#this is going to haunt me (positive)
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Nico saying that Lewis gives his daughters boxes of presents every Christmas just got caught in my mind.
Imagine you were a mixed race boy born in Hertfordshire, different from everyone else around you. Bullied in school, being raised by your father to compete in a sport where money is very much of essence and you and your family do not have a lot of it. And then you meet this other boy who comes from the kind of life you dream to live one day. You're friends and fierce competitors. You find solace in each other. You visit Monaco for the first time with your friend, dreaming up the life you will have when you make it, when you beat out of the mould that the world thought it could capture you in.
And then you two grow through the ranks and you're at the pinnacle of your sport and you have what it takes to win and the world recognises that you can win. And you win. You win with your friend and fiercest competitor by your side fighting with you for those wins, and this fighting ruins something something that was valuable to both of you when you were still innocent and unsullied by life.
But despite everything that went into the doing and undoing of this relationship, you still realise that this person you once called a friend has a life and family beyond your bitter dynamic. He has children, and children need love and affection and good memories. And you're a better man now so you understand that. So you make sure the kids get gifts on Christmas. And you make sure of it every year. Afterall, if you met someone you loved deeply when you were both kids, wouldn't you feel a pang of nostalgia when they had kids. Wouldn't you try to extend the warmth that you couldn't find for your friend to his children. Afterall, whatever happens during childhood basically remains with you forever.
#and nico's perspective of the same is just#being bullied as a child and being profoundly lonely till you find this friend who is in many ways the yardstick for performance#and even when you go through all this rancidity and the love has almost evaporated down to bare bones politeness#you know there is something that remains deep down#and so he gets your kids Christmas gifts each year#both their childhoods were sites of pain and both of them found something with each other#and lewis honours that by being a positive presence in nico's childrens' lives#albeit from a distance#and of course we're no strangers to how much Nico loves his kids#you can bet if Lewis had kids Nico would do that same#sorry this caught in my heart a little#I knew he had been giving presents for a while and I always thought of that as very beautiful but seeing it on the tl made me remember#man#love haunts you in such peculiar ways forever#brocedes#lewis hamiton#nico rosberg#f1#formula 1
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the day the earth stood still is the day i felt your presence leave it, and then every day after that.
#tw grief#sigh sigh sigh.#apologies in advance as this is not the happiest yap ! i would just like to write out some of my feelings on this day#the heaviest heart weighs under an insurmountable amount of grief — the ghost of love#days like today are a twisted reminder that has every emotion flooding through your soul#longing . guilt . anger . an indescribable melancholy that could only be consoled through the sands of time#a year ago i lost my best guy friend and it’s never really gotten easier . but ive heard it never does#all i can do is bundle up the love i have for him and search for him in the clouds that take up the sky#the circumstances around his passing will never not haunt me and rather than go into it all i’d like to say is this#if you have a loved one or a relationship or a friendship you cherish .. then never ever stop fighting for it - for them.#as time never really seems to be on our side#each day i’ll live as he intended . to greet the world with kindness and a smile and passion for positivity#in his wisest words (or rather after every phone call we’d have hehe) i’ll try my best to stay awesome & encourage you all to do so as well#if you’ve read this then i’m taking your hand and thanking you#it didn’t feel right not acknowledging him at all on this blog . he’s the one that introduced me to anime + more importantly : one piece#i wish i could talk to him about it all so he could see how far down this rabbit hole i fell just as he had done#will be spending the day enjoying his favorite episodes and being gentle with the world that surrounds us#this is not like my usual yaps & i feel vulnerable posting it but i wanted to carve out a space for him on this blog#forever missing the connie to my sasha . maybe in another universe we’ll get it right#have a wonderful sunday my sweet friendz and if you can — hug your loved ones & blow a kiss up to the sky 🤍💫#thank you for being here & helping me make this a safe place .#₊˚⊹ ᰔ xoxo aims
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DLC Girlie Headcanons
Happy Valentine’s day. Happy early birthday to me. Happy late first anniversary of this blog. Don’t expect this to be as profound or long as the first scarvio post, but it is a post, so have fun with it.
Also, I didn’t include Briar here because I wasn’t satisfied with what I wrote for her and just ended up scrapping it. Might come back to her one day. And yes I know the Carmine gif is big but I liked it and couldn't find one I liked more.
Carmine, my love. I know I already made a whole post for her not too long ago, but I can still add more (and there are also only three others on the list sooo). This time, though, things can take place post Kieran joker arc.
Of course, she’s still Carmine. She’s a bit overprotective and jealous and kind of a bitch, especially when at the academy because a certain Drayton will lazily and jokingly flirt with you just to get on her nerves. Don’t play into his flirtations, or else she’ll be mad at both of you (temporarily at you, permanently at toothpaste hair). She won’t stop you from hanging out with other people, though. That is, of course, unless it’s Drayton, who she will literally drag you away from.
She doesn’t really boss you around like she does her brother, but she will often ask you to help her with whatever she’s working on. It’s totally because she needs you to lend a hand and not because she likes having you plastered to her side. Sometimes she’ll ask you to come help her with a task and the task in question is just hanging out with Amarys.
Carmine does actually take her studies fairly seriously, especially when she’s helping Briar. Spends a good deal of time studying, and might pressure you to join her if you are falling behind. Surprisingly, she’s a pretty good study-buddy. If you’re really struggling with a subject, she can probably explain it in pretty understandable terms, as long as you can brush aside her occasional insults, of course. Might reward you with a kiss or two if you do really well.
You’re allowed to be a little mean to Kieran, as a treat, but know your place. She loves you, yeah, but she’d probably side with her baby brother over you if push comes to shove. You can tease him a bit and slide in some snide comments here and there, but if you take things too far she will be upset. I know I said you could be a little mean, but don’t be, like, mean mean to him. He’s been through enough.
Speaking of, Kieran thinks you’re pretty cool. Little guy doesn’t really have friends, and being a recovering joker acr victim doesn’t help that fact. He knows you, you’ve been in his life’s peripheral vision for a good deal of time, being attached to Carmine and whatnot, and he thinks you’re wicked cool. No matter how much time passes, he will always watch on with stars in his eyes when you are showing off your skills. He’d love nothing more than to have a match with you sometime.
I wouldn’t say Kieran’s like Hop is for Sonia, where he would go out of his way to play matchmaker, but he does silently lay in hope that you two stay together, and their grandparents feel the same. They might partake in some light teasing whenever they see you together, which is often, but they aren’t really pushy with it. Not the kind of people to press Carmine about when you’ll get married or give them great grandchildren or anything.
When Kieran is in his villain arc, Carmine will ask you to help keep an eye on him. She’s worried out of her mind with how odd he was acting, and really wanted to find the root cause. Once the whole Terapagos ordeal blows over, expect the two to come find you and tackle you into a group hug, both blabbering on about how they almost died and how much they care for you. A similar thing probably happens after the Pecharunt situation ends, as well.
You know… a lot of scarvio characters could totally be melded into yanderes if you just exaggerated their traits a wee bit. Not saying that any of them are, we’re not doing the whole “Nemona’s a yandere” bit, but Carmine could easily fit the bill. She’s bitchy, a bit overprotective, and can easily become violent. Nothing more to add here, it's just a passing thought.
Following my original scarvio post, I am morally obligated to include a point of slander for each girl. Carmine has said at least a few slurs in her life. In, like, a Lana del Rey way, specifically with that one kid who was in Stranger Things (why did she do that it was just completely unprompted). Would casually drop a slur in someone’s general direction for literally no reason. Hater energy.
Perrin’s pretty cool. I don’t like her as much as her supposed great great great grandmother, but I’m not here to pin two bad bitches against each other. Regardless of her ancestors, she’s still cute and artsy, and we love that for her.
She’s kind of funny to me more than anything. She would just go up to you one day, saying shit like “Hey babe, I’m feeling really unmotivated right now :{ so I’m gonna take a trip to a small, distant island to take pictures of a fucked up beast”. Don’t try to talk her out of it, she’ll already be on the plane.
When she’s feeling low, she likes to take pictures of you. They aren’t used for anything, not making their way into her portfolio, just her little personal collection to look back on and smile at gently. She’ll start by mopily taking half-assed pictures with her phone, but steadily gets more and more into things, setting up her shots and having you pose, eventually pulling out her camera.
Although, it is a bit embarrassing for her after the fact. When she gets really into her shots, she gets super enthusiastic and constantly makes cheesy remarks. Please don’t point this out while she’s working, she’ll get super flustered and totally thrown off her game. She might be able to recover, laughing her comments off sheepishly, or she might be too far gone to continue, dramatically laying down her camera in defeat, hoping you'll give her some affection and out of pity.
However, her love for you, and love for looking at you, isn’t always enough to get her out of a slump, hence why she goes to Kitakami to look for a fucked up beast in hopes of finding her spark again. Getting out and searching for something interesting can help her get back into her groove, and she’ll keep you posted the entire time if you aren’t by her side.
Speaking of, she loves to send you pictures. Constantly. She’ll send breathtaking scenery shots, gorgeous skylines, diverse and adorable wildlife, and Growlithe. It’s mostly just Growlithe if we're being honest. Usually paired with a caption like “he misses you” or “stinky little bastard man has committed a heinous crime (he rolled in the mud).”Particularly loves to send glamor shots of him.
And said stinky little bastard man loves you so much. He likes to follow you around when nearby, trotting on your heels, curious as to where you’re both going. He’ll sit patiently at your feet whenever you have food, and curl up in your lap when you’re sitting down. Perrin’s his favorite still, but you’re a close second. But if you pass him enough scraps under the table and give him good enough scratches, you might be able to sway his opinion.
I don’t remember if the game ever states where Perrin is specifically from, but she gives off country girl energy to me. Maybe it’s just the song that plays when you talk to her, now that I think about it. I don’t know. I think in general she’s also pretty laid back, the kind to go with the flow. Unless she’s in a rut, where it seems like her entire world is falling apart.
She’s not super into PDA, but she doesn’t really get embarrassed with excessive affection, either. She’d prefer to just hold your hand when around other people, maybe rest her arm over your shoulder, but she wouldn’t argue if you wanted more affection than that. Not to say that she doesn’t have any limits, she’s just pretty lax.
However, I also think she’s suave. Not afraid to surprise you by pressing a sudden kiss to somewhere on your face-forehead, cheek, lips-when you lean in close, like if you lean over her shoulder or something along those lines. She does like to see you flustered, but she doesn’t do it too often. After all, if she does this all the time, you would expect it, and then you wouldn’t get flustered at all.
Slander devil emoji. Perrin feels like she’d own a shit ton of shoes. Mainly tennis shoes, methinks. Most of her funds are funneled into her camera and lenses, since she’s a photographer obviously, but her second biggest money sink is her shoe collection. Is kind of protective of them, too, because Growlithe will chew on them if given the opportunity.
Lacey’s just cute. Which makes sense, because being cute is, like, her whole thing. To her, most everything has some cuteness in it. Nothing can be spared from her cute-detecting gaze.
What more should I really say for her? She’s just a super sweet and kind person and I would kill for her. Actually, I wouldn’t do that, because if I did she would look at me sadly and tell me what I did just wasn’t right. She might be incredibly nice, but she ain’t a pushover. Daddy didn’t raise no bitch.
She’s super touchy feely. Always touching you in some way. Prefers to drape herself over you whenever possible, usually by wrapping herself around one of your arms to lean in close. If she can’t, then she’ll gladly link pinkies with you, as she believes that’s way cuter than just holding hands.
Massive cuddlebug. Whenever you are sitting or laying down, she’ll immediately jump into the spot next to you and hold you close. She’s practically nodding off by the time she gets comfortable, too warm and comfy to want to get up. Her pokemon, especially her Granbull, tend to pile up around you as well. Will complain and beg you to stay if you try to get up before she’s ready (she will never be ready). She’s also guilty of baby talk. Take that as you will.
Her pokemon in general are pretty cuddly, as well, but some are better snugglers than others. Like, Excadrill is a real sweetheart, but she’s also got massive claws and hard noggin made of steel, which aren’t the most um pleasant. And Slowbro is a little bit toxic, so be careful. Omg I forgot she had a Primarina. I love Primarina, that's my favorite starter. I’m gonna end this point here before I ramble into infinity, sorry.
Feels very into arts and crafts. She’d break out the macaroni and Elmer's glue unprompted in the league club room and everyone flocks to her, watching her and her art supplies like impoverished children about to receive their daily rations. Everyone joins in, even if they don’t want to or don’t see the point in it. Drayton loves the crafts more than anyone else, barring Lacey herself, but he usually tries to get other people to do the work for him.
I also feel like she would try to turn the league club into a band at least twice. Imagine Lemonade Mouth (aka the best disney channel original movie), but with the BB elite four. No matter how hard she tries, it always devolves into absolute chaos. Maybe one day she will get to live her band kid dreams to their fullest.
ASMR Clay kills you via excruciatingly intense eye contact because you’re dating his baby girl.mp4. He is prime overprotective dad material, and he is so stubborn at first. He acts all big and tough in front of you when you first meet, mainly because that’s just how he is, but eventually warms up to you. Don’t expect to be too close, though. “Warming up” just means that he tolerates you.
Anyways, thinking of Clay makes me think of “Heartwarming: Watch this dad totally accept his gay daughter coming out then eat 12 tacos”. He’s very accepting of anything she does, even if he’s hard on her when it comes to actually dating. He’s just hesitant to let her grow up, is all. Also, he radiates massive divorced single-dad energy.
Lacey doesn’t like to complain that much, but she does on occasion. In particular, she tends to complain when a certain school director dumps his duties onto her. It’s usually not very heated, just a brief vent about how it totally wasn’t right, hand gestures and all.
When venting, she usually prefaces that what she says might be a little mean or too much, but then she says something very reasonable and tame. Also seems like the type to apologize when she rambles on about something or other, no matter how many times you tell her that she’s fine.
Lacey slander is that she absolutely uses Texan slang. What in tarnation is the one she uses the most, but do not doubt her ability to spout country slang out of nowhere. Also owns at least one cowboy hat. And a pair of cowboy boots. She’s got the whole cowboy ensemble, actually.
Amarys, while not outwardly emotional, is also a very sweet and caring person. Facial emoting just isn’t her thing. I’m struggling to put my thoughts into words with her, because my mind is just automatically defaulting to “Amarys my beloved” instead of forming actual, tangible ideas.
I don’t think Amarys is terrible with emotions, she just isn’t good at showing them. Particularly on her face. She prefers to express her feelings through words and actions, even if they come off as robotic and stringent. They’re coming from the heart, honest. She does like to make fun little gestures with her hands, as well, like making hearts.
Despite being relatively fine at navigating her own emotions, there are certain concepts that stump her, mainly concepts that are more abstract, one’s that lack clearly defined definitions. For instance, she asks Lacey in the league room what constitutes being cute. Sometimes, she’ll approach you and ask questions about these concepts, just to gauge your expert opinion on such topics.
I feel like she has a hefty pocket watch collection. I don’t have much more to add, mainly because I don’t know much about pocket watches outside of them existing. I don’t think she’s an avid collector per say, I feel like she’s just accumulated them over time, mainly from getting them as gifts over the years.
She comes off as someone who’s a little hard to shop for, so most people tend to just get her a watch when gift giving because it’s something useful and she clearly likes them. She doesn’t mind receiving them, even if many of them don’t get used because she just has too many. At the very least, she has plenty of backup replacements if the one she uses breaks, and is also willing to share if you ever wanted to borrow one.
Lowkey a worrywart. If you mention feeling wrong or down or just have issues in general, she’ll keep checking in with you until she’s certain you are doing better. Not in, like, an overbearing way, though. She’s not hounding you constantly, just bringing it up when she sees you, or texting if you haven’t seen each other in a bit. It’s a good way to see how much she cares for you. It’s part of her love language, if you will.
Amarys is a very good person to confide in, regardless if you’re dating her or not. She’s a great listener and is always level-headed. She doesn’t have advice for every given situation, but her calm nature can help keep you grounded when venting, which really helps on top of the effect that venting generally has.
I’m split between thinking Amarys spends at least an hour in the morning styling her hair or believing that’s just how she always looks. I would assume that she takes her hair down every night, because her hairstyle doesn’t seem very comfortable to sleep in, and also seems like it would be messed up pretty easily. But the idea that she just always exists with this very specific hairstyle is kind of funny to me.
On that note, she is pretty good at styling hair in general. You don’t get that hair without having dexterous and skillful hands. Show her a picture of the style you want and she can probably get pretty damn close. Also good with hair dye jobs, as I assume she dyes some of her hair gray. Actually, maybe she doesn’t, because her eyebrows are gray. I don’t know what to believe anymore.
Gets dragged into Carmine’s antics a lot. She usually plays the straight man in comparison to Carmine’s… Carmine-ness. She can talk her friend out of her more ludicrous ideas, but she joins in on Carmine’s antics every now and then. Has had to talk Carmine out of chopping off Drayton’s massive hair tuft on multiple occasions.
While writing this I came across the idea of Amarys being the child of Lenora, the black and white normal gym leader, which I like. Mainly because I like Lenora a lot and she does canonically have a husband, so it would check out pretty well. I have nothing else to add to this, just wanted to mention it because why not.
Amarys slander? Amarys slander tonight queen? I’d say she’s the type of person to correct people’s grammar whenever they make a mistake, in both writing and conversation. This does include using it to “win” pointless arguments online, although she’s also the type to write lengthy responses in those types of arguments, so she already has all of her bases covered, but that doesn’t change her grammar correcting ways.
#pokemon x reader#fem reader#this has taken... too long#im sorry the concept of time is against me#anyways#incoming tag hell#carmine x reader#lacey x reader#perrin x reader#amarys x reader#amarys' hair is going to haunt me to the end of my days why did i think too hard about it once ahkguhj#cousins' puppy gets violent and bitey when playing bc he's a puppy and all#but he clamped down on my hand and it fuckngi hurt ow#one bite caused bleeding and two places and? i don't know how he did it bc they are in such weird positions??#had to change mu vpn server when i finished tweaking this bc google was in french oopsie#technically putting this up before valentines but it will be there in the morning#goodnight sweet prince#aka me good night sleep tight
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me when i see anybody mentioning how far away tlkof release date is:
#that’s ENOUGH#i don’t need to hear it#it haunts my every being as it is#i think of that damned potential 2026 release and like shake in my boots no cap#POSITIVE THINKING HERE#(only thing keeping me going)#🕯️late 2024 release🕯️#<- im being delulu#BUT MAYBE EARLY 2025🥹#*wipes tears*#magnus bane#kit herondale#ty blackthorn#dru blackthorn#ash morgenstern#the last king of faerie#the wicked powers#twp#tsc
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Hiding my shirt that says 'i am not normal about narratives that imply an inanimate inhabited structure is a living breathing organism' as i walk into a board room and pitch my idea that we should make more horror revolving around living architecture
#jay talkin#I JUST. I JUST. i'm thinking about old haunted house movies that have this grimy sticky feeling to the house#where the evil is not just afflicted to wood and bricksbut eminates from it as a hatred#the house itself hates you. the voice screaming get out is born on the vocal chords of the hallway#i am also thinking about The Hotel the podcast you should all already be streaming CHOP CHOP CMON NOW#which is of course a more unique and i would say more abstract sister to this concept#(said deeply positively the concepts and horror explored make my brain ping pong rapidly)#which is another reason you should be listening because it does its own thing that i think you should listen to and discover yrself :)#(and also it is far more than this this is just a tiny SLITHER of what is explored go listen NEOW)#and i am also thinking about. drum roll please. you know whats coming. yes it could be nothing else#kitty horrorshows anatomy which is TO THIS DAY one of the best and most influential games upon me i have played#a game that pushes this concept to its core grotesque emotional fleshy pulp and runs with it#anatomy is a game that breeds in anxiety and discomfort and bleeds a sincere love in the horror it portrays#that love is something i yearn to see in horror media! it is also present in the hotel AHEM AHEM#but yes anatomy is an experience like no other that you really should experience for yourself#(glances down at my shirt) um. um ok so ill leave the board meeting now thank you for listening#dear god my pain medcin kicked in and i instantly became the worlds least normal man didnt i. WELL!!! thats all of youse problem now
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MUSE -IC
I told myself that it's the best thing
I swear that I got no regrets at all
Pretending catastrophes are such a blessing
My life's just a perfect picture on the wall... Not at all!
So why'd you wind me up to waste me away?
Why'd you weave me in this web that you made?
Damn, this dream is such a nightmare
And I'm sleepin' awake
#houseflyy#Monsters Inc#Monsters At Work#Roger Rogers#(in short I think of Roger and his father over this song's lyrics)#(''pretending catastrophes are such a blessing'' ''my life is a perfect picture on the wall... not at all!''...)#(...a nod to Roger's unrelenting positivity and loving heart despite clearly being deeply disturbed & haunted by his father's actions etc.)#(''why'd you wind me up to waste me away?'')#(Waternoose being the one to introduce Roger to his mechanical/maintanence passions only to later basically pretend Roger doesn't exist)#(on top of that eventually coming to think of Sulley like a son to him... more than his actual son)#(which may very well have likely included Roger being cut out from any inheritence to the company that he might have otherwise had)#(''why'd you weave me in this web that you made?'' Waternoose giving his son his name only to become a highly notorious criminal...)#(...which left Roger unable to live life in peace in Monstropolis under his own legal name... and then also accidental spider pun lol)#(''this dream is such a nightmare'' Roger did eventually end up pursuing his passions and working for Monsters Incorporated...)#(...but at what costs along the way?)#(all of that sadly very cut down bc tag limitations so I def could go more into detail but yeah)
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y'all i've been upset about nanowrimo's shenanigans since last year, when kids weren't safe, and now there's this AI shitshow, and i want to cry about it again, because nano has been SO IMPORTANT to me since 2008--it helped me hack my writing process and make a bunch of cool shit, and i've written so many stories i love using it as a jumping off point. but. we gotta protect kids, and we gotta get the fuck out of here with AI bullshit.
so. the decision i have come to is that i will still be participating in nano. but now it stands for "now a's [that's me] novel writing month." i'm still going to write a book in november, and i'm still going to shoot for the 1,667 words/day (even though my finished projects wind up way longer than that, invariably), because i've structured my creative life around this routine, but i won't be using their site any more.
i will also not be tagging my november project posts as nanowrimo, but i WILL still be tagging them as "nano[YEAR]" (because that's been my tagging system for untitled projects for uh. years.). and it's now a's novel writing month :)
#text#personal#nanowrimo#nano2024#as soon as i can get my feelings together i'm going to go delete my account :(#i want to save my data from it though so i have to figure out How To Do That#that's like. that's my writing history. for over a decade.#well. one month's worth anyway.#i love the graphs i love the word counter i love the Record#i love that it did it for me so i didn't have to make it special for myself#a friend already did a little excel graph that accomplishes most of the same stuff so i'll use something like that#i've been counting offline for years anyway#i just. ouch.#literally the project i'm revising now was a nano seven years ago#so many of them have been#protect kids like DON'T SET THEM UP TO BE GROOMED HOLY FUCK#not protect kids like coddle and restrict access#protect kids like don't put people in positions of power who can't be trusted with it (like make sure the space is FOR TEENS)#anyway i'm tired and upset and i need to figure out what to do about this haunted house book#i wanted to get words out here before i continued to post about my writing projects just so i have sometime to point to about it#“hi here's my stance kthxbye”#admin
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just going about my day idly contemplating how some of the ways hawke can interact with a romanced anders are not at all unlike how they interact with leandra (and a bit of carver too, especially with a purple hawke), and then thought about my hawke in the timeline where he romances anders and was hit straight in the face with 'was he ever actually in love, or was he just desperately trying to renegotiate with his mother's ghost in any way he could' and now i need to lie down. this is the power of dragon age 2
#'you don't know my mother' haunting me through the years#dragon age#dragon age 2#hawke#On second thought let's not go to Kirkwall; it is a silly place#there are of course as many ways to do/read that relationship as there are players to interact with it haha and all valid!#but my personal version of handers is sooo fucked up and bad times for everyone involved and I love it haha.#this is a relationship neither of them should have been in and that made everything worse and everyone unhappy in the end#locked tomb levels of the horrors of love. i ship it but in the way that I want to make it sadder and more gutwrenching each time#to be clear this is a very mutual two-way kind of fucked up but I think varric in his loyalty and love would downplay hawke's side of it#for huge swathes of their relationship anders is not in a mental place to be a good partner and the emotional blackmail is Not Okay#(but it's just like how mother used to make it! hawke's soul cries sadly as it reaches for it hungrily)#which is in some ways fair enough no one could accuse him of not warning you ahead of time fjskda#but hawke is messy about it in a way only available to a covert people pleaser who has never had a millisecond of therapy#with some added stuff that my hawke is always acespec in some form and when he gets together with anders...#is the sex something he doesn't particularly care to have or not have but it 'makes anders happy'/he longs to feel wanted *and* needed#and also a way he gets out of ever being *actually* vulnerable (which I think he'd had to be with varric for example if he Went There )#'you want the hawke who's in your head so badly and I kind of wish I were that hawke too. so let's be collaborateurs with that fantasy'#(and then maybe if I do it right every time you'll finally be happy hawke says in his heart looking at this leandra-anders phantom form)#(and echoing stuff in varric's relationship to hawke but I think the important distinction there is that varric -- is a craftsman haha#he KNOWS when he's lying/making up a story he KNOWS the difference between what is and what he wishes the world was#(I think there's some deep longing there to not know; for it to blend together or have the power to change things. but he always knows)#which ironically leaves him in a better position to actually see and understand hawke the person#even as he is creating hawke the literary figure. almost to protect him in some ways? god da2 is so full of STUFF!!! I adore it)#and of course anders gets so disillusioned with hawke's inertia and lack of action (you all but married this man anders!#you should know this about him he's already carrying the whole family and city on his shoulders if you add a gram more he'll collapse!)#and hawke feels so desperately hurt that the promise anders seemed to make that he'd be enough -- that he could fix things for him --#('I'm the one bright light in kirkwall and that apparently doesn't count for shit so I'm just slowly turning to ash for you')#turned out to be untrue. anyway. sad now. imagine them meeting like twenty years on what the fuck could you even say to each other then#(I can't imagine Hawke ever physically hurting anyone he loves so he just tells Anders to leave at the end of DA2. they COULD meet again
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HIIIIIIII BONES what faction(s) does tiberius join? and which companions is he closest with? :]
HIII EZRA THANK YOU SO MUCH :] this got insanely long because i have. so much to say about this game it's unreal i'm very sorry in advance. but hope you enjoy ^_^
so in my canon of fallout 4, there's a couple of things different from the game because i personally don't think of tiberius as a leader in any sort of way, mainly because he's like. 23 years old. that's a literal baby. he was only born yesterday fresh out of the freezer
so!! that means that the minutemen are already very much established in the commonwealth again when he emerges from the vault, and there's a lot of sprawling settlements to be found in places where you'd otherwise have to build them yourself in game; so sanctuary isn't abandoned at all, and tiberius returns to his sister's home with a special surprise waiting for him (every other house in the neighborhood is now home to a bunch of strangers centuries into the future! welcome home boy!)
that said, tiberius DOES end up sort of joining the minutemen?? but not officially. he meets preston in sanctuary who helps him get settled in in this new and strange world and in return to show his gratitude tiberius helps out wherever and whenever he can, but considering the path of revenge he's about to go on he doesn't really consider himself good enough of a person to like. fully be part of it if that makes sense?? especially since the minutemen aim for as much peaceful resolution of things as possible, and he is not like that :(
tiberius massively dislikes diamond city, and feels a lot more at home in goodneighbor. he does some mercenary work there for a while and that's also how he ends up with the railroad, which he Does officially join :] a bunch of my other fallout ocs are also railroad agents; max, who's also general of the minutemen (don't ask how she finds the time to juggle all these different jobs she doesn't know it herself either); magnus, who's a goodneighbor guard; and nikolai, an ex-raider who now does a bunch of stealth operations for the railroad. tiberius takes his job as agent very seriously and through his new connections becomes more involved with the minutemen as well, now that he knows the two work together to give escaped synths a new and safe home and such :]
he does NOT join the brotherhood of steel. he hates them so fucking much it's unreal. to him they're literally just invading the commonwealth with the way they're terrorizing settlements and forcibly establishing their own outposts and whatnot and it causes a lot of chaos everywhere which is NOT ideal at all. max is handling most of the situation but she's clearly under a lot of pressure and it makes tiberius want to blow some shit up. which he eventually does when everything has escalated so far that there's not really another way to deal with it anymore
he only joins the institute to infiltrate them for the railroad, and he is NOT having a good time during it. he dislikes shaun (his nephew, not his son!) so fucking much but there's nothing he can do about it. i'm trying to make the institute a bit more interesting but it's still a work in progress because well the game leaves a lot to be desired on that front to me personally but either way, the whole place makes him super paranoid and he quickly realizes that it's a LOT bigger than what it's making itself out to be. the area he's allowed to be in seems just a little bit too well-organized and streamlined as if it's all pre-programmed and he constantly feels like he's being watched. which he is! because he ends up finding proof of a lot more levels that go much deeper into the ground and while a lot of them seem to be abandoned, he does end up finding evidence that there's more people holed up Somewhere. and they're watching everything that's happening in the area of the institute he's allowed to be in. it's all part of something bigger and he does NOT like that shit
lastly, tiberius ends up with the children of atom :] kind of against his will?? but also he's not really being forced to stay so it's kind of a gray area really. basically what happened is that he went to the glowing sea, ended up passing out because he went by himself like the stubborn mf he is and the children of atom take them to their crater to nurse him back to health but also give him like. some sort of special radiation cocktail of some sort which ends up making him a bit of a freak. much more resilient, much more absent as well, a bit faster than he used to be. he's basically their chosen one because i feel like out of all factions it'd make most sense for the children of atom to be weirdly obsessed with him like he's a perfectly preserved human from before the war. that IS kinda fascinating
either way tiberius doesn't really mind being part of them all that much because it puts him in like a negotiator position if that makes sense?? the other factions all have their other touching points where he isn't all that needed to create connections and stuff but having this extra connection with the children of atom who are mostly feared by the rest of the commonwealth helps a LOT with keeping peace and all that, so it's beneficial for all parties involved because it also means that tiberius can just freely enter any of their outposts and he can rely on them if he needs them for anything :] the children of atom are a lot more willing to assist him with something that may be a bit shady than the minutemen or railroad would basically so it's a good backup to have LMAO
as for companions, tiberius is closest with preston 100% :] when he emerged from the vault, preston was the first person who talked to him and didn't treat him as a possible threat, and he helped him get settled in which tiberius will always be grateful for because he was so so scared. and preston made everything a little bit easier. he's very caring and patient and matches tiberius' funnyman energy surprisingly well when they're joking around, which would all remind tiberius a lot of his sister stella. preston Would in fact be like a brother to him :]
he enjoys hanging out with piper and nick, but only sparingly so since those two just love to investigate stuff and a lot of their time hanging out ends up turning into business of some sort and tiberius does NOT have the detective's spirit! he likes being clueless. he does not always need to know everything. he does like tagging along but sometimes he just wants to SIT and have a beer or something
which, naturally so, makes hancock better company for him. tiberius did a couple of gigs for him personally (and got to know him much more intimately during a wild night with both him and magnus but we don't talk about that) and he likes to stop by goodneighbor regularly for a drink and to talk about shit that's been going on lately. since magnus and hancock are together, magnus is there a lot as well but tiberius sees him a lot more regularly at the railroad too :]
that being said, the railroad is definitely tiberius' main hub for hanging out with people he loves the gang SO much. his best friends there would be nikolai, glory (she's alive yes obviously), deacon, and tinker tom :] and also max but tiberius sees her a LOT more at the castle since that's by the end of the in-game events also a place he can be found at a lot. he doesn't take a lot of minutemen jobs but he does help out on location with whatever they need, plus the castle is a huge and busy marketplace which would be super fun to visit (especially at night) so he just likes hanging out there in general! that's also where he hangs out with cait and roxy (max' wife) whenever he gets the opportunity
tiberius' relationship with x6-88 is. strained. on a surface level he likes the guy, but his loyalty to the institute definitely gets in the way of their friendship a lot at first. i haven't entirely figured out yet how to like, get x6-88 on tiberius' side in a satisfying way that doesn't feel out of character for him?? but that's basically what i'm aiming for, because the two DO spend a lot of time together away from the institute itself which would give tiberius a lot of opportunities to show x6 what the commonwealth is really like. and what the institute's reputation is and all that. and with x6 getting attached to tiberius during all of that he WILL be forced to pick a side at the end of it all. and i personally don't think he would side against tiberius after spending all that time building up an actual friendship for the first time in his life
surprisingly enough, tiberius and maccready did NOT!!! get along well at first AT ALL. when tiberius was taking gigs in goodneighbor he was unbeknownst to him stealing away a lot of mac's clientele so naturally mac has very one-sided beef with him. especially because both of them are like. babies. i can't remember maccready's exact age but that's a baby. and tiberius is one too. and they're both competitive and kinda stupid so when they first "officially" meet there's this insane tension between the two of them and every conversation they have is just a pissing contest. they've been kicked out of goodneighbor together on at least one occasion because of their near screaming competitions
(at some point after the battle of bunker hill and tiberius has temporarily broken ties with the institute because shaun's attitude pissed him the fuck off he goes to goodneighbor with his friends and after a drink or two too many he agrees to a bet maccready makes with him about killing elder maxson. tiberius succeeds by knocking out a brotherhood pilot and pretending to be the pilot instead, sort of successfully flying a vertibird up to the prydwen, somehow knocking out a guy in full power armor to then steal said guy's power armor, killing elder maxson (who by then has committed enough war crimes including but not limited to laughing max in the face when she tried to talk to him about a possible collaboration in hopes to keep the peace in the commonwealth) with a pipe pistol, and then jumping down(!!!!!!!!!) in the power armor to make his escape by walking over the bottom of the ocean on the shoreline in the power armor. he brought the guy's coat and dogtags with him as proof. maccready was turned on and angry about it)
but after traveling together for a while, tiberius and maccready learn they have a lot more in common than they initially thought and they grow closer over time :] i adjusted mac's story as well by making lucy his older sister rather than his wife (HE'S A BABY. HE DOESN'T NEED A WIFE AND A CHILD IN THIS ECONOMY) and duncan his nephew, so it's still a direct parallel to tiberius' story except lucy is still alive but missing, whereas stella is in fact very much dead. at first it makes tiberius feel frustrated and upset in a very selfish way, but it helps him with like, allowing himself to grieve for the first time since he exited the vault which by then is a LONG time ago, and then it also helps him with moving on from it rather than staying stuck in the past. helping mac with curing duncan and finding lucy helps the both of them and after all that they end up getting together :]
SO YEAH. very bumpy road for tiberius all in all and he makes connections in a bunch of different places, but he's always just a gear in the machine rather than the one operating the machine if that makes sense :] he feels a lot more at ease when he can actually make a difference at his own pace rather than having everyone look up to him constantly, the closest he got to that was when he was the one to infiltrate the institute and he has NEVER been that stressed before in his life. he makes it out alive and relatively unharmed but good lord. he's never doing that shit ever again
#asks#elgaravel#ask:tiberius#oc asks#this got so long i'm so sorry but i can never just stay on topic i always have more things to say#i loveeee thinking about fallout 4 though. i love adjusting things to suit my story better#things for the institute are still cooking in my brain but i do like to keep things a bit mysterious and vague on purpose#because the whole thing is that tiberius does NOT know what's actually going on!! and it makes everything so much more tense#and to keep it a mystery even after he's blown up the institute. or at least what he thinks is the institute. i think that adds something#to the story that revealing all secrets at the end would kinda take away. because this keeps that paranoia in there if that makes sense#even after being destroyed the institute continues to make people feel on edge and i LIKE that shit. haunting the narrative and all#like yes it's been destroyed but if it was bigger than what it seemed to be then IS it really all destroyed#are there more locations. was this all just an experiment. does vault-tec have more to do with it. who knows! not tiberius!#he's just a guy!!! and that is Very important to me. like in a way yes he IS special he's pre-war and not a ghoul or anything#but also he is not suited for leadership positions. he will step up when he has to when there's no alternative but he would rather not#and just. the children of atom being obsessed with him felt right to me i can't explain that. like that just Makes Sense
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//share the tea sis how does spotlight megatron affects you?
IT'S SO FUCKING BAD IN THERE DUDE IT GETS SO BAD IN SPOTLIGHT MEGATRON IT MAKES SO SICK . Okay for context Megatron was temporarily dead (or out of commission. either way his ass was gone ) and shockwave was like. making him a new body. and in the meantime starscream was leading the cons, which in theory sounds great for her, right? NO megatron had made her such a joke over the years by treating her as unserious and beating the shit out of her in front of them that they all lost respect for her, so literally NONE of them listen to her and just. since they're stranded on an asteroid, they start eating each other for energon. very fun stuff.
anyways thats the context in spotlight megatron its about when he comes back after this and dude its so fucking bad for starscream it makes me sick the entire issue is megatron just being fucking horrible to her. literally for starscreams end of things it started with her being depressed as fuck in the main room and megatron being a little bitch and she's like "i know you're here to beat the shit out of me and mock me just get on with it" and she LITERALLY GRABS HIS ARM CANON AND POINTS IT AT HER LIKE JUST DO IT I KNOW YOU WILL. And all Megatron is thinking is "oh she's already depressed this isn't gonna be fun at all :/" LIKE HELLO WHAT THE FUCK MAN. AND PROCEEDS TO JUST VERBALLY BERATE HER. FOLLOWED BY THIS PANEL LIKE CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU
Like it's just so fucking bad he's literally trying to gode her into fighting him back or saying something nasty or anything cause he doesn't think it's fun when she's just miserable like hello !!!! and she's so miserable that she's just like at this point i fucking hope you do kill me. and he's like oh well if you really wanted to die you would've fought back what you CLEARLY want is punishment so let me beat the shit out of you. and I use this part in my pinned graphic but eaugaugehaahgahgah i'm ill im ill im sick
and of course at the end of all this fucking shit he's like you're welcome and you can work on repaying me for teaching you this valuable lesson. i'm punching a wall the entire issues so fucked up it's just a mental saw trap for starscream from megatron that ends in her getting beat an inch from her life. yay!! so fun!!!!!
#THE GRAND SCHEMER. / * OOC . ❞#captainseamech#like peace and love. i think this should be mandatory reading whenever people wanna go over starscream and megatrons dynamic in IDW#it's so bad in there it makes me so sick#sick in like. not a positive way cause euaeaugaugha but not in a bad way. i think it really. thats true to their dynamic. and im :( about i#this shit haunts her regularly i know it#for more plotpoints on why her and megatrons dynamic make me sick : the entire part early in RID#where he comes back post war and makes her watch as he destroys the one time she built a chance at power for herself#and fucking destroys the first thing she did post war and after him#and then that part in TAAO where shes yelling at bumblebee and literally says#i AM alone in this life because the MOMENT i forgot that life#usually in the form of MEGATRON#WOULD BEAT IT BACK INTO ME.#IS THIS THING ON CAN ANYONE HEAR ME PLEASE#long post#long post tw
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Thinking about Bernard telling Fran that the dress she was wearing for her date was nice in S1E3
#yapping#text post#black books#bernard black#fran katzenjammer#… again#also that scene in S3E6 where he drapes his coat over her after she passes out on his couch#guys what if I was so normal about them I ate glass#they make me so#AUGHHHHHH#they’re the best man/woman platonic relationship I’ve ever seen#imo ☝️#I know that some people ship them but I honestly view them more as a sister/brother dynamic#like the way Fran’s the only person who Bernard listens to#(mostly by beating the shit out of him lmao)#(which is very sibling-coded if you ask me)#I saw someone say once that Manny may be temporary in their lives#but they’ll always have each other#that literally haunts me (positive)#like I’m going to lose my shit help#anyway#I’m done writing a fucking essay in my tags now#my fault gang
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so john smith is a character that ten "made up" (ie. the tardis generated him to fit the time period it picked). a fundamentally empty person that he can't control will do. someone that is missing the inherent parts of what makes ten himself, like not just his two hearts but things that truly deeply matter to him. things like not hurting anyone or not abandoning a companion or not being someone that teaches children how to shoot a weapon and fight in a war. human ten might show echoes of normal ten here or there like the art or the intelligence but their differences are rly kinda the point of the arc. multiple times human ten is given the opportunity to give himself up and sacrifice himself for those around him and it's only until the very, very last minute that he makes the decision that normal ten would've done in an instant. this isn't your normal amnesia storyline; ten temporarily erased himself from existence to give the family of blood a chance of dying peacefully, and replaced himself with someone else who wouldn't do that same thing; who is so ordinary and complacent and cishet and probably even likes the texture of pears
#obligatory asterisk on the not hurting anyone bit but like. ten IS a pacifist i think this is one of his defining character traits#and one of the main things he carries over from the growth that nine did over his season#tenth doctor#dr who#sorry i needed to get out my thoughts on the human ten arc it's still haunting me#BECAUSE. ten's humanity while being a time lord is such a constant theme with him#i don't think john smith embodies humanity more than ten does. just a different aspect of it.#you could def argue a more uglier side of it. bc like. [gestures vaguely] lmao#for a second i thought it was a normal amnesia storyline tho and i thought it was cute that human ten was a teacher.#bc im of the opinion if ten existed in a modern au he'd be a high school teacher. undeniably#opinion redacted as i actually found out what was actually happening tho. lmao.#nobody gets this stupid arc like i do i have grievances with it but it Says So Much About Ten#while he isn't there at all. this is the point. he isn't there and martha has to take on everything by herself#skimming the confidential eps for that arc and the show making martha go through all that. was probably them trying to show that martha#is like strong and capable and has grown to such a position of trust for ten across the season. However. [gestures vaguely]#white british writer's room that doesn't get that racism isn't just some episodic villain martha has to face this one time#10 era
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ok so maybe people weren't lying and exercise is actually good for you because i haven't had insanely bad cramps and my pms didn't make me think hey i wanna die actually and i might be in a great mood after cycling for an hour and yeah my sleep is slowly getting better so like yeah whatever 🙄
#only reason i've been sleeping poorly is because i've been Sweating so much#even tho it's getting colder again like body what is up with that#but the dreams are not as haunting and i don't remember them as much#been getting 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep which doesn't seem much!#but i'm used to waking up fully every hour or so so like#i'm taking what i can LMAO#trying to focus on all the mental stuff and not the physical tbh#i mean my legs are getting more defined i can feel a lot more muscle#but my legs get muscle really quick LMFAO#but yeah i gotta focus on those positives and not my stupid brainrot with losing weight#gonna look for japanese classes in person and not just over zoom which for me!! insane#wanting to go out and meet new people? yeah nuts but i think i gotta#but yeah i've been cycling for 5 weeks and i think my mental health is indeed improving#smh i'm gonna have to admit that i'm wrong to my brother in law this sucks (he's amazing but i hate being wrong LMAO)#b.txt
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Now I normally try to finish books (kindle) even if they aren’t the best bc who knows maybe the story will pick up later or whatever, but when the god damn main woman character (in this fantasy book) refuses to eliminate a threat (the villain that terrorized her her whole life, caused all kinds of death, destruction, terror, chaos, he’s completely evil and unhinged) even though she is in a position of power to do so and just puts him in jail instead bc “it’s not in my nature, I can’t 😢” even though literally everyone (that knows 10x better than she ever will) tells her that this guy needs to be killed bc otherwise the whole town and surrounding towns will never be safe again. But noooo for some reason she would rather let this a-hole live and allows his minions to continue walking free amongst the ppl with no consequences whatsoever but, fine, fine I will keep reading, surely she will change her mind soon. Que evil villain escaping (something everybody saw coming a mile away) and in his escape with the help of his minions (they were plotting???? What a surprise!!! 😒) he causes even more death, destruction, chaos, terror, at least 45 ppl die during his big escape and so the ppl come to her again and are like “well damn, that was a shit show, now he’s on the loose and needs to be stopped immediately. It’s obvious no one is safe, this guy is a rabid dog that needs to be put down. Girl holding the highest position of power now, surely you see that this can’t go on and as soon as he’s found he needs to be killed! Right?” And her god damn response after everything is basically “but but but… I don’t wanna 🥺” then no I’ve gotta quit the story I mean for fucks sake! How stupid can you be “well I don’t want my time as ruler to go down in history as violent 🥺 there must be another way, I want my ppl safe” like girl none is safe with you as ruler you absolute numbskull! “But but but my morals 🥺” fuck you and your stupid “morals”. Grow up! you don’t care about anyone but yourself. If you actually cared about your ppl you would eliminate the villain that has been terrorizing them for years. How about you give these poor people a little peace of mind instead of whining about your morals. You are more of a threat to them at this point with your inaction. You only care about your feelings and your comfort regarding certain subjects, and yet everybody around is like practically forced to coddle her and be all oh it’s not your fault it’s ok, like no it’s not ok, you are a moron and are not fit to rule! ridiculous, why am I so enraged over some shitty book on kindle? I mean this is a 3 book series, I’m abandoning it about a handful of pages into the second book, I just can’t!
#oh! oooohhh! and!#the villain and 2 of his minions kidnapped her and her friend before she had her position of power ok#the villain who is of courses obsessed with main girl he focuses mainly on her#both girls get beat up blah blah#and then the two minions drag her unconscious friend into a room and keep her there for days#after being rescued the friend has a haunted look in her eye and is a shell of who she once was#and the main girl is like I just can’t figure out why she’s so depressed#she’s not her happy go lucky self anymore#I have no idea what those two evil men did to an unconscious woman behind closed doors for days#I just can’t figure out why she isn’t recovering as fast as me from the ordeal#I mean what is with her I just don’t know#while I rack my brain I’m gonna let the exact two men who took her away to wander free with no consequences around the town#someone asks her if she wants to do something about those two men that helped with the kidnapping#no she says I’m gonna wait until they actually do something#I’m sorry what??! they kidnap you both beat you terrorize you and drag your unconscious friend behind closed doors for days#and you still can’t figure out what they did to her and yet that’s not enough for you to take action??#what the absolute fuck do you think they did with her you Imbecile!#I mean the villain has only be threatening to turn you into his s*x slave but you can’t connect that to your friends ordeal??#I mean really?#you don’t know?#I would certainly consider that enough to take action but#I just….#the idiocy physically hurts me#you are supposed to be the heroine and you are a complete idiot#I hate you girl
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nigel & alex - to be haunted by your love
henri nouwen // like minds (2006) // death - melanie martinez // pope alexander - crywank // her mother's kiss - eugene carriere // sometimes i fall asleep thinking about you - catarine hancock // the song of achilles - madeline miller // achilles lamenting the death of patroclus - gavin hamilton // lee martens
#am i happy with this? no. am i posting anyway? you bet your ass i am#another largely experimental post so take it with a grain of salt#honestly i could've just posted the achilles comparison part on its own and liked it better#cause that's really the part i wanted to get to#BUT the song lyrics are so load-bearing to this post. they started the whole thing. so it didn't feel right kicking them to the curb#so you get the whole shamozle lmao#anyway this post is more or less a take on the idea of when people say no one ever truly dies so long as your memory of them lives on#so long as you always carry your love for them in your heart#and how it's always meant to be a good thing you know? a positive thing#but what happens when it's not. what happens when their memory is a weight you drag forward? when that love is a haunting#when an absence becomes a presence in of itself#and you wish you could be rid of it. but you can't. and now they're in everything you do. they're everywhere you go#a permeation over every aspect of your life? how are you supposed to handle that kind of feeling#in the end this was more or less me scratching an itch wondering what life for alex was like after nigel was gone#and how fundamentally nigel does end up gaining immortality by living on in alex's memory#and arguably by becoming a part of him too#maybe my brain just hasn't fully recovered yet from being sick 🤡#like minds#murderous intent#nigel colbie#alex forbes#web weave#quotes
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wait Haunted Cosmos has been Brian Sauvé this whole time??
#not a listener but i saw an episode synopsis with his name in it#and was like ‘oh man they had him on as a guest. bet that was a trip.’#and then I kept scrolling and ALL the episode synopses had his name in them#the man is a distant enigma to me. can’t pin him down. and couldn’t reach if I wanted to bc I never go on Twitter#mobile#x#Haunted Cosmos#oh this reminds me my pastor walked past me on Sunday while chatting with his youngest son and I overheard#’I just think they’re Nephilim dude. giants? come on.’#and I genuinely couldn’t tell by his tone if he was positing a historical theory or joking about basketball players
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