#this is a 3am thought. i have a flight at like 11:30

[luvranton]

i know erik called what quinn and tank had a ‘brief dalliance’ but like. what if it was only a dalliance to quinn and not to tank. and tank actually saw him as a possible life partner at one point

and it just made it harder for them to report him to the department. because. they felt like they were ‘betraying him’ despite the fact that he’s a SHITHEAD hshsahaha 😀

lovebombing victim final boss

[libra-stellium]

Tracking my Mars transits!

Notes are from Planets in Transit by Robert Hand.

Mars square Jupiter (Mar 31 - Apr 7)

Time of very successful and energetic activity

Low key disappointed by this bc I thought I would get a lot more done but that saturn trine mars transit had me deadddd. I still ended up doing more than usual like going to happy hour!

Keep close track of what you are doing

Real! bc why did my supervisor call me on the phone to ask me what I was working on lmao makes sense bc my jupiter is in my 10H.

You may be infected with an unjustified optimism that anything you do today "will turn to gold" but it will happen through intelligent planning and foresight

The day I went to happy hour (4/5) I told my friend I was good for 4pm bc I could just clock out when I got there bc i had no assignments and tell me why I'm getting ready and I get an email at 2pm like can you edit this brief? omgggg and I texted my friend "I've done more in less time it's whatever" like girl as if this isn't serious work and it went great and I was on time to happy hour! Things keep working out so I will keep acting accordingly lmao

Do not overextend yourself, if you go beyond your normal limits the time will come when you have to pay for this

Thissssssss fml bc at happy hour I had a mango mojito and it was good but too sweet so then I got the espresso martini flight and it was sooo cute and soooo yummy! Except....I barely ate that day and the food at the restaurant was meh so we just shared buffalo chicken dip and when I got home at like 8pm I felt fine and thennnn i could NOT go to sleep bc 3 espresso martinis!! So i had a dance party in my apt to burn off energy and all of a sudden it was 3am and I go to bed and i feel SICK to my fucking stomach I was so bloated I felt lightheaded I got up and not even alka seltzer could save me omg I started doing high knees at 4am bc in my head moving like that would move my intestines lol I went to sleep at 4:30 and then the whole next day I felt sooooo bad but I blamed the eclipse energy lmfaooo (narrator: she did that shit to herself!!")

Jupiter rules your desire to include more of the universe in your own experiences

I was seeing 333 everywhere including on the bar code of a cookie I was eating lol

Mars trine Mars (Apr 4 - Apr 11)

Time of vigorous self assertion, make it clear you are willing to work for what you want

I actually had assignments I liked at work and I wrote a motion from scratch for an attorney and he wanted me to add something in there and I was like the rule doesn't include that tho... so I didn't put it and he added it himself after I turned in my draft and when he sent it to the director for signature the director deleted it LMFAO i was on cloud 9 for dayssss

Energy level is high, physical labor releases it more effectively

Dance parties were my go to! I thought I might tackle my laundry but nope

Mars is an ego-oriented planet and you'll be strongly motivated toward tasks that bring you credit, might be better to work alone

yes! all the assignments I was doing at work were not group assignments and the other attorneys were like "this is so helpful!" My head was getting so big lmao

Greater effectiveness when resuming unfinished projects

One of my assignments was research and I realized I actually did it Aug 2023 and they were asking me the same question lol but then we expanded it and found something we didn't last year!

If you have been trying to do something but have lacked the right opportunity this transit should get it moving, greater self confidence, pushing your own interests is more successful

I had a meeting with my mentor on 4/11 and I told her to put me in contact with someone she knows who works in immigration so I could volunteer bc I'm trying to get experience! But then it was weird bc the person was like okay let's meet at your next mentor meeting.....June 14 like girl why are we waiting so long?? lmao maybe for the best who knows!

[lovelyredrose]

I will dump this here so I can never see it again I don't care if anyone use this or not I just want this piece to be posted since it kinda turn out good but anyway I posted this before in Ao3 but I decided to delete it since It hurt someone

I never intend to hurt a person by making these I swear this just cross my mind while I was work distracting my self so I couldn't feel how my head hurts so bad. But it is slightly based on a doujin of diff OTP that I read years ago that I suddenly remember

I just want you to know my side . Since this makes me feel so guilty that this piece kinda hurt you in someway. I wanna apologize to you, I can't dm you since I am a shy person but I hope this reach you. I just wanted say sorry, I'm sorry really really sorry if you ever come across this post I hope you accept my sincere apology. I'm really sorry. I love your work so much and I never intend this piece to make you stop working on that I'm sorry again🙇‍♀️🙇‍♀️

For now I will support you from afar since I think I don't have the right to react on your posts but I will always support you and your works.

Tags: Not Rated, Haikyuu!!, Hinata Shouyou/Miya Atsumu, Hinata Shouyou & Miya Atsumu, Miya Atsumu, Hinata Shouyou, Fluff, long distance, AtsuHina, coming home, Atsumu is a hinata simp haha, M/M, Choose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Summary:

The distance between Atsumu Miya and Shouyou Hinata

Sao Paulo,Brazil ----> Hyogo, Japan

18,731KM ----> 0.00 KM

From oceans apart and finally back into each other's arms

Notes:

Kinda New at writing Atshn

It's My OTP so I'm kinda nervous sharing this to you

But I hope you kinda like it 😊

** Some of the distance is not that accurate 😊

Published at: 2021-03-12

Revised at: 2021-03-12 04:21:42 -0500

March 5,202x

Current Distance: 18 731 km

Sao Paulo, Brazil --->  Hyogo, Japan

Current Time : 11:00 pm ---> 11:00 am

I Woke up to the sound of my phone ringing

I Answer it

Then I heard the voice of my sunshine

"Tsumu did I wake ya up ?"

I Stiffle a Yawn and Rub my eyes

"Kinda but ya know I don't mind If it's you,Shoyou-kun"

I imagined Shoyou smiling from the otherside of the phone

"You're being flirty in the middle of the night Tsumu, but I called cause I have a great news for you"

Shoyou couldn't hide the excitement in his voice

"What is your news Sho-kun"

Then I heard him laughed

Oh I miss him so much I thought

"Can you open your camera so I can see your reaction on what I'm about to say"

I open the lights and sit myself up

Then I open my camera

Then I saw is a tanned man with orange hair

Smiling at me

His hazel eyes have the same longing look as mine

Wind brushes his hair

He must me sitting on his apartment balcony

"Hi Tsumu" and then he smiled at me

"Hello Shoyou"

We stare at each other for a long time

And then we both laughed

The sound of our laughter filled the room

"So Sho-kun what is the thing that you wanted to say to me " I asked him

" Umm about that Tsumu I kinda got a month long break  and I was planning to return to Japan"

He smiled it's so bright like a sun

I was speechless

Is this real I thought

I just always dream Shoyou saying those words 

Finally Shoyo is coming back to japan

He is finally coming home to me after a year of him being in Brazil

This dull apartment will be filled with his light again

The sun will finally rise again after a long night

"Tsumu are you all right?"

He was waving his hand in front of the camera

Then I smiled a smile that reach the corner of my eyes

"Sho I'm so happy I don't know what to say I'm so surprise, wanna give you a hug so tight right now"

If only I could do it I thought

"Hehe Tsumu do it when I came home, Will you not ask when I'll go back"

I was confused at first but I asked anyway

"When are you coming home Sho-kun"

Sho-kun gigled and he sudden rotate his camera to show me his Luggage and bags

Luggage

Bags

NO WAY

"Eh You're coming home today ?" I shouted

"Surprise Tsumu, Actually its Tomorrow and My flight is at 3am."

I couldn't process evrything I'm still in the state of shock

"So I'll arrive on March 7 at 2pm , Tsumu you better pick me up at the airport"

I regain my composure

"Of course, wouldn't miss it for the world"

We both smiled and can hide our excitement to see each other

March 6,202x

Current Distance: 13 101 km

Sao Paulo, Brazil (In Flight)  --->  Hyogo, Japan

Current Time :  9 :00 am ---> 9:00 pm

I Can't sleep

Sho is already boarded his airplane

So I decided to watch some T.V

To distract mylself but it doesn't seem to work

I reread again the message he send me

 

Fr: Sho-kun🔆

To: Tsumu 🦊

Time: 2:30 am 3/6/202x

Tsumu I'm boarding the plane now I can't wait to see you Love you 😘

--------

Fr: Tsumu 🦊

To : Sho-kun 🔆

Time : 2:35 pm 3/6/202x

Have a safe flight Sho, I'll be waiting for you

I love you 😘

Why does the time seems to be slower when you are waiting ll

I turn off the T.V and try my best to fall asleep

Thinking few more hours you'll be in my arms

March 7, 202x

Current Distance: 7 121 km

Sao Paulo, Brazil (In flight) --->  Hyogo, Japan

Current Time : 7:00 pm ---> 7:00 am

My alarm kept ringing

I turn it off

Today is finally the day

Shoyou will arrive in japan

I have roughly 7 hrs before he arrived

I went started my day

Morning Run

Eating Breakfast

When I check again the time It's only 9:00 am

5 more hours I keep chanting

I couldn't sit still

Then an Idea came to my mind

I look for a Cardboard and I try to write something in it

When I'm done with it

It was  already 11 am and it'a time for me to go to the airport

March 7, 202x

Current Distance: 2,310 km

Hyogo, Japan ( Airport )

Current Time : 1:00 pm

I can't keep still

I keep walking back and forth at the arrival area

1 more hour and His plane will land

I was holding a white Card Board with words written on it is

" ���り���日�翔陽"

(Welcome Back Hinata Shoyou)

He'll be here in a few minutes I keep chanting in my head as I walk back and fourth

March 7, 202x

Current Distance: 237 km

Hyogo, Japan ( Airport )

Current Time : 2:00 pm

He's already here

His plane just landed

I was walking near the arrival area to look for Sho

For a Tanned man with orange hair

A man with a brightest smike

The love of my life

Thirty Minutes passed and I saw the glimpse of his Orange Hair

My heart skipped a beat

I kept grinning like crazy

I held the cardboard up high for him to see

When he looks my way

He gave me a beaming smile

He run towards me

And he jump at me

And I catched him and the board fell to the ground

We look at each other niether one of us wants to looking away

That expresses all the longing and love we feel for each other

His hands starts playing my platinum blonde hair

We stay in each other's embrace

His arms atvthe back of neck and his legs crossed on my waist

My hands on his back

He suddenly close the distance of our face until our lips meet in a passionate kiss

We pull away from each other breathless

"I miss you so much tsumu" he said as our nose touch

"Me too Sho I miss ya so much"

March 7, 202x

Current Distance: 0.00 km

Hyogo, Japan ( Airport ) -- Hinata Shoyo in Atsumu Miya's arms

Current Time : 3:30 pm

We were walking hands intertwined

As we head out the airport

I tightened the grip on his hand

"You know Shoyou sometimes I don't mind that we're oceans apart you know why?"

I look at him

There is a confuse look on his face

"So you really don't miss me that much Tsumu"

And he pouted at me

"Of course I miss you Shou , It's just that I feel even though were miles apart You'll always come home to me"

I'm kinda embarassed that I said thag so I looked away

"Cause I'll always come home to you Tsumu eventhough it may take months and years I'll always always come home to you"

I look back at him and saw the man that I fell in love since I was in highschool

We smiled at each other understanding all the unsaid words between us

[notthecanadianaverage]

All 65 ho! 😤

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?

I mean I guess kind of sometimes? As someone with ADHD, object permanence is a big thing so if I don't see you, you aren't real xD

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?

Um, it varies, actually. Generally speaking, I'm not afraid. But sometimes I have lots of nightmares and the darkness is awful and I will deadass sleep with the light on. Also while I'm not afraid, if I hear sounds, I am terrified xD

3. The person you would never want to meet?

Jason Mamoa. He seems like a fine person but something about his appearance triggers my fight or flight.

4. What is your favorite word?

Hippopomonstrosesquipedaliophobia

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?

I think maybe either a birch or a weeping willow?

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?

That's not yellow

7. What shirt are you wearing?

I'm wearing a green Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time shirt that my sister got for me a few years ago at Fan Expo.

8. What do you label yourself as?

Panromantic asexual. Gender identity wise, demigirl. I recently learned what omnisexual is and I'm curious, but I don't want to come out again so panromantic it is xD

9. Bright room or dark room?

Bright! Lots of sunlight for plants and reading!

10. What were you doing at midnight last night?

I was being trained at work

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far?

I think 18, just because mentally I'm still there.

12. Who told you they loved you last?

My boyfriend :3 I miss him.

13. Your worst enemy?

Dickface. He called me his step daughter once and I almost fucking lost it in that Tim Hortons. I had to fight so hard not to say anything. I was also fighting some pretty rough food poisoning that week so I was not in the mood to argue xD

14. What is your current desktop picture?

On my computer? I think it's a rat xD it's either me with Cortana on my shoulder or Willow peeking through some bars, I can't remember.

15. Do you like someone?

I like my boyfriend. A lot. I mean I hope I do since we have been dating for 6 years xD but I also have a celebrity squish. Patrick Dempsey. Motherfucker. Yes. That smile. Those EYES.

16. The last song you listened to?

https://youtu.be/0Eh4b0Ge-sM

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?

That power hungry cheeto. But only if I wouldn't get caught.

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?

Dickface. He is a child abuser and just a shitty person all around. I called him a stupid idiot on my birthday and lost my fucking mind because I didn't actually mean to and he looked PISSED.

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?

I don't know who, but I would make them cuddle because I am touched starved and need a fucking hug xD

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)

I'm doing this all in my phones notes so I can't add a picture, but I love my tattoos and piercings! I have both nostrils pierced, my septum and snakebites. Tattoo wise, I have the Triforce of Courage on my left hand, a small blue hard on my right thumb, a beautiful memorial rat tattoo on my left leg, Midna's Fused Shadow on my left arm and Expecto Patronum on my right wrist. I. Need. More.

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?

Not gonna lie, I'd probably jerk off xD

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?

If I shared it, it wouldn't be a secret.

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?

I... don't know

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.

I would stick with my normal Subway order: lettuce, tomato, red onions, LOTS OF PICKLES, cheese, black forest ham, mayo and salt and pepper.

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?

Not gonna lie, I would probably get some Subway and maybe some candle making supplies.

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?

California. I miss my boyfriend. Let's go.

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be?

Joke's on you, I don't really drink alcohol! I would instead request all the apple juice :')

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?

Pet rats for everyone!!!!

29. What is your favorite expletive?

I enjoy cunt :3

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?

My little stuffed lion. I would also grab my teddy bear seeing as they are always together.

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? (Tw rape for this question)

I mean... all of these experiences have made me who I am. But if i can erase one experience without changing who I am, it would be nice to not have been raped.

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world!

I would say Indonesia because volcanoes! But I am also very gay and I don't believe that is a gay friendly country... so... maybe Japan? All of this assuming that the boyfriend is with me. If not, then California.

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?

My grandpa. I really miss him... I want him to see how far I've come and I want to spend more time with him.

34. What was your last dream about?

I have been having a weird amount of sex dreams lately...

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]?

Rat mom? I like to think so! Shameless plug, but I have a blog here called @ratpotatoez where you can see my beautiful chonks. I'm also on Facebook and YouTube.

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?

I mean yes? But not for like an overnight stay.

37. Have you ever built a snowman?

Yes

38. What is the color of your socks?

Fuck socks

39. What type of music do you like?

Depends on my mood. I love heavier, alternative rock but my heart will forever belong to Simple Plan.

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?

I think they're both really lovely!

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?

Vanilla

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer)

I don't like football. The only sport I watch is hockey.

43. Do you have any scars?

I am covered in self harm scars (I'm working on covering them up with tattoos). I don't really have any scars with cool stories. I had one that went down my arm but somehow it healed??? Someone in gym class accidentally took a chunk out of my arm with their finger nail and I had a hole in my arm for the longest time!!! I also have a scar on my knee from when I was really young, maybe 3 or 4. I was balancing on some bricks in someone's garden and I lost my balance, fell, and hit my knee on the brick. I remember there being blood running all down my leg as I screamed and cried. So that was fun.

44. What do you want to be when you graduate?

I don't know. I do know, though, that I want to go to culinary school. I also want to go to school for creative writing.

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

My weight. I gained 100+lbs when I went off my anti-depressants and I swelled up like a balloon. I've felt like shit about myself ever since.

46. Are you reliable?

I sure as shit hope so!

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?

Was it worth it...?

48. Do you hold grudges?

I try not to, but I think I do ._.

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?

PIGEON RAT

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?

"I just really want to punch this horse in the face, okay?"

51. Are you a good liar?

I think so, yes. Trauma does that to you.

52. How long could you go without talking?

When I get super super drained, I go mute. I can stop talking for days at a time.

53. What has been you worst haircut/style?

I once left the hair dressers with essentially what was a fucking bowl cut. Yea, I wasn't thrilled. I refused to remove my hat.

54. Have you ever baked your own cake?

Yes. At 3AM. Because fuck a healthy sleep schedule.

55. Can you do any accents other than your own?

I can do an okay British accent and an okay Indian accent.

56. What do you like on your toast?

Butter. Just butter.

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?

Um... I don't remember the last time I drew. Actually, that's a lie. I tried drawing a "small town doctor" while playing Drawful. I drew a very tiny doctor with a city skyline behind him.

58. What would be you dream car?

Literally anything with the popup headlights.

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain.

I talk to myself in the shower. Granted, I do that everywhere xD it's the only way I can work through my thoughts. I also cry in the shower a lot.

60. Do you believe in aliens?

Yes. We can't be the only ones here.

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?

I don't really have a favourite. But I do like D. Mostly because it's the first letter of my boyfriends name, but also it reminds me of a woman I helped while working in tech support. She needed help figuring out her gif keyboard so I helped and she was so excited when I told her how to search for gifs. She then started giggling like a little girl saying she wondered what might happen if she searched for DICK. She made my day xD I think about her a lot. I hope she's doing well.

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?

Don't do this to me...

Dragons are obviously amazing but haVE YOU EVER SEEN A DINOSAUR?!?!? LIKE THOSE THINGS ARE REAL. THEY WERE ALIVE. THEY FUCKING RULED THE EARTH. HAVE YOU SEEN A STEGOSAURUS?!?!?!?!?

64. What do you think about babies?

I like babies a lot. Like so much. I have super colourful hair, too, so they seem fascinated with me :') but their little chubby cheeks omg

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of.

Fun fact: I actually really like the smell of wet dog. It's kind of a really comforting smell.

[xopinkmilk18xo]

Get to know me!

1. Name

Courtney Jane Smith

2. Nationality

Australian

3. Age

18

4. Birthday

11th December 2001

5. Zodiac sign (or your primal zodiac sign)

Sagittarius / Ophiuchus

6. Gender

Female

7. Sexuality

Bisexual💙💖💜

8. Your looks (add a picture or describe yourself)

Ew I know

9. What do you/did you study?

I will be going on to study Children’s Nursing at University but in school I studied Sociology, Photography and Childcare

10. What’s your current job like?/What job would you like to have?

I currently hold a part time job at my local corner shop, but will hopefully end up with a job as a children’s nurse or something to do with childcare:)

-

11. Your birth order

Aaron, Charlotte, Abbey, Me:), Lacey

(I think that is what this means)

12. How many siblings do you have?

4

13. Do you have good relations with your family?

Yes but not with my first oldest sister

14. How many friends do you have?

Like 2 lol

15. Your relationship status

Taken🥰

16. What do you look for in a SO?

Good personality, being good looking helps (dont want to date a troll u know) and well I guess that’s it really

17. Do you have a crush?

Yes on my boyfriend

18. When did you have your first kiss?

When I was 14

19. Do you prefer serious and meaningful relationships or casual dating/one night stands?

Serious and meaningful

20. What are your deal breakers?

I’m not really sure:/

-

21. How was your day?

It was okay, could’ve been better but overall it was meh

22. Favourite food & drink

I love pasta like I could marry pasta haha. And my favourite drink is probably either fresh orange juice or something fizzy

23. What position do you sleep in?

On my side, hugging my pillow with my leg out as if it’s straddling someone (I’m lonely, my boyfriend needs to stay over at some point)

24. What was your last dream about?

I honestly wish I could remember but they are so fucking crazy right now

25. Your fears

Spiders, snakes, heights, large crowds, death (morbid I know) and being lonely:(

26. Your dreams

To travel the world with my baby���� as well as buy my own house, get my dream career, get married and have babies (basic I know but this is what I want in life and will feel so lucky and blessed if this happens)

27. Your goals

Same as the above I guess? To travel the world with the loml, become a child nurse, get my dream house then get married, have babies and live a happy long life:)

28. Any pets?

Yes! A cat called Binka and a dog called Shiro (Japanese for White as he is a white Japanese Akita)

29. What are your hobbies?

Cooking, baking, cleaning (weird I know), singing, dancing and sleeping haha

30. Any cool places in your area?

Um, I mean I live about 30 minutes from the beach and it has a “hidden cave” (it’s quite easy to spot if you know where it is) that I go to with a few friends some nights and watch the sunset. So that’s pretty cool

31. What was your last awkward situation?

They happen so often I don’t even know which one to write about I’m such an awkward person lol

32. What is your last regret?

I don’t know really

33. Language/s you can speak

I can speak Italian, Spanish, Russian and some French

34. Do you believe in astrological stuff? (Zodiac, tarot, etc.)

To a certain extent, yes

35. Have any quirks?

Um I’m not sure?

36. Your pet peeves

I have so many but my BIGGEST pet peeve is the people who like to one-up a situation so I have a friend like this but she’s like one of my only friends so I don’t want to say anything woops but for example I could say to her “I only got 5 hours sleep” she would then turn around and be like “oh well I went to bed at 11 and woke up at 3am and couldn’t sleep” it’s like okay cool but stop trying to one up me thank u bye

37. Ideal vacation

DisneyWorld or Bora Bora (two complete different places I know but I’ve been to both many times and they’re both amazing)

38. Any scars?

I have a scar on my chin from when I hit it on the stair rail when I was a child and I have a surgery scar from when I had my appendix removed

39. What does your last text message say?

It’s me texting my email to my boyfriend because he needed it for something (kinda personal nothing bad tho)

40. Last 5 things from your search history

Majority of it right now is me googling Birthday presents for a family member as well as flight times because I was curious what the time from LA to Texas was haha

41. What’s your [device] background?

Lock screen is me and my boyfriend and my home screen is a flower picture I took

42. What do you daydream about?

A lot of different things, it all depends on how I’m feeling

43. Describe your dream home

Something small and quaint yet modern and big enough to raise a big family

44. What’s your religion/Your thought about religion

I have nothing against religion and what people believe in. I personally am not religious but I do believe in something. Not God or Jesus but I believe that something like that HAS to exists (sorry if I offended anyone I really did not mean to:/)

45. Your personality type

Really shy and quiet (social anxiety tings😚dont worry I have actually been diagnosed) but ince you get to know me I come out of my shell a bit more

46. The most dangerous thing you’ve done

Went sky diving (it was terrifying)

47. Are you happy with your current life?

Yes but no

48. Some things you’ve tried in your life

I don’t really know how the hell to answer this question I’m sorry🥺

-

49. What does your wardrobe consist of?

A lot of different colours but I wear mainly grey and black clothes hehe

50. Favourite colour to wear?

Black or grey🤪

51. How would you describe your style?

I don’t really know, definitely not trendy I can tell you that but all the styles I want to try I just KNOW will look bad on me

52. Are you happy with your current looks?

Not really no lol😚✌🏼

53. If you could change/add something to your appearance - impossible or not - what would it be?

I honestly would change my entire face, especially my nose, if it was smaller I’d feel slightly better about my appearance (nothing against big noses lol I just don’t like mine)

54. Any tattoos or piercings?

I had my ears and nose pierced but took them out and just forgot to put them back in and now the holes have sorta closed up.

I then also have a small turtle on my ankle - for a close friend (still alive lol but it’s just a nice thing to have) and I have plans to get a few more just need to decided when I want them because I keep chickening out

55. Do you get complimented often?

Yes sorta but only by my boyfriend

56. Favourite aesthetic?

I’m not sure?

57. A popular trend that you dislike

I’m not really aware of any popular trends as of right now tbh

-

58. Songs you’re currently obsessed with?

Adore You by Harry Styles and for some reason Feel so Close by Calvin Harris

59. Song you normally wouldn’t admit you like.

Mr Brightside - I hate the song (dont attack me pls) but it lowkey, high key is a BOP

60. Favourite genre?

Mainly throwback songs so I guess pop songs? Tbh my genre of music is all over the place

61. Favourite artist/band/genre?

I love 5 Seconds of Summer and One Direction but that’s it really

62. Hated popular songs/artists?

I HATE Dance Monkey and High Hopes (they get on my nerves so much idk why)

63. Put your music on shuffle and list first 5

September - Earth Wind & Fire

Truth Hurts - Lizzo

Jealous - Labrinth

Bad Romance - Halestorm (such a bop)

Break Free - Ariana Grande

64. Can you sing or play any instruments?

I can sing, I also play piano and guitar (strings have broken though and so haven’t played in a while)

65. Do you like karaoke?

I LOVE karaoke

66. Own any albums?

Yes, mainly 5SOS and One Direction haha

67. Do you listen to radio? What stations?

Sometimes, no particular station as I only listen to it to fill in the silence in certain situations

-

68. Favourite movie/series?

I love the Frozen films but also the Harry Potter films sooooo much

69. Favourite genre of movies/books/etc

I don’t really have a favourite tbh

70. Your fictional crush/es

I know it’s typical but I have the biggest crush on Harry Potter lol

71. Which fictional character is you?

I don’t know?

72. Are you a shipper? List your otps, if so

No not really

73. Favourite greek god?

I don’t have a favourite Greek god but I like Athena purely because I like the name haha

74. A legend from where you live that you like

I don’t really know of any legends however there is a myth that a Panther is on the loose in the Blue Mountains

75. Do you like art? What’s your favourite work or artist?

I like to look at art and admire it however I do not have a favourite artist or anything like that

76. Can you share your other social media?

I sure can:)

Twitter       Instagram      Wattpad

Snapchat - cjmushmush (you don’t have to add it and also don’t question the name I was 11)

77. Favourite youtubers?

Shane Dawson, Ryland Adams, Morgan Adams, Jeffree Star and The Dolan Twins

78. Favourite platform?

I am obsessed with Tik Tok so I’d say that’s probs my fave

79. How much time do you spend on the internet?

Far too much I can tell you that

80. What video games have you played? Which one’s your favourite?

I used to play minecraft and now all I do is play Sims 3 and 4 which are my absolute faves

81. Your favourite books (manga also counts)

I don’t really have any

82. Do you play board/card games?

Yes but not very often

83. Have you ever been to a night marathon in cinema?

No I didn’t even know that was a thing

84. Favourite holiday

I LOVE CHRISTMAS SO MUCH❤️💚❤️💚

85. Are you into dramas?

Yes

-

86. Would you use death note, if you had one?

I don’t know what a death note is?

87. What changes would you make in the world, no matter how impossible, if you had the power to?

I wouldn’t choose world peace because then everything would be the same and it would be boring but if I had the power I would make sure everyone had a stable home with at least hot clean water and a nice warm bed, as well as curing world hunger because I’m nice like that

88. Could you survive a zombie apocalypse?

Probably not

89. If you had to be turned into a paranormal being, what would it be?

A ghost

90. What would you want to happen to you after your death?

Become a ghost haha

91. If you had to change your name, what would be your pick?

Anything but Courtney - my name was almost Octavia so that would also be out of the question

92. Who would you switch your life with for a week?

So many people I’d love to do this with so I’m not sure

93. Pick an emoji to be your tattoo

🦥 (only because I love sloths)

94. Write 3 things about yourself - only one of them must be true

(these are the most random things I’m sorry)

I was born in the UK (not true, born in Sydney)

I am not single (True, I am in a relationship:))

I love avocado (I actually DESPISE IT)

-

95. Cold or hot?

Cold because that can = snuggles duh

96. Be a hero or be a villain?

Be a villain because I hate the attention (hero would probs get a lot of attention) and everyone hates me anyway lol

97. Sing everything you want to say or rhyme?

Probably sing everything considering I do that a lot anyway

98. Shapeshifting or controlling time?

Control time because I’d go back to the past a change some things then go back to today so I can still be with my boyfriend❤️

99. Be immortal or be immune to everything aside from natural death?

Be immortal that would be pretty fun

100. ….. or …..?

What does this one even mean?

[sasorikigai]

OTP Ask Meme || @paindealt​ || accepting 

1. Who wakes up first?

Hanzo, simply because he doesn’t wake up first, but he has high propensity to completely forgo sleep (he likes to take catnaps during the days) and watch Kuai Liang sleep or being occupied in productivity - reading, painting, meditating, doing chores, etc. 

2. Who wants to stay in bed just a little longer?

Neither, for they are remarkably disciplined and dedicated to their clans and they are punctual individuals. Unless Hanzo beseeches Kuai - for such circumstance occurs seldomly that he’s actually able to get a good night’s sleep with such abundance of nightmares and night terrors, and even panic attacks, then they will most likely stay in bed for a bit longer. 

3. Who takes longer getting ready?

Hanzo, by the slightest margin, because of his hair - even when Hanzo’s accustomed to comb his hair out and properly tie it in a bun atop his head, the process could get rather tedious, as he has luscious straight hair.  

4. When they can’t sleep, what do they do?

Remain entangled and naked, facing all the realities and verities of their existence and talking about their bliss of growth, the splendor of action, the common dreams and aspirations of their respective clans. They are not overly promiscuous and sexual to begin with, as they both have low to normal sex drives, but they do enjoy revelling in their bodies - all the imperfections, scars, their sculpted forms, every hill and valley of their impressions and such. 

5. Who falls asleep while watching a movie?

Most likely Hanzo, unless he’s entirely engrossed by the storyline and the characters in the movie, he will simply regard it as a white noise that will lull him to sleep. 

6. Who falls asleep last, watching the other with a small affectionate smile?

More frequently Hanzo, watching Kuai Liang sleep chases away all the self-isolation, unexplainable loneliness and warms his heart up. The solitude as the world reduce to only two of them becomes an escape from the pandemonium in a world that never could

7. Who comes up with the cheesy pick-up lines?

Kuai Liang, ever the dorky pun-master. That will either get him Hanzo’s glaring stare or his snorting laugh (provided that it’s actually funny). 

8. Who gets extremely competitive playing Mario Kart?

Hanzo, not only is he extremely competitive, but when in mood, he could be such a sore loser. He’s the one that crashes his car so many times due to road rage. He literally lits himself up in smoldering blaze next to Kuai Liang. Modern Hanzo even worse, because he already engages in motorcycle racing as one of his hobbies and this is only pouring gasoline onto his temper. 

9. Who accidentally pushes a door instead of pulling?

Hanzo, this is the reason Shirai Ryu Compounds have sliding doors. JK. He’s sensible and attentive enough to pay attention to such a thing, but there are moments when his hazy and sleep-addled attention slips and Kuai has to direct and guide him properly. The same goes for the modern Hanzo, as he could be clumsy and rather out of his normal self especially in the early mornings. 

10. Who sets the other’s ringtone to something loud and obnoxious behind their back?

In modern verse, definitely Kuai. Most likely for Hanzo’s alarm in the morning or during the night when he’s assigned a graveyard shift, but Hanzo gets extremely irate and agitated in the morning. 

11. Who rearranges the bookshelf/DVD shelf in alphabetical order?

Both in their canon verses are rather meticulous and organized. Kuai most likely more than Hanzo, because I headcanon him that he keeps Lin Kuei Archives with the utmost care - they are all scribed by hand as he absolutely detests and distrusts technology - and almost appear anal to those who are deemed messy and unorganized. Neither in their modern verses, as they both prefer what I call a ‘chaotic mess.’ Their personal space isn’t a pigsty per say, but there would be neat clutters everywhere, scattered throughout their rooms. 

12. Who does the hands-over-the-eyes “Guess Who” thing?

Kuai. Especially when Hanzo’s immensely occupied with his work in front of the laptop and with abundance of paperworks; either to make his ‘father’ take a damned break, or just simply wanting attention. I can definitely imagine them being outside their house - going to the library, book cafes, etc. to just break the mundane boredom of being stuck in the house when Hanzo works from home - and Kuai attempting to pull pranks and/or just being a mischievous son. 

13. Who points out a dog when they see one?

HANZO HASASHI, your ever-lonesome, touch-starved and animal-loving father. Even when he didn’t have a pet in his youth, there were so many stray dogs and cats around Shirai Ryu Compounds and he especially has fondness for the cats, because they are just like him. 

14. Who’s prone to road rage?

In the modern verse, it’s Hanzo. He has been caught by fellow officers when he was speeding (of course, they all let him get off with a warning), and not even that will slow him down; especially when he’s on his motorcycle. 

15. Who’s prone to wearing socks indoor (or to sleep)?

Neither in their canon verses, but Kuai in their modern verse. 

16. Who reminds the other to put on sunscreen before going to the beach (or pool)?

Hanzo reminds Kuai, 1000000% times, because Kuai and the Sun don’t get along. Hanzo rarely gets sunburned, as he tans remarkably. Kuai on the other hand... needs to cover himself up with all that he could in order to prevent him from literally burning in red. 

17. Who carries all the important documents while traveling?

Neither; whether in canon or other verses, they would never risk losing anything profound and substantial that could be used against them. Especially modern Hanzo, intimately knowing the risks involving identity thefts, frauds, blackmailing, etc that could get them in trouble, urges Kuai Liang almost every day to keep them either in the safe or leave them with him. 

18. Who gets the window seat?

Neither of them are picky when window/aisle seats are considered, but since window seats are more comfortable in long flights and he likes to move around a lot especially in long-hour flights, Hanzo would most likely let Kuai have it. 

19. Who puts their cold hands/feet on the other?

Kuai Liang. Because he’s the one with the cold hands and feet. 

20. What do they argue about the most?

I don’t think they will argue that much, if not, at all, unless it’s Scorpion and Revenant Sub-Zero. Scorpion can be unnervingly merciless, acerbic and ruthless with his words, even towards the Revenant, whom he accepts as his most treasured company and ally, but nevertheless, his words will hurt Kuai Liang, because they are meant to hurt. Except that, I really don’t see them arguing much in their canonical interactions, and maybe in modern verse, it happens more frequently because Hanzo could come across as exceedingly protective and worried. 

21. Who’s clumsier?

They have their moments, but Hanzo’s more of the sleep-deprived one with barrage of issues that would occasionally prevent him from carrying out his routine without having thoughts of suicide and other harmful actions, he may come across more lethargic and uncoordinated. Kuai Liang will immediately pick it up, even though he may not say anything much. 

22. Who texts more often?

Hanzo in their modern verse. He is not a nagging father per say, but he does make the most attempts to try to connect with Kuai Liang, despite his hard-set habits and their generational gap. 

23. Who is better with kids?

Hanzo, simply he has been a father before all the shitshow of his life took its place and he’s still yearning that long-lost fatherhood to become a tangible, fluid reality. Even with Takeda Takahashi present in his life, there’s that hollow void in his heart that couldn’t be filled. 

24. Who’s the better cook?

Hanzo by far; regardless of their verses, he’s used to being in the caretaker’s position and enjoys the process of not only exploring, but developing his culinary skills. Both canonical and modern Hanzo will most likely use Kuai as his unintentional guinea pig, and knowing Kuai doesn’t like heavily pungent and spicy foods, he will try his best to make accommodations to satisfy both of their dissimilar palate. 

25. Who mistakes salt for sugar?

KUAI LIANG. This man cannot cook for the life of him. Does he burn water on the stove? 

26. Who puts the fork in the microwave?

Neither, but a sleepy Hanzo at 3am would. 

27. Who cooks at 2 in the morning?

Modern Hanzo Hasashi. This man will push his body even beyond his limitation just to get his work done. Him being such an excessive workaholic helps him to disengage all the unsavory thoughts. 

28. Who lets the microwave play the loud beeping sound at 1 a.m.?

Depends on who has the gnawing appetite in the wee hours of the morning, because in their modern verse, I can definitely see that they both are perpetual night owls and they will skip eating lunch and/or dinner either one is not present to cook or buy groceries (Hanzo seldomly does and will almost always opt out on delivery or takeouts) and they are too enraptured in their work. They have such one-tunnel vision when they are in their concentration, so most often, it would be both of them sharing leftovers. 

29. Who licks the spoon when they’re baking brownies?

Neither. Hanzo doesn’t have much of a sweet tooth and Kuai Liang can’t cook nor bake shit. Maybe Kuai attempts one of those microwavable brownies with chocolate powder. The only thing he has to do is to pour milk in it and microwave it for a couple of minutes, but he may even struggle with that..... It’s cooking. 

30. Who likes doing the dishes

Canon Hanzo finds chores somehow therapeutic. Doing them gets his mind off of things and he’s more or less used to the repetition. It keeps his mind grounded and anchored to reality. 

31. Who has bigger cravings? What are they?

Again, entirely depends on their moods. Kuai Liang will have an occasional sweet craving that Hanzo will never fathom to understand, but he tries to accommodate his lover / his adopted son as best as he could - bringing sweets from work, stopping by the bakery or cafe to just satiate Kuai’s addiction, etc. - Hanzo cannot be helped when he’s depressed with alcohol - his preference being sake in canon and other strong liquors like vodka and whiskey, although canon Hanzo seldomly gets drunk for the sake of intoxicating himself, because he knows the consequences, and alcohol being a depressant. Modern Hanzo doesn’t give one single fuck as long as it doesn’t hinder his work ethics. 

32. Who remembers what the other one always orders at a restaurant?

Hanzo, regardless of verses, will come up with a mental list of what Kuai likes and doesn’t like. While he could be poetic and eloquent with words, he attempts to be observant and perceptive with such things. After all, he is a ninja who HAS to acquaint and familiarize with not only his surroundings, but finding out about individual(s) as well. He will also attempt to emulate the dish personally, adding in some personal touches. 

33. How do they eat ice cream? What’s their favorite flavors?

Hanzo doesn’t much care for ice cream either, but the only flavor he likes is matcha. He doesn’t do the lick and swirl thing most people do with ice cream; he will just bite off from the top, as if he was eating a granola bar. Prefers it without any toppings, and will eat it either in a cup or in a waffle cones. Kuai likes the sweet flavors, most likely fruit-based, and put all the sprinkles, marshmallows and fruit syrups all over his ice cream. 

34. Do they go on dates? What are they like?

In their canonical setting, their ‘dates’ are limited to the confines of their clans, as it always has been their priority. They would most likely spar, exercise and meditate together, spend some intimate moments in their private quarters - copulations, cuddling, reading and painting and sculpting, pursuing their hobbies whenever they can - eating supper and drinking tea - Hanzo doing the cooking, Kuai preparing the tea - and in their rarest outings, perhaps going out to the nearest town for a dinner and strolling around the towns, introducing each other’s culture to them. 

35. What do they smell when they smell amortentia?

Hanzo: saturated pine and evergreen of the Lin Kuei forest, cool, crisp and minty scent of Kuai Liang’s breath and the severe, yet welcoming damp earth and petrichor. 

Kuai: charred dust, rust and copper, burning oak and maple, cherry blossoms, incense, sandalwood and musk, the salty trail of Hanzo’s sweat, iron and steel of Hanzo’s katana. 

36. Which one is the secret snuggler?

Kuai Liang. Hanzo being a snuggler is not a secret, as he prefers to be the big spoon and the initiator about 95% of the times. Kuai’s gestures and initiations are careful, gentle and meek, but nevertheless, immensely appreciated. 

37. Which one offers their jacket to the other when they complain they feel cold?

Neither. Not that both will ever complain about the cold, but in the modern verse, Hanzo will never be reluctant to give up his jacket if Kuai shivers in the cold. 

38. Who reaches for the other one’s hand while driving?

Hanzo, regardless of situations, corporeal gestures are immensely important and pivotal in his relationship and the kind of relationship - platonic or romantic/sexual. Modern Kuai will reach for Hanzo’s arm and hand when he’s behind, embracing Hanzo from the back. 

39. Who leaves little notes in the other one’s lunch? (Bonus: What does it say?)

Not that Hanzo will pack lunch for Kuai every single day, but when he does cook for Kuai, he will leave something short and sweet in Kuai’s language (Chinese, obviously Chinese and Japanese share many characters, despite phonetic difference). It would say something like “藕断丝连,” which means “Although the lotus root may be cut, its fibered threads are still connected.” Signifying that their friendship survived adversity and obviously connoting that it has become something more in their shared time spent together. 

40. Who is the most affectionate?

It’s hard to compare, because they both are very reciprocative of each other’s affections to their fullest. At the first glance, Hanzo may come across as more affectionate, because he’s more used to initiating and giving gestures and words of love and appreciation. He’s also used to being in such relationship more than Kuai, who has never been a romantic/sexual relationship that deals a lot with gestures that are not meant to bring harm and suffering. 

41. Who is the big spoon/little spoon?

 Most often, it’s Hanzo being the big spoon, as his arms would be wound around Kuai’s midsection and around his neck (Hanzo’s arm being Kuai’s pillow), or Hanzo on his back with Kuai’s head on Hanzo’s upper arm. They don’t mind switching things around, either during sleep or when Hanzo starts to have an onslaught of nightmares and night terrors. 

42. What is their favorite feature of their partner?

Hanzo: Kuai’s eyes. Even when Kuai’s more of the phlegmatic, collected and calm one, he knows that such embedded emotions spill forth from those oceanic sapphire eyes. He likes to look at them, stare at them, drown in them and just appreciate the depth they can offer. 

Kuai: Hanzo’s arms; they are well-sculpted and hard like tempered steel. Hanzo obviously relies heavily on his upper body strength in kombat, and his build shows - while Kuai has more mass, Hanzo’s muscles are more finely chiseled. He also appreciates Hanzo’s lips; they are full and swollen, and absolutely kissable. 

43. What is the first thing that changes when they realize they have feelings for the other?

They have really deep, baritone, gravelly (Hanzo’s) and hard voices that could come across as ruthless and harsh; but when they talk about each other, the timbre of their voices will soften, and there would be less polished intimidation and aggression embedded on their eyes. 

44. What are their nicknames for each other?

Hanzo: beloved, dearest, ice bear. 

Kuai: love, beloved, hearth 

45. Who worries the most? Over what?

Even though they are two of the most capable Protectors of Earthrealm, there is an underlying concern of their safety and sustenance. They both have faced death and risen again, but they both know the chronology they have shared between them as Shirai Ryu and Lin Kuei rivalry reached its apex hadn’t been merciful and kind. Through their shared enemies now, they would do their best to protect each other from dying in battle. 

Modern Hanzo would worry that Kuai will descend towards the life of criminality and sins, because of his traumatic abuse and violence he had to endure before being adopted to Hanzo. There is a fundamental yearning to see Kuai follow the footsteps of his legacy, as Hanzo too, had been a lawbreaker and misfit and had redeemed himself to become a better person.  

46. Who initiates kisses?

Hanzo 100% at the beginning, but Kuai attempts his best to initiate and reciprocate Hanzo’s more natural engagement. 

47. Who says I love you first? How did it happen?

Happened to randomly slip from Hanzo’s mouth during their walks. While he feared rejection and unreciprocated feelings, Hanzo would have taken the risk at least to admit the truth of his feelings, which had been both carnal, visceral, emotionally coalesced and linked. Essentially he was feeling that Kuai was his soulmate; for he possessed so many qualities Harumi used to have - a gentle strength, a strong, mature mind that would secure and anchor him, and would have seen him both at low and high, crossing each other’s paths so many times. 

48. Who tells their friends/family about their relationship first?

Neither, not that they have families to tell. All the other acquaintances, friends and allegiances catch up on their relationship through observing and prediction. They are more or less bound to know each other and they are by far from being engaged in gossips 

49. What do they do when they’re away from each other?

Hanzo will either draw or paint him on mulberry paper or in his sketchpad, bound in Japanese style (that he would always keep in his private quarters). He would sketch Kuai’s portrait, or do expressive croquis when circumstance allows him. Kuai often sculpts Hanzo in ice and and ponder upon the day when Hanzo gifted him the headband he wears. 

50. Who gets overwhelmed by small acts of kindness?

Kuai, because he is still adjusting to non-threatening and vicious gestures and acts, and especially when Hanzo takes him into the utmost consideration by indulging his needs and desires. 

[stephhannes]

one year.

“I realize as I write this that I do not want to finish this account.

Nor did I want to finish the year.

The craziness is receding but no clarity is taking its place.

I look for resolution and find none.

I did not want to finish the year because I know that as the days pass, as January becomes February and February becomes summer, certain things will happen. My image of John at the instant of his death will become less immediate, less raw. It will become something that happened in another year. My sense of John himself, John alive, will become more remote, even “mudgy,” softened, transmuted into whatever best serves my life without him. In fact this is already beginning to happen. All year I have been keeping time by last year’s calendar: what were we doing on this day last year, where did we have dinner, is it the day a year ago we flew to Honolulu after Quintana’s wedding, is it the day a year ago we flew back from Paris, is it the day. I realized today for the first time that my memory of this day a year ago is a memory that does not involve John. This day a year ago was December 31, 2003. John did not see this day a year ago. John was dead.”

—Joan Didion, The Year of Magical Thinking

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

this day a year ago was august 4th, 2018. nathan did not see this day a year ago. nathan was dead. 

it doesn’t feel like it’s already been one year without nathan. it feels like just yesterday we were in philly together. 

the more i think about the last day we spent together, the more i feel like i was a make-a-wish child getting a trip to disneyworld. the last day we spent together was what i would consider to be a dream day in terms of what my favorite days with nathan looked like. 

any day that we actually spent time together after he got off work was a dream day. once he started work, we were still trying to get into a routine, so for the first few weeks, we really didn’t see each other that much. he would get home from work at 4, go to the gym, eat dinner, hang out by himself for a little bit and then come to bed- where we’d usually talk for 30 minutes before he fell asleep. for that period of time, those 30 minutes were basically all of the real quality time we’d get together. but finally, we settled into a routine that allowed for more time together. 

the week before nathan died, i was out of town pretty consistently. i was in stewartstown from july 27th to the 31st, and then i went to new york on the 1st & 2nd of august. i got home late on the 2nd, nathan picked me up from the bus stop, and we immediately came home and went to bed. 

on august 3rd, nathan got to work from home for most of the day. i ran errands most of the morning and afternoon. i got home and he got done with work at basically the same time. he went to the gym, and i started cooking dinner. for some reason, this was the day that i was finally getting my life together after having a month-long nervous breakdown. i had gone to the grocery store earlier in the day and got things to cook something other than a “depression meal.” i’d also gone to the library, so i spent a lot of time that evening reading while sitting next to nathan as he was on the computer and eating dinner. 

we took a shower and then got into bed relatively early that night. i finished my book around 9:30 and we sat in bed and talked for a little bit. and then he fell asleep. i was on my laptop next to him for a little bit. the last time i touched him while he was alive was when i leaned over and kissed his shoulder when i noticed he was asleep next to me.

he was kinda half awake half asleep, and around 11 i was finally ready for bed. so i closed my laptop, and walked around the bed and closed his laptop for him, sat it down on the floor, and then went to the bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth. 

and that’s when it happened.

it all happened so quickly. i thought he was just sick. i didn’t realize he was dying. and then he stopped breathing. and i called 911. and he was dead. and they tried to revive him. and he was dead. and i couldn’t get in contact with anyone. and he was dead. and they took him to the hospital, and i followed behind the ambulance. and i got to the hospital and i waited in line at the ER because that’s what you’re supposed to do in the ER. and they told me they had no record of him. and i knew that meant that he was dead. and they told me to wait. and i waited. and tried to call people. i was so scared and so alone. and i sat in that waiting room on the phone with cody and i told her everything that had just happened and i wasn’t crying yet. not yet. 

and finally they took me to a consultation room. and finally a doctor told me that he was dead. 

and they let me see him. and i sat next to him for 30 minutes. the time they put on his death certificate as the time of death was actually a time when i was sitting in that room. i knew he had been dead for a couple of hours at that point. but bureaucracy runs slowly. he was dead at 11:08pm on august 3rd, but according to the certificate it was 1 something on the 4th. at 1 something i was crying in a chair next to his hospital bed, i was crying because they wouldn’t let me touch him. all i wanted to do was hold his hand.  

i finally left the hospital at 2am. 

i got home shortly after.

our apartment had never felt more empty, and just six weeks beforehand we hadn’t moved any furniture in yet. 

i walked in and every single light was on. earlier that night nathan had literally gotten on to me about my habit of leaving lights on. our bedroom was a still-life of what had happened a few hours before. one of our grey towels was on the floor, where they had laid him down to do cpr. the blankets were all on the floor, where they’d been thrown off when nathan collapsed out of bed. the fan was still running, laying on the bed, where i’d put it after nathan knocked it down on top of himself when he fell. 

i cleaned up the vomit. i picked up all of the scattered plastic that littered our rug from everything the paramedics had unwrapped. i grabbed one of nathan’s t-shirts that i knew smelled like him. i crawled into bed. i didn’t sleep.

no one else knew that nathan was dead until august 4th. just like every other big event in our relationship, there was a period of time where it was just ours. when we started dating, we didn’t tell anyone for a couple of days because we wanted to have it to ourselves for a little bit, and when we got engaged we waited a day to tell everyone because we wanted to keep it just for us for a few hours. and even when he died, it was just ours for a couple of hours.

i didn’t sleep for two days after nathan died. 

i haven’t gotten a good night’s sleep since nathan died. 

i still remember the first thing i ate after nathan died. on august 7th i ate one biscoff cookie, the ones they give you on american airlines flights. i was flying back to texas and was so weak that i had to eat something. i remember forcing myself to eat again a few days later. i wasn’t even hungry, but i knew that i had to eat something. 

+++

one of the very first things i did after nathan died was write a eulogy. i never intended on actually verbalizing it, i just had a lot of feelings that i wanted to write down. i sat and wrote it when i came home that morning after the hospital, and a very un-edited version of it ended up being what i read at his funeral. 

i thought that maybe this one year post would be as effortless to write, but it’s been hard trying to decide what i think is the most important thing to say. 

i wish that i could sit here and say that i’m doing great and i’m coping well, but that’s just not the case. i still miss nathan so much every single day. i still wake up every morning weighed down by such an insane amount of guilt that i’m the one that gets to wake up every morning instead of him. 

i think a lot about the time that nathan told me that i’ve “never needed him for anything,” and how i also believed that to an extent for a long time. i’ve been such an independent person for my entire life, and when nathan and i got together, i relinquished a lot of that independence- even if it didn’t really seem like it to either of us. now that he’s gone, i can’t help but notice this gaping hole in my life. i’m really realizing how much i did rely on him, mostly for emotional support. the hardest part about losing nathan is knowing that the one person who knows how to make me feel better is him, and now there’s no one that gets me like he did. 

one time when nathan and i were apart for a few weeks, he said “i just haven’t learned how to get by without you yet,” to me, and that’s exactly how i feel. i just don’t know how to get by without him yet. 

i still haven’t learned how to cook for just one person. every night when i come home from work, i feel this weird emptiness because i don’t have anyone to tell about my day. i get that i’m 24 years old and i should know how to self-soothe at this point but it’s been hard not having anyone to talk me down from my weird breakdowns at 3am. and it’s been hard not having someone to force me to get out of bed on my days off. i still can’t fathom my life without nathan in it, because he’s so intwined in how i exist from day-to-day. 

i still don’t know who i am without nathan. it feels like such a huge part of my identity revolved around him for more than half of my life. i’ve been having a hard time finding a purpose. when i was in high school, everything i did circled around taking care of nathan, being there for him when he was upset or stressed. when we started dating, it was the same thing. all the decisions i made for myself revolved around how i could best support nathan. now that i’m out here actually making decisions for myself and myself only, i don’t know what i want. nathan was the artist and the scientist and the athlete and i was the loyal sidekick. it feels weird to have my own identity now. to be more than the puppy at nathan’s feet. 

+++

i always think of this line from the letter nathan wrote me right before he moved to nyc- “It doesn’t feel fair at all that we could somehow find the one person in the universe that we truly want to be with, only to have to be separated again.” it still feels so unfair that we’re separated again. i still can’t believe that this is my life now. i can’t believe that i have to do this for the rest of my life. 

+++

the question i get the most now is “so what brought you to austin from new york?” and i’ve stopped doing that thing where i try to skirt around the truth. i tell the story the exact same way every time. “after i graduated from UT, i moved to new york because my fiancé was finishing up his master’s at columbia. when he graduated we moved to philly because that was where he got a job. then he died. now i’m here.” but even that story still doesn’t cover the entire last year of my life. 

when people ask what i did for the last year, i usually just say “i was on sabbatical.” i’m thankful that i got the opportunity to spend the last year doing whatever i wanted to do. for the first time in my life, i had a little bit of freedom. for the first time, i was able to travel and see my friends that i hadn’t seen in years, and go back home to nyc, and be there without worrying about if i was going to starve or be able to afford rent. i was able to lay in bed for like 6 months without the pressure of having to get a job. 

there are some days where i feel like i’ve made no progress. but i have to remember that i spent the first few months after nathan died literally thinking i was going to die from being so sad. 

i still cry a lot, but at least i feel like a human again. i’ll never forget how awful i felt after nathan died. 

for awhile, i thought i was going to get out of this without any sort of lasting ptsd or trauma, but boy was i wrong! lately i’ve found myself with more anxiety than i’ve ever had before. i’ve been having these consistent nightmares of everyone that i care about dying, and even in my waking life i’ve started having a lot of anxiety over the concept that “oh, everyone i know is going to die and knowing my luck it’s all going to happen very soon.” i’ve gotten more obsessive over small things- i’ve been having a hard time coming to terms with my lack of control. until nathan died, i felt relatively in control of everything in my life, but i lost so much control when nathan died and now i’ve just realized that i have no grasp on anything and it’s been a lot to cope with. 

anyways hopefully i’ll get a job with health insurance soon so i can go to therapy but until then i guess i’ll just be crazy, whatever. 

+++

i spend a lot of time thinking about what this year would have looked like if nathan hadn’t died. we would have been married by now. we would probably have a dog (or at least 2 cats) by now. we would probably be packing up to move a little further into the suburbs. we would have survived our first PA winter, i’m sure it would have been 3 months of him not letting me turn the heater on. i would have been even more in love with his dumb face than i already was. 

this last year wasn’t how i imagined it would be, but it was better than it could have been. i’m thankful for everyone that’s let me sleep on their couch, and everyone that’s checked in on me periodically, and everyone that’s spent time with me over the last year. i’m thankful for the new relationships i’ve built with people from nathan’s life that have now come into mine. part of the reason that i was so excited to marry nathan was an excitement for finally being a part of a family- and when he died i was so afraid that i was going to lose all of that. i’m glad that hasn’t been the case. 

from what i’ve read, the general consensus seems to be that the 2nd year is the hardest as a widow. so uhhhhh cool, can’t wait. 

[tend-to-make-it-about-me]

This picture is of me the night I thought we had missed the opportunity to see @taylorswift bc our flight was cancelled. It's like 11:30pm and we had a replacement flight at 5:30am. My mom and got to the airport at 4pm for our flight at 6pm. We boarded the flight and an hour later they tell us they can't take off bc of a gash in the plane. It's now 7pm and we have to wait in a long line for consumer service. Keep it in mind that the Taylor concert is the next day. I was panicking thinking I wasn't going to see her. Around an hour later, we are at the front of the line, I'm talking to the employee and my mom is on the phone with customer service. The employee gives me vochers for food/hotel and we have to wait for our vouchers for another airplane. It's 8:30pm and my mom finally gets a flight to chicoago for 5:30 am. They kept telling her the earliest one they had were around 4pm in the afternoon, but we had to be in Minneapolis before 7pm. My mom gets the 5:30am flight info and we leave to get our luggage. Our luggage took forever to come out and we swore they last it. I was about to cry BC my concert outfit was in it. Anyways we got our luggage and headed to the hotel. It's now 9:40pm and my diabetic mother hasn't eaten since like 4pm. We get to the hotel and our entire flight is in line to check in. I go off to get food and see that there were only sandwiches and salads. I buy a sandwich fir myself and a salad for my mother (she's allergic to wheat). I get back to my mom and she hasn't moved in line. We get checked in and head up to our room. It's now 11pm and we eat then fall asleep around midnight. Only to wake up at 3am so we can make our flight. Luckily our flight to Chicago and Minneapolis were fine and we had hours to chill.

This probably has a ton of grammar mistakes. Anyways we make it early to the arena and watch the pre show videos. I danced my heart and screamed so loud during charli. I did the same during Camilla. And during Taylor, my soul left my body. I was so happy. It made all my struggles from the day before worth it. Then the next day we went to see them again.

I only had like 4 hours of sleep on the 31st, but god did I have so much fun.

Plus this picture is a mood

[thejosh1980]

Travel Update #19 - Quarantine Day 11

Originally Posted on Friday 18th September 2020

Well I woke up today early yet again…. I think I was awake before 3am, I definitely was out of bed by 3:30.

I feel pretty down again too…

I had a bit of a breakdown the other night. The stress, tiredness and missing a special someone from Germany got to me. I know I’m not Superman but (unfortunately) I expect myself to have super human strength in these trying times...

These moments of despair are happening more often than in the past. I just don’t realise how stressful it all is until it overwhelms me. I have to remind myself, to remind myself, that we did move (half way around the world) in a pandemic situation, with delayed flights, too many goodbyes (and so far not one hello) and quarantine go through.

It's been 6 months of constant worries... No wonder I'm loosin' it!!

I make sure that I have a lot to do here, I tend to deal with any of my issues by keeping busy. I don’t ignore them as much as I find time helps, and the best way for me to pass the time, is to keep busy. But usually one needs motivation to keep busy, and that is lacking… I have to really force myself to focus on things… To be honest my “to do” list is long, and I am overwhelmed by it…

I know, I am my worst enemy… I'm working on it...

The 4 walls do creep in on you. My world has gotten so small, I am starting to worry about the outside world! Will I be able to just go shopping without anxiety attack?? What is “normal” life like these days? Has it changed a lot since they locked me in here? Questions to be answered in the future…

I am thankful for the phone calls and messages I receive each day. So much love and support, it really goes a long way to putting a smile on my face. Thank you.

Now, to change the subject, lets go back a few days…

Tuesday both breakfast and dinner were late!!! Shock!! Horror! … It’s those little things that matter the most these days… Alexanne was howlin’ for her dinner! She was Hangry!!! Usually our delivery comes later rather than early, but if we expect it latest 19:30, then 19:31 is not good enough! At least it made us laugh… Honestly the meals have been very good and varied… A little “heavy” but I'm sure we'll loose the quarantine weight once we get out of here and can finally spend some time on the beach ;)

We got fresh sheets and towels!!!

I chose to have a bit of a lazy Wednesday… After receiving a bunch of phone calls (walking for hours in the bathroom as to not wake Alex), I took my first nap during the day since being in here… It felt like a bit of a Sunday. Relaxed… TV… some reading… But that was the night the anxiety and stress got the better of me… Maybe because I wasn’t tired enough to just fall asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow… My mind was racing… The day started good, but it didn’t end well…

It could have been the health check phone call or the daily police visit that messed me up… I mean, they call and you have to wake up… they knock and you have to wake up… Pretty unfair when you’re napping…!!! But in the end, they’re just doing their job… Ever since the “runner” the other week, the police come round to check your name off a list… Maybe it’s a government requirement… I do know the daily health phone calls by the nurses are a requirement, in an attempt to preempt any health issues… Yesterday I was offered sleeping tablets, but I can barely bring myself to take ibuprofen let alone sleeping pills…!!

Thursday, after the mess from the night before, I attacked the morning with focus and positivity. I peeled and ate a mandarin!! Shock!! Horror!!!

Like usual, I woke early, and I walked on the balcony most of the morning while listening to a live stream (Slapsteam). It was really cool to spend so much time outside. During the morning, I could see lots of folks down below leaving with their families or in taxi’s… I was a bit jealous, but we are over the hump… Not long to go now… Like usual, I took a few phone calls too…

Between the balcony, bathroom and the phone calls, I managed to walk 13 kilometres or 20,000 steps!!

The news that the Aussie caps would be lifted came in today. It’s a step in the right direction 4,000 to 6,000 per week, but it’s not enough… There’s still too little being done to support stranded Aussies and to get them home… So much in house fighting and State and Federal Government playing the blame game… It’s so hard to describe how this all feels, and unless you go through it, you really don’t know how you’d react or feel… But I can tell you, I’m very disappointed and saddened by my country turning it’s back on fellow Aussies…There’s still no long term plan… and COVID is going to be here for a long time…

I wrote to the local Labor Senator Penny Wong and Health Minister Stephan Wade in my attempt to get access to the park outside the hotel. 3/4 of the hotel rooms don’t have an opening window, and folks are suffering. Fresh air and direct sunlight are really important, especially in these times… I haven’t heard back…

Honestly the social media thing is wearing me down, and I am finding myself less and less online… Have you seen our stories on IG or FB?? I am posting less and less, because I just don’t want to log in and read another heartbreaking and disappointing story. Nor do I want to read comments from folks who’s opinion is very unsympathetic or understanding.

I did manage to focus enough on the Ukulele for an afternoon, figuring out a few songs I might be able to play if I go live on the weekend. I don’t feel very confident, it’s definitely not my strongest instrument… The other problem is the timing, to allow Europeans and Aussies to watch… My initial thoughts are Saturday morning German time/Saturday evening Aussie time… I’ll keep you posted…

We also got to vacuum the room on Thursday. I’ve never seen Alex so happy to have “Henry" in her hands! ;)

Qatar sent me a refund for the 30/09 flight we canceled (after boarding the Singapore flight)… At least that’s a little less financial worry we have…

Alright, so that brings us to this morning, 6:30am Friday morning… After my little cry this morning, I began writing, now the sun is starting to rise, and I hope that today will feel better than those last few down moments I’ve had recently…

Writing down my experiences here has been therapeutic for me… I usually write songs about what’s going on…. Story telling taking on a new form… Always good to try something new...

I appreciate your comments and messages… Thank you everyone…

Stay safe

Josh and @dauntlesscoffee

[boysandsuicide]

1-100 😜

First of also sorry for my English. I know it’s bad 🙄 these are actually hella fucking cute y'all1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk?Idk. Idon’t eat often cereal haha2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day?Sometimes yes , but mostly not 3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books?Starbucks Card , handkarechiefs, paper uns other stuff 4: how do you take your coffee/tea? I love black coffe, but also with milk and suggar. Same with tea . Like it depends in what mood I am and which kind of coffe/Tee it is.5: are you self-conscious of your smile?No 6: do you keep plants?Nope. I even made a cactus die😂7: do you name your plants?No 🤔8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings?I think none. Just tumblr haha9: do you like singing/humming to yourself?Yes, but only when no one is around10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach?I have like 1000 different sleep positions every night 11: what’s an inner joke you have with your friends?I don’t have really good friends, but the most ones are about people from school in Russian 12: what’s your favorite planet?Never thought about it 13: what’s something that made you smile today?A friend,whom I don’t know very long ,but I really like haha14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like?I think like a ikea catalog 😂15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is!Uranus is tilted on its side16: what’s your favorite pasta dish?I think Bolognese but this also depends on my mood . All in all I love food and eat nearly everything 🙄 17: what color do you really want to dye your hair?Platin blond ,but many said ,that it would look good and so i didn’t dare18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up.I think there’s nothing 19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it?I don’t habe one . I just draw or write something during school,when I’m bored af 20: what’s your favorite eye color?I depends on the person but I like grey-green 21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. I don’t have one 22: are you a morning person?Definitely not 23: what’s your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations?Netflix , sleeping or reading 24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets?There’s somebody from tumblr whom I don’t know a very long time , but I think one day I could tell him everything 25: what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into?None 26: what are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit?It changes like every ½ year , but now it are my black vans 27: what’s your favorite bubblegum flavor?Purple airwaves 28: sunrise or sunset?Both but I like more sunsets. Sunrise it too early in the morning 29: what’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing?Idk haha30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared?I get often scared ,but i remember , when I was small and I was flying somewhere and there was turbulence and I thought that we will all die haha31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks.I like socks because they’re covering foot but I have only black and white ones and yes I do sleep with socks 32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends.I don’t remember something happened while I was with friends after 3AM. This even didn’t happened often 33: what’s your fave pastry?I love cake but I’m working at bakery so I don’t really like pastry 🙄34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it?It was called karkusha(Russian ) it was a bird puppet and I got it on a flight and my grandmother always played with me. It’s somewhere in our flat but idk where 35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often?Nope 36: which band’s sound would fit your mood right now?Idk haha 37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean?I like it when my room is clean but I’m a messy person 38: tell us about your pet peeves!I don’t have pet :((((39: what color do you wear the most? Black, than white and grey 40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what’s it’s story? does it have any meaning to you?I got and gold chain from my grandmother , but I’m not wearing it because it breaks often and it doesn’t really having a meaning from me . Only that it’s from my grandmother 41: what’s the last book you remember really, really loving?Scythe and night school 42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it!Starbucks 😍😍😍😍43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with?I never did this but i want to :(44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything?Idk. Last time I felt , that I can be who I am , was with a friend ( I hope is one , because ideally like him , we just don’t know eachother for a long time ) His name is Noel and he also has tumblr 🙄 45: do you trust your instincts a lot?I depends on the situation but often i do 46: tell us the worst pun you can think of. Idk hahaha47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe?Oysters . I hate it and the smell 48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today?Spiders , falling somewhere down from a high place - I’m still afraid of both today; dying - I’m not afraid anymore of dying 49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought?Nope and it was a long time ago I bought one so idk 50: what’s an odd thing you collect? Different stuff but I collect flight tickets but I lose them in my room 😂 and I collect nearly everything 51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them?There’s no52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far?Too many 😂 53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them? I watched None of them 54: who’s the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face?I think some school-friends on Friday - we got our certificate 55: what’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point?Idk 56: what are some things you find endearing in people?It depends on if like Theo person or not . But I like when someone truly smiles a lot and cares about someone 57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics? I like this song and it made me fell like sad or something like that but also happy haha🙄58: who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why?And again no friends haha59: what’s your favorite myth?There’s no . But maybe aliens ?🤔🤔60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves? I like Russian poetry . Pushkin 61: what’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received?I got many stupid ones and gave many stupid ones , but I think the stupidest givt was a bottle opener which looked like a bottle cover haha but again I am/ wasn’t invited often to birthdays or something like that 62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind?Nope . I’m allergic against fruits 63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be?Nope I’m not . Just put like the first , second etc. Part of a book series together 64: what color is the sky where you are right now?It’s dark blue/ black . At home 65: is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d love to hang out with? Yes a girl who I know a long time but we like drifted apart and a boy from tumblr whom I saw some days ago ( I know it’s not a long time, but I miss him)66: what would your ideal flower crown look like?Pollen allergy 😂67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel?I like them when I’m st home with a hot drink and read book/ watch Netflix or a good friend is around me and you can talk about deep topics haha68: what’s winter like where you live? Like shit . It’s rainy and maybe there’s snow for 2 minutes but then it melts :(. But it’s typical german winter and it’s often „very called“69: what are your favorite board games? I like monopoly70: have you ever used a ouija board? Nope 71: what’s your favorite kind of tea?I love bubble tea , but also black , green tea or some with fruits . It’s depends on my mood. 72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it?Sone things yes . Some I will still remember in 100 years 73: what are some of your worst habits?There to many . Some of them : I am very annoying and clinging 74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns.I don’t have good friends (now)75: tell us about your pets!I wanna a cat since I’m 5 years old but allergy :( but it’s one of my biggest wish which will never come true 76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t?Homework, learning 77: pink or yellow lemonade?Both 🤔78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub?Definitely Fanclub 79: what’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you?Hugged me a long time , cared about me , wrote me a very long and cute birthday text me 80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why?White and grey . I wanted something normal and I like the colours black , white and grey 81: describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of.I don’t remember they’re eyes and eye colour😂82: are/were you good in school?Im good but not good Enough for me and my mom . My average is 1,8 but I wanna 1,5 or better 83: what’s some of your favorite album art?Idk 84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones?I wanna a tattoo but Idk which one . Maybe something with rose(s)85: do you read comics? what are your faves?I don’t 86: do you like concept albums? which ones? Yes I do but idk which ones 87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives?Idk. It depends on what kind of movies the person likes 88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy?Idk Hahahaha89: are you close to your parents?I don’t know my father . I hate my stepfather and don’t talk to him but I’m also not close to my mom 90: talk about your one of you favorite cities.I love Moscow . It’s besutiful af and it’s big and it’s like full of live and not dead in the night and I just love it 91: where do you plan on traveling this year?Moscow92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch?I drown my pasta into cheese . There’s never too much cheese 🤷🏻‍♂️93: what’s the hairstyle you wear the most?Idk how it’s called haha 94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday?I think the brother of a school friend 95: what are your plans for this weekend?My plans were sleeping as long as I want ,Netflix and homework because I have to get better grades 96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot?Mostly I procrastinate on them a lot 97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house?Intp, Lion , idk haha but Irving the one Harry Potter was in 98: when’s the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it?I don’t remember it and I don’t want to and I hate it . So please never talk about it again 99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them.Leer-KC Rebell Hold on -chord overstreet Take on the world -you me at sixMAD world - Riverdale cast Many from little peep , kizaru, troye Sivan and russ

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why?I think the future one . Like I wanna know how my future will be. Will I be still alive ? Will I be happy ? Will I reach some of my goals ? But on the other hand I also wanna be surprised but life etc.

BTW I needed nearly an hour to answer so questions but I think no one will read everything haha. But I you did , maybe you can message me 🤔

[billinghamn]

Las Vegas TP Run in Nov 2019: Day 6 - Los Angeles to Washington on Tue 26 Nov 2019

After a chilled out evening with a few beers, and watching an episode of SVU from the first series, I had a pretty decent night’s sleep. I woke at 3am, and thought I might as well head in to the airport on the first shuttle at 4:30am. Same approach as on Sat.

In packing and checking that I had everything I needed, I noticed that on my boarding pass for my flight to Washington, there was no TSA Pre printed on it. Now at 5am, it’s not that big a deal going through normal security, but I decided I would try to find out why that was.

After being dropped off at T4, I enquired at the AA check in desk, provided my Trusted Traveller Number (TTN), and the lady behind the counter kept shaking her head. The number wasn’t accepted because the details didn’t match those associated with the TTN. In the end, she worked out it was somethng to do with my middle name - she re-entered everything and I finally got a boarding pass with TSA Pre printed on it.

Flight: BA2491 Equip: A321 Sched Depart: 10:26 Actual: 11:11 Sched Arrival: 18:09 Actual: 18:27 Takeoff: 11:21 Landing: 18:22

On my way up to TSA Pre security check, the escalator dragon was being really strict about case sizes - all cases needed to be physically placed in the sizer, and if it didn’t fit, then it would have to be checked in. That wasn’t a good one for us, since our cases meet the requirements of BA, but AA’s carry on allowance is slightly smaller.

In to the Flagship Lounge, and on the basis there was a huge queue on Sat morning, I decided to head straight over to TBIT and pick up my Starbucks. Of course, when I got there, there was no queue at all! Typical. I was given a new design of cup that I hadn’t seen before.

Heading east is always quite a bit quicker than heading west due to the jet stream, and today’s flight was expected to take just over four hours. That’s nothing considering it’s a 2000+ flight.

In order to pass the time, I had a spot of breakfast in the lounge and then I had a wander around TBIT, including a pop in to the Qantas First Lounge. People rave about this place, but to be honest, I don’t quite get it. Perhaps the food is pretty good, but the lounge has no character.

There were some interesting sights in and around TBIT.

My flight to Washington was supposed to leave from Gate 47B, but the previous flight hadn’t left the gate due to them waiting for a missing member of crew. Consequently it wasn’t long before my flight moved to Gate 43.

The aircraft had arrived in from Chicago early in the morning, so was in the hangar for 8 hours ot so. For some reason it was late arriving at the gate, and we ended up pushing back about 30 mins later than scheduled. I was sat in seat 1F, and I was looking forward to watching a couple of movies on the way across America.

The first film I watched was Stockholm with Ethan Hawke, Noomi Rapace and Mark Strong. It’s subject is a 6-day Stockholm Syndrome bank robbery, so it’s all about how one specific hostage becomes close to her hostage taker. It was a good use of 90 mins. Strong performances from all actors, and an interesting subject.

I followed that with Notting Hill, which must be one of my favourite films of all time. It’s just another one of those classic British rom-coms with a host of well-known British actors.

Whilst I watched my films, I was served with champagne and nuts, followed by a delicious cheese ravioli, and then ice cream sundae. What’s not to like about that?

We arrived in to Gate B71 at Washington, about 20 mins later than scheduled, so the flight crew caught up a little bit of time. Overall it was fairly bumpy at times, but the cabin crew provided excellent service.

[xxlying-from-y0u]

Introverts Reveal The Incredible Lengths They’ve Gone To Avoid People

1) My roommates decided to have a random study party, with like 20 people in our apartment that is only 800 sq feet. Because of the unexpected intrusion, I got into the router settings and throttled the internet to dial up era speeds. When my roommates were trying to figure out what was happening, I told them we simply had too many people splitting the bandwidth and in annoyance they all left for the library. Best eight hours of silence ever.

2) If someone is browsing a section of a shelf at a grocery where I need something from, I pretend to look at other stuff until they go away.

I swear though today I think I was waiting for someone to leave the canned soup section while they were waiting for me to leave the salsa section diagonally behind them.

3) I just took a new job where I basically interact with dogs all day instead of people. It is bliss.

4) A few summers ago, we had to replace the air vents in my house so my parents hired a few guys from an air conditioning company. To change all the air vents, the men had to go room to room so naturally, I thought I could avoid them by literally camping out in the closet which had no air vent so why would they even need to check? The closet in question was actually a teeny walk-in closet in my parent's room with a door that opens inward like a bedroom door. So I grabbed my pillow, 3DS, and a snack, and was ready to brave the long day in there.

Unfortunately, I didn’t think far enough about what to do if they did happen to come upon my hiding spot. I think I was in there for about an hour when I suddenly heard footsteps nearby and yep, they were opening the door. I never panicked so hard in my life because how do you even explain this to someone? “Hello, I didn’t want you to know I was here so I decided to make this closet my home."

So what did my panicked dumbass do to make it even more awkward? I started PUSHING back on the door to shut it and I can just imagine what this poor guy must have been thinking. He finally stopped pushing, knocked politely on a freaking closet door, and asked if there were any air vents in there. I could only squeak out a mortified no.

I do have social anxiety which makes me do some pretty stupid things, but I definitely learned my lesson that time to not avoid people. Or better yet, not be an idiot!

5) My grandfather has died like 15 times to get me out of social engagements. What a champ.

6) It's Saturday and my phone is on flight mode to avoid calls and text messages, the curtains are all drawn so it looks like I'm not home, and I'm going to watch movies all day. Sounds like my ideal day, really.

7) I had this office job for about 6 months where I didn't really like anyone I worked with, so every day for lunch I would go out to my car to pretend I was going out to get lunch, and instead drive to a nearby mall parking garage, park, and eat the lunch I'd packed for myself. I could've saved gas and time by just sitting by myself at one of the tables at work. But then someone might've tried to talk to me.

8) I remember one time, we had a door sales man at our front door me and my wife hide underneed the window we laid down on the floor. The man looked inside and saw us hiding there. He slowly walked away....

9) I volunteered for a position in another country where I don't speak the language so I could avoid conversations with my coworkers.

10) I didn't get up to use the restroom on a 12 hour flight because I didn't want to bother the guy next to me. Also didn't refuse the drinks they kept offering in fear of being rude. Some of the worst pain I've experienced..

11) Once I had two meetings scheduled at the same time. I called both, said I had to go to the other, and went to neither.

12) My roommate is very talkative. She'll talk at me for hours on end if I let her. Sometimes when I'm not in the mood for it, I'll hop in the car and drive until she goes to bed.

13) One time someone tried to small talk with me and I literally just said "I dont talk to people" and walked away

14) I was having a "bad day" with being a introvert, so I used one of those Grocery Delivery services, and texted the driver saying wasn't home at the moment and to just leave the stuff on the porch.

When I heard her drive up I literally stood in my hallway where I couldn't be seen from any windows and listened carefully.

I heard her come up to the door, knock, knock again, drop the bags and drive off. She sent a text that she had dropped the stuff off and I should hurry because some of it is perishable.

I opened the door and got my groceries.

That might be one of the lowest moments in my life. I still get pangs of shame whenever I think of it.

15) I call it "anti-stalking"; I'll make a note of a person's routine, times, dates, locations, and use this information to intentionally avoid them, lest I have to have... shudders small talk, or something.

16) call it "anti-stalking"; I'll make a note of a person's routine, times, dates, locations, and use this information to intentionally avoid them, lest I have to have... shudders small talk, or something.

17) I moved to Japan because you don’t have to make small talk with strangers ever.

18) I went down the elevator with a colleague. We use the same subway line to get home, and I knew if we walked down together we'd also have to sit on the train together and make small talk for the next 45 minutes.

So at the building exit I said I had an errand to run, walked the opposite direction, and used a different subway line that added another 20 minutes to my commute. Worth it.

19) Picked up a girl at the bar once... I was 19 (didn't get carded) she was 26. Around 3AM I decided I want her gone. So I go around the house and set all the clocks forward to 630AM. I even went out to my truck and changed that clock. I woke her up and told her I had shit to do, it was morning. She was very confused, prob only slept about 30 mins.

I passed a f*cking bank on the way to her house... Big ass bright clock at 3am.

She was not happy.. never spoke again.

20) Leave the office through the back door to avoid saying bye to people.

[jennythejelly-blog]

Boracay: the Beach Life ✨

When you think of the Philippines and you think of white beach, almost immediately you think of the magnificent and awe-inspiring beaches of the island of Boracay. So when one of my friends suggested that we take a trip there for Christmas, how could I refuse? 

We had a few complications with this trip. Initially there were 4 of us who are travelling, but since one of them can’t come home from the US in time (I’m looking at you, Sheena ☹️), we had to adjust and compromise. (And tsup if you’re reading this, we miss you so much and we wished you could have been there with us!) 

Anyway, we booked this trip months ago. And because of that, our flight was subject to a lot of changes, especially since Boracay just reopened last October. We stayed in Boracay for 3 days, 2 nights.  (Dec. 27-29, 2018)

📸 Photo credits: Jessa Cabigas 

Going there

Bear in mind that Boracay has two airports. Caticlan and Kalibo. If you are planning on travelling there, best pick Caticlan as your airport since its the nearest one to the island and all you have to do is ride a ferry. However, if you find the prices too much (some even go up to Php 12k one-way), then going to Kalibo Airport instead would be a better option. 

We originally booked for Caticlan, but as mentioned, because Boracay just reopened two months ago (and the tourists are pouring in to see how much has really changed), our flight was rescheduled and rerouted to Kalibo Airport. Now we didn't mind getting a rescheduled flight, but a rescheduled airport and a time frame that was so inconvenient??? It pissed us off, but oh well, what can we do? So we pushed on with our trip.

We were at Mactan Airport really late in the evening since our flight was at 11:30 PM. My friends and I just had coffee to keep our eyes up and we tried our best to keep awake.

We arrived at Kalibo Airport at around 1am.

It was such an unholy hour to be travelling, but thankfully there were vans outside the airport available for transport to Caticlan. Note that in order to go to the island of Boracay, you have to go to Caticlan ferry port first. It cost Php 200 for a 2.5 hr van ride. But because we were travelling at dawn and there was no traffic, we arrived there in just an hour and a half. 

When we arrived at Caticlan, we bought the necessary tickets for the ferry. We first had to pay for environmental fee and some other fee (I didn't get to take a picture of how much it was because really, it was 3am and we're all very tired) but I think it was around Php 150-200 in total. Next we paid for our ferry ticket, which is Php 50.

When travelling to Boracay, make sure that the weather is good, because there's a possibility that the coast guard won't let you pass through if the weather is bad. (More on that later)

It was a very quick trip, around 10 mins. And once you've arrived, ta-da! You're in the island of Boracay.

Arrival

From the ferry port, there are a few transportation options to choose from. There are vans for big groups (we didn’t get to ask how much they were priced), but since its just me and my two friends, we opted to ride a tricycle to our airbnb. The driver initially asked for Php 200 but we haggled it down to Php 120. Bear in mind that we were travelling at 3am, so its quite expected for the prices to spike up. 

So we rode the tricycle towards DMall (where our airbnb was at), and while we were travelling, I can’t help but notice about the state of the island’s roads. Most of the roadwork wasn’t finished yet, and there were a lot of big trucks and construction work going on. (I apologize for lack of pictures since it was 3-mf-AM). But despite all that, the roads were not that bad and it’s actually looking quite good. I’m sure when the roadwork is 100% finished, the island would look so much better and would attract more tourists.

We arrived at DMall, and at first we were confused as to where our airbnb was located. To our surprise, it was located literally inside DMall, and it was such an accessible and easy location.

The only issue we had though, was while it was located at the heart of where the nightlife is, it is also beside a wet market, which means it is quite smelly when you go in. Also, every night there will be a garbage pickup, and unfortunately our airbnb was near where the garbage will be piled up for pickup. And that was the only con to the whole place. But once you’ve overlooked that, you will really appreciate the accessibility of the whole place and how convenient it is for first time tourists like us to navigate. We stayed at Fat Jimmy’s Resort via airbnb.

Because we were all so very excited to finally arrive in the island of Boracay, the first thing we thought of (even though it was almost 4am by this time), is to go to the beach. So we checked-in our bags first and left it at our place (there was a friendly 24-hr guard there), and decided to explore the island while it was still asleep.

So we walked around and followed the noise and the music, until we finally arrived at the beachfront and found this club called Epic Boracay, who was the only one alive and open.

My friends and I weren’t in the mood to be partying yet, so we were just observing the people and just soaking in that Boracay ambiance. I immediately noticed that there were so many military men scattered all over the place. Every few steps, there will be around two or three of them keeping watch over the beach. Which, in my opinion, is a good thing.

We walked over to the beach and took off our shoes, and maaaan. I can’t even begin to describe how soft and how perfect the sand is in Boracay. It’s literally like you’re walking on a cloud because of how soft it is. There are no rocks or anything sharp in sight. Just pure, beautiful sand. We couldn’t wait to see what this looks like in daylight. We were all so excited.

After a few minutes of exploring, we finally decided to call it a day. Since we arrived at 4am and check-in isn’t at 2pm and there were no available rooms yet, we had to rest in the resort lobby. We decided to take a nap for a few hours and wait for day break before going back to the beach again.

Click here for page 2 

[jayegum]

Crete - Estate Kares, Chania, Archanes

We avidly set off for Greece's biggest island being told constantly that it had the best food and the best people with the best hospitality. Our ferry was late into Heraklion (though we were very amused by our waiter at Santorini port as we waited for our ship) and it wasn't too bad as it is light until 930pmish as I've said before. We had decided to hire a car given Crete's size and i am so glad we did. We set off from the port in our little Celery (Suzuki Celerio with a whopping 1100cc engine) for Estate Kares that advertises itself as a hotel in a little Cretan village. Google maps had different ideas as to how to get to the Estate and we ended up on a back road with the sky darkening and our fuel light coming on. Joely jumped out at what we thought was Estate Kares only to be told that the whole area was villas under Estate Kares and the one we were looking for was up a flight of 160 stairs to our left. We schlepped it up the almost vertical steps and found the hotel. We were greeted by Georgia who was our first wonderful introduction to Cretan hospitality. She informed us that we should have kept going straight (even though the Estate Kares sign said left) towards the little town of Thillosis so I set out alone to complete the mission. It was 20 minutes in and almost dark when I was regretting leaving Joel and his 20/20 vision in the dark at the estate. Luckily it wasn't too hard to find and I ended up arriving back at the correct entrance around 930pm. Georgia prepared us a home cooked meal of spaghetti for me and stifado for Joel and we washed it down with a couple of carafes of red (in Greece it is cheaper to get a half litre of wine than 2 glasses!) We finished the meal and night with Georgia and Emanuel (the owner) around 11pm when we were shown to our apartment. It was amazing especially considering we were paying the same or more for shoebox rooms on Mykonos and Santorini. We loved the place so much that we decided to stay another night. We didn't even head out to explore, but just enjoyed the serenity of the little Cretan village after a busy 11 days on the other islands. After saying goodbye to our new Cretan friends we headed to Chania town - the ancient port town on the west coast of Crete. A brief explanation of the crazy ass driving in Crete - everyone in Greece drives at least 20kms over the speed limit while simultaneously creating a 3rd lane in the middle of the road for overtaking on double white lanes! All I can say that it was like intense rally driving with random cliffs thrown in. We stayed near Nea Chora beach at Constantino's who turned out to be a American Cretan who's personality was as big as his hair and stomach. He happily explained everything that Chania town had to offer and helped us book a walking tour of the Samaria Gorge in a few days time - Samaria Gorge is a 16km walk, one of Europe's longest which ends at the Libyan sea and requires a ferry trip and bus transfer out if you don't want to walk (sadly this never took place as we happening to come to Chania town in the middle of a heat wave! It was 40° in town so that means with the wind it can reach upwards of 50° in the canyon!) After settling in we wandered down to Nea Chora for lunch and a swim and Joel got to try wild greens for the first time (apparently the meal that kept the Cretans alive during many a war siege). He loved them. I thought it looked and tasted like soggy spinach. We had a quick dip after lunch and were attacked by those nibbling fish. That night we meandered the km or so to the old Venetian Port past the Chania Metal Festival that happened to be on while we were there. The port was absolutely amazing and beautiful. We walked all the way around and out to the lighthouse before finding a spot to dine. In the am I told Joel we were going for a drive as I wanted to see the famous pink beach of Elafonissi. We headed to the very west coast and first stopped at Falassarna Beach. We have seen some exquisite beaches in the Med and obviously are spoiled for them back home but this one was special. We just bobbed around for an hour taking it all in. We then headed south for Elafonissi and fark! I did not realise that I would be driving up and down cliff faces to get there. I'm so glad I was driving because I think if i was the passenger I would have had a panic attack. Joel absolutely loved it and it was amazing (you can see a clip on Instagram). When we reached Elafonissi after and hour or so we were met with a resounding wah wah waaaaaah. No pink sand in sight and just rubbish and lounges everywhere. It was the epitome of fucking up a naturally beautiful landscape so it has no appeal anymore. We still had a dip and then headed back the internal route to Chania. More mountain driving interspersed with quaint little villages and tunnels through rock. A truly memorable drive and day. That night we headed in early to prepare ourself for the 6am pick up for Samaria only to find it was cancelled. We didn't waste the day though as we booked onto a boat tour that took us out to Kri Kri Island for snorkelling. The snorkelling was ho hum as was the scuba diving but we met a lovely English couple and it happened to be Rachel's birthday. We decided to meet up that night somewhere for drinks. Joel and I went to a little taverna in a laneway and stupidly ate way too much food (Joel had stifado again :) and I had souvlaki). While we were sitting there we noticed that in the window next door was a dungeon like room that people were setting up as a bar. Rachel and Nathan mer us there and it turned out to be a beautiful open roof bar called Synagogi as it is inside or next to an ancient synagogue. The cocktails and music were great and we ended up out till 3am (the oldies still have it) with promises to meet up at the Pride Festival in Brighton in August. Nursing a hangover we left Chania and headed to another little village called Archanes. We stopped in at Bali in Crete just to say we'd been there and also to rehydrate. We were going to swim but were worried about the urine content of the water in the bay as there were a hundred kids. We stayed at Ahrontiko in Archanes which was a refurbished 100+ year old building. On arrival we were greeted by an old Greek Mamma with polio who didn't speak a lick of English but put me on the phone to her son who explained the details. The apartment was a 2 storey delight. I bailed the first night due to the previous nights activities but Joel wandered down to the square in search of sustenance. The big ticket item on joel's itinerary was the Nikos Kazantzakis museum - I am not a philosophy buff but it was still a great experience. On the way home we happened across a winery and figured it would be rude not to have a tasting. I managed to get down to Archanes proper that night and we had a lovely meal in the square surrounded by the local men (woman seemed to stay at home and cook all together while the gents popped out for cigarettes and ouzo). Our last day in Crete we ventured to the east of the island (much better highways so not as hairy) to Agios Nicholos. We had lunch on the beautiful ocean lake and wandered through the cobbled laneways (mainly in search of gelato to which I am now addicted). The morning of our departure we had to be at Heraklion Port by 11am to return the car and board our ferry for Rhodes. Unfortunately when we got there we eere informed that the ferry would now depart at 2pm. We decided to borrow the car again and explore some of Heraklion. We went into the old fortress on the ocean (AMAZING!) and had a lovely seaside lunch. The ferry ended up being another 30 minutes late and then didn't depart until 330pm which did not bode well for our arrival in Rhodes. I had booked a hotel with 24hr reception as we were meant to arrive at 2am. The ship was an experience in itself as it was a ship and not a ferry. We had a room with bunks and there was a lounge, a bar and a restaurant. We hit hay after many episodes of Silicon Valley (thank Al) and I had fitful dreams that were half Titanic and half rollercoaster (our room was internal and felt a bit steerage like). We ended up arriving at 730am in Rhodes! 3 and a half hours late and still swaying x

[squeaky-jiminie]

Fact Tag!

Tagged by @jadezx​ <3333 Thanks my love!!!!!!!!!

1. Do you have a good relationship with your parents? - Most of the time xD No, I love my parents. My mom and I just argue a lot because we have polar opposite opinions on almost everything lolz 2. Who did you last say “i love you” to? - I think I say I love you to like 20 people everyday so I have no idea hahahha 3. Do you regret anything? - Nope. Everything I’ve done has lead me here 4. Are you insecure? - Oh yeah, totally 5. What’s your relationship status? - I’m so single it’s ridiculous 6. How do you want to die? - Peacefully 7. What did you last eat? - Cheesecake xD (it was my breakfast) 8. Played any sports? - I swam when I was younger and did gymnastics for a while 9. Do you bite your nails? - Ugh yes help 10. When was your last physical fight? - Never. I’m actually a pacifist in a way. I hate fights. I hate war. I hate violence. 11. Do you like someone? - Not romantically. How do people do that in college? 12. Dave you ever stayed up 48 hours? - Yeah xD I went to NYC with my school and we took a read eye flight and nope it was so bad 13. Do you hate anyone at the moment? - I don’t really hate people, so no. 14. Do you miss someone? - Yes. 15. Have any pets? - Two dogs <3 16. How exactly are you feeling at the moment? - Absolutely exhausted 17. Ever made out in the bathroom? - Omg xD no lol I’m not that bad hahahaha 18. Are you scared of spiders? - I’m scared of any insect omg 19. Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? - No way 20. Where was the last place you snogged someone? - In my car xD 21. What are your plans for this weekend? - I need to write a summary for school today but other than that I’m not doing crap 22. Do you want to have kids? how many? - Yes and literally just 1. That’s all I think I can handle xD Maybe 2 23. Do you have piercings? how many? - Yes! I have 4 and I want a 5th on my right ear 24. What is/are/were your best subject(s)? - World History/Music as Culture 25. Do you miss anyone from your past? - Oh god yes 26. What are you craving right now? - Affection 27. Have you ever broken someone’s heart? - Yes 28. have you ever been cheated on? - No 29. Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? - Never had one xD 30. What’s irritating you right now?‘ - My own brain 31. Does somebody love you? - Yes <3 ^^ 32. What is your favourite color? - Black, grey and light pink 33. Do you have trust issues? - Not really surprisingly 34. Who/what was your last dream about? - OMFG SOOOO I watched the Outlast 2 walkthrough last night with my friend MISTAKE because I legit would close my eyes and I kept seeing it everywhere and I DIDN’T SLEEP OMG 35. Who was the last person you cried in front of? - Probably my mom? She probably made me cry?? OR In front of a crap ton of people in a movie theater. Who knows xD 36. Do you give out second chances too easily? - Oh god yes unfortunately 37. Is it easier to forgive or forget? - Forgive. I never forget. 38. Is this year the best year of your life? - So far, I think it’s going pretty great xD 39. How old were you when you had your first kiss? - Uh technically like 5? But really like last year lolz 40. Have you ever walked outside completely naked? - Omg no xD 51. Favourite food? - Noodles. Japchae. Mushroom ravioli. Noodles. 52. Do you believe everything happens for a reason? - Yes 53. What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? - Uhm, I was watching Harry Potter trying not to lose my mind xD 54. Is cheating ever okay? - No. Not even remotely. 55. Are you mean? - No. I am pretty nice. Too nice most of the time but I am expressing my thoughts more which means I can get pretty, ya know, “Stop being a jerk,” sort of thing. 56. How many people have you fist fought?
 - None omg lol I’m “smol” as some of my friends would point out 57. Do you believe in true love? - Yes 58. Favourite weather? - Cloudy and rainy <3 59. Do you like the snow? - EhhhHHHHHhhhHHhhhhhhh~ 60. Do you wanna get married? - Yes but not for like 10 years 61. Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? - Nope. Nope. In theory maybe? But when a guy calls me baby I’m like “Ew. Ew. Ew. No. Nope. No thanks. Byeeee~” When I girl calls me that I don’t mind though xD 62. What makes you happy?
 - Kpop, Dan & Phil, Star Wars, my friends, babies, making people laugh, doing my makeup, etc etc etc 63. Would you change your name? - Nah 64. Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?
 - Omg yes. I have so many strong angry emotions about him 65. Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? - Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh. He definitely wouldn’t xD It depends on which one we’re talking about. Devan? Definitely wouldn’t. We’ve brought it up. Nope for both of us? Signory. I’d marry him xD 66. Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? - I act like myself around everyone xD No secrets here! 67. Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? - I hung out with Devan till like 3am last night 68. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? - My friend from hs. I had to have a heart to heart with her 69. Do you believe in soulmates? - Sure lol xD 70. Is there anyone you would die for? - My nieces and nephew. 100000000%

Tagging @kimyoujinis186cmofpuregoodness @hunniedae @ulookfreshlikesalad @use-your-imajination @uniqs-topp @notodaybts @dansphil​ @xoyixing​ <333

[maysoper]

Back To Real Life

Life starts getting back to normal this morning as I'll be on my way to Moncton, New Brunswick to begin the first leg of the flights taking me west. It's pretty surreal to think that I've visited five provinces on this trip - albeit two were just in airports - but that's the path that this little excursion has taken me on as I happily followed the University of Manitoba Bisons women's hockey team until mid-March for the second-straight season. Life, on the other hand, moves on, so it's back to airports and departure schedules as I settle back into real life once more.

One of the fun things this blog allows me to do is explore other topics at time. Today is one such article as Hockey Blog in Canada is proud to bring you The Airport Report after having travelled through five of them on this trip! We'll go over some of the basics, but we'll look at this from a traveller's perspective in terms of what amenities and comforts the airports have when it comes to making a traveller as comfortable as possible. You may think that the bigger airports have it easy since they have all sorts of room to add restaurants and shops, but those aren't the only things that make travelling easier when it comes to layovers and staying relaxed during the arduous processes that going into shuffling people around the airport and onto a plane. I want to say upfront that this review is in no way official, verified, or peer-reviewed in any way, making it a bit of a tongue-in-cheek review. That being said, none of the airports are going to receive a failing or poor grade based on my experiences. JAMES RICHARDSON AIRPORT in WINNIPEG: This name is too long. I know that James Richardson was an important figure in Winnipeg, but we need to shorten this name. JimmyRich? J-Rich? Something shorter would be better. Once getting past the name, the airport is nice in that it's not a multi-terminal airport so getting from one end to the other is quite easy. This might be the only airport in Canada to not have both a Subway restaurant or a Booster Juice, so if you need a sandwich or a fruity beverage you'll have to acquire one at the other half-dozen restaurants. The seating in the departure area could be more comfortable, but I wasn't there for a layover so I survived. OVERALL SCORE: ★★★⋆/5 PEARSON AIRPORT in TORONTO:This review will encompass the best and worst about Pearson as I spent an ungodly 12 hours in this facility. I want to credit the staff who work at the three establishments open all night for helping to keep me sane as Subway, Tim Hortons, and 7-11 were my storefronts of saving grace. In case you were wondering, I preferred 7-11's coffee in Terminal 1 over the other two establishments' blends, so kudos to them. This airport has three terminals, none of which much sense considering the always-happening constructions and redesign that seems to be happening at each of them. Pearson Airport might be a government project with all the continued renovations happening at this point as I've never been to the airport without some section of the building having work done on it. While the construction itself wasn't much of a hassle, the effects of that construction were. I thought I found a comfortable place to sleep in the arrival area of Terminal 1, but it seems that Air Canada has arrivals that run throughout the night as it was anything but silent in there with passengers and bag carousels continually making as much noise as they could all night. I decided to relocate to a quiet hall in the departure area which became a full-on acoustic concert hall for the array of noises the overnight construction crew was making. I swear it was louder in there than it was in the arrival section of the terminal. Luckily for me, I did find an incredibly comfortable chair to lounge in, so not all was lost. I decided this place would be my refuge as I wasn't going to abandon what I believe may be the most comfortable chairs in Pearson.

One of the great highlights during my attempts to nod off and gain some precious sleep was the 3am alarm that went off as Pearson Airport ran some sort of test with its alarms. I had my headphones on so I didn't catch the full message, but you should likely be aware that noise-cancelling headphones don't entirely blot out ear-piercing alarms. Needless to say, I didn't sleep much during the full 30 minutes in which they let the alarms run. Why 30 minutes? I assume they knew I was trying to get some sleep. The security guards were likely giggling to themselves as they watched me on the cameras. The food was fine as Subway had a decent breakfast and the 7-11 coffee got me through to morning where I finally managed to get some sleep as the sounds of excited travellers replaced the ongoing symphony of banging and thuds from the construction crew. One could mistake Pearson as a large mall if one was so inclined as there are retail operations virtually everywhere in the terminals, so it's not like there wasn't a place to get whatever it was one was seeking. While I would have liked some place to lie down, the chair I found afforded me three hours of sleep in what is likely the busiest and noisiest airport in Canada. When I was finally going through security checks and getting ready to leave for my next destination, the lines moved quickly and efficiently. Even with the whole Boeing 737 Max groundings, Air Canada was shuffling people between gates as they looked to get passengers on planes as quickly as possible without much delay. Is Pearson big? Yes, perhaps too big. Is it noisy? Absolutely. Is it awful? Not by any measure as I survived the night and came out a little groggy and tired on the other side, but I made it without any deaths, without hunger, without thirst, and without a lot of sleep. Three out of four ain't bad, right? OVERALL SCORE: ★★★⋆/5 (the little star is half of a star) STANFIELD AIRPORT in HALIFAX: My time in this airport was brief as I had about two hours to discover everything about Halifax that I could from the brochures at the information desk. The airport was laid out well on its land, and there were clear directions to virtually every gate that one would need to find. There were a number of storefronts that one could browse, and the usual collection of restaurants were present. Heck, I even stopped at a Booster Juice as a pick-me-up for lunch! The seating in the departure area was nice - more comfortable than Winnipeg, but entirely less comfortable than the armchair I secured in Toronto. It certainly helped to brighten the day by having a sunny day combined with all the windows in the departure area. I was pleasantly surprised by Stanfield Airport, and, if it works for future flights, I'd stop there again! OVERALL SCORE: ★★★★/5 CHARLOTTETOWN AIRPORT: This airport felt like a small-town or secondary airport as it was literally a small terminal, a small baggage carousel, a couple of shops, and a car rental place or two. It wasn't flashy or extravagant, but it got the job done in a utilitarian way. If one had to spend an extended period of time here, there's little to do besides people-watch, but the airport got the job done when it came to getting people into and out of Charlottetown. OVERALL SCORE: ★★★⋆/5 GREATER ROMEO LEBLANC AIRPORT in MONCTON: There is no Lesser Romeo Leblanc Airport, so why is there a Greater Airport? For those that don't know, Romeo Leblanc was a Canadian journalist, politician, and statesman who served as Governor General of Canada before his passing in 2009, so I can appreciate the honouring of his legacy. Moncton's airport isn't extravagant either - it has a Tim Hortons and a bar upstairs next to the observation deck - but it actually has an art gallery in the airport that features local artists. And not just a hallway like they have in Toronto - an actual art gallery! Once through security, the departure area is rather small, but they have excellent places to work with outlets. The seating isn't overly great, but the stools for the electronics areas are far more comfy. OVERALL SCORE: ★★★★/5 Some may disagree with those scores above for each of the airports I visited on this trip, and that's likely do to each person's individual experiences at those airports. Again, none were a horrible experience by any means, and, despite my lack of sleep in Pearson Airport, all are modern with acceptable amenities to keep one's vacation or visit moving at an acceptable speed. I do think it's cool that I got to visit four provinces on this trip, experience crossing the Abegweit Passage of Northumberland Strait via the Conferedate Bridge, see the Atlantic Ocean from the plane and the shores of Charlottetown, and catch some great hockey action when I was working. At the end of the day, it's nice to be back home, but I had a blast on this trip! Until next time, keep your sticks on the ice! from Sports News http://hockey-blog-in-canada.blogspot.com/2019/03/back-to-real-life.html