#this is about one particular person who does not know me online and in fact does not 'know' me at all

[max1461]

One thing I will say, now that I've had direct experience with my mental meat severely malfunctioning: drugs are broad-spectrum, and personal exercise of... I won't say "virtue", but choice, can be targeted. I'm not saying that drug addicts can just choose not to be addicted or something, I'm not that naive. What I'm saying is: what are the full mental knock-on affects of dampening one's cravings? If opiate addiction is ruining your life this might be the least of your concerns, but if you're conceptualizing these GLP-1 agonists or any putatively similar drugs as some kind of general purpose "self-control booster", this is might be something you want to think about.

I often get a craving-like-feeling to do math, I'll have this moment where I'm like "you know what would be good right now? One of those group theory problems where you have the orders of a bunch subgroups and you have to deduce the order of the group" and then I'll go look for one online or whatever and solve it. This is, in fact, one of my more consistent motivators to do math, and if those cravings were less frequent I would probably know a lot less. A core part of romantic attraction for me is a craving-like-feeling for my partner; not just in a brute sexual sense but in a more abstract one. To have that lessened would be, from my perspective, essentially my capacity for romantic love being dampened along one of its axes. Would I want that?

When I was a kid, I played a lot of video games. Sometimes I'd play for hours a day. And I really cared about the medium; at that point in my life my ambition was to become a video game designer. When I turned about 16, I abruptly lost the immediate-term desire to actually play video games. I still cared about the medium just as much, I still had lots of thoughts on games and game design, but in a moment-to-moment sense actually playing games was no longer something I wanted to do very often. It ceased to be something I desired in a raw hedonistic sense. It was work. I would sit down to play a game because I was interested in it intellectually, but after 20 minutes I'd get burned out and have to stop. This shift probably altered the course of my life in a huge way—it reshaped something fundamentally about who I was and who I was becoming. I still care a lot about games as a medium, and I'm not in any way torn up that I didn't go down the path of trying to become a game designer. But it does disappoint me sometimes that I can't have anything like the relationship to games that I used to, because my brain has decided they aren't "fun" in that purely hedonic sense anymore.

Actually, this was part of a larger shift in my personality that occurred when I was a teenager, in which I became fairly anhedonic in most areas of life, and as a result shifted away from most simplistically pleasurable activities and towards endeavors that provided a more diffuse, harder to quantify form of gratification. Not because I'm virtuous—but because I'm meat, and the simplistic sources of gratification largely stopped working!

What I'm trying to articulate is something like... yeah, you're made of meat, which means in particular: you are made of meat. When you take a drug that alters your meat, there is a sense in which you become somebody else. And this also happens all the time for reasons you don't control. But that doesn't mean it's good or acceptable in the general case. Sometimes, often, it's bad! Or it's good and bad in ways that are hard to tally. The brain is complex, and, like I said, medications are broad-spectrum. They don't differentiate between the neurons that make you crave a burger and the neurons that make you love your wife, they modulate all the neurotransmitters the same. Actually the bodybuilder Mike Israetel specifically says in an interview somewhere that when he's on steroids, he loves his wife less. It's just physiological. And I believe him.

In the past few months I've had to take lamotrigine for seizures. Lamotrigine is also a mood stabilizer. I don't need my mood stabilized, in fact I rather like my usual array of moods. One of the things lamotrigine evidently does is induce a positive bias in processing of faces—response to angry and fearful faces is lessened, while response to happy faces is unaffected. Sounds great, right? But the visceral response to fearful faces is an important component of affective empathy. You don't want to hurt someone, in part it seems, because your brain has a visceral reaction to the real or imagined sight of their face in fear. Scores on the psychopathy checklist correlate with impaired ability to discern fearful faces, but no comparable impaired ability to discern faces displaying positive emotions. If you can't internalize someone else's fear or sadness, you can't empathize. I know that I don't feel like myself on lamotrigine. Now this is not to be taken as at all scientific; I've got a lot of weird brain stuff going on right now and I don't feel like myself anyway. But in any case, lamotrigine is meant to be one of the seizure medications with the fewest cognitive side effects.

You are made of matter, and messing around with the matter that makes you up can change you in unknown and unpredictable ways. Me growing up to become a linguist instead of a game designer, that reflects a really complex and multi-faceted shift in who I am and how I used my time. And it was brought on by all kinds of things, all sorts of personal development over the years, but a load-bearing component was probably the simple down-modulation of an impulse, a loss of simple hedonistic capacity that caused me to search out radically new uses of my time in my teen years. That shift was endogenous, but certainly a drug could have done it. So my point I guess is that no drug is... what word am I looking for, "apolitical"? That's not what I mean. But I'm saying something conceptually similar to what people often mean when they say no technology is apolitical. Except instead of the body politic I'm talking about the body itself, the body and mind. Uh. If you take a drug to "increase your willpower", it might turn out that you become someone you wouldn't have chosen to become, in ways you never even considered. You might be fine with that or you might not. But it's not so simple as taking the person-you-are and turning up a willpower knob, it's never that simple. I think a sort of techno-pessimism towards this notion of a miracle drug is very warranted.

Last week's WITH was about the pursuit of treatments that might do for addiction what GLP-1 agonists do for cravings for food, and the guest had an interesting point about how you can have phenomena with very complex causes (the main examples here being opiate addiction and the general rise in obesity) that do not require you to untangle or address those causes in order to procure solutions. Like, is addiction a disease, a social ill, a product of trauma, a failure of willpower, or all of these things?

It doesn't necessarily matter! It turns out that "craving stuff" is a pretty basic neurological feedback loop and it may be tractable to pharmaceutical intervention. Heck, GLP-1 agonists may be that intervention: people have reported (and clinical trials are being conducted to study) that these drugs, among their many effects, simply blunt cravings, to the point where people have as a side effect of taking them for diabetes or weight loss also found they helped cut down on drinking, or gambling, or using other drugs.

So even if GLP-1 agonists don't have all the miraculous effects reported (there are some reports they may be effective as an Alzheimer's treatment!), it would be crazy if we have discovered a drug that allows us to better marshal our faculties to decide which cravings to give in to, a drug that simply imbues us with self-control. And I think that's really interesting, because it's an outright clash between two ways of seeing the world: a moralistic one in which virtues are the product of individual decisions, and in which taking a drug to achieve some outcome that "ought" to be a product of virtue might be seen as cheating, and one that reminds us that, for better or worse, we are meat, and all our complex behaviors arise as the result of the state of the meat that we are--and from which view, refusing to acknowledge the mutability of your meat in aid of achieving your goals, or even broader social benefit (addiction is really bad and there very few good options to treat it), is simply goofy.

But a lot of people's reaction to the existence of GLP-1 agonists--or for that matter any medical intervention for things which are moralized as willpower problems--includes contempt founded on being wedded to that moralizing framework. I think a lot of moralism develops as a response to conditions of existence being imposed on us that are objectively pretty miserable, and that when we discover the occasional intervention that liberates us from that pretty restrictive framework, our attitude should be one of jubilation: hear, O ye people, that what was long believed to be an implacable trade-off of human existence is no more. But I think a lot of people's reaction is to double down: I had to suffer, or someone I know had to suffer, therefore you ought to suffer as well, or else our suffering has no meaning.

[nbclover]

Christianity bothers me because it feels like a group of people toting love as their identity while simultaneously holding a belief in divine punishment for whatever they/their group agree is not worth loving. I don't want to be saved. I want you to shut the fuck up and either love me or don't. This is about you. You are not telling me to be better because you love me but because you love the idea of fixing someone. You get satisfaction from your faith which I find disgusting because just by my mere existence I am damned in your eyes. You don't know I'm damned. Why on God's green earth would I tell you enough about myself for you to know this. I'm not stupid. If you truly believe in a judgement day, let's leave the judgements for then.

[befemininenow]

It may be a week late, but I hope your Valentines was amazing this year. Here's a little throwback from Escafa (aka Spawnfan) of DeviantArt fame. (If only transitioning was that easy.)

Created back in Valentine’s 2013 as an MTF transformation sequence, it's about a person (in this case, a man) who has a crush on a tomboyish girl. Unfortunately for him, she's a lesbian and does not like men. What the girl on the right doesn't know is that the person presenting as a boy has the ability to turn into a girl. Their female equivalent is a blonde bombshell and the shocked tomboy falls for her. The last panel shows some form of affection for the new lesbian couple.

At the time I saw this post, it was definitely a hot favorite of mines since I was really into MTF genderbending. 11 years later, however, my opinion on this piece is conflicted. Don't get me wrong: the girls are cute, especially the pretty blondie, who is definitely trans girl goals. However, there’s three problems with this piece:

Is the transformed girl transgender? Do they identify as a girl? What if they’re genderfluid, bigender, or even non-binary?

What are the chances this relationship may get impacted if the person in the left switches between genders based on their mood?

As cute as it seems that the left person will do anything to make the tomboy girl so happy, this piece is also part of the MTF transformation genre, which can be off-putting for some due to it’s fetishized and/or kinky nature.

I still think this is one of the better MTF TG transformations since the left person transformed themselves by choice and not by force (the latter is very common on those transformations). Yet, I can’t help but envy the transformed girl for her pretty looks and cute outfit. If only transitioning was that easy.

These were the kind of pieces that I was into before figuring out I was trans myself. This particular line art became one of Escafa’s most popular pieces and one of the most popular MTF TG transformation pieces. In fact, the one you see here is a vector repaint from another DeviantArt artist named P@ntied-Princess (their account is deactivated).

The ones you see online are reposts in ranging quality from good to really pixelated. This one, however, is not only the highest quality post I found, but it’s the one I saved from the original account. I had to use an image search engine and digital archives to find it. I’ve seen a few caption edits of this art throughout my searches, but they’re not in the best quality. Maybe with this repost, there could be some better editing to match with today’s time. Anyways, happy belated Valentine’s Day!

Original art tracing belongs to Escafa (aka Spawnfan). Vector painting done by P@ntied-Princess.

[lukolabrainrot]

Calm theory anon here again!! Lord knows I'm exhausted of this little girl but I wanted to touch on what all we have seen since Italy Birthday trip and Lukes recent like. 1. It was reported by someone who took a photo with Luke at the airport that he was alone. Meaning he flew back by himself. Rumor that he left two days before 2. We got radio silence from the group for a while. 3. Rory unfollowed sienna then it was reported on by the fan pages and then he followed her back. 4. Sienna unfollowed Jack Vine (this is the guy that Luke stays with when he didn't have a house) then it was reported on by the fan pages and she followed him back. The last couple days she's unfollowed him again. 5. Charmaine reposted on TikTok about NDA👀 6. Rory takes a trip with his mom. 7. Sienna likes a post of Hannah Dodd and Nicola from fashion week. 8. Sienna hasn't liked any type of photos of A since early August nor did she like that last Luke post. Now with all this information I'm sure we all can come up with some conclusions. I do think that Luke set up some type of NDA which in my opinion was necessary. We have to remember that Luke's management team is actually a very well-known and establish team this was told to me by people in the PR field. He doesn't have newbies. Now I'm sure that pissed a lot of his friends off. It made them keep quiet about things that they might not have wanted to be quiet about. We clearly see something going on. Now Luke liking A stuff. it was 10 1/2 hours after she posted on her grid with a story posted after four hours of the photos being live. Now the posting to her stories of the grid picture is a new thing. That didn't start till after Italy. What does that tell me? She knows that his notifications for her has been probably turned off. So in order for him to see her photos, she would have to post it in her story which he most likely watches those. This particular photo wasn't liked until after Nicola posted at the concert. I don't believe in coincidences. He got a notification that Nicole posted. Then he went online afterwards watching Nicola story. Now who to say it's not part of his NDA that he has with her that. But as I was thinking about all of this today, one of the interviews that Nic and Luke came to mind. When they were discussing red flags. And one of the questions was keeping up with an ex. Nic said something like I feel that how you speak of your ex says a lot about you or something like that. Remember, Luke listens to every single thing that Nikola has said. She's the one person in this world that he remembers how they met down to the chairs they had sat on. So he would remember stuff like this. So it could be an NDA thing or it could be him trying to be civil with his ex. Regardless of the like which does not tell you anything. The only thing that tells me is she is desperate for that like. She has to put it in her story so that he will see it, she wants that like so bad that she's doing something she never had to do before. Why does she want the like so bad? Because she can control the fandom. Every time Luke likes this girls picture people spiral. it's like on a photo. He's not commenting on it. He's not giving her heart eyes. He's not sharing it to his stories. He liked the picture. We don't know the reason why and we will never know. All I'm saying there is a lot going on BTS that's clearly evident by how they're all moving. We just gotta wait for Nicola to speak more. Remember, her voice should always outshine this girl's voice. Nicola has given us all hints that something more is happening. Let's trust her please

As always, love your thoughts and theories!

Here are some additional theories/thoughts I have about the SM events from today. Disclaimer: These are just my thoughts and interpretations based on all the publicly available information I have seen recently. So please do not take this as 100% fact!

N didn't post her Chappell Roan story until almost midnight her time

L THEN preceded to like A's post approximately 30 minutes after N's CR story- which at that point was technically the day AFTER A made her post

So my little delulu theory is that N went home to L after the concert with her besties, they cuddled up and caught up, N posted her story, this made L log on to IG and prompted him to do his obligatory like of miss A's post after seeing A's story

Some additional notes/thoughts:

Even if N DIDN'T go home to L, all of the available information Calm Theory Anon and I have laid out here tells me this. L DOES NOT HAVE NOTIFICATIONS ON FOR A AND IS NOT PAYING ATTENTION TO WHAT SHE IS POSTING. L IS DOING THIS WITH N THOUGH.

He also liked A's post within a really short time of N's CR story. Now, the only thing this definitively says is that L/N were on their IG accounts around the same period of time. But this was around 12:30 AM their time. It was pretty late at night, and like it's just an interestingggg coincidence if L/N were separate and just both getting on SM around the same time at that time at night. We also know N tends to go on SM when she is getting ready for bed (N has said this). And she posted the CR story around the time she most likely was getting home from the concert. I think there are just a lot of signs/clues pointing that L/N were together around midnight their time. And L was NOT at the CR concert, so that means she would have met up with L AFTER the concert. And if she was meeting L after the concert at that time at night, they were probably with each other the rest of the night. So this is what leads me to believe that N went home to L OR L got the notification for N's story and got on SM and saw A's story. The timing of it all is just very interestingggg to me 🤔

Lastly, A had to essentially BEG L for this like. Why does L still have to like her posts? I have no definitive answer. My thoughts are it's some sort of contractual agreement. Regardless, these likes have no direct indication of L/A's relationship BTS. If I look at the full picture of EVERYTHING, all the signs indicate that L/N are spending more time together (or just since August decided to start publicly hinting to the fandom that they are spending a lot of time together). And all the signs point to L/A not being on good terms, and that there was some sort of rupture in L's friend group around the Italy bday trip.

These are just my thoughts though. What does everyone else think?

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Hey there sex witch! This one might be a little bit out of your wheelhouse, but I don't really have anyone else to ask 😅 and this seems mostly relevant to what you talk about.

So recently I (a very shy person for a long time) have gotten pretty active in some fandom discord communities, and I've been making a ton of friends. Which is great because I used to have social anxiety to the point where I could barely talk to people, especially online. The problem is that my new friends are all VERY horny, all the time. Which, great for them, I don't really feel the same way. They're also very interested in ERP and other varieties of e-sex and often ask if I want to join. I really don't, but it's fine that they're into that. One guy in particular is really starting to freak me out though. He's a semi-popular creator and a mod on one of the servers. He's becoming a pretty good friend of mine and I play online games with him and others a bunch. He, like the rest of the crowd, is also very horny all the time. He often makes sexual comments about me, sometimes very graphic ones. Stuff like telling me to take my clothes off IRL while on call with him or saying stuff like "I want to fuck you until you cry" or just dming me asking if I want to have sex with him. Sometimes he notices that his comments make me uncomfortable and he did reach out to sincerely apologize for it once, but he hasn't changed his behavior a whole lot.

The big thing that worries me about him is the fact that he's 28. I'm 18, just graduated high school. He knows this about me. He does a very good job of keeping his server 18+ and would never make a sexual comment about a minor, but is still comfortable doing sexual things with people ten years younger than him. Another thing is that even though I've told him I already have a boyfriend, he assumes I'm in an open relationship even though I never told him I was. My boyfriend also says this guy kinda freaks him out and that he's a little worried about me.

I know that age gaps between older people can be perfectly healthy and problems arising from them vary pretty heavily from person to person, but I'm not entirely sure if this is ok or not. This guy doesn't want to hurt anyone. Have I probably just not properly expressed my boundaries with him? It's not like he's targeting me or anything, he acts this way with basically everyone. I'm torn on what to do, he's still my friend and I like him otherwise. Should I just keep laughing it off? I am uncomfortable but I guess it's not a huge deal to me. Should I stop talking to this guy?? Help??

🐟🐟 So I can find this quickly if/when you answer it

hi 🐟🐟,

this guy fucking sucks and needs to be banned from interacting with maybe anyone until he learns what "no" means. literally every individual thing you've described him doing would be alarming in it's own, but altogether this man is a walking collection of red flags. this is not your friend and this is not a guy who cares about your boundaries or well-being; this is a man using his fandom clout to sexually harass you (and likely others). him being ten years older than you isn't even really the biggest issue here; all of this would be shithead behavior even if you were exactly the same age.

get out of there, double fish.

[hetaherr]

playing video games with them | anemo boys <3

: kazuha, xiao, venti, wanderer

:mostly crack, a little suggestive but no warnings

well anyway this is another reupload!! added kuni’s part also got lazy to proof read its just a headcanon anyway!!! i play wayy to much video games and id love to share my hobbies with these sweet babies <3

kazuha

i think this baby is a really chill gamer, he enjoys the cozy aspect of video games. thats why i think games like minecraft, stardew valley, animal crossing and the sims!! cozy video game dates are a norm for you guys when its too hot outside or too rainy.

imagine playing stardew valley with him, curled up under the covers with your MATCHING SWITCH CONSOLES. you guys working through the first few years of the game as little farm people doing little farm things. he’d even find some helpful guides online so you guys can maximise your finances in the game. honestly i can see how he gets a little petty at the fact that you MARRIED some npc in the game and he had to watch the whole cutscene while you joked around that he hadn’t given you enough attention and this was all his fault. now kazuha hates that particular npc, and he’s definitely pouting the whole night. give him lots of smooches, tell him that no video game code can replace your pookie wookie baby boy <3

but there, of course are other ways you can make up for it, like asking him to marry you- in animal crossing duh!! he’d take this whole thing very seriously obviously, its a wedding silly. he’d prepare a little wedding venue in his world by the beach, even going as far to design a cute little tux. it’s adorable, also don’t think for a second that he wouldn’t give you a kiss (giggling after) when the wedding officiant says you may now kiss. i also can picture kazuha buying you a promise ring irl , with a maple leaf engraved onto it. yes it was a animal crossing wedding, but it was YOUR WEDDING non the less.

another thing i can imagine is while you were playing the sims kazuha would 100% ask to create a little family with you. he’d even help to go “shopping” online for CC that would fit your characters or homes. kazuha DIES A LITTLE inside as you carefully curate each of the characters, spending hours deciding on the perfect outfits, hairs and personalities. coming up with mini fantasy stories about the mini yous and giggling along with him when they get a little too absurd. your cute family consists of you, kazuha and a little white cat. kazuha likes watching you get a little flustered whenever his character flirts with yours, sending a romantic haiku your way. not to mention the first time your character’s woohoo’ed he teasingly said:

“its honestly a shame that they’re the only ones that get to woohoo you know?”

anyway kazuha is 100% down to try as many games as he can with you, playing games with him is 10 bells out of 10 bells hehe

xiao

gamer xiao… yea he kinda scares me. xiao plays shooter games for sure, like obviously he’s had an eboy valorant phase but lets skip past that for now. its definitely more than normal to hear him grumbling how “dogshit” some of his teammates are. he’s definitely muted from chat on several games, also banned from league most of the time from being toxic in the chats.

playing competitive games with xiao is definitely an experience, and it definitely does not feel like the stereotypical pocket sage and hyper-carry jett. so please proceed with caution. the first time you and him played together, he may have gotten a little TOO HEATED and may have cussed you out on accident forgetting it was his loving, doting and caring partner who just wanted to participate in one of his hobbies. xiao doesn’t mean to get angry at you, please bare with him when the words “how is this person so fucking bad, how are they SO USELESS JUST GET OFF THE GAME DUDE” slip out. and oh boy… xiao immediately regrets his words, he feels so bad. he was actually overjoyed when you asked to play with him, even if he doesn’t actually show it, now he definitely assumes that you won’t ever want to play games with him EVER, hell maybe you want to break up. he’s spiralling. he apologises so much and he’s so awkward and so fidgety. its hard to stay mad at him, when he’s like this you have to admit he’s a little cutie. the next few days he’s definitely cautious and on edge around you, he finds it weird that you let go of the situation so easily and just moved on. he cant believe he let such vulgar words be thrown towards you. so after a conversation about his behaviour, you both decide maybe its best you just be an observer. you’re more than happy to straddle him, chin on his shoulder when he plays at his pc. and xiao LOVES IT, there is honestly nothing more comforting than you give him a little kiss when he starts to get a little too tense. occasionally when you face the screen and watch his games, he gets so nervous to play well. and xiao absolutely DIES when you compliment his abilities. bro needs the praise please, in that moment he thinks you’re so sexy and you have such a caring soul and his ears are tinted so red. don’t tease him though, he won’t be able to play the game properly.

another thing xiao is so weirdly good at is arcade games. i can picture arcade dates and xiao is just godly at them, claw machines, those basketball ones, car racing- you name it sweetheart and he’s earning those tickets like he needs to feed his 20 kids as a single dad. xiao acts so nonchalant about it, shrugging his shoulders as if this talent of his isn’t a big deal, but inside he’s so proud that he’s managed to get you that plushie he knows you’d been eyeing the whole day. he loves the way you grip onto his biceps pulling him to another machine to test his abilities, he may grumble about you overreacting but he’s so happy just to see you smile. and having you cheer him on the side is such an added bonus, you’re such a cute cheerleader. anyway i rate xiao a “please dont scold me baby im trying my best” out of “FUCK YOU FUCKING SUCK”

venti

horror games. literally venti HATES THEM but he cant get enough of it. playing phasmophobia would be so incredibly fun, but also a total shitshow. like im talking him making you do all the work while he intentionally provokes the ghost. at the same time he’s too scared to do anything so, he’s always really close to you. so if anything ever happens, you’d be a total idiot to think he’d try to help you, venti would be the first one out the door and running away. venti is also so horrendously LOUD, literally half the time instead of getting spooked by the game, your having a heart attack inducing jump scare from his random screaming. don’t even get me started on roblox horror games, every week there’s some new game he discovered on tiktok, and you are playing it with him, you have to.

another game venti loves to play is sims, but he’s about 100 times more chaotic compared to kazuha. he loves those ridiculous challenges and he wants to have like 10 babies with you, and then proceeds to cry when they are taken away from the sims version of cps. for some reason he has all the packs and likes to screw around with everything. he makes silly little bets with you in any game, for example in the sims he’d bet with you whether your 23rd child is going to be a boy or girl, most bets are harmless like a kiss or cuddles, unless he’s in the mood.

speaking of intimacy, venti needs to be holding you while playing games. arms linked, lying on your lap or you in his, honestly you just let him because he’s so cheeky about it anyway. venti also loves playing music related games with you, duh!! karaoke, guess the song, finish the lyric. ANYTHING!! whether you can sing or not, he just loves to hear your voice, definitely teases you if you cant though hehe. karaoke is so fun, if your shy he definitely eases you into letting lose and breaking out of your comfort zone, duetting with you is something he loves because music is his passion and honestly it hits so close to home for him. you’d often find him squeezing your hand as a form of encouragement.

im rating venti a solid 8 red bulls out of “i’ve already had 15”.

wanderer

this little emo baby is 100% only ever playing single player games, things that are extremely grindy and super lore heavy (bro is on subreddits looking at game theories and conspiracies, he would love to talk to you about them if you ever asked)!! im talking about bloodborne, doom, assassin’s creed and dark souls. he hates online multiplayer games because he doesn’t want to interact with “idiots” as he’s mentioned numerous times. so unfortunately its not often that you have a chance to play any type of multiplayer games with him.

however when it comes to his gaming sessions, he’d subtly invite you to come watch him because you’re like his own little streaming audience, and he loves it. the way you comment about how cool his character looks, or ask questions about gameplay mechanics. he loves how you involve yourself in his hobbies, it turns him to mush. he also loves how you play with his hair while peeking over his shoulder to look at the tv screen as he taps away at the controller. sometimes when the game gets a little boring he notices how your breath bounces off his neck, needless to say, those nights end up a bit more differently than how you originally imagined.

also if your ever interested in the game, kuni would “hesitantly” offer you to play on a new save file. but he’s actually elated that you’re going to try his FAVOURITE video game ever. you take your place in his lap as he explains to you the basics, not many would notice but you can ever so slightly hear the excitement in his voice. kuni complains about you being so lost but he’s so careful with explaining certain things, he’s also so patient as you take hours designing your character, well he’s okay being patient since its you. kuni absolutely DISSOLVES when facing a difficult boss, puzzle or obstacle, you kinda go into a slump against his chest and beg him to help you get past it. he snickers that your so weak, but somehow he manages to get through so swiftly- i guess he needs to show off a little to you. he also may complain a lot but thats just how this baby boy is, dont get discouraged he actually thinks you’re so cute.

also if you ever find yourself playing overcooked, moving out, gang beasts or any of those party games with kuni… good luck, just because he doesn’t like competitive games like valorant, DOES NOT MEAN HE ISNT COMPETITIVE. he gets so worked up and its honestly a little cute if you can look past the crusty white dog behaviour. if you do end up getting into an argument over these games, dont be surprised. im lazy to give a rating so im giving him 10/10, again minus the crusty white dog.

edit: if you saw “anyway wanderer is a straight” HAHA i apologise maybe thats why i should straight proof reading oops hehe

[diaprincess-dl]

First of all, thank you for who you are, and especially for choosing to share it with the world.

I am DL, with very few AB tendencies, if I understand correctly, you are also like that, with a connection to the DL world mainly.

There are very few women in the community in general, and in particular those who are DL. It's really refreshing to see that the first girl I notice that she's DL, she's also the most amazing beauty I've ever seen wearing diapers, and with a face that has real angelic cuteness.

I wanted to ask, and I would be very happy if you could answer, Even if not a complete answer, at least to know that you read and saw what I wrote, it will be very, very flattering to me.

When did you start wanting to wear a diaper? Is it sexual? If so, at what age did you realize it was related to sexual arousal? And if not, what in your soul makes you want this? At what age did you first put on diapers after initial weaning from diapers? And according to the fact that you had, from what I understand, late night wets, did your parents force you to wear a diaper? And when was the first time you put on a diaper in a section where it was clear to you that it was a so-called 'forbidden act'?

Sorry for the flood of questions.

I had a theory that was destroyed because of you, that these are only men can be a DL, because the sexual sensation associated with diapers somehow comes from stimulation and friction of the genital organ at a very young age in a diaper, which causes the brain to develop something very primitive to want a diaper, something that, technically, does not happen with women or should not happen for obvious reasons. And this is the reason that from the very, very basic tests I did, a lot of DL, these are children who were weaned at a relatively late age, 3, 4 and even 5. Then they develop the desire to wear a diaper, and at the age of 13 or so, it develops into something sexual. And that is why women are not DL, because the stimulation is supposed to be a lot more rarer.

One last thing I want to tell you is that the day I see a picture of you with a soaked diaper under your clothes, my day looks like rainbow.

Thank you so much for this!!!

Hiiyaaa 💕👸🏼

Thank you for such a kind message 🤗 I am definitely more into the DL side of things, you are absolutely correct but I do love some aspects of the AB side, I just don’t tend to share them online as much.

So I just started kindof dabbling in the world of diapers a few years ago, but had been wetting my pants and bed (some accidents, some on purpose) for literal years before I discovered the idea of wearing diapers… When I was a teen I went through phases where I would wet my bed like every night on purpose and then try to hide the evidence in the morning from my parents 🤦🏼‍♀️ they mentioned things a couple of times, but nowhere near the amount I was actually wetting the bed… they probably knew though lol.. l I definitely have a watersports kink, absolutely 🙊. Anyway I felt so silly for not thinking about the idea of using diapers sooner but diapers just never occurred to me lol. A few years back I saw my first porn video with another girl in a diaper and I was just in awe and had to try it myself 🤭.

Slowly I started to indulge more and more into blogs and personal ab/dl blogs to the point that I just kindof gradually mentally got myself in a space where I thought that I could try wearing diapers more often, which started off as just at night (when I was 26 to answer one of your questions)…. But somewhere in this phase I realized the convenience aspect of wearing 👀.. I could actually go through a full night in bed without having to get up to pee, so what started as a kink lead to discovering more than just that. I started wearing diapers all night, every night and just got used to waking up and wetting them, but this slowly, and I do mean slowly, about a year of wearing every night, turned into me starting to barely remember waking up to wet and eventually just flat out not remembering/not waking up and wetting myself most nights of the week. This was kindof scary but also turned me on? 🤷🏼‍♀️🤭 sooo I just kept doing it.

Here’s where the “convenience” aspect let me start wearing during the day: long road trips or long days out with my partner meant there was no real good spots to stop for the restroom all of the time. Things like concerts or big gatherings where there is drinking and long lines for the ladies room… I started wearing diapers to some of these things, not much as first but when I’d go back to not being diapered and have to suffer waiting in line, or waiting for a pit stop.. it was those moments that I seriously realized how much better it was being padded 💡 It was a little scary at first wearing diapers in public, especially wetting them.. also especially because I typically wear leggings or short dresses, so there is always some way that it can be seen. I’ve slowly just started to realize most people don’t care what you’re wearing for underwear, especially strangers. Friends on the other hand… 😬🫠 I know that some of my friends have noticed my diapers. I’ve had friends over for wine nights and forgot (on multiple occasions) to throw away my night time diapey and it was folded up on the bathroom floor and two of my friends went in there before I had went in and noticed. I’ve had a leak while waiting for a cab with my other friend and it was just us waiting outside in the quiet and I know she could hear the leaking onto the pavement. I also have multiple pictures on here of a diaper(s) I was wearing for while we were all hanging out…. So like all that and many other random occasions I’m sure lots of my friends know I wear diapers, I’m just waiting for someone to say something 🙊🙊 but part of me knowing they know, secretly turns me on? I’m super weird 🫠

So anyway since I knew there was a really big and accepting community out there for this, I finally got the courage to make a blog on Tumblr. It actually just started out as a personal blog for myself to be honest. Just a place where I could document my progress and share this side of me, for pictures I could go back and look at… I had no idea it would blow up like this. 😳 but I am extremely grateful and happy about it 💕💕

I wear diapers all of the time now, and am 100% nighttime bladder incontinent, and daytime at this point of a year wearing diapers 24/7 and NEVER trying to hold it….. I’m like basically there for daytime incontinence. 2 years ago I could totally hold it for hours like any other girl, but now I legitimately need diapers to keep me ‘dry’. I did it all to myself and part of me can’t believe it, but most of me is really happy I did it to myself 💕

[reblogandlikes]

Self insert Fandom

I've come to realise that most of the toxicity within the acotar fandom is often rooted in a ridiculous amount of self insert. They see a character as them, therefore their actions are absolved. They see another character in their abuser, or worse, 'as' their abusers and so they can never be impartial towards them, thinking the worst because in real life they've dealt with a lot.

I get it. Art can sometimes mimic reality, but they are indeed forgetting that this is a whole fantasy fiction book about human women turned fae getting dicked down with a hint of war and political intrigue. These characters are not, in fact, you or your abusers. Making the series so personal to themselves can then lead to a lack of introspection of the work as a whole made to be enjoyed and critiqued to the readers' preference, whether shallow or in depth.

But because this fandom in particular seem to make these books so personal than reading it as a piece of fiction, they're inflicting real world scenarios onto fictional characters and if their characters face any backlash or reasonable questioning, they take it as a personal attack which for some reason leads to insults and wild assumptions of very REAL people.

"No, no one is saying you should forgive your abuser mum, boyfriend, sister, because this literally isn't about you. I dont know you or your situation. Im talking about *insert character*."

"No, I don't think reactive abuse is OK, though I also don't believe lying about SA is OK either, let alone condoning SA."

"What do you mean it's abusive to lock someone up and then make an excuse to say it's not abuse to lock someone else up?"

The mental gymnastics is truly outstanding. If they're so called morally grey, let them be just that.

Speaking for myself, it's easy to find some commonality in a characters personality. It's written by a whole human who has a personality too, after all. But I do not attach myself to these characters as if they are my family members or those dear to me. They are, in fact, not real, and I will talk about them in the context of a fantasy text, generally.

Now the moment you take their actions out of a fantasy text, every character, and I mean, every character, needs to be dealt with the same scrutiny. Your faves will be called out and dragged. You cannot call real people names, but then think highly of yourself when your faves have done worse. What does that then make you? A racist? A misogynist? An AS denier? An abuse apologist? Someone who endorses apartheid? Someone who's OK with controlling the female body? A war criminal?

You see how absurd that all is?

Honestly, it's not that deep. But again, it's not bad to see yourself in character. Just realise that when people have some reservations about them, they are not calling YOU out. They are strictly talking about that character and that character alone. But maybe if you find so much offence, perhaps you should think about why that is. Look deep and figure out why it troubles you so much. Perhaps they're holding up a mirror, and you simply can not bear to look into it, seeming that that character represents you so much.

I think this is the only fandom I've been involved in where simply daring to disagree with the main MC and side characters can lead to online prosecution and just so much hostility. I've seen some truly nasty comments, and it's boggling. I can imagine how off-putting it may seem to newer readers.

I long for the days when people can talk about the characters and narrative alone without feeling the need to make disclosures about what they support in real life because it's truly unnecessary. I thought reading fiction was meant to be a form of escapism, not defending my moral standpoint.

If I said I enjoyed Katherine Pierce, Klaus Mikaelson and Kai Parker from TVD, what then? They're despicable, but fucking enjoyable. Don't get me started on Game of Thrones characters.

Alright, I'm done now 😅

[effervescent-experience]

On the TikTok Ban

Hello, everyone. This is not my usual content. However, as a leftist and someone who has been on the app for a while, I feel that I should address the potential TikTok ban on January 19th and why it doesn’t sit right with me at all. 

I believe that the ban is bad. This is somewhat of a polarizing statement, but I genuinely think that banning TikTok would be unconstitutional because it would undermine American users’ First Amendment rights by preventing freedom of speech and expression. The ban would eliminate a significant facet of popular culture, limit how people can make money to provide for themselves and their families, and prevent citizens from accessing a major news source (I’m not saying you should get all of your news from TikTok, but it does help to bring surface level awareness about issues so people can go out and learn more about them). Doing this on speculation is wrong and will significantly prevent communication and the exchange of information that has become vital in society. 

Speculation and National Security Threats: 

The concern about TikTok comes from its owner, ByteDance, headquartered in Beijing and is therefore legally obligated to “turn over data to Chinese authorities on request.” This would mean that sensitive information about American users could be directly accessed by the Chinese Communist Party (CCP), which could lead to the spread of deliberate misinformation and more sophisticated foreign monitoring of online activity (Espada and Popli par. 3-5). 

To this, I would respond that there is already extreme amounts of misinformation on TikTok within U.S. borders - sensationalist content without actual evidence is an issue. Especially around elections, natural disasters, or events that may trigger an emotional response, there seems to be an uptick in misinformation and disinformation, as people create false news and others repeat what they see because they believe it to be true. Recently, we have seen this with the fires in California and all of the AI videos. This aligns with my point because any foreign misinformation, political propaganda, or sensationalist content would likely be more extreme than but still comparable to the lies already spread on the app for the sake of garnering more views. I cannot deny that political propaganda is dangerous, nor can I deny that the idea of being monitored is extremely frightening, but skeptics and well-informed audiences will do the work to fact-check such content. 

The Spread of Information: 

Because I am not an influencer, my biggest personal gripe with banning TikTok is that it would prevent easy and immediate access to all types of information. Like the internet, TikTok is an incredibly vast information collection about nearly every topic. Look up anything, and you will quickly find infodumps, tutorials, and a large crowd of people who can answer your questions. I was working on an embroidery project yesterday and needed to know how to do a particular stitch. Within thirty seconds, I had my answer and could return to work, saving much more time than if I had gone to Google or this website to ask the same question. 

It’s much more serious than arts and crafts questions, however. On TikTok, people can better understand important events that people in their “real lives” are not offering explanations for. At least for me, this allows for a much more complete account of the event from numerous perspectives, many of which are likely different than my own. Instead of knowing about the event but only understanding how it impacts me, I can form my opinion with reliable firsthand accounts from others and consider how it impacts everyone, not just myself. As a global community, this is invaluable; understanding each other prevents stigma and the pushing of only one narrative. Banning TikTok would eliminate this, leading to a much less knowledgeable audience and self-centered takes on world events. 

Influencers and Creative Spaces: 

This is also an extremely concerning facet of the potential TikTok ban for me. Although I am not an influencer, I understand that thousands of people make their living from TikTok and have no other form of income. I support this fully and think it’s great that people can live comfortably by doing what they love. This is why it’s exceptionally alarming to me to think that if TikTok is banned, these people will be wholly cut off from their careers. Digitally or not, that is not fair to do to someone, though society does not care about that. Twitter user (I am not calling it X because fuck Elon Musk) Spirituali_tea wrote, “So who’s gonna tell the Biden administration that some of us have built our literal careers on TikTok, and if it gets banned, we will actually have nothing?”.

TikTok also serves as a source of income for displaced families, people rebuilding after natural disasters, medical bills, and everyday necessities. For those who say that these creators should “pull themselves up by their bootstraps” and get a “real job,” some people simply cannot because they are disabled, homeless, or otherwise displaced or marginalized. It is unfair that we should be so limited in a society so diverse. People rely on this app; if it is taken away, they will be left with nothing. I’ll repeat it: that’s just not right. 

Additionally, people in creative spaces use the app to promote themselves, bring awareness to their content, and make money. Without it, small businesses and creators will likely get less exposure, meaning some people can no longer do what they love. Artists will likely lose the fanbases they’ve built and a source of income. TikToker la.fumettisa shared a video with the caption, “heartbroken over the imminent TikTok ban, loss of community and income for my small business,” and Tiktoker dollrust0 wrote, “I know it’s just a TikTok ban, but it’s hard not to be sentimental about losing what has essentially been my digital diary for years. I felt seen.” TikTok is an essential platform for artists, creative types, and people who, like dollrust0, want to feel seen.

As someone who loves to write and make things but has chosen not to do it professionally, I find this fucked up to the highest degree. Society encourages art yet takes every opportunity to limit it when done professionally. How will artists bring attention to what they do? How many beautiful, amazingly talented people will we miss out on if the ban goes through? I love engaging with people on TikTok, and as a small creator on other platforms, the thought of losing everyone I have met or interacted with makes me unbelievably sad. 

The Potential Power Struggle and Precedent:

Because the legislation around the bill dictates that the app can stay un-banned if it is bought by someone else within a year, there is a potential that someone who has bought other platforms or shown interest in it could buy TikTok, allowing them to control the flow of information in the United States and narrative pushed out to the masses regarding political events, natural disasters, and controversial topics. Like misinformation, there is extreme danger in only one narrative being told. It prevents the varied perspectives I mentioned earlier and allows the people in charge to guide the opinions of American TikTok users (170 million people, by the way) to garner support for their ideals. This is where a ban such as this becomes dangerous and sets a precedent for censorship in that it allows the government to interfere with the speech and writing created by the people.

In a conversation with NBC News, “cyber-diplomat” Chris Painter, who has worked with the Obama administration, says, “If the U.S. was certainly trying to shut down a social media platform or something because they didn’t like what was being said on it, absolutely our moral authority would disappear…it sends the message that this is acceptable…obviously that deserves an outcry (Collier par. 14-16).” The proposed ban directly infringes on the American right to freedom of speech and the press, whether the Supreme Court rules it to be this way or not. If the ban goes through, we will see this again, potentially sooner than we would like. If it can be bought, it is under threat. 

Conclusion:

Again, I must assert that the looming ban on TikTok is terrible for various reasons. I am wholeheartedly against it for the threat it poses to Free Speech and its similarities to authoritarian control tactics seen with fascist governments. TikTok is about more than dancing or brain rot. It is vital to spreading information and interconnection between people worldwide, bringing people together around common interests. People use it to make their lives easier and, in some cases, possible. For the government to make such an issue of one app based on speculation when the threat of large-scale war is immense, California is burning, climate change is worsening, gun violence is rampant, and people are dying because they don’t have the basic resources they need to live is, quite frankly, extremely scary.

It is incredibly disheartening to think that our leaders care more about a “silly dancing app” (TikTok user not_tgg) than all of the loss and devastation in the world. Writing does not seem nearly enough to compensate for what is at risk, but we must be aware of what is happening. I’ll leave you with a quote from whistleblower Edward Snowden: “Your rights matter because you never know when you’re going to need them.”

References: 

Collier, Kevin. "A TikTok Ban Could Embolden Authoritarian Censorship, Experts Warn." NBC News, 17 Mar. 2024. NBC News, www.nbcnews.com/tech/tech-news/tiktok-ban-embolden-authoritarian-censorship-experts-warn-rcna143476. Accessed 12 Jan. 2025.

Espada, Mariah, and Nik Popli. "Why the U.S. and Other Countries Want to Ban or Restrict TikTok." TIME. TIME, time.com/6263851/why-us-wants-to-ban-tiktok/. Accessed 12 Jan. 2025.

I have fact-checked all of the information in here to the best of my abilities and would never deliberately spread misinformation, but please correct me if I missed or should add anything. Feel free to reply, but please be polite, even if we share different opinions.

[spitdrunken]

relationships: robin x reader, sunday & robin, sunday & reader

notes: ambiguous relationships, implied mind control (not with robin/reader)

Robin is pretty particular about the people she wants to date, and has a certain modus operandi. Due to her cross-galaxy fame, it’s pretty much impossible for her to go on dating apps, at least via the usual channels. But she doesn’t want to limit her dating pool to just fellow celebrities, either. Masterful at disguises as she is, during first contact and first dates she has a tendency to hide her real identity, though she would never wait long before revealing herself. Even prior to how famous she is now, she has been burnt in the past by people being interested in who they think she is, rather than who she actually is as a person.

She has a special fondness for romance novels, and spends quite a bit of time discussing them on online forums. Online is one of the places she does not have to worry about how she presents herself, and she can gush in anonymity like anyone else. Thinking of a meet-cute is one of the few unrealistic dreams Robin allows herself, but perhaps she meets you through prolonged chatting online. Starting from your shared interests and underneath fake aliases, before spreading out to subject such as your actual lives and the people around you. Your friend is rather secretive, not giving out her exact name or showing pictures, but you assume it’s just in the name of privacy, until…

You: no waaaaaayyyyy You: where’s the /j?? birdie i swear lmao You: you’re kidding right You: or are you actually being serious?? wait wait ok You: ok if you’re serious. ily girl and no offense but like. send me a picture of you and a note with my username on it or smth? cuz im sure you can imagine it’s kinda hard to believe you’re THAT Robin

And she does! She sends you multiple pictures in fact, in multiple poses, to reassure you that the images aren’t A.I.-generated. When she apologises to you for hiding who she really is, she does it through a voice message, and you can hear one of the most envied voices in the galaxy speak just to you. It’s… Kind of overwhelming? But at the same time, it doesn’t change all that much.

She’s still your friend, who you’ve talked about to your struggles and gushed about your interests to, who always listens and always has a nice word to say. Who, if she has any faults, is always too hard to herself, never seeming to cut herself a break. Who always seems to be asleep at different times, and can disappear for days at a time. You thought she just had a horrifically wrecked sleep schedule, but this would explain that! Maybe it helps that, though you’re definitely familiar with Robin, you wouldn’t call yourself a fan or stan of hers.

When she confesses her feelings for you, it’s over the phone, a rare trembling enter his voice as she carefully considers her words.

“I’ve thought… A lot of times about how to put this. I still don’t really know how,” she says, laughing lightly. “I don’t want to lose what we have now. In my life, you’re one of the few people I can always turn to— Who I can show… Other sides of myself. I’ll just say it. It’s not really as romantic as the books we’ve read, but, I’ve fallen for you. Would you care to meet, sometime? And go on a date? I don’t want to pressure you, or feel like you have to do this. If you’re not interested, I still really, really would like to be your friend.”

There are a lot of conversations to be had when you begin to date Robin. It’s not going to be exactly easy. Not only do you need to be prepared to be put on blast on social media and feature in gossip articles, you’ll have to deal with the fact that she’ll be away on travel most of the time. Including to dangerous places, such as active warfronts.

This is something that, regardless of their love for you or anyone else, is integral to Robin’s life, and one thing she’ll never change. If that is something you cannot come to terms with and this reveals itself during your conversations, you’d be better off remaining friends. You can accompany Robin on certain travels, maybe even all of them, depending on the kind of person you are, but for a long while at least, Robin won’t settle anywhere permanently.

But if you manage to get through all of this, Robin is a wonderful girlfriend. She writes you letters and sends you gifts no matter where she goes, and makes time to call you at least once a day whenever she can. In interviews, she’ll bring you up as one of the people who give her strength, and her face lights up when she speaks of you. At events, she’d enjoy helping you dress up in whatever style you want, and constantly keeping your arms interlinked as you walk around.

While she isn’t all that touchy in public, she’d be clingy whenever it’s just the two of you. Making up for lost time together. Another thing she would enjoy is putting the both of you in increasingly elaborate disguises for public outings together! She has to make the fact she’s nearly always followed around by paparazzi fun somehow.

One of the largest ‘hurdles’ when dating Robin is, funnily enough, meeting her older brother Sunday. She speaks of him with nothing but affection and the occasional tinge of worry (though, when you tell her that she has the exact same kind of habits towards overworking herself, it’s suddenly not so bad after all).

Robin herself seems to have no fears that you won’t meet her brother’s standards, but you have your doubts, really. If your glances over the letters he’s written her are anything to go by, he loves Robin just as much as she loves him, if not even more so. While his approval is important to her, you’re certain that she would never break up with you over it, or anything of the sort. Still… You can’t help but feeling nervous.

Your worries aren’t unfounded. Over a dinner in Penacony’s Dreamscape, Sunday seems to scrutinise you, gaze boring into your forehead. All the time, there is nothing but a gentle smile on his face. Yet, you’ve never felt to be under such a strong spotlight, not even at events accompanied by Robin, walking across massive stages. Your head hurts, but you’re guessing it’s just from the general stress that you’re feeling.

As Robin laughs about the type of meal manifested on her brother’s plate (“An Alfalfa Salad for yourself? I really thought you would’ve gone for something sweeter, brother!”), you shift on your seat in discomfort and attempt to keep small talk conversations going.

Perhaps it’s your mind being tricks on you, perhaps you are ‘spiraling in on yourself’, as Robin sometimes calls it, but you really do believe that this man does not like you whatsoever. When you can’t take it anymore, you move your chair. Its loud scraping breaks up any conversation.

The smile on your face is wobbly. “I’m just going to go to the bathroom for a second. Excuse me.”

Robin puts her hand on your arm. “I can show you where it is? The mansion’s layout can be a bit confusing at times, even though I’ve been here plenty of times myself.”

Sunday, across the table, shakes his head and gets up. “Please stay seated, sister. As the host, it is my duty to guide your… Partner, to wherever they may need to go. Allow me to guide you.”

Somehow, your attempted escape has become a new trap in and of itself. It’s practically impossible to deny to go with him now, though, so you straighten your shoulders, nod, and follow Sunday further into his home. The clacking of his shoes on the marble floor is the only noise keeping you two company as you walk a step behind him. He stops. There is no bathroom, here. Only a giant paint of Robin situated on the wall. She’s smiling. Sunday turns half a circle around and stares at it, hands folded together behind his back.

“You…” he speaks slowly. “Do you think you can make her happy?”

Your head throbs. Your head hangs a little to the side, as you stare at the painting. “I think… When I met Robin, she was already happy. In a sense. She has a purpose. A goal she’ll always keep striving for— No matter what. Chasing that, I think it makes her feel more fulfilled than many people… Like me.”

You slowly shake your head. “So, no, I don’t think just myself could make her happy. But as things are now, she is. I do add something to her life, but… I don’t think the rest could be taken away.”

You stare at Sunday. If there is a thought that hits you now, in the painfully placid nature of his expression, in the manner he has watched you all evening, it is not merely protectiveness that fuels him. In part, it is jealousy, too.

You sway a little on your feet.

“You act as if Robin does not care for you,” you smile wistfully, turning to the painting in turn. “You don’t know how she talks about you, if you aren’t around. I think about it, sometimes. If you and I… Were hanging off of a precipice, and she could only save one of us— I can’t say for certain who she would pick. But if I’m honest with myself, as much as it would pain her, and how much it hurts me to think, I really do believe she would save you.”

You squeeze your eyes shut as the corners of your vision turn blurry. “I— I don’t know why I’m saying any of this.” You press your hand to the side of your head, and drag it down your cheek. “I’m sorry. I don’t think I’m feeling very well.”

“Is that really the truth?” Sunday asks.

“To me it is, I guess.” You mumble. “If you asked Robin, she would answer… That she would find a way to save both of us. No matter the cost. Because that is the kind of person she is. But I can’t seem to think that would be a reality.”

Sunday hums, then turns around you. When he nods, your nausea dissipates, you straighten your back, and whatever stupor you had found yourself in leaves your mind. All at once, shame crashes into you. What the hell have you been babbling on and on about for the past five minutes? When he looks at you now, his gaze is not quite as oppressive as before, though you are not entirely sure how to feel about him.

He lowers his head a tad, ears fluttering. “Thank you for allowing me to understand you better,” Sunday tells you. “You are a different type of person than I imagined you to be— Perhaps you and I are more similar than I believed. Due to my personal feelings, it seems I led my thoughts stray into disharmony. Will you forgive me?” Though the ice has left his tone, it is now as if he has shaved off every edge, covering it all in fabric. It is almost condescending.

But you, honestly, still kind of need to piss. And you’re over all of this, really. “I— Yeah. Yeah, sure. Spirit of harmony, and all that.”

Sunday smiles. “Well, then I believe a reintroduction is in order.” He extends his hand towards you, and you hesitate only a moment before taking it. “I suppose we are family now, too. Know that, whenever life’s troubles seem to be consuming you, Penacony will always opens its arms to you.”

[sgiandubh]

The lonesome fitness girl - really?

This is a story about a nameless female fitness influencer somewhere in the world. She gives the impression of a lonely „ fighter“ in her business and in her life overall.

That is nonsense - she sells her "destiny" very skilfully. I am convinced she is not a lonely woman behind her influencer profile. But that is exactly the impression she wants to convey and she does so publicly with some success.  This is her unique selling point right now and whoever manages or advises her has recognised this very well. In other words, a narrative is created very carefully and very purposefully.  Sounds somehow familiar? 

There are thousands and thousands of fitness influencers, so it is important for everyone in this business to find the niche that generates followers, clicks and in the end it means an income. Simply performing an exercise is not enough. Every click or like on a post or a story generates a few dollars, euros or pounds in revenue.

And an increase in the number of followers by approx. 80,000-100,000 due to a connection to a famous person will raise the income as well. For the record: people like her are so called macro influencer and are a brand. That is a fact - you can find a lot more information about this in various publications by experts in business administration and marketing.

You have to attract attention, something that our nameless fitness girl has done in different ways over the years. Firstly with her partner at the time, later she created the image of a single fitness mum. And at the moment she is promoting the image of a woman who is finding her way back after an illness with a great deal of commitment and determination. 

But fitness girl was legitimately afraid of loosing her income if she was not able to work. And her body is her work. This led probably her and her team to the conclusion that she needed "visible support" at this point in order to continue operating her business model during the recovery.  And her job is being fitness model. No more and no less.

And right on time, a famous actor with a closeness to fitness programmes or probably rather his team came in. Now she seems to get into contact with his presumably more influential and well-connected fitness circles. And, purely by chance, she is building up an online fitness course. All on her own and while she looks after the rest of her business(es?) - and cares for her family. Hopefully she gets enough sleep? Probably not, which is hardly surprising considering her workload with all her duties and work obligations towards her partners. Fortunately, just like in fairy tales, there is a wonderful magic wand for this - Instagram filter.

The story really is getting better and better...

Add some well-planned (sometimes "almost") encounters at various competition venues between the two main characters.

The fitness girl, her business and her story truly seem impressive? Only if you believe in fairy tales.

Too many coincidences at once, it looks like a well established business deal, too scripted? No - just keep it simple to feed the narrative of the "lonely fitness girl"! Or is she "The girl who never sleeps"? Nobody knows for sure.

But she is most likely not the woman she pretends to be...

Dear Lonesome Fitness Girl Anon,

In an ocean of infantile, mendacious, shite-stirring Anons, your submission is absolutely STELLAR!

Whoever you are, I can tell by the ease of your logical deductions that you mean serious business and you are not easy to fool, either. Just what we happen to love, in this particular corner of this fandom.

I am totally thrilled to share with all of us this rare gem, Anon. Especially today.

You are more than welcome to hit this page anytime. It takes a pro to know a pro. Consider me a friend, Anon: you have instantly become one to me, and I bet not only to me.

Everyone, a round of applause for our unexpected guest!

[ryuichirou]

What do you think about Lilia and Idia's chats? I know you ship them but did they affect you in any way?

Sorry for the late reply, Anon!

This is one of those asks that I really went “oh no I have to think about this one properly, this is a very important topic” lol But it’s probably for the best because today is kind of a perfect day for me to write about this particular topic.

As always, I ended up talking a whole lot, so I hope you enjoy reading it. I’ll try not to digress too much!

Short answer would be yes of course it affected me: I’m pretty sure it was one of the main reasons why I started shipping them in the first place.

As someone who crawled out of Homestuck’s cradle (and will stay there forever at least in some capacity), I really love it when characters chat. I think all of us act a bit differently when we’re on the internet, even if we’re trying to be 100% honest, or at least we are perceived a bit differently. And when you have two characters who know each other irl, but also know each other online as different people, and one of them is crushing hard, it creates such an interesting dynamic… so beautiful.

It’s very interesting to see Idia swooning so hard. He doesn’t act that way around anybody else, even people he is kind of close with (Azul is the only example but), which contrasts nicely to his usual snarky antisocial self. I love it a lot when this type of character gets very into someone and ends up being a bit tormented by his own inner demons: he craves to be closer to that person, he wants to spend more time together, but he is scared that the moment he accepts his feeling he’s going to get hurt. He is terrified of being vulnerable, but Muscle Crimson makes him so happy that he just can’t help himself. Idia is so cynical and pessimistic, he already accepted the fact that he’ll stay lonely forever, and yet whenever Lilia appears, he gets hopeful, romantic and longing. Very Megara of you, Idia lol

What doesn’t help is that no matter what Muscle Crimson does, somehow it only makes him more perfect in Idia’s eyes…

For starters, in ch6 Idia said that one of the things he loves most about Muscle Crimson is that he never oversteps and is very understanding of him, and how he is very natural in a way he expresses things. What I’m trying to say is that Idia never feels like he has to explain himself or push himself, like MC always gets it and never pries into his affairs. This is the thing that Idia usually struggles with the most: social expectations, the pacing of a conversation, the arbitrary rules of how two people should communicate; and he doesn’t have those issues with MC whatsoever. It’s very easy for him to talk with MC because the moment this usual obstacle isn’t present, Idia is suddenly very eager to connect with another person. MC is chill, MC is nice, MC is mature and MC isn’t needy. We see it so much with their online conversations, it’s incredible.

I also really love their chats because they very nicely show what exactly Idia wants from a relationship. Whenever I talk about Idia’s ideal type, Idia’s love language, Idia’s anything, I always end up talking about it: Idia loves quality time and sharing things that he loves with others, so the fact that he can play videogames with Lilia is massively important for him, but this isn’t the only thing. In Idia’s dorm uniform vignette (god that vignette is such a feast for a multishipper), Idia gets so excited because MC not only agreed to listen to his favourite band, but also was engaged enough to express that he wants to listen to them! On his own volition! Azul-shi who didn’t even bother to listen to their music that Idia kindly brought to him should take notes!

I’m sorry but let’s take a look at this dialogue (official translation from wiki but I just want to make a point okay):

<Muscle Red>  

Ah, I see. My apologies for not being well-informed on the topic.

<Gloomurai>   

NP! sorry for rambling about something you don't care about lol

Imagine ranting to someone about your oshiis, and instead of being annoyed or politely agreeing with you, the person goes “oh I’m sorry that I haven’t heard about them”. Of course, Idia’s instinct is to pull back a little and to apologise for his rambling and to joke about MC not being interested – not as a jab at Lilia, but as a jab at himself instead for bothering him with unnecessary information.

And instead of just letting the conversation go to some other lane (which would’ve been a bit sad, but ultimately not that bad because Lilia’s initial response wasn’t an annoyed one), for some reason, MC does this of all things:

<Muscle Red>  

Actually, after seeing how passionate you are about them...

<Muscle Red>  

My interest in this Premo group has been thoroughly piqued.

<Gloomurai>   

you're already interested just from hearing me drone on and on?

<Gloomurai>   

you're like the nicest guy. i'd give you 100 rare drops if i could

<Muscle Red>  

Would you recommend a particular song for a first-time listener?

Not only he didn’t get a “ehhh yeah cool”, but he also got a “send me their songs” instead. It’s like Lilia is actively trying to lure this poor otaku boy into his embrace lol But the best thing is that it is so casual and genuine, even Idia-the-biggest-cynic doesn’t feel like he is just trying to be nice about it. And as I always say, despite being a hikikomori, Idia is good at reading people, and someone as insecure as he is would’ve definitely thought that MC was just being nice. But he didn’t, instead he got super excited about it.  The boy is so smitten he’s melting as we speak...

And not only that! When in that exact vignette some shenanigans happen with the website of the band, and Idia gets upset about it, MC is so quick to cheer him up and comfort him. It’s interesting with Lilia because he really is wise and mature, but sometimes he doesn’t quite know what to say to comfort someone?? There are some areas in which he is a bit clumsy, I guess, but it seems like when it comes to Gloomy Samurai, it feels like he knows him super well. How his mind and emotion operates, what makes him upset. It’s sweet that he is very eager to support him and feels genuinely bad for him; we’re even shown Lilia himself in his own room being troubled that his online buddy might get depressed over what happened. It’s just so… sweet?? I don’t think Idia had anyone other than Ortho support him like that before. I’ll talk about Lilia in general in a moment though.

One last thing about this vignette is that I wanted to talk about is this little exchange:

<Gloomurai>   

it'd be so cool if we could meet up IRL...

<Muscle Red>  

Oh? Well, if you wish to meet offline, I'd gladly visit whenever you like.

<Gloomurai>   

oh nonononono, i live in a super remote place rn!

<Gloomurai>   

i'd have to take planes, trains, buses, and boats to go p. much anywhere

<Gloomurai>   

meeting up would be a whole THING...

Imagine Idia fucking Shroud not only having a gaming buddy he is excited to talk to, and not only entertaining the idea of meeting said buddy irl, but also EXPRESSING THIS IDEA OUTLOUD? And once again, he is met with enthusiasm, because OF COURSE MC wouldn’t mind hanging out irl! And the moment he gets that response, he pulls back once again, keeping his distance, being anxious and overwhelmed by the possibility of meeting up with MC. It’s incredibly interesting to see Idia acting this way, and once again it shows just how much he doesn’t want to ruin what they have right now. Let’s be honest, it’s not just the fact that he is in NRC; he would’ve easily traveled somewhere if he needed to, they have portals, for fuck’s sake, although not for personal usage. In this convo Idia does what Idia does all the time in their chats: he dares to express interest in MC’s irl affairs, and then gets terrified that MC won’t like it, or MC will answer and somehow this newfound knowledge will ruin something, or that things will get weird: Idia just doesn’t want to risk breaking this balance between them that is super fragile in his eyes.

I love him being so unsure and anxious. I love him being invested and infatuated, but also being so afraid to get hurt. It’s like Lilia is taming him little by little… which isn’t intentional on Lilia’s part lol He’s just hanging out with the guy he likes to hang out with! And the guy is out there falling in love deeper and deeper with every single one of their chat.

But the thing is, this is still not completely one-sided. It’s just that we tend to focus on Idia during these chats, and Idia is really crushing hard on Lilia, but when we’re shown Lilia’s side in his Suitor Suit vignette, we have a little more info on how he feels.

I find it interesting that after Idia’s little rant about how marriage in-game is a stupid mechanic and that it’s such a pain, Lilia changes his mind about asking Idia if he wanted to get married in-game… for unlocking an achievement of course. Which is SUCH A SHAME because Idia would’ve gone full 180 on this topic and would’ve accepted his proposal so fucking hard lol After learning just how much Idia pulls back and rambles, the whole thing really feels like Idia thinking that someone like MC would never ask him for something like this, and how suggesting it himself would’ve been stupid: what if MC thinks that he’s weird or clingy or cringe? So he threw the ball to Lilia’s side of the court so aggressively, that Lilia just figured that Idia hated the idea in general and didn’t want to play with him at all… SUCH A SHAAAME.

But still, it shows that Lilia also doesn’t want to make Gloomy Samurai uncomfortable. Not from the place of extreme shyness, but from the place of loving hanging out with him and not wanting things to become too complicated.

But also!! It’s so interesting to compare the way they act and type. Lilia is so proper with his lack of emoticons, but he is still playful with his comments from time to time. So reliable, so mature, of course Idia’s mental portrait of Muscle Crimson is “older man who may or may not have a family and may or may not be a proper businessmen” lol The boy is talking to someone else’s husband and dad in his head… I also love moments during which Lilia just goes “oh yeah I used to wear armour for work” and Idia just assumes that he’s joking around. I want to see more of their chats ahhh! And I want the big reveal!!

On a personal note (you don’t have to read that part lol), I have my own sentimental reasons to be so into this whole thing. It feels very nostalgic because the whole dynamic, the situations, even the typing style to some degree, it all feels very similar to what we went through ages ago. I won’t point at Lilia and say “he’s just like me for real” because I definitely wasn’t as slick as him at the stupid age of 16, but I did try to have this mature image back then lol But also, just like Lilia, seriously underestimated just how much that antisocial sweetheart I enjoy talking to a lot is into me.

Those early stages of the growing and blossoming relationship, moments of pulling back, showing initiative, trying and being insecure about all those things: I can see it in them, especially in Idia. Since I was technically the Lilia of the situation, I feel such warmth witnessing those early steps in Idia, his crush and his doubts about the whole thing. It’s like… flirting, but not quite? Some other style of flirting that isn’t really noticeable until you really look at it. Since I myself was quite dense back then and, once again, didn’t notice a crush (that I was told about btw) for quite some time, I feel especially sorry for Idia and his pains LOL But also, especially hopeful~

It’s precious. I could’ve written something edgier or sexier but ultimately I feel like it’s very precious, at least to me lol I really love these two. And this is why I’m writing this post today of all days. Very sneaky of me.

Anyways, thank you so much for your question, Anon <3 I love these two a lot.

[misscammiedawn]

"Your mind makes it real"

So I was watching the new Folding Ideas video on meme stock and how a cult formed around a number of ideologies regarding financial systems and short selling.

I like watching videos like this. Dan Olsen does a number of good videos on different online conspiracies such as Flat Earth and NFTs and then you have HBomb doing the same thing with anything from Colecovision to the war on christmas and alt right grifts.

And whenever I research these sociological trends I become uncomfortably aware of the fact that I exist within one of these little closed circles. (Well, more than one given the communities and support groups around psychology and mental health, but I'm here to talk about Kink today)

Hypnosis, especially within our community, is entirely held up by a series of beliefs with an internal language that creates a massive divide between those in the know and those out of the know and it literally only works because we believe it works.

In many ways what we do is as much sociology as it is psychology.

And I kind of that it's okay for that to be true so long as we all occasionally remind ourselves of that fact and never abuse the power we each possess as authors of that shared narrative, because much like under hypnosis our hypnotees are suggestible and need to have care in what we provide to their open mind, educators within the community have an eager and open audience that stretches further than we know and regardless of intent, our beliefs and teachings will become their facts and reality as surely as had we have programmed a hypnotee to believe them as they wake on the count of 1--2--3!

Okay. Let me break this up a little.

Does this mean I think hypnosis is fake and we're all just going along with it?

One of my partners and I have had conversations about subjectivity in both hypnosis and mental health spaces before and we hate that one of the most approachable quotes comes from an author that leaves a bad taste in our mouths.

"Of course it's all happening in your head [...] why on Earth should that mean it's not real?"

One of the big differences between the online erotic hypnosis community and the NGH (National Guild of Hypnotists) who rue our existence is that we do not require legitimacy to function when they themselves exist in a half-truth state where when receiving both of my certifications it was impressed that we needed to perform an uneasy dance of providing services without practicing medicine because hypnotherapy is not licensed psychology in the same was that chiropractors are not performing medicine.

Within *certain portions* of hypnokink we are perfectly okay with the idea of being wrong and of sharing ideas.

Wiseguy said it best in his class "The best induction is the one that works" and what works works because it is effective in that moment between that particular hypnotist and that particular hypnotee.

Likewise, the more educated a person becomes, the more effective hypnosis becomes. Understanding trance is a tool to achieve it faster. Even a cold hypnotee who is being introduced for the first time receives an education via pre-talk which we tend to believe is more important than the induction itself.

You know what I mean when I talk about pretalk, right?

"We all go in and out of hypnosis multiple times a day" "Highway hypnosis" "Flow state"

These are all real and observable things and we can view hypnosis impacting a mind on an EEG.

Hell even Oh No Ross and Carrie (a podcast where they join insular communities with intent to learn if they are cults/grifts) did an episode on hypnosis and conceded that the principals of suggestibility, hypnotic state and conditioning are all just... how the brain works... and that you can't really dive into fact/fiction when it's essentially telling a person to do something and they either do it or they don't.

It's not mind control. It's suggestion and even within our circles we all agree that mind control is a fantasy.

So I guess... it's as real as we all agree it to be.

The issue is that group agreement of all the little elements is held up by The Community as a whole and... maybe we should talk about the vulnerabilities at play there.

What do I mean when I talk about insular communities?

Recently I read a REALLY good line on a quote on Twitter that speaks to what I mean here:

And this is what I mean when I talk about belief systems inside and outside of the community. It's a good post as I firmly agree with what it communicates.

The Online Hypnosis Community is a term with no specific borders. In my reality it's the orbit that happens to take place around those who are known, trusted and teach at the primary US erotic hypnosis convention circuit.

However I know that in reality the online hypnosis community contains multiple pools and factions that I either strictly ignore, such as ones surrounding dangerous figures like NeuralNets and Nimja or ones I am not close to, like local kink scenes for cities across the world including those where English is not a first language or mlm communities where I do not really have a place, to niche pockets such as the furry hypnosis community, dronekink and even the tiny little subniches such as Empty Spaces and HDG which have splintered off into entire little separate universes with their own language and core beliefs.

For the most part this is a beautiful thing. What I'm describing is no less a divide between interests as being a member of the "Video game horror" scene and not visiting the niches of Indie Game Horror, Japanese Horror, creepypasta mods and such.

Every community has pockets like this.

But the more specific and tight a community becomes, the more "insular" it is. Language and widely held beliefs begin to gather in tighter pressurized windows. One need only look at how brainwashing and conditioning are viewed collectively in darker corners to see the difference and this is to make nothing of things like political and social beliefs in certain corners.

In those dark corners "You can't be hypnotized to do anything you don't want to do" is an essential lie WITHIN their insular community so that they can maintain a degree of plausible deniability and power over their people.

So what's your point?

That is the question, isn't it?

I guess the answer to that is... "always question what you believe, why you believe it and don't assume everyone around you does or should think the same thing."

When discussing red flags in the community on Discord and Twitter with other educators, I've always said the biggest red flag an educator can have is teaching that there is believing they have all the answers.

ALL OF US are working in this space from a belief system. An organic and living one which is impacted by our interactions with the kink, with one another and with the world around us.

No one individual in our community holds all the answers. Not me, not the authors of the manuals that we push, not Richard Nongard, Milton Erickson.

It also means we need not be defensive about our hobby and beliefs. Many will never accept what we do as actually having any basis in reality and that's okay. We're making spaces for play and some will just see us as overactive roleplayers who are tricking ourselves into believing things and to that I always say:

"You're dang right we are. That's the point."

It's not magic. It's not hard science. It's just belief, confidence and a willing to play along.

I could bust out the EKG studies or describe the altered states of consciousness and I will ALWAYS preach how suggestible a person is in and out of hypnosis and the dangers of what we do because those dangers are real and present. But at the end of the day, I want to take a moment and evaluate "what if I'm wrong?"

And the correct answer to that is "will I or someone else be hurt by my ignorance or misaction" and act accordingly.

But that's me. That's my belief system and I am aware of the fact that what we do is entirely built upon our belief that it works and that we are being safe and sane and fun.

That doesn't make me right. That doesn't mean I didn't learn some bad lessons.

It just means I want to keep doing better and I trust that the people around me are all doing the same. With hope of growing. Learning more about individuals and the community as a whole and trying to make this place better.

Because... if I stand in front of a room and teach a class that carries some bad ideas. They'll take seed.

And let me tell you something...

This community is FULL of bad ideas

I've been here since the early days. I was there when Warp My Mind and Wendi.com were the two sites that popped up when you went searching for files. I was there during the implosion of Inraptured and the transphobic meltdown of Isabella Valentine. I have witnessed hypnocon board after hypnocon board fall apart. I've seen scandals and dramas and chaos.

I was there when Bimbopolitic was outed as a CIA plant for fucks sake. Please don't ask follow-up questions. My head is still spinning from that saga of events.

and that inevitably means I have internalized some dumb shit in my day. I've been unlearning it as much as I can over the past 5-6 years. But it's there.

Likewise a lot of the books I read and grew up on are based on the beliefs of less than wonderful human beings. Milton Erickson is no rolemodel, but damned if his theories aren't worth looking at.

This is one thing I respect about sleepingirl's NLP Book. The conceit was to study what PUA instructors taught and see what could actually be used from an objective standpoint. Actually interrogate the beliefs of NLP from a "I don't know anything" standpoint.

If I have any point in my whole ramble of a post it's that. Approach learning things with the curiosity of someone who is willing to learn and doesn't know any better but with the wariness of someone who has been burned too many times and knows that there's bad actors all over and everything needs to be turned over a few times to examine.

At the end of the day I just want a safe community full of positive ideas and if there's one thing I've learned about hypnosis it is this "positive associations stick, negative suggestions are harder to ground"

Both in the good way and the bad. Unlearning things is hard.

Let's just be aware that we're all playing in the same sandbox. Share our tools and try to build something beautiful.

and never stop asking "...am I sure about this?"

*Shrug* Or don't. It's just a suggestion <3

[soracities]

Hey! It has been on my mind lately and i just wanna ask..idk if it would make sense but i just noticed that nowadays ppl cant separate the authors and their books (ex. when author wrote a story about cheating and ppl starts bashing the author for romanticizing cheating and even to a point of cancelling the author for not setting a good/healthy example of a relationship) any thoughts about it?

I have many, many thoughts on this, so this may get a little unwieldy but I'll try to corall it together as best I can.

But honestly, I think sometimes being unable to separate the author from the work (which is interesting to me to see because some people are definitely not "separating" anything even though they think they are; they just erase the author entirely as an active agent, isolate the work, and call it "objectivity") has a lot to do with some people being unable to separate the things they read from themselves.

I'm absolutely not saying it's right, but it's an impulse I do understand. If you read a book and love it, if it transforms your life, or defines a particular period of your life, and then you find out that the author has said or done something awful--where does that leave you? Someone awful made something beautiful, something you loved: and now that this point of communion exists between you and someone whose views you'd never agree with, what does that mean for who you are? That this came from the mind of a person capable of something awful and spoke to your mind--does that mean you're like them? Could be like them?

Those are very uncomfortable questions and I think if you have a tendency to look at art or literature this way, you will inevitable fall into the mindset where only "Good" stories can be accepted because there's no distinction between where the story ends and you begin. As I said, I can see where it comes from but I also find it profoundly troubling because i think one of the worst things you can do to literature is approach it with the expectation of moral validation--this idea that everything you consume, everything you like and engage with is some fundamental insight into your very character as opposed to just a means of looking at or questioning something for its own sake is not just narrow-minded but dangerous.

Art isn't obliged to be anything--not moral, not even beautiful. And while I expend very little (and I mean very little) energy engaging with or even looking at internet / twitter discourse for obvious reasons, I do find it interesting that people (online anyway) will make the entire axis of their critique on something hinge on the fact that its bad representation or justifying / romanticizing something less than ideal, proceeding to treat art as some sort of conduit for moral guidance when it absolutely isn't. And they will also hold that this critique comes from a necessarily good and just place (positive representation, and I don't know, maybe in their minds it does) while at the same time setting themselves apart from radical conservatives who do the exact same thing, only they're doing it from the other side.

To make it abundantly clear, I'm absolutely not saying you should tolerate bigots decrying that books about the Holocaust, race, homophobia, or lgbt experiences should be banned--what I am saying, is that people who protest that a book like Maus or Persepolis is going to "corrupt children", and people who think a book exploring the emotional landscape of a deeply flawed character, who just happens to be from a traditionally marginalised group or is written by someone who is, is bad representation and therefore damaging to that community as a whole are arguments that stem from the exact same place: it's a fundamental inability, or outright refusal, to accept the interiority and alterity of other people, and the inherent validity of the experiences that follow. It's the same maniacal, consumptive, belief that there can be one view and one view only: the correct view, which is your view--your thoughts, your feelings.

There is also dangerous element of control in this. Someone with racist views does not want their child to hear anti-racist views because as far as they are concerned, this child is not a being with agency, but a direct extension of them and their legacy. That this child may disagree is a profound rupture and a threat to the cohesion of this person's entire worldview. Nothing exists in and of and for itself here: rather the multiplicity of the world and people's experiences within it are reduced to shadowy agents that are either for us or against us. It's not about protecting children's "innocence" ("think of the children", in these contexts, often just means "think of the status quo"), as much as it is about protecting yourself and the threat to your perceived place in the world.

And in all honestt I think the same holds true for the other side--if you cannot trust yourself to engage with works of art that come from a different standpoint to yours, or whose subject matter you dislike, without believing the mere fact of these works' existence will threaten something within you or society in general (which is hysterical because believe me, society is NOT that flimsy), then that is not an issue with the work itself--it's a personal issue and you need to ask yourself if it would actually be so unthinkable if your belief about something isn't as solid as you think it is, and, crucially, why you have such little faith in your own critical capacity that the only response these works ilicit from you is that no one should be able to engage with them. That's not awareness to me--it's veering very close to sticking your head in the sand, while insisting you actually aren't.

Arbitrarily adding a moral element to something that does not exist as an agent of moral rectitude but rather as an exploration of deeply human impulses, and doing so simply to justify your stance or your discomfort is not only a profoundly inadequate, but also a deeply insidious, way of papering over your insecurities and your own ignorance (i mean this in the literal sense of the word), of creating a false and dishonest certainty where certainty does not exist and then presenting this as a fact that cannot and should not be challenged and those who do are somehow perverse or should have their characters called into question for it. It's reductive and infantilising in so many ways and it also actively absolves you of any responsibility as a reader--it absolves you of taking responsibility for your own interpretation of the work in question, it absolves you of responsibility for your own feelings (and, potentially, your own biases or preconceptions), it absolves you of actual, proper, thought and engagement by laying the blame entirely on a rogue piece of literature (as if prose is something sentient) instead of acknowledging that any instance of reading is a two-way street: instead of asking why do I feel this way? what has this text rubbed up against? the assumption is that the book has imposed these feelings on you, rather than potentially illuminated what was already there.

Which brings me to something else which is that it is also, and I think this is equally dangerous, lending books and stories a mythical, almost supernatural, power that they absolutely do not have. Is story-telling one of the most human, most enduring, most important and life-altering traditions we have? Yes. But a story is also just a story. And to convince yourself that books have a dangerous transformative power above and beyond what they are actually capable of is, again, to completely erase people's agency as readers, writers' agency as writers and makers (the same as any other craft), and subsequently your own. And erasing agency is the very point of censors banning books en masse. It's not an act of stupidity or blind ignorance, but a conscious awareness of the fact that people will disagree with you, and for whatever reason you've decided that you are not going to let them.

Writers and poets are not separate entities to the rest of us: they aren't shamans or prophets, gifted and chosen beings who have some inner, profound, knowledge the rest of us aren't privy to (and should therefore know better or be better in some regard) because moral absolutism just does not exist. Every writer, no matter how affecting their work may be, is still Just Some Guy Who Made a Thing. Writing can be an incredibly intimate act, but it can also just be writing, in the same way that plumbing is plumbing and weeding is just weeding and not necessarily some transcendant cosmic endeavour in and of itself. Authors are no different, when you get down to it, from bakers or electricians; Nobel laureates are just as capable of coming out with distasteful comments about women as your annoying cousin is and the fact that they wrote a genre-defying work does not change that, or vice-versa. We imbue books with so much power and as conduits of the very best and most human traits we can imagine and hope for, but they aren't representations of the best of humanity--they're simply expressions of humanity, which includes the things we don't like.

There are some authors I love who have said and done things I completely disagree with or whose views I find abhorrent--but I'm not expecting that, just because they created something that changed my world, they are above and beyond the ordinarly, the petty, the spiteful, or cruel. That's not condoning what they have said and done in the least: but I trust myself to be able to read these works with awareness and attention, to pick out and examine and attempt to understand the things that I find questionable, to hold on to what has moved me, and to disregard what I just don't vibe with or disagree with. There are writers I've chosen not to engage with, for my own personal reasons: but I'm not going to enforce this onto someone else because I can see what others would love in them, even if what I love is not strong enough to make up for what I can't. Terrance Hayes put perfectly in my view, when he talks about this and being capable of "love without forgiveness". Writing is a profoundly human heritage and those who engage with it aren't separate from that heritage as human because they live in, and are made by, the exact same world as anyone else.

The measure of good writing for me has hardly anything to do with whatever "virtue" it's perceived to have and everything to do with sincerity. As far as I'm concerned, "positive representation" is not about 100% likeable characters who never do anything problematic or who are easily understood. Positive representation is about being afforded the full scope of human feelings, the good, the bad, and the ugly, and not having your humanity, your dignity, your right to exist in the world questioned because all of these can only be seen through the filter of race, or gender, religion, or ethicity and interpreted according to our (profoundly warped) perceptions of those categories and what they should or shouldn't represent. True recognition of someone's humanity does not lie in finding only what is held in common between you (and is therefore "acceptable", with whatever you put into that category), but in accepting everything that is radically different about them and not letting this colour the consideration you give.

Also, and it may sound harsh, but I think people forget that fictional characters are fictional. If I find a particularly fucked up relationship dynamic compelling (as I often do), or if I decide to write and explore that dynamic, that's not me saying two people who threaten to kill each other and constantly hurt each other is my ideal of romance and that this is exactly how I want to be treated: it's me trying to find out what is really happening below the surface when two people behave like this. It's me exploring something that would be traumatizing and deeply damaging in real life, in a safe and fictional setting so I can gain some kind of understanding about our darker and more destructive impulses without being literally destroyed by them, as would happen if all of this were real. But it isn't real. And this isn't a radical or complex thing to comprehend, but it becomes incomprehensible if your sole understanding of literature is that it exists to validate you or entertain you or cater to you, and if all of your interpretations of other people's intentions are laced with a persistent sense of bad faith. Just because you have not forged any identity outside of this fictional narrative doesn't mean it's the same for others.

Ursula K. le Guin made an extremely salient point about children and stories in that children know the stories you tell them--dragons, witches, ghouls, whatever--are not real, but they are true. And that sums it all up. There's a reason children learning to lie is an incredibly important developmental milestone, because it shows that they have achieved an incredibly complex, but vitally important, ability to hold two contradictory statements in their minds and still know which is true and which isn't. If you cannot delve into a work, on the terms it sets, as a fictional piece of literature, recognize its good points and note its bad points, assess what can have a real world impact or reflects a real world impact and what is just creative license, how do you possible expect to recognize when authority and propaganda lies to you? Because one thing propaganda has always utilised is a simplistic, black and white depiction of The Good (Us) and The Bad (Them). This moralistic stance regarding fiction does not make you more progressive or considerate; it simply makes it easier to manipulate your ideas and your feelings about those ideas because your assessments are entirely emotional and surface level and are fuelled by a refusal to engage with something beyond the knee-jerk reaction it causes you to have.

Books are profoundly, and I do mean profoundly, important to me-- and so much of who I am and the way I see things is probably down to the fact that stories have preoccupied me wherever I go. But I also don't see them as vital building blocks for some core facet or a pronouncement of Who I Am. They're not badges of honour or a cover letter I put out into the world for other people to judge and assess me by, and approve of me (and by extension, the things I say or feel). They're vehicles through which I explore and experience whatever it is that I'm most caught by: not a prophylactic, not a mode of virtue signalling, and certainly not a means of signalling a moral stance.

I think at the end of the day so much of this tendency to view books as an extension of yourself (and therefore of an author) is down to the whole notion of "art as a mirror", and I always come back to Fran Lebowitz saying that it "isn't a mirror, it's a door". And while I do think it's important to have that mirror (especially if you're part of a community that never sees itself represented, or represented poorly and offensively) I think some people have moved into the mindset of thinking that, in order for art to be good, it needs to be a mirror, it needs to cater to them and their experiences precisely--either that or that it can only exist as a mirror full stop, a reflection of and for the reader and the writer (which is just incredibly reductive and dismissive of both)--and if art can only exist as a mirror then anything negative that is reflected back at you must be a condemnation, not a call for exploration or an attempt at understanding.

As I said, a mirror is important but to insist on it above all else isn't always a positive thing: there are books I related to deeply because they allowed me to feel so seen (some by authors who looked nothing like me), but I have no interest in surrounding myself with those books all the time either--I know what goes on in my head which is precisely why I don't always want to live there. Being validated by a character who's "just like me" is amazing but I also want--I also need-- to know that lives and minds and events exist outside of the echo-chamber of my own mind. The mirror is comforting, yes, but if you spend too long with it, it also becomes isolating: you need doors because they lead you to ideas and views and characters you could never come up with on your own. A world made up of various Mes reflected back to me is not a world I want to be immersed in because it's a world with very little texture or discovery or room for growth and change. Your sense of self and your sense of other people cannot grow here; it just becomes mangled.

Art has always been about dialogue, always about a me and a you, a speaker and a listener, even when it is happening in the most internal of spaces: to insist that art only ever tells you what you want to hear, that it should only reflect what you know and accept is to undermine the very core of what it seeks to do in the first place, which is establish connection. Art is a lifeline, I'm not saying it isn't. But it's also not an instruction manual for how to behave in the world--it's an exploration of what being in the world looks like at all, and this is different for everyone. And you are treading into some very, very dangerous waters the moment you insist it must be otherwise.

Whatever it means to be in the world, it is anything but straightforward. In this world people cheat, people kill, they manipulate, they lie, they torture and steal--why? Sometimes we know why, but more often we don't--but we take all these questions and write (or read) our way through them hoping that, if we don't find an answer, we can at least find our way to a place where not knowing isn't as unbearable anymore (and sometimes it's not even about that; it's just about telling a story and wanting to make people laugh). It's an endless heritage of seeking with countless variations on the same statements which say over and over again I don't know what to make of this story, even as I tell it to you. So why am I telling it? Do I want to change it? Can I change it? Yes. No. Maybe. I have no certainty in any of this except that I can say it. All I can do is say it.

Writing, and art in general, are one of the very, very, few ways we can try and make sense of the apparently arbitrary chaos and absurdity of our lives--it's one of the only ways left to us by which we can impose some sense of structure or meaning, even if those things exists in the midst of forces that will constantly overwhelm those structures, and us. I write a poem to try and make sense of something (grief, love, a question about octopuses) or to just set down that I've experienced something (grief, love, an answer about octpuses). You write a poem to make sense of, resolve, register, or celebrate something else. They don't have to align. They don't have to agree. We don't even need to like each other much. But in both of these instances something is being said, some fragment of the world as its been perceived or experienced is being shared. They're separate truths that can exist at the same time. Acknowledging this is the only means we have of momentarily bridging the gaps that will always exist between ourselves and others, and it requires a profound amount of grace, consideration and forbearance. Otherwise, why are we bothering at all?

[thenhlteaissuperhot]

nykki (martin necas' girlfriend) just posted some sort of q&a on her youtube channel and from the translation of the title, she should be talking about the nhl too, could you perhaps watch it and translate the interesting bits for us since its in czech?

This video was actually really interesting.

I have said it in the past already, but Nykki is genuinely one of the most sensible, down-to-earth, and level-headed WAGs I have seen on social media, so her answers were impressive and definitely worth hearing:

She answered the question about how she and Martin met:

Said that it is the most-asked question she gets - "My theory is that some of the people, who are asking me that, probably want to date a hockey player and they don't know how to do that. Personally, I wouldn't go for a hockey player." (she is so real laughing her ass off during that last part)

She would really want to have some sort of romantic story, but they literally started dating because he was constantly liking her photos, then DMed her on Instagram, they started texting and FaceTiming for several months before they actually saw each other in real life and started dating like two months after.

Talked about what it is like living as a (European) WAG, who moved to the US because of her boyfriend:

The players are away for half of the month during the season, so they don't see each other as often as people may think.

It was really hard for her to make friends among the other WAGs in the first year.

Overall, she expressed that she really struggled the first year and even thought that she wouldn't be able to live like that, wanting to go back home.

She also found it really hard to understand the "NHL lifestyle" (said that the term alone seems silly to her to this day) - "It is an extremely particular group of people. Even among the girls, in the room where we meet during the games, there are so many unspoken rules. I am an open book, I like to share my thoughts, and I hate small shallow talks, but I understood quite quickly that it doesn't work like that here and you can't trust everyone. It is everywhere like that - when you come to a room where there are twenty-five girls, at the end of the day, you only get along with a few of them, and I didn't understand that in the beginning. I kinda burned myself."

She can't have a work permit in the US and neither can all the European WAGs because their visas are officially under their partners - said that it is extremely hard for everyone to get a work permit in the US, but for them, it is practically impossible. A lot of other WAGs have tried, they poured a lot of money into the lawyers, and no one, she knows, has so far succeeded.

Where it is possible for the WAGs to obtain work permits, is in Canada - during this part, she also joked that Martin doesn't have a contract for the next year, so maybe they could move there.

Because of this whole work permit issue, she started doing social media, producing music, and writing scripts for some sort of company (the last two I understood are jobs in the Czech Republic, which she does online), making her own money.

She also said that life in Raleigh, North Carolina is quite uneventful compared to Prague, where she is from - however, she is also aware of the fact, that Raleigh is a quite safe place to live and that she can be glad for it because it's not like that everywhere in the States (as she knows from the experiences of other WAGs).

She also answered money-related questions as many people think that her boyfriend pays for everything in her life:

It is crazy for her that some people think that she is dating him only for the money - said that she didn't move across the Atlantic, away from her family and friends, and the established life she had in the Czech Republic, because of designer bags.

Said that all the WAGs (not just hockey ones) always showcase their life on social media to people who follow them in a manner that makes it seem better than it actually is - posting how they go to the games, how they all have their hair done, designer handbags...

She emphasized that they do have it really easy in a lot of things, and that it actually bothers her (personally she wouldn't be able to bear being financially dependent on her boyfriend - at least that's what I think she meant), but that there are also a lot of disadvantages, for example, if she is going to have kids one day in the States, their grandparents aren't going to see them because they are on the other side of the Atlantic.

At the end of the NHL-related segment, she brought up the question "what would you do if you broke up?"

She emphasized that she is one of the lucky ones because she has managed to find a way how to make a living on her own so this question doesn't really worry her because her life would simply continue, just back in Prague, not in the USA, but that many of the girls are studying in the States or just living there with their boyfriends and solely because of their boyfriends, and that once they break up, it is extremely difficult for them.

[icarus-suraki]

Got this as a reply ages ago on my Ao3 post:

Yes, even that story.

Ao3 is not a platform. Ao3 is an archive.

Okay, so, this story was definitely not for the you, commenter. That's all there is to it. Not every story is for every person. And that's just how it is. And it's okay. There's an old saying in librarianship: "Every book its reader; every reader, a book."

But rather than freaking out, maybe we ought to query why the creator wrote and posted that story.

Because if they wrote it with the intention to be shocking and transgressive, they clearly succeeded. You, commenter, are shocked and find the whole thing extremely transgressive. Conceptually, it's a bit like novels that say drugs are great. Or like any number of commercially published novels that take on graphic murders. Horror novels have some fucked up shit in them sometimes and people who enjoy exploring intense emotions and situations in a fictional context read those without engaging in those behaviors.

For the record, I read a lot of "transgressive" literature and I'm out in the world with a job and a place to live and an internet connection. Meanwhile, fans of Christian fiction can be some of the most vicious beasts I have ever encountered. Thoughts?

This particular example, though, is also interesting because it's like inverse zoophilia/zoosadism--the human is the victim here, somehow. Zooisms have been a hot topic in recent years--so does this story stir up personal reactions to that topic? Is that the intention? I'm not about to defend acting zoophiles/zoosadists because they're literally engaging in animal abuse. Like, that's a crime. (Was the dog in this story a German shepherd? It's always German shepherds for some reason with the zoos.)

Or is the concern that this is the author's kink? Because there's a lot of concern over kinks anymore and whether a kink is acceptable or whether kinks are acceptable at all. Who is this story for? Someone with a similar kink? Don't start on the "consuming porn leads to more porn and more violent porn until you're a sexually-motivated serial killer" line because that comes out of a Ted Bundy interview and we all know he was a consummate liar. Again: horror fans read some fucked up shit. Mystery novel fans read some fucked up shit, even if they say the "good ending" absolves them of that. And they're not killing people.

Engaging with an unusual interest or desire on a level removed from reality is a much safer way to engage with that interest than in reality. Fiction is not reality. Movies are not reality. Theater is not reality. BDSM is theater and theater is not reality. These are all things with a remove from reality, which lets one engage with an interest without harm to self or others.

I can guarantee you that there are stories just as, if not more, distressing to you, the commenter, in notebooks and computer files all over the world. They still exist though they aren't published. You don't have to have read a story like the above to find a socially dangerous interest like this. These things can arise in relative isolation. Source: I grew up before the internet became what it is now and I have seen some shit.

The fact that this particular story was posted online suggests a desire on the part of the author to share it. Why would they want to do that? To shock readers? To find people with similar desires? Publication/posting implies a desire for responses. Why do you think this story was written? Why do you think it was shared? Who is the intended audience?

I'm sorry this story upset you, commenter. It absolutely sucks to get blindsided by a story (or any kind of media) that you find upsetting. It's certainly happened to me and I didn't like it either. I have had a lot of religious anxiety for most of my life and getting surprised by Chick Tracts being left around in the bookstore where I worked was not a good time. So, yes, I sympathize.

But it's impossible to control what billions of humans are going to be saying, doing, writing, or interested in. You can't stop people from writing fucked up shit, as much as you would like to. The best thing you can do is create a system to alert others about what, if anything, might be distressing in a piece of media. This is why, if one is usual Ao3 like a lending library and not an archive, there are content warnings, age recommendations, and tags. You can't control what everyone else is doing, but you can and should protect yourself as much as necessary. And, yes, that does mean that you have to deal with things that you don't like existing in shared spaces in the world. You may have to work on coming to terms with that. And yes I am serious. I have had to do the same thing in my life.

Also I have a lot of questions. How did you find this story? Was it by accident or was it intentional? What was the story "about"? How was it written? Was it genuine or was it a troll? Was the dog cognitively on a level with a human? How canine/anthropomorphized was the dog in this story? Was this Scooby Doo fanfic? Was this werewolf fanfic? Are you concerned that dogs will read this story and go on to rape eleven year-olds?

So why would someone write a story in which an eleven year-old gets raped by their dog?

And, gang, I anonymized the commenter on purpose. Don't go seek them out.