#this got very melodramatic. did not plan to get into most of that but i'm leaving anyway

[arielmagicesi]

Why am I leaving Tumblr?

OK, I'm done with all the stuff I was planning to do on here, and I said I would make a longer post explaining why I'm leaving. I don't owe anyone an explanation but I figured I would give a brief one (it turned out not so brief though).

I'm putting it under a read-more and giving the trigger warning now that I'm discussing bullying, suicide, self-harm, descriptions of mass violence, war, and various forms of bigotry.

It's very long. If your thought is "hell no I'm not reading all that shit" then you have one of two options: you can put me out of your mind and accept that you will never fully understand me and as such cannot really make judgments on who I am, or you can go apologize to your English teachers for being unable to read. (Or you can simply not read it but just, like, don't be a dick about what you assume I may have written.)

Tumblr is not good for my mental health. No social media is. I left Twitter years ago, and then Instagram, and then Tumblr. The only social media I really use is that I watch YouTube and I check Facebook for my handful of IRL friends and family on there.

I'm a member of the LGBT+ community and I have generally leftist politics. This means I was involved in the LGBT and leftist online communities on social media websites. They were probably the worst possible thing for my development as a lesbian and as an actually effective force for progressive change, and as a person with what is likely OCD, and who survived bullying (which, yes, is a serious issue and traumatic, fuck off). This website, combined with my own issues, and the community at Sarah Lawrence College, is what led me down a very dark path in college with trying to "prove I was a real lesbian and not a cringe freak who deserved bullying". The same for "trying to atone for my toxic, evil, problematic existence as a privileged person". Instead of embracing the beautiful complexities of queer identity and life, I made a new version of the closet to torture myself within. Instead of working to help my community with positive change, I stayed inside self-harming and planning suicide and refusing to seek help because I didn't deserve it because I was inherently marked with evil as a sinful member of the bourgeoisie, etc. etc.

I already, as a result of so many things, have issues where I am terrified to make mistakes, terrified to be seen as annoying or "bad". The culture on social media has made me so much more terrified to make any mistake, because mistakes = proof of Intentional Evil and apologies are just fake attempts to win back brownie points that I don't deserve. This attitude has hindered my recovery process so much. I think of it as like Statler and Waldorf, the hecklers from the Muppet Show, only instead of two old guys, it's two college students that I call Sarah and Lawrence (after my delightful fucking alma mater) who tell me that I should be first in line to the guillotine because I'm a teacher and teachers are "child cops" (I once read a post on here saying that "in a world with any real justice, teachers would be shot and dumped in mass graves", and I'd love to say that that was just one crazy outlier of a post) or that my food sensitivities are proof that I'm a toxic privileged demon because some people can't afford food so I should just die or whatever. Being on this website feeds Sarah and Lawrence with a thousand new hot takes they can use to torture me. And you know what, I don't deserve that. And if you think I deserve that, then you're wrong, and I don't care.

I do not like the form of leftism on this website. If this is what real leftism looks like- romanticizing gulags and guillotines, trying to figure out who the "Bad People" are and then sending them to those gulags and guillotines, carceral logic, cult-like communities- then feel free to call me a pathetic, spineless, centric, milquetoast liberal. My form of social justice looks like getting up every morning, driving to my job at a public high school, and teaching literacy and critical thinking to teenagers who need it. And when I come home, I rest and work on myself so I can learn more about the world I live in (about which I know woefully little, since I spent years educating myself on goddamn tumblr.edu instead of out of books and reputable news sources), and gain the energy to make my school community and larger community a safer, more inclusive place for everyone. If that's too fucking liberal for you, then I'll see you at the guillotine when the revolution comes and you're chopping my head off. Until then, leave me the fuck alone.

Now let's get to the actual part that may alienate me even from my friends. I hope this isn't the end of our friendships, and I hope you have the patience to read all of this before deciding to cut me off, and if you do decide to cut me off, I wish you all the best.

I am a Jew. Both my parents are Jewish. My mother is an Ashkenazi Jew whose parents narrowly escaped the Holocaust in Poland. My father is an Iranian Jew whose family had to escape Iran when he was eight because of the Revolution. Both sides of my family had been in those countries for as many centuries back as it is possible to trace. They were forced to escape or die. My maternal grandparents were both babies during the Holocaust, and their families took them to Russia. My maternal grandfather was shipped to a displaced persons camp and his family had no choice where they were taken. My maternal grandmother's family went back to Poland after the war, where they were treated so horrifically, due to being Jewish, that they chose to leave. My father's family, on the other hand, had been relatively prosperous in Iran (notwithstanding every couple of decades when a new regime would force them to go underground with their Judaism or be killed), but realized that the revolutionary government would likely mean death for them.

My maternal grandmother's family, my maternal grandfather's family, and my father's family all fled their countries of origin and went to the recently formed state of Israel. My mother and father grew up there. They met there, married, and moved to the United States, where I was born. They raised us as Jews. Many of my relatives on both sides, however, stayed in Israel and still live there.

As an adult, I do not think I am anywhere close to an expert on the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, but I have studied it a bit (I recommend Rashid Khalidi's The Hundred Years War on Palestine especially, and the work of Benny Morris). I certainly think I have more knowledge about it, based on what I've seen, than 95% of the fucking assholes on here posting about it. I'm not an expert on public policy or war, but my general opinion is that Israel was formed using settler-colonial tactics (which, to be clear, is bad), that the Palestinian refugee crisis never should have happened and that in a just world it would end and Palestinians would have right of return and right to safe and equal citizenship in their homeland, and that the current government of Israel is, I don't like saying the word evil (because I'm not a child watching a superhero cartoon) but they should be taken down, and their actions in Gaza are despicable.

HOWEVER. I do not think that every citizen of Israel is responsible for the crimes of its government. (Kind of like America is a settler colony but I don't think every single American citizen should be killed?) I do NOT fucking think that Israeli civilians deserve to be killed, bombed, tortured, or raped, because I do not think that any human deserves that, even "evil" ones, even if those actions are "resistance". I do not think that Jews in the diaspora deserve to be considered suspicious, to be interrogated for potential Zionism lurking beneath our skin, to be cast aside as problematic if we so much as suggest that we are frightened of antisemitism, to be told to shut up and suck it up if our synagogues and cultural centers are vandalized, threatened, shot up, because we deserve it for sharing heritage with Benjamin Netanyahu, and anyway it's sending a message and that's what revolution looks like, so maybe stop whining. That we need to stop whining about the Holocaust and that if any of us supports Israel or Zionism (which apparently means not wanting our family- our relatives who escaped MENA countries that no longer allow their Jewish citizens to live- to die horribly- apparently not cheering for the painful deaths of my family makes me a Zionist?), then maybe we deserve another Holocaust, and Hitler was right. That idk maybe there's something suspicious about the fact that Jews keep getting kicked out of countries, like maybe there's just something inherently vermin-like about us like idk if *I* kept getting oppressed I'd wonder if something was wrong with me, but idk I'm just a leftist who supports revolution and punch Nazis or whatever... That "NO ONE IS EVEN SAYING THAT, STOP WHINING" even though I have seen every one of those posts on this website, from nearly everyone I follow. (And the people who harassed my sister, who has been less frightened than I am over the past 7 months to admit she's Jewish on social media, and was told some truly vile personal things). (Oh, and the ten-year-old children I used to teach in Hebrew school, who got told "Hitler was right" on their TikTok accounts and got swastikas painted in their middle school in liberal New Jersey).

I am not just angry and frightened as a Jew, but as a teacher. Even those who don't spout antisemitism have not seemed to bother to educate themselves about the conflict before running to hit the reblog button because the post said that posting is the most important thing you can do, and I see y'all who don't reblog and that's really suspicious and if you don't reblog you must support genocide. If you studied the history of this conflict for five fucking seconds, you would not be saying shit like "We stand with Hamas", at least not if you give a shit about Palestinian rights. I was gonna write up a whole explanation of that but to be honest, while I hate the old Tumblr axiom "it's not my job to educate you! Google is free!" I honestly do stand by it in this case- I'm not gonna word these explanations well. I'll point you instead to the two authors I recommended above- Rashid Khalidi and Benny Morris. Khalidi is a Palestinian scholar and Morris is one of the Israeli "New Historians" who believes in telling the truth, not Israeli propaganda. I, on the other hand, am just some idiot who cares about things like Palestinian lives, Palestinian autonomy, Jewish lives, Jewish autonomy, Arab independence, fighting antisemitism, fighting Islamophobia, education, and the stupidest thing of all, according to this god-awful website: peace. So don't listen to me. But don't just listen to whatever Internet user is angriest.

And stop advocating for mass deaths and tortures. And stop just hitting the reblog button because you're being guilted into it. I am not saying that posting CAN'T be helpful. In my week of being back on this website briefly, I've seen people sharing verified links to sources to donate to Gazans in need, or support for solidarity movements between Israelis and Palestinians.* That's a great example of posting being helpful. And despite my personal distaste for political discussion on social media, I know there are people capable of doing it well- sharing news thoughtfully, discussing the best methods of dealing with it, etc. But seeing my own people being tossed into the fucking machine of "There's A Certain Heritage That Are All Either Oppressors Or On Thin Ice, and We Need To Guillotine Them, Or Else We're Oppressors Too And Should Die" has shown me even more clearly than before that something is deeply wrong about the way we approach social justice on social media.

(*yes, solidarity between Israelis and Palestinians. Israelis are not a monolithic oppressor block, and Palestinians are not required to lie down and just take their oppression until Americans save them with posting. They are all human beings and are allowed to work together to stop what I think is the true problem, the governments treating their lives as pawns.)

I don't know enough about the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. (Or quite honestly, a lot of the real-world issues I used to "just reblog" about). Chances are, neither do you. But I at least know that I will never give in to hatred and prejudice and thirst for violence. I will never sit back and be fine with the acts of the Israeli government and military simply because they share my heritage, and even with the terrible burden of knowing with more and more clarity every day how viciously the world, even my friends and allies, view my people. That will never excuse what Israel is doing, and I know that I disagree with many of my fellow Jews on this point. But I will also not be bullied into giving up my values- kindness, equality, peace, love for humanity- by somebody telling me that if I value nonviolence, if I don't believe in the dichotomy of "enemy race vs. good race", I must be a secret Zionist/neoliberal/etc, and thus an oppressor. I know who I really am and I know what my values are. If you don't like that, and we used to be friends, please do me the justice of at least letting me know before blocking me or whatnot.

I'm sorry this post was so long. I tend to ramble. I plan to log off. If you would like to contact me about this post, I suggest you don't unless we were already mutuals/friends and I gave you my contact anyway. If you aren't my mutual/friend but you truly must tell me something, I've created a blog called arielmagicesi.blogspot.com and there's one post on there and you can comment there.

FINAL THING:

Most of this post is me appealing as a leftist, a Jew, a human being. I'd like to appeal as a friend. I have been terrified, like constant-nightmares-and-panic-attacks-for-months terrified, of my friends turning on me if they found out all of this. I'm pretty sure there's at least one or two old friends of mine who, because they know that my parents grew up in Israel and I haven't disowned my parents, probably no longer want to be friends, and maybe even think of me as an enemy. If you do want to stop being friends with me because of this, please be direct. If you don't, just keep it in mind- not in a "develop an anxiety complex about Ariel's hurt feelings" way but in a "be careful how you talk about Jews on social media, if possible" way.

[snailsrneat]

Yandere Vil Schoenheit Headcanons

. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁

TW: Kidnapping, Stalking, Posioning

-----------------------------

I think if anyone got literally any of the overblot boys as their yandere they'd be pretty fucked.

Mostly because the overblot boys hold a lot of power and have tons of magic.

Vil, specifically, however is one of the few who won't ever use his magic on you.

No instead he'll just use potions on you (:

When you two first met, it wasn't exactly love first sight, more like first word.

Cause when he saw you, he wasn't impressed.

'This is the prefect everyone's been so obsessed over? Really?'

He honestly thought that you'd be more impressive, more magnificent and elegant if you will.

His first impression of you however immediately changed when you had begun barking orders at fellow freshman in an attempt to defeat him.

Never once has he seen a freshman, one as weak you, calling the shots amongst the student body.

Something must be different with you. And he had to figure out what.

From then onward he recruits Rook to spy on you and learn what your day-to-day patterns are like.

In the process Rook also listens in and learns all your secrets. All of which he reports to Vil.

The Vil learns about you the more he falls in love with you.

He obsesses over every single detail of you, from little moles in unseen places to the formation of stress wrinkles crowding over your forehead.

Every minute detail that he can find, he wants pepper with kisses and tell you just how weak in the knees you make him.

A part if him feels silly for getting weak for someone as mediocre as you, but the other half of him wants to steal you away and lock you in his bedroom so you never have to be troubled by those horrible boys you call "Friends".

In fact...that's a fantastic idea! Why hasn't he thought of this before? That way he can watch you up close.

No longer will he need Rook to do all his stalking, not when you're already here and so close.

When he kidnaps you he does it under the guise of you try a new tea blend he was given. But, unfortunately for you, the tea just so happens to be spiked.

"Oh no! I'm so sorry dear, I didn't think one of my own fans would try to spike my tea! Here let me help you get to the infirmary~"

He's an actor so he's very good at being melodramatic.

Instead of waking up in the infirmary, you wake up his bedroom, with your arms chained to the bed posts and dressed in expensive satin pajamas.

When Vil comes into the room and notices your struggling, he chides you for bruising you beautiful skin.

He doesn't release you from the chains, but he does his best to keep you comfortable.

"Only the best for you, darling. You shouldn't worry yourself with such needless things. What you should be thinking of is me, and only me. Understand?"

If you ever try to escape, don't.

I'm warning you, if Vil catches you trying to escape it'll be worse than just staying chained to his bed all day.

It's even more terrible if you've been getting "closer" with him recently, because now he knows that he shouldn't trust you fully. Ever.

If he catches you, he'll no longer allow you to be comfortable.

Instead of that nice comfortable bed, you sleep in a dog cage in the corner of his room.

And the days have started to blur together now, he started poisoning your food to make sure you don't do anything.

Most days your too tired to anything, let alone fight back or come up with escape plans.

If he has to start treating you like a baby he doesn't mind, he likes making you depend entirely on him.

"You know you did this to yourself, right? Trying to escape was a foolish endeavor and you must face the consequences of your actions..aw, you're crying darling. Don't cry, it'll give you wrinkles. Don't worry my love, this hurts me more than it hurts you. Now drink this."

-----------------------------

[mikuni14]

4 Minutes - Ep 8

THIS IS WHAT I'VE BEEN TALKING ABOUT ALL THE TIME IN MY DFF POSTS!!! About bearing the consequences of your actions, about the fact that absolution and forgiveness cannot be given without admitting to sins and evil done and penance.

None of the guys in DFF did this, although they felt more or less guilty. But guilt alone is not enough, you can't make amends to the wronged with just your feelings alone. That's why Great turning away from his parents, from the money, going to the police and admitting what he did is so important to me. It was also perfectly emphasized by the neon wings 💯

I rate the finale highly, it was a very good ending (apart from what happened to Tonkla, poor Fuaiz, ​​his characters always end badly, undeservedly, and White and Tonkla just wanted to be left in peace and be happy). The scene with him, Korn and Win was somehow funny and sopa-opera style: those guys crying, fighting for Tonkla's affections, who just stands there so resigned, disappointed and a bit bored with the drama… The ending of his storyline was very melodramatic which is why I couldn't fully connect with the characters in this scene. And just like in DFF, I was hoping that Fuaiz's character would be the final girl, eh… (I'll be honest: I expected Tonkla to have some plan and eventually walk off into the sunset with a bag of money and leave Korn and Win compromised and arrested *sigh* a girl can dream). It's very sad that Dome and Tonkla, although they deserved everything, got nothing but death. But it also leaves us to wonder what Tonkla's life would be like after all those murders, without the last, solid, good "anchor" in his life - Dome. And in the end, it turned out that both Korn and Win were completely useless, hopeless and ineffective 🙄😒 What a loseres, Tonkla deserved better.

I really liked the solution to the mystery of the "clock" room, that it was an art installation. And that Great was so in character in that scene: avoiding, running away from responsibility and anything that would require him to make a decision, take action, even as simple as calling an ambulance.

I also like that in his idealized version Great is always active and doing good. And that in real life, after waking up, he tries to be his ideal version.

I also like that he discusses his plans with Tyme. I like the calm, everyday, ordinary romanticism of their relationship.

I liked that Tyme didn't give up trying to get to Great. Not giving up in love, not giving up on the beloved is one of my favorite tropes in BL series, it makes me believe in commitment and love between the characters 😊

I love the scene when the cat interrupts their kiss and Tyme just smiles fondly, THIS IS TRUE LOVE, when he/she likes your cat 🐱

Doctor Den and his game? Perfection. Well, he seduced Lukwa - and me! lol. Also him as a good friend - it was so nice. Was that the song from KinnPorsche at the end? What a nice touch!

And I'm most happy that we have a happy ending. I was 99% sure that they were both going to die and I was even fine with this. Because I couldn't imagine accepting Tyme and Great living HEA without Great suffering the consequences for what he did to Dome's dead body (and I was convinced that would have happened if Great had survived, so many series has disappointed me recently, why would this one be different 😑). So I would rather see him dead than alive and not suffering the consequences, because I couldn't feel sympathy for him and his HEA would be UNDESERVED. That he survived and can enjoy Tyme's love, I fully accepted only after seeing him in front of the police station and when his guilt became public. This kind of HEA is deserved and acceptable😊

[elizabethrobertajones]

"I'm so relieved to have you at my side, my loves," G'raha declared. "The fate of the star was not just in my hands, but yours too, and I cannot say how proud I am of us."

"Even me?" asked Frog, as Erenville rolled his eyes and tried not to look affected by the praise, despite the please twitch of his ears.

"Even you and the Gleaners did your part, Bounding Frog."

Day 5: Alternate Universe | In Another Life

"Oh, I don't think much about alternate universes except joke ones where Frog runs off with the Fuath but there's not like any lore or anything - Oh my god that one time Frog trolled Erenville by pretending to be a new Gleaner." *immediately comes up with 3 pages of backstory*

Anyway meet fucked up Allagan bloodline Erenville, Gleaner Frog and Warrior of Light G'raha :D (I really ought to have made Frog's colour scheme without the pink but it's so much a part of her I forgot it's from her Azem legacy until long after I posed and took the picture :P Really, G'raha should have pink highlights and a pink eye since I only have 1 canon Azem who is the forebear of any WoL in any AU I have and they have the Blessing of Pastel Pink Aesthetics they pass on)

Not a canon relationship as of the current waning days of Endwalker we're in and I can feel Frog trying to kill me with her mind for putting her this close to Erenville because this is currently her Nemesis and I am being a very bad blorbo caretaker by shipping them before plot has elapsed... But Erenville doesn't scare me as much as Y'shtola does so I can get away with it as long as Frog can't become so OP she can reach out of the fourth wall and murder me :P May be a level 100 ability but I hope the narrative gives me an opportunity to set her up with Erenville before then. And of course I ship G'rerenville 5eva.

WoL!G'raha's special interest wouldn't just be Allagan horrors but ALL the horrors and he'd know the most about manipulating aether for combat against primals and how to kill them all. It's joked that Hydaelyn blessed him with the Echo because she wanted to spare him bothering Krile with any more questions and tests and puzzles, and gave him the Blessing of Light so he could go off and do his own research. He made a beeline for the Scions of the Seventh Dawn and became their champion with a try hard attitude and known for his enthusiastic thumbs up whenever tasked with the hardest task.

Erenville diligently and quietly studied all he could on Allagan Horrors to learn what his family's dark secret was, but never made it too well known why he was studying it, or that his one gold one red eyes were anything strange. However, his quiet competence got him sent to Erozea to help Rammbroes, and despite all his attempts to lay low, he found himself there at the unlocking of the Crystal Tower, learning way too much about himself in front of people who couldn't unhear it, and pushed along by an over-enthusiastic Warrior of Light who could not shut up about how great an advantage such a magical connection could be. Still, Erenville is calm and professional and when the time came and he knew there was no other way, he shooed the Sons of St Coinach out of the Tower and looked almost dispassionately over his shoulder to G'raha and bid him farewell.

The Exarch was, of course, 1000x more impenetrably vague and annoying but - and this was rather difficult for the Exarch to handle - the huge dark ears sticking out of his hood did give G'raha a hint about who he may be dealing with, though he suspected all sorts of terrible things like Allagan clone or robot and so on before daring to hope it was truly Erenville - when he realised the plan was to tidily pack himself and the Light away with a minimum of melodrama and fuss. This was mostly because of the extremely intricate plans for running the Crystarium in his absence that Erenville had bequeathed before they left for Mt Gulg. It was all just too like him.

G'raha made a ten times more melodramatic intervention while actively coughing up Light everywhere, but Emet-Selch is going to Emet-Selch and can't stand the Warrior of Light being as big a drama queen as he is so he just shoots Erenville and kidnaps him to the Tempest because he's fed up of G'raha talking and posing. A rescue was mounted, love confessed, everyone forgave everyone and cried a lot etc etc.

Erenville joined the Scions after that and provided a sensible counterpoint, inexplicably becoming close to Alisaie (she reminds him of Wuk Lamat but he still hasn't disclosed an onze of backstory).

When they come to Sharlayan for help to stop the final days, they meet an over-worked but still cheerful Gleaner who can lift a whole Troll over her shoulder, and is very helpful and friendly winking and showing them the secret paths. Of course, Bounding Frog is a born Gleaner - she's loved animals forever and had mapped the whole mountain ecosystem around her home village. Sent to Sharlayan by her parents to study the things she loves, she'd quickly risen through the ranks of the Gleaners to become one of their trustiest hands.

She did see through G'raha hopping around as a frog instantly, and on hearing of the incident Erenville only wryly said "I'm sure I could have played a better toad." This could not be disputed, as Y'shtola refused to cast the spell frivolously to settle their debate.

Frog kept in contact and kept them updated on events in Sharlayan once they left to take the fight to the Telophoroi and kept them updated on the Blasphemies once the final days began; by the time G'raha returned from Elpis having learned of an Azem somehow even more annoying that the most annoying interpretation of Azem you've previously heard of, they had all become very fond of one another. By the time they set off for the stars, G'raha and Erenville had admitted to each other they both had a huge crush on the huge Gleaner, and she in turn was waiting for their return more anxious for them than the entire fate of the star.

And of course once they came back from Ultima Thule, Frog's only problem was working out which one of them to smooch first, before carrying G'raha off somewhere quiet to sit and hug and be extremely relieved and happy together :')

[harborpointeblvd]

I watched every GMMTV BL series (so far) in four months for science or whatever

I had never seen a single GMMTV drama before 2024 and now I know the ages of all the actors. So I'm doing great.

I'm gonna talk at you about some shows for a while, starting with 2016/2017.

2018 2019 2020

Senior Secret Love: Puppy Honey* - 2016

*Not technically a BL, but I included it because it got an episode of Our Skyy.

Fourth year veterinary students, Porsche (Kang Korn Sirisorn) and Pick (Off Jumpol) belong to an animal rescue club that is at risk of termination. In order to save it, they hatch a plan to convince the dean’s niece, Emma (Cherreen Nachjaree), to join their club. The only problem is that Emma is deathly afraid of dogs. Pick enlists the help of Emma’s best friend Rome (Gun Atthaphan) to change her mind.

This series was boring, but at least it’s only six episodes. Porsche and Emma are fine together, although the climax of their story is a tad melodramatic and the drama is pretty avoidable. Pick and Rome’s relationship doesn’t develop much. Their dynamic is basically: Pick picks on Rome and Rome likes it. They do have the most ridiculous water fight scene I’ve ever seen in my life, so there's that.

How to flirt.

SOTUS - 2016

All first year engineering students are subjected to the SOTUS system before they can be recognized by their faculty seniors. First year student Kongpob (Singto Prachaya) challenges the hazing team’s methods, making him the target of third year hazing leader Arthit (Krist Perawat). Through their repeated encounters, the two start to understand each other better.

I guess this is worth watching for the lore or whatever, but seriously, this series was so over-hyped. They’re very sweet once they get together, but I thought Kongpob chased Arthit for too long. Whenever a romance starts off very one-sided like this one did, I always wish the pursuer would just back off. As for the hazing plot, there were clearly cultural differences that factored into my enjoyment of the series. College hazing is illegal where I live, so I wasn't sold on the "there are good intentions on both sides" narrative.

The lore.

Senior Secret Love: Puppy Honey 2* - 2017

*Still not technically a BL

A continuation of Puppy Honey. Porsche (Kang Korn Sirisorn) has taken an internship in the countryside, leaving Emma (Cherreen Nachjaree) feeling neglected. She finds comfort in her brother’s childhood friend Night (Krist Parawat), while Porsche finds companionship with Friend (Namtan Tipnaree). Meanwhile, Rome (Gun Attaphan) knows that Pick (Off Jumpol) has feelings for him, but Pick is in denial, until their former club member Din (Sing Harit) steps in as a love rival.

This series was a chore to get through**. I thought Emma was really selfish for guilt-tripping Porsche about taking the internship, but Porsche is treated like the selfish one for taking the internship. I ended up watching most of their scenes in x1.5 speed. Pick and Rome’s story was cute, although Pick is a dick throughout most of it and a lot of his bad behavior is never addressed or blamed on other characters. Emma and Rome’s friendship, which gave the first season a lot of its charm, was practically non-existent, which was disappointing. Also, the title sequence is absurdly long. Did no one tell them they don’t have to use the whole song?

**No one was making me watch this, I did this to myself.

Emma's brother hiding inconspicuously behind a tree.

Water Boyy - 2017

Waii (Earth Pirapat) is the captain of his college’s swim club, but refuses to compete because of a strained relationship with his father, the coach. He is forced to share a dorm room with Apo (New Thitipoom), a new club member who is a longtime admirer of his father. Pan (Piglet Charada) makes fast enemies with their new club tutor, Fah (White Nawat), but tries to play nice with him when she discovers that her new crush, Namkhaeng (Ciize Rutricha) is his childhood friend. Min (Victor Chatchawit) transfers to the swim club from the track club after an injury and must prove his loyalty to his new teammates. But this proves difficult when he starts to develop feelings for Wan (Fon Sananthachat), a girl with a vendetta against the club.

Ho ly shit. All aboard the Hot Mess Express. If I had tried watching all of these shows in the order they aired, I probably would’ve quit after this one. This review is gonna contain some spoilers. And TW for sexual assault.

So Waii sexually assaults Apo in the fourth episode. It’s very blatantly assault and is never addressed, and they still fall in love. Also, Waii has a girlfriend who he just strings along for the entire series.

Waii had a falling out with his father after he got together with Waii’s former team member and best friend, and everyone tries to force him to forgive them and accept the relationship. Like, Waii is wrong for a lot of things, but not for that. It’s also shown that the affair negatively affected the whole team and caused them to waste school funding that should have gone to other clubs, but Waii is the selfish one for being mad about it. Am I supposed to agree with what they’re telling me or what I’m seeing?

Next, Pan is stated to be a lesbian in the first episode. She chases after a girl throughout the whole series, then ends up with a guy. I want to give them the benefit of the doubt, because I’m not Thai and things get lost in translation. It felt like lesbian erasure nonetheless. And for what? For Fah? I could not tell you a single thing about Fah. Who's choosing him over Ciize? Smh.

Honestly, the show would have been better if they got rid of the three main pairs and just made it about the side characters Kluay and Achi.

Cannot be disproven.

My Dear Loser: Edge of 17* - 2017

*Not a BL, but included because it got an episode of Our Skyy.

Oh (Nanon Korapat) is tormented daily by a group of bullies led by Copper (Plustor Pronpiphat). The only thing that makes school bearable is Oh’s neighbor, Peach (Jane Ramida), who also happens to be Copper’s girlfriend. New student Sun (Chimon Wachirawit) becomes a new target for the bullies on his first day when he stands up for Oh. But when Copper’s friend In (Pluem Purim) has a falling out with the gang, he quickly grows close to Sun.

This series started out pretty rough. For the first couple episodes, Oh is just stiff walking and strained grimaces. Not to mention, he’s creepy. He does get better as he comes into his own, and I actually found myself rooting for him, especially after his breaking point when he fights back against Copper. The bullying that leads to said breaking point is pretty horrible to watch and the punishment is definitely not doled out fairly, so it really made me feel for Oh. The BL in this series is sparse. There’s a whole love triangle between Sun, In and their friend Ainam (who is the best character in this series) which didn’t feel completely resolved by the end. Both actors did a great job, but it still felt like a one-sided romance. Overall, I didn't hate the series, and even enjoyed it at times.

A true love triangle goes three ways, otherwise it's just a love V.

SOTUS S - 2017

A continuation of SOTUS.

Arthit (Krist Perawat) has graduated and has just been assigned a new position in his company. While he wants to support Kongpob (Singto Prachaya), who is now in his third year and the new leader of the now reformed SOTUS hazing team, the demands of his job start to take a toll on their relationship.

This was okay as a sequel. They brought back almost the entire cast, which is nice, but they kind of wasted them. I think it was a mistake to focus so heavily on the hazing team in the first few episodes, just to drop them entirely halfway through the series. Episode six felt too far into the series to introduce a new character and side pair. If they wanted to add another side pair, they could have just used one of Kongpob’s friends. Like Prae? Give Prae a girlfriend that we actually get to see for more than twelve seconds. I’m glad they gave Tew some focus, because I liked him in the first series, but the guy they paired him with was annoying. M and May were really cute in the first series, but now M is telling May not to wear shorts and to gain weight so other guys don’t look at her and it’s fucking weird. As for the main couple, a lot of their drama just stems from lack of communication on both parts, which is annoying, but I kinda liked the fallout from it. (But that’s just my mental illness speaking. I will sometimes return even to shows I didn’t like just to watch the penultimate episode breakup. It’s cathartic.)

OffGun fanservice.

I'm putting all of these series on a tier list. It will get better later. I promise I'm not always this negative.

Soulmate - The One. Like he was created for me, specifically. Sugar Daddy - He may not have it all, but he knows how to spoil me. Friend With Benefits - Despite my better judgment, I went and caught feelings. Second Lead - All my friends love him, but I don’t feel the spark. Overeager Pursuer - Tries to be cute but just gets on my nerves. Vindictive Ex - It’s like he’s punishing me for knowing I could do better. Love Rival - Literally what did I do to deserve this? -

[talesofsorrowandofruin]

The Great OC Alphabet Caper: Deceit Edition

(Credit to @sleepyowlwrites for this idea)

For characters introduced in the other books, see these posts: The Unfortunate Moth • Silver Glass • Mine Eyes Dazzle • There Stands a Spectre • The Tempest and the Night

Characters who first appeared in Houses Full of Deceit, in alphabetical order:

Ji-hun

Name: An Ji-hun (안 지훈)

Age/Pronouns: 30s(?), he/him

Brief physical description: Look at Lee Dong-wook in Strangers From Hell, imagine him in 1910s clothes, and you've got Ji-hun:

Brief list of defining traits: Complete monster. The sort of person who kills children, cuts off fingers, and hunts detectives across the world.

Excerpt:

"I was hired to kill that family. I found out they were related to you, so I thought it would be fun to hunt you down too." Yo-han tried to wrap his mind around this. "So you chased me for months… for fun?" An's smile returned. It was almost like talking to someone with a comedy mask tied to their face. "This was the most fun I've had in years. I'm almost sorry to kill you." His finger moved. Yo-han ducked. An shifted his aim to follow. The problem with actors was that they had an irritating tendency towards the melodramatic. Even worse, it was contagious. If Yo-han had been consulted, he would have asked for reinforcements before the nick of time. Unfortunately he hadn't been consulted. Fortunately the nick of time did just as well. Phil flung the dining room door open. She aimed her gun at An. "Drop it!" An started. He pulled the trigger. The bullet buried itself in the floorboard at his feet.

Trivia:

He started out as a minor character in Like Snow on Hungry Graves. I had to cut his subplot, then decided to reuse his character in a completely different setting. (How different? Well, apart from the fantasy versus realistic settings, in TCOSYH he's by far the worst character to appear on-page. In LSOHG, he would have shared most of his scenes with two characters who are worse.)

He gets killed off very abruptly for such a major villain. This is because of several plot changes. The denouement was supposed to happen in Scotland, for example, and the lead-up to his death would have taken an entire chapter

His surname is a reference to South Korean actor Ahn Nae-sang, and his personal name is a reference to Ji-hoon/Ji-hun from Psychopath Diary

Avington

Name: Timothy Avington

Age/Pronouns: 40s, he/him

Brief physical description: No specific description

Brief list of defining traits: Tries to start a war for fun and profit (his own, obviously). Arranged the Hastings murders because Mr. Hastings found out too much about his plan. Gets killed off in record time

Excerpt:

The Avington family had prided themselves on living in the most fashionable district in London. Unfortunately, that had been before people started asking awkward questions like "How could you afford those jewels when they cost more than your husband's yearly salary?". Now they had to content themselves with a modest house in an unfashionable district. Timothy Avington hated it. Something had gone wrong with his plans ever since Hastings confronted him. Hastings was dead now, but the bloody fool of an assassin just had to kill the wife and children too. Now the Japanese had lost interest in his scheme. His friend Jeong was suspected of taking bribes. He felt like he was living in a house of cards about to collapse around him. It was a sunny day in early May when the collapse came.

Trivia:

I got his surname from a name generator. His first name is borrowed from one of my relatives

The main change I'm planning for the second draft: giving him more to do! As it is he appears out of nowhere then dies

Mrs. Hastings

Name: Seo Eun-a (서 은아), Una Hastings (adopted name)

Age/Pronouns: 40s, she/her

Brief physical description: None

Brief list of defining traits: Never appears because she and her family are killed in the prologue. Yo-han's cousin

Excerpt: None

Trivia:

Another change I'm planning for the second draft: she'll appear at least once before her death

She's mentioned in passing in Mine Eyes Dazzle (where she's alive and well, because it's a prequel)

Mr. Jeong

Name: Jeong Dong-sik (정 동식)

Age/Pronouns: 50s, he/him

Brief physical description: None

Brief list of defining traits: Avington's co-conspirator. Tries to kill Yo-han. Never actually appears but is presumed to have died off-screen

Excerpt: None

Trivia:

His personal name is a reference to Dong-sik from Psychopath Diary

Another change I'm planning for the second draft: he'll actually appear. I'm hoping to have him and Avington both killed by Ji-hun, which would be very fitting (but hard to work out when they're on different continents...)

Adding the general Case-files taglist: @akindofmagictoo, @sam-glade, @sarahlizziewrites, @oh-no-another-idea, @cljordan-imperium,

@mrbexwrites, @lightgriffinsect (Let me know if you want to be added/removed!)

[samael-your-guardian-angel]

Meanwhile, at the Ritz...

God, it was a huge relief to finally have a bit of breathing space.

Not that Samael didn't enjoy spending time with all his new friends. But if he had to spend one more night in a sleeping bag or with his face mashed against Asmodeus' tickly neck rufflly-thing, he'd go spare. Again. There were only so many mongoose zoomies he could do without getting bored of those, too. It was blessedly clear out when Samael and Asmodeus finally left Crowley's flat together- no holy water raining from the sky, thank goodness. Samael was sure that Momo would have rather risked a mere umbrella than even try Samael's genius hamster ball idea.

And it was so nice to finally have some "us time" with precious Momo. Samael quickly fell into his old habit of staring and watching Asmodeus enjoy several courses of fine dining, now openly fixated on Mo's mouth. He couldn't help it, really. Now that Samael finally knew what it was like to kiss Asmodeus, he was utterly fixated on Asmodeus' lips, and he was too besotted to hide it anymore.

He'd never known what it was like to want so much before. Was this how humans beings felt? How on earth did they go walking around like this? It was a miracle anybody got anything done.

It was driving Samael to distraction, which is why he didn't remember The Very Important Thing until after he and Asmodeus had checked into their room and set up Eric's presents (what a sweetie!) around the place. Samael was filling up his new little watering can in the bathroom sink when he remembered, and promptly dropped it. It clattered loudly in the sink, so loud it made Asmodeus look up from his wire brushes and salt-and-lemon paste.

"Are you alright in there, dear angel?"

"Yeah," Samael said, thinking about the Very Important Thing and all its implications.

"Did you fall in the sink?"

"Very funny," Samael said, and left the watering can where it lay. There was no easy way to say it, so he stuck his head out of the bathroom and said bluntly, "There's zombies now."

Asmodeus froze in place, like a statue dedicated to cleaning centuries-old dirt off of Roman coins. "I'm sorry, what?"

Samael came back into the bedroom and flopped melodramatically on the carpet. It was very soft, plush, five-star carpet - much more comfortable than Crowley's concrete floors.

"We accidentally made zombies happen," Samael moaned. "Well. I didn't. Technically, Yeshua did. But I didn't realise until I saw the newspaper on my phone. People can't die, and now anyone who should becomes a zombie instead, and - they're gonna go around eating people, and then those people will become zombies, and-" Samael made an explosion noise. "-it's going to turn into Dawn of the bloody Dead out there!"

Asmodeus did not blink.

"We should've just gone home. I should've just brought you home," Samael continued to lament. "I meant to. Meant to drive over here, grab you, drive back- only I ended up passing out 'cause I just had to bring my car with me, and that was too much, and now Eric's phone's gone by now and we can't go home-"

"Yes, we can," Asmodeus interrupted.

Samael sat up.

"What do you mean, we can?"

"We can call my workshop's landline and go back anytime," Asmodeus continued, coolly. Samael stared at him.

"I thought we could only go back through Eric's phone."

"Apparently, we can go back through any of them," Asmodeus said.

"Oh, when did you figure that out? Were you planning to share that with the class anytime soon?" Samael exclaimed, agitated.

"Don't start- I was only just told myself. Yes, told, by the Unmighty-" Asmodeus rolled his eyes as Samael fell back to the carpet, groaning. "I think it was the most polite "please pack up and go, you're overstaying your welcome" I've ever received, if that's what She meant. She even told us how to close the gate behind us."

Samael stared up at the ceiling.

"Why are we still at the bloody Ritz, then?"

"Well- I wasn't sure if we should leave. I've been trying to help with this mystery, you know-"

"It's not our mystery. It's not our world," Samael said. "Ugh, and I could have gone back to water the rest of my plants- they're probably all dead by now-"

"Are the plants really the priority here?"

Samael flapped his hands. "I don't know! I don't know if we're making things worse by staying! If Enoch finds out I was the one who wrote his human name in the Book-"

"How on Earth would he find that out? He can't figure out a shopping cart on his own-"

"If God - doesn't matter which one if She's still God - hinted strongly for us to leave-"

"You cannot possibly be suggesting that we just abandon everyone to deal with the zombie apocalypse on their own."

"We don't have to close the gate behind us!" Samael got up and started pacing. "We can leave it open as a contingency, or even just so we can still ring and chat to everyone-"

"Potential zombie apocalypse aside-" Asmodeus said, putting a hand up. "It might be safer for us here."

"How the Hell would it be safer for us here?"

"Well, somebody from back home sent me here," Asmodeus said. "Someone back home wanted me gone, or us separated, and if we went back and anything happened to you-"

Samael rested his forehead against the nearest wall. "I don't want to be at another bloody impasse, Mo."

"We don't have to decide right now," Asmodeus said. "Hence the Ritz. We can sleep on it, at least, in a proper bed at that."

"Good fucking idea," Samael grumbled, and flopped on the mattress. Asmodeus rolled his eyes again, and returned to his work.

[petrichoraline]

Tag 9 people you want to get to know better

i did this some time ago but most answers are gonna be different so let's go!! thank youu, @fangirlmedstudentblog and @markpakin 💞

Three Ships

TinnGun - no surprises here, these two have become everyone's comfort couple so quickly

HiraKiyoi - again, not a shocker in the slightest, they are my insane comfort bfs

DaisyIntouch - in honour of opp's viral moment with The7's Get Loose i can't not mention the most gentle, sweetest couple in SCOY; i wish their arc was handled a bit better, it felt rushed by the end; they're amazing nonetheless

First Ever Ship

let's go with first bl ship (live action) which i beliiieeve is kenji and shiro from kinou nani tabeta? and if it's not them it might be junjae and takuya from the lover

Last Song

Last Movie

i procrastinated on this just so the answer would be worth it (cause i watched a mediocre french movie but mostly didn't pay attention and that didn't sound like a good answer); the movies i saw today instead of the indian movie im procrastinating on seeing:

She's Dating the Gangster (2014) - this philippino movie made me realise that netflix's "true love" category should've been called "heartbreak" but they renamed it so well

the intros and summaries truly suck because i thought i was going into a light "fake dating" romcom with a pair of cute silly teens as the leads! what i got instead was so sad and a tad bit melodramatic that at the end i didn't know how to feel.. i did cry though! i was hanging in there and yet it got me; it's a sweet movie, although it could be overwhelming, and i would recommend it! it's kind of my fave out of the three, i wasn't too sure how it was gonna end too; one really strong point is the sweet twist on the makeover trope that the movie doesn't even use to promote itself, it's kinda naturally in there and it made me so happy

Jumping From High Places (2022) - this italian romantic-but-more-about-self-growth movie about a young woman with anxiety was not technically confusing but it had me bored halfway through (again, the sample video thingy netflix shows had an energy that imo was not there throughout the film, i found it misleading); i'm just happy i picked up on smth that is probably supposed to be a surprising reveal hehe; i wouldn't not recommend it, i feel like it could be relatable and a sweet experience for some

Your Place or Mine (2023) - a typical hollywood movie, what can i say, it's been pushed onto me and i was kinda interested, gonna lie if i say the cast wasn't a part of the reason i caved in (i'm curious bout what kutcher and witherspoon are doing now, yeah);

i think it's kinda bland, it had some good sentiments but at the end i found the female lead too unlikeable and the story kind of stretched out and a bit rushed at the same time (maybe it was actually well paced and a proper length, just not my thing, that's possible. the gray overlay (?) was so depressing though, even her bright and green home felt awfully unwelcoming)

Currently Watching

literally only My School President lol everything else is in either "on-hold", "plan to watch" or "have to catch up on!!"

Currently Reading

oh how i want to say svsss vol.2 but i'm stuck once again, i mostly read long posts and student books, not even manga

Currently Consuming

"too much media at once in theory and not nearly as much in practice" is a valid answer, isn't it lol

Currently Craving

more convos w moots ig

i might be tagging people who have done it or don't like tag games, it's very hard to track these sometimes so sorry 🫶 @hello-n-goodbye @himbodelamain @soundgun @sillsif @jingyanwang @catwalkninja @catboyjosten @belladonna-and-the-sweetpeas @chinzhillababy

[bronanlynch]

once again it's "what the fuck did I do this week" time

listening (podcast): there was a new episode of Media Club Plus this week. lots of good smart conversations, including Jack saying some incredibly insightful things about the music that I would never have noticed on my own

somehow forgot to mention the all-timer of a Palisade episode from last week, which was somehow completely blown out of the water by the even more all-timer of a Palisade episode that dropped this week. jesus christ. how do they keep doing it like this. the most recent ep is very special to me personally though, on account of how [MAJOR PALISADE EP 29 SPOILERS] my favorite character is back <3 and also everything about Dahlia was perfect to me. I genuinely think it's very good that most of the antagonists this season lean more into the evil of empire as something mundane & bureaucratic in a way that makes it more terrifying. however. I also love to see an antagonist who is evil in the more melodramatic, fucked up & twisted anime villain monologue kind of way

listening (music): the only music I listened to this week was so many anime openings & endings. there are many things that can be said about Persona 5 The Animation and also Persona 5 more generally but the music does slap. I realize this is a basic opinion but Rivers in the Desert is the boss battle music of all time tbh

reading: as usual, same two books as last week. Rule of Wolves briefly gets a lot more fun when other Six of Crows characters show up, reminding me that I would much rather be reading about Kaz than any of these other people. also, I'm once again irritated by the complete lack of worldbuilding around queerness. there are implications that Fjerda doesn't approve of lesbians, which makes sense since they're obsessed with maintaining rigid binary gender roles. but never at any point do we learn shit about like, queer culture anywhere, or what the situation is like in other countries

I'm getting near the end of Water Outlaws, which still fucking rules. the chapters I read this week had a bunch of fun stuff with strategy & siege defenses. and also as usual some sick fight scenes

watching: still keeping up with Bakeoff. I was legitimately surprised that Dan stayed on after his bread was barely edible but I am thrilled for Tasha getting star baker because I love her and everything she makes looks so good. also in general bread week is always one of my favorite because I often find the dessert concepts too sweet for my personal taste but I fucking love bread

forgot to mention that we watched the last episode of the Ahsoka show last week. this is because it was fairly forgettable and I was- well, disappointed is the wrong word because I didn't have any expectations but anyway. the fight choreography was so clunky and had a bunch of weird pauses, and if you're not going to give me good writing you better at least give me cool visuals, so that was unfortunate

watched another three episodes of Hunter x Hunter to keep up with Media Club Plus, and I'm realizing that I was not remembering incorrectly when I thought that I hadn't actually seen this bit because I have no fucking memory of any of this except the scene of Killua ripping a guy's heart out, which I distinctly remember being shown out of context (I started watching HxH with some friends who were already partway through the first arc, and then went back to watch the first few episodes later but I guess never got to where I started)(something pretty significant happened in the first episode I ever saw so I'll know when I get there). anyway. epic highs and lows of this show, Killua rips a guy's heart out of his chest, Gon makes some extremely clever observations, Kurapika is the most character ever, but also there's the transmisogyny

watched a little more Legend of the Galactic Heroes. I love it when the most important part of a space battle is alternating scenes between each faction talking about what they think the other faction's plan is. this is Television to me. also I'm just now realizing that the columns on the bridges of the Imperial ships are actual literal stone columns, which seems wildly impractical but also extra as hell

most of what I watched this week was, as previously mentioned, the Persona 5 anime, because we wanted to watch something that we didn't have to pay much attention to. it's not, like, a good anime (the pacing is wild, they don't do a great job compressing the story of the game into the limited runtime, the art does not look good, they refuse to pass up an opportunity for jiggling tits or an ass close-up, the ending is thematically incoherent because they refuse to commit to any specifics of what "improving society" actually means materially even more than the game does). however. that's not the point. the point is that Persona 5 contains some of my favorite characters of all time, and also we were watching the dub (I'd already seen the sub) specifically to hear Robbie Daymond as Goro Akechi in all his flirty glory and oh boy did he deliver. also the music fucks

because we watched all of P5A we watched significantly less Zeta Gundam. I still love Four very much (rip), and I am amused by the new villain squad of Scirocco, Mouar, and Jerid, even if I find Jerid incredibly uninteresting. like, I genuinely think the show would be better if he had died instead of Lila and we got to have her as the main rival instead. but also I generally wish there were more evil women who stuck around for longer instead of dying almost immediately (or getting completely dropped from the story? not sure what happened to Rosamia tbh but it would be cool if she came back)

playing: I'm now on the final case of Ace Attorney 5. love that it's Athena's turn to be on trial for murder, a very important rite of passage. I am intrigued by whatever Blackquill's deal is but more importantly I want to see Aura again. also I miss Apollo :(

also ran another session of my ongoing Blades in the Dark campaign. they stole a cursed object for a demon, a woman got partially turned into a bird, and one of the player characters got really into celebrity RPF. normal day in Duskwall

making: we started building Miorine so that Suletta can have her wife to keep her company, and were almost immediately thwarted by how annoying the face decals are. so instead here's Suletta watching over her mostly-unassembled wife

drinking: Stormalong's Light of the Sun fucks so hard. it's yuzu & jasmine and both of the flavors come through really well

writing: finished (?) the yuri//vain fic I've been working on but haven't posted it yet for normal reasons of I've stared at it for too long so now I'm convinced it's bad. it's fine, I'll get over that and post it eventually. however I did a lot of writing on other unrelated fics. for example, I continue to be having a normal one about Integrity Friendsatthetable:

also started another Great Ace Attorney fic because I am not immune to the concept of post-canon Kazuma & Maria roommates

[saltysaccharin]

Cletus Aite: Homecoming (0)

— [TRAGEDY/COMEDY!] {CANON}

• characters :: cletus aite, vil schoenheit, rook hunt, epel felmier, idia shroud, ortho shroud + cleonn aite (mentioned)

• content :: kind of crack, explains how and why cletus is in so many theater productions even though he's supposed to be in the basketball club, tall people (vil & rook) scare local short king

• warnings :: none

synopsis / prompt :: cletus aite has always had a tendency to garner attention — good and bad alike. it seems that that very attention-seeking-grabbing behavior is exactly what a stage play calls for. it's too bad cletus hadn't performed in years...

word count :: 1.4k

a/n :: breaking news, sachi projects their own skittish behavior toward their crush and injects it directly into an oc's bloodstream.

cletus is fine dw (sachi is not /ovd)

"…Why am I here again?" Cletus absentmindedly muttered to himself as he took a glance around the Film Studies club room.

"You're here because of your penchant for acting," The Pomefiore head, Vil Schoenheit, replied simply as he watched Cletus with narrowed eyes. "Frankly, as shocked as I am, your talent has the potential to accrue more interest in…"

Vil's explanation went in one pointed ear and out the other.

Suddenly shaking his head, Cletus interrupted, "Wait, what was that about me and acting—?"

Behind Vil, Epel frantically gestured to abort by repeatedly slashing his hand across his neck.

"…You're referring to the first thing I mentioned, yes?" Vil deadpanned, somehow managing to make it look elegant. Cletus almost felt shame for once. Sighing, the blond housewarden clarified, "The Film Studies club is planning to compose a theater production. Alas, most of our actors are more suited for the screen — I'm certain you're knowledgeable about the differences between film acting and theater acting.

"In any case, I searched through a few auspicious individuals' backgrounds…" Vil trailed off, his hand placed delicately underneath his chin, "And I happened upon the Aite twins' history with musical theater."

Oh.

Cletus flushed, waving his hands around in front of him in a panic, "Aha, no no no. You've got the wrong g— Um. Well, you do have the right guy, but I don't.. do that anymore—" He stammered, an anxious smile creeping up to his face.

"Quelle malchance! That's such a shame," Exclaimed a melodramatic Rook, who then raised a gloved hand to his lips suspiciously. "Are you absolutely positive, however? I distinctly recall querying Roi de Ta Chambre about your performing abilities… You generally enjoy attention, no?"

Querying.. who? Cletus didn't really get any of what Rook said, but he found himself feeling pity for whoever the hunter must've cornered to get that info.

"Well, why don't you ask Cleonn to do it? This is totally unfair!" Cletus huffed, avoiding the question.

Vil sighed, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear. "Unfortunately, your housewarden hadn't a lot to say about your brother. Cleonn seems to have actually moved on from performing, but you…" He trailed off, inadvertently coming off as sinister in Cletus' perspective.

Huh? His housewarden? What did he have to do with...

Meekly clearing his throat, Epel chimed in from behind the older two Pomefiore students. His wide eyes told Cletus that he understood the dread of being cornered like an animal; and that he was trying his best to get Cletus out of the situation. Cletus internally burst into tears of gratitude, offering to do anything Epel wanted in return.

"Um, maybe you could just do an audition? Just— Just to see if you're fit for the.. role that Vil needs," Epel suggested with a smile, earning a hum of consideration from his upperclassman.

Cletus stared at Epel in disbelief.

His bright amber irises bore into the poor first-year's soul, causing Epel to laugh anxiously and flutter his hands wildly in dismissal of his own idea, "I mean, you don't have to, of course! I just meant that, uh, y-you could compromise and audition and if Vil doesn't like it then—"

"No, no; your idea was brilliant, Epel," Vil interrupted, "It's the perfect way to gauge Cletus' skill, as well as his compatibility with the vision we're aiming for. It also leaves room for our potential star to back out, unlike if.. Rook were to pull some strings for me… It's a much fairer arrangement, I admit." He hummed with a nod, a hand on his chin in thought. The blond glanced at Cletus, extending the 'offer' wordlessly.

Cletus smiled his biggest, toothy smile — as fake as he could manage. "I really haven't kept up with anything like this in a while… I'm rusty…" His attempt at an indirect rejection was not effective.

"Nonsense! Please refrain from speaking such drivel, Monsieur Juvenile!" Rook exclaimed, moving to stand beside Cletus before draping an arm over the shorter boy's tense shoulders. "Performing in the limelight is akin to riding a bike! Beautiful Vil has set his expectations for you because he has seen promise; it would be an affront to not even try!"

Vil waved off Rook's dramatics, fully turning to face Cletus. "If what you say about being out of practice, then wouldn't that make this a learning experience? On top of that, consider the amount of opportunities that could open up for you," He put a hand on his hip to assert his confidence in his choice to 'recruit' Ignihyde's black sheep. "There's a fire in your eyes, Cletus. I'm certain there's part of you that wishes to channel all the negativity in your student life into something more performative; something people would pay attention to. Won't you finally give yourself the chance to achieve something someone of your caliber deserves?" A gloved hand stretched out toward Cletus.

To call the offer tempting would be a severe understatement. And yet…

"Ah, well…" Cletus cleared his throat, gazing at Vil's hand as he fidgeted with his own, "Um…" He stole a glance at a worried Epel, as well as an expectant Rook; he didn't have the backbone to check how Vil was probably staring him down like a hawk. "I.. I'm sorry, but—"

"Idia! You got him into this! The least you could do is extend some moral support!"

Cletus stopped in his tracks, lips practically zipping shut as he heard the commotion directly on the other side of the door. Epel peeked past his two seniors, tilting his body slightly as he looked at the doorway. "Is that Ortho?" He asked, receiving a murmur from Vil.

"I-It's not my fault! Rook basically ganked me the other day by the dorm entrance! Our dorm, Ortho! I can't even catch a break in the comfort of my own base!"

The second voice, while still audible, was definitely trying to whisper. 'Trying' being the keyword — considering the speaker was loud enough to be heard through the door, he likely did not try hard enough. The two individuals outside continued to bicker, where one was reprimanding the other who only tried his best to escape the situation.

"Oh, for fuck's sake." Cletus muttered to himself, feeling his heart rate start to increase.

Vil made a face of disapproval, presumably at Cletus' vulgar language, but it quickly morphed into one of surprise as a frenzied Cletus practically jumped in front of him.

The voices on the other side grew louder — closer to the door — and Cletus' panicked demeanor grew stronger. The teal-haired imp put his hands together and looked up at Vil with wide, anxious eyes, "Please get me out of here. Hide me. Anything." He begged, a forced smile etched on his features.

The Pomefiore housewarden's eyebrows lifted slightly, intrigued, "Oh? May I ask why?"

"Wh-What do you expect me to do once we're inside, anyway?! I can't just 'SoRe wA chiGAu yO!' Vil!"

"Just apologize and say you made a mistake! I don't think Cletus likes being cornered any more than you do. Now come on, Idia."

"NonoNONO, ORTHO, WAIT—"

Cletus bit back a yelp as the door rattled slightly. He turned back to Vil and nodded desperately, "I'll do it! I'll act in your stupid play— I'll even sing! In all of your stupid plays! Just hide me from Idia, please! He can't see me like this, I look—"

Vil raised his hand, temporarily silencing Cletus' rambling. "You'll commit? To all of our future productions as well?"

"Yes! I will! Anything you need from me!"

A faint lavender glow seemed to emit from Vil's eyes as he smiled and extended his hand toward Cletus once more, this time without his uniform's glove. He turned to Rook and spoke quietly, not taking his eyes off of Cletus. "Take note of this. Get this agreement in writing as soon as possible." Rook nodded immediately in response.

In spite of his confusion, Cletus took Vil's hand without a second thought as Vil's smile grew slightly wider. With a deep breath, he uttered:

Cletus deadpanned at the screenplay in his hands, the casting page open. Expressionless, he silently glowered at his name written adjacent to a 'Michael Mell.'

"Nothing to lose, nothing to fear. The shining crown is meant for me. Fairest One Of All," He declared as Cletus frantically glanced at the door, "Cletus Aite shall turn invisible until Idia Shroud steps outside of this room."

Vil must have had a sick sense of humor.

[catboyebooks]

mukuro has three FTEs and i'm not actually sure if it's possible to complete them all before she dies? i could be wrong but i thought chapter 1 only had three FTE slots total, and you have to spend the first one with maizono. the other thing i wanted to mention before getting into the free time events themselves is that, based on how the official translation reads, i think there's maybe a joke in here about the way mukuro is talking that doesn't translate well. especially in the first scene, naegi seems to be struggling to follow along with what mukuro is saying and the way it's written in english reads like he doesn't know basic slang, but i don't think he's quite that clueless. my guess is that mukuro is using a lot of very hip/trendy slang (english loanwords? waseieigo? idk, she's pretending to be a gyaru) that someone like naegi, who speaks pretty standard polite japanese, might not know. huge chance i'm wrong about this, though, i'm just speculating based on how the translation reads.

anyway. i know i did mukuro's first FTE back when i was liveblogging the game proper, and i don't have a ton more to say about it than i did back then. it's a funny scene — she kind of talks at him about being a model and he's like "wow that sounds tough, it must be hard to be popular" and she's like "omg you SO get it" and then starts telling him how she's gonna set him up with one of her domineering friends because something something herbivore guys carnivore girls — but there's not much to analyze. so i'm gonna focus on talking about her second two FTEs.

in her second FTE mukuro complains rather melodramatically about being bored. one could argue this is just part of the act, as the real junko loves being melodramatic and hates being bored, but i actually think this is where mukuro's act starts to slip a little and she starts talking to naegi more genuinely. take this bit:

naegi thinks the "once we got trapped in here" bit is weird enough to mentally comment on it, because from his perspective they only got locked in the school like two days ago. but mukuro didn't get memory wiped, so from her perspective she's been trapped in here for a year plus. to her, there is also no mystery to solve nor any pressing need to escape. it figures that she'd be bored waiting for the killing to start. from there mukuro starts talking about how she'd rather be homeless than stuck in here, and she reveals to naegi that she actually has been homeless before. he's shocked and clearly wants to know how that happened, and how it is that she's a model now, but she just tells him it's a long story. naegi's too polite to press for more information so instead he tries to sympathize with her and says being homeless is probably safer than being trapped in here. she disagrees and says being homeless is really dangerous. this is when naegi is like "you're not thinking of doing anything drastic, right?" and we get the exchange i screencapped at the top of this post.

to be clear, when naegi asks her that question, it's her safety that he's worried about. he's genuinely taken aback when she interprets his question as "are you planning to commit murder?" i also think mukuro is being genuine, breaking character for a second, when she asks naegi if she seriously looks like a killer — she's worried he might have seen through her act. it's kind of a great moment. i've been thinking about it all week.

anyway after that mukuro teases naegi for being worried about her, then suggests they hang out again sometime as she doesn't get sick of talking to him like she does with most people. as she's walking off naegi seems unsure of what to make of her tone and wonders if he's getting played — i think this is mostly or entirely in reaction to her flirting, but lol yeah he is getting played.

in her final FTE, mukuro asks naegi if she can confide in him about "her true intentions" and this is where i think things get very interesting. mukuro confesses that she's not content with where she's at in life. she's been chasing the same dream since she was a little kid, but, she says, normally dreams change as you grow up. she's been so focused on pursuing her talent that she never got to explore other things she might want out of life, and now she wants to do that, but asks naegi if it's childish of her to be thinking that way. naegi (who of course just thinks she's musing about whether to quit modeling) says no, he totally gets it, he doesn't know what he wants to do with his life either and he's not actually sure he'll ever figure it out. maybe he'll spend the rest of his life looking for it. but maybe the process of looking is the part that's actually important, and it's not really about whether or not you find your true calling? mukuro seems genuinely a bit impressed by this and tells him that was actually kinda cool and she's gonna remember what he said. then she jokes that as a sign of her appreciation, if she does murder someone to get out, it won't be naegi.

while obviously mukuro couldn't tell naegi the full truth, knowing the twist, this conversation can be understood as her confessing that she doesn't want to be a soldier anymore and doesn't want to go along with her sister's evil plans anymore. there's more to support the idea that mukuro feels this way; danganronpa:if is about mukuro deciding to put a stop to the killing game, and there's also a scrapped "everyone lives" bad end where mukuro talks about fleeing to somewhere where junko can't find her and becoming a hairstylist. yes, neither of those are canon and the FTE is also dubiously canon as you may or may not have this scene happen in your playthrough, but i think it's still reasonable to assume this is actually how mukuro feels even if she doesn't canonically get to say so or to act on it.

also because of the dubiously canonical nature of FTEs, i don't think i can cite mukuro's desire to break free of her sister's control as a reason junko kills her. again, i don't even know that it's possible to see this free time event before mukuro dies. but since i do think it's reasonable to assume that those are mukuro's true feelings regardless, i do wonder if junko might have known or suspected that her sister might want to get away from her, and if that might have factored into her decision.

next order of business — again, i'm going by death order — is "junko's" (mukuro's) FTEs. i'm still sorting out my thoughts there. but in the meantime this is funny

[discoscoob]

I've seen st*ddies complain repeatedly why there weren't scenes of Steve (and Robin and Nancy, but I feel they usually throw the girls in there as afterthoughts) mourning Eddie. I've seen them comfort themselves now saying Steve mourning Eddie will play out in S5.

Aside from being yet another thing they're very likely setting themselves up for disappointment they only have themselves to blame for, I realized the only characters Eddie's death would really effect are the Hellfire members, specifically Dustin since he was close to Eddie and was there when Eddie died, but also very potentially Nancy.  It was largely Nancy's battle plan set into motion and she was the one given the Vecna future vision, adding to her drive to try to prevent that future happening.  As we see at the end of S4, the Vecna vision is already starting to happen.  We didn't really get a chance to see how Nancy was dealing with how things went down in S4 and that only made me think we were most likely going to see that play out in season 5.

It's hard for seasoned COs to lose soldiers under their command and they've had training & experience dealing with losses like that, but Nancy - though dealing with the Upside Down horrors since S1 and her guilt over Barb's death - is a high school girl basically thrust into a wartime leadership position fighting monsters.  Eddie died, Max is in terrible condition and Hawkins is burning/being slowly devoured by the Upside Down. Even if I certainly don't blame the Nancy character for things going down like they did and with Nancy's continued guilt over Barb's death? It's too easy to see her blaming herself for what happened at the end of S4 and the battle plan not going over like they all hoped it would.

All that said, I realized that there's a greater likelihood - if Steve addresses Eddie's death at all - it'll be either trying to comfort Dustin and potentially comfort Nancy, both of whom are leaders of the group in their own ways and will likely continue to be so in season 5.  Nancy that will probably be more driven than ever to fighting & defeating Vecna to save her mom, her baby sister and Mike and everyone else she loves (or avenge those that continue to die at Vecna's hands).  More determined to not repeat the 'mistakes' she perceives herself having made in season 4.  Nancy harder on herself than ever.  

I've got no strong feelings about the Jancy vs. Stancy thing if she survives season 5.  I'm ultimately fine with whichever way the story takes us (or Nancy ends up with someone else or ends up single).  I admit though, I do lean towards Jancy.  However, it's just this idea that some of these st*ddies are so damn certain (though I have NO IDEA as to why) Steve will be sobbing over Eddie in season 5 and yet there's far, FAR better chances of Steve probably only bringing up Eddie as part of his comforting and supporting Nancy instead.  That Eddie's death, same with Max's coma and Hawkins burning wasn't her fault.  Steve comforting & supporting the woman he's still canonically in love with and has been so all series.  Steve, along with Jonathan and her other loves ones, convincing her not to be too hard on herself and they're there for her to lean on.  St*ddies delusionally thinking they'll get these sobby melodramatic moments, but instead they'll probaby just get more Stancy.  I laughed about it when I realized. >;)

I have pretty much nothing to add to this, I think it’s a good and interesting observation. I don’t think we’ll really see Steve mourning Eddie since he didn’t really get attached to him but I think he will definitely be comforting Dustin and possibly Nancy in season 5.

[puckwritesstuff]

How does one get past the mess pit of love and thunder in order to be strong enough do a rewrite fix it?

I mean, it helps that I tend to only write the scenes with Sigyn in them.

Seriously, look back at my rewrite of Ragnarok (which is a film I actually did enjoy) and you'll find some of the most dramatic and melodramatic elements of the fic. Hell, the scene where Sigyn and Loki are reunited on Sakaar was the reason I wanted to write the fic in the first place. And there was absolutely no equivalent in the movie. In the first two films, Sigyn's arcs were complementary to Loki's in very trope-y ways. Sigyn was the Desdemona in the first film, and then the Lady Macbeth in the second. These worked, because those films were drawing from those Shakespearean tropes and motifs. Ragnarok... did not, so I had to switch modes.

Now, I wrote the whole original thing from the first Thor film to the first season of Loki as one huge fic, so I was able to go back and make at least that portion consistent with itself. That's why I've got Frigga singing the song from the train scene in Loki in the first chapter-- I planned for that to be a running theme in the fic when I was going through on the second/third draft. When it came to Ragnarok, it was more of an extension of The Dark World than anything else-- basically, the dog caught the car, so now what? Given that the bedroom scene was the basis of it, I knew three things had to happen.

Loki had to be a shit king, and not that great a husband either, at least under the circumstances. My hands were somewhat tied by the film for this one-- depicting Loki as a neglectful and decadent king who couldn't administrate. I linked the two, and in rewrites and edits, came to what ended up on the page: after the death of Loki's son, he tried to pressure Sigyn for children, she refused, and their marriage fell apart. This led to their administration falling apart, and you know the rest.

They had to be separated for a long period of time. This was easier to achieve-- Sakaar is weird with time, I made her land their two years earlier than Thor.

I had to make Sigyn an enemy of the Grandmaster. The crux of the scene is that Sigyn is offering herself for execution or worse in exchange for Loki's safety, and Loki reveals that it was him in the room the whole time and she would never be in any danger from him. Loki never has and never will lay a hand on Sigyn (outside of sparring).

The last one is where I've really screwed myself with Love and Thunder-- because I put her in charge of the resistance on Sakaar, Sigyn is the one that knows Korg better than anyone else on the cast. I manage to handwave him off into the background, but...

But Korg isn't actually the problem. The problem is Bathos and somewhat-recent inability for Marvel to take its films seriously.

See, LDGP is a melodrama. I have tagged it as such, and I will freely admit it to anyone that asks. And that's not a bad thing! Melodrama thrives in comics and comics-based mediums, and it's fun to write and cathartic to read. Where this comes into conflict with the MCU is that melodrama is based in sincerity, and the MCU seems to have developed an allergy to sincerity. It's not that it can't do it, and it's not consistent either, but it hit Thor hard, and by Thor, I mean the character. Ragnarok had some interesting themes and seemed to at least somewhat continue his arc from the first two films with him finally accepting the throne with humility and understanding the origins of his father's empire and reconciling with his brother. It wasn't a perfect film, and there was some tonal whiplash, but the story was there if you looked, and it took enough things seriously that I was able to accept the tone shift.

Then the Russos decided that they needed comic relief for Endgame.

I'm with Red from OSP on this, I don't think the Russos like Thor very much. Thor having diagnosable depression after the events of Ragnarok and Infinity War? Fine, I'll grant him that, he had a really awful couple of days there. Thor abandoning his duties as king and spiraling into a drunken stupor, with the film framing this as something to laugh at? No, that's just bad writing because you don't know what to do with the character. This was why Thor got dusted, by-the-by. If he'd been treated with respect by the text of the film, I might have gone a different route. I'm not against comedy (Sigyn asking if the TVA is a cult is one of my favorite bits), but I am of the opinion that you should treat your characters with respect. When something happens, allow it to happen without cutting it off at the knees with a joke. Compare the first Guardians of the Galaxy-- there's a lot of jokes and the characters are quick to deflect their emotions with snark, but the film gives "We are Groot." the weight and the significance that it deserves, without being worried that the audience is going to think that the movie is uncool by doing it.

So, to the topic at hand, what I'm going to do with Love and Thunder is the literary equivalent of strip mining the story for its plot and whatever lines of dialogue are necessary to move that along, and make up everything else. I'm also only going to write the scenes that Sigyn directly impacts, because it's a more efficient use of my time, and will give the story of Sigyn and Loki the room it needs to continue. And, I mean, think about the things that are going to have to happen in this fic-- someone's out there killing gods, Sigyn's got a surprise new relative she's never mentioned before, Sif looses an arm, Jane dies, Sig's gotta tell Thor that she's his sister, Loki and Thor are going to reunite...

I've got plenty to work with, trust me. ^_^

[rivalsforlife]

Heyo since I finally read The Catch-Up Game (and really really loved it by the way) how about 1 and 5 for that?

Yesssss thanks so much JJ!! Glad you liked it, that's still one of my favorite things I've written!

1. What inspired you to write the fic this way?

"This way" is a little vague so I'll interpret it as I like. Mostly I wanted to write the fic the way I did because I was feeling pretty dissatisfied with my Phoenix characterization in other fics. He's a surprisingly difficult character to get a handle on, he's like just weird enough I had quite a bit of trouble writing him for a long time. I've always had this Problem of mine back when I did original writing where my protagonists would always end up sooooo bland in comparison to all the other characters, which is obviously a major problem because your protagonist should be the most interesting. And I found that carried over to a lot of my Phoenix characterizations in my earlier fics. Especially, like, writing a character from their POV and from someone else's POV ends up completely different, I find. I'd written mostly Edgeworth-POV narumitsu up to that point, and the way Edgeworth sees Phoenix is quite different from how Phoenix sees Phoenix. And while I'd had a couple of fics digging into Edgeworth a bit more as a sort of character study I didn't have anything going into depth with Phoenix at all.

Also I wrote the fic for narumitsu week 2020, which had the list of prompts I ended up basing the chapter titles off of. I have to confess here I wasn't... *super* satisfied with my narumitsu week 2019 fics, though I don't like to admit that because I know lots of people do like them (Childswap is still my 3rd highest kudos'd fic despite me constantly thinking I could've done it better.) I thought I might do better if I could write one giant fic instead of eight smaller fics, since that way I could spend more time getting invested in an overall story without feeling quite as rushed, if that makes sense?

I'm actually digging out my planning doc now, it's been a while since I looked at this, but I generally do a stream-of-consciousness brainstorming session so there's some interesting stuff in here. The existence of "pining" in the prompts meant this would probably be a "getting together" fic, but I had already written a few of those, and so has like... half the fandom. So I wanted to tackle my dissatisfaction with my previous Phoenix characterizations and try to dig deep into his character to try and make it unique. I wrote down the basic things that I thought were neat about Phoenix and unaddressed by canon that I wanted to explore (relationship trauma in general with regards to the Dahlia-Iris debacle but also general relationship abandonment issues stemming from as far back as the class trial that also are very associated with Edgeworth), picked a few plot beats that matched the prompts, and just kinda went from there.

5. What part was hardest to write?

Few things:

The rejected confession in chapter 5 was something I was so stressed about because I really, really didn't want it to come across as "drama for the sake of drama", you know. So it had to rely mostly on the previous chapter to support the weight, but the confession and Phoenix's rejection still had to stand on its own and be in character and not too melodramatic but also not too casual... etc. That was the part I was the most stressed about at first.

Then I got a huge number of comments reacting to that, dissecting Phoenix's motives, predicting what was going to happen next -- the big narumitsu discord was having live reactions and discussion sessions about it -- and don't get me wrong this was very fun I really enjoy when I write something people can engage with, especially to that level, but it was also very stressful for the rest of that week, because I had to hope the rest of the fic met people's expectations. I was posting this live during narumitsu week so there was no time to do a complete overhaul or really much editing if I wanted to change anything, since chapter 8 (the conclusion to most of this) was going to be posted in... two days, so I just had to ride it out and hope people didn't drop it because they were dissatisfied with how the rest of the story played out. And if anyone did, they didn't tell me, so I can pretend everyone liked it!

So yeah, the last part of chapter 8 where Phoenix explains himself to Edgeworth got a little tricky because I was looking at feedback from comments and trying to figure out what things I wanted to change and how. But that mostly amounted to a difference of a few lines. I also had trouble with chapter 7 -- again I worry it went too close to "drama for the sake of drama", the whole mafia subplot is kinda just forced in there and you can tell, but that's what I get for trying to write a well-edited fic in uhh three months. I go back and forth on the burning building thing still. I might do it differently if I were rewriting today, but a ton of people really liked that part, so I guess it can't be too bad?

Anyways I am rambling on for way too long. I did have a lot of fun with this fic. I think it's probably the one that got the most engagement and positive reception out of all the fics I wrote so that must mean other people had fun with it too, which is always an extremely satisfying feeling to have.

[the-slut-verses]

sayer relisten thots, season 5.5

i'm referring to that series of bonus eps between seasons 5 and 6, the classic lit and remastered season one eps, this is split into two parts

the classic lit ones:

the classic lit ones were so great, idk the vibes of these ais reading stuff i had to read in english class with the full suite of sound design is just good

the lovecraft one read in dr young's voice was my favorite, something about his particular voice just inspires the "i want to see that twink obliterated" reaction and hearing him go thru ordeal after ordeal is Fun, kudos to whoever suggested that ep

the first bonus ep they did like this all the way from s2 iirc had the framing device that it was sayer reading these things to help a resident fall asleep and it's just really cute

sayer being salty and having opinions and asides about classic lit is fucking hilarious when coming thru it's robot voice

esp the one where it fully stopped the soundscape just to point out the problematic period typical misogyny

it's like, diversity win! the evil ai planning humanity's destruction is a feminist sksksk

remastered s1:

the remastered s1 eps were not as fun for me

idk the fun thing abt indie pods is seeing the creators figure out and get better at their craft as they continue and those eps have a certain charm and earnestness to them

they cut out some lines, and like, sometimes they make the ep more coherent, like they cut out that thing where sayer implied people were having children on typhon

but for the most part, it makes the ep feel more cramped

like, i really loved the low level alerts cuz it built up the world and implied plot happening outside of sven

but they edited them to come across as tighter and more relevant to what's happening to sven, and i miss how wtnv-esque early sayer was

i also take enjoyed the way they'd read itunes reviews that was cute sad to hear en cut out

on that note, and they developed a wider music library, and in some eps it worked really great like in a dreamless sleep cuz it really underscored the vast terror of sayer

but in most eps, not much was happening at all so the music felt like it was Too Much, like,, sven's just getting dressed this scene doesn't need sad piano music, sven's just on break this doesn't need a big orchestral score with choir

it's kinda funny if i headcanon it's sayer making things unnecesarily dramatic as it is its nature but i don't think that's what they were going for

also it felt like there was less room to breathe in terms of pacing and it just messed up the vibes

like ep 5, the one where sven was on break and sayer was bothering him to bitch about their other coworkers, the original was really fun cuz it was very chill until it got to the end, and sayer's insisting multiple times there's no low level alerts until the very last minute was really cute cuz it felt like it was trynna come up with excuses to talk to sven

but with the melodramatic music and tighter script, it felt more frantic

maybe im just biased cuz i listen to this pod's soundtrack and i can recognize the songs but yeah

also, the ending of ep3 was really confusing cuz it ended with sayer saying to sven good luck on your first day of work

but then in the next ep sayer references sven accidentally ending up on floor 13??

that happened in the original s1 but not in the remastered version

but yeah im excited to hear the remastered vore ep i hope they keep it as horny as the original

[rpbetter]

Urgh. Okay, full disclosure, I haven't been on tumblr much over the last week or so, because I was one of the people that Raven initially called out after the COAR mess, and it was in the interest of my own mental health to fuck off for a while so I didn't stress myself out into oblivion. So I'm scrolling through most of this stuff for the first time, and talking to other people who were targeted. And pardon my French here, but I'm fucking disgusted at the lengths Raven has gone to assert themselves as a victim, how many people they've affected, and the waving around of something as serious as suicide for brownie points.

I have sympathy for people who overinterpret things in a strictly emotional and mental sense (actual reactions aside) because they lack the maturity. There's always a reason for that, and it's not their fault. And I have sympathy for people if they legitimately feel suicidal. That, too, isn't their fault. If I hadn't been blocked, I would've reported Raven in case their claims were true as well, because yeah, I don't mess around with that stuff either. But what's unacceptable is how Raven acted on those sentiments and behaved towards others, even after people tried to provide perspective. How Raven claimed to be done with the drama, but continued inciting it; how they claimed to be suicidal and had left tumblr, but wrote what amounts to a "fuck you" in their header and were still putzing around on their blog, and were apparently still editing their posts until as late as today; how they claimed to have deleted but only changed the url; how they weaponized all of this stuff and used it as a tool for guilt-tripping. Like, come on. It's okay if you're down in the dumps, but it's not okay to treat innocent people like garbage, and carpet bomb half the RPC. To me, it really feels like there was an intent to weaponize all of their hurt, offense, anger, and suicidal ideations, despite the possibility it did come from somewhere genuine, and that's so harmful to anyone who is actually struggling with depression.

Every time someone weaponizes mental illness in this way, it just makes people more and more apathetic the next time someone is genuinely just hurting, and saying they feel like they're at the end of their rope. And it makes people suspicious of whether those words are being used maliciously, or legitimately. That suspicion and that association is now there, unconscious or not. And every time this kind of stuff happens, the association gets stronger. What happens if Raven does this again? Some people will still report, but some people might just scoff and walk away - people who might've actually acted before. So in a way, that kind of behaviour impacts Raven as much as it impacts other people.

And you know what? They're not the only one dealing with serious shit. I've been suffering from MDD for the last fifteen years, and I've been in the process of changing medications and having little success for months. I've been going through hell offline. I have a shit list of people I want to yell at because they're dragging their feet on really important things I need to function; I'm constantly running a deficit on spoons. Until a week or so ago, roleplay was one of the only ways I could unwind. So for Raven to bully me by sticking that stupid post in my tags, because they needed to make a scene on COAR, which I was obviously going to comment on (like many other people), then to "like" an unsubstantiated callout about me and other innocent people related to that mess, it's only worsened my own mental health. It sounds melodramatic, but really. Someone else mentioned this too, but the fear of being in another callout, and the fear of that first callout somehow exploding, was in the back of my mind all week, despite being away from tumblr. So that was a little anxiety-inducing, much as I tried not to think about it.

And I'm debating whether to return now, or take more time off, and I have no idea what to do. Because that callout post is still in my blog's tag. I'm freaking out because I was planning on approaching some people to roleplay, which is something I rarely ever do, but now I'm concerned that I'll contact someone, they'll look at my tag to get an idea of my writing/partners/who I am, and see the callout post, and immediately dismiss me because even seeing the word "callout" on its own will send up red flags, by unconscious association with more impactful drama. And as long as that callout is up, these fears are going to be there.

That's just not fair.

And Raven's "apology" is completely unacceptable. Like you and others said, it doesn't reach anyone who needs to hear it, because they've all been blocked. I would fucking love an apology if it came from a place of honesty, but am I going to receive one? Probably not. And even for the followers who can still see that apology, it doesn't address anything. It isn't directed to anyone in particular. It doesn't mention the specific behaviours that were wrong on their part. And miss me with the "my intentions were good" part. No, they weren't; going around blocks and sticking shit in peoples' tags is vindictive and entirely intentional in all the worst ways, and shame on them for pretending otherwise, and by leading with such a poor example for many roleplayers, some of whom are in their teens. One of the people who tried to message Raven (they, too, were called out on Raven's blog) was speaking to a nineteen-year old who was completely clueless about the extent of the manipulation Raven was pulling. They thought all of it was normal and acceptable behaviour. That genuinely terrifies me. And while I imagine if Raven was genuinely apologetic, they would've gone to the callout blog and ask them to delete the callout post (attempt it, at the very least), somehow, I don't think that would've happened given all of their prior actions. God forbid something else is going on there.

Phew. Yeah, I'm angry. Maybe I'm just biased and tired. But honestly, I have a right to be. Raven's apology is a handwave, and they know it. It's a slap in the face to me, to you, and to everyone else who was involved in this clusterfuck. They're not the center of the universe. They affected real people, with real problems of their own. Anyways, I am so sorry for this, argh. Really had to get this out, and I didn't want to dump it on discord or somewhere else; I sure as heck didn't want to go to COAR with it. But hey, maybe people here will feel less alone if I added my own account to the mix. The more, the merrier? In a sense, anyways. Sometimes if you feel like you've been singled out, it's nice to know you're not actually the only person it's happened to.

Sorry for saving your reply for last, Anon. It's such an important one, I wanted to be properly thoughtful!

I think that it is going to make some people feel less alone, and there is always some relief in sharing one's trials. That might be especially true when one has been unable to share them anywhere else. It's not like you can address this on your own blog right now, COAR is definitely not a safe place to do so, it's a very isolating feeling that is made worse for having done nothing.

Coming back and being required to wade through this shit was really damn disgusting to me as well, but at least in my case, I had neither been obliged to distance myself for the sake of mental health nor was I treated to the sickening display of drumming up ideas of victimization from someone who victimized me. What I experienced was just incredulity and disgust, I cannot imagine how incensing this must be for you, I am so very sorry. If it makes me angry having a degree of removal and watching in it real time? What you're experiencing...there really isn't a single word to adequately encapsulate that, I'm sure.

You've still expressed so many of the things I've thought and felt. I found all that initial behavior uncalled for, shameful, yet another display of what's actually wrong in the RPC, but it was increasingly upsetting to me the more I looked into it because it did feel a little (a lot) too reminiscent of the sort of bullying experienced in person. It's really something else to be viciously picked at by someone who keeps upping the game until such point as it begins to cause them trouble, then get to be painted the wrongdoer and punished in some way for it because they're presenting as a sympathetic victim. A more sympathetic victim than you, that's really what I mean, I'm just going to say it.

And that was already in swing by the time I got from the launch point to the smoking crater of then current events. I got to Raven's again after bouncing back and forth between their interactions with others, largely from COAR, yes, and the shit on the callout blog...to see...everyone else being blamed in increasingly drastic ways.

Because on tumblr, unlike reality, if you throw out enough times ahead of time that you have disorders people can get behind, you're more sympathetic, not less. So long as one has set that foundation and has others to broadcast it once convenient, any horrible action one undertakes is given a pass. Anyone disagreeing, anyone not tolerating the abuse, is in the wrong now. In the worst possible way, of course.

This whole thing began with incredibly unnecessary bullshit and every, I mean fucking every, further action taken was a new level of fucked up, but the trivializing of and damage done to the perception of mental health and differences is quite possibly the worst. Are those things that need any more of that? It's already such a problem! I already see suspicion and fatigue with this, every time it's given validation, it grows.

Even if I wasn't mentally ill, with one of the disorders that gets vilified even on tumblr, even if I were not autistic, even if I never knew a single person who suffered worse than I do from the the complications they won by way of being born, hadn't anyone I loved that took their lives, this would be extremely upsetting to me. Using the idea that "whatever I do, it's got to be acceptable because I am X" while not caring that anyone else is X, Y, and/or Z. Weaponizing it for bullying and sympathy simultaneously. Way too much. Incredibly gross and harmful, legitimately fucking problematic.

I want people to be taken seriously when they choose to speak of the boundaries their mental health requires, I want muns to be able to say that they are having a difficult time without it coming off (even to the rest of us with mental health conditions) as a ploy for attention/guilting for whatever action they desire be taken by partners, and I want people to take threats of oncoming, serious harm seriously. How are they to do this, when it is continually used as tool or weaponized against others? At very best, it becomes another thing to ignore and scroll by on the dash.

As we've all had the misfortune to experience or witness so recently, once it is weaponized, it's a problem of priority. I've said in damn near every message I've gotten that Raven isn't the only person involved here who has serious shit going on, but like the absurdity with trying to spin an accident as transphobia, or having the audacity to attempt speaking from a place of peace in a way that might benefit everyone, Raven included, resulting in a callout about being against ND people...it doesn't matter. Doesn't matter that any of us are neurodivergent, have serious chronic mental health complications, or are not cisgender. Raven was swinging that around like a flaming sword to drive off bigots real and imagined before we ever got their attention.

Attention they fucking asked for.

Reblogging that post from COAR was just like posting those rules. The intention was to get attention, and it was asked for with extreme hostility. I have no idea how that is coming off to anyone as simply them defending themselves. It was a great moment to either not out themselves as the person in the confession at all, not engage with it, quietly remove the post, or to reblog it and take responsibility in a meaningful way at that point. Can you imagine what a difference that would have made then? If Raven had chosen instead to reblog it and apologize for doing what they had. Just that. No shitty, snide little comments about how they're sorry, but still absolutely correct and here are five reasons why everything they've misconstrued won't be tolerated. Just an acknowledgment of wrongdoing, an apology for doing so, and awareness gained moving forward.

Their decision to interact with that post in the way they did wasn't just more of the same nonsense, it was actively upping the game. I don't really care if it was intentional bait or just continuing to let malicious impulse run free, it was used as bait. Everyone who interacted with that post was effectively consigning themselves to harassment, and if they happened to interact on literally any other topic that group held a passionately opposing opinion on, they were attacked for it. Curiously, it became necessary for them to be harassed by way of the callout blog, but that is getting a little close to off-topic, so, I'll leave it at that.

So, while I initially really wanted to have the appeal to Raven work because their expressions of regret that I was greatly on the fence about being genuine, I'd say those flags were accurate. I cannot believe that someone who took every opportunity to do the wrong thing is genuinely sorry. Sorry for themselves, absolutely, sorry for anything they did, not so much. This constant narrative I got of "they SAID they were sorry" and "they apologized again and again and took the posts down," including from Raven, is incredible. On that last one, they, yet again, couldn't actually address me.

Appropriate response: messaging me or reblogging that post (you know, the rules snippet I found right the hell there still, despite the claim of it being deleted and the final catalyst of me needing to say something after I saw that, nope, surely was not) with the acknowledgment of a single thing I said.

Extra appropriate response: ^ plus going to everyone who could still be located that they harmed with a genuine, individual, private apology.

Inappropriate response that was had: new post, shitty, childish tone like they at once wanted to argue with me and didn't want to drop the act, restating of this apology that had already been deleted and meant exactly shit while it existed, restating of how they deleted this post and couldn't control reblogs, ignoring that I literally reblogged the original copy from their blog.

Apology neither believed nor accepted. Just as it wouldn't be if my nephew came to my house, broke a bunch of my things, said he was sorry while throwing the pieces at my pet, then threw himself on the floor screaming that he said he was sorry when I told him to go have a time out.

(Yes, I absolutely did just make a comparison to a child, y'all can shit yourselves again. It's not my problem if you want to misconstrue "this person's actions are not befitting of an adult" as "Vespertine said autistic people are children!" Fucking miss me with that. I'm an autistic adult who pays my bills, apologizes, doesn't treat people like shit while trying to excuse it by being ND. You're offensive with that shit, and contributing to the negative perception people have of those on the spectrum. Be a good ally today! Don't valid that! Free ninety-nine offer!)

Again, sorry for yourself does not equal being sorry for what you've done. The former can contribute to the development of the latter, but as I said in a response yesterday, there has been no display of that beginning to transpire. I genuinely hope that will eventually be the case because that would be the best outcome, the only "best" outcome at this point. Even if it was two years from now, if it did happen, I certainly would not be kind to people refusing them any such growth in peace, and I hope that, by some distant chance, I get to prove that.

But...stating "my intentions were good" over any part of this is not remotely promising. When? Where? At what point? Oh, right, when you took it upon yourself to label a random mun you took issue with. That's when your intentions were good. Then, when you vehemently needed to defend that point by callouts and individual attacks under the guise of it definitely not being about your pride, no! It was the defense of everyone else! Defending the community by carpet-bombing it, yes. This is not a "the path to Hell is paved with good intentions" situation.

I am so disturbed about the nineteen-year-old mun, my god. I'm telling y'all, my anger and disgust almost reach what I think is a pinnacle, then there's something new like this.

I don't even subscribe to tumblr's ideology that anyone under twenty-five is an actual infant who needs be kept in a protective bubble and forgiven for all bad behavior with infinite kindness, nineteen-year-olds deserve the agency of the adultier adults they are becoming, but it is a transitional age. Especially today. Most socialization and formative ideas take place online, and by the time younger RPers are entering the adult sphere of RP here, they've already got some really unhealthy ideas. About themselves, about others. There is such a demand for rabidly performative action that gets internalized, it shouldn't be being heartily fed by people in the community they might look up to.

At that age, someone like Raven is going to be a person looked up to. They espouse all the right ideas, and it's an age in which aggressive interaction over those things is seen as amusing and correct, no matter how wrong the actions taken are or the basis upon which they are founded. When these people foster an environment of cruelty for questioning, of course, that is not going to be the natural response. The response is now going to be the requirement of being told otherwise with adequate proof.

I have suspected that many of the hateful anons I've gotten were from Raven's even younger followers who feel like it's normal, acceptable, and that everything they're being told by Raven's sales team over at the callout blog is absolutely true. Of course, they're now morally obligated to come harass me for the things they were told I did! I think it's likely that several of the anons people got were from actual minors, which is so many levels of scary and irresponsible. Really great example all around, yes!

Because whether it is one's intention or not, that is potentially exposing minors, or muns who are still close enough to be more negatively impacted, to who even knows what. As well as violating the rules of blogs who do not interact with minors for good reason, setting those blogs up for yet another callout for treating someone they didn't know was a minor the way they did or having "freak shit" on their blog. Setting up the other party to be treated with full hostility as an adult would be. Very cool, very responsible.

There is just so much here that is unacceptable, I don't think people who were not directly impacted or have never had a callout against them understand the results, and that is one more unacceptable thing you've been good enough to talk about.

Even while taking a break from the RPC, it affects you negatively. Wondering what you're coming back to, your blog is no longer a safe feeling space, and there's nothing you can do to "cultivate your blog" to change that. They've taken away the ability to simply block and avoid others, the thing that keeps all of us comfortable here as well as allowing that to be all of us no matter how disagreeable we might be to each other. Callouts negate adult behavior. Callouts mean that one doesn't know where more potential for harassment might be coming from, or how long we might have to be worried about that.

It would be a major concern for me as well about what putting myself out there to new writing partners might bring. What the success of that might be. It's incredibly unfair that they've made finding new people precarious and more unpleasant than it can be anyway. That puts all of the future of your RP here in question, and if you're like me, just dropping a muse, picking up another, and moving to a new URL isn't going to be a good choice for you. It isn't that simple if you dedicate time to a muse for a long period of time, when that's the case, that's the RP you want to do and have laid the groundwork for.

I don't know if it will help at all, but it has seemed to me, over the past several days, that there are fewer people in the RPC who are inclined to believe or support callouts than there once was. I was hoping that was the case, since there is always so much interaction on my posts against callout culture, but until this crap went down, I had no idea just how many people are not positive toward it. It has seemed to be that the people who are inclined to listen to callouts are just louder.

I've also noticed that those people have the same set of red flags, so maybe sharing that will help you or others?

They don't have simple, basic, reasonable Do Not Interacts. It isn't simply asking that minors don't interact because the mun is over eighteen, that muns writing a triggering topic not interact, or that sort of thing. No, it's URL dropping of specific muns, outright links to callouts or "receipts," and an accusatory tone about any topics or types of muns who shouldn't interact. Such as "nasty ass proshippers" or "pedo apologists shipping incest."

Their rules are reflective this as well. A statement cannot be made that they do not write, let's say, toxic ships and left at that. There will be some morality wank present about normalizing or romanticizing toxic/abusive relationships.

There are less assured flags, but literally, anything that stands out as an interest in RPC or fandom-based activism as opposed to an interest in writing, their muses, or even their friendships with a variety of muns. I don't mean a rounded-out interest in things, I really do mean a glaring predominance of buzzword-laden reblogs and PSA's while they've not written a reply, headcanon, or answered a meme in months.

I'm not saying any of that because I feel like you, or anyone else's, judgment is terrible or that you're oblivious to warning signs! It's just that when we've experienced bad situations, it can compromise our ability to see clearly. It becomes easy to see a potential threat everywhere, and maybe that seems contrary, but it's then easy to fail to see real threats from those we're blowing up. We question whether we're being just as judgmental as the people who wronged us, putting words in other muns' mouths and thoughts in place of their own as was done to us. While we still are afraid to be wrong in giving someone an in to ruining our time again.

So, please, don't feel like I'm questioning your intelligence or speaking from a place of ultimate knowledge, never making mistakes in such a choice! I just really hate that you, and many others, are going through this, and anything at all that I can think of that might help you move forward from this utter bullshit you've been through, I've got to try to grab it.

Because, Anon, like all those sharing their experiences these last few days, you sound like the kind of mun we need in the RPC.

You're someone willing to share with others for the benefit of others. You're being honest about your feelings of anger and even the hopeless sensation of whether it's even worth it to try to return, having your progress on and offline stomped on, while still maintaining a sort of fairness and calm that I know is not easy. Because that's the mature thing to do, it's the right thing, and unfortunately, those are usually the harder things to do as well.

You did the right thing in expressing your opinion and doing what people like Raven's group love to be on about, can only do through bullying: not tolerating it. I'd hate for the RPC to lose someone like you!

Just as your message matters to more people out there than myself, I have no doubt that your choice to not quietly allow this behavior mattered to more muns than you'll ever know. I'm sure that none of them would have wanted this result for you, but so many muns have experienced such toxic, bullying behavior over the years in which not a soul spoke up.

Many of you proved something very important with challenging Raven and the callouts blog, that unlike them, it isn't necessary for good people to even know each other to do the right thing. They have to dogpile and engage in cliquish behavior, what they do isn't coming from a place of inner ethics and strength, but what you all did? It's the opposite.

So, not only do I thank you again for sharing and providing the important support of simply not being alone to others, I thank you for being the example to the RPC that people dealing in callouts and generalized shaming cannot be, no matter their platform.

I hope that, whether you choose to remain, leave, or take a very long break, everything you've been dealing with starts to look up. I know it's easy to say things made hollow for their repetition and flippant use, like telling you not to let them win, or that their bullshit just isn't that important. So, I'm not going to say them.

It doesn't work that way when you're dealing with mental health concerns! You can logically know that this is just petty bullshit not worth being run out of something important to you, but that doesn't stop the worry, frustration, or depression. You can have all the determination in the world to hang in there, even the spite to back it up, but neither is a match for the things you cannot control coming from your brain. That is the cruelty of mental illness on the very best of days.

You have all of my respect, support, and genuine sympathy that this happened to you. No one should be allowed to continually and unapologetically go out of their way to throw a wrench into someone's hard-won progress. You did nothing to deserve this, and the people out there worth interacting with are going to be the same ones who will have no question of that.

Lastly, I also hope that some of the anons sharing their experiences have helped you feel less alone, or like you're not just irrationally upset. Please know that you're seen and supported as well! And that you are always welcome to talk more, vent, share successes here.

Thank you, Anon.