#this is like a combo of fake dating and fuck or die

[trickstarbrave]

i have a dumb plot bunny in my brain that wont go away

sometime like. i guess before the war a member of house dres sees nerevar and decides to take nerevar as his concubine. nerevar the whole while is trying to think of a way out of it, looking for an escape plan that will actually keep him free. hes drinking or using skooma to cope with the shit in the mean time. all the while voryn has been looking for him

voryn eventually hears a rumor that a dres nobleman has a concubine that seems to match nerevar's appearance. going to his home sure enough, its nerevar. in a rage he ends up just poisoning the guy and taking nerevar while nerevar is intoxicated/passing out. back at kogoruhn a few recall spells and teleportation later, nerevar wakes up thoroughly annoyed because if it was that easy he would have done it months ago. now house dres is gonna know voryn was the last guy to see that nobleman alive AND nerevar is missing. but with some more thinking he has them fake documents that nerevar was 'bought' by voryn as thats prob the only way they are gonna let this go

queue nerevar and voryn having to act as lord and concubine. its a careful little dance theyre both playing, trying hard not to slip up. people from house dres KNOW they were friends, and are trying to catch them in the act as proof the guy was murdered specifically by voryn to free nerevar rather than "happened to die by completely chance after he sold off his favorite concubine sex slave"

theres scheming and planning from nerevar. along with a lot of 'practice'. that both of them enjoy far too much. fake punishments, illusion magic to make nerevar look bruised, etc etc. nerevar and voryn both feelings ashamed theyre way too enjoy the act when they're supposed to be 'friends' who are 'forced to act like this'. and ofc hushed whispers where they reassure the other and feel comfort holding the other at night (just because thats how a lord and his new favorite concubine would sleep. obv. the fact they are secretly in love with the other cant be revealed)

[sitp-recs]

For the trope ask game, if you still want to (I just queued the post for myself and I am also worried that tomorrow-me won't be prepared haha), how would you rate Soulmate AUs (I was thinking specifically soulmarks, but any is fine), Forced Proximity, and/or Arranged Marriage?

Thanks so much anon! I hope you’re feeling refreshed to do it today 😂🙌 would love to hear your thoughts on these, if you feel like it!

Soulmate AUs

C: Neutral.

I’m pretty neutral on soulmate fics in general because they tend to be a bit too dramatic for my tastes, but I do read them occasionally! And Drarry has some truly excellent ones. My fave take is when they don’t know they’re soulmates (or they don’t think they are) but end up falling in love anyway. There’s something compelling about doomed lovers defying the odds 🤌🏼 I like it when authors find a way to make soulmate AUs feel earned and organic within the enemies to lovers context, instead of just putting them in situations where they “have to do it”, and it’s fun to see cool soulmark ideas! Written on the Heart is a fabulous classic ofc, and I also love Highly (in)Compatible. Fuck buddies+changing soulmarks, I live for this combo!

Forced proximity

B: Like it. Not one of my bigger cravings, but it can scratch a certain itch

I appreciate the range of this trope because it can go so many ways, not necessarily involving dubcon/fuck or die situations, which is always nice. Going through my bookmarks I realized I prefer case fics or quiet flat sharing, the kind that mixes UST and domestic bliss. Bodyguard? Yes please. Stuck in a sentient house? Jam. Forced marriage cottagecore? Just what the doctor ordered 😌

Arranged Marriage

C: Neutral

I almost went with a D for this one because it’s not a trope I usually go for - more often than not, I find the explanation behind the arranged marriage a bit too unrealistic and it can take me out of the fic. I feel the same with fake dating to be honest. I just realized that I simply haven’t read this trope enough to have a well-formed opinion about it. I don’t have it on my radar and won’t come across it unless I see it recced; that being said, I really loved Bixgirl’s classic TOBM - I found it both hot, creative and emotionally satisfying. A+ characterization, hate sex 🔥gorgeous imagery and so many memorable quotes! That one is a masterpiece imo.

Send me a trope and I’ll rate it!

[sazzafraz]

The Great Project

It's Astrology Natal Chart Time

the inside of my brain is a bowl slippery noodles that catch on each other, but the end result is usually nart and, lately, astrology. this was a very original interest for me to (re)take up in 2024, i'm sure. but brats playing and i'm sick*** as hell so here are my correct opinions. if you have some background knowledge and are reading this, i use primarily ancient astrology (in this case that means i'm only talking about the traditonal planets) but characters are objects, not people, and i would argue that the more psychological affectation of modern astrology is of better use. this is also a No Math reading. the slow moving planets will go where i say for these fake people.

Nart Fart

Taurus Asc

Libra Sun

Sagittarius Moon

Libra Mercury

Libra Venus

Aries Mars

BYO Jupiter

Aquarius Saturn

Forgot he was a libra which is something libra men can do to you. in this specific way talk-no-jutsu is a superpower all librans have. the sun is not actually the most complex placement and i REALLY don't think that he's solar ruled so i don't have much to say. he's a libra! take him to the mall!

his moon tho!! i love to cheat and give charismatic but unstable men libra moons. this is because of all the war crimes libra moon men* commit. but i actually think he's a sagittarius moon so congratulate naruto for getting one of the only placements that could suggest a Massive Wang. sag isn't a comfortable moon, it's lucky and gregarious but equally capable of pure delusion because you DO get lucky. it's also the moon i'd pick for someone who was deliberately socially abrasive, if not outright rude. but he needs a social moon; one that looks outward to sooth his emotional self. and since i said No to a libra moon and i have several reasons to not put cancer it's this or aries. i do think aries works! but why i would minorly put sag above it, is that the entirely fight for nart is philosophic: how does he live in konoha. how does he overcome kurama. how does he convince sasuke. and combined with the positive aspects of t-n-j i think this is a great expression of a venus-jupiter combo. this can be answered with martian power, but it's a better story if it isn't!

(watch nart have been born canonically on a full moon so it's aries by defaut)

mars is also fairly important and i do actually give this one to aries. no arguments he just acts like a dude with an aries mars. i think his venus and jupiter, despite being so important, are also up for grabs. i'd hear libra for both. i'd hear leo for venus. i'd hear leo for mercury, which isn't possible! straight up: i do not like any of the mercury choices i don't think any suit how he thinks and acts. i don't even think he has a libran mercury, but its the least No one i can think of. can't always win.

i am dead certain he has a helpful saturn, which sounds insane when you think about all the restrictions he was born under but that shit sorts itself out before he's even twenty. as a bitch with a shitty saturn i could never!!!!! reorders and restructures his whole society.........aquarius coded tbh.

i think he's moon ruled, and i'm less fussed about the ascendant but i'd pick taurus over cancer**. congratulations to naruto for getting one of the other Humongous Cock indicators.

Sasgay

Aries Asc

Leo Sun

Cancer Moon

Virgo Mercury

Cancer Venus

Cancer Mars

Cancer Jupiter

BYO Saturn

it's britney bitch! it's a man with a really lucky chart. this is why he didn't IMMEDIATELY die when itachi started pulling shit. he knew he was an aries rising with a leo sun and a cancer moon and heck why not a cancer jupiter too. super funny to do that given, ya know. the massacre. but how are you going to fuck it up saz? how are you going to make this awful. SO glad you asked. cancer mars. evil, evil placement. this is a joke of course: astrology has no dictation on morality. that's on you. this is also not a joke, in that of there's one placement i would actually never date and it IS a cancer mars. their feelings are never, ever a joke and they will stalk you to the ends of the earth to ensure you know that. your feelings, however? they are always up for debate. if you have ever wanted to live rent free in someones mind but somehow still pay for it, here you go. fuck a cancer mars tbh.

know what lets really fuck it up and give him both a cancer venus and chiron. cancer fourth house stellium. huge mamas boy if she hadn't been muuuurdered. also could work with the way he just, fucks off in boruto. lets never met again, sarada! i believe in apple by charli xcx! these generational wounds STAY unhealed!

you know what would be so funny and make zero sense. if sasuke had a cap saturn. he SHOULD hae an aquarius one if thats what i chose for nart but this is funnier. functional saturn! no weapon made against you shall prosper (past the age of 27)! too bad ur ideological opponent is You Free From The Shackles of Society And With a Railgun.

Why Isn't Sasuke a Scorpio Sazz? Aren't All Antihero's Scorpios Sazz? He Wears A Lot of Navy Sazz? Fool. Itachi is the scorpio. Itachi is the most gem sun, scorp moon bitch i've ever seen. he is AN ACTOR. he is A TRAITOR TO HIS COUNTRY LEAKING STATE SECRETS. he is GASLIGHTING YOU. besides sasuke has all that martian energy anyway. he'll just break up with you in person instead of faking his death and framing you for it.

(actually having written this........sasuke is the only one who would just break up with you)

Sakura

Aries Rising

Cancer Sun

Libra Moon

Gemini Mercury

Leo Venus

Leo Mars

Leo Jupiter

Cancer Saturn

talk about a bitch with an unevolved libra moon. sakura, your twelve and he's gay. jokes aside. libra moon libra moon libra moon. my entire life is filled with libra moons and she is one. i have never once understood the libran emotional process but i HAVE learnt that the fastest way to help is to take them somewhere beautiful, and tell them how lovely they are. aries rising because of literally her entire personality before the wave arc. luckily!! aries are meant to grow.

her gem is actually so important given her journey which is why its a gem/leo toss up but i give it to gem because she's just flatly smart. she understand process. she can read a context clue. she is On it. leo mercury has the diligence and competence of all leos but as a certified mercurian its a different kind of intelligence.

so sakura should have at least dated rock lee because as a bitch with a leo venus and mars hes the only one who would take her on a date she'd like. you can make a cancer/cancer argument for her sasuke phase, but i genuinely think she has a lot of pride and self worth. way more a leo thing. i actually have no opinion on her jupiter. this choice is Full Vibes.

okay so all of team 7 should have lucky saturns and i'm so sorry baby to do this to you. i do not see this for her. i think she may have a sun-saturn conjunction. think of it as having your light dimmed by misfortune, misunderstanding or misuse. i don't really feel like doing synastry charts for these three -i would literally have to do the math personally, but considering what I have said sasusaku could work really well here for pushing growth on both of them. they'd also definitely get divorced.

Kakashi

Gemini Asc

Virgo Sun

Virgo Moon

Virgo Mercury

Virgo Venus

Pisces Jupiter

BYO Saturn

OF COURSE KAKASHI IS A VIRGO. you know what? he's a virgo stellium!!!!!! my astrology analysis was just going to be More Squares, but this is worse for him. I can give him an exalted mercury and objectively the worst venus placement. i'm god and kakashi is my plaything.

to be more serious i actually want to make him mercury ruled and i want it from gemini, so gemini ascendant! all that virgo in the fourth house baby!!!! do not ever ask him about his childhood. super interesting bounce off of sasukes natal chart here, too. does he remind you???? of someone???? gem ascendant is what gives him his charm, here. he's very clearly a weirdo but CAN socialize. he's got lady gaga charisma. u remember the meat dress but gosh darn it.......the gal can sing!

this is a No Math chart creation still so i'm ignoring the impossibility and assigning him a positive jupiter. because i don't actually want him dead. a very positively placed benefic can take an otherwise Doomer chart to 'well, the horrors SHOULD have killed you but were faster, i guess'. i did also think about giving him a benefic ruler, like Sagittarius ascendant which would pop all that virgo in the 10th house which thematically Still Works but i do think his sun and moon should be 'below' the horizon.

i actually think his saturn is so important but idk. i'm pretty tempted to make it pisces for the delicious tension between the IC and the MC.

*this isn't actually a joke: putin, kissinger, j.d vance, stalin and george w bush have their moon in libra.

** 'isn't cancer the only true-' i am fucking around. i am counting the exaltation. *** i am no longer sick, merely correct

[thedarling]

High Dive.

7:42 a.m. Been super busy these past few days but I'm feeling the urgency of a friend asking me to draw this one League character[s] in time for Valentine's Day; "It's right up your alley and I know you could theme it! Wolf/lamb combo representational of kinship and death–"

Taps teeth vigorously with a grin, "...You had me at allegory..."

10:14 a.m. I've been in one of those moods lately where I'm hungry to the point of starvation but have zero desire to actually eat. Looked up symptoms and the top diagnosis is 'mental illness'. Cool, cool, cool... checks out.

10:58 a.m. Listening to this girl deep-dive into 'fake dating' tropes and what she loves/loathes about the subgenre. I don't know if it's my age, but I hate it. Sometimes it's done well but rarely. Often the trope muddies the waters of 'what is consent', 'what is meaningful' [in a relationship], as well as 'what is transactional' (until both parties inevitably admit their true love, which, why the fuck couldn't you have done that in the first place, oh, right, IRONY™). Seriously, it's so stupid. Just like someone to like someone and, if it's not requited, then leave the other person alone. Having to make a formula for how two people should come together is so forced and a whole lot of bummer. I will die on this hill alone, idgaf.

3:08 p.m. Aaaw! My favorite little guy got some palm fronds! What a cutie, I love him so much ❤.

3:12 p.m. Life is so wild. I just looked up this cute Etsy shop for nerdcore and lo and behold they're located in Charleston. Legit, I'm just going to ask if I can buy and pull up to their house to hang out.

8:05 p.m. Y'all, I just screamed bloody murder because I knocked my La Croix all over the carpet - just caught my backhand so bad and I'm pretty sure everyone heard it from the street. I will not blame my neighbors for wanting to kill me. To be this caucasian is... something.

11:39 p.m. What an insanely sweet way to end a night: the bestest, sweetest, realest phone call in the world just happened and gave me all the feels. I'm just so pumped and inspired to make all the things this year. There's less than eleven months left and somehow I don't feel like that's enough time.

[zorkaya-moved]

Pros of dating Zarina:

Loyal beyond measure, she’ll never love anyone else in her life. Even if you die, even if you break up - she’ll respect your memory until the day she dies, she only loves one person in her whole life and it doesn’t change. 

She is FILTHY rich, she’ll buy you anything you want as long as it’s not overspoiling you. She wants you to be appreciated, but she will notice the moment you start getting too spoiled and she’ll have to be a bit more strict, but she does want to spoil ever so often. 

Confident in the relationship, never jealous. She doesn’t see anyone as a worthy opponent against her appearance, her status, and her devotion to her lover, meaning she doesn’t judge, doubt, or anything in these sorts because she’s just that confident (and annoying). 

Will be your hype woman and will bring you out of despair (also a con, read down below).

Protection up to a thousand, she’s strong mentally and physically, she’ll fight by your side and/or protect you. She greatly cares about your safety about your safety because you’re the only person who made her feel something so unique, strong, and precious - romantic love, a feeling she didn’t expect to ever experience with her lifestyle. 

She’s always patient with you, valuing honesty the most. You shouldn’t be afraid of being honest with her because that’s what she seeks.

Remembers all the anniversaries and everything you like. Every single detail. She notices every single change in your mood and behavior, noting on it and always giving space if needed. 

Absolute gremlin, will tease you in a nicer way, actually funny. Loves seeing your reactions and loves your smiles.

She will just want to sleep next to you because she doesn’t sleep well alone despite her badassery. Sleeping next to you soothes her mind and lets her sleep better at night, even if nightmares still get to her, but, at least, she wakes up and sees you next to her and it eases her nerves. 

SHE’S FUCKING SIMP FOR HER S/O JUST LIKE HER TWIN BROTHER. SHE’S A SIMP FOR HER LOVER !!!!!!!!!!!!

Cons of dating Zarina: 

A mafiosi / gangster, being with her is dangerous (she is dangerous and the environment around her is dangerous).

Very straightforward and can be harsh in her wording, she won’t care if she hurts your feelings and rarely attempts to be nicer as long as you’re not a child. 

Surprisingly, she is a bit more conservative with affections when she falls in love: less petnames/nicknames because she only uses specific ones to underline how special you are to her. 

Can be very inflexible with her own views, she’ll do things for you but her cynical worldview won’t change no matter how much you ask her or anything, she might take your ask to see the world differently as an insult. 

Will be your hype woman but is very harsh in dragging you out of that state, rarely being sentimental and soft. She may slap you, drag you, say a lot of hurtful and agitating things because ‘if you’ve been with me, you’re not weak, so don’t you dare be weak now.’

Cold hands, she’s not a warm individual both mentally and physically in general. 

Has nightmares at night she won’t speak about until she wants to, most likely she won’t want to because it’s a showcase of vulnerability, which she greatly despises. Her nightmares are only hers to deal with.

Her apathetic nature towards everyone besides you, her family, and her chosen family (friends) will not change - she doesn’t care about the world besides who she cares about, this includes the fact that she may not give a single fuck about your friends and your family until she personally decided to give a fuck. Besides that? They’re just as insignificant as others to her internal state. She’ll be fake polite but no one will even notice. 

Has no fucking shame, legitimately no shame in walking around bare naked or being extra as seven hells. 

Can become a grumpy cat when she lets you see how she truly is, she’s a very weird combo of a grumpy cat and a sarcastic asshole, her gremlin nature is partially true in her teasing and assholery because she still does everything to escape her apathetic, stagnant boredom. 

You’ll have to break 50 walls of fake clownery to see her truer face and then you should decide if you’ll actually love her or not. 

[porcupine-girl]

Untamed Fic Rec List

Look, most of these are reasonably popular fics already, so if you’ve been in this fandom for a couple months you’ve likely read them. Which is not how I normally do rec lists, but I’m new enough to Untamed that I’m still reading through all the fics by authors I know from other fandoms plus ones that have been personally recced to me, so I haven’t made it into the deep dive of underappreciated fics that I normally like to rec.

It doesn’t help that one of these recs is 445K, so for like two weeks straight it was basically all I was reading.

BUT if, like me, you are rather new to this fandom and its fics, here are some good ones:

The Same Moon Shines Series by sami

This is the 445K behemoth, made up of 23 works, and is technically made up of three interrelated series. The first fic, which establishes the whole universe/multiverse, is 139K on its own. Basically, decades into the canon future, WWX invents time travel.

He goes back to being born, but is reborn with all his memories intact. And he fixes, like, fucking everything and it’s so, so fucking satisfying. Everything’s not perfect though - for example, he like lowkey (highkey?) traumatizes LXC by showing him his previous life via empathy and that has some consequences eventually. Featuring ace poly JC/LXC/WQ triad.

Then in a cracky subseries, appropriately called “ridiculous future bullshit”, we assume that the main six from this universe (WWX, LWJ, JC, WQ, LXC, JYL, & Lan Sizhui) all achieve immortality and find out what they’re up to in the modern day, where they’re revered in the Five Nations (this does a great job of staying in the canon world instead of ours) but of course white Western assholes do things like try and make a disney movie called Hanguang-Jun and the Yiling Patriarch where they marry LWJ off to a girl.

And then in a third subseries, which so far has only one WIP fic, we go back to the canon universe, find out that JC and LWJ were stuck there watching WWX disappear in his time machine array (so WWX actually split off into another universe, he didn’t rewind his own), and so they get into the array having no idea what it will do but wanting to chase down the asshole they love. And so a third universe is born, where they are both born with their memories but WWX is not. I absolutely love seeing how different their priorities are from WWX’s in terms of what they want to change in their new life.

(Also: This is technically a MDZS fic that usually goes with novel canon over show canon if there’s a discrepancy, so if like me you haven’t read the whole novel you might need to look up some plot points now and then.)

The Vermillion Ribbon by @unforth

AU where Wei WuXian was taken in by Wen Qing and Wen Ning’s parents instead of the Jiangs. LWJ (who is the POV character) is a super DUPER dick to him at first, like even moreso than in canon, but the speed with which he regrets his choices is breathtaking and extremely satisfying.

LWJ is a VERY unreliable narrator. He has absolutely no idea what is going on with himself or anyone else at any point in time. Eventually he at least becomes self-aware of this fact, and can at least go wait am I missing something? I think I’m missing several somethings but fuck if I know what. Wei WuXian not understanding this about him leads to some miscommunication, because WWX doesn’t get that LWJ needs absolutely everything spelled out to him in single-syllable words with crayon drawings and y’know, WWX isn’t going to be straightforward anytime he can pretend he’s TOTALLY FINE :D :D :D instead.

LWJ’s friendship with NHS is magical, and NHS in general gets 810% more opportunity to scheme and plot pre-time-of-NMJ’s-canonical-death than in canon and is honestly living his best life. It’s also valuable for LWJ to have a scheming friend because, aside from realizing he misjudged WWX, this is how he starts to figure out that he’s a dumbass who has no idea what is going on ever. But he can count on NHS to always be ten steps ahead, so it’s okay.

(ETA: I’m sorry, I made unforth feel like maybe LWJ was too dense, and no, he’s very much not stupid in general. Like, honestly the fact that he becomes so self-aware of the things he’s bad at, and does things like trust NHS to always understand the stuff he’s missing, makes him come off as very intelligent. It’s just in the specific realm of understanding anything that people say or do that isn’t 100% honest and straightforward that he is just entirely hopeless in a rather relatable way, and like I said, WWX’s go-to is hiding any and all pain so that is a bad combo.)

The Fire Lapping Up the Creek by notevenyou

This diverges from canon when WWX is on his way to Jin Ling’s one month celebration, but doesn’t bring Wen Ning along. So when Jin Zixun attacks it goes very poorly for him, poorly enough that Jin Zixuan thinks he’s dead and it’s reported back at Carp Tower as such. Sending LWJ into a dissociative state. He manages to break through to reality just long enough to find out that Jin Zixuan took WWX’s body back to the burial mounds and left it with Wen Qing, and to get on his sword and go directly there. Thankfully, it turns out that WWX is not dead, but only just barely so.

So LWJ stays there, because now that he spent some amount of time (he isn’t really sure if it was like five minutes or two hours, because dissociation) thinking WWX was dead he now knows that he should never, ever be anywhere but with WWX.

Honestly, it almost feels like a spoiler to say WWX doesn’t die, but there’s no major character death warning while there IS one for graphic violence so it’s not a chose not to warn either, so that’s technically not a spoiler. But things are touch-and-go for him for a very, very long time. And the romance is a slow burn with pining galore. And you get to see LWJ teaching A-Yuan to play the guqin, so like imagine being WWX and you wake up from almost dying to see that going on in your cave.

Velle: to will, to wish by @aerlalaith

This one is actually canon-compliant, and as it’s both quite a bit shorter and more straightforward, plot-wise, than the others, my writeup will be short but that doesn’t mean I loved it any less. Basically, it’s the process of LWJ deciding to adopt A-Yuan in the aftermath of WWX’s death. It starts just after he’s been beaten for turning against the other cultivators, and at first it’s mostly his grief and both physical and emotional pain. A-Yuan starts slipping in to visit him. and LWJ isn’t sure if he’s really okay with that at first.

Of course he becomes very okay with it, but the Lan elders and Lan Qiren and all aren’t just going to be like “ok sure you can barely walk you should def adopt a four-year-old of unclear origins who may or may not have something to do with your demonic dead boyfriend and the evil people he helped, that’s cool,” so it’s not that simple.

There’s a followup fic where, years later, LWJ chooses the courtesy name Sizhui and Xichen gives him shit for it.

save a sword, ride a socialist by sysrae / @fozmeadows

Continuing on my grand tour of Untamed fics by my fave writers from other fandoms, I get to enjoy having overlapped with foz on a third straight fandom which is just fabulous. I totally thought I wasn’t gonna read AUs and then this asshole comes along and writes AUs, which is not playing fair.

I especially love this because it’s modern day but much like ridiculous future bullshit it’s modern day in (more or less) a canonish world, not our world. So like, they fly on swords, but not long distances because it’s easier to take a train or drive rather than use up all that spiritual energy.

Lan Qiren and Jin Guangshan miss the old ways, though, and they think the best ancient tradition to bring back is arranged marriage! Because that will go over well with today’s youth. They try to make LWJ marry Mianmian but he’s like “um I’m gay” and LQ throws a hissy fit about that so Jin Zixuan (who is LWJ’s bestie and is fucking hilarious) hatches a plot for LWJ to cause LQ to stroke out by bringing WWX to Lan Xichen’s birthday party as his fake date.

But when LWJ and WWX meet up to talk this over, LWJ is instantly fucked because WWX has a small child with him and it turns out that this small child is the orphan he adopted. He doesn’t notice he’s fucked until a few days later, though, when WWX comes over for “kissing practice” and they fuck and he calls Jin Zixuan all “I think I caught a feel, what do?” and JZX is like idk, you’re a moron, don’t ask me to clean up your moron messes. And the next day LWJ buys a car seat.

Lan Wangji heard about Jack 110% Zimmermann and said “challenge accepted,” is what I’m saying here. And now I’ve written as much about this 33k fic as I did about the 445k, so I’ll shut up before I just recount the entire plot.

[yshai-tia]

. layercake

.LAYER ONE: THE OUTSIDE

name: y’shai tia

“at yer service, mate. aye, though ye might wanna ask again inna moon ‘er so-- lil’ more papers ‘ta push through an’ the last bit’ll change there. still can’t gods damned believe it if y’ask me.”

eye color: blue (left), green (right)

“pree’ common combo fer seekers, y’know? green from me ma, can only guess the blue from dear ol’ pops. is tha’ how it works? i ain’ a genetics sorta guy.”

hair style/color: black, lackadaisical

“oi now, leas’ it ain’ a qiqirn’s nest. take care ov’ me braids though, if yer lucky jus’ might tell ye what they mean some day.”

height: 5 fulms, 9 ilms

“look, ‘m tall fer a miqo’te, thas’ gotta count fer somethin’. ain’ about the height, mate, s’all ‘bout how ye use what yer slapped with.”

clothing style: predominately black with abhorrent amounts of leather

“what, like either ov’ those things ‘er ev’r gonna go outta style? lookin’ good an’ bein’ durable, ye can’t really go wrong there. an’ it ain’t like ‘m allergic ‘ta change, startin’ ‘ta get used ‘ta this whole buttoned ‘ta the throat business. sorta.”

best physical feature: absolutely everything, take your personal pick

“c’mon now, lookit yers truly, notta shortage ov’ ‘bests’ in sight, choosin’ jus’ one would jus’ be cruel. thick thighs, thick arse-- lil’ thick in th’ head sometimes but, aye, leas’ yer lookin’ at somethin’ nice.”

.LAYER TWO: THE INSIDE

your fears: physical restrictions, i.e. being bound, failing to protect those he loves and/or hurting them himself, powerlessness and ineptitude, particularly large coeurls

“cor, jus’ had ‘ta go from a fun question straight ‘ta this. lighten up, mate.”

your guilty pleasure: who’s guilty?

“ain’ nothin’ guilty ‘bout indulgence-- an’ i sure as shit don’ think ‘bout-- ... ah, fuck. guess there was one time... but that was long ‘go now, ain’ no point bringin’ it up.”

your biggest pet peeve: don’t get him started

“the fact that ul’dah exists, does that fuckin’ count? aye, yer right, ‘ta big ‘ta be a peeve. cor, i dunno, what ye cryin’ over spilt yak’s milk fer. i guess... aye, well, this is a personal one-like, but whiddle this fer a second; self-proclaimed sorts ov’ engineers who go off wif’out a single thought fer consequences. ... aye, aye, i hear ye, real fuckin’ bold fer someone like me ‘ta bitch ‘bout that, but, listen, a guy can change. it’s one thing ‘ta fuck ‘round with things ye don’ understand fer the sake of curiousity but ye also don’ see me gettin’ ass deep in allagan bullshit jus’ cause there might be a fancy toy there that tickles me boredom away fer a spell. shit’s got its conveniences, aye, not like i dunno the uses ova’ tomephone-- but most ov’ it is also fuckin’ dangerous, not sayin’ that it shouldn’ be explored proper, but not by some renegade blighter who fancies himself some magitek wiz so far up his own arse it makes yer local garlean look like a dozen o’ roses.

swear, ye got folks out here thinkin’ jus’ cause they can take apart a chronometer ‘er do some basic maintenance on a firearm that they’re ready fer solo-scavenging-- next ye know they’re wadin’ in aetherochemical spills an’ huffin’ ceruleum.

so that’s one fer the road there, ask me again sometime an’ i’ll enlighten ye ‘bout all the fuckin’ joys ov’ seeker racism ‘ve ‘ad the pleasure of gettin’ ‘ta know.”

your ambition for the future: much and more

“one day ‘atta time has always been me go of things, aye, gander though i ain’t without dreams, ‘specially now with tha’ stability in me life-- let me think ‘bout things that i nev’r really thought mattered ‘ta much ‘ta me ‘fore, the future an’ like.

firs’ thing that comes ‘ta mind would be me projects, bein’ able ‘ta have me own workshop has been both a blessin’ an’ a curse; blessin’ fer obvious reasons, curse cause ‘m startin’ ‘ta have one ‘ta many irons in the fire, if ye whiddle me meanin’. the biggest one though... even i gotta admit tha’ this is a generational project at bes’ outlook, but. workin’ ta’wards bein’ able ‘ta purify an’ clean the land ov’ the remnants of war-- speakin’ ov’ ceruleum spills an’ the like. with hope me husband says that we could maybe one day bring th’ elementals’ blessin’ back ‘ta tainted lands, thas’ his field of expertise at work there... jus’ bein’ able ‘ta rid the land ov’ imperial consequence is a worthwhile goal ‘ta me, i reckon.

oth’r than that.. there’s some silly things, aye, winna big marksman competition ov’ sorts, fish up a catch that no one’s ev’r seen ‘fore, get stronger... thas’ one thas’ nev’r changed, fer differ’nt reasons now mind.”

.LAYER THREE: THOUGHTS

your first thoughts waking up: depends on the morning

“considerin’ the curr’nt season an’ all, most of me mornins’ start with me husband latchin’ on ‘ta me an’ not lettin’ me leave the bed at leas’ an extra bell fer the sake of warmth.

which is ‘ta say me first thoughts when wakin’ are pree’ fuckin good ones.”

what you think about the most: his husband, work, personal projects, underlying worries and responsibilities he’s not prone to publicly airing

“i ain’ exactly the ‘fee-low-sof-ick-al’ type, mate. keep it simple-like, thinkin’ ‘bout what’s in front ov’ me, the next step aft’r that.”

what you think about before bed: depends on the night

“‘pends on if ‘m too fucked out ‘ta even think ‘fore sleep takes me ‘er not. still, thoughts still mostly the same ‘gardless-- usually somethin’ long the lines of jus’ how godsdamned lucky i really am.”

you think your best quality is: once again.... take your personal pick

“well, ‘lready mentioned me ass, me thighs... if ye fancy scars me chest an’ back are pree’ damn nice too, me arms got some neat lookin’ ones lemme-- oh, y’don’t mean physical this time. cor, why didn’ ye say so.

shit, uhh... well, i ain’ the type ‘ta give up, come hell ‘er high water. shit tha’ might be a flaw but fuck it, it gets results, at leas’.”

.LAYER FOUR: WHAT’S BETTER?

single or group dates: single

“the hell issa group date? like a bunch’a folk all mated goin’ out? separate mated pairs? yer missin’ me here. only got eyes fer one, so the point is prolly moot.”

to be loved or respected: respected

“this issa easy one. trus’ me, know what is like bein’ ‘loved’ without respect, shit’s fun fer a spell, strokes the ego ‘til yer cummin’ yer own pride an’ fumes, but is all the same as a grog binge down at the Wench-- ev’ry single time ye’ll wake up feelin’ like shite an’ prayin fer death. ye can get mighty high on’a pain an’ pleasure cycle like that, aye, but ‘ventually the pain wins out.”

beauty or brains: they correlate

“me baby’s got both, so it ain’t like i gotta choose. ‘m a spoiled bastard, i know.”

dogs or cats: both

“cute buggers aren’t they, the both ov’ em. been at the mercy ov’ the teeth ov’ ‘em both too-- from coeurls ‘ta imperial trained bloodhounds. still, can’t rightly hate the animal fer instincts an’ trainin’, all jus’ tryin ‘ta survive.”

.LAYER FIVE: DO YOU?

lie: naturally. but also poorly

“ain’ ‘xactly me strongest suit, fair, but ‘ll bullshit me way ‘round somethin’ if i gotta.”

believe in yourself: of course-- sincerity is a non-factor

“fake it ‘til ye make it, mate. call it cheesy writin’ on the wall ‘er what’ver ye like, shit does the job. no one gives a shit how ye feel ‘bout yerself-- jus’ fuckin’ tell yerself that ye got this an’ go. don’ look back.”

believe in love: he’s in it

“kinda hard ‘ta refute somethin’ ‘m experiencin’, y’know.”

want someone: every second of every day

“jus’ ‘cause ye already have it don’ mean that ye stop wantin it. aye, if anythin’ jus’ want ‘em even moreso. constantly, shit never stops. it’s fuckin’ heaven, lemme tell ye.”

.LAYER SIX: EVER?

been on stage: not professionally

“nothin’ like singin’ er dancin’, less ye count bar tables as impromptu stages.”

done drugs: not always consensually. but a moko edible every now and again isn’t such a crime.

“relax, ain’ like i make a habit ov’ it. special occasion, really. don’ fancy bein’ out ov’ it ‘ta of’en.”

changed who you were to fit in: naturally

“ye gotta if ye wanna survive beyond yer own comforts, mate-- that is if yer lucky ‘ta be born inta’ such ‘ta begin with. look, is called adaptin’, an’ if ye haven’ noticed we miqo’te are pree’ fuckin’ good at it. not even mentionin’ tryna fit in at home-- when i left it was change ‘er die; changed when i started learnin’ the common eorzean tongue, changed when i started dressin’ different, when i started learnin’ how ‘ta act, walk an’ talk so as ‘ta survive, hold me own. y’see it all the godsdamn time-- lookit every miqo’te who changed their name once they started livin’ in one ov’ the big cities, aye, not all ov’ ‘em do, but ‘nuff do ‘fer us ‘ta notice.

it’s adaption. it’s survival. hide parts ov’ yerself ‘ta preserve the greater whole. ain’t sayin’ it’s a nice thing tha’ we gotta do it-- but, aye, survival rarely is ev’r nice.

... if yer lucky though, if ye live long ‘nuff, ye can start reclaimin’ them hidden parts ov’ yerself back, aye, s’process.”

.LAYER SEVEN: FAVORITES

favorite color: black

“were ye expectin’ anythin’ else? ain’t gonna say no ‘ta gold either-- ‘specially of the rosey sort. they jus’ go ta’gether so well, y’know.”

favorite animal: jaguars, of course

“biased? me? ‘course not.”

favorite food: seafood in general, rustic homecooked meals, spicy food, way too sweet cream-filled coffee, nostalgic preference for almonds, coconuts, and fruit based desserts

“ye ev’r have those lil’ balls of cod deep fried in batter? could get meself sick on those buggers. too damn good. ‘specially if ye add a generous ‘mount ov’ dragon pepper ‘ta the fish ‘fore hand. ‘course if it’s good, fresh catch then ye can’t go wrong with simplicity neither, crab meat straight from the leg with no bells an’ whistles issa snack fit fer the finest.”

favorite game: card games, puzzles, anything that can spur fun competition, whether it be from hunting, to racing, to a snowball fight, isn’t adverse to the cheap thrill of betting on a race chocobo every now and again

“anythin’ can be good, fun competition if yer willin’ an’ rarin’, nothin’ like a lil’ friendly fire under yer arse ‘ta get the legs movin’ an’ cogs whirrin’.”

.LAYER EIGHT: AGE

day your next birthday will be: 28th day of the first umbral moon

“would be pree’ wild if me nameday wasn’ on.... me nameday.”

how old will you be: 29

“ugh, c’mon, i’m tryin’ not ‘ta think ‘bout it. knock it off.”

age you lost your virginity: between the ages of 19 and 21, he does not specify

“whas’ it matter? past is the past. leave it alone.”

does age matter: to an extent

“i ain’ no damn preacher, but it’s pree’ godsdamned obvious when someone is exertin’ power ov’r another. s’reason there be words like kid an’ adult. don’ fuckin’ be that person.”

.LAYER NINE: IN A BOY OR GIRL

best personality: bullheaded, smart, witty, compassionate, strong-hearted and strong-willed, brave, stubborn, impatient, and rather tactless

“maybe toss in a damn fine arse an’ voice like’a songbird-- wait, those ain’t personality traits?”

best eye color: rose gold

“bonus points if they gotta nice, natural glow ‘ta’em.”

best hair color: a warm rose peach with a streak of pale blonde

“what? ‘m a guy who jus’ knows what he likes. an’ i like what i like, cuff me if issa crime.”

best thing to do with a partner: exist with them in the entirety of life’s capacity

“call me fuckin’ sentimental, but learnin’ ‘ta fuckin’ live, really godsdamn live, with ‘em rath’r than jus’ survive... can’t fuckin’ be beat, jus’ can’t. shit’s golden, can’t wait ‘ta do it ev’ry single day on this star ‘til me times’ up.”

.LAYER TEN: FINISH THE SENTENCE

i love: “me husband.”

i feel: “pree’ chuffed, might go fer a nap.”

i hide: “poorly. mean have ye seen me, mate? ain’t easy hidin’ when yer this big. less’ maybe was in a house built with roes in mind.”

i miss: “me ma. aye, still lot’sa things that make me miss home, wouldn’ change where i am now fer the world, mind.”

i wish: “... fish. er, sorry, mind blanked there. they rhyme. been at sea fer the past few days now.”

tagged by: @ffxiv-sunderedsouls​ tagging: this is a stupidly late response so not sure how alive this particular meme is still but, here’s the deal; you wanna do this? do it and tag me THAT WAY i’ll know in the future to tag you in other things, good deal, right? right?!

[croc-odette]

i love ds9 and here are some episode premises that i wish had happened

DND EPISODE: already talked about this but a dungeons and dragons holosuite episode. jake is the overly prepared DM obviously, nog, ziyal, and alexander are players. nog’s player is clearly his idea of sisko, a lawful good paladin; ziyal plays as a cardassian rogue (played by dukat, but clearly based in personality on kira); alexander plays a mage who is kind-of worf kind-of jadzia and keeps switching between them through the game). there’s an NPC version that’s clearly also based on sisko at one point, but from jake’s point of view knowing him as his dad to compare how differently jake and nog, a cadet, see him.

as the game progresses, it becomes clear that the Big Bad is based on a combo of dukat/winn (corrupt government/religious figure). ziyal struggles with the classic DND question of ‘just because i would do this, does that mean my character would?’ except she’s realizing that her dad wouldn’t do any of the selfless things she wants her character to do. alexander keeps trying to solve shit through weird cantrips or puzzle solving instead of fighting and jake is like ‘it’s not deep it’s just a cave bat please roll initiative’. bashir and garak show up as like, the old couple from the princess bride and everyone has to be like ‘jake they’re not dating in real life this rpf shit is kind of inappropriate’ and he’s like ‘wait what? i thought they were dating’. miles is an NPC and dies. nog thinks jake’s-sisko-npc is too silly and disrespectful and jake is like ‘he’s MY dad’ and they have to take a break to argue about it and jake is like ‘your dad is cool too’. nog’s character changes to lawful good paladin rom. actually this whole game is ‘arguing about dads’ time now that i think about it, which jake is not really equipped to jump in on since he has a normal cool dad who he basically just thinks is embarrassing because he’s the ~messiah~ or some goofy bullshit. ends with them calling it a day after the final boss battle and then jake and nog privately talking about whether or not they can trust ziyal if she has to choose between ds9 and dukat, which was an ulterior motive of the game. ziyal is clearly clearly rattled by what the game made her realize and goes to see kira, who she doesn’t tell about the game but who still gives her a hug, and ziyal realizes that kira’s her hero (and like, her mom). alexander tells worf and dax about the game and dax thinks it sounds fun as hell and asks alexander if they can come next time, and worf is like ‘....... only if i can be a blood mage’. nog and jake go home and tell their dads they love them. 

shit i blacked out

PRANK WAR EPISODE: escalating series of pranks starting with jadzia putting hair dye in bashir’s shampoo and ending with the space station accidentally going into a meltdown self destruct scenario. garak is torn between helping jadzia and quark, who are clearly the better pranksters, or helping julian and odo, who suck at pranks but are his lunch friends. everyone has to tell garak that he’s way too intense about ‘pranks’ which are actually just really dangerous booby traps he puts in people’s quarters. sisko ends the episode by grounding everyone; no holosuites for a month!! yes even dax

GREAT RACE EPISODE: there’s some kind of macguffin resource on a planet (a klingon escape pod with a survivor with crucial intelligence information?), but they can’t teleport directly to it. a vorta and jem h’dar team and a ds9 team beam down on opposite sides of its location and are both racing to get there first, having to macgyver together vehicles and tools on the way. lots of excellent outdoor on-location settings and comparison of the jem h’dar/vorta dynamic and the ds9 federation dynamic. ends with the jem h’dar almost winning but turning on the vorta at the last few yards, and sisko’s team beams out as the jem h’dar chant victory. no i refuse to think this is same plot as ‘the ship’ or whatever

KASIDY EPISODE: set earlier in kasidy/sisko’s relationship, kasidy agrees to go with jadzia as a third-party observer to negotiations with a nearby bajoran colony over a trade agreement with the federation. jadzia and kasidy bond over gossiping about sisko on the way, but once they get there kasidy disagrees with the starfleet’s contract during negotiations which causes tensions, and recommends that the bajorans reject it. she and jadzia get into an argument about starfleet and its ideals, and why kasidy chose to be an independent captain rather than a starfleet captain, and how that doesn’t make her lesser than starfleet captains. jadzia realizes that kasidy is right and petitions superiors for a new contract, which kasidy approves of. they go home tenser then when they left, but when sisko asks jadzia what she thinks of kasidy, she very seriously says that she has incredible compassion, intelligence, and integrity, and that she doesn’t need or want jadzia’s approval. but has it anyway

MUSICAL EPISODE: someone already outlined a great musical ep where lwaxana comes in with a betazoid cold and it makes everyone burst into song in another text post and like 100% cosigned

SHAKESPEARE EP: holosuite shenanigans; every character is suddenly stuck as someone from a different shakespeare play. garak is an enthusiastically combative beatrice, kira is cordelia, worf is hamlet, jadzia is a very amused katerina, julian is puck, miles is duncan (”i get MURDERED?”), odo is benvolio and kind of bummed he’s not romeo, etc. i actually don’t know any shakespeare play that well but i think it could be neat. julian is the only fucking person on ds9 who actually knows any of it well enough to figure out what’s going on, except for sisko who doesn’t really care for shakespeare but generally knows about the plays (maybe a good opportunity to talk about the racism in most ‘classic Earth’ pop culture that star trek tends to uphold without criticism). i don’t know shit about the 40 plays that shakespeare wrote about british kings but i could see sisko ending up in that kind of intense role and refusing to play into it, as do the rest of the characters who refuse to fulfill their respective roles and instead find another way to end the program.

KLINGON OPERA EPISODE: goodddddddd can we see some klingon opera, mac. i’ve been dying to see some klingon opera. premise is they believe that someone is assassinating ambassadors and so they tag along with a andorian ambassador who loves opera to see if they can figure out who the assassin is, however the andorian plays it down as over-worrying and that they should use it as an excuse to enjoy themselves. worf and jadzia go and have a lovey dovey time, sisko and kasidy go and have a lovey dovey time watching worf and jadzia get super into the opera together. julian is asked to go in case there’s poison used or first aid needed, and miles is like ‘the last time i went undercover i came home with trauma and someone’s cat so no thanks i hate klingon opera’ and after some increasingly overt passive aggressive implications that julian should take HIM, julian asks garak to go with him. bonus points if for some reason they are wearing the stupid tuxedos from doctor bashir i presume. a lot of loud arguing about the opera which almost gets them kicked out. at the end of the first act, one of the actors DOES try to kill the andorian but jadzia jumps in front of the phaser beam (cue worf being very concerned and annoyed that she could have gotten killed, jadzia being very smug and pleased with herself, her head in his lap, in a pose mirroring an earlier couple in the opera). julian feels like he would have noticed if he hadn’t been distracted by garak, and when it turns out the andorian ambassador has sensitive info about cardassia’s civilian government, julian accuses garak of intentionally trying to distract him to make sure the andorian actually died, which turns into a huge argument (ideally in a very opulent klingon opera house bathroom). during the argument, julian realizes that garak was trying to hint to him that something about the assassination attempt was off; he pieces together aloud that the andorian and the actor must have been in league together, to fake the andorian’s assassination so they could not be tried for profiteering by illegally selling weapons to the cardassian central control during bajoran occupation, which they are currently under investigation for. the other ambassador assasinations were planned by the andorian to cover their tracks. the andorian is arrested, as is the actor. at the ballroom afterparty, sisko and kasidy, in a good mood that everything worked out, agree to join in on traditional klingon dancing. worf and jadzia take a peaceful walk through the gardens and worf recites some really lovely klingon poetry about how sometimes it’s NOT a good day to die if someone loves you, that none of us fucking understand without looking it up. julian and garak talk on the balcony, and julian posits that garak is loyal to cardassia, but which part of it? garak answers, very close and meaningfully looking at julian, ‘like most things... it’s complicated.’

i was about to say ‘fake wedding episode’ but literally LITERALLY that was the shotgun wedding lwaxana/odo ep. i love star trek

KEIKO BOTANIST EPISODE: kira accompanies keiko to bajor to help find a medicinal plant that was thought to be wiped out during the occupation but might still exist in a remote mountain region based on local reports. a nice episode where we learn more about bajor and see how bajorans are coping and healing. over a campfire, kira thanks keiko for accepting her into their family. keiko tells kira that she was really intimidated by her when they first met, and then realized she’s one of the most loving people she knows. just a nice episode, maybe some mild nature survival conflict, but ends on a hopeful note of them finding the plant. miles beams down with the kids to have a picnic with keiko and kira, and kira’s happy to see children playing carelessly on bajor again.

JAKE AND ZIYAL EPISODE: everyone thinks jake and ziyal are dating because they’ve been hanging out. julian’s an idiot and mentions to sisko ‘must be hard, huh’ and sisko’s like ‘WHAT must be hard’ and julian’s like oh my god were we not supposed to talk to him about this. jake and ziyal aren’t dating but as soon as sisko tries to talk to jake about it jake is like ‘i’m not but actually maybe i SHOULD ask her out’ and sisko is like fuck. okay no that’s fine. this is more of a B-plot but basically give jake and ziyal age-appropriate love interests they’re both RIGHT there

[weaselsmuses-aa]

hey human hcs again because fuck it its revamp time

Ft: My muses && Some others that i just happen to have hcs for.

My muses + oc’s in collab w friends.

Topaz!!

Age: 16

Grade: Sophomore

Born in South Korea

Became something of a musical sensation back home, and is famous for her music mixing.

Became independent at 15, moved to the states a year later with the desire to see what America was like, hollywood in particular.

Lives in an apartment with Saphir, her senior classmate and good friend.

Pastel vibes

Sassy vibes (Much more sassy than gem topaz :o)

MomTM friend. She mediates and keeps the peace. Also will give great life advice.

Judges silently, but says nothing if she has nothing nice to say. (But she’ll think it.)

Currently has a job as a DJ at a local skating rink where her friends hang out. Gets them free food and games..

Hoping to make it big in the US so she can stay after she graduates.

Parents living overseas and helping pay for her life and schooling in the states.

She spends summers in Korea where she visits her family and tours, records music.

Part of the art club and spends a lot of time in the music rooms. She isn’t in Choir, Band or Orchestra, but is in music theory and guitar. Has a LOT of friends in all those programs.

Swiss (birth name: Sage)

Age: 16-17

Grade: Sophomore.

Swiss was born in Switzerland, but has also lived in South Korea for 5 years (where she met Topaz), London for 2, and now the US where she started high school.

Lives with her Father who is from Switzerland, her mom who was born in the UK, and her baby sister Kyanite

Class goofball and classic slacker but somehow still passes and knows the material.

‘ Whoops, I forgot my homework again’ type

Dye’d her hair blue at 14, pierced both her nose, lips, and several places in her ear. 

Depressed and tired. Brings rockstar energy’s to class a lot.

Punk Rock vibes, but wears her uniform rather well. Her messenger bag is tricked out with a lot of music festival patches and pins though.

Her and Topaz both are those kids that have earbuds and beats headphones on all the time. She gets in trouble for listening to rock in class. Or talking.

Has a band, and is the main drummer and back up vocalist.  The band was her idea, but she gives her friends a lot of freedom. Since drumming is her passion she doesn’t mind not being the lead vocalist.

Crushing on / Dating the richest girl in the school (Aquamarine ‘Marie’)

Doesn’t have a job, but thinking about getting a part time one at the record shop near her house.

Oversleeps A LOT. IS late to class a lot. Usually her detentions are from tardiness (or saying some smart ass comment to be funny and getting in trouble for it)

Very protective of her little sister, and gets along well with her in private, despite pretending that she irritates her.

No after school activities for her thanks. That stuffs lame. (Though she does wander in and hang out with the game club sometimes)

Kyanite (Ky)

Age: 14-15

Grade: 8th

One of the pretty MeanTM girls in middle school. Rather high on the social pecking order due to being an upperclassmen and being a cutie with an attitude.

Fashion sense a mix between soft grunge, a touch of punk and more flowing feminine outfits, or neat and prim /professional outfits. Whatever she decides, she likes to look good.

Very talented at doing her make up and nails, tends to have a lot of requests from other girls her age for help in that dept.

Looks up to her sister a lot more than she lets on. Lowkey wants to be involved in a lot of what she does after school. (She even begged her parents to let her dye her hair blue as well right after Swiss did (She was 12 at the time))

Love’s shopping and collecting outfits and cute little butterfly themed things for her room.

While she’s in the ‘popular’ circle of girls in her grade, shes not particularly stuck up when it comes to other kids. She can be mean, but its usually to just as entitled kids. She’s rather tame and even friendly with less popular kids in her grade. She’s very comfortable around them and enjoys not being put on a pedestal all the time

Romance obsessed. (Duh)

Wishes she could get a piercing and a tattoo like her sissy, but her parents only let her pierce her ears. 

A’s in most of her classes, but struggles in History. It’s a snoozefest to her.

Currently in band and debate team. (She plays flute)

Takes FOR-E-VER to get ready to leave the house. (Hey, its not ALWAYS swiss’s fault shes’ late.)

Best friends in school are Livie and Bebe.

Spends a lot of time after school for Band practice, Debate team activities, or supporting her bestie Bebe in her cheer practice.

Really likes sneaking in the upperclassmen building. No one’s cute in her grade :/ (according to her)

Likes to fake being sick so she can go home early. way too often.

Bonus’es! 

ft some of my other... (albiet co-op) oc’s / and aquamarine cus i can

Bebe

Age: 14-15

Grade: 8th

Met Kyanite in 6th grade and they instantly hit it off well.

Bubble gum pink hair, and really likes fashion. Always obsessed with wearing the cutest combo of clothes she can come up with.

Really sweet and bubbly on the surface, but she isn’t called a bubblegum bitch for nothing. She knows shes popular and will often trick the vulnerable into believing they have social status only to humiliate them when she sees fit.

A little bit bitchier than Ky. Not that she wants to be mean actively, she just kind of ......is how we say.....spoiled brat.

As long as her best friend cares about someone she does too.

When she actually does accept you, shes a very sweet and almost loyal to the point of irritation.

Crushing on Kyanite, kissed her at a party and has kind of never got over it.

Serial dater. Literally she has a new sweetie every week. its tiring.

Junior Varsity Cheer Team and Drama club are her life.

When she’s not doing those things, she’s spending her time in her Juniors bowling team. They go to tourney during summer.

Parents aren’t filthy rich but they are not hurting for money in any shape or form. Shes always got whatever she wanted.

Loves getting gifts, and will almost try and bug people into sending her stuff to homeroom during holidays. Either because she wants STUFF or for her own popularity.

Might be kind of bitchy but really does feel bad and get upset if people point that out about her. I wouldn’t say she /wants/ to be a bad person. her parents never told her no and nor how to not be self centered.

Very talkative and upbeat. Wants to inspire her friends and lift them up.

On the other end, is a big gossip and bad about spreading rumors and stirring up drama with people she isn’t a fan of.

Show her a cute animal and she’ll sob. I mean the whole 9 yards.

 Marie  . (Aquamarine.)

Age: 17-18

Grade: 12th

Born and raised in London for the majority of her life.  She’s also lived in France for 3 years during an abroad program her parents sent her to where she met one of her closest friends (Astrid)

Her parents are filthy stinkin rich and own a foreign luxurious fashion company and a luxury car company.

Livie is her baby sister and she often tries to pretend like thats not the case. (She loves her guys i swear)

Stuck up, bratty, and just an overall bitch. She RELISHES in it. Marie KNOWS shes mean, popular and has power and she’s proud.

“you can’t sit with me, you can’t talk to me, you aren’t good enough to even know me.”

Her desire for power has her gunning for valedictorian (cue her and satoshit fighting to the death), and she’s currently the president of student government. Thats right. She’s deciding school functions and your future you little peasant fucks.

Will shove her riches and status down your THROAT oh my goooodddd

Throws HUGE parties when her parents are out of town, uses it as a tool to make the popular kids/upperclassmen love her even more and show the ‘losers’ where their place is.

Always has to look THE best in the school, and will probably murder anyone who threatens to take her places as prom queen (i kid i kid.........maybe)

Hangs out with Astrid and Mae when they’re in town.

Has a type that does not fall in line with her image (coughcough Swiss cough) and will do a LOT to keep in a secret. But....listen....she also can’t hide it well. Like...not even a little. She gay.

She’s always seen with her posse of popular girls and her two primary school friends the topazes. They’re just the schools huge UNITS of lesbian quarterbacks, their fists as big as your face, they wont squash you, promise. (look at marie wrong once bitch.)

Will die of embarrassment of her sister livie. Unfortunately is responsible for her in a lot of ways. Driving her back and forth from school, taking her to school functions and much more. (She loves her....double pinky swear) But she claims they aren’t related. (no one believes this hoe) That don’t mean she wont DESPERATELY try to pawn her off for the day. Babysitter? Butler? Anyone? SOMEONE?

Will absolutely use Livie as a means to hang out with Swiss via playdates. Oh yeah, she knows their baby sisters are besties. It’s free real estate.

Has expressed to Swiss that she wishes they could trade sisters. ( I swear marie loves livie deep down in this essay I will----)

In a wealth measuring contest with Satoshit 24/7

Is CONSTANTLY going on overseas trips. She will never stop bragging about it.

Consumed mostly by Student Government and Theatre.

[cami-chats]

Front Page

Written for @spidermanbingo

Rating: Teen

Warnings/Triggers: None

Pairings: Peter Parker/Tony Stark

Summary: Tony comes home with a little bit of bad news, but it can wait until after Pepper and Bruce have finished meditating.

Square Filled: G5-Fake Relationship

Read below or on AO3

"You want me to what?" Peter said. 

"Pretend to be my boyfriend," Tony repeated, and yep, that was what Peter had heard the first time. It didn't make any more sense the second time around than it had the first. "Only for like a week." 

"Does that make any sense to you?" 

"It makes perfect sense," Tony said, offended. "I need to get my parents off my back about settling down, and introducing them to my significant other will do it. Rhodey's already dating someone, which means you." 

Peter frowned at him. "You should not be trusted to make decisions." 

"See? Just say shit like that, and it'll really sell it. This will be easy, you already know your part. We don't even have to fake any PDA because I don't like getting touched. Well, not in public anyway," he amended. "And my parents count as public. I'm not sure I've ever seen my mother's real face; she's always acting like there's a camera in the room." 

"You're... weird. And I don't often get to say that to other people." 

"So you'll do it?" 

"No!" 

"There will be free food." 

"Fine." 

Tony grinned at him. That grin was always getting Peter in trouble because it made him weak in the knees and when he got weak in the knees, he made very questionable decisions. Like agreeing to this cluster fuck and how he was going to explain this to Aunt May when he'd been meaning to visit her over this break-- only for a day or two, but still, he knew that she was expecting that. 

*

"So I ask you to pretend for my parents for a week and you say fuck no," Tony said, looking up at the ceiling in contemplation from where he was laying on the floor of Peter's apartment, "and then you go and tell your Aunt that we're dating so now we have to pretend for her too. You do realize that Aunt May is not going to let this go as easily as my parents, right? My parents care about me having the ability to be a long lasting relationship, not who it's with. Aunt May, like, cares about you. She's going to ask about me, and what are you going to do when you say we're not together anymore? She's going to think you need help getting over a breakup or something." 

"I'd be fine getting over you all by myself," Peter assured him. 

"You say that, but I am very lovable. It may not be as easy as you're hoping." 

"We wouldn't actually be breaking up; we'd be pretending to break up." 

"Yeah, and you're not gonna sell it if you keep saying that you're fine. I'm hot shit, Peter." 

"I'm aware." 

"Then act like it!" 

"Didn't you start this by complaining about the situation?" Peter asked. 

"Actually I started this by saying that for someone that protested a whole lot to helping me out, you dug a much bigger hole for yourself without my doing anything. That's kind of impressive," Tony noted thoughtfully. "I'm used to being the only disaster, but Peter, you match me dumb idea for dumb idea. It's freeing. I like it." 

"Fuck off," Peter groaned. He knew he made bad decisions. He knew that Tony made bad decisions too, but for fuck's sake, he didn't want to think about it. It was stressful enough having to live with his intermittent panicking that he didn't want to add to it. But he was already in this situation and he didn't really see it magically disappearing for him. 

Tony-- because he was Tony-- started laughing. "Rhodey's going to die laughing when I tell him." 

"Why would you do that? Why would you share my greatest shame with anyone who wasn't there in the first place?" 

"I could always invite him to dinner one night," Tony said, undeterred by the pillow Peter threw at him. 

"I'll blow you if you don't." 

"Woah, are blow jobs on the table? Seriously? Cause like, I'm here for that. With how much you talk, I'm sure your tongue is something beautiful to behold." 

"How much I talk?" Peter repeated incredulously. "Have you ever heard yourself?" 

"Yes, I talk all the goddamn time, and I think my old partners can vouch for how it paid off for them. If I asked Harry about your prowess in bed, how would he respond?" 

Peter snorted. "He'd probably punch you because he's not out." 

"Ah, deflecting. Clearly you need extra practice." 

"Let me guess," Peter said, aiming for dry but mostly ending up sounding eager, "you volunteer to help me out of the goodness of your heart." 

"I could admit that it's for purely selfish reasons. Would that be better?" 

*

One Year Later 

"Did we seriously get together because we were both horny?" Peter asked. 

Tony swiped at his phone and got a combo on his game. "Yeah." 

Peter snorted and leaned back in his chair. "Alright." 

Tony hummed. 

[lieutenantcupcake]

I never did my usual survey thing at the beginning of 2020 so I’ll never know how 2019 was. Whoops. I guess here’s the one for the last year, for posterity.

1. What did you do in 2020 that you’d never done before? Earned a graduate degree. Experience a pandemic.

2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I have no idea. I don’t think I made any. This year I wanna be more creative, but only in ways that will make me happy.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Jonathan and his wife had a bb.

4. Did anyone close to you die? No.

5. What countries did you visit? lol

6. What would you like to have in 2021 that you lacked in 2020? I’d like my confidence back. I don’t think I had realized that I’d gained some in my first two years of grad school until my new advisor kinda made me lose it all.

7. What date from 2020 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? March 131st. j/k Time wasn’t real so idk maybe Halloween when Sarah, Elizabeth, and I had a tea party in a historic cemetery and then watched RHPS on Sarah’s porch and ate Pho.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? MFA, I guess. Though it felt/feels fake because graduation and celebrations didn’t happen.

9. What was your biggest failure? Letting shit get to me. To be fair tho, not letting shit affect me probably would have been unhealthy. Basically my thesis was fucking depressing as shit and not fun and I’m really glad I got to wing the last few months of grad school because of the pandemic (but I’d would rather have had a completely shitty time the whole time without the pandemic).

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? No.

11. What was the best thing you bought? A new computer.

14. Where did most of your money go? Rent. Fuck landlords.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? When it looked like Bernie was going to do well in the primaries before the DNC fucked everything up for him. Again. Getting into a relationship?????

16. What song will always remind you of 2020? Idk probably something from Punisher.

Compared to this time last year, are you:

17. Thinner or fatter? Fatter?

18. Richer or poorer? Poorer

19. What do you wish you’d done more of? Telling people to fuck off.

20. What do you wish you’d done less of? Overthinking

21. How will you be spending Christmas? I got to be at my parent’s house after quarantining for over two weeks, so that was nice.

22. Did you fall in love in 2020? Too soon to say, but it’s something.

23.  What was your best costume of the year? Probably Nadja from What We Do in the Shadows. I also liked my mostly closet Harley Quinn costume.

24. What was your favorite TV program? DS9! I watched all of it over the end of 2019/beginning of 2020, and tried to watch all Star Trek, which was really fun.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? Probably some politicians. I definitely dislike a lot of people I didn’t before.

26. What was the best book you read? I read like 2/3rds of one book this year lol.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery? I guess Phoebe Bridgers? Or was it discovering that I actually liked Taylor Swift with Folklore?

28. What did you want and get? A cute boy who likes me?

29. What did you want and not get? To actually see that cute boy irl. I guess technically we saw each other like Jan 2nd or 3rd last year, but that barely counts.

30. What was your favorite film of this year? I really enjoyed Birds of Prey. I’m bad at watching movies on my own. Oh wait, I def saw Parasite last Feb, so I’m changing my answer to that.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? 33. Heather, Kenny, and I had drinks and ordered appetizer combos from BDubs and Applebapple. For a quarantine birthday, it was pretty good.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Not having a global pandemic? The DNC not fucking Bernie? But besides that, my thesis not being a clusterfuck.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2020? Goth athletic wear. Not enough tracksuits for health goth tho.

34. What kept you sane? Heather. Playing 430 hours of Destiny 2.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Went on another Hugh Dancy kick, but that’s about it.

36. What political issue stirred you the most? I worked for the Bernie data entry team which was really fun and did some text banking too. After he suspended his campaign I kinda gave up on politics, but still went to every BLM protest/march in Athens.

37. Who did you miss? Literally everyone I know. Especially Bianca.

38. Who was the best new person you met? Didn’t do a lot of meeting people this year. I enjoyed the brief period of time before my internship shut down with my supervisor. I ran an errand with him at one point and his car started playing a podcast he was listening to previously and it was William and Alaska from Drag Race and I was like 👀

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

I've been running around in circles Pretending to be myself Why would somebody do this on purpose When they could do something else? Drowning out the morning birds With the same three songs over and over I wish I wrote it, but I didn't so I learn the words Hum along 'til the feeling's gone forever

[multimetaverse]

Riverdale 4x04 Recap

Who even has VHS players anymore?

Oh yikes this is several layers of fucked up. Alice and Betty are living with the Jones’ in their old house and and Alice is dating FP while Betty is dating Jughead while her and Jughead’s mutual half brother Charles is hanging around. I really can’t see how they can keep this going without having to eventually breakup Falice or Bughead or kill off Charles

I love the Blossoms with my whole heart. I love how Toni was fine carving those Jack O’ Lanterns with Jason’s rotting corpse at the table. That’s ride or die love right there

I liked last week’s ep and was really happy to see Moose back. I’m glad that they confirmed he’s bisexual but found Riverdale’s refusal to use the word very jarring and I hope they rectify that sooner rather than later. Also hopefully they get rid of Fangs for good so we can get the Koose endgame we all deserve

God forbid Archie go and tell Sheriff Jones about Dodger and his crew. Please let this be last vigilante Archie story line we have to suffer through

Omfg Brett brought the fucking Raven as his scary story. Not only is the Raven not very scary but Poe actually has some scarier/creepier stories!

Stonewall 4 eh? is Grandpa Jones bricked up in the walls then?

Nice of them to point out Betty’s Jamie Lee Curtis in Halloween costume. I like Jellybean’s Rosie the Riveter costume

I get that Brett is a rich bully but his crew are committing very serious crimes by drugging Jughead and burying him, what’s in it for them?

Don’t like the look of the creepy trucker guy

Archie is Pureheart...

I hope Nana Rose lives forever, I love her so much. She was really great last week when she heavily hinted at there being a Blossom triplet

So far Julian seems more of a very low key nuisance than anything else

The thistle house and Stonewall aesthetic are perfect for a Halloween ep and for Riverdale in general so kudos to the set designers and location scouts

Reggie and Kevin are an interesting combo, wonder if we’ll ever see more of them

I really would like to know if there’s anything more to Mr. Honey

Wow Archie did something smart for once and called the cops

Cheryl killed her brother in the womb. That does explain to some extent why Penelope hated Cheryl so much

Mr. Honey is ruthless but I’m liking this new version of him. Also though, if Reggie’s abuse was such common knowledge then someone at the school would have had a duty to report it

Lmao ‘’No bitch it’s your sister’’ is an all time great line

Oh shit trucker dude is a serial killer!

Holy shit Veronica set him on fire!! 

Mr. Honey is the pettiest man alive. So very clearly Reggie is not scared of his dad anymore which is either because his dad actually mended his ways or because his dad can’t physically hurt him anymore because he’s dead or crippled

Is this really not a deal breaker for Toni??

I definitely don’t trust this Stonewall teacher

Oh for fuck’s sake not another Archie vigilante story line! Dodger already knows you’re standing in his way, the disguise won’t fool anyone

Really hope we see more Moose

Someone is messing with the Blossoms then. Hopefully it’s not dragged out too long

Not super surprising that Charles is tapping their phones. That explains his perfect timing in showing up at the house to help Betty. He was raised in the Sisters of Quiet Mercy which we know is a hell hole

So they’re going with the Jughead fakes his own death with Betty’s help route eh?

Oh good Riverdale will be delving into junk science next week. Can’t wait.

RAS said in an interview that 4x03 contained the most craziness of the season and the rest of the season will be more normal (whatever that means in Riverdale). In fairness, it will be hard to top the batshit insanity of Edgar and his rocket or the homoerotic car wash scene

[doomedandstoned]

A Walk through the Desert of Absurdity with Mizmor

~Review & Interview by Calvin Lampert~

'Cairn' (2019) is a good cry. That was my impression after listening to the new Mizmor record for the first time; I felt positively exhausted after the last drones of "The Narrowing Way" faded into silence. Despite being on the surface a garish mixture of black and doom metal (or as Mizmor mastermind A.L.N. himself put it: “wholly doomed black metal”) there’s something comforting about Cairn, a sort of cleansing quality that goes beyond simple catharsis. And it was just what I needed. Fate has it that whenever I feel particularly down one of my favorite bands drops their new record.

Last year, it was YOB with their wonderful Our Raw Heart, and it seems like this year Mizmor aides. Even the impeccable release timing aside this was a release that I had high hopes in, especially after the incredible Yodh in 2016 and I was certain Mizmor would deliver. That’s just me of course, and your mileage will vary, on account of the deeply personal nature of Mizmors music and well...the music itself, which is anything but easy-listening. After all, Mizmor was created out of necessity, for A.L.N. to deal with his loss of faith, existential dread, and search for meaning, and, now with Cairn, the question of how to proceed with your life? Bleak stuff, even within the bleak realm of one-man blackened doom metal projects.

Yet, there’s a lot to appreciate about Cairn, so much in fact that I had an entire review written for it, only to scrap most of the draft, because I had found so many new aspects to talk about in the time leading up to the interview with A.L.N. (read below), and after talking to him I was left with an even deeper appreciation for the record and the way it is structured. An album I felt I hadn’t done justice with my initial draft. Thus, onto draft No. 2.

Possibly the most immediate quality of Cairn is the odd meddling of beauty and horror, hope and despair. One would be quick to point out the copious amount of world-weary, acoustic guitar sections (which are a staple of Mizmor's music) in contrast to the overall heaviness and abrasiveness of Cairn as the most obvious example of this, yet the aspect that was a particular standout to me was the rather unusual melody of the first half of the album opener, "Desert of Absurdity."

Cairn by מזמור

The first time you hear it it tricks you into believing that it is your standard black metal tremolo pick, but then the melody progresses into something more hopeful, uplifting even. But think less Deafheaven's "Sunbather" and more YOB's "Essence" (for the select few that are familiar with that rarity). In a way it even could pass as a continuation of the grand outro section of "Inertia, an ill Compeller" off Yodh. Good things don’t last though, and before long the melody shifts into something darker, in a process that I can only describe akin to watching a timelapse of a still life turning to rot. Mizmor never slips into outright exaltation and all that is beautiful comes with a ball-and-chain of melancholy at best, and abysmal despair at worst.

Cairn by מזמור

And it only gets darker from here. Follow-up "Cairn to God" with its gargantuan 18-minute runtime has (unlike "Desert of Absurdity") no concern for attention spans or fancy tempo changes and proceeds to drop a huge and indeed wholly doomed riff on your head. This is Mizmor at it’s blatantly doomiest to date; an exercise in patience, yet also a surprisingly varied song. But persistent above all else. The main riff is ever present, whether it is there as droning chords, slow tremolo pick or acoustic break, its resolve and grip cannot be broken, even when "Cairn to God" grinds to a complete halt and falls silent for a few tense moments, as if to gather its strength for the next step while it drags you through the landscape. In short, it’s agonizing. A labor to match for both the listener and the artist.

Cairn by מזמור

"Cairn to Suicide" feels almost like a respite. An odd thing to say, considering the less than gentle transition from the mournful wallow of "Cairn to God," to the full-on-blastbeat assault at a second's notice. More than any other song, "Cairn to Suicide" plays with your expectations, and just as you probably didn’t see that jump-scare of an opening coming, you won’t really be prepared for what is possibly Cairn's most triumphant moment -- a sudden return of the main riff after a fake acoustic outro that launches into a dramatic guitar lead over a striding mid-tempo beat and A.L.N.'s desperate howl. As with the bittersweet melody of "Desert of Absurdity," it is something that is hard to put into words (cue the saying of reviewing music is like dancing about architecture) and has to be heard to be really appreciated, but I cannot overstate how majestic, but also incredibly driving and urgent this section is. It lends a certain righteousness to despair; feeling anything but empathy for A.L.N. would seem wrong at this point. If you’re looking for a highlight, here it is.

Because of it’s varied nature, "Cairn to Suicide" also shows the virtues of the more polished production of the record. Whereas Yodh’s raw production made its densest moments feel downright claustrophobic and suffocating, Cairn's comparatively seems almost “lofty” -- “too much,” some might say. You feel vulnerable and exposed in the open space of the extended ambient section of "Cairn to Suicide," not quite unlike the small figure trapped the gaze of the towering, ominous entity that adorns Cairn's cover (yet another striking piece by Mariusz Lewandowski of Mirror Reaper fame). The art is equally reflective of that change from Yodh with its vivid colors; the all-permeating existential dread is just a different flavor this time.

Cairn by מזמור

Reaching a tentative climax with "Cairn to Suicide" begs the question where album closer "The Narrowing Way" will go. To the wake apparently, because in textbook funeral doom manner A.L.N. busts out a king size forlorn saaaaaad riff-lead combo that wouldn’t be out of place on a Pallbearer or Loss record, except it is much more bitter. No, "The Narrowing Way" doesn’t go gentle into that good night, and the lack of a pastoral acoustic outro, which had been the conclusions of the previous songs, is the least of your worries.

"The Narrowing Way" really can only be described as fucking bitter. A.L.N.'s vocals suddenly seem uncomfortably close -- it’s do or die, as his snarl shifts into an air-starved howl. The song begins to slow down to a crawl and lose form, collapsing into a cacophony of shrieks, until nothing but a distant chant remains. A.L.N. might as well have called it quits at this point but in a move that seems downright cruel a single menacing guitar rises out of the remains of the song, beckoning the arrival of Cairn's most desolate and barren chapter; an ugly, dissonant and crushing “thing” that you could call a breakdown. The breakdown to end breakdowns, really. We’re talking Primitive Man levels of sheer being-done-with-it-ness. Then, a final wail and nothing but smashed drones remain.

All gone and done, Cairn leaves you in shambles. And therein lies A.L.N./Mizmors greatest strength: his capability to craft emotionally devastating music. Yet (and because of) for how ghastly it all sounds, Cairn, just as its predecessor Yodh, is ultimately a very human record about the human condition. An earnest expression of A.L.N.'s feelings, created out of sheer necessity to expel, deadpan in its conviction and masterful in its execution. Ugly when it must be (which is more than often), beautiful when it can be, and always tugging at your heartstrings.

Whether “emotionally devastating” is something you’re looking for in your music is entirely up to you, but if it connects with you it’ll hit you hard. Granted, that’s a big “if,” but I think it’s what sets a record that is memorable apart from one that is merely good, and Cairn is definitely the former. And this is the lasting impression that has stayed with me for each listen, and each draft of this review.

An Interview with A.L.N. of Mizmor

This interview, just as the review, was unplanned. I had contacted A.L.N. a few days prior to congratulate him on the imminent release of Cairn, but before long we were exchanging bands and discussing the emotional effects of music -- something I had tried to address in our first interview at Roadburn 2018, yet had struggled to put into proper terms back then. A.L.N. offered himself up for another interview to discuss these themes, further put into the context of his new record. An offer I couldn’t decline.

How are you? What is on your mind?

I’m doing fairly well. “Cairn” came out today so I feel celebratory. Things on my mind: the album, tour preparations, other business, my cat who demands attention, my partner with whom I’ll be going to dinner this evening, my friends who make me laugh.

Can you talk a bit about the themes of the record? What is the concept behind 'Cairn'?

In a nutshell, “Cairn” is about setting up guideposts for yourself, in an effort to help navigate the terrain of life by aiding your memory, so as to avoid retracing your steps. It ruminates on the absurdity of life and the human condition, that is mankind’s continual search for meaning in a chaotic universe devoid of ultimate purpose. A person can have one of three responses to this premise: choose to reject reality and believe in God instead (to give your life a sense of ultimate purpose), kill yourself (because a life without ultimate meaning is no longer worth living), or accept the situation for what it is (and live life presently, in truth, in the face of the absurd, defining meaning for yourself in an effort to enjoy and live purposefully). The third option is the only viable one, as the other two escape reality. The cairns (or stacks of rocks) serve as giant memorials to the deaths of both the idea of god and suicide. With these built, the individual is free to continue moving forward, with less confusion and temptation, on the path of a life lived in truth, lucidity, and ultimately enjoyment.

I think a lot of people had very high expectations after 'Yodh.' I found myself asking what could possibly follow after a record of such magnitude? Not really that I was having doubts that 'Cairn' would be a great record, but it felt like 'Yodh' was final, just “razed everything”, and I couldn’t really sketch out where you’d go with Cairn. Did you feel any pressure during the creation of the record?

Yes, but a lot of it was self-imposed. As an artist, I am always seeking to push myself into new territory and outdo what I have done previously. My own personal bar I set is to try and make a record I will be comfortable with listening to in 10 years. I’m not sure this is possible, which is why I implement it (or it is possible and I just have not yet made a good enough record). I put immense pressure on myself to create something that displayed higher fidelity, superior techniques, better songwriting, and strong performances (as compared with my previous works). Like many, I am my own toughest critic, so making a better (and different) record than Yodh seemed difficult to me, since I still felt fairly satisfied with that album (in the sense that I felt it was an accurate expression of my emotions and thesis). But there were a lot of things I wanted to improve upon, and therein lies the pressure. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t aware of the fact that certain folks held “Yodh” in high regard -- we got to play important festivals because of that album and even had one of those live sets released on vinyl by a label, so I knew people liked it.

This was the cherry on top of the pressure cake I had created for myself. But at the end of the day, it truly doesn’t matter what other people think. I of course want my supporters to like the next thing I make, but the reason I make the music is intensely personal, and in that sense, I make the records for myself and my own satisfaction with my work is what I’m seeking to achieve. I want to get to the other side of the album creating process and be able to feel that I have successfully accomplished my goal of taking my vision and making it come to life effectively. Did the emotion get conveyed? Is the theme understandable? Does the sonic quality aid in the absorption of the message? Does the artwork help in the digestion of the music? I just want to be able to say, ‘Yep, I did my best to get this thing from point A to point B with my core intention still in tact,’ and in that sense, be able to feel proud of it. And whether or not people like it is another story.

We talked about how music affects us emotionally. Like, how I feel a strong connection to your music despite not having gone through the same spiritual turmoil as you have. We’ve both come to the conclusion that there seems to be a mutual empathic bond between the listener and artist. How would you describe it (as you seem way better at describing it than I do)? How do you experience and perceive it, more specifically as an artist? And whose music makes you feel that way?

That’s a good question. To answer the first part, as an artist, I experience the mutual empathy between artist and listener directly in its most potent form when people reach out to talk to me about their experience with the music. With Mizmor, this is usually related to traumatic religious situations: people who have escaped, survived, or otherwise left their religions. I personally love having these conversations because they let me know I’m not alone. There is a certain element of relief and even freedom in learning this. I’m humbled whenever someone shares with me their story and tells me my music has helped them in some way. It inspires in me a newfound sense of purpose; that simply being open, honest, and vulnerable about my own life and experiences in the form of creating art can resound in others and inspire relationship. It’s incredibly powerful; we help one other, therapeutically in this way.

The second part of the question is a little more difficult to answer. There is a broader sense to an intangible quality of music (and other art) which inspires in me what I will call ‘the feeling.’ What I mean by ‘the feeling’ is somewhat ineffable but can be hinted at with words like yearning, longing, being moved, and being taken with emotion. For me, melancholic melodies usually do this, especially when the human voice is involved. If you want some examples of music I am moved by from various genres, I recommend checking out the artist-playlist I recently made for Evil Greed on Spotify titled “Up to Date: A.L.N. (Mizmor)”. There is a more specific sense in which this can occur in a more potent form and I believe that is empowered by clarity and authenticity.

When music has a definite purpose/meaning, especially when it is an outlet for healing, therapy, and catharsis, it really hits home. For example, I am extremely moved by the music of my close friend Matt (or MSW, whose music is called Hell). Hell effectively utilizes melodies and riffs for the purpose of emotional release through the telling of a story of grief from the loss of a family member. If you don’t know this, the music is still absolutely amazing on its own (and you may even be able to sense that something more is lying beneath the surface of the sonics); if you do know this, the music becomes so incredibly weighty, that it’s nearly impossible to hear without becoming completely immersed and overwhelmed by empathy, sadness, and longing. The marriage of talent and purpose is what makes art truly compelling.

You’re heading out for your first tour next month. I imagine performing this music live every night will be very draining (both physically with you also drumming for Hell, as well as emotionally). How do you plan to keep things level-headed?

I don’t, haha. I am nervous. I will performing with Mizmor night after night; I’ve only ever performed a Mizmor set as a stand-alone affair. In addition to trying out this consecutiveness, as you’ve said, I’ll be performing with Hell every night too. Back to back performances, back to back nights. I’m used to performing with Hell on tour and though it’s difficult, we manage. I think Matt and I are going to get very physically and emotionally drained, not just from the performances, but in all the other ways that you must sacrifice comfort, stability, and routine to live life on the road. I will probably get sick, as I do on almost every tour (just a cold though), but we will only be gone for 2.5 weeks, which is the perfect amount. I am going to try and focus on how special it is to be with five of my dearest friends, traveling around playing music we’ve written. I am incredibly grateful for these opportunities and am going to continually seek to focus my attention on all the love and fun around me.

New music for Mizmor is only written when you have the emotional need to do so, so this might be too early to ask, but where do you feel that Mizmor is headed to next, thematically? Just as with 'Yodh' I find myself wondering what could possibly come after Cairn?

To be completely honest, I have no idea what the future looks like for Mizmor. I’ve always taken the project one step at a time, only progressing to new territory when it is necessitated by the demand for expression in myself and the demand for greater accessibility by my fans. Releasing a new full-length and going on tour for the first time are big enough steps for me that I’m still really just focusing on that right now. New music has to find me, which takes an unknown amount of time. But I think it’s safe to expect some more live engagements, here and there, around this new chapter called “Cairn.”

Thank you for your time!

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[stereklibrary]

Hiya, I was wondering if you had any high school sterek?x

YES! I love a good High School AU (and to be honest, I had a hard time choosing) - here are some of my favourites

I also have a High School AU tag

Have fun reading! 

#librarynerd by yodasyoyo (1/1 | 7,742 | T)

“I’ll likely get far more done in the group if I’m not distracted watching you with your pen—”

“My—My pen?”

“Pens. Drinking straws. Don’t act like you don’t know,” Derek says darkly. “You know.”

In which Stiles follows Scott into his Spanish study group, takes one look at the hot nerd who runs it and then decides to stay… even though he doesn’t actually speak Spanish.

the nerd party by bibliosexual (3/3 | 6,827 | T)

Until this moment, Stiles wasn’t even sure Derek could read, and now he’s trying to steal Stiles’ obscure eight-hundred-page fantasy novel. What.

Option C) Some Bad Guys are Werewolves, but Not All Werewolves are Bad Guys by calrissian18 (1/1 | 9,039 | T)

Derek Hale—the Incredible Meat that Thinks—needs a math tutor. Stiles Stilinski needs something that will look better on his college applications than ‘passable D&D Dungeon Master.’

It’s a match made in heaven. Er, right?

Strut on a Line, its Discord and Rhyme by xiaq (21/21 | 61,818 | T)

“Carry me,” Stiles says.

“No.”

“But I’m injured.”

“You have a rash,” Derek says. “On your arm. Your feet work just fine.”

“Please?”

“No. You weigh almost as much as I do. And you ate a pound of chicken at lunch.”

“Well, yeah, but I pooped like an hour ago, so.”

“You’re disgusting.”

“Don’t play, you love me.”

I do, Derek thinks, relatively horrified. I really do.

And Then There Is No Mystery Left (Baby, I’m Sweet On You) by Swing Set in December (1/1 | 1,104 | T)

Stiles has no idea why Derek is sitting at his lunch table.

you love the hate that we share by bibliosexual (1/1 | 5,745 | T)

Maybe it’s petty — okay, it most definitely is — but it just irritates Stiles that the universe makes people like Derek Hale. He’s practically superhuman at lacrosse; he’s been blessed by the puberty gods with stubble and muscles on top of muscles and not a pimple in sight; he spouts off effortless monologues in Spanish class while Stiles is still struggling to remember how to say “Can you repeat that?”; he could probably make a killing as a male model; and when he asked Lydia to study with him, she said yes. Like, seriously, what the fuck.

Easy Alpha by interropunct (1/1 | 4,602 | T)

Easy A/Teen Wolf AU. Wherein, Derek Hale is the high school hussy, Jackson and Scott really need to learn to use their inside voices. And, contrary to popular belief, everyone is still a virgin.

I stopped believing in happy endings by otatop (2/2 | 8,531 | NR)

Derek was prepared to have his heart broken for just one evening with Stiles. He knew what he was getting himself into

(He had no idea what he was getting himself into)

(I Hate to Be) The One to Ruin the Night by wishingonalightningbolt (2/2 | 14,550 | E)

High school senior Derek Hale only has one goal for the rest of his time left at BHHS: avoid Stiles Stilinski. He’s wreaked enough havoc as it is, having spent all summer breaking Derek’s heart. Everything would be better for both of them if they just never saw each other again.

Derek doesn’t plan on ever getting mixed up with Scott McCall and his little gang of idiot friends. In fact, if he knew to avoid it, he would, but he guesses he just isn’t smart enough. Unfortunate, considering the consequences.

The Socioeconomic Repercussions of Mutually Assured Destruction by alocalband (1/1 | 15,285 | E)

“The trouble with having the kind of brain that likes to write essays on male circumcision for an Economics class, is that it also likes to turn PowerPoint presentations for Biology into odes on the perfection of notorious bad boy Derek Hale’s backside.”

When You’re Close I Feel the Sparks by Leslie_Knope (4/4 | 15,285 | M)

The guy is hot as hell, sure—leather jacket and glasses, Jesus, be still Stiles’ poor, bisexual, beating heart—but more importantly, it must really suck being new on the first day of senior year.

“We’re adopting him,” he decides, tugging Scott and Kira by the elbow in that direction. “Let’s go.”

Someone Please Murder Dr. Wyne by NotRoyalty (2/2 | 2,873 | NR)

Stiles starts asking questions in the margins of his chemistry textbook because that thing couldn’t be more confusing, and then someone starts leaving answers.

Talk Geeky to Me by stilesanderek (1/1 | 19,874 | E)

Derek and Stiles are the most typical combo of nerd plus geek two teenage boys could be; and as stereotypical as they could ever get, they’re each other’s only friend. That usually doesn’t bother Stiles much, Derek is the best best friend he could ever hope to have, but sometimes when he thinks about his fate of possibly not having his first kiss until college, he starts wishing he had a few more friends–or at least more people who were a bit more interested in him other than when they need to copy his notes.

In a fit of curiosity about how kissing feels like, Stiles proposes Derek that they each be the other’s first kiss–strictly platonic, of course. But afterwards, Stiles can’t stop noticing how hot Derek is, can’t stop thinking about kissing and touching him.

OR

The five times Derek and Stiles “fake” kiss and one time they take things further.

Binomial Coefficients by DevilDoll (1/1 | 20,783 | T)

In which brainy freshman Stiles Stilinski wants star quarterback Derek Hale to join the math team, AKA math nerds in love.

the lunch table configuration by thepsychicclam (1/1 | 16,677 | E)

When Isaac makes Derek switch lunch tables, the last thing Derek expected was to fall for Stiles.

The Sound of My Heart by orphan_account (4/4 | 8,654 | T)

Stiles is bored.

It always happens this time of year. It’s the middle of August, summer is winding to a close, and he’s run out of things to distract him. He’s marathoned Buffy four times and as much as he loves it, Spike is starting to be a little less charming and a little more irritating. It’s also not helping that Scott barely has enough time to separate his lips from Allison’s to tell him he can’t hang out.

Scott is officially the worst best friend ever.

In which Stiles meets Derek at the police station

A Thousand Fiery Suns of Angst - Just Press Play by apocryphal (1/1 | 20,934 | T)

All Stiles wants from life is to learn to control his magic, keep his grades up, and not die horribly while saving Beacon Hills from supernatural threats. It’s all going pretty well until Derek Hale, werewolf extraordinaire, has to go and ask him on a date. That asshole.

Just the Same by ericaismeg (7/7 | 68,066 | G)

Something is seriously up with the captain of the lacrosse team. There’s just no way Derek Hale is human.“I was wondering if you’re even human. You move so quickly. I mean, it’s ridiculously fast. No human should be able to move that fast, y'know? It’s unfair for us. I mean, it’s obvious you work out, and I don’t, so that could be why, but like…I was just wondering if you were human, that’s all.”

“Stop talking, Stilinski, or I'll—”

“Put me on the bench all season?” Stiles asks knowing full well that Derek Hale can’t threaten him with shit.

loving him is red by allhalethekings (1/1 | 14,915 | M)

“Who’s that?” Stiles asks, eyes not leaving the table.

“Who?” Scott asks, following Stiles’s line of sight. “Him? That’s Derek Hale. And you better forget about him. He doesn’t date.“

Practice Makes Perfect by blacktofade (1/1 | 21,061 | E)

In his sophomore year, Stiles gets dragged to lacrosse tryouts by Scott and ends up practising alongside the senior captain, Derek Hale. Stiles just wants to live long enough to become a junior.

[willgayers]

like, imagine eddie working in a 24/7 convinience store during the night shift (like,,, 11pm-4am) and richie is a regular that just comes in the weirdest hours and buys the most bizarre combo of items and is always trying to flirt w eddie making puns with whatever items hes buying and eddie lowkey likes it (cue stan rolling his eyes)

lmaooo yes yes yes!!

eddie fucking HATES it

but he’s a destitute student (arent we all ha ha ha… send me money) so its not like he really has a choice ya know

he only really likes one of his co-workers (martha) and hates everyone else

but at least theres… something interesting about his job…

richie tozier is 18 and he lives by himself at a condo downtown and his life was pretty fucking boring taking he’d just moved into derry and he knew literally NO ONE other than the cool chick who lives in the same block of flats and richie saw her wearing a the smiths shirt so they became friends 

but then one night,, richie was about to go for a smoke when he realized he’s all out 

also he was kind of in the mood for chicken nuggets

and now that we’re at it how great would a bottle of soda be with that

he remembers seeing a convenience store near his house so he gets up from his couch and glances at the clock ,,, 2am its not that bad yet

so he gets out of the house and walks over to the store

he swings the door open and glances around. the lamps create a rather ugly yellow shade inside,, an old backstreet boys song is playing from the stereos and richie snorts

he doesnt see anyone behind the counter so he just goes straight to the fridge to grab some nuggets,, waddles over to the soda section and grabs a huge bottle of coke

and then he walks out from behind one isle and sees the prettiest?? boy?? ever??

richie drops the coke bottle and it starts to gush out 

the boy behind the counter snaps his head towards richie the SECOND

richie does nothing

“HEY? EXCUSE ME???”

tozier just gapes at him

“ARE YOU GONNA PICK THAT UP??”

“holy shit” richie literally just blurts out 

“??????” this guy is looking at richie like what the fUCK??

then richie flinches back to the moment

“shit,,, i mean,,, yes,, fuck,” richie starts to reach out for the bottle and eddie is like WHAT is this dude seriously gonna grab the-

the soda is still spilling out and some of it shoots straight against richie’s glasses 

“FUCK” he yelps out and drops the bottle, some MORE of it just filling the floor

“oh my gOd just leave it,,, pay for the rest,” eddie sighs knowing he’s gonna have to clean it up

“i am so,,,so sorry” richie blurts out as he rubs his glasses against his shirt and walks towards the counter

eddie looks at him clearer now that he doesnt have the ridiculously big glasses covering half of his face,,, and he swallows because wow?? he’s actually really cute?? 

“yeah its… whatever” eddie murmurs, licking his lips nervously

“so you’ll take that only?” eddie asks, nodding towards the chicken nugget pack

“and a green marlboro”

eddie fights the urge to roll his eyes. he doesnt get smokers

but instead he just hands him the pack 

“that’ll be 6.50″

“here,, and again i am terribly sorry about…”

they both glance behind richie where the coke is only now starting to die out

“yeah.” eddie just says

a few days later,,, richie’s at the skate park with his only friend in town 

“can i tell you something.” richie asks as they’re chilling on top of their skates

“sure” beverly says,, takin a drag out of her cig

“i saw someone”

beverly starts to smirk wide at him 

“oh yeah??? whats she look like i might know her”

richie glances away

“uh.. not a she, actually. a he”

“i go both ways” richie shrugs as beverly’s silently asking if he’s..? not that she’d judge him but out of curiosity

“okay well, whats HE look like”

“he works at the convenience store” richie says and the second he does beverly bursts out laughing

richie’s like ???what???

“oh my god, EDDIE KASPBRAK???”

“you know him???”

“ohh boy eddie kaspbrak is the princess of this town there’s no way in hell you’re gonna get with him”

richie’s heart sinks a little 

“but hey!! theres plenty of pretty boys in this town”

richie doesnt care he wants that one

eddie’s lowkey thought of the weird guy who spilled coke all over the carpet also 

one night richie’s about to make food but realizes he’s out of french fries. and he wants to eat chicken with french fries. he cant possibly eat it with rice that he has,, he just has to eat it with french fries oh well haha what a great thing he lives next to a convenience store!!

so he goes there,, and ,, its faith its destiny or at least thats what tozier thinks eddie is working 

eddie’s stomach flips

mostly because he’s afraid he’s gonna break something again 

“hello” richie says

“…hi..” eddie says, watching as richie walks,, trying to be all cool and casual but ends up walking against a Lays shelf

eddie drops his head quickly to hide his laughter as an embarrassed richie starts gathering up the chips

he ends up taking one tho only so that he can say he “did it on purpose”

“so you’re taking chips and french fries huh???”

“well why not. i like potatoes”

“great”

“uh-huh”

richie’s just staring at eddie as he’s doing his job and eddie can feel this so his cheeks are kinda heating up 

“and a pack of green marlboros”

“right” eddie says,, remembering this from last time 

“that’ll be 10dollars”

“thanks eddie”

eddie almost chokes as the guy flashes him a smirk and is about to leave

“how do you know my name???”

richie just winks and eddie’s stomach flips again but this time its over something completely different and before eddie could ask his name richie’s out of the store already. proud w himself

richie doesnt say anything to bevvie tho even tho they hang out bc he doesnt want 1) beverly to bring him down 2) to ruin the great moment when he’s gonna tell beverly he’s got a date with eddie and see the look on her face

after a couple of days richie goes back to buy a twix bar. and more cigarettes

“hi eds” richie says as he walks in and eddie goes bright red

“do not call me eds”

richie smirks as he shuffles to the desk 

“can i have a pack of-”

eddie slams the marlboro green to the counter

richie smirks lightly

“and a twix” 

“those are in front of you” eddie snaps

“yeah i know that, you handing it to me would’ve just been a great moment to accidentally brush my fingers against yours tho” richie sighs as he grabs the twix and places it on the desk with a sweet smile

eddie’s eyes widen and he has to fake a cough 

“FIVE TWENTY, THANK YOU”

“here ya go” richie says and slides him the money

“whats your name??” eddie asks 

“oh, are you interested in knowing??”

“no, but since you somehow know mine which is kind of stalkery and creepy-”

“richie” richie says as he opens the chocolate bar wrapper and bites down to it 

eddie blinks at him

“richie”

“yeah” richie bites his chocolate again “thats me”

“you enjoying that?” eddie nods towards the twix bar that richie’s literally gorged

“i’ve had better things in my mouth but its okay”

eddie’s jaw drops lightly and he just stares at richie 

and then someone clears their throat so eddie turns his gaze to the rather pissed off looking lady behind richie and he clears his throat

“oKAY! NEXT CUSTOMER PLEASE!”

richie glances behind him 

“hey we were having a conversation here”

eddie’s eyes widen

“UH, NO WE WEREN’T!” Eddie fakes a nervous laugh “please just,, step ahead!!”

“wow, rude eds. im gonna go then”

“ooookayyyyy,,, byeeee” eddie says as he’s already beeping the next customer’s stuff but as richie walks away he still steals a glance at his back

richie just keeps on going back

everytime he buys something weird 

“a vanilla candle..”

“yes, i like the smell”

“uh-huh”

*next time*

“meatballs and popcorn? please tell me you’re not mixing these two”

“i wasnt gonna but thanks for the idea”

*next time*

“cat food? you have a cat?”

“no” 

eddie frowns

“then why would you buy cat food?”

“i wanted to see you” :’)

kaspbrak tries to ignore the butterflies he’s feeling rn

“…three thirty”

“thats some expensive kitty food. well, i hope my next door neighbor tanya will appreciate this”

“youre buying this for your neighbor??”

“yeah. she’s a nice old romani lady with three cats” richie says as he grabs the cat food and eddie starts to smile a little because thats so cute??

richie notices the smile and he just smiles back. no flirts or anything just smiles 

“see ya later alligator” richie says and eddie rolls his eyes amusedly 

“bye”

days pass by,,, richie coming in practically every day and he just doesnt even look around anymore he just grabs the first thing at hands length and puts it to the counter

batteries,, candy bags,, motorcycle magazines,, even tampons once

“…..”

“i get bad nosebleeds” 

and eddie actually lets out a chuckle. an actual ,,, true chuckle and richie gets the biggest smile

“you want your regular?” eddie asks

“huh?”

“the marlboros”

“oh no i quit” richie shrugs and eddie looks surprised

“really?”

“yeah” richie shrugs

(lowkey he quit bc he somehow found out eddie doesnt like smokers)

*eddie heart-eyes intensify*

*another time*

richie’s feeling flirty one friday and buys a pack of condoms

“yyyyello” he says as he slams the pack against the table

eddie looks at it and oh wow he feels like he’s been hit in the chest

why the hell??? he doesnt even know this guy??? yet he kinda feels like he does??? 

“who’s the lucky girl” eddie comments as he beeps the pack

“who says its a girl” richie asks and eddie gets even more pissed off now because??? hE LIKES BOYS??? THATS EVEN WORSE

“right” eddie just dramatically snaps and before he can say the price richie speaks

“im kidding i dont really wanna buy those” he says

eddie quirks a brow

“huh?”

“i dont need them”

silence

“im not having sex”

silence

“i mean i ,,, i do have sex but im not currently having sex”

“…uh huh okay, thanks for sharing this w-”

“okay im getting DESPERATE i need you to go out on a date with me”

eddie’s eyes widen as he raises both of his brows now

“im sorry what”

“yes ,,oh my god PLEASE i’ve been coming here literally every day i thought it would be obvious as im buying things like fucking,,, tampons and protein bars when you can clearly see i haven’t worked out a day in my life”

eddie starts to smile (bc thats true)

“okay”

richie’s taken aback

“huh??”

“okay, i’ll go on a date with you”

“what seriously???”

“yeah” eddie smirks but then jokingly goes serious “just… dont put tampons up your nose”

“i promise i wont i dont even- well sometimes when i do get-”

eddie raises amused brows

“sorry” richie apologizes for talking too much again

eddie grabs a piece of paper and scrabbles something before folding it and handing it to richie

(smooth finger brushing was done btw)

(eddie did it on purpose)

(which sent tingles down richie’s spine)

“i have a free day tomorrow”

“oK THATS GREAT I GOTTA GO NOW BYE” richie’s shocked™

“wait!” eddie stopped him just as richie was about to turn around

“arent you forgetting something??” he says and richie drops his gaze to the counter where eddie’s sliding the condom pack towards richie

richie could fucking cry as he looks at the smirk on eddie’s face

“i dont-” he utters out like what the FuCk Is GoiNg ON

eddie doesnt say anything just raises his brows so richie swallows and nods and grabs the pack, shakily shoving them to the back of his jeans before he gets out and looks at the paper

its got a number

and then 

eddie ,,, and a small heart after that

richie fucking SWOONS and he could do the whole breakfast club fist pump to the air 

they have their date and its lit af and awh

and on monday richie hangs out with beverly

his phone rings and he answers

“hey cutie”

beverly raises her brows

“yeah im still at the skate park.”

silence

“yeah??” richie asks “yeah sure of course!! come here. ok see you”

“who was that?” bevvie asks

richie just smirks

bc literally seconds later eddie walks over (he was just around the corner)

beverly’s mouth drops

“hey!!” eddie smiles as he makes his way over to the two of them,, leaning down to press a kiss to richie’s lips as he sits down 

“beverly,, you might know eddie” richie looks at beverly as he speaks ,, mentally saying HA HA BITCH!!!

beverly just gapes at the two of them

“hi:)” - eddie

“…hi…” beverly gives him an awkward smile

“so like,,, i was supposed to go to work today right?? but then my boss called me and wait im gonna show you this mail i was supposed to take to the post office-”

as eddie starts to grab something from his backpack and goes on with his talking,, beverly turns her shocked gaze to richie who just looks so fucking proud 

“are you serious???” beverly mouths

“ohhh yeah” richie mouths back at him

“hey babe?” richie asks 

“yeah?” eddie asks, turning his head towards richie from his backpack

“gimme another kiss” richie pouts and eddie rolls his eyes, kissing him again. richie starts jokingly planting dozens of tiny kisses on his mouth, making eddie giggle

beverly’s jaw only drops lower

they hang out for some time but once eddie leaves,, beverly speaks

“well,,, guess i was wrong” 

richie just smiles wide bc ofc she was

its reddie

how do i end this??

fuck

bye

the end

@superbyersbros@xbell22@donthateonk8@stenbroughbros@reddiebrekmyheart@itsgreywaterrichie@donvex@blueeyespurpleskies@ageorgymi@oh-youre-the-worst@eddiekaaspbraak @whipashwhipash@rissyq @richietoaster @edskasqbrak @urtury@bukiminajimu@kcutieeesblog@stansmansuris@adorefack@reddieaddict@icyeyes102@denbroughbill@graveyardshipper@taletellingsir@anxiety-freak-yuuri@rheddie@queertrashmouth@richiefreakingtozier@castletozier@tohzier@80soleff@lonewolfhard@low-key-dying@sad-synth@richietoaster@badboyharrington@beepbeep-losers@temptedtozier@kaspbraccs@kylieee827-blog @sad-synth@low-key-dying@officiallyreddie@reddietofall@stanleyboii@eternitynurarms@remushlupin@turtleneckrichie@rosegoldrichie@80srichie@asteroidbill@lonewolfhard@trashmouthgazebos@littlepointman@finnhardwolf@allison0609 @fabulousprinceali  @tatiscribbles @s-s-georgie @coralinejones @richiestoziiers @tatiscribbles

[donnerpartyofone]

So, here is my deal. I have been single for a year now, after being in a long term relationship and I am really struggling to impress women. I’ve tried all the classic dating apps, starting casual conversations, and nothing seems to do the trick. I wouldn’t call myself handsome, but not an eyesore either. I am exercising, but still have a few extra pounds. Any tip for how to land something long term? That I should try?

EDIT: Hopefully you haven’t read this yet--I just reread your question, and realized you’ve only been out of your last LTR for a year. Certainly you know you better than I do, but I would strongly recommend being single for a little longer than that, to really clear your system of whatever is still rattling around in there. It’ll be better for you in the long run, and probably better for whoever you date next too. At the risk of being too accusative with a total stranger, you might wanna read a couple of articles on serial monogamy, and decide if any of it rings true with you, before proceeding.

Well, that’s a pretty complex question! Obviously I don’t know you, so I have to generalize a lot. I guess I have a few bullet points that may or may not be useful. It’s worth saying that even though I’m a lady and that means we face these challenges in different ways, I do know where you’re coming from. I’ve been with very few people in my life, was rejected or ignored by a lot more, and I had to go through a long stretch of facing the idea that I might truly die alone–which included realizing that that should not be the worst case scenario that everybody neurotically makes it out to be. So, here are the things I think:

- I wonder where you live, what kind of scene there is around you. Sometimes it might not be the worst idea to entertain a pen pal-type beginning, from the internet, or whatever you can dig up for a resource. Especially if your main goal is making a lasting connection with somebody (which would be something that many people would consider moving out of state for), it’s really worth considering that that person might live literally anywhere. It’s also worth acknowledging whether your immediate environment is just not conducive to healthy dating, for whatever reason. Even in a huge bustling city like NYC, where I live, statistical realities may affect your ability to find what you are looking for. Here, women outnumber men so radically that if you’re female and you’re looking for dudely companionship, you may have to put up with all sorts of bullshit, because men have an embarrassment of choice.  A lot of them feel no obligation whatsoever to get tied down, even if they think they’re “nice guys” and they’re not really consciously aware of this, even if they have a really attractive woman on the hook. My gay male friends make pretty much the exact same complaint to me: That New York has this reputation of having a huge supportive gay community, but the reality is that men who are willing to settle down are really hard to find, because they just have so many options, and even a lot of the guys who think they want a relationship are just all fighting over the same handful of top 10 status-symbol twinks all the time anyway. Soooo that’s all about how hard it is to find a standard boyfriend where *I* live, but like, there could be something legitimately similar going on with finding a girlfriend near you. It’s not ALWAYS your own fault if you can’t get what you want. 

- A lot of people who say that they just wanna be with “someone nice”, or who make generalizations like “NOBODY likes them,” are hiding or ignoring the fact that they actually want something pretty specific. That’s not a crime, it’s just something that would be better to be honest about with yourself. The little you’ve said here makes it sound like goal for you is just, being in a long term relationship. Obviously you have a right to that, but even if you’re NOT unconsciously rejecting people who don’t fit your secret standards, you still may face the problem that your candidates could find your open-mindedness a little impersonal. Obviously you’re not telling people you “just wanna be in a relationship” out loud, but intuition is a powerful thing, especially when it’s fed by body language or subtle behavioral cues. People can become supernaturally perceptive when questions of sex or dating are on the table. So, this might be a good time to interrogate what your goal means to you. When you try to imagine what you’re looking for in really specific terms, what does it look like? What comes out of a long term relationship, that you absolutely can’t get out of any other part of your life? Are those things that you can live without? Also, what kind of person do you imagine being with? If your answer is really vague, or kind of amounts to something like “just someone who treats me well”, try to refine that. If people sense that your standards are totally amorphous because your only goal is having someone to warm your bed, then they’re not going to be really flattered by your attention. I mean you can find people out there who want to be in a relationship just to be in a relationship, but they usually also want babies and all the social, marital trappings above all else. There are apps for that. 

- You’ve probably heard this before, and you’re going to roll your eyes when you hear it again, but “looks” aren’t THAT important. At least for straight dudes, mostly. I’m definitely not going to tell you that looks don’t matter at all, at which point you would know not to believe anything I say, but there’s more going on here. I’ve known plenty of men in the plain-to-ugly range, as traditional standards go, who have dated beautiful women, and/or just lots and lots of women, because they have really inviting personalities: Some combination of, they’re really funny, they have a lot of confidence, they’re super bright, they communicate well about their passions in life, they’re really nice (not “I held the door for you so now you have to fuck me” nice–which is called “being fake” actually–but compassionate/considerate/humble/genuinely interested nice), etc. I also have known plenty of guys in the upper register of physical attractiveness who don’t perform the way you might expect them to because they act fucking weird: any combo of pushy, argumentative, withholding, insecure, superior, combative if you try to be kind to them, or sometimes they just haven’t trained themselves to engage–like, they act like OTHER PEOPLE should compensate for their shyness, and they become resentful if they believe YOU didn’t work hard enough to pry them out of THEIR shell. So like it’s a good thing to care about your appearance and your hygiene and everything, but a big part of the reason that stuff matters is that it shows you care about yourself. No matter what you look like, if you carry around this vibe that it’s somebody else’s job to make you feel good about yourself or your life, then all you’re going to attract is nobody–or people who are seriously damaged, which you probably don’t want either. Depression and insecurity are as normal as they are difficult, but it’s important to try to show that you’re not gonna be somebody’s full time job, with a combination of personal presentation AND personality. The latter is more important.

- At this point you’re probably thinking, “This is like that thing where you need experience to get a job, but you can only get experience FROM getting a job, so where am I supposed to get all this confidence from if my confidence is constantly eroded by rejection?” Well, that’s a good question! This stuff can take like a superhuman amount of effort. Unfortunately there’s no just and reliable way to simply fix this conundrum. I will say this, though: One thing you can do is just try to stop being so focused on it. Yes, I know, THAT SOUNDS REALLY HARD ALSO. But if you can achieve it, to some degree, then it takes a lot of pressure off both yourself and other people, leading to interactions that are easier and more fun, which takes you a big step in the right direction. I’m more or less speaking from experience. I had been painfully oriented toward being in a relationship for most of my life. Men have almost never wanted anything to do with me, for any number of reasons: I’ve never been what you’d call hot, I act like a fucking weirdo, I get along so well with guys that they tend to just think of me as another guy (I’d called this being “friendzoned” if I were a WAY BIGGER ASSHOLE), and surely the few people I was close enough to to try to start something could tell that I was pretty desperate about it. Because I was so…yeah, desperate, about being in a relationship, I took what I could get, and on all but one of the very few past occasions where I “got” something, it turned into a gnarly abusive nightmare, some of which I’m still processing. So, there came a point in time when I really had to review what I’d been doing. I started to ask myself really hard questions like, why DO I need to be in a relationship? Isn’t it true that I would still have to have other things to live for, even if I DID get into a decent relationship? What are those things? Can’t I just start focusing more on those things NOW? Basically I started to experiment with going about my days as if I knew for a fact that I would never get into a relationship, ever. It wasn’t exactly a party, at first, but I knew I was doing a good thing for myself. Actually, it was the only rational thing I could think to do. Then, a month or two later, I met the man I’m going to marry in December. I was sort of confounded by it, like I had finally made this big achievement in being more zen about everything, when I suddenly found myself in a serious, healthy relationship. I almost felt like some kind of hypocrite. But anyway, my explanation was that I was finally in a mental state where I was genuinely ready to be in that kind of relationship, I was prepared to enter it as my own person, without all kinds of baggage about what I “needed” to get out of it. I must have been putting out that vibe, finally.

So these are just some ideas, if there were a surefire fix for your situation, then everybody in the world would know about it already. I guess I’d just conclude by saying that if you can remember that “life isn’t fair” AND you can prevent yourself from blaming others for that, then you’re already a lot closer to getting what you want, than people who think they’re owed satisfaction. Which is a LOT of people.