#this is definitely one of my longer rambles

[gigisaquarium]

captain's quarters, monkey d. luffy x reader 𐙚 likes, comments, and reposts are so appreciated !! requests are encouraged !! i’m looking for friends and regulars !! this is my first time writing in a few months, please consider this a warm up

𐙚 summary : Luffy's filter, or lack thereof, often times got him into trouble, even for simple things, like his obvious favoritism. (Spoiler alert: you're his favorite.) However, this time, it was quite beneficial.

𐙚 warnings: SMUT !! goofy first time, cutely awkward, no piv YET, masturbation, silly luffy rambles, possible bad/messy writing it’s been forever, kind of too long?? idk

def not proofread it’s like wayyy to late for that

Luffy wasn’t “sexy” by any means. He was very attractive and had a bright personality, but he was such an idiot. He was always goofing off or sneaking a snack when the crew wasn’t under attack, so you never thought you’d have any thought of having sex with your captain. You doubted he was even aware of sex. It wasn’t something that crossed your mind, at least until last week.

It was an unspoken rule of respect to not enter Luffy’s room. The captain’s quarters were typically private places to wind down and exist outside of being a pirate. However, being the thoughtful person you were, you decided to do Luffy’s laundry for him. In reality, you were hoping to catch a little glimpse into his mind. Curiosity had taken over, and you just wanted a tiny peek, just an idea of what his room looked like. Was it clean or messy? Was it decorated? Simple questions that had plagued your mind.

Luffy seemed to plague your mind quite a bit these days. A simple memory of him made you smile and you found yourself wondering how his day was going if you stayed in the girl’s dorms for a longer period of time than usual. There was no doubt that you were the captain’s favorite, and you wondered if that is what originally swayed you. After thinking on it over night, you decided it was just his big heart and his pretty smile that drew you in.

That’s how your curiosities came about. That’s why you were stood outside of Luffy’s door all those days ago, shocked to hear that he had beat you there. You were expecting the room to be temporarily abandoned, especially since Luffy never stayed in one place. He was in there, though, and it was obvious. While muffled, you could clearly hear his grunts and whines, and you nearly froze in place. You weren’t stupid; you knew what he was doing. You were simply shocked. You weren’t sure if you were more caught off guard or more surprised that Luffy even knew how to jack off. He always seemed so oblivious about everything.

Time passed, and the sounds he made creeped into your mind more and more. You hadn’t spoken to him much since. You left the laundry basket outside his door and had simply retreated. You weren’t purposefully avoiding him. You just felt so flustered every time you saw him, now. He had definitely noticed this and began to make an effort to figure out what was bothering you.

“Are you mad at me,” he would ask, following you around the Sunny as you kept yourself busy. You would simply smile and shake your head. “No, of course not.” He gave up on that after a while, instead trying to think back on every small detail from the past few days. He wasn’t much of a thinker, though. It got frustrating quickly.

He finally made the connection when he remembered finding the laundry basket outside of his room after he came all over his stomach. It was an aha moment for him, and he quickly rushed to find you, despite the clock reading 2:54 am. “Y/n,” he whispered, standing at the entrance of the girl’s dorm. He moved closer to you, gently tapping you on the shoulder in attempt to wake you.

When you finally open your eyes, eyes fluttering in confusion and eyebrows drawn together, he tugs on your arm. “I know why you’ve been avoiding me,” he whispers, pulling you out of bed. You felt your stomach churn, and, suddenly, you were very awake. You let him pull you up onto the deck, using your free hand to rub your eyes. “You do,” you question in a hushed expression of surprise. How did he figure it out?

“Yeah! You’re upset that I don’t let you in my room,” he answers, pulling you towards his room. What…? “I saw the laundry you left outside of my door, and I realized that you never go inside. So I’m taking you to my room, so you can see inside,” he goes on, looking back at you with a sleepy grin.

“Luffy, no, that’s not it. It’s okay,” you tell, but he was already pushing his door open, urging you to step inside. Taking the opportunity to look around, you purse your lips. It was very… Luffy. Clean, but not organized. There wasn’t anything on his floors, but his bed was unmade and miscellaneous trinkets were scattered across his desk. “Then what is it?” He questions, dropping down onto his bed, the springs rattling.

“I don’t think it’s something… we should talk about.” He tilts his head before flopping backwards, peeling off his socks. “You can talk to me about anything. I like to know what you’re thinking,” Luffy assured you, stretching out on the big mattress. You let out a little huff, playing with a little ceramic shrimp that was sitting on the edge of his bedside table. “It was something I wasn’t supposed to know, anyways. Hear, not know,” you explain, looking down at him.

You sensed his dusty cogs spinning, spiderwebs snapping as he analyzed your words. “It was during the day, right? You probably heard me jerking off,” he says simply, sitting up now. “Is that what’s bothering you? Are you jealous? I wasn’t thinking about other girls or anything. I was thinking about you.”

You had no idea how he could say that with such a straight face. It was difficult for you to even process his words. How did this idiot’s brain even work? “Okay, yes… that is what had been on my mind, but I really didn’t mean to avoid you over it. And, no, I wasn’t jealous, I was just… it was difficult for me to not think about you in that kind of way after hearing that,” you ramble on, nerves getting to you now.

“I thought that we liked each other, so, thought you’d be jealous,” he explains, scratching his head while slowly kicking his feet. It was too early in the morning for… whatever this was. “Do we? Do you like me?” You ask, trying to form a cohesive thought. Luffy was making it difficult. “I really like you. I thought you knew that,” he giggles, laying back again. “Yeah, I guess I did.”

Did he not feel awkward at all? Maybe it was just you . You were putting too much thought into it. “Then I guess we do like each other,” you finally sigh. It felt better for it to be out in the open than kept tucked away, anyways. “Do you wanna know what I was thinking about?” Luffy asks softly, filling the silence. You lie down next to him, raising a brow. “When I was getting off,” he clarifies.

Would it be weird to say yes? “Sure,” you mumble, eyes locked on the grey-ish ceiling that was clearly worn down. “I was thinking about you doing it for me. ‘Cus I think I’d rather you do it, than me,” he tells. You got that feeling in your stomach again, a burning fire that demanded attention. “Do you want to?” He follows up, clearly not satisfied with your silence. “Right now,” you ask, completely surprised.

“Yeah. Unless you don’t wanna go so fast. Then you don’t have to,” he tells, propping his head up so he could look at you better. Your heart was way too quick and your thighs were reacting before your brain could. The subtle press of them didn’t fly over Luffy’s head. Sanji had told him way too much about women. “If you want to,” you nod, throat feeling dry. Luffy looks straight into your eyes. You never knew what he was thinking. “I want you to want to. Don’t do it just for me,” he says firmly.

“I want to,” you tell him. “I do.” He stares a little longer, finally scooting closer. Putting a hand on the side of your face, he pressed a small kiss to your nose. After a moment of hesitation, he moved on to your lips. It was clear that he was inexperienced; the kiss was all over the place, and lasted a little bit too long for what it was, but you didn’t mind. Your head was spinning, anyways. For whatever reason, Luffy begins to giggle again. “What?” You pull back, unable to keep yourself from joining in on his laughter.

“I’m just happy,” he tells you, kissing your cheek. “I like kissing you.” It isn’t long before you feel him beginning to gently rub himself against your leg. After a few more kisses, he reaches down, unbuttoning his shorts. You don’t know why you were surprised to see him drop his pants so casually. “I don’t know if I can wait any longer.” He always was impatient. It didn’t bother you, though. You were more caught up in the moment. Nervous, aroused, and caught up in anticipation.

“Look. You do it like this,” he instructs, taking your hand and rubbing it against his hardened cock. “I know. I just… I’m nervous,” you explain. You had been trying not to look. You wanted to look, you just couldn’t. “Then you don’t have to. We can stop,�� he hums, pulling his hand away from yours. “I want to keep going.” You finally muster up the confidence to look down, gently moving your hand up and down his shaft, that was beginning to leak just because you were so pretty.

Luffy lets out a little breath, putting his hand back on yours. “Squeeze it.” He looks up, remembering his manners. “Please.” A word as simple as please fed the flames in your stomach, and you were quick to really go for it this time. You gently rub a small circle around his tip with your index finger, spreading the precum that was dripping down his balls now. Luffy grabs your wrist, letting out a breathy moan. You continue on, lightly running your fingers over the spot right under the head, his cock immediately twitching. “Feels good,” Luffy mumbles, putting a hand on your knee.

“You like this,” you ask, rubbing the tip again, and he nods, but moves your hand to his shaft. “Like it, but ‘s too much. Right here, rub here.” His face had grown pink, and he couldn’t seem to hold back a smile. “You’re doing really good. So good,” Luffy assures, pulling the sleeves to your sweater up to your elbows. He thought of the little things like that, even if he wasn’t one for thinking.

Dragging your hand up and down his throbbing dick, you realized how intimate the moment felt. There was no longer this odd pressure in your chest or a dark fog surround your brain. Your nerves subsided and you felt heat rising in your own body. You were snapped back into reality when you found the perfect amount of pressure and the right speed. Luffy began to grunt with each agonizing pump. “I’m ‘bout to cum. I can do it if you want. It’s messy,” he tells, looking up at the ceiling.

“‘S okay. I don’t mind a mess,” you mumble, twisting your hand at the tip and using your free hand to carefully squeeze his balls, seeing what worked and what didn’t. Finally, you could see his stomach tense, Luffy letting out a heavy groan as the built up tension finally released in an explosion. “Thank you, pretty, shit, shit, shit,” he mumbles. “Keep going a little,” he requests, putting his hand over yours so you could help him ride out his high.

After it’s all over, he cleans up, meeting you back at his door. He wraps you up in his arms, swaying side to side. “It feels better when it’s you. Tomorrow I’ll do something for you, ‘kay?” He whispers, stepping outside with you. “‘Kay,” you grin, pulling away from his hug.

What the fuck just happened?

.

this was lowkey butt

ITS OKAY THOUGH ILL DO WAYYYY BETTER WHEN IM NOT SO TIRED AND HAVE A GOOD IDEA

[genderqueerdykes]

I know I sound like an exclusionist or whatever but it feels like the term lesbian has just been straight up appropriated by non-binary folks. They're not women. And they're not men either. That's the point. And switching around a preexisting definition to fit those who already have their own terms (trixic, anyone?) at the expense of having a term for women who love strictly other women just is... No?? And making the definition (non-men loving non-men) centered around men has always felt like subtle misogyny. I'm not attracted to men. I'm not attracted to non-binary people even if they're fem-presenting. And the only term for that no longer belongs to me as the term itself implies some extent of bisexuality. And it's just... Frustrating. I feel like my desire to have a safe space specifically for people like me is overshadowed by accusations of hatefulness. Labels DO matter to people, they wouldn't be used otherwise. And I feel like in an effort to become inclusive, we've just horseshoe-theoried our way back into being... Exclusive? I guess?? I don't know, I'm rambling, trying to keep and open mind here, but it's difficult. Thoughts?

nah, that's not appropriative of nonbinary people to do. nonbinary lesbians are lesbians. i'm a genderqueer lesbian who is also a woman and a man- i'm not just a "woman loving woman" either. my lesbian attraction doesn't apply to just women- it applies to anyone who identifies as a dyke, lesbian or sapphic. the lesbian community/label has always included people other that women. lesbian does not mean woman loving woman in every case. it means that for some lesbians, but not all. just because you're not attracted to non binary people doesn't mean that other lesbians are not!

"I feel like my desire to have a safe space specifically for people like me is overshadowed by accusations of hatefulness."

that is because you are presently being hateful, yes. nonbinary people are not a threat to you- i don't understand exactly why it's difficult for you to see why this is hateful, as you are very much excluding people who belong from joining the community they belong to. this is identity policing. it is hateful.

how would allowing nonbinary people into the lesbian community make you unsafe? i see people use this argument a lot, that the lesbian community needs to weed everyone out but women in order to "keep women safe". how are other genders inherently unsafe for you to be around? the lesbian community isn't a "safe space for women". it's the lesbian community, that's it. keep in mind, the lesbian community isn't about you, it's about all of us. does the thought of someone who isn't a man being in a gay community threaten you as much, or is this because you view women as inherently defenseless/weak/in need of protecting from other genders? there's a lot of internalized misogyny at play in this mindset.

women can abuse you. women are not inherently safe to be around. the sooner you internalize that, the easier life will become for you. you can't view woman as a "safe" gender and everyone else as a threat. the lesbian community isn't where you go to hide from other genders. i'd like to remind you that lesbians are more than welcome to bring family members and friends who are not lesbians or women to lesbian spaces. a lesbian space does not mean "women ONLY". it means people who identify as lesbians, questioning being lesbians, and everyone who supports them is welcome.

the lesbian community thrives off of the diversity it contains. trying to water down lesbian to "woman attracted to women ONLY" goes against the very reason the lesbian community exists in the first place. the reason you are being called hateful is because you are being hateful, presently, but it's more than possible to change. your idea of lesbianism aligns with rad feminism. it's best to open your mind as soon as possible, lest you find yourself identifying as one of them, some day. and that is a recipe for a lifetime of misery

if you want a "women's only safe space" it might be worth looking into women's groups. like groups made specifically for women and only women to attend. you're not looking for a part of the queer community, it sounds like you're looking for a support group of some kind. like, if you want a women's only safe space, you can find exactly that! they're out there, i'm sure your local area has at least one. this honestly would be more productive than expecting the entire lesbian community to conform to what your specific belief on what a lesbian is.

nobody is excluding you. nobody is challenging that you're a lesbian. you're the one challenging others, which makes you the one being exclusive, not everyone else. i hope these talking points gave you something to chew on for a it. i need you to ask yourself why it is that you want to identify lesbianism this way for everyone. it's fine that that's your definition of lesbian that applies to you and you only, but you are not the protagonist of the lesbian community, and not everyone has to define it the same way as you. hope that helps somewhat

you may want to research the life of Leslie Feinberg. Leslie identified as a polygender & male lesbian for a lot longer than i and probably you have been born. here's some more info on hir:

[superkooku]

Look, this is us filling the Asclepius tag with ramblings :

Irl I'm super giddy right now !!

Honestly I was hoping this post would eventually reach someone else who wanted to ramble about Asclepius 🤣. Because oh boy ! These past few months I realized that he's actually very interesting but I couldn't find the opportunity to really start a discussion about him :3

Don't worry about the initial context, this post contains most of it. @kill-me-with-a-spoon and I began this in a comment section of this post :

I need a "read more" section because this is gonna be a long one.

First of all, calling Asclepius a crimebag is hilariously fitting. Not only did this man resurrect people and got punished for it, he casually does it again to a random woman. Not Coronis, not someone he knows, just a chick that the doctors decapitated to get some worm out and he was so exasperated by their stupid mistake that he just brought her back to life.

He's a criminal AND a recidivist. And Zeus just gave up at this point I think, because he was only punished once. He reminds me of Robin Hood in a way, an unrepentant criminal who helps people around him against an oppressive system.

Another figure he reminds me of is Prometheus. Seriously, I feel like Asclepius and Prometheus would be very good friends if they met, because they share a very similar philosophy of wanting to help mortals, being punished for it and still wanting to do it despite the risks, to push the limit and ultimately bring a wonderful gift to humanity, being heating and medicine. THAT and issues with Zeus 😂. He punished both of them for kinda the same reason. Maybe his grandson reminded him of Prometheus.

Now I'll try coming back to your points because there's so many things to say. I'll try respecting the order to hopefully make it easier.

You mentioned his birth and honestly it's so fascinating. Because, from the get-go, Asclepius cheats death, he runs away from it, he was supposed to die but thanks to Apollo's dad radar, he got saved.

Ok I know those are his ordinary god powers, but to me Apollo 100% has a sixth sense specifically warning him when his kids are in danger. I mean, look at what he said in the picture you sent !! It's clearly his fatherly instinct that drove him to do that, to save his innocent offspring from Coronis' punishment. And yeah, if he hesitated any longer, he would've lost one of humanity's biggest helpers, but most importantly his own son. And I feel like he would've hated himself for it.

This kinda reminds me of Zeus saving baby Dionysus once Semele died, also burnt, but because of his real godly form. It's a powerful way to connect Zeus and Apollo too.

Tying this unusual birth to his future activities is definitely a clever approach. Asclepius seems to fear death, even more than the average Greek. But, contrary so Sisyphus, he doesn't selfishly try to cheat his own way out of the Underworld. Or to extend his youth. Quite the contrary. He uses it to help his fellow mortals, exposing himself directly.

I'll jump to the end of your post to talk about his altruism but I'll come back to previous points. Asclepius committed a very unique kind of hubris. It's not a "I'm better than the gods" thing but a "I'm more helpful than the gods". He saw that none of them, including his own father, went out of their way to undo death. So he did it. And again, he didn't just go and resurrect Coronis or Phlegyas or any family member. I feel like he was given missions, given how random the people on the list are. And he dutifully accepted them. Like a god being prayed to, even by an Olympian deity like Artemis ! And THAT pushed another limit.

The random woman myth is so important because it shows that Asclepius doesn't only resurrect kings and princes, but also regular people. He didn't seek glory or anything, he just did his best to achieve his goals of helping those around him.

You worded everything about the Apollonian family line and the egregious pursuit of curing death so well !!

Even if it wasn't explicitly said, it would still be so blatant that Asclepius was raised by his father, because they have similar tendencies. They have this same stubborn drive to act on their principles, even if it involves disobeying other gods.

There's also this negative relationship with death, wanting to preserve the life around them and grieving when they can't (except Asclepius didn't accept this last part and went on to undo it).

Plus some gremlin energy and the staff from uncle Hermes 😂. Hermes was also said to help Apollo save him and since he collects human souls, he'd 100% be there in his birth to have Coronis AND in Asclepius' death.

Speaking of gods, yes he had godly support, through Athena and Artemis. Heck, even what you said about Zeus tolerating occasional resurrections fits because otherwise, Asclepius would be dead before even trying.

That whole thing about oppression and death is spot on. Coming back to Hippolytus, his demise was very unfair. A result of Aphrodite's spite in front of his indifference, Phaedra's maddening love and Theseus being Theseus. Asclepius seized the opportunity to restore his life and stolen youth. Hippolytus doesn't die again afterwards, at least not from some extraordinary reason. He probably passed from natural causes at a natural age.

But then comes the money thing. It's so interesting because it brings another nuance to his character. The desire and need for money is purely human, gods don't need it. He's only a mortal and this is a proof of it. Why was he "enthralled" by money ? He doesn't seem specially greedy. Maybe it's because he needed it to maintain equipment, buy more resources so he can do his job even better. Maybe it's because he isn't said to be paid anything for helping people, and even if he's a prince, he didn't live with Phlegyas (Coronis' dad) but in the fields with Chiron. So maybe he wanted better life conditions. Or maybe money to pass on. Idk, honestly.

There's so much more stuff to say but I'll let you with this. You're welcome (and encouraged) to answer any time you want. I'll probably post more about Asclepius in the future, so tell me if you want to be tagged.

Who did Asclepius resurrect ?

A couple days ago, I discussed the idea of mortals defeating gods with @kill-me-with-a-spoon on a comment section of my "thoughts on Epic" post.

We talked about Diomedes and Perseus briefly, but then a third example came in : Asclepius.

And I find this specific mention interesting because I didn't think about it but it kinda makes sense 😂

He didn't defeat any god like the two former heroes, that being physically overwhelming them. Instead, he simply "cures" death, thus Thanatos' doing. Not only his, but the Fates' too considering they cut the thread of life. And he meddled with Hades' realm, something that he hated and we know how that ended.

(Hades hating doctors will never not be funny)

I made some research on him for personal projects and so I want to use it right now for personal ramblings about who exactly Asclepius resurrected.

@kill-me-with-a-spoon was pointing out that if, by technicality, he didn't interfere with Hades' domain if souls he resurrected didn't cross the Styx. And I've got to say, I think he did.

Also, I completely agree with the fact that they're still killable. They won't die from the same cause since Asclepius heals their injuries but he doesn't deify anyone.

If we look up different sources, here's the list of people he resurrected.

Hippolytus (according to Pausanias and latin sources like Pseudo-Hyginus or Ovid)

What makes this particularly interesting is that Artemis is the one who has this idea. It shows that portraying her as a man hater is completely wrong since she asks her male nephew to resurrect her male friend/devotee. It shows her bond with Hippolytus (his death was very unfair, so I get it) and with Apollo too, since she trusted her brother's son completely.

Then, it's just funny but in-character that Theseus isn't the one who has the idea to resurrect his son, because of course he wouldn't think about it 😂. It's even funnier if we take late sources stating that Asclepius was among the Argonauts. Because Theseus was too, so they knew each other personally and yet Theseus couldn't think about it.

Another detail : Hippolytus seems to forgive Theseus in Euripides' play, but NOT after coming back to life in Pausanias' version. Different versions, I know, but if we mix the two, then we could interpret that maybe all this time in the Underworld gave him the opportunity to think about it, or maybe, with a new chance to live, he doesn't want to stay with his father.

I get you, Hippolytus. Go have fun.

Capaneus (according to Stesichorus)

What's interesting here is how Capaneus died : he participated in Polynice's siege against Thebes but was killed... by Zeus. He was struck by lightning because of hubris.

And then Asclepius comes and resurrects this guy. All the more reasons for Zeus to be angered. That means he came in and decided to undo divine punishment, the same one that will be his own doom in the future. It's pretty chilling for me.

Lycurgus

So, there are a lot of Lycurguses in mythology.

In the beginning, I thought it was Lycurgus of Thrace, which would've been hilarious because if this guy comes back to life, he'll come back traumatized and insane (also, any grapevine would be the source of PTSD flashbacks). And again, that would've mean undoing divine punishments.

BUT it seems to be a separate Lycurgus that was resurrected. Not the one who offended Dionysus.

It's also not Admetus' brother of the same name, though the logical link would've been easy to make (because of Apollo's servitude and Admetus also being an Argonaut according to some sources).

Honestly, Wikipedia is the only place where the Lycurgus that Asclepius resurrected is distinguished. Even then, the article speaks of a probable case and lists Apollodorus as a source. So not even researchers are completely sure of which Lycurgus it was.

Hymen/Hymenaios : yeah, according to the Orphics, he resurrected some guy named Hymen, even though the only figure with this name is a god... it would've been very interesting to analyze if I had more details about it. Unfortunately, there aren't really.

Tyndareus

Glaucus : It's funny how Asclepius resurrects both Theseus AND Minos' son. Though that exploit is more often attributed to the prophet and healer Polyidos. I wonder if there was some untold teacher-student relationship between the two, since Asclepius is one of the inventors of medicine (with Chiron)

And then there's this woman :

This cracks me up, because this little story alone states that Asclepius as a GOD still resurrects the dead even though he was punished for it. Tbf, he probably had to explain this to Zeus, that he had to compensate his partners' mistake. Still, that's hilarious that not even divine might stopped him.

Don't tell me he didn't know what he was doing. He's a smart guy and his father is literally mr. God of prophecy. I like his audacity.

So, coming back to the initial subject, with the sheer number of mentioned names, I do think they had the time to be buried and cross the Styx (except Capaneus, who was probably turned into ashes lol).

Asclepius definetly meddled with Hades' domain, thus angering the god of the dead and he 100% provoked Zeus.

But, not all the gods were agaisnt him. If we take the version where he resurrects people with gorgon blood, then Athena, who gave it to him, was in favor of his operations.

Then, there is Artemis who asked him to bring back Hippolytus and finally, quite obviously, his n°1 supporter is his own father Apollo (oh god, I could make a whole new post rambling just about Apollo and Asclepius).

So yeah, I really like this myth for many reasons and this is one of them : how it's tied to many other stories, how different figures behave and react to Asclepius' antics, how it puts the system of life and death into questions, etc...

Anyways, if you have anything to comment on about this myth, don't hesitate. I'd love to discuss it more !

My main source about all of this was Theoi.

[lesbian-in-leather]

Let's Talk About Alastor

Hazbin Hotel is rotting my brain so it's time for me to ramble about it to no one in particular!! Obviously this post will contain a whole multitude of spoilers, so please don't look under the cut unless you're fine with that/have seen the full season

As I mentioned in the tags of this post, I have SO MANY THOUGHTS about our beloved Radio Demon, especially in regards to the finale and how I think his plot could go next series, so buckle up folks, this'll be a long one

First off, let's talk about the way he fights. When he's fighting anyone, Alastor is big, and showy, and fucking deadly. We see it time and time again—he has fun when he fights, he enjoys the carnage and, most importantly, the terror he elicits from his foes. And that's why he was tasked with dealing with Adam—he's insanely powerful, and if anyone can take down the head of the exorcists, it would have to be Alastor (because obviously they didn't know Lucifer would show up to help, and Charlie hasn't fully come into her power yet, but that's another post). And he knows it! He knows he's powerful, he knows he's deadly, he knows everyone is shit-scared of him, and that's what he relies on.

And then the finale happens. He's in that final battle, and he's actually put to the test. And in terms of sheer power, for once in his afterlife he isn't the strongest in the room. He's actually outmatched, or at least on an even footing. And if he'd fought like everyone else, then maybe he would have succeeded—if he'd taken Carmilla's advice, I have no doubt that he would have won, or at least held Adam off for long enough that the others could have come and helped him. But he never stood a chance. Because he fights like an angel, and that's why he loses to one. Look at Carmilla's conversation with Vaggie:

"You leave yourself open with every swing; you fight like someone unafraid of harm" "Angels wield no shield, little armour, and fight with reckless abandon"

Remind you of anyone? Rewatch Alastor's fight with Adam—he's fighting just like he always does. He has multiple opportunities to take him out, but, like always, he chooses to play with his food. He's enjoying himself, he's riling Adam up, dancing around him, taunting him. Because at no point does he consider that he could lose this fight—he has no armour, no shield, he didn't even bring an angelic weapon! He just has his trusty radio mic (the source of his power? Perhaps... but that's a discussion for another post) that Adam breaks. And the genuine fear in his eyes, in his voice when that happens? He has no idea what to do. He never even considered this could happen. Everyone else is fighting for their lives, but he was treating this war like simple sport... until suddenly he couldn't.

And speaking of motivation, once again we can look to Carmilla's song to see why he loses when the other, objectively less powerful souls (Husk, Angel, Cherri, hell, even Nifty) succeeded. Yes, they weren't against Adam, but they were still fighting exorcists—you know, the same angels that have been decimating hell's population unchallenged for literal centuries. But they didn't die. Because they were fighting for what they truly believed in, because they had a real reason to not only fight, but to live. I saw it mentioned in this post earlier, and they make such a good point! Charlie's fighting for her dream and for her people; Vaggie's fighting for Charlie; Lucifer for his daughter; Angel, Husk, Pentious and Cherri are all fighting for their friends (something Charlie gave them, btw, but again, that's a different post). But what's Alastor fighting for? Power? Fun? To prove a goddamn point? I think he loses because even he doesn't really know why he's fighting. I mean, listen to Out For Love and tell me it doesn't apply to Alastor just as much as Vaggie:

"I see you're driven by your detestation Your every step is stoked with animus You need a different type of motivation Or there's no way that you can handle this I know you're thirstin' for vengeance, Vaggie You're out for blood But you'll only stand a chance if you're out for love"

Which would bring me onto where I think his plot will go in future seasons (should we get them), but first we need to clear a couple of things up and try to understand his character as best we can. Now here's the thing, I know a lot of people are divided on the topic of Alastor's feelings. Some people say he genuinely cares about the others, while some say he's just putting up a façade and playing the game, and that all of the supposed evidence of his feelings are actually manufactured manipulations. But I think both readings are true, and also, neither of them are.

Because I think Alastor does care about the others, to an extent. But I also think he refuses to acknowledge it, to recognise that part of himself, that he's buried those feelings so deep he doesn't even know that they can exist within him anymore. I think whoever holds his leash (Lilith? The seven year gap is a little too convenient to ignore, but at the same time, now that we know where she is, what's her motivation? Anyway, another post) pushed him towards the hotel for their own purposes, but I also don't think they're particularly checking up on him. I think his mission is to do with Charlie, but I also think he's grown genuinely attached to her over the months they've known each other. Why do I think this? I'm glad you asked!

First off, let's examine his reactions in various key moments throughout the series so far:

This first shot is the most annoyed we see him for the entirety of the song Should Have Stayed Gone, despite singing with one of his (many?) self-proclaimed rivals, Vox. Now yes, he does look moderately peeved, but I would argue that it's much less to do with Vox, and much more to do with the focus on television and his constant fear of irrelevancy (more on that later in this post). Then look at his expressions later—

Now he's enjoying himself, he has that ever-present shit-eating grin we all know and love. And, most crucially, no one else can see his expressions during this song. No one's looking at him in the first pic, and for the rest of the song he's in his radio booth, so it's safe to assume that his expressions are far less guarded than when he knows he's being observed. Why is that important? Well, let's take a look at another Alastor-heavy episode, shall we? That's right, no Alastor analysis would be complete without a delve into Dead Beat Dad, so here we go!

Right off the bat, we're shown his dislike of Lucifer. I know some people say it was all for show, but I disagree. Hear me out—Alastor's smart, no one's arguing otherwise, so why make an enemy of the literal devil just for sport? Now, let me be clear—I don't think he actually sees Charlie as a daughter-figure (at least, not consciously, and certainly not as strongly as he was making out). The thing is, he is good at reading people, and all it took was one look at Lucifer can't-wait-to-break-the-door-down Morningstar for him to realise that Charlie's affection was what mattered the most to him. However, his hatred of Lucifer was not all for show. So why did he hate him? The fact that he hadn't heard of him certainly won't have helped (again, Alastor definitely has a whole complex, we'll get to that), but his loathing started before Lucifer had even spoken to him. How do I know? Take a look at the moment when Lucifer has literally just opened the door

Look at that eye twitch. No one's looking at him. No one can see it. But the sheer, unbridled rage is so evident that he can't quite keep it from his face. And all Lucifer has done is hug his daughter. Now, assuming the two have never interacted before (Lucifer certainly doesn't seem to remember him, and Alastor doesn't act as though they've met) what reason does Alastor have to hate him? If Lilith is his master, perhaps it's on her behalf? But he doesn't seem particularly loyal to whoever holds his leash, far from it, so that leaves us with the two most logical options: either Lucifer is the one holding his leash (not impossible, but I wouldn't say it has much evidence thus far), or Alastor is genuinely opposed to him because of how he's treated Charlie. Because he does care about her, however little he'll admit it to himself.

Just to really hammer this point home, I'd like to show just some of the many other instances of Alastor being genuinely furious with Lucifer over the course of this episode—in fact, seeing as we've already talked about Should Have Stayed Gone, let's constrain ourselves to Hell's Greatest Dad for now, shall we?

All Lucifer has to do is laugh at the start of this song, and just look at Alastor's face! That's anger, or at the very least intense annoyance—with ever-smiling-Alastor, the proof is always in the eyebrows. Then we get this wonderful sequence of expressions while Lucifer begins insulting him:

Oh, and just in case you need a comparison, here's a shot of Lucifer insulting Alastor side-by-side with two different instance of Vox insulting Alastor. And some people still think Vox is his rival and he was just messing with Lucifer?

Now you may say, "Ah, but that's not a fair comparison! Alastor was clearly winning his argument with Vox, whereas he and Lucifer were on a much more even footing!" to which I would reply yes! Exactly! That's why Vox isn't anywhere close to being Alastor's rival, and also at least part of the reason Alastor cared so much when fighting with Lucifer. If winning against Lucifer was as easy as Vox, of course he'd pick that fight. But it wasn't. At the start of Hell's Greatest Dad, he's getting straight up humiliated (as those four waiter-esque pics demonstrate). And yet, he keeps fighting. Partially for pride, I'm sure, but some part of him absolutely cares about the argument he's making.

How do I know that? Well, you see, first of all we take a look at how Alastor acts when he first starts singing. As we all know, Alastor's power lies in his voice—his face was made for radio—and he's (almost) always so much more in control when he's talking, and always in control if his radio filter is in place. In fact, the stronger it is, the more he appears to be taking charge. So, when he first begins to fight back against Lucifer, he immediately puts that Cheshire-Cat-esque façade back into place, quite literally dancing around Lucifer as he does so:

And yet, his energy is so much higher than normal. He's leaping around, his usually calculated movements suddenly far more erratic and energetic than we've seen him. For example, in his first verse alone, he goes though all of this:

Not only is he using far more power, he's become so showy, his expressions are so much more unhinged than even he usually is, his pupils are near-constantly slitted, and, most importantly, take a look at his colour palette. Right at the very start it's still his classic red and black, but then—without Lucifer even interrupting—he gets so invested in convincing Charlie (and, by extension, proving himself better than Lucifer) that he switches to what I have dubbed his Powerful Palette. It only ever happens when he's demonstrating his full abilities; when he's angry at Husk, when he's fighting Adam, when he makes a new deal, and... now. Arguing with Lucifer over who's a better father to Charlie. And while usually it's in brief flashes before he returns to normal, here he stays consistently in his greens and pinks, for a good majority of the song. You don't think that means he really cares, even just a little bit?

And when Lucifer has the gall to interrupt him with his golden fiddle, and just look at Alastor then;

Look at his face, look at his posture. Alastor, notorious for waving his arms around in grand, swooping gestures, is standing there, gritting his fucking teeth, fists clenched, arms folded at what must be an uncomfortable angle. The only time he moves is to concede a tiny step so he can drop a fucking piano on the literal devil.

Now this bit is so interesting, because he, very briefly, seems to believe that he's won, or is at least winning. And even then, he doesn't relax, he doesn't return to his normal colour palette or even his normal expression. He's still furious, you can see it—with Vox, it was a game. This is personal, and then when Lucifer is actually not only fine but still fighting, now playing a new instrument, (literally playing the devil's chord) to deliberately ruin Alastor's melody? Oh that's pure rage.

This first expression is his immediate reaction to it and, perhaps even better, the other two are him trying to contain it. Because he knows he can be seen, but he physically can't look any more collected than that; he can't control his expressions during this song. If he could, he would, because it would irritate Lucifer all the more, and he's more than smart enough to realise that. But neither of them can control themselves here, because both of them really, genuinely, care.

Then he physically places himself in between Charlie and her father, not only pushing him out of the way, but then going so far as to physically drop him out of frame with a gesture reminiscent of a Roman Emperor as he reinstates his claim over Charlie—again, feeding into his need to be relevant and powerful (we're getting to that part, I promise). But isn't it interesting that this time, he didn't even use his power? He pushed Lucifer with his bare hands, not bothering with the intimidating shadows or powerplays, because for once it wasn't about that. For once he wasn't focusing on the person he was fighting, but on the person he was fighting for.

Now this exchange is so interesting. Because Alastor misses a really good opportunity to get Charlie on his side, and I think he misses it purely because he (almost certainly without realising it) gets actually, genuinely offended on behalf of his friends. Because when Lucifer calls the others losers, he's insulting Charlie's family. Knowingly and callously! Right in front of them! And if Alastor was in his right mind, he would have absolutely pointed it out with a fake gasp and a shit-eating grin. But look at the way he reacts to Lucifer's interruption—the narrowed eyes, the tensing of his shoulders, the flexed wrists and clenched hands. That's genuine anger; it's too immediate and out of character to be anything else. Because he didn't intentionally goad Lucifer into saying that. And instead of taking advantage of the opportunity, he responds by, very childishly, asking Lucifer to "butt out" of his song. Because they were Charlie's family first, and he may feign indifference, but he included himself among them for a goddamn reason, and how dare Lucifer insult them like that?

And again, compare how he's moving and standing to how he was in Should Have Stayed Gone. In this gif (and Hell's Greatest Dad as a whole, but let's focus on this bit right now) he's glaring, his shoulders are hunched—he tries for his usual nonchalance by pushing Lucifer out of frame with a swing of his hips, but then is immediately betrayed by his expression, and his reaction the second Lucifer comes back at him. Meanwhile, in Should Have Stayed Gone, this is how he acts while taunting Vox:

He's so much more relaxed, he's visibly having fun, and Vox is the one bending himself out of shape to try and get Alastor's attention win the argument. Another interesting parallel between him and Vox in these numbers is when Vox is clearly losing towards the end of his part in Should Have Stayed Gone, compared to Alastor's first verse in Hell's Greatest Dad.

I mean, these frames are just a little too similar, don't you think? Both of them desperately trying to grab the attention of the subject of the song, duplicating themselves and leaning over the borders to try and be noticed... oh Alastor.

And now, finally, we get onto the bit that I've been promising for this entire post: Alastor's inferiority complex. The thing is, I think I've worked him out (at least, to an extent). We've seen time and again that he hates the idea of being irrelevant—the fact he doesn't like any technology beyond radio (leading to the real reason for his annoyance in that very first picture I used, when he sees everyone gathered around Vox's screens); his reaction when Carmine said she had not in fact, been wondering where he was; his reaction when Lucifer says he's never heard of him; the way he rushes to "remind people why he's here" at the end of Dead Beat Dad, and the fact that when he first arrived he took out all of the overlords who dared to dismiss his power, just to name a few. His fatal flaw is clearly pride—he wants people to know him, he needs to be relevant or he doesn't know who he is.

And I think that's the real reason he hates Lucifer. Because, father-figure or not, the two of them do represent the same position in Charlie's life. But why would she need help from a human soul (albeit an insanely powerful one) when she has a literal angel around to do whatever she wants? Yes, Alastor is powerful, but if Lucifer is back in the picture... well, we all saw it in the finale. Alastor was quite literally fighting for his life, and barely escaped with it, while Lucifer was dancing circles around Adam, shapeshifting, taunting, joking, and all the while he was periodically rescuing Charlie too. His attention wasn't even entirely focused on the battle, and he wasn't even really trying to hurt Adam until the end when shit got personal.

And I also think that's why Alastor got so scared. Because he almost died. As I said right at the start, he fought like an angel. He didn't even consider getting hurt as an option. And now he's having a crisi of mortality, and being powerful and scared is a dangerous combination. So where will his story go from here?

Well, from the fact that he's still at the hotel, I think that's evidence enough that he's being forced to stay with Charlie—despite all the very real evidence we have that he does genuinely care about her (I mean, they way he talks about shaping her to Rosie? The gentle looks, the fact he loaned her his mic? Don't forget how he looked when that got broken, it's clearly so important to him, and he gave it to her twice. Not to mention the whole 'wanting to be relevant in her life' thing that I've been going on about for like, half of this post. Remember what Rosie said about words being easy, but actions are hard? Yeah, he says he doesn't care, but... anyway). So, he's being forced to stay while he looks for an out in his contract with someone. But where does that leave him in the wider story? Well, I do think he'll eventually turn on Charlie and the rest of the gang, but I also think that it'll be temporary. Assuming the crew gets as many seasons as they want to tell the full story (never a guarantee, but here's to hoping) then I think he'll probably stay for a while next season but work against them behind the scenes, then make an open move against them, then be gone for a while, then start his long and arduous journey back into everyone's good graces.

Obviously his deal with Charlie will come into play, and I think he'll probably use it as leverage to get out of his deal. "I'll make Charlie do what you want—without hurting her, or making her hurt anyone else—and I get to be free from this bullshit" kinda thing. I also think it'll be very interesting when that happens, because I have a theory on what he meant by the deal having "clipped his wings"—I don't think he can take anyone's soul anymore. Think about it; we've only seen him even attempt two deals this season, and not even once has he attempted to add a soul to his supposedly ever-growing collection. It would certainly clip an overlord's wings to not be able to amass any more underlings—especially since it seems that the more souls someone owns, the more powerful they are, not just in terms of owning other people, but in actual, tangible power. So I think he'll eventually get out of his deal, and then he'll be free and he'll go utterly off the rails... for a while. But it won't be as fun anymore. Husk and Nifty will have been forced to turn against their friends, and Alastor won't care what they think, because why would he?

Except suddenly he does. Husk's silences suddenly feel a lot more pointed, and Nifty refuses to even look at him, and suddenly he feels something he hasn't felt in a very long time, or perhaps he's never felt it at all. He feels guilt. Regret. He wants friends again, because they were loud and annoying and they didn't respect him but... he'll realise that his affection for them wasn't all for show, not even by half. Because he almost died for them. And even when he's talking about it, scoffing at his own perceived weakness... he calls them his friends.

And that's when the real fun will begin, because the Radio Demon On A Mission will be a force to behold, and god help anyone who gets in his way, because once he figures out the love he's fighting for... oh, he'll be unstoppable.

[good-to-drive]

Abuse, Silence, And Why Kevin Can Fuck Himself

I recently finished watching Kevin Can Fuck Himself on Netflix, and, aside from being the most brutally honest portrayal of domestic abuse I have ever seen, I discovered a beautifully written examination of narrative as power and silence as abuse and how this manifests in our larger culture. 

Without going into too much detail, the show is filmed in two distinct styles that are interleaved throughout each episode to tell a cohesive story. Allison and Kevin’s relationship as seen by the rest of the world is told through a multi-cam, laugh-track sitcom that depicts a very typical “goofy husband, shrewish wife” mainstream comedy. Allison’s life through her own eyes is told through a single-cam drama/thriller about Allison planning to murder Kevin to escape his abuse. 

It’s an absolute masterclass in screenwriting, but more than that, every episode explores the difference between truth, fact, and reality, and how none of these things are quite as much or as little as story. But while the process of transforming the chaotic and plotless reality of life into a story is as involuntary and essential as breathing, misogyny and the degradation of women is just as ubiquitous in our society, and a story that exists at the expense of another person’s lived reality is a refutation of their humanity. 

It's also just a great show for anyone who likes to engage with history (or reality TV or true crime or “real life stories” in general), because while we have to tell ourselves stories about her own lives, we have to tell ourselves stories about other people as well. Eternal silence is narrative death, and the perpetual silence of an unspoken narrative is often the last death we can visit on someone whose story we’d rather ignore. 

I also pulled up some books – Lolita and Disgrace – that dealt with similar themes, but from the perspective of the abuser. And what strikes me the most is that, across three beautifully written stories about narrative and silence within a culture that normalizes abuse, Allison, who began her story within a state of narrative death, was the only point-of-view character who had any chance of surviving. 

One of the main themes of Kevin is that a compelling story is often a story that reinforces what we already believe or like to believe, and while the story may be factual and true it often also exists at the expense of someone's lived reality. The exact same series of events can be a silly joke or a harrowing tale of abuse depending on the lens through which we view it, but historically we've only been willing to see the multicam, laugh track, sitcom perspective on unbalanced relationships.

The alchemical process of turning a series of disjoint facts and experiences into a narrative creates something new and compelling, and erases much of what previously existed. In this way, it’s entirely irreversible. We spin our experiences into a very thin thread, a story we can tell ourselves that elicits something within us, something we need in order to live with the complex, uncertain, and unsatisfying reality of life. In think in many ways the thing we elicit in ourselves is truth. But truth is both more and less than fact, often more a reflection of our own beliefs and desires than the events of our lives. And in telling that truth we may never stray from the facts, but we almost by definition cannot give voice to another person’s reality.

There's a scene in season 2 of Kevin when Allison is hit by a door – a la the classic excuse – because of Kevin’s carelessness. And while he absolutely did not hit her, the way it's written is such an incredible allegory for how Kevin has curated their story and curated their friends' and family’s perceptions of their story such that even if she tells everyone the exact, unvarnished truth of what's happening to her and begs for help, they will only be capable of seeing the laugh-track, sitcom, “Kevin is a harmless goofball and his wife is a total shrew” perspective on the events of their lives. 

As so often happens with abuse, their friends and family saw Allison being hurt because of Kevin. But the alchemy of creating a narrative around Kevin and Allison is irreversible, and the series of events they witness can only be spun together to a joke, an accident, a silly, childish mistake. Allison’s reality, Allison’s pain and fear, is completely elided. Like a lost sound in the middle of a sentence, her experience goes silent, and their larger understanding of her relationship never has to change. And you feel so acutely how Allison lives her entire life in that silence. 

Storytelling is human, it’s essential, there’s no other way to engage with our own lives. And it’s not lying. It’s never lying to tell the truth. But it doesn’t reflect every reality, either, because another person’s reality can’t be reflected within our own narrative, because that’s what it means to be another person. To spin two different threads.

And because narrative is the essential process by which we understand our reality, denying someone their own narrative, or denying that this narrative be heard, is inherently abusive. To allow someone a voice is to give them humanity, and to suppress it is to strip that humanity away. 

Disgrace, by J.M. Coetzee, follows the story of a professor, David, who rapes a student and then fails to protect his daughter, Lucy, from being raped by intruders in their home. He destroys his daughter’s life  – not through failing to protect her, but through twisting her rape into a story about why the rape of his student wasn’t wrong. The main theme of the book is generally considered to be exploitation, but Coetzee doesn’t deal with the exploitation of the rape. That’s too direct, too immediate, too easy for the reader to understand as misogynistic and wrong. Rather, Coetzee delves into “the innocuous-seeming use of another person to fill one's gentler emotional needs” (Ruden).

The rape is how we understand David as a fundamentally exploitative person, a person who denies others their humanity by converting them into a vessel for his own desires, who erases their voice in order to speak through them and give himself the things he needs. And that’s how we recognize that the way he absorbs and claims the stories of his daughter and his student is another kind of violation of their humanity. Another way of turning women into vessels for men’s pain and fear and need. 

What’s fascinating is that David's student finds her voice – files a complaint against him – and is eventually able to continue with her life. The woman he raped is less damaged by him than his own daughter, because she was the woman he couldn’t permanently silence. 

In Lolita, another brilliant novel about abuse, dehumanization, and storytelling, Humbert turns to the reader at the end and says, “Imagine us, reader, for we don’t really exist if you don’t.” 

It’s not that Humbert knew he was fictional, but that he knew everyone was fictional. Believed the entire world only truly existed in his own mind, because anything beyond that was irrelevant to his needs. He coped with the collapse of his ability to dehumanize Dolores (who he called Lolita) by demanding that his voice be resurrected. Demanding immortality. Demanding his narrative exist in another person’s world, and thereby be given the existence and humanity that Allison and Dolores and Lucy and David’s student were denied. 

Pushing his needs, finally, onto the reader, because we are the only person he has left, and a person like him can only exist through the use of another. In that way, Humbert was powerless. In that way, Kevin and David were powerless, too.

In Disgrace, David’s dream is to write an opera, and at the end of the book he realizes he’ll never finish his magnum opus. He’ll never be able to terminate the process of converting himself, his world, into a story. But he does learn to decenter himself in that narrative. And it’s when he loses all fear of death, and any conception of the self, that he gains the ability to give dogs – who he generally equates to women – a voice within his opera, his life’s work. 

It’s in death that we discover our true unimportance as human beings, that we learn to let go of vanity and our conception of the self entirely. And David had degraded women so thoroughly in order to justify how he used them to meet his own emotional needs that it was only in losing all value for his own life that he could gain the ability to see them as equal voices. To actually put those voices into his own life story. It's at the cost of himself that he allows other people to truly exist, in the death of the self that he finally allows the world to exist outside of himself. It’s almost a positive character arc. Almost.

When Kevin finally loses the ability to abuse Allison, he, like many abusers, loses all desire to live. His world was built on a structure of superiority and inferiority, on beings and vessels, on the inherent value of men and the inherent meaninglessness of women’s lives. The system on which he based his entire reality has been destroyed by Allison’s declaration of the self. And, if he was a being because she was a vessel, then in losing the ability to treat her as a vessel, to fully and completely dehumanize her, he has lost his own humanity. 

It may be perfectly summed up here: “Become major. Live like a hero. That's what the classics teach us. Be a main character. Otherwise, what is life for?” (Coetzee).

If you’re not to be a main character, if there indeed is no split between major and minor characters, between people and the paper dolls that populate their story, between living beings and the vessels into which they pour their need – what is life for?

Nothing. At least, not for people whose narrative must exist at the expense of another. 

And that’s why I say that only a narrator like Allison could survive this kind of story. Despite beginning her story trapped in eternal silence, her reality fully elided no matter how immediate and obvious it became, Allison was the only point-of-view character of any of these three stories who didn’t establish her power through the degradation of another. Who didn’t conceptualize the world via being and vessels. Whose narrative didn’t exist, by necessity, at the expense of another person’s humanity. Whose thread could exist in a larger tapestry without destroying her sense of self.

Don’t get me wrong, she’s not generally a likable character. She’s misogynistic, cruel, selfish, jealous, desperate, afraid, and in pain. Like anyone in an abusive relationship, she’s not at her best, and she’s often pushed to do things that are ugly and disturbing because she’s simply been pushed too far. 

But, for me, the power in her character is in how her last scene never felt like a final scene. Her story didn’t have to be killed, her conception of the self didn’t have to be killed, in order to reveal the brutal reality of stories twisting and intertwining without any inherently superior truth or narrative among them. Allison’s story was one of declaring herself. And that’s why it didn’t feel like it ended at the end. Instead, this felt like a beginning.

[pwurrz]

being obsessed with yakumo is a job and baby i’ve never called in a sick day!!!!!

[ty-bayonet-betteridge]

3l!grian is frequently depicted as a tragic figure and sometimes i wonder if we even watched the same series

[krotiation]

Love how most Timothy fans collectively agree that his hair in bl3 should have been longer

[xxplastic-cubexx]

sorry if you've already mentioned but what (re?)ignited your love of comics/x-men/cherik? curious because there are so many different adaptations of them

i think im gonna speak for a few (or a lot of) people when i say that TL;DR the wolverine x deadpool movie that came out this summer is what pulled me back into comics and i COULD leave it there but i will go into excruciating and unnecessary detail instead because i love an origin story and i love oversharing.

under the cut tho because im nice sometimes (there's also wxdp doodles in here. if you want to see that)

ironically (and probably commonly), growing up i was more of an avengers kid. Kinda. Loosely <- binge watched the cartoons and movies and read copious amounts of comics and fics and i am hoarding fanart in my old dresser as we speak ok 'loosely' is a modest lie.

embarrassingly i remember getting into discus cause of captain america LMAO so yeah needless to say i was a Humble Fan- me joining my school's comic class/club didnt help either (shoutout to my teach from that she was the realest one out there for. A Multitude of reasons). she definitely is was inspires me to even draw still and make comics and i often think bout the tips i learned from her class tbh she was great

back to the movies t and comics tho, i got into em because my brother would offer to take me and that's how we'd hang out (i rarely saw movies in theaters and i even more rarely went anywhere as a teenager. still kinda like that today tbh ooops) and yk. it just snowballed after that.

my brother and i have always liked comics- he just more than me for a while (though he still very much loves comics and As We Know From My Posts we still talk about them whenever i see him To An Exhausting Degree)

durin then i was really into stony and i have a few surviving doodles i made but those are between me and god. and anyone who asks tbh LOL

'snap can you make this related to x-men again this is long' ok so fast forward to This Summer again I Still Don't Really See Movies but my brother offered to take me and this was the first time i'd actually seen an x-men movie in full

as a kid i only remember seeing the 'perfection' scene between erik and raven in first class while i was channel surfing. pretty sure i changed the channel after seeing mystique naked cause i was scared my parents would get mad at me if they caught me watching it LOL

BUT MOVING ON As A Kid i think it's also natural you'll sometimes watch 92 if it's on And I Did though evidently it didn't stick too hard (i do remember really liking beast and gambit though.... still do really): my knowledge of x-men was. INCREDIBLY sparse. like diabolically so so i didnt have too much expectations (aside from the fact i vaguely liked deadpool beforehand).

tbh i dont know why my bro never took me to see any of the x-men movies. it's not like he doesn't Also like x-men (90% sure nightcrawler's his favorite but my brother will be caught dead saying he has absolute favorites like that)- he owns a bitch load of deadpool comics/omnibus sets too (of which ive read over the years and reread this year) but Shrug moving on

Much Like Most Of The Internet i fell down the rabbit hole that way. i have some doodles i made a couple days after seeing WxDP that i now have an excuse to throw at all of you Look And Perceive

and so. As I Do. i got curious and told myself i'd binge watch all the x-men movies the week before i went back to school And Then I Did ft. My Brother Sometimes and then i said i'd binge watch all of '92 and And I Did That ft. My Brother Sometimes But Less So and now we're here. currently watching Evolution...

once i got to school i realized i lived near a comic shop and started getting into the comics that way (the first ones i got since going down this rabbit hole was Magneto Was Right!, The Resurrection of Magneto, and The Trial of Magneto. if you were curious !!!!! clearly i didnt care too much about context i just needed to see My Guy jelvejlkvj i have no regrets and Evidently ive read more since)

i'm pretty sure what dragged me into cherik specifically was the fact i saw a clip of The Famous ending to 92 where erik's aghast at the notion jean even has to question his love for charles. i think that was what officially had me refocus my lens on them: not a single poolverine thought after that LOL (all the cherik posting i saw on twitter definitely helped too but that was the nail in the coffin for any other interests i had: i was locked into cherik and x-men in general now)

that clip specifically, i was surprised at the fact they- frequently even- have the x-men franchise say erik loves charles and vice versa so bluntly. even if it's not meant to be romantic, i fear im just a fan of how casually the word's thrown around with them two and i got tender bout it all. Then Yk. i just live for the drama. the hilarity even. the sincerity .... they make me sick if i think of them too long so im gonna end it here

before i go tho ironically enough, the first x-men issue i owned was This one (story a this is that while stuck in some wacko dimension charles accidentally gets himself trapped in logan's mind while utilizing his astral projection. if you were curious). pretty sure i got it for free with another comic set i got years ago since our old comic shop loved to do that, but it's poetic aint it. maybe ill doodle something referencing it..

i should probably look into finishing this arc someday im Dummy curious to even know how it started and how it ends.....

[sadgirlautumn]

idk idk idk I just don’t get why some fans took this album as a personal attack!! Even in the songs where she alludes to people judging her in general I really took it as “wow she must trust us so much to share this with us.” And if you took it personally then you either need to take a step back or maybe you should actually take it personally and maybe realize why your invasion into Taylor’s personal relationships can actually cause harm to her.

[bizlybebo]

hey guys. does anyone think about xavier and jade hahahah

[storm-of-feathers]

damn why did i stop being an alcoholic being drunk rules actually i dont feel a single OUNCE of my burdens. i just feel the wine. and its pink.

[gu6chan]

maybe its sample bias but i think it's kinda funny how most people I've seen who've played drakengard because of nier are making ending e THE endgoal and more often than not the main if not only reason they're playing the game at all and when they finally get it they're like "this is it the single most impactful, greatest moment of all gaming. im wiping tears from my eyes this is it" and then you see the drakengard fans who've played drakengard because they like drakengard and you ask them about ending e and they're like "eh. it was okay, i guess"

[badolmen]

If I made a video essay covering every episode arc and the overall storyline and themes of Darker than Black would that be too self indulgent?

[bragganhyl]

feeling the urge to delete my fics lol

[violetsareblue-selfships]

good morning!! <3