#this has been just sitting in my drafts for literal months bc i wanted to try to get back to everyone around the same time

[ranger-kellyn]

you know like. in hindsight. the biggest evidence of me being gay and on the aro spectrum was like. in elementary school when all the other girls were starting to go through the whole "celebrity crush" thing with like...dylan and cole sprouse and zac efron and like. idk. jesse mccartney. i just remember always internally being like "what the heck are any of you even tALKING ABOUT" and then actually seeing them on tv or something and being like????? i still don't??? get it??????????????? and i remember just picking someone just to have an answer bc it was asked an annoying amount of times and not because i genuinely had any sort of crush on them and like.......

[cashmoneyyysstuff]

bakugo and reader meeting again after a long time like maybe katsu has been away on a mission and he just misses us so much 🥹

anon this is literally such an adorable request!! This has been sitting in my drafts for the longest time cus i could never rlly figure out what i wanted to do with this, but as soon as i got the inspo i got to it !! im so so sososuuupperr sorry for making you wait so long and if you’re still sticking around, I LUB YOU !! anyways, i tried honoring this lovely sweet request as best i could, if you’re reading, i truly hope you enjoy (and all of you ofc!!) <33

fem reader, jus pure fluffy fluff ! katsuki n reader watch selling sunsets bc my mom does lmfaoo this ones for you momma, kissing, biting (lol will i ever stop), lemme know if i missed sum else !

katsuki regrets planning this surprise.

it’s been one month. exactly 31 days since he’s last seen you. one month he had to survive off of late night phone calls and good morning messages.

katsuki had slowly but surely started climbing up the ranks as a hero ever since he’d gone independent and this mission was a huge steppingstone to victory.

except it involved him going abroad for a month.

you’d congratulated him when he’d told you. you hugged him hard and offered him your brightest sunshine smile, you’d made him dance around your little living room with you, celebrating his ‘rise to stardom’ as you’d called it and he remembers chuckling about it. you’d even gone out of your way and made his favorite to celebrate. but now katsuki understand you were probably doing that so as not to worry him.

he's known you for a long while and he knows you know he can tell when you’re lying, so he was sure you were happy for him. (you can’t fake anything from him and especially not the way you smile, he’s committed that to memory). and you truly looked happy for him, but he knows youwell enough to know that you were also devastated to find out he was leaving for so long. he’d seen the way your eyes widened and your shoulders dropped. but knowing you, you probably powered through it so as not to make him worry.

so stupid. you’re stupid. and he misses you so much.

despite you being in different time zones you make it work. he made sure to be updated daily and called you every time it was time for you to go to bed to make sure you got some well needed sleep and not staying up late mindlessly scrolling through your feed.

you send him pictures of everything happening throughout your day and you’d hound him about his, asking him if he’d eaten well and if he’d beat up any bad guys. and no matter how minuscule his actions were you’d always praise him. as somewhat childish as he knew it was katsuki still walked with his head up high for the rest of the day. if it was to impress you and make you proud, he’d be on the clock 24/7. but, knowing you, you’d get mad at him for overworking himself.

he misses you so much.

he’s on the plane. making his way back home to you a day before he’d told you he would be, his surprise. you’d been so excited, your squeals ringing through the phone, katsuki just couldn’t wipe the smile of his face and goddamnit he tried.

“ou, i can’t wait ! i missed you sooo much, katsu !” you chirped, he couldn’t wait to hear your voice in real life again instead of through his phone.

“yeah, missed you too sweets” he hums, packing up the last of his stuff.

“you better be ready cus when you get back, m��not gonna let you go for a whole month.” you tease, giggling. katsuki huffs out a laugh, looking down at his luggage ready to go as he’d fully finished packing up while you were on the phone.

“uhuh~?” he muses “better be ready for me when i get back. yer not goin’ anywhere either. no bathroom breaks when we're cuddling.”

“ew,” you snort “what am i supposed to do if i have to pee ?”

“that sounds like a you problem, sweetheart.”

you laugh and laugh and katsuki smiles, he couldn’t wait to be able to hear and see it again. expect not one phone call away, like he’d told you he always would be when you’d accompanied him to the airport all teary eyed, but in real life.

except now he’s starting to regret not just coming home on time.

don’t get him wrong, the sooner he gets to you the better. he’d meant it when he told you he wouldn’t let you go and as somewhat embarrassing as it is to him that he had gotten so clingy, being away from you for so long really did a number on him. distance makes the heart grow fonder his ass, he was more than fond of you when he was laying next to you every night instead of all alone in his hotel bed.

but right now he’s way too antsy. he wants to tell you about how he’ll be home soon to hear you squeal and giggle, but he sucks it up in favor of surprising you.

it’ll be worth it. at least that’s what he tried to convince himself when he finished packing up. and on his way to the airport. and on the plane..

who even thought of this stupid surprise idea anyway ?!

he can’t sit still. he has to stop himself from tapping his foot against the floor and shuffling around in his seat. the guy in front of him keeps reclining his seat back but it doesn’t bother him that much, because all he needs is to remember your smile and remember he’s coming home to you, and he feels his nerves settle. recliner-seat-guy be damned.

it’s pitch black by the time he’s off the plane and finally back home. when he checks his phone he sees it’s 2:09 am and you’re no doubt dead asleep by now, he smiles at his phone screen when he sees you smiling back at him.

his limbs suddenly feel heavier the higher the numbers show on the screen inside the elevator to his floor. his body buzzes with excitement but for some reason he can’t help feeling nervous. katsuki knows it’s stupid because you tell him every day how much you miss him and how excited you are to see him. all he wants right now is to see you.

he fumbles around a bit when he fits his keys into the door to walk into your tiny shared apartment and when he finally walks back inside, katsuki is reminded why he does this. why he’s been gone for exactly 31 days.

he kicks his shoes off quietly and sees yours left right by the door like they always are. like he always wants them to be. he wants to come home to your shoes by the door and to you smiling at him brightly and greeting him, or beckoning him over to the couch because you’ve been waiting all day to watch your favorite show with him. (he’s forbidden you from watching any episode of selling sunsets without him, the last time you did he got cranky at you for a good 2 hours.)

katsuki sneaks over to your room, socked feet padding over to the door quietly cracking it open. he’d managed to convince you to move in with him a few months ago, claiming it’d lower costs and yapping about how you practically lived here anyway. it was barely anything to get used to, it felt natural, like this was everything his life was leading up to. but he wants to give you everything you deserve and this cramped little apartment is definitely not it.

he wants to give you a cosy little house, or a penthouse or even a fucking mansion if that was what you wanted, as long as he could be there with you he didn’t care. he’d do whatever he could to get you everything you dreamed of at the flick of a wrist. and that’s why, as annoying and lonely as it was to be without you for so long, he’d pushed through.

katsuki needs to save people, and he wants to. but everything he does, he does with you in a little corner of his mind.

you’re fast asleep like he’d expected, katsuki huffs out a laugh, brushing at your cheek with his finger. his heart almost explodes when you try to lean into the faint touch and he can’t help it anymore. he sits down by your side and kisses your cheek. once, two times, three times and a little one on your nose. if he wasn’t feeling all mushy he’d be an asshole and bite you, but you look so cute he’ll put that off for now.

your nose scrunches up and your eyebrows furrow at the wet kiss onto your skin, you instinctively go to rub at your face with a whine, katsuki chuckles to himself when you open your eyes and the lack of distance between you both meaning your quite literally face to face with him.

“katsu..?” you mumble sleepily “ ‘m i dreamin’ ?”

katsuki chuckles, eyes soft “glad to know ya dream about me, but nah, this isn't a dream.”

you blink sleepily, and katsuki recognize those bright eyes he so loves gleaming the more you wake up “katsuki !” you squeal, wrapping your arms around him and pulling him straight against your collarbone, since he was practically nose to nose with you before he knocks against your chin but you both don’t care.

katsuki crawls into bed and wraps his arms around you tightly, snickering into your neck and you into his hair. you squeeze and squeeze him so hard he thinks you’ll suffocate him but he couldn’t care less, squeezing you like he’s trying to mold you to him.

you breathe him in and he flips you both over with you giggling uncontrollably. you topple over and land straight into his chest. you lift your head up with stars in your eyes like he’d hung up the moon for you and katsuki smirks back softly. because he would. he’d hang up the moon and the stars and more.

all for you.

“you’re back !” you chirp, kissing all over his face. katsuki feels his cheeks hurt, this is the hardest and longest he’d smiled in a month.

“how’d you figure that one out ?” you roll your eyes at his sarcastic remark, blowing lip bubbles against his cheeks as punishment. he playfully pushes your face away from him and you laugh.

“i thought you weren’t coming back until tomorrow..” you quickly reach over to your nightstand to check your phone then throw it back down.

“it is tomorrow.” katsuki quips, already getting back to being a smart ass, you roll your eyes but you can’t wipe off the happy look on your face.

“you know what i mean, asshole” you jokingly narrow your eyes at his smug face and press a finger against his cheek “later tomorrow i mean. was gonna surprise you and you….out-surprised, me” you pout at your ruined plans.

he turns his face so he can sink his teeth into your pointer finger and you quietly squeal in disapproval, he smirks “was gonna, but couldn’t wait anymore. needed to see you.” he pulls you closer to run his nose against your pulse point “felt like i was gonna go fucking crazy if i stayed with those other bastards for a second longer.”

you giggle, placing your hands against his shoulders as he kisses up and down your shoulder and neck haphazardly “ don’t be mean.” you scold.

he lifts his head up to raise a brow at you, hands running up and down your sides “you mean to tell me you wanted me to stay away? didn’t miss me ?” he jokes, squeezing your hips harshly.

“of course i did. missed you so much i felt my heart would tear up sometimes..” you smiles sadly, running your fingers through his blond strands, he frowns "but i'm glad you're back now."

"yeah, and m'not leaving again for a damn long while." he squeezes you so hard he lifts you up in his lap a little bit and a surprised noise leak out of you. he lifts his head up from your chest to smirk at you in challenge "you're gonna have to get used to me and my big mouth all over again."

your heart squeezes, you feel like it'll bursts from happiness and katsuki wonders if he' supposed to feel this happy, if it's okay to be this content with one person. but only for a moment, because he's greedy, so so greedy for you. and he doesn't care if it's wrong because he gets to make you happy, to make you smile and laugh, to have you.

and katsuki does everything for you, so he gives himself to you without a second thought.

you hum, placing your hands against his soft cheeks to press your lips to his "got a month worth of your big mouth i need to catch up on." you whisper before finally closing the distance. you both immediately sigh in relief at the contact, being able to feel each other like this again. you smile into the kiss and katsuki thinks he's never felt more at peace.

after a month, exactly 31 days, katsuki's finally back.

bonus :

"hey." katsuki ask, you snuggle into his side and hum.

"did you watch any episodes of selling sunsets without me ?"

you stiffen.

"n-noooo..." the sheets shuffle and crinkle when katsuki looks down at you. you shrink into yourself.

"maybe one or two.." you squeak out meekly. immediately he's flipping you over and pouncing on you.

"fuckin' traitor." he growls.

"i'm sorry i couldn't help myself !" you wheeze when he starts tickling your sides, kicking at the sheets "it's been a month !" you screech trying to catch your breath.

"yeah i know that !" he exclaims, ignoring the way you're thrashing around as he mercilessly tickles you.

"i'm soooorryy !!"

[gasstationlady]

GUTS | a lando norris social media au | pt. 1

pairing: lando norris x singer!reader, ex!drew starkey x reader

y/n l/n’s latest album is speculated to be about her ex. however, she already moved on.

note: fc is olivia rodrigo! i hope the quality of the photos are okay, everytime i saved my drafts on my phone they became blurry :(

disclaimer: no hate to drew!! i just needed a famous ex. also so sorry for any grammar mistakes or typos!!

masterlist ⋆ next

yourusername

liked by oliviarodrigo, yourbestie and 4,779,774 others

yourusername ❤️❤️❤️❤️

View all 33,719 comments

yourbestie soooooo proud of you 🥹 this album is amazing

user teenage dream made me BAWL i love you 😭😭

user MISS Y/N, YOU HAVE DONE IT AGAIN

oliviarodrigo obsessed.

user omg are the songs about drew

enews

41,202 likes

enews In Y/n’s new album, “Guts,” Y/n shares information on her old relationship with Drew Starkey. The pair started dating last year until ultimately breaking up in the beginning of 2023.

View all 2,978 comments

user omggg this is the drama i’ve been waiting for

user you guys really chose to focus on this when not even half the songs are about drew

user this album saved 2023

yourusername

liked by yourbestie, bellahadid and 6,313,074 others

tagged yourbestie and conangray

yourusername some GUTS bts, still can’t believe it’s out but i’m so happy it’s yours!!!! been sitting on these songs for a few months and although some of them are a little outdated, they still mean a lot to me!!

View all 36,295 comments

conangray spilling my guts absolutely everywhere

yourbestie LETS GO GUTS

user album has in fact been on repeat since the release🫡

user “a little outdated” girl please elaborate you can’t leave us hanging like that 😭😭

f1updates

28,459 likes

f1updates Lando Norris with fans in New York! Most likely staying there until the #SingaporeGP

View all 763 comments

user 🤤

user what is he doing in new york?

↳ user no literally bc it’s kinda sus there’s no reason for him to be there 😭😭

user ugh he looks so good

deuxmoi

57,380 likes

deuxmoi 🚨 NEW COUPLE ALERT 🚨

View all 1,128 comments

user obviously it’s y/n l/n but which driver???

user you guys are srsly bored

user kinda iconic of her to go from drew to an f1 driver

↳ user fr i just know drew has to be feeling some type of way rn

user Y/N DATING AN F1 DRIVER WAS NOT ON MY 2023 BINGO CARD

yourusername

liked by yourbestie, zendaya and 2,116,844 others

yourusername soooo excited to be performing at the @/VMAs!!! make sure to tune in on Tuesday at 8pm on #MTV

View all 2,351 comments

yourbestie talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, showstopping, spectacular, never the same, totally unique, completely never been done before

zendaya AHH can't wait!!

user wait am i crazy or am i connecting the dots right now

landonorris

liked by danielricciardo, charlesleclerc and 1,950,468 others

landonorris Quick NY stop

View all 5,233 comments

danielricciardo Where was my invite?

↳ landonorris ...

user IS THIS A SOFT LAUNCH OMFG

↳ user the fact that he was the one to soft launch first IM CRYING she's living my dream 😭

user is that y/n 😭😭

user GUYS ITS HAPPENING

drewstarkey

834,801 likes

drewstarkey bad idea right?

View all 6,689 comments

user this is so messy omg 😭😭

user NO HE DID NOT

↳ user wait i'm so confused why are people freaking out?

↳ user "bad idea right?" is one of the songs y/n wrote about him and the song literally talks about her wanting to go back to him

user posting this right after guts and lando's soft launch is CRAZY

[junekissed]

happy ending

member — husband!junhui x f reader genre — angst, fluff, hurt/comfort word count — 6.6k synopsis — a pointless argument escalates until both of you need some space, but it couldn't come at a worse time. warnings — female reader, planned pregnancy, there's a big argument but i tried to not make it too toxic (jun and reader have a happy & healthy relationship i promise), swearing, there is a happy ending lots of fluff !! notes — requested by anon — this has been sitting in my drafts for months bc every time i look at it i get shy and wanna change my mind but i'm proud of how this turned out so i'm posting it finally! i know pregnancy fics aren't everyone's favorite but this was honestly very comforting to write so i hope anyone who chooses to read can find comfort in it as well <3 also the last time i proofread this was like april and if i try to proofread it rn i'll get shy again and chicken out so if there's any mistakes pls ignore! i hope you enjoy :)

you sat on the bathroom floor, trying to comprehend the weight of the news you held in your hand. you couldn’t believe it. you could? you couldn’t. 

after many months of trying to start a family with your husband, you had finally succeeded. the slim plastic stick with two tiny pink lines was the last piece of evidence you needed. it had been months of carefully tracked cycles, fertility doctors, and new positions that seemed too weird to actually do anything. but now, everything was finally falling into place.

you don’t know exactly how much time you spend sitting on the floor and staring at the pregnancy test; thinking, planning, and thinking some more. but when you finally stand up and place the positive test on the counter with shaking hands, it still hasn’t fully sunk in yet what’s happening. something you’d wanted for so long, and finally it was all right in front of you.

what do you do now? no— you know exactly what you need to do, and it’s a long list of things. the real question is, where do you begin?

you thought back to all the videos you’d watched over the last few weeks. somehow every social media algorithm knew exactly what you wanted to see, and it had given it to you in abundance; baby showers, gender reveals, those “get ready with me - new mom edition” videos. all getting your hopes up before you could confirm whether or not it had finally happened.

with your hopes high and expectations even higher, you were already beginning to plan how you would break the news to junhui. as your husband and your soon-to-be baby’s father, of course you wanted him to be the very first person to know, so you couldn’t wait too long to tell him. you couldn’t wait to see the look on his face.

maybe you’d get a little gift box and give the test to him before dinner. but, then again, it was literally a piece of plastic you’d peed on. surely you could give him… something a little nicer than that.

maybe you could buy a baby outfit and wrap it up for him. but you remembered he’d mentioned so many times about how excited he would be to pick out clothes once you got pregnant. you would want him to have the honor of picking out the very first one, going to the store together and looking through the whole section before finally settling on the perfect one.

what else was there you could do? bake a cake? make a crossword puzzle? buy him a t-shirt that says “dad-to-be”? so many ways you could do it, but none of them seemed perfectly right.

from the other room you hear the door opening, and hurriedly you stuff the test into a drawer, not wanting to tell him just yet. you need a plan first; waiting another day or two couldn’t hurt, so you’ll just have to figure out how to tell him later.

you flip off the bathroom light and stride into the hallway, barely able to contain the grin on your face. you’ve always been terrible at keeping secrets, and with news as big and exciting as this you have no idea how you’re going to be able to hide it from him for more than a minute.

but luckily you don’t have to wonder about it for long, because as soon as you see jun you can already tell he’s in a sour mood. 

you know it’s usually best to let him have some time alone when he’s upset, but not for too long because he starts getting frustrated with himself and won’t stop working until he’s exhausted.

but you’re still on a high after everything today, so you decide on being a little bit sweeter to him in the hopes that your happiness will be contagious and that it’ll lift his spirits, despite what was probably a really awful day at work.

you find him sitting at the kitchen table with his head in his hands, long fingers pressed against his eyes trying to block out the light.

“hey, junnie,” you call out, sitting down in a chair next to him. “bad day?”

“yeah,” he answers shortly.

“i’m sorry, baby,” you hum, putting your hand on his shoulder, but he flinches and your hand falls away in surprise. he’s never done that before. weird. you try something else. “um, any requests for dinner?”

“not hungry.”

“alright. well, i guess i can cook up some veggies and leave them out, you can heat them up whenever you get hungry.”

he moves his hands away from his face and onto the table, sighing as he leans back in his chair. “can you just— leave me alone for a while? i’m sorry.”

you nod and stand up. “no, it’s fine. i get it. i’ll bring you some tea later then, maybe. text me when you’re feeling better.” you reach out and gently touch his hand before walking away, leaving him alone at the table.

it’s definitely one of his worser days, you note, so you retreat to your bedroom to watch more videos on your phone, trying to bring back your excitement from earlier. hopefully later he’ll be more open and you can sit down and eat something, and maybe by then you’ll have come up with a good way to tell him the news.

an hour passes and you come out of your bedroom to look for jun, having a question from one of your friends about the dinner you’d arranged to have together next week. but he’s no longer in the kitchen, so you peek your head into his office room and find him exactly where you expect him to be, trying to work himself to death.

you clear your throat before you enter, not wanting to startle him again. “hey, junnie, i know you’re in a bad mood, and i’m sorry to interrupt, but—”

“what do you want?” he snaps, never turning around from his desk. just from the way he’s hunched over his computer, he looks like the most stressed you’ve ever seen him, and your chest tightens with worry before your brain registers what he’s just said to you.

“i— excuse me?”

“i said, what do you want?” he repeats, still facing away from you.

you resist the urge to glare at him, knowing he’s probably under a lot of pressure, and you aren’t trying to add to it. “you don’t have to be rude, jun. i just came in here to double check about next weekend, minghao’s texting me.”

he finally lifts his head, slamming his hand down on the desk. “i’m really trying not to snap at you, but— jesus, you make it so fucking hard sometimes.”

you raise your eyebrows in disbelief, your voice lifting in tone. “well, i’m so very sorry to inconvenience you then, but i really don’t appreciate you talking to me like that, jun.”

“and i don’t appreciate you talking to me like i’m a child! when will you get it through your head?”

his comment stings, but you brush it off. “well, maybe if you’d just talk to me like an adult instead of throwing a fit and hiding in your office then i wouldn’t have to treat you like one!” you’re starting to get tired of how he retreats in on himself every time bad shit happens. all you want to do is let him know he doesn’t have to do it alone, and he’s just… exploding at you for no reason, so you don’t try to hide the snarkiness behind your words.

he scoffs angrily and stands up, towering over you at his full height. “oh, grow up! you’re so moody all the time and you expect me to just put up with it! as if i don’t have enough other shit to worry about, i have to worry about what you think of this and that and everything all the damn time!”

you’ve never seen him get so angry like this, and it’s almost scary how completely different this jun is from the jun you know and love. “okay, jun, fine, i’ll just—”

“no, don’t fucking “jun, fine” me. it’s like you’re doing it on purpose at this point, you act like everything is just so perfect and then when it’s not you act like it’s your job to fix everything! you can’t fix everything!”

“i said fine! just forget it, i’ll leave you the hell alone like you always want!”

he pushes past you and crosses the room in two strides, grabbing his keys off the hook by the door, his hand already on the doorknob. “i need to get some air. i’ll be back later.”

you fold your arms over your chest, trying to look unphased but inside your heart is breaking. “you’re really gonna walk out like that? you’re just gonna run away from this? real mature, junhui.”

he spins around, and the look in his eyes is cold. “if i don’t get out of this house right now i’m gonna say something i actually regret.”

and in a flash the door is slammed shut and jun is gone. you can hear his car starting up in the driveway, and seconds later everything is dead silent.

you stand frozen in front of the door, unable to move. you can’t believe it. you can’t. what just happened?

jun has never just… walked out like that.

his words ring in your ears; though your argument wasn’t very long, a lot was said in a very short time and you can’t even begin to think about how to process it as it starts to hit you all at once.

say something he actually regrets? what the hell does that mean? so he’s saying he doesn’t regret everything else, the cursing and the anger and the pointed words that were clearly meant to hurt you?

minute after long minute passes and you realize he’s not coming back anytime soon. finally you drag yourself away from the door, dropping down on the couch in a daze.

there’s never been a time where you and jun haven’t made up immediately after an argument. sure, maybe you take a little bit to cool down in your own space, but neither of you like letting the tension sit unresolved for very long. so what was it this time that made him leave without even a goodbye?

so many reasons, so many excuses, so many words you could’ve said instead. you shouldn’t have reacted like that, you shouldn’t have kept it going, you should’ve just left him alone. would that have made him stay? if you’d backed down sooner and just let him work through it on his own?

despite all the what-ifs and the doubts in your mind, your conscience won’t allow you to let him worry about everything by himself without at least offering your help. you’re a team, husband and wife, and you’ll be damned if you let him forget that. maybe you trying to help actually made things worse in the end, but at least you know you tried… right?

it’s not until you check your phone and realize that jun’s been gone more than half an hour that you finally let yourself cry. you’d been so focused on worrying about where jun was and whether he was okay that you’d barely even thought about what might happen after this.

will he just… come back and pretend nothing happened? will he come back and still be angry at you? it would almost be worse if he was calm and acted like everything was normal. would he even apologize? would you even apologize? of course you would. both of you said things that were fucked up, and you’ll be the first to admit it if it means this whole thing can be over. right now all you want is to have junhui back.

the tears keep falling but you don’t even feel yourself crying, your face rigid as the tears continue to stain your cheeks.

after an hour you force yourself to get up off the couch and move somewhere, anywhere around the house to try and get your mind off things. but you can’t erase his voice from your head, the look in his eyes as he walked out the door and the way his shoulders hunched from anger mixed with exhaustion.

you find yourself back in your bedroom and you fall onto his side of the bed, wishing you would wake up to find that this has all just been a very bad dream.

it’s after 10pm when you hear your phone buzz on the nightstand and you sit up in a panic, scrambling to see if it’s something from jun. your eyes sting from crying so much, and you blink away the remaining tears as you unlock your phone with shaking hands. your heart drops even further when you realize it is, in fact, from jun, but not the news you want to hear.

you let your phone slip out of your grasp, tumbling to the carpet with a thud. when he’d said he’d be back later you had assumed that meant he’d be coming back tonight. clearly you thought wrong.

tomorrow seemed so far away; too much time to spend alone in a house that was supposed to be filled with happy memories, but now all you felt was pain. you felt it in your chest and in your stomach and in your head and everywhere. the whole room was suffocating, heavy weight crushing down on you from every angle.

you slide to the floor and pick up your phone. you don’t text junhui back. you’re not sure anymore if he’d even read your message. 

instead you type in your friend seokmin’s phone number, listening to the line ring as you wipe the back of your hand across your eyes.

as soon as he picks up, he can hear the anguish in your voice and he’s begging you to tell him what’s wrong, but all you can muster up is a soft, “can i stay with you tonight?” because you can’t bear to be in this house another second without junhui. 

and of course he says yes, and of course he’s immediately on his way over to pick you up. and of course he stops at mcdonald’s on the way back to his house to buy you something to eat, because you haven’t eaten and even though you don’t particularly have much of an appetite right now, seokmin would rather die than let you skip a meal, especially on a night like tonight when you could really use something to keep you going.

you throw your overnight bag on the floor of seokmin’s living room with a small sigh. in a haze you’d tossed in whatever items you thought you might need; a toothbrush, pajamas, something to wash your face with. 

he gives you space for a while as he pulls out the folding bed part of the couch and brings out blankets and pillows for you to sleep with. you don’t say it, but you really appreciate his help. he’s been one of your best friends for so long, and you don’t know what you’d do without him. 

you hadn’t thought about it while you were packing, but as you stand in seokmin’s bathroom you think about the cleanser you’d grabbed; your favorite one, the one jun had gotten you for your birthday last year and you’d never switched to another brand since. 

every single thing reminds you of him, and you push down a fresh wave of emotion as you scrub the foam into your skin, trying to wash away all your tears.

when you’re done getting ready for bed you find seokmin in the living room with a pot of tea. he was just trying to help, but unluckily for him, he’d made green tea. it was your favorite… but it also happened to be jun’s favorite.

and this time you can’t hold back your tears, and seokmin is sitting wide eyed and bewildered, wondering why you’re crying over tea, but he doesn’t ask. he just reaches out to let you hug him, and you squeeze him so tightly you know it must hurt, but he doesn’t say anything, just lets you hug him as hard as you can and lets your tears stain his t-shirt.

it takes another half hour for you to calm down enough to talk. you’d spent the time watching whatever was on tv, not really paying attention and instead playing everything back in your mind. seokmin had just sat next to you, quietly keeping you company until you were ready.

“jun and i… had a fight,” you say finally, interrupting the commercial playing on the screen.

“i figured,” he says, offering you a comforting smile as he mutes the tv. “do you wanna talk about it?”

“i don’t know. there’s not much to talk about.” you take a shaky breath, remembering it all one more time. “we both said some awful things that we didn’t mean. at least, i know i didn’t mean them. then he just… left, and he texted that he’d come home tomorrow. that’s it.”

you don’t tell him about the pregnancy test. you’ve mentioned once or twice that you and jun had been interested in starting a family, but you’d never gone into detail about it and you weren’t going to now. you still wanted jun to be the first person to know, even though you didn’t know when that might be anymore.

you tell him about other things instead, about your day at work and your plans for the weekend. eventually you finish your tea, and seokmin retreats to his own room and shuts the door with a quiet click, leaving you alone in the quiet of his living room.

it takes you a long time to fall asleep, but soon your exhaustion catches up with you and you let yourself rest, physically and emotionally drained. at least the silence here isn’t as bad as the silence at your house.

across town in his friend seungcheol’s guest bedroom, jun can’t stop tossing and turning. he’s fucked up, he knows he fucked up, big time.

why did he leave? he shouldn’t have left. you had been absolutely right, he was running away from everything and it was stupid and dumb and immature. but in that moment all he could think about was what the next awful thing he might say to you was, and he knew if he had stayed for any longer he wouldn’t have been able to stop what came out of his mouth. he was out of control, and immediately he knew it.

not even the worst day in the world could make you deserving of all the things he said to you. you were the only thing that wasn’t bad in his life; even on shitty days like today, all you did was care about him. and all he did was hurt you.

jun barely sleeps that night, finally forcing himself out of the extra bed at dawn. he’d been too anxious to sleep, too frustrated with himself to do anything other than think about everything he did and wonder if you were okay without him.

he’d already gotten an earful from his friend last night, and he knew he was still in big trouble. the things he said wouldn’t just go away overnight. in fact, they’d probably gotten worse by leaving them to build up overnight, and again he’s kicking himself for ever leaving in the first place.

he packs up his things as quickly as he can, eager to get home and see you again. on his way out the door, he thanks seungcheol for letting him stay the night and he apologizes for bothering him so late.

“i’m not the one you need to apologize to. you better figure out how to fix this, jun.”

with a straight face he nods, bowing his head as he closes the door.

in his car, jun takes the long way home, trying to find an open grocery store. he knows it won’t make up for how he acted, but the very least he can do it buy you a bouquet of your favorite flowers.

he walks through the aisles, basket in hand, trying to think of something else for you. maybe he’ll get the ingredients he needs to make your favorite dinner tonight; he hadn’t eaten last night, though you had offered to cook for him and he’d shot you down.

he feels another pang of guilt at the thought, remembering yet another kind gesture you’d tried to give him that he’d brushed off like it meant nothing. it meant everything to him, and in the middle of the frozen vegetables aisle he swore he wouldn’t ever do it again. 

he’d taken you for granted, and he was so lucky that things hadn’t ended worse than they did. he could’ve said something truly unforgivable, or he could’ve even lost your relationship altogether. but he was still yours, and you were still his, and he would just have to work extra hard to make sure you knew how sincere he was.

he’d been a little worried that you hadn’t texted him back last night, seeing that you’d read his message but never responded. you were probably still hurt, and he didn’t blame you; still, he’d hoped you would say something back.

with grocery bags loaded full of ingredients for dinner and the special things he’d bought for you, the drive back home feels a little more hopeful.

he plans out everything he’ll do in the car. he’ll bring the groceries in and put them away quickly; it’s still fairly early in the morning, so hopefully you won’t be awake yet. he’ll arrange your flowers all nice in a pretty vase, and he’ll come in and wake you up with the best apology of his life and hopefully a really big hug. after the last 24 hours he really could use a hug, and he’s sure you could too. and then he’ll explain how sorry he is and how he didn’t mean any of it and then everything will be better again. yes, everything will be okay.

the first part of his plan goes perfectly. he sneaks into the house and when he’s met with silence he continues putting everything away, quietly so he won’t wake you up in the other room. then, he puts the flowers in a vase and with everything in place, he walks down the hallway to finally face you.

but when he twists the bedroom door handle, the bed is made and the room is empty. you aren’t there.

he frowns, leaving the room and poking his head into the bathroom, then his office. he calls your name loudly, hoping you’re just in a corner of the house and you’ll come out once you hear him. but no reply.

he goes back into the living room and sets the vase down on the coffee table, trying to think. you aren’t usually up this early, but maybe you hadn’t been able to sleep and you’d gone out for a walk, or maybe you’d gone to the store to get more cereal? 

a sinking feeling rises in his chest, and he walks back into the bedroom to confirm something, sliding open the closet door to check. your overnight duffel bag is gone.

he ducks back into the bathroom to check something else. your toothbrush isn’t sitting in the jar like it usually is. he slides open the bathroom drawer to check one more thing, and—

his hand freezes on the knob, staring at something in the drawer that wasn’t there before. he’s not sure it is what he thinks it is, but either way there it is, clear as day in front of him: a little white piece of plastic, sticking out from underneath a tissue. 

gingerly he pulls it out, holding it up to the light to see it better. when he sees the two pink lines he nearly drops it in shock, but he stops himself, setting it gently on the counter instead.

this is something special, something precious, and he knew he had to take care of it. you’d saved it for a reason; you could’ve easily just thrown it away once you knew the results, but you had kept it instead. were you going to give it to him?

he covers his mouth with his hand, still staring at the stick sitting on the edge of the sink. it was just a cheap piece of plastic, but to him it was the most important thing in the entire world.

he deflates when he realizes you’d probably been planning on telling him last night, before he’d blown up at you. if he’d been paying attention to anyone other than himself, he would’ve noticed your mood was happier than usual, your face glowing with contained excitement. he should’ve been paying attention.

there’s a sense of urgency in his stride as he dashes around the house, looking for any other sign of you, but it’s clear you weren’t there. there were so many places you could be, he can’t even begin to think of where to look. your parents, friends, family; hell, you could even have stayed in a hotel, alone and upset. he should’ve been there. none of this should’ve ever happened.

immediately he presses the speed dial for your phone, but of course– no answer. he calls again, and again you don’t pick up. he curses, resisting the urge to slam his phone down on the table in frustration. no, he has to stay calm. that’s what got him into this whole fucking mess in the first place.

he remembers that your parents are out of town on vacation, so you probably wouldn’t have gone there. you wouldn’t have gone to a hotel because you always lecture him about the importance of saving money “just in case”, so you wouldn’t have paid to stay somewhere. your sister is still in college and shares an apartment with three other people, so probably not the best idea either. 

that narrows it down to one of your friends’ houses; seokmin, who lives a couple blocks away, or joshua, who lives on the other side of town.

he figures seokmin is his best bet, so jun takes a deep breath and finds the contact in his phone.

“what do you want?” seokmin’s usually cheery voice has an edge to it today, and jun knows he’s picked right.

“is she there?” he asks anxiously.

“she is,” he confirms, and jun exhales, letting out the breath he had been holding in. “but she’s asleep still. i’ll let her know you called.”

“wait,” jun adds quickly.

the line is silent for a moment, and he’s afraid seokmin’s already hung up, but finally he gets a response. “what is it?”

"can i–are you sure? please," jun pleads. if he could just talk to you, just explain what happened and that he's so fucking sorry—

“hold on,” seokmin says, and the phone goes quiet again.

jun’s heart is in his throat as he waits for a response, and he stops when he finally hears your voice. “hello?”

he breathes a sigh of relief. “sweetheart. i’m so sorry.”

you don’t reply, so he continues.

“i’m glad you’re okay,” he starts, trying to put the right words together. “i shouldn’t have said any of that last night, and i shouldn’t have left. i didn’t mean it. i’m sorry.”

“thanks” is all you say, and he hates how small and sad your voice sounds. it’s his fault you sound like that.

“i found your test,” he bursts out, unable to hide his excitement any longer.

“oh." you pause, swallowing. "so… you know.”

“yes, i do know, baby. i’m so sorry, if i had known before—”

you cut him off, your tone suddenly rising with anger. “‘if you had known?’ so you won’t yell at me if i’m pregnant, but you’re just fine with yelling at me when you think i’m not? is that the only reason why you’re even apologizing to me right now?"

“no— fuck, no, of course not. i shouldn’t yell at you, period. and i’m not going to ever again.” jun pauses for a second, rubbing his hand over his eyes. he’s done nothing so far but make everything worse. “i really messed up, honey, and i’m sorry. i can’t say it enough. but— please, come home. i don’t want to talk over the phone.”

you squeeze your eyes shut, trying to will away the tears that threaten to fall again. you don’t want to cry about this anymore. “okay,” you say finally. “i’ll be home in a little while.”

“thank you,” jun says, and the way his voice breaks makes your heart sink. you can tell he feels awful about everything, and you do really, really miss him.

“…i love you," you add, changing your mind at the last second.

“i love you, too!” he says immediately. “i love you, too, honey. text me when you’re on your way.”

“i will.”

he says “i love you” twice more before you end the call. you sit in silence for a second, processing everything before you stand up off the couch and head to seokmin’s room to give him back his phone.

"can you take me home now, please?" you tell him softly, and immediately seokmin stands up and hugs you, his arms wrapped tightly around you.

"of course. let me know when you're ready."

half an hour later you find yourself in the front seat of seokmin’s car once again, this time sitting nervously in his driveway as he puts your bag in the trunk for you. you're still not sure if you're ready to face jun yet, but you know you have to.

reluctantly you unlock your phone and open your text messages with jun, your eyes landing on the text he'd sent last night that had gone unreplied. with shaky fingers you type out that you're leaving seokmin’s house, and jun replies almost instantly with a long string of heart emojis.

seokmin gets into the car and starts it, and you exhale and set your phone in the cupholder.

"are you okay?" he asks, turning to look at you. "because you can always let me know if you need anything. anytime, day or night."

"i'm alright," you say, taking a deep breath. "i'm fine. but thank you, seok. i really appreciate everything."

he smiles, shifting the car into reverse. "of course. it's no problem at all."

the second he hears the car pull up outside the house, jun jumps up off the couch, smoothing his shirt down anxiously. through the window he watches seokmin hand you your bag and close the trunk, giving you one last hug before he gets back in the car. he doesn't drive away until you're at the front porch, and with a deep breath jun swings open the door, before you can even knock.

you both stand there in silence for a second before he blurts out another apology. "i'm sorry," he rushes to say. "i'm really sorry."

you give him a weak smile. "can i maybe… get in the house, first?" you ask quietly, motioning with your free hand at the doorway.

"yeah, i— yeah, shit, of course," jun says as he practically jumps out of your way, holding the door open for you to walk inside.

you set your bag on the floor by the couch as he closes the door behind you. the sound of the lock clicking seems too loud in the uncomfortable silence that settles over the room.

"can… can i give you a hug? please?" he asks, and you stay quiet but nod. 

he closes the distance between you in one stride and wraps his arms around you, squeezing you so tightly and holding you close to his chest. "i'm so sorry, honey. i didn't mean any of it. i promise."

"i believe you," you finally manage, your voice a little muffled from how he's pressing you against him.

he doesn't say anything more, just holds you and holds you, and it feels so good to be home where you belong. there's a lot that needs to be said, but for right now you don't need any more words. you're just glad to be back together again.

after a while you pull your head away from him so you speak. "i'm sorry."

"why are you apologizing? you didn't do anything wrong, baby. i'm the one that needs to be apologizing."

you shake your head. "no. i said some things last night, too. granted, not as bad as you, but…"

jun breaks out into a grin at your joke, and you feel your mood start to lighten. "…which is true. and i'm sorry."

"jun, you can stop apologizing now. i get it, you're sorry. you don't have to tell me a million times," you say, trying to laugh a little.

now it's his turn to shake his head. "well, i'm going to anyway. because i am sorry." you look away from him, feeling embarrassment start to boil up, but he continues talking. "i'm serious. i'll say it as many times as it takes to make it right."

you turn your head back to him, struggling to keep a straight face. "why did you leave, jun?" you ask softly.

he takes a deep breath, and still trapped in his arms you can feel his chest expand with the breath. 

"it was stupid," he says finally. "i left because i didn't want to stay and risk hurting you more. but i realize i did that anyway, by leaving. i was just… i needed some air. but i shouldn't have stayed away, and i'm not gonna do that again. i won't do it, ever again."

"i just don't want you to leave me," you manage, trying and failing to hide the crack in your voice as you feel your eyes start to well up with tears.

he hugs you tighter and one of his hands comes up to cup the back of your head, gently smoothing your hair with his thumb. "i know, baby, i'm sorry. i'm not going to, i promise."

you don't respond, but you know he's telling the truth. the last 24 hours have been hell for the both of you, and you don't doubt he means every single "i'm sorry" he's said.

"so…" jun starts, and you tilt your head up at him.

"so?" you know what he's going to say next, and despite the excitement you had yesterday you feel yourself dreading this part of the conversation.

"you're pregnant?"

you sigh, looking down and avoiding his eyes. "yeah."

he hums. "but you don't sound excited?" he asks.

"well, i was, last night."

"i'm sorry," he winces. "do you wanna tell me now and i'll pretend this didn't happen and i don't know about it?"

you shake your head. "no, it's fine. the moment's kinda… ruined, already."

he sighs. "yeah, i know. i'm sorry i ruined it."

"i said it's fine, jun."

"no, it's not fine," he says firmly. "it's one hundred percent my fault. this is important to you, and to us, and we should be celebrating right now. last night should never have happened."

"jun, it's in the past. it was messed up, but i forgive you," you say, lifting you head to look at him once more. "it's not a big deal. we're okay now."

"i just want you to be happy about it," he says with a sniff. "we've been trying for so long, and finally…" he trails off, staring at you with watery eyes. 

you smile at him. "i am happy about it, junnie. i'm so happy, you can't even believe."

"did you tell seokmin?" he asks, and his brows furrow when you shake your head no.

"no, i didn't. i wanted you to be the first i told," you say shyly. "i knew you would want to be the first to know."

"i love you so much," he says, still hugging you. he's never going to let you go, never again. "do you know how far along?"

"no, i didn't go to the doctor. probably like two or three weeks, though, if i've been counting it right."

"wow," he sighs, a smile on his face as he stares off into the distance behind you. "i can't wait."

you watch his eyes, practically able to see the thoughts running through his head. 

after a while he loosens his grip around you, moving to swipe at his eyes quickly with the back of his hand. "well—anyway," he starts, giving you an awkward chuckle. "i bought stuff for breakfast. if you haven't had any, yet. and i'm making dinner tonight, too."

before you can even respond his eyes widen, like he's just now remembering all the things he had planned, and he lets go of you, bounding into the kitchen. he returns seconds later with a huge glass vase full of flowers, practically tripping over his own feet in his rush to hand them to you. "and i got these for you, too. sorry they're not the best, it's all the store had this morning."

"junnie, if this is the best the store had, then i don't think i wanna see their best," you laugh, holding the flowers up and admiring the dozens of bright blooms. "this is gorgeous, but you really didn't need to get me anything."

"but i wanted to," he counters, still running around the room to grab the gift bag sitting by the couch. "consider it an 'i'm very sorry' slash 'congrats you're having a baby' gift."

you set the vase down on the table next to you and take the bag from him, pulling out the tissue paper and crumpling it into a ball.

"i didn't have a whole lot of time to look this morning, but i found these," he says nervously, waiting for your reaction.

from the bag you pull out a miniature plastic hanger holding a set of tiny pajamas covered in little kitties, attached to a matching set of striped orange socks.

"i wanted to be the first person to get you baby clothes," he explains as he fidgets with his hands. 

"i knew you would," you smile at him, setting the empty bag and the clothes on the table along with the bouquet of flowers. "and they're perfect. they're so… you."

you throw your arms around his neck, pulling him back in for another hug. "i love all of it. thank you, jun."

he grins, rocking you back and forth in his arms and leaving kisses all over your cheek. "i love you too, baby. i missed you so much. i won't ever do that again."

"i know," you smile. "now… you promised me breakfast, isn't that right? because i'm starving. crying is exhausting."

he laughs. "no crying anymore. and i did promise you that, so tell me: do you want blueberry waffles, or strawberry?"

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[apprenticestanheight]

Work Stress- Adam Stanheight x gn! reader

ALLLLLLL RIGHT, welcome to the monthly "my mental health is shit" fic that I bestow upon the people whenever my mental health isn't as great as it could be, which--in fairness--is nearly all the fucking time.

Two of these might be coming out this month, though! I have not had the greatest streak of days without anxiety lately and I write fics whenever it gets really bad. The day I finished this one, I was like "I am going to write something. for chainshipping (again)" so a chainshipping fic will probably be out by the end of the week

On some other notes, A: while it's not explicitly stated, the reader is what's traditionally considered midsized as that's what I am and I wanted to write a fic with my body type. As per usual with me, the reader is generally gn but as I know the anatomy best, they're AFAB. B: requests are starting to get looked at! I have one waiting to be finished, edited and posted sitting in my drafts but otherwise will have probably looked through and decided which requests I will do vs which ones I won't by the time this has been posted. Things will probably start coming out at the end of this week and keep coming out into next.

Fic type- this jumps into a lot of differing areas, but the main genres are quite possibly the oddest combination I've ever written--smut and angst.

Warnings- as this fic contains smut it caters to an audience of people 18+, so minors, DO NOT INTERACT. There is A LOT here--p in v, oral (both recieve, even if on Adams end the oral is only mentioned), doggy style, fingering, petplay kind of (I was trying to think of a gender neutral petname and puppy was the only thing my brain could think of at first. It's literally just used as a petname and gets overshadowed by 'baby' after a point bc I remembered that that word existed--I wrote a lot of this while tired, pls take some of the stuff in it with a grain of salt), as for sfw warnings: there's a mention of loss of appetite in relation to extreme stress

It's no secret to Adam that you've been having a very, very rough year.

You've been living together since just a couple weeks after he'd escaped the trap--he was taken from his apartment and found it too anxiety inducing to stay there so you let him move into yours.

You'd been dating since you were twenty one and at twenty six, moving in was bound to happen eventually, but getting out of his lease was taking a hell of a lot more time than Adam had originally anticipated.

He noticed every rough day in the bags that you'd begun to sport underneath your eyes, how late you came to bed and your reluctancy to be very affectionate with him--whenever things got bad, be it at work or with stuff going on in your head, you withdrew and pushed him away--and in the fact that you weren't eating as much, in that you always looked like your mind was somewhere else, wandering off completely.

So, one day near the middle of November--where he'd started to notice your bad days in very early March--he joins you in the kitchen while you speak to one of your bosses via phone call.

He presses a kiss to your forehead, grabs your hand, gives it a squeeze. He wants to cheer you up--you're prone to bad days due to insecurity and because of a long-standing not so great track record where your mental health is concerned--and, in that particular moment, finds himself willing to do anything.

You give your best go at grinning back at him, but it comes out looking like more of a grimace. You let Adams hand go to run a stressed hand through your hair, returning your hand to Adams and letting him interlace your fingers thereafter.

"Yes," you whisper. "I understand that things are always tough in the last quarter, but--" you sigh dejectedly as your boss cuts you off, and Adam presses another kiss to your forehead, letting his lips linger for a minute.

"Yes, Earle--but you're not seeing the point here. I'm eligible for the raise because I've kept the teams afloat! The only reason you're not also eligible for the raise is because you took an eight month vacation with PTO that you quite literally stole from other employees, myself included, and just because Monica isn't willing to fire you over that doesn't mean your actions didn't warrant alternative punishments," you lean forward, press a kiss to Adams shoulder. Adams grin widens slightly as he notices that you're visibly relaxing from his touches.

A solid two minutes of shouting pass by on the other end. Adam gives your hand a supportive squeeze whenever Earles voice raises another octave in his shouting, pressing kisses against your temple when you let him pull you into a half hug. He keeps hold of your hand when the position changes, your torso pressing against the counter as Adam stands in front of you.

"Earle--I am eligible for the raise because you took six weeks of PTO from me, which I only get thanks to our companies union," You snap. "Now, because I had to spend so much time doing my fucking job, unlike you, I'm eligible for enough of a raise to make me capable of buying a home by '06, and if you're pissed off at me for that, I genuinely cannot help you any further. I have a boyfriend who I would much rather be talking to over your sorry arse, so I'm going to hang up now and if you call me back, I will ignore it. Have the day you deserve, asshat."

You hang up the phone and sigh, gaze meeting Adams in an instant.

"'M sorry," you whisper, biting your top lip for a few seconds as you look at him. "Work has been a fuckin' mess since like, the end of February. I just--damn it all."

"Eh, Earle sounds like a dickhead," Adam laughs. "How does one even get away with--eight full months? Of PTO? How?"

"Per the union agreement we have, we get six weeks a year," you start. "It's why I'm always off in December--I like staying home when it gets cold, gives me an excuse to read and drink more tea than I should--but we've moved to digitizing off time recently. Took the six weeks I'd planned to pace between the end of this month and all of next and switched them up for himself. Did that with five other employees and still, Monica doesn't fire him. Just makes me eligible for a raise of fifteen dollars on company dime because the off time I lost out on forced me to do more while I was there. Our company has one hundred and eighty-six employees in the Jersey branch and a bunch of 'em like taking spaces in the last six months of the year off, so it was me managing two teams of eighty people. Not easy work at all."

Adam blinks. "Did Monica even offer to give you the PTO back?"

"She gave me hers," you shrug. "Earle can have a lot of fuckin' fun managing one hundred and sixty people by himself. I'll find out if I get the raise tomorrow morning and my PTO will kick in then, too. He can eat shit as far as I'm concerned, I have a long list of books and two boxes of my favorite tea to drink my way through as of tomorrow."

You let Adam lead you into your shared bedroom, humming as you lay down on your bed and close your eyes.

"Are you okay?" Adam asks.

"Been a very, very stressful eight months," you laugh. "Trying to think of what I need and only one thing continually comes to mind."

"What's that?" You can hear the eagerness behind the teasing tone in Adams voice.

"I need--uh--" You laugh, suddenly feeling a little awkward. Propositioning Adam for sex was not typically done with words but kisses and your hands on his chest, relishing in the way that he looked when he lead you to your bedroom and fucked you senseless.

"Go on, baby," Adam whispers, his lips suddenly near your ear. "Gonna say it?"

You hum, suddenly embarrassed at yourself, and Adam laughs.

"Use your words, puppy," He whispers, pressing a kiss against your earlobe. "How am I supposed to know what you want me to do if you don't use your words?"

You moan helplessly in response.

"You really are cute," Adam says. "Tough while at work, one phone call later and now you're helpless that you can't even speak. Can't even say one word."

"Adam," you breathe, both because it's the one word that's coming to mind and also because you know he loves the way you say his name when all you want is for him to fuck you.

"Good puppy," Adam presses a kiss to your cheek. "Tell me what you want me to do, mm? I'll do whatever you want, but if you want me to fuck you, know that you'll be in bed for a long time once we go to sleep. You're going to come a lot tonight, puppy. You deserve it."

You moan in response. "Please," you whisper.

"You want me to fuck you, puppy?"

"Yeah," you nod. "Adam--I need you to. Don't wanna think anymore. In eight months, I've thought enough for eight lifetimes. Fuck me senseless, please."

"Whatever you want," Adam says, pulling you into a long kiss that has your head spinning.

You spend the next few minutes like that, in a kiss that's so intense, so loving and so fucking good that you wonder how you've been able to go so long being fine with quick kisses and self gratification.

The first kiss reminds you of how amazing it is to be kissed by Adam whenever the more dominant side of him comes out for a bit of fun, the way that his hands anchor themselves on your hips before one slides up your torso to cup your face, the sureness of his tongue in your mouth--everything feels amazing, and it's almost like it's too good to be true.

And then Adam pulls away for air and your eyes are opening and his lips are against your clothed shoulder, breathing in deeply with a smile on his face.

"I'm sorry we've not been--well--" you start. Adam tilts your chin upward and presses a kiss on the underside of your jaw. "I've been a terrible--"

"I've missed this, sure," Adam says, pressing another kiss against the underside of your jaw. "Yeah. Of course I've missed it, Y/N, but I absolutely understand that you've been busy. Work has kept me busy, too, so I'm just glad we can have tonight. I've missed you so much and I just wanna make you forget about how shitty the past months have been. Wanna make sure the only word you remember how to stay is my name, and that's what I'm going to do tonight, puppy. Sounds good?"

You nod eagerly, which makes Adam laugh as the hand that's on your hip gives it a squeeze.

Your gaze becomes affixed to a random point on the ceiling as Adams kisses rove across the scope of your neck, one hand on your jaw to move your head whenever he wants better access.

After a point, you start to realize that his kisses are getting longer and not too long thereafter you realize that Adam is carefully laying hickeys over your neck and is taking his time with doing it.

You want to murmur a quip, do something to jab at the possessiveness hickeys usually carry, but right as you go to do so his lips and tongue find a home on the pulse point on the right side of your neck and all you can do is moan softly, one hand finding his hair.

"Adam," you whisper. "Fucking hell, Adam--you're going to drive me insane. Please don't stop."

You hear Adams laugh, slow, amused, a little sadistic. "Well, if I'm the one who drives you to insanity, I think that means I'm the one who has to pull you out of it, doesn't it, puppy?"

With the use of that one, silly nickname, you're reduced to what is basically a human shaped puddle, and Adam knows it. Whenever he calls you his puppy in a slightly dominant tone, your knees are at risk of giving out and the look you give him is tantamount to torture if he intends to tease you until you're begging.

"Mhm," you hum, moaning as Adams lips press in a peck against your pulse point. "Also means the same if you put me into subspace with all this foreplay, Adam."

Adam grins, and you let him tilt your chin so that your head turns to meet his gaze.

"Of course," he says. "I'm basically an aftercare god, despite the fact that Scott dunked on me for it while believing a cigarette afterwards is anything less than the bare minimum--I'll take good care of you once the session is done, puppy. I promise."

Your shoulders relax at the reassurance, and you grin as Adams lips press against your forehead.

You nod after a second. "Okay," you say. "I--thank you, for this. Pre-emptively."

Deep enough into subspace and you'll borderline on mute, only able to focus on how Adams ministrations feel. You have no doubt he intends to take you there tonight, so you feel the need to thank him before you slink that far in and have to wait for it to wear off to speak a coherent sentence to him again.

"We both need it, so it's my pleasure," Adam says, starting to undo the buttons of the black long sleeved button up you'd worn to work and had yet to take off that day. "And yours--it's both of us. I promise I'll start getting more dominant in a sec, these buttons hate me."

You laugh a little, helping him undo the rest of the buttons. "They're square. They hate everybody, me included. Getting this shirt on was a nightmare this morning and I've been reminded as to why I never wear the damn thing."

Adam uses the small of your back to guide you off the bed just enough to be able to completely take the shirt off, following it by the oddly quick--Adam is very, very good at undoing the pesky little hooks that hold bras together, oddly--removal of your bra.

His lips are on yours again, one hand on your bare hip while the other finds itself cupping your face, tongue gliding across your lip in asking for entrance which you grant as your arms wrap around his shoulders.

Kissing Adam in moments like that is always amazing--kissing him has been one of your favorite things since your romance started, even quick and chaste kisses that don't last more than a few seconds. Kissing Adam has never ceased to be an absolute delight, whether it led to sex or was used as an alternative form of "hello" "goodbye" "good night" or "good morning."

And then his lips start traversing down your neck once more, and then they go further.

Adam starts draping kiss after kiss across your torso, lips pressing against you in a way that allows his tongue to poke through his teeth as he kisses you with his mouth slightly open. Every single touch of his cold tongue against your warm skin makes you clench around nothing, quickens your heart rate and feels so impossibly delightful. Adam is kissing you in a way that damn near drives you insane, and you feel yourself sinking into how good his lips and tongue feel against you as he delivers praise between kisses.

"Such a good puppy for me, mm?" Adam murmurs when he's close to your belly button. "Taking all of this so well even though you probably just want me inside you already. Such a good cumdump for me, puppy. Perfect."

You hum in response, eyes drifting down to meet his gaze as he looks up at you. He smiles, briefly, before continuing with his kisses, letting himself spend a lot of time on your hips before his kisses rove across your stomach.

He kisses along your v-line slowly and in a way that makes you want to start begging, hands roving up from your hips to your biceps.

He glances at you for a second in the asking, waiting for you to nod. You do so and Adams hands move to your pants, taking them off along with your underwear before laughing at himself.

"I've got you here, lookin' fucking perfect," he says, kissing your bicep. "And yet I'm still clothed."

Your hands go to the hem of his shirt and he lets you pull it off, kissing the side of your shoulder as he watches you toss it near the laundry hamper in the far left corner of the room. Next come his pants and his boxers, which Adam takes off in a manner that's somehow effortless despite his continued kisses to your biceps throughout the process.

"I forget how much I love your arms until I'm kissing your biceps again," Adam says, laughing a little. "Fuck, baby. Your arms are fucking gorgeous."

You hum, pressing your head into the pillow behind you as Adams kisses start up again and his hands start wandering. One settles against your face, cupping it softly, and the other goes wandering delightfully down your torso, not stopping until his fingers are millimeters above your clit.

He pauses, gaze meeting yours in a way that feels almost a little sadistic.

"Gonna make you come so many times tonight, baby," he says. "Safe word?"

"Hibiscus," you whisper. It's a precaution for when you get really kinky, a word you came up with but, five years into your relationship, have yet to actually use.

Adams lips press against the center of your collarbone, "good puppy," he whispers against the skin.

His fingers start making slow, tantalizing circles around your clit, and his kisses continue, roving down your torso and staying in the general area of your hips and stomach.

A few minutes pass you by, and right when Adam has picked up the speed and is bringing you to the edge of an orgasm, he stops.

When he notices the disappointment in the way your head falls back onto the pillow, he wastes no time in licking his fingers clean of the wetness spread across them.

"Didn't think I'd let you come so soon, did you, puppy?" Adam moves up, lips near your ear. "I did say I'd make you come multiple times tonight, but I said nothing of letting you do so without a little edging first. Gonna edge you until the sun goes down, at least, and then make you cum until at least one or two in the morning. Gonna call in sick tomorrow, too, so that I'm not worrying about waking up and going into work."

"How much more time until the sunset?" You ask. It's four--the sunset can't really be so far off, can it?

"An hour," Adam says. "But--to be fair, a lot more can be done in an hour than one might think. Also--eight hours between five and one am. Assuming that the session exhausts you, you'll probably wake up close to noon tomorrow, but there's snow in the forecast and I'll probably make you a cup of tea if I wake up before you do."

You hum. "Thank you, Adam," you whisper. He kisses you deeply, and you can still taste yourself on his tongue.

"Don't thank me," he says when he's pulled away. "It's what good partners do, especially when I'll have practically rearranged your guts and it'll be a reward for doing good anyway."

You laugh. Adam presses a kiss to your forehead as his hands once again ground themselves on your hips and yours find his shoulders, holding him close.

"I love you, baby," he says. "Sorry that work has been shit."

"I love you too," you respond. "And--that's not your fault. Please don't blame yourself for mistakes that aren't yours, Adam. Please, just kiss me. Wanna forget about work and stupid fucking Earle--just wanna think about how good it feels to be touched and kissed by you. Please."

Adams lips press against your forehead again, his hands cupping your face.

"Gonna make sure you do," he says. His lips move to your biceps again, and you shudder an intake of breath as he leaves a hickey in the wake of one of his kisses.

You have a thought to call him a hickey fiend but don't--the risk of joking with him when Adam is in dom mode is not worth the reward even slightly.

His kisses trail down your face to your neck, and from your neck to your chest. You moan a little when his lips find your nipples, biting gently as his hands give your hips a contented squeeze.

Your head falls back onto the pillow beneath it, and you smile slightly as you hear Adams contented hum as he kisses along your chest from one nipple to the other.

The next several minutes are spent in pretty much the same state. Adam kisses your chest and neck with an open mouth, tongue all too eager to leave a trail of saliva behind his kisses. He's mostly quiet as he goes about it, but every time he does something to make you moan his hands squeeze your hips in acknowledgement.

And then his lips move to your stomach, spending an absurd amount of time leaving hickeys in the less obvious places. He spends more time on your hips which tells you you'll have dark hickeys to look forward to once you have the time to investigate the state of your body in a mirror, but he's not always the dominant one when you two are having sex--you'll find your moment where he's in a particularly submissive mood and douse his body with light-ish hickeys in some very obvious spots.

His lips move down to your thighs, and his gaze meets yours.

"You're feeling all right?" He asks, lips pressing gloriously against the top of your right thigh. "Need you to make space for me, puppy. Haven't paid your thighs attention in so fucking long--'nother minute of waiting and I will go insane."

You laugh as you spread your legs and Adam positions himself in between them, lips moving across your thighs as his arms slip under them and his hands find your hips.

The amount of attention he devotes to your legs alone is almost a little excessive--it takes him ten minutes before he's content to move from your right leg to your left, and then he's focusing on that leg just as long.

Then again--Adam has always loved your thighs. You've had moments of insecurity that they were too big to handle but he's always met your insecurity with reassurance, promised that he'd tell you if he was having trouble breathing whenever he asked you to sit on his face. He loves your thighs and your biceps, which are two of the areas where you find most of your insecurity.

And then you feel his breath against your folds, and you breathe in deeply while clenching around nothing.

"Wanna taste you, puppy," Adam says. You're nodding eagerly before he can even finish the sentence, wondering how it was that you managed to go eight months without feeling Adams mouth over your folds, his lips on your clit.

Adam is good at giving oral--he is fucking amazing at it, and as his tongue presses flat against your folds, his gaze holding yours, you find that it seems he's still as good as he was eight months ago.

His tongue runs through your folds for a very long few seconds before it presses against your clit. You moan at the contact, eyes nearly rolling into the back of your head as his tongue moves in circles around the bundle of nerves.

His tongue moves back to your folds, and your hand goes to his hair. You don't hold him in a tight grip or anything, just enough to ground yourself and keep yourself from slipping away.

It's hard not to slip into it, though. The grip that Adam has on your hips, the way he's eating you out like a man starved and that goddamned nickname he always uses whenever he's domming. All of it is so much combined, so much after eight months, and all you want to do is slip into subspace and just let Adam use you however he wants.

He keeps going until you're so close--teetering on the edge, nearly ready to come on his face--and then he stops, pulling away with a glistening mouth to take a breath.

And then he's lifting himself off of you, pulling himself up to press kiss after kiss after kiss to the spot where your neck meets your shoulder, and his hand is cupping your face.

"Please, puppy," he says. "Don't wanna go eight months without this ever again. Missed it."

It takes everything in you to drum up a response, still working through the second almost-orgasm of the evening.

"Never," you manage to mumble as your head turns, seeking Adams lips. He kisses you slowly, meaningfully, and you have a moment--just a moment--where you hate yourself for letting sex get away from you for such a long time.

Work has been eight months of never ending stress, eight months of managing one hundred and sixty people, dealing with a boss who claims to care about the team but only offers a raise to the five people from whom a guy stole off time rather than firing the idiot. You feel bad--work has taken the majority of your head space since March, and that doesn't feel fair in the fucking slightest.

"Adam," you whisper. He presses a peck to your lower lip and darts his tongue out to wet his own.

"Yeah, puppy?"

"Missed you," you respond. "'M sorry about work. I promise I didn't mean to get so busy, it's just--Earle and his fucking scheme, and Monica refusing to fire his sorry ass while he has the time of his goddamned life in Monaco, and--ugh. I don't mean to ruin the mood but it's just not leaving my head."

Adam laughs, presses a kiss to your forehead. "I know how you get, Y/N," he says. "I'm too drunk on the thought of your thighs around my head to even get slightly turned off right now but that's not the point."

He laughs again, thumb gliding across your bottom lip. "I've been worried about you but I knew work was probably the reason for your late nights, baby. I promise, it just made me cherish our lazy mornings even more. If you don't like working there, you can always quit, too--you've got your rainy day savings, and my job lets me cover the rent and have money left for groceries if you don't get something right away. Has anything else been bugging you or is it just work?"

"Just been in a funk," you respond. "The sex is helping a lot, but I've always found that being with you helps me like nothing else can. Needed this, Adam. Even if you've kept me from orgasming twice so far."

"Fifteen more minutes til sundown," Adam says. "You'll be so sick of coming when I finally start letting you, baby. I think I have it in me to last eight hours, but that's because I'll be giving myself a reprieve. You, however, might not get one. Dunno--it depends on if you'll want one, really."

"You'll know I do if I use the safe word," you respond. "Just--be soft with me, mm? I don't think I can handle being degraded too much, if at all. I'm scared that if you call me a slut with a mean tone I'll just fall to pieces and start crying."

Adam laughs, presses a kiss to your temple. "Think I've done enough edging," he says. "Kind of just wanna kiss you until you're begging me for more, baby. Sound okay?"

You nod, arms wrapping around his shoulders. "You really wouldn't be mad if I quit my job?"

"I would be the opposite of angry at you if you just announced it and didn't even give your two weeks," Adam says. "You've spent the majority of the last year giving them an arm and both of your legs in the effort it's taken to keep things afloat. You're up for a significant raise which I would wait to see if you got, but there are places that pay the amount you'd be getting after your raise as the starting salary, which only goes up after the first six months. I'd start applying to those places if I were in your shoes and I didn't get the raise I fuckin' deserved."

Adams lips drop to your collarbone. "'M so in love with you," he says. "And I'm sorry that work has been such a shitstorm lately. If you want, you can switch from a marketing job to working for a salary that covers rent and groceries with me at the bookshop? They're hiring all the fucking time and it means I can basically just...spend the entirety of my break just kissing you relentlessly if you do decide to join up."

You laugh, pulling a hand through his hair. "Maybe," you say. "If I don't get the raise."

Adam laughs, gently biting against your collarbone as his hands find your hips again.

"Love your hips, puppy," he says. "Will probably have to put lotion on the hickeys I left on 'em. Got a little carried away."

"I'll get my revenge somehow," you respond. "If you ever find yourself in a submissive mood, I will absolutely cover your neck in them."

"I like hickeys in obvious places, so long as you keep them light,"

"Oh, they will be. Everywhere but your pulse point--I happen to like your pulse point, Adam. Might get carried away worse than you did with my hips."

Adam bites your collarbone again, kissing up the center of it to the underside of your jaw before his lips are once again against yours.

"I love you so fucking much," Adam says into the kiss, giving your hips a hard squeeze. "Fuck, Y/N. Gonna make sure all of your stress is gone from your mind completely. Just want you to be thinking about me, puppy."

All you can do in response is moan into Adams mouth, closing your eyes and moaning once more as he uses your moaning to slip his tongue into your mouth, one hand coming up to cup your face.

You spend the next little eternity kissing, moaning whenever Adams hands squeeze whichever part of your body they've ended up near or on--typically your ass, just below it on your thigh, your hips, or your tits--and occasionally tugging at the hairs near the nape of his neck, where one of your hands rests.

And then, Adam pulls away. You gaze at him as he holds himself up by his elbows, a handsome smirk on his face.

"You're all right?" He asks.

The truth is, all you can think about is the memory of his cock inside you and you're convinced it's slowly driving you nuts, but by all other accounts, yeah.

You nod. "I'm amazing, Adam," you say. "Need to feel you."

As you speak the words, Adam is already reaching for his night stand on his side of the bed, grabbing a condom.

You roll it onto his length, one of your hands overlapping the hand he places on your hip as you lie back down.

Adam positions himself at your entrance, pushing into you slowly even despite how wet you are--you're more than ready to feel him, but Adam still goes slow to be cautious.

When he bottoms out, both of you moan. Your lips are almost right next to Adams ear, his forehead pressing against your shoulder, so the sound of you moaning just makes Adam want you more. One of his hands is on your breast, and he squeezes it, rolling the nipple between his first finger and thumb as you clench around his length.

After a minute, you're telling Adam he can start moving and his thrusts come to a slow start as Adam figures out the pace he wants to start with.

His lips have dipped close to your ear when he whispers, "you're so wet for me," and he kisses the side of your head before adding "such a good puppy. Fuck--you're amazing."

And you're moaning in response, starting to get cockdrunk as Adam moves in calculated thrusts, one hand propping himself up by the elbow and the other against your hip.

Your thighs wrap around his waist to keep him in place, and Adam laughs as he lifts the hand on your hip to cup your face.

"You like this, baby?" He asks. You moan, nodding slightly as your eyes close, giving his shoulder a squeeze.

"Such a good puppy for me," he says. "So good, baby. You're doing so good."

And then you moan again, and Adam presses a kiss to the corner of your lips. He quickens the pace of his thrusts, lips moving to your neck as the hand that was on your face moves to your clit, rubbing circles around it and delighting in the moans it brings from your throat.

Your release spurs his on, and while you moan and release around him Adam releases into the condom, thrusting his way through the aftershocks and the way that your legs start shaking with them.

He pulls out and discards the condom, heading back to you quickly and peppering your face with kisses.

You find yourself in a state of complete and total relaxation and euphoria. Adams hands on you make you sink further in, and Adam laughs a little--you're looking at him like he's the love of your life while you're practically drowning in post-orgasm bliss, which is a delightful and meaningful addition to the times in which you've looked at him like that, particularly whenever he's decided to surprise you with breakfast or when you wake up to find him admiring you as he'd woken up before you had.

"You're feeling all right?" The orgasm had been a little intense.

You nod, and Adam presses his nose against the apple of your cheek, pressing a quick kiss there as his hands find your face.

"Going quiet?" He presses his lips to your forehead. "Not for long, baby. I have at least seven more hours with you, yeah?"

You nod, and Adams lips are on yours again.

A lot of the time, you start to realize, will be passed with Adams lips against yours, his hands going somewhere on your body as you moan and whine at his touches.

You don't hate the idea, though--Adam is a damn good kisser and absolutely knows what he's doing with his lips and tongue. You've proven yourself capable of lazily making out with Adam for hours several times, though that was when the two of you were kiss fiends in the honeymoon phase and couldn't go more than twenty minutes without it.

But then, Adams lips trail from your lips to your chest, paying attention to it as his hands move from your face to your hips. Once he's paid satisfactory attention to your chest, he moves to your stomach, where, per the presence of your hips close by, he stays for a long ten minutes.

Then his lips are on your inner thighs and your hand is in his hair and all you can do is moan, one word waiting and ready at the tip of your tongue but not falling off of it.

You watch through half lidded eyes as Adams eyes lock on your cunt, nod fervently when his gaze meets yours and his head tilts in the asking.

His tongue finds your clit and he moves one finger, slowly, into your hole as his lips follow his tongue. You turn your head and moan into the pillow in an effort to silence yourself, but the noise level at which the moan sits is still so obscene that Adam chuckles, shaking his head as his left arm slips under your thigh and his hand finds purchase at your chest.

Adams tongue moves around your clit in evenly paced circles, finger moving at a calculated pace as he adds another. Adams fingers curl around your g-spot once every fifteen-ish seconds, and every time your moans get louder because of the action, Adam laughs a little and presses his tongue flat against your clit.

Adam has you pushed to your orgasm in fifteen minutes. You barely have time to warn him before you're coming over his mouth, chin, and his hand, but Adam hardly cares. He only licks his fingers to clean them and juts his tongue out to run it over his lips, all while holding your gaze.

And then he's kissing you and you're tasting yourself, humming into the kiss as Adam reaches one arm out and fumbles for the nightstand in search of another condom.

Adam gets it and rips it open, sliding it onto his length and motioning for you to get on your knees and turn around. You do as he says and Adam slowly slides into you, the both of you moaning slightly as he bottoms out.

Adam waits a minute for you to adjust to him, and once you have he starts thrusting. He sets an even, quick pace and moves a hand to your clit, moaning as you lean back and press your back against his front.

Adams lips find a spot in the space between your neck and shoulder, and every last one of the sounds you make spurs him on. His moans are low, typically comorbid with yours, and they come in between the praise he manages to mumble out as he moves and you start moving back onto him.

"So good," he mutters, biting gently against your shoulder. "Fuck--"

You moan in response, unable to form any coherent thought other than Adams name.

"Adam," you whisper as the pace at which Adams finger touches your clit increases. "Adam--"

You feel him smile against your skin, a cocky grin taking up his face.

"Yes, baby?" He asks, moaning as you clench around him. "Gonna use your words for me, mm?"

"Adam," it's the only word that comes to mind right now, though it'll be one of ten, at best, once he's pushed you to orgasm again.

"Adam, oh--" You moan as he snaps his hips up into you.

Adam keeps the pace he's set and it's not long before you're moaning loudly as Adams lips and tongue suck a hickey into the space where your neck meets your shoulder, your release occurring just seconds before his own, before he's a moaning mess as he thrusts into you through the aftershocks.

Adam pulls out and lays you back onto the bed before rolling the condom off and tossing it into the trash.

The cycle continues that way until you find yourselves nearing one in the morning. Your lips are wet with your own saliva after you've pulled off of Adams length and he's being sweet, your face in his hands as you start moving to sit on the bed.

"One more for me, baby," he says. In eight hours, you've come more than eight times, your legs are basically jelly, and all you have on your mind is Adam. "Just one more, mm? Then I'll run us a bath and we can just relax, I promise. Aftercare god, remember?" He laughs a little at the tail end of his sentence, cringing at himself a little bit.

And you're nodding, smiling at Adam as his lips find your inner thighs and you're blissed out on post-orgasm euphoria--Adam had let you touch yourself while sucking his dick, and you'd come over your hand as he shot his load into your mouth, which you'd agreed to let him do--and it's fifteen minutes til one and Adams lips against your thighs is absolutely amazing.

And then his lips and tongue go to your cunt, and you're moaning as your thighs wrap around his head, which leads to him laughing and squeezing your hips.

And Adam eats you out carefully, slowly, moaning as he does so. He's taking his time with you because you're blissed out and will definitively need to be easy on yourself in terms of walking after all that's been done. He's moaning, tongue moving through your folds in a way that feels incredible to both you and him, and his lips find your clit as he moves to start fingering you.

Adam sets a good pace, quick but not too quick, and curls his fingers at your g-spot with every thrust. You're moaning loudly despite the time and Adam is loving it, and then you're coming on his lips and his tongue and Adam is licking it off your cunt and his lips with a focused precision.

Then Adam is getting up, pressing a kiss to your forehead and telling you he'll be back in a few minutes. He tells you he loves you but doesn't expect a response--you're absolutely too blissed out to say much of anything, and he loves it because it's the first time in eight months where you've looked so relaxed, the first time in eight months where you've felt it.

Your eyes close as Adam leaves your shared bedroom, and you hear him starting up a bath. You smile to yourself, pressing your cheek against the pillow, having a brief, floaty thought of I am so lucky before Adam comes into the room again, smile on his clean face.

He kisses your eyelids, hands finding and interlacing themselves with yours.

"C'mon," he says. "I've run us a bath, baby. Gonna relax your legs, which are definitely sore by this point."

And then your eyes are opening and he's helping you stand as he tells you how much he loves you and how amazing you were during the session, and his lips are against your forehead in a kiss.

You're mostly quiet as Adam leads you to the bathroom, humming as you get into the tub with him.

You press your chin against Adams shoulder and in the next few minutes, you're still tired but the water is still hot and you're starting to form coherent thoughts again.

"Thank you," you whisper, pressing a kiss to Adams wet shoulder. He hums, pressing a kiss to your forehead.

"For what?" Adam asks.

"For the last nine hours," you say. "For making me forget about work stress and for the sex."

Adam laughs, pressing another kiss to your forehead. "The sex was enjoyable for both parties, then," he says. "And--you're welcome, but you don't need to thank me. Just wanted to help you de-stress a little, and I'm glad I could do that."

You're in the bath together for thirty-ish minutes after that, and you let Adam wash your hair as he peppers your hickied neck with kisses and his hands run along your biceps. You wash his, and you spend the time waiting for the conditioner to set talking about your plans for the day as the day has turned.

Adam intends to let you sleep in and to make breakfast, and you intend to at least move from the bedroom to the living room after you've woken up so that you can read from the comfort of your couch.

You get out of the bath and, because your legs are still pretty sore, have barely any choice but to let Adam help you back to your room and sit on the bed as Adam gets dressed and grabs you clothes.

You get dressed into a pair of black boxers--they, Adam decides, will be comfier than sweatpants--and a hoodie Adam had during his baggy clothes phase that's baggy on you, too, and covers two thirds of your thigh before your knee amidst laughter and kisses that you share in the relative dark.

You and Adam end up going to sleep on the couch anyway so as to avoid halfhearted fighting about who sleeps on the wet spot on the bed from the sweat emitted during sex, curled up in each others arms with a thick, warm and fuzzy blanket covering you both up to your shoulders.

[hiding-under-the-willow]

I'm sure you've noticed the plethora of silly comments but I am going absolutely feral over House On Fire right now. Thank you for writing! It's been a joy to read so far.

I am curious! From your comments it sounds like the fic was written before you started posting chapters. Do you have the fic finished, or are you working on it chapter-by-chapter? I always work chapter by chapter, and I'm always wildly impressed by those rare folks with the patience to finish projects before posting! Was gonna ask how you manage things like that?

Hi! Yes, I have noticed your comments! I was literally, as I got the notification for this ask, drafting up an ask to send you because getting to read through all of your comments and analysis as they rolled in this afternoon has absolutely made my day dude. Wanted to thank you for that little bit of joy. That long ass comment on chapter 6 alone had me losing my mind, I love the way you read and analyze everything

To answer your question, I try to start with like a halfway decent outline and a backlog of at least 5 chapters before I start posting a fic. I think I had through at least the start of chapter 6 written when I started posting LaHoF? I do that bc I tend to write in like weird little burst of a few days and then drop off the face of the planet for anywhere from a week to several months, hence the fact that I've written like two chapters in the time it's taken to post seven. So, I am writing chapter by chapter at this point (I was working on the next chapter today actually, and spent all afternoon absolutely distracted reading all of your comments akshksbs), but there was a few months where I had my shit together at least lol

I do have a thin chapter by chapter outline of the whole fic that I drafted before writing, and like. Incredibly specific ideas of what needs to happen in a lot of the important scenes for the rest of the fic. And like. Dialogue drafts for specific scenes sitting around on my phone.

Honestly the fact that I have the whole fic plotted out is a bit rare for me, usually I try to outline like 3-5 chapters in advance, I just happened to have an incredibly specific idea of where I wanted this one to go from the start

[snorlaxlovesme]

what is your favorite line/section of your sick CXS fic? It is so good and I love when authors can share some of their thoughts!

i feel so spoiled with these messages from you, thank you for being so kind my godd

(aforementioned sickfic)

it's hard to choose favorite lines bc genuinely i do love the whole fic so much. a lot of the time i'm writing off the cuff and it just flows out of me in one or two sittings (it's why i'm a one-shot writer) but this was a story that took me months to complete because of all the planning involved (and absolutely fruitless research into Chinese herbal soups, since literally NONE of that research made it into the fic lmao) and so the whole thing feels really special and different from my other stories just because of how much thought was put into it.

it took a long time, but i adored writing the second half, getting to write the same day over again and try to make it identical while FEELING totally different. having Lu Guang totally in pieces over every little change he accidentally makes to the timeline was mwaa *chef's kiss*

i think my favorite line was what i eventually pulling from to make the summary on AO3

"Lu Guang is so tired. He wishes he could freeze this conversation, this whole day, and go nap for a thousand hours. The stress of it all is sucking the marrow from his bones. He wishes he could do today over again. He doesn’t know if he’d have the strength to do today over again."

idk i just feel like it really encapsulates the struggle Lu Guang goes through in this fic and might literally go through on a day to day basis trying to re-live the timeline. like i'm sure every misstep feeling like something Lu Guang would want to do over, but how many times can he handle that, emotionally? like this day mentally broke him and it's literally the most nothing day. Lu Guang forgot to make one phone call and almost suffered cardiac arrest because of it.

plus its very sweet that Cheng Xiaoshi, sick as a dog and feeling down on himself for being left alone all day, comforts Lu Guang after this moment because he can see Lu Guang is going through like a panic-induced existential crisis and mistakes it for Lu Guang ALSO feeling ill, sweet boy ♥

i also really liked the simplicity of these lines (it includes spoilers so look away if you wanna read the fic first. )

But Lu Guang thinks of the tear-streaked smile after Cheng Xiaoshi took that first bite. Spending every waking moment agonizing over his next step won’t get him anywhere. Instead, Lu Guang folds up that smile and tucks it into a corner of his mind for safekeeping. Cheng Xiaoshi thanked him for today. Maybe that is enough.

that part wasn't in the original draft. these lines are in response to CXS thanking Lu Guang for caring for him and i think i had a bit of prose where LG internally laments that he spent half the day ignoring CXS and only took care of him when it was clear Qiao Ling wasn't going to be able to, so the thanks wasn't really deserved. or something self deprecating like that

i had sent my "final draft" to a friend after revising some bits in the flashback and said "i wanna post it but i feel like i need to mess with the ending still. it feels off" my friend insisted what i had was great but i didn't know if the last line of the fic ("Timeline be damned") felt earned. Lu Guang had been a slave to the timeline for the entirety of the story, allowing him to kind of/sort of say "fuck you" to the timeline for a brief moment felt like it was going against everything i had just established, of how IMPORTANT keeping to the timeline was to Lu Guang for the sake of being able to save Cheng Xiaoshi in the future.

it was my friend that gave me the idea to write a simple thesis line that shows what Lu Guang has learned from this. that disaster is definitely a potential outcome in Lu Guang's crazy plan, but seeing Cheng Xiaoshi at peace is enough to make him want to try. like you said in your comment on the fic, if you went back in time, you'd want to be kinder. those lines are Lu Guang reminding himself that seeing CXS at peace has an emotional effect on Lu Guang as well.

ALSO idk the "fold up his smile and tucks it in his mind" bit is cute okay? it's a very cute sentence and i'm proud i wrote it lol

this is very long so i'm gonna stop rambling but again THANK YOU so much for asking me this and for all your sweet messages. i truly can't get over how wonderful it's been talking about this story with you, it's only made me love it more and i already thought it was my magnum opus lmao

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

grabbing my brain by the shoulders and shaking it LISTEN TO ME BRAIN look at all the things you have to live for

ceramics from robin!! they are in the mail!! i really want to see them

tshirts! also in the mail! including the one that says 'i do not wish to perish today'!!

i want to reread lockwood and co and write fics about it! there's this one specific au i have in mind

literally nobody could make sense of adira's story if I was unable to keep working on it lol there's just too many notes hidden in my brain and this story's GOOD it has POTENTIAL it just needs a lot of work

same with taira! like i have a reasonably clean draft but it needs editing badly (but i'm waiting until im in a better frame of mind in general bc otherwise i will mess it up with depressed stuff)

i'm halfway through my reread of into the silent planet

i want to see ransom grow up into a full sized cat

i want to work as a fully qualified midwife!

i want to see a nicu!

i want to go back to my previous placement place for my next mid placement bc they were so good last time i loved them sm

i want to regain my friendship with the boy! whether or not that's something that will ultimately work idk but both of us want it it's just awkward rn

amira's world tour this year might include australia i don't know yet and wouldn't it be a shame if i missed seeing her live bc if she comes to anywhere in my country i am gonna do everything i can to get to a concert

the sheet music my friend gave me of the music he wrote for me, i haven't learnt to play that yet!

i have three and a half socks promised to my parents that i haven't knitted yet

i have that fidget to crochet that i bought the pattern for a while back

i want to try crocheting another bracelet in a slightly different style that might work better in terms of sitting on my wrist (the one i have is too loose bc it fits over my hand and then sits weirdly, i want to see if i can improve that)

vaniah's story is so incredibly personal to me i know hopefully without hubris that im the only person who can write that story and it would be a terrible shame if it was uncompleted

all the many many stories i have in my brain that nobody else would understand without context

gonna borrow my brother's graphics tablet! and i have that set of artworks on psalm 23 to finish

and also a bunch of other artworks i haven't finished yet

i haven't watched lockwood and co yet!

nor have i read mistborn!

someday i want to meet up with various online friends

i haven't seen my sister for over three years irl and sometime i want to go to her place of residence overseas so i can see her

gonna go see harry potter and the cursed child sometime next month with two of my brothers

i just really want to go to a concert of some kind maybe later this year or start of next year when the mso has free concerts

i want to learn that whole thing Jesus says in the later parts of john, it has some of my favourite verses in it

i need to finish learning hebrews

i need to read the queen's thief! i have wanted to for ages but i've been tending towards not reading or only comfort reads/rereads lately

i have so many pieces of music to finish writing

i have that double-knitting hat to learn how to knit and then knit

all those cds i have to listen to!

i need to sort through my photographs, a great many i haven't even LOOKED AT yet

i have to pursue diagnosis for adhd! imagine never knowing if i had adhd or not

i want to paint my nails at least once just to see what it's like

[noahtally-famous]

Tell me about Picking Petals and that time travel AU of TDPI

Is the elimination order different, or does it go the same way as canon?

oh my godddd this ask has been sitting in my drafts for two months now i think?? ive been holding back on answering this bc i wanted to be in the right environment where i can infodump without getting interrupted. im so so super sorry for the long wait, i hope my response makes up for it!!

first of all, TYSM FOR THE ASK DUDE heads up you're gonna prob get a longass ramble abt this from me so yeah lmao without further ado, lets get into it!

PICKING PETALS:

the fic loml, the first EVER td fic i thought up and I've three chapters prewritten for it, half of the fic planned out/outlined, and so many scenes, moments, interactions, etc for it thought up. i'd gotten back into the fandom and while rewatching tdpi for the first time in 7 years i came up with this idea.

started off as purely self-indulgent bc i wanted to write my spin on the truth or scare episode, and then it turned into all this and im so living for it!!

dashawn-centric, obv. it veers off-course from canon during and after episode 4 (the truth or scare one). the overarching plot is 'what if dave and shawn kissed for the scare, and all the shenanigans that followed with getting feelings for someone you didn't expect all bc of one (1) kiss--as well as some other stuff that snowballs from it bc its total drama'. this is TOTALLY canon divergent. the elimination order is 90% different from canon. the characters get way more depth to the point where they may seem like different ppl with only their canon stereotypes reminding them of who they are in canon (not different as in like ooc btw before anyone jumps to that conclusion, i meant different as in a lot of the characters get more of a personality than what canon gave them lmao). a lot of my dave lore spawned thanks to this fic. dave, himself, gets such a fucking glowup from the 2D version of him canon gave while still retaining his 'normal guy' persona. same with shawn tbh, i love the expansion I've done for the characters in this fic ngl, but personally i love how dave turned out

dave & ella friendship, dave & sky friendship, background jasammy, jasmine & shawn friendship, sammy & shawn friendship, mild sammy & dave camaderie/friendship, sammy & amy development, dave & topher rivalry interactions, dave & scarlett interactions, shawn & topher rivalry, the final three being a ball of tension bc of enmity (i wont say who they are), ella getting her development, dives into character backstories and why they auditioned for td, tensionnn of all kinddd, dramaaa of all kinddd, scarlett's evilness actually being foreshadowed before the Great Reveal, etc etc the list just keeps on going!! these folks are gonna have tdi vibes--they're going to act like teens and befriend each other (or hate each other) bc canon tdpi sorely lacked that and imo the pi cast exudes found family vibes

due to how variant the elimination order is, i literally had to create two new challenges for two of the chapters, esp post-merge bc chris was interjecting himself into practically all the challenges in canon lmaoo also tdpi's eliminations were annoying bc why were there two double eliminations for literally no reason? that's gonna change here as well; no double eliminations, and there's gonna be a variant of elimination types (for example: there's gonna be a 'character is too injured to compete therefore obligatory elimination' type happening in this fic--hmmm i wonder who'll be behind the injury... and some more "scandalous" types bc this is total drama, it's not gonna live up to its name if there aren't any eliminations that are 'unfair'!)

starts from ep4 all the way to the finale--and speaking of the finale, the finalists are partly different from canon too. like i said, nearly everything diverges from canon to a degree. i kind of went nuts with this fic lmao its my bby, i treasure it with my heart, i want to write more for it, i want to publish it so badly, but my goal is to get at least 20 chapters into agtsta before publishing picking petals (tho idk i think that plan might change...im considering maybe giving myself breathing time to get more prewriting done until january before starting the new year off right with some picking petals posting!)

REWIND, REPEAT:

the time-travel au fic!! its still heavily in the works so im basically spitballing ideas here, but im thinking of two options.

dave time-travel route:

initially my idea for this fic (can you tell i love putting dave in situations? that boy deserves to be spun in a mixing bowl), and it'd be interesting bc he's sort of like an anti-villain?? bc its directly after the finale when he gets left behind and attacked by scuba bear. he comes across some malfunctioning tech on the island while running away and BOOM next thing he knows he's somehow zapped back to where and when it started--on the blimp at the very beginning of the season. so he is still reeling from everything that occurred and naturally he isn't feeling too lightly abt the whole ordeal

some of my mutuals may know this, but when i was like 10 and watched tdpi for the first time, i made notes for a season 2 au; it involved a personality shift for dave (even when i was 10 he was one of my favs). my idea in the notes was that he became a hollyleaf, if you know warrior cats lmao; he's more reserved, there's this inner turmoil and energy coiled in him, he's an enigma, he doesn't open up much, he has this Dark Secret vibe surrounding him, but he's also clever and will do anything to get to his goal and he has extensive knowledge of the island due to his time on there. this personality remains the same more or less in this fic. the catch is dave acts more in a villainy way but he doesn't rlly have what it takes to be a villain even though a part of him wants to (hence anti-villain). as much as he pretends he doesn't, he still has emotions--just heavily barricaded, and those emotions prevent him from fully losing his head. he forms an alliance with scarlett (and maybe topher??? idk why i love that trio sm, they would be so iconic when it came to villainy; bonus if sugar informally joins too, not as like a set part of their group tho bc she has her own agenda) and has one goal in mind: to get sky eliminated. gone is the lovestruck fool, he's revenge-driven and says he doesn't have time for love bc he's in it for the competition. (idk yet if there will be love interests for him or if this is just gonna be a dave-centric fic). the finalists are prob gonna be dave and sky bc that'd be fucking iconic after the build-up

shawn & dave friendship, topher & dave alliance, scarlett & dave alliance, sugar & dave hesitant alliance, sky & dave one-sided enmity, ella & dave friendship, maybe more depth abt beardo?? or leonard?? jasmine & dave mutual wariness and distrust, chris absolutely loving this version of dave

sammy time-travel route:

development (lots of development!) on sammy's end as well as her relationship with her sister amy. she'll prob be a finalist too?? or at least in the final four/three, and idk i want it to be a sammy & amy finale but idk if that's too cliche lmaoo i think it'd be interesting!

this one's different. shortly after tdpi ended, sammy partakes in a "controlled experiment" with several other teens with the reward of getting paid a somewhat hefty amount. she decides why not, seems simple enough, but when it's her turn there's a fluke and she gets chucked back in time to the beginning of tdpi (which was the last thing she'd been thinking abt before the experiment). however, maybe one or two episodes in, she decides to take charge in the situation she's going through and adopts a 'fuck it we ball' attitude abt the whole thing where she tries to be a different person--the kind of person she's always aspired to be like but amy had always belittled her for--and this makes her less of a pushover overtime and instead more bolder and persistent in getting as far as she can.

she makes new friends that she hadnt noticed or gotten the chance to become closer with when she initially was on the show. maybe ella & sammy friendship, jasammy, either scamy or scarlett & amy 'we're gonna betray each other' alliance OR scarlett & sammy 'friendship' OR a scarlett using manipulative tactics to play both sisters, etc etc.

both her version and dave's versions of this fic idea are different bc neither of them are fixated on the prize money. they have their own agendas for getting ahead of the rest. dave for revenge and beating sky; sammy for being the person she's always wanted to be and actually moving past the box amy placed her in.

third option (that i literally thought up like ten seconds after writing the sammy route):

COMBINE THE TWO OPTIONS, that'd be pretty sick ngl like dave's on the island when he flashes back and believes he's the only one in the past, but sammy, at the same time, had partaken in that experiment and flashed back to the past too; neither know the other is in the same predicament bc they try to hide it thinking they're the only one until like...later in when they start getting Suspicious and maybe some slip-ups occur bc they're tryna keep a low-profile but things happen y'know? they're 16 year olds who figured out time-travel exists, obv they're gonna fuck around and find out. possible alliance between the two once everything is out in the open? out of pure mutual beneficiary? it'd be funny bc both their personas are on opposing sides lmaoo dave & sky finale, with sammy and amy ending up post-merge? sammy's prob still gonna be in the final four, i think, but idk abt amy lmao i still think before amy gets eliminated she and sammy have a Confrontation bc i def need sammy to confront amy one way or another lmao that girl deserves it, they deserve a Heather & Lindsay Confrontation, sammy deserves to call amy a bitch on international television

ooooh and somehow scarlett finds out?? and tries to get her hands on the technology, but obv time is finicky so dave and sammy can't rlly allow that so they gotta stop her as a joint agenda while they have their own separate ones to deal with?? so this paves way for a true scarlett villain?? she'd make it to the final five or three, i think?

for this idea, there are gonna be multiple povs--dave and sammy's--and it's gonna be multi-plot too; dave and his conflict; sammy and her conflict; and how both alter the season bc of said conflicts and their attitudes abt them; plus the scarlett conflict

(y'know what i may end up going this route lmao bc i love both separate versions and im indecisive as fuck so my motto is if you can combine the options do it!)

[urgonnagofar]

9/2 now i’m over the worst of it

hiiii everyone <3 (like two people) i hope you’re doing well. i got really fucking busy since i last journaled. but i really am doing better i made it to september fr. like i was seriously torn up about leaving my home and all of my friends. and especially my dog i miss her so bad it’s not even funny. but now that i’m here i’m not sure i’ve even cried once since i got dropped off. my duolingo streak did die and i almost cried over that. but i didn’t ! mostly just bc i was on a public bus. i also almost cried when i accidentally skipped one of my classes ON THE FUCKING THIRD DAY OF CLASS but that’s fine she’s persisting (i might’ve had a panic attack and called my mom) i have a super nice group of friends but they’re like literally all premed. the engineering college is literally the biggest one here where tf are they (they’re all guys) but oh well. i’m joining baja (build off-roading vehicle and race it competition team) and it seems like a lot of fun all of the people there are really nice. i do have my fantasy football draft tn so idk if i can go to the meeting 😭

tw depression, anxiety, panic attacks, suicidal ideation, self harm, hallucinations

so my there it goes moment. (this isn’t about anything romantic in the slightest) last september i was doing Really fucking shitty. like i was insanely stressed out all the time. i spent the spring of my junior year absolutely going through it. i quit self harming in march, because i saw what it was doing and how bad it was for someone i was sort of friends with, and decided that i really needed to quit. and it was so fucking hard. i wanted to go back to it so fucking badly. i started seeing shit all the time. if i saw anything red or felt something red i would just see/intensely imagine that it was blood until i checked. i’m pretty sure it was just stress induced from being so worried about quitting, but i don’t really know. through the summer it went away and things got a lot better. but my mom had been worried about how hard the classes were i was going to be taking senior year and i started getting extremely stressed out again. i was like paralyzed by worry that things were going to get as bad as they had been last year again, or even worse. they didn’t, but i spent a couple months with paralyzing anxiety. on the first day of school i could barely sit through my classes, and my heart was racing because i was so stressed out. but things got a lot better as time passed. i remember one day in december realizing for the first time in years that i could actually picture myself being alive more than a couple years in the future. and that i didn’t really want to die anymore. which was an absolutely insane thing for someone that has wanted to die since sixth to realize. things didn’t really get better linearly since then. there were a couple months where it was really really hard not to go back to self harming. but i didn’t. and things have gotten a lot better since. i was super worried about leaving my friends this summer, and though i absolutely do miss them, i made new friends here and im happy with my choice of where to go to school. im actually doing really well and am really happy with where i am. i’m a little bit sleep deprived, but isn’t every college kid? i finally feel happy and like im actually getting to enjoy my life. i do love my parents, but i also needed to get out of their house. last year when september started i don’t think i could have been further from having my there it goes moment. i wrote in the tags on a post abt there it goes that september and doing better would never belong in the same sentence until i was done with school. and i’m so glad that that changed for college.

i miss u all so much <3 sorry for the kinda intense trauma dump there it will probably happen again

[nightmarevore]

hi! i'm getting into writing safe vore oneshots and i was inspired by a few of your works and reblogs. for years i was really discontent with my writing, but when i revisited some of your stories today, i noticed how similar your writing style is to mine, and the fact that people enjoy your content made me confident enough to complete a draft and plan a new story. i wanted to know if you make drafts and revise them? do you just publish the first draft? do you get help writing or editing them? 1☆

WAAAAAAAAAAAAH I;M SOBBING THIS WAS SUCH A NICE SERIES OF ASKS TO COME TO YOU'RE SO NICE TO MEEEEEEEE omg gomgo gomgomgomgklgkgfkjngfjbjdk i've never been complimented LIKE THIS or asked extensively for my process, this is new to me!!! you're wonderful and kind and i appreciate you.

i'm gonna have to make a readmore here as to not clutter up everyone's dashes to tell you my process/thoughts so HERE WE GO!!!!

i actually have only one fic i get edited and it's a non-vore fic, a very close friend of mine edits a fn.a f fanfic i'm writing based on w/illi.am a/f.to/n. i don't ask them to edit my vore stuff, but they do know i'm into vore. i actually write all my fics in a google doc!

i'll typically actually write as i go entirely. i have a rough idea of how i want the fic to go (who's in what, who does what, an event i need to happen, etc) and write along that rough guideline in my head. i write completely in order, or else i can't make it flow well together. sometimes i'll write what else may need to get done or else i may forget.

i'll consider things i decide to change as i go along "the first draft," since i went with something entirely different. for example, in one of my drafts for a wip fic, i chose to have luke, in the serial killer, panic and size-shift to half size and have the fic end with a half-size hurt/comfort vore from luke and rowan. instead, i changed it so luke is dazed but has time remain his current size and pull rowan out of his pred instincts taking over and have cuddles afterwards and vore when they got home, luke still the same size.

though adhd and autism get in the way at times—executive dysfunction is a bitch. a lot of things i have written, like a luke and rowan serial killer fic, as well a a fugue state william fic have been a WIP since February of this year—literally when i BROKE MY FOOT and was stuck in a reclining chair for a month. i keep telling myself i need to get to them, but then i see ffxiv and hanging out with friends and just decide that's a better way to spend my time at the moment. i've been in a huuuuge brain fog for a few months bc of this, the recent one shot i posted was actually made because i was speaking vore feelings i had with medli.

i definitely have an easier time writing when i'm specifically fixated on vore, luke and rowan, william, mike, etc.

i'll write when i'm hyperfixated, and my brain pushes me to write more when i'm at work rather than at home, because adhd classifies work as something i need a distraction from, and home as chill time. i'll write on my breaks or when i have a moment to myself to sit and hide.

i'll tell you right now, i get SOOO many ideas and have at least 10+ wips, including f./n/a,f, luke and rowan, and ffxiv characters.

when i write, i'm mostly writing from my heart. exactly what i'd expect to think, feel, and hear. i put myself into the perspective/mind of the characters i'm writing and can get deep into these fics as i write them. i get so interpersonally connected to my writing as i'm writing that i physically feel my character's emotions, and see them in my head exactly how they play out.

honestly, i'm not too sure about tips on how to get out of making yourself write when you don't feel like it. i've gotten frustrated with myself for staring at my documents for too long and not being able to write anything. i imagine the scenario in perfect detail, and then i'll sit down, stare at my work, and i'm like ....???????????????????

i'm actually trying to open up to my therapist about getting medicated so i can have an easier time writing/creating for you guys! hopefully soon.

i hope this kind of gives you some insight to my process, please go forth and create and never be afraid to share. <333

this ask means a lot to me!

[tired-biscuit]

i've just seen your posts on dash biscuit and its so sad you're feeling like that :( If i'm to tell you the honest truth biscuit, I don't remember how I found your account but i remember being so intrigued and hooked immediately - I went on to read your War General Kiba (to somewhat expose myself.. I am War General Kiba anon from around a month ago) bc your writing itched my brain so fuckin good !!

It makes me so sad that uni started recently for me and I have been so caught up I haven't gotten around to reblogging war general kiba because I haven't gotten the moment to write my thoughts regarding those:( they're sitting in my drafts. I decided I would read every single one of your fics a month ago (unfortunately I haven't been able to yet) - including the naruto thirst you elaborated on for me, and though I haven't gotten time to read it, THANK YOU SO MUCH BISCUIT for taking your time out to do that :( <3

You deserve every single one of those likes , but you deserve them alongside an equal amount of reblogs :/ i sincerely hope that these followers and whatnot pull their heads out of their ass and start reblogging - because if they don't, they're not going to have anything to read. bc biscuit you are such an amazing and talented writer, and it always blows my mind we get to read your masterpieces for free. FOR FREE!!!! that is so crazy like, this is stuff that could get you MILLIONS and we have the blessing from you to type a few words onto our screens and read it! like WOW thank you so much <3 🍁 anon

oh my gosh, you’re so sweet; imma start sobbing!

listen, you don’t have to apologize for not being able to read my fics; i get it, life happens and we get busy as people and fanfiction definitely is NOT everything there is to life! so please don’t say sorry for that because there is literally no need for it, like i said. YOU’RE GOOD!

it just grinds my gears that i’m not allowed to vent on here about this particular topic because some people will INSTANTLY jump the wagon to call me ungrateful. i get it, i get notes, but people usually don’t understand that likes don’t mean shit on here and that the majority of those notes are just that: likes. sure, i get a little notif that someone liked my story, but i have no clue what they thought about it based from that heart. i have no clue if they’ve even actually read it. to make matters even worse, it makes the post just straight up fucking die.

i spend hours and hours and hours writing, editing, rereading, tweaking the same story for ages. i could just not post it and keep it to myself, sure, but i enjoy interacting with my moots and my followers in general, and giving people that share my interest in the same characters something to read about, because let’s be real; kiba is niche af. i like feeding the kiba girlies because i barely had anything to eat a couple years back when it comes to him and i’ve worked my fucking ass off for those notes over the years, SO OF COURSE I APPRECIATE THEM, OK?

this debate, or whatever you wanna call it, has been circling around here for ages and it’s useless at this point, i think... writers, artists, creators of all sorts say “please say thank you for my creation that i made for YOU after you’ve asked, i beg” and people call us ungrateful or stuck up or whatever the fuck. i mean, do people seriously think i enjoy self-reblogging all the time and begging for interaction like that robin hood meme with the cup???????? no, i do it because it is the only way people will see my work before it disappears into the ether once again, ffs!!!!!!!!

ANYWAYS, i will write a drabble for your war general!kiba ask when i have the time, i promise! i just want to actually make it good and write like a proper story instead of just my thoughts because he is very dear to me and i am a perfectionist when it comes to my royalty AU and it makes me overthink and just… yeah! he has been sitting in the back of my head, clanking his heavy weapons impatiently, lmao.

I LOVE YOU!

[revasserium]

but in the meantime, i love love love childhood friends to lovers too <3 all the best with the zoro fic! -- @anonymilk

i love how in the previous reply of my ask you said you don't have the energy to write and your new zoro fic is estimated to be hella long. go girl, give us your blood, sweat, and tears <3 (im saying all these with a sincere and endearing tone XD). how is the progress of that fic? you said that you normally write without much planning, and you seldom do drafts (iirc), but is it the same for long fics? how do you handle longer fics? what sparked the idea?? also don't forget to drink water and take breaks! also, dw abt not having "that girl" tips for dealing with stress. i also have a few bad habits up my sleeve, although thankfully it has been sort of controlled and i hopefully won't spiral again XD

LMFAO LAWD go on -- expOSE me some more why dont u HAHAH. no but in all honesty, i think it was a combo of me feeling super inspired by opla, opla fandom being fucking HYPER active right now, and actually (!!!) me forcing myself to read like actual books that i enjoy reading!

i always forget (for some stupid reason) that nothing inspires me to write like reading does. and you'd that after almost 20 years of reading and writing voraciously, i'd have learned that by now but alas, here we are -- every single fucking time.

it's like pms-ing, and then realizing when u get ur period that u were feeling genocidal bc of pms... and just like living through that cycle every month. whomph.

and yes, you're right -- i do write with zero plan. i still write with zero plan. but the its like... hm. how do i say this without sounding absolutely unhinged and literally clinically insane --

whenever i feel inspired to write down a story, i'll hear/see/feel the first few lines in my head, like literally word for word, the sentences will just... unfurl inside my brain. and i'll get this like vague, misty impression of how the story might go. now IF at this point in time, i'm in a place where i can write down the first few lines and "pin down" the start of the story, then it's safe. it's home free. think of it like... tendrils of silk on a high wind -- if i manage to catch the end of one and pin it down, the rest of the string might still flutter in the wind, but there's much less chance of it just flying away.

now if i DONT manage to get those first few lines pinned down to a word doc or a notion page or like... the back of a grocery store receipt, then the story simply flies off, towards another willing creative who might have the time and energy to pin it down instead. it's happened plenty where the start of stories will come to me when im in bed or riding the subway or whatever, and i'm too tired or there's no service or whatever -- and i decide to let that story go. but literally it'll just flitter through me and then by the time i sit down somewhere i can actually write, i'll have forgotten the whole thing.

but after i've got the beginning down, there's a high chance that while i'm writing the beginning, i'll get some idea of how i want it to end (this isn't always the case; a lot of times the end won't come to me till i'm solidly halfway through). so i'll like write down roughly how the story wants to end, and from there, i have to do the legwork of filling in the middle -- aka GETTING from the beginning to the end.

and truthfully, i still don't plan. i have no idea how most of the story will go. but i like to think of the story as it's own kind of living thing as opposed to it coming from like... inside me. so i trust it like it's a living thing too, i trust that if i write down the beginning and then as much as i can of it, it'll stay put where it's supposed to be till i have time to come back to it. and so far, that's what's worked for me.

this is the case even for my "longer" fics, and i think the longest i've written on this blog is like... 4/5k, but in my personal "archives" of fics i've just written for myself (there's a kakashi fic, a criminal minds spencer reid fic, and an inuyasha fic, that are all like 50k+ words each, and unfinished), this is still the case. i just write what comes to me, and trust that if a story wants to and is meant to be told by me, it'll stay put for as long as i need it to till i can find the time and energy to take care of it and write it down.

there's no advanced planning, no like... outlines or anything. i still just sit down and write.

before, back when i didn't have to get up at 8am to work a big girl job, i would just tough it out and stay up all night writing till i was done with the story or it was done with me or i got too delusional to keep on writing. but now, as long as i've got a decent start penned down, i can kinda close out the fic whenever i want to, and then come back to it later.

and thank you for reminding me to drink water!!! it's highly necessary haha. AND YES I LOVE CHILDHOOD FRIENDS TO LOVERS BRO. i can't wait till this fic is finished <3 now this answer got WAYYY fucking long but i hope you enjoyed reading my answer regardless.

[madaqueue]

oooOOOOH this is so fun thank you for the tag my dear perce!!!!!!!!!

short things i'm working on rn:

too sweet | choso x reader (aphrodisiacs. this was the first thing i ever tried to write, it has been sitting in my drafts FOREVER and i may never finish it oops)

crybaby | satoru x reader (pegging. literally just fucking him stupid lmao)

trust fall | satoru x reader (established relationship + intox. i just.....wanna do stuff to him idk idk idk)

actual longer things:

tear my flesh, hold my hand, feel my warmth | suguru x reader (was originally going to be my contribution for flufftober but it just....got away from me. hoping to post it next week but i just keep adding things to it sldkfjlkdvn. all angst and fluff)

caged sentinel | sukuna x reader (was originally going to be in my kinktober but ended up being too much of a character study instead of porn lmao so now it's gonna be it's own piece. kidnapping, some predator/prey dynamics, all that good stuff)

the place where there is no darkness | satoru x reader (i have been working on this for almost 5 months and it's just...a lot. y'all will know when i get ready to post this but i want this to be the best thing i ever write. tbh i will be horribly scared to share it bc this fic has been my baby, it's already over 10k words and i still feel like i'm less than halfway done with it. some yandere, dubcon, horrible horrible mommy issues, etc)

tagging: @toadtoru @hiraethwrote @musouie @samaraxmorgan + anyone who has a pile of wips sitting in their drafts :))

wip tag game !

rules — list the names/titles of docs in your WIP folder + open your inbox to asks about them

thank you @wokelander for the tag <3 i always get distracted so some of these are partially written while others are just ideas! i'm sure i have more, but i can't find them right now lol

break up 'cause i'm bored | denji x best friend reader (cheating)

can't hold it | yuta x reader (piss)

stumbling in the dark | megumi x reader (step/incest)

lend a hand | satoru x reader

a perfect fit for me | yuji x reader

dumb mutt | naoya x puppy reader

keep them happy | nobara x reader x yuji (established nobara x reader)

like it better | leon kennedy x reader (age gap)

tagging: @papersirens @kentophilia @madaqueue @rosesaints @chositooo and anyone else who wants to! no pressure ofc <3

[beaversatemygrandma]

So my older younger sister is in town for thanksgiving. The college one. The goth who proudly walks through a catholic school wearing pentagrams and shirts with 666 on them. Great kid. Well, once she got a job at the restaurant next door to my work, our social lives became oddly connected even tho we never hung out with each other, just the same person in his opposite circles. And this person? The mentioned fuckboi who crashed on my couch for like three months and brought me and some other girls together. If anybody remembers the story of the fuckboi and all that, my sister has the fucking continuation of it and I’m still SCREAMING over the development in the Same Fucking Story because fuckboi is still on his bullshit, but now with my sister’s ex best friend from high school.

So, after the whole act the fuckboi pulled with me and those other two girls from panera, he slipped over to the arby’s next door where he was the slightly elder ‘i’m possibly in college’ type of person. (You know, you have the high schoolers, ‘college’ kids, and then everybody over 25. He went from being the just graduated fresh out of school one to the ‘college’ one. And he picked up another few girls. 

The worst part is: Boi was a manager there. The same boi who decided that he wasn’t moving with his parents to another city and decided to live on my fucking couch.

He didn’t stop the fuckboi shenanigans. Now, with these fresh out of high school girls and him being in his gap years, he ended up settling into a relationship with my sister’s friend. Now, my sister, being the good friend who very much knows about what this guy did with me and my friends, she goes to her friend and says “He cheated on his ex, and is currently cheating on you.” etc etc. To which her friend vagues her on tiktok about “Knowing *fuckboi* would never do that to her” meanwhile my sister is just like, “K. this is your problem now. Bc he’s fucking this other girl i know.” Then fuckboi joined the air force, gets ‘military married to’ her, still sleeping around but he’s ‘absolutely dedicated and loyal’ to this girl. And this girl left all her damn friends behind bc every one was like ‘he’s not good.’ 

And. well. he’s not good.

Then as my sister tells me this story, she digs up the evidence of the vaguepost and shows me it. Fuckboi has gone from kinda cute, kinda weird, kinda hot, to looking like he just got drafted and kinda weird-looking. (He has a damn clean shaven face and a buzzcut and i do not know this man and cannot believe that i previously was a partner of his)

Anyways, he’s in the Air Force now and still fucking around literally everywhere yet engaged to some girl he’s been dating for less than a year. I’m still screaming about this. I don’t know who that man is anymore. It’s only been two years since his last girl (same one i was friend with) got sick of him and kicked him out and I’m becoming convinced that he can’t afford to live on his own without a girlfriend with a home because his parents went across the state so he keeps getting girlfriends to live with all the while still being a fuckboi.

And the Air Force. It at least explains the box of flight simulator gear i had sitting in my dining room for three months.

ENGAGED. HE’S 21. WHAT ARE WE? cHILDREN?? TF ARE YOU ENGAGED FOR?

He hasn’t deleted me on snap yet and there’s a chance i could really fuck something up if i wanted to. But I’ll let this girl live in her deluded happiness with him until he messes around with my sister’s life again.

Also, suddenly remembering the time this boy told me I had a ‘bad boy complex’ because he was such a bad boy and that’s why i had feelings for him, not like he was a close person to me who i was sleeping with or anything. Bad boy. He called himself a bad boy. Dude. You don’t know bad by a long shot and are literally a lawful citizen in EVERYTHING other than your cheating and that you can drive 90mph in a fucking prius. Just because you were sleeping with somebody who was 22 when you were 16 and drinking doesn’t mean you're a ‘bad boy’. (It wasn’t me, he was 18 when around me and STILL Boasting about that.)

He was a rich kid who came to the south part of town to sleep around more after his whole adventure there.  I can’t even with this kid.

[hiding-under-the-willow]

oooh ok LaHoF questions

1. what was the first scene you came up with? (im pretty sure it was . well. the house on fire. but just in case.) (and if it was where did you go from there/what did you think of next?)

2. how did you come up with the idea did something inspire you or did it just spontaneously appear in your mind one fateful day or what?

3. what is your favorite part(s) ?

YIPPEE!!! These are such good questions man

1. The first scene i came up with was actually the tent scene from the first chapter! The fire came next, the rest of it came from me trying to figure out how to link those two scenes and build on the themes and deciding where the story would go after that. I think the deep dark thing was the third thing that came up. Oh, fun fact! The chapter with Wels and Hypno, the one where Wels and Hels have their fight out in the nether, didn't exist in the original story outline! I got to that point in the writing process and went 'no wait there's something missing here' and ended up with that like 7500 chapter which helped immensely with pulling everything together for that bit of the story.

2. Okay. This is the point at which I let you all in on a little secret. At least half of the things I write start off as Zeph storylines in my head. The tent scene was originally thought up as an encounter between Hels and Zeph, bc I was interested in like the idea of what would happen if a hermit were to mistake him for Wels, how he would use that opportunity. Zeph is like my little test dummy I throw scenarios at them and sometimes I take one of those scenarios and extract the themes out of it and go 'oh actually this would be incredibly compelling with this character instead'. Which is exactly what happened with that tent scene.

I had always kind of wanted to explore Hels and Beef's dynamic before this since it isn't explored in canon and tbh is kind of ignored by a lot of fic writers, but this was the only idea I had which had ever really compelled me in that department. It was like watching the puzzle pieces all fall into place at once it was great. The fire also came very naturally. I've always had an association between Hels and fire, and the idea of him burning one of the hermits' bases has always kind of been living rent free in my head bc of his whole 'I am going to destroy this place and everything you hold dear' mentality. It's something that's bounced around in Zeph storylines, and a series of dreams I had a few years ago that a few old followers might remember me posting about, but this was my first good opportunity to put it to paper in a way that was narratively fulfilling. Something about the season 10 setting just really lended itself to this narrative and I don't know how to explain it but it is quite literally the easiest a fully formed storyline has ever popped into my head in my life.

3. The chapter 3 deep dark scene is so everything to me. The fire as well is obviously beloved in many ways. There are a million little character moments i could name that drive me personally insane. I actually fucking loved writing Beef's dream flashback to the cloning machine from the fire chapter? Something about taking the actual events and dialog from his video and recontextualizing it was so satisfying. I love artistic recontextualization!!!! Then there's a chapter coming up soon. That i am very excited to write. To say the least. I've had a draft of the dialog sitting around in my notes for months. There is an illustration already done for it that I can not wait to post as well.