#this is a lot longer than my usual posts

[astoundinglyhugespaceobject]

rewatching ATSV!!!!

i'm just gonna post the screenshots I think are pretty to here (I'm just starting it as i'm writing this, and I'm gonna be screen-shotting things I haven't really seen floating around before, so uncommon rarity ATSV screenshots from me???) i'll go from the drum scene to the scene right before the confrontation w the vulture

i LOVE LOVE LOVE gwen's drum scene so much. i'm prolly gonna use the picture above for my pfp

RAHHHHH I LOVE HER SO MUCH AND HER COLORINGS AND AND

i'm sorry while I was pausing through the scene (its the scene where the collider is like about to explode and then it goes dark) that hobie pic made me laugh

this is genuinely so so beautiful. you can tell how much love the animators put into this movie ugh

do your guys's colliders ever just collapse... :(

mountain dew gwendy is so silly

i literally love all of their outfits so much RAHHH the mary jane's solo

gwen looks so silly right here, she's so me she's literally a silly goose

i cannot for the life of me remember the members's names but i love all of their hair and designs!!!

actions!!!!!!!!!

gwen has her nails painted!!! (or that's the colorings. could very much be either or)

i love her so much rahhhhhhh

oh yeah btw 65 Peter is literally me./j

that dangerous menace is a SILLY GOOSE. :)

the saying grace scene is sick and twisted I'm going to ruin my storage./hj so i'm just gonna like find the scenes with like silly things

BIRTHDAY GWEN!!!!!!! (also, great to mention, the grace scenes are AWESOME for figuring out gwen's general casual outfit style for art/drawing when you don't want to just use her main outfits)

whoever put Peter in the dinosaur costume is evil frfr./hj

christmas!!! (also uncle ben in the far right corner..) side note: I thought gwen's white square on her sweater was cake with trees and candles. I was like: "do people have ... cake for Christmas??" but no, it is just a pattern

dude pushing someone into a wall so hard that their glasses break is crazy.

the people saying hi to Gwen are the Mary Jane's members :(( (they do look very nice though)

OH NOOOOO

crying, peter was trying to take off gwen's mask to see her face one last time. EPRF&YEJVHIUHREHJBUEGIRJFUGREH

PETER NOOOOOOOO (and then there's captain george stacy.)

i love this movie so much ugh

eunyrignyriueht4erkltgherwkjwrgtf

i am a whole-hearted believer in trans gwendy btw to have a trans flag on a her dad (who is a cop)'s uniform is just like a telltale sign also I think 65 Peter is trans as well so it counts for both of them

gwen being nearly entirely blue in the otherwise pink apartment is eryniurtngireksv

gwen has freckles!!

she runs out of the panel so fast it doesn't have time to dissipate. crying

..and then everything goes downhill from here

RAHHHHHHH!!!!

also tumblr won't let me have more than 30 images on one post but the last one I was going to show was the protect trans kids poster screenshot, not because it's not been shown (because it definitely has for better or worse) but it just makes me happy :)

[icewindandboringhorror]

I know this is just a silly bad quality random screencap of a screencap that I found on facebook lol, BUT it's a succinct enough image to easily describe the concept in a quick/accessible way hopefully :

-

(and of course, feel free to elaborate in tags, etc.! (especially elaborating about other senses as well.. can you "hear" in your mind just as well as you can "see"? taste? etc.) It's an interesting topic to me, as someone who's like a 4.5 at MOST lol. I'm curious what option will be the most common :0c )

[lost-in-fandoms]

This has been something that's been living in my mind for a very long time. Sometimes, when things are hard, I write this in my head and it helps, so I thought I'd share. There's a bit of hurt before it goes to the comfort, but the comfort is there, I promise. This got long so you can read it on ao3 too

cw: non-sexual bathing, depression and a whole bunch of self-hatred

Daniel doesn't hear the door opening, but one minute he's alone, curled up under the blankets, and the next Max is sitting on the edge of the bed, running clothes still on. To be fair, Max might have been there for longer than one minute. Daniel hasn't been great at keeping up with time lately, keeps losing hours to naps and blank stares at walls. He's not been great at noticing Max either, sometimes feeling like he's living alone, even when Max is right beside him.

"Daniel."

Daniel opens his eyes again, hadn't even noticed he had closed them in the first place. Max sounds tired, careful, as he often does lately. It makes Daniel want to curl up tighter, shut him out harder, embarrassed and ashamed of being like this.

"Daniel, hey."

Did he close his eyes again? Max has one hand hovering near Daniel's cheek now, but he isn't touching. The last time Max had touched him without asking first when Daniel had been like this, just a hand on his shoulder, Daniel had flinched so hard he had kicked him off the bed.

Max has been sleeping in the guest room since, and the bed feels big and cold every night. Daniel is still glad Max is not touching him.

"Daniel."

Max's voice is firmer now, a frown on his face. It used to make Daniel feel worse, knowing he was upsetting him, but it's been a reality for so long he has learned to accept he's just made to make Max feel worse.

"Your therapist appointment is in two hours, Daniel, you should get up."

This time, Daniel makes the conscious decision to close his eyes. It doesn't matter how many hours he's been spending in this bed lately, he is always exhausted, and getting up sounds like way too much work. He doesn't want to get out of his blankets, doesn't want to have to sit up, to have to speak, to have to sit in their office to talk about his fucked up brain to a lady through a screen.

For a long moment, nobody says anything. Daniel is expecting Max to argue with him, to tell him he's being childish, pathetic, but Max doesn't.

It's worse when he simply sighs and gets up, leaving the room. It makes the chasm in Daniel's chest grow new teeth, gnawing at his lungs, breath stuttering in his throat. He didn't know he could feel more lonely.

He doesn't know what to do with this, with all the slick tar coating his insides, suddenly threatening to spill out, so he does what he's been doing lately and turns around, back to the bedroom door, and wills himself to sleep.

"Daniel."

Max's voice drags him out of the fog. He doesn't know how long it's been, but when he forces himself to open his eyes again, Max is crouching next to the bed, this other side now, still in his running clothes. Not long, then.

"I ran us a bath, will you come with me?" he asks. He doesn't look mad at Daniel for not speaking, doesn't look upset. He looks worried, and pleading. There are black shadows under his eyes. It's worse than him being angry.

It takes a long moment for Daniel to actually process the words, to filter them through the fog, but Max waits patiently. He always waits for Daniel, even when Daniel doesn't deserve it.

He doesn't want to get up, doesn't want to drag his limbs to motion, but he knows he stinks, knows his hair are a greasy mess, flattened on top of his head. He should. He doesn't want to.

"Please."

It's only a whisper, but it's impossible to miss in the quiet room. It pierces through Daniel's heart, his next breath coming out harsh and choked, his eyes closing on instinct. Even when he's deep in his own pain he can't forget how this is hurting Max too, but it's worse to see it so plainly, to hear the desperation in his voice. He doesn't know why Max hasn't left yet.

"You won't have to do anything," Max continues his pleading, more urgent now, "I will carry you, I will wash you, you just have to give me permission to touch you."

There was a time, before everything got this bad, when they were all over each other all the time, constantly touching, kissing, fucking. Now, Daniel can't remember the last time he even had wanted to come and his boyfriend is asking for permission to take care of him. He feels sick.

He hates the idea of Max seeing him like this, dirty and too skinny, but Max has never been good at letting things go and he doesn't have the energy to argue with him, nor the heart to hear his pleading, so he nods.

Relief shows so plainly on Max's face it's almost a physical blow.

He's still hesitant as he grabs Daniel's shoulder, helping him sit up, holding him still until the dizziness wanes, gently easing the t-shirt he's been sleeping in off. Daniel is gearing himself up to stand up when Max leans in closer, guiding Daniel's arms around his shoulder and his legs around his waist. It's not until his hands are under Daniel's thigh and he's heaving himself up that Daniel processes what is happening. A surprised gasp leaves his mouth, but Max only shushes him softly, walking towards the bathroom.

"I won't let you fall," he reassures, as if Daniel could ever be scared of that. As if Daniel had ever not been safe when in his hands.

In the bathroom, Max puts him down on the closed toilet seat. The lights are off and the curtains are drawn, but it's still much lighter than the bedroom, making Daniel squint his eyes almost all the way closed. The bath is full, the sweet smell of his favorite body wash already filling the room. There is an unlit candle on the edge of the tub, and it tugs on Daniel's heart, how deeply Max knows him, how he was aware that Daniel likes to have candles when he's in the bath, but doesn't like smells mixing when he's already so overwhelmed. How he left Daniel the unspoken option without pressuring him to take a decision with a direct question.

"Daniel." Max waits until Daniel is looking back at him before touching his shoulder, fingers warm on Daniel's clammy skin. "Is it okay if I come in with you?"

Daniel had thought it was implied, when Max had said he had ran them a bath, wonders if Max has changed his mind, now that Daniel is almost fully naked in front of him.

Some of his thoughts, who knows how much, he hasn't had control of his face in so long, must show, because Max frowns, other hand coming up to cradle Daniel's cheek.

"Daniel, I want to, but I don't want you to be uncomfortable. Can you please tell me? What is best?"

What is best? The best would be to go back four years and tell his old self to make different decisions. Go back two years and tell Max to make different decisions. Go back ten minutes and tell himself to fall back to sleep for a long long time.

He doesn't know how to answer an open question, one that requires more than a yes or no. He nods anyway.

"Yes, I can?" Max clarifies. Daniel doesn't understand why he looks so happy about it, but he nods again, and Max smiles, the lovely crinkly one that makes his cheek bunch up. It's a stab in his chest, realising how much he had been missing it, how long it had been since he had last seen it.

Max is efficient with his own clothes, stripping off and throwing them on the floor, but he's careful with Daniel, pulling him up and gently easing his underwear off, one leg at a time. Daniel finds himself looking at the wall over Max's back, refusing to look down at his own body, refusing to think about another time, when Max on his knees in front of him would have meant something completely different.

He lets Max help him into the bath too, water deliciously hot, scooting forward to let Max sit behind him.

For a second, the inch of space between them feels like a wall. Then Max sneaks a arm around his waist, pulling him against his chest, legs bracketing him.

Daniel lets himself go boneless, knowing Max will keep him upright.

He doesn't know how long they just stay like that, lost in the warmth of the water and the steady movement of Max's chest, but after a while he feels him shift behind him, reaching for something.

"I will wash your hair now, okay?"

Daniel nods, following Max's guidance to reposition himself slightly so that he has easier access to his hair, but keeps his eyes closed, brain for once blissfully quiet.

He doesn't know what he was expecting, but for sure not the smell of his favorite shampoo to fill his nostrils, aware that he had ran out weeks prior and hadn't bothered to buy more, using Max's 2in1 instead, uncaring of how frizzy it made his curls. He doesn't know when Max went to buy more, but it's yet another squeeze to his heart.

Max is slow with it, massaging Daniel's head, his firm and gentle fingers moving down towards his neck and shoulders too, working his tension away.

He holds a hand over Daniel's forehead when rinsing him, like Michelle does with the kids, and maybe once Daniel would have argued against the babying, but not now, not when he feels so deeply cared for.

He's not expecting to hear the click of another bottle opening, wasn't aware Max even knew of the existence of conditioner. He must make a sound, because he feels Max's chest move under him, as if Max is leaning forward to check his face.

"Okay?" he asks, fingers pausing in his hair.

Daniel hums, more sound than he's produced in hours, and it feels like a reward when Max presses a kiss on his wet shoulder.

"I called Vic, before," Max starts talking, hesitant and almost embarrassed, fingers twisting in Daniel's hair. Daniel doesn't know where this is going, but it's nice, to listen to Max's voice, his chest vibrating with it against his back, feeling closer than they had in weeks.

"I wanted to know, I..." Max huffs out half a laugh, self deprecating in a way he usually isn't. "I sent her pictures, of your hair things. I don't know why you have so many, but of course she knew, and..."

Daniel twists around, Max's fingers slipping from his hair, suddenly overcome with too much emotion to be able to deal with it like this. He bangs his knee against the side of the tub, his tense shoulders twinging with pain at the uncomfortable position, and he barely gets a glimpse of Max's spooked expression before he's burying his face in his shoulder, kissing the warm skin there.

He feels Max move, giving him more space to turn around, hands rubbing his back.

"I'm sorry," Max throws out in a rush, voice tense, and Daniel doesn't know what he's apologizing for, not when he's been so wonderful all this time. "I don't know, I..."

Max's voice breaks in sync with Daniel's heart.

"What have I done wrong?" Max begs, both keeping Daniel against him and pulling back, trying to look at him. "Daniel, please, if I..."

Daniel shakes his head grabbing at him to keep him close.

"No, it's good, you..." his voice is raspy from disuse and he can feel Max flinch in surprise when he hears it, but he pushes through, for once, unable to stand Max thinking he's done something wrong. "Thank you."

Tension bleeds out of Max's body as he cradles him close again, lips finding Daniel's hair, uncaring of the conditioner still there.

"I want," Max pauses, breathing out heavily, almost a sigh. "If I can do something to make you feel better, always I want to do it."

It splits Daniel's heart wide open, the candid way Max is able to say things like this, the steadiness with which he's never stopped caring for him, not even back when they weren't together, when they weren't even talking. He hopes Max can't feel the tear he can't stop on his already damp skin.

They breathe together for a long minute, while Daniel tries once again to process the impossibility of Max's love and Max holds him close, but it still feels too soon when his back starts screaming in protest, forcing him to turn back around.

They settle back in the previous position, but it feels like something dislodged in Daniel's chest. He feels lighter and more anchored at the same time, feels like Max's hands on his body are more real, like the fog in his brain has dispersed a little.

After rinsing the conditioner, careful hand still shielding Daniel's eyes, Max moves onto an hair mask.

"Vic said, of course she does not have your hair, but Vic said this was last," he explains, coiling Daniel's curls around his fingers, one by one, focused on the task as he would be on following the perfect racing line. "She said to do this, to make them right."

Daniel tries to imagine it, Max in the living room, or maybe on his run, or in the supermarket, calling his sister for advice on hair care. He knows he talks to his family most days, but it's different, to know he talks about him, about doing something to make Daniel feel good. A spike of shame curses through him, knowing that it means at least Victoria is aware of how much of a shitty boyfriend he's been lately, but for once it doesn't stay, quickly replaced by overwhelming affection. For Max, for asking, and for Victoria, for giving such careful and detailed instructions, clearly invested in making sure Max could do his best.

The water is cooling down by the time Max rinses off the hair mask and presses another kiss on Daniel's shoulder, arms wrapping around his waist once again.

"We can get out, or I can add hot water," he offers, lips brushing against Daniel's skin. Daniel almost asks him to stay, wanting to prolong the time spent in this little bubble of comfort, but their fingers are wrinkly and he knows his therapist appointment will be soon. He had thought about skipping it, earlier, just hide in bed and refuse to talk, but now that his brain is clearer he knows it would just make things harder.

When he moves, Max moves with him, keeping him steady as they both stand up, holding his hip as he rinses him with the shower head, knowing that Daniel doesn't like to just get out of the bath, even without him having to ask, taking his hand as they step out of the tub, offering him a towel.

Daniel doesn't fight when Max starts drying him, or when he squeezes the water out of his hair with another towel, or when he goes to the bedroom and comes back with clean clothes. He lets himself be taken care of, for once enjoying again being the center of Max's full attention.

It's only when Max steps back that Daniel notices how the hoodie Max is wearing is one of Daniel's, and it reminds him all over again how he's not the only one suffering from all the shit his brain is putting him through.

It makes his heart hurt, but at the same time he can't help but feel yet another wave of love for his boyfriend, who hasn't complained, hasn't left, has never made him feel guilty for any of this. His boyfriend, who so obviously misses him, enough to wear clothes that are too warm for him.

"Come here."

Max's head snaps up, surprise clear on his face, but when Daniel opens his arms he goes willingly, folding into himself a little to be able to fit against Daniel's chest.

"I love you," Max whispers it like a secret, hiding it in the folds of Daniel's sweater, and it makes Daniel wish he could fix his brain quickly, once and for all, just to not have to hear him so small ever again.

"I love you too."

He presses one kiss on Max's hair, then another.

He knows that when they'll break the hug, Max will probably try to convince him to have some food, then will sit in the living room pretending he isn't waiting for Daniel to be done with his session. He will try to make Daniel talk about it, go outside, eat dinner, brush his teeth, take his meds. He will be there, and stay there, even when Daniel kicks him to the guest room because he can't stand the touch of another human being, even when Daniel won't speak to him for hours and hours, too lost in his own head.

Daniel wants to say thank you, but it feels like there's so much he has to be thankful for, two little words wouldn't be enough. He hopes Max gets it anyway.

[amethystina]

Hi! Thou Shalt Not Covet got me craving for more and thinking... what do you think is the difference between Ga On and Yo Han's jealousy? When would they feel most threatened? Also, how far do you think they would go in terms of their possessiveness?

Would love to read more about that 🙃

Hi there 💜

I think the biggest difference is that Ga On's jealousy is more internal while Yo Han's is more external. Like, Ga On becomes introspective, picks everything apart, and overthinks things, trying to figure out why this is happening and, not so surprisingly, what he did wrong to make it happen. Because even if Ga On would be angry and probably pretty vicious, he'd still focus a lot on his own "blame" and start wondering why he's not good enough. All those abandonment issues would kick in and he'd come up with a number of theories and what he thinks are answers — but they're all just speculations.

And, because of that, I don't think Ga On would really lash out against Yo Han and whoever's making him feel jealous. Or, well, with words and such, sure — and clearly mark the boundaries if he and Yo Han are a couple and someone is encroaching on his territory — but not by causing physical harm. Ga On's jealousy is more bark than bite, basically. Because somewhere deep down he'd be convinced he's just not good enough and that's not a reason to hurt someone else over. It's Ga On's own fault for not being lovable enough, right?

So while he'd get snappish and rude, he'd never act on it in a threatening or malicious way.

Yo Han, on the other hand — oh boy.

I did answer an ask about how Yo Han would react if he ever had a reason to suspect that Ga On was cheating on him and all of that still stands. I think Yo Han would focus all his ire outwards, the jealousy becoming a weapon to hurt others rather than himself (as opposed to Ga On who internalises it all and ends up hurting himself rather than others). That's not to say that Yo Han wouldn't have some angsty moments where he bemoans the fact that he's a monster and, clearly, no one can love him, but those aren't his main focus.

His main focus would be making life difficult for Ga On and whoever's making Yo Han jealous. And as for whether or not Yo Han would go far enough to kill? Uh, I mean... that depends on the situation? x'D

Ga On? Never.

(though Yo Han might just lock him away and throw away the key)

The other person? He'd be tempted.

But it would have to be an extreme situation, I think. Because killing someone he perceives as a romantic rival would, in some ways, be an admission of weakness. It would mean that Ga On has an incredible amount of power over Yo Han and I don't think that he'd be willing to admit that Ga On's choices can influence Yo Han's decisions to that degree. Especially if he thinks that Ga On has betrayed him by falling in love with someone else. That would mean that Yo Han has to admit to himself that he's pining after someone who's not his — which would hurt his pride something terrible.

So, in the long run, while Yo Han is certainly capable of murdering someone he considers a romantic rival, I don't think he would. Because it's beneath him. He's not that interested or invested in Ga On.

(except yes he is — he's just a grumpy old man who refuses to admit it to himself)

As for when they'd feel most threatened, I think it would be before they get together or just shortly after they get together. Once they've been a couple for years and settled down, I don't think jealousy is going to be much of an issue for them. Because they'll both know that there's no way in hell either of them is stupid enough to throw away what they have, given how well-matched they are. They know there's no one else who can give them exactly what they need.

And, like, if they have kids? Fuck no.

Both Ga On and Yo Han would go: "No, he loves the kids and me too much to cheat" and that's that. I mean, sure, there might still be brief moments when they have to get a little possessive when a third party is being too flirty, but neither of them would actually think that the other is going to respond to that flirting and start straying.

(partly because I suspect that they have an unspoken agreement of: "if you do cheat on me I'll take the kids and spend the rest of my days making your life a living hell" but that sounds a lot less romantic)

But at the beginning? Or just after they get together? There would definitely be more to worry about.

And their weak spots are connected to their overall insecurities. So Ga On would be afraid that he's not good enough, not lovable enough, not smart enough, not experienced enough etc. He's not very glamorous or suave and pretty shy and clumsy about sex at first. He'd worry that he can't give Yo Han what he needs and that he'll eventually become a burden or that Yo Han will grow bored of him. He'd feel clingy and desperate and wonder if, just maybe, Yo Han wants someone more like himself — someone calm, rational, and mature. So just the usual abandonment and self-esteem issues cranked up to a toasty fifteen, basically.

Yo Han, meanwhile, would feel threatened at the thought of not being able to give Ga On the life and love he deserves. Yo Han is nothing if not self-aware and he knows that living with him is difficult, so he'd worry that someone might come along and show Ga On that he can find a better, sweeter, and kinder life elsewhere. Yo Han would worry that he's hurting Ga On by holding on to him and that, maybe, Ga On will realise that too someday and choose someone better. Someone who can love him and support him and care for him in a way that Yo Han can't with all his jagged edges. That was probably why he felt so threatened by Soo Hyun — she could give Ga On a life full of love and light and softness, whereas Yo Han can only offer darkness. And Ga On deserves better.

Again, it all depends a bit on the situation, though. Like, different insecurities rise to the forefront depending on where they are in their relationship and what the exact situation is.

But something like that, I guess?

I admit I've debated whether or not to write a fic based on that ask about Yo Han being jealous but goddamn it would hurt so maybe not x'D I don't like hurting myself (or Ga On) like that.

I've also toyed with the idea of writing Yo Han's POV of Thou Shalt Not Covet partly because I think it's hilarious just how confused he was there for a second. But that also means I'd have to write out Yo Han's thoughts and not all of them were pretty or kind. He's not a nice man — even less so when Ga On gives him such a perfect opening for some manipulation that will result in Ga On staying by his side >_>

So we'll see. It's not very high on my list of priorities right now since I have so many other projects I want to focus on.

Thank you so much for the ask! Please take care 💜

[cathalbravecog]

scenecore misty back at it again!! + a speedpaint! :D

it wasn't meant to be a youtube link, but uploading the video file itself won't work, so apologies about that i know youtube links are annoying on tumblr please don't kill me </3

[moth-flowers]

moth-flowers #17

[shenenenigans]

There’s no flower in this world more beautiful than an artificial one. That’s because everything is manufactured by lies.

@4listr @aakaneeee @bluemoonscape @rockwgooglyeyes @apriciticreveries @pwippy @nottoonedin @starry-skiez @paradisedisconcert

CW: sirius talks about the abuse they’ve suffered with guardian noct. this includes SA, and it’s a little bit graphic. but also be warned it’s very uncomfortable because it’s done by noct, who has tentacles for limbs. there is also the normal content warnings with sirius, like experimentation and murder.

NOTE: sirius might contradict himself. that’s on purpose. sirius might lie. that’s on purpose. also, this text won’t be entirely in pink. it’s a lot longer than my other like “character thoughts” posts to be fully pink, and i don’t want to hurt anyone’s eyes... and i barely edited this bare with me please

Getting branded was very painful. I believe this was done on purpose, though I’m not sure of the reason why. I hadn’t done anything wrong. Noct only makes me suffer as a punishment, so I don’t know why he had done this.

Sometimes, when I visit Noct, he’s not in a very good mood. I do try to make our flowers live for as long as possible, but sometimes a few have to die so our materials don’t get wasted. I don’t quite get why wilting flowers directly relates to Noct wanting to hurt me, but I’ve learned not to question him because it only leads to worse punishment.

I remember once, as a child, I accidentally broke one of our preservation tanks. I tripped over a pen Hanno had dropped on the ground, and I fell into the tank. Noct was so angry with me. I can clearly picture slimy tentacles lifting my body off the ground and the jarring electric shock that came shortly after. No matter how hard I tried to wriggle out of his grip, nothing worked. Noct was too strong for me to escape. It disgusted me to feel Noct touching me all over, the wet consistency of his limbs only reaching lower and lower. He even covered my mouth so I couldn’t scream.

That was the first time that Noct had been so infuriated at me that he assaulted me.

I read in a book that when humans ruled the Earth, such assaults were illegal and frowned upon in society. I don’t understand why Noct seems to think this is a normal, suitable punishment for a pet.

It was like I couldn’t wash the filth off my body no matter how hard I tried. I would shower multiple times a day, scrubbing so hard it felt like my skin was burning. And nothing would work. Nothing would ever work. I tried to like everything was normal so he wouldn’t do it again. I didn’t want him to do it again. But it happened, it always happened, and I wasn’t sure how to prevent it.

I’m sure that Noct enjoys seeing me in pain. Or rather, humans in pain. I suppose that’s why he chose to have my brand be on my spine. But he only puts me through pain to punish me, so why not put my brand on a spot that would give me less torment? I didn’t have any anesthetics either. I don’t get it. I really don’t. I didn’t need to be punished. I had been good, so why did he feel the need to torture me in such a way?

I think Noct was beginning to just have fun with me at that point. When he visited shortly after my branding procedure was done, he threw me against the wall and… Well, I’m sure that he had his reasons for it, but it felt so unnecessary. I didn’t attend my classes the next day.

Noct tells me he loves me. He tells me he loves me and he treats me like a doll meant to be cast away. He treats me like a toy. He says I’m his most prized possession, but if being prized means being abused, I don’t want it. I don’t want to be loved, I don’t want to be known, I don’t want to be seen. I wish I were invisible, I wish nobody would look at me ever again. I wish I could be clean, I wish I felt real, I wish to be hated so I never have to be loved again.

I don’t understand the concept of love. If love is sweet, why does it hurt me? Love is a selfish concept made for those in power to look down on the weak. Love is a game that damages the soul.

I despise love. I wish it despised me in return.

I tried to kill love. Multiple times, in fact. My brother Hanno showed me love, and I killed him for it. He used to yell at me through my door, telling me he was going to kill me. He told me that horrible things day after day, but he also used to tell me how my creations were beautiful. I don’t get it. I don’t understand him. One day, he told me I was like a sibling to him. He said he loved me.

He died not long afterward. It was his fault, truly.

Chiara showed me love, I killed her too. I knew I’d never be her first priority. She was only using me for pretty flowers and good food Guardian Kora would never give her. There’s no possible way she really enjoyed my company. I knew this, so I used her as an experiment and told her terrible things as she was dying.

Vera was the first to show me love. In my early years, she acted like a mother. She cared for me, even if I was just some forgettable piece of garbage. She would talk about her love, Ellie, that she killed in the Alien Stage competition. She talked about Ellie’s love for life and love for plants, and she only ever said positive things about Ellie. It never made sense to me why she simply went through with her guardian’s plans to kill her. If her love really was that strong, it would’ve been pure enough to disobey her guardian’s wishes. It would’ve been pure enough to allow Vera to run away with Ellie.

I killed her because she was a fucking liar. Vera loved Ellie, but she killed her. She told me she would never do that to me. She’d never hurt me or abandon me. Lies, all of them, lies. I had already been hurt, I had already been abandoned, so it would be remarkably easy to do it again. She lied to me. I could see it in her eyes, she lied to me. She was planning to hurt me, I just know it.

I am jealous of those with pure love in their hearts. I am jealous of those who share a love with no pain, no suffering, no power imbalance, and no heartache. So, when I see Numa and Xael together, of course I’m bitter.

I worked on Numa before. I remember getting him to trust me, and I eventually convinced him to let me operate on him so I could tamper with his tastebuds. I am the reason he can no longer taste anything but human meat. And yet, he’s still thriving. He’s still caring, and bright. He brought joy to Xael’s life that I have never had in mine. He’s not suffering, not in the slightest.

He treats Xael so kindly, so gently. Numa cradles Xael in his arms at night. He’s so soft and slow when they’re intimate. He cares so much, it’s not overpowering. He isn’t abusive. He doesn’t hold power over Xael.

I wish, just once, someone would direct their kindness to me. True, unconditional kindness. Giving me gifts isn’t true kindness. Telling me I’m smart isn’t true kindness. I need someone to read my soul, to see me for who I am, without wanting to change me or fix me. I don’t want roughness, I don’t want pain, I don’t want torment.

I just want to be perceived.

[good-beanswrites]

Hear me out:

Kotoko adopted Es, and Fuuta went ballistic.

Rip Fuuta... he can never catch a break... Asdfsdf thank you for this, it was a blast thinking of all the ridiculous ways this could have played out! (One possibility I toyed with was Fuuta's competitive instincts take over, he fights her for Es, only to realize too late "*I* don't want to be responsible for a whole child WAIT") It's a similar format to the last one, with a knock-at-the-door reveal, but I still think it works 😂

“Don’t fuck with me, Es.”

“I would never.”

Lying brat. Fuuta knew they would every chance that they got. It was the reason he was so relieved that Es decided to find somewhere else to live after Milgram’s end. Fuuta had nothing left to fear from his former warden, but the others’ suggestions that Es become his new roommate still made him shudder. Three interrogations in a closed space with the rude kid were enough for him, thank you very much.

However, it wasn’t all a relief. He couldn’t help feeling concerned about who they’d gone to live with. Given how cryptic they were being, Fuuta would have been convinced they walked into the woods to find a furry family of Jackalopes or something to raise them –except, they showed up for this walk with clean clothing and internet access. 

“I don’t believe you. You’re fucking with me right now. Why can’t you just tell me who it is?” 

“It isn’t any of your concern. Hey, I thought you swore to stay out of others’ business. You turned over a new leaf and all that?”

“Tch. I meant other people’s business. You’re different.” 

If Es had vanished off the grid like some of the other prisoners, Fuuta wouldn’t have cared. But they were here, near enough to arrange some lame meetup, which meant they were going to remain in his life for a while longer. And that meant, as the model citizen that Fuuta was, he felt responsible for ensuring they didn’t get themselves kidnapped by some creep. 

He asked, “how much do you know about them, anyway? I mean, what kind of person can house a random weird kid on incredibly short notice? That’s definitely suspicious.”

Fuuta pulled the mask up on his face as they turned down a more crowded street. He knew people were going to gawk at his eye anyways, but it still helped him feel like he was blending in. With his thoughts on the injury for a moment, he was glad that bitch Kotoko was one of the prisoners who had gone off the grid. Good riddance.

“I promise, she’s fine. Not weird with children at all. In fact, she’s really good with them, which is why she could help me on such short notice.” They muttered, “but it’s not like I’m that young…”

“That’s still not normal. Is she some old housewife or something?”

“Ah, are you trying to do the interrogation this time? Actually, I’d say she’s around your age.”

“It’s just you two living alone? I’m still worried about Milgram coming looking for us again – can a girl like that really protect you?”

“Is everyone supposed to live with a big, strong man, like you?”

“Wha–!” Fuuta’s cheeks burned red. “That’s not what I –!”

“I’m only teasing. It’s cute that you care about me.”

That only agitated him more. “It’s not cute! I’m being realistic! One of us has to think about your safety while you’re just distracted by some pretty girl.”

“What makes you think she’s pretty?”

“Well, why else would you be so careless in deciding to live with her?”

All of the sudden, he saw it in Es’ eyes: that spark of mischief that Fuuta had come to loathe. He could never tell what they were plotting, but it was never a good sign.

Es held up their hands in mock surrender. They put on a ridiculous, overdramatic voice. “Ah, you caught me, Fuuta! I’m hiding her identity because she’s the most beautiful, capable woman in all of Japan, and I want to keep her all to myself!” 

He groaned, but they weren’t deterred. “She’s got everything, I couldn’t risk you falling for her! She’s quite capable of defending me. She’s very strong, with protective instincts much like your own. She understands our situation like no one else could. She’s got intense eyes, and you wouldn’t believe her singing voice. She enjoys deep conversations, she’s a dog person, she –”

“ – now you’re being the creep! Just shut up, I get it already...”

When they finally had the decency to pull it together, they reassured him. “It’s all true, though. So there’s no need to worry about me. I’m in good hands.”

Good hands, his ass. In only a brief conversation, the caretaker had gone from sounding a little suspicious to sounding way too good to be true… meaning she was extremely suspicious.

“Maybe someday I’ll introduce you, if you’re lucky...”

He turned his eyes away. “At least let me run some background checks on her first.” 

(He would just stalk her on social media, but that still counted.)

“You’re just going to stalk her on social media. That doesn’t count.”

“Eh? I have legit methods!” He hid deeper under his mask.

Even after the topic was dropped, after he and Es parted ways on an awkward goodbye, Fuuta was left thinking about this mystery woman. It took a bit of digging (and maybe a tiny bit of social media stalking) but at last he found where Es lived with this stranger. Contrary to what they may believe, he had turned over a new leaf. There would be no more hiding behind screens or letting others do the confrontation for him. Now that he was a changed person, he’d do the healthy and normal thing with this information: he’d march on down there himself and confront her like a man. 

He made it all the way to the front door with his chin high. He knocked with confidence. 

Then he began to shift nervously. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t get the woman’s description out of his head. Sure, he was here to check on Es, but if someone happened to check him out at the same time, it was only right to be prepared… He straightened his shirt collar. He ran his fingers through his hair. He wondered if he should have covered up his eye to look more presentable.

The door swung open. 

The surprise on Kotoko’s face was nowhere near the amount on Fuuta’s.

“Oh, for fucks sake –!”

From somewhere behind her, Es’ laughter rang out.

[hey-scully-itsme]

dipping my toes into the world of crossover fanfic and telling myself over and over that i do not need to come up with a perfect justification for why something is happening in order to write it bc a) it's fanfiction and b) the source material has done weirder and dumber shit

[xxplastic-cubexx]

sorry if you've already mentioned but what (re?)ignited your love of comics/x-men/cherik? curious because there are so many different adaptations of them

i think im gonna speak for a few (or a lot of) people when i say that TL;DR the wolverine x deadpool movie that came out this summer is what pulled me back into comics and i COULD leave it there but i will go into excruciating and unnecessary detail instead because i love an origin story and i love oversharing.

under the cut tho because im nice sometimes (there's also wxdp doodles in here. if you want to see that)

ironically (and probably commonly), growing up i was more of an avengers kid. Kinda. Loosely <- binge watched the cartoons and movies and read copious amounts of comics and fics and i am hoarding fanart in my old dresser as we speak ok 'loosely' is a modest lie.

embarrassingly i remember getting into discus cause of captain america LMAO so yeah needless to say i was a Humble Fan- me joining my school's comic class/club didnt help either (shoutout to my teach from that she was the realest one out there for. A Multitude of reasons). she definitely is was inspires me to even draw still and make comics and i often think bout the tips i learned from her class tbh she was great

back to the movies t and comics tho, i got into em because my brother would offer to take me and that's how we'd hang out (i rarely saw movies in theaters and i even more rarely went anywhere as a teenager. still kinda like that today tbh ooops) and yk. it just snowballed after that.

my brother and i have always liked comics- he just more than me for a while (though he still very much loves comics and As We Know From My Posts we still talk about them whenever i see him To An Exhausting Degree)

durin then i was really into stony and i have a few surviving doodles i made but those are between me and god. and anyone who asks tbh LOL

'snap can you make this related to x-men again this is long' ok so fast forward to This Summer again I Still Don't Really See Movies but my brother offered to take me and this was the first time i'd actually seen an x-men movie in full

as a kid i only remember seeing the 'perfection' scene between erik and raven in first class while i was channel surfing. pretty sure i changed the channel after seeing mystique naked cause i was scared my parents would get mad at me if they caught me watching it LOL

BUT MOVING ON As A Kid i think it's also natural you'll sometimes watch 92 if it's on And I Did though evidently it didn't stick too hard (i do remember really liking beast and gambit though.... still do really): my knowledge of x-men was. INCREDIBLY sparse. like diabolically so so i didnt have too much expectations (aside from the fact i vaguely liked deadpool beforehand).

tbh i dont know why my bro never took me to see any of the x-men movies. it's not like he doesn't Also like x-men (90% sure nightcrawler's his favorite but my brother will be caught dead saying he has absolute favorites like that)- he owns a bitch load of deadpool comics/omnibus sets too (of which ive read over the years and reread this year) but Shrug moving on

Much Like Most Of The Internet i fell down the rabbit hole that way. i have some doodles i made a couple days after seeing WxDP that i now have an excuse to throw at all of you Look And Perceive

and so. As I Do. i got curious and told myself i'd binge watch all the x-men movies the week before i went back to school And Then I Did ft. My Brother Sometimes and then i said i'd binge watch all of '92 and And I Did That ft. My Brother Sometimes But Less So and now we're here. currently watching Evolution...

once i got to school i realized i lived near a comic shop and started getting into the comics that way (the first ones i got since going down this rabbit hole was Magneto Was Right!, The Resurrection of Magneto, and The Trial of Magneto. if you were curious !!!!! clearly i didnt care too much about context i just needed to see My Guy jelvejlkvj i have no regrets and Evidently ive read more since)

i'm pretty sure what dragged me into cherik specifically was the fact i saw a clip of The Famous ending to 92 where erik's aghast at the notion jean even has to question his love for charles. i think that was what officially had me refocus my lens on them: not a single poolverine thought after that LOL (all the cherik posting i saw on twitter definitely helped too but that was the nail in the coffin for any other interests i had: i was locked into cherik and x-men in general now)

that clip specifically, i was surprised at the fact they- frequently even- have the x-men franchise say erik loves charles and vice versa so bluntly. even if it's not meant to be romantic, i fear im just a fan of how casually the word's thrown around with them two and i got tender bout it all. Then Yk. i just live for the drama. the hilarity even. the sincerity .... they make me sick if i think of them too long so im gonna end it here

before i go tho ironically enough, the first x-men issue i owned was This one (story a this is that while stuck in some wacko dimension charles accidentally gets himself trapped in logan's mind while utilizing his astral projection. if you were curious). pretty sure i got it for free with another comic set i got years ago since our old comic shop loved to do that, but it's poetic aint it. maybe ill doodle something referencing it..

i should probably look into finishing this arc someday im Dummy curious to even know how it started and how it ends.....

[whelmed-justwhelmed]

Thoughts about Vincent Valentine and some of his struggles

Some miscellaneous notes before the actual substance of this post.

Loosely inspired by / based on this post, might suggest reading it before my own for a better understanding of the perspectives of the ideas in this post, though not strictly necessary as I think it’s still comprehensible without doing so. This post was made to my understanding + my current interpretation + what I can remember of things at the moment. Anyways here’s my maybe somewhat rambling thoughts, this is what I’ve got thus far. ( @sephirthoughts ask and you shall receive.)

After seeing and being inspired by the previously mentioned post I got to thinking about what I felt to be an interesting character development opportunity for Vincent. The basic premise being how Vincent’s situation, mostly in relation to himself and some of the things that have happened to him in the past, could potentially improve if he could at least start to reconcile his views of things compared to the objective realities. I feel like a step like this could help him to have a healthier perspective and at least somewhat improve his general quality of life.

Now it’s known how feelings such as guilt and regret among other such ones weigh heavily on him, of which a significant amount stem from his time as a bodyguard for the scientists of shinra manor. Although I do acknowledge these things aren’t the only ones that weigh on him and that my proposal of reconciliation is not the only thing that could be done to help his situation, much of his suffering specifically does seem to directly or indirectly stem from that time, his perspective of it, and of how it all relates to him. So with that perspective in mind, I think it’s a good place to start (at least for this hypothetical Vincent character development scenario).

Vincent is the sort where I want to (respectfully) gently grab him by the shoulders and shake a bit going, “It’s not your fault, it wasn’t your fault, it wasn’t your responsibility, you did about as much as you could for the situation, It. Wasn’t. Your. Fault.” Sadly though it seems (at least to me I feel) he’s generally not at a point where such a message would really get through to him in any meaningful or lasting way, so then that led me to wonder, what sorts of things might get him to that point? And what would the process look like?

I feel like he would probably need some sort of external prompting to actually properly start the process and that said process would be a gradual one. Not entirety sure how the prompting would start and be sustained though. Perhaps for example as something to start with, something like the moment in the lament of the damned side quest in rebirth where there’s brief vague discussion of the manor scientists and Barrett expresses how he thinks Lucrecia must not have been all that much better than Hojo causing Vincent to get defensive about her. A gradual process of stuff that challenges him like others questioning things and being faced with tangible evidence of the past, something that challenges him and he actually starts to stop and more seriously consider that perspective.

Here’s where the basic premise as previously mentioned really comes in. I feel Vincent’s situation could potentially improve if he could start to reconcile his perspective and feelings regarding what happened then and the objective reality of it. Challenges and consideration could lead to some acknowledgment that those two perspectives can coexist with each other, that he doesn’t have to choose one over the other.

In regards to Lucrecia, while not always exactly the most pleasant way to think of her, he can still feel fondly towards her and her memory while also thinking a bit more critically about how her actions and the choices she’s made have had serious and more often than not harmful consequences, especially about the harm done to him directly or indirectly. He could still care about her, albeit a likely less idealized version of her, and hold her a bit more accountable for the harm she’s caused. In regards to Vincent himself, it could significantly improve his overall view of himself and perhaps by extension general quality of life. Potential benefits being things like generally improving his mental state, the more specific parts of that could be things like better self worth, less self loathing, at least a bit of self forgiveness, generally starting to be able to take some of the blame off of himself. As such it could help him start to recognize he’s largely not responsible or at fault for what happened (and that he was a victim of the circumstances at that point more than anything?). It could help facilitate him being able to cope with it all a bit better, perhaps even heal the mental / emotional wounds a bit.

All that said, I highly doubt all this would be easy for him to do, I think he’s going to have to struggle for it. Like I’ve said, I think it would be a slow and gradual process that challenges him to think more critically and change his perspective to eventually at least start to understand that he’s not the one in the wrong, such a process would take time and effort. It would also involve a lot of difficult emotions, what emotions, in what context, and how they come up, I don’t really have as much of an answer for at the moment as I feel it depends on how one would imagine the reconciliation process and things as a whole would play out. I’m not necessarily saying I want to see him break down or something like that per se, but I would like for him to have proper opportunities to be more openly emotional about it all. For him to have chances to be vulnerable and be treated with care in return. (And if that means having him break down then by all means let him break down.)

I do want to say that I don’t expect such a process to solve everything with him or that I would expect him to stop being upset about all that’s happened or otherwise take away what makes his story his (etc.), just that ultimately the idea is all about getting him to a point of having a bit more of a balance of his feelings and viewpoint. Bittersweet, but hopeful.

Hypothetically, if I were to try and place the idea where I think it could work well game timeline wise, I would place it around Dirge of Cerberus and / or post Dirge. I think it would go well then for the subject matter being covered, could work well thematically, and for potential opportunities for him to actually have the time and space to think and process (etc.). (Admittedly I think that putting it sometime around DoC is the obvious answer and that it could work at other points in time as well if it was done thoughtfully.)

I think that’s about all I have on this right now.

[vincess-princess]

as we were falling: masterpost

should have made it a long time ago, i just thought there was no demand for it

Summary: The coreworld sparkles and shines in its skyscrapered glory, the midworld smothers its planets in industrial smoke, and the edgeworld fights tooth and nail against the inevitable human expansion. All of that rests on the shoulders of 'unpaid workforce' - or, more commonly, slaves, the resource now most in demand. Tommy and Nikki, just recently enslaved, now have to navigate the complicated hierarchy of the new age society - the society that doesn't tolerate slaves with opinions and ambitions of their own. Word count: 14k Warnings: slavery, violence, invasive medical practices, imprisonment and the like. Will be updated along the way.

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

[ophernelia]

I need to go in game to take some pictures and do one last look over of the swatches BUT the HBCU overrides should be out either later today or tomorrow. I just wish I knew how to make clothes. I’d love to change the mascot costumes too if I could.

[turtlemagnum]

god, i suck at mario 2. i'm disparaging my legacy.... seriously, how the fuck have i beaten the lost levels without save states but can't get past 1-3 in american mario 2???? why am i not instantly good at a game i've never really played, god!!!! my mother would be disappointed in me

post writing the tags turtle here: i started rambling about my childhood made the tags longer than the actual post and don't feel like putting them onto the actual post because that'd be too much work and i'm feeling lazy. read em if you want personal bullshit! or don't. i'm not care

[naomiknight-17]

Lol I posted about how my fatigue wasn't too too bad today and then I passed out on the couch for an hour oops

[27-royal-teas]

sat down three hours ago n pounded out 2k of car crash angst. if it was slight slash but mostly genfic would u read