#this is a department for the hospital AND the med school. how do you not know how to order drugs???

[floraleevee]

Oh I forgot that people working in offices sometimes decide to be raging dicks for no reason. Sorry your job is so hard working from home 3 days a week and answering emails. You’re right it’s my fault the thing I asked you to do a month ago isn’t done.

[thechy-fychannel]

I try not to get hung up on timelines but I swear Wilson's timeline makes no damn sense to me 😭 I don't believe we are ever given a precise birth date for him, so assuming he's about the same age as his actor (who already looked incredibly young for his age) he would've had to be a child prodigy as well for the timeline to make sense.

RSL was born in 1969, so we'll use that year for Wilson too bc I just cannot imagine him being any older than that. He was 35 when the show aired and could've easily passed for his 20s. Aging him up more than 35 feels incredibly unrealistic with how young he looked.

Being born in 1969 means he likely graduated high school in 1987ish. Four years of undergraduate school already puts him at 1991 before he even starts med school. Another 4 years in med school puts him at 1995, 3 years after he meets House. And that doesn't even include his residency years after he graduated.

But wasn't Wilson already a doctor when they met? He said him and Sam split because he was working two jobs while doing his residency in order to put her through med school. So we can extrapolate that when he met House, he had graduated but was still going through his residency in 1992.

For shits and giggles, let's say he graduated as a prodigy at 16 in 1985, 4 yrs of undergrad- 1989, and let's say he did the accelerated program that allowed him to graduate med school in 3 years, 1992. That would make sense if Wilson had only just started his residency when he met House. But according to his lore, he must've been doing his residency for a while in order for it to affect his marriage so much that they divorced. They'd already been split up for a while before he was served divorce papers.

Even if that timeline makes a little more sense, what doesn't make sense is that he would've finished his residency between 1995 and 1998 (even later if he didn't graduate early) and then sometime between then and before the show aired, he became the HEAD of the oncology department. I'm pretty sure he had been department head for a while before the show aired, but even if he'd only been promoted to department head just before the show started, that means he was made department head 5-9 years after finishing his residency. I don't know how ranking in a hospital works, but less than a decade out of his residency feels like a very short amount of time to become head of a huge department in a big teaching hospital— one of the best in the country.

I guess the solution that makes the most sense is to consider him to be closer to 40 at the beginning of the show, but you cannot look at that young sweet face in s1 and tell me that man is anywhere close to 40. He doesn't even start looking close to 40 until s6 imo.

Anyways, feel free to ignore this. This is just what runs through my head while I'm pretending to be busy at work.

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s4 episode 20 thoughts

(author's note: this review is going to mention rape and reproductive coercion at the end, as it is a plot point. just a head's up in case you forgot what goes down in this episode. no hard feelings at all if you skip this writeup, but i will have an attempt to summarize my thoughts on the matter at the end, and why i felt Uncomfy)

but now we go back to me from yesterday, who did not know what was in store… take it away, past juni:

i’m really excited!! i’ve heard this one is more light hearted, which i have been looking forward to immensely. 

reading the description. tracking a shapeshifter sounds like a real headache.

let us not delay any longer!!

oh god, are we gonna open with someone giving birth? yes, we are.

nooo this poor woman, ms. nelligan, has to answer questions while in labor… please do not tell me this happens in real life!!!!

she can’t seem to give info on the baby’s father. interesting. oh! he’s from another planet. well! i guess there’s someone for everyone.

ohhh she is screaming. good lord. this is… giving birth is… it’s just… a lot.

but something seems to be wrong with the baby? the doctor is surprised when it emerges. well, maybe she has tentacles.

the baby is screaming which i think is a good thing for babies to do. but omg she has a tail!!!

“good lord, not another one” <- HEY WHAT DOES THAT MEAN??

is this hospital plagued by an alien fuckboy and his countless babies…? a nick cannon of the alien world, if you will…?

well the tail isn’t TOO bad, all things considered!!! i was thinking it would be tentacles. tail is actually kinda cool. maybe they can climb trees better, like a monkey or a squirrel.

hey the intro was different!! different from the USUAL different intro!!

“MONKEY BABIES INVADE SMALL TOWN” JHXJSHDJSJ THAT IS THE SHOT WE OPEN WITH??? (at least mulder is aware of how outrageous the imagery is)

the tabloid also says “michael jackson held captive by exotic pets” lmaoooo mulder only gets his news from the most REPUTABLE of sources!!!

scully is describing babies born with bonus appendages in such detail that i’m wondering if she’s dealt with them before or just had a hell of a time studying in med school. and she is so beautiful, even as she says words like “coccyx” and “spinal fluid”

FIVE tailed babies were born in the last 3 months, all in a small town. something must be in the water!!! or a philandering alien baby daddy!!

she says that there definitely needs to be some sort of investigation… but by the health department, and not them. which is fair. unless the health department is compromised!!! by aliens!!!

LMAOOO scully points out the “visitors from outer space” tagline on the tabloid interesting him and he smirks... yes, he did not just wake up one day deeply invested in neonatal healthcare. there has to be a UFO involved.

mulder is here with the mother who gave birth to the latest tailed baby, ms. nelligan. she says that the baby is healthy, “it’s just a matter of a snip” to which he responds “that’s good to hear” and i think he’s being genuine and is glad that the baby is okay, but i’m just dying at having to hear about someone snipping their baby’s tail off being part of mulder’s job. this is what they prepped these two for at the academy.

mulder is questioning ms. nelligan very gently and it turns out the father of said baby is NOT an alien, but he IS from another planet. and his name is luke skywalker. 

“did he have a lightsaber?” scully asks. “no, he didn’t bring it” (incredibly pained mulder shots) LMAOOOOO

hold on, i need a minute. she just asked if luke is the father of the other babies. scully is doing her absolute best to hold it together.

cutscene to mulder looking at the tailed baby in the window, but it kinda just looks like he’s here to pick up HIS tailed baby, and aww. give him a little tailed baby!!!

ohhh he was too scared to follow her into the room!!! 

the nurse explains that the answer seems very obvious but mulder doesn’t know wtf is going on and whispers “what answer” LMAOOO (i always love when he doesn’t know wtf is going on)

so did one guy with the same genetic abnormality father all the tailed babies??

ohhhhhh and mulder puts together that 4 of the 5 women were all receiving fertility treatment!!! is this doctor gonna go to jail??? because that seems illegal. 

ohhhhhhh there is an ANGRY crowd here at the doctor’s office and they WANT answers. 

these people follow some strange rules. having a baby with a tail = acceptable.

a bastard baby with a tail = CANNOT BE ALLOWED!!!

the latest mother didn’t even undergo insemination, so the doctor proposes that this has actually NOTHING to do with him!! he got off the hook with that one.

at the clinic, mulder is on the prowl. he finds some guy fixing the pipes. WITH WHAT LOOKS LIKE A TAIL REMOVAL SCAR!!!

and when he tries to ask some question this guy BOLTS!! but you cannot outrun mulder!!!

and GASP!!! this guy (eddie) IS THE FATHER!! of all the babies!!! he’s bitching about spelling his name wrong… bro you have bigger issues at hand. ur child support bill is going to be crazy.

he’s saying that it isn’t actually a crime, but they want to know how none of the women remember this happening!!! omg did he shapeshift into the form of the husband??!!

hey man i do actually think that is a crime <3 impersonation of someone’s husband def counts as rape because they did not consent to sex with eddie, they consented to sex with their husbands <3 if he actually did shapeshift as it seems to be leading to <3 please go to jail <3

“well if you’re waiting for my usual theory as to what’s going on, i don’t have one” says mulder <- LMAOOO nothing better than a guy who admits when he has no fucking clue

scully thinks he assaulted them (and she’s right- kinda shocked no one else came to that conclusion???) mulder asks how this could have happened if they’d never seen the guy before. but it’s enough to keep him in custody. and while this discussion takes place, the creepy eddie is watching him!!! please get him out of here.

he’s really looking at the cop who is writing up his profile… and then he shapeshifts into him!!! and knocks him out cold!!!

scully is at the scene the next day trying to figure wtf is going on and mulder rings the bell with a smile to summon her over HAHAHA awww she’s smiling at his antics <3

they find eddie’s clothes in the station, and when scully predicts that he’s about to say eddie must have transformed into his captor and knocked him out, mulder says “scully, should we be picking out china patterns or what?” <- LMAOOOO yes pls update the wedding registry!! i’ll chip in what i can

god why are they both so attractive. i’m gonna scream.

he points out that they have both seen shapeshifters before- and she asks if this means he thinks eddie is an alien.

oh, we never DO get an explanation into scully’s conceptualization of the shapeshifting aliens!!! man, i would love to ask her about that. maybe she thinks they can somehow alter your vision?? we need to chat about it.

i wonder if aliens aren’t off the table for her, at least anymore. maybe at this point some aliens are real but werewolves and stuff are just nonsense. 

so, off to eddie’s house. “hey scully, if you could be someone else for a day, who would you be?” “hopefully myself” “so boring” AWWW DON’T BE MEAN TO HER :( she is a great person to be!!!

AWWW SHE’S HOLDING THE UMBRELLA UP FOR HIM STOP… and he’s STILL TOO TALL so he’s hunched over 😭😭😭

is eddie going to turn into her… is this foreshadowing…

(author’s note: IT WAS FORESHADOWING IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION!!)

AWWW she settles on eleanor roosevelt (nerd! bisexual) and mulder says it can’t be a dead person BRO YOU DIDN’T EVEN SAY THAT THE FIRST TIME AROUND!! you can’t just change the rules like that smh…

ohhhh they find eddie’s dad!! and he has posters on his wall of him as “eddie the monkey man”! well good for him. make a living.

HDHSJDHDJ EDDIE SR ASKS IF THEY WANT TO SEE HIS TAIL AND SCULLY SAYS “NO. NO. NO THANK YOU” JUST AS WE HEAR UNZIPPING 

mulder looks a little bummed he will not see the tail

aww, he looks so dejected…. eddir sr says his son was begging him to remove the tail when he was a kid

and he said without the tail, his son was just small potatoes!!! haha you said the episode name

OHHHH he calls mulder by his name… and he says how tf did you know that?? eddie sr claims scully told him and he says “mm, no, actually i didn’t” LMAOOO CATCH HIS ASS IN A LIE!!

ah. so he must be the eddie jr DISGUISED as eddie sr. 

and he BOLTS!!! mulder is off to the races again, but eddie gets away

mulder and scully get sososososo close and i’m thinking omfg… then he USES HER AS A COAT RACK FOR THE BATHROBE EDDIE DROPPED BAHAHA THAT IS EVIL

ohhhh eddie runs home to one of the mothers whose baby has had tail surgery while disguised as her husband!!! and in the bathroom he turns back into himself. hmm. this would displease me greatly, finding my husband turned into a different guy.

back at eddie’s place, mulder knocks a bunch of stuff over and it clatters and he yells “I’M ALRIGHT”, but scully is downstairs and can’t really hear so she just goes “what?” and he does this annoyed little huff LMAOOO

he finds a bunch of quicklime in the ceiling…. that is being used to MUMMIFY a CORPSE????? with a tail…. REAL EDDIE SR???

back at the mother’s house, her REAL husband just came home, and is approaching where eddie is in the bathroom…… omfg…. they see someone in there. 

HE TURNS INTO MULDER???? JUMPSCARE!!!!!!!!

scully has the mummy in the lab and is sawing into him. there’s quicklime everywhere so when mulder comes in he covers his coffee LMAOOO i thought that detail was so funny

hard to tell what killed the mummy. “as far as i can tell, this man has a thin stratum of voluntary muscle tissue underpinning the entire dermal layer of his skin” <- now you might have to explain that one for the humanities girls in the audience 

“and thankfully, it’s preserved and intact” she says, as mulder snaps his foot off LMAOOOO HE’S ASKING QUESTIONS TO DISTRACT HER WHILE HE TRIES TO STICK IT BACK ON

HE JUST SETS IT BACK ON TOP OF THE LEG LMAOOOOO while proposing that maybe all that extra muscle could be used to remold his skin which is a BOLD hypothesis 

he hurries out the door before the foot falls off and then when it does she is SO baffled

back to ms. nelligan (luke skywalker lady). mulder pulls out a photo of eddie and asks if she recognizes him. and she dated him all throughout high school!!! and that he was an absolute loser.

mulder’s trying hard to get her to name some positive qualities of the guy and she says they’d watch star wars every weekend. that’s weird. that's suspicious.

he brings out a single rose from his jacket and says he wants to congratulate her 😭😭

WAIT IS HE EDDIE IN DISGUISE?? AND THAT IS WHY HE IS TRYING TO DIG UP WHAT SHE THINKS OF HIM?? OH SHOOT, IT IS!!!!!!

NOOO REAL MULDER COMES IN!!! 

AND THE OTHER COUPLE CALLS ASKING WHEN THEY CAN ENTER THE BATHROOM AND WHY DID HE TAKE THE HUSBAND’S SUIT LMAOOOOO NOOOO 

mulder is trying to track eddie down… and he finds a guy changing and locks him up LMAOOO but then the doctor is in there too so he locks them BOTH UP AND CALLS FOR SCULLY

lmao those poor guys…….. but he sees something flickering in the lights. and eddie says he is “a damn good looking man” and then jumps on him from the ceiling!!!

“mulder” (really eddie) tells scully that he thinks this whole case was a waste of time and i don’t buy it for a second. and he says “small potatoes” again!! ahhh dead giveaway!!!

but real mulder is locked DEEP IN THE BASEMENT!!!! NOOOOO 

he has a lunch tho… eddie was thoughtful in that one matter i guess

FAKE MULDER IS IN SKINNER’S OFFICE!!!! 

KNDJSHDJS skinner tells him he spelled “federal bureau of investigation” wrong LMAOOOO NOOO THE SECONDHAND EMBARRASSMENT. 

he’s all twitchy and he can’t sit still and is making strange faces and i’m gagging at someone playing a character playing a different character.

OHHHH FAKE MULDER PATS SCULLY’S SHOULDER I DON’T LIKE THAT. NO MA’AM.

he asks what she is doing tonight, and she says she’s writing an article on “diminished acetylcholine production in recidivist offenders” okaaaay published queen!! or is she lying to see if he’ll catch on…???

and he cannot get the door open because he doesn’t know which key is which LMAOOOO

but she says she’s going to go investigate the body instead. a STEM queen.

fake mulder is in mulder’s office looking around, taking a seat, falling off the desk, “this is where my tax dollars go?” lmao

he finds mulder’s address on his license plate and HAHAHA “WHERE THE HELL DO I SLEEP?” <- FINALLY THE COUCH IS ADDRESSED!!!

LMAOOO WE HEAR A MESSAGE FROM THE LONE GUNMEN ON HIS VOICEMAIL ABOUT GETTING A BIRD’S EYE VIEW OF THE ZAPRUDER FILM AND ALSO GETTING CHEESESTEAKS. AWW BOYS NIGHT!!!

he slaps the basketball around VERY POORLY I’M GIGGLING 

he has a voice message which i assume is a spam call? about. sexy voices. and lower rates. god, please let that be a spam call and not that real mulder calls NSFW phone lines under the name “marty”

(for my own sanity i am imagining that this is the 90’s equivalent of the 800 “sexy singles in your area” spam ads that infest your email because 1. i do not want that mental image and 2. cannot imagine someone from the FBI using their home phone, that has BEEN BUGGED IN THE PAST, for such purposes. nuh uh. no way. he HAS to be smarter than that. imagine how easy he would be to blackmail if that was the case)

and now eddie as mulder is practicing tough guy lines in the mirror and waving the gun around 

scully is at home reading!!!! on the floor. with her glasses on. how i love her. when she hears a knock. 

it’s mulder!!! but is it real mulder???? no, it can’t be. he brought wine!! real mulder almost never drinks!

WAIT i’m sad to learn that him smiling into her door that i’ve seen in so many gifs was not actually real mulder 😭

she pops the cork and she thinks that there’s going to be deep conversation OH NO “we never really… talk much… do we?” “what, you mean like really talk? no. no we don’t mulder” oh my god is she gonna open up…

(i proceed to make noises that have only ever been heard in wounded baby animals as i consider how excited scully seemed to have a night with the bestie with zero work and some normalcy)

AND SHE IS DRUNK YAPPING LMFAOOOOOO “marcus was the 12th grade love of my life” <- i’m writing that down

(notably, though, he keeps pouring more and more in her glass… and seemingly none in his)

“now i’m seeing a whole new side of you, mulder” “is that a good thing?” “i like it :)” 

OH GODDDD :( she wanted mulder to be chill SO badly

is he going to kiss her….. he’s getting closer and REAL MULDER BURSTS IN THE DOOR AND SHE SHOVES FAKE MULDER OFF OF HER

she did not even look like she wanted to kiss him at all……. she knew something was weird as hell

and he turns back into eddie!!! right there on her couch!!!!

NOOOOO DRUNK SCULLY??? I AM SO SAD YOUR EVENING WAS RUINED

mulder comes to visit eddie in jail in his “superstar” hat… and now he’s on a muscle relaxer so he can’t make faces. and presumably this also cancels out his shapeshifting talents.

“i was born a loser, but you’re one by choice” <- WTFFFFFFF???? (i think this was meant to be commentary on how he only focuses on his work, but it just felt… weird)

he tells him to live a little and treat himself, which i guess is something he needed to hear

“i don’t imagine you need to be told this, mulder, but you’re not a loser” “yeah, but i’m no eddie van blundht, either” (she doesn’t think he’s a loser‼️😭)

(thus concludes episode)

so wtf was that ending!!!!!!!!

if scully never opened up before she is DAMN SURE NOT GONNA DO IT NOW 😭😭😭 that really broke my heart. amazing mutual phoebe wrote a heartbreaking meta on the subject that pointed out how especially cruel it was to dangle the normalcy she has always wanted in the face of her own death in front of her just to rip it away. you should go read it; if i can find it again i'll link it in the replies.

the tone for this episode was definitely a lot lighter than usual, which i enjoyed for most of the episode. the comedic acting was really funny, as has been noted by others commenting upon this episode. DD playing someone else playing mulder had me losing it. he did it SO well, with all of the tiny movements, the way he slapped that basketball, it had me giggling.

but the last half left me feeling very icky. let's get into it.

eddie was a rapist, full stop. he is acknowledged as such in the episode, and it is mentioned that he was placed upon the sex offender registry. at first i was thinking that there was a sexy tailed alien having consensual relationships with all the women in town, which was funny. it became less funny when we learn what actually happened, but it became (to me) not funny at all when we see him try and rape scully.

if i’m supposed to just laugh that off, i’m not sorry, but i don’t find it funny. how eddie as mulder was getting her more and more drunk and then tried to kiss her, which she clearly did not want- it made my stomach turn. we don’t need to subject female characters to assault for the laughs. some may find this shocking, but it is true.

and the narrative attempted to make us feel sympathetic towards eddie, with his visiting ms. nelligan, asking for good things about himself, giving her a rose, and telling mulder to not be a loser. what was i supposed to take away from that? was i supposed to say “aw shucks, he may have raped 5 women and tried to rape scully, but deep down he’s just a softie”. BECAUSE HELLO? THIS IS NOT WHAT I AM THINKING!!

anytime rape is used for comic value, i have to ask if any women alive were involved in the writer’s room, and when the answer is inevitably no, i think about how we need to get them in there, stat.

but let’s be more specific. this wasn’t just rape; specifically, eddie was trying to get these women pregnant, all of which he succeeded at except for with scully. this comes down to reproductive coercion in ADDITION to rape.

i highlight this because a lot of scully’s story ALREADY is centered around reproductive coercion, with the whole abduction plotline. it’s something that has always made me uncomfortable, and i believe this was intentional on behalf of the writers, who are succeeding in their goal to make me uncomfy. scully's reproductive agency has been removed entirely with the procedures she has been subjected to. this is disturbing in an in-universe view, but from an outside view criticizing the writing, i find myself asking why a story must center around a woman's ability or lack thereof to have children, and having that agency ripped from her. because you know damn well that we wouldn't get that arc from mulder (even though frankly i think that would be fascinating). while i have my own complex feelings about the consequences of scully's abduction arc in that regard, i have a feeling that they will grow and change as i progress beyond the 4th season (and please- no spoilers).

but in this context, it makes the writers inserting attempted rape and a man trying to impregnate her all the more gross, because we have already spent time establishing that her bodily autonomy has been violated. while i can maybe find some deeper symbolic meaning in terms of it being the government slash aliens being responsible for that, this felt gratuitous or fetishistic.

i hope that explanation makes sense. and again, i expect my feelings to change on the matter re:abduction arc as i progress- maybe i'll hate it more, maybe i'll hate it less. regardless: rape. not funny. didn't laugh.

i posted a poll yesterday asking what people thought about the episode, and if it made them uncomfortable- the leading answer at the moment is that it was cringe but didn't ruin it for most viewers, which is totally fair. i'm down for differences of opinions, and the things that make me gag aren't always going to be the same as the things that make you gag. however, i do think i have a different viewpoint as i am of gen z age- the me too movement happened right as i started high school, and it shaped the way i grew up. it was an absolutely monumental shift that perhaps we now take for granted, but then i see stuff like this from before then, and i'm like ohhh. i forgot how things used to be. i'm lucky in that regard, to grow up in a space where those conversations have been taking place very loudly. and having grown up in that context, things from before can seem jarring.

that got more serious than perhaps you hoped for an x files episode review, but you know that is how i roll around these parts- terribly heartfelt in all regards. i don't feel a need to justify my dislike for the episode, but it left a nagging sensation in my side to put into words just exactly why is felt so icky. i hope i've been able to make myself understood. it started off fun and strong, but for me, that's gonna make it one of the ones i'm not sure if i'll rewatch. it started off so strong, so i'm conflicted on if watching it again would spark joy or i would just dread knowing what is coming.

but now we need REAL mulder and scully hangout time. i want to know what happened to marcus. need a sleepover fic. i will daydream about this at work instead of making my bosses money.

[going-dead]

Horses not Unicorns

Prompt by @eyesofcrows : in some hospitals, CPR is done to a patient despite them being declared dead on arrival. This is a courtesy to the family. The doctor doesn't expect the scream when they lay down the defibrillator paddles on the boy's chest.

Dr. Cecelia Martinez had worked as an ED doctor for longer than some of the nurses under her had even been alive. She saw more gruesome scenes in one week than most people would in their entire lives if they were lucky. She would even say she’d seen it all if she wanted to be stupid and jinx herself.

She took one of the coffees out of the cup carrier in her hands and placed it in front of Lily, the nurse on shift with her. “Your cream with a dash of coffee.” 

“Thanks Martinez. And stop ragging on me about how much cream I put in my coffee, it tastes good.” Lily nodded her head not taking her eyes off of the computer screen in front of her. She was finishing up the chart notes for the last patient who’d came in and reviewing the work of their med student.. 

“Anything for you. Lord knows I wouldn’t last a week without you here. But never, it’s an affront to caffeine. I didn’t consume gallons of the stuff back in school, or on these night shifts just for you blaspheming it like you do. Look at it, it’s lighter than a person dying of blood loss.” Dr. Martinez took the other cup out of the holder and handed it to the medical student shadowing her for the next few weeks, Brian. 

Or well he was supposed to. Not many of the students just starting their rotations make it long in the emergency department, especially if it was one of their first rotations, even less come back to work there when they graduate. The kid only started the night before so she hadn’t had much of a time to get a grasp on what he was made of. 

“Thank you Dr. Martinez.” Brian gave her a small smile as she took a seat. “Can I ask a question?”

“That’s why you’re here isn’t it? And drop the title stuff, if you won’t call me Cecelia you can at least call me Martinez.” She looked Brian up and down, he was either restless or nervous, or perhaps both , with how he tapped his finger and his leg hadn’t stopped moving up and down.

“Uh okay. It’s just I was wondering, we’ve hardly seen any patients come in. Is it always this slow?” Brian asked.

“God damn it Brian!” Lily shouted, startling the poor med student.

“What? Did I do something wrong when charting?” His eyes widened. 

Dr. Martinez wouldn’t deny it had been…less than busy. It was already four in the morning and the most interesting thing they had seen that night was someone coming in for back pain because they pulled a muscle. A quick lidocaine patch and he was on his way. Of course now that Brian had challenged fate, there was very little chance the night would continue on with such ease. “You spoke words never to be spoken in a hospital setting. The forbidden ‘s’ word.”

Brian rolled his eyes. “I didn’t think medical professionals would be so superstitious.”

“Not superstition if it’s true.” Lily huffed, she had already downed her coffee in preparation. Dr. Martinez quickly followed suit. 

Almost on cue one of the triage nurses burst through the doors as the intercom spoke out overhead. “Code blue, pediatric male, ED waiting room.”

Dr. Martinez swore jumping up from her seat. “Lily get the crash room prepared and get peds down here. Brian with me.” She followed the triage nurse into the waiting room not giving the student time to catch up with her. 

Who the patient was, was obvious. Even if there wasn’t a nurse actively transferring him into a gurney. He was the only person under the age of thirty in the waiting room. 

Dr. Martinez turned to the man hovering near the child. “You dad?”

The man shook his head. “Teacher, William Lancer, we’re on a school trip one of the students noticed he wasn’t breathing in his sleep, and well-can you help him.” 

“We’ll do the best we can. Do you know of any health conditions, allergies, medications?” She questioned.

William Lancer shook his head. “No. Danny’s perfectly healthy for a kid his age, despite being on the smaller side.”

He was correct about him being on the smaller side of his age group, looking at him, she would’ve said he was fifteen at most, not seventeen. Dr. Martinez followed the nurses to the crash room. They had already started to put the leads of the AED onto the patient when she walked in. 

The likelihood of the kid making it was slim to none. Even if he did the effect of his brain not having oxygen for so long. She was aware of that. If he hadn’t been breathing since he was found and then the whole trip to the hospital…Well it was her job to at least try. 

Brian was just standing and staring at the body infront of them as Dr. Martinez started an IV line letting the nurses start to bag the patient and the others finished up with the AED preparations. “Brian get moving or get out of the way.”

“He’s just a kid.” He stared.

“No pulse, Starting compressions!” A nurse called out.

Brian flinched at the sound of ribs breaking under the strain of chest compressions. “Someone get the student out of here.” She yelled.

That snapped him out of his stupor. “No I can do this, what do you want me to do?”

“Take over the bagging.” She instructed, it was probably one of the simpler tasks she could give him, as long as he didn’t pop the patients' lung. 

She heard the AED speak up, still no pulse, still no, shockable rhythm. “Administering epinephrine.” 

They continued like that for five more minutes, staff switching out doing compressions or bagging. Passing medications. But they all knew the chances.

Or they thought they did.

“We got a new reading!” Lily shouted.

Dr. Martinez looked over at the EKG reading. “He’s in V-fib, get the AED ready to shock.” 

The staff waited on bated breath as they let the AED examine the patient’s heart rhythm. “Shock advised. Charging. Stand clear. Press the flashing button to deliver shock.”

“Clear?” Dr. Martinez made eye contact with each person standing around the patient. A chorus of clears rang out in response. 

“Clear!” Dr. Martinez did a final call before she pressed the button to deliver the shock.

Cardiac arrests were not an uncommon sight in the emergency department. She’d see plenty more by the time she hit retirement. But it was usually older people, people who’d lived at least a somewhat long life. No matter how many times a child or even a young adult came into the ED like this it was hard on everyone involved. She always tried longer on kids. Despite knowing the very slim chance of them being revived. The chances were practically zero here. She mourned the fact that this was Brian’s first cardiac arrest with them. There was no chance any reasonable person would stay after this.

It wasn’t her first to wouldn’t be her last, but just like the others and the ones to come Cecelia Martinez knew she would never forget his face.

Especially since he did something frankly impossible for someone who had just received CPR and an electric shock. He sat up and screamed.

It was only years of experience that Dr. Martinez was able to dodge the kick sent her way. Brian was not so lucky getting clocked in the face with a fist. 

“Hey, hey, hey. You need to lay down. You’re in the hospital, your teacher says you stopped breathing and you went into cardiac arrest. Can you tell me your name, do you remember where you were last? Or the date?” Dr. Martinez asked placing herself directly into the teenager's line of sight. 

He placed a hand on his chest and took a slow deep breath. Something that had to be incredibly painful with broken ribs. “Huh, I-yeah. Danny Fenton. I was in my hotel room. It’s March 27th. Did you electrocute me?”

No obvious damage to neurological function. He got the date wrong but only by four hours, it was the 28th now. “Yes Danny, we did have to shock you. We’re going to have to run quite a few tests to make sure everything is working okay now.” And to see how he was even talking.

“Oh, no I’m okay.” Danny looked back where Brian was holding his shoulder where he was punched, and winced. “Shit, sorry dude are you alright?”

“How about you all go chart, or help Brian get ice or something for his shoulder. Lily let his teacher know he’s joined us back in the land of the living.” Dr. Martinez not so kindly giving them all the hint to get out.

Danny tried to hide a laugh in a cough. An interesting reaction for someone who had briefly died. “Young man I don’t think you realize what you just went through. I understand you are most likely in shock but you need to understand the gravity of the situation. Healthy kids do not just suddenly stop breathing, and we need to understand why.”

“It’s not a big deal, I promise. I just have sleep apnea.” Danny explained.

“Your heart stopped.” Dr. Martinez deadpanned. 

“It’s a very serious condition.” Danny nodded his head like he was agreeing with her. 

There was a knock on the door, opening just a moment after. Lily brining in Danny’s teacher. “War and Peace, Danny are you alright?”

“Yeah I’m fine.”

“No he is not” Dr. Martinez said at the same time. “We had to perform CPR. We’ll have to do tests to make sure everything has resumed functioning as normal as they can, as well as an x-ray to assess the damage to his ribs.” 

“Of course. I have gotten in contact with his older sister and she is on the way, she should be here in a few hours. His parents are currently unavailable.” William Lancer explained.

“Jazz is coming?” Danny groaned. The most negative emotion he had displayed since he’d gotten here. “And hours? As in multiple? I don’t want to be here that long.”

“You’ll be here a few days minimum for observation.” Dr. Martinez said.

The boy flopped back onto the gurney with much more aggressiveness than he should have with what he just went through. “I don’t like hospitals.”

Dr. Martinez sighed. “Not may people do, doctors can be intimidating sometimes. White coat syndrome isn’t abnormal.”

Danny wrinkled his nose. “I don’t care about doctors. It’s too loud here, there’s too much death.” 

It was quiet in the room, she wasn’t sure what he was talking about. 

“I can leave the sooner I get those tests done right?” He asked.

“As long as everything is normal.” Dr. Martinez nodded. They wouldn’t be, they couldn’t be. 

“As long as it’s all normal.” Danny repeated “Alright let’s get started.”

Dr. Martinez was reading the x-ray and other test results when Danny’s older sister arrived. She double-checked the results and viewed the images dozens of times. 

Barring the traces of epinephrine still in his system, all the tests were completely normal. His ribs weren’t even broken. 

But that wasn’t possible. She heard the bones break. 

The best course of action she supposed was to talk to Danny and his sister. She made her way to the room they moved him to. She seemed to enter the middle of a conversation. 

“I swear when I get my hands on him. He traps me in the middle of a dream and then I’m waking up thinking I’m dying again. And now they’re trying to keep me here for no reason!” 

“I mean, technically in their eyes you did die. It’s a valid concern.”

“Still don’t see why it’s such a big deal though, I’m fine.”

“Normal people don’t recover that fast Danny. It of course would raise some questions.”

“How was I supposed to know how quick people recover from dying?”

“Common sense, I’d assume.” “Ugh. When do mom and dad get back?”

“Few days, you’re still stuck with me until then. Lucky for you in this situation. They’d have a lot more questions.”

Dr. Martinez opened the door fully making her presence known. “You must be Jazz. I’m Danny’s doctor, Dr. Martinez.” 

“Nice to meet you Dr. Martinez. Thank you for taking care of my brother.” Jazz smiled shaking her hand.

“Well he certainly gave us quite the fright. It’s not often people come back from a cardiac arrest punching.” More like they never did.

“Well he’s always liked to exceed expectations.” Jazz nodded..“Do you have the discharge paperwork?”

“Discharge?” Danny’s teacher had said Jazz was one of the most responsible people he knew despite her younger age. And she wanted to discharge her brother? “Miss Fenton discharging him so soon-”

“Is well within my rights as his temporary legal guardian while our parents are unavailable.”

Dr. Martinez refrained from sighing. “And where exactly are your parents?”

“Out of the country at the moment.” Danny supplied. “Work trip.”

“I see. Regardless I can’t just let you leave just hours after you went into cardiac arrest.”

“Did my tests come back wrong?” He asked.

‘No, your tests came back completely normal.” 

“Then I don’t see why I can't leave?”

“That is exactly why you can’t leave. We don’t even know what caused this.” She would rather have him stay voluntarily than try to chance getting a court order.

“I do know though.”

“You know?” Dr. Martinez found that hard to believe. “Why would that be?”

“Ghosts.”

“Ghosts?”

“That’s what I said.” Danny nodded.

Court order it was. “I’m going to step out and talk to your teacher. Please remain here.”

She stepped out the door. Finding William Lancer was not difficult, he was in the chair right outside the door. “Sir, may I ask you a question?”

He stood up. “Yes of course. Is everything alright?”

“Unusually enough, yes. But it has more to do with something Danny mentioned about the reason for his episode.” She rubbed at her temple. “He said it was because of and I quote ‘ghosts’.”

“Oh.”

“Yes. So you see why it wouldn’t be a good idea to let him leave.”

 “I thought they wouldn’t be a problem so far from Amity Park.”

“What?”

“We didn’t bring any anti-ghost equipment for that reason. Obviously that was a major oversight on me and the rest of the schools staff on this trip.”

She was starting to think perhaps school was a code word for cult. Or maybe wherever they were from had some serious chemical leaks going on. “Could you please just talk to the two of them and try to convince them not to leave? I do not think it would be a good idea to let him go so soon.”

“Oh definitely. Even if it is ghosts that’s not something we can let go without making sure he is okay.” He nodded and went to open the door.

“Great Gatsby, not again.” William Lancer sighed as he entered the room.

“What? What is it?” Dr. Martinez asked pushing past him. Had Danny collapsed? 

Danny had not collapsed, in fact Danny was no longer in the room. No one was. 

But she had been standing next to the door the entire time. There was no way they could have left without her noticing. “Where did they go?”

“Back home, probably. Or well on their way there, I’d assume.” 

“But how did they leave, we were standing infront of the door.”

He just gave a tired shrug. “It’s not the first time he’s disappeared with no feasible way to. Happens more and more by the year I swear. He wasn’t nearly this bad at fourteen. Still a handful, just a different way. But if he’s feeling well enough to sneak out there's not much I can do.” 

“Do you think that their behavior is possibly linked to their parents?” They had mentioned that their parents were out of the country on a business trip. Perhaps they were taught to mistrust hospital staff by their parents out of fear of social workers.

“The whole family is strange, their parents are scientists to put simply. But not in the way you’re thinking. They’re just strange in a city full of strange people and strange things. If that is all, I do need to return to the rest of my students. Have a good night, or well a good morning I suppose.” He gave her a smile before walking off.

Dr. Martinez walked back towards her office thoughts cluttered. Ghosts, a perfectly healthy teenage boy’s heart stopping. The way he acted it was less that the shock reset his heart rhythm and more like it simply surprised him enough that his functions resumed their normal activities. His ribs broke, then they weren’t. He had no side effects from being shocked, let alone from going so long with no oxygen going to his brain. No one who knew him seemed to think the things going on were weird. Simply another day. 

Brian was sitting in the extra chair in her office. He looked up at the sound of her entering. “How’s the patient?”

“Gone.” 

“Gone? How?”

“Not sure, actually.” Dr. Martinez had seen almost everything as an ED doctor. Whatever just happened was a brand-new experience. “And it seems like I’m not paid nearly enough to figure it out. After today, I don’t blame you if you want to end your rotation early.”

“No! I want to stay.” Brian stood up.

“Really? Why?” Cardiac arrests weren’t easy on new students, kids were even worse.

“I’ve never seen or even heard about someone being this healthy and aware after CPR. It’s fascinating.  I want to see more things like that that challenges our understanding of medicine.” Brian said as he pointed the notes he was writing down in her face.

 Cecilia laughed. “You remember the phrase horses not zebras?”

Brian nodded his head. “Yeah of course. This was a zebra, right?”

Dr. Martinez shook her head. Once she finished charting she was going to forget about all of this, preferably with a strong drink when she got home. Too many unanswered questions and unexplainable events. Hell maybe it was ghosts.  “You’re never going to see something like this again. This was a god-damn unicorn.”

[savetheghost]

my life is full of so many “and then everyone clapped” stories that i feel insane trying to explain myself

look when you didnt go to school you get into weird shit okay

i was an undercover informant for the police department once and like what the fuck, yknow? why did i do that? iunno i had free time and they paid me $200 a pop and the agent that worked as my handler would never shut up about how he landed a malfunctioning helicopter without dying while we barhopped trying to catch people selling booze to minors while wearing a wire

i got dragged away in an ambulance in dave strider cosplay cause my insulin pump overheated and wrecked my meds once (unrelated to the breaking out of the hospital trip but same hospitalization reason; acid blood but that time with a twist of heatstroke)

i lived inside of yellowstone national park for a month

for a year i slept in a hammock? because the apartment i was in had a staircase removed to turn the house into a duplex and my room sunk so bad that we couldnt physically get a bedframe to work without three college textbooks under one leg, id practice standing on a skateboard rolling down one side of the room to the other

one time in a different apartment the 70 year old lady that lived below us threw such a rager that dishes literally started vibrating out of our cabinets

i was in an airplane that had the pneumatic system that controlled the steering give out in the middle of my flight and super ironically the flight attendant sat next to me and made me a vodka cranberry sprite without even asking how old i was, just thought i looked too sad

life is fucking weird dude shit just happens and like who even is gonna believe half this shit

[crimsonizedangel]

Sparks Fly

Pairing: Will Halstead x oc

Rating: nsfw

Summary: oc invites Will to be her plus one at a wedding where they share a heated kiss that leads to them going back to oc’s apartment together.

Warning: lots of dirty talk, oral, p in v, voyeurism (sex against a window), light chocking

AN: I hope you enjoy the story. If you would like a fic about a favorite character in either the one Chicago or Acotar universe you can send me a message.

"Hey Lexi are you ready to go?" I hear Will Halstead ask from my bedroom as I finish up getting my earrings in at the mirror in my bathroom. I had gotten invited to the wedding of a couple friends from college and was so desperate for someone to go with that I ended up asking Will. My friend and colleague at Chicago medical center. But now here we are with my attending standing in my bedroom looking like a snack in the black dress pants and dress shirt that he picked out. At least it goes with the black dress I picked out for myself.

"Yeah, just need to spritz some perfume and I'll be ready to go." I tell him as I make eye contact with him in the mirror before grabbing the bottle of Burberry perfume from the counter and giving it a couple spritzes.

"I should have known you'd still be getting ready. You're still the same as you were in med school when I went out to clubs with you." He comments making me roll my eyes. Yes he's my attending and we were in med school at the same time only because he's a couple years older. However he was my friend before we ended up working at the same hospital and since I am not doing the greatest in the whole love department area I was lucky that Will agreed to attend this wedding with me.

"Let's go." I tell him as I grab his arm to escort him towards the door where I grab my clutch and the card. Once in his car it doesn't take long to get to the venue. The ceremony was short and sweet with what seemed to be only close friends and family in attendance.

"Congrats you two. It was a beautiful wedding." I tell my friend Emma as I greet her with a big smile and a hug. "You look beautiful."

"Thank you. And thank you for coming." She smiles back. The exchange ends up being quick but sweet as I didn't want to keep her from her other guests. I find Will waiting not far away with two glasses of Riesling in his hands.

"You still remember my favorite wine?" I ask him as we walk over to one of the high top tables being used for cocktail hour. He hands me one of the glasses as I sit on a stool.

"Of course I still remember. How could I possibly forget when you had me stop and get a bottle before one of our study sessions." He laughs as he casually leans against the table turning his body towards me and leaving very little space between us.

"That was one time." I huff out. "And you have to admit it helped both of us focus better and make learning about cells a lot more interesting."

Will chuckles "yeah I do have to agree with that."

———

We continued to chat as we were told to take our seats for dinner followed by the couples first dance. The second that everyone was allowed on the dance floor I dragged Will out to the dance floor. The song that had come on was a fast Shakira song and I had no faith that Will knew how to salsa but I wasn't about to dance by myself. However he surprised me by placing a hand on my hip and clasping my hand in his other and moving his feet and hips to the beat.

"You surprise me Halstead. I didn't take you for someone who even knew how to dance." I tell him in awe as I start moving my own hips and feet following his lead.

On beat with the end of the song he gave me a spin and pulled me in close so my back was flush with his chest. "Well Lex I guess you don't know everything about me." His voice rough as he speaks into my ear making my heart race.

"Yeah I guess not." Is all I can reply as the song switches to a slow romantic song. "Dance with me." I say as I spin back around and wrap my arms around his neck. His own arms slipped around my waist holding me close to him as we start to sway to the music. "What else don't I know about you Halstead besides you being a good dancer?" I ask him.

I keep my eyes on his as I watch him contemplate what he wants to say next. Or I should say what he wanted to do next. He keeps his eyes locked on mine as he brings a hand up to cup my cheek before lowering his gaze to my mouth. Like magnets being drawn together our lips connect in a kiss like no other. It started slow like we were both testing the waters before heating up. Wills tongue ran over my lips briefly before I opened my mouth letting him in. The kiss probably only lasted a few minutes but it felt like longer when we finally pulled away from each other.

"You kissed me." The words barely above a whisper and almost breathless.

"I did and you kissed me back." His words just as breathless but with a little chuckle behind them.

It takes me a moment to realize that it isn't just the two of us and we are still at a wedding before I speak again. "I did kiss you back. Do you want to get out of here?" I ask him. He only nods before he's leading me out of the ballroom and towards the parking lot.

Once we get into his car I turn to him and ask "why did you kiss me? We've known each other for years so what made you finally do it?"

"I'm not sure why I finally did it. I just felt like I needed to because I didn't know if I would get presented with another opportunity to." He tells me as he turns his head to look at me. "Look Lexi I've had a crush on you since we were just study buddies and I've wanted to say something back then but it seemed one of us was always in a relationship and the timing wasn't right. Tonight however we're both single which is why I knew I just needed to either say or do something to show you how I felt."

When he finally got what he needed to off his chest my eyes met his and I knew he meant every word. "Will I had a crush on you back then too. When you kissed me tonight I knew those feelings hadn't gone away." And instead of trying to figure out the words needed to describe what I felt I grabbed the collar of his shirt and brought him closer to me so I could kiss him again. It was almost instant that he started kissing me back and we stayed that way for awhile. As soon as my hands started undoing the buttons on his shirt he pulled away resting his forehead against mine and was breathing hard. He clasped my hands in his to stop them from the task they were doing.

"Lex as much as I would love for you to continue with undressing me and all that I'm not having sex with you for the first time in the parking lot of a ballroom like we're some kids at our high school prom." Once he catches his breath he leans back in his seat before starting his car and driving us back to my apartment.

As soon as we're parked he moves rather quickly to cut off the engine and get out so he could open my door for me and help me out. I fish my keys out of my clutch as he wraps an arm around my shoulders to lead me to my building and towards the elevator. Once we are safely inside the elevator his lips are back on mine and as I'm working on unbuttoning his shirt again he starts kissing my jaw and neck. We only pull away when we hear the ding indicating we have reached my floor and I practically drag him down the hall to my apartment door where once inside my clutch and keys are quickly discarded on the table.

When our lips finally meet again it's a bit of madness as our hands start roaming over each other and clothes are getting discarded left and right as he keeps backing me up until my back hits the giant window wall in my living room. Here we are naked, in my living room, up against a giant window, and with a trail of clothes from my front door as evidence.

He starts kissing down my body stopping to pay attention to my tits. Taking one nipple in his mouth as he plays with the other and then switching to suck on the other as he plays with the one that was just in his mouth. When it seemed that he was satisfied with how much attention he had given both of my nipples he continued kissing down my body until he was kneeling in front of me. Instead of putting his mouth on me he slid a finger between my folds first.

"Fuck you're so wet already." Will mutters "are you sure this is what you want? We can stop if you don't want to do this."

He's looking up at me from his knees and seeing him like that plus him asking for consent turns me on even more than I already was. "Will I'm positive that I want to do this now do something. I don't care if it's your fingers, mouth, cock, I don't care but touch me. Fuck me." I plead. God I sound so needy.

"Good to know." He says as he kisses my thigh as he puts it over his shoulder. His mouth descends on me as he takes my clit into his mouth sucking on it. As he goes between moving his tongue up and down my folds and sucking on my clit I start to let out moans. My hands drop to his head. My fingers get tangled in his red hair holding him to me as I arch my back against the window and move my hips on his face. I feel his hands move to grab my ass and feel the vibrations from his own moans.

"Will." I moan out his name. "Will I'm going to come." I warn him as he continues his ministrations not even letting up for air until I'm coming over his face.

I watch as he lowers my leg and move his face away until I am able to see it glisten with my come. Will stands up and cups my face in his hand "Lexi you taste so good. I could stay between those legs all day. Have you ever tasted yourself before?" He asks and when I shake my head he lowers his mouth and speaks against my lips "have a taste." He tells me right before he closes the gap and I'm able to taste my come on his lips and tongue. The kiss doesn't last long but from how he pushed into me I could feel his erection on my hip.

"Turn around and place your hands on the window. I need to find my pants and grab a condom. Don't move." He commands and for some reason I do as he says. I turn around and place my hands on the glass as I hear him opening up a condom wrapper. “Stick your ass out more.” His voice still commanding and his hands coming to guide my hips to where he wants me. He rubs the tip of his now condom covered cock through my slick folds a couple of times before he lines himself up and starts to sink into me. “Fuck your tight.” He groans as he stills his hips behind me for a moment before sinking in the rest of the way. When he’s all the way in and doesn’t move his hips I decide to take matters into my own hands- or rather hips- and move myself up and down on his cock.

“Oh fuck. Yes baby girl. Go ahead and fuck yourself on my cock.” He groans from behind me. It seems he lets me have control for a moment letting me move my hips and use his cock for my own pleasure. That is until he grabs my hips tight to hold them still so he can regain control and thrust his hips into mine.

Theres a few ways I thought this night would end but being fucked from behind up against my window where anyone could look up and see was not one of them. Especially being fucked by Will Halstead but here we are and I’m loving every moment of it. As he starts to thrust into me harder I become a moaning mess. He wraps an arm around my chest to pull me up to his chest and uses the other hand to wrap around my throat before pushing me forward so my breasts are pressed up against the glass. Will must notice how I became wetter from those movements and the thought of anyone looking up and being able to see everything that we’re doing.

“You just got tighter and wetter. Does it turn you on being fucked up against the window?” He breathes into my ear.

“Yes.” I moan back in response letting my head fall back onto his shoulder.

“Who would have thought that this is something that you’re into.” He moans into my neck before resuming to his quick, deep thrusts and kissing and sucking marks into my neck and shoulder.

“Will.” I moan out. “I-Im going to come.” I warn as I feel the pressure building in my abdomen.

“Be a good girl and come on my cock.” Will commands and tightens his hold on my neck a little causing me to fall apart and squirt all over him. My eyes roll back right before I feel his pace stutter.

“Fuck Lex I can barely move. You’re like a vice around my cock.” He moans into my neck and I feel his hips still as he comes into the condom.

We’re both breathing hard as he has his arms wrapped around me holding me in a tight embrace. As he pulls out of me he helps me over to my couch as my legs wobble. I watch through half lidded eyes as he takes off the condom and disposes of it and comes back with two glasses of water.

“You look like you’re about to fall asleep on me. Do you want to stay out here or do you want me to carry you to your bed?” He asks as he hands me a glass.

“I think the bed would be better for both of us.” I tell him after taking a few gulps of the water.

“Sounds good.” He smiles at me and after drinking some of his own water he pulls me into his arms and carries me down the hall to my bedroom. It surprises me how gentle he is as he lays me down and pulls the blankets over me before crawling into the bed behind me. It’s almost comforting having his arms around me, his chest pressed against my back, and the kisses he gently places on my shoulder and up to my cheek.

“Goodnight Lex.” He murmurs.

“Goodnight Will.”

[csolarstormhealthjournal]

Okay, so the Medicaid cuts stressed me out so much that it made me feel sick. Or that could be a coincidence. In any case, I'm starting to gain some perspective on this whole scenario of living without benefits.

To be clear, Medicaid is just the beginning if it happens and things continue the way they are. SNAP cuts/the end of SNAP is also in the bill, and Musk is suggesting that Social Security is full of fraud. So in the longterm what I'm really afraid of is losing all of our income. Diane's job comes out of Medicaid, but Dorothy and I contribute Social Security money.

That said, my family without benefits would be hard -- we'd probably sell our house -- but we might still make it work. Diane always talks about actually becoming a nurse. I can picture her training for that while working at Walmart or Del Taco or something.

In the past we talked about all of us getting jobs, but it could be a while before I get work because I'm such a wreck. That's why SSI is a good fit for me. But without it, I can imagine Diane would support me for some time, maybe while I take a few tutoring jobs here and there, until either I find an online gig, or she has a suggestion for me that works out. Ticket taker at AMC? Walmart greeter? A lifetime of living off government checks has made me really self-conscious about being a mooch, so I would try my best, but I have a really bad constitution.

And in the long run...by myself, I'm not going to be able to work the multiple jobs it takes for someone to live in California. If we're not tethered to California's IHSS, we could move to a cheaper state. But ultimately? I've always known I am a product of the state, a kind of government project that doesn't exist without the motivation to fund me.

I was reading the disability Reddit, and one of the recommendations for someone to support themselves was to get into a relationship so someone can take care of you. That's one of the reasons I haven't tried to get into a relationship. I have a pretty hard time imagining roping someone into THIS after seeing the kind of stress my closest friends went through when directly exposed to my medical life.

Nonetheless, if I can't make the kind of money I need to support myself in an SSI-less future, what would I do without my parents? At least they chose to bring me about. And they knew I was going to be handicapped and decided to go through with the whole thing. Not that I want to mooch off them either! All this time I've been mooching off the government, not my parents. And if Diane ends up working to support us for the first time the mooching will feel more personal, more direct and kind of embarassing.

I suppose what I'd do is go back to the Department of Rehabilitation - if that still exists - okay never mind - we'd try to save up to send me on back to grad school, but likely at CalState or somewhere besides CalPoly, or just go for my teaching credential and attempt to teach in grade school.

I told my counselor the other day that what really counts is that even if we lose all of the benefits and the house what counts is that life goes on. Hopefully.

I mean without Medicaid, my pain meds and antidepressant are dependant on our paycheck. Diane promised to keep buying them for me, and ideally I would if I could start affording them.

It especially makes me feel kinda sick to think of losing my doctors because they keep me alive, and I've gone through a traumatic experience where I tried to go to a local hospital for an infection, and almost died there. I need these specialists, and I can't just substitute any doctor in that field, even if they're really good, they might not have that specialty knowledge that I need.

Wait. I mean if there is no Medicaid - well hopefully California will at least offer something. At least while Social Security is around, they could still offer some watered down insurance to SSI recipients.

I don't know how getting health insurance outside of a job works, but if there are no state programs at all, that's what we'd have to do. Diane gets health insurance through IHSS, and Dorothy gets Medicaid.

And that's my perspective. It's not immediate doom but my disability and health will make things a lot harder - but I'd also have my family's help.

[thelasttime]

Would you say healthcare is full of bullies? Not obviously lol

well, to clarify, if you're asking because i work in a research lab - it's a little different because i'm not actually working in healthcare (in the way you're thinking of it). i work with cells and i don't interact with patients or doctors or nurses!! in fact, all of my colleagues have their PhD, not MD. POV you're me at work:

^ this is a good example of what my work looks like (except my boss doesn't stand next to me and watch what i'm doing because i've been doing research since 2019)

as for the healthcare you're thinking of (like hospitals, clinics, nurses, doctors, physician assistants, techs) - i don't think so!! i did two summers in a children's hospital in the emergency department, almost 100 hours shadowing multiple residents in different departments in an adult's hospital, and i volunteer at an adult's hospital emergency department every week. at least for the interactions i've had with many different hospital personnel, everyone was extremely kind and wanted me to get the best learning experience possible. obviously that doesn't speak to everyone's experience and i'm sure that there are many unfortunate cases where that isn't the case. the system is built like a pressure cooker so people who work in healthcare are often extremely stressed and under a lot of pressure to work for long hours, but i think that the people i've met have all of this pressure on them and they still go out of their way to make sure i'm part of the interaction and learning a lot.

also at least from a pre-med standpoint, there's a huge emphasis on kindness and empathy in the medical school application cycle. you write essays and essays on why you want to be a doctor and how you want to help the community. you also sometimes have to take tests that test how you'd react to difficult situations that involve bullying/rudeness so that you can best support whoever is hurt (which is a little weird admittedly because they're just testing your ability to be a nice person but oh well). also part of getting into medical school is showing a strong demonstration of volunteer work and community work!! they want people who want to help!!

[myclippings]

This is Going to Hurt - Adam Kay (Part 3)

"Every doctor makes their career choice aged sixteen, two years before they’re legally allowed to text a photo of their own genitals. When you sit down and pick your A levels, you’re set off on a trajectory that continues until you either retire or die and, unlike your work Christmas party, Janet from procurement won’t swap your chicken for her halloumi skewers – you’re stuck with it.

"They must have something that cannot be memorized and graded: a great doctor must have a huge heart and a distended aorta through which pumps a vast lake of compassion and human kindness."

"The night shifts, on the other hand, made Dante look like Disney"

"It’s sink or swim, and you have to learn how to swim because otherwise a ton of patients sink with you."

"I’m all for explaining terminology as we go along, but if you don’t know what a stethoscope is, this is probably a book to regift."

"On my solo rounds, I let him tag along for a bit. I don’t particularly know what I’m doing, and I don’t have vast depths of confidence even when I do, so it’s actually quite helpful to have a superannuated German cheerleader behind me shouting out, ‘Zat is brilliant!’ every so often. Today he took a dump on the floor next to me so I sadly had to retire him from active duty."

"We go round the table sharing our version of campfire ghost stories until it’s Seamus’s turn. He tells us he saw someone in A&E this morning who thought they were only sweating from half of their face. He sits back in anticipation of bringing the house down, but there’s merely silence. Until pretty much everyone chimes in with: ‘So, Horner’s syndrome then?’ He’s never heard of it, specifically not the fact that it likely indicates a lung tumour. Seamus scrapes his chair back with an ear-splitting screech and dashes off to make a phone call to get the patient back to the department. I finish his Twix."

"Bleeped awake at 3 a.m. from my first half-hour’s shuteye in three shifts to prescribe a sleeping pill for a patient, whose sleep is evidently much more important than mine."

"Natural does not equal safe."

"I liked that in obstetrics you end up with twice the number of patients you started with, which is an unusually good batting average compared to other specialties. (I’m looking at you, geriatrics.)"

"PV is a per vagina examination. PR is a per rectum examination, so do always clarify when somebody tells you they work in PR."

"Good news: physio have finally been to see her. Bad news: the entry reads, ‘Patient too drowsy to assess.’ I pop in. The patient is dead."

"My preferred method was always to raise one of their arms up and drop it onto their face. If they’re faking, they don’t let their arm plomp onto their face and it miraculously floats off to one side. The downside is if they’re genuinely unconscious and you have to explain yourself to their relatives."

"Wednesday, 2 August 2006 It’s Black Wednesday* and I have started at St Agatha’s. It is an established fact that death rates go up on Black Wednesday. Knowing this really takes the pressure off, so I’m not trying very hard. * All junior doctors change hospitals on exactly the same day every six or twelve months, which is known as Black Wednesday. You might think it would be a terrible idea to exchange all your Scrabble tiles in one go and expect the hospital to run exactly as it did the day before, and you’d be quite right."

"I examine the child and hope that whatever she’s concerned about is within the limited parameters of my pediatric knowledge."

"A phone call from Mum to say my sister Sophie’s got into med school. I send Soph a text with huge congratulations, then a picture of me thumbs-upping in scrubs (cropped above the splatter-zone) and ‘You in six years’ time!’ Had the call come at the end of the shift, my text would have read, ‘RUN LIKE THE FUCKING WIND.’"

[ewan-mo]

Out to a clinic.

Sunday 24th September 

We woke to a grey morning that looked as though it might turn into rain, which, sure enough, it did. I started out with a top and trousers, added a cardi, then added a rather warm fleece. At one stage I thought maybe I should have worn my tights.

Our driver appeared promptly at 8.15 am, pretty much as the rain was starting. It quickly became quite heavy, and the dirt track down to the main road took some negotiating. We were on our way to Namakwa Clinic run by Mukono Hospital, one of our mental health teams that is really flying. We then spent a wee while waiting for the team, who had an equally challenging drive to the health centre and church at Namakwa.

How to succeed at a Sunday morning mental health clinic without really trying? Look for where the people are – they are at church of course. So the clinic is held at a time when they can both come to church and keep their appointment. 

The clinic with the road in the foreground.

Lamet, Emmanuel and newly qualified PCO Eseza are three clinical officers for whom I have the greatest affection and admiration. I sat in on the clinic run by Emmanuel and Eseza, while Ewan and Lamet got together over spreadsheets in the back of the vehicle. 

In keeping with the teaching session we held last week, many of the patients have epilepsy. Straightforward enough if you do the minimum (check number of seizures, adjust the meds, say goodbye) but so much more interesting and useful if you get to know the patient a little better and find out about their lives. And check on the relative who has come with them, perhaps? 

Many of the children who came have intellectual disability as well as seizures, and some have genetic syndromes. The teaching delivered last week by our friends from Cheshire & Wirral was spot on! One of the Namakwa children needed referral to specialist paediatrics; the relevant specialist also works at the big mental hospital. Emmanuel was confident the child would be properly assessed. I know we have long waiting lists in the NHS now, but sometimes there aren’t even the specialists available in this country.

A few of the epilepsy patients have mental illness as well. Very few neurologists here, and very limited access to investigations. In the UK we have sizeable neurology departments to look after this group of patients. Here, a significant proportion of the population have epilepsy and many have no access to treatment at all. 

Emmanuel smiled broadly to see one young lady. Last time he saw her she was very excitable, talkative, irritable: now she is calm and contented. Sometimes the medicine is just the thing!  

We had one new patient. You might have almost ‘recognised’ her – she was unkempt but had on a few strings of small beads and bracelets, and a dress that had clearly been almost a party frock but was now grubby and torn. She was carrying in bags what Emmanuel described as her ‘treasures’ – such an appropriate word for the things people might carry around with them.  She said her father had told her to come because she was hearing voices, then later told us her parents were dead. The father she referred to turned out to be the village headman, who was, thankfully, keeping an eye on her. 

Waiting to be seen.

One attractive young woman was wearing a very pretty dress, like many of the women. Not sure whether they had dressed up for church or clinic, but either would be characteristic. This lass had had an illness like schizophrenia from early on in her life. She grew into a teenage beauty and got pregnant, almost certainly unintentionally. It’s a common outcome when girls aren’t in education, and there were many such pregnancies during Covid, when no children were in school.

Our young lady told the clinic staff about the baby, then disappeared for 2 months. This was the next review: no pregnancy. We don’t know what really happened. I was so impressed today by how our clinical officers were serenely dealing not only mental illness epilepsy and paediatrics, but also assorted medical and surgical conditions, including obs and gynae. 

Several of the patients told me how grateful they were for the clinic and the medicines that made their lives to be more normal including this lady and her son.

On the veranda I found this small charcoal stove with a pan on top and a bag of charcoal behind.  It is a widely used fuel in towns but not very ecologically friendly.

After an intense but very interesting morning’s work, we took our colleagues out to lunch. On the whole, Ugandans really enjoy their food. It may be something to do with the lack of food security – if you are a subsistence farmer growing your family’s food and the rains fail, there is nothing to eat. Perhaps it’s not surprising that our young people packed away very substantial platefuls! 

a good plateful.

[kamyru]

Turn my experience as a med student into fan-fiction ideas

Some of you know I'm a med student, but some don't. So, as a background: I am in my 3rd year of med school in East Europe. And I study the six-year-long program, where the first three we study general sciences regarding medicine (microbiology, biochemistry, pharmacology, physiology, etc), and the last three we study medical fields. Also, we are allowed in the hospitals, have labs in there, talk with patients, are required to have one month of Summer practice every year, can volunteer at the emergency room, and other things. During these years, I accumulated a little experience in how hospitals work. 

There are some things that I went through that I'm ready to write about, especially because one of the otome I take requests for is "Romance MD: Always on Call" (Now, I write for Kasumi, Takado, and Sentaro). However, if you have ideas, you can request things from here for other games. And here is my idea: I tell you my experience, and you send me requests based on it. 

Trigger warning: Mention of sexual harassment, death, suicide attempt, suicide

The doctor declared the patient dead while I was the one doing CPR.

One of our professors tried to convince a museum to give them a deformed human leg because they had never seen anything like this and wanted it for their collection.

One older doctor sexually harassed my friend and me while we were on the night shift because they knew there was no one to punish them or be on our side.

A colleague saved a woman on the streets by giving her CPR in time before the ambulance arrived and didn't tell anyone for more than a year.

While visiting the NICU (neonatal intensive care unit), we found out that three out of five prematurely born babies that were at the time in there were abandoned. 

A colleague who was too afraid to choose medicine from the start decided to try their chances and enter the university. The year they chose to be their last try, they finally got accepted. 

One of the colleagues, who was doing their practice at the Forensic Medicine department, found out that the dead patient was their cousin. 

A patient that came into the ER after a suicide attempt told us that their dream was to be a doctor, but their parents told them to give up because they were an ethnic minority.

I found out my mom was in the hospital during the exam period. 

More than 10% of the dead people from Forensic Medicine that we saw during practice were doctors that committed suicide. 

A doctor from ICU gave us a motivational and full of empathy speech about how we must be kind to all the patients even if we are tired because no patient wants to come to ER just for fun.

My boyfriend cheated on me with my best friend while I was away at the university because "he felt lonely and ignored".

A parent from the ER tried to convince the doctors to let them go home because they had a kid to take care of, and the kid was left alone at home. 

Missed holidays with my family because I had to prepare for exams.

Saw my best friend quit medical University due to mental health issues.

As I said, my blog isn't about my medical experience. But there are stories that I want to tell, and I think that incorporating them in fiction would help me get this out of my chest and others find out more about the medical system. So, if you have any ideas, don't hesitate to send them to me. 

I write about:

Her Love in the Force (All characters)

Irresistible Mistakes (Yukihisa Maki, Shunichiro Tachibana, Jun Araki, Toshiaki Kijima, Toma Kiriya, Natsume Asaoka)

Oops! I Said Yes?! (All characters + Daimon Togo)

PLUST Loving U so True (Mikoto Amamitsu, Ryoga Buto)

Professional Boyfriend (Ikki Tatsumi)

Romance MD: Always on Call (Toshiki Kasumi, Munechika Takado, Sentaro Kyogoku)

Tokyo Love Hustle (Taro Akuchi, Suzumu Mado)

[memoamp]

Kristy Le (she/her) - UCSD '22

Career Goal: Labor and Delivery Registered Nurse (RN)

Major: General Biology

Introduction: Hi you! If I've caught your eye, some things about me are that I'm pretty extroverted, hardworking, genuine, and down-to-earth hehe (´꒳`)

My hobbies nowadays tend to be exploring cafes and cities, doing spontaneous photoshoots, watching movies or anime in movie theatres (AMC stubs membership >:D), and indulging in deep talks !! 🌱

Involvements: There were a couple of jobs and involvements I had during undergrad, but to gear it towards MEMO, I was MEMO Publicity Intern, Publicity Chair, and now Administrative Director! Outside of MEMO or school, I worked as a CNA and obgyn MA! …and a handful of fun side jobs like bobarista and tutor haha

Extracurriculars: During my undergraduate years, I put myself out there to explore lots of the different orgs offered at UCSD. I joined VSA, MASA (multi-asian student association), MEMO, KASA, and I was interested in joining the campus tennis and dancing teams. While I ended up being mostly active in VSA, MASA, and MEMO, I thoroughly enjoyed my time having been in all those undergrad organizations that I peeked my head in. I met so many people, was inspired by so many, and learned lots about myself along the way! Even if you're trying to focus on doing what's best for your academic or career life, you have to remember to live for yourself as well and do the hobbies or things you've always wanted to try during undergrad college! Only then will most of those opportunities be most free anyways HAHA

What kind of advice would you be giving? If you truly think there's a field you're interested in, whether that be pre-med, pre-PA, pre-nursing, or a specific specialty you think you're passionate about, you should always aim to put yourself in that setting. For example, I always knew I loved kids and babies, so I went and volunteered at a NICU department at Jacob's Medical Center Hospital in La Jolla. Little did I know, it was way more boring than I imagined. Yes I got to be around newborn babies each volunteering shift, but most of the time, they were already asleep as they were supposed to be, and I found myself walking around, counting down the hours and minutes until my shift would be over because everything was already stocked, and nurses were mostly sitting in their chairs doing their laptop work for the babies. After that experience, I learned that NICU wasn't all I thought it would be for me, and now, I think I'm more interested in labor & delivery or pediatrics. For me, I learned that I want to be more on my feet while not going through too much running around, so here I am working at an OBGYN clinic. To sum up my advice, make sure you truly understand what you would be experiencing when you say you want to go into a certain field or specialty. It may not be as you imagine sometimes, and there's other factors to consider when you're in such positions too! (like how much free/family time, lunch breaks, patient care, etc).

Best piece of advice you've received? Take a gap year or two. If you are like how I used to be -- academically determined -- then this may be advice that you may or may not think about, but I truly appreciate my gap years. It's the only time you get to find yourself. Whether you improve yourself for your resume before applying to graduate schools or just discover what hobbies or routines you now develop, taking a gap year will be the break you DESERVE. No one's truly rushing you to finish your education, except yourself. Go travel. Go retake those classes. Go work part-time at that one cafe or place you've always loved. Use your gap year(s) to brace yourself and put together why you are passionate for the graduate school(s) you wish to attend.

Preferred method(s) of communication: Phone Number (text/call), Facebook Messenger, Instagram

[psychokangaroo]

How many MDs do you think are suicidal? It’s depressing and scary that the people we need to be healthy the most are suffering so much. I think this is the main reason I never continued my mcat studying bc i felt that my mental illness would get worse in medical school. & that I’m afraid i’ll kms at some point during residency :\ Are you currently taking anything to help? A little demon in the back of my head tells me “Anon ur taking zoloft & wellbutrin & adderall, you’ll be FINE!” but then a part of me feels I shouldnt risk it and stay away from the unnecessary stress… idk anymore

So at some point I'm going to add a bit more commentary about suicide medicine to this but the short version is that I'm doing fine, actually. I was just in a weird mood after a swing shift in thr ER so I was reminiscing some stuff at night. The stuff I mentioned happened 3-4 years ago, while I was still processing the unintentional emotional abuse from my parents, who are trying their best as immigrants, and dealing with PTSD and a somewhat toxic grad school environment. The stuff that happened actually were part of why I became a psychiatrist. I went through 2 weeks of a partial hospitalization program another 3-4 weeks of intensive outpatient afterwards. At some point I was on 2 antidepressants and an adhd med with some antidepressant propertoes and an as needed for sleep and panic attack along with weekly therapy, but I'm okay now on just one SSRI, occasional ginseng, and no therapy. Med school and a career in medicine us a high stress environment, but people do make it through sometimes mostly with their sanity intact. One thing I'd recommend is really think about why yoi want to go to medicine, how much you like the alternative career paths, and how much you are willing to put up for it.

(More stuff on the environment and physician suicide later because I'm drinking to celebrate finishing emergency medicine and readying my sanity to deal with tye neurology department at my hospital again)

[guess-my-next-obsession]

Peña’s Anatomy — Prologue

pairing: doctor au!javier peña x resident!reader

series warnings: reader has a vagina and presents as a woman, no use of Y/N, work relationship dynamic, age gap (10 years), enemies to lovers trope, future explicit content (this chapter is tame but others will not be so 18+ only), hospital stuff (injuries, illnesses, mild gore, trauma)

word count: 1.6k

authors note: after rewatching greys for the sixth time, i found myself imagining my favorite of the pedro boys as a doctor and decided it was too good of a fantasy not to write 🙈

series masterlist

The stupidest mistake you could have ever made for yourself was to switch hospitals in the middle of your surgical residency. Though your last hospital’s rank was quite mediocre and the town you’d been living in was far too small for an ambitious woman like you, it was familiar.

It was the same hospital you were born in, the same hospital you were stuck in when your tonsils were taken out as a kid, the same hospital you found yourself praying in when your grandmother passed away, and it was even the same hospital you did your clinicals at in med school. Hate it or love it, it was your second home—especially for the last three years of your residency.

But all good things had to come to an end at some point.

You needed to get out of your small midwestern town. Needed to explore and grow. So, when the opportunity came around for you to take a spot at a nicely ranked hospital in San Antonio, Texas, you (very) nervously accepted.

One month later, you found yourself sitting on a city bus, rain pouring down around you as if you were in the middle of a hurricane. You clutched your lunch box tightly to your stomach as you bounced your knee, the nerves of your first day on the job settling in with each passing mile.

You thanked the heavens that the public transport delivered you right at the doorstep of the hospital, only forcing you to have to jog the short distance from the bus to the sliding doors of the surgical department in the pouring rain. Somehow, even though you were only in the rain for less than five seconds, you were absolutely drenched when you stepped inside the building.

The air conditioning immediately hit you, your body shivering as you made your way to the nurses station. The young woman sitting on the other side of the counter typing away on her computer paid you little mind as you stood in front of her with a nervous smile. After a few beats of her actively ignoring you, you cleared your throat and gave her a friendlier smile as her eyes met yours.

“Can I help you?” Her tone was laced with irritation, quickly reminding you of all of your old high school mean girls.

“Sorry, uh, I’m here for my first day. I’m a surgical resident, I just had no idea—“

“Dr. Peña,” she perked up as her eyes locked with someone over your shoulder. You turned your head around to take in a very handsome man in a white coat walking over to the counter, his eyes crinkling as he smiled at the nurse.

“Jessica, how are you doing this morning? I hope you got some much needed rest over the weekend.” He winked at the young woman, the two of them ogling each other in a way that made you feel like an involuntary voyeur. You lowered your eyes to the lunchbox in your hands and waited for your turn to speak, not wanting to start your residency off by pissing off a nurse and a doctor.

“You know I didn’t.” She winked back at him, the two smiling at one another knowingly. You cleared your throat again, this time drawing the doctors eyes to yours. “Oh, yeah. She’s the new resident. Could you show her to the locker rooms and get her set up for the day?”

“Not like I have life-saving surgeries to prep for or anything.” He chided while giving your entire form a once over.

“I’m sure I can find my own way if it’s an inconvenience—“

“No, come on. I’m already walking that way anyways.” He both looked and sounded physically pained by your presence as he started off down a long hall, your footsteps speeding up as you tried to keep up with his long strides.

“What, uh, what’s your specialty?” You knew he didn’t want to talk—you knew that—but for some inexplicable reason, you couldn’t stop yourself from trying to ease the awkward silence.

He shot you a pointed look from over his shoulder and scoffed at your question with a chuckle, quickly turning a corner and weaving through the hallway traffic like an expert. You whispered apologies to the nurses you ran into while trying to follow the doctor, suddenly finding yourself regretting the decision to leave your old hospital.

“Peña, you look like a sack of shit today. Spend all weekend juggling nurses again?” A fellow white coat teased your guide as the two of you passed her in the hall. He chuckled and held up his middle finger without turning around.

“Alright,” he sighed as he gestured to a locker room at the end of the hall, hardly making eye contact with you as he stood by the door. “This is the resident’s locker room. Scrubs and stuff are in there. What’s your name again?”

He reached for a clipboard that sat in the basket hung on the door, plucking it out and scanning his eyes over the paper. You stumbled over your words as you studied his stern face, his jaw clenching as he read.

“I hope you’re not always so hard of hearing.”

“S-sorry, sorry. Just a little overwhelmed.” You watched as his eyes lifted from the paper to yours, softening just the slightest bit as he took in your anxious state. You told him your name and he nodded, dropping his eyes back to the sheet he was holding.

“Well, lucky for me, you’re on Dr. Neil’s service for the week. Have you been on an OB service before?” His eyes found yours again and demanded an answer, but you couldn’t get over the fact that he’d just insulted you to your face. After a moment of you not responding to his question, he sighed and hung up the clipboard. “I’ll take that as a no.”

“N-no, I have plenty of experience on OB. I have plenty of experience on every service.” You had to dig deep, but you managed to find your confidence—the same confidence that earned you the top spot in your class in medical school and the same confidence that got you the job at this very hospital. “Perhaps it’s lucky for both of us that I’m not on your service, Dr. Peña.”

You didn’t stick around to take in his reaction, mostly out of sheer fear than anything, instead choosing to walk right into the locker room.

“Oh, hello. You’re new.” A man your age passed right by you as you stood in front of the door, studying the layout of the locker room. He smirked at you cockily and leaned against the lockers, his eyes combing over your form. “Need help finding your way around?”

“I’d rather remain lost.” You gave him a condescending smile and walked past him, a girl sitting down on the bench behind him now snickering as you neared her.

“I think you and I are going to get along well.” She stood up and held her hand out, offering you a friendly smile. “I’m Mickey, you must be the transfer.”

“I am,” you smiled back at her and shook her hand. “Are, uh, are all the lockers open or do I get assigned one, or…”

“No, they’re a free for all. You can take this one by me if you want.” She pointed at a grey locker besides the one with her name on it. “Hope you brought a lock. We’ve got a real thievery problem around here.”

“Oh, yeah?” You chuckled and opened up the locker, stuffing your bag and lunch box inside of it before walking over to the shelves where fresh scrubs sat. After changing, you locked up your locker and slid on your work shoes, Mickey filling you in on the residents to avoid—like Michael, the man who so kindly eyed you up when you walked in—and the ones who were safe.

“Who’s service are you on this week?” She asked you as she walked you out of the locker room and into the hall.

“Dr. Neil? I think that’s what that asshole doctor said.”

“Who’s the asshole doctor?” She asked, turning her head to look at you as she walked with the same pace as Dr. Peña from earlier.

“Dr. Peña. He’s the one who brought me to the locker room.” She chuckled and raised her eyebrows, giving you an amused look. “What?”

“Dr. Peña is the Chief’s golden boy. I hope you didn’t get off on a bad foot with him. He’ll make your life a living hell.” You winced at her words, turning your eyes forward as you cursed yourself internally for giving him a taste of his own medicine earlier.

You knew it was a dumb idea to get off in the wrong foot on your very first day, and yet the man had drove you to the point of stupidity with his blatant rudeness. Now you had to walk on eggshells around the Chief’s right hand man for the next four years of your residency.

Great. Really worth it.

taglist: @joelmillerscoffee @ajeff855 @wildemaven @axshadows @sherala007 @browneyes-issac @tooflef @mariasabana @tae27 @kimm4710 @stxrrylunatic @sara-alonso @paulalikestuff @jbh-castaway @oceandolores @mandomover @chxpsi @auberosier @mashomasho @vanemando15 @wickedmunson @marvel-sw-lover @jediknight122 @harriedandharassed @star-wars-fan-2005 @alwaysdjarin @jalobro @trickstersp8 @mccn-bcys @manuymesut @tanzthompson @jlmaddinson (sorry if your tag isn’t working!)

[footprintsinthesxnd]

Love Through the Pages | Chapter 2

Masterlist

Synopsis: Bob Floyd isn’t the man you typically find in a love story. His awkward mannerism and unusual ways don’t make him the typical heart throb, but Bob certainly has his charms. He finds love in an unexpected place when he finds a hidden message in a book that changes his life for ever. He meets the girl of his dreams but true love is not always an easy road and can they survive the ups and downs that life throws at them.

Warnings: 18+, potential slow burn, mentions of injuries and hospitals, language, smut, 18+. No specific warnings for this chapter.

Working a night shift was like living in one of the seven levels of hell, the never-ending abuse and criticism had you collapsing onto the locker room bench. You knew when you took the job in the ER department of one of the busiest hospitals that it was going to be stressfu,l but the night shift was even more hellish. The stream of patients was never ending and the doctors had been even more demanding than ever. You shut your eyes, bringing your hand up to shield them from the glaring lights as you lay flat on the bench. 12 hours on your feet and you still had to get up and walk home. Groaning, you rolled onto your side, propping yourself up on your elbow and reaching across to your locker. You grabbed your bag quickly, pulling your hoodie over the top of your scrubs and shoving your stethoscope into your rucksack. Just as you reached for the door one of the junior doctors rushed in smiling at you. Her name was Natasha, she was kind and hard-working and you’d warmed to her quickly. Being a nurse it was nice to work with a doctor who respected you and Natasha was just that. She always treated her nurses fairly and so you never minded working with her.

“Hey Nat, you finished for the day too?”

“Yeah,” she said a little breathlessly. “I dashed to the locker room before someone tried to rope me into doing something else.” You both laughed, knowing how easy it would be to become drawn into another case and never leave.

“I don’t blame you. Have a good one, Nat.” You waved her goodbye as you exited the room and made your way down the crowded corridor. People pushed and shoved against you as you fought to make your way to the exit. Outside wasn’t much better, the ambulance bay was packed, with EMTs running around, and there were patients seated in the back of the vehicles waiting to be admitted. Sighing you shook your head, weaving through the vehicles and onto the street. There were queues as far as the eye could see, rush hour traffic back to back. Each car contained a bad-tempered face as they watched the clock tick by while staying stationary in the sea of cars. This was the bonus of walking to work, you only lived a few blocks away so it seemed pointless to be driving anyway. Today was a special day, a new bookshop had opened on the corner of Main Street and you just so happened to know the owner.

Bradley Bradshaw had been your best friend since High School, you’d been joined at the hip and had only spent a handful of days apart since you’d met. While you’d gone off to med school to become a nurse, Bradley had studied English Literature and History. You’d been college roommates, but Bradley had moved in with his boyfriend shortly after college so you shared with Mickey and Rueben, two airline pilots who were so rarely home that you basically had the place to yourself. Bradley had broken up with his boyfriend three months ago and so had decided to fulfil his childhood dream of owning a bookshop.

The walk to the shop wasn’t far and you reached it in record time, pushing open the wooden door and letting yourself in.

“Bradley,” you called out, trudging down between the isles of books, running your hand along the leather-bound novels, paperbacks and hardbacks, encyclopedia and dictionaries. You’d always loved reading, thinking of nothing better than sitting in a cosy corner with your nose stuck in a book. It was one of the main reasons you and Bradley had become friends, bonding over a book you were reading in the school library. A loud bang came from the back of the store and a rather frazzled-looking Bradley appeared in the doorway. His disheveled brown hair was sticking up at all angles and his eyes were wide. He called out to you in surprise before rushing over and pulling you into a hug.

“Alright big guy, steady on, I’m post night shift and barely functioning.” He laughed as he walked into the back and you could hear him put the kettle on.

“What happened to the girl I knew in High School who could go out to party until the early hours of the morning and still sit her anatomy exam the next day.”

“I got old,” you moaned, sagging down onto the worn red sofa that occupied the corner of the shop. Bradley gave you a bemused look before going and making you both a cup of coffee.

“Oh, my life source,” you hummed, taking a small sip from your drink. “This is what gets me through the day.”

“You have got to drink more water, Sweetheart.” You smiled at your nickname, it had been the one Bradley had used since the start of your friendship and you loved it. You’d only ever had two boyfriends but neither of them called you ‘Sweetheart’ as Bradley did.

“So you got any new books yet?” You asked, looking at Bradley out of the corner of your eye as you drank. Bradley snorted, throwing his arm over the back of the sofa.

“I literally opened the shop today, you’re my first customer.”

“But do you have any new books?” You looked at him quizzically and he sighed, standing up and collecting a cardboard box from the counter.

“Here’s a few new ones I haven’t put out yet, but don’t…” It was too late, you had already dived into the box, ready to devour whatever new novel you found. There wasn’t anything exciting, some you had already read and others just didn’t hold your interest but one you noticed was one of your favourites, a book you’d loved since your childhood, ‘The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe.

“I knew you’d like that one,” Bradley beamed at you. You grinned back, picking the book up and flicking through the first few pages. This book was new and shiny, the red leather binding was not worn and the pages were not creased. Your copy has been well used and well loved and it showed, but you read it again regardless.

“You can take it if you want,” Bradley nodded towards the book carelessly. You looked down at the book again, fighting the urge to stuff it into your bag.

“No, I can’t. I want someone else to love it as much as I do, but maybe we could have a little fun with it.” Bradley’s brow furrowed as he watched you draw a pen out of your pocket and start scribbling on the front page of the book. He looked even more confused when you snapped the book shut and placed it carefully back into the box.

“What was all that about?” He gave you a bemused look and you just smiled. He groaned, “please tell me it’s not another one of your clues you do. None of the guys ever responded in college when you did it. No one else manages to crack your codes.”

“Just wait and see, maybe there will be a guy that’s smarter than those idiot college boys you dated.” You stood up, dusting your scrubs off and picking your bag up off the floor. “And anyway the code isn’t even that hard.”

“Easy for you to say. You're such a hopeless romantic. I’m afraid to say it but life isn’t like all those romcoms you watch. People don’t meet the love of their life in a bookshop, love, it just doesn’t happen.” Bradley had a point but you weren’t about to agree with him. You’d been on multiple failed dates and had even let Bradley sign you up for online dating, which you hated and deleted almost immediately. You loved the idea of love, where the characters had a meet-cute and fell hopelessly in love, there had to be some drama but then it always ended happily. You sighed. “Well, I better be heading home. Post night shift and all.” Bradley shook his head, he’d always found it amusing how often you’d remind people you’d done a night shift even if you weren’t that tired, it was like your get-out-of-jail-free card.

“Alright, hard-working, woman of the world. I’ll see you later, yeah?” You nodded at him, waving goodbye. Bradley called after you. “I’ll let you know when Mr Right buys the book.”

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[serenity-lattes]

Chapter 1/20 of How to Save a Life

Pairing: Steve Harrington x Eddie Munson x Billy Hargrove

Series Summary: Grey’s Anatomy AU, focusing on the lives of surgical interns, residents, and attendings as they grow into seasoned doctors while balancing personal and professional relationships. Steve and Eddie run around like headless chickens their first year, and when things finally seem like they’ll settle for the second year residents, Billy comes into their life, shaking everything up again. 

Chapter Summary: Our group of interns (Steve, Eddie, Carol, Tommy, Nicole, and Keith) are shown the hospital and are fighting to win that first surgery at the end of the day.

Warnings: Canon typical blood/gore, details of medical procedures, surgical tools, anxiety attack, vomit, minor character death, major injuries. It’s a hospital/surgery AU.

Word Count: 2185

A/N: For my A1 square, “In other good news, flattery works for me” for @harringroveson-bingo​​ This chapter is inspired by Grey’s Anatomy episode: 1x01

The operating room. The thought of one can bring someone anxiety, but sometimes it can give someone an absolute thrill. It’s crystal clean to the point you can see your reflection in the marble floor, fluorescent lights blind you, and your nose is scrunched from the intense smell of disinfectant. Today, there are six brand new doctors who are positively giddy to be in one. 

“Each of you comes here today hopeful, wanting in on the game. A month ago, you were in med school being taught by doctors. Today... you are the doctors,” The chief of surgery, Dr. Jim Hopper says, voice reverberating off the tile walls, “The seven years you spend here as a surgical resident will be the best and worst of your life. You will be pushed to the breaking point.”

Steve Harrington runs a hand along the tray that would hold the surgical tools, flinching slightly from the cold metal. It nearly sends a chill down his spine from the thought that soon, finally, he will be in one of these operating rooms performing life-saving surgeries. 

“Look around you. Say hello to your competition,” Jim calls out, taking a moment to look at each of the six doctors looking amongst each other, “Two of you will switch to an easier specialty. One will crack under the pressure. One of you will be asked to leave.”

Jim had to go through a strict screening process, accepting these six people carefully. Of course, he had an idea who would flake out, who would crack, who he would eventually fire, but he kept his expectations high. After all, they didn’t just pass medical school without brain power and incredible effort. 

“This is your starting line. This is your arena.” He says, giving the group a pointed look, “How well you play, that's up to you.”

Another doctor confidently strolls into the room, as if ready for battle, peaking the interest of the six interns. The doctor shares a nod with Jim and Jim leaves the room, allowing Dr. Murray Bauman to have the lead of the interns’ initiation. 

“I am Dr. Murray Bauman, I am the head of the trauma department,” he says, giving the group a dramatic bow, “Now. I’ve got five rules and you best memorize them. Let’s get a move on, kiddos.”

Dr. Bauman turns on his heel and exits the O.R. with his coat fanning behind him like a cape. The six interns rush out of the room, pushing at each other to get out the door.

“Rule number one, don't bother sucking up. We already hate you and that's probably not changing. Ask me again in five years if any of you make it,” he muses before pointing out the six brand new phones on the nurses’ station, “Congrats, everyone. Free work phones. It is strictly for work, no extra curricular videos or texts, kiddos. Nurses will contact you, you answer every call or text at a run. A run, do you hear me? That's rule number two.”

Eddie Munson is the first to grab one of the shiny new phones. He had never had a new phone in his life because paying for med school was a priority.

“Your first shift starts now and lasts for the next forty-eight hours. As you know, you're interns. Thus, you’re grunts, nobodies, and the bottom of the surgical food chain.”

“In other good news, flattery works with me,” Eddie deadpanned, glancing over at Steve who was the closest to him. 

“You will run labs, write orders, and work every second up until you feel like you’re ready to drop!”

Murray leads the group through the hallway, pointing out a specific door, “On call rooms. Sleep when you can and where you can. This brings me to rule number three, if you’re sleeping with each other, don’t bring your bullshit into the hospital. This is the big leagues, people, high school is over!”

Tommy Hagan and Carol Perkins tense up and inch away from each other, avoiding each other’s gaze. Steve curls his lip in disgust. He’d had his fill of the two of them during med school. The thought of them being gross at work was enough to make him start tasting that sesame bagel from this morning. 

“Rule number four, if your attending is sleeping, don't wake them unless your patient is actually dying. That being said, said patient better not be dead when they get there. Time is of the essence and we like to cherish what little of it we have.”

Murray began to look over the group, trying to gauge their reactions, figure out who he was going to pair with who today. Then one of the interns raised her hand, sheepishly. 

“Yes little orphan Annie?” Murray huffed, unimpressed that his plan was being interrupted.

“My name is Nicole,” she frowned, “But you said there are five rules and that was only four.”

Murray’s phone blipped with a message. A smirk spread across his face and he dangled his phone in their faces.

“Rule number five. When your attending moves, you move, too.”

Murray sprints down the hall, the six interns following closely behind. He led them to the E.R. where they were being met with a man curled up on a gurney.

“Okay, children, what do we do first?”

Carol is the first to pipe up, immediately spouting off various tests that should be run. Eddie gets the man on his back, checking the four quadrants of the abdomen. Steve starts asking the man questions to form a history. 

“If his pain is on the right side, it could be his appendix. CT’s gonna take too long to check, we can do an ultrasound instead,” Steve says urgently, checking the man’s temperature, “Not to mention he’s febrile.”

Eddie looks up at the other three just standing there, “You just gonna stand there or are you gonna get the ultrasound in here?”

Murray smirks. Oh, he likes the fire in that one. He just might have to steal him away for trauma. Keith wheels the machine in, but trips and falls on his face, making Nicole yelp in surprise. Eddie cringes at the sight of Keith’s bloody nose and snatches up the gel to squirt onto the patient’s abdomen. 

“Sorry, sir. This will be cold,” Eddie says, squeezing the bottle for an ample amount. Steve gets the machine on and hands the wand over to Eddie.

The three of them look at the screen, looking for any indications of what’s causing this man’s pain. 

“There,” Carol speaks up, pointing to one of the corners of the screen. Eddie squints and moves the wand to get a better look.

“Would you look at that? It’s supposed to be a gallbladder but it looks like a sac of stones,” Eddie murmurs, looking back to Murray, “cholecystitis.”

Murray nearly looked impressed. Nearly. He then stepped out to make a call. Steve and Eddie shared a look amongst themselves. Did they just mess up? Why did he leave?  After they cleaned the man’s stomach and got him comfortable in bed, Murray returned. 

“As you may know, the intern who shows the most promise gets to perform in the O.R. for the first time,” Murray says, hands clasped behind his back. In walks another doctor, one many of the interns knew, one who inspired most of them during med school. Dr. Joyce Byers, the head of general surgery. “Now, lucky for you all, I was able to make a quick judgment based on this case alone. Dr. Byers will be shadowing one of you lucky ducks as you perform your very first surgery, a chole.”

The six interns gasped, Tommy and Carol, namely. Steve watched with doe eyes, silently hoping it would be him. There was no way it was going to be Keith, that much was certain. 

“Congrats, Guns n’ Roses, today’s your lucky day.”

Eddie’s jaw dropped in disbelief as he stepped forward to shake both Murray’s and Joyce’s hands, thanking them for the opportunity. 

“Now, freckles, Cheeto dust, and orphan Annie, I don’t want you two touching anyone else for the rest of the day, so you’re going to the gallery to watch Munson and maybe, hopefully you’ll learn something,” Murray says, clapping Eddie on the back as he walks by, not sparing a second glance at the three interns who have already disappointed him today.

“C’mon, Dr. Munson, I’ll take you down to the scrub room,” Joyce smiles like a literal angel. No wonder she was so widely renowned, and not only for her talent. Keith, Nicole, and Tommy followed behind, ashamed that they were only to be present in the gallery. 

Murray turns back to the remaining two interns, eyes narrowing. 

“Swayze and loud-mouth, you didn’t disappoint me just now. Therefore, as a kindness, I will be introducing you to the head of our cardiothoracic department, Dr. Newby.”

Now, Steve couldn’t quite complain about that. Robert Newby was nearly as renowned as Joyce Byers, and to have the opportunity to work with so many great surgeons… Well, there aren’t enough words to convey such a feeling. 

Inside the scrub room, Eddie was lathered in soap, still in disbelief that he was about to do his first surgery on his first day as a doctor. He expected it to be weeks later. Yet here he was, alongside Joyce Byers. 

Joyce quizzed him on the steps of a chole procedure, making sure he wasn’t totally in over his head. So far he seemed collected enough she wasn’t worried he was overly confident or too nervous. A happy medium. If he choked, though, she was ready to step in and take over. This wasn’t the first intern she has worked with and trained, nor would he be the last. 

Once efficiently scrubbed and rinsed, Joyce and Eddie entered the operating room. It wasn’t empty like when the chief first introduced them, no. There were plenty of people moving like a well oiled machine- an anesthesiologist, scrub nurse, circulating nurse, the patient, now soon to add two surgeons.

“Hello, everyone. This is Dr. Munson and he will be attempting his first surgery this afternoon,” Joyce chimes as the scrub nurse begins to glove both her and Eddie, “Interns in the gallery? Please pay close attention. This will be you in the weeks to come.”

Eddie turns to look up at the faces in the gallery- Tommy, Nicole, and Keith, his fellow interns. There are other doctors he has yet to meet, some residents and attendings. The pressure is certainly on.

Joyce steps aside to the assistant surgeon position, allowing room for Eddie. He steps up, giving her curious eyes. Honestly, he’s in disbelief that he’s actually doing this.  

“Alright, doctor. Which tool are you choosing?” she asks, eyes upturned in a smile above her mask.

Eddie takes a breath, “Ten blade, please,” he says, turning to the scrub nurse with an open hand. 

Meanwhile in the cardiothoracic department, Steve and Carol join Dr. Newby during his rounds of patients. Most would expect this floor to be full of elderly patients, when really, there are patients of all ages. 

Currently there’s a woman who is struggling with complications after a coronary bypass. The nurse is shouting out a series of symptoms for Dr. Newby to care for- plummeted blood pressure, v-tach, sky-high central venous pressure, and she’s maxed out on meds. Steve watches, mouth agape.

Medical school was one thing. They practiced on people who were already dead, but there was something about actually watching someone potentially die that was far more haunting. Carol watched, hands covering her mouth. Thank god Dr. Newby wasn’t calling them in to help.

Blood clot. 

Next thing they know, the woman is being flayed open in her room because there’s no time to get her back down to the operating room. Dr. Newby moves expertly, removing the clot with his hands rather than a suction. Steve and Carol had never seen anything like it. 

Then the heart monitor rings out that high pitched sound. She’s flatlining and no amount of massaging her heart or shocks from the internal paddles is helping. She’s gone and Steve just watched her die. Literally see the moment the life left her body.

“Time of death, 14:39.”

Steve can’t hear Carol call out for him because his ears are ringing. He can’t hear the nurse ask him if he’s okay because his head is suddenly pounding. He doesn’t notice the lady looking shocked by his appearance as he shoves himself through the door of the nearest bathroom. And he certainly doesn’t notice anything else as he flings himself down to the nearest toilet as that sesame bagel from this morning finally makes its appearance back into the world.

Meanwhile Eddie’s in the O.R. riding on a high as he knots the last stitch for his patient after a successful chole. Joyce is incredibly impressed, as most interns flub their first surgery. 

Murray was right in choosing this one, she thinks. He’s going to be special.

 NEXT PART -> 

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