#this however does mean that most villains (in character: not the actors!!) are ugly to me no matter what they look like QAQ

[stiltonbasket]

💙 (blue) for the other ask 🙈🙈🙈

💙: Which character is not as hot as everyone else seems to think?

As a flaming asexual, I'm probably the wrong person to ask about this...or the right person, because to me, nobody is as hot as everyone else seems to think except maybe figuratively? I'm bad at distinguishing whether attractiveness is being spoken of "seriously" or .... theoretically?...or as a joke, or...yeah, I honestly don't know. Characters whose personalities I especially like immediately become adorable to me (if that makes sense) so I get cute aggression every time I see my favorite little guys.

[lyledebeast]

The three bewigged, villainous, child-menacing characters Jason Isaacs played in the early 2000s share so much in common that it is almost possible to think of them one character in three different genres and, crucially, for three different ratings. Yet those differences make it very difficult to cover them all in one post. Magic plays crucial roles in both Harry Potter and Peter Pan whereas magic in The Patriot only exists for Mel Gibson's benefit. Lucius and Tavington are played very seriously while Hook and George Darling are comedic roles, albeit with some poignant moments. Both Tavington and Hook are obsessed with the titular character, though in different ways, while Lucius only cares about Harry because Lord Voldemort does, and he only cares about Lord Voldemort because he believes in his beliefs.

The question I want to get into, before the lengthier, meatier one in a future post, is the most subjective and most fun: who's the worst?

If we judge these villains by their actions, the top spot has to go to Colonel Kidkiller himself. Being the main villain in an R-rated war drama gives Tavington opportunities for violence Lucius and Hook can only dream of. But while Tavington is the only character of the three to actually kill children as he wants to, the number is quite small in comparison to the adults he kills. Hook shows very little interest in killing children who are not Peter Pan himself, and not unlike Tavington, all his threatening of children has the goal of catching their "father."

Like Hook, Lucius does not kill any children, but that is not owing to any lack of will. Of the eight Harry Potter movies, only four are rated PG-13, and those involve the deaths or torture of children, most of which happen off-screen. Since children are the main characters in this series, their deaths are rare and taken seriously, and Lucius is a minor villain in comparison to Lord Voldemort. However, If we judge Isaacs' villains by their intentions, Lucius takes the prize. If he had his way, he would be responsible for the deaths of far more children than Tavington.

The only movie in which Lucius even approximates being the main villain is 2002's Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, and he makes the most of it. One thing he and Tavington have in common is that they are both excellent actors. After Voldemort's return in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (2005), Lucius tells him, "The face I am forced to wear every day, that is my true mask." This is apparent during a scene in Hagrid's house where Lucius feigns concern about students. "What with all these attacks there will hardly be any muggle-borns left at Hogwarts. One can only imagine what a terrible loss that would be to the school." As he speaks, he turns his back on the other men in this scene and a gleeful smirk appears on his face that bears a strong resemblance to Tavington's when he tells Benjamin Martin "It's an ugly business doing one's duty, but just occasionally, it's a real pleasure." Both of these scenes are performances, but while Tavington is trying to goad Martin into attacking him by referencing his murder of his son, Lucius turns because his mask is slipping, and he wants his sympathy to appear genuine. The irony behind his words is only apparent to the audience (and to Harry and Ron hidden under the invisibility cloak.)

Ultimately, Tavington and Lucius have very different motivations. When Tavington kills Thomas Martin, there is none of the wicked glee with which he talks about it later. When he kills other Patriot children, it is as a means of stopping the militia and, eventually, winning the war and obtaining the land General Cornwallis has promised him. Lucius, meanwhile, has wealth and power already. He emerged from having supporting Voldemort before his first defeat virtually unscathed, and yet he risks everything to support him again for the sake of pureblood supremacy. Tavington sees the deaths of Patriot children as a means to an end; for Lucius, the deaths of muggle-borns, including children, are an end in themselves.

[hellzabeth]

i have opinions about The Prince of Egypt musical adaption and you’re going to listen to them: An Essay

So, quick disclaimer: The Prince of Egypt is one of my favourite movies of all time. The casting, the music, the animation, I think it’s one of the top-tier movies that have ever been made. I went into seeing the London West End production of PoE with a full expectation that nothing I saw on stage would ever live up to how much I love the movie. I was fully aware there are plenty of limitations to what can be shown live on a stage with human actors and props.

That being said, I was enormously disappointed with how the whole thing was handled.

The Good

Now before I launch into a whole tirade of what I didn’t like about the production, it does behoove me to say what I think they did do well. 


The casting of the role of Moses was done fantastically, as was Miriam, Tzipporah, and Yocheved. The swings and the ensemble were really engaged and well placed, going through lots of quick changes to go from Hebrews to Egyptians to Midianites and back.


The two Egyptian queens, wifes of Seti and Ramses, are actually given names, lines, and character beyond being simply tacked onto their respective kings. We get to see how they feel about the events happening around them, and there’s even a scene where Ramses meets his wife and courts her, whereas in the movie, she stands in the background and says nothing. This is one of the areas I was hoping the musical, which would naturally have a longer run-time, would expand on, and I was pleased to see the opportunity was taken.

Light projections on enormous curtains were used to very good effect, taking us instantly inside the walls of the palace and then out to the desert. 


Over all, the work was really put in to be engaging and emotional, and the orchestra really worked to deliver the right musical beats.


One of two stand out scenes as being done very well was the opening “Deliver Us”, which included a bone-chilling moment of Egyptians separating a mother and her baby, with her screams as she’s dragged off-stage, and the blood on the guard’s sword. It really brings home the fear as Yocheved tries to lead Aaron and Miriam to the river with her, not to mention Yocheved’s actress nailed the lullaby. 


The second was at the other end of the show, “When You Believe” was beautifully performed by the whole cast, though it was somewhat stunted by what came before...

The Bad

Oh boy.

So the main problem with this show is not the music, not the staging, not even that sometimes the ensemble was a little off-beat (the lai-lai-lai section in Though Heaven’s Eyes comes to mind). Any mistakes there can all be forgiven, since sometimes things just happen in live performance, someone’s a bit off or something’s just not possible to do on the budget allotted. 


The problem is in the script.

The Prince of Egypt movie is a story that stands not only on the shoulders of its fantastic music and visuals, but also on its emotive retelling and portrayal of the characters within - mainly Moses and Ramses. And while the stage musical does spend a lot of time with the two mains, it neglects two other, incredibly important characters.

Pharaoh Seti, and God. 


In the movie, Seti strikes an intimidating figure. He is old, hardened, and wise in the ways of ruling his kingdom - and is voiced by Patrick Stewart, who brings his A-game to the role. Both Moses and Ramses admire him and look up to him immensely as young men, and the relationship he has with both of them deeply informs their characters as the story progresses. It’s from Seti that Moses learns that taking responsibility for your actions is the respectable thing to do (and later, the true horror of having your idol turn out to be not what you think), and it’s from Seti that Ramses takes a huge inferiority complex.

There are two lines that Seti gets in the movie, one spoken to Moses, and one to Ramses. These two lines define Moses and Ramses’ actions later on in the story:

To Ramses - “One weak link can break the chain of a mighty dynasty!” To Moses - “Oh my son... they were only slaves.”

Guess which two lines are absent from the musical?

One Weak Link is turned into an upbeat song, rather than shouted at a terrified and cowed young Ramses. Instead of being openly a traumatic, internalised moment of negative character development for Ramses, it’s treated as a general philosophy that Seti passes down to his son. Instead of a judgement that is hung over Ramses’ head like a sword of Damocles, lingering in his mind through the whole story and coming up in a shouted argument with Moses later, it’s said and then moved on from. 


The “they were only slaves” comment, on the other hand, is absent entirely. This changes Moses’ relationship with Seti enormously, as well as his relationship with the Hebrew people. Upon finding the mural depicting the killing of the slave children, Moses is appropriately horrified, and Seti shows up to comfort him and defend his terrible actions. Moses leaves this interaction... and then sings about how this is indeed all he ever wanted! He has no moment of horrific realisation that his father thinks of the slaves as lesser, as lives that can be thrown away. This means that the scene where he kills the guard doesn’t lead into a discussion of morality with Ramses as he runs away, but rather Moses breaking down about his heritage as though it’s a negative, instead of something he’s realised is just as valuable as his life as an Egyptian. Instead of Moses being shown as having a strong moral core that protests against the idea of any life being lesser, he bemoans his Hebrew blood loudly, and makes little mention of the man he killed. His issue that causes him to run away is being adopted, rather than his guilt that he’s a murderer, and nothing Ramses can say will change it.

Later on, we don’t see Ramses express this opinion either (in the movie - M:”Seti’s hands bore the blood of thousands of children!” R:“Hah, slaves!” M:“My people!”) so it seems the core reasoning for the necessity of the extremes God had to go to in order to convince Ramses to let the Hebrews go is completely gone.

Which leads us into God Himself, as a character. 


God is a tricky topic in general. He is hard to talk about as a concept and as a character, and even harder to depict in a way that won’t offend someone. The Prince of Egypt movie always struck me as a very good depiction of the Old Testament God - vengeful and strong-willed, commanding and yet nurturing, capable of great mercy and great cruelty in one fell swoop. God is incredibly present in the story, a character in and of Himself, speaking with Moses rather than simply commanding him. The conversation at the Burning Bush is bone-chillingly beautiful. Moses is allowed to question, he’s allowed to enquire, he’s allowed to express how he feels about God’s choice, and God is given the chance to respond (and reprimand, and comfort).

In the musical, the Burning Bush scene lasts all of two minutes, during which God (the ensemble cast, acting as one moving flame, speaking in unison) monologues to Moses, and Moses is not given room to question, talk to, or build a relationship with God. Later on, once some of the plagues have gotten underway, Moses rails against God, flinches in his resolve, and tries to back out... and God says nothing. It’s Miriam and the spirit of Yocheved that convince Moses to keep going. As a character, God is nearly absent. Even when it comes to calling upon the Plagues, or parting the Red Sea, God’s voice is absent. Moses does not pray. He does not even use the staff that God encouraged him to pick up as a symbol of his becoming a shepherd of the Hebrews out of Egypt. 


It’s these little changes, these little absences of such vital lines and presences, that ends up changing the whole vibe of the show. Seti is more like a dad than an emotionally distant authority figure, and God is more like an emotionally distant authority figure than a character at all. Ultimately, the whole feeling that one is left with at the end…

The Ugly

… is that the script doesn’t like God, or religion in general.

A bold statement to make, considering the source material is one of the central biblical stories in EVERY Abrahamic religion. Moses as a figure is considered so important and close to god, that The Prince of Egypt, even with its sensitive portrayal, cannot be aired in a number of Islamic states, because it’s considered disrespectful to depict any of the prophets, especially an important one like Moses. Moses is arguably the MOST important prophet in the Jewish canon.

However, I haven’t highlighted one of the most noticeable script changes - the elevation of Hotep, the high priest, to main antagonist.

In the original movie, Hotep is a secondary villain, a crony to the Pharaohs, bumbling and snide and two-faced. He and his fellow priest Hoy are there primarily to juxtapose how charlatans can control power through flattery and slight of hand, reassuring Ramses that Moses’ miracles are merely magic the same as what they can do. They even get a whole villain song, “Playing With The Big Boys” which is a lovely deconstruction of lyrics vs visuals, where while the priests boast that their gods and magic are much more powerful, in the background the staff, transformed into a snake by god, devours and defeats the priests’ snake handily. The takeaway from the song is that God’s power is true, and doesn’t need theatrics.

It’s a good little nugget of wordless world building. And it is completely absent from the stage musical, with only a vague reference to the chant of all the gods names.

Hoy is gone, and Hotep is the only priest. He actively speaks out against the Pharaoh, boasts about having all the power, and is played as bombastic and proud. He’s a wildly different character, even threatening Ramses at one point. In the end, it’s shown that Ramses won’t let the Hebrews go not because he has inherited his father Seti’s cruel attitude towards the lives he considers beneath him, but because he is being actively bullied by the priest, and will lose his power and credibility if he doesn’t do as he’s told. Ramses is even given a whole song about how little power he really has. The script desperately wants us to feel sorry for Ramses’ position and hate the unrepentantly, cartoonishly evil priest.

That’s another matter as well - a LOT of time is dedicated to making the Egyptians more human and sympathetic, portraying them as largely ignorant of the suffering beneath them, rather than actively participating in slavery. Characters speak out of turn without regard for formality and class, even to the royal family. They are casual, chummy even. And this would be fine - in fact, it’s good to have that sort of third dimension to characters, even ones who are doing reprehensible things, to show the total normalcy and banality of evil - if it were not for the fact they still include a completely open-and-shut case of evil right next to them.

Hotep has no redeeming features. And on the other side, God is barely present, certainly not in a relatable context. Moses has several lines about how cruel and unnecessary God’s plagues are - and you know what, in this version, they are unnecessary! Ramses is not the stone-hearted ruler that his movie counterpart is, he has no baggage over being a potential failure, because it was never really given to him in the same way! By taking away Ramses’ threatening nature, numbers like the Plagues lose half their appeal, as the back-and-forth ‘you who I called brother’ lines between Moses and Ramses are completely absent. Moses is faithless, and is less torn between the horror of what he’s doing and the necessity of it for the freedom of his people, and more left scrabbling for meaning that he doesn’t find. And the only thing hanging over Ramses is Hotep nit-picking everything he does and threatening him, which is considerably less compelling than the script seems to think it is.

This is best exemplified at the end, when all the issues come to a head. The angel of Death comes and takes the Egyptian first borns (which was actually a well done scene), and the Hebrews leave to a rousing rendition of When You Believe. But then we cut to Ramses and Hotep, with Hotep openly threatening to revolt against the Pharaoh - whom was believed, especially by the priesthood, to be a living god! Hotep is so devoid of redeeming features he cannot even be trusted to stand by his beliefs! - unless Ramses agrees to chase after the Hebrews. Reluctantly, Ramses is badgered into the attempt.

Back with the Hebrews, Moses parts the Red Sea… not with his faith, not by praying to God for another miracle, not even by using his staff as in the most famous scene of the movie… but by holding out his hand and demanding the ‘magic’ work. Setting aside the disrespect of Abrahamic religions to call one of the most famous miracles “magic” (and my oh my, if there was a fundamentalist of any religion in the audience they might have gasped to hear it), it again belittles the work of God, and puts all the onus on Moses, not as a conduit for God’s work, but as the worker himself. Then, the Egyptians arrive in pursuit, lead by Hotep, not Ramses. Moses sends the Hebrews through first, lead by Miriam, and stays behind with Tzipporah… to offer his life in penance to Ramses! The script has completely stripped both Ramses and Moses of their convictions towards their causes, and Moses cannot even stand by his decision to lead his people.

Then, in a moment of jarring melodrama, Moses has a sudden vision that Ramses, his brother, will one day be called Ramses the Great (an actual historical Pharaoh who reigned 1279-1213 BCE). There is no historical evidence that this was the Ramses that ruled over the Hebrews (there are 11 Pharaohs called Ramses through the history of Ancient Egypt), and maybe if the scene was acted a little better, it wouldn’t have been so sudden or jarring. Even more jarring, is that then Hotep arrives with the rest of the army, and Ramses refuses to lead the charge into the parted sea. Hotep does so himself, and is the one to have the final dramatic moment, being crushed under the water.

The Takeaway

After watching the show, I’m afraid I could never recommend it as either a play, an adaption, or even as a faithful retelling of a bible story. Its character drama isn’t compelling enough to be good as a standalone play, with it two main characters declawed and their core motivations reduced to a squabble between brothers rather than a grand interplay between two cultures and ideas and trauma handed down from their father. As an adaption of the movie it’s upsettingly bad, with grand numbers like the Plagues rendered piecemeal and fan favourites like Playing With The Big Boys missing entirely. As a retelling of the bible story, it’s insulting, completely cutting God out of the equation, taking no opportunity to reintroduce Aaron as an important character (which he was, in the bible, as Moses was a notoriously bad public speaker, with a stutter, and Aaron often interpreted for him) and more importantly, completely erasing God’s influence from the narrative.

I don’t know who this show was… for, in that case. If it wasn’t for drama lovers, movie fans, or people of the faith, then who the hell was it for? Why change such a critically acclaimed and well-beloved story? Why take away all these defining moments? If you wanted to tell a story about how religion is the true evil, how God can command people to do terrible things, and how those who uphold organised religion like Hotep are unrepentant, one-dimensional monsters… why would you tell that through the Prince of Egypt?

Underwhelming at best, infuriating at worst… just watch the movie. Or read Exodus. At least the Bible’s free.

[laufire]

Supernatural s3

It’s so unfair that the season that has Ruby AND Bela is so short :(((. I was done with it waaaay too quickly, and now I’m speed running through s4 xD (which, like the first time around, is Strong Mixed Feelings territory).

-My girl Ruby!!!! I was so happy to have her back, I kept grinning like a loon every time she was on screen. It’s quite interesting watching the 1.0 and 2.0 versions so close to each other, instead of as they air. I have... Thoughts, on whether Ruby as a double agent was something planned or that they decided as they went, but that’s for the s4 post. s3!Ruby really doesn’t come across as one (“I don’t believe in the devil” oh I wish sometimes xD, I love my nonbelievers), imo, but the beauty of such a device is that you can rationalize anything she does as devious if you want to xD

And it goes without saying that I love her interactions with Sam. THIS SHIP ISTG. I love how immediately ~attuned to her he is lol, his present and instinctive concern for her even if he tries to mask his interest as “practical”. And all the repeated times Sam’s conflicted between her and Dean -like when he deviates Dean shot (wasting one of the Colt’s bullets lmfao) or during the argument about the virgin sacrifice xD. And the “that’s my boy”/ “little fallen angel on your shoulder” quotes!!! Ruby 1.0 deserved to be railed by Sam too, smh.

My favourite episode of hers is “Jus in Bello” (which would be my fave of the season just by virtue of having both Bela and Ruby in the same episode lol. Not interacting, of course, the world as we know it wouldn’t have survived). I just love that she gets that final moment of I TOLD YOU SO to the brothers xD. I really like how she expands on the demonic lore of the show- I love, LOVE the detail about how all demons used to be humans, how they’re souls corrupted in hell. And that in her past life she was a witch (there was this really good fic in Spanish fandom about it... I need to hunt it down).

BTW, though I think her interactions with Dean in that episode are interesting, it really hammers home how much I hate him sometimes xD. Can you stop saying misogynistic slurs for TWO GODDAMN MINUTES, DEAN (and as we know from as early as this season, only HE can have demon/monster friends!! What a fucking hypocrite xD). I freaking love the moment in the finale when she viciously yells him about how she wishes she could see him in hell lmao (and how it foreshadows that when she shows sympathy later, it’s actually Lilith in disguise lmfao). I hate Dean gets the last word in their dynamic, tbqh. Until the s15 cameo, at least xDD

One thing that’s been bothering me xD: the French fries. Demons are vulnerable to salt, like other spirits, right? (and hey, look what a nice piece of foreshadowing that was). How does that translate to food lol. Because Ruby adores French fries, and they obviously contain salt. It’s like spicy food for humans? Or like pineapple? Inquiring minds etc. xD

-I still cannot believe Bela Talbot was only on the show for six episodes lmao. Her presence still lingers in the watchers’ heads so much?? Which is understandable because she’s Lead Girl Material if there was ever any lol. The care with which they styled her even?? You don’t do that for just any character lmao (I mean, just look at most of SPN’s female characters for comparison xD).

Her ship with Dean could’ve really been something, too -even if I hate Dean in it, I can’t deny it packs a punch, narrative-wise. I mean, the Batcat undertones alone!! The fake married undercover shenanigans!! And I think it’s really interesting that she’s such a blind spot for him; Dean’s unusually intuitive about people, but with Bela he takes everything at face value and she can fool him like no other (while, OTOH, is Sam who questions her facade and wants to see more). If he hadn’t been such an idiot (and such an asshole) he could’ve had a really powerful ship. Sucks to be him lol.

Anyway. Man, I love her. So much. I love how Gordon’s threats to kill her don’t work on her, and I love that the show basically said “Bela killing her abusive parents is good, actually” (I’m so tired of forgiveness narratives, you guys. This entire show is founded on revenge, so let me get my revenge fantasies in peace!!) xDD. And I love, LOVE that she withheld that truth from Dean, that she decided he wasn’t worth it. OTOH, you know, fuck the fans that got her written out, definitely; but on the other, I do love how her story ended (and that it was a clear "fuck you" to shitty fans). Doesn’t stop me for wanting to read and re-read (and maybe write!) even more “Bela escapes hell” fix-its, but still.

Also, very important question: what happened to her cat?? It’s the cat alright?? I’m going to headcanon that she left them with that cougar friend of hers lol.

-So. THE DEAL. Okay. Oof. I love this storyline, a lot. A loooot. I love the conflict it creates between the brothers (as long as there’s still conflict and Sam hasn’t yet started taking everything lying down I can enjoy that part of their narrative lol). I love Dean’s initial forced giddiness about “making the most out of his last year” and I love the moment Dean decides he does want to try to live because it makes the last few episodes all the most desperate and cruel (and hey, I’ve heard he only went to hell because the season was cut short due to a writers’ strike... if that’s true that’s so funny lmao).

My absolutely favourite part however? That you can FEEL Dean’s unvoiced resentment towards Sam. For Dean having to die for him, even if Sam never asked him to. He lashes out to Sam repeatedly through the season, but it really came to ahead in the dreamspace episode, where Dean confronts another version of himself that talks about how Sam was “dotted on” (the revisionism asldfkaf). This show is absolutely ruthless when it comes to showing you its characters’ ugly, unfair reactions to things and it’s my favourite thing evah.

Speaking of the dreamspace episode, OMFG. I loved both brothers there. Dean’s hallucination, seeing himself as a demon? And how he let out his anger about John?? Beautiful, truly (regarding John, I also loved their different reactions when it looked like his spirit had contacted them: Dean jumping on it and Sam detached skepticism). But my favourite part has to be when Sam uses the villain’s abusive father against him. Like. Damn. That was cold-blooded o.0

The second-to-last episode, when Sam tracked down that Frankenstein doctor to try and make Dean immortal was ABSOLUTELY HORRIFYING OMG. I loved that. I love that Sam wanted to use it for both them. It was some scary shit. I also love the scene where the crossroads demon questions whether Sam really wants to break the deal, I’m gathering it’s going to be nice foreshadowing later on in the show lol.

Anyway. I also found Dean’s death scene more impactful than Sam’s. Partially because of the horror of it, but mostly because I think at this type of scenes, Padalecki is better. Sam’s grief felt more real, Dean’s got me out of the scene (it’s the voice, I think. Sometimes Ackles’ voice takes me out of scenes, it sounds... forced).

I also really enjoyed how the time loop episode wrapped around this subplot. It managed to be both heartbreaking and mind-numbly hilarious lmfao. Like?? All the deaths?? Were so pathetic?? I tip my hat to Ackles because I don’t think most actors could carry plots like this half as well lmfao.

Sidenote, it’s always a trip to see The Trickster God knowing that fucker is Gabriel. Archangel “hey Mary do you accept God knocking you up” Gabriel. Which I guess isn’t exactly a thing in this show?? Since according to the wikia SPN Jesus was “just a man” (and let me tell you, I’m tickled pink by the fact that out of ALL mythological figures, specifically all CHRISTIAN mythological figures, the show decided to go “nah” on Jesus Christ. I mean, I guess he’d take away from Dean’s, Sam’s and Castiel’s resurrection narratives, but still. It’s so funny!!).

-Gordon Walker remains a superbly acted and fascinating character with extra racist nonsense alsdkfjasdf. But I can’t deny I loved seeing him as a vampire. He was terrifying. And I’m definitely shipping him with Kubrick, ouch xD

-The Ghostfacers episode is... something. As in, incredibly exploitative and homophobic and with an egregious case of BYG (and the first where I’d say it’s incontestable to claim the trope was used. s1 and s2 are muddy territory given the circumstances, IMO, but this one is 300% BYG), but so successfully manipulative my heart hurt for Corbett and Corbett x Ed still. Fuck them for that ngl. I do still enjoy how anti-Winchesters they all are though xD

-3x01 introduces the one nice marriage of hunters so far, between a black couple. The man dies in a gross, horrifying way within the episode ofc (because he was Mean to the the brothers duh). She makes it out alive, and since she doesn’t reappear in the show she gets to live. So for now black women have a sliiiiiightly better track record in SPN than track guys there: they get to appear in a few more episodes and be more fleshed out (Victor, Gordon), but as long as they’re only in one episode they get to live!! (Cassie, Tamara).

-Rufus and Bobby are exes, right? Right?? Probably still married in some state? You know that post about how when gay marriage was legalized across the USA there were a lot of issues because some couples had split and never bothered to divorce, since it was only legal in one place? That post was made for them. Pity Rufus is a black man, and as such has a limited number of allowed appearances before he’s killed off ¬¬

-I would’ve enjoyed Dean’s moments with Lisa and Ben more (it’s just so RIGHT that in this moment he’d want Ben to be his) if my knowledge of future spoilers didn’t perpetually have me in a state of “pls keep this guy away from kids” lol.

-They had Harmony’s actress (BTVS) and they made her a vampire!! The show’s hard on for the Buffyverse is a bit of a hit and miss but I can’t say I don’t relate xDD.

-I know Jensen Ackles can sing (in fact thanks to youtube I know a few of the actors can... is there a musical episode. Does this show have its own OMWF. I need to know). So why. WHY. Does he sound like that during “Dead or Alive”??? I actually like the scene but he sounds so off-key lmao.

-BTW, I found out that apparently Katie Cassidy and Lauren Cohan originally auditioned for each other’s roles añslkdfjasf. I can’t picture it. Ruby 1.0 is Ruby 1.0 and Bela is Bela xD. Although I’ve seen each playing roles that could meld with the other, just. Nope. Good choice on the casting there lol.

[popcornbutterflymedia]

the teen show genre is back. that it had announced it’s grand return at such a time of deep uncertainty and unimaginable loss, especially for an entire generation of teenagers, is relief, respite, and a necessary and urgent gain. there is nothing but gratitude for this...for its intended audience and for those of us who will live vicariously through the lives of the kids, for those of us who will watch, and walk with the kids. for someone like me who longs to feel strongly about a story enough to write again.

despite my ‘desperate begging’ for the return of the youth oriented show. i did not picture this. in my defense, i did not know about this story at all. now, when i did learn the gist of the story, i did not expect much. it is, after all, a trope we’ve repeatedly seen in practically every language. in my defense, again, i would have found this show, and watched it anyway, in support of the network, probably be mildly entertained, slightly amused, and successfully distracted. and that would have been enough. i was bound to find this show, though during a deep dive into the youtube rabbit hole, chancing upon a japanese doll and an american cutie, realizing the creative team for this show is that creative team. my favorite creative team. i was sold.

i knew i was going to love this show enough to write. the question is, how? do i live tweet, take notes, and write a post for every episode, or do i live tweet take notes, listen, take notes and write one big post at the end of the series? judging by how much detail i know this team puts into a story in the form of metaphors, seeds, pay offs, connection and clues, clearly obvious in this first episode alone, this calls for an episodic post, for the peace of my own nerdy, detailed obsessed mind.

it is worth repeating that i haven’t read the book. this focuses on the series alone. no references, no comparison to its source material.

and it begins. oddly so.

first, a note on the casting: my attachment to a show is dependent on my attachment to the cast of the show. i spent the weeks and months leading up the pilot episode learning as much as i can about this refreshing cast of newbies. i’d been watching rise since it began, and so it wasn’t difficult to develop a soft spot for the five rise kids who are part of the show. as for the rest of the cast, their interviews and streams are all surprisingly impressive. i always like to say ‘walang patapon sa mga batang ito.’ none at all. they are all so special that i am in awe of how many gifted children are in one batch at one time, in time for a show like this. the teen show slot was vacant because it was waiting for these specific kids. 

everyone who was given moments on this episode made the most of their moments. episode one’s surprises were criza, who is a natural. i am just grateful naih was able to use all of criza’s kulit energy. gelo, i’ve known is funny, but it wasn’t until i saw him in character that i realized just how hysterical he is. i enjoyed his interaction with ysay, i am wondering if there is more of that. v no longer surprises. i find that she is incredibly underrated still. i love that girl. fictional life sometimes clouds my judgement, ever so slightly, but these mean girls, are the mean girls i would cheer for. i’ve just been enjoying the girls’ junket interviews so much that it is also a joy to watch them in character. aimee is spunky, sophie is incredibly poised. khloe is a joy to watch, and ash just fits in, dalia...i have never seen a girl with such strong presence and beauty since hopie. i have never enjoyed watching a local queen bee as much as i feel i would enjoy, and hate to watch kim. dalia is amusing to watch too, so there’s that. joao, you know i have always found reliable and competent. limer, i am just happy an actor like him is in a show as big as this. kaorys is my in on this show. they are favorites. i adore them. she registers well on camera, and rhys is music to my ears, and has such an animated, expressive face. i cannot wait to watch their subplot and write about them in detail. i am attached to these kids. i know they are going to be a joy to watch.

melizza, melizza deserves her own paragraph. i first paid attention to when she was answering those miss universe questions on rise, and my jaw literally dripped at how intelligent she is. that intelligence shines through in her portrayal of elle. she is self-aware, and aware of her co-stars in a scene. she is conscious of where she is in a scene. she does she is a realiable actress in that there is no fear that she will break character it doesn’t have to be her scene, but i cannot help but watch her. she isn’t a scene stealer, but she is always acting, always reacting. she gets the assignment: from speaking french to playing a nuanced mean girl whose meanness, is as she understands and plays elle, stems from fear, from being threatened. i actually love that. there is no real villain in this story, just kids navigating unfamiliar, ugly, strange feelings, with limited ways to express these feelings. melizza gets it. i said i am a melizza fan now. i mean it.

donny and belle individually: i had known of donny, watched him long enough to know him, and who his family is. since he started mostly on social media, this ate didn’t quite get the appeal. no offense, it’s just a generational thing. haha! when he started acting, he was like most greenhorns to me, appeal understandable, charming to an extent, but with still so much to learn. i missed his last acting stint before this show. i did not watch jpd.

belle is a going bulilit alum. that’s all i really need to know to trust the casting. i wasn’t a fan yet. i had no clue about the story so i did not know just how much weight the character carried, but by virtue of the fact that she’s been acting the longest out of the ensemble, i knew she knew what she would be doing. i knew the management knew what they were doing when they casted her. belle as the focal point of the story lends such an air of confidence that the story will be told well and that the necessary intimacies will be handled with care. belle’s ability to transform would make max’s arc effective. i did not watch jpd. i had heard about it.i had heard it was surprise. ‘the ending part...’ it was all too familiar: lizquen, circa 2012, must be love: ‘the ending...’

it was completely blind, complete trust.

their casting made me momentarily forget that there were multiple rounds of auditions, from which the each of the cast were carefully picked. it just seemed so random, that is, in context of say, kaori and rhys that could count kuya’s house as part of their shared history. so much of my acceptance of this new pairing depended on how much i trusted the team, and how i knew they worked. i then consumed any and all donbelle content i could find, which, at that time was painfully lacking. imagine the excitement when that first general assembly officially kicked off the hih junket, from then on, they started to grow on me. 

these are two calm, cool, collected kids, with a kulit side for sure, but they both take their sweet time. there is a formality and wide open space that was begging to be bridged with these two. there were times i would will myself to see it.  theirs isn’t an instant explosion of chemistry, but a sustained afterglow. once that was clear, the goal of sustaining this partnership for however long, how many other stories they can tell together, also became clearer.

it was the tv patrol interview by the lockers that had me sold. it was him joking that they were already married with three kids. it was the way he looked at her in that interview, the way he still does, with donbelle, it’s all the little, quiet things. i don’t know how to explain it, but if they were to jump into the emotional deep end together, i have no fear.

now, back to the beginning which i thought was strange. a recap of what i imagine is the entire first season, artistic as it may be, is one huge spoiler. i realized, this is based on a book. those who’ve read it obviously know what’s going to happen. such opening is meant to set the mood. it’s an invitation to emotionally invest. it’s safe to say, it accomplished those two goals, but i feel as though there is more to that opening. as someone who is clueless about the source material, it reassures that it doesn’t matter what we know, or don’t know, because this is less a story of ‘what?’ and more a story of ‘whys?’ and ‘hows?’this takes me back to the first general assembly when comparisons to the meteor garden, boys over flowers were brought up. i understand the comparisons, but now that the first episode has aired, i feel so strongly against it.  

this introductory montage is proof that it is not about the pieces of the story, but how the pieces are moved around to tell a story, to give us a fresh new perspective of a trope, starring stereotypical characters. the story is told in retrospect, with our lead looking back, taking all the pieces of the whole apart, rather than building the story as she goes along (which is incidentally how i like to take in stories).

the introductory montage is a device that allows a more expanded storytelling. the story is told from max’s point of view. it’s a story of how she sees things, this makes her an unreliable narrator due to her blind spots and clouded judgement. as the story goes along, the audience sees that it is not only max’s story, it is deib’s as well, and the rest of the characters’ stories, max only sees the bigger picture in retrospect. because i am such a nerd, imagine my kilig when i realize why that choice for an opening was made? i may have screamed.

notes, questions, favorite moments.

belle’s ‘sigurado,’ the first 4-5 notes of the hooked sprinkled throughout the episode.

on the road: the transition from max on the trike and deib, in his car rushing through a countryside road, if that was clean editing, i’d celebrate it...that the two people were on the same road at the same time travelling different directions is the most clever storytelling moment thus far. i love when seeds are planted and pay offs are grand. it was hardly a meet cute, but it was some intense head on collision. okay, i got it just then, the accident was a literal representation of their metaphorical colliding. it was a lot of things for her: irritation, wonder, disturbance, fascination, disruption. it was a complicated mix for him too, except clouded by the rush of having to be somewhere else other than that moment. charged. electric. spark. lightning that escaped him. (yup. more on that later).

this encounter begs the question: what was deib doing there? why was he in a rush?

the airport scene: ‘hinihintay ka na ng kapalaran mo.’ a beautiful verbal sign of things to come.

meeting daddy: it’s what uncertainty does to max that i find so disarming her fidgeting the heart shaped pendant close to her chest, summoning said heart for strength, and grace, counting on the assurance of its familiarity.

the car conversation with dad: still disarming. charming. curious. that the necklace from which hangs her heart shaped confidante was actually her dad’s gift to her mom. how heartwarming is the thought that the one thing that makes her feel close to her mom is actually from her dad who she is meeting for what i assume is the first time? i think it’s a beautiful irony.

the dinner table scene. the family dynamic it established. elle’s french, max wrestling with the chopsticks on the side.

sleepless max. her hidden vulnerability, and with whom that vulnerability finds comfort. who is babu?

max’s fist at the school entrance, and elle calling her out on it.

the cafeteria scene, and how that whole moment is the selling point of the story - brave max who does not care for the social rules of her new school standing up to the bully who happens to look the way he does. i won’t say she’s unaffected, but at that point  her view is clouded with the injustice she just witnessed, that is until they recognize each other. as a side note: ysay and lorde’s interaction made me smile.

the aftermath. max has now caught the attention of the whole school, she has caught the attention of the mean girls so much so that walking down the halls is social suicide. when aimee confronted her, (sophie did so well!) my eyes looked for elle’s eyes. there were layers upon layers of emotion there: shame, hesitation, confusion, fear, maybe anger, there was a flash of her wanting to connect too, or did i just imagine it?

the gym scene with all the boys. it’s probably my favorite...not really, but it’s the scene that gave me so much, the scene that proved to me that this is more than just a simple, one dimensional teen show. this one moment spawned so many fan theories online that i have yet to read. it’s interesting when we cross that bridge, but to me for now, it is from this point up to the debate that kind of turned the tables, and gave the story a sudden depth that’s unexpected. it made the audience pay attention to deib as well, that this is as much his story too. and on the aspect of change, in one interview (i can’t remember which one), i remember belle describing max as someone who wants to change the people around her, and through that, she is changed as well. i did not understand what she meant at that time, until this. and the debate.

the debate: i just love the debate, simply because i love words, but long-winded dialogue like that is risky especially on a show like this. i loved it. i loved the rhythm, poetry, and point of it. i love how layered it is. i loved how comfortable was delivering his lines. i did not cringe, which just means he has gotten better at this whole acting thing, and it’s always a joy to watch someone breakthrough. this moment was necessary as a springboard to the next scene, to show that the rivalry isn’t just a physical one, but a rivalry of the minds too. (i enjoyed that that was pointed out in one of the kumu lives)  this is also one of the scenes that proved what the introductory montage was trying to establish: that max is an unreliable narrator, that there are things she doesn’t see. i would say the tables have turned, and it has, but we also discovered that deib has always been the romantic, and max the realist. at that moment we know that max will be changed irrevocably. that ending took the wind out of me. that hurt, but it was thrilling too, made me excited for things to come.

 ‘love is like lightning.’ poor deib doesn’t know he has been struck by lightning, and is prone to the electricity of one. he doesn’t know it yet because of the gray sky gloom of his shattered heart.

the kiss is everything, it was shocking, kilig and all that, but in context of the story, it is more appealing more kilig to think of all the interactions that lead up to that accidental kiss, all the pent up tension in those interactions that is channeled into that meeting of lips. oh gosh! it just occurred to me, this kiss was predicated by such a verbose exchange just to prove a point, to win. it only took this kiss to shut both max and deib up. i would say there are no winners here. they are both losers to love. except. it’s still to early to call it, right?

in terms of the team up: implied as it is, this is what i mean when i say, i am unafraid for these two to go there, when necessary. there is such a safety i sense between donny and belle, in the way they care for each other. it’s beautiful.

to say that this show only promotes bullying to its young, impressionable target demographic, could not be more wrong. this show matters because it gives its characters (who are representative of today’s teen generation), complete arcs, and safe spaces for feelings no matter how ugly they are. it’s a show that allows teens to be teens, allows them to figure things out for themselves, a show that allows them to relate with one another, as they should. and the usual byproduct of emotional teens relating with one another is bullying. it’s not the best thing ever, but it is what it is. see, we can only pray and hope that the kids turn out to be good ones, but to expect kids to be perfect is out of the question. this is a work of fiction, of course there is a tinge of exaggeration. now, if you all are that bothered by the bullying, i hope there are adults watching with you. be kilig. have fun with the show, but always look deeper.

why do you think i needed three re-watches and few days for a post this long?

i am excited for the next episodes.

__

(if i think to add more, this will be edited).

[shiobookmark]

Binge watching Merlin when you’re familiar with the stories is such a weird experience. I need to vent. 

I have so many problems with the show. They mostly boil down to the fact that there’s an awful lot of character development that drags its feet for several seasons before picking up all at once, meaning characters can seem to never learn their lesson only to make huge strides in the course of an episode seemingly at random. And unfortunately, Arthur is the biggest victim of this. And the show suffers for it. I was doubtful he’d make a good Arthur at first, but mum, who’d seen the series before, assured me it was all in service of his character development. And there is a great arc struggling under there somewhere, but it’s mired down in seasons and seasons of episodic ‘monster of the week’ stuff where Arthur waffles back and forth in his ideals. I know what they’re trying to do but the effect seems more like Arthur is a weak-minded man who follows only what he believes other people think is right. He learns his lesson about this again and again and it never seems to take. The unicorn, the execution at Agravaine’s order, the ghostly child, and just recently the Disir. It’s episode 5 of the final season. There’s only eight episodes left. Yet here he is, prancing into the sacred grove with no regard for the laws and customs, every bit the arrogant jock, much like he did in season one.  It ignores his character development. Arthur knows better by now. Yet for plot reasons all that has to be thrown out the window. He’ll turn on a dime and be forthright and humble a few minutes from now- oh yes, there he goes. How is he still a creature of hindsight? Where was this wise kingly fellow an hour before? Another problem is Merlin. Early on the show really suffered from Disney morality, how Merlin couldn’t be responsible for anyone’s death. Now it suffers from protagonist-centred morality. In the later seasons Arthur just follows along with whatever Merlin thinks is best, even if he resists at first. It’s supposed to show that he’s learned to listen to others, but because he can never make a right decision first time, he ends up seeming more like Merlin’s puppet.

The most egregious example of this is this episode, where Arthur faces a dilemma and outright asks Merlin what he should do... and does it. Which then means Mordred survives and Arthur is doomed. It wasn’t really Arthur’s choice, was it? Not a product of his own beliefs and actions, it could have easily swung the other way. The choice was Merlin’s. How are we supposed to root for Arthur that way? The show’s called Merlin so I understand that it has to follow his perspective, but there are far better ways to do that. Look at the trilogy by Mary Stewart. Her Merlyn doesn’t spend as much time at Arthur’s side, but you could easily write similar stories where he does. Merlyn has his own enemies, his own goals, he loves Arthur and helps him but they are his own adventures. They’ve started calling Arthur The Once and Future King out of nowhere now and it’s weird. Why would people call him that. They have no idea he’s going to die and be destined to return. What the fuck. And it’s not that I dislike the show I actually really like it? It’s got some ‘it’s so bad it’s good’ qualities for the first two seasons but after Richard Wilson (Gaius) finally learned to act with more emotion than a wooden spoon it really picked up. There was good payoff in some bits. Morgana was a bit forced and I could have used a few less false starts with her hatred of Uther (how many times can she almost betray him?) and a bit more exploration into why she hates Arthur other than ‘he’s Uther’s son.’ She loved Arthur until her villain arc what the actual fuck And her actor is terrible but nevermind they all are I just particularly despise the smoozy style she adopts

Uther in general is great I just needed a lot less of him Arthur should have become king at the end of season 1, maybe the middle of season 2. Not season 4. Uther ends up being an annoying thorn in Arthur’s side. It’s a game of ‘what stupid shit is Uther gonna pull this episode and have they beefed up security on the dungeons yet?’ The episode where he comes back as a ghost and Arthur finally tells him where to shove it was brilliant and I loved every second of it. I was afraid it was going to be yet another ‘Arthur doubts himself and reverts to the path of a tyrant before he sees the error of his ways’ episode but it wasn’t, which was nice. They dallied around so much I only really started enjoying the show once Arthur became king. Because there were stakes. We got to see what he was made of. But the biggest problem I have with the show, is the treatment of magic. The old religion had a bit of an image problem within the show itself because other than Gaius and Merlin, no one seems to use it ‘correctly.’ And boy does that open up a can of worms.  But I was willing to roll with it. There’s been a lot more specifically Celtic stuff in later seasons which I appreciate as it certainly works better than the weird grab bag of monsters we had previously. (But what happened to Tristan after Isolde died? He just vanished once he served his narrative purpose.) It’s just as of this latest episode, Arthur is being blackmailed into bowing down before the triple goddess or else he and his kingdom will fall to ruin. And that’s... not okay. That’s the same kind of shit Uther did. It’s Might makes Right.  It’s religious oppression. ‘If you don’t do what we want then you’ll suffer.’ Arthur is supposed to be about Might for Right*. Objectively he shouldn’t stand for this shit. But because it’s the Old Religion ooooooh how mystical and shit, he has to. Because protagonist-centred morality. Why didn’t this happen to Uther? Has Arthur been continuing the executions? Has he been encouraging the hunting down of Sorcerers? We know he goes after the dangerous ones, but is his ‘outlawing’ of magic a ‘supporting them under the table’ sort of deal or is he as ruthless as Uther? We don’t know. And now that the show has committed to specifically the Triple Goddess branch of paganism rather than just vague mostly made up stuff with a Celtic ‘flavour’ it has some really nasty real world connotations. We’ve never seen benevolent magic users outside of Merlin and Gaius, or if we did they died. The Druids are sometimes around but they’re more like plot devices for when the show needs some wise and pacifistic victims. It’s really uncomfortable. They’ve just doomed Arthur by having Mordred live, because he refused to embrace magic. Or as I’d put it: Because he refused to bow to tyranny. Arthur promised to make life better for magic users and he broke that promise. Taking him to task for that is more than okay. Have the Druids do it. Have them demand recompense and then let Arthur do what he does best: Forge alliances.  We’ve seen him do this. We’ve seen him face up to the consequences of his hasty and violent actions before, we’ve seen him behave with grace and humility and turn enemies into friends. It’s what makes him a good Arthur. Instead we’ve got this crap that’s supposed to be about not defying the natural laws of the world, but because it’s specifically a religion it’s just really gross. And finally, Mordred. What even is his deal. He’s given a pisspoor reason to hate Merlin way back in season 2 or something when Merlin trips him up with a tree root to hopefully get him killed by the pursuing knights because he’s destined to kill Arthur And somehow that’s supposed to be a grudge he holds into adulthood. But grown up Mordred seems a nice fellow, he’s put all that behind him. And he’s supposed to be Arthur’s doom. This is going to be rushed as all hell isn’t it? The problem is Mordred was never given a legitimate grievance to replace the one he lost when he stopped being related to Arthur. Going the incestuous bastard baby route isn’t necessary since it’s actually a modern addition, but having Mordred be Arthur’s cousin might have worked just as well. The problem is Morgana has taken all that over. What I would do is have Mordred be Merlin’s character foil. A sweet kid who grew up with the Druids and becomes a Knight because he, like Merlin, believes he’s destined to do great things. But he makes the opposite choices to Merlin about magic. He’s open about his beliefs, hoping to find understanding and instead Arthur rejects him. He looks for support from Merlin but finds none. He swears to hurt Merlin however he can as a traitor to their kind. And the best way to do that is to kill Arthur.

Bonus rant: Lancelot is boring. I like his actor, he does the noble and handsome bit right but his character has no texture or grit to him. Give me TH White’s ugly angst muffin any day. The Lancelot/Guinevere romance subplot was lame as hell and it only really delivered when Guinevere was enchanted into having an affair with his ghost. I prefer to think there was no enchantment but gotta keep things squeaky clean. Guinevere can’t just love two people simultaneously I guess, gods dammit.

It’s Arthurian legend with all the edges sanded down smooth and a lot of pacing problems.

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Psycho Analysis: The Sanderson Sisters

(WARNING! This analysis contains SPOILERS!)

Ah, Hocus Pocus, everyone’s favorite campy Halloween cult classic. Objectively speaking, the movie is probably no better than a made-for-TV cheesy 90s Disney movie – and funnily enough, this film’s director would go on to make plenty more of those, seeing as he would do the High School Musical movies and The Descendants – as it has all the hokey writing, late 80s/early 90s cliches you’d expect, and some truly boring main characters.

But, thankfully, it has three of the most charismatic women you could imagine camping it up and firmly cementing their status as Halloween icons for all time: The Sanderson sisters, Winifred, Sarah, and Mary. These three are the reason this movie is held so near and dear to people’s hearts, and frankly, without them this movie would just plain suck. With them, it still sucks, but in a fun way, elevating it beyond “so bad it’s good” and into the realm of endearing camp alongside such masterpieces as Venom.

But enough of all this; just like when you’re watching the movie, you’re here for the girls, so let’s talk about them.

Actor: The leader of the bunch is Winifred, and she is played by Bette Midler. Bette Midler has called this her favorite role ever, and seeing how she acts in this, it really shows. A running theme with these three is that they just absolutely ham it up, and Bette Midler goes above and beyond with Winifred – she’s not just a ham, she’s the whole damn hog. In fact, in a lot of ways, she hogs the spotlight, what with her hamminess being so magnetic and the fact that she is clearly the brains of the operation. But that’s not to say the others are bad.

Sarah Jessica Parker plays… Sarah. Funny how that worked out. She is the hot and dumb one, and boy oh boy does she play that role to perfection, though of course she does manage to be creepy and sinister when the scene calls for it – that song of hers has become iconic for a reason.

Finally we come to Mary, played by none other than Peggy Hill herself, Kathy Najimy. Najimy does a great job, she plays her role well, but out of the three I feel like she has the most trouble standing out. Which isn’t to say she’s bad, far from it – she doesn’t have the bombastic personality of Winifred nor the complete ditziness of Sarah.

Here’s the thing, though: if any of these three weren’t here, or weren’t portrayed by these specific actresses, they’d fall apart, the movie would fall apart, game over man, game over! The film only works because these three have such great chemistry, such great interactions, and such great weirdness to them that if even one of them were gone or they just weren’t in synch, things would be a lot less fun.

Motivation/Goals: Like most evil witches in fiction, these three want children, specifically so that they can drain their vitality with a magic potion so that they can be young and powerful forever. This gets them hanged 300 years before the main story starts, and when they come back, they reuse this goal with a bit more urgency: they now need to drain the vitality from children before the sun rises and turns them to dust, as their resurrection is set to only last a single night otherwise. Frankly, the fact that their goal is killing and sucking the life out of children is the only thing that’s keeping the audience from rooting for them, because the actual protagonists of this film are so unremarkable and cliché that it’s pretty hard to want to see them stop the funny and charismatic witches,

Personality: Winifred is clearly the one who got all the brains, which makes sense as she is the leader. She’s a lot quicker on the uptake and realizes things more quickly than her ditzier sisters, as well as a lot more proactive and pragmatic in general. She does the spellcasting, she brews the potions, she just inhabits the role of leader naturally. It helps that of the three she has the most outwardly intimidating presence.

Mary is the middle child, and her personality is somewhere between the two sisters: she’s ditzy, but not to Sarah’s level, and she’s got some common sense and wits, but definitely not on Winifred’s level. This is kind of why I said she has a hard time sticking out personality-wise before, as she’s the epitome of the awkward middle child. However, she does excel at her role as a predatory child tracker, able to sniff out their victims with ease. It’s also implied, but not outright stated, that she’s a much bigger eater than her sisters; she is noticeably chunkier than the others, after all. And considering their diet… it’s definitely not a good idea to undersell that Mary is definitely a wicked witch.

Then we come to Sarah, who is an absolute ditz and the epitome of a dumb blonde… and yet, she is also one of the most dangerous, as she has a sort of siren-like power to draw children to her with her singing. In fact, while she does come off as a ditzy goofball for the most part, her interactions with children paint a rather… uncomfortable picture, one that reveals her true nature.

I think it’s worth noting that despite how ditzy both Mary and Sarah are, both of them also have the common sense to point out to Winifred that, when Sarah has called numerous children to their house, they really don’t need to bother with the protagonists anymore. In this moment, Winifred decides to reject common sense and go after them because one of the heroes called her ugly. It sort of highlights just how petty and irrational Winifred can be, and how despite her disdain for her sisters, she’s really not so different from them in the end. It’s also worth noting that Mary and Sarah, while clearly evil due to their association with Winifred, are actually pretty nice and mostly harmless otherwise, to the point where you could make a case that without Winifred around, they’d probably not be villains at all.

But if that were the case, we wouldn’t have a movie, and then we wouldn’t be here, huh?

Final Fate: Of course these three fail to suck out any vitality by sunrise, with Winifred’s stupid little vendetta damning her and her sisters. The rays of the sun turn Winifred to a statue and cause Sarah and Mary to explode, with Mary even getting a moment to wave goodbye in resigned sadness as she bursts into a dust cloud. After her sisters are gone, Winifred’s statue explodes spectacularly.

Best Scene: I don’t think there’s really anything that comes close to the sister’s spellbinding performance of “I Put a Spell On You,” at least in regards to all three of them together. I mean, if you get a singer like Bette Midler to star as a villain in your movie, why would you not have her sing? Only a complete hack who doesn’t know how to properly utilize actors would waste a singer in a role where they don’t sing.

The thing is, these three are together all the time, so there’s not much room for individual moments for them to shine otherwise… or there wouldn’t be, if they didn’t showcase Sarah’s absolutely terrifying power, leading her number “Come Little Children” to being her standout moment, and the moment that really drives home the incredibly uncomfortable undertones she exudes.

Best Quote: I think Winifred gets the best quote in the whole movie, which occurs when her zombified ex Billy Butcherson (played by Doug Jones, who you may remember for his critically acclaimed role as Mac Tonight in the McDonald’s ads). Billy tells her to go to hell, and she retorts with: “Oh! I've been there, thank you. I found it quite lovely.”

Sarah, of course, has her villain song: “Come little children, I'll take thee away / Into a land of enchantment / Come little children, the times come to play / Here in my garden of magic.”

And, unfortunately, in this regard I think Mary gets the shaft. Despite her definitely being funny and entertaining, she just doesn’t have the same level of standout quotes as her sisters.

Final Thoughts & Score: So as I was writing this, I was thinking of what their score could possibly be. I thought I’d probably have to lower their score, because aside from them, this movie is just corny early 90s cheese… but then I thought, what’s wrong with that? And why should these three suffer a lower score due to the rest of the movie’s failings? That isn’t their fault. Hell, these three are the reason to watch the movie. If anything, the movie’s failings are drowned out by just how charismatic and enjoyable they are to watch.

Much like their fellow child-hating hag the Grand High Witch, the Sanderson sisters are blessed with fun, funny, charismatic actors who aren’t afraid to ham things up and know just what kind of move they’re in and absolutely revel in it. They saw they were playing three stereotypical fairy tale witches and decided to have a blast with it, and in doing so they managed to transform an otherwise corny Disney film into the Halloween legend that this film is. I wouldn’t say these three are particularly deep or complex, but they have a very fun dynamic and add a lot of spice to an otherwise bland plot. Between them and Doug Jones, they give you a lot of reasons to come back and watch this film over and over.

Obviously, these three are getting a 9/10, only held back from a perfect score because yes, sometimes the camp can be a bit much, even for me. But I’m just not heterosexual enough to give these three ladies anything lower. I still have to unfortunately say Mary is the weak link here, but it’s only comparatively speaking, and I’d probably bump these three down to a 7 if she wasn’t here. I really can’t stress enough that there dynamic is so utterly important that even one of them not being there would spoil things. They just don’t make evil trios like this anymore.

[indulgnces]

hi howdy hello!! i go by jess and this is my first time playing my sweet bb girl, so i’m pumped! more about my girl audrey below the cut!

❛  ( SARAH JEFFERY )  ◈  dude, shut up ! AUDREY ROSE from DESCENDANTS is on screen. their fans swear they’re just DETERMINED & OUTGOING, but we’ve all seen their JEALOUS & STUBBORN side ! according to TRUMAN WIKIA, they’re TWENTY-ONE years old, BISEXUAL, & identify as CISFEMALE ( SHE/HER ). they’re currently a STUDENT & are RELIEVED about life in truman. luckily they have HER DIARY & HER SONGBIRD NECKLACE with them & can visit THE FAIRY COTTAGE whenever they want. penned by JESS.

sooooooooo confession: i’ve never watched a descendants movie from start to finish 😬 I know! crazy considering I’m playing a character from the movies, but like, have you guys ever seen a character and just be like wOW, that is My Type of character? cause that’s what happened with audrey. descendants 3 came out and was trending, and I checked the tag and like was 👀👀👀 to audrey to the point that I watched queen of mean and got HOOKED. caught a replay of the movie and watched all the audrey parts while skipping over the rest. since then I’ve been in love with my girl and she’s been on my mind so much that I’m returning to rp after a small break to play my girl. In preparation I skimmed through descendants 1 & 3, and adurey’s youtube short story so I’m good to GO. 

CANON LIFE

“A lifetime of plans, gone. Our family status, gone. Audrey, you were supposed to be his Queen, and you let him slip through your fingers. Your mother could hold onto a prince in her sleep.” 

daughter of sleeping beauty and prince phillip, princess audrey has been groomed since she was a child by her grandmother to become the queen of auradon. she’d been friends with prince ben since she was a child, and was expected to marry him when she got older.

grew up used to the finer things of life, and as such, audrey was a bit self-absorbed and spoiled. became the most popular girl in school due to her status and beauty. was cheer captain. finally became romantically involved with ben at some point in high school. life was going exactly as planned. 

then ben decided to invite 4 villain kids (vks) from the isle of the lost to auradon, and everything went to shit. the stark black and white, good vs. evil mentality was deeply ingrained in audrey’s psyche, so she was very much AGAINST the idea of any isle kids coming over. convinced the vks were up to no good, she never warmed up to the them, and bullied them (mostly mal) at times. and you know what? she was RIGHT

mal used a love potion to steal her boyfriend, who then humiliated audrey by serenading mal during a tourney match, where audrey was cheering at. no one gave two shits though?? or suspected foul play at all?? they just cheered and were like “ah, cool! our soon-to-be-king has suddenly declared his love for this new vk who’s only been here for a few days! how awesome and totally natural !! “

audrey was still plenty popular by the end of the movie, but her fairy godmothers decided to treat adurey to a spa trip, which turned into an extended trip that required her needing summer school bc she missed so much school (aka why she was absent for descendants 2)

by the time audrey came back in descendants 3, everyone was ALL up mal’s ass crack. ben proposed to mal in front of everyone, serenading her with the SAME song he did in the first movie when he ceremoniously proclaimed his love for mal while simultaneously dumping audrey, and everyone cheered AGAIN for their union. damn thing broke audrey’s whole ass heart. on top of that, her grandmother chastised audrey for her failures in securing ben and basically failing the family. 

she also lost her status come d3??? like, at the end of d1, she was still cool as fuck. but come d3 girl is not even being invited to her friend’s birthday parties anymore?? she has no friends?? no one gives two shits about how she must be dealing with everything? and wow does that not help things at all.

that night, in her loneliness and anger, audrey decided to steal the queen’s crown from the artifacts museum. it was a petty thing. she was hurt, and just did NOT want to see the crown she’d envisioned as her own for all her life be placed on mal’s head. she didn’t have a goal beyond taking the crown. however, when she went to the museum, maleficent’s scepter sensed audrey’s emotions and desires for revenge, and revealed itself to her. it’s glow lured audrey to it, fed into her emotions, and bing bang boom, audrey became the ultra fabulous QUEEN OF MEAN 

under the scepter's influence, she put half of auradon under a sleeping spell, the other half she turned to stone, then she made ben a beast after he rejected her, and made mal an ugly old hag. she was foiled at the end by mal, and ended up falling under a sleeping curse as a result. with no True Love’s Kiss to awaken her (rip), the heroes ended up getting Hades to use his magic to wake her up.

at the end, she apologizes for her crimes & her emotions were finally acknowledged when mal and ben stepped up and apologized for their inconsiderate past actions to audrey (wELL, they never actually apologize?? they say ‘I owe you an apology” but both don’t like actually say sorry, and that’s 100% something audrey has noticed for sure). she celebrates at the end with everyone else when the barrier is brought down and is last seen dancing with harry hook 

POST CANON

totally headcanon that she’s still not 100% happy as she’s shown in the end while dancing around okay

she’s STILL lonely!! she STILL wants those apologies!! she’s STILL lost about what to do with her future now that her whole life plan has blown up in smokes. she’s HURT okay. her friends? abandoned her! ben? abandoned her! that one hurts the most bc after spotting that pic of audrey/ben as children together, I 100% hc that they have been best buds for years before falling into a relationship. and while it’s clear ben was not really ~in love~ with audrey ( i image they ended up getting together bc it was just Expected yknow?), audrey still had feelings for ben. even if it wasn’t true love (she def wasn’t In Love tho she thought she was), she did still love ben. he was her best friend, and the fact that he never came around to apologize to her for humiliating her the way he did after the love spell broke HURT. 

also hc that she had to take a remedial goodness class following her stunt 

the ending given to her is life a brief showing of her and harry hook smiling at each other all soft like before dancing, which like, i’m game for, but in terms of her actual future, audrey was trying to figure out just how to do life moving forward following everything

TRUMAN

“Tell me it was all a bad dream.”

yeah so I said audrey was relieved about her life in truman? 100000% true!

her life was incredibly sad and lonely before, so convincing her that all that shit was all just a bad dream was an incredibly easy thing to do for the descendants actors okay (im sad for her bc of this tbh)

her life as she knows it: she still comes from a family of high status and money. not technically a princess, but she sure does act like one. believes she was born and raised in truman, but was sent to boarding school at auradon prep since she was a child, where she thrived and grew into a typical Popular Girl (head of cheer team/one of the most beautiful girls), before returning to truman after graduating. basically she believes she had the same perfect life she had before in canon, minus the vks, ben, and the whole fairy tale/royalty stuff (basically everything that ruined that perfect life).

all that other extra stuff, including going all queen of mean and losing ben and being drop kicked by literally everyone, is just POOF, fuzzy memories, bad vivid horror story nightmares! every now and then she’ll witness an engagement, or spot a serenade, and it’ll trigger an overwhelming sense of sadness, but for the most part, she’s content putting her life behind her. her new life is a much happier one. that could totally change once she starts encountering people from her past life again.

only really recognizes her family members as family members, and maybe recognizes some past auradon friends (maybe chad charming as her ex since he’s the only one who didn’t totally abandon her rip)

since “returning” to truman, she’s entered university on the island. she wasn’t sure where she was going with life, but she knew she’s always been really good at drawing and really good at event planning. so in uni, she decided to keep her artistic talents as a hobby and pursue a career in event planning. in pursuit of this, she’s a senior at college, majoring in hospitality management.

PERSONALITY

positive: determined, headstrong, outgoing, self-assured, polite, moral, dedicated 

negative: jealous, stubborn, demanding, bossy, petty, close-minded, seemingly mean (tho she doesn’t consider herself mean, okay? she just can come off as mean/rude)

CANON CONNECTIONS

ben & mal: need them both bc they are the ones who hurt her the most so i’d loooooove to play out these dynamics in truman!! they’d be the most Triggering faces for her 

jay & harry & chad & uma: underrated audrey ships i’d love to play out bc literally crumbs are given to the majority of these dynamics, and so I want to just...explore them?? three of these 4 are vks and 2 of those 3 are people audrey actively pursued in some sort of ~connection~ at the end of the movies when the Couples got together, and she did that even tho she is very Moral and has confusing feelings about vks, and i just wanna know more!! 

TRUMAN CONNECTIONS

yeah this is getting long, so I’m planning on posting a whole separate post in the truman plot tag for these wanted connections! 

and yeah! that’s everything on my girl! if you’ve made it this far, you’re the best my dudes!! I’m gonna be on mobile for a good portion of the day before coming on at night, but if you’d like to do any kind of plotting with my girl, just go ahead and hit that like button, and I’ll slide in y’alls dms! ♥

[atopearth]

Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney Part 3 - Justice for All (2nd game)

The Lost Turnabout Well, that random amnesia to set the game up again for the reader to get used to things again was...random lol. Gotta love the fake dying message that had such beautiful legible writing lol. And I guess these are one of the moments when we should thank parents for using weird and unique spellings of a name, really helps to prove that you’re not a murderer! Kinda baffled with the whole thing though, the defendant and the criminal were both so bland, and the whole case was pretty simple. But, yeah, it’s the first case to get things flowing again so I guess that’s normal! Nice to see Maya back though!~

Reunion, and Turnabout Pearl is an interesting girl…lol. I’m not sure why Mia didn’t want to reveal her aunt as an accomplice for this story, since if she doesn’t reveal it, Maya could be found guilty, especially if Phoenix isn’t able to find evidence for that. Initially, I wasn’t really sure what to think about the whole case being in the village where Maya is from and where she does her training etc, but I guess it’s nice to see her background etc. As for the case itself, although I still suck at knowing when to press statements, I’m a bit better at knowing what to present as evidence hahaha. Anyway, it was obvious that the murderer was the real Mimi who had taken her sister’s face to try and live a new life. So it was easy to know the motives etc, and how she hid in the box behind the screen etc, I guess I was mostly in a bit of a bind in terms of how the murder happened and the reason for the gunshots haha. Otherwise, that was a pretty average case, mostly because I think the witnesses and murderer this time around wasn’t very interesting. Lmao at the daughter von Karma whipping everyone she hates and then whipping Phoenix until he was unconscious when she lost lmao. Hopefully the next case is more interesting~ and I wonder what happened to Edgeworth?

Turnabout Big Top Max…is an interesting character. He looks cool, but dang does he look silly when he reverts to being a country bumpkin lolll. And…I establish that no one in this circus seems normal. Not sure about that daughter of the victim, she looks like she barely cared that her father just got murdered… Great to know that she’s sheltered and so knows nothing about outside of this circus, but dang lmao, she seems to like the puppet more than Max hahahaha. And did Franziska upgrade her whip? It looks different lol. So…Acro has a brother called Bat (loll) who is in a coma after getting bitten on the head by the lion…and this lion got shot by the Ringmaster after it happened… Hmmmm. Oh…Acro is in a wheelchair because he tried to save his brother from the lion… And Bat did what he did because he made a dare with Regina, that if he could do the same thing as her (put his head in the lion’s mouth), she would go on a date with him… How saddening yet ridiculous.

Lmao when Acro comes to court as a witness, and when Phoenix claims that he’s actually the culprit, one of the birds that flies around Acro pecks Phoenix on the head as a background thing lolll. Anyway, once we did more investigations, it was obvious that Acro was the murderer and that his aim was Regina. However, I just feel that the villains this time around in this game have rather dubious motives. I guess it was kinda cool how the “murderer who flew away” came about with the stone bust being pulled up when the coat etc accidentally caught on to it, I just think everything that occurred was still rather anticlimactic though and lacked impact this time around so I couldn’t really like it tbh.. It didn’t help that I didn’t like any of the witnesses lolll. It was understandable how things happened, but at the same time, it wasn’t a very interesting case tbh.

Farewell, my Turnabout Lmao at the Steel Samurai becoming the Nickel Samurai, this show is never gonna end, is it? Omggg Lotta again? Gotta admit, she’s not my favourite witness so seeing her twice in one game kinda kills me lol. On the other hand, I like Wendy Oldbag but she can get rather overbearing lol, so this pairing kills me. When they talked about how the manager Adrian Andrews might be the killer since the ninja actor supposedly hid her mentor’s suicide note, and since she attempted suicide because of how reliant and dependent she was on her mentor when it came to living, I guess it is possible. But I think what hit me the most was when they talked about her “dependent nature”, where she basically always needed someone important enough to her so that she would have a reason to continue living. To an extent, I can kinda relate to that, tbh, although I’m not as extreme as her, sometimes I do feel that if I lost my siblings, I don’t think I’d ever be able to pick myself up.

Anyway, since Edgeworth is back, it was expected that something would happen to Franziska to prevent her from being the prosecutor. It took a while but I’m glad to see Edgeworth and Phoenix in court together. Omggg, Engarde just turned ugly when he revealed his true self!! He was such a pretty boy too, sigh! It’s really interesting to think about the idea that Phoenix’s client is actually guilty for once. He got an assassin to kill Corrida, and Andrews got wrapped up in this when she decided to “frame” Engarde for it. But I think Celeste (Andrews mentor who committed suicide) was the most innocent victim of all this. She first “dated” Engarde back then but was thrown away, and when she thought she could have a happy marriage with Corrida, Engarde decides to tell the guy that they used to be together, so then Corrida called off the marriage, and that led her to commit suicide. But I think the most saddening thing was that even though she committed suicide, none of these guys she so loved were unhappy, instead they were still consumed in their stupid rivalry, where Corrida wanted to use the suicide note she left to show the world Engarde’s true self. It’s so saddening to think of her life just amounting to them as something like that.

It’s interesting that the last case aims at delaying the trial to save Maya since they already know Engarde is guilty, but at the same time, it’s kinda boring? It doesn’t have the same feel as the other cases where you can reveal more and more pieces of the puzzle on what actually happened, and instead focuses on how they can use everything they can to delay the verdict. Which is…quite questionable tbh. Lmaoo at Shelly De Killer (the assassin) being a witness hahahah, and it was so funny when Phoenix presses on one of his statements and asks what’s his fee, and the judge thinks Phoenix wants to kill him lmaooo. Gotta love it when Shelly gets flustered and the transceiver starts leaking oil or whatever lolll. Anyway, I knew that they’d use the fact that Engarde recorded the murder to blackmail Shelly in order to get the latter to turn against his client since he’s so hung up on the trust factor between clients. I mean, you’ve gotta admire Shelley’s work ethic! Lol.

Anyway, I didn’t like the last case in terms of story and how it played out. I think I much prefer the usual Phoenix uncovering the truth bit by bit without really knowing who the culprit is and how they did it until later, against this Engarde case that was just..such compiled with a crappy villain with crappy motives, he was basically a bad villain with no depth. I liked it that they established that both the prosecution and defence work for the truth. But at the same time, I have to say, I don’t feel like the last case really portrayed what it means to be the defence and the prosecution. I had more expectations on how it would be better handled in terms of having a “guilty” defendant as well, but yeah… Oh well. At least everyone is happy and Franziska might be a bit more like the current Edgeworth and not be so hung up on winning all the time.

Overall, I’d say Justice for All was a pretty lacklustre sequel. It rides on a lot of old characters from the previous game, which can be pretty cool, but I think just like how Powers introduces himself as an underpaid action star (LOL), this sequel was underwhelming to say the least. But I guess the biggest problem were just the stories themselves, they just weren’t very interesting, and the way things happened either felt rather cliche or just kinda over the top in a bit of a ridiculous way, whereas in the previous game, it felt like the cases and how they went about it made more sense and was done better. Also, I think Franziska wasn’t a very “fun” prosecutor either, like, I just don’t think she meshed well with Phoenix. Like, when it came to Edgeworth and von Karma, they both were unique enough that they bring a different sort of bantering and connection with Phoenix in court, whereas Franziska is basically just a whipping monster lol. Anyway, hopefully the next game will be better!

[shewasanamericangirl]

kamen rider super-1 review

i’m sure you’ve all heard of the “joe odagiri effect”, named for the protagonist of 2000′s kamen rider kuuga. well, just because the term got its name from a heisei rider doesn’t mean it wasn’t something toei was well aware of and banking on as early as 20 years before.

not only did super-1′s face actor shunsuke takasugi get plenty of fanservicey footage and female attention, he achieved infamy in 2013 for scamming his fangirls out of millions of yen under false pretenses. that right there is the power of kamen rider sex appeal--as well as a truly disgusting case of a tokusatsu hero who failed to learn the moral lessons of tokusatsu, and indeed, who lived long enough to become a real-life villain.

now that the ugly part is out of the way, let’s talk about the show itself.

i really want to be positive about this but man, super-1 didn’t age well. obviously 1980 didn’t have anything like the super shiny visual effects we’re spoiled with by modern tokusatsu series, but super-1 was pretty recognizably low-budget and not all that well written either.

plot: the premise, while kind of goofy, endearingly brings to mind the kind of story idea an excited small child would come up with (not a bad thing!). kazuya oki, an orphan brought up in a high-tech american science lab, volunteers to be the test subject for their project to develop a cyborg kamen rider specialized for space exploration. not long after his body is remodeled, however, a monster and a bunch of androids attack and destroy the lab. unable to transform into his rider form without the help of the lab’s equipment, kazuya does the logical thing and travels to japan to spend six months training as a shaolin monk. but hey, it works! then kazuya goes to hang out at a motorcycle shop run by tani, a man who apparently knew his parents. i found it interesting that kazuya volunteered to receive his abilities, and that he had to train to develop the ability to transform.

...and from then on out, it’s monster of the week. the first half of super-1 has a special focus on martial arts, while the second goes more into introducing new ally characters who do detective work to help out super-1. a couple times the first half attempts heartfelt plotlines and relatable villains, but they all end the same way: with the obligatory flying kick and explosion. episode 22 stood out as having a decent emotional plot, at least. the second half of the series, on the other hand, distinguishes itself more with its absurd monsters and inter-villain drama, and its most memorable episodes are the ones featuring monsters and gambits too silly to forget.

characters: yknow, in the first half of super-1, i actually got attached to the silly-looking robot mooks more than anything else; i liked the bwooping noises the dogma fighters made, and the hilariously casual robot gore and dummy-based violence they suffered each episode.

however, that’s, um...in absence of any really engaging characters. kazuya’s bland. his monk buddies are generic. the rest are either comic relief or just more blandness. in the second half, the junior rider squad (an amateur detective club of super-1 fans) forms, and super-1 faces off against the new villainous group, jin dogma...which has nothing to do with the original dogma other than having reprogrammed their mooks. jin dogma has a bit of saucy infighting that reminded me of the vyram from choujin sentai jetman, but if you want fun villains with drama, jetman and toQger do it better.

honestly, masaru from the junior rider squad is the only motherfucker on this whole show who can handle me. poor little dude is smarter than he looks, but generally just gets picked on by the rest of the kids. can be hilariously deadpan at times. i’m tickled by the thought that this widdle baby here must be like in his mid-40′s by now.

music: the opening theme is a catchy and fun earworm. the ending themes are okay. insert songs, no big deal. incidentals, hit and miss.

choreography: some of it’s good, some of it’s awful. the more realistic martial arts techniques are cool, and some of the goofy weapons used in the second half are fun. (the episode where most of the fighting involves ladders was awesome!) super-1′s bouncing and midair twirling before he kicks...rule of cool i guess? most lulzily awkward is the many instances of obvious dolls getting the shit beaten out of them. super-1 does not look strong for beating up what’s effectively a man-sized sock monkey...more suit actors/stuntmen must’ve been outside budget constraints.

visuals: the main reason i chose super-1 to watch was that his suit looked cool. it does! but most other costumes are pretty miserable--especially with the preponderance of dogma/jin dogma monsters who only have distinguishing features on the top half of their bodies and just wear plain tights and boots on the bottom half. at least harumi and masako, the designated cute girls of the series, get some cute clothing to wear, and the fit of kazuya’s pants tends to be, um, flattering.

visual effects are pretty lame. i really don’t know enough about this stuff to tell how much of that is because it was 1980 and how much is because this show was made on the cheap.

all told, i’m not recommending super-1. i’m sure it was great to watch way back when as a japanese kid in 1980 with not much else on tv, but anyone watching it now is going to have a wide selection of past tokusatsu series to choose from, and super-1 just doesn’t have anything that other series haven’t done better. i’m glad i watched, though, because i really wanted (and still want) to learn more of what showa rider series were like.

if i pick up another showa rider series, i’m thinking of stronger or x, since they look like they have some awesome monsters. but for now, the next series i plan to watch is OOO! it looks like another fun and colorful series, and i was psyched to find out that the lead writer is yasuko kobayashi of ryuki and toQger, both series i loved to bits!

[minaminokyoko]

Godzilla: King of Monsters: A Spoilertastic Review

To get straight to the point for some of you, yes, thank God, this movie is better than Godzilla '14.

For one, the title character is not only in the movie for a decent amount of time, they don't constantly cut away from the action and the film is properly lit so that even in night scenes and scenes with heavy rain, our lizard boi is fully visible. He also is kicking some ass and taking some names, and that's what we came here to see. Thus, it's immediately better than its predecessor.

However, a big problem with the movie is the humans. Not the supporting Monarch team, mind you, but the "family." This is one of the most poorly written families I've seen in a while. It's just baffling. They are very, very unlikable people. You don't really get to know them much, and moments where you do, you just don't like them. They are not easy to root for. It's a very similar problem to a lot of other disaster movies, where they pick a bunch of high strung, angry, selfish people as your leads to the point where you're kind of rooting for the disaster to get them, and that's sadly the other half of this film.

In short, they do the kaiju stuff well, but the humans drag the movie down a couple of enjoyment levels, if you ask me. Let's get to it.

Overall Grade: C

Spoilers ahead.

Pros:

-Godzilla and the other monsters look and sound great. They truly feel like their title: Titans. The movie does a good job of offering scale and giving you different perspectives to understand the size and scope of these creatures, and it's very cool to see some of them in the flesh while others are just named. They name-dropped Kong three times that I counted, but he's still Sir-Not-Appearing-In-This-Movie, which is irritating, but I also think that's for two reasons: (1) they need to build the hype train and sadly this movie is not on track to do well, as evidenced by my theater only having about eight people total in it opening weekend, and they need all the help they can get if they truly want to turn this into a franchise (2) they want to give him and Godzilla an entire rivalry film to themselves instead of just making him an extra here in this movie. Give them the room to breathe and be rivals in their own film rather than just shoehorning Kong into this debut of the other kaiju. But back to my point, the monsters all feel corporeal and intimidating. I really liked Mothra's design in particular. She looks gorgeous and is kind of the Ugly Cute variety of monster. I very much enjoyed seeing these creatures with some good effects given to them (although there are a few spots where it could look better, but WB struggles with this a lot, I've noticed) and the sounds they make are tremendous and impressive.

-The monster fights are pretty solid. I do admit that Pacific Rim kind of raised my bar for kaiju fights even though I know it's not the same story, but that to me is the perfect balance of human characters who are actually likable and useful versus giant monsters. I think it just should be a good blueprint for how to run the show if you're advertising giant monsters blowing up shit and beating the stuffing out of each other. I think the monster fights in King of Monsters are paced well and you can mostly understand where they are in relation to each other and how evenly matched they are. There were also smaller, neat details like seeing Mothra in her larva state then evolve into her adult form. That's very cool and creative and I enjoyed that little detail. The final smackdown with Godzilla and Ghidorah was a good monster mash, and I appreciate them giving it time and not cutting away. Godzilla's finishing move was 100% badass. Kudos to the big Lizard Boi, and kudos to Mothra for coming to help her lizard boyfriend as well against Rodan.

-The Monarch team is dicey at best, but the humans actually did more than just following him around like in Godzilla '14. It was actually a smart idea to introduce the ORCA and the concept of trying to at least either soothe or summon the monsters. I liked it a lot, and it was relatively realistic. We as a species are stupid and would of course try nukes first, but once they learned that these things actually feed on radiation and it makes them stronger, then they would be forced to find alternative options. It allowed the human characters to finally be truly relevant and not just dumb, wide-eyed spectators (although, God, there was a lot of that in this movie) and it gave the whole thing a sort of story.

-Just like the previous movie, Ken Watanabe gave a performance this movie did not deserve. He's just one of those actors where he's so seasoned that even though God knows this movie's script is not fucking Shakespeare, you could still tell that he cared a lot about the project and was easily the best actor hands down.

-I'm glad Emma dies. Fuck her. Thank you for having the teeth to not try and give her some shitty redemption that she wouldn't have deserved anyway. Thank you for sticking to your guns and doing just like Deep Blue Sea and letting the person responsible for all that death take the final bow for her shitty fucking actions.

-This has nothing to do with the canon, but I had a really cool idea: what if Last Action Hero Bad Guy is Tom Hiddleston's character from Kong: Skull Island? Wouldn't that be fucking neat?! It just occurred to me that since Hiddleston's character was probably in his 30's during the 1970's, he'd be in his 70's during this film and he's a tall, thin British dude. I would love it if we got some kind of backstory reveal that something happened that caused Hiddleston's character to turn against Monarch. Wouldn't that be a good idea for a second Kong movie? Seeing the hero turn to the villain for the sake of saving the planet? Man, I like that idea a lot, but that's me.

-I was glad to see Ziyi Zhang return to a big screen movie. I liked her and felt bad about what happened to her career, so it was cool seeing little bits of story, especially about how Asian cultures do in fact consider reptiles to be helpful and not hurtful. That was a neat little mythos thing for me.

Cons:

-As mentioned above, I hated this fucking family. This family is just unbearable. I know the film is ham-fisted in its attempts to deal with loss and tragedy and a broken home, but there is a way to do that. There is a way to write characters reconciling and putting aside a rough history to come together. This is not the way. It's so sloppily written that I was throwing my hands up in exasperation at certain points. They are so unlikable. You see so little of their home life, first off, that there is no real connection to get to know them. This is a common problem in action movies these days, too--they don't know how to set the stage and just rush into action. It's true we come to action movies for action, but that doesn't mean we don't also want to enjoy the characters we're spending time with. We know it's fully possible to have action packed movies with well-written leads. It's been done for decades, so this movie has no excuse for why the three family members are aggressively terrible. Emma is a selfish, thoughtless bitch and her motivations make zero sense. Mark is just an angry ex-alcoholic who just barely is relevant enough to be in the story. Madison is damn near a blank slate daughter archetype with little to offer except to be something to rescue. Even with one brief flashback of when they were happy, we're not given a reason to root for them because you never get to know them and the few character traits they do display are just awful. For that reason, we're gonna give Emma her own bullet point to explain why she is just the worst.

-Emma's motivation is completely ass-backwards. Going the eco-terrorism point makes no fucking sense for what happened to her. Hear me out. I can see what this movie was going for, and I know it's kind of an odd comparison, but what they ended up with is basically blonde Thanos. Fuck this woman. Fuck this woman for deciding that she's right and millions of other people need to die because she thinks she is right about something, and she was fucking wrong. 100% fucking wrong. It made no sense that because Godzilla killed your kid, you're gonna slaughter tens of thousands of other kids to "restore the earth" and make it some kind of utopia. You're gonna subject innocent lives to torture and death and trauma in the hopes that titantic animals you cannot at all control and barely understand will raze everything to ashes and then shit can grow again. This is some deeply white people shit, too. Sorry to pull that card, but yes, this is a full-on white people mentality of doing something that will hurt everyone else BUT YOU and thinking you have the right to make that fucking decision. She and Maddie were somewhere safe, and she told her ex-husband to go somewhere safe too, and then she pulled a trigger that killed millions of fucking people whose only crimes were existing. That environmentalist message was utter shit. Is the earth overpopulated and polluted? Yep. But the fucking solution is not to kill half the goddamn population. The solution is to work together and overthrow the corrupt people keeping us from finding realistic ways to solve the problem, not wiping out half of humanity while you sit in a goddamn doomsday bunker sipping coffee and congratulating yourself. The crazy thing is this blonde Thanos bullshit did not need to happen. Last Action Hero Bad Guy was perfectly fine in this role of basically the kaiju version of Ra's Al Ghul. It made sense for him to be like, "ay, fuck y'all for killing the earth, let's let the monsters have it back and then clean up afterward." All you had to do was keep it the way it was presented to us: he kidnapped her and the kid and forced them to help wake up the monsters. There was no need to for this idiotic Deep Blue Sea nonsense of her agreeing with him and somehow setting it up. Which, by the way, made no goddamn sense because he kills all those innocent scientists in the lab at the beginning of the movie. Did she know he would do that? If so, fuck her. Fuck her in the ass sideways for killing her own teammates. She could have met him somewhere else. What was with the guns and shit if she's the one who came up with this dumb idea? I hate everything about this character and I am glad she died in the end because she was as much a fucking monster as King Ghidorah.

-The dialogue in this movie is atrocious. Look, I get it, it's a generic action movie. But come on. There were seriously points where I just rolled my eyes or threw my hands up in exasperation because there were just so many Captain Obvious comments or unfunny one-liners thrown back and forth. It's painful to endure some of this shit. The "humor" in particular really hurts, because you can see they put pauses after certain lines where they think the audience is laughing, and trust me, no, we were NOT laughing. Stupid shit like telling a character to "hold on" as a fucking maelstrom is trying to blow them away or just other dumb filler dialogue that makes me wanna slap my forehead. It's egregious.

-The Monarch team is still kind of as stupid as the last movie. Not completely, but they were reaching hard in certain cases and they still felt useless. One example that drove me insane was when Godzilla went back to his bachelor pad to recharge, they then say this is where he comes to heal...and then proceed to nuke that shit. And I'm like...bitch, whatchu gon' do now if he gets hurt?! You're just gonna find him and nuke him every single time he's hurt?! What the fuck kind of plan is that? I get that the movie writers wanted a sense of urgency, but that was such an idiotic way to accomplish something needed for the plot. They introduced a cool concept and then eliminated it immediately. Oy. Another example is Mark's dumbass screaming for Maddie like she can possibly hear him at Fenway Park with fucking Ghidorah and Godzilla literally fighting right on top of the stadium. Are you kidding me? My God, Mark is stupid. He did the same thing when he ran into the base with a fucking pistol screaming her name and letting the armed mercs know exactly where the hell he was. I am shocked his dumbass didn't get immediately picked off. Moron.

-Sarigawa's death was some full-on nonsense. Fuck you for killing the only credible actor in the entire movie, and what's worse is that it very much feels like a person of color dying for the sake of some goddamn white people. Because, yes, folks, I'm sorry, this is a white woman's fault. All this shit is because a white woman wanted to be Thanos and now this awesome dude has to sacrifice himself. Fuck off. I hate this point in the story, even though bless Watanabe for giving us the only credible emotional scene in the entire movie.

-Even though she was barely a character, I disliked Sally Hawkins biting it randomly in the first third, and not getting much reverence. No, we didn't know shit about her, but it felt like the movie just said "fuck it" and moved right along like it was no big deal. I don't know why they even bothered.

-How in God's name did they somehow "sneak" Ghidorah's whole ass head out of fucking Boston with no one noticing? It's a giant dragon head! How did you fucking do that and no one saw you bring it all the way to Mexico? I swear to God, this movie is filled with plotholes. I'm fine with them setting up Mecha Ghidorah or just cloning him all over again, but why couldn't it just have been in Boston and they just snuck in during the dead of night and moved it somewhere nearby? That thing is gigantic and it's a hard pill to swallow that they just left without anyone noticing it.

EDIT: A fan corrected me that this was the head that Godzilla ripped off before the end fight, so the above point is invalid. Nice catch! Thank you! 

-Nitpick: Did Mothra die? That was unclear. I hope not. She's the Queen. I'll have to ask some Godzilla fans to explain what they thought happened after Ghidorah blasted her in the final fight.

-Nitpick: Good God, these human characters survive shit that would easily kill a normal person and it is a little bit grating on the nerves to suspend your disbelief this hard.

-Nitpick: I hate it when monsters the size of fucking buildings somehow notice tiny ass humans enough to bother giving them their attention or even their ire. "An ant has no quarrel with a boot." I hated it in '98 Godzilla and I still hate it. Something on that scale should not even vaguely bother with one tiny human being, but that's me.

I know I have some very heavy criticisms, but this is still a decent flick if you're just going to shell out for a matinee showing. The monsters are great and entertaining and there's plenty of fighting to go around that is worth a peek, especially the end fight with Ghidorah and Godzilla. It was pretty cool to see in IMAX as well, but I leave that up to you folks if it's worth it.

Kyo out.

[foxchandelier-blog]

Lysandre is actually a really scary villain if you think deeply into the premise of his character.

I’ve done a little bit of research on him already and have analyzed some theories + “evidence” that crosses between the games, the manga, the specials and the anime and, honestly, Lysandre is actually fucking terrifying if we assume his true personality is an amalgamation of all his counterparts.

I mean, for one, he’s really good at manipulating people. You can see this in a lot of ways but the most noticeable one is convincing rich people to buy into his weird-ass genocidal organization. Just thinking about that alone boggles the mind a little because he’s managed to get people to spend millions alone on just getting just a fancy suit and a “promised place in utopia”. 

For two, Lysandre has a lot of control over the Kalos region, more control than anyone should be allowed. Literally let me exist the examples of how much control he has:

1.) Lysandre has control Lysandre Labs - a company that literally doles out all of Kalos’s most advanced technology (a la Pokemon Generations episode 16) - and has made it so that many people likely depend on his services. And, as mentioned in the manga (though I don’t know if this is a games-related factor but I would assume so) Lysandre is a brilliant engineer who’s come up with a lot of this amazing technology, putting him in a place of power through his skills alone.

2.) Lysandre is friends with the Kalos region CHAMPION and REGIONAL PROFESSOR. He literally has them both admiring him and respecting him - a feat usually only reserved for the player character. And yet, all the while, Lysandre is using and abusing Sycamore’s and Diantha’s trust in him to do terrible things. So much so that Sycamore even admits in the games of how he was aware of Lysandre’s wrong-doings but was unable to stop him. 

3.) Lysandre has control over the news media. This is pointed out in the games, in the manga, in the anime, and in the Pokemon Generations anime. And, the consistency is really appreciated because this is fucking scary. Lysandre has the ability to control how people see him through the news outlets. By using Malva - who broadcasts news to most of Kalos’s people - as a biased outlet meant to make him look good, Lysandre can easily spread lies and deceit to get people to respect him. 

4.) I don’t really think this has to be said but Lysandre is very charismatic and a convincing actor. Even if you pinpoint him as the villain early on thanks to his garish design, it’s hard not to notice how everyone is in awe of him or how no one questions his motives. Lysandre is good at being liked, strangely so, and even if you feel an urge to hate him as the player character it’s hard not to notice the way many people in-verse treat him as someone to respect and be inspired from.

For third, let’s discuss the anime. 

The third reason that Lysandre’s so scary is due to his relationship with Alan in the animated version of XY/XYZ/TSME.

Throughout the duration of the show, Lysandre is very much a puppet master moving all his pieces into place. One such puppet is young Alan, a trainer who he’s manipulated and set into place like a toy on a string.

The first time Lysandre meets Alan, it’s actually kind of terrifying to think about. He meets Alan in the midst of ruins, battles him, defeats him, and then coaxes Alan into becoming his minion. Not only that but he uses Alan’s lone role model against him - using Alan’s love for Professor Sycamore to drive him away from the man and into Lysandre’s care only.

Lysandre abuses Alan’s trust in him as an authority figure and makes use of that trust in his favor. He uses Alan as his assistant in his plot, letting Alan think that he is doing good without telling a single lie to the boy. The man uses Alan without remorse, depending on his skills and prowess while also treating him as disposable if he becomes “weak” (as mentioned in TSME episode 4 when Lysandre notes “I don’t need weaklings”).

Furthermore, when Lysandre recognizes Alan’s fondness and guilt over Manon and her Chespin’s condition, he uses that as a tool to get Alan to continue collecting energy. While Alan is hurting over how his actions have caused his closest companions pain, Lysandre weaponizes Alan’s feelings by feeding him tales of “how he can save Chespie” if he just “collects Mega Evolution energy”. 

It’s terrible and it’s downright horrifying. Even as Alan’s obviously breaking down, Lysandre’s first thoughts are not to help the boy but to use Alan’s feelings for his own personal plans. He cares little for how Alan or Manon actually feel and, instead, chooses to use their unfortunate situation in a way that only truly benefits him.

It’s cruel and malicious, selfish and yet cold-hearted. Lysandre’s relationship with Alan is honestly really toxic. He controls Alan, cuts off his closest connections, and weaponizes said connections to put the boy under his control. 

For the fourth reason for why this man is scary it’s because Lysandre thinks he’s in the right and doesn’t think himself wrong. Lysandre’s goals, though seemingly flimsy in design and terrible in the game’s execution, get established in the anime as something almost...sympathetic. In the anime, though it’s only brief, Lysandre explains a little bit of his reasoning for his actions: a reasoning that I will paraphrase here to make sense for the context of his overall character.

His explanation is that he wanted to help people who were suffering, lending them his time, money, and charity in order to help them. At first, he was thanked and appreciated and everyone loved him for it. This was something that Lysandre arguably considered “beautiful”. 

Over time, however, he noticed something changed in the people he helped. They became greedy, wanting more and more of whatever he could provide. He was treated horribly because he could not provide what the people wanted. This, in turn, opened his eyes to the “ugliness” of humanity. He grew bitter, grew spiteful of the people he helped because they saw him as something akin to a tool rather than as a hero. 

This doesn’t explain how he developed genocidal tendencies, of course, but it does give a realistic background story that I can believe and yet somehow sympathize with. Lysandre wanted to help people. But, in doing so, he made them greedy. They wanted more from him, wanted him to do more things for them because of their “rights”, and this greed ultimately makes Lysandre start to snap.

Moving on, I think a lot of the inspiration for Lysandre’s deeply off-the-rockers  and genocidal maniac transformation lies in the real fictional story of “The Picture of Dorian Gray”.

In said story, the main character - Dorian Gray - comes to be inspired by the views of a man known as Lord Henry Wotton. Lord Henry believes fully in beauty as the only thing being worthy of being pursued in life. Taking up this view, Dorian Gray wishes that a painting of himself would age in his place so that he can pursue nothing but beauty and sensual fulfillment.

Taking this (very short hand) explanation of the plot in association to Lysandre, I think there’s a connection here. Dorian Gray, upon becoming smitten with the idea of endless beauty, seeks to keep himself beautiful forever. And Lysandre, who’s views of the world have warped into ugliness, seeks to pursue that beauty, wanting to rid the world of “ugliness” (human greed, “unworthy people”) so that he can keep the "beautiful” all around him (the “chosen ones”).

This ties back into the story’s themes of life and destruction. 

Lysandre seeks life to keep himself and the “chosen ones” beautiful, to keep Kalos looking as pretty as he feels it should. 

But, Lysandre also seeks destruction (or, if you’re like me, death) and wants to rid Kalos of its impurities (people who are “consumed by their greed” and “unchosen” just like members of Team Flare or people who fail to realize what beauty means). 

And, while pursuing the beauty of Kalos, he’s created such a mindset that only HE is in the right. He is the only person who realizes that Kalos is losing its beauty and, therefore, it’s up to him to make the world beautiful.

This is further pronounced in the XY manga. There, the ugliness of humanity is further brought up in the way the Kalos region reacts to tragedies. When a whole town is destroyed and left in shambles, those who did not experience the tragedy “shake it off” and “remain smiling in their day to day lives”. 

There’s a certain kind of ugliness present in this scenario. The people of Kalos who weren’t involved in Vanivelle’s destruction live on happily. They smile and carry on their day-to-day lives while ignoring the suffering of others. This shows humanity’s weakness: humans do not care for things that don’t concern them personally. It’s a gut punch kind of message because it’s honestly kind of true. Until something impacts a person personally, they won’t care for the misery of others and, instead, choose to go about their merry way while another person suffers the consequences of things like poverty, famine, war, etc.

And, in a way, it kind of makes you think Lysandre is right to want to retain beauty and to destroy anything that messes with that ideal. If someone isn’t beautiful - if they’re greedy or selfish or unsympathetic to the pain of others - than you kind of understand why Lysandre would want to get rid of those kinds of people. 

This is what makes Lysandre scary: you can sympathize with and even understand his thought process on a deeper level. He’s a genocidal maniac who’s too obsessed with beauty, yes, but there’s an underlying understanding of why he likely ended up the way that he did.

In conclusion, Lysandre is actually legitimately a terrifying villain and if he was a real person we’d all be really scared of him. He’s charismatic and manipulative and holds a lot of power in his hands. He can influence people and has control over how a lot of people as a result. His obsession with beauty, with correcting the path of humanity for its greed and impurities, not only reeks of real-life historical implications but also of realism too. 

Lysandre’s the kind of villain you would expect to see in real life, someone who, if stripped of his Pokemon-verse significance, would easily exist as a person in the real world. He’s cunning and knows how to take control. Not to mention that he’s rich and the kind of person who could easily hide under the kind facade of charity. Lysandre is a dangerous man, far dangerous than any first glimpse of him might suggest, but he wields power like a sword and has the ability to determine between life and death at a moment’s notice.

[pallatonreviews]

review of “Us” by Jordan Peele

As many of you are probably aware, Jordan Peele is producing a reboot of Rod Sterling’s immortal “Twilight Zone” and after watching Us I can understand exactly why. Jordan Peele’s second endeavour into the horror genre is as entertaining and thrilling as his first. From the references to 80s pulp horror to the genuinely creepy atmosphere that Peele creates, “Us” helps to bring something that the horror genre has been missing. Originality. “Us” dives into mankind’s fears in more ways than one and doesn’t settle for cheap jumpscares and gore, in fact, there is next to no gore in the film and it still remains as one of the most deeply unsettling films I have had the pleasure of watching.

 Jordan Peele as a director continues to create grounded yet terrifying realms of horror that he can play with. Peele is unique in his horror telling in that, he uses real life bases that people would rather not think about. Us follows this by using the fear of the parts of ourselves that we would rather not think about. The “Tethered” as they are referred serve this purpose with murderous glee. Now, the idea of doppelgangers is not a new one, stories serving to show the darkest parts of ourselves are as old as time but the Tethered as unique in that they don’t just show the darkest part of the Wilson family, the movie’s protagonists, they show the darkest parts of society. Jordan Peele has gotten famous by using horror as societal commentary and “Us” is no different. The Tethered live in abandoned subways and have to scrounge to find their next meals while the Wilsons that live about them are well taken care of and are never shown to have a care in the world. The Tethered serve as Peele’s commentary on our treatment of the poor and homeless, and that did not go unnoticed. There is an art in subtle storytelling and then there is also an art in bashing the audience over the head with the truth of the matter. In Get Out Peele used the latter while in Us he uses the former and somehow has such a mastery over both that it is both frightening and something to be admired. I was excited to see Us even though I knew very little about it because I saw that it was Jordan Peele production and I continue to look forward to what he has yet to do.

 While Jordan Peele is a fantastic director, a movie is nothing without its actors, and luckily Us does not disappoint in that field either. The central character, Adelaide, is played by award winning actress Lupita Nyong’o. Nyong’o also plays Red, the central antagonist, and does so with such a sense of dread and malice that it was hard to believe that Adelaide and her are the same actress. As Adelaide she is warm and caring, but also a fierce mother to her children and will not let the tethered hurt them. As Red however, she is on par with Anthony Hopkins as Hannibal Lecter in how cold and vicious she can be. Red is genuinely one of the most frightening villains that I have seen in a horror film and she does this not by being ugly, not by being physically imposing, but by her command of the situation; which Nyong’o not only uses but masters. There is so much talent in that ability to switch between the polar opposite like that and Nyong’o does so with such ease. Playing alongside Nyong’o is Winston Duke, who plays against type as Adelaide’s husband Gabe, and falls closer in line to what most fans of him would recognize as Gabe’s tethered Abraham. Gabe Wilson is the comic relief of the film and Duke is hilarious in the role, he is the bumbling suburban dad role in the first portion of the film but what I adored was that, as soon as his family is actually threatened, he takes up the role of the protector. Duke does this change almost instantly and it helps to create a natural flow to the character that is rare in horror films, which normally have the protagonists be very flat characters.

 One character that I feel deserves recognition however is Jason, the young son of the Wilson family. Jason, played by actor Evan Alex, is coded as mentally challenged by not done so in a cliched way. He talks, he interacts with the family and overall he’s a regular kid. However, he doesn’t look at people in the eyes, he is intensely focused on his magic trick ring he has, and he doesn’t have any form of a censor. Alex plays this role almost naturally, he is believable and really captures the idea of an innocent kid. On the flip side, his tethered Pluto is downright feral. Alex plays Pluto like a rabid dog and it is horrifying, and much like Nyong’o, Alex’s ability to play such drastically different characters in the same film is commendable.

 On a technical standpoint Us delivers a blast from the past, using classic 80s horror lighting to create a familiar yet still eerie ambiance. The overcast of shadows in both the Wilson home and during the night scenes creates an unsettling feeling even if there is nothing going on, as if at any moment the tethered could appear. In the same vein, the day scenes are not much better and somehow worse. Peele plays with the idea of light equaling safety in horror films by using intense lighting during the day scenes so that is slightly disorienting. The day feels off, as if it is a dream (or a nightmare) and it captures the understanding that something isn’t right. From the word go, “Us” creates a world that is uneven and feels wrong, as if there isn’t enough space for both the humans and tethered.

 Jordan Peele is a smart man, and he creates deep horror. I was immersed in Us and the tension that was allowed throughout the entire film created a dark understanding of what it means to be “The Tethered”. By the end of the film I felt myself starting to sympathize with these people, that they have been isolated from society and forgotten, getting scissors for Christmas because that’s all they had, having to eat raw rabbit for food. All of this builds to one of the most beautiful climatic fights I have seen in recent years. From the score that accompanies it to the symbolic shots of Adelaide dancing as a young girl, the climax had me holding my breath the entire time. I can not place a time that a fight had me that entrenched and that is the magic of Jordan Peele. He creates personal stories, even if the audience had never had to go through something similar. Peele creates worlds and explains every nuance of them and as such, allows his audience the respect to get immersed in them. I am forward to what he has planned next because Jordan Peele is not “the next Hitchcock”, he is not “next” anything, because he is the first, and only, Jordan Peele.

[khadij-al-kubra]

Can I Bar-row Your Attend-tion (ch. 5)

Pairing: Roman/Patton

Characters: Roman, Patton, Logan, Virgil, Thomas, Dio (Deceit), (OC)

Word Count: (Eh, I give up XD)

Summary: Roman and Patton are two bartenders at a local bar & grill with some serious chemistry. However, the only people who don’t realize it are each other, and one of them is in a relationship…on the rocks.

Author’s Note: Hey friends! This is it. The Final chapter! I know it’s been forever and I am SO SORRY!! Thank you so much for your patience and for sticking with the story ‘till the end. I am SO grateful to you all!! It means so much to me that you all enjoyed my writing, more so than you could know! If you’d like to be in the tag list for any other works I may write in the future, please let me know. If not, no worries! Just knowing that this story was able to make people smile and laugh is enough for me. And as always feel free to leave a comment in the messages or reply if you have any notes or constructive critiques. I’m always open to writing advice. Enjoy!

<--PREVIOUS

Chapter 5: Make it a Double (POV- Roman)

“Greetings hungry and thirsty patrons! Logan, I got your text and lucky for you my rehearsal got out early tonight. Apparently the director ate a bad—“

Roman had expected it to be a busy night at the bar & grill. He had expected everyone to be a bit wound up and stressed from work. The last thing he ever expected to see when he walked through the door was Patton in front of the bar crying in Virgil’s arms. The sweet man before him, the object of his affections and who always wore a smile, looked so broken and vulnerable before him.

It shattered Roman’s heart.

He rushed to Patton’s side immediately and gently cupped the other bartender’s face in his hands.  Roman tried to wipe away some of the stray tears with his thumbs. They did not belong there.

“Patton, what’s wrong?” Roman asked. “Are you hurt? Did someone hurt you? Are you sick?”

Patton didn’t seem to be injured yet his wracked sobs continued as he shook his head. The sight of his beloved so distraught twisted Roman’s chest and made him want nothing more than to fight whatever had cause Patton so much pain.

“Virgil, what on earth happened!?” he asked, turning anxiously towards his friend.

Virgil signed. “You’re not gonna like this…”

Roman listened as Virgil filled him in on what he’d witnessed in Archwood Park. How he’d spotted Dio kissing someone else, proof that he’d been cheating on Patton for who knows how long, and how Virgil immediately went to Sanders’ to tell Patton the truth as gently as possible. It wasn’t that Roman couldn’t believe that Dio was capable of cheating. Far from it to be honest; after all, both Roman and especially Virgil had good instincts about people and neither had ever liked the dancer. What shocked and revolted Roman was the fact that Dio had been so villainous as to do such a thing to someone as kindhearted and loving as Patton. Poor sweet Patton who would never hurt so much as a fly; heck, he would likely nurse one back to health. How DARE he betray the trust of my precious Patton!

It took every ounce of strength not to erupt in righteous fury then and there. Right now Patton needed him. He took a breath to quell his anger for the moment and stepped back to properly look Patton in the eyes with all the tenderness he could convey. Although his honey eyes were waters and his freckled face blotchy, Patton still looked to Roman like the most sublime creature in existence. Roman searched for the right words to best comfort Patton, to reassure him that he deserved so much better that this act of betrayal, that we was worthy of the most true and faithful love.

Before he could however, Patton caught him in an embrace with such force that he had to take a step or two to regain footing. The heat rose to Roman’s cheeks. Sure they’d hugged before, but never so intensely as this. He could feel Patton trembling as he cried. Screw not crossing any lines. Roman wrapped his arms around Patton and held his trembling figure close, stroking fingers through his soft wavy hair in the hopes of soothing his wounded heart. Patton…can you feel how much I love you? And he did love Patton, so very much…and he would avenge his love’s broken heart even if it was the last thing he did.

Reluctantly, he pulled away. Roman took Patton’s hand and kissed it before nodding to Virgil. ‘Take care of him for me,’ he mouthed, and Virgil nodded back ‘I will’. Reassured that Patton would be in good hands, Roman turned to the door, clenching his fists.

“I’m going to kill that creep.” Roman marched forward, a man on a mission.

“Roman where are you going? You just got here,” said Logan.

“Sorry boss. I’ve got a knuckle sandwich to deliver!”

Roman held tight to his anger as he walked out the door, barely registering that Patton had called out to him.

He held onto his anger as he got into his car and drove over to Archwood Park where his co-worker has often mentioned that his boyfriend (ugh! he doesn’t deserve that honor!) often performed at this time of night.

He held onto his anger when he parked his car in a 24 hour spot, just in case things got ugly and he hoped they would get ugly for a certain snaked faced prick.

He held onto his anger when he marched through the park until he found his target in question, surrounded by a small audience that watched him breakdance and contorted his shoulder in a crude fashion. Roman shuddered, disturbed. I’ll never understand what Patton saw in him.

He just barely held onto his coiled up rage until he forced his way through the crowd and finally unleashed the full force of it through his fist onto Dio’s tattooed face.

“THAT IS FOR PATTON!” Roman shouted.

The crowd around them gasped. Some took out their phones. Roman took great pleasure in seeing the look of surprise and pain on the dancer’s face as the force of the blow knocked him to the ground.

“What the HELL was that about, Prince?” asked Dio, wiping the blood from his lip. A bruise was already blossoming on his cheekbone.

“You STAY AWAY from my Patton, you lying, cheating, slimy SCUMBAG!”

Dio stood wobbly back up and straightened his bowler hat.  “Why does everybody call me slimy? I’m not! I just have large sweat glands.”

“You betrayed the trust of your boyfriend, the most pure hearted person on the planet, and cheated on him with some other man. You’re a two faces LIAR and that is what makes you a slimy boi, you villainous serpent!”

“Look, I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said. Roman saw with satisfaction that he’d managed to chip a tooth. “But he isn’t your Patton, and you’re interrupting my performance. So why don’t you do yourself a favor and—“

“The only favor I’m doing,” said Roman, grabbing him by the shirt, “is telling you one last time. Stay. Away. From Patton!”

“Wait, Patton from that old dive bar downtown?” said an audience member.

“That really sweet guy from Sanders’?”

“This guy cheated on him?”

Dio looked nervously around as his audience went from cheering for him and tossing dollars into his hat to whispering about him. He was really sweating now.

“No way to save face now.” Roman smirked up at Dio as he looked around him frantically. “Can’t lie your way out of this one you son of a—”

A fast and painful knee to the side from Dio silenced Roman. He let the other guy go and clutched his stomach in pain. That was definitely going to bruise later. At least he didn’t get me in the face.

“What I do in my private life and relationship is non of your business. Besides, Patton will never believe you over me. He trusts me too much. It’s not like we both don’t know he’s a naïve lovesick—“

Roman tackled him to the ground. “YOU AREN’T WORTHY OF PATTON’S LOVE!”

Roman and Dio rolled on the hard concrete ground trading blows. Dio was fast but the actor was stronger and madder, so he landed more hits than the dancer beneath him. He got some good shots to the ribs that would surely leave his pale form black and blue for days, as well as a nice shot to the eye. Dio got in some scrapes and gave Roman a split lip (he did manage to get the face), but by the time someone pulled Roman off him Dio was the worse for wear.

“Alright, alright, break it up!” Roman turned and, to his dread, saw that the voice belonged to a park police officer. “What the hell is going on here?”

“Officer,” said Dio, who was also being held up by another policeman. “This crazy stranger just came out of nowhere and assaulted me! Arrest—ow.”

“Stranger? You’ve known me for months you liar!” Roman scoffed. “And I did not assault him for no reason, officer. I came here to defend the honor of my friend, whom he has been cheating on! If anyone deserves to be arrested it’s him for crimes against love and all that is decent!”

“Enough!” said the female officer holding him back. “Did anyone see who threw the first punch?”

The crowd of onlookers seemed, for the most part, to be on Roman’s side more than Dio’s. Roman even recognized one or two faces from the bar. However, no one wanted to lie to the police so they mumbled and reluctantly pointed to Roman. That was enough for the officer.

“That settles it. Looks like I have to take you down to the station. Officer Hobs, looks like that one needs a doctor, so make sure he finds a ride. Show’s over folks.”

The officer placed her handcuffs on him, lead him to her car nearby, and read Roman his rights. Sufficed to say, it was the most terrifying drive of Roman’s life. Ohhh sweet Sondheim, I’ve really gotten myself into trouble this time. Even so, he couldn’t help thinking that it was worth it. At least, he hoped it would be…

…They soon arrived at the police station, yet to Roman it all felt a bit unreal. Having his mug shot taken (worst headshots ever), taking his thumb print, giving them his personal information, and having the handcuffs removed when brought to a grey walled room. It was only when he was sitting beneath those fluorescent lights and saw his battered reflection in the double sided window/mirror (sweet mother of hairbrushes, what was his hair!?) that it hit Roman just how much shit he’d landed himself into.

“Listen, I can explain—I didn’t mean—don’t I get a phone call or something?” Roman rambled nervously.

“No,” said Officer (according to her badge) Rivera. “Personal calls are restricted to persons in custody and questioning…Relax kid, this isn’t Law & Order. I’m just going to ask you a few simple questions and have you explain to me in full detail what happened and why. Clear?”

Roman gulped. “Crystal.”

So he answered her questions first. Then he told Officer Rivera about his day, told her about Patton and his relationship with Dio as well as his own personal feelings for Patton. She took notes in her pad as he spoke and didn’t seem very partial to whatever he said in his defense. However, when he got to the part about Virgil and his discovery of Dio’s infidelity, it seemed to strike a chord with her. True, the officer hid it behind a professional demeanor, but Roman was a good enough actor to catch subtle expression changes in other people.

“So that’s what happened,” Roman finished with a deep breath. “Am I…going to jail?”

Officer Rivera finished jotting her notes and steepled her fingers before answering. Good lord this woman knows how to leave you in suspense.

“Ordinarily you’d be tried under charges of assault.” That sent a chill up his spike. “However, the other guy didn’t make any official charges against you and since there were no reliable witnesses or officers on scene at the time, this could be classified as a misdemeanor. Which we don’t make arrests for. So you won’t be prosecuted.”

Roman released the breath he’d held. “Oh thank goodness!”

“That being said we’ll still have to keep you here overnight as protocol. Unless you can pay the fine for bail.”

“I’m a part-time bartender and community theater actor. Do I seem like I have that kind of money?”

“Wait, community theatre?” At this she let her impartial police demeanor slip. She looked down at the file with his man on it. “Roman Prince…You wouldn’t happen to be part of the RENT production going on, would you?”

“Uhh I am?”

“You wouldn’t happen to be friends with my daughter Krystal, would you?”

“Why yes, she’s out Mimi—Wait, you’re Krystal’s mother?” Didn’t see that coming.

“I am. So you’re the new friend that she keeps talking about. My daughter says you’ve got quite the acting chops, and that you’re a pretty stand-up guy.”

“Well, I think you’re daughter is pretty fantastic too. Probably one of the best actors I’ve had the pleasure of working with. Not to mention one of the best singers I’ve ever heard. I mean seriously, she can hit an A about high C! Do you know how HARD that is? She’s SO talented!”

The policewoman chuckled. “She did say you were pretty over the top. And yeah, that she is.”

Officer Rivera seemed to be regarding Roman in a new light. He shifted awkwardly in his metal chair as she stared him down, drumming her fingers on the table. Then she sighed loudly.

“So, technically you aren’t allowed to make any calls…I on the other had am free to,” she said. “So, if I happened to know the number of a certain family member of yours or a friends or…”

She slyly slid a piece of paper and her pen across the table to him. Ohhh! Catching on, Roman wrote down the number of Sanders. It was one of the few phone numbers he’d remembered off the top of his head (they’d confiscated his cell phone along with his wallet), and surely Thomas or Logan would still be there at least. Ah geez, he is not going to be happy about this. He finished and slid the paper back over.

“I can’t thank you enough Officer Rivera ma’am.”

“Don’t thank me yet. I’ll see what I can do. Meanwhile, I’ve gotta take you to a holding cell here for a little while. Don’t panic, it’s not a jail cell. Think of it as a really small boring waiting room.”

Roman nodded his understanding and allowed her to take him to a small room with one crosshatched window on the metal door. With an apologetic face, Officer Rivera locked him in. He looked around at the grey stained walls and dented metal bench against the wall. Might as well have a seat. The bench was cold and uncomfortable, yet as tired as Roman felt he could’ve probably taken a nap then and there. That is, if he wasn’t feeling the aches from his fight setting in on him finally.

All the adrenaline and anger form before was gone, leaving him all aware of the bruise on his side, the scraped skin of his knuckles and the iron taste of dried blood on his cut lip. It was worth it. It was SO worth getting to punch Dio in his stupid face. At least, that’s what Roman kept telling himself. Being in such a solitary quiet place gave him too much time to think about whether or not he had acted too rashly. Yes he has done it with the intent to defend Patton’s honor, but was there a bit of selfishness to it as well? After all, he’d never liked that Dio got to be Patton’s boyfriend and not him. Was it really right of him to have stepped in on Patton’s personal life like that? And what would Patton think of him after he found out Roman had basically kicked his boyfriend’s ass, even if it was for good reason? The first thing Roman would do once he got out of this place is apologize to Patton.

If I get out of this place…

…Roman must have dozed off at some point for a bit. He was suddenly jarred awake by the screeching sound of a metal door unlocking. He sat up with a grunt.

“Prince, you made bail,” said Officer Rivera.

“Wait, really? But who—“

Before he could finish Logan stepped in from behind the policewoman’s back. Roman had never been happier to see his stoic face.

“Logan?”

“Roman. How are you?” asked Logan, scanning Roman’s injuries. “I apologize I was unable to come sooner. I had to stop at the bank first.”

The tone of his voice revealed how concerned he truly was. No doubt Roman must have looked a wreck. He gave Logan a guilty half smile as he stood up from the hard bench and met him at the door.

“Trust me, I look worse than I feel. A lot better than I left Dio looking,” he said.

Logan nodded to him and, to Roman’s surprise, gave a flickered grin. “Good.”

Logan turned to Officer Rivera. “Since I made the payment in cash to your chief officer, I trust he won’t be called in again?”

“Given that there wasn’t any police witness at the scene it could be classified as a minor offence. Besides, the other guy neglected to place any official charges against your friend, so as far as we’re concerned he’s free to go.”

“Thanks again Officer,” said Roman. “If there’s any way I can repay you, I shall.”

“It was no trouble. Just tell my daughter to call her mother more often,” she said with a wink.

“Consider it done.”

He gave a mock bow that made her chuckle deeply and Logan rolled his eyes. That is, until they saw how Roman winced from the motion. Guess Dio had put more of a dent in him that he’d realized.

“We should get going Roman,” said Logan. “Thomas, Virgil and Patton are waiting back at the bar & grill. I have my car.”

They retrieved Romans things before leaving the police station and headed to Logan’s parked Volkswagen. Logan filled him in on what had occurred at Sanders after he’d stormed out. How he’d closed up early, the way their regulars had stood up and vouched for Logan and getting the call from the police station. It left Roman both surprised and in awe. He knew that their customers were loyal, but it warmed his heart to hear just how much. Not to mention the way Logan had put himself out there for his employees. Guess the cyborg had a heart after all. Roman always suspected as much.

When Officer Rivera said she’s make a call to Sanders’ for him, he’d thought that Thomas or maybe Virgil would be the ones to come to the station, even if the couldn’t get him out. Roman never expected his boss and friend to be the one to come to his rescue, let alone go above and beyond by paying what must have been quite the pricey bail. He’d never be able to repay him enough.

“Logan,” said Roman. “I didn’t get to properly thank you back there. For what you did, I mean. Paying my bail like that, it was, I can’t thank you eno—“

“Just for the record, the price of bail will be coming incrementally out of your next few paychecks,” said Logan. “And I do not care if we are friends. If you ever pull such an impulsive stunt like that again, even if it was for a noble reason, I will NOT let it slide and I WILL be forced to have you find work elsewhere. Understood?”

There was a stern bite to each word that came out of his mouth, and Roman couldn’t help shrinking a bit in the passengers seat. It felt like when he was scolded by his mother as a young boy for standing on the dinning room table reciting soliloquies.

Roman gulped. “Clear as crystal.”

“Good,” said Logan. After a pause he turned to Roman on a stoplight and his face actually softened up again. “Speaking outside of being your boss, however…that was a noble thing you did. Defending Patton’s honor.”

“Wow…Thanks specs,” said Roman, humbled.

“Of course,” Logan said, with a smile. Then he turned back to the road. “Once I had learned the details of the reason behind your sudden departure and Patton’s distress at the hands of Dio, I too had the urge to smite him down like the hand of God. Albeit in a much less physical manner than you opted for.”

Roman gulped when he caught the icy glint behind his glasses. He made a mental note to never get on Logan’s bad side.

“So, we are friends then?” Roman asked teasingly.

“That was the impression I’ve been operating under. However much I attempt to remain impartial during business hours.”

“Come on poindexter, you love us. Admit it. You’re a big ol’ softy.”

“Falsehood.” Logan couldn’t hide his faint blush.

Roman laughed. “So, as friends, can I ask you something that I’ve always been curious about?”

“Of course,” said Logan, keeping one hand on the steering wheel as he pushed back up his glasses.

“Why did you decide to own a bar and grill? I mean with your brains I would’ve imagined you’d want to be some sort of teacher or a chemist or something.”

Roman was afraid he had stepped too far into personal territory. However, Logan simply smiled and even gave a low chuckle.

“I can understand why you would think that, and truth be told I had considered being a mathematician for a long time.”

“So why a restaurant owner?”

After a pause Logan said, “As you know, I have aspergers syndrome, and as such I have never been the best at picking up on social cues or reading people. That doesn’t mean I have no desire to connect with people, it just makes it more difficult. Growing up, people were like a puzzle that I need to solve—that I wanted to understand and connect with better.”

Logan made a turn signal before continuing. Gee, the ride from Sanders to the park to the police station hadn’t felt half as long to Roman the first time around. Then again, I guess time moves a bit differently while in the back of a police car.

“Something I learned from growing up in a large family–aside from the fact that little brothers are demons–was that people seem to connect more openly over a shared meal in a comfortable environment. Thus over time I thought to myself, what better way to combine my love of mathematics and my desire to better observe and understand others than by operating my own business, specifically a food establishment? So I earned my GED, bought Sanders from an old family friend, and turned it into a bar & grill.”

“And…did you get what you wanted out of it?”

“Indeed. Running Sanders’ and familiarizing myself with our customers has helped me to connect with people better than I ever could have. Tonight was proof of this.  Granted the lot of you exacerbate me to no end some days but…becoming friends with you, Joan, Talyn, Virgil, Thomas and Patton especially has helped me tremendously in this regard.”

He noticed how Logan had made no attempt to hide the warmth behind those words and even smiled more openly than he’d ever seen. Perhaps it was because they were speaking outside of work that he’d let himself do so. Here he wasn’t Logan the boss man, he was Logan the friend. Either way, Roman had never felt closer to the big nerd. However, the mention of Patton brought Roman back to reality.

“How…how is Patton? Did he say anything when I left?” Roman asked. “About…me?”

Logan breathed out through his nose. “It’s difficult to say. He was a 9 on the emotional pain scale regarding Dio’s betrayal, and he seemed distraught over you after hearing about your temporary incarceration. I can only imagine how he will react upon seeing your current state.”

Roman gulped at hearing his fears confirmed and silently cursed his own impulsiveness. He didn’t regret throttling Dio, but the last thing Roman had wanted was to cause Patton further pain, yet he did just that. Still, he had to face Patton eventually. They rode in silence the rest of the way.

“Oh Patton,” he whispered to himself, “please forgive me.”

* * * * *

They got back to Sanders about 15 minutes later. It was strange going back into the bar & grill when it was all closed up, yet the light peeking out from inside through the blinds reminded Roman that his friends and crush were waiting for them inside. Logan unlocked the door and Roman followed him inside.

The bar had been cleared, the floors mopped and the chairs stacked atop the tables. Virgil was nervously scribbling on a napkin while Thomas was telling him something, likely going over breathing exercises judging by the rise and fall of their chests. Patton was pacing over by the bar and nervously fiddling with the sleeves of his favorite grey cardigan. Roman guessed he likely had changed out of uniform into his own clothes, given that Patton was also wearing a blue polo instead of his black t-shirt. When Logan shut the door with a clank all three heads shot up.

Roman only had eyes for Patton, who looked both relieved and about to cry. He felt so guilty for causing Patton further grief. Surely he must be mad or at least disappointed in Roman for going off to fight for him. Roman prepared for the worst.

“Hey, everyone…” Roman rubbed the back of his neck. “Patton… I’m so—“

Patton’s arms were around him before he could finish. The force of his hug could’ve knocked the wind out of a football player. He pulled back when he heard Roman groan. Patton’s hands gently probed over him as though he were made of fine china.

“Roman, thank goodness you’re alright! Are you hurt? Did Dio hurt you? Did they press any charges? I’m SO glad you’re not in jail anymore! Oh, what happened to your lip? And just look at your knuckles, they’re swollen!”

Roman blushed at being fussed over in such a way, but at least Patton wasn’t angry. “Patton, I’m alright, I promise. Just a couple of bruises and some scrapes here and there, nothing major. Logan took care of things with the police, so it’s all good padre. I promise.”

At this Patton finally relaxed a bit. Virgil and Thomas came over to him as well once Logan caught them up on everything that happened back at the station. They were clearly irritated at Roman but seemed just as relieved.

“That was a really stupid thing you did dude,” said Virgil.

“Roman, buddy, I know you’re all about the chivalry, but don’t go running off and getting into fights like that,” said Thomas.

“Not without us as backup at least,” said Virgil.

“Indeed,” said Logan.

“Okay?” asked Thomas.

Roman knew full well that neither of his friends were fighters in the slightest. Still, the gesture meant a lot to him. Looking at Logan, Virgil and Thomas standing around him, he felt incredibly grateful to know they’d always have his back; even when he was being an impulsive love struck idiot.

“I swear,” said Roman. “And listen, Patton, about…about Dio—“

“I don’t care about him. Not anymore,” said Patton. “I’m done with him. Officially and for good.”

There was a hard edge to his voice that Roman had never heard before. He looked to Virgil for confirmation if this was true and the artist gave him a nod, smiling at his stepbrother proudly. Although they weren’t good circumstances by any means, Roman couldn’t help but feel proud of Patton for standing up for himself like that. The sweet bartender was a lot stronger than he let on. Aaand Roman wasn’t ashamed to admit to himself that he was incredibly happy that Patton was now free to court. Of course, all that could wait till much later. They had time. He could wait.

“Well then,” said Roman, “I’m proud of you Patton.”

“As am I,” said Logan, placing a hand on Patton’s shoulder. “I don’t know very much about the complexity of your relationship, but I think it’s a fair assessment that Dio was a raging douchbag.”

Virgil laughed. “Couldn’t have said it better myself. He was never good enough for my brother.”

“Heck yeah. You deserve way better Patton,” said Thomas. “We’re all proud of you.”

“Yeah, I’m proud of me too,” said Patton.

Roman caught a flicker of sadness in Patton’s eyes. He was about to ask if Patton was truly all right, but before he could Roman found his hands gently being cradled in the other mans. A blush crept up his face.

“I’m just glad that you’re safe,” said Patton, kissing his scraped knuckles. Roman winced, but he’d never felt happier. “Come on. Let’s get you fixed up.”

Patton gently dragged him by the hand to Logan’s office in the back. Roman would have followed that man anywhere he’d asked. The others didn’t follow and frankly he was glad of it. Roman wanted to talk with Patton in private.

Patton closed the door behind them and gently sat Roman down while he got out the first aid kit from their bosses/friend’s desk. Logan’s office much like his personality: clean, organized, and precise. Roman did however notice there were three framed photos on the desk next to a stack of documents. One was of a rather large family standing in front of a Christmas tree with Logan amongst them. Another was of Logan standing with a proud smile in front of a newly opened Sanders bar & grill, and the last one looked to be a candid photo (no doubt taken by Patton) of Logan with every one of the Sanders’ employees as they laughed at some statement or other. The photographer had even managed to capture the rare laugh from Logan frozen in time.

“Alrighty, now lets get you cleaned up,” said Patton as he took a seat across from Roman. He took out antiseptics and bandages from the kit. “This might sting a little.”

The swabs did sting a bit, but Roman sat patiently as he let Patton nurse his battle wounds with all the focus and tenderness of Florence Nightingale.

“So…it’s truly over between you and Dio now?” Roman tentatively asked.

“Yeah,” said Patton as he wrapped bandages around Romans knuckles. “I called him up after I found out about your guys’ fight and ended things.”

“Oh...” Roman gulped. “I’m sorry. I-I din’t mean to be the cause of—”

“Oh no, no, it wasn’t about you Ro!” Patton said quickly, placing a reassuring hand atop Roman’s. “It was about Dio. After he cheated and hurt you—hurt someone I cared about, well, that was the last straw.”

Roman’s shoulders relaxed. “Ah, then…good. So, how are you feeling?”

Patton paused for a moment and then took a deep breath. “Lighter. Like I can breathe again. Honestly, I hadn’t let myself realize how unhappy I started to feel towards the end of the relationship, how over it truly was, until tonight.”

Patton finished taking care of Roman. Then he put the first aid kit on the desk and scooted his chair closer to Roman before continuing.

“I think part of me suspected he’d been cheating, but I…just thought it’d be easier to…avoid all those nasty feelings, y’know? I hate to admit it, but I’m not sad about it being over…which makes me feel guilty because I’m the one that ended it and it-it was my first real relationship so i—so what does that say about me?”

Roman used the pad of his thumb to gently brush away the tear that streaked down Patton’ cheek. Hesitantly, he cradled it in his hands. To his pleasant surprise Patton actually leaned into the touch. The gesture choked Roman up a little.

“Patton, you have every right to feel however you feel…but if you think it means there’s something wrong with your heart, then you could not be farther from the truth.” said Roman, looking him in the eyes. “You have the strongest, most pure heart of anyone I’ve ever known. You deserve someone who recognizes that. Who treasures your heart and treats you like the most sublime creature in all of existence! And if someone isn’t doing that or isn’t meeting your heart’s needs, then you have every right to walk away without guilt. You deserve to be happy!”

Patton let out a sad laugh, but at least the silent tears ceased. Roman saw a sad smile creep up the other’s face.

“Thanks Roman. I don’t need all that wooing though. All I want is someone to be present with me, to spend time with. Someone who I can be playful with and share things with and we’d take care of each other. Someone who, maybe, finds me…desirable, somehow? Someone…”

Patton looked up at Roman with, perhaps, something akin to hope in his eyes. It made Roman blush, the intensity of that hopeful yet open look humbled the young man as he waited patiently for his secret love to finish.

“Someone who…loves me…as much as I love him. Do you…think there someone out there like that for me?”

Roman’s face was hot as a hearth now and he couldn’t stop the frantic flutter of his heartbeat. It’s not like he was new to the ways of love and he certainly had never been the shy type. Yet Patton’s words had submitted something within him and he couldn’t for the life of him find the right words or poetics to say to the man before him. So, he went with instinct.

“There is…”

Roman leaned in slowly. Patton seemed to have edged in as well, until finally Roman closed the distance between them. He felt Patton stiffen only for the slightest of seconds before melting into the kiss with equal measure. Perhaps it was his overactive imagination but Roman could’ve sworn he also heard a small whimper from the other. Patton’s lips were softer than Roman could have ever imagines, and there was a faint lingering flavor of chocolate sweetness there as well. No kiss had ever felt like this before, with so much underlying knowingness that this thing between them was right. It felt like a drop of honeyed milk on the tongue of his parched heart. Kissing Patton felt like coming Home.

I’m going to be by this man’s side for as long as he wants me, Roman vowed.

Sadly though, breathing was still a thing. Patton was the first to pull away. He touched his bottom lip with the tips of his fingers. A rosy blush colored his freckly face and he gaped at Roman, which made him panic.

“I—I’m sorry! I thought you—I should’ve asked your consent first—I—“

“Chai…”

“W-what?”

“Your lips, they…they taste like chai. Spiced and sweet and warm.” Patton smiled warmly at him. Roman melted. “I like it. I like you Roman. More thank like you, I…love you.”

“I love you too Patton,” Roman beamed. “So very much!”

A giddy laugh spilled from Patton’s lips and Roman just wanted to drink it in with his own mouth. They’d have all the time in the world for that though. Roman beamed at his beloved and they touched their foreheads together. Their silent reverence of each other was interrupted however by the sound of a slow clap coming from the door.

They both turned to find their friends peeking in through the office door. (Roman could have sworn they’d closed that) Thomas peeked in from the right beaming at them, Virgil leaned against the doorframe arms crossed and grinning cheekily, and right in the middle giving the slow applause was Logan; a satisfied smile upon his face as well. They really are a bunch of snoops, Roman thought slightly irked. Still, he couldn’t help smiling as well. He was just too gosh darn happy to care.

“How long have you all been there?” asked Patton.

“Long enough bro,” said Virgil.

“No way we were gonna miss this!” said Thomas. “Virgil, you owe me twenty bucks.”

“Damnit,” Virgil grumbled.

“Language, kiddo.” Patton said, eliciting a laugh form them all.

“How about you Logan. Do you have anything to say about this?” asked Roman.

“Well,” Logan said, adjusting his glasses, “it is certainly about time!”

Roman barked a laugh at that. Yet he knew now that it came from a place of caring. In less than 24 hours he’d been called form rehearsals, gotten in a fight, taken to jail, bailed out, and now here he was in the afterglow of his first—and hopefully not last—kiss with the love of his life surrounded by his dearest friends. In the back of an old hole-in-the-wall bar and grill no less! It was almost too much drama even for the actor. Yet when he felt Patton slide a hand into his and saw his beloved angel smiling back at him, he knew that it had all been worth it.

“Sure is specs,” Roman said, yet his eyes were all on Patton. “It sure it.”

The End

Last Author Note: I just want to say again that I am SO grateful to you all for sticking with this story!!! There has been so much crap going on in my life in the past month. Through all the emotional strife and drama with my family, the one thing that’s kept me sane is my writing and knowing that you all were here waiting for the ending of this fanfiction. Knowing that this story has actually make people laugh and smile made me want to keep doing what I love and that helped me through everything. So I want to thank each and every one of you for your patience, kind words and support. It means so much to me that you all enjoyed my writing, more so than you could know! Lots of Love to you all.

- Khadijah

Tag List: @altruistic-skittles @thekeytohappiness-is-you @canadian-crofters@icecoldparadise @bluebloodstains@purpleshipper@patchworkofstars@axyzel @hissesssss@beautifully-terribly @pink-and-purple-flowers@jynxlovesluck@thatsanswitch @6tick6tock6 @hanramz-the-fander @azlinne @helplesscreator @thestoryofme13 @bibbidi-bobbity-booyah@accidental-sanders @moonstonefox12 @hissesssss@smokeyrutilequartz @phlying-squirrel @madly-handsome @puns-and-patton @notveryglittery @eequalsmcscared @safesandersides@lizziepopanime @anxiously-unsatisfied-world @beautifully-terribly@justisaisfine @ab-artist @helplesscreator

[dcarevu]

The Last Laugh

“When the going gets tough, the tough go shopping!”

Hey, guys. This is Collin. I know that we’re only four episodes into this blog now, and things are just starting to roll…but unfortunately, I’ve decided that the stress of college and work is too much, so I’m going to have to go on an indefinite hiatus…

April fools!

SPOILERS BEYOND THIS POINT

Villain: The Joker Robin: No Writer: Carl Swenson Director: Kevin Altieri Animator: Akom Airdate: September 22, 1992 Episode Grade: B

The Joker’s back on the show already, and again, he has formulated an overly-complicated plot which seems to be designed specifically to lead Batman directly to him. We start by seeing a boat full of repulsively green trash chugging through the Gotham river. It’s emitting an absolutely foul stench, and while we aren’t sure if this is a typical occurrence, knowing this city, I wouldn’t doubt it one bit. Char, my girlfriend and watching-buddy got the impression that Gotham is indeed an old, dark, gothic city, but this was her first exposure to the griminess that is often associated with it. This time, however, the griminess seems to be a little bit more pleasant; in fact every citizen who notices it seems to burst out laughing! The garbage is emitting a powerful laughing gas that doesn’t just cause a rush of giggles, but it also seems to send its victims completely out of control, and they start ignoring all of their surroundings altogether. It’s like they’re not even aware of their laughter, as the fumes get them as high as a kite.

Meanwhile, still in Gotham, but away from the city, we cut to a really great shot of Wayne Manor. Inside, Bruce is sprucing himself up, and we discover that it is April Fools’ Day thanks to Alfred once again being the lovable savage that he seems to be. Offering to “draw” Bruce a bath, he quite literally draws him a picture of a bath, hoping to at least get a smile out of him. But alas, when he’s not reaching for his rich playboy persona, we see that Bruce is actually quite the stick in the mud. I love Kevin Conroy’s way of creating two voices for the character, something that had never really been done before this show. I actually believe this was Kevin’s idea, which is no surprise given his acting background. He somehow does it in a way that makes the Bruce Wayne persona seem even more fake, despite that voice being closer to Kevin’s actual voice.

Bruce Wayne dedicating himself to living a lie like that must truly be tough. Think about how that must hamper his relationships, and it starts to explain the social state that he finds himself in later down the DCAU timeline. I’m someone who is an introvert, and sometimes the amount of energy required to socialize is more than I would like to admit. But if I had to pretend to be someone I’m not every day when my true self is as dark as Batman’s character (and let’s be real, Batman is our main character, Bruce Wayne only exists as a name on his legal documents), it would be a lot worse. The seeds were planted this early, and it shows the thought, consistency, and understanding that Radomski, Timm, and co had for the character right away. This wasn’t your average Saturday morning version of Batman.

Obviously as more and more people throughout the city begin to become affected by the laughing gas, it does not go unnoticed by news outlets. Bruce immediately comes to the same conclusion as many of us watching; The Joker. It’s merely a matter of finding him and figuring out what he is up to. Meanwhile back in the city, we find out just that; The Joker and two of his goons are using the gas-induced obliviousness of the citizens on the street to rob them right under their noses. Even police officers are in tears, not paying the least bit of attention. The Joker, of course, is cracking comments and laughing his ass off the whole time. Some of his lines are legitimately hilarious in this episode, I’ve gotta say! While he was entertaining as all hell in Christmas With The Joker, it was more in a simple whacky, over-the-top, cartoon way. He still has some of that aspect here, but a lot more of it comes from genuinely clever writing. Some of his most well known lines from the show come from this episode. “So we’ll just punch some air holes!” and “YOU KILLED CAPTAIN CLOWN!” to name a couple, the latter being downright legendary.

So far, this episode gives the simple vibe of a fun Joker romp without much meat on its bones, and much of it is. But the stakes do raise as we cut back to the Batcave. Batman is analyzing some of the gas, and learning that it causes “permanent insanity”. We’ll come back to this a little bit later, but obviously he has to do something. Not just because of the robberies and accidents happening, but also just because of the mental health factor. Insanity? Not particularly good for you. All of a sudden, however, we hear a crash come from upstairs when he attempts to call Alfred down into the cave. He runs upstairs, and here we see Alfred, smashing artifacts and furniture with a broom as we hear him belt out cackles unlike anything we have heard from him. The gas is inside the house. Batman immediately dons a gas mask and heads out to stop it, presumably taking care of Alfred first. Alfred, and Wayne Manor in general, being the thing in danger isn’t an element the show does a lot, and I think the moderation allows it to stand out a lot more. It can immediately turn a silly episode like this into something much more serious. Char was gasping and worrying the entire time, not wanting Alfred to be hurt. I think she’s growing to really like him. This is helped by the fact that Alfred was recast for this episode, and his new actor, Afrem Zimbalist Jr (unfortunately no longer with us) would remain for the entire rest of the DCAU. Both of us like this change a lot. I think this new voice helps with Alfred’s miniature character evolution, as it just suits this personality more. The first voice (Clive Revill) wasn’t bad by any means. Paired with the version of Alfred that’s a bit more stereotypical “5-star restaurant waiter”, it felt pretty natural. But Afrem…he brings the character to life like no one else can. There’s no way I can picture Clive laughing maniacally the way that Alfred did here. Also…and maybe it’s just me…but even though for the first three episodes Alfred was voiced by a man who was actually English, it sounded more like a fake accent than Afrem’s! And maybe this is because I’m an ignorant American who doesn’t hear English accents every day, nor am I aware of all the regional variations. I don’t know. But virtually everyone who talks about this new portrayal absolutely loves it, so I’m likely not alone with this aspect either.

Back in the river, we see that the garbage boat is fake. Below the water, what looks like the top of a boat is being carried by a submarine. Looking through the periscope of the sub, the Joker catches sight of Batman’s eyes, staring back at him through the lens. Then, BAM. Batman smacks it, causing the entire thing to rattle, and sending the Joker to the floor. Boy are we getting some great drawings in this episode. Batman’s face through the lens looks amazing! We also had some fun, yet purposely ugly shots of people laughing on the streets earlier, and then the Joker getting knocked away from the periscope is gold. After this, we see that Batman is towing around the “boat” with his own Batboat (its first appearance), which pisses the Joker off. So we get a fight scene between the goons and Batman, which is one of the better action scenes we’ve gotten up to this point. Is it still a little bit stilted? Yes, most definitely. But is it Spider-Man the Animated Series level? Not a chance. I did get some excitement here, and the big hunk of metal known in this episode (and throughout the Internet) as Captain Clown is a robot, so we got a little bit of extra fun here. The Fox censors were not as sensitive if the beating was not being done to an actual human being (even if it’s hard to tell whether or not it's human just by looking), and we got to see Batman throw an actual hard punch. The fight against the other two gives me the impression of martial arts and self defense, which also makes sense given Batman’s background (which will be covered later). The scene ends, however, with Batman being locked in a container and thrown into the water, with the container leaking in through the many holes that the Joker stabs into it with a knife. Seeing the Joker whip out a knife like that and puncture it with Batman inside is really jarring given that this is episode four, and we hadn’t really seen that kind of near-violence prior. Yeah, Batman dodged the stabs, but if one of those had hit, he’d be done. Another glimpse into the dangerous psychopath aspect of a character you don’t always expect to fear. To be clear, this was jarring in a good way.

Situations like this are hard to write for, because you have to be able to come up with a solution that isn’t anticlimactic or complete bullshit. Here Batman calls his Batboat with his utility belt and has it slice the container up with its laser gun blast. It was thinking outside the box a little bit (no pun intended), and having the laser miss during the first shot was a good touch. Granted, I also don’t recall this laser getting much use later down the line (you would think a powerful tool like this would be heavily utilized, hinting at it being added just because of this predicament, but then again, welcome to the world of Batman’s gadgets), so overall I don’t think it was perfect. Pretty cool, though, and I’m not gonna complain. I wasn’t expecting it, and I did find it exciting. Also, 12 words: Batman’s anger once he manages to swim back up to the surface.

To speed things up a little bit, Batman gets to the service, finds where the Joker has gone, defeats the thugs by exposing them to their own laughing gas, and even manages to decimate Captain Clown in a trash compactor. After this, the rest of the episode is pretty much just a chase sequence, and it almost reminds me of a video game. Batman is basically going through an obstacle course. We get a couple more really great shots here, one of the Joker creepily riding a conveyor belt through the shadows, and one of Batman sliding down the garbage shoot. I’m surprised this was animated by Akom, as I specifically remember their animation being generally C-tier when I watched the entirety of Animaniacs (with TMS obviously being the best). Perhaps it was all in the storyboards. The more detailed they are, obviously Akom has more to go by with less room to mess things up. Batman ends up confronting the Joker on a walkway above a vat of molten metal, where Joker throws some razor sharp playing-cards at him. He misses once, and then for the second card, Batman manages to catch it. This is a scene that makes you audibly go, “Awww shit”, and you can tell Joker is thinking the same thing. Char brought up something interesting here. The Joker constructs these incredible plans to disrupt Batman’s day. I swear, he plans everything. But only up until a certain point, because he banks too much on certain aspects. He swore that throwing Batman into the river would have finished him. It’s like the SpongeBob episode where Plankton says something like, “I never thought I’d get this far”. Once Batman makes contact with that card razor, Joker panics and immediately tries to run away, ultimately defeating himself as he trips himself up with a rope. He plays with Batman one step too far. He doesn’t realize when to stop. He pokes the bear, and although he may ultimately be a glorified, crazy mobster, he’s not a fighter. Despite this realization of Char’s, which I totally vibe with, just two episodes ago we had the Joker tripping, falling, and being caught by Batman. So overall I do consider this ending a little cheap. A low point to an otherwise entertaining episode.

Well, I guess it’s not quite the ending. Because after this, we are back with Bruce Wayne and Alfred. Alfred seems to be feeling healthy again, but he is distraught since he broke a priceless artifact earlier when he was exposed to the insanity gas. Bruce tells him not to worry, and that it can simply come out of his paycheck, but also assures him that he’s joking, and it’s all an April Fools’ joke. Bruce even chuckles about it. I love this segment, and even though Bruce can be a stick in the mud as I said, every once in a while he can let himself have a little bit of fun.

For some additional things that didn’t quite fit in with the previous paragraphs, I found myself wondering what Joker was exactly planning on accomplishing after the robberies. I almost think that he was honestly expecting to be caught by Batman, or he was at least not planning past the stage of killing him. But I guess with such an unpredictable maniac, you’d have to be able to read his thoughts to really understand a lot of it. Also, Batman’s computer specifically said that the gas causes permanent insanity. Yet at the end, everyone seems to be fine. Does it require more exposure? Does it mean that it’s permanent for just as long as it’s being inhaled? Was it simply wrong? I was a little confused by this. Mark Hamill’s performance was amazing as always, and as I explained the way that Mark tends to almost visually morph into the character while he voices him, Char mentioned something about him and the Joker becoming one like with the Venom symbiote and Eddie. Accurate observation. And lastly, she mentioned something about how this Joker is someone where you never know when you’ll be on their bad side. I got flashes of a certain early scene from Return Of the Joker here, and I cannot wait for her to see that film.

Char’s grade: A

Major firsts: The Batboat, a form of Joker’s laughing gas

Next time: Pretty Poison

By the way, I’m still messing around and trying to figure out the best format for these blog entries. I don’t think I’ve quite found something that works for me yet, so for a bit, the posts may be a little inconsistent in how they’re laid out. Experimentation! I want to try and make them a little bit less like summaries, and more discussion/reaction-based. Thanks for bearing with me! Also, any constructive feedback is appreciated!

[shenanigumi]

If you don't mind sharing it, what are your thoughts on Koudou? By the way, I love reading your opinions on the various characters!~

Oh, I’m so glad to hear that!! But truth be told, I don’t have very many thoughts on Kodo. Or rather, no readily available thoughts. In fact, I usually avoid thinking about him. So let’s see what happens once I sit down and try…

First of all, Kodo certainly fulfills his purpose as a villain, since I find him so repulsive. He is most definitely a functional character, as well as the kind of bad guy you’d hiss at in an old-timey stage play. I agree wholeheartedly with Nagakura’s title for him, “you senile fuck”. The problem I run into is mostly that, compared to most everyone else in the original cast, his characterization is two-dimensional. Because of the way Kodo is relegated to the position of antagonist in every route, whether he plays a major role or not, I’ve never been able to get a good read on the kind of person he is when he’s not crazy. This is a contrast to Kazama, who—while likewise variable in his motivation and/or behavior—does get at least some pre-split development, and is not a villain in every route (i.e. Heisuke’s, his own).

What we do know about Kodo, largely through inference, is that he is curious and intelligent enough to have gone abroad and studied in Holland at some point. We also know he started out working for the shogunate before he left for the western domains. I just don’t know why, after having been disguised as a human for more than ten years, he would serve the exact same humans that razed his village. Did the Tokugawa order him to do it due to his foreign education, even without any knowledge of his heritage? If so, I’d really have liked to hear about how that got started, because in a story so fixated on “here’s what everyone is fighting for and why”, I remember being extremely confused about Kodo’s shift in allegiance. To an extent, I still am. Though, perhaps there’s more unlocalized information in Reimeiroku…

At any rate, Kodo’s true motivation almost always boils down to getting revenge on the shogunate and/or expanding the Yukimura clan. That much, at least, is generally consistent (although nationalism is also a factor in Harada’s route for some reason). And his vendetta is understandable, given his status as one of so few surviving demons from the Yukimura village. However, I’ve always had a great deal of trouble getting into Kodo’s head long enough to see exactly how his mind was warped. Was that senseless destruction the immediate source of his decision, or was it more gradual than that? How unstable was he before the massacre? For instance, was he always this willing to let the ends justify the means? When exactly did he take the Water of Life, and for what exact reason—for experimentation, for power, out of necessity? Does he ever look back on the path he chose, and wonder about alternatives? Does he have any regrets that do not relate to Chizuru?

These are the kinds of things I’d like to know about Kodo. Without more background information on who he is rather than simply what he does, I have little choice but to think of him simply as “Chizuru’s evil father”. Much of the narrative tells without showing, because we are looking at this story through Chizuru’s eyes, and she is an unreliable narrator as far as her father is concerned. To say she’s biased is an understatement; until Kodo’s true ambition rears its ugly head, she’s the quintessential Daddy’s Girl. Trouble is, given how little onscreen development time they have together, I’ve never fully grasped exactly how that level of attachment developed in the first place.

You see, the other thing we know about Kodo is that he is a good actor. So good, in fact, that he is somehow capable of fooling Chizuru, over the course of her entire upbringing, into thinking he legitimately cares for her. Whether he actually does depends on the route, since sometimes he doesn’t care at all (to the point of killing her), and other times he really does (to the point of dying for her) but is terribly misguided. The issue I take with that variability in particular is that Chizuru’s childhood obviously takes place in the past, and therefore the difference in how Kodo behaves toward her per route feels almost like a form of retconning. Chizuru’s choice of love interest has literally nothing to do with Kodo’s opinions and actions, yet somehow, his behavior is qualitatively different across routes. I get that this is a function of the game and not the plot, but it makes no sense from an in-universe standpoint. It’s hard for me to understand him as a single character, all parts of him united, because his personality apparently fragmented so many years before the story even began.

And here we come to the heart of the matter: it is very difficult for me to assess Kodo as a person instead of just a plot device, because his personality feels so much dependent on continuity.

Basically, Kodo inspires many more questions than he offers answers. Because he is used as a catalyst for other characters’ development rather than being given any development himself, he does not strike me as a complete character. And therefore, I can comment only on his implementation, rather than his true identity.