#this is an irl thing too . just a lot of shit rn ! so ill be trying to work that out for myself

[reorientation]

zyn anon. sorry to spam your dms, i just have some updates i can't really share elsewhere lmao. only one of my irls know im fucking this boy but she doesn't know it was for nicotine pouches lmao

im not even "exchanging" my "services" for zyns anymore. i didn't like them at all, but id still occasionally ask for a tin or two here and there. to not let it get to his head ☺️. a month and a half later im just doing it for free 😒 he makes jokes now that im not even fucking him for product. and jokes that he got me addicted to him instead. so you were right about me becoming a budding addict for a straight mans cock.

we never had a convo about us being official, but he made it clear early on that he wants to be the only guy fucking me rn. i asked if he sleeps around with other girls, and he said he doesnt need to when im so eager for him. :/. he calls me his girlfriend in front of his roommate and gamer friends, too. but not to people we know mutually.

he's also a lot more affectionate now. we've been on an actual date, it was surprisingly romantic and really sweet, and not just me blowing him in his car. though I did after but that's not the point.

i pretty much dress exclusively femininely outside of our programs unisex uniform, i used run errands in boymode but im not even doing that anymore. i have a chosen name that can be shortened into something kinda feminine sounding so he just calls me that. even in front of classmates who dont know i have a pussy, and one that hes been inside of. and the "nickname" is catching on with our classmates too lol.

z anon. forgot to include the update. sorry, i ramble a lot.

i skipped my last two T shots ☺️ im still waiting on my iud appointment in a few weeks. unfortunately this also means i havent really been letting him inside me as often, since im still really scared of pregnancy especially this early on in this weird situation. i am blowing him a lot though lol. it's a win win for me since being on my knees for him with his cock down my throat is so damn hot, especially when he's kinda fucking my face and pulls my hair during it. but fuck its probably been at least a week since his cocks been in me and i miss it. a lot lol. hes so manly and strong, i miss how feminine i feel when im under him. his body would just inadvertently pin me in place, im painfully aware of how small and feminine i am in comparison to him. how truly heterosexual it all is.

but i cannot trust myself bro like i know even if i insist on him using a condom ill end up asking for him to take it off. if he doesnt outright refuse. and like it's so difficult because that turns me on more. i know ill end up having his dick in me sometime before I get my iud, i just gotta be responsible and power through the demons.

im still dysphoric through this situation, especially since stopping T and the fear of like. the few times hes cum in me before havimg a little more serious consequences. despite taking plan b after each time. but the horny part of my brain has never been happier. whenever i feel like backing out, i send him nudes or text him smth risky just for extra self encouragement. but he's on a camping vacation thing rn with his family, and the service is shit and i miss him 🥺 even outside of sex.

like I want to become his girlfriend, truly. and that would have me become a girl for him. which basically means becoming a girl fulltime. i guess that would actually just be going back to being a girl. all for a straight boy 🤦🏻

its hugely dysphoric but kinda nice, like a part of me hates how he's so much bigger and way more masculine than me without any effort, even outside of us having heterosexual sex. i get so dysphoric that he's taller, bigger, way stronger and just so clearly male. but apparently, i enjoy being a girl for him more than i hate it.

(Previously)

You know, Anon, this is awfully romantic.

I mean, listen to yourself. You got into this as a whore, offering to suck his dick for discounted nicotine pouches, but now you're pining over him, and wanting to be a proper girl so that you can be his girlfriend. You're definitely still a whore, but you're a whore with a heart of gold.

Not a smart whore, though. So scared of pregnancy, but you stopped your T before getting on real birth control, knowing that you can't stop yourself from begging for his bare cock. You're so desperate to be a good girl for him that you're consciously ramping up the risk of having his baby, just so that you can return to full femininity a little sooner.

You know, I got this anon after your last ask:

They're not quite right, in that this first update doesn't include a pregnancy announcement. But it's been a bit since you sent me this, and reading what you sent me, it's not hard to imagine you having already gotten started on the path to being a cute little baby mama to your straight boyfriend.

But even if you haven't... You're never going to be able to forget what this was like, will you? Losing your virginity to a straight man, and so easily losing your identity with it. Being pinned down by him with your legs spread and his bare cock in your pussy. The simple force of a man on top of you, and how simple it was to slip back into womanhood and welcome him in.

[narwhalandchill]

a bit more serious/negative note on childes characterization and fandom perception, saw a post where the tone upset me quite a bit

i did do a whole vent/rant/cathartic 2.4k words of writeup on this yesterday which like did help clear my thoughts a lot but in hindsight is way too long to just release by itself so i suppose ill just summarize my thinking now

so i would really appreciate it if a certain subset of childe fans reading his character a specific way (the trauma, identity crisis, dark abyss experiences, etc. - you know the one) could stop acting as if its this like. superior canon proven hoyo intended most real and intellectual way to look at his character and interpret his narrative. as opposed to just one reading of the canon material among others. and im sure most people are civil but ive seen this tone enough to just need to get this off my chest rn.

like im not "missing" something or being "tricked" (what?) by childe or the narrative. its not some naive ignorance about this reading being a thing and the ways people argue for it. ive read his lore. p much memorized it rly. and i simply did not find the arguments that compelling or feel that inserting this additional layer of subjective interpretation atop my understanding of the canon text did much to enhance childes narrative potential or characterization for me.

simply put. applying this super strict irl psychology logic (bc yes a real 14 yo going thru some irl version of ajax' backstory would get severe psychological disturbances as p much given. i know what the DSM-V is) to fantasy game characters isnt how i enjoy engaging with childe or any character really.

genshin is a fantasy game and fantasy as a genre has always readily sidestepped things like realistic psychological consequences of various heavy experiences in favor of building a compelling narrative whenever necessary. i dont find arguments relating to irl psychology particularly relevant at all on the subject really. if you enjoy this approach, go on, have fun! but please understand that its an interpretation that people can disagree without being "wrong" or failing some arbitrary reading comprehension test.

like the dismissive tone i see from people who simply cannot comprehend that like no, this take isnt some universal truth of hoyos that every person will glean from reading up on childes lore and appearances if theyre big brain and intellectual enough is just... really fucking rude? and alienating.

im not going to go on a like whole ramble on all the things that i personally see very much as hinting towards childes characterization going quite a different direction than this popular heavy self-doubt, psychological angle would suggest. its my interpretation after all, and could be proven wrong the way any interpretation can. but for now ive read his lore for years and looked into every single tidbit that involves him and so far hoyos writing of him hasnt given me any convinving case for changing my view drastically anytime soon. and id just like to be allowed to exist in this fandom space without being randomly jumpscared by posts alleging im reducing his character to this or that just bc i see his greatest narrative potential elsewhere.

theres enough insane shit and incredibly interesting lore relating to his overall role in the story and the cosmic scale of teyvat as a whole to be invested in already. like taking childes character as depicted to us and how in-game content characterizes him at a relative face value as opposed to seeking an implied internal struggle of sth hidden and repressed is me simply finding that take the most unique, fascinating, horrifying, compelling and exciting way to see him instead. thats what i love about him and his character. like im sorry, in my eyes the dark past corrupting innocence and trauma angle has just been done to death already in media. childe can have something actually different and breaking those tropes is what makes him stand out for me!

anyway. this whole situation is not sth i wanna start flaming ppl for or make into some drama, i try my best to stay on my lane and let ppl live even if i disagree w these sorta takes on childe. and i just wish for that grace to be extended towards myself too.

[vypridae]

9!!! 10!!! 11!! 12!! 13!!! or pick and choose <3

IDK WHICH FANDOMS U MEAN BUT IM GONNA DO EACH ONE AND ILL JUST PUT MY HAZBIN/HELLUVA ANSWERS UNDER A CUT SO U DONT HAVE TO SEE THEM

9. worst part of canon

ok the worst part of dgrp canon has to be the way they handle characterization, like especially with trauma. specifically in mind i have korekiyo rn, like they mega rushed his entire Thing and wrote it in a way that paints HIM in a terrible awful light when it very likely (or definitely) wasnt that at all, but the way it was written just fucks up so, so much. also the Danganronpa Repitition TM (flashbacks to

bsd uuuh oh my god i have to think about this one cuz i love bsd with a passion BAHAHA its hard to find flaws with that one (in part i havent consumed the media in forever), ik it might be just bc the series is still being written but its irritating that some things from like the first seasons are just not touched upon again? and maybe its because ihavent read the manga but like. did atsushi join the ada and suddenly the bounty on his head is just Gone? am i misremembering if they went back to that or not its been like a year since ive watched bsd i need to rewatch it but thats about all i can think of. im not even mad about the not killing any characters because fyodor is alive still

10. worst part of fanon

dgrp has a TERRIBLEEEE shipping fandom. i hated oumasai for the longest fucking time because i encountered this one rper way back when that like was a mega red flag SBGJKFDHGKA i hated them for a while after that (then they grew on me). you get shit on for liking, like, the more toxic ships in the fandom no matter your reasonings or whatever, and i feel like its just a really negative place to be a shipper that likes to explore bad dynamics (such as i)

i think the worst part of bsd fanon is similar. shipping sides of fandoms are ALWAYS bad i feel like, and there are a lot of people that will be like "skk is real fuck you for shipping anything else" or like "if u ship nikolai with anyone but fyodor i dont trust u" or something like??? its a fucking ship chill out its fictional it doesnt hurt anyone irl CALM DOWN

11. number of fandom-related words you've filtered

for bsd uh . only two surprisingly, and its two ships that i cannot physically make myself like?? thats all apparently

for dgrp i have uuh two and its literally also only two ships that i dont like BHASFKAHSK

12. the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them

for bsd am i allowed to say fyodor? idk if he necessarily counts as "unpopular" but i see way more hate of him than i see people liking him, but god fucking dammit i love him with my whole heart. hes so evil and those kinds of characters litearlly just make me gravitate towards them, hes so smart and cunning and you can do so much with his character, especially learning his ability oh my god? jhes so complex and i love him

for dgrp, i feel like every character is "unpopular" BAHSAJKAHk but for this i think i wanna go with chiaki. people hate chiaki because shes "boring" or at least they Did back when i first got into the series but shes so different in the game compared to the anime because the game shes based on her classmates' memories of her! shes only this "perfect" individual because thats how her entire class saw her, like she was made the class rep for a reason

13. worst blorboficiation

ok this one im trying to figure out what the fuck the definition is BAHAJSHFAJK from what im SEEING its like, the character that doesnt deserve to be liked as much as they are. (i dont think i answered this one correctly but shh its fine)

for bsd thats really hard for me to think of because i like literally every character but uuh if i had to say one ig i'd say uuh . maybe dazai? i feel like this is in part because people typically take away from dazai's entire complex everything because he's too complex for a lot of people (including me) to truly understand, like im not saying i understand him but i feel like a lot of people will take the wrong parts of him/exclude anything they dont like about him and go with that? if that counts but idk i still like dazai so i cant say that too much

for dgrp its the exact same situation with kokichi. they take his character, of which is incredibly complex, and dumb it down into the typical fandom woobification of "uwu baby who cant do anything wrong" LIKE!!! STOP!!! NO HE IS NOT!!! HE IS SO COMPLEX AND YOU'RE LIKING HIS CHARACTER FOR ALL THE WRONG REASONS!!! people that dont understand the complexity behind certain characters and are incapable of taking that as their blorbo and instead creating this silly incorrect version in their mind and making THAT their blorbo i just. thats not ur blorbo atp thats ur oc my guy

hazbin/helluva answers

9. worst part of canon

both of these shows are kinda not the best when it comes to being serious???? like there are some topics that shouldnt be joked about i feel like, and there are points in the shows that joke in relation to these topics. also theres not enough voxval but thats a criticism for another time

10. worst part of fanon

not even just the ships tbh, its liking any character thats either painted in a negative light or is just generally unpopular. the ships too but i could get to that another time. for EXAMPLE, me, i like valentino. a lot. he's one of my favorite characters. i feel like i cannot express the fact i love val because i will get called an ACTUAL rapist for saying it because "if you like val you condone his actions and thus are a rapist/terrible person/etc" when thats absolutely not at all how it works. i acknowledge that val is terrible, i understand that its bad, but i can still enjoy him as a character otherwise. his actions are what i dont like, ive never liked him (i actually hated him at first because of it but then i saw him being more silly in the series with vox and he grew on me), but you will actively get told to kys if you say that you even REMOTELY enjoy vals character

11. number of fandom-related words you've filtered

i have none for helluva but for hazbin i have four. three of which are for the sAME SHIP and one is another ship i dont like

12. the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them

MIMZYYYY dude she gets so much unnecessary hate. like, everyone sees her as annoying and terrible and i GUESS i can see where they're coming from but a. theyre in hell, everyone's terrible, b. people just see her as annoying because she interrupted hells greatest dad and they dont like that because they want their radioapple song or wtvr. i love her and no one can convince me otherwise

13. worst blorboficiation

ok THIS one i might actually be able to answer with the correct definition of blorboification. i feel like alastor gets way too much unnecessary love, and maybe thats just because i think hes too popular for being what he is but hes just not all that to me. like, hes a good character, yes, but some people like him to an extent that i feel like doesnt do him justice?? its like i said with uuuuuh the dgrp side of this question, they dumb down his character a lot and are just generally bad at making him ACCURATE to the point its irritating. (hey so yk how i said i could answer with the right definition of this i lied)

[d20-lesbian]

🐈‍⬛🖤INTRO POST🖤🐦‍⬛

I'm finally making an intro post! under the break you will find everything from DNI to Hyperfixations/Interests, plus a new tagging system I'll be using so my blog isn't such a wasteland <33 Enjoy

alright lets start with some info!

My name is Onyx

I'm a non binary lesbian

I use they/xe/it and a bunch of neopronouns

I identify with a bunch of xenogenders!

I flip from hyperfixation to hyperfixation super easily but my special interests are musical theatre and psychology/mental illness. (2 very different things i know).

I'm 18 years old and Australian :3

before you follow !

I might spam reblog sometimes, but I'll have all reblogs tagged so you can mute that if you like.

I'm always happy to receive asks and such, anonymous or not!! please i want mutuals ;-;.

i might vent at times, nothing too serious of course and always properly tagged.

Just keep this in mind!

DNI IF:

- you fall into basic DNI criteria (homophobic, transphobic, racist, etc.)

- you're pro-ana or pro-sh as I'm in recovery for both of these.

- you're a proshipper

- you're under 12

- you're a Monika apologist (DDLC)

- you fake claim

- you're anti neopronouns/xenogenders

some of my triggers are ,

vomit, in any way, this is my biggest one!! i have very severe emetephobia and dont really even like the word.

IRL sans hoodies/blue jackets that look similar to that.

Sayoris death scene from DDLC

i love musical theatre, rock/metal music, LGBTQIA+ advocacy, mental health advocacy, psychology, dungeons and dragons/other TTRPGs and witchy stuff :3

I'm in a lot of fandoms, including !

DDLC, Dimension 20 (fantasy high), Danganronpa, Helluva Boss, Hazbin Hotel, Ride The Cyclone, SIX, Beetlejuice, Hamilton, Heathers, Vocaloid, Sanrio, Unus Annus, TBHK, MLP, FNAF, Marvel, NITW, Pokemon, Supernatural, Markiplier egos, WKM, ADWM, AHWM, ISWM, Jacksepticeye egos, Doctor Who, Starkid, The Hatchetfield Trilogy AND MANY MORE I CANT REMEMBER RN!!

this section will update every now and then with whatever I'm hyperfixating on !! right now its;

will wood/will wood and the tapeworms!!!

I kin !

Sayori (DDLC)

Kokichi (DRV3)

Angeldust (HH)

Jane Doe (RTC)

Fave characters are !

All kins <3

Ibuki Mioda (DRV2)

Emu Otori (PJSK)

Celestia Ludenberg (DRV1)

Ocean O'Connell Rosenburg (RTC)

Kuromi (Sanrio)

Kristen Applebees (D20)

Figueroth Faeth (D20)

im gonna introduce a tagging system to make my blog less of a messy hellscape!!

reblogs will be tagged with #onyx rbs

me yelling about fandoms will be tagged with #onyx fandom posting

vents will be tagged with #onyx sad

more serious posts will be tagged with #onyx serious

random shit/rambles will be tagged with #onyx is rambling

answering asks will be tagged with #onyx answers asks

heres some stuff that doesn't fit into any of the previous categories!

my favourite mutuals are @frogsareallgay , @elias-pluto , @tumbletryr and @teslapenguini !!

My favourite animals are black cats, crows/ravens, moths and bats! and i identify heavily with black cats specifically!! (im the real black cat gf sorrry not sorry >:3)

Some of the neopronouns i use are :3

glitch/void/moon/star/spirit/crow/moth/hallow/cat/kit/arcade/wisp

heres some links to my other socials !!

Insta: rock_lesbian

Twitter: Dnd_Lesbian

Discord: onyxjae

Pinterest: Onyx Jae

Carrd: Onyx Jae's Carrd

Spacehey: Onyx Jae

anyway, to close out, thank you for reading through all of this!! i hope you enjoy your stay on my blog !!! love yall <33

[rattotheimperialcheesegod]

I wanna rant about my opinions on certain characters and aphmaus own character (mainly the cast of the "smp") this may be garbled since im just going off whats on my mind rn

SMP and OG series talk

Now Im not the biggest fan of mystreet, but im not a hater, i think its og first three seasons are fine (third seasons plot was straight ass through) but after season 4 and all the multiverse and mcd and mystreet worlds are in the same timeline thing, kinda made things werid

(especially with season 4 oh my god wtf was that)

But now that i see how those characters are used now.....for fucking cocomau content...

...I can't really give mystreet shit cause its cast was sent right into kid sensory video hell or just hell since a lot of characters didn't end up in the cocomau smp unless it was highschool themed videos (RIP katelyn and travis, forever in highschool puragatory dimension)

But those who were spared from the waste bin were cursed with a experience worse than death

Character Regression and Character Assassination

The entire cast of the aphmau smp (and one video returning characters too) all have their worst traits put to eleven or are at their most basic traits of the trope of their character where they are competely soul-less or lose past development in their character as a whole

(or your pierce, and you get a competely different personality from the og series you were from)

Now the reason why everyone is like this is of course (kids channel now) and (everyones supposed to be in a server and are irl ppl now)

But...when i said characters have their worst traits put up to eleven, is for one reason

Its so aphmau and aarons actions look better in comparisson, since shes the all perfect main character that does no wrong and is so nice to everyone and...aaron is basically the mvp of the smp, best fighter, builder, and "hottest guy" on the server and is the mysterous loner or some shit.

(Fact I hate these two so fucking much)

littary aphmau is the most overdramatic marysue bitch ive ever seen when it comes to reasons why she has the right to go apeshit on her friends and i could bring up several videos, i really could, its not hard

noteablely, the many times she has decided to just kill her best friends or ruin her friends lives out of petty reasons and childish reasons none the less, and god this girl just loves getting pissy when someone does the exact thing she did to another, since only she can steal others stuff or blow up their house, or be overpowered to a point where shes just cheating.

But oh my god, jessica you know how to make me hate all the rest of your bitches too!

(besides noi, kim and pierce, they are perfect to me, noi is on thin ice tho)

KC, Zane, Ein and Aaron are on my list of bitches I wouldnt hesitate to fucking kill on sight if i saw their color coded asses spawn into a ACTUAL minecraft server. (ill get to that color coding thing too btw)

The Asshole and The Clown

Now fuck where do i begin with these four, like all of them over the past three to four years has become the most annoying and aggrevating characters

But, just so I don't pull someones nerve with the true "fan" favorites, Aaron, the jerrysue of the smp and basically her perfect half cause hes jusr her but as a man, he's a jackass that is never called out for his asshole behavior like every other male character is, hes always put as being smarter, better, stronger, and more attractive than any of the other guys too, basically being the best alpha male ever to exist....but not really, not even a single bit

I swear this is the worst verison of aaron ive ever seen in my life, the biggest try hard ive ever seen, all the girls wanna date him, always gloating when theres someone around he believes hes better than, and god he is not nice to others who arent good at building like him. Honestly, MAN ISNT NICE AT ALL!! like only time he is nice is of course to the purple stain that is his irl wife, like the times this guy was just violent for no reason, insulting or just aggrevated around anyone was just making me feel like...

aaron do you even like any of these people??, cause ive seen every way he talks to all of the cast and he sounds like he wants them all gone and dead so he can just be all cutesy and shy around aphmau, like dude if you think all of them are annoying, dont live near by them?????

(Now, ive mentioned both the channel mascot couple of the smp, but heres the thing, when i said the other characters make these two look like angels, i mean it)

Now we are actually really digging, and we didnt even need to go far, we've already struct gold!...but theres not much...

Ein, the worst villian and most pathetic man to ever live.

What a time, season 4 of mystreet! and we got the biggest clown with the biggest alpha complex to ever exist! and the evolution of a creep in werewolves as a whole....it was fucking werid

Anyway, now smp ein is a true irl villian, hes no longer just a anime incel, hes a fucking sexist gamer incel also!

Now, Ein really isnt too interesting (wow what a surprise) really hes one of the characters who has been put to his most basic traits making him extra annoying, extra obessed with power and, of course still be madly in love with aphmau but if it wasnt known, aphmau changed alittle bit of eins lore, making him no longer related to her (only in the smp cannon tho💀) which is a good thing! but its only a change that was made for horrible reasons, being that she still needs him to be aarons rival and as i said before, be aphmaus possible second "choice", which is...normal for aphmau honestly....

(Aphmau can't have a single man on this server just not be into her, even if the guy clearly has a love interest thats not her)

Strangely though she really likes to romantically pair Ein with everyone, even men, so at least we know she still has that problem with her ocs...

Hes like her little lab rat and i hate her so so much, but fuck its hard to feel bad for him since this women will than have this man be the worlds second most grossiest sexist incel you could ever come across

wait did I say second--

Zane ro'meave and his several counts of "GET A JOB, STAY AWAY FROM HER"

(mystreet zane is fine, mcd zane is the perfect kinda villain for what mcd was, and smp zane is hell on earth, the end)--

Zane in the aphmau smp is kinda...a jumpscare in a half since you never know when hes gonna switch, cause...he has the biggest habit of either, being the biggest smartass in the room or the scariest "my lady" ass incel you could ever fucking dream apon, just every bit of his charm from mystreet that made you kinda push aside the slight every now and than werid behavior he had, its just GONE

absolutely vanished! and yknow what

I hate zane, i hate him more than i hate anyone in this damn cast, im the biggest zane hater you will ever meet, and the reason for it is cause this verison of zane is the dark universe of if zane never grew from the FIRST season of mystreet, never got humbled or anything, and also if he still acted like a hormone filled highschooler whenever any women even looked his fucking way.

Hes a creep, hes a incel, hes still sexist and overprotective of his only female friend, but now even wants to date her just to have more control over who she can't and can speak to (code for, no guy friends allowed/no aaron, bo womp) and if he isnt doing that, hes drooling and creepily mumbling to himself about the pink cat girl he has a massive crush on.

Honestly worst part of it is that he acts like this outta nowhere, and even worse, recently theres been this obession with him NEEDING KC's diary, wanting to know every single little thing about her so he knows how to woe her and even see if she likes him, which is just...

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH HIM???!!!??

APHMAU WHY DID YOU MAKE HIM BE LIKE THIS??!!??

(and hes not even punished for it, like maybe kc telling him that hes creepy or smth, nothing, just nothing, proubly cause recently they have been competely implied to be dating now)

but, its not like miss kc is perfect, oh boy, kc is...

The two sided bitch and her jealously and spite of her "perfect" best friend + shipping

Oh KC, when i first started watching all this cocomau trash, you were boring as hell, just a cute cat girl who likes to bake and be pretty, and just another yes man for that purple cunt, but ever since you started being a cunt yourself, you have only been a pain to watch and listen to, you have only made me hate you and your little lap dog of a boyfriend even more honey

So KC, our resident cute cat girl isnt really all that cute of recent, she slowly becoming more spiteful, having anger issues, being more whiney, bratty, jealous, and unloyal to her partner, creating the most toxic couple in the entire smp verse

(but this was something that was gonna happen at some point, aarmau has to stay as the perfect ship, couple goals yknow, so zane x kc has be anti-aarmau, toxic behavior all around)

Now KC is a unloyal and horrible partner for a few reasons, shes a massive hypocrite and sadly abusive.

1. She gets mad at Zane for even speaking to other girls, or even seemingly flirting with them, specifically any of the marry, date, kill videos with both of them in it can be a big example of this behavior.

But than when we look the other way to her, she gets to playfully talk, compliment and flirt with any guy she wants, and gets all angry when shes stopped from doing it, also she only does this with aaron btw, since shes jealous of aphmau having "the hottest, coolest, and sweetest guy in the server" for a boyfriend.

(aaron is littary none of those things and just pointing out more to how aaron is a jerrysue)

2. KC IS SO FUCKING VIOLENT WITH ZANE OH MY GOD, i guess aphmau still thinks when a women hits or beats up her male partner, its her being in the right or it being super duper funny and wacky!

(this entire short is an example of that)

But I will say though, it isnt just KC, their a toxic couple cause their both terrible partners, zane is equally just as hypocritical and unloyal, but hes a lot more oppessive and even more jealous prone,

(kim is usually a victim of being between the two but fr fr, kim genuinely hates zanes, aphmau just keeps making more drama for no reason and really wants ppl to also ship kim x zane, which....when it comes to everyones opinion of mystreet kim and ghost existing and everything with season 4....it is never gonna fucking happen you dumb purple cunt)

My Inner Demons-Character regression and personality switches (a short one)

Now that we are off those characters, lets end this off with our favorite little daemos!

Noi and Pierce!

Now, im a advid lover of my inner demons, its the last of aphmaus good content before the purge and its sadly the best of her writing, but the fact that she put them in the smp is a red flag, and i instantly noticed things...

...Pierce is a silly himbo goofball now that has a brain the size of a pea, and who loves sheep

and

Noi is the most basic sweet little good boy, does no wrong little guy, baking cooking and eating pizza

(now im not mad about this, since i got to know the smp verisons of them before their og selfelves)

but fuck i prefur when noi had depth and was genuinely mean and kinda rude on purpose.

im mixed with pierce tho cause i like both verisons of him, i think both verisons of him are neat, his va has good range, respect that

The End

Well thats all i gotta say, ratto out and about

[catsconflictscopicsandchamomile]

hey tumblr! hot tip!!! if you see people criticizing your fav actor/creator/celeb etc for a lack of support for Palestine and want to get big mad abt it:

ask yourself, deeply and truly, why this makes you angry. really. why does that make you angry? look in the mirror and ask yourself why.

Don't pull out the following terms: "keyboard warrior", "what have YOU done lately besides be high and mighty on the internet?", "double standards", "this is The Internet(tm) Of Course Words Matter More Than Actions", etc. because uh

NEWSFLASH DIP SHITS

THE PERSON YOU ARE TALKING TO MAY HAVE

JUST POSSIBLY

DONE THINGS FOR THE MOVEMENT THAT COULD GET THEM IN LEGAL TROUBLE IF ADMITTED

HELD OFF POLICE AT COLLEGE ENCAMPMENTS

STAYED OUT ALL NIGHT TO HOLD SPACE

GONE WITHOUT FOOD SO THEY COULD AFFORD TO DONATE

GONE WITHOUT CHORES/OTHER NECCESARY TASKS TO MAKE TIME FOR PROTESTS

*SEEN THEIR FRIENDS DRAGGED AWAY BY RIOT POLICE*

*WITHIN THE PAST TWO WEEKS*

WAITED FOR THEIR FRIENDS TO GET BACK FROM FUCKING JAIL

AND STILL KEPT SHOWING UP.

UNTIL THEY WORKED THEMSELVES TO ILLNESS.

you dont know who I am. you don't know what I'm doing. at the same goes for anyone and everyone on this site. sure, maybe they're the soyjak sjw you're picturing, marinating in sweat and dorito crumbs while they sip boba surrounded by plushies and obscure pride flags, wallowing in self-centered hypocrisy

or maybe they're not. maybe they shaved all their hair off because they had too much on-camera recognition and feared being followed home by cops, like had happened to their peers.

maybe they've been manhandled and shoved by security and police recently.

maybe they're endangering the scholarships that are their only reason to live rather than stay silent on their college's ties to the military-industrial complex.

maybe they lie to their parents and family friends and ANY older friends about where they are in the evening because they know that the truth could destroy those relationships

maybe they're Jewish and struggling to understand how their community can be so unable to see the reality of the situation

I'm not saying I'm doing The Most Ever, or even that I'm doing a lot. I'm not, not by my community's standards, not in comparison to my friends and peers, and especially not currently as im dealing with finals. I'm just showing up and doing what I can, even though it isnt much.

and I'm not going to assume that anyone saying this bs ALSO isnt doing anything for the movement

maybe you are! if so, thats great!

but fucking think before you speak because you have literally no idea who you're talking to or what their life is like. even if you're doing The Most Bestest Possible Ever for the movement rn, online and off 24/7

you have no right to pass judgement based on what you ASSUME about a stranger.

you have no right and no reason to think that anyone who "complains" online is thus inactive irl, in fact that makes literally no sense.

if you're really about genuine activism and radical action and support of this movement. why are you being a dick to people for speaking out?

and if you're not. if you just think that we're a bunch of whiny hypocrites looking for a reason to get on your high horse....

then man you are just a waste of life im sry idk what to tell u. get off tumblr, do some research, change yourself. "get better soon bestie" or something idk i dont even have words for that kinda brainlessness.

I'm just saying, I don't think the cops, or the president of my university, or the security and event staff at (REDACTED) would call me a "keyboard warrior" lmaoooooo

[deadandwalking]

Welcome to the Dream World!

I’m your host, Francis Mathers!

This blog is for all my thoughts and feelings as well as any silly posts I see <3

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Meet the host-

Heya! I’m Francis <3

You can call me that, or some of the other names i respond to are Spooky, Charlie and ofc Krueger!

Frankie is a nickname reserved for close friends and family. if you don’t know me irl and aren’t my online sibling, you don’t have Frankie privilege

I’m 16 years old, my birthday is December 30th

I’m born and raised in Ireland! i’m super fond of my country. I’m from the North, but i do NOT consider myself British. Toichfaidh ár lá my friends.

I’m unsure of my gender and sexuality rn :’3 but not picky with any pronouns. My preference is They/She

I’d love to be your friend :3

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My interests-

• A Nightmare on Elm street (obv)

• I also like other horror movies, especially slasher movies like Halloween, Psycho, Texas chainsaw massacre, Friday the 13th and Scream

• I like a few horror games too! Dead by daylight is my favourite, i’m struggling on resident evil 💔 i also like indie games like fnaf, bendy, baldi’s basics, ddlc, chzo mythos and mouthwashing! i intend to get into limbo soon

• I love love love consumer fireworks! especially salutes and extra especially cherry bombs!

• History! The Great War/World War 1 is my main thing but i’m also interested in 1930’s America, Irish history, and Tudor times.

• I LOVE EMINEM !!! My all time favourite music artist <3 i also like Sabaton, Hollywood undead, lil darkie, Nessa Barrett, Billie Piper, Frank Sinatra, 6arelyhuman, Green day, and They might be giants <3

• Doctor who, but specifically the ninth doctor’s season. it’s just as important to me as A Nightmare on Elm Street. i’m working on a secondary blog that will just be for me to yap/vent/talk about writing/whatever else. Nine should have got more than one season and i WILL NOT HEAR OTHERWISE

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Other things about me!

• I am diagnosed, self-diagnosed and/or suspected to have: BPD, HPD or NPD, ADHD, Schizoaffective disorder, Bulimia, Depression, Anxiety and Selective mutism!

• My fp situation is a bit odd rn. i have one but i also don’t? i’m not over him but he hates me.

• I am scared of: Forgetting things, clowns, ghosts, hospitals, bugs and loneliness :[

• I am plural! this blog is friendly to systems and alters of all origins!

• On that note, i am of mixed origins! but i just say endogenic for simplicity

• I experience hallucinations, delusions and paranoia. pretty please be patient !

• My favourite colours are purple and pink

• I have a playlist of songs that i regard as ‘my songs’ for a handful of reasons. Check it out!

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Why Freddy Krueger?

• Great question! I chose Freddy because my sister exposed me and my older brother to horror movies really young. i was 7 when i first watched A Nightmare on Elm street. Freddy was my imaginary friend as a kid, and so in my head was there for a lot of my life.

• “But isn’t he a pedo?” Nope! Freddy was not a pedophile in the original series, that fact was introduced in the 2010 reboot, which i do not particularly care about. i like the original Freddy :3

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DNI list-

• Pedophiles, ONLY if you act on it. i am fully accepting of paraphiles, it’s not your fault. if you act on it though, you’re scum. fuck you.

• Anti-endos, syscourse etc. i’m not about that shit. just block me and move on.

• Radqueers, terfs, any form of exclusionists. nope you yucky

• Just bad people. i want good vibes only!

- see here: bad people does NOT include

paraphiles, any nsfw blogs, ageres, any

mental illnesses INCLUDING

NARCISSISTS*** or anything of the sort.

there is nothing wrong with you or what you

do. you’re all human.

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my others blogs

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“Whatever you do... don't. fall. asleep.”

[s0m3b0dy2u]

this is a vent

feel free to ignore

so, a few weeks ago i told a few friends of mine that i couldn't be friends anymore for the sake of my mental health

(this is the one thats relevant rn):

a little bit of context: this girl (we'll call her a for now) was one of my irl friends. i moved up here around 4 years ago, and she was one of my first friends. we didnt talk a lot, but we had a kind of mutual respect for each other, id like to believe. the next year or wtv though we were fighting constantly, and (slight TW)(i dont remember if she told me to kms or if she threatened to kill herself but something like that happened). after that we didnt talk for god knows how long and then we were friends again. we were decent friends until last year, when a certain other girl (lets call her a-) moved up here and instantly integrated into the friend group. the 3 of us as well as another person (j) were like best friends... except not really. i started dating a- and it all went downhill from here. around a- and j i felt totally invisible, and a was the only one that didnt make me feel like that. i voiced my concerns to a. thennnn some fucking shit happened. a- got with j and then broke up with me, i did some things that i was never and wont ever be proud of (they said i was using my mental healthy as an excuse and it was never an excuse, what i did and what i said was so shitty but yk wtv), shit talking each other back and forth etc. at the time j was dating my best friend (t) but they were together for like years i think but j was super toxic and then they broke up one day, j called t the n-word (hard r) and a- also called t a slur

slight TW:

(we're getting off topic now)

anyway, a continued being best friends with a- and then i started feeling invisible around that whole fg

i was constantly being left out, ex:

a and their friends went to the mall together when i not even weeks before proposed the idea, this kinda shit continued for nearly a year i think (it at least feels that long anyway)

they became close friends with a girl who used to be one of my best friends (m) and m was like "oh, we should hang out" (to me) but was always apparently too busy hanging out with a and a- or whatever

whenever a- was in the room i was literally invisible and i got sick of it

a and m only ever talked to me when it was convenient for them or it was just me and one of them in any given room

id already addressed this issue in the past and they didnt listen

this hurt me

i told them politely i couldnt be their friend rn for the sake of my mental health

i valued their friendship more than anything

but now im "playing the victim" and im toxic and im the asshole for genuinely putting myself first and trying to fucking heal

plus it was a personal boundary, i just cant be friends with anyone thats friends with a-

because when she's around it always goes back to there being drama

we were fine before she moved here

but now ive lost countless friends and my mental health is sinking farther with each day and i just wanna kms but i cant, theres so many reasons why i cant

and, were in highschool, word travels, of course it does

i heard that a brought up something

specifically:

at least im pretty sure this is what they were referencing

(also, this, idk if this is related tho?)

anyway

either a blew it out of proportion, or the story got blown out of proportion as it passed from ear to ear but the version i heard is not what fucking happened at all

ill be honest, the girl the person was talking about i had a crush on

i was on vc with that person when this went down

ill say, ive always been super hypersexual, i feel like thats safe to say

up until this point, my thoughts about my crush were always super respectful, to the point where i felt guilty even being in her presence like as a bystander like shes so worth the world and ill just hurt her by being around type shit

when we were having that conversation i legitimately wasnt thinking about anything, just the thought of thinking bout her that way had me red

when i tell you those were the tamest "sexual" intrusive thoughts i ever had

and i still felt so guilty

like i thought about making out with her and her kissing my neck and that was it

and i was so ashamed, im still ashamed, im not proud of myself at all i feel so small and "oh youre playing the victim again" literally gfys

theres nothing i hate more than feeling so pathetic, so why would i make myself the victim?

she (a) also said (on multiple occasions) that i didnt like several ppl in that group which is blatantly false. i never really disliked any of them (save a- and j, and now a too probably but even now saying i dislike her is too strong for what i feel)

on top of that she said im toxic which she knows is literally my biggest fear

like yeah ik im the asshole, im always in the wrong im so toxic because everyones always told me that

and to think once i felt better i was gonna try and tell her where i was coming from and why i cut her off, since i really valued her friendship

i know, though, that i dont need her around if shes gonna act like that, even if its to make herself feel better or to win the approval of others

anyway at least i got to go home early today because i had a mental breakdown about this ..・ヾ(。＞＜)シ

whats even worse is i cant talk to any of my friends about this bcs t is dear friends with a and my other friends literally would not care

if youre reading this, i love you (/p) have a great morning, day, afternoon, evening, or night

[show-us-kaidenshenandoah]

i think we need to switch up "hear me out" cakes to be multiple cakes

and your friends' reaction decides where your pick goes. like. they do "the council has decided to hear you out" type shit, y'know?? like. not on degrees of "we agree/disagree" but on the "this is a Hear Me Out/that is a Chronically Online take/that is a You Are Not Alone pick", you feel me?? i can say more

(also heads up: all my examples here are male. bc im building off what ive seen on people's cakes and most of "the spectrum" is men; bc a LOT of people's female hear-me-outs are just "a woman who is mid 30s or older" (who may be a lil kooky, like Eda Clawthorne from "Owl House") or be a female monster-fuckery example (like the female xenomorph from "Alien"). i've never seen an in-between in one of these cakes. the only one iiiii could think of was when 10 year-old me thought itd be cute to hold hands with (in a sapphic puppy-love way) or kiss the cheek of Eliza Thornberry from "The Wild Thornberries", but even then, i dont think Eliza is that weird for me to have crushed on as a kid??? anyway. if a wlw or "im not a girl but i like girls in a sapphic way" type or even a "im horny for women in a way that is not a cishetero white man's headspace" wants to help me by thinking of female equivalences for these following categories??? ill proverbially kiss your forehead. my brain is too dead rn, im also a two-spirited person who is kinda aroace (demi-romantic and very asexual) anyway, and im too focused on "Hollywood, do better" about the lack of spectrum for women to Actually Think Of The Rare Female Characters Who Do Fit This Overall Spectrum Of Items rn)

1️⃣: the main biggie is still the "hear me out" cake

in my opinion, these are ones where the creators themselves would be shocked you liked them (eg. me when i was 11 and going all 👉👈 about the headless cockroach from "Growing Up Creepie" or, y'know what, fuck it, the number 5. not Numbuh 5 from "KND", but the literal number 5 in mathematics. give me absurdism). and i say "creators" bc there shouldnt be irl humans here; bc thats either mean bc its based on looks (stop putting Steve Carrell in there) or its "buddy?? this just killed the mood" (like irl serial killers and shit, like, "no, no, save that for your therapist, no"). so we are predominantly looking at fictional, animated (2D, CGI, comics, illustrated, etc), puppets, masked, heavy make-up, that kinda thing okay?? not just a literal irl person and their face. that just feels mean (why! have i seen!! Steve Carrell! four different times!! guys!!! he's a real person who other real people can look like, that could hurt his or someone's feelings in a big way, wtf!) plus also some absurdism (again, the number 5, but maybe also planets? like Planet X would be on par with the number 5 to me of baffling but "...y'know what? i'll hear you out. sell me on this" lmao)

but again, that's irl humans. so it can be fictional Regular Humans (they just, i guess, gotta be very heinous to be a Regular Human yet qualify for this) (eg. Chris McLean from "Total Drama Island". bc my friends heard me out during a ppt of Weird Childhood (+ Some Lifelong) Crushes i did where one slide was the "Growing Up Creepie" cockroach with snorts and snickers, but still. and then i changed slides to Chris and they screamed and did a (joking) impromptu intervention for me bc of that, even tho *i* think Chris McLean should be one of the two other cakes im about to mention. but i have been out-voted), it can be costumed actors (eg. a live-action "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle" of your choice, the Ferryman from "Annabelle Comes Home", the logo of the Quaker Oats guy, or MAYBE Moe from "The Doodlebops") where there's a spectrum of "that's a guy and his face" and enough make-up where you're like "okay, this hear me out has nothing to do with the facial features here being considered 'ugly' or unconventional"

but just: overall the Appearance Fuckery is either "has no intention of making this person/creature/thing remotely attractive" (eg. i seriously doubt the number 5 was designed to "be hot" lol) OR "they are actively trying to make this person not-hot and not-cool on purpose" (eg. the giant headless cockroach from "Growing Up Creepie", he's not supposed to be hot or cool, he's just kinda there lol but i guess you could also argue like.. idk, im thinking of how Robert Pattison did a very unattractive voice while acting as the Grey Heron of "The Boy & The Heron". like, youre not supposed to find the Heron attractive or cool or anything, i think lmao). that's the point here. at least to me

2️⃣: the other is "normal: but chronically online take" cake, it is the middle one of this trio i am pitching

in my mind, this is the category where "someone put effort to make this character seem attractive or cool or likable beyond their actions"... but they're also unconventional as a pick, it's "not a 'normie' choice" to make (no derogatory intent to "normies" btw)

so this is where we get into shit like the Green Goblin from the Toby McGuire "Spider-man" movies, specifically his robo-suit. sure, the suit may not be rom-com-attractive to look at, and, sure, he may be written sympathetically so audiences have affection for them (moreso Osborn with how they made him scared of himself and clueless to the harm he has caused, but close enough); but that robo-suit WAS made to look COOL. it was made to be liked and gotten toys and posters of, and a person having a crush on the Green Goblin in the robo-suit is a "normal: but chronically online take" in my mind. does that make sense?? bc im adding John Silver from "Treasure Planet" up there too, bc it's Disney and he was meant to be likeable (to betray Jim, yeah, but still), he was not meant to be a romantic lead, but he was drawn and characterized to be likable. that's just a fat man that's a cyborg and a little bit alien; and he's hot. he's a normal person to like, in my mind

but this category as a whole would be me vaguely Getting why some "normies" would scream "nO, YOU CANNOT BE SERIOUS" at the pitch, yet also knowing all of my fellow chronic online buddies would approve of the same pitch. like, the chronically online just heard "goblin robot suit" and "anti-hero dad-figure fat cyborg pirate" be upheld as a "hear me out" and would respond like "ah, good choice, mmhm, yes" like we were discussing wine. but like. then my friends wouldve paused and gone like "....not weird enough to be a 'hear me out' tho". like?? as if it's objectively true or a Basic Bitch take? (my chronically online brethern: it's not. lmao it just is a Basic Bitch take to our niche, it's Fucking Weird outside of us)

so it's that in-between of "would be Freak Behavior to any hypothetical 'normie', but would not be to anyone chronically online". so the 1️⃣ category would be where both "normie" and the chronically online are going "pARDON??? HUH?" to the same extreme degree. but this one, 2️⃣, is where it's a more lower-level mix. like maybe some chronically online are going "hUH??" while some are going "oh, yeah, obviously"; but for the most part, this is "normies" go "HUH?" and chronically online go "this is an objectively agreed upon take, not a 'hear me out' pitch". idk, i hope that makes sense. like. maybe some more examples would help, we already discussed two, but we can do more. the two i just did were examples of "not THE most 'obviously yeah' takes for the chronically online" because i wanted to start us in on the logic of why they would count here (at least, to me) so then these next ones can be a "ooooh, yeah, i can see what you mean now", you feel me?

bc, yeah, obligatory "yes but that's obviously objective and not a 'hear me out' pitch" to Kovu from "Lion King II", yes, Nick Wilde from "Zootopia", yes, Robin Hood fox from Disney's "Robin Hood", yes, Gil from "Finding Nemo", yes, Garrus from "Mass Effect", etc, etc, again, they were made to be a romantic lead and/or made to be cool. so, to me, liking them is very normal. and, again, i get that it only is a "yes OBVIOUSLY tho" in ✨️a chronically online✨️ way. but i think most other chronically online people would agree like "yes, weird to 'normies'; but not us" and i think both the "normies" and the More Newly Chronically Online could follow the logic since we just broke down how Green Goblin's robo-suit and alien-cyborg John Silver might be More Unusual Picks but same logic of "made to be liked in some way, ergo Liking Them Like That is not actually that weird". you feel me??

like the creators of these fictional guys would go "oh!! oh, that makes sense, yeah, okay, didnt intend that but nice!" you feel me?? like the spectrum goes from "wHAT?!! ...actually, y'know what, i see it" to "odd choice, but also?? of course". am i making sense?

like you could put your unconventionally attractive people here if they dont quite fit (or fit at all, potentially) with the next cake. like, i wouldnt be mad if the the Purple Wiggle from the original "The Wiggles" group went here, y'know?? like, yes, the Purple Wiggle breaks my "please have it be animated or a puppet or a mask or have heavy make-up, so we arent just potentially arguing about facial features of an irl human (bc that's mean)" rule technically. but thats enough of a "hUH?? i mean yeah buT HUH????" that i, for one, would forgive it and let the Purple Wiggle be on this cake. because it's not about his face or appearance: it's a "hUH??" because he is a fucking Wiggle, so that's what makes him unconventional. does that make sense?? like the "....fucking way way out of left-field, but Yeah Okay" type "unconventials" rather than "well yEAH" like Milo Thatch from "Atlantis" or Roger Dearly from "101 Dalmations" who would be on the next cake (instead of this one), for me, personally)

3️⃣: and the last one (as far as i can think of it, and this one would really be a cupcake or a one-person-serving of cake bc your goal is the other two. this one shouldn't have too many people on it, so you skimp out on this cake for sure) is like the council deciding "normal: not as weird as you think, you're not alone at all" cake. not a "you're basic" tho, but that this pick is more popular with society than the person realizes it is

first of all: this is not a "punishment cake" of "nope, doesnt count". i just vote it be the smallest cake bc it will, ideally, have the least amount of people in it compared to maybe the other two. but yeah, it should be a "no, thats such a valid take, i think it should go on the 'youre not alone' cake", y'know?? like, this cake's purpose isnt to knock someone down, its to be like "omg dude i have so many tiktok thirst edits of this character to show you after this" or "there should be so many more of this guy, this has to be objectively True That This Person Is Attractive, i think we as a society just agree via osmosis, we dont need to hear you out, we need to let you into the discussions about them, let's set up a text-channel on discord about them" type of 🌈realization🌟 okay?? bc the moment anyone is mean about someone trying to be vulnerable and silly online, im rescinding my pitch for this cake. cool? cool

this is for the people who put on Stiles Stilinski from "Teen Wolf" and just... buddy, idk if you actually read the assignment. Dylan O'Brien who plays Stiles Stilinski is an attractive man, like who needs to "hear you out" on this?? im confused? let me show you how MANY MANY MANY edits and fan-art that man has, even with his head shaved. like. im not mad you picked him, he's an attractive guy, sure, why not. i just am surprised if someone maybe teased you to the point of bullying to have thought this was a "hear me out" and not a "oh, yeah, well, of course, that much is obvious". like. that's fucked up if someone made fun of you for Dylan O'Brien (or Steve Carrell since i mentioned him before. and, really, all irl people go on this cake. hell, i wouldn't be surprised if the Purple Wiggle ended up on this cake after some council deliberation and after the surprise of "The Wiggles" name-drop had calmed down). but also, like, someone bond with the two tiktokers i saw pick Dylan O'Brien and show them fanfic of Stiles and thirst edits of his role in "Teen Wolf", preferably while the said tiktokers gets to giggle with ice-cream and a cozy blanket, bc they deserve to have known about the outpour of love their pitch has had, they do not deserve mocking or hatred for their pitches, bc they didnt know what they didnt know

but also i think kind of most fictional characters who are Main Characters + Have A Romantic Interest go here, even if theyre slightly unconventionally attractive, like i said with Milo Thatch of "Atlantis" and Roger Dearly of "101 Dalmations". maybe a different group of friends would decide otherwise, but if i was in your tiktok?? "not as weird as you think" cake for sure for Milo and Roger. like. id also put some "odd choice but yeah" that are not SUPER out of left-field here, like i saw someone put on a couple of people who are Fright Actors that have gone viral. and im like "..out of left-field for sure, but part of why they went viral is bc they are conventionally attractive 9 times out of 10", you get me?? does that make sense? like i saw someone say "the grandpa from the 'Johnny Tsunami' movies" and that's out of left-field and there's no thirst edits of him (as far as im aware), but also i would say "not as weird as you think, actually"

like. the boundaries are nebulous and group-dependent, but i just think itd be fun and itd be a cool spin that also will get some comments to shut up about what is/isnt a "hear me out" cake. bc i agree some of these "hear me out" cakes dont have enough of group 1️⃣ (for me), and are instead all 2️⃣ and 3️⃣ (for! me!!); but also sometimes people just are unaware and haven't been "let into the room" to know how popular and/or objectively acceptable their pick is, and i dont wanna shame people for that lack of awareness, that's mean. instead, get excited for them like "omg i have so much to show you!" or "we NEED to talk after this video bc hard-same but nobody else is talking about it, i feel like!!" y'know??

but, yeah, that's my compromise/pitch lmao

[v1trum]

Lots of tw's.. also please read the entire post if you start reading it. Im not a bad person. This is a specific case and i KNOW this person and have talked this stuff over w ppl that also know him. He manipulated me into hating the ppl i know i love most (as friends) now and did a lot of fucked up shit a lot of which I'll list

Tws include : sh, severe mental illness, "kys" jokes (wasnt rly a joke), ed, trauma, etcetc

Im only saying this shit on here because literally no one knows who im talking about and never will. This is an irl person who doesn't even have Tumblr im pretty sure.. I'd prefer if you only read this if ur a moot or i follow u or vice versa pls 😭

Im gonna throw the imaginary fights i have in my head on here

all the same person cus they side eye me at school and ik damn well he's trying to get ppl to not like me but idc cus im in the right and i have proof 💋

Like i just KNOW he views me as childish n shit

Likr

childish?? ME?? You're the one that said my 7 year old brother should kill himself because he played the same roblox game as you..a 14yo... But, yes, im the childish one...

its a genuine scenario I can't get out of my head and i need to talk abt it

Contrary to what you think, i DO like you. I don't hate you because my online best friend expressed how HE doesn't like you... Its actually crazy that you came into my home for a complete weekend, were as EXTREMELY disrespectful as you were, we didn't say anything and then you're out here saying me and my entire family hate you... Like no babes my parents went out and bought food from the store that we never eat bc you would eat it... No babes, i made cookies from scratch bc cookies are one of the only things you'll eat... No babes, we didn't even comment on the fact that you had three sodas and had two sips out of each of them before you wasted them...

Your "eating disorder" is DEFINITELY fake, too. There might be part of it in there but wdym "my grandparents starve me" when you asked if you could have a random bag of chips and they immediately bought it for you? I fear you just need to tell them when a food is out? They both work a ton bc they had to take you in a few months ago I don't think they notice much when the pantry or fridge is running low. Wdym "ew i hate that" to every food in existence but you scarf up wretched school breakfast and lunch daily...? Again with "i shove it down my throat bc my grandparents starve me" are you forgetting how close we got so quickly? How ik you? You wouldn't eat 95% of that before you starved to death if it was at my house... But you're gonna eat it all up there.

Same with your "personality disorder".... Wdym we're in the middle of English and you go "bro i just spawned in. What am i wearing and why? Omggg why do i have sh on my arms???" Like be so fr rn. You aren't immune to being aware of PHYSICAL PAIN. And i get like.. having a different style but fym "why am i wearing this what is it" ..? (I have talked to a SYSTEM friend abt this and they can confirm its v fake seeming)

Its actually crazy when i didn't kick you out after you said that about my brother, you're actually insane. I get you have very recent trauma but holy hell refrain from making relationships if you're gonna fuck someone up.

You had your "friend" give me back my sweater bc you were too childish to do it yourself and look me in the eye. You moved seats without permission. You glare at me in the class where you can't move seats.

Also, that "friend".. you call her a slut and talk shit abt her to her face because she has HEALED sh scars. Then you walk around campus with gaping wounds acting like you're self conscious of it when you're actually begging for attention. This is NOT me saying ppl who sh are attention seekers btw.. i KNOW him and me and several other people agree he's doing it for attention. My friends have said they'd have relapsed after seeing them if it had been a bad time for them, thats how bad it was.

I genuinely hope he gets better bc he is fucked up in the head, however i also wish the best on his next victim of "we're friends". I hope they get away or meet him after he has gotten better.

To this guy - i hope you better yourself instead of trying to make yourself as bad as possible because you find comfort in that, or rot.

[brainrot-stitch]

Thinking of simpler times.. (rant/vent ig)

It's nice just to like

Be able to lay in bed and stare up at the ceiling and hear the crickets outside and no electronic noises. It reminds me of the 2 hurricanes that happened a few yrs back, and like I know it's fucked up to think about because it was horrible, but at the same time it was nice in a way idk how to describe well. It was miserable and hot but I was with family and didn't have to worry or stress about people or grades.. we just kinda existed for a while. I don't want more hurricanes to happen, that would be crazy, but I miss what came after.

Idk I think I've just been getting worked up over a lot of stuff recently and ik other people have it like so so much worse so I don't rlly like to complain abt it, especially in the gc, but nights like these where it's dark and quiet and calm just really get to me I guess. Nights where I can just think about everything and cry before I have to wake up the next day and repeat everything over and over and over. Every day is so bland and numb with sudden spikes of panic mixed in and at the end of the day I barely remember it. I don't remember so so much of my life that I think I should, and I don't know why I just forget. Weather something good or something bad happens I know it will eventually be faded and forgotten just as I will one day.

I'm not really big on being remembered, I've come to accept the fact of mortality and there will be a day where we will each be thought of for the last time and that is when we're truly gone. But for the short amount of time I am remembered, I don't want to be remembered like this. Like who I am and what I do and how I act right now. I don't know what I want to be remembered like, but it's not this.

There's so many issues that seem like the end of the world, that feel inescapable, and I know they're not. I feel like I'm either just being dramatic or gaslighting myself into believing they're bigger issues than they already are. Anything could send me into a spiral that night, from the smallest issue to the biggest one. Even if not, they still have an effect on my day to day life and I don't know how to fix it. And other people are always either confused or upset but they don't understand, and I don't know how to help them understand.

It's hard to care about my grades when there is literally no point and all I do is rot all day. Even if I did care I'm not smart enough to get a college tuition, and we definitely can't pay for it ourselves. They say it's gonna leave a permanent mark that people will see on my resume, but there is a good likelihood I won't make it past adulthood with the way things are going, so why should that matter. Plus it's so so hard to focus. Even if I try I get distracted or start daydreaming or The Thoughts come back. And people will say "oh just pay attention" or "just don't daydream duh" and I cant. Like I physically cannot I am unable to do so. Plus the daydreams happen at random half the time and then I'm not in school anymore I'm in another world and everything's either going really well with things I wish would happen irl or everything is going absolutely horribly and u can't stop it. They're like "just do your work it's not that hard" I hear what you're saying but you're not hearing me bro. I can't 'just do it' and nobody seems to understand that except specific strangers on the internet.

There's other issues too but I am too scared to share them on tumblr rn and I know this may seem kinda dumb but if I live on this will affect me for life but it's so so numb and I'm so SO tired allll the time and sleep never helps at all and I literally just rot all day...

Literally the only reason I take care of myself at this point is so people don't judge me and idk if that's normal or not but I'm assuming it's not.. like if I have to go somewhere ill take a shower and brush my teeth and wash my face and put on perfume n shit but if not I will have a 'self care day' but idk if it's self care if the only thing I do is rot in bed all day and only get up to go to the bathroom or (sometimes) get food/water. I sleep so much and the days all blur together and it's so so so soo bad in summer. I think I have like reverse seasonal depression bc like when it's cold and dark and raining I THRIVE like never before (even if the constant tired doesn't go away, even if everything still sucks and I still hate the people I care about the most) it's just so nice. But in summer when it's hot and miserable and humid and my ac doesn't work and you can feel the mosquitos it is such a fucking low for me idk how to even describe it. When when we get the 2 months off for summer break it's so bad bro I think that's one of my lowest points excluding being in school when it's hot. If I didn't have church I know I would go those 2 months and not take care of myself at all and ik it sounds gross and it is and I hate it but why even try if I just fucking rot on my bed like a useless ass beached whale.

The crickets are gone

I miss them 💔

I don't get why it's so hard to sleep when I'm so so fucking tired or why I rot all day or why I'm so fucking angry and irritable all the time for no reason and it sucks ass tbh. And idk why I can't fucking do things like normal people can or why I think differently or why my thoughts are so fucked up and I disappoint the people I love. I don't really wanna do this anymore, I don't wanna be here much longer, but I know I have to because if I do it it'll break them in ways they will never be able to fix, and I don't wanna be that selfish. I want to help people, I want to be confident, and I wanna make people smile. I want to be able to ignore the daydreams, to block out the characters in my head and The Thoughts that I hate so much, and I wanna stop doing shit like this when I don't deserve it.

But sometimes all you can do is find a cold, dark, and quiet place, and think for a while.

Sorry for the long post gang, see yall with a silly goofy post another day <3

[scaredgirlsilly]

I'm aroace and coming up on my 1 year anniversary of engagement to my lovely fiance who is not aro or ace and I do not use the term qpp. I have the type of relationship that tends to cause a lot of arguments so when irl people or strangers ask I just say I'm straight. (There's also an added layer of confusion from some people since I'm an ace guy and that seems to be a hot button topic rn)

I tend not to share this because people who know that I'm aroace think that I was previously going through a phase when I say I love my partner. I do love my partner but I'm still aroace and it looks different and this is the first time I've ever felt so secure with another person and what we were able to create is beautiful because I stopped listening to people tell me what a relationship is or should be. And we work amazingly together.

-a fellow aro mutual still too nervous to talk about being aroace with my actual unsername (but wanted to show solidarity)

omg hiiiiiiii!!!! ::3

ok first off CONGRATS ON ALMOST A YEAR OH EM GEE!!!!!!!! thats awesome im glad you found someone you can be yourself with ^u^

and uh. the rest of this is gonna be gibberish sorry jfkshdksj i was literally walking around my kitchen last night when i first got this ask trying to figure out how to word what i want to say for like an hour or 2 😭😭

but like. i think alot of people dont understand just how *open* the terms aro and ace can really be. like. idk at least to me its kinda like nonbinary. like nonbinary is anything that doest strictyly fit into the gender binary. and thats. uh. A Fuck Ton Of Things jfkshdjsj. like im aro but i might honestly feel romantic attraction. but for me its my strong dislike of the idea of being in a relationship, along with like. almost being disillusioned with the very concept of romantic attraction. (and being sorta kinda poly??)

this is the part that is gonna be incomprehensible jfksjsks. but the way i think about it is almost like. idk a diagnosis jfkshdks (NOT to be the weirdos that are like "romance is an illness" i just want to describe the fact that the borders and definitions of these attractions are socially constructed)

like romantic attraction has a bunch of "symptoms" (again value neutral i canmot stress enough that im not like anti people who like romance hfkshdjsj) like yk liking someone a bunch or butterflies in their stomach or like. yk whatever doesnt matter you get what i mean. the different thoughts and feelings and experiences that typically come up when someone is romantically attracted to someone. what im saying is i dont think there is *actually* a single Romantic Feeling people get, i think a lot of people just have a very similar experience, and so it sort of becomes a seperate thing yk. there isnt actually a Romantic Emotion but its a combo of a bunch of stuff that alot of people experience close enough to each others experiences that it is helpful for it to be named something.

but like. then people assume the Thing is actually real. or not that it isnt real but like. that the Thing came first and is law. when really its just a bunch of components that commonly make up the thing. and so when you share alot of those components of the Thing (saying i love you or being in a relationship that isnt a qpr with an allo person), people will say that you feel the Thing. but *you* know that you dont.

i dont really know where im going with this other than like. i wish people didnt see aro and ace people (specifically aro people jfksjsjs) as like. either you feel the Thing or you Dont. like 1. the Thing (romantic attraction) is something allo people cant even define comprehensibly and 2. the human experience is so varied that like. every single person is different and its v frustrating when people shit on others for not fitting into their idea of what that type of person is (shitting on aro people for not being what they think aro people are).

god this is nonsense im sorry but hopefully you understand what i mean. tl;dr everyone is different and everyones experiences of queer labels are different, id argue *especially* aro and ace people, and if you shit on aro and ace people for acting or feeling in a way you didnt expect or like, im killing you with a chainsaw

hopefully you can find other people who are not weird about your aroace-ness and if you ever need to talk about it id be down ^u^

[taegularities]

Rid you're crazyyyyyyyyyyy

just finished cmi11 IM FUCKING CRYING holy shit that was so good oh god

first of all the conversation between oc and her mom made me cry so hard- it hit home for me, as a girlie with mommy issues, that part felt so real to me. Oc's courage to stand up for herself like that and tell her how much she hurt her own daughter is something i dont have in me. It broke my fucking heart, that yearning feeling, i cant believe you put that specific feeling into words rid [are u part of the mommy issues community as well🧐 or are u just that amazing, a true fucking artist (i saw that anon calling you the beyonce of ff and i agree 100%)] idk how to describe my feelings rn, that part definitely left a mark in my heart, ill never forget it

second the domesticity in these two dorks oh my goddddd they're driving me crazy, theyre so cute and in love and im in love with them and i want to cry bc i want what they have but bc irl men suck the hopeless romantic in me is gonna have to live through fanfics for the rest of my life and that makes me fucking miserable but bless the fanfic gods like you that keep my soul alive, idk what id do without you

lastly that scareeeeee oh god like i knew itd be a negative but it had my heart beating out of my ass (idk if thats a phrase) but the way they handled it oh god, the emotionsssssss the fears and insecurities, just reminded me that theyre human, even if theyre the most fucking adorable characters ever, theyre still human and i loved seeing such nuance. You really are doing an amazing job rid, not only writing the story, scenes and dialogue, but also the way you write these characters in such depth, its so fucking refreshing to see.

i want to kiss your beatiful head that holds your beautiful brain, seriously ive never ever been so enchanted by a piece of writing before (and i read so much fanfiction its like an addiction) you are by far my strongest fix. For real tho, your writing, and particularly cmi has touched me deeply and I'll never ever forget it. So thank you

Rest assured and stop doubting yourself bc youre seriously incredible and so fucking talented. Now rest up and take care of yourself, i imagine its not easy to birth such work (i mean 36k you monster, i loved every second of it but damn girl take a break before you burn your brain out) but no srsly i hope youre eating well, sleeping well and doing things that make you happy and relaxed. You deserve all the best of this world rid🫂🩷

sincerely ~ 🐼✒️anon

panda hi hello oh my gosh, sorry for being late, but you mentioned so many important things, so i wanted to take my time HELLO!! never stop sending these lovely af reviews 🥺

i know... she really is inspiring bc the courage to stand up against someone you feared for so long is admirable. i'm part of both the mommy and daddy issues community even though it's gotten a lot better lol like i wonder why it's such a recurring theme in my fics 🤣 i'm so sorry you could relate to oc :( but i'm glad you liked the scene so much.

and ahhh the domesticity 🤧 it's been so so fun and relaxing to write!! real life romance can be hard to find, yeah :') so i guess writing these scenes and chapters has been extra cathartic (although it drives me crazy, too — the next chapter has been making me so jejfhdjjsgd), but here's to finding a cmi jk irl soon :') much more to come!!!🕯️

the scare was one hell of a ride 🥺 i cried a lot!! and even i have been realising lately that i sometimes try to make my characters flawless, but that's actually not what i wanna go for. i always snap out of it and then try to make them flawed bc they're human, and i think the cmi couple, despite how endearing they are, is definitely vv flawed :') thank you for pointing that out 🥺

your strongest fix?? girl PLEASE ILL CRY 😭💔 i love you so much, you're so sweet for saying that and seeing me in such a way, pls i want you here forever <3 i rested a lot after cmi11! but ngl, cmi11.5 almost burned me out ksjdhehd gonna rest even more after that hehe. tyssssm, i hope you're well and healthy and i appreciate you so much for your kindness, reassurances and love for this series/me. love you so much 🤍

[sylvctica]

tl;dr life updates cause most of my irl yelling has been confined to twitter or DMs

as per my pinned, i've been in a bad burnout mostly creatively, so drawing and writing for myself has been kinda null for a few months-ish now outside some small outlets here and there (carrds, trying to pick up doing a twine project). socially i've been kinda floating around too, so if i've been sparse, im sorry ;;

a lot of my brain muncher has been work cause a bunch of things have come up ... namely finding out im paid 33% (not correct ik i just dont wanna do the exact math rn) less than most of the other designers lmao (which shocked even them and our design lead). i make ~$41k yearly, others are at ~$56k and average for designers is around ~$60k ... and my yearly performance is 8 months overdue where i'm probably not even gonna be able to argue my salary up to the average

obvs as a first job in the industry and mostly remote work (so no rent to pay) i took what i took, but it was kind of a slap to find that out

this is on top of our ceo deciding the resolution for our issues (which were brought up in a survey that was before we started fixing some of those issues already) is mandatory return to office 4 days a week from almost completely remote work (and the almost was voluntary to come into office). ill tell you right now, it's a shitty solution to our issues, and they're not compensating us for shit for travel time (aka 2 hours of my day will just be beating the train back and forth, and monthly payment of $200 for a pass where i live)

other game companies can do full remote or a choice of hybrid in how you want it :|

so, i've mostly been on low energy and just picking where my energy is going which is in games primarily to just not think abt stuff too much (yes yes star rail too), so my presence here and around ppl has been flimsy

im not lying down and taking it lmao dont worry abt that, i genuinely hope 30%+ of ppl leave or start leaving. old codger with his head up his arse and not listening to the ppl being like 'hey, this is not going to resolve our problems and will only cause more issues down the line'

so yeah!!!! my fists are up!!!! and i will support my coworkers too, cause we all genuinely like working with each other but sir dust-in-the-ears doesn't give a shit so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ sucks cause we were finally nudging towards some rlly exciting things

[chococookiez]

I FUCKING MISSED 4/13 I COMPLETELY FORGOR BUT IM POSTING ANYWAY

i was holding off on posting it until i had more content but i did a fantroll :]

some other art/shitposts i did with it (+ my other ocs)

and here's bonus ooc shitty doodles i did for my dying tiktok account

i haven't properly drawn anyone other than aradia and sollux (and eridan partially but i've only done march eridans for some reason) and the one with all of them was . the first time i drew any of them other than eridan please forgive me

words under the cut. i must ramble

so . homestuck huh

how did i spend my first 4/13 you ask? got up at 5am to fuck around with my (slightly drunk) friend on vrc until we got tired, had various revelations, a whole crisis that i do not wish to unpack... im forgetting something

oh yea

dumb of ass moment: i played that one fucking solkat vn literally just for the hell of it

I haven't read the comic yet BECAUSE im planning to binge read the entire fucking thing over the summer with my friends and i am fucking HYPED i have the unofficial collection downloaded on my pc already in preparation and we're planning on doing a massive party once we're done we are going to have a fucking ball with this . technically i've only been properly interested in homestuck since february which i find really funny cause my brain made the switch so fast it gave me fucking whiplash. i've literally never had an interest hit me THIS HARD in my life especially with how little canon content i have to work with currently since im saving it all for the summer (the restraint is so hard y'all have no idea)

highlights of shit i've done to do with homestuck other than art so far:

made 2 extended zodiac pins out of pre-existing pins i had, one for myself and one for my irl friend

said irl friend had to suffer through a 2+ hour long infodump where i just showed them all the main characters i had knowledge about (beta/alpha kids/trolls, ancestors and cherubs), did a hussie and had The Quadrant Ramble™, shittily explained classes and aspects and tried my best to explain The Weird Time Bullshit™ (it was very fun for me . he also said it was fun but i have my doubts)

speaking of quadrants i've made 4 quadrant keychains (erisol spade, cronkri heart, meowrails + kurtuna diamonds) (currently only displaying 3 of them since the meowrails one fucking SELF DESTRUCTED as in the paint fucking peeled itself off and ive been too lazy to remake it rn) and i've been slightly tempted to add a solkat one but i have no clue what quad i'd put them in tbh and that's the only thing stopping me (oh and a meuloz heart . just because)

very very vaguely hinted at this once before but i made a shitty character playlist. not linking it or saying who it is. y'all can just guess

i made... an eridan osu skin. out of one i had already that i liked. and i've been tempted to make a sollux one. did you know im mentally ill (something did spark this: i had a map of eridan's theme that had a skin on it, so decided to make a full one out of it to fuck with my friend who likes him)

im planning on cosplaying A Troll but have no sodding clue which one. my internal options rn are kanaya, vantases (have their outfits/something like them on hand already, plus vantases have easy horns), leijons (associate myself with them a lot (one of my favourite vrc avatars to use rn is a meulin edit even), especially considering im a leo myself), eridan, aradia and feferi (they'd be hilariously fitting for reasons i wish to not explain, especially eridan)

am probably gonna land myself with a pile of homestuck merch, either from birthday gifts or my own stupidity

so yea, just a few words. i couldn't fight the homestuck

[cronaz-diary]

Hey, coming from someone who used to be just like you, I REALLY suggest you take a step back from posting on the internet until you’re 18 at least. I acted a lot like you, worse in my earlier years, and the thought that my old posts and comments could still exist as screenshots or in archives makes me extremely nauseous. You might view your behaviour as justified now, but down the line you’re seriously going to regret it even if you continue to hold the same beliefs— ESPECIALLY since you have pictures of your face on here and post personal information. You probably won’t listen to me, I know my 16 year old self wouldn’t, so all I can do is wish you good luck.

To the adults in this kid’s inbox; you need to leave them alone. One kid’s opinion isn’t the end of the world, but the way they’re reacting to what you’re saying could end their’s.

hii im finally back from my tumblr break !! the last part PLZ THE ADULTZ HARASSING ME, A 16 YR OLD, IZ WEIRD ESP THE ONEZ THREATENING ME AND CALLING ME SLURZ also it caused me to split rlly badly and a suicide attempt so can u all plz stop:(( and yea i took a break from here bc ppl here dont know how to act, dont listen and were just bad for me and now im kinda scared of anything on here and other sitez im on but im staying here and tryna get over it bc the internet iz my only escape i have nothing irl rrlly sadly</3 and yea sum old shit (mainly the stuff i made while splitting or any other bad shit like that) i feel embarrassed abt and more bc ppl wont leave me alone abt it like plz just let me forget half the thingz i do or say while im going through episodez or anything i dont actually mean

i try rlly hard not to post personal info and gonna try harder idk wut iz too much or not so if i post sumthing thatz too over sharing plz tell me and ill take it down !! only thingz (i think) i rlly share iz my outfitz/fashion, other social mediaz and who i am ig (. > .)

im gonna stay here and on the internet but def will take more breakz tho esp bc stuff iz kinda hard rn and i hadnt been doing the best even before getting harassed bc ppl misunderstood wut i said and cant handle not creating stupid ass drama cuz yea i still feel we shouldnt let men in a sexuality that waz made to not include men coming from a lesbian and from many many other lesbianz i hear say thiz even non lesbianz:/

anywayz hiii ill be posting more and thiz will be my last post abt thiz stupid drama thing (for now i think) cuz i wanna post abt other stuff i made thiz to talk abt shit going on (without too much detail), be myself and so ppl can see my outfitz