#this is catnip to my brain you understand

[trifoliate-undergrowth]

eternally obsessed with the fact that there’s a scene in Death Rides a Horse where the 2 main guys are not at church on sunday and just silently stare at each other across a mostly empty street while the good churgoers of the town sing hymns from down the street like they actually gave us this

question to anyone especially if you have no idea what this movie is about. what is Bill’s expression here. I am going to hazard an “he is having his weekly religious crisis” and perhaps “he wants to rip God to shreds with his bare hands and feels guilty about it”

[mayapapaya33]

It makes me really sad that everyone agrees with Percy either explicitly or implicitly when he says that Orthax is his fault and that he's a bad person who made a bad choice, when from what I understand of Percy's own account, he was taken advantage of in his sleep by a demon in his most vulnerable, desperate hour. His family was brutally murdered in front of him, he was tortured, he escaped into a frigid river, then homeless and hungry, he was sleeping in the streets, having horrific nightmares, and a demon traipsed through his brain, posing as a dream, to offer him revenge. He thought it was a dream! He didn't even remember it properly until the black smoke started pouring off of him. I feel like things you agree to IN A DREAM should NOT be legally binding!!!

In TLOVM Orthax says that Percy summoned him with his pain and his anger. That's NOT the same thing as ACTUALLY summoning a demon with intent!!! He didn't draw any glyphs or use any components to do a ritual, he was literally just suffering so intensely that it was like a catnip beacon to a demon.

It affects the rest of his life, every major decision he ever makes. He decided to sign the contract in the Hells to spare anyone else because he felt he was already damned, his soul tarnished, and he deserved his fate. That it wasn't worth risking anyone else's soul and he was the most expendable one. He thought he was fundamentally flawed or weak because the demon chose him, he somehow let the demon into him or attracted it to him. His conversation with the Matron of Ravens broke my heart. "Did it choose me because I was broken, or did it break me?"

Maybe if someone had sat down with him and talked with him about it, he would be able to let go of some of that guilt. But no one ever did. They agreed with him and the demon that he was responsible. They all forgave him and love him of course, but that's different from thinking it was never his fault in the first place. The personal responsibility aspect is the sticking point here. He's made poor decisions of course, And I don't think this would excuse him from the consequences of his inventions, the Pepperbox and Bad News are still his, but I am specifically talking about the demon deal that happened in his dream that led him on the path of Vengeance in the first place.

Not to mention the symbolism of Percy literally being taken advantage of in his sleep then victim blamed about it for the rest of his life. Idk, it just rubs me the wrong way, maybe I'm overthinking it, I just feel bad for him. Someone give that boy a hug!

[cedarxwing]

The ending of Hannibal the novel explained

(aka the breastfeeding scene)

Here's the passage (end of Chapter 101):

I thought everyone was kidding about the breastfeeding kink jokes until my partner read Hannibal and the whole ending flew over their head. Their main takeaway was "that was weird." When I checked reddit, it seemed everyone was confused there too. I was gobsmacked to see one guy say that Thomas Harris was playing some cruel joke on the reader by writing an ending that didn't make sense!

How many people are reading Hannibal like this, completely missing the resolution to Hannibal's character arc? They must finish the book confused about what it was all about in the first place. So here's how I understand it!

First, I need to get this out of the way: a lot of people hate this scene, and from what I understand it's because they're weirded out by the "breastfeeding kink." Which is fine, but it makes me want to gently hold them by the hand and tell them that it's ok for someone to suck on a nipple. It happens all the time. Sometimes it just feels good, sometimes it's part of a breastfeeding fantasy, and sometimes it's literal breastfeeding. Between consenting adults, this is all fine and normal. Let's all move past this knee-jerk repulsion (or alternatively, sit in our discomfort and expand our horizons) so we can analyze this piece of art together. :)

Next, authors LOVE Freudian psychoanalysis. Even though it's all nonsense, it's full of literary allusion and makes for compelling narratives and character studies (childhood maladjustment, repressed memories, etc), which is basically catnip for a writer. Thomas Harris was no exception, and probably creamed himself (as I did) when he learned that Freud's oral-sadistic stage was also termed the "cannibalistic stage," referring to the time when an infant is growing teeth and begins to bite at the breast--the psychosexual urge to devour and destroy the thing you love. What could be more appropriate for Hannibal?

Next, consider the pattern of Hannibal's Il Mostro murders. He killed young couples in one of the most romantic cities in the world, then arranged them as Chloris and Zephyr from Botticelli's Primavera, exposing Chloris's left breast just like in the painting. In classical art, an exposed breast is often a symbol of fertility. Chloris is associated with spring, new growth, and transformation.

Perhaps, at the time, Hannibal rationalized these murders as retribution for rude behavior. Maybe the couples were performing disgusting PDA. Maybe they were obnoxious tourists on their honeymoons. Either way, it's clear to the reader that Hannibal has some deep-seated hang up about sex and romance.

The particulars of this hang up are open to interpretation, but based on Hannibal's obsession with the rape and transformation of Chloris as well as his embarrassment at the paintings of Leda and the Swan in the German's house, I think it's safe to say that Hannibal feels like any relationship he has with a woman who isn't aware of his true (monstrous) identity would involve a degree of violence/lack of consent. He is forever barred from normal romance.

Having given up on sex/romance, Hannibal is unable to consciously recognize his desire for Clarice, so he sublimates it into a more general familial love. He longs for a return to innocence, to return to the time before he ate Mischa and became an unlovable monster (cue the teacup metaphor).

But even familial love seems like too much to hope for, so he sublimates it further into something that seems more attainable: resurrecting the person whom he loved and devoured, and who loved him in turn (Mischa) through Clarice.

So we have the breast as a symbol of sex/fertility (Chloris/Clarice), as an object that is loved and devoured (Mischa), and as a literal source of sustenance that must be given up during infancy (mommy).

Big brain Clarice connects all these dots and, in the very same style of therapy that Hannibal has been using on her, distills Hannibal's psychological problems into a single poetic gesture that completely fixes Hannibal in an instant, proving that she's not only his intellectual equal, but is, in some ways, his superior.

When Clarice asks, "Did you ever feel that you had to relinquish the breast to Mischa? Did you ever feel you were required to give it up for her?", she's ostensibly asking Hannibal if he's stuck in the oral stage of childhood development (which yeah he probably is). On a deeper level, she's asking Hannibal to consider if he's given up on love.

When Clarice exposes her breast in the same fashion as Chloris, says, "You don’t have to give up this one", and suspends the drop of wine from her nipple, she is shifting his perception of her breast from familial devoured sustenance to a sexual object. Basically, "Why do you want me to pretend I'm your sister when we could be banging?" Hannibal is being aged out of his childlike mindset, not regressing into one.

There are other layers of meaning in this act. The hedonism of using thousand dollar wine for food play is a sign of Clarice's character development. The way Hannibal kneels before Clarice is a position of subservience, but could also be interpreted as devouring Clarice in a way that's new to him. It's the most self-actualized thing Hannibal has done since escaping prison (LOL) and marks the end of his hero's journey (as one of the first things we see him do in Hannibal Rising is nurse).

Personally, I don't read this scene as breastfeeding kink. Yeah, Clarice talks about breastfeeding, but that was more a metaphor for other stuff. Considering the direction of Hannibal's character arc, I understand this scene as him briefly licking the wine off before they have sex. But to each their own! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

ANYWAY, yeah, it's unsettling. It's obviously meant to be. But it's beautifully unsettling! Hate it all you want, but this is peak cannibal romance, to me!!

[av1xtg]

It's so funny to me that it's so obvious when I get a new hyperfixation because everything everywhere for example tis blog suddenly turns to what ever hyperfixation I have. . .

NOW I WANNA TALK ABOUT HUSK AND MY HEADCANONS FOR HIM BECAUSE THAT SILLY GRUMPY OLD-MAN CAT IS TAKING OVER MY BRAIN (contains a bit of huskerdust and bad grammar because english is not my first language but I have no respect for it so /j)

So I fully headcanon that husk has the most un organised and dirty room for some reason, like he never even bothered decorating it.

He hates baths and oils and stuff like that because it's really hard to take off from his wings and fur.

He refused to wash his hands with water and he cleaned his hands like cats do before eating food or serving drinks so charlie forced him to at least use wet wipes (idk how to write tht but hope you understand it)

He loves old fashioned love songs, usually mumbles some lyrics he still remebers while working and the others like to hear his singing.

The fluffies fluff ever, he doesn't really use any products (only dry shampoo from time to time) AND STILL HIS FUR IS EXTREMLY FLUFFY.

He got extremly bad body dismorfia when he arrived at hell.

The others tease him alot whenever he does any cat sounds.

Instead of a glass of water on his nightstand he had a bottle of whiskey or any other alcohol.

If he's in the mood (and charlie asks nicely + a day off) he might do some magic tricks to entretain the other guests.

Whenever he speaks spanish he always calls evryone pendejo (as a mexican that is also my favorite curse word I gotta add that). Like him and vaggie are fighting and she desn't know he speaks apanish so she starts insuting him in spanish and he goes "CALLATE LA PINCHE BOCA PENDEJA TUERTA" (traduction: SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU FUCKING ONE EYED WOMAN) and she shuts up because she didn't expect that. (Now they speak in spanish together sometimes)

One time Sr. Pentious gave him catnipp because angeldust dared him to and husk went WILD. Like everyone was laughing nd half th hotel was filled with cat scratchs while husk followed Sr.Pentious who was escaping with the catnip in hand from him kind of wild.

He wants hugs and he won't admitt it.

Used to be a bit to proud as an overlord which is also half the reason why he lost to alastor.

Fucker cries a lot and won't admitt it because he already stablished to everyone that "I don' give a shit about anything and fuck y'all" and now he just can't.

He falls asleep a lot during work because he is drunk.

He owns a phone but uses it like a grandma, he puts on the glasses to read and everything

He once had a very bad night and got EXTREMELY DRUNK and ended up doing a karaoke with charlie and Sr Pentious.

Alastor would ocationaly take him to the Overlords meetings as his "body guard" and he would get extrembly embarrased because everyone recognised him and he knew they all thought of him as a failure for being an Overord who lost his own soul to Alastor and was now forced to obey him.

Thanks to loser,baby I think Husk may be a pet names man (affectionatelly both romantic and just with friends)

Husk reminds me a bit of "No surprises" by radiohead (i don't really know how to explain it but yeah)

I think his relationship with angel (romantically speaking) would be really gentle like, cuddles, hugs, little kisses, cause he wants to show that romantic relationships don't always need to have sex included (angel appretiates that)

I feel like they told each other their felling for the other but bth came to the conclution that maybe they are not in the best mental state to get into a relationship at the moment so they asked charlie and vaggie to help a bit.

I have more but this is getting a bit long so I'll make a part two!!!!!!!

(Have some photos of the silly 70 yr old grumpy cat-man)

[blindmagdalena]

something thats been itching my brain so i decided to tell you.

homelander with a partner thats just as intense as he is, we know man gets jealous, (baby teddy anyone) so him with a partner that gets equally as jealous? or even better equally as violent as him? , how would he be in that kindve relationship.

i read somewhere that he was like a black hole sucking in everything he could get, so how about him with a partner that is just the same?

yesssss YESSSS i really love stories where the leads are equally insane, equally possessive, and equally consumptive of the other. matching Homelander's energy would cause him to escalate. make him think he's not wrong for the intensity of his love, or the twisted ways he expresses it.

he would fall deeper in love. someone who understands him, who expresses themselves like he does, who gets insane and protective and vicious over the taste of his love. Homelander's not someone who's used to being pursued, who's attention is coveted to the same level by the same people he covets. that's like catnip to him.

i've been noodling on a sequel for Don't Fret, Precious ( I'm Here ) for a long time since, spoiler alert, the reader is lowkey just as off their rocker as he is. that whole fic is sort of them slowly learning the depths of the other, and how saturated in blood BOTH of their hands really are.

i think a follow-up where they explore that together, and they're both less afraid to be insane with each other, would be a ton of fun. i've been itching to write a yandere x yandere type fic for ages, and i think that fic really laid the perfect groundwork for something like that lol

[lily-alphonse]

your ancient gold biland post has captivated me 👀

HELL YEAH

Eiland x Balor (check out the original post here) are so good. I actually have so many ideas for them, even at just 4 hearts I think I have enough background to work with.

For one, Balor is the only character so far that has even a hint of a troubled past (which is like catnip to me I zeroed in on him right away lol). Besides the very obvious giant scar on his chest he has a line: "Elsie speaks fondly of the Capital, but that place only holds bad memories for me" ohoho when I read that I got lazer eyes like you wouldn't believe.

Eiland on the other hand is so naive and full of wonder about the world. He pushes for adventure even where it might be dangerous. He pushes even when those below his station try to argue with him, like he does with Errol. He's actually a bit of spoiled brat in that sense (I say with no hate, I love a complex character). He doesn't want to hear about how reopening the mines might be dangerous, he wants adventure and cool artifacts!

So already we have one approach, where Balor might harbor a bit of disdain for Eiland at first. He's a spoiled Capital brat who doesn't understand the work that goes into procuring his merchandise, stuff like that. Maybe they butt heads about that and its rivals to lovers. OR hatefuck to lovers, because Balor sees an opportunity to put Eiland in his place via domination. Or like I suggested in my original post Eiland just ends up with a crush on him because he's rugged and mysterious and worldly, and Balor sees easy prey in the innocent dork.

No matter how it starts, I think where things would really develop is as they uncover more about the other person.

Balor learns that Eiland actually grew up pretty neglected, and expected to meet a specific mold established for him long ago. Try as he might he never could outmatch his sister, who everyone compared him to. He felt really lost until he found his purpose in studying archaeology and architecture, and it was like a switch flipped within him. He wouldn't let anyone try to tell him what to do with his life anymore. He would speak up for what he wanted, because he had wasted so much of his life already doing what was expected of him (hence where the brattiness comes from).

Eiland learns from Balor that the world is not fair, and a darker place than he imagines. I don't want to speculate about Balor's potential trauma but I imagine it would make Eiland view the Capital and maybe even his family in a different light. Actually it might give him a new passion for making things right in the world now, rather than getting lost in the past and treating it like a different world.

I think they'd level each other out, with Balor grounding Eiland and Eiland giving him hope and whimsy. They would absolutely have dorky moments together. Imagine the Dnd night where Balor takes over as DM except behind the scenes they have recently gotten together, and Eiland is so proud of him for taking over. But Balor is lovingly exasperated with his silly archaeologist boyfriend who keeps trying to avoid fighting lmao.

WE NEED BILAND! Let me know what yall think

PS Check out this lovely fanart that inspired the first post. I dont think its meant to be ship art but it instantly had a gay lightbulb going off in my brain

[jankandjonch]

Stretch

words: ~900 content warnings: negative self image, plus size!reader, nakey josh

____________________________________________________

You’d woken up long before him, he’s still been sleeping in late since he got home from the road. His body still in recovery mode. You had kissed him good morning, as you always did - awake or not - and made your way downstairs to start on his laundry. You made and ate breakfast, cleaned the kitchen, and made your way back to the bedroom with the first dried load.

“You look so fucking good in my clothes, baby,” his voice was gruff, he’s tired and sore and longing for you. Again.

You glanced down at the shirt that you had grabbed from the floor after you got out of bed this morning. You noticed, then, how it stretched across your belly. Remembering in a flash how loose it fit on Josh, you feel your shoulders deflate. Your insecurity festering in your brain, reverberating his words, making yourself hear them in a negative tone. You know better than that. He loves you, he makes that more than clear every day. He made it crystal clear last night in that bed, loving every handful of you he grabbed.

“Hey,” he grunts, “you hear me?”

You’re still facing away from him, folding his socks and placing them in his drawer, and give him a nod in response.

“Then c’mere, lemme take it off. It was an invitation, yanno?,” he giggled, not seeing your face and not understanding where your head had taken you.

“Doing laundry,” you replied softly, picking up the now empty basket and walking back out of the bedroom.

He pouted to himself, giving a loud yawn and stretching out in the bed. He assumed you had gotten your fill of him last night, closing his eyes and remembering every shape he’d put you in. His fingertips danced delicately along his torso, your favorite place to grab onto him. You find him this way when you re-enter the room, sheets long gone so he’s stretched in all his glory. Naked, smooth, soft, his cock half way hard and still resting on his right thigh. You watch him run his fingers over his skin, envious that he feels nothing but love when he does so.

“Sure you don’t want to join me?,” one of his eyes peel open to look up at you, smirk across his lips. So he did hear you come back in.

You can’t resist his warm presence, it draws you in like catnip. You find yourself climbing back into the bed before you even processed his question, your bare thigh brushing against his as you sit up on your knees by his side, hands immediately reaching out to touch him. Your fingers replace his, brushing along the tame trail of hair below his navel. He hums in approval, you watch as his cock jumps slightly in approval too. His eyes are on your face, his favorite face. So beautiful, so sweet. He notices the groove between your eyebrows, though, where they’re slightly scrunched together.

“Your mind isn’t here with me, darling,” his hand grabs yours to stop your movements. Lacing his fingers with yours, bringing them to rest just above his hammering heart. “What’s this frown for, huh?”

You lean down to kiss him, hoping to sweeten your way right around this conversation. You know he won’t let it go, but you’re hoping you can stave it off for later. When you’re not in the throws of these emotions, not biting back tears.

“You know how bad I love you?,” he speaks the words in a slur against your mouth.

“I love you so much,” your voice cracks halfway through, shattering your illusion - what little you thought to have.

“C’mon, have a seat. Let’s chat, shall we?,” he’s moving to sit up, patting his bare thighs to show you where your seat is located.

“I’m fine here,” you mumble, hands still skirting across his warm skin.

“No, you’re not. Come to me. Connect with me, my beautiful girl,” a hand brushes through your hair, snagging on a tangle and for some reason that’s it. Your resolve crumbles and your eyes flood with tears. No longer a choice, he tugs you in by his shirt and pulls you against his chest, your thighs having no option but to part over his.

He holds you like this for a while, letting your tears come slowly, then in a rush of a wave, and slowing again. His hands rubbing your back the entire time, gathering your hair to one side, allowing himself to tuck his face against your neck. It’s you that breaks the silence.

“I’m really sorry if I stretched out your shirt, I know it’s your favorite,” you keep your face hidden against his shoulder, not wanting to face the embarrassment of this situation.

“My pretty baby,” he forces your head away from his body, bringing your forehead to his, eyes boring into yours. He glides his cold fingers over the flush of your cheek, lingering for a moment to brush across your lips, finding purchase as they wrap around the side of your neck. Holding you tightly, close to him, possessive. “I’d be upset if you didn’t.”

You shake your head, closing your eyes and your forehead rubs against his, trying to pull away from him. His hand on your neck keeps you steady.

“Stretching you out is the best part of my day, it’s only fair,” he smirks, pulling you in for a gentle kiss. Rejoicing as he feels you smile against his lips.

[ineffectualdemon]

I need you to understand that when I say "oh a new special interest" I'm lying

My special interest is stories

It's how stories work

How narratives work

What they do and how they make us feel and what they tell us about themselves

I am, and always have been, obsessed with the concept of stories

Which is why Scum Villain's Self Saving System and Omniscient Reader's Viewpoint are fucking catnip to my brain

[arwainian]

Reading This Week 2024 #38

hello hello! audiobook reading persists into this week and for the forseeable future. basically any time that i have the bandwidth to be reading a physical book with my eyes i think "oh i should be working on my thesis" so audiobooks are what is keeping me from just sinking into a pile of work and never emerging

Finished:

Bloom Into You, Vol. 4-5 by Nakatani Nio, translated by Jenny McKeon this manga continues to rule, giving me my cute romance fix

Ancillary Sword by Ann Leckie, narrated by Adjoa Andoh i'm liking that while this is like the sequel to Ancillary Justice, this was a pretty self contained story. Breq i love you. love the further exploration of ancillary-ship and imperialism and had a good chat with a friend about similarities to elements of Murderbot (we looked up publishing dates so if there was any inspiration taken, Imperial Radch came first)

Squire written by Nadia Shammas and Sara Alfageeh, art by Sara Alfageeh i felt a little undersold on the friendships the protagonist made in this, but the art was amazing the whole way through

Happy New Year by kathkin on ao3

from a clear sky by kathkin on ao3

Survivor Injustice: State-Sanctioned Abuse, Domestic Violence, and the Fight for Bodily Autonomy by Kylie Cheung, narrated by Dana Wing Lau a weird thing that's happened since i've dedicated my research brain to sexual violence is that any book written with an even slightly wider audience in mind very quickly becomes a bit tedious bc I've read all of this before. however i do think the portions of this that are about domestic violence and controlling how people vote, and the prevelance of sexual violence across all political parties in the US was the most worth the read part of this book for me

The Wicked + The Divine, Vol. 2: Fandemonium written by Kieron Gillen, art by Jamie McKelvie holy shit?? excited to read the next volume (tho i think i'm going to switch the the Big volumes that collect 10 issues at a time insted of the ones with 5-6)

Last Night at the Telegraph Club by Malinda Lo, narrated by Emily Woo Zeller really excellent YA lesbian historical fiction/romance set in Red Scare era san francisco chinatown. really nicely balances the protagonist finding herself, finding community, and finding love, with a realistic depiction of what life was like for a young lesbian during an intensely homophobic era

my real face by kathkin on ao3

Started/Ongoing:

Rethinking Rape by Ann J. Cahill reading for my thesis! my undergrad college gets a shout out in the acknowledgements

Most Ardently by Gabe Cole Novoa, narrated by Harrison Knights ya romance remix of pride and prejudice where "Elizabeth" is actually a trans boy, Oliver Bennet. i think it's sweet but i have one issue with the book generally and one issue with the narrator. first, since i'm familiar with pride and prejudice and have read/watched a few different adaptations at this point, i'm finding the pacing of this book a bit odd. like the disastrous darcy proposal happens 75% of the way through instead of closer to the middle. this throws me off because it means there's gonna be less time afterward to build toward Oliver and Darcy actually understanding each other than i think they deserve. my issue with the audiobook is that Knights has some very distinct character voices, and yet sometimes reads lines with the wrong voice, and no one at the publisher noticed? you can't read one of Jane's lines with the lispy voice you gave Lydia and not expect me to be completely thrown out of the book. however, i do like hidden identity stuff, so the parts of the book where Oliver knows Darcy both as himself Oliver and when he is closeted/girlmoding as Elizabeth is like catnip to me up to a certain point

[aprillikesthings]

Me, when Spop came out: I mean, this should be catnip (pun intended) to me. But I’m busy obsessing over a fake kpop group from a video game ha ha

Me: I mean I like She-Ra. Don’t get me wrong. I’m just not hyperfixated. You know how it is. Can’t force it. I like it A Normal Amount, which is weird

—four years go by—

My brain, the past few days: I need a new hyperfixation

Me: gay pirates? historical clothing? any of the number of books I have bought and not read?

My brain: NOOOOOO I want angsty animated lesbians

Me: Understandably! Arcane’s second season is out this fall but uhhh—

My brain: —CATRADORA!!!!

Me: it’s a bit late for that don’t you think

My brain: AHAHAHA TOO BAD

[afaramir]

8 and 10 for the ask meme please!

hi anon!! thank u for the ask <3 ive answered these before but also they're ones that have many many answers so here goes!! questions from this ask game

8. favorite thing to write?

established relationship baby!! it's my most used additional tag on ao3 and for good reason. look i love a good will they won't they getting-together fic but idk...to me there are only so many blueprints of that and also it takes me. a while. to get through writing it because i am very committed to creating a timeline of attraction that feels realistic to me and that requires significant dedication. so a lot of times it's a lot more fun for me to jump right into the middle and say hey okay ur with me they're together. but how does it work. how do they handle the situation du jour and how does their devotion to each other come into play. good stuff fr

10. what is something you really want to write but haven't written yet?

the spectre deleted script mallorytanner edition rewrite...you guys there is SO MUCH potential in there. i can't even get into it without sounding crazy. there's this ridiculous parallel of 'james bond kidnapping the current m' that is just catnip for the incredible guilt complex that i've developed for tanner to have over letting m (mansfield) die. theres a GALA i fucking LOVE the "seeing your love interest in formalwear" trope ive had that scene drafted for like over a year. there's mallory taking his tie off and arming himself for battle do u understand that that exact image has lived inside of my brain and ONLY inside of my brain for YEARS. there's "one man can't sweep back this tide"/"who says i'm alone?" and seeing all of the mi6 admin squad working together rather than going round undermining mallory's authority. anyway. i just feel incredibly robbed that i didn't get to see any of that on screen so instead i want to write it to give myself some of the satisfaction. without any context this totally sounds insane but someday i will write the fic and you will understand.

[clinicallyinsanedumpsterrabbit]

i want info on cryptnip pls oh pls

Ask and you shall receive :3

Cryptnip, in my goopy little brain its basically just catnip but it effects cryptids, with various effects based on species of cryptid but they are all generally calming with similar effects to actual catnip

They look like fiddleheads ferns but red, like this

They typically grow in eerie areas, like crypts, catacombs and generally places someone might've died and have been buried with little to no light in the environment, they can grow with pretty low amounts of soil or small gravel, anywhere they can anchor roots in, they don't produce seeds, they produce spores like the actual ferns so the spores can be transported into those dark areas thanks to airflow

Before the invention of human architecture they'd grow in caves where animals passed on, their basically cryptid plant-ness feeding off the fading life forces of the dead and converting it back into mailable energy, because I love the conservation of mass/energy even in magic and soul systems, this also means the plant could also maybe be used in some magic or paranormal rituals, and cryptnip tea could be like a basic mana potion for magic users lol

And cryptids are instinctively attracted to the plant because of the aforementioned release of basically pure magic that can be used and specialized by anything that can, think like the stem cells, so evolution happened and the cryptids gained the instinct to roll in and eat the plant to help strengthen their paranormal abilities

The end, thank you for listening to my brain goop, it may be a touch incomprehensible because I just got home from a long long walk from college and am very tired but hopefully it's somewhat understandable

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again 3/28/2023

accidentally read five books.

listening

look i know there's a new fall out boy but i have conflicting opinions about that band bc i am no longer seventeen.

MARINA (formerly Marina and the Diamonds) was another artist coming up when i was in high school, but even though Family Jewels was one of the first albums i really got into, she has soundtracked far less of my life compared to FOB so listening to her is a little less fraught. nothing else has taken up space in my brain this week like the lyrics to hollywood: "hollywood infected your brain/you wanted kissing in the rain".

kind of obsessed how the music video cuts out an entire chunk of lyrics about dissatisfied flight attendants? also jesus christ this came out in 2010. BABY marina

originally stuck in my brain bc my sister and i were talking about the musical chicago, and this song contains the lyrics "oh my god you look just like shakira/no wait you're catherine zeta/actually my name's marina"

-

reading

Star Wars: Dark Disciple by Christie Golden. ventress has never been my favorite of count dooku’s batmanesque kidnapped children. i respect her! she’s awful! i want to see her flirt with obi-wan more but maul (my beloved) has always had more screen time and depth.

it’s spackled together from most of a cancelled eight-episode clone wars arc and it kind of shows? this is not to say that star wars books are uninterested in the interiority of their characters, but we rarely get in their heads. star wars books are much more focused on what it looks like in the movie— there are big cinematic set pieces where it’s important to know exactly where everyone is in a fight.

golden writes a competent action scene. this is more than i can say for many star wars writers.

^ i am shoving my fist into my mouth and screaming.

anyway, one of my worst character traits is a latent previously discussed fondness for steampunk and a less latent fondness for urban fantasy.

i read Alexis Hall's Iron and Velvet Kate Kane book a million years ago possibly at the rec of @bronanlynchh during the new hampshire internship, one of the worst depressive periods of my life, but i did consume a lot of gay romance during that period. bc im in my noir era now, reread it and realized there were more! so i devoured them all over the weekend.

to quote @quaraxuanzenith who seems to be the only other person here who has read them recently,

have you ever thought, "Twilight sure is a book, but it would be better if Bella ( a ) realized that Edward is a weird controlling creep, ( b ) dumped him, ( c ) came out to herself as lesbian, and ( d ) went off to become a paranormal private investigator"?

these are just fun nonsense! i loved them and will buy paper copies after i move! i would not call these "spicy", but she falls in and out of the arms of SO many femmes and fatales (who sometimes overlap). there are SO many women throwing themselves at her. it is a delightful way of nodding at the genre's roots bc kate has some game! she doesn't have zero game! she not an oblivious useless lesbian archetype either! but she's usually like ?????? this person is OUT OF MY LEAGUE and never actually realizes a tall, tortured, sad, purple-eyed lady in a trenchcoat is catnip to nearly all wlw.

i think the third book hits its stride and flings you into a rapidly entangling web of loyalties and motivations that i really enjoy in a noir. i like how the author feels no need to write the YA vampire book trilogy she survived. i like how kate has a life going on apart from the stuff that happens in the books. she does not feel like she started existing the moment the book opens.

i finally understand the little old lady love of endless mystery series, bc this is some really comforting reading. i would read twenty of these. i trust that this author's got me and may fling some twists or red herrings at me but ultimately i won't turn the page and she'll be beaten in the street for being an out lesbian. okay so she does get whumped in the street but it's for case reasons

-

watching

virtuosity (1995, dir leonard). the tagline of this film is "Hell hath no fury like a composite of 183 serial killers. Meet Sid 6.7"

is this a Good film? oh god no. if you've seen the tv show interview with the vampire, it has the same contrasting vibes between the two leads, where one is turning in an incredible performance about a black man trying to hold onto family and dignity while the other is prancing around like a deranged show pony. except without the clarity of purpose or production values of a big budget amc tv drama. however, russell crowe (guy i love to see) put his whole ass into this performance. this is not a half-assed acting effort. it is a joy to watch him zip around screen while denzel washington is giving a very good performance as a disgraced, widowed ex-cop.

this really throws a wrench into my whole "if a movie is about being afraid of a robot it's about being afraid of women" bc crowe is not a woman, but he is a malevolent neural network given an android body. a private company has a contract for a police training tool (the neural network trained on 183 serial killers who you can fight in VR) and is testing the interface on prisoners. i wish this movie had anything to say or critique about this three-way partnership other than using it as an inciting incident for what turns into a chase movie. the movie does not attempt to convince you this would be a good idea in a different private company's dev team but i wish the movie spent slightly less time going AAAAAA HOW TO STOP and any time at all going AAAAAAA HOW DID WE LET THIS HAPPEN

i would call this film camp on vibes alone except it is almost completely uninterested in sensuality. the special effects have not aged very well at all, but the film has the same production designer (Nilo Rodis-Jamero) as Johnny Mnemomic (also 1995) so the film Looks.

why? it was leaving canopy soon and when my gender isn't "woman in the same way a sailing ship is a woman" it's "nineties movie club scenes"

-

playing

weird west! still! (image from the steam page bc i keep forgetting to take screenshots)

not terribly worried about the somewhat repetitive nature of the locations themselves, bc the enemy encounters are varied enough it feels like solving a new puzzle each time. also im still having fun.

i have been picking off guys from around the edges of enemy encampments with a silenced rifle and then tanking through this rest with a shotgun and liberal bandage application, as i am wont to do in shooty games, but i cannot currently break my husband out of a mine run by...cannibals? human traffickers to the cannibals? the xp-giving bad guys without getting one of my companions killed. i really don't want to ditch ann lara (i'm not entirely sure what her deal is? sort of a smooth-talking hustler archetype? but really good with pistols?) who has been with me for most of the eight hours i've played this game. the sheriff/my neighbor, along for the ride for her own reasons, has four times as much health as either of us so she's staying. she's been the only one left alive most of my attempts at this one FUCKING cave.

so i am looping back out into the world (sorry husband) to go think about some real tactics. practice my dodge rolls in a less tense environment. perhaps level up some guns and armor. now you might say "kay! isn't it worrying that you're hitting such a big difficulty cliff?" and to that i say "not really bc i cannot stress the amount of simply dicking around and exploring ive done, also i am not a clever woman."

-

making

fallow week

[kaydeefalls]

WIP snippet game

@tardis-stowaway tagged me in a WIP snippet game (thanks!), looking for the words fire, table, fresh, peace, and hand.

So what the hell, I'll bite. For once, I managed to find all of these in active (by my standards) Old Guard WIPs.

Fire (from Firefly AU):

She fires off two warning shots behind them, and at least one of the assholes in question yelps audibly. Joe's already on the comm to their ship. "Nicky, Booker, we might need to leave in a hurry."

Table (from the last chapter of Carthaginians, which I badly need to get cracking on):

Many, many centuries later, in an abandoned church in Goussainville, the newest among them will look around their dinner table with wary eyes. "How are you all in my dreams?" she asks.

Fresh (from a Quynh&Nile ficlet that may or may not ever be finished):

"Where does she go, in the between times?" Quỳnh asks Booker, because he is the closest to Nile in age and furthest in demeanor. They share a strange and sometimes uneasy kinship, the two youngest among them. The burden of still-fresh memories of their first lives weighs upon them very differently, but they understand each other in ways neither always likes to admit.

Peace (Quynh&Nile, again):

Half a century and more since she emerged from the ocean, and still, she can't quite keep up with the relentless pace of modern life. She needs longer breaks than the others, to let her mind catch up with her body, to make peace with her many ghosts.

Hand (Lykon-as-new-immortal!AU):

The combo of leather jacket, tasteful jewelry, and well-groomed beard is fucking catnip as far as Lykon is concerned. "Well hello, Daddy," he purrs, taking Joe's proffered hand. "It is very nice to meet you."

So that was fun! Feel free to hassle me about any of these, I'm desperately trying to force my brain back into writing mode after recovering from three solid weeks of travel plus work conference.

If you want to play (no pressure!), tagging @turtletotem, @knoepfchen, @werebearbearbar, and anyone else who wants the excuse to share a WIP snippet - your random words can be interest, eye, thought, morning, never.

[alexsfictionaddiction]

Review: How To Keep A Husband for 10 Days by Jessica Hatch

What is about these simplistic, warm colour paletted book covers that makes them absolute catnip for me? I can’t seem to resist at least having a look at rom-coms dressed in covers of this cute style. Unfortunately, I really need to break the connection that my brain has made with these adorable covers with good reads because this really didn’t deliver even a little bit!

Lina and Brown’s friends are coming to stay unexpectedly but to admit that the pair are actually going through a divorce and living separately is unthinkable. So, Lina convinces Brown to pretend that everything is fine just for ten days. What could possibly go wrong? 

I knew that this book and I weren’t going to get along within the first couple of chapters, when Lina appears to believe that telling those closest to her that she’s getting divorced is the worst possible thing in the world. I couldn’t understand this at all. Just does not compute with me as a person or indeed, I believe with 95% of people I’ve ever met. I should clarify that Lina isn’t devoutly Catholic or of any other faith that explicitly teaches that divorce is inherently bad. So, considering that hiding her divorce is Lina’s primary goal throughout the narrative, I knew that I was never going to be on board with the book as a whole.

Lina and Brown have a friend called Sophie, who appears to think that she’s given them a ‘couple name’ by calling them ‘Bellini’. Their names are BRown and LinA. Therefore, an actual couple name would be Brolina or something. Bellini doesn’t work as a couple name for them. What’s even crazier is that the author has chosen to call the guy Brown. She could have chosen any real name in the world but instead she named him Brown. If she wanted them to have the couple name of Bellini, it would have been much more sensible to name him Ben or something. You know, like an actual, real life name.

Of course, this is a romance, so we know that during this pretence that they’re still together, they’re probably going to rediscover each other. However, Lina behaved in a completely erratic manner, considering she was the one that initiated the break up. I genuinely have no clue why she decided that divorce from a man that she never stopped loving at all was a sensible thing to do at all and I really don’t believe it’s a decision that any actual, sane woman would ever do.

Lina was without a doubt the most unlikeable, frustrating character I’ve read. She constantly gave Brown mixed signals and treated him appallingly. She then had the arrogance to question whether he ‘still felt the same way about her’ after he’d read some pretty horrific things that she’d written about him. I just really wanted her to leave the poor guy alone and let him find someone who deserved him because it certainly wasn’t her.

How To Keep A Husband For 10 Days is a very dull, infuriating romance that features a completely-unrelated-to-anything plot about affordable housing that seems to go on and on. I couldn’t help but wonder where everyone’s family members were. Not one of these people in their late 20s/early 30s seemed to have parents or siblings or anyone related to them that they had any regular contact with -literally no one was even mentioned! They also had a non-binary friend called Freddie who was obviously more masculine-presenting because they used he/they pronouns and there were references to when they were a ‘he’. I wasn’t sure what the author was trying to do with Freddie’s gender identity other than shoehorn it in to add ‘diversity’ because if they’re non-binary, I shouldn’t KNOW that a character is biologically male unless it’s very relevant to the plot. It was just a very unfunny romance with absolutely no substance and an abhorrent heroine.

[trashlie]

Listen, man. I am loving Operation Love SO MUCH that I have a. exhausted all of the English Fast Pass episodes and b. Moved on to translating the Korean episodes for myself, except c. The Korean version is only one (1) episode ahead of the English Fast Pass episodes and d. I still don’t know how to pay for fast pass episodes on Naver lmao PLS. I’M LIKE. literally at the point of being willing to FAST PASS THE KOREAN VERSION just for more LMAO GOD. hhhhhhhhhh

on the bright side, my brain is getting one HELL of a Korean language work out. I.... am so rusty and also so bad at Korean LMAO but also to give myself some credit, I’m getting better at understanding certain grammatical constructions, even if I’m really bad at trying to construct them myself, and being able to use context to figure things out, so hey that’s good. I’m getting to learn a LOT of conversational/colloquialisms and things like little transitions (”as you can see” “speaking of” “as you know” “of course blah blah”) which is nice! I know nothing happens overnight so hey if i keep this up maybe in a few months i’ll finally be getting back to my old levels of Korean and beyond huhuhu. I like to HOPE eventually things will drill into my head (plus i’m making flashcards with anki of words i pull from the manhwa itself, that way through repetition and flashcards I can drill it in my head hehehe) 

Anyway. Point is: I really, really love Operation Love, it’s pure catnip for me, I’m enjoying it so much and I wish I could read ahead in Korean, too LMAO