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qqueenofhades · 4 years ago

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Modern AU Heartrender Husbands gives me the vibes of like they'll watch eurovision bc Fedyor wanted to and Ivan only begrudgingly agreed but in the end it's him who's standing really close to the TV with a bottle of beer loudly criticising the jury vote

Anon, your Mind. As 100% ever, I am so very easy to enable. As before, this is set in Phantom!Verse, and serves as a sequel of sorts to this (and as a further prequel to PEL).

Brighton Beach, 2014

It’s their first spring in their new home – they arrived in America in August 2013 and got this place, fittingly, right around Orthodox Christmas in January 2014 – and that means many things to them. Their apartment is in a formerly rent-controlled brownstone tenement right off the boardwalk, but prior to their arrival, it was occupied for fifty years by an old bat from Krasnodar Krai who apparently never, ever, threw anything away. (Fedyor is too scared to ask if she actually died in this apartment and her mummified corpse is lurking at the bottom of all the junk.) That is why he and Ivan were able to afford it, at least, but now that the weather is warmer, they have been spending all day cleaning, hauling boxes of crap to the dumpster, and trying in vain to get the smell of pickled cabbage out of the kitchen. It looks exactly like your Great Aunt Masha’s house, the one that traumatized you as a child and has never left your nightmares since. Home sweet home.

The upside is that the location is great, the apartment is surprisingly spacious and lovely – a big bedroom, a bathroom with two sinks and a deep claw-footed tub, a living room with high windows that let in lots of light, original crown molding and hardwood floors – and if it was located in the really chic parts of Brooklyn and inhabited by a tech-startup hipster rather than a Russian émigré spinster with definite hoarding tendencies, it would rent for some astronomical monthly sum. Fedyor has a three-ring binder full of paint swatches, sketches, furniture samples, and other plans to give it a total overhaul (he’s thinking a nice pale green for the living room?) But the one thing that spring definitely means is Eurovision, and it is just the ticket to relax from their grueling schedule of throwing boxes of junk away and hoping they don’t stumble upon a withered hand in a glass jar. He likes America and he’s excited for their new life, for all that they had no choice but to leave Russia in a hurry, but Eurovision is Eurovision.

Actually watching it, of course, is easier said than done. For one thing, Fedyor can’t find a blasted station that is airing it, when he could have just switched on the TV and found it right away back home. For another, Ivan is deeply dubious of the whole endeavor, having watched five minutes of it once when he was eighteen and turning it off in disgust, never to return. Fedyor spends a lot of time wheedling him to give it another chance. “Come on, Vanya. It’s fun!”

“It is a lot of homosexuals gyrating in leather to very bad music,” Ivan snaps. “They look ridiculous. And sound even worse.”

Fedyor glances at them – the fact that they’re sitting on the couch, he’s on Ivan’s lap with his legs draped over Ivan’s thigh, and Ivan’s arms wrapped around his waist – and coughs. “I’m not sure how to break this to you, darling,” he says, “but you are also a homosexual.”

“Maybe, but you would never catch me dead up there.”

“Of course not.” Fedyor rolls his eyes. “You might actually have to smile.”

Ivan makes a scoffing noise. Then he notices the full-on puppy-dog face that Fedyor is now giving him, and says, “Oh no. Oh no, Fedya. Do not look at me like that.”

“Why not?” Fedyor shamelessly snuggles closer. “Is it working?”

The predictable outcome is that Ivan grudgingly agrees to watch it with him, though they’re on American time now and Eurovision Song Contest 2014, held in Copenhagen, Denmark, is six hours ahead of them. Ivan thinks that it’s stupid to sit down and watch a lot of gyrating homosexuals in the middle of the day, when there’s still so much work to do, and tries to demand that they just watch the recording later. Fedyor says this is nonsense, you simply cannot watch a recording of Eurovision, and after a lot of investigation, finds the online streaming channel on his laptop and hooks it up to the TV so they can watch it there. Then he prepares his popcorn, his alcoholic beverages, and his glitter glasses, corrals his recalcitrant husband, and readies himself to experience pure joy. No wonder Ivan doesn’t get it.

However, the effect is both swift and remarkable. By the end of the first semi-final, Ivan is put out about the fact that Russia came seventh in the popular vote but was knocked down to eleven by the jury (this is evidence of an anti-Russian conspiracy, according to him) and when only Moldova, a tiny no-name non-EU former Soviet state, deigns to award them the full twelve points, he is openly incredulous. “Moldova?! That is all we get?! MOLDOVA?!”

“Well,” Fedyor says delicately. “There is that little situation in Ukraine, so I’m afraid we are not that popular right now.”

“That is bullshit,” Ivan grouses. “This is a song contest. The Tolmachevy Sisters are not Vladimir Putin. I am sure they have worked very hard to be here.”

Fedyor glances at him and wisely decides not to say anything. He is likewise a little peeved when the Russian contestants get booed by the Danish audience, but Ivan looks like he’s about to leap through the screen and throttle every single one of them. He thrusts out a hand. “Give me a drink, Fedya. I need it to suffer this indignity.”

Fedyor cracks the lid off a cold one and hands it over – there is the Brighton Bazaar just a few blocks away, stocked with Russian goods, so they are spared the ordeal of drinking Yankee beer – and Ivan takes a long slug. He thinks they can skip watching the second semi-final two nights later, since Russia isn’t in it, but Fedyor puts it on anyway. They both like Austria and “Rise Like a Phoenix,” sung by the bearded drag queen Conchita Wurst (there have been a few dumb comments about her from the usual suspects), but Ivan hits a fist on the arm of the sofa. “She was not better than the Russian girls,” he says loyally. “I still think that they should be the ones to win.”

“Right, well,” Fedyor says. “I think the only ones less likely to win are the Brits, and they never win, so we might be waiting a while.”

The grand finale, on May tenth, is an inadvertently hysterical exercise. They get up early and put on the pregame show, like the Americans do with their bewildering fixation on the Super Bowl, and Ivan gets even more furious when the Tolmachevy Sisters are booed again. “Are they not supposed to love everyone at this glitter bacchanalia? So much for the Scandinavians being tolerant and accepting people! The song is nice! They are nice girls! What is wrong with them?!”

“Come over here and give me a cuddle, Vanya,” Fedyor suggests. “Otherwise you will blow a blood vessel long before the show starts.”

Ivan growls like an escaped tiger from the zoo, but consents to sit down next to Fedyor. They both drink copiously once the festivities get underway, singing along loudly (and not that melodiously) to the various entries, Fedyor’s arm draped around Ivan’s neck as he sits on his lap and critically judges the acts before the official results pop up. Once again, the only twelve-point awards Russia gets are from former Soviet countries (Azerbaijan and Belarus) and Ivan looks like he’s going to have a conniption before Fedyor kisses him and he gets distracted for the next three minutes. “This is disgraceful,” he mutters, when they break away. “Not you, Fedya. Just the horrible way they have clearly rigged this show against us.”

“You know,” Fedyor says. “That’s Eurovision. You declare war on your neighbors when they don’t give you twelve points. Now they have the EU, they’re not supposed to fight anymore, this is the only way they can get all those old rivalries out. Just be glad that Australia isn’t in this year. You might have really blown a gasket.”

“Australia?!” Ivan shifts Fedyor to a more comfortable position on his lap and grabs for his third bottle of beer. “AUSTRALIA IS NOT IN EUROPE! It is not even anywhere NEAR Europe! WHY DOES AUSTRALIA GET TO BE IN EUROVISION!?!”

Fedyor laughs out loud. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too,” Ivan says. “But this is still the stupidest thing I have ever seen.”

“Shh.” Fedyor nuzzles him. “Just give in, Vanya. Just give in.”

Ivan consents to turn his grumbling down to a simmer, and is somewhat mollified that Russia comes in sixth overall, which is better than even Fedyor thought they were going to do. Austria takes the champion’s crown, they can both agree that Conchita Wurst deserves it, and get up and dance around their still-junk-cluttered living room as she gives her bravissima performance. A few things have been thrown during the judging, but they can’t add much to the existing mess, and in Brighton Beach, “damage caused to the apartment because Russia got shafted during Eurovision finals” might actually be a legitimate excuse. As he leans against Ivan’s chest and grins into his neck, Fedyor has to admit that this place may just feel like home yet.

#ivan x fedyor #heartrender husbands #fivan #pel asks #henchmen deserve happiness too okay #anonymous #ask #fivan ff

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footballerindreams · 4 years ago

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How I Met Your Mother - Park Jihoon (one shot)

---

Jihoon had been a successful MC for not only with Inkigayo, but also with some other shows. Heck he even had a chance to host the likes of MAMA and SMA, a feat that rarely happens.

And well, through hosting he was able to meet the future other half of his life.

He met Y/N when Jihoon was nominated for as best host of the year and Y/N was invited on the yearly event with her team of newscasters because one of her colleagues was nominated for Best Documentary. And fate let them sit at the same table…and beside each other.

Jihoon being an extrovert and a social butterfly that he is, he became immediately professionally close to her and to the team, sharing stories and jokes while the award show is going on.

Jihoon may not been able to win the award, but he was able to win the hearts of those people around him…especially Y/N.

The next day he and his fellow Treasure members were enjoying their day off and had a chance to watch the review of the award show that last night.

“Hyung! Look at this!” Doyoung shouted and Jihoon, Jeongwoo and Mashiho gathered in their living room and watch the show.

“Showbiz bits! Treasure member and last night’s nominee for best host Park Jihoon, is seen getting close with newscaster YFam/N Y/N. Last night’s award show has been memorable and most especially for the fans that were watching it. The number of times Mr. Park has been caught by the camera getting close with Ms. YFam/N, talking about something made a ruckus on the internet. Tweets over the two to be a potential couple has been massive and so far, the fans expect something more. Well, we’ll see about it.”

Mashiho, Doyoung and Jeongwoo looked back at their hyung and Jihoon is nervous.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Jihoon backed out a bit.

The three suddenly smiled at him in an eerie way.

“You’re interested in her.” Mashiho started.

“What the hell are you talking about, I was actually talking to the rest of the people there. Not only to her?” Jihoon defended.

“Well, if you say that, and the way she looks at you, I think she likes you, hyung.” Doyoung said.

“Stop with the nonsense Doyoungie. Why would she like me? I’m just an idol.”

“Who would not like you, hyung? Girls are falling for you. Your smile, your wits. Not to mention that great body of yours. Oh, how I wish I have that too.” Jeongwoo said.

“Shut up Jeongwoo. There you go again with your low self-esteem.”

“Why don’t you give her a chance, hyung? Even probably as friends?” Mashiho suggested.

“I’m too busy right now to give attention to women. And so are you, you and you.” Jihoon said pointing his fingers one by one to his dongsaengs.

---

The next time Jihoon and Y/N saw each other was in the building of YG itself.

“Hi Park Jihoon-ssi.” Y/N waved and greeted.

Jihoon just got out of the cafeteria together with Hyunsuk and Junghwan, finished their breaktime by eating and chatting.

“Hey! Y/N-ssi! What brings you here?” Jihoon replied.

“Well, me and my team had an interview assignment here. We are going to meet Bobby-ssi.” Y/N gladly replied.

“Oh! With Bobby-hyung…I mean Bobby-sunbaenim. I did not know you are doing a music segment. You are usually in charge of weather forecasts.” Jihoon said.

“Yeah. New assignment. My boss said that I could fit as well for the segment and decided to give it to me and give it a try. This is the first time so I don’t have an idea what shall I do.”

“I know you can do it. I believe you.” Jihoon assured.

“Thank you so much, Jihoon-ssi.”

Hyunsuk suddenly and politely interrupted, “Uhm. Are you looking for Bobby-hyung? He’s at the 5th floor right now. I had a chat with him today. He said he has an interview in a short while. I guess he means you.”

“Thank you so much Choi Hyunsuk-ssi.” Y/N was about to go when she suddenly turned back and when to Jihoon.

“If you don’t mind, can I get your number? I might need help again with something here in YG and I think you are close with the other artists here aside for your members.”

---

Jihoon was in his room looking at his phone. Displayed was Y/N’s name and number.

“Damn Jihoon! You’re so lucky!” Hyunsuk said. Slapping the other’s shoulder.

“Ouch! Why slap me like that?” Jihoon rebutted and lock at his phone (for “protection”).

“What are you doing?! The girl is into you!” The older leader reprimanded.

“What’s the big fuss? She just asked my number for important reasons and she gave hers. That’s it.” The younger replied.

“You don’t have any idea, do you.” Hyunsuk is starting to get amused, frustrated, and mad at the same time.

Now Jihoon is nervous and curious. “What?”

“Y/N is one of the beauties of newscasting. Many, as in many guys want to date her. I heard that she got a lot of date offers from a lot of guys, especially in the music industry but it seems she rejected all of those.”

“And what’s your point?” Jihoon was now skeptical.

And Hyunsuk can’t take it, he gripped his hair hard. “Don’t you see it?! She talks to you! Twice already! Not to mention she asked your number, and she gave hers. Are you dumb or dumber?”

“Hyung, out of all the members here I was expecting you to be levelheaded. You sound like Jeongwoo and Doyoung.”

And Hyunsuk had enough. “ugh! Gosh. I’m outta here. My future wife called. She said Seung and Yong are looking for me.”

---

Y/LN Y/N calling…

“Hello?” Jihoon answered the phone.

“Hi Jihoon-ssi. I hope I’m not bothering you.” Y/N spoke.

“No. Not at all.”

“Oh. Thank heavens. Uhm, I had a favor to ask.”

“What is it?”

“Can we meet somewhere. I need to talk to you about certain things.”

“What kind of “certain things”?

“Treasure-related.”

“Ok? Where then?”

And the two met at a secluded but fine coffee shop in Bukchon.

“Nice to see you again, Y/LN-ssi.” Jihoon greeted as he sits down in front of the news reporter.

“Oh please Jihoon-ssi. Just call me Y/N.”

“Ok. Then about Treasure. Why me? Hyunsuk-hyung knows the members better since he is the oldest.

“Well actually, my coworker had contacted him and he said that he cannot come because he has a schedule too and he recommended you to come.”

Jihoon is always intuitive. When Y/N said that he knows that Hyunsuk planned it. He knows the other leader had no schedule for today.

“If he wasn’t my hyung, I already jiu-jitsued him.” He thought.

“Ok then. What do you want to know, Y/N.” Jihoon asked with a smile on his face.

Their conversation went on for hours. From Treasure, the members, their fun lives, and even their own personal lives. Jihoon was amazed to know about the girl in front of her. Coming from a middle class family, she challenged herself to become who she is today. He also knew that she is a big IKON fan and the only girl and youngest in the family.

Their secret coffee shop meeting became a regular one. In those meetings they became more closer and knew more about each other. Y/N realized that when Jihoon is excited, he automatically switches to his Busan dialect without him knowing and she finds it amusing.

But one day, everything was about to change.

“Jihoon-ah! Where are you?” Hyunsuk was in a panic looking for his dongsaeng in the dorm, barging in the door without even knocking. It was early in the morning.

Doyoung, being an early rise came out of his room. “What’s wrong hyung?”

“Where’s Jihoonie?”

“In his room, hyung. He’s probably still sleeping.”

Hyunsuk did not bother and went directly to Jihoon’s room and barged in, and waking up the boy in his bed.

“Jihoon, wake up.” Hyunsuk nudged him forcefully.

The Busan boy stirred and looked. “Wha-? Hyung? What’s wrong?”

And Hyunsuk shoved his phone in front of Jihoon’s face for him to read.

Park Jihoon and Y/LN Y/N dating?

Treasure member Park Jihoon was spotted with newscaster Y/LN Y/N in a coffee shop at Samchon-dong district. According to some witnesses within the area, they have seen the two regularly for the past few months spending time with each other, casually talking, drinking coffee, and eating desserts. Their meeting is estimated to be long as two hours and then they go out. Our correspondents in Dispatch tried to ask a statement from the coffee shop owner and management but they refused and opted not to speak saying the two are their regular customers and they do not intrude to any topics the two are talking about.

The two were started to be adored by the public after an award show being looking good together.

Now the question is, are they an item now? Or are they a thing? Our team will still get the statement of both YG Entertainment and Y/LN Y/LN’s broadcasting company over the matter. Stay tuned for more information.

“I know you will say you are just friends. But if it is something more or something questionable, please talk to each other about it. I care about you and her. Not just because I am one of the leaders of Treasure and I have to defend you and our reputation, which is really easy by the way, but because I don’t want you to regret and to be happy whatever relationship you have right now.” Hyunsuk asked.

Their conversation was interrupted by a call from Jihoon’s phone.

“Y/N” Jihoon answered.

“Can we- Can we meet and talk?” Y/N asked.

“Okay. Same place?”

“Yes.”

And they found each other again on the same coffee shop. But quieter than usual.

After a few minutes of silence and only the clinging of mugs can be heard, Y/N started to talk.

“Jihoon. It has been fun talking with you but I think this will be the last time.”

“What? Why?” Jihoon started to worry.

“I’m sure you’ve seen the tabloid. I don’t want to jeopardize your career-“

“You know well that I can stand up for whatever heck they throw at us-“

“And I don’t want to hope more that you will return my feelings for you. I’ve been liking you for some time, Jihoon. But it seems this is one-sided.” And Y/N started to stand up and get her bag. “Goodbye, Park Jihoon-ssi.”

And Jihoon sat there frozen, with his cup of coffee, and a slice of cake Y/N loves to eat.

---

Jihoon returns to their dorm that night.

“Hyung, do you want to eat, I cooked---, are you okay?” Mashiho asked.

Jihoon only gave a faint smile. “I’m okay Mashi. I’m just tired. I’ll go to sleep ahead.” And then he went off.

Mashiho only looked at him, knowing something happened.

---

Jihoon laid in his bed, sobbing. He does not understand why he is crying, but he feels the hurt that Y/N decided to stop their acquaintance. He already knew what he is to her and now he starts to ask questions; what is she to him? What are they? What do they have the whole time? These questions bombarded his head to sleep.

He woke up that morning surprised. Hyunsuk was beside his bed looking at him with concern.

“Hyung.” Jihoon said.

“Mashi called me last night. He said you came home with tears in your eyes. He was worried.” Hyunsuk said.

And Jihoon started crying again and hugged his hyung.

“I’m so stupid, hyung. I let her go. I don’t know if I was ignorant or am I just afraid of loving her and she ended everything because she thought we are going nowhere.”

“But do you love her?” Hyunsuk asked.

“This time, hyung…yes.” Jihoon was sure of his answer.

“Then it’s not yet too late.”

---

And Jihoon found himself in a bustling newsroom studio looking for Y/N. It took him some time to find her until he saw him in a green screen area of the room, looking beautiful as ever. He just stayed there on the side as the recording of that day’s news happen. As Y/N was saying her lines, she had a glimpse on the side and saw Jihoon. She continued like a professional she is, not being distracted by his presence.

After the recording, she stepped out of the newsroom and Jihoon started to follow her. She knows he came for her. So she walked faster trying to get away from him.

Jihoon noticed it and hurried up as well.

“Y/N, wait!”

HE catched up with her and held her hand to stop her.

“I know you don’t want to see me. But give me this only chance. I’m sorry. I was stupid. I was afraid. Not because of my career to be at stake, but because I did not realize I am in love with you and when I was, I felt that I will not be enough for you. That’s it. I said what I need to say. It’s up to you now. If you’re still going away, I will let you. I will accept my stupidity. I---”

And Jihoon was interrupted by a kiss on the lips. He was surprised at first but then he gave in. He never thought how soft Y/N’s lips were. He held her tight on the waist, not giving a damn of the people who are already surrounding them inside the newsroom.

---

Jihoon and Y/N confirmed their relationship two months after the newsroom incident. (The people there kept quiet about it until it was revealed.) And two years later they tied the knot. Their wedding was simple but so beautiful and classy. Some wedding planning critics dubbed it as the wedding of the decade. And a year later their daughter, Dahee, was born.

---

For @treasuredays

#park jihoon #treasure #park jihoon fanfiction #treasure fanfiction #kpop fanfiction

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365days365movies · 4 years ago

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April 12, 2021: Mrs. Doubtfire (1992) (Recap)

Hey, Robin Williams. Been a while.

I’m sorry that I haven’t watched your movies for a while, and that I always skip your comedy stand-up when my phone’s on shuffle. I just...let me explain. Since I was a kid, you were one of my favorite entertainers. That might as well have started the day I was born, because...well, we share a birthday, fun fact. But it definitely continued with the first movie I ever saw in theatres.

While I don’t quite remember the first time I saw it, Aladdin was one of my favorite childhood movies, and I knew that you were the voice of the Genie from an early age. You might have actually been the first actor I ever knew by name. Which makes sense, because your stardom during the ‘90s was nearly unparalleled.

The next film I remember seeing (and hearing) you in was Ferngully: The Last Rainforest. That also starred Tim Curry, who would also be a major figure of my childhood. It also wasn’t the best movie, in hindsight, but it is the only time I’ve heard you rap since.

But eventually, I watched your forays into live-action, too. Jumanji, Hook, even the objectively bad Flubber, are all movies that I vividly remember watching during childhood. I was really excited for Flubber, even, and I LOVED Jumanji growing up. I liked Hook, too, but I appreciated that more as I got older.

Of course, during this time period, you also made less family-friendly films. The Fisher King, Good Will Hunting, Dead Poets Society, Good Morning Vietnam, and What Dreams May Come were all very successful, and cemented your reputation as an actor. I also haven’t seen any of them. In fact...I don’t think I’ve seen any of your dramatic roles, and that’s something that I’ll fix this year. Hell, in a few days, I’ll watch The Birdcage, another of your big hits of the ‘90s.

But why haven’t I seen them up to now? Well...I was going to watch these films, about seven years ago. But...I haven’t been able to bring myself to do it. Because it hurts. A lot.

I know that this is a downer, but my relationship with Robin Williams today is tainted by his tragic death. I was fucking BROKEN when his death was announced, and I really haven’t been able to watch him since. I’ve seen Aladdin recently, but that’s about all I could stand to watch. I mean, the guy shares a birthday with me! I’ve always loved his comedy stylings, and his improvisational skills are something I’ve internalized to a certain degree.

So, yeah. This one’s tough. But, it’s about time I moved on, and celebrated the man’s career for what it was: stellar. And that also brings up an important question, that some of you have probably asked by now:

HOW HAVE I MISSED MRS. DOUBTFIRE, WHAT THE FUCK

I KNOW I KNOW OK?

Look, I’m not entirely sure how I haven’t seen this movie, because I’m MORE than aware of it! I remember it airing during the ‘90s, my Dad AND girlfriend love this movie, and I know FOR A FACT that my family owned both the DVD AND THE VHS of this movie! So, how? HOW HAVE I NOT SEEN IT BY NOW?

I honestly have no idea, but let’s fix it now, huh? Yet one more man-dresses-as-woman movie this month! And no, I am not watching White Chicks...because I’ve already seen White Chicks. Also, it’s...problematic.

SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Recap

Daniel Hillard (Robin Williams) is a voice-actor, and a good one. Which, given that it’s Robin Williams, isn’t entirely inaccurate. He’s also a voice actor with a spine, as he morally objects to a scene in the cartoon that he’s performing for, in which the main character smokes. By the way, I’m 99% sure that this cartoon is animated by Chuck Jones, and it looks well-made.

Anyway, this leads to him quitting the cartoon altogether, and allows him to pick up his kids early from school. These kids are Lydia (Lisa Hykub), Chris (Matthew Lawrence), and Natalie (Mara Wilson), and it’s Chris’ 12th birthday. Daniel arranges a...surprisingly large party, given that it’s completely impromptu, and it comes with a petting zoo and complete trappings. However, it’s not a party of which his wife will approve.

This wife is Miranda (Sally Field), a successful architect and the breadwinner of the family. After getting a call from the neighbor about the party, she comes home and busts the outrageous party. And for the record, I’m entirely on Miranda’s side here. This party is INSANE, and very irresponsible, given the fact that Daniel currently has no job. And yeah, he’s a very loving father, and a good person, but...it’s too much.

Miranda feels the same, and after 14 years of frustration, she realizes that she no longer loves Daniel. In a genuinely sad scene, she tells him that she wants a divorce. And she goes through with it MUCH to Daniel’s detriment. He has no home, as he’s staying with his brother, Frank (Harvey Fierstein) and his partner Jack (Scott Capurro). He also still has no job, meaning that he has no way to provide for his children. This means that he has no ability to provide, and the judge awards Miranda full custody. Oof.

However, this is a conditional arrangement, as another hearing for joint custody will be held in 3 months, and if Daniel can get a home and job in that time, he has a chance. He performs a litany of voices and impressions with his court liason, Mrs. Sellner (Anne Haney), which amuses me, but not her, and he gets a job in order to be with his kids for more than one day a week.

Meanwhile, Miranda IMMEDIATELY starts dating fellow designer and old flame Stuart Dunmeyer (Pierce Brosnan), like, almost before Daniel leaves the house. He bids a heartfelt goodbye to his kids, with the promise that he’ll see them on Saturdays. And now begins the absolute hatred and petty bitchiness of Daniel and Miranda! Seriously, it’s...it’s fucking terrible, and it takes away from my sympathy from either side. I get that divorce is rough and ugly, but GODDAMN, neither of them perform the act with any form of tact or grace.

This is put on display during the kids’ visitation to Daniel’s semi-crappy new apartment, which doesn’t even seem that bad, to be honest. Miranda dropped them off late and picked them up early, as if to slowly starve Daniel of time with his kids, which is extraordinarily shitty of her, fuck me. Daniel’s not taking it well, understandably, but then does something...really dumb, when you think about it.

See, Miranda’s looking for a nanny, to help watch the kids and clean the house during the week. Daniel volunteers his services, which is actually a good idea, but Miranda says she’ll think about it, which we ALL know means no. I DO NOT like Miranda, even if I understand the initial reasons for the divorce. She’s being especially spiteful, and it’s not a good look.

Daniel’s stupid idea, though, is to change the phone number on the ad for the nanny, which Miranda shows him before she takes the kids. Instead, he calls her number, and pretends to be various terrible applicants, until finally supplying his own applicant: the completely fictional Euphegenia Doubtfire (Daniel Hillard).

Daniel plays Mrs. Doubtfire as an elderly British woman, and a seasoned nanny in her day. Which is why it’s weird to me that, when he does to Frank and Jack to help him make an elaborate disguise as Mrs. Doubtfire, that they go through various other impressions and get-ups. Which, yes, is goddamn hilarious, but also makes NO SENSE, given that they’ve already established her character to Miranda. Funny, but nonsensical.

But, regardless, Euphegenis Doubtfire comes into being, and introduces herself to Miranda and the kids. Mrs. Doubtfire is exactly what Miranda’s looking for, although the kids aren’t exactly overjoyed, ESPECIALLY the oldest, Lydia. Also, during this first meeting, Miranda openly bad-mouths Daniel in front of the kids, in just the WORST fuckin’ way. I genuinely dislike Miranda A LOT. Again, the divorce was certainly justified, but I REALLY don’t like her. Daniel loves his kids, and they’re HIS kids, TOO. Stop using them as weapons against him, OOOOOOOOOOOH I DON’T LIKE MIRANDA

Anyway, that evening, after she’s officially been hired by Miranda, Mrs. Doubtfire heads home, only to find court liason Mrs. Sellner waiting to speak with Daniel. After a litany of puns, and a humorous changing scene, Daniel accidentally throws the Mrs. Doubtfire mask out of the window, and is forced to improvise through equally humorous circumstances. Hence, the above meringue mask scene. Has anybody tried that, by the way? Could that work as a groundbreaking beauty technique? Or would the sugar just feed the skin bacteria and give you acne? Genuinely curious.

Now going between his job as Daniel and the nanny job as Doubtfire, Daniel’s not doing too badly for himself. The nanny job begins, and Mrs. Doubtfire IMMEDIATELY contrasts with Daniel, creating a disciplinarian atmosphere in place of Daniel’s formerly loosey-goosey attitude. Which is interesting, and it works! I mean, it’s not how I would parent, but it does work. Doubtfire makes the kids to their homework, rather than watch TV, and then attempts to make dinner. Instead, though, the dinner’s ruined, and Daniel orders takeout and makes it LOOK like homemade food. And it looks good, too! Daniel’s full of hidden talents.

After dinner, as Mrs. Doubtfire’s leaving, Lydia apologizes for backtalking her earlier, and thanks her for making her mom happy with everything she did that evening. he also says that she’s still a bit messed up about her dad being gone. And yeah, it’s sweet-but-sad.

Going forward (and in a montage set to Aerosmith’s Dude Looks Like a Lady), Mrs. Doubtfire takes care of the family, and Daniel even betters himself to become a better Mrs. Doubtfire. Which...to be honest, Daniel REALLY should’ve done this before. I get that he needed the pressure of losing the kids to do this, but...look, Daniel really wasn’t that responsible of a parent, and the fact that THIS is how he learns to be so is...not great. Like, here’s an example, OK: take Donald Trump.

Yeah, I know, what’s this politics doing in my peanut butter? And WOW, that reference is older than me, but anyway. Let’s say that, in two years, a new politician comes on the scene, and her name is Karyn Walldottir. She has somewhat centrist views, and behaves in a way that’s inclusive to the majority, and backs up her claims and promises with evidence (at least true enough for us to suspend our disbelief). This is, of course, Donald Trump disguised as a woman in order to gain custody of the United States of America again. Naturally.

Karyn Walldottir gets elected in 2024, and all of her policies are markedly different from Trump’s and Biden’s, but leaning closer to Biden in progressive standpoints (assuming that that worked for him come 2024). While Trump is doing this specifically to be president again, he ends up revising his personal policies, and being a better person and president for the country. A literal impossibility, I know. But suspend your disbelief to ask this question:

WHY THE FUCK WOULDN’T HE DO THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE? IT MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE!

OK, now that that dumbass (and mildly horrifying) thought process is concluded, let’s get back to Mrs. Doubtfire. In the process of Mrs. Doubtfire’s ingratiation with the family, Miranda’s been dating Stu, whom Mrs. Doubtfire subtly insults when they meet. And yeah, Daniel’s being a little petty here, but it makes a bit of sense at least.

That night, after an accidental intrusion by Chris when Mrs. Doubtfire is going to the bathroom, Daniel’s basically forced to tell Chris and Lydia his little secret, which Lydia’s happy about, but Chris is understandably weirded out about. But, they agree to keep the secret from their mom and younger sister.

At his OTHER job, delivering film reels from a TV station, he witnesses the filming of an extremely boring kids educational TV show, and comments as such to another man watching. As he quickly learns, this is the owner of the station, Jonathan Lundy (Robert Prosky), on whom Daniel makes a good impression.

In the meantime, Mrs. Doubtfire has a talk with Miranda about their love lives, real and fictional. Daniel realizes how badly Miranda had been suffering in their marriage, which she never told him because...well, he never seemed to take anything seriously. Which is entirely fair...but this is why Miranda’s a tricky-ass character. She’s got two sides: there’s the justified caring mother and strong woman, and there’s the PETTY ASSHOLE who genuinely doesn’t care about Daniel or his feelings AT ALL. Jesus.

And Stu...look, Stu is LITERALLY a Gary Stu, who’s mostly perfect. Sure, he’s not always been that way, but he definitely is now! He’s responsible, wealthy, in love with Miranda AND her kids. And yeah, at a country club that he’s a member of (OF COURSE he is), he privately badmouth Daniel in front of Mrs. Doubtfire, calling him a loser, and...yeah, he’s not really unjustified in that statement. Fact of the matter is, Stu is barely even a plot device.

Meanwhile, in Daniel’s day job, he finds himself alone in the studio, where the toy dinosaurs from the TV show are still sitting on the table. He plays with them, gives them voices, sings some songs, and impresses Mr. Lundy, who’s there in the shadows after all that. He’s impressed, and invites Daniel to dinner to talk about a potential future show at the network.

But then, it’s also Miranda’s birthday coming up, and Stu’s holding a dinner for her, to which Mrs. Doubtfire is invited. Trouble is, it’s at the OH FUCK IT. YOU know what this is. It’s at the same time and place as the Mr. Lund meeting yaddayaddayadda LOOK. We ALL know how this is going to end. It’s the GODDAMN LIAR REVEALED TROPE AGAIN. And here’s the thing:

I FUGGIN’ HAAAAAATE THE LIAR REVEALED TROPE

You know, that thing in movies (especially family movies of the ‘90s) where somebody starts off a situation with a lie, they get deeper and deeper into that lie, grow close to people under false pretenses, and then OH NO! THE LIAR IS REVEALED! And everybody’s angry and/or sad, the liar slumps off, defeated and broken, but then realizes the error of his ways, while everybody else realizes the same thing, and he comes back to vindicate himself, and is welcomed back with open arms. And it introduces unneeded tension AND I HAVE ALWAYS FUCKING HATED IT.

Let’s list the examples, shall we? A Bug’s Life, Aladdin, Mulan, The Road to El Dorado, Chicken Run, How to Train Your Dragon, Klaus, Madagascar 3: Europe’s Most Wanted, Megamind (SUBVERSIVE MY ASS), Over the Hedge, Rango, Toy Story, Steven Universe (the whole Pearl/Sardonyx arc, which went on for WAY too long), the list goes on and fucking on. And I GODDAMN HATE IT. Not to say it can’t be done well. Disney actually usually does a pretty good job with it, and Dreamworks uses it A LOT, but almost always pretty well. But sometimes...GOD. Either way, it’s still used FAR too fucking much. And look. Here’s another one. Joy.

Look, at this point...I will freely admit that I'm biased against this trope, but it’s also obvious where this is headed. Basically, Daniel switches back and forth between the dinner with the family, and the dinner with Mr. Lundy. With Mr. Lundy, he gets absolutely SMASHED. Great. Great decision, Daniel.

So, yeah, Mrs. Doubtfire’s also smashed, which is pretty goddamn apparent to them all. At this point, I’m wondering why Daniel, as Mrs. Doubtfire, didn’t just say she was sick as hell, and had to go home. Or, considering the fact that Daniel proposes her as a show idea regardless, the switch wasn’t even necessary! And that means that none of what’s about to happen, happens. Or, here’s a crazy thought, maybe Daniel shouldn’t have POISONED STU’S FOOD WITH CAYENNE PEPPER THAT HE’S ALLERGIC TO!

YEAH! Because that causes Stu to go into anaphylactic shock for a hot sec, causing him to choke. Mrs. Doubtfire does the right thing and gives him the Heimlich maneuver, and in the process, SURPRISE! IT’S BEEN DANIEL ALL ALONG! BUH BUH BUHHHHH DA DA DA DAAAAA DA

Yeah, so Miranda is understandably ENRAGED by this revelation, and it’s all over. Daniel represents himself in court at the custody hearing, but the judge deems his “lifestyle” dangerous for children. Which...yikes, Judge, that statement didn’t age well AT FUCKING ALL. But, given Daniel’s admitted stupidity with this whole idea, he’s not wrong about the dangerous part. But, I have to say, Daniel’s speech in his own defense is nice...although he also says he’s addicted to his children, so let’s throw a second yikes on there for good measure.

The speech moves Miranda...but not enough to prevent Daniel has his custody stripped away from him! GOD THEY BOTH SUUUUUUUUCK. Daniel’s a broken man, and Miranda and the kids are similarly broken without him and Mrs. Doubtfire. However...Daniel’s career isn’t broken AT ALL, as Mrs. Doubtfire is now a kid’s show host! Yeah! And she’s a hit! And again, it brings me to wonder why Daniel DIDN’T APPLY HIS OBVIOUS TALENTS LIKE THIS IN THE FIRST GODDAMN PLACE

Realizing that she made a mistake, she goes to the set during the filming of a show. She congratulates him on the show, and he replies by stating how broken he is now! Thanks, Miranda! Well, after an argument, and after Miranda sees how badly she’s messed up someone she used to care for, they come to an agreement: joint custody. FINALLY GODDAMN IT

And good, because I don’t want them back together. I have to give this film props for that: they acknowledge that these two are NOT good for each other, and they deliver a message in the end: families are families, no matter how they’re shaped. One mom, one dad, uncle or aunt, grandparents, adoption, two separated or divorced parents...oh, also, two dads or two moms. Yeah, that isn’t said in Mrs. Doubtfire’s final monologue, which is odd considering Daniel’s brother and his life partner...but it’s also kid’s TV in the ‘90s, so I guess that sadly makes sense. And with that, and their new family arrangement, Daniel takes his kids on an afternoon out, as himself.

...Look. That’s Mrs. Doubtfire, yaddayaddayadda LOOK. I don’t dislike this movie. In fact, here: have this mini-Review:

Cast and Acting - 9/10: Good, although Brosnan was a little stiff.

Plot and Writing - 5/10: It’s an idiot plot, what can I say? It’s actually based off of a book, which was a surprise to me, but it was adapted by Randi Mayem Singer and Leslie Dixon, and...eh. Still an idiot plot.

Directing and Cinematography - 8/10: It’s Chris Columbus, you get what you get. Definitely has that Home Alone flair to it.

Production and Art Design - 8/10: I mean, yeah, the Doubtfire disguise was good most of the time, but...I dunno, I could still tell it was Robin. But, still, it was good. Took 4 hours of makeup, fun fact.

Music and Editing - 8/10: Music by Howard Shore (ooh, Howard Shore!) was pretty nice, especially the ending theme. Editing by Raja Gosnell was...RAJA GOSNELL???

OH GOD. Yeah, OK, I see what happened here. Also, I didn’t know he was an editor! I just know him as the director of the Scooby-Doo films, Beverly Hills Chihuahua, The Smurfs films, Big Momma’s...

...OK, no, I am not doing Big Momma’s House OR the Madea movies. THE TROPE-BUCK STOPS HERE! I am moving on to something else! But, of course, I have to sum this up in a Review. See you there!

#mrs. doubtfire #mrs doubtfire #chris columbus #robin williams #sally field #pierce brosnan #harvey fierstein #robert prosky #mara wilson #comedy april #user365 #365days365movies #365 movie challenge #365 movies 365 days #365 Days 365 Movies #365 movies a year #moviegifs

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miraculouscontent · 5 years ago

Note

Kwami Buster reaction/analysis please!!!

You got it!

This episode is fun. Like, it’s a lot of fun. It feels like it’s been a while since I just had fun with an episode (I know this season doesn’t have a wide range to choose from there - probably still going to die when attempting to pick a top 5 - but still).

[Kwamitruster]

Just to start off, I’m legitimately surprised that it took this long to get a Ms. Mendeleiev akumatization. On the very small list of people I’ve been waiting to see akumatized, Ms. Mendeleiev has been on it since Season 1 and it’s almost weird that it took this much time considering that she’s basically the school’s only other notable teacher.

Of course, with kwami being what she was seeking before being akumatized… yeah, definitely makes sense for a season 3 episode.

I also enjoy that Ms. Mendeleiev is a bit hammy as Kwamibuster even though I question why in the world she’d go on a show like that to get an important theory out there; maybe she was just that desperate and they were the only ones who’d have her, who knows.

Kwamibuster also almost killed Alec so, y’know, that was great too.

AND MORE TIKKI AND PLAGG INTERACTIONS, YES.

I know we got some in episodes like “Sandboy” and “Reflekdoll”, but this is the prime Tikki-Plagg episode (which… yeah, granted, makes total sense considering kwami is in the darn title). It’s a little more of the same we’ve already seen, with Tikki just being like ugh Plagg why, but this expands on it a bit and has them meeting multiple times and also on Marinette’s balcony, which is nice.

And Marinette isn’t the one blamed for stuff this time, finally–

LIKE, REALLY, LEMME JUST SAY: it was so satisfying to see Marinette stay mad at Tikki for a bit (I was upset too when she tried to brush it off as “kwami nonsense” like excuse me???), and especially for Tikki to actually apologize in the end.

I do wish there was a little more on Plagg, but he does get berated a lot already so it was probably not even worth mentioning after the fact.

By the way, I choked with laughter as Adrien tried to scold SOMEONE ELSE for being irresponsible and almost getting captured. Dude, have you LOOKED in a mirror lately?

I guess the conflict concerning Tikki though is more about how believable it is that Tikki would do this sort of thing. It’s already one character flaw that Tikki seemed to have a hard time admitting that she made a mistake, but for Marinette to basically tell Tikki about how much she trusts Tikki and how she can be herself around Tikki, just for Tikki to not even look immediately guilty…

Yeah, that’s… not Tikki’s best moment there. I really think that Marinette bit wasn’t needed and made Tikki look worse than she needed to.

And speaking of Marinette–

[Mari-Net Result]

THE MIRACULOUS QUEEN HAS ARRIVED AND WE HAVE BEEN GRACED WITH HER PRESENCE.

So, not only does this episode have great Plagg-Tikki interactions, but it’s also Marinette doing one of the many things that Marinette does best. Before she’s even left Fu’s home, she’s already got her entire plan figured out to the last detail, and all we’re told about is her intending to let herself get captured, so we’re just left to guess until we see everything unfold.

And what a great bonus it was to see her wearing so many miraculouses at once. I always feel particularly spoiled when we get to see the design of various miraculouses (like how Adrien’s snake miraculous is really smooth and rounded while Luka’s has little ridges on them, then Marinette’s has a snake-inspired design that looks different enough from the miraculous itself).

(also, side-note: considering how different most of those miraculouses look on Marinette, I’m pretty sure the fox was intentionally similar to the original because she had to transform with it, so it had to be recognizable enough to the viewing audience; I imagine it might look different if she ever has the chance to use just the fox, but that’ll probably never happen)

Plus, there’s just something inherently perfect about the girl who can have 2928374 tasks at any given time using a miraculous that has the power to divide yourself so you can accomplish multiple tasks.

She should honestly keep it just for personal use.

And basically all of the miraculouses are very Marinette, like the ram miraculous becoming bows (is that a reference to that one 3D model of hers with the single bow? I hope so) and most of the miraculouses getting a pink/rose-gold color to them.

…She also looks so silly yet somehow so precious wearing them, of course.

Anarka would be proud, just sayin’. Have you SEEN all the accessories that woman wears?

…Actually, imagine Anarka with all the miraculouses. Like, don’t even take off the jewelry she already wears.

…I’m getting off-topic.

I think it’s interesting that Wayzz seems to have a lot of faith in Marinette compared to Master Fu. I mean, it makes total sense given “Feast”, which showed that Wayzz thinks things through a lot more than Fu, and… I don’t know. It’s just really sweet to see Wayzz believing in Marinette so strongly, and I already like Wayzz in general so it warmed my heart.

By the way, just a quick hooray for Multifox too, who is USING MIRAGE LIKE IT SHOULD BE USED; WHEN YOU’RE HIDDEN AWAY AND NO ONE CAN SEE YOU.

And… yeah, I know that we should probably see more instances of her being exhausted from using multiple miraculouses. I do think that her falling down before she’s even left the house set some expectations, and most other instances are either implied (i.e: the icons for the kwami starting to become more and more shattered the more she unifies) or is just Multifox slowly stepping out, hunched over and looking tired (which did at least make sense since she was the one unified the longest). She does get carried by the kwami throughout most of the episode so I’m not really that bothered about it, even with Fu and Wayzz talking about how special she is (this is always what I mean when I say that her crush on Adrien and her anxiety/clumsiness are massive nerfs that she needs; this girl would destroy the world otherwise).

But, of course, I can’t talk about Marinette wearing all these miraculouses and having this big plan and all these other things without talking about why she’s doing these things.

[Mousetrap]

Alright, everyone knew I couldn’t gush for long forever. Let’s get this over with.

The main thing that brings this episode down - and brings it down hard - is the identity shenanigans. Identity stuff has always been a sore spot in the fandom and this episode keeps poking and prodding at that spot like they’re trying to win an award for it.

It’s this whole thing about “giving up your miraculous” if you find out someone’s identity.

Marinette points it out to Tikki.

Plagg mentions it to Adrien.

Fu implies it to Marinette.

And then Tikki brings it up to Marinette.

Four instances in one episode. One would’ve already been distracting enough but this is four. Like, that’s already dumb, but the logic behind it makes no sense.

First off, the obvious: Ladybug and Chat Noir have been doing this for three seasons. I presume that Marinette would’ve just continued her guardian training had she found out Adrien was Chat, but still, she’s been Ladybug for a long while now and she’s good at it.

It just seems like the show only brought it up to make a point about why Marinette and Adrien specifically can’t know each other’s identities, but having it be mentioned four times and leaving so many holes just has it looking like a desperate attempt. Being so quick in an episode to essentially say, “Hey! If this one thing happens, prepare for two and a half seasons of content to suddenly mean a lot less!” was undeniably going to make people upset (think “Weredad”, but for identities instead of romance).

Secondly, yes, in a theoretical sense, someone figuring out someone’s identity may very well mean that they purposefully tried to figure out their identity, so they should get their miraculous revoked, but that is not such a simple case.

Let’s say that Chat just de-transformed in front of Ladybug. That would technically qualify since now Ladybug knows his identity, so should she get her miraculous revoked because someone else revealed themself and she couldn’t have controlled that?

Not only that, but it was Plagg’s fault that this happened and it’s hard to not let one’s mind wander. It’s not either Adrien nor Marinette’s fault if they’d accidentally figured each other out; it would be Plagg’s.

Thirdly, I am baffled at the idea that figuring out someone’s identity means that the person who figured it out gets their miraculous revoked. That just seems like a recipe for disaster, especially when the rule for temporary heroes (we’ll get to that, by the way) is that one can’t have the miraculous back if anyone else knows their identities.

Getting a miraculous revoked risks akumatization from the negative emotions that would stir up, and that akumatized person could very well just tell Hawk Moth about the identity of the hero they’d figured out, then everything is ruined, just like that.

And no, it’s not fair for, say, Marinette’s miraculous to get revoked because Adrien - hypothetically - went out of his way to discover her identity, but that’s the logical path to take if one is going to pull this “identity reveal = miraculous revoked” card.

Plus, if miraculouses were all about being fair, Chloe never would’ve gotten hers back.

The idea behind protecting one’s identity has always been about “protecting loved ones” or whatever, but then this episode comes along and takes the opposite stance, which is just confusing. It’s as if the rules apply differently just because one has a permanent miraculous, like, “oh, your loved ones would be in danger if they knew, but you won’t get your miraculous taken unless you figure out another hero’s identity.”

…Now, that said, even though that identity thing bothers me in the episode, the identity thing that doesn’t bother me here is when “Ladybug” tells “Marinette” that she can’t get the mouse miraculous back because Chat saw her.

The reason it doesn’t is because it’s not important for us as an audience to believe that Marinette wouldn’t be allowed to have the miraculous back. We already know that Marinette is Ladybug so she can’t really get the mouse back unless there are very specific circumstances involved.

The important thing is for Chat to believe that Marinette can’t get the mouse back and also that Marinette is not Ladybug.

Chat doesn’t know that Rena Rouge and Carapace know each other’s identities.

Max couldn’t have gone into the next room had he not been given the horse.

Chat can’t bring up Viperion without revealing that he’s Adrien (and Ladybug doesn’t know he’s Adrien either, nor is expecting him to be Chat, so she couldn’t make that connection). Not only that, but Adrien didn’t technically see Luka transform into Viperion, so plausible deniability there.

Ryuko hasn’t even happened yet because Fu isn’t on the run yet in “Kwamibuster.”

In addition, “Party Crasher” hasn’t happened (Fu is on the run then) so Chat hasn’t seen Viperion nor Pegase return as heroes. A hero being picked once doesn’t mean that they’ll be picked again, and Fu could’ve just said, “oh, I picked these heroes and it was an emergency.”

Also, it wasn’t just Chat who was there. Ms. Mendeleiev was there as well, and she’d just tried to out the existence of kwami. It was absolutely a mistake on the storyboarders’ parts to not show Mendeleiev being there as well until Mendeleiev approaches Chat, but she was indeed there and she would’ve seen Multimouse de-transform into Marinette as well.

It was also absolutely in-character for Marinette to have this big elaborate plan to clear her as Ladybug whereas Adrien was just like, “um–elementary school?” (he did actually call it a high school earlier but meh, details), so that was a bonus.

But… yeah, no, the episode is definitely not perfect. I mean, just off the top of my head:

- The show Ms. Mendeleiev is on is only fun because of the students’ reactions to it. I didn’t laugh at all otherwise.

- Marinette and Adrien do a similar ramble-y thing back to back which was already done in “Frozer” and I still don’t like it.

- I legitimately don’t know how to feel about Adrien only presuming that Marinette is Ladybug because of what he saw and not because he sees similarities between them. I mean, in a way, I’m glad I get to pile on more evidence to the “Desperada” stuff that was already there but this kid has like, no reaction to the idea that one of his friends is Ladybug. I’m not surprised exactly, but… I’m confused?

- Still going off of Adrien, Chat INTERRUPTS THE BATTLE TO TALK WHICH DISTRACTS LADYBUG ENOUGH FOR HER TO GET SHOT–I mean, like, Adrien/Chat is MOSTLY tolerable in this episode (”Awesome plan, girls!” was nice to hear) but I’d be lying if I said that moment didn’t grate a little on me. Save your internal struggle for patrol, Chat.

- Multimouse’s transformation track is AWESOME but the fact that she holds her pose while the background is still moving at the end looks strange to me when basically all other transformations have the pose and background freeze at almost the exact same time.

- Multimouse’s mask breaks in the model multiple times throughout the episode and it’s really distracting. Also, judging by the shot with Adrien giving Multimouse the ring, I think they shrunk the ring just slightly to fit around her waist, so her model size can sometimes be inconsistent.

- I want to know more about how Multitude works. Like, the dividing of it makes total sense, but can Marinette pick the size she wants? She divides into basically exactly enough Marinette to fit into the kwami mouths, and the fact that she’s the perfect size for it seems too convenient unless there’s a height limit based on how many multiples she has but she can go smaller if she wants. Does the division start at the height of her glowing white legs, so no Multimouse divided could be taller than that, and that’s why the division doesn’t seem to be based on her full height?? I NEED ANSWERS!!!

- I–I just… can we talk about “the mouth thing” in this show? I don’t want to say the cursed “v” word but with Gigantitan almost eating people and the actual POV shots for it, and now Multimouse riding in multiple kwami mouths (additional mention to that gross thing the Astruc head did in “The Puppeteer 2″), I’m just really weirded out, man! Like, can we not????

- I’m still mildly confused about how unifying and dividing works. I mean, unifying, not so much, since it seems like a very basic, “say the name of the new kwami and then the kwami you’re already transformed with, then unify”, but dividing is still weird. Like, after some thought, the best I can muster is that you say the name of the kwami you’re transformed with, then the kwami you’re taking away (as seen in, “Mullo, Trixx, divide!” and, “Mullo, Plagg, divide!”), unless you have to take away the kwami you’re transformed with, in which case you only say their name (”Mullo, divide!” and she becomes Ladybug instead of Multimouse). I feel like just saying the name of the kwami you want taken away should be enough and also be not as confusing, because I keep thinking that it’s an error (ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY SAY “TOPPO” AND NOT “MULLO” AND THEN DON’T EVEN GET THE KWAMI RIGHT WITH THE ICON USED FOR THEM).

- We didn’t see much of Mullo because the episode wastes so much time on characters talking. We see Mullo once when Ladybug divides them and then again when all the kwami are flying off with her, but that’s it. I presume they’re saving Mullo for the “official” mouse holder but still, just a line from Mullo would’ve been nice.

Ultimately, I think how one views the episode really depends on how much they’re taken by plot and lore. If one likes it for flavor, I think they’ll find the episode to be fun, but if details are important, I think it’ll be a little more frustrating.

For me personally, I can just edit out the identity mentions tune out the stuff that bothers me, because the main part of this episode that I focus on is the fun of Tikki-Plagg shenanigans and BLESSED QUEEN MININETTE.

It has a lot of flaws (I mean, I just went on for a good while about things that were probably nitpicks but still noticeable on first viewing), but… I dunno.

I like it. I think an episode like “Startain” is technically better put together plot-wise and has fewer things to complain about, but I like “Kwamibuster” more because it’s more fun overall.

#((This one took a while just because I don't have a lot of salt for it tbh.))#category: positivity #category: critique #category: salt #episode: Kwamibuster #other: ask and answer

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robininthelabyrinth · 6 years ago

Text

Fic: An Internal Affair - Chapter 23 (Ao3 link)

Fandom: The Flash Pairing: Leonard Snart/Barry Allen

Summary: Leonard Snart, the CCPD Captain of Internal Affairs, is known as Captain Cold for a very good reason: He hates corrupt cops with a merciless vengeance, and once you’re on his list, you’re in serious trouble.

His next target?

A CCPD lab tech named Barry Allen who’s developed a suspicious habit of disappearing at random intervals.

—————————————————————————————————

"I think this is the best date we've ever been on," Barry says.

Len, who's tugging at the blanket currently covering both their legs so as to get it into a more optimal cuddling position, pauses, blinking. That was - random.

"We're not doing anything special," he points out. "We're just going to watch some TV and eat some take-out, whenever it arrives."

"Exactly!"

Len looks at Barry, awaiting an explanation.

"It's normal," Barry explains, grinning. "Just two slobs, hanging out and planning to stuff their faces with Thai food while watching some dumb sci-fi - because someone vetoed mysteries -"

"I hate mysteries," Len says stubbornly.

"They're fun! Figuring out the puzzle out of the clues -"

"Real life doesn't have convenient clues."

"You're not wrong, but that's why we're watching TV."

Len rolls his eyes. "You agreed to watch sci-fi tonight, so stop whining. We can watch a mystery next time."

Barry beams. "See, that's why this is the best date ever. There's going to be a next time."

"I feel like there was going to be a next time as soon as we had that first date," Len says dryly. "You remember, with me talking myself into investigating you for corruption and you carefully omitting anything about being the Flash?"

Then he winces.

He still feels bad about what he did, back in Iron Heights - making the cold, rational decision to risk Barry's life and to strip his powers away if it meant defeating Wells and saving their city. Yes, both Mick and Barry have told him that he's being ridiculous - well, Barry's told him he's being ridiculous, Mick just asked where the hell he'd gotten an overdeveloped conscience from and told him to check whether they had a valid return policy - but he can't quite help it.

His decision robbed Barry of his powers. Len’s very aware that by that point, they’d already become a major part of Barry’s identity, and Len just made that decision for him.

He’s still grateful it wasn’t Barry’s life.

He’s painfully aware that he would have made the same decision even if that had been the cost – a speedster like Wells could have murdered an army and would’ve had time to slaughter civilians by the dozen before anyone even got close enough to stop him – but he’s desperately, pathetically grateful that he still has Barry here, by his side.

In his – well, couch.

"It's okay," Barry says, noticing the wince. "You know that I'd rather be sitting on a couch at regular speed with you than have both of us still be lying to each other at super-speed."

"Smooth," Len tells him fondly, "except for the way that metaphor got away from you towards the end there."

"Yeah, I wasn't sure how to bring it back from a plural to a singular. You know what I meant, though."

"You get points for effort." Len leans over and kisses him, just to make sure that message sticks.

Also because he can do that now.

He can just kiss Barry, any time he likes - well, anytime he likes as long as Barry isn't buried in one of his cases, anyway; Len's discovered, to his amusement, that Barry gets just as cranky as Len does when his train of thought is interrupted by nonsense like affection from a loved one.

It's apparently a tendency shared by all CSIs, no matter how usually cheerful - Barry's been having regular study groups with his CSI friends in his little on-site nook at the CCP, and even the perkiest among them growls like an angry terrier if Len’s decision to meander by to see if Barry is free for lunch disturbs a time-sensitive experiment.

But when Barry (or Len, for that matter) isn't busy, it's free season for stealing kisses.

Len’s a very good thief.

But it’s okay, because Barry steals just as many.

Because they're officially boyfriends now.

Len spends about half his time terrified that he's going to screw this up and the other half deliriously happy with how things are going.

They’ve had several long, in-depth conversations about telling each other the truth, several even longer discussions about various facts about their respective lives that might be useful for the other to know about, and finally, even longer than that, several make-out sessions to prove that they did, in fact, still want to go forward with this relationship.

Very important part of the truth-telling process, that.

(Really, the only downside of this is that Barry has now officially joined the group of people who can’t stand Charlie; Len has no idea what’s wrong with the way he’s explaining the guy that this keeps happening – Charlie’s harmless! Really! – but it does.)

But it’s not just their relationship that’s going well.

For what may be the first time in Len’s life, everything seems to be going well.

After all, he’s somehow managed to keep his current job, which he actually really likes, and, with Kara's much-faster-than-normal help, he's actually finished the gigantic mound of paperwork that resulted from him getting both the blame and the credit for the quelling of the Election Day Riots, as they're now being called by the local media.

The national media keeps trying to call them the Primary Day Riots. Shows what they know.

To be perfectly honest, though, Len is just relieved that he narrowly missed getting elected mayor by write-in, and that only because people didn’t have time to agree on what position they wanted him to be serving in, which – no.

Just…no.

They can’t make him take a political job.

...he thinks, anyway. Good thing he didn't win.

At any rate, Len is pretty sure that the roomful of paperwork was meant to be an informal punishment from a governor, who was also awarding him a medal of some sort in recognition of his role in helping save the city. Joke's on her; she wasn’t aware that he had superheroic help.

Though it would've been nice to have Barry's help as well...

"Cisco says they're probably coming back, you know," Barry says, observing Len's expression and correctly figuring out where his thoughts are going. "My powers, I mean. Mardon's did, remember?"

"Nah," Len says. "The fact that we're having 20 degree weather in July's totally escaped me."

"Hey, the team at Mercury Labs swears they've almost got his powers back under his control..."

"Poor guy," Len says, not without real sympathy. He likes Mardon; he liked him from the beginning, and the free grief therapy the guy is getting while sitting around Mercury Labs is only helping improve his personality. Clyde was always the more obnoxious of the two, anyway. "Weather control powers are one thing, a pretty awesome thing, but weather control powers that respond to your mood is just a curse. Not to mention the whole celibacy aspect..."

"Celibacy?" Barry asks, blinking; he’d clearly not thought about that. "Because he's being watched at all times by scientists and it’d be awkward?"

"Doubt that'd stop him," Len says dryly. According to Ramon, who watched over the prisoners in the Accelerator, it never did before. Not that Len has any sympathy – every time Ramon tries to complain, Len just reminds him that he's whining about that time he illegally imprisoned people and Ramon shuts right up. "No, I was thinking more about how the whole of Central City'd notice if his ‘cold wintery weather’ gloom gets abruptly interrupted by a sudden bout of nice weather, if you know what I mean..."

"Oooh, ouch. I hadn't thought of that. Poor guy. I hope Cisco and the others find him a fix soon."

"I'm sure they will," Len says. Rathaway and Ramon working together is exactly as terrifying as one would expect, and when you added Christine McGee to the picture...well. Len has no doubt that Mardon's powers will be under control soon.

Not least because Rathaway apparently has a vested personal interest in making sure that Mardon stops being involuntarily celibate as quickly as possible.

(Len really, really hopes Ramon’s offhand comment about there being a 10% possibility that everyone else involved in the Iron Heights battle would eventually develop powers over time turns out wrong. Ten to one are not odds he likes when it potentially comes to turning into an icicle or something irritatingly thematic like that.)

"Besides," Barry continues, "I don’t mind waiting for my powers to come back. It's not like I don't appreciate taking a few weeks off -"

"It's been nearly two months."

"- a few months off of the superhero stuff. It's like having summer vacation again. Especially since I can rest assured that Kara is keeping an eye on the city -"

"You mean Iris West is keeping an eye on the city," Len interrupts, rolling his eyes. "And Danvers is helping her enforce what she sees with her all-seeing eyes."

"And Mick," Barry adds mischievously. "Don't forget Mick."

Len rolls his eyes again, this time less at Barry than at his partner's antics.

Sure, it came as no surprise that Mick felt himself and his beloved heat gun were more suited for supporting Team (Now Licensed and Properly Supervised) Vigilante than the cops.

The surprise, such as it was, came from what he spent the rest of his time doing.

Out of all the possible outcomes Len might have foreseen with Mick waking up and accepting Len's job as police captain, Mick getting a job with the CCPN as Iris West's bodyguard-slash-photographer wasn't anywhere near the list.

Still, Mick seems happy - he likes having an opportunity to bust heads together, he likes Iris, and he apparently has a natural talent for photography, especially photography in high-stress situations. Like, say, investigating one of the few remaining Family outposts while getting shot at by the few remaining Family thugs.

(Mick is well aware that if he gets himself killed, Len will murder him. Iris has also been informed as much. Once that’d been established, though, Len gave them both his blessing to go as crazy as they liked, which both of them appreciated.)

By all accounts, Mick’s really enjoying his new work.

He's even taken up writing again!

Admittedly, he's still writing those weirdly addictive but somewhat embarrassing pulp romance novels, not journalism, but damnit, Len thought Mick was dead or dying: his joy at being forced to beta-read those novels again is inexpressible.

Especially since he's no longer Mick's only go-to proxy character. Len was getting tired of recognizing himself in both the snarky beloved sidekick and the villainous evildoer that shared a murky past with the hero, and he was even more tired of the not-so-subtle hints that said sidekick should consider getting laid because it would make him less tetchy.

Now – to convince Mick to start publishing…

Maybe under a pseudonym?

"He's doing really well," Barry says, sounding genuinely pleased on Mick's behalf, and not just for Len's sake, either. Len's really glad they like each other. "Iris says she's having to keep him from getting poached by other reporters. Well, the few that remain."

Len snorts at the reminder. When the Families put out the call on Election Day, it wasn't just cops that answered; a disturbing number of journalists were found to be involved. Some of them turned back once the amnesty was offered, but not all of them, and even the ones that did turn back are stuck on the non-political beat until they prove that their journalistic integrity can be trusted again.

In its own way, good journalism's ethical rules, however internal, are as strict as the one that govern the police...

Len scowls.

"Uh-oh," Barry laughs. "It’s the patented Leonard Snart vendetta face."

"I don't got a vendetta face," Len sniffs. "It's just..."

He trails off.

Yeah, he has no idea what he’s going to end that with.

It kind of is his vendetta face.

"Your 'no, actually, it wasn't just all about Mick-related trauma, I'm actually really just that personally offended by corruption' face?" Barry offers, his eyes crinkling with barely suppressed laughter.

"...possibly,” Len allows.

"You're already helping re-build the CCPD from the ground up, remember," Barry says, putting his head on Len's shoulder. He’s really good about signaling what he’s about to do in advance, which helps Len relax. Len’s never been great about physical contact, especially over-long contact, but he’s finding more and more that he’s able to get over that hurdle when it’s with Barry, who deeply enjoys occasional cuddling.

Len’s learned to cuddle. Will wonders never cease.

"Like, even putting aside your little purge –”

“It ain’t a purge. It’s an in-depth investigation and interrogation of every current member of the CCPD and the prosecutor’s office to find out if they have any vulnerabilities to blackmail or bribery and/or have experienced either of those recently. Totally different. We only purge ‘em if they’re still being blackmailed or bribed.”

“Yeah, yeah, but putting that aside, you’ve got the CCPD putting in place all those new mandatory ethics trainings, the lessons on improving community engagement, recruiting all those new people - some of them out of the slums, people who might not have had a chance before - even the courts are being cleaned up now that the equivalent of your position has been created to do that -"

"And yet we still have people thinking it's okay to turn a blind eye when it suits their personal prejudices," Len growls.

"This is about Wells," Barry concludes wisely.

"It's about Wells," Len agrees. He’s still pissed about that. He’s always going to be pissed about that. "Eobard Thawne or whatever. Don't get me wrong, we knew he was a serial killer -"

"Multiple murderer, Len, serial killer is a term of art and I know that you know that -"

"Whatever, he killed lots of people, sometimes in a serial aka sequential fashion -"

"I'll accept that.”

"- and I ain’t denying that it would've been hard to do it if we had to risk his powers coming back sometime, too, yeah, but damnit, the bastard still deserved a proper trial! Not to just get murdered in a cell somewhere!"

"Well," Barry says slowly. "And I know I'm biased here, being the son of one of his victims, but personally speaking I'm not all that upset that Wells got ‘accidentally’ locked into Iron Heights with a bunch of pissed-off Family members looking for revenge for the whole Election Day mess."

It was a nasty, ignominious death, stuck in a cell and forgotten about by everyone but the ones he thought he could play like pawns. A death without drama, without grandeur - without Barry, the subject of Wells’ long-running obsession.

Without the powers that made him something to be feared.

Without the Speed Force .

Len can see why Barry's main feeling on the subject is an overwhelming sense of catharsis. Not to mention that this way, Barry won’t have to go to court to testify against a man he once considered a mentor and even a father figure, and who betrayed him so thoroughly.

Still...

"I know," Len says, turning his head and kissing Barry's hair lightly. "And that's why you're going to go through the entire ethics course I've been designing with the criminal justice defenders' guild."

Barry pretends to groan, but Len knows he doesn't really mind. Barry's a good person at heart, but he's got some serious ethics relearning to do.

They all do.

Central City's getting cleaned up at last.

"It's for the best, really," Barry says with a sigh. "I went way closer to the Ralph Dibny Line of No Return than I'm really comfortable with."

Len smirks. Now that's one outcome he's not even slightly upset about.

It turned out Dibny did possess enough fellow-feeling to go assist the cops in keeping the riots down and restoring the peace, and he'd done a pretty decent job helping out. Decent enough, in fact, that Len had agreed for it to be counted in his favor during his sentencing.

"Sentencing?!" Dibny exclaimed when Len had told him as much. "What sentencing?! There was an amnesty!"

"Which applies to everything the Families manipulated or forced people into doing," Len agrees. "Funnily enough, though, according to what you told us earlier, no one was actually forcing you to blackmail the mayor..."

"That's not fair!"

"You'll have a chance to plead your case, same as everyone else," Len assured him. "If you can find a way to argue that the Family made you do it, it'd be covered by the amnesty."

"Oh. Okay. That's not so bad -"

"Of course," Len interrupted, putting on his best toothy smile, "that only applies to stuff within range of Election Day, and not, let's say, to earlier crimes. Like, say, revealing confidential intel about undercover officers..."

"Aw shit."

"You're probably not that bad a guy, Dibny," Len said thoughtfully, reveling a little in Dibny's disgusted expression. "I've seen your record. You started out - well, about as much of a misogynistic asshole as you are now, but at least you were straight. And then you weren't even that. Do the time you always should've done for what you did in the first place, framing that guy and selling me out. Take some ethics courses while you're inside, and maybe when you get out there'll be something worth keeping around."

Yes, most of that little speech had been at one Barry Allen's instigation, but Len wouldn't have said it if he didn't think there was the slightest glimmer of truth there.

"Thanks," Dibny grumbled, not particularly appeased. "Any chance we can do that without the prison time?"

"Lemme think about it - no, wait, already thought about it. Answer’s no. Go to jail, don't pass Go, don't collect two hundred dollars, and next time, don’t out undercover officers to mobsters. Officers, if you would..?"

At least there were enough cops going in at the same time that Dibny wouldn't run the risk of being shivved in his sleep by angry criminals.

Though if he didn't make an effort at improving that charming personality of his...

Yeah, that'd been fun.

Nearly as much fun as having Singh casually swinging by Len’s office to inform him, purely as a professional courtesy, that they'd finished processing one Lewis Snart. Moreover, in the process, they’d happened to find a whole bunch of open warrants, got a judge to put him on an accelerated trial schedule, and, before Len even remembered his dad was still in town, Lewis’d been sentenced and was going away for a very, very long time.

Len still can't really believe it.

(He's getting weekly text messages from the prison warden that re-confirm he's still there. Sometimes time-stamped photographic evidence is included. It hasn't stopped making him happy yet.)

"You know it's not actually called the Ralph Dibny Line of No Return, right?" Len asks, hiding his amusement.

"I'm going to call it what I like and you can't stop me," Barry declares, although the way he's now very comfortably snuggled in against Len's shoulder rather undercuts the forcefulness of it.

Len snorts. "Bearing a grudge, Barry? How un-heroic."

"I'd say something snarky in response, but I'm still awed by your hypocrisy there, Mr. 'All Cops Are Corrupt' Black Pot."

"Whatever you say, my little kettle," Len faux-coos, making Barry wrinkle his nose.

"I don't usually bear grudges -"

"Says the guy still guilt-tripping Joe West?"

"Hey, he's doing a lot better now," Barry protests. "He's talking with Francine through a mediator and going to family counseling with Iris and he's getting to know Wally - he's so proud -"

"I meant about your dad," Len says dryly. "That whole bit where West not believing you led to a good man rotting in jail for fifteen years while a mass-murderer ran around killing more people?"

"In fairness, it was a pretty unbelievable story," Barry says, managing to maintain a straight face for exactly three seconds before he cracks and grins broadly the way he does any time his dad - or his brand new acquittal - gets mentioned. "Yeah, okay, maybe a bit of teasing. For a bit longer."

Len looks at Barry skeptically.

"A bit longer...like maybe the rest of time," Barry allows, still grinning. "Okay, you're right, I'm never letting him live it down, but only because I was totally right, so there."

That's Len's Barry, in all his petty human glory.

Len still can't believe how much he loves him sometimes. It’s like getting punched in the gut every time he looks at him, a feeling that knocks the breath out of him, and yet he keeps looking over and over and over.

And best of all, Barry feels the same, so they’re both going to have many opportunities to keep looking as much as they like going forward.

"How is your dad doing?" Len asks. "That payment for his wrongful incarceration finish coming through yet?"

"Not all of it – some of it’s still tied up given how many of those payments are coming out all at once, since they don’t actually want to bankrupt the whole city – but he's got most of it by now. He's doing really great – he finally closed on that cabin in the woods not far outside Central he was looking at for so long, the one he swears used to belong to our family even though I don’t remember anything like that. He’s already in talks with lots of people to start putting his plan for the place into effect, too…he's turning the whole place into a halfway house for people who were in Iron Heights, did you know that? Anyone still suffering from the aftereffects."

"Yeah, I know," Len says, amused. Doc Allen - he's always going to be Doc Allen, no matter how long it's been since he was a practicing surgeon - came to Len to ask his thoughts on the subject before he started investing real time and money into the plan.

Luckily for the Doc, Mick was also there with Len when he asked, because otherwise Doc Allen might've mistaken Len's overwhelming horror at the thought of rustic rural living as disapproval of his idea, which would’ve been a mistake since Len actually thinks it’s a great idea. Mick, still a farm boy under all those criminal layers, was far more outwardly enthusiastic about the possibility of ex-cons - many of whom trusted Doc Allen after his many years of even-handed and generous provision of medical services - working out their issues and figuring out where they want to go next far away from the harsh public eye.

Len even passed on his personal recommendations for people to go there through the cardboard brigade, though he politely asked that Magpie not pass along his facial expressions at the thought of non-city life while she did so.

Based on what he's heard since, he's pretty sure she declined to grant that request, but apparently a Leonard Snart recommendation that went, "Well...if you want to leave the city...don't know why anyone in their right mind would, but if you wanted to...and you actually liked, y'know, trees and dirt and shit like that...in that case, Doc Allen’s probably the best option you’ve got." was significantly more believable than any more cleaned up version.

(Iris and Danvers and probably Mick all helped Doc Allen with his advertising posters, which is why that particular quote is now plastered verbatim on walls and lampposts all over the slums. Len has vowed to obtain vengeance at some upcoming date.)

"It's nice, you know?" Barry says, interrupting Len's drifting thoughts. "At first I was disappointed that he wasn't planning on staying closer, you know. I'd sort of imagined he'd be around all the time, be my dad again, except then someone convinced him to stick around for a week - I don't know who, other than it wasn't you -"

Len shrugs. Barry's not wrong; Len still barely understands why someone would be disappointed at having fewer father figures in their life.

Personally, Len suspects Iris. What else are best friends for?

"- and, you know, at first it was amazing but then I started to go back to work and it was weird. Like, I love him, don't get me wrong, he’s my dad! We had a few days of just catching up and it being great, but after that, well, I am just way too old to be parented 24/7 – the last time we lived in the same house, I was eleven, and oh boy can you tell – and on his side, he didn't have anything else to do during the day and...yeah. I don't know. Weird. Now we call or skype for a few minutes every night and I go visit him every other weekend and that's so much better."

"Everyone wants to see their dad at their own intervals," Len allows. Reluctantly.

Barry snorts. "Yeah, and yours can be measured in radioactive half-lives of several hundred thousand years."

Again - not wrong.

It’s kind of nice to have someone other than Mick or Danvers who can read Len that well.

It being someone he wants to kiss is really just a pleasant bonus.

"Still, it's nice," Barry says, returning to the subject. "Having all this family around is just the best. There’s Dad up at the cabin; Joe at work - don't make that face, he's gotten much better, especially now that he's dating that DA; Cisco and Caitlin working as scientific liaisons to the CCPD, technically as part of the CSI department – they hit it off fantastically well with Terri, Gila and Andre, you know, so that was awesome; Iris and Eddie moving in together and looking at houses and maybe setting a wedding date; Mick living with Danvers and making all that amazing food -"

That last one is a pretty recent development.

Mick started off living in Len's place, but there'd been a reason they usually stayed in warehouses when they’d been criminals and it wasn't because being innately compatible partners made them innately compatible roommates. They hated being parted, yes, but when living together they tended to fall back on habits developed while being cellmates in prison and that wasn't really great for anyone.

Len hadn’t wanted to trade in his comfortable apartment for a warehouse again. But on the other hand, Len hadn't wanted Mick to move out, either. He couldn't bear to lose Mick again, and it felt like he would if he let Mick out of his sight for too long.

Also not a great situation.

There was a lot of friction, to say the least.

And then Danvers found out that Mick could cook and liked to do so in very large quantities, and immediately (spontaneously) blurted out an offer to be her roommate.

Her current apartment was too small and too distant for that to work out, but with the addition of Mick's nest egg (both the legal one Len's been stockpiling for him and the slightly more illegal results of pawning his stash, which Len carefully opined on only in hypothetical terms) they were able to afford a nice two-bedroom apartment in the same building as Len - albeit on a much higher floor.

(Danvers needs the roof access, for obvious reasons.)

And now, Mick is only ever an elevator ride away.

Of course, now so is Danvers - the fact that she’d previously kept her distance is apparently the only reason he didn't figure out her powers before, because she's a great believer in the idea of "dropping in" by floating down to knock on his window anytime she had an idea or a question or Mick needs some extra eggs - but Len doesn’t really mind that.

He likes Danvers. Not just as an employee, but as a friend.

He’s still never calling her Kara, though. At this point, it’s not because he doesn’t want to get emotionally close to her – that ship’s already sailed – but rather because he’s just gotten so damn used to using ‘Danvers’ and because she thinks it’s hilariously detective noir of him.

He thinks it might be an in-joke. He’s never had in-jokes with anyone but Mick and Lisa before.

So yeah, he’s cool – pun intended – with Danvers living upstairs.

Now to make things absolutely perfect, all he needs to do is to get over himself enough to convince (or even, you know, ask) for Barry to move in...

Yeah. Len’s gotta agree with Barry: having family around is the best.

Actually, now that he thinks about it -

"Speaking of which," Len starts, "there's something -"

The doorbell rings.

"Ooh, hold that thought," Barry says, pulling away and leaving Len significantly colder. Cold puns and fondness for a nice chill aside, Len disapproves. "That must be our Thai food."

"Probably is. Someone should get it." Len gives Barry a pointed look when he doesn’t move. "Maybe someone like you, since I got up to get the blanket."

"But I'm barefoot," Barry whines. The way he’s already starting to unwind himself from the couch suggests that he’s already accepted his fate, though.

"So run," Len says mercilessly.

Barry sticks his tongue out at Len, laughs at Len's resulting expression, leans over to give him a kiss -

The doorbell rings again, somewhat more insistently this time.

Barry breaks the kiss, groaning. "I'm coming, I'm coming," he calls, climbing out of their little blanket nest on the couch while trying to expose as little of Len as possible. Sometimes (definitely not always) considerate, his Barry. "Hold your horses - yowch, this floor is freezing!"

"Run, Barry, run," Len teases.

Barry rolls his eyes at him and does.

In a flash of light and a crackle of lightning.

Well, that was unexpected.

Len's eyebrows shoot straight up, but it's not a bad surprise by any means.

"Something you forgot to tell me?" he calls out, putting on his best lazy drawl to hide his sheer glee. Barry’s powers are finally coming back!

"No," a very unexpected, very familiar, very welcome female voice drawls right back. "Something you forgot to tell me, I think."

"Lisa!" Len exclaims, beaming at her. His beloved baby sister - not so baby, of course, a fully grown woman, but his nonetheless. "I didn't think you were arriving till tomorrow."

"I got bumped onto an earlier flight," she says, coming over - holding a bag of delicious smelling Thai takeout that she must've lifted off the delivery guy - and giving him a brief kiss on the cheek.

Positively effusive, for Lisa; neither she nor Len were all that great at physical contact (Barry apparently excluded, on Len's part). She must've really missed him.

It’s been far, far too long since he’s seen her in person.

She looks as gorgeous as ever – formerly blonde hair gone brown, black leather jacket with gold trim matching black leather pants, make-up as ridiculously sharp as always…

His little baby man-killer.

Len can’t wait to inflict her on everyone he knows now.

"Sorry it took so long for me to finish things up back in Gotham," she adds insincerely.

Len snorts. "You were just waiting to hear that I got my stitches taken out for good this time."

"No lie," Lisa agrees comfortably. She’s utterly shameless when she wants to be, but she wouldn’t be his Lisa if she wasn’t. "Speaking of lies and omissions, though, something you failed to mention about the otherwise famous Barry Allen...?"

"I didn't know myself that his powers came back until just now," Len protests. "And there was no point raising your hopes by telling you about 'em if they never did come back..."

"I didn't know they were coming back either," Barry says dryly. "Or, you know, that your sister was coming to visit."

"I was planning on telling you. Just now, actually!"

"Hopeless, ain't he?" Lisa asks Barry with a smirk, which he returns with a smile. "So, all that about you being a superhero's true, huh? I thought Len'd gotten metaphorical in his old age -"

"Never. Take that back."

"Not in a million years, jerkface."

"Trainwreck."

"Cop."

"Ouch. Right where it hurts."

Barry laughs, his shoulders relaxing. Sibling bickering he knows how to deal with.

"Technically I'm a cop, too, you know," he says mildly. "I work as the on-site CSI for the CCPD, and, now that my powers are coming back, I can finally use that superhero license Len got me."

"He's classified as somewhere between a freelance employee and a tank," Len says proudly. That took some serious rule-smithing to get squeezed through, but the CCPD now has an officially licensed superhero division. Len pushed successfully to get it under Singh’s jurisdiction. Coincidentally, Singh’s precinct ended up being where Len decided the permanent offices of the internal affairs division would go, too. Purely coincidence, really… "Just with extra ethics courses."

Barry hadn't appreciated that very much, and neither had Danvers, but Len is adamant about it. If someone’s going to be acting as a standalone vigilante, even with city approval, then they are damn well going to know the laws of Central City inside and out, and know how to apply them in an ethical fashion to boot.

"Enough about tanks," Lisa says, waving a hand. "Allen, why don't you and I go to the kitchen to get some plates and cutlery for the take-out, and while we're there we can talk a bit more about shovels?"

"Uh. Sure? Len, should I be scared?"

"Terrified," Len cheerfully informs him.

"That's not promising," Barry says, but he follows Lisa towards the kitchen anyway. "It's not fair, you know. By the time we started dating - for real dating, I mean, after the whole blow-up - he was already friends with my best friend, a hero to my other friends, helped rescue my dad from prison and already threw my foster dad in jail once; there wasn't anyone left to give Len a proper shovel talk on my behalf-"

Len starts laughing even as Barry's voice trails off when he walks into the kitchen.

Yes.

Having your family all around you is the best.

#coldflash #barry allen #leonard snart #lisa snart #my fic #an internal affair

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bpdanakins · 5 years ago

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Name ten favourite characters from ten different things (books, tv, film, etc.) then tag ten people

I was tagged by the dear @gffa who clearly enjoys making these lists and seeing everyone else also struggling with just choosing ten. It’s hard but I shall do my best sdfk <3

1. Lara Croft - Tomb Raider Okay, let’s just get it out: I prefer reboot!Lara. idk I know some people think she sucks and the games suck for whatever reason, but I found the games and their mechanics super fun, and Lara’s story really compelling. She was a young girl who was determined to make her own way in the world, and instead went through something extremely traumatizing. She kept pushing through, kept getting back up no matter what the world threw at her. She went on this clear journey that was compelling and fun and messy. She wasn’t perfect. She pushed people away, she fucked the world up because she was determined to find the answers she felt would make all she went through make sense. Her survivor’s guilt was present really well in RotTR but most especially in SotTR. People were dying but she was so focused on finishing her personal mission. She was numb to it despite the fact it still horrified her. And her arc ended well. She finally was able to reach a place where she was able to let go of her losses and try to join society again. And I’m gay for her. So, you know.

2. Senua - Hellblade: Senua’s Sacrifice I cannot recommend this game enough. It’s tough to play bc it’s not just a horror game but you feel a lot of Senua’s anxiety, which is part of the point to the game. Senua’s a Celtic warrior who suffers from psychosis, and the game devs worked directly with both professionals and those who experience psychosis. There’s a whole mini doc to it which is great, even if you can’t stomach horror. You’re in Senua’s head with her throughout the game. You see what she sees, you hear all she hears, and she talks to you directly at times. But the beauty of the game is Senua’s true journey. She goes on a quest to try to rescue a loved one she lost to Vikings, but the real story is about a girl realizing she’s not a monster for seeing the world differently. That the abuse and ableism she faced weren’t her fault at all. There’s so many little things I can point to in this game that just made me so emotional, and it’s such a beautiful and necessary story to tell. Senua is great and deserves a hug.

3. Anakin Skywalker - Star Wars If you asked me at what point in my life Anakin became one of my favourite characters, to the point I frequently talked about him even on my main blog at random intervals, I couldn’t tell you. I haven’t the faintest idea; he just was. And if you asked me why he was a fave early on, I also couldn’t tell you lmao. It might partially be that I grew up on the prequels, and maybe at such a young age I didn’t really grasp at first that this was a story about a guy who was already revealed to be a villain, but I haven’t the faintest clue. He just is now, and I’m so passionate about his story. He’s complex and difficult and written so well. You want him to be happy, you feel heartbroken seeing a good character fall so deep, and you want to smack him upside the head a whole lot. You laugh at his silly dialogue (which he has as Vader too smh), you cry when you see him struggling, you become horrified by his actions. His story’s also a great inversion of the Chosen One trope - whereas usually we see Chosen Ones struggle, become imperfect and undoubtedly traumatized, they remain heroes the whole time. Anakin doesn’t. He becomes the bad guy, one of the worst in the series (Palps takes the award tho). But even then, when you think this guy has nothing to offer but an intimidating villain, he’s shown to have good. And then we see how much good he had all along, the good he forgot and was punished for and hated himself for. His heart that had good intentions but he chose the worst actions. He’s complicated and I love him. And more over, I love how many people who struggle or have mental illness can relate to him. I love that he wasn’t treated as a guy whose actions were glorified, but that were honest in both the good ones and the bad ones. Anyone can fall, and anyone can get back up, if they choose to. I just. Love him. He means a lot.

4. Commander Shepard - Mass Effect I know that Shep is technically the player’s character and can be any combination of person, but anyone who’s played Mass Effect would get why they were put here. The original trilogy for Mass Effect touched on so many things, and was a really emotional one. You had your great moments with friends, you had your struggles against both unknown horrors, and horrors close to home (so to speak). There are so many small moments that stick out to you, and idk how many people can say that playing this story didn’t impact their life in a meaningful way, bc I can’t see how it couldn’t. I’ve played the games many times, but even after all of this, there are moments that I not just still get emotional to, but take on new meaning as I go through my life. And Shepard’s the hero of the story. They’re not perfect, and they can downright be an ass if you play them that way, but their story is one of perseverance, of fighting on even when entire worlds are being lost and everyone is still looking to them. Everyone needs them to find a solution. But even then, it’s a story about friendship too. About tons of amazing characters that all have their own motivations, their own pasts and goals and hopes and failures. About how all these varied characters become a found family. And so Shepard’s the hero of the story, but their companions aren’t just there to be sidekicks, but end up with all their own accomplishments and arcs and you go on this journey with all of them. idk the whole series is great dsalkkljads

5. Lexa & Clarke - The 100 Let’s not talk about how terrible this show got and how messy it was because we all know. But it started with a really compelling story that was interesting, and to see two characters on screen who were flawed but understood each other, and to have them both be women - one who was a lesbian and one who was a bisexual?? It made me so excited and it’s a really flawed show but it meant a lot to me at the time to have a couple like that on a tv show, and so despite all its flaws, that relationship still means a lot to me.

6. The BAU team - Criminal Minds Yeah, I put the entire friggin team down, and that means all of them. There was only maybe two or so characters that were on it I didn’t like so every iteration is put down. Criminal Minds isn’t exactly a complex show; it’s a typical crime drama, and its unique feature is that it looks into the behaviour and minds of criminals instead of finding the science, like we saw with CSI. But the episodes were compelling and entertaining to watch, and, what do you know, there’s a found family at the center of it all and naturally I’m a sucker for it. Strangely enough this show is kind of a comfort one to me, bc it’s entertaining but not always overwhelmingly emotional. I can put it on at any time and just have it on in the background, or when I’m not feeling well, and I’ll enjoy myself. Also strangely enough, I’ve seen almost every episode enough times that there’s a game in my house to see how long it takes for me to recognize the episode and its plot once a rerun is put on lmao. There’s a lot of good shows like this out there - I enjoy SVU a lot too - but something just draws me to the characters on this one. We’ve been with them for, what, 14 seasons?? And we’ve seen them go thru some shit, we’ve seen them grow and change and they’re all really unique. It’s not a complex show but it is good enough to just binge. A part that plays in it is probably the time in my life I started getting into it too, but I’m alright with standing by it.

7. Korra - Avatar: The Legend of Korra I probably don’t need to wax poetic about atla or atlok much at all. I just love her journey, as a brash and overconfident girl who realizes that being the Avatar is hard, the people expect so much and there’s a lot put on your shoulders. That, when things go wrong, people will blame you. She went and became this giant blue monster thing, but her struggles were all human. Her PTSD was shown really well, despite it being a kid’s show. She’s fun and her journey is lovely and it’s definitely true that Korrasami did it way better, and both characters are bi women too (◡‿◡✿) We Do Not Talk About That Dumb Love Triangle Nonsense Though

8. Chloe & Max - Life is Strange What can I even say about this game? I don’t know. If you’ve played it, you’ll know why it’s here. It’s.... way deeper than you’d think it’d get at first. I love the story, and I love the journey Max and Chloe go on together. I love their friendship, how Chloe was always trying to uplift Max and encourage her to follow her dreams, and Max just doing the impossible for Chloe. I love their relationship, because it was built on support and love and struggle. I love their complexities, their flaws, their strengths, their times together. I just fskljdjlksfd love them, I love this game and all its various stories and character arcs. It’s all so beautiful and raw and unique and yay, another pair of ladies loving each other is on this list.

9. Solas - Dragon Age: Inquisition Okay. There’s a TON of characters I adore in Dragon Age, and to be honest, I don’t know he’d be my absolute top one. But I do like his story. I love Dragon Age companions, because, like in Mass Effect, they’re all their own characters with their own stories and journeys. Solas is flawed. Like, really flawed. Here’s another guy on my list who went and fucked up the world a bit. His worst actions (and the consequences of them) were built on good intentions, on his desire to help his people. We can get into the way this direction BW went with the elvhen religion was icky, but it’s a different conversation. I adore elvhen lore and I love exploring theories on it all the time. For Solas, I just like that he’s complex. I mean, he’s still silly and kinda weird, and he loves to hear himself speak on topics and loves Lavellan for encouraging him to never shut up, but most of all I kind of like their relationship? A friendship with Solas is still great, but I like that it’s an asexual one (don’t fight me on this, idc, it’s how I see it). It’s soft, built on mutual respect, one with no pressures or expectations. Solas asks for time and Lavellan gives it. There’s no fade to black s.ex scenes that so many times aren’t optional in BW games. I just really like my asexual wolf god egg ok

10. Mulder & Scully - The X Files Okay, it’s super hard to choose characters for this holy heck. BUT I really, really, really love their relationship. Mulder is an idealist who believes in the supernatural, and Scully his pragmatic scientific counterpart. And we could talk about how Scully’s character as a woman in science meant to a lot of people, and how Mulder’s tenacity to not give up on his beliefs is a nice one (when it’s not getting him into trouble). Their relationship is the slowest of slow burns in television history, I think. But it’s good that way. Scully starts out thinking Mulder’s just a delusional guy, one who’s intelligent but wastes his accomplishments, and he knows that. Then they go through shit, they’re a team and many times it’s them against a whole bunch of unbelievable stuff (and their own government). What I loved most was also their son, and I’m literally deleting all knowledge of the new seasons from my brain bc I think it was gross and took away from the story, but I liked that they were so close, loved each other so much despite there not really being a romance yet, that Scully trusted to go to Mulder to donate to her bc he was the only one she could think of for this. It’s another asexual relationship on screen, and it’s built on a love that happens over time. I just fljksdfkjl could go on about it too.

This was hard lmao. I wanna give an honorary shout out to Peggy Carter since she had wonderful lines like: “I know my value. Anyone else’s opinion doesn’t really matter.” Which is *chef’s kiss*. Peggy was the true unsung hero of the MCU and they gave her and Steve a weird ass ending.

idk who to tag bc I’m not sure who’d be into this, but if you’re willing, I’d love to hear from @sapphicfinalpam, @mariaromanovs, @vinterskald, @zombiefishgirl, @nb-aziraphales, @serkonans and anyone who feels like doing it. Feel free to obvs ignore this, or only make a list without rambles, idk. I am never too sure about who’s into this or not, but if I didn’t tag you and you wanna do it, you can just say I tagged you and I definitely wanna read what you have to say!

#liz.txt #long post #there are others who were left out bc this shit's hard!! jldskljf #thanks gffa (◡‿◡✿)

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nellie-elizabeth · 6 years ago

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Grey's Anatomy: The Winner Takes It All (15x11)

So this whole episode was pretty much all about Catherine's dumb cancer plot thread. You may recall that I'm not a fan.

Cons:

The thing is, I don't much like Catherine as a character, and the whole time we're talking about this giant, improbable fancy tumor on her spine, I'm just thinking about all of the other characters on this show who have have interesting illnesses and injuries. I know it's a soap opera, but I just can't with this one. And the resolution that we have for the time being is very odd. Catherine didn't die, but her cancer was also not cured. She's going to have to live with it for the rest of her life. That just means that Catherine can go off and not be around in the story much, but can pop in for some dramatic moments whenever the show needs to insert more angst. It feels lazy.

I liked the scenes with Thatcher and Meredith, but I wish it had been built up a bit more within the season. Thatcher has been such a nonentity on this show for so long that I had forgotten that Meredith would have trauma related to him. Also, it's always pretty funny when this show decides to depict Meredith being a mother, because most of the time her kids aren't around. It's a little clumsy.

Pros:

It's odd, because the two big premises in this episode were pretty flawed - Catherine having cancer is dumb, and Meredith's dad suddenly being in the story again for one episode felt forced. But the performances were really excellent in both stories, and there were lots of really powerful moments to examine within the flawed structures.

So, to start with, I really liked Meredith going to talk to her father and having this sort of in-between attitude about the whole thing. Her resentments are in the past, and she's not struggling every day because of them, but she's also not going to pretend everything is dandy. She tells Thatcher that she's happy for him that he was able to build a new life again after Lexie died, and I think Meredith really means that. But she's also hurt. She learns that Thatcher really did want to try and make something of their relationship, and he tried, in his own way, to be there for her. I liked the part with Meredith telling Thatcher about her three kids. That was incredibly sweet. It was also pretty great that Meredith told Thatcher that Ellis and Richard had had a daughter together, and Thatcher was just happy that something good came out of so much pain. I think Meredith is probably pretty glad that she decided to see her father one last time.

Jackson was just breaking my heart with his reaction to everything. I loved Maggie being there for him. She was using her own experience of losing her mother in order to identify with and help Jackson through his pain, but she didn't make it all about her, for once. Great performance from Jesse Williams as Jackson broke apart. I also thought his moments with his mom at the start of the episode were a lot of fun, particularly the dancing. That's the sort of cheesiness that will get to me every time.

Koracick. Talk about a surprising character arc. He's tied with DeLuca for the "Character I'm Surprised to Find I Now Care About" award. I absolutely loved watching him and Amelia kick ass together in the operating room. I like that they admitted to each other that they weren't feeling in the zone, but they helped each other. Everything about the surgery scene, particularly the soundtrack, added to the intensity of it, and really made the surgeons seem bad-ass. I loved the moment when Amelia asks Koracick to help with something, and he's frozen for a moment, scared and unsure, and then he just locks in, puts that cocky mask back on, and gets the job done. Excellent. We then see him talking to his dead son in church: "I saved my friend today, David. I didn't think I could, and it wasn't perfect..." his line delivery here was amazing. I got goosebumps.

Amelia also got a pretty powerful moment. She tells her anonymous group about how she saved a legend, and how happy and grateful she was that she got to be sober and experience the natural high of doing her job and doing it well. Just like Koracick, she echoes that it wasn't perfect, but it was real. I loved that. I'm glad that we continue to see how important it is for Richard and Amelia both to work on their sobriety and prioritize it.

There were a lot of characters that we didn't check in on this week, as the focus really was on these two stories. We did get little bits of Teddy, though, and they're clearly warming up a Teddy/Koracick situation. I was so annoyed with Teddy last week, but here I actually kind of liked her. She was supportive of Koracick from afar, and she took a chance and asked him out for a drink, which I thought was pretty cute.

That's all for now. Next week looks like a much lighter episode, and I'm excited to get back to that silly love triangle nonsense!

8/10

#review #greys anatomy #greys anatomy review #grey's anatomy #grey's anatomy review #grey's abc #greys abc

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socialmediatonki · 2 years ago

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Rihanna round of applause lyrics

#RIHANNA ROUND OF APPLAUSE LYRICS HOW TO#

And she asks him to recite a 'speech' or what he says is his apology. His 'show' was him trying to reassure her that he was faithful, but actually wasn't. In the bridge, Rihanna plays the role as a prize-giver, and awards 'Best Liar' to the man, sarcastically for being deceitful, and two-faced. The second verse sees Rihanna telling the man to pack his bags and get out, but he is still at his worst, begging for forgiveness, but she isn't putting up with his nonsense and pathetic sob-stories, and ends the verse by sarcastically saying 'What else is on?' to explain how she will find a new lover. But she isn't playing games with this man anymore, so asks him to leave. She enjoyed seeing this man beg to be forgiven for cheating on her, just to be entertained. She furthermore uses metaphors to explain how she ends the relationship, by comparing the breakup to curtains closing at a theatre. In the chorus, Rihanna describes how she became susceptible to this man's deceit, so uses a sarcastically metaphoric writing style to show this. She thinks he is remorseless because he wouldn't have said sorry if she hadn't known what he had done. The pre-chorus sees Rihanna telling the man that he is remorseless, because really, he doesn't care, even though he is apologetic because she caught him in the act, cheating on her. The first verse explains the man's stupidity and dumbness as he desperately tries to take back what he did, which Rihanna in turn cannot forgive him for as she feels betrayed enough to send him out for good.

#RIHANNA ROUND OF APPLAUSE LYRICS HOW TO#

The easy, fast & fun way to learn how to sing: 30DaySinger.The very beginning of the song sees Rihanna sarcastically say well done for betraying her, which she explains in depth in the first verse. Rihanna performed "Take a Bow" on "AOL Music Sessions" and was included on the set lists of the Good Girl Gone Bad Tour (2008–09), Last Girl on Earth (2010–11), Loud Tour (2011) and Diamonds World Tour (2013). Its accompanying music video was directed by Anthony Mandler and presents Rihanna as the female protagonist who leaves her boyfriend because of his infidelity. The song reached number one in Canada, Denmark, Ireland, Slovakia, and the United Kingdom, and attained top five positions in Australia, New Zealand, and Norway. "Take a Bow" also peaked at number one on the US Hot R&B/Hip-Hop Songs chart and US Pop Songs chart, and has been certified quadruple platinum by the Recording Industry Association of America. In the US, the song peaked at number one on the Billboard Hot 100 chart and became Rihanna's third song to do so. Ohh, how about a round of applause, Yeah, standin ovation, Ooh ohh yeah, yeah yeah yeah yeah. Take Em Off da Map Lyrics Indestructible Lyrics The Buzz Lyrics Weight Scale Lyrics Take A Bow- Glee Cast(Rihanna) Lyrics Take A Bow() Lyrics Take A Bow. Critical reception of "Take a Bow" was mixed, with some critics praising the song's lyrics and powerful balladry, while others criticized StarGate's production as unoriginal. Rihanna Take A Bow (Instrumental) Lyrics. It is an R&B song that contains elements of dance-pop. "Take a Bow" was released as the first single from the re-release and the fifth single overall from the two releases. The song was written and produced by Tor Erik Hermansen, Mikkel Eriksen, and Shaffer Smith under their stage names StarGate and Ne-Yo. how about a round of applause a standing ovation you look so dumb right now standing outside my house trying to apologize youre so ugly when you cry please. "Take a Bow" is a song recorded by Barbadian singer Rihanna for Good Girl Gone Bad: Reloaded (2008), the re-release of her third studio album Good Girl Gone Bad (2007).

#Rihanna round of applause lyrics

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timeisacephalopod · 7 years ago

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Charmed

Celebrity AU featuring Bucky/ Tony with a dash of Sam/ Steve. What is this exactly? I’m not sure, but I think it came out ok :)

Bucky sits with his head in his hands and Sam is about five hundred percent tempted to throw a ketchup covered fry at him but Steve was watching so he had to be on good behavior. “I don’t know why I agreed to this...” he mumbles more to himself than Sam or Steve.

Steve gives him a gentle pat on the back because unlike Sam he’s sympathetic to Bucky’s idiocy. “I’m sure your date will be fine,” Steve tells him gently.

“He’s so hot,” Bucky whispers, staring at the ground with wide eyes.

Sam squints, “I fail to see why that’s a bad thing,” he says.

“Because, bird brain, I’m a hot mess,” Bucky says. Sam shrugs, unwilling to argue with the truth even if Steve gives him a look. It wasn’t his fault Bucky was a disaster. Steve, because he’s a better person than Sam, continues to comfort Bucky’s dumb ass and Sam decides to scroll social media because Twitter had to be more interesting than Bucky. Watching paint dry was more interesting than Bucky.

When his date finally shows up Sam just about shits while Steve gives him a disapproving look. Sam quickly drags him off while Bucky starts the most awkward conversation Sam has ever had the misfortune of witnessing because Steve needed to know. “Do you know who that is?” Sam hisses at him.

Steve looks over his shoulder to give Bucky’s date another disapproving look, “someone who’s not good enough for Bucky,” he says and Sam rolls his eyes. If he were insecure he’d worry about Steve and Bucky’s friendship but thankfully Sam had the good sense to know that he was better than Bucky in every single way so clearly Steve wouldn’t downgrade to Bucky.

“No Steve, that’s Tony Stark. You know, recently won an Oscar in that weird Peter Quill movie?” Sam wasn’t much of a Quill fan- his stuff was always weird and convoluted- like Stanley Kubrick on crack and that was saying something. But he happened to like the cast of the movie so he gave it a shot and had been pleasantly surprised.

“Who?” Steve asks, squinting.

Sam rolls his eyes at Steve’s apparent lack of culture. “Howard Stark’s son,” he says and Steve clues in for a half a second before he decides this was a reason to end Bucky’s date before it began. Sam stops him before he can go though because Bucky was a grown ass man and he could make his own decisions.

When Steve stops struggling he frowns, “wait, how do you know that?” he asks.

He shrugs, “I might be a fan,” he says casually. The guy was good and Sam thought his asshole personality was endearing. Steve, however, clearly did not.

Bucky laughs as Tony criticizes the movie they’re watching, poking fun at the director that he seemed to have a lot of knowledge about. “Jeeze, do you have a personal vendetta against the guy?” he asks and Tony makes an offended noise.

“Everyone should have a personal vendetta against Justin Hammer. Did you see what he almost did to Wonder Woman? I would have personally fought him if his shitty script had’ve gotten past whatever moron producer even considered that crazy sack of hair,” he says, shaking his head.

He smiles, “you’re a Wonder Woman fan?” he asks because that was adorable, really.

Tony grins, “anyone with taste is a Wonder Woman fan,” he says. “She’s like every good thing about Clark Kent and Bruce Wayne wrapped up in a way better package,” he says, nose in the air.

“Batman is my favorite character,” Bucky confesses and Tony makes another scandalized noise.

“Heathen,” he accuses.

Bucky is texting Tony, who was on a rant about the score of some movie that was surprisingly hilarious, when Sam comes swaggering up looking like he was about to shit in Bucky’s cereal. “Whatever stupid thing you have planned it isn’t going to ruin my day,” he tells Sam. Their relationship, if one could even call it that, was a strange one for sure but he was certain they both secretly enjoyed their frienemy status. At least so long as Steve wasn’t around to scold Bucky for giving Sam tide pods instead of actual food for dinner. Or removing all his shoelaces from his shoes and throwing them out. Or replacing his black cat with a slightly smaller and meaner black cat.

Point was whatever retaliation Sam had planned for his pranks they weren’t going to get to him today because Tony was great and their date went shockingly well. Usually Bucky messed things up in ten seconds flat, but Tony confessed he usually did the same thing and the result was both of them acting like a bunch of awkward freaks for an hour before they gave up being embarrassed at themselves and went to do something more productive. Like watch movies and make out.

Sam just looks more enthused though and he hands Bucky a picture, “look familiar?” he asks, walking away while he cackles.

“I’m surprised you didn’t get a broom to ride out on, Wilson,” Bucky calls after him, earning a dirty look before Bucky turns his attention to the picture Sam handed him. Bucky squints at it for a moment because that guy looked a lot like Tony, but he was holding an Oscar.

It takes him an embarrassing twenty minutes to put it all together.

All Tony wanted was one normal thing and being a celebrity that was hard. He’s been in the game since he was a kid and the last time he ran into someone that didn’t recognize him on sight when he was looking to be noticed was when he was six. Then there had been Bucky, who ran into him with his charm dialed to eleven and he didn’t even notice and better yet he didn’t seem to have any idea who Tony was.

Maybe it had been too much to ask that he could just skate by without Bucky ever figuring out he was a two time Oscar winner but a guy had hopes and dreams, okay? Plus he thought his rants about Justin Hammer were hilarious and that was the fastest way to his heart, really. But Bucky does figure it out and he looks dumbfounded.

“I can’t believe I’m eating ice cream with someone who’s hung out with Leonardo DiCaprio,” he hisses at Tony.

He sighs, “he’s not that great,” he says. If he had to hang out with a great actor there were at least five people on his list before DiCaprio.

“You have Oscars,” Bucky says.

“And not even for my best performances,” Tony agrees. How the hell Quill’s movie even got to the Oscars he had no idea but Peter was shitting several bricks. Especially when his movie won a stupid amount of them even though it was plotless nonsense. All of his stuff was weird and pointless but people kept giving him money and Tony was good enough friends with him that he took a role to be supportive. He didn’t expect a second Oscar out of it.

“That’s true, that time you played a vampire in that one teen drama-” Bucky starts but Tony cuts him off.

“We don’t talk about that time in my life, I was addicted to cocaine,” he says, only half joking about that.

Bucky seems to take it as a joke anyways and laughs. “I don’t get it though, how are people not recognizing you?” he asks.

Tony sighs, “its not... turned on, I guess is the best way to put it. My charm,” he clarifies. Bucky frowns, obviously not understanding and Tony sighs, “want to see it?” he asks. People were always so surprised when they watched it happen and Tony didn’t have words to explain the transformation.

“Sure,” Bucky says after a moment’s pause.

Tony nods and hands over his glasses, “hold those,” he says and he takes off the hat he was wearing, facing backwards because people didn’t really expect his personal aesthetic to be a cross between fuck boy and hipster styles. It was a deliberate choice on his behalf. He runs his fingers though his hair though, fluffing it a little and he takes a deep breath, channeling that charm he always had on at award shows. It never failed to get the attention of everyone around him and when he opens his eyes he knows Bucky has seen the difference too. Apparently he did notice, just not until he saw it happen.

It takes all of five seconds for someone to walk up, recognizing him on sight and he plays his part well, smiling for anyone who was watching and handing out an autograph. It happens a few more times before he decides he’s had enough of that and he drags Bucky off. “I don’t want to draw a crowd. And trust me, it happens fast,” he says, putting the hat back on his head and taking his glasses back so he could see again.

“That was... weird,” Bucky says. “You were like that when we met, I uh... just didn’t notice until now I guess,” he mumbles.

Tony nods, “you’re the first person I’ve run into who hasn’t recognized me with my charm on since I was a kid. When its off most people don’t notice, but when its on? People swarm,” he says.

“Sounds exhausting,” Bucky says.

He nods, “its is, which is why I liked you. But uh... this is my life and escape is nice but I’ll have to go back eventually,” he says, leaving his unasked question hanging in the air.

“I didn’t know I went on a date with a celebrity, I’m sure I can handle whatever else gets thrown my way,” Bucky says. “And the bonus is that this all happened just in time for Yom Kippur- my family jokes that I always have some ridiculous or outlandish thing that overshadows the holiday and this year its that I’m too dumb to notice I’m dating a famous person. If you want you can come just to witness the chaos- my family is very dramatic and this is bound to be one of the more popular Bucky Ruined Yom Kippur Again stories,” he says.

Tony raises and eyebrow, “what’s the current top contender?” he asks.

Bucky sighs, “that’s probably a tie between the time my grandma told me my depression would go away if I ate better and hung out in the sun so I sort of freaked out and did a lot of yelling about how I still had depression even though I was outside eating a banana and the time my family discovered I’m genuinely terrified of mustard. Yes, I mean the condiment and no, its not funny to chase me around with a mustard hotdog like my asshole sister,” he says.

For a moment Tony looks dumbfounded and then he bursts out laughing, “leave it to me to find someone more dramatic and ridiculous than the movies I star in. But I like you, weird mustard fear and all. And since you know about my celebrity status, want to go to Malibu with me?” he asks.

“If there’s no mustard I’m in,” Bucky says, grinning.

#alternate universe #sam x steve #tony x bucky #my wrting #fanfiction #tony stark #bucky barnes #steve rogers #sam wilson #winteriron

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popliar · 7 years ago

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I know nothing about KPOP except: it exists, pretty hair, most ppl name begin with J. But intrigued! Is there a primer or a entry level fic or anything?

ANON I love this question but oh my god where do I even begin? LOL!! Ok ok ok. For me the idea is that kpop is more than the music - it’s also the videos, the dancing, the personalities, social media, and variety/reality TV. So here’s a very quick, small list of links to give you an idea about all this nonsense:

Music videos (MVs)

If you follow me at all then you prob already know BTS has been my complete downfall for the past 2 years haha. So here’s Blood Sweat & Tears, aka what if kpop married an art gallery and had a kinky baby. (Am I selling this right?) It’s really beautiful, really sexy, and made me go “what did I watch” about fifty times.

My other fave boyband is Monsta X! For contrast here’s Hero, a really simple, straightforward, dance-focused MV. Also includes abs. They know what they’re selling ok.

From the girl groups, here’s Red Velvet’s Bad Boy, the best r’n’b song this year, CAN U BELIEVE. I love them so much.

And Mamamoo’s Starry Night which is hands-down one of the best looking MVs of the year and super, super catchy.

Stages and variety

Fire dance practice by BTS. There was a phase of my life where I watched this basically daily, ha. The dance practices are really how I got into BTS, not their MVs - I think it’s pretty normal with kpop to try a bunch of things, and then suddenly something clicks. That’s how it was for me and BTS dance practices.

EXID’s DDD dance practice bc ladies in suits!

Awards show performance by Vixx - The Wind of Starlight/Shangri-La stage was just so amazingly beautiful.

Yezi killing the competition on all-female rap reality show Unpretty Rapstar.

GOT7 kissing each other a lot for a radio show ‘punishment’

BTS Run - the infamous cops & criminals role play episode. (Run is SO ADDICTIVE, it’s like 20-25 minutes of skits or activities or games, it’s so good.) (This is 22 min and it’s the longest thing I’ve linked in this post, everything else is really short.)

And a few of my favourite videos of BTS doing dumb things on camera (most of these are old, bc uhhh it’s really late here and I’m looking at old playlists lol) but yes they have a HUGE back catalogue of very short, very funny/candid videos:

J-Hope vs 95z

Medley show time!

21st Century Girl Halloween version

Primers and fic and things

I did a kpop starter pack post about a year ago which has short! playlists of all the things I mentioned in this post - MVs, dance practices, variety, etc.

THE BTS primer by @blindmouse, which was my entry way to the fandom, is amazing. ETA: Now with a new, improved version on AO3!

And she has fic recs too! As does proteinscollide!

And just off the top of my head, here’s some really readable fun fics that don’t need much canon info (thx also @flywithturtles!):

A Radioactive Night-Light in the Dark by Trotter (cute Jungkook/Jin, 2k)

Oh by greenet (Taehyung/Hoseok sweetness, 3k)

Meet Cute by proteinscollide (Jimin/Hoseok, there is a cat, adorable! 5k)

Same Damn Hunger by marienadine (Hoseok/Yoongi friends with benefits pining, 40k)

Don’t Play No Game I Can’t Win by misspamela (Yoongi/Jungkook fake dating, 52k)

A Gilded World by smiles (Yoongi/Seokjin arranged marriage, 169k)

Jfc this post is so long now. If you wanna know more just message me or send another ask I HAVE SO MANY MORE LINKS I COULD THROW AT YOUUUUUU

#kpop #sorry anon were u expecting something this long lol #Anonymous #actually using tumblr as a blog how strange

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jordoalejandro · 3 years ago

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The Fifth Annual List of TV Shows I Saw the Past Year

This is another weird year for the list.

For one, a handful of shows are still on some kind of COVID related delay or hiatus.

Two, I dropped quite a few shows. Some I just bailed on because I had no patience to watch another season of them. Some shows I never got around to because I had an Apple TV+ free subscription that came with my iPhone and that ran out and I didn’t pay to renew it. (Here’s my quick review of Apple TV+: the quality of the shows is good but the quantity leaves a lot to be desired. You could probably pay for a month and binge through everything you have any interest in.)

Three, a lot of shows that I’m reviewing here have seasons that aren’t finished. They’re still going. Most are at least close to finishing. Some that have just started I’m going to wait on and review on next year’s list. But a handful of shows on this list are chugging along. I’m trying to factor that into my reviews but it's obviously a bit unfair to the shows. On the other hand, who cares?

So it’ll be a list with fewer entries, comprised of full seasons of shows and shows I watched most of. The list must happen, though. However it has to happen, it must happen.

Here’s the list of shows I’ve watched since the last Emmy Awards.

41. The Equalizer (Season 1 - 2021, CBS) (Last year’s ranking: N/A) - The Equalizer is a fascinating show. You know how with some shows people will say the show is fully realized from the pilot? It’s usually presented as a good thing -- a show that knew what it was from the start and executed that vision. The Equalizer is that but in a bad way. It’s a show that from the pilot has felt like it was already in its tired ninth season, trudging along, writers and actors and everyone just going through the motions because they’re trapped in their contracts. There’s nothing fresh about this. No life to it. Uninteresting plots. Weak dialogue. Characters -- both heroes and villains -- that you’ve seen a thousand times (the nerdy IT expert, the troublesome teenage child of the main character, the generic good looking older white guy boss figure, blah blah blah). A show that’s already in late-stage syndication mode.

40. The Flash (Season 7 - 2021, CW) (Last year’s ranking: 49) - Speaking of late-stage syndication mode, The Flash has been in a creative tailspin for several years now. A big part of the problem is they just have no ideas left in the tank for villains on this show. This leads to them either reusing old ones (which doesn’t have a ton of dramatic impact -- we’ve seen The Flash beat all these people before), or digging through comic canon for the ones they have left (they’ve been unused this long for a reason). The other problem is it turns out running fast as a solution to every issue gets old very quickly. The producers must have felt this, and having gotten tired of telling Barry he has to run faster than he’s ever run before, they’ve switched it up and are now telling him to love people harder than he’s ever loved them before. Beyond the structural problems, the show is just not working on a very basic level. The writing has gotten super corny. The acting seems off. They’ve introduced new characters that are not working. The Flash had my worst rated episode this year and the weird thing was, it wasn’t even a mess of an episode. Like, functionally, it worked. It went from point A to point B and all that fine. But the problem was the titular Flash took off in the first few minutes of the episode to have sex with his wife on an island (not a joke) and didn’t return until the last few minutes of the episode. In between, viewers received a very boring, very boilerplate episode of The Flash, starring one of the new side characters it’s incredibly hard to care about. And she interacted with some even more to-the-side side characters and had some relationship issues with them and on and on until they inevitably saved the day in the end and it was so dull and so pointless that it made me say out loud, “What is this? Why am I watching this? Who could possibly care about anything that is happening on screen right now?” I felt that a lot during this season of The Flash. That was the only time I felt compelled to articulate it, but I felt it a lot. And that’s not a great place to be with a show.

39. Riverdale (Season 5 - 2021, CW) (Last year’s ranking: 50) - Here’s a little insight as to how stupid Riverdale can be. Between episodes three and four of this season (episode three was what would’ve been the season finale of season 4, which was cut short by COVID so at least it's not wholly random, in fairness), Riverdale did a seven year time jump. This seven year time jump landed them in the year… 2021. They shifted everything that happened in the first four seasons of their show, including dozens upon dozens of current day pop culture references, about a decade into the past. And why did they do this? So they could change a few things and then basically keep telling the same exact stories they were telling the first four years of this show. Just stupid nonsense. Stupid nonsense all around. Which, to be fair, I actually used to look forward to from this show. I’ve argued here that it’s at its best when it’s being as stupid as possible, but this year the nonsense just doesn’t seem inspired. They’re recycling some plots. The actors seem checked out. Maybe all the years of nonsense have finally taken their toll on them.

38. Batwoman (Season 2 - 2021, CW) (Last year’s ranking: 43) - Batwoman lost its main actress in between seasons, which obviously put it at a difficult crossroads. In my opinion, the wise thing to do would have probably been to recast as best as possible and carry on. Instead, the show chose to go a different direction and cast a new person to play an entirely new character. There was maybe a way this could work, but you likely have to retool the entire show to get there. Instead, they changed nothing but the main character and inserted her into the middle of the old character’s world, forcing her to have the same supporting characters and deal with some of the same storylines the old character was dealing with. This led to a lot of story beats where new Batwoman had to interact with old Batwoman’s family. What was in season one drama between Batwoman and her sister, or her father, became drama between the new Batwoman and this crazy lady she just met, or this guy she barely knows. As you might be able to guess, this added an air of “who cares?” to the proceedings. Also, the whole season essentially became an origin story for new Batwoman, which was a problem because that’s basically what season one of the show was. It wasn't super engrossing. That said, let me put aside the issues raised there. Having to recast your main actress is obviously a tough situation. They didn’t handle it well, but it was tough. Here’s why this show is still all the way down here on the list: bad execution. Week in, week out: bad plots, bad dialogue, dumb subplots, forgettable villains. A lot of the same issues that are plaguing The Flash. The show is simply not executing. It’s like these superhero CW shows don’t know how to do writers’ rooms over Zoom.

37. Everything’s Gonna Be Okay (Season 2 - 2021, Freeform) (Last year’s ranking: 47) - I said last year I didn’t know if I liked this show or not. I think the fact that I’ve put it near the bottom of my list for two years in a row has answered that for me. It’s a kind of fascinating show in how, I guess… aimless it is. Floating from one scene to the next, one plot to the next, one episode to the next, no real driving force. A comedy that’s not really funny. A drama that isn’t very strong. A few good moments in a season of ten half-hour episodes. Would I have watched a third season? Yeah, probably. Not in a hate-watch way, but also not in a like-watch way. I’m glad it got canceled because it means I’m free of it. Would I recommend to other people any of the shows I’ve seen from Josh Thomas? No. Definitely not. Will I watch whatever Josh Thomas writes next? Yeah, probably. Though I can’t say why.

36. Soulmates (Season 1 - 2020, AMC) (Last year’s ranking: N/A) - This was a short Black Mirror-esque anthology series that ran out of interesting stories to tell surprisingly quick. Like, third episode quick. This show’s problem is that, while Black Mirror has freedom to tell lots of different stories, Soulmates is restrained by its premise: a short time into the future a company creates a test that can match you to your soulmate with 100% accuracy. It’s not a bad premise, but you can sort of imagine how it would constrain the storytelling possibilities. The test matches you with someone surprising, the test matches you with the wrong person, etc. etc. The whole thing was only six episodes and it felt repetitive even within that small amount.

35. Debris (Season 1 - 2021, NBC) (Last year’s ranking: N/A) - Debris was created by J. H. Wyman, who did a lot of work on Fringe, one of my favorite sci-fi shows ever. Unfortunately, Debris was just a pale imitation of Fringe. The characters weren’t strong enough. The ideas weren’t intriguing enough. The episodes were often flat. They just didn’t have enough action or drama or horror or twists or whatever you might be hoping for from a show like this. They’d have a lot of walking around and looking at stuff and people talking about the stuff that was happening and then they’d kind of just peter out. A real disappointment.

34. The Walking Dead: World Beyond (Season 1 - 2020, AMC) (Last year’s ranking: N/A) - You know how teenagers can often be the worst characters on a TV show? How they can exist just to act bratty and make really stupid decisions? Well, imagine a whole show of that. I’m half-joking. It’s not that bad. There’s some fun stuff and it works as a companion piece in this series of shows, but for the most part, it’s a lot of watching teenagers make really stupid decisions and almost getting themselves killed.

33. Stargirl (Season 2 - 2021, CW) (Last year’s ranking: 36) - Speaking of teenagers making really stupid decisions and almost getting themselves killed... Stargirl is a bit of a strange show. It’s kind of lighthearted, but also weirdly dark (more children die in this show than died in all the other shows I watched this year combined). It has some interesting characters and some absolutely ridiculous ones. Some fun episodes, but what also feels like quite a bit of filler. It’s not bad, it’s just also not great.

32. Zoey's Extraordinary Playlist (Season 2 - 2021, NBC) (Last year’s ranking: 20) - The first season of this show was about a handful of things, but the big emotional throughline was about Zoey dealing with the impending death of her father, who had been diagnosed with an incurable neurological disease. While the other plotlines in the show could be hit or miss, there was always emotional meat on that bone, so to speak. Well, minor spoiler alert I guess, but her father died at the end of the first season from the aforementioned incurable disease. I didn’t realize it at the time, but the second season of the show really laid bare how important that throughline was to the whole thing. Without it, the show felt rudderless. There were a lot of pieces of plots but nothing really anchoring them the way her father’s storyline did. Plus, there was a lot more love-triangle stuff, which wasn’t the most original, compelling plot the first season and grew even more tiresome in the second. The show sort of became like late-stage Glee for me, where I stopped caring about the plots and just listened for the songs. That more or less worked with Glee because almost all the people on that show were excellent singers. It works much less on this show because maybe (generously) half the performers are good singers.

31. MacGyver (Season 5 - 2020-2021, CBS) (Last year’s ranking: 26) - It was a pretty weak final season for MacGyver. They abandoned some interesting storylines from last season in a disappointing way. In fairness, it’s because last season got shortened by COVID and I guess for whatever reason they couldn’t find a way to pick back up where they left off. But still, they had a tough time regaining the momentum after they lost it. The cancellation was without warning from CBS, too, so there’s no real conclusion to anything. Just an average season finale that suddenly became a series finale. Tough way to go out.

30. Bob's Burgers (Season 11 - 2020-2021, FOX) (Last year’s ranking: 38) - I was looking back at my episode ratings for this show from the last two years and realized they were pretty similar. Both last year and this year, there was only one episode per season that I thought was pretty good. There was also one episode each year I thought was awful. And then, basically, there were 21 episodes each season that were fine. Just fine. A few laughs. Nothing really engrossing. Worked well enough to keep me entertained and not much more.

29. The Walking Dead (Season 10B - 2021, AMC) (Last year’s ranking: 29) - The eleventh season of the show is currently on-going. That’ll be on next year’s list. This is just for a grouping of six episodes that aired earlier this year. They were extremely forgettable with the exception of two episodes. I enjoyed “One More” quite a bit and I really liked the Negan origin story episode: “Here’s Negan”. Probably one of the best episodes they’d done in years.

28. The Blacklist (Season 8 - 2020-2021, NBC) (Last year’s ranking: 39) - A slight improvement for this show from last year. A handful of average episodes, a few very good ones. A really fascinating choice made at the end of the season that makes me interested in seeing what next season will be like.

27. The Moodys (Season 2 - 2021, FOX) (Last year’s ranking: 46) - I described this show last season as “likeable if not particularly funny” and said if it was to come back, the writing would have to get sharper. That remains pretty accurate. The writing was slightly better, though not enough to make this a truly good show.

26. Falcon and the Winter Soldier (Season 1 - 2021, Disney+) (Last year’s ranking: N/A) - This show was way too overstuffed to really work well, which seems a poor choice made in the writing process. It has like a dozen different ideas it wants to touch on and doesn’t really execute any single one of them in a satisfying manner. The real shame of it is there was a good show in here if they just chose to keep things simple. The best episode by far featured Falcon and the Winter Soldier going on a mission with Baron Zemo. That was it. They went to a shady bar of villains and did some spy stuff. Blew some stuff up. Fought some bad guys. That’s the show! Sticking with a core of that and cutting the 20-something unnecessary side characters would’ve gone a long way.

25. Archer (Season 11 - 2020, FXX) (Last year’s ranking: N/A) - The show returned to its spy satire roots and started clicking again. It’s not at the level of its earlier peak seasons, but it’s still reliable for some good laughs.

24. The Great North (Season 1 - 2021, FOX) (Last year’s ranking: N/A) - Solid animated comedy from two of the writers of Bob’s Burgers. It obviously borrows a lot from the style and tone of that show. I do find The Great North a little fresher. The writing is a little sharper, the stories are a little more interesting (but it also isn’t in its 11th season like Bob’s Burgers so it’s not a wholly fair comparison). It slots in nicely with the other FOX Sunday animation shows.

23. The Simpsons (Season 32 - 2020-2021, FOX) (Last year’s ranking: 37) - I essentially write the same thing every year about The Simpsons. Some highs, some lows. I felt the quality of episodes this season, for whatever reason, was generally a little bit higher than last, thus it’s up here.

22. Duncanville (Season 2 - 2021, FOX) (Last year’s ranking: 34) - It didn’t make the huge leap in quality I was hoping for, but it was consistently above average this season, with a couple of flashes of excellence.

21. Snowpiercer (Season 2 - 2021, TNT) (Last year’s ranking: 14) - Decent second season for this show. Started a bit slowly but picked up in the back half. Sean Bean was a good addition to the cast. If it dropped in quality from season one, it might be because I liked this show as my stupid summer show and season two aired during the winter. High possibility this affected my opinion of it.

20. Chad (Season 1 - 2021, TBS) (Last year’s ranking: N/A) - This isn’t a show for people who can’t handle cringe comedy. It lives there. And if the joke isn’t landing, which sometimes it doesn’t on this show, then you’re just trapped in a scene. But! But the jokes often do land, and when they do, they are very good. It’s also occasionally a touching show. The main character is a little dick, but the show also has a lot of sympathy for him -- he’s the son of immigrants trying so hard to fit in in middle school, to be what he perceives to be normal, in a battle with his own identity, in some of the most difficult years in a teen's life. You hate him but you also feel for him and want him to win. It’s a show with a little more depth than I thought it would have coming in.

19. What If…? (Season 1 - 2021, Disney+) (Last year’s ranking: N/A) - You know how it is with anthology shows: you win some, you lose some. The show is better at coming up with concepts than executing them, I think. Episodes feel a little rushed (generally because they’re trying to tell a movie’s worth -- or sometimes multiple movies’ worth -- of story in half an hour) and sometimes they feel like they just end because they've reached their time limit. Overall though, it’s a fun way to just try different things in the Marvel Universe.

18. Family Guy (Season 19 - 2020-2021, FOX) (Last year’s ranking: 24) - I barely even write blurbs about Family Guy on these lists anymore. It’s very consistent. This is around where it ends up on every list.

17. Alex Rider (Season 1 - 2020, IMDbTV) (Last year’s ranking: N/A) - Fun fact: I watched this show as part of an online paid focus group thing. I’ll just tell you what I told the people who ran the focus group. It’s good. It’s sleek and well-made. It moves just a little too slow for a spy thriller but not to the point of being boring. The show does need a little more life though. Some more quips and liveliness. It’s pretty preposterous on a conceptual level. A teenager is recruited into MI6 to be a spy and save the world. Don’t play that too seriously. Everyone understands this is teenage James Bond, so be that. Lean into it.

16. Prodigal Son (Season 2 - 2021, FOX) (Last year’s ranking: 28) - A fun second and final season for Prodigal Son. They only did 13 episodes for this season so they got to do a little more long term storytelling and fewer cases-of-the-week (this show handles those well anyway so not necessarily a bad thing). The bummer is that the show got canceled without much warning so they didn’t get to wrap things up, leaving on not quite a cliffhanger, but a fairly open-ended note.

15. Legends of Tomorrow (Season 6 - 2021, CW) (Last year’s ranking: 11) - The only show on the CW that seems to be in control of what it’s doing. Not as good a season as last season, but still quality work. Good characters, funny, imaginative.

14. Fargo (Season 4 - 2020, FX) (Last year’s ranking: N/A) - First time on a list for Fargo since the very first TV list I wrote in 2017. An impressive hiatus. I will say, I do think this was the weakest of the four seasons of Fargo. It took way too long to get the train rolling, though when it did, it got much better and delivered four really strong episodes at the end of the season. When it’s on, Fargo can fire on cylinders in storytelling and characters and dialogue that very few shows on TV can match up with. This season’s issue was that it took far too long to be on.

13. 9-1-1: Lone Star (Season 2 - 2021, FOX) (Last year’s ranking: 35) - I've really come to enjoy this show. I think this show found a groove in season two, putting out pretty consistently above-average episodes. It still has a lot of over-the-top silliness, but the characters are strong and most of the plots work.

12. Superstore (Season 6 - 2020-2021, NBC) (Last year’s ranking: 25) - Superstore was one of the few shows to incorporate COVID into their storylines in a natural way and manage to find humor in the situation, so bravo for both attempting that and succeeding at it. Behind the scenes, the show lost their main star, America Ferrera, at the start of the season, which should obviously have been a tough blow to take, but the rest of the ensemble stepped up and the show continued on without missing a beat in quality. Then, after filming nine episodes, they learned that this would be their final season, so the producers transitioned really well into endgame mode, crafting a strong backstretch of episodes to wrap everything up. I would guess with all the behind the scenes stuff and shooting this whole thing in the midst of a pandemic, this was the most difficult of the show’s six seasons to create. The fact that they were able to deliver such a satisfying finale through all of it is very impressive.

11. Fear The Walking Dead (Season 6 - 2020-2021, AMC) (Last year’s ranking: N/A) - I’d say this season was not as strong as last, but I still found it very good, and generally more enjoyable in recent years than the original flavor Walking Dead. A fascinating story choice at the end of the season, setting up an intriguing seventh season.

10. Animal Kingdom (Season 5 - 2021, TNT) (Last year’s ranking: N/A) - Not the strongest season Animal Kingdom has had, but the show is still one of my favorites. This season is sort of about the characters searching for their identity in a new world, which is interesting in its own right but perhaps not as much as pulling off daring heists? I get the sense this season is doing some prep work in anticipation of next season, the show’s last. I’m predicting a very good final season.

9. American Dad! (Season 18 - 2021, TBS) (Last year’s ranking: 23) - A return to form for the show. Much improved over last season for me.

8. Love, Victor (Season 2 - 2021, Hulu) (Last year’s ranking: 5) - Just a minor step down in quality from the first season, I think mostly because the show lost a little focus. Season one was about Victor’s journey to self-acceptance and coming out, season two was more about dealing with the fallout from all that. There wasn’t a super-strong throughline. But still a very sweet show. Funny. Romantic. Very enjoyable.

7. Mr. Mayor (Season 1 - 2021, NBC) (Last year’s ranking: N/A) - This show is going to be good. I’m calling it. It already had a very strong first season with one of my favorite comedic episodes of any show this year in 1.6 “Respect in the Workplace”. Tina Fey and Robert Carlock behind the scenes, a very good cast in front of the camera, this show is set up to become one of my favorites.

6. Mythic Quest (Season 2 - 2021, Apple TV+) (Last year’s ranking: N/A) - Mythic Quest is a fascinating show. For 90% of its episodes, it’s just a very good workplace comedy. And then, every now and then, it just uncorks a truly fantastic standalone episode. Season one did this with episode 1.5 “A Dark Quiet Death”. The show also released a quarantine episode called, appropriately, “Quarantine” that was probably my favorite COVID-related TV episode, one that should serve as a nice time capsule for this period at some point down the road. Season two was an improvement in quality overall from season one, and it also featured a tremendous two-part standalone story (episodes 2.6 “Backstory!” and 2.7 “Peter”). It’s a funny show with good characters and a surprising amount of heart.

5. The Other Two (Season 2 - 2021, HBO Max) (Last year’s ranking: N/A) - Great, great satire of the entertainment industry. Excellent characters. Fantastic writing. Often hilarious, but it also has some depth to it when it comes to matters surrounding the core family.

4. Brooklyn Nine-Nine (Season 8 - 2021, NBC) (Last year’s ranking: 7) - It’s only appropriate that this show ends up here in its final season. I once wrote about this show that I was never excited to see it pop up in my DVR, despite really enjoying it when I actually got around to watching the individual episodes. This final season was essentially a bunch of very special episodes. The show felt it was obligated to tackle all kinds of important real world topics instead of just being a goofy sitcom. It didn’t really work and it made me once again unenthused about starting up an episode. And yet, the show’s actually plotting within episodes and joke-writing ability is so incredibly strong that once I started the episode, I found myself really, really enjoying it as always. The series finale is a great example. Super obvious character arcs, things you saw telegraphed from basically the beginning of the season, and yet, the episode was still pitch perfect. Hilarious and moving and exactly how you'd hope for a show to wrap up. Stuck the landing brilliantly. This was a show that always succeeded in spite of itself. In spite of its premise and its core identity. It succeeded because it was always one of the sharpest written shows on television. Its final season was no different.

3. WandaVision (Season 1 - 2021, Disney+) (Last year’s ranking: N/A) - I really enjoyed the early episodes of this show, where they went to great lengths to capture the setting and feel of various past eras of television. They did an incredible job with the sets and costumes, and beyond that, even the writing was very good at aping the styles of the eras being portrayed. But as much as I enjoyed the early episodes, I really loved when the show took a turn and slowly unfolded into a piece about one character’s loss and grief. A tremendous second gear. A fantastic show overall.

2. The Mandalorian (Season 2 - 2020, Disney+) (Last year’s ranking: 2) - A tremendously fun show. Didn’t lose a step from season one.

1. Loki (Season 1 - 2021, Disney+) (Last year’s ranking: N/A) - Loved this show. Not just from a storytelling perspective. On that alone, it’s an excellent show. Some fun mystery stuff, some mind-bending stuff, clever, funny writing, great characters, solid drama. Beyond that though, I was just loving everything I was seeing and hearing on screen. The sets -- everything from the TVA headquarters to alien planets -- look amazing. The costumes are great. The music is superb. The show just had everything firing on all cylinders. It was brilliantly done.

So there we have it. Like I mentioned, some of these shows are still going on and have a few episodes left in their seasons. I might come back and do some light editing on this list if any of those shows do something truly surprising in a good or bad way in those final episodes but the likelihood is they probably won’t do enough to wildly change my opinion of them.

Or, if you’re reading this in the future, maybe I’ve already done that and that adjusted list is the list you’re looking at!

Wow.

Mind. Blown.

- - - - -

Annual Lists of TV Shows I Saw the Past Year

#reviews #Annual Lists of TV Shows I Saw The Past Year

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enibly · 4 years ago

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DCOM and Dessert: The Cheetah Girls

here begins my livewatch of the The Cheetah Girls.

first observation: this feels like just yesterday! this movie does not look old at all

i would totally wear any of their outfits even today. I used to want to dress like Aqua as a kid but now I think I kinda dress like Chanel

Raven doing a Jamaican accent, oh no

Galleria’s mom: “comin’ up with this cheetah chatter!”

classic

“ka ching ka ching, bling bling bling”

this movie is so quotable

I think Chanel was my favorite character when I first watched this (which was the world premiere in August 2003!) and I think she’s still my favorite character- what a sweet kid~

I still feel sad seeing Chanel’s mom being too self-absorbed to pay attention to her daughter :( hits too close to home in some ways :(((

ITS THAT LONG BLOND HAIRED GUY!!! HE STILL MAKES ME CRINGE AS MUCH AS EVER!! HIS DUMB LITTLE WALK AND WAY OF SPEAKING AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA WHAT A LOSER

ewwww this guy is so gross (and I think Galleria knows this in her gay heart)

ok there’s like waaaay too much to liveblog about this movie. i may have to stop just so i can watch properly. plus Cinderella is coming up!!!!!!!!!! what a jam!!!!!!!!!!

oh my gosh, I just learned that Drinka is played by a trans actress! <3

Galleria’s mom is such a power player, wow. i would love to have her as a boss, but damn is she intense as a mom

ok so they’re making upside down cheetah mini-cakes for the baking portion. should... should i be making this right now?

ad time: hmm kidz-bop must have slim pickings cause they’re releasing an all-time greatest hits cd instead of their usual kidz bop vol. 300

galleria and her mom fighting... could use some NVC skills

reminds me of me and mom when we fight... we could use some NVC skills

oh no Chanel’s mom just dropped the bomb of moving like that??!?!? not ok

Galleria’s award-winning solution: “tell her no chance, no dance”

Galleria really wants money/luxury huh...

what about the art? what about the stage? i’m kinda getting the sense that what she really wants is to be a producer or agent (but she has such a talent for songwriting!)

Galleria: “if he can’t respect my art, he can’t have my heart“

also Aqua thinks that those rival upperclassmen are “fine” which is just nonsensical

aww Galleria and Chanel are such a cute pair <3

but will Galleria’s ambition tear them apart??!?

Jackal wants to record the track in just a week? hm

ok Galleria is so funny when she’s full of herself- being hilarious when being annoying is really Raven-Symone’s specialty as an actress

does chompcheetah.com work?

Aqua got way too mean girl when telling Chanel to reign her wife, i mean best friend, in. I remember thinking that was not good friend behavior when I was little

ad break: hahahaha Skye Katz has a commercial with Tony the Tiger. I don’t know why that’s kinda fun

apparently some people have gotten promo boxes for DCOM and Dessert?? how are they getting these???

photo credit: https://twitter.com/minkus/status/1381684466150600705

oh Galleria, if only you had better interpersonal skills...

Dorinda dance time [music emoji]

Chanel is a precious baby <3 stop neglecting her Mama Chanel!!

ok, did “Breakthrough” ever get play on the radio? cause i swear i thought it was a regular, non-Cheetah Girls song cause I heard it so much. am i just imagining this? am i confusing it with those other dozens of songs like it that were on 2003 radio?

Dorinda having a crisis about what race she is didn’t make sense to me when I was little, but I totally get what she means now

aww, the Cheetah Girls are a chosen family <3

and Dorinda and Chanel are such a sweet pair <3

oh my god i forgot about that cd cover BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Galleria is so transparent

snapshot of the music exec’s pitch: “kids love endangered species. kids wanna party.” classic

also dude you’re an adult putting your arms around a teen girl. GET OFF HER!!!

this film is definitely missing several scenes where Galleria shoves these dudes’ arms off her

i’ve.

made mistakes before, but

i know i’m not perfect,

but it’s ok cause

who

could

eh-

-ver

i SO wanted Aqua’s outfit in “Girl Power” when i was a kid

also, the bridges in all these rock. i mean, EVERY part of each of these songs is incredible, but i’m always amazed by how strong those bridges are in particular

i know that “All Around the World” is supposed to be cheap pop schlock, but like, I love cheap pop schlock so I don’t hate it heh

Aqua’s going mean girl again :/ the way she communicates really stresses me out

I can’t believe this movie is over halfway done! it goes so fast!!!

hmm, Chanel it’s lovely that’s you want to show that you’re grateful to your mom, but like, I think you have some problems you still need to talk about. you gotta speak your truth! she needs to hear in detail about all the things that have been bothering you!

now everyone on twitter is getting all emotional watching the Cheetah Girls, and you know, i feel it- this movie gets really real

wait, for this recipe for upside down cheetah cakes, are these cakes or english muffins?? they do not look like what i expected

time for Galleria’s soulful piano ballad in the auditorium. very theatre kid of her

ah, blond kid doesn’t like pop music, i see. he will never fit in with a gay like Galleria.

Galleria’s talking about lipsynching like she was asked to dance with the devil at midnight

now blond kid is trying to tell Galleria about the path of a true artist. these kids!

the detail of Galleria’s favorite movie being The Wizard of Oz is really cute tho

wow, they got Global Get Down to market in like, 2 days. what kind of racket is Jackal Johnson running?

Galleria just slammed into a cop and made him drop his donut: Cheetah Girls say ACAB

never mind, the police are helping get Toto out- they responded way more positively to a black teen in a pink cheetah print jumpsuit than they would in real life. Cheetah Girls do not say ACAB :(

bahahahahahaha Sonic Chaos is on stage- white boy’s rapping. how can he say that Galleria’s pop music is fluff when this is his work???!?!?!? what a hypocrite. or... he’s trying to mess with Galleria’s head to take her out of the competition!!!! insidious

ppppfpfpfajipfeqpsihqpeihvdapiejdvpajfiodacj the white boy’s dance moves!!!!!! SO LAME BAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Trinka was about to tell us a story about going to the movies with the Captain and Tennille and I’m kinda curious?

the way the power comes on and then Galleria’s face is blown up on screen is so funny ahahahaha

all the adults in this movie are so New York heh

hooray Toto is saved by the power of music!!

when blond boy isn’t posturing, he’s ok actually, but he is really posturing almost all the time. also he’s supposed to be a sophomore in high school but he looks like he’s 24. ah well, whatever

time for a ballad of sisterhood in the streets T-T

chills down my spine

ghahahahahahaha I forgot about that guitar solo

oh my gosh what a song to end on though!!!

and with all the smoke and lights and the choreo aaaaaaa

legendary~!

wait i totally forgot about this dance break, except for Toto’s dance in it

“Cheetah Girls, Cheetah Sisters” = an anthem of cross-community solidarity

cheetah por vida indeed

hooray they won the talent show!!! and everyone’s happy about it!!!

but guys, I think Jackal Johnson might have hung up by now

and what sparkly beautiful fireworks to end on <3

what a wonderful film!!!!!!!!!!!!

also i want to look up some of the other songs the music ppl on this film made cause, damn, they really did an INCREDIBLE JOB!!!!!!

(also i was hoping there would be some interview portions but it’s ok- when it comes to the cheetah girls, we’ve already got plenty of hot goss)

and that’s the end! AND ZENON IS NEXT WEEK I CANT WAIT

#disney channel #liveblogging #screens #dcom and dessert

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smokeybrand · 4 years ago

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Smokey brand Movie Reviews: Bad Iliad

A friend of mine got into it about the various interpretations of the Medusa myth and it got me going about Greek Mythology. I love me some mythology but my first love was the Greek myths. They’re just so ridiculous and petty and tragic and fun. These things read like old timey comic books with the best villains and human heroes. Medusa a is one of my favorite characters and it’s all thanks to The Clash of the Titans. I saw that old movie way back when i was a wee sprout. It was during my Ray Harryhausen phase and fueled my love for claymation. His work, just like the original Clash, left a distinct impression on me and I've studied all things Greek myth since. When the remake was announced, i was pretty hyped but i never actually sat down to watch the whole thing all the way through, only bits and pieces. I missed it in theaters because the 3D transition ruined the movie and tainting the experience. When it was released to to home video, i skipped it because of all the bad word-of-mouth. Apparently, the remake is on Netflix so, after reminiscing about my love for the ancient myths, I've decided to actually watch this thing all the way through.

The Good

The look of this movie is outstanding. The sets, the costumes, the build of the world were all exceptional. You can tell they used every bit of that massive budget to do the original film justice. This thing s super easy on the eyes.

I really like the updated monster designs, specifically the Kraken and Medusa. Those Furies, then scorpions, and even the Pegasuses; All of them awesomely reinterpreted. The sheer scope of that climactic battle between Perseus and the Kraken was so f*cking epic and Medusa’s whole scene was beautifully tragic. I loved every bit of that sh*t. Also, Calibos was pretty okay in this thing, too. i prefer the old goat-like one but i ain’t mad at this version at all.

This cast is dumb stacked. Sam Worthington, Mads Mikkelson, Gemma Arterton, Liam Neeson, Ralph Fiennes, Luke Evans, Natalia Vodianova, and Kaya Scodelario all make an appearance. Even Nicholas Hoult is in this thing somewhere. Dope ensemble is dope and i enjoyed mostly everyone, specifically Mads and Neeson. These cats chewed all of the scenery whenever they were on screen.

I have to say, the pacing in this flick is pretty nimble. They got from scene to scene rather swiftly without losing too much story in between. I appreciated that as, i mean, this thing ain’t one for the intellectual. You aren’t puzzling on the underlying themes of this narrative any time soon so the fact that this flick gets you from set piece to set piece as briskly as possible, is a real positive.

The Bad

The editing in this thing is kind of terrible, man. It has a problem with that early 10s, shaky cam, jump cut nonsense that’s supposed to convey intensity but just f*cking obscures whatever is going on in the movie. Your movie can be as beautiful as the stars and your action set piece as epic as anything from Terminator 2, but if you can’t see any of it, what the f*ck is the point?

The writing in this thing is dumb as rocks. The changes made to the plot did not make for a better narrative and a lot of the dialogue is corny as f*ck. The original ain’t winning any awards for it’s narrative but it feels far more coherent than this version of the story.

Way too much exposition. This, i think, is a problem that stems from the pour writing. There isn’t any organic way to expound the necessary information outside of having f*cking Io explain literally everything. This movie constantly breaks the cardinal rule of film making by telling the audience everything instead of showing it to us.

The performances weren’t great but that, again, stems from the fact that the writing is so goddamn weak. It’s really, really, hard to get into this click when everything is so goddamn mundane. This is a movie about man fighting gods, riddled with massive creatures and tragic monsters. This thing should be mad epic but it feels so goddamn small.

Bro, the plot holes. They weren’t super egregious like other films, i didn’t feel insulted watching this sh*t, but it definitely left a bad taste in my mouth by the time the credits began to roll.

While i loved the fact that Ralph Fiennes is in this doing his Ralph Fiennes thing, the switch t make Hades the main antagonist and not Thetis effectively ruins the entire story. The best Greek myths are when the gods are just petty assholes toward each other and humans get caught in the crossfire. The original understood this and literally portrayed us a playthings to be manipulated with that pretty on the nose, clay figure imagery. This flick ain’t that and i think it suffers for it.

Kind of in the same vein, the lack of Calibos was very apparent. The decision to move away from him as the main foil to Perseus kind of f*cked up the flow of the story. I wasn’t mad at the change in how the character was represented but there should have been more, direct, interaction between Perseus and Calibos, like in the original. In that one, he felt like a force, like threat. In this one, dude is just fodder and scene filler. Missed opportunity, for sure.

The whole Prokopion subplot was entirely unnecessary. Why was this dude even in the movie? It’s an interesting idea, sure, but there wasn’t anywhere near enough time to explore or develop that aspect of the film. Save that sh*t for a sequel. It would probably make fir a much richer narrative that what we actually got.

A bald eagle, my dude? Word?

The Verdict

This is a bad movie, man. It’s not the worst thing I've ever seen but i can’t say i was continuously entertained. To be honest, i was bored fro probably the first ten or fifteen minutes. It’s really pretty, though, and has some dope ass effects. The Kraken climax and that Medusa set piece was gorgeous to see and i really like this cast but there is no substance to this film. None. The actual story is little more than a skeleton to hang big-budget, CG effects, on to it and that’s fine. I can get behind vapid nonsense from time to time. I mean, i actually like the first Bayformers movie before they got really insulting. I might be giving this thing a harder time than it deserves but that’s because I've seen this movie done better. I’ve seen this story told better. I’ve seen this film executed better and it was done thirty years before this one came out. The 1981 version of this click is superior in every way with the exception of effects. That’s it. If i had to choose between the two versions, I'd definitely watch that one first however, the 2010 remake isn’t that horrible. There is merit to this version of the narrative and it’s definitely one of the more beautiful films out there. If you have an hour and change left, I'd suggest checking out the Clash of the Titans remake.

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shmosnet2 · 5 years ago

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Critics’ Claws Are Out for ‘Cats’: A Roundup of Reviews

The trailer sent shock waves through the internet this summer. Now that they’ve seen it, what do critics have to say about the new big-screen adaptation?

Jason Derulo as Rum Tum Tugger in “Cats.”Credit...Universal Pictures, via Associated Press When the first “Cats” trailer dropped in July, the internet convulsed with revulsion and awe. People were unprepared for the digital fur technology that was unleashed in the two-minute spectacle. “If this messed up world doesn’t kill us first, ‘Cats’ will clearly finish the job when it opens on Dec. 20,” Garrett Martin of Paste Magazine wrote. And with the release of the film this week, a similar tide of panic, confusion and anger has flooded the American psyche — or at least the psyches of those who have been exposed to the feature-length film that some fear they cannot unsee. As of Thursday night, the movie had a 34 on the film review site Metacritic, a score based on the generally unfavorable reviews of 43 critics. It registered at 20 percent on Rotten Tomatoes, which offered this bit of punditry: “Despite its fur-midable cast, this ‘Cats’ adaptation is a clawful mistake that will leave most viewers begging to be put out of their mew-sery.” Critics have complained that the stress of viewing the movie has triggered migraines and the urge to throw shoes at the screen. And yet, others have found they can’t look away. Alex Cranz of Gizmodo said she saw sights no human should see: “I have been processing this movie for the last 24 hours trying to understand anything as terrifying and visceral a train wreck as ‘Cats.’ You have to see ‘Cats.’” The New York Times film critic Manohla Dargis said that “a doctoral thesis could be written on how this misfire sputtered into existence, though there’s nothing new about the movies’ energetic embrace of bad taste.” Among the many deliciously catty lines in her review — please read it here — was a description of Judi Dench’s Old Deuteronomy as “a Yoda-esque fluff ball with a huge ruff who brings to mind the Cowardly Lion en route to a drag ball as Queen Elizabeth I.” The claws are out across the internet. We’ve gathered a few of the sharpest lines for your reading pleasure.

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From left, Danny Collins as Mungojerrie, Taylor Swift as Bombalurina and Naoimh Morgan as Rumpleteazer.Credit...Universal Pictures Better Left Onstage Was adapting Andrew Lloyd Webber’s Tony Award-winning musical, which enjoyed decades of fame and profit around the world, a mistake? For many, the answer was yes. “‘Cats’ turns the most vacuous stage musical of the 1980s into a big-screen litter box for the hammiest of stars to unload into,” Peter Howell of The Toronto Star wrote. The headline of his one-and-a-half-star review: ‘Cats’ is a dog — a big, dumb, loud one.” The original stage show was marketed as a musical for the masses, Kevin Fallon noted in a critique for The Daily Beast. “Because it is legitimately insane, it made an entire generation of people think they hated musical theater. Wait ’til they see this movie!”

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Idris Elba as Macavity, left, and Francesca Hayward as Victoria.Credit...Universal Pictures, via Associated Press ‘A Horror and an Endurance Test’ Among the chief complaints about “Cats” — the stage musical as well as the film — is the lack of a story line. Justin Chang of The Los Angeles Times described it as “a movie in which making sense was the very last priority” and summed up the plot as “Les Meowsérables.” He continued: For the most part, “Cats” is both a horror and an endurance test, a dispatch from some neon-drenched netherworld where the ghastly is inextricable from the tedious. Every so often it does paws — ahem, pause — to rise to the level of a self-aware hoot. “Unless you’re on strong mind-altering substances while you’re watching the film, you will either be baffled or bored by this pseudo-religious nonsense,” Nicholas Barber of the BBC wrote in his two-star review. Peter Debruge, Variety’s chief film critic, said the director Tom Hooper’s “outlandishly tacky interpretation seems destined to become one of those once-in-a-blue-moon embarrassments that mars the résumés of great actors” and “trips up the careers of promising newcomers.” What’s Up With the Fur? One of the main draws of the film was supposedly the special effects to crossbreed feline and human anatomies using a technique called “digital fur technology.” The effects, however, have been most kindly described as “creepy.” “Millions of dollars and thousands of hours have been sunk into making the cats in ‘Cats’ look like hypertrichotic mutants from the Uncanny Valley Of Dr. Moreau, with tails and furry faces and hairless human fingers and toes,” Ignatiy Vishnevetsky wrote for The AV Club. “Their proportions in relation to the sets seem all wrong.” David Rooney of The Hollywood Reporter offered this reminder to those who watched the trailer: If you recoiled back then at the sight of British acting royalty with their faces stuck onto little furry bodies, or even just the jarring image of cats with human breasts, chances are you’ll still be covering your eyes and peering in a profoundly disturbed state through the gaps between your fingers at the finished film. At least until boredom sets in. Not Safe for Children “Anyone who takes small children to this movie is setting them up for winged-monkey levels of night terrors,” Ty Burr of The Boston Globe wrote. “I truly believe our divided nation can be healed and brought together as one by ‘Cats’ — the musical, the movie, the disaster,” he said. “In other news, my eyes are burning. Oh God, my eyes.” Matt Goldberg, writing for Collider, nodded to the onscreen sexual tension: But if it wasn’t enough to make the cats horny (why are they so horny), Hooper also feels the need to make it gross by having them dig through trash and play up their animal instincts. “Cats” always feels like it’s two seconds away from turning into a furry orgy in a dumpster. That’s the energy you have to sit with for almost two hours. Slate’s headline was succinct: “The ‘Cats’ Movie Is a Void of Horny Confusion.” Put It Out of Its Misery Tyler Coates of Wired said the film was “awful”: It has been a while since a big-budget, star-packed studio film has felt like such a disaster from start to finish. Befuddling, confusing, deeply ugly, and incredibly un-fun, I surely won’t be the only critic to recommend ‘Cats’ be put down immediately. What has for decades been something of a pop culture joke is now an even more wackadoo entertainment event. It’s almost as if Hooper and company were tasked with making the worst movie they could conceive of, that it was one epic troll — that could be the nicest thing I could say about it, that they have achieved something. ‘Not That Bad!’ “I realize that critique won’t be used in Cats’ advertising campaign,” Mara Reinstein of Us Weekly wrote. “But the musical does indeed have its merits — and is not nearly as disastrous as you feared.” Richard Lawson of Vanity Fair also showed mercy and described the film as “an ugly stray who smells bad and should not be invited into your home, certainly.” “And yet it is its own kind of living creature, worthy of at least some basic compassion.”

https://ift.tt/34Kq2g2 . Foreign Articles December 20, 2019 at 03:45PM

#. Foreign Articles Critics’ Claws Are Out for ‘Cats’: A Roundup of Reviews

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tysonrunningfox · 8 years ago

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A.r.v.e.l.i.a.

Is the theme of my day, apparently. This takes place right after/concurrent with Chapter 19 of Eret III and builds up to Chapter 20 which I totally wrote today and will hopefully post tonight.

The worst part about the apple tart is that it’s delicious.

Aurelia doesn’t want it, because she hasn’t eaten one in a decade, since that first morning her mother was gone and her dad went to get breakfast because he couldn’t do anything else right. And Stoick was crying and too small to be all alone. She just remembers holding her brother and staring at the front door, halfway sure that her dad was going to leave too until he came back with breakfast and started telling her that everything was going to be ok.

And it wasn’t ok, of course, it was awful and scary and sad, and it seemed like he didn’t hear her that morning or any time after. And now apple tarts just taste like hopes destined to be crushed, and maybe it’s appropriate that she has one today.

She’s going to help her stupid new big brother save dragons and she’s going to go see Arvid again, like that’s not a disastrously beautiful dead end. Maybe she’s once again, fully composed of hopes just waiting to be crushed.

“You ok?” Mom asks as she’s finishing up her breakfast, but honestly, she looks like she’s winning the discombobulated award, so Aurelia doesn’t take her up on the gentle offer of comfort.

“He’s nice sometimes,” Aurelia shrugs, “I never take it too seriously, it normally means he’s about to do something ridiculous.”

“Yeah,” her mom snorts, more of an exhale through her nose than anything else, “usually it means he already did.”

“One time he left a baby dragon in my room. He was really nice when I got home, Phlegma made us dinner and it was decent and I thought it was a good night until I went upstairs and this gronckle was all over me.” She stands up and shakes her head. “Baby gronckles seem pretty big when you’re the shortest nine-year-old on the island.”

Mom sets her hand on Aurelia’s, comforting and understanding, and that makes all of this worse, because she knows what Dad does and she’s here dealing with it too. Suddenly, Aurelia wants to tell her the truth, about the dragons, about the attacks on neighboring islands, about the bombings. She’d have something useful to say, Aurelia’s sure of it.

But she promised Eret and that means something too.

Yeah, it means she’s putting a lot of faith in Eret and her dad thinks Eret’s just like him, and that could all come crumbling down on her apple tart filled self, but…she’s risking it. And she should leave before she rethinks all that.

“I don’t know what he’s thinking with you.” Mom pats her hand, “or me, or Eret for that matter, but mostly I don’t know how he thinks it’s going to work out with you.”

“I don’t think he does think about it,” Aurelia laughs, pats her Mom’s shoulder and sighs. “I’m going out. Well, not out, because it’s Berk and it’s morning and there’s nowhere to go, but I’m going to go walk around and clear my head.” She almost asks if her mom is ok, because she cares about that, and suddenly, in this moment, they seem like the two people that her dad has fucked over the most. But she doesn’t ask because she’s not ready for the answer.

She’s not ready to be lied to, to hear ‘I’m ok’ in the exact tone she’s always said it.

“Have fun,” Mom waves her off, “I have to say, it’s kind of nice knowing one of my kids will stay on island.”

“Keeping track of me is easy, I will claim that one, I never go anywhere.” Aurelia waves one last time as she walks out of the front door and runs down the hill, because this feels like escaping and pursuing all at once. The Sigurdsons’ Nadder tries to greet her, which no one ever seems to realize is only a couple runes from eat her, and she ducks onto a smaller forest path.

It’s not a great idea, given the morning she’s had, to take the long, quiet way around the island, because there’s too much time to think and too many things to think about, but apparently it’s the path with the least dragons so she takes it, skirting along the shore.

She doesn’t hate Berk. Not really, not conceptually. She’s always kind of wished to be somewhere else, but that’s because of the dragons and her family and the fact that she’s so fundamentally unacceptable here. But she likes the beaches, and she likes the steep cliffs, and even though she’s always cold, she likes the cold weather. She’s always kind of envied the way that the cold drives everyone else together, even if she’s always been left on the outside.

It’s like she gets this place, in every way except for the dragon obsession, and that’s inexcusable.

The sun is high in the sky by the time she makes it to the Hofferson place, climbing up the horribly maintained side-path to their house. The sea-facing side of the house looks even worse, all raw wood and salt stained paint and she rests her hand on it.

“Thor’s beard,” she swears under her breath when a splinter bites into the palm of her hand, jerking away from the house and sucking on the wound until the splinter comes out onto her tongue. She flicks it onto the ground and steps on it for good measure, looking up at the window and wondering not so idly if Arvid is shirtless again.

She wouldn’t complain necessarily. Or at all. It would make her argument a lot less sound, especially since she hasn’t considered what she’s going to say yet, but she’d enjoy every verbal stumble to look at him. Plus, it’s not like it’s hard anyway, it’s just ‘dragons are blowing up Berserker shit, we’re going to talk about helping them later, show up’.

That won’t take that long to finesse, really.

Maybe he’d let her inside again, if she didn’t argue back too much, and she could see if he still has that ridiculous stuffed dragon that he used to. Maybe if the light level in the room were low enough he’d forget she wasn’t just another one of his conquests, and she’d have a decent way to spend the rest of the morning and afternoon until meeting with Fuse and Eret.

She thinks about knocking, because that might be normal, even though the first thing she’d announce is that she’s half a day early for an appointment he doesn’t know about, but she also doesn’t want to talk to him while her breath still smells like apple tart and she can’t think of anything but how easy it would be to hit her somewhere it hurts. Because everything hurts. The sun hurts, too bright behind a veil of clouds so pale grey they look white, and her ankles hurt, where they’re cold and chapped through the fraying of the fur in her boots.

And her head hurts, because her dad doesn’t know what he does and even though she has a new mom and a new brother and a new, stupid quest dragging her everywhere, it still has the capacity to hurt her.

She flops down on the porch, giving absolutely zero thought to being quiet because Arvid’s probably asleep or not here anyway, and it’s a small victory that she doesn’t get any splinters in her butt. Like, it wouldn’t have been all bad, maybe, because Arvid owes her one for nursing some dumb, superficial injury and that’d be a way to get her foot in the door.

Or her butt in the door.

And her butt isn’t really her best foot to put forward but—The door opens behind her and she nearly falls off the porch, scrabbling for her hold and getting another splinter in her finger.

Fuck.

“Who’s out here?—Oh. It’s you.” Arvid glowers at her from the doorway, tattoos mostly healed, hair down around his shoulders, and fuck him for looking hot right now. It’s first thing in the damn morning, can’t he be gross and sleepy eyed like everyone else?

No, of course not, sleepy eyes on him look like the sweet intersection of muscles and broody glares and her face feels hot.

She sets her jaw, “again, you has a name. I’m sure you could remember it if you tried really hard.”

“What are you doing here?”

“I need to talk to you later.”

“What?” He scratches his head and yawns and she bets he’s warm to the touch, that his blankets are still all tangled up from him lying in them.

“This afternoon. Don’t worry about it yet.”

“Again, what?”

“I need to talk to you this afternoon, that’s what I’m doing here,” she rolls her eyes like she’s judging his confusion and he runs his hand through his hair, squinting up at the sun like he’s trying to tell what time it is. “It’s still morning, yes, but I need to talk to you later.”

“Whatever,” he steps back from the door, his face falling back into shadow, “’m not awake enough for this nonsense.”

He shuts the door and she kicks herself, because she didn’t say anything that made sense and what kind of loser just…skulks around someone else’s porch all day? And now she has to sit here with the horrible truth of knowing what Arvid fucking Hofferson looks like first thing in the morning and if she leaves, it’ll look like he scared her off, which is obviously impossible.

Something shifts in the barn, probably his dragon, and she draws her knees to her chest, chewing on her fingertip and trying to suck the splinter out. His house needs some paint or some repairs. He should invite her inside to inspect the rest of it.

And you know, he should probably be far more shirtless and just as tired as he just was, because it softened all of his edges and brought his sheer hotness down to a comprehensible level she could wrap her mind around.

The window in front of her, along the side of the house, opens and he leans out of it, still squinting against the sunlight as he glares at her. His shirt is too tight. It’s probably restricting his movement, poor dear, someone should help him out.

“So you’re just going to sit there all day?”

“Do you have a better idea?” She’s more serious than she’d like to admit, like if he proposed some genius plan other than sitting here, she might actually do it.

“You could fuck off.”

“You’ve got a way with words, has anyone ever told you that?” She laughs, leaning back on her elbows and trying to get comfortable. The thing in the barn creaks again and she tries not to jump.

“What’s got you so jumpy?”

“Nothing.”

He stares at her, blinking twice like she’ll suddenly poof into some being that makes sense. She wishes it were that simple, she would have grown a foot and a death wish a decade ago if people’s confusion meant anything.

She raises an eyebrow, half to challenge him and half to see what he’ll say, and he grunts, disappearing inside and shutting the window.

He’s not making this very much fun, is he? It’s like he knows that arguing back won’t get him anywhere but even worse, he’s not willing to try, and it’s driving her crazy. He should at least try. And if he wanted to leave his hair down, that’s entirely up to him, but she’d consider it a solid life decision.

It’s a nice day for fall, really, the breeze off the bay isn’t too cold and the sun isn’t too hot, and she could almost fall asleep if it weren’t for where she is and what she’s thinking about. She knows Arvid is a dick, a royal dick, a next level royal dick who’s mean to her and mean to Eret and sits around moping like he knows how handsome his stupid moping face is, but she can’t help being interested. And it’s more than him just being hot, it’s the fact that Arvid and Eret and Aurelia seem to be the trio of young people utterly unaffected by the awesome-nature of chief Hiccup Haddock.

Arvid hates her dad. Arvid hates her dad so much that he hates her by extension, and in a weird way, it makes her feel like she’s being valued independently. It’s easier to be hated by association than loved by association, or something like that.

She readjusts her position, sitting up straight and looking at her hands. Her ring, the one she asked Eret to fix all those months ago, is still shiny and she spins it around her finger, wondering how many times she could twist it around before it’s time to tell Arvid.

She could tell him now, she guesses, but that gives him time to think about not showing up, and it’s her one job to get him there.

“Just tell me now,” he opens the front door again, and he’s horribly, attractively, miserably put together, his hair pulled back from his face, “whatever it is.”

“I don’t need to tell you until this afternoon.”

“How about instead of shocking me with whatever it is, you just tell me now?”

“Why would I want to shock you?” Except she has, forever, because shocking him might make him notice her, and this is the hardest lie she’s deadpanned today, one eyebrow twitching slightly when the dragon in the barn thumps again behind her. “Because that’s an insult to my sense of humor.”

“I’ve got things to do today,” he sounds irritated now, pushed beyond some imaginary barrier she hadn’t realized she was brushing up against, “so if you could just tell me now—”

“What kinds of things?” She asks, because her top three hobbies are crushing on unattainable assholes, asking questions that only end in pain, and being nosy.

“None of your business.”

“Ooh, super-secret things you refuse to tell me about, how intriguing. Is this how you get all your dates?” She sneers, almost accidentally, years-worth of jealousy and embarrassment making her wish she hadn’t come here. “Tell me more.”

“I have to fix my saddle,” he rolls his eyes, “not that I should have to run it by you, princess but—“

“Eret would do that for you.” She wishes she were standing up, but it’s more casual this way, more like she doesn’t actually care what she’s saying. “If you weren’t such a gods-damned asshole to him. All the time.”

“He’d do it anyway,” Arvid smirks, cruel in that way that makes him less and more hot all at once and she can feel her blood threatening to boil beneath her skin.

“Yeah, he would,” she laughs, a sarcastic, too fake laugh that echoes off the walls. “Did you know that he won’t even talk bad about you? You break his face and say a million mean things and he makes some joke about how you were imagining my dad. Next time go straight for my dad, alright? Eret is too good to be your punching bag.”

He freezes, shoulders a hard, rigid, impossibly straight line.

“You think I should punch the chief?”

“I think someone should, and you seem fully cocked and ready.”

Innuendo. She tries and fails not to look him up and down, like she’s living in some dirty book Fishlegs refused to have in the library.

“Punching the chief is a joke to you?” He looks stunned and she likes the look on him until she realizes what it means.

He thinks because her family name happens to be Haddock, she’s obviously the chief’s number one fan. And normally, well normally it’s in her best interest for people to think that, it’s easiest and quickest and she doesn’t mind.

But she cares that Arvid thinks it.

“I’m only three months younger than Eret, you know. His last fuck up wasn’t even done cooking when he moved onto me.”

““I’m barely a year older than Eret,” Arvid mumbles, because there’s something unidentifiably shameful in the fact, like—

“Turns out neither of our moms could keep him interested.”

“Exactly,” Arvid jerks his head up, like she’s pulling it with a string, and it makes him . “But then Eret—”

“Hey, Eret is the best.”

“He’s got you fooled,” he rolls his eyes and takes a big step backwards into the house, the door falling shut behind him. It’s silent, for a moment, for long enough that she thinks she has peace until later, when she actually wanted to tell him, but then his head appears in the doorway again, all at once. “Do you want food? Or something?”

“What?”

“You’re just—I guess you’re a guest, or something,” he scoffs.

“I already ate.” She tries not to look at him like he’s someone new, crossing her legs, “I bet Mom taught you that, all that polite stuff. I’ll have to tell her it stuck.”

“You call her Mom.” He doesn’t sound hurt, he sounds blank, like I’ve heard coming out of my own mouth so many times, and Arvid Hofferson should not be so relatable while his arms are putting so much stress on the sleeves of his shirt. Those two realities shouldn’t be able to coexist.

“I heard you don’t anymore.” She shrugs, “so why should you care what I call her?”

“I don’t.” He scoffs, “I was angry when I said that.”

“Original excuse there, like we all aren’t angry all the time.”

“What do you want to talk to me about?” He frowns, tattoos wrinkling slightly, like they’ve always been a part of his face. She tries to remember what he looked like without them and it’s like remembering herself without Eret hanging around.

“Eret is talking to Fuse later about blowing up the sick dragon island. We should both be there too.”

“When?”

“When he’s done with his chiefly stuff for the day, I don’t know, that’s why I wasn’t going to talk to you about it until this afternoon.”

“Oh.” He shrugs and leans against the doorframe, simultaneously clueless and fully aware how it makes him look. Which is good. Very good, really good, good enough to make her regret volunteering for this whole dumb scheme.

Not that she essentially came up with the whole grand scheme or anything. She’ll let Eret have that, from here on out, just to complain about how utterly unfair it is for Arvid to look so good.

“Yeah, oh.”

“So why are you here now?” He looks like he wants to smile but thinks better of it, because of course he’d never smile at her, of course that’s insane and a product of her awful morning causing hallucinations.

“Because it’s quiet, but then your house gave me like three splinters so…” She stands up, all at once, because this feels like something other than the argument she came for and she hasn’t thought through where it’s going yet. “So show up later. The Thorston place.”

“Yeah.” He narrows his eyes at her.

He doesn’t tell her to stay away from his house this time and she tries not to read into it.

She reads into it.

#festerverse #eret iii #arvelia #astrid #aurelia #THE CUTE #for the love of god

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