#this is a wonderful niche little question thank u | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

buckysbitch107 · 4 years

Note

Chris Evans with a girlfriend that has a really bad stutter like me. Like it may take about 5 mins for me to get a full sentence out. Thank you!

Sentences | Chris Evans x Reader

Summary: Yes, you have a stutter. So what? Just because it takes a little longer for you to say a full sentence, doesn’t mean people need to be rude. Chris has always been the person you go to when you feel down or insecure, even before the two of you started dating. So when an interviewer asks a question that hits a little too close to home, Chris is right there to defend you.

Warnings: SWEARING, Angry Chris, A Small Bit of Fighting, Little bit of fluff at the end

Word Count: 1.5K

A/N: This is my first time writing a stutter, so I hope I got at least some of it right! The person I used as a reference was Drew Lynch (One of my favorite comedians). I know there are different types of stutters, but his is the one I was most confident writing. I’m aware there are a lot of dashes in the dialogue. That’s the way I write stutters. I really hope you enjoy this one! Sorry if it’s bad or inaccurate!

“Thank-thank you M-Mr. Evans. I’ll see you tom-tom-tom-tomorrow.” You speak, pacing back and forth in your hotel room as your best friend sits on the bed. Her eyes widen as you end the phone call, dropping your phone on the bed before moving your head to look at her.

“And?”

“I go-go-got the-the pa-part.” You whisper, looking up at her with a surprised look on your face.

~~~

“Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh my god.” You mumble to yourself, pacing back and forth in the dressing room. You just finished up the last scene of the day, a very important scene. The kiss scene. It was going great, and then the next part of the script came up. The part that had Chris’s character, Nick, step closer to yours and take your face in his hands before leaning in and kissing you. The part that the two of you did perfectly. It felt so real… almost too real, and Chris hasn’t talked to you since that scene unless it was for acting purposes. You continue to ramble random points to yourself until a knock sounds at the door, distracting you for a bit. “Come in!”

“Hey, I heard you- oh my god what happened?” Scott asks, closing the door behind him as he steps inside. You turn towards him and sigh, your hands still doing the weird flappy thing they did whenever you got anxious.

“We-We did the-the-the, the scene.”

“What? What sce- oh. OH. OH MY GOD! THAT SCENE?!”

“Yes, that sce-scene!” You exclaim, continuing to pace back and forth.

“I know this is gonna sound weird. But thoughts?” You turn to look at him, the look on your face making him unconsciously take a step back. Your face remains in a state of rage until you actually begin to survey your own thoughts, and your face drops.

“It-It was-s great. Dammit, Sco-ott! It fe-fe-felt so-so real!” Your hands migrate to your forehead, pushing your hair back before running to sit on the back of your neck.

“Well, why don’t you ask him?”

“He’s-he’s been av-avo-avoiding me all d-ay.” More tears stream down your face as you continue to hyperventilate. You wouldn’t usually react like this, but the biggest crush you’d ever had in your entire life was possibly rejecting you, and you couldn’t even talk to him about it.

“I’ll go talk to him. Why don’t you grab a bottle of water while I go find him, okay?” You nod as Scott gestures to the minifridge in your dressing room. He walks out and you sigh, grabbing the water and chugging most of it. Meanwhile, Scott wanders around the set, looking for his younger brother. He finds him soon enough, talking with a coworker about something to do with directing. Scott motions to his brother and Chris nods, finishing up his conversation before walking over to his sibling.

“Yeah?" Chris asks, putting his hands in his pockets.

“You need to talk to Y/N.”

“Why? Is something wrong?”

“She thinks you don't like her.”

“What? What do you mean? Of course I like- oh. OH!”

“Yeah. Now please go fix it before she digs a hole in the ground by pacing that much.” Chris’s eyes widen a little more before he nods, running off in the direction of your dressing room.

~~~

“Oh go-go-god, you were ho-ho-hori-horrible at playing that-that trumpet.” You giggle, trying not to pee yourself in the passenger seat of Chris’s car. The man next to you scoffs, rolling his eyes as he turns the steering wheel.

“I wasn’t that bad, was I?”

“You-you-you-you sounded like a, like a, like a dying pi-pi-pig.” You continue to laugh in your seat as he pulls the car into an empty parking spot.

“That’s a little harsh.” He responds, turning his head to glare at you playfully, resting his hand on your thigh.

“I had-had to p-p-p-play it for-for-for you.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah.” Chris turns off the car and leans over, pressing a kiss to your cheek before opening his door and stepping out. You open your door and step out as well, Chris walking around the car to grab your hand. He links your hand with his and slowly pulls you along, walking to two of you into the shooting studio. As the two of you enter, the studio’s cat steps into your line of vision. You gasp quietly, picking up the tabby before sitting in a chair behind the camera, set up on the small couch with some snacks and the cat. You barely pay attention as Chris sits down in the interview chair and the cameras start rolling, too distracted by the cat sitting in your lap. Zoning out, you don’t pay attention to any of the questions until you hear your name come into the mix.

“Now you met your wife on the set of Before We Go. Was it hard to make her stutter a part of the character?” Jason Nichols questions.

“Most people assume that it would be hard to incorporate a stutter into a character, but Y/N was actually super flexible and would sometimes even ask if we could do some more takes because she didn’t like the one we had. It was amazing what she did to make the movie an even bigger success.” Chris answers, causing a small smile to rest on your face.

“Now there are many eligible women in Hollywood, so why Y/N?”

“Excuse me?”

“I mean, she’s already paid less than you, and I don’t imagine that stutter of hers makes it any easier to land roles. I would have imagined you would go for someone in your pay grade.” Ouch.

“Alright, we’re done here.” Chris says, cutting the interview short by standing up from his chair. They quickly cut the cameras as your husband nods to you, telling you to pack up.

“I’m just saying-”

“You aren’t saying anything.” You can visibly see Chris getting more pissed off by the second. You try to pull him away from the scene, but the interviewer keeps trying to insult you. It’s all a blur before Chris finally snaps, punching the interviewer and knocking him to the floor before storming out of the studio.

“I-I am so-so-so sorry.” You whisper to one of the producers. She brushes it off with a quick “he deserved that.” before walking over to the interviewer and talking his ear off as she hands him a couple of tissues. You stand there silently, wondering what you should do when one of the producer’s assistants ushers you out.

“It’ll be fine! We’ll call back to see if Chris wants to reschedule, with a different interviewer of course.”

“T-Thank yo-u.” You whisper, offering him a small smile before walking over to your car, your fuming husband sitting in the driver’s seat.

~~~

“Darling? What’s wrong?” Chris asks, standing in the doorway of your bedroom, his bandaged hand brushing up against the door frame. You look up from your spot on the bed, giving him a small “mm” before looking back at your latest read. “Okay, what is up with you?”

“No-othing.” You mumble.

“Well it’s obviously something. You’ve barely said a word since the interview and you didn't even finish your dinner! Did, did I go too far at the interview?”

“W-What?! No-o! Not at-at all! It’s ju-ust-”

“Just what?”

“Do you-you think Nich-ichols was-was righ-t?” You question, finally deciding to look up at your husband. The look of confusion on his face would have made you laugh if your heart wasn’t silently ripping apart in your chest.

“What?! Of course not Y/N!” He exclaims, taking a mere four steps across the room to sit in front of you, Chris quickly taking your hands into his. “Why would you ever think that?”

“I-I don’t kn-kn-know…” You’re about to continue speaking when Chris starts moving, and it’s only a quick second before your husband has you sitting in his lap with his arms wrapped around you.

“Everything that man said today was bullshit Y/N. I chose you for so many reasons, and I don’t regret a thing, you understand?” You nod, slowly tucking your face into the crook of his neck. “I love you. So damn much baby.”

“I lo-ove you t-too.” Chris smiles at you once again before softly kissing you, pulling back just slightly to look at you.

“Why don’t we head to bed? It’s been a long day.” You nod and Chris stands up, walking out to call Dodger into bed and returning quickly with the dog and his lion. The two of you were already in your pajamas, having decided to change when you got home. Chris turns off the lights and slips into bed next to you, his arm immediately taking its designated place on your side. You cuddle into him and sigh, feeling comforted by your husband. Dodger sits on the edge of the bed, laying almost all the way over Chris’ feet. The three of you fall asleep like that, the hours before having worn you out, finally feeling at peace.

Permanent Tags: @wintersoldierslut @breakmy-bedbarnes@stuckys-hot-dogs @andreasworlsboring101@yaxamarvel @donutloverxo

Just a reminder that all requests are open! My masterlist is in my bio, so you guys know who I specialize in, but really I do anyone y’all request. As I’ve mentioned, nothing is too fluffy, angsty, smutty, or gorey for me. I mainly write Marvel and its characters/actors. I can also write some characters from other things, you just have to ask! Also please let me know if you want to be a part of the Permanent Tags! But please, for now,

Call me Emily

#chris evans x reader #chris evans imagine #chris evans one shot #chris evans #chris evans fic #marvel #fluff #stutter

142 notes · View notes

angeltrapz · 3 years

Note

oosdkk dude im sorry ur mood dropped too.. i hope u feel better soon <3 but like i wld love 2 hear more abt ur thoughts on Art in general bc Boy Is He Interesting, and also a lil more abt Daniel coming out as nonbinary to his dad (whether he knows Eric is trans or not at that moment skjdfhdskf)! + if ur feelin it just more abt Mallick in general ESP cuz we agree that Brit doesn't make it thru V

djhfjdks thank u sm <3

okay Art first. I genuinely wonder abt him so much, something in specific I think abt is that aside frm Amanda (+ Eric, obviously, but talkin abt disciples) Art is one of the only trap victims EVER 2 be tested twice and it’s like... what’s that abt? Why? as u’ve said b4 it rly depends on how you personally view his character: whether he’s a disciple or not. fr me, both options are equally plausible, n honestly I don’t rly confine myself to either; it sorta depends on what I’m feeling/writing. if we’re talking abt art being a disciple, then the Spinecutter not going off (one of my BIGGEST questions) makes total sense, as Hoffman’s side of the trap was never set up to work either, + Jigsaw disciples have a history (aside from Lawrence) of appearing as victims in other tests/traps. if he were not just another pawn and was in fact a disciple himself, then the Spinecutter was never meant to go off - it was there just to make Eric think it COULD go off/make it look convincing to outsiders. which brings me to ANOTHER question: what does Art know abt Eric? does he know anything? what does he think of Eric?

(lil side note: if Art is a disciple, then I kinda wonder if it’s a lil bit of a Hoffman + Lawrence situation where Hoffman didn’t know abt Art either? just bc he looks so shocked when he sees Art’s face fully fr the first time... that could’ve just been acting on Hoffman’s part but IDK. food fr thought)

personally, I feel like Art probably does know a lil bit abt Eric - at the very least, he’d know tht Eric had been previously tested + failed by John’s rules, but then I feel that he wld also know Eric didn’t rly have a chance in his second test. that is why Art trying so fucking hard to keep Eric alive is interesting 2 me: what is his motivation 2 do that? like he’s been told Eric’s basically just there to get Rigg to participate, he doesn’t have any personal obligation or anything like that. sure, the aim is to keep Eric alive + see if Rigg can pass his “test,” but nobody said anything about grabbing a man you barely know around his ankles to keep him frm hanging himself w a noose made of chains. nobody said anything abt speaking to him so softly, not even raising your voice beyond saying “hey,” and asking him do you understand? when you tell him to keep still and prevent him frm killing his counterpart (which, if Art is a disciple, he knows it won’t, but he still speaks to Eric so softly, so compassionately, doesn’t he?)

nobody said anything abt grabbing him around the waist and steadying him again after being punched by said man. but Art does that. he stabilizes Eric’s feet on the ice as best he can and he keeps his hips straight and he basically says “look, we’re all stuck here, you need to keep it together ‘til that clock counts down if you want us to live, but I’m giving you a choice,” and he presses the gun w the single bullet into Eric’s hands and tells him it’s up to him. nobody said Art had to care but he does, I think, and it’s just like. he really didn’t have to keep Eric alive over the course of Rigg’s test. he didn’t. but he did and I just,, where does it come from? why does he care? this is even going beyond the fact that we’ve talked abt them being together after their test in a scenario where they both survive - I just think that Art at his core is a very stubborn but very compassionate person, whether he wants 2 be or not. like he HAS to know that kind of involvement cld prove to be extremely detrimental but he cares. I feel like that says a lot abt him (even if he does call Eric an asshole a couple times while doing it,,).

plus I also just. I think his reason for being tested (as it seems to be in most cases) is extremely flimsy. he was doing his job. he’s a LAWYER. often times it has nothing 2 do w personal feelings; they’re there to do their job and sometimes, unfortunately, that is defending possibly reprehensible people (in cases like Rex’s & Ivan’s). + John was already upset w him regarding their argument abt the urban renewal group so like it just feels So Very Petty, y’know?? even in the scenario where he IS a disciple, testing him twice seems entirely like John having a personal vendetta against him. Amanda is the only other person to be tested twice aside from Eric, so like. what. is that abt Mr. Kramer.

like I’ve said b4 in dms one could argue that Art is grey morally, bc we never rly see anything of him outside of flashbacks + acting as a test controller in IV, esp given that he... rly doesn’t seem too bothered abt it all? which is fair. but I also feel like the concern he shows towards Eric is smth to be considered as well.

+ YESS NONBINARY DANIEL I know I’ve mentioned it b4 but for reference, I read Daniel as masc nonbinary (he/they)! so I feel like Daniel wld b pretty comfortable w his identity, he’s never rly had a reason not to be (it’s rly anyone’s guess here tho bc we never see Eric + Daniel + Kate... as a family unit, for obvious reasons), so I feel like he’s vry chill abt it? and in the scenario where Eric survives n is dating Adam, I feel like Daniel wld talk 2 him abt it first (Adam is an adult they quickly come to trust + he’s vocal abt being trans himself so there’s that added layer of understanding - other than his mom maybe Adam might b the first person they come out 2). they’re just kinda like “so I wanna tell my dad I’m nonbinary but like I’ve literally never thought abt coming out what do I do” and Adam’s just like. Aha. bc he knows Eric is Also Trans so like, he doesn’t tell Daniel that bc it’s not his info to share, but he’s definitely like “oh it’ll totally be fine. trust me you have no reason to worry” so Daniel’s just like Okay. I Got This

+ I know I mentioned this in dms but Daniel wld absolutely wear those floral ripped hem skirts over jeans, so I feel like on one of his visits to his dad’s, he just. wears that combined w a completely random niche graphic tee he bought when shopping w Adam (I adore this hc n I am Holding Onto It) n is just like. not super open abt it bc he doesn’t know what to expect? he just kinda waits fr Eric to comment on it but when he doesn’t, Daniel gets nervous n is like “do I look okay?” and Eric’s rly chill abt it, like “yeah! it looks vry cool, vry alternative.” n like Daniel is relieved, of course, but also he’s just like God Pls Say Something so he just comes out w it like “okay this is not working. I’m nonbinary.”

and he’s COMPLETELY SHOCKED when Eric is just like “oh why didn’t u say so? do u have a different name u wanna go by? is Daniel still okay?” bc he wasn’t sure how much Eric knew, so he’s just like “uh no Daniel is still good, he/they pronouns though” and Eric’s just like alright cool but internally Daniel’s just like ??????

n THAT is when Eric asks him 2 come sit out on th front steps w him n is just like. “I don’t think I ever told u this but I’m trans. I transitioned during training in my early 20s” n Daniel is nodding while internally he’s like Adam I’m gonna throttle u. he worked himself up fr NOTHING. he just kinda laughs abt it and Eric is like “are u good?” ‘cause he’s a lil worried but then Daniel just smiles and is like “yeah I’m fine! just realizing I had nothing 2 be worried abt” and it’s a rly good moment fr them. they sit out there together talking abt their experiences for quite a while n at some point Adam steps outside 2 find them deep in conversation + he just smiles n goes back inside bc he cares abt them both so much and seeing them talk like that makes him so 💞💞 (Eric is SO PROUD u can see it on his face)

ohhh gosh Mallick,,, I spend a lot of time thinking abt him actually. he’s just one of those characters I feel vry connected to (me 🤝 Mallick: Ambiguous Disorder 💕) n one I got surprisingly attached to? hello (he IS one of my f/os)

I feel like Mallick is a very lonely person at his core. the way he sort of clings to Brit (w out the whole like. adrenaline of being in very very real danger w ppl trying to kill u SEVERAL TIMES) somewhat confirms this fr me. this is someone who has no reason to look out fr him, no reason to keep protecting him when their fellow captives hit him over th head w a club or attempt to push him into a bathtub to ELECTROCUTE him, but she keeps doing it and he’s just. in awe of it a little bit? ‘cause she could just let Charles knock him tf out or let Luba push him in but she fights for him, some1 she has no obligation to n met fr the first time literally when they woke up.

the moment they share b4 they stick their arms into the saws to activate the 10 Pints of Sacrifice is so very vulnerable and maybe even a little tender. yes he calls her a monster, yes she calls him one back, neither of them deny it. it’s an admission and an acceptance. they’re monsters, sure, fine, okay. but they are monsters and they are in this together. Brit tells Mallick it’s okay when he says he can’t do this alone. she says okay, okay, it’s okay, we’ll go together. and they help each other secure their tourniquets and they stick their hands in together bc it’s the two of them, literally hand in hand, fighting for their lives n for each other n they’re in so so much pain but they are doing it TOGETHER. I lose it thinking abt it!!! they even have a head bonk moment!!! I very much feel like it has some cinematic parallels to Adam & Lawrence’s moment in SAW 2004!!!!

+ as u mentioned, we both share the thought that Brit likely died since she wasn’t present at Bobby’s meetings, and. I want to touch on how fucking despondent and lost Mallick looks when we see him again in 3D. lights on but no one’s home. I feel like for Mallick, losing Brit was losing the first chance at a real connection he’s had in god knows how long - and for him, that’s just very shattering. he’s been thru hell, he’s watched three people die right in front of him, he sawed his ARM IN HALF, n the person he went through all of that with didn’t make it. but he did. and I feel like for Mallick that’s just like... he doesn’t understand it. but he feels even lonelier than he ever has b4 because the One Person who was there w him thru it all, the one person who could ever possibly understand what happened that night, is gone.

the Mallick we see in V would NEVER sit down n willingly listen to Bobby Dagen’s bullshit abt loving yr scars n taking pride in the fact u survived. he wld hate that man with a passion n I am very much sure of this. the fact that he’s sitting in that chair looking numb and glassy-eyed and silent? Mallick is trying to find some1 to connect to, find a place where maybe he belongs. trying to fill that hole that losing Brit made. why else wld he be sitting there, listening to someone he would ordinarily tell to shove his self-love bullshit up his ass? he’s lost. he’s just trying to keep his head above water and find a way to shore even though everything in him is fighting not to. he’s adrift without her.

+ ALTERNATIVELY, bc the reality of that is just. crushing n maybe not where I needed 2 go, in the scenario where Brit survived + just doesn’t want to put up w Bobby’s bullshit, I imagine them to actually move in together after a lil bit of time getting 2 know each other better w out the pressure of “oh god we’re gonna die.” she kinda helps him build up a sense of self-worth bc GOD it’s practically non-existent n thinking abt possible reasons why makes me sad. she’s definitely just like “no, you do deserve to be cared for and you deserve help when you need it, you deserve good things n to be happy.” she just kinds shuts it down while still making sure to talk 2 him abt WHY he feels that way (she’s not dismissing, but she’s trying to nip it in th bud) n Mallick is just like. huh. bc no one’s really done that fr him before. but it rly does end up helping in the long run, even if it is a very slow pace toward actually getting 2 a place where he recognizes his own worth + realizes he deserves all the things he wants Brit 2 have too. they’re there for each other thru thick n thin and if they made it thru their game, they can make it thru anything.

#saw #art #daniel #eric #adam #mallick #brit #thank u so much I rly appreciated this #n it helped me get my mind off things a little #I'm rly glad my ask helped u too!!! mutual support hours #long post #thoughts separated by dashes bc I had Way More than I thought I did oops #asks

9 notes · View notes

artificialqueens · 4 years

Text

Bet You Look Good On The Dancefloor, 12 (Branjie) (and background everyone) - Ortega

a/n: HELLO i am so sorry that this took me so long :((((( but it’s here now! welcome to strictly au 12!! this isn’t the last chapter, there’s 2 more to come after this, but aaaah how mad that we’re almost coming to an end!!! hope u all enjoy this chapter, it’s MUSICALS WEEK!

fic summary: Strictly Come Dancing enters its 18th series and its producers, after being goaded by a rival dance show on its inclusivity, commission it to be an all-female cast. Unlike Akeria who’s just here to bone her potential dance partner, dancer Vanessa is ready to act like a professional.

And then TV presenter Brooke Lynn walks into the rehearsal room.

***

27th November, 2020

The bursting open of the rehearsal room door makes Vanessa jump, her head jolting off its position on Brooke’s shoulder from where they’re both slumped against the mirrored wall, having glugged the contents of their water bottles after a full run of this week’s dance. Her racing and paranoid heart, however, relaxes instantly when Monique and Monet strut obnoxiously into the room.

“Hey hey hey!” Monique greets them both, way too fresh and bouncy and cheery for Vanessa’s exhausted self.

“What’s with the fuckin’ SWAT team entrance? You the sex police now, is that what this is?” Vanessa deadpans, and Monet gives a chuckle as she loops an arm around Monique’s and makes her go all shy.

“It’s not Strictly Cum Dancing,” she sticks her tongue out, and as Brooke splutters Vanessa snorts.

“Strictly Come Boning,” Monique chips in. Vanessa can feel Brooke narrowing her eyes beside her.

“Your girlfriend’s was better,” she retorts, and Vanessa watches as the two of them visibly baulk. She digs Brooke very firmly and squarely in the ribs, realising a little too late that that was probably entirely too visible. They’ve not had that conversation yet. Neither have her and Brooke. That’s okay though. They’re focusing on the competition. It’s not like the only thing Vanessa wants with every iota of her being is to call Brooke officially hers.

“What’d you two come to bug us about anyhow?” she not so much segues but handbrake turns, steering the conversation off the cliff Brooke’s hanging the metaphorical car off of.

“You eaten?” Monique asks with a shrug. “Me n’ Mo were gonna go try that new Mexican that opened up round the corner. You know, where the old burger place used to be?”

“Well anything’ll be a step up from gettin’ shut down by environmental health.”

“Shit, what happened?” Brooke’s face contorts in horror. Her eyes open up all wide, eyebrows fly up to her hairline. Every expression she pulls suits her, makes her look even more adorable than usual. Even when she’s sad, though Vanessa would do everything in her power to stop Brooke from ever feeling that way ever again.

“Lil’ rat shits through the plastic cheese slices. Shame, ‘cause their chilli cheese fries were awesome,” Monique pouts, and Monet fixes her with a quizzical eyebrow.

“You’d really risk getting bubonic plague for a basket of damn fries?”

Monique looks incredulously at her. “Babe, you never ate them. You don’t know what you missed out on.”

“Much as I’m heartbroken that I too won’t get to taste food seasoned with rat shit anytime soon, no, we’ve not eaten. And I’m quite hungry, so I’m down to grab food,” Brooke interjects, before they can entertain this conversational topic any further.

So they end up all leaving for lunch together- the shared and mutual understanding between the four of them that they all want to hold their girls’ hand, or curl their pinkies together, or slide an arm around their waist unspoken and yet deafening. It’s nice to get out of the studio for a bit, though. She and Brooke have been putting so much effort into their dance this week- a Waltz- and they both want it to be perfect.

“Just like you,” Brooke had said, before tapping Vanessa gently on the nose and setting off a spark in her stomach.

They reach the restaurant and all crush round formica tables on chairs with wobbly legs and gossip and chat and vent. It’s nice to see Brooke and Monet getting along so well- Vanessa knows Brooke was close with Yvie and now she only really has Jackie as her other celebrity friend in the competition, so it’s nice to see the beginnings of a friendship blossom between her and Monet. As she listens to Monet and Monique bicker about their choreography this week Vanessa secretly keeps her eyes on Brooke, catching little moments that she knows Brooke won’t even remember but Vanessa will secretly treasure; the way Brooke brings both hands up to hide her teeth when she laughs, the way her eyebrows draw together minutely when she’s concentrating on whoever’s speaking, the way she picks up each of the nachos she’s ordered delicately with her thumb and index finger leaving the rest to fan out into the air like a bird’s wings.

Vanessa feels as if she’s been living a dream all week. She’s nervous, because she knows there’s only an amount of time until she wakes up from it. Knowing Brooke likes her back and getting to share little moments with her is like the feeling of being wrapped in a cosy duvet- safe, secure and calm, and it seems like everything is too good to be true. She’s trying to enjoy their time together though, really drinking in every moment just in case it’s ripped away from her at any time.

As if she’s able to read her mind, Monique points at her and furrows her brow. “So who d’you think’s going home tomorrow?”

Vanessa flinches, because she hasn’t thought about it. Doesn’t want to think about it. Despite their high scores last week Vanessa knows that out of the five of them that’re left, it’s the other couples that the judges seem to favour. She knows how heavily she and Brooke rely on their fans to get them through (they’ve done two Insta lives this week as a thank you) and how it’s been a few times that they haven’t got the scores they’ve deserved.

So she swallows the nerves that Monique’s question has triggered and shrugs, pokes her tongue out at her friend. “You, with any luck. Won’t have to listen to you bang on about how hot you think Monet is all the damn time.”

Monique almost chokes on her burrito and Brooke and Monet roar a laugh. When she collects herself, she’s pointing an accusatory finger Vanessa’s way.

“Well screw you, bitch! I hope you break a leg for real,” she jokes at her, and Vanessa smiles smugly back at her in response.

“It’ll be Gigi and Jackie in the bottom, leaving us, Akeira and Asia sailing through to the semis,” Monet nods her head, convinced. Vanessa wishes she had the same levels of confidence. “You three are the most talented pros, it makes sense.”

“Aw! Thanks baby boo,” Monique smiles at her, charmed. Monet cocks an eyebrow at her.

“You, barely. You’re there by the skin of your teeth. Akeria’s Mutya, Vanjie’s Keisha. You’re Heidi Range.”

Vanessa and Brooke burst out laughing at Monet’s niche Sugababes reference, and Monique yelps in protest beside her. As talk turns to girlbands, the thought of elimination is forgotten for now.

That is, until lunch is over and Vanessa and Brooke are arriving back in the studio, and Vanessa lets out a nervous sigh which Brooke quickly picks up on.

“Hey,” her forehead wrinkles, crossing over to take both of Vanessa’s hands. Brooke’s are cold from the icy air outside but the gesture still manages to make Vanessa feel a little warmer, a little slice of July on a November day. “Talk. Speak.”

Vanessa lets out a soft chuckle at Brooke’s orders and as she looks up and meets her kind eyes, she lets her worries out. “I’m just rattled. Mo got me thinkin’…we really are gettin’ down to the wire now, an’ everyone left is so talented. What happens if we gotta dance again tomorrow?”

“Then everyone gets treated to the best Waltz that’s ever graced Elstree two times instead of once,” Brooke shoots back instantly, making the knot in Vanessa’s stomach begin to unravel. “If fact I think all our fans are going to vote for other people just so they can see it done twice.”

“God, don’t say that,” Vanessa shakes her head and half-groans, half-laughs. She sinks her body against Brooke’s, wraps her arms around her waist and lets out a shaky exhale. “I’m never nervous when I dance, but I’m gonna be nervous this time, you know? I just don’t want to let you down.”

Brooke splutters a disbelieving laugh. “A world Latin champion is telling her TV presenter partner that she doesn’t want to let her down. We are truly through the looking glass.”

“Shut up,” Vanessa mutters against Brooke’s chest, looking up at her and seeing the little twinkle in her eye that flips her stomach.

“Make me.”

Vanessa rolls her eyes at her before leaning in and meeting her lips in a soft kiss, Brooke greedily deepening it after a few seconds and pressing their bodies close. Vanessa feels a pleasant wave of heat wash over her and, as she slides her arms round to rest on Brooke’s hips, she’s reminded about their morning in Blackpool, something she’s thought about constantly since it happened. They haven’t had a round two since, they’ve both been too focused on wanting to do well. Still…maybe they need a way to let off steam, and Vanessa’s beginning to wonder if all the hassle she’s given Monique over hooking up in the rehearsal room has been justified given how much she’d risk getting walked in on by a camera crew for Brooke’s tongue to be back between her legs-

And then Brooke breaks away, strokes her cheek with her thumb from where her hand’s cupping her jaw and winks at her. “Kissing’s not going to get us those tens, sweetie. Let’s get to work.”

So, obediently and only somewhat reluctantly, Vanessa rehearses. Their dance means a lot to her this week, even though it’s musicals week and they aren’t really her thing. She’s never seen Waitress- she’s not seen many musicals- but Jan, self-confessed queen of musicals week had a playlist on the speakers last year and a song in particular had come on which prompted Vanessa to ask for its name. It reminds her of her, little Vanessa starting out at dance school thousands of miles away from the rest of her family, and her Mama who’s always supported her through everything she’s ever done. And now it reminds her of Brooke, too. All the good things in her life and all the dreams that have somehow managed to come true. She knows that full marks are the highest they can get, but she still wants more. The pressure she’s heaping on herself is crushing, but it’s good because it helps her concentrate. She wants to do her best for Brooke. She cares about her so much that she finds it a little bit dangerous.

Saturday rolls around in mere hours, and the day passes as a blur. Vanessa bites the skin around her nails so much that she bleeds and Brooke chastises her, goes to find plasters from the medics. She’s so nervous that she can’t even enjoy roasting Monique and Monet about the fact they’re dressed entirely as nuns (a Charleston to Sunday Morning Fever) or find hope in the fact that Gigi’s hands are shaking as she practises her hand jive with Crystal. She moves through the pro dance in a daze, not even the fact that it’s all being broadcast live affecting her. The pro dance is simply an inconvenience, something she needs to get through before the main event.

And then, thank God, they’re dancing first. She doesn’t need to wait too long before they’re both sitting on their set- the countertop of a diner, soft blue lights illuminating the studio- and finally, the commentator’s voice can be heard overhead.

“Dancing the Waltz…Brooke Lynn Hytes and Vanessa Mateo!”

Vanessa already feels emotional as the guitar strums out through the studio, filling the silent room with its warm sounds as Vanessa rolls her neck one way then the other, catching Brooke’s eyes.

“Sugar…sugar, butter…flour…”

Resting a palm against the blue countertop, Vanessa presses against the flecks of glitter that have been sprinkled there by the prop department and brings her arm softly over her head, letting the sparkling silver flecks scatter over her as Brooke mirrors her movements too. They do the same with the other arm; soft, slow movements that Vanessa takes her time over because this dance is precious to her and she doesn’t ever really want it to be over. Vanessa looks at Brooke and they share a smile, blowing a handful of glitter at each others’ faces just like they’d practised in rehearsal over and over.

“Sometimes I still see her…my mother, the dreamer…she’d say nothing’s impossible, child…”

Brooke lowers herself off the counter, picks Vanessa up on the last beat with her strong arms holding her waist. Vanessa pushes down on Brooke’s shoulders to elongate her frame as Brooke spins her around, then gently deposits her on her feet. Their foreheads are pressed together as Vanessa takes Brooke’s hand and they end up in hold; one elbow bent, the other slightly extended out in front of them as they hold hands. Brooke keeps her other hand on her back and Vanessa rests hers on Brooke’s forearm as they move across the ballroom.

“A dream needs believing…to taste like the real thing…like some stranger you recognize…”

The movements come to naturally to them both, their feet meeting and stepping in the classic 1-2-3, 1-2-3 style, and Vanessa’s sad she can’t turn and face Brooke, can’t look her in the eyes with adoration like she wants to on that last line because it’s crazy; this BBC One presenter that started out as some cute girl that flirted with her on the induction day has become someone Vanessa cherishes and cares for so much, and all from the fact fate put them together to dance as part of a TV show.

“So pure…so pure, so electric, so sure…so sure, so connected…”

They both extend out from each other then Brooke twirls Vanessa across to the other side of her, the little skater skirt on her diner costume kicking out into a perfect circle. They then do the same again- out, in, twirl across, swaying together like calm waters.

“To those little believers inside…”

As Vanessa meets Brooke and their bodies end up pressed together, she extends her leg up in a long, slow kick and keeps her other leg steady as she balances on the ball of her foot. Brooke walks her round with her arm around her waist, and their eye contact has a level of depth Vanessa’s not sure she’s shared with anyone she’s ever danced with before. There’s something more to it- this is more than a routine, it’s Vanessa expressing everything that Brooke makes her feel because at this point she’s Vanessa’s dream, her dream come true.

“May we all be…so lucky…”

Back into hold again, and the pair of them cross the floor in the same 1-2-3, 1-2-3 that they’ve practised so many times now. Vanessa wants to rest her head against Brooke’s shoulder, throw all tradition to one side if only to be closer to her for a little moment.

“But dreams are elusive…”

Vanessa twirls from hold to rest her hands on Brooke’s hips, and Brooke places her hands on her back as she spins Vanessa around in her arms, her feet working overtime as Vanessa extends her legs and points her toes.

“The kind we’ve gotten used to is nothing I can feel, nothing I can hold, nothing I can have, nothing that I know…”

They come to a stop; both facing forward, with Brooke’s arms around Vanessa’s shoulders and Vanessa gently holding her hands as Brooke pulls away, stepping back (two, three), back (two, three) away from her, and Vanessa finds herself involuntarily tearing up because even though it’s just a dance, for Christ’s sake, it still hits too close to home; that feeling of Brooke leaving, the thought of whatever it is they have fizzling out once the competition is over being just too painful to even contemplate.

“Dreams come and they…go…”

Vanessa whips around and runs to Brooke, jumping to her and wrapping her legs around her waist and her arms around her back as Brooke spins her around again.

“But hold them and keep them…and know that you need them…”

Back into waltz hold, and at this point Vanessa is unsure how she can see with the tears misting up her vision, lucky she’s not needed to look at her feet to dance since very probably 2008. Just like it had done in the dress rehearsal there’s silver confetti and glitter raining down upon them, and Vanessa wants to bottle how she feels right now, this equilibrium of nostalgia and sorrow and happiness.

“When your breaking point’s all that you have…a dream is a soft place to land.”

They walk slowly and carefully over to the diner counter they began their dance on, swinging their entwined hands in time to the strum of the guitar. Brooke reaches the counter and sweeps the rest of the glitter away with a perfectly straight arm, clearing the surface before she pushes onto it and hoists herself back up with pointed feet.

“May we all be…so lucky…”

Vanessa joins Brooke sitting on the countertop and they finish with Vanessa resting one hand on top of Brooke’s and bringing the other up to cup her jaw gently, pressing their foreheads together again and reminding Vanessa all too much of kissing her. She wants to so much, but she settles for bringing her lips as close as she can to Brooke’s without touching as they both close their eyes.

“Sugar, butter…flour.”

When Vanessa’s eyes open, they’re filled with tears. Brooke’s green ones are the same, and Vanessa lets out a laugh of relief as the audience’s cheers fill the air. They both did the dance justice, and they did themselves proud. As they hop off the countertop and hold each other in a tight hug Vanessa tells Brooke as much, and Brooke nuzzles her head in the crook of her neck kissing her once, twice, three times.

Michelle calls them over excitedly and interviews Brooke. All the while Vanessa can feel her heart going like a freight train, so full of affection and pride for Brooke but so full of anticipation and nerves for what the judges will say. And as Michelle comes to Bianca first, Vanessa holds her breath.

Bianca moves her papers around on her desk, and if Vanessa had been in a chair she’d be on the edge of it. Bianca pauses, looks up, finally opens her mouth to speak. “Well that, I thought, was beautiful.”

Vanessa flinches as Brooke punches the air beside her, then brings her arm round to wrap around Vanessa’s waist in an excited hug. Vanessa is bouncing on the balls of her feet in happiness. Is it too much to hope for another forty a week after their first one?

“Your timing was excellent, the emotional connection you both have is just unparalleled, everything was just so very clean and beautiful. Unfortunately…”

The audience starts booing in anticipation of Bianca’s next comments, and Vanessa’s heart sinks.

“…I can’t give you a perfect score for this Waltz, because there were a lot of Contemporary elements in there. They were beautiful, and I did love the dance! But sadly, not really a pure Waltz. But you should still be very proud of yourself, Brooke Lynn, well done.”

Vanessa tried to make the smile on her face seem genuine as the audience clapped Bianca’s comments and the spotlight moved to Shangela.

“Yeah, um…” Shangela began, her face set in a frown of concern which made Vanessa’s guts twist. There was a pause as she looked down at her desk, then back up at Brooke. “I mean, Brooke Lynn, you know I love you, girl, and there’s absolutely no denying that dance was gorgeous…however…”

The audience begin booing again as if they’re at a pantomime, and Vanessa can feel all the perfect little pieces of choreography she’d spent so much time on and worked so hard on slowly crumble to dust.

“…as Bianca said, it’s a hard one to judge because you know I love my Ballroom, and that wasn’t…really…a Waltz? But whatever it was, it was very beautiful. I just hope that it doesn’t put you in a precarious position tonight.”

And with that comment, Vanessa’s whole world freezes over.

Worry consumes her. She can hear Kennedy and Laganja speak, see their lips move, hear the audience laugh at some joke Laganja makes, but nothing registers in her brain. Shangela’s last sentence just repeats on a loop in her head. It doesn’t stop as she and Brooke make their way up to the Divinatorium, as they’re interviewed by Divina, and as the camera pans to the judges. Vanessa feels sick as Bianca holds up her paddle.

“Nine!”

Shangela holds up hers. “Eight!”

“Nine!” Kennedy smiles.

“Nina!” Laganja agrees.

Thirty five. They’ve dropped five marks since last week, and it’s nowhere near what they should be scoring at this stage of the competition.

Vanessa is frightened.

Brooke is smiling at the scores but by the way her grip tightens around Vanessa’s waist she can tell something is wrong, and by the time they get backstage Vanessa can barely hold back the tears that are dotting her lower lashes.

“Woah, woah,” Brooke stops her, takes both her hands and steps close to her as Vanessa sniffs uncontrollably. “It’s okay, baby. It’s going to be okay.”

“I’m sorry,” Vanessa whispers out, heartbroken. “I should’ve just kept it to a normal Waltz…if we have to dance again it’ll be all my fault…”

“Hey. Listen to me,” Brooke says sternly, dropping one of Vanessa’s hands to point at her. “What did I tell you in Blackpool?”

Vanessa, even though she’s upset and scared, can’t help the little twinkle that leaps into her eyes. “You told me a lot of things in Blackpool, ‘specially in that hotel room.”

“Christ, stop talking. I’m trying to be serious here,” Brooke exhales a laugh, looking at the floor bashfully. “Before we danced and you got nervous. I said that this isn’t about the competition for me anymore. It’s about getting to dance with you and see you every day. I meant that, ‘Ness. If we have to do that dance again, then we go out and we have the best time doing it, especially if it could be our last time. I don’t want you being upset. You know if you start crying it’s only a matter of time before I join you.”

Vanessa sniffs, wipes at her tears delicately with one finger. “I guess part of me is so sad because…if we get knocked out then I don’t get to see you every day any more. You’ll go back to bein’ busy at work, an’ I’ll still have pro rehearsals…we’ll just fall out of touch and drift apart.”

“Excuse me? Who the hell says?!” Brooke laughs in incredulity, and her outrage makes Vanessa’s spirits lift a little. “You can’t get rid of me that easily. God, Vanessa, I care about you so much. If you think all this is for me is just a random hookup while I learn to fucking two-step then you’re so far from the truth.”

Vanessa’s heart gives a flutter and a huge thud which sets her pulse off racing. She wants to ask Brooke what the truth is for her, what she means by all this, but there’s already too much happening tonight and Christ, if there’s ever a time that she needs to focus on the competition, it’s probably now. So instead she looks up at Brooke from under her lashes, composes herself and smiles softly at her.

“That’s not at all what this is for me either.”

Brooke squeezes her hands, smiles back at her gently. “Well. Good.”

Then, darting her eyes up and down the corridor, she leans in and plants a soft kiss to Vanessa’s forehead. Vanessa closes her eyes and smiles, until she opens them and sees Brooke recoiling in horror.

“Fuck. I forgot I was wearing lipstick.”

Vanessa splutters a laugh, rubs furiously at her forehead and inspects the heel of her hand where there’s a bright red smudge as if she’s squashed an insect.

“Dummy. Guess we better get ourselves to makeup.”

It’s easy to forget about the prospect of the dance off when she’s mucking around in makeup with the girls and Brooke, or when she’s watching the other girls dance in the Divinatorium, or when she’s performing her second pro dance to be broadcast on Sunday’s results show. But when the couples all gather on stage again to stand under their single spotlights and the results are imminent, well. It’s frankly impossible for Vanessa’s heart to stop racing, for her mouth to be any more dry, for her stomach to stop flipping over and over and over again as if it’s on a wash and dry cycle. Michelle opens her mouth and Vanessa’s nerves shoot through the roof.

“Couples, I can now reveal who is going through to the semi-finals…and who will be dancing to stay in the competition another week.”

The studio lights go down and envelop everything their spotlight doesn’t touch in shadows, and Vanessa immediately feels as if she’s five years old and scared of the dark all over again. She’s got one hand around Brooke’s waist and the other holding the hand Brooke’s slung over her shoulder, and she can feel both their palms slick with sweat as Brooke grips her hand tightly.

“The first couple safe and through to the semi-final is…”

The drum beat rings out into Elstree, and it is as if time stands still. Vanessa feels as if she’s frozen, her fate hanging in the balance of a presenter and an earpiece.

Dum-tsh-tsh, dum-tsh-tsh, dum-tsh-tsh…

“Gigi and Crystal!”

Vanessa’s heart plummets as she claps and smiles tightly. She’s happy for Crystal. She’s happy for her friend. Of course she was going to get this far, she’s one of the best pros in the competition. But this means that now there’s less chance of Vanessa, Akeria and Monique all being in the semis together. Vanessa tries to take a deep breath but it comes in all shaky and paper-thin instead.

“The next couple safe and with a place in the semi-finals is…”

She feels Brooke take her arm and squeeze it. It’s the action that reassures her that she hasn’t, in fact, gone numb. Vanessa feels as if she’s disconnected from her body, floating high above it like she’s on morphine. If this place goes to Jan and Jackie, it means the three of them won’t get to keep going together. And that’s a horrible thought.

“…Jan and Jackie!”

As Jan screams in delight and jumps up and down on the steps, Vanessa wants to scream for a very different reason. She looks over at Monet and Monique as she claps, her gaze meeting Monique’s in a similarly mournful expression.

Love you, Vanessa mouths. Monique says it back.

“Okay, Akeria and Asia…Monet and Monique…Brooke Lynn and Vanessa. That means there is only one guaranteed place left in the semi finals. I’m now going to say the name of the couple earning that place, and the remaining two will be dancing for survival. The last couple through to next week…is…”

Dum-tsh-tsh, dum-tsh-tsh, dum-tsh-tsh. Vanessa feels herself tremble in her character shoes. She can feel Brooke gripping her hand with such intensity and perhaps it would’ve hurt if her whole body wasn’t completely filled with adrenaline, anticipation, hope and fear. Vanessa can hear the minute catch in Michelle’s throat as she goes to speak and every muscle in her body tenses up.

“Monet and Monique!”

Fuck.

A lot happens at once. Their white spotlight suddenly flushes them in red, Vanessa feeling like Carrie on prom night. Monet and Monique wrap each other in a hug, the pair of them wearing very relieved but incredibly upset expressions. Vanessa can see tears begin to stream from Monique’s eyes. If she leans forward she can see Akeria looking at her with a grim smile, her body language resigned and deflated.

When Vanessa turns to look at Brooke, she has to take a deep breath to hold back her tears. Brooke instantly wraps her in a cuddle, whispers into her ear.

“It’s not over, babe…it’s not over, don’t worry…we can do this.”

Vanessa breaks away, nodding, and when she goes to hug Monique her friend only ends up sobbing harder. Vanessa knows how she must be feeling, because she’s feeling it too- it would’ve been so amazing to progress the whole way with her two friends all together, and now that one of them is guaranteed to be leaving it hurts badly.

“That means that Akeria and Asia…Brooke Lynn and Vanessa…I’m sorry, you four, but you will be facing the dance off.”

“No shit, Sherlock,” Vanessa mutters, hoping all too late that it isn’t picked up by her mic. From the fact that nobody’s given a cataclysmically horrified reaction, she can safely assume it wasn’t.

Michelle announces that Akeria and Asia will be dancing first. They were doing an Argentine Tango, and Vanessa knows how hard it is. She’s so torn. Part of her wants her friend to keep going, to win the whole thing on her behalf. The other part of her selfishly wants her and Brooke to stay in and knock them out, to progress and prove how amazing Brooke is. Not that she’s biased.

As Akeria and Asia take their positions on the dancefloor in their leather jackets and wet-look leggings, Brooke and Vanessa stand to the side, their fingers tangled together as they not so much hold hands but cling to each other. The music begins and so does the girls’ routine.

“This is weird…it’s weird…this is weird…super weird…”

Vanessa gives a bitter, mirthless chuckle. You got that right, song.

“What can we even improve on? Technique wise, we were fine. The judges just didn’t think it was a Waltz,” Brooke frowns at her side, whispering. Vanessa knows she has to put her professional hat on, look at it from a competitive perspective.

“So we gotta make sure we nail the sections in hold. And really amp up the emotion. Which’ll be easy, ‘cuz I feel like my heart’s about to break out of my ass.”

Brooke’s hands fly to her mouth as she covers up her snort of laughter. Vanessa smiles guiltily at her. After a second’s thought, she takes her hand again, gentler this time.

“But most of all…” Vanessa concedes, taking the first properly deep, calming breath she’s been able to manage as all of Brooke’s words from earlier run through her mind. “…we enjoy it. We make the most of it. ‘Cuz if it really is my last dance with you, then it better not be shit.”

Vanessa thinks she sees the shimmer of tears in Brooke’s eyes before she laughs and looks to the floor. “Okay. I promise. It won’t be shit.”

And as the audience clap, Vanessa realises it’s their turn at last. Michelle congratulates Akeria and Asia and wishes her and Brooke luck as they take to the floor and perch on the diner counter that a runner has hastily trundled on.

“Dancing for a place in the semi-finals, please welcome…Brooke Lynn and Vanessa!”

The guitar strums out again as Vanessa rolls her neck one way and then the other.

“Sugar…sugar, butter…flour…”

And their dance is as good the second time round. It’s better, and Vanessa feels more. She completes the entire dance on the precipice of tears, holding tightly to Brooke whenever there’s an opportunity because dreams come and they go, and Vanessa doesn’t want to let go. Brooke’s reassured her thousands of times how much she means to her, and it hits Vanessa with a startling clarity that that means more to her than any title, any competition, any trophy.

When their dance finishes and their foreheads press together, it takes everything in her power not to throw caution to the wind and kiss Brooke, try to communicate everything she feels without speaking, without anything a mic could pick up on. As they grip their hands tightly together and go to join Akeria and Asia in front of the judges’ table, Vanessa can only wrap an arm around Brooke’s waist and use her as an anchor.

“Akeria and Asia and Brooke Lynn and Vanessa have now done all they can. Judges, I’m now going to ask you for the name of the couple you wish to save and put through to next week’s semi final. In the event of a split decision, head judge Shangela, you will have the deciding vote. Good luck to both couples…this is it.”

There’s a pause as Michelle comes to the first judge. “Bianca, who do you want to see in next week’s semi final and why?”

Vanessa can only take a few short, tiny breaths as Bianca replies to Michelle. “I really loved the refreshing fusion of this particular dance, and I thought it was performed very, very well. So the couple I am saving is Brooke Lynn and Vanessa.”

Vanessa feels like deflating in shock. Brooke Lynn leans down to her ear, whispers a see! which she wants to believe with all her heart but there’s still three judges left to vote and she’s not getting complacent yet.

“Kennedy. Coming to you now, who would you like to save?”

Kennedy lets out a huge sigh, as if she’s the one whose future in the competition is being decided. “Honestly, I have to say…this decision gets harder every single week. It really does. You were both brilliant and I loved both performances…but I’m going to save Brooke Lynn and Vanessa.”

Another vote in their favour. Vanessa feels a little as if there’s a knife twisting in her stomach as she looks over at Akeria and Asia, the two girls hanging their heads sadly as they clap for the pair of them.

“Two votes for Brooke Lynn and Vanessa, that means that if Laganja votes to save them they will be going through to next week’s semi final. Laganja, coming to you now. Who would you like to save and why?”

Laganja sucks air in through her teeth. “It truly does get tougher every week, Michelle, but purely based on what I’ve just seen…I have to save Akeria and Asia.”

Vanessa’s heart plummets. She claps for her friend as the vote moves to Shangela, but her pulse is going entirely too fast and her hopes are raised so high and she holds her breath and she holds Brooke’s hand as Shangela begins to speak.

“Well as the others have said, this is a very difficult decision this week, and both dances were outstanding. But for me, it’s a matter of personal taste and I have to go with the couple I felt had the most content…I’m saving Akeria and Asia.”

And it’s done.

Their journey, just like that, is over.

Asia’s mouth is hanging open and Akeria’s hands fly to her face as Vanessa and Brooke clap for them. Vanessa is proud of her friend. She is, she’s not bitter, but she wishes with all her heart things could have been different. Her pulse slows to a gutted, disappointed decline as Michelle confirms what they already know- that she and Brooke Lynn are leaving the competition. Vanessa crosses over to the other couple and, as Brooke hugs Asia in congratulations, Vanessa clings to her friend and grips her in a tight hug.

“Fuck, V…I’m sorry, I’m so sorry-”

“Hey. Listen. You an’ Mo are doin’ this for me now too, okay? Go get that fuckin’ crown. You both deserve it so much,” Vanessa mutters back urgently, truly meaning it all. If neither of them win she’s not going to speak to them for a month. She’s kidding. Probably.

Michelle beckons them over as the audience claps and cheers for the pair of them. It’s the exact definition of bittersweet, and Vanessa presses a hand to the small of Brooke’s back as Brooke hugs Michelle with one arm.

“Brooke Lynn, you have been amazing…look at the audience, all on their feet, the judges on their feet…have you enjoyed your time on the show?”

“Oh, goodness, to be here dancing every week…I’ve just truly, truly loved every minute, and I have to say thank you to everyone behind the scenes that makes this show happen, I have literally lived out a dream being here…and I have to thank my dance partner…c’mere-”

With that, Brooke breaks off, turns and hugs her, and Vanessa can feel the lump that’s already in her throat becoming impossible to ignore. She can’t cry; it’s Brooke’s moment, and she can’t take that away from her, but the opportunity to tell the nation how amazing she is overwhelming.

“You’ve been brilliant, and you got to dance with two pros! Not many Strictly stars can say that,” Michelle smiles at Brooke, and Vanessa almost forgets about Plastique. That whole scenario seems so long ago now, and it makes her want to laugh. Michelle casts a hand over to the monitor beside the camera, prompting them both to look. “Here are some of your best bits before you leave us.”

And they watch it all. Vanessa watches little sections of each dance they did intercut with Brooke talking about her own journey- how happy she was when she got partnered with her, how she opened the first show, how their breakthrough dance was Runaway Baby and how things only got better from there. How special Blackpool was (Vanessa gives her a little dig in the ribs in response to that). And then it shows the comments Vanessa has been asked to give about Brooke, where she’d basically just gushed at the camera.

“To me, Brooke Lynn is what Strictly is all about. I’m so proud of her and what she’s achieved…and I can’t put it into words how much I’ve loved being partnered with her. Next year’s partner is gonna have a hard time coming close.”

To finish, production has put a clip of them finishing their Waltz into the final clip of the video, and Brooke’s voice can be heard over it. “It’s been a dream come true doing Strictly…and it’s been a truly magical experience.”

As the clip ends, Michelle turns to them both and directs a question to her. “You’ve been an amazing partnership…Vanessa, what would you like to say to Brooke?”

There’s a beat of silence in which Brooke turns to look at her, and it’s happening- Vanessa can feel the tears burning her eyes. She takes a deep breath, takes both of Brooke’s hands tightly and sighs.

“Oh my God, so much. So much I wanna say…I’ve been sayin’ it all competition but I’m the luckiest girl in the world. I got somethin’ better than the glitterball…I got you, and you were the best,” Vanessa hears her voice crack, and the audience starts to clap and cheer in encouragement. When Vanessa looks back up at Brooke, she sees two black mascara tears running down each cheek. She can’t help but laugh nervously at how ridiculous they must look. “You’ll never know how amazing you made this experience for me…just by being you. So thank you so much. You’re incredible.”

With that she crashes her head against Brooke’s chest, throws her arms around her and tries to hold back the rest of her tears. She can hear Michelle beckoning them onto the dancefloor for one last dance and then reading out the information about next week’s show.

“I wish I could’ve taken you further,” Vanessa sniffs, shaking her head sadly. Brooke’s got a nostalgic sort of smile on her face as she breaks away from the hug and takes Vanessa’s elbow, leading her out onto the dancefloor.

“I wouldn’t change a single thing about any of this,” Brooke squeezes her arm, places both her hands on Vanessa’s hips as Vanessa slides hers around Brooke’s neck. Brooke’s face breaks into a bittersweet grin as she winks at her. “Okay, no more crying. It’s our last dance in Elstree, I don’t want to have to spend it trying to find you a tissue.”

Vanessa bursts out laughing at her joke. For the millionth time that evening, it occurs to her just how much she wants to kiss her in front of everybody.

Michelle announces their last dance and the pair of them begin to step as the music starts. When Vanessa realises what the song is, she throws her head back and laughs at the cheesiness of it all.

“We got a little world of our own, I’ll tell you things that no one else knows, I’ll let you in where no-one else goes…what am I doing without you…”

As the key change kicks in, Brooke picks Vanessa up and spins her around fast, Vanessa squealing happily as Brooke shows off by holding her with only one arm wrapped around her. She still feels safe, though. She always feels safe when she’s with Brooke. And even though their Strictly journey is over, she can’t help but feel excited for the new one they’re about to embark on together- navigating their feelings for each other after the show, which from the way Vanessa is feeling as Brooke smiles at her and looks into her eyes is dangerously close to something she once felt for a different dancer who broke her heart a little while ago.

#rpdr fanfiction #ortega #bet you look good on the dancefloor #strictly au #lesbian au #branjie #background momo #vanessa vanjie mateo #brooke lynn hytes #akeria davenport #monique heart #monet x change

26 notes · View notes

commajade · 3 years

Note

Album ranking: Changmin's Chocolate EP, since you asked for it lol

THANK YOUUUUUUUUUUUU.

changmin is an exceptional pop artist and this is an exceptional debut. every single part of this album is carefully planned and like very well made. there’s a quality that seasoned idols have when it comes to music like boa has it shinee has it tvxq has it where they don’t do too much and just make extremely smart decisions, there’s not a flaw in this album even if some of it isn’t my taste. this album is 100% changmin it’s completely made with him in mind i haven’t looked into how involved he was in making it (i think he wrote a couple tracks?) but it’s just perfectly suited for him. i feel like where yunho’s solo career has been kind of marked by going all out while changmin’s is marked by tasteful restraint? which would be fitting of them. none of the songs on this album are doing too much, they’re all exactly well measured and well made. all skill all technique all experience. also it’s all so damn sexy. so much innuendo. So much innuendo.

1. chocolate - perfect in every way. it’s so distilled changmin. i literally put on this song as soon as i wake up regularly just to get out of bed. it’s so sexy. it’s soooooo sexy. y’know what i’m gonna walk through this song moment by moment just to show u what i mean by PERFECTION. it’s just so smartly made.

it opens with un deux trois quatre which is so sexy but it doesn’t let you get comfortable, it goes straight into AAAAIIIIIIII AIN’T SCARED OF ELECTRICITAAAAAY. so it’s okay you shock me. like what a killer line on top of that simple snapping sound and repeating brass it’s a HOOK. like it DRAGS you in and it just shows exactly what changmin is about from the jump.

the little “oh yeah!” and “shock!” vocal tracks layered over is soo skillfully done and the bass intensifies on top of that same brass hook until the me in “you shock me” repeats and the brass drops out and it goes straight into another AMAZING beat with that “god is it bad?” transition with those interesting sounds like KILLER!!! FANTASTIC!!!

and then the way the whole song shows off every single part of his voice there’s the opening big full chested high notes he’s famous for and then the verses are his smooth talking low whisper voice over that bass heavy beat. the layered harmonies. and then the shift in vocal technique for like the lines that end in lipstick and secret and savage and package he’s like in a completely diff placement even tho it’s the same range of notes and it’s Extra Sexy and he’s so showing off. and then back into the full chest high notes! and the choice of having a subdued chorus with an unexpectedly small drop like it’s such a smart choice you can’t have a big bombastic chorus when the rest of the song is built so carefully it really shows control and restraint in production every detail is just perfect and slightly experimental pop.

and then his HIIIIGH NOOOOOTES god he’s just showing off with this song he’s completely at ease and in his element this song is tailor made for him and it fits soooo well it’s just so much pleasure. and it ends so abruptly u just wanna dive into it again it’s just exuding confidence and competence it’s just wonderful.

2. piano - so good so good so good. i’m really grateful amasat had it as a question because otherwise it would’ve taken me longer to figure out how cool the lyrics are. he uses some really specific words to continue the piano metaphor and makes it sounds so good like repeat sign semitone musical motif melody chord harmony. and comparing her to the black and white keys of the piano. and “when you play on my piano” and how he goes do re mi sol la si do silence and then the song ends. so smart and bookending with how he starts it with la la la la lady like the music note but also how he’s comparing his lover to music. the lyric writer for this had a great time because he knew that changmin can make any crazy niche words sound good.

there’s one moment where the lyric is “creating harmony in discordance” but the music theory word for harmony sounds like the word for knees. so the actual lyric is “creating harmony between discordant notes” but is sounds like “creating harmony between your knees”. so much innuendo. the little “uh!” and “woo!” he does is so tasteful. he does sexy so tastefully i’m literally so admiring of him. also the bridge with “i like it when you say don’t stop” is just. so good. also the pun of pieonah (bloom) and piano. and like his vocals are so good it makes you pay attention to all the weird sounds and cool wordplay going on when the actual instrumental is pretty simple it’s a brilliant song.

3. high heels - god this song is amazing. it’s such a funky michael jackson style track and again shows off his vocals with relatively subdued production and instrumentation. full band real instruments gorgeous. the heel clacking sounds are so fun the bass is amazing the vocal layering is gorgeous the melody is great. the lyrics are so smart. it’s just smoooooth. changmin is just such a sexy rnb vocalist i’m so glad he gave us an rnb album it’s beautiful.

4. me myself and i - such a good easy listening smooth cafe or studying track. the opening line “i’m so freaking over you” is such a good hook. his voice is so soft and lovely. lo fi rnb changmin is a good changmin. it’s a simple song made masterfully and the guitar is lovely. i love the moment when the guitar stops and it’s super minimalist but with a moment of suspense before it comes back in.

5. lie - took a little warming up to despite how much i love both changmin and chungha but it is quite a good song. it’s such american pop. like late night drive down the pch. the chorus is catchy tho “you’re a little i’m a little lonely” is good and the way chungha’s voice is added is really smart. chungha’s verse is like really surprisingly vulnerable on this track i was surprised and it was really grounding for the song overall. i wanna see chungha and changmin dancing together it would be so incredibly sexy.

6. no tomorrow - this is the kind of white person indie pop i briefly listened to in 2013 and have not been able to stand ever since but because it’s changmin it’s listenable. it’s a fun roadtrip song! if i was looking out the window of a car winding through some mountain path i would be having a great time but for my quarantine music life it’s a skip.

#changmin #album rankings #asks #music

6 notes · View notes

birdbrainstudies · 4 years

Note

Hey! I saw u go to bryn mawr. I was wondering if u can speak a bit about ur time there such as: Hows the social environment, people, and overall ~vibe~ there? I like their academics and location I'm just trying to get a feel for their atmosphere:) and how do students feel about poc/ lgbt people? Also, what are some of your personal favorite aspects of bryn mawr and least favorite? Thanks!

Hello! I do indeed go to BMC, and I’ll be returning to campus in the fall for my junior year!

Social Culture

Honestly I've felt, like many others, that the campus is very very tradition-focused. One such tradition, WTF (Welcome The First-years) Week, involves juniors, sophomores, and seniors 'adopting' frosh/taking them under their wing. Traditions like this, in my opinion, heavily increase the cliquiness of the student body, if that makes sense. I personally didn't get a 'family' my first year and felt that that took away a lot from my potential social circles at BMC. I still absolutely adore the school and the professors, but I find, compared to Haverford (the nearby co-ed school) Bryn Mawr students are a little less open and friendly to those they don't know well. The people at Bryn Mawr with whom I am very close are LOVELY and KIND, it’s just harder to make friends if you don’t participate in the tradition I’ve mentioned.

Experience as a member of the LGBT+ community and as a POC

The majority of students at BMC are actually LGBT, and as a result, BMC is a VERY LGBT friendly community, in my personal experience. I'd honestly dare say it's one of the most welcoming in the country. No concerns there :) pronouns are asked, inclusive language is used, staff and students alike are really great about it. Actually, that reminds me that cissexist language is sometimes used, but it’s pointed out pretty quickly. However, I will make note that my experience is probably different from others’, and I am very lucky to have not experienced any hate for my identity.

On the POC side, I recognize that my experience may be different from those of others, but I've found BMC as an institution (staff and professors) to be great about POC. On the other hand, I've felt as a POC that white students at the school can be a bit ignorant of POC experiences and a bit too quick to talk over POC voices. Another thing you should know is that the college and the surrounding area are pretty white. It was definitely a culture shock for me, coming to Bryn Mawr from the CA Bay Area. I've definitely encountered some shady people, but, like, it’s definitely not most people, only a few that are like that. Again, I will add a disclaimer that my experience may differ from others’ and that others, should they have more to add, should feel more than free to add their experiences too! Don’t take my word for gospel -- this is just a recounting of my specific experiences.

Pros and Cons, in my eyes, of BMC

Favs:

Small class size

Professors are super involved

Professors are super accommodating

Professors want to help you in and out of class

Absolutely gorgeous campus

Cool traditions (though I don't participate in them)

Really great student body (nerdy/niche interests everywhere)

Students don't talk about grades, only what matters (like "did you get this question right, how did you solve it?" once tests are passed back rather than "what did you get")

Haverford nearby if you want the co-ed college feel

Excellent dorms

Fantastic food

Cons:

Really bad disability accommodations department (offset by the fact that professors are great and generally will give you the accommodations you need if you ask personally)

The culture shock coming in was difficult for me, and a lot of white people at the school don't really understand POC struggles but sort of assume they do

#ask #camphogwartz #bryn mawr

28 notes · View notes

official-hawknose · 4 years

Note

hi !! okay yikes this is kinda a weird question, but i started my own fanclan & designs blog but its a sideblog. nd like posts dont show up in tags unless u have 10+ followers, so i was wondering! do u have any advice on how to get wc mutuals and such!! or just how to get my art out there?? tysm for any advice u mughg have!! 💗

(ALSO BTW ur art is so good and adorable i love it aggghh all the cats r so good)

I'm not sure if my advice will be any good but I'm glad to help!!

My biggest advice is interacting with other people's posts! Likes, replies, reblogs. I follow the main WC tag and a lot of creators! I don't interact much with them outside of likes and the occasional rb, but for the most part your best friend will be people who mass rb specific cats, lol.

I also recommend trying your hand at little 'events'! Reblogging WC ask memes, or if you want to, expression memes or palettes! And!! I only really do icons for pride month and I usually get some of the highest activity with my posts then! And it goes year round too, sometimes. There's at least one blog that sometimes reblogs my pride icons still!

I don't really have many mutuals that I talk to, but replying or even asking/pming people to compliment them is always a good idea.

And, a good tagging system. Mine is currently all over the place with extra tags, but if you figure out a solid system it works great! It helps people seek out specific cats, clans, etc. I try to keep all my designs tagged as such, and any text posts tagged so people can find them easier.

And of course, finding the thing in your art that makes it fun or enjoyable! I experiment a lot with how I do my designs and choose colors for it all! Its a good way to change it up and keep followers engaged if there's new stuff to the designs. I'm just bad at implementing stuff, lol.

A lot of it is figuring out your niche and style and how you post. A queue is a good start into it, of course, and adding new posts to a queue to keep it full for a day or so is always a good thing!

And of course it isn't always about designs! If you do fanclans stuff, writing or drawing scenes is a good way to break up the line of image posts! Even doing scenes from a fanclan, or even a canon scene can help.

Of course, a lot of it is up to you, too! Interaction with posts varies from blog to blog, so it isn't always a one size fits all. Your art is going to be different from other people's, its going to have it own flair!

But, one thing I do wanna add is that interaction isn't always key. In my opinion, having fun is. I enjoy drawing this silly forest cats, and while seeing people interact with me and my posts is always great, I value having fun over interaction. It has it's own perks, the way Tumblr is means it usually values high activity posts at least for me, but it shouldn't control you or how you run your blog.

One thing that I do that I don't know if a lot of people do? Is I keep my old old art here. I don't like it anymore and I'm not impressed with it, I can pick out flaws or just in general, I'm disappointed in my older art. But! While I don't have the biggest following, I try to remember that for however slim it is, someone starting out in art might find it. Having the ability to see the development happen from one style to the next is always fun! I love finding people's old art and comparing it to their latest! That isn't really like.. A thing related to blog stuff, but its something I do! And I still cringe when people like the old stuff.

And!!! Thank you! I'm not sure how helpful it is, but as one creator to another, its nice being able to share stuff!

And when you settle in on that blog, feel free to ask me for a boost! I'd love to see your art!

I'm so glad you like my stuff!!

#ask #1-800-jongho #text #aaa you have no clue how excited I got!!#Im not good at it but I love giving advice!!#this blog is my child and I've been working at it for a while now #I've had this blog since 2018 and I havent had many chances to share my methods!!

6 notes · View notes

shijiujun · 4 years

Note

hello im new to writing fics. i was wondering how your cope when you write something that flops? like has that ever happened to you?

Heya!!! Oooh okay that’s a loaded question but it’s an important one and while I don’t have much advice to give, let’s do this:

*If you want more advice I suggest following the account AO3 Comment of the Day! They’ve got some cool asks that are answered really well about writing and etc.

1. Firstly, yay that you’re writing fics!! Regardless of whether you think your stuff is good or not, kudos to you for wanting to write and contribute to your fandom! You’ll get even better with time and the more fics you write, so welcome to the world of fic writing!

2. “Something that flops”: The argument is that you should not find value of your fic in the number of kudos or comments (or the lack of it) it gets, and of course it isn’t! But it still sucks when you see little or no engagement on your fic, but also I guess there are a few factors to why a fic isn’t getting as many kudos or likes, e.g. it’s a niche topic you’re writing about, maybe the fandom has been a little dead for a while etc., but once again it’s still healthy to not tag the value of your writing to the kudos/comments, maybe people are still new to the fandom and haven’t gotten into the fandom on AO3 yet (this one is about timing) etc. you get, really, it’s tough to do and it might be unfair but in the long run I do believe that fic writers first and foremost write for themselves. And somewhere somehow people will be interested.

3. Not every single fic you write, you write at your 100% - Don’t be too hard on yourself! You provided your efforts for free, and sometimes you write something nonsensical, or can’t be bothered to check every line to make sure you didn’t write uranus as ur anus but you know! Definitely some fics will do better than some others, that’s for sure.

As for how I cope:

Honestly I’ve been quite lucky? I write for two small fandoms, so firstly you have to adjust your expectations and set thresholds for like the number of kudos/comments etc. you are expecting to get - For me as long as I hit like a minimum number of 100 hits I’m good my expectations are pretty low because I tend to obsess over why people aren’t reading a particular fic for example etc. out of IDK a terrible, misplaced sense of narcissism but I AM GETTING OVER IT!

Another thing is I don’t think of myself as a good writer so - If you hit, leave kudos and oof the best, leave a nice comment on my fics, you have my eternal love. When I upload something I erm... don’t usually go back to read it because I get embarrassed, but it makes a world of a difference if your mindset is - I’m new at this, I still got so much to improve on, people who support me even if it’s one of you THANK U and people over time will be drawn to your writing cuz it’s good

If you define ‘flop’ by the point above, then yeah I’ve had one that flopped before but I honestly didn’t think of it as flopping XD It was just 1. A niche pairing 2. The fandom is kinda half dead 3. Honestly was a work that was slightly below average - But I put it up anyway because I wanted to get it out of the way and honestly I don’t really think much about it (so yes, one way to cope is like: oh that flopped? cool let’s never talk about it or look at it again, thanks MOVING ON)

I also cross post on Tumblr (for certain fandoms and shorter fic lengths) and I am also fond of self-reblogging, but there’s nothing to be ashamed about that to be honest!

If no one champions your work and you can’t expect them to, then you’ll have to champion it yourself because you’re you own biggest supporter. It’s pretty cathartic actually, I recommend self-reblogging your own work so more people see it!

Also if you think about it, attention is double-edged sword - Lesser attention means emotionally you don’t feel like you’re obligated to put up certain fics or topics, or ensure they’re at a certain quality and honestly you really can write anything you want. More attention will of course on one hand motivate and fuel you to write even more (and I do think readers should at least drop a kudo or a short comment if they really like the fic) but sometimes it might hinder your writing process a bit.

Do what makes you happy! If writing fics and it ‘flopping’ gets to you after you tried the first one, take a step back, take a break, and then try again. Fic writing is fun like that. If a halfway through your draft you feel like throwing the whole thing away? Just slot it in an Archives folder on your laptop and think of something new or rewrite it.

I’m really not a good person to ask XD but I’ve been quite happy these past few months so!! <3 In fact, my issue is not really if a fic flops or not but IF SOMEONE STEALS MY SHIT!!! I don’t dare to check because if I don’t check and don’t see it I don’t have to fight but I got a feeling it’ll come sooner or later.

#fic #fic writing #asks

12 notes · View notes

ionlycareaboutyou · 4 years

Note

prompt: kind of a niche ship but could you write some richie n seth fluff pls? i love your fics!!✨

omg i love this ship. i’ve written them vaguely (richie/seth/stefon threesome fic) but never on their own? so this was a v fun challenge for me. i hope u like it, u’ve inspired me to write more for them!

cw for this being set in IT ch 2 canon, so eddie is like. dead and gone for good, unfortunately, and it is discussed. i picture this fic being set around 2017. i promise this fic isn’t just richie angst, there’s fluff! just gotta get through some sad parts first.

When he moved back to New York City, Richie felt like his 29-year-old self again. He still does sometimes. The NYC comedy scene and the LA one are distinctly different, despite all the NYC expats who move to LA to star in films or do voice acting or settle down and have a few kids. It didn’t feel right to go back, though. LA was all shine and sun, several layers of sky blue paint over decades worth of grime. At least NYC was honest in its grime for the most part. At least New Yorkers were able to joke about their greasy ass pizza and subway rats instead of all trying to be Instagram influencers.

The real truth was that Richie had friends in NYC. In LA, he had none. And what he needed was friends.

The funny thing about reconnecting with an old friend is that sometimes, even though it seems like a lot has changed, they’re still the same person, deep down.

Seth is still a workaholic--the same workaholic who Richie met back when he hosted SNL for the first time. He still stays up til 4 AM sometimes, drinking dark, bitter coffee for the caffeine rather than the taste, darting in and out of cubicles, asking if anything new has cropped up in the past few hours that’s monologue worthy. He still wears those ratty sweatshirts during the day and changes into suits for the evening. He does shave more consistently, Richie will give him that. He still laughs high pitched and loud when a joke really gets him, and he still laughs at his own jokes, even, stumbling through them sometimes with tears welling up in his eyes. He still loves to drink tequila and whiskey and anything really that brings heat to his cheeks and more of that laughter bubbling out of his chest, though he tells Richie he doesn’t drink as much as he used to--he’s far too old for it now, and the hangovers are intense.

(“I do wanna do a day drinking segment with Rihanna, though,” he confides in him once over lunch. They’re eating greasy pizza, and Richie feels like he’s in heaven, because the shit in LA doesn’t even begin to measure up.

“Rihanna? Do you have, like, connections to her or something?”

“No! I wish,” Seth frowns at his slice of pepperoni. “Do you?”

Richie hoots out a laugh. “Dude, you are severely overestimating me if you think I know Rihanna. Good luck on your quest, though.”

“Hey, maybe Rihanna’s got a thing for raunchy comedians who wear the same shirt three days in a row and own like, two pairs of sneakers and refuse to buy new ones. I don’t know her personally, either.”

Richie flicks a piece of mushroom right at Seth’s face. He laughs in that way he does, and Richie’s chest flutters.)

And maybe it’s the fact that Seth is still Seth--still blue-eyed, New Hampshire, toothy grin Seth--that makes Richie fall for him. And he’s not even surprised by it. He thinks he’s always sort of had a piece of his heart reserved for Seth, even when he moved to LA. He was the first one to send him a congratulatory text when the news broke that he got Late Night, and he was always happy to wander around his too-empty LA apartment and shoot the shit with him for hours long phone calls about everything and anything and nothing at all. Seth was the first to welcome Richie with open arms back to NYC. They were the sort of friends that never truly fell apart, even when they went a while without speaking to each other.

It all comes tumbling out eventually, why Richie is back in NYC. Seth never really poses the question, but when Richie calls him one Tuesday night at 3 AM, eyes unfocused and hot with tears and chest heaving with hyperventilating sobs, the answer becomes clear to him.

He’s still awake, of course, sitting in his office and staring at the writers’ Slack chat when the phone rings. “Are you awake, man? I’m sorry if I woke you,” Richie says into the phone, warbly.

Seth manages to talk him down from it when Richie admits he had a pretty vivid nightmare. He doesn’t judge him for a second or wonder why a 40-year-old man is so shook up by one. He simply talks slow and soft into the phone, telling him it’s okay and grounding him as best as he can. “You can tell me anything, Rich, you know that, right?” His voice is so goddamn sweet Richie wants to sob all over again.

So he tells him everything--well, rather, a condensed version of everything. He tells him he had friends as a kid back in Maine, really close friends, and they met up again after drifting apart, and he tells him that he saw his best friend in the world die right in front of his eyes. He’s careful with his words, but something tells him that even if he did explain all the clown shit, Seth would listen and comfort him all the same, even if he was confused by it. “I feel so bad for dumping this shit on you, dude,” Richie says, fighting back the tears that he’s finally managed to quell. “It’s just--”

“Shh, hey, it’s okay,” Seth assures him, “I can’t fucking imagine. I’m so sorry. I know that sounds really lame, to say I’m sorry. I know it doesn’t really fix anything.”

“It’s okay. I haven’t--no one really knows. I mean, my friends know, they were there, too, but...God, it’s so fucking complicated.” He lays his head back down on his pillow and exhales a shaky sigh, feeling mostly back down to earth. “I guess I just. I picked up my phone and dialed you because I needed to know everything was...you were okay and I wasn’t still in that fucking dream.”

“I get it. You don’t have to worry about that. You know I keep crazy hours anyway.” They manage to get a chuckle out of that. “I hope this doesn’t sound insensitive, but I’m glad you were with him in his final moments, I’m sure he was very glad to have you there.”

Richie swallows the baseball-sized lump in his throat. “God, I sure fucking hope so. He was…” he stops himself. He hadn’t told the other Losers what he wanted to say about Eddie and how he felt about him, but he was certain they knew. Seth is completely detached from this whole situation, but maybe putting out what he’s been harboring in his chest for so long will take some weight off it. “He was the first person I really fell in love with.”

“Oh, Rich.” Seth’s voice is soft and sad.

“I know that’s a lot to tell you, and like, I haven’t even really told you, or anyone that I’m gay, but I guess here it is, this is so damn...ungraceful,” he rambles with a shaky little laugh, “But I guess I’m not really graceful anyway.”

“It’s okay. You know it doesn’t bother me at all, right? God, I sound like--every straight dude in the world right now. I’m totally cool with gays!”

“Well, maybe a little,” Richie says, unable to not give him a little shit, and he’s happy to hear Seth laugh on the other end. “But thanks. I’m glad you were the first person I told.”

“Well, when I tell you about the dudes I hooked up with in college, I know you’ll be chill about it, too.” Seth says, then adds, “Oh, guess I just did.”

“You what? Seth middle-name Meyers.”

“It’s Adam.”

“Not the point. You what?”

“Dude, haven’t I told you like a million times about my crush on James Spader? Do you know how many times I’ve watched Pretty in Pink? Too many times. That’s not even the best Hughes film.”

“I thought that was like--a joke! You always said you wanted to grow your hair out like that!” He’s smiling against the phone, really truly grinning at this whole mutual coming out situation, and he’s so happy to be smiling again.

“Well, yeah, I do, but also, like, he was hot, okay? Him being bald now is the greatest tragedy of my life.” Seth says, laughing even more.

“You know, I haven’t gone bald yet. I’ve got plenty of hair. It’s unwashed right now, but feel free to run your hands through it. We can roleplay. I’ll be...fuck, what was his name? The Pretty in Pink guy?” Richie hasn’t seen that movie since it came out.

Seth answers very quickly. “Steff.”

“That’s it! I’ll be Steff, and you can be...Andie! That’s her name.”

“Steff wasn’t the love interest, though, remember? He was the love interest’s asshole friend.”

Richie hums. “I’m kind of an asshole. Not as pretty of an asshole as Spader, though.”

“I think you’re perfectly pretty.”

“Thanks,” he smiles again. His stomach knots itself up, then un-knots. Seth Meyers, the man who’s all blue eyes, New Hampshire, and salt-and-pepper hair is calling him pretty. What a world.

After he hangs up and manages to catch a few hours of sleep, he’s not surprised when he gets a call from Seth a few days later asking if he wants to grab a drink, and there’s a different tone to his voice. He can’t quite place it, but it almost sounds nervous, like he doesn’t want to screw this up. He doesn’t screw anything up, though, and when they make their way back to Seth’s apartment, pleasantly buzzed, and end up on his couch, lips on lips, Richie isn’t really surprised, either. He smiles into each one.

They seem to divide their time in between either apartment, not quite ready to have the “hey, let’s move in together” conversation. It’s only been a few months, and they’re taking their time. Richie’s never let himself take his time before.

Most nights, they’re tangled up in whatever bed they’ve fallen into--tonight, it’s Seth’s, and Richie has managed to get him home at a reasonable time, around midnight, even though the show filmed several hours before. (“The news and the president don’t stop,” Seth has explained to him before, “But God, I wish they would.”) He’s running his fingers through Seth’s hair, which is surprisingly soft once all the product is washed out. Richie never gets tired of touching it. “You’re halfway to Spader, I think.”

“Yeah? I’ll see if makeup and wardrobe approve of me growing it out any longer, or if they’ll force me to cut it.” Seth sounds sleepy, but even in the dark Richie can tell he’s smiling.

“I’d like it,” he says, and presses a kiss to the line of Seth’s jaw. “Isn’t that enough?”

“For me? More than enough.” Seth brings him in for a proper kiss, long and deep and warm, hands wandering and stroking skin, unhurried and sweet.

When they pull apart, it comes tumbling out, as things seem to do. “I love you.” It’s the first time Richie has said it. He’s known it, without a shadow of a doubt, for a while now. And he thinks Seth knew it, too, even if it went unsaid. He understood that Richie was working up to this sort of thing, to opening himself up and allowing himself to cry and feel and say things like that. Like I love you. And now it’s come out, like it was always bound to, and Richie feels Seth smile against his temple.

“I love you, too.”

“More than James Spader?”

Seth laughs. “Much more.” He pulls him in for another kiss, and they say “I love you” many more times that night, and almost every night afterward.

#my writing #thank you so much for this prompt! i went a little wild #i kind of woobified richie a bit but what i can i say i love to project #and the james spader thing is the result of seth always talking abt him in monologues and ACNs #he wants to 'grow his hair out that long'#but he needs that 'spader confidence'#lmao #Anonymous

2 notes · View notes

theseerasures · 5 years

Text

Conspicuous Media Consumption, 2019

i mean, everyone's doing these write-ups, right? might as well hop onto the bandwagon

towards the end of last year i had one of my typical existential crises about my media consumption: am i slowly disappearing up my own ass because i no longer care about most of the pop culture people like to discuss ad nauseam? but on the other hand, isn’t it more responsible to find the niche items made by non-mainstream and marginalized creators? on the third hand, wouldn’t i be much happier if i just watched FMA Brotherhood over and over again, preferably while starting a new Mass Effect playthrough at the same time?

the answer to all these questions is probably “yes,” but i decided to try something different going into 2019. for every week of the year, i would try to get through a year’s worth of content for some kind of media, be it comics, video games, TV, etc--they didn’t all have to be recent, or even new to me, but once i was done with that week i’d be done, even if i didn’t finish the content, and i’d make a judgement based what i’d seen on whether i want to continue. mostly, i was trying to avoid what happened to me with video games in 2018, when i was hating every second of playing Uncharted but still felt obligated to finish because everyone and their houseplant liked Uncharted or listlessly doing the Master Hunter achievement in RDR2 because the main quest made me miserable.

the actual outcomes of this Project(tm) are a little more complicated than anticipated--some media i could finish in a day, while trying to play through ALL THE CONTENT OF AN MMO understandably took much longer than a week--but it all kind of evened out. in the end i did 48 weeks of this, and used December as my catch-ups month to follow up on some things i didn’t get to finish. i thought i’d give my thoughts on each of the things i consumed this year as part of this project below in a concise manner--and yes, i know the people who’ve read even one (1) thing i’ve written are probably laughing right now, particularly given how long i took in this introduction just to get to me point, but i really am going to try!! it’s all an exercise in shameless self-indulgence, basically, but hey: if any of you want to chat at length about any of this stuff below, hit me up.

(quick note: you’ll only find media that i chose for this particular project below, so things i watched socially with friends--like certain film properties slorping me back into Disney’s gelatinous monolith--are not included)

Devilman Crybaby (anime, finished 1/5/2019): honestly i should have twigged onto what the year was going to be like when the first thing i drew from the metaphorical barrel was demon tiddies and apocalyptic existentialism. i was determined to dislike it for most of the year due to fundamentally disagreeing with its main thematic thrust, but i kept THINKING about it even months after. at this point i’ve kinda mellowed out. it’s definitely not a must love, but there’s enough queer metaphor and philosophical richness in it to make it worth checking out.

Attack on Titan (manga, 3 volumes finished 1/12/2019): this is the second time i’ve tried to get into this franchise and...yeah, no. i still don’t see the appeal. the fascistic overtones juxtaposed with absolutely no one having a sense of humor wigs me out to no end.

Young Justice (TV, 2.5 seasons finished 1/31/2019): honestly, what even is there to say? they’re my kids. they’re back and grown up and making even more terrible decisions. i screamed when i saw Babs in her wheelchair.

Black Leopard, Red Wolf (book, finished 2/10/2019): i tried VERY HARD to like this book, given how much i liked Brief History of Seven Killings, but it just...didn’t click for me. which honestly is fine, since i don’t think it was made for me either.

Dragon Age (3 games, finished 2/28/2019): i feel like there’s always a part of me that’s going to think of this series as “the other one,” but y’know. it’s good. it’s my second playthrough (as a mage for all three) and it’s good! i even went around killing all the dragons in Inquisition because Knight Enchanter was a blast. appreciate the higher queer content vis-a-vis Mass Effect, even though i couldn’t care less about any of the plot. Dragon Age II is the best one, do not @ me

Bitter Root (comic, 4 issues finished 3/1/2019): i love intergenerational dramas and i love stories about vampire slayers, so this was aces. my only complaint is the pacing was a little slow for a story that was going on hiatus after five issues.

Pearl (comic, 6 issues finished 3/3/2019): i know that he’s done great things and grudgingly admit that he’s probably a net positive in the industry but Brian Michael Bendis can suck my entire dick

Lazarus (comic, 5 trades finished 3/ 4/2019): i really thought this was going to clench the position for comic of the year. it’s Rucka doing Highly Relevant Dystopia! it’s a corporate Lannisters AU! it’s a highly personal story about a woman with high privilege and little agency! what more could you want

Immortal Hulk (comic, 2 trades finished 3/ 4/2019): i vibed with the horror feel, but i don’t honestly think it’s THAT exceptional. being set in 616-verse means there was still ton of baggage i didn’t know or care about, since i’ve now swung more to the DC side of things

thank u, next (album, finished 3/5/2019): didn’t Ariana Grande get canceled this year for some reason? oh well, i liked her album

When I Get Home (album, finished 3/13/2019): i vividly remember listening to this for the first time and feeling vaguely disappointed that it wasn’t more like Seat at the Table until i realized that i was covered in goosebumps. still don’t understand the magic but it is Good

The Bird King (book, finished 3/23/2019): pretty much everything you’d expect from a G. Willow Wilson book--spirituality, the female lead finding Themselves and the Answer and learning they’re the same thing, etc etc. i’m slightly resentful that her Wonder Woman was so lackluster while this was so good, but whatevs

Psychodrama (album, finished 3/29/2019): possibly my favorite album of the year? dense and emotionally raw in a way i really appreciate. Dave has a Mercury and he’s younger than me

Mass Effect (4 games, finished 4/7/2019): wow guys did you know that Mass Effect is good! it is. all of it is actually, even the Mass Effect 3 ending, another controversial finale to a big franchise that i will obstinately defend. even Andromeda, which isn’t AS good as the trilogy but still has a lot of heart. all its bugs have been exhaustively patched since launch anyway

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend (TV, 4 seasons finished 5/13/2019): i’m...still kind of mad about this finale, but can’t exactly deny that this show is one of the best things to ever happen to me, or television probably. i didn’t even mind new!Greg that much! tho he was probably the nail on the coffin of me jumping onto the Nathaniel train.

Knights of the Old Republic/The Old Republic (3 games, finished 7/4/2019): did you guys know that KOTOR II was my first ever video game? i feel like that...explains a lot about me. anyway, the first game is a classic and the second is a deconstructive classic and playing either of them is basically a fun way for me to turn off my brain these days. even the MMO wasn’t as much of slog as i worried it would be. the Imperial Agent storyline had some nice surprises and i dig the general atmosphere of ruthless pragmatism and crushing loneliness.

Wanderers (book, finished 7/13/2019): Chuck Wendig is a very well-intentioned man in dire need of a strict editor. still good tho! some VERY punchy emotional bits and an ending that still leaves me with vague existential terror.

Code Geass (anime, 2 seasons finished 7/20/2019): i feel like this is on the polar opposite of the spectrum as Devilman Crybaby, because i don’t think Geass is GOOD on like, any basis, and i actually find its central moral message kind of abhorrent? but some part of my lizard brain LOVED the High Imperial Family Drama (it’s been a good year for me and Lannister types, hasn’t it? well, with the obvious exception of--never mind), so...yeah. have i discovered the true meaning of guilty pleasure

The Farewell (movie, finished 7/23/2019): how could i not a) watch this and b) love this and c) feel emotionally cold towards this at the same time because the situations depicted were so similar to mine that i ended up feeling kind of alienated

The Nickel Boys (book, finished 8/8/2019): i STILL haven’t read Underground Railroad, but here i am a book late and a dollar short to appreciate Whitehead’s new book. the man’s stylistic versatility is jaw-dropping and i appreciate the plotting in contrast to like, 90% of the litfic out there that’s just “protagonist sad in different milieu”

Durarara (anime, 2 seasons finished 8/31/2019): it’s fucking bonkers and i loved pretty much every second of it? even the second season, where i finally got the BruceNat AU i deserved??? the first anime i’ve seen where everyone was relatively soberly dressed. the answer was love and having feelings and asking your middle school best friend to hurl you like a projectile so you can chop your girlfriend’s head off with a demon katana

Lover (album, finished 9/1/2019): i feel like with all the Discourse surrounding Taylor Swift re: she’s the devil incarnate or re: she’s good, actually the fact that she makes fucking bops gets kind of lost in the conversation. i have no vested interest in her as a person but i liked Lover, even though London Boy was “what if Style but stupid”

Are You Listening (comic, finished 10/2/2019): my actual choice for best comic of the year if i were giving out awards like that. it’s coming of age! it’s grief! it’s queers! it’s trauma! it’s magical realism! it’s cats! it’s expressive gorgeous art! Tillie Walden has an Eisner and she’s younger than me

High School DxD (manga, 2 volumes finished 10/10/2019): i don’t even know how to talk about this series?? i actually kind of came around to the whole “main character is a perv but goes hard for consent” by the end of the second volume, but it’s still...bad. i only can have lingering conflicted feelings about one Japanese adaptation of Christian mythology per year

Ghosteen (album, finished 10/18/2019): much like Immortal Hulk i thought it was fine but over-hyped. it’s Nick Cave doing his Nick Cave ethereal music thing. i still can’t tell what any of the lyrics mean, except Jesus is there sometimes

Watchmen (TV, 2 episodes finished 10/29/2019): i am nOT FUCKING CAUGHT UP so please watch out for spoilers. it is on my high priority list of things to be caught up on tho--i appreciate that the plot is blatantly unsubtle but still manages to give me aneurysms and i appreciate the political overtones just kinda...balances on a razor thin wire and also gives me aneurysms. i wanna say i have no expectations and would be fine if it does a full dive into the horrible bland depths of the both-sides porridge, but i’m sadly a fool who wants to believe in Damon Lindelof

Syllabus/Making Comics (2 comics, finished 12/24/2019): it’s funny--even before Making Comics came out i was like “man i miss Lynda Barry” and then BAM. it’s incredible how her work just makes me feel taken care of, even when we’re wrestling with tough topics or she’s demanding that i draw a Batman in 30 seconds. kudos for immediately shooting to the top of my gift list for my sister also

Allegiance/Choices of One (2 books, finished 12/24/2019): fun and largely inoffensive, but i was honestly hoping for more. the level of Empire apologia going on was too much for me, someone who thinks Mara Jade is the best Star Wars character of all time (still?????? still). it reeked a little of Zahn believing his own hype as the only valid guy in Star Wars Legends of whatever

Aldnoah.Zero (anime, 1 season finished 12/24/2019): turns out i also can only have “trash but my trash” feelings about one Japanese mecha show with higher art pretensions and patriotism verging into jingoism per year, and this one ain’t it. it’s not as good as Code Geass and Code Geass ISN’T GOOD. at least Geass attempted character complexity and moved at enough of a breakneck pace to distract me from its questionable bits. Aldnoah is just...bland, and nothing gets accomplished or revealed in 12 episodes, except the baffling and contradictory motivations of the main bad guy.

Baldur’s Gate (game, unfinished): yet again something i really wanted to like, given *gestures at all the BioWare above*. i think it’s mainly the Seinfeld issue, where it actually predates my own experience with video games and was so formative for the Western RPG genre that what was innovative just comes across as kind of staid now. i didn’t DISLIKE it, and will probably play the sequel since it’s supposed to be more character-driven, but by the time i finished the vanilla campaign i just didn’t have it in me to squint at more tiny avatars on the screen, so the expansions ended up a no-go.

most prominent thing i noticed about this list is that only one 2019 movie made it on the list and ZERO 2019 video games did so. the former i’m okay with because i currently live with two film people with whom i’m happy to tag along to the cinema. the latter bums me out a little more, because there WERE a few things i wanted to play this year, but all of them came out just as my semester was reaching its catastrophic boil, so i had no time. maybe i’ll use my free time after the New Year festivities to catch up on those.

to conclude: this worked out pretty well! i ended up finishing all but one of the things, and only a few were bad enough that i have no interest in seeking out more content. i’ll probably do this again in 2020--we’ll see if the scheduling can withstand a full year of grad school hell

#let's break out a new tag for this since this isn't really meta #conspicuous media consumption

12 notes · View notes