#this got long but im on mobile so i cant see How long

[catfishofoldin99colours]

sending guitarspear right back at you lol

I'm love them..... Adam sucks so much and lute is such an asshole and they deserve each other <3

Ok but like seriously I'm like. Adam has lost both his wives, very likely through his own fault as well as Lucifer's interference (no one is perfect or fully to blame in this particular situation, they're all at fault), and while he sucks so much and was handed these things along with being the first man and is generally The Worst .... Losing people who for all intents and purposes were supposed to be with you and love you, that hurts. It hurts a lot.

I don't condone Adams actions or behaviour, but I can understand how losing Lilith and eve, both indirectly to lucifer, would hurt, after he was given the promise of being the First Man and the creator of humanity and all that promise likely entailed.

Honestly, when I think about Adam and what's going on in his squishy little dickface head, it leads me into the same roads thinking about this show always does - is it a person's fault for believing what they're told about themselves? Are the actions they do as a result of this belief that hurt people fully to blame on them?

Heaven and hell do not exist in a vacuum in the original texts. God is not blameless, in my humble opinion, for the events that transpire and lead to the bible we know today. And I don't know how much hazbin intends to fuck around with the original text (Adam can't enter heaven in the Bible cos he committed the original sin and they've already fucked with that) but it's interesting to consider the larger implications of what they have already used and what might come later.

Adam sucks and he believes he is owed a woman's love and subservience. We know he demanded Lilith's subservience from the beginning (but who's telling that story? What are they skewed by? Is Charlie's account of the original story of Eden to be trusted? She is Lilith's daughter, and has only known hell as her home, can we trust what we says the whole time?)

But who told Adam that he was owed that? Was he made with that idea in his mind? Was he told Lilith, and subsequently Eve, would be his? Was he led to believe he could demand these things with no consequences to anyone else's wellbeing?

And if so... Is it his fault if he believes that?

These are the kinds of things I think about with these stories. I honestly don't think the show is intelligent enough or well written enough to properly go into them in a way I would find satisfying, but I do like the implications of some of the writing and what I can think about beyond that.

Anyway, back to Adam and lute.

Adams whole deal is that he's lost women who were supposed to be his, and that hurts as much as he is a dickhead about it. It makes me think that deep down he's lost the ability to trust that anyone will stay and, y'know, actually like him as a person. Yes, he sucks so fucking much, but when you're faced with the prospect of being a shitty person and having no one like you at all, or being a shitty person in control of lots of nice things, who wouldn't pick the second option? He's a human through and through to me, full of petty jealousy and righteous anger and generally a stupid mean dickhead who enjoys being nasty for fun.

Enter lute, who stands next to him with everything. Lute, who is his second in command, who not only tolerates his crass humour and vulgar language but seems to engage with it in her own way. Lute who is wholeheartedly on board with the violent eradication of the sinners, to the point that she absolutely believes people need to die if they can't live to a standard set by someone else (again, who sets this standard and why?)

Lute, who is every bit as awful and horrible as Adam is, and matches him in a way seemingly Lilith or Eve didnt.

Lute, who stayed.

They're not good people and frankly I don't want them to be - to me they're a product of being created to serve a purpose that you really don't have all the answers for and have no say in; Adam to populate humanity, Lute to destroy what heaven deems destroyable and wrong.

Who sets the terms of their existence? Do they have an agenda to fulfill? Some goal they want to reach? How do Adam and Lute, and by extension the exorcists and heaven and hell, play into this? What is the purpose of punishing people, and creating people to punish those, and who creates the rules that mean these punishments happen? By extension, who creates the rules that rewarding people like Adam and Lute happen? Why? And is it their fault if they are wholeheartedly led to believe that they are deserving of the status they have when they very clearly do not have the full picture of the situation at large?

They're so interesting to me and I love them so much.

Also I'm just a sucker for hardass terrible female characters who do not so right things and the sleazebag men they want to jump so. There.

[diodellet]

wow so...that was a week.

[riverripplespeaks]

the sillies!!!!! im gonna put the information here and i think u can only do cut on pc and im on mobile so sorry kinda long post.. also if u saw the other pebbles one some of the information maybe be the same or some may be contradictory idk. either way this one is the right one

Echo/Five Pebbles

gave himself the name “echo” when he realized he was a slugcat, and also an echo. also it was the only name that made sense that he was able to say in slugsign

yes, the pearl on his chest is the music pearl

how he met fisher was he got attacked by a red lizard, but the electrical shock killed it before it could bring him to its den. fisher found him and patched up his wounds, and in return he let her stay with him and help him

he grew kind of fond of fisher even before he knew that she was moon

he cant eat more than the bare minimum (a couple bluefruits or batflies) because if he eats too much it will give energy to the rot, leading to it taking over his body

he is constantly starving because of my previous point. for reference, if he didnt have the rot, his kind of slugcat (similar to the kind arti is) would be carnivorous, and eat about two small lizards per cycle.

he can let out electric shocks with his tail while jumping, letting him propel himself in the air. the shock itself doesnt propel him though, he has to do that.

he can let out electric shocks strong enough to kill a small lizard if his tail is touching it. he can also create electric spears, though his are a bit stronger than the scavengers

he is constantly in pain because of his right bottom leg, and kind of feels hes a burden on fisher (and, eventually, the rest of the group) because he always has to stop and take a break.

he experiences frequent panic attacks and hallucinations, especially in the small cramped shelters. he usually cuddles close to fisher during these (even if he’s embarrassed to), and she helps him realize that what he thinks is there really isnt there

he is pretty sure the reason he got echo’d and reincarnated as a slugcat was because of the first karmic urge, violence. no one will ever know, though.

Fisher/Looks to the Moon

when she first saw echo on her way to the other iterators superstructures, she immediately knew he was pebbles, for multiple reasons. she decided not to tell him just yet, because she figured all of this was already a lot for him and he didnt need more.

she is bigger and fluffier than pebbles, but thats just because she is just a big and fluffy slugcat. pebbles is just average

she usually had to convince pebbles to eat something, because he hated the sensory of it and was absolutely terrified of the rot, but she figured that eating something, even if its uncomfortable, was better than dying of starvation

she generally saw herself as a bit of a caretaker for pebbles, even if he would hate being seen as “needed to be cared for”

she actually kind of enjoys killing creatures, of course she doesnt do it for funsies, but when she has to, she loves showing off her strength and skills.

her absolute favorite food is blue fruits, she thinks the texture and the lil pupa in the middle is DELICOUS.

she is absolutely terrified of spiders, especially mother spiders and spitter spiders, and creatures that look like spiders, like dropwigs. when she sees one, she will go screaming and crying and bolting away

she likes holding pebbles whenever she can tell his leg hurts, even if he goes off kicking and hissing. she can tell its a relief for his overworked body

she was able to tell pebbles who she was and that she knew who he was in pebbles chamber, where all there was left was pearls. (she basically pointed to pearls abt her and back at herself, and pearls abt him she pointed at him)

she is sosososo happy that she gets to physicslly hang out with pebbles (and the other two later on :3)

the red on her body is bioluminescent and glows in the dark and water

she is a fantastic swimmer, despite not having any fins or anything. she can literally hold her breath for almost an entire cycle

she is super strong, like her spear throw is a bit stronger than gourmands, and she doesnt get tired.

she assumes that she got held back from true ascension by karmic urge 3, companionship. like pebbles, though, we will never know

[everythingwasnormalhere]

could you give me blind Craig headcannons for my story? Thanks ^_^

all these are assuming he loses his sight later on, aka hes not blind since birth, so tell me if im wrong lol (also partial blindness hcs bc its very underrepresented though a lot more common smh,, but like, can make him totally blind if you want lol you do you)

mandatory disclaimer im not blind nor i know that many blind people so this might be Very wrong lmao (feel free to correct me yall 😭) (also if u arent blind either i recommend u to ask blind ppl and/or blogs like @/cripplecharacters for advice with this)

big on the ignore it till you make it<3

nooo hes not going blind wdym his vision is awesomeee (this guy cant see shit)

probably hid it for as long as he could bc internalized ableism + pettiness = bad decisions

also this overwhelmed the shit out of him, meltdowns often bc autism aint good yall

didn't get the diagnosis till he was almost not leaving home bc he could barely manage there without seeing, outside was a big fat nope

when he did get it, he already could assume what was happening, but the diagnosis made it real- cue the panic attacks<3

he clyde and tweek decorated his white cane with space stickers to make it fun :) (will always be a sucker for characters decorating their mobility aids im not sorry)

spends his nights looking at the stars, trying to memorize them before he cannot see them at all. the thought of losing them forever terrifies him

insecurity oh my god. his friends have to reassure him they won't leave him after he can't see every other day. little guy acts all confident and craps but oh boy he's actually Not 😭

jimmy teaching him cpunk he's just that awesome<3

"how does he deal with ableism?" well he curls up and sobs actually :) /hj

ppl grabbing his cane would send him in a panic at the beginning

THEY'RE NOT HELPING FFS

went from frozen and almost in tears to cursing them out though; he's vocal about his feelings like that<3

when he's with friends they're typically the ones who proceed to curse them out first btw lmao (possibly trip them too. oopsie 🥰)

holding hands with tweek. yes using the cane is easy but tweek is easier. craig would genuinely trust him with his life yall

he's very used to holding tweek's hand since before too, so not much of a change really :)

learnt how ppl's walking sounds very early on

cartman cannot be normal abt disabilities ever so he probably "pranked" craig a lot early on

he got so much shit from everyone for that though so not anymore

craig and butters bond over it :3 with butters' eye injury and all

(their experiences are not the same but taking into account butters is who has most experience with vision problems in all south park, its the best craig can get atp)

got pissed at like 20 screenreaders until he found one that worked for him

will listen to space documentaries, close his eyes, and imagine everything they say. makes him very happy :)

gets a guide dog later on im not sorry service puppies are the best ever

not gonna learn braille his ass is too lazy lmfao

...these arent a shitton of hcs wdymmmmmmm (sorry for text wall it will happen again)

[xamaxenta]

someone wonders what sexy biker butch ace sees in a dry boring doctor like marco until you see marco roll up after a shift with messy hair and a gravelly voice on her big rumbling motorcycle (aces sexual awakening was marco teaching her to ride a bike at pops garage, marcos arms bracketing hers on the handlebars and ace is a big girl she got big ass shoulders but she feels Small boxed in by marco like that. boobs pressed against her back soft hair brushing her cheek low raspy voice in her ear saying Yeah Thats It, Give It A Little More Gas, one hand over aces on the accelerator What Are You Waiting For, Baby, Rev It Up the engine roars underneath them and ace feels like shes gonna cum in her pants right there .trying very hard not to make it too obvious (its obvious) marco chuckles. Feels Good, Yeah? ace leaves a wet smear on the leather seats.) and then you see the good doctor marco grab this metal studded leather wearing beastly butch, grips her by the face and shoves her tongue so far down her throat ace whimpers

got carried away with the marco part but i believe in equality SOOOO

sabo/ace doesnt make sense to anyone until you see sabo fighting dirty and playing dirty, shes got usbs of covert info tucked into her bra cups and a camera hidden under the drape of her dress, enough she just has to lift a leg and lets the split up the thigh spill open, drags a finger down and clicks a photo and no one is paying enough attention to anything other than her red lips and pretty blue eyes and that looooooong long leg.. ace picks her up in an alleyway on her bike as sabo walks out twirling her heels splattered in blood, lipstick smeared and shiny blonde hair clearly ripped at in a fight, bottom half of her dress torn clean off to give her better mobility and access to the messy knives strapped up and down her bloody, sticky, torn stocking thighs and she says Hey Handsome, Can I Get A Ride? and ace, no self preservation, ABSOLUTELY takes her home and fucks her against the counter till the neighbors send noise complaints

w-who are you???

genuinely im speechless wh

Where do i even start marco showing Ace how to handle a big gas guzzler motorcycle

Or that Ace is a big girl with those shoulders HELP IM YELLIN HOOTIN HOLLERIN

Or Sabo calling butch Ace handsome

This is overloading my brain i cant function

[jovenshires]

You’ve probably been asked this before but what’s like your fanfic writing process?? Like how do you end up writing your fanfictions?

i actually haven't but i'd be happy to talk about it!! i'm actually writing fic right now, so here's what i've done in the past like. hour. im gonna put it under the cut bc its EXTREMELY long but if you ever wanted 'katie's guide to fic writing,' here it is!

i'm pretty easily distracted, so i've gotta make sure i'm in like. The Right Conditions. that means phone face down or away if i can (rn i've got to be on call in case my boss needs smth but you get the gist) bc i WILL just open tiktok or play a mobile game. even just now writing this answer i have picked up my phone and opened pinterest. i cannot be stopped so i try to stay off it and put it down when i catch myself!!

more and more often i cant even listen to music while i write - partly bc i tend to read my work aloud to myself to make sure it sounds right and partly bc my brain will be like "you know this song omg the words are in your brain" or "you should go look at what song this is bc you kinda like it". cannot trust myself even with sound. if i AM listening to music while i write, it's either the specific playlist for that fic, playlists with the right vibes (ex: rivals-to-lovers for iwks), OR anime openings bc. less likely to get distracted when it's not in english tbh.

(huge on all of the senses so i also usually have a candle lit. im super sensitive to smells so if there's an unpleasant smell somewhere around me i will be unable to focus <3)

all that being said about distractions, i think it's important to take breaks - dont just FORCE yourself to write. that's why i'm huge on setting goals for myself - deadlines, word count goals, timed breaks. like "okay im gonna sprint write for 10 minutes and then after that ill watch some of this danny gonzalez video" or "i'll write until 3:30 and then i should go take a break and read a book." im not always faithful to my goals but i try my best!!

as for the actual writing itself, i typically just go for it. i can usually see an image in my mind and i try my best to write that out/describe it as best i can. and then if it sounds wrong i just reword it again and again until i've got it. this is kind of where my reading aloud bit comes in - if it sounds right when you say it out loud, that generally means it sounds right in the text.

sometimes i'll just have a certain scene or just scraps of dialogue and i'll write that out and be like "okay how did they get here." i never embraced writing out of order until recently, but now that i have. no going back tbh i highly recommend it. rwylm and iwks especially had scenes WAY later down the line that i wrote first. just write what comes naturally and go from there.

occasionally i do outlines, but not super often, and when i do they're vague as hell. i think a lot of my iwks outline was just "game" and then "another game but tommy is there this time." i think outlines that go too in-depth kind of take away from the freedom of writing so. if it's for you then slay but its usually not for me

i try not to worry too hard about. the style/grammar/little things as i go. of course im guilty of this and i'll stop and edit my own works along the way sometimes but i've found it's best if you keep writing and then go back later!!

sometimes when i'm writing a new smosh cast member i'll go back and watch videos/compilations of them just to reorient my brain. i've done this a lot with chanse recently!! but i also think. it really isn't that deep too NSDKFNKNK like these are fictionalized versions of fictionalized selves and so on and so forth so don't worry about 'voice' too much im trying to kick that habit myself

EDIT: oh i've talked about this before but. as for ideas/where my fic ideas come from?? i truly try to grab from my every day life. oh i went to the grocery store today? what if smosh member a and smosh member b went to the grocery store. i watched a horror movie and you know who else could do that. otherwise i pull from music/movies/tv shows/other media and be like 'this but for smosh.' i really just be pulling from my life and repackaging it thats all. start small (haircut fic) and work your way up (homoerotic soccer epic)!

and i think that's it?? i'd like to think im pretty chill about the whole thing. (read: i am not chill in any way at all but im trying my best.) anyway, it's something i'm always happy to talk about - thank you for asking!!

[couchie]

as an on-and-off elbow crutch user, lemme tell yall abt my experiences

it got kinda long so im putting it in the read-more

it slows you down

especially in stairs, you have to put both your feet in one step to go to the next. that means it takes me twice the time to go up or down stairs than an abled bodied person, and that is when they're not speeding

you really cant speed much, be it on flat road or on stairs. it doesnt speed u up much and the only thing that happens is you get tired from using so much effort

people having to wait for you makes you self-conscious, even if they are understanding about it

carrying anything is a nightmare. backpacks can throw your balance off. you cannot hang a bag on the handles of your crutches cause you have to LIFT those bitches. and if you're only using one crutch, carrying the bag in the empty hand also throws you off balance

you only have a maximum of one hand available at all times

you need people to get out of the way. you need more moving space and standing space for moving with crutches

the crutches make your hands sore. you're carrying your weight with them after all. you can need to take a moment to rest only to soothe your palms, even if your legs arent tired

sitting is always a hassle with leg injuries, and that becomes a bigger mess when you need to also find a non-obstructive place to put your crutches to. they need to be easily accessible to you

standing up is also very hard. it depends on what your disabilities are but the faster you find a way to comfortably stand up, the better

people *will* try and take your crutches. Do Not do that. i dont care if you're fascinated by them or if you wanna play around and swing urself or if u wanna hold onto them while i sit. unless i explicitly ask you to, do Not take my crutches. and if you do, don't set it down anywhere, hand it off to somebody else, or leave it somewhere i cant get to. wait for further instructions. do i want you to put them at somewhere specific? do i want you to give them back to me? do what i want you to with them, nothing more and nothing less

people get curious and it gets really tiring to answer the same questions. i dont owe you an explanation and i dont want your curiosity or your pity

yes it's real sad that your distant relative also had one accident so they had to use crutches too. yeah there are canes and underarm crutches and wheelchairs but this is what i am using. yes people may need them for different reasons and it's not your place to judge or question it. can i please keep walking?

crutches get dirty from being used everywhere and the handles sweaty from your palms and they need cleaning

you will get looks no matter what aid you are using

idk if it's just me but going downhill is very hard with crutches. uphill too but when it's downhill i'm also afraid of falling and rolling downhill 😭

getting in and out of cars is a hassle. btw, for safety, you should put your crutches on the ground under your feet

acquiring a shower stool might just be what you need. also get non-slip plastic rugs to lay on the bathtub/shower floor. getting someone to help you shower isnt shameful

if you drop something, woe is you. where do you put your crutches? how do you crouch to get them? the best thing to do, in that case, is to ask for help. people wont mind, believe me. and if you're alone, be careful and take your time

creaky crutches are the worst💔💔

being able to walk without crutches doesnt mean ur faking. not having more pain without crutches doesnt mean ur faking. stop being so hard on yourself

it's not our duty to educate people. if you're so curious go do a basic google search before questioning me. because, consider how many times i get the same questions in the same day

seeing another mobility aid user brings a sense of belonging and you bring the same feeling to people without visible disabilities

be unapologetically yourself. take up space. dont be sorry for needing aid

take care. i love you 🫶

[noodleshark]

Terror fam Headcannons 3

or i guess facts, since theyre my ocs now.

Raffi has an animal special interest

He has thought about what animals him and his family would be VERY IN DEPTH

Sori is awful with names

She named herself after her special interest(her name is sound in korean and her special interest is music)

She heard paru say the japanese word for friend before and picked up on it, you'll never guess what she came up with when yujin asked for a new name

When they get a cat, he names it the korean word for CAT

oh speaking of sori knowing korean: Raffi is Malaysian, Raine is brazilian, Yujin is british, sori's korean, obviously, and paru is japanese and british

Sori does not know shes korean

Raine can't spell in english and sori cant spell at all

Raffi likes bugs and refuses to wear bug spray. but then he'll get annoyed about being itchy from bites

During any holiday with fireworks he throws those popit things at raine's feet.

Raine would wear shoes in bed if paru didnt tell her she wont snuggle with her if she does that

Sori does that thing where sometimes if she wants to cuddle she'll just go inbetween those 2

one of the things from being a monster for a lil bit(design change pending), she can purr now!

When she was little she had a cat but she got seperated when she was 6

when raffi sees yujins eyes for the first time he just goes "harbor seal"

in july raine started to try to teach sori how to swim

Sori had an ED for a while so when one day he(nervously) asked raine to make something specific for one of their meals she was like "🥺 yeah of course!!!"

she always made them what they wanted when they asked for like 2 months

Along with the ED it also helped with sori's issues with control!!!

Oh related to the harbor seal comment: When Yujin saved sori from the bullies(name and lore change is an eventuality, those names are stand ins) she had a concussion and could see his eyes she was just like "kitty!!!"

Raine has seen multiple kids die from sicknesses so she gets very anxious when one of the others get sick

she usually can't sleep and just sits by their bed just to know they're still breathing

Yujin has a BIG sweet tooth

but he CANNOT handle sour stuff

whenever raffi has some sour candy he begs for some and raffi always warns him, yet yujin eats it anyways. everytime

When they have campfires together people switch out to sit with yujin because he's afraid of fire

Paru has picked up on some portugese from raine's flashbacks

she cant converse in the language though because its only stuff like "die" "died" "dead" "parents" "theyre dead" "im gonna die" "help (me)" "theyre gonna kill me"

Sori gets mobility aids when she's 11

Yujin likes outer space

he probably has a space blanket and telescope

Sori has a weighted blanket!

She puts it around herself when shes scared or upset about something that makes touch feel gross at the moment

Sori loves plushies and probably has the most cat plushies out of any animal or anything

She kept an orange cat plushie the broadcaster got when she was in the radio station with him

when raffi has flashbacks or freaks out really bad in a way that isnt a sensory meltdown, sori hides under a blanket or leaves the room so she wont freak him out more

one time she didnt, either it took her too long to realize what was happening or the first time it happened and he screamed as soon as he saw her

Raffi's worst sensory expirence is usually bright lights while Sori's is loud noises

Raine sometimes sings sori to sleep

When sori is cuddling with someone, espicially raine and paru but this also applies to yujin, it is SO hard for them to move bc they'll make a sleepy grumbly noise and also theyre baby, this is even worse during bad pain days

Raine eventually just started to carry sori around.

one time paru and raine had to have a serious conversation(about one of sori's traumas that paru just found out about and raine knew for a while) but sori was laying on paru's thigh so she just covered his ears

Yujin had a tough time transitioning to having his own room bc fears about being alone so he slowly adjusted by sleeping in sori's room a lot and slowly started to sleep in his more

Paru thinks that curly-afrotextured hair is fun to style to she likes to mess around with raine's

[chipsonthemenu]

tell me about your headcanons!!

EHEWHEEHHE HI AURORA THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME YELL

okay so basic list stuff:

chip: he/him transmasc greyaroace bi and has. some sort of back problems. also his pinkie that i keep forgetting about! also adhd too bro has 0 attention span /pos

jay: she/they transfem bisexual and BBBAD KNEE....thought she had this in canon but i might be mixing them up with mari omori.....occasional mobility aids that ollie helped her decorate :3

gil: any pronouns agender aroace but is very down for qprs. autism as hell <3 also probably other stuff i cant think of rn OH GLASSES GIL FR

ollie: THEY/THEM GENDERQUEER UNLABELLED SCREAMING IT FROM THE ROOFTOPS THE LITTLE BOY THE KEEP ONNTHE SHIP IS A GENDERNEUTRAL TERM DO YOU SEE MY VISION. also probably needs glasses. to me. and heavily adhd n autism

drey: they/them nb unlebelled nblm. gots their arms yk 👍 also kinda strikes me at nd in some way fight me on this

gryffon: okay. hear me out. they/he/she nb panromantic asexual. please. do you see my vision. also their arm and autism. gryffon is autism do you hear me.

finn: he/she genderfluid pansexual bro is a whore. also love the idea of fully mute finn and she is autism as FUCK DO YOU HEAR MEEEE

earl: nobody escapes from my queerness beam not even earl. he/him cismasc bisexual. bad back bad knees uses a cane. old man shit but also he hits people with the cane and uses it when making juice sometimes. ollie put fruit stickers all over it once and he actually kinda likes it but will never say that

queen: MY LOVE. MY ONE AND ONLY. ANY PRONOUNS PANGENDER AROACE. THEY HAVE AUTISM AND TICS (IM BLANKING ON WHAT THATS CALLED) AND STRIKES ME AS SOMEONE WHO NEEDS MOBILITY AIDS BUT I DONT KNOW WHAT FOR. XE ARE JUST LIKE ME FR AND I LOVE HER WITH EVERYTHING IN MY BEING

lizzie: she/her transfem lesbian. shit vision not jusy due to her eye but just in general. refuses to wear glasses

caspian: they/he libramasc achillean demisexual :) sssooooo many jrwi characters strike me as mobility aid users despite me not being one and caspian is no exceptionnnnnnn to this

john: sorry bee but. he/him cismasc VERY VERY GAY. MARSHALL JOHN IS A MAN LIKER. ALSO VERY AUTISM AND ADHD

niklaus: throwing in motherfucker too because i do have stuff. she/they/lun/he transfem genderfluid bisexual. thats it

i thibk thats everyone i wanted to yell about lmk OH FUCK ALPHONSE

alphonse: dont care. doing the silly. it/they/he agender aroace i do not care if they are the boat now it deserved better and he gets my headcanons

okay thats everyone i think thank you for letting me scream <3

LIED. LIED SO BAD.

jaz: JASMINE DRAAAAKE <3 he/they transmasc gay with autism and why do i see him having a prosthetic arm. no idea why okay i think thats ACTUALLY everyone now

edyn: she/e cisfem sapphic HOW DID I ALMOST FORGET HERRRRR

ensa: omg her. they/she transfem nb lesbain asexual. got her prosthetic leg and probably adhd

kira: SHE/THEY TRANSFEM SAPPHIC KIRA IS A WOMAN KISSER mwa love her

okay. goodbye fr this time i promise

wait no i wanna do the apoth crew too as an apotheosis enjoyer

peter: they/he transmasc demiboy with so much autism that likes men. also probably post-campaign cane user the shit they went through can fuck someone up

rumi: any pronouns genderfluid pansexual. there is some sort of thing i think they have (i dont think its imposter syndrome) but its something about never actually seeing herself because changeling shit yk idk

thanatos: it/they unlabelled :) doesnt need labels doesnt want em :)

OKAY. I THINK THATS IT FUCK EXANDROTH RESPECTFULLY OKAY WAHOO HOPE YOU ENJOYED MY UNGODLY LONG POST

[awoooooubliette]

i have,,,, a few thoughts about the new discord layout, and im sure you guys do too. i think it is borderline unusable, it is not “intuitive” and “streamlined” or whatever the fuck, and i’m genuinely really angry about it. if you guys AT ALL feel similarly, please send discord some feedback. i just sent some (i will attach my veritable essay of a response after this) and i NEVER do that. i can count the number of times i’ve sent feedback on one hand. but i’m angry, and i feel like it will help, so i did.

verbatim what i sent:

“THIS IS NOT JUST ABOUT AESTHETICS, THAT WAS JUST THE ONE THAT FELT RIGHT.

it doesn’t look like discord anymore, it looks like something else and it’s making me not want to use discord on mobile at all. i downloaded discord on mobile so that i could have something that worked the same as on computer, just smaller. and now it’s gone, the new layout is stressful, the stupid swipe to reply thing got rid of a whole entire facet of how i use discord, and the fact that you CANT CHANGE IT BACK is absolutely ridiculous. at least be smart about it and have the option there and collect data around who does and does not want to use it. additionally, having all the navigation buttons at the bottom was a stupid choice. they were fine where they were. and dms feels like it’s another platform entirely and i dont like it. also i heard from a friend that the “midnight” theme was already already a thing on android? so trying to pass it off as something new is disingenuous to say the least.

another problem is with the pins. the old way of organizing them was good! in this one, you can’t see images, and in dms it doesn’t differentiate between who sent what message. bad design.

ALSO also, the message search/ selecting pins is broken (if it’s on purpose it’s just *bad*). why does it take you to another…. tab, basically, of the same messages? and why whenever you hit the back arrow (even in settings, once, to get out of a section) does it take you all the way back to the main messaging area???

i’m so sorry to whoever has to read this ridiculously long complaint, but you guys fucked up your own site. it is borderline unusable. please do not change the computer version of discord, because i will have to leave for my own sanity and i don’t want to do that. i genuinely love discord but the change is (in the words of a blog i follow) worse than tumblr rolling out tumblr live. and look how much people hated that one.”

and i sent a second bit because i forgot about the stupid ass swiping/reply thing:

“the swiping to reply is redundant, and not being able to see all of the people you’re talking to feels isolating and i can already feel disconnected from the community in some of the larger servers i am in”

[torchickentacos]

SV SPOILER WHERE I TALK ABOUT PLOT BUT IM ON MOBILE AND CANT DO A READ MORE. S C R O L L P A S T IF YOU DONT WANT A MAJOR SPOILER. EDIT THERE ARE MANY SPOILERS HERE. MANY. I’m SERIOUS. SCROLL PAST IF YOU DON’T WANT THAT. also I’m not done with the game yet so no postgame stuff spoiled please. I avoided most spoilers for this long lol. I don’t want to ruin it RIGHT before I play it.

——-

OK first off TURNS OUT I figured out the entire starfall plot around the second/third fight. I mean I still need to go battle penny so details may be off but I got the gist of it. My sister and I joke I have a sixth sense for video game plot points (see: I clocked Volo immediately. No reason, just by vibes. I said he was too nice and beni was too mean. She made fun of me for distrusting them for opposite reasons BUT I WAS RIGHT) but I told her the first time I did a star raid: “ok so I think penny is Cassiopeia because we see her immediately as a supply rep and like. She FEELS underused as a main character she was marketed as and so I feel like she’s cassiopeia.” Shortening to cass because Cassiopeia is long. AND THEN penny said something about hacking, and cass hacked our phones, so that solidified that for me. So raid 1, I knew cassiopeia. It was raid 2-ish I wondered if penny was the big boss because she knew the squads so well as Cassiopeia. So, I thought. If she’s the boss AND Cass why would she want them taken down. I kind of knew team star was like. Outcasts, dialogue hinted at it and later it was confirmed they were bullied, raid 3 ish? So we knew this at raid 2/3: bullied outcasts, but they’re seen as bad ones and don’t go to school anymore. But penny goes to school. Presumably without her friends. And she sees how they are seen as bad. So if she disbands team star, they can come back to school with her. Right? So, as the boss, she wants it disbanded and made Cassiopeia to do that. Safe to say, my sister would have thought I looked up spoilers if this wasn’t a thing I do consistently in games. By raid 4/5 it’s more obvious but I AM proud of clocking it by raid 3. And that’s how I Shawn-Spencer’ed my way into spoiling the entire starfall street plot for myself way earlier than I maybe should have?????? Or maybe everyone figured it out and I’m proud over nothing idk. Other guesses for plot stuff: I know some of the Sada stuff on accident (it’s like the only spoiler I saw bc it was unavoidable) NOT ALL OF IT THOUGH AND I HAVE NOT GOTTEN TO THAT PART YET. JUST BATTLED ARVEN but GOSH her face moves… Not humanly. Guess 2: area 0 is a portal to the past or present depending on your game version. Or both. Something’s up with the east paldean sea too because it won’t let me in. That isn’t even a guess, I just know it’s some area 0 shit. Next game guess: I know sada is like. AI???? A robot??? Or something? But idk how, missed that. My guess is, something either to do with koraidon’s battle form getting lost and weakened, somehow linked, or like. She sequestered herself into area 0 to study but either rogue tech from her research took over her body (like the metal stuff from the book kalahari. Has anyone else read that.) or she willingly made herself a robot to keep doing her research since she loves it above all else, surrendering not only her family but her body and mortality to her work. Idk though, will find out in probably 2/3 days at this rate???? This is a long game lol. ANYWAYS thanks anyone who hung out until the end

[fag-on-goth-action]

🔪 KNIFE - how do they react to injury / misfortune befalling their loved ones (significant other, family, friends)? do they put themselves at blame?

🙈 SEE-NO-EVIL - whats a side of your oc that they don't want to show other people?

🙊 SPEAK-NO-EVIL - what is something your oc will refuse to stay quiet about?

🙉 HEAR-NO-EVIL - what is the worse thing your oc could hear from someone?

for all your OCs <3

🔪

ok so all of them but wes has dealt with that. so this is easy

Lilith- denies it happens doesn't put herself at blame and acts like nothing changed

Marr- shuts down and does a lot of stupid things to fix it but makes things worse

Am- takes all the blame feels guilty and then inflicts the same pain or what she thinks is equivalent pain upon her self

Wes- drinks. a lot.

🙈

oh this is easy they r all hiding sooo much

Lilith- the fact that she's a trans woman obvi but she is trans and queer and all that shit as Lea so that's a cop out. Hers is how she has never truly processed things. ever since she got bit the years have blurred and she doesn't know 78 from 09 well because Am had the same haircut or whatever and she thinks she's been going crazy for so long she's horrified about how bad it is

Marr - Ever since she got cursed to be unable to do the things she loves ( makeup, hair, acting, singing ) she has acted really chill about it and she knows that she hasn't done them in so long so she's fallen out of love but god when things get bad she will cry for hours after trying to sing a song. it devastates her even if parts of that curse have become regular parts of her life, like her makeup being messed up is part of her brand, some days she wants to just look classically pretty and she wants to feel like the woman she used to be and it breaks her.

Am- Context is in my world vampires acquire parts of their greatest fear and desire. for this you gotta know Am's biggest fear is dying alone and without true love. she has taken refuge in platonic bonds but oh my god the day she found out Wes was her soulmate she broke down. She was incapable of having the love of her life ever. she said she would never meet her soulmate and if she did she would kill them, but you can't kill another vampire as a vampire. it's an act only witches or humans can do. And then shit, they are best fucking friends. the worst part is Wes is bound to her until the world ends. he will never experience love that is true, and because Am is always around he's constantly subconsciously comparing his romance to how he feels for her, which is impossible to beat. she can't tell him.

Wes- he's my least fledged out little guy but oh my god he is so incapable of anything past first base and like that wasn't a part of his curse! he doesn't know what's up he just can't feel a lot of things for people man. only time he remembers being good at sex was with Am but she's probably a sex god or something. he can't figure out love and it's pissinf him off

🙊

Lilith- she seriously needs to stop talking about how she helped with jfk in bars she's gonna get arrested soon

Marr - one of these days she'll finally get someone to believe her and be sober enough to see her magic in clubs shes sooo bad at hiding being a witch

Am- WE.DONT.CARE.YOU.WERE.AT.9/11.SO WAS EVERYONE ELSE IN THSI HOUSE AM AND YOU RAN LIKE A PUSSY WHILE WE WATCHED

wes- im so sorry shut up about yr highschool band it was soooo bad u did violin covers of beetles songs

🙉

Lilith- the details of what happened to marr when she was deported and had to live in russia from 57-73. that would break her so hard.

Marr- What happened to the kids who cursed her

Am- Where her brother is ( she thinks he's dead )

Wes- that his fuckinf band sucks shit

okaaayy that was so long sorry but i'm on mobile i cant do cut :(

[lipiaknight]

A document of all the abuse ive been dealing with.

Mobility aids

ive told my bf many, many times not to adjust the height of my cane and crutches to fuck with me. He does it anyway because "seeing you wobble is cute" ive told him so many times why its not cute and its incredibly dnagerous to me, but he goes "yeah, but you always adjust it when you change your shoes, how is this any different" for referance, i have a set of demoldable skates that change my height by a good 5-6 inches when open, so i adjust my crustches and cane to accomidate. i wear them when going out for longer time periods because if my legs get tired or my hips start to hurt, i can lock my legs and just skate around. For shorter trips, or around the house, i obvously wear flat shoes, and dont have the extra height, so i adjust them lower its annoying as hell. i also tell him not to put weight on my crutches specifically because i have a wide rubber foot, and theres a weight limit before it will start to rip. when he holds one of my crutches (like if im going to pick someting up, or pay for something) he leans against it. Last time i got mad, he said "its not that expencive to replace the foot, just get a new one" run down to vent chat if you want a very long and in dept explination as to why that is problematic hes 50 lbs over the weight limit, btw

Isolation and lack of aid

Yeah, when my car broke down, i asked if they could help pay to fix my car so i could still work. That way i could get a job in tulsa. I was told no. Every time i asked to borrow the car, and said i could handle something myself, i was forced to have bf or gf go with me. Any time i asked specifically to go alone so i could run errands like get shots, set up appointments and such, i was told no. I even went out of my way to schedule my last doctors appointment when they werent going to be home bcause they had a date and they cancled it so they would be there when i left and when i got back. I planned on walking home and enjoying the sunny day, but they didnt let me walk because it was too far. Not even a mile, and i had my crutches. I tried making friends at my old workplace, but i was working with my bf as the manager, and he repremanded the one friend i had for wasting time on the clock while chatting with me. Its why i have no friends.

The original "i need help" summary

so, first things first. Im not able to work a job down here. I cant make any money, and so because the people im living with refuse to help with medical expences, all my tests and medical equipment is getting stalled. I dont even have my own dresser because ive been told to "get it yourself" when i have no reasonable way to make money. The only thing i can reliably do is comissions and streaming, and even then, income isnt consistant, and its barely enough to cover the medical expences i have. On top of that, when we needed to budget, one of the things that were "limited" were meal replacement shakes, which, when i have days i cant eat at all, is the only way i get neutriance in my system. Im scolded and yelled at when i dont push my body to the point of collapsing, and when i do collapse, im coddled like a child because im injured when it could have been prevented. When i said that what im experiancing is financial abuse because they refuse to support me in the ways that i need and my EBT card is used without my knowlege, my bf threatened to get violent. Even directly told me he wanted to wake me by putting a hole through the door. Im not allowed to vent to friends, and all my social media is watched without my consent, even after i tell them not to because of how my therapist taught me to manage my anger. When i got angry about the ableism and abuse, i was told i have narsisstic, self victimising tendancies, and im scared that ill be put in a place where not even my basic needs are met. its been slowly getting worse and worse over the past 2 years, but i finally feel like its bad enough to reach out

Boundry crossing

i told (my gf) not to go through my DM's when i first moved in because 1) i dont have my old groomers blocked, and i have (cw, grooming bullshit) pictures and messages of me when i was a minor in various states of undress, places where i vent and say things in the worst possible way thanks to autism and the way i process language (example calling it financial abuse when im not given an allowance to buy medical supplies and not having a consistant income as well as them taking my EBT card and using it without my input) and also just... generally flirting with ppl because im poly and i know she has jealousy issues, and instead of respecting that, she did it anyway, and didnt feel guilty till bf said he was dissapointed in her. THEN she told me, and was STILL angry about the way i talked about her, and what i said

unreasonable list of responcibilities while my needs are sidelined

Me: ah yes, My disability making me unable to do chores is the problem, and not the internalised ableism that you aknowlege and refuse to confront because youre tired from work. Get into therapy/nbh context: the only ongoing argument between my gf and i is that she wants me to clean more. The expectations of me are, and i quote

-vaccum every 3 days (the vaccum is to heavu and i have repepatedly asked for a lighter one so i can)

-wash and put away the dishes (hands over head make me pass out. I have broken dishes before. That and i have alot of trauma around doing dishes as a task, so i get really bad anxiety and they ignore me asking for comfort)

-feed, water, animals as well as take care of litter (but im not alowed to claim the animals are mine? because that makes her upset?)

-take out trash every other day (trash doesnt filll that often, and ive been fighting for me to have healther food and drinks so theres less waste. I create less than a quarter of the waste in this house)

-meal prep for BF to cook (and also make their work lunches, and take care of portioning ect)

ALL OF THIS while also having a physical disability that makes it incredibly difficult to stand / walk without pain, in a house that is so unaccessable that- on days i can get out of bed but barely, i cant leave my room because of steps and caving in floors, and STILL doing my youtube, twitch, AND comission carreer. Shes getting upset that im not able to do it all and is CONSTANTLY lecturing me because she "doesnt want to treat (me) like a child, but (im) acting like one by not helping out" i cant even fucking move away because theres no accessable jobs in my area and my previous jobs arent an option anymore because of how covid affected the people i worked for. i keep telling her to get into therapy for her PTSD and for her ableism, but ONE failed therapist appointment means she compleatly fucking dropped out. what makes it worse is that my BF is encouraging this behavior. by not telling her off i mean

Person 1: that's too much chores like objectively that is a not sustainable or normal amount of chores. also the animal thing is concerning too

Me: BuT tHeY wOrK 8 hOuRs a DaY. i ShOuLd Be AbLe To HaNdLe It (translation: but they work 8 hours a day. I should be able to handle it)

Person 1: she also shouldn't be infantilizing you for having issues regulating a large amount of tasks. are they much older than you?. youre still quite young, is that your first time living alone?

Me: im 20. shes 35 and hes 38 (yes i recognise how problematic that is)

Person 2 (responding to person 1) Definitely not for sure. Might be reasonable for an able bodied person maybe, but definitely not reasonably with your disability.

Person 1: age gaps can work when the relationship is built on trust, communication, and understanding.

Person 1 (responding to person 2): meal prep plus dishes plus vacuuming every three days is already a not normal amount

Me (responding to person 1): kinda? i lived in an apartment with a roomate before this, but she was a VERY tidy person, and we both owned very few things, and the apartment was highly accessable. The bathroom was even a reporpoused walk in closet, so i could have had a wheelchair if i wanted at the time and been able to navigate fine

Person 2: Everyone in my house has allergies, especially to dust, and my mom only vacuums once a week, so every 3 days seems ridiculous.

Me: we have 3 animals that we dont groom, and theyre allergic to pollen. They want me to care for the pollen... instead of... i dunno, not getting a hottub and saving up for an air purifier?

Person 1: this is sounding more and more like they want a live-in cleaner. them choosing to work 8 hour shifts does not mean you don't get to have choices and a life

Me: BTW, did i mention they got a hottub? like... less than a week ago? after i had been asking for a fucking dresser for months because i dont have anywhere to put my clean clothes and towels and the pet hair on my skin after i shower causes meltdowns

Person 2: Chores should be split equitably, not equally. (2 people responded with a This emote)

Me: it doesnt even have to be brand fucking new. I will be happy with a 50$ dresser covered in shitty paint from goodwill. i just need a place i can put my clean clothes. Also, did i mention that theres wasps on the back porch, where the drier is? and my family has a history of being allergic to wasps? so i panic when i go out there to wash, dry and put away laundry that i cant even fucking put away, and they treat it like im fucking manipulating them. im sorry that i dont know if im allergic or not and ther seriousness of the allergy has put people in the er and even killed family members, and im not willing to risk that. They like "just do laundry at night" as if its not too cold to walk outside. THEY DONT EVEN DO LAUNDRY AT NIGHT BECAUSE ITS TOO FUCKING COLD. they expect my coping mechanisms to make me healthy and normal. They dont realise im fucking coping, not healing.

Me (responding to person 2): but its easy for them! should be easy for me!! /sarc

Person 1: (My name censored) I gotta say this doesn't sound like a safe situation for you to be in. (person 2 agrees)

Me: its not. It never fucking was. Heres a bit of fun math for you! i turn 21 in august. my bf and i's 3 year anneversary will be the following january. my options at the time when i moved in with them were to either move back in with my mom (which was objectivly worse than this) or drive 14 hours, alone (because my gf didnt want to drive an hour in the snow to fly bf to drive with me) and have a place to stay with people who said they loved me, or become houseless. I was in a tripple loose situation. and now im fucking stuck. Im undervalued, scolded constantly, unsafe due to both location and their behavior, and unable to work or drive because my junker of a car died. Im stuck and theres nothing i can do. i just... im tired. i dont want to be here. I want to be able to move somewhere that i will be safe and get the care i need

More information on the "messing with my disability aids" from earlier

Me: ive told my bf many, many times not to adjust the height of my cane and crutches to fuck with me. He does it anyway because "seeing you wobble is cute". i just-...

Person A: ????? thats so fucked up

Person B: What the actual fuck??

Person A: "seeing you struggle to walk even more than usual is amusing to me" thats what that means

Person B: "I broke your kneecaps because it's adorable watching you struggle 📷"

Person A: my wife wont even touch my mobility aids without asking

Me: ive told him so many times why its not cute and its incredibly dnagerous to me, but he goes "yeah, but you always adjust it when you change your shoes, how is this any different"

Person A: that's.......not the same thing... one is getting dressed and ready to go out somewhere, and the other is being harassed and having to fix what was messed up

Me: for referance, i have a set of demoldable skates that change my height by a good 5-6 inches when open, so i adjust my crustches and cane to accomidate. i wear them when going out for longer time periods because if my legs get tired or my hips start to hurt, i can lock my legs and just skate around. For shorter trips, or around the house, i obvously wear flat shoes, and dont have the extra height, so i adjust them lower. its annoying as hell. i also tell him not to put weight on my crutches specifically because i have a wide rubber foot, and theres a weight limit before it will start to rip. when he holds one of my crutches (like if im going to pick someting up, or pay for something) he leans against it. Last time i got mad, he said "its not that expencive to replace the foot, just get a new one". hes 50 lbs over the weight limit, btw

Person C: i’ll beat his ass

Me: i would encourage it, but im still living with him. not yet. gimme 2 months

Person A: i hate to ask this kind of question, but if hes treating you that way is not being with him an option?

Me: siigh. (not at you, jsut alot of info hang on)

Person A: u don't have to answer if u don't want to. no pressure

Me: so, i am working on running away. In order to do so, ive done the math and to get on my feet, ill need between 2 and 2.5k$. 2.5k if were including transportation (my food will be covered by SNAP) I have a plane tiket out on the 20th, and i have a place to stay. Im not sharing my entire plan in this discord because my discord DM's are read. Not my servers, though, but im not willing to play with the chances of my plan being ruined. Im working on getting a job now, and fundraising to get the 2.5 needed to cover my first months expences via both comissions and donations, but its not going anywhere. im at 400 now. Thats it. if i break up with him, ill be kicked out. If i bring up the fact that im being abused, he will get violent. He already has in the past and swung at me. I cant work where i live due to lack of a car and lack of accessable jobs. Im in the process of running away now. just takes time. "why dont you get out sooner?" saving money takes time. Plus, my aunt is the one buying the ticket. I want to avoid holiday prices. more likely ill get a bit extra once im down here "what took you so long to realise it was bad?" love bombing and getting into a relationship with a 35 and 37 year old at 18 when i didnt know their ages and they didnt say when asked, "Has he hit you before?" no. Hes swung and missed, hit walls, put holes in doors and furnature, but hasnt techincally hit me yet. I dont expect that to last. "are you safe right now?" as long as i keep my head down and mouth sut about my plans, yes. Ill be fine (edited)

Person A: wow, im sorry you're having to go through that, but im proud of you for taking the steps you're taking. its incredibly difficult to do what youre doing, but you'll be better off for it (edited)

Me: i just wish the fundraising was working. also, clearifying that ill be leaving january 20th, not dec 20th

Person A: i hope you're able to make up the money

Me: ive been referring to it as "the 20th" with my friends to make it harder to discern. Also, all of my dm's about the situation have been in code, as well as cyphered. for F, i just use enji, for T i use enji plus a 6- cypher, and pictography using emotes plus enji for M1 (names of my friends cencored for my safety)

Person A: that's pretty cool!

Me: this is now the third time ive had to run away somewhere else for my own safety. Its jut the first time ive had to do so with so few resources. Im really good at runaway notes, cryptography, and secret messages. when i post on tiktok, i use the simplist secret code there is so my bf and gf cant see it. just... write out your message with the first letter of a sentance

My public harrassment being brushed off and ignored

Me: The thing that pisses me off, is the one time I tried to use the scooter at Walmart because I was shopping for he house alone for the first time in a while, I got scolded by an employee for not walking. When I explained that I hurt myself getting out of my car, otherwise I would use my mobility aids, she said "if you're hurt, go to the doctor. Don't be lazy" then stormed off. This was before I was medicated for my anxiety, so I just had a panic attack. I mean... How does one even respond to that???

Person W: run her over

Person Y: eat her

Person X: (replying to person W) Not with the scooter, with a car

Me: This is the same worker who saw me without my cane on a good day and asked where it was because, and I quote "I thought all you crippleds need those"

Person Y: wtf

Person Z: Going to a doctor isn't an immediate thing. You don't get hurt and then immediately see a doctor and immediately get treated. It doesn't work like that. And injuries don't immediately go away the moment that you see a doctor either.

Person Y: also has she considered that not all people have access to doctors

Person Z: ^this too

Person Y: ALSO has she considered that doctors can be busy and not have time to see you

Me: She's also the same one who told me I wasn't allowed to wear the demoldable skates I like to use when my mobility is low because I can just lock my knees and be dragged around. Like a wheelchair, but worse!

Person X: You should report her to management. (4 people reacted with a "this" emote)

Me: Fun fact! I am allowed to wear them in Walmart, it's perfectly fine. There's a size limit to the wheels allowed indoors, but it's allowed.

Person W: this is some sort of harassment

Me: Probably.

Person W: you can report it

Person X: this woman never speak again challenge

Me: She doesn't bother me when I'm with my bf and gf, so I didn't bring it up due to anxiety, and Havnt talked to her since I got on meds, but I'm just thinking, and just.... Fuck, man... I let alot of shit slide because of my anxiety in the past that I shouldn't have

Person W: did you tell your partners? they both may be able to help you report it

Me: I did, but their responce was basically "just don't talk to her, you basically never leave the house anyway" which is true, but it was annoying to hear. I dunno, I can't really go anywhere on my own as is, so it's not like anything changes considering how uncomfy she makes me, but still....

threats of violence

M1: The other day I realized That your bf and gf are my siblings in law kind. I think I will show my love by being feral toward them. I will just growl at them and bite them but in a fond way. except your gf. She scares me. Just a little. Not too much because I’m the biggest man

Me: they dont really like you

M1: that’s valid actually. I was just joking. being silly if you will. I’m sorry I didn’t know- I thought they did like me- I was trying to warm up to them and shit /gen. It’s okay that they don’t like me though that’s fine

Me: (context, i had taken an edible to manage my anxiety) Ok, i need to type this out while im still sober, its important. i told them about your financial abuse thing, and it made them both angry. Bf violently so. they basically said to stay out of our relationship, so they dont like you. As far as they know, im not talking to you for a few days. In reality, i wasnt talking to anyone relly, not just you

M1: Oh. I don’t like that they don’t like me because of that.

Me: same here

M1: They don’t have to like me because I’m annoying and not chill n shit. That’s fine. But because I said that they were abusive? And telling me to stay out of it? That’s fucked. I don’t feel like you’re safe there. I don’t like that. Be careful. I wish I could help but the only thing I could do is ask someone to help me help you financially get out. And you don’t know my parents like that and you wouldn’t want their help

Me: Bf desnt want to be called an abuser period. His ex claimed he was an abuser and still uses that as a method of earning money.

M1: that is…. A red flag. so is his ex don’t get me wrong

Me: he was really angry when he heard that. He told me that if it werent for his "spirtual council" (the spirits helping to manage his anger) he would have "put a hole through that door to wake you. Thats how angry i was". He seriously scared me, so i havnt talked to him much since

M1: That’s bad. That’s really bad. You know that right? Like that’s not good

Me: yeah

M1: Okay cool just checking. You wanna leave? Do you want out?

Me: im not entirely sure, if im being honest. i care alot alot, and i do love them, but what he said made me litterally feel sick.

M1: I know

Me: they emphasised that if the idea that they were abusive came from me and not you, the options were to 1) kick me out, 2) force me to get a job and start paying rent and break up with me, or to "call your mom, and have her come pick you up"

M1: That’s horrible. They’re fucking horrible. and I know you love them and I’m sorry

Me: im just... so scared. I know i cant support myself with how bad my body is. and i love them so much. The way Bf kept talking about being so mad he wanted to hurt me, then immedantly relaxed when he heared that the idea came from you.... Fuck, now i remember why these memories were kept from me lol

Closing thoughts

There is so much more, but when i made the deicision to run away, alot of my messages were deleted for my own safety while i make plans. As written above, My DM's are read, and my main account on here is also read without my consent. If you happen to have advice, Please hit up my DM's

[voidselfshipp]

Interdimensional Travelling 101 FT John Constantine

Cw: swearing, smoking , John should be his own cw. Lmk if I missed anything else.

Summary: John Constantine has a once in a lifetime experience.

->Only mutuals allowed to reblog.

♡lovely taglist: @sugar-and-pearls @tex-treasures @mercuryships @malewifehenrycooldown

(Sorry for the long post. Im in mobile)

John hoped that tonight he could get some sleep. For once his mind would shut up and rest.

But of course, He was John Constantine, so no. He wouldnt get some rest.

Just as hes about to fall asleep, something shooks Him to his Core.

His eyes snap Open, And his hand clutches his chest-- what the fuck?-- he whispered.

He could feel magic, raw magic like the kind hes never felt.

John runs to the Window and his eyes scan the Sky for anything. How did he know to look at the Sky?. He just knew.

--What the hell-- he said.

The Sky opened in a circle, its rim colored purple and yellow and something falling from it.

And so he rushed out of the door towards it, running through the streets of london with screams of "what the fuck are you doing!" "Hey asshole!"

Whatever magic caused that rift, it was strong, familiar yet strange.

"An angel?"he thought "why would an Angel be here on earth...and if its not an angel...then what is it?" He turns a corner and into various alleways, and as he re-emerges in a main street, that wave of raw magic hits him again, and his eyes are diverted to its source.

A young woman, sitting on a café drinking some sort of hot chocolate, his eyes scan her.

Besides her Beauty there wasnt anything out of the ordinary with her.

And so, he walks a little closer, the pull of her magic tugging at him as if he was meant to find her.

Non-chalantly John makes his way towards this mysterious woman, and in true constantine fashion he sits infront of her.

--Can I help you with something? -- she sounded sweet and innocent,in her face you could read confusion and Curiosity.

--Dont play dumb, mate-- he started-- who are ya? And whats an Angel doing here?

--Me? an angel? That a compliment?-- She asked raising a brow.

John squints his eyes at her, the magic was there, but it had stop pulling. Upon realizing what she said he jumps a little, and for some reason he feels embarassed-- tell me, who are you?

--Im Jerico, and now answer my question-- she demanded.

--Maybe it was-- he replied with a smirk-- what are you?

--A hum-

--Nuh-uh, I know youre not human, your magic tells me as much

Jerico sighed, her first thought was "What an asshole", her face contorned into a scowl-- is everyone in this dimension such assholes or is it just you?

--Just me, love-- he replied, amused. Clearly its not his first time being called an asshole.

--Well, Mr. Whoever you think you are, why dont you try and guess since you can tell im not human

--Youre not an Angel because by this Point you wouldve smited me already, youre not a demon because yer magic reads as celestial -- he sat back in his chair-- I saw the Sky opening, you wouldnt have anything to do with that now, would you?

--As a matter of fact, I do, whats your veredict?-- she asked anger in her voice. She had only been in this dimension for fifteen minutes and someone had managed to get on her nerves.

And John Constantine was a master at getting on the nerves of people.

--Wait...if yer magic is celestial, and you opened that rift....that Would mean you are a...-- he looked at her with a mix of horror and awe-- no... no you cant be

Jerico has this chesire cat like grin-- oh hes gettin' the picture

--What the hell is a Wayfarer doing here?

--Just came from the Next dimension over, I got bored you see-- she replied-- gotta find a place to stay the night

--You could stay in my place-- he offered.

--Huh? My dude I dont even know your name, and you can read magic which makes me even more concerned

--'m John constantine, and im a sorcerer-- he replied-- I mean you no harm if anythin' yer the first Wayfarer I encounter

--How do I know you wont try to hurt me?

--Well ive been nothing but nice to ya, havent I?

--you and I have very different concepts of being nice to people but..very well-- she finished her drink and soon asked for her Bill.

After paying, both walk toward's Johns appartment, he says-- its a bit of a shithole, be prepared

-- get me any surface and ill fall asleep, im always tired anyway

-- feel that...-- he agreed with a smirk.

And John was telling the truth.

His appartment was kind of a shithole, if he cleaned it and put some love into it the appartment would look way better.

-- Well, ill give you something youve told the truth so far-- she said amused, looking at the protective symbols on the door Sill.

--Its that bad-- he agreed-- well listen, theres one bed and a couch, the couch is shit

--As a good host you'll let me sleep on the bed,right?

Usually, yes, but this is John Constantine-- nah-- he replied.

--Youre such an asshole!-- she said shoulderchecking Him.

-- it adds to my charm-- he replied, lighting a cigarrette-- unless ya wanna share

She stops dead in her tracks and turns to face him.

Her eyes burn with rage, but behind it theres a glint of mischief-- ill race you for it...

--Will you now?-- he asked walking up to her-- yer on...

--One

--Two...

--Three!

Both run towards the bed, both pushing eachother.

John seems to be just about to reach the bed, but he hears a roar, and is pushed back.

All he sees is a lion using his shoulder as a trampolin and as the lion hits the bed it transforms into a brown cat-- AHA!

--thats bloody cheatin'!-- he exclaimed with a mix of amusement and anger.

--As if you didnt also cheat you almost conjured something, I saw it!

He chuckled, putting his hand on the pockets of his trenchcoat-- true, well, you enjoy your bed -- John turns around and starts to leave when his wrist is grabbed by her hand.

--Ah cmon, we can share-- before he can say anything, she pulls him to the bed, he rolls over and finds himself with jerico ontop of him.

--Buy me dinner first? -- he teased with a smirk.

--In your dreams, constantine-- she lays down besides him, curling up like a cat.

He sighs looking at her and raising an eyebrow-- gnight

--Night

John lays on his side, his back facing her, and closes his eyes-- I move quite a lot so sorry not sorry if I push you outta bed

--Nightmares?

He keeps quiet and looks away.

--Its alright, you dont gotta worry about 'em while im around-- her back pressed to his and he tensed.

--Yeah right-- he answered sarcastically, trying to play off the blush on his cheeks.

True intimacy was something he wasnt used to.

John closed his eyes, falling asleep oddly quickly after that.

That night was calm and tranquil,and for once he got a much needed nights rest.

Next morning arrived with the rising sun and the chirping of birds.

John had woken up at around six am, he'd probably sleep in, but his mind was plagued with questions.

Yet, his face softens when his eyes settles on the sleeping figure of Jerico, whose chest Rose up with her calm shallow breaths.

Two hours later, his companion had woken up, she greeted him with a groggy "good morning" and made her way to the kitchen.

John observed as she made herself some tea, Yawning and rubbing the sleep out of her eyes.

--Someone looks tired-- he teased.

--I am, opening portals usually takes me out of comission for a day-- jerico replied, taking her cup of tea and sitting infront of him-- did you sleep well?

He nodded-- ive been meanin' to talk to you about that, how did you make me not have nightmares?

She shrugged-- I can only describe it as Wayfarer fuckery, my presence kinda eases the people around me

--Theres a few questions I need to ask you but youre in no condition to answer them-- he pointed out.

--Youre right im in no state-- with a motion of her hand, her Messenger bag flew from the floor to the table, she took out a Journal and some pens

--What are ya doin'?-- he asked.

--Journaling, helps me clear my mind, and I document all my travels on it-- She replied, starting to write on It.

John looked at the thick Journal and said-- son of a bitch is big

--He is, hes an infinite Journal, sometimes flipping through it is a nightmare-- she agreed-- hey, do you mind giving me some space? I like to Journal on my own

He nodded, and soon after left to the corridor of his appartment's complex.

John had no clue what was going on with him, his heartbeat raced fast when she was around, he had this need of being overtly nice with her (which he was good at reeling it back. He still had a reputation to mantain).

He sighed, muttering a-- fuckin' shite...

An hour later he came back in, Finding jerico passed out in bed.

He chuckles scratching the back of his neck. "Cute" he thinks before tucking her in.

John constantine was tucking someone in, that was a thing he would take to his grave and the great beyond.

By Lunch time she had awaken, saying that she would go and get groceries so they could make something instead of eating out.

And for a while the house was quiet, it was only him and his thoughts.

A calm that though it was welcomed, John really wanted jeri to come back soon.

Some hours later ,With the grocery bags on her arms, Jerico makes her way back to her host's house, shes calmly people watching until a meowing reaches her ears.

She turns to see a black cat coming out of an alleway, who nuzzles her leg.

--Hello little buddy-- her hands pick the animal up, inspectint it-- arent you a beautiful beast... wanna come with me?

The cat nodded, and she carried it back home.

--Oh hey youre Ba- put that thing on the ground-- John urged-- thats a demon

--But hes a good one!

--Theres no such thing as a good demon! Its using a cat as a host! Ill send him back to where he came fro-

Her hand takes his wrist and shakes her head-- ive been around long enough to know when something wishes me harm, that little buddy just wants a home

--youre crazy

--And youre a sorcerer, we're even-- she bends down to Grab the cat, pulling it inside the appartment.

--How did you--?

--I can override your spells, constantine, my powers allow me to, now, give me a small bowl

He sighs in defeat, going to the kitchen to fetch what she had asked for.

Not soon after, the cat was enjoying a bit of milk and some tuna.

John looks at the feline with disbelief-- its so docile...why the fuck..?

--dunno! But shes quite cute-- jerico smiled.

--She?!-- he exclaimed.

--Its a female cat, John-- she replied with a dry tone.

--fine. Have you named her yet?

--Her name's Vica, come here girl!-- The cat jumps on her owner's lap, nuzzling her hand-- anyway what do you want for lunch?

--Dont know, what did you have in mind?

They Cook a rather simple dinner, some mashed potatos and baked chicken.

After lunch, both decided to spend the day in. And John used that time to ask questions.

--Whats the last dimension you visited?-- he asked.

--Uhhh it didnt have a name... but it was full of these cute little beings-- with a gesture her Journal flew infront of her companion-- arent they cute

--Hmm...they are-- he agreed-- books say all wayfarers are children of the universe, that true?

--Kinda, we are born from stars, and we usually have a higher being that mentors us, mine was the sun

--Dont you mean a sun god?

--nope, the sun itself is alive

-- I wanna ask how but I also know its not goin' to make sense-- John said clearly tired.

She giggled, patting his back-- things are the way they are, Johnny

A calm silence falls, he looks out the Window to the streets.

Jerico plays with her cat, whose trying to catch a ball if light that floated from one hand of hers to the other.

The Man's gaze returns to her and cant help but smile, the image before him being so soft and domestic that it makes his heart squeeze, and a part of him hopes that he could have more moments like these until she leaves again.

-- how was being raised by the literall sun?-- he asked with a voice so gentle it almost didnt sound like him at all.

--ah well, hes a really warm guy, pun intended-- both share a small chuckle-- but hes also strict and honestly a really good mentor, hes like my godfather...-- she explained looking at him with a warm smile-- he likes to say that ill never be alone because in every world theres always a sun..so hes always with me

--Hmm, that seems about right-- he agreed-- whats the worst dimension youve traveled to?

--There was this one place full of ice and cold spent no more than a year before jumping to the Next...I hate the cold

--Well, ya are the goddaughter of the sun..that checks out

She laughs, a hearty and genuine laugh, and his world stops.

Man was she adorable.

So, for the Next month, John started harboring a big fat crush for his interdimensional friend.

And for the first time, he was getting soft, less of an asshole to her, and only her. Already having some tea ready when she wakes up, carrying some grocery bags inside when they were shopping.

And even one night, she had found him asleep with vica on his chest.

He was head over heels for her, and he didnt want her to go.

Jerico had told him she spends a milennia in each world and at that Point he stopped trying to figure out her age.

One night, they are enjoying some warm cups of hot chocolate, snow falling on that cold Winter night.

He laughs at a joke she makes, its genuine.

Their laughter fizzles out and then their eyes meet.

He smiles and says-- see somethin' ya like?

--hmm, your pretty blue eyes~ -- she flirted leaning in.

Ah Yes their playfull flirting, but sometimes neither could stop themselves from thinking that maybe it wasnt so playfull as they thought it was.

--Take a picture, it'll last longer~ -- he took a sip from his drink and smirked with eyes half lidded-- are those emeralds on your eyes? 'Cause they are beautiful

--I dont know, are you a greek statue because you are so fine

Both chuckle and they look away towards the city below.

--every time I visit a New dimention I say its the most beautiful thing ive ever seen, but somehow when I jump to the Next I find myself wrong..

--Ah well, snow on the streets of london are quite the sight-- he agreed.

Then a question popped into his mind, his cheeks get warm and somehow he summs up the courage to ask it-- have ya ever Fallen in love when you visit a place?

She nodded--I fall in love with every universe I visit. And sometimes-- jeri turns to him-- I fall in love with people

He looks at her, and hes taken aback when he sees her gaze on him. No...she couldnt mean...-- you looked at me while sayin' that...y youre not implying that...

--Im in love with you, John Constantine...-- she confirmed.

His pupils go small,shock on his face, body tense and cheeks bright red-- I. I uhm...im in love with you too

Her hands Cup his cheeks and he instictively hugs her waist, pulling her closer.

Their foreheads press toghether-- fuck you for makin' me feel things...-- he whispers, though of course he doesnt mean it.

--its outta my control, John-- she teased leaning in.

-- I think ya gotta make it up to me ~

--Hmm, what did you have in mind?

--A kiss...-- he said non-chalantly-- and a date

--Seems reasonable...

John kisses jerico, tightening his grip around her, and she gladly kissed back, hands caressing his cheeks.

As they pull away, both press their foreheads toghether and remain with their eyes close.

--Lets go back inside...its fuckin' freezin' -- he offers.

--Only if you cuddle with me

--deal

Both take their half finished cups and return inside, cuddling up in bed and resuming their drinking.

--Say, where are you plannin to go for our date

-- since you like the Sky so much I was thinkin' we could go to the planetarium...

--thats perfect, Johnny. Thank you so much-- she presses a gentle kiss to his lips and he gladly kisses back.

--Honestly,what being decided I deserve you?-- he whispers.

-- if I had to guess id say my godfather, he always knows which one to make come to me

--wait...-- he looked at her-- when you first came...I felt a pull towards you...yer not sayin he-

--He called you to me-- she finished-- sometimes I find them, sometimes they find me

--So its not the first time hes done it?

-- nope, not the first

He looked at her surprised and with the definition of "what the fuck" expression on his face.

-- youll think yourself into a headache, dont try and reason it

--Too late

She giggled and kissed him again. He kissed back, leaning on the backrest of the bed hugging her back.

Thats when his phone rings. He groans in annoyance-- who the fuck is it?-- he looks at the contact name-- of course its a bloody client-- John picks up and says-- what the fuck do you want

Jeri softly hits him on the mouth of his stomach-- John! Be nice

He covered the phone's speaker with his hand and added-- 'm not gonna be nice to a bloke whose interrupting my cuddles

She giggled and Gently pushed him whenever he would get rude with the costumer.

After hanging up he turns off his phone and leaves it on the night stand.

--Alright grumpy pants, calm down-- she lays on his chest and he hugs her, hiding his face on her hair.

--Bloody costumers-- he complained quietly.

--Look at you looking all handsome when brooding, calm down we have all day to cuddle

John sighed and closed his eyes-- guess yer right...

--Sweet dreams, John

--Sweet dreams...-- he made a pause--...I love ya

--Love you too

Both share a final kiss before getting comfortable and falling into a calm slumber.

John constantine was a Man who has done terrible things, and though he thought he didnt deserve the love of this otherworldly being, he would make sure to treasure it. And he would thank all his lucky stars ( lucky sun?) For deeming Him worthy of that love.

[fictionfixations]

spoiler alert: i get SO off topic talking about other stuff. (if you cant tell i like talking. or well expressing my thoughts. anyway its 2 am i can use the excuse of impulse actions from lack of sleep)

i dont even know why im trying when obviously the next update is going to require even more storage and im going to have to drop it (its like 50 gb in actuality but it needs double to like. open it and do SHIt. i dont know this stuff man)

ahghgusihdfiufh (it was worse. ive. deleted a bunch of stuff that i dont play as much.

only games left are Star Rail (which im not dropping. ive poured so much time genuinely invested in story and characters idk what im gonna do when i run out of space to play. maybe cry.), Roblox (i genuinely dont know how much storage its taken, and I don't play it that much but LISTEn it fills a lot of game cravings that i cant play the source cause holy shit my storage.), Osu (the only game i can play without wifi.)

i wanna play the other games on mobile (i used to play star rail on mobile ngl LMFAO then realized 'hey this is fun' and moved to pc after genshin got too big. or maybe i had both at the same time i cant remember now ghreuigh) but uhm. the farthest i get in wuwa on mobile is like the opening loading screen before we see the rovers (it just stops there. even the music stops i think?? ive left it on and did other stuff but nothing happened and its either it wants me to wait super long, or theres just no hope) i did the tutorial for solo leveling arise on mobile but then trying to do literally anything else (like trying to access the menu) kicks me out of the game so then i had to move to pc. genuinely scary game first time around it shut down my pc, and even at lowest graphics kept warning me that 'for smoother gameplay you should have lower graphics' or something so fan on all the time (i have a fan pointed directly at my laptop.) and honestly. im not even that big of a fan of solo leveling why am i here (meilin fisher that is why. anyway i got her. so. shes not even an actual character outside the game??) ive literally only seen the anime and i forgot most of it😭

zzz on my phone is just black screen. it kicks me out. the farthest ive gotten is it asking if i want notifications but it still kicks me out

identity v i cant even download everything i think, i just have it to log in for pc. but uhm. i guess i cant anymore? but also i cant remember if i can still log in through other methods so uh its staying on mobile (to be fair i only got super into it cause of danganronpa collab so)

oh i found whatever it was that was taking 2 gb on desktop LMFAO

no wonder i was so confused on wtf it was

anyway. um. this is very much a shame. cause. i only get so invested in stories in games because im actually playing them. otherwise i cant guarantee im fully focused cause i get distracted so easily. um.

now about mobile storage and everything

uh. i have an iphone 6 pro. no idea if thats bad or not but uh. probably not that great. ? ? idk man idk how it compares to newer phones i want to get a new phone (at least for all the games i cant play on that phone) but then i got an iphone case cause my former one was actually cracked so... its staying (from the zzz website)

so its probably the phone in all honesty thats the issue (people were talking about who they wanted to play when starting the game and i got myself all hyped over ellen so. d'aww.)

and in the case its actually storage.. uh. tough luck. nu carnival is. a gacha game. and i got the character i wanted there, but its more convenient to go through like daily kinda stuff. ..also confession time if yk the difference uh. listen it was a hassle downloading it im not gonna delete it then have to reteach myself how tf to download it again because oh my god

twisted wonderland (aka disney tw LOL) is my OTHER fixation besides star rail. ive gone through all the story (including JP which i dont have cause i cant read it but fan translations for the win) + most event stories (i havent gone through anniversaries, new year sale 2024 JP, and like i think theres a crewel one rn..? or thats just the new card., tapis rouge, playful land, thats it). i love this game. so much.

if i told you ibis paint x used to take i think like so much more space because it still had the stuff since the VERY beginning... anyway idk what to use it for now but if i ever need to edit something...

kinemaster ^

i kinda already talked about identity v

bang dream. i LOVE rhythm games. and pretty designs. and vocaloid. and japanese songs.

in all honesty i lose interest in things so fast and drop them. then i get interested in other things, etc etc. and then i get back to a fixation on, say, rhythm games and wanting to play them a lot. then i can get bored and get interested in like. idk. life simulation(?) games like sims 4. or minecraft specifically the wynncraft server (which is like a fantasy thing..)

which is kind of why i have a bunch of stuff that i dont play often still because one day im gonna want to play it and then go back.

for laptop i just got rid of the games i wasnt interested in playing at the moment so. yeah

anyway if you cant tell i like talking about stuff. and justifying stuff (well its more like it started because i was worried to be judged. ive never been judged over what i like?? only like. once or twice?? that i can recall? but at one point i just started getting in the habit of justifying beforehand for everything after seeing the internet with their pitchforks directed at so many people so. yee.)

off topic. ive checked in on tiktok sometimes. and i just wanna say. how often is it that y'all get comments on old posts that are just variations of 'reminder' or 'remember this' ?? LISTEn the amount of comments that just say "reminder" and THATS IT (bro someone commented 'reminder' TWO times on the SAME post like DAMN. i mean they commented on someone else's comment on that post too with 'reminder' so probably trying to bother someone else but like wHY)

like. i mean. ive posted cringey shit hasnt everyone but it kinda feels like they're trying to shame people? like 'haha remember your past?'

maybe im sensitive. i mean. if this was past me i wouldve probably taken it to heart since yknow its still a work i created, but honestly now its just kinda funny

but idk if anyone else is being bothered by this (i mean. people generally go through old posts and delete ones they dont like right? i kinda dont do that so i mean. maybe yall are better off for that)

just wondering.

[nixliz]

a while back i got a little nostalgic and remembered that kick the buddy game i played a ton on my ipod touch as a child n i realized that i see ads for it sometimes and they advertise it like shock value mobile sludge so im like okay i gotta see how bad it's become

i go through this 5 hour long process of getting an apk for it, like i had to scour so many websites with so many obvious malware links and i end up finding a 'safe' one from a website that looks ai generated and i download it

i play for like 6 minutes and realize that they removed like 80% of the useable things and now there's an ad every time you kill him, and i give it the benefit of the doubt for a minute because i'm like "oh this cant be THAT bad" but then the game prompts me to this minigame where i make him sit on the toilet and profusely shit his guts out and i promptly uninstalled it from my phone. my phone probably contains a worm now and all i got out of it was watching bruno bucciarati's voice actor spraying shit everywhere