#this is also why i’ve been pretty mia because i just can’t focus much

[engie-ivy]

The girls have a bet, the boys eavesdrop

“Merlin, Mary,” Marlene says. “You hadn’t noticed that until now? He’s been looking at Lupin like love sick puppy since third year.”

Remus eyes widen, but he doesn’t dare to turn his head to look at Sirius.

Stupid ideas and dumb bets

Boys cannot go up to the girls’ dormitory. Animals, however, have no trouble walking up those stairs, and once upstairs, his Animagii friends managed to pull Remus up as well. Which is how Remus finds himself crouched under the Invisibility Cloak with his three friends in the corner of Lily, Marlene, Mary and Emmeline’s dorm.

James had overheard Marlene tell Dorcas and Amelia that they were all to meet in their dorm that evening, to discuss dates for the upcoming Yule Ball. James had immediately decided that this was a conversation he needed to hear, as he was particularly interested in Lily’s thoughts on the matter. Remus was against the whole scheme, and had lectured his friends on breaching the girls’ privacy, but to no avail. Remus only decided to join to prevent his friends from being creepy, or at least more creepy than they’re already being. Not that Remus actually thinks his friends would do something like peek at the girls. He actually tested James. They had decided that Remus should look into the dorm first to check if all the girls were properly dressed, as Remus is as innocent and unassuming as can be, and he had said that Lily was standing in her bra. James passed his test with flying colours, as instead of immediately looking himself, he pulled Remus back and scolded him for not averting his eyes.

So now Remus is huddled under the Invisibility Cloak, where they only fit if Peter remains in his rat form, on the cold floor of Lily’s dorm besides her bed. He only refrains from complaining about his current predicament because Sirius is pressed against him so close he can feel the warmth of his body and his hair tickling his face.

In the middle of the room, Lily is sitting on her bed, knees tucked underneath her, wearing pyjamas and her hair in a messy bun on top of her head. Dorcas and Marlene are sitting on the edge of Marlene’s bed, Mary is lying upside down on a pillow on the floor, and on some other pillows scattered around, Emmeline, Hestia and Amelia are sitting.

“He’s going to ask you!” Dorcas says.

Lily brushes a hair from her face. “He wouldn’t dare.”

“Any sensible person wouldn’t, but Snivellus…”

“Don’t call him that childish nickname Potter and Black came up with.”

“He’s called you a lot worse,” Dorcas replies.

“Exactly,” Lily says. “And you don’t really think that after calling me the m-word in front of the entire school he’ll have the nerve to ask me to the Yule Ball?”

“You know what would really piss him off?” Mary says with a grin. “If you’d go to the ball with James Potter!”

Remus glances over at James, but he doesn’t look as pleased with this as Remus would expect.

Lily huffs. “I don’t care enough about Sniv- Snape to choose my date purely based on his feelings.”

“Besides,” Marlene adds. “That wouldn’t be fair to Potter. He really cares about you.”

“Potter only cares about himself,” Lily mutters.

“Lils, you know that’s not true,” Emmeline says. “He deserves more credit than that.”

Lily rolls her eyes. “You just like him because he’s the great Quidditch hero with good abs.”

Marlene leans forward with a sly smile “So you have been noticing Potter’s abs.”

Lily blushes and throws a pillow at her face. “Shut up.”

Remus sees James practically beaming. What Remus hopes he’ll learn from this is that he should show Lily his caring side more, and let her know how his feelings for her are sincere. What Remus fears he’ll learn from this is to show his abs more around Lily.

“So what’s the current status?” Dorcas asks. “We have Mary going with Peter, Emmeline going with Gideon, Marlene going with me-”

“Oh?” Marlene asks. “I don’t believe you have asked me yet?”

“Too bad, McKinnon,” Dorcas says, while pulling Marlene in and kissing her temple. “That was part of the deal when you agreed to be my girlfriend.”

Marlene chuckles. “I’m glad I don’t have to go through the trouble of getting one of those obnoxious boys as my date.”

“Who would you pick from the guys if you had to?” Hestia asks.

“Who would you pick from the girls if you had to?”

“Lily.”

“Lily.”

“Lily, for sure.”

“Yeah, Lily.”

“Aaaw, you girls!”

“Now Marlene, who would it be?”

“Sirius Black,” Marlene says. Lily rolls her eyes, but Marlene just shrugs. “If I have to, I might as well go with the fittest bloke.”

Remus can agree with her there, and is suddenly very glad for Dorcas. Next to him, Sirius has a smug smile on his face.

“You’d just do that to meddle with the bet!”

Remus frowns. The bet?

“Oh, you’d know all about meddling with the bet, won’t you, Emmeline?” Amelia says. “I heard you talk to Lupin the other day when Potter and Black entered the common room!”

Emmeline flips her hair over her shoulder. “Why, Amelia, I don’t know what you mean.”

“You kept talking about ‘how broad Black’s shoulders have become since he has started playing Quidditch’.”

“I was just making conversation.”

“You were putting ideas in his head!”

“Mia, please,” Lily says. “I hardly think Remus Lupin needs Emmeline to put the idea of Sirius Black’s broad shoulders in his head. I’m pretty sure they’re well-represented there already.”

The girls giggle, and Remus feels his cheeks burn. He feels said broad shoulders pressed against him, and the owner glance curiously at him.

“Can I still change my answer?” Mary asks. “I had no, but I was sitting across of Lupin and Black in the library, and Lupin was enthusiastic telling Black about this book he had read, and Black was looking at him so fondly!”

“Merlin, Mary,” Marlene says. “You hadn’t noticed that until now? He’s been looking at Lupin like love sick puppy since third year.”

Remus eyes widen, but he doesn’t dare to turn his head to look at Sirius.

“There’s no changing your answer based on new insights anyway.” Amelia takes a piece of parchment out of her pocket. “It stays as follows,” she says, before she starts reading out loud. “Official bets on the matter of whether Sirius Black and Remus Lupin will get their shite together in time for the Yule Ball and be each other’s date: Lily, Emmeline, Alice, Hestia: yes. Marlene, Dorcas, Mary, Amelia: no.”

Remus still can’t look at Sirius. He doesn’t know what to feel. Mortification that he’s apparently been so obvious, for sure, but also hope. Hope that maybe, just maybe, the girls are onto something and Sirius is into him as well?

“I don’t want to be pessimistic,” Marlene says. “But honestly, I think it’ll take more time for Sirius Black to get his head out of his arse. We’ll be lucky if they figure it out before next year’s ball.”

“Lupin won’t be much better,” Emmeline says. “He’s a super smart guy, but when it comes to Sirius Black, his IQ drops like twenty points. I was working on a Potions essay with him the other day, and Black was standing behind us throwing the Quaffle back and forth with Potter. I pretended like everything was fine, but he didn’t hear two-third of the questions I was asking!”

Mary chuckles. “Oh Emmeline, you can’t expect Lupin to focus on Potions when Black’s arse is in view!”

Now mortification definitely takes over.

“I can’t handle another year of this, though!” Lily groans. “Every time I’m in a room with the two of them together I wish I brought a knife to cut the sexual tension.”

“I’m surprised you’re all for it, Lily,” Dorcas says. “I know how much you like Lupin, but honestly, I thought you saw Black as an annoying, arrogant and loud prat?”

“Nah,” Lily says. “I’ve discovered there’s more to him than that long ago. And even if he acts brash half of the time, he’s so thoughtful and caring when it comes to Lupin! I’d hardly recognize him.”

“I know!” Mary gushes. “Like, normally he can’t pay attention in class for longer than five minutes, but when Remus is ill and can’t come to class, he takes notes of every word the teacher says, even during History of Magic, just in case Lupin wants to know something. And when does anyone ever wants to know anything about History of Magic?”

Remus blinks. Of course, Sirius can be very considerate, and Remus’s circumstances may make him more in need of his kindness, but it can’t have anything to do with Remus himself, right?

Suddenly, Alice bursts through the door. “Frank just asked me for the Yule Ball!” She squeals.

Immediately, the girls jump to their feet and hug her in excited exclamations of delight. In the consternation, James grabs Sirius and Remus’s arms and drags them to their feet and out of the room.

Nobody says anything until they’re back in their own dorm. Remus sits down on the edge of his bed and becomes extremely interested in the floor.

“Ehm,” James says. “I think Wormtail and I should go to… Ehm, well, not be here.”

After they’ve left, Remus hears Sirius scrape his throat. He jumps, as Sirius is standing much closer than he had expected. He looks up in Sirius’s eyes, and sees his nervousness.

“So,” Sirius says. “It seems like the girls are betting whether we’re going to the Yule Ball together?”

“So it seems indeed,” Remus replies with a nervous laugh.

Sirius runs a hand through his hair. “After McKinnon called me an arrogant twat during Quidditch practice, I’d hate to have her win the bet.”

“Do you now?” Remus asks with a smile. “You’d ask me to be your date just to spite McKinnon?”

“That,” Sirius says. “And also because I’ve allegedly been looking at you like a love sick puppy for years, and taking History of Magic notes, as it turns out, is not the best way to woo you. So what do you say?”

A happy, warm feeling spreads through Remus’s chest and he’s suddenly very glad for James and his stupid ideas and the girls and their dumb bets.

“If you don’t mind having a date whose IQ drops twenty points around you and who prioritizes ogling you over Potions essays?”

[abluescarfonwaston]

Fun fanfiction idea:

Miles crossdresses to avoid being seen in public, and knowing him, it's very convincing. Except for the fact that he's still wearing the exact same shade of red and his hair extensions are the same color.

Maya immediately recognizes him, but Phoenix, being his dense self, takes longer.

Alright which one of you bastards just put me on freaking read? How dare you read me like a freaking children's novel. YOU KNEW I COULDN’T RESIST THIS. Featuring Gender non conforming Miles Edgeworth. Also on AO3

“Earth to Nick.” A cold plastic bag was dropped on his head.

“Ack!” He turned around on the park bench to glare at her. “What was that for?”

“You’ve been totally checked out for like the last ten minutes!”

“I was not! I was completely focused!”

“On what?!” Maya demanded pulling out the ice cream from the bag she’d hit him with and flopping down on the bench next to him. Tearing one open.

“Uhhhh…” His cheeks heated as he glanced back to the focus of his attention. Grabbed the other ice cream to try and cover it. “Nothing.”

It was just… She was beautiful. Silver starlight hair that framed her face and flowed down the curve of her spine. The way her dress hugged the wide expanse of her chest. Pinched down to her narrow hips. The magenta billow of the tail of her dress that still allowed him to see the garters around her muscular calves and thighs when she turned.

She was breathtaking. Just objectively. The kind of women Mia would ask him what kind of conclusive proof he was wearing around his neck to get her to even consider dating him.

She took a step forward in those two inch heels and he swallowed. She was probably at least his height if not taller. Would he have to bounce up on the balls of his feet to kiss her? She’d turn her face up with a teasing smirk and deny him. Did you want something Phoenix?

You know what I want!

Do I?

A kiss! Please!

And that teasing smile would grow just a little bigger and the crinkle under her bespectacled eyes a little softer. Oh I suppose I can do that. She’d angle herself a little lower and kiss him and-

So he might have been a little romantically horny.

Her dog, a big fluffy creature dropped the neon tennis ball at her feet. Play lunging. Tail raised and wagging in anticipation.

She scooped up the ball in her tennis ball throwing… stick. Whatever those were called. Smile widening. His chest twisted. She said something to the dog.

You wanna go? You ready? Is my sweet girl ready?

The dog wiggled. Excitement growing.

She threw back her arm. Go get it! Flung the ball across the park.

Her fluffy beast hurtled after.

“Oh my God Nick.”

Cold ice cream dripped onto his hand jolting him back to his body. He hastily licked it up. Face hot. “Shut up.” I’m allowed to look! I was an art major! I can appreciate beauty while realizing that I’m not allowed to touch!

Or interact in any way with someone so far out of my league.

Gods. She’s pretty.

“Nick is that Edgeworth?”

His head snapped to her then. She wasn’t staring at him laughing at his plight. She was looking at someone in the park.

“What?! Where?!” He tried to follow her gaze to the prosecutor in question. It would be strange to see him out an about. Was he dressed like a normal human being? Was that why she was so surprised? Was he ordering a hot dog from a stand in full Edgeworth Regalia? Gods was he on a run in shorts and a too tight tee, sweaty and slightly disheveled from the exercise?!

He scanned the park as Maya gaped. Jaw working but infuriatingly silent. “Where Maya? I don’t see him.”

If I miss seeing Edgeworth in running shoes and shorts you’re buying your own dinner!

She weakly raised her hand and pointed. Finger shaking.

To… The woman in pink?

He laughed. “What are you talking about Maya?” Just because they’re both gorgeous silver hair people with a preference for light red- bordering on pink-

She cupped her mouth. “Miles Edgeworth!”

He grabbed her. “What do you think you’re doing?!” He glanced at the woman. “See she didn’t even respond!”

“She- he – FLINCHED NICK. It’s TOTALLY HIM! Oh my god!!!” She started to stand. He tried to force her back onto the bench before she humiliated him in front of one of the most stunning people he’d seen in months.

She wiggled free and dashed out towards her.

His life was over. For a moment it flashed in front of his eyes.

… Less of it should have been spent buying food for the woman who was about to be listed as his cause of death!

He scrambled after her. “Maya no!”

“Oh my god! You look so good! Your makeup is on Point!”

“Uh.” She raised the tennis ball stick between her and Maya hiding behind it like a tiny ineffective shield. Face blossoming red. “T-Thank you?” She squeaked out. Her eyes flickered nervously.

Silver. Even her eyes where silver starlight.

He shoved Maya’s head down in an apology bow. “I am SO sorry about her.”

Straighten.

She was taller than him in those heels. Just an inch or three.

His little bi heart was going to give out.

“I-it’s fine.” She laughed airily. Hand grasping at the crook of her elbow as she stared pointedly away.

That felt… Familiar.

“I’m jealous how well you pull that outfit off!”

Her dog trotted right up between them and sat down firmly in front of her. Leaning into her legs and thighs.

Her hand released and buried itself in the thick fur of their fluffy mane.

“We… We should be going.” She fumbled for the leash holstered like Franziska’s whip at her hip.

“Miles?”

She- he – They? Flinched.

Oh. Oh fuck.

“What?! You don’t have to!”

“Don’t run!” He begged hands splayed out wide. Miles looked very much like they wanted to run. “Fuck I’m sorry we won’t tell anyone!”

The hand twitched. Almost to the leash. The dog whined.

Both hands were buried in their mane.

“Did you just curse?” Maya stared at him wide eyed like she’d just found an even better target. Deflated slightly at his and Miles face. Forcibly brightened and clapped her hands together. “What’s your dogs name?”

“… Pess.”

“Aren’t you the handsomest little man Pess? What a sweet puppy!”

“Pess is a lady.”

“The prettiest lady!” Maya immediately began to coo.

He rubbed the back of his neck staring off at the tree line. “Like… You?” He tried to ask.

“Ngh… Not… Not as such no.”

“Oh. O-okay. I mean- it’d be fine if you were! You really do make a pretty lady!”

Fuck.

“Yeah Nick couldn’t stop staring at you!”

MAYA.

“Is… that right?”

He chuckled nervously. “Haha. Maybe? Uh would we… Talk?”

“I… suppose.”

“Can I throw the ball for your dog then?”

“Ah.” He looked at the stick. Handed it to her. “Sure.”

They sat on the bench. Miles tucked the tail of the dress under them. Long fingers splayed on their thighs.

“Sooo… Um.”

“If you’re going to laugh just do it already. Go on. Laugh!”

“…”Miles turned their face away as they spit out the demand. His chest clenched for entirely different reason. “My pronouns are he him?” He tried. The fingers eased slightly as Miles turned and peered at him through those silver bangs. “What are yours?”

There was a long pause as Miles studied him. Face dropped back to their thighs. “He him is fine. Although I do not object to they them in private.”

“Does now count as private?”

“Well I certainly don’t want you using he him right now.”

“Got it.” He threw an arm over the bench and stared at them. Even more breathtaking up close. It was unfair Miles got to be hot in all the genders. He could barely manage the one. “So is this like. A hobby?”

“No not. I enjoy dresses and skirts in a gender defying way not. As crossdressing.” They stared down at their manicured fingers. “The extent of this presentation is…”

He waited for Miles to continue. Pressed when they didn’t. “Is?”

Miles raised their chin. “Someone in my position can’t be seen wearing these sorts of things. I don’t appreciate the attention I receive from merely being openly gay. Much less gender non-conforming.”

“Yeah no I totally get that- I mean you’re a private guy- person? – to begin with. Totally fine!”

There was a weak smile. They tugged on their sleeve. “There is another benefit…”

“Oh yeah?”

“I’m not a high ranked prosecutor like this. There are no eyes watching me.” Yeah I don’t think that’s true in the slightest. “No tabloids itching to catch the demon prosecutor doing something distasteful or vengeful people hoping for a moment to come yell at me. I’m not ‘Prosecutor Edgeworth’ so… I can relax.”

“Oh.” He blinked. Squished his face further into the crook of his arm. “Guess that makes sense.” They stared out at the park. Watching Maya pretend to throw the ball for Pess. Shoulders loose and relaxed. Screw it. “Miles.” He tacked on just half a second too late.

The shoulders pulled up and that red tint returned. Red really was their color. “W-What are you?”

“You’re not Prosecutor Edgeworth right now right? So you’re Miles. Isn’t that right?”

The blush climbed their cheeks up to their ears. “No, you’re Wright.”

“Not right now I’m not. Right now I’m Phoenix.” He stared up through the lashes of his eyes at his childhood best friend. All red and silver starlight. “And I’m sitting on the bench with the prettiest person I’ve ever seen.”

Holy shit! That was almost smooth! That’ll never happen again! It’s so good were sitting down or else I’d have tripped on my shoes and face planted as universal karma for that!

Miles twisted away. Hand coming up to cover their face. He could still see their ears burning red.

“Me too.” Miles mumbled.

“Huh?” He lifted his head slightly. Cocked it.

“The bench. That’s true for me too.”

“Uh. Wha?” The bench?

I’m sitting on the bench with the prettiest person I’ve ever seen.

He fell to the ground. All the blood collecting in his face. “Wha- You- You can’t just!”

Miles turned. A teasing smirk pulling at his face. “Oh haven’t you heard Phoenix?” Fuck. “Turnabout’s fair play.”

Bastard. He grinned. Bastard.

Turnabouts fair play.

[teawiththegods]

jessie :) hi! I hope youre well omg I didnt realize you were in "divine detention" and doing Labors to the gods this whole time. I hope youre making progress, im wondering how its like? also, much love to ur kitty !!! ive been watching cat videos a ton lately lol

Hello, love!!

Yup, I’ve been stuck in Divine Detention since around the end of April. Well they’ve been unhappy with me since before then but they went silent on my near the end of April. The only ones I’ve really interacted with is Aphrodite and Ares showed up thanks to @theoi-crow. (i’ve been hanging out with him the most. So chatty that one! lol!) I’ve felt the others pop in and out every so often but it’s nothing like how it used to be. Hermes especially who was always around has been completely MIA. Honestly it sucks and I’m still mad at myself for letting it get to this but can’t really do anything about the past. Instead I’m focusing on my labors and doing the work I need to do. It’s going good so far. I can tell Apollo is pleased especially with the progress I’ve made in regards to my creativity. Realizing that expressing myself through my art specifically for myself is an act of self-love. I’ve also realized it’s a beautiful and intimate activity I can share with just Apollo.

I also realized that self-love HAS to be at the center of the work I do. That was a discovery Aphrodite especially was thrilled I finally made.

Also giving myself the space finally to think instead of distracting myself with digital screens has helped me form new ideas about my worship and how I might go about it going forward.

According to my monthly Tarot reading with the gods, May is all about shadow work and gratitude work. Which makes sense since I’ll be living downstairs with my dad and brother in my childhood bedroom. Shadow work is inevitable! It’s gonna be rough but it’s also necessary. I think this is a big reason why the gods have pretty much forced me to drop everything else because they knew I needed to focus on myself right now. I don’t think I really understood the gravity of what I’m going through in terms of my trauma work and how sharing space with my family again was going to impact me. Also it’s about taking advantage of this opportunity for healing. You know when am I ever going to be in my childhood bedroom again? Kind of seems like the perfect moment and environment to focus completely on inner child work and healing.

This is why I always say it’s important to listen to the gods. They know so much more than we do. They had been trying to prepare me for this for awhile yet I continuously shrugged them off. Like what is the point of having divine help if you aren’t even gonna use it, Jessica!?!?

ANYWAY, to summarize...it’s been difficult but ultimately this has all been good for me and it’ll be 100% worth it in the long run. I’ll likely look back at this moment and be like “Yup thats when I finally got my shit together and look at me now!’ and Apollo will be like “Yeah you’re welcome! Damn pain in my gorgeous ass!” xDDDD

And thank you for the love to Moo! She’s been quite happy with all the love and admiration she’s been getting! She says it feels correct xDDDD

[evakuality]

Mia, episode seven

Sorry, don’t read this if you like Mia.  I am not a fan of hers in this episode.

1.  Ugh.  I do not like that there is no recognition here of the conversation with Kiki.  I don’t get it - if you’re going to have that conversation and make it feel like a wrench for Mia to ‘give up’ Alex, why not address it properly?  Even if this comes up again later, I dislike that when she arrived there was no discussion about the Kiki thing, and now it’s all about sex with no recognition that she is now literally lying and going behind Kiki’s back.  Worse, it was Mia who told Kiki she would do whatever it took to keep her friendship, so she lied about that too.  I’m really disappointed in where this went.  She didn’t have to tell Kiki she would give Alex up - they were having a really honest conversation and she could just have said ‘I fell for him even though I know I shouldn’t’ and I don’t understand why they made that choice.  I don’t remember the og on this at all so I don’t know if they got it from there, but even if it is in there, they could have chosen to not have Mia deliberately and specifically lie to Kiki’s face and then act like she has no compunction about it at all.

2.  Okay so they’re finally talking about Kiki, but Mia dismisses that with ‘it’s not about Kiki’ and ‘I already talked to her’?  When that conversation literally ended differently, and now she’s lying to both Alex and Kiki?  Yeah, this isn’t doing it for me at all.  And to think, I actually did like Mia before this.  But the end of the last episode and the start of this one has really revised my feelings on her.  It’s not just Alex who’s being a dick in this situation.  I also don’t like that we’re supposed to be feeling sorry for Alex here because he has ‘problems with his parents’.  I know, assuming this is like the og, that there is a deeper thing here with the sister, but even so.  How on earth can they have a relationship when it’s based on lies and hating each other’s family circumstances?  I still don’t understand what they see in each other.  If it’s only sex, then there are SO many more people out there and nothing so far has sold me that either of them genuinely likes the other as a person.

3.  And yet another clip with Mia knowing she’s being an asshole and choosing not to address it.  I know she has this need to be in control and I know she’s doing something that’s for her for once and that’s probably both exhilarating and scary, but ugh.  The amount of lies is really building up.  Most of the other couples in our little world have communication issues etc, and many are hiding things, but actually lying on purpose like this isn’t as common and Mia is just casually throwing them out there like it’s easy.  Also ‘why me?’ ‘because you know who I am’ - ummmm, no she doesn’t Alex.  You’re literally hiding stuff from her as well!!  Unless you mean, she knows you’re an asshole and gives you the time of day anyway?  Plus, it’s not believable - Alex clearly started stalking/pursuing/gaslighting her well before she showed that she ‘knew’ him.    Like it’s nice that they’re trying to ‘communicate’ here, but if they’re just going to keep lying it’s not actually going to help.

4.  I get what they’re going for with this little bubble the two of them are in.  But Mia literally is avoiding her life and the more time she spends not connecting with her friends, the more likely they are to be concerned.  This bubble can’t last and I dislike that this whole thing is built on such a fragile and unbelievable base for them as they pretend the rest of the world doesn’t exist.  It’s strange that I’m okay with it with Matteo and David and their fake vs real thing, but I think it’s because the issues are different and there were no specific promises to other people not to connect.  Keeping things private is different from lying outright.  Plus, neither Matteo nor David was an actual asshole and I still don’t believe that Alex isn’t the guy he showed through 1.5 seasons, and the one who was so awful to Kiki.  

5.  And of course, as expected, Kiki finds out when she’s trying to do something nice for Mia.  And of course she’s now more hurt than she was before.  So, now Mia thinks ‘I can’t do this to Kiki’?  Not a few days ago when Kiki was vulnerable and open with her?  No, it has to be now after she made things 500% worse.  It’s funny - I don’t usually find myself in a situation where I dislike the PoV character in these shows.  But here I am.  I actually dislike Mia in this episode.  I can usually get where a character is coming from even when I can see them totally stuffing up, but here she’s made conscious and deliberate choices and I don’t have any sympathy that they’ve come back to bite her.  I usually have some sympathy for the struggles, but not today.

6.  I know, from things that I’ve seen around, what this bunch of all-caps texts from Alex are about.  But again, Mia has no reason to know and respond the way she does.  It might have helped if we knew ahead of time what is going on with him, even if it was mentioned casually before maybe.  But instead, we have her jumping to her feet and rushing off to him for no real reason.  This is, again, the big problem Druck always has - pacing and making the story beats believable as an entirety rather than as discrete clips.  Even looking at the time for this episode - we had the entire build up and destruction of their relationship within the space of half an episode and now less than a minute later it’s all back on because of this panic attack.  It’s too fast, no time to breathe.  Skam and its offshoots always work best when things are allowed to develop organically and at a pace that isn’t this rushed.  The clip format is half to blame for this, but even with that it should be possible to develop this whole thing at an easier pace that builds tension and makes sense.

7.  Pacing, pacing, pacing.  Ugh.  Just this episode Mia explained why she’s not ready for sex, and now when Alex is or has been in a vulnerable state, she’s all ‘hey you know what would be a great idea?  Sex’  Why does all this stuff all have to be in one episode?  Why did we need so much of Alex being an asshole at the start of the season only to cram so much of the important relationship development stuff into one short episode?  I know they had to cut it down from the og (thank goodness, that one was far too long), but there are ways they could have done it while letting all these plotpoints breathe a bit.  It’s too crammed into one episode when it didn’t have to be.

8.  Yes Hanna, express this stuff for me: ‘all this happened in the last 3 days?’ Exactly.  Also this scene proves once again why Mia and Hanna should be a thing.  They have real, genuine conversations in which no-one ends up feeling belittled.  And they have great chemistry.  Seriously, Mia should have looked in this direction.  But honestly, in terms of pacing, Kiki finding out at the end of this episode and then this whole part being the focus of the next one would work better.  This whole business with Carlos is cute and all, and his advice is actually pretty decent, but again it’s all so rushed.  Again, I know this was released clip by clip and so the format is a bit different, but it should probably also work in an episodic format.  I feel like I’ve lived 3 episodes all in one go and now we have the other girls showing up and being disapproving as well; it’s too much.

9.  I don’t like that two episodes in a row (and after such a LOT in this one) we have a ‘Mia trying to be open with Kiki’ scene.  This excuse ‘I wanted to protect you’ is unkind and we already saw on more than one occasion how Mia protecting Kiki was a bad thing for Mia.  Also ‘I didn’t understand that it’s something serious between Alex and me’ is such a huge problem for me.  She literally lied to Kiki’s face and then went to Alex immediately afterwards.  So either she did know how serious it was or she didn’t really care that much and didn’t need to go back to him at all.  This is so frustrating because we’re supposed to accept all of this at face value when actually on any sort of consideration it doesn’t hold up.  So even though Kiki’s little speech is really good and does highlight all the issues I have with Mia, unfortunately a) I already disliked her because of it and b) because it’s all so rushed, I don’t care about any of it.  Except Kiki.  Which, considering how awful and racist etc she has been is a huge feat.  And effectively, Kiki has moved herself aside and allowed Mia to have Alex if she wants.  All of this in one episode!  

Basically I did not enjoy this episode, there was too much crammed into it (I have this same issue with some of Nora’s in s5, and it is one of the biggest issues I often have with Druck compared to the og) and so while Kiki’s speech should have been a turning point allowing us to see a way into Mia’s future, I am actually left disliking our main character and not all that inclined to watch the rest of the season.  

[wondershawns]

Safety (Chapter 12) [S.M.]

A/N: Took me long enough, but here’s the last chapter of this series. Not gonna lie, I’m pretty relieved it’s at the end because I’ve been lacking inspiration for it for a while now, but I didn’t want to stop writing it. It’s also quite an achievement for me to finish another series because they’re always harder to write than separate one-shots, so yeah, hope you like this.

Word count: 2513

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The rooms downstairs were cleaned and filled with medical supplies. A few others had toys and games in them for the kids who would have to stay there until everything was over. It was long to prepare, yet you felt like the time flew past. You were doing the last of the work, double checking everything before you could take a break.

“Do you need anything?” Shawn popped his head into the room just as you finished ticking things off your list.

“No, I think we’re all set,” You saw his extended hand and took it, letting him pull you closer.

“We’re not expecting as many injuries as we’ve got beds, okay?” He kissed your forehead, kicking the door shut behind him with his foot. The pack house was full of people, you hadn’t gotten a minute alone together since you woke up.

“It’s all for a worst case scenario,” You repeated what he had told you.

“It won’t come to that.” Shawn gave both of your hands a squeeze. “All I need you to do is stay with Mia,”

“Mia? Why?”

“Sam is going to be the oldest wolf left in the house, he’s also the strongest physically.” Shawn explained. “He got some training, he’s a decent fighter. If anything happens I ordered him to protect you, but over any orders he’ll protect his mate at all cost. If you stay with her he won’t have to make a decision.”

“Okay,” You nodded, making a note in your mind to keep him close all the time. If you got busy with injuries he’d have to stay with you.

“It’s probably a useless precaution, I just… I can’t focus on what I have to do unless I know you’re safe,”

“I’ll stay with Mia,” You promised to make sure he wouldn’t spend time worrying about you. He was doing more than enough for you already. “I still don’t want you to go,” You voiced your disagreement once more, it was no use, but you didn’t want him to risk his and other people’s lives to keep you safe.

“I know,” Shawn wrapped his arms around you tighter, his chin resting on top of your head. “I have to,”

“I know,” You didn’t make him repeat himself, he had already told you many times that issues with that pack existed before he found out you were his mate.

“It’ll be over soon, and when it is, I promise we can have the calmest life you could ever imagine. No more crazy packs, just us,”

“I love you,” You murmured against his skin, knowing he heard you perfectly. “So much,”

“I love you too, more than anything else in the world,” He would do anything to keep you safe, he’d give everything up as long as you were okay.

“Promise you’ll come back to me safe?”

“I promise,” Shawn screwed his eyes shut as he said the words.

He wasn’t supposed to make promises he couldn’t keep.

.

Parents dropped children off at the pack house one by one, leaving them with sleeping bags and candy like this was a sleepover. Teenagers who were old enough to know what was going on hugged their parents for a few extra seconds before taking the youngest kids by the hand to guide them inside.

Some wolves were young but strong enough to fight, so Shawn dispatched them around the pack house to form a last line of defense. He refused to let them get anywhere near the front lines. Him and the rest of the adults were going to meet the other alphas and their packs before moving onto the attack.

You thought it’d be hard to say goodbye to Shawn, but when it was time to leave you barely had a minute together before he was gone.

“I’ll see you soon,” Shawn took a few steps aside with you, trying to find words to reassure you. There were none.

“Stay safe,” You brought a hand up to his cheek to cup his face, and he nodded in response.

“I love you,” He leaned in for one last kiss. He wanted to make it count, to let you know everything he felt through this one touch, but he knew that if he let himself deepen it he’d never be able to bring himself to leave.

“I love you too,” It was all over too fast for your liking. Tears pricked at your eyes, you didn’t know what else to say.

“Shawn!” Brian called out, interrupting the moment when the group began to walk away from the house.

It was over just like that.

You vaguely realised Sam was pulling you back into the house, only snapping back to your senses when you tripped over the doormat.

“Alright,” You breathed out since the house was full of teenagers. You were the last adult in charge apart from Doc, and you didn’t feel like you were qualified. “Does everyone know what they’re doing?”

“Yeah,” Sam sat at the table with you, Mia to his right. She had no idea how lucky she was that he was here with her. You’d give anything to be able to keep an eye on Shawn right now.

“Good, okay, the kids should still be sleeping for a while,”

You were worried of what would happen during the day, when everyone would be awake and scared for family members and loved ones. You’d probably be the worst one, considering they were all used to being in the pack and listening to whatever Shawn said. The orders were clear, stay in the house until they come back.

By the time the sun was up in the sky you had managed to busy yourself playing cards with Sam and Mia. You were thankful for them distracting you instead of just disappearing to spend time together in his bedroom. Teenagers were taking care of their younger siblings, finding them games or putting movies on in different rooms so that everyone would be happy.

It was all going so well you almost forgot about what was going on. You forgot until the first wounded got through the door.

An order from Doc cleared the living room of children to make sure they wouldn’t see anything, and you kicked into work mode. You rolled a bed to the front door, taking the man on it and immediately figuring out how to take care of him. Two young wolves had brought him through, they weren’t fighting, only keeping a safety perimeter around the house, so they also took care of helping anyone that got hurt.

They came one after the other until lunch rolled by, slowly filling up some of the rooms but recovering rapidly enough to be stable after a few hours. You were taking a break and helping in the kitchen to cook enough food for everyone when you heard of the first casualty.

The reality of how dangerous this fight was caught up to you. Not every wolf would make it back and heal in a day.

The thought stayed on the back of your mind until the end of the day while wounded wolves came back one by one until a large group of them came through. Shawn wasn’t in it, and neither was Brian. You knew they’d never abandon each other, neither would come back alone, they’d make it to the house together or not at all.

The second option made you nauseous. You didn’t want to hear about how the pack only suffered three casualties and they were the only two missing, nothing would sound like good news until Shawn was safe with you.

Children went home with their parents for the night, the wolves without families to take care of remained, deciding to rest for a few hours before they all went to look for Shawn.

You couldn’t sleep, you were staring at the front door, waiting for Shawn to come through any second now. You couldn’t lose hope, not when he promised he’d come back. You knew it wasn’t right that he promised he’d be safe, it wasn’t something he could control, but he was Shawn and he always held his promises, so you refused to stop believing in him.

Your heart skipped a beat when Brian made it to the pack house.

“Where is he?” You asked, jumping up from the couch with your last sliver of hopes.

“I don’t know, I’m sorry,” Brian coughed out. You were so engrossed with Shawn you barely realised he was injured. Others had reacted faster than you, and there was already a bed being rolled towards him. “I was trying to find him before I came back,” He dismissed the bed with a wave. “I’ll go back, I just-” He broke into a coughing fit, bringing his hand up to cover his mouth. It came back stained with blood. “I need an hour of rest, maybe two,”

“Let me help you up,” You took his arm and hooked it over your shoulders. “Come on,”

You pushed your concern for Shawn aside, helping his beta walk up the stairs instead. He needed more than two hours of rest, you couldn’t let him get back out until he was healed. Other wolves could go look for Shawn.

“You need more than two hours,” You helped him into his bed, neither of you bothered that he was smearing blood all over the bedsheets. There were bigger things to worry about. “Why didn’t you come back with everyone else?”

“I wasn’t hurt, so I told them I’d stay.” He winced as he tried to get comfortable. “One of their last wolves took me by surprise when I went to look for Shawn,”

“Do you have any idea of where he could have gone?” You adjusted his pillow for him.

“He took off after their alpha during the fight, none of us could follow, I don’t know how far they went,”

“Others are already planning on going to find him,” You hoped it would reassure him, but it didn’t reassure you. Shawn was the type to do stupid things to save other people. “Do you need anything?”

“Keep me updated if anything happens,” Brian didn’t even think of asking for water, he was as worried about Shawn as you were. They had always fought side by side, they were a team, but ever since you came into the picture Shawn was too focused on protecting you, it made him reckless.

.

You didn’t get a minute of sleep. Your eyelids were heavy and you struggled to keep your eyes open, but even when you did close them there was no resting for you. You wouldn’t sleep until you got news on where Shawn was.

Wolves came back from their search empty handed, others went out to replace them. The sun was rising when you heard footsteps down the stairs. Everyone was meant to be asleep, the house was silent, so you turned your head to see who was coming down.

You didn’t say a word as Brian took a seat on the couch next to you. He wasn’t well enough to leave, but he couldn’t stand being in his room any longer. He didn’t feel like talking either, but at least as he sat with you he knew he’d be first to see when Shawn came home.

You didn’t eat even when other wolves offered you some breakfast, and Brian couldn’t bring himself to touch the food either. The morning was progressing and you should both be hungry, but the thought of Shawn was the only thing on both of your minds.

Hours passed before the rattle of the door handle made Brian look up. You kept staring at the wall in front of you, your hearing not sensitive enough to pick up on the sound. Your head only turned when the door got pushed open, and you would have recognised the head of curls that made it in anywhere, no matter how disheveled he looked.

“Shawn!” You ran up to the door, catching him in your arms. His knees were threatening to buckle and you were having a hard time holding him up.

“You’re okay,” Relief was obvious in his voice.

“Of course I’m okay, I’ve been locked up here since you left, it’s you I’ve been worried about,” You tried not to cry, supporting his weight as well as you could.

“I’m f- fine,” He coughed out, almost collapsing on you.

“I got him,” Brian gently pushed you aside and lifted Shawn onto a bed. “We’re gonna get you back on your feet man,”

“Just hang on a little longer, okay?” You walked by his side as the bed was rolled into a room. “You did it, we’re all safe, you just need to heal,”

He was too weak to respond, having used the last of his energy to get back to you. He needed rest more than anything else.

You sat by him and talked to him while doc and Brian patched him up. It didn’t take long, his state was mostly due to how much energy he had lost, his wounds weren’t too severe. He had healed from most of them already, which took up a lot of his strength. The blood loss had made him severely dehydrated, but you knew he’d be okay.

“Next time you disappear like that in the middle of a fight I’ll kill you,” Brian stated when he was done placing a bandage on his chest.

“Lesson learned,” Shawn coughed his response. “I won’t do it again,”

“Good. I’ll go get you some food,” The redhead knew there’d be something ready for him in the kitchen.

“I’m so hungry,”

Shawn inhaled the food. He always ate a lot, but he was starving after the fight and all the time he spent without rest or food. He emptied plate after plate and finished with one last sandwich.

“That was exactly what I needed,” He leaned back against his pillows. “Best sandwich of my life,”

“You need to rest now,” You smiled at the way his eyelids dropped. Tiredness was catching up to him now that his stomach was full.

“Can I go to my room? I want to sleep with you,” He threaded his fingers through yours lazily, his thumb rubbing on the back of your hand so gently it tickled you a little.

“Me too, but you can’t move yet, doctor’s orders,” You scooted your chair closer to the bed. He had gained some strength back already, he looked a lot better now that he was hydrated and had eaten. “Tomorrow, okay?”

“Will you stay here?” Shawn’s tone was begging, and you didn’t even hesitate. You got up and slid under the covers next to him, resting on your side and mindful of his injuries.

“I’m not letting you out of my sight for the next month,” You chuckled, earning a grin from him. The closer he was to you the better, but your playful tone fell quickly. “I was so scared,”

“I promised I’d come back,” He lifted his hand to cup your cheek, brushing his thumb over your skin.

“Yeah you did,” You whispered, a tear threatening to fall from your eye.

“I always keep my promises,”

“I know you do.”

.

Please reblog and let me know what you thought!

[am-imagines]

Love Guard. - Alex Morgan Imagine.

Prompt:  Hey, could you do one where r is a lifeguard and the uswnt spends a day at the beach. Something happens to one of the players that requires r’s help. Maybe combined with flirting from Alex or kelley

A/N: When I received this prompt, I saw the same one in different blogs, so I decided to give it a spin. I hope you’re still around, anon. I know I’ve been taking forever and being MIA more than I’d like, but I didn’t forget. I have all of your prompts and I’m steadily working on them, I promise.

Any and all mistakes are mine. I hope you like it!

You’ve spent a thousand days on that beach; countless afternoons after school enjoying the water, and a handful of summers watching sunsets from the lifeguard tower. That place was your life before you moved out to college. It was your sanctuary when the world hadn’t discovered you yet and your skills were polished in the sand instead of a pitch.

Being there after so many years; days spent training with your club and summers conquering every tournament in existence with the USWNT, is quite an odd thing.

You’re not the same person you were back then; now you have Gold Medals and World Cups to speak for. And yet, you’re not so different; still in love with the sea and that piece of paradise with calm waves and water that barely gets to your waist for a hundred feet.

That beach is still somewhat private, a secret not many know and therefore, just a few people are there when you walk in.

The sand is as golden as you remember and the ocean awaits for you.

“How did you discover this place?”

You’re pulled back into the moment, your attention goes back to Pinoe as the woman waits for an answer, but the question isn’t directed at you.

“I used to come here every weekend when I was younger,” says Alex.

A beach day in L.A. was in the agenda and since Alex is home, she took on the guide role. You went along just to see what the forward had in mind, but you certainly weren’t expecting to be in a place that meant so much to you once upon a time.

You find it hilarious. You have so many memories there and yet you almost forgot about it completely. It’s a good thing they don’t know much about your past or the times you worked as a lifeguard in that very same place. You’re pretty sure someone would ask you to run in slow-motion just because they’re brats.

“This is amazing!”

You agree with Kelley and Sonnett as your group marches decidedly to what they claimed to be the best spot. What makes it the best spot? You’re not quite sure but help Ali and Christen to lay down enough towels for all your teammates.

Even then, you leave sunbathing to Rose, Carli and some others. The sea is calling you. The volleyball game that Alex and Kelley are starting in the water is too good to pass out and soon enough half of the team is ready to play, and the other half watches intently as they drink on all that vitamin D.

Someone turns up the music on a bluetooth speaker and that’s pretty much how madness begins. Pinoe is supposed to be your ref, but then Ash is shouting the score and confusing the hell out of everyone, Tobin changes teams at least three times, a ball hits Sam directly on the face and you’re laughing until your sides hurt.

At some point Ash, Alyssa and AD start tossing people into the water and you find it unfair when Franch zeroes on you as her next target. You try to fight her until Alex is behind you; holding you in place until the goalie can toss you over her shoulder.

“Traitor!” You shout to Alex before going underwater.

It’s not the first time Alex does something like that and you’re sure it won’t be the last. You blush whenever she’s around; your gay shows along with the crush you’ve tried to hide for months. But that woman drives you crazy, and maybe she knows it a bit too well.

You blame everything on her smile, on her eyes as blue as the sea around you. They shine with mischief every so often, and you know you’re in trouble the next time she smirks at you.

“Oh, no.”

“What?” She asks with the sweetest and most innocent look.

“I don’t like that face.”

“Really? You don’t like my face?”

Alex bats her eyelashes and pouts. By then, it’s obvious she knows exactly what she’s doing and she’s just playing with you. But you’re not quite sure if she’s just being playful because she knows you fancy her or if she likes you too.

Before you can argue your case, she splashes you in the face.

“You did not!” You exclaim in mock shock as you wipe your cheek. “This is war, Morgan!”

With the most ridiculous war cry you can muster; one you’re sure Xena would be proud of, you chase after her.

Alex is a good swimmer and a cheeky woman with the nerve to splash you again before squirming away. It’s easy to be part of her game even when she dares to splash you a third time.

You follow her deeper into the sea until the water is at your chest level and you can actually swim. The rest of the team is far behind you; the sound of their laughter faint and all your focus on the woman that has unknowingly won your heart.

“You’re going to pay for this,” you tell her once she’s within reach.

Your arms sneak around her waist and she struggles to find her footing for a second. With your help, Alex finds her balance and you smile sheepishly at her.

“I thought you were supposed to help me instead of trying to kill me.”

She says it as a joke; the kind of light jabs and playful banter you’re used to, but there’s something about the way Alex says those words that make your heart stop for a second. Alex still has that same mischievous look while you become a deer caught in the headlights.

“What?” You ask dumbfounded.

“You know,” Alex starts while her harms wrap around your neck. “There was a reason why I came to this place as often as possible.”

All the clues are tight there. The pieces of the puzzle are there for you to pick, and yet, you can’t really think straight when Alex is so close. You blame it on her eyes and how blue they are with the ocean all around you. Or maybe it’s the softness of her sun-kissed skin as she pulls you closer.

Whatever the case, you barely register that she’s talking to you.

“There was this one lifeguard,” she continues. “The cutest girl I’ve ever seen. I remember stealing glances here and there, but she was always too busy taking care of the shore. She would help anyone that asked for it. It’s just...I never had the courage to talk to her.”

“Why not?”

To you, Alex Morgan is the most confident woman in the world. In and out of the field, she radiates confidence. It’s one of the many reasons that make her a team captain. You can’t think of any circumstance where she´d shy away from something or someone.

“I’m not sure. I was embarrassed for having a crush on her. But to be honest, I think I fell a bit in love with her back then.”

“Just a bit?”

“Yes. Then another bit years later when she walked into the room as the newest member of the National Team. And maybe a little bit more every day since then.”

You remember your youth and the passion you had for the sea. You remember the lifeguard tower and everyone in there; all boys except for you. They became your family, and leaving them behind for college was hard. Still, it was the right decision.

It was in college that you found a new passion.

You discovered your speed and the mean way you could kick a ball. Talent, your coach called it, but you worked day and night to develop skills. And ultimately, those were the ones that got you into the USWNT.

Life works in funny ways.

You’re back at the start; in the same beach, with the same blue eyes following your every move. But now you have a World Cup championship under your belt, and maybe enough confidence to be with the girl of your dreams.

“Hi, I’m Y/n. I’m a Lifeguard, don’t fret. I’m here to help.”

A flash of confusion crosses Alex’s face for only a second before she understands exactly what you’re doing. She chuckles at your antics but is willing to play your game.

“Yes, please. I swam all the way here and now I can’t get back. I’m a little out of breath.”

“Is that so?”

This whole thing is silly, but the kind of silly that will make you look back with a fond smile. You have trouble trying not to laugh as you speak, but hey, Alex can’t blame you when she’s fighting her own laughter.

“We should take you back to the shore then.”

“I had a different idea,” she intercedes.

You have half a second to react before she cups your face and her lips meet yours.

It’s impossible to fight the smile off even when she’s kissing you. It’s the perfect kiss; soft, gentle and yet enough to surpass every dream you’ve ever had of this moment.

You never saw Alex on that beach; too high on the freedom the water gave you to notice anything else. Even when you were focused on the job, you were trained to pay attention to the signs of drowning and not the faces, so you barely remembered anyone.

But you saw Alex when you joined the National Team. You saw her from the moment you entered the soccer world, and maybe you also fell a bit in love with her from that day.

“Should we go back?” You ask when you finally break apart.

“Guess we have to deal with the team now.”

“So it seems.”

It doesn’t matter if Alex is a great swimmer, you use your training to guide her closer to the shore until the water is only at waist level. Instead of letting her go, you carry her bridal style to the safety of the sandy beach.

“Now you’re safe.”

“Are you sure?” She asks clingling a bit tighter to you.

“What else do you want from me, woman?”

“Another kiss.”

That’s a request you’re all too happy to comply with. 

You see Alex as she truly is; beautiful and strong, resilient, capable to make the world kneel at her feet. She’s an extraordinary human being, and you love every bit of her.

[gubes-sweaters]

Mind, Body, and Soul 4

Authors note: Sorry for being MIA for a bit. I was going through a lot of things with my family, school, friends, etc. I got in a terrible funk and I had no motivation to write. I’m doing much better now and I’m going to go back to posting regularly. Another thing I know in the show Spencer drives a Volvo, but for this story, he drives a station wagon like mgg.

Content warning: A brief mention of a drug deal and medication and… teeth rotting fluff if that counts.

Word count: 4.6k

You can find part three here

Chapter 4: My Safe Place

I wake up to the smoke alarm going off. It takes me a second to realize what’s going on but as soon as I realize I make a mad dash to the kitchen. In my haste, I slip on the rug in the living room that connects to the kitchen. My morning couldn’t be more chaotic. Both of my roommates are coughing up a lung from the smoke while opening windows and fanning out the area. Turns out that they decided to make breakfast but somehow they can’t even make eggs and toast without almost burning the place down. I quickly gather myself from off of the ground and join Tweedledee and Tweedledum in cleaning up their mess. It takes thirty minutes to clear the smoke and to clean up the kitchen. After all, is said and done I look over at the stove and see that it’s already 9:30.

“Shit shit shit!” I shout while running towards my bathroom trying to get ready. Stella and Raven follow me into the bathroom wondering what I’m freaking out about.

“What’s the freak out for?” Raven says before peeking her head in the bathroom door. I’m already stepping into the shower as they both lean up against the bathroom counter exchanging confused looks.

“I uh forgot... I made plans with Penelope that have been a month in the making.” I stammer out from behind the shower curtain. In my mind, I’m debating telling them what I’m actually up to. Their two of my best friends and we’ve been friends since elementary school. I tell them practically everything, but on the other hand, I enjoy spending time with Spencer without it being a big deal. Of course, my friends would be happy for me but at the same time, they also tend to treat me like a child because I’m a year younger than them and I’m their “innocent” friend. I almost feel like I’d be disappointing them if I break from that title. I love them both so much but I think for now it’s better to keep those parts of my life separate.

“Well tell Pen that we said hi. Oh, and don’t forget about Daisy’s birthday on Saturday.” Stella reminds me before walking off with Raven. Daisy is a girl that Raven and I used to study with our freshman year of college. Raven, Daisy, and I had the same psychology class, and Raven and I clung to her pretty quickly. Raven and Daisy both happened to be going for forensic psychology, but I’m getting my degree in social work, so our sophomore year I didn’t have classes with either of them. My point is I haven’t seen her in two years but Raven and Stella are both close with her still and for some reason Daisy also invited me. I’m not complaining because she was really sweet, and I distinctly remember she was the type of person who showed their love through touch. If you needed a hug she was there, if you needed a shoulder to cry on she was there. I just feel like I’m intruding now because I haven’t seen her in two years and according to my roommates you wouldn’t even recognize her anymore, so I’m not sure if I’m going to be able to talk to her without awkward small talk. I’ll have to worry about that later now I have to worry about being late for a date... an outing. I’m not sure what to call whatever Spencer and I are doing today.

I rush to blow dry my hair, put on a little bit of makeup, I throw on a sublime t-shirt and a pair of jeans. Just as I slip on my vans, I get a text from Spencer.

Spencer (pain in my ass): I’m out front :)

me: okie dokie I’ll be down in a minute!

—————————- Time Skip —————————

We’ve been driving and listening to music in comfortable silence for the past 30 minutes. Soon enough though, we pull in front of a small café. The place seems oddly familiar, but I can’t put my finger on it. No matter how many times I asked Spencer he would never tell me where we’re going. He called me boring, yet our first stop is a café. I’m not complaining at all, but it seems a little more mundane than I would expect from Spencer. Either way, I’m excited because I’m seeing him again.

“You ready?” He turns to look at me with a big goofy grin on his face. It’s nice seeing him smile I could get used to seeing it more. No. No. No. Don’t think like that this isn’t a date he’s simply keeping a promise that he made to me. This definitely isn’t a date right?

“Of course, but where are we?” I asked still not sure what I’m walking into. Despite me asking him he doesn’t answer, he just unbuckles his seatbelt and steps out of the car. I follow in his footsteps because I don’t want to look like a dork just mindlessly sitting in his car.

“We’re just popping in for some coffee don’t worry about it.” Spencer says while basically pulling me into this building. As we step in the smell of coffee brewing fills my senses, as I try and take in my surroundings I hear the sounds of cats purring and meowing. I turn my head and see that this isn’t any regular café, it’s a cat café. I remember some of these cats because this is the cat café that has adopted some of the cats from the Humane Society the Pen and I volunteer at. That’s why this place seemed so familiar.

“I asked Penelope what you did in your free time. She mentioned you volunteer and you’re a big animal lover, so I figured this was a fun way to ease you into today’s events.” He turns to me with a smile on his face while we wait in line for coffee.

“This is amazing Spencer. Seriously this is perfect.” As we're waiting in line we watch the cats in the next room over through the large window. We watch as some kittens chase after one another. A couple of the older cats are either sitting on the windowsill purring or sitting in someone’s lap instead of playing like the kittens. As we go to order Spencer insists on paying, after a while I concede. He pulls out a large wad of cash from a money clip, which I wasn’t expecting, I mean I didn’t expect him to be broke, but most college students don’t have that kind of money lying around. Maybe he gets money from his parents, or he happened to have a really good paying job. Instead of being lost my own thoughts and mental gymnastics, I focus on the cats in the room that we’re walking into.

About five minutes later we both get the iced coffees that we ordered. Spencer got enough sugar in his to give somebody a heart attack. With the coffees, we got a small little bag of catnip. A chubby orange cat immediately starts to take a liking to Spencer, the cat is sucking up to him because he’s the one with the catnip. About half an hour later we get ready to leave, but not before I watch Spencer trip more than once over himself while entertaining the cats and inevitably everybody else in the café that started watching. We decide to call it quits before falls, and he cracks his skull open. As we get back into his car he announces now that I’ve dipped my toes in the “fun pool” it’s time to kick it up a notch, but once again he won’t tell me where we’re going.

—————————— Time Skip —————————

I find myself mindlessly tapping my fingers to Kid Cudi, while looking out the window I feel a pair of eyes on me. I turn and see that he’s watching me with a big grin on his face.

“What?” I ask before he shifts his eyes back to the road momentarily.

“Nothing, I’m just lucky to be hanging out with you today. I honestly thought you were going to be sick of me by now.” He confesses, and he looks sad as if he could ever burden me.

“Spencer’s I know it’s only 11:30 and the day just begun, but I don’t think I’ve relaxed and had this much fun in a long time. Don’t think that I’m ever going to get sick of you. I promise that I’m having a really fun time.” I feel like I almost convinced him, but there’s this small little part of his brain that wouldn’t believe me regardless of what I said.

“You say that now, but I’m pretty sure after this you’re gonna hate me.” he says while gesturing to what’s in front of us. As he puts the car in park I look straight forward and see that we’re at a skate park.

“Uh, I don’t know how to skate... like at all.” I say hoping he doesn’t expect much coordination or skill out of me.

“I figured that much. I thought I could teach you, still wanna give it a shot?”

“Why not that’s the whole point of today right?”

“That’s the spirit!” He says before jumping out of his car and quickly grabs a skateboard out of the trunk. He looks like a kid in a candy store while we walk to a section that’s not occupied.

I’m glad I wore vans and jeans because I have a feeling in any other outfit I would have a very unfortunate wardrobe malfunction. He shows me two or three times how to properly kick off without falling. Then he asked me to give it a try or to at least try and find my balance on the board first. As I step on he holds my waist, so I don’t go anywhere, but that doesn’t stop me from wobbling a couple of times in the process.

“Make sure you put your back foot towards the front of the board when kicking off, if not the board will fly out from underneath you. Don’t worry about falling though I got you I promise.” He says while slowly loosening his grip on my waist. I start to learn to push off and eventually with Spencer‘s help I can go a couple of feet before I chicken out.

“Don’t worry about it. You’re not going to get it all at once, a lot of people can’t learn how to skate in a matter of hours.” He tries to cheer me up and coax me out of my embarrassment because I’m not fully understanding it.

” Yeah, I think I want to try it all by myself once maybe I’m having trouble because I’m using you as a crutch.” This is where I made my mistake because I got a little too cocky, and instead of getting it like I thought I would I fell. When I fell, I fell hard and I scraped both of my knees. Of course, this would be the day that I wear jeans with rips in the knees. As soon as I hit the ground he booked it towards me, and when he reached me, he crouched down in front of me with his hands on my shoulders searching my face to see if I’m okay.

“Are you okay? You didn’t break any bones, did you? Do you need to go to urgent care?” He asks a couple of ridiculous questions with panic very present in his voice. I’m obviously not hurt that bad, but that doesn’t stop him from freaking out momentarily.

“I’m okay Spence I promise. I only fell off of a skateboard I didn’t get shot.” I say before chuckling, trying to lighten the mood.

“I’m glad you’re okay, but you scraped your knee bad. We’re going to have to get that cleaned up, you don’t wanna know how many germs are in that cut now, let alone the various infections that you could get if you leave it alone.” He says before standing up in extending his arm out to me. He collects his board, and we make our way back to his car. We go to a drugstore around the corner, and he runs in to get Band-Aids, alcohol wipes, and Neosporin. Again I insist on paying because this is my fault, but he brushes me off and leaves me in the car. He comes back and asks me to sit on the side of the seat, while he kneels in front of me in the parking lot. He cleans my knees off while reeling off facts either about the products he’s using or about all the germs in my wound. He finishes his nervous ramble by putting a Band-Aid on my knee before placing a gentle kiss on that knee. I blush at the small bit of contact, while he collects all of the products off the ground and puts them back in the plastic bag.

“Change of plans were going to take a small detour. I got a good idea while I was in the store.” He says climbing back into the driver’s seat and starting the car.

“Let me guess I don’t get to know ahead of time just like before,” I asked hoping that he would at least give me a little hint.

“That’s correct.”

It’s 2:10 by the time we arrive at the mall. I have no clue what would make him think of going to a mall and what we're even here for. Either way, it doesn’t stop me from blindly following him right into the mall. For someone who’s a bit of a germaphobe Spencer hasn’t seemed to mind holding my hand everywhere we’ve been today. The first two times I thought he was grabbing my hand, so he could just pull me to whatever activity I had in store for me. This time is different though because as we enter the mall our fingers intertwine together as if it was second nature. He still led me but this time we’re walking side by side. He stopped me very abruptly right in front of a store that I haven’t even seen since I was eight years old.

“Spencer, mind telling me why we’re at a Build-a-Bear?” I ask while we enter the brightly colored store.

“While I was in the drugstore I saw teddy bears and it made me think of this place. Also, we need to kill a little bit of time before we make our last stop of the night.”

Turns out we’re not the only adults who had the same idea as Spencer. Two other couples looked lovingly at each other while making a bear. This seems like a date night activity and not whatever the hell Spencer and I are doing. We end up picking a light brown teddy bear and just about every employee that we came in contact with told us we were a cute couple, but Spencer nor I corrected them. It didn’t seem to bother him so it didn’t bother me either. When it came time to pick out clothes for the bear he insisted that he had “impeccable style”, and he knows what he’s doing.

”Spencer’s you’re wearing a baggy sweater, jeans, converse, and mix-matched socks. I don’t think that your style is peak fashion.”

“Hush you’re ruining my vision.” He jokingly said while staring at the clothing with his thumb and forefinger gripping his chin. We both crack jokes and make fun of each other‘s sense of style before we inevitably end up basically picking the same thing that Spencer is wearing. We dressed the bear in a red sweater, black jeans, converse, and only because Spencer insisted on mix-matched socks. Yes, we did pay for two pairs of socks, so we could mix-match his socks. Spencer finally let me split the cost on something when it came time to pay. After we made our way out of the store with our fingers once again intertwined and our son that Spencer jokingly called the bear in the store. Our poor son doesn’t even have a definite name because he insisted on naming the bear Spencer Jr. or Sativa, but I told him there’s no way I would ever let him name the poor bear Sativa and Spencer Jr. is on the fence. As we’re about to walk out of the mall Spencer gets a call and then three texts in a row. He tells me he’s just gonna wait to open his phone once we're in the car. Once we get in the car, and he checks his phone his face drops.

“Is everything alright?” I ask because of his shift in demeanor.

“Yeah, everything is good I just need to take this call quickly.” He says before stepping out of the car and closing the door.

Spencer’s POV

When I get three texts and a call from my mom‘s doctor saying that there’s a problem my heart automatically sinks. I mean she’s all I have left and my mom is the one person who’s ever been in my life consistently with unconditional love. I call my mom‘s doctor as I step away from the car a couple of feet. I ask what’s the issue and it turns out it’s her treatment, her doctor tells me that because of her recent change in medication as well as the increase in dosage I’m going to have to start paying more for her assisted living. The situation is a lot better than what I was thinking. It’s a minor problem that I can easily solve. After I talk to my mom for a couple of minutes and make sure that she’s doing okay before making my way back to the car. As if my prayers have been answered I had an old friend text me and asked if he could buy two grams of weed off of me. I hurry up and tell him I can meet him right after he gets off work. This way I can kill two birds with one stone because he works at a gas station not too far away. While I am there I can pick up snacks that I’m going to need before we go to our final destination tonight.

Readers POV

Spencer never addressed the phone call when he got back in the car, but instead just turned on music and placed his hand on my thigh. The mood totally changed from calm and relaxed to now very awkward with tension. We only talked for a couple of minutes before it went back into an uncomfortable silence. Something seemed off about Spencer as he told me that we need to go to a gas station before wherever we’re going next. It’s not because I think stopping at a gas station is odd, but it’s because he insisted on this certain one, but he wouldn’t tell me why. He also was digging through a bag in his backseat for a bit before shoving something in his pocket and walking into the store, and as much as I wanted to snoop I didn’t because I respect his privacy. I trust him a lot, probably more than you should trust someone who you haven’t even known for a week, but my mind keeps wondering as I’m sitting in the car alone once more. That’s another thing that I thought was odd because he asked me what I wanted and insisted it was pointless for me to go in as well. He’s also taking a really long time I’m trying to brush it off, but there’s some part of my brain that can’t help it profile his body language and everything he is saying. I try to never profile people because it seems unfair, but having a dad as a profiler that would always profile me every time I saw him made reading people's body language second nature to me.

I’m glad when Spencer returns he seems a lot more happy and relaxed. When he gets back in the car he has a huge smile on his face as he puts the snacks in the backseat. I ignore the change in mood for the second time because it’s probably something he didn’t want me knowing about right now. In the little bit I’ve known Spencer he’s been pretty much an open book, so for him to not share something it must’ve been very personal.

“So we have one more thing planned for today and it’s very special to me. Are you ready?” He asks sounding genuinely happy and finally his normal self.

“Ready as I’ll ever be.”

————————— Time skip ————————-

Before we get to this secret special location it’s already dark out. Tonight the stars are shining so bright and the sky was so clear. Since I am not even paying tension I don’t realize that we’ve arrived until I hear Spencer turn off the car. He quickly hops out of the car without any explanation whatsoever. I try and take in my surroundings and realize that we must be at some park. I see a few benches, signs leading to different walking trails, and a cute little playground.

“Stay there.” He says while opening the trunk of his car. So, I comply even though I have a feeling this is how dumbasses like me get murdered. He tells me not to look at what he’s doing, so instead, I go on my phone for a bit. He announces that he’s done and I need to come look, so I hop out of his car and see that he’s cleared out his trunk, and collapsed his backseats. He also has a lot of snacks set up with soft pillows and fuzzy blankets. He smiles proudly at me, and all I can do is chuckle because I think this is the absolute sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me. I tell him thank you while giving him a tight hug.

“You’re welcome.” He says, well rubbing my back with one hand and cradling my head with the other. Before we break from the hug he plans a gentle kiss on the top of my head. After we both crawl in the back and slip under the blankets.

“Do you mind me asking why this place is so special?”

“Well… it’s because I lost my virginity here...” He tried to keep a stoic face before busting out laughing.

“I’m just kidding obviously!” He says before laughing once more. After our laughter died down a bit his face becomes actually serious. He draws in a deep breath to prepare himself for what he’s gonna tell me.

“In all honesty, this place has given me a lot of solace since I’ve moved here. Back home in Vegas I never really fit in much, so I learned to create my own safe space. When I moved out here this park became my new safe space. It’s also really special because I’ve never taken anyone here before. Mostly because that way I could just slip away from everything and no one would know where I’m at, but I also never found an occasion special enough to share something personal like this.” He admits while adverting his attention away from me and more onto his fingers. He fidgets with them as if he were nervous to open up like this, as much as I want to know everything tonight is not the night to push the envelope.

“I’m glad you feel that you could trust me with this. Spencer in all honesty who you seemed to be when I first met you is a complete 180 from who I know now. I love the side of you and I want to see more of it.” I say while taking his hands in mine commanding his attention. When I finish he looks up at me with those sweet puppy dog eyes. He moves his hands from mine and rests one of his palms against the side of my face. He stroked my cheek with his thumb before we start to lean in. He puts his other hand on the side of my face and snakes his fingers into my hair as my eyes flutter shut. I hate saying something cheesy like there were sparks, but that’s the only way I can describe the fire that was lit inside of both of us. He pressed his soft lips to mine and we moved in perfect synchronization as if we’ve done this a million times before. He swipes his tongue across my bottom lip asking for access. I wrap my arms around his waist in attempts to pull him and impossibly closer. As things start to heat up Spencer slows the pace and eventually pulls away entirely. After he presses his forehead to mine as we both pant. He grabs the side of my face with one of his hands once more before moving to grip my chin and presses a kiss to my forehead.

“I care about you so much. I get it’s stupid to say because this is all of a sudden, but you’ve brought so much joy into my life and I don’t want you to leave.” He confesses with his hand planted on the side of my face and his other resting on my waist.

“Trust me I don’t plan on going anywhere anytime soon.” I promise him.

“Plus splitting up would not be good for our son.” I joked trying to lighten the mood from the serious turn it took.

“Yeah, I don’t need to add child support payments to the list of bills I already pay.” He says before laughing and removing his hand from my face. We talk a bit more and get comfortable under the blankets before he grabs his laptop out of his bag and hands me the snacks I asked for. As we’re falling asleep he says just one word to me.

“Atlas.”

“Huh?” I ask him, trying to keep my eyes open long enough to finish this conversation.

“I just thought it was a cute name, for the bear I mean. In Greek mythology, Atlas was a titan that was called upon by Zeus to carry the heavens on his shoulders. It means the one who bears a heavy burden. I feel overcoming a huge burden or even carrying a burden that you don’t need to makes you strong and courageous.” I can tell that this story meant something to him. Something that I didn’t know about yet.

“It’s perfect.” I say before shutting my eyes as he grips me tighter.

By the time that the credits were rolling, we were both sound asleep in the back of his car. Our arms wrapped around each other and my head on his chest. I fell asleep to the sounds of a small breeze whistling through the trees and the soft thumping of Spencer’s heart.

.

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Taglist: @rexorangecouny​ @haylaansmi​

[lycorogue]

Some Passing Thoughts on the New Miraculous Episodes

Finally got around to watching the fansubs of the Shanghai special and “Truth” (I’m still waiting for the other episodes to come out before watching Furious Fu).

Miraculous World: Shanghai – The Legend of Ladydragon

I have to say, I might change my mind later if the Prodigious proves to be more crucial to the overall lore of the series, but right now? Yeah. This special is a major skip for me. 

I did not connect with Fei the way I fell in love with Jess and Aeon. I am so pissed at the set-up the writers came up with to GET Marinette to Shanghai; her reasoning is the most selfish thing we have ever seen her do and it is such an injustice to her character. Plus, it is like neither Ladybug nor Chat Noir learned anything from the New York trip as they both show up in Shanghai kind of spur of the moment (i.e. didn’t tell the other they were leaving Paris). In fact, Marinette - again, going back to my hatred for the setup to get her to China - didn’t even CONSIDER the fact that Paris would be left unprotected; that Ladybug would be MIA. Granted, it was stated that Hawk Moth was surprisingly inactive, but shouldn’t that put her on hyper-alert; waiting for the other shoe to drop and Hawky to release something big that he was building up to? Instead she just lowers her guard and doesn’t even consider her superhero duties when planning on following Adrien. 

Another annoying thing is that the writers didn’t seem to learn anything from backlash against the episode “Kung Fu.” They just once again have Adrien be the one offering to teach Marinette Mandarin; not her mother (whose Chinese name Marinette never even knew), nor her great-uncle. Another writers flub was in the battle against Roi Argent. Ladybug questions Mei Shi’s suggestion that revenge does not equal justice (if that was translated properly), and... I’m pretty sure Marinette already showcased in previous episodes such as “Silencer” that she very much knows that revenge doesn’t equal justice??? She’s the one who corrected Chat Noir that Silencer coercing Bob Roth to admit he stole from Kitty Section and Marinette isn’t justice; it’s revenge. So???? HUH? NOW she magically feels like Fei’s revenge on Cash is justice for what he did to her? 

If all of that wasn’t bad enough, the pacing of this special was in complete overdrive as well. You didn’t have any of those emotional moments - both heart breaking and fluff-bombs - that you had in the NY special. The focus was largely on Fei, and I didn’t even really like her. She didn’t have the heart and the fully-fleshed characterization that Jess or Aeon had.

I’m also confused about Gabriel spending the past 15 years planning this whole thing. HOW!? WHY!? This is before Adrien was even born, or VEEERY shortly after if we skipped over his 15th birthday in the series. This was LOOOOOOONG before Emilie’s illness, which is presumably why Gabriel started using the butterfly miraculous in the first place (as showcased by Gabe in Origins asking Nooroo to remind him how the powers even work before using them for the first time in a corrupted state on Adrien’s first day of public school). So, if getting the Great Power of the Prodigious was something he was planning on doing literally all of Adrien’s life, why present it as “I found something that can finally give me an edge against Ladybug and Chat Noir”? I mean, what was his original endgame going to be? He couldn’t have possibly known that he’d be in dire need for the cat and ladybug jewels but struggled to take them from two teenage superheroes. It’s like the writers are trying to set him up as some mastermind akin to David Xanatos from Disney’s Gargoyles, but they are failing miserably. The whole Hawk Moth plot just doesn’t make sense to me.

Honestly? The only things that made this special worth it for me were: 1) Finding out a bit more about Sabine and her family (I love that she probably picked the name Sabine because it sounded like the pronunciation of her Chinese name) 2) Seeing Gorilla be his action figure nerd self a bit more (and the action figures of Uncanny Valley and Eagle) 3) Mei Shi in Renling (?) form, who was hella adorable! I need him as a plushie STAT 4) Adrien being the precious bean that he is. Just every moment he’s on screen was adorable (complete with him STILL having the picture of Marinette that was sent to him in “Evillustrator” saved to his baton and using that to try to find her) 5) Seeing the world through the eyes of a kwami for the first time and learning a touch more non-crucial lore 6) Mei Shi in statue form reminding me of the Dragon costume on The Masked Singer.

(I know, seeing them side-by-side now, they really aren’t that similar after all, but it’s been about a year since Dragon was on The Masked Singer, and he’s still what I kept thinking of as I watched Mei Shi on screen)

While I obsessively watched the New York special at least a dozen times, I’m really only seeing myself re-watch this special once more when it’s in English, and maybe whenever I do a full-series binge (which is super rare that I take the time for that).

Not impressed. Sorry.

Truth

“Truth”, on the other hand? Hhhhhnnnnnngggg. My heart! It breaks! Poor Marinette. Poor poor Luka. I mean, silver linings at the end there, but also BIG OOF. (Also, why wasn’t Adrien around at all whenever Truth made people confess that Marinette’s secret was her love for Adrien? xDDD)

I’m also a bit confused about the Adrien pictures. She had them taken down pretty much since “Troublemaker”, and yet her walls are once more papered with Adrien’s likeness now that Marinette is trying to get over him and date Luka? How does THAT make any sense outside of the writers going “we need an awkward phone call between Marinette and Luka. Oh! I know! A picture of her Adrien-covered bedroom walls is accidentally sent to Luka!” >3> Also.... what is UP with Luka’s animation again!? The kid was so pale it’s like they forgot to add any color to his model in this episode. WHY CAN’T THEY JUST ANIMATE MY PRECIOUS SON LOOKING HANDSOME EVER!? FIRST NO EYELASHES, AND NOW NO SKIN TONE!? WHYYYYYYYYY!? Personally, I prefer “Silencer” to “Truth” both in overall story and in Luka’s akumatized form design. Also, side note, did anyone else notice that Ladybug was hit by Luka’s attack and couldn’t speak for most of the battle both times? And that she needed Chat Noir to help her set up her Lucky Charm both times? And that Luka’s drive both times was to get to the truth?

I did still enjoy this episode very much. It showcases the new stresses Marinette has to face (totally unfair; I agree. However, it’s a standard trope in most teenage superhero stories such as Teen Titans and Spider-Man, so I was expecting it). It showcases how hard it is for her to figure out a balance between life and superheroing (again, re: standard teen-superhero trope). The fans get confirmation on a fantheory that’s been circling pretty much since Luka was introduced (ESPECIALLY after the episode “Desperada”). The Ladynoir shippers are well fed, and it’s great to see LB and CN praise each other - including Ladybug’s love of Chat Noir’s humor. 

I hope this isn’t the end of us seeing Luka in the show (that would break my heart even more) and it feels lame to build up the Lukanette “love rival” arc only for it to die off before it really goes anywhere. There was so much story potential there where Marinette could grow to learn what it truly means to be in love, and not just idolize and romanticize someone you’re infatuated with. Instead, all she learned is that she is alone aside from Chat Noir, and I feel like that’s SUUUUPER railroading the Ladynoir ship. And, frankly, I’d much prefer to see the Ladynoir side grow naturally, as it has been, instead of forcing Marinette’s hand because Chat Noir is the only one she can be MOSTLY honest with (secret identities notwithstanding).

It’s been a long hiatus. I’ve spent a lot of time trying to dodge fandom salt, but still get a larger dose than I intended to have in my fandom diet, so maybe my views are a bit tainted from that. However, this special and season premiere feel a bit like the writers are stumbling. I don’t know if the pandemic somehow affected their writing flow, or if they feel pressured by the fans to tell the series’ story a certain way and are scrambling to do so, or if they are rushing to an ending instead of taking their time and letting it naturally unfold as they had with the first few seasons. But, regardless of their reason, I hope they re-find themselves; the ones who told great stories in seasons 1 and 2 and (poor writing for Marinette notwithstanding) really good stories in season 3. I hope they can step up their game for the remainder of season 4. 

It’s been a long break, and we all deserve something good to feed us. We don’t need another GoT or HIMYM final season. Especially when this isn’t even supposed to BE the final season of the series.

Guess it’s time to wait for “Lies” to come out, and hope for the best.

[cafedanslanuit]

Sweet Creature || Jumin x MC  -Oneshot

sweet creature, wherever I go, you bring me home

genre; fluff. so much fluff.

summary; Jumin gets stuck in another country away from his wife. He’s been having trouble falling asleep, so MC decides to tell him a bedtime story. A simple request ends up making Jumin open up about a small insecurity he had over is wife and his best friend.

notes; I said Jumin is in Peru because the law is very strict here: flights are not allowed and we’re under mandatory quarantine. Also because the time difference was a nice touch for this lol. Oh! This idea came up while listening to this song, hence the title~

-----------------

“Isn't it dangerous to travel these days? :(“

Jumin read that text over and over, as if, somehow, he could go back to the moment where he read it for the first time. He should have postponed his business travel, but due to his father giving him more responsibilities at C&R and himself thinking nothing wrong could happen, he was now trapped in Peru, kilometers away from his wife.

He turned around on his hotel bed, dreading the soft aroma of whatever detergent they used for the sheets. It wasn't unpleasant itself, but it wasn't the smell of your shampoo that always lingered on the pillowcases. 

It had been more than fifty days already. All he wanted was to return home, but flights were prohibited and he had no way to return home to you. Jumin checked his dual clock on his phone and decided it was okay to call you. It should be 5pm in Korea. It went unanswered, making him furrow his eyebrows. Surely nothing bad had happened, since you were under lockdown as well. 

He was letting his mind go to dangerous places when he received a call from you. He picked up, your face appearing on the screen with a smile.

"Sorry! I was at the bathroom. I thought you were already asleep, isn't it... like, 3 am there?" you asked, putting a strand of your hair behind your ear.

"Couldn't sleep" Jumin replied. He put his phone against a pillow, just where you would be lying if you were actually by his side. Picking the cue, you did the same, laying on the bed and looking at your husband through the screen.

"What's on your mind?" you asked.

"How long am I supposed to wait to be able to embrace my wife" he sighed.

"Probably a while more. When you come here, I think you'll have to go under quarantine yourself. Just in case" you answered, with a small pout. "I know it’s been already fifty-six days apart, and that those other forty when you get back aren't ideal for our first year as a married couple, but... we'll survive".

"You sound so collected. I thought I was supposed to be the businessman and you were the dedicated piano teacher" he teased. His smile grew as he watched you laugh.

"I may have learnt a thing or two from you. But honestly..." you let out a big sigh "I miss you too. Whenever anyone from the RFA checks on me I'm always sulking about how I can't see my husband".

Jumin's smile faded a little, watching you lose focus a little, your eyes lost somewhere in your bedroom.

"I'm sorry. I should have listened to you, I-- I thought it would be safe. Sorry for not being there for you".

"But you are" you assured him, your eyes on him again. "You are here for me. I'm in one of the safest buildings in town, there's plenty of food and I don't need to go outside for anything since you set up a delivery for me and Elizabeth be 3rd. You are still protecting me from so far away".

"We're missing so many celebrations. I was planning to take you out each month on our anniversary date for our first year as a married couple".

"I know, but you'll definitely be here for our anniversary! And we'll get to celebrate together, have a nice and romantic dinner at home and then fall asleep next to each other". 

Jumin smiled at your promise of a future where he wouldn't sleep on a empty bed anymore. He had got used to sleeping next to you so quickly, he didn't understand how was he able to sleep alone for so long.

"I am worried about something, though" you admitted. Jumin immediately scrunched his face, concerned.

"What is it?"

"I'm worried it's 3 am there and you can't seem to fall asleep" you said, concerned.

"I miss you"

"I miss you too. How about I tell you a story?"

"A story?"

"You know, a bedtime story. Maybe it can help?" you offered, shifting on the bed.

"I've never listened to a bedtime story. Wouldn't it be rude to fall asleep while you're talking?"

"No" you chuckled "That's the point. Let me try, okay? I'm going to tell you the story about... Mia. Mia was a girl who loved playing the piano. She loved it so much, sometimes she would cancel plans with her friends to stay home and play. She studied at a Music School to be a teacher and got pretty good grades".

"The piano?" Jumin asked, with a small smile. He then closed his eyes.

"Yes, this new and exciting character loved the piano. Anyway, one day she decided to download an app she didn't know, thinking it was a game she could play while on the bus. There she met these incredible people who ended up being a big part in her life. Even if things got… complicated surrounding lost brothers and surprisingly, cults, everything worked out in the end. She ended up falling for one of them, you know?”

“I always thought you would fall for Jihyun” Jumin commented, his eyes still closed.

“What?” you shifted on the bed, supporting yourself on your elbow.

“Mia. I always thought she would fall for Jihyun because they're so alike” he opened his eyes and put a hand through his hair. “They are very emotionally intelligent and always want the best for everyone around them. Natural caretakers. And also inclined to an artistic career”

You stayed in silence for a minute, not knowing if your husband was trying to make a joke you couldn’t understand or if he was being serious. You took a deep breath before talking.

“Hmmm, she liked him, yes. Jihyun was kind but she saw him the same way she saw Hyun or any of the others. He was a friend she could trust and a friend who would easily understand her when she was having a problem”.

“But if he could understand what she was feeling with a glance why did she…”

“She felt protected” you interrupted him “and loved by everyone at the RFA. But there was this man, the oldest of them all, who at first seemed cold and detached, but soon revealed his true self. You won't believe this, but he would send tons of photos of his cat to Mia!" Jumin chuckled. "But it was a beautiful cat and he was a beautiful man, so Mia liked it. He was fun, even if it was in an unconventional way. He went through a rough time when his cat got lost, but thankfully Mis was there for him. She got to know him a lot more on those days. For example, she found out he had trouble dealing with his feelings”.

“Not like Jihyun”

You sighed. “You think he was jealous of Jihyun?”

“I think so, yes. At least because of how easy it was for him to show emotion to his old girlfriend. How it was easy for him to express himself”

“Mmmm... Well, Mia didn't think the same. See, some people say music is a language itself. So she learnt from a young age words are not only the only way to express oneself. And there are a lot of ways for that. Some people say they love you, some people bring you presents, others spend quality time with you… there are a lot of ways, seriously. So when this young, cat-loving man asked Mia to stay for longer at his apartment, she understood he meant he wasn't feeling okay and that her presence, somehow, was helping her deal with everything. So she stayed. And... if you insist on Jihyun, I don't think he and Mia would have made a good couple" you say, tapping your chin with your index finger. "I think whenever one of those would have had a discrepancy, the other one would have made a drama out of it. I think they were so alike they wouldn't have let the other one grow. But whenever Mia talked with this guy I’ve been telling you about, she would always learn a thing or two. She would see a problem from another perspective and actually understand it better. Also, let's face it: she was melting whenever those dark eyes landed on her. Boy, did she feel like a teenager whenever he said something kind to her! It was embarrassing honestly” you laughed, hiding your face with your hands.

“Like a teenager?” Jumin asked with a soft smile, raising his eyebrow.

“Yes! One of those days she stayed at his place, he asked her to dine together, so she went to ‘refresh herself’ to the bathroom, okay? Actually, she was having a meltdown, fixing her makeup the best she could and thinking about interesting topics she could talk about with him”.

“Really?”

“I'm not joking. Jumin, she would get up earlier than him, brush her teeth, comb her hair and lay on her bed again so she would look somewhat good when he came to see her in the morning. It was pathetic. That's how smitten she was with him. Thank God I've never acted that way" you scoffed. Both you and Jumin looked at each other and smiled. “Not a long time went by before she ended up marrying him, can you believe it?” you asked, feigning surprise. Jumin chuckled.

“Sounds unreal” he admitted.

“I know, right?” you asked, laughing softly. “But she did, she actually married this guy in a beautiful church surrounded by the people she loved. It was a wonderful day. She couldn’t believe she could love someone that much”.

You stayed silent for a while, just looking at each other's face, remembering just how much in love they had been from the moment they saw each other.

“I'm sorry my story didn't help you sleep” you apologized in a soft voice.

“I do feel more relaxed now. I'm going to try and get some sleep now” Jumin said, stretching his neck.

“Please call if you can't. I'm always here for you, Mr. Han.” you teased him with a grin.

“Thank you, Mrs. Han. Have a nice evening. Please remember how deeply grateful I am that you chose me” he said in a soft voice. You smiled and blew out a kiss for him.

“As I am. Goodnight, my love”

[nerdgirlnarrates]

Hello, I’m wondering if you’d care to share or if you have shared your thoughts on studying effectively for med school. I’m concerned about having to learn copious amounts of information.

I am so sorry it’s taken me so long to answer this. Truthfully, I was thinking a lot about what to say, since I’m not sure I’m the best person to give advice; I am an average-at-best med student. But, I have asked a lot of people who are stellar students what they do, so I’ll share some of the themes I’ve noticed, and if you want I can make another post with a lot of specifics about how I study and why that does or doesn’t work.

1. As you said, one of the biggest adjustments, if not the biggest adjustment, between undergrad and med school is the sheer volume of information. Each exam covers more information than an undergrad exam would, and this means you need more time to review. But you don’t have time to review: you have a billion lectures every day instead. So what’s a student to do?

The solution is to do a maintenance studying every day. This is not the hardcore studying you might do before an exam, just a little something to keep the material fresh. For some people, maintenance studying may be using anki, a free flashcard app on desktop (and $25 for iPhones 😒) that uses a spaced repetition algorithm to show you flashcards only as often as you need. You can check out r/medicalschoolanki for tons of information and tips on how to use anki as well as a lot of premade decks. Try not to get overwhelmed - you don’t have to be doing every single deck. Experiment until you find what works for you. I will caution that you have to be really diligent with anki, because it’s very easy to let flashcards start piling up (for example, I am currently 5000 flaschards behind 🙃). If you aren’t digging anki (and many don’t), you might opt for re-reading your notes at night instead. Or maybe you use an outside resource as your second pass: skim the relevant pages of First Aid, watch a Boards and Beyond video, etc. There are tons of different resources, so talk to people about what they recommend and think about how you like to learn. I’ll make another post on the resources (that I know about) to give you some ideas. 

There are a lot of ways to do maintenance studying, and it may take a while to figure out what works best for you. That’s totally fine! You have time to find your own method that is effective and efficient.

2. Practice questions. This one surprised me, because I never really had to do practice questions in undergrad biology. But in med school, I started missing lots of questions that I had all the information to answer because I wasn’t making the right connections. Practice questions help you synthesize information and reinforce pattern recognition. Plus, it’s easier to remember something once you’ve missed a question about it. 

If your school or lecturers offer any practice problems, try those out. You can also look at outside Qbanks like USMLE Rx. Outside Qbanks are especially helpful if your school uses NBMEs, but I’ve found they’re helpful even if you have in-house exams. 

3. Stay healthy. Stay healthy, stay healthy, stay healthy. I think this gets overlooked a lot in medical school, so I really can’t emphasize it enough. You cannot do as well on exams if you’re sleep-deprived from pulling all-nighters. You cannot focus as well if you’re not eating enough. It’s really hard to care about studying if you’re miserable and lonely. You are a person first and a student second. If you don’t take care of yourself as a person, you can’t take care of yourself as a student. So try to make sure you’re sleeping enough, that you’re eating and drinking water, that you’re exercising, and that you’re socializing and doing things that make you happy. 

It can be really difficult sometimes to take care of yourself when you feel totally overwhelmed with your workload. Maybe you even feel guilty setting school aside to do other things (I definitely do). It’s okay not to be on top of it all the time: you may go a week just eating take-out, or you may go MIA for a few days before an exam. That’s alright. But as much as you can, try to make sure your needs are met before you worry about school. Setting boundaries helps: have a set bedtime and mealtimes, set aside an afternoon or a few hours every day or whatever for hobbies, etc. Not only do these things help with your health, I think they help you as a student too because you actually have the energy and drive to study. 

Sometimes taking care of yourself is treated as a weakness or a sign that you don’t care enough about medical school. That is not true. You are not any less of a medical student for wanting to be happy and alive. 

4. Get help if you need it. Get help if you even think you might need it. And I mean all kinds of help: school, making friends, your mental health, whatever. Asking for help is smart: it shows that you care about yourself and about your studies. I had a pretty rough first year of medical school and ended up leaning on pretty much everyone I knew. Here is an incomplete list of people I asked for help:

my friends from undergrad

a friend who goes to a different medical school (love you for listening to me mope endlessly @betweenironyandsilver ​💛)

my medical school small group

an MS2 who said “let me know if you need anything” one time

three upperclassmen who had been TAs

a therapist

a family friend who’s a doctor

a few other medblrs (shout-out to @coffeeandserotonin and @tachycardic--tendencies who gave me great advice)

a faculty adviser 

my parents

It was a lot of people. Not all of them were helpful, but most of them were. And I am definitely doing better for having reached out.

This was super long, but hopefully it was also helpful. Let me know if you have any more questions, and I’ll try to respond faster next time. Good luck with school!

[khiphop-writings]

Flower Shop

Dean x Reader

Warning: I don’t think I’ve written anything softer

Word Count: 3,519

You delicately placed the sticker on the brown wrapping paper, always making sure it was perfectly straight and that the flowers wouldn’t be hugged too tight. “Here you are” you lifted the bouquet over the counter accidentally brushing fingers with him which made you blush a little “and of here” he pulled a flower out of the bouquet and left it on the counter along with his money. You played with the stem in between your fingers smiling a little, this time it was camellia, your favorite but obviously he didn’t know that. You got up on your tiptoes to look out of the window to make sure he was out of sight and once the coast was clear you pulled out your black book. It was filled with pages of pressed flowers, all from him, for six months he had been coming into your shop every sunday to buy a bouquet and he always picked out one flower to leave you. You added the camellia to the collection, being sure to push down hard on the book then put it away. You didn’t know why he bought flowers from you every sunday but you assumed it was for a girlfriend or maybe he had a new date every sunday and bringing flowers was his trademark. You two didn’t really talk so you didn’t know much about him however, every time he stepped into the store you could feel butterflies in your stomach. It was silly to have a crush on a probably taken man you didn’t know but you couldn’t help it, just from his actions with you in the store you could tell he was very sweet. 

As you closed up the shop your phone rang, it was your best friend Mia, you rolled your eyes assuming she was going to invite you to a party or something, and you were right. “Please I don’t have anyone to go with, everyone’s being lame” she whined, she would never ask you to go out with her unless she really didn’t have anyone so you knew she wasn’t lying “It’s a sunday night mia” you sighed “and we’re adults the weeks are all blurred together for us and you don’t even have to work tomorrow” you couldn’t even use that as an excuse, you closed your shop on monday’s because if you didn’t have to work then monday’s simply wouldn’t exist and you would have a good week was your reasoning behind it. “Okay… just let me get dressed” you gave in “I love you Y/N” you could feel her smile through the phone “I’ll pick you up soon okay?” you just hummed and she hung up. You put on a denim skirt, a t- shirt that you tied the front into a knot and some sneakers. Mia frowned when she saw you “you’re never any fun Y/N” she was in a tight dress that wasn’t covering much and heels “oh hush we’re just going to a house party nothing special” you linked your arm with hers and walked to her car “but it couldn’t kill you to once dress up for a party” “and I will… one day” you laughed getting into her passenger seat “it’s okay cause my Y/N will always look cute no matter what” she pinched your cheek and you swatted your hand away from her “are we married or something” you questioned her “if all else fails…” she gave you a suggestive look and you pushed her face away “just drive” you gestured forward. 

It wasn’t any different from any party you’ve been to with Mia, slightly big house, solo cups littered everywhere, same kind of music blaring throughout every room, however it was different because you noticed a handsome stranger had been staring at you all night. You were in the kitchen pouring yourself a drink when he finally approached you “please let me” he grabbed the cup from your hand purposely making contact with your fingers “oh no I’m not dumb enough to let a strange man handle my drink” you grabbed your cup back before he could do anything “I don’t want to get off on a bad start with you beautiful” he tucked a hair behind you ear and you tried not to visually cringe at his choice of words “It’s a good thing you’re pretty” you chuckled patting his head, he walked forward which caused you to back into the oven “will you give me the chance to show you I can be more than just pretty” he picked up your hand. “Listen” you retracted your hand and placed it on the stove and it took you a minute till you felt the pain “oh FUCK ME” you yelled and he raised his eyebrows “changed your mind” he smirked “no you idiot” you pushed him away shaking your hand not knowing what else would help “who the fuck leaves a stove top on at a party where shit like that can happen” you looked at your red, palm cursing under your breath. You were weaving around everyone successfully until you finally bumped into some guy, you instinctively put your hand in front of you to stop the contact, big mistake, it hurt so bad but you couldn’t say any words you just felt tears form in your eyes “I’m so sorry” you heard the man's voice say before being pulled into a room. You looked up and thankfully it was the bathroom, you held your hand close to you while he frantically searched the bathroom cabinets. He looked so familiar and it wasn’t until he faced you that your eyes widened, it was your flower shop boy, “you’re…” you paused realizing you didn’t know his name “it’s Dean” he smiled “and it’s Y/N right?” “how did you-” if your hand wasn’t burnt you would’ve smacked yourself in the head and he saw your embarrassment “right I wear a name tag” you laughed “I’m sorry for not watching where I was going, your hand is burnt right” you nodded and he looked through the first aid kit. You looked cool on the outside but you were internally freaking out “how the fuck do you just meet him at a party and of course you’re hurt you idiot” “here this will work” he interrupted your thoughts “can I?” he reached for your hand and you nodded giving it to him. His hands were so soft and he lightly spread the ointment on your hand which made it feel a little better, he then grabbed some white gauze and wrapped it around your hand, being as gentle as possible. “There how’s that?” he locked eyes with you and you couldn’t say anything but you just nodded and he laughed even more “how did this even happen” he began packing up the first aid kit you sighed and began explaining your encounter with the man and how your burned hand came to be. At the end of your story he was in a laughing fit and you wanted to hit him “I can’t believe you burned your hand trying to play hard to get” he said in between laughs “okay but who leaves a stove on” you defended yourself “you’re right you’re right” he lifted his hands up in surrender “but you should always watch your surroundings” he scolded which made you laugh. Silence fell over the bathroom and you realized you guys had been in there too long “um I should probably find my friend and I’m sure your girlfriend is waiting for you” you tried to slip that in and he took your bait “no, I don’t have a girlfriend waiting for me” he smiled “come on I’ll help you find your friend” he reached out his hand to you and you look it with your not burnt one. 

“So then why are you buying flowers from me every sunday” you asked him as you two walked down the stairs he thought for a minute before checking the time “would your friend be mad if we went somewhere” you shook your head no “then come on” he led you outside the house to his car “I’ll show you why I always buy the flower” he smiled at you. Your heart raced as he drove down an unfamiliar part of town, obviously he wasn’t going to hurt you but it was still scary being somewhere you’ve never been with practically a stranger. You shook your head and tried to focus on something else, you admired Dean's side profile for a bit, imaging what it would be like to trace his face with your fingers and he looked over to you “what?” he laughed “nothing” you covered your face in embarrassment “come on tell me what is it?” he urged you and your cheeks went red “you’re just really beautiful” you blurted out and he looked at you with a shocked face “are you trying to flirt with me??” he laughed “and what if I was?” you teased, suddenly feeling confident “I wouldn’t mind it” he shrugged which brought your confidence down and you felt shy again. Talking with him felt like you had known him for years, conversation flowed so naturally, it was so weird to be talking to someone so comfortably when you’d barely say two words any time before now. After some time you arrived at a place very unfamiliar and you squinted trying to figure out where you were, your phone ringing interrupted you, it was Mia, you cursed. You knew she’d be mad but you would just have to explain to her later… maybe she’d actually condemn you for your actions. “Come this way” he outstretched his hand to you and you took it, you didn’t realize where you were until he brought you up a hill and you were faced with a tombstone “is this…” you didn’t want to guess wrong “my mother’s” he helped you out and you nodded, you looked to the side and saw the bouquet you wrapped for him earlier placed neatly “once I finally shook myself out of sadness and was able to get up the first thing I wanted to do was bring her flowers, and that’s when I found your shop” you just nodded not wanting to interrupt him “you reminded me a bit of her when I first saw you, I could tell that you would do anything for those you love, that’s also why I always leave you a flower too” he paused “that and you’re cute” his laugh broke the sad atmosphere “seeing you every sunday makes my week” he rubbed the back of his neck. You felt so touched that he was sharing this with you, that he trusted you enough from the start to share this with you “thank you for sharing this with me” he placed a hand on his back softly, he turned and pulled you into a hug “I’ve wanted to talk to you for so long” he breathed “then why didn’t you” you pulled away so you could see his face still keeping your bodies close “I don’t know… I didn’t know what you thought of me… but now I know you think I’m beautiful” he teased and you could feel your cheeks get hot again, you finally gave in to your urges and brushed the strands of hair covering his forehead, you then trailed your fingers down his cheek and he stopped your hand, cupping his cheek with it. The moment was then interrupted by your loud ass ringtone and you cursed “I’m sorry” you pulled away from him and answered the phone and were unsurprisingly met with screaming “Y/N WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN DO YOU KNOW HOW WORRIED I AM YOU’RE JUST A BABY AND YOU DON’T COME TO THESE THINGS WHAT IF YOU WERE KIDNAPPED” you waited till she was done with he rant to speak “I’m perfectly fine and I will explain later” you glanced at Dean who had an amused look on his face “come on let’s get you back” you gesture in the direction of his car. 

When you returned to the house Mia was standing up front like a worried mother, you got out of the car and she ran up to you “ugh my Y/N” she wrapped her arms around you practically squeezing the life out of you and placing a kiss atop your head. She opened her eyes and saw Dean watching the encounter, she narrowed her eyes at him and moved you to the side “what were you doing with my Y/N” she was about to into a full interrogation “we were fucking in my back seat” he chuckled and she turned to you gaping at you, you reached your hand out and closed her mouth still laughing at Dean’s statement “none of that happened don’t worry” you patted her head “come on let’s go” you linked your arm with hers and started for her car “bye dean~” you gave him a flirty wave which only caused Mia to smack your hand making him laugh more. 

Later at your house you were wiping off Mia’s makeup explaining to her everything “no way he's flower shop boy??” her eyes were wide “He’s so hot you made him seem like a dork” you were offended “I in no way made him seem like that” “yes you did, you made him seem like he reads the bible and studies in the library for fun, always talking about how he was shy and never said a word to you” “men can be shy and hot” you defended “I guess you’re right” she laid down in your bed, cuddling herself under the duvet “so when’s your date, have you texted him” you mentally smacked yourself in the head and you swore her eyes were about to pop out of her head “you didn’t get his number??? Have I taught you nothing” she gave you a dirty look “It’s okay I mean… I’ll just have to wait till sunday” you laid next to her looking up at your ceiling “sunday” you whispered.

The whole week you were anxious, every time the shop bell rang you looked hopefully at the door, hopeful thinking maybe he would come earlier just to get your phone number or ask you out. By Thursday you became discouraged thinking maybe he didn’t really like you. When Sunday rolled around you anxiously darted your eyes up from the counter to the door waiting for him. Then he entered, just as you were about to go for lunch, his smile warmed the whole place, you went through your usual routine of him picking out the kinds of flowers he wanted today he decided on a mix of dahlia’s, lilac’s, and peonies, he was always really good at it and you swore he could take your job if he wanted, but this time as he pointed to stuff he would make effort to come in contact with your hands or slightly bump into your body, the playful interactions made you blush. He paid for the flowers but this time he didn’t leave you one, he left the shop and you got ready to go heat up your lunch he barged back in with roses in a plastic bag, clearly from the grocery store. You laughed “and what’s this?” you looked over at the bouquet in his hands “I always bring flowers for my date” he placed them on your counter “your date?” you frowned “so I’m not the only one” you said playfully you played with the plastic covering pretending to be in thought “I mean they’re not my favorite...but I guess I’ll take you up on this date of yours” you emphasized the “guess” “wow you really know how to make me anxious” he covered his face in embarrassment “come with me” he opened his arm for you to interlock yours with his as you left the shop he stopped you “so what is your favorite flower then” you smiled and rolled up your sleeve showing off the small camellia tattoo you had under your elbow he brushed his thumb over it, admiring it, which sent chills down your spine. 

He parked the car and you looked up, it was a park but no one was there, there was a shady tree, a bench that overlooked the lake, you loved it. “Here” he pulled out a picnic basket and handed it to you “and I also have” he pulled out a loaf of bread, shook it and smiled “for the ducks” he closed the trunk, intertwining his fingers with yours and leading you down to the bench. He pulled some grapes, cheese, and wine out of the basket and carefully poured some for you, you rubbed your sweaty palms before grabbing the flute from him, the sweat was gone however your nerves weren’t you stared at the wine sloshing back and forth because of your hands shaking. Dean was looking too, you looked up at him and gave him a sheepish smile “I’m nervous too” he whispered. You tried to finish your glass as quickly as you can, needing some liquid courage to help you out, “so why a flower shop?” he asked you paused, you didn’t really know why you owned one, it had brought you comfortable money for sometime, you thought a little more then smiled, thinking of your father. “My dad” you lightly sighed “when he would pick me up from school, or if we spent a late day together he would take me with him to pick out some flowers with my mom, he talked to me about common flower pairings and what ugly bouquets were” you laughed “even in front of the people who made them sometimes, once he started earning more money he took me to the really nice shops and the shop owners would let me put stuff together and comment about how I had an eye for the profession. That’s when I saw the place I’m currently at, the perfect amount of windows and just the right size, so I opened up my own” you looked over to him and he was staring at you with a faint smile on his face “you really do have a knack for it” he spoke “so do you” you leaned into him playfully “you could run me out of business if you opened up next door” you leaned back, this made him laugh “I’ve learned from watching you”. You spent the afternoon feeding each other grapes and talking about little things, you learned he wrote songs for big groups and that he even sang himself, beautifully for that matter. The ducks waddled their way up to your bench interrupting your time, you pulled out the bread that dean had bought and started tossing some to them, they all swarmed around you except one who didn’t want to be in the conflict “I’m gonna name that one Y/N cause it’s so shy” he grabbed some bread from you and your cheeks were red at the comment. 

As the sun was setting he parked by your shop and walked you to the door “so… can I have your number or do I have to burn my hand at a party to see you again” you joked his eyes trailed down to your hand that you had burned a week ago, he lifted it up and examined it, you felt slightly embarrassed, it was doing it’s natural healing process, peeling and looking gross “I don’t think this hand can take anymore so I’ll give you my number” he pulled out his phone handing it to you. You exchanged numbers and you just stood there staring at each other for a little bit, you didn’t notice the sun had gone down until the street light casted a shadow on his face. You bit your lip “well I better-” you were interrupted with a kiss, you’ve been wanting him to do this all day, he pressed his soft lips against yours, they comfortably fit together, he caressed your hair and eventually you needed air “thank you” you opened your shop, going through the door and locking him out. You hit your head against the door “Thank you?? What the fuck” you said out loud, you turned around realizing you had a glass door and he was standing in front of you, a huge grin plastered across his face, you closed your blinds and walked over to the counter hiding behind it until he was gone. 

Later that night you got a text from Dean, “Thank you” it read. You pushed your face against your pillow in embarrassment and you swore you could hear his laugh echo through your room. A few moments later you received another text from him “you’re welcome” this made you smile at your screen until it eventually went black. You tapped on it to reply “you are also welcome~”

A/N: Hope you like this, I was in a pretty cheesy mood tonight. 

[hotel-japanifornia]

What’s your feelings on godot i do feel sorry for him and i don’t hate him but he was a huge prick to Phoenix

Godot is a rather complex character. I like him as a character in general, however the fandom does seem to misunderstand who he is and what his motives are, even his fans.

When we first meet Godot chronologically, we meet him as the defense lawyer, Diego Armando. Diego is honestly pretty charming, he’s smooth, he’s confident, he’s cool, and I like the way he plays off of Mia. I personally never found the “kitten” nickname sexist nor do I understand why it would even be considered that way. It’s never said once that Diego doesn’t think Mia is lesser for her gender. In fact, in their first conversation during the case, this is said:

Armando:No, no, no… You’ve got it all wrong! Today, YOU’RE the finest! After all, it took an amazing amount of guts to take this case! Imagine… An escaped death row convict for a first client!

If anything, I think the whole kitten thing is probably just his nickname for rookies in general, and not necessarily women. I’ve seen people think it’s his way of flirting with her, and that’s possible too, just not necessarily how I see it. Anyways, at the end of the case, Mia beats herself up because she thinks that she was the reason her client died and Diego gives her this piece of advice:

Armando:Don’t you get it? You can’t cry yet. The only time a lawyer can cry is when it’s all over.

Mia:M-Mr. Armando…

It’s honestly a good piece of advice, and I love how Mia takes inspiration from that quote and uses it towards Phoenix even if it’s said in a different way:

“The toughest of times are when lawyers have to put on their biggest smiles.”

It’s not exactly the same as what Diego said, sure, but it does have the same meaning. In that way at least, you can see the impact he must have left on Mia. Regarding the two’s relationship for a moment, I do think they had just started dating when Diego was poisoned. It does explain why Grossberg calls Diego Mia’s boyfriend, but I digress.

When we meet him in 3-2 and 3-3, it’s obvious he dislikes Phoenix but we don’t know why yet. Honestly, Godot is probably one of my favorite parts of 3-2: he’s mysterious and confident, but he also has some goofy moments like when he refers to himself as a legendary prosecutor because he’s never lost a case but he’s also never won one either. I don’t know that it was intended to be funny but it’s always made me snicker a little. He comes off as being a jerk sure but so did Edgeworth and Franziska, and like them, we learn more about Godot and his motivations later on.

Godot in 3-3 is why I can never agree that T&T has a filler case. For one, in 3-3, you learn about Godot’s inability to see red on white when he fails to notice the ketchup on Maggey’s apron. It’s an extremely subtle moment, but it’s given quite a bit of focus so the player could then assume that that unique feature will be important later on. Godot is still mysterious and a jerk but I love the way that he handles Furio and willingly admits to being the one who summoned him to court. Like Nick said after the fact:

(T… Too cool…) 

Not only that, but he does manage to have a somewhat nice moment with Phoenix at the end of the case after throwing coffee at him:

Godot:Well done… Trite. I saved my 17th cup of coffee just for you. Savor it… While you watch your caged prey. 

While we don’t learn that much more about Godot than we did in 3-2; what we do learn about him plays a very important role in a case later on. 3-3 isn’t directly involved with the Feys at all, but it does have some importance to the overall plot of the game.

We meet Armando in 3-4 which is the first playable case chronologically in the trilogy’s timeline. Right off the bat, we notice he looks similar to Godot, the two even have a similar suit to each other, just different colors and have a similar hairstyle. I’m not entirely sure how many people guessed that Godot and Diego Armando were the same person right away but I think people might have at least thought the two were related at least (I’ve even seen people think that Godot and Diego were identical twins!). As for me, I kinda had a feeling since the two look alike and have the same love for the hot, bitter lady known as coffee.

Godot is extremely important to 3-5. If it wasn’t for him forming a plan to save Maya with Misty and Iris, Maya would be dead. Thing is, I don’t agree that Godot is entirely to blame for not going to the police and bringing the plot to them or just burning the note the whole way through. If the latter had happened, Pearl would have told Morgan she couldn’t find it and Morgan would definitely suspect that something was going on and possibly even relay the plan to Pearl herself. The former happening is unlikely because of reasons that I will go into a bit deeper. Another problem lies in that Misty also shares some of the blame herself but this post isn’t about her so I won’t go deep into it. 

We don’t see Godot until the second investigation period when Dusky Bridge has been rebuilt and Phoenix enters the Inner Temple, desperate to find Maya. It’s there that we learn why Godot hates Phoenix so much. Godot blames Phoenix for the murder of Mia Fey. He states that since Phoenix was there at the time, he should have protected her and by failing to do so, he in a sense, killed her. And because Maya is missing at the time, he goes further and says that Phoenix killed Maya indirectly by failing to protect her when she needed it most.

Personally, I find this conversation to be more Godot venting out his frustrations on Phoenix. Think about it, the guy spent 5 years in a coma because a psycho killer poisoned his coffee. He wakes up and he finds out that his girlfriend was murdered while he was in a coma. He feels mad at himself for not being able to protect Mia and thus sought to protect Maya as a way to make amends. While it seems like a weird conversation and just another example of Godot being a douche during one’s first time going through the case; a replay of the case after finishing it helps shed new light on the conversation the two have. 

We also learn more about Godot’s inability to see red on white during that same encounter in greater detail. He says that his eyes are messed up and that mask is the only way he can see. Although it’s not much, it is something. 

During the first trial portion of the last trial day, Godot starts acting rather strangely. When he learns that there was writing in red on the stone lantern in the Inner Temple Garden, he starts freaking out. Not only that but he actually helps calm Phoenix down when he freaks out over Dahlia’s suggestion that Maya jumped into the Eagle River from the Inner Temple side, and tells him that would be impossible to do.

Eventually, after Dahlia has been exorcised from Maya’s body, the Judge attempts to hand down his verdict. Godot immediately objects and says that they still don’t know who killed Misty, and the only person who can testify about that is Maya Fey. Some people have called this move callous and insensitive to the state that Maya is in, but it really isn’t. Godot could have simply let the Judge hand his verdict down and get away with his crime. But he doesn’t, he requests that they summon the one person that could incriminate him. Also, he does show a fair bit of empathy towards Maya in this exchange of dialogue towards her before her first testimony:

Godot:Straighten up this moment, young lady!

Maya:Huh…?

Godot:Pick your head up and speak clearly. There’s always time for crying later.

Maya:B-But I…

Godot:Your mother was killed right in front of your eyes! There’s nothing you can do to change that fact.

Maya:…!

Godot:But there’s something you can do… You can finish this. You’ve been watching the whole thing right? You’ve seen the witnesses come out and you’ve seen us squeeze the truth out of them. Now it’s your turn. …Let’s hear your testimony. On the night of the crime… what exactly did you see happen!?

It’s pretty obvious during Maya’s testimony that she’s willing to protect the identity of whoever killed her mother, even to the point that she begs Phoenix not to reveal his identity and even suggests that she thought it was a man for other reasons than the three red glowing lights. We also get to hear about this one cute little story about an interaction between him and Pearl in which he actually comforted her and gave her coffee. That’s pretty sweet…and kinda dangerous.

Still, it’s quite obvious upon cross-examining Maya that Godot is the killer, so why is she covering up for the man who killed her mother to the point that she’d be found guilty otherwise? Godot did save Maya’s life in the process of killing Misty who was channeling Dahlia at the time and would have killed her if Godot hadn’t intervened. Maya is plenty aware of this and it is in character for her to do something like that.

We also learn through Godot’s self-reflection that he knows that he could have killed Pearl instead of Misty that night and that Misty’s murder was out of a fit of rage against the ghost of the woman who ruined his life. He also goes on to say that he’s not really sure that him saving Maya’s life was out of a genuine will to protect her, and even tells her that if he genuinely wanted to help Maya, he should have gone to Phoenix instead. Despite this, Maya genuinely believes that he wanted to save her life and so does Phoenix even despite the way Godot had treated him up to that point.

Godot is an extremely gray character and it’s really interesting to study him as a character, who he is and what his intentions were. I don’t think he truthfully wanted to kill anyone that night in the Inner Temple Garden, all he wanted to do was protect Maya the way he wanted to protect Mia. He was never willing to actually kill anybody and even helped Phoenix catch him in the end. Iris and Misty both played a role in this plan too and made their own share of screw-ups so I don’t understand why people shift so much of the blame for it onto Godot?

Honestly though, I think that the whole black-white morality lens that people typically view characters through doesn’t really work with characters like Godot. Godot is not a good guy but he’s not a cookie cutter bad guy like some of the culprits in this series seem to be and that’s what makes him so intriguing to me. He’s not my favorite character, but I can see why someone may say he’s their favorite.

[raccdog]

UNHEALTHY COPING MECHANISMS (PART 3)

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4  | Part 5

(Quick notice: I’m not tagging as many people from now on as I was doing before because it takes so long -previously tagged will keep being tagged don’t worry,- if you want to keep up with the updates please just follow me or the tag #unhealthy coping mechanisms or #UCM. Just know that your support is super appreciated and motivates me a lot! I always try to check all notes so don’t be shy and leave a comment, critique, theory, or simply ask, my asks are open! Thank you again for all the support guys. Now onto the juice)

Fuck Hawkmoth. That was the only thing Chat Noir was able to chant inside his head. It was late in the evening and the sun had already come down, the Parisian lights having lit up hours ago.

Of course there had to be an akuma today, at this hour, just as he’d been in the middle of a date with Kagami. Well, not exactly a date date. Sure he found Kagami attractive -not because of her similarities with Ladybug, he didn’t have a type,- and wanted to spend more time with her. But he couldn’t bring himself to do datey stuff like kissing or embracing each other. He wasn’t ready. He was sure he’d get into it as time went on. That’s how it was for everyone right? They started dating and then developed feelings. At least that’s what he hoped for.

The date was probably ruined by now anyways, having had to ditch Kagami in the cinema’s cafe after the alarm had went off.

A flash of red in the corner of his eyes caught his attention, making his heart do somersault inside his chest. He hated how much power she hold over him. He hated how his emotions did pirouettes because of her. He hated his own traitorous heart the most, for he was trying, really trying hard to move on, but it seemed fruitless every time, a piece of him seemed like it would always belong to her.

He landed on a rooftop, facing the Louvre Museum’s plaza, where the akumatized villain seemed to be causing chaos. Ladybug landed next to him five seconds later.

“Hey Bug-” He bit his tongue. “Hey Ladybug,” he corrected himself. He had to constantly remind himself that pet names weren’t appropriate anymore.

“Hey Chat,” she answered softly. He turned to look at her in concern. Ladybug didn’t use that tone of voice normally. Her mask covered most of her face, but he could still make out the exhaustion in her eyes and pale cheeks.

“You ok Ladybug?” He questioned worriedly. “I’m fine Chat I’ve just been…busy.” She said dismissively. He couldn’t help but frown. He knew his lad- Ladybug like the palm of his hand. She was hiding something and not confiding in him, once again. Ladybug keeping secrets, what a surprise. So shocking. The thought came to him involuntarily, so quickly and full of bitterness he couldn’t stop himself. He needed a break. This week’s events had affected his humor too much. He shook his head, trying to dispel some of the sour mood he found himself in. He knew it was petty of him to think that way. Ladybug wasn’t at fault here, even if he’d like she’d rely more on him.

Another crash and more screams made both heroes focus in the akumatized victim again.

“Ready to kick some akuma butt Ladybug?” He smiled, hoping that his voice sounded more cheery than he felt. A loud boom as he went to stand up made him loose his balance, almost toppling over the side of the roof. He looked at Ladybug once again. She was pulling a weird face.

“I think we’ll need help for this fight.” She admitted.

“But who, Master Fu is MIA and he’s supposed to have the miraculous!”

“Not all of them,” Ladybug started running in the opposite direction. “Distract the akuma Chat, I’ll get help!”

“If it isn’t Dragon-girl!” Chat Noir called when he saw Ryuko landing behind Ladybug. He dodged a shot from the akuma and back-flipped until he was next to the other two superheroines “So what do we do now?” He asked, twirling his baton to repel another shot directed towards them.

“You two try to get closer and keep the akuma distracted,” Ladybug announced. “I’ll call my Lucky Charm from afar and then just follow my lead,” she commanded, zipping away with her yo-yo. Chat turned to see Ryuko, her eyes in complete focus. He had to contain a chuckle. Kagami was always so serious. He did felt bad for ditching her before, he’ll have to apologize. “Looks like it’s just us now Firecracker,” he joked, jumping to the side to evade an attack. Kagami whirled to look at him, surprise and shock written on her face. Shit, he had called her with a nickname. “Don’t call me that ever again,” she growled, narrowly dodging another beam. He couldn’t do it anymore. She was just so much fun to tease. “Sure thing Firecracker,” he smirked, looking at her directly.

“Chat look out!” Then suddenly everything was bright.

“What were you thinking you dumb cat!” Ladybug cried, dropping beside him, akuma purified and the Miraculous Cure performed. “What could possibly be so distracting that you don’t dodge a direct attack to the face?” She screeched, pulling lightly at her pigtails in rage.

He opened his mouth to defend himself but Ryuko spoke before he had the chance to say anything. “Apparently calling me Firecracker,” she growled, brows contorted in rage. Ladybug whipped her head around to look at the dragon hero. “He called you what now?” She asked incredulously. She then turned to glare at him, her eyes seething and grounding him against the concrete tiles on the floor.

“How can you be so irresponsible?” She reproached. “You could have been badly hurt! And for what? Just so you could flirt with someone?” She continued to berate him while pacing. “Also I’m pretty sure Ryuko doesn’t appreciate you calling her pet names just like I told you to stop before!” Chat Noir felt his own eye twitch at her, rage building quickly inside of him.

The heroes the noticed the growing crowd surrounding them. It wouldn’t be long before the press got here.

“Notre Dame in 5 minutes,” she growled to him before facing the other heroine. “Come on Ryuko, follow me,” she directed, whipping out her yo-yo as they both jumped away.

Chat Noir landed briskly on the church’s tower, his previous anger still flaring. When he saw the figure of Ladybug touch down he marched towards her. The look on her face told him he probably should be careful, that he was treading dangerous waters, but at that point he couldn’t care less. The pent up frustrations from the week too much for a hot-headed teenager. He stopped in front of her, so close he could feel her ragged breath on his face as he towered over her. He could tell she was angry too, but he honestly couldn’t bring himself to care. He was angry too.

“What were you thinking,” she started, not moving even as he stood so close. She wasn’t one to back away after all.

“What’s the matter Ladybug,” he sniped. “Jealous?” He saw with satisfaction as her nostrils opened and her eyes narrowed. “You know that’s not what I-”

“I can call her or any girl whatever I want!” He interrupted. “No you can’t if it’s gonna affect your concentration!” She exclaimed. She shoved a red-clad finger in his chest. “Besides, Ryuko already has someone she’s romantically involved with, you shouldn’t even-”

“Does she now,” He cut once again, knowing it drove her up the walls whenever he did so. “Why should I believe you? To me it seems like you are jealous and making things up,” He accused with snide. He was lying through his teeth, he knew. After all, the person Ryuko was involved with was himself. But he couldn’t help it. The satisfaction he found in causing her to react was too great. He knew he’ll probably feel guilty in a few hours after the rage haze had dissipated and he’ll cry himself to sleep but at this point in time he couldn’t think straight.

“I am not! Goddammit Chat I’ve told you time and time again to stop calling me nicknames-”

“Oh I’m stopping alright!” He sneered “I’m not calling you anything other than Ladybug ever again!” He chuckled humorlessly as he hissed right in her face. “You aren’t special anymore, Ladybug.”

He realized he may have acted too cruelly when he saw her flinch, stepping away from him as if he’d electrocuted her. The rapid movement made him catch a whiff of a strange smell coming from her, but he didn’t ponder on it too much as he looked directly at her. Her expression was unreadable and Chat Noir couldn’t decide if that was better or worse. He wanted to apologize but the stubborn pride inside him rebelled at the idea. The sensible part in him knew he had gone too far and wanted to rush to her side, retract what he’d said and hug her.

He didn’t have time to choose on what to do, because she turned around and neared the edge, ready to go, yo-yo in her hand.

“Get some rest, minou,” was the only thing she said, softly, before she zoomed away, leaving him alone on the tower’s roof, her voice weighing as heavily as his heart felt.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4  | Part 5

TAGS UNDER THE CUT

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[setaripendragon]

Trapped in the Amber - 1x01

I promise I’m not dead! I know I haven’t been posting anything lately, but that’s because what I’ve been writing is mostly... well, this. The most ridiculously self-indulgent bullshit I’ve written in a long time, and it’s also the longest thing I’ve ever written, and it’s still not even half way done. I admit, I’m very self-conscious about this, because the nastier side of fandom has infected me with some bullshit prejudices that I haven’t completely managed to exorcise yet, but... I’m tired of being worried it’s not ‘good enough’, and maybe, if people do like it at all, it’ll motivate me to pick it back up. So, here I am, retelling Supernatural right from the start, with a next gen OC tagging along, fixing things here and there. (...Yeah, god, I know how that sounds...) It’s going to start out... sticking pretty close to the Supernatural script, although I tried to limit the amount of times I quoted the show verbatim, it still happens sometimes. The story will diverge from canon more and more as the little changes start piling up and having an effect, but... That’s a long way off, tbh. (For anyone who cares and doesn’t know me well enough to guess, the primary future!ships are Dean/Cas/Gabe and Sam/Mia, but apart from the main character being a Dean/Cas/Gabe baby who loves her parents, there really isn’t that much more focus on romance than there is in the show. For now.)

Blackwater Ridge, Lost Creek, Colorado – Friday 11th November 2005

Landing in the past feels like hitting the emergency stop on a bullet train, like she left her internal organs behind somewhere on the timeline. Meira knows it’s the past because the timeline had felt thick and gooey as she fell. Falling in the other direction would have felt worse, but that doesn’t mean she enjoyed the trip. Add that to the sensation of her grace suddenly retreating to coil up under her skin like a wounded animal, and she thinks it’s no surprise that the first thing she does once there’s solid ground beneath her feet is throw up.

“Oh, son of a bitch.” She groans once her stomach feels like it’s settled mostly back where it’s supposed to be. She braces her shoulder on a tree that’s conveniently nearby, and tries to get her bearings. She’s in a forest, she sees, as she looks around. There are a lot of forests on earth. There are forests elsewhere in the universe too, but she’s… pretty sure this is earth, anyway. And she’s somewhen in the past, although she can’t get any sense of where she actually is on the timeline, and when she tries to reach out with her grace to find out, a sharp, awful pain lances through her soul. She groans and staggers, leaning more of her weight against the tree and forcing her knees to keep her upright out of sheer force of will. She is not trying that again.

The thought that there might be something wrong with her grace is terrifying. She’s stranded, and she can’t get home. She thinks she might be able to manifest her wings, she can still feel them, after all, so they’re not gone, but she wouldn’t be able to fly on them. She can’t fly. She can’t fly.

The panic sits sharp and cloying in the back of her throat, and she swallows hard, as if that might get rid of it. It doesn’t. “Motherfucker.” She swears, and hates that it comes out more reedy than fierce. She has no idea how this happened, either, which doesn’t help. Well, she has some idea, because Heaven, Hell, and everyone in between has been trying to get rid of her for her entire life, and if whatever’s wrong with her grace is why she fell into the past, then she’d say someone finally succeeded. Dad’s going to go ballistic, she thinks, not sure if it makes her want to laugh, or cry.

“Hey, lady.” Someone barks, and Meira flinches so hard she nearly falls over. It’s only a decade of various combat training that saves her from ending up on her ass in the dirt. She has never in her life been unable to sense the people around her before. She’s always felt the shades and shapes of people’s souls. Until now, apparently, with her grace trapped under her skin and unable to reach out to feel the nuances of her environment.

The man standing a little ways off is fairly nondescript, with short-cropped light blonde hair and a touch of stubble, wearing what looked like wilderness gear. Meira has no idea what lies beneath his face, whether she can trust him or not and it makes her uneasy. “What’re you doing out here?” He demands.

“Getting lost?” Meira sasses, because nervousness has never helped shut her up.

And then, another man steps out of the underbrush, but this one, Meira recognises. It’s her dad. Even though he looks so baby-faced and young, she’d know him anywhere. The relief is like a physical blow and she sags against another tree. “And my name’s Meira.” She adds. “Not ‘lady’, thanks.”

Dad quirks a grin, enjoying her sass, and then says, with every ounce of cocky bravado she’s ever seen him use and then some; “Nice to meet you, Meira. I’m Dean.” He glances over at the other guy. “And this is… I’m sorry, what was your name again?” The question is so obviously insincere, and Meira chokes on an incredulous laugh, because she’s seen her dad playful before, even bordering on mean when he’s trying not to admit something’s wrong, but that was something else. It’s macho-posturing, she realises, with a mixture of hilarity and dread. He’s showing off, like a twat, for her.

Oh, god. She’s going to have to nip that right in the bud, or she’s going to throw up again.

“Roy. Roy Roberts.” The other guy replies through gritted teeth, glaring at Dad – at Dean, she’s going to have to get used to that, or she’s going to slip up, and things are going to get awkward real fast – with enough venom to bring down an elephant.

“Hey, mind if I tag along with you guys?” Meira asks, to diffuse some of the angry tension in the air. Absently she wonders if this is before Dean has admitted that he’s into guys, too, because that might explain some of that. Roy is a fairly good looking guy, after all. He reminds Meira of that guy who played Bond in those movies Dad likes from before she was born. That… probably haven’t even been made yet. Damn it. She’s going to have to be careful with things like that. “I have no idea where I am right now.” She adds, because Roy does not look convinced.

“We’re heading further in, not back out.” He warns her.

Meira shrugs. “You’re still a better option than trying to make it by myself.” And she has absolutely no intention of going anywhere without Dad. It’s not really very rational, but he’s her only point of reference right now, and until she can get her feet under herself and figure out what the fuck to do, she could use the illusion of support. So she grins into the face of Roy’s unimpressed glower. “You know I’m just asking as a formality, right? If you say no, I’ll just follow you anyway, because what the hell else am I gonna do?”

Roy’s glower shades towards resigned, and Meira knows she’s won. Her grin sharpens, and he rolls his eyes, but nods his acceptance. “Come on, then, if you’re coming.” He instructs, heading back the way he came without any further ado, leaving Meira alone with her baby-faced father.

There’s a brief moment where they stare at each other, both of them at a loss, and then Dad – Dean – jerks his head towards the bit of forest Roy disappeared into, and Meira takes that as her cue to fall into step with him. “So, before you were getting lost, what were you doing out here?” Dean asks, looking at her with open curiosity. Then his eyes flicker down and up again, and Meira catches herself before an Enochian exorcism can fall out of her mouth on instinct.

Instead, she switches to the first lie she can come up with that might make her dad stop looking at her like that. “I was running away from a dickbag who wouldn’t take no for an answer.” She says without looking at him.

There’s a beat of silence, and a glance shows Meira that Dean is grimacing. “What an asshole.” He comments, just as they catch up with the others again. Roy looks sour, but he’s attentive, scanning the surroundings with a keen eye, which Meira appreciates, and standing nearby is Uncle Sam. Only he’s a squishy-cheeked, smooth-faced, gangly-limbed baby-Uncle now. Meira has to bite back the urge to coo and possibly pinch his cheeks.

The other two in the group are people Meira doesn’t recognise, a teenage boy with close-cropped hair, and a young woman with cute dimples that show when she smiles at Meira in greeting. Meira smiles back with extra warmth. “This is my brother, Sam.” Dean says, taking it upon himself to do introductions. “And this is Haley and Ben Collins. Their brother’s gone missing, which is why we’re here, looking for him.” He explains, gesturing.

“I hope we find him.” Meira says, specifically to Haley. She’s just decided that Haley is her salvation, and she offers her hand to the other woman to shake. “I’m Meira.” Haley takes her hand with just a hint of befuddlement.

“Alright, let’s keep moving.” Roy calls, before Meira can add anything else. She does let her hand linger, though, just a touch, before she retracts it. Their group moves off again, and Meira makes it a point to walk beside Haley.

“Tell me about your brother?” She asks, just to strike up conversation.

Haley glances at her sideways, but obliges. It’s clear she loves her family, just the way she talks about them, and Meira catches herself smiling for real, and not just as a flirtation, although it’s that as well. She does make a point to tell Haley how admirable she thinks it is, that sort of devotion to family, and Haley ducks her head with a rueful smile, bashful.

Behind them, Sam snickers. Meira glances back and catches a disgruntled pout on her dad’s face before he smooths it out into something more neutral once he realises she’s looking. She makes a bit of a show of glancing between Haley and Dean, and then grins, unrepentant, and shrugs in faux-apology. Dean snorts and waves her off, conceding defeat gracefully enough.

When Meira turns back around, Haley is watching her, one eyebrow arched. Meira refuses to feel sheepish at being caught out, and just nudges her with her shoulder, gentle and teasing, and asks her another question about her life. Haley rolls her eyes, but answers.

The conversation carries them on through the afternoon, until they reach a point where Roy stops. It’s almost a clearing, if it wasn’t for the waist-high undergrowth. “This is it.” Roy says, looking about them. “Blackwater Ridge.”

“What coordinates are we at?” Uncle Sam asks at once. Roy answers, and Meira aches a little at just how incomprehensible the numbers are. Before, she would have just known where she was, and she feels a little sick, being made aware of just how little she can tell about the world around her now. She looks around, hating how small she feels, how muffled everything is. She doesn’t dare try to reach out with her grace again, but she wants to, just to make that feeling of wrong go away.

“I’m going to go take a look around.” Roy announces.

Meira whips around to give him an incredulous look. He might not be in the know, might not realise that Sam and Dean are probably on a hunt right now, but even so, it seems reckless for anyone to go off on their own. “You shouldn’t go off by yourself.” Sam points out, so Meira doesn’t have to.

“I’ll go with you.” Meira offers, since no one else seems like they’re about to.

It earns her incredulous looks from all quarters, and a disparaging one from Roy. Meira gives him a hard look in return, the sort of ‘do you really want to try me, bitch?’ look that Pabbi has always told her makes her look like her qaada. And she might not be able to bring her grace to bear along with it like she usually does, but she is still an angel, no matter how constrained, and it would take a tougher man than Roy Roberts to not even blink in the face of heavenly wrath.

“Look,” he says in a carefully reasonable tone, “I know these woods, and I’m just going to have a look around, see if I can find any signs of people. I’ll be fine. You’ll be safer staying here.”

“You’d be safer staying with the group, too.” Dean interjects, making no effort to sound inoffensive. Roy gives him a sour look.

“Why don’t we all go?” Haley suggests, all false brightness and impatience.

Roy raises his hands in frustrated surrender, and heads off into the woods. The rest of them follow along like good little ducklings. They do spread out a little as they go, looking for any signs of other people in the area. Meira is not an expert woodsman, but she’d learned a few things growing up with a hunter family, and she tries to pay attention, to be helpful.

“Haley! Over here!” Roy shouts suddenly. Everyone bolts towards the shout, and they come out in a clearing with three tents lying there in mangled wreckages, blood-splattered and torn. “Oh my god…” Haley breathes, sounding horrified. Meira doesn’t blame her. She feels a little bit sick, too, and it’s not her brother’s campsite. The thought of something like this happening to Jace makes her want to smite something, and her grace roils under her skin, pushing at the boundaries of her physical form and aching every time it brushes against the inside of her skin.

“Looks like a grizzly.” Roy remarks, cool and practical.

Meira thinks not. Not only because if it was, it’s unlikely her dad and her uncle would be here, but also because there would be more blood and less wanton destruction if it had been a normal animal. If a bear had been hungry enough to hunt people, there would be a lot more blood, at least, and if it was pissed at them being on its territory, there would be bodies. But there aren’t. Just a bit of blood splattered about here and there, and a lot of claw marks.

Haley begins shouting for her brother, and Meira grabs her arm before she can walk any further into the camp. “Don’t.” She warns, eyeing the surrounding woods warily.

“What?” Haley demands, eyes a little wild. “Why not?”

“Something might still be out there.” Sam interjects, giving Meira a respectful nod. She tries to smile back, but she’s not too proud to admit that she’s scared. She ought to be able to tell what did this, to feel the spirits and souls around her and know. But she can’t.

“Sam!” Dean calls, and Sam heads off at a brisk clip.

Meira heads after him on instinct. Haley follows her for about three steps before Ben calls out in a voice that wavers despite his best efforts, and she turns back to him without hesitation. Meira catches up to Sam just in time to hear Dean saying “-tell you what, it’s no skin-walker or black dog.” Then Dean turns and stalls at the sight of her. “Uh…” He says, staring at her like a deer in the headlights.

In other circumstances, Meira might glory in making her dad look like that for once, instead of the other way around, but she’s still feeling unnerved enough that it’s hard to wring any humour out of the situation. “Why are we ruling out skin-walkers and black dogs?” She asks, propping her shoulder on a tree and crossing her arms. It looks less pathetic than curling her arms around her sides, but it still serves to make herself feel better. What would be best would be a hug from her dad, but there’s no way she’d ask for that when he’d probably just take it the wrong way.

“You-” Sam begins, realisation dawning in his expression.

“You’re a Hunter?” Dean demands.

“More or less.” Meira agrees. It’s never been a title that sits right on her shoulders. Not when she’s spent her whole life surrounded by people who actually dedicated themselves to the job, while she’s always felt more like a kid mucking about with a hobby. At Dean’s sceptical, bordering on suspicious look, she elaborates. “I was raised to it, but I’ve never… dedicated myself to it.” She hedged. “I just help out here and there when something crosses my path.”

“Right.” Dean acknowledges, and then jerks his head towards something behind him. Meira comes closer to look, and Dean explains the tracks. It’s almost like being a kid again, with Dad schooling her on this or that aspect of hunting.

“A skin-walker or a black dog could drag a person away, but you’re right, the tracks just stopping like that is weird.” Meira acknowledges, wracking her brains for what could do this. “A phantom cat could, too. Or a wendigo or a moonfiend. Or a harpy, maybe. It’s too early for a werewolf.”

“Werewolves don’t tend to drag their victims off, never mind vanish with them.” Dean points out.

“What’s a moonfiend?” Sam asks.

Meira blinks, reminded suddenly that this is not really her uncle. “It’s a… It’s kind of like a mothman, but less aggressive. They’re mostly harmless, actually, really shy, but if they’ve staked out a territory, you don’t want to go wandering into it.” She explains absently. “It’s just that they can fly, which would explain…” She gestures at the vanishing tracks. “Like Harpies. Wendigos are strong and agile enough to lift a human body, and phantom cats are spirits. It’s possible a phantom cats could transport a victim that way, but they don’t tend to drag people off, either.”

“Phantom cat. That’s the animal version of a poltergeist, right?” Dean checks.

Meira nods. “Yeah, pretty much. Although normal poltergeists generally just want to hurt or kill you, but some legends suggest that phantom cats steal souls.”

“The pattern of attacks would suggest it’s hunting, not protecting territory, so I don’t think it’s a moonfiend.” Sam adds with a grimace.

The three of them look at each other, all of them coming to the same conclusion, none of them actually willing to say it out loud. Before someone can muster their courage, the forest air is shattered with a shout.

“HELP!”

Meira startles, and then lurches into a run before she’s had time to think. Of course, Dean and Sam are already on the move, too, even as a second, and then a third cry echoes through the forest. They converge with the others, a wordless scream that sounds closer than ever egging them on. Then the forest goes silent, and they slow to a stop, wary and alert, listening hard. “It seemed like it was coming from around here, didn’t it?” Haley asks.

Meira feels painfully vulnerable, and she tests her grace, to see if she can conjure her blade. It’s made from her grace, and it’s still there, so the blade should be there, but when she tries to manifest it, a lance of white-hot pain ricochets through her, and she clutches at her wrist, gritting her teeth against the agony.

“Everybody back to camp.” Sam orders, and Meira obeys on instinct. She’s never felt so vulnerable before in her entire life, and it only gets worse when she realises they’ve fallen for a trap and all their gear is gone. Before, she wouldn’t have worried. She’s an angel, she can survive off the ambient energy of the universe if she needs to. It’s not fun, but it’s possible. But now, she has no idea what she can and can’t do. Her grace is still there, warming her bones, but every time she reaches for it, all she gets is pain.

“Alright, listen up.” Sam says briskly, looking around the camp with a tight expression on his face. “It’s time to go. Things have gotten more complicated.”

“What?” Haley asks, incredulous and irritated.

“Kid, don’t worry. Whatever’s out there, I think I can handle it.” Roy says, and Meira’s tempted to deck him for the condescending arrogance in his voice.

“If you don’t even know what it is, you have no idea whether you can handle it.” She snaps. It seems to startle everyone, but Meira doesn’t care. Yesterday, a wendigo wouldn’t have frightened her. She could move faster than it, could burn it to death with just a touch of the holy light in her soul, but today, she’s as helpless as Roy Roberts, and it pisses her off that he’s not as scared as she is.

“Sweetheart, when you’ve been hunting as long as I have, there isn’t much the woods can throw at you that you can’t handle.” Roy retorts smugly.

Meira scoffs incredulously, suddenly hating him. “Oh, that’s what this is. Did Sam taking charge just now wound your fragile male ego? Are you really going to put everyone here at risk because of your god damned pride?”

“How dare you suggest-”

“Hey, relax.” Dean interjects. Even though it isn’t directed at her, Meira can’t help but subside, too used to Dad mediating arguments between her and Jace, or her and Rob, or her and Pabbi that way.

Apparently, Uncle Sam hasn’t gotten the memo, though. “She’s right.” He says, as if Dad hadn’t said anything at all. “You have no idea what’s out there, what it can do. I’m just trying to protect you.”

“You, protect me?” Roy scoffs. “I was hunting these woods when your mommy was still kissing you goodnight.” He spits, getting into Uncle Sam’s face.

“Isn’t it about time you retired, then?” Meira snarks.

“You shut your mouth.” Roy barks, rounding on her.

“Okay, that’s enough!” Dad snaps, getting between them with both his hands out as if to physically hold them away from each other. “Just chill out, okay?” He prompts, giving Uncle Sam a pointed look. Meira tucks her arms around herself and tries not to freak out any more than she already has. Haley putting a hand on her shoulder makes her jump, but the comforting squeeze she gets helps a little.

“We don’t have time, Dean. We have to get these people out of here before this thing eats them alive.” Uncle Sam protests furiously.

“Look.” Haley speaks up, interrupting whatever Roy had been about to say in answer to that. “Tommy might still be alive.” She states, and Meira knows what’s coming next. She knows, because it’s what she’d say if it was Jace out here, in the claws of a wendigo. It’s what Dad would say if it was Uncle Sam. “And I’m not leaving here without him.”

“Then we’re going to need fire.” Meira says. “Lots and lots of fire.”

Blackwater Ridge, Lost Creek, Colorado – Saturday 12th November 2005

They build up a large campfire, and several smaller fires, too, and Meira helps her dad draw protective symbols around their camp. And then they sit and wait for morning or the wendigo, whichever comes first. The hours draw on interminably, and Meira sits right by the fire, close enough that she feels a little feverish with the heat baking her face, but it’s close enough that she could grab one of the big branches out of the fire if she needed to.

Sitting and waiting isn’t the best plan though, she thinks grimly. For morning, yes. Wendigos don’t really like bright sunlight, so they’ll have that small advantage once the sun rises, but after that? Haley isn’t leaving without her brother, and her brother, if he’s still alive, will be in the wendigo’s lair. Which they’ll need to find, and get into, and get out of, without dying or getting caught themselves.

“What’re you thinking?” Haley asks quietly, nudging her.

Meira glances at her, sees how worried she looks, and musters up a smile. “I’m trying to figure out how we’re going to find Tommy.” Haley blinks, then almost smiles, except not really. Meira knows the feeling, and goes back to staring at the fire. “Even if we kill this thing, we’d still need to find him, and… Shit, that’s a lot of wilderness to comb through.”

“We’ll do it.” Haley insists stubbornly. “I’ll do it.”

Meira smiles, slanting a fond look at her. “I know.” She assures her. “I have a little brother, too. I’d take on a wendigo for him, too.” That wouldn’t really have been saying much before, but now? Like this? She still means it.

“A…” Haley falters, frowning. “I’ve heard of that before. Isn’t that some sort of Native legend or something?”

Meira nodded. “Algonquian peoples, primarily. They tended to live more northward, where the long, lean winters often led to starvation. And starvation sometimes led to people who who looked at their families and friends, and saw not people they loved, but food.” Haley shudders in distaste. “And once they’ve eaten someone, they start craving it, and every time they eat someone else, they turn a little bit more monstrous.”

Haley gives her a sharp look, fear buried under anger. “You mean this thing’s going to eat Tommy?” She demands in a harsh whisper.

“It’s planning to, yeah. But it probably hasn’t yet.” Meira reassures, reaching out to put an arm around Haley’s shoulders. Haley grabs her other wrist in a desperate, unthinking motion, clinging to hope. “Wendigos are born of deprivation, they know what it’s like to go hungry, and they hate it. They tend to hunt in spurts, and hibernate for long stretches of time in between, but they don’t gorge themselves. They’ll take people alive if they can, so they have food for later.”

Haley squeezes her eyes shut. Then she sets her jaw and nods. “How can we kill this thing?” She asks in a hard voice.

Meira looks away. “I’m starting to wonder if we should.” She admits.

“What?” Haley asks, so sharply that Sam and Dean look over at them from where they’re sitting together across the fire, heads bent together and discussing something.

Meira opens her mouth to explain what she’s thinking, what she doesn’t want to be thinking, but before she can, someone out in the woods calls for help. She cringes, even as everyone else leaps to their feet, those with guns aiming them out into the night. She knows that it’s the wendigo, knows that it isn’t some poor bastard getting chowed on, but… well, before, she would have known, would have felt it, would have been able to tell for sure that, no, the only soul out there is the corrupted one of the wendigo. Now, all she has to go on is cold logic. It’s enough to convince her head, but not her soul.

Some part of her still feels the need to go and check, to be sure, because what if she’s just sitting here, listening to someone die when she could have helped them? Then the gunfire starts up. “I hit it!” Roy shouts suddenly, and Meira’s head jerks up just in time to see him dodging around one of their extra fires and rushing out into the woods.

She’s on her feet before she can think about it. Then she hesitates. What is she going to do, without her grace? But she can’t just leave him to his fate, either, no matter how much she doesn’t like him. “Don’t move!” Her dad orders, right before going after Roy himself.

That cinches it, really. Meira’s not leaving her dad out there with a wendigo. She snatches up one of the burning sticks, and bolts after them. “Meira!” Uncle Sam shouts, reaching out to try and grab her, but Meira’s played that game a million times, it’s habit to flex her grace to give herself just a little bit more speed so that she’s not where he expects her to be.

And this time, it works.

It’s such a relief she nearly stumbles, but she doesn’t have time to waste, so she catches her balance and runs on. She’s right behind Dad, and Roy is up ahead, and she can hear the wendigo in the trees. “It’s over here!” The wendigo calls with someone else’s voice, and Meira can see it reaching for Roy. The world blurs as she lunges, practically tackling Roy out of the way just as the wendigo’s hands flash out and the claws sink into her face.

She could retaliate, she has her stick, but she remembers the thoughts that had been plaguing her earlier, and doesn’t.

The wendigo jerks her, hard, but Meira’s grace isn’t gone. It’s just trapped, which means that when her neck snaps, it’s nothing more than a minor inconvenience. Painful, sure, but her grace heals the damage almost as soon as it’s been done. The wendigo gives her another shake, nearly breaking her neck again, and then wrenches the burning stick away from her, tossing it back down to the ground. She lets it, because she doesn’t want to have to heal being eaten, and then plays limp ragdoll as the wendigo darts off through the trees with her. It won’t fool it forever, but it should fool it long enough for it to take her back to its lair.

They drop back to the forest floor eventually, and then further down still, underground, Meira realises. A cave, or an abandoned mine, perhaps. She’s tossed into a larger cavern, lets herself roll limply along the floor, and the wendigo retreats. Meira’s just going to have to hope that her dad and uncle can keep Haley and Ben alive through the night.

“Ugh.” She groans and sits up, rubbing at the back of her neck. She’s human enough that that sort of damage is still unnerving, and leaves her feeling vaguely squeamish for hours afterwards. So worth it just to know her grace still works, though.

“Holy shit!”

Meira stills, looking around. The cavern is not, in fact, pitch black. There’s faint light seeping in from somewhere above her head, moonlight, and it’s just about enough for her to see by. There’s a man strung up from the rafters that looks enough like Haley and Ben that Meira feels pretty safe in guessing “Tommy Collins?”

“Yeah.” Tommy says breathlessly. “I thought you were dead.”

“That’s what I wanted it to think.” Meira tells him with a shrug, clambering to her feet and dusting herself off. “Now, let’s see if we can’t get you down.” She wishes, briefly but intensely, for her blade. It’s right there, sitting inside her soul, and she can’t manifest it. Instead, she casts about for something in the cave that they’re in, and settles on a broken shard of rock from the floor of the cave. It worked for prehistoric people well enough.

“How- how’d you know who I am?” Tommy asks after Meira’s been sawing at the ropes for a few minutes. They’re starting to fray, finally, which is a relief.

“Your brother and sister have come looking for you.” Meira tells him. “Brought me and a couple others along with them.”

“Oh, god.” Tommy groans. “Are they okay?”

“Worried about you, but otherwise, yeah. Last I saw, anyway. And D- Dean and Sam know how to handle a wendigo. They’ll look after them, I promise.” Tommy lets out a shuddering breath, nodding to himself.

“I think this is backwards.” Tommy says in a tone of forced cheer. Meira hums curiously, scowling at the rope as she continues to work at it. “We’ll the beautiful damsel is rescuing the handsome knight from the monster.” He points out.

Meira snorts her way into laughter, and leans back to get a better look at him. “You are cute.” She acknowledges, and in other circumstances, she might have flirted back, because she’s gotten the feeling that both Haley and Tommy are straight. “But your sister’s cuter.” She adds, going back to her work. The rope gives way before Tommy manages to muster up a response to that. He staggers when he drops, having been strung up for so long and deprived of sustenance that his balance is shot to shit. Meira catches him and slings one of his arms over her shoulder. “Do you know if your friends are still alive?” She asks him. There’s no one else in this cave, she doesn’t think, although she can’t be entirely sure of that with her grace locked down like this, but she’s pretty sure this won’t be the only place the wendigo has to stash its snacks.

She feels more than sees Tommy shake his head. “N-no, it-” He stammers out. “Oh god.” He says, and Meira recognises that tone well enough to shift the way she’s supporting him so that when he doubles over and retches, she doesn’t get covered in bile.

“Easy.” Meira soothes, rubbing a hand over his back. He dry heaves a few more times, but manages to regain control of himself after that. “Yeah, I can’t imagine watching something like that was any fun.” She muses, tugging him back upright and setting off. She hopes she can remember the way out. “Let’s get you out of here.”

“What about- about that thing?” Tommy asks her as they stagger along, into the first of several pitch-black tunnels.

“It’s almost certainly out in the woods right now, hunting the others.” Meira tells him, which she is aware is not as comforting as it could be, given that ‘the others’ includes family for both of them. Tommy swears, and Meira grimaces, figuring she can at least help a little bit. “Sam and Dean know how to handle something like this.” She assures him. “And they have plenty of fire. They’ll keep Haley and Ben safe. And I’m going to keep you safe.”

“In normal circumstances, that would sound ridiculous.” Tommy mutters.

“Don’t be sexist.” Meira chides, but she keeps her tone light, and gives him a gentle little jostle with her shoulder to let him know she’s mostly teasing. Then she sobers, because short of actually eating her alive, which admittedly is a possibility, the wendigo can’t kill her, but it could definitely kill Tommy, and if he’s going to play machismo bullshit because she’s a lady, she really does need to nip that in the bud. “But I’m serious. If it does come back, if we run into it, don’t you dare try to play the hero, alright?” She puts a touch of divine command into her tone. “I am not your responsibility, do not wait for me, do not come back for me, do not try to throw yourself into harms way to protect me. Am I clear?”

“Yes, ma’am.” Tommy mumbles, resentful and bewildered.

The rest of the slog out of the mines is made in silence, save for Tommy’s ragged breathing and Meira’s occasional curse when she makes a wrong turn and they have to double back. Finally, though, Meira picks out a hint of light and follows it to the exit. It looks like it might have been boarded up once, but the wendigo has made a neat little opening for itself, and she and Tommy stagger out into in the dim grey-blue light of false dawn.

Tommy chokes back a sob of relief. Meira grins at the sound and shifts him higher on her shoulder. “Come on, we don’t want to get caught here if it comes back.” She points out, and that convinces Tommy to pick up his pace. It’s still slow going, because he’s still pretty unhealthy after two days chained up in a cave with minimal sustenance. The wendigo probably wouldn’t have fed him, but they had been known to give captives water. They also have undergrowth to contend with now, and Meira might heal a broken ankle, but Tommy won’t.

“Where… are the others?” Tommy asks.

Which is a hell of a good question. “I have no idea.” Meira tells him, feigning cheer. “Right now our priorities are water and some way of making fire.” She informs him, and Tommy drags them to a stop.

Tommy clearly knows more about wilderness survival than she does, because within a few minutes of her pointing out a need for it, Tommy has somehow managed to get a small fire going. They’re still too close to the wendigo’s lair for Meira’s comfort, but having a weapon that might actually do something to it is more important than trying to escape something that could outstrip a bullet. They build up a campfire, draw some protective sigils, and Meira fashions them both makeshift torches, wishing bitterly that she wasn’t reduced to such primitive tools all the while.

Meira risks leaving Tommy alone with the sigils to protect him just long enough to see if she can find any hint of running water nearby. She does, so they relocate, going through the whole process of warding all over again, this time closer to the water. Tommy looks a lot better for the chance to drink and wash his face, and then they have to figure out what the hell to do next.

“Finding the others ought to be priority over killing the wendigo.” Meira muses. “There’s just the problem of how to actually go about that.”

Tommy nods grimly. “If it wasn’t for the monster out there that wants to eat us, I’d say set up a base camp, search outwards, leave signs.” He summarises. Meira is about to suggest that they should do exactly that, then, when a furious snarl echoes through the woods. Tommy flinches so hard he falls over where he’s sitting, only barely catching himself with one hand in the dirt.

“Think it noticed we’re missing?” Meira asks rhetorically.

They sit, tense and wary, in the ensuing silence, waiting for something to happen. It doesn’t for long enough that Meira begins to wonder if she should do something. Then the yelling starts. “Help! Help me!” Meira clenches her hands into fists, heart squeezing.

“You know that’s not going to work, right?” She calls, standing slowly and bringing two of their burning sticks with her, one in each hand. Tommy hisses at her, grabbing at the hem of her coat as if that might make her sit and stop baiting the monster. A snarl answers her words, echoing oddly as the wendigo moves mid-sound and the doppler effect turns it multi-toned. “What? Pissed because you couldn’t kill me? We’re pretty tough prey, I bet you’ve figured by now. All this exertion must be making you kinda hungry.”

The roar that follows shakes the forest, full of fury and malice, and Meira nearly giggles hysterically. She only has the barest idea of what she’s doing, and her hands are shaking with the terror of having a predator that’s bigger than her focused solely on her, but she knows, she knows from painful, bitter experience that making someone angry makes them sloppy in the short term. And any advantage she can wring out of this situation, she needs.

Tauntingly, she steps a little closer to the edge of the protective sigils. And there it is, sprinting too fast for the mortal eye to catch, close enough to make the underbrush rustle right next to where Meira is standing, but not quite close enough for her to hit with one of her torches. Meira doesn’t want to start a forest fire, but oh, boy, is she tempted right now. “Is that supposed to scare me?” She mocks.

The wendigo rushes by again, and then- stops. In plain view. Not even looking at her. Tommy makes a choked noise of horror, and the wendigo doesn’t even twitch. Meira is so tempted to lunge out of the sigils at it, but it’s too easy, and she hesitates. She hesitates like an idiot until it’s suddenly gone, bounding off into the forest, and she realises what must have happened.

It heard something she couldn’t. Something that was easier prey.

“For fuck’s sake!” She explodes, and goes after it, even though it’s probably going to get her eaten.

“Hey! Hey, wait!” Tommy calls.

“Stay in the circle!” Meira calls over her shoulder. “If it comes back, set it on fire!”

The wendigo appears in front of her in an instant. Meira swings on instinct, a little too slow because she’s so off her game right now, but a little too slow is still something, because the flames pass by the wendigo’s emaciated flesh with inches to spare, and it must feel the heat, because it shrieks, an awful, too human sound of pain. A huge clawed hand strikes out, and tears right through the sleeve of her leather coat and into the flesh beneath. “Shit!” She curses, pained and indignant in equal measure, because if she’s guessing right about the limits on her abilities, she’s not going to be able to fix that.

“Meira?!” Uncle Sam’s voice shouts.

The wendigo ignores him, which means Meira succeeded in pissing it off. She ducks the second set of claws aiming for her throat, and then swings both torches up and in. They crash into either side of the wendigo’s head, and the smell of scorched flesh fills the forest just as Sam skids into view. The wendigo screams, rearing back and disappointingly not dead. Meira gears up for another swing, and the wendigo bolts. It’s gone in a flash, and Meira is about to go after it, to press her advantage, but then Uncle Sam is right in front of her, eyes wide. “Are you alright?” He demands, looking between her face and her arm.

“I’ll be fine.” Meira assures him, lowering her arms and hissing when the wound pulls. “My jacket on the other hand…” She bitches, tugging at the shoulder to get a better look at the tears. She whines when she gets a proper look at the damage.

“You bitch-slapped a wendigo in the face with a medieval torch, and you’re just upset about your jacket?” Sam asks incredulously.

Meira considers that. “I… huh. That was pretty cool, wasn’t it?” Sam snorts, shaking his head like he genuinely can’t believe her. Meira grins, before the situation catches up with her, and she jerks her head back the way she came. “We should get behind the wards I set up if we’re going to catch up.”

Sam, though, shakes his head. “I’ve gotta-” He gestures after the wendigo. Meira is just about to point out that running off half-cocked is going to get him dead, despite the disorientation of having to tell her Uncle that, when he goes on. “It took Dean and Haley.”

Meira stares at him for a long moment, then tips her head back. “Oh, you’ve gotta be kidding me!” She whines at the sky. “I just got Tommy out!”

“You got Tommy?” Sam echoes, brightening.

Meira nods, and realises there’s really only one thing for her to do. “I’ll wait with him while you go help the others?” She offers, and Sam nods once, sharp and decisive. Meira thrusts one of the torches at him. “Here. Take that.” Sam does, muttering a quick thanks before he’s rushing off again, and Meira goes back to sit with Tommy.

It’s not even half an hour later when she hears footsteps, people moving through the woods, and then the others appear through the trees, all of them in a straggly exhausted group. Haley and Ben both let out cries of relief when they see their brother, and stumble into a sort of run while Tommy clambers to his feet in order to embrace them.

“Wendigo’s dead?” Meira checks.

“Yeah.” Dean confirms. “Shot it point blank with a flaregun.” He adds proudly. Meira whistles, impressed. Dean grins back at her. “Heard you hit it in the face with a torch?” He asks, jerking his head at Sam to indicate just where he heard that. “Pretty awesome.”

Meira shrugs, grinning bashfully. “I did what I could.”

Then she realises that Roy is watching her very intently. He looks more than a little worse for wear, something a bit wild around his eyes that suggests he’s not taking the existence of the supernatural very well at all. “You’re alive.” He says when Meira catches his eye.

“Yeah.” Meira confirms.

Roy swallows. “Coulda sworn that thing broke your neck.” He says, all of a sudden not quite able to look at her and instead staring somewhere over her shoulder.

“Oh, man, it tried.” She replied, grinning in a strange, giddy relief at the memory of how easily her grace had healed her. “Shook me like a ragdoll. But I’m fine.” She adds to reassure him, because he still looks a bit haunted.

Roy nods. There’s a long pause, and then he clears his throat. “You saved my life. When I was being an idiot.” He adds briskly, grimacing at himself. “Thank you.”

Meira shrugs, smiling ruefully. “Just because you’re an asshole, doesn’t mean you deserve to die.”

Dean snorts in amusement at that, and interrupts before Roy can say anything else. It doesn’t look like he knows what to say in any case. “Come on, let’s get back to civilisation. I don’t know about any of you lot, but I’m getting a little sick of these woods.”

No one’s going to object to that, so they get themselves organised, and follow Roy’s recovered GPS out of the forest. Along the way they discuss what, exactly, to tell the authorities, getting their stories straight. Meira’s mostly quiet as they hike, trying to figure out what she’s going to do now. Ideally, she wants to stick with Dean and Sam, but she isn’t entirely sure how to go about inviting herself along. She knows from her dad’s stories that he and Uncle Sam had been kind of codependent when they were younger, and trying to insert herself into such a close-knit dynamic is going to difficult.

She still hasn’t come up with any good ideas when they get back to a road and call the paramedics. Then it’s all chaos as everyone asks questions and gets medical attention. Sam tries to point the paramedics at Meira, but Meira dodges them with the excuse that it was just a scratch, she’ll be fine. “Hey.” Someone says behind her, and she turns to find Haley standing there, looking exhausted and overwhelmed.

“Hey, you alright?” Meira checks, touching her lightly on the arm.

Haley nods. “Thanks to you.” Meira shakes her head, but Haley presses the point. “You saved Tommy. You saved my brother.”

Meira relents with a smile, and shifts her hand up to brush her knuckles lightly over Haley’s cheek. “I’m glad I could help.” She says sincerely. Haley huffs, smiling incredulously.

“You never let up, do you?” She asks.

Meira shrugs and retreats. “I do mean it.” She points out.

Haley considers her for a long moment, then nods. “Yeah, I got that.” She acknowledges. Then she glances over to where Dean is finally escaping the paramedics himself. “I should go and say thank you to them, too.” She says, and Meira nods, watching her go. She watches them talk for a moment, before an idea occurs to her, and she hurries off to pickpocket a ranger, talk to Roy, and then circle back around to Haley. She gets there just in time to hear her say “Must you cheapen the moment?”

“Yeah.” Dean replies, as if it should be obvious.

Haley shakes her head, catches sight of Meira, and rolls her eyes. “The pair of you, I swear.” She huffs, and Meira grins. She’s heard it before, mostly from Qaada. Dad always protested that she’s way more like Pabbi, but given that the pair of them are the same flavour of irreverent flirt, she figures that’s one and the same.

Meira flips her stolen pen over in her fingers and proffers it to Haley. Haley takes it with a quizzical expression, while Meira shoves up her sleeve and presents her arm to her. “Gimme your number, and once I can get my hands on a new phone, I’ll text you.”

Haley narrows her eyes playfully. “And why should I?”

For once, Meira doesn’t rise to the bait. “Because then if you get into any other trouble, or if you see anything else weird, you can call me.” She explains. Haley’s eyes widen a little, and then she nods and scribbles a phone number onto Meira’s arm.

“Smooth.” Dean comments, half complimentary, half resentful, and Meira elbows him in retaliation. He elbows her back.

Haley shakes her head at both of them again, and then, surprising the hell out of Meira, she leans in and kisses them each on the cheek, Meira, and then Dean. “I hope you find your father.” She says to Dean, who sobers at that, and then Sam and Ben amble over and Haley guides Ben off to go to the hospital with their brother.

“You going to be alright getting home?” Dean asks, startling Meira out of watching the little family leave in the ambulance.

Meira winces, trying not to think too hard about exactly how far away from home she really is. Dean catches it and raises his eyebrows at her. Over his shoulder, Sam is frowning in concern. “Don’t really have one of those anymore.” She admits quietly, since it’s mostly true. She’s just muddling her tenses a little bit. She swallows and glances sideways at Dean. “Mind if I hitch a ride with you guys?”

Dean glances back at Sam, who shrugs. “Sure.” Dean says, a little uncertainly. “I guess.”

Relief makes Meira’s shoulders slump. “Thanks.”

“You really don’t have anywhere to go, huh?” Sam asks, sounding sympathetic.

Meira gives a slightly bitter laugh at that. “No, I don’t. It’s… it’s all gone.” She raises her arms a little in indication. “This is everything I have right now.”

“Shit.” Dean breathes. “What happened?”

“What always happens to hunters.” Meira hedges, tucking her hands into her pockets and hunching into her coat uncomfortably. It’s not even entirely a lie. “They missed one, and it came back to bite them.”

“Well, you can stick with us for a while.” Sam offers.

“Thanks. I don’t mind helping you look for your dad for a while as repayment.” Meira replies, and they both nod their acceptance. Then Dean tips his head towards the Impala, and Meira goes, aware of the pair of them following along behind her.

She’s pretty sure she’s not really meant to hear it when Dean says, in an undertone. “Sam, you know we’re going to find Dad, right?”

“Yeah, I know.” Sam agrees heavily. “But in the meantime… I’m driving.”

There’s a long pause, long enough for Meira to reach the back door of the Impala and turn to look at them. She’s just in time to see Dean flip the keys across to Sam, and she ducks her head on a smile. As long as she’s stuck here in the past, this is exactly where she wants to be; with her family.

[purplesurveys]

1032

survey by danceamydance

Have you ever witnessed a birth? Never have. I wasn’t present when my mom gave birth to my younger siblings and other than that there’s been no reason for me to be around for the birth of my other younger relatives.

What pattern does the closest tissue box have? I don’t have one in my room, but the one in our bathroom is brown. I think. I never actually checked even though I use it everyday lol.

Where did you lose your virginity, if you have? I truthfully didn’t really keep note of what counts as the first time because we had already been fooling around quite a bit. I’d guess either a hotel room or my room, or maybe hers. The one thing I can remember was that I was 18, so there’s that.

What color car(s) do your parents drive? We have two white cars and one teal. I still don’t know why my dad got a teal car when none of us in the family are into colored cars, but according to him getting the Vitara in white would’ve looked like an FX (a form of public transport here), so I’ve learned to make my peace with the teal car lol.

What are your views on getting rid of the penny? I can’t relate, because we don’t use pennies.

Which Asian country would you most like to visit? Aside from the ones I’ve already gone to, I’d love to take a trip to Thailand, Vietnam, Sri Lanka, and India.

Have you ever had a nosebleed? Nope. I fear the day I get one; I’m scared of blood haha.

How far away do you live from your birthplace? Maybe around 30 minutes without any traffic. A realistic drive to Manila would take me anywhere between 1 to 1.5 hours.

Do you have bangs? Yep, and they’re starting to get pretty long as well so thanks for reminding me that I’ll have to trim them soon. I want to get rid of them already as I’ve had my fun with them, but NO ONE HAS SEEN ME WITH BANGS loooool so they are still staying. 

Are you a good driver? I wanna say I’ve been better through the years? Hahaha the consensus is that I drive a little crazy, but my friends still always pick me to drive them whenever we go somewhere because everyone apparently still finds me the safest driver to ride with despite my temper on the road. Having a tiny car, being bullied by bigger pickup trucks and SUV through the years has helped toughen me up.

Have you ever kissed someone underneath the mistletoe? No. My ex and I always celebrated Christmas separately, with our own families, so we never got the chance to do this.

Do you watch the Olympics on the television? No. It’s not really something that interests me.

What was the scariest experience of your life? The time I nearly crashed into a car that I didn’t realize was stopped in the middle of the road while I was going 80 kph, and having like 3 seconds to hit the brakes.

Do you have a Tumblr account? I mean...

Are your nails painted right now? What color? Nope.

Have you ever played truth or dare? Several times, though I always pick truth because I’ve never had a problem saying it. I also hate picking dares because my friends would usually make us do dumb things, like dance, or worse, make out with someone in the circle.

How long is your driveway? Not very.

Are there any tv shows you keep up with religiously? Mmm it used to be The Crown, but I probably won’t be watching it for a while despite the new season because 1) I used to watch it when my past relationship had still been smooth-sailing, so watching it would just remind me of that; and 2) Gabie loves the shit out of Gillian Anderson and she was brought in for season 4 lol. 

Right now my focus is on a new Korean drama called Start-Up, which is currently ongoing and is so fucking good. Nam Joo Hyuk is also there, so it’s a sweet bonus for me <3

What is your favorite iPhone app? I’m using YouTube the most these days, so it may as well be my favorite.

Where is your mother right now? She’s at work.

Do you know anybody named Carl? I don’t think so. The only person that came to mind is an uncle named Carlo who I haven’t seen in more than a decade. My dad’s college group used to be super tight-knit and I used to be friends with his friends’ kids, so it’s sad to see them kinda grow apart and notice the others be more reclusive over the years.

Are you more of a night owl or a morning person? Morning person. Ugh, work is changing me as a person haha.

What is your favorite song at the moment? Saw You In A Dream by The Japanese House has taken the top spot again. It’s just too goddamn good of a song.

Do you have a weak stomach? Very. I’m awful with car rides, bungee jumping, fair rides, you name it.

Have you ever been to a party where people were drinking underage? Hmm, yes. Kaira’s 18th birthday – it was held in May but most of the people at her party weren’t going to turn 18 until the end of the year, so it was a lot of 16 and 17 year olds drinking. I had just turned 18 then, so I allowed myself to take my first sip of a margarita.

How many stores are in the mall closest to you? Malls here are generally packed compared to what people may have in the US or other countries, so even though our local mall isn’t anything notable, it still holds 200+ stores.

Do you know anybody who has been diagnosed with cancer? Yes, but they’re all outside of family. My mom’s side is very weird about cancer and never share information about family members who may have it and only ever refer to it as ‘the c word,’ so I may have more relatives who have cancer than what is made known to us.

How far away is the closest McDonald’s to you? We have one literally right beside the main entrance of our village but because our house is at the very end of the village, what should be just a couple of steps away is instead a 10-minute drive for me.

Would you ever meet someone in person that you met online? Yeah I’ve done that with a few people in the wrestling circle. Jila I met unexpectedly while we were both in line for the WWE house show in Manila in 2016; Javi I met when I lent him my Chris Jericho memoir; and Rafie was the one who gave me a free ticket to said WWE show. Rafie’s a local celebrity now and he has such a huge following, so as weird as it is I’m also glad I have that little memory with him before he blew up.

What was the last film you watched? That Thing Called Tadhana, but I was unable to finish it. I’m into TV shows these days and I’ve been all over Start-Up.

Does it snow where you live? Never has.

Have you ever been to an art gallery? Of course, I’m a sucker for those. I always go to one whenever I can; there are a lot of malls here that’ll randomly have pop-up art exhibits, so art galleries here actually aren’t limited to just museums.

What are your neighbours like? A lot of them have kids, that much I know because a lot of them play outside in the afternoon and make some noise. We all keep to each other, though, so I don’t know any more about them; the only time we get together is when the neighborhood organizes its own Christmas party for the community.

Do you visit your town’s library often? I would if we have one, but public libraries are not a thing here. If you needed to go to a library to find a book, you would have to go to a university.

Have you ever had to take care of an intoxicated person? This just gave me college flashbacks haha. Of course I have, and the most notable people for me are JM, Andrew, and Angela.

What flavor was the last ice cream you ate? It’s a red bean ice cream sandwich that also has a bit of vanilla ice cream in it.

Can you do a cartwheel? No but I definitely tried a thousand times as a kid.

Who is the last person you spoke to on the phone? Can I do video calls instead? I haven’t done phone calls in a while. The last people I was on a call with were Ysa and Bea.

^ What did you talk about? Secret work stuff.

Which website do you spend the most time on? YouTube, Tumblr, Reddit, Twitter.

Have you ever kissed someone of a different race? I haven’t.

What can you smell right now? My coffee chocolate chip cookie.

Do you read fanfiction? If so, what fandoms? I haven’t checked on my favorite authors since college, mostly because they went MIA at some point and moved on to different fandoms as well. But when I did, I mostly read ones for AJ/Punk and HHH/Steph.

What accent is your favorite? Man this question is asked a lot...

How did/will you celebrate your birthday this year? Gab gave me a cute digital present, I think I may have spent the whole day playing the Switch, and Hans and Angela sent over a box of sushi for me.

Are you more introverted or extroverted? I’m both depending on the people I’m with. If I’m with a crowd I don’t know all that much, I turn my volume down.

Do you tend to repeat yourself all the time? Yeah. I got it from my mom, who unconsciously repeats stories all the time.

How was the last chicken you ate cooked? Fried.

Is there anybody you always find yourself thinking about? Yes, but it has gotten easier to manage/ignore altogether these days.

What was your last argument about? Haven’t argued with anyone in a hot minute. It was probably my mom as always, but I no longer remember what it could have been about.

Are/were you part of any extracurricular activities in school? I had clubs in high school since it was mandatory. In college, I was in yearbook and a journalism org.

Do you want to get married someday? I don’t know about that anymore.

What colors are on your country’s national flag? Blue, red, yellow, and white.

Would you go back to your ex if he/she asked you? I’m pretty stupid when it comes to this, so yes.

[rigelmejo]

random notes about drawbacks/positives of mia:

My biggest incompatibility with the massive immersion approach (and in general a lot of good modern study methods) is I hate flashcards. It’s not that I dislike them as a concept - I am just super bad at concentrating on them. I am NOT good at doing the following: focusing on small bits of information, studying for short periods but Regularly, Reviewing Regularly, and sometimes I just genuinely can’t retain small concentrated reading sentences to the point it takes me 10 MINUTES a flashcard in order to understand/study it. As you can imagine, that last part is NOT efficient, and ends up making flashcards even slower for me as a study method then they’re ever meant to be. I can’t control when I’m unable to figure out/concentrate on small bits of information, so some months flashcards work as intended for me (I can review 10-20 in 10 minutes), but other months suddenly 10 flashcards takes me an hour. So I am not good at sticking to flashcards consistently - once the hard months hit, I don’t keep up with reviews, because they suddenly take way more time then they ‘should.’ However, when I can focus I try to make up the difference - and do 20-100 cards a day while I have the ability to do flashcards at a regular pace. On the upside, I’m proof you can do the SRS flashcard reviews, in a very chaotic way, and still get benefits. How I’ve done flashcards: cram 300-1000 in a couple weeks to a month, including whatever reviews I need. 2nd month - review if I can still focus, and do a few new cards (like 5-15 a day at most). By the time I can’t focus, most words are relatively-known and I only would need to review them once a week or every few weeks - if I COULD focus on reviews. However, I only actually review once a month or less at this point - and I’ll only review 20ish cards usually in that rare instance, unless I have a good day. I will not usually review the majority of those cards until my next burst of can-focus-on-flashcards usually in 2-3 more months. I have done all my flashcards THIS INCONSISTENTLY, and I’ve still retained a lot of what I studied. What I think helps: immersing in other content when you can’t do flashcards, so that you’re often still being exposed to words you studied (so they’re easier to not forget even though you stopped doing flashcards). So yeah... inconsistent flashcards, and some immersion exposure, and I was able to keep some of the gains SRS flashcards generally provide people. I can’t do flashcards consistently, and I usually have to do them in big-chunks then abandon them, but they do help me boost up how much I know when I DO use them.

More regarding my incompatibility with mia. The big thing is: I’m just not a flashcard person, not a consistent person. I have to vary what I’m doing regularly, or I burn out/struggle to focus. When I was in school, I would do the following to study: take notes/focus intently when being taught, then read the textbook/materials if I needed more help. Before tests, or to ‘review’ I would reread my notes from beginning to end of what I needed to remember. This would refresh my memory. If I still forgot/did not understand anything, I’d pinpoint that info in the book/ask my teacher/go online etc and try to just focus most of my ‘harder’ studying on those parts I was struggling with. Usually just taking notes/focusing, then reviewing everything in bulk right before I needed it (so maybe once every few weeks), was enough. When I couldn’t take notes, I would instead skim through book chapter summaries, and rewatch lecture videos if there was a digital copy - focusing most on the videos when info I forgot/sounded like key information was mentioned. Basically - notes, summaries, short cheat sheets, were all my friends. For tests like math and physics, I would read my notes AND make mini-sheets of all key formulas and how to do them/what I needed for them (usually I already had a sheet I just kept adding to over time/rereading). I could not use flashcards back then - I couldn’t focus, not consistently, not the way they’re meant to be used. It took me too long to even make them to warrant them being useful to me (I take SO long to make flashcards, its also a focus issues - also why when I do SRS flashcards I usually just grab some premade deck cause it keeps me MOVING and actually STUDYING instead of getting frozen in a task). 

This has always been my go-to study method. When I started chinese, this is how I learned 400 characters/basic words.  I bought a reference book with mnemonics, and would make myself read through it (as if it were notes I took). Occasionally I’d flip through old pages again, just to see if I still recognized old stuff, but mostly I just kept moving forward. So like - flip back every couple weeks to skim old pages, but read forward every day. I got through half the book before I burned out (because... reference books with their short entries of information? a lot like flashcards in structure, except thankfully I don’t regularly review afterwards like I would with flashcards).  It still took me 10-20 minutes for 10 entries in the book, but unlike flashcards it was a one-time task. When I got done, I had learned them pretty well - and I didn’t do anything to review them. They were just reviewed with immersion naturally, and eventually when I started studying common words these characters came up again (so if I forgot any, I relearned them easier then). This approach is roughly how I learned all words not in my premade-flashcard decks. I’ll read a chinese book - just start reading through it, looking up words I want to learn. I don’t review them, I don’t look them up again. Sometimes, maybe once a month, I’ll reread an old chapter to see what progress I’ve made - and then lookup unknown words then, as review since I didn’t remember them the first time. It sucks in a way... that SRS flashcard style study methods just.... do not work consistently for me. They are still beneficial, because in short month bursts I can quickly learn 500-1000 things with SRS (which is faster than some classes introduce words). But overall I have to rely on other study methods. Which for me feel inconsistent in progress since I can’t measure it as easy lol!  Even with no SRS, doing ‘bursts’ of this read-intensively note-like materials, then very occasionally skim old material again, does seem to work out okay for me. Back when I learned to read french, I did no flashcards. I looked up a common words list (and used my class vocabulary lists). I read through them once. Before tests (if for class), or every few weeks, I re-read/skimmed the word lists. By 3-4 months I learned the first 500 words. Then, since french has a lot of ‘similar’ sort of words, I just sort of dived into reading and then picked up words mostly that way - just checking a word list every month or so to review known words and make sure I didn’t have some big gap of missing vocabulary. 

So I guess: for me the biggest positive in mia is the suggestion to immerse often, frequently, and with a variety of materials. So that you practice different skills, learn a variety of things - and so you can move to something you like, if you get bored/unable to focus on one specific type of material. With mia you can read novels for a month, then get sick of reading and just watch shows/listen to podcasts when you walk, then if you’re burnt out from that you can just browse social media and check out fanfics/manhua/friends posts in the language for a few days or weeks before picking up longer materials again. The point is just to find ways to immerse, and do it. Simple advice. SUPER simple advice. But incredibly useful - every single time I add more immersion, I notice a boost in my comprehension. I notice actual improvement over time. I can’t pinpoint ‘why’ it happens, so unfortunately I’m not sure which complementary study methods or ways of immersing are helping me precisely with improvement in which skills. But I can tell that I am improving. I would 100% agree that immersing more is worth trying, at any language learning stage, as much as you want to. I immersed in the first months in both french and chinese, and I did much better than with japanese (where I did not immerse for 2 years and so my level stayed A1 beginner for like 2 years...). My French last time it was tested was around B1, which is fine since I just wanted to read and guess where my skills are closer to A2 and dragging it down? (Yes. Yes of course its speaking ability, of course). My chinese as far as I can pinpoint it is around HSK 4, as far as material I can easily read/listen to, as far as the practice tests I can take online. (Which, again, I’d self evaluate and say my comprehension is at HSK 4 or higher - I definitely can rely on good ability to guess meanings with hanzi and my comfort following grammar easily to boost comprehension a bit higher, but my speaking/writing is lower and I definitely only feel totally comfortable discussing topics that are manageable at HSK 3 - and my production grammar-wise is understandable but SO full of ‘this is the wrong way, use this instead’ which I’m working on...). So like... I got much farther in a year with each language I immersed in - even with the limited immersion I do actually do! So more immersion - better.  While I’m on the topic of immersion: if you like reading, read often and early. I am better off for telling myself “its not hard to read” and just diving in the deep end. Was it hard? ahahaha yes. ;w; But, I realize if I’d put off reading until say HSK 4 or HSK 5 knowledge in chinese, reading would be EVEN HARDER because I’d be so much worse at quickly reading through grammar/gathering context clues. Reading is a mix of actual reading skill, and vocab. I built up a lot of the actual reading skill by starting to try to read super early. So now my main struggle is generally just lack of vocabulary - and since I understand all surrounding grammar very well, its easier for me to roughly-guess at unknown words function and still follow the gist of what’s going on. Reading early also means, for words and hanzi I DO already know, I learned to recognize the many contexts/phrases they show up in and the various words they combine into earlier. So again, when I’m looking at a new text the hardest words are new vocab made of ALL unknown hanzi - if I know one hanzi in the word, it’s something I can often approximately guess the meaning of especially when I understand the entire rest of the sentence. If a new word is spelled with all known hanzi, I can look it up once or twice and generally remember it very fast - since its connected to what I already know. If I had waited to read until I’d learned more vocab, I would have less of a reading skill foundation to rely on right now. And based on what I’ve read of at least some people’s experiences on chinese-forums.com, many readers will go through a STEEP uncomfortable period when starting to read chinese. Something vocab does not totally mitigate. I think it just takes many hours, of the reading skills getting less and less hard, and then eventually things get more comfortable. There is also the issue of ‘comprehensible’ reading material - depending on your tolerance for ambiguity, chinese can be painfully incomprehensible for a long time. Generally people feel comfortable once they comprehend 98% of a material. But in chinese, even once you learn thousands of vocab, depending on your reading skills and abilities to ‘guess from context clues’, you will not be at 98% yet. Even if you can guess from context clues, that isn’t solid comprehension its still ambiguously understood material. So to get used to reading chinese as a learner, you have to start getting used to how it feels to read stuff only 80% comprehensible. Only 90% comprehensible. And if you get good and learn a lot of vocab and grammar and understand it better when you see it - 95%. Which is still not the range of ‘comfort’ yet. The quicker you learn to not be stressed by the ambiguity, the less painful reading becomes. And the more tolerable it is, the more you can read, and the quicker you can learn more, and the quicker you’ll REACH 95% to 98% comprehensibility. But if its so painful you refuse to keep reading, to keep using reading to push comprehensibility up... it is going to be a long way until you hit 98%... Graded readers are great, and give you stepping stones to transition this experience. Graded readers are MADE to be 98% comprehensible at different learning levels, so they will FEEL comfortable. And if they do feel uncomfortable (because you don’t have high enough comprehension), then they will at least drag your comprehension up - and still be more tolerable than the alternative of even LESS comprehensible native speaker chinese language materials. Basically though... find a way to force yourself through the harder ‘intolerable’ early parts. It happens whether you know 500 words or 2000. So you’ll have to do it eventually. I get demotivated if I’ve ‘studied a lot and still understand nothing’ so my foolish self dived off the deep end at 500 words, then at 1000, then at 1500, then at 2000. Cause I kept trying to read, being frustrated at its difficulty and stopping after a few weeks, then trying again once I’d learned more! But wow did that early trying pay off. Now that I DO know more words, if nothing else the comparison of how NICE it feels to read now in comparison to in the past, motivates me a ton. If I just started reading recently, and all I knew was it felt ‘this hard’ then I might want to give up. But like... when I started, and knew 500 words, my graded readers were PAINFUL. Genuinely intimidating. Once I pushed through one? They felt easy as pie, and graded readers at that vocab-level felt so easy they got boring. Now I find graded HSK 4 material and usually read through it super fast or don’t even bother. So I can 1. read more comfortably. And 2. because I’ve BUILT up a higher tolerance to ‘ambiguity discomfort’ I can allow myself to read harder materials if I do want to - because I can still TELL it feels easier than it used to. 

Finally, about MIA the study method as a concept. So... either because the site is long and people don’t like to finish reading, or maybe the writer is not good at summaries - but people often get confused about how to do it. Particular detail questions about how to do ‘this specific suggested activity’ make sense. But there’s a lot of people who ask “do I just turn on the language shows, and?? How do I learn?” Which, fair enough. So, as I understand it, here’s a summary: You want to learn a language. Find yourself a grammar guide - a free website, a book, whatever. Read the summary/guide, or skim it, whatever gives you a ‘preview’ of the language’s structure and what you’ll be getting used to over time. You will use this guide to reference later in the future, whenever grammar in stuff you see confuses you. You can use multiple guides later to reference. Right now, just zoom through a guide and get a general sense of the language you’re abut to learn. You can also wait to do this step until later, whenever you want. The sooner you do it, the sooner grammar will be less mysterious to you. Find yourself a pronunciation guide. Go through it, you don’t have to be a perfectionist about ANYTHING you do before or after this. Just go through, listen to it all, try to notice how its different from your own language. Notice if there’s any major differences like tones, sounds or patterns your own language doesn’t have. You don’t need to memorize, you’re just becoming aware that these aspects exists and are different. Again, this is to get you used to the language you’re about to dive into. This should probably be done early on. Look up some info about the writing system, if it is different from your own language’s. You will probably find some explanation introductory articles for beginners. If there’s any explanations about how it works, or why it’s like it is, read through it. This will help you understand the system better. You don’t need to memorize - although you may want to save a couple hundred common words, or a copy of all the letters, or a copy of a couple hundred common characters, or a copy of the radicals that combine to make characters. Read over this copied info a few times every once in a while, as you’ll see these things a TON once you start immersing.  You find yourself a premade deck of SRS flashcards (use Memrise app, Anki program/website, some alternative) of common words in that language - ideally in sentences, but single-words work if that’s all you can find. Ideally with audio - but again, whatever you can find. You may also find an SRS deck of characters (like Heisig Remember the Kanji)/writing system specific info, if you want, to go through that deck early on to help you more with recognizing the writing system as you encounter it.  Whatever decks you get, you will study those for 10-30 minutes a day. You can start doing this from day 1. (Or be like me and be inconsistent about it - just try to keep progressing forward and learning new material, even if you don’t always study. For me it was better always to move onto new stuff, instead of review, if I only had time to do one out of the two things.) Find yourself stuff to immerse with - shows, stories, audios, comics, social media, whatever. You will try to immerse every day, and try to immerse as much as you enjoy. Do this from day 1. When immersing: use either the language you are studying’s subtitles or else none at all. When watching/listening - look up words as desired, mainly though focus on context and trying to understand as much of the gist of what’s going on as you can. Over time you will pick things up. For reading - look up words as desired, and in the beginning you may look up a TON of words because you need to look up at least enough to follow the Bare Minimum Gist of What The Main Plot is. You NEED to understand at least basic context, with whatever your immersion material is, in order to learn new words from context. So: you might start with reading simple graded readers. You might use shows/books/audio of things you’ve already experienced in english, so the context is clearer to you. You might read summaries in english ahead of time. If you need more context in order to use immersion to learn any new things - then go ahead and give yourself more context. Immersion will feel difficult at first, the joy is watching you start to just ‘naturally’ pick up more. Audio immersion - for some of this, you do not need to attempt to ‘understand the gist of the plot’, you can just use it to attempt to pick out all the specific words in the language, the language’s rhythm, and get used to the language. If you’re only using an audio to learn the sounds of a language, you can probably use it as ‘background sound’ while doing other daily things, since it won’t require as constant focus as it would if you were trying to catch every single word you knew as you listened. There you go. You’re all set. Do this for a year and see where your progress is at. Quit doing this if you aren’t seeing some improvements, since if that’s the case a different study method may be better for you. Don’t do this method if you don’t like it - whatever gets you to study, is the right methods for you. No point doing something that doesn’t work for you. Eventually, as you make progress, you will decide on goals and notice mistakes/shortcomings in your skills. When that happens, add additional study materials/tasks as needed to focus specifically on those things as desired. For example - if you notice your pronunciation sucks, you may start using audio-focused flashcards, or go through a pronunciation guide again more carefully-thoroughly this time. Or - you realize your writing is bad, so you go through a grammar guide again and do the exercises, and get language partners and write to them regularly so that you get corrections. Eventually, you finish a common word flashcard deck - find a new deck, or make one, with new words you want to learn or need to based on your goals. The massive immersion approach is a basic plan of immerse-while-paying-attention+study new words/review words regularly, it doesn’t include every single thing you might do or want to do. 

Anyway, mm. tldr: massive immersion approach suggests doing immersion of all kinds, from day 1. I couldn’t agree more, every time I add more immersion when studying a language it helps so significantly and over time. however, mia also has half of it’s study method based on SRS flashcards - if you are not a flashcard person like me, my alternative study ‘method’ above works. It’s not perfect, its probably not as effective. But it works if you can’t focus on SRS flashcards reliably. Finally, I summarize mia a little.