#i am truly sorry if i make anyone mad about this i dont mean to discount your identity or beliefs
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this is also why i stopped using my tracked tag for a while tbh
#and i might do it again bc its just#a reminder that no one rly cares abt what i do / who i am etc#which might sound over dramatic idk how else to describe it tho its just hollow#it feels very much like a Chore and a Task and if i dont reblog things fast enough from my tag#people get very angry and/or upset with me even tho theres just#so much content and i have 0 time so everything gets queued no matter what#like this whole experience feels like a chore lmao#and it never ever used to#but now theres so much animosity if i dont behave / interact with things Properly#or whatever the make believe rules are idk#this dash can just be so negative like have we all truly descended into madness during this hiatus#bc like i get it ive been up and down and all around too but ive never been straight up MEAN to anyone in this community#and i never want to either so this entire situation thats been bubbling for months just feels like shit#bc what the fuck changed and how do we get back to where we were#i never ever ever ever felt this way before like idk the middle of last year#but ever since like last fall its just been idk. Bad#once again im sorry if ive ever done anything to upset anyone but my silence / absence doesnt mean i dont care#ive just been Incredibly busy due to some real life changes that are out of my control#i might not have energy to answer everything but i do Read everything and it does make me smile#and i save messages that are kind in my heart so i can be reminded of the root of what this blog is supposed to be#a space for something im very passionate about and previously had nowhere else to express said passion#so like idk if we all like the same things why does this weird feeling of competition linger over us lmao#why do all ccs have to fight???? each other???? when we all love and do the same things????#i have nothing against anyone personally but what i Do take issue with is the way that ive been doing this since 2021 and im fully just#ignored and shoved aside by so many people for reasons i fully dont know or understand#so yeah idk this is a novel i just woke up from a spontaneous nap bc im so exhausted i can only stay awake for 3 hours at a time#but yeah anyways idk !#be nice its so easy !#tbd
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Christianity bothers me because it feels like a group of people toting love as their identity while simultaneously holding a belief in divine punishment for whatever they/their group agree is not worth loving. I don't want to be saved. I want you to shut the fuck up and either love me or don't. This is about you. You are not telling me to be better because you love me but because you love the idea of fixing someone. You get satisfaction from your faith which I find disgusting because just by my mere existence I am damned in your eyes. You don't know I'm damned. Why on God's green earth would I tell you enough about myself for you to know this. I'm not stupid. If you truly believe in a judgement day, let's leave the judgements for then.
#i am truly sorry if i make anyone mad about this i dont mean to discount your identity or beliefs#this is about one particular person who does not know me online and in fact does not 'know' me at all#and very dramatized for the sake of poetry/annoyance at this one person who none of you know#again i respect your beliefs and i know you very likely do not believe in the version of religion i present here#that most of you are forgiving and welcoming of people and understanding that people are made differently sometimes#i word it in a very angry way but i guess what i kinda mean by this is like#it feels useless to appeal to some people#or really just this one person who again none of you know#if you think you're this person you're not okay?#it feels useless to even explain myself to them because i know their worldview is limited such that they will feel a responsibility to 'fix#they said to me that when judgement comes for us all it will be like sinking into the sea on a raft#and that when you see the yacht of people who were 'prepared' for this you will do anything to get on#to escape the depths of eternity#how disgusting to think you can be prepared for death#i did not tell them this but i thought to myself that i would rather go down with my ship#that at the end of it all im too fascinated by what lies below the surface#which ive been sailing for so long but which has always been too murky to see through#how disgusting of myself too i suppose#to think that i can also meet death with such irreverence#words
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SUR LE POINT ⤿ c. leclerc 16
→ ( in which. . . ) you, toto wolff's daughter, are dating semi-rival team driver charles leclerc and toto is trying his best to support your relationship while also being a proud dad.
→ ( fanfic genre. . . ) smau
→ ( face claim. . . ) taylor hill + pictures from pinterest
→ ( pairing. . . ) charles leclerc x wolff!ballerina!reader
→ ( content warnings/disclaimers. . . ) cursing, fluff, google translated german and french
→ ( author's note. . . ) woohoo another smau! these are genuinely so fun to make but sooo time consuming. i hope you enjoy! see end for more
→ ( masterlist )
─ INSTAGRAM ↴
y/n_wolff
📍monte carlo, monaco
liked by susiewolff, lewishamilton, yourbff, charles_leclerc and 953,730 others
y/n_wolff a break between shows 🌞
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user7 she is stunning!
user10 mother is mothering
charles_leclerc that dog better not be in the apartment when i get home.
y/n_wolff um about that!
charles_leclerc oh mon dieu
y/n_wolff btw her name is olive!!
susiewolff Meine schöne tochter 💓 (my beautiful daughter)
y/n_wolff woher, glaubst du, habe ich es? (where do you think i got it from?)
mercedesamgf1 baby boss is glowing 🫡🫧 liked by y/n_wolff
yourbsf my legs are dead because of you.
y/n_wolff not my fault you couldn't keep up 😒
user44 need to know where you got that top!
y/n_wolff its actually a dress and i made both of the flower and lemon one myself!
user16 i wonder how toto feels ab this
user19 he was asked during an interview and was hesitant, but supportive !!
charles_leclerc holy 🥴 liked by y/n_wolff
lewishamilton you're in monaco and you dont even stop and say hi? smh 😒
y/n_wolff I AM SORRY BLAME CHARLES
charles_leclerc WHY ARE YOU DRAGGING ME INTO THIS?
y/n_wolff BECAUSE ITS YOUR FAULT?
lewishamilton i was kidding 😀
charles_leclerc has added to their story!
caption: i can't even be mad 😔 y/n_wolff
lewishamilton has added to their story!
caption: apology accepted ✅ y/n_wolff
─ TWITTER ↴
─ INSTAGRAM ↴
y/n_wolff has reposted a story!
caption: she's in the zone dnd 💆🏻♀️🌙 y/n_wolff
y/n_wolff
📍vienna, austria
liked by charles_leclerc, lewishamilton, susie_wolff, francisca.cgomes and 987,540 others
y/n_wolff ladies and gentleman... your 2024 white swan!!
it is such an honor to be awarded this role. ever since i was a kid and saw my first performance of swan lake, i fell in love. from that moment, i knew i wanted to be odette. this is truly a dream come true.
i would like to thank the wienerstaatsballet for such a wonderful opportunity and trusting me with such an important role. along with my amazing parents, toto & susie_wolff, and my wonderful boyfriend charles_leclerc. you have all shown me such support and love, i couldn't have done this without any of you.
(p.s. see the link in bio for showings 😉)
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user16 she is so unbelievably pretty
mickschumacher woohoo!! you go y/n!
y/n_wolff thank you mickyyy
user8 CONGRATS Y/N! liked by y/n_wolff
charles_leclerc so happy for you mon cynge 🫀 (my swan)
lewishamilton congratulations y/n! i remember watching you as a young girl just starting out, this is such a wonderful achievement, you deserve it more than anyone 🖤
y/n_wolff thank you so much lew 🥹💞
user5 they're so sibling coded 💔
mercedesamgf1 woohoo! congrats baby boss 🥳🙌🏻
y/n_wolff thank u admin 🥰
charles_leclerc when you called me to say you got the part, pride flooded my senses. i know how much this part means to you, etoile. i am so happy for you, je t’aime plus que tout ❤️ (star, i love you more than anything)
y/n_wolff i love you so much, mon coeur 💌
yourbsf the best to do it ❣️🦢 liked by y/n_wolff
yourballetfriend happy for u y/n 🙂
user77 she doesn't seem happy...
user44 i wouldn't blame her 🤷🏾♀️
user2 yeah but ballet is competitive it's part of the sport
susie_wolff Ich bin so stolz auf dich, Y/N. Worte können meinen Stolz nicht ausdrücken. Es ist mir eine Ehre, dich meine Tochter nennen zu dürfen (i am so proud of you, y/n. words cannot express my pride. i am honored to call you my daughter)
y/n_wolff hör auf, mama, ich werde weinen, ich liebe dich so sehr (stop mama, i'm going to cry, i love you so much)
francisca.cgomes my fave ballerina 🩰✨ liked by y/n_wolff
scuderiaferrari 🩰🏎️ liked by y/n_wolff
user10 i am so normal about this (i am so insanely happy for her)
─ TWITTER ↴
─ INSTAGRAM ↴
toto_wolff
liked by y/n_wolff, lewishamilton, susie_wolff, charles_leclerc and 2,836,123 others
tagged: y/n_wolff
toto_wolff Congratulations to my wonderful daughter, Y/N. Ich bin so stolz auf dich, meine Blume. Zu sehen, wie du zu dem heranwächst, was du jetzt bist, war so ein Segen. Ich fühle mich geehrt, dein Vater zu sein. Mach weiterhin großartige Dinge, ich liebe dich. (I'm so proud of you, my flower. Seeing you grow into what you are now has been such a blessing. I am honored to be your father. Keep doing great things, I love you.)
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user71 THE STREETS WERE RIGHT!!
user50 this is so sweet oh my god
user9 oh to have a dad like toto wolff
y/n_wolff oh papa, ich liebe dich so sehr. Ich hätte mir keinen besseren vater wünschen können, ich danke dem universum jeden Tag dafür, dass ich gesegnet genug bin, dich als meinen vater zu haben. danke, dass du immer für mich da bist 😭❤️ (oh papa, i love you so much. i couldn't have asked for a better father, i thank the universe everyday for being blessed enough to have you as my dad. thank you for always being there for me)
user11 i want what they have 🥲
susie_wolff Unsere wundervolle Tochter (our wonderful daughter)
lewishamilton What a star🌟!
user14 crying in daddy issues
christianhorner Congratulations, Wolff. You have raised a wonderful daughter.
toto_wolff Thank you, Horner.
user88 the passive aggression
user51 the girls are fighting
mercedesamgf1 Boss man making us cry 🫡
charles_leclerc it is such an honor to be dating your daughter, toto
toto_wolff Couldn't have asked for anyone better.
y/n_wolff does this mean that you will let him win, papa?
toto_wolff No.
*comments under this post have been limited*
whoop! another fic done 🥳this was super fun to write, i loved looking for pictures, especially the toto-baby reader one 💔 not a lot of toto content... oh well. i am thinking of making a taglist, so let me know if you would like to be on it! also, hope i made it clear enough that toto does not know how to use instagram, and reader had to help him with making a post/comment. he doesn't know how like comments yet. thank you for reading! as usual, requests and feedback are welcome. make sure to leave a comment and kudos! (only if you want :P)
#+*. 🗃️f1fnatic's archives - +*.#f1 x reader#formula one x reader#blurb#f1 one shot#f1 imagine#formula one imagine#formula one#f1 2023#formula 1#f1 fandom#formula 1 x reader#formula 1 fanfic#formula 1 instagram au#formula 1 imagine#ferrari#mercedes amg f1#f1 fic#f1 fanfic#f1 x female reader#f1 x you#f1#charles leclerc#lewis hamilton#toto wolff#susie wolff#charles leclerc x you#charles lecrelc#scuderia ferrari#f1 smau
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Sending this because I think Tumblr might’ve eaten it, but did you ever receive a request for the TADC crew with a small, but EXTREMELY feisty S/O? Tumblr has a bad habit of eating my asks when I’m on anon I’ve found. 😭
TADC crew w/ a short and feisty reader!
hello hello anon! im so so so sorry for not seeing this sooner :( i truly did not mean to take so long to answer this! rechecking through my inbox, i dont see the original request :( but ill be answering it here so not to worry! getting silly by hopping onto my laptop/computer since its in the dining room rn and this way i can keep an eye on my macarons (literally not baking them, drying them out before i do and i wanna make sure no one touches them)
CAINE:
honestly in the most blunt way possible i think he might actually be into it. he always liked him someone who has a little bite in them (and by always he means like, when he first met you because its highly likely youre his first partner)
if you get all riled up trying to defend him he might comically tug on the collar of his shirt, of which steam will stream out of... doesnt have much of a preference for height, but with you being on the shorter side it makes carrying you around a little less awkward!
POMNI:
absolutely taken aback when you just let it rip one day and you go off on someone (most likely jax lets all be real here for a minute), just stands there appalled before you eventually calm yourself down and turn your attention to her
not to yell at her, she hasnt done anything wrong
honestly... nervous anxious ball x angry defender is probably another trope of mine that i think about every so often, but honestly i love it so so much. thats literally just the embodiment of you and pomni's dynamic
not much to say here unfortunately </3 just that you tend to defend her when things get ugly and you dont tend to stop until the issue is resolved
RAGATHA:
honestly maybe im biased for ragatha because ive grown on her since ive opened requests, but i think that she would be the queen of getting you to chill out when something has you all riled up! is so so kind and doesnt make fun of your height, i mean its not like you or anyone can change it. very good at not making you feel less than for being shorter than nearly everyone else
holds
if you get angry on her behalf and attempt to defend her she would be so so touched, but really most things probably roll right off her back, so she just takes you and walks you away from the scene
JAX:
honestly he thinks its a little funny that you get so worked up over things! probably calls you an ankle biter as a joke, which might make you a little mad. definitely picks you up by the scruff or the back of your shirt or whatever! really any equivalent of that works! jax has an entire arsenal of nicknames for you, all based on your height and energy. he loves seeing the way your face scrunches up a little in disdain when he calls you one of those names. all in good fun, for the most part, but he might let up if its something that makes you genuinely upset...
KINGER:
okokokokok so we dont know anything about queenie (i think, i must admit i dont keep up with gooseworx at all and am only relying off of the pilot) but i hc her to also be more on the feisty side
is this relevant? really it depends, because i think kinger would be comforted by the familiarity of your attitude, but also this could be a gateway for angst because it makes him think and dwell on the loss of queenie.... up to you!
subconsciously kneels down to your height to talk to you; he doesnt mean to be rude! it just sort of happens! thinks your fierceness is endearing in its own silly way!
ZOOBLE:
probably thinks that you can get a little overwhelming sometimes. i mean yeah sure its nice to have someone in your corner whos ready to help you out but zooble seems to be the type to not seek that help out; and in fact i can easily see them getting annoyed by someone constantly speaking for them. so you guys are going to need to communicate and work on this together lest there be a build of resentment
remember guys resentment is a real thing and it can ruin so much !! communicate!!!
that aside, i dont think they would comment much on your height, they really could not give less of a flying fuck
GANGLE:
torn between having her be intimidated by you or having her also find it endearing (and perhaps even attractive? shy person liking the one who always speaks their mind, you know?) while im not writing these to be explicitly romantic, i dont quite totally comfy with the idea of intimidation in a relationship.. though this can be applied to platonic relationships too... hmm... mayhaps a mix of it all? not quite sure! probably goes to you for tips to be more bold, love the idea of someone teaching gangle to grow a backbone
similar to zooble, no comments on your height!
#tadc x reader#the amazing digital circus x reader#digital circus x reader#caine x reader#pomni x reader#ragatha x reader#jax x reader#kinger x reader#zooble x reader#gangle x reader
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i thought about this and then got mad so once again:
WHO MR SCHUE WOULD CAST IN & JULIET (seasons 1-3, so none of the new New Directions)
JULIET - RACHEL BERRY
this is pretty obvious. yes i'm aware Rachel is white. unfortunately, as we know, this is not Glee. this is tbe Rachel Berry show.
Santana would be so fucking mad about this casting for many reasons, and both she and Mercedes would audition for Juliet but ultimately Mr Schue would cast Rachel. would she be any good? probably. does anyone want her to play Juliet? no. except for like, her, William and Finn.
ANNE HATHAWAY - EMMA PILLSBURY
you heard that right, folks! this man is ONCE AGAIN casting adults in a high school show! nobody likes this decision, but this man is evil i fear. she would probably be pretty good at least.
IF he doesn't cast Emma, he casts Brittany. Santana would want to play William if Brittany was Anne. maybe he would cast Quinn, i could see that
WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE - WILLIAM SCHUESTER
naturally, he would cast himself as Will. Santana would give him a lot of shit about it. straight up just fuck that dude, but he would definitely cast himself as Will.
MAYBE Santana would get to play him. maybe Mike Chang (he wouldnt want to). or more likely Puckerman. mayne Artie?
ROMEO - FINN HUDSON
we all knew it would be him. he'd be....fine. probably pretty good. Brittany and Kurt would both audition, and truly the obvious choice would be Brittany because she genuinely would be so great. for Kurt, it'd be the same reason as WSS where he's 'too gay'. anyway i dont have much to say about this, finchel blah blah blah William does shit
MAY - KURT HUMMEL
i am sorry, but you know it's true. Kurt would play May, he would be chosen because hes effeminate, he'd be really mad about it cause he wanted to play Romeo. he'd probably be pretty good but that doesnt mean he's happy about it
FRANCOIS - BLAINE ANDERSON
this one DOES actually make sense i think, i could genuinely see Darren as Frankie. so i dont think anyone would be too upset.
i could also see him casting Blaine as Will, but maybe that's just wishful thinking
ANGELIQUE - MERCEDES JONES
would i cast Mercedes as Angelique? maybe. is Mr Schue only doing it because shes fat and Black, rather than because she would genuinely be great as Angelique? probably.
he would totally ignore everything she says about why she should play Juliet and just. ignore how good she is in favour of Rachel. as per usual
i could see Mercedes as Juliet, and i could also see her as Angelique because she would do a great job!!! she would probably audition for Juliet but ultimately, this is the Rachel Berry show.
LANCE - ???
i genuinely have no idea who he would cast as Lance, but my mum says Ken Tanaka. maybe he would cast Puck or Artie? idk
Mike would be Kempe and Tina would be Lucy and idk about everyone else, i am getting very tired
thank you for reading my mini essay
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TWST Book 7 Chapter 5 Thoughts:
Spoilers under the cut, also I'm basically typing this out as I play so it's like a liveblog sort of.
Malenora is That Bitch
Sorry, ahem. Malenora is a QUEEN (technically a Princess but my point stands)
Absolutely loving her design aaaaahhhh! The horns! The headpiece! The DRIP!
Sorry, I'll try to stop simping.
You can see such an intense resemblance between Malenora and Malleus obviously in appearance but also personality.
They both breathe confidence and self assurance because they're so powerful, both are fairly temperamental, though Malenora seems to be more brash and lashes out with tantrums while Malleus - perhaps due to his father - tends to sulk more than he does explode with anger, though the lightning and bad weather happens with both of them.
Moving on, her relationship with Lilia is interesting. You definitely get the sense that he may have harbored romantic feelings for her when they were younger but at this point truly loves her as something even beyond that, and different.
I swear I nearly started crying in public when they were squabbling over Lilia taking the Egg and leaving Malenora to fight the Knight of Dawn and Lilia was like I can't love this baby for you, I've never loved anybody, I still need you, this baby needs you.
And Malenora fucking hits him with You love me. You love Levan - there simply isn't any way for you not to love our child when you love us so much.
Oh shit I'm crying just typing that.
Anyway
And you know it really hit me in that moment that Lilia's earlier comments about not liking weak things like children - it isn't true, not even then. To love something powerless and weak and fragile means risking your own heart. Just as easily as they could lose their life, you could break your own heart. Lilia has always been afraid.
And when he lost Malenora - someone who he loved, who was the strongest person he knew - died anyway, and left her Love in and Egg, he had to accept that being hurt wasn't something anyone could live without risking.
Moving on, the Knight of Dawn is still a mystery to me, but he doesn't actually seem evil. Apparently he's an orphan who owes a life debt to the previous King, and is in a relationship with the princess Reia. And of course he helped the entourage escape with the Egg - an act I think ultimately saved Silver's life and Lilia's own humanity, among the other obvious things.
Henrik also needs to fucking die what a goddamn bastard KILL HIM MALENORA (I know she doesn't make it but I think she should still get to kill this dude AT LEAST)
Silver losing his shit is kind of understandable after all this, I get it. It hurts me to see him blame himself for literally just being born though he did nothing wrong he was an ACTUAL BABY PLEASE THINK RATIONALLY. Literally if anyone else were out in that situation you know this doofus would be like yeah literally none of this was your fault of course you deserve to live and be happy. But shits not that easy I get it.
Also I actually laughed a little during that scene where Lilia finds baby Silver and he's like STOP CRYING BITCH YOU DONT HAVE THE RIGHT
Like dude I get you're mad at yourself and all but your still yelling at a literal baby please stop 😭
Oh bonus points, I ALSO cried when I found out Lilia's Unique Magic is literally called Farcry Cradle. Like. This man who insisted for literal centuries that he wasn't capable of warmth or love and that he didn't like weak things or children and his UM called FARCRY CRADLE.
全ては過ぎ去る日のようにどこへ向かうもの瞬きの間よ、遠くの揺りかごまで
Also Silver was BLONDE???
Also Malleus being like Aw Shit, What Do I Do With This Thing with baby Silver was great. Love that.
Also totally forgot to just say I'm a bit shook that Silver was actually frozen in time for 100+ years and not a descendent. Was genuinely not expecting that.
Also got me FUCKED UP with the acorn bracelet being a gift from child!Silver like how much more emotional damage am I going to have to endure exactly
NOOO BABY OF COURSE LILIA LOVES YOU
Sidenote child Sebek and Silver are adorable
Cackling at child Sebek having Zero Chill.
He'll yeah, Sebek Unique Magic! "Living Bolt" is very appropriate for him! Pimp slap that boy (Silver) awake!
Silver: Malleus and Lilia probably hate me.
Me, out loud: shut the fuck up. Stop letting your lizard brain control you!
Sebek: *proceeds to immediately deck him*
Good job Sebek!
Sebek is so baby honestly.
Sebek is so right, what a king. I really love how Sebek shows Silver that he's loved. Look at how strong you are - who gave you that strength (love?)
Also I'm always a sucker for that trope when a character who doesn't have any self confidence ends up accusing the people who love them of lying, and really their own self-denegration ends up hurting the very people they care about. How hurtful and insulting it is to have your own moral character and your heartfelt affection for a person be tossed aside in favor of propping up someone's self hatred.
When Silver was like they cant love me and Sebek really said don't you fucking disrespect me or Lilia-Sama like that again. Yeah.
Thankfully Silver regains some clarity and they move along shounen-style, very good.
Oh man the battles for this chapter were actually kind of a pain.
Also tbh I don't know how to feel about them using a recolored version if Silver's 2D rig for the Knight of Dawn. It looks off, personally.
Also in a separate post I made, I said Malleus was like an uncle in their quartet but this whole Book has made it fairly clear that he's more of an older brother. With how long it takes for fae to mature, especially long-lived ones like Dragons, it's clear that Malleus is more like a 16 year old whose parents suddenly busted out a new kid.
I'm tired Goodnight
#twisted wonderland#twst#disney twisted wonderland#my twst analysis#lilia vanrouge#twst spoilers#disney twst#twst silver#twst sebek#sebek zigvolt#twst lilia
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hiiii denethor anon here!! wow you’re really IN IT now (denethorposting). not to add more fuel to your anger but last week i saw someone say they hated denethor. and i just realised god they don’t get him even on tumblr do they. since then i’ve been silently fuming in rage. anyway… i am very Very Intrigued by both your faramir-goes-to-rivendell-au and denethor-thorongil relationship (if you ever want to write another 800 words about this, i am here for it 👀) and this line “each of them sharpens himself upon the whetstone of the other…” fuck. fucking insane actually.
unfortunately i won’t be replying for several days (i’ve had to keep my phone in another room to keep myself from getting distracted) . my exams have started AND i’m going through some shit irl :( it’s alright tho i’ll have more Faramir and Denethor Hours soon <- chanting this constantly haha. but i am with you when denethorposting IN SPIRIT okay. oh and can we please please please have denethor december? 🙏 bye will be here soon after my exams (that will be after the 23rd march i’m afraid)
hiii denethor anon <333 i am SO sorry this is so late truly attempting to figure out how to write AND see my friends AND do things like clean my apartment and go to the grocery store while working The Job...it has eaten my life. and this week my regular coffee shop switched their hours bc i live in my old college town and they are on spring break and it has sent me directly to hell. the death of My Routine…i have coped by INCESSANTLY denethorposting on tumblr dot com. i am somehow EVEN MORE in it than i was when you sent this ask. i hope you enjoy me being truly crazyinsane whenever you get a chance to look at all those posts lol. would love 2 hear your thoughts on them. but ANYWAY as always it is so lovely to see you, i'm sorry things have been tough but truly with my whole heart i bestow upon you the strength of denethor's sixty-year psychic war (with none of the associated madness) to make it through. looking at the date i hope you are free now.
here is the mandated readmore because i have never met brevity in my whole life. u said write another 800 words and i took that as a challenge um this post is like 2000 words. well...back on my bullshit
i mean this with all the love and joy in my heart but i laughed so much. no my dear friend they do not get him on tumblr. they have not gotten him on tumblr from the beginning. if you have been spared the incessant tomato jokes i truly…[crying] I Wish I Were You So Bad. this guy doesnt even know about the tumblr denethor slander (POSITIVE) (YEARNING). its the trenches out here for real. i just live in my little bubble with me and you and like four other mutuals/Denethor Understanders and that is it.
speaking of denethor and the rivendell au. i miss the days when i was working on the faramir-in-gondor scenes. emotionally it felt like dying but i kind of knew what was going on. now i am in rivendell taking and failing this history of middle earth exam. and i am so very….the next time we see denethor for real is in return of the king. now girl…how will i survive another 80k words. i miss my boy my dear darling my tortured victim of the narrative. and according to the paragraph i just wrote faramir does too but is Refusing to admit it to himself<3
im also RIDICULOUSLY torn on how i want to resolve his arc. now just between you and me. and anyone who bothers to click that read more. I DONT WANT TO KILL HIM I WANT HIM TO LIVE. GOD I WANT HIM TO LIVE. I WILL WRITE YOU A THOUSAND HAPPY ENDINGS. except its not a happy ending its a you are not allowed to die you are forced to contend with your choices you must keep living ending. because he will always be tragic no matter what. but its ALSO a you can rest now you can be at peace son of gondor you have won your war. all you sacrificed has been worth it. you have given your all when that's what duty asked you for and it has been enough. and that makes my poor heart weep.
like on one hand the idea of resolving his storyline with faramir.......the opportunity for some kind of reconciliation, some kind of understanding between them...god. delicious. i know in my heart that faramir comes home and IS the lord that denethor once dreamed of being. not playing at it...he is high and lordly and gentle and the world bends around his will and he knows exactly what to bow to and when to stand his ground and his powers are honed to a keen edge that he uses with the utmost care and. AUGH. he walks into the citadel the IMAGE of his father. it makes me feel FERAL. and how would denethor react to that. man.
BUT ON THE OTHER HAND HOW DO I END THE STORY. like. LOL. do u know what i mean. likelihood of me being able to just have a triumphant coronation and tie it all up with a bow is soooo small. the narrative contortions i would have to go through. to have denethor accept that and still be in character. Girl....no thank u <3 so we havent worked THAT out yet. like how much of the madness and despair do i want to put into the narrative. We Shall See. IM not politically savvy enough to get real into the weeds with it all so im kind of rotating just. a beautiful set of reunions with the fellowship. eowyn and faramir get engaged. boromir and faramir see all their dreams of a gondor restored come true. we skate over the political minefield and deeply navigate the beginnings of denethor and faramir's relationship in this new world. and among it all, within it all, is hope, and a new dawn. and curtain.
i got distracted but re: we are in rivendell. it IS kind of fun to think about the themes and narratives. i am pushing my Let Faramir (And Denethor) Be Numenorean + Let Numenoreans Be Weird agendas so so sooo hard and i am having the time of my life with that specifically. birds follow him around and pick up the tunes he sings. he hears the voices of the people he loves in his head. he falls into a river and after having a breakdown about it promptly decides that The River Is Testing Him And He Has Passed. he gets to rivendell and INSTANTLY knows that there is someone Very Like Him Here (its elrond. the elrond-elros-faramir connection has me FROTHING at the mouth. faramir looks at elrond and sees his father and sees every statue of elros in minas tirith and Knows that this here is the son of earendil, gil-estel, his brightest north star. elrond looks at faramir and sees his brother, his dear dead doomed brother, and every numenorean descended from him and all their sins and all their glories and yet, kind as summer, sees beauty and knowledge and a strange quiet man who carries all the weight of his country on his shoulders and yet knows him, knows the legends; perhaps the blood of numenor is not yet spent in the south)
i just think that Every Elf that meets faramir along the way is like woah...hold up. there's something up with THIS guy! men ARENT supposed to do that! not anymore anyway! galadriel is Lowkey Threatened by him. and isnt that beautiful. woman who could be queen of the earth sees god's special chosen boy and goes hang on a minute. Fuck. i think they work out their shit by the time the company leaves lothlorien but like...just thinking about how faramir lowkey blamed her for boromir's death in rotk! idk how their dynamic is exaclty gonna manifest but there's definitely some sort of similar mindreader2mindreader tension!
AND. um the idea of faramir travelling with the fellowship discovering that maybe...well. he has never wanted to be a warrior but he has been honed into a blade anyway. by his father and by necessity. and perhaps for the first time in his life...outside of gondor he does not need to be all that. he can be mithrandir's pupil without censure he can be scholarly and witty and cunning - he is all these things, in gondor. but there he has to be them, and now he can discover that yes, this is what he wants to be. and he has never let his father and the expectations of his position STOP him but there is always a weight, there is always the knowledge that your actions are disapproved of, and being away from that for a while is i just think. really good for him. see above re: he comes home the image of his father in a gentler time. keep honking im sitting in my car crying about denethor ii twenty sixth steward of gondor.jpg (<- my greatest creation PLEASE click the link lol)
ALSO IM THRILLED YOU LIKED THAT WHETSTONE LINE LOL i kind of blacked out when i typed it on the page. i think truly the crazy thing about denethor and faramir is that they SHOULD understand each other. they know so much about each other and yet are so incompetent at actually putting it to any good use towards, you know, improving their relationship. faramir is incredibly emotionally intelligent AND can read minds AND has taken so many of what he probably views as denethor's worst traits and turned them to gentler uses. (im talking about his powers but im ALSO talking about that thing he does when he encounters frodo and sam where he plays woe is me my brother is dead and i miss him sooo much to get on their good sides. yes of course he misses boromir more than anything else in the world. no he is not above using it to his advantage. and we see the SAME THING when gandalf and pippin come to minas tirith. hey isn't it crazy that both of them use boromir as a. manipulation chip. even after he's dead. hey thats kind of fucked up actually!) and denethor is…well denethor is denethor. ok im mostly messing around and thought that sentence was funny. i think he Knows most everything that goes on in faramir's head and yet Wilfully Chooses to interpret it in the worst ways because its just soo....very I Thought I Raised You Better Than That/I Honed You To Be My Blade Stop Defying Me. and despite all that the Problem is that they understand each other right up until they don't. they know how THEY feel about each other (incredible love that they can only express in the worst ways/think they're expressing only to be spurned by the other) but cannot POSSIBLY imagine that the other feels the same way.
ive gone on for SO SO LONG ALREADY LOL but. what do i have to say about denethor and thorongil. not enough and too much all at once. they're so toxic and awful for each other they're MADE for each other they're beautiful narrative parallels they're homoerotic besties they're bitter rivals they're pawns in a proxy war they're locked at all times in a psychic psychosexual situationship. um the enemy of my enemy is kissing me with tongue. idk i have more symbolism and actual analysis especially of the denethor-ecthelion-thorongil Issue. but we are just getting into it. so i will start with the situations bc i have two angles for this. on one hand i do think it is very fun if they constantly homoerotically circle each other for years and years and never do a THING about it. like...this is a stitching up wounds wiping blood off each others faces battle couple/situationship situation that THEN turns into a ridiculously high functioning political rival partnership bent together over books long into the night catching each others eye in council meetings using their very real disdain for each other for Manipulation Purposes and getting uh. SO hot over it. like.....Do You Know What I Mean. just. truly unresolved sexual tension THROUGH THE ROOF. it DELIGHTS me. they are always putting themselves in situations. and then NOT making out about it. AND THEY CAN READ EACH OTHERS MINDS!! THE WHOLE TIME!! SO THEY KNOW EXACTLY HOW MUCH THEY WANT EACH OTHER AND STILL ARENT DOING ANYTHING ABOUT IT!!! like thats just really good. but on the other hand.......the idea of just an absolutely terrible beautiful toxic rivals with benefits codependent situationship. i hate you so much and you know what we DO need to make out about it. every time they fuck it is a power play and they are having SO much fun with it. they will both start arguments with each other (AND IN PUBLIC TOO) just so they can fight and make up. the mind reading...Oh You Know What I Mean. taylor swift voice we had this big white city all to ourselves we blocked the noise with the sound of i need you and for the first time i had something to lose! logically thorongil is not yet in his grubby ranger era but the idea of him being dirt smeared all the time and hanging out with prim proper polished denethor. in the fic (which does exist and DOES follow the second model) theres a scene where hes just chilling with his head in denethor's lap and denethor is actually rather delighted and devoting ALL of his copious braincells to pretending not to be. Man. well never say im not a slut for contrast. and now the rest of what i could say is simply straight up redacted for indecency so it is time for this post to be over. the last thing i have to say is that it absolutely ruins denethor's life forever when thorongil up and leaves. sometimes a situationship....anyway. MUCH LOVE TO YOU AS ALWAYS yes we will have denethor december i already have an url saved.
#from the inbox#Anonymous#denethor anon#WAIT I PROMISE ILL TALK MORE ABOUT DENETHOR AND THORONGIL NEXT TIME BUT THE POST WAS ALREADY TWO THOUSAND WORDS#I HAD TO CUT MYSELF SHORT A BIT. I HAVE A LOT MORE TO SAY LOL#i hope this ridiculously long post made up for the THREE WEEKS it took me to reply<3#denethorposting#<- funnily this IS the url i have saved. for denethor december. life is beautiful
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"anyway, go ahead and post your screenshots, like i give a fuck. i never said anything in that server that i don't stand by still, and i certainly never harassed anyone. while you're doing that, maybe go outside and touch some grass. like, seriously. live your life outside in the real world like a normal person and you might realize that nobody gives a flying fuck about your internet temper tantrums."
This is just Peak ironic and hypocrisy of you and your friends given what they were doing in there but I'm sorry that you just want to sweep everything underneath the rug and act like you're forgiven or have Redemption now when you haven't done anything to become a better person lol lmfao even.
It's super duper funny to watching you try to take the high road here 😂 but just know people know the real you twerp
2) Rules for the not we must be very strong motto with you too 😂 But again it's so crazy how you just lied and then immediately resended that lie and tried to wiggle your way out, you want to talk about being racist or sexist or homophobic but wait till the screenshots come out and I'll tag everything appropriately there for you and see how your friend still feel about you but deep down you haven't changed and wont change just like your creepy pals that were in there with you haven't stopped or changed as well but I'm going to guess that you just conveniently avoided all that somehow huh 3) You were so upset over hominis and his wife both racist sexist garbage people 🤡 enjoy your side show clowns ya freakshow 😂 Karma will see to you, don't worry ugly. 4) Awe you're upset of cisnowflake too another horrible sexist racist loser? For all your projecting and positioning you try to do on your page you're still just the same person you have been 2 years ago and even further back because no matter where you go or what you do you are still you Paige and your true colors will bleed back through and you can't change the hate in your heart anymore than you can change how retarded, ironic and hypocritical you are 😂 Cuz again I don't see you renouncing your friends Behavior or what they did or your part in it you're just mad because I'm here calling you out about it while you're trying to save face. I mean again if you truly moved on and are turning this new page relief you could have just apologized or said you know what that situation was horrible but no you double down back to like you always do and will again. Garbage person, simple ass 🤷♂️ 5)Again it's just funny you go from you weren't in any kind of Discord doing harassment or talking shit about people you dont even know and then you admit that you were in there and you stand by everything that you said but then say you've changed and its others problems what you did and caused. Yup that's the way to have integrity and maturity and to get to the next level of being a better person for sure just sleeping everything underneath the rug and flipping everybody off in the process. I hope your life is as "pleasant" as you have been.
I go to bed and then go to work and come back to this word vomit... You might actually be more deranged than the chick from the FMA fandom who was tweaking out about me supposedly being a transphobe. I'm legitimately impressed by your dedication. Honest.
So anyway, this is really funny, I guess since you're on anon like a spineless worm, you're giving me the liberty of having the last word, because I certainly won't be answering any more asks from your crazy ass after this lol
I am friends with very few people in that server. The people who are/were in there at the time that I was also using the server were acquaintances at most, with the vast majority being strangers I'd never met. I never once participated in harassing or being hateful towards anyone while I was using that server. As I said, post your screenshots if it will make you feel big and cool. I do not give a fuck. It's not like I'm going to waste my time looking at whatever "evidence" you think you have on me.
I didn't lie. I said I don't use servers, which is true. I did not say that I've never used servers. 2+ years of not participating in any servers constitutes saying that I do not use servers. You're grasping at straws, it's pretty sad.
When was I ever upset about Hom and his wife? They can take care of themselves. This doesn't even make any sense.
This is actually just really funny. You're here on anon trying to tell me you know me well enough to know whether I've changed as a person. I have, believe me. Just not in my political opinions. I don't need to renounce anything or apologize for anything, because I am not any of the things you are accusing me of being, nor are any of the people you have brought up by name in this weird little mental breakdown you're having in my inbox.
Again, didn't lie. Didn't talk shit about anyone I don't know except for a couple of creepy-ass tumblr losers that were outright stalking a couple of my acquaintances. Perhaps you're assmad because you're one of those stalkers? Much to think about. My life is extraordinarily pleasant, yes, and getting better every single day. Thank you for the well wishes. Happy new year :)
#Anonymous#long post#hall of shame#sorry to everyone who has to see this on their dash#i somehow manage to acquire creepy obsessed fans even though i've been on tumblr like 5 times in the last six months lmao
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Apologies
Warning mention of grooming, sexualizing minors, and nsfw
the grooming allegations.
honestly I didn’t even know my interaction was considered grooming. I never had that intention or even planned to do that. I just didn’t know boundaries or even heard of it. I grew up in an environment where everyone just made dirty jokes and even talk about what they think without filters. Hell even my family openly talked about their sex life.
I also have a hard time trying to understand what is okay and what isn’t in social situations. It’s been a problem I had even when I was a kid.
I wanted to come as a friendly person. So I thought mimicking what my mom does and any other caring person would do would help. I even mimic what I’ve seen people would like to hear. I just didn’t know that it would be taken as grooming.
but that’s not an excuse. And I’m sorry. I didn’t want to make anyone uncomfortable or even feel threatened by me. But I did.
I know that my interaction is going to affect the person for the rest of their life. And I’m sorry. If you don’t believe me and still are angry at me that’s valid! You have every right to be angry at me and not forgive me. But I’m still going to say I’m sorry. As I am truly sorry.
I’ve been working on learning boundaries and how to interact with others. I’ve been going through group therapy and even talk to my therapist about this. I’m not saying I’m all better and that I’m going back online. No i actually plan on staying away from social media in general. And if I do come back it’s going to be in nsfw spaces. I will also go for websites that is adults only. And won’t go to like tiktok,x,tumblr or any website that is targeted to minors.
meaning I won’t use this account to post art or interact with people.
Sexualizing minors
honestly I thought this was about Percy but no it was about Janice. I was confused as I didn’t draw Janice in any nsfw or even drew her sexually. Up until someone confronted me about it.
I remember the post I made about being happy about not caring that people where shipping Panny with Janice . And a lot of people got mad about it and I really didn’t understand. My mind can’t connect things that are obvious. And sometimes I don’t really understand others point of view. It takes me a while to try and understand it.
I didn’t ship the whole Panny x Janice thing. In fact I just mentioned being happy in not hurting anymore. People have been taking Panny and doing whatever the hell they want with her. Even if I go out of my way to ask them to stop.
people have been shipping Panny with a child oc, or other characters. Some have made nsfw of her and send it to me. Which made me really uncomfortable. It hurt badly to see this. So when I saw that I stopped caring I was just happy. So happy to not cry and feel this emotional pain on my chest. I was happy. To not be tormented by this. I know it sounds silly how something like this can affected me so badly to the point of messing with my mental health.
but I was really attached to Panny. She was a comfort character of mine that helped me understand what a happy relationship could look like. And make ridiculous storylines.
and in my train of thought. I thought if I worked with the person that made this Percy’s x Panny x Janice thing it would help me to become immune? I dont know if thats the word. But something that just makes me not be so bothered by it.
but I will make it clear. I don’t draw any nsfw of minors or make a grown up version just to make nsfw of them. I am extremely picky and cautious on what characters I draw nsfw of. I even go out of my way to make sure the characters are 19 or older.
Percy doesn’t have a canonical age. And I’ve have imagined him to be an adult since I was 13.
I’m also very strict with characters that aren’t cannon. Just to avoid making any author of that character doesn’t get uncomfortable like I have when people made nsfw of Panny.
but I’m not going to lie and say I’m a saint. I have drawn nsfw of wiki characters. But after that experience I had. I stopped. And if I do draw those things with the wiki characters I won’t post them. I will only post them if I knew the admins are comfortable with that sort of things
But this is the internet. Not everyone is going to respect you. Not everyone is going to listen. I needed that thick skin that many other popular creators have.
Even if you make boundaries people will go out of their way and purposely disrespect that.
and again I am sorry that I’ve hurt you and your trust.
I’m not planning to come back to social media or post my art. And if I do then it will be nsfw spaces that is specifically only for adults. As I enjoy making nsfw. Plus I would prefer to be in a space where people are comfortable with talking about that sort of things. And I like to meet people around my age.
and if you’re still mad and don’t forgive me that’s valid. Like I said you have The right to be mad at me. And I won’t force you to forgive me. Thats for you to decide. Not me.
I’ve just wanted to make an apology post. For months I wanted to make a apology post.
Another thing. I’ve once gotten into a discoed group cha And got blocked. And honestly that’s the best Thing to ever happen to me. My mental health wasn’t great and I was extremely chronically online. And being blocked gave me the push that I needed to get my shit together.
I’ve only had TikTok but deleted it when someone spam my comments with pedo. Causing me to have a mental breakdown. Honestly it’s ridiculous how I handled that situation. I wished I could have handled that maturely but I didn’t. And I’m sorry.
I’m not planning to use this account. I made sure to not remember the password to this account or have any access to it. As I really don’t want to come back to this account obsessing over something that I have no control over.
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Do people really think he doesn’t know what he’s singing about…..? 😟 Y’all are just mad that he’s acting grown finally
To the anon who said this shit ..i am sorry but if you think that this song is somewhat showing that jungkook is mature or knows about sex i am disappointed in you ..As an army myself... is this what we have come to ..The lyrics are not only disgusting but degrading towards women ..jungkook is a freaking sweet heart he is a man who respects women ..i cant believe that they showed this image of him when the actual jungkook we know (soloist or not) has songs like Euphoria , still with you , my you , stay live , My time and more ...i am no anti or solo stan ..i have loved and still love Bangtan bcz their songs are amazing ..they are so freaking talented ..i watched the mv ..love the feel and overall vibe bcz jk's voice is ❤️✨️ but the lyrics ( i am sorry but A Big NO) i have listened to his cover songs hell ( i would prefer them over this) ..how can people say that being mature means sex sex and sex ..GROW UP people ..Seven was proof that while talking about sex you dont need to degrade women and view them as boring , fuck toys 🙂 i am shocked that RM and SUGA listened to this and didnot even realise what the lyrics are ...if jungkook did know what the lyrics are about and didnot give a fuck that this song is literally giving a typical fuckboy energy and degrades women ..then i am truly disappointed in him as a fan ...I was so excited bcz seeing jungkook being confident in his body and exploring genres ..going outta his comfort zone i was truly happy..
Before you come for me saying saying i am just a hater lemme be clear.. i have been an army for years now and i consider myself lucky that i got to listen to their songs and meet them ...i have supported them whenever i got a chance ( albums , streaming , concert ) and as an adult ARMay , i completely understand what maturity is and what degradation is ..😑 i stream their songs bcz they are worth streaming and people should know how talented these men are but this .. nope
Even before this people were calling him and adding him on the list of queerbaiter bcz of his klien shoot (jk wearing a crop top with smoky make up ) and some imaging him as a fuckyboy / alpha male well this song just gave them another reason to hate on them ..i literally logged out of twitter bcz there were so many shit posts about jimin , jungkook even taehyung 😮��� sucks cuz the jungkook i have listened to is nowhere now and i just see scooter and other assholes using him for his voice and dancing skills and luring him in a pop star dream..
I support them all , i want to see them happy and successful..i got no reason to hate them but people need to stop being biased and not see the reality ..this is coming from the fan who has supported jk's every song and listened to his covers .. he used to express himself through lyrics and his choice of lyrics were just ❤️ used to hit me deep ✨️ i have no issue with people who love this song ( cuz i did love jk's voice too ) but after i properly checked the lyrics i couldnot ..
Whew thats it ..if you think i am talking shit please ignore it y'all bcz ofcourse i am jealous and a hater right (yeah yeah ) ofcourse i dont know shit and i am criticising him bcz i want my innocent kookie back and dont respect him as an adult (right ) 🙄*biggest eyeroll
so, im not sure if you're attacking me with this, too, bc i never took anyone's side and am okay with any opinion y'all have lol 😭 i think the ask was just talking about how jk must know what he's singing about bc someone else asked whether he's aware of the lyrics. while admittedly phrased a lil odd, they probably meant that a lot of armys still see him as the innocent and sensitive young boy bc that's the image hybe tried to maintain for him and now they're offering music about sex to him to give him a more mature look.. i think that's it. i did also add it's probably not bc the other anon was mad but just curious. i agree that sex alone doesn't make anyone mature! i guess by now they're just making these songs to aggressively pull jk away from the doe eye image hybe built for him over the years. i'm not totally loving it either.
but other than that, yeah, i'm not the biggest fan of 3D either. it's absolutely okay if you support it and like it, i will NEVER judge anyone's taste in music just bc it doesn't align with mine — and i agree, we as a community and fan base are totally allowed to dislike something our faves put out bc that definitely happens. i used to enjoy maroon 5's music a lot more back in the days, same with paramore etc, but that doesn't mean we're antis or haters, for sure!! honestly, support what you enjoy, and if it's not your thing and you don't want to stream it, that's okay, too!! idk why there's that much pressure to stream and vote at all lol. but yeah anyway babe, it's super fine to not like 3D. i for one won't ever judge anyone for their opinions as long as we're all respectful with each other and treat other's tastes respectfully as well!!
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September 2007
September 11, 2007
“folie a duex”
sometimes the planets align
sometimes they dont
its like how part of my childhood was stolen when they took planetary status away from pluto
well be there one day
honestly i dont mind you saying fuck you to me-
when you included the "horse you rode in on"
it kind of went to hell
i am sick- like i cant ever get enough sleep or time or words
as this thing grows i become more and more insecure.
cant look anyone in the eyes-
i am paranoid- worried sick that i am not good enough for anyone who looks at me
i know how ridiculous this sounds
trust me
the new video makes me feel the big black sadness
folie a deux is the idea of shared madness- the scientific term for romeo and juliet
i have a feeling that we share that with eachother when you have your headphones on
currently working on: taking it easy-
dont mean to be so heavy just want you to know why i look so gray sometimes lately.
September 14, 2007
after the pornstar john holmes career deflated he turned to showing up at LAX and stealing peoples bags off of the conveyor belt.
i watched someone do this to me at the airport today.
i am obsessed with the change that can turn in the world.
that is what our new video is about.
why was every question about 'how bad is britneys performance gonna be' and not about anything that truly matters in this world.
sometimes the message is more important than the art.
later on we will release a remixed version that includes more of our personal experience in africa.
for now i am content to see the love between these two and the way the civil war that rages around them affects it.
its hard to imagine that they are just like the kids that show up at our shows, only born in a different country...
vintage louis vuitton bags under the eyes
the marlbo-glow
i need him more than he needs me, he needs her more than he needs me and so on.
theres nothing new under the sun
but were reading on existentialism in the shade.
i am so in love with YOU and the idea of YOU listeing to the music and singing the words.
i know its weird but i like to imagine what you are thinking when its playing.
if it werent for that i am not sure where i would turn.
i guess this is another halfhearted thank you. just because you keep tuning in.
"dont you think its insane how donald duck never wears pants?"
life is better when youre around.
but yes i do think its insane.
September 22, 2007
eyes the size of the moon.
iron and wine "the trapeze swinger"
Posted by xoat 1:35 AM
September 26, 2007
isnt it ironic how "ironic" has no ironies in it
havent slept in days.
think i am starting to crack.
my room is thrashed, covered in matter that doesn't matter and i almost cried while watching garden state- i think its not funny anymore.
sick of watching what genius is.
sometimes genius is being completely ordinary.
when i look up at the sky i want to eat the stars.
its daylight again, everything goes back to being boring.
nothing too much to say. just gonna watch the world spin this
Posted by xoat 1:17 AM
September 28, 2007
i dont know if has been apparent or not but in the past year or so i have become so insecure its insane. it blows my mind everytime i leave the house i feel weird. strange. i feel like everything i do ruins something of my friends or my band or the songs i love. i feel like i am constantly on the defense, like i have to work so hard just to make people not hate me that i am not even myself. i havent been able to look the front row of the crowd in the eyes and hide in the back most of the time because i am so insecure with myself.
but for some reason tonight that all changed. the show tonight i connected. i felt the electricity. the light came back on. it felt so good. thank you to all that were there.
sorry. not trying to be a downer or a "poor me" kind of thing, its just been a weird adventure. it feels good to plug back in. this journal entry was one i wrote a year ago this week when i think i was pretty sure id die at age 27 (glad i didnt):
"i couldnt stay away.
the words are obsession and always have been.
heartache lite. diet love.
i am a catch and release boy.
kind of.
put summer in a pine box.
i went to sleep in june and woke up in the middle of september.
making out on stretchers, getting some in the back of an ambulance.
my hips are dry docked.
love is incidental.
the best verus the rest.
'they wipe their feet on our dreams'.
ive got 27 years hiding in the smile wrinkles of my eyes. the real ones and the fake ones take up the same space in the skin.
noone gives a fuck about eyes that are always leaking.
besides youre just hushing headboards that are always creaking.
its become apparent that there may be no one thinking of you the way i do at this very moment.
were "out of the woods"
but i am in love with the tree i used to lie under.
eyes green with envy or brown and full of shit.
or somewhere in between.
i want this to be a remix of our nighttimes."
the smiles lately have all been real. except sometimes its hard to smile when theres a camera in your fae and your just trying to get through the day. gonna try to fuck up less. nothing poetic about it: maybe things are about to get better, maybe theyre gonna get darker. i am in love with everything that is broken and sometimes i like it that whats broken is in love with me. forever kids are magnets for eachother.
anyway, finally got the chance to catch up on my insomnia and read a bunch of your letters. they keep my head straight when i get it cloudy. thanks for sticking it out with me- not like as some guy on a stage- but as an honest connection. it means alot.
ok back to being negative and pouty.
sleep tight or have a good day.
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(sharing some ventish shit i wrote last month instead of following my lessons)
(haha i hope she doesn't find my account or im doomed)
guys i miss my partner so bad right now you have no fucking idea i hope she's not mad at me for stuff because if she is i might go insane
idk everytime she's kinda off im scared that she's upset because of something i've done or said to her and i dont want her to be upset because of my shitty actions anymore. i overthink a lot and i end up crying and trembling because im a piece of shit. i sure am a piece of shit that's why nobody fucking likes me but her. i want to see her again and tell her how sorry i am and make a decent apology for all the awful things she had to suffer because of me. i want to make her feel like she doesn't have to hide anything from me, but i scared her and she's probably still here with me because of a trauma response and not because she actually wants to be with me. i just want to fix all of this and live as if nothing happened, but i know it won't be possible. actions have consequences and i still have to learn that. i just want to be able to talk to her about anything and anyone without it being one sided and shit and i also want to be understood and listened by her. i want to hold her close and give her all the affection i haven't given her during the whole problematic relationship, i hope she will appreciate it even though i think she's going to forget it right after i do it. she's got lots of other people with her and everyone is kind and includes her everywhere and i don't see why she would still look for me and waste time. i really want to kiss her cheeks and show her that i truly love her. i love almost everything about her (yeah there are always things we don't like about someone but that doesn't mean their personality is based off that thing lol): she can be so genuine when she wants to and she's VERY cringe and corny, but in a positive way. i love how she's so emotional and tries her best to understand people. i wonder what goes through her head everyday and i wish i could shut it off. i love her ways of showing affection to me because they're genuine and corny as fuck and i love corny people. i love her red hair, it's not usual to be in a relationship with a ginger and as much as i joke about me hating gingers i think she is very pretty, even though I can't really look at her face and keep eye contact with her idk why. but still sometimes i literally panic when she does something flirty with me. i don't know tbh, i've got lots of feelings for her bit at the same time im scared of being too much and also being dependant on her, but i hope not. i would only choose her through anyone.
this is so fucking corny i know and im not used to writing this kind of things but i truly love that girl. i really hope i can be her first choice because she's mine, and i wish she could see herself the way i see her everyday.
#wlw#ginger ppl#ginger#i miss my gf#fuck this shit#vent#wlwvent#crying out loud#why does it have to be like this#se la mia bitch non ha lo smalto bianco non la scopo nella street#what am i gonna do when she moves out jjahahajhahahahh
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Still not done gushing because ✨️hyperfixation✨️
The jokes are subtle and really dorky.
Like Mr. magorium has a toy mallet that squeaks. Mutant and Molly are arguing and you just hear the squeaking of the mallet with him going "order"
Even the hospital scene while sad, has so many undertones of jokes.
"He says he's 242 years old"
"242?!?! I'm 243 you were at my birthday. You brought me balloons"
Or when Molly is obviously lying (only to us and Mr magorium)
"Why are you lying my dear?"
"Because you have to live"
"But your pants will catch fire"
"I don't care"
Watching this movie as an adult (as I never got the chance to as a child sadly) it is a sweet movie. Talks about death in a way a child would understand. You feel sad, but there is nothing to do about it as things die. Not to mention the quotes are just beautiful.
Here are my favorites (there's a lot)
"We breathe. We pulse. We regenerate. Our hearts beat. Our minds create. Our souls ingest. 37 seconds, well used, is a lifetime."
"We must face tomorrow, whatever it may hold, with determination, joy and bravery"
"I fell so completely in love with these shoes, I bought enough pairs to last my whole lifetime... This is my last pair."
"All stories, even the ones we love, must eventually come to an end and when they do, it's only an opportunity for another story to begin."
"A stroke, you unbrookable ninny. The only stroke I have ever had is one of genius."
Doctor: What are you doing?
Mr. Edward Magorium: I'm practicing the euphonium.
Doctor: The what?
Mr. Edward Magorium: I'm thinking of giving a concert in the psyche ward tomorrow.
His closing monolog:
"When King Lear dies in Act V, do you know what Shakespeare has written? He's written "He dies." That's all, nothing more. No fanfare, no metaphor, no brilliant final words. The culmination of the most influential work of dramatic literature is "He dies." It takes Shakespeare, a genius, to come up with "He dies." And yet every time I read those two words, I find myself overwhelmed with dysphoria. And I know it's only natural to be sad, but not because of the words "He dies." but because of the life we saw prior to the words.
[pause, walks over to Molly]
Mr. Magorium: I've lived all five of my acts, Mahoney, and I am not asking you to be happy that I must go. I'm only asking that you turn the page, continue reading... and let the next story begin. And if anyone asks what became of me, you relate my life in all its wonder, and end it with a simple and modest "He died."
Molly Mahoney: [starting to sob] I love you.
Mr. Edward Magorium: I love you, too.
[picks Molly up, sighs heavily]
Mr. Edward Magorium: Your life is an occasion. Rise to it."
Like, sorry........ WHAT. MAKE ME SOB. WHY DONT YOU!
The quotes are funny, but they are also sad. People have said they hated the movie because it felt flat and childish. It is a child's movie. it's supposed to be childish. There is a meaning behind the movie. The only thing I wasn't the biggest fan on would be the ending after Mr. magorium's funeral. It did feel a bit rushed. It is ok to mourn a bit longer. I get it's a movie but if someone I truly loved just died ima be a mess for the next week and that's sobbing mess week, I don't think I'd ever truly be "fine."
Call me dramatic, but if I just said goodbye to someone I loved I wouldn't be smiling so fast, unless it was a bitter sweet smile.
I do wish we got to know more about Mr. magorium's life, but the brief bit we did know I'm glad we did see.
Anyways hopefully, me ranting about this, like a mad woman, would finally help this hyperfixation, but there are no fanfictions for me to fall back on.
Ok I need to write about this movoe or I'm going to go crazy. This is an amazing kids movie. That simple. The words are great but also the imaging is amazing as well. The framing of the scenes is just, chefs kiss.
The lighting alone towards Mr magorium is always bright with some form of light around him or on him.
Expessually, his ending scene. The shop is dark, and him in his white stripped suit, basically glowing. We know it's his end, but the way it framed with his closing monolog is just beautiful.
#mr magorium's wonder emporium#i swear im normal#i swear im not crazy#im just an emotional thing#let me cry#but omg is great#why couldnt the movie be based on the book and not the other way around? i want more#i need more#why no fancitions?
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Rating the Signs as big 3 Placements
(Sagittarius, Pisces, Leo, Virgo)
Sagittarius:
sun: whoopsie, i dont know. Most of them are really great to have conversations about mysterious and weird topics, like aliens and the universe as a whole, i enjoy that so lets put the positive stuff first. What im not enjoying on the other hand, is them being very competitive, even with their closest people. Also when theyre mad, they are gonna talk about u behind ur back and think of very evil and scary ways to get revenge, 6/10 tho
moon: i really do like sag moons. I think i mentioned this in one of my posts already, but: Theyre SO uplifting, supporting and caring! I really like how they always find a way to catch you when ure falling. Maybe theyre extremely stubborn and dont like being wrong in whatever aspects, but yeah, lets put that aside! giving them a good 8/10
rising: Sag risings are really to die for, not trying to be dramatic. Theyre extremely creative, also deep. My first take on sag risings is always "mhm, i dont think it would work out" and then boom, they show you their real persona and whats behind this mask. Really loveable creatures, they just seem a bit off. giving them 8/10
Pisces
sun: I dont like them. Listen here, im not trying to be a bitch and im not the person to feed into stereotypes, but with pisces suns its just TRUTH. they will try to hide their insecurities by acting confident, instead of actually trying to get better, what makes them come off as self centered and arrogant, even tho theyre not. Also most of the time, sorry not sorry, - theyre AWARE of the fact that theyre toxic but wont do shit about it because just sitting and being miserable sounds easier than actually digging into the dark parts of oneself. 3/10
moon: pisces moons are actually very sad to watch. Theyre more on the introvert side than the extrovert, u'd think theyre very quiet and private people. What most dont know about them tho, is that they live inside their heads and if u would take a look inside, u'd be surprised. Their head and mind is their own little world, their own little universe. Its chaotic, always moving. There is so much going on inside of them and if u get to know them, u will find out how deep and interesting they really are. Dear pisces moons, let us be part of your inner world and your beauty, dont hide. 8/10
rising: ohhhh HELL YES. Idk about you people, but to me, they have such a mystical, interesting look to them. Lagoona blue from monster high vibes and i said what i said. Very creative, also intuitive, maybe interested in the occult and so called "taboo" topics. Maybe theyre even activists, trying to help out and raise awareness where they can. Just as with pisces moons: they come off as private people, but probably would have an more interesting life story than most of us. 9/10
Leo
sun: Its a yes from me, but somehow a no, too. Leo women? GIVE IT TO ME! Leo men? well, only if evolved. What i like about leo suns is their confidence and the way they present themselves. U'd notice a leo sun everywhere they go, believe me there. If unevolved, they can be one hell to deal with, i gotta admit that (but also hella fun) - If evolved tho, theyre SUCH angels and actually very aware of themselves and their actions. Theyre the ones to push you to be the best version of yourself, i vibe with it. 9/10
moon: Its actually a yes too! Theyre so complex, hard to understand - but only if ure not open minded! To vibe with them, u have to be evolved - sorry not sorry. If not, theyre going to push you till you are. And that, not really in comfortable ways for you. They truly dont mean no harm and trying to help out, but its really not for all people, especially if ure sensitive. Keep an eye out i guess and let them do their job, u will thank them sooner or later. 9/10
rising: yeah, idk. To me, theyre fake leos and im not even sorry ☠️ They come off as leos, but not really in the same font. Instead, to me, theyre way worse! Its like those cheap nutella-copy products ur mom wants u to buy. To me they have more of the traits that virgo suns have. Perfectionists, egocentric, analytical but not in a good way - and always searching for something they can talk and gossip about. They constantly break down ur life instead of worrying about themselves and call it "trying to help" - (No darling, u just like putting ur 2 cents in that no one asked for) 5/10
Virgo
sun: once again a no, im sorry at this point :( Even tho i have to say, YES they seem very kind, caring, even supporting and accepting, but if u look closer, ure finding nothing of it all. They are always up everyones ass, as i mentioned in one of my posts aswell. Just like pisces suns, theyre making themselves something they arent. I actually believe they could be such great friends, they just have to better themselves and watch how theyre handling their own emotions. Both of them project their insecurities onto others and make it their problem to handle. Please, virgo and pisces at this point: Get ur hands dirty, do shadow work and you both are great to go! 4/10
moon: oh well, we're talking about me here (this doesnt better anything to be honest) - I feel like virgo moons are very, very serious when it comes to their own feelings and mind, theyre warding it from anything or anyone. Thats where i think they have something from scorpios: They want to know everything about you, but you cant know anything about them and if so, you probably get rejected sooner or later because it would be too dangerous to get hurt. Very analytical, skeptical and calculating people. We really need that emotional safety to actually come out of our comfort zone but IF we do, u'll get to know a new person! still complex tho- 8/10
rising: I dont wanna start a new stereotype but: Am i the only one that kind of noticed how virgo risings look like those pinterest-indie-kids? Its either that or the grunge kids u always see on instagram as an outfit inspo. Im actually invested! They really possess that motherly/caring vibe ure instantly familiar with and feel comfortable around, im a definitely a fan! 9/10
#astrology#astrology horoscope#astro notes#astrologie#astro community#astro observations#astro icons#astroworld#astroloji#horoscope#horoskop#sternzeichen#starsign#star signs#zodiac side of tumblr#zodiac#zodiac signs#my observations#virgo moon#virgo#sagittarius#leo#pisces#astrophysics#pisces rising#pisces moon#sagittarius rising#sagittarius moon#monthlyhoroscope#daily horoscope
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Stuck With Me (3)
Summary - Draco’s POV on losing his soulmate
Draco Malfoy x Reader
Word Count - 3.5k
AN- I am so sorry this took so long, I hope you all enjoy it!
Part 1 2
taglist - @lonely-kermit @lifeasdreamgirl @mera-shifts @abbyloubaton @clumsilyclueless @confusedscreaminggremlin @seanh-boredom @weasleysmalfoyxstyles @thefandomplace @mayempress @shadyrose66622 @jay-jay-love @ktvia @lovebynorth @sweet-creature98 @remmyswritings @chaoticgirl04
Sometimes Draco thought about how different his life would be had he not left you, had you not gotten hurt and lost your fucking memory.
It was truly ridiculous, the universe was actively conspiring against him, he was sure of it.
His current living situation just proved that further to him. “Wake the fuck up.” Blaise said slowly pouring water on his face even though Blaise himself was evidently groggy. “I will kill you.”
“Looking forward to it.”
Draco was unsure as to why Blaise had chosen to live in a crappy apartment when his family Manor was free. He missed his silk sheets and expensive pillows. Yet sadly the ministry had decided they wanted to take that leaving Draco on Blaise’s smelly consignment store couch. Had he gotten completely cut off by his family? Perhaps, it would make the disgustingly plain beans and toasts they ate daily make a lot more sense. He’d hate to think that Blaise fed them this by choice.
“Guess who wrote.” Blaise said, wiggling a letter in Draco’s face.
“Loud ginger?”
“Loud ginger.” He confirmed dropping it in on Draco’s face. “You should answer her before we get a howler, then we’ll really see how loud the ginger can get.” Draco looked at the letter, Ginny’s name was scrawled on the envelope and the aggressiveness of the signature made him heavily considering not opening it but the possibility of getting a howler from her convinced him otherwise.
Draco,
You are the worst and I hate you. I’m not sure if you care anymore given that you have refused to make contact with her but y/n is doing fine. I mean sure she’s been asking about her soulmate and lying to her is slowly killing me, but I’m glad you and Blaise are having fun in your bachelor pad and that you have successfully cleared your amnesiac soulmate out of your head.
Looking forward to hearing your pathetic excuses,
Ginny Weasley.
It was way too fucking early for this.
-
Things were strange.
You had gotten most of your memories back but everything was very different than what you remembered, everyone was different after the war.
The Weasleys, oh the poor Weasleys, they were like your family but the life has been sucked out of them without Fred. They had all tried to hide it from you, they believed you were already going through enough and you didn’t need their problems too. Ginny especially, she hadn’t left your side since you woke up. You kind of felt bad for Harry because whenever he wanted to spend some one on one time with Ginny she always insisted you tagged along.
For example whatever the fuck this current situation was.
“I’m really sorry Harry.” You whispered to him. “I told her I’d be fine alone.”
At first it had sort of made sense how careful everyone had been around you, but at this point it was exhausting. You would walk into a room and it would just go silent. You lost your memory, not your basic communication skills.
“It’s fine, I understand Ginny can be quite persistent.”
“What about me.” Ginny said hooking her arms with the both of you.
“Just that I don’t think I should be going on your dates anymore, it’s kind-“
“Ginny.” Harry said interrupting you pointing towards a boy down the street. He was blonde and lanky, shifting his weight from foot to foot.
You had seen Ginny mad, in fact it was one of the first things to come back to you. Her calm fury was something that hadn’t remained constant since she was young and right now you saw it on her face as she stared daggers into the boy.
She scoffed. “I’ll be back.”
“This might take a while.” Harry said quietly, shaking his head. “Come on we can meet Ginny there.” You stole a glance across the street as Harry dragged you away. Ginny was yelling at the boy but he didn’t seem to care because he wasn’t looking at her he was looking at you. You felt your face heat up and you looked away from him following Harry. “Who was that, should I know him?”
Harry paused for a minute.
He had that face that people had whenever they were walking on eggshells around you.“He went to school with us but I don’t think you two were ever friends.” The way he didn’t look you in the eyes screamed to you that he was lying.Harry was always a horrible bloody liar.
-
It was really hard for Draco to process what Ginny was saying. Her anger had gone right to her face and Draco had been silently betting with himself as to how long it would take for her face to turn the same color as her hair. “Your face is really red.” Draco said, struggling to hold back his laughter. “Are you drunk.” Ginny said stoically.
Was he? It was likely, he honestly couldn't remember the morning or yesterday. The days were sort of blending together.
“Malfoy.” Ginny said. Usually when people used his name they were yelling at him or were angry at him. But Ginny said it with pity which somehow felt worse.
“I don’t get why you're doing this to yourself.” She said. “You’re miserable.” He deserved to be miserable.
“It’s for the best.”
“How’s that.”
Draco had no interest in divulging his feelings to weaslette of all people, but it seemed his judgement was slightly impaired by the alcohol he may or may not had been drinking. “I’m going to fucking Azakban Ginevra,I just dont see the point in telling her I’m her soulmate and possibly facing rejection just for me to be thrown in Azkaban for the rest of my life.” Draco huffed. “Even if she somehow forgave me, I doubt the dementors will be allowing conjugal visits.”
“There are no more dementors at Azkaban, Kingsley got rid of them.”
Now normally Draco was against hitting girls but he was considering it heavily. “Thank you Weasley. I feel way better, I’m sure Azkaban is a paradise now. Remind me to send Kingsley a thank you letter.”
“Draco.” Ginny said.
Gross, hearing Ginny say his first name with pity felt even worse.
“You’re not going to Azkaban, Harry agreed to speak at your trial.”
“Oh great he’ll testify to the one time I helped him, I’m sure it’ll cancel everything else out.” He said. “I’m not a good person Weasley, that’s why I know I’m going to Azkaban, because I deserve it.”
“Is that why you’re staying away from y/n?” Ginny said even angrier than before. “Is this some sort of self punishment.”
Draco stayed quiet.
“Merlin, Draco go to fucking therapy.” Ginny huffed. “You’re not the only one that’ll suffer because of your self pity. She needs her fucking soulmate back, as much as I hate you for everything you’ve put her through I can’t argue with the fucking universe and neither can you.”
“Exactly.”
“What?”
“I shouldn’t have fucking gotten involved with her in the first place, it’s only put her in danger.” He took a deep shaky breath. “And her losing her memory was the universe’s way of telling me to stay away.”
He had known for a long time that she was too good for him
It was dark and he was tired, turns out making potter stinks badges and teaching all of Slytherin clever chants was demanding. Draco wasn't really paying attention to his surroundings as he walked back to his dorm until of course he heard quiet sobs. He was a firm believer that crying in public was pathetic, especially in a hallway where anyone could stumble across you. And he might’ve told them that had it not been you. He had been thinking about you, not that he would ever tell anyone that ever. But how could he not, you were his soulmate and that had to mean something.
He barely had time to think as his feet moved on their own bringing him in front of you.
“Why are you crying.”
Merlin, could he have been any less compassionate.
“Why do you care Malfoy.” You said.
He hated the way you looked pretty even if your eyes were all puffy and your face was all red.
“I don’t.”
He did. He even started to walk away for dramatic effect of course.
“I’m scared.” It felt weird to hear sincere words from you that weren't you yelling at him, and he hated the fact that he didn't hate it. “Harry has his first task tomorrow he could get hurt or worse.”
“I wouldn’t worry about that. Don’t tell him I told you this but he has to be some sort of invincible to defeat Voldemort at the age of 1. Don't you think?”He could hardly believe the words he was saying.
“I suppose you’re right.” You finished off.
Draco sat tensely, he wasn't exactly sure what to do. He couldn't hug you could he? No that would be seriously overstepping. You would probably punch him in the face, again. After all you had been the one who wanted to forget about the whole soulmate thing and of course you were a halfblood and a gryffindor on top of that. It would never work.
For once he hated being right.
-
You were actively weighing how likely it was for Ginny to kill you if you woke her up.
Very, is what you eventually came up with. Maybe you could play the amnesia card.
“What do you want y/n.” Ginny grogged from under her. “I’ve been listening to you shifting around for the last hour.”
You had been staying at the Weasley’s and you had absolutely refused to take Fred’s bed so that had resulted in a cramped hammock floating in Ginny’s room.
You turned around to face her with a sorry look on your face.
“Did I know that boy, the one you were yelling at.” You said. “I just feel like I knew him.”
Ginny was quiet the same way Harry was. “No.” She said turning away from you. “No you didn’t.”
“Ginny-”
“Y/n please don’t.” Ginny said, cutting you off. “It’s not for me to tell, if it was believe me you’d already know.”
“I want to go.”
“Go where.”
“To Hogwarts.”
It was embarrassing. Everyone had gone already; they had been able to at least attempt to cope with the trauma they had endured. And you who couldn't even remember the bloody war couldn't work up the nerves to go.
Ginny stared at you for a bit before muttering. “Hermione and Ron are going soon, they’ll likely let you join them.” You were about to make an argument about going on your own before Ginny turned back around nonverbally telling you that the conversation was over.
You still couldn’t sleep and not from lack of trying. Your mind was whirring, ever since you had seen Ginny yell at the boy your lack of memory seemed to be feeling different. And your fear was beginning to settle in, your doctor said that some memories may never come back and that thought made you sick to your stomach. You didn’t feel all that different, Ginny said you were the same whenever you asked. But she could be lying (since she seemed to be in the habit of doing so these days) and you would never know because you had amnesia.
-
Draco was regretting not taking his plea deal. He would much rather be sleeping in Azkaban than waking up on Blaise’s concerningly uncomfortable couch to an angry looking ginger towering over him. No one seemed to value his rest and it was getting ridiculous. He pressed his eyes closed and pull his blanket further over his face in hopes that maybe Ginevra would disappear. Sadly that was not the case and Ginny ripped the blanket off of him leaving Draco quite cold.
Ginny stared down at him as she stood impatiently at the foot of the couch.
“Blaise someone broke into your flat.”
“I noticed mate.” Blaise said who looked just as exhausted hunched over his coffee.
“We need to talk.”
“We talked remember, or were you drunk too?”
Ginny did not look amused and Draco almost felt bad for being so difficult but then he remembered he didn't care.
“Y/n’s going to Hogwarts with Ron and Hermione. She’s likely going to get her memories back.” Ginny said. “Thought you should know.”
Draco sat up. “Okay.”
“Okay?” Ginny said taking a deep breath. “You need to be there.”
“How so?”
“She’s going to remember all the shitty things you’ve done to her and are yet to apologize for and you’re going to lose your soulmate for good.”
“I don't see how me being there will change that.”
Ginny didn't answer him rather she walked towards his chimney. “You know what, screw you. I truly do not care if you go, I just thought you should have the choice that's all.”
Ginny didn't look at Draco, rather giving Blaise a short nod before using the floo to go back to the Burrow.
Draco let himself fall back down to the couch as he listened to Blaises loudly chow down his cereal.
“So are you going to go?” Blaise said his mouth still full.
He felt bad for Blaise’s mum all that money on etiquette lessons for what?
“No.” Draco said, burying his head in his pillow.
“You’re a tosser.”
“I can live with that.”
He could and he has. If he had a sickle for everytime he was called some variation of ‘tosser’ he certainly would not be sleeping on Blaise’s couch.
“I’m calling Pansy.” Blaise didn’t scare him, not in the slightest. But Pansy was another story, Pansy scared everyone, especially the people that loved her which sadly included Draco. “I will kill you.”
“You’re just saying that cause you know she’ll knock some sense into you.”
“I have a lot of sense.” Draco groaned. “In fact I have too much sense.”
Blaise ignored Draco’s exaggerated groans as he called Pansy.The call was short or maybe it was long, all Draco knew was that Pansy was standing over him with that look on her face.
“I’m not going, and you’re not changing my mind Pansy.”
“Blaise leave.” Pansy ordered.
Blaise looked insulted. “This is my house.”
“You call this a house?”
Blaise huffed mumbling under his breath curses at Pansy.
“That was rude.”
“So you're going to lecture me on rudeness now, that's rich coming from you.”
“I dont care.”
“You look and smell like shit, I can tell you ‘don’t care’.” Pansy said.
Never in her life had Pansy been one to sugar coat things and apparently she had no intention of starting to do so. Draco was going to argue it was the couch but he realized he couldn't remember the last time he showered so he kept his mouth shut. Draco a year ago would’ve drowned himself in the black lake had he known he’d come to be like this.
“Fuck off.”
“I’m pulling the card.”
“Pansy no that’s not fair.” Draco said sitting up.
“Fair?”
Poor choice of words.
“Draco, do I have to remind you my soulmate is dead, I stopped feeling tugs and being able to talk to my soulmate when i was 13. Your soulmate is alive by some fucking miracle, and frankly you’re being a selfish prick.”
“Oh.” He always hated when Pansy talked about it. Not because he didn't care but according to Pansy because he cared too much and the last time he had shown any sign of pity towards Pansy it had not gone well for him.
“What lies do you have Ginevra feeding her, does she think she has no soulmate, does she think her soulmate is dead?”
“She doesn’t think she has a soulmate.” Draco said in a low voice, he wasn't proud of what he was doing but he also knew he had no choice. “She was in her coma during the tug. I figured by the time the next one rolls around I have something figured out.”
“And what about you.” She asked. “She may not remember you but you’ll remember her, you'll never forget that you have a soulmate out there that you refuse to see.”
“I won't let myself ruin her.”
“She’s a grown woman, I find it demeaning that you don't see her capable of making her own damn choices.”
“What?”
“You think she'll hate you, you think she’ll be ruined, you think she’s better off. What about what she thinks? You think she'd be okay with you slowly killing yourself?”
“You're a bitch Pansy.”
“So I’ve been told.” She looked towards the clock.
“Come on lets get you something to eat.”
She reached her hand out for Draco to grab.
“I can walk to the kitchen without holding your hand thank you very much.”
Pansy rolled her eyes and grabbed onto Draco’s arm.
“What are you-”
Draco’s sentence was cut off by Pansy apparating them both out of the loft.
-
Draco had gone to his fair share of therapy, did it ever work? no, Draco would rather die before talking about his feelings with a stranger but he had been taught his fair share of anger exercises . And Merlin did they come in handy, truly it was the only thing keeping him from throttling Pansy as she stood there with a smug face looking at the rubble that once was Hogwarts.
“Pansy.” Draco said slowly.
“Shut up, look she’s right there.”
“I’m not ready Pansy.” Draco said wiping his palms on his pants out of stress. “I wanted to bring her flowers.”
“flowers?”
“Forget me nots.” He said with a sardonic dry chuckle. “It was our unofficial flower, ironic isn’t it.”
“The fact that you have an unofficial flower makes me want to throw up.”
“I need flowers.” He said. Pansy groaned before searching the grass. She picked up a dandelion swirling her wand transfiguring it into a bouquet of forget me nots.
“Here, go.” He was about to give another excuse but Pansy apperated away. The one time he needed her she leaves.
He wasn’t exactly sure how he was supposed to approach her without seeming like a stalker.
His thoughts were disrupted by Hermione and Ron walking up to him. He wanted to turn around so bad but he had no doubt that if he did so Hermione and Ron wouldn’t hesitate to curse him.
“Granger, Weasley.” He said sticking his hands as deep as his pockets would allow him.
“I didn’t think you were going to come.” Hermione said.
Draco shrugged.
“Just go talk to her.” Ron said.
“Thats why Im here.”
Ron mumbled something under his breath but Draco didn’t feel like fighting Weasley.
Draco had never felt such anxiety because of another person. He had always been confident and walked around like he owned the world, but now he felt scared.He watched you as you traced your hands across the bricks of Hogwarts, his steps faltering as he came closer to you.
“Hi Y/n.” He called out.
You turned to look at him. Draco’s heart felt heavy at the way you looked at him, not any recognition in your eyes. You had once looked at him with such love, then such hate but now you looked at him with nothing. because right now that’s what he was to you, and it broke his heart.
“You.” You said stepping closer. “You were the one talking to Ginny.”
“I wouldn’t really call it talking, she yelled I stood there.”
“Ginny does that a lot.” You shrugged.
“Yeah.” He said.
You spotted the flowers in his hands.
“I’m sorry, who did you lose?”
His hands tightened on the flowers.
“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.” You said. “I lost my friend Fred, and my memory. But I don't feel like I lost it since I can't remember ever having it. But I miss Fred.”
He studied every centimeter of your face noting the subtle changes he didn’t notice the last time he saw you as you rambled on about Fred anxiously.
“You.” He said voice wavering. “I lost you.”
You stayed quiet for a second.
“I’m sorry I-“
“don’t know who I am?” He said with a dry laugh. “I was sort of expecting that.”
You didn’t say anything studying his face for anything that sparked a memory in you.
He dug through his jacket pocket pulling out a photo.
His hands were sweating and he tried his best not to touch your hand. Partially because he didn’t want you to feel his sweaty hands and because he feared he would break down at the realization that you were finally here in front of him.
“I’m Draco and you’re my soulmate.” He said
-
AN THIS IS NOT THE LAST PART THE LAST PART WILL BE THE NEXT PART
#draco malfoy x reader#draco malfoy imagine#draco malfoy#ginny weasley x reader#hp imagine#harry potter#harry potter x reader#hinny#ronmione#hp#draco#malfoy#x reader#stuck with me#angst
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major vent post incoming. if you dislike rwby negativity then do not click read more. Just my opinions, feel free to disagree- its just therapeutic for me to write it out.
Perhaps this is a hot take but I wish it had taken longer for whitley to accept weiss back. I wish he hasn't hugged her back, not until later. At least have weiss earn that. I really dislike how all it took was whitley proving to weiss that he wasn't a bad person, but not the other way around. I know Whitley didn't do it for her, but it was the act in and of itself that weiss needed. Whitley proved himself to weiss that he wasn't like their father, but what did Weiss do to prove *directly* to whitley that he could trust her not to hurt him again? In fact, everything she did up until the Schnug (tm) point only would make it worse (and I'm sorry I don't accept the writers saying she was "standing up to whitley" truly they can fuck off with their abuser logic bs. I really shouldn't expect anything from them but I'm still disappointed).
But instead, weiss gets everything she wants while never acknowledging whitley's valid anger towards her. Hell, whitley never acknowledged his own issues with weiss in a constructive way. It was solely between willow (his abuser) and weiss (the person he's mad at). They don't talk about their problems, whitley's anger is just hugged away because weiss realizes that he's a good person. And it just really funny when Weiss says "I didn't forget about you" when you realize that whitley wasn't even in on it. He never knew that willow asked her weiss not to forget him. Because. They. Never. Talked. About. It.
Take willow's "you left him here alone with us" line out of v7, and what would have changed? Would Weiss have *not* tried to argue with may that you shouldn't leave you family to die? Would weiss have not saved saved whitley from being mauled to death? Would she have continued to be mad even after he called klein? How did that line at all affect weiss in a direct way? I'm not talking about some obscure asspull from one line she says. Because what weiss says to anyone who isn't whitley doesn matter more than what she should have said to him.
I just don't like it, I'm sorry. Weiss and winter get so many great scenes together to develop their relationship, but we can't even get Weiss to acknowledge she hurt Whitley and to be held to it in any meaningful way. I'm not asking that Weiss flog herself, but my god the bare minimum acknowledgement is required to whitley himself. Not willow. Not her friends. To whitley. Because he is the one she hurt. They can't even have a conversation.
And it's because Whitley just isn't allowed to be angry. He isn't allowed to be upset at his sisters because when he is it's brushed aside as him being a "mini Jacques" and "upholding what the schnee name used to mean" by the fandom and the writers themselves. We can't let Weiss look bad! One good line isn't enough to flesh out a character's issues, especially when it's not built on top of later in any meaningful way and resolved in a completely one-sided way. (Which reminds me why I am so not excited for whatever they have in store for winter and whitley. I dont have any faith anymore. Not really).
And while I'm on this, "trust is risk"... No, just no Weiss. You don't get to say that. Not as it relates to Whitley. Not when she never risked a single thing in ""trusting"" Whitley because she never did until he came to her first. Whitley was the one who took a risk. Weiss did everything she could to make Whitley feel even more alone and scared. It was Whitley who came forward and did something good for her friend, making him vulnerable on front of everyone, on the risk that Weiss might just abandon him anyways again. It was Whitley who decided trust is risk, not both of them. Weiss doesn't get to be a part of that like she risked anything by her actions. Everything surrounding weiss and whitley is just so unintentionally manipulative, I don't know how anyone edited that script and greenlit it.
*sigh*
And I really don't want to be told to "wait for it". I've waited for it since v4. And what I've gotten thus far has shown me that it's not of good quality and thats all I'm really going to get.
And some will try to argue that it's too much to expect from Weiss. As if her being a good person and not a the smug bastardization of the character I love is 'too much'. "She shouldn't apologize!" Because apparently being a mean little sibling is somehow more of a grevious sin than being abandoned and never given a second thought by your family.
And don't even get me fucking started on willow. No, her "even I'm above drinking in the dark" joke wasn't funny. Not when she had been criminally neglecting whitley. Not when she left him completely alone during an apocalypse, never once checking him on his emotional or physical well-being. Not when the lights going out is somehow more important to her than being there for her son. And they just don't... Acknowledge it. It's insane to me that whitley just continually gets treated like crap by his entire family and it's swept under the rug because they just don't let him die that one time. And also because theyre woman and sad :(
Seriously, if I was whitley I would go completely no-contact with willow, weiss and winter the first moment I get. Jesus. Especially after v8.
And I don't want every excuse to be made for winter in v9 or V10 or whatever the fuck. I don't want whitley to have to prove himself to her. I don't want her abandonment of whitley to just be excused and made light of. Because she really doesn't care about him and it shows! I don't want him to be winter's little emotional support sibling so she can feel better about herself because she lost weiss and realized that she can somehow make up for it by finally giving a fuck about her little brother. I want there to be tension between the two of them. I want them to hurt each other. I just don't want it to be completely one sided. I want them to have something between them that is unique to their relationship, not making weiss into a martyr and browbeating both of them with it.
But idk why I'm even worked up about this, because at this point I'm pretty sure I won't even be watching v9. Not because I'm dropping RWBY (I'll still be active on this blog and I will know what's going through rwby mutuals), but frankly I just don't care about the protags. V8 was just. Bad. Now that I look back at it. I find that I'm just completely uninterested in half the things I'm supposed to care about. Ruby emotional breakdown? Maybe. Bmblb? Absolutely not. Jaune manpain? Neo?? No. Its fine if you like those things, I don't want to alienate anyone or say that the thing they look forward to is Bad, that's just my opinion.
I like vacuo. I want to learn more about that kingdom. I want to learn about professor Theodore, I want to learn about the socioeconomic state of that kingdom. I want to learn about their 'royal family', I want to see the tensions between the atlesian refugees and vacuoans. I want to see how the refugees are going to settle. Thats what I look forward too. I don't know if I have high hopes, but as you can tell I'm really out of excuses.
I don't even look forward too any more schnee moments, thats how much I'm broken by this show lmao. If they couldn't write racism in a sensitive way why the fuck did they think they could handle abuse?
Sorry I just needed to get this off my chest. It's just very therapeutic for me. Feel free to finish this and think I'm an idiot who's wrong about everything if that's how you feel- I just needed to vent.
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