#this is an undeniable fact about me i am certain of it

[meplusuhoney]

the real reason why i wanted to become an artist in the first place was because i really wanted to make friends. my first exposure to fanart was when i was a child with unrestricted internet access (not an uncommon experience) and through the internet and i would see so much gorgeous art and i would see countless people connect with eachother through it, and they became such great friends

i vividly remember thinking to myself wow, what an amazing thing that is, if this many people can do that then surely i can do it too. through the internet i can make real friends like all these other people have and it will make me feel like i finally belong somewhere, finally.

of course through the process of teaching myself how to make art i love i fell in love with the process of creating, and i truly do love creating art. be it writing or art and thats not something i ever want to give up on or stop doing. but i wish i never convinced myself that i can make friends because of it.

when enough time passes and absolutely nothing happens the cold hard truth will finally sink in and i finally FINALLY realized that i simply cant form a real bond with anyone online or not. other people can do it easily, but not me. im not like everyone else. i must be strange and off putting on an entirely different scale from everyone else, i am unlike everyone else on such a fundamentally different level i cant hide that trait even when i put on an persona online.

it took me far too long to come to this conclusion. now i can understand but i have a sinking feeling that it will take me even longer to actually accept this fact. i never had a real friend, never will, and i dont belong anywhere (and its all my fault) i only wish that i never convinced myself i could find a place to belong to online. when you see countless people create entire communities and friends groups over mutual interests over the course of a decade i guess its only natural to come to the conclusion that you can do that too. but not me, that was never going to happen to me. still, i wouldnt be hurting so much if i always knew i was never going to find a place where i really belong

[cherriecove]

Fine Line Between Duty and Oaths (Part 4)

Gwayne Hightower x Targ!Reader

Summary: The second born daughter of King Viserys I Targaryen and Queen Aemma is just as brave, beautiful and stubborn as her older sister but cannot deny her growing love for a certain red haired knight who just so happens to be a dear friend's brother.

Cherrie's note:She/Her pronouns. I am amazed by how much love you guys have shown my writing. Thank you so so much for your support, i hope i can keep you all happy.

Masterlist | Previous Part | Next Part

Watching Gwayne train was more exhilarating than you’d anticipated. Despite his youth, his skill with a sword was undeniable. He dispatched opponents with a grace and ease that bordered on effortless, his confidence—teetering on arrogance—seemingly justified by his prowess. It was clear that his confidence wasn’t misplaced, though it stirred a mix of admiration and irritation within you. You were captivated by him, his every move drenched in sweat yet still strikingly handsome. A fleeting thought crossed your mind: a wish to knock him off his high horse, if only to humble him. Yet, even with his confident demeanor, he looked every bit the part of a heavenly vision. You were painfully aware of how your cheeks flushed at the mere sight of him, a fact not lost on him, judging by the small smirk he directed your way after helping up his sparring partner.

Considering whether to order your sworn protector to intervene and knock him down was a fleeting thought. Instead, you stood, smoothing your dress. Gwayne jogged over, concern evident in his eyes. “You aren’t leaving already, are you, Princess? Am I not impressive enough?”

You descended the steps of the viewing stand with his assistance. “It was satisfactory, Ser.”

Gwayne placed a hand over his heart in mock distress. “I’ve disappointed my princess. Whatever shall I do to recover?”

You smiled, shaking your head at his dramatic flair. “I have every faith that you’ll redeem yourself in the tourney, Ser Gwayne.”

As you headed toward the Red Keep’s entrance, Gwayne’s voice followed. “I hope so too, my Princess!”

The day of the tourney had finally arrived, and the atmosphere in the Red Keep was electric with anticipation. Royal duties had kept you and Gwayne apart, your time together limited to quick exchanges and lingering glances. You found yourself missing him more than you’d expected, a testament to the swift and deep connection that had formed between you.

In the royal box, you were seated between Rhaenyra and Alicent. Alicent was visibly nervous about her brother’s performance, her hands fidgeting with her nails. You placed your hand over hers, giving a reassuring squeeze. She returned the gesture, understanding your shared concern for Gwayne. Both she and your sister had noted your growing fondness for the knight, often teasing you about it in the days leading up to the tournament.

As your father rose to announce the commencement of the tourney, your attention was elsewhere, scanning the arena for Gwayne. When you finally spotted him, your heart skipped a beat, and you silently prayed to the old gods and the new for his safety. When the knights came to request favors, you turned down every offer, knowing precisely where your allegiance lay.

Gwayne approached, removing his helmet and smiling up at you. “Princess, it would be an honor if you would present me with your favour. Even if I lose, I would still consider myself a winner.”

Your cheeks flushed at his words. You picked up your flower wreath and approached the barrier, the eyes of your father and Otto Hightower upon you. But in that moment, their scrutiny faded as you focused solely on Gwayne. “Of course, Ser. Do be careful.” You placed the wreath on his lance, and the connection between you was palpable. His nod was a silent promise, and though no more words passed between you, the understanding was mutual. He donned his helmet and returned to his place.

As you resumed your seat, the weight of your father’s and Otto Hightower’s gazes became more pronounced. You tried to steady your breath, watching intently as the jousting began. Gwayne’s skill was evident, but his opponent had the advantage of experience and brute strength. You gasped silently as Gwayne was unseated with a jarring impact, struggling to suppress your urge to cry out. Instead, you gripped Alicent’s hand tightly, your heart racing with concern. Despite knowing Gwayne’s stubbornness, you wished he would yield to avoid further injury. Yet, true to form, he stood and challenged his opponent to continue on the ground. Though nimble and quick, Gwayne’s superior opponent’s strength and strategy soon took their toll. Gwayne fought valiantly but was ultimately overpowered and forced to yield. As he released his sword and was helped from the field, your worry surged.

You quickly excused yourself from the royal box, making a hasty yet dignified dash toward the deep green tent. Your urgency overrode the need for decorum; your only focus was Gwayne. The thought of him hurt and vulnerable drove you to disregard the etiquette you had been taught since childhood, propelled only by your concern for the knight who had swiftly become significant in your life.

Tag List: @deniixlovezelda @kieracassette

[megpricephotography]

Flynn's become such a good, helpful boy! **Long read beneath the cut & Trigger Warning for cancer, choking, health problems... but Flynn himself is totally, 100% fine (just being helpful!) & I am OK too, nothing graphic!**

I don't talk about health on here but I had an aggressive cancer when I was younger - a few years before I got Flynn. My old lad Barney helped me through diagnosis & treatment, he was a star, bless him. Thankfully I've now been in remission a long time but do have long term side-effects. I had to relearn how to drink/eat & speak & it all remains rather hard to this day. One problem I have - especially when tired (& I am often tired!) - is that I am much more prone to choking now. Usually, so long as I don't panic, I can sort myself out very quickly & it's more emotionally distressing, than a serious danger to my life but every now & again, I do have a genuinely alarming moment, when it's worse than normal & I don't know if I might need immediate outside help. Flynn has gradually picked up on the fact that I am prone to choking while eating. He's also learned to recognise certain foods, which are more likely to cause me problems. Plus, he's worked out that he can summon assistance to me, by barking his head off if I seem to be struggling.

When I am eating food I'm usually OK with, Flynn goes to his bed & ignores me, unless there's a problem. However, whenever I sit down with a type food which he knows I find trickier to manage, Flynn has taken to standing in front of me the entire time I am eating (& I am soooo slow!) & watching me very intensely. He's not begging & he does not move from his spot, or take his gaze off me, until I make it clear I'm done.

Being under Flynn's hard-eyed stare while I am trying to eat a meal, is mildly unnerving but undeniably helpful. The thing is, despite this not being a new problem anymore… I did spend my 1st two decades of my life eating normally, so when I am tired &/or hungry, it's easy to stop taking so much care about what I'm doing - & that's when I run into problems… However, when I've got a border collie standing right there, "supervising", with an expression on his face that is similar to a particularly stern nurse, making sure their patient takes the correct medication, I find it's much easier to remain alert, remember I still need to pay attention to what I'm doing & to slow down - even more than usual... Having Flynn there regularly prevents issues even starting.

Of course, I do sometimes still start to choke & Flynn's got amazingly good at recognising when I am having difficulties & he's so fast to respond. He immediately turns his back to me, in order to watch the doorway & begins doing a very distinctive, agitated, loud, repetitive bark. He will not stop, until the relative who we live with appears to check on me. (Interestingly, when we're home alone, Flynn still takes up his vigil while I eat but he generally won't bark, or is slower to start woofing, if I run into problems). Thankfully the vast majority of the time, I am fine within a few worrying seconds but obviously, it's reassuring having someone nearby, just in case. This behaviour is just something Flynn began doing by himself…. We've slowly begun offering rewards for it though, because it's obviously, it's a nifty trick!! A very Good Boy!!

[bellaturner]

Hi! I am loving the writings at the moment! I was wondering if you could write something where reader is dating Alex and also an interviewer and she has to interview him. So its all flirty and if their relationship isn’t public yet Alex constantly nearly gives it away.

I just kinda had the thought and thought it would be cute and I have no time to write atm and honestly you could probably write it better anyway lmao

Alex sat across the sofa from you, and you attempted to maintain a professional demeanor despite the playful tension in the room.

"So, mister Turner," you began, but before you could continue, he playfully interrupted.

"Oh, you sound so sexy calling me 'mister'," he teased with a mischievous grin.

You couldn't help but roll your eyes at his antics. "Come on, Alex," you said, raising your hands to your face in mock annoyance. "I'm trying to do my job here," you sighed, a hint of amusement in your voice.

"Sorry, babe," he apologize, but moved his hand up your thigh at the same time "I'll behave myself," he promised at the same time he fixed his sunglasses on his face.

"Al, please," you asked, once again, "I'm gonna get fired if you don't cooperate." you were practically begging this time.

"Sure, love," he said, removing his hand from you. "Ask your questions, but i'm gonna fuck you so hard after we get home." he winked at you.

You took a deep breath, attempting to regain your focus. Your boyfriend's flirtatious behavior was undeniably distracting, but you needed to continue the interview professionally. "Ahem," you cleared your throat and made another attempt. "So, Mr. Turner," you said, maintaining direct eye contact, "your band's latest album is titled 'The Car'." You pointed out this fact, well aware of the answer to the upcoming question. "Could you enlighten us on the reason behind that choice?" You asked, attempting to appear genuinely curious, though you suspected you weren't doing a great job of it.

You had been actively involved in the entire album composition process. You'd even assisted Alex, your boyfriend, and the rest of the band in brainstorming some of the song titles. You were aware that certain songs were inspired by your relationship, which added an extra layer of complexity to your professional life.

"Well," Alex began, avoiding direct eye contact with you, "we wanted it to have that perfect 'road trip' sound, you know?" he explained, trying to maintain a casual tone.

"Interesting choice," you responded, a sense of frustration creeping into your voice. You were beginning to feel exasperated with the interview, and you hadn't even reached the halfway point yet.

You decided to press on with the interview, determined to maintain your professionalism despite Alex's distractions. "I see what you mean," you replied, shifting your focus back to the questions. "The album definitely has a vibrant, on-the-road feel to it. Can you tell us more about the creative process behind it?"

Alex leaned back in his seat, appearing more relaxed as he delved into the band's creative journey. He began to share insights into their writing sessions and the stories behind some of the songs. You listened intently, trying to keep the conversation on track.

As the interview continued, you couldn't help but notice the way Alex's foot subtly brushed against your leg under the table. It sent a jolt of excitement through you, but you had to remain composed.

Throughout the interview, Alex managed to toe the line between playful banter and professional discussion. It was both exhilarating and maddening, knowing that he was purposely teasing you while you had to maintain your facade on camera.

As the interview was getting near the end, you couldn't help but exchange a subtle glance with Alex. It was a silent acknowledgment of the playful dance you'd been engaged in throughout the conversation. He smirked ever so slightly, and you knew he was eager to continue this game behind closed doors.

You wrapped up the interview with a final question about the band's upcoming tour, and Alex provided a thoughtful response.

This would be a tough one to edit - the viewers were none the wiser about your romantic involvement - but you were proud of your ability to mostly maintain your professionalism.

Once the cameras stopped rolling, Alex wasted no time. He leaned in closer, his arms trailing your body and his lips dangerously close to your ear. "You were amazing, babe," he whispered huskily, sending shivers down your spine.

"Thanks," you replied, your voice trembling with desire. "Are you taking me home now?" You asked, turning to pack your handbag.

"Oh no, cutie pie, I'm having you bent over the very table you were using to interview me." He said calmed, collected and demanding, getting out of his seat and towering you.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Hihiiii 💕

Felt like doing this one today, it's been long forgotten on my askbox, sorry, my love.

I hope you enjoy it anyway ❤️ (it was wrote while I has high on sleep meds and not prof read)

Lmk if you'd like to be tagged in my posts s2

As always, love you 💕

~ Bella

[zeroseuniverse]

Safety First

╚══•●•══╝

Seok Matthew X Fem Reader Word Count: 1K Warnings: None really aside from Reader being Ji-Woong's Sister

If there was one thing in the world that she knew for certain it was that her brother adored her, Jiwoong was undeniably her number one person in this world and if someone so much as breathed in her direction, they would be interrogated like they just committed 3 counts of murder. Even so, he did love the fact that most of his friends took to her like a brother when he wasn’t around, so it wasn’t a surprise when he invited her to go camping with them. She mostly stuck to her brother's side, but Gyuvin, Taerae, and Yujin would occasionally kidnap her to cause some sort of chaos, which is actually what led her to this moment, funnily enough.

The four stood in front of their 6 friends, all four deciding to look at their surrounding areas as if they didn’t see the 6 sets of shocked and amused eyes directed in their direction. “How in the world did you guys end up soaked, there’s no water near here?” Hanbin wondered, causing Taerae to look more sheepish than the others.

“So, remember how you told me to dump the cooler earlier?” He smiled sweetly trying to butter up his hyung, only earning quirked eyebrows in response, which caused him to huff and cross his arms.

“Taerae packed water guns so we used the water to fill up water guns, we had a war, which Yujin and I won by the way!” Gyuvin snitched, earning glares from his accomplices.

“Well, you four will be sitting in Jiwoong’s car since it has seat covers, we already packed your bags into the truck so no change of clothes,” Hao explained earning pitiful nods in return.

“I call shotgun since I won!” Gyuvin hollered trying to run to the front seat only to get pushed back by Jiwoong.

“I don’t sit next to wet rats, You four wet rats can sit in the back, Matthew is riding up front since the truck has minimal space,” Jiwoong stated, earning a glare from his sister.

“Um I’m the only girl, why am I being put in the back with these three giants and how do you expect us to fit?” 

“You will start to smell in about 20 minutes, and I don’t want to be smelling it so closely, You guys can figure it out.”He smiled falsely at her before he and Matthew went ahead getting into the car.

“Sometimes I think he likes Matt more than me,” She grumbled watching as her accomplices tried to gauge the size of the back seat, “At least it wasn’t Gunwook…He’d take up the whole damn seat with his shoulders.” She joked, earning a giggle from Taerae and Gyuvin and a smile from Yujin. 

“How about you lay across our laps?” Yujin offered, which earned three shrugs in agreement, and so the three giants got into the back seat lifting their arms slightly so it would be easier for her to climb over, however, they didn’t anticipate just how painful it would be with her moving across them, her knees and elbows pressing on their muscles in all of the wrong ways. 

“Ow!”The various yelps echoed through the car earning laughs from Matthew and Jiwoong and sputtered apologies from the girl. The girl quickly got off of the boys instead taking position curled up in a ball in front of Yujin leaving all of the boys with a free lap. 

“You guys are seriously going to have her sit on the floor?” Matthew asked incredulously, he looked at the girl in concern.

“She’s the smallest, it’s a tight fit man.” Gyuvin defended looking down at her a little shamefully. Matthew assessed the situation quickly, if he gave up his seat to her there was no way the four males could sit comfortably in the back, if he moved Taerae to his seat, since he was broader, and instead moved to the back he could move her onto his lap so that everyone could sit comfortably, that seemed to be the easiest route. 

“Taerae, switch with me,” Matthew suggested with zero hesitation earning confused looks from the four in the back, he didn’t stop to look at Jiwoong, who had a small smirk on his face hoping this would have happened. 

“No, it's fine! I’m okay right here.” She reassured, Matthew ignored the girl simply giving Taerae a stern look, the switch didn’t take long, Matthew was then sitting in the seat behind Taerae, swiftly hoisting the girl up into his lap and placing her sideways. After a started yelp, she looked at Matthew with wide eyes, but the man was simply reaching for the seatbelt, securing it around both of them, his hands then moving to place themselves securely on her hips. “Matt, I can sit on the ground. I don’t mind, I don’t want to get you all wet.” She stammered only to be met with the sweetest smile directed up at her from below, the man moved some of the wet hair out of her face and as the red crept up her neck and to her ears, he could simply only look at her like she had a face full of makeup and was dressed in a ball gown, it was odd how she had never noticed the look the boy had given but seeing it up close she recognized it.

“Just stay here, it’s safer.” He spoke so softly she barely heard him, and as the road trip began, their position slowly moved to a more comfortable one, her arms now wrapped around his neck, allowing him to rest his head on her shoulder as they both watched TikTok on his phone, giggling quietly to each other about each one, she moved her eyes from the screen for a moment, catching her brothers eye in the mirror, he had a larger smirk on his face and approval glittering in his eyes. She was almost shocked at how okay he was with her sitting on his best friend's lap, but maybe she could understand, he had always expressed how good he thought Matthew would be with a girl, always trying to talk him up to her. She trusted his approval so with that thought she slouched back into Matthews's arms leaning her head on top of his just embracing the moment. 

[inklessletter]

I don’t know if this makes any sense to you, but I’ve been having thoughts about Steve and Eddie, as characters, (I mean who am I kidding, they live rent free in my mind now) and I’ve noticed a conceptual parallel between both of them that I can’t unsee now.

I’ve read several analyses and opinions about how Eddie was created and inserted in the story as some sort of substitute for Steve because they needed his death for Dustin’s arch, but they didn’t really want to kill Steve because he’s one of the series’ icons now. This has been used in the show several times now, with Barb’s death, and Bob’s, and Billy’s, so I buy it (if I think that it’s a lazy resource to make your characters evolve or if it’s lacking originality when you do it four times now, is something I won’t approach here, ahem). It fucked me up because I rewatched the last season a couple times now and I see it. I can’t not see it anymore. I can see the conceptual similarities (the age, the fact that he’s some sort of outsider to the group, the reputation, Dustin’s undeniable affection and respect…) but there is a particular feature that I noticed recently that has broken me, because it’s so fucking meta.

Speaking in general terms of course, most people I know that have watched the show like Steve, but they didn’t like him in S1, which, understandable; the writing in S1 didn’t make it easy for the audience to stand by him. Steve’s got several characters against him (Barb is the sweet victim, Mike is a clear protagonist, Jonathan is the direct rival as a love interest for Nancy), and if those characters, that are written and shown to be reliable, you instantly believe them, that he’s King Steve, that he’s a jerk. He goes with Carol and Tommy that are straight up bullies, he makes questionable decisions about how to face certain situations (such as breaking Jonathan’s camera [that I know it’s controversial, but personally, I totally, totally get why he did it], the slut thing in the cinema board, the fist fight…) so yeah, it’s easy that you go along with the thinking that he’s sort of not worth it. But here’s the thing, Steve spends the whole season trying to make up for his mistakes, trying to fix what he broke. He buys Jonathan a brand new camera, he confronts and ditches his so-called friends and actually goes to apologize to Jonathan, and then to Nancy. So what we have here is what it is said about Steve vs. what Steve really does. Even at last, when he had the chance to run for his life, he came back to the house to do the right thing. Steve is a great guy, but he’s written for the audience not to think so.

They changed their minds in S2, apparently, when the writers made him more layered, more likable, and the audience lost their minds. He was absolutely loved now, a favorite. A sweetheart. A romantic tragedy. And they kept all those features in S3, but giving him tons of lines and screen time, and an iconic outfit, and making him the biggest ally in the whole show, and now you’re trapped because you love him.

But you see, loving him was a journey. The audience went from finding him kind of annoying, or straight not liking him to fall head over heels for Steve.

And the writers, bless their souls/fuck all of them, mimicked that affection journey in S4 with Eddie Munson, using Steve Harrington as a catalyst.

You see, Eddie has this very same dichotomy of what people think of him vs what he really does, the only difference here, the major one, is that the people who speak ill of him are not protected by the writing. So you, as a member of an audience, embrace the fact that what the whole town says about him is not true, and that he’s a good guy. They fast forward the whole process by setting Mike and Dustin by their side, that the whole Eddie tragedy is a simple wrong time, wrong place. I mean, there’s no way you can go wrong about judging Eddie’s character.

And here’s where it gets interesting.

Steve rejects the blind trust. 

Steve doesn’t like him. 

Steve listens to the rumors. 

Steve calls him the freak. 

But the season goes on and bless his soul he starts paying attention to what Eddie does, to who Eddie is, and ends up pretty easily rejecting what the whole town feels towards him. Because he sees him now. 

Because he’s been there.

It is such a wholesome phenomenon when you realize that Steve, who at first was reluctant to find him, gets protective of him, out of mere empathy. He never gets angry at him, or mistreats him in any way; if so, he brings him beer and cigarettes, he worries about him leaving Skull Rock since all Hawkins is after his ass now. 

He cares.

And god, he even thanks him at the Upside Down woods. He doesn’t thank Nancy, or Robin. He thanks Eddie, because he knew that back in the boat, Eddie didn’t have to jump into the water for him, the same way he didn’t have to go back to the Byers’ house once he saw the Christmas lights violently flickering, because in any way that was his business.

So he thanks Eddie, probably because Steve thinks that it would have been nice that someone actually thanked him to save Nancy and Jonathan’s asses instead of getting a relationship out of pity that ended up with him dumped a year later and a bunch of issues.

The season goes on and they talk it out, they both admit having believed what people said of them, but now that they know each other, they can actually see how wrong they were. They make a fresh start, and the story seems to get to the right point, the way it should have been between them if it weren’t for the absurd jealousy pretext. 

Now they both align with how the audience is feeling.

So, you see the parallelism here. Steve’s behavior towards Eddie was a straight up reflection of the emotional journey the audience had towards Steve. 

And this probably wasn’t intentional, since the writers didn’t know for sure how much love and admiration Eddie was gonna get before s4 was released, but the fun part here is that it is quite difficult to find someone who loves Eddie Munson that hasn’t loved Steve Harrington before. The process of falling for those two is exactly the same, and most fans probably are not aware that they have gone through the same emotional journey twice. And it makes sense, because it is familiar. But whether or not you are aware of this, after they enter the Upside Down, Eddie and Steve are linked together, and that you know, even if you really don’t know why. They are impossible to untangle.

So yeah, absolutely, beyond the screen time together and the undeniably flirty behaviors, their chemistry, their journey and their young history, steddie makes sense.

So, when they make Steve a vulnerable mess, expressing that his only wish as a character is to love and be loved in return, and have a future, they go and kill Eddie. And it’s heartbreaking, because he’s a character with orphan needs and desires, and he didn’t even get the chance to fight for himself, and no, I don’t mean the demobats. 

And in a deep part of our brains we fear for Steve, because they’re in an unfinished war, and Eddie’s fate could easily be Steve’s in s5.

But you see, what is absolutely mindblowing about this fandom is the fact that here is where they picked up and made something incredible. For months we have been rewriting, consuming and creating thousands of universes in which Eddie gets what he deserves, that is, a happy ending, not only that he lives, but that he ends up being happy.

If this is too much of a projection about the fear of Steve getting killed in s5, that I don’t know; what I know is that I’m not at all worried.

I know we can make it better.

[lailoken]

hello,

this may sound like a silly question, but is it possible for someone who is not Irish, scottish, or British to be contacted by the Fae?

thank you!

Hello there.

This isn't a silly question, but it's one I will have to expound on a bit, as opposed to just giving a yes or no answer. I'll also preface this by saying that my personal beliefs will likely be contentious to some, and I encourage readers to take what they find useful and leave the rest if it conflicts with their own paradigm. Most of this comes from a mixture of personal gnosis and theory, and I am not attempting to assert authority on the subject or claim academic accuracy, so please keep that in mind.

To put it very simply, I believe that the Fae are present in every region of the world, and I have highly syncretic beliefs about the nature of the Fae and other spirits in general. For me, the folkloric specifics come down to cultural lenses and the ways that long-term worship and perception shape the expectations and manifestations of the Gloaming Folk. So, no, I don't think one has to be Gaelic or Brythonic in order to cultivate a relationship with the Fae.

For instance, when looking at the Faerie Faith, many people think primarily—if not only—of the insular Celts. The Fair Folk of the English; the Aos Sidhe of the Irish; the Daoine Sìth of the Scottish; the Sheeaghan of the Manx; the Twlwyth Teg of the Welsh; the Spyrysyon of the Cornish; and the Korrigan of the Breton. But in the larger context of Germanic and Scandinavian folklore, there is copious evidence of entities that are undeniably similar to the Fae as they are understood in the Insular Celtic Isles. In fact, the Germanic word Elf is so closely aligned with the term Faery that many people don't even realize or think about the fact that they derive from different cultures. That being said, the Germanic/Scandinavian "lens" of Faerie Lore is probably the other best known by the wider public.

Likewise, there are multiple beings that show up in Slavic mythology and folklore—such as the Vila, the Rusalke, or the Vodyanoy—which are pretty readily accepted as Faeries. I don't know of an overarching term that would necessarily be equivalent, but the folkloric link is still there.

Now, moving into a more controversial aspect of my beliefs, I also happen to think of Angels, Demons, and Djinn in terms of Gloaming Spirits. While I readily admit that millenia of regionally specific belief and veneration form unique "identies" that Spirits of a given culture may align more closely with, I believe that they are all part of one larger "family" of beings who have been interacting with humanity for many thousands of years. I realize that this will likely be considered an egregious oversimplication for some, or possibly even an erasure of the individuality these cultures possess; but for me, the things that make a tradition sacred and unique are not invalidated or snuffed out by by the fact that other cultures may find recognition in them. So, while I do think beings like Angels, Demons, and Djinn are inexorably interrelated, I also fully accept that they are unique and culturally specific. And frankly, I find it hard to believe that others who have engaged in intensive personal gnosis haven't come across similar threads of paradoxical interconnection.

Beyond these, though, I've also pinpointed other entities over the years that I think represent reasonable approximations of the Fae. These include things like:

The Peris of Persian Mythology (Beautiful aerial spirits sometimes known to work with humans called Peri-Kahn, who gained skills and abilities from the relationship. They are generally described as humanoid figures with beautiful wings, who are known for their michevious behavior, though at least one work references them as divine beings denied entry into paradise until such a times as they have atoned—a folkloric motif some will recognize in connection to certain folk-beliefs regarding the Angels and the Fae.)

The Yakshas of Hinduism, Buddhism, and Jainism (Spirits of nature often connected with water, fertility, plants, treasures, and the wilderness. While some are considered benign or benevolent, others are considered more mischevious or sinister, though most are considered capricious. Sometimes associated with ecological forces, and at other times, with the spirits of the dead. )

The Yōkai of Shintō (A diverse array of spirits—often explicitly equivacated with fairies, demons, and/or sprites—known to interact with humans in both benevolent and malevolent capacities. While many of these spirits are quite singular in their uniqueness, others are more recognizable within a broader archetypal folkloric context—such as the Zashiki-warashi, which are described as diminutive domestic sprites known for both their ability to bestow good fortune, and their tendency to perform mischevious pranks.)

The Korpokkur of Ainu Mythology (A race of little folk, associated with the Butterbur plant, who were said to leave gifts under cover of night—as they did not like being seen. They were believed to be the original inhabitants of Japan before the Ainu—which also echoes aspects of Celtic Faerie Lore.)

The Aziza of Dahomean Mythology (A race of supernatural little folk who are said to live in the Wilds—often beneath Anthills or within silk-cotton trees— and use their magic to help humans, as well as providing people with practical knowledge and spiritual wisdom.)

The Yumboes of Wolof Mythology (Spirits of the dead described as little folk with pearly white skin and silver hair who lived beneath hills and come out to dance beneath the Moonlight. They are known to hold great feasts, which humans are sometimes invited to.)

The Hellenic Nymphs, Sirens, and Kobaloi (As many know, Nymphs are animistic spirits of nature, considered beautiful, and known to interact with humans. Likewise, most will have heard of Sirens as beautiful, seductive, and dangerous spirits of the water who are known to entice and drown men. The Kobaloi, in turn, are described as a mischievous race of small goblin-like folk who are fond of playing tricks on human kind.)

The Basque Iratxoak, Laminak, and Mairuak (An Iraxto is a type of domestic Imp or Goblin known to help with human labors in the night, if properly propitiated. A Lamina, on the other hand, is a Water Maiden described similarly to Sirens or Nereids. They are generally understood to have webbed duck feet and long beautiful hair, which they are fond of combing by the waterside. They are known for both their tendency to offer aid to those who show them respect and propitiation, and their tendency to seduce and ensnare men. Some traditions speak of male giants called Mairuak, who are closely associated with Laminak, and are linked by some with the construction of megalithic structures.)

The Duende of Iberian mythology (A term quite similar to 'Faery' in its usage, which encompasses a diverse array of spiritual entities who are generally said to appear as humanoid, though frequently capable of shapeshifting. They are often associated with nature and are known for their involvement with humans—be it helpful, romantic, michevious, or vicious. They include goblin-esque folk known as Trasgu, Water Maidens known as Xana or Anjana, and supernatural beings called Mouros who take refuge beneath the earth and rarely emerge near sites like barrows. The most common conception of a Duende, however, describes them as a mischevious sort of domestic imp or goblin known for their dealings with the human world. )

The Aztec Chaneque (A sprite-like race of little folk who are associated with Elemental forces and are often conceived as guardians of nature. These beings were once propotiated by the Nàhuatl peoples in exchange for protection from blight, intruders, and evil forces. However, they could also inflict harm, and they were known to sometimes kidnap humans and take them to their home in the Underworld of of Mictlàn to be seduced. On an interesting sidenote, one folk-method of protecting against them when traveling in the forest was for a person to turn their clothing inside out—a charm many will recognize from Celtic Faerie Folklore.)

The Mayan Aluxo'ob (Spirits recognized in the mythological traditions of certain Maya peoples, who are generally associated with particular features of nature. They are described as small and humanoid, and they usually remain invisible, though they can assume physical form for the sake of interacting with humans. Sometimes, wandering Aluxo'ob are said to ask for offerings from farmers or travelers and may respond with wrath if refused. If its conditions are respectfully met, however, it is said that an Alux will provide protection, luck, and aid. In fact, some traditions hold that a farmer can erect a specialized form of Spirit House in order to welcome in an Alux that will aid them for a contracted period of time with tending crops, summoning favorable weather, and guarding property. What's more, there exist naming taboos that reflect themes of Celtic Faerie Lore.)

The Guarani Pombero (A spirit particularly important in Paraguay, though it appears in multiple mythological traditions from the surrounding area. The Pombero is generally conceived as a small hairy man who lives in forested areas and abandoned sites, and is known to cause mischief for humans. It is said that the Pombero can become invisible, change shape, and perfectly mimick the sounds of the wild. Usually, he is considered harmless, if mischevious—known for antics like food theft, the loosing of cattle, and the scattering of household objects. Though, he is also known also known to occasionally abduct and/or impregnate women, resulting in the births of hairy children. The Pombero is capable of being appeased, however, through offerings such as cigars, liquor, and honey. It is even said that, if these propitiations are observed consistently for long enough, the Pombero will take a liking to a person or persons and provide protection for their home and posessions, as well as leaving gifts of their own in return.)

The Tupi-Guarani Curupira (A spirit described in the folklore of Paraguay, Amazonia, Brasil, and Argentina as a little man with bright red hair and feet turned backwards, which it uses to obfuscate the trajectory of its footprints. They are said to live in the wild, and will prey on hunters who take more than they need, or who harm animals while they care for their Offspring. They are also said to ocassionally abduct and/or impregnate women, resulting in strange or unexplained births.)

The Iroquois Jogah (A race of magical little folk spoken of in Iroquois lore. They are said to be largely invisible, and an array of phenomena are associated with them, such as mysterious drumming noises, rings of bare earth, disembodied lights, and "bowls" found in stones. Offerings such as tobacco and fingernail parings could be left within these stone bowls, as propitiation to the Jogah. They are fond of mischief and games, though they can also be dangerous if disrespected. It is said, for example, that they will cause illness in homes constructed upon sites that they favor. The Jogah are also known for the variety of sub-groups into which they can be divided, generally associated with particular aspects or features of the natural world.)

& the Māori Patupaiarehe (Beings described in Māori mythology as a pale folk with red or golden hair. They are said to live in the mountains, hills, and deep forests in communities unseen by human eyes. They are known to influence the mist and clouds, to play music sweeter than that of any human hand, and were said to sometimes act with hostility towards humans who encroach or intrude upon their land. Despite this, however, most traditions state that Māori are able to converse with them at times.)

These are only a selection of traditional beliefs, though there are many more I won't attempt to list, and who knows how many more I've never heard. These are merely ones that have particularly caught my notice over time, and which seemed worth mentioning here. However, I am far from an anthropological expert, and I encourage others to ammend, contextualize, and add onto this information as they see fit—especially if they come from a culture I reference here. My goal is not to imply that all of these traditions are somehow directly connected to the Anglo-Celtic traditions, or that Anglo-Celtic mythology should be the cornerstone by which all folklore is considered; it's just the cultural background I have the most personal connection to/understanding of, and so I aim to speak mainly from a place of my own experience (though, I am actually half Paraguayan as well.)

So, in conclusion, while I do think that one's own cultural and regional context generally plays an important role in how one is likely to encounter the Gloaming Folk, I believe that people from virtually every culture have the capacity for working with them. I think that, when attempting to approach the Fae, it's a good idea for one to come at it from the perspective of their own heritage and regional lore, but at the same time, one can't always help the way spirits end up cultivating relationships with them (and, honestly, I think it is better for one to wait for the Fae to approach them whenever possible.)

[donnerpartyofone]

Hello, Sqwincher Zero and I are here to tell you to take this heat wave seriously. I had never heard of Sqwincher Zero before I took this picture with the intention of making fun of its name, but I sure wished I had some later that night. I will not invite you to scrutinize the series of bad decisions that I made yesterday leading up to a serious and avoidable medical emergency, but suffice it to say that none of these decisions were extreme or unusual for a fun grownup weekend. If anything I dialed it back a little, consciously, and I believed I was drinking plenty of water. It wasn't enough. I was feeling fine until I suddenly wasn't. My awareness of being Severely Dehydrated came on very quickly and then the next few hours were a scary nightmare. I am OK this morning and reviewing certain life choices and also our state of emergency preparedness.

I'm an extremely fortunate person. I have access to clean water, good food, and an amazing person who I tricked into marrying me, so someone is there to help me when I can't help myself. I am also in reasonably good health--which perhaps helped lull me into a false sense of security, especially at an age when my health is inevitably, normally changing, but I just haven't been paying that much attention to it.

Last night when things suddenly became very dark, I was struck with the intense and undeniable awareness that I needed emergency intervention. Like I should have called 911. I knew it for a fact. I have never experienced such a thing before. I could not get past the mental block of admitting that I was having an unprecedented physical crisis. Telling my husband to call 911 just seemed too radical. But I thought about it for hours. I even had a whole fantasy like, OK if my husband called 911 what would they ask him? What would they tell him to do? Instead of acting on this I just gave him little instructions one at a time. Let's draw a cold bath, let's move the fan, let's get a bucket, let's get a couple bottles of water, refill them now please. I was thinking very clearly, I was thinking about my temperature, I was monitoring my water intake versus how often I got sick. The one respect in which I was being irrational (besides my series of careless decisions during the day) was that I could not admit that I needed a doctor.

It's really easy to say things like "Don't be a tough guy, take care of yourself," as if the problem is strictly attitudinal. But switching gears into (for lack of a better term) self-care can be extremely psychologically complex. Being macho or too proud is one thing. Being habitually, neurotically afraid to frighten or inconvenience other people, or ashamed of drawing attention to yourself, is another thing. Being self-destructive and passively suicidal is yet another thing, with deep and insidious roots that can affect more things about your behavior than you even know. And finally, acknowledging that you are experiencing the paradigm shift of a Real Emergency, which might require scary and expensive and unpredictable new activities to get you out of it, is a whole other thing entirely. This is going to sound like an exaggerated reference point but whenever a serial killer is caught and people start saying that the spouse "must have known", they're not factoring in how hard it is to accept that your whole reality is changing and everything is very serious now. Even if the evidence was glaring, it would be a lot to process. There's even a thing in the book Interview With the Vampire as I recall, where somebody says it has been no big deal for vampires to hide their existence through the ages because humans will do extreme mental gymnastics to convince themselves that everything is normal. This all is more or less what was happening with me while I was refusing to call 911. I mean I knew that I should, I just couldn't make the leap.

I should say that my poor husband had no idea how bad it was. To him it just seemed like I'd had a little too much fun, and he was being patient and attentive. None of this is on him, I didn't explain things until I was out of the woods. One thing I feel bad about, that I rarely think about even though it's majorly true, is that not taking care of yourself can frequently, inevitably become someone else's problem. It cannot always stay private and contained forever; if you are incapacitated somehow, you will become someone else's chore.

I want to repeat that I didn't do anything that a normal adult wouldn't do on a Friday night. None of my actions were that extreme in and of themselves; I didn't even have alcohol in my system anymore by the time this struck. But I was not factoring in the weather, or my age, or anything like that that would have been important. We don't have an air conditioner at the moment because we have been luxuriating in our new well-ventilated apartment and enjoying the fact that we can survive with just box fans. I radically underestimated the potential consequences of just toughing it out and going about my business. I need to think more carefully about such things, and mentally reorient myself on preparing for emergencies instead of just reacting "if anything comes up". And I should also supplement our first aid supplies with something that isn't just for cuts and colds. I'm lucky I had cold, clean water, but at some point I really needed electrolytes and vitamins, and there was just nothing to be done for it late at night. I have a lot more thinking to do on this general topic, but it's time for me to get up and drink more water. And maybe go buy some Sqwincher Zero.

[batri-jopa]

I just read this conversation on reddit about being aegosexual and cupiosexual with a person arguing how you absolutely can not be both at once because those are two totally opposite terms and so how you should not even ask about something that obvious...

Well I love mathematical logic with all my heart but I also am aware how it doesn't always apply to our imperfect real world. Even less to the living people.

In other words: it's just not that simple.

How I see it:

Stage 1: Let's pretend you're planning to have a meal so you look into the fridge. It's full of fresh and potentially tasty products but literally nothing you see makes you want to eat it. Imagining yourself eating any particular thing may even make you feel weird or disgusted. You assume that you're just not hungry [-> you are asexual]

Stage 2: Imagine you see some people eating with pleasure. You're surprised to find out that you actually enjoy looking at them eating their food. Exactly the same food that seemed so unappealing to you before. Later you find out that even thinking about other people eating their meal can be enjoyble. And that all of a sudden it makes you feel hungry. But still - imagining yourself eating exactly the same type of food as them - to you is not appealing at all. The thought of putting yourself literally in their place takes away all the pleasure [->you are aegosexual]

Stage 3: Imagine you are alone and trying to visualise yourself in the act of eating... something. You can not for the life describe what it is, it's totally unspecified thing. And it is not even important. It's the conception of eating process itself that seems so very enjoyable. It makes you feel reeeally hungry. You don't know what you'd like to eat but you're certain that you DO want to eat something good!

Now being wiser after Stage 1 - you decide to go to the biggest grocery store in the area and there you spend a lot of time looking for the best food for your desired meal. But still nothing you find is appealing to you. Even though you are undeniably hungry and you have whole range of options - you can't find anything you'd actually want! You may recognise few things that you think should be potentially tasty - but it doesn't change the fact you'd need to force yourself to put it in your mouth. [->you are cupiosexual. AND still just asexual]

(Confused as hell you fill your stomach with water until you stop feeling hungry)

Aegosexuality is said to be enjoying watching, reading or just imagining things in third person but never including yourself. When consuming media you "cease to exist"

Cupiosexuality is desiring to do some things including yourself... only with nobody specific. There is the longing - but the thought of doing it with any particular person seems not even a bit as appealing as the act itself.

According to mathematical logic there is no direct opposite between "two people that are NOT me" and "me but with NObody specific"

So maybe it is not possible to be like both at once in the same exact moment - but I'm not convinced it can't be taking turns in one person.

[cilil]

𝐃𝐞𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐞 | 𝐍𝐨 𝐅𝐨𝐫𝐜𝐞

𓄌 Characters/pairings: Gothmog x Eönwë (Firebird) 𓄌 Synopsis: Gothmog has been looking for an opportunity to meet a certain Maia again. Eönwë is hoping to become the target of a fierce hunter. 𓄌 Warnings: Smut, rimming, Eönwë is weird, Gothmog is a Balrog so it's monsterfucking 𓄌 Oneshot (~1.4k words) | AO3

"There you are, my pretty." 

Wide blue eyes met glowing orange when Gothmog stepped out of the shadows where had kept himself hidden.

"You are one of the Dark One's Maiar," Eönwë whispered as if the mere mention of Melkor was sinful, the plumage on his wings fluffing up defensively. "You shouldn't be here."

"I am," Gothmog said nonchalantly and walked closer. "Are you afraid?" 

He was curious more than anything. The object of his desire was a warrior like himself, of that he was certain and his lord believed it too, but the other Maia's fána was tense and anxiety written all over his face. 

"I can defend myself if it comes to... that," Eönwë said. Eyes narrowed, he surveyed the fire spirit in front of him. "You seem familiar." 

Gothmog chuckled. "Aye. We have met before, bird."

"Where? I don't–" 

"Have you truly forgotten? You wound me." 

Eönwë blinked. His brow furrowed as he searched his memory, until finally realisation struck. 

"Did you... were you the one who took me when I was caught by the Dark One's snowstorm?" 

"Yes." Seeing his uncertainty, Gothmog held up his hands. "I swear I didn't hurt you. I only brought you home." 

"You... were the one who..." Eönwë appeared to be lost in thought for a moment, then shook his head. "Well. And now?" 

"I, uh... just wanted to see you again?" Gothmog shifted on his clawed feet. 

"Not claim me?" Maybe he was imagining things, but for a moment Eönwë seemed almost disappointed.

"Claim you? Why?" 

"You have horns." He pointed at the magnificent pair sprouting from Gothmog's forehead. 

"Yes? I always do." 

"Oh." Slowly, Eönwë folded his wings. "Well, the Feast of Horns is currently taking place again, so I thought..." 

Gothmog didn't know too much about the customs of Almaren's Maiar and shrugged his shoulders. "My lord just told me it was a good opportunity because many of you would be out and about." 

He eyed the dejected-looking herald who politely nodded along. 

"Did you want me to? Claim you, I mean?" 

Eönwë's feathers immediately went up again, this time accompanied by a bright red blush.

"Would you enjoy that?" Gothmog continued to press, stepping closer. He was in range to smell the other Maia now and tried his best to hide the fact that he was greedily inhaling his scent. It was subtle, especially in an environment where plants and animals were abundant, but he caught it without fail, having familiarised himself with it when he had last held the herald in his arms. 

"Maybe?" Eönwë looked around sheepishly as if he was convinced that one of the Valar would jump out of the bushes to scold him for fraternising with an enemy. Still, there was undeniable excitement slowly seeping into his demeanour. 

Taking this as an invitation, Gothmog reached out to pet his head. The pale blonde locks were just as soft as they looked, as were the feathers on his ears that made them look like tiny wings attached to his head. 

Eönwë leaned into his touch for a moment, lowering his head in the manner of birds wanting their neck feathers preened, but then recoiled suddenly. "No." 

Gothmog withdrew his hand. "No?" 

Regret was written all over Eönwë's face immediately. 

"No, I meant... just not like this." 

"What do you mean then?"

He bit his bottom lip. "More... forcefully."

Gothmog frowned. "Isn't that forbidden on Almaren?" 

"Well, yes, but... you wouldn't care about that, would you?" 

"You speak in riddles, bird. And while you are pretty and I meant what I said about seeing you again, I won't be walking into any traps or let myself be ridiculed." 

Eönwë vigorously shook his head. "No, that... no, not at all. I swear it. I merely thought..." 

He seemed to be fighting with himself for a few moments longer before he answered. "I just want it like that, you know? Passionate, violent. But the others won't even hunt me properly. No one has come for me yet..." 

His shoulders visibly stiffened. "And I thought maybe you would be interested." 

"So you just want someone to be rough with you," Gothmog concluded. 

"Yes."

He reached out again, and the other Maia didn't protest. This time he seized a fistful of his hair and pulled on it, dragging him closer. 

Eönwë let out a small moan. 

"Like that?" Gothmog asked. 

"Yes. Exactly like that." 

It was all the encouragement he needed to throw the herald to the ground and pounce on him. Eönwë was struggling and frantically flapping his wings like a bird caught in the jaws of a predator, and it felt great to overpower him and hold him down with his mightier fána. Gothmog bit his shoulder for good measure, his fangs leaving deep marks. 

"Still enjoying yourself, bird?" 

"Yes, please go on." 

"As you wish." 

A chaotic coupling in the woods of Oromë wasn't quite what Gothmog had envisioned for this encounter, but he considered himself lucky. He had anticipated a more hostile and cautious reaction from Eönwë, certainly not to be asked to pretend to prey on him. 

And he would make the most out of it. 

Once he had successfully pinned his catch to the ground, he tore off his garments with his teeth. Eönwë watched him with a strange sort of tranquillity, dazed and intrigued by the display of monstrous ferocity, and it was a lovely sight. He was so sweet in Gothmog's eyes that he briefly considered eating him after all, but then he had a better idea. 

"Will you take me now, Hunter?" Eönwë asked demurely when the fire spirit rested his large head against his lower body, curiously nosing his hardening cock. 

"Better yet, you shall become a most delicious meal," Gothmog chuckled.

Not waiting for further questions, he placed Eönwë's legs on his broad shoulders, careful not to injure him with the sharp edges of the crystals growing on him, and dug his claws into the pliant flesh of his ass to reveal the tiny, twitching hole between his cheeks. 

He'll need some practice anyway if he ever wants to take a cock inside that, he thought and leaned forward to begin licking it. 

Eönwë's reaction was both immediate and intense. His heels dug into Gothmog's shoulders, his muscles tensed and trembled, and sounds so wonderfully obscene he hadn't thought them possible escaped his throat. 

"Yes, please, right there..." 

Only he would say please while getting eaten out by an Úmaia in a forest, Gothmog thought to himself, feeling a strange fondness budding and blooming in his chest. What a precious little bird he had caught himself, so different from the heroic persona crafted for the public eye. There was something intimate about seeing him like this. 

Even when presenting himself in such a lewd manner, Eönwë was so enticingly pure. The way he reacted to being touched this way made Gothmog wonder if it was his first time letting another enjoy his fána. His flesh tasted like fresh rain and smelled like a summer breeze, full of life, warmth and beauty, and every inch of it was as clean as if he had just returned from a thorough bath. 

Slowly but steadily, he worked his tongue inside. Eönwë was tight and despite his best efforts not quick to yield, yet Gothmog remained patient. His work was, however, brought to an early end when he felt muscles tense and was greeted with the sight of pearly white seed staining a heaving torso. 

Patting Eönwë's thigh, he withdrew and removed his legs from his shoulders. The prospect of fucking that tight little hole right then and there was tempting, but Gothmog decided to hold back. He had given his favourite bird a taste of bliss, just as he himself had tasted it, and hoped to have roused his curiosity enough that they could meet again in the future. 

Eönwë had turned his head to the side and hidden it underneath one wing, still panting heavily. 

"I am ready," he declared. 

"Not today, bird," Gothmog said. "Your hunter has had his meal and may in time return for another, should you wish it." 

"Y-yes... that would be nice." Eönwë wrapped his other wing around himself as well to complete a protective cocoon of sorts, shame hitting him hard now that his lust died down. 

Gothmog ruffled his feathers affectionately. "You're very pretty, and I don't mind you being a freak, if that is your concern."

"I am not–"

"Sure thing, bird.”

Thanks for reading! ♡

taglist: @angbangbaby @a-world-of-whimsy-5 @blauerregen @bluezenzennie @edensrose @elanna-elrondiel @eunoiaastralwings @i-did-not-mean-to @just-little-human @saintstars @singleteapot @urwendii @wandererindreams

[dizzythegreat]

Keeper of the Lost Cities meta: a hopefully-not-too-critical analysis

Starting off by saying that this whole thing is a just little too pretentious and a just little too fueled by irritation so don't take everything I say as fact! I'm just kind of ranting about things that I feel like most people are annoyed with (?) please share your thoughts with me! I think it's important for discourse like this to happen to keep fandoms alive!! non-Keeper mutuals feel free to DISREGARD!

First of all Keeper has such a special place in my heart, I started reading the series when I was 12 and I'm 16 now, so I really did kind of grow up with the books. I LOVED the series as a kid and hyperfixated on it for a really long time. As the series progresses and as I read it from a different lens, I'm seeing all of the flaws so much more clearly, so this whole rant basically stems from realizing something so special to me is flawed media and wanting to get my thoughts somewhere. All of this comes from a loving place! I'm just putting down my top few issues with the series and my opinions on a lot of different elements <3

DISCLAIMER I'm doing a reread but I'm only on book 1 and my memory is shit. Any false information is literally not my fault leave me alone

1. Length, redundancy, and predictability

This one really starts in Flashback #7 for me. It will always, always evade me why that book contains ~300 straight pages of Sophitz fluff and fucking around in the healing center. I know that a lot of people enjoyed those parts, which is totally valid! Shipping is a cornerstone of this series! But for me it felt so pointless and fan servicey, idk. And this is maybe my biggest problem with the books: they drag. We're at 9 and a half books now, each spanning like 500-800 pages, and the plot drags and drags and drags. I don't know if Shannon's publisher makes her fill a certain number of pages or what, but I feel like at least 100 pages of bullshit could be cut from each book and nothing would change. They start to almost follow a formula: 200 or so pages of figuring out the Neverseen's plan of the hour, another 200-ish to plan how to defeat them, and then finally we learn that the Neverseen is actually always one step ahead and the crew gets crushed oh my god tragic!! It worked as a subversion of expectations the first couple times but by now I feel like most people could basically just predict what's going to happen in any given book. Sometimes I wonder got left on the cutting room floor because it feels like SM wrote a first draft, barely trimmed it down, and published just that. The plot spins in circles, the protagonists are confused yet again, I am pulling my hair out in chunks.

It's a huge turn-off to a lot of new readers seeing these super thick books, and it's even a turn-off to me when I do rereads because surprise surprise, I don't actually really give a fuck if Fitz likes Sophie back, or at least not enough to read 300 pages on it per book. If the books were more concise, not only would that fix a lot of the plot and character development issues, it would also make them way more digestible because to be honest with you I probably couldn't remember half of what happens in most of them.

2. Sophie...

I think this is a very polarizing opinion but I just kind of don't like Sophie as a main character? I honestly think she's fallen victim to becoming a Mary Sue and not even in a "wehhh powerful woman make me mad" type way! It's just that Sophie at her fullest power is undeniably the most powerful elf in a battle, so to counteract this, Shannon has to keep finding ways for the Neverseen to take away Sophie's power. Whether through the whole "she can only inflict everyone at once" thing or breaking every bone in her hand or creating forcefields or literally fucking anything to stop this kid with five million superpowers, they have to find a way to effectively tie her down so the battles seem somewhat realistic. This then creates a weird pattern where every battle goes one of two ways: Neverseen finds a way to effectively debilitate Sophie and all her friends, or she just goes fucking sicko mode and destroys everyone. You just can't have a main character who's this much ahead of everyone else in terms of raw power.

For me, I think the biggest issue with Sophie is she's not relatable to the average reader. The age demographic for Keeper is preteens and teens. How many 13 year olds are the most powerful, unstoppable person in their friend group, in which three hot guys are head-over-heels in love with them, living in very comfortable conditions, with like five hundred friends? If you were that fucking baller at 13 then go fuck yourself that's super cool for you! But the core pillars of Sophie's life, disregarding the all the magical stuff (which obviously requires some suspension of disbelief) are simply not relatable or recognizable to the average reader. So how are we as readers supposed to feel connected to Sophie's life and situation if we never have (and let's face it, never will) experience anything close to the more realistically human parts of her life?

3. Character development (and the lack thereof)

Say what you will but to me the character development is so pale and arguably just doesn't exist. It feels like everyone has become so one-dimensional, so predictable, and so limp. Sophie has it the worst because we read from her POV, so all of her quirks and thoughts become really fucking annoying to read over and over again. For example, The whole oblivious "omg does Dex like me? does Keefe like me? DO I LIKE FITZ???" thing was cute when she was 12 back in book one but by now I am genuinely tearing my hair out when I have to read "Sophie blushed" every two pages. The whole "I'm a freak and nothing I do ever works and all is hopeless" thing was easy to feel sympathy for the first few times, but by now it's just kind of... exhausting? It feels like the naïve, oblivious Sophie from book 1 is exactly the same person as Stellarlune Sophie, no matter how many hideouts SM makes her burn down to prove she's ruthless or something. At this point, I feel like Sophie's choices throughout the series end up either being really predictable or wildly out of left field.

Every character other than Fitz, Keefe, and Sophie (and you could make a case for the three of them too) have become a shadow of themselves and they all get at most two conversations worth of pagetime. This can be attributed to a lot of things that I don't feel like talking about so here they are in point form: excessive focus on the main "love triangle", overloaded cast of protagonists, too much emphasis on A) furthering the plot and B) Sophie's inner thoughts instead of character relationships and found family. I think the books have lost sight of the original love, trust, and bond created by the five mains, and those super interesting dynamics between the different sets of friends that were so abundant in the first few installements have become few and far between. When I was a kid, I loved the books for the warm friendships and soft moments between Sophie and Dex, and now we're lucky if they even really talk to each other if not to push the plot. Biana barely exists, Marella and Linh show up every once in a while to be gay as fuck and then leave, Stina turned nice and then immediately went back to being a bitch because SM, for some reason, un-did all her redemption, and everyone else fucks around until they're plot-relevant. Where's the squad where's the crew where's the homoerotic undertones?!

4. Miscellaneous whining

Fitz's character is wildly inconsistent imo. I love you Sophie but I'm going to consistently get mad at you over irrelevant things and ice you out even though you need my support! Your boyfriend is for the streets girl

Fuck this whole half-book thing I'm sorry. Understandably, things have slowed down now that SM has two kids and I'm really truly happy for her and I'm glad she's taking time out of her work for herself and her family. But when she keeps releasing these weird novellas every year as some kind of "solution", it really just seems like a cop-out or a cash grab. I wish we could tell Shannon that we don't necessarily need a 700+ page novel to consider it a book! I personally would love if book 10 was more concise!! Let's just get this plot moving a bit!!

Sophie burning Gisela's book BURNS MY BLOOD. SM just had no fucking idea what she wanted that book to say + it would probably end the series too quick so she got Sophie to burn the most crucial piece of information they could have ever used under pretense of "refusing to follow Gisela's trap" or whatever OH MY GOD

Sooo many dropped plot lines/plot holes there is no way this shit is being resolved in the next 1 and a half books. See you all in 2034 for book 13.125

Sokeefe endgame was great but so predictable. Half the reason most people read this series is for the will-they-won't-they thing with Sophie, Fitz, and Keefe (justice for Dex!), and I think it was executed very badly. You could predict that Sophie and Fitz would burn out, you could predict that she would end up with Keefe, there was net 0 suspense by the time Fitz made his 500th dick move. I know I just complained about things being stretched out for so long but this one could have done with some taking it slow without making it obvious what was going to happen

Can Marella and Linh just kiss already

Anyways this all comes from a place of loving frustration. Oh Keeper my love, look what has become of you. Ultimately, SM started a fantasy series without knowing the ending, and it's spun out of control, but what can you do? I appreciate the series for what it is, I wish it was better, but I'll always love it. Through all my bitching and moaning I'm still rereading it to this day so who's really winning here? Please rb and comment and dm I love discussing Keeper!!! If you think I'm an idiot tell me!!! If you agree with me tell me!!! Don't be a dick!! Thanks for making it this far! Don't forget to like and subscribe and smash that bell

[melloneah]

How would a female near, mello, and Matt be in your opinion? Would it affect the story?

oh. my. GOD. you have opened the pandoras box rn.

so tbh ive never thought about this before u sent me this ask but god do I have some stuff to say now that I’ve given it a little tinker

obviously this will be deeply rooted in my own belief system and personal experiences bc it’s undeniably connected to gender stereotypes and nature vs nurture

Prepare for a literal essay rn. Proper punctuation and capitalisation n shit.

To start, I wanna mention that my belief is that men and women don’t differ that much in behaviours and personalities inherently or biologically, but they’re raised based on stereotypes and assumptions which forms them into individuals that are either more masculine or feminine (behaviourally, so stereotypically). This is not including the slight biological differences that testosterone vs estrogen might cause, as i do not have much knowledge on the specifics (sorry I hate biology…) and obviously some people can be born with an innate tendency towards stereotypical masculinity or femininity in their personality.

This will require me to make some assumptions regarding how old Matt, Mello and Near were when they joined Wammy’s house. Also, obviously, this analysis will be based on if they were raised as cisgendered females; this is really important to analyse how their personalities could differ based on their experiences.

So let’s assume: they all joined Wammy’s House at a young enough age to have no real recollection of their biological families. This means that their guardians’ parenting styles had no real effect on their personalities (at least no effect on their typically gendered characteristics). This also makes it easier as we have a little bit of insight into what Wammy’s could be like in the context of parenting, while we have none on the biological families. This will still pretty much be a guessing game, but at least the guesses will be somewhat calculated.

Now we could be optimistic and claim that Wammy’s is “above” gender stereotypes and the (often unconscious) differences in raising girls vs boys. As much as I would love to believe this, I feel like the story being set in the early 2000s already negates it. I am a strong believer of the fact that society and your general environment greatly affect you, no matter how hard you try to break free of the mould. There will always be internalised beliefs and tendencies for certain actions caused by your environment that are just beyond your control, and they are often unconscious. Trying to change ones biases is hard work and a long process demanding self awareness and dedication.

Roger and Wammy are old men; as much as I’d love them to be allies💅 that don’t let gender affect their decisions and behaviour towards people, I do think the bias is inherently there to some extent. They wouldn’t decide against a girl being L’s successor simply because she’s a girl - they’re above that - but I do think as girls, Matt, Mello and Near could have a tougher time at the orphanage.

Ok moving on to specifically how/why it could affect their personalities. (god this is getting so long already I am so sorry)

Mello

We all know Mello has a super fiery personality and is filled with determination, so this one is the most fun to think about for me!!!

Most importantly, her looks would be very feminine. She’d love fashion, love skirts and dresses, and be stereotypical in that context, but would be VERY PROUD OF IT!!! EXCEPT. Her personality is canonically extremely contrasting to her looks/style. She’d get in so much more trouble at Wammy’s for being loud and bullying others, because it would just be more shocking for the teachers to see a girl act that way rather than a boy. There would be no concessions. No getting out of any smallest bit of trouble just because “boys will be boys”. But this wouldn’t make her timid; it was bound to fuel her anger even more.

It was infuriating to her when people saw a "girl in a leather mini skirt", and on account of that she wasn’t taken seriously in the pursuit of her goals. But when she acted up, all eyes were on her, and the punishment was always dire.

This also brings me to the fact that getting into the mafia was NEARLY IMPOSSIBLE. Nobody took this teenaged girl in stilettos seriously, so she had to improvise. Mello as a girl would have had to be far more ruthless in her journey trying to join the mob. Crueler. Angrier. Scare people by drastic means and desperate measures into finally taking her seriously and seeing her as worthy of respect. I think female Mello would have had much more blood on her hands, and would have been really scary...

I also think Mello would be a radical feminist. She would eventually HATE MEN as a whole, as she’d get objectified SO MUCH in the mafia. She’d just be completely done with their shit, so much so, that she would just channel her anger at an entire gender bc she was just fed. up. (and probably a little traumatised)

Her most hated phrase is “that’s not ladylike”. She values her femininity very much, and hates when people use empty stereotypes to belittle it. She can scream her head off at Near and still be a Lady!

Near

Studies show that autism is only diagnosed at a 4:1 boys to girls ratio, which means that if Near were a girl, she may not have had the access to as many accomodations. She’d still be supported in many ways, but it could be done hesitantly. Her timid behaviour and hobbies could be seen as “feminine”, meaning that if she’d ask for accomodations, the necessity for them could be doubted. (I know Wammy’s probably doesn’t officially diagnose, but Near imo desperately needs accomodations to simply function) (also, this section is very much so an “if” in my mind; it could happen depending on the level of unconscious prejudice in the orphanage, but it’s extremely dependent on the staff).

I don’t think Near being a cis girl would really affect the plot, though. I genuinely believe Near’s character transcends gender a bit, maybe he’s immune to the influence of different methods of parenting? He’s just himself and doesn’t care if people tell him he should “go out and play” or “just be a boy”.

Matt

We know the least about Matt’s canon personality, so this will mostly be based on what I believe him to be like. We know that he doesn’t care about much, and he likes games.

I think Matt is the most “boyish” of our Wammy boys, so in my mind, as a girl, she’d be quite the tomboy. Her personality wouldn’t be that much different. She could have been force fed more “girly hobbies” rather than gaming (not sure if he picked up gaming himself, or if someone introduced him to it). If he was in fact introduced by someone to video games, I believe that as a girl, she could have been shown different hobbies that are more traditionally feminine instead. Or maybe just a different game, like the sims? (the sims 1 came out in 2000 so could happen) then she could branch out into different games herself.

IT is also a very masculine interest in people’s eyes, so when she found an interest for it, she may have been slightly discouraged by teachers, but that didn't stop her, and as soon as she started being decent at it, the teachers respected it.

I do feel like as a girl, the one thing that would definitely change in Matt is his attitude. She would simply care more, as she’d spent her childhood fighting wearing skirts, fighting for her hobbies and trying to run from stereotypical femininity.

She wouldn't be particularly furious at the world, more irritated, so she wouldn't chew someone out for telling her to wear a dress for an assembly - she'd just flat out refuse wearing it and ignore anyone who'd try to persuade her.

She didn't understand why everyone is so insistent on a girl having long hair or wearing make up, and it made her feel like she couldn't be herself. She always wanted to feel like a girl, but kept feeling like it was against the rules without looking feminine. She spent a long time feeling out of place, alienated and desperately wanting to be part of a community.

Once she got comfortable with herself, I feel like she'd constantly pick up typically boyish hobbies to piss people off. (But she would genuinely enjoy them too of course!!) (and be entertained by people getting mad at stupid and pointless shit like a girl being into cars)

ok jesus i spent hours on this. it’s 1400 words. i dont know how i managed this. i struggle to write 500 word essays for uni……i am normal about death note i am normal about death note i am normal about death note 🙏 ummmm enjoy? and please let me know what you guys think!!!

[getsuuna]

another day, another dumb ass take from KNY TikTok Fandom !!!! /extremely derogatory

the topic of the day is Uzui's family, and it all started off from a girl on TikTok affirming Tengen's marriage is strictly polygamous, which could be a valid opinion from a certain point of view, but let's dig further.

she was specifically referring to people portraying them as a polyamorous relationship, and strongly opposed to it, going so far as:

•blocking people who tried to discuss (including me)

•making a mockery video on it (which she then deleted due to threats in DMs, which I don't justify, no matter how rude she was)

•unblocking me trying to discuss further, except all she did was talking to me as if I was an uneducated and misinformed fool, and eventually blocked me again after speaking utter nonsense

so, what was the nonsense about?

it started with Suma, but I'm sadly going to have to digress on Tengen himself. she denied Tengen being a polyamorous character, because "he's polygamous and no you cannot be both"

now, I indeed spent lots of time educating myself on labels as a queer person, but I am not polyamorous, so correct me if I'm mistaken: Tengen is polyamorous by definition.

I never denied that Tengen is in a polygamous marriage, but he's polyamorous.

Uzui's family was in a clan that canonically practiced polygamy solely for reproduction purposes, which, by the way, is usually the reason why polygamy was practiced in different cultures, and it's obviously rooted in misogyny. even the manga itself portrays this tradition as dehumanizing for women, it portrayed the historical reality of women being seen as possession and inferior worth overall.

Tengen, too, was forced into polygamy, but literally most of his character revolves around the fact that he detached himself from that toxic environment, and he was the only one that actively valued his wives' lives more than his own.

briefly, he was the only one that actually LOVED his wives, unlike every other male member of his clan in such polygamous marriages.

yes, he's in a polygamous marriage, but he loves all of his wives equally and they're all obviously consenting to that relationship as an actual marriage, and not as an excuse to make babies. polygamy was never about feelings and love, unlike polyamory. Tengen is undeniably polyamorous, and he's widely seen and known as polyamorous representation.

yet this kid apparently had the nerve to deny that, and also denied that polygamy as a concept and as a practice is misogynistic and messed up. "there's people who are ok with it" maybe because it's tradition forced upon them??? "polyamory didn't exist back then" 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 neither did every queer label that we now know and use. sexualities weren't labeled nor legal, and it absolutely didn't mean they weren't there, and the sole fact that she assumed that made me want to just give up on that so-called argument we were having.

I wasn't even irritated anymore, just disappointed but not surprised. she just kept bragging about the same 2 phrases over and over and assuming I didn't know nor understand what she was trying to say.

what maturity level do you actually expect to give off if you start the discussion by assuming I don't know what you're talking about, using annoying and ironic pet names and just going "uhrm I don't think you understood...! hope that helps...!" ??? I unfortunately lack the patience to deal with such buffoonery but overall it's basic common sense that someone who wants to have an actual discussion should NEVER behave like that. it's not really the fact that she's wrong that pissed me off, it's the attitude, the fake superiority complex kinda vibe.

moving on to what was supposed to be the initial topic: their whole polygamous marriage being or not being polyamorous.

they're not all legally married to each other, the 3 women are only legally married to Tengen (which is the point that homegirl repeated to me over and over again as if I didn't have enough comprehension skills while reading the manga)

HOWEVER, just because they're legally recognized as polygamous doesn't mean the 3 women can't be interested in each other as much as Tengen is interested in all 3 of them.

polyamorous Tengen ≠ polyamorous relationship, we get it, but what if? Gotōge revealed that during the marriage interview, Suma proposed herself as a wife instead of her sister,, and immediately after, they also revealed that Suma is bisexual.

oh, wait, the bisexual label didn't exist back then, yet bisexuality existed indeed! 💋

but that's besides the point, because bisexuality obviously doesn't imply polyamory...however², Gotōge has coincidentally revealed this cute little fun fact right after speaking about the fact that she begged to be Tengen's wife.

Tengen's father apparently chose the wives for his sons basing himself on the "chemistry" they seemed to have with them (still NOT love btw, if we take in consideration how poorly Tengen's brothers treated their wives) and he chose Suma's sister alongside the others, yet Suma still crashed in. then Gotōge put a comma and added "it seemed she preferred both men and women".

technically, specifying that wasn't necessary, especially since Suma is married to a man. but can you see where this is going??? it was stated for a reason, and, even better, it was stated right after that sentence for a reason.

call me delusional or call it a headcanon, but the point stands, plus this silly bisexual woman lives every day of her life with 2 other pretty women and they're all a big family. I think it's valid to assume they kiss each other.

and homegirl took it personally🙏🏻 she defends polygamy but draws the line at polyamory and queerness, the irony🩷 also, she's christian. I absolutely don't want to generalize but I see a pattern.

anyways, I don't want people to harass her or send her threats, I was just pissed off by her immature behavior but hey, she was the fuel for me to make this brief analysis which I thought was basic analytical skill😭 this Fandom never fails to cross a line I never even knew was there🤞🏻

[livelovecaliforniadreams]

I Am All In Rewatch - Episode 1x13

I did enjoy the Luke stuff. You know, the Rachel stuff where the L McPherson girl that dumped me and broke my heart. I I thought back to New York City when I lived in New York and I was studying acting and doing theater and all that stuff, and you know, going out at night and meeting models and things like that. You know it was you know, so I knew what I was drawing from in those moments. I when I saw that scene, I said, oh, yeah, I've been that guy. I yeah, that's that's from experience. [It was such a major revelation to the audience and to Lorelai, like wow, and how you went so just like bleep crazy over the sweatshirt.] Yeah, that was that was that was the big relationship that that really rocked my world that I will never recover from. [Yeah, and it helps us with that timeline clarity because that was happening the town knew but Laura la wasn't totally privy to all of it.] -Scott 

[So how do you think Lorelai felt finding out about Rachel? Because we know I'd love to learn more from you what Luke felt. But what do you think Lorelai felt?] Well, Lorelai feels you know that now she's she's sort of considering. I think Lorelai is kind of on the fence. I think she feels a certain way about Luke and that's undeniable, right, there's an attraction there, but is she going to act on it? And I think that's really the debate that's going on within her. Is this, you know, whereas she should have been having this debate with herself with Max Medina, she's having this debate with with Luke because they are such friends and they've known each other a long time, and she goes there three times a day sometimes, um, usually once at least once a day. So it's a you know, it's a real practical question, right, how she's gonna she is she gonna alter her her schedule, she gonna alter her daily life. If that blows up, she won't be able to go to Luke's anymore. And it's like, so she's having that debate, but learning that he was with you know, the the the uber fox girlfriend that was the road the road went to Pamplona, Spain and ran with the bulls or whatever she did, wildlife photographer and like jumped into volcanoes since it all rode bulls like, you know, dove into hundred foot cliffs, into tiny little bodies of water, you know, just a wild, wild woman. Um. And I think Lorelai, yeah, And I think Sooki nailed her she was jealous, or she was measuring herself against this, and you know, maybe that's why Luke doesn't make a move on me, because I'm not pretty enough and I'm not wild enough, and you know that kind of I thing.-Scott

Well it definitely, you know it really it really kind of um solidified Luke's bonafides as a man. [I will say it gave you a lot of cred.] It did. Right. She's like you know now she Lorelai's sitting back thinking, man, Luke's cooking with gas. You know what I'm saying. [Actually, that's so accurate. It took your stock up, even though it probably terrified her, and she's like, how do I compete with that? At the same time, she's like, wait a minute...] Let's get let's maybe get in the fight here. Let's let's get some attention. This guy might have something going on behind the curtain, you know, what's happening there? And that the fact is, and another thing that really solidifies his bonafides is he wouldn't move out of Stars Hollow. For El McPherson, it's like he's still the grounded guy and simple guy, practical guy. No doing his business. He wasn't. He wasn't moving. -Scott 

[But man, and you were mad? Is that the maddest we've seen Luke?] No, No, when I I when when they were talking, when Sooki was and Lorelai were at the counter talking about Max Medina, No he's so dreamy this kind of thing, and Sooki came behind the counter. He flipped. I don't think he's ever popped at anybody in the show like that. Maybe maybe Taylor once in a while. But I thought that was just anyway. [So Luke has two ticking points the sweater and Max Medina...Yeah, it's like Luke can get pissed. Feisty? How would you describe it? how do you describe sort of that reaction to the sweatshirt?] Just hurts and he's confused, he doesn't know why she's wearing it. He thinks he probably thinks that she knows about Rachel and she's just wearing it to provoke him, and he can't understand why. He's not really thought it out, but he's just reacting. [You tried to get rid of it, though you tried. You tried to get rid of it because you put it in the rummage sales stuff.] Right, But why is she wearing it? [Right? Why did he take it back? And don't understand why he took it back] Because she offered it and she was being really cool with him. [And he wasn't ready to let it go. He tried. This is my take that Luke tried to sort of get rid of it, like we all do, to sort of erase that memory of that person that we love, and then it shows up in his face. He's all hurt, which is a great way to describe it. And then he's he realized is like, I'm just putting this back in the closet. I'm not ready.] So Lorelai in you know, in sync with him enough to realize that he's not ready to move on and that that's not going to help him move on, that he should keep it because the only thing that's going to help him move on is some Lorelai. Right? So that empowered her. -Scott

[milkovichrules]

sorry to come into your ask box but i just rewatched mickey’s coming out scene and i just… i get choked up every time. i love ian but i also feel like he pressured mickey into coming out. of course he had to set his own boundaries but he KNEW how badly mickey was treated when it came to his sexuality, it’s almost seemed cruel to give him that ultimatum in some way. but then mickey comes out and all he could do was look at ian and ask if he was happy!!!! like i cant even explain all the emotions noel was able to put into his voice in that moment, it literally break me just thinking about it! he knew what was coming and he still only wanted ian to be happy.. thats really just something. i dont even have words for it but i wanna let out the loudest scream about it

hello sweet thing!! you're always welcome here💕

tbh the coming out scene always reminds me of noel's fucking beautiful ig post about Ian's character but especially 'the truly remarkable thing about Ian's inner courage is that it's infectious. to put it simply, he's brave and an undeniable reminder to those around him; they can be brave too.'

I used to absolutely not be at all but I am definitely an Ian defender about this to a certain extent.

like do we enjoy ultimatums? fuck no. it's a shitty way to go about it. BUT I have to think about what's probably going through Ian's head, right? keeping in mind he's in/just coming down from what we can only assume is his first ever manic episode.

mickey came to find him, literally carried him home and protected him from creeps. gave him a place to stay and didn't just plonk him on the Gallagher's doorstep, actively chose him over his marriage. went to the Gallagher's when Svetlana kicked him out and asked him to come back, agreed to do whatever he wanted to get him to stay with him. slept next to his tiny bed on the floor.

mickey kissed him, full on made out with him in public!! that's so huge!! he accepted an invitation to a little gay party with ian's new friends. he slept in the same bed with him without fear in a house full of strangers!! he doesn't even know that mickey told that guy that they were together 😭

we all know mickey is an acts of service girlie but Ian is the kind of person that needs to hear it too. and when Ian DOES ask it's 'of course we are'. like it's a given. mickey doesn't need to have the conversation, but Ian does. and as far as mickey's concerned 'it's working out so far so good' to be a couple that hides.

there's a million reasons mickey might want to still keep them a bit of a secret (though its a pretty open secret at that point). sure I think some of it is to protect his reputation, to not have any sort of weakness, and to some extent I think he feels a lot of pressure in protecting the reputation of the Milkovich name, no matter how infamous it is. maybe because of how infamous it is.

but I also think it's because what he has with Ian is theirs. and its something in both of their lives that's genuinely really beautiful.

like not to bring up 3x666 but that's obviously the moment that the bubble really burst. he had built up this little secret life with Ian behind closed doors and he was opening up! he was falling in love! and once people (Terry) found out it was just ripped open completely. ruined. I think there's some element of mickey wanting them to be back at that place before it all went to shit. which of course, they never can be.

just like when Ian starts heading for the door in the alibi. he doesn't think mickey's going to do it. Ian's going to walk out and not see Mickey for a while and then in a few weeks it'll be 'just cuz I've got a wife and kid doesn't mean we can't still bang' like it was back then.

but now mickey knows what it's like to lose him and he doesn't ever want to do it again (which 🥲 but anyway)

the fact that when Ian tells mickey he's sick of living a lie mickey's immediate response is 'I'm not lying to you' somebody fucking sedate me

and of course Ian wants mickey to come out so that they can be together but 'you're not free' absolutely kills me because he just wants mickey to be okay with being himself openly. and 'what you and I have makes me free' and ian's FAAAACE but then Terry shows up and he has to watch mickey tear himself away and go straight back in the cage and it hurts. of course it hurts.

so Ian drinks a little and lets himself stew and shoves mickey toward the edge of the cliff.

mickey's voice when Ian tells him not to bother coming back and he says 'what the fuck are you talking about?' breaks my heart every time because they're fine, aren't they? they just have to get through this bad thing and then they can go back to their little bubble.

mickey's always in survival mode, just varying degrees of severity. you can see him, literally see it on his face, weighing the options.

what's gonna happen if he does nothing? he's going to watch Ian leave. again. he's going to get blackout drunk and go home with his wife and his son and his fucking dad and wake up like that every morning for however long he can stand it. he's going to be walking on the eggshells of his own broken heart.

what's gonna happen if he says something? he's going to be physically hurt. he's going to bleed. he's going to have to bite and scratch his way out of that bar unless he's arrested or knocked out first. there's hopefully enough people around to keep Terry from straight up killing him. and what else? Ian stays. Ian stays and they get to go home together. take care of each other. sickness, health, all that shit.

so he does it. he shouts and he bangs on that table and he says it and hes fucking brave!! because he might think he's fucked for life but he has one beautiful thing that's worth fighting for!!

oh my god and him asking 'you happy now?' I fucking knooowwwwww honestly it makes me a little bit? insane? there is SO much going on there.

fucking getting everyone's attention to announce he's fucking gay and 'I just thought everyone should know that' and then looking at the only other openly gay person in the room and going 'you happy now?' jEEEEEsus like?????????

the eyebrow raise as well like 'you know exactly what's gonna happen now' and of course it does.

but Ian absolutely no hesitation gets stuck right into the fight!! and he says 'I've wanted to do this forever' which, same babe. I too would take a chair to the back wrestlemania style to defend mickey milkovich.

all my blorbos shitty dads I would be in your walls but you're all dead so✌️

[orenjae]

plot twist (seungcheol)

pairing: seungcheol x fem!reader genre: fluff, romance, slight angst, friendstolovers!au, university!au warning: profanity wc: 3224

Is love really complicated or we’re the only ones who are making it seem as it is? An exasperated sigh escaped your lungs as you  looked up at the sky. There you were again at the rooftop of your dormitory building, trying to figure things out. Gaslighting yourself that you could do it in one sitting. But who were you kidding, though? Nevertheless, you needed the time—a breather, perhaps?

“I knew you’d be here.”

Your head immediately turned towards Seungcheol. There’s no way you wouldn’t recognize that deep voice. Even with your eyes closed, you already knew it was him.

“Cheol?” his name slipped from your tongue the moment your eyes met with his gaze. He looked a bit worried from what his eyes could tell. “How did you know I was here?”

“Am I disturbing you?”

You chuckled, shaking your head.

“No. Not really.”

Exams were finally over and instead of going out to party just like everyone else did from your block, you went out to seek for peace. Seungcheol placed both of his hands inside of his pockets and looked up, letting out a sigh.

“The stars look beautiful tonight, don’t they?”

Your forehead creased at how random it came, but you wouldn’t disagree, though. You diverted your gaze towards the shining stars from above and nodded your head.

“They do…”

“Are you okay?”

Seungcheol noticed how faint your voice were when you replied. You turned your head towards where he stood and caught him already looking at you, his eyes meeting yours. There was a certain tension that his look held enough for you to avoid his gaze. 

“I-I am…” you cleared your throat as you looked away. You forced a small chuckle that came out a bit awkward as you tried to ease the building chaos within you.

“Just tired, I guess?”

You heard him heave a sigh. 

“I know, it must have been awkward for you…”

Your eyes automatically shut close at the thought of what happened as it flashes back to your mind. 

“I shouldn’t have said that, right?” he asked, looking at you.

Mustering all your courage that you have in you, you stood up from your seat and took a step closer to where he stood—face to face. You looked into Seungcheol’s round eyes and without thinking twice, held his hand. He was taken aback by what you did that he slightly flinched at your touch.

There’s that undeniable spark. Just holding his hand was enough to send thousands of volts running through your spine. 

“Stop blaming yourself, Cheol.”

“What?” 

The look he was giving grew more intense the moment he asked that. You could only let out a small sigh.

“It took me a long time to realize and finally admit it. I was afraid this might happen and now the horror’s kicking in…” Seungcheol sounded so frustrated but he still managed let out a nervous laugh as he looked away in frustration.

You knew to yourself it was all your fault. It’s not like you don’t share the same feelings as him—you do. For goodness’ sake, you’re all about him. But there’s just one problem that you couldn’t get rid of. It’s not his fault nor anyone’s but yours. God knows how much it frustrates the heck out of you that you find it hard to risk everything again.

No, it’s not that hard to fall in love again. As a matter of fact, it’s as easy as counting from one to three. But what’s hard is stepping into a big decision as committing. Because it would mean putting yourself, your trust and your all at risk. You already did once and it left you into a complete mess. So messed up that even after it happened, you still can’t see yourself fully recovering from it.

“Cheol, there’s nothing wrong with you…” you said, trying to make him look back at you. “I’m the problem here. It’s all on me.”

“Is this because of what happened before?”

Your shoulders fell upon hearing that question. Even the thought of it makes your stomach churn. How the anxiety quickly rises as your chest starts to feel the familiar twinge of pain you have always tried to ease. See, you were young and naïve and everything about love felt foreign to you. All you ever knew was how much you loved that person that you didn’t realize you were seeing him through rose-colored glasses.

For what seemed like the nth time, you heard Seungcheol let out another sigh causing you to  look at him. If it wasn’t for all the shit you’ve been through leaving you so fucked up in the mind, none of these would have ever happened. Maybe giving him a chance would be as easy as knowing the words to your favorite song. Seeing him like this because of you made you hate yourself so much. He didn’t deserve any of these but it’s just the way it is. You still don’t feel deserving of what he’s offering.

“You’ve known me for years, Y/N-ah. I know what you’ve been through. Do you still think I’d let you go through all of these all over again?”

It was the same question that lingered into your mind. Seungcheol left after he convinced himself that the conversation was going nowhere. He left after telling you to just meet him at the Christmas fair. You let yourself get lost with your own thoughts and stayed for another hour or two—just sitting there and  letting your mind take control. So engrossed with whatever’s running round your head that you didn’t have any idea how the hell you found yourself standing in front of your dorm’s doorstep.

“Where have you been?” 

It was the first thing you heard the moment you stepped into your dorm and was welcomed by Minjeong’s worried face.

“It’s already 2 in the morning. Who knows what could’ve happened to you?”

“Minjeong-ah, you sound just like my mom.”

You gave her a small smile, removing your coat. Minjeong has been your roommate since freshman year in college. Minjeong had both her hands placed on her tiny waist as she looked at you with questioning eyes.

“Yah, you didn’t answer my question!”

“Just somewhere.” you smirked, leaving her wondering. 

“Seungcheol messaged me.”

It was enough to get your attention. You looked at Minjeong as you raised a brow at her.

“W-What did he say?”

Minjeong shrugged and flashed her phone right in front of you. Your eyes automatically ran through the whole conversation.

“He was just asking if you’re already here. Guess someone knew where you were all along.”

You could only let a small oh after that and slowly nodded your head. So even after you did him wrong, he still decided to check up on you. Seungcheol had always been like that towards you—always looking after you. He knew how far your parents were from you and you only have Minjeong, Seungcheol and his family in the city. 

“We met earlier…”

“Hmm…” Minjeong uttered, guessing. “Why do I feel like something’s wrong between the two of you?”

There’s literally nothing you can hide from Minjeong. She just knows everything by just merely observing and there you were, the ever so transparent Han Y/N. Even if you don’t say a thing, Minjeong will always know.

“I know what’s up, you don’t even have to tell me.”

You let out a groan as you rolled your eyes.

“Fine, I like him too! It’s just that—“

“You’re scared.” Minjeong interrupted, finishing your sentence. 

Exactly.

“I won’t blame you if you still are, Y/N. But this is Seungcheol we’re talking about. You’ve known him for years and know you longer than I do. You trust him more than you trust me. The two of you basically grew up together. What are you even afraid of?”

Two years ago, you fell in love with someone so deep that pulling yourself up felt too impossible. You thought he was the one just like how you wanted yourself to believe in. Turns out, everything was just a lie. You see, the thing about falling and being in love isn’t just about the rainbows and butterflies just like the old fairy tales told. It’s something beyond past that and there you were who all ever wanted was to love someone and be loved at the same extent.

“I just don’t want to have the same nightmare again. It’s all too much, Minjeong.”

A tear rolled down your cheek. Remembering all of it makes your heart ache. It’s the feeling you’ve been trying to bury at the back of your mind for months. Minjeong engulfed you into her arms and rubbed your back for comfort. A smile crossed your face as you hugged her back.

“It’s scary, I know. There are way too many reasons to be. But what if it works this time? After all, it’s Cheol…”

God, if only Minjeong knew it has always been your greatest what if. If only it had been Cheol at the very first time. Why does he have to come at such a wrong time? Not when you don’t feel so deserving of his love. You admit that you still weren’t at your best and still trying to redeem yourself from all the bad decisions you’ve made. It would seem unfair to him if you let him just like that and the extreme anxiety of ending up just hurting him just because you couldn’t solve your own issues.

However, thinking about it. Seungcheol has been there with you since day 1. Through your ups and downs, he always got you. He would always look after you—walk with you after class back in high school and even now in college whenever your schedules match, study with you during exams, listen to all your rants and even your gossip. Seungcheol never left your side no matter what phases you go through in life. There’s no doubt you grew liking him more than just a friend.

He understood you when nobody did, even yourself. He stayed with you during your darkest days, celebrated all your triumphs and never failed to make you understand that even the smallest achievements in life are something to be proud of. Choi Seungcheol is literally a walking green flag and though the idea of being with him sounds so irresistible, you just can’t.

Out of nowhere, your phone buzzed.

Cheol sent you a message.

You stared at his message for a good minute before your fingers started tapping for a reply.

A tch slipped from your lips, finding yourself smiling. You knew for a fact that Seungcheol has been looking forward to the Christmas Fair that the university’s going to hold tomorrow and you promised to be his date. After all, how can you say no to Choi Seungcheol? 

Even after you rejected him, you find it somehow amazing how he’s not letting it affect whatever the both of you have. Like it didn’t hurt him at some point at all. But you knew how good he was at hiding his emotions sometimes. He’s always been so rational when it comes to things and even if things should be awkward right now, he managed to do shove it all away.

And just like that, your phone rang.

“What?” he asked nonchalantly, causing you to frown.

“I just want to apologize…”

“For?”

“If lately I’ve been nothing but awkward towards you, I guess?”

You heard him sigh from the other line. There it was again—the disappointment that transpires with his sighs. 

“I told you, it’s fine. Stop thinking about it already, Y/N.”

It was your turn to sigh, dropping your shoulders. God knows how bad you wanted to tell him how your really feel but the timing and situation seemed a bit inappropriate. It’s not something you just do over the phone.

“You’ll be there tomorrow, right?”

Seungcheol let out a small chuckle, can’t believe you for asking such nonsense questions. 

“I’m your date, remember?”

“Right…” you replied as you tried to suppress the awkwardness your bringing in with a nervous laugh. “But you’d be busy, though?”

As far as you’re aware, Seungcheol is part of the organization committee that organizes the event. Perks of being a member of the council of the whole student body. No doubt he’s been busy lately. He’s been juggling his final exams while taking part in the said event.

“I don’t think so? I’m done with my part so I’m all yours tomorrow.”

Every year, the university holds its annual Christmas fair. It’s like a uni-wide fair where students can enjoy after examinations and before the holiday break. It’s also like a year-end celebration for everyone every holiday season.

“Aish, there are a lot of people…” you muttered under your breath as you squished yourself into the pool of people swarming around the area. 

Food carts were everywhere, flocked by students trying to grab themselves some good stuff. And across the field was the stage where the bands are performing. All of a sudden, a pair of strong arms snaked around your waist, pulling you away from the crowd.

“Gotcha!”

“Yah!” 

You lightly hit Seungcheol on the chest. You were pretty much startled by what he did, but good thing he got you out from the sea of people. 

“You scared me, Choi Seungcheol.”

“Sorry about that.”

He flashed a boyish smile, scratching the back of his head while looking so apologetic. He looked cute, you won’t even deny it. And he looked really dashing even if he’s just in his casual clothes.

“How did you find me?”

In that huge amount of people you’re trying to get through, it would be really hard to find someone in the midst of the crowd. Not to mention, you’re not that tall of a person but then Choi Seungcheol begs to differ.

“You weren’t really hard to find, Y/N. I’d always find you, you know that.”

There’s really no point of denying the fact that it actually made your heart skip a beat. You caught him smiling at you like an idiot, still can’t believe how natural those words came out from his mouth. Guys are such talkers, aren’t they?

“Bet you haven’t eaten yet…” Seungcheol guessed, grabbing your hand before pulling you away with him again.

He lead you to their office (student affairs) after getting something to dig in from the food stalls outside. Their office was oddly empty when the both of you got there that led you to a presumption that the other officers must have been busy with the event.

“I was expecting this room to be a little… busy. Where’s everybody?”

“Out and about with their boy and girlfriends, I suppose?” Seungcheol replied, shrugging.

The two of you happily munched on your food. How can you not? It’s chicken wings!

“I’ve been hearing rumors that The Rose’s going to perform tonight, is that true?” you asked him out of the blue.

Truth is, you knew about that already. It’s just that the silence that surrounds both of you was killing you. You can’t afford a dead air between the two of you. Especially not with Seungcheol. It felt totally unfair to be that awkward when he’s around as you tried to kill your own thoughts just so you wouldn’t spoil the moment.

“Seems like everybody knows and you still don’t?” Seungcheol chuckled, messing up your hair a bit. He loves doing that as if he sees you as a puppy.

“Oh.”

“At exactly 9PM, I should think?” he replied as he glanced at his iWatch that read 8:14.

And when the clock ticked at 9, you found yourself in the middle of the school field with Seungcheol waiting for the set of The Rose. After a few minutes of waiting, Beauty and the Beast began to play.

All throughout the performance, everyone was drowning in the beautiful melody filling the air. Seungcheol stood behind you, hearing him humming while singing from time to time along when all of a sudden, you felt his arms gently wrapping around your body.

“C-Can I?” he asked before he could even fully close the gap between the two of you. Nodding your head, butterflies began to swarm across your stomach. There’s something with this touch that you liked, gives off a certain feeling that you knew to yourself you’ll crave once it leaves you. Oh, you might get used to it but who cares? Seungcheol was already hugging you from behind, holding you like he’s afraid you’re going anywhere.

But who were you kidding? You weren’t. It felt so good, you would fall into melancholy once he lets go. Right there and then you swore you don’t ever want that moment to end.

“Beautiful life, you and I. It’s a beautiful life, you and I…” he softly sang to your ears as he rested his cheek on the side of your head, gently leaning onto it.

Blood rose to your cheeks instantly as your lips slowly formed into a smile. You tilted your head, tried to look up at him and your gazes met right away.

“I’m tired of saying sorry to you all the time, Cheol.”

His thick brows furrowed, forehead creasing in confusion. 

“What do you mean?”

Fuck your fears. There’s no way you’re going to let this moment pass, let this man go even. He saw you at your best and stayed with you at your worst. God knows how much patience this man has stored, waiting for you all these years and finally telling you that he loves you. Even if you are a mess, he still finds you beautiful. It’s rare to find someone who’s willing to fight your demons with you and here he is. And if he’s ready to jump with you no matter what the odds are, then you’re in for it.

After all, you’d rather risk it all than to regret it for the rest of your life—not knowing what could’ve been if you choose to let him go just because you thought you don’t deserve his love at any extent.

“The truth is… I-I love you too.”

It wasn’t that hard to notice how his ears turned instantly red upon hearing you say that. Disbelief filled his mesmerizing eyes as he stared at you, obviously still processing what he just heard.

“Y/N…”

There really is something with the way he says your name. It sounded beautiful when it came from his lips. And just like that, the next song played. 

I love you, our love is true

(Hug me) Time is passing by

I love you, our love is true

(Hug me) Don’t let me go

“I love you.”

You repeated, smiling at him. Turning around to face him, you tiptoed and wrapped your arms around his waist to hug him back. You looked at his eyes before placing a soft chaste kiss on his cheek and resting your head on his chest.

“God, I’m sorry for making it so complicated but really I love you—“

He caught your lips—not letting you finish, and kissed you in the middle of the crowd while The Rose was playing I.L.Y and that’s the exact moment the first snow began to fall.