#this is further confused by the way i
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weird question but how do you say callebero? because i keep switching between cal-le like California and calle like callate
:D welcome to the world of "deciphering names you picked as a child that you thought were french but were actually wrong!Spanish"
So I pronounce it closer to callate (for reference: 'callebero' comes from baby!me misreading 'caballero'). The 'll' is for sure a 'y' sound and the 'e' of '-bero' is a romantic-ish 'e' (aka long a-ish).
htf you pronounce the first two vowels however depends on whimsy and astronomical influences (mostly i say it with a long a, then sort of a short e, but honestly it could be pronounced with the same first two syllables as 'cállate' and it would fly)
I think it'd be like this in IPA: keɪʝabeɾo
....i do not know enough about linguistics to know if that works but an attempt was made!!
#this is further confused by the way i#for years#used caleb as his nickname#aeridian is very much not a full conlang (tho i do have a spreadsheet for it orz)#but in general most of its pronunciation is based in romance languages#j and g are a little weird bc g doesn't exist and j is pretty strictly pronounced the way like... je m'appelle uses it#w does exist but i straightup don't think i've ever written an aeridian word that uses it#asked & answered#o-winterqueen-o#story: tcp
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i killed. i murdered. i'm nothing like these sleepy people here… nevertheless, you can actually be grateful? bastard… i’m saying… thank you. because you spilled blood, you saved all of these people’s lives. i couldn’t have done it without you. (ID in alt)
#vashwood#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#trigun#trigun maximum#participated in altades' dance collab :3 very grateful for the opportunity and many thanks to them for organizing this!#there was a lot of vw arc choices... but i went for the leonof arc bc it's a dear vw moment to me#i think a lot of the leonof arc further breaks down vash's ideology and for the readers - together with ww- to learn that his ideals aren't#pure naivety and that vash knows he's at an odd standpoint with himself. he's criticized ww for shooting rai-dei just prior when ww had don#so on the behalf of vash but here he thanks him for killing on behalf of his home and its genuine. bc vash's presence - although it's not#his fault - he was the reason leonof and gray had gotten to the ship and killed people there. that's the guilt he has to live with and#despite his anger he'd still resolute not to kill. meanwhile ww just did what he had to - beating down on a seemingly immortal monster but#at the core made up of many lives he had to take and i feel as the fight dragged on - his own mentality waned. committing active carnage#while remembering the orphanage... and bearing that guilt alongside the words vash left with him during rai-dei's death#only for vash to thank him afterwards what he's done and for apologizing for pushing his beliefs on ww when he had no solutions of his own#anyway. i just have so an immense love for this arc bc they just got around to appreciating each other in weird ways. though ofc its still#weird and confusing for ww bc every new info on vash it'll just be strange to him as someone who's human#ruporas art
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[ocs] between the two of them, they almost have an entire outfit
(pls don't reblog to non-kink blogs!)
#sneeze kink#snz kink#snz art#...is it weird tagging this as such when theres no actual sneeze only the Implications of Sneeze? idk but here we are!#sickos.art#oc: phoenix 🐦#oc: crow 🐦⬛#(apologies to the anon who thought crow was a woman; this is probably just confusing the matter further lmao)#(for the record: crow's gender is “no thanks”; their sexuality is “pretty much just this one guy” (but in the most bisexual way possible);)#(& as for their junk i give you free reign to imagine whatever. 'cuz they're fictional. but i won't be clarifying further <3)#(sometimes the mystery is part of the appeal y'know?)
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There is a drunk korean customer hitting on the number one cutest karaoke staff 💦
Korean Maki x Japanese Nico AU
This is inspired by a trend on Twitter a while ago where people draw Korean X Japanese girl (see the QRT and you’ll be flooded by lots of cute art)
of course being the nicomaki trash i am, i draw this AU for them, I think it’s my favorite AU now 😇
why this makes sense for nicomaki: 1) Pile is half korean 2) I just want to draw it
i got a nkmk infection in my brain- this whole story only took 5 seconds to write in my head 👇
Maki is half Korean-Japanese & currently on a medical student exchange in Japan. There she meets Nico, a staff at a karaoke place that Maki frequently visits.
Maki can’t take her eyes off Nico since day one but being the loser she is, she buries her feelings. One night, Maki gets too drunk and spills everything out in Korean right IN FRONT OF NICO and when they're getting closer- Maki: *pass out* Nico: ...huh? huh??
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The next day Maki frantically apologizes to Nico for all the embarrassing thing she had done & Nico forgive ofc Maki: did I do other things to you? Nico: nothing... Maki: oh thank god Nico: haha yeah, you're definitely not trying to kiss me Maki: haha yeah Nico: yeah Maki: Nico:
(It's going to be so entertaining when Maki finds out that cute girl is actually 3 years older than her...)
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AND ANYWAY with that apology happening Nico is being called to work again and before she left, she said
"Dont mind it :) Let's introduce ourselves properly next time, of course when you're sober haha"
Maki, the night later being the loser she is:
YAZAWA-SAN... I LOVE YOU.............
translation of the mixing language gay despair maki-chan:
"Why are you so cute? Isn’t it unfair to be that cute? Is she asking me out on a date? I can’t stop thinking about you… ah, it’s bad, I’m mixing up Japanese, Korean, and English. Really, I’m so hopelessly in love, what should I do??? (ㅠ ㅠ)(ㅠ ㅠ)"
new character unlocked, say hello to kousaka honoka, daughter of a local bar owner
translation of the mixing language gay despair maki-chan(2):
"I'm not okay at all. I am in love… uahhhh Yazawa-san is so CUTE!!! What should I do???"
If I ever made a nkmk doujinshi i will totally pick this story (unless there are more exciting story in the future we will never know) there is so much to explore with this AU flustered maki-chan who is head over heels for nico and nico who like to tease maki-chan oooooooooooooooooooooooo
#this story made me insane oh my god when I draw that confused drunk maki I had to cover my mouth several times#because they're so cute?????????? help#when i tell you i smile way too much when drawing it akh#sanest nicomaki fan ever bye#its driving me crazy just like maki so crazy in love with nico#life is so good thank you nkmk for existing#everyday we stay further from god#i love u.... gay magnet.........#sioneve au#sioneve art#lovelive#nicomaki#yazawa nico#nishikino maki#muse#kousaka honoka#shit i alsmot write kousaka homoka#i love this AU so much i might occasionally add 4koma if I had think of any
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Okay
What if...
While Xelqua is practicing spells, he makes a mistake...
Which then results in him turning into a child until the spell is reversed?
xelqua can do this on command actually !
i've sorta doodled this idea before, in attempt to comfort Grian and not look so scary in his usual form (old art)
Xelqua can probably change his form in other ways, but i think only within versions of Grian haha.
If he changes on purpose, then he's very in control, but I think if it happens from stress or intense emotions or even if he stays in form too long, it'll affect his psyche, like he won't remember who he is, and will act as if he is genuinely a kid, and believes he is !
#ask#i tihnk abt this a lot !!!!!#something abt grian dealing with kid xelqua for the first time like ??? change back ? why are you a kid ??#and xelquas staring at him like. what. what ? why are you stupid ?#i think they fight a lot like this. grian doesnt have time to babysit ! but xelquas genuinely a kid. Grian will be annoyed but will watch e#xelqua changes back when he remembers who he is. but you can't force it. bc it'll just stress him out further#and he still has powers as a kid ! dont wanna do that hahaha#i have brute forced a family au in the most confusing way possible
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grass knot
[~4.5k words, read it here or on Ao3. tagged with Volo and Lance since they appear as prominent characters; Rei-centric]
Why is it that even the thought of confiding in Akari, his closest friend, makes something constrict in his chest, choking out the words?
Rei, caught in the stirrings of a new arc, tries to rise to its call, but trips over the past at every turn.
A full rewrite of that Mysterious Stones chapter where Volo first shows up, from Rei’s POV, plus a bit more. Written mostly before the Arceus Arc began.
(Setting expectations: a lot of this fic is just Rei Thinking About Stuff haha. Love getting into his head! His characterisation is a little bit different/more nuanced compared to the other Rei oneshot I wrote; hopefully you'll still be along for the ride if you've read that one!)
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“Show me thy bond.” It echoes inside Rei’s skull, down to the very bone, the same as in his earliest memories. He nearly buckles under its weight, but it's a welcome feeling.
After so long without direction, this is a relief. Arceus has finally spoken.
The words fit perfectly with the half-remembered fragments Rei had received some weeks ago in the middle of the night. Why hadn't they been intelligible then? What makes now different? The sync stones ultimate are one factor, of course. Maybe Arceus draws power from them, which is strange to say of a deity, but from what he knows of the Plates, it might not be so far-fetched.
Prince Lear disperses the murmuring crowd; so, the audience all heard it too, not just those on the arena floor. Professor Bellis congratulates Bettie. Cynthia, Lance and Steven whisper among themselves. And his mind still whirls with new theories as they gather together.
What does Arceus want?
‘Seek out all Pokemon’ had meant completing the Pokedex. At least, that’s what he’d assumed. Now, this time, Arceus likely means for them to showcase bonds with their Pokemon, given the context. But what does that actually entail?
Cynthia’s words cut above everyone else's. “Rei. Was that voice…?”
All eyes are on him. He breathes deeply, steeling himself, as the familiar weight of it settles in. Things are moving, now.
“Yes. I'm certain. That was —”
“Indeed! That was a message from Arceus!”
His words catch in his throat. Off-balance, suddenly, as all his thoughts fall away, replaced by a swooping feeling he can't quite identify —
He whirls around.
Volo is here.
He takes a few steps back, an involuntary half-stumble, before remembering himself.
Those flashes of movement he's been seeing, the feeling of being watched, a Togepi, unattended: they’re all now terrifyingly validated. He'd half thought them a product of his overactive mind.
“Excuse-moi, pardon me… but who are you?” Professor Bellis ventures.
“I'm Volo — a humble merchant who loves history and mythology!” With that, he flashes a winning smile. Rei could laugh at the sheer audacity of it all, but his thoughts are still strewn across the dusty ground, scattered, and they slip from his grasp as he tries to gather them up. Whatever sense of gravity he’d felt upon hearing Arceus’ voice has completely lifted.
“But more importantly!” Volo continues. “When the arena shone brightly, I also heard that voice.” He brings his hand up to point at the air with enthusiastic emphasis, a gesture still so terribly familiar. Rei clenches his fists, feeling the nails dig into his skin. Not really out of anger. More as a reminder.
The last time he’d seen Volo had been. Well. Memorable. But that isn’t the image that smiles back at him now, tripping him up. He's in Gingko uniform again, complete with ridiculous oversized backpack, which Rei had thought discarded, up there on the peak. Apparently not. Had Volo returned later, still seething, to collect his things? The concept is strangely hilarious.
“I wonder… these sync stones ultimate… might they be some sort of test from Arceus? If we could show him that ‘bond’ he desires —”
“Sorry, test? Arceus?” Cynthia interrupts with a frown, holding a hand out. “What makes you say that?”
“Why, it's quite simple. Arceus' presence was summoned by these stones, in this exhibition, and he requests us to further show our bond. What else could he desire?” Volo says, gesturing widely.
Rei finally pulls himself upright — scrapes his thoughts together into something resembling coherence. The initial shock has drained away, settling into a distant sort of apprehension. He watches silently. Volo’s not really saying anything too unreasonable, but where is this leading?
There’s so much he doesn’t know. What has Volo been doing, all this time? How long has he been on Pasio? What does he hope to gain, approaching them like this?
He’ll let Volo continue, then. It's an opportunity for some of those questions to be answered.
(And it gives Rei time to think of what to say.)
“Well, put that way, that does make sense,” Steven nods along. “Should we organise for more trainers to try the stones, then?”
“Oui, I would love to gather more data!” Professor Bellis answers. “However, the stones are still quite volatile. There is progress on this, yes, but for now, I would like to limit their use, capisci?”
At this, Bettie speaks up. “Yeah, it was weird.” She runs a hand through her Pikachu’s fur, the mouse curled up lazily in her arms. Nobody in Hisui was quite that affectionate with their Pokemon. Certainly not Akari, though she'd grown closer with her own Pikachu over time. As for himself, Decidueye had been standoffish, averse to being carried even as a baby Rowlet. Well, actually — as his distracted mind digs deeper into memory, he recalls — there had been Volo and his Togepi.
He casts that errant thought away, buries it deep once again. Bettie is still speaking.
“And it was like nothing was there, at first, and Pikachu and I had to concentrate really hard. And then — whoosh! Wow! Overwhelming,” she shifts Pikachu’s weight to one arm to gesture with emphasis, “and all at once.”
“And this is when Arceus spoke,” Lance asks.
Bettie nods, now subdued. “It was a rush! I think you guys could handle it, but I dunno if everyone could.”
“If I may,” and all attention returns to Volo. “It seems the stones can currently be used by trainers with particularly powerful convictions, and bonds with their Pokemon,” he gestures with a smile to Bettie. She blushes.
At the casual flattery, Rei can't help the small frown that twists onto his face. It seems innocent enough, but compliments and niceties can so easily mask true intent.
Especially with Volo.
Volo continues. “Perhaps we might solve this by way of a tournament, of sorts. Allowing Arceus to witness our talent and dedication, with the victor bestowed the honour of using the stones! Of course, the winner of such a competition would have the fortitude necessary to handle such power.”
Well, taking that to its logical end… Volo wants to win, and be granted this ‘honour’ he so conveniently proposed. But why go to all this trouble? The stones appear out in the streets quite often — apparently, found even by preschoolers. Volo should have no trouble obtaining them.
Does he know something they don't?
“Bettie here led the first winning PML team, did she not?” At this, the girl in question smiles Mareepishly. “And that is why she was the one to demonstrate the stones, I presume,” Volo inclines his head towards the Champions.
Informed guess, or something more? He thinks back on half-seen, furtive movements, and wonders.
“That's right,” Steven confirms. “Bettie is a shining example to us: a leader of the next generation. We decided there was no better choice.”
“So you suggest we hold another tournament,” Lance says thoughtfully. “Well, there is precedent. Prince Lear,” he turns to the Prince, whom Rei had honestly half forgotten was there. “What do you think?”
Before Lear can reply, Volo reinserts himself into the conversation. “It would be a grand tournament, truly fitting of Pasio's reputation. Why, perhaps, the deity Arceus might even be compelled to descend —”
Ah. So that’s what he intends. “Aren't you getting ahead of yourself there?” Rei interrupts. He means to sound stern, but it comes out sounding more incredulous. Not at the idea itself, but at how brazenly it’s admitted.
“Perhaps,” Volo says with a careless shrug. He doesn’t acknowledge Rei any differently than the others, still maintaining their inadvertently shared ruse. “It's only speculation, of course, but it is exciting to think about!”
“Hmph! I believe I was the one being addressed,” Prince Lear declares, arms crossed. His red shades flash dangerously, eyes hidden under their glint. Directed at him, it's almost like the full glare of an Alpha Pokemon.
Rei’s face flushes with heat to the tips of his ears. Great time he picked to enter the discussion. He quietly ducks his head down; the Prince is in charge, here, after all. He'd rather not test his patience.
Meanwhile, Volo just smiles, seemingly unfazed.
There's a part of him that really wants to know how Volo does that. It's just — he's so confident. How can he be so sure that everything will work out in his favour?
“A grand tournament,” Prince Lear ponders, tapping his foot. “And what could be grander than the second Pokemon Masters League?”
“Indeed!” Volo beams. “I'm sure the audience would love to see the clash between a king and a deity, would they not?”
Lear's tapping stills. His guarded stance loosens; he's taken aback. Volo emphasised king, and oh, Lear's official title is Prince. Hm.
There's something more deliberate about it beyond just casual flattery.
Lear uncrosses his arms and seems at a loss, for a moment, on where to put them before straightening up with his hands on hips. “Is that so?” He laughs. “I like the sound of that!” A pause, unnecessarily dramatic. Nobody breaks the silence, not even Volo.
The Prince looks around with some satisfaction and continues. “Very well, then. The winning team of the second PML will be granted the honour of using the sync stones ultimate.” He grins, sharply, red shades flashing once again. “Which will include me, of course. Hahahahaha!”
“You have a real gift for making quick decisions!” Volo says cheerfully. The tension breaks. Chuckles arise from the rest of the group, and Rei can only stare in disbelief. That — that has to be mockery, right? But everyone else seems to take it as light teasing, even the quick-tempered Prince himself.
Against his better judgement, his gaze catches Volo’s.
He doesn't know what he expects to see: amusement? Satisfaction? Triumph? And there's some of that, but it's a wry, knowing sort of look, like a joke shared only between the two of them.
Already the others are starting to animatedly discuss between themselves. Bettie makes a teasing comment to Lear, who scoffs. Professor Bellis says something about checking in on the sync stone technology. Cynthia, Lance and Steven form their own little group again, speaking in low tones, and he can't quite follow their discussion.
It seems like he's the only one who notices Volo quietly slipping away, and he's got half a mind to do the same.
Would it be incredibly ill-advised to follow him? Probably. But he still has questions. And it’s possible that Volo will let his guard down when they're alone.
(Even to him, that seems incredibly optimistic. But there’s things between them that he himself would rather only unearth in private. Maybe Volo feels the same way. And even if not, perhaps he'll gloat, or tease playfully, and let on something of use hidden in the thorned barbs.)
It's not like he has much left to contribute here. Tournaments and competitions and organised displays are foreign to him. The Neo Champion Stadium had felt so different from the kind of battles he’s used to… which, in part, could be why he lost.
He needs to train. If everything rests on the result of this tournament, he has to be ready.
The group seems to be naturally dispersing, at least — Professor Bellis just excused herself — so he won't be missed. With some quick words, he, too, turns to leave. They can handle this part, and Rei will do his.
Prince Lear had mentioned a winning team, and Pasio battles are generally three on three, from what he's seen. Who could he ask? There's Akari, of course. And the clan leaders, but it would feel strange to team up with only one and not the other. A little bit too reminiscent of another time.
His steps carry him nearly to the edge of the arena.
Besides, he's getting ahead of himself. He still has to… well, he should explain everything to them. About Volo.
Even all these months later, it still aches. He had buried it all, hoping to let it rot away, to be free of that thorny mass of contradictory feelings that arose every time he dwelled on it.
But the longer he waits, the more impossible it seems to explain — to explain not only the events of that fateful day, but also his own, confusing silence on the matter. Though he’s tried to plough the field, turn it all over and start anew, it still lies just beyond the surface, and a single misstep is all it takes to snarl him all over again. Why is it that even the thought of confiding in Akari, his closest friend, makes something constrict in his chest, choking out the words?
(Akari is unquestionably the one person he's closest to. But there was a time when that singular title wasn't so clear cut.)
There’s a sort of tunnel that leads out of the stadium, a long darkened archway that passes under the audience stands. He's about halfway through when he hears footsteps from behind, swift and purposeful strides.
His breath catches, for a moment. But Volo left first, and the arena had been flat and wide, with no corners to lurk in. Besides, it's too loud. Clearly telegraphed.
Cynthia, maybe?
He turns. The face that greets Rei is slightly less familiar. “Lance,” he acknowledges the Champion.
“Rei,” Lance greets in turn, stopping a few paces away. Arms crossed, silhouetted against the light of the arena and framed by the tunnel’s dark, arching walls, his tall figure is — intimidating.
He can’t help but wonder whether that's deliberate.
“You left before I could ask,” Lance says, and there's a pause. “As someone who has prior experience with Arceus, what do you think of all this?”
A fair enough question. But the way it's said… sounds a little too carefully worded. Casual, but purposefully so.
What sort of answer does Lance expect?
“It sounds reasonable enough,” he decides to say. As much as he hates to lend credence to Volo’s proposal, he can't think of anything better. It somehow seems to suit their needs perfectly, which he's sure is no accident. “Back in Hisui, I was told to seek out all Pokemon, so I helped with the Pokedex. In the same way, I guess this could help fulfil Arceus' new request.”
Lance nods along, but his brows furrow. “You sounded more sceptical, earlier,” he points out.
Ah. Not really his intent, but… “That was about the more…” he casts about for the right word, “speculative part of it. I don't know if it would really call Arceus down, or anything like that.” Though honestly, he doesn't know that it won't.
“What do you think will happen, then?” Lance asks, with clear curiosity, and, well. He doesn't really have a good answer to that.
“... I don't know,” he admits. “I never actually completed the Pokedex, so I'm not sure what happens after Arceus’ request is fulfilled.” He had been close, but there had still been so many minor tasks that needed finishing, things to busy himself with, to arrange and get in order before he had to face Giratina again.
He hadn't been ready, yet. Maybe Arceus had grown impatient, and brought him here to confront his problems directly. Maybe it cared. Maybe it didn't.
(Seeing Giratina with Cynthia had felt a little like he was the punchline of some divine comedy.)
Lance purses his lips and looks off into the distance, out of the stadium, past Rei. He wishes he could read the man’s expressions better; as it is, the set of his brows calls to mind Kamado, and everything else tangled up with it.
Finally, Lance’s gaze turns directly to Rei once again, and he speaks. “That Volo… you two know each other.”
It’s not a question, but even then, the expression of unguarded surprise he can’t hold back might be answer enough.
Lance has one hand on his hip, the other, at rest, is framed by the drape of his cape. He looks down at Rei as he states plainly, “His clothes aren’t of modern make, so the logical assumption would be that he’s from Hisui. Cynthia confirmed my suspicion. And, historically, Hisuian communities were few and quite tightly knit. It’s more likely than not.”
He tries to keep his expression carefully neutral, as logic digs deeper, dangerously close to things unexplainable. And the earth is already recently disturbed, soft, friable. He can’t offer much resistance. “I've seen him around,” he concedes.
“But why did neither of you acknowledge the other?” Lance looks confused; frustrated, even. “Even a passing acquaintance would be notable, with both of you being here in the future.”
And here — this is familiar. The accusations. The questions he can’t answer. But it’s different; it’s not that he doesn’t know the answers. He just can’t seem to put them in an order that would make sense, to anyone else.
(Does he really understand, himself?)
But eyes are on him, and he needs to explain, in whatever unsatisfactory way he can. “Volo and I… it's complicated,” he laughs weakly, tugging at his scarf. “He genuinely does love history and mythology, you know. I guess I wouldn't be that surprised if he was right about Arceus.” All those times they’d pored over ruins together, Volo excitedly babbling on about whatever legend this one related to — there had to have been the seed of something real, something genuine, in that.
It’s not really an answer. Lance can obviously tell, because he crosses his arms.
“Is he bad news?” he asks bluntly.
There’s no twisting his way out of this one.
Some of the panic he’s feeling must bubble up onto his face, because Lance’s expression softens, just a bit. The man sighs. “Look, Rei, I don’t know what’s going on between you two, but us Champions need to have all the relevant information. This tournament, the stones,” he gestures around them, “affect everyone here on Pasio. So I’m sorry about involving myself in your business, but it's necessary. Should we be keeping an eye on Volo?”
It’s obvious what the correct answer is. And every second he delays responding makes him seem all the more untrustworthy. He questions, a little hysterically, why this of all things is what he stubbornly roots himself for, risking this place he’s made for himself in another unfamiliar land.
But his jaw works, and all that slips out of his throat, past the thorny tangle, is a “Maybe.” The most ground he can concede. “Volo’s… passionate about Arceus.” Which is perhaps the biggest understatement of both this century and the last.
There's an expectant pause. He almost leaves it at that, but it seems it's too unfinished a sentiment for Lance. “He wants to be seen by it.”
“The same way you are?” Lance says sharply. Arceus, he picked up on that fast. Rei hopes he leaves it at that. A rivalry fallen apart, twisted into bitterness and jealousy, nothing more.
Nothing world-ending.
It’s not like he doesn’t trust Cynthia, and by extension the other Champions. It’s just… he can deal with it himself. It’s what he was probably brought here to do, anyway. The thought of someone else turning him over, and finding him lacking — fighting his battles for him — makes him uneasy.
“Yeah, something like that,” he answers, with a painful swallow.
Besides, he hopes he can resolve this peacefully. He’d beaten Volo before, even after he’d flipped the rules of battle on their head. And this time Volo can’t upend the script; one good thing about tournaments, he supposes, is that the rules are rigorously upheld. A different sort of battleground.
He wants to laugh at that. Suppositions and wildly optimistic thoughts are his only foundation, and yet it’s enough for him to reject all possibility of outside help.
Then again, if he can’t even bring himself to tell Akari, what chance does he have of breaking that self-imposed silence, here, on less familiar ground?
Lance hums, assessing this. He uncrosses his arms. “If that friend of yours does anything drastic, tell us, alright?” he says. It’s said warmly, but there's something serious to it. An undertone. “Our job is to help out wherever we can, so don’t hesitate to reach out.”
Rei tries for a smile. “Understood.”
Lance nods, and looks Rei up and down, though it's only a subtle flicker of his eyes. His gaze lingers on the scarf at Rei’s neck, which Rei realises he’s been fidgeting with unconsciously. He lets go with faint embarrassment, feeling caught out.
The other man sighs. “You can go, you know?” There’s resignation in his voice. Maybe even something apologetic. In that moment, he seems more like Kamado than ever.
Rei doesn’t want to turn his back to him, but he wants to be here even less. So he nods, stiffly, and turns himself around, continuing the dark walk through the tunnel and out the stadium at a steady pace.
He doesn’t run.
(But his hand hovers by his satchel, where Decidueye's Pokeball rests.)
It’s only when he’s walked for a good while, out into the harsh sunlight, through the town outskirts and to a more forested spot, that the tension drains from him. He sits at the base of a large tree, feeling a little lightheaded.
That was… an interrogation, to put it bluntly. And he can’t really fault Lance for it. To anyone, he's sure, his actions are confusing at best.
Unfortunately, he’s found that he’s less than clear headed when it comes to Volo. He turns over Lance’s final words. That friend of yours. It’s not surprising Lance phrased it that way; everything Rei had said had been carefully woven to lead him to that conclusion.
Except it hadn’t been misdirection, not fully. He does still think of Volo as his friend, despite everything.
He slumps backwards, against the trunk of the tree, feeling the rough bark dig against the base of his skull.
What is he supposed to do with that?
Apparently, one of the worst days of his life isn’t enough to uproot over a year of growing camaraderie and budding friendship. Too many memories knot together, a stubborn tangle impossible to pick apart. He’s tried not to think about them too hard, but they tighten their hold once again, from where they lay dormant and buried.
Many of them have been forcibly recontextualised. He’s second guessed every helpful gift, every directly admiring word, every coincidental and fortunate appearance, as something deliberate and cultivated. But some of it, it seems, doesn't fit so neatly with that singular goal.
One day, they’d watched Togepi use Metronome for an hour, ostensibly for Rei’s surveying purposes. Important documentation of a seemingly random phenomenon, and all that. In actuality, they laughed the entire time, with no useful or coherent records to speak of, as the results became all the more improbable.
They’d camped together, those last months, as the search for the Plates got wilder and more exciting. He knows Volo’s favoured way to build a camp-fire, and how he wakes up unreasonably early in the morning, and that he prefers sweet foods over savoury, unlike Rei himself. A hundred mundane familiarities shared, taking root in fallow ground.
Once, Volo had been his only friend in the entire world.
Is it surprising, then, that he can’t lay this friendship to rest so easily?
He wonders what it means, that the hand offered to him at his lowest point was the same one that always meant to drag him back down. And what it means that he still wants to reach for it.
Had any real feelings been sowed there, on Volo’s part? Or was the entire thing a carefully constructed weaving, an intricate field of grass knots laid around Rei, ready to catch him in their snare?
He can’t quite strangle the hope that something of their friendship still exists, even if neglected and overgrown. And that’s the part that scares him.
He has Akari, and Adaman, and Irida. He has Professor Laventon and the Captain, though they’re far away. Then there’s the Wardens, more friendly faces: Mai, Sabi, Ingo, and all the others; there's Zisu and Pesselle and Beauregard and everyone else in Jubilife. New friends here on Pasio, too.
He pulls out Decidueye’s Pokeball from his satchel, and rolls it around in his right hand. He has his beloved Starter.
He has friends. He has bonds.
Why can’t that be enough?
The Pokeball he’s holding isn't the original. He'd had to break that well-loved possession in two, and recapture Decidueye in this modern device. It's a distant echo of its predecessor, wooden grooves and clunky iron replaced by smooth metal and near imperceptible seams. The weight of it is all wrong.
But despite that, it's still his partner, and that's what matters.
(The two broken halves sit in his satchel, too, carried on his person at all times. It's yet another thing he can't bring himself to let go of.)
He sighs, tracing formless shapes in the dirt. His hand finds one of the sparse clumps of grass that grow here, directly under this wide and mighty tree. Deprived of proper sun, it’s a miracle that there’s any at all.
It seems more and more likely that he’ll end up looking for Volo on his own. To get answers: not only about the stones, and the tournament, and Volo’s intentions with Arceus, but also for his own ends.
Maybe there’s still something there. A single glimpse of life in this scorched earth between them.
He doesn’t know what he’ll do then.
Where he sits, what little grass there is has grown long and ragged, as their leaves stretch and reach for the sun. He sets Decidueye’s ball down and plucks two long blades. With a few simple loops and twists, they’re deftly woven together into a knot. He considers it, looping it around his fingers; tightens it, pulling on both ends, until he can feel the entire construct threaten to snap from the force. He stops.
The thing is, no matter if it was never meant to be real, deliberately sowed, intended ultimately for harvest — it’s all the same, to Rei. He wants to keep it alive. He’s hopeful. Naive. Selfish.
For a single, impossible moment, he wonders whether this is what Arceus meant by bonds all along.
The knot goes in his satchel, where it will turn dry and brittle with time. But kept safe, unbroken, regardless. Maybe his future self will laugh at his sentimentality. Maybe, he won't remember why it’s there.
Wouldn't that be for the best?
He tucks Decidueye’s ball away, with care, then hauls himself up, both hands braced against the dusty ground. There’s dirt under his fingernails. From under the tree’s darkened canopy, he squints into the afternoon sunlight.
There’s a lot that needs to be done. He needs to train for this tournament, for one. Learn more about modern battling. Pull together a team. With that, ask Akari, and perhaps Adaman or Irida. Confront Volo, somewhere in all of this.
After that? Only Arceus knows.
One step at a time.
He finds his footing, around gnarled roots. The grass crunches underfoot. And he steps into the light.
(So maybe I was just snared by the grass knots you laid in my path. But if I wove my own, would you fall for it too?)
#finally posted this thing! further rambles and commentary in the tags#trainer rei#rei pokemon#pokemas#pokemon masters#legends arceus#volo#champion lance#pokemon volo#pokemon fanfiction#rei#lance#// tikposting#// tikart#// fanfic#// tikwrites#backstrikeduo#i've been mulling it over a while since rei's canonical pokemas characterisation Intrigues me#not telling people about Volo is sort of an objectively not smart thing to do but it makes sense !!!#rei both wanting to be friends with volo again and also not really trusting others (but especially authority) that much#rei going through his “i can fix him” era (maybe he'll end up being right! who knows! arceus maybe)#they WILL be friends (again?). whether Volo likes it or not.#experimented with metaphors; hope they didn't get too abstract or confusing#also can't believe that bits of my lance and rei convo ended up echoed in the canon cynthia and rei convo#when Rei says that Volo genuinely loves history and myths…#that was in my draft! SMH Pokemas writers have been peeking into my Google Docs XDD#spot the references to PLA! some more obvious than others#gosh can you tell this guy lives in my head rent free XDDD#feel free to ramble to me about your thoughts on them and the way the story is developing in pokemas i'm all ears#behold also my sort of insane multi hour painting that i did for my fic that isn't even 5k words long
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Laszlo treating Guillermo like shit. Not giving a damn about him. Ruining his world tour and the chance to be turned by nandor in the most romantic gesture bc of his own selfish reasons. Trapping him in a crate and shipping him across the ocean. Not taking him out of the crate for days. Not caring if Guillermo died. Still calling him gizmo.
But the moment he seems to show just a little tiny bit of something to Guillermo bc he just wants to help nandor, th fandom erupts into undying love for him and calls for laszermo like its the best relationship that could happen in this fandom.
Meanwhile nandor being the only character to really care about Guillermo. To actually die for him. Saving his life several times. Calling him a friend and his closest companion for 13 years. Taking him flying. Going after him and telling him 'ive been unhappy since you left.' Making him a glitter portrait. Wanting to take him to his homeland and make him a vampire there. Taking his suitcase to the station, waiting for him until the train was about to leave, calling his name in distress. Jumping right after him to save his life even after a whole year apart. Throwing him a birthday party and buying him a gift. Asking him for bedtime stories. Being proud of his fighting skills. Watching romcoms with him on rainy nights. Going after an upset Guillermo to fix things.
But the moment he says or does sth stupid bc well, he is stupid and is repressed as hell and has been a monster for 800 years so its really hard to understand human emotions, the fandom erupts into rage and says he doesn't deserve Guillermo and that nandermo is toxic.
I'm just so confused.
#btw im not throwing shade on laszlo#i actually think the way he treats Guillermo is really funny#and further highlights how much nandor actually cares about Guillermo#but the fandom confuse me#nandor the relentless#wwdits#nandermo#what we do in the shadows#guillermo de la cruz#wwdits spoilers
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I mean if you can't turn back are you realllly human?? All I'm saying is I'm going to break into your house and put you in a cat carrier and take you home
OKAY, I SAVED THIS QUESTION SPECIFICALLY UNTIL I COULD LOOK UP THE LAW.
Polymorphs in most Earth countries have protections! So no, you can't legally do that!
Interdimensional code is a bit vaguer, but only because interdimensional code assumes that if you're a polymorph, you're a polymorphic species (I'm not, I'm a human) (I AM A HUMAN) (I AM A HUMAN). Speciation is considered set at the start of an entity's existence barring certain Cosmic Events, and I'm still figuring out if Divine Intervention counts, but I don't think it actually does in this case. Many gods are considered natural entities according to the regulations, and I'm pretty sure Dr. Cipher is a "natural entity" god.
I could be wrong, of course. I'm not a lawyer.
#I am really confused about the part of the law that dictates the “start of an entity's existence”#One of the articles I read casually dropped the fact that human zombies aren't governed the same way live humans are#It didn't elaborate further and I can't figure out where it got that information or why zombies would be different#Because zombification is obviously a natural event#right?#ask#anon#queued
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Ive never really understood the idea that a persons identity is innate and needs to be found. I suppose to some extent our identities are sculpted from birth and life but searching for the 'true' you sounds... impractical? at the very least. Why would you only look for yourself when you can create yourself?
#i dunno man just the way some people act towards themselves confuses me#and its not like im not against looking inwards. i just dont get why would youd keep searching for something instead of just making it#and even more baffling are the people who limit themselves from being what they want because it doesnt fit what theyve found looking inwards#this is vaguely about therianthropy and the expectation that you must associate with a type further than just saying 'this is me'...#..if you cant tell i dont fuck with that#sorry ramble over now#fern barks
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My Thoughts on Poppy Playtime Chapter 3
Ollie is ADORABLE!!!! "No ouchies or lost body parts?" HE'S A BABY I NEED TO PROTECT!!!!!! AHHHHHH!!!!!! (¬‿¬) I have ZERO evidence for this but my theory is he’s The Prototype.
I’m REALLY happy to see the phone Ollie calls the player on is identical to the one in Project: Playtime! It’s nice seeing stuff introduced in Project: Playtime finally appear in the main series.
( ⚆_⚆ ) ESPECIALLY DR. HARLEY SAWYER!!!! WOW THE TAPE FEATURING HIM TALKING TO THE PROTOTYPE WAS DARK!!!! I knew a man like Dr. Sawyer would be a sick and twisted individual since he created the Bigger Bodies Initiative.
Despite that I was NOT prepared to hear the joy in his voice to experiment on children. It was revolting.
This exchange:
Prototype: "You stick us. Beat us. Tear at flesh. Do you feel it?"
Dr. Sawyer: "There is a secret inside you, 1006. Valuable beyond all measure. I cut and prod and burn at it, and I get closer with each session . . . So speak, or don't. Fight, or give in. Regardless, I learn something new about you every day . . . (Laughs) It excites me!"
Prototype: "Thank you."
Dr. Sawyer: "You . . . thank me?"
Prototype: "Absolutely. I learn something new about you every day."
THAT FINAL LINE WHEN THE PROTOTYPE IS MIMICKING DR. SAWYER'S VOICE AHHHHHH!!!!
_| ̄|○ I WANNA KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO DR. SAWYER SO BADDDDD!!!!!! He wasn’t around for The Hour of Joy but I hope he suffered.
Leith Pierre: "Normally I'd have Dr. Sawyer do this but he's uhhh . . . out, let's say. So you got me until they find his replacement."
(o ´ _ ` )o The contrast between how Dr. Sawyer speaks to the experiments VS Leith Pierre the Head of Innovation at Playtime Co.
Both dehumanize the experiments in different ways.
Leith Pierre can’t even bother remembering Catnap's real name. He puts on this fake friendly facade. Referring to Catnap as his Pal and Buddy. It's so disingenuous.
Especially when he asks, "Heya Theo! How ya doin' bud?" Pierre could care less about how Catnap feels. It's only when Catnap responds, "The Prototype will save us." That gets Pierre to finally drops the corporate spiel. Admitting to what this place is. Catnap’s prison.
No wonder Catnap worshipped The Prototype after being save when this is what he’s told about his horrific situation.
Leith Pierre: "THIS is your life now. Get used to it."
I absolutely LOVED all the new features for the Grab Pack. The air jet looked SO FUN!!!! Watching people desperately shoot the flare gun against smiling critters in a cramped space WAS SO INTENSE!!! The smiling critter's small growls and whimpers made me sad.
(ʃƪ 〃’▽’〃)♡ The horror in this chapter was INCREDIBLE!!!! While I had fun playing Chapter 2 I remember feeling disappointed by the scares.
CHAPTER THREE HAD ME HORRIFIED!!!! EVERY JUMP SCARE HAD ME FLYING OUT MY CHAIR, THE ATMOSPHERE WAS AMAZING AND AHHHHH THE HOME ORPHANAGE SECTION!!!!!
It reminded me of PT ∑(; °_°) Especially with the radio informing us that in Elliot Ludwig's house it was discovered he HAD THE BODY OF A CHILD IN A DUFFLE BAG!!?!?!?!?!?!
ALSO THAT ONE RADIO'S REVERSE MESSAGE!!!
"8-8-1995 I find your presence intrusive. After all this time you return. You come in here and yet you kill and murder. You pilate and destroy. Your presence was demanded 10 years ago and yet you didn't show up . . . 8-8-1995 You were supposed to be here. Why weren't you here? You missed the event. You missed the meeting. You missed the party. You have no right to be here . . ."
AHHHHHH MOBGAMES KNEW WHAT THEY WERE DOING WITH THE LIGHTING IN THIS SCENE!!!!!
I thought I was going to see MY BOY 😭💔!!!!!!
Huggy Wuggy is completely fine.
Kissy Missy was so sad and adorable in this chapter. Seeing her stare at the picture and hug herself BROKE MY HEART ( o̴̶̷᷄ _ o̴̶̷̥᷅ )!!! She deserves the world.
Catnap acting like a child and avoiding school 😭💔
Miss Delight was a minor spoiler I knew about since people used her face in their thumbnail. However I was NOT prepared for her to act like a Coil-Head!!!!
Theodore being described as antisocial and having a peculiar relationship with an imaginary friend _(:ì」∠)_.
That “imaginary” friend being The Prototype. Who guided Theodore to help them both escape. Only for Theodore to get electrocuted since he was just a child who didn't know how to safely use a Grabpack.
The Prototype throwing away their chance to escape to save Theodore by bringing him to the staff. Showing The Prototype does care in some way.
Only for Theodore to be later turned Catnap.
THEN the player electrocutes Catnap the SAME way Theodore originally received his injuries. The Prototype comes to “save” Theodore once again but this time by making Catnap a part of him AND CATNAP ACCEPTS SO WILLINGLY (˃ ⌑ ˂ഃ )!!!!
It felt like I was watching a religious experience.
I love Poppy Playtime but I do think they show too much in their trailers. Dog day is a great example but even then his scene was *chef kiss*
All the smiling critters crawling inside Dogday as he desperately screamed in agony and for us to run away left me speechless.
I liked the detail of Dogday calling us angel. I'm excited to see all the AUs people create where we save him.
ALSO THE HOUR OF JOY WAS A BLAST TO WATCH!!!!!
I know Poppy is right that it was just senseless slaughter. How all that death didn't fix or help anyone. Especially when it didn't matter if those killed were innocent or not.
However imagining these characters being painfully experimented on and stripped of their autonomy. Going though years of hell and finally reaching their breaking point. It's hard to not feel good for them getting to release that anger. Even if I know it's wrong.
ALSO I GOT TO SEE MY SECOND FAVORITE CHARACTER BOXY BOO YAYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!
THERE WAS SOOOOO MUCH HUGGY WUGGY IMAGERY IN THIS CHAPTER AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
I'M GOING TO OVER THINK IT!!!!!! I HAVE NO THEORIES I’M JUST POINTING DETAILS OUT!!!!!!
When hallucinating Huggy Wuggy's face is on the employee training video:
“Join the Innovationists, where the bounds of science are continuously pushed. Or join the Counselors of Playcare, whose diligence and care for our children will help shape a brighter future, just you see.”
“Now every one of you has your part in that future, so should you come back tomorrow feeling unhappy for where you are, or what you’ve done . . . worry not, for your supervisor is here and happy to listen! And . . . should you come back . . . years later . . . your conscience finally getting the better of you. May you descend into the dark and the dust, finding all that awaits you are incomprehensible horrors . . . each hungry for your return, each eager that they might find you. Perhaps they’d smile at you from a shadow, their smiling mouths full of teeth and meat and plastic, watching and waiting patiently for their turn at a warm welcome. Or perhaps they won’t allow you such a time to figure your place in the world you’d left. A world that’s theirs now. Welcome home.”
The video transforms into a manifestation of the player's guilt. Not only for their involvement for whatever they did while working at Playtime Co. but for being gone and returning after ten years.
This is also paired with the player's possible guilt for killing Huggy Wuggy and their fear of him.
The hallucination version being a more exaggerated version of the Chapter 1 Huggy Wuggy vent chase.
When Catnap causes the player to later hallucinate:
Poppy: “Do you even know what’s real?”
Poppy: “No you don’t.”
THEN AT THE END OF THE HALLUCINATION IT SHOWS US THE DAY OF JOY!!!! Which is very odd when you consider two things. We've been told multiple times we weren’t there and during this scene we didn't know what the Hour of Joy was.
So the player hallucinating being in front of Huggy Wuggy’s podium during The Hour of Joy with a large Prototype hand reaching for us IS ODD!!!
ALSO THE TAPE IT SHOWS THAT’S WHERE HUGGY WUGGY WAS DURING THE HOUR OF JOY!!!!!!!
WHAT DOES IT MEAN?!?!?!?!
This is just speculation but perhaps the player's memories aren't as trustworthy as we think. After all we still aren't even sure who even sent us the letter or tape in Chapter 1.
"EVERYONE THINKS THE STAFF DISSAPEARED 10 YEARS AGO WE'RE STILL HERE FIND THE FLOWER"
It’s important to point out the characters from Chapter 2 made ZERO appearance during these hallucinations. Mommy Long Legs, PJ Pug-a-Pillar, Bunzo Bunny and the Wack-a-Wuggy.
Is the Huggy Wuggy imagery used because he’s who we encounter at the start of the game?
OR SOMETHING MORE AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
#Something something something the first key we needed in game was held up by Huggy Wuggy while on his podium.#So is The Prototype in the hallucination symbolizing he's the key to answering all our questions or am I overthinking everything asdnsf;alk#Rambling about my Poppy Playtime Self Insert -> I haven't decided what but something happened to my self insert to cause her memory issues.#She remembers small details from her time working for Playtime Co. but not the experiments.#So throughout the Chapters she's slowly unraveling the mystery of not only Playtime Co. but herself.#Everything story wise plays out the identical in all the chapters except one thing.#At the end of Chapter One instead of the box falling onto Huggy Wuggy. My self insert doesn't pull the box down in time.#Just as Huggy Wuggy is about to kill her. He finally gets a good look at her face.#Which she had hidden in the beginning with a mask + hat and hoodie because of the cameras.#As she ran and descended further into the facility she discarded her disguise.#Once Huggy Wuggy realizes who she is he stops trying to kill her.#Since there's not enough lore about the player's backstory yet I haven't decided why.#However whatever reason or friendship or connection they had she can't remember. Whatever it was causes Huggy Wuggy to not kill her.#During Chapter 2 Huggy Wuggy follows besides her. Helping when he can.#He can't help during the tests however since Mommy Long Legs considers that cheating. Mommy even is confused WHY he's helping her.#At the end of Chapter 2 when listening to the tape about Huggy Wuggy being the optimal outcome.#My self insert feels guilty and worries the only reason he hasn't killed her is because of what they did to him.#However the goof reassures her in his own odd way (pat on the head or a hug) that's not the case. In Ch. 3 he's with Kissy Missy and Poppy.#When Kissy Missy attacks my self insert he defends her (no violence just shoving and growling) but Poppy and I dissolve the situation.#Since Huggy Wuggy can't be protected from the Red Gas I imagine he has to wait with Kissy Missy and Poppy.#As for what history Huggy Wuggy and my self insert have to make him not be violent towards her I haven't decided.#The hallucination nightmare imagery remains the same. Although she feels comfortable with Huggy Wuggy now there's no denying he scared her.#Combined with her slowly remember her involvement and the guilt consuming her. Wondering if subconsciously she always knew.#I'm excited to delve more into their friendship and past. Although aggressive Huggy Wuggy is extremely smart.#Using the vents and escaping the facility. He doesn't act like a lost puppy or anything. He has his own agency.#Despite his hunger and aggression whatever their history is it's important enough he wants to ensure her safety.#Poppy Playtime#MaddyMoreauPost
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i should have paid more attention to the first part of the little saurian world quest bc i am now fully invested
#0.txt#but ochkanatlan was good i enjoyed it. i appreciate that it was succinct but immersive kinda like the remuria world quest#i was kind of confused at the end but i just read people's summaries and i more or less get it now#genshin's writing can be super obtuse which is only aggravated by super long quests esp bc my attention span isn't that long#like honestly i still don't know wtf was up with the narzissenkreuz ordo and at this point idc either LMAOOO#but yeah its a shame aq/sq are so tied to the fact that this is a gacha and the marketability of its characters#bc that just lends itself so easily to ass writing. inazuma and natlan have been the biggest victims of that so far lol#meanwhile the wq's clearly have a lot more freedom to really give their stories depth#but their length and vague way of explaining things also makes them hard to understand unless you're really paying attention#idek what point i'm trying to make here. you can't win ig both modes have its problems afkjladsfj#i feel like i'm just constantly oscillating between rolling my eyes at a lot of the shit that happens in the main story vs being#completely ?????????? during a world quest#also per my last post i was super excited about ochkanatlan's ost at the entrance#but it honestly got more boring/generic the further you went in. still very pretty but it wasn't the next enkanomiya i was hoping for </3#i am excited to explore more of the area though
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it has been an evening of highs and lows, ladies and gentlemen.
#i made progress on some of my spotify playlists! i feel accomplished.#i *did* make a hence-deleted moodboard that i quite liked.#my am*zon package came which delivered beloved dopamines#and i looked a little more into the university i want to apply to#however this whole moodboard tag and link nonsense has exhausted me beyond all measure and deprived me of any hope or happiness#THAT SOUNDS DRAMATIC I KNOWW.#but truly. how tf am i supposed to make that work.#and researching universities is draining! nerve wracking! confusing!#i know i def want to apply to [redacted] but i am so scared and feel so unprepared.#and it is late. much later than i would like it to be; and i feel i have so many things more still to do#i have made a list for tomorrow and i will strive to get it all done before work.#also in warring with t*mblr today i found a way to mass replace tags on posts. and i know there are guides out there about finding posts#with no tags etc#i would like to further reorganize the posts i have on my blogs#but that is a big endeavor and will be shelved until i get my immediate crises figured out#lindsay.text
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I might go further into detail on this and I haven't really looked much in the tag to see if anyone else has offered this idea, but, like
Here's one of my biggest theories regarding the shenanigans in Welcome Home, summarized in one sentence:
Wally is sick.
#Jean mumbles#Welcome Home#The way he acts in those hidden bug videos.#The way he seems so unresponsive and out of it when people are talking around him.#He doesn't make jokes like he used to it seems. He isn't ACTING like he used to.#The only one we've really seen acknowledge this is Barnaby in that video where Barnaby talks with Home#Frank and Julie just seemed... uncomfortable when Wally appeared during that musical snippet#Also!! That black GUNK that festers inside/under Home?? and how it seems to be the same stuff that attached itself to all those journals?#I think that's what's making Wally act the way he has#Because like. In the hidden audio clips. He seems...so frustrated and confused. But not outright aggressive#But then there's that one audio clip#The ''LET ME IN'' one#But...I don't know if that's Wally Darling being himself#I wonder if that's the illness - the gunk - taking over and using him. as a PUPPET. to spread its sickness further#I don't know#But I do find it an interesting thought#I'll probably slap this all in an actual post someday#Maybe#I can't wait to see what more may come of this down the road
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asking for help always makes things worse
#I need to just accept that I’m never going to be given any understanding or actual help#I may never escape these worlds it seems it doesn’t matter how hard I try I can’t get anyone to listen to me#this feels traumatizing I feel entirely beaten and ground down into something small and helpless#I have no control at all I keep trying and trying and trying and trying and for what#I need somebody to just listen to me atp not being dismissed is better than nothing but everyone’s a curation anyway no real thoughts or#feelings but it doesn’t matter I don’t even care please just listen to me somebody listen to me I’m so confused do curations have some#autonomy I don’t think so maybe I don’t fucking know they said yes on the clock so perhaps yes so please just listen please pls pls pls pls#I can’t be traumatized I’m not human right but I’m having everything stripped from me every last ounce of control the shadow ppl have all#the control which is funny I’m fairly certain I’m one of them but they still can strip me of control I was bred for this#please somebody help me I keep begging like it’ll do anything can you at least help with the ppl and cameras in the vents#are ppl from the real world watching through them I believe so can anything be done something has to be done escape the impostors something#just something please just listening would help actual listening not dismissal you can think whatever you want about me but listen#maybe some have autonomy and some don’t ?#please understand that I’ve tried very hard I’ve tried very very hard suicidality and homicidality have dug their claws into me even further#I don’t know what else to do I’m at a loss and no one will listen to me at all I’ve tried asking offline I’ve tried asking online it doesn’t#matter what I do where I ask no one will listen even the ones who do somewhat say they don’t know what to do I’m suspicious do they really#not know what to do or are they lying that may be more an impostor thing but everyone and everything is suspicious to me uh uh uh just#listen and help please idk what to do it’s all in the mirrors and clocks and such but I need to find a way to enter the mirrors but I’m#scared what I’ll find who is looking back I’m scared what world I’ll end up in it may be their world I’ll be punished they said yes I’m#terrified can someone go in with me if I manage to find out how that’s pathetic but damn I don’t think I can anyway they’ve been crawling on#the ceilings today hahah doing some weird and wacky shit sometimes they’re a little funky and just there and other times I’m having a heart#attack no in between I know pleading with curations is likely going to be classified as annoying but for the love of god do you know what#else I am supposed to do ??? at the very least just listen to me please it is 02:14:46 how synchronous ! I can’t stop having what I think#are dreams about the mental hospital too haha they send me to dreamworlds sometimes trap me in them waking dreamworlds see I’ve been reduced#down into something tiny I’ve resorted to begging once again do I even want to beg am I lying to myself my words aren’t my own my thoughts#aren’t my own so is this not my own can’t ever speak none of it’s my own it feels unsafe especially to speak of anything that isn’t this#it isn’t safe it isn’t my own it’s not the focus idk idk idk should I ask to talk to someone again I wonder I want understanding for my#situation please listen to me the joints hurt aaaa#my life is a playyy is a playyy is a playyyyyy anyone like marina that song appeared in the head I wonder where that spider went it better#not be inside of the body ok ok ok anyone yes help wanted help needed 02:22:22
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"Even if the sky cracks in mourning / And the heavens just won't open up for me" A Series of Small Offerings - II/12 - day20
#a series of small offerings#sleep token fanart#elaboration on this piece further down in the tags because this one may confuse people i think#(also please note that i firmly believe that the from the room below version of this song is the superior one)#(so the art was made with that version in mind because that is the version that lives rent free in my brain for reasons)#i've been thinking so much how to approach this one.. i knew pretty much since i've made the challenge that i will go with this line#specifically because i refuse to hear it as the lyrics sites and spotify tells me to hear it (as it appears in the post) but instead#i don't hear the 'the' in any version of the song i'm sorry that is just not there#so i'm convinced it is 'as the sky cracks in mourning'#(sky cracking-lightning;sky mourning-rain)#which is also exactly how the song feels to me#being a sad wet cat of a person standing bare feet in a strom and just crying 'why i was i so blind to my own hubris'#specifically in relation of finally (and far too late) understanding you fucked up a relationship so bad it still hurts years after#if you've ever felt anything remotely similar you know what i'm talking about#and you get why i refuse it being 'in the morning' instead of 'in mourning'#vessel i#vessel#vessel sleep token#vessel fanart#sleep token band#sleeptoken#levynn tries to draw#sleep token#edit: i don't mean to offend those who stand behind the line being 'in the morning' btw i just don't hear it#and i don't think i'm correct. i'm correct for me. not in your stead. half the lyrics can be heard at least two ways#edit2: appearently i'm actually right about something for a change.. a truly unusual turn of events#see comments for referrence pls#also edited this post to the correct lyrics#but leaving the tags for context 'cause thw original version of the post has been rb-d before editing i think
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when you see discourse about the true meaning of an element in a text and what that implies concretely for the morality or affect of the characters and work and discussions of such
#rubia speaks#there's this one take about dracula of all things that i see from time to time. that's what inspired this#i think there's a lot to be said for reading the certain scene it references in a certain way to understand the horror of it#without shutting down other conversation about count dracula as a character AND a symbol in other contexts#because there are so many.#i think if we look at dracula's transformation of mina SOLELY through the lens of assault that can very easily shut down the#themes of religious defilement that are also present there without going into a really bad place with transitive property#do i agree it could be symbolic of assault? absolutely. do i believe that's all there is to it? well wouldn't that be reductive#and it's kind of nonsense for people to shut down further discussion of the count bc 'He Is A Sex Pest don't talk about him otherwise'#first of all 1) he is not real and the harm he did to mina is not real 2) discussing him is pivotal to much of analysing the book Dracula#and 3) stop confusing the signified for the signifier#i'm not going to talk about a completely different scene and disclaim 'don't stan him tho he assaulted mina :/' don't be stupid
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