in your lap letting your hands wander over his clothed chest and work the muscles under your thumbs.
“Seokjin was drunk the other day and he said something that stuck with me”
“What did he say this time?” He opened his eyes checking you weren’t upset by something the eldest had said while in a drunken stupor. “I can hit him for you?”
“No, It wasn’t bad. It is just, he is getting old and he wants what all of you boys got, I am sure Jimin feels the same way. He wants to be a dad” You whispered and felt the tension increase in Yoongi’s chest.
“Tell him he can have Kyungju” Yoongi sighed
“Don’t you dare even joke that you want to give away your son, Yoongi” You breathed and he sighed “You love him so much all of you love your children just as you love the other children. I know you would turn the world upside down for any of those babies”
“But they all are toilet trained now and you want to start again!” he whined
“Look Yoongi, I am not going to do it unless everyone is on board, so I am not telling you we are having another, I am asking you if you will let Jimin and Jin have their own flesh and blood children they will love like you love your son” You sighed “Please just tell me you will  consider this for Jin and Jimin”
“Fine I will think about it” He sighed seemingly softer.” He laid there and hummed “I do miss you all swollen he turned to your stomach which was soft. You were thankful to Jungkook for helping you remove the baby weight but there was a certain softness that wouldn’t go away. 
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Yoongi sighed sitting at the dinner table about one week later looking around at the big family he had that made his heart warm and looked at you as you Jeongsan cut his food. “Okay, I think I could be happy with two more” He smiled softly.
“Well why didn’t you say so” Seokjin grinned and placed some of his food from his own plate onto Yoongi’s. Making Yoongi sigh happily, Why had he ever thought to deny this man from having his own child.
Jimin was currently grinning at the two youngest making them giggle as he made funny noises with Jungkook trying to get the two to eat their veggies. Yoongi let his hand fall onto Jimin’s Thigh and gave it a squeeze in approval, Jimin wasn’t phased but seemed content with the physical affection.
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You asked each of them individually and they agreed Namjoon seemed the most excited. So leading Seokjin and Jimin to the shower you were ready to break the news to them. As the words escaped your mouth the two started cheering, hugging you with everything they had. They paused looking at one another and Seokjin said “May the best man win”
Jimin who was in front of you pressed you against Seokjin, pushing the two of you backward until his hyung hit the wall. Seokjin pinned between you and the wall and you pinned between Seokjin and Jimin the former groaned, his growing erection pressing against your back.
Nipping at your bottom lip, Jimin’s tongue found its way into your mouth. He pulled away from the kiss to look you in the eye and you noticed the acquiescent look within them. You raised an eyebrow at Jimin wondering why he looked like he was giving Mirae his ice cream when she dropped hers. 
Jimin was selfless and it wasn’t hard to figure out what it meant. Grabbing his face in your hands you kissed him trying to show him how much you loved him. The kiss was wet from the warm water raining over the three of you. Your lips slipped from his and slid down to his jaw along the length of his neck and you kissed his chest over the strong beat of his heart.
Lifting you to wrap your legs around him, Jimin reached behind you to secure Seokjin’s cock in his hand, giving it a few pumps, before positioning his hyung at your entrance.
“There is no competition Hyung. You have waited the longest. I want you to have a baby first” Jimin smiled over your shoulder and lowered you until you were stuffed full. Jimin pressed his smooth chest against yours pressing his lips to Seokjin’s over your shoulder. “I will help you get a baby Hyung”
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It wasn't instant. You had spent six months trying before you made an appointment at the fertility clinic and they did a few quick initial tests and the first test was a simple pregnancy test just to check and it came back positive which made your head spin. You made an appointment to follow up and make sure everything was going okay as the time progressed.
You didn’t want to let anyone know just yet as you always wanted to make sure that you had passed the dangerous time frame. So you spent your time relaxing and working, Seokjin was under the impression that in three months you were going to get artificially inseminated but you hadn’t told him that you were already pregnant.
It was the Hotel Christmas party and you all went along and Jimin seemed to notice you switching your alcoholic drinks for water and juice. The way you shifted in your seat rubbing your back and taking slow breaths when they placed a particularly smelly dinner. “Hey Princess can you help me with my jacket there is a thread that is digging into my neck and I want to get some fresh air”
You nodded thankful for his keen eyes, the table turned to see you leave some of them grinning thinking you two had run off to canoodle in the bathroom. The bathroom was a god sent, the clean scent of soap was what you needed to get rid of the rancid fish smell from the dinner. Jimin rubbed your back and grinned at you from the mirror.
“You are pregnant aren’t you princess?” You noticed the strange look in his eyes, his pupils dilated and lips wet from his eager tongue. He shifted on his feet and your eyes fell to the tent in his dress pants. Eyes flickering back to his where he was smirking and he stepped forward, hands slipping around your waist palms sliding affectionately over your soft tummy and up to your currently swollen breasts. “They are tender, aren’t they?”
“Yes” You whined as he massaged and played with them sadistically loving to see you whine and cry out. He didn’t want to hurt you but he liked to push you close to the border of pleasure or pain. He had taken a few steps over the line with your consent and it was some of the best pleasure you had ever experienced. 
He took your hand pulling you into a stall where he closed the toilet seat and sat down lifting your dress over his head. His forehead gently pressed against your stomach, his nose pressed to your heated core. He unfastened his belt and you heard the clatter of the buckle and the pull of the zip and he was busy pumping himself in his hand fiercely, his hot breath hitting your rapidly soaking your panties.
“You are so sexy full of hyungs baby” He breathed, you were holding the walls of the stall, his hand pressed to the small of your back so he could press himself closer to you. You felt the vibrations of his moan through his nose; his mouth fell open as he cried out against you.
He cleaned himself up and gingerly exited from under your dress his cheeks flushed red with embarrassment. You grinned kissing him happily.
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It seemed Jimin’s pregnancy kink was insatiable. He liked the way your scent changed when you were pregnant. Jungkook also noticed and approached you one afternoon. Between Jimin and Jungkook you were kept busy, truly appreciating when they would do things for you like; massaging your feet or massaging you in general while they helped each other with their own desires.
Hoseok noticed next as usual, Kyungju called you out after him which surprised you but it seemed your son knew your cues of pregnancy as he had watched you with all his younger siblings. “You were given the all clear Seokjin was ready driving you in the van to the fertility clinic nervous, but when you were given the ultrasound and he saw the baby he got quiet”
“You are pregnant” He seemed sad you didn’t understand what the issue was until he asked the doctor.
“Have you done the paternity test with our DNA samples.
“Yes, You are Kim Seokjin, correct?” Seokjin nodded and he smiled “You are the father congratulations”
“When I came in for the initial appointment I was pregnant with a baby and you were the only one I was with, the other boys were abstaining” You breathed as his hand fell on top your belly rubbing the tiny bump. “I wanted to wait until the baby wasn’t in the danger stage. I would have hated telling you and then losing the baby. You would have been so upset my love”
You saw the way his lips were contorting in a weird purse that he did when he was trying to hold back his laughter but as the watery look in his eyes overflowed into a river of tears and he couldn’t hold back the cry as he hugged you telling you he loved you. It was after his five minute break down that he sniffed and playfully asked.
“Am I still handsome when I cry Darling?”
“The most handsome, my love” You chuckled kissing his red tipped nose and he laughed.
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You went to see the TXT boy’s they had just finished their degrees and you were going to surprise them at their graduation ceremony. They were all going into their fields together and finally applied for a Femme, After being rejected over five times they were approached by Femme bot, Femme industries was the umbrella company and their bots were to provide companion ship for those who are eligible for a Femme.
The boys were hesitant and decided to wait because they didn’t know how to feel about a robot being their destined partner.
You were four months pregnant and going on tour accompanied by the TXT boys who had worked on their own careers. They had taken courses in university that enhanced the quality of their content on social media platforms. 
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You were filming the tour as you were doing a movie about your lives where you recreated some scenes. So here you were in a pod once more on set in a hospital gown. You recreated the scenes and grinned and you then had a replica of your apartment, everyone was trying to recreate the nervousness you had felt when you were all so young. It was cute seeing everyone all dressed in their old style clothes and their hair and beards cut and trimmed until they looked like their old selves and you were given a wig and a little bit of makeup as well. 
Between recreated scenes were scenes from your videos that you had made all those years ago and also some behind the scenes interviews where you all sat on a couch and explained what you had thought and felt at the time. It was absolutely adorable talking about how little and shy they were and hearing them talk about you as well.
It was when everyone was packing up for the night, Taehyung grabbed
your hand and dragged you from the dressing room and through the sets until he arrived at the first set and opened the pod and you threw your head back and laughed realizing what he wanted to do.
He pressed his large palm to your mouth and shushed you. With a growl he commanded you to get into the pod and he climbed in with you. It was tight, there was no room for movement so he was quick to lower you onto his thick dick before laying you against him and closing the lid behind you.
You were laying against him as he kissed you slowly and he was barely able to move his hips pressed against your A-spot. He was able to just gently rub the head of his cock against it repeatedly causing you static-like pleasure to buzz through your tummy and thighs.
He was moaning in your ear about how sexy you were. His hand wedges between you, his thumb rubbing your clit, loving how you twitched and tightened around him. The pod started to get sweaty and you were feeling absolutely euphoric as he stimulated the deepest parts of you.
After some serious grinding deep inside you he came, bursting like a water balloon painting your walls he made you cum hard and you cried out against his chest your orgasm was powerful. 
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You were six months now and the filming was over but you were going straight into another tour. You were happy as the tour began. You announced you were pregnant and the older of your children joined you on some of your stages and had a few funny words. Huimang and Jeongsan did a little dance performance and the crowd were cooing at how cute they were. 
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By the time you were settled back home after the tour, you were back to managing the Frozen Spoon. Your body remembered pregnancy well as you seemed to have had every symptom in the book. Perhaps you were stronger now with all the work you had been doing over the years with Jungkook.
Because you made it to full term and were now a few days over. That is how they found you dancing in the living room trying to get things moving. “I want this baby to come out, I am hot and my stomach is huge. If it grows anymore I am going to bust at the seems”
“Let’s try Yoongi,” Hoseok grinned, walking you to the in-home studio and they barged in, Hoseok’s hands on your shoulders waddling you through the doorway until you were in the middle of the room. 
“No, No, No!” He said falling out of his chair and backing up on his bottom across the floor until he hit the wall. “Get her out of here, I have precious equipment”
“Come on, Yoongi, I am overdue and I want freedom” You rubbed your belly “I am so fat and I want to have the baby soon and inducing labour is the most painful thing in the world”
“You wouldn’t know you have never been induced” He sighed waving his hands around “Alright back out of the studio slowly and I will help you. Just for god sakes not in here”
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You were laying in the huge lounge propped up against Hoseok’s chest and he laughed at Yoongi’s mock reluctance. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to,” Jimin said, licking his lips and taking small steps forward. 
“Sit” Yoongi commanded him and he lowered himself onto his knees, you hummed at the interaction between the two. He looks at you with a sense of hesitancy and leans in to give you a slow kiss. 
You grab him by the hair and tried to coax his confidence out, it eventually works and he is ravishing your mouth. His tongue and teeth abusing your soft petal pink lips. He pulled back and got to work removing you overalls. It seemed you couldn’t stand having anything around your hips or waist so you had practically lived in long baggy overalls for the past month or two. 
Jimin was hard watching Yoongi caress your belly and thighs, they all sat watching anticipating. Hoseok held your hands in his intertwining your fingers and holding them out from your body. 
Taehyung and Jungkook who had been sitting on Seokjin and Namjoon respectively started to squirm in their laps. Grinding their asses against their Hyungs looking for relief. The two older males finding themselves gently caressing their younger counterparts over their pants. 
Jimin turned hearing the tenor moans and cries behind him and the soft sweet sound you were making, he was conflicted of where he should look whilst simultaneously feeling left out. 
He ran around to your other side so he only had to look in one direction to see everyone but that didn’t help him feel untouched. 
Yoongi and Hoseok’s eyes were wandering similarly. They would travel along the expanse of your body then on towards Jimin who was rocking his hips against the air, his pants straining more with each passing second. They would then flicker their gaze to the rest of the maknae line who were turning so soft. Yoongi leaned down between your legs, his eyes connecting to Jimin’s and giving him a gummy grin. He didn’t dare look away from Jimin, Because he knew how much the young man loved his eye contact in the bedroom. Jimin was such a sensual creature he didn’t need to be touched to feel and experience pleasure. Sometimes he got off just by watching.
So Yoongi held his gaze and with every swipe of his tongue Jimin would keen for him and the room would grow heavier with the weight of Jimin’s sexual desires. Hoseok took your joined hands and placed them against Jimin’s crouch causing him to thrust his hips forward into your conjoined hands and let out an aching cry. 
When Jimin looked away and down at his crotch, Yoongi stopped making you whine and Jimin looked up at you to see what he had missed. You were looking down at Yoongi and Jimin’s eyes followed yours until they locked onto Yoongi’s once more and the pale producer got back to work.
You were ready to come but nothing with Yoongi came easy. He kept getting you right to the edge but never letting you over completely. Hoseok had removed Jimin from his pants and was using your tangled hands to provide him with the necessary friction. 
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Jungkook was effectively distracted by Namjoon’s big hand wrapped around his cock. A Thick butt plug nestled between his cheeks. “You like this Baby boy? You like it when your hyung takes care of you?” 
“Ah yes” he said, receiving a firm squeeze, his head spinning at the tight feeling. He seemed to realize his mistake “Yes sir”
“Look how much you are leaking, what would everyone say if they knew how much this turned you on?” He said harshly, running the flat of his palm against the head of Jungkook’s penis, the boy cried and squirmed harder against Namjoon’s length.
“You can’t come unless I say you can?” He said and continued pumping him furiously squeezing the head and watching Jungkook press his knees together and cry and shake trying to prevent himself from cumming.
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Taehyung was in a whole other level of torture, instead of having to hold back a powerful orgasm he was trying to spur it on. Seokjin was leisurely stroking Taehyung with one hand while his other hand was between their bodies slowly caressing his own cock. Taehyung didn’t care for the older males' delayed gratification methods and was practically rutting in his hand. “Hyung” he moaned desperately.
“No this is about my pregnant wife not you”
“Our pregnant wife” Namjoon corrected. Seokjin rolled his eyes, feeling Taehyung’s hand brush past his trying to touch himself. Using his free hand Seokjin grabbed Taehyung by his hair and pulled his head back to speak directly into his ear. 
“Who is older, me or you?”
“You”
“Who is in charge, me or you?”
“You are in charge you grandpa” Taehyung huffed “I am sick of slow, I didn’t know you had gotten that old that you couldn’t even Jerk me off properly hyung. You should be careful you must be getting frail.”
Seokjin pushed Taehyung over the arm of the chair and pulled his lounge pants down to expose his ass, where he firmly spanked him telling him that he would not be disrespected like that. Taehyung moaned happy he had riled him up expecting him now to try and prove a point and get him off quickly. But the plan backfired. 
“Get on your knees facing me,” Seokjin commanded and he quickly scrambled to the floor, “spread them and put your hands on my thighs.”
Taehyung spread his knees apart feeling the tightness in his muscle that wasn’t particularly flexible.
“Well go ahead” Seokjin lazily looked down at him, Taehyung took the older gentleman’s thick member into his mouth and began bobbing his head furiously hoping to send him over the edge quickly. A firm hand in his hair stopped this quickly and guided him slowly back and forth sliding him across his tongue. Taehyung was leisurely caressing the underside of Seokjin’s Penis with his tongue.
Looking up at him to see his eyes were on you, he was nervous about the idea of the baby coming today. Taehyung relaxed his throat and let the hot appendage in his mouth slide further back until the thick head brushed the walls of his throat where he swallowed a little uncomfortably at the thickness. Seokjin’s hips thrust forward on reflex, making Taehyung moan.
Taehyung continued this slowly, deepthroating Seokjin’s cock until he suddenly spilled his seed into Taehyung’s throat. He pulled back to swallow the sticky substance that had started to gush out of Seokjin but as he pulled back he continued cumming hard in Taehyung’s mouth. Filling it with hot white liquid. When Taehyung looked up he saw Namjoon with his free hand firmly squeezing the back of Seokjin’s neck encouraging him to cum.
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Jungkook was begging Namjoon to let him cum, he was sticky and making the most illicit wet sounds in Namjoon’s hand. Namjoon part way through watching Taehyung suck off the oldest in the family, removing himself from his pants he was wearing a cock ring that had his dick looking fierce and deliciously thick. He had taken a matching cock ring from his pocket and placed it around Jungkook’s sensitive cock. Watching him whine as he situated it in place. Namjoon had stopped for about thirty seconds at a time to let Jungkook recollect himself. He didn’t want him to come too soon and end his fun.
Jungkook was not silent at all; he was the loudest in the room, begging and crying in response to Namjoon’s questions and ministrations. Taking the youngest in his hand once more he smirked leaning into his ear. “You think I don’t notice the way you watch me Kookie, the way you blatantly look at my package when you think I am not looking. What do you want to do, huh? You want to sit on my cock? Or perhaps you want to suck it. Do you want me to fill you up, I have been saving it all for you”
“Please I want to cum?” Jungkook cried fat tears falling onto his thighs and Namjoon  sighed carefully removing the butt plug and lifting the boy onto his hard length. Jungkook lowered himself whimpering and clenching around Namjoon’s swollen erection.
Namjoon wrapped his arms around Jungkook’s thin waist and rocked the younger boy against him. The blood that filled Jungkook’s painfully stiff member had it bouncing against his lower stomach 
Namjoon hadn’t told the poor maknae that the cock rings were actually a part of a set designed for couples and had a remote that when you turned the dial they began to vibrate at different settings. So without warning Namjoon turned it on, setting it to a rapid pulse and matching the rhythm with his hips.
Jungkook is no longer coherent, emitting high pitched cries and cumming hard over his chest and thighs, tears pouring down his face as his body writhed in pleasure. Namjoon followed soon after spilling inside the young man.
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Yoongi must have taken pity on you letting you come. He watched you hesitantly waiting for your waters to break and when it didn’t he raised an eyebrow. “It seems it didn't work” He smiled his hand reaching out and gently holding your swollen midsection. He felt your stomach muscles tighten under his palm as he caressed the exposed flesh.
You were sure this was a contraction and you knew it took a while between the initial contractions and active labor, something you had learnt from your previous pregnancies and birthing experience. 
What you didn’t expect was for you to cramp up again and a warm sensation between your legs. “Oh my god, her waters actually just broke” Hoseok said excitedly, he was ready to see the new baby.
All other activities ceased and everyone got down to business, who was going to pick the kids up from school, who was going to the hospital. Where the bags are what they needed to pack, thought everything was mostly already packed. Once the plan was complete you and the boys raced around to grab your things. Not before Hoseok grabbed Jimin and Taehyung both who hadn’t had a single orgasm and secured a cock cage to each of them with a grin.
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everyonewasabird ¡ 4 years ago
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@fremedon I’m going to move the conversation about Grantaire’s revolution rant to it’s own post! Hope that’s okay.
(beware, this got LONG, oh my god)
@fremedon said:
Coming back to Grantaire and “Preliminary Gaieties,” I’m thinking about that speech again in light of this post.
All the metaphors about God throwing a revolution to cover his bankruptcy are in service of a point that Grantaire also states in (for him) remarkably plain language–that as much as he would like for progress to occur smoothly and automatically, it doesn’t:
“What the rest of you call progress advances by means of two motors, men and events. But, sad to say, from time to time, the exceptional becomes necessary. The ordinary troupe suffices neither for event, nor for men: among men geniuses are required, among events, revolutions.”
He spends three pages circling back to the idea of revolution, and every time he lands on the same point–that it’s not only inevitable, but necessary; that the universe is badly made and God is unable to set it right without human action, which means revolution.
And then there’s this passage, which is kind of key to the whole thing (switching from Hapgood to FMA):
“Oh! By all saints of Olympus and all the gods of Paradise, I was not made to be a Parisian, that is to say, to richochet forever, like a shuttlecock between two rackets, from the company of loafers to the company of rioters!”
He introduces a list of loafers–the group he says he was born to be part of–ending with “a petty Germanic prince, furnishing the half of a foot-soldier to the Germanic confederation, and occupying his leisure with drying his breeches on his hedge, that is to say, his frontier.” This list balances Floreal’s banker, from the start of the speech–another idler in this vein, whose conquest of the grisette is explicitly equated with Brennus’s sack of Rome.
Grantaire wants to be idle; he wants to enjoy the appearances that God is trying so hard to keep up, but he’s seen through them; he understands that even the illusion of smooth social functioning that revolution and riot disrupts is still violent at every level, from the sack of cities to the defense of micro-states to Floreal’s poverty. He gets it, he sees the violence inherent in the system and he understands that any action to change will, under the circumstances, necessarily also be violent.
Philosophically and politically, he pretty much agrees with the Amis about how the world is and what it would take to change it.
And then he finally says the thing it’s taken him three pages and a bottle of wine to say, and that no one in the book has really said outright yet:
“And it appears that they are going to fight, all those imbeciles, and to break each other’s profiles and to massacre each other in the heart of summer, in the month of June, when they might go off with a creature on their arm, to breathe the immense heaps of new-mown hay in the meadows!”
They all know that just their political association, let alone the kind of organizing they’re doing, could on its own get themselves killed. They’ve been part of a network amassing weapons with the full intention of taking to the streets with them. They all know that if–when–it does come to insurrection, their lives will all be on the line.
No one talks about it. No one, before this point, ever acknowledges it out loud.
And when Grantaire finally does–in front of Joly and Bossuet! Who watched the funeral cortege go by and decided to have brunch instead! Who are very much on the side of Yes Do Notice the Flowers and the Spring!–what’s the response?
“Speaking of revolution,” said Joly, “it appears that Marius is decidedly amorous.”
“Does anyone know who it is?”
“No.”
THEY ARE SO DESPERATE TO CHANGE THE SUBJECT. THAT THEY RESORT TO GOSSIP. ABOUT MARIUS.
They don’t even HAVE any gossip about Marius! “SPEAKING OF REVOLUTION… … … OH HEY COURFEYRAC’S ROOMMATE HAS A CRUSH. On someone. Allegedly.” This is not even the “How about that local sports team” of subject changes. This is just flat refusal to engage with anything Grantaire has said.
In my headcanon, about 80% of Grantaire’s position as Resident Skeptic* comes down to this: that he sees as clearly as any of them do that their ideals, if taken to their logical conclusion lead to violent revolution, and that the chances of that revolution accomplishing anything significant are slim compared to the chances of their all getting killed. And that aside from Enjolras, most of them deal with this through flat-out denial.
Grantaire’s a depressive. He is Very Bad at denying unpleasant truths. He is self-medicating very hard just to be able to ignore enough of the world’s unpleasantness to get up in the morning. He works really, really, hard to see the flowers and the spring and enough of a bright side to go on with this life that they are all so willing to throw away on such a slim hope.
He really can’t get on board with just…hoping that the suicidally rash inevitable endgame will work out for the best. But the only one of them who appears to have any other coping mechanism is Enjolras, who conceives of himself as an instrument of war trying to make himself obsolete–whose metric of success is self-annihilation. Which I think Grantaire understands very well and wishes he didn’t.
*The other 20% is tied up with his objectification of Enjolras. In the very literal, “what a fine statue,” “Je crois à toi”  sense. Enjolras is an abstract concept? Grantaire’s a skeptic; Enjolras is a god? Grantaire’s an atheist; Enjolras is a statue? Grantaire’s an art school dropout.  If he can make Enjolras something other than a person, then he doesn’t have to take him seriously; he doesn’t have to worry about letting him down.
everyonewasabird:
Ooh, you and I are reading a LOT of things differently! Interesting!
So I don’t think I disagree about what Grantaire is saying but about how it lands: he’s wrong. He sees the problems of the world--and in his bitterness invents extra problems, like women marrying bankers, which is not an actual problem, Grantaire--and despair makes him think nothing can be changed. And Joly and Bossuet know he’s wrong.
On the “new mown hay” line--firstly, oh my god, Hapgood’s translatation of that is a travesty. That passage is gorgeous.
Here’s Wilbour:
“And it appears that they are going to fight, all these idiots, to get their heads broken, to massacre one another, in midsummer, in the month of June, when they might go off with some creature under their arm, to scent in the fields the huge cup of tea of the new mown hay! Really they are too silly.”
...God, it’s so beautiful. Anyway.
It’s worth noting that this passage is not like the rest of the speech. Grantaire was being racist and sexist and gross like a sentence ago, and he undercuts his own eloquence with “Really they are too silly” a sentence after. I think the magic in his spark of sincerely expressed fear and regret here is real! And I think Hugo and the brick feel that regret and that loss. But I don’t think Hugo and the brick agree that therefore it would be better to just not have the revolution.
About Grantaire you said:
He works really, really, hard to see the flowers and the spring and enough of a bright side to go on with this life
I don’t agree. I think Grantaire is trudging on with a life that fills him with horror and which he barely tolerates, and the one good thing he has are the people he surrounds himself with who actually do pay attention to flowers and spring and the bright side--like Joly and Bossuet, who keep making jokes for exactly this purpose. Like the joke about Marius and revolution!
It’s not that Bossuet and Joly value their lives less or are paying less attention to the cost of the fight than Grantaire is--it’s that they value the world more. They love their lives--hence their last, joyous brunch instead of the boring, rainy parade--and they love the world, and they believe enough in hope for the world that they will willingly and joyfully give those lives to fix it. That’s not the same thing!
I don’t read “speaking of a revolution, Marius is amorous” as avoidance at all--handling catastrophe with good humor is Joly and Bossuet’s whole thing. Grantaire is spiraling into despair that Bossuet and Joly don’t share, since they’ve committed to this fight and made their peace with it. So they redirect Grantaire’s collapsing despair spiral with the joke that Marius--whom they must think of as a massive prude, given, well, them--suddenly caring about romance constitutes a revolution on par with the one they’re planning. Honestly, I thought it was pretty funny!
I don’t think anyone is facing the revolution with denial--I’m not following where that idea comes from. It seems to me the Amis are brave and selfless and committed and good, and they see revolution as worth doing, and if they die in the effort, they see that as worth it. I think everyone but Grantaire is fully on board with that.
A LOT of my feeling that the text of the brick is adamantly pro-revolution comes from this post from pilferingapples, ostensibly about the Waterloo digression. This post seriously upended how I think of the revolution plot of the brick versus its weird bourgeois ending--honestly, it completely changed how I think about this book and just...books in general. I can’t overstate what that bit of meta did to me.
On Enjolras... oh wow, we’re seeing very different characters!
You say:
Enjolras, who conceives of himself as an instrument of war trying to make himself obsolete–whose metric of success is self-annihilation.
I definitely see the instrument of war thing! And I think he always saw the (possibility? probability? certainty?) that the world he fought for would not include him. But I don’t think his metric of success is self-annihilation. That might be Valjean’s, but I don’t think it’s his. I think Enjolras’s metric of success is the world being saved.
I think of Enjolras as the great moral victor of the story. Inasmuch as he has flaws, they’re about being too absolute and sublime, to the exclusion of all else. That’s not a damning flaw, and in embracing Grantaire he transcends it. Far from tending towards self-annihilation, he seems to me a character of nigh-superhuman resilience, too full of love for his friends and humanity and faith in a better world ever to break, under any circumstances. I don’t think his willingness to die is abnegation--I think it’s genuine love for the world and faith that even in defeat, he and his friends have moved humanity closer to a better future.
(I hope that wasn’t too combative! I’m happy to argue further! :D)
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rochellena ¡ 5 years ago
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What makes Quentin different and lesser than the others? Why is this being done this way? Why won’t they ask the questions of him, they’ve asked of Alice and Eliot? Will I ever be ok?
So, I’ve been trying to find the words to explain what is upsetting me most about the way the Q story is being handled in s5. I won’t lie, there are some things that hitting the right notes for me (I’m easy person to win over. I won’t lie. My standards do not exist.), but at the same time, I keep coming back to how quickly this has been wrapped up. Julia was sad for about 5 minutes and Margo acts like she doesn’t know who this Q person was. I heard there had actually been a touching scene where Kady showed some grief, but it was cut, which is a shame --I always thought the Kady/Q almost friendship was interesting (I loathed that the only thing she could think of to bring to the finale fire was the autographed book that had been one of the final straws for breaking Q’s spirit. Anyway not the point, but boy I would love to do a whole write up about that), and with how detached Kady’s story is from EVERYTHING ELSE, it would have been a good way to incorporate her into this bigger story of mourning and grief (though it also just goes to show how much of the glue that Q was to these characters).
The only characters who actually seem affected by what happened are Alice and Eliot, which while not surprising, it kind of hurts a lot to see the memory of Quentin Coldwater reduced down to his two major romantic partners. And after the newest episode, it hurts more to see how these two have officially given up on him now too. These two that he fought so hard to save. I mean, you can even compare the s2 arc of saving Alice to the s4 arc of saving Eliot, and they’re almost beat for beat the same--the initial denial and hope that something can be done (going to the flying forest, helping the monster in hopes he’ll release El), some outside force assuring him that it can not be done as they’re dead dead (the questing beast and the monster), he believes it for about a half second before something happens (ghost|niffin!Alice haunting him, El breaking free from the monster for a moment) and then he gives every ounce of energy he has to saving them-- some of them silly (interpretive dances and talking to mummies), some of them painful (niffin!alice doing everything she can to emotionally hurt him, the monster constantly touching him and using Eliot’s body as a tool to keep Q in line), hell, he even visits Mayakovsky for help during each of these arcs. All of this to say, there’s no one who could deny that Q did not give up on Alice and El, never, and definitely not so easily or quickly. 
So to see these two people, the two that at different points of his life, he gave everything to bring back from death, it hurts. And that’s what it was, Niffin!Alice was not just another version of Alice. Our Alice died that day. Q brought her back, but she died the day she became a niffin. Now because she was a niffin, it was a whole different life, kind of like Fred becoming Ilyria on Angel. Niffin!Alice ended up having her own set of experiences (good and bad) and her own life, and the question of whether it was right for Q to strip that away from her to bring back our Alice was the entirety of their s3 story, but at the end of the day, the answer settled on yes, it was right to bring her back because no matter what she experienced as a niffin, the power she had, it only happened because a 23 year old girl was tragically killed. 
El was a little different, but at the same time, as time went on, we saw the Monster developing his own views and thoughts. For the first time since his creation, he was able to act on his own accord and he discovered he liked churros and television and touching and Starbucks and Quentin and those quiet moments in the forest under an old tree. I mean, that last moment of the monster, sitting under that tree, demonstrated that to get Eliot back, they had to eliminate this new existence. Again, this isn’t the same as niffin!Alice because even post-rehumaning of her, there was a part of her that enjoyed that other existence (but it was still the right thing to do) while Eliot was invaded and did not like it. But in the end, the similarities of what Q did, what Q gave up, and what Q destroyed to bring back the people he loved are present and strong. 
So, it brings me to this thing I’m really struggling with-- every one keeps saying that the reason they can’t/shouldn’t bring Q back is because it was his choice. But it was also Alice’s choice to go niffin that day. She admitted it; she let herself burn so she could destroy the beast. Eliot might not have known he’d get possessed, but he knew he was putting his life in danger when he pulled that trigger, but he did so he could try to protect Q. Just like Q doing what he did to defeat Everett (which there is so much stuff to support that this was NOT THE ONLY OPTION but that’s not the point here), Alice sacrificed herself to defeat the beast and save her friends and Eliot was willing to sacrifice himself to kill the monster and save Q. 
So why is Quentin’s choice the only one that sticks? Why his “sacrificial choice” more concrete than theirs? Why does it need to be respected? All three of them would sacrifice themselves to save the people they love. The question at the end of the day is though, would they like to save their friends and also be alive themselves? Alice and El (except for Q) both got to answer that question (and from what we know about this season, Eliot will become more sure on this part, much like Alice over s3 and 4): though it’s rough, though it’s painful and messy and dirty, life is worth something. But for Q, this isn’t a question that’s being asked. The idea that they can’t change time because it has to have happened for them to be alive now doesn’t hold weight when Q brought back Alice and Q saved Eliot. 
And this gets to the crux of my issue: If you ask that question, and the answer is yes, saving your friends is important but so is being alive, then everyone giving up on him and not reciprocating what he would do for them, is terrible and heartbreaking and basically an affirmation of his every negative thought--disposable, useless, unnecessary, unlovable, he breaks things. But if the answer is yeah saving my friends is important but my own life is not, then it’s canon confirmation that his death was a suicide, and then the question of choice becomes void, and they should be doing everything they can to save him a la What Dreams May Come. 
If they aren’t going to bring Q back (and I truly dgaf about bts stuff, as how this is all being handled rests squarely on the shoulders of the people writing it. And honestly if this is the result of JR leaving because he wanted more creative control, than they should have probably given it to him because he would have done a lot better by Q-- end snark), then it should be a bigger impact than 2 characters being sad, but accepting with very little pushback, and moving on. Or at the very least, give better reasons why beyond “it was his choice.” This is magical fantasy world where anything can happen and no one stays dead, give me something with meat. Q deserved better than that, and it’s really breaking my heart that in universe, no one else thinks so. 
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corvidamned ¡ 4 years ago
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@synthezcid | said: A-U for the meme A - Alone time (how do they get off when they’re all by themselves? do they watch porn, is it all in their imagination, do they jerk off, do they use toys?)  Watching het porn's sort of hit or miss for Kira with the exception of ow*n gr*y's body of work, or scenarios where size difference or wrestling is involved. Masturbation for the busybody is easiest before the sun comes up, leaving the rest of the day for cleaning toys and hopping in the shower before starting one's routine. Her go-to is her wand and her fingers, but a simple soft shaft dildo may make its appearance now and then. She keeps buying toys to test on herself, developing a small collection, but they mostly just sit in a designer bag in the bottom drawer of her dresser. B - Bondage (do they like it? do they not? do they prefer to be the one being tied or the one doing the tying?)  Yes, small powerplays like being restrained are always fun to explore and see how far she can let herself submit without breaking rope or cuffs. Tying up her partner is a privilege accompanied with body worship and very thorough and passionate oral before fingering or pegging. C - Crying  Answered! D - Dominance (do they prefer to dominate, or be dominated? do they have experience as a Dom? Do they have a Dom that they trust already? What kind of things do they enjoy as/with their Dominant partner?)  Kira has no preference and would rather be swept up in the latest development of feelings between her and her partner, assuming the role of what they need right now, than identify with being a top or bottom. For the first part of her and her partner's relationship, it's mostly vanilla rough passionate sex that switches its dynamic throughout. Much as she wouldn't mind a true dom or a true submissive, bdsm is more of an occasion than a subscribed ideology.  Still, she's very good at being a dom, attentive to the smallest reaction, often softening out intense scenarios with massages and kisses and praises in preparation for overstimulation or round two, three, and so on. Being a submissive is something she would like to work on more, to trust her body to react by itself than actively try to control the pace of the situation. E - Extra info (any other fetishes? feet? leather? role playing? blood? fantasies that they might want to experience not on this list?)  Ripping inexpensive clothing, knife play, biting, drinking blood, going to different places in each other’s mind, having deep conversations during, decent role play costumes, praise and acknowledgement and acceptance. F - Food play (do they like using food in the bedroom? are there any foods they prefer to use during sex or foreplay? any they’d like to try?)  Nothing that would get crumbs on the bed ;; Kira’s more of a let’s eat something big after kinda person, but she would not be opposed to a break for strawberries. G - Group sex (would they have a threeway? four? an orgy? do they put on a show for spectators? or do they like to keep it just between them and their partner?)  I don't think it's likely I'll ever be able to write a poly ship with three muses, each with a different mun. Maybe if I or my partner wrote the third muse. But it's so rare to find muses that are comfortable mentioning others' portrayals in the same continuity / universe even in a mutual friends capacity, let alone -- we both ship with the same muse, what if we also ship, AND what if we had a shared au where the three of us are a thing. Maybe next year. Anyhoo, Kira has a lot of love to give, but would only sleep with someone else with her partner's permission, and she would prefer that someone to be a good lifelong friend of them both. H - Humiliation (does degradation and insults get them hot? do they get off on humiliating someone else? what kind of humiliation is good for them?)  No. So, she would enjoy being called my pet or my good little slut, and being 'used' for her partner's enjoyment. That's part of the process of submitting. But tone and context matters completely. And it's not fun to be brought so low without some grand reward to get back to normal. So she just wouldn't let her lover speak to her that way. If they get away with it, she'll soon be plotting their demise. I - Impact play (here’s where talking about things like spanking, paddles, canes, floggers and the like.)  Kira does enjoy a good slap from her partner’s hand accompanied by a good grip or a massage to balance out the pain, or a slow build up of pain levels with a paddle. However, I am reluctant to rp impact play again, because should this kind of thread go dead before my partner gets to aftercare or their muse purposely neglects aftercare to leave Kira alone and in a vulnerable state, I get whiplash and the ship gets severely strained. J - Jelly (what kind of lube are they using? is it flavored? have they tasted it? do they prefer to use something other than real lube during sex?)  Regular unscented water based lube is the go-to. Lots of making out and grinding, and spit if we just can’t wait. Or cum-lube if we’re feeling fancy, or Kira’s pegging, as to complete the illusion. K - Kissing (what parts of their body do they like having kissed? what parts of their partner do they enjoy kissing? do they like leaving marks / having marks left on them?)  Mouth! Making out needs all the time in the world before it should escalate. She wants to know she’s loved, she wants to let her partner know she loves them!! Before it would escalate!!! Neck is also the way to go, followed by her back, and her folds. L - Lighting (are the lights on? off? do they have some kind of mood lighting set up?)  Everywhere Kira works there’s mood lighting: the Lounge, the Riddler’s hideouts, Gotham’s rooftops at night. All neon blues and greens and purples. Let her enjoy the natural atmosphere of the street lights peeking through her window, bathing everything in black and gold. Lights off. Let the morning come and let her see her partner desaturated and normal and perfect. M - Masochism (do they like pain? scratching? biting? being bossed around? spoken down to? choked?)  A little pain can be good if in a safe environment, and followed up with pleasure. Scratching is encouraged. Breaking Kira’s skin while biting is transformative and therefore not allowed unless it’s her partner’s last moments. Besides that, shallow biting is encouraged. Humiliation will get you kicked out. Choking may occur often, or at least strong grips on one’s jaw or throat. N - Not yet (orgasm delay? orgasm denial? do they tell their partner not to touch themselves for a certain amount of time or under certain circumstances? do they delay or deny other things like bathroom usage or food? do they need to beg first? do they like being denied / delayed?)  As long as there is a promise, a light at the end of the tunnel however small, Kira would subject herself or subject her partner to hold out for as long as possible in order to be overwhelmed and overstimulated thereafter. We do not work for crumbs. Denying one’s partner the restroom and skipping lunch is inhumane. People could faint. Everyone needs a break past three hours. O-S - outdoor sex, photography, quiet please, routine, sleepy sex Answered here! and here! T - Top or bottom (self explanatory…)  Switch. Will ride, will submit, will peg. U - Underwear (what kind of underwear do they put on in the morning, if any at all… do they own any sexy underwear or lingerie?) Boy shorts and sports bras mostly, under her costume. A lot of stage and gala outfits come with their own built in bustier or corset, so braless with those.  Lazy moments at home, she does wear lingerie and thigh socks under big knit cardigans to check the mail or get coffee and get back home to her laptop or her significant other.
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aspiestvmusings ¡ 5 years ago
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ZEP: MY ISSUES WITH “ZOEY”
Here’s a new  long analysis post for ZEP S1. This one is focused on Zoey, and the things that I have issues with...about the writing & the character: 
Just me...dissecting & analyzing the storyline...with focus on Zoey & Team Max. But since the stories are so intertwined, there’s Zoey/dad & Zoey/Simon talk, too. Cause the so-called “love triangle” [the relationships between those three characters that they try to market as a love triangle] is one of my issues with the show.  
WARNING: Very long post & possibly full of unpopular opinions. 
I HAVE ISSUES...WITH “ZOEY” (READ: WRITING & CONTINUITY...)
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IMO Zoey is “unfair” with both men. She’s in such deep denial & even now that she’s learning empathy & be emotionally more available she’s still running from her feelings, cause she just doesn’t wanna deal with them (the truth). Every time when the three of them interact, she always claims that there’s nothing going on. She tells Simon that there’s nothing between her & Max, and they’re just friends. She tells Max that there’s nothing between her & Simon, and he’s just helping him with grief. She  tries to belittle the other man’s part in her life. 
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She actually knows how she feels about both. She actually knows it all. (we’ve seen her reveal the truth to her mom & to Mo...in some scenes...so we know that what she tells the men is half-truths..at best) But she is doing everything in her power to deny it, and so she “denies” it also to the two men. But...in doing so she’s been unfair to both men, kinda leading them on. I understand that that’s done intentionally... and is supposed to be one of her “character flaws”. That she was (and still is) emotionally challenged, and the new superpower is here to help her learn empathy & make her understand others (and her own) emotions. But while I know what the intent of the writers is... I get a bit of different impression from the actual storyline...as I watch it. Cause...there is some “inconsistency” here. 
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I did not get “Zoey sees Max in a new light, cause unlike Simon, who is stuck in the past, he’s now looking into future, and she needs that kind of “positivity” right now”. Instead I got the feeling that she’s not into him and how he’s become more confident and has a new outlook on life (all started with those peer reviews...), but his position of power. That she’s into the fact that he’s the boss. Cause she’s been fighting against “the universe” this whole time (however many days/months the events between the MRI & the Bad Moon Rising...took in their universe). And suddenly... (and it doesn’t feel like it’s cause she’s started to see the powers as something positive, or because she is accepting her loss, or dealing with her grief...it just feels like she’s being “superficial”) she finds him attractive. 
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I mean... in 1x05, when she sees Max shirtless, she can’t stop staring. She wants that body. Then in 1x06, when Max goes after what he wants [this all started with the peer reviews] - the scooter, she finds that ”action” hot. Same in the finale, when he says he enjoyed being the boss, she finds him attractive. Drawn to “power figure, manly man stereotype”. It’s like Zoeys “Button’s moment”. She seems to lean toards the man, who shows...at the time...”confidence” & muscles. 
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The other thing that makes her lean towards one of them is...”we’re just friends”. She wants what she can’t have. She wants more than the other person wants/offers. She starts really going after Simon..strong (obsessing over him) when he stays true to it not being ok to be more than friends, cause he’s engaged. After Simon says they should stay friends, she does not like that, and complains (to Mo) that the man doesn’t want to be more than friends. And she goes after him... to the point where she tries to hook up with him. Then when she & Max make up, and agree to start a fresh... and Max is all for friendship, she suddenly wants more, and goes after him... tries to hook up with him. When one of the two says that they should just be friends, she suddenly starts finding them irresistible & wanting more. That’s another sttange (planned or accidental) thing I noticed about S1...
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There is a very clear pattern in her behaviour throughout the season. And these are just a few of the “parallels” & patterns. And while very “human” & “real”, and “believable”...from someone grieving, emotionally challenged & “a mess”, none of this is “healthy behaviour”, or anything she should remain stuck in. Which is why they need to let it go... let the “triangle drama” rest. 
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And I’ve kinda started questioning if the girl is just frustrated, and perhaps she just needs some, cause this time she came onto Max (who was all in for the “let’s be just friends for now” thing movie nights and stuff...), and she REALLY could not wait... no more...for him to finish the singing... It kinda made me question if she truly sees him a new light as she says, or is this her “Buttons” moment, and nothing else. I mean..we saw her try to use similar tactic with Simon... on her “anger phase day”. She was trying to use se* as a tool to deal with her anger. And this time it seemed like she was trying to use se* as a tool to deal with loneliness or frustration. However “real” and “human” that is... it’s not “good”. At times I truly think, based on her behaviour, that she just wants to get some...cause she seems to be unable to deal with..anything.. until she’s gotten that out of her system. 
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She also does not seem to learn the lessons she gets. I mean.. Mo told her already in 1x04 that  “You’ll get better at using your superpower. As long as you see every failure not as defeat, but as a stepping stone on the road to success.”...yet she only got it & admitted it [in her speech to her dad] in the finale, 1x12. And also...she seems to not be so blind, and can help apply the lessons to others (giving Tobin the advice she got from Mo...about hard conversations between friends; helping Mo with Eddie...when her situation with Max is the same...as Mo points out). It does not seem “believable”...even if we apply the “she’s a grieving mess & emotionally challenged & running from her feelings & avoiding her own emotions” filter to her behaviour. It still doesn’t “fit”... she just goes back & forth...too much... and that makes it feel like it’s inconsistency in the writing [artificially created...delays & conflict], instead of it feeling as the writing probably means it to be - that its due to her “being a mess”.  
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What I need from S2: for Zoey to be honest with both men. Stop being in denial, and admit her feelings to herself, and to them. How she feels abut each. Telling Max about her kisses with Simon. Telling Simon about her history with Max. And...unless they all agree that it doesn’t have to be two, but it could be three (polygamy), then she has to make a choice, and stop leading them both on. And I want the men to bond, and “demand” honesty from her....if the show really does intend to keep the “love triangle” going...as they claim in their S2 plans interviews. This is why I like both actors (and based on the finale scenes..both of their characters) take on the whole thing (they’re Team Zoey), and I don’t support what seems to be the showrunners & the networks take on the thing (that it’s a competition between the two & that love triangles are the greatest device in writing...)
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Cause right now the S1 finale actually put that to rest...during the last song (as we saw Simon admit he saw them together, and knows she's into Max, and shook his hand...cause he knows what he did...calling him to let him know about her dad.... and how selfless that was, and we saw how Max was there next to her throughout the last song... just a shoulder to lean on...without any pressure or anything. So...on screen the triangle thing was actually put to rest. (except for Zoey’s last talk with her dad...which happened before the funeral,  but still gave them the out to leave things open... to keep the non-existent competition between teams alive...cause network/showrunner love the idea of TS vs TM...to the level that I feel is dloing disservice to the characters and story)
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I’ve said it before... I know what their intent is (cause network TV is easy to read... even the best written shows still follow the same simple formula & rules), but I don’t get that on screen. But most of the “love triangle” thing does not feel to me like it being because Zoey is grieving or because she has low EQ. It just feels like she’s almost intentionally playing with the mens feelings. And I don’t appreciate that. Even if it comes from her only learning to empathize, and not being in touch with her feelings. From her not being able to handle feelings, and hence denying the feelings she has...fighting against feeling... It comes off as like her not just being unfair, but downright playing with Simon’s & Max’s feelings. Cause by now she knows how both of them feel. She has absolute clarity about their feelings...and they have no real clarity about hers. 
They both had their moment(s) with her, but she has to have “hard conversations” with both of them...where she is completely honest with them. Yet she keeps telling Simon that there’s no need to be jealous of Max & her (and then goes and kisses him). And she keeps telling Max that she had no idea she had those feelings for Simon (and Max). When we know that there are two people who know...more of the truth... Maggie & Mo. Everyone else gets the tweaked truth. 
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So yeah...while the intent most likely was that Zoey was clinging to Simon, and in the process of doing so (holding on to the past... cause she was not ready to let go of her dad, so she tried to keep the status quo by creating that grief bond with Simon), I haven’t truly sensed that from the season as a whole. And even though we & Zoey saw that while Simon was still clinging to the past in 1x10, while she has been slowly starting to let go, he seems to have started to move on, slowly, too, in 1x12 (or has he? Maybe it’s all one of his great pretender tactics...like being too cheery outside on a Tuesday morning...while singing “mad world” inside) . But...he still probably represents the past to Zoey. And Max represents the future. That was most likely their intent with the S1 finale Max and his optimistic outlook.
This all comes back to what Zoey told her mom in 1x04 about her connection with Simon: “He’s the only person who I can talk to about what I’m going through with dad. No one else understands, and I guess I'm worried that if I let it go, or let him go, then I... won’t ever feel this way again.” And interestingly enough for her, Max represents the opposite in the finale (especially). While her outlook so far has been - “how do I live without my dad?”, her best friends speech gave her a new outlook “one can experience failure or something bad happening, but still look forward to what’s to come”. The finales intent was most likely to say that she doesn’t feel like letting her dad go or letting the grief go means she won’t ever feel this way again. She can live without her dad, she will find love again...if she just opens up to the possibilities. 
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In S2 I want the two men to bond, and ask her to make a choice. To stop being dishonest with them (and mostly herself). And since we saw the men talk to each other (when Max called Simon), and then saw them shake hands... we can hope that they kinda become “kinda friends”. They should both take a step back, and remove themselves from potential love interest roles...until she’s figured things out. Which can only happen after she’s had time to deal with her grief. Cause I’m not certain she’ll be able to stop playing her games even at this time, when her focus should (finally...after she ran from it all...during the whole time when her dad was still with them)  be only on grief & family. I don’t “trust” Zoey, but I believe in the two men. I see them being her friend at this time. But when she has gone through all the grief stages, they should have a talk...the three of them. And either they agree that “it could be three, not two” or they ask her to make a choice, and stop with her games. Finally be honest with herself, and them. Stop avoiding & running from her feelings. 
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So... that is what I hope from the future. I mean...we didn’t get enough focus on her grief story, cause so much of the screentime was devoted to her dilemma about the two men that it took away so much focus from dad/daughter, and those stories and dynamics. And that was a shame. That she (the story) didn’t focus so much on how she deals (or doesn’t really deal) with the fact that she’s about to lose No 1 man in her life, her dad... and instead of focusing on herself, and her dad...the story almost seemed to evolve around her “choosing between the two men” (the so-called love triangle storyline)
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In the S1 finale we saw how Zoey saw Simon sing he’s jealous of her & her best friend. And she kept that to herself. Then we saw her come on to her best friend, who was there for thier friends movie night. And all that barely days/weeks after...her fights with both of them (all events between 107 & 111). And then we hear her tell her dad that she likes that her hot new co-worker likes her back, and she’s also proud that at the same time she “hooked up” with her best friend. And how that complicates things. When it’s her who is complicating things...which are really uncomplicated. She still has no clarity. She still hides from her feelings. She is still in denial. She still tries to pursue both. And she needs to stop that. She needs to tell her best friend about her relationship & feelings for the engaged man (tell him about the kisses etc) & she needs to tell the grieving & newly single man about her long history with her best friend, and what (almost) happened... the night the music died. She “owes” it to them. 
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We all know what the shows endgame is, and it’s been clear since the start. To everyone...no matter which team you support or root for. And they’ve written the characters and the relationships differently enough to prove the point. Even with the heart song choices. And from the finale alone we see Simon sing that he’s jealous (of her taking her best friend to each cheesequakes...which he thinks is something only they did...that one time), while Max sang that she has all of him.  One song puts the feelings of the person first, the other puts the feelings of the person they sing to first. And we’ve seen that throughout the season, when Max’s songs have been love songs to her, while Simon’s songs have been more about his grief and his “inappropriate” (cause he was engaged) feelings for her. The songs alone reveal it all. Max songs and behaviour always put Zoey, his best friend, first (even during the times/episodes...when they were “taking a break”). His actions are selfless, and full of unconditional love. While Simon’s songs are more or less about his feelings, and what he needs from her (should he stay or go...considering he’s engaged; he’s jealous...of the other man who gets her attention..too). 
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And I’ve said this before...many times, but it’s worth to repeat: the two men in her lives, and their stories, and her relationship with them are written differently..on purpose. Both represent ...something...to her. I’ve compared Simons & Zoey’s grief before, and said how she is taking the same steps he did, making the same mistake he did, walking the same path..without learning from his mistakes. But..hopefully the s1 finale finally put an end to that. Because it did showcase how he is stuck, and she has been stuck in the same way. By clinging to him, she tried to keep things as they were, but at the same time things were changing... as her dad’d health was chaning..and no matter how much she tried to deny it, avoid it... life happens. 
I’ve said how she projects, and she definitely did that with Simon. And...unless they want to have her character stuck, and not have character growth, and be on the path to move on...there is no way they can keep up the love triangle or keep her relationship with Simon the same. Cause that means she’s going backwards, not forwads. And the S1 finale seemed to establish that she’s starting to see the world in new colours. And interstingly enough it took for her best friend, Max, to get through to her (Mo, Maggie, and others have tried...before..but it hasn’t clicked with her...til now), and so I think that they need to continue developing their friendship in S2. His optimistic outlook is what Zoey needs right now. (also... cannot wait for the episode when we hear Max sing “True Colours” to Zoey...oh the parallels...)
Choosing Simon now, after S1 end would mean that Zoey is going down Simon’s path - being stuck in grief, & that’s not what the intention is. To quote Simon from 1x10: “he’s jealous of his mom, cause she was able to move past the pain of loss & grief and she fond the joy...in life...again”. And since Z/S dialogue/story always kinda “parallels” the Z/M storyline, then her words can be applied to herself & Max, too, here. She tells him to go after that joy then...to realize it’s not as far as one might think. If she’d apply that to her own situation with Max, then she’d realize that for her (finding) the joy...again...is to realize it’s not as far as she thinks, cause for her her best friend reprsents that joy. 
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So she either chooses Simon (grief, being stuck, past...cause even though they were making Simon start to move past ...all...that), then as a choice he represents clinging to the past for her. Or she chooses Max (joy, moving past the grief, not making the same mistakes again, and choosing to go the other way/seeing things from other perspective from now on). And we saw her admit that shes “going the other way” with her look on her powers...during her speech to her dad. Yet, she still didn’t apply the same logic to her situation with the two men... cause Simon = choosing grief & Max = choosing joy. 
But...the love triangle can only remain exising if she’ll choose Simon for now. If she’ll be not taking the advice she has gotten, and if she will “wallow in her grief" instead of focusing on “healing”. So...the only question is...how much in denial is she? How scared of the truth, and her own feelings/emotions is she? Will she cling to the past & we’ll see her repeat every mistake she saw Simon make (and she didn’t like... based on snapping at him “you’re still stuck” in 1x10). So...based on these lines alone (bits of dialogue from 1x10 & 1x12 especially: which way she chooses...like which way she chooses to look at her powers), and the lines each sang during the final number... the road back to joy is choosing Max. And yet that choice would (thankfully) end the so-called love-triangle. And I’m not sure the showrunner wants to choose that options. I think their intent is to focus on the LONG grief process, and milk it to the max. ;)
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What I also need from S2: Seeing Simon really start working on his grief - seeing a therapist, continue on the path we saw starting in 1x11 & 1x12. Seeing Zoey take the time to actually grieve, and take time for herself (what Max told her to do...for now)..before she even starts thinking of dealing with her “complicated love triangle issues”. Seeing her stop being in denial, and admit her feelings to herself, and be honest with each man.  And ending this love triangle thing. Instead we need more focus on Mitch impact on Zoey. (via “flashbacks” & “dreams”...where we see her spend time with her dad). 
We need to see her relationships with each man, but without any romantic context. And she needs to apologize to both men...for her behaviour...even if they understand it was her grief anger. She really needs to acknowledge her behaviour, and she can do that best if she starts being honest with them. With her speech to her dad she took the first step... and as I predicted it’ll take losing her dad for real for her to start seeing the power as something positive, not negative. (but she also tries to be in a three-person relationship with both men..without admitting this to herself or them...and that’s not good)
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I’m not sure if it’s just the network or does the showrunner himself truly like the love triangle. Because it’s the one aspect of the show that turns me away & makes me dislike the main character...and hence the show. It doesn’t feel “organic” anymore, it doesn’t feel like a growing story...it feels like the storyline is telling us one thing, but then someone comes in and adds a bit that doesn’t fit into the storyline. That’s how the love triangle thing feels by now. It’s like the writer has one idea, but then the network adds notes, and demand they be added...and they don’t fit...THAT’S what I think & feel when they have “Zoey debate between the two”. 
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This is why I love the actors (Skylar & John) take so much. They both want to respect the character, and dare I say...they don’t seem to be into the idea of Zooey being “the prize” that their character have to “fight for”.  She is not that. They also all seem to acknowledge that each charater still needs to grow individually, and then and only then is Zoey gonna be ready to make her decision (after S & Z have gone through phases of grief, and done some therapy & after Max has figured out his new place in the world...), and I have mad respect for the two men. And I hope the message gets through also to the writers, showrunner & network. That they need to shift the focus, and let Zoey grieve...until they add the “love triangle drama” to the story. Only...unless it’s an actual agreement between all three that they’ll choose poly, there needs to be no actual “love triangle” & she has to choose - does she want the “for now = S.” or does she need the “forever = M.” Will she repeat her past mistakes & go for the overly complicated choice, or do as she planned...and take it slow & go for the right... “forever” guy.  
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The other thing that I need from S2 is something I have complained was missing from S1: team work. In the sense that Zoey needs to trust people more, and let them help her & learn to lean on others. This “character flaw” was introduced already in ep 2, when Joan told Zoey: “Listen...as talented as you are, you can't take on these projects all by yourself. It's unsustainable.” The same applies to her personal life/storyline. She needs to trust her team (friends: Max, Mo & family: mom) more. So while S1 was mostly about each characters individual growth...as little as we sadly saw it (amidst the drama-lama), then S2 needs to shift focus on her support system, and show how she has learned to lean on others, and how she doesn’t try to go through it all alone. So..friendship (and romance) with Max, with Simon (I wish he wasn’t in the picture & they’d bring in someone else/new... but I know he’s gonna be there for the grief-bond, so...), with Mo...
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We saw her have moments with Max (the advice he gave to her about going & talking to her dad..at the end on 1x08) & Joan (the advice she gave her in 1x11, when she told her about her own mom & her story). And surprise-surprise... there was no need for the other person to have gone through what she was/has gone through (dad dying) to be able to understand her, talk to her, give good advice, be there for her. 
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And I want to see her bond more with others... even if they don’t have the same experience as she does. Because one of the things I don’t understand about the shows claims is... how they seem to claim (the show, the character) that no one else besides the people, who have lost their dad (or are losing the same person..her dad...their husband...) would understand. That one has to have gone through the exact esperience to be able to understand them. This is why I never undrstood what they were trying to tell with Zoey/Simon grief-bond. Because... even if both lost their dads, their experiences are different, so neither can truly understand the others experience...no better than anyone else (who hasn’t had the same loss) would. But...also-...most adults have experienced loss (grandparent, friend, parent...), so to assume that no-one else would understand... is strange to me. Yet...they kept it up til the finale. And in my own exprience the best support system is not the person, who has had the same experience, but the person who is simply there for you, who wants to help. It does not require similar experience for others to understand you/get you. You don’t need a mirror to look at, you need just someone who cares, and is simply present. 
I have examples from my own life. I have examples from people I know. For example my childhood friend, who helped her then boyfriend (now husband) though a hard time. They met in HS, and they’ve been together since then (we’re all over 35 now). Her man lost both of his parents very young...with just a few months apart..when they were in Uni & had been together just a few years. And she had not yet been though such close loss yet (by now she is...her dad died before mine did), yet... you could say that she was his rock, and helped him through the time...the most. And they are one of the strongest couples I know. So it has been so strange for me to watch the season & interviews where it’s constantly mentioned that no-one else would understand Zoey...when I don’t think that’s true. When I know, for a fact, that that’s not true. 
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Team Max or Team Simon: 
Now.. I’ve come to realize that the answer to the question “Team Max or Team Simon” depends on a persons take on certain..things. And sometimes even depending on how peope view the actors that portay the characters.  And everyone can have their own opinion on this, and they should. And I know many of us agree (on both sides) that the season should’ve focused more on Team Zoey & that next season needs more focus on each characters growth individually... 
But...there is one thing I do not agree with from people who are not Team Max. And those are claims that Max is selfish, and rude towards Zoey. That how he acted after the flash mob rejection...and until they made up at the end of 1x11, was “acting out”....unfairly. That is the one thing I don’t agree with at all. 
Yes, just like Zoey (and Simon, and everyone else) Max has his character  flaws. And we certainly saw them in S1. But... unlike so many, I don’t think that he was OOC during the middle/end of the season (eps 7-11), which many have mentioned. Even Max fans. I find these POVs...interesting. Cause I interestingly did not find his behaviour such..
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c-atm ¡ 5 years ago
Text
Dere
Ok..Venom?"
"Marvel Venom..or Guilty Gear Venom?"
Steven looked at Connie quizzically, arching an eyebrow. He pursed his lips self-deliberation.
"Guilty."
"Yandere...Completely.  He tried to kill Milia over Zato's dead body."
"Pssh! That's not how it went and you know it."
Connie wagged her finger while clicking her tongue. "Subtext Mister. Subtext...You don't believe it was just because Milia killed him now…"
"Venom didn’t try to kill Milia for Zato when he was alive. Doesn't sound yandere-ish to me, just complete and utter loyalty to Zato”
“Uh-huh, live in your denial Bisky...We all know the truth. All you need to do is play his story mode and read the ‘Night of Knives’ LN.”
It was another peaceful day in era-3. Within Steven’s home, Connie(Heart Berry) and Steven(Mister) were laying face up on his bed, enjoying the lazy sunday afternoon. Hands intertwined as they played a little game, where they named a character from any type of media and decided what type of 'Derek's they were. It was stupid, senseless, humorfilled fun and they enjoyed it so much.
Steven shrugged with a smug smirk. “I don’t agree but, since i’m such a nice guy, I’ll let you have that.”
“In other words you have no retort..” Connie shrugged with a smug chuckle. “But I'll take the W.” She pursed her lips in thought  as she tried to come up with a character. “Wizemen.”
“From underneath the overpass?”
“Yuppers.”
Steven kissed his teeth before smirking. “Total tsun, you know this..We agreed on this when we reread the series. Especially with prophet Kyle...He was always one line away from the classic ‘baka’ line.”
Connie wavered her hand as she sucked in a breath. “I concur, but he did threaten lady Aqulia with live embalming more than once. That's more of the yandere side of the die.”
“But Aqulia was a damn psycho to begin with..She’s the yandere. He was just protective.”
“Oh yeah, no doubt. She actually made good on some of her threats.”
“Yeah, she’s completely nutso.”
Connie looked at Steven, his tone of voice was not mocking but almost appreciative. She raised an eyebrow.and hummed suspiciously, catching Steven attention. He arched his left eyebrow, seeing that impish glint in her black eyes.
“What’s up Heart Berry? You look like you’re scheming something.”
“I’m curious Mister,” She let out a playfully accusatory chuckle while poking his cheek. ”Name your top three fictional crushes.”
Steven's eyes widen at the sudden command. “What? Why?”
Connie kissed her teeth and rolled her eyes as she layed on her side. Her hand now teasing his chin whiskers. “Just trying to find something out. Now come on, out with it. What fictional person did you have the hots for?”
Steven  narrowed his eyes before pointing at her. “ No judgement?”
“No, painful judgements..I still withhold my right to give opinions.”
Steven rubbed his chin before giving Conie forehead a kiss, making her smile just a bit. “Deal.”
Connie bounced her shoulder up and down waiting anxiously.
Steven shook his head before he listed the first three names to hit his mind.
“Rena Ryuga, Yuno gasai, Anna..”
Connie looked at him wide eyed before falling into gigge. “OH my stars..You have a yandere fetish!”
“You said no judgement!”
[[MORE]]
“I’m not ..PFFT!... I’m not.hahaha.”  Connie took a deep breath trying to calm down..before breaking out again in laughter again. ”It’s so off-base Bisky! I can’t see the connect here...I thought you were more of a ‘dere-dere' fan with how schmaltzy you are.”
Steven kissed his teeth before smirking.  He lifted his left index finger up and pursed his lips. “Look, I love all ‘dere’ types, ok..I don’t discriminate.”
Connie side-eyed at her Mister retort, Her lips held in tight accusations. “Off the top of that curly dome of yours came three yandere names..One of them being queen yandere herself. So don’t spit any lies about you being indiscrimative, when you obviously have a type.”
Seven chuckled as he shook his head. “No, no, not gonna admit to that.”
“It’s ok..You like crazy female characters, everyone has their types.” She reassured with an impish grin, her hands up in surrender, before placing her hands on top of her head. “But really...Yanderes? Where did this fetish come from?!” Connie laughed, still trying to keep her mirth low.
“Ok. First it’s not a fetish...It’s a preference and not even in my top three.” Steven corrected
“It’s a fetish, Bisky.” Connie retorted with a smirk.
“Second, Have you seen the people I grew up with...The people I was raised by, the women in my family. With the exception of Amethyst and Peridot, each and everyone of them have yandere-like tendencies. I was conditioned.”
Connie snorted at his playful puppy eyed look, tapping him in the chest giving him a jesterly captious look.
“Yeah sure, blame the gems for your type.”
“It’s true!.” Steven offered. “Think about it. Ruby and Sapphire are so crazy about each other, they decided to literally exist as one person to the end of time. Pearl did everything and anything out of love from my mother. Not to mentioned the whole ‘fight a fucking war’ in her name thing."
Connie arched her eyebrow in incredulity. "You believe Garnet is the perfect example of eternal love."
Steven smacked his chest, smirking at his Heart Berry ."And I'm not denying that...I'm saying Ruby and Sapphire would shatter for one another and could be obsessive when it comes to the other...Obsessive to the point of not being able to operate. Do I need to tell you about the baseball game again?"
Connie squinted her eyes and squeezed her lips tight letting out a small growl, before nodding in resignation.  "Ok...You got that."
"Thank you...Do I need to explain Pearl?"
Connie let use a dry chuckle holding her hand up ."No need. I will take your word…"
"Again, thank you."
"Though it does bring up a question?"
"Which is?"
Connie sighed hands on her cheek. "Do I have yandere tendencies? Am I also a reason for your yandere fetish?"
She watched as Steven's face went blank and doe-eyed, before he snickered, chuckled and belly laugh. The sight of her Mister happiness made her heart warm and fueled her with pride, as it always did.
She pouted playfully, with her arms crossed. "Hey, it's a legitimate question."
Steven only laughed harder before sitting her across his hips. His hands on her own as he looked up at her. Still snickering, this time at her cute pout.
"I don't think you have yandere tendencies, though some of the things you’ve done are crazy..."
"Hey!"
He laughed as she slapped his stomach with a smile.
"Come on, tell me I'm wrong.  Back talking the diamonds, taking on monsters, leaping from Lion to try to stab blue and again to belly flop on my snout just to give me a kiss…Actually now that I think about it.. You've got them. The aspects of yandere that I find attractive.”
Connie grinned in jest crossing her arms across her stomach. "Oh and what are those? the violent outburst, the obsessive behavior. "
“I mean, you are a little firecracker.” 
Connie pointed at his smug smirking face, waving her index finger with a small blaze in her eye. “Boy, watch it or i’ll show you how yandere i can really be.”
“Promise?”  
A teasing grin enveloped the woman's face. “You’re pushing it.”  She shook her head, her nose flared a bit as she exhaled in jovial impatience.” So..Those aspects?”
He arched his eyebrow and he rubbed his chin. "Thoooose aspects."
"Yes! Speak or I'm taking your tongue."
"Then silence works in my favor."
Connie smirked impishly. "You would think so, but you don't know the reward for your compliance. Besides never said it would be with my own."
"Is there any other way?" 
"I could always hold it between my thumb and index." She pressed the digits tips together a couple of times in demonstration.
"We both know you'd prefer an oral operation. So, Nehh! Ack!"
Connie watched with mild amusement at Steven's surprised squawk as she snatched and held his tongue with her left thumb and Index.
"Aspects."
"Well, I can't verily tell you with my tongue captive now, can I?" His words were muffled but still comprehensible. He wiggled his tongue after she released it, going through dramatic  and exaggerated jaw exercises.
Connie kissed her teeth but  couldn't help the smile on her face. "Oh come on! I didn't even hold it for a minute, Steven."
"My tongue is very sensitive, thank you." Steven retorted as he continued his antics.
"Big baby."
"Oh, ouch. My pride."
 The two playfully and giggly sneered at each other, before Steven reached up to stroke her cheek.
“You’re sweet, protective, caring, dependable.”
Connie nodded as she slowly snuggled into his palm.“That’s the ‘Dere’ side.” 
“Focus, cunning, calculative, dangerous,”
She gave him a playfully ‘dark’ grin. “That’s the ‘Yan’, I suppose, hehe.I”
“Seductive, amorous, bewitching.”
Connie pressed the tip of his nose with her index finger, before trailing it down to his lips, hovering it a millimeter a way. “See now, you’re trying to butter me up.” She gave him a chuckle before kissing his palm and giving him a half-lidded smile. “Continue though.”
Steven chortled at the gentle instruction. “You’re quite unpredictable at times,and quite commanding....Actually, you might be more Kamidere/ Mayadere mix.”
“Ok, You know...I’ll accept the Mayadere classification. That’s fine but, Kamidere? I’m not that brash and you’re just being a punk.” Connie retorted as she flipped his bottom lips a few times. 
“EY!  Kahanni Maheswaren, ‘Story of the lord of the universe’. Your name is the perfect title for a Kamidere manga. Really couldn’t blame you if you did have a bit of a complex.” 
“Kiss your lord finger. Show the proper respect.”
Steven scoffed a laugh at the faux haughtiness of Connie's statement, the waving of her finger above his lips, and her cheshire smirk. 
“Such a teasing lord I follow.” With a husky breath he complied thrice, getting a blushing giggle from her. 
“Maybe, but I'm also very rewarding towards my most dutiful subjects.”
Steven arched an eyebrow before giving her hand another kiss “Really now, my little Teasedere.” 
“Teasedere now, huh? First, I’m a yandere, then a kami/mayadere mix...Now i’m a teasedere.” She leaned down a bit closer. “Are you just listing off your ‘preferences’ now?”
“You wanted to know them and I only said you were a teasedere.”
“You stated I had aspects of the others.”
Steven shrugged. “They’re your sub-categories.”
“Sub-categories, he says!” Connie laughed at his smug jesterly look. “You are on top of your game today. Hitting me with zinger after zinger.” She nodded her head, clapping her hands together. “I respect that, Mister.” She chuckled again before sighing. “Making me sound like I'm a multi-class RPG character or something. Sub-categories..Cute.”
“It is my middle name after all.”
“Your third one right, Cutie-pie? ”
Steven slightly shivered at the seductive tone of his middle name through her lips. 
“So.. What about you? Mr. Universe.” She bit her lip as she traced her index on his  chest. “Where do you fall in the ‘Dere’ spectrum?”
“Come on. I’m so Conndere with sub in deredere and teasedere.”
“Conndere huh? Aren’t you being extra charming today.”
“Well…” Steven pulled her down a bit closer, a certain smile and glint in his eyes “Just being a dutiful follower.”
Connie teasing ran her thumb upon his bottom lip. “Trying to get a reward, Bisky?’
Steven nodded playfully before giving the thumb a kiss. “I think I deserve it.”
Connie gave him a quick peck before sitting back up. “Don’t you tell anyone I did this.”
Steven watched as she took a deep breath trying to ease the embarrassed blush on her face.
Connie closed her eyes, as she held her face in her hands slightly pushing up against her jaw. Both her pinky fingers and her left ring finger on her cheeks. Her right ring and both her middle fingers standing up. Her index fingers resting against her temples gently. She parted her lips slightly as she opened her eyes looking down giving him a lovestruck and slightly faraway look.
“ It’ll be alright Steven. Connie will protect you. I’ll do whatever it takes to keep you safe.”
Her voice was breathly laced in adoration, inflexibility and a bit of insane obsession. She watched as his face turned red as his breathing became haggard. She smiled gently with eyes still holding the same faraway look as she leaned down to his ear and whispered to him in the same tone.
“Your Heart Berry will always protect her Mister.” She heard him very quickly groan as he breathed through flared nostrils and bit his lip.
 “I’ll love you and only you, forever Bisky.” 
“TEASEDERE OF A MINX!”  
“Uh-oh!”
Connie screamed out a laugh as Steven sat up, rolled over and pinned her under him.
“Was it too muuu-” She was interrupted by him nipping at her collarbone, causing her to  sigh and moan through the laughter as her hands.found his upper back and stroke the back Of his curly haired skull; her knees squeezed against his sides keeping him in place.
“Told  you...Hhmmh! It was a fetish.” 
Her breathless teasing got him to break away from her neck. He rested her head against her and looked at her straight into her eyes before speaking very coolly and  with a trace of authority. 
“Tease me again.”
The unvocalize challenge was heard as loud as a blow horn. 
““Feeeettttii-MMMM~MMM!” Her song of a taunt was cut short as he kissed her heatedly, His tongue twisting with as they held and pressed against each other, making her melt under him.
Needless to say, their game and discussion would be on hold for the time being. 
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pollylynn ¡ 5 years ago
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Practice, Chapter 2—A Season 2 Caskett Two-Shot (Now Complete)
Title: Practice, Chapter 2 WC: 1600
A/N: Still ridiculous. First chapter was posted yesterday. Set around the time of Den of Thieves (2 x 21)
He is confined to a name for the duration. The hushed E sound at the end of it is still dying away when all eyes except, regrettably, Lanie’s swivel toward the front of the room. Lanie’s eyes linger on him just long enough to convey the very important message If you try to run, I will murder you. I will dismember you. I will collaborate with Beckett to mess with the evidence and construct and solve a murder mystery so wild that we will both become wildly famous, all while making sure that your disappearance slips from the pathetic few headlines it ever appeared in within twenty-four hours.
Then Lanie’s eyes swivel front. It seems prudent for his to follow, though what they land on when they do is not heartening to say the least. 
A man has taken up his obviously accustomed spot, front and center. He unrolls his mat with one smooth motion and regards his sea of soon-to-be Warriors with a gaze that sweeps right, left, and back again.
The women stand ready, each centered at the foot of her own mat. Castle scurries to take up a similar position, tripping as he goes, largely because he’s trying to get a look at this guy. It’s not easy. There’s no dais or anything, so he has to lean from one side to the other and go up on tiptoe to see much more than decidedly not slouchy yoga shorts, a head full of flowing grey hair, and arms that are  not at all bulky, yet looks like they’ve been twisted together out of the steel cables that hold up the Brooklyn Bridge. 
He senses Lanie sensing him as he fidgets around. He notes a certain familiar drop to one shoulder that universally precedes her delivery of some devastating blow, nearly universally at his expense. He manages, in the fraction of an instant the fates allow him, to still himself and school his posture so that when her chin swivels to fix him with an over-the-shoulder glare, she finds him very much the picture of someone ready to begin his journey. 
He sees the flash of a quick gesture from the man at the front, and the room fills with a high, whining note—a tone that’s well outside any musical scale his own ear is used to. He’s still shaking his head against the onslaught when he realizes that everyone, to a woman, has swept her arms overhead and is following her fingertips backward until something like fifty-five pairs of upside down eyes are turned on him in the back corner that is clearly going to provide no cover. 
One pair out of the fifty-five sends further instructions that require his immediate attention. Get moving. Now. Or I will murder you. I will dismember you, etc., etc. 
So he does his best. His shoulders protest immediately at the jerky swing of his arms. His spine weighs in, not to be out done, as he tries to bend backwards and can hardly fix his eyes on the ceiling, let alone the wall behind him, as instructed. 
His failure at this first and most basic of poses is a preview of things to come. The music that seems to guide every other body in the room is utterly disorienting to him. He is behind, he is ahead, he is never, ever on the beat. 
The asanas—poses, as he figures out very late in the game and then feels like the most basic of idiots—come fast and furious. in the three or four seconds over the next hour when he is not actually, actively, right this moment dying, he happily concludes that Detective Schlemming’s failure here—his humiliation—would be total.  
The instruction, to him, is absolutely minimal, but then again it’s clear that these women, Lanie included, are hard-core regulars. They’re serious about the practice. When the instructor commences roaming through the field of bodies about a third of the way through the class, they are fiercely proud when he praises their form, immensely gratified when he offers a correction. 
When the man arrives alongside his mat—when he models the pose and offers a few adjustments, then a crisp nod of encouragement, Castle gets it. He feels like he’s just run the New York Marathon in under three hours while finishing Naked Heat. He never, ever under pain of death, dismemberment and fading into absolute anonymity wants to do this again, but he gets the appeal. He will never apologize to the entirely fictional, obviously nonexistent Detective Schlemming for anything, but he might have to send yoga a sheepish card. 
“Well?” 
Lanie looms over him as his eyes fly open. He may have fallen asleep and/or briefly shuffled off this mortal coil during his final savasana. Her question booms around the room, suggesting it’s empty or close to it. His death or nap may have been not-so-brief. 
“Help,” he says simply, which wins him a kick that might actually be a fairly gentle prod with her bare foot. “Roll on to your belly,” she coaches. “Work your way up to hands and knees. Take it slow.”  
He makes it to his feet, and she takes pity on him. She stoops to roll up his mat and stuff it in his fancy bag. He watches gratefully. Pity is good now. Detective Schlemming might not deserve it, but he certainly does.
“What—what now?” He hangs his head as she hands the bag to him. Spiritual Warrior, he knows without a doubt, is just Phase 1 of his punishment. 
“Now,” she says as she sizes him up. “Drinks.” 
“Drinks?” He feels the blood drain from his face and keep on draining until all of it is somewhere around his ankles. He sways a little. 
“Drink for me.” She catches his elbow. “Water for you. And maybe some crackers. You’re buying.” 
He tries to nod, but his neck isn’t working. He tries to lift his hand and only succeeds in releasing a wave of stench from his armpit. “I’m gross.” 
“Yeah you are,” she shoots back, and she’s not talking about the stench. He hangs his head again, non-working neck and all, and she relents a little. “Rooftop bar,” she lifts her chin. “Yoga and drinks. Everybody’s gross. It’s a thing.” 
“Lead the way.” 
*************************************
The sun is bright and cruel. The gentle spring breeze is like knives scraping his skin, and his hair hurts—his body hair hurts. But it’s a pretty nice rooftop bar, at least during the three-minute grace period Lanie affords him while they’re ordering drinks—a Bloody Mary for her, water, the tiniest glass of juice possible, and bread service for him. 
“So,” Lanie begins the minute the waitress is even arguably out of earshot. “You know your girl is not going to be working out in a place like this, right?” 
“My—“ he sputters. The slow-whirring gears of his mind work on the terrible substance of her words. “My girl?” 
“Don’t play with me Castle.” She casually unrolls the thick cloth napkin and lets fork and knife clatter on to the metal cafe table for emphasis. “I know this is about Beckett. So, what? I know you can just be dropping in to every yoga studio in Manhattan. You better not be staking out her place.” 
“Her place!” He silent movie gasps. “Staking out! No! No!” 
The drinks arrive at that precise moment, as though Lanie has willed it. She keeps her eyes locked on him as he struggles to keep silent until they’re clear of the waitress, who suddenly wants to list every single possible thing they might want her to bring them. 
“I am not staking anything—anyone—out,” he hisses as soon as it’s safe. Lanie slides the tall, stemmed glass toward herself and takes a sip epic enough to signal that she fully intends to wait him out. He caves. “It’s . . . it was supposed to be research.” 
He’s mumbling by the end, but that’s not what has Lanie shooting him a puzzled frown. “Research. For Rook?” 
He shakes his head. He sips at the juice, but it burns his tongue. His tongue hurts, too, he notes miserably. He must have bit it a hundred times while trying to haul his stupid body from one pose to another. 
“Another Detective.” He pokes unenthusiastically at the artisanal butter that comes with brown, heavy-looking bread that is almost certainly harboring nasty, fugitive raisins. He tears off a piece anyway and comes across a raisin immediately upon popping it into his mouth. “A creep.”
“Demming,” Lanie says quietly. Pityingly, and that’s not so good at the moment. 
“So you think he’s a creep, too?” He tries for a grin, tries to make a joke of it, but Lanie’s not laughing.
“Beckett doesn’t.” She shakes her head in a mixture of frustration, amusement, and yet more pity. “You like her.” 
He thinks about denying. Denial rises swiftly to the end of his bitten, juice-abused tongue, but there’s no point. It’s Lanie, and there’s no point. 
“I like her,” he says, eyes on the city stretching out below them. 
“Damn, Castle.” Lanie takes another pull on her Bloody Mary. “Think you should’ve said something about that, like, a year ago?” 
He thinks about denying that, too. Or pushing back at least, saying he didn’t even know until just now—until Demming. But there’s no point in that, either. “Yeah.” He sighs. He takes a sip of water. “Probably. Probably should’ve.”  A/N: Lanie ships. This is dumb. That is all. 
17 notes ¡ View notes
thechildoflightning ¡ 5 years ago
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The KĂźbler-Ross Model Ch 1- Denial
Title: The KĂźbler-Ross Model [Masterpost]
Fandom: Sanders Sides
Pairings: background LAMP
~~~
Chapter Title: Denial- Chapter One
Summary: 
Stage One: Denial- Characterized by a refusal to accept reality in order to protect against pain of it.
In which Remy avoids confronting his feelings.
Warnings: PTSD, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Social Dysphoria, Accidental Misgendering
[ao3 link]
Denial- Chapter One
“Selected: Voicemail. One item. Tab one of one,” Remy’s phone says, a touch too cheerfully. Remy sighs, already slightly suspicious of who it’s from. He puts his finger to the screen, sliding it around as he searches for the desired section.
“Voicemail.”
One finger down.
“Daniel Zurko. M-”
Double tap.
“Hey Remy. I don’t know- I don't know what you were thinking. Flying off to Florida like that- Remy you can’t do that that’s- you could have been hurt and you can’t just- You can’t do that, okay Remy? I don’t know what’s going I on. I know you and Logan are close and I can only guess you went to him but… We gotta talk about these things, okay? It’s fine this time though, not a big deal. Let’s get you home, I’m worried. It’s- you can’t handle yourself Remy and I worry about you being by yourself. I know you’re 18 but Remy you have to understand there’s things you just aren’t capable of. I-,” a sigh, “Just, call me okay? Let’s get you home, we can talk then. I love you Remy. Call me.”
-
Things are fine.
Remy has been staying with Virgil, Logan, and their boyfriends for a few days now, and things are still very new, but Remy is adjusting just fine.
Everything is great.
His dad keeps calling him which is sorta annoying, but it’s easy enough to deny the calls. In fact, he doesn’t just deny them but ignores them completely, pushing them to the back of his mind to not be thought about at all. So far the plan seems to be working. Not answering calls means he doesn’t have to talk to his dad and ignoring them completely means that Remy doesn’t have to worry about them.
It’s a foolproof plan, denying the gravity of his situation.
And really, he isn’t denying anything. This whole spontaneous ‘run away until I can go to college thing’ isn’t that big of a deal. It’s only for a few months anyways. Then, he’ll go to college and everything will calm down. It’ll be fine. Everything would be fine.
Remy doesn’t feel fine.
See, the downside of running away and going to live with your cousin, friend, and their boyfriends is that Remy’s life has no structure. Sure, he's starting to build some for himself. He takes Cha-Cha for walks, stops by Starbucks, but he still has a lot of downtime.
And downtime means a lot of time to ruminate.
Remy thinks about things a lot. Mostly things he doesn’t want to think about. Like the fact that he had just traveled across the country with zero support from his father. Like the fact that he ran away and is refusing to talk to his father because Remy hit a breaking point and he just can’t do this anymore. Like the fact that he knows he’s way in over his head except that he has no idea what to do about that so he’s just bullshitting his way through all of this. Like the fact that everything’s pressing around him and sometimes it makes it hard to breathe and-
He needs to get out of his head.
He knows he does. He does. He just doesn't know how.
“Lot on your mind?” Virgil asks.
“Hmm?” Remy responds, pulling his attention back to Virgil. “Oh. I dunno. No.”
“Right,” Virgil says and Remy knows that Virgil doesn't believe him at all.
Remy huffs and shrugs.
“I mean, I dunno? I guess. But I’m fine. I just-” he trails off. ‘I don’t know what I’m doing,’ a voice in him internally screams, but he isn't dealing with that shit so he shoves it somewhere deep inside of him.
“Just?” Virgil asks, carrying the word, because of course Virgil won’t let him get away with anything.
“I- uh I get my roommate or roommates today,” Remy says in place of actually answering with what he maybe should.
Virgil doesn’t speak for a moment and Remy thinks that maybe he really is going to be forced to share.
“Yeah?” he says after a minute.
Remy doesn’t sigh in relief, but it’s close.
“Yeah,” Remy agrees.
“Still have no clue why you decided to do that. You do realize how easy it would be for you to get a single right?”
Remy does, and he’d rather die than be put in a single. Even if his roommate is a complete asshole, the minimum social interaction from their conversations has to be better than being completely alone. Anything would be better than being alone. Remy hates being alone.
He’s always been alone.
He doesn’t think he’s ever going to stop being alone.
“I know. I wanted to. Come on, roommates are like the college experience.”
Virgil breathes out huffed laughter.
“Okay,” he says, voice full of mirth, “I mean I’m of the personal opinion that roommates suck but-”
“No you’re not-” new voice joins in, startling Remy a bit. It’s Patton or Roman but he can’t differentiate their voices super well yet. Getting there but he’s definitely not at the point where he can identify them based on three words.
“Uh yes, sharing a room with you was the worst experience of my life,” Virgil responds.
Past tense. It’s Roman then.
“Two things. One, we currently share a room so that’s bullshit. Two, you were the first to even agree with the idea,” Roman argues.
A dark shape enters Remy’s limited field of vision, backlit from the light coming through the window. A moment later, Roman disappears as he traveled away from the light source and presumably towards Virgil.
“I remember conditionally agreeing,” Virgil barters back, “And I was the first to agree because you asked me first. If you think about it, I actually took the most time to agree to the idea even if I technically answered first.”
“Eh, semantics,” Roman brushes off, “Anyways you like me to much to get rid of me.”
Virgil grumbles but doesn’t deny it.
“So what’s this about roommates?” Roman asks.
A chair scrapes against the floor as he takes a seat next to Virgil at the table.
“I get my roommate or roommates today,” Remy explains.
“And I was saying that he should have gotten a single.”
Remy would’ve hated a single. He’s just hoping whoever he rooms with isn’t going to be a complete asshole.
“Oh come on, roommates are fun.”
“If they’re anything like you were- no they are not.”
“Oh! Hey! Speaking of single rooms, Remy did Virgil ever tell you how Patton and him met?” Roman’s voice gains an eager tone, humor hanging behind it.
Remy rolls his eyes because he knows exactly where this conversation is going.
“Roman,” Virgil warns.
“You see, what happens when you have a single is that you have no one to let you inside if you lock yourself out,” Roman starts.
“Hey Remy, did I ever tell you about the time that Roman gave himself a concussion and a bloody nose because he fell off his desk?” Virgil quickly interrupts.
“Okay no- that’s not fair. I was trying to make my point. It’s your fault I fell off that desk.” Roman bickers back.
Virgil forms his rebuttal and the two of them go at it, hashing out an argument they’ve had probably a billion times.
Remy has in fact heard both of these stories numerous times, as they seem to be Roman and Virgil’s favorite pieces of playful ammunition at one other. With the two distracted, Remy slips away to check his email.
The roommate assignment hasn’t come. He sighs, and reloads it. Nothing. He sighs, and reloads it again, ‘cause he’s got nothing better to do.
He blinks in surprise when his phone reports that he actually has just gotten an email from the university. Remy lets the screen read the information to him, quickly speeding through the parts that seem unimportant. He eventually finds a name, just one of them.
Kai Jacobson.
Okay, one roommate. Remy can work with that. He thinks about reaching out, getting in touch, getting to know whoever this “Kai” is. But Remy literally got this email five minutes ago and that seems a bit stalkerish so he decides to wait a bit.
He holds off until after dinner and then emails his mysterious new roommate, eager to get to know him. Now that he actually has a roommate college is starting to seem more and more like a reality. Something thrums softly inside of Remy, and he thinks it’s maybe relief.
Kai doesn’t respond that night, but he has an email that evening and a phone number. They switch to texting.
-
It’s Logan that finds him a week later, sprawled casually across the sofa, earbud in his ear as he listens to Kai’s last text before responding. Cha-Cha was at his feet a moment ago, though the last time he leaned his foot down to brush against her fur, she wasn’t there.
He’s on his phone in the first place because his Dad called and he ignored it once more. After, his mind kept buzzing, so he opened up his texts and reached out to Kai, hoping for a quick response and a distraction. He doesn’t want to talk to his dad, doesn’t want to ruminate in what Remy has done. But Kai came through, replying to his text quickly. They’d been talking for awhile now and Remy has barely thought about his dad at all.
The text finishes reading itself and Remy holds down the mic on his headphones, eager to reply when a voice interrupts him.
“What are you doing?” Logan asks.
Remy pulls his attention away from his phone.
“What does it look like I’m doing?” he snarks back.
Logan moves.
“I’m not sure,” he admits, as he comes closer.
“Talking to Kai,” Remy says, giving a real answer.
“Oh. Uh, who’s Kai?”
“A friend.”
“You have friends?”
The corner of Remy’s mouth twitches at the comment, not quite giving way to humor, but close.
“Sorry,” Logan immediately apologizes when he doesn’t respond. “Sorry. That was rude. I didn’t- I meant- I- I think that maybe sounded wrong. I’m trying to say-”
Remy let’s Logan flounder for words for a bit, giving him the opportunity to speak and clarify, but when nothing comes from it and Logan just seems to be angry with himself, Remy jumps in.
“You’re good Lo, you don’t need to apologize. Admittedly- don’t quite know what you’re trying to ask if your question isn’t ‘do you have friends’ but if that is your question, I don’t mind it and the answer to it is yes, yes I do have friends.”
Remy does. Most of them are from home but he hasn’t talked to any of them since he got here. He’s gotten a few texts and the group chat he’s in still carries on with spamming him constantly. (It’d probably be annoying if he didn’t constantly have it on mute). And it’s- his friends are good people. He just... doesn’t know what to say.
He hasn’t even worked up the courage to text them, and he feels pretty guilty about that because they probably have no clue what happened to him. They were going to go out to the movies a few days ago and if they hadn’t been concerned then, they certainly are now. Remy knows that. But he still doesn’t talk to them.
What do you say after you make an instinctual decision to fly across the country three months earlier than planned with no explanation or goodbye? What do you say when you run away from home and, sure, you’re an adult but you have no fucking clue what you’re doing and something deep inside of you hurts and you’re scared and lost and alone and you don’t know how to deal with that, how to even begin addressing that?
Luckily, Remy doesn’t get to ponder those distressing thoughts any further, because Logan speaks up.
“I meant-” Logan tries after a moment, but he just cuts himself again with another sigh. He takes a seat on the couch, leg pressing into Remy’s feet. Considering Logan’s the one that initiated the physical touch, Remy throws his feet onto Logan’s lap. One of Logan’s legs bounces as he continues to ponder his question.
“Y’know it’s fine if you did just want to ask if I had a friend or not,” Remy said. He can’t tell with Logan sometimes- when Logan regrets saying something because he realizes it’s maybe not considered ‘socially appropriate’ or when Logan regrets saying something because it’s not quite what he meant and he’s not getting his point across.
“No, no,” Logan says. His leg bounces faster. “I meant more- you have friends as in I’m interested in them? Tell me about them. Who are you talking to?”
“Kai,” Remy says.
“Who’s that?”
“My roommate.”
“You got your roommate? And just one? And you’re hearing this late? What about priority?”
“Mhmm,” Remy agrees, “I signed up for the gender-inclusive dorming which is why I didn’t have priority. I think I maybe told you that. But yeah- the freshman dorms are generally less roommates because they’re tiny apparently.”
“Oh. Yes. I remember that now. Patton’s dorm was very small.”
“Yeah. So it’ll be just the two of us.”
“Is that a good thing or a bad thing?”
Remy shrugs.
“Dunno yet,” he admits, “Kai seems pretty cool though. They actually live locally so we’re planning to meet up. And that should be nice- getting to know them a bit before I meet them.”
“Oh. That’s good.”
“Yeah. They were very disappointed when I admitted that I didn’t play any video games. Joking disappointed,” Remy amends so Logan is aware that it wasn’t a real issue, “Or well- he was a bit disappointed but short-term it's not really a big deal disappointed. But I sated him with picture of Cha-Cha.”
He recalls the conversation fondly. Maybe he should talk to some of his friends back him if this minimal interaction between him and a practical stranger gets him this hyped up. Remy’s always been an extrovert. People around him- good people, friends- have always had a recharging effect on him. He’s been lonely without them.
Or he would be lonely. But he’s not. Because he’s fine.
Remy pushes those thoughts away.
“Oh! And give me a second,” Remy pulls his phone back out, searches for the pictures that have been sent. “Kai said that Cha-Cha was yawning in one of them and that it’s very cute, look.”
Logan takes the phone from him. He struggles with the voice commands for a moment.
“Double tap,” Remy reminds, when the same description is being read off over and over again.
Logan gives a hum of acknowledgement.
“Very cute,” he observes after a moment, “I didn’t know she had spots on her tongue.”
As if summoned, Cha-Cha comes over from wherever she was, collar jingling slightly as she settles her head on Logan’s leg, panting ever so slightly.
“Oh yeah,” Remy says, “Totally forgot about those.” He directs his next sentences at his dog, “Yeah, Cha-Cha? You have little spots on your tongue?”
Cha-Cha doesn’t reply, but does shuffle over to Remy’s side, settling her snout under his arm and nudging him slightly.
“I know, I know, you want a walk we can go in a minute,” he promises. She noses him once more and then stops, presumably settling on the floor again. Remy reaches a hand to check absentmindedly, fingers curling into her fur.
“Phone,” Logan offers, finished looking at the pictures.
Remy lets go of Cha-Cha and extends his hand towards Logan. Logan presses the phone against his fingers and he grabs it, settling it on his chest.
“I’m going to take Cha-Cha for a walk,” he says. At the words, Cha-Cha shoots to her feet in and instant. “Wanna come?”
“Sure,” Logan agrees. Remy nods, and throws his feet off of Logan. The action causes his phone to fall of his chest and clatter to the ground. He makes a face and takes a minute to find it on the floor before standing and pocketing it.
He looks over at the nearest window, checking the light. It isn’t too bright outside, but it was raining earlier and Remy learned a long time ago that while the light flashing off of puddles was very pretty, it also hurt like hell and was generally very disorientating.
“Lemme grab sunglasses and we can go,” he says.
“Okay,” Logan agrees and Remy darts away.
A walk will be nice. Remy really needs to get out of his head.
-
There’s someone at the kitchen table.
Remy is not expecting there to be someone at the kitchen table.
“Uh, hey?” he offers.
He gets no response.
The whole gang’s supposed to be at work. No one’s supposed to be home right now.
“Remy?” a quiet voice asks, sounding completely and utterly terrified.
“Hey Virge, yeah it’s me. Mind if I sit?”
Virgil doesn’t respond. But his breathing is even, and he doesn’t seem to be hurt or anything, so Remy lets the worst of the worry leave him. He’s been friends with Virgil for years. He knows how to handle this.
“Okay. Well I’m going to keep making breakfast then,” he says after a moment, and continues into the kitchen. He throws a bagel in the toaster and pulls out what he’s pretty sure is jam. The contents catch in the light, which is a good sign, but Roman and Patton aren’t super great at putting things back in the same spot (though Remy knows they’re both trying) and it’s still a pretty unfamiliar kitchen to Remy.
He gets the jam- and it is jam- on his bagel and let’s Virgil know that he’s going to join him at the table.
He walks over slowly, waiting to see if Virgil gives any indication that he doesn’t want Remy coming near him. But he doesn’t really respond in any way so Remy takes a seat across from him.
“Hey Virgil, not a great day?”
It’s obvious that it isn’t, considering Virgil isn’t at work, but Remy still asks. He’s not really sure where Virgil’s at right now, but the question can’t hurt and should be an easy one for Virgil to answer.
“No,” Virgil confirms.
Remy nods, but he isn’t super happy about how short that answer was.
“I- Do you need help with grounding or anything?”
“No,” Virgil answers, “No I- I know I’m here. I know I’m in the kitchen. I- just- I’m really scared,” he admits.
“Okay,” Remy says, “Do you need or want anything from me?”
“No- I- it’s okay. I’m okay. I know I’m okay.”
“You’re sure?”
Virgil sighs roughly.
“Yeah,” he says, and his voice seems a bit clearer, “Yeah, yeah I’m good. I’m okay. I’m safe.”
“Alright then. Well I’m leaving a bit to meet up with Kai.”
Virgil knows that information, Remy and Kai had planned to meet-up two weeks ago. But, with Virgil where he was at now, Remy thinks the reminder can’t hurt. It’ll give Virgil time for him to be okay with Remy leaving the house.
“You’re leaving the house?”
The fear is obvious in Virgil’s tone, even as Remy knows he’s probably trying to hide it.
“Yeah,” Remy says, “In about an hour. Don’t really know how long we’ll stay.”
Be as specific as possible, Remy remembers. Give Virgil space to respond. Acknowledge his fears, validate. Don’t let those same fears control decision making. Adapt, adjust, but keep moving forward.
“Do you want me to drive you?” Virgil offers. His fingers drum on the table.
“I was planning on taking the bus,” Remy says. He’d spent and hour last night trying to figure out the times online. It had been a frustrating experience, but he thought he’d finally figured it out.
“Oh.”
Remy knows Virgil, so he speaks up once more.
“Do you want to drive me?”
Remy doesn’t know what’s going through Virgil’s head right now. But he’s obviously scared- scared enough he hasn’t gone to work today, hasn’t left the house. It’s because Virgil hasn't left the house, that Remy is surprised Virgil even offers to drive him, but Remy also understands that Virgil probably doesn’t want him somewhere he isn’t positive Remy’s going to be safe at. And right now, Remy doubts there’s many places Virgil’s considering safe.
It had taken a while for Remy not to feel offended. When they were younger, Remy was insistent on being independent even as more and more people took that away from him. When he had first met Virgil, Virgil had seemed to do the same thing, not wanting Remy to be alone, go out by himself, etc. And Remy had hated it.
They fought about a few times before finally talking about it. Remy shared that he felt that Virgil was stealing away his independence instead of letting Remy come to him when or if he needed support. Virgil had apologized and shared that it had nothing to do with Remy, it was Virgil, and it was trauma, and he was working on it but sometimes he just got so scared and had to make sure Remy was safe. He couldn’t let Remy get hurt.
Virgil had worked on those fears, that lingering trauma and Remy had worked on not taking it personally and giving Virgil extra reassurances.
“I-” Virgil attempts, and right, Virgil’s offering to drive him. “I want you to be safe. I don’t want to leave the house.”
“I’m going to be safe,” Remy promises, “Do you want me to give you the address? I can also text you when I get there and when I leave if you want.”
“I-” Virgil hesitates, “Can you?”
“For sure,” Remy confirms, “I’m going to go get ready now. You good?”
“Eh,” Virgil offers, and Remy’s willing to take that.
He slips away to take a shower and then get dressed.
It’s getting dressed that trips him up, and he’s not even sure why. He doesn’t really care if he looks nice or not, he’s just meeting his roommate for the first time. He genuinely doesn’t feel a need or desire to look a certain amount of presentable. It’s more- it’s more his body he thinks. How his clothes look on his body. He’s all sharp edges. He’s tall and thin and rectangular, and his clothes show that. And when Kai sees him, they’re going to think…
Kai’s going to think what?
Kai’s just going to think he’s a guy wearing clothes. That’s literally it. Remy knows that. He doesn’t think that Kai’s going to pass judgement on him for what he’s wearing or not. And they wouldn’t pass judgement on Remy’s body intentionally, Remy knows that. But they- what if they pass judgement on his body unintentionally?
And why does that even matter to Remy? His body’s fine. He’s- he knows it’s fine. He’s fine with it. He likes his body. But Kai’s going to think…
Kai’s going to think he’s a guy.
But that’s right isn’t it?
Remy’s heart pounds in his-their-her-xyr-eir his chest.
He takes a deep breath.
“You’re a guy,” he says out loud to himself. “Kai’s going to see you and they’re going to think you’re a guy, and they’re going to be right.”
Remy pushes everything else to the side, stops worrying about how he looks. (Or more- he starts ignoring the fact that he’s worried about how he looks and what that means) and he moves to leave the house. He wants to talk to Virgil again first, so he doesn’t have time to be worrying about anything so it’s fine.
It’s fine.
He’s fine.
He.
“Virgil?” Remy calls when he’s back in the living room.
“Couch,” Virgil replies, “What’s up?”
“I’m headed out now.”
“I-” Virgil hesitates for just a second, “Okay.”
Remy knows how much strength it takes for Virgil to say that.
“Can I have the address?” he then asks.
“Yeah,” Remy says. He gives it to him, as well as which bus he’s taking, and promises to text him when he gets there and when he heads back.
“Okay, I gotta go,” Remy says eventually.
“Okay. Can-” Virgil cuts himself off. Remy waits. “Can I give you a hug?” Virgil eventually asks.
“Yeah,” Remy says, and then he’s being wrapped up in Virgil’s arms.
Virgil gives really good hugs. They’re firm and securing and loving and nothing like how confining his father’s have always felt. Remy lets himself melt into a moment, before slowly pulling away.
He gets Cha-Cha in her harness, calls out a goodbye, waits for one in response, and is out the door.
-
Remy arrives there perfectly on time and gets in line because coffee. He quickly texts Virgil to let him know that he's arrived and then texts Kai as well to tell them the same thing.
He’s just had someone show him to a table when a figure leans over him and speaks.
“Remy, right? I’m Kai.”
“Yeah,” he says with a smile, and reaches a hand out. Kai takes it and shakes it before dropping the hand and then sitting at the table.
“This Cha-Cha then?”
“Yeah,” Remy tells them, “You can say hi if you want.”
With permission Kai greats his dog with some cheerful cooing and pets. After a moment they stop and fall into semi-awkward silence.
“So,” Kai drawls.
“So,” Remy responds.
“I’m sorta awful at socializing,” Kai admits with a small laugh.
“That’s okay,” Remy says, “I don’t think I’m much better.
Five minutes later and they’re talking like they’ve known each other for years, initial awkwardness gone.
They talk about their dorm a bit, and Kai brings up their excitement at a gender-inclusive dorming option. Remy agrees with them, a smile on his face. Kai’s excitement is easily explained, the use of changing they/them and he/him pronouns making it clear why they picked it. Remy knows that he himself has to be hard to place. Kai probably assumes he’s just an ally. Which he is (isn’t he?). Remy almost wishes that Kai would ask him why he chose these particular dorms.
Except maybe not, because Remy knows what he’d answer.
He’s a guy. He’s cis. It’s fine.
He’s fine.
He’s fine. He’s fine. He’s fine.
He. He. He.
~~~
taglist below
~ask to be added or removed~
@mewithanie @eddies-spaghetti @lemonyellowlogic @savioursailor @goldteethandacurseforthistown @you-betcha-weirdo
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mintytrifecta ¡ 4 years ago
Text
I’d Spend Them With You
Also on A03: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22454086 Garfield has been around for a long time. He knows this, and he’s getting pretty tired of it. No matter how much he tries to have any semblance of a normal life cycle, it always comes back and bites him in the tail.
So now here he stands, inside of an old abandoned theatre filled to the brim with thousands of cats, debating on whether they, as cats should question Primal Self on why they have nine lives.
“I’m sorry Finn I just don’t see the point in this. Seems more trouble than it’s worth.’’
“The humans are people of knowledge just like us, they research and explore their universe and their lives I don’t see why we can’t do the same!” Finnigan McEily, lived eight lives, on his ninth. Spanning seven centuries, approximately 14 years old. He’s the head councilman in the Muncie region, followed by Garfield himself being the second. Of course, what Finn doesn’t know is that Garfield can take away his authority at any moment.
Not that he wants to do it anyway, too much work and stress, he’d much rather not do all of that thank you very much.
“Yeah well what will we do with that knowledge once we get it? We’ve lived near humans since before time was counted we know they like to stick their noses where they don’t belong, I’d rather not follow in their footsteps.”
“Great Bastet, how much more in denial can you get-”
“Finn I was there to see the worst of what humanity can offer. I’ve been on the receiving end of human curiosity and let me tell you it is not fun. We have no idea how to explore our lives, much less understand why we are the way we are. There really is no point in doing this.”
In another life, he might have said differently. He might have agreed and said they could benefit from this. But unfortunately, he’s lived too many and is quite certain this will only end in disaster.
“We are ancient and loved. We have seen civilisations rise and fall and we’re able to tell the tale. Yet the only thing we haven’t figured out is how. I, for one, think this could be beneficial to us as a society and a species.” That was Amelia Sternman, third head of the council. Lived eight lives, spanning five centuries, ten years old. She’s joyful, ignorant, poetic and wide-eyed and Garfield would love to do nothing more than to claw her tail into a clean shave. Damn maine coons…
If Garfield was in another life, in the garden, he probably would have been her best friend. Jovial, forever young, stupid, they could’ve been mistaken for siblings from different litters. Sure she can use big words but they ain’t making her any smarter. She has no idea what this means.
Garfield recalls a time where he would have jumped on this idea right away. He fed on knowledge in that life. He had to, he was a detective, after all.
Samuel Elias Spayed. Lived in the 1920s, just your run of the mill hard boiled detective doing his job. Died in a shootout with a gang in 1931. Overly curious, stuck his nose where it didn't belong and it ended up working out great for him.
But, he’s getting ahead of himself.
“Why can’t we just keep doing what we’ve always done and go on with our lives. Accept that yeah, this is a thing that just happens and be done with it? Man, how long is this meeting I want to go home already.”
He heard a wallop in the audience, agreeing with him. Good, he’s not the only one bored out of his mind.
Finn sighs and strikes down on the stage floor with his paw three times “Alright fine, meeting adjourned for this week, but we will keep discussing this matter next time. You’re free to go.”
Garfield jumps off the old rusted podium onto uncomfortable old wood,the stage creaks and groans with every step his fellow pets make.
As Garfield steps out of the Bijou he thinks of how impressive it used to be. Standing proud and intimidating, it's lights aglow. Try hard enough and he can still hear the music playing from the pit. Strain his eyes enough and he swears he can see the actors performing their final number.
A piece of this land, always here to be remembered, yet never to be fixed.
He always felt a sense of connection to the building. Who knows, maybe in a previous life he was a pet to one of the cast members.
Not every life gets remembered, not every person gets photographed. Hell, he can't even remember what he ate for breakfast that day.
Maybe it was the sense of community that always drew him back there, he thinks. Letting his feet take him wherever they please. Garfield always feels better with other people around, as much as he tries to deny it.
After living for so long loneliness creeps up on you and crushes you inside out. Being with someone gave him a distraction. A thought that maybe… he didn't have to go through it alone.
He remembers the watercolour streaks of stars in his first life. Ancient and hard times, yes. But beautiful nonetheless. The world was new and naive. The older he got, the more stars went out. Now they’re practically all gone.
So was he. Crushed to death with a tree. His teeth crushed and mouth left bleeding. It wasn't too bad a death, he didn't have to suffer for long.
He thinks of Finn handling things in today's meeting. The felines asked for a day's meeting just between themselves. Finn trying to handle everyone talking at once doing his best to stay on track. Garfield wanted to laugh at how apparent it was that Finn wanted to scream. The dogs eavesdropping didn’t make it any better.
While there has been evidence that dogs traverse lives, they didn't want to test the theory and the dogs never said anything. It's a win win in Garfield's book. They don't touch their business and they won't touch his.
Walking along the road, he hears music coming from the park across the street. There was a performance by a touring folk band, Garfield is sure he can see Jon and Liz in the audience. After enough tries Jon’s given up on dating her and they opted to stay close friends.
Romance… what an odd thing, Garfield thinks. Everyone strives for a deeper emotional connection yet Garfield can’t remember any life he’s been in where he looked for a partner except his current one.
Connection was never his forte, often times he found himself opting out of meaningful conversations and friendships when they got too personal. He doesn’t know why he’s doing it, but he dies inside every time he does.
Baast’s Honor, how he wishes he could talk to someone. But no. he can’t be vulnerable. His previous lives showed enough of that. Vulnerability led to loneliness, loneliness lead to abandonment and a much faster death.
Stuck in an uncomfortable liminality between intimacy and isolation, Garfield found himself in a numb state. Constantly grumpy and always eating to distract himself, he’s sure whatever deity out there responsible for cats is rolling in their grave in disgust and horror.
The band is stopping for a piano solo, Debussy. Arabesque number 1. The corners of his mouth twitch upwards. He remembers Sarah playing this song…
His favorite life. After his untimely death occurring to an accident on set in a previous life, this one was a great change of pace. No worries, just peaceful times living with Sarah. He was almost her second piano teacher. Lucky one of his previous lives was that of a court musician's pet. Lived in her home from when she was a child and lived to see her child.
He continues walking and thinks of his home. His first home in this life. A beat up old Italian restaurant in a beat up old part of the city. Forgotten by humans, adored by cats. His whole family lives there.
Almost.
His dad doesn't. He left before Garfield was even born. Not that it bothers him any, he's got Jon and that's good enough for him. Garfield hisses softly to himself.
He remembers eating lasagne for the first time. It was his first ever meal, eaten five minutes or so after he was born. His mother laughed at his already large appetite.
Unfortunately a few minutes later he was taken away by the owner, thrown into a cage with other whining and screaming animals. The cage taken into a shelter and Garfield placed inside another cage. Begging and pleading to be taken by a human. Garfield cowered in the corner, confused and frightened. Some of the older folks tried to explain the situation to him, but all he cared about in that moment was being back with his mom.
A few days later, a brunette entered the shelter and Garfield caught his eye.
It took him a while to warm up to Jon. He knew humans weren't harmful to him, especially not one like Jon but he couldn't help but not be nervous. His previous life left a bitter aftertaste of humans…
Garfield feels a shiver go down his spine. He hated thinking about it. Being a lab experiment was one thing, almost being killed in the jungle after turning into a dog was another. Both sucked.
It felt wrong to be a different creature. Everything that he knew from his previous lives suddenly meant nothing. This was new, uncomfortable ground that he wasn't ready to explore. Garfield cringed inwardly.
He feels terrible saying that. He used to love exploring. It was his whole purpose in multiple lives. As a pirate, a space thief, cowboy, hell one of his jobs was literally exo-planetary explorer! Of course, both instances in space led to him gaining an extra set of lives for some goddamn reason.
He doesn't know whether to be thankful for it or despise it.
His feet come to a stop. The smell of old wood and abandoned concrete hits his nose with familiar pleasure. His family's home.
His home.
He runs to the back and squeezes through a hole in the wall. He knows why his instincts brought him here, speeding to the kitchen, he finds his clowder.
Ranging from his half brother Raoul, to his aunt Rockelvia. They run up and greet him with excitement.
"Look at that, ol' tiger's back." Uncle Morty exclaims, wrapping his tail around Garfield’s back paw and headbutts him.
"Took you awhile to come visit us. What you getting tired of your family?" Aunt Em scolds him from the top of a cabinet. Her tail swishing back and forth in a lazy welcoming matter.
Garfield chuckles. "Quite the contrary. You know I'd visit more if it were allowed by the Council. Unfortunately they don't take too well to anyone born outside a vet, shop or a human's home."
He hears great grandfather Oslo scoff. "Darn pets. They're the ones who kicked us out, you know."
Garfield rolls his eyes and replies, "Yeah I know you only whine about it every time I come over. But that's not why I'm here, do you know where mom is?"
"Check the dining room, she likes to sleep near the tables."
Garfield nods and makes his way towards his mom. After Luigi's Palace closed down she along with the rest of the family were considered strays and forced to leave the community.
"Mom? You here?"
"Table six, sweetie."
With a smile (and a few falls) Garfield makes his way to the top of the booth. He runs to his mom and headbutts her playfully, saying hello.
"Why, it's good to see you too, Garfield. What's the reason for your sudden visit?" She speaks softly.
Garfield sits down next to her and begins to explain,
"The council wants to initiate conversation with Primal Self. Not only that but to experiment on it and find out why it happens. I don't know about you but the idea of doing it sounds ridiculous and unnecessary." He says with a pout.
Sonja looks at her son with a curious gaze before replying.
"Well, my mother told me that the reason it happens is because the animals of the world were jealous of us cats having so many lives so they asked their ancients to curse all cats to come with a trial. This trial shall be held on each fifth life and determine whether a cat deserved its other lives in peace, or if they had to work for it. The ancient spirit of cats listened to their pleas and in sympathy, obliged. Following every cat on their fifth life and bringing out their ancient instincts."
Garfield stared at her in confusion, he was around before time was even thought of. Surely he'd remember something this important.
"But that's just an old queen's tale. Nobody knows for sure. I can't offer you much help with this, but I can support you in your council. Even from afar."
Garfield smiles and cuddles with her for what seemed like a lifetime before getting up, proclaiming he needs to return home.
As the moon shone on him walking down the street, he thinks of how wonderful this world is; despite its messes. He knows it is.
After all, he's been around for a long, long time.
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