#this is a little light on the actual suffering because I just tend to write Julian as quite...oppositional I guess? idk

[maeselc]

@the-last-dillpickle says 'sloanshir omorashi inquisition au', I write sloanshir omorashi inquisition au. Thank you for this incredible concept!

M-rated, 1,143 words, mind the tags/the fact that the entire fic is about piss ¯\_ (ツ)_/¯

[samkerrworshipper]

Medication - Leah Williamson

fluff, little bit of angst, anxiety attacks, mentions of depression, 3500 words

balled my eyes out to black fridays by tom odell and then this was birthed.

blurb:

your a rookie on the lionesses squad, who suffers from anxiety and when you stop taking your meds after learning you are starting a game in the euros everything goes downhill for you.

i am so sorry for how vague this was lol i’m writing this and publishing at 2:30 in the morning

I’d never liked gamedays. Everything felt different, all the feelings and emotions heightened. The pressure was insurmountable, especially when you are playing for your nation. Especially when you are one of the youngest, one of the least experienced, one of the youngsters. Today, we were playing Norway, my first game as a Lioness where I was a part of the starting line-up. It was a must win game, the stakes were high for us to win these Euro’s, especially considering it was a home euro’s for us. If we wanted to progress to the finals we couldn’t lose, the pressure was on.

I’d understood that as soon as I’d been notified that I was to start the match, understood that everything changed as soon as you were actually on the pitch. Our one point win over Austria had been great, but we were all hungrier for more, hungrier for the points that we needed to get us ahead in the competition. Sarina knew that there was an expectation for us to win, we all knew that.

I’d been feeling it all week, feeling the anxiety thrumming through my veins as we practised and went about our normal routine for the week. Something was different, it was my first year as a senior Lioness and I’d never been named as a starter. That was a big deal, a really big deal. That was all I could think about. What if I fucked it up? What if I messed up and they told me that I wasn’t going to be welcome back. What if Sarina saw me on the pitch and thought that I was worthless, useless, bad. That was all I could think about as we were standing in the tunnel getting ready to walk out. I was sandwiched in between Lucy and Beth. My hands shaking in my pockets and my breath quickening subconsciously. If I wasn’t aware of it then apparently the defender behind me was, because just as we were about to walk out I felt one of her hands fall to my shoulder, pulling me back into her just enough for her to be able to press her mouth to my ear and whisper,

“You’ve got this amore, you’re going to do perfectly fine,” Lucy’s voice was so strong, but so comforting. She was like an older sister to me, and had been since my first day at training camp. She had been the first person to believe in me besides my Arsenal teammates, the first person to really advocate for my future. She was also the first person on the Lionesses team besides Leah to learn about my struggles with anxiety, adhd and depression. She’d been a light in my life, texted me to make sure I was keeping up with my medication, or just to check in.

In the wake of the Euro’s I’d stopped taking my anxiety meds. I took Lorazepam, which worked really well for me, but it also tended to make me really drowsy and fatigued. Things that are not ideal when you are training and playing almost everyday for your country. It had positive effects, I definitely found it a lot easier to train and play my hardest, but there were a lot of negatives. Like how I was feeling right now. Like my heart was going to beat out of my chest, my hands getting clammy with sweat and shaking non stop like I’d just shot up on steroids. The sound of the crowd at Brighton didn’t help either as we walked out onto the pitch. I struggled to get through the national anthem and the pre game pleasantries, my chest and body hurting from the anxiety that was building up inside of my body.

I was grateful but also not to step out on the pitch properly. It felt like I was on a different planet, my senses overly heightened and my brain short circuiting almost everything.

I could feel Leah’s gaze on me as we all lined up to start the game, she worried about me, a lot. I was also her Arsenal teammate and she’d taken me under her wing beyond football, we’d become very close in our time spent together. I ignored her sidewards glances though, tasking myself with showing our nation that I deserved to be where I was and some jitters weren’t going to affect that.

My first half was rocky, normally with the mixture of adrenaline and endorphins my anxiety subsided when I started playing but this time I must have been too far gone, too much pent up anxiety built up for it to just fade away. It reflected in how I was playing, but our forwards had been flawless, slotting in six goals which put us in a lead that was pretty much untouchable. Clambering into the rooms at halftime was a charade. Everyone besides myself seemed ecstatic and hyped about our lead, I was on the inside but I was also wrapped up in my own bubble. I took a seat on the floor of the change rooms, taking in Serena’s speech about keeping our heads and just continuing what we were doing. I allowed Lucy to pass me a drink bottle, obliging her request for me to hydrate myself. She could tell something was up, she’d been hovering around me on the pitch, covering me. When one of the Norwegian girls had taken my feet out from under me she had immediately been at my side, pulling me up and then yelling at the umpire about how it had clearly been a foul if not a yellow. Leah had to pull her away just to ensure Lucy wouldn’t get carded herself, all whilst I stood there absolutely helpless as result of the amount of effort I was having to put into not collapsing from the amount of pain in my chest.

Leah kept it pretty brief after Serena, sticking to what she’d said and putting an emphasis on a few things before we headed back out. She managed to snag a grip on my jersey though as I trailed with the girls at the back of the group.

“Are you okay?” There was a little bit of captain in it, but it was mostly gentle, her voice a little bit rugged from the amount of yelling she’d done on the field.

“I’m fine.” Her facial expression was enough to tell me she didn’t believe a word I was saying.

“I’m telling Serena to sub you off, you clearly don’t look well enough to be playing.”

“I told you I feel fine Cap, I can play out the rest of the 90, please let me play it out.”

Leah looked conflicted, conflicted with what to do and how to react to my plea. I wasn’t one who begged very often, I didn’t see the point in it.

“Fine but y/n, as soon as anything happens out there, you put yourself in danger or someone else in danger you are going off, understood?”

I didn’t have any other option but to nod at Leah.

“Yes, captain.”

My voice had held some sarcasm as I tore her hand from the bottom of my jersey and started jogging back up the tunnel to catch up with girls that I’d previously been chatting to.

The last ten minutes of the second half was when bad transitioned to really not good. My body began to catch up with my over exertion and every second on the field became a battle. It was a blessing that the ball wasn’t really travelling down my end, Less and Toony had both been substituted in and were having a field day in our forward half kicking it back and forth to run the clock down. The Norwegian girls were giving it their best but you could tell they knew it was over. As the minutes passed though and we went into extra time I could feel my body really starting to get heavier, you could blame it on the lack of hydration and the english heat that we were playing in but I knew it was my body betraying me. I’d been denying my body for too long and it was catching up with me. I didn’t even know how many minutes of extra time we had, my vision was slowly blurring, my steps becoming wobbly and the pain in my chest becoming overbearing.

I could hear my opponent, I think it was Maren, or was it Guro? Asking me if I felt alright. I didn’t really comprehend it though, I couldn’t hear anything properly, it felt like I was underwater, my ears ringing out and my vision blacking over as I fell face first into the turf. Maren managed to catch me before I fully face planted into the grass, helping my limp form down to the ground before starting to yell out for help. It was then of course that the whistles blew and the match ended. I could make out the sounds of the crowd going nuts, maybe even my teammates on the sidelines yelling in triumph. I couldn’t open my eyes though and I definitely couldn’t make out the voice of Maren on the ground beside me trying to ask me questions and attract the attention of a medic. It was all mellowed out as my body succumbed to a coma like state that I’d forced myself into.

Leah and Lucy were the first two from my own team to locate me, passed out on the ground with Maren trying to provide as much privacy for me as possible whilst also pressing her hand to my throat to make sure that there wasn’t anything seriously wrong. It was Maren, Guro had been subbed off at the 84’ minute mark. I remembered that because I’d silently been wishing at the time that Serena would do the same, but she’d made her final changes and taking me off apparently hadn't been one of them.

“Y/n, can you open your eyes for me? Or squeeze my hand?”

I could feel Leah’s own hand fall into mine and I squeezed it as best as I could, it was enough for me to tell her that I was conscious enough to make out what she was saying to me.

“Good y/n/n, the medics are about to be here, can you try and open your eyes and talk for me?”

I tried my hardest to crack my eyes open, when I did finally muster up the will to open one of them I was met with the brightness of the stadium lights. I groaned almost immediately, being forced to take in my surroundings. I was surrounded by our trainers, who were draping different towels over my body in an attempt to cool me down and cover me. My cleats had been removed from my feet and someone was soaking my socks in cold water, something that I was not pleased to be awakened by.

“Good sweetheart, stay focused on me yeah, eyes on me.”

My eyes snapped back up to Leah, who was crouched above my head, Serena and Lucy’s heads were beside her own, staring down at me.

“The medics are going to come look at you and you are going to let them, okay?”

I almost immediately shook my head at Leah but she kept her jaw clenched and her stern face up.

“I’m not asking y/n, you just passed out on the field, you need to be assessed.”

I shook my head again and Leah rolled her eyes at me.

“An-n-xiety.”

I could hardly make out my own words in the stadium full of noise and the words themselves made me realise how much I was struggling to regulate my own breaths.

Leah nodded knowingly, suddenly everything seemed to come into perspective for her.

“You stopped taking your medication, didn’t you?”

I gulped and nodded at her, trying to block out all of the distractions that were happening around me. She looked annoyed at me, I cowered a little bit with the glare that she was giving me. After the last time I went on a sabbatical from my medication I swore to Leah I would never do it again.

As the medics crouched down next to me I shut my eyes again, it all becoming too much for my head. I let the medics fuss over me, I blacked out somewhere in between them putting me on a stretcher and getting me off the pitch.

I reawakened with sweat dripping down my body, all of the oxygen depleting from my body and my chest aching like it never had before. I choked a little bit as I sat up from my spot, gasping for air to enter my lungs. It took me a few seconds to recognise where I was, sitting inside the makeshift medical room at Brighton. My head was pounding and my whole body was aching.

“Y/n, look at me, you're having an anxiety attack, deep breaths.”

“Wh-what.” The words came out in a gasp as I struggled to take in any air, looking at Leah for guidance.

“We’re at Brighton, we just played Norway, you had an anxiety episode on the pitch. You’re having an attack right now, I need you to take deep breaths, follow me, in and out.”

I watched Leah as she exaggerated some deep breaths, if it hadn't been for the circumstance I probably would have laughed at her.

As I slowly started to take in more air she tried a different tactic.

“Good y/n/n, your doing so well my good girl. Can you tell me five things you can see?”

It was deflection, something that Leah had picked up on from her therapist.

“Serena, you, the light, Lucy and a drink bottle.”

Leah nodded at me encouragingly, rubbing slowly up my back as she continued.

“Good, you’re doing so well, how about four things you can feel?”

“Your breath, the scratchy blanket, my wet socks and I don’t know.”

My words were still choken as I used up whatever oxygen I was taking in to get the words out.

“That’s okay, that’s good, you are doing so well for me angel, how about three things you can hear?”

I tried to focus fully on Leah, on her words, her rubbing my back, her breath against my neck.

“Serena tapping her shoe, the heart monitor and the music from the changeroom.”

It was faint but if you focused in enough you could just hear the sound of my teammates in the change rooms, getting up to god knows that with the absence of their captain and manager.

“Perfect, you are doing absolutely perfectly. How about two things you can smell?”

“Antiseptic and your perfume.”

“Good, last one, one thing you can taste.”

I could feel my breath and body evening itself out, it felt like I was a piece of linen that was slowly but surely being ironed out, all of the crinkles and creases leaving my body.

“I don’t know.”

“Last one y/n, I know you can do it.”

“Metal, the iron taste from blood.”

Leah nodded at me, plastering a kiss on my forehead. Her words and actions being enough to bring me back down to earth fully. I very slowly took in my surroundings properly, Serena, Lucy and Keira were all sitting at the end of my bed, watching as Leah did her thing. I was hooked up to a few different things, cords and wires poking out of my extremities. A saline drip, heart monitor and another machine that I wasn’t sure the purpose of.

“Hey my girl, you back here with us now?”

I pushed my head into Leah’s chest, trying to hide from the world that I was now a participating member of.

“No hiding, not here,”

I groaned as Leah pushed me out of her chest, annoyed by the loss of contact and the confrontation of having to be put in front of some of the people I respected most.

“You gave us a fright back there, I think you came close to killing Maren.”

I gulped nervously, hanging onto every word that left Serena’s mouth, just bobbing my head in agreement because what else was I supposed to do.

“M’ sorry, didn’t mean to, just wanted to prove that I deserved to be here.”

Serena’s face held a kind of understanding, like she’d seen girls before me who had been the same, willing to die to prove their worth to the dutchwoman who we all regarded so highly.

“You wouldn’t be here in the first place if you didn’t deserve to be. It’s one thing to push yourself but to the point where you black out on the field is another thing. If it ever happens again y/n y/l/n then I can swear to you now that you will be benched, am I understood.” I nodded meekly at Serena,

“Yes ma’am.”

She nodded at me, she’d gotten her point across.

“Leah tells me this happened as a result of you not taking your medication?”

I pushed my head back into Leah’s chest, grunting at her when she pushed me out of it. I couldn’t do much else but nod at Serena.

“I get side effects ma’am, it makes me drowsy and sleepy, I didn’t want it to affect my game.”

Serena was very quick to fire back at me,

“You take medication to ensure that you feel well, there is no shame in that. If you are having a problem with side effects then you are to bring it up with one of our doctors, not boycott your medication entirely. From now on I am going to be responsible for your medication, you will come to me everyday to take it so I can ensure that you are receiving the correct doses so something like this does not occur again, is that understood?”

I gulped and nodded at Serena. She smiled at me knowingly in return.

“You are an elite athlete y/n, it is imperative that you care for your body. Or something like this happens, something with such magnitude that it can’t be overlooked. Your health and wellbeing comes first, always.”

I nodded at Serena once again, allowing her to give me a hug before leaving the room to give us some privacy. As soon as the door closed behind her I shed a few tears, I hated confrontation, it was one of my biggest fears.

“She’s right y’know, this could have been a lot worse, what if you’d put yourself in a really dangerous position because you were in a bad headspace and ended up seriously injured, you can’t just stop taking your medication randomly y/n, it’s not safe.”

Leah’s voice was murmured against my forehead, her lips staying plastered to the oily and cold skin.

“No one else on the team relies on medication to function, I thought I would be fine, I feel so stupid always being the one having to rely on shit to get through the day.”

I could feel Leah rolling her eyes from above me.

“No one else on the team struggles with intense anxiety and depression like you do, we are all different, we all function differently. There is no shame in needing medication y/n/n, Lucy uses an asthma puffer, does that make her stupid?”

I looked over at Lucy, it was different.

“No but it’s different.”

“How?”

Leah’s answer was fired back at me and I struggled slightly to recover from her sudden reply,

“Lucy has a physical problem, mine’s just in my head.”

“What you went through today seemed pretty physical to me.”

I was stumped by that answer, looking across at Kiera and Lucy who nodded along with what Leah was saying.

“You struggle with your mental health, there is no shame in that. You rely on medication. So what? Good for you for listening to your body and acknowledging that you need that to help you make it through the day. Y/n, there is absolutely nothing wrong with using medication to help you. If I felt sick, with the flu, and I needed antibiotics or whatever, would you think that I was weak for using them?”

I shook my head at Leah almost immediately, the question was a no brainer for me,

“Exactly, because I’d be taking the medication needed to keep me well and functioning. All you are doing is the same thing y/n, keeping yourself alive and well.”

[jester089]

I’d love some readerxTADC charachter sickfics :)?

Bed ridden

I am back at writing again. At least for now. Requests are still closed until I finish all or at least most of the ones I got while I was gone.

Also you didn't specify if you wanted like fluff. So I just went with what first came to mind. Sick TADC Crew x Sick Reader (Both variants)

Caine (Receiving)

Caine getting sick is rare at best. When he does the whole circus suffers. Even just a cough is awful, every time he coughs the entire area around him stutters and glitches misplacing everything. Because of this whenever he's sick he tends to self isolate not wanting to cause trouble for the others. Now depending on how comfortable he is with you, you'll have varying accessibility. If he's really comfortable you essentially have easy access to any and everything in the circus. This includes his room and office. Sadly their isn't much you can do to help him get better faster, but he really appreciates just having you there. If you really want to help, keep the circus from burning down during his short absence. And give him some handmade soup, the sentimentality and love in it helps him feel better. At least mentally, which speeds up his physical recovery. Do be warned when giving him the soup don't get to close to him. If their is something strong enough to get Caine sick it will most likely kill you.

Caine (Giving)

He as has been mentioned doesn't really understand humans, and by extension their physical ailments. That is why all his adventures are so rough on everyone. Despite that sickness is one of the few things he does understand, only really because their is a digital version of it. Just explain to him that you have a virus (even if it's not) and he'll get the gist. Best at comfort, can and will get you everything you want while your sick. And he doesn't get sick easily so you will get the same amount of attention and affection as before with minimal repercussions at worst. Caine is always loud, and isn't exactly gentle with anyone or thing, so make sure to tell him the things you need to get better. Like quiet, dark, a specific type of food that usually helps. Ask and it's yours, but you have to ask. Or he wont know. Don't ask him to cook for you though, cause I promise you it will either come out burned or so badly seasoned that it isn't even edible. And your recovering body needs meals to get better faster or at all. When you are sick Caine can get a little protective. Usually he trust you and lets you do what you want, you're an adult after all. But when your sick you seem so fragile to him. So no leaving your room, 3 meals if not more a day, more water then your body actually needs, and if he catches you out of bed when you aren't going to the bathroom he can and will force you back. He's a little much and little forceful, but you'll get better faster when he's around. And he'll do his best, he just needs some guidance.

Gangle (Receiving)

A sick Gangle is a sad Gangle. She's pretty pushover-ish usually. But when she's sick she just takes abuse because she already feels awful. So until she's feeling better be prepared to be a live-in maid and a body guard. Sick Gangle is a lot like a wet noodle. Just her mask alone has enough weight to make her fall over when sick so try and keep her in her room and in her bed, for her sake. Do be warned that the chance of Gangle getting you sick is literally 100%. Cuddles make her feel a whole lot better, so she constantly wines at you wanting you to lay with her. And she can and will crawl out of her bed and after you if you deny her to many times. We both know you aren't gonna say no to pathetic sick wet noodle Gangle. She'll wrap around you in a hold so light you can't even feel it and just fall asleep on you. That's how her being sick usually goes. And when you eventually but inevitably get sick she'll take care of you just as you did her.

Gangle (Giving)

I don't even have to say it, but I will. Gangle got you sick. End of story. And she's still recovering from her sickness. So you being sick usually just ends up with you two being bed ridden. But on the bright side it's literal 24/7 cuddles. I mean I doubt she'll let you so much as roll over without her. She's clingy, but you know you love her. And she loves you. Now if you're sick and she isn't she'll do her best to take care of you. She doesn't know how to cook or anything. But she'll make sure you always have water and your bed is clean-ish. And she'll stay with you. If you're sick and stuck in bed then she's stuck in the room you are. Basically if one of you gets sick, both of you get sick. Just a common cold can turn into something so much worse with Gangle. She doesn't try to she just doesn't like being away from you too long, especially when your weak like this. It's gross and not pleasant to live sure. But hey, both of your immune systems get really really strong every time one of you gets sick. And if sharing goopy nasty sick times together isn't love I don't know what is.

Zooble (Receiving)

Zooble strikes me as the kind of person who knows a concerning amount about just about every sickness in existence. Sadly all that knowledge doesn't help her much here. This is a digital sickness, it doesn't exist in the real world. Despite that she can most definitely feel her way through it using what she does know. All you have to do is listen to her, and if it's really bad interpret what her half mumbled ramblings mean. With her help, and your love and care she'll be feeling better in no time. Zooble is short fused and irritable at the best of times. She tries to hold off with you cause she really does care about you. But when her body is what feels like 300* and her brain is fuzzy she can't control what comes out of her mouth. So if she says so hurtful things just try not to hold it against her and talk with her about it when she's feeling better. And I guarantee she didn't mean it. She just feels like she's about to melt. Have you ever been sick while made out of digital plastic? I didn't think so. So try and cut her some slack.

Zooble (Giving)

As aforementioned I feel like Zooble knows a lot about sicknesses. And again that doesn't help much here. But it gives her a really good base to work with. Honestly though being sick with her feels a lot like boot camp. She doesn't let you get up unless you need the bathroom, pills can and will be taken on time, gross but incredibly healthy foods and drinks will be given and she expects you plate to be clean, an overwhelming amount of heat that puts your body through hell, and she doesn't get within 6 feet of you unless it's dropping something off for you in which case she's only close for a moment. It'll be awful, trust me it will. But you will get better so unreasonably quick. With her there you could get over something like the flu in a day, maybe two. And once you are feeling better she softens up a lot. Once you are no longer sick (be her standards) she will be really soft with you. Gentle hand holding and hugs. Sleepy cuddles. Tasty but unhealthy food. Movie nights. And her going out of her way to be verbally nice. She knows that you were already suffering, and she made it worse even if she was helping. So she's going to treat you for a while. Give it like a week and she'll be back to normal. Unless you basically beg her in which it'll last a little longer. Only a little. She can't let her reputation and a cold person be tarnished. And giving someone a gentle forehead kiss in public really tarnishes that.

Kinger (Receiving)

When Kinger is sick all he really wants is to sleep. No matter where he is he'll be out. It is your job my dear Reader to get him to the safety of one of your rooms. Cause out in the open he is an easy target for Jax. Once he is safe and sound in one of your rooms he feels more cozy and will probably wake up. His hands float so you two can still hold hands and do basic affection without risk of you getting sick. Kinger wont never get you sick, I promise you that. He will literally shove you away from him. He has already lost a lot in this place and he isn't going to risking you. So keep some distance while caring for him. For his sake cause it stresses him out a lot when you get to close. Also keep a washcloth on hand, he strikes me as the kind of person who when sick wants a hot body but a cold forehead. Once he's feeling better he will probably ask you to join him in resting, total rainy day vibes despite it never raining in the circus. Just a relaxing, cold, and dark room to chill in. He can and will start crying when you fall asleep with him then and there. You stayed with him this whole time. He's just so happy to have you around and with him.

Kinger (Giving)

Kinger is amazing at comfort, but doesn't really know what he's doing with sicknesses. He's been in the digital circus so long he's actually forgoten how to be a human. He'll do the basics like water and soup but past that he's lost. So he does what he knows and remembers, plus whatever you tell him you need/want. He makes wherever your staying so cozy. If he can't put your body at peace he can at least put your mind at peace. Coldish and dark room, one of his hands linked with yours another rubbing gentle circles into your back. If he sees you having a bad dream he'll gently kiss your forehead or place something cold on it to help. If you ever seem to be in pain he'll just talk, about nothing really. He'll talk so you have something to focus on besides the pain. Spouting random facts about a cool bug he saw that reminded him of you, about Jax's latest "prank", about how much he loves you. And if you really want him to he will join you in bed. He knows he's probably going to get sick because of it. But he just wants you to feel comfortable. He isn't forceful in the least too. If you tell him you need something or that something usually helps he'll trust you. Just for his sake don't do to much cause it will worry him. 10/10. Has no idea what he's doing but he cares so much and it shows.

Ragatha (Receiving)

Ragatha doesn't get sick often. She used to when she first got here. But always putting herself in danger or risk to help others has made her tough in many ways. When she does get sick it's going to hit her hard. All she wants from you is to know you're there, and that you still love her despite this. She wont let you get to close, she's infected and she doesn't want you to be. The best you can do for her is keep distance and keep reassuring her you love her. Just like Caine I don't recommend getting to close because things that can get her sick are a really strong. And for f#$% sake keep Jax away from her. She's a tough one though and will try to get out of bed way to early. It is up to you to keep her in bed and care for her. She can be really stubborn, and this is a case where that is awful to deal with. Just give her love, but from a distance. That's all she wants, all she needs and she'll get better quick. And when she is better she will thank you so many times for taking care of her. Secret between friends this is the ideal time to fluster her. Just a quick kiss on her hand or in between the eyes and she'll turn beet red.

Ragatha (Giving)

She goes full mom when you're sick. Don't get me wrong she's usually the mom friend. But when your sick she is just mom. She'll tuck you in, fluff your pillow, get you water but put some flavoring in it so it goes down easier, exclusively speak to you in a soft voice, brushing a hand or hands through your hair, will full on punch someone if they try something while your sick. You know, typical mom stuff. Ok but actually beware her punches. They hit like a truck. Just like Caine she gets a little, protective. And she babies you. It can be annoying. But it does also help, makes you feel safe and cared for. She's sit by your bed reading you something and fall asleep still in the chair. Her poor back... Do ragdolls have backpain? Can and will keep you in bed a day or two extra just to be sure. She isn't taking any chances. Also she kind of enjoys being able to take care of you like this. Overall pretty good. She helps and makes it a bit easier to get through, but also makes you feel like a child.

Jax (Receiving)

The little s&#$ would without a doubt use you being sick and weak to "prank" you. He took you outside to "Get some fresh air" as he called it then shoved you into the digital lake and walked off not caring if your drowned. When you come back soggy and now inside feeling even worse he'll laugh at you. He's a real d%#$head and you not being able to defend yourself makes it so much more fun for him. I mean why do you think he mainly picks on Gangle. Eventually though he will soften up, a little. He still isn't going to do anything fancy but he'll give you some water and snacks and make sure no one bothers you. Once you start feeling better I can see it going two ways. 1. Softer Jax: Helps you get better and apologizes for the whole lake thing. He'll be a bit nicer for a few days to try and make up for it. He does genuinely feel bad. He's trying to be nicer to you cause he loves you. 2. More cannon Jax: You don't get better for much longer. He put something in the food and water so you don't truly get better. You just start to feel slightly better so you get hopeful before you feel 100x worse. And to make things better he can and will laugh at pathetic sick you.

Jax (Giving)

As you all know I don't think he deserves someone to take care of him while sick. Despite this actual me would probably still take care of him. I'm to caring for my own good. When Jax gets sick he hides it and tries to ignore it, going through his days like normal. Which of course leads even the most basic sicknesses to be awful on him. He'll full on try and fight you when you try and help him. It's going to be hard but try and get him some sleep, and water. It will be really rough. But it is possible. The hardest part by far is getting him in bed, past that it's pretty easy. He fights it till he realizes how comfy his bed is, and how tired he is. After that it's just like taking care of anyone else, besides all the rude comments flung at you. Once he's up and making people's days worse again he wont thank you. And he doesn't now and never will say it. But he does appretiate what you do for him. "I'll take it easy on em..... For a week.... That's definitely too much, they get a day."

Pomni (Receiving)

When Pomni is sick she just collapses, usually on you. The clearest sign that she's feeling awful sickness or not is when she wanders around looking for you. When she finds you she kind of just flops onto you not saying anything. She much like Gangle wants you close while she's sick but wont outright say it. She's more of a rolls out of bed falling onto the floor with a loud thump making you think she broke something. Then when you pick her up worried she just snuggles into you acting like she didn't just fall out of bed face first... She still gets flustered and all being so close to you but when she's sick it doesn't really register. She just likes being near you, and will definitely fall asleep on you. She has so many worries and it always on the verge of another breakdown, but when she's sick she can't think even if she wanted to. All that matters is here and now. And here and now you two are cuddling. So she's happy.

Pomni (Giving)

Oh no. She is going to panic. Bad. "Sicknesses are common in the real world. But what about here! Are you dying?! ARE YOU ABSTRACTING?!" She doesn't know what is truly going on, what's going to happen, or how to help. So just do your best to calm her down and explain it's like a normal sickness, just digital. Once she understands that she calms down, a little. She's still stressed but isn't full on freaking out anymore. And she will start actually helping. She isn't super educated on this subject but she knows basic stuff. With Pomni is when it will feel the most like normal, like real life. Just taking it slow, letting your body do what it needs. Her checking in every now and again to see how your doing. It's nice in a way. Once you start feeling better she's going to start visiting/checking in more. It was hard for her being in a room with you when you can't even make conversation, made her anxiety flare up. But once you can talk regularly or at least close to it again things will return to just about how they were before. She will be ever so slightly more clingy for a few days afterwards though. You're such an anchor for her in this place and she got so used to you. But they you couldn't help her and she had to help you. Made her realize just how much you mean to her, how much you do for her.

(First request back. Hope you enjoyed it. I'm so tired. But I'll try and do another before I go to bed. And for future reference please try to trim out a character or two cause writing all that is a lot. Or at least specify if you want Reader the one sick or the character. Thank you!)

xoxo, Jester

[zileans-big-cl0ck]

Hi! hope you are having a nice day :D

Can you please do Jhin x gn! reader headcanons! SFW and NSFW if you want. Please i´m lacking Jhin content :,)

Thank you! Take care <3

✦–Random Jhin headcanons.✦ (SFW & NSFW)

✦I will definitely not let the League fandom suffer from the lack of Jhin content!

✧ prompt: ✧ totally random headcanons that just appeared to be in my head, because I tend to think about League of Legends hot champions TOO MUCH.

✧ champions: ✧ Jhin, the Virtuoso.

✧ reader: ✧ gender neutral.

✧ author’s note: ✧ As I stated, I will definitely NOT let the League fandom suffer from the lack of Jhin content, even if this means I have to actually WRITE something AND share this. I’m a 300k+ Maestry Jhin main by the way, from the times I actually used to main adc. A very painful backstory, as you see. (As always, please ignore any mistakes. Let’s say I’m tired.)

masterlist

✦SFW:

First of all, you are Jhin’s muse. You are his everything. His inspiration, his devotion, his deepest desire.

That’s the first reason why must you be protected at all costs, kept safely in his mansion. The word ’jealous’ is not worthy of his exquisite person, therefore he prefers being claimed as protective - he is obsessed with you.

It is somewhat between the thrill of keeping his precious muse close to himself (always skulking, always taking care of them) and the repugnant fear of losing them.

You are aware of his perfectionism, but it does not mean that you always have to be on the alert, be the best of yourself, always present your virtues - for Jhin, you are the definition of perfection, you embody the word of ideal creation. He claims you as the noblest person in the world, despite your free opinion on yourself that can sometimes let you down.

Jhin would never let you think of yourself as unworthy of his love, unworthy of life, unworthy of your body (if you ever even caught a glimpse of that feelings).

He cherishes it, your body, and wants you to see yourself in the same light as he does.

Because Jhin is well aware of the fact, that he is the only one who can gaze at you admiringly and see the whole concept of your person, most true and undisputed. He would never be mistaken if it comest to you, to your goregous person, the one he worships and adores.

So Jhin is a romantic lover. He sees no world beside you, no colors and no inspiration. It wasn’t a long time after he realized that his surrounding becomes dull and monochromatic whenever he finds himself missing you.

✦NSFW:

Body worshipping is not like a thing he enjoys, as an artist, a virtuoso, a connoisseur - he thinks it is crutial, obvious. He treats your bodies like an artwork, a composition of two perfectly fitting sculptures.

I would call him a soft dom, though sex itself is a way to express himself for Jhin. In the end, trivial human desires are nothing in the face of performance.

The moment with him is always intimate; I think he would be against any kind of public sex, taking the risk of being caught as aggravating.

But he enjoys gun play. Whisper is a fundamental part of his life, though it is only a weapon- no, not even a weapon. A tool destined to paint his canvas. It has to touch you and you must shiver from the cold feeling of metal against your skin.

I don’t think Jhin is a rough type either. Eventually, he is a sensual lover, placing a great impact in foreplay and the scene around you, so it can be perfect and remain undisturbed.

He appreciates you being needy, though. Jhin finds it amusing to see you squirming for him, maybe even begging. You can always take advantage of his soft spot for you and those little sounds you make.

He is very talkative during sex. Moreover, it is not only teasing, but also reassuring words and sweet promises.

And he is a man of word. You can await him fulffiling every of these dark whispers, sooner or later.

[angelthefandomobsessed]

Danganronpa Project Eden's Garden: Animal Symbolism

Okay, so I just finished the prologue (adored it, the writing is impeccable), and noticed that each character features an animal on their clothing. I'm sure tons of people have pointed it out already, but I thought it'd be fun to go through the symbolism of each, alongside any other observations I had.

Damon Maitsu:

Damon's signature animal is one of the more obvious ones - it's the big snake on his tie. Biblically, snakes are kind of a big deal... Just one snake, really, which gave all of the others a bad name. In 'Garden of Eden' arc of the Bible (which is relevant for obvious reasons), a snake tempts Eve to eat the forbidden fruit. The snake basically says "Hey queen, the apple won't kill you, it'll show you the truth, God's a liar." Adam and Eve eat the fruit, condemning humanity to eternal suffering.

Painting Damon as the snake tells us a lot about his role in the narrative and his characterisation. The main theme for Eden's Garden seems to be 'head vs heart', or 'logic vs emotion'. While some characters lean towards emotion, Damon leans towards logic... But based on the Pathos system, he doesn't fully condemn emotion - it can be a good tool when it comes to winning arguments, after all.

At the end of the prologue, Damon disagrees with seeing the good in everyone. He argues that the ultimates are more likely to stab each other in the back than to help each other unconditionally... In other words, he argues that ultimates are ambitious, to the point of throwing away their morals - because he himself is ambitious to a fault.

While a lot of people see snakes as creatures of evil (particularly when it comes to THE snake in the Bible), it could be argued that the snake is an agent of the greater good. Yes, the snake was the catalyst for the fall of humanity, but you could argue it was also the catalyst for the first critical thought. Adam and Eve questioned the word of their creator and chose to go against him. That didn't end very well for them, but you could argue it liberated them.

Would you rather be a sheep, at the mercy of your shepherd, or a snake that sees the world for what it truly is?

Wolfgang Akire:

Speaking of sheep... Wolfgang has a pretty neat (very symbolic) sheep pin. The idea of him picking out a sheep pin in like... a Claire's Accessories is very funny to me.

Much like snakes, sheep are also very Biblically relevant. In the Bible, God's people are usually cloaked in sheep imagery. God is the shepherd (fun fact: 'shepherd' derives from 'sheep' 'herd'), and the sheep are at his mercy. In that light, a sheep is a truly powerless thing.

Perhaps Wolfgang's sheep pin denotes him as a follower rather than a leader. Not to a specific person, but rather to an ideology - to his own morals, which he seems very attached to. Sheep are often seen as weak, existing only to be devoured by stronger, more predatory animals.

But this symbolism might exist here to be subverted. One of the most popular sheep-based phrases is (drum roll please): "Wolf in sheep's clothing".

Lawyer man is, quite literally, a wolf in sheep's clothing. His name has the word 'wolf' in it. He has a sheep on his clothing.

Does Wolfgang obsess over justice due to a guilty conscious? Is it a cover to mask his deepest, most despicable thoughts? Only time will tell, but I'm onto you, lawyer man... If that's even your real name.

Eva Tsunaka:

Okay, so I'm not 100% sure if Eva's animal is a raven or a crow, but I don't think it matters too much, people tend to perceive 'ominous medium-sized black bird' in a similar way, regardless of the specifics. Eva has a black feather in her hair and a badge with a bird's head on it. The badge looks a little bit emu-ish (which would be really funny), but the general vibe is more in line with a crow/raven.

For simplicity's sake, I'll mostly talk about ravens, because I think (don't quote me on this, I have not read the actual Bible) crows are never actually mentioned... but ravens are, so we'll go with that.

SO, ravens, black birds. Apparently, the first bird to be mentioned by name in the Bible is the raven, which... lines up with Eva being the first named bird character we meet (there are a lot of bird people, we'll get to it). During the whole Noah's Arc debacle, Noah sent out a raven to scout for dry land - it didn't come back (I think? It gets mentioned, 'tos and fros' and then doesn't get mentioned again, so I think it dipped which honestly, girlboss move).

Other than that, a raven was used as a divine messenger at one point, but I think the much more interesting (and relevant) aspects of the raven is the general symbolism.

Ravens are usually seen as bad news - much like the snake, they get a bad rep. While they are often seen as bad omens, they can also be seen as beings of spiritual wisdom. They see more than others can, much like Eva. When the others start to do the whole 'We'll never kill each other!' it's Eva who disagrees, seeing the reality of the situation.

Based on the word 'Danganronpa' being associated with the game, we can assume she's correct, and that the bodies will start hitting the floor very soon.

Eva is wise and holds a lot of knowledge, but she is distrusted for reasons outwith her control. She didn't ask to be the ultimate liar - some random organisation sent her a letter one day putting that label on her.

Interestingly, ravens are the natural enemies of farmers... and Wolfgang has a distinct agricultural reference on his lapel.

To summarise: people don't like ravens, but they're very smart birds who can (in certain mythologies/cultures, at least), see beyond the surface level).

Toshiko Kayura:

Toshiko's assigned animal is a little harder to spot. Two flamingos are on her skirt as a decal, making them less obvious (especially during waist-up shots).

Okay, so I'm no expert on this, but I'm pretty sure there aren't any flamingos in the Bible. Flamingos played a part in Egyptian beliefs, being associated with Ra, and they might actually be the original inspiration for phoenixes which... is kind of hilarious? The Aztecs saw them as sacred, and in Hindu culture they symbolise hamsa, a divine vehicle, which symbolises the realise from samsara, aka the cycle of suffering.

So... that could be a thing relating to Toshiko. She could be destined to act as a turning point in the narrative (either through death or through character development, same difference).

Or, we could go with the really obvious interpretation of 'flamingo = romance'. Which is very on-brand. Additionally, flamingos represent balance and elegance - mainly because of their 'standing on one leg' trick. Toshiko most likely strives to embody the qualities of a flamingo in these regards.

The use of flamingos in Toshiko's design might point to her being 'the heart' of the group. She's shown to be quite emotional (becoming flustered when challenged, avoiding the investigation, getting into an argument over gremlin-hood with Grace), despite trying to emulate a mature aura. She speaks in frivolous, convoluted imagery, which is peak fourteen-year-old behaviour, and if anything bad happens to her I will cry :D

Ulysses Wilhelm:

Rather than having a picture of an animal, Ulysses wears an owl pendant. Owls represent wisdom, and are particularly fitting for Ulysses due to him being more of a night owl.

Biblically, owls are seen as unclean birds, alongside ravens. They aren't overly relevant, but are (allegedly, according to some random Bible forum) used to symbolise loneliness, desolation, guilt and mourning. In a broader sense, owls are seen as wise, critical-thinking creatures, and independent.

Because of this, I think Ulysses will fall into the Damon/Eva camp of thinking, due to his historical knowledge. Because if history's taught us anything, it's that people can't be trusted, they will self-sabotage, and murder is inevitable.

I don't have much else to say - Ulysses feels like an early victim/blackened candidate, unfortunately, so I don't think he'll be playing a major role narratively.

Desmond Hall:

This one's a little hard to spot immediately (and when I did spot it, I wasn't sure which animal it belonged to), but according to the concept art Desmond has a shark tooth earring.

There are no sharks in the Bible. Sharks, apparently, symbolise protection and guidance, so I think Desmond will probably pair up with another character... which will lead to an untimely death, with a very sad flashback scene at the end of a trial. Or he'll survive, who says Biblical relevancy matters? Sharks are pretty cool and so is Desmond.

I think he'll be an optimist in the situation, but I... don't have much to say regarding his animal motif.

Grace Madison:

This one is pretty up there for the 'easiest to spot award'. Grace's animal is a rabbit, which can be seen by her (adorable) rabbit-eared visor.

Biblically rabbits are pretty irrelevant, but symbolically they're very prominent. Rabbits are probably most famous for their easter connotations (you'd think they'd be Biblical, but no, it just says not to eat them). Rabbits are also known as lucky animals - 'rabbit feet' are seen as lucky talismans...

If Grace ends up with a severed foot, I'm going to lose my mind.

Anyway, since Grace is the resident 'reckless and crude' character, I would theorise her link to rabbits would be 'rebirth'. Rabbits are associated with spring, which is associated with rebirth. I think Grace (who is described as someone who burns every bridge she makes) will undergo the Fuyuhiko treatment and see a lot of character development.

Not much else for me to say here, but rabbits are generally seen as active animals (energiser bunny, the Scorbunny line), so... yay sports..?

Diana Venicia:

I do not trust this girl as far as I can throw her. I saw her across the room and thought, "No, you're evil", and the chameleon bracelet did not help her case.

Like... not only does it suggest she's hiding something, or that she's a social chameleon, but it looks like a handcuff, that cannot be comfortable. And oddly enough, chameleons do feature in the Bible... and it's very odd, and very interesting.

Basically, chameleons conform to their surroundings through their unique abilities. God likes that for them, but not for humans - apparently, they should challenge things rather than just conforming to them. Which like, okay, someone changed their tune from "Don't do this one thing, no I will not elaborate". In actuality, what this means is "you should not be different on Monday to how you were on Sunday", aka, be #authentic.

Also, chameleons are seen as 'not standing up for what's right', so I guess that's where Diana falls on the morality spectrum, maybe possibly?

Diana is hiding something, she's on my mastermind radar but it feels a little too obvious? If she's not a mastermind, she hiding something and is a killer, nothing can redeem her from being shady in my eyes. I'm onto you, make-up girl...

(My guess is the beauty industry/Hollywood requires a degree of fakery, and she hates it, but she wanted to be successful so she gave into the fakery, and lost her true self in the process. And hey, maybe at some point she decided that she had to see the true twistedness of humanity via a killing game, who knows? Plus, make-up, that's very Junko-ish of her, just saying-)

Jean DeLamer:

Okay, so some people got 'owl' or 'flamingo', but this man got a whole dragon. And he cannot be more deserving of it, fly high king.

I really didn't think there were dragons in the Bible, but apparently they get a mention (in all fairness, it's a real big book). Fun fact: Biblically, they are usually mentioned to reference sea monsters. On brand for our sea captain. Bad news though, dragons are pretty exclusively evil (sometimes straight-up Satan), and are vanquished by God. So... Not great for Jean, honestly, that's concerning.

Could he have a connection to the killing game? He could be a traitor of some sort, or he could try to rise up against the KG and get struck down.

Basically: Jean has no power here, he will lose every time, if the Bible-dragons are anything to go by.

Anyways, dragons are pretty relevant in... most cultures, so this is probably the most interesting thing I can dig up.

Jett Dawson:

In my original post, I mislabelled Jett's animal as a wolf. Somebody in the comments corrected me, pointing out that it's a coyote. Coyotes are closely related to wolves, so there's some symbolic overlap, but I'll rewrite the section anyways, because the original didn't shed much light on anything.

Biblically, coyotes are in a bit of an odd spot. They're seen as cunning and dangerous for the most part, but in Isaiah's passage (disclaimer: I haven't read it, I'm doing the deeply unacademic thing of trusting 'straightforwardguidance'.com) he complains that coyotes and lizards are more grateful to him than humans. This is used to demean the coyote; a wild animal is better than people in Isaiah's eyes, placing them at the low end of societal importance (not literally, ofc).

Apparently, the bible also describes these animals as being wise, due to their hunting tactics. Coyotes will hunt rabbits as a team, with one tiring a rabbit out and another finishing it off. This little tidbit does not bode well for Grace, our rabbit. But, to be fair, the presence of a coyote wouldn't go well for most small animals.

I don't have too much to say about coyotes, beyond their obvious similarity to wolves. Wolves tend to hunt sheep (which gave them a bit of a negative biblical rep), but let's be real, a sheep isn't winning many battles out in the wild.

Jett strikes me as a 'tragic killer', like our usual chapter 2/4 killers. There's wildcard energy to him, though - I could see him killing, surviving or dying, but whatever happens, there'll be a plot point surrounding his face, it seems too interesting to not be a thing.

Kai Monteago:

Butterfly, on chest, let's go.

Most obvious interpretation: social butterfly, he's an influencer.

Biblically, they're pretty irrelevant, but symbolically they're all about transformation. This could indicate character development, a change in tune, etc. Not much to say here, it could represent vulnerability (butterflies are fragile), but it's most likely a reference to the phrase social butterfly.

Mark 'Mayhem' Berskii:

His hat is, indeed, an alligator. At first I thought it was a dragon, then a crocodile, but the concept art confirms it to be an alligator.

Google couldn't tell me much about Bible alligators, which was expected. What it can tell me is the symbolism behind them, though.

Alligators are cunning and wise. Which adds up here, Mark seems way smarter than he lets on. He makes a comment at the end of a non-stop debate (something about setting the trash fire) which suggests he's a critical thinker, seeing the misguided logic in the room.

They are also apex predators with a lot of strength which... is concerning, in terms of potential murderers. Since they've been around since the prehistoric age, alligators are seen as having an ancient, primal aura about them.

I feel there's more than meets the eye with Mark - he'll carry a key discovery or two, just you wait.

Wenona:

Wenona is the girlboss we need, as well as the girlboss we deserve, no further questions. Her animal decal is a little less obvious than others', being bear pawprints at the bottom of her coat.

My favourite Bible story ever (because it's hilarious out of context) is the one about Elisha and the bears, where two bears maul forty-two children because they made fun of a guy. So, maybe don't get on her bad side via mockery.

Interestingly, bears are used to symbolise cruelty and self-servedness which... adds up here, I guess.

Symbolically, bears are a little more cuddly than the Bible makes them out to be. They're known for hibernation, making them quite patient and cautious animals. Bears are grounded animals and represent strength, being fearsome predators.

Wenona is very set in her views, and appears to be unwavering, much like a bear.

Eloise Taulner:

Eloise wears a swan pin in her hair, making that her signature animal. Swans are graceful and vicious; a fascinating combination for a character like Eloise.

In the Bible, swans are everything you'd assume a white bird to be. It's all very 'this bird is the serene love of god, do not eat it, but for different reasons'.

Symbolically, swans are loyal birds, being of the 'mates for life' variety. Something interesting to mention is the concept of a swan song - a song that laments death, said to be the most beautiful song ever sung by a swan, despite the birds being far from natural singers. In Greek mythology, swans were sacred to both Aphrodite and Apollo, with Apollo being the god of music.

Which presents the possibility of a friendship between Mark and Elodie, with him being 'music' and her being a swan.

Swans are very powerful birds, so Eloise's character arc will probably involve her becoming stronger in terms of willpower and confidence.

Ingrid Grimwall:

This one's a little harder to spot, but Ingrid's animal symbol is on her bag, in the form of a lion.

Lions are generally seen as brave, proud animals. The main Biblical story that comes to mind is the story of Daniel, who was thrown into a den of lions. A lion's roar is intended to paralyse its foes with fear, but can its bite match its bark? I suspect Ingrid will be a big talker, but less keen to take actual initiative. Male lions are known for being less active than their pride members, with the female lions doing the hunting.

Although, you could argue that a lion is a natural leader. These qualities don't need to be exclusive though - why not be a leader and a layabout?

Besides that, there's pride and family and strength, but the less prominent placement of Ingrid's emblem tells me she'll be less fearsome than her classmates.

Cassidy Amber:

Cassidy's a little bit different from the others. Her animal motif doesn't have a specific portrayal of the animal (much like Wenona's and Ulysses'), and hers is repeated as a pattern - Cassidy wears tights with a spiderweb pattern.

Now, spiders are pretty well known for trapping things. It's kind of their whole deal. This gives Cassidy some serious mastermind vibes to me, especially when coupled with the fact that she's married to the content grind, loves games, and has a lot of money to throw around.

But anyway, the Bible just kind of complains about their webs being fragile, which could be interpreted as 'her fanbase isn't a true connection to others, they'll abandon her the second someone new catches their attention'. In reality, the Bible doesn't hold up for most of these, but like... it's interesting, right?

Spiders could be described as patient killers. They weave intricate webs for their victims and wait for the opportune moment to strike. Spiders are often feared, with arachnophobia being one of the most popular phobias. Cassidy herself is capable of projecting an unsettling aura and might be described as unnerving.

Fun fact: Red spiders specifically symbolise wealth, passion and excitement, which lines up pretty well with our pro-gamer.

In Conclusion:

I spent way too long making this.

Also, the Bible was pretty useless for most of these BUT the Bible reflects a lot of general perceptions (because it set quite a few of them), so it was sometimes interesting, I think, I'm tired, send help, goodnight!

(If you've made it this far, say hi or something, this took three hours and for what?)

[searchingforatrail]

While Earthspark has been praised for it's representation of queer characters (specifically Nightshade), I want to find room to talk about their disservice to characters of color, imo, mainly during the last batch of episodes.

I agree with it being a very progressive show, but the way Mo and Robby's storylines were essentially squashed and condensed into a couple of episodes and rushed was really...not okay.

I think having characters of color is one thing, but writing them well and giving them as much depth and dedication as you do other characters is another.

And I find ES just not doing that to the point where I forget they're supposed to be the main characters.

Even fandom tends to favor the terrans over the actual human Maltos. The fact that Robby was deathly ill was overlooked by the fact that Starscream & Megatron were in an episode together. Like why have the much needed addressing of Starscream's abuse by Megatron in the SAME epsiode where Robby is fighting for his life? Why not dedicate a separate episode to that?

Why not give Robby spot light to deal with the fact that he might lose his life because he created his sibling? The fact that the Seekers drained the one source of water that could have potentially saved Robby was looked over in the show and by the fandom. People even cared about Hashtag more than Robby, and how she was impacted in the episode, but not Robby.

Mo having to fight Mandroid by herself and going through mental torture by Quintus was discussed by maybe a handful of people. Yet fandom constantly discusses the mental distress Twitch goes through whenever she's terrified of losing a family member. But for Mo, it's near radio silence.

The kids being thrust into the role of Primes was talked about for maybe a few seconds before Dot eventually okays it, but nothing else. No one protected them except their mother, no one stood up for them. Both Malto children have had the most traumatic storyline since creating the Terrans, and it's been largely downplayed and overlooked by fandom.

As for the writers, there's this thing with over-traumatizing kids of color which I think they're not really able to grasp. Why make the first two black children in TF suffer this much without addressing it in canon? Why make a little black girl fight a crazy ass scientist? Why make Robby almost lose his life squash his recovery together in a poorly written storyline?

Yes, put the kids through the most distressing shit, but maybe have people in fandom check-up on Mo and Robby and comfort them constantly. Make it known that what they're going through isn't okay

Earthspark is praised for it's representation and being progressive, but so far they've really disappointed me with Mo and Robby. Don't even get me started on the lack of Alex.

And this is just my opinion. If others don't agree with it, that's fine. But this has just irked me.

Please give characters of color appropriate pacing and characterization. I know it's possible because they do it with every other character. Why not the main characters?

[mirageofadesert]

So I watched most of Luo Yunxi's (allegedly) mediocre filmography ... here are some thoughts.

⭕️Ashes of Love (dropped it, will come back for it later) ❤️ ✔️Princess Silver ❤️❤️ ✔️ And the Winner is Love ❤️ ✔️ Love is Sweet ❤️❤️❤️ ✔️ Broker ❤️❤️ ✔️Lie to Love ❤️ ✔️Light Chaser Rescue ❤️(❤️) ✔️Till the end of the moon ❤️❤️❤️ ❌ Immortality 🤡🤡🤡

First off, the words (allegedly) mediocre and "TTEOTM" or "Love is Sweet" are not allowed in the same sentence. That's why I wont discuss them here. These dramas are talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show stopping, spectacular, never the same, totally unique ... next question.

As for the rest... I have some thoughts and I'm willing to share them:

First of all, I enjoyed all of them and that came as a surprise. I had seen fans joke about his filmography with one smiling and one crying eye, voicing that they hope he would soon be a position to pick better scripts. However, on paper I think the scripts weren't bad per se, but the execution is a bit questionable.

The kind of roles he picks ...

... are actually really great. He seem to gravitate towards deeply conflicted and complex characters, that allow emotional and nuanced portrayals. Non of them are perfect, but they try. Sometimes, the script or directing doesn't allow the characters to be as convincing, as they could be. In other cases, the actors he share a scene with, are utterly unconvincing in their performances.

I appreciate that all his chosen dramas have actual plot besides the romantic story and I didn't have to sit through something as boring as a pure romance without any substance (looking at you, Hidden Love). I also would guess, that he chooses his show based on the roles he plays, because those are often considerably better than the script overall.

Trapped by lackluster writing ...

... is a serious problem, especially when it involves cringey lines as well as wattpad level backstories. I think "Lie to Love" had the weakest script, "Broker" had some really over the top and cringe backstories, while "Lightchaser Rescue"'s biggest problem lies with the directing and production. "Princess Silver" was great overall and I wish he played a bigger role. I'm still not sure what went wrong with "And the winner is love", but I guess it's a combination of everything. Kudos to the actors, that pull off these bad or cringe lines with the same level of dedication and passion... I'm sorry, that I had to skip them anyway.

Acting circles around other actors...

... it's not a regular thing, but it tend to happens with some of his FL. It's not even that they are bad actresses per se, but often written with so little character, that there isn't much anyone can bounce off of. Su Xieyi (Cheng Xiao in "Lie to Love") and Chong Xuezhi (Yukee Chen/Chen Yuqi in "And the Winner is Love") are particularly guilty of this. It's also not something that can be blamed on lacking chemistry between the lead actors, as those two did not convey any chemistry with anyone in their perspective shows. A lot of the female characters in cdramas are hard to watch - and it's the main reason I have not been able to watch Ashes of Love yet.

I recently read a reddit post, that pointed out that Luo Yunxi always has good chemistry with his FL, but that those don't necessary give back the same energy. This leads to his characters always seeming more in love with their romantic partners. Luo Yunxi sells every love story... I really wish he would be paired up with more emotive actresses portraying well written characters.

His strengths ...

... lies in costume dramas for sure. He just looks like he came right out of a painting. This is also where his dance background shines the most. His wire and fight scenes are always excellent. However, I do understand that those are strenuous to shoot, particularly in the summer. In addition he excels in portraying suffering and a storm of conflicting emotions. He is a great actor, with exceptional facial expression and good voice acting. As an audience, you can feel his commitment to all of his roles. This becomes even more obvious, once you find out how often he was injured on set and still pulled through. I wont forget that one leaked clip of him doing wire stunts with his wheel chair waiting on the side ...

What I want to see him play in the future....

... is a more comedic costume drama. "Love is Sweet" but with long hair and fight scenes! I also would love to see him as a villain (again), but I guess he has outgrown these roles - at least in dramas. I also need another show similar to TTEOTM, that is more mature than most dramas of this genre and doesn't focus on the romance. Lastly, a 3rd drama with Bai Lu would be great!

What I learned from this going forward ...

... is to give less popular shows a try. So far, some rather popular or loved dramas (Hidden Love, Ashes of Love, Immortal Samsara etc) failed to impress me. I also learned that I need at least one character to latch onto, while starting a show or I will not get into it. A lot of shows sadly lack these convincing and obsession-worthy characters.

[mana-jjk]

finally someone who actually understands inuokko and doesn't mischaracterize as an alpha sigma male and Toge as an uwu boy! bestie you don't know how happy I am that you came up on my fyp.

omg hi anon !! 🥺🫶

i love analyzing characters way before any shipping, i could actually read nothing but found family fics because i just feel like they always catch the perfect dynamic. with yuuta and toge specifically, i do feel like you can appreciate aspects of how their dynamic is on an appearance level or how they fit certain popular tropes, but i don’t think it’s the driving force behind what makes them so good together.

i do acknowledge that if we default to the stereotypical gay men tropes without tangible reason, it’s more indicative of getting used to knowing how to write LGBT+ relationships and tending to default to what we might be used to in straight relationships. i say that without any offense intended, it’s just a part of the writing process. especially with toge as a character, who has so much of his characterization sprinkled outside of the manga and anime. a lot of his backstory and characteristics are derived from the fun facts, light novel, and now even the unreleased game has given us so much more content. but i also think that’s why he’s so popular, there’s so much freedom in exploring him, especially if you haven’t discovered the existing content. taking that with yuuta who is honestly a fan favorite of the chad dude straight bros and gets a little too much ‘alpha male’ treatment from them, it can be a little confusing. (it kills me a little to see some one say he’s an alpha male with a bad attitude and smoking guns when manga panels will literally have him looking like this (・・?) 😭)

i do have preferences in how both yuuta and toge are portrayed, but that’s just because i care about them so much as individual characters.

for me, toge is soft and kind, but he was also born as a weapon and has spent his life sacrificing himself over and over. you can still have that softness and kindness, even more so when experiencing certain things, but there’s also a degree of hardening from trauma. i do characterize him to be less overtly an instigator lol, but that’s personal preference in how i see him combined with canon material. i find a lot of his trolling to be slipped in and more of a double take than full on gremlin, but that’s less mischaracterization and more preference. i find his relationship with living and death so, so interesting, especially in how he tries to shield the first-years and yuuta from having any kind of blood on their hands. it implicates him to have done that very thing, and he spends his life silencing himself because of it. i do believe his language barrier is almost a relief, because it acts almost as a self-imposed wall. but despite that wall, he still reaches out because while he himself is okay being alone, the thought of someone like yuuta, someone he sees as exactly like him, suffering by himself is painful to him.

for yuuta, i am a big advocate for the continued acknowledgment of his anxiety, depression, and low key craziness. he had a normal childhood, but that somehow makes the transition to everything with rika so much worse. because he had that normalcy and it was shattered completely. he’s hurt, maimed, and killed people both unintentionally and intentionally. but he sees it as necessary in protecting the people he cares about the most. in a lot of ways, i think his dubious morality and how far he’s willing to go is an expression of his love. for example, killing getou in his eyes is the ultimate act of service to gojo, so he himself would not have to kill him. his character is such a juxtaposition compared to everyone we’ve been introduced to. here you have these child soldiers, ready and willing to sacrifice themselves, where death and suffering is more feasible than ever living their life to entirely. then they give us yuuta, who wants to live so badly in happiness that he’s willing to inflict and do everything for and against their society. it’s almost an unhealthy relationship to a degree, but it’s the only kind of relationship any of them know how to have.

together they work so well, because like i’ve said before, they defy each other’s expectations in what they ever believed they could have or deserve. despite their rough edges, the blood on their hands, the years they’ve lost to fighting battles they never started, they treat each other so gently. as if they are the better half, yet simultaneously knowing exactly how much they have done. yuuta who sees violence almost as a love letter, who absorbs toge’s curse as if it’s something to admire and adore. toge who sees himself as unforgivable in his crimes, who self-enforces isolation and barriers yet took a step out just to comfort yuuta from a mild spell of anxiety, because he couldn’t stand to see him suffer even in a minor degree.

i have so many feelings about them so i’m so glad that they come across the way i want them to !! i love all content, and i’m always willing to share my thoughts, but ty so much for the validation bestie, i’m sure i’m eating up your content as well !! 🥺

[innocentimouto]

One thing I’ve noticed is that most people in the atla fandom aren’t invested in discussing any trauma experienced directly by war and tend to value “more commonly known trauma”. 

Zuko getting burned? Being unloved? Having anger issues due to it? Desperately wanting his father’s love?

Everyone understands this in the fandom and explains all his behavior through these lenses.

Iroh losing his son. Sokka wanting to prove himself to his father and be a leader is relatable to many kids trying to grow up and fill shoes expected of them. Toph wanting her parents to understand her.

These are all things many people relate to in some way. Without having to have lived through war.

It’s why most Mai haters don’t even hate her for supporting the Fire Nation. Many don’t recognize that’s a problem. They hate her for how she acts around Zuko. Another relationship issue that can exist outside of a war situation.

Sometimes I get the vibe that people hate Mai for supposedly NOT being loyal to the Fire Nation (apparently calling her selfish and uncaring for her own people).

It’s why people have difficulty understanding Ty Lee also participated in taking down Ba Sing Se and harming many people in the process. And why it’s severely problematic that she just joined Suki.

It’s why Zuko’s racist and sexist lines throughout the show get tossed aside because he had a “redemption arc”. You don’t unlearn things you were taught to believe your whole life that quickly. Even the most sincere person would stumble and say something harmful or unwittingly carry harmful and racist beliefs.

It’s why his pathetic apology to Suki for burning her village is glossed over, like actual people couldn’t have died then. Like it’s so easy to forgive losing your home like that.

It’s why Iroh losing his son is so important and connects to his relationship with Zuko, which apparently makes Iroh good. Yeah, Iroh did bad things whatever those were, but it’s all good now. Anyone who is angry at him just lost their way and needs some tea and wisdom. Anger is not the answer.

His actions in the war are an afterthought. Other characters will get headcanons stretching any action in the most negative light:

Azula burning a doll

Aang kissing Katara without permission

Mai not giving in to Zuko’s every whim

Jet wanting Zuko to join the Freedom Fighters

Notice again, none of these things are exclusive to war. Even when people write Iroh negatively, it’s more on how he doesn’t help Zuko or doesn’t offer any help to Azula.

No one questions why he met dragons and still continued to conquer land. Few people discuss how very not wise it was of him to finally stop supporting the fn after his son died.

Even when people say he was indoctrinated and that’s hard to get out of----

then why do you hate on Azula? Why is it not hard for her?

Because she lied to Zuko. Because she worked for Ozai who abused Zuko. This is why Azula is at times more hated than Ozai. It’s not because of her actions in war. It’s because Zuko views her as this big obstacle that he agonizes trying to beat.

Again, not fully related to war.

Zuko and Azula and Ty Lee and Mai worked to conqueror BSS? Azula is the evil one. 

This seems less like the suffering of the victims are being prioritized and more like a character who’s already hated is facing even more hate.

Jet floods a village. People still hate him more for manipulating Katara. To them he’s not horrible because he flooded a village. He’s horrible because he used Katara first and then he flooded a village.

Jet is seen as the abusive and manipulative boyfriend. Or an out of control angered teenager “whose prejudice killed him”.

There’s little discussion on why he would flood Gaipan. The most common is that he was angry. Or he wanted to spread pain. Nothing about facing actual danger or who was living there or that maybe the Fire Nation could decide to burn the forest if they got fed up.

His trauma is vaguely acknowledged and only to further show how dangerous he is to others. Being suspicious of Zuko is deemed as stalking. Stealing from the ferry is labelled as evil and proof he didn’t change from Book 1 despite being given to other refugees. In fact Jet is the only one seen giving out food.

Jet grew up an orphan in a forest with other orphans under him and a very common take is that he’s like a cult leader trying to get more people to brainwash. He can’t let go of the war because of anger and extremism. His trauma makes him dangerous and not uwu and in need of help and love like Zuko’s.

People think Katara could forgive Zuko easily but not Jet. Because Jet manipulated her. And Zuko just tried to kill her and her brother and capture the Avatar thus taking away hope for winning the war...

These are on entirely different levels. There is also the fact that Zuko invaded her home and made her experience what happened when her mother died all over again.

But that’s okay because Zuko apologized and he was traumatized, and Katara has a big heart. But bring Jet into the equation and it’s not even whether he apologizes or not; most decide Katara would never forgive him. 

Again, trauma and consequences of war are devalued. None of Jet’s trauma beyond anger is acknowledged and still it’s only to condemn him for hating the fn. Which would be entirely understandable if people looked at it through the context of war.

The same way Azula hate would lessen if people were to recognize everything she did was because her nation expected soldiers to. She wasn’t a singular evil, reveling in Zuko’s suffering. She was following orders from her leader and serving her nation.

Which people could recognize if they think “Zuko got his scar from being disobedient” and “maybe the same could happen to Azula”.

“Azula is horrible to her friends” and not she’s the freaking princess they have to obey her by law she completely outranks them she is in fact showing a human side by allowing them room to treat her like a friend.

“Jet needs to let go of his anger” and not witnessing your family and home killed for no reason and seeing dozens of other children face the same thing and then having to fend for yourself in a forest because not even your own people want to care for you and no matter how much anger and grief you feel nothing happens and no one is coming to help you and now it’s your job to protect other children and you never asked for any of this and why won’t this stop and you have every right to be angry

I could go on, but this is also why many don’t relate to Aang. Yeah he lost his people but--

I’m sorry what?

Genocide is something plenty of people can understand and plenty of people don’t and unfortunately the people who don’t tend to make it hard for survivors to speak about it or be angry and want justice.

Aang should have all the justification to be angry. He should have all the justification to run away from his responsibilities. He is a child meant to save the world and everyone he loves is gone. His nightmares of finally facing Ozai are made into a joke about school to be more relatable to kids. Personally I think that even if many kids wouldn’t understand the genocide aspect, they could understand why Aang would be anxious.

Almost all of the fandom loves Toph because she’s always right and rough and amazing and again very few question her line of “not my problem” to helping in the war. Most don’t discuss how her wealthy life would have shielded her entirely from the war, making it difficult for her to understand any of the Gaang’s trauma.

One might say “it’s a kid show so they couldn’t show too much of war”.

They had Zuko burned and screaming. They had Katara about to kill someone in cold blood. They had Toph almost fall to her death. They had Hama in chains in a cell for years. They had animal abuse. They had brainwashing and women with no other role than to be puppets.

Even if they couldn’t show too much of war, they should have toned down the amount of humanization the Fire Nation got. 

Basically I feel like this stems from how people experience trauma outside of war and how it’s become more acceptable to speak about it, but people who have suffering from war and colonization still aren’t welcomed enough and aren’t heard in online spaces and it really shows in this fandom sometimes.

[middlenamesage]

Do you ever look up a chart of just the current transits at your location (not a personal transits chart) in moments that make you curious because of some thought or occurrence?

I think getting in a practice of doing this can be one of the best ways to wrap your head around astrology better, also around the concept that everyone and everything is connected. 🌀

The chart of the moment at my location always shows dynamics that fit my situation or thoughts, even if I am not also putting consideration towards where my natal placements would interact with the chart. (You can do that too of course!)

I’ve found the ascendant of the chart (the most time-sensitive part, and the helm/starting point of any chart) generally immediately gives huge context. For example, when I was writing last night about how my responsibilities feel like they make me suffer less the last few days, and also wrote I need to get *serious* about my mental health… I looked up the transits and found SATURN smack dab, to the degree, on the ascendant of the local chart. 🪐 🙏 I seem to usually find a planet conjunct the ascendant whenever it occurs to me to look up the transits out of curiosity… but if there isn’t one, the ascendant ruler should still be pretty key!

Where the planets are in the houses also tends to give a lot of context to my thoughts or whatever is happening, when I look up the current transits for my location. It’s a little bit like horary astrology the way I embrace this, except I’m usually not looking up charts of the moment in order to try to answer a question (I have done that!)… usually it’s just to get the context of dynamics at that time which the planets shed light on… and to keep myself forever satisfied and fascinated with how astrology always works! 🤩 It’s helped a lot with learning too!

Close studying of one’s personal transits actually isn’t even necessary to see how the macrocosm (Universe) reflects microcosms trickling all the way down from earth, to a region, to an individual. I keep that awareness of where my natal placements interact with the transits because it does help with understanding the most personal implications of astrology for my life! But I tend to be in greater wonder over how we really all fit into the picture.

🌌

I hope these observations and/or advice have been helpful and inspiring 💖✨

[neviiw]

10th of November 2024, it's almost the end of the year.

I have a lot of things to learn from this year, and one thing specifically is: learning to appreciate my own worth. This year I seriously realized I depended on others my whole life, as I don't believe in myself. Even if I journal about it, writing "I should love myself"- no it's not that easy. Yes, give love to people but know how to give it to yourself too. Actually, it was a hard pill to swallow but: I can do things by myself. It takes a lot of courage, but eventually I can do it. I knew it, I just ... didn't want to. I had and have so much privileges, I'm basically free to do whatever I want and yet I wasn't even grateful for that. I was selfish and I might still be. Now, I'm working on it, and I hope I'll be a bit more mature and able to genuinely appreciate my own presence and my worth. I can't be myself if I always depend on others.

“ My worth lies in more than what other people think of me ”

I am also someone who always wants to find a purpose in, well, everything. I feel the littlest thing so deeply, and I always want to understand people on a deeper level. But that isn't necessary, I'll end up vulnerable and any little comment about me would make me tear down once I'm in my room. Is it a form of hypersensitivity ? That exhausts me so much ! I can't take some jokes, and honestly I don't think that's a problem because it tends to be too much for me at times. What's even more exhausting is that I am grateful to be like that, but not to the point where I start to have a victim mindset. I don't need to suffer to justify anything. I can just be myself and happy. Well, it's always easier to say than to do so, but it's another lesson from this year that I learned. Being (hyper?)sensitive is a beautiful power, I just need to know how to "control" it.

One last thing I want to point out from this year is:

Take up space.

I just remembered one ig reel where this girl said : "You shouldn't have to dim your light, to let other people shine". It sounded wrong to me at first. I always felt compelled to hold back on showcasing my true self, strengths or abilities out of a fear of seeming arrogant or making others feel inadequate. But now I understand: I shouldn't downplay my achievements or strengths, and confidence should not come at the cost of hiding who I am or minimizing my potential. So, take up space dear me.

Life goes on, everyone is busy with their own lives and you should do the same thing. See, you're just eighteen and still learning. You don't want to have another day doing the exact same mistakes nor to always feel down for anything. I hope next days, next months, next years, ... you will be okay and free from yourself.

[bellysoupset]

Heyyy Soup, since you are answering questions - I hope you are doing well! - would you mind sharing the secret of how do you make a vanilla story after writing so much for ehmm for this community stuff? Like since writing here I have written more than ever before, which is great, but where is my vanilla stuff🙈 I want to be able to do that too, but the damn emeto/suffering aspect can't seem to stay out of any chapter! If this is a weird/uncomfy question, just ignore me, darling. @writing-whump

Hi Sol!! How are you?

God this is something I struggled with for so long!! Every time I'd get involved in a vanilla story/fic, I'd slowly wanna bring in emeto and would start angsting over it.

Eventually though, I think what helped was this blog. Probably one of the big reasons why I write so much is that every time I feel the urge to include emeto in my vanilla writing, I come here and channel that into the Dumbasses. Some fics don't even see the light of day, its just so I'll get rid of the desire of writing it.

I doooo think there's a fine line to thread in vanilla and that we can dance it. As in, physical whump (injuries and emotional whump) is super widespread and accepted within the vanilla writing community. So I really don't mind dabbling into that. Besides, some emeto I think is fine? I mean, Stephen K1ng is out there writing puke in every story and, although many people have put together he's probably an emetophile, he's no less respected because of this.

Not only this, I think the urge also goes both ways. Sometimes I tend to get a little carried away, but I have learned to identify when I start writing too much vanilla here as well! And how to channel that in the actual vanilla I'm writing elsewhere.

(In my case having a song that I heavily link to my vanilla writing in the background helps me get into that mindset, lowkey pavloving myself here 🙈)

[fantasies-fairytales-n-fics]

Code Blue Ch.5 "2:22"

Summary: Lee and Jo share a sweet texting conversation. He later hangs out with Dr. Bloom and soon after finds himself in another mess. Jo worries when her texts go unanswered. She pays Lee a visit and gets more than one surprise.

*Warning* Angst, language, alcohol/drug use, graphic descriptions, mentions of death, child loss, domestic dispute

Stories Masterlist

Salem, Massachusetts

February 3, 2023

After you left, Lee went upstairs to crash and sleep the day away after eating pizza he had delivered. Lord knows he needed the rest after what he had just put his body through last night. He found himself tossing and turning into the night hours...with relentless thoughts of you. Thoughts of the loss you had suffered. He still worried that if you knew he was the doctor that tended to your brother, would you still look at him the same because he couldn't save him? He eventually just laid there talking to himself....and eventually to God, whom he believed in whole heartedly, although he had went through the first few years of being angry with him after Jacob's death.

Lee then picked up his phone to find a text message from you. When he had used your phone to call his so he would have your number, he actually texted it instead, knowing you would see the message he sent from your phone. It was a simple "Cherries are my favorite fruit btw."

Your reply conjured the biggest smile upon his face.

"So I gathered from the fact of u saying u liked the taste of my cherry chapstick and then dashed off singing about it. How r u doing? R u alright?"

Lee rubbed his eyes and sat up, staring at his phone in the darkened room, contemplating his reply. It was 11 pm, twelve hours after you had been there and he had only slept merely three of it at the most.

He swung his bare feet across the bed and placed them on the wood floor as he yawned and turned on his bed stand light, then put on his reading glasses.

"I am fine. A bit sore and bruised but ok. I just woke up actually. Gonna get up and continue cleaning this money pit lol. What about u? R u alright? How did things go with your mom?"

You had tried so hard to fall asleep but Lee's cologne was all over you, teasing your nose and other parts of you that ached for him. As you placed your hands on your face to inhale his remnants, you were startled by the sound of your phone chiming. You instantly hoped that it was Lee. Fumbling to look at the screen, his name appeared and awoke your butterflies from their dormant state.

"Hey u. Yes, I am fine and I am so glad to hear from u. My mom is drugged up on sleeping meds right now. We have to go to the funeral home tomorrow which I am dreading. I just woke up too, right before u texted me. Weird lol."

Lee softly chuckled. "Clairvoyant maybe? Ur not a witch are u?🤔"

If you had told him about your dream of him being hurt just eight hours before you found him passed out cold on the floor, he might actually think that you were. Hell, you even wondered sometimes, as this wasn't the first time you've ever had premonition like dreams.

"Well, I do live in Salem in one of the witch houses my father bought. I'll let u ponder on that. 😉"

"Oh dear lord. Well that is just perfect. I love witchy stuff."

"Really? Me 2. I actually write about things like that, fantasies and fairytales etc...it's just a hobby but it keeps me grounded, a coping mechanism per se. I kinda like escaping life for awhile."

"Well no shit? I don't write but I love to read. Your genre is right up my alley. I no what u mean about wanting to escape, even if only for a little while. I guess we now have another thing in common."

"It looks that way. So cool. So....do u believe in wishes?"

"Witches, maybe. Wishes....not so much. Why do u ask?"

"Because it is 11:11 right now."

"Ahhhh. Let's just say I have wished upon it before, but I never was granted my desires."

"Well...hurry. Make a wish right now before it turns and I will too. Maybe if we wish at the same time, it will come true lol."

Lee chuckled, then decided to humor you and closed his eyes. The wish he would have liked to make, he knew would not come true...ever, for it was for Jacob to be alive. He had wished it so many times, he lost track. The wish that invaded his mind in that moment stunned him. He wished for you. He had actually wished for you in the past. Not you literally per se as he never knew you, but someone just like you he longed for. It seemed to him that wish may already have been answered but he wanted to do it again, to maybe seal the deal...He then laughed at himself for being so ridiculous. He knew these things weren't real.

In that same moment, you made the same wish. You wanted him. You wanted him so bad it hurt. If only you both had realized that you wanted the same things, a wish would not even be needed, for destiny would take it's course regardless.

"Soooo...what did u wish for?" Lee asked.

"If I tell u, it won't come true. Ha ha."

"Alright. So if it does come true, u will tell me right?"

"Most definitely. Hey, I'm gonna let u go for now so u can go do ur cleaning n stuff. I gotta get up early for all the funeral stuff and what not. Talk later? I hope."

"Oh fo sho girl. Get some sleep...and...thank u so much for everything. Goodnight witchy woman. 😂"

"Omg lol....ur so welcome. Ok. Goodnight Lee. ttyl."

"Sweet dreams lady luck."

Lee began his cleaning while he was wide awake and in the mood. He knew this was going to take him longer than the two weeks he had off because he still had other priorities. He needed to visit his father and still check in on patients by consulting with the covering physician. Plus he had farm animals to tend to along with a cat and a dog, which he would go do each day at some point, and if he absolutely could not do it, he had well paid trustworthy people to take care of it.

He laid his phone on the table with pandora app set on the 80's pop rock station. A song came on that got him in a spunky mood as he started singing while collecting trash from the back porch.

"Josie I've got your number. IIII'm gonna make you mine. Josie don't change your number 867530 ni eee yiiiine." He laughed to himself in amazement at how well that fit with everything.

The doorbell rang in a frenzy. Lee opened it to find Orlando with booze in hand. Wine and whiskey, and of course, munchies.

"Banando!! Come on in man and give me some of that."

Lee grabbed the bottle of whiskey from Orlando's hand and trotted into the kitchen.

"Man, you weren't kidding bro. They really did a number on this place." Dr. Bloom said as his eyes scoured the living room.

"Tell me something I don't know...and if you tell me you open mouth kissed a horse once, I am going to kick your ass."

"Ha ha ha. No...I didn't do that...not recently anyways." Orlando grinned and poured himself a large glass of wine as Lee sat down with the Jim Beam, drinking it straight from the bottle.

"Why does it smell like women's perfume in here dude? You got some chic here somewhere??"

Lee was taken aback that your floral scent still lingered after an entire 12 hours had passed. He figured he must of become nose blind to it, but then he did slightly notice it after Orlando brought it up. The reason he could now smell it was because it was all over his tee shirt from when you had your body against his to help him off the floor...and when you had hugged him, which then explained why Orlando smelled it. Now Lee knew why he could not sleep, besides the fact that you had clouded his mind with your golden eyes and his ears with your angelic voice....and his nose with your succulent sweet scent. He seriously needed a shower, he told himself...a cold one.

"I wish." Lee chuckled. "I think it's your cologne."

"Oh, that's hilarious Bee Gee Lee....Seriously man, I smell it. Who did you have here? What's the big deal?"

"Exactly. What's the big deal?" Lee snarked and took a swig of his whiskey and swiped his finger over his phone., then glared at Orlando as the song by the bee Gee's played called Massachusetts.

Orlando set down his glass and stared at his best friend. "Ok...like...did I just strike some invisible nerve here? What are you not telling me? It's me man. Why do you act like you have some classified secret or something?"

Lee swigged another drink. "Because it is...technically. Doctor patient confidentiality." he smirked.

"Oh hellls naw. Are you shitting me? You're fucking a patient?"

"Whoa, hey. I never said that."

"Uh...you didn't have to. I see it now. It's written all over your sexually deprived face. Who is it? You know you gotta tell me."

"No, I don't."

"Don't or won't?"

"Can't. You know that. If it's a patient...well technically, she's not but.."

"There's that word again, technically. And what?? So there is a...she? Damn it man, spill it."

"Stop getting your also sexually deprived self in a twist. It's just....a girl...that I met at the hospital."

"A girl...a.... girl? Lee mother fucking Pace has met...a girl?" Orlando raved. "Ok, this is news worthy stuff here."

"Ok. This topic is closed. I gotta get this shit hole cleaned up. You helping or not?"

"Yep...I will help....when you tell me who this girl is that has you so damn secretive. Since when have you kept these things like this from me?"

Lee gazed down at his bottle. You weren't just a thing to him, that was why. He respected you, how could he not?

"Since now. I just don't want to talk about it alright? I got too much shit on my mind as it is."

"I'm sorry man. I know how hard this time is for you. I haven't forgotten what yesterday was."

Lee immediately deflected. "So, judging by your attire, I see you just came from the hospital. How are things going there?"

"Oh, you know, the usual. Nurse Theresa always up my ass about my handwriting. You know she rudely came into a room when I was tending to a patient and scolded me right in front of her. Such bullshit man. It's how I write. If I try to change it, it will literally take me forever to get things done. Even the patient was pissed off by it. Called her a bitch after she had left the room." Orlando chortled as he pictured that moment.

The good doctor knew that patient was you and he still didn't tell Lee that you had requested to see him, even after he told you he would when he saw Lee again. Orlando wanted his own chance with you and he knew he wouldn't have a prayer against his best friend, since he could tell you were into the ridiculously gorgeous Dr. Pace. Even Nurse Theresa didn't give Lee a hard time and his handwriting was far worse than his. Dr. Bloom had always secretly walked in Lee's shadow.

"You know what I always say to that." Lee coaxed.

"Yep. Fuck em."

Both men bellowed in laughter and continued chatting and drinking for about another hour before attempting to get some work done. It was 1 am and Lee was heavily feeling his tippling inebriated state affecting him. He had never been much of a drinker until the accident and he could usually do it in moderation until the anniversary dates came around, and it certainly didn't help with him by being in that house with all of Jacob's memories and belongings.

Lee just wanted to sell it. Out of sight, out of mind kinda thing. Stupidly he went upstairs to drunk dial Elizabeth and tell her he decided to do it. She had no claim on the property so why he wanted to inform her was even beyond him as he avoided her like the plague. But as usual, his intoxication would always make him do stupid things. Such as drunk texting you as well.

"P.S. I don't want u to let me go." His thumb hesitated over the send button...and then he pushed it. What did he have to lose at this point, he thought. It's relevance was to the end of your prior texting session when you told him you were going to let him go so you could get some sleep.

Then, he called Elizabeth.

"Lizzy...it's me."

"Jesus Lee, it's after 1 in the morning. What the fuck do you want?"

"Do you always have to be such a bitch? I need to tell you something."

"And it couldn't wait till morning? We haven't even spoken in over a year. What could you possibly have to tell me that I could even care about?"

"Ahhh morning. Yes..I am in mourning...still. How about you mommy dearest? Sleeping like a baby at a time like this..."

"Are you drunk?"

"Maybe. So? What's it to you? It's how I cope...unlike you who don't give a shit about what happened to your own son. New man less than a month after, new house and a new baby. You've got it all, moved on without a care in the world. Speaking of, that's why I called. To tell you I am going to sell this place. Then all of it will be non existent to you. Oh wait...it already is. My bad."

"And this involves me how exactly? I don't give a shit is right, about what you do with that dump and I am certainly not going to sit here and listen to your drunken rants. You need help Lee. I suggest you get some."

"After what you did to me? To our son, oh sorry, I mean your son. So is your child even the new guy's kid? or are you going to make him believe it is like you did to me? Then drop the bomb on him at the most inopportune time? And if anyone needs help Lizzy, it's you, to learn how to buckle a fucking seatbelt!"

Lee slammed his thumb on the end call button and hurled his phone against the wall as he roared in rage.

Orlando came running up the stairs to find Lee in a panic induced state.

"Lee, man what just happened? I heard you yelling."

Lee slowly turned to him seemingly disoriented.

"Lee! Are you alright man?" Orlando proceeded in concern as Lee wouldn't speak and began to breath heavily.

"Lee, snap out of it man! You're scaring me. I hate it when you get these attacks. You need to breathe..."

Lee knew in that moment how you must have felt just before you passed out. Orlando's words echoed and faded as Lee raced down the stairs and then all went black as he crashed to the floor.

February 4, 2023- 5 am.

Your hand blindlessly fumbled to disable the screeching alarm clock and then you laid back with a sigh after turning the light on. Up you finally went to go get a shower and begin the dreaded day.

Another hobby and talent of yours was ice skating and you were damn good at it too. So good that you could have went down that path professionally, but that wasn't what you wanted as a career. To you, it was just a sport that you began as a child and it became a huge stress and anxiety reliever as you got older. It was all for fun as well and twice a month, you even taught lessons at the ice rink downtown, and one of those days was today. You always went early so you could skate alone with the music blasting and you certainly needed it before you had to go with your mother to make funeral arrangements.

You quickly checked your phone, solely to see if Lee had texted again for any reason and there it was. The one he sent at 1 in the morning telling you he did not want you to let him go. You had to sit back down on the bed for a moment as it had taken you aback. Staring at his words, you pondered on how to even reply to that. What did he mean? A smile formed on your face as you felt a bit flirtatious and sent a simple reply.

"I wasn't planning on it 😉"

Finally, off to the shower you went but not before placing your shirt up over your nose and breathing in his lingering fragrance one last time. You swore you would never wash that shirt.

When you came out, immediately you checked your phone but there was no reply. Of course, though, it was 5:30 am and surely he must be sleeping, you thought. Out of curiosity, you checked the status of the text. Sent but not received. So now you figured his phone must be off and decided to text him later.

It was 7 am when you got to the rink as first you made breakfast for you and your mom, making sure there wasn't enough for Megan when she got up, which probably wouldn't be until late afternoon anyways as she was absolutely unproductive in every aspect of her miserable life.

You unlocked the door and turned on the lights, kicked on the music then sat down and put your skates on.

An oldies genre you picked today, 60's to 70's. You were just in the mood for something different than your usual rock genre. A song came on you hadn't heard in quite awhile. Massachusetts by the Bee Gees.

"Perfect." you said and went gliding out onto the ice. The cold breeze felt so good on your face as you did twizzles around the arena. Your thoughts instantly drifted to Lee and how much you already missed him. As the song concluded, you did a few axle jumps and then whirled around in a camel spin and merging into a sit spin.

You skated until 8:30, then sat down for a break as the class wouldn't begin until 9, which consisted of a dozen girls ranging between the ages of 11 and 13 and would last roughly two hours.

Checking your phone again in hopes to see a text from your dashing doctor, a frown devoured your face to see nothing. Probably still sleeping, you thought. You spent the remaining of your break thinking of him and the way his firm body felt against yours. God, you wanted to see him again so bad.

The class was finally over at 11 am and you then went home to change into something more appropriate for the funeral home appointment.

Noon

Lee awoke on the floor to a raging headache and a broken phone laying beside him....and Orlando asleep on the couch. He grimaced at the sunlight shining on his face and laid his arm over his eyes as he moaned and groaned in agony.

Memories of the prior night were vague but one thing he clearly remembered was stupidly texting you.

He painfully propped himself onto his elbow and saw the shattered screen on his phone. He then recalled throwing it against the wall upstairs after his heated conversation with Elizabeth. Orlando must have brought it down and laid it beside him.

He tried to power it on in desperation to see if you replied but it was dead and most likely trashed.

"Shit..." he muttered through his foul whiskey breath and let it drop from his hand.

Orlando heard the clunk and sprung up with a gasp. He had barely slept as he kept checking Lee throughout the night and early morning to make sure he was breathing. Lee's loud obnoxious snores had assisted in leaving Orlando sleepless so he knew he was going to be alright, but he still had to make sure and monitored his vitals. Dr. Bloom had witnessed these episodes on more than one occasion, even without liquor being a factor, and knew a trip to the ER was not warranted. Lee would have kicked his ass if he had called 911, but Orlando would have done it regardless if he felt it necessary.

"Well look who's up!" he shouted intentionally with a grin.

"Fuck you." Lee snarked and grunted as he placed his hands on his head.

"Oh I am sorry. Am I too loud?" Orlando snickered.

"Yes and I would prefer it if you did not speak at all."

"Well I am going to, to tell you what you already know. That you're a dumb ass. Why the hell do you keep doing this to yourself?? I am always saving you, from high school up to now."

"I was taller than you then, and I still am. I think I can muster the strength to come over there and kick your scrawny ass if you don't shut the hell up."

"Duly noted."

Lee staggered his way up to a standing position and quickly leaned on the wall. He still felt drunk.

"I think I am going to be sick."

He ran off to the bathroom just around the corner and upchucked yesterday's pizza and last night's booze. The taste made him continue his vomiting until he was doing nothing but heaving bile. He laid with his arms draped over the toilet seat and his head hanging almost inside of it.

"God...somebody kill me please." he exclaimed in a growl as he dropped to his butt and leaned up against the bathtub. Orlando peeked around the corner with a now serious and concerned face.

"You're doing a good job of that all on your own. Take some Tylenol with a shit ton of water and go try to sleep. I'll stay. I don't have a shift today. I can make lunch later if you're hungry then."

Lee moaned and laid his head on his knees. "God...no...no food. Man, my phone. It's history. I need it. I have to explain to her..so she understands...."

He abruptly stopped as he remembered exactly what he had said to you.

"Explain what and to whom? Lizzy? I assume that's who you were screaming at since I couldn't help but hear what you said."

"Fuck no...just forget I said anything. Can you go get me my other phone??"

"Just use mine man, if it's that important. It's that girl isn't it? The one you won't tell me about. Damn....you got it bad. I've never seen you act this way over any woman."

"No..." Lee blurted out and raised his blood shot eyes to Orlando. "I...I need one anyways...like now... so could you just do that? Go to the farm and bring me back some soup and crackers or toast. I think I can handle that and keep it down....and feed the animals please? I think my phone is in the kitchen....on the table."

"Alright. I saw Tylenol in the cupboard. Go take some and lay down. I won't be long."

Orlando left and Lee made his way to the kitchen to chug down ice water and take some pills. He stood over the kitchen sink with his hands on the ledge holding himself up and let his head hang as the humiliating events of last night scrambled through his pounding brain.

Off to the couch he went to lay down and try to sleep. All he could think of was you and what you must be thinking due to his blatant text. And he thought of Orlando's words. Yes, he was so right. He had it bad and he didn't know what to do about it.

You ravaged through your wardrobe in disgust. It wasn't that you hated dressier clothing, but the fact of what it was for. What you did hate was heels. You were a boots kinda girl and saved the murderous spikes and unstable wedges for when you had to work on the Haunted Star, as it was a fancy party venue. It absolutely amazed you that you could balance perfectly and gracefully as well as be on spot with coordination on a thin sheer blade over the slickest surface but could twist your ankle or fall at the drop of a hat in a pair of high heels. It wasn't even just the footwear that was a problem, as you were just uncoordinated as hell off the ice. Accident prone was your middle name and you had the scars and bruises to prove it.

You finally chose a long sleeved burgundy button down shirt to pair with your cream colored skirt, completely annoyed with the flimsy material as you fought with trying to find the sleeve.

Then you kicked off your boots and slid your feet into a pair of boring black heels, then pinned up your hair in a messy bun. Mismatched as hell you felt but were running late so it would have to do.

"Jo! Come on...it's time to go. What on earth are you doing up there??" your mom hollered up the stairs.

"Coming!!"

You sat in a chair at the funeral home waiting on the director to come out. Your mom sat beside you with a kleenex clenched tightly in her hands and said nothing until she saw your nose stuck in your phone. You were texting Lee to check on him since it was now 12:22 pm and you had heard nothing. All the usual assumptions ran through your mind as the status still showed sent only. His phone was clearly off. Was it dead? Was he ignoring you? Did he change his mind about wanting to be friends? Did you do or say something wrong? But then your mind wandered to worry. Was he alright? The anxiety was sneaking up. What if he was hurt again? You decided that if you did not hear from him by the time you left, you were going to go check on him.

"Josephine LeeAnn March! Is that all you can do is play on your phone right now?" your mother snapped. She only called you by your full name when she was fed up and meant business.

"Mom...calm down. It's not like we're doing anything at the moment."

"Calm down? Your brother's body is somewhere in this building where we sit and you are more concerned with texting whomever in the hell it is that you are texting. It's that damn doctor isn't it? Why can't you just be happy with Dave? The man adores you and you won't even give him a chance."

You ignored that last part of her ramblings as you were not going to discuss your love life with her.

"Mom...can you not say it like that? His...body."

"How would you have me say it then? That's what it is. You know, I had to see it don't you? To identify him. I couldn't even do it! His face was unrecognizable. All I had to go on was his clothing and his ring. The rest of him was badly burned. Do you know what a sight that was for me??"

"Thanks Mom, I didn't know but now I do after that detailed description. You do remember that I was there when it happened? You so did not need to tell me all this. I have enough anxiety as it is."

"Well maybe you should try taking your medicine and then you wouldn't have that problem." She turned her head and said no more.

God you couldn't take this. No one understood how the medicine made you feel. No one but Lee. You put your phone away to please her and sat with your head turned away as tears burnt your eyes.

It was finally over and you all went back home with a funeral date only days away. You didn't even bother going inside and quickly got in your car, taking off like a bat out of hell with a destination of Lee's place. One more time, you attempted to contact him by calling this time. It went straight to voicemail. You contemplated on leaving a message as his beautiful voice flowed into your ear.

"You've reached Dr. Pace. Leave me a message and I'll get back to you as soon as possible. If this is an emergency, call 911 or go to the nearest hospital."

It was an emergency. You needed him but how ridiculous was it that you felt that way over someone you barely knew. Maybe you should just call Dave instead, you thought. No, you couldn't. You didn't want to. Something felt off and you were extremely worried about Lee after how you had found him...and even more so after his strange text in the early morning hours. Had he been drinking again?

Trying to compose your voice, you left a brief message.

"Hey Lee, it's me...I mean Jo...just wanted to check on you. I'm actually on my way to your place right now. I hope that is alright. Please all me back...or text. Ok...bye."

Your voice started to break up as you had told him to call you back. You hurried and ended the call so if by chance he got the message, he wouldn't hear you being a big baby. You honestly thought you should just turn around but something wouldn't let you.

You cried all the way there after a song played that struck every chord in your soul. You had noticed the clock when it had started. 2:22 pm. Strangely, it was the time you were born. You had this thing with seeing numbers in various ways and at certain moments, wether it was the time, catching the microwave's countdown or even the total on a purchase just to name a few. It was always double or triple digits of the same number. 11, 22, 33, and 44 were the big ones for you, and the 3's came in other ways too, such as the eerie pattern of celebrity deaths. The clairvoyance probability really wasn't that far fetched.

The first time you ever kissed his mouth, you absolutely did feel the earth move in your hand like the trembling heart of a captive bird....just like the lyrics said. You were in way over your head with this man. He had awoken something in you and made you feel alive again. He made you breathe....and without him, you would suffocate.

You pulled into the driveway behind his car and noticed the clock at 2:44. You released a stunned giggling sigh, wiped your eyes and got out, quietly closing the door.

As you came to the front door, you could see Lee through the three small windows it held, sitting on the floor playing catch with a ball against the wall.

You could hear soft muffled music and him singing from inside as you knocked but he didn't hear you, so you walked in.

"Lee?"

He then heard your voice and turned his head.

When he saw that it was you, he eagerly staggered his way up and almost ran into the wall, in which he then leaned on as a crutch. You could tell he had been drinking or maybe even on something else.

"Miss Massachusetts. What are you doing here?"

You sucked in a breath and began rambling.

"I'm sorry, the door...it was open and you didn't hear me. I..I wanted to check on you...your phone...is off or something. I....I hope it's ok that I came."

His body moved unsteadily as he tried to balance and seemingly didn't want to look you in the eyes.

"Yeah...that. Sorry.. I kinda broke my phone. Seems it can't handle the impact of a wall. But my other one should be here soon. Of course it's alright that you came. I am glad you did Jo March. Sucks being here all alone."

'Ohhh...yeah. That can happen." you lightly laughed. "Lee...are you alright?"

"Never better...now that you're here anyways....So...you came all the way here to check on me? Why?"

"I...I was worried about you when you didn't respond to my texts and call."

"You...texted and called? Shit...I am sorry. My phone...I broke it."

"So you already told me. Lee, what's going on?" You sat your purse down and walked over to him as you were worried he was going to fall.

His eyes looked you up and down and then he just gazed at you. His eyes were so glassy and his pupils dilated. He was definitely highly intoxicated, or just high....maybe both.

"My god, you...you are so beautiful it hurts."

Your lips slightly parted as a small gasp escaped them. How were you going to respond to that?

As you went to offer a simple thank you, the door opened and in walked Dr. Bloom.

@redeemer46

[motziedapul]

in response to this: https://www.tumblr.com/motziedapul/744447931159068672/hi-neil-sorry-to-bother-you-with-an-ask-you?source=share

How can we copy someone's writing style? (Genuinely asking)

You read a lot of their work and then try to write your own with their work fresh in your mind. I don't know if it's the same for everyone else, but often with great writers there are lines or word choices that tickle my brain a certain way and I try to use it in the future, or at least something similar to it.

I'm gonna use some of my older short stories as an example:

I tend to start stories the same way my favorite authors start stories: as though we're continuing a conversation,

She had her legs up on the desk when I walked into the room. Don’t know if I fell in love with her then, but she definitely made an impression.

Or with something immediately compelling/ intriguing/funny, something that gives pause.

No matter how many times Brinna blinked at the dim light of her screen, the words didn't make any more sense than they did five seconds ago.

“What time's Leanne coming in today?” she called, and Siobhan skipped sideways into the room in response, landing heavily between her mother's legs where she sat upright at the foot of her bed.

“Five o'clock, and she's in until ten o'clock, and then Uncle Sean and Uncle Byung-Chul are gonna take over and you can go do your dates and have sex and stuff,” Siobhan listed off, and Brinna startled at the last addition, blond brows jumping straight up her forehead.

“You are definitely too young to be talking about that,” she said, trying for chiding, but ending somewhere between embarrassed and long-suffering.

Depending on the style you're trying to emulate, you can be more contemporary (above) or more classic and fantastical (below)

The flames licked at his heels as he hurried along the dirt road, black charred wood crunching under his feet. The fire burned still, taking on the surrounding trees and the dry leaves of the rooftops, the yellow bamboo which made up the frames of every house from there to the end of the road. 

He clutched the small bundle, pressing it against his chest, looking left and right. He watched for steel heads and saw none, no demons or milky-fleshed figures who stood higher than two of him. For a moment, he thought himself safe. 

The moment passed when he heard the blast of gunpowder, and the tree before him was grazed by a tiny, arrowless strike.  

But in the end what matters is that you figuratively "hear" the author's voice. It's like when you're a toddler and you repeat the words people say to you to practice speaking. You roll their words and the little quirks of their writing around in your head.

The nice thing is that because you're not actually trying to copy them word for word, you end up with a voice that's not quite theirs.

A "failed impression" done long enough becomes your unique style, ESPECIALLY when you take from multiple writers rather than just one, as well as your own experience. And do it long enough and that voice becomes your voice.

We all write what we THINK someone should sound like, whether it's a high fantasy Tolkien-esque story or a modern slice of life, but good writers do it because they've heard or read someone enough times to convincingly pretend.

[sleptwithinthesun]

are these chicago au j/onathan b/yers snzcanons? absofuckinglutely

- doesn't sneeze in multiples often, but will have occasional strings? like, he'll sneeze and it'll just keep going for a bit without a break (i.e., the same way i've described his photic sneezing fits in the other snzcanon list). besides that, he usually just sneezes in singles.

- very quiet buildups. not quite perfectly silent, but the only time steve or nancy will actually notice them is if they're already paying attention to jonathan or if it disrupts their conversation.

- simply does not use his hands to stifle. what a king

- on the same note, his sneezes are stifled into silence. most often, they're the quietest part of his sneezes, which means the soft little buildup is louder than the actual sneeze

- still jerks his knee up when he sneezes and tends to lean into them a bit <3

- i don't know exactly how to phrase this, but jonathan will typically pull up the neck/collar of his shirt over his face and sneeze into it? steve + nancy both find it very endearing

- absolutely detests being sick, but since his financial situation is much more stable than it was in hawkins, he's a bit more willing to let steve and nancy fuss over him a bit

- runs a much lower temperature than most people, and usually hovers around a low ninety-six.

- gets really quiet when he's sick. like, more than usual.

- in part, it's because he's prone to losing his voice when he's sick, but he also just doesn't feel like talking all that much.

- pretty much any illness will be accompanied by a fever, and jonathan will get really hot really fast. nancy actually can't remember if there was a single time he was sick while they were in college and didn't end up hallucinating

- chicago pollen vaguely fucks him up. it's just something about the trees in spring and ragweed in autumn get to him, but he does get a little break over the summer, thankfully

- later on, after the au is slightly more established, there's going to be this one perfume that nancy owns that literally destroys him :)

- mint is good! any time he eats a mint he sneezes. its fun. neither steve or nancy remember to get non-minty toothpaste half the time and jonathan suffers lol

- very extremely photic. it can be as simple as turning on the lights in the morning, pretty much any sudden flash is enough to get him.

- the longer he's in the dark, the worse his reaction is

- is usually pretty embarrassed about his sneezes? jonathan obviously isn't the biggest fan of drawing attention to himself, and especially not in public, but he's usually okay when it's just him and his partners in their apartment

that is. all i have for now. if you have questions about the au PLEASE send asks i fucking love it and will definitely be writing a lot for it after my school year ends. another week until i'm out, followed by two weeks with my twin on a road trip, and then i'll be on here a ton :)

[nerdydowntherabbithole]

hey, still working on the fic btw (got some cool ideas about the environment around EF), but i just thought of an insane AU

so i am about to ramble to you now, not going to turn into fic(at least i dont think so, i'm not good at writing gun fights)

but basically, what if the iterators were powered by nuclear reactors? (or what if rain world was stalker/metro/last of us/mad max)

i call it...

The Radiation AU

to start, the iterators and their angst. back when the ancients were alive they kept the reactors nice and functional, but after they left? yeah they started falling apart. of course, they still need water for cooling and energy production (remember, nuclear reactors are basically glorified steam reactors) so the rains are still a factor, but uh oh! the disrepair caused the radiation to fill the systems, so now the rain is radioactive AND acidic!

anyway, the rot! pebbles still tried to kill himself, but not only he failed but the rot is rapidly mutating due to radiation exposure, coming in a full RAINBOW of suffering! all colors and shapes, some are small and fast, others shoot acid and so on! (ofc not all mutations are "good" some for example burn when exposed to UV light) they are basically different species from on another so not only they attack pebbles, they also attack each other!

anyway, so moon fell(got real thirsty) but her reactor is still """"""functional""""". so while it isn't really powering her anymore, it is pumping radiation directly into the landscape, creating a radioactive hellscape around her collapsed structure, a zone, if you will (wink wink, stalker moment)

anyway, fauna time. the lizards (and most creatures for that matter) are mutated abominations, sickly things covered in actual cancerous tumors, radioactive to the touch~!

anyway, scavs! so the scavengers are no longer silly. first, they are armed to the teeth, guns, grenades and everything else. second, they got the rad(iation) protection, instead of googly eyes, they have dark masks with dark lenses covering their face, making sounds of deep breathing as they go. now for how they live, the tolls are essentially outposts to stay alert for threats and protect their main colonies, basically, the outposts hunt for crafting materials, food, medicine and watch for threats, they move those supplies to treasuries(that also serve to supply the outposts themselves) and then all of that supply is taken to their actual settlements(which are underground btw). in this harsh world, clean medicine is very valuable, they also use the crafting supplies to make ammo and weapons for their outposts. very metro-esque aesthetic to them.(and a little bit of stalker in there)

anyway, scugs!(now their aesthetic is more of a mix between stalker, last of us and max max) first off, the masks. while the scavs (as mentioned before hand) use the classic old-school gas masks that have two lenses, the scugs tend to wear respirators with wide visors(like these:)

there is no practical reason for this, it's just neat.

anyway, the scugs also have the medicine problem, but while the scavs hang around ancient structures and use them to create the aforementioned supply chains, the scugs tend to just leave a location when the existing supplies run out, this also means they are not as well armed as the scavs. hence their migrations.

and FINALLY, our beloved scugs

lets start with gourmand. they are a dreamer, they dream of a sanctuary untouched by radiation, so they lead their colony into constant migrations. and every time they migrate, they lose more scugs, which leads us into...

survivor and monk, they were the most recent casualties. monk slipped because of the rain and survivor was quick to jump after, so they are now alone together, as survivor has no plans of taking them back to the colony. because: 1. they probably already left. and more importantly... 2. survivor is tired, tired of losing friends, tired of travelling harsh terrains, they just want to live in peace and take care of their sister like they promised their parents. so they stay, mainly around outskirts, less radiation. survivor is not the best caretaker and monk is young and naive(which sometimes lands them in unwanted situations) but they live the best they can.

arti time, arti backstory is mosly the same, but changes a bit so i'll detail. arti and her pups were starving, spent some time like that as well, so when they passed by a scav treasury, and smelled the scent of food, one of the pups decided to surprise their mother by following the scent and coming back with a big box full of food and medicine! but their mom wasnt happy, why was she not happy? ... the pup barely had enough time to turn around before they were cut down by bullets. arti grabbed the other pup and ran, they were almost there! they could make it! ... and then, just as she made an explosive jump... an grenade fired from a grenade launcher detonated next to them... and in an instant they were both ingulfed in a cloud of burning white phosphorus, causing her to drop her last pup into the murky, radioactive, leech filled depths. and causing her burn scars

(giving arti another paragraph) now? arti wants to destroy the scavengers, remember all of that about their supply lines they have? yeah arti is taking that down, they blow up treasuries filled with supplies and kill any scavenging parties they see. forcing the scavengers to get more desperate to attain supplies, leaving their main dens, where their young, old, sick and disabled stay, less and less defended. but she is not alone, they have a, somewhat unwilling, follower...

spear master time, or rather bolt master. they use their needles as ammo for their crossbow, not only that, but instead of a mouth they have a built-in organic filter in their face to protect them for the radiation. they were sent to pebbles after moon's collapse, a last ditch attempt to get pebbles to see reason, didn't work. pebbles not only ripped the pearl from spearmaster's chest, but they destroyed the filter in anger and tossed their body out of their chamber, having an inspector toss them into the top of their can.

luckily for the scug without a face, arti was there (yeah its another arti paragraph). you see, pebbles lets arti deal with their scav problem in the city, they dont actually try to live in the city in this one tho, its suicide. during the era of the ancients, the city was safely protected from the radiation by the ancients' maintenance and the iterators' quarantine, but now the ancients are gone and the iterators couldn't care less about their cities, so the are now filled with radiation. the scavs still go there to hunt supplies because its untouched by the rains, so there's way more intact stuff, but in order to do that they need way more protection. so the scavs that go here have way better gear, full body hazmats, closed masks with oxygen tanks, Kevlar plates and so on.

back to arti and spear, arti decides to save spear by first, covering most of their face with bandages to stop it from falling apart further, and putting spear into one of the aforementioned hazmat, oxygen tank and closed mask from one of the scavs she killed. after that spear sticks with arti, helping in her crusade. at first they sympathize with her suffering. but as time goes on? they watch as arti leaves scavs to bleed out on the floor and watch as she destroys their supplies, she laughs when they sob. so they get into arguments, but arti always reminds them how she can do this on her own, and if they dont like it then they should leave. but they cant leave, they dont want to stay alone, they cant stay alone. what if the wounds reopened? what if the oxigen tank broke? what if the oxygen tube or mask ruptured? what then? they need someone else to survive. they cant even go back to their creator... the oxygen tank wouldn't last the journey... at least they know their creator still watches them, they sometimes see the overseer...

now hunter time, hunter is fucked up yo. so basically, sig observed trough sneaky overseers that the rot could consume the mutants that roamed the wastes just fine. so they came up with hunter, a slugcat, but instead of a regular digestive system, they have the rot that does the digesting for them. they are one of the few non-irradiated creatures that is capable of feeding on flesh because of the rot, they are not on a timer btw, sig gave them busted radiation resistance so they could travel through moon's zone.

riv time, this all starts when another iterator(not from the local group) learns of what happened to moon, you know what i said about moon's reactor still "working"? yeah this is where that comes in, after doing the calculations the iterator realized that the winds would eventually carry the radiation halfway across the globe! then they noticed a curious lone aquatic slugcat near their structure, they had an idea... riv was given high radiation protection and high quality anti-radiation equipment. they were given one mission, shut down moon's reactor(btw this doesn't affect moon, she is too disconnected from the structure). riv aggres as a thank you for the equipment and modifications (done with riv's consent btw), after this they could travel pretty wherever they want with the mods and equipment

all of the scugs happen very close to eachother in the timeline of this AU, riv is the last one as they arrive right after hunter arrives to the region.

as for saint... they dont exist because i couldn't think of a way to make them fit.

thank you for reading my insane ramblings

I AM GOING TO FAKKING BITE YOU THIS IS ALL SUCH AN EPIC AWESOME CONCEPT YOU ARE SO EPIC FOR THIS WHAT. AAAHAAAIDHIEUHFEOUFHDUHEFUEHEUEFEFUEEHHE AUGH. HELP I AM STARING