#golden retriever leah vibes

[samkerrworshipper]

she’s on the run

beautiful girl series part 4 -> pt.1 -> pt.2 -> pt.3

leah williamson x daughter reader, jordan nobbs x daughter reader

this was created whilst i listened to so long, london and florida!!!!

You waited until Leah had fully descended the stairs, waiting patiently until you heard Lia and her talking in the kitchen before you started to creep off of your bed and towards your open window. It was a easy climb, one you’d made hundreds of times, you hardly batted an eyelid as you climbed out of the window, your legs swinging out and over until they hit the tiling of the roof. After that it was a simple jump from the roof too the gravel drive way, your only concern was trying to be as quiet as possible, so instead of jumping as normal, you stepped to the edge of the tiles, being ever so careful to make sure that you didn’t slip and fall. Once you got to the edge you sat down, scooting until your feet were hanging over the edge, turning onto your stomach and sliding down until your feet found one of the tresses on the side.

It was a odd form of rock climbing but with some arm strength and dodgy footing, you managed to eventually get your feet onto the gravel of your moms driveway.

You didn’t look backwards as you tiptoed across the driveway, the only think you focused on was turning your location off before starting to jog away from your mom’s house.

You didn’t know where you were going, you just knew that you needed to get far enough away that your moms friends who crowded all of the surrounding neighbourhoods couldn’t find you, you needed a way out of here.

You didn’t have a lot of options, and the options you did have were shitty, but there wasn’t really any others that would work.

You pulled your phone out of your pocket as you rounded the corner of the block, ducking into the first alleyway that you spotted.

There were a couple of numbers that were options, some better than others, you went with the first one that came to head.

The phone rings out for a few seconds, your fingers jitter against the sides of your plastic case, whether you feel prepared to admit it or not, you’re going through withdrawals, it’s around now that you’re body is accustomed to shooting up, to getting a hit of drugs and right now it’s becoming more obvious by the minute how desperate your body is for that high that your body is used to receiving.

Maya had become the older sister that you never had, she cared about you, she treated you with more care and love then anybody else in your life, there wasn’t really any hesitation in your mind as you pressed down on her contact, the ringing noise being the only thing to register in your mind.

It rang out for a while, before your phone went silent for a few seconds.

Originally, you thought that it had rung out, but then there was a groan and something else from the other side of the phone.

“Babygirl?”

You don’t know where the nickname had come from, but along the way it had just become the way that Maya had chosen to address you.

“Hey, I need your help, where are you?”

You heard some rustling, and then Maya’s voice.

“I’m still at Matt’s house, what’s happened?”

Fuck. Fuck.

Matt was a problem, but he was one of the only people who could solve your main problem right now, that was all that was at the forefront of your mind.

“Mom found out about the drugs, she took them off me. I’m crashing, can you come get me?”

More rustling, then someone talking in the background.

“Fuck, kid. I’m gonna come get you alright, we’ll get you to Matt’s house and he’ll look out for you, it’s gonna be okay, we’ll look after you, I always look out for my girls.”

More rustling, accompanied by more background talk.

“Just send me your location alright, I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

You nod your head, taking in the information and finding that your hands and body seem to relax with the knowledge that there is a resolution coming.

“Okay, okay, thank you, thank you, I love you.”

Maya’s like you, or at least you try to tell yourself that. She’s never had anyone who loved her, she’s all by herself. That’s what you tell yourself, that nobody’s ever loved you, that you’re all alone, she tells you the same. That nobody will love you like a good high, that your all alone, that you always will be. To start with, you thought it was all nonsense, that to her you were just a means of getting money, but after hearing it enough, after realising the truth behind her words, you thought it must be true, she was older than you, she’d seen more of the world than you had.

You stayed hunched over in the alleyway, ignoring the buzzing on your phone that meant your mother had realised you were gone. You felt a pang of compassion in your heart, just briefly. You didn’t want to worry her, you didn’t want to think about the anguish that would have crossed Leah’s face when she’d returned to your bedroom to find it empty, even worse if it was Jordan.

Consciously, you didn’t care, not really, all you cared about was the fucking high that you were missing out on. But the eight year old version of you, somewhere in the lowest pit of your heart felt horrifically bad.

It took fifteen minutes of you being hunched against a brick wall, hiding from the view of the street, shaking and shivering before you were hit with the light of headlights, coming from the end of the alleyway.

You stayed hidden, just in case it was your mother or somebody else, staying crouched down behind a bin.

“Babygirl, let’s go.”

You stood up properly, your body straightening out and beginning to walk towards the far to bright white lights.

You sat down in the passenger seat, closing the door behind you as swiftly as possible.

Maya captured you in a hug before you could do anything, her arms wrapping around your neck and torso.

“I’m so proud of you, you’re in good care, I’ll look out for you, me and Matt and the girls, you’re in good company.”

You nodded your head against her shoulder, slowly pulling yourself from her embrace.

Her pupils were dilated, your brain didn’t consider the danger behind her being high, more jealous that she was riding on a happy cloud that you were craving to be on.

The drive felt longer than it should have, your phone buzzed relentlessly the whole way there, it took everything in you not to look down and block the numbers that you knew were ringing, but you didn’t have it in you.

You didn’t like the feeling that hit your gut when you rolled up to the same house that you’d stumbled out of a couple nights ago, you loved Maya, you loved drugs, what you didn’t love was the overwhelming fear that you felt at having to face the same man who had done those horrible things to you days ago. Maya must have noticed, or seen something was up with you.

“Something wrong, darlin?”

She was 23, closer to your Mom’s age then yours, she cared about you.

“Matt, he didn’t want money for the drugs, he wanted something else.”

You expected, or you hoped that Maya would be shocked, but she wasn’t, not in the slightest.

“I think you’ll find babygirl that your body is the most powerful form of payment, men will do anything for a woman’s body, it’s good you learn that young. Matt provides a lot, drugs, care, a house, give him what he wants and he’ll treat you well.”

You stuttered on your words.

“W-what if I don’t want it?”

Maya put her hand on your cheek, squeezing firm enough to make it sting slightly.

“There is no such thing as not wanting it. We’re primal, we crave to be touched and wanted, he’s just teaching you that. It’s an eye for an eye. You get your high, he gets what he wants. It works out for everyone. He’s just trying to keep you safe, just trying to make you feel loved, it’s the only kind of love there is.”

In your core, in your brain, you know it’s untrue, Maya believes in what she’s saying though, or at least she appears to.

“Now c’mon, let’s get you upstairs, get you some artificial assistance.”

She pats you on the shoulder, before opening up the door on her side of the car and stepping out. You let go of the breath that you’d been holding in. Maya is like your big sister, she cares about you, she would never intentionally hurt you, she’s the only person who really gives a shit about you.

You open the car door without much more hesitation, having convinced yourself that she’s right, and more that once you shoot up that your brain will quiet down and all of your doubts will be silenced.

Maya leads you into the house, it’s a lot emptier than it was the other day, a lot less people sprinkled across all of the surfaces, instead there are a few girls and Matt, who’s right in the middle of all of them.

“Pretty girl, didn’t think I’d see you back so soon.”

He’s voice is drawling, slightly tilted.

You didn’t have anything to say that wouldn’t come off as rude, so you simply smiled at him, as well as you could considering the bile that was in your stomach just at the thought of the man in front of you.

“She got kicked out, needed some place to go, I told her there is always room for her here.”

Matt nodded and smiled, his hands were all over the women around him, you tried your hardest to keepy your eyes on his face and not the company he was keeping.

“Of course, I look out for my girls. You craving pretty girl? You need something?”

You nodded your head, hopefully, you were desperate, the emotional nature of what you’d just been through with your mother enough to be slowly pushing you towards the edge.

“Maya take her upstairs, the speed is in my bedside draw, I’ll be up in a bit.”

Maya smiled and nodded, grabbing you by the shoulder and pushing you towards the same stairs you’d stumbled down just a few days ago.

You tried not to feel completely daunted as you were tugged upstairs, your shaky legs carrying you the distance to the bedroom that you’d been in less than twenty for hours ago.

It was the same position, same place, same everything.

It was hard not to feel completely terrified.

Maya led you over to the bed, sitting you down whilst she rustled in the bedside table.

It was silent, calm, as peaceful as you could feel in your current situation, until your phone started buzzing again.

“Answer it, let them know you’re fine.”

You looked ay Maya like she was crazy, she sure seemed it.

“Excuse me?”

Maya looked up from her spot rustling through the drawer.

“They’ll leave you alone if you answer, let them know you’re fine and not dead in a ditch somewhere.”

You gulped, pulling your phone out of your pant pocket and looking at the flashing contact of your mom, your finger hesitating over the green button before clicking on it.

“Bubba? Bubba? Jord, she answered, I’ve got her.”

The exhale of relief that you heard leave your mom’s lips was one of pure happiness.

“Mom, please don’t ahte me, please don’t hate me.”

You could always deal with the thought or realisation that your mom didn’t love you, but having her hate you, it would do things to you that you couldn’t handle.

“Bubba where are you? I don’t hate you, I could never hate you, I love you so much bubba. Just let me know where you are, we’ll come get you, we’ll sort this out.”

Your mom sounded more desperate than you’d ever heard her.

“I’m okay mom, I’m okay, I’m safe.”

Another exhale of relief.

“Look bubba, all your aunties are out looking for you, me and Jord have been worried sick, just let me know where you are, please. I’m so worried about you bubba, look, just come home, we can figure out the drug stuff, me and mama will get you all the help you need, we’ll make it all better, just come home.”

It had been hardly two hours since you’d slipped out of your window, you didn’t want to know how stressed your mom would have gotten had it been six or twelve.

“Mom I know I did wrong, trust me, I know. But you want me to go to rehab, you want me to get better, and trust me I want it, but I can’t do it, please.”

You heard something being dropped and then a button being pressed.

“Chick, listen to me, your mom and I are worried sick, you need to come back home. We’ll sort it all out, we’ll get you the help you need, but you need to come home, just tell us where you are.”

The feeling of the rubber tourniquet being tied to your upper arm and a needle prodding at your vein distracted you slightly.

“Look mom, I’m in good company, I’m safe, I love you both but I can’t do rehab, I can’t do getting better, I’m not ready, I’m not strong enough for that, I’m not like you and mom, I can’t be strong and brave, I can’t tough it out when it gets hard. I just need you to love me from a distance and understand that I’m doing whats best for me.”

Maya looks on proudly, it feels like your saying things to appease her and that makes you feel good, the validation of having her smile at you and nod her head at you, it wasn’t love but it was something close, the closest you felt in a while.

“Bubba, listen to me. You are so strong, everything you’ve been through in your life, it’s nothing in comparison to this. You don’t need the drugs, you don’t. This isn’t you bubba.”

You think that deep down, Leah and Jordan have no idea who you are anymore. The injection into your bloodstream only solidifies those thoughts.

“This is me mom, this is who I am now. I was like you and jord’s perfect little child, your perfect girl but that’s not me anymore. I’m not the same kid, this is me.”

You swore you heard a sob, or sniffle from the other side of the line.

“Bubba, we’ll sort this out, just come back home, please.”

You shook your head, enjoying the feeling of your blood circulating the drugs that had just hit your system.

“I can’t do that mom’s, I love you, and I’m so grateful for you but I can’t come home, I just can’t mom, bye.”

Before either of them could reply to you, you pressed down on the hang up button, throwing your phone to the end of the bed and leaning back, letting the high begin to sink in.

The bed sunk down next to you, Maya’s arm snaking around your waist.

“Good job babygirl, I’m proud of you, you’ve got me, I’ll look out for you, I look out for all of my girls.”

If you were sane, you’d probably ask yourself the question of what kind of person looked out for their people by giving them drugs and subjecting them to sexual assault, but with the drugs running through your veins and the relief starting to hit your brain, you couldn’t find you in it to care.

“Feels good.”

Maya brought your head to her neck, it was warm, happy, nice.

“I know babygirl, feels so good doesn’t it?”

You nod your head, the bliss starting to really get to you, your whole body feeling the affects of it.

Everytime you get high you think it’ll last forever, that the overwhelming numb happiness will last permanently. Every time you shoot up, you think that maybe it’ll all get better, that the feeling you’ve been searching for, will finally set in. It doesn’t though.

You come to the conclusion that it must be a more pure solution, or more concentrated because it’s getting to your head a lot quicker than normal.

You don’t even notice when Matt slips into the room, too busy processing the overwhelming feeling of the drugs rushing through you. It’s good, it feels good, until the bed dips on the other side of you and a hand is on your waist.

Your body is too numb to try and fight back, even if you had the energy or will to, you doubt you’d be strong enough.

There are words being spoken around you, hands all over your body.

You can’t open your eyes, can’t even try to understand what is happening to you.

You bite down on your lip, as your pants are tugged down.

You dissasociate it, disassociate the hands on you, dissasociate the feeling of being violated, enjoy the fact that the mixture of the drugs in your system and pain coming from your lip manage to be enough to distract from the pain being inflicted on you.

It’s primal, it’s an eye for an eye, it’s a form of payment.

Some time during the process, you drift off, whether it’s from the drugs or pain you aren’t sure, you just know that the sweet mixture of the meth seems to be enough.

You wake up with an arm around you, your silently terrified to open your eyes and find out who, but you’re also in pain and a little bit too curious for your own good. You’re grateful that the hands are Maya’s, it’s a small win. Your head is still dazed, it feels good, but you’re itching for something, itching for more.

“Hey babygirl.”

It’s light outside, it has of been a couple of hours and based on the pain between your legs you don’t want to know what’s happened in the couple of hours you’ve been unconscious.

“You feeling a bit better?”

You nod your head, focusing in on the daze and not the itch across your body and the pain your experiencing.

“You’ve been such a good girl for Matt and I, doing exactly how we pleased, we’re so proud of you.”

It’s the kind of praise you’ve been searching for months. Growing up, for your mom’s, you’d always been the perfect child, a pathological people pleaser. You’d always been told you were independent, in the end though it had all just been loneliness. You grew up to quickly, from the moment you were in foster care, passed around like a piece of trash, there was no option but for you to be lonely. Then you moved in with Jordan and Leah, and they had each other, you were still alone. You didn’t allow for yourself to make mistakes, you had a chance with them, if you were anything less than perfect then how could they want you? You were a student, a star athlete, polite, a perfectionist to your core. You took on all of the burden during the breakup, you were there for both of your mom’s through it all, yet you were the one who was always at the brunt of their anger and discontent. You weren’t worthy of their love, not when the perfect child stopped being perfect because of the pressure, because of the self-hatred that had manifested inside of you since the first people to show you love had broken apart, leaving you empty on the inside.

You blamed yourself for a lot of it, Leah and Jordan had been fine before you, it was like as soon as you entered their life it was just a ticking time bomb, you wrecked everything, you were a semi truck that drove through people, pulled everyone and everything in it’s way a part.

Maya knew how it felt, she’d broken people a part, she knew what it felt like to be all alone, she’d taught you that it was okay, that it was okay to be lonely.

She cared about you, she understood you, she wanted you.

“More, need more.”

She looked into your eyes and you felt understood, like she knew exactly what you were going through and knew how to patch up and fix all of your problems.

“Alright babygirl, just give me a second and we’ll get you juiced up, huh? You deserve it, you’ve been such a perfect girl for us.”

Maya removed her body from yours, reaching over to the bedside table, rummaging through it the same way she did last night.

Your body was still vibrating with the endorphins, the dopamine was filling your head, replacing everything in you that felt dead and broken, it felt so good, it was the feeling that you craved, the reason that you’d given everything else up, because it made you feel more content and fulfilled then anything else.

You were scared of losing it, scared of losing touch with the feeling that you were relying on.

You craved her praise, craved the drugs, craved the nothingness that came from having everything around you turn into nothing, all of the feelings, all of the struggle, all the pain and suffering turned into dust.

It was what made your life worth living, without the high you didn’t think your life would even remotely worth living for, you had nothing, you had nobody, you were alone.

Maya was quicker with her mannerisms, she knew what she was doing.

You’d never seen her do needles before the last twenty four hours, but you also weren’t that shocked. She had the tracks along her arms, the attitude that seemed like she could. She was the one who’d introduced you to drugs, it had started with a bit of pot, then coke, then heroin, then any pill that you could find and eventually, speed.

You’d been tentative at first, speed was more addictive than any other drug, speed did bad things to a body, methamphetamines were a druggies worst enemy. You’d met cokeheads and some of the most addicted heroin junkies and yet plenty of them had told you that they would never touch meth, that it was too intoxicating.

Meth took control of a persons body, penetrated the system faster than most drugs, meth got into your head, it changed a person for the worse.

You wanted that though, you were seeking for that. You were seeking for something to take control of you, something to change you, something to change the way your brain was wired.

It felt so good, you’d never been into needles either, avoided them like they were the plague, but with the plastic tourniquet strapped onto your arm and the cold point of the needle pressing against your inner arm.

It was the best feeling in the world, the best feeling known to man.

You felt like you were on the peak of Mount Everest, like you were unstoppable.

It was the same feeling you’d once gotten from just being in a room with your moms, the same feeling you’d gotten after a good game of football, the same feeling you’d gotten out of getting a good mark back on a test.

A while ago, a time that you don’t like to think about anymore, it all came naturally. Your body did hunger for that kind of attention because it received it naturally, it didn’t have to worry about when the next burst of serotonin would come. You didn’t have to create your own sensation, like you do now, you didn’t have to put yourself on a constant calendar to keep yourself sane, to make sure that you stayed happy enough to stay alive.

You didn’t think about the fact that you’d shot up a couple of hours ago, that you’re body was only just now learning to absorb intravenous drugs, that you were more dosed up then you had been in your entire life and now you were adding gasoline to the fire inside of you, you didn’t care, all you wanted was for this feeling to keep lasting, for the pain in your stomach from everything that you knew had happened but couldn’t recollect to be numbed by the drugs that you were craving.

You felt alive when the needle pressed into your arm, it made you feel like you were unstoppable, enlightened, like nothing could stop you. It was a strak contrast to how you felt when you were sober, when you were sober, you felt like the weight of the world was resting on your shoulders, that you were responsible for all the people that were around you and if you failed them then you were no better than the little traumatised girl that had been handed to your moms all those years ago.

You tried to ignore the odd chest pain that set in as the drugs mixed in with your blood, or tried your very best at least, it was hard though, when the initial pain started to turn into a skin splitting sensation you tried your best to pay no mind to it.

It was odd, you figured it might be a new effect you were unearthing, needles gave a different high in comparison to your normal, it was understandable that their would be different effects.

For the first time though, in a long time, you weren’t overcome with the near overwhelming relief that normally flooded you, the pain in your chest was to strong, instead of your heart slowing, your pain subsiding and all the thoughts quieting down, it felt like you were going into overdrive, hyperaware of everything that resided inside of you. Your chest was hurting, your heart was beating at a abnormally fast pace and your brain hurt, like it was rattling around inside of your head, bruising the inside of your skull and cracking it into pieces as every second passed.

“Maya, maya.”

It was a croak, yourr eyes being forced open as you took sharp, short breaths.

“You’re okay babygirl, deep breaths, it’ll feel good any minute.”

Except it wasn’t feeling good and it was feeling worse as every second passed. Your skin was prickly, hot and red and burning all over, your heart felt like it was beating faster than it had ever before and everything about how you were feeling felt so inexplicably wrong.

“Not good, not good, not good.”

Maya’s hand was on your face, patting at you like you were a dog, like you were a pet to her.

“Ride it out, you’ve got it babygirl, it’ll pass.”

It wasn’t passing though, it wasn’t, nothing about how you felt was passing at all.

You could feel your control of your body start to fade, you didn’t understand how or why, you didn’t understand what was happening, you knew though that whatever this was, whatever you’d taken or been given, it wasn’t good. It felt like poison inside of you, slowly taking control of every thing inside of you, like something was eating you up from the inside, as every moment surpassed.

You wanted to think that it was going to be fine, that you were just experiencing some kind of heightened high from the buildup in your system, but there was something overwhelmingly odd and wrong about how you felt, it was real, realer than any drugs had made you feel.

Drugs were artificial, and they made you feel artificially happy, or numb, somewhere between those two. Drugs had never made you feel real and tangible, like you were more of a human than anybody else, but right now, you felt more personified then you ever had, like you were so synched with your body that it was too much, too much feelings, too much pain, to much of everything.

You struggled to get out anymore words, between the feeling of your heart beating the speed of light and your chest being too tight for any oxygen to enter your airway.

You supposed she got the message when your body started to shake, your eyes rolling into the back of your skull as your body struggled to cope.

You heard her scream, felt her pick up your body, in blinks of your eyes you made out the staircase, the entryway, Matt in your line of sight.

You get traded into his arms, arms that make you feel tense and uncomfortable, something your body seems to react to because the tremors or seizures, or whatever the fuck your experiecing only worsens.

You blink in and out of consciousness as you’re taken from the house, into the backseat of somebody’s car, Maya and Matt seated in the front, murmuring to each other as you violently shook in the backseat, your consciousness fading as your body became less connected to you.

You weren’t sure where you were going, where drug addicts thought it was a good idea to take a person fucked up out of their minds, you hoped it wasn’t back to your mothers, or rehab, you seriously doubted the latter considering that two addicts themselves were more likely to take you to a fucking graveyard instead of rehab.

You knew neither of them were talking to you, just talking between the two of them, you hoped they were getting you some kind of help, that the two of them would stick by you and find you some help, Maya loved you, Maya was the only person who cared, she would get you help, she would stop this feeling, she would fix it.

You couldn’t see, you couldn’t control your body, you couldn’t feel any sensations across your skin beside the burning created by the lack of oxygen being circulated throughout you. It was like the drugs were slowly infiltrating every part of you, that the veins which mapped out your body underneath your skin were being pumped full of the toxic substance that you’d been so desperate to fill yourself with.

It must have been a bad reaction, or something you’d taken was laced, probably with fentanyl or something that was mixing badly, fentanyl was renowned for being one of the worst things to combine with meth, opioids and stimulants were bad together, it was probably the two forms mixing together inside of you, creating a horrible chemical concoction of reactions inside of you.

You couldn’t keep yourself awake for most of the car ride, there were patches of consciousness, patches where your eyes would open just for them to close once again.

You were awake when the car stopped, not awake enough to catch a glimpse of where you’d stopped at but awake enough to hear the car engine turn still on. The passenger door opened, then footsteps, then the backseat door beside you opened.

Maya picked you up, or at least that’s who you thought had your arms around you, your eyes were forced shut so you didn’t have any confirmation.

A few steps were taken, fast ones, and then she was squatting like she intended to put you down, and then she did.

You didn’t know how or why or where, you just knew that it was cold, there was rain drizzling down on your face, your body was shaking more than ever and you could hear the footsteps getting further and further away from you, then the sound of a car door being opened and shut and the car pulling away.

You were in agony, there was no other way to put it.

You’d been abandoned before, it was nothing new for you, it only reinforced the idea that you were simply incapable of keeping people in your life, nobody wanted you long term, you weren’t made for long term love, you were like a toy to a child. Fun and entertaining for a short amount of time, before you were forgotten and then eventually, thrown away.

You passed out before you could think more about the toy comparison, cold, alone and forgotten.

[lee-isnotcool]

my marauders fancast 😍

regulus: timmy obviously, but also dorian from the mischief productions. their jegulus films have me in a chokehold and i will not elaborate

sirius: conan gray. a shaggy haired twink that makes poppy gay music and regularly puts up dramatic shitposts on his spam tiktok?? of course it's sirius!!!

remus: ethan. ethan fully introduced me to the marauders after i started following him in like 2021, and now i cannot see anyone else as our wolf boy. P4PERBACK SUPREMACY!!!

peter: kit connor. HEAR ME OUT- i feel like kit would actually have so much fun playing the villain after so much time as a golden retriever. he would do an excellent job, you can't even deny it.

james: taylor zakhar perez. our tall, sweet, hispanic boy. put a pair of glasses on him and he's literally james.

lily: anya taylor-joy. i can't quite explain it, but she has such a regal face that provides such a diamond-in-the-rough vibe that is so lily.

mary: leah sava jeffries. SHES SUCH A QUEEN UGHHHHHH and she totally embodies mary's sweetness as well as her humor (good-naturedly teasing aryan and walker by calling them dumb or something similar)

marlene: maya hawke. i will not be explaining myself further.

dorcas: corinna brown. she is so funny and confident and DROP DEAD GORGEOUS TOO- she's just so dorcas

barty: dallas liu. DALLAS IS SO FINE BRO- and we already know he can play a zesty badass villain (thank you live-action avatar)

evan: omar rudberg. omar is so ridiculously gorgeous, but as Simon in Young Royals he does it in a quiet way, and i feel like that matches up with evan perfectly

pandora: beabadoobee. she has such a fairycore whimsical vibe and it totally matches pandora's energy. plus, i've headcannoned panda as Filipino for so long-

[desiresiwant]

𝐒𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐀𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐘𝐨𝐮

( 𝐓𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 )

☆ 𝗔 𝗖𝗢𝗟𝗟𝗘𝗚𝗘-𝗦𝗘𝗧𝗧𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗧𝗪𝗜𝗟𝗜𝗚𝗛𝗧 𝗟𝗢𝗡𝗚𝗙𝗜𝗖 𝗔𝗕𝗢𝗨𝗧 : Seth Clearwater imprinting on Diamond Hicks (OC), having to follow her to Seattle where she attends University of Washington for track. While navigating around this newfound feeling to be the man his imprint needs, Seth struggles between his old self and the new. Diamond just isn’t ready for something serious, struggling with her promise to lay down her career first and these confusing feelings that always linger back to Seth.

☆ 𝗦𝗲𝘁𝗵 𝗖𝗹𝗲𝗮𝗿𝘄𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝗫 𝗕𝗹𝗮𝗰𝗸!𝗢𝗖

↳ disclaimer : because I recently discovered Booboo Stewart is a trump supporter, I decided to change the fc to D’Pharaoh Woon-A-Tai

☆ 𝗙𝗘𝗔𝗧𝗨𝗥𝗜𝗡𝗚: 𝐈nterracial Romance, College Setting, Aged-up Seth, Imprinting, Aged-up Renesmee In College, Duo POV, Golden Retriever Boyfriend X Black Cat Girlfriend, Friends To Lovers, Slow Burn (for now, might be medium burn), Slice Of Life, Fluff, Sweet Vibes, Falling In Love, Leah Clearwater Is Happily Married With Her Imprint & A Lesbian, More Original Quileute Characters, Shapeshifters Is Common With Women Too, Romance and Vibes, Eventually 𝑬xplicit Sexual Content, 𝙋𝙇𝙐𝙎 𝙈𝙊𝙍𝙀

(timeline : set after the movies/book series though how much time has passed…idk yet. Might leave ambiguous since it’s slight AU anyway. Also forgot what year the movies/books took place)

𝗥𝗔𝗧𝗜𝗡𝗚: Mature

↳ strong language, eventual explicit sexual content, usage of alcohol, mentions of anxiety & being stressed, complicated relationships, + more overall mature subjects not suited for younger audiences (may add more while writing)

☆ Semi Slow Updates

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𝗗𝗜𝗦𝗖𝗟𝗔𝗜𝗠𝗘𝗥:

— Although this longfic is purely fiction and may not be entirely accurate, the Quileute Tribe is not fiction. They are real people. A real tribe who’ve been exploited and never paid for the amount of exposure this series gave. You can learn more about their beautiful culture + more at their site HERE

— Also please consider checking out and bringing awareness to the missing and murdered indigenous women and girls in North America HERE

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Where Can You Read This?

— AO3 LINK

— And Here : Click HERE to be redirected to the Chapter Masterlist —>

(Not currently on wattpad yet. Exclusively here and ao3. But soon)

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[panlight]

With all the Wicked and Wizard of Oz stuff going around lately I was thinking about how every long-running TV show usually has a Wizard of Oz inspired episode (the first one that comes to mind for me in Scrubs, but I know others have done it). And then I was like, oh how would they do it for Twilight?

Bella's obviously Dorothy. Genuinely afraid they'd try to make Jacob Toto. Hopefully they'd be smarter and less racist than that. Could see a writers' room being like "werewolf, lion, basically the same, right?" but he might be a better fit for the Scarecrow, though? At least in the sense of early series happy go lucky Jacob, without a care in the world, the fun one, etc.

(Frankly they all could use more brains, but . . .)

Edward's the Tin Man, because he's frozen and has no heart as an evil undead vampire unworthy of love, sadface. And like, tin can be shiny??

Yeah, okay, let's go with Edward as the Tin Woodsman, Jacob as the Scarecrow, and Mike as the Cowardly Lion because he's the third suitor, such as it is, and that's how I think a TV show would go about it. I think you can get to "golden retriever school friend = lion" just as easily as werewolf and Jacob teased him for getting sick at that movie (although he was actually sick and not throwing up from the violence, still).

Feel like they would make Alice Glinda the Good. The question is who is the Wicked Witch? There are several "women who aren't super nice to Bella and thus are Bad" to choose from (Rosalie, Leah, Lauren, Jessica, Victoria, Jane, etc). Part of me thinks they pick Rosalie, and then instead of flying monkeys it's just her Monkey Man, Emmett. But I could also see Jessica or Lauren cast as the Wicked Witch, or even someone like Victoria or Jane.

And again this might not all be literal. It just might be inspired. Like the Scrubs episode, one doctor needs a heart for a transplant, a nurse tries to find the courage to commit to having children, another doctor needs the 'brains' to write and deliver a speech at a medical seminar that will be picked apart. It could be something like that where like Mike-as-Lion needs the courage to ask Jessica out or whatever.

I guess the other option is to not use the suitors at all, and just use the Cullen boys as the three companions? I think Edward's still the Tin Man, but I'm torn about how to sort Jasper and Emmett. Gut says Emmett is the Scarecrow but Jasper's whole vibe is not Cowardly Lion at all. Then again, he's described as the barely contained violence of an angry lion, so the lion can work thematically in THAT sense? Alice still Glinda, Rosalie still the Wicked Witch. Carlisle as the Wizard??

Thoughts? How would you imagine an "inspired by the Wizard of Oz" episode of a Twilight show to go? SURELY someone has done this in fanfic, anyone know of any examples?

[bbeeew]

sdv teir list [/j]

my rating for every bachelor/bachelorette in sdv in whatever order I decide

Alex

8/10, despite giving off that homophobic sporty guy vibe he's actually nice and I think he would be a good candidate

Haley

7/10, respect her and those who enjoy her as a character, but I don't really like her. But that's more personal preference

Harvey

11/10, the DISRESPECT this man gets is insane. For what, for why. He's honestly a 9/10 but he gets bonus points for how dogged on he is for no reason.

Maru

8/10, ignored and undervalued. A hidden Jem more people need to talk about

Sebastian

7/10, the gamer boy thing is cute, the smoking and hating parents thing is a little eh, bonus points for frogs.

Emily

6/10 if she is straight, 8/10 if she's a lesbian. Her character doesn't have a lot besides crystal girlie and being straight makes her bland. Mad respect of she's a lesbian tho

Sam

9/10, his hair may be nasty, but the golden retriever energy can make up for that. Also you get to pick the kind of songs he writes, which is sweet.

Abigail

8/10, eating rocks is cool, kinda leans into that I hate my father area but it works well towards the end of her arc.

Shane

12/10, I'm being biased but once again WITH THE SHADE BEING THROWN AT HIM. He's still a loving father/husband and does try his hardest regardless of wether you stay platonically with him or not. (Side note: he doesn't get worse after marriage, I better not see this brought up in the comments of a happy post)

Leah

9/10, lesbian queen, not much else to say. Very few downsides to her both in dialog and as an individual.

Elliot

7/10, kinda gives that over romantic mom book vibe, but I can get behind it. Kind, charismatic, loses 2 points for disliking pizza tho

Penny

10/10, extra point for the shade as well. For a character so sweet and kind and struggling with so much you really gotta be doing her dirty. She's giving the kids an education and that's great. Hope she is doing well.

Notice how none of them are below a 6/10

That was intentional, all have their values and all appeal to different people. And rating them through the "this is my idea of them and not how they are in the game" glasses isnt fair.

[sashiavi]

Have you seen those mods that turn SDV Leah into a fox girl/Abigail into a cat and stuff? All the townsfolk (or just the date-able ones) being hybrids would be so cute and funnn like we have puppy Sam, bull Alex,black cat seb etc

hybrid farmer taking their golden retriever farm pet for a walk and gets dragged over to sam and that's how they first meet

Gah yesss I remember seeing them around- I never had them downloaded because I always had the Seasonal Villager Outfits Mod <//3

But you're so rightttt

The first week on the farm had been all too busy, tilling the old sandy dirt day in and day out to plant crops, whacking tree debris and stones out of the way to make a barebone path through the property. Not to mention, the fluffy golden retriever pup the nice lady from the Ranch had dropped off at your farm. Covered in mud, twigs and fleas, you swore it took your whole day just to scrub the poor thing clean.

With that in the forefront of your mind, the last thing you were concerned about was making an impression upon the town. So when you finally shuck on some clothes that weren't stained green with grass and clip on your new Pups harness you were ready to face the music.

The early morning breeze urged your feet to move, up past the bus stop and into the towns entrance. Your dog was keen to sniff around, pulling against the harness with some resistance. Until it suddenly bounded ahead, yanking you along as it barked and drooled, eventually toppling over a poor man standing by a tree.

Before you could profusely apologize you find the person scritching and scratching your playful puppy, taking all the slobbery licks and kisses your dog has to offer. It's soon you realise that the man has his own set of bouncy, golden ears, and a happy tail wagging along with your dog's.

And den dey wuv eachother >v>

I can just imagine the others too </3

Alex making a drop by the farm for his Granny, passing out her famous homemade cookies as a favour for her. He spots a neat fence keeping in a small heard of cattle with you inside, patting the spotted fur of the cows and setting down a metal pail to collect their milk.

For some reason, he can't help but be jealous. Tail whipping side to side, brow scrunching ever so slightly. Why can't he get pats on his head too? He's barely any different to them.

Ugh jealous Alex my beloved <//3 I just know he'd take it out on you with his cock ;>

Or grumpy Kitty Sebastian, slinking around you in the dark outside his house, making an attempt to avoid you as you walk home from the mine. He even withholds from hitting his cigarette lest the orange glow give him away. Something about watching you in the dark sparks something hot in his chest..

Grumpy kitty Sebby who's a little jealous you're taking up all of Sam's attention at the tavern every Friday night (at least that's what he tells himsel, we all know he really wants you hehehe)

Hnnhg mmmgg Shane ahhhgnngn hnng *drooling*

I really don't know what he would be <//3 Grumpy Wolf lmao

Why does Harvey give me mouse vibes I'm so sorry- (I need to peg him he's submissive and breedable)

[meowzfordayz]

Hey!!!! I saw you on my dash and did a little scroll down through your blog, congrats on making progress through your to-do list!

1) saw that you're playing Stardew Valley, i was OBSESSED with Stardew for the longest, even dragged my boyfriend into it 😂 I have so many different farmers it's not even funny, bc even with rabbit's feet i feel awful about hurting their little pixelly hearts by dating multiple romanceables at once lol. I've married Shane, Penny, Alex, Harvey, and Sebastian iirc. I actually divorced seb to marry harvey 🫣 But I've gone through everyone's heart events except for Elliott and Maru. (maybe emily too but i like. vaguely remember her 8 heart event. same for sam) Fave bachelor is a tossup between Alex and Harvey, fave bachelorette is a tossup between Penny and Leah. I just love that game so much 😩

2) how's your knee doing? saw someone else as about it, glad to hear it's getting better. didn't get to scroll back far enough to see what happened to it 😭 buuuuut good to hear recovery is going well!!!

That's it really, been working on my screentime again so I haven't been on tumblr a lot lately (tiktok is my main time sink. 24 hrs in one week is just. SO MUCH.) I hope life's been treating you well!! my life is still hectic as always (my son has been sick on and off for the past 2 months, and my mother in law is causing TONS of drama. but my ankle is getting better! i can stand for like 2-4 hrs without pain!).

Hope you have a wonderful day/night!!

Courtney !!!!! 😭😍 M’always happy when you pop up in my notifs. 🥺💞

I eventually want to have one of each type of farm, but am fixated on my OG farm atm; I’ve barely even touched Ginger Island! 😆 I’ve enjoyed getting to know/romancing all of the villagers, but gravitate toward (in alphabetical order) Abigail, Elliott, Haley, Harvey, Sam, and Sebastian the most. ☺️ My irl bf’s def more of an Alex/Sam combo tho (golden retriever vibes). 😅💘

I sprained my knee a couple weeks ago. 🥴 It’s healed pretty well for basic movement, but I can’t rock climb on it super hard yet (can’t put much downforce into/onto it). 🥲

I’m proud of you for managing your screen time! 😁 I don’t do such a great job at that myself. 🙃 Sending you and your son get-well-soon vibes 💝 (yay for progress + less pain 🥳), and your MIL fuck-off-soon vibes. 🫢

M’off to sleep ~imminently (hopefully); may we both sleep well and sweet! ⭐️🌙

[voxtek-enterprises]

Hey! Do you know of any other introjects in your system that share source with you?

Ah, I’m afraid I’m the only one of my kind here. A small system, just five of us, each with our own unique perspectives and roles. Myself, of course; Mia, who’s bright and… well, little; Leah, who brings a steady, maternal energy; Alec, who’s got a laid-back, big-brother vibe with a very specific flair for the flamboyant… golden retriever energy, as Vex likes to put it. And then there’s Vex.

But yes, as of now, I’m the sole introject among us—no other Hazbin faces around. I suppose that makes me… one of a kind here? A rarity, if you will.

[bookishmayhem]

Watching twilight because I needed to be able to sleep after watching criminal minds late into the night and here are some of my take aways

-charlie swan is too good for this world. Bella doesn't deserve him

-Say is Bella. Say it. caused me to laugh so much more than I thought I would

-that blue filter is stupid and unnecessary

-jacob deserved better

-leah deserved better

-Rosalie The Queen deserved sooooo much better

-Edward wtf is wrong with you

-Bella wtaf is wrong with you

-Sam is a golden retriever

-ew cringe is half of what goes through my mind

-Bella has terrible name picking abilities

-the sound effects make me want to throw up

-i cannot do justice to how much I hate the sounds and screams that they use

-pregnant Bella is so grotesque and honestly props to the film crew for doing that its so awful

-i hope they didn't use an actual baby because that would be horrifying

-why didn't they immediately put in the venom those idiots obviously she was dying

-those are some weak ass chest compressions

-yeah wtf pedo Jacob is not the vibes

-sickly Bella doll will probably appear in my nightmares

-why is her wedding ring consistently on her right hand?

-

[samkerrworshipper]

your moms are here

leah williamson x reader, jordan nobbs x reader, (wobbs as coparents)

part 5 of beautiful girl series pt.1 -> pt.2 -> pt.3 -> pt.4

warnings: if your any bit emotionally unstable this isn’t for u x

You didn’t expect to wake up, let alone wake up warm and in a fraction of the amount of pain you’d been in the last time you’d been conscious enough to feel anything.

Your eyes were still crammed shut, your chest still hurt, your body was still shaking, but you felt better, less like you were dangling on the cliff of life and death, you weren’t sure where you were, or if you were even alive.

Was this they greater beyond?

Was it the warmth of death’s embrace?

You knew it wasn’t, because there was still the dull pain and the tension all over your body. You didn’t believe that life after death was anything, that it was actually some overwhelming cloud of happiness and perfection, but if it did exist, if there was some kind of heaven, this wasn’t it.

You thought about the places you could be, in bed at Matt’s house, in bed at your mom’s house, in bed at some kidnappers house, in bed at rehab.

You quickly eliminated each option, the bed and sheets weren’t the same from your bed or Matt’s, kidnappers didn’t normally concern themselves with comfortability, and in your mind rehab would have more detoxing, screaming, junkies.

Out of pure fear, you tried to crack your eyes open, it wasn’t easy, but with some concentration that made your forehead feel like it was being split open, you managed to slowly crack your right eye open. There was sleep and tears keeping your eyelashes stuck together, which made it far harder then it should have been, the blinding white light directly above your head wasn’t much help either.

You took back what you thought, everything hurt.

From your toenails to the follicles on top of your head, it felt like every single nerve in your body was being plucked and split in half.

Your whole body curled itself up into a ball, it made the shaking a little bit less like your body was being exorcised.

You realised very quickly as your eye became accustomed to the light around you that you were in the last place you possibly wanted to be.

You should have clocked on to it, based on the persistent beeping noise coming from above you and the cords that were connected to your arm.

They’d dropped you off out the front of a fucking hospital.

Or someone had found you and called a ambulance.

Or your moms had taken you to the hospital.

Or you were in some sick twisted dream.

With the rest of the energy that was left in your body you managed to crack open your other eye, it wasn’t easy, but it helped you feel more aware of your surroundings.

It was a surprisingly quiet hospital, or at least by your standards.

You tried to sit up, but it was no use, your body was completely spent, all of the energy felt like it had been completely pulled from your body.

Withdrawals, maybe.

Or the reaction of the opioid with the stimulant.

Those were your best guesses as to how you’d ended up feeling like death.

You didn’t have to wait long to find out, the curtain which was keeping you contained from the rest of the ER was opened up, a nurse waltzing her way over to your bedside.

You couldn’t help but feel a little bit vulnerable, you could hardly move your body and had a lot less control over it then you would have liked.

“Miss dump and run awakens.”

Dump and run.

You couldn’t decide whether or not you were mad with your friends, on one hand, it was smart of them to drop you off at an er. They had no medical knowledge, they were druggies, they didn’t need a dead body on their hands. On the other hand, they’d left you, deserted you, left you for dead.

The nurse moved to your IV and monitor, looking at the different flashing numbers and writing them down on her clipboard, before she looked down and addressed you properly.

“Had a lot of drugs in your system for such a wee thing like yourself. Your friends were smart to drop you here, you would have been as good as dead with that much meth in your system for any longer. I’ve seen a lot of overdoses in my day, you might just take the cake though, darlin’.”

Overdose?

A fucking overdose?

You’d been doing drugs for months now, meth, a smidge of coke, little bits of molly and LSD, a little sprinkle of heroin, opioids a couple of times, plenty of weed. Not once had you ever overdosed, you’d never seen someone overdose, you’d come to think it was urban myth.

You’d hardly taken anything, two shoot ups within a couple of hours of each other, it wasn’t something you’d done before but it also wasn’t exorbitant or something you hadn’t seen other people do.

“Sorry, an overdose?”

You were still shaking, it was less obvious underneath the shitty hospital blanket that was on top of you, but you were still shaking like a leaf in the wind.

“Yup, think you had more meth in your blood stream then blood. The saline should flush it all out until your guardians get here.”

Guardians?

What?

What the actual fuck was this nightmare that you were stuck in.

“Sorry, my guardians?”

The nurse looked back down at her clipboard.

“Ms Williamson and Ms Nobbs? We’re obligated to call emergency contacts in life threatening circumstances and those were the ones that were on your phone, they should be here soon enough.”

You didn’t care that you couldn’t moved, you needed to leave.

“I want to discharge, now.”

The nurse looked at you like you had gone silly, like you were in a psychiatric ward instead of the emergency one.

“You’re underage, and you’d have to sign a waiver saying that you are aware you’re going against doctors orders, a lot of paperwork, and you’d actually have to be strong enough to walk out of here, which I can promise you is not happening any time soon,”

The nurse pointed to the IV bag.

“There’s still another hour or so left on this, until it’s done that dizzines your experiencing and the weakness isn’t going to pass. You’re frighteningly dehydrated and full of methamphetamines.”

Fuck.

You were so fucking fucked.

“Please, I’ll sign whatever forms, just let me leave, please.”

You didn’t know how you planned to leave, considering you weren’t even mobile enough to roll onto your back to look at the nurse properly, eye to eye.

“You get up and walk to my desk where the papers are and you can leave, how’s that sound, sweetheart?”

You want to yell directly into her face and tell her to let you fucking leave. But you don’t, you have a inch of self-respect that prevents you from doing it.

“Please.”

You’ve never liked to beg, you did enough of it during your youth, begging for your mom to not leave you home alone every night, begging for things to get better, begging for your life to get better, and it had. Jordan and Leah had introduced you to a whole new world, a beautiful world, the kind of world you’d read about as a child, they’d given you anything and everything you’d wanted growing up. You’d become gracious, but promised yourself that you’d never beg in the same way that you always had, but when your life had been turned upside down, you’d reverted back to your old ways.

“I have a daughter of my own, y’know, around your age. If she was in your situation all I would care about is her being okay, that’s whats most important.”

You rolled your eyes, you were certain of one things, your moms would be mad, you were surprised they were coming at all, everyone had deserted you, it felt like you had nobody.

“Can i get something for the pain?”

You were intelligent enough to know that the iv was detoxing you at a rapid rate, whilst it was saving your life, it also meant that you were going to be sent into withdrawals a lot faster then you should have. You weren’t going to get your hands on meth, clearly. So you needed a substitute, luckily, you were currently sitting in a hospital which was filled with every single painkiller known to man.

“Good try honey, a part from the fact that your bloodstream and body couldn’t even handle a tylenol at the minute, I’m also not going to give an addict drugs, just hang in honey, the chest pain and muscle cramps should start to pass soon.”

Just as she was finishing, your eyes darted to the emergency room doors, which were now hanging open as your two moms and Lia walked through the doors.

Jordan was dressed in the same sweats she’d been in all morning, her face was red and puffy, eyes bloodshot and still full of tears.

Leah looked more put together, she had a pair of slacks on and a clean shirt, her eyes were as red as Jordan’s but she appeared to have put on more of a brave face.

Your eyes darted everywhere, looking for some kind of escape, or to stop their fast steps that were slowly getting closer to you with every millisecond that passed.

There was no hope for you.

If the drugs hadn’t killed you then your moms would.

Leah managed to cross into your makeshift room first, her eyes flashing across every inch of your body. You expected her to ask the nurse a question, or yell at you, but she didn’t.

She walked straight to your bedside, your nurse moving out of the way, and without you being aware of what was happening, wrapped her arms around your body.

You didn’t hug your moms a lot anymore.

In the start, when you’d started out with them, it had taken a lot of effort from them to make you trust them with that kind of contact, but eventually, you’d become reliant on their hugs, the shoulder pats, the little motherly touches here and there that you’d never gotten as a kid.

When they’d broken up, the hugs and contact had faded, similarly to the love in the house, it was like everything personal, everything that made Leah’s house a home had been drained.

“You’re okay, thank god you’re okay.”

Leah’s body lingered on your own body long enough for Jordan’s arms to wrap around your body on the other side of you.

You hadn’t been hugged by the both of them in over a year, you felt guilty for wishing that this wouldn’t be a one time thing, that you could have this whenever you wanted. That wasn’t your life though, it wasn’t your reality, it wasn’t reality.

You let yourself relax, you knew you’d regret it when the moment ended, it’d make it that much harder to realise you couldn’t have this, but you let yourself enjoy it whilst you had it.

It lasted longer than you’d thought, it was hard, Jordan hugs were addictive. You didn’t get them a lot anymore, occasionally you’d get a hug from Leah, once every blue moon when she wanted one, but it wasn’t like this. It wasn’t body on body, feelings on feelings, love on love.

You didn’t know if you knew what love felt like anymore, over the years it had been distorted, you were certain that love could only be given to a person in transaction. It’s why you’d tried to be perfect, the perfect kid, the perfect student, the perfect player. You’d given up when Jordan had left, it didn’t matter anymore, there wasn’t enough love to be shared around between you and Leah. Love to you, was a privilege, not something that everyone had extra of. You had to earn love, or at keast that;s how you’d always seen it. You’d never been good enough for your own parents, that’s how you’d ended up with Jordan and Leah, from them you’d always craved that love, the love you’d never gotten and you’d been willing to do anything for it, you still were.

“We love you so much chicky, so much.”

You enjoyed the little murmurs, the little whispers in your ears that were so heartfelt and meaningful that you could feel the tears of your moms dripping down each side of your neck.

All good things come to and end, but it didn’t make it any easier.

Leah, unsurprisingly was the first to turn to your nurse.

“They didn’t tell me anything on the phone, just that we needed to come here, she’s okay?”

Your nurse nodded at your mom.

“Yes ma’am, we’re flushing her out right now. She wants to discharge herself, it’s going against medical advice but she’s free to once she’d done with her iv and she’s regained some strength.”

Jordan sat down on the bed next to you, leaving a big enough gap of space that you could still feel her presence but weren’t pressed up against her, she was listening just intently as Leah to the nurse.

“Flushing her out? Of what?”

Fuck.

You’d never ever, in your life, known Leah to not be inquisitive, she needed and wanted answers to everything, but this was worrying you. There were things you kept a secret for a reason.

“Methamphetamines, she had a pretty high amount circulating in her body. I can get the doctor to come and talk to you about it. Her body had built up a decent tolerance, she took it a lot better than you or I would. Apart from that she’s in fairly good condition, although the doctor did have some concerns about some scratches and bruises that seemed consistent with domestic or sexual abuse.”

You watched, in a series of moments, your mothers face fall more and more as the nurse kept speaking. Leah was pretty good at having a poker face, she had to for her job, she also kept a brave face for life though. You’d hardly seen a break in her resolve since her injury but right now, she was keeping nothing hidden. You felt Jordan’s body go rigid behind you as well, you knew shit was about to get real.

You considered strangling yourself with the blanket on top of you, or drowning yourself in the toilet bowl in the adjacent bathroom. It sounded better than the conversation that was about to occur.

“You’re daughter is very lucky, stupid, but lucky. Her friends ditched her at the front door, if they had of been any later she’d be in far worse condition. She was here just quick enough for us to counteract the drugs and stop them from effecting her mental cognition. Her friends shouldn’t have ditched her, or let her get that far gone, but you should be grateful they were at least smart enough to take her somewhere she could get help. I’m going to go find the doctor, he can talk to you about different option you have, and I’ll leave you guys to talk for a little bit, okay?”

Leah nodded, dumbfoundedly, trying her best to smile at the nurse as she made her way towards the exit of your room, closing the curtains and then the door.

Leah pivoted as soon as she was gone, looking down at you with so much horror and pain that you could feel it in your gut.

“Meth, bubba? You’ve been doing meth?”

The sentence hung in the air for a few seconds, filling up all of the space, you hoped that after a couple of seconds that it would disappear, like it had never been said.

“It’s not a big deal.”

You should have chosen your words more precisely, but you were finding it hard to think with all of the drug haze clouding your head.

“Not a big deal? You told me it was the vape, then it was weed, then it was coke and now iut’s fucking meth? There is nothing not big about that bubba. This isn’t just something you can do for fun, this isn’t okay, this is serious. You could die from this. You almost did. You’re 17. 17 year olds aren’t supposed to die. Why bubba? What made you want to do this, not just to yourself but to your life, to everyone. Do you know how scared your mother and I have been. The whole team has been calling up hospitals and roaming the streets looking for you. We’ve been terrified.”

Guilt was one of the best ways to make a person admit they were wrong, you knew it, you’d watched your moms manipulate each other during the break up the same way. They’d use something against the other until it spiralled into a massive fight which would end with someone sleeping at a teammates house or on the couch.

“I’m sorry, okay? Can we just go home? I want to go home.”

Another poor choice in words apparently by the look on Leah’s face.

“No we can’t just go home, we need to talk about this bubba, you overdosed on meth. You have a tolerance for it, which means you’ve been using it for a while. You have bruises and you’re in a hospital bed unable to move. You’re addicted to a drug that I would have thought you’d have absolutely no interest in. You’ve got a disease bubba, you’ve got an addiction and we’re going to work it out, we’ll fix it.”

Similar to being a control freak, Leah was also a person who wanted to fix everything. No problem was big enough for her, apparently your whole life wasn’t either.

“Mom this isn’t a disease, this isn’t like fucking cancer or something. I made a choice, I have it under control, this is my life. I’m choosing to live it this way.”

Your mom looks like she’s about to lose her shit.

“I understand that you think you have this under control and that you think this is the best way to be living your life but it fucking isn’t. I understand you’re struggling, but this isn’t okay, you’re a kid, you can;t be doing this.”

Worst thing you can tell a addict, you can’t take drugs.

Because yes you most certainly can, it’s a free motherfucking country.

“I understand what I’m doing, it doesn’t make me a bad person or any different from your or mama. You don’t like who i am anymore, not since i quit football and stopped being who you wanted me to be, I’ve changed and you have to accept that, this is me mom, this is who I am.”

Leah looked flabbergasted.

“You want me to just nod my head and accept my daughter is a junkie, right? That’s the permission you are seeking, you aren’t going to get it bubba, this isn’t anywhere near okay. This isn’t you, people change, I change, you’re allowed to be different then how you were a couple of years ago. Drugs isn’t how you change yourself, it’s not how you reinvent yourself. You can’t live your whole fucking life like this because guess what, you’ll end up dead. Addiction is a degenerative disease, it is incurable, it is deadly, it’s no fucking different from cancer and you’ve got it. I understand that, you’ve got an addiction, we’ll figure it out. I am not going to enable you to keep abusing a substance that will kill you. You’ve got a death wish and I won’t sit by and allow it to happen. I thought I was cool, I thought it was good of me to be accepting that you’re a teenager and you were going to do stupud stuff, I let you get away with much more than I should have. I’m sorry, I’m sorry that if I gave you to much space that you felt the need to do this, I’m sorry that I wasn’t a good enough parent to see the warning signs, but I won’t let you kill yourself bubba, not when I can stop it from happening.”

Jordan was still silent, as passive as ever, she’d always taken a backseat, the silent enabler.

“You’ve got no fucking idea what I’m going through, I’m sorry I scared you, but I don’t have to explain my actions to you, you understand nothing about what I’m dealing with.”

The first time you sweared in the presence of Leah and Jordan was your second day with them. You didn’t even know what swearing was, you’d just picked up words that had been said as you’d been growing up. You hadn’t hesitated to throw a ‘fuck’ out when you’d stubbed your foot on the kitchen bench as you’d been pouring yourself a glass of water.

You’d known something was wrong though when you’d turned around to sit back down at the table with Leah and Jordan and both of them looked like they’d seen a ghost.

You’d hardly swore after that, to your core, you were a people pleaser, you didn’t like to be in trouble, right now though it was like everything you’d grown up with was exiting your body. You felt like a monster, like a version of yourself you didn’t know and it was hard, it was really fucking hard. You didn’t want to break down, you were scared that if you were vulnerable you’d be taken advantage of again, the same way that you friends had, so you put up your won shields.

“I don’t need to know what you’re going through to know that this isn’t good. We’ll get you into rehab, we’ll get you clean, we’re here for you, right Jords?”

You could feel Jordan nodding from behind you.

“I’m not going to rehab, fuck no.”

Leah was pacing, it was what she did when she was stressed, it was a clear tell.

“So, I’m just supposed to allow you back into my house, knowing that you’ve been hiding an addiction from me for months, trust that my drug addicted child will stay clean on her own account and be willing to go through withdrawals and not give in to her own addiction. Do you think I don’t love you, is that it? Because right now you’re telling me that I am expected to allow my daughter to use drugs, lethal drugs that almsot killed her, under my roof, allow you to live your life as you want it, and leave you alone. As a person who loves you and has loved your for the past 9 years of your life, are you actually hearing what you are saying?”

Love.

It was a curious thing, your mother thought she loved you, or at least she felt like she did. Ut was funny how to you, you felt the exact opposite way.

“So what you’re doing this to show me you love me or something? Reality check, you haven’t given a fucking shit about me in months, it’s all about Lia, all about your knee. I’m not selfish enough to expect that you can focus on me whilst your recovering but don’t try and act like you’ve been loving and caring about me this whole time when you haven’t.”

Leah sits herself down, she can only handle so long on her feet nowadays.

“Maybe you should coem stay with me, come to rehab in Birmingham. Bubba, your mom is still struggling.”

You’re more than shocked to hear Jordan pipe up, it reignites something else in you.

“No you don’t get to have a fucking say. You left me, you don’t text anymore, you don’t call. I’m only your kid when it’s convenient for you, which is about 10 days every year. You don’t even try with me, you washed your hands of me a year ago and you don’t get to come back now. You gave me up.”

Your sick of being the understanding one, sick of being the one everybody could burden with their problems, sick of being the fucking scapegoat in every situation.

“Look kid, i think you need to have some more respect for your mothers.”

Lia.

Fucking Lia and her audacity and her fucking butting into all of your family problems.

“No you don’t get a fucking say, you move in a couple of months ago to support my mom and all of a sudden your my third fucking parent. You’ve got nothing to do with me, You don’t get to have a say in anything, you aren’t apart of this fucking family.”

Leah looked like she was having about 30 wars with herself inside of her head, like she was struggling to figure out which side of her brain she should side with.

“Bubba, we’ve talked about this, you need to be respectful to Lia.”

You were sick of everybody telling you that you had to respect people, that you had to follow fucking rules. They wondered why you’d spiralled.

“No, fuck this, fuck you, fuck jordan, fuck everything. I made a series of decisions, ones that I am happy with, this is how I am living my life.”

Leah took a deep breath, before turning to face you.

It was hard looking at her eye to eye, you were putting her through a lot right now, and a part of you deep down felt bad about it. You didn’t want to make your mom feel in pain, you didn’t want her to suffer, it was the last thing you wanted. Without her, you’d be as good as nothing, you’d have absolutely nothing. But you were lashing out, you were as frantic as your sore chest and pumping heart would let you be.

“Bubba. You don’t seen what’s wrong. I do, Jordan and I are sitting here talking to a girl that we don’t know. This isn’t our daughter, this isn’t the girl we’ve raised. You’re going to go to rehab, you’re going to detox, you’re going to get properly clean and once you are we’ll have this conversation again, see if you have a different perspective.”

You didn’t want to have this conversation when you were clean, you wanted to have it now.

“No. If you gave a shit about me, like you’re acting to, you wouldn’t have fucking broken up in the first place. You wouldn’t have torn my life apart, you wouldn’t have done this to me. You wouldn’t have stopped cring about me, you wouldn’t have stopped loving me. Let me go, let me leave. You fucking did this to me and if you want to make it up to me you’ll let me leave.”

You saw Leah’s face fall to another level.

“I can’t do that bubba.”

You felt like you were spinning out of control, like you were in a car that had just fallen over a cliff, and you were slowly doing flip after flip as the car catapulted towards the rocks at the bottom.

“Mom, just let me leave, let me go, please mom, let me leave, let me fucking leave.”

Leah just shook her head at you.

“Bubba, I know it doesn’t feel like it right now, it might not ever. I know me and your mom breaking up was hard for you, you didn’t deserve that, and I’m sorry for that, but neither of us could handle keeping you in a household without love, and I know it’s different now, I’m so sorry for that, I wish we could go back. But we can’t, me and your mom don’t love each other more, we can’t just love each other. We love you though, we love you more then anything else. We would both pick you above anybody in the world, you’re our beautiful little girl, you’re our girl. You’ll never not be our daughter. We chose you years ago and we would choose you again today, everyday, for the rest of our lives. No matter what you do.”

There are big tears dripping down your moms face, you’ve seen her cry plenty in your life, Leah Williamson is known to be an emotional person, but not like this, not with this much anguish and pain in her face, never like this.

“You don’t love me, you can’t fucking love me, I’m not like either of you. I break people apart, I’m a catalyst, everywhere I go, I tear people a part, I wreck their lives. I wrecked my parents, I wrecked you guys relationship, I wrecked my own life. I’m a fucking semi-truck that bulldozes through peoples lives, just let me leave and you guys can be happy again.”

Leah takes a double take, her fists are white from how hard they are holding onto the arms of the chair she’s sat in. You’re surprised she doesn’t yell back at you, but instead of meeting your aggression with an equal amount, she composes herself.

“Bubba, do you know how much I love you, how much your mama and I love you? If you could take all of the words in the english language, it still wouldn’t be enough to describe how much we love you. And if you could gather all of those words together, it still wouldn’t be enough. What we feel for you is everything. I love you more than everything. You don’t pull people a part, you’ve made your mama and I happier than we ever would have been without you. You light up our lives everyday, I know it doesn’t feel like it, but just seeing you everyday is my biggest achievement, it’s the best part of my day. Seeing you grow up to be the person Jord and I raised will forever be the best part of my life. You didn’t tear us apart, if anything you were what kept us together for so long, because being around you made us both so happy, that all of our problems didn’t matter as much. Eventually it was too much though, it had nothing to do with you, it never will, it never did. You’re the light in our life, you are our whole universe. We just want you to be okay, you don’t have to be who you were, people change, but you need to be okay. You’re not okay right now, there isn’t anything wrong with that, it’s okay to not be okay, but me and your mama will find you help if you don’t seek it our yourself. You need to go to rehab, you can’t live your life like this, it isn’t sustainable. Drugs ruin peoples lives. I don’t need to throw stats at you for you to understand the magnitude of drug related deaths, because that’s how this will end, with you dead. You’ve been through so much bubba, you’re so strong, but you don’t always have to be strong, you’re allowed to break down, you’re allowed to have bad days. But drugs isn’t a way to fix that, it’s not a safe coping mechanism, you can’t rely on drugs to solve every problem that you have. You need to get clean. We love you so much, our beautiful girl.”

Everything hurts, your heart, your head, your body. Your eyes and head aren’t clear, it’s like there is a fuzzy haze covering everything, but you believe what Leah is telling you, she’s telling you the honest truth, and you can’t deny that.

[updownlately]

Good choices, basic but solid. What about personality wise? I share a lot of your favourites actually

oooh okay that's hard.

is it bad that leah's still #1? she's so cheekily confident its kinda endearing 😅

again in no particular order:

cooney-cross - she just radiates hyper kid energy and i vibe with it and would love to see more content of it! (the vid with harper had me in tears)

russo - she just radiates golden retriever puppy energy, and like how can you not love that?

walti - there's this smooth, cool, calm, collected aspect of her personality that i just love!

my mind's gone blank now but im sure there's other people. ill probably add em on once my brain starts working again 😅

you?

[celestial-bastard]

you asked for it

what the character you have as ur display pic says about you

✨twilight edition✨

bella : you’re pretty chill, quite grounded, not abrasive or offensive in anyway, probably short and a virgo, probably quite an activist too

edward : emo master 3000, romantic sometimes to a fault, oh boy do u have some underlying angst, you live off of tension and romanticize forbidden love OR you just obsess over that One Time™️ he wore sunglasses

rosalie : you’re probably really sweet but i am so fucking intimidated by you, ik that most rose stans are sluts for her but u literally take on her initial standoffish hotness with her as ur pic idk how but it’s true (capricorn/scorpio energy)

emmett : THE MOST CHAOTIC PERSON, wholesome but stupid, super fucking funny, just effortless and never ending humour, the backbone of the twilight memes (fire sign energy x1000000)

jasper : you’re a ✨whore✨ and all you want in life is to ride that vampire cowboy into the sunset (and i admire u for it)

alice : you cutie patootie!!! Cinnamon Roll™️, the absolute sweetest with a secret love for mischief, luv u bb

carlisle : daddy kink, doctor kink and vampire kink in one person, how horny can you be?! OR you really admire/look up to kind people in positions of authority

esme : you love LOVE! you admire kindness in people and try your damndest to spread as much love and light as you possibly can, deffo the type to look after their friends if they get poorly and/or give baked goods as gifts

charlie : daddy kink, got a thing for facial hair too, u rlly appreciate father figures and u think that he should’ve got more attention in the story ((but if ur a bootlicker i’ll beat ur ass))

jacob : either ur like 9 years old or you’re hella pissed about how smeyer wrote him after new moon (rightfully so, she’s an ass) and u want to right the wrongs however u can

billy : dad! friend! u wear oversized sweaters with funky patterns on them and say ‘you’re the bomb’ waaayyyy too much, ur personality reminds me of a fatherly chuckle

leah : YOU ARE A KIND SOUL DOING GODS WORK BETTER THAN HE EVER COULD. ur fighting for what is right, intersectional feminist, u love women and always do what u can to empower them (pls marry me)

embry : you want to see positive representation! you love boys and are definitely the carefree, ‘whatever will be, will be’ type and make the best out of any situation OR you really admire that quality in others

victoria : femme fatale!! SO hot, u love women ESPECIALLY ‘evil’ or powerful ones!!, probably into choking, i’m seeing a lot of black clothing and classic red lipstick, ur personality is this emoji 😈

mike : memes memes memes memes. u appreciate lighthearted comedy & root for underdogs. or maybe u just rlly like golden retrievers

seth : literal ray of SUNSHINE, everything is yellow, ur probably quite creative, good hugs, big heart, absolute softie

maria : in personality u lie somewhere between leah and victoria, you’ve got a thing for powerful woman and fight for intersectionality in every way u can, ur hot as hell and super intimidating (not as much as rose stans tho)

aro (or any of the others in the volturi) : CHAOTIC funny but for evil, u like drama and causing a fuss (or like seeing other people doing so), i’m getting a pyromaniac vibe, u probably rlly like castles and/or are a history major

and if you have a combination of characters : you are DESPERATE to have whatever the characters share together (for example; the hale twins = their badass mutual murderous tendencies, eddy&bella = their love, etc)

OR

what they as people could provide you if you were to know them personally (jake&bella = good friendship, carlisle&esme = parental figures)

[gaytransbimbo]

which of the girls would be dog people, which would be cat people, which would love both, which would hate both

omg yes! thank you for this !!!!

okay so: obviously martha loves both. toni is a dog person one of those who kiss their dogs on the mouth. leah is a cat person but she also should get a service dog imo. nora is a cat person she likes to read with a cat on her lap. shelby is a big golden retriever lover i dont make the rules. rachel doesn’t care to take care of pets she is too busy. fatin is totally a cat person there is no way she would get up to walk the dog and cats look more elegant. i see dot as a dog person but she would vibe with cats too

[navigatrixloves]

I'd love to hear more about your original writing! I see you tag things about your OCs and they sound like really interesting characters!! 😄

 ohoohooo you’ve just opened the biggest can of worms you can imagine

okay so this started out nearly a year ago as my attempt to come up with a main character whose strengths are primarily more “feminine” traits- like, much as I love a badass, cutthroat, take-no-shit heroine, I always felt like that sort of fell into the trap of “strong female character = female character who is strong by masculine standards”. so I wanted to come up with a character who’s kind and empathetic, who loves recklessly and would probably lose a fistfight because she just doesn’t want to hurt anyone like that, but all of those are good things- basically, instead of a “soft character is hardened by the cruel world” arc, I wanted it to be “soft character learns that emotional vulnerability is a strength, and continues to be soft”.

other Things I Wanted To Write About are: boys being emotionally open, female characters whose defining life moments are unrelated to men/romance, found family, open communication in relationships, a female character in the “loveable goofball” archetype, a coed college soccer team, chaotic bisexuals in love, and dark forces/cryptids/monsters.

SO one thing led to another and we got Leah Phaidros: ENFP/2w3, volunteer EMT, soccer midfielder, smart but a terrible student, fiercely loving and fiercely stubborn golden-retriever-in-human-form who would do anything for her friends. about a year before the story begins, she had a traumatic accident/near-death experience that caused long-term nerve damage in her left arm. Leah’s learning how to deal with the fallout from that trauma and the ways that almost dying has changed her perspective.

Her best friend/eventual love interest is Adrian Mendez: ENTP/3w4, son of an internationally famous soccer player. he’s affable and sociable, the sort of person who can talk himself into or out of almost any situation. he’s also dealing with the shadow of his mother’s soccer career- he wants to succeed on his own merits, not because of who he’s related to, so he’s determined to prove he deserves everything he’s given. organized, whip-smart, diplomatic and loyal.

the other characters are less developed, mostly bc there are a lot of them, but the other two main players are:

Seth (INFP, 4w5) is basically the combined personalities of every art student I know- head in the clouds, imaginative, a hopelessly idealistic foil to Leah’s more pragmatic worldview. he’s Leah’s best friend and Adrian’s roommate.

Sophie (INTJ, 8w9) is a tiny, angry lesbian who can take down someone twice her size. She looks like tinkerbell, she swears like a sailor, she’s abrasive and rude and she’s one of Leah’s favorite people.

the vibe I’m going for is Dark Athletica, an aesthetic that I made up which has lived in my head rent-free for the past 6 months. basically: a soccer team with a dark secret, dark figures lurking on the way home from practice, secret frat parties with speakeasy vibes. (here’s my moodboard for it- cw for blood and bruising) the team’s from a school in massachusetts, and their mascot/name is The Renegades, which is why I tag anything related to these guys as #renegades!

I’m putting drawings of these guys under the cut bc this post is getting long, but yes I have a LOT of content related to this story and I am always down to talk about it!!

Leah:

Adrian:

Seth:

(apologies for the hair, it doesn’t look great! I’ve got to work on that)

Sophie:

[kiara-carrera]

all pre relationship questions alongside 2, 3, and 8 from the general questions for leah and jj for the ship questions

god i love them so much also obx season 2 spoilers below possibly

pre-relationship

1. how did they first meet?

okay so technically, they've known each since like kindergarten, maybe earlier. like the thompsons and maybanks are as local as you can get tbh and so they've always sorta known each other, but they didn't become friends until the third grade (after john b and jj became friends — i have my own canon for how the pogues became friends because kie saying she's been friends with them since kinder just does not add up for me anyways)

2. what was their first impression of each other?

leah pretty much thought jj was a dumbass and like,,,the kinda problem child but you know he was funny? leah was kind of a goody two shoes as a kid up until john b and jj so jj was pretty much like "operation make you more fun to be around"

3. did any of their friends or family want them to get together?

i mean, there's no pogue on pogue macking, but i think all of them sorta knew there was something going on, even if leah and jj didn't realize it, so when the slowburn really starts cooking in s2, they're happy ngl.

4. who felt romantic feelings first?

okay, so this is honestly where i struggle because i've changed the timing of leah and jj at least 80 times and everything shifts at least once a month. but honestly at the end of the day i think it's honestly one of those situations where they've always been in each others lives and it was subconsciously there but they pushed it down (leah because she wasn't gonna fuck shit up and jj because he's very much like the door's locked i'm not good enough etc etc) but yknow,,,stay tuned for whatever the fuck i do i guess ... really, it's jj that gets me because i'm like,,,no fucking clue what's going on with him re: leah. like honestly someone help i hate planning things like this i don't know how to portray shit.

5. did either of them try to resist their feelings?

yup yup yup, just a whole lot of going "nope not addressing that emotion fuck off feelings you're not real." also lowkey feel like jj at least once was just like,,,hooking up with someone just to like forget about whatever emotion was going through him about leah he was like nope nope. like this kid's entire mantra is deny deny deny like he probably lets his mind wander every once in a while and goes NOPE.

7. if you had told one of them that the other would be their soulmate, what would they think?

i think it'd be a lot of laughing it off and being like yeah right okay, or being like yeah platonic soulmates sure because it's denial city 24/7 over here pals.

8. what would their lives be like if they had never met?

in a word, shitty.

general

2. did they have an official first date? if so, what was it like?

in canon, not so far. however, in my perfect little headcanon world where the gold and shit isn't a thing, they either go out on the pogue into the marsh and just like go swimming and chill and have drinks or they go surfing/swimming at the beach.

3. what was their first kiss like?

okay, so they're gonna have their first kiss in season two during the hot tub party thing. it's after kie and pope skeddadle and after the emotional john b sees the tree thing but before rafe and barry crash. basically leah ends up going inside to get some water or something idk and she ends up sitting on the counter and jj follows after her as per usual because he's a golden retriever with her sometimes and they're like,,,kinda buzzed but not drunk but they're talking about how happy they are because you know john b is home and shit and jj jokes that he could be happier and she's like you're ridiculous what could possibly make today better and it's tense and there's vibes and basically goes as follows after their faces keep getting closer and shit

leah, very nervous because she's kinda come to terms with her feels and has no idea where jj stands: ...this could be a really stupid idea

jj, honestly kinda living in the moment (at least, that's how leah interprets it): i mean it's like i always say — stupid ideas have good outcomes all the time.

8. who gets jealous easier?

honestly jj but i also feel like it depends. like in some instances, he'll just laugh in the other person's face and be like keep walking buddy, but i also feel like sometimes he probably gets into his own head insecurity wise (listen i am convinced there are many moments where he does not feel good enough for her because that 100% is just the kinda person he is).

[theconservativebrief]

3 Musketeers recently announced its first new flavor in six years. It is called “Birthday Cake,” and according to the press release, it features “vanilla-flavored nougat and colorful sprinkles covered in rich milk chocolate.”

This certainly sounds cake-inspired, in that some cakes are vanilla and some vanilla cakes have sprinkles. I agree; I, too, have partaken in such cakes. I have also eaten chocolate cakes, though, that I believed were birthday cakes, and red velvet birthday cakes, and once a rum cake that was also in commemoration of aging.

Is there a type of cake that is for birthdays? Have I been doing birthdays wrong? When did we decide that “birthday cake” had a distinct flavor somehow different than “graduation cake” or “bat mitzvah cake”?

The list of products designed to taste like birthday cake is long. In 2012, for example, Oreo introduced a limited edition birthday cake Oreo to celebrate the brand’s 100th birthday. The Huffington Post described them as having a “strong vanilla aroma” and tasting like “someone slathered an Oreo with vanilla frosting out of a can.” (This is praise.) Like the 3 Musketeers, it featured “flecks of rainbow sprinkles.”

A year later, USA Today reported at least 17 “birthday-cake flavored new products” had recently hit the market, including, but not limited to, Good Humor birthday cake bars, and party cake Peeps. 2014 saw the coming of the short-lived birthday cake M&M, which was billed, cryptically, as “delicious milk chocolate infused with birthday cake flavor.”

As time marches on, birthday cake has continued to proliferate: Airheads, the candy shaped like a slap bracelet, released a birthday cake flavor in celebration of itself in 2016. “Your mouth just pools with saliva the second you bite into this thing,” one poet-reviewer wrote of the experience, “but at least it’s cake-flavored saliva.” That year, the New York Times announced the coming of the “Funfetti Explosion.” Funfetti, to be clear, is basically the same as most interpretations of birthday cake: yellow base, with mixed-in rainbow sprinkles.

Now there are birthday cake Red Vines, which are counterintuitive, in that they are not red (technically they are twistettes), and birthday cake Auntie Anne’s pretzels, which are surprising, because they are pretzels. According to Nielsen, the flavor “birthday cake” has seen sales increase “more than 29 percent since 2017.”

“The Birthday Cake flavor is vanilla cake and sprinkles mixed in,” offers a representative for Halo Top, which makes a birthday flavored frozen dessert. “The flavor profile is basically the texture of eating vanilla cake batter with sprinkles!”

“I think it means box-mix or grocery store yellow cake that tastes mostly like butter, egg yolks, sugar, and lots of artificial vanilla extract,” says Kristen Miglore, creative director at Food52, and author of Genius Desserts. The colorful sprinkles don’t really do anything in terms of flavor, but they “really drive home the birthday vibes visually.”

Annette Warrell-Jones, marketing manager at the Warrell Corporation, a candy manufacturer, which is, at this very moment, working on a “natural birthday cake-flavored” cotton candy, agrees that, in her estimation, the flavor of birthday cake is essentially vanilla batter. Everyone agrees on this: Birthday cake is vanilla. Birthday cake has sprinkles.

I want to know when we all decided this, but nobody will tell me. It is just the natural order of the universe. It is what a birthday is.

“Our mission is to spread small moments of joy with our fans and this latest flavor brings that celebratory feeling to the everyday,” the 3 Musketeers press release patiently explains. It occurs to me at this point that it would be difficult for 3 Musketeers to release a chocolate birthday cake bar, since 3 Musketeers bars are chocolate already. It occurs to me “yellowcake” is also a form of concentrated uranium.

Leah Morrow, executive pastry chef of the Williamsburg Hotel and Brooklyn Bread Lab, suggests the tyranny of yellow cake with sprinkles stems from our collective longing for lost youth. “It is nostalgic to see something cream colored with flecks of color, like a vanilla cake with vanilla icing and sprinkles,” she says. It is not that birthday cake even has to remind you of your childhood in particular, but just a childhood. The concept of childhood.

“It’s a children’s flavor, and children celebrate birthdays with a gusto,” suggests Warrell-Jones. Birthday cake, as a flavor, is the simplest kind of birthday cake, cheerfully uncomplicated, the primary colors of cake. Birthday cake is basic, and it is pretty, and in an ironic twist of anti-aging, it reminds us all of when we were basic and pretty, too.

“I believe that a birthday cake is a cake made specifically for who’s birthday it is!” Morrow tells me. But as we have learned by now, birthday cake (cake) and birthday cake (flavor) are not the same.

Birthday cake is part of a shared mythology. It is the default all-American cake, just like the golden retriever is the default all-American dog. Unlike yellowcake it has no war baggage; unlike wedding cake it comes with no responsibilities. It is gleefully unsophisticated. That’s the point.

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Original Source -> The weird hegemony of “birthday cake” flavor

via The Conservative Brief