#this is also why i didnt learn anything useful in college : I

[burinazar]

while this is a useless thought, it is annoying to me that i've been studying japanese for two years and not, like, ten or twenty. because it really would have made a lot of sense for me to start learning japanese much, much earlier. like, to take it in high school, instead of spanish, since our school did have japanese classes available. it really would have made so much sense!

why didn't i do that???? i already had acquired interest in medias and hobbies that (especially at the time) there wasn't as much info in english on, like even then i was interested titles and hobbies that didn't have a ton of fandom in english

however, i had not acquired sentience, or something, so i didn't.

("i had not acquired sentience" is my funny way to observe how many times i can look back at my life and go "why did i do/not do that? what was i thinking? actually i remember the answer, i wasn't thinking")

yeah yeah, i know, "the best time to do it was ten years ago, the second best time is now", yeah, i am doing it now, but the 'Was I Not Sentient???' thing also legitimately bothers me because i don't know if i've learned my lesson and Become Sentient yet. what will i at forty years old be looking back at my current self wishing i had Been Sentient enough to think to do???

[bonetrousledbones]

ngl i've been dealing with burnout for nearly this entire year and the goddamn hurricane Did Not Help but by now it's shifted to this very weird flavor where i'm like constantly rotating drawing ideas & full fics i want to write in my brain & Really Wanting to work on them but then once i get as far as opening sai or google docs i just go "hm. dont wanna"

[yume-no-miya]

look i love making sae be the one who's so in love and showering hajun with so much love and affection but it's much more fun to think that HE fell harder than her

[kroosluvr]

aftermath

ERMMM this takes place after long winter au third semester.... it could honestly vary but i think sometime btwn 5-10 yrs. sumire is abroad, akira moved back to tokyo after finishing hs/college, goro is. around

SORRY ITS 5am again so ill make this quick . again

QUICK DISCLAIMER this is kinda like a lot of me projecting LMFAOSDOGKJSDHFK@#)40 so like dont read into this tooooo much bc idk royaltrio cld be insnanely ooc here but. YEA.

started thinking abt akira constantly calling up goro and sumire even after 1) goro dies (so they think) and 2) sumire distances herself post-third sem. i elaborate on this on my shusumi fic........ sorry subtle shilling

^ tldr i think these 3 kinda drift apart after the snowglobe world crumbles, that false reality that ironically brought them so close together..... back in reality, things feel Different (but this is Our reality right? why does it feel so strange now?) and so. well its just not the same, no amtter what

the. the “the love was there. it didnt change anything. it didnt save anyone. there were just too many forces against it. but it still matters that the love was there” tumblr post

even though they loved each other and knew it too, there was also some sort of looming feeling that it won't last - but it does, still. it exists, in some meaningful sense-

akira sees and thinks about sumire and goro in everything he does, his day to day life, worries about them, wants to tell them about all he's doing, wants to hear about what they're up to. so he does so by leaving voicemails (although in this case sumire changed her number LMFAO. he does it anyway)

in the same vein, sumire thinks about all the things she'd like to tell goro, but with no address to send it to, it's useless. but she writes them anyway - more and more as a solace to herself, conversing with the memory of goro in her head, making him live on in that sense. and with akira i think it's a little more subtle. here she's trying to find a coffee shop that measures up to lebalnc, and of course she doesn't. there's only one leblanc and only one akira. but yeah like in sumire's case she kinda goes these "roundabout" ways in her Missing Them. theres also the added thing of her wanting to be more independent (from goro and akira and kasumi and tokyo and etc etc etc. also elaborated on in said fic)

goro! i think there's smth so poignant about visiting your own grave (i wrote sumire doing htis in another fic. thats an aside) hair cut, mask on, no gloves, he's a different sort of goro akechi but not really in any meaningful sense either. he's just different. sumire leaves the scarf (i think w sumire, she learns from goro like. omg im blanking on the word. LIKE reliability..? thinking realistically? smth like that.) so shes subconsciously thinks oh ill get him something useful like a scarf to keep warm (and a lil more subtle on the love aspect). akira gets him a lovely bouquet, straightforward and honest w his love/adoration, never afraid to spell it out. smth abt goro needing to live a new life now but also he keeps looking back - but this time, there's love when he looks back. there's still love

a kind of "youll always have home with me" sentiment btwn these 3. even if we never return there, youll still have a place in my heart

like "i dont think ill ever have that kind of love again. but i had it once. and even if i couldnt keep it, its still important." THIS IS HARD TO EXPLAIN

anyway tldr theres just some sentiment w royaltrio w Wanting to move on but also holding onto your past, and learning how to reconcile with the horrible parts but also the tender and lovely parts. sometimes there's stuff you gotta leave behind and grow past, grow around, even if it's good. even if it's good, you still have to push forward. <- a lesson that i'm trying to teach myself currently so thats why this is very. projecting. LMFAODSJKHJKSDKW sorry im crnge goodnight

these notes are horrible dont read these.

[quxyivs]

The other half of me

Popular Boy! Lee Know x Loner Photographer! Black fem reader

Summary: Lee Know the schools heartthrob, Mr perfect, the pretty boy, sees you getting bullied by his ex and decides to step in. He offers to take you to the nurse and when you two meet again after you rejected his offer her learned that he doesn’t have to lie to himself when near you (College AU)

Troupe- Heartthrob x Loner (kinda)

Trigger Warnings! Fluff and angst, crying, cursing, bullying, a tad bit of fighting, blood (lmk if I missed anything!!)

You were sitting down in your seat on the train looking down at your camera as you made your way to school. When the train finally stopped you stood up and walked over your bag and camera in hand. You connected your Bluetooth headphones as you began walking out the train station and toward the campus.

You were eventually across the street from the campus. You looked at the gates and you took a deep breath before walking across the street and making it to the other side of the road. When you made it to the other side you walked towards the entrance, not before the same group of girls came beside you pushing you over and knocking you down causing you to hurt your leg.

“Fuck-!! Ow!!” You said as you sat up holding your bleeding knee. “Aww is the baby gonna cry? Gonna cry!! Grab her camera and take a picture too!!” Amia, your main enemy laughed loudly as another girl, Jio, grabbed the camera. When she picked it up you quickly stood up and snatched it back. “Leave me alone!” You said clenching your camera. “Who do you think you’re talking to!?” Just as Amia was about to slap you, Lee Know, the school heartthrob stopped her hand.

“Amia what the hell are you doing? Leave her alone.” Lee know said looking at Amia with a stern voice standing there waiting for her to leave. “But-!!” “Go.” “UGH!!” Amia stomped off with her friend mumbling underneath her breath. Lee know turned around coming closer towards you to get a look at your face before you backed up. “I didn’t need help..but thank you..” You said as you looked away from him and back away. “You’re welc-shit you’re bleeding come here let me help.” He reached out to grab your arm when you snatched it back from him. “Don’t!!..Don’t touch me. I can do it myself.”

You grab your bag from off the ground and limp to the nurses office. She wasn’t surprised to see you as this was normal for you by now. She sat you down on a chair as she disinfected the wound. As you sat there patiently waiting for her to finish the door to the office was opened again and in came Lee know. You were about to protest and tell him to stop following you when you saw him sit on the chair need the window and just look outside. Completely ignoring your presence.

You could tell he seemed a bit out of it so you decided to maybe snap him out of it. “What’s little Mr. Perfect doing here? Thought boys like you were too good to get into fights.” You said sarcastically rolling your eyes as you looked at him waiting for his response. “Well seeing as defending you got me dumped, I thought I’d come check in you.” He said honestly making you feel bad.

“Oh..I-I’m sorry I didnt…”

“It’s fine. She was annoying and bitchy anyways..just using me for my popularity and money..” For the first time in forever you felt like you knew him..? You and Lee know never spoke. Never even a wave but here he was pouring his true emotions out to you. You looked at him softly. “So why’d you get with her..?” You said softly but also sounding concerned. “My parents forced me to do it. They force me to do all of this.” He admitted as he looked at her.

You two made eye contact but it felt deeper than just a glare. “So you don’t want to be the schools ‘Heartthrob’ the ‘popular boy’ the-“ “Guy everyone wants to become because I’m rich and get girls? yeah. I hate it, wish I could just be left alone, kinda like you.” He said chuckling to himself dryly.

“..Why would you want that.. I mean being alone is well, lonely of course.. No friends and everyone thinks you’re just a weirdo. Being like this sucks.” You say chuckling as well looking down at your leg as the nurse walked in. “Oh? Is something wrong Lee know?” The nurse said looking at your leg and wrapping it as she spoke. “No just came in here to get away.” He said his voice quiet, almost like he wanted to go unheard.

“Well good thing I just went to restock….” She paused briefly. “You know.. you two are really the same.” She said with a soft smile as she finished wrapping your leg throwing away some of the bloody cotton balls. “How? We’re polar opposites.” You two said almost at the same time and then made eye contact.

“That’s how.” She giggled. “Well you two need to get to class now yes?? I’ll write you both a pass!” You awkwardly shifted in your seat before standing up preparing to leave as she finishes writing the note you find yourself gazing in Lee know’s direction. As you look at him, you find yourself lost in his presence. The way the sunlight hits all his features perfectly, the way his eyes shimmer, his slightly pink cheeks.. You find yourself unable to control your movements and you take out your camera and snap a picture of him. When the picture comes out the Polaroid you shake it and then look at it. Gorgeous. Pure perfection. You then snap out of your head when you hear the nurse snap.

“Stuck in la-la land over him aren’t we?” She chuckled. Nervous that you had been called out you just run out the room with your camera but dropping the picture. Lee know saw that you dropped something and he stood up to pick it up when he saw that what you dropped…was a picture of him.

He smiled and picked up the photo. The nurse who was watching it all smiled too as she crossed her legs

“Seems you found your other half.”

“Seems so..”

.

.

.

A/N- AH I spent SO long writing this!! I hope you guys like it!!! Lmk if you want this to be a series too(*≧∀≦*)

[violaextract]

NOT ONLY CLASS SWAPPED SCYTHEBELTS, BUT ALL CLASS SWAPPED FATED??

you try to give a flower to your crush and your powers go haywire smh

hi so if you saw the og class swaps i did for the fated in like,, 2020 maybe,, uhhhhhhh no you didnt ( you can see the og ones behind them in the line up )

this time i chose sub classes for them!! and they are very silly, BELOW THE CUT IS MY THOUGHTS AND WHY I CHOSE THE SUBCLASSES I DID, IF YOU WANNA HEAR MY RANTING VVVV

sylnan is circle of shepherd, i felt that it suited him, especially with the idea that he could steal from people with the help of animals, also because he lived with the rats, so,, ykyk,, also the vines can be used to climb stuff because thats cool, i love the guardian spell too, basically you get downed and you can summon a spirit that will attack anything that gets near you, ( even if the spell doesnt attack teammates or non threats its a nice idea for braad to be the only one who can get near him when this happens, and possibly as the party grows together the others can also approach him ) also the vest design is meant to mimic a ribcage, i think i had an idea of why i did this but forgot,, it just looks cool. maybe something to do with his death or his emotions, whos to say

braad, arcane trickster, SURPRISING NO ONE, hes silly thief guy who maybe became a rouge to help their situation, but he was kinda just hiding it from his brother, until the pact thing happened and then after the pact is severed, hes a trickster instead of a bard. he needs to be able to do his silly illusions, also i like to think he just happens to doge stuff, like by sheer coincidence

velrisa, college of lore, i thought because she wouldnt be a cleric for weejas, she could be a sort of, storyteller if you will, spreading the word and fighting for her god with music, she still does stuff with undead and whatnot being raised by clerics, but she simply found another way to show that,( maybe she struggled with normal cleric magic also maybe she relates to mountain )

taxi, battle master fighter, it was this or champion, but i feel like it fit what with what we know about his parents, in this he was trained and whatnot, it was probs a gillion tidestrider thing where it was fucked and he throughout the fated travels learns to fight for himself and protect the people he cares about instead of listening to what people told him he should be fighting for. also maybe he could become some sort of champion because its taxi, i love him.

mountain, war domain, like with taxi i was inbetween war domain and death domain, i felt death domain because the death of his wife maybe threw him into that, but i felt that what with mountain being in a fighting ring and meeting his wife there, that war fit better, he is a crazy good fighter and healing also possibly learnt from Hilda and heightened after her death. hes still mountain though so alcholic cleric punch healing and shenanigans, dont think that just because hes a healer now hes devoid of everything that makes mountain, mountain. plus with taxi, maybe hes very involved with helping taxi find his fight, and with vel, she knows about cleric stuff despite not being one so ykyk

okay rant over, the read more thing didnt work so IM SORRY, i put too much thought into this BYEEE

[aidlyncanon]

Lets Talk: Tyler Hernandez

a.k.a. sai explains sbg

When I think of mischaracterized sbg characters I almost immediately go to Tyler Hernandez. Why? because he's so mischaracterized due to people focusing on ships too much.

This isnt a post for me to say "fuck you ik these characters better and im right" since people to perceive things differently this is just more me sharing my full Tyler analysis which I find most people (ive talked to) agree with me.

This is gonna be separated into four categories: personality, full death analysis, relationships, my opinion on fanon tyler takes.

I didnt realize how long this is gonna be until I actually started typing it so warning it's a long one :)

Personality

Were going to go from start to current on this.

Not much is known about how Tyler acted before his father's passing, other than he used to be your average loving kid. He enjoyed playing baseball with his father and his dad taught him and Taylor a few songs on the guitar one of them being Happy Birthday (which he later taught ben). Once his dad died his entire life practically got uprooted.

I find it odd that theres a chapter explaining his development and character yet he's still so mischaracterized. He slowly lost interest in everything, never doing anything fun. Instead focusing on taking care of his family like he watched his father do.

Despite how some portray it, Tyler doesn't find joy in playing baseball anymore. It became just a way to get into college. He doesn't see the point in indulging in things that he deems distractions or stupid. For example at the Sorrel Weed House he (rightfully so) found the phantom "prank" stupid, dragging Taylor out of the building. Like Ashlyn he too saw no point in friends. He didn't have time for 'such distractions'.

He's not one for sugar coating or beating around the bush, he'll be blunt. Such as him telling Logan he's pathetic for being scared of Barron while they deal with phantoms every night. While even Ashlyn acknowledges he was harsh she stated he did have a point, that Logan needed to learn how to defend himself.

Despite being easily annoyed and irritated at the beginning he cared for them in some form early on. Like when Logan got hurt in the bus he went to check on him, or when he heard Aiden yell Ashlyn's name when she got taken onto the roof Tyler almost immediately went to go check what happened.

Whether he realized it or not the others were beginning to be of concern to him. He slowly began warming up to them. This is first majorly seen after they get the jeep from Ashlyn's house. This being the first time we properly see him smile. He also shut Logan down when he tried to dodge Aiden's compliment. Telling Logan he should be proud of himself.

Tyler also is relatively observant, noticing and acknowledging the fact that Logan wants to do something to help Barron's new victim (Noah). He assures Logan that they'll all be there if he needs help. Not only showing how he's grown to care for them but that he'll help them when needed.

At Lily's birthday Ashlyn acknowledges that Tyler's become less of a jerk, quite literally stating in the comic that he's grown and become more comfortable around them. Allowing himself to make friends despite growing up thinking it was a waste of time.

I would talk about his death itself but the section below is gonna go into depth about it.

He has no will to keep himself guarded in front of them. His only concern being getting to Taylor. That's a pattern with how he operates. He WILL put those he holds closest above himself. He quite literally was about to die but the only thing on his mind was the fact that he'd be leaving them alone. That something might've happened to Taylor. That he needed to get to them.

Taylor states in the season two premiere that he began having fun with them, possibly beginning to see the group as his family. (Theyre family its canon shush). When Ashlyn goes to apologize to him he appears shocked but he doesnt accept her apology. Why? because he doesn't blame her, he knows it wasn't her fault. He cares for her, we can see how much he has grown. He even gave her a nickname that wasn't a form of insult. By which I mean he calls Aiden idiot and other things but not a genuine nickname.

After finding out that Aiden also died but woke up before him Tyler went to text Aiden. Whether that was to check on him or just to have someone to talk to who knows.

He's let down his walls for the group significantly, like when Logan, Ashlyn, and Ben found him in the facility. He in his own way asked for comfort, thanking Ben when he comforted him.

Overall Tyler's grown to care for all of them, seeing them as family. He's allowed himself to be open and vulnerable. Relying on the others at times (throughout his injury) as well as letting them rely on him (like when telling Logan the group will be there when he talks to Barron)

Death & Aftermath

His death was a pivotal point which is why I made a whole section dedicated to it. Not only is it a turning point for Tyler but for the story and everyone else.

NOTE: so I was going to do a full analysis here on this HOWEVER i'm just going to make it a separate post since this is long enough as it is and I want to keep this focused on Tyler whereas his death and aftermath discussion will be about everyone.

Relationships

Ethan Hernandez

Not much is known about his dad other than the fact he played a huge role in Tyler's life. He taught the twins a few songs on guitar, Happy birthday being one of them. This allowing Tyler to teach Ben for Lily's birthday.

Mariana Hernandez

After losing his dad, Mariana essentially wasn't mentally there. She's still dealing with her grief causing her to at times be unable to remember her husband isn't alive. This was shown when she wondered why her husband wasn't off work for Lily's party.

Tyler had to take care of both her and Taylor. When she came back to reality after Tyler died she stepped up to take care of him and be there for her children. He cares for him mom a lot.

Taylor Hernandez

Most of this goes without saying, hes protective of his sister, after all he needs to be. I assume this comes from the fact the twins canonically have separation anxiety (stated by Red on insta). This likely stems from losing their dad at an early age.

His sister is always his priority, when he woke up his first instinct when he heard a scream was to get to Taylor.

Ashlyn Banner

They don't hate each other despite what some fans believe. They actually never hated each other.

At the beginning they had conflicting ideals, Ashlyn thinking it'd be smarter to wait while Tyler wanted to go back to the Sorrel Weed House. This caused them to bump heads at times.

During the first night when Tyler cause Ashlyn to snap at him telling him to "be useful" he, despite being irritated prior to this, did make himself useful by helping with the chair legs. Ashlyn noticing his silence and wondering if she was too harsh. Showing that even then she had nothing against Tyler.

Tyler grew to care for others this includes Ashlyn when he hears Aiden yell her name, he also ended up carrying her to the car when she got concussed. The feeling of care is mutual first shown when the fight at the arcade happened. When background guy punched Tyler, Ashlyn immediately kicked the guy square in the head.

Ashlyn commented on how he was less of a jerk and how it was nice of him to teach Ben Happy Birthday for Lily's birthday since he can no longer sing it.

When Tyler died Ashlyn felt guilty, blaming herself for the incident. She was so upset that she couldn't protect him and the others. Tyler on the other hand didn't blame her at all. Brushing her apology off as if it was nothing. Because it WAS nothing, from his perspective she had no reason to apologize.

She was the first to find him in the phantom dimension. She was the one to administer the sedatives. Telling him "we're going to get you down... okay?" to which he responded with "okay..". She waited until he was sedated and she was off the ladder to fully react. Putting himself and his wellbeing first. She checked on him when they parked the car in the school that night.

When looking for the others in the facility she made note that she was worried for him (and aiden), remembering the way she last saw them both. Once finding Tyler and his bloody room she was shocked and concerned. Unable to react at the sight.

When Ashlyn revealed that she was the one to bring their parents into the phantom dimension Tyler shut her down real quick. Saying she was being melodramatic and that she would be the one who could get them out. Adding the "and anyone else who you decide to drag in" to which she replied saying she didn't decide to bring anyone in. With him ending the discussion with "then stop acting like it".

"they hate each other" they never have

Aiden Clark

Aiden and Tyler mutually made digs at each other. Aiden getting on Tyler's nerves easily. Overtime their arguing turned into playful banter. They grew to care for the other.

Aiden was worried when Tyler had died, while still managing to partially keep up his facade it is easy to tell he was worried for his friend.

Aiden not typically dropping his smile except in moments where someone he cares for is harmed. Tyler's no exception to this, as when he sees Tyler on the Tree he is visibly scared and in shock. Literally shaking from the sight.

Over the course of the comic Tyler grows accustomed to Aiden being around. His jokes and just presence. Eventually allowing Aiden to rest against him while they shared a wheelchair.

Ben Clark

Tyler offered to teach Ben guitar for Lily's birthday. The two have grown close. When Tyler died and woke up at the hospital Ben was seen with a "r u ok?" message on his phone. Tyler trusts Ben. We can see this when after they get Tyler off the tree Ben carrys him on his back. In the back of the car Ben keeps his eyes on Tyler.

Ben goes back to carrying him while they walk through the school. Once they get to the room he sets Tyler down and begins to re-bandage him due to Tyler bleeding through the bandages. When the roof begins to collapse Ben can be seen protecting Tyler's head and body under the desk.

When they find Tyler's room in the facility Ben too is shocked. Once Tyler says "...you know it doesn't really... make me feel... any better if you... react like that..." Ben immediately kneels next to him, ruffling his hand and giving him a smal thumbs up. As his way of trying to be there for him. This getting a small thanks from Tyler. Ben then sends Logan and Ashlyn to find the others and get a wheelchair while he stays with Tyler.

Ben can be seen redoing Tyler's bandages multiple times. He also was the one to push Tyler's wheelchair while they were walking around the facility.

Logan Fields

At the start Tyler thought Logan was pathetic for beinf scared of Barron. Eventually, like the others, he grew to care for Logan. When Logan got hurt he went to check on him.

At the arcade he noticed Logan wanting to do something about Barron so he encouraged it, telling Logan that him and the others will be there just incase.

When Tyler reunited with everyone in the hospital Logan can be seen crying, relieved his friend was okay. Like Ben and Ashlyn, Logan was shocked at Tyler's state in the facility.

During the walk through the facility Tyler mentions that "we should probably be a bit faster" where we got logans iconic "youre the one in a wheelchair" retort (love him).

My Takes

These are just my own personal opinions.

"Ashlyn and Tyler hate each other" you dont need to like the ship but to blatantly ignore their development is crazy. I wouldn't even put it up to development since they never hated each other. Theyre both just the type to believe and stick with their opinion and positions. They had conflicting ideas which lead them to debating but to say they hate each other couldn't be farther from the truth.

I honestly can't stand the way SOME fans make it seem like tyler hates everyone except Logan for some reason. He wouldn't be close to anyone except the GROUP. Why? because like ashlyn he didnt see the point in friends, not cause they hated everyone but because it was a waste of time in their minds.

Also he wouldn't use cringy ass nicknames or petnames, the only real nickname hes given is "carrot top" which yeah is funny but it's not like babyish does that make sense? Other than that the only thing person he really calls names is Aiden who he uses like insults PLAYFULLY. Again he doesn't hate any of them.

I don't understand how people can manage to mischaracterize him so bad when there's an entire chapter that explains about half of his character. Quick focusing on just early S1 sbg cause he had plenty of development in the first season alone.

If you've actually read this im fucking shocked, this shit took me like two hours to write omg.

Who next? (minus Logan until the little bit of backstory we now have is public not fast pass)

[gay-disabled-characters-showdown]

LGBTQ+ Disabled Characters Showdown Round 1, Wave 2, Poll 1

A character being totally canon LGBTQ+ and disabled was not required to be in this competition. Please check qualifications and propaganda before asking why a character is included.

Check out the other polls in this wave and prior here.

Floofty Fizzlebean-Bugsnax

Qualifications:

They are nonbinary (canonically use they/them pronouns) and during the plot they become an amputee.

Propaganda:

Floofty is a scientist studying bugsnax in the hopes of discovering something that could better the world. They amputated their leg to test a hypothesis on bugsnax having regenerative properties. It works, but only temporarily, and they're shown to use a prosthetic leg post-game. They're a mad scientist. They're a mild autocannibal. They only experiment on willing participants, of which they are the only one. They're selfless to the point of self-destruction. Their color pallet is the nonbinary flag. Vote Floofty.

Anything Else?:

floofty is kinda mean but that's cus every bugsnax character has reasons to like & dislike them. listen I'm paranoid that someone's gonna be like "aha! they're bad rep because they're mean!" but everyone else is equally fucked up don't worry about it

Heart-Moonlight Chicken

Qualifications:

He's deaf (and I think one of the first ever deaf love interests in a Thai drama) and canonically gay with a boyfriend.

hes canonically deaf and gay

Heart is a gay deaf character in the drama moonlight chicken.

Heart is canonically deaf and canonically has a boyfriend at the end of the series! :)

Canonically queer and deaf

He’s canonically deaf and the love interest of another male character (Li Ming)

Propaganda:

A lot of his storyline is about the struggles of being deaf in Thai society. The show is only 8 episodes and he’s only a supporting character so it can't go super in depth to it but his arc was really well done imo. He lost his hearing due to illness like 3 years before canon (I forget th exact time frame), but his parents shut him away and never learned sign language so his storyline is about being able to come into his own and leave the house and everything. Like his love interest learns sign language for him and researches what to do to help him feel normal and supports him as his parents are forced to confront how they've failed their son with their lack of acceptance of being deaf. Like his whole story is just him finally getting to live his life normally again after being shut off from the world and having a supportive boyfriend. At the end of the show, he goes to a deaf college in America to study engineering.

he became deaf after a disease and since then is isolated in his home for 3 years. these years also coincide with the pandemic. and his parents didnt learn sign, just writing their messages in a paper and sliding it to him without hearing what he has to say. he was also presumably degraded for talking because it wasnt very clear because hes literally deaf. his parents by the end of the show try to talk better to him through sign but good god. he was so lonely

Heart is an amazing character. His story show us the hardships he faces with his family acceptance but also the importance of forming a community. His love story with ming is beautiful and heartwarming.

Heart is sheltered by his parents after losing his hearing due to illness. Throughout the series, however, his parents gain more understanding of him and his abilities and he gains a found family with his boyfriend Li Ming and Li Ming's family and it's all so heartwarming and wholesome. Although his parents see him as unable to live a normal life after he loses his hearing, he disproves this by seeking work, building relationships, and getting into college for engineering. He is the best boy!

When we first meet Heart, he is very sheltered from the outside world by his parents, who have taken pretty much no effort to understand Heart’s needs or wants since he lost his hearing. He is homeschooled and doesn’t seem to have any friends or sense of community. His parents leave him alone all the time, choosing instead to focus on their work. His bedroom is full of notes that his parents have left him. Hung up on the walls are different sign language posters, clueing the audience into the fact that he taught himself sign language. Over the course of the show, Heart develops a friendship and, eventually, relationship with Li Ming, a boy who works at a chicken rice shop. Li Ming sneaks Heart out of the house, where they do all kinds of things together – participating in a lantern festival, attending a community gathering for deaf folks, and learning how to drive a motor scooter, off the top of my head. While learning how to ride the motor scooter, however, Heart has a small accident and his parents find out about him sneaking out. The confrontation scene is one that is definitely best translated on-screen, but I’ll try to describe it the best I can. Basically, Heart, Li Ming, and Heart’s parents all hash it out. Heart’s parents accuse Li Ming of influencing Heart to disobey them, Li Ming explains that Heart wanted – and is capable of – doing the things they did together, Heart’s parents barely even look at him during the entire exchange, Heart finally gets fed up and tells his parents exactly how they make him feel, and Heart’s parents have to ask Li Ming what Heart was saying. After this confrontation, things get a bit better with Heart’s parents, though not perfect. At the end of the show, Heart and Li Ming travel overseas together, where Heart attends university and Li Ming works, a dream they talk about quite a few times over the course of the show.

He’s the first deaf love interest in a Thai drama! And he has the most adorable love story with another guy called Li Ming in the show who learns sign language in order to communicate with him more effectively. While he faces struggle from his parents being extremely overprotective after he lost his hearing a few years ago (also since he’s still a teenager) it ends up resolved with them changing their mindset and allowing him full freedom. His story shows struggle while not being a tragedy, and he ends the show going to study in America with his boyfriend being really happy <3

Anything Else?:

I feel like it isn't very often we see deaf queer characters, especially not ones who find love and a happy ending!

The qualifications and propaganda paragraphs correspond, @burnsuncomet is the second submitter.

[malleablemusic]

in the spirit of remaining genuine and honest in this article, i will be fully transparent and say i have heard the titular song of this album and am obsessed and in love with it, but i've never cared to listen to the rest because i no longer have a good relationship with the boy who introduced me to neutral milk hotel. because of our falling out i now have (perhaps misguided) negative notions of the people i picture to be fans of neutral milk hotel. i am now braving a listen through of this album due to my passion for using this blog to expand my mind/break down barriers of preconceived notions i have, but also because my boyfriend's best friend highly praised it, and he is a good man :) anyways, heres my review of in the aeroplane over the sea by neutral milk hotel:

king of carrot flowers pt. 1: 4.2/5 stars

the second it started with "when you were young" i knew i would be emotional

the imagination of childhood... and how it naturally disappears for us all as we grow up..but specifically this song insinuating it happening because of the domestic/family abuse the "king of carrot flowers" experienced...ouch

love how tender is sounds. how he sings is so raw and makes the awful story he's telling sound sweet

king of carrot flowers pt. 2: 3.9/5 stars

oh. where did jesus christ come from

"mouths open wide and spilling snow/ i will spit until i learn how to speak" and "i will shout until they know what i mean" perfectly encapsulates the feeling of not being able to communicate your anger

in the aeroplane over the sea: 5/5 stars

when i first heard this song, i sobbed and wasnt sure why. after hearing it a thousand times since, i know why the song feels so tragic. i heard it when i was 19 and in my freshman year of college. i think that was truly when i understood how important of a time my teens to early twenties were, and felt afraid that it was slipping away or i would blink and miss it.

"but for now we are young/ let us lay in the sun/ and count every beautiful thing we can see" i vowed to remain curious and appreciative of my youth. never discount the small joys in life !

"cant believe how strange it is to be anything at all" i wish i could scream this off a rooftop

two-headed boy: 4.4/5 stars

was immediately reminded of the two-headed calf poem, and my chest caved in

i am really in love with the way he shout sings, and especially how they do not seem to fix the clipping that happens when he does

i like the way he pronounces the "k" sounds so sharply

the fool: 4.2/5 stars

obsessed with the imperial sounding trumpets, feels like a king is marching in but instead im picturing a jester walking down towards the throne

feels like it belongs to the soundtrack of a movie

holland, 1945: 3.8/5 stars

i kind of wish i didnt google the song title first, because it made me more confused.

i do love how the song paints the picture of an profound story

communist daughter: 2/5 stars

did he. did he just say what i think he did. i had to pause and collect myself. "semen stains the mountaintop" HUHhhh?

no i wont lie i dont know what the song is about and tbh i dont care to?

oh comely: 3.2/5 stars

i would love to know what this man' sounds like when h's speaking voice sounds like. i wonder if he always rounds out his syllabus soo much (if so, love that) and also where his accent originates from

just as i was typing that i felt there wasnt enough modulation and i was bored, he did that high noooote (or his attempt at one) and i kind of love that it sounded so hard for him and his voice barely went up in register HAH. sounds like its really coming from the depths of his soul

ok. no actually what is this man's obsession with mentioning semen. "smelling of semen all under the garden" dude what actually is your problem that is a CRAZY line

ghost: 3.3/5 stars

i like the drums that come in at "and she was born in a bottle-rocket in 1929" and how its a delayed drum entrance

doesnt sound different enough from the rest of the songs it followed to be specially noted in any way tbh

[untitled]: 4.5/5 stars

i genuinely love pipes (apparently this song uses a uillean pipe) and think modern music needs to utilize its fantastic sound more, loving this so much

two-headed boy pt.2: 4/5

i really enjoy the two part songs, the narrative this album weaves is very well thought out

i love the motifs of the album and how he finds different ways to tie back to them (especially the flowers in her eyes)

i really enjoyed the album overall, and will definitely be taking the time soon to delve deeper into the album's lore. i;m glad i went in blind and without any preconcieved notions of the narrative, and look forward to learning more about the tale (or ideas/opinions of what it could be about!). im glad i gave the album a try, and would rate it overall 3.8/5 stars

[soccerpunching]

headcanons about tachimukai during ie go? its always good to see your posts on my timeline!!

WAAAHHHH OH MY GOD THANK YOU SO MUCH!! And of course, I love him sm and I have a lot!!

I'm also adding this picture here because i really love how soft Shinsuke remembers Tachimukai, makes me emotional. He genuinely wants to help him. (I'll keep using this picture forever, methinks)

(some of these are during the 10-year timeskip; putting it under the cut)

Headcanons:

Almost everybody comments on how is it possible to have one of the most vicious goalkeeper in existence be so polite in interviews. He's so loved by people across Japan and has a really strong fanbase. And it's bcs he looks so focused and vicious in the field that most ppl cant recognized him outside of it (like how Shinsuke didnt).

Much like Kazemaru, Fubuki, Gouenji, and Kabeyama, he's also one of the few from the cast who stayed in Japan soccer leagues. All of the teams he belonged in lost the least goals in the leagues they've joined!! He's a monster goalkeeper in their eyes! (Another reason why Shinsuke didnt recognize him is bcs he doesnt believe someone as legendary as tachimukai would casually teach a goalkeeper-beginner like him.)

I genuinely think he's good at studying and has good grades in IT-related subjects and is above average in most sciences, he just chose to not go to college. He did go to a vocational school as a backup plan. In case he gets severly injured or sumthn since goalkeepers are known to retire for injuries more than the field players.

More than anything, he wants to teach goalkeeping so he has that as a consideration for his future also. He's still thinking abt in what way can he accomplish this but that time with Shinsuke did make him realize that it's something he wants to do. But maybe not right now, he thinks he needs more experience!

He gets tons of modeling offers that he keeps on declining bcs it's never been his interest. He once jokingly told Tsunami that maybe he should try it after his retirement, he didnt realize Tsunami took it seriously and he's very excited for this modeling career (Tsunami is in fact considering modeling too bcs of that joke)

He makes a lot of effort to stay connected with old friends and likes traveling a lot even if it takes time! He likes taking the scenic route too and just takes life slowly.

Some of the things he does when the league season is over are riding sleeper trains and hotel-buses!! (It's so cool that japan has those!!) Sometimes with friends or family, but he also likes going alone and making conversations with people (who most often does not recognize him at all).

He's timid as an adult still but he overcomes this by telling himself that being with people is part of the great experience of life however corny that sounds. It's one of the things he learned from being with the cast who gave him the courage to step out of his comfort zone.

Speaking of his traveling! His inagram is full of traveling pictures!! And all the food he gets to eat! He also travels outside the country and taste as many spicy food as he can. He's famous in inagram actually even if he barely has any pictures with his face in them but he's really cool with it.

He is also demiromantic ace in my heart <3

He casually enjoys surfing too (in the drama cd, he asked if tsunami can teach him how to surf to which i think he enjoyed) and competitively with tsunami (bcs tsunami makes everything a contest)

He goes trekking, mountain climbing, and skydiving with his old pals from Yokato a lot.

He goes to camping trips with the first year gang too (kabeyama, kurimatsu, kogure, haruna and they also invite shourin, shishido!!). Kogure plans these trips.

I have some more that's in my hissatsu techniques hc of him regarding how he is in the field but that's yet to be posted (bcs descriptions are so hard 😣). These are the ones that I can remember outside of that for now!

And really thank you for the ask, they really motivate me to share them!!

[favoredsouls]

Its hard for me to talk about faith as it is hard for me to talk about anything. I say I don't know so much it might as well be punctuation for me. It's hard to say just how important I find personal faith and spirituality is over that of something based in a group. Maybe thats why I like the favored soul. They are often outside of a organization. Sometimes feared, sometimes revered, sometimes both. But this is real life I am in, not fantasy. I am not going to delude my experience by thinking I am a chosen one.

Years ago I was spending time with a friend at his college. I had feelings for him at the time. He was my first dm and the first guy I would date later one. He was exploring paganism and had been for a little while. But I was different. My parents, raised catholic, turned to paganism in their college years and kept it in their hearts along with their faith in christ. There are points I cannot tell what they really believe. But thats the thing. Faith is not one side or the other. Back to the point I have been pagan my whole life in a way.

So I am spending time with this guy and he eventually finds a group of queer kids that call themselves the Pagan Student Union at the college. He invites me to join their meetings. And I do. But the thing was. The thing was one of the first people I talked to very openly said they had dreams about Thor and he told them find other followers. An alarm bell went off then but i didnt know what it meant.

In short this group was a bunch of queer, college kids who were trying to escape christian programming. I have no ill will to them but tbh. They kinda creeped me out after a while. My friend I dont think talks to them anymore but remembers things differently.

By that point in my life I had been wearing a hammer for a few years and working with runes since high school. It was important to me but I have moved from the mystical stuff about it. Runes are letters. They have the meaning you give them. Like tarot. Its about interpretation.

I realized that some of the people i dated and loved at the time were misguided. They were told things that made them feel special by people who wanted something from them. I dont think one of them realized this. I didnt know how to tell them they dont have a dragon soul. That guy probably wants to sell you something or wants sex.

Then I come to learn through my mother and some online scholarly types that yes. There are people who do just that. Theyre called grifters. And they'll take a lot if they can. Theyre everywhere. That same person with the dragonsoul also felt they were talking to spirits.

They asked me if i believed them on a walk back from a little patch of woods near my home. Idk what i said anymore. I didnt but i didnt say that. They knew i didnt believe them though.

For other reasons im glad that person is gone from my life.

I learned that sometimes the things you find faith in are not the things you think them to be. Gods do not speak to us in anyway we hear if they do at all. Trees dont talk or have spirits that talk on their behalf. The guy whose telling you have a special soul probably just wants to bone. If they do I dont think the person writing this or that book knows how to listen and discern what theyre saying.

But there are real things out there that happen. Storms do move overhead and I feel energized by their rain. I feel awe. I feel fear. I feel excitement. They're like a friend who makes me feel good about myself and I value the time with them when we have it. I call him Thor.

There is something sacred to me about people fighting for what is right. For justice and truth. And i read stories about them and imagine a friend is telling me them. His name is Tyr.

I wonder the woods and see wind blowing through trees, forcing a cacophony of swayinh bodies. I cannot hear my own voice in the wind. And I am excited by this. Like I could be knocked off my feet at any moment. The glory of it all! To live and breathe at this moment.

I cannot find my dogs bowl for 2 weeks. I know in my mind it is under a couch somewhere but i cannot see the blasted thing with any flashlight. No one can. It must be the gnomes. Its always the gnomes. We curse them and bemoan them. It shows up two weeks later when we move the couch for other reasons. They have forgiven shilo for spooking them and returned the bowl.

Life is full of so much wonder, mischief and grief. The things you find mystical are not magic because they have extra properties. Theyre mystical because they exist and you can marvel at them!

My friend is a geologist and she likes to poke fun at the witchy types who think rocks do things. But she talked in the same breath about how these things have been crushed and moved for thousands if not millions of years to the surface into the form they are now and you get to hold it! Isnt that beautiful. It is Lee. It certainly is.

Life isnt tragic because we face so much hard ship only to die in an uncaring universe. Its beautiful that we get to live at all and do all these things and love people and sing and dance and hold rocks. The universe may be a charnel house of mostly dead stuff. But isnt it beautiful that we get to be some of very few things that can move and think and do so many things!

I exist at the same time as the stars do and they are beautiful. I get to see snowstorms and thunderstorms and my dog Shilo and all my friends dogs and all my friends. All in my lifetime! And so much more! I exist at the same time as all these things.

There is beauty in that truth. It is so awe inspiring to me that i get to be here at all! And so much more. So much more i couldnt say it all in a single post. I have faith in this beautiful world and everything that comes with it. I call her God for simplicity.

I like to think of her as a friend whose so excited to show me all the cool shit they find on their walks.

[ericstoltz]

life update!!

i finally have some free time and havent properly posted something in so long so i thought id write up something!

first of all i want to say that ive successfully fixed my bingewatch problem in late january!! i hate to say it, but seeing how many movies i saw last year in my letterboxd wrapped really concerned me 🫤 i wanted to make an effort to make use of my time properly (after starting a new job and all) and i thought i wont let myself waste time bingeing horrible b-movies just so i can bump up the percent watched in someones filmography (its kinda tricky doing it so i made a resolution to only watch movies which interests me if i want to see more of someone)

with that said, i ended up not watching anything on weekdays and eventually think that staring at my phone for more than an hour wasnt my thing anymore (at least in the context of doing it EVERYDAY). so that may be one of the reasons why the turnaround for my hyperfixations got slower (which i think is good!).

ALSO, i do want to mention that because ive been watching less films recently i initially thought it would be great for my gif making hobby since i wont feel the pressure of wanting to gif so many movies at one sitting. i tried this in early feb and.. well... lets just say that it takes time for my very old laptop to make gifs (i had it since college during the pandemic so it was really used!). i only screen record scenes i want to gif because i hate having to wait to download AND even if i had hq clips it would take my laptop so long to render. so making something lq and having to wait 30mins just for a single gif wasnt doing it for me (bcs i said i wanted to make more use of my time).. so thats the reason why i havent posted anything lately (I REALLY REALLY wanted to make a gifset of josh whitehouse in valley girl but the quality just ended up stressing me 🫠)

and for my last update, as u can tell from my reblogs on queue, i just saw daisy jones and the six and LOVE josh whitehouse and he really got me playing the guitar again 😭😭 (i still think its a miracle!!!). ive been practicing some old pieces i used to perform when i was in high school during my 5-9's and i just had a bizzare idea of getting into the piano. i only ever played classical before, so i always had a problem doing improvs. i spent some time looking at videos on youtube and found out improvs on the piano were waay easier to play and understand, so im gonna buy a keyboard very very soon (which im so excited for)!!!! learning how to do jazz improvs on keys would probably be my new hobby and making gifs would probably be back until i get a new laptop (which at the moment is very low priority 🥲)

SO THERES THAT! Now heres an audit trail of my jan-feb hyperfixations!

still on a tom blyth high since late december 2023

dom sessa: after watching the holdovers (seriously this time)

sam claflin: i wanted to get out of the coriolanus blackhole so i ended up reading finnick odair fics 😭😭 i found out he was the lead in daisy jones and the six so i watched that! my hyperfixation didnt last tho!! i have love rosie on my watchlist but got side tracked bcs of... *drum roll*

JOSH WHITEHOUSE -i find it crazy how most of my hyperfixations are englishmen. but yes. my sweet pookie. i love him. i will try not to talk much bcs if i start i wont stop. but tldr i didnt binge his filmography so i was on his youtube channel for quite some time and spent 15mins a day there... thats maybe the reason i got into playing the guitar again? love his music videos AND love how he plays flamenco. i play classical on the guitar and am a tarrèga girl so i never bothered to learn flamenco (tarrèga hated it) . but knowing just that made me want to at least remember some pieces i used to play just so i can play again... THEN i found out he has a new movie coming up with...

malcolm mcrae: ngl his pretty face caught my eye (special shoutout to anya! literally the power couple)... my first thoughts were like 'ohh i wonder what his character is like in triton'. but then i found out hes in a band SO i was thinking ok hes in a movie w josh so theres probably gonna be something music in it. i then looked up his band and love their songs!! theyre only a duo which i think is p strong (u dont need that many ppl in a band rly!) and i watched some interviews they had too!

KANE RITCHOTTE: my babygirl. my darling. idk what to say abt him. his songs with malcolm are always so magical. ive been playing gods in the details on repeat since early feb. hes my favorite more* member. the literal musical god. im praying hell sing more songs. ALSO i was suprised he did a cameo in daisy jones and the six with malcolm (they were the one who taught some of them how to play their instruments!! i was in awe bcs malcolm was the literal billy dune. LIKE sam claflin really copied his playing style which is so neat!!)

thats all!! thanks so much if uve read up until this point ily and pls lmk what uve been up to as well 🫶

take care <3

[axolozzy]

vent (tw for extreme ablism transphobia and overall terrible stuff idek if i should even post this im sorry i just really need to vent i will probably delete this later)

y’all i’ve finally gotten comfortable vocal stimming in front of people im comfortable with like my friends and family and now my mom all of a sudden thinks im hearing voices or that i have “multiple personalities”????????* like no i promise nothings “going on” with me and j don’t need to see a mental health professional im just stimming because im happy. what the fuck

*also i’ve literally told her for YEARS that it’s called DID and talking in different voices does not fucking mean someone has “multiple personalities” because this has come up SOO fucking much over the years and i’m getting tired of explaining it. i repeat things in funny voices because it’s fun. i’ve done it my whole fucking life it’s called echolalia it’s called STIMMING and she doesn’t listen to me whenever i explain that

so much for being comfortable being myself around people. “you never used to act like this” BECAUSE I WAS SCARED!!!!! BECAUSE I HAD TERRIBLE ANXIETY AND DIDNT WANT TO BE JUDGED FOR BEING WEIRD!!!!!! my parents genuinely think there’s something severely wrong with me now. they literally told me that. because i meow sometimes as a vocal stim. and so do LITERALLY ALL OF MY FRIENDS AND PEOPLE AT SCHOOL. PEOPLE IN CLASS TALK IN WEIRD VOICES AND MAKE ANIMAL NOISES TOO ALL THE FUCKING TIME!!!!!! ITS NOT FUCKING SERIOUS!!!!!! GOD FUCKING DAMMIT

i’m genuinely so fucking tired of this god who fucking gives a shit of im weird. i’ve been like this my whole life its not my fuckign fault that you didn’t pay attention and don’t remember. FUCK

my step dad’s a fucking dick too i genuinely hate him so fucking much i cant fucking take it anymore. NO!!!! IM NOT GOING TO FUCKING MAKE EYE CONTACT WITH YOU BECAUSE IT MAKES ME UNCOMFORTABLE AS FUCK. “why” because im autistic. “that’s not an excuse” yes it fucking is bitch its literally a symptom of fucking autism. no i AM going to keep calling myself autistic because thats what i am. no its not “putting a label on myself” because im actually fucking diagnosed autistic im not going to pretend it doesnt exist. because i fucking exist. im not going to “beat” my autism by suppressing all of my autistic traits because you want me to. “why?” DO YOU FUCKING HEAR YOURSELF???????

and this guy worked in mental health for 17 years. he worked at a psychiatric hospital for 17 years. he never went to college or learned anything about mental health at all. he thinks he knows more than me about my fucking disability when he says the most outdated offensive shit ive ever heard about autism or DID or schizophrenia. he doesnt listen to a word i say because he’s “older than me and has more life experience” and therefore he automatically “knows more than me and im wrong.” he doesnt listen to anyone actually. he literally says to people not to correct him when he’s wrong because he doesnt like being told he’s wrong to being told what to do or think. he’s “not going to change his beliefs for anyone” even if he knows his “beliefs” are literally just fucking factually wrong or actively harmful. he purposely makes people feel like shit if they stand up for themselves against him. he purposely makes me feel like shit because im the only one in this fucking houses that dares to disagree with the shit he says. he’s a republican he’s obsessed with trump and blasts conservative transphobic racist news channels on the tv right outside my room at night so it keeps me awake and doesnt turn the tv down when i ask because apparently he has hearing problems but has never once got that checked out. he deadnames me and says “because of his adhd he’s not sure he’ll ever remember to use the right name so he’s not even gonna try.” and he says he loves and supports me but is constantly saying the most ableist transphobic shit to me and says he’s just giving me a hard time because he loves me. he has said on multiple occasions with a straight face that “fat people piss him off and they’re the one type of people that he doesnt feel bad for being outwardly hateful and discriminatory towards.” he tries to make me feel guilty for not believing in god. he’s anti abortion. he doesnt want me to get gender affirming care under his roof because he thinks its weird and disgusting and doesnt want me to get a dick even though i have told him a million fucking times i never want bottom surgery and i dont know why this is any of his fucking business anyway. he constantly tells me my online friends aren’t real friends and when he knows i love talking to them he purposely turns the wifi off. he asks me why im acting so weird and i say its how ive always acted alone and with my friends and im just being myself and he says “stop acting like that.” “why. im not going to change who i am for other people.” “well i want you to around me.” KILL YOURSELF IM SO FUCKING SERIOUS. GOD FUCKING DAMMIT I HATE HIM SO FUCKING MUCH

he’s a manipulative bastard and whenever we get into arguments, SOME FUCKING HOW a few hours later were happy and forgiving eachother and im the one saying sorry. he’s an asshole to me and everyone around him, he’s an asshole to my mom. they are constantly fighting but always deny it. i cant fucking take it anymore

sorry for this vent i know people dont follow me to know about my personal life i know i shouldnt say this stuff but i dont fucking care im so sick of this. i woke up this mornign feeling more excited happy and motivated than i have felt all week and it was ruined the second my mom came in my room saying that the way i act (my literal vocal stims) make her think there’s something severely wrong with me. i love her more than anything in the world she’s the best mom ever but what the actual fuck??????? anyway i hate my stepdad and even though i dont believe in hell i hope he fucking burns

[nerves-nebula]

why did your parents homeschool you when they didn't seem to have an interest in teaching you?

Sorry but this ask has me in hysterics cause like,,, I DUNNO, ANON WHY DID THEY????

Ok but fr, from what I can tell it was a mixture of not trusting public education, wanting direct control over what we learned, being bad at teaching kids, and then just kind of getting too busy and giving up. Like our mom did teach us how to read, right? But she kinda got … i dunno, bored?? tired?? Near the end?? So my youngest sister really got screwed in that department and needed tutoring.

I have a lot of memories though where we’d go somewhere like my brothers baseball game and she’d pull out different work books for each of us while starting on a reading lesson with another one of us. So, like, she DID try. I have way too many painful memories of frustrating homework to say that she didn’t try to teach us anything hah. she just didnt teach us very thoroughly, especially about things she assumed we'd just pick up eventually (like time, dates, and months)

Also, my dad is a philosophy professor with multiple degrees who heavily values the education of his children. But I don’t think he’s good at teaching kids, and he didn’t even live with us most of the time. So while he supported the whole thing and would administer science tests (AKA have me read a science text book and then take a test on the chapters I read) he wasn't super involved, from what I can recall.

Wanna know the funniest part tho? Home schooled kids tend to test higher than publicly educated kids. And despite the gaps in our general knowledge and downright educational neglect at times, that’s still the case for me & my siblings.

My brother got insane math scores, I’m talking better than 90% of his peers. And I always scored particularly high in English. my worst subject was math but i never failed anything. i had a breakdown when i got a B in my first ever semester of high school, because to me that was basically failing since my mom said it isn't that hard to get A's :/

my oldest sister has a theory that we're all autistic because we all kinda act like it, haha. which might explain why we didnt realize, cause if all of our siblings are autistic then its just normal to us.

but ALSO: we all have at least one thing we're insanely good at. my oldest brother was fantastic at math (before he self sabotaged but idc about him so whatever). my oldest sister is a wonderful writer and has a fantastic rate of success when she sends out her writing to be published, my other older sister is incredibly smart with math & science and is trying to become a doctor (she also makes all her own clothing and is really good at crafting). i got accepted to every art college i applied to, with scholarships & everything. my younger brother is one of the top football recruits of his year in our entire state. and my littlest sisters skill set is harder to describe, but the gist of it is that she's really good at manipulating people and lying. not sure where she's going with that but she's probably gotten hundreds of dollars of free stuff from people and she enjoys acting. excited to see where she goes cause i genuinely think she could do anything she wants to haha.

ok but now im just ranting about how cool my siblings are. THE POINT IS THIS- as much as I was neglected educationally, I think my parents accidentally did something right: I think they accidentally unschooled us, because our education was NOT as strict as some of the other home schooled kids I met.

my theory is that the neglect/accidental un-schooling kind of led to gaps in knowledge around things i didn't NEED to know to live day to day life (I didn't NEED to know the months or days until I went to public school. before that, I'd just ask mom what day it was, or else just go along with whatever she said we were doing that day)

BUT on the flip side! It also led to me and my siblings basically developing highly practiced skill sets based on our personal interests. and also kept our desire to learn relatively in tact, compared to kids who had the curiosity to learn beaten out of them in middle school with mind numbing homework hahafsdfadf.

OK SO I've clearly gotten away from your original question, anon, apologies but this sparked something in me and i HAD to ramble about my theories.

[roseriot2191]

Entry 1/Introductions

hey!

so i really havent used tumblr before really so im not sure if this is the best place for what im doing but regardless im posting it here

~welcome to my blog~

the purpose is to document my life as a whole but its also my senior year so even more reason to record it!

this blog will be my safe space to spill anything, the good and the bad, of my upcoming life. in all honesty im not sure how well ill keep up with posts or how much effort ill end up putting into them but i will try to update at least once a week for sure.

ok so now onto me :)

hello again! im rose, i use he/they pronouns and i am 17. for anyone wonder, which i dont know why but i guess i can just state it to get it out of the way, im a cis queer guy. i use queer as my label because i very much dislike labels for myself lmao. im attracted to men way more often than not but if the right person for me isnt a guy the im not going to let gender/sex get in the way of love and im not sure pansexual really fits the way i feel. queerness ill say is a part of me but not something i identify with as much as i did in middle school. ill make a separate post about this perhaps. (ill mention that my name isnt actually rose irl and its just my pen name for the blog. i have no reason to be secretive really besides to hide my identity from friends, family and people who think they might know me, especially with the topics i might write about, but also i didnt put too much effort into disconnection rose and myself so if youre one of my irl friends, hi :p ) i am a high school student, but i am mostly taking college classes at a community college. im a photo major! photography is a recent thing that i started basically the same time i started college. i sorta took a leap into photo classes and decided that i might as well major in it since ive always been a creative person and since my high school was paying for my tuition. honestly college has been really fun but its school and sometimes i get burnt out really easily which sucks. ill probably talk about this more some other time. i havent really decided on a style of photography that i prefer yet but this fall ill start a portraiture lighting class as well as a color theory class, both im really excited for.

recently ive found myself changing or perhaps growing into a more typical "teenager" recently. this growth is a drastic change from who i was as a kid and that sort of scares me but i think i like the idea of who i can become. i started taking an interest in cars which sort of came out of know where. it might be because i got my license last december and have been driving a lot more but its also rooted in my ex too. (at the begging of this summer i got into a relationship with this guy who was my first everything, and we also ended it in july which hurt hella but again this is a topic for another post later) he was a total car guy and it was something we were bonding over. he would teach/talk about cars and i listened and started to take an actual interest. we went to a few car shows and it was honestly a prefect date/hangout for us because he liked cars of course but i also got to bring my camera and take photos. definitely something i miss doing. my first car was a 2004 honda pilot. it was a manual and i tried learning how to drive it and i got the gist but ended up selling it and getting an automatic 2006 honda pilot lol. this car ive had since february and its lowkey dying now which pisses me. my grandpa was the one who ended up buying it for me which i appreciate very much dont get me wrong but he bought it off these sketchy guys and didnt get it checked out right away for any problems and now im paying extra money in repairs. currently im trying to save for something more "extra" like a mustang or a bmw or honestly an older honda like a prelude or accord, though on my salary as a host in a small restaurant i have barely $4.5k saved and i started work about the same time i got the 06 pilot. i know these cars are a bit on the pricey side but im giving myself till new years to save for something and if i dont find anything by then, ill keep my money in savings for college after i graduate. (that is with the hopes my 06 pilot lasts me through that long :,) )

so yeah. i work as a host at a restaurant. its my first job and i honestly really like it. i get paid $16.50 an hour and i get tipped out by the waitresses on top of that. on average i make about $500 in a pay period which is two weeks. i wish i had more hours but also i dont. i usually use work as an excuse to procrastinate or completely ignore school work which is really self destructive because i convince myself that im productive but in reality i need to be more focused on school. my work ethic is pretty good though i think. i always say yes if someone needs a cover or if i need to come in ealry/on a day off. after the break up i took a bunch of extra shifts and started taking caterings for longer hours and to keep me busy. in the past 2 pay periods i clocked about 50 hours each and made $850 each. this has again been really nice for savings but not for my summer classes. this pay period i had a double catering and i should clock in about 40 ish hours. ill have one more pay period after this one before i will talk to my manager about scheduling me only friday-sunday and see about scheduling me caterings more rather than hosting since i make more that way. theyre pretty good about accommodating hours/days which is really cool but my manager always complains. i feel bad but also i really shouldnt because i need to do better in school first and i already do so much more than what i get paid for honestly so she really doesnt have any reason to say anything. (especially since we just hired 3 new girls after the summer hires left) all my coworkers love me but also everyone shit talks eachother behind their backs so i always wonder if they say anything about me lol. if they are then they should put that energy somewhere else because how are you guys gonna shit talk a 17 year old when you all are 25+???

my music taste is the opposite in regards to changing drastically. i find myself returning to the music i grew up with and even expanding with similar artists. for a quick family overview my step dad who raised me since i was three was/is a tattoo artist and very much in the punk scene. my mom was in the artistic performance and alternative scene. both these adults raised a very punk baby with all the classics and now like i said, after not really interested or listening to music often for awhile, im back to my roots. this is very comforting however when me and my ex were dating he was a big influence in the reintroduction. so do i corrilate some music to him? yes. does it hurt? im not sure. its very confusing but i listen to it on blast regardless and will most likely have hearing problems by the time im 30 T~T a lot of what ive been listening to on repeat is radiohead which was "our band" and i still think it is. im a very sentimental person and cant/wont diconnect these feelings probably ever. i do this a lot. this time though i havent had the urge to stop listening which is a reliefe because i enjoy the music but also because i think itd hurt me if i found hate or sadness in the music rather than the love and bond we once shared through these songs. something ive been considering is posting a song with every post or at the very least at the end of the week. maybe even a playlist at the end of the month? not sure yet. i think music tatse is something that changes with me all the time so its something worth recording here. oh also i def will post cd hauls here too! i have a small collection started but definetely wanna get more.

lets see i dont read often but my favorite books are alice in wonderland, the warden's daughter, they both die at the end, coraline and currently i am reading solitaire by alice oseman. ive read her heartstopper series and have taken a serious interest in tori's story. for my favorite shows i binge watch shows so often and then forget about them just as fast as i watch them lol. i really like soul eater, downtown, daria, the midnight gospel, the walking dead, initial d, madoka magica, and some others i cant think of right now.

hmm~ i cant really think about anything else to write at the moment, plus ive been typing for awhile and should get to bed, so i think ill end it here.

i dont really expect anyone to read this blog in all honesty but its something i wanna do for myself and if a few people take interest or relate to anything i talk about i think thats enough :)

[merlions]

In college I took a class where at one point we talked about this cool experiment done in a retirement home. The experiment was basically just to let these cute robots wander around, technically remote controlled but made to appear like very basic androids. They found that people were far more willing and likely to talk to the robots about things they didnt feel able to tell their families or caregivers, and the surveyed happiness and wellbeing of the residents went way up being able to practice expressing difficult things or being able to safely confide in some[one].

The explanation, as given, was that humans have trouble being vulnerable while expressing themselves to anything they consider to be unsafe, or that they think they're burdening; and it's extra easy to do so if they feel they're also taking care of whatever they're speaking to. It doesn't even have to be like, confessing things they're scared to admit to or anything, just being able to have dialogue helps.

They said humans have only a few things that fall under this category: seems to need care, and doesn't understand enough spoken language or have enough of a range of emotion to be negatively affected by the content of what is said. So they don't feel they're burdening or ruining this little innocent thing that they need to care for, instead of the other way around. Besides anthropomorphizable robots and pre-verbal infants, the other main thing that falls into this category is pets, which explains why emotional support animals provide more assistance to people than just "is soft, can pet".

Anyways all im saying is that it's pretty cool how people talk to pets. It's an important thing psychologically! (And pets who love you enjoy hearing your voice, even if they don't know what you're saying. Just read an article on how cats only know we're talking to them because of our "cat voice" aka baby talk voice, but that's a whole separate post right there.)

(Also, feral cats literally don't meow - domesticated cats learned to make that sound to imitate human babies so we'd pay attention to them, so if they didn't want us to baby-talk them they could have not done that lmao)

god the way people talk to their pets

like i’m calling myself out here but i just uttered the words “you did the stretch and now the rare and powerful double pets” (two hands at once!!) to my cat without a trace of irony

like i do not believe my cat understands a word of what i am saying but he absolutely knows my voice and i think also my tone? but also all day i’m just randomly looking over at him like “good boy!” or “are you fluffy?” or singing little songs about his current fluff levels. to an animal. a wonderful animal but a creature who absolutely does not speak english and probably only vaguely is like “this creature is communicating with me” when the strange noises come from the person’s mouth

like i just think about this sometimes

i never wanted to baby talk this cat, i dislike the whole “i am a cat mom and this is my baby” thing, he is a cat, i am a person, and yet i just spend all day talking at him. while typing this he rolled over to show off his tummy and i had to restrain myself from saying “you got a tummy?” aloud. and then i did it anyway

(he is indeed in possession of a tummy)