#but truly. how tf am i supposed to make that work.

[permanentreverie]

it has been an evening of highs and lows, ladies and gentlemen.

[phagodyke]

for such a supposedly major fan of the national I sure mishear a lot of their lyrics 💀

[occamstfs]

Chauffeur Swap

Another epistolary TF ! Cocky office worker to an equally cocky gym bro, trait swap + IQ Drain aplenty -Occam

Monday May 6th

Morning 

I’m beyond thrilled that I’m finally being looked at for a promotion. I’ve worked my ass off for this company ever since I graduated and I am not going to let this chance slip through my fingers. It’s such a good gig, in the week leading up to them filling the position they’re letting us use the company’s chauffeurs as just one little hint of the luxury this promotion will afford us.

At least, that’s what I thought before my driver arrived to pick me up and I saw what a slob of a man my driver was! I mean my word! I thought it was a prank or something else untoward! I’m sure he could tell too, I could not muster even a shy smile, nothing to do but grimace. God and that was before I got in! He must have just been an Uber hired or something because it smelled like a locker room in there! Truly vile!

God willing this is a one off occurrence, hate to get the oaf in trouble. Though judging by the state of his hygiene though he clearly needs to be taught a lesson somehow! I mean even with this job I couldn't afford to buy cologne enough to hide that stink- perhaps some dog-strength febreze- Ha!

Evening

Godddd fuck! The last thing I needed after such a stressful day was to be greeted by that animal’s face- worse yet, his SCENT! I underestimated just how grueling this interview charade would be. It is just one final hurdle to the big leagues though. I will leave petty contrivances like suffering through this unpleasant car ride behind.

Just to make the time pass with greater speed I put forth some small talk. Not like I could hold my breath near long enough to make a difference, and it couldn’t hurt to vent about what a hassle the day had been hm? After this though he started talking about himself and fwoh- could I not care less about whatever surely protein-fart based drivel or beer-brained diatribe he launched into. 

Perhaps this is unfair, I did not deign to listen to him. So perhaps he’s better than he seems. But who could blame me, sitting in that car was punishment enough to earn me tuning him out. And! And! For him to have the benefit of the doubt surely he could at least wear deodorant! Hm. Unless he is trying? God that would be depressing, to be so, ugh- I continue to hold out hope I never see him again

Tuesday May 7th

Morning

Mm, I simply must develop a better poker face if I am to continue to suffer in this odor for the week, god forbid even longer- I have prepared accordingly however, yesterday no one mentioned it at work but I swear I kept smelling it, him, all day? Same when I got home, just everytime I calmed down from work bam! I smelled this horrid car ride. I am bringing my cologne to work with me, I plan to put it at lest once more when I arrive at work.

It’s just, Why is this my problem right! I don’t know what his problem is, but I don’t see why I have to suffer because of it right? I should not have to deal with someone like this, he’s supposed to be working for me. I uh, it’s not like I think I’m better than him I just, well I am better than him. Hm, I lost my train of thought. 

Ugh, I keep spacing out today- I’m sure it has to do with my twice-daily rides with, hm. I don’t even know his name. It’s? You know I don’t care. I just need to take it easy, I’m not letting this fucking dude-bro pitstain of a man bother me this much! I’m getting my bag and he is not worth a second further of my, uh, attention.

Evening

I have a headache and I don’t know how it is his fault but it has to be. This whole thing is setting me on edge, I need to chill about Ben. That’s right Ben! I got his name, I actually told him about my headache and he told me that he usually meditates to clear his mind- which crazy that someone so, despite all appearances, mindful treats his body like a sty but- Well not a sty I suppose, or at the very least a well built one- 

Ah, that’s not quite appropriate is it. God he is hot though. Honestly sitting there just breathing in his, uh, scent, helped with the headache. Wait no, it was the meditation, God, why can I not stop thinking of his fucking B.o. My headache was gone but now I feel I’m beginning to run a fever, or at the very least I need to turn down the AC or something-

Better not affect my work tomorrow.

Wednesday May 8th

Morning 

Not gonna be a good one. I fucking woke up late which ive literally never done before! I barely got myself up and ready in time and didn’t realize until the car but I didn’t bring my cologne with me. It turned out to be the least of my problems however as when I got in his car I fully spilled my coffee all over the backseat. Hopefully this will mask his putridity because I now have to sit in the front with him for the ride.

He must know. He has to know it has to be some kinda sick, uh, fetish or something. Its untendable untenable. god get your shit together Jacob. Its so hard to focus on anything else now that Im sitting right by him. I need to talk to someone about this, fuck its like hes exposing his pits on purpose. He wants me to stare at him, i bet. Bet he gets some sort of sick rise out of me. Im sure him and all the other chauffeurs probably get together and jack off about how repulsive and, uh, strong they all are.

God Fuck! Get me out of this car im losing my mind! Need to, ill just get some work done on the commute, should help i think. God its getting hot in here again or something, so help me if this fucker starts actively sweating im gonna lose it

Evening

i just couldnt get anything done today i dont know what was fucking up dude? it was just so hot in there and i mustve forgotten to put deodorant on this morning, people kept complaining but i didnt even notice? i guess i was sweating more than usual, but like, it was so hot in that office and my clothes felt weird, tight almost. As if tho, lol im sure no one even really noticed that i was off.

OH speaking of, Ben really put himself together on the ride home today. He was wearing a button up and everything, must have seen how nice im living and got his shit together! Maybe ive been to hard on the douche? nah car still smelled like shit haha! Or i think it did? didnt really notice it until like halfway thru?

Fuck my clothes are so tight all of a sudden, godd its so hot actually. I look fucking huge in this tiny little monkey suit- almost like Benjamin ha- as if id stoop so low, even if i started getting massive not like id be dum enough to be on his level lol

Thursday May 9th

Morning

Fuckin couldnt find ANYTHING this morning dude! it was like someone came in and took or hid everything i need for work today. ended up having to just fuckin leave for the car without a suit jacket- pretty sure ive got an extra in my office tho so were chill there. mm probably shouldve shaved tho lol

Oh yeah the files! i had some reports that i needed to bring in but totally couldnt find them! Turns out benjamin had them the whole time it was weird, guess i left them last night. but he was like such an ass about it, like he knows anything though the uh, jock, jerk uh. hes actually dressed better than me rn isnt he. Finally threw on a dress shirt, surely inspired by me haha- pulling it off quite well too, his chest hair peaking up through mm-

Fuckkk dude my cocks kinda getting hard looking at him, starting to smell musty in the car too, wait oh shit i didnt even notice that it didnt reek when i got in! weird that its starting to stink now tho whats up with that, looks like hes finally noticing tho ha! its nice to see him finally react to how bad my uh, no how I GOD, how bad fuckin’ he stinks obviously. whatever, ive got more important stuff to think about.

Evening 

okay work was like, not fuckin chill today. idk what was up but like, every little thing i did today just wasnt good enough apparently like okay?? you know me, if something seems off clearly, fucking OBVIOUSLY it uh, i? god my head just keeps going blank i dont get it, im just. Huh, kinda smells like Ben all of a sudden, oh fuck lol my pits have completely sweat through my shirt-

None of this matters anyway though bro! Because i just had the BEST sesh with Ben after work!! honestly the work shit doesnt even bother me, shouldve seen me its like i am a natural at this shit i was getting a pump like ive done it a hundred times. im sure it smelled like a locker room on the ride home lol

OH! I didnt even say, it was all ben’s idea!!! he said the gym always helps him when uh, things get too hard to think about and fuckk bro hes so right. hes so, lol i almost said hes so smart- he definitely knows how to work out though, he kept helping me with my technique but im prety sure he just wanted an excuse to touch me- 

not that im complaining LMAO- every time he did it was like i felt myself getting stronger, and less worried about all those yes-man suit fuckers! hed adjust my arms and i would feel my biceps just suddenly pump larger, hed bump his hands into my pecs while spotting me and theyd just force the bar up even faster, wish hed just go ahead and grab my cock lol

theres time yet too- gonna crash at his place tonight! hopefully ill get to see him put his magic fingers and tight body to use cause fuck bro idk if it was the pump or what but i dont think my balls have ever been this blue, like any time i try to think about, oh ughh, work i just. mm everything in my body just begs me to fucking blow a load- 

Friday May 10th

Morning

fucker just went to bed early- got me all riled up and then i had to jack off alone. felt way better than usual tho, my cock seems bigger to lol, dk whats up with that. wanted to try again this morning but ben was just on my fucking ass trying to get me out the door 

i didnt have any of my clothes, duh, so i just threw on some of his, crazy how much they fit me? they even kinda already smell like me lol. he actually put a suit on which seems wild, funny that i look like a slob and he looks like some uh, fancy guy. Like i should right? uhh is my headache coming back? lol idk but looking at him in that fucking suit sure is making it hard to focus-

ben said i can just change n stuff when we got to the office, its why hes dressed up. ill go ahead and drive us and then hell just run up and get my clothes, idk if theyll fit tho? feel like im larger than i was for some reason- oh yeah my massive fucking pump lol- 

mh speaking of pump, maybe while hes up there ill have time to jack another one out, not like anyonell see or care ya? like its a problem im about to be the fuckin alpha of this company or uh, something. itll be done before hes back, only evidence will be cum stains on his clothes lol. ugh it smells so fucking dank in here i might just cum without touching it lol

Evening

shit man, dont know what i was doing? i feel like i was supposed to go into work today but ben says from now on im just his driver. which easy gig right lol? doesnt even care that i dont shower huhuh-

he got his big promotion today!!! he looked so smug and hot when he came down to tell me, and he promised wed have some fun about it when he got home tonight- just gotta drop him off at some stupid fancy dinner ill probably hit the gym while hes there. gotta keep it up or ill look like some fucking dweeb

plus that means ill get the car totaly filled with my bo- hell fuckin love that, after he gets a good whiff no way wil he not want to fuck then and there huhuh fuck, kinda needs to get that exercise in now that hes doing whatever bitchass shit they do all they day up there needs to give in and just fuck me finally its been so, ugh long and my balls feel so full, and im sweating so much god im fogging up the windows loli better be careful i need to keep it together until then urgh- 

god i just smell so fucken hot

[thegamingcatmom]

BIRB MAMA LET´S GO 🐦‍⬛

(I can´t get over how adorable/goofy she looks here. How am I supposed to fear any of that?)

If Mother Miranda were to take an interest in you outside the whole vessel thing, it would include:

(Yall know the drill by now: Don´t like my dark and twisted stuff, don´t read my dark and twisted stuff. 🖤)

having to listen to her ranting and gossiping about her "children"

sometimes, it´s straight up just death threats

she´s scary when she gets like that

especially because she tends to breathe down your neck to calm herself (your scent is quite helpful)

having to listen to her feverish prayers when it comes to Eva

Eva is a big topic in general

helping her in her lab

which basically means cleaning up her mess (and she is rather messy, it has to be said)

we´re talking mountains of papers as well as mountains of bodies

ofc she´s gonna make sure to snuff out every last bit of life before she lets you near her failed experiments

she won´t take any risks when it comes to you

as for the papers-

...it´s a mess

and it´s very scary (and very unfair) when she gets all hissy and murderous over you trying to do your "job" and clean up her mess just because, out of the millions of papers, there´s one that she still needs

"How dare you throw that away?!"

"Well, how tf am I supposed to know?!"

...you think to yourself because there´s no way you´re gonna say that to her face (you quite like breathing, tyvm)

Eva

whenever she has one of her downright terrifying smash-things-against-the-wall "tantrums" (as you like to call them not to her face) she gets all purry and touchy-feely after

probs her way of apologizing (cause there ain´t no way she´s gonna use them words)

you hate that it´s working

despite being a mass murderer/mold monster smt who doesn´t require eating or using any stuff that humans usually would (like toilets), she does appreciate you cooking and cleaning for her

things she tasked you with ofc

she quite...enjoys the sight

(smt about that domestic view just...does things to her)

(you force-wearing an apron drives her wild)

Eva

preening

she does have feathers, after all

and those need lots of TLC 💋

makes you clean her mask too

or her hand chains

anything, really

in return, you may wear it

(honestly? totally worth it)

we won´t talk about the fact she´s doing it more for herself (just like pretty much everything else) because seeing you wearing what is hers just...yknow?

but also to demonstrate to you just how good it feels to be bad

"Hm... What do you think, little bird? Do you like it? I certainly do..."

Eva

forces you to attend meetings with her so she can show you off

and also because it almost always gives her a reason to rip into her "children" because that bunch just doesn´t know how to behave around you

especially the tall one who keeps throwing you looks that make it seem like she wants nothing more than for you to drop dead

you kinda share that sentiment

anywhere would be better than here

...she´s scary

something Miranda takes note of as well

one look is all that is needed to put the tall one in her place

in moments like this, you truly appreciate your roommate´s/abductor´s murderous side

when you´ve been especially good for a (long) while (no escape attempts, no talking back, no disobeying her whatsoever) she indulges your childish urges to see her transform into different animals

she will deny any and all accusations of smiling at that, down to her very last breath

(she could be persuaded though...)

Eva

one day, you´ll probs have to go from cleaning that mess to making it

which means actively helping MM with her experiments

cutting someone open etc.

there´s no way out of it, let´s be honest

it´s her livelihood, ofc she wants to share that with you

(isn´t she just precious?)

spying on the villagers for her

(she will find out when you´ve been lying, so don´t even think about it)

Eva

(This actually got way less dark and twisted than I anticipated. Gotta work on that, LMAO.)

Basically, my HC for Miranda includes her getting an absolute kick out of anything family/domestic life. She goes absolutely nuts when it comes to her daughter, so I imagine this would count for an s/o as well. She gets obsessed to the point of no return, and she´ll fight tooth and nail to keep them with her always.

I could go on, and on, and on, and on, and-

But, alas, it is rather late and, unlike some mold monster smt, I do need my sleep. ;3

I might do more posts like that cause I have thoughts. 😩🤌

CYA THERE! 🫶

[diagonal-queen]

Your blog is very safe, me thinks. Very comfort, if that makes sense lol. I have a request, feel free to ignore this but I can't help but to wonder what a few BSD men would be like with a very mature/maternal and responsible s/o who tends to put themsleves last and burn themselves out (preferably fem, as I am an older sister who has taken on the role of caregiver and project HEAVILY) I'd like to see Fyodor, Poe, Ranpo and Jouno. (You can throw in anyone else if you want)

BSD boys with a self-sacrificing girlfriend

♡ pairing: Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Edgar Allan Poe, Ranpo Edogawa, Saigiku Jouno x fem!Reader

♡ synopsis: How are they with a caring and self-sacrificing girlfriend?

♡ cw: Swearing, use of fem titles, she/her pronouns, mentions of stress and burnout.

note: Thank you for the sweet message anon <3 it's truly a shame that you and i are the exact same person who have experienced the exact same burden of raising children we didn't choose to have. but i've moved out now so i'm free!! come live with me queen tf we're besties now. apologies for errors and I hope you enjoy x

Fyodor:

Fyodor is a trad man. I'm sure he has some weird beliefs about how women are supposed to have some normalised feminine traits, but this is too much even for him.

It really pains him to see you be so selfless, truly. Though he admires your kindness and patience, he just wants you to be content. He wants you to be comfortable.

Does he enjoy having what is basically a personal maid around? Yes, yes he does. Does he feel guilty for feeling that? No. But does he recognise that your current self-sacrificing routine is unhealthy? YES HE DOES.

So...he simply does not make you do anything at all. If you want to do something for him that's on you.

If you want to do something for someone *else*, he probably won't really let you. Unless it's like family or something, then he understands, but no, you're not helping that random child get their kite unstuck from that tree no matter how much you want to, myshka.

Fyodor absolutely doesn't involve you in his work. He knows that'll only stress you out more, and that's the last thing you need. As such he keeps you away from his coworkers (especially Mykola. Sorry Mykola lovers)

He comes to value his time spent relaxing with you, because he also acknowledges that he could use a break every now and then as well. There's nothing quite as comforting to him as lounging around alongside you- you don't have to be talking or even doing the same thing, as long as you're there together.

Listen, Fyodor does care about you, and he values your health and wants you to be relaxed and uncaring as much as is possible. But if you, his sweet woman, wants to make him a cup of tea, who is he to turn you down?

Poe:

I don't know exactly how to explain Poe here. Just hear me out

He is genuinely so like stressed and anguished about your lack of self-preservation in favour of caring about others. He constantly thinks about it and writes tragic poems about it and shit

Like he's like 'my love......she does not see herself as i do, as a beautiful star....with every act of kindness her light dims ever so slightly...until she's reduced to nothing.........the irony of the good deeds of man..............;-;'

HE'S SO SAD OKAY HE LOVES YOU SO MUCH AND WANTS TO SEE YOU RELAX FOR ONCE

He will go all out in his attempts to make you feel calm and comfortable and happy. Oh he will buy you SO many presents it's disgusting. He will rent out whole restaurants and like even theme parks and shit if that's your thing. He'll stop at no lengths to give you some respite, and it's honestly quite sweet

All that being said, he does love that you're so attentive and caring about Karl. He's definitely watched you play with him and then started blushing super hard because the word 'parents' suddenly crossed his mind and now he's thinking about children and aaaaaa

ABSOLUTELY writes a scenario in which you can relax. Whatever you want- an empty beach, a forest, a liminal space, he'll write it all for you, and gift you the book so you can go there whenever you want :>

He's basically a sugar daddy, except you're in an actual relationship and it's not all about the money. Your boyfriend just happens to be loaded as fuck

At the end of the day, Poe is such a hypocrite because he himself is such a workaholic that he practically lets it consume him, too!

You're both absolute messes. Drink some water and sleep for god's sake. And for the love of all things good take care of each other.

Ranpo:

Bro knows exactly what's up. Sorry, he's got you all figured out fr

That doesn't mean he won't let you baby him though. At first. He'll just let you, along with everyone else, clean up after him and buy him shit

BUT soon, soon he realises that this behaviour is rather detrimental to your health. He sees the circles under your eyes, he notices these things. And he's like '...oh shit'

Ranpo doesn't have any shame or reservations. He straight up confronts you about it. 'Why don't you ever take care of yourself?' And he's not playing around this time

And no matter what your excuse is, he's like 'not good enough. We're going to get ice cream RIGHT NOW and you're going to talk to me about this. Now lead me to the ice cream parlour immediately'

(I may or may not be paraphrasing this particular quote)

The point is that he presents you an avenue to open up about your struggles, stress and psyche. And he really does want to help- the fact that he gets ice cream out of this is just a bonus

From here on out he'll keep an eye out for you. Every time you find yourself getting overworked or burning out he'll make you take a break. This could be a nap or sending you home or a surprise outing- anything to get your mind off work and people.

Ranpo is a stickler for the rules, sure, but he's also lazy as shit. Any time he doesn't feel like working, you're now not allowed to work either. You have to hang out with him or else (he'll be a little sad)

He doesn't necessarily introduce any...permanent solutions to your predicament, but he does have you looking forward to your couples-down time each day, and that's something!

Over time, you do learn to balance yourself and external responsibilities. And he will absolutely be taking credit for it lmao

Jouno:

Jouno is very...self-important, we'll say. Not like, completely selfish or anything, but very much tends to prioritise his own opinions and time and such.

You make him do a complete reassessment and breakdown of all of his thoughts and beliefs he's built up over the course of his lifetime

/j but really, you're unbelievably different from him. You're both willing to put yourself in danger or wear yourselves down, but *you* don't have anatomical medical adjustments that practically make you invincible.

Jouno wants to protect you- and he's not willing to negotiate. He's not letting anyone hurt you, even if on accident. He's especially not willing to let anybody take advantage of your generous nature, which is probably more likely anyway.

He's such a scary dog actually (lol get it?? get it cause he's one of the Hunting Dogs? DO YOU GET IT-) he'll accompany you anywhere if you ask him to.

When he wants to do something for you, he will do it. You're not lifting a finger miss girl

Like he really will take care of you! When he's off work, of course. His job is kind of important, but you best believe you're getting pampered when Jouno is off the clock.

My mans is romantic as FUCK: cooking you nice dinners, reading to you before bed, massages, cuddles- as well as engaging in your interests alongside you of course

He just thinks it's so cute to see you engrossed in something that YOU enjoy, and will encourage your down time

Jouno is gonna make sure that you take care of yourself too, because when he's not around, who better to look after anybody than you? That's the most important thing to him.

taglist~ ♡ @gettinshiggywithit, @fyodorhatr, @flower-of-darkness, @bejeweledgirl, @kokoenjiandco, @pinkiipeachiikeen

[boxofbonesfic]

"why am i even bothering to write and post anything at all?"

"ngl that makes me not want to post anymore lmfao"

Because you have people reading???? Like tf? I'm not trying to be rude, but while you are lamenting over racist people not reading your work (as are other writers that I follow) don't forget about the people who do engage, read, comment, send ask, gently requesting updates to stories because writers get pissed off if updates are demanded, and champion your writing. Some of us actively searched for black writers and stories.

I understand wanting a lot of engagements, I do, but I'm starting to feel shafted as a reader who is doing all the things these writers ask for and yet read these posts in which the writers threatened to quit writing fics because there's only 100 notes. Have you looked through the notes? Do you not see familiar usernames over and over again? So it's not many of us, and that is truly unfortunate, but the group is loyal. Stray words and so many others have already left.

Just like you're feeling unappreciated as a writer, I'm feeling unappreciated as a reader because yall (poc writers) essentially tell me there is nothing more that I can do to make you feel wanted enough to stay.

I'm sorry you feel like this, but the reality is that we're black. Whether in real life or digital, this is how the world treats us. We will have to work harder for less. It shouldn't be like this, but life aint been fair to us for centuries now. I do what you ask, so I ask that you focus on the small group of us that follow your writing through.

…i’m sorry that people sending me racist asks effects me? i’m human, too? i’m a person too? like i’m not made of stone, people being cruel to me does hurt me, it does leave lasting effects on my mental health? i didn’t threaten to quit writing, i talked about how that ask, combined with my ever decreasing engagement made me feel.

of course i look through my notes. conversely, do you see me responding to comments? asks? i’ve posted several times now about trying to commit to a more regular update schedule, about finishing my outstanding work. have you not seen any of that? i’m not leaving, but am i not allowed to speak on my experience? i’ve been back a week, and i’m already getting racist anons.

chastising me for being human and feeling a way when people are cruel to me is not how you get consistent updates, nor is it how you encourage me to stick it out. just because that’s the reality doesn’t make it right, and it doesn’t make it easier as a black content creator. i’m trying to be here, to update consistently, to be the change i want to see, but it is fucking hard, it is painful, and i’m sorry that you don’t like hearing that. feel free to follow my library blog to avoid it, i only reblog updates and new work there.

we have a saying in Jamaica: “pressure bust pipe”. i’m sorry black authors have been dropping like flies, but we are people. how much are we supposed to take without saying anything? i really don’t know what else to say other than that i’m trying.

sorry.

[littledollll]

Hellooooo, before I request anything I just wanted to let you know that your stories are super duper comforting. I get so excited when I see that you've posted, and I especially love re-reading your works when I'm feeling sick, or little or sad or you know...✨️other things✨️

I was reading up on Lucifer (The Sandman's) Wiki page, but the comic version, and I read that Lucifer can choose a soul's destination, and they killed someone by their own will, so that they'd be free from (I think) a demon's service.

Soooo I was wondering if I could request Lucifer x fem reader? They're in love but reader is a mortal, so they beg Luci to kill them so that 1) they can be free from this shitty world but also 2) so that they can be together.

And maybe Luci has to think of the nicest way they can kill their lover? Lots of comfort and angst please hehe. Also I hope this makes sense <333

-🧸 anon

Our forever

Lucifer x human!reader

a/n: random 2am writing motivation I’ve gotten 3 fics DONE ima see what else I can do until I knock tf out☝️

Warning: talk about death, like so much of it, like it’s basically the whole fic. Slight arguing but it’s bc they love eachother awww

✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪

“What?” The look on Lucifer’s face was of disbelief, truly they looked at you as if you were insane to even bring up the idea.

“There’s only so much time you can spend in the waking, and I have nothing here Lucifer. No reason to stay. So- kill me, we found a way to be together forever. You wouldn’t have to leave your realm constantly, I wouldn’t miss you so much, we could have so much time.”

Still, Lucifer looked anything but convinced.

“I’m gonna die anyways! I would preferred not having to wait like 80 years just so I can freely be with you.” You were stubborn but so are they. “Then wait. Why, why do you so freely wish to give up your life for Hell. What’s another 80 years if I’ll have an eternity with you by the end of it.”

“Wont I be like super old? You want to be with a super old me? I certainly don’t want to look any older than I am now for the rest of eternity, thank you!” That was a poor argument, you knew that. But you felt as if this was actually becoming an argument and you sure as hell didn’t want that to be the case.

“I can’t do that.” They quietly replied, hands coming up to cup your face. “Fuck the laws, since when are you anything but rebellious!” You were so set on this idea. Lucifer sighed, they almost looked, sad? “I don’t care about the laws. I care about you, much more than anything else, much more than I’d usually feel comfortable admitting. My darling, I can’t kill you.”

Sure you’ve been together for years, you know how you feel about eachother you know they love you more than anything. But hearing that admission, basically a confession- so openly made you pause. What are you even supposed to say after that?

“You die and then what? You just leave your whole life behind, quite literally. You simply move to hell? What comes after? What are your expectations, what do you want from this?” Being alive for so many eons you’d guess it’s impossible to stop thinking about the future, about any and all possibilities.

“Nothing! I just want to be with you. I don’t care what i have to go through or have to get used to once I’m there. I just want to be with you why is that so difficult to understand?” Why don’t 𝙮𝙤𝙪 understand.

“Hell isn’t me. You need to understand that, it’s not a book trope, it’s not a person who softens up to you. It’s a place meant for sin, judgment and punishment. Hell is not fun, it’s freezing, it smells of sulfur and smoke, there is no such thing as peace and quiet there. I can keep you sheltered inside the walls of my castle. Outside of that, it is just hell.”

“Then I’ll stay by your side, inside the castle, and I’ll learn. Id only have so many years to learn how to live there after all.” You’re not letting this go until they give in or the day you naturally die and they know that.

You knew their mind was running through every little detail of how this could work, of how they’d find the strength to actually kill you, how you could be by their side, how hell could actually be your home.

“Is this truly what would please you?” They searched your eyes for any hesitation, for doubt, but they couldn’t find any. “To start Our forever now? More than anything. I have nothing here to will hold me back, I have a home when I’m with you, Lucifer.”

Lucifer sighed, arms wrapping around you once again. “I, I will find a way, if you truly insist. I will ensure your comfort, that you are to die quickly and painlessly, and when you wake it will be in the safety of my arms.”

“I couldn’t dream of anything better!” You were visibly giddy now that you got your way. “Peculiar little being. Nobody has ever been this excited about death or hell.”

You giggled and spoke proudly, “Death is a friend, and the lord of hell is my lover, I wouldn’t expect to be called anything but peculiar.”

Was it a terrifying idea to Lucifer? Definitely. No argument there. But seeing how you practically lit up when Lucifer complied maybe made it all worth it.

[brxkxnhxxrtsclxb]

Hii! Just wanted to ask if you saw Boruto leaks? (If you didn't, i'll just that it's over for Sarada😭).

hi anon :3 !!

sigh… a can of worms i didn’t want to open has been opened soooo…

long rant ahead:

[TLDR: this manga is a hot mess. sarada deserves not better, BUT THE BEST (i’m biased, she’s my fave so she only deserves the best)]

dear anon, i. am. tired. TIIIIRRRREEDDDD !!!!!

i’m sorry if this comes off as mean and rude and pls know i am not cussing you out (literally not directed at you, but at the manga) but WTF . respectfully, WHAT THE FUUUCCKKKK ??!! this manga is soooo i don’t even have the right words. well for one it’s ghetto. i can say that

so now we know chapter 10 WAS sarada’s fight this time skip. seems she’s for real gonna get the sakura treatment in being underutilized. sakura got her one fight against sasori and that was that UNTIL the war and fight against kaguya. seems sarada is unfortunately suffering the same fate. she got her dodging and chidori against hidari moment (which was literally the bare minimum tbh) and that’s it. WTF ._.

she’s being saved by we all know who YET AGAIN. it’s tiresome. why does she constantly need to be saved ?? we KNOW she’s capable to do her own thing. WE KNOW THIS !! she’s a shinobi dammit. her best moment was in the kawaki arc against boro and she’s never had another chance. that was all kodachi. i truly lament the day kodachi was let go (reasonable as to why but i didn’t realize how good we had it T_T). also, she has the other jonin with her so again, WTF. get them out of the way to give the MC yet another hero moment (same with himawari which doesn’t even makes sense. she got kurama now right ?? she got a huge power up somehow. tf she needs to be saved for?? hello ?? who’s writing this ??)

why IS sarada always being saved ?? they have her yapping about her goal to become hokage YET she’s done nothing to prove it (only did so by welcoming and befriending kawaki) and SHE IS THE ONE BEING SAVED !!!! the hokage’s job is to PROTECT THE VILLAGE !! she’s the one who is suppose to be doing the saving, not be saved!!!!! omg who IS writing this ??!!

i will say it’s possible the leaks are fake. i know this guy who said this is a reliable leaker but he also did say he wasn’t posting any since the chapter was dropping soon anyway. it’s possible he posted them so people could stop pestering him about them OR he just lied to, again, get these people off of him idk. of course there is the chance they’re true but that doesn’t matter anymore. this manga is fried. chapter after chapter, it’s the same washed stuff

kishimoto and ikemoto said it’d get dark and would be darker and better than naruto, that’s not true at all. fandom kept telling those outside of it (haters and those neutral to the manga) to give it time and how the time skip will get better. here we are now and nothing. it’s all… for what ??

they haven’t canceled this manga because reasons. and if that’s the case where they (jump) wanna keep it around, they’re better off canceling it while they still can and rebooting it tbh. they can use the same karma and otsutsuki plot line. it’s good. it works. all they need to do is hire an actual writer who knows what they’re doing and how to tell a story (like they did with kodachi), or idk a different mangaka who writes and draws and knows what they’re doing to work on it (like almost every manga). this isn’t any hate to ikemoto, but we know the man isn’t a writer. if that were the case we wouldn’t have needed kodachi from the start (shit, maybe ikemoto is the one doing everything which is why it’s all so contradicting and makes zero sense and so repetitive but this goes into conspiracy theory territory so i’ll leave it alone)

i’ll keep reading to see where they go with kawaki cuz i do like him too (and where is the lil vampire ?? where he ran off to?? hello ?? code, you there ??!!), but other than that this manga is a hot mess. notice how everyone in the ENTIRE CAST is dumbed down and weakened to make boruto look good ?? if you need to make your entire cast stupid in order for your main character to shine, you’re not a writer who knows what they’re doing and your main character sucks. your MC is boring and needs to be made to look cool and special by sacrificing the other characters. i’m sorry that’s SUPER RUDE, but that’s the truth and all there is to it. i can’t sugarcoat it :((

sorry for getting into a long rant anon. thank you for thinking of me and letting me know when seeing the leaks. i appreciate it🖤 it’s comforting to know someone sees things for the way they are. it IS over for sarada. as a fan of hers, i can say that cuz that’s what we’re getting. i’m not gonna sit here and be like “no she’s doing just fine”😭😭. only people i see defending this are shippers which is so stupid cuz that’s not the way to read shonen manga and not the main focus. you can have your ships, yes, but it’s literally not working in sarada’s favor AT ALL

idk. maybe it’s possible things will get better for sarada and i REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY WANT IT TO. YAY if that does happen but she’s in the middle of combat and this is what we get for her :(( she doesn’t get fights. ZERO TIME TO SHINE and it’s so stupid. she’s the main heroine, please treat her like it

imma go and cry in a corner now (not literally lmao) cuz my girl only deserves the best and that’s not boruto cuz all he does is hinder her character and potential😖

i am not okay with any of this T_T

[sevensdeadly-if]

My problem with this IF is that it lives rent free in my brain. And saying that it's literally one of my favorite Ifs off all time. I think you greatly underestimate how much of a wonderful writer you are. But I digress. Lol I had to make two variations of my MC.

My 3 main routes and probably favorite ROs are

Aster/Fenrir, Nero which is like number 1 over everyone else and then Uriel's grumpy ass.

For Aster/Fenrir I had to make a sarcastic flirty MC because no these two would eat a shy MC alive and I didn't want to be breakfast. They both are the worst and that would just be feeding two sharks who smell blood in the water. Lol tho I suppose the overprotective aspect of having a shy reserved MC with them would also be appealing but I like the fact we can give as good as we get. Ps. Loved the whole reaction to his sister. That was theeeee best thing ever. 🥰

For my best boy Nero I had to make a shy MC. I'm sorry did you see how fumbly cute his reaction to a shy MC is. Them just both being awkwardly sneaking glances at each other is goals. I honestly love Nero so much. Like a normal amount...sure...normal amount.. 😬 👀😏

As for Uriel I like a grumpy wet cat RO so much. I will make him love me 🙄 stupid hot grumpy guy. Love him! I plan on being the most positive friendly open MC with Uriel because we gta dispel, disarm and confuse tf out of him with love and kindness! 💜

All in all I love more ROs the girls are wonderful too an J but these are like my favorites. Maybe I just like the jealous ones best.. 🤷🏻‍♀️😅... I'm gonna go read this again.

I have a problem. No but for real I don't think you know what I mean when I say I truly love your work so much. I cld rant about it to everyone.. probably have.. and if I needed to write a review for what I loved about it.. I like reviewing shit. It would probably be incredibly too long.. like this ask.. sorry. 😭🙈

😭no cause this is so sweet. Like it’s been a really shitty week and this has just brightened my mood up so much. Thank you so much for enjoying the game I really am so glad you are enjoying it and sticking around I appreciate it a lot 🥲

[angabby-zzz]

Something something requested post about gabby

Ive like talked a little about stuff related 2 her identity problems ☝️ ✌️ and everything but like. vague hand motions heres the whole thing:;;;

Tbh im not sure where it started but to me its a mix of her ties to dionysus being expression and emotions and me just projecting onto her. her powers are focused on influencing others and manipulating things rather than just nature or art so shes like. full of chaos. not even in a silly personality trait way its literally just built into her. thats what her powers are. chaos and change. thats what she embodies. [which contrasts angels motif of calmness and cowardice and brings a cool balance to their relationship]

so obviously that and having bipolar disorder can make things messy sometimes and she struggles with truly being happy with her friendships. which is bad on its own but these also make her really cling to predictability and the idea of being in control (most obvious ex. is taking the role of leader during the quest for herself and planning out everything they do) which like. is related to the uncertainty she feels towards herself and her future cuz shes like getting closer to being an adult [and also the age lots of demigods dont make it very far past but she hasnt had to worry much about that until now] but really isnt ready to do that nor does she have any real passion for any job or thing related to it. shes just focused on finishing highschool and then she’ll have to worry about that. which she hated cuz yk. Mentioned stuff.

so basically its lots of Wow this is a lot of emotions about stuff with me in it. But who am i even. What is my purpose what am i supposed to do. Why is the world like this i dont want to do adult things. I dont even know what those adult things are or how they work.

i wanna say there were some v small thoughts about this pre-demigod stuff happening [mostly just about if people like her or not or how tf to make friends rather than everything else] and it just like got 10x worse once they did start cuz it like ruined what good she had goin. duh

and going with the linked post where i apologize to gabby she also has the dumbest smart person in the room problem where yes she Is very smart and good at problem solving and fighting but she also feels like shes not very useful or impressive when in certain groups [like how angel and jade have more knowledge about greek myths and nature than her] so its like. Hm is she really all that if she can only shine when surrounded by people less competent than she. also the guilt mentioned in said post is like related to this too cuz she wants to look cool and be inteligent and awesome yet also could come off as stuck up or a showoff or something cuz of how much she wants to be looked up to by others and be complimented

i think the last thing i have to say about it is how she does a lot of avoiding like. as a coping thing. like 2 examples i have so far for p1 would be the whole forced quest thing as an excuse to leave camp and not deal with violet or jack or anyone else who could bring up the fight and then the breakdown talk with angel (though its less avoiding and more finally snapping from all the pushing away) … and like maybe the bedrotting on their first summer there could count since she didnt wanna go out and see her dad or engage in any camp things but idk. maybe the thing w her stepdad too

Anyway yeah this post took forever cuz i was working on it on and off lollll sorry been busy (so obv disclaimer sorry if it sounds weird cuz i kind of just continued my thoughts between hour long pauses. im not rereading my lore posts bro thats what ive got notes and memorized info for….)

[pammydawes]

Alrighty folks we are at 8.5 hours left of hell bent and BOY HOWDY do I have some thoughts!!

🛑!!Spoilers below!!🛑

BWAHAHAHA I am being so fulfilled and validated!! Im glad it worked out so that this check in is right before they descend into hell and everything

All my mercy and pammie nerd bonding dreams are coming true. Leigh idk what I did to personally deserve this but ty

TRIPPPPP he’s back my golden retriever is back!!! Not doing so hot but he’s had it p good in life so far. Can’t wait to see how he does in literal hell!

Abel turner continues to be the mvp!! Also just realized he’s Christian and Abel is a biblical name…..as in ‘Cain and’. I’m worried and pretending not to think abt it!! Hope he doesn’t have any older siblings!! “Your demonic boyfriend” on the floor. I Gagged. when I heard that. turner stop giving the people what we want idk if we can handle it

I’m deeply concerned about the status of darlingdemon’s physical body?? Is that what’s at black elm or not?? If they’re only bringing his soul back what are they planning on putting it in???

While I am a little overwhelmed by the addition of yet more seemingly unrelated plot intrigue, linus rider has been an absolute blast so far!! The whole time Alex was comparing Ariel and eitan and Len and drug dealers generally to vampires she was on the nose!!! I kinda wonder how eitan is gonna play into the more supernatural plot lines now. Could he be a vampire??

ALSO, odds that Linus is the terrible new Lethe supervisor whose name I can’t remember’s long lost lover??? Any takers?? Speaking of whom, wow! I have never well and truly disliked a character so quickly! I feel like Leigh made him so intentionally dislikeable right off the bat that something is gonna happen later to turn that on its head, idk what yet. It’s never what you see is what you get with miss Bardugo…….

Speaking of dislikeable, anselm’s cool card is revoked for being a creep! Drain him dry Alex!!! Although that whole convo was pretty enjoyable I will admit. I like the juxtaposition of him with darlington, anselm being the sort of jaded realist darlington might have grown into if he weren’t…darlington

Speaking of vampires and dislikeable, huge fan of the scene where Alex tells darlington’s parents to eat shit and die!!! And Alex seeing DTA3’s memories, that was sooooo good. Also COSMO……my funky little guy….what are Bowie cat’s secrets I am dying to know!!! What if he really is David Bowie, and David Bowie was a demon the arlingtons made a deal with way back in the day. (Minus the David Bowie part that is an actual theory)

The part where pammie and Alex fought…… :(. Shit hurted pretty good I must say

Just WHAT is going on with Michelle???? I literally have no ideas do we really think she might be linked to the murders?? Is SHE a demon?? I take back everything I said abt her being meh I am deeply intrigued

Sexy gardener lauren ahahaha. When it was mentioned that the ritual is supposed to have a whole bunch of people all together keeping time on the surface while ppl are going to hell my immediate thought was that they were somehow gonna bring their liquor treat party to the ritual site and blast music. Still think that would be fun but idk if it would make sense. Does feel like some mercy type innovation though, and it would rope Lauren into the plot a lil more

Because I’m a hornball thirstgremlin with repressed anger issues I am DESPERATE for a scene with demon Danny threatening someone who’s been giving alex shit. My top picks are eitan and Linus, anselm is also a candidate. lord imagine demon darlington policing the houses of the veil, that would serve them goddamn right

I’m wondering if we’re going to get any more answers about Alex’s nature any time soon? What tf is a wheelwalker? What was her grandma’s deal? (Cool lady all the memories of her are so compelling) what was her DAD’s deal? Is her mom really that spacey or is there something more to all of her flakiness? I am SO curious!!!! What if her dad was connected to Lethe somehow!!

I’m also enjoying the further intrigue abt lethe’s origins and the gauntlet. Never trust an organization that’s main purpose is to uphold the greater broken institution yall

And still we don’t know wtf is going to be the deal in november!!!!!

See y’all in another four hours ig 👀

[apoptoses]

I know I’m a WHOLE week late to this but last week kicked my ass in so many ways and I’m just getting the chance to have a proper break and take in the madness that was #vckinkweek. The good people of tumblr TURNED tf up and it makes me so damn happy 🥹 I had to start wth Red, Violent Red because of course I had to 🥹

You really said “fuck it, let’s just give DA everything she’s ever wanted”. Impact play! Dirty talking! Breeding kink! Riccardo flashbacks! It was so insanely hot and intense, I’m absolutely obsessed and I know I’ll be coming back to this one whenever I’m in need of a comfort fic (because Armand begging for Daniel’s cock IS extremely comforting to me thankyouverymuch). I can’t thank you enough for taking what was only a half formed prompt in my head and turning into nothing short of biblical smut. 

Like how am I supposed to move on with my life when this line exists: “He keeps thinking of what Daniel had said, that now that he’s dead nothing belongs in this part of him. It’s just a home for Daniel’s cock. Armand lets out a desperate sound against his lips at the thought and sinks straight down until their hips meet.” I’m scandalized yet so soft!!! Armand wanting to be consumed by Daniel as much as he wants to consume him is truly one of the pillars of their relationship. He fucking loves to boss Daniel around but more than happily crawls on the floor for him whenever he has to. And that’s why they work so well together. Your vision!!! 🤌 🤌 🤌

Moving onto Lift Up the Receiver... jesus christ lmao. THEE Night Island fic we needed AND deserved. The vibes were immaculate, so cinemanic (I mean... clearly!). Decadent, delirious, hot as hell, SO 80′s. And YES that had Spader!Daniel written all over it, and boy did the mental pictures delivered. Daniel in the white suit with his exposed chest and long legs in full businessman mode, acting all snarky while obviously horny as hell lmaooo CRUELTY. I’ll never be free from this Daniel now and I need SO MUCH MORE OF HIM!! You can truly see why Armand loves riling his ass up and can never get enough of him. And I loved how palpable the shift was from your other fics with Daniel in his early/mid 20′s vs. this one here where he’s clearly in his late 20′s/early 30′s. I will literally never shut up about this. SO GOOD. That’s my man right there!!!

Just had to let all that out before properly sinking my teeth into the Riccardo/Armand oneshot now. I’m so excited!! Will be back with more as soon as I can!

You did it again fr fr xoxo DA ❤️

dungeon anon i missed you so much during kink week!! i'm so glad you're back and catching up!!!

I just loved doing a fic where Armand submits but then also dominates in the end, like he really does it ALL there. And I think about that bit, about his body only being a home for Daniel's cock all the time. All of his functions are useless! The only organ he needs is his heart and the rest of him is just for a lover's pleasure, for Daniel's pleasure in specific, and how mind blowing must that be for both of them to think about? It's intimate and obscene.

I absolutely plan on doing more with Armand willingly and happily submitting so be patient, it'll happen ♥

I'm so thrilled that out of anything, you noticed that Daniel read as slightly older in the Night Island fic. Because I wanted that! He's not just Armand's sugar baby now, he's his business partner and he's running the hell out of this island during the day while Armand sleeps. He's a little more weary, a little more serious and snarky, but still head over heels for this hot little 500 year old boyfriend who won't stop pestering him.

And he's super fucking hot in his Miami get ups. Spader in Pretty Pink- that's the wardrobe. Linen suits, salmon pink shirts half buttoned. He's very Miami Vice, upgraded from sugar baby to sugar daddy in his own right, and how could Armand NOT come into that office and jump him?

Please come back when you read the Amadeo and Riccardo, I want to hear your thoughts ♥ I loved writing it and I love your takes and the details you pick up. So I'm eagerly waiting for your commentary.

xoxo

[here2bbtstrash]

hi, eonni! i dont know if you still would keep me in your thoughts. better if you do, or even if you don't, i’d be glad both the ways. maybe if i’m being so dumb and vague, im yun.. hello :')

i disappeared suddenly, because life has never been good on me. i miss you dearly, and i don't have the guts to come infront as a non anon, aka someone with a true blog. of the many people i met in my previous blog, you're the one with whom i felt the most safe with, so i just wanted to drop in..

is it too awkward or sudden to drop in?

i read ldomlt chap 10, and it absolutely broke me. of all the things ive learnt so far, i know it's okay to mess up, because we're all humans. but the avalanche of everything which went on..im alright, because it's just common and we're all humans. but one thing for sure is, yoongi and oc are both idiots, complete idiots, lacking proper communication. with jk, he's an amazing guy, is he single? askin for a friend, obv, ty ty

i do so realised that maybe they won't ever share that golden bond they did, but maybe they can improve and develop with time (: (:

and one thing for sure is, that yoongi totally is gaslighting.

i do know that one shouldn't presume anything, and me myself am, because i do know that yoongi is scared. yoongi is scared that he loves her, and she deserves someone who's better than him, and even some stances of past relationships which is making him gaslight everything, even his own emotions. i do get it, it's the human nature afterall. he's scared, but i hope he understands that life is all about feeling it..

don't know, if im logical for it, but it's, i suppose, oc is in the stage of grief and denial, as well as anger. it's okay, the storyline was great, and i absolutely appreciate you for keeping it so clean and natural, because (having faced some so similar situation myself,) some novel shit absolutely doesn't occur in real life, like they appear when you want them to. life makes you lick your shoelaces and taste the bitterness, and sometimes it burns you out...she has gone through a lot..

but however, i truly hope that the story has a good ending: i know some things can't be mend even after years of exile, but they can be better. i know that yoongi loves her, cares about her, which is why he even came to the party.. and the part when he said

“ i just want you to be happy ”

my heart broke too.

but i hope these idiots take upon and talk, and things get better.

and i hope everything is smoother on your side too, eonni (:

YUN BABY MY DONGSAENG OMG 🥺 it's so good to hear from you!!!!

of course you have been in my thoughts!! i have missed talking to you but i know life is hard and i don't take it personally when people take breaks/walk away from tumblr or i just don't hear from them for a bit!

i do hope things are looking up for you or will soon, if not now then definitely in the new year, bc you deserve good things!! 💜 and you are always welcome to say hi to me no matter how long it's been 🥺

oh god 😭 chapter 10 was so so much i know.... all the emotions and flaws and failures to communicate. so much humanity and MESS between these two. at least we have jk 🫠 who is single but i think you have an entire army of baby star candy stans to fight for his love 🤣

you are so so correct about both yoongi and reader. she absolutely called him tf out when she said he was scared. and i love that you pointed out he isn't just gaslighting her but also himself - that's soooo real. he thinks if he can just shove it down, push her away, and get back to work, the way he's feeling will dissipate.... 👀 guess we'll have to see how that plan goes lmao

i'm so glad you're enjoying the story and that you feel it's natural!! i loved putting in that little end moment even though it's obviously VERY sad... as a lover of tv shows/books and the many tropes that come with them, i have sadly had that moment far too many times myself. it can be so crushing when the imagined scenarios in your head don't come true 🥺 but she's off to start a new life.... and we have to see how it all wraps up!! 💜

ugh it makes me so so happy that you reached out, and that you're still enjoying this series!! i really wanna hear more about your life and how things are going - i'm pretty sure you have me on discord so pls don't hesitate to message anytime!!!

wishing nothing but the best for you in 2023 and beyond, and i'm manifesting that shit, so you know it'll come true 😉✨💜

[thedonkeyofyourdreams]

the bastard son and the devil himself rewatch

Ep. 4

Finally found the time to watch the next ep!! Holy moly christmas time is busy time. There is sooo much flesh in this episode, I had to restrain myself from going scene by scene. 

So in this ep we get to know Gabriel more. He used to be casually dating Clark, a clingy and annoying american 29-year old. And this is ofc the age problem coming from, you know, that some people find Gabriel too old for shipping him with Nathan. We have proof that Gabriel is supposed to be 19 (they could have gone for a younger look for him tho, I agree), but why tf make clark 29? He doesn’t even look very old, say 24, 25 and it is already better. Anyways. Clark is an idiot. Everything in Gabriel’s reaction is screaming ‘shut up, you’re ruining everything’ but he doesn’t realize. And then Gabriel walks off and home to get his powder to make Clark forget about him. Which is not really all that nice. I gotta agree with Ruby, maybe just dump people instead. Clearly Gabriel is a boy with commitment issues, with sky-high walls around himself, and shying away from emotional confrontation. 

We return to present time, the trio has jumped out a window with magical orbs in their mouths, and Nathan and Gabriel push each other away as if the other person was gross. Cute. Gabriel asks for some trans-fucking-parancy, which of course he doesn’t get. He has these items that are precious to him - we later know that the book from his mother is what really matters. He mentions everything else, the vintage golden lighter, russian pornography etc. Annalise comes with a lighter as a peace offering, with a new favourite line from Gabriel - ‘I didn’t say I didn’t want it, I said I wasn’t grateful’. Look at this angry cat.

And you know what I didn’t notice the first time I watched this episode? When they cut back to Soul at Gabriel’s apartment, he is playing with Gabriel’s golden lighter. 

Gabriel has guessed that Annalise’s power is something deadly, and offers her a joint (his second peace offering - kitty is warming up to her). Interestingly, when Annalise says her power is decimation, Gabriel replies that not a lot of fairborn witches have that power. This adds to the suspicion that there is something more to her power. I have seen a theory that her mother is not really controlling water - Annalise herself says that she has never really seen her mother do much with it. But I think that it is more likely that Soul had something to do with it. He seems to have understood what she has done to Beef and the pocket watch, but he doesn’t seem all that surprised. Now she has killed a person, and of course he knows what has happened, but he blames blood witches. Easy enough. Blood witches are all wild, murderous psychopaths, aren’t they?

This episode also features Gabriel in jail, and this man is just so freakin hot in these scenes. Is it the leather strappy thing over the blue turtle neck?? The no-fucks-to-give-attitude?? The french dialogue? I am so happy they are giving us real french people and not just running all lines in english. I love hearing Gabriel talk french with the other people. 

We also see Jessica torturing the pirate man. Soul thinks it’s appropriate to give this task to a 17 year old recruit, telling her that he thinks she can be ruthless too. Of course she can, she is a psychopath being rewarded for hurting people. And she looks at him like the father she never had. They truly deserve each other. 

Another interesting part is when the truth comes out about who Nathan is. Annalise had been drinking all episode and can’t hold her tongue. Nathan continues the idiocy by sharing the prophecy that he is supposed to kill his father, the hero of the blood witches. This is where I get curios as to how Gabriel’s mind works. He leaves them, fed up with not knowing what is happening, and lets his french friends take them to the bar where the cut is. Does Gabriel realise already that they are likely to try to kill Nathan? When he turns back, he doesn’t seem surprised to have to fight. Did he just have to evaluate if he felt like fighting his friends for N&A or not? I’m glad the lighter made him think he should, but I also find it a little hard to believe, considering how they seemed to be pretty tight earlier. Would Mercury maybe be angry with him, if he let Nathan die?

So by the end, Gabriel has his book back, he has wiped creepy Clark’s memory, he has saved Annalise and Nathan, made enemies out of his friends, and he can never come back to that bar, which he loved. But at least now all the cards are on the table, right???

And Gabriel is his sassy stray cat self again, but ready to see this thing through til the end. Look at that, character growth already in his second episode. 

[iamyelling]

i'm good at working. not so good at job applying and searching. which sucks. makes me look bad bc i have the fucking stupid ass giant gaps in my resume . which is also significantly due to the shitass economy / job market. everyone wants to be a designer nobody wants to hire a designer. i apply for other basic jobs too and no of course they don't want me either. nobody wants me. truly need a job so so so bad and truly no one wants to hire me it is fucking pointless. i apply to so many jobs. so many!! i'm a really good option for a lot of them and a good candidate for most and decent for the rest. huuuundreds. and i go months and months and months searching. nothing. nothing!!!

how am i supposed to live?? i can't. DO. anything. i can't have any interests. or hobbies. or progress or try things out or do anything interesting or cool. i can't fix my car i can't make things better i can't even set goals bc they just keep getting pushed out every year because i keep not having a job. how can i make goals if i can't work towards them? it requires a job in order to make progress. so i can't. i can't do any of it. the years go by. the time goes by. and i'm in the same place. my hair grows longer and my money is drained away on things. and nothing happens.

i really hope one of these jobs i apply to hires me fuckin soon man. i really need it.

the depressing part is that it's next to impossible to get hired just from cold applying. you gotta get in some other bullshit way. so how tf do i do that.

i'm tired of all the faux optimism that everyone demands and expects from me. like dude it's fucking FUCKING hopeless okay.

tired of the cheesing and HEHE I JUST GOTTA KEEP TRYING!!! GOTTA STAY POSITIVE!!!

god all the bullshit lines i say to people . it's all about appearances. i'm never ever ever going to get a job (YEAH NOT WITH THAT ATTITUDE. shut the fuck up)

[my-digi-life]

Sorry for not posting haha. I didn’t mean to go this long without saying anything, but this past week has pretty busy. Let’s talk about what I’ve been up to!

So on the 9th, I was supposed to work a morning shift at another location and it’s about 40 minutes from where I live. My shift was supposed to start at 10 so I was going to leave my house at 9. For a little reference, I’m someone who shows up 30 minutes early to everything because being late is nightmarish and anxiety inducing for me. However, on this day, my phone died in the middle of the night so my 8 am alarm didn’t go off and I didn’t end up waking up until 9:38 in the morning. I was freaking tf because I’m never late for anything. I was extra freaking out bc this was my first time at this location and I didn’t want to make a horrible first impression. 

I had to use my dad’s cell phone to text the location manager that I was running late and that I would be there ASAP. It was truly humiliating, but luckily he was beyond kind and understanding. I spent the rest of my shift doing literally everything for the location to make up for it (he didn’t make me or even ask, I just did it because I felt so guilty).

Other than that this week has been pretty smooth just a lot of working, and some meetings. I’ve been keeping up with my goal to go to the gym at least 2 times a week. 

I went after my shift on the 9th and the 10th, and as soon as I’m done writing this I’m going to go the gym.

I hate to admit it but going to gym really has improved my mood and my energy levels. I feel less anxious and I found myself feeling better when I went after being stressed out about showing up late. 

I’ve been eating better. I’m really just trying to be conscious about what I eat and eating with both craving and satiation in mind. Usually, I would snack with no care for how long the snack would keep me full before I would feel hungry again, but now I’m trying to balance my cravings for less nutritionally dense foods with some more fiber or protein rich foods. 

I weighed myself today and found myself having some negative self talk, but I was able to shut that down which always feels like a victory. I spent so much of my life talking down to myself and having the ability now to pull myself out of it feels awesome. 

Sorry this post was kind of all over the place and has no real ending to it, but that’s all I really have for now. 

Hum and kiss from your friend,