#this is a gift for one of my oldest friends whom I love very much

[natalia-lafourcade]

My Palestinian Sunbird + Jaffa Orange tote bag is finally finished!

[adamnablelittledevil]

Reacting to The Vampire Lestat - Part VI (with maybe big spoilers and quotes?)

Part 1

First chapter without Armand since his first introduction. I'm in my grieving era, leave me alone.

"And as we said our farewells, I believed that Nicolas and the little coven had every chance for survival and that Armand and I were friends." Why does this sound like a 'five minutes before disaster' situation? (If you say "that's because it is", I'm blocking you... shhhh)

It's like Anne didn't even bother to be subtle about it lmao.

"Nowhere did I meet a vampire who was in any way a magnetic creature, a being of great wisdom or special accomplishment, an unusual being in whom the Dark Gift had worked any perceivable alchemy that was of interest to me. Armand was a dark god compared to these beings. And so was Gabrielle and so was I." Armand mention! I'm gonna collect these like Pokemon while I wait for princess to come back (let's hope nothing bad happens when he returns :) <3 /hj).

"In the main it is Our Oldest Friend [Armand, obviously] who is relied upon to restrain him. And that he does with the most caustic threats." What I'm getting is that book!Armand and show!Lestat went to the school of Latin American mothers. Btw, the "Armand, obviously" made me laugh because it was so informal, it's like I was getting notes from Lestat himself and not reading an official book? Not to mention it was so unnecessary because it's clear that's Armand lol. But thank you, Lestat, for clarifying that I guess.

"I cannot say that we do not love him. For your sake we would care for him even if we did not. But we do love him. And Our Oldest Friend, in particular, bears him great affection." The show and even fandom gave me a totally different idea about Armand and Nicki? I didn't imagine Armand would ever care about Nicki in the slightest.

"As for Our Oldest Friend, I wonder if you would know him now. He has built a great manse at the foot of your tower, and there he lives among books and pictures very like a scholarly gentleman with little care for the real world. Each night, however, he arrives at the door of the theater in his black carriage. And he watches from his own curtained box." There you go my little neurodivergent princess with low social battery. We are the same.

I can't believe Eleni pulled a "Lestat, come back home, the children miss you!" lmao.

"And when I wasn't out roaming, I was traveling the realm of the books that had belonged to Gabrielle so exclusively all through those dreary mortal years at home." I'm so happy he can read and drown himself in books now. <3 Not being able to do it before left such a big impact in his life and it's great that he loves books as much as he thought he would. I think music, theater and literature are his biggest interests. I don't know if he has a favorite, but those are definitely his passions.

There's such a contrast between Lestat and Gabrielle because he was the one that got to go out there, hunt, kill wolves and have 'adventures', while she was at home reading. But he'd rather read those books and even as chaotic and adventurous as Lestat is, he's more disciplined and laid-back than her? And once Gabrielle is a vampire she's like "I'M DONE WITH BOOKS I'M GOING TO THE WILD I'M GONNA CLIMB MOUNTAINS AND SLEEP ON THE GROUND AND JUMP FROM HILLS AND LIVE AMONG ANIMALS AND EXPLORE THE WORLD" lmao. But I guess I'm with Lestat there, I'm way more inclined to arts than nature and adventure.

"Before we even got to Italy, I knew enough Latin to be studying the classics, and I made a library in the old Venetian palazzo I haunted, often reading the whole night long." Yeah you go baby learn how to read by accident and expand that knowledge to new languages now <3

"The truth was, I didn't want to forget them. I never stopped writing to Roger for news of my family. I wrote to him more often than I wrote to Eleni at the theater. I'd sent for portraits of my nieces and nephews. I sent presents back to France from every place in which I stopped." No matter what Lestat says, he is still a child that cares about his relatives even after everything, that deep down wanted a simple happy family life, that wants to keep his humanity, still has a conscience and cares about God. Many of his conflicts stem from that tbh. Just some Catholic village boy really.

"I do not know why I go on. I do not search for truth. I do not believe in it. I hope for no ancient secrets from you, whatever they may be. But I believe in something. Maybe simply in the beauty of the world through which I wander or in the will to live itself. This gift was given to me too early. It was given for no good reason. And already at the age of thirty mortal years, I have some understanding as to why so many of our kind have wasted it, given it up. Yet I continue. And I search for you." Not him mayhaps getting borderline suicidal that soon...

FFS, FORGET MARIUS! He cannot help you, stop putting your hopes on him, you don't know the guy! Babygirl, what you need is THERAPY!

I don't want to read the name Marius anymore btw. Maybe that will change when he shows up, but like this? No, thank you very much, but NOPE!

"For all my complaints about loneliness, I was used to it all. And there were new cities as there were new victims, new languages, and new music to hear. No matter what my pain, I fixed my mind on a new destination." Sometimes being right is not fun at all.

"It seemed no matter where I was that Armand and Nicki were both with me." I can partially relate.

I'm confused, did Nicki's hands grow back like Gabrielle's hair?

"'Oh, I'm monster enough to understand it,' I said. 'Do you remember what you told me years ago, before we ever left home? You said it the very day that he came up the mountain with the merchants to give me the red cloak. You said that his father was so angry with him for his violin playing that he was threatening to break his hands. Do you think we find our destiny somehow, no matter what happens? I mean, do you think that even as immortals we follow some path that was already marked for us when we were alive?'" One of my favorite pieces of the writing. Just deep and gorgeous. Also, Lestat still a Catholic boy after all this time with this reasoning.

However, I was expecting his death to be WAY MORE DRAMATIC and not this "told in a letter" thing? I was imagining the whole plot to be devastating, actually... And it wasn't? Maybe because Nicki was so mad since the beginning and didn't get enough book time, but I could never grow to care about him that much... I hope the show does a better job with it.

"Maybe people had to be dead six thousand years for her to love them." Ouch.

Second time that I think I'm having a completely different take compared to many people or even the whole fandom lmao. Noice.

Part 2

"'I can't and you know it,' I said. 'I can't do it any more than you can stay with me.' All the way back to Cairo, I thought on it, what had come to me in those painful moments. What I had known but not said as we stood before the Colossi of Memnon in the sand. She was already lost to me! She had been for years. I had known it when I came down the stairs from the room in which I grieved for Nicki and I had seen her waiting for me. It had all been said in one form or another in the crypt beneath the tower years ago. She could not give me what I wanted of her. There was nothing I could do to make her what she would not be. And the truly terrible part was this: she really didn't want anything of me! She was asking me to come because she felt the obligation to do so. Pity, sadness-maybe those were also reasons. But what she really wanted was to be free." This is sad, but I also think this is very human, relatable, realistic, well-written and a great conflict to explore on the show.

I do think Gabrielle genuinely wanted to stay with him, that wasn't pity or obligation, but they just want different things. She loves him, but they love different kinds of life and that's the problem.

The plot twist that is not that much of a plot twist because it's predictable (but still good) with Lestat's family...

If somebody was meant to be spared couldn't they just make one of his brothers decent and keep him and the children alive?

Btw, we don't even know much about his family. I know he had parents, three bothers that lived into adulthood and nieces and nephews. But the book only acknowledged Gabrielle, his father and Augustin. Maybe one of the brothers wasn't really that bad and was forced to do that stuff. Idk.

Anyways, it doesn't matter now...

His dream omg???

Kind of weird, kind of messed-up, kind of sad.

The fact that he's still going back to his father, omg...

I feel bad for him. I also feel bad for him because that probably won't solve anything and just hurt him more. I don't see his father changing.

Lestat and Gabrielle's goodbye was so well-written. One of the best moments of the book.

If I'm to give my full opinion on the incest, it would have to be on a separate post just about that. But in short, at first I thought it had some logic that worked in a book like this, but it wasn't necessary and the show could go fine without it... Now I believe it might be necessary to explore Lestat and even Gabrielle as individuals.

Like, the relationship isn't cute, sexy or fun like some people make it seem. At least not for me. But I do think it is a sign of their inner struggles and that it might be a necessary discomfort for us to fully understand them?

I don't know. I don't have a conclusion yet. Still thinking about it. But I trust Rolin to adapt the book properly and not just be controversial for the sake of it and trivializing this look some fans do.

I do hope that the times Lestat and Gabrielle hug it will be JUST HUGS. Those moments were so great and the kisses left me like... WHY RUIN IT LIKE THAT? I can and would rather live without it, tbh.

Okay, so Marius is here.

Marius is a blonde? Wasn't expecting that. I don't know who to fancast as him.

Not really found of blondes except for a feeeeeeew exceptions. Anyway, I'll wait for the revelation to come to me, I guess.

If anybody wants to share their fancast, I'm willing to listen. Maybe it will help me picture him too lol.

Last chapter, here we go.

[milesducemdominus]

ANONYMOUS ASKED; Gush about the people you love, their characters and why. You can be specific if you want to, or you don't have to. Or a mix if both. It's up to you.

OOC: It's probably a good place to start in saying that I absolutely adore everyone I follow, for all variety of reasons. You're all wonderful and I absolutely adore seeing each and every one of you on my dash - even those whom I don't (yet-!) interact with on any of my idiots.

Below the cut is just a few words towards those I know a little better, may have interacted with more; a little spreading of love and appreciation <3 Love you all-!

@surpassing-limits || I just wanted to say how much I really adore you! How talented and skilled you are in your writing, how your development of muses is just so wonderful I can't help but love all of them. I adore everything we've written together and I look forward to more interactions in the future! Ily precious!!

@rothalion || PRECIOUS! I really don't think there are enough words for my adoration for you and all of your muses. Ro and Cy were my first FFXIV ship and I can't even explain how much I absolutely adore them; their development, their complexities, their issues, their growth - - - everything we've spoke abut and planned; I love and cherish all of it - - for all of our muses <3 ! You are a talented individual and ily precious!

@kolak-magiya || Have I ever told you about how much I absolutely adore both you and your muses? Because I do-! They're so well developed and loveable, they're relatable and wonderful; the softness Melody shows to Auri is naught short of addicting and I absolutely get so so excited every time I receive a reply - it makes my day, truly! Ily, so very much!

@azure-seadragon || I absolutely love you and your gaggle of misfit muses! I adore each and every interaction in which we have and look forward to reading all of the replies we share! You have such a diverse group and each and every one of them are so well put together, developed- I can't get enough of them! Ily endlessly!! And look forward to the future and interactions brewed between our idiots! <3

@ritterblood || CURRY. CURRY MY ANGEL, MY PRECIOUS. I love you, always. Our interactions have always bought be so much joy and I look forward to reading each and every one - your skill in writing your characters is sensational and I really do appreciate everything I see on my dash that you've done. Ily!!

@referentblood / @adenial || Biscuit is the sweetest, most precious HobNob in the universe, quit frankly; Ily more than I can explain! No matter the blog/muse you write or post on, I find myself adoring all of it; your way of writing is utterly captivating, your character design and screenshots incredibly good-! So very much love for you and I definitely look forward to more interactions in the future, always!

@drachenblood || Excuse you, Taco, for being so damn awesome. The way you write Estinien, down to the finest little details, is just so overwhelmingly good that I often find myself re-reading replies from you several times before I can even fully process the absolute wonder of it. You're so talented, so very skilled, and I feel honoured every time I receive a reply from you because they truly do feel like gifts; ones that I love immensely each and every time. You are incredible, and Ily very much <3

@sinefinemors || I cannot hope to explain my absolute love for Mors; his absolute complexities, his mysteriousness, his darkness. The more I read, the more I adore and I find myself re-reading replies so often because of how incredible they are, because of how absolutely captivating they are. Even Auri is infatuated. You have so much skill and talent and I cannot wait to interact with you more in the future! Ily!

@soulsalight || One of my oldest friends on here; Vii, you know how much I love you <3 Everything you write is sensational and you have such an incredible grasp on every muse you write - your art skills are overwhelmingly incredible and I love seeing anything and everything from you, always <3 My dash and experience here really wouldn't be the same without you! Ilu, precious!

@starsfreckled || The most precious starry blue lizard. Amaya is wonderful and anything posted about them that I see on my dash is a treat to read. I absolutely love them! -- and I love each and every reply we share, every thread, every little interaction and I really hope we can interact more in the future! <3 Ily!

@brightblessed || Roi, and yourself, are wonderful! I love our threads and interactions, I look forward to each and every single one! You are wonderfully talented with your writing and your presence on my dash brightens my day each time I see you post! Ily!!

@zacll || Zael is so absolutely wonderful that I adore him immensely! His characterisation is addicting and so diverse, the entire universe and lore and everything that you have built up is incredible!! You are a sensational person and I truly hope we can interact more come the future!! Ily!!

@minarcana || YOU, you precious human being, are sensational! Our interactions so far have been incredible and each time I receive a reply I get so very excited to read it (and re-read it, tbh--) because you have such a grasp upon your muses that you can really tell in everything you write. I truly hope to be able to interact with you and your muses more in the near future, on any of my blogs! Ily!

@swerte || Allan is precious and I can't even hope to put into words just how much I adore both you and your writing! Allan's interactions with Ivaux are super good and I find each one intoxicating-! Everything you write is incredible, and I adore seeing you on my dash, always! Ily, precious! Keep being awesome <3

@amaurotine || Your Hyth is absolutely sensational and each time I see you on my dash - be it a beautiful screenshot or a reply - I cannot help but be enamoured by absolutely everything you do and you really brighten up my dash! I really hope to write with you in the future! I'll have to throw Achaeus at you, at some point! Ily!!

@ichoric || /SHOWLEFT - with absolute love! I can't even begin to explain how much seeing you on my dash brings a lot of happiness. I've mostly interacted with and seen you write as Alisaie and you absolutely have her exact; I hear her voice in everything you write, in everything I am blessed enough to read and I simply cannot get enough! I adore your writing and really hope we can interact more in the future! Ily!

@enoqian || I cannot express my love for Kehda because there aren't enough decent words to do so well enough! -- Such a well developed character and every single post you do that offers more insight into her do I adore; little insights into Kehda always brighten my day and I look forward to interacting more in the future! With any and all of my idiots! Ily!

@herosluminis || You have so many muses and each and every single one of them is written to such an incredible degree that I cannot help but love everything I see! Each and every one is written so beautifully, and you have such wonderful skill in conveying their thoughts and actions, their feelings- everything! I cant wait to interact with you more in the future! Ily!

@lyon-beast-king || GOSH lemme just take a moment to gush about how you write - you convey Lyon's strength so easily with each paragraph and, honestly, every reply I'm honoured to receive from you is absolutely addicting to read and re-read. I really hope to interact with you more in the future! Ily!

@dragonlancer || We've not really talked but we've interacted a little and I just wanted to say how much I love the way you write, how you truly paint an entire picture of surroundings and thoughts, feelings- I adore the way you convey Estinien into words, how you convey his personality and I cannot wait to interact with you more in the future <3 ! Ily!

@metoikhomai || Pyx- I cannot express how much I adore you and all of your muses because there are no words that are good enough - every time I see you post on my dash I smile. Our interactions always get me excited whether it be the utter complexities between Ieaki and Magnai or the vibes between Dacy and Ivaux - - or even the intoxicating sweetness between Lys and Aymeric- I adore each and every one and I cannot wait to read and develop more in the future! Ily, precious!

@ruleoftheserpent || Honestly, I have to admit that I never lingered thoughts much on Regula until this actual precious entire whole bean came along, writing him. I adore his complexity, I adore the fact he has his own personal code but also the little tiny ways that show that he's not emotionally numb. Its as beautiful and as complicated as he is and I couldn't adore it any more than I already do! Cyvel is completely enamoured by the tall and mysterious stranger. Mun is exceptionally precious, too - ily, precious!

@paradoxeyed || We might not know each other too well but I adore Faelux: our interactions so far have been wonderful and I love seeing your posts on the dash and following all of your development and little titbits that give insight into Faelux as a character. Ily!

@confluxium || Raises hands to the sun to praise the cosmos for Aries' existence. This human being is not only wonderfully glorious and kind and sensationally skilled when it comes to writing, but their muses are incredible too. Hati is incredible and reading the development is so addicting - and don't even get me started on how much I love Ares and all of his complexities! Achaeus is both intrigued and absolutely petrified of him and I love that. Ily precious! Keep being the star you are <3 !

[connan-l]

Made of lace

Fandom: Natsume’s Book of Friends Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Hinoe/Benio, one-sided Hinoe/Reiko Natsume Summary: Hinoe gets a gift from a human. Benio doesn't get it, until she does. [Femslash February 2024 Day 12: Dress] Words: 7,253 Link: AO3 | Fanfiction.net

Notes: When are you going to bring back Benio Miss Midorikawa!!

Hinoe/Benio as a ship is funny to me — I mostly like them cause I think they’re very aesthetically pleasing, but concretely I’m not sure how well they’d actually work. In the tiny glimpses we get of their relationship it doesn’t seem like Hinoe likes Benio at all lol, and we don’t know what Benio’s feelings about her could be. But hey, that’s what fics are for. (Also, I guess technically they don’t entirely fit for Femfeb given yokai aren’t supposed to care much about gender — or at least Benio likely doesn’t. But well.)

Reiko gets mentioned a lot in this too and it was completely against my will… I didn’t intend to make her such a big part of the story but in the end that’s how it went. Sorry I guess I just love Reiko too much so I can’t help it haha.

Like I said in the tag, the Hinoe/Reiko is one-sided much like in canon; but although I don’t think she returned her feelings I do like the idea that Reiko was still fond of Hinoe in some way. It’s hard to tell what Reiko’s feelings on Hinoe were in canon given we only ever get Hinoe’s perspective, but I feel that’s something that might be implied too in the series.

* * *

The thing is, Benio don’t really understand the concept of caring.

Not for other yokai, and certainly, especially not for humans. She does understand it for herself, though; she certainly care about staying alive and feeling content and being entertained. But other people or beings or whatever they might be — that’s something she’s never managed to muster the slightest care for.

Benio lives for herself first and foremost, and truthfully, most ayakashi do as well.

She does understand the concept of respect, though. There are some yokai, usually the powerful ones, that she respects and whom she doesn’t like seeing disrespected. This is the case, for instance, of Lord Riou.

Benio has known Lord Riou for as long as she could remember — she has no idea who between the two of them is the oldest, but through their centuries of mutual coexistence, they probably share a similar lifespan. Ayakashi never pay much attention to time, after all; such a silly, superficial thing best left to the humans.

But Lord Riou does pay attention to time. He pays attention to respect, too — but where he deviates from Benio and most other inhabitants of the forest, is that he also respect, weirdly enough, the humans. That’s the odd particuliarity about Lord Riou — he cares, too much, about too many things. Useless things, like the humans. He cares about making the yokai of the forest, who venerate him like a king, respect humans too. “They’re living creatures just like us,” he said once. “So if you want to keep living on my territory, then you have to let them live in peace as well. I will not tolerate anything else.”

This is utterly ridiculous to Benio, and she knows most yokai think that way as well — after all, what good humans are really for? Poor frail little things, most of them not even capable of just sensing their presence, making a mess of everything that cross their path. They’re only good to torment and to eat for dinner — and even then not all of them are tasty. Most of the forest inhabitants think like this, but they still respect Riou too much to dare challenge him. Lord Riou is powerful, after all — and although he might be about the same age as Benio, he is definitely much, much stronger. And strength is law in their world.

But even with all this strength, Lord Riou never touch humans — because, for some stupid, unfathomable reason, Lord Riou loves them. He often disguises himself as one of their kin, spend time in their villages, play around, talk, laugh with them. And whenever he comes back, there’s a brightness in his eyes, an awed look on his face; and the wonder radiating from his being sometimes even makes it hard to just look at him. Because it makes Benio ponders what on earth he might’ve found in the human village that gave him this expression — what on earth might’ve gotten him to care so much.

“He got his heart stolen,” Lady Hinoe says during a party before laughing loudly. “What a pitiful thing.”

Benio doesn’t know Lady Hinoe very much. She’d seen her and talked to her a few times here and there, and she had heard of her even before that. Hinoe is quite famous around here, after all; the bearer of curses who loves stealing the hearts of innocent, pretty humans girls only to torment them later on — and who does much worse to human men. She’s among the only ayakashi allowed to speak poorly of Lord Riou in these parts, because she is also very strong and anyone daring to criticizes her would get themselves cursed.

They say she is actually a real romantic despite her habit of breaking human girls’ hearts — and that she goes around looking for female yokai lovers in desperate search of her one true love. Benio thinks this particular part is ridiculous — romance means caring, and caring is something that would never makes any sense to her. Yokai who so desperately tries to replicate humans’ stupid relationships and customs are the most abject of beings to her. Nevertheless, she has to admit that a part of her cannot help but be interested by Lady Hinoe. She is quite powerful and elegant and gorgeous, after all, and Benio loves beauty. She’ll always be a butterfly at heart, unable to resist the attraction of shiny pretty things. However, she does find Lady Hinoe too boisterous for her tastes, often lacking in delicacy, and so that actively discourages her to get any closer to her.

She thinks, however, that Lady Hinoe must be right about Lord Riou this time. He must have gotten a part of him stolen by the humans; and in turns, he often come back with things he took from them, too.

“I haven’t stolen anything from them, Benio,” he replies to her once, after pulling out an ugly fake puppy made of cotton he’d gotten from that human hunter he mentions regularly. Riou always takes the appearance of a child when he goes to the village, so that might be why the hunter thought he’d like a stuffed animal. “He gave it to me. As my friend.”

Benio snorts, and manage to not roll her eyes. “Friend. And what are you going to even do with this, Lord Riou?”

“Cherish it, of course. This is what gifts from people you love are for, don’t you agree?”

Benio huffs, and thinks, I don’t love people, even less so if these people are humans. And while she doesn’t say it out loud, Riou seems to read it on her face, because then he gives her a strange, fond look, and gently smile at her.

Benio thinks she hates that smile. Such a soft thing is unbefitting of being on the face of one of the strongest yokai she knows, one who rule over the forest.

“That’s a sad thing to not agree on. I hope you do, one day.”

And then Benio actually let herself laugh.

What a ridiculous king. She wishes she didn’t respect him as much.

* * *

Reiko Natsume. Lady Natsume. Natsume of the Book of Friends. Or, sometimes, just ‘Reiko’ or just ‘Natsume.’

Benio doesn’t really remember when that human’s name started spreading like wildfire among yokai, but the moment it did it seemed to be all they could talk about. She seemed like a disease, almost; poisoning and destroying everything on her way. She mercilessly took the names of any who dared to oppose her, weaponizing such terrifying powers, and she quickly became a legend among the forest and mountains; a girl as powerful as a god and as scary as an oni.

Among all these rumors, Benio can’t really tell the truth from the lie, but no one is spared. Even Lord Riou gets challenged by her and, stunningly, actually loses — which the whole forest still hasn’t gotten over. And, maybe unsurprisingly, even Lord Madara and Lady Hinoe seems taken by the strange phenomenon.

“Lord Madara, what’s going on with Lady Hinoe?” Benio asks the large wolfish creature one night.

Benio has known Madara for quite some time; although much like Riou, she wouldn’t be able to tell how many. He is older than her, though, she is pretty sure; older than most ayakashi around, really. Much like Benio, he doesn’t like people, yokai or humans — so that’s a rarity to see him at a party. The only thing the grumpy Lord Madara seems to enjoy is his sake, but he generally prefer to enjoy it alone; that’s why Benio was so surprised to see him here tonight.

Although he does seem more social lately, for some reason. Coincidentally since Natsume has started hanging around here. Madara is hard to get along with, but Benio finds him amusing. He is always complaining and trying to keep his distance with everyone, but at the end of the day, he is not that different from Lord Riou — both have a heart way too soft for all the power they possesses; but the difference is that Lord Riou wear that heart in his sleeve, while Lord Madara tries to hide it has much as possible.

The beast slurps at his large cup of sake, then snorts as his gaze poise on the blue-haired yokai slumped against a tree. She’s alone, frowning, and clearly not having a great time. In fact, it doesn’t even seem like she wants to be here at all.

“She’s gotten rejected by Natsume,” he explains, and Benio arches an eyebrow.

“Natsume? Did she stole her name?”

“Worse. She stole her heart.”

Benio blinks. Doesn’t really understand the meaning of that until long, long seconds later.

“What?”

“Natsume didn’t even want her name. Hinoe got smitten, but the girl doesn’t want to have anything to do with her.”

“S— Smitten? Lady Hinoe? With a human?”

That sounds so ridiculous Benio can’t even wrap her mind around it. Lady Hinoe fooled around with human girls a lot, but only to torment them. She certainly never had any real feelings for them. Even a yokai falling for another yokai in itself was ludicrous, so for a human?

How shameful. Disgusting. Benio can’t even bear the idea.

“The girl turned her trick on her,” Lord Madara continues. “How pathetic.”

“You say this as if you don’t spend all your time hanging out around that Natsume human as well,” another ayakashi throws at Lord Madara, and then a couple others chuckles. The moment the old wolf glares at them, however, they cut it off instantly.

It is true, though. Benio has heard about Lord Madara’s strange habit to spend time with the girl as well. Which is even more mesmerizing than Lady Hinoe’s newfound love to her, given how much he hates people. Not that she’d actually say that to his face, of course — she values her life too much.

Benio sighs, then, after a moment of consideration, she leaves Lord Madara’s side and approaches Lady Hinoe. She sit down next to her, but Hinoe barely acknowledges her presence.

“Good evening, Lady Hinoe. Don’t you look lovely tonight,” she says, and Hinoe huffs.

“Go away, Benio. I don’t want to entertain you.”

“So that is true, then? You got infatuated with some human? How disgraceful.”

“Reiko isn’t ‘some human.’ Watch your tongue.”

Benio scoffs. “What is so special about that girl, anyway? Is she the big one true love you’ve been looking for?”

Finally, Lady Hinoe turns her head towards her, red eyes glaring and red lips tight with anger. Benio don’t look away. Lady Hinoe is stronger than her, but that doesn’t mean Benio fear her, either.

“Someone like you could never understand.”

And Hinoe’s probably right, too. Benio never cared for caring about anyone but her, after all.

Even so, she doesn’t leave Lady Hinoe. She stays there, next to her, for the rest of the party — and it’s not to comfort her, certainly not, but even Benio wouldn’t be able to tell a reason if anyone asked.

* * *

Benio finds out what the big deal about Reiko Natsume is not long after that.

It all happens very quickly; one moment she was simply leisurely walking down the river as usual, and the next she found herself spectator of a conflict between a young girl and a dozen of tsuchigumo wanting to skin her alive. The human has no problem taking them down all at once thanks to a weird long, polished stick covered in talismans, and Benio watches the whole thing take place without a sound, a little bemused. She wasn’t going to feel bad for the tsuchigumo — as a butterfly yokai herself she very much was not their biggest fan — but she did feel quite baffled a little human girl was able to demonstrate such a show of strength.

It doesn't take long for Benio to realize that this girl was none other than the infamous Reiko Natsume, owner of the Book of Friends — after all, who else could it be? There certainly were no other human around that would fit the description. When she noticed Benio’s presence after her showdown with the tsuchigumo, Natsume grinned and challenged her to a match — but Benio liked her name and independence too much to accept it. She changed into a butterfly and flew off before the girl could say anything more, and she seemed quite shocked to have been rebutted that way. Benio supposes that didn’t happen very often to her, after all — and she would learn later the only other ayakashi who had ever refused one of her games was Lord Madara himself.

Benio kept catching glimpses of Reiko Natsume here and there after that. Sometimes with Madara, sometimes with Hinoe, sometimes alone. And… well — for as much as Benio had been pretty annoyed by the obsession the yokai of the forest had for that child, right now, she had to admit that she did start to feel intrigued. At least a little. There was definitely something… special, emanating from this girl. She was just so different from other humans, so mesmerizing; a little scary, a little endearing, a little sad; and it was hard not to be captivated. She was also quite pretty, with her long silver hair and sharp green eyes — and on that sense, Benio supposed Lady Hinoe didn’t have bad tastes. Benio was not, would never be, enthralled by such a creature — Benio did not care. But the more she caught sight of the little human girl, the more the ambient fascination made sense.

But at the very least she felt relieved that she would never behave as ridiculously as Lady Hinoe when it came to Reiko Natsume. The poor thing seemed to have completely thrown her pride away; whenever the girl was around or even just mentioned, she would become so utterly joyful, ecstatic, euphoric. Desperate to get her attention or please her in anyway. Benio had never seen her like that before, ever.

And despite how beautiful Lady Hinoe usually was, Benio could barely stand to stare at her in that state.

It is during one sunny summer morning that Benio comes across Lady Hinoe in the strangest form of all. She is, as often lately, in a particular good mood; humming to herself, spinning around like a little child with a big smile; but her expression isn’t the only strange thing. What she’s wearing is.

This is a dress. A human dress, Benio presumes — and more than presumes, actually, she realizes while scrunching her nose because that thing stinks of humans. How is Lady Hinoe able to wear this without throwing up is baffling.

It is of a delicate, deep scarlet color, all in lace and fluff, tightening Lady Hinoe’s silhouette from the shoulders to the knee and leaving her arms completely bare. Maybe Benio would find it pretty if it wasn’t for the fact this is something clearly made for humans by humans, and humans are the ugliest thing in the world.

(Well, except Reiko Natsume, but she does not count. Benio sometimes even doubt that this girl is human at all.)

Lady Hinoe finally notices her presence as she stops being busy contemplating her silhouette in the surface of the river. She turns around, her strawberry lips matching her eyes and dress smiling brightly at her — and if Benio’s heart twitches a little at the sight, well, she simply ignores it, like she does most things she doesn’t like. Lady Hinoe must be in an especially good mood today for her to smile like this at Benio of all people, instead of her face crumpling in distaste like she usually does upon seeing her.

“Oh ho! Look who’s here, if that isn’t Benio.” She spins around once again, then take a pan of her dress in order to show off the outfit. “How do I look?”

Benio arches an eyebrow at her cheerfulness. “Human.”

She can’t help it. She certainly would never gave a compliment to anyone when they’re wearing something man-made, and even less so to Lady Hinoe.

The bearer of curses groan, then roll her eyes. “Well, yes, it is.”

“And you’re still wearing it.”

“I do. I don’t like human things, but this one is different.”

“Different how so?”

Hinoe grins, almost smugly, as if she knows a secret nobody else knows. “Reiko gave it to me.”

Somehow, that might explains the blasphemous sight of a yokai wearing humans’ clothes she has in front of her, but that only manage to make Benio feel even more confused.

“Why would she do that?”

Finally, Lady Hinoe’s smile falter a little at this, and a slight frown take its place instead. “That, I’m not really sure. She just told me she ended up getting this dress, but she doesn’t like it, so she gave it to me instead.”

“How nice of her.”

“Isn’t it? To think I’m the first woman she thinks of when she needs to give a dress to someone!”

And she is sincere, too. Her red eyes are shining, her cheeks are tainted of a slight blush and her smile is so big it might threaten to swallow her whole face. She looks so happy, and so in love, and Benio’s mouth turns to ashes.

She cannot believe how delusional Lady Hinoe is when it comes to Reiko Natsume. She doesn’t even have the heart to point out the poor lonely girl probably doesn’t even know any other woman besides Hinoe — as much as a yokai can be called a ‘woman,’ anyway — and that she literally said she did not like that dress. It isn’t a sweet, thoughtful gift, more like something Natsume didn’t know what to do with and threw at Lady Hinoe at random because she wanted to get rid of it.

(Although truthfully, why didn’t she just threw it in the trash then is a bit of a mystery.)

But Lady Hinoe doesn’t even seem to care about any of that. To her, it is a nice gesture from Natsume towards her, specifically — and so she accepts it like birds throwing themselves at bread crumbs.

“She even called me beautiful, you know? She said it’d fit me. So I’ve decided I was just going to wear it all the time now. Maybe then she’ll keep calling me beautiful!”

“I think she’d rather you stop following her around like that all the time. Doesn’t humans have a word for that? And they threw people in cages for it as well?”

Lady Hinoe rolls her eyes. “I don’t ‘follow her around all the time.’ And anyway, that’s not the topic now. You still haven’t answered my question. Do I look good? I think I’ll try a new haircut too, so I need to know.”

Benio feels like she’s facing a strange dilemma. There can only be one response to this question, because truthfully Lady Hinoe is beautiful and, objectively speaking, so is this dress despite its… humanness, so there’s no way she cannot say yes. But the whole perspective of Lady Hinoe, the cruel, powerful bearer of curses, dressing up in a human dress just to pleases a human girl and having the slight, slight chance of gaining a little bit of her care, is so nauseating to Benio.

She may understand the fascination for Natsume, but she just cannot, no matter what, wrap her mind around why Lady Hinoe let herself degrade herself like this that badly.

“You know she’s going to die one day, right?” She says instead of replying. “Quicker than you’ll realize, too. One day you’ll blink and she’ll be all wrinkled and gray-haired and she’ll be a rotting corpse before you even notice it. You know that, right?”

And Benio doesn’t think she’s being particularly cruel here — this is something only normal, logical, to know about. This is one of the reasons why caring for humans — for anyone, really, but especially for humans — is so utterly ridiculous.

This is why Benio refuses to be as stupid as Lady Hinoe and Lord Madara and all those other dull-witted yokai who got their names and hearts stolen and yearn endlessly for the affection of a girl who doesn’t even know how to love.

Benio may enjoy Reiko Natsume, may have fun watching her dominates the forest — but she’ll never, ever allows herself to love her.

But then at her words Hinoe’s face crumple. It feels as if Benio told her the most evil thing she’s ever heard, and she first briefly looks afflicted before quickly switching to anger — and Benio instinctively flinch, then, because an angry Lady Hinoe is never something good to witness.

“Right,” she says with so much spite Benio feel a chill going down her spine. “I don’t know why I even bothered to ask you. I don’t care what you think. Go be a miserable, bitter insect and die all alone in a corner without anyone caring for you.”

And then Lady Hinoe simply turns around and leaves, and Benio thinks she would’ve preferred she put a curse on her instead. Although she feels a little like she was forced to suddenly swallows a thousands of needles, so maybe she did curse her after all, Benio just hasn’t noticed it.

Once the shock fade away, however, it is Benio’s turn to feel angry. Because who is being the fool here, really? Benio is the one who’s going to die alone and miserable, when Hinoe’s the idiot pinning for a mortal girl she’ll never have?

Benio may die alone, one day, in a few thousands of centuries, but she will most certainly not die miserable.

Because unlike Hinoe, and Madara, and Riou and all those other mindless dunces, she knows perfectly what to expects from life and doesn’t try to yearn for anything more.

On that sense, she is pretty sure that she and Reiko Natsume are exactly the same.

* * *

The day the owner of the Book of Friends disappears plunge the forest into deep, deep mourning.

So many of the forest inhabitants looks for her, begs for her presence, calls her name — but as usual, Reiko Natsume is cold and unfeeling and she never, ever calls anyone back.

Benio has no idea what happened to her, but one day she just stopped coming — and that shouldn’t be surprising, really, with that whimsical girl, but it doesn’t change the feeling of something being suddenly missing. Benio doesn’t really think she’s dead — because truthfully, no matter how much she made fun of Lady Hinoe for seemingly thinking Reiko Natsume would always be here, there’s something a little… everlasting, about that girl. She is a human, a mortal, but she doesn’t really seems like one — so the idea of anyone getting the best of her sounds ludicrous.

But she stops coming. Regardless of what actually happened to her, that still means she’s not here anymore; and so she might as well be dead. Most yokai around seems to understand that and starts mourning her as such. Even Lord Misuzu of the swamp has become much more quieter than usual.

This is also followed by the disappearance of Lord Riou — and then of Lord Madara. It almost feels like the girl took those two down with her, even if she feels that can’t be right. Although it might be for Lord Madara. He was, after all, spending most of his time with her, so it wouldn’t be surprising if he was somehow involved in her sudden vanishment.

Benio doesn’t mourn. She never cared for Reiko Natsume, she keeps repeating to herself — so whether she comes or not to the forest anymore, it is none of business.

Benio doesn’t mourn, and doesn’t care — but sometimes, ever so slightly, she feels like she can catch the sight of a silver thread behind a tree, of a fluttering skirt at the detour of a bushes, the swing of a stick covered in talismans whenever she sees a tsuchigumo; and every time she’s proven to be wrong, she feels her heart deflates in disappointment, in a strange sadness that she doesn’t quite understand. Doesn’t really let herself understand.

That’s an ache in her chest that an uncaring person like her doesn’t need — that she swore to herself she would never feel, and she just… doesn’t know what to do with it.

She tries to bear it; doesn’t have any other choice. Hopes it’ll fade away with time.

(It doesn’t.

And then she feels like the biggest fool of them all — because for as much as she looked down on all those other yokai who let themselves gets attached, she’s really not that different.

She preserved her name, but her heart was snatched away regardless.)

That aches that Benio feels, however, is clearly nothing in comparison to what Lady Hinoe must feel.

Truthfully, she doesn’t really sees her in the days and weeks and months that follows Natsume’s disappearance. Mostly because Hinoe spend all this time looking for her, and the few times Benio catch sight of her is when she’s coming back to the forest, alone and empty handed and with eyes darker than hell itself. Benio vaguely heard rumors of Natsume and Hinoe having had a falling out of sorts before she left, so she wonders if maybe, on top of missing her, Hinoe simply feels guilty. Maybe she thinks Natsume is deliberately ignoring her; which, for all she knows, might actually be true. She looks like a ghost, wandering around looking for the girl, doing favors for random yokai so that they might maybe give her the slightest bit of information about her lost beloved.

None of it works, of course, because Benio has no doubt that if Reiko Natsume doesn’t want to be found, no one will be able to do it. So the months and years goes by, and Lady Hinoe looks more and more wretched; just a shadow of her former glorious self. She has no interest in tricking and tormenting young girls anymore, no interest in the parties and sake, no interest in throwing curse around just because she can. The yokai still speak about Natsume of the Book of Friends, in discreet whispers and awed voices, but the more time flow by with no sight of the girl, and the more she feels like an actual legend, sometimes posing doubt as to whether she even really existed in the first place.

One day, Benio come across Lady Hinoe in the dim light of a clearing. She’s all alone, her long blue hair cascading her shoulders, wearing her usual kimono. She’s staring down at something, on the ground, with vacant eyes.

Benio wishes she could say meeting Lady Hinoe here is a coincidence, like it is most times, but… it isn’t. She’s actually been keeping an eye on her for some time now, even tracking her around. If Hinoe noticed that, she did not make any mentions of it.

Benio doesn’t do it because she cares. She doesn’t. This is just… out of curiosity. To sees what Lady Hinoe intends to do next.

And that pitiful sight in front of her — a disheveled woman, shadow of the mighty, feared yokai she used to be, also does nothing to her heart. No ache at all. Benio doesn’t feel angry in the slightest about seeing someone as powerful and beautiful as Lady Hinoe in such a state, when she should know better — when she should’ve known better from the start.

“You knew she was going to leave at some point, right?” Benio asks. Lady Hinoe doesn’t answer. Doesn’t move. “If not leave, she would have died one day. Or what? Did you think you could convince her to stay here her whole life? That you would’ve been able to — turn her into one of us, somehow?”

Not that it would’ve been impossible. Humans turning into yokai are not uncommon, after all; although Benio herself has met very few of them. And for someone as unhappy, lonely and powerful as Reiko Natsume, who had already been shunned by her own kin and sometimes even barely felt human at all — well, honestly, it probably wouldn’t have have been that hard or surprising. Though the idea very much repulse Benio.

In some way, humans are much like butterflies; they live only for an instant and disappear just as soon — but there's still a major difference between them, and it's their ways of life. Benio was blessed to become a yokai, but humans should just stay humans. They do not possesses the aptitude to becomes eternal creatures defying their fates. Is that any wonder that every human-turned-yokai she’s heard of are miserable beings that are only talked about as tragedies, unable to truly fit in and accept their newfound condition? Benio never missed her past before turning into a yokai, but that’s because she used to only be a mindless insect with no dreams or wishes of her own. A human, on the other hand, would always mourn the former life they got robbed of.

But this is also the only thing that Benio have over Reiko Natsume. She’ll never be as strong or as fascinating as her or win over Lady Hinoe’s heart as thoroughly as she did, but at least Benio would get to share that eternal life with Hinoe.

“I knew,” Lady Hinoe suddenly says without looking up from the ground, almost surprising Benio. “I knew… that she was going to be gone one day.” She chuckles, but it sounds empty, even to Benio’s ears. “Truthfully, I also knew she didn’t care much for me. I’m not like Madara; I was only one of many yokai to her — and she probably has already forgotten all about me. She didn’t even judge me interesting enough to have in her Book.”

Benio doesn’t point out Lord Madara wasn’t in the Book of Friends either. She isn’t sure what it means, if it means anything at all; but she doesn’t think her name being in the Book or not is any indication of Natsume’s feelings for Lady Hinoe either way.

But it’s not like it matter much anymore.

Reiko Natsume is gone, so no one will ever be able to tell.

“Why are you still here?” Lady Hinoe asks, and suddenly she lifts her head towards Benio.

Her ruby eyes are very dark, very empty; and Benio… Benio, as it has often been the case in the last few years, can’t stand to look at them. Can’t stand to see her eyes so dull and dead.

That is not a look that the great Lady Hinoe, bearer of the curses, should have.

She might have found her disgusting, but she would take back the lively, cheerful Lady Hinoe in love any day over this one.

So for once, Benio decides to be honest.

“I thought you would need the company.”

Lady Hinoe stares at her in silence. It is like she is trying to gauge the veracity of those words, and Benio actually wishes she can tell that she is being honest.

But then the moment is gone, and Hinoe just laughs.

“I don’t want company.”

Lady Hinoe turns around, and it is only now that Benio realizes what the other ayakashi has been staring at all this time on the ground: the scarlet human dress. It looks dirty and teared apart at the seams, and Benio looks down at it curiously, as if not comprehending what she’s seeing.

Hinoe cared so much for that dress. Treasured it so much, like a precious diamond; like it was Reiko Natsume herself. And now she just decided to leave it on the ground carelessly, letting it get dirtied and muddied by the forest like that?

“That dress…”

“I don’t need it anymore. I doubt Reiko cared that much about it anyway.”

Lady Hinoe leaves, long hair sweeping in her back, not even sparing a single glance at the dress or Benio.

And Benio, miserably, shamefully, pathetically, aches.

She aches at Reiko Natsume’s departure, she aches at Hinoe’s pitiful state, she aches at the pretty human dress, the cherished gift, now drowning in mud all by itself.

Benio never know how to handle that ache — so in an attempt to soothe it, she bends down and get back the piece of cloth.

* * *

Reiko Natsume’s grandson is just like her and just not like her in all the parts that matters.

Their physical resemblance is striking; so much it is a little disturbing to see. He has her face and her eyes and her hair and her frightening powers, but his smile is genuine and kind, his voice is soft, his words friendly. Whereas Reiko only communicated through fighting and stealing, Takashi talks and gives back. Benio cannot stop thinking about his statement, when she first met him, about him wanting to be “a bridge between humans and yokai.”

How ridiculous, she’d thought then. But the more she watches him — the more good he’s able to do throughout the forest and the more yokai he’s able to help — the more a part of her feel this wish might not just be some stupid throwaway words.

He cares too much, just like Riou and Madara and Hinoe, and as Benio keeps on watching him, she wonders when that caring is inevitably going to cost him.

Just like what happened to Lord Riou. Although he might be back now, that caring took so much out of him that he decided to swear off seeing humans ever again. And Benio is glad for him, too. She certainly doesn’t understand how anyone would to keep doing this after getting hurt this badly.

She thought Lady Hinoe and Lord Madara would have come to the same conclusion as Lord Riou after what happened with Reiko Natsume too — but, bewilderingly, they don’t. It seems the both of them still ended up falling head over heels over her grandson regardless.

So Benio watches.

She watches the boy and his merry group of monsters from afar —and feel some longing, some aches over seeing this human child who looks so much like Reiko Natsume but isn’t her; and then she suddenly realizes that she’s starting to grow the same fascination and attachment for him that she had for his grandmother. So much for not wanting to stay with humans, like she said to Lord Madara.

She inadvertently end up joining Takashi Natsume’s silly yokai followers half against her will — friends, he calls them, just like what Lord Riou called his humans — and party with them, while her brain keeps screaming at her that she would do better to cut ties and run away from here before she gets contaminated by the strange illness that has taken over Lady Hinoe and Lord Madara years and years before. She knows how the story ends. She’s seen it, experienced it before with Reiko Natsume — and it is not a happy story.

But she doesn’t run away.

She stays, while doing her best to keep on not caring.

(It doesn’t really work.)

It is one night, to her utter surprise, that Lady Hinoe comes to see her out of the blue. That has never happened before; usually, they only each other by coincidence, at parties, or Benio is the one seeking her out. Although she stopped doing this since the last time they saw each other after Reiko Natsume’s disappearance.

But this time, Lady Hinoe visits her on her own at Benio’s cozy little clearer hidden next to a large summer lilac. Benio doesn’t have a home the way humans does — unless the whole of the forest count as one — but this is the place she enjoys coming back to when she needs rest and silence. This isn’t a secret, either, so Lady Hinoe knowing about it shouldn’t be odd — yet Benio can’t hide her surprise, staring at her in stunned silence. Hinoe chuckles.

“What’s the long face for? Can’t I go visit an old friend when I want to?”

“I had no idea we were friends,” Benio replies, actually genuine. She could give a lot of names to her relationship with Lady Hinoe, but friends isn’t one of them.

“Natsume calls you his friend, and I’m Natsume’s friend.”

“Even if I were to agree that I am indeed young Natsume’s friend, that still would not make us friends.”

“Heh. Well, I suppose not. Then again, believe it or not, you’re not the worst ayakashi to hang around with. Plus, I like your female appearance.”

Benio snorts. Although she is also someone who’s always put a lot of importance into the appearances of others — she would never give the time of day to anyone even remotely ugly to her tastes — she never understood Lady Hinoe’s obsession for those human gender things either.

“I just wanted to see you, I guess,” Lady Hinoe says. “I was surprised to see you started hanging out with Natsume too. I mean, he’s not really the type you take an interest in usually — and you always says humans disgusts you. Well, you don’t really take interest in anyone in general.”

“That is true. But that child did save Lord Riou. Lord Madara seems fond of him. And,” she says with some hesitance, proceeding carefully with her next words. “He is still Reiko Natsume’s grandson. That alone make him worthy of interest.”

Lady Hinoe chuckles again, but doesn’t add anything else.

“…You seem to be doing fine,” Benio declares after some seconds of silence.

“Hmm? Do I?”

“After Reiko Natsume left, you were a mess. I was wondering if you’d ever go back to normal.”

Lady Hinoe appears to contemplates the words for a moment. “I don’t think I’ll ever go back to how I was before Reiko,” she says, a quiet sadness in her voice. “She changed me too much. But… that’s true. I am better. I still can’t fathom the fact she is actually dead, though. Even after she disappeared, I kept hoping that maybe one day she’ll…” She shake her head. “Well, it was stupid. I’ve come to terms with it now. And I’m glad I got to meet her grandson, he’s a funny child. Very disappointing he’s a boy, though.”

Lady Hinoe’s apparent fondness for the Natsume boy is more surprising than Benio hanging out with him, truthfully. After all, not only is he a man, but he’s also the type of person Lady Hinoe usually dislikes — too frail, too gentle, too self-sacrificing. And yet she seems almost as attached to him as she was to his grandmother. Maybe the boy does have some strange magical powers.

“…I’m curious to see that you’re not jealous.”

“Jealous?” Hinoe repeats.

“Of Reiko Natsume’s supposed lover. I would think you would hate it. That she found someone else, especially a man.”

“Oh.” Lady Hinoe seems to ponder over this, then shake her head. “Maybe I would have, years ago. I can’t say I’m happy about it either, but… After she left, I kept wondering what her life might be like. I wondered if she was still lonely. If she found someone who truly loved her, then that is not something I can possibly be angry about, right? …Even if it was a man.”

Maybe that makes sense. In a way, she’d already mourned Reiko Natsume’s death throughout all those decades. Maybe she’d actually accepted long ago the fact there was no way a human like Reiko, no matter how exceptional, would ever build a life with a yokai and that it was only natural she’d settle down with another one of her kind one day.

Lady Hinoe’s gaze suddenly leaves Benio’s eyes to fixates on something behind her. A rock, that stands right under the summer lilac, and Benio almost feel her heart skip a beat as she realizes what the other ayakashi is staring at.

There is a piece of cloth, on the rock. An old lace dress, of a deep scarlet color.

At first, neither of them speak a single word; until Lady Hinoe finally opens her mouth, and murmurs, in a barely audible voice: “You kept it.”

“…I did.”

“Why?”

Lady Hinoe’s slender, manicured fingers grabs the dress, slowly caressing the tissue. Although it is now quite old, it’s still been kept very clean and polished; Benio has made sure of it. She took care of it carefully for all those years, hidden away from prying eyes, as if it was still waiting for someone to put it on.

Benio can’t answer her question. There is no logical reason that would’ve pushed her to do such a thing; no explanation that would makes sense for her character, with her way of life.

The only reason that could be given is a sentimental one; that it was a present once given to a yokai by a human, a gift like that plush Lord Riou kept so preciously. Something that has no meaning, but once made that yokai so very happy.

The only reason Benio would’ve done something like this is if she were to care for Lady Hinoe — and there is no way she would allow herself that.

“I don’t know,” is thus the only thing she can say; and then Hinoe looks at her and, bewilderingly, actually smile. If she didn’t know any better, Benio would almost feel embarrassed because it almost feel like Lady Hinoe saw right through her lie.

“Well… You did a good job at keeping it intact. It almost looks exactly like the day Reiko gave it to me.”

“…Maybe we could give it to her grandson.”

Lady Hinoe laughs. “And what would he do with it? He’s a boy, remember?”

“Does human boys not wear dresses? I’ll never understand human customs.”

Lady Hinoe shake her head, though Benio doesn’t know if it’s because she thinks she’s being stupid or because she agrees with her statement.

“Reiko didn’t even like that dress anyway. That’s why she gave it to me.”

Sadness permeates her words once more, before being swept away as she looks at Benio again.

“Thanks for keeping it,” she says. “I was a fool to throw it away, and I actually regretted it afterwards. It does mean a lot to me… especially now that she’s not here anymore.” She hesitates a little, and a bit more bashfully, she adds: “You won’t ever hear that from me again, but I wanted to say I was sorry for how I treated you before. You were right, too. Obviously, caring so much for Reiko was stupid, but… But I still don’t regret it. Despite everything.”

Benio doesn’t answer, and tries not to look away, tries not to let the warmth that blossoms through her chest not show too much on her face. She wonders if Lady Hinoe can tell anyway, because she grins back at her.

“You never did tell me how you thought I looked in it. Was I beautiful?”

Lady Hinoe doesn’t regret caring for Reiko Natsume, for her grandson, but Benio does. She knows caring only leads to bad things. Only leads to regret and suffering.

Yokai don’t need caring. But then, she thinks about the look in Lord Riou’s eyes as he spoke of his human friends, of the way Lord Madara’s face lit up when he is at the Natsume boy’s sides, at Lady Hinoe’s shining figure when she was in love with the Natsume girl.

Benio doesn’t let herself caring — but just this once, instead of answering, she let herself step forward towards Hinoe and press her lips against hers.

[risenwraith]

#140 Friends and support.

It can be quite strange, finding out who sends you gifts and encouragement, who offers to drive you to the hospital or make you dinner, who asks after you at regular intervals to check up and who never asks at all. It may not at all be whom you expect.

There are people at my husband's work who ask after me every other day. There are people at the Brewhause who I know by sight but not by name, yet any time I go there they seek me out to ask how I'm doing, to make sure I'm okay. (I borrow a pen from the servers and draw little pictures on bar coasters to gift them something in return - a small thank you for caring.)

Some of the most unexpected and wonderful kindnesses have come from back in the UK: parcels from Ben and Cassandra-Kate and Spacedmonkey. Endless aid from DT....

But there have been kindnesses here too: Aunty Rabbit for ready-made supper and very fancy make-up, and M for lifts to the hospital as and when, no problem. All of which are so bloody utterly and beautifully kind.

There have been emails from siblings, or a FB reply. And that's very kind too.

And then from my youngest sister and one of my oldest friends there hasn’t been a single word; not a voicemail, a text, a FB or DM message nor even a lone emoji in sight since I mentioned I was losing a tit and all this was happening. Which is a bit... sadlyfoxears. (My sister has a new baby/toddler so I wasn't expecting much. I just wanted an acknowledgement of 'oh shit!' IDK maybe they ghost-disowned me and this is how I noticed?) Let's hopefully go with life is very busy and moves on a-pace for everyone, and best intentions - like best china - can get left in the cupboard. Well, anyways, I would rather think on all the lovely and fantastic messages I did receive than the few I did not.

Important Edit: My little sister did reply to my announcement that I'd finished chemo. I was publicly begging for super powers via my radiation treatment. She called me by a very old nickname and said 'My G-, Jump Raven, you already have them.' Which made me very happy. (I will give some sort of prize to anyone other than me who actually knows what's she's talking about.)

[lubdog]

today the vet told me that my dog has a heart arrhythmia.

the diagnosis of cause could be a variety of things, but the end result is the same in every prognosis:

she is going to die.

I remember I used to wonder why people got pets.

I told my best friend that I wouldn’t put myself through the pain of loving something so much, just to know I only had a small fraction of my time on earth to give to it; even less, considering normal, daily things that require my presence or attention.

And then I got a dog.

and a cat, and another dog.

and every single one of them is going to die.

it could be in a year, or five years,

or I could get lucky with them, and they could live until they’re seventeen, or thirty-one-and-a-half, like the oldest living dog in the Guinness Book of World Records (if you ignore the possibility of that being a false claim).

but regardless of how long (or short) I am blessed with their presence and unconditional love,

I am reminded of how I sign up for devastating heartbreak without much consideration, nearly every day.

I read books and watch films where my favorite character dies, and I can see it coming long before I’ve closed the last chapter, or the credits roll.

I make friends with the knowledge that we may one day outgrow each other, and never speak again.

I watch an elderly neighbor feed stray cats in his spare time,

who tells me he was feeding a group of them once and noticed there was a single, pure white kitten of whom he was particularly fond,

whom weeks later, on his drive home from work, he saw lying on the side of the road after being struck by a vehicle;

its white fur striking against the monotone grey of the pavement.

He tells me about her, as he feeds this new group of kittens; tells me he spotted another pregnant mama the other day,

that there’s more on the way.

he tells me that the cats won’t come up to anyone else, but he can stand there amongst the kibble and cans and watch them eat, and every now and then one of them will approach him.

That white kitten died, to my knowledge, about nine years ago.

I just saw the man yesterday with his bag of kibble underarm,

and I recall he was a fairly heavy smoker a while back,

but I haven’t seen him pull out a cigarette in years.

When we give our hearts as fair game for the breaking;

in whole, and without attempt of cheating the rules

or manipulating the boundaries,

only then, are we returned something of sanctity.

something abstract that cannot be measured in word or equation or form; something that has only one rule: it must, and can be, alone, felt.

We are given one piece of unchallenged knowledge when arriving to this existence:

every piece of it is temporary.

every single parcel of it all is Sugar Cube Purity.

I asked the vet for information about warning signs that my dog was nearing the end,

“the last thing I want is to unknowingly allow her to suffer” I told them.

I will make the choice, whenever that time comes, to gift back to her a small fraction of what she has given to me, throughout every moment she has been mine.

I will help her go, I will give her back to the earth and God, and whatever else it was that graced me with the gift of her existence.

I will bear the pain that comes with the choice of loving,

and as much as I hate to see it,

so will she, even if it’s just momentarily.

“People have held their dying children” I remind myself,

a last ditch effort to remove myself from some of the suffering;

to build a wall in my heart against the inevitable products of love.

but eventually I will return, after dismantling my imagined protection, brick by brick,

to this fundamental truth:

This love was never meant to be measured against its various other ‘selves’-

for Christ’s sake, I cried when my pet tree frog died,

and I still think of him-

And while I have never had to bear the extraordinary weight of loving and losing a child,

I am convinced that every manifestation of this beautiful, heart-wrenching gift

stands alone as its very own intrinsic experience,

that can only be measured alongside, not in comparison with, its innumerable other manifestations.

We cherish, and we are cherished.

we fear, and we are feared for.

we give, and we are returned gifts.

we are substantially changed with every experience of love

and its subsequent, and less welcomed friend, grief.

we are challenged to learn the value of our existence, through the eyes of those we value.

Love never fails, not because we are incapable of “failing” in our endeavors of love-

but because it is inherently reciprocal

and it always gives exceptionally more than it takes.

My dad tells me that upon learning the news that my grandmother was pregnant with him, her firstborn;

my great-grandma vowed to never smoke another cigarette, for as long as she lived.

and she never did.

We are instilled with the most powerful ingredient in the making of living,

right from the beginning.

we only choose to quiet its voice when those around us have forgotten how to let it burst loudly from within them;

when they stifle parts of it in themselves, and by association, in us.

When the time comes, I will get another dog.

I will go in with all the intentions of imagining that the painful second-phase of love is far off;

for it will be barely visible at the time.

but I know that I will allow it to arrive when it’s ready.

And for the time being, I will both bear and enjoy

the difficulty and intentionality of staying in this current, present manifestation of love with my dog,

for however long I am granted.

“To be loved, is to be changed.”

[blutea]

today the vet told me that my dog has a heart arrhythmia.

the diagnosis of cause could be a variety of things, but the end result is the same in every prognosis:

she is going to die.

I remember I used to wonder why people got pets.

I told my best friend that I wouldn’t put myself through the pain of loving something so much, just to know I only had a small fraction of my time on earth to give to it; even less, considering normal, daily things that require my presence or attention.

And then I got a dog.

and a cat, and another dog.

and every single one of them is going to die.

it could be in a year, or five years,

or I could get lucky with them, and they could live until they’re seventeen, or thirty-one-and-a-half, like the oldest living dog in the Guinness Book of World Records (if you ignore the possibility of that being a false claim).

but regardless of how long (or short) I am blessed with their presence and unconditional love,

I am reminded of how I sign up for devastating heartbreak without much consideration, nearly every day.

I read books and watch films where my favorite character dies, and I can see it coming long before I’ve closed the last chapter, or the credits roll.

I make friends with the knowledge that we may one day outgrow each other, and never speak again.

I watch an elderly neighbor feed stray cats in his spare time,

who tells me he was feeding a group of them once and noticed there was a single, pure white kitten of whom he was particularly fond,

whom weeks later, on his drive home from work, he saw lying on the side of the road after being struck by a vehicle;

its white fur striking against the monotone grey of the pavement.

He tells me about her, as he feeds this new group of kittens; tells me he spotted another pregnant mama the other day,

that there’s more on the way.

he tells me that the cats won’t come up to anyone else, but he can stand there amongst the kibble and cans and watch them eat, and every now and then one of them will approach him.

That white kitten died, to my knowledge, about nine years ago.

I just saw the man yesterday with his bag of kibble underarm,

and I recall he was a fairly heavy smoker a while back,

but I haven’t seen him pull out a cigarette in years.

When we give our hearts as fair game for the breaking;

in whole, and without attempt of cheating the rules

or manipulating the boundaries,

only then, are we returned something of sanctity.

something abstract that cannot be measured in word or equation or form; something that has only one rule: it must, and can be, alone, felt.

We are given one piece of unchallenged knowledge when arriving to this existence:

every piece of it is temporary.

every single parcel of it all is Sugar Cube Purity.

I asked the vet for information about warning signs that my dog was nearing the end,

“the last thing I want is to unknowingly allow her to suffer” I told them.

I will make the choice, whenever that time comes, to gift back to her a small fraction of what she has given to me, throughout every moment she has been mine.

I will help her go, I will give her back to the earth and God, and whatever else it was that graced me with the gift of her existence.

I will bear the pain that comes with the choice of loving,

and as much as I hate to see it,

so will she, even if it’s just momentarily.

“People have held their dying children” I remind myself,

a last ditch effort to remove myself from some of the suffering;

to build a wall in my heart against the inevitable products of love.

but eventually I will return, after dismantling my imagined protection, brick by brick,

to this fundamental truth:

This love was never meant to be measured against its various other ‘selves’-

for Christ’s sake, I cried when my pet tree frog died,

and I still think of him-

And while I have never had to bear the extraordinary weight of loving and losing a child,

I am convinced that every manifestation of this beautiful, heart-wrenching gift

stands alone as its very own intrinsic experience,

that can only be measured alongside, not in comparison with, its innumerable other manifestations.

We cherish, and we are cherished.

we fear, and we are feared for.

we give, and we are returned gifts.

we are substantially changed with every experience of love

and its subsequent, and less welcomed friend, grief.

we are challenged to learn the value of our existence, through the eyes of those we value.

Love never fails, not because we are incapable of “failing” in our endeavors of love-

but because it is inherently reciprocal

and it always gives exceptionally more than it takes.

My dad tells me that upon learning the news that my grandmother was pregnant with him, her firstborn;

my great-grandma vowed to never smoke another cigarette, for as long as she lived.

and she never did.

We are instilled with the most powerful ingredient in the making of living,

right from the beginning.

we only choose to quiet its voice when those around us have forgotten how to let it burst loudly from within them;

when they stifle parts of it in themselves, and by association, in us.

When the time comes, I will get another dog.

I will go in with all the intentions of imagining that the painful second-phase of love is far off;

for it will be barely visible at the time.

but I know that I will allow it to arrive when it’s ready.

And for the time being, I will both bear and enjoy

the difficulty and intentionality of staying in this current, present manifestation of love with my dog,

for however long I am granted.

“To be loved, is to be changed.”

[stoicbreviary]

The Continence of Scipio 1

The Continence of Scipio, sometimes called the Clemency of Scipio, is a wonderful story reflecting a distinctly Roman view of the virtues. The oldest surviving account is in Livy, and it eventually became a common theme in art, literature, and music during the Renaissance. 

Publius Cornelius Scipio, later known as Scipio Africanus, commanded a Roman army in Spain during the Second Punic War (218-201 BC). The Roman soldiers captured a beautiful woman, who was engaged to the Celtiberian prince, Allucius, an ally of the Carthaginians. 

She was presented to Scipio, perhaps because the soldiers knew of his reputation as a playboy. Instead of forcing himself upon her, making her a slave, or selling her for a hefty ransom, Scipio instead saw the opportunity to exercise his power with character. 

If only more leaders could think and act in this way! I find great inspiration in the many paintings of this noble scene. 

—3/2003 

* * * * * 

Soon afterwards an adult maiden who had been captured was brought to Scipio by the soldiers, a girl of such exceptional beauty that she attracted the eyes of all wherever she moved. On enquiring as to her country and parentage, Scipio learnt, amongst other things, that she had been betrothed to a young Celtiberian noble named Allucius. 

He at once sent for her parents and also for her betrothed, who, he learnt, was pining to death through love of her. On the arrival of the latter Scipio addressed him in more studied terms than a father would use. 

"A young man myself," he said, "I am addressing myself to a young man, so we may lay aside all reserve. When your betrothed had been taken by my soldiers and brought to me, I was informed that she was very dear to you, and her beauty made me believe it. Were I allowed the pleasures suitable to my age, especially those of chaste and lawful love, instead of being preoccupied with affairs of state, I should wish that I might be forgiven for loving too ardently. 

"Now I have the power to indulge another's love, namely yours. Your betrothed has received the same respectful treatment since she has been in my power that she would have met with from her own parents. She has been reserved for you, in order that she might be given to you as a gift inviolate and worthy of us both. 

"In return for that boon I stipulate for this one reward—that you will be a friend to Rome. If you believe me to be an upright and honorable man such as the nations here found my father and uncle to be, you may rest assured that there are many in Rome like us, and you may be perfectly certain that nowhere in the world can any people be named whom you would less wish to have as a foe to you and yours, or whom you would more desire as a friend."

The young man was overcome with bashfulness and joy. He grasped Scipio's hand, and besought all the gods to recompense him, for it was quite impossible for him to make any return adequate to his own feelings, or the kindness Scipio had shown him. 

Then the girl's parents and relatives were called. They had brought a large amount of gold for her ransom, and when she was freely given back to them, they begged Scipio to accept it as a gift from them; his doing so, they declared, would evoke as much gratitude as the restoration of the maiden unhurt. 

As they urged their request with great importunity, Scipio said that he would accept it, and ordered it to be laid at his feet. Calling Allucius, he said to him: "In addition to the dowry which you are to receive from your future father-in-law you will now receive this from me as a wedding present." He then told him to take up the gold and keep it. 

Delighted with the present and the honorable treatment he had received, the young man resumed home, and filled the ears of his countrymen with justly-earned praises of Scipio. A young man had come among them, he declared, in all ways like the gods, winning his way everywhere by his generosity and goodness of heart as much as by the might of his arms. He began to enlist a body of his retainers, and in a few days returned to Scipio with a picked force of 1,400 mounted men.

—from Livy, The History of Rome, 26.50

IMAGE: Giovanni Bellini, The Continence of Scipio (c. 1508) 

[userkass]

hey, friend! it's ☃️ again and oh yes, i'm all for naming the cute snowman. i'm thinking we can keep it simple and sweet, like perhaps snowy and frosty are good names? but i'm open to suggestions if you have any!

and yes, i love getting to know new fcs so thank you so much for that list. i'll make good use of it. and you've sparked my curiosity, so can you maybe tell me about the current and favorite characters you write? i'd love to get to know more of them! -- yours truly, ☃️

hello!! <3 frosty is always a solid name for a snowman, in norway for some reason we call him kalle, likely has to do with the name fitting the song best. who knows? it's also close to our word for cold. we'll go for frosty, because it's a name i can remember. i also think my main blog is up and running again, even though it's fun having this blog as well!! you're very welcome! me too, though! hmm, this is tricky cause i write a lot of characters. not as many as i was a while back, but i'll try to list a couple of my current favorites that i'm writing over in an rp! i'll put them under a read more though as knowing me it'll get long.

charlie fortier ( mercedes morris ) - her fc has changed quite a bit throughout the years and though she originated in the hp universe which might give a bit of an idea as to how long i've had her lmao since i can't actually remember the last time i rp'd it, she has changed quite a bit since. she is the main owner of her an ice cream shop that has been passed down through generations and she loves concocting new flavors and will test out every flavor once. she's very gay and is currently happily dating bea...after the longest slow burn. together they have a few dogs. in this particular rp, she happens to be a water sprite fae.

evan rathod ( summer bishil ) - another one of my beloved muses that i've managed to revamp, evan is quite different in the sense that they prefer to avoid people. her story has changed quite a bit in this rp, but they are a fire dragon who just escaped years of captivity and are now trying to adjust to being free and find their footing once more. they have a younger sister whom they absolutely adore and would do anything for. in the rp prior to this one, that was slice of life, so no dragons, they fell in love with an oliver jackson cohen fc and it's perhaps one of my favorite ships to write.

jocelyn lao ( jessie mei li ) - my little wannabe jeff goldblum in jurassic park. josie is an archaeologist that is very much someone that walks to the beat of her own drum. she loves reptiles and dinosaurs and has managed to create their own sort of sanctuary in the backyard where she's drawn inspiration from the jurassic park movies with the few reptiles they have rescued. they are a delight to write.

silas sanguis ( pedro pascal ) - admittedly, his backstory is a little inspired by the mikaelsons with some twists, but basically he's an old af vampire with an older brother who happens to be the leader of the vampires on the island he's currently inhabiting. silas doesn't necessarily care for or even enjoy politics, but he definitely takes advantage of the perks. his passion is wine and he's spent centuries perfecting various types of blood infused wines.

obsidian kincaid coldwell ( thomas doherty ) - cade, oh cade. he's definitely my current villain, as i have a tendency to always write one. he comes from a line of wixen that have the belief that they are the superior supernatural species. he is the second oldest of his siblings, just after his twin essie ( who i also play ) and was the favorite up until his brother was born as his seer gift was seen as less than to his brother's necromancy abilities. this, alongside with his family being responsible for his first love's death has resulted in him becoming very much an asshole and someone that does what he wants for his own gain. he's also currently trying to figure out a way to make wixen immortal.

It was hard to narrow it down, because I do have quite a few, but this was fun. ( my current muse count is 35, so i will spare you )

[i-did-not-mean-to]

Open letter to the Tolkien-fandom in general, and the Silmarillion-fandom in particular,

I, Fëanáro Curufinwë, firstborn son to Finwë and Míriel Þerindë, demand humbly petition to be treated better by you!

As all the others whom you extol to Tirion and back, I have languished in Mandos for long ages, and I cannot comprehend why I am the one who’s consistently treated like a villainous scoundrel.

May I remind you that my sons—whom I love very much—have perpetrated the most heinous crimes and yet, they seem to have found forgiveness in your eyes? The only twins I’ve ever thrown into a forest were my own and both came back alive and laughing; besides, I have never stolen babies from their cradle or driven young women into the cold, lethal arms of the ocean!

Moreover, even Morgoth—foe of foes—is granted mellifluous, romantic epics while I am always either abusing my wife, my siblings, or my children.

In your retellings and variations of the official accounts, I am also invariably dying, and everyone seems relieved my demise has differing effects—most of them insulting—on my immediate family and friends, depending on the writer and their mood.

Few and far in-between are the versions in which I am kept alive—unfortunately, this usually implies that someone else (like Ñolo who is then deplored bitterly) must die in my stead, which I find particularly unfair. I am either the unmourned or the aggrieved party, which sounds like a cruel jest.

You also appear to delight in imagining my torture slow mending in Mandos—I’d like to know why?

In truth, I’d love to believe that you merely imagine me as a tragic character, but I fail to feel the warm sympathy and the desire to comfort me in the way you treat me.

Consequently, I ask you very earnestly: Do I not deserve a happy end as well?

May not I also be made anew and be rewritten with a little more compassion?

I have seen the tales of my oldest son and his infamous, devious, seductive cousin, and I am likewise aware of how Turcafinwë—the rogue—has amassed fans and followers despite his condemnable behaviour.

Furthermore, the enemy and his terrible lieutenant, the self-satisfied Valar, and even Arafin’s ridiculous son (and Thingol! Elu Thingol—hmmm, I’d rather not expand on dead progeny and cursed stones at the present moment��But what about that Túrin who wed his own sister? Or Irissë’s maladapted son, the sneaky traitor?) have been habitually depicted in scenarios ranging from poetic to downright bawdy—thus, I shall refuse any attempt at convincing me that it’s the severity of my crimes that bars me from being shown in a positive, affectionate light. I see through your lies and cheap subterfuges easily!

Eru be my witness, even Indis’ sons have people lavishing praise and adoration upon their unworthy unnoteworthy ancillary heads—let me assure you, I am still the fairest and most impressive of my people!

Either way, I shall be standing here (right here!)—as soon as I’ve freshened up somewhat—to welcome the good people and brave writers stepping forth from the ranks of defamatory equivocators and literary cowards to give me what is due kindly bestow their gifts upon one humbled by his long absence and sincere penitence.

Fëanáro (etc)

Note by the editor (me): I decline all responsibility for this missive.

Nonetheless, I'd encourage you to be gentler with Fëanor (and maybe give his half-brothers some love?)

Ps: Here is your call-out post @ettelene; look what you've done!!!!!🥺💔

@i-did-not-mean-to commissioned me to draw Feanor being sad about people saying mean things about him on the internet, with an optional Nolo trying to comfort him. Now, Nolo is smart enough to not try to get to close to angy Feanor, so he tries talking him out of it instead. It works Extras:

And to IDNMT: Thank you so much for your support and kindness, not only for me, but for so many other people. You are amazing.

[star-ocean-peahen]

Give us the oot tea sis 👀

-Sky Floor

Hokay, I have my computer glasses, I took my sweater off, the fan is on, and my fingers don't hurt (too much :P), so let's go! (TL;DR at the bottom)

I started puzzling this out when I was trying to figure out what kind of story I was experiencing while playing. It's something I've been able to do for every Zelda game I've played: for Skyward Sword, Link is determined and loving, but has to temper and better himself over the course of the story in order to save the girl her loves. In Breath of the Wild, Link is picking up the broken pieces of a world he does not remember, discovering it and rediscovering it at the same time.

Link's story in Ocarina of Time is about loss and growing up. But it's a lot more complicated than simply, "he was a child but then he had his childhood ripped from him so he had to grow up too fast". How is it evidenced in the narrative? What kind of themes enhance this idea? How do the other characters and their positions and arcs support this main theme?

And then I got it. Every character in Ocarina of Time is defined by two things: The role they have to play, and their awareness of how this role affects them and other people. My experience in the game was loneliness and the constant feeling of the walls closing in. Link's story is that everyone in his life on whom he needs to depend is barred from understanding him, listening to him, and giving him the support he needs.

Of course, this is evidenced best by the various characters and the changes they undergo during the timeskip of seven years.

Saria, very plainly, represents Link's childhood innocence. She is his only friend that understands what his childhood was like and, and what it meant to him to be ostracized and bullied for not having a fairy, and what it would mean for him to leave her behind. She waits for him in a way that no one else does after seven years. She wants to see him again and make sure he's okay. Again, she thinks of him in a way that no other character seems to do. But this sweet friendship is stolen when she awakens as a Sage and says this:

"I always believed that you would come. Because I know you... No... You don't have to explain it to me... Because it is destiny that you and I can't live in the same world."

Destiny separates them. The divine role they have to play cuts Link off from his oldest and best friend.

Darunia, the Goron chief, welcomes Link with open arms after he defeats King Dodongo. He makes him his Sworn Brother and enthusiastically sees him on his way as a friend. Seven years later, Darunia recognizes him as an adult, but there is no time for them to catch up. Darunia's people are captured and dying, and the duty he has to his people brings him to ask Link to aid him in saving them. Once their victory is won, Darunia is now a Sage, and says this:

"You turned out to be a real man, just as I thought you would! By the way, I, the wild Darunia, turned out to be the great Sage of Fire... Isn't that funny, Brother? Well, this must be what they call destiny. Nothing has made me happier than helping you seal the evil here! Hey, Brother, take this! This is a Medallion that contains the power of the fire spirits--and my friendship."

Though Darunia expresses his pride in Link, he cannot support him any further. Destiny comes between them.

Ruto, the Princess of the Zora, makes Link a heated promise in her childlike adoration of him. Seven years later, she fully believes in his return for her (despite Link prooooobably not knowing what Marriage was at the time😬). She views her love for him as the valuable gift it is, but again, is debarred from letting her affections blossom by the necessity of their partnership in the fight against evil. And she recognizes the duty they both hold in this battle, saying:

"As a reward...I grant my eternal love to you. Well, that's what I want to say, but I don't think I can offer that now. I have to guard the Water Temple as the Sage of Water..."

Again, destiny comes between Link and a person who would love him. (Quick note: did Ruto actually consider Link's feelings? No. Does it look like she was capable of doing so, after seven years? I would say yes.)

Impa doesn't have as much to do with this, but I can't exactly skip her, can I? Devoted to her charge, Impa is dedicated to protecting the princess. After she awakens as a Sage, she commends Link for his courage and maturity, and asks him to protect Zelda in her stead.

"Now I see that you have become a fine hero... There's nothing to worry about... The Princess is safe now. Soon, you'll meet Princess Zelda face-to-face, and she will explain everything... That is when we, the six Wise Ones, will seal up the Evil King and return peace to Hyrule. I have to stay here... You go to Princess Zelda's side and protect her on my behalf."

Link takes on the responsibilities of an adult, which destiny placed on his shoulders.

The Gerudo leader, Sage of Spirit Nabooru breaks the mold. From her first introduction, she has no relation to destiny or a divine role, and in fact demonstrates her willingness to reject those who wish to make her do their will. To her, Link is not a beloved friend, or an awesome hero, or an adored ideal, or a light in the darkness. He is just a child who can aid her. It is incredibly significant to me that the only dialogue options in the entire game where Link can respond in more than "yes" and "no" are in his conversation with Nabooru.

(Footage from Arglefumph: The Nancy Drew Dude on Youtube)

What's this? The first opinion Link has ever expressed in this entire game??? Link from Breath of the Wild had a condition where the pressure and expectations on him made him unable to speak or emote, and I can't help feeling like the same might be true for the Hero of Time.

Anyway Nabooru also breaks the pattern by not encountering Link in the early stages of the game. When you get to the Spirit Temple portion of the game, Link travels back in time to meet her and then immediately goes back to the future (hehe) to continue her quest. When Nabooru meets him again in the future, he has freed her from the Twinrova's control and made it possible for her to awaken as a Sage, upon which she says this:

".......But isn't it funny? That a person like me could turn out to be the Sage of Spirit! And now, I'm going to fight them as one of the six Sages! Heh heh... I'm going to pay them back for what they did to me!"

Although Nabooru fits into her divine role more naturally than the other Sages, her destiny still divides her from the physical reality.

These are the Sages, the people aware of the turbulent destinies laid upon them and the divine duties they must shoulder. But the reactions of the other residents of Hyrule show a concerning trend: all of them see Link as only a portion of himself. To most townspeople, he's just a random kid all up in their business. To Mido, he's his rival for Saria's attention, and later, the kid that he failed. To Malon, he's the boy whose memory she holds dear, the man who had the courage to drive the evil out of her home. Some see a savior, some see a customer, some see a young man to run their errands, but they all see the image of the person they want to see. A mask, if you will.

And all of this comes to a head in Zelda/Sheik. Before the seven year timeskip, Princess Zelda is effectively Link's boss. She directs him to do what she cannot, in a desperate plan to take matters into her own hands when the adults refuse to listen. Sheik watches over him, inexplicably appearing and disappearing, always out of his reach.

The progressing relationship between Link and Sheik is something I'd like to detail. The first two temples, Link plays along. He follows Sheik's instructions and listens to his guidance. Every time he turns his back, Sheik vanishes. What really stuck with me in the encounters with Sheik was how they're the only person Link really knows is following with him. The only person who knows—understands—what he's going through, who chooses to reach out consistently and hand him the tools he needs. Link is so, indescribably, lonely.

In Lake Hylia after the Water Temple, when Sheik readies to vanish again, Link runs toward them. Link so rarely emotes in this game, which makes every stumble, every motion significant. In the encounter immediately after this, Link and Sheik partner in battle. They stand as equals for one cutscene—and that's all Link wants, really. To be on an even playing field with another person, not planner and executor, not childhood friend and adult, not a pawn in whatever game the one he's facing wants to play.

Then he meets Sheik in the Temple of Time, where they reveal themselves to be Zelda, and I'd like to imagine that Link allowed himself to hope. The imminence of destiny, of their divine roles, overshadows their conversation, but perhaps Link thought, for a moment, that his partner in destiny would see him as more than what she needed him to be.

But Zelda dashed these hopes to pieces after their victory over Ganon (Keep in mind that the final boss section is the only part I haven't played yet, although I have seen the cutscene at the end). She recognizes the hardship and loss Link has gone through, and blames her own choice to drag him into the uncaring saga of fate and destiny. Too blinded by guilt to recognize what he truly needs, she strips him of the relational connection he so desperately needed—and takes even more from him: the skill he had worked for, the future he earned, and every memoried record of his pain and struggle. In Zelda's misguided attempt to shoulder Link's responsibility, she sent him to the past with the mission to shoulder hers.

"All the tragedy that has befallen Hyrule was my doing... I was so young...I could not comprehend the consequences of trying to control the Sacred Realm. I dragged you into it, too. Now it is time for me to make up for my mistakes..."

And finally, we all know about Navi. (Honestly, I forgot about her for most of the game. All she does is prompt me towards the next dungeon and remind me that I cannot, in fact, open doors that are locked.) Well, I mean, about her mysterious departure. After Link is sent to the past, to the moment before he pulled the Master Sword, Navi up and drifts out the window like her wings turned into dandelion fluff.

This is the last blow, salt in the wound, if you will. The last entity who at least knew about Link's journey, however unhelpful and silent she may be, abandons him with no explanation. Aside, she is Link's last link (haha) to the home of his childhood. Without a fairy, he cannot navigate the Lost Woods and return to the Kokiri Forest. This metaphor assures us that Link's childhood innocence is irretrievable, that although he may have traveled to the past, Link himself remains the person he became over his adventure. However, Navi's departure also serves to signify the finality of Link's isolation, and tells us that truly he is now, more than ever, alone.

TL;DR In Ocarina of Time, Link's narrative is that of loneliness and loss, with companionship and support just out of his reach the whole game until it is locked away forever.

Some extra video essay insights on Ocarina of Time: Every Zelda Is The Darkest Zelda by Jacob Geller Ocarina of Time: A Masterclass in Subtext by Good Blood

To confirm: This essay is based on my personal experiences and therefore personal interpretation of the game.

Also: FUCKING THANK YOU NABOORU WHY DID IT TAKE SO LONG FOR SOMEONE TO MENTION THIS /j

[badlucksav]

I'm fashionably late (as always) but today is Fanfic Writers Appreciation Day, so I need to gush about some very incredible, talented people, some of whom I'm very lucky to consider friends. This is probably going to be very lengthy, so if you don't want to see me scream about how amazing these lovely people are, I suggest you keep scrolling.

I've been in fandom for just over 2 years, and I've met some incredible people along the way. Here's what I love about them:

@neurologicaldamage as one of my oldest fandom friends, I have long enjoyed screaming excitedly at each other over new ideas or plot developments in existing fics. It was a thrilling ride waiting for each update of "These Scars of Ours". Your angst is the most exquisite type of pain I will gladly subject myself to over and over again.

@authorjoydragon JOY! My beloved multishipper. You are one of, if not the, biggest reason I have blossomed into the fully fledged multishipping trash that I am today. Your fics are like the sweetest, fluffiest piece of cake I can enjoy. I can't even remember the first fic I ever read from you. I definitely remember "Accidental Rendezvous" though, and I am forever honored you commissioned me for it! @orangepanic you took someone who wasn't even that into the LoK fandom and gave her a whole new OTP while she was on hiatus from Zutara. You are the captain of Irosami, and I am humbled to have become your first mate on this wonderful little ship. I have adored everything that I've read from you so far, but I am deeply enjoying "Hotman" and "Starvation Paradise", as well as your new gift for me, "There Was Only One Bed".

@homeagainrose Not only are you a talented writer, you are also an endless well of knowledge that has become invaluable to me (and many others, I'm sure). "Summer At the Swimming Dragon" is everything, and my excitement is palpable every time you update it. But of course, everything you write is superb (also a big fan of "Hello Sailor").

@asajjvxntress You were one of the first Zutara writers I stumbled across. It was "I've Got A Dark Alley" if memory serves, and definitely contributed to my love of modern AUs. I fell in love with "New Girl" and then watched the show, which is now one of my favorites and it's all because of you! Your output feeds our ship so well, and we are honored to have you.

@myargalargan O Captain, Our Captain of the lovely Sukka ship. Your writing is so darling. Sukka is so wholesome, but somehow it feels even more like that when you write them. You take a side pairing and make them a main pairing. "Our Little Remedy" was much anticipated, and I must thank you for introducing all of us to...you know *wink wink*.

@krastbannert My dude, the way you write is so...hauntingly captivating. Even on your happiest fics, there's always this slight air of melancholy that I just adore. The way you get into a character's head is so amazing, too. It feels like you've cracked them wide open and studied them to understand them as well as you do. "Brave Soldier Girl" captured my attention with just one chapter. @heavensenthearty you give 100% to everything you do with your writing. You have such a poetic way with words. It doesn't feel like first person works often with fanfic, but you always make it work perfectly. @its-sooz-again Where do I begin? The pairings, the topics, the characters you explore are sometimes things I never would have thought of, but when I read you writing (or look at your art) I think, wow, this just makes sense. I've always loved Jet, but you've given him such a profound sense of humanity for me that has deepened my love for our favorite traumatized orphan of war. "The Break in the Bend" lives rent free in my head.

@lone-star-ranger you write some of the best fluff! The way you seamlessly weave canon into AUs, AtLA with LoK, Azula with Star Wars, is incredible. You've gifted me so many wonderful fics and have truly become my first mate on the S.S. Yuten, for which I am always deeply indebted to you. "Perks of Matchmaking" is short and sweet, and I'm forever honored that my gift for you inspired a fic that you gifted to me. I've rambled on long enough, and thank you if you've made it this far. Here are some honorable mentions who deserve all of the praise, but I'll be here all night if I try: @siambre, @marijayne-writing, @barelyaware, @mycomfortblanket, @boomerangguy, @thatoneguy56fanfic, and so many others! Thank you for all that you do.

[theshotsheardacrossworlds]

My chaos gremlin side is coming out again. What if Aymeric was infected with the love booster and got infatuated with Agni. Just wanna see what a jelly Estinien looks like. Btw your work is amazing as always

(Ty so much <3 <3 <3 And I love getting all your asks!)

"Erm, love...I...oh dear...can you meet me at home? I'm afraid it's a bit of an emergency." Agnes said nervously over linkpearl. "Esme and I are fine! Just...please come home."

Despite his rapidly increasing heart beat pounding in his chest, Estinien nodded. "Aye, I'll be home shortly." The Radiant Host will be without their trainer, but Agi and Esme come first.

After excusing himself for the rest of the day, he arrived home to find Esme laying on her back in the pack'n'play Alphinaud and Alisaie had gifted them. Normal. Aymeric trying to kiss Agi...WAIT A SECOND?!?!!?

"Love, so...the three of us were walking around the shops and well...it happened again." Oh for fuck's sake. "Aymeric, please..."

Aymeric was on his knees now, nearly prostrating himself to Agnes, who was blushing and deeply fucking embarrassed. "My lady, pray allow me to love you, cherish you, adore you! I'll dress you in the finest clothes and jewelry! Read you poetry! Compose poetry and song so that all may know of you!"

"Aymeric, we're friends." Agnes sighed, patting him on the head. "We're very good friends. I've never felt that way for you--"

Damn right. She's only ever loved me, asshole!

"Agnes, my dearest, I can prove myself to you! To be worthy of your love! Allow me to duel your husband, my oldest friend, for your hand!" Aymeric stood and glared at Estinien. "We shall fight to the death, Estinien Varlineau."

"NO!!!!" Agnes screeched, causing Esme to cry.

You're a great fighter, Aymeric, but with Nidhogg on my side, you're not winning this.

Estinien picked up the baby and held her close. "Your Uncle Aymeric is a bit under the influence right now. Sorry." He whispered to Esme.

"AYMERIC DE BOREL, YOU ARE FIGHTING NO ONE!" Despite knowing that the alchemists were the only ones who could cure him, Agnes could not stop herself from doing what she did next, shocking even Estinien.

She slapped Aymeric.

"Get your shit together, ser!"

Estinien, still holding Esme, blinked several times.

Aymeric's mouth was agape.

"Even...with...you know...you should know better than to threaten your best friend! Apologize to Estinien right now! AND TO ME!" Holy shit, Agi may slap him again.

Once again, Aymeric fell to his knees. "Pray forgive me, Estinien, dearest lady. I-I am not myself." He looked at Agnes with pleading eyes. "I wish to please you. Tell me how I must. Command me!"

Agnes sighed and rolled her eyes. "Get your ass up, and we're going to find some alchemists, whom I may threaten with violence when all is said and done." She walked to Estinien and Esme, giving them both kisses. "Sorry about this."

"No worries, my angel. I know where your heart truly lies...and having been the recipient of both ends of this, I'm glad it's not me again." He chuckled. There was one time where I thought Agi would be better off with Aymeric. Turns out I'm the man she wants and deserves, as she is the woman I want and deserve.

SHE LOVED ME FIRST AND LOVES ME STILL!

[quillsink]

AIGHT WHO WANTS TO HEAR ABOUT THE BLORBOS FROM MY MIND!! part 1/???

Okay so if you’ve followed me for a bit you’ve probably heard about my OCs. I have a Lot of them but the main three whom I love with all my heart are James, Alan and Chris!! Putting this under cut because it is Long as hell. Please send me asks about them I love them so fucking much

Okay so James, Alan and Chris are a trio of friends! I created them in January 2021. James is the most developed character and my personal fav (don’t tell alan and chris shhhh) he was the first one to be created! Alan, his best friend, followed and then Chris. 

The trio are a group of low ranked soldiers in the Revolutionary War, all of the trio in their early twenties with Alan being the oldest at 25 and a half and James the youngest at 21/22/23 (haven’t decided his age yet rip). 

All three have very different personalities although they all look like your average dude and they all bond over a bunch of shit especially mental illness and being queer (totally not projecting here. nope not at all)

Anyways enough rambling time to introduce them!!

In this post I’ll be talking about James, I’ll talk about Alan and Chris in other posts!

James Evans

JAMES, MY CHILD MT SWEET BABY BOY I WANT TO CRADLE THIS FULLY GROWN MAN AND KISS HIM ON THE FOREHEAD AND TUCK HIM INTO BED, HE IS MY BOY, MY SWEET CHILD, MY LVIE MY DARLING ANGLE CHILD I WOULD GIVE MY LIFE FOR THIS MAN THAY I MADE UP

Okay now time to actually introduce him to yall!

James is your average mentally ill white boy, you can find millions of them in high school classrooms across America. He was born to a poor family and his parents were okayish but he basically fucked off and did his own thing like jon clark and then proceeded to be traumatised because I can’t let my OCs have nice things!

James is cis, he uses he/him, is the sort of guy who’s like “i do not understand what trans people are in the slightest but if anyone misgenders you i will push them into a river,” and yeah he’s pretty cool!! He’s gay and I basically coped with my internalised homophobia by projecting it onto him so yeah that fucked him up Badly.

I basically like invented him because I needed a gay character for a fic and then realised I accidentally gave him like, character traits, and now here I am over a year later still obsessed with this white guy I made up

Anyways him being gay is pretty central to his character, it reallt contributed to the alienation he faced growing up and this whole sense of being different from everyone else, it also made him more withdrawn but it also made him stronger and helped him learn how to endure the unendurable and being gay led to him making some reallt strong connections with some of his closest friends.

He has depression and anxiety and is some form of neurodivergent, probably adhd but he has no clue what is going on Up There except that he is Different  and it fucked him up as a kid. He was bullied and teased a lot so he became reallt withdrawn and quite. He wasn’t like teacher’s pet gifted kid but he was decently smart and got through til tenth grade, then had to work to support his family.

Now, when he’s like 20ish, ✨ le amrev ✨ starts and this mf signs up to be a soldier because like idk why not. That’s his entire motto brosties hes literally just some guy. He wakes up and he does things and he’s gay and then he goes to sleep. That’s it that’s his life and that’s very sexy of him actually

Anyways he signs up for the army and so does our bestie Alan. Alan and James are very very different but they end up becoming besties and James being the gay idiot (affectionate) that he is ends up falling head over heals for this depressed mf and spends his days being gay for Alan! They’re very close friends and I haven’t decided when they met yet, childhood or teens or army but ah well

Anyways onto James’s personality! He is my sweet baby boy and I love him very much in case I have not made that clear! Anyways he is Anxious. A lot. All the time. And he’s a major people pleaser as well and he often puts others before himself to his detriment at times until alan is like motherfucker take care of yourself

James is also one of the victims of something I like to call the great depresso  and he’s had it since he was like twelve but he’s just like vibing at this point. Like yeah I hate my life and I want to (redacted) sometimes but idk life’s pretty neat. Depression is shitty for him and he can be pessimistic at times 

but at the end of the day he is an optimist and he always finds hope in *everything* to the point where alan is like brostie if you don’t stop being happy then you’ll cute mt depression and the one steady thing in my life will be gone and james is like well what about me and they have an awkward gay moment 

ALAN AND JAMES’ DYNAMIC THO >>>>> i love them sm it’s unreal i will literally just think about them. like just have thoughts about them. like literally.

I’ll talk abt that later after I introduce Alan’s character!

OKAY NOW. AN IMPORTANT PART. JAMES AND LAURENS!!

James and John are like, besties and I love their dynamic so fuxking much. I would kill to see the two of them interact like i fucking love them so much you don’t even understand.

Anyways James and my interpretation of John are very very similar. Both very withdrawn very quiet very repressed desperate for affection sensitive affected really badly by homophobia internal and external dont trust very easily. They bond instantly and there is something there and they don’t really know what it is bevause it’s like they’ve never met anyone else so similar to them before. They’re like brothers.

The two of them have a quiet understanding. They can wander the woods for hours and say barely a few words but they understand, one heart can speak to another if they are designed to fit together. They met and they....clicked. It took time for both of them to learn to trust the other and realise the other wouldn’t betray them and report them for being gay but soon they’re the closest of friends. And then John fucking dies 

Also like the dynamic between James and John is entirely platonic btw they don’t have any romantic feelings for each other, they’re like soulmates but platonic 

Also I cannot understate how much I love James and John silently wandering the woods together. The woods are very very important for James and Alan and to John too and James and John find a shared peace in this. They just wander the woods for hours on end John lying down with his eyes closed head resting on a log James staring up at the canopy watching the sunlight filter through asking John why God invented sunlight John saying because he needed a place to put love.

Wait that was oddly poetic 

Anyways James james james. James my sweet beloved boy. James james james anxious smiles hugging his best friend coming to terms with being gay nervously approaching people he thinks are cool laying in grass fields wooden cabins soft breezes James. James mt angel darling child. I would die for this man. *shakes you by the shoulders* DO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH I LOVE HIM

[bloededhoine]

world building cause twn doesn't part 9: mages

you probably know a lot about mages on account of them being fucking awesome and super sexy, so let's dive into what exactly makes them that way.

colour code cause i fucking love colour codes - already happened/introduced, probably s2, important background info, stuff that might be in the prequel, extras

series masterpost

what are mages?

put simply, mages are anyone skilled and educated in the use of magic. but, most mages are also incredibly adept in politics, science, and religion

the vast majority of mages serve on royal courts, but others are teachers, researchers, or just kinda hobos

anyone can use basic magic (ie witcher signs), but it takes both natural talent and extensive training to be an actual mage

also important to note that while druids and priests can and do use magic, they aren't usually considered mages since they're not as involved in politics and science

education

mages go to school! a lot! powerful mages tend to track down young potential students and bring them to a school to receive formal training

well, "bring them" is a bit reductive, it's more like kidnapping.

there are quite a few important schools, so let's go!

aretuza is definitely the one you are the most familiar with, mostly because it's just the best. aretuza is an all girls academy located in temeria, a northern kingdom known for its powerful mages

aretuza is led by a rectoress, an incredibly powerful sorceress responsible for training the young adepts. i think there's only been 4 ever, first klara larissa de winter (also the founder), then leticia charbonneau, then tissaia de vries (the milf right there, and rectoress as of twn), and finally margarita laux antille

ban ard is the boys version of aretuza, located in kaedwen. the magicians from ban ard are notably... unskilled? they're just kind of clowns. the rector of ban ard was gerhart of aelle, also known as hen gedymdeith, because there's nothing like a nonsensical pseudonym to up your credibility. gerhart was literally the oldest mage alive until his heart died. after him, dorregary of vole took over as rector

mages in the north are pretty much exclusively trained at either aretuza or ban ard, but nilfgaard has a magical academy too!

the imperial magic academy is a co-ed school in loc grim, one of nilfgaard's two capitals. the emperors of nilfgaard tend to hire mages directly from this school

types of mages

most mages tend to specialize in a certain area of magic, such as illusions, alchemy, divination, polymorphy, weaponry, or spycraft

this is extra useful when assembling a team. not that anyone in particular is assembling a team, it's just good to know.

the brotherhood of sorcerers

the brotherhood is the main organization of mages in the witcher. they basically set the rules of magic for all the mages in the north, which are that demonology, necromancy, and artifact compression are strictly not allowed. the punishment was exclusion from the brotherhood and being locked in dimeritium (mage kryptonite) for centuries, but practically no one followed the rules or was punished

the brotherhood exists on a hierarchy, with most mages in the north making up the lower level, the council of wizards in the middle, and the chapter of the gift and the art at the top

the council is made up of a small group of mages that hold influence over the brotherhood but still need to answer to the chapter, as of twn the members are yennefer of vengerberg, philippa eilhart, radcliffe, carduin, and fercart. sheala de tancarville was part of it too, but she left

the chapter has the highest influence of magic in the north (and possibly the continent). it was founded by herbert stammelford, aurora henson, ivo richert, agnes of glanville, geoffrey monk, and radmir of tor carnedd. by twn, all of them had died or left, so the chapter was made of tissaia de vries, enid an gleanna, gerhart of aelle, vilgefortz of roggeveen, and artaud terranova. narses de la roche was the grandmaster of the chapter in 1245, but wasn't that involved much after.

politics

after mages graduate, the brotherhood usually places them on the court of a king/queen as an advisor. they're supposed to help strategize, conduct research, and just heighten the magical abilities of a kingdom

do they do this? nope

most mages are meant to clean up their king's messes, but usually get fed up and rule the entire kingdom from behind the scenes to fit their own agendas

can mages have babies?

short answer: yeah! although magic can make it harder to have babies, lots of sorceresses would take extra care to make sure they were as unaffected as possible. the forced sterilization was tissaia de vries' idea, and since she trained the vast majority of sorceresses we meet, most of them can't have babies

and yes, it's irreversible. sorry yen

geralt's mum, visenna, was trained as a druid, so she was still able to have geralt while practicing magic

who are they?

we meet a Lot of mages, so let's get to know a couple, starting with the ladies!

let's start with the lovely lovely yennefer. she was trained at aretuza under tissaia de vries, who became a mother figure to her. yen was also the youngest member of the council, as of twn she's 90. yes, that's very young to have a position of that caliber, especially since yen wasn't even an official advisor to aedirn's king

we all know and love hate triss merigold. she's one of the youngest sorceresses we meet, at the first season of twn she's 40 (book canon, she's made older in the show). triss also studied at aretuza and is currently one of king foltest of temeria's court mages

sabrina glevissig. slutty sabrina (affectionate) was yennefer's classmate at aretuza and became advisor to king henselt of her native kaedwen.

fringilla vigo is supposedly yen and sabrina's classmate from aretuza, but she is actually quite a bit younger than both of them and went to the imperial academy in her home country nilfgaard. fringilla specializes in illusion magic and (in book canon) is really not evil. she's a little slutty and stupid, but so is sabrina and dandelion and about half the people we meet!

we see skelliger sorceress lytta neyd, aka coral, aka astrid lyttneyd ásgeirrfinnbjornsdottir, at the battle of sodden hill where she unfortunately dies. coral was also very fond of breaking the brotherhood's rule against article compression (magically turning a person into a jade figurine, a wholly unpleasant experience)

temerian sorceress keira metz is one of the youngest mages we meet, she's around the same age as triss, whom she serves on foltest's court alongside

i mentioned philippa eilhart as a member of the council, and i'll mention her again as the love of my life. philippa is old. like, over 300. she's also one of the only mages to master polymorphism, and spends a solid portion of her time as an owl. philippa is redanian king vizimir's official advisor, but she, along with trusted?? associate lover sigismund dijkstra, really rules the entire country with vizimir as a puppet

sheala de tancarville is yen and phil's colleague from the council, but she left because it got too realpolitik for her tastes. sheala's from creyden (same place as renfri), but very rarely served her country's interests in favour of researching magic and being a reclusive bookworm. i'm serious. her nickname is literally the recluse of kovir

tissaia de vries. easily one of the most powerful and respected mages on the continent, member of the chapter, current rectoress of aretuza, and general badass. like most scholars, she wasn't involved in politics and doesn't even have a known nationality.

francesca findabair, also known as enid an gleanna, is an elven sorceress and member of the chapter. by twn she's easily 150 and very well established, although a sufferer of chronic backstabber syndrome.

assire var anahid is one of fringilla's nilfgaardian besties, although neither are actually nilfgaardian. assire is our good friend cahir's great-aunt, a military expert, and mom to her cat merlin

onto the gents!

let's start with the worst, istredd! i for incel, s for stupid, t for testicle-less (once i find him), r for racist, e for ew, d for dead (again, once i find him), and d for dipshit. in twn he's in cahoots with equally disgusting sorcerer...

stregobor! *vomits* you remember him as the koviri sorcerer who loves tracking down and murdering young girls, many of which have been exiled from their homes and tortured. he's just a lovely guy.

vilgefortz of roggeveen is sort of a walking spoiler, so i won't go too much in depth about him, but we can know he was raised by druids and, when offered a magical education, refused. he then became a mercenary, then a spy, then a wanted man, and finally trained to become a mage. despite his unusual backstory and late start, vilgefortz was insanely talented and, at less than a century old, became a member of the most powerful group of mages on the continent.

i mentioned gerhart of aelle aka hen gedymdeithe, as the oldest mage alive. he's at least 500. and then some. he's also a member of the chapter, but this position is more of a courtesy than a meaningful addition to the brotherhood.

finishing up the chapter, we have artaud terranova. he's not important yet, but will probably be in season two. all you need to know is he's short and a little mean and trusted by vilgefortz

fercart of cidaris is the third (but only male and non-temerian) member of foltest's royal council, and fairly unimportant member of the council of wizards

carduin of lan exeter was advisor to koviri king esterad thyssen and member of the council. he was also one of radovid's advisors, which didn't go over too well as radovid's other advisor, philippa eilhart, doesn't share too well

last and sort of least, we have radcliffe of oxenfurt. he was advisor to demavend of aedirn, from whom he probably met yennefer.

[donutloverxo]

On the run

Authors note - this is a series of closly related one shots hence tagged as soft!reader. This is for Ambers challenge! Hope you like it! This is like there was only one room instead of there was only one bed.

Please do not steal or repost my works on any other site. Reblogs are welcome.

Run through - You have to go on the run with your husband and share a room with Bucky.

Warnings - smut, daddy kink, voyeurism (fucking right next to Bucky lol), cockwarming, angst

Pairing - Steve Rogers x soft!reader

Word count - 3.3k

Masterlist is linked in the bio!

You paced back and forth in your living room. It wasn’t exactly yours but it had been your home for the past four years. Your floor to ceiling windows gave you an extensive and broad view of new York City. You were on the highest floor of the tower, it made the huge city seem so city. Usually the lights soothed you whenever you were anxious. But you weren’t sure if you had ever been so scared. Scared for your husbands life, scared for your future.

Steve had broke the law. Your Steve, the Captain America. It was so ironic. He was declared a terrorist and a wanted man. You felt as if this was a fever dream. Never in a million years did you think something like this would happen.

From what you knew Steve refused to sign the accords. Which you understood, he had his reasons and they were completely valid. You hoped the team would work it out amongst themselves and come to a compromise somehow. But from the looks of it, that will never happen. No one really asked for your opinion. Even if you were like family to them, at the end of the day you were a simple accountant turned stay at home wife. A job you had to give up to be with your Steve. When it got too dangerous for you to go out in the world. You hoped maybe just maybe, Steve would do the same for you. He talked of retiring, becoming a high school professor or working on his art. And like an idiot you let yourself indulge in that fantasy and got sweeped away.

Your life wasn’t bad by any means, in fact it was too perfect. Your friends were often envious of your perfect marriage and your dutiful husband. But you wanted more for Steve. You wanted him to slow down a bit, enjoy life, to not wake up screaming in the middle of the night in a pool of his own sweat and tears. You loved all of him, but you loved him the most when he was happy. Being an Avenger took a huge toll on him. You just wanted him to be happy.

You were being ‘escorted’ to the interrogation room. You had only been there once, to see Steve. You never thought you would be the one being interrogated.

You couldn’t help but feel resentful. You were in this grey room, under the harsh fluorescent lights, being asked all sort of intrusive questions as if you were a criminal, because of him. You gave up everything for him. You completely gave yourself to him. You didn’t have much left.

“Are you sure?” The man in the black suit asked again.

“Yes I’m sure! I think I would remember if my husband contacted me” you snapped.

“Alright. Please calm down ma'am” He said and you rolled your eyes at his patronising tone “You can leave for now but you’re not allowed to leave the premises. Let us know as soon as Rogers contacts you. If you don’t you will be an accomplice to his crimes”

His words echoed in your head on the way to ‘your' apartment. You sat back on your couch ready to drown your worries and your sorrows in some wine. The portrait Steve painted of you in a short white sundress, playing with some birds like a Disney Princess, hung on your wall almost taunting you. It was all superficial wasn’t it?

All the gifts he gave you, all the sketches he made of you. Every time he held the door open for you or tenderly made love to you, looking into your eyes and staring deep into your soul. Did all of that really matter? If he didn’t consider you or your relationship while doing something as brash as – you didn’t even know what he did. His duty won over his love for you. It always would.

You should’ve known. Your mother warned you. Told you you’re not the kind of person that would be fine with being the second or even fifth priority. Too possessive, too loving. People like you only ever get their hearts broken.

What did the future hold for you? You knew Steve, or at least you thought you did. You knew he wouldn’t help a war criminal. A terrorist. Sure said terrorist was Steve’s friend, but Steve was the kind of person that held others accountable. But at the end of the day Steve was just a human and a softie. You could see him being so loyal and going till the end of the line for his buddy.

You hummed as you felt a hand caressing your cheek. The feeling of his calloused fingers felt so familiar. It was a nice dream, an escape from this dystopian reality. You’d like to live in it forever but then your eyes snapped open as you heard him call out your name.

You sat up quickly sat up straight “Steve” you blurted out as you looked at your husband. In a dark blue, red, and white which was dirty enough to be black, suit. His short blond hair a bit frizzy, his left cheek blue and purple, unlike the neat and tidy look he usually sports. You looked into his eyes, which looked so tired and exhausted.

“We have to get out of here right now” He said gravely. But then his face softened. “It’s not safe here for you doll. I can’t leave you here, where I won’t be able to protect you” he said cupping your face with his hands.

You should have asked him a million questions. If what they were saying was true. Did he really help a terrorist? Attack his friends, whom you considered your family. But you didn’t. You simply crashed your lips upon his, taking his breathe away. It was soft, sweet but needy. Just like most of your reunion kisses. “I’ll follow you anywhere Steve” You said pulling away and looking into his sky blue eyes.

He gave your forehead a soft kiss before pulling you up. Telling you to collect your things as quickly as you can. You changed into a pair of jeans and sweatshirt, packing a few more t-shirts and pants.

“Hurry up doll we don’t have long” he urged you.

You made your way out of the apartment. You were walking to the elevator thinking you would be going down on it. “No, y/n we have to take the stairs. Come on” he took your hand.

He lead you to the emergency exit, one you didn’t even know existed. He was always good at reading and remembering maps. You smiled thinking of the time he easily got you both out of a very complicated Halloween maze.

“Steve why are we going upstairs?” You asked panting and trying your best to keep up with his face. You weren’t blessed with the super serum, you weren’t a huge fan of working out either.

“We have to take the jet and leave the country” He said rubbing your back. After a few seconds he hauled you over his shoulder “Hold on” He said sprinting up the stairs.

“Wouldn’t they notice us leaving in a literal quinjet?” You asked “What happens if you get caught Steve? What will they do to you?”

“Don’t worry about that right now” You wanted to laugh. Not worry? You were literally fleeing the country. How could you not worry.

You finally made it to the terrace, shivering in Steves hold against the chilly air Steve set you down in the jet. Before working on the kinks to get it started.

Surprisingly you made it out without anyone following you but you held your breathe. Not letting your guard down until you knew you were completely safe. As soon as you were in the air Steve put the jet on stealth mode. Finally letting his back rest against his chair and letting out a deep sigh.

“Steve” you couldn’t help the quiver in your voice trying your best to hold in your tears. “what is going on? Is it true? What they were saying?”

“What were they saying?” he said quirking a brow at you.

“That you helped a terrorist and you’re like a... war criminal now” you struggled to get the words out. Uncomfortable to even think such a thing could happen.

“You really think I could do something like that” He rested his elbows on the arms of his seat staring you down.

“I don’t. That’s why I’m here. But I have a right to know what happened”

His brows remained furrowed, as if he didn’t believe you. You had no idea how he managed to turn the whole conversation around and put you on the spot. “It’s Bucky” He said, his hard face softening.

Bucky, his best friend. Steve had carried the guilt of his death on his shoulders for years. Which only got worse when he found out that Bucky was indeed alive, being used as a weapon by hydra. “They tried to frame him. He didn’t do anything wrong. He’s been suffering for years”

You briskly got up from your seat as you saw the tears escape his eyes. You were selfish. Only caring about how this whole ordeal was affecting you. You couldn’t even imagine what Steve must have gone through. You sat on his lap, hugging him close to you as he held onto you so tightly, as if you would disappear if he didn’t. “Promise me you’ll never leave me” he choked out against the crook of your neck.

You ran your fingers through his hair lightly scratching his head with your nails, in the way you knew he liked. “I would never leave you Steve. I promise”

Over five hours later you made it to Moldova. A small country in eastern Europe. Steve hid the jet, saying he would need it later, since he had to come up with a plan to rescue your friends. Which would be much harder than rescuing you, they were in a maximum security prison, in the middle of a freaking ocean.

You tried your best to not think about that when you were on your way to a motel. You were nervous to meet Bucky, who Steve said would be there with you. You had never met any of Steve’s family. Since well they were dead. Back when you started dating he wasn’t really friends with his coworkers, so you never really received ‘the shovel talk' from them.

This was nerve wracking. What if he thought you weren’t worthy of Steve? Bucky was the only link to Steve’s past, his oldest friend, surely his opinion would mean the world to Steve.

“Hey it’ll be okay” Steve said squeezing your thigh from the drivers seat, something he liked to do whenever you both drove together. “I would never let anything happen to you. You know that right?” He looked at you before looking back at the icy roads.

“It’s not that. I know you’ll keep me safe Stevie. If nothing else I believe in that” You said as he gave you a small smile “this is all just overwhelming you know? I mean would we ever get to go back?” You asked although you knew neither of you knew the answer. “and then there’s Bucky”

“What about Bucky?” he asked.

“What if... he doesn’t like me? I know it’s silly!” You whined before he could make a snarky comment “We have other things to worry about and whatever but I want to make a good impression. Is there something I should remember not to do? Or to do?” You scrunched your nose at your strange question and this stranger reality. Where you get to meet your husbands best friend at the worst timing.

“Uh...” He contemplated your words for a minute “Well don’t hug him. I know you like to do that” he let out a laugh at just how sweet and likeable you are and how Bucky would love you the second he lays his eyes on you “Don’t worry sweetheart. Bucky’s the last thing you have to worry about. You wouldn’t have to even try to get him to like you”

You finally parked at the motel. Ever the gentleman, Steve held the door open for you holding your hand as you made your way up the shaky stairs. Steve knocked three times on the door before the tall brunette whom you recognised as Bucky from all his old pictures opened the door. He let you both in. You took off your coat the room wasn’t as warm as you’d like but it was definitely better than the harsh cold outside.

You watched as Steve embraced Bucky in a hug asking him how he was doing. You tried not to let your gaze linger too long on him, but you couldn’t help but admire him. He was a few inches shorter than Steve, but he had the same alert soldiery stance as Steve and the similar Brooklyn accent. Not to mention he was one of the most handsome men you’ve ever seen. He definitely looked more aged and somehow different than in the photos.

Steve introduced you “This is my wife” He said and Bucky gave you a small smile.

“This punk couldn’t stop talking about you” He said grabbing Steve by the back of his neck.

You were happy to see that even if they both had changed over time, their friendship and bond remained the same. “Good things I hope” You playfully squint your eyes at Steve.

“I’d never say anything bad about you doll” He walked towards you kissing your forehead and putting the backpack you packed on the bed. “You must be tired, you wanna go to bed?” He sat down on the bed cracking his neck, the stress of the last few days getting to him.

You finally had a chance to look around the room. It was what you’d expect from a shady motel. White floors which were now almost yellow, torn wallpaper and an old television. But then you looked at the twin beds. Looks like you’ll have to share one with Steve. You hoped he would be able to get proper sleep, with how tired he looked he really needed it. “I’m tired?” you teased him.

After freshening up and changing into your night clothes, you settled on the bed, sighing in relief as your sore back touched the hard mattress. Out of the corner of your eye you caught a glimpse of Bucky settling in on his bed beside you and his metal hand peeking out of his long sleeved shirt. You wondered what it looked it, did it hurt him? How was he able to move it so naturally as if it’s a part of his body? You really had to bite your tongue to not let your curiosity get the best of you.

“This will have to do for tonight sweetheart” Steve said spooning you from behind and pulling you into him. You sighed out as you felt his bare and warm chest through your tank top. You wouldn’t have to worry about being chilly. Bucky turned to lay on his side away from the both of you.

You hummed as Steve snaked a hand past your tank top and resting it on your soft tummy. Drawing small random patterns on it. Bucky turned off the lights, it wasn’t completely dark, there was plenty of moonlight coming through the window. You insisted on helping Steve out of his steath suit, so you could check in on his wounds and treat them, it was a post mission ritual for you both. But Steve refused to let you in as he changed in the bathroom alone. You feared that his wounds were worse than he was letting on.

“I missed you princess” he whispered in your hair, snapping out of your thoughts. “did you miss me?”

Bucky was snoring and seemed to be in a deep slumber but just to be safe you kept your voice low “I did” You said wiggling your ass against his crotch. You weren’t surprised to find his pretty hard erection there.

“Yeah?” He smirked ghosting his fingers at the elastic of your shorts “how much” before he could dip his fingers your hands stopped him

“Not now” you whispered harshly “Bucky is sleeping right there” you scolded. How he could even think about sex right now you had no idea. You would be mortified if you Bucky woke up to find you both in the middle of it.

“We’ll just be quiet” He said slipping his fingers past your shorts and panties and between your thighs. You wanted to stop him. You really did. But you realised just how much you missed him when he brushed his fingers against your warm folds.

“I can’t be quiet! You know that” You whined as he dipped his finger in your heat. You had no idea what had gotten into him. He loved making you moan, scream and cry. Did he want Bucky to hear you both make love? Steve was more perverted than he let on but this was something even you didn’t know.

“You will try for me won’t you?” He rolled your clit between his fingers and kissed your temple to sooth your thrashing “don’t you wanna be a good girl for me? Hm?” he asked driving three of his fingers inside of you to warm you up.

You should be embarrassed at the sinful noises that your cunt was making, you could hear them clearly since you had to be quiet. But you weren’t. In the moment you just needed to cum. “I wanna cum daddy please” Your voice muffled against the pillow you had pushed your face into to drown out your moans.

“Then cum doll” he said thrusting his fingers into you with purpose.

“I wanna cum on your cock daddy” He groaned at that.

Pulling his fingers out of you. He pulled your panties and your shorts down, bringing the blankets up to your neck “You comfy princess?” You nodded. He pulled his cock out of his sweats nudging it between your buttcheeks. He pulled your bare leg placing it over his hip and holding it there as he slowly pushed into you. He pushed his other hand under you to hold onto and fondle your breasts.

In any other situation this position would be uncomfortable but right now you felt as warm and safe to be surrounded by him. You didn’t feel the need to cum anymore, content with the warmth and the weight of his cock inside you. His steady breathing and heart beat lulling you to sleep.

He didn’t like that. He snapped his hips and pushed his cock deeper inside you. “Don’t fall asleep on me now princess” He warned as he slowly fucked into you.

You dug your nails into his hand which was squeezing your breast as you tried your best to contain your moans. You let out a mewl as Steve stroked your clit while making slow love to you. You were tipped over the edge, cuming hard around his cock and on his fingers.

“Shit” He said as the pace of his thrusts increased “you’re so tight doll. So snug” He bit your ear to keep from groaning out loud. He was about to pull out of you, to clean you up with a washcloth. He wouldn’t trust the towels the hotels provided but he did see you pack a couple, he could use those.

But you tightened the grip of your leg on his hip, forcing him to stay in place. You looked over your shoulder and he could barely make out your pout in the dim light “Stay inside please. Keep me warm” You requested. He had never been good at saying no to you.

So he pecked your lips and chose to forget about the myriad of problems facing him and all of you. At least for now.

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I am sorry about the shitton of nicknames. I just like sweet nicknames ok🥺🥺