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dogsosoy · 6 months ago

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i am thinking about stalking aki. no devils au also (gn)reader is an obsessive freakkk and loser ; things get a little physically violent ^__^

as per usual, you were following the local grocery store clerk home after his shift.

he was a pretty unassuming guy, despite his height, but something about him was different from all the other NPCs you had to encounter in your shitty city.

a few weeks ago, for the first time in your life, someone wasn’t outright disgusted with your presence. on top of that, that person was downright gorgeous too. exactly your type. a lot like the guys you went for in your dating sims: tall, long hair, and an unbothered attitude. aki had an air about him that screamed “i don’t really care,” which made you weak in the knees. you were shaking when you approached his checkout line.

you expected him to be like everyone else. throw you a hardly-concealed glare and make your interaction as swift as possible. you’ve never been that great with social interaction. or social cues. but somehow, in your delusional mind, you believed that you were quite charming the day you met aki.

he had initially caught you off guard. aki recognized the game on your shirt, and commented on it as he was checking out (and trying hard not to judge) your groceries (seriously, when was the last time you ate a meal that wasn’t full of MSG?). immediately getting even more flustered and nervous than you already were, you told him a fun fact about the game—that only you found fun—and flashed him an awkward, stressed out smile. more fearful looking than anything. more animalistic than human.

but he smiled back, so clearly that meant you did a good job, right? you surely impressed him with your knowledge and the submissive air about you! he must’ve thought you were charming in a “kicked dog” sort of way.

aki totally wasn’t thinking ‘will this quivering little freak get out of my line already?’ eyeing your shaky hands and figure. you were most definitely overstaying your welcome in the check-out area to stutter at this poor clerk. at least he’s good at staying composed. most of the time.

overall, he was disgusted by you. you looked like you got hit by a bus two weeks ago and hadn’t showered since. your clothes were dirty and way too big, like a child trying on something from their parent’s closet. you had a minecraft wallet that would’ve been a cute little trait if you weren’t so fucking off-putting. your hair was in your eyes. probably to hide your face, he thought. you don’t seem to like being perceived.

aki had a lot of thoughts about you in that moment—some of them more intrusive than others. he thought about scowling at you, yelling at you to move along, maybe shoving your shitty groceries into your hands so you’d get the idea that he really didn’t like your vibe. or face. or anything about you. then, aki thought about strangling you. you just had a face for it. you looked easy to beat up and aki kind of liked that. it crossed his mind that maybe he could kick the shit out of you after his shift. get some anger out. hell, he could’ve taken five and done it right then.

you know, normal minimum wage job thoughts.

but of course, he didn’t do any of that. didn’t even really entertain the thought (although he really would’ve liked to). at his core, aki isn’t a bad person. he’s not the best, don’t get him wrong, but he wouldn’t harm a random person he doesn’t know. even if that person was giving him a million reasons to, just by existing. even if they look like they would make such a good punching bag. or stress ball. or chew toy?

aki doesn’t necessarily enjoy hurting people. he’ll admit, he does find some sort of sick satisfaction in it, but it’s not something he actively seeks out. or even something that regularly crosses his mind. aki is reliable and intelligent. that’s what anyone you ask would say about him. sure, maybe he’s a hardass most of the time, but he really does seem to have a thing for helping others.

he looked at you, really looked at you, his eyes filled with pity as you were turning to walk out of the store. he imagined what it would be like to have everyone you come across have these sorts of thoughts about you. how could you live your life normally when everything about you invokes violent and anger in the people around you?

it was pathetic. he thought you were pathetic.

maybe he could help you.

your eyes caught his only for a moment as you cautiously glanced back at him, trying to sneak in one more glimpse at this angel before you went home, not to return for weeks. then you saw it. you saw that look. something in his eyes, but it wasn’t anger or annoyance or disgust. your face heated up, and your eyes widened with how flustered you felt. your palms suddenly felt sweaty, and it was too hot. for once, someone looked at you and felt something more for you, and it felt like a fire was lit inside your chest.

this man… (squints to read name tag) aki… he was different.

and aki knew from that split second that you were definitely a total hopeless case and complete freak.

your obsession with him snowballed from there.

you followed behind him after every shift, making sure to stay hidden from the light and as far away as possible. you just wanted to make sure the love of your life got home safe! plus, it wasn’t hard to keep an eye on him. maybe keeping up with him was a little difficult due to the height difference, but good thing you’re amazing at masking your presence! thank you, fear of being perceived.

even from this distance, your heart was in your throat. you could barely make out the way his shoulders moved as he walked, or how he lazily puffed on a cigarette (mevius brand, your brain supplied). it was still enough to get you panting like a freaky little creep. your whole body was on fire. the physical reaction you had to aki was apparent, and it had only gotten worse by the day. during your first interaction, you were a complete mess. now? you’d be lucky to get a single word out if he was any closer than twenty feet, and your legs would surely give out from the anxiety. it would be like meeting god.

aki had decided earlier, during his shift, that he had had enough of this game of cat and mouse.

of course he could feel the eyes on his back during his walk to his apartment. although you think you’re quite slick and sneaky, aki has known since the first day you followed him home. you may be quiet, but your hiding skills are a bit rusty. on top of that, aki trained in the police force. he knows when someone is tailing him. he had to hand it to you though, it took him longer than normal to notice you.

every day you got a bit closer—he had picked up on that by the fifth night. he picked up on you breaking into his apartment by the second week, which irked him. not because he necessarily cared about you stealing his stuff—he didn’t have much of value anyway—he just didn’t want your dirty hands touching everything. he started cleaning more after that.

then slowly he started… leaving things out for you. like someone leaving milk out for a stray cat. a half eaten bar of chocolate on his kitchen counter, an old shirt on his bed. things he thought you’d think he wouldn’t miss. he left some healthier food out too, with a few bites taken out of it, so you’d think he was done eating and take it for yourself.

he wondered if it felt like sharing a meal to you, too.

he had caught a glimpse of you in a shop window as he turned the corner onto his street. you were wearing his shirt. he never saw you without one of his shirts on, not since you started stealing them.

instead of continuing all the way to his apartment, aki stopped short and took a quick right to duck into a nearby alleyway.

your heart sped up. what was he doing? was he meeting with someone else? going to someone else’s place? maybe just taking a leak? despite your worryingly amazing stalking skills, you lacked a lot of… basic intellect. street smarts.

common sense.

you approached the alley cautiously, peering in. no sign of aki. your heart sunk, had you lost him? your foot steps rang out in quiet thuds on the concrete. your thoughts were running a mile a minute.

aki thinks you should be more aware of your surroundings. it becomes another bullet on his mental list of things you need to work on. this list is uncomfortably long.

you pass by an unassuming dumpster, not looking at or even near it. it didn’t cross your mind that the object of your deepest desire could be crouched beside it. why would he be? why would he be staring at you? why would he be getting ready to pounce on you, like a predator on prey?

the moment you had just barely cleared the threshold into his vision, aki pounced.

your back hit the concrete wall before you could even grasp what could be happening. the smell of cigarette smoke flooded your sinuses. someone’s forearm was pressed to your neck—their hand carefully balancing a mevius cigarette between two fingers—affectively holding your weaker body in place and somewhat choking you. your voice cried out in a pathetic yelp, which caused another large hand to be placed rather roughly over your mouth. he didn’t want you to make any unnecessary noise. or, god forbid, any dumb comments.

his figure was even more imposing at this distance—or lack there of. fuck, is he going to kill you? beat the shit out of you? why is that thought kinda hot? your heart was beating so fast you felt like you were going to have a heart attack. aki, ever composed, casually leaned over your trembling body, looking deep into your scared eyes with his intense gaze. he was so calm, but he was also scary. imposing. like a parent looking down at a child who has misbehaved. your knees felt weak.

you have misbehaved.

his face was inches from yours as he spoke softly, condescendingly, “i would say you’re dumber than you look but,” his eyes raked over your figure slowly, rolling the cigarette between his fingers. he removed his forearm from your neck and took a drag and blew the smoke into your face as he continued, “you’re not.”

quick note: having a hand over your mouth, somewhat covering your nose, smoke blown into your face, and having previously been choked by a forearm to the neck does NOT pair amazingly with what was likely an incoming panic attack. or maybe it was a meltdown. aki didn’t think you could tremble this much. widen your eyes this much. make him feel so in control this much. he would’ve rather thrown out his brand new pack of meviuses than admit that you have such a way of making him feel. he continued rolling his cigarette between his fingers, staring at your face, thinking. then he backed off a little. looked down his nose at you.

his gaze was filled with disgust… and an impossible amount of want. want for you. to own you. control you. maybe he just wanted to have some sort of control over anything in his life. unfortunately, you didn’t have a whole lot of time to react to this sudden realization about aki, as you cried out, muffled by his palm. the bastard had put his cigarette out on your neck.

“don’t worry,” he spoke softly, in an ever condescending tone, “you’ll probably still be able to walk when i’m done.”

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azulcrescent · 8 months ago

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Hiya, thanks so much for making I Want To Be An Anime Girl! I've been binge reading it tonight (sleep whomst? 😅) and had to pause after reading Ch271+272 to send this in, that scene really hit me hard. Kinda wild coincidence, I have a younger + older sister and used to get dressed up in pink and have long hair when I was little, used to play toys a lot with my big sister too.

I had a good long cry after reading that part, lots to unpack there. I'm slowly coming out to my family, my friends and lil sis are supportive thankfully and I'm hoping maybe big sis and eventually parents can be too 🤞 These sorts of stories give me hope, y'know?

I'm also finding it really interesting to think about the journey of someone coming out in their teen/school years like Cheryl, big respect to peeps who navigate that! For me transitioning mid to late 20s feels like a different experience in a few ways.

Anyways thanks again and wishing you the very best for your adventures from down under in Australia!✌️🏳️‍⚧️

I'd better get back to reading! 😊

Thank youu! I'm glad you like the comic! I'm glad your friends and lil sister are supportive! hopefully it goes well with the rest too! One of my goals with the comic was to show trans joy, and I hope that I've been successful in that regard! Thanks for sending me this msg! ^^

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justmeinatree · 2 years ago

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She Is Beauty

Summary : louis pisses you off to no end. you admit some things you’ve been hiding. (friends to lovers)

TW : smut

Word Count : 2.2k

A/N : who makes louis gifs ?? they’re impossible to find !! msg me, i promise full credit ✌️

you dont remember the last time such a large flare of anger has warmed you up quite like this. you dont remember ever being so angry that you stormed off from the dinner table to have a moment to breathe on your own.

it had been a normal thursday, work all day, quick moment at home to freshen up and change before heading off to dinner and karaoke with your group of friends.

in a rare occasion, everyone was actually able to make it, including your best friend, louis. he hadn’t been able to make it to your last few friends nights out, and seeing him when you approached the private room made your tummy flutter.

you had been in complete denial about how he actually made you feel. you weren’t sure where along the way, you started having deeper feelings for him. but now that you’re walking towards your friends, seeing him for the first time in over a month, you weren’t sure how long you could stay in denial.

that is, until he opened his big mouth. and now, well maybe it’s not that hard to fall out of love with your best friend.

throughout the last couple hours, he took every jab he possibly could towards you. “dressin a bit slutty for a friends night aren’t you”, “sure you want to order that much food”, “probably the most awful rendition of any oasis song, ever”, “seriously love, my ears are fuckin bleeding”, “really dont need to be ordering dessert now do you”, and so on.

so you excused yourself, walked out of the room and leaned against the wall in the hallway. your face in your hands, as you take a few deep breaths, your fingers gripping into your hair.

you hear the door from your karaoke room swing open and close with a click. “what are you doing ?” louis asks, walking up to you.

you groan, shaking your head, letting your hands fall, as you turn to walk down the hall, heading for the washroom.

“where are you going ?” louis shouts after you, following you, bursting into the bathroom behind you.

“leave me alone, louis,” you groan, standing in front of the sink, eyes locked on your hands, resting on the counter. you didn’t want him to see the angry tears forming in your eyes, from the mirror in front of you.

“no. what ?” he asks in shock. “since fuckin when do you want me to leave you alone ?”

“just- please, louis,” you shake your head, really just needing a moment.

“would you fuckin stop with that. tell me what’s going on ?” his voice is starting to rise, louis getting increasingly annoyed with you. you’ve always told him everything, he was your best friend.

“fuck, louis, go away. i need a fucking minute,” you reply, your voice raising as well. why couldn’t he just leave ? your heart felt heavy, there was a pit in your stomach, your hands felt shakey, your eyes were red rimmed and full of the tears you’re willing back. you needed a moment to gain your composure. without the source of the problem hounding you.

“i’m not fuckin leaving until you tell me why you need a minute,” he folds his arms, holding his stance behind you, obviously not going anywhere, anytime soon. “you’ve never not been able to talk to me,” he adds.

“because you fucking poked shit at me all night,” you shout, frustratedly. “now can you give me a god damn minute alone.”

“what on earth are you on about ?” louis shouts back. “since fuckin when do you need my approval for shit ? christ love, this is how we’ve always talked to each other. what’s gotten into you ?”

you turn to face him, anger pouring out of you, ready to scream at him, when your answer gets caught in your throat. realization hitting you like a ton of bricks, your breath stuck in your lungs, eyes wide, looking almost frightened as they flick up to louis’.

you reach out behind yourself, hands gripping the counter to hold you up, louis taking a step towards you, concern overtaking his anger, “tell me what the fuck is going on,” he asks quietly. “you’re scaring m-“

“i think i’m in love with you,” you blurt out, cutting him off, eyes searching his for any kind of reaction.

you watch his eyebrows furrow, tongue poking out to lick his lips, as your words register with his brain. did you just say you were in love with him ? he can’t deny that he’s never contemplated what it would be like to be more than friends. he honestly just never thought you’d be interested in something like that with him.

“you’re in love with me ?” he asks quietly, stepping up closer to you, only a few inches separating you both.

you look up at him, unsure how to read what he’s thinking at the moment. but you find yourself nodding, needing him to know.

louis chuckles quietly, his hand running through his hair, “christ, how could you be ? i treat you like absolute shit.”

you laugh at that, groaning lightly as your head leans against his chest, hands settling on his hips.

louis’ hands run up and down your arms soothingly, neither of you strangers to light comforting touches throughout your friendship.

“how long ?” he asks quietly, the energy in the room having flipped like a switch. the moment turned soft, gentle, calming.

“think i’ve been in denial for longer than i even realize,” you hum, taking a deep breath, your shoulders rising and falling, a weight lifted off of you.

“can you look at me ?” louis asks, a light laugh leaving his chest.

you lift your head up from his chest, eyes locking with his. you see louis’ eyes flicking between both of yours, a quick glance down to your lips, making your breath catch in your throat.

the next thing you realize, louis, your best friend, is leaning in. your heart beats out in anticipation, watching his eyes flutter shut as you feel his lips pressing against yours.

you instantly melt in his arms, your hands gliding up his stomach and chest to wrap around his neck. louis’ hands land on your hips, giving a squeeze, making you gasp unexpectedly into the kiss.

his tongue takes quick advantage, slipping past your lips, getting a proper taste of you. and fuck, he’s been missing out. can’t believe how sweet you taste. but really, he should have known. everything about you is sweet.

louis’ head is reeling, from the bomb drop of his best friend being in love with him, to the soft mushy feeling in his heart as he kisses you. he can’t believe he hasn’t paid attention to it more in the past, but he really fucking does love you.

his hands slide down to your thighs, hoisting you up onto the counter, nibbling on your lip, as he pulls away to try and lift your tanktop off.

“woah, what are you doing ?” you ask, slightly out of breath, totally not expecting this. much less right now.

“m’not fuckin waiting until we get home,” he laughs, shaking his head. “m’already hard and unless i’m reading you wrong, we both want to.”

you smile, a bit timidly, biting your lip, “you know me too well.”

“so you’ll let your best friend fuck you in the bathroom of the karaoke house ?” he giggles. actually fucking giggles, and your heart explodes a thousand times.

you have no idea what’s on the other side of this, but you can’t find yourself caring either. so you take your top off for him, grip into louis’ shirt, pulling him between your legs, kissing him again.

your body is pressed up tight against him, his hands roaming over your skin, before scratching his way down from your shoulders to your lower back.

you hiss into the kiss, back arching, as the grip louis holds onto your hips becomes bruisingly delicious.

“c’mon, do something, please,” you whimper against his lips, pressing your clothed cunt against the tent forming in his pants.

you can hear the low groan from louis’ throat, “christ, what’s got you so needy all of a sudden ?”

“you !” you whine loudly, “fuck, everything is you tonight. i can’t fucking compose myself at all because of you.”

“s’what happens when you keep shit from me,” he scolds you playfully as he strips you both from the waist down. “become all consumed with me. gotta let me in on these feelings.”

“fine, whatever, just sink your cock in me, please,” you pout at him, pulling him towards you again. but this time, you feel his bare cock sliding between your folds, a shiver running down your spine.

“glad my prick could finally get you to shut up,” he breathes against your ear, his member breaching past your entrance, settling deep inside you, as he bottoms out.

your teeth sink into louis’ neck, eyes fluttering shut, gasping for breath.

“got nothing to say now ?” he hums, a smirk pulling at his lips. “my cock make you feel good, baby girl ?”

you whimper, nodding, looking up at him, eyes full of love and bliss, “s’a new nickname.”

“been keeping that one on the tip of my tongue for a long time,” he admits, his hands roaming over your bra covered chest. “feels nice to say it, honestly.”

you feel louis’ hips working a slow rhythm, getting used to feeling you this way. he’s seen you naked a handful of times, but touching you this way is very different.

his thumbs are rubbing over where your nipples are, still covered up, as you notice his lip being pulled into his mouth. “never let myself really realize how fuckin pretty you are. christ, i’ve been missing out all these years, haven’t i ?” he asks rhetorically, eyes raking over your body, watching his cock bury itself inside you over and over again.

“who knew you could make me feel this good,” you murmur, your lips searching for louis’ again. granting you your silent wish, his lips find yours, nipping and sucking as he goes, wanting to feel everything with you right away.

“you’re not that naive, you knew i could,” he smirks cockily, his thumb starting to flick over your clit fast, knocking any response right out of you.

“f-fuck,” you whimper, your body trembling as you grip onto him, your head dropping to his chest.

louis grips the underside of your knees, lifting your legs up so your feet are resting on the counter as well. the new angle making his cock hit places you didn’t know existed.

he was so deep inside you, your cunt fluttering every time his thumb passes over your clit.

both of you are moaning loud, louis’ forehead leaning against your hair, “wanna make you cum baby girl. wanna see that pretty face, hear all those pretty noises. s’the only part of you i dont know yet. let me meet her.”

you’re not sure why, but the thought of louis being your best friend, knowing you at your worst, at your best, knowing your weird quirks and embarrassing kinks, having seen you naked, seen you on your period, seen you sick. knowing all those versions of you and still wanting to learn more about you, see the sides he hasn’t seen, makes the burning bubble in your tummy, pop. you want to show him all of you, you’ve been dying to.

louis feels your cunt clamping down on him, a loud moan leaving you, as he grips into your hair to tilt your head back, wanting to admire you. the quivering of your lips, fluttering of your eyes, slacked jaw. hearing your loud, unashamed, pornographic moans. he’s cumming along with you.

it hit him hard, suddenly. he was so blissed out watching you and feeling you squirm around him, that his body took over. hot ropes of cum fill up your already soaked pussy.

he wraps his arms tight around you, catching his breath along with you, taking a peak into the mirror behind you to notice how fucked he looks. “our friends are absolutely gonna know we fucked,” he laughs at himself.

“let ‘em,” you hum, far too content to care, leaning heavily against his body, feeling so good, totally consumed by him.

“don’t think i can keep calling you my best friend after that,” he hums absentmindedly. “gonna have to come up with a new term. especially considering i dont quite feel the same kind of love for you as i do for my other friends.”

“can figure that out later,” you smile, tummy flipping at the thought of finally having louis in all the ways you’ve only let yourself dream about.

louis nods, gripping your hips as he slowly pulls out of you, seeing some of his cum gather at your entrance and bubbling out.

he’s quick to catch it with two fingers, shoving it back into you. “gonna do something for me baby girl,” he hums, watching his fingers pull out of you, a mix of his cum and your arousal coating them.

as he pulls your underwear back up, he smirks at you, “keep my cum inside you for the rest of karaoke, and i’ll lick it out of you, back at mine later.”

Part 2

……

Masterlist

#louis tomlinson #louis tomlinson fic #louis tomlinson fanfic #louis tomlinson fanfiction #louis tomlinson blurb #louis tomlinson one shot #louis tomlinson imagine #louis tomlinson x you #louis tomlinson x reader #smut #louis tomlinson smut #louis tomlinson masterlist #one direction #louis tomlinson writings #writings #justmeinatree

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thedarkmongoose · 7 months ago

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SPOILERS: i have mixed feelings about the bear s3 but knowing that s3 & s4 were written/filmed at the same time makes sense. s4 will prob answer s3's q's. (A LOT was left open-ended) usually i love that, but it felt like the show lost itself in certain places, esp the self-indulgent finale. all stories are indulgent to some degree, but too much decadence rarely leaves room for substance.

and i get why they tried to do the chef's table thing, but other than andrea, syd, and luca, everyone else's acting was disjointed and trite. but i loved ep 1; it was an ethereal, artsy, meditative piece (peace) that was necessary after the chaotic s2 finale. however, as a big fan of the show, it was hard for me to finish the eps.

the standout in s3 FOR SURE was tina's ep - directed by ayo. glad we got her backstory. personally i liked her anxiety-inducing job hunt bc it's really like that irl, esp for older woc. the sobbing while eating a free sandwich was relatable, and the mikey convo was super impactful. but as much as i loved the ep, it still felt superficial compared to s2 'forks' (richie) or 'honeydew' (marcus). we never see her son again either; all we get is tina yelling at him to quiet down.

then there was marcus's mother's funeral which seemed like it was going to be more central to the plot than it was. i wish we got more. and claire is still one of the most underwritten characters EVER. nothing about her or the mis en scène really sells it that she's a doctor lol. and the scene with the faks trying to apologize on carmy's behalf was beyond cringe. i like matty matheson - i have his cookbook, but there was entirely too many faks in s3.

and let's be real: where was ebra & sweeps? ebra has such an interesting story that i'm HOPING we get to see in s4. sweeps too - he tried out for the chicago cubs! but on a positive note, i loved the chemistry between syd/luca. it was v sweet and organic. wonder if they'll be a thing in s4 since luca is carmy's foil. too bad marcus was barely in s3, tho the hug between him & luca at the party was cute. syd's meltdown mirroring carmy's in s2 was also a nice touch.

idk how to feel about sugar's labor scene. most praise it, but it didn't hit the same for me. donna's over-acting (the whole series) is really distracting and i can't take her seriously. ik she's supposed to be mentally unwell, but it borders on cartoonish. the hospital moment was heartwarming, but again, artificially. and pete was so underwritten too, just so they could have that mom moment. i liked the scene with him and syd tho. it felt authentically awkward.

i also understand what they were trying to do with the finale, but it was a flop for me. the scene with andrea/carmy staring out into the chicago night was introspective and beautiful, but the msg doesn't hit all the way bc we have a group of wealthy celeb chefs saying it's okay to stop while you're ahead and enjoy life while you can. every second counts. unfortunately for those who are not celeb chefs, it's not that easy to simply "enjoy life."

on one hand, i agree that food is life and restaurants have been community "third places" forever (essential to life itself; historically, like when revolutionaries would gather at pubs or cafes). however, do i think that fine dining and the "art" that comes with it is necessary? no. if there were more spots like the original beef/bear in the world tho, that would be a good thing.

#and syd being one of the leads w/one of the most compelling stories while barely having screen time was an odd choice #the bear #fx the bear #the bear hulu #carmy berzatto #sydney adamu #tina marrero #chef luca #richie jerimovich #spoilers #ebraheim #sweeps #neil fak #analysis #meta #media analysis #.txt

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popcornforone · 1 year ago

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Target Practice

Part of the additional One Week With Dave York Training Chapters

Master list

Sorry Dave, life got in the way & unfortunately I then also had a huge creative block. So I’m sorry this has taken a while. But it’s here now, it’s done. I didn’t want to give you something I wasn’t proud of, but this is short but I enjoyed writing it.

Synopsis: After the events of that week, Dave has seen you as so much more than just his lover & he wants to make sure you are safe & know what to do should the worse case scenario happen.

Word Count: 2400

Warnings: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE UNDER 18! DAVE YORK AS ALWAYS COMES WITH HIS OWN WARNING. Established relationship, sexual fantasy, fingering, pleasuring, gun play, mentions of sex, PIT, swearing, lots of sexual tension, almost PIV. If you’ve read any of my Dave before you know exactly how much a menace I make him.

As always thanks for the read peoples, I hope you enjoy. All feedback is welcome as always. I’m also available to talk about anything msgs are always open.

You’ve been at it all week. It started off enjoyable & fun, but now it’s getting tiring & as much as you still enjoy it & he’s that close to you, you’re both starting to become weary with frustration. Dave was persistent & got what he wanted. The way he smiles at your delight originally is now a distant memory.

No… No… He was not trying to get you pregnant. You have recently had that conversation, his divorce with Carol goes through soon. Bye bye birth control, & hello to him being a daddy to your future child, a sibling for Molly & Alice one day. No today is Sunday & your back at the target range.

When you were filling out a few forms the other week, to increase your level of security & what you can know or help with as a civilian, Dave realised he had never taught you how to assassinate someone. His words not yours. You didn’t want to correct him, you just saw it as shooting people.

“I’ve only ever held a laser tag gun” you said as he walked you to the target range.

“What” he says in shock before he looks you up & down. “This is a joke right”he’s looking concerned.

“Well you’ve never asked me to clean the guns in the house or look after them & I’ve never been that interested until…”

“So I need to train you in everything gun related” Daves mind was scrambled at this revelation.

“Yes Dave, you do, not all of us carry the right to bare arms” he scoffs at you. He really is in disbelief & knows he’s got his work cut out now. It’s hard enough training someone who wants to learn to shoot.

“Okay this may take a while, let’s waste no time”

In the days that passed Dave showed you the different types of guns, how to assemble them, about safety & what to do. Some of this you already knew from vaguely listening to him or watching it on tv. So when he took you to the target range on Tuesday & you fired your first blank & you jolted backwards, you couldn’t believe the power in the small pistol he had given you. Your hands were shaking & you were filled with adrenaline.

“Holy fuck” you shout which, because you both have microphones attached to your headphones, blasts into Dave’s ears. “Sorry”you continue “I got over excited”

“I think everyone does the first time they pull the trigger” he calmly say.

“will that feeling fade?”

“Eventually…” Dave says as inspects the novice gun to make sure you didn’t break anything on it. “But it won’t be for years before that’s the case, it took me 6months in the army to not blink when I pull the trigger.”

“6months? that’s a really long time” you scoff thinking how long it’s going to take you to be calm with this, you don’t even like guns but if it’s for you, Dave & the girls safety, you need to know what your doing up to a certain level.

So here you are on Sunday, struggling to hit the back to back targets square on with the next gun. A much bulkier pistol than the one Dave gave you a few days ago. He’s taught you what all the different guns are but he wants you to learn how to use this one. It’s the one he keep’s underneath the second stair in the house. If there was a home invasion, this would be the one he would direct you to get & use. You’ve know that there’s a stash there for emergency for a very long time but always just ignored the weapon.

“Surly what I know now is enough Dave” your frustration & sigh through the headset as you look at him with tired eyes tell him all he needs to know. This isn’t fun anymore. It’s like he is treating you like a trainee, which in theory you are, but this is for all your safety. You put the safety on the gun & put in on the table & flash the yellow light to say you’re no longer firing. Dave removes his headset & walks up to you calmly as you remove your own headphones.

“It’s okay” he says reassuringly. “You don’t have to get this right straight away, what you’ve done is a big step already, it’s just…” his voice trials off.

“If someone breaks in our house, they are going to put up more of a fight than a random home invasion” you mock & say it in Daves training tone. He’s said this so many times that you know it by heart, especially after the Carol hand scissors moment which was almost a year ago. It’s not quite his bedroom voice but it’s grumpy for sure. He raises an eyebrow at you & you laugh as you pick up your coffee. The stern look not leaving his face. “Shit was that too much… sorry Dave I…” you start to worry & then you see the smirk appear “… you bastard, I thought I’d crossed the line there for a second” you inhale & then take a big gulp of your coffee not wanting to really make eye contact with Dave. Those eyes will have your aroused too quickly.

“You know me too well sweetheart” he can see you shake a little. After all this time you’re still his, his fuck toy who will attend to his needs & not want to hurt or displease him. His desire dungeon is still used at the weekends when the girls are away. “Maybe that’s why I love you, & I’ll forgive you… for now” if that didn’t send a chill down your spine nothing would. Seductive stabby murder daddy threatening empty & possible mean promises & punishment is enough to remind you how much a woman you are.

This has the desired effect though. Dave can see your body relax, & your shoulders drop so he quickly hits the red button to say a gun is live. His large hand scoots the gun across the table to you & he stands behind you. The other hand around your waist. You look confused & go to turn your head, his lips just mere inches away from your skin, skin that they adore to kiss. Waiting for his hushed tones to speak.

“Take the weapon sweetheart” he whispers in your ear. Still as arousing as ever when he is this close to you. Your hand glides over it & softly grips it to start before it get tighter. His hand joins yours to put it in the best position. “Your grip is like a vice” ooh the husky tones this man has, it makes you girl the gun harder. “Both your hand & your cunt. If you get this right, I’ll make sure my other weapon is gripped hard”

“Dave!” You moan & turn your head to moan, but the large hand that was on your waist is now around your chin turning you attention back to the targets in front of you, as he pushes his body closer to yours.

“I want you to take a breath for 4 & then out of 5 & then in for 4 & then fire okay” he’s not put his or your headsets back on. He tentatively taps your waist for the 4 & 5 counts. & you concentrate on your breathing before you fire the gun. “Do it again & aim for the same spot” he says softly once again taping you for the count. Admiring how your blue vest top just about skims over your body. The neck like means he can see your cleavage. If he was admiring like this at home, the top & your bra would be off & he’d be fucking your tits, cumming all over them before making you lick up the mess he had made as a reward. Licking your nipples arouses him but he still prefers to lick your pussy until it squirts all over his face.

He’s too lost in his mind, lusting for your body, that he forgets about the next shot & he almost leaps back, jolting away causing your shot to not go where it’s meant to. He’s shocked but also aroused.

“Jesus Dave!” You turn & face him as he comes back apologising.

“Sorry baby” both those hand return back around your waist hovering just below your belly button. “I was lost in my own mind, you are weakness after all” his head rests on your shoulders & he looks up at you with those big brown eyes & you smile softly back as you load the next few bullets into the gun. You’re confident at that part of the job.

“Are you going to stay here & be a distraction Dave?” You ask. He then pushes fully behind you, his groin against your arse. You can feel his erection growing, digging into you as you try & remain focused. It’s the wandering hand heading for the belt on your jeans that’s making you breathe faster. “D…Dave?” You ask but in list of ways are you asking that.

“Hit the same mark back to back & i’ll fuck you on this table” he snarls. He’s moved the strap of your vest top & bra to the side & starts kissing your shoulder heading for the crook of your neck. His kisses are still like fire. Still, even though it’s no longer an affair, they make you feel naughty, like his bratty little slut who used to do anything for 5mins attention from him before he fucked you hard with no consequences.

Your hand shakes as you pick up the gun, not through fear of the weapon but at Dave’s words said so seductively. At those large hands controlling you as your belt clinks undone. Your arse moves towards him, wanting him to take you. Your sigh is exasperated, as it comes from your lips, goosebumps across your entire body, from every sensation you feel. Your breath is deep & you fire two shoots. They do both hit the target but in opposite places. You gasp for air. Dave pulls you closer against him. Almost squeezing all the oxygen out of you, increasing your desire & need to be satisfied.

“again” he whispers as the hand unhooks your jeans button, he’s excited he’s realised your wearing a lacy thong. He’s hoping it’s the blue one. He likes to sniff that one the most. You fire the next two shots. Slowly they are getting closer.

“Again”

“Dave I..” but the zip is heard loudly being undone & his hand goes inside your panties. Finding your clit instantly. You bite your lip in pleasure as he kisses your neck

“AGAIN” he says more sternly. More of a command almost full bedroom voice. The next two shots are almost there.

“Once more, then you can have it all sweetheart.” His fingers are leisurely stroking you, they are getting moist & he can’t wait to fuck you here in the target range, not caring if it’s watched by anyone else here or on cctv. He wants you to turn around in a minute & flop his large girthy cock out so he can take you hard & fast. Get out both your frustrations, & make you cum all over him & the table.

Both your faces are a gasp & stunned as you don’t even think you just fire the shoots away. Perfect placement. Top of the throat almost on top of each other.

“Fuck Me” you exclaim, proud of what you have done with your accuracy.

“Gladly” is his quick reply before it’s interrupted as you turn to face him & your lips lock with his. So passionate. So hungry. Feeling the desire you both have for each other never gets old. Dave hand on his own belt undoing it as his fingers increase his rhythm. You break from the kiss long enough to remove your vest top which is flung towards the target before you kiss him in a frenzy. His tongue will never be a stranger to your mouth, it’s pure lust & makes you more aroused.

“Dave oh Dave” you moan as 2 fingers slide inside you curling around, you’re so turned on, your expectant of his cock to grind down on any second. His eyes as shut as he buries his head into your cleavage. The wetness coming from his fingers & your desire being the only sounds you can hear. A rhythm so insane that you will be gushing in mere seconds, ready for a nice easy glide in for his penis, which is trying to get out of his trousers & boxers. It’s squelching & you are being so easy for him to take, but you know he like that every once & a while. Especially when you’re desperate to feel him fuck you hard & raw.

“Cum sweetheart, soak your stabby Murder daddys hand. I know you want to. Be a good girl & I’ll guarantee to hit the target with each thrust.” His hand can’t move any faster, it’s stimulation override & you let go.

“Fuck fuck fuck Dave” you scream. But your respite & come down will be short. His other hand has flopped his cock out.

“Look at you.” He says seeing the mess on his hand & on the table. “Well if we’re gonna get messy, let’s do this properly”Daves almost growling as his penis goes through your slick.

“Ooh baby”

“Sweetheart” & then just before he inserts himself inside you, looking at the panting sexual mess you already are, he grabs his phone & flicks to an app. “This is just for us baby” & he dims all the lights & the cctv so no one else at the target range can see or know later that Dave fucked you hard on the table for the next 30minutes. People were probably wondering if a crime was being committed, but your screams of desire as he filled you up, we’re exactly what you both needed

& you Dave did hit the target. With every single thrust.

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maximura · 1 year ago

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Favourite KPOP Songs of 2023

So I am 3 days late posting this but I wanted to do it to keep up the tradition. It's fun looking back at old lists. My criteria isn't so much based on technical merit but rather the songs that I wanted to listen to over and over again for whatever reason.

Cupid by Fifty Fifty. No doubt, this is social media's song of the year. I have never seen a song that is actually good become so organically viral, only to be reduced to absolutely nothing because of abysmal management. Not even New Jeans was this widespread this year (to me). Cupid was playing at my local supermarket and even people who know nothing about kpop loved this song. It ranks low for me because I'm definitely sick of hearing it by now. Regardless, it is still a very well written pop song.

Ayo by NCT 127. Okay, hear me out: NCT is like durian. You either completely understand why it is called the King of Fruits or you think I should be put in jail for saying that. If you are a brave connoisseur who refuses to be confined by societal pressure, then know what it's like to open your third eye and consume NCT for what they are: completely weird but never boring. It's an experience. If you don't get it, I don't know what to tell you.

Tinnitus by TXT. Temptation is my least favourite TXT album from the last 3 years but I think that is mostly due to how much I hated Sugar Rush Ride. I've been re-listening to a lot of their material again and okay, I'll give this one a pass: it's a mood. Thanks Kang Taehyun. I don't know if it was very intentional but his voice is all I hear on the final version. Man, that dude's voice always gets me somehow, I don't know how he does it.

Rover by Kai. It's not even that good of a song and yet, it was everywhere and I was gaslit into liking it. The viral dance made it the hit it became but to be fair, much of this was really down to his star power and ability to make really good choices that suit his strengths (dance first, vocals second). This is EXO Kai we are talking about after all; when he delivers, he really delivers. New Gen boys can take some notes.

Drama by Aespa. This is like Asian Junk Food. It's objectively so terrible, full of empty calories, no nutritional value but they took the Terrible and sprinkled MSG on it, so now it's TastyTerrible. As someone who wants to learn film editing, the MV is excellent and an example of top tier editing without choppy cuts. I have not noticed editing this neat and time consuming since Seventeen's 'HOT'.

Back To Me by The Rose. A group with solid talent and well written songs. I wish every success for them to be honest. I am posting the live video because they are one of those groups who are better live and won't give you The Fear watching it. I wish I could've seen them because I genuinely just love their voices and sound. They've filled the void left behind by Day 6.

Hard by Shinee. It's just your typical weird and perfect Shinee pop song but with a distinctly 90s flavour in my opinion. They are just all so talented that it's virtually impossible to ignore them. SM production is always so slick but with Shinee it is something to gild the lily rather than hard carry the entire song and group. Onew vocals never takes a day off, he was flawless even in the raw recordings.

Kitsch by IVE. It's just so cute and comforting in the way a harmless little pop song can be. It's like a fresh breeze. There's no pressure to do anything but enjoy it. In the absence of Blackpink, they are definitely my favourite girl group at the moment.

This World by Ateez. I do actually prefer it to Bouncy because it has that dystopian and almost gothic feel to it. I don't think it would've made a good title track because it's not as explosive as Bouncy but it 100% would fit into a movie or montage sequence. It absolutely goes so hard in the car, especially at night.

Flower by Jisoo. I think this was just a very smart choice for her and her team. It did not have anything too complex or overly dramatic. It suits her elegance and brand perfectly. It was also very pleasant and kinda of prettily boring? The dance was very popular and cute without being obnoxious. She is very much a Great Gowns Beautiful Gowns and "Go on girl, give us nothing!" idol but I have a soft spot for her. I can't believe we live in a world where Jisoo has the best Blackpink solo song.

3D (Alternate Version) by Jungkook. I did not like it when it was released (with that awful rap feature) but the purely Jungkook and performance versions of it really improved everything. I am really happy that Golden is as good as it is, because I think most Jungkook stans from 2013 lived in fear he would only release Mid Tier pop songs. I think most features on the album are unnecessary. Jungkook has presence and star power on his own. Everything else diluted what we all came for.

Blue Blood by IVE. It's an unexpectedly more mature sound from them and I loved it. I think the driving backing track makes this one of the best driving songs. It has this dark eloquence to it, which I always vibe with. One of their best B sides for sure.

Off The Record by IVE. This was the best track off their album this year. That title track was heinous. OTR was so calm and comforting and there is something about it that reminded me of Gfriend and OhMyGirl where it's just a good song with any histrionics. I do not think IVE suit that bad girl crush concept at all. They always had this expensive High Teen aura and it really took at hit with Baddie imo.

Ring (Unplugged/Acoustic Version) by TXT. This isn't cheating, they released this one on a July 2023 album. Even if it was cheating, I would've still put it on here. It's well written, well produced, well paced and suits everyone in the group. But personally, I always saw this as a Kang Taehyun song (even though he didn't even write it). His aura is all over it. Controversial opinion but I think this has one of Yeonjun's best rap verses because the slower tempo works so much better for his voice and flow.

Crazy Form by Ateez. Ah the Male version of Junk Food with MSG. I don't think it's anywhere near their best song but it's a good fun time and after the tough year(s) we have all had, it's nice to jam to something silly. It's very SKZ adjacent but in my opinion, with much better production and editing because the team behind Ateez are better at it. I'm also including this because it made me really see Jeong Yunho. If you know you know.

Roll With Me by Hyungwon/Shownu. Technically The H/S version of Wildfire is my favourite from them this year but since it wasn't official, I'll go with my second favourite release. It once again proves that Hyungwon is my favourite man (musically) in Monsta X. I like his style, tastes and instincts. It's true that he is my overall favourite in MX but I'm mature now! It's not just the visuals, I truly put his musical output as the number 1 reason I like him.

Standing Next To You by Jungkook. Listen, listen, listen.....I have been following this dude since 2013. I always KNEW he could give more and be more. Even though SNTY isn't even 100% of what I think he can do, it was enough for me to feel all these 10 years were not wasted lol. This deserved this stop purely for the instrumentation and production value alone. Granted, it is very westernised but good music is good music. This is the only time where a feature (remix) actually added something.

Silver Light by Ateez. The sister to Cyberpunk. It is really like its title: a sparkling God Ray of light that cuts through the darkness. It's mysterious but also so hopeful and comforting. They just scraped in with this at the last minute but it is already one of my absolutely favourite Ateez songs. Instant love from 1st listen. The type of song I wish I was more conscious and present for so I could go back to experience it again for the first time. Park Seonghwa supremacy because this is now a song I associate with him. He's not even my Ateez bias but he is my favourite and the most important Ateez member to me. How that works, I do not know.

My favourite song of 2023:

Chasing That Feeling by TXT. They achieved the trifecta in 2023 for me: favourite song, favourite lyric, favourite choreography. I'm not even going to link to the official MV because the choreography needs to be seen unobstructed and undiluted. This is the type of song that I barely have any critiques on (and if I did, they would all be minor). The type of song that I would put as my bio. The type of song I want my best friend to play at my funeral. This era was also the one that pushed Choi Soobin into my life when he knew damm well that my heart has been closed for business for the last 12 months. The power this song had on me was all consuming and cannot be overstated, ok?

#favourite songs of the year #top 2023 kpop songs #there are a lot of songs i liked but don't listen to a lot #i don't think any of this is a surprise #i'm a nice friendly pop girl now i promise #ateez #txt #tomorrow x together #exo kai #aespa #nct #5050 #jungkook #ive #monsta x

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firesnap · 2 years ago

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I despise Dream ok but the situation with 19 yo Jay shows that Jay was ghosted by 20yo Dream witth barely a platform at that point, and he also ghosted her after one day of talking too,and not to mention was there any proof that Dream had asked her for nudes? or did she just send them and he ignored them. If he did ask her for nudes, I get that would be rlly weird and disgusting. But, if she sent them and he ignored the dm then thats on her. It also doesn't look like they really flirted that much at all in the dms we do see, and the fact he also wanted to add her on discord not just snapchat in a way shows that he didn't just want to isolate her to a private social media where one wouldnt be able to ss anything since with discord you can ss any message. Not to mention Dream saying 'refreshing talking to my own age' surely he knows that Jay would be weirded out by that comment and would make a connection to it him talking to underaged fans right? so why would he say that- someone pointed out to me that the reason he says that is because he is referring to 'talking on stream to his underaged fanbase' since in 2020 Dreams fanbase was just young people, so he could of meant talking to them verbally on stream as opposed to talking to them in twitter dms, because I just don't konw why a 20 yo would tell another adult that kind of msg unless he really wanted her to think of him as a weirdo you know what I mean? It doesnt add up.

IF the msg "so refreshing to talk to someone my own age' was actually related to texting younger fans then why the hell would he tell people that ?

...why would Jay, at the time, find it weird for him to say that?? At the time there were no allegations he was talking to any fans like that let alone underaged ones.

If someone said that to me I'd take it as "wow it's nice to see not all my fans are young teens!!" or that he's delighted to talk to another adult who likes the same stuff as him. Like, that comment on its own is only weird because we have future knowledge. On its own, at the time it was sent, it seems like more gentle joking about how young his fanbase usually is.

The reason people find it appalling now is because we know age didn't really matter to him when talking to people. He just made a joke as a way to create a more "personal" relationship with the girl he was talking to right then.

Why are you assuming she sent unwanted nudes when she says she didn't.

Why are you trying so hard to defend a dude who had millions of subs and now has a consistent proven pattern of hitting on fans when this person was just showing that, yeah, this is definitely just how he is?

Love when I get messages saying "I dislike this guy" and then it's just a wall of text defending a dude who tried to be like the youtube version of some gross 70's rock star.

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freedomfireflies · 1 year ago

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WAIT BESTIE YOU LIKE 5SOS?! I JUST WENT TO MSG ON MONDAY

OMG HOW WAS IT??? I’m so happy for you!! 💞

And yes I do!! Honestly, after 5SOS5 dropped, the obsession hit me hard 😭 I’d always liked their stuff but this one really did something to me AAJSK

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the1975attheirverybest · 1 year ago

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oh I meant the show’s been well received by the fans/ attendees? I don’t think there have been any proper reviews yet? Just clickbait nonsense which I won’t count as press. I think they’re still kinda avoiding journalists/ haven’t invited anybody to their shows hahaha. (But Zane Lowe was at their gig in LA)

I agree with what you said about him being happier when he’s in a relationship and I think that’s very understandable and human and I would never judge him for not wanting to be alone - especially while navigating such an intense touring schedule…

Ooohhh I didn’t know Zane Lowe was there? Mad respect to him for appreciating the 1975 even before anyone else did.

I wonder if it’s gonna be kinda like last time when the reviews really start rolling in after MSG? I also wonder if they’re gonna film the show for Amazon prime as a sequel to the taping of ATVB thats on there? I hope they do cuz I need a 1975 double feature so I can watch it obsessively.

Yeah, definitely. He becomes the best version of himself around the people that he loves and that’s so soft and sweet of him 🥹 it’s hard, bro. Especially since, until recently, it maybe didn’t hit him just how famous he’s become hahah. What a sweetheart. 💖

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ccuurriioossiittyy · 17 hours ago

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Chapter 472: fill the void (edward scissorhands)

Tuesday, February 27, 2024

Griffen was out of town pretty much all last week, so we had to postpone our dinner date but we were chatting on and off that whole week and wanted to make plans to see each other again. He ended up inviting me, Alexia, John, Ida, and Charlie to a concert tonight with a few of the guys on his team to go see Billy Joel at MSG. They had a box and it was kinda random but it would be fun!

Honestly, things with him were going really well. I felt so good that we hit it off so quickly and both of us were clearly interested in seeing where this goes.

We were going to pre at Ida and Charlie's place in Hell's Kitchen since it was ten minutes away from the venue.

For the concert, I wore a see-through black laced tank top with a black skirt and some knee-high boots and had my hair slicked back in a ponytail. I made sure my apartment was extra clean when I left because Griff was staying over at mine tonight since he didn't wanna trek back to Brooklyn... And honestly, I was so excited to see him... I missed him!

He was out of town for games all last week, was back for a home game on Saturday, then played in Dallas last night and was off to Detroit tomorrow for a Thursday game. He was busy! But then his next two games were at home so I definitely would be seeing more of him.

Alexia and John picked me up, we got to Ida's where she had pizza and drinks ready for us all. We got there before any of the boys and Charlie was meeting us at the concert after work and we all just chatted.

"I think we're gonna stay in the city this summer," said Alexia looking at John.

"It's always so busy, I need to stay in town," he shrugged as we all were sipping on champagne and my heart was racing, waiting for Griffen to be here.

"Do you know where you're working?" Asked Ida. "Like your residency is with the same surgeon?"

"Mhm," Alexia nodded.

"I can't wait to have a bestie whose a plastic surgeon," she laughed.

"Right?!" I agreed elbowing Lex.

"Don't fucking let me touch you guys for like, five years, at least!" She exclaimed.

"You're doing my tits after I have kids," I said sipping my champagne and John muttered "Jesus" under his breath.

We played some music, just chatted, got out a stack of cards and were loosely playing King's Cup for a bit when Griffen and the boys showed up.

He looked amazing as he always did, chewing gum, walking in with his crew of tall, jacked men, carrying his beers. We all hugged allthe boys, John dabbed them up, and when Griff came over to me he wrapped me in his arms and I took a big inhale to his cologne.

Missed this. Missed him.

"Hey Megs," he said as I held onto his back.

"Hey you," I smirked looking up at him as he kissed my forehead.

Shortly after their arrival, we took some shots, played a drinking game or two before our driver's came and we had to go. Thankfully because we were in a box we got to go in the special entrance at MSG so it was a smooth entry and we didn't need to worry about being seen and we got escorted to our box, Griff holding my hand the entire way there.

It was going to be a fun night, I could feel it. I really liked hanging out with this group of boys and a handful of them had brought their girlfriends (meeting us at the box), who I got to meet and Griff introduced me to them which also made me excited.

From what I had heard the whole "WAG" family was pretty hard to break into and the wives and girlfriends were used to random bitches coming and going, but they were so lovely to me and asking how me and Griffen met. So it made me feel good to be accepted. I also wanted them to like me because it would reflect well onto Griffen.

"I can't believe we're here," I giggled to Matt as we sat in the leather chairs as Billy finished Piano Man, "I never thought I'd be at a Billy Joel concert," I laughed.

"Not your speed?" Laughed Matt.

"Not particularly," I smirked.

"Me neither, to be honest," laughed Matt. "This was Ilya's doing!"

"Ah!" I nodded, looking over and seeing Alexia sitting on John's lap, giggling and kissing... They were smashed.

"Here you go," said Griff from behind me, handing me another tequila soda.

"Thanks Griff!" I exclaimed, as he leaned against my seat, putting his arm around my shoulder and I put my arm around his waist. "Are you having fun?" I asked Griffen, looking up at him.

"Loads," he smiled down at me before sipping his beer.

He was so perfect, from every angle. He looked so cute in his big t-shirt and backwards hat, and I could see his chain sitting in front of the Jacquemus logo.

Sexy.

Suddenly, the keys to Vienna begin to play.

"Oh! I actually know this one too!" I exclaimed popping up from the chair excitedly.

We all then stood up at the edge of the box to get the best view as Vienna begin to play, Griffen standing on a platform behind me, his arms wrapped around my neck, and I held onto his hands with my free hand, holding my drink in the other, swaying and singing along. We all as a crowd sung along together, laughing, and toward the end of the song Griffen leaned forward and kissed me.

I loved how public he was being with me in front of his friends. He was proud to show me off.

At the end of the song, when the crowd was cheering I turned around and we kissed for a bit, both so drunk, and ready to go home to be alone together.

"You're coming back to mine after, right?" I asked my arms around his neck.

"Am I?" He smirked.

"You are." I responded.

"If you say so," he said as he leaned forward and pecked me. "Come on, let's go get a drink."

He took me by the hand and we disappeared into the back of the box where Matt, Alexia, and Ilya were chatting after the song.

"Well, that was fucking awesome," laughed Ilya as we walked over.

"That was pretty cool," agreed Matt sipping a beer.

"John and I are probably going to head out," said Alexia looking at her phone.

"Why? No Stout for you?" Asked Ilya.

"I have class in the morning," she frowned. "And I am dragging John home with me, sorry boys."

"You coming Smith?" Asked Matt.

Griffen and I both looked at each other and I knew based on the look on our faces we both just wanted to go home and fuck. Alexia clearly could tell too because she just laughed and walked away.

"Okay, I see how it is," laughed Matt.

"No Stout Meg?" Asked Ilya.

"I don't even know what that is."

"Great pub food not too far from here," replied Griff putting his arm around my shoulder. "I dunno, I think we were just going to head back to Meg's, order some food and get to bed," he shrugged.

"I have never seen this man turn down Stout!" Exclaimed Matt.

I laughed looking at Griffen, I still wanted to be chill and give him the option.

"We can go-?" I started.

"Yes Meg!" Clapped Matt.

"We'll see, we'll see," said Griffen.

We didn't stay. I would have been more inclined if Ida was going but her and Charlie were heading back home too and I really didn't want to intrude on a team and their wives night. Plus, Griffen seemed pretty adamant on just heading back to mine. So we called our car and headed back to my apartment.

I sat in the middle seat of the SUV, legs crossed typing on my phone just responding to some texts as Griffen had his hand on my thigh.

"I swear my voice is gone," I croaked, putting my hand to my throat, looking up from my phone and at Griff and he chuckled as the slight rasp in my voice.

"I thought you didn't know any of his songs?"

"I really don't! I don't know why I can't speak... I hope I'm not getting sick."

"Me too," he agreed, resting his head on my shoulder and I smiled.

"You're fucked. If I'm sick, you're sick."

"I know." He agreed. "I'm going to order us food, what do we want?" He asked taking out his phone and pulling out his Uber Eats app.

"If we order it and we're already home, you have to go down to the lobby and get it."

"No! You get it," he laughed.

"Why would I get it?!" I chuckled.

"Its your apartment, you're more familiar. I'm new here."

"Oh shut the fuck up," I laughed.

"Fine, then we go together... Maybe if I order it now it will be there when we arrive?"

"No, we're only ten minutes away... I want pizza."

"Okay, I'm down."

We scrolled together on his UberEats and then picked our pizza order, with fries, and cookies. We got to my apartment, I put on pyjamas, while Griffen had to be in his jeans and t-shirt. We cuddled and watched some episodes of Modern Family while waiting, then when the food came Griffen went down and got it (as I knew he would) and then when it arrived, we mucked it.

Wednesday, February 28, 2024

We laid on my couch, under the blanket, both of us having heavy eyes... If he was going to not have sex with me tonight then he liked me. It would confirm everything I felt. That this was just so much more than sex and that we actually had a good connection.

I let out a loud exhale.

"Tired?" Said Griff.

"What gave it away?" I giggled, as the TV was the only thing lighting up the room.

"The big dramatic yawn," he chuckled, my feet on his lap, as I turned my head to look at him.

"It wasn't dramatic," I smirked, flipping onto my back and he looked at me.

"You're cute."

"So are you," I replied, batting my eyes.

It had been awhile since I felt like this.

"Do you know what time it is? I've lost my phone," I said using my hands to feel around on the couch.

He pulled his phone out of his pocjets.

"12:54," he replied.

"It's the last day in February then."

"Indeed." He said, "wanna head to bed?" He asked.

"Only if you do," I shrugged.

"C'mon," he exhaled, lifting my feet off him. "Let's go."

We got up, went to my washroom, washed our faces, brushed our teeth and I changed into my little tank top and booty short pyjamas while Griffen was just in his underwear and we crawled into my bed. He asked me to give him a face massage, so I sat on his lap, as he leaned against my headboard as I gently massages his perfect porcelain skin, letting my thumbs rub against his stubble.

"You're good with your hands" he said, his eyes closed and I chuckled.

"So I've been told."

Toward the end I leaned forward and slowly kissed his lips and it was so silent and there was only the sound of us kissing.

I leaned back and Griffen looked at me and tucked my hair behind his ear.

He leaned forward and began to kiss me more passionately, before he pushed me off of him and I sat there watching him get on his knees and tower over me before he pinned me on the bed,

"Show me how badly you want it," he muttered into my ear in a low voice.

* * *

I laid in bed, on Griffen's warm, bare chest, as he stroked my hair.

"What's the worst thing you've ever done?" I asked.

"Hphm," chuckled Griffen. "What kinda question is that?"

"It's a half drunk, half asleep, post sex, kinda question."

"Valid," said Griffen. "I dunno. I've treated some girls pretty bad, been. big, big dick," he laughed. "I've punched a few guys."

"That's not so terrible."

"I guess not... What about you?"

"Got so into drugs I nearly killed myself," I chuckled. "That's probably top tier... No hurting others, just myself."

"That's probably not true. Definitely affected those around you."

"Oh yeah, for sure... I was actually engaged when I did that."

"What!?" Laughed Griff in disbelief. "You're a baby, how on earth have you been engaged?"

"I was young and stupid. I wasn't even 20, it's too fucked to get into."

"High school boyfriend?"

"Something like that," I smirked.

Boyfriend? No, groomer.

"Is it bad I think it's kinda sexy you got addicted to something so euphoric?" He chuckled moving his hand to my bare back.

"I've never heard it be coined as sexy, but I like the spin on it... To be fair, the thought of you getting in fights is sexy."

"You've seen me play hockey, you've definitely seen that before," he chuckled.

"Yeah, but off the ice... That's different... Just high school scuffs?"

"Something like that," he said repeating my tone and cadence and I laughed.

"Touche."

"Honestly Meg, I don't talk about this much. But I beat the shit out of my dad... He was cheating on my mom. Found out heading into my junior year of high school, overheard my parents and just fucking lost it."

"Oh my God," I said softly popping my head up from his chest. "I mean that's a lot more serious, I don't give a fuck that it was your dad, he deserved it... But the whole cheating thing, that's a lot."

"Turns out he'd been doing it for years, but I just went back and lost it. He was on the ground, one of my good buddies, Clay, he was there and pulled me off of him. It was so fucked, my dad tried calling the cops on me but my mom just stepped in." He trembled through the words, not even looking at me but staring straight ahead at my ceiling.

"They split shortly after and I haven't really seen him since. My brother still talks to him but I couldn't even look at him..."

"Has he reached out at all?"

"He's tried, only since I got big and he could get something from me... I mean he's a fuck up, he was an alcoholic and had been doing fucked shit since I was a kid, getting so drunk, home late, drunk driving while in the car with my brother and I. Fucking would do crazy ass shit if I didn't play hockey well. Left me in a parking lot whenever I didn't play a good enough, I'd be like twelve and he'd tell me to figure out myself how to get home... Then when I played well, he was so proud of me, would spend the rest of the day with me, let me do whatever... So much fucking back and forth, didn't realize how much it fucked with me," he sighed shaking his head.

I let him speak, didn't interrupt. I was touched he trusted me so much.

"I'm rambling," he smirked looking at me finally.

"I'm listening."

He leaned forward and kissed my forehead, placing my head back on his chest.

"My mom was the only one who I knew what I was getting, only consistent parent. So when I found out what my dad had been doing it to her, I just lost it. I blacked out. And I wouldn't even take any of it back... I'd do it again to be honest, Meg."

"I can't imagine how tough it was."

"Would have been better to not even have had a father than to have him."

"Maybe," I nodded softly.

I kissed his chest and pulled him into a hug.

And he hugged me back, both of us on the side of our stomachs, our bodies pressed together.

"He was inconsistent, with everyone. And sometimes I think i got that, the worst of him, I think I got. Inconsistent with how I play, inconsistent with my habits, how I even am with girlfriends.. That bastard fucked me up," he laughed, although both of us knew none of this was funny.

"I mean you're incredibly self aware."

"Every girl I've ever fucked has told me the same thing. At some point I realized they weren't crazy bitches, at least not with that, and thought there may be some truth to it... I don't even know why I'm saying all this."

"It came up," I muttered into his chest.

"I've turned out pretty okay though, all things considered."

"And your mum?"

"She remarried, a great guy. David. He's been more of a father to me than my dad ever was."

"Good, I'm glad. She deserves that."

"She does."

"Not me though, she doesn't deserve me, I'm a monster."

"No Griffen, don't even say that."

"I do some pretty fucked things Meg, you just haven't been around long enough to see it. I'm probably going to do something fucked to you, I'm a creature of habit." He chuckled

"No. Not a monster. You're just a broken man," I replied. He wasn't scaring me. But him sharing his trauma was pulling me in even more, everything he said made so much sense, and I could see how he was so hot and cold.

I ran my fingers up and down his back, scratching it.

"God, you could get me to tell you anything with that," he mumbled, referring to the back scratches.

"I'm not gonna pry." I replied softly.

He exhaled before rolling onto his back and letting go of me as he rubbed his face with both hands and I sat up on my side, watching him curiously.

"Griff, you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah," he responded. "I don't really know what I told you any of that," he chuckled moving his hands onto his stomach as he stared at the ceiling.

"I'm not gonna say anything-"

"No, no, it's not that," he smirked looking at me.

Was he regretting opening up just moments later?

"Just not, something I like doing, or going over. It's all good Meg."

"We'll never talk about it again," I shrugged.

"Yeah," he nodded, before sitting up and holding onto my face and kissing my head.

We both then got under the covers, Griffen pulling my big duvet over us both and I turned onto my side and he kissed my shoulder and then put his leg on top of mine and I closed my eyes.

I was glad he trusted me enough to tell me that, even if he later regretted it... Also, knowing that information made things very clear to me. A lot of his behaviour made sense... He liked me, he just was not sure how he should behave and his trauma definitely made him scared to get close to people, let alone let his guard down enough to like someone and fall in love.

I still liked him so much. I liked him even more.

Hours after falling asleep, I woke up in the night, rolling over half asleep, my eyes still shut, wanting to go back to sleep and I could no longer feel Griff around me. I turned over and reached my arms out and could feel the sheets pulled back.

I half-opened my eyes to see a glass of water on his side of the bed and the sheets moved to the side... He was in the washroom.

I exhaled, closing my eyes again and tucking my arms into my body.

* * *

My phone dinged a few times, before it finally woke me up. I opened my eyes and grabbed my phone from the side of my bed, where it was tucked in between my bedframe and mattress as I looked at the time.

"Sorry," I whispered, turning my phone on silent. I wondered how long it had been dinging before I woke up...

9:47 a.m.

I had a Zoom meeting in a few hours and I need to go over and make some notes for. I skipped through the notifications, all from Kelly, Walker and Noelle, before putting my phone on do not disturb.

I looked over to the other side. It was empty. The glass of water was still there, sheets still pulled back.

My heart sank and my chest felt like it collapsed on itself.

He'd left. He just had gotten up and left... Why didn't he wake me up?

Why did he go?

I wanted to cry.

Why wasn't he there? Why did he just run out without saying anything? It felt so rude.

Was it something I said? Did I not handle the conversation about his dad well?

My train of focus switched from my thoughts to my physical expression when I felt a tear fall from both of my eyes and could feel the muscle strain from my face pouting but trying to hold it in.

I quickly grabbed my phone again and looked for a text, or a miss call, even a DM from him... Just for some indication that he left or why. But there was nothing.

And when I saw there was nothing, the shitty feeling of waking up alone sunk in, and I just begin to cry. I had never had this happen. I've never had some guy just run out of me and not say anything.

I never thought I would take something like this so personally but I did... And I just couldn't help but cry.

This was an awful feeling...

Was this it? Was I ever going to see him again?

I hated to admit it, but I would be really sad if that was it. I didn't mean to get so attached, but I really liked him from the get go. He made me feel something I hadn't felt in a while. We had good conversations, good chemistry, great sex, and our friends got along. I wasn't really ready for that to be over, and if that was it... Then I was going to be left really sad and heart broken.

As stupid as it was - because we really had not known each other for long - I really liked him and felt good about where we were going.

God, and how embarrassing this was. For him to just leave like that.

I just felt so used. And honestly, I felt stupid.

I let myself cry and be sad for a few more minutes, hiding with my hands over my head, before I knew I had to get ready for my day.

I showered, cleaned my room, got ready, threw in some laundry, then sat in my office making notes for my on my meeting, all while anxiously picking up my phone every five minutes, just hoping Griffen would just say something.

About thirty minutes before my meeting, I just felt so sick. I felt so anxious that my appetite had gone out the door and I had that awful, deep knot in my stomach... I just needed to turn off my phone and accept that it really might be it and we might be done.

But right now I had work to do and I needed to focus. I could be sad and spiral tomorrow.

Maybe going on that trip to Turks wouldn't be so bad after all?

"Good morning everyone!" I exclaimed, putting on a big smile and a cheerful voice as I joined the Zoom call to discuss my potential collaboration and campaign with Aritzia.

* * *

When the call ended, after about an hour and a half going over contract terms, which my obligations and the timelines might be, etc., I got off the call and stretched.

I was excited. Aritzia was one of my favourite brands growing up, it still was. And they had never done a collaboration like this with anybody, maybe campaigns with Kendall and Emma Chamberlain, but never a design and campaign with a model... I think because I was Canadian too it was a good precedent.

The excitement and anticipation to receive the contract quickly wore off when I picked up my phone and it didn't instantly light up... because it was off. Because it was off because I was so bothered by not seeing Griff text me.

I felt sick again.

God, why was I being like this? We weren't even officially a thing.

I unlocked my phone and it was still silent, nothing from Griffen and the hole in my heart got bigger.

How could this already be over? We didn't even get a fair shot?

I went to Instagram and my fan accounts that I followed were popping off and exploding all over my timeline and even friends of mine had dm'd me something. Once I saw the photos or the cover of the Instagram Reels I knew exactly what it was.

"Fuck me," I muttered to myself.

I felt really fucking stupid about this all now.

Before I even could click the videos, I saw someone had dm'd me a link to the Daily Mail article and Instagram photo, so iIwent to the Daily Mail article... They always had such nonsense, but had ever single tiny piece of information.

I clicked the video titled, "Megan Kerr and Islander's forward Griffen Smith KISS at Billy Joel", and it was a clip, filmed from someone in the crowd, below us, showing Griffen and I swaying to Vienna, me kissing his hand, and then us turning around and kissing... I mean, it was kinda cringe... But we both were so drunk.

Also, at least we both looked hot. He looked so sexy and perfect, and I was looking very sexy and happy so whatever, if there was any video to be out there, I am glad it was this. He looked obsessed with me.

It made me feel less crazy because he looked into me so now when I had to deal with the fact we were done, people wouldn't think I just got ghosted... Because he looked so into me.

Obviously, I would prefer to have nobody in the world know, but it was what it was.

I wonder if Griff had seen it. And if so, did he think I had leaked this or approved of this to get his attention? Hopefully he'd be smart enough to know how this shit worked and I would know better than to leak a video of myself.

Nobody really had anything substantive to say online, just all these "are they? Aren't they?" theories online, and then DeuxMoi saying this is the first they had heard about it.

I wondered if Daniel had seen it... Even if he did he probably wouldn't care... But I still hoped it would hurt him just a little bit and he would have time to think about what he lost. Especially that I was making out with someone so much sexier than him who also were good at their job and a professional athlete who could perform at their job... Something he still struggled to do.

I went about my day, went to a pilates class, got some groceries and then walking into my lobby I was stopped by the concierge.

"Ah! Miss Kerr," said the front deskman, one who was only there once or twice a week.

"Hi," I smiled taking my airpod out as I held the brown paper bag in my hand.

"Something came for you," he said.

"Oh," I paused walking over to the desk.

He turned around and went into a backroom.

I looked down at my phone to see no more notifications and I just went from feeling sad and stupid to angry.

When the man came back he was holding probably 40 roses in brown wrapping with a string and my jaw dropped a little.

"Oh!" I exclaimed.

He handed me the roses that came with a note attached to it and I briefly looked at it to decide whether I should take these or not.

I didn't read it but just saw a " - Griff" on them and a smile grew on my face.

"Thank you so much," I said looking up a the gentleman and I could now read his name tag, "Cecil."

"Of course Ms. Kerr, do you need a hand getting to the elevator?"

"No, thank you so much." I smiled.

I walked into the elevator, feeling ten pounds lighter. I don't even know what the note said but this guy had just sent me like fifty roses. I felt a bit silly carrying all these roses but it was super thoughtufl.

I paused and took a photo of myself holding up the bouquet of roses in the mirror in the elevator and then practically raced to my apartment to read the note and get these in some water.

Meg,

Thanks for the pizza and chats last night. You're a lovely girl. Sorry I had to go last night. I'm not good at these things. But thanks for being you and ensuring me I'm not a monster :) Hopefully these make up for my quick exit... I'm excited for whatevers next.

- Griff

I squealed like a little girl reading that message and took a photo of it and took a zillion photos of the roses.

I wanted to call him and thank him but I was still worried about being too much, so I just texted him telling him I just got home and had a "lovely surprise" waiting for me at home.

He then being him teased me back and asked if there was enough or if he needed to send more before I could forgive him

We were so on.

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