#what am i gonna do when she moves out jjahahajhahahahh

[iloveupitch]

(sharing some ventish shit i wrote last month instead of following my lessons)

(haha i hope she doesn't find my account or im doomed)

guys i miss my partner so bad right now you have no fucking idea i hope she's not mad at me for stuff because if she is i might go insane

idk everytime she's kinda off im scared that she's upset because of something i've done or said to her and i dont want her to be upset because of my shitty actions anymore. i overthink a lot and i end up crying and trembling because im a piece of shit. i sure am a piece of shit that's why nobody fucking likes me but her. i want to see her again and tell her how sorry i am and make a decent apology for all the awful things she had to suffer because of me. i want to make her feel like she doesn't have to hide anything from me, but i scared her and she's probably still here with me because of a trauma response and not because she actually wants to be with me. i just want to fix all of this and live as if nothing happened, but i know it won't be possible. actions have consequences and i still have to learn that. i just want to be able to talk to her about anything and anyone without it being one sided and shit and i also want to be understood and listened by her. i want to hold her close and give her all the affection i haven't given her during the whole problematic relationship, i hope she will appreciate it even though i think she's going to forget it right after i do it. she's got lots of other people with her and everyone is kind and includes her everywhere and i don't see why she would still look for me and waste time. i really want to kiss her cheeks and show her that i truly love her. i love almost everything about her (yeah there are always things we don't like about someone but that doesn't mean their personality is based off that thing lol): she can be so genuine when she wants to and she's VERY cringe and corny, but in a positive way. i love how she's so emotional and tries her best to understand people. i wonder what goes through her head everyday and i wish i could shut it off. i love her ways of showing affection to me because they're genuine and corny as fuck and i love corny people. i love her red hair, it's not usual to be in a relationship with a ginger and as much as i joke about me hating gingers i think she is very pretty, even though I can't really look at her face and keep eye contact with her idk why. but still sometimes i literally panic when she does something flirty with me. i don't know tbh, i've got lots of feelings for her bit at the same time im scared of being too much and also being dependant on her, but i hope not. i would only choose her through anyone.

this is so fucking corny i know and im not used to writing this kind of things but i truly love that girl. i really hope i can be her first choice because she's mine, and i wish she could see herself the way i see her everyday.