#this is a lot but im fine now

[butchfalin]

the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again

[ringomess]

tw / trauma dump, self harm, suicidal thoughts

but i suddenly remembered the day i had my first anxiety attack. i was on my way to class and to reach the building you have to go thru a very steep and long street. i think i was late so i was running, and when i arrived to the gate i was obviously exhausted and hyperventilating. but in that moment i wasn’t thinking that it was because i was running and thought that there was something wrong with me, and started to feel my heartbeat really really strong and fast in my chest, and my blood heating thru my body and i thought i was going to die.

i was also really stressed because i was being late to class and while i felt i had no air i was still thinking if i didn’t go to class in that moment, the teacher wouldn’t let me enter to the classroom and i would have to wait until the next period. because i felt so sick i decided i was going to skip the period and waited outside the school, and after that i slowly started to calm down.

still noticing my heartbeat really fast, and now feeling really cold, i pulled out my phone and googled anxiety attacks symptoms (if you didnt notice yet, i was a bit of a hypochondriac at those times), because i’ve had friends that talked to me about it and heard people, but never experienced one. i guessed i was having and anxiety attack but couldn’t confirm it because it was my first, so i called my mother, who was working.

i don’t remember the conversation, i know i told her “i think i’m having an anxiety attack” and that i didn’t know what to do. and she basically told me to go to class. to calm down and go to class. i felt so bad because i felt like i was about to die and my mom didn’t care? she just wanted me to go to class? and now i look back and this is another proof of how neglected i was as a teenager.

i’m very lucky i was able to access cheap therapy and now i’m healed. but my parents neglected my mental health a lot.

when i was 11/12 i was self harming and i told my mom in summer because i was going to a summer camp and i was scared of her finding out because of someone else. i stopped doing it by that time, but she was worried sick about me and i basically swore to never do it again. but did she take me to a professional? no. she took me to our neighbor who is a school counselor and ofc i didn’t want to talk about that with my neighbor, because it was too personal and also shameful. so i just said i was not going to do it ever again and we talked about my problems in school (undiagnosed adhd…). for like 3 or 4 sessions. and i never went again to talk to her.

really? your 12 years old kid is self harming and you don’t even think of taking her to a doctor? she also suspected i had eating problems but i denied it (i did have). and then 4 years later, that same kid is calling you on the phone because she has an anxiety attack and you tell her to calm down and go to class? you are not scared that her mental health is at risk again when she has that historial???

of course going to class was the right thing. i was supported by my friends there and distracted and eventually forgot about the anxiety. but hearing from her more worrisome, maybe ask me if i needed her, or what could she do, would have made me feel a lot better.

and guess what? after that i developed an anxiety disorder and fell into depression. i self harmed again. and did my parents notice? not at all. i was scared of being suicidal again and i knew i was getting really close to it, so i asked my parents to take me to therapy (it took a LOT of courage to do it). guess what??? instead of saying yes, my mom demanded me explanations of why i wanted to go. i told her it was too personal and i didn’t want to discuss it with her. she then said that first she was gonna take me to the doctor and if the doctor said i needed therapy then she would take me. she didn’t trust me! i had to endure my mom not believing i was sick while i was fighting for my life at the same fucking time. eventually the doctor sent me to the psychologist and also nagged my mom for not listening to me, specially because a big part of my depression came from dealing with school as a undiagnosed adhd and i talked about this with my parents a lot and i told the doctor that i was having super bad time in school and he was like “your child’s wellbeing is the priority, not school!”. i’m really grateful for that doctor.

they could have lost me so many times. i was suicidal a lot of times thru my teen years. even today i wonder how did i have the strength to keep going and pick myself up because i had no one that knew i was depressed. i am so lucky that i didn’t completely loose the hope, and i’m so glad today because i’m healed and happy and love living. but it’s not thanks to my parents that i’m alive today. it’s not thanks to no one but myself.

[hinamie]

unconditionally

[daydreamerwonderkid]

I know WFA is too OOC for some people, but I need that shit right now.

I do love seeing the Batfam beating the shit out of each other. I like how messy their relationships are and I have always loved flawed characters.

But idk, man, Batman #138 just really crossed a line for me and I need a reminder that there are other depictions of Bruce that aren't so fucking heinous.

I'll take this shit:

Over this shit:

Any. Fucking. Day.

[datcravat]

I LOVE KAY

[taxinealkaloids]

behold hitherto unposted htn doodles! harrow+her terrible mentor, harrow+her terrible roommate

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

if you struggle with mental health, one piece of advice i would genuinely give you is learn to knit.

or crochet: something repetitive to do with your hands, assuming you're capable of it. if you're like me and learnt to knit as a kid but let it lie fallow for a long time, it may be that starting a large, simple project (for me it was a cloak, but a blanket could work too) gets you back into it. or maybe doing something smaller, idk. i personally found socks really hard for a while because they felt smaller than my cloak but weren't getting Done quick enough for me. as i've sped up i find it more interesting to knit socks.

regardless, a repetitive task is great for emotional regulation (also see: autistic stimming), and something that you can look at and go hey i've done something, unlike simply using a fidget toy, can also help to pick your mood up when the brain is being cruel.

it's also useful as a conversation starter or distracter if you don't know what to talk about. if you're wanting to talk to older people also you're more likely to reel them in with knitting (i work better with older people, and 99% of people who ask what i'm knitting are older than me). it also gives you the opportunity to not make eye contact because you're busy knitting, even if you're still carrying on a conversation. if you're absolutely stuck for conversation you can count your stitches and people might stop bothering you.

if you have trouble focusing without doing something with your hands, you can knit! i knit a lot in church, and it helps me to focus on what's being said.

i probably have more reasons you should pick up knitting, but i can't recall them right now, so yeah.

[bacchuschucklefuck]

pygmalion and galatea for aroace people

you should tell your friends what I look like, riz gukgak.

[cogentranting]

The thing that almost never gets brought up in "banned books" conversations but that I think is essential to address, is the distinction between "students shouldn't be allowed to read this" and "students shouldn't be required to read this".

There is a wide gulf between removing a book from a curriculum list and removing a book from a library but I almost never hear that acknowledged.

[deoidesign]

My comic is so pretty...

The hiatus is letting me take a little extra time on these episodes, and I'm definitely putting it to good use!!!

[tianhai03]

had to do poster making as an exercise and the theme was superheroes, so of course i drew mr. vengeance for it🦇

[hinamie]

congrats on your recovery n all yuuji but unfortunately for you I thought the scars were cool >:/

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

I'm sorry I let down my guard.

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[nevvn]

was feeling down so i drew him to make me feel better

[ind1c0lite]

SO HEED THE STARS, THEIR LIGHT WILL LEAVE US IN THE DARK

[plulp]

IM NOT A DOCTOR BUT I THINK I MIGHT BE ABLE TO HELP