#this gingerbread thing is get out of control

[akimao]

Gingerbread ZoSan 🍶🌀

HAPPY HOLIDAY ❄️

[crownofgildedlilies]

gingerbread house

pairing: bakugou x reader summary: Delicate gingerbread and a hot temper? Katsuki’s in trouble.  wc: 1.2k event masterlist

You knew what you were getting yourself into when you agreed to date Katsuki Bakugou. 

He was loud and abrasive, barreling ahead when he thought he was right and even though he often was, he struggled in admitting when he was wrong. He could take things too far sometimes, biting words digging deeper than he had originally meant for them to, but he was working on getting better at expressing himself. 

He was working on it. Slowly.

“I’m gonna blow this shit up, I swear.” 

“Katsuki,” You groaned, grin toying at your lips as you watched your boyfriend’s frustration bubble up over something that was supposed to be fun. “It doesn’t have to be perfect.”

Not sparing you a glance, he let out a huff you knew meant he disagreed. 

If you had known he would have gotten so stressed over simply building a gingerbread house with you, you wouldn’t have suggested it. 

“You wanna do this? I’m gonna do it right, for you.” He grumbled, hands practically twitching as he struggled not to demolish the delicate gingerbread that seemed to be the source of all his frustration. 

“That’s actually romantic, Kats.” You teased, propping your chin on your hand to watch him work. The rest of the common area was surprisingly empty, everyone either lounging in their rooms or escaping Katsuki’s anger by running last minute errands. 

You couldn’t blame them. 

“Tch,” He kissed his teeth in annoyance, but you knew him well enough to realize he wasn’t annoyed with you. Now, the gingerbread house that kept falling apart each time he tried to get it to stick together wasn’t quite so lucky. “I’m always romantic.” 

And he was, in his own gruff way you adored, but the comment was downright laughable to an outside perspective—especially as he glared at the mess of a gingerbread house he couldn’t get to stand up on the table between the two of you. 

“It’d be so romantic of you to let me help you,” You flashed him a grin, trying to convince him to do something you knew he was too stubborn to do. And as expected, he let out a grunt of annoyance before pinning you with a glare.

“You saying I can’t do it?” His rough voice accused you of what was considered a deadly sin in your relationship—telling Katsuki he wasn’t able to do something. His hands left the three gingerbread walls he managed to prop up together to pin you with a glare, red eyes narrowed in your direction as if he was just waiting for you to doubt his ability. 

Slowly, the gingerbread house slid apart, dropping onto the plate with a thud that seemed so much louder than it really was. 

Slapping your hand over your mouth to keep from laughing, but the damage was already done. Katsuki’s jaw clenched so hard you could have sworn you heard his teeth crack, face turning red with anger. He always made a conscious effort not to yell at you, but you could see just how thin the control on his temper was getting. 

“Don’t say a word.” He grit out through his teeth, and though your hand was still clamped over your mouth to keep from laughing at the horrible timing of the gingerbread house collapsing, you nodded your head. 

His hands were gripping the edges of the table as he alternated his glare between the uncooperative gingerbread house and where you sat beside him. Deciding the biggest risk of you laughing had passed, you moved the hand from over your mouth to grab Katuski’s wrist. You felt how tense he was, and part of you distantly worried about the possibility of him setting off his quirk and damaging the table. 

Mr. Aizawa would kill you. 

“I’m not going to say anything,” You started, still unable to smooth your lips into a flat line and erase your amused smile. Katsuki was frustrated, and you laughing about his struggle—with a gingerbread house—wasn’t going to make things better. “But please let me help? They’re a pain, and this frosting is a little too runny. It makes it hard to stick.”

He was silent, at first. Blowing out a puff of air and turning his head to the side so that you couldn’t see his face. Under your touch, you felt the tension in his wrist increase slightly. 

“Wanted to make it for you,” He grumbled out, voice low. If you hadn’t been waiting for him to say anything, you would have missed it. “You know, impress you, and shit.” 

You couldn’t help it anymore. You let out a quiet laugh. 

Katsuki snapped his head in your direction so fast you laughed again, and suddenly the gingerbread house was forgotten and you were the source of all his ire. And though you knew exactly what he was capable of, you met his glare with a bright smile. 

“What’s so funny?” He demanded, clearly grump, and you leaned closer in an attempt to get in his space and try to improve his mood. And maybe tease him a little bit, if you were being honest. 

“You’re trying to impress me?” You asked, smirking. He rolled his eyes, turning away from you again. Laughing softly, you sat up a bit straighter so you could reach his face and turn him by the jaw back to you. “First off, we’ve been dating long enough that you don’t need to do that.”

He scoffed, clearly in disagreement. He really was a romantic. 

“Secondly, you think a gingerbread house is the way to go about impressing me?” You were teasing, but Katsuki’s face tinged the slightest shade of red as he refused to meet your eye. Pushing yourself forward, you kissed him sweetly in an apology for your words. Grinning, you watched as his blush only darkened with your show of affection. 

“Hold the sides,” He ordered and you knew what he meant. Never one to waste time on too many words, Katsuki had a habit of giving the bare minimum of information before launching into a task. 

Following his directions, you held two sides of the gingerbread house upright while Katsuki used the frosting to stick it together. It took a while, but eventually you got all four sides and the roof in place. Sitting back to let the frosting harden, you grinned at the masterpiece you had briefly thought would never have been finished. 

“I’m impressed,” You admitted, snorting a laugh when Katsuki rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. “I didn’t think it would make it through your anger.” 

“Brat,” He fired back, though you could see the trace of a smile on the corner of his lips. Grinning, you set your hand over his arm and squeezed it once to placate him. “Said I would build it for you, didn’t I?” 

You hummed, acknowledging that he had kept his word and built the gingerbread house for you. Eyeing the bare cookie walls, you knew what the next step was. And you also knew the gingerbread was far from safe.

“Ready to decorate now?”

For a moment, you thought he wouldn’t answer.

“Give me the damn candy.” 

[astonmartinii]

a very mamma mia christmas [mamma mia part six] | formula one social media au

drivers: sebastian vettel, fernando alonso and jenson button

flo's first christmas looms, her parents and the grid react accordingly

mamma mia / no more ace to play / honey, honey / the age of no regret / a wonderful thing

MASTERLIST | BUY ME A KO-FI?

yourusername

liked by fernandoalo_oficial, sebastianvettel and 1,667,301 others

yourusername: if you couldn't tell, christmas is our favourite holiday

view all comments

user1: i forgot to consider the thought of a mamma mia christmas

user2: i am NOT ready

jensonbutton: are we just photographers to you?

yourusername: i tried to take photos of you guys but you just insisted on throwing each other into the snow every two seconds

jensonbutton: but i won?

sebastianvettel: i reject this

fernandoalo_oficial: AS IF YOU WON

user3: i think this is the proof that fernando will never retire

jensonbutton: @yourusername tell them i won

yourusername: well i can tell you who lost ... ME BECAUSE YOU GUYS WRESTLED IN THE SNOW AND COMPLAINED ABOUT BEING COLD THE WHOLE WAY HOME

sebastianvettel: ... at least flo found it funny

yourusername: she's a baby, she finds everything funny

fernandoalo_oficial: especially me though

yourusername: ENOUGH you're all getting coal for christmas

jensonbutton: WHAT

fernandoalo_oficial: WHAT

sebastianvettel: WHAT

user4: y/n actually has the patience of a saint i'd leave them in the snow

yourusername: can't drive 💔

user5: dads are all world champion drivers and mum hasn't even passed her test. this is what balance is

alexalbon: tHAT'S THE BUNNY I GOT FLO

yourusername: yes, she loves it very much (she even named it al)

lilymunhe: he's crying 👍

alexalbon: it's christmas and i'm trying not to succumb to baby fever :(

jensonbutton

liked by yourusername, sebastianvettel and 1,002,566 others

tagged: fernandoalo_oficial, sebastianvettel & yourusername

jensonbutton: drawing straws to see who gets to be santa for flo's first christmas (and who has to be elves)

view all comments

user9: is everything a tussle with these people

yourusername: yes. this one is particularly amusing though

sebastianvettel: YOU RIGGED THE DRAW

jensonbutton: how could i rig it? I DIDN'T EVEN WIN

sebastianvettel: i'm not going as an elf ABSOLUTELY NOT

fernandoalo_oficial: you snooze you lose buddy

yourusername: not to stir the pot, but this was you guys' idea, so you can't chicken out now

sebastianvettel: no elf. i am going to be a reindeer instead

jensonbutton: if he's not being an elf then i'm not being an elf i'm going to be an angel 👍

yourusername: we already ordered the elf costumes ???

fernandoalo_oficial: make the grid kids dress up

yourusername: @charles_leclerc and @maxverstappen1 do i have news for you

charles_leclerc: if anyone should be an angel it should be ME

maxverstappen1: i should be the christmas star (since i am the star of this family)

charles_leclerc: if any of us have star power it's ME

yourusername: you won't even be elves for flo?

charles_leclerc: YES I WILL

maxverstappen1: DON'T BE STUPID

user10: yeah, yeah they're all dressing up BUT the real question is, do they now have cats as well?

fernandoalo_oficial: YES!! 😃 😃😃😃😃

user11: NEW MAMMA MIA LORE

jensonbutton: we were in the village centre when they were having an adoption fair... fernando insisted that cream cheese and salmon come home with us

user12: i feel like jenson did not get to choose the names ...

yourusername: nando insisted, said bagels are the foundation of our relationship

fernandoalo_oficial

liked by jensonbutton, sebastianvettel and 1,342,882 others

tagged: yourusername, jensonbutton & sebastianvettel

fernandoalo_oficial: i won !!! (both being santa and the gingerbread house decorating contest)

view all comments

user13: mamma mia household argument incoming....

yourusername: okay... WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU WON THE CONTEST I CLEARLY WON I WILL NOT LET YOU CONTROL THIS NARRATIVE

user14: oh this is about to get real if y/n is getting involved in the arguments

sebastianvettel: nando, your house had the structural integrity of a flake

fernandoalo_oficial: IT DOES NOT

jensonbutton: i mean when we let flo destroy them all like a mini godzilla, yours did crumble first

fernandoalo_oficial: FAKE NEWS

yourusername: godzilla flo squished that bitch like a pancake

sebastianvettel: you can't win everything old man

yourusername: HALT WE SHALL NOT START THIS ARGUMENT AGAIN

user15: boooooooo let them fight y/n

user16: the way y/n and flo probably just sit back and relax while these idiots argue with each other

georgerussell63: gingerbread flo is so adorable !!

yourusername: thank you georgie (these guys think they're professional photographers now)

danielricciardo: woah @landonorris sub par f1 driver photography is our thing

landonorris: honestly old men, get your own hobby

fernandoalo_oficial: SUB PAR?

yourusername: he's pacing @landonorris @danielricciardo TAKE IT BACK

landonorris: no. i don't think i will

sebastianvettel: he's literally wearing a hole in my carpet from pacing MY CARPET

danielricciardo: tell him to stop being so dramatic flo looks rad af

jensonbutton: did you just call our baby rad?

fernandoalo_oficial: i'll take it, she is rad :)

user17: this is so close to my heart. if they ever stop publicising their lil spats i will die

user18: i wake up in a cold sweat thinking about how we won't hear about nando leaving cutlery in the sink, jenson letting beckett in the bed and seb forcing them all to garden

yourusername

liked by charles_leclerc, sebastianvettel and 1,723,094 others

tagged: jensonbutton, fernandoalo_oficial & sebastianvettel

yourusername: seb cried when we chopped down the tree :(

view all comments

user21: someone get that man back in a car he's losing his damn mind

jensonbutton: he cried because i was just too sexy to handle when i chopped down a tree with an axe and my bare hands

yourusername: he's NOT wrong

fernandoalo_oficial: i understand the women in hallmark films now. lumberjacks are hot

jensonbutton: or it's just me?

yourusername: welp

user22: sorry seb but fuck that tree's life it looks so fucking good

user23: i'm so glad y/n isn't a sad beige mum

yourusername: tacky christmas 4 eva

lewishamilton: now that is a christmas tree wowza

yourusername: oh wow that means a lot coming from you

lewishamilton: i'm going to assume the guys weren't allowed within 10ft

yourusername: they were allowed to put the star on and pick where the homemade ornaments would go

lewishamilton: having seen their dress sense for the last 15 years, i think that was wise

user24: is seb like holding a grudge?

sebastianvettel: YES they laughed at me :(

yourusername: awwwww you baby, you're so cute

sebastianvettel: what if we've made a squirrel or a bird homeless :(

fernandoalo_oficial: there's a fuck ton of trees around i'm sure they're fine

jensonbutton: or maybe we hit them with our car on the way home

sebastianvettel: JENSE :(((((((

fernandoalo_oficial: i thought i felt a bump

yourusername: GUYS

user25: all i know is that i would not want to get into a fight with flo with these fools as her parents

sebastianvettel

liked by fernandoalo_oficial, jensonbutton and 1,288,493 others

tagged: yourusername, mickschumacher

sebastianvettel: you all laughed at the tree. jokes on you me and mick went and got a foster reindeer

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user26: no ever is ever as petty as a middle-aged man

fernandoalo_oficial: THAT'S WHAT THAT SOUND WAS

jensonbutton: DO WE LOOK LIKE A ZOO?

sebastianvettel: yes.

fernandoalo_oficial: i'm sorry but @mickschumacher this is why you weren't godfather

mickschumacher: NANDO

maxverstappen1: let me grab my popcorn

jensonbutton: mick we already have a dog and two cats and you let this menace get a REINDEER

sebastianvettel: he's a foster? don't talk to walter like he's not there

fernandoalo_oficial: mick you told me you were going for afternoon tea ?? i am so disappointed

mickschumacher: boo hoo old man this is why you lost 2010

yourusername: MICK?

user27: this man is well and truly off his rocker

yourusername: how long is walter here for?

sebastianvettel: he's got a bad foot :( but the sanctuary said he's great with kids 👍

yourusername: how would they possibly know that

fernandoalo_oficial: flo is not hanging out with a reindeer

sebastianvettel: not even a safe distance? :(

jensonbutton: from the window... STOP BRINGING WILDLIFE HOME

sebastianvettel: oh so fernando can bring home two surprise cats but i can't

yourusername: there is a wee difference between a cat and a REINDEER

charles_leclerc: does this mean when walter is better we can go for reindeer rides?

alexalbon: finally someone asking the real questions

yourusername: at this point you'll being coming to the north pole might as well throw in a reindeer ride as well

maxverstappen1: FUCK YES

jensonbutton

liked by yourusername, sebastianvettel and 1,008,653 others

jensonbutton: last time i was aware we only have one child ...

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user29: ELF MAX ELF MAX ELF MAX

user30: mia eating everyone up as usual

charles_leclerc: this is charles leclerc erasure of the highest order @sebastianvettel DO SOMETHING

jensonbutton: did you or did you not state: my ass looks too good in these tights, this can't go on the internet without a paywall?

charles_leclerc: i may have said that yes

jensonbutton: you are such a drama queen charlie

charles_leclerc: but we took other photos :(

jensonbutton: not everything has to be on instagram, that's what a mantlepiece is for

charles_leclerc: I'M GOING ON THE MANTLEPIECE ???????

jensonbutton: not if you keep being rude to me

charles_leclerc: sorry jenson :((((

jensonbutton: play piano for mia every night you're here and you're good

charles_leclerc: as if that's punishment

user31: charlie playing piano for flo is my favourite thing ever

yourusername: if we only have one baby, why do they all act like one?

fernandoalo_oficial: you insist on having all the grid kids over

yourusername: sue me i love them and i love how much they love flo

sebastianvettel: will you be saying that when we have to make breakfast for nearly 20 overgrown children

yourusername: DON'T LISTEN TO THEM BABIES HE CRIED WHEN HE READ YOUR GOODBYE MESSAGES

maxverstappen1: I KNEW I T

landonorris: me and mia really twinning here

yourusername: she really turned up, ate, got all the love and went back to sleep what a queen

danielricciardo: soz fernando i did santa better

fernandoalo_oficial: flo cried when you held her. so take that for what you will

danielricciardo: cried... from excitement

yourusername: she threw up on you

danielricciardo: FROM EXCITEMENT

sebastianvettel: you also cried?

danielricciardo: FROM EXCITEMENT?

yourusername

liked by fernandoalo_oficial, maxverstappen1 and 1,934,788 others

yourusername: baby's first christmas xx

view all comments

user37: it's florence's world and we're just living in it

maxverstappen1: mamma mia christmasses might just be where it's at, love you guys and mia xx

yourusername: awww maxy, we love you !! thank you for coming

maxverstappen1: the christmas dinner banged and i got to hang out with mia YOU CAN'T GET RID OF ME

fernandoalo_oficial: i love this family :)

jensonbutton: he's crying, i can hear it from the kitchen - i love you all too

sebastianvettel: i think the holidays have turned my heart to a puddle can we kick these people out and have a cuddle pile?

yourusername: i love you all more (definitely)

fernandoalo_oficial: thank you guys for giving me flo, the biggest gift in the world

yourusername: wouldn't change it for the world

sebastianvettel: i love our little chaos

jensonbutton: the best christmas ever

user38: okay but next year can y/n remember she has a youtube channel and do vlogmas ....

user39: NEEDED

charles_leclerc: "kick these people out" i'd like to see you try

maxverstappen1: you're never getting rid of us

yourusername: well charles you've kind of conditioned flo to only fall asleep to piano so i'm afraid you can't leave

maxverstappen1: don't tell jimmy and sassy but i fear i have an emotional attachment to walter

fernandoalo_oficial: oh boy you've condemned yourself there

sebastianvettel: set your alarm max, we're on walter duty tomorrow

maxverstappen1: yay?

yourusername: flo and i will make sure there's a hot choccy when you get back

jensonbutton: i for one am proud of beckett for not dive bombing the christmas tree

yourusername: and he only chased cream cheese and salmon once and we can blame that on daniel

danielricciardo: FALSEHOODS

jensonbutton: did you not challenge the dog to a race that led straight to the cat tree?

danielricciardo: maybe? IT WASN'T MY INTENTION

note: ehehehehehehehehehehe feeling in a giving mood and finished this a lot quicker than expected. i FUCKING LOVE CHRISTMAS AND I FUCKING LOVE MAMMA MIA. i hope you guys enjoy, i am working on your requests.

mamma mia will return

taglist: @boiohboii @vellicora @faithm120601 @raizelchrysanderoctavius @luv4kani @eugene-emt-roe @magical-spit @ironmaiden1313 @jaydaaasworld @whoreks @rainerax @nonsensical-nonsence @laneyspaulding19 @chelseyyouraverageluigi @lxclerc @gemofthenight @woweewoowa @tagteamedbitch@imagandom@mypage-myfandoms@mehrmonga@asparklysoul @unstableplant @motorsp0rt@multilovebot@lili-flower03 @its-elias-world @jolixtreesunn@nothingfuninthislife@rileynicol3@kodzuvk@mochimommy2002@fluffyspaceprincess@roseseraj@black-swan-blog27@nyrasslut@justdreamersdream@asfaraslifegets@why4anne@ineffableperson@leilanixx@lunyyx @pupbistro @gaypoetsblog@rafaaoli@champomiel@sadsierra2 @rainerax @lokietro @thecubanator2 @nzygftoji @rockyhayzkid @nmw-am @slytherheign @erikasurfer @turn-around-look-at-what-you-see @greigreyhiyyih @duck-duck-goose-18 @dark-night-sky-99 @ironcowboycopnickel @sizzlingghostoperatorbagel @2bormaybenot @42ndbrokencompass @whotfisvale @lichterfee @sticksdoesart @glitterf1 @turn-around-look-at-what-you-see @lighttsoutlewis @tagteamedbitch @glow-ish @sadg3 @kagatinkita @litoriaxu

[enviedear]

love to keep me warm ❅ dick grayson

part of enviedear's winter wonderland... 🎧ྀི dick grayson is your best friend, and has been since he moved to blüdhaven. you're more than familiar with taking trips to gotham with him, especially during the holidays! you've yet to miss one of bruce wayne's christmas galas—but this year is different. this year, you're hopelessly trying to hide the recent crush you've developed on your best friend. wc 2.0k | fluff, like, the fluffiest fluff

the pristine penmanship of an envelope, mingled in the mix of bills and various other junk mail, has you feeling nervous. unlike previous times—every other time—you're not excited to be invited to bruce wayne's annual holiday gala. not this year, at least.

perhaps if you hadn't spent the spring and summer falling head over heels for your best friend—or, partner in good—that's what dick calls it.

you hadn't meant to fall for him. in honest, you've tried your entire life to stop any of this for ever happening. there were times, when you were younger and dick was still outwardly an idiot, that you'd let yourself imagine it for a moment...being with him. but you always stopped yourself, never let the idea take root.

but then the hottest summer in blüdhaven history happened—and dick was so kind to offer up his apartment to you. generator-backed and remarkably cooler than your twenties era studio, you started out happy to have your best friend as a roommate. until it became too real, too perfect, and too out of your control.

dick grayson has always been a handsome guy, beautiful even, in some lights. but he's also the dork that sat in gum on the subway before his first dance, the annoyance who winks across the room when a conversation is going well, the loser that practices lines in his bathroom mirror—for criminals or lovers, you're unsure. he's been strictly off limits in your mind since you met.

but now—now he's morphed into something much more, and with it, so has your innocent little crush. you feel unable to hide it. always on edge when he emerges from his room. what used to be normal hang outs now have you feeling like a teen on her first date—you find it completely rancid. everything was much easier when you had control over these feelings.

the envelope sits in your hands, a little heavier than it should. you can already picture the grandeur of the evening—bruce in his tuxedo, smiling picturesque and politely, surrounded by gotham’s elite. alfred’s impeccable hors d'oeuvres and gentle quips. damian sulking somewhere in a corner, occasionally muttering about the frivolity of the season. and then dick...in a tailored suit that'll make your chest tighten, effortlessly charming as always.

you’ve been to enough of them to know the drill. you’ve stood by dick’s side countless times, smiling as people ask if you’re together. the answer has always been a laugh and, “no, just friends.” but this year, you’re not sure you can manage the smile.

“hey, you okay?” dick’s voice pulls you from your thoughts. he’s standing in the doorway, hair damp from a shower, a pair of sweatpants slung low on his hips, and a loose t-shirt that somehow still clings perfectly to his frame. you hate how easily he does this to you.

“yeah, m'fine.” you say quickly, stuffing the envelope into the pile of mail. “just bills.”

your mail still gets delivered to his place—despite the fact that you've updated your address again. it shouldn't be such an annoyance. really, it's a perfect opportunity to see him more...but seeing him while harboring the biggest crush possible is taxing.

he gives you a look, one that’s a little too knowing for your comfort. “you sure? you look…tense.”

“i’m fine.” you insist, maybe a bit too sharply.

“okay, okay!” he says, raising his hands in mock surrender. but there’s a glint of mischief in his eyes. “you know, if you’re stressed, we could do one of those cheesy holiday things to cheer you up. ice skating? christmas movies? oh, wait—gingerbread houses. you can’t be grumpy while decorating a gingerbread house.”

you can’t help the laugh that escapes you. “are you suggesting that i’m grumpy?”

“never.” he says with a grin that’s so sincere it’s almost maddening. “but you’ve been…quiet lately. i just want to make sure you’re okay.”

“i’m fine, grayson. really.”

he doesn’t look convinced, but he lets it go, instead grabbing an apple from the counter and leaning against it as he takes a bite. “there should be something from bruce in there—you’re still coming to the gala, right? you know it wouldn’t be the same without you.”

your stomach twists at the thought. you can’t imagine spending an entire evening pretending your feelings don’t exist, not when they’re so painfully obvious to you now. but you nod anyway, because what else can you do?

“yeah, of course i am!” you say, forcing a smile.

dick beams, and it’s so genuine, benevolent even, that for a moment you forget why you were ever worried. but then he turns back to his apple, oblivious to the way your heart is practically in your throat, and you’re reminded all over again.

surely—this is going to be the longest holiday season of your life.

the night of the gala arrives faster than you expected. the manor is alive with golden lights and soft music, the atmosphere a blend of sophistication and holiday magic. you’re in a dress that felt perfect when you bought it but now feels too tight under the weight of your nerves. dick, of course, looks effortlessly stunning in a black tuxedo, his smile lighting up the room as he greets guests.

you stick to the edges of the event, trying to avoid mingling too much. the grandeur of the wayne manor only amplifies your discomfort, the chandeliers and opulent decorations feeling like a spotlight on your inner turmoil.

but dick finds you, as he always does, weaving through the crowd with that natural charm. “hey, you’re not hiding over here, are you?”

“no, just…taking it all in.”

“uh-huh,” he says, tone teasing as he leans against the wall beside you. “you know, bruce said something interesting earlier.”

“oh?” you ask, trying to sound casual as your heart rate picks up. terrible.

“yeah. he mentioned you’ve been coming to these galas for years, but he’s never seen you dance.”

you laugh nervously. “i don’t dance...this way. you know i can't waltz.”

“that’s a real shame,” dick says, holding out his hand. “because i happen to be a great dancer. and i think tonight’s the perfect night to be your instructor.”

“dick, i—” you start, only to be shushed with his pointer to your lips.

“no excuses.” he says, his grin soft but heavily insistent. “come on, it’s christmas. live a little, dance a little.”

before you can protest further, he’s guiding you to the center of the room. the music shifts to something slower, more romantic, and you feel your breath catch as he places a hand on your waist, the other still holding yours. his touch is warm and grounding, but it only makes the butterflies in your stomach worse.

“see? not so bad.” he says, his voice low as he leads you effortlessly across the floor. “you’re a natural.”

“hardly.” you murmur, eyes fixed on his collar to avoid looking directly at him. but he tilts his head, trying to catch your gaze anyway.

“hey.” he says gently. “you can look at me, you know. i don’t bite.”

you laugh, though it comes out shakier than you intended. when your eyes finally meet his, there’s something in his expression that makes your breath hitch. it’s kindly and steady, but there’s an intensity to it too, like he’s searching for something—scouting.

“dick…” you start, unsure of what you’re even trying to say.

“you know,” he interrupts, his voice dropping to a whisper, “you’ve been on my mind a lot lately.”

your heart feels like it’s about to leap out of your chest. “huh?”

he nods, his grip on your hand tightening slightly. “yeah. and i think…i think we should talk. after this.”

“after this?” you repeat, eyebrows furrowed.

he smiles, but there’s a hint of trepidation behind it. “yeah. but later, let’s just...enjoy this rare blessing of you dancing.”

you want to deny his request—hound him for the meaning of whatever “this” is. but you don’t. maybe even can’t—you’re unsure. because when you finally lock eyes on dick grayson, he’s looking at you as if you're the bright, shining, expensive star atop the tree.

as the song begins to fade, the chatter around the room grows louder, mixed with clinking glasses and rhythmic heels. dick doesn’t let go of your hand, even as the music shifts to something livelier. his thumb brushes gently over your knuckles, and you have to stop yourself from sighing in outright adoration. he's just being cavalier—you remind yourself.

“come with me?” he says softly, leaning down so only you can hear him.

“what? where?” you ask, glancing nervously at the sea of people around you.

“somewhere quieter.” his tone leaves little room for argument, and before you can overthink it, he’s guiding you through the crowd with a natural ease.

the two of you slip out onto the balcony, noting small flurries of snow raining down. for a moment, you’re grateful for the fresh air, until you take a look back to dick.

he leans against the railing, hands braced on either side of himself as he peers into the distance. he’s silent for a moment, and then you hear him sigh.

“dick?” your voice is hesitant.

he turns to you, his expression so sincere it causes your head to rush. “i wasn’t kidding earlier, you know. about—thinking about you.”

you freeze, your mind racing. “what do you mean?”

“i mean…” he runs a hand through his hair, a nervous gesture that makes your lips curve. “i mean, this past year—living together for a bit, working together—i realized something.”

you swallow hard, your chest tightening. “what did you realize?”

“that i’ve been an fuckin' idiot,” he says, his voice softer now. “i’ve spent all this time thinking of you as my best friend, you know? my really perfect best friend…" he trails off, scanning your face before starting up again, "but somewhere along the way, you became so much more to me. i think i’ve been too scared to admit it, but i thought, you'd deserve to know.”

the words hang in the air, and for a second, you’re sure you’ve misheard him. that your brain pulled fantasy into some horrid delusion—but the way he’s looking at you, like you’re the only person in the world, leaves no room for doubt.

“you…i'm sorry. what?” you whisper, voice more mouselike than human.

“i like you,” he says simply, his gaze unwavering. “more than a friend. more than a best friend. and i think maybe i’ve felt this way for a while, but i didn’t want to mess up what we have.” he says it as if he's reading off his grocery list, so willful with his truth.

your heart feels like it’s about to burst, a mix of disbelief and relief flooding through you. “dick, i—”

“wait,” he interrupts, holding up a hand. “before you say anything, i just…needed you to know. because pretending everything’s normal when it’s not is starting to drive me crazy. and if you don’t feel the same, that’s okay. totally okay. we can go back to how things were. i’ll deal with it." he shrugs, avoiding eye contact now, "i just couldn’t go another year without telling you.”

“i like you back, god, i have for so long.” you say, your voice faltering off near the end.

his eyes widen, surprise and hope flickering across his face. “you do?”

you nod, a small laugh escaping you. “of course i do. you’re—ugh, you’re everything, dick. and i’ve been trying to ignore it because i didn’t want to ruin what we have either. but…yeah, i like you. a lot.”

for a moment, neither of you says anything. just staring at eachother without the barrier of friendship—somehow it makes him look even more divine. then, before you can blink, he reaches out, his hand cupping your cheek as he leans in.

the kiss is soft and tentative at first, as if he’s afraid you might pull away or reject it. but when you don’t—when your hands find their way to his shoulders—he deepens it, pouring every unspoken word into his kiss.

when you finally break apart, you’re both breathless, a quiet laugh escaping him as he rests his forehead against yours.

“merry christmas.” he whispers, his voice warm. the sound rumbles through his chest.

“merry christmas.” you reply, heart full and satiated. and for the first time, you're glad you fell headfirst for your bestfriend—even more glad he followed suit.

[lila-lou]

✨Presents&Gingerbread✨

Summary: Ben has little interest in the season’s traditions but keeps up with the wrapping and decorations just to see you happy. Still, it didn’t take long for him to draw your attention away from the preparations, making it clear that you’re the only thing he cares about.

-Christmas Special-

Pairing: Soldier Boy x Reader

Warnings: 18+ only! Smut, Language, Fluff

Word Count: 5893

A/N: English isn’t my first language, please be lenient. ❤️

You could hear Ben’s frustrated grumbling from the bedroom, but you chose to ignore it for the time being, focusing on the dough in front of you. Baking wasn’t exactly your strong suit, but you figured gingerbread couldn’t be that hard. The dough stuck to your hands in a stubborn mess, and you sighed, wiping your forehead with the back of your wrist.

The smell of sugar and cinnamon wafted through the kitchen as the oven preheated, and you couldn’t help but smile at the thought of surprising Ben with the cookies, even if they turned out a bit misshapen.

From the bedroom, another curse echoed down the hall, followed by a loud thud. You stifled a laugh. "Everything okay in there?", you called, your voice teasing.

"Yeah, yeah, I got this", Ben replied, his tone sharp but with that underlying hint of amusement you had grown used to. He was stubborn, always determined to do things himself, even if it was something as simple as wrapping a present. But it was moments like this—him grumbling over a bit of tape and wrapping paper—that reminded you there was more to the Soldier Boy façade than he let on.

You brushed some flour off your hands, glancing toward the doorway. You could almost picture him in there, brow furrowed, jaw clenched, struggling with the wrapping paper as if it were some kind of enemy.

"You sure?", you teased again, pulling open the oven and sliding in the tray of misshapen gingerbread men.

A pause. Then, "I swear, if this doesn’t stay… You’ll get a box and nothing else. Hope you like fucking cardboard".

You chuckled, shaking your head. "I’ll take what I can get".

Seconds later, you heard another rip of wrapping paper, followed by a string of curses so creative you couldn’t help but stifle a laugh. It was clear things weren’t going any better for him. You wiped your hands on a dish towel, half tempted to go in and offer help, but you knew Ben well enough to know he’d refuse. He wasn’t the type to let anyone see him struggle—even with something as trivial as wrapping a present.

Instead, you leaned against the kitchen counter, waiting for the cookies to bake, and called out, "You know, it’s the thought that counts, not the presentation, right?".

"Presentation matters, dammit", Ben shot back, his voice slightly muffled but dripping with frustration. "What kind of guy gives his girl a mangled present? I can blow up tanks, but this… this paper is kicking my ass".

You bit your lip to keep from laughing out loud. The image of Soldier Boy—America's perfect warrior, fighting to the death with a roll of wrapping paper—was too much. "Pretty sure I’ll still love it", you replied, trying to sound reassuring.

"Yeah, well, I’m not pretty sure of anything right now", Ben muttered. You heard another tear, then the sound of tape being yanked furiously from the dispenser. "This shit's defective".

You finally gave in to curiosity, walking to the doorway of the bedroom and leaning against the frame. There he was, hunched over the bed, a mess of torn wrapping paper scattered around him, the box he was trying to wrap looking more like a battle casualty than a gift. His face was a picture of sheer frustration, a rare sight considering how confident and in control he always seemed.

"You good?", you asked, grinning.

He snapped his head up, narrowing his eyes at you. "Don’t say a fucking word".

You held up your hands in surrender, though your grin only widened. "Wouldn't dream of it".

Ben huffed, turning his attention back to the mangled mess of paper. "This is stupid. I don’t know why people bother with this shit".

Stepping into the room, you sat on the edge of the bed, watching him for a moment before saying softly, "You don’t have to do this, you know. I already know how much you care".

Ben paused, his fingers gripping the paper as he looked over at you. His expression softened just a fraction, the frustration easing from his shoulders. "Yeah, well, you deserve something nice", he muttered, glancing away as if embarrassed.

Your heart warmed at the sentiment. Without a word, you reached out, gently touching his arm. "This is nice, Ben", you said quietly. "All of it. You trying… It means a lot".

He sighed, dropping the tape. "I’m not good at this stupid shit".

"I think you’re doing just fine", you reassured him, leaning in and pressing a light kiss to his cheek.

Ben turned to face you fully, a rare smile tugging at the corner of his lips. "You’re just saying that because you like me".

You laughed softly. "Yeah, maybe I do".

You looked down at the “present”, if you could even call it that. It looked more like a ball of crumpled wrapping paper than anything resembling a gift, with tape sticking out at odd angles and creases everywhere. Yet, Ben placed a small red bow on top with an exaggerated flourish, looking—despite everything—a little bit proud. The fact that the paper had actually stuck this time and didn’t peel off again seemed like a victory in his book.

“There”, he said, handing you the half-ball of paper, “for the tree”.

You took it from him gently, doing your best to suppress a laugh. You gave him a soft smile, admiring the effort more than the execution. “It’s… definitely unique”.

Ben grinned, catching onto your amusement but not minding it. “It’s gonna stand out from all the other perfect presents you wrapped”, he said, motioning to the stack of neatly wrapped gifts under the tree, each one with straight corners and perfectly tied ribbons.

“I think it’ll fit right in”, you said.

Ben stood up, stretching his arms above his head and surveying the room. He glanced down at the floor, where scraps of shredded wrapping paper littered the carpet. With a sigh, he began gathering the mess into his hands. “I swear, next time, I’m just getting a bag”.

You chuckled, getting up to help him. “Next time, you could just ask for my help, you know��.

He gave you a sideways look. “Yeah, like that’s fucking happening”.

“You act like wrapping presents is some top-secret operation”.

Ben snorted, crumpling another piece of paper. “For me, it might as well be. Fighting’s easier”.

You smiled, watching him as he cleared the floor. For someone so used to being seen as a powerhouse—a legend even—these small moments of vulnerability were rare. And yet, here he was, standing in the middle of the room, surrounded by torn wrapping paper and Christmas lights, doing something as simple and human as trying to wrap a present for you.

Once the mess was cleaned up, he straightened, looking over at you. “You still baking those cookies?”.

“I’m trying”, you said with a laugh. “But they’re probably not turning out much better than your wrapping job”.

Ben shrugged, tossing the last ball of paper into the trash. “We’ll call it even, then. Cookies for my screwed-up present”.

You grinned. “Deal”.

The two of you walked out of the bedroom. Ben had a few crumpled bits of wrapping paper still in his hands as he made his way toward the trash can in the kitchen. You followed him with his “present” carefully balanced in your arms, the lumpy shape almost endearing in its awkwardness.

As you knelt down to place the gift under the Christmas tree, you took a step back to admire how it sat among the others, its irregular shape standing out, but in a way that made you smile even more. There was something perfect in its imperfection—like it held a little more heart than the perfectly wrapped boxes surrounding it.

Ben, meanwhile, was peering into the oven, his hands resting on his hips, inspecting the cookies with a critical gaze. “How long do these things usually take?”, he asked, squinting at the misshapen gingerbread men that were slowly starting to brown around the edges.

“Shouldn’t be much longer”, you said as you joined him by the stove, leaning slightly against the counter. The two of you stared through the glass window in silence for a moment, watching the cookies bake as the scent of cinnamon and ginger filled the kitchen.

Ben glanced at you from the corner of his eye. “They look a little… rough, don’t they?”.

You chuckled softly. “Well, I wasn’t exactly going for ‘perfect’, just edible”.

“Edible’s good enough”, Ben agreed, nodding like it was some grand compromise. He opened the oven just a crack, feeling the wave of warm air hit his face. “I’ve had worse, believe me”.

You raised an eyebrow, giving him a teasing grin. “Is that your way of saying you’ll actually eat one?”.

He shrugged, stepping back and letting the oven door click shut. “Hey, I’ve survived worse. They smell alright, so… why not?”.

You laughed softly, bumping your shoulder against his arm. “I’ll take that as a win”.

Ben leaned back against the counter, crossing his arms, watching you as you moved around the kitchen. The glow of the Christmas lights from the tree in the other room flickered softly, casting a warm hue over the space. You could feel his eyes on you, and when you looked up, he gave a small, almost shy smile.

“This whole Christmas thing”, he muttered, glancing away for a second before meeting your gaze again. “Why do you love it so much?”.

His question hung in the air for a moment, catching you off guard. You’d never really thought about why Christmas meant so much to you—it was just something you always enjoyed. The lights, the warmth, the smell of baked goods filling the house—it was a feeling, more than anything. But for Ben, who’d never really had a reason to celebrate it, you realized it probably didn’t make much sense.

You set the oven mitt down, leaning against the counter beside him. “I guess it’s not just one thing”, you said thoughtfully, your voice soft. “It’s about the little things—the warmth, the coziness, the way everything feels kind of… special, you know? It’s like the whole world slows down for a bit, and you can just focus on the people you care about”.

Ben raised an eyebrow, looking at you like he was trying to understand. “So, it’s not just about all the eating?”.

You laughed, shaking your head. “Well, that’s a part of it. I’ve seen how much you enjoy that part”.

He smirked, his gaze softening as he leaned a little closer. “You’ve been cooking up a storm these past few weeks. I’m not complaining or anything—it’s been pretty great”.

You smiled, remembering the countless batches of cookies, pies, and everything in between you’d made over the last few weeks. You’d thrown yourself into it, trying different recipes to make sure Christmas Eve dinner would be perfect. You wanted the apartment to feel like home, especially for Ben, who wasn’t used to this kind of thing.

“But it’s more than just the food”, you continued, your voice softening. “It’s about making the place feel like… like somewhere we can be ourselves, away from everything else. Somewhere safe”. You glanced at him, your gaze gentle. “I know it’s probably cheesy to you. But Christmas has always been about family, about togetherness, and even though things aren’t perfect, it’s a time to just appreciate what you’ve got”.

Ben’s expression shifted, something unreadable flickering in his eyes. He wasn’t used to that kind of sentiment. You knew that much about him. Christmas was just another day for most of his life—another day he didn’t have to care about. And yet here he was, going through all this “crap”, as he called it, for you.

“I guess I just never had that”, he admitted quietly, his voice almost a murmur. “Never really celebrated it. My father didn’t think much of it, and after that… well, it was just another day”.

You nodded, understanding what he wasn’t saying. His life had been far from ordinary, far from the kind of life where holidays held meaning. But the fact that he was doing this, trying to wrap presents, watching cookies bake, and standing in a cozy apartment surrounded by Christmas lights—for you—that meant more than he could ever know.

“Maybe that’s why it’s important to me”, you said, your voice gentle. “Because we get to create our own version of it. You and me. We get to decide what Christmas means, and it doesn’t have to be perfect”.

Ben glanced down at the floor, then back at you, his eyes searching yours. “Yeah, well, I’m doing all this crap for you, you know. The wrapping, the tree, the whole deal”. He scratched the back of his head, looking almost sheepish. “I still don’t get it, but if it makes you happy…”.

You smiled, your heart swelling at his words. “It does. But you being here with me, doing all of this… that’s what makes it special”.

For a moment, Ben didn’t say anything. He just stood there, looking at you, and you could see something shift in him—a softening, maybe even a realization. He stepped closer, pulling you into his arms again, his embrace warm and steady.

“Well, I guess I can live with that”, he muttered, his voice low but full of something unspoken, something that said more than the words ever could.

You wrapped your arms around him, resting your head against his chest. “Thank you, Ben. For trying. It means a lot”.

He huffed a small laugh, his chin resting on your head. “Yeah, yeah. Just don’t expect me to sing any carols or whatever”.

You grinned up at him, still nestled comfortably in his arms. “No carols, huh?” you teased, playfully. “Not even Jingle Bells?”.

Ben rolled his eyes, his grip on you tightening just a little before he pulled back to look at you. “Don’t fucking push it. I’m doing enough with the whole ‘festive spirit’ thing”.

You opened your mouth to respond, but just then, the timer on your phone went off, the cheerful chime cutting through the cozy silence. The cookies.

You sighed, reluctantly stepping out of his embrace. “Hold that thought”, you said, giving him a wink as you grabbed the oven mitts and hurried to pull the tray of gingerbread cookies out of the oven. The warm, spiced aroma filled the room, and despite how unsure you were about how they’d turn out, you felt a little wave of excitement.

Ben leaned against the counter again, watching you with a mix of amusement and curiosity. “Let’s see these masterpieces”, he said, his tone dripping with sarcasm.

You pulled the tray out, setting it down on the stove and looking over the cookies. They weren’t exactly bakery-level quality—some were a little darker around the edges, a few misshapen—but all in all, they weren’t half bad.

“Well”, you said, eyeing them critically, “they’re edible”.

Ben snorted, stepping closer to inspect them. “Not bad, actually”, he said, grabbing one without hesitation. He blew on it briefly before taking a bite, chewing thoughtfully. “Crunchy, but I’ve eaten worse”.

You laughed, grabbing a cookie yourself. “I’ll take that as a glowing review”.

Ben leaned back against the counter, finishing the cookie in a couple more bites. “You should”, he said with a grin, wiping his hand on his jeans. “I don’t hand out compliments for free”.

“Of course not”, you replied, your voice teasing as you took a bite of your own cookie. You couldn’t help but feel a little proud of how they turned out, considering all the experimenting you’d done over the last few weeks.

“Alright”, Ben mumbled under his breath, his voice low and filled with something mischievous. Before you could even react, his strong hands found their way to your hips, gripping you firmly and pulling you against him in one swift, fluid motion. The sudden movement caught you completely off guard, and your half-eaten cookie slipped from your fingers, falling to the floor with a soft thud.

“Ben!”, you squeaked in surprise, but he was already moving, effortlessly lifting you onto his hips as if you weighed nothing. His grip was strong and sure, and his eyes glinted with a mix of playful intent as he began walking toward the bedroom.

You instinctively wrapped your arms around his shoulders, your laughter bubbling up despite the suddenness of it all. “What are you doing?”, you asked, though you already had an idea. Your heart raced as he carried you with ease, each step confident and determined.

Ben didn’t answer right away, just gave you a smirk. “No more baking for tonight”, he said, his voice low and teasing as he made his way toward the bedroom door. “You’ve been fussing over cookies and Christmas stuff for weeks. Time for a different kind of fun”.

You couldn’t help but laugh, your earlier thoughts of the cookies and Christmas decorations fading quickly. The warmth of the room, the soft glow of the lights filtering through the hall, and the way Ben held you with such ease—it was all enough to make your pulse quicken.

As he pushed open the door to your bedroom with his shoulder, you felt a shiver of excitement run down your spine. He stepped inside, kicking the door shut behind him.

Ben kicked the door shut behind him with a controlled force, and the soft click echoed through the room. You could feel the tension in the air shift as he leaned in closer, his breath warm against your neck. His hands, still firmly gripping your hips, slid up your waist with deliberate slowness, teasing but firm, the touch sending a shiver down your spine.

“You’ve been working so hard on that stupid Christmas cheer”, he murmured, his voice low, almost a growl, as he leaned in close to your ear. “But I think it’s time you relaxed a little”.

His lips brushed against your skin, so close yet barely making contact, and you couldn’t help the soft, involuntary gasp that escaped your lips. His smirk deepened, clearly pleased with your reaction. He always knew exactly how to get under your skin, how to tease you in just the right way, making your heart race and your thoughts scatter.

“You’re always fussing about something”, he teased, his voice a husky whisper as he hovered over you, “whether it’s wrapping presents or baking cookies. I think it’s my turn to get a little of your attention”.

You tried to play it cool, even though your pulse was quickening. “Oh? And what makes you think you deserve my attention?”.

Ben let out a low chuckle, his fingers trailing up your side, sending a rush of heat through you. “Because”, he murmured, his lips ghosting over the curve of your neck, “I’m not the kind of guy who fucking waits around for permission”.

His words were playful, but there was an edge of truth behind them—Ben never did things halfway, and he never shied away from taking what he wanted. And right now, he wanted you.

You felt his grip tighten ever so slightly as he shifted, pressing you back against the bed with a fluid motion. His eyes met yours, full of heat and mischief.

In one swift motion, he pushed you down gently but assertively, his weight following as he climbed on top of you. The heat between you was palpable, and the teasing smirk on his lips never wavered as he leaned down, his mouth tracing a slow, tantalizing line from the base of your neck down toward your collarbone.

His lips pressed soft, lingering kisses against your skin, each touch sending jolts of warmth coursing through you. You could feel the faint scrape of his stubble as his kisses became more deliberate, more hungry. Ben's hands moved with practiced ease, already starting to undo the buttons of your shirt, each one coming undone with a deliberate flick of his fingers.

"You’re not getting away that easy", he murmured against your skin, his breath hot against your collarbone as he pulled back just enough to look at you, his eyes dark with intent.

Before you could respond, his mouth returned to your skin, this time pressing more insistently, his lips and tongue tracing slow patterns over the exposed part of your chest. He was already halfway down the buttons of your shirt, exposing more of your skin with each passing second. You felt your pulse quicken, your breath catching in your throat as his kisses moved lower.

Ben’s hands slid beneath the fabric of your shirt, rough and warm as they caressed your sides, his touch firm and possessive. His movements were slow, deliberate, as if he wanted to take his time unraveling you. He lifted his head for a moment, meeting your eyes with that same mischievous smirk, his voice a husky murmur as he whispered, "See? Told you I don’t need permission".

His confidence, his dominance—it was magnetic. You could feel your body responding to him, arching toward his touch as he lowered his mouth again, trailing hot kisses down your chest, leaving a trail of fire in his wake. Every touch, every kiss, felt like it was claiming you, making you his, just as he had promised.

His lips ghosted over the skin of your stomach, soft and teasing, the warmth of his breath heightening the sensation. His hands moved in sync with his mouth, sliding down your sides until they found the waistband of your jeans.

With a deft motion, he hooked his fingers around both your jeans and panties, pausing only for a moment to glance up at you, his smirk widening as he saw the look on your face. Without breaking eye contact, he began to pull them down, the fabric sliding against your skin in one smooth motion. The cool air met your heated skin as he peeled them away, tossing them aside with a casual flick of his wrist, as if discarding anything that stood between him and what he wanted.

For a moment, Ben lingered, his eyes roaming over your body with an intensity that sent a fresh wave of heat through you. His hands moved to your thighs, gripping them firmly, his thumbs brushing over the soft skin as he spread you slightly beneath him, positioning himself closer. His gaze was dark, filled with hunger and something primal, and it made your pulse race.

He lowered his head again, this time pressing a kiss just above your hip, then moving lower, his breath hot against your skin.

"You taste even better than I remember", he murmured against your skin, his voice rough and laced with desire, his lips hovering dangerously close to where you wanted him most.

Ben’s mouth finally met you where you ached for him most, his lips brushing lightly against your skin. His kisses were tender at first, exploratory, as if he was savoring each reaction he drew from you. But it was when his tongue made contact that the sensation became more intense.

His tongue traced a slow, deliberate path along the sensitive folds of your body, moving with a deliberate, teasing rhythm. The tip of his tongue explored gently, pausing at the most sensitive spots, before moving in soft, circular motions. His touch was warm and wet, the sensation both electrifying and soothing as he took his time to learn your body’s reactions.

Ben’s movements were calculated, his tongue pressing against you with a gentle but insistent pressure. He alternated between slow, languid strokes and slightly quicker, more focused flicks, each movement aimed at heightening your pleasure.

As you were lost in the rhythmic play of Ben’s tongue, his technique shifted suddenly without warning. He enveloped your clit with a firm suction, his lips tightly sealed around it as he applied a concentrated pressure that made your back arch and a sharp gasp escape your lips. The sudden intensity of the sensation, combined with a gentle, teasing bite that was just enough to send a shockwave of pleasure through your body, contrasted starkly with the gentle lapping that had preceded it.

This sudden change amplified the sensations flooding through you, drawing a fine line between pleasure and the thrilling edge of too much. Ben seemed to sense this razor-thin boundary and expertly walked you along it. He eased the pressure just slightly when it seemed overwhelming, then built it back up, pushing you closer and closer to the brink.

As he continued, his hands found their way to your hips, holding you firmly in place. This firm grip ensured that you felt the full range of his movements—every suck, every bite—while also grounding you, holding you steady.

The intensity of Ben’s actions, combined with the overwhelming sensations coursing through you, made you lose control. As you cried out his name, your hands gripped his hair tightly, pulling him closer as if you were trying to fuse him to you. The force of your tug was unintentional but fervent, driven by the powerful waves of pleasure crashing over you.

Ben’s reaction was immediate—he responded to your urgent touch by increasing the intensity of his efforts. His tongue worked with renewed fervor, the suction on your clit growing more insistent, while his lips and teeth continued.

As the waves of pleasure grew more intense, your cries became more urgent, blending with the sounds of his determined efforts.

As you lay there, your chest rising and falling in the aftermath of the intense release, you slowly began to catch your breath. The room felt warmer, the air thick. Ben pushed himself back up from his position, his movements slow, savoring the moment. He wiped the remnants of your pleasure from his mouth with the back of his wrist, his smirk already in place as he locked eyes with you.

There was a look in his eyes, one of pride and satisfaction, but also that unmistakable mischief you’d come to recognize. He knew exactly what he had just done to you, how completely he had unraveled you, and how only he had the power to make you lose yourself like this.

His smirk deepened as he leaned over you, bracing himself on his forearms, his face hovering inches above yours. "Looks like I’ve still got it", he teased, his voice low and rough, a playful challenge hidden in his words.

You could still feel the aftershocks of your climax humming through your body, your limbs weak and trembling slightly from the intensity. His gaze stayed fixed on yours, that knowing glint never fading as he took in the way you were still recovering, your body warm and flushed under him.

"Only I can make you come like that, huh?", Ben’s voice was a husky murmur, full of that trademark confidence. He leaned in even closer, his lips brushing against your ear as he whispered, "I think I’m gonna enjoy making you lose control again".

You shivered, not from the cold, but from the way his voice seemed to vibrate through you, reigniting a flicker of desire even though you were still coming down from the high he’d just given you.

As he pulled back just enough to look at you again. "Ready for round two?", he asked, his tone equal parts teasing and genuine challenge, knowing full well that you weren’t done yet.

You chuckled softly, still catching your breath, not entirely sure if you were ready for what Ben had in mind. "I don’t know if I—", Before you could even finish your sentence, Ben was already moving, his hands quick and sure as he undid his belt with practiced ease. The clinking sound of metal filled the air as his jeans slipped halfway down his thighs.

He didn’t wait for you to gather your thoughts or prepare yourself. In one swift, commanding motion, he pushed inside you, filling you completely without warning. The sudden stretch was overwhelming, and you gasped, your fingers instinctively gripping the sheets beneath you as your body tried to adjust to the sudden, intense intrusion.

Ben groaned low in his throat, his voice gravelly with satisfaction as he felt how tight you were around him, his hands gripping your hips with a possessive force. "Fuck baby", he muttered, his head falling forward as he closed his eyes for a moment, savoring the sensation of being buried deep inside you. He loved the way your body clenched around him, as if you were made just for him, and the way you reacted—your gasps, your body arching beneath him—only fueled his desire.

The initial shock of his sudden entry faded into a wave of pleasure, and your body responded instinctively, hips lifting to meet his as you adjusted to the fullness. Ben wasted no time, his movements sure as he began to thrust into you. Every stroke was deep, purposeful, each one sending a shock of pleasure through you, the force of his hips driving you into the mattress.

"You feel so good", he growled, his hands tightening their grip on you as he thrust harder, loving the way you trembled beneath him. There was a primal satisfaction in the way your body responded to him, how tight and warm you felt around him, and he couldn’t get enough of it.

Each thrust came harder than the last, his pace relentless, as if he was determined to claim you all over again, and you could barely catch your breath. The intensity of it all—his strength, his speed, the sheer power behind every movement—left you teetering on the edge of another climax, the pressure building inside you rapidly.

Ben leaned down, his breath hot against your ear as he murmured, "You’re mine". And in that moment, it was clear—he wasn’t going to let you catch your breath, wasn’t going to give you a second to recover. He was going to take you, completely and utterly, until there was nothing left but him.

And the way he moved, the way he knew your body so well—it left you no doubt that you were his.

About an hour later, the two of you sat on the couch, freshly showered and wrapped in the warmth of cozy sweatpants and hoodies. The energy between you had shifted, from the heated intensity of earlier to a comforting calm. The soft glow of the Christmas lights flickered in the corner of the room, casting a warm, peaceful ambiance over everything.

You scrolled through the list of movies, trying to decide which one would set the perfect tone for the evening. Ben, however, seemed completely uninterested in the selection process. He was too busy munching on the gingerbread cookies you had baked, his free hand absently brushing over your arm as he held you close against his side. The light pressure of his fingers against your skin was soothing, his casual affection a stark contrast to the earlier moments of intensity.

“You sure you don’t care what we watch?”, you asked, glancing up at him, though you already knew the answer.

Ben barely looked up from his cookie, grinning around the bite he had just taken. “As long as I have these”, he mumbled, gesturing toward the plate of cookies on the coffee table, “I’m good with whatever”. His words were muffled, but the lazy contentment in his tone was unmistakable.

You laughed softly, shaking your head as you settled more comfortably against him. His arm tightened around you slightly, pulling you closer, and you rested your head on his chest, listening to the steady rhythm of his breathing. It felt good—safe—to be here like this, wrapped in the warmth of his embrace, with no urgency, no rush, just the quiet, cozy moment the two of you were sharing.

“Fine”, you said, picking a random holiday movie and hitting play. You weren’t really focused on the screen either. It wasn’t about the movie; it was about this—being here with Ben, comfortable and relaxed.

Ben’s hand moved to your hair, his fingers lazily combing through the strands, the simple gesture making you melt further into him. He shifted slightly, pressing a soft kiss to your temple, his lips lingering there for a moment longer than necessary. His touch was gentle, almost tender, as if he was savoring the quiet closeness between you.

“This”, he mumbled, his voice low and warm against your skin, “this right here is my favorite part of all this Christmas shit”.

You chuckled quietly, tilting your head slightly to look up at him. “Even more than the cookies?”.

Ben’s lips quirked into a lazy grin as he glanced down at you, his hand still resting on your arm. “Even more than the cookies”, he admitted, his voice softer now. “Though I won’t say no to another batch”.

You laughed, feeling the warmth of his affection settle deeper within you. It was rare for Ben to open up like this, even in small ways, but when he did, it meant everything. His affection was subtle, woven into small gestures like the way he held you close or kissed your temple—never needing grand declarations, because moments like these said it all.

Grinning softly, you leaned up just enough to whisper, "I love you".

The words came out gently, but with all the weight of truth behind them. It wasn’t the first time you’d said it, but somehow, in this quiet moment with the glow of the Christmas lights flickering in the background, it felt different—deeper, more meaningful. You could see the way the words affected him, even if he didn’t say anything right away. His eyes softened even further, the usual cockiness in his expression replaced with something that looked a lot like love.

Ben didn’t reply immediately, but the way his arm tightened around you, pulling you closer into him, said everything you needed to hear. He lowered his head, pressing a soft, lingering kiss to your forehead, his lips warm against your skin. His breath was steady, and you could feel the slight hitch in it, the way your words had touched him even if he wasn’t going to let it show completely.

"Yeah", he murmured softly, his voice barely a whisper. "Love you too".

———————————

A/N: Please let me know what you think.🥰

-

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[yoursselo]

Counting the days until Christmas

a/n: hi everyone! i couldn’t get the little advent calendar concept out of my mind so i decided to write a little something. this is my first ever fic (idk if i’ll ever write something again haha) so please be kind. i hope you guys enjoy it. love you lotsssss 🩷

word count: around 1k

warnings: none tbh but maybe some suggestive content

It was the most wonderful time of the year—Christmas. Ever since you were a child, you had loved the holiday season. Hot chocolate, gingerbread cookies, Christmas markets, and, of course, the advent calendars. Growing up, you always had one. You loved opening a door each day, feeling so excited about the little treat inside. Each day’s surprise only made you more eager for what was to come. The anticipation built with every door, and you could hardly wait to open the last one.

This tradition stayed with you through the years. Even now, getting an advent calendar was one of the things you looked forward to most during Christmas. Mason knew about your passion for it. Ever since your first Christmas together, the two of you had made each other small advent calendars. They were never extravagant—just simple and sweet, filled with things that reminded you of each other. Most of the time, they were sentimental, but this year, you decided to be a bit bolder and change things up.

You had been planning Mason’s advent calendar for weeks, and after putting in extra effort, it was finally ready. It took more time than usual, but you managed to finish it. The calendar sat on the coffee table next to the one Mason had made for you. Each door was carefully numbered and adorned with festive snowflakes and tiny golden stars. To Mason, it looked like any other advent calendar, but he had no idea what surprises lay behind the doors.

On the morning of December 1st, you rushed downstairs to open the first door of your advent calendar. Inside, Mason had placed a small heart-shaped heating pad. It made you smile because he knew how you were always cold and if he couldn’t warm you up himself, he wanted you to have something that reminded you of him. Hugging him, you kissed his cheek and said, “Thank you, babe. I’ll keep it in my pocket all the time.”

He kissed you back, a boyish grin spreading across his face. “Is this for me?” he asked, poking at the little calendar you’d made.

“Yes, but you have to promise me to open just one door a day. I worked really hard on this,” you said, trying to sound casual despite your fluttering heart.

Mason groaned dramatically. “Babe, I’m not a child. I have self-control.”

“Of course you do,” you teased, biting back a laugh. “Now, come on. It’s your turn. Open the first door.”

Rubbing his hands together with excitement, he carefully peeled open the first package labeled with the number one. Inside was a small packet of M&Ms—his favourite—wrapped neatly in festive foil.

“Yesss! Thank you, babe. These are my favourite!” He kissed your nose before opening the bag to eat his treat.

As you watched him, you couldn’t help but smile, waiting for him to discover his extra treat. He was so focused on the sweets that he almost didn’t notice the hidden Polaroid tucked inside. But as he went to set the calendar down, something caught his eye.

“Wait… what’s this?” he asked, his brow furrowing in curiosity.

Your stomach did a little flip as you watched his expression shift. Mason pulled out the Polaroid, his eyes widening and his cheeks turning red. The picture wasn’t overly scandalous, but it was far cheekier than your usual photos. You were wearing his hoodie, leaning against the kitchen counter with a smirk. The hoodie barely covered your bum, leaving plenty to the imagination.

“Baby…” he whispered. He looked up at you, his face a mix of awe and disbelief. “What’s this?”

You glanced at him out of the corner of your eye. “Oh, that? Just a little extra treat for you. Do you like it?”

A sheepish grin spread across his face, his dimples appearing. “Like it? Are you kidding? I love it.” He laughed nervously, scratching the back of his neck as his cheeks flushed deeper.

“Well, there’s one in every door,” you said, sheepishly. “I wanted to do something extra special this year.”

Mason blinked, trying to process your words. Then it hit him. His eyes widened, and before you could stop him, he lunged for the calendar.

“Wait, Mase! No—”

“I need to see the others!” he exclaimed.

You snatched the calendar away, holding it behind your back. “Nope. The point is to wait until Christmas. You need some self-control. Weren’t you the ‘master of your body’ last year during No Nut November?” you teased.

Mason groaned dramatically, slumping back onto the couch. “But how am I supposed to wait?”

“You’ll figure it out,” you replied with a smirk and kissed him on the cheek.

By day twelve, Mason’s patience was wearing thin. That day’s door held his favorite chocolate bar, but he barely glanced at it before pulling out the Polaroid. It showed you lying on the bed in a lacy black bralette and matching panties, your tousled hair making it look as though you’d just woken up.

Mason froze, his jaw dropping. “Do you like it?” you asked, fluttering your eyelashes innocently.

“Babe, please let me open just one more door. Please,” he begged, practically trembling with excitement.

Laughing, you shook your head. “Nope. Patience, Masey.”

By Christmas Eve, Mason was climbing the walls. He had barely made it through 23 days without breaking the rules. When he opened the final door on Christmas morning, his reaction was everything you’d hoped for and more.

Inside was your boldest Polaroid yet—a picture of you wearing nothing but a red Santa hat.

For a moment, Mason just stared, completely speechless. Then, without warning, he grabbed your hand and pulled you toward the bedroom.

“Mason, what are you—”

“Merry Christmas to me,” he muttered, kicking the door shut behind you with a grin that made you laugh.

The end. I hope you guys enjoyed reading it as much as i enjoyed writiring the story. 🩷

[aliendes]

One More Day (S.Coups)

a/n: SURPRISE! posting a day early cause ill be out of town tomorrow. here is 64 pages or 33k words of a cheol Christmas fic! reminders to HEAD THE WARNINGS, there is some deep stuff in this one. MDNI as always, esp since there is an added smut scene at the end. alsooooo remember this is a rewrite to a fic i did in 2020, so if it feels familiar, that is why. there are lots of addedd things and scenes, tho so hopefully it feels different enough. i only proofread this once cause its a doozy so if you see mistakes or I need to update tags PLS let me know. anywayyyyys, here's my behemoth of a fic. enjoy! warnings under the cut

w/c: 33.3k~ whoooooooooa!

banners & images made by me!

warnings: NSFW, smut MDNI, minor character deaths, talks of car accidents, su*cide attempt, talks of past attempts, reader is depressed af, drinking, eating, reader smokes cigarettes (its a plot point ok), cheol maybe ooc?, kissing, cursing, fingering, oral fem receiving, soft sex, messy dirty sex but make it loving, breeding kink KIND OF, p in v sex, no protection reader is on birth control, blonde seungcheol (yes that's a warning) and joshua is an asshole for the first half of the fic don't worry it gets better. let me know if I missed anything

You stood on the deck of your parents cabin, staring out at the frozen over lake, shrouded in darkness. You couldn’t remember what time it was, or really even what day it was, just that you needed to get away for awhile. Your breath was turning into white clouds around your face, and then drifting up into the atmosphere. It was calming in a way. Freezing, but calming. 

It was the middle of December, nearly Christmas, what used to be your favorite time of year. You and your mom, dad, and older brother Joshua would come up to this cabin and spend two weeks at the end of every year. Your dad and brother would always find the tallest tree for the living room of the cabin, with it’s high vaulted ceilings. You and your mom would spend hours decorating the tree, always turning out like a Better Homes & Garden magazine cover. Your mom loved to decorate, and she was damn good at it. You and Joshua would bake cookies together, despite your mom’s protests over Joshua being in the kitchen. He was always a disaster waiting to happen when you were younger, though that has changed with age. You can still taste the gingerbread like it was yesterday. You smiled slightly, remembering what Christmas used to be like. Now, Christmas was a shitty reminder of what used to be.

It’s been 7 years since the last time you were all together at this cabin. Nearly 6 years since your parents death, and 3 years since you last saw or spoke to your brother. You knew he was doing well, living it up in the big city of Seoul. He was a big-shot writer, and you would hear about him and his accomplishments through friends of friends or your neighborhood aunties. You were proud of him. Not that he would ever believe that, and it’s not like you would ever have the chance to tell him.

For the last few years, you had been coming up to the cabin alone. You always took two weeks off work and spent that time trying to keep your parents spirits alive in the form of Christmas cookies and movies. It was your own way of coping with their absence. Joshua found his ways of coping by blocking the memories out, you found yours in a glass of wine and a couple cigarettes out on this deck. Speaking of which, you should probably light one up now, you’ve been standing here for a while now.

Just as you were reaching in your pocket for your lighter, you heard a snapping sound from the left of the deck, startling you in your place, cigarette still hanging from your chapped lips. You turned your head towards the noise, face scrunched in confusion, almost giving yourself whiplash. No one should be out here at this time, you thought to yourself. You pocketed your lighter and took the cigarette between your fingers, slowly walking towards the edge of the deck. Sue you, you had a curious mind. Joshua always used to tell you it would get you killed one day. Not like you cared much anymore. 

“Holy shit!” you gasped, nearly throwing your cigarette, when you saw a figure walk out from between the trees lining your property and the one next to it. It was a man you didn’t recognize. You squint your eyes slightly to try and see better in the dark. He stepped closer to your with both hands raised in front of him as a way to placate you.

“Sorry! I’m sorry! I -” he started, but trailed off almost like he forgot what he was going to say. You raised a brow at him, still unsure of the stranger. “I’m Choi Seungcheol, I live next door. I promise I’m not a creep or anything, I just noticed you standing out here for a while and wanted to make sure you weren’t locked out or something, I - I, yeah that sounded creepy. I’m sorry.” He rushed out the last words, looking almost sheepish. 

Cute.

You stood there for a second too long, and Seungcheol, as you now knew him, looked almost like he was about to bolt back in the direction he came. “I - I’m sorry, I’ll g-”

“No, it’s ok.” You let out a deep sigh and chuckled darkly, no humor to be found. “You just startled me, is all.” You said with what you hoped was a small smile. It wasn’t, Seungcheol noted, but he didn’t care, just glad you were responding at all.

Another beat passes, “... so are you alright - did you need help?” He drawled, unsure of where the conversation was headed. 

“No, no. This is my par- mine- my house. Well, not my permanent house, but you probably already knew that.” You stuttered. He must’ve realized the house next door to him was vacant 11 months out of the year, right?

 “Ah yeah, I kind of figured that out.” he took a hesitant step forward. When he saw you weren’t running for the hills, he slowly made his way into the illumination provided by the floodlights on the back porch. You took in his features now that you could see them better. He had bleach blonde hair that looked a little fried, but that suited him nicely, large, doe-like brown eyes, and plump, cherry-like lips that were more than a little distracting. Had you not been in a crippling depression, you may have thought he was pretty handsome, you may have shot your shot with this pretty neighbor. He ran his hand through his yellow  locks, “This house is usually empty, I only notice it occupied around this time of year. I’m assuming it’s your vacation house? You said it’s your parents place, right?” He took hesitant steps up to the deck.

So he caught that. Damn. “Was.” You stated simply. “It was my parents place. It’s mine now, I come here alone.” Seungcheol knew that. He’s lived next door for 8 years now, on and off. Every Christmas for the last few years, you’d been alone. He wasn’t a creeper, but he did notice you smoking those nasty cigarettes out on this very deck, alone, every single year. He remembers you used to come here with someone. A boyfriend maybe? It wasn’t his place to ask. 

He’s at the bottom of the steps that lead up to your deck, looking up at you with an unreadable expression. Pity? No, there’s no way he knows what’s going on in your mind. He hesitates a moment before - “Are you ok?” 

The question catches you off guard. Were you ok? You knew the answer was a big, fat no. But was that something you should share with him? A near stranger? Aside from the obvious questions you had, when was the last time someone asked you that? You couldn’t remember anyone caring enough about you in the last few years to even utter those words to you. The only people you interacted with were your coworkers, who didn’t give a shit about your personal life. All your boss cared about was that you got the job done, not about your emotions. You almost wanted to trust this man, share with him how you’re feeling, God knows you need it. You’ve been staring at him for too long, he must think you’re crazy now. You shake your head slightly to rid yourself of the thought. “Yeah. Yeah I’m good.” You mutter, looking anywhere but his eyes. 

He pauses for a moment before speaking slowly. “Look, it’s not really my place to pry, but you’ve been standing out here in the freezing cold for over an hour.” Had it really been that long? Now that you think about it your hands and face were pretty freezing. “Do you want to maybe go inside?”

“With you?” you asked, slightly startled at his proposition. 

His eyes widen to the size of dinner plates, and you had a distant thought that he looked oddly adorable like that. “No! No, no. I mean unless you want to come to my house?” He half asked, slightly confused, eyes narrowing at his own question, shaking his head. “I just meant, you aren’t really dressed for the 3 degree weather, don’t you think you should maybe head back inside?” 

Oh. He was just being nice. You weren’t used to this. Leave it to you to jump to weird conclusions. You cocked your head to the side, looking at him with a dumb look. “Yeah…” you trailed off. “I was actually just about to smoke a cigarette, then I’ll head inside.” He gave you another unreadable look, and slowly started to nod.

“O- ok then.” He seemed like he wanted to say more, but stopped himself.

“Do you smoke?”

“Oh no, I don’t. Thank you though.” He said, rubbing the back of his neck and looking anywhere but at you, like he didn’t want to offend you.

“I’m not offended you know, I know most people think it’s a nasty habit.” You took the lighter back out of your front pocket and put the cigarette to your now very cold, very dry lips. “Want to sit with me?” You asked after you took your first drag of the cigarette.

Seungcheol looked back towards his house, and then back at you. “Yeah, let me go grab a coat and I’ll be right back.” he stuttered out. You hadn’t even noticed he was only wearing jeans and a flannel. Poor guy, you’ve been staring stupidly at him for at least 15 minutes, he must be freezing by now. 

“Take your time.” You waved him off as he jogged briskly past the trees and shrubs. You watched him enter his back porch and saw a few lights flicker on, then off again. Taking another drag from your cigarette, you looked back out over the lake. Leaning your elbows on the deck railing, you realized you were, in fact, freezing in nothing but a long sleeve t-shirt and pajama pants. You didn’t intend to be out here this long, only meaning to smoke one cigarette and head back inside, only to lose track of time.

“Want to sit down?” Seungcheol’s voice snapped you out of your reverie, slightly startling you. “Sorry - didn’t mean to scare you again” he laughed dryly. He pulled a couple of the deck chairs closer to the railing and sat down. It was then that you noticed he was now wearing a thick winter coat, and in his hands he held another coat, and what looked suspiciously like a blanket. You raised an eyebrow at him, but slowly walked towards the chair, holding your cigarette away from Seungcheol, respectful of others' distaste for the smell.

As you sat down in the chair to Seungcheol’s right, he dully shook the coat he was holding in your direction with a raised brow. A silent offering. “Thanks.” You muttered lamely, taking the coat from him. It was thick, and smelled citrus-y. Oranges? With maybe a hint of cloves. It smelled manly, it smelled nice, wrapping you in his scent when you threw it over your shoulders. 

“No problem” he gruffed out. His deep voice was soothing your cold soul at the moment, a feeling you haven’t had in a long time. “I- I brought a blanket” he hesitates, slowly unfolding the blanket, watching your face to make sure what he was about to do was alright, “is this ok?” he asks as he set the unfolded blanket over yours and his legs. You nod at him, taking another drag from your cigarette. Once the blanket is situated, he grabs one of the legs of your chair and pulls it closer to his in a quick show of strength, so the blanket drapes all the way over you. You offer him a small smile, and then turn your head to blow the smoke in the other direction. “I don’t mind the smoke, you know. My older brother smokes like a train, I’m used to it.” 

You smirk at him. “Are you implying I smoke like a train?”

“N-no! No, of course not - that’s not, that isn’t” he starts to stutter, shaking his head, thick eyebrows scrunching cutely.

“Relax, Seungcheol. I was kidding.” You let out as you exhale your last bit of smoke, putting your cigarette out on the deck floor. You should probably bring an ashtray up here with you next time you visit, which was becoming more and more infrequent as time went on. You used to come up here in the summer with Joshua, too, but those days were long gone. 

He ducked his head slightly, the flood light illuminating the side of his face from behin. He really was beautiful, you noticed. A strong, slanted nose, with cute puffy cheeks, a defined jawline and those plump lips. They were a little red from being out in the cold, but cute nonetheless. They kind of reminded you of cherries. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that..” he starts to trail off, realizing he doesn’t know your name.

“YN. Sorry - my name is YN.” You stutter out, embarrassed at not having had the manners to introduce yourself before.

“YN.” He tries it out on his tongue. He likes the way it sounds. “Pretty.” He noted, face heating after he realized what he said. You smiled at him, the first genuine smile he’s seen all night and he realizes he likes it, and wants to see more of it, preferably in the near future. He gives you a bright smile in return. “What brings you out here, at -” he quickly pulls his phone from his pocket and glances at the time, “- nearly midnight?”

“Oh you know, just dealing with life.” You glance out into the distance, back at that damned lake. Seungcheol must have sensed your distress, because he is quickly switching the subject.

“It’s really pretty out here this time of year.” He states, lamely, looking out at the lake with you. “The lake freezes over in November, makes for some really beautiful scenery.” 

“Yeah… I know. I’ve been coming here with my family since I was 8.” You didn’t take your focus away from the lake as you spoke. 

“What… happened? If you don’t mind me asking.” Seungcheol quickly read the expression on your face and added, “You totally don’t have to answer that, I’m sorry, that was a dumb question.”

“No, it’s ok actually. I haven’t really talked about it in a while.” You chanced a glance at Seungcheol, his expression serious, focused completely on you. You were taken aback for a brief moment, wondering what was making you trust this man, before you went on, “My parents died almost 6 years ago. We used to come out here as a family every Christmas for the last two weeks of the year. I still make the trip every year to keep their memory, alive? I guess. That sounds kind of stupid saying it out loud.”

“No it doesn’t,” Seungcheol stated simply, “That makes perfect sense. You feel closer to them when you’re here, right?” You slowly nodded, still staring into his deep brown orbs. “Look, at the risk of making myself seem like a peeping Tom, I noticed you used to come here with a man, but I haven’t seen him in a while. Is everything ok with…?” His question trailed off. So he has noticed you before.

“Joshua,” you said, turning your head away, “my brother.” 

Your brother. He didn’t expect that at all. From what little glimpses he saw of the two of you, you always seemed like a bickering couple, and you didn’t look all that similar either, at least from what he can remember. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bring up bad memories.” 

“No it’s fine, you’re very observant, you know. How long have you lived there, exactly?” You asked, turning back to look at the sweet man beside you, gesturing towards his home.

“Almost 8 years. Inherited the place from my grandmother. The first few years I was only here on and off, still living mostly in Daegu. Fully moved in about 5 years ago.” His expression changed, looking like he was reminiscing on the past.

“So you must’ve seen me and Shua coming together before. He hasn’t come up here with me in three years. We don’t - we’re not really on good terms. He lives a couple hours away.” You left it at that, not really wanting to indulge in the reason why you weren’t on good terms. That was a conversation for another day. Your stomach dropped at the thought of talking to Joshua again. You were lost in the feeling for a moment before Seungcheol was speaking.

“I get that. Me and my brother barely speak either. I can’t even remember the last time I saw him to be honest.” He gives you a sad smile, which you return. You’re unsure why you feel like you’ve known Seungcheol longer than an hour, but he makes you feel warm in the middle of the harsh winter. You noticed his cheeks were becoming increasingly red and cursed yourself for being so inconsiderate.

“Do you, uh, do you want to go inside? I can make hot chocolate, or something…” you trail off dumbly. 

“Uh, y-yeah that sounds nice”, he faltered, grabbing the blanket draped over you, folding it neatly before ascending from his chair. You get up quickly to follow after him, moving towards the back door of your cabin. You didn’t realize just how cold you were until you opened the sliding glass door and a wall of heat hit you in the face. 

“Wow, I must have been out there a while. I’m freezing.” You chirped as you slid the door closed after Seungcheol stepped inside the threshold. 

Seungcheol pegged you with a questioning look, and at first you thought he must think you’re insane, before he said, “If you want, you can show me where you keep the hot chocolate and you can go take a hot shower, or something?” he faltered before adding, “I mean, if that’s ok with you, I know you barely know me-”

You cut him off before he could start babbling again, though it was adorable, giving him a soft smile. “That would be really nice actually,” you said, leading him to the kitchen. “I’m not sure what all I have stocked up here, but you should find everything you need in the tea cabinet, above the stove,” you pointed to the stove, “and the mugs are in the cabinet next to the fridge. Feel free to make whatever you’d like. I’ll be down the hall, second door on the right if you need me.” You smiled at him again, causing him to internally melt at the sight, “Thank you, Seungcheol.” The sincerity in your tone hurt him. He could tell by the way you looked at him that you haven’t been thankful for anyone or anything in a while and he didn’t like that. 

“Of course,” he croaked, I’d do anything to make you smile, he wanted to add, but didn’t. He just watched you trudge off to what he presumed was the bathroom. He mentally slapped himself. Why was he acting like an idiot in front of this girl he hardly knew? He knew it was because he has seen your sad eyes staring out at the lake for the past three days now, and years before that. Watched you stand, emotionless, wondering what was going through your mind. He’s perceptive, you told him that earlier, and it was true. Though he never had the guts before tonight to approach you. Now that he has, and now that he’s seen what a smile looks like on your face, he never wants it to disappear again. He’s too empathetic, a trait he inherited from his mother, sometimes to a fault. But he didn’t care right now. Right now, he just wanted to make you happy, even if it was just for tonight. 

You let the hot water fall over your face, reveling in the way the steam was making your muscles feel. Even though your body was relaxing, your mind was starting to real. You think it’s December 21st, just a few days before Christmas, though you aren’t entirely sure. You’d sort of let time slip away from you. You’d arrived at the cabin three days prior, and would remain here for another week and a half. Usually, when you came to the cabin alone, you spent those two weeks wallowing in self pity, drinking yourself to near death. This was the first time you’ve had any interaction at the cabin in three years. Thinking back to three years ago, you recall your lowest moment at the cabin. The reason for the downfall of yours and Joshua’s relationship.

It was Christmas Eve, and you had just finished off a bottle of your favorite wine. The fireplace was going, and some sappy Lifetime movie was playing in the background. Not that you were paying attention in the least. You and Shua had just fought over staying an extra day. You wanted to stay, spend some time together since you didn’t get to see him often since he moved, but he wanted to go back to Seoul to his girlfriend, Yuna. You never really liked her, but that’s beside the point. He was in his room, probably on the phone with her if the soft whispers were anything to go by, while you were on the couch in the living room. You had just poured yourself another glass of wine and were staring out the large bay windows that had a beautiful view of the lake. You used to love that lake when you were a kid. You and Shua would swing on the tire swing attached to the tree that was partially submerged in the lake when your parents would take you up here in the summers. In the winter, you and Shua would walk along the edge of the frozen water, admiring the beauty of it, listening to nature. Joshua always did love all the little animals he would find down there, and the insects that he would find and chase you with. But now, as you looked out at the dark abyss of a lake, it only haunted you with memories of your parents.

You had contemplated it before, but was never brave enough to act. At that moment, though, you really didn’t think there was anything left to live for. Everything had fallen apart. Your parents were gone, your brother hated you, and you isolated yourself from all your friends so long ago, you really didn’t have anyone left. All you could think about, as tears streamed down your face, was how Shua wouldn’t care if you were gone, too. Your parents weren’t there anymore to care. You would be doing him a favor, right? He didn’t want to be around you, so if you weren’t here, he wouldn’t have to worry about your nagging anymore. 

It really wouldn’t be that hard, would it? If Joshua really did leave and head back to Seoul, he wouldn’t even know. He called you, what, maybe twice a year? He wouldn’t be able to stop you, he probably wouldn’t even find out for a while. He could continue living his perfect city life with his perfect city girlfriend for another few weeks, months even, before he realized you were gone.

It’s a thought that would linger in your mind every single winter following the last one you spent with your brother at the lake house. 

Shaking your head, you’re brought back into the present. Were there tears streaming down your face, or was it the water from the shower? The choked up feeling in your throat pointed towards the former. Great. Could Seungcheol hear you? You hoped not. God, you hoped not. He seemed like such a sweet guy, kind and soft. You didn’t want to bring him down in your spiral and potentially scare away the only human interaction you’ve had in a while. He really didn’t need to see how down in the dumps you really were, you didn’t need to ruin this poor guy’s Christmas.

Little did you know, Seungcheol did you hear you. He had finished making hot chocolate a few minutes before he heard soft whimpers coming from the hallway. He immediately made his way towards the noise, realising that once he reached the bathroom door, he could hear you quietly sniffling in the shower. His heart sank at the sound. He didn’t knock, he knew he shouldn't. Knew he should give you privacy. But God, did he want to. Wanted to pull you into his arms, tell you that everything was going to be ok, and see that gorgeous smile again. But it wasn’t his place, and he knew that. So he walked back to the kitchen, solemn expression on his face, and waited patiently for you to calm yourself, wishing that he could be the one to do it for you. 

Seungcheol was unsure why he felt the need to comfort you. He hardly knew you, apart from what he’s seen of you over the years. Still, those glimpses weren’t really telling of what kind of person you were. You seemed kind, warm-hearted. You let him into your home, or your parent’s home, he guessed, when you saw that he was cold. You trusted him enough to dawdle about in your kitchen while you showered. That had to take some real trust, what if he was some psycho stalker? He wasn’t, of course. But you didn’t know that. He could be a serial axe-murderer!

The trust you put in him told him one of two things - you we’re either a very trusting person, or you had no fear, nothing to lose if he was in fact, an axe-murderer. The latter made him feel sick to his stomach. He figured you were going through a lot, but it’s been years since your parents death, you should be feeling somewhat better, right? No, he knew that wasn’t true. The pain of losing someone you love never goes away, he knew that better than anyone, and he didn’t even know the circumstances surrounding their death, or the fallout between you and your brother. Another thing he had intimate knowledge of. Either way, when he looked in your eyes, he saw a sad, broken girl. He’s been that sad, broken person before, and he wanted to help you through it.

Maybe his empathy wasn’t such a bad thing afterall. Maybe he could offer you something, anything, even just companionship, to help get through the holidays. So, he waited at your kitchen island, rewarming your mug of hot chocolate every five or so minutes, until you finally felt ready to come out of the bathroom. 

As you slowly towel dried your hair, you stared at your reddened eyes in the bathroom mirror. You knew Seungcheol was probably waiting in the kitchen for you, with long cold drinks, but you didn’t want to embarrass yourself in front of this handsome stranger with your tears. You splashed some cool water on your face and applied some moisturizer from you travel kit to attempt to even out the redness of your face.

After you were satisfied with the puffiness, you threw on your pajama shorts and t-shirt you had brought with you from your room, and left your hair wrapped up in a towel. Who were you trying to impress, really? You barely knew Seungcheol, despite the fact that you felt safe around him. He could be some psycho for all you knew. What you did know is at the end of these two weeks you would go your separate ways and probably not speak again until next Christmas, if you even made it to next Christmas. The thought didn’t make you shudder like it used to, and while it should’ve been concerning, it wasn’t. Not anymore. 

Taking one last look in the mirror, you hesitantly made your way out of the bathroom and down the hallway, where you could hear the clinking of glasses coming from the kitchen. Curious, you sped up a little, until you reached the open floor plan kitchen of your cabin, shooting Seungcheol a questioning look.

“Oh! Sorry - I just saw that you have some dishes in the sink, I just wanted to help. Sorry.” He looked sheepish, and you thought it was rather cute how much he apologized for things. 

“Thanks, but you really don’t have to,” you offered shyly, feeling slightly embarrassed he saw your mess, and sat at one of the barstools in front of the kitchen island, “Did you find the drinks ok?” 

“Oh yeah - they cooled down a bit, so I warmed it up in the microwave.”

You smiled at his thoughtfulness, taking the warm mug from him. Seungcheol knew that you had been crying, could see the puffiness in your eyes, but seeing you smile, even slightly, made his boba colored eyes light up. He watched as you rose from your seat, mug in hand, and made your way around the kitchen island. For a second, he thought you were going to approach him, but you walked right past him towards the fridge. You reached your short arms up and grabbed at a bottle sitting on top of the refrigerator, pulling it down and setting it on the counter. He watched on curiously as you opened the, almost empty, bottle of rum and poured some into your mug. You turned around, raising an eyebrow at his questioning look, “want some?” 

“Oh, uh, no thank you. It’s really late”, he advised hesitantly, sneaking a glance at the microwave clock. He didn’t want to upset you, didn’t want to overstep bounds as you were an adult after all, but he was also questioning your current state of mind. He figured staying sober would probably be the smart thing to do.

“I’m sorry if this makes you uncomfortable, if any of this makes you feel uncomfortable, you can leave. I’m trying my best to keep my head above water right now, both figuratively and literally.” You don’t know why you just said that to your neighbor, but you did and there was no taking it back. Realizing the weight of your words, you swallow loudly and paused. You removed your gaze from Seungcheol’s, slowly walking towards your living room to have a seat on the plush couch, ignoring the look he was giving your back. You never got around to redecorating the place after your parents death. It was almost like taking a step back into the past when you came up here. 

Seungcheol’s eyes widened a fraction before he schooled his expression, following behind you, almost forgetting his drink but grabbing it at the last second. “YN, do you want to talk about it? I know we just met, but I want you to know, I’m here for you. Or, I can be. Whatever you need. Someone to listen, make you hot chocolate, whatever you need.” He gave you a sad smile and sat across from you on the loveseat, setting his mug down on the coffee table. 

You took another sip of your spiked hot chocolate, reveling in the burn at the back of your throat, before following Seungcheol’s lead and setting it on the coffee table. “Why are you so nice to me? You barely know me,” you questioned him, pinning him with a serious look. 

“I’m sorry if I’m overstepping right now, but I know what it’s like to be depressed,” he looked up from his feet, resting his hands on his knees as he spoke, “I lost my mother when I was 15. I’m not saying by any means that I know what you’re going through, but when I lost my mom I felt like I had no one to talk to. I don’t know you, at least, not really. But if you give me the chance, I would like to try? We are neighbors after all.” His momentary burst of confidence falters as he plays with his fingers and looks down at the carpet. 

Your gaze softened at the absolute sincerity in his tone. Was this real life? You almost wanted to pinch yourself to make sure you didn’t pass out drunk on the deck and dreamt up some hot stranger to ease your muddled mind. You let out a breathy laugh, absent of any humor. You thought for a second, did you really want to unload this baggage on Seungcheol? No, really. It’s better to keep things vague, that way there is no one to hurt when you’re gone. “Seungcheol,” you started, causing his head to snap up to meet your gaze, teeth worrying his bottom lip, “You seem like a really nice guy,” Seungcheol winced, he could sense a ‘but’ coming, preparing himself for rejection. It’s not like he isn’t used to it, being the shy guy in a small town he never really had the chance to talk to many people. “But I can’t promise you that I’ll even be around in a week. I don’t want to get attached to someone, it’ll just be harder in the end.”

That was not what Seungcheol was expecting. His heart dropped down to the floor. He felt his stomach flip. Did you really just imply what he thinks you did? It didn’t matter if he barely knew you, you needed to know that someone cared for you. But he knew he needed to tread lightly here. He slowly got up from his spot on the loveseat and made his way over to you, crouching down so he could meet your downcast eyes. His hands were clasped together, but the moment you lifted your gaze to meet his, he unclasped both hands and held them out to you, wanting you to make the first move, conscious you might still feel uncomfortable with him. Hesitantly, you reached out one hand, which he grasped in both of his much larger ones. His warmth instantly soothing your cold bones.

“YN,” he whispered, barely audible, but you heard him, “I don’t know what your life is like back, wherever you’re from, but you’re here right now. I’m here for you, and I would really, really, like to get to know you better. If you can’t promise me a week, can you at least promise me tomorrow?” He didn’t want to scare you away, dreading what might happen if he does. He saw unshed tears glistening in your doe eyes before continuing, “I’ll come over, every day, and we can spend Christmas together. You don’t have to be alone this year YN.”

The thought of not having to spend Christmas alone was enticing. The last time you spent Christmas with someone and was coherent enough to remember it, was four years ago, when you and Shua came up here. The last time you were up here before that dreaded Christmas Eve three years ago. You wanted, really wanted, to take Seungcheol up on his offer. But you felt like you owed it to him to explain why you were like this. Why you weren’t able to get close to anyone, why you felt like this was a bad idea. You thought, if you tell him what happened, about your demons in your closet, maybe it would scare him away and save him any future pain. With that in mind, you spoke, ““That fucking lake. It’s caused me so much pain, and now it’s like a sick metaphor of my life,” it was barely a whisper that left your lips. Seungcheol could tell whatever you were about to say was heavy. He waited patiently, holding your sad gaze, silently letting you know he was listening. “They died in that lake. It was raining, my dad didn’t see the deer in front of them on the bridge leading into town. They had come up here for a weekend getaway without me and my brother, which they rarely ever fucking did. We found out two days later when they didn’t show up for work.” 

Seungcheol instantly remembered exactly what you were talking about. How could he not have put two and two together? About six years ago, he was commuting back and forth from the cabin to Daegu for work. He was on his way up here for the weekend when the roads were blocked off at the bridge, he saw the overturned car in the embankment of the lake. Everyone in this small town talked about the couple who drowned in the lake for years after the accident. He even heard about how their child had tried to drown themselves in the same lake a few years ago…. Oh. Oh God.

“YN.”

“It’s ok Seungcheol. I don’t want sympathies, I don’t want anymore ‘I’m sorry”’s. You offered to listen, so I’m getting it all out.” You looked down, becoming hyper focused on your hand clasped in Seungcheol’s. “After they died, me and Joshua would come up here for Christmas, attempting to feel more like a family. It never did, we would just fight when we were up here, nonsensical arguments that drove a wedge between us. We kept trying though, until three years ago.” You heaved a heavy sigh. He remembers that, too. He would always see you and that guy, Joshua, arguing on the deck, or you crying out by the tree swing near the lake. You stopped, unsure if you should continue. You chanced a glance at Seungcheol, his dark eyes watching you with - it wasn’t pity - compassion? His gaze made you want to continue, worrying your bottom lip with your teeth. “I tried to drown myself three Christmas’ ago. In that damn lake.” You voice was low, rough as you spoke through your teeth.

Seungcheol sucked in a breath, and he hoped beyond hope you didn’t notice. He wasn’t even sure why he was shocked, he connected the dots a few moments ago. He knew it was you. “YN. I - I,” he faltered. 

Not quite meeting his gaze yet, you muttered, “It’s fine Seungcheol. Now that lake is like this stupid fucking metaphor for my life. I ebb and flow, just like the waters in that lake throughout the year. I have my ups and downs. Then, every Christmas, the lake freezes over. It’s always hard for me to get through this time of year, especially without Shua.” You felt a single tear roll down your already puffy cheeks. You sniffled slightly, rubbing your nose on the sleeve of your shirt with your free arm.

Seungcheol stood up from his crouching position slowly, his grip on your hand still tight, your head shot up to look at him, suddenly afraid he was about to bolt. But he hesitantly took a seat next to you, holding your hand in his lap.  He could tell you were trying to scare him away, make him realise you were too broken to be fixed. He was determined to keep you talking, get all your baggage laid out on the table so he could assure you none of it mattered to him. “YN, what happened with Joshua?” He whispered, close to your face. He didn’t want to risk you building that wall back up, even if he didn’t exactly want to hear the answer.

“He found me in the lake. Freezing, nearly dead.” Tears were rolling down your face now as you sniffled, and you felt Seungcheol’s soft fingers rubbing soothing circles on your wrist. You looked up, gaze focused on the wall behind Seungcheol. “Brought me to the hospital, checked me in, and left. I didn’t hear from him for a few months after that. When I finally did he texted me and told me that he didn’t think he could handle my ‘destructive behavior’, and offered to pay for my treatment”, you murmured that last part, voice faltering as you sucked in a shaky breath. “I haven’t seen him since that night.” At this, you finally looked into Seungcheol’s eyes, your own crinkled in pain, tears freely falling down your face, and Seungcheol’s heart broke. No. It shattered into a million tiny pieces. He barely knew you, but he wanted to do everything in his power to make you feel loved, wanted to show you that someone cared about you. You weren’t going to scare him away with your demons, no matter how hard you tried. He had his own, he knew what it was like to want to chase everyone away with them. 

Seungcheol scooted a little closer to you on the couch, releasing your hand in the process, and gathered your shrunken form into his arms and hugged you close. A beat passed before you hugged back, uncertain if you should. But his warmth had you melting into him, your chest heaving with pitiful sobs. The hug was a little awkward, with you both sitting on the couch, so Seungcheol brought his leg up and slotted it behind you, between you and the couch back, moving even closer to you. Seungcheol’s ambiguous nature long gone as he rubbed a large hand up and down your back, pushing his face into your hair, shushing you. You sat there, in his embrace, for what felt like hours, but was realistically probably only 5 minutes. When your sobs started to slow down, Seungcheol pulled back slightly, arms still wrapped firmly around you, looking you in the eye, “YN-” he started, but you cut him off before he could finish. 

With a small sniffle and watery eyes, you whispered, “I’m broken Seungcheol. You shouldn’t be here, you shouldn’t want to be here. I only cause others pain.”

He seemed confused by your statement at first. His dark eyes searching your own for a second before he whispered, “I see you here, year after year. I can tell YN, I can see it. You’re broken by what happened, but you are not a broken person. You’re so beautiful honey, and from what I’ve seen of you tonight, you’re kind and worthy. Worthy of love, worthy of life, and worthy of happiness.” Your eyes started to well up with tears again and Seungcheol gave you a sad smile, thumb reaching up and caressing your cheek to wipe them away. “I didn’t come up to your deck tonight because I thought you locked yourself out of your house.” He admitted with a slightly sheepish look. “I came over because I’ve seen the torment in your eyes, and I’ve been there before. I don’t want you to feel like you have to go through this alone. I wanted to be here for you, regardless of how well I know you. Maybe I can get to know you in the process, b-but I want you to be ok, YN.” He softly whispered the last part softly, dark eyes starting to well with his own unshed tears.

“You barely know me Seungcheol. Your words are sweet, but I’m not worthy. I’ve been drowning myself in liquor, killing myself with these cigarettes, and pushing everyone in my life away for the last seven years. I’m a shit human.” You look down, hand reaching up to gently grasp Seungcheol’s wrist, slowly pulling his hand from your face. The hurt in his eyes was hard to miss. 

“I barely know you, but yet I want to know more. Doesn’t that say something? You think you’re not worthy, but I’m right here, telling you I think you’re interesting, lovable, and funny, if you give me the chance. I want to get to know you.” He pulled his hand, ever so gently, away from your grasp, placing it on your shoulder to pull you against his chest again. “You matter YN.”

You let out another quiet sob into Seungcheol’s flannel shirt, inhaling his soft citrus-y scent that has been a calming presence to you all night. “Promise me tomorrow, YN. Promise me you’ll stay tomorrow, talk to me, get to know me a little more,” he mumbled into your hair, “all I’m asking for is tomorrow.”

You thought to yourself for a moment. You could do that. You could promise one more day. Even if you had to suffer through it, at least Seungcheol would be there with you. Inhaling a shaky breath, you gasped out an, “ok.”

Seungcheol smiled to himself, a sad, small smile. He was happy you were going to give yourself a chance, even if it was under the guise of giving him a chance. He was determined to make you see life was worth living.

You woke up with a splitting headache. Was it from the copious amounts of alcohol you consumed yesterday, or from all the crying you did? You didn’t know. All you knew was the sunlight streaming in from your bedroom window was going to be the death of you if you had to endure it any longer. You let out a weak groan as you rolled over, pulling the soft duvet cover over your head. You didn’t want to get out of bed, but you knew you needed to get some water, or your headache was only going to get worse.

Throwing the covers off yourself, you slowly sat up in bed, rubbing the sleep from your eyes. You grabbed your phone from your bedside table, noting that it was December 22. Meaning you were right in your assumption last night. Three more days until Christmas. As you looked at your phone, you noticed your arms were covered by a thick, wool like fabric. This wasn’t your pajama shirt, what were you wearing? You stood up and walked over to the floor length mirror on the back of your bedroom door, still littered with stickers from that time you and your friend Jeongyeon visited the cabin when you were 14. 

As you gazed at yourself in the mirror, the events of last night came rushing back to you. Seungcheol. You were wearing his coat that he so kindly brought over to you last night while you were out on your deck. Seungcheol sat with you while you cried into his shirt for an hour after you had spilled your life story to him, letting all your monsters out to play. You could see the remnants of your sobbing on your face, puffy eyes and tear stained cheeks. After you calmed down a bit, Seungcheol wrapped you in his jacket and carried you to your bed, shaky and cold. He laid you down gently, pulling the covers over your sleepy form and whispered, “Tomorrow. I’ll be back tomorrow, and we’re going to get to know each other better. You promised.” before he left. Too tired to speak, you rolled over and fell asleep. 

Your face heated with embarrassment. A man you hardly knew took care of you last night, carried you to your bed. This wasn’t like you. He hugged you last night! You haven’t had any human contact in nearly three years. The last person you hugged was your therapist at the rehab facility, and even that was awkward and a little forced. You hadn’t even hugged your own biological brother in over four years. At the thought of Seungcheol hugging you, you felt butterflies erupt in your stomach, remembering how you melted into his warm chest last night. You didn’t realize just how touch starved you’d become in the last few years, but the evidence was right there. Shaking off your humiliation, you shrugged off Seungcheol’s jacket and rummaged through your suitcase for some clothes. Surely, you’d feel better after a shower and some breakfast. Right?

After rinsing the previous night from your skin, you dressed in some sweats and a t-shirt, not really bothering to do your hair. You didn’t plan on leaving the cabin today, at most you would sit out on the deck again. Heading back into your room, you hear a soft knock coming from your living room. At first you thought you were hearing things, until another knock, slightly louder, sounded through the cabin. 

As you made your way down the hallway and into the living room, you saw a smiling Seungcheol through the sliding glass door standing on your back deck. His arms were full, with… Bags? You rushed forward past the couches and unlocked and slid the door open.

“Good morning - er, I guess afternoon now?” Seungcheol stuttered a little awkwardly, albeit friendly. He stumbled through your back door and made his way over to the kitchen island. You watched wordlessly as he set down a couple of bags and a blanket on the marble countertop. You tilted your head at him as he turned around to face you. “I, um, I thought we could spend the day together if - if that’s ok with you?” he lilted his words at the end. 

You remember the promise you made to Seungcheol last night as you stared at him, mouth agape. One more day. You promised him today. You were slightly surprised that Seungcheol made good on it, half expecting him to bolt last night and never speak to you again after everything you unloaded on him, yet here he was, bright eyed and bushy tailed at…. Two in the afternoon, damn you really did knock out.

“What’s in the bags?” You questioned as you moved towards the kitchen, blinking dumbly at Seungcheol and pointing at the reusable grocery bags he brought with him. 

“Well… I noticed last night that you didn’t have much food in your fridge, mostly just liquor and soda,” your cheeks heated as he called you on your bad habits, “so I brought over some groceries. I thought we could make lunch and since it’s a little too cold outside, we could set up a picnic in your living room.” he offered, gesturing to the blanket sitting on your countertop. “If that’s ok with you, of course.” He sounded a little abashed, having not gotten your number last night, he wasn’t able to see if you were ok with all of this beforehand. He was taking a leap of faith here, hoping that you would take him up on his offer. It was the only thing he could think of that didn’t involve going outside in the snow.

You smiled shyly at him, “That actually sounds really nice, Seungcheol, thank you.” Not having a drop of alcohol in your system was making your normal, shy self emerge from the mask of indifference you usually wear, shrouded behind a layer of soju. 

Seungcheol offered you a bright smile, showing off his perfect teeth. His smile was warm, inviting, much like his scent. You were slowly realizing that you quite enjoyed his company. Maybe a little more than you should have.

You and Seungcheol had spent the afternoon cooking and chatting in your kitchen, making a kimchi stew from a recipe Seungcheol had in one of his grandmother’s old cookbooks. You discovered that he was a natural in the kitchen, moving through the recipes with ease. He told you stories about how he used to come out here to visit his grandma and she would always cook with him in the very cabin he lived in now. He told you about how he inherited it from her 8 years ago when she passed away, and how he quit his office job in Daegu to move out here and become a freelance writer for an online journal. You admired his bravery, being able to leave his life behind and take a risk moving out here. Part of you wished you were able to take that jump, you truly loved this cabin, and most of the memories that came with it. But alas, you were tied to your stupid corporate job in your stupid coastal city. It’s part of the reason you were always so jealous of Joshua, being able to make that move without you.

Now, you and Seungcheol were sitting on his soft blanket, in front of your fireplace, eating the stew the two of you made together. “So where are you from, YN?” Seungcheol asked as he finished off his bowl, setting it down on the hardwood floor. 

“Busan,” you stated simply. “I still live there. I usually only make the trip out here for Christmas now. Though I used to come up during the summers, too, but haven’t in a while.”

“And what do you do, in Busan?” he asked, stretching his legs out and leaning back on his elbows, full focus on you.

“I work at an animal shelter. Nothing fancy. I actually work in the office, but I get to hang out with the cats and dogs, too. I tend to prefer the company of animals, rather than humans,” you offered somewhat abashedly. You were telling the truth. You had always wanted to become a veterinarian, ever since you could talk, really. But you just didn’t have the time, or the money to go to school, so you found the next best option.

“I definitely get that,” Seungcheol agreed, “I have a cat at home. It gets lonely up here sometimes, and he helps keep me sane.” He smiled thinking about the furball he adopted a couple years ago, probably resting peacefully in his favorite sunbathing spot in his living room.

Your eyes lit up at the mention of a cat and Seungcheol filed that away for later. “Really? What’s his name?”

Seungcheol was more than happy to indulge in your sudden curiosity, happy he found something you’re actually interested in. “Bear. He’s a Maine coon. I found him at the local shelter in town a couple years back. He’s the sweetest thing.”

Your conversation continued throughout the afternoon much the same. You told Seungcheol about your dreams to become a vet that would probably never come to fruition, and in turn he told you about his previous job in Daegu as a marketing analyst. You shared with each other your big (and small) dreams and aspirations, discussed TV shows you both liked, and talked about different recipes you enjoy. You discovered that Seungcheol used to be a horrible cook, but ever since moving to the cabin and having to cook for himself, he turned out to be a decent home chef.

You were actually enjoying spending time with Seungcheol, something you really didn’t expect to happen when you were on the drive up here a few days ago. You haven’t really had a friend to talk to for a long time, your only close friend Jeongyeon having moved to the United States six years ago, you never really made the effort to make any new ones. Seungcheol was nice, you thought to yourself as he talked more about his cat, you wouldn’t mind being friends with him. 

By dinner time you were both starting to get hungry again, so you suggested ordering take out while you both cleaned up the mess in the kitchen from earlier.  You called the chicken place you knew of in town, while Seungcheol started loading the dishwasher. “Hey YN?” you heard from the kitchen.

“Yes?” You half shouted back, walking down the hallway towards Seungcheol. 

“Where are your dish- oh nevermind, found them!” He shouted back as you walked into the kitchen. He stood up straight after shutting the dishwasher, sighing and wiping his hands down the front of his jeans. “Dishes are done, food is ordered. What do you say we watch some Christmas movies?” You smiled at the look on Seungcheol’s face, he seemed so excited to be doing something as domestic as cleaning and relaxing, it made your heart soften just a bit.

For the rest of the night, you and Seungcheol sat in front of the TV, watching sappy Lifetime movies, eating chicken and drinking beer. It was probably the most fun you’ve had in quite a few years, and you were really thankful for his company. At the end of the night, you and Seungcheol exchanged phone numbers with a promise that you would give Seungcheol one more day, at least, to get to know you better. You agreed, and Seungcheol left with one final bright smile and wave of his hand. 

You sighed, rubbing your hand down the front of your face. Having Seungcheol here was a great distraction, but now that he’s gone and you can hear the faint sound of Christmas music playing on the credits of some crappy movie, reality was starting to sink in. After these two weeks were over, you’d return to Busan, Seungcheol-less, and have to resume your normal life again. A life you weren’t satisfied with. A life you knew you didn’t want to continue living. Being here made you feel like that life didn’t exist anymore, like you were almost, happy? But you knew that it would all be over soon and everything would hurt again. You didn’t want to let yourself get wrapped up in Seungcheol because only bad things could come of it, but he was making it really, really hard. You could see yourself falling for Seungcheol, allowing him to make you happy, being with him, domestic and blissful, in another life. But not this one, not the current life the universe had dealt you. You had way too much baggage, you would never be the happy go-lucky girl you were in your teens again. You would always live with this depression, with these demons. Despite years of therapy and a stint in rehab, there was nothing that was going to fix you.

As you changed into your pajamas, you stared at yourself in the bathroom mirror. Your eyes were sunken in, your skin was pale, and your hair had seen better days. You knew you hadn’t been taking great care of yourself, but you didn’t think it had gotten this bad. What did Seungcheol see in you anyways? Your life was a wreck and you looked like it, too. You sighed to yourself, running a brush through your hair. You promised Seungcheol one more day, so you were going to make it through tomorrow, at least.

December 23rd. Two more days until Christmas. 

You woke up feeling a little lighter this morning after having spent yesterday with Seungcheol, but you also had a weird feeling in the pit of your stomach. You’ve never really been one to believe in superstitions, but for some reason, you had a strong feeling something bad was going to happen soon. You tried to shake off the feeling. You had woken up early this morning, just before sunrise and decided to take a steaming hot shower.

After your shower, you got dressed in comfy clothes and decided to sit out on the deck and smoke for a bit. It was still early in the morning, the sun still on the horizon. It really was beautiful out here. You had the perfect view of the lake from your deck. It faced towards the east, giving you a gorgeous view of the sunrise just above the frozen lake. The colors of the sky were so pretty this time of day, oranges mixing with pretty pinks, you nearly felt like you were on set for a romance drama. 

There was a low fog rolling onto the embankment from the lake. It almost looked like dry ice, white billows of smoke swirling in the slight morning breeze. Admiring the landscape, you took a cigarette out of your pack, and slid your lighter out of your pocket. The sun was just barely starting to pass over the mountains in the east. You shivered a little as you lit up your cigarette, taking a deep inhale of smoke. You instantly felt at ease, the weird feeling from earlier dissipating with the sharp exhale of smoke. 

Seungcheol hadn’t gone to sleep yet, and was typing on his laptop, Bear in his lap, on his sofa. He spent a majority of the day over at your cabin yesterday and spent all night trying to get caught up with work. As a freelance writer, he made his own hours, but he wanted to make sure he was going to meet his next deadline, coming up in a few weeks. 

He gently closed his laptop and stretched his arms up into the air, cracking a few joints in the process. The noise startled Bear and he shot up out of Seungcheol’s lap, across the kitchen floor. “Sorry, buddy,” Seungcheol mumbled, sleep thick in his voice. He watched as Bear slid across the linoleum and jumped up onto the window sill above the sink. Seungcheol looked out of the window curiously, eyes catching on a figure. He stood up from his spot on the sofa slowly, making his way towards the window, mindful of Bear this time.

From his kitchen window, Seungcheol had a perfect view of you standing on your deck smoking a cigarette. He watched as you took a deep inhale every couple of minutes and exhaled white swirls of smoke through your nose. The sun was just beginning to rise and the light was catching beautifully on the planes of your face. Seungcheol took a moment to admire you, since he hasn’t really had the chance before. You were always intently watching him, waiting for his next move, almost like you were afraid he would leave, never quite giving in to his friendship.

The light shone over your features beautifully, highlighting your sharp cheekbones and sunken in eyes. Seungcheol noticed you looked a little thin, he wasn’t sure if that had to do with heredity or your mental state, but he tried not to dwell on it. Long eyelashes flutter over your cheeks everytime you close your eyes, basking in the sunlight. Your fingers, long and slender, held the cigarette so delicately. You seemed so fragile, so ethereal, he wonders why the world had to be so cruel to you. What did you do to deserve the foul things that have happened to you? Nothing, you didn’t do anything, he reminded himself. You were just delt a bad hand at life. 

He watched as your long hair fluttered around your face in the breeze. It looks like you just washed it, he thought, you must be cold in the crisp morning air. With one last exhale of smoke, you put your cigarette out on the railing of your deck. Seungcheol smirked to himself when he saw the small pout form on your lips. How could someone be so beautiful, yet so broken? Seungcheol wasn’t sure why he felt this strong urge to protect you, to prevent any further harm from coming to you, but he knew that he would do everything in his power to make sure you felt cared for. He was drawn to you, in a way he has never been drawn to another person. It both scared and excited him and sent butterflies fluttering through his stomach and ribcage. He took one last glance at you through the window and decided it would be best if he got some rest before trekking back over to your cabin later. 

As Seungcheol fell asleep, all thoughts were on his pretty neighbor and the haunting look in your eyes as you stared out at the lake.

The rest of your morning went by relatively smoothly, having made breakfast after coming inside from your morning smoke. You cooked yourself some eggs and toast and then decided to check some emails on your laptop you brought with you. You saw a couple of emails from your boss, asking about adoption paperwork that he couldn’t find on your desk. You emailed him back quickly with the forms you had stored in your files, before powering off your computer, done with work for now. You moved the laptop from the top of your thighs to the nightstand next to your bed and leaned back against the headboard. You folded your arms behind your head and glanced around the room, taking in your childhood surroundings. 

The walls of your bedroom were still a pastel pink color with sponged on white clouds reaching up to the ceiling. You had a vivid memory of helping your mom paint the clouds when you were 8 years old. She would laugh at you everytime you would pout because the cloud didn’t come out exactly how you wanted it to. You smiled at the memory of your sweet mother’s laugh.

Across from your full size bed, was a white dresser with claw feet that still contained some old summer clothes from when you would visit during your breaks from high school, probably a few sizes too small now. Along the side of the dresser and the white full length mirror on the back of your door, were stickers from your favorite boy groups when you were a teenager. You and Jeongyeon had collected them throughout the school year and would stick them on when you arrived for the summer. You smiled at the memories this room brought back. This was the reason you kept returning here every year, you tell yourself. To remember the times when you were happy and loved life. 

You let out a deep sigh and sunk back onto your mattress further, eyes feeling droopy. When your head hit the soft pillow, you stared up at the ceiling, still white because your mom said painting the ceiling pink would have made the room feel claustrophobic. There were still little pieces of sticky tape stuck to it from when you had plastered glow in the dark stars and planets all over the ceiling, long since gone now, though the remnants remained. You were always fascinated by space. You remember when you begged your mom to get those planets for the cabin after putting them up in your childhood bedroom back home in Busan.

You never updated anything in the house, really, bought new furniture, or moved anything around. It would feel wrong, you thought. It wouldn’t feel like home anymore if you made changes. 

You hadn’t even entered the master bedroom, where your parents slept, since they passed. You know that Joshua has, having gone through some of their belongings in the years since their death, but you never could bring yourself to do it. Shua had also gone through his childhood things in his room, just across the hall from you, taking what he cared for back to Seoul with him. You wondered what was left in there, too tired to actually get up and check. As you reminisced on your cabin, your childhood, sleep began to take over, and eventually you fell asleep to the slow hum of the heater for a much needed nap.

-

You sat up straight in bed, clutching your shirt, breathing heavy. What was that noise? Ding ding. You let out a breath of relief. It’s just the doorbell. You swung your legs over the edge of the bed, briefly glancing at the clock on your side table. 4:03 pm. Damn. How long did you sleep?

As you got up to answer the door you caught your reflection in the mirror, straightening your bed head out a little. As you made your way to the front of the house, you heard soft knocking on the door. “Coming, coming!” you yelled out to whoever was on the other side. When you arrived at the front door, you looked out the glass pane next the door, finding Seungcheol standing there on your front porch. He was holding a - duffle bag? You squint your eyes in confusion, but open the door anyways. 

“Hi, YN!” Seungcheol starts, before taking in your appearance. You were wearing what looked to be pajama shorts and an oversized white t-shirt. “I’m sorry, did I wake you up?” He looked a little sheepish, despite the late hour, running his hair through his blonde locks.

“A-ah, yeah, but it’s ok! I really shouldn’t have slept this long anyway,” you trailed off, opening the door a little wider and motioning for Seungcheol to come in. “What’s that?” You asked, pointing at the black bag clutched in his hand.

“Oh, well…” he starts, coming all the way through the entryway and toeing his shoes off next to yours, he assumed. “Since the forecast says it’s supposed to snow, I brought some board games and some movies,” he seemed a little unsure, wary that you were going to tell him you didn’t want to hang out, or something. You smiled at him to ease his worries.

“I love board games,” you began, walking off towards your kitchen, Seungcheol trailing behind you. “I haven’t really played any in years though,” you falter, “I’m not sure I’ll be any good.”

Seungcheol gave you the gentlest smile you think you’ve ever seen from a man, making you melt a little more. What was this guy doing to you?

“Don’t worry, I’m not the competitive type anyways.” He gave you a little wink, making you think that was an absolute lie. Seungcheol’s eyes shot up to yours, a bright smile spreading across his handsome face. The tinkling sound of your laugh made his insides heat up. He absolutely adored the sound. 

The two of you ended up ordering take out again, Seungcheol insisting on paying this time, and sat on your couches with games and snacks spread out on the coffee table. You guys had already played a couple rounds of Scrabble, and one round of Scattergories and now you were leaning back enjoying the pizza Seungcheol had ordered. Just like Seungcheol had predicted, it started snowing around 6 o’clock and has been for the last hour or so. 

“You’re telling me you lived your whole life never having a pet?!” You laughed, hand covering your mouth still full of pizza.

“Nope. My parents never let me have a pet growing up and when I was old enough to move out I was just too busy to take care of one. A few years ago when I was feeling lonely, I decided to give it a go.”

You couldn’t imagine a life without pets. Growing up your family always had dogs or cats around, one time even adopting a pet hamster. You haven’t had pets in a few years, but you’re around them all the time due to work. 

“I love Bear, though. I couldn’t imagine my life without him in it now.” He smiled fondly, talking about his beloved cat. “What about you, any pets back home?”

“Ah, no. I don’t have the time anymore. But it’s ok because I spend most of my time with them at work.” As much as you hated the people you worked with, you absolutely adored the animals. You didn’t think you could ever work in a profession that didn’t allow you to work with animals, it just wouldn’t make sense to you. 

Seungcheol smiled at you, damn that smile was making you seriously weak. “I’d love to introduce you to Bear while you’re here, if you’d like.” 

You grinned brightly at the man seated across from you, “I would love that.”

“Would you like to come over for dinner tomorrow? It’ll be Christmas Eve, I can cook something for us, and you can hangout with Bear. I’m sure he’d love the company, I’m usually pretty boring.” He laughed. 

“I -” you hesitated. Why were you hesitating? You really liked Seungcheol. You liked him so much that you even forgot about your promise to him about ‘one more day’. You were enjoying the time you spent with him so much that thoughts about your parents, Joshua, and your demons were at the back of your mind when you were with him. You mean, you’ve literally only smoked two cigarettes today, that has to be some sort of record for you. So why were you hesitating? 

You knew why, you didn’t want Seungcheol to get too attached. It’s been at the forefront of your mind since you met the guy. Who were you kidding, you didn’t want to get too attached. You’d be leaving soon and it would only hurt you more in the long run. Seungcheol was staring at you, a hopeful look in his eyes. “I’m not sure that’s a great idea, Seungcheol.”

The crestfallen look on Seungcheol’s face made you want to immediately take back your words, but he beat you to it. “Can I ask you why you think that?” He was much bolder than when you met a couple of days ago, you noted. 

You wrung your hands together in your lap, having finished your slice of pizza a few minutes ago, the greasy remnants only slightly bothersome. “I just don’t want to make this harder than it’s already going to be,” you trailed off quietly, eyes fixated on a loose thread on the rug beneath the coffee table, “I have to go back home in a week, and like I told you a couple of days ago, I’m not sure if I even want to live that life anymore.” You whispered the last part, biting on the inside of your cheek. 

Seungcheol’s eyes softened. He realized it wasn’t about him, but about you and how you didn’t want to hurt him, once again. He knew you were too kind for your own good, but he really needed you to realize that. “YN. It’s just dinner. And who says we can’t still be friends when you do go back home?” he added extra emphasis to the word do, making sure to not use an ‘if’ in that sentence. He’s going to make sure you make it back home in one piece if it’s the last thing he does. 

You knew what Seungcheol was trying to do, and you really did appreciate it. You also really enjoyed his company, so you thought, why not, fuck it. “Ok.” you whispered out softly, finally meeting Seungcheol’s eyes. 

“Ok? Does that mean you’ll have dinner with me tomorrow night?”

“Yes. I’ll have dinner with you. On one condition,” you acquiesced, a soft smirk on your face.

Seungcheol’s eyebrows shot up, disappearing under his blonde fringe. “Anything,” he breathed out, a little too quickly for his liking.

“I get to cuddle with your cat all night. I really miss the animals.” A melancholic look took over your features as you remember the shelter animals.

Seungcheol tried, and failed, to hide a huge grin. “Deal.”

-

Last night, after you agreed to have dinner with Seungcheol, you played a few more board games, kicking his ass in Monopoly a couple of times, before you said your goodbyes. Seungcheol left the board games at your house, reasoning that he would definitely be back over to avenge himself in Monopoly. You giggled at him as you waved goodbye with the promise of dinner the next night.

It was now 1 o’clock in the afternoon on Christmas Eve, and you were starting to panic. Christmas Eve was a hard day for you to get through normally, considering the memories you have of this day. Not only that, but you still couldn’t shake that odd feeling that you had when you woke up yesterday. However, today is even more panic-inducing because you are about to have dinner with your cute neighbor, who you may or may not have a slight (read: huge) crush on. Something you realized late last night as you lay awake in your bed.

You spent a majority of your morning sulking around your cabin, taking more than a few smoke breaks on the deck, and cleaning the kitchen and living room up in your anxiety driven state. Even though you were eating at your neighbor’s house tonight, your own was looking spotless with all your stress cleaning. Now, with nothing left to tidy up, you decide to start getting ready for dinner. 

After taking a long, hot shower, you dried and styled your hair, put just enough makeup on to cover your dark bags and sallow skin, and ventured to your room to rummage through your suitcase in order to find something appropriate to wear. You didn’t bring much with you on this trip besides sweatpants and pajamas. It’s not like you would’ve gone anywhere other than the corner store for more cigarettes had you not met Seungcheol. 

You eventually decide on a dark pair of jeans that you luckily decided to throw in your suitcase last minute, and an old band t-shirt. You honestly didn’t have much else, and you were hoping Seungcheol understood (he did) you didn’t really plan on seeing anyone these couple of weeks. 

A little after four in the afternoon, your anxiety started to build up even more. You were anxiously awaiting Seungcheol’s text to head over to his place, and decided that it was a great time for a smoke. You grabbed Seungcheol’s coat that was draped over your vanity chair, your pack of cigarettes, and your lighter, and headed out towards the deck. You had been so wrapped up in making yourself look presentable, that you had mostly forgotten what day it was, and the dread you usually felt about it. It was nice in a way, but now, sitting out here on your deck, staring out at that damned lake, you couldn’t help but remember why it was you started smoking these stupid cigarettes in the first place. 

“YN?” you heard someone call, distant, yet still close? You were confused, you couldn’t open your eyes. Why couldn’t you open your eyes? “YN, can you hear me?” Joshua? Joshua! You thought to yourself. Why couldn’t he hear you!?

For a moment, your eyes fluttered open. You saw Joshua, hovering above you. But there was someone else next to him. They were wearing a uniform. A cop? No. They were wearing latex gloves and holding what looked like an IV bag.  “YN!” You heard Joshua yell again, he sounded scared. You desperately wanted to answer him, but your voice wouldn’t come through. You blinked a few times, before everything faded to black again. That was the last memory you had of your brother. 

Your cell phone dinged in your pocket, startling you back into the present. You looked at the cigarette in your hand, nearly burned to the butt and you haven’t taken a single drag. Quickly, you brought it up to your lips and inhaled before pulling your phone out of Seungcheol’s coat. 

From Seungcheol [4:33 pm]: dinner will be ready in 20, want to head over?

You glanced over to Seungcheol’s house, briefly looking through the only window that didn’t have the curtains drawn. You didn’t see any movement. Had he seen you out here smoking again? You looked back at your phone, taking another drag from the cigarette, before typing out your reply. 

From You [4:35 pm]: ya, be right over

You pocketed your phone and put your cigarette out, tossing the butt into the trash can on your way back inside. You locked the sliding glass door before heading to your room to spray some perfume. You didn’t want to go over to Seungcheol’s smelling like smoke, knowing he probably didn’t like the smell regardless of what he said. Before you left, you grabbed your keys, double checked the doors were locked, and walked the short distance between the two houses. 

Before you knocked, you took in the state of Seungcheol’s home. It was quaint, smaller than your parent’s cabin, but only slightly, painted white with forest green window sills and roof tiles. You noticed there were planter boxes under his front windows, but no plants to be found in the frigid winter. Hung on his front door was a cute Christmas wreath, plain with pretty burgundy poinsettias on it. You smiled to yourself, happy to see some form of Christmas decorations, not having put any of your own out. You’ve really forgotten how much you used to love Christmas. You loved the decorations, the food, the movies, but you’ve really forgotten what it was like to feel that holiday cheer. Having Seungcheol in your life, even for these few days, has really helped you see what you’ve been missing out on.

Before you could even lift your hand to knock on the dark green door, it was opening to reveal a giddy looking Seungcheol. You took a moment to drink him in, in all his glory. He was wearing some dark jeans, much like you, and a tucked in plain black t-shirt, his muscular biceps on display. You idly wondered if he didn’t dress up on purpose to spare you the embarrassment of not having nice clothes, but the thought disappeared as quickly as it came. His blonde hair, usually a disheveled mess, was combed out and surprisingly shiny, despite what looked like excessive bleaching to reach his desired tone. The moment he saw that you were wearing his coat, a huge bright grin took over his face, causing his doe-like eyes to scrunch in happiness. The look on his face made butterflies erupt in your stomach, as you mirrored his grin.

“Hi,” he said shyly, still smiling.

“Hi yourself,” you breathed, “thank you for having me over.”

He waved away your thanks, moving aside and gesturing for you to come in. “Don’t mention it, really. The pleasure is all mine.” You don’t know the weight those words hold, but he means it, you can tell. 

As you walked through the entryway of his home, you pulled off your shoes, setting them on the neatly organized shoe rack next to his front door. Moving through to his living room, you noticed how well organized his entire house was. There was a pristine looking cover over his sofa which also housed a couple of blankets and throw pillows. On his coffee table were a few books and what looked like photo albums. As you took in your surroundings, Seungcheol watched you curiously, one eyebrow cocked. You didn’t know what you were expecting, but you weren’t expecting him to be so… clean? Organized? Your guy friends growing up were never this neat.

“I like to keep things organized, sometimes it can be a bad habit of mine,” he trailed off, reading your mind, looking around his neat space, “dinner is almost done. Do you want something to drink?”

“Yes, please.” You sighed in relief. You were pacified at the thought of having a glass of something to help lessen your nerves. You only knew Seungcheol for the past three days, but for some reason, this almost felt like a first date, despite him never labeling it as such. God, when was the last time you went on a date? It had to have been at least 5 years ago. The thought alone made your anxiety flare up tenfold. It’s not a date. It’s just neighbors having dinner on Christmas Eve because they’re both lonely. Right? 

“I have both white and red wine, soda and different types of tea…” you were still standing awkwardly, hands clasped in front of you looking almost like you were afraid to move further into his house. Seungcheol walked up to you, gently taking your hand in his, causing your eyes to snap up, meeting his own. “Hey, it’s ok,” he smiled gently at you, “come on, I’ll get us some drinks.” 

He led you into his kitchen which had his dining room attached, a small four person wooden table sitting near a bay window. It was cozy, you thought, somewhere you would like to retire to. Now, that wasn’t a thought you’d had in a long time. You never pondered about growing old anymore, surprise you even made it this far into your life. The thought made you pause for a moment, licking your lips and shaking your head slightly.

Seungcheol let go of your hand to reach into a cabinet by his sink. “Wine ok?” he asked, sensing the tension in your body. 

“Y-yes. Red, please.” You weren’t sure why you were being so shy and awkward, you’ve spent the last couple of days getting to know Seungcheol, pretty well you might add. You’ve talked about all kinds of topics, including incredibly deep ones. You think it’s partly to do with what day it is, as Christmas Eve always puts you a little more on edge, and a little more flighty. Seungcheol quietly pours two glasses of red wine, passing one to you politely. You murmur a thank you before taking a sip.

Seungcheol watches you as you sip your wine, looking around his kitchen curiously. He could sense your anxiety, it was rolling off of you in waves. He didn’t want this to be awkward, he wanted to make sure you had a good night, and wanted to take your mind off of things for a while. He figured Christmas Eve was difficult for you, and if your nerves were anything to go by, he was correct in his assumption. “Want to meet Bear?” he asked, hopeful it would help shift your mood a little. 

Your eyes lit up at the mention of the cat, and were quickly nodding your head. Seungcheol walked away down the hallway, returning moments later with a fluffy dark brown cat in his arms. “He’s a little shy, but if you give him some time, he’ll warm up to you,” Seungcheol smiled at you, his cheeks puffing up cutely, leading you over to his couch, sitting down with Bear in his lap. Slowly, you sat down too, not wanting to scare the creature, and sat your wine glass on a wooden coaster on the coffee table. 

Immediately upon sitting, Bear hopped off Seungcheol’s lap and right into yours. You let out a small, shocked gasp as the cat started kneading into your thighs, making himself comfortable. Seungcheol’s eyes widened as they met you. “H-he never does that. It usually takes him a while to warm up to people. In fact, the first time my friend Mingyu came over, he nearly lost an eye to him.” He chuckled lowly at the memory. 

“Animals usually like me,” you said softly, bringing your hand up to run through Bear’s fur. It was long, and extremely fluffy, “I think they know how much I adore them.” Seungcheol watched on as you smiled down at his now purring cat in your lap. For a brief moment, he wondered what it would be like to adopt another cat with you, or maybe even a dog, before lightly shaking his head to rid himself of such thoughts and rising from the couch. 

“I’m gonna check on dinner, it should be done soon. You’ll probably be… occupied, until then.” Seungcheol gave you a soft smile, which you returned, before walking off into the kitchen. You leaned back into the soft fabric of the couch, absentmindedly running your hand over Bear. 

You could hear the clinking of dishes coming from the kitchen as you loved on Bear. Whatever Seungcheol was cooking smelled absolutely delicious and was making your mouth water. You had only eaten breakfast today, and were on the verge of starving at this point. On top of that, you haven’t had a Christmas meal in ages. You were actually starting to get excited about having dinner with Seungcheol, and you had this purring love bug in your lap, and your glass of wine, to thank. Maybe accepting his invite hadn’t been such a bad thing after all.

“It’s ready!” Seungcheol called from the kitchen, scaring the sleeping cat, causing him to jump up and run off towards the kitchen. “Oh you scaredy cat,” Seungcheol grumbled as Bear slid past him on the floor. You chuckled as you got up from the couch and headed towards the dining table. Upon seeing what Seungcheol had laid out on the table, your eyes widened and you let out a breathy gasp. 

“You made all of this?!” You questioned incredulously. 

“U-uh, yeah? I told you, I used to cook with my grandma. We always made Christmas dinners together,” he ran his hand through his, now messy, locks, “I still try and cook as much as I can, I actually enjoy it. My friend Mingyu has given me lot’s of pointers, too.” He looked away, blush rising to his cheeks.

You looked at all the different assortments of food Seungcheol had prepared. There was a large skillet that contained beef bulgogi, and smaller dishes that housed kimchi, steamed eggs, japchae, and steamed rice. There were also two bowls of some kind of stew that made your mouth water, “It looks amazing, Seungcheol!” You exclaimed, a genuine smile on your face. 

“Well let’s not stare at it all night. Let’s eat!”

You and Seungcheol ate your meal, laughing at each other’s odd Christmas stories from your childhoods. You learned more about his life in Daegu and you told him stories of Jeongyeon and the trouble the two of you got up to in middle school. 

You both had another glass of wine with dinner, feeling looser as the night went on. Bear sat close to his owner, tail flicking idly, waiting for scraps of food to be accidentally flung from chopsticks during conversation. According to Seungcheol, the cat loved eggs, a trait he found both odd and endearing. You were so enthralled in conversation with Seungcheol, you barely registered that the food was nearly gone, two glasses of wine downed, and it was nearing midnight already. Sparing a glance at the oven clock, you realized just how late it was getting.  “Do you mind…” you started, before hesitating, unsure if you wanted to ask. 

“What is it, YN?” Seungcheol encouraged you. He was so kind, always observant, sensing when you needed a little push.

“Would you mind if I went out back to smoke?” You looked away, rubbing your hand up and down your arm, embarrassed that you were about to bring your conversation to and end just because you needed to smoke. Nasty habit, you knew you should quit, but it was hard.

“Oh, of course! Sorry, I didn’t realize it was getting so late,” he started, looking at the clock, getting up from his seat and grabbing dishes, “want me to join you? I can deal with this mess later.”

You grabbed your own plate, following him to the sink and setting it down gently. You hesitated for only a moment before you whispered, “Yeah, I think I’d like that.” You smile at Seungcheol, happy for the company for once.

Seungcheol didn’t have a deck like you, but he had a nice yard with a cute picket fence lining one side. Right off his dining room was a sliding glass door that led to a small concrete patio that was furnished with a couple patio chairs and a fire pit. His land went straight back, down to the lake, just like yours. The only thing separating your properties was a line of shrubs and trees. Seungcheol was busying himself with the fire pit as you sat in one of the chairs. You opened your pack of cigarettes, noticing you only had one left, mentally noting you’d have to run down to the store to grab more tomorrow morning. 

As you lit your cigarette, Seungcheol was lighting a small fire with the wood he kept by the backdoor. You idly wondered if he chopped it himself. With how muscular he was it wouldn’t surprise you. It was a small fire he lit, but it was enough to keep you warm in the freezing weather. Instead of sitting down in the chair across from you, like you expected him to, Seungcheol stood in front of you and held his hand out. For a moment, you were confused, until you realized he wanted you to take his outstretched hand. You complied, placing your free hand in his, turning your head to blow out your previous inhale of smoke. 

Seungcheol gave you a gentle tug, indicating he wanted you to stand up. As you stood, Seungcheol maneuvered himself behind you, so you were standing directly in front of the fire, as he shakily wrapped his arms around your middle. The feeling of his large hands on your waist was doing things to you in your alcohol hazed state. 

“Is this ok?” he asked quietly, lips close to your ear and he set his chin on your shoulder. You nodded slightly, feeling almost dizzy from whatever this feeling was that Seungcheol was causing. You could feel his warm breath on your neck as you took another drag from your cigarette. 

“Does the smoke not bother you?” you asked, a little forced, holding the smoke in your lungs. 

“I just want to be close to you,” he whispers, pausing for a moment, “YN, I like you.” 

You giggled at his comment, releasing the smoke from your chest. “I like you too, Seungcheol.”

“No, YN, I mean I really, really like you.” He was emboldened by the alcohol in his system, not wanting to hold back any longer.

To say you were surprised by his sudden confession would be an understatement. You took a sharp inhale of breath, nearly choking on the cold air, and not because of your cigarette, before Seungcheol began again, “I’m sorry if it’s sudden, or if it’s not what you want to hear right now, but I really need you to know that I enjoy spending time with you, and would love the opportunity to get to know you better, if you’ll allow me.” You tossed the butt of your cigarette into the fire pit, blowing out the final bit of smoke, and hesitantly turned around in Seungcheol’s arms. 

Your arms snaked around his shoulder, criss-crossing behind his neck. “You wouldn’t be saying that if you knew the things that go on in my head.” The wine was making you bold too, making you want to tell Seungcheol exactly how you felt. “I’m afraid if you get to know me, you wont like what you find.” Your voice was low, but being so close to you, he had no problem hearing your words.

Seungcheol sighed, looking deep into your eyes that have long since lost their sparkle. “I can’t promise you much, YN. I’m a freelance writer who lives in the middle of nowhere. But what I can promise you, is that whatever I find in you, wont send me running. I know what I’ve already found in you - you’re a sweet, compassionate girl, who in just three days has me falling head over heels,” he breathed, inches away from your face, “I’ve never met anyone like you, YN.” Seungcheol brought his hand from your waist up to your face, the chill making you shudder slightly, ever so gently gracing the back of his fingers against your sharp cheekbone. 

You leaned into his touch, not remembering what it was like to be cared for in such a gentle manner. “Seungcheol, I-” you weren’t sure what you wanted to say. You wanted so badly to give in to his sweet words, to let him in and break down your walls for him. You were scared, terrified even, of what that meant. He would learn all about your dark past, your demons, the monsters that threatened to take you down even still. A silent tear trailed down your cheek because of your internal battle. 

Seungcheol was quick to swipe it away with his thumb. “You don’t have to say anything back, YN,” his voice barely a whisper, like if he spoke too loud you’d blow away in the cold breeze, “Just promise me one thing?” You made a sound of confirmation, “One more day.”

At that, you broke down in Seungcheol’s strong arms. Your face pushed into his firm chest, tears flowing freely. Sobs wracked your chest and Seungcheol held you, rubbing a hand up and down your back. You weren’t sure, but you think you feel Seungcheol’s chest rising and falling in a rhythm that made it seem like he was crying with you. You didn’t want to chance a look at him, worried it would break you further. You stood there for what felt like an eternity before you calmed enough to pull back from Seungcheol, hands unclasping from behind his back and coming around to fist in the front of his shirt. “Thank you, Seungcheol. Thank you.” You let out a couple more weak sobs, before hugging him as tightly as you could. You didn’t need to explain, Seungcheol understood.

You and Seungcheol stayed wrapped up in each other's arms for the better part of the night, having moved inside to the couch, before you were getting too tired to keep your eyes open. Seungcheol was laying against the back of the couch, you slotted in front of him with his arms around your chest, holding you tightly to him. You let out a small yawn, making Seungcheol smile to himself. “Tired, love?” The nickname made your insides heat, despite how tired you were feeling.

You let out another yawn, bringing your hand up to rub your eyes. “Yeah,” you sighed, “I should probably get going.” You really didn’t want to leave, but you knew you should. You would feel a lot better in the morning if you slept in your own bed, not on this too small couch. 

“I’ll walk you home,” Seungcheol offered, standing up from the couch, pulling you with him. You moved to take off his coat before he stopped you with a gentle hand on your shoulder, “Keep it. It looks better on you anyway.” He smiled down at you, running his hand from your shoulder, down your arm, taking your hand in his. 

You smiled up at the slightly taller man, blushing profusely. You followed Seungcheol through his home, toeing on your shoes at the front door, hands still intertwined. As promised, Seungcheol walked you to your front porch, waiting until you had entered your house and locked the door before walking back to his own home. Once inside, you leaned your back against the door, head tilting until it hit the glass window pane in the middle of it. You sighed to yourself, feeling lighter than you have in years. You weren’t used to this feeling, and on Christmas Eve of all days. Well… You guessed it was probably Christmas now, with how long you spent laying on Seungcheol’s couch. With that thought in mind, you pulled your phone out from Seungcheol’s coat pocket to check the time. Before you could even register the time, you were stopping in your tracks as what greeted you on your phone screen. When was the last time you checked your phone? You’d been so wrapped up in Seungcheol you don’t recall looking at it all night.

On your lock screen, you saw a missed call. Several, actually. From Joshua. 

Your heart stuttered in your chest. Why was he calling you? You haven’t spoken to him in nearly three years. There was no reason for him to be calling you, unless there was some kind of emergency, right? Panicking, you walked further into the cabin, not bothering to take off the coat or your shoes. You sped walked right into your bedroom, eyes glued to your phone the entire time. Should you call him back? You weren’t sure if you wanted to speak to him right now, especially after the wonderful night you had with Seungcheol. But - what if he was calling to apologize, to make things right? Or what if something terrible happened to him? You had to find out.

As you unlocked your phone, you saw the notification for a new voicemail. Hesitantly, you opened your calls app, and clicked on the message from Joshua. You saw it was only about a minute long. Curiosity getting the best of you, you played the message instead of immediately calling him back:

“Y-YN? YN! W-what are you doing baby sister?” you could tell he was drunk from the way he was slurring his words, panic immediately rising in your chest. “Are you at mom and dad’s cabin? Yo-you always did love it there, didn’t you? Loved it so much you even tried ending your own life there!” A sharp laugh came from the phone, causing you to pull it away from your ear for a second. “You know YN, I wish you- you did. I wish I never pulled you out of th-that fucking lake. Then m-maybe I wouldn’t have to relive that God damn nigh-nightmare every fucking n-night YN,” you didn’t want to listen to this anymore, but your morbid curiosity made you keep the phone to your ear, you shut your eyes tight, hot tears welling up behind your eyelids, “G-go be with mom and dad, it’s what you want right?! I just-” the line cut off, ending the voicemail. You stumbled backwards, back hitting your bedroom door and mirror, making a loud clanging sound. You couldn’t see, lights still off, not having bothered with them when you burst in the room. Stunned, you still had the phone to your ear, other hand coming up to push at your eyes, willing the tears to stop forming. You slid down the back of your bedroom door, finally letting go of your phone, causing it to clatter down to the wood floor. Your breathing was ragged, eyes still glued shut in pain and panic. You were panicking. You haven’t had a panic attack in a couple of years, but you knew the signs. You hugged your knees to your chest and fell over on your side, sobbing into your forearms. 

Is that how Joshua, your own brother, really felt all these years? He wished he never saved your life? It shouldn’t be surprising to you, the last memory you have of him is in the back of an ambulance, grief written all over his face. That was the last time you saw him, until he texted you months later after countless missed calls, texts, and emails from you. He told you that you needed help, and that he needed to distance himself from you. Did your actions take such a huge toll on his life, that he wished you were no longer on this planet? In your muddled mind it made sense. He said he’s been reliving the nightmare, pulling you out of that lake must have haunted him. Of course he wanted it to end, why else would he have cut off all contact with you for this long?

You aren’t sure how long you laid on your bedroom floor, sobbing, but it must have been hours. By the time you finally pulled yourself up, you could see the beginnings of morning shining through your window. 

You needed to smoke, or drink, or do something to ease this pain. You remembered briefly that you were out of cigarettes, not willing to drive yourself to the store this early in the morning to buy more. Drinking seemed like it would only worsen your pain right now, so you pulled yourself over to your suitcase, tossing it open on your bed. After a few moments of rifling through your things, you found what you were looking for, before heading off into your bathroom.

It was Christmas day. Seungcheol hasn’t been this excited for Christmas since he was a teenager, and his mother was still around to make the holidays special. He hasn’t done much for Christmas since he moved out here. Every once in a while, Mingyu would invite him over for Christmas dinner with his wife a couple towns over, but she was pregnant this year and Seungcheol didn’t want to intrude. Mingyu told him he really didn’t mind, but he insisted it was fine, he could spend this year alone. Except, he wouldn’t be alone now.

Seungcheol was actually excited for Christmas today. Sure, he didn’t have a tree, or presents to give, but he had someone to spend it with. Someone special, which was saying a lot for a recluse like him. Wait until he told Mingyu about this, he would tease him to no end.

It was early, an ungodly hour according to Seungcheol on a normal day, but today was different. As he got out of bed, he startled Bear who shot across the floor, out his bedroom door. He smiled to himself and shook his head lightly. Such a scaredy cat, he thought to himself. Seungcheol planned on making some Christmas cookies, or maybe some rice cakes for today (Mingyu’s recipe, of course), before heading over to your house to spend the day with you. After his late night confession yesterday, Seungcheol was feeling bolder than ever when it came to you, and decided to shoot you a quick text to let you know he was thinking about you.

To YN [7:37 am]: good morning, love

To YN [7:37 am]: I hope it’s ok if I come over in a bit

To YN [7:38 am]: I want to let you sleep in a little longer, but I can’t wait to see you

He pocketed his phone, satisfied with his texts, for now. He assumed you were still sleeping since you were at his last night until well after midnight. 

As the morning went on, Seungcheol whipped up traditional rice cakes. By the time he was done, it was nearing nine in the morning, and he was starting to worry slightly that you haven't texted him back. He usually saw you out on your deck having a morning smoke by now, and he had definitely been sneaking glances out his kitchen window to try and catch a glimpse of you. He didn’t see you all morning, which was causing a slight panic to arise in his chest. 

By 9:15, Seungcheol couldn’t contain his panic anymore. Something was wrong. He could feel it. You should be awake by now. You always came out for a cigarette by now. Pulling on a coat, Seungcheol put on his slippers, rice cakes long forgotten, as he trudged over to your front door.

He knocked gently at first, not wanting to startle you if you indeed were just sleeping in. No response. This time, Seungcheol knocked on the door a little harder, making enough noise to wake you up without a doubt. He waited a couple of minutes before the feeling in his chest dropped to his stomach. He felt sick. This isn’t right. 

Seungcheol walked around the front of your house to peer into your bedroom window. He vaguely remembered the location of it from when he carried you in there the first night you met. He put his hands up to the glass and attached his face to his fingers, looking into your room. He didn’t see you, but what he did see worried him even more. Your bedroom door was wide open and your suitcase was open on your bed. He glanced at the driveway to confirm your car was indeed still there before he ran around to your back deck. Seungcheol was in full panic mode now, seconds away from breaking a window. He sincerely hoped he was overreacting, but after everything you’ve shared with him the past few days, he was suspecting the worse. When he got to your sliding glass door, he attempted to open it, and to his surprise it slid right open. He would have to give you a lecture about locking your doors after he made sure you were ok.

“YN?” he called out, slightly louder than he meant to, panic overtaking him, “YN? Love? Are you in here?” Seungcheol walked through your living room hesitantly, almost scared of what he might find. He didn’t see any sign of you, so he trudged down the hallway leading to your bedroom. “YN!?” His voice was starting to become panicked the longer he couldn’t find you. “YN please,” he sighed out, realizing wherever you were you probably weren’t hearing him. He peeked into your room one more time to make sure you really weren’t in there. He didn’t find you, but what he did find was your cellphone, laying on the floor with a cracked screen. Seungcheol tilted his head as he knelt down to pick the phone up. It lit up with the movement, showing him the missed texts from himself, and missed calls from… Joshua? Oh no. “No. No, no, no” Seungcheol whispered to himself. This couldn't be good. He pocketed your phone, making his way further down the hallway. He saw light coming from underneath one of the closed doors and immediately started banging on it. “YN!? YN are you in there? Please love, open the door!” Seungcheol tried turning the door handle, unsurprised when he found it locked. “YN I will break this door down!” He threatened, terrified beyond belief at what he would find when he did.

With one sharp inhale of air, Seungcheol grabbed onto the door handle and shoved his shoulder into the door. Once, twice, and on the third hit it popped open, breaking the doorframe in the process. Seungcheol ignored the stinging pain in his shoulder as soon as he saw your prone form on the bathroom floor, empty pill bottle in the sink. The air left Seungcheol’s lungs as he knelt down next to your head, gently cradling your head in his hands, setting it in his lap. “YN?! No, no! YN!” He was frantically trying to get his phone out of his pocket and unlocked. “YN, honey, please. Please wake up, please. YN you promised. You promised me YN!” his cries were frantic, tears streaming down his face, “You promised me! Please YN!” he begged you to wake up, to be alive, terrified he would never see your eyes light up or your beautiful smile again. Hot tears streamed onto his phone as he dialed for emergency services.

-

Seungcheol sat in the waiting area of the emergency room, speaking quietly into the phone, fingers playing with a frayed edge of his t-shirt. “I don’t know, Mingyu, they won't tell me anything.” He hadn’t stopped crying since he found you on your bathroom floor, now just letting silent tears roll down his cheeks as he waited for any news.

“You’re telling me, you met some girl four days ago, have been spending all your time with her, and you find her, half alive on her bathroom floor? What kind of mess are you getting yourself into Seungcheol? You’ve never been the type to take an interest in girls, much less ones you barely know!” Mingyu half-yelled through the phone. Seungcheol understood why Mingyu was worried, he really did, but he was just looking for some kind of anchor right now to keep him grounded.

“Gyu, please,” Seungcheol barely whimpered into the phone, lip trembling, “I l- I don’t want to lose her.” He wasn’t ready to say the words yet, not when he wasn’t sure if you were even going to make it. 

Mingyu heaved a heavy sigh, obviously frustrated with the situation. “I’m really sorry, hyung. I wish I could tell you she was going to be alright, she’s - what was her name again?”

“YN.” 

“Right, YN. From what you’ve told me, it seems like you got to her before it was too late, right? I’m sure everything will be fine. You said they’re pumping her stomach now, I’m sure it won't be much longer before you have more answers,” Mingyu sounded like he wanted to add on to that, but thought better of it, “Do you need me to come by? Eunha is at her parents house right now, I hung back to talk to you, I don’t mind-”

“Mingyu, no. It’s fucking Christmas. I’m sorry for taking you away-” he sniffled harder, “away from your family.” The dam is broken now, Seungcheol was unable to stop the tears from flowing, sobs wracking his small frame. 

Mingyu’s heart broke at the sound of his oldest friend’s tears. He didn’t mind leaving his wife for a few hours, he knew she was safe with her parents, probably about to start working on dinner for tonight. “I’ll be there as soon as I can, hyung. Hang in there.”

Seungcheol let out a shaky sigh, looking down at his now black phone screen. He felt like he was underwater, like his heart was beating in his ears. He could vaguely hear the chatter of the nurses and people in the waiting room, but his sole focus was on the pounding in his chest and the sinking feeling in his gut. All he could think about was you; what drove you to this? What could he have done differently last night to ensure your safety? Why was your brother calling you insistently throughout the morning? Most importantly, were you going to be ok? He didn’t want to think about that right now, couldn’t think about that right now, unless he wanted the hospital to have to admit him, too. 

Before Seungcheol could spiral any further, he felt a warm hand on his shoulder. He looked up to see his younger friend, dressed in gray sweats and a loose black pullover. Mingyu had a sad look in his eyes, not pity, but heartache at the pain his friend was feeling. Mingyu squatted down in front of Seungcheol, his tall stature making them eye level, hand still on his shoulder, “Hey man. Any news?” He asked, solemnly. 

Seungcheol shook his head slightly, trying to collect himself enough to utter a few words. “No. Nothing.” Seungcheol squeezed his eyes shut, willing the tears to stop, just for a moment. His effort was all in vain, as Mingyu took hold of Seungcheol’s hand, pulling him up into the taller man’s chest, embracing him. Seungcheol’s smaller frame seemed tiny in this moment, shoulders shrunk in on themselves, as Mingyu hugged the broken man.

“Why don’t you tell me about her?” Mingyu whispered to Seungcheol, rubbing a hand up and down his back comfortingly. “We can grab some coffee and you can tell me all about her.” Mingyu wanted to get Seungcheol away from this waiting room full of curious eyes, and wanted him to relax a little. He knew he was going to want to see you as soon as you were in the clear, and he wanted to make sure he was in a good enough state to do so. He could feel Seungcheol nod against his chest, pulling away but still keeping one arm around the shorter man’s shoulders. 

Seungcheol and Mingyu sat at a quiet table in the corner of the hospital cafeteria, nursing two black coffees. Seungcheol was staring out of the window to his right, not really paying attention to what Mingyu was saying.

“Seungcheol, do you want to talk about it? How did you guys even meet?”

Seungcheol gave a small shrug, “She’s been visiting every year since I moved into my grandma’s house. I just now finally built up the courage to say hi. She seemed sad.” had a permanent frown in his brow. 

“So you wanted to say hello because she seemed sad?” Mingyu seemed unconvinced, still confused at his hyung’s actions, being so out of the ordinary for Seungcheol.

“Yes, Gyu, what more do you want from me?” Seungcheol shot the younger man a glare from where he sat across from him.

Mingyu leaned back slightly, holding his hands up in a pacifying manner. “Hey, hey, man. I just want to hear about her, want you to tell me about her. That’s all.” He said in a hushed tone.

Seungcheol looked down at his coffee, focusing on the small billows of steam rising from it. “I’m sorry - I just -” he looked up at Mingyu, unshed tears threatening to fall again, “She’s perfect, you know? She doesn’t deserve any of this pain. She’s lost her parents, her brother, basically everyone who cared about her. I just wanted to- to be someone she could lean on,” he blinked rapidly, trying to rid the tears before adding on, “I think I love her, Gyu.”

Mingyu’s eyes widened a fraction before he schooled his expression, nodding his head. “I support you Seungcheol, you know that. I always will.” Seungcheol nodded at this. He knew it, would never forget it. Him and Mingyu had been through so much together, that’s why he was the first person Seungcheol called when he got to the hospital this morning. “What do you think happened that caused her to do this?”

Seungcheol bit his lip, remembering he had your phone tucked away in his pocket still. He slid it out, setting it on the tabletop between him and Mingyu. “I’m not sure… but I think it has something to do with her brother calling her.” As if he was summoned, Joshua’s name appeared on the small screen, phone vibrating so violently it moved a little across the table, the sound loud in the silence of the room. He’d been calling all morning, and from what Seungcheol could gather from your lock screen, all night, too. It wasn’t his place to go through your phone, or to answer the calls from your brother, especially if him calling had anything to do with your current condition.

“Are you going to answer him?” Mingyu hesitantly asked, looking from the phone, to Seungcheol, and back again as the vibrating faded out. 

Seungcheol shook his head quickly, causing a sharp pain to shoot through his temple. He really needed to stop crying, he thought. “No. What if he’s the reason she’s here in the first place?”

“He’s her brother right? Her family?” Mingyu started, seeing Seungcheol nod in confirmation he continued, “don’t you think he should know his sister is in the hospital for attempted suicide?”

Seungcheol scoffed. He was bitter, but part of him knew Mingyu was right. He’s still her family, after all. Would it be the right thing to do, to tell him you’re here? Would he even want to see you? From what you’ve told Seungcheol about your brother, he doesn’t think so. “He left her the last time it happened, hasn’t spoken to her since,” Seungcheol mumbled, almost too quietly for Mingyu to hear, “I’m not sure he would even care.”

Mingyu pursed his lips. He doesn’t know you, nor is he going to pretend to know what it’s like to be in your shoes. Seungcheol knew you better than he did, so he was going to take Seungcheol’s word for it. “Want to head back up? See if there’s any news?” Seungcheol nodded, looking down at the floor. The both grabbed their to-go cups and headed towards the elevators. 

-

Pain. Seething hot pain in your throat, that’s all you mind was focusing on right now. Your vision was black, and no matter how hard you tried to make a sound, nothing would come out. It felt like a thousand hot knives were forcing themselves down your esophagus, blocking any air flow. You were suffocating, this must be what it feels like to die, right? Because the last thing you remember was laying down on the cool tile floor of your bathroom after you swallowed your entire bottle of antidepressants. The pain in your throat must be from the excessive amount of pills you downed, right? Nothing else could explain this excruciating pain. You were obviously being punished for taking fate into your own hands. That was the only reasonable explanation you could come up with in your current state of mind.

“She’s waking up!” 

Wait. Why can you hear people? If there were people around, were you alive? 

“Administer more Propofol, she needs to be unconscious for this.”

No. No, no, no, no. This wasn’t supposed to happen. You were supposed to be gone. You wanted to be gone, but right now all you could think about now was making this pain stop. You silently prayed that whoever was helping you would make this pain go away as quickly as possible. 

-

Seungcheol was leaning on Mingyu’s firm shoulder, both sitting on ugly plastic green chairs in the hospital waiting room. A nurse had informed Seungcheol that you were out of the operating room, and were moved to a more private ward of the hospital to recover. He wasn’t allowed in yet, as they wanted to monitor you a little while longer to make sure you were out of the woods. They explained to him that the first few hours after an overdose were the most crucial if there was any hope of the brain recovering if there was any damage. 

Seungcheol was distraught, to say the least. Torn between calling Joshua and waiting. He knew you didn’t have your parents anymore, knew that you and your brother didn’t speak, despite the 100 plus missed calls on your phone that said otherwise. He wasn’t sure if you had any friends back home in Busan, but from what you’ve told him, he guessed you didn’t. He remembers you telling him about Jeongyeon and how she moved to the States, so he figured she was out of the question as well. He was worried that you wouldn’t remember what happened when you woke up, and you would be confused and scared, alone in the hospital. He thought about calling your brother, just so you’d have a familiar face to wake up to, but the devil on his shoulder wouldn’t let him make the call. He had a sinking feeling in his stomach that if you did, in fact, remember what happened, the last person you’d want to see is Joshua. 

Mingyu was deathly silent, texting his wife and family updates about you and Seungcheol. Despite not knowing Seungcheol well, or you at all, Mingyu and his entire extended family took an interest in your well-being. Mingyu told them how you had no family, and they completely understood why he was missing Christmas dinner, being the kind and caring people Seungcheol knew them to be. Especially Eunha, he was honored to be able to call her a sister, just as he was to call Mingyu his chose brother. Seungcheol felt bad for keeping him, but Mingyu reassured him over and over again, this is where he wants to be right now. 

“Mr. Choi?” a mouse-like voice called from the circular desk at the center of the waiting area. 

Seungcheol shot ramrod straight in his seat, eyes searching for the voice. A short, dark-haired woman who looked to be around Seungcheol’s age, was making her way towards him. She had a sweet smile on her face, which only minutely lessened Seungcheol’s worries.

“Mr. Choi?” She asked again, hesitantly. She waited for Seungcheol’s grunt in confirmation before continuing, “I don’t have anyone listed as Miss Y/LN’s next of kin, so since you were the one who brought her here, would you like an update on her status?” He voice was kind and soft, respectful of the environment they were currently in.

Seungcheol cleared his throat lightly, “Ye-yes, of course. Yes.” He stuttered out, standing up and moving towards the kind nurse. He glanced over his shoulder at Mingyu, who gave him a small smile, encouraging him to go with the lady.

“I’ll be fine, do what you need to do,” Mingyu waved him off.

The young nurse nodded and turned around, walking back towards the desk. Seungcheol trailed after her like a lost puppy, waiting for answers. “Mr. Choi, we’re going to be keeping Miss Y/LN here at the hospital for a few days. She’s been put under suicide watch for 72 hours, as is protocol with cases like these,” Seungcheol nodded solemnly, understanding the severity of the situation, “I see you listed on her intake paperwork that this wasn’t her first attempt. Is that right?”

Seungcheol nodded his head. He didn’t like sharing your personal stories with this stranger, but he understood it was going to help them better care for you, which is all he wanted. “Yes. She had attempted… yeah. Three years ago.” 

The woman nodded her head, writing something on the clipboard she now held in her hands. “Thank you, Mr. Choi. We’re going to continue to monitor her, but her vitals are looking good, and there are no outward signs of brain damage right now. This could change however, as once she’s awake and alert, her doctor will want to do another brain scan.”

Seungcheol nodded, just glad you were alive and breathing. 

“She’s not awake yet, the sedatives are still wearing off, but they’ve removed intubation and she’s resting,” Seungcheol winced at this fact, “would you like to see her?”

Seungcheol’s eyes finally met the small nurses after staring daggers into the hospital linoleum. “I can see her?”

The woman gave a short nod and a gentle smile. “Of course. I can tell you care a lot about her. She’s very lucky to have you, sir.”

Seungcheol nodded, looking down again. He didn’t feel very lucky, and didn’t think you would either right about now. But he accepted the compliment anyway.

“Follow me.” 

Seungcheol followed the lady back through two industrial looking double doors, past sterile smelling hospital rooms and nurses and doctors moving rapidly up and down the corridors. Seungcheol always hated hospitals, they reminded him of when his mother and his grandmother passed away. He was so hyper focused on walking, he barely heard her when the nurse spoke again. “Before you go in, it’s best to take a moment to prepare yourself for what you’re going to see. It can be really hard to see a loved one in this state, so I’m here to answer any questions you may have,” she advised kindly as she came to a stop outside your room. Seungcheol’s stomach fluttered at the mention of you being his ‘loved one’ and he mentally scolded himself. This nurse had no idea about the strange dynamic that is your relationship, if you could even call it that. 

Seungcheol shook his head lightly, indicating he didn’t have any questions, at least, not for her. She gave one nod of her head, before clutching her clipboard to her chest. “My name is Mina, I’m the hospital’s care coordinator, please let me know if you need anything. I wish you the best, Mr. Choi.” She said as she walked away. 

Seungcheol took a deep breath through his mouth, exhaling slowly through his nose. He wasn’t prepared to see you in a hospital bed, but his excitement at seeing you alive was overtaking his senses right now. He slowly pushed the door to your room open, taking two hesitant steps through the threshold. His eyes immediately scanned the room, falling over your fragile, but breathing, body. As Seungcheol quietly shut the door behind him, tears automatically started falling down his cheeks, silent sobs wracking his chest. He swiftly closed the gap between him and your bed, lip trembling, and took your cold, limp hand in his. He didn’t even bother pulling one of those uncomfortable plastic chairs with him, he just knelt on the floors, kneecaps be damned. He wasn’t sure how he was going to react when he saw you, he knew he would feel relief at knowing you were alive, but he didn’t expect to be quite so overcome with emotion. He definitely didn’t expect to feel intense happiness at the fact that he could hold you again. You had no idea the effect you had on him, and in only four short days. 

You laid on the hospital bed, dressed in one of those white, scratchy hospital gowns. Your eyes were even more sunken in than Seungcheol remembers, skin sallow and taking on an almost sickly green color. Your hair was a mess, and Seungcheol inwardly cursed the nurses for not at least brushing through it for you. Your arm was bruised purple and green at the crease of your elbow where your IV now sat. Your bottom half was covered by a thick blue blanket that looked a little itchy. Seungcheol grabbed the top of the blanket with his free hand, moving it up farther on your body, tucking it lightly at your far side. Even in this state, you looked beautiful to him. Despite what has taken place over the last 12 or so hours, he was still enraptured by you and your beauty. 

Seungcheol brought your bony hand up to his face, placing a soft, lingering kiss on the back of your knuckles. He vaguely registered that it was your first ‘kiss’. He would need to make up for that later, once you were home and safe. His head hurt, his eyes hurt, and his heart hurt. He didn’t have any more tears to cry, just silent sobs as he laid his forehead on your cold hand. 

Eventually Mingyu made his way up to your room, after being informed by Mina that Seungcheol was up there with you. He knocked softly on the door twice before opening it and entering. Seungcheol was still knelt on the floor by your bed. Mingyu sighed and knelt down next to him

“She’s gonna be ok hyung,” Mingyu started, placing his hand on Seungcheol’s back, “you should rest before she wakes up.”

Seungcheol nodded, allowing Mingyu to pull a chair over for him before sitting down in it, never letting go of your hand. Mingyu sat in a chair a little bit behind Seungcheol, making sure the older man knew he was there for support. They sat in silence like that for a while before Seungcheol started to feel drowsy, eyes falling shut and drifting into a fitful sleep, forehead pressed to your bed. 

-

You slowly blinked your eyes open, squinting from the bright lights above you. An intense smell of bleach hit your nose causing your throat to constrict and burn. The burn. It was still there, but dulled from last time you remember. You closed your eyes again, squeezing them shut in pain as you tried to swallow, causing a small, yet hoarse, whimper to emit from your throat. 

Immediately, Seungcheol’s head shot up at the sound of you. He started rubbing soothing circles onto the back of your hand, still clutched in his. “YN,” he whispered, standing from his seated position, moving even closer to your body.

You blinked your eyes a few times before looking up at Seungcheol. He could see the pain in your eyes with the way they were scrunched up cutely at the sides. You brought your hand to your throat subconsciously and Seungcheol knew what you meant. He grabbed the pitcher of water from your bedside table and poured you a cup, passing it to you. You silently thanked him with a nod of your head and started gulping down the water. Seungcheol sat back down and watched you carefully. He heard Mingyu stand from behind him, dimmed the lights, having watched how you were squinting your eyes, and quietly left the room to give you both some privacy. Seungcheol reminded himself to thank him profusely later for the man’s foresight, but right now his focus was on you.

You finished the cup of water and Seungcheol took it from your hand and set it back on the side table. “YN,” he whispered again, bringing his hand up to brush against your cheek, “you’re ok.” He smiled at you, genuinely smiled for the first time since last night. He was so beyond happy to see you, alive and well in front of him. 

You had a million thoughts running through your mind right now, and Seungcheol could tell by the panic stricken look flashing in your eyes. He soothingly rubbed his hand up and down your arm that was free of any tubes. “It’s ok, love,” he comforted, “I’m here to listen if you want to talk, or if you don’t I’ll sit here with you in silence. You don’t need to explain yourself. I’m just happy you’re ok.” He smiled at you, and even though you could feel the love radiating off of him, you felt sick to your stomach.

How could Seungcheol still want to be by your side after what you had done? How could he still want to comfort you when you were like this? You broke your promise to him. You had a lot of questions, but there was one at the forefront of your mind. “Did you find me?” Your voice was rough from the intubation tube, which you guessed was the reason for your throat burning before. You looked away from Seungcheol when you asked, not being brave enough to meet his eye, in fear of what you might find. 

He sighed lightly, almost inaudibly. “Yes.” You could tell without even looking at him that he was choking up, on the verge of tears. At the sound of his voice, you let your own hot tears roll down your cheeks, not bothering to wipe them away, eyes still not meeting his. A large hand immediately came up to wipe them away. “Hey, don’t cry, love,” he whispered, “I’m not mad, I’m not upset. These are happy tears, I promise.”

“I’m not happy,” you sniffled, “I’m sorry, Seungcheol, that you had to see me like that.” You brought your own hand up to your face to wipe at your nose. 

“YN, I don’t care about that. I swear to you, all that matters to me now is you. I want to keep you safe, want to help you fight this battle so you don’t have to do it alone. You have me, all of me.” His words were so sincere, so loving, you spared a glance at him, and the moment your eyes met, you knew he meant everything that he said. Even in your current state, he sent butterflies erupting throughout your stomach. You took in his face for a moment, red and puffy, tear stained cheeks, but his eyes were happy. You felt safe with him. You knew you’d have to talk about what all this means later, explain to him why you did what you did, but for now, you just wanted to be in his presence. 

-

Seungcheol sat with you for the next few hours, texting Mingyu to head home to his family, apologizing profusely for keeping him away on Christmas. You didn’t talk much, just offering sweet smiles when Seungcheol would check to make sure you were doing ok. Like the nurse told Seungcheol earlier, your doctor came in to take you for a brain scan and to run some other tests. Seungcheol waited patiently in your room while you were being tested. 

When you returned, the doctor checked your vitals again, before letting you both know that he would be back in the morning to run some more tests, and give you the results of the brain scan. You both thanked him quietly before he wished you a merry Christmas, and took his leave.

Alone again with Seungcheol, you felt his calm aura wash over you. “Thank you,” you whispered quietly into the dim room, “I’m sorry I ruined your Christmas,” you said with a slight frown.

“You didn’t ruin anything,” Seungcheol assured, walking over to your bed and sitting next to you, “There is no place I’d rather be than by your side.”

Just as Seungcheol finished his sentence, a violent buzzing resounded through the room. Seungcheol’s eyes went wide as dinner plates as he realized your phone was still in his pocket. Hesitantly, he brought it out of the back of his jeans and showed you what was on the screen.

You flinched when you saw your cell phone. You knew you’d have to confront Joshua and Seungcheol about what happened sooner or later, but you were really hoping it would be the latter. You reached out for your phone, pushing the red decline button. Seungcheol looked at you with an unreadable expression as you let the phone fall to your side onto the bed.

You sighed, looking at Seungcheol, lips pursed. “Go ahead, you can ask me,” you offered, rubbing a hand down the front of your face.

Seungcheol looked sheepishly at you. Of course he wanted to know what happened, but he didn’t want to push you to tell him or to relive whatever it was that pushed you that far in the first place. His curiosity got the better of him as he chewed his lip raw. “What happened?” His voice was barely a whisper, the beeping of the equipment in the hospital room almost enough to mask it. 

“Joshua was calling me, I guess, while we were having dinner last night,” you wrung your hands together, trying to warm them up in the frigid temperature in your room, “I didn’t think to check my phone until after you walked me home.” Seungcheol reached over to stop your ministrations, cupping both your hands in his and blowing warm breath between them. You smiled slightly at his thoughtful actions before continuing, “He was drunk, I think. I don’t know if he even realized what he said, but - but he left me a voicemail,” your voice was getting quieter the further into your story you got, “he said he wished I had succeeded three years ago, that he wished he never saved me.” Your words shocked Seungcheol, hell they shocked you. You still couldn’t believe that Joshua said those things. The mere thought almost sending you into another panic attack.

Seungcheol was seething. He had his suspicions that this was your brother’s doing, but he didn’t expect those words to fall from your mouth. He gripped your hands just a little bit together as he brought the back of them to his lips, forcing his emotions down. Seungcheol bit down hard on his tongue to stop him from saying exactly what he wanted to say about your idiot brother, but he knew that you were still hurting, still recovering, and didn’t want to upset you or hurt you even further.

“YN - I’m sure he was just drunk,” he starts, before he realizes that the man who calls himself your brother has no excuse for what he said to you, “that does not, and I mean does not, give him an excuse to treat you like that, but you literally haven’t heard from him in what? Three years?” You nodded your head, worrying your bottom lip between your teeth. Seungcheol gently reached up and thumbed at your bottom lip, pulling it away from the assault of your teeth before continuing, “He’s called you over a hundred times since last night. I haven’t answered, he doesn’t know you’re here, as far as I know. If you don’t want to tell him, don’t want to talk to him, I will support you, but I also think it would be good for you to get closure from him. Even if that means cutting him out of your life.” 

You nodded slowly, taking in Seungcheol’s words. You knew he was right. You didn’t want to go through life wondering if Joshua really meant what he said, if he was sorry, if he still thinks about you. You decided to table the conversation for now. It’s not doing anyone any good stressing yourself out about it. First, you needed to have a serious conversation with Seungcheol about what exactly was happening between the two of you. You didn’t want there to be any questions when you went home from the hospital, wanted to feel secure in the choices you were about to make.

“Seungcheol?”

“Yes, darling.” Seungcheol said cooly, still holding onto your hands. He was doing that a lot today and you definitely weren’t complaining. 

“What is this?” You pulled one of your hands gently from Seungcheol’s grasp and gestured half-assedly between you both. 

Seungcheol’s brow furrowed momentarily before smoothing out and giving you a soft look and grabbing your escaped hand again. “YN - I - I don’t know what you’re expecting,” here it goes, you thought, he’s going to reject you. He’s going to say that this was all too much and he’s only here because he feels guilty. “I really didn’t want to do this here, while you’re lying in a hospital bed,” he scoffs lightly, shaking his head. Your heart drops. Is he really going to leave like this? You bite both your lips between your teeth, looking away to brace yourself for what he’s about to say. “YN, I think I’m in love with you.”

Your head shoots up so quickly you think you might have whiplash. Seungcheol giggles quietly at your reaction, bright smile on display for a moment. “W-what?” Is the dignified answer you sputter out. 

This time, Seungcheol is looking you directly in the eyes when he says, “I love you, YN. I know it’s only been a few days since we met, but I already can’t imagine my life without you in it. I don’t care what hurdles we have to get past, I don’t care about all your baggage that you seem to think will scare me away, and I definitely don’t care that you seem to think you aren’t worth it. I know you’re worth it, you’re worth all of it.” Before you could form a response, Seungcheol is standing up from his chair, wrapping both arms around your small frame and bending a little awkwardly to pull you up slightly to a sitting position. A beat passes before you realize he’s trying to hug you, and you quickly wrap your arms around his neck the best you can while  attached to all the wires and tubes. Seungcheol nuzzles into your hair, which you think is probably a horrid mess right now, and whispered close to your ear, “They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, right? I thought I lost you forever, that’s the biggest absence I could’ve felt from you. It made me realize I never want to let you go again.” He pulls back slightly, placing the softest kiss to your cheek before placing his forehead against yours.

You looked up at him through your now wet lashes, and you don’t even have to think about your next words, “I love you too, Seungcheol. You make me feel safe. Something I haven’t felt in a really, really long time.” You choked out the last couple of words, tears making their way down your cheeks now. “I’m so sorry I put you through this, I’m so sorry I broke my promise.” You were sobbing again. 

“Shh,” he shushes you quietly against your hair, “It’s okay, love. You’re here now, and that’s all that matters. Whatever we need to work through, we will. Together.”

“Thank you Seungcheol, I don’t know what I did to deserve you, but thank you.”

“Don’t thank me, YN. I just want to see you continue living your life.”

You sniffled, pulling back from Seungcheol to give him a smile. “Merry Christmas, Seungcheol.”

“Merry Christmas, my love.”

You were stuck in the hospital for the mandatory three days after Christmas, something you were unfortunately familiar with. During that time they ran multiple tests to make sure you didn’t have any lasting damage and you met with two different therapists. Sadly, you knew and understood these procedures, as this wasn’t the first time you went through them. The second therapist you met with suggested putting you on a different antidepressant from the ones you had before, along with an anti-anxiety medication for at least the next few weeks to get you through the holidays. 

Seungcheol stayed with you almost the entire time (aside from going home to check on Bear and to shower), sleeping on two chairs pushed together, despite you inviting him up on your bed multiple times. He refused on the grounds of ‘I don’t want my first time in bed with you to be at the hospital’, to which you rolled your eyes at. He brought back Uno to play with you at the hospital and even picked up some chicken from the restaurant you like instead of the hospital food you complaied about every night. Seungcheol had really lightened your mood over the last few days, mixed with the new medications, you were almost feeling back to your ‘normal’ self, or at least as normal as you could be. 

You and Seungcheol had decided that it would be best if you took at least one more week off work to recover after the new year, and Seungcheol was quick to offer to stay with you at your cabin, or have you come stay with him at his, enticing you with Bear cuddles. Eventually you decided on alternating between the two houses to give you a little reprieve from the memories your cabin will inevitably bring back. Neither of you were dim, you both knew being at the hospital was like a vacation away from your demons. When you stepped foot back in that house, you would likely struggle, at least a little bit more than you are here. The second therapist you saw not so gently indicated to Seungcheol that you shouldn’t be left alone, to which he cooly agreed without making you feel too embarrassed. 

Being on bed rest for a few days, on top of having your stomach pumped, really did a number on your muscles. You were consistently sore, and were almost too weak to walk on your own. Seungcheol was quite the gentleman, massaging your calves when they hurt and walking you to the bathroom when you needed it. You felt lucky to be loved by him. You wanted to be able to show him just how much you could love him in return, and made a mental note to do just that once you recovered. 

On your second night in the hospital, a man by the name of Mingyu came by to check on you and Seungcheol. He introduced himself as Seungcheol’s best friend and you learned he was married with a baby due in just a few weeks. He was kind and handsome, just like Seungcheol. You also found out that he had stayed with Seungcheol at the hospital, on Christmas, while you were unconscious. You vehementaly apologized to the man, getting into a bowing battle while you were sitting on the edge of your bed, while he refused your apologies. You decided you really liked Mingyu and his dorky and aloof personality and were glad Seungcheol had such a great friend to be there for him. 

You were finally being released on December 28th into Seungcheol’s care, something he wasn’t going to take lightly. The hospital made him sign paperwork saying he would keep an eye on you, ensuring someone was always with you for the next two weeks. While it made you feel slightly like a teenager again, you couldn’t deny that you probably needed it, and were just thankful it was Seungcheol who would be the one watching over you and not your idiot brother. 

It was nearing seven in the evening, well past sunset, when Seungcheol rolled your wheelchair, another accommodation you tried to fight, out to his car. He helped you into the front seat, making sure you were comfortable before strapping you in with the seatbelt, closing the door, and jogging to the driver’s side. 

Seungcheol clapped his hands together and rubbed them furiously together for a moment. “It’s freezing! Let’s get you home, baby!” He flashed you a bright smile before starting the engine. 

You giggled at his antics and felt your cheeks heat at the pet name, covering your mouth with your hand. You were feeling pretty good on the drive home, Seungcheol looking over at you every couple of minutes to make sure you were alright and the heater was warm enough. You had lost a bit more weight in the hospital and your limbs were exceptionally cold. You were curled up in the passenger seat watching the trees zoom past the window. Sometime during the drive, Seungcheol reached over across the center console and placed his large hand over your knee, the warmth seeping through the leggings you were wearing. You glanced over at him, softly smiling at eachother, and placed your much smaller hand over his, intertwining your fingers together. 

The drive wasn’t long back to your cabin, maybe twenty minutes, but in those twenty minutes, you grew excited. Excited to spend time with Seungcheol tonight, to lay with each other in your bed, excited for the future for what felt like the first time since your parents passed. You pictured your parents for a moment, a fleeting thought, what would they think of Seungcheol? You wish they could’ve met him. You’re sure your mom would have loved his kind nature and his ability to cook. Your dad would have liked that he had good manners and was always a gentleman. You turned your head to look out the window, smiling sadly to yourself. You were sad they were gone, of course, but you were also happy in this moment and you didn’t want your memories to subtract from that. 

“Almost home, love.” Seungcheol said, squeezing your knee. You didn’t realize you had just about dozed off, head leaning on the window. You pulled your hand away from Seungcheol’s to rub at your eyes briefly. “Uh, YN?” You looked up at Seungcheol in confusion, his tone almost panicked. “Whose car is that?”

Your eyes immediately found the car in question, a sleek, black sports car, parked behind your crappy silver sedan in the cabin’s driveway. It only took you a moment to realize by the custom license plate ‘1230’ that it was your brother’s. 

You swallowed the lump in your throat as Seungcheol turned into his own driveway. He could tell by your reaction, you didn’t want to see the owner of that car. 

“My brother.”

-

It took you a good thirty minutes of pacing Seungcheol’s kitchen and countless encouragements from the man himself to build up the courage to go over to your cabin. You had so many questions; why was Joshua here? How long had he been there? How did he get in? You know you had the locks changed in the last three years since the incident. What confused you the most though, is the fact that his calls completely stopped after Christmas day. You had assumed that he had given up trying to contact you and went on with his life, but apparently he had different plans. Had he been here the entire time? Why had the calls stopped? You had more questions than answers as you paced around.

“Are you ready baby?” Seungcheol asked you from the kitchen, standing up from pouring food into Bear’s bowl.

“I really don’t know, Seungcheol,” you twisted your wrist in your other hand, a nervous habit, “What if he’s here to yell at me again?” You stomach was doing flips thinking of all the things Joshua might have to say to you. Of all the things you had to say to him.

“YN, I really don’t think he blew your phone up for a day and then drove all the way out here to yell at you,” Seungcheol started softly, rubbing his hands up and down your arms, “and besides, if he is here to yell at you, I’ll be right by your side the entire time. You know I wouldn’t let anything bad happen to you, right?” His voice and his deep brown eyes were so sincere that your brain couldn’t help but cave.

You nodded, letting out a deep sigh. Seungcheol smiled at you and pinched your chin between his thumb and his forefinger, brought your face up to meet his gently, and placed a kiss on your forehead. Your eyes fell shut and you felt all the tension in your body flow out of you at once. This man really did have an immense effect on you, and you were thankful for that in this moment. “It’s now or never, I guess.”

You and Seungcheol walked hand in hand over to your cabin, standing at your front door, you hesitated before unlocking it. Seungcheol squeezed your hand as a silent gesture to let you know he was with you. You took a few cautious steps into the house, silently looking around the open living room. No sign of Shua yet.

As you stepped around the corner, you could hear faint rustling coming from one of the rooms. “Shua?” You called gently, probably not quite loud enough for anyone to hear. “Joshua?” You called a little louder. The rustling stopped. Now you heard quick footsteps, loud clumsy footsteps that you could never mistake having lived with them for a majority of your life, heading in your direction. You stood half in front of Seungcheol, your hand still intertwined with his behind your back waiting for your brother to appear. 

Joshua stumbled out of his old bedroom, looking not at all what you expected him to look like. He was wearing an old pair of black sweatpants and a faded t-shirt that you think once had your father’s college alumni printed on it. His light ash brown hair, that’s new, was disheveled and sticking out in every direction, looking like he had run his hand through it at least a thousand times. But what shocked you the most, was the pure panic in his eyes. As soon as his eyes met yours, the panic seemed to dissipate, though it didn’t completely disappear. He rushed over to you, placing both his large hands on the tops of your shoulders, startling you and causing you to bump into Seungcheol behind you.

“YN - Oh my god, YN,” Joshua started to sob, head dropping down onto your shoulder. You felt Seungcheol let go of your hand and placed both of his hands on your waist, holding you steady against his chest. “Thank God you’re ok! Where the hell have you been!?” Joshua was full on crying into your shoulder now, tears staining Seungcheol’s sweatshirt he had let you wear home from the hospital. You were still pretty weak on your legs from the bedrest, so you started to wobble a bit from the pressure Joshua was putting on you.

You started to bring your hand up to lightly push back from Joshua to maintain your balance, bracing yourself against Seungcheol. Joshua looked at you with confusion in his eyes, before he glanced up seemingly noticing the blonde man behind you for the first time.

“Who the hell are you?” Joshua demanded, though he didn’t sound very threatening with tears flowing down his face. 

“I-” Seungcheol started, but you cut him off, feeling suddenly defensive of the man behind you. You knew your brother’s anger, you were intimately familiar with it and Seungcheol deserved none of it. 

“My boyfriend,” you started, causing Seungcheol’s eyes to widen slightly. It’s not that he didn’t like the new title, he was just shocked, hearing it come from you. “Why are you here, Shua?”

“Boy- boyfriend? YN what is going on? Is that where you’ve been? Sleeping around with him?” You furrowed your brow, mouth dropping open. Was he drunk again? 

“Are you fucking drunk again, Joshua?!” You started to raise your voice, attempting to pull away from Seungcheol, but he wasn’t letting you move any further, worried for both you and your brother at this point. He’s never heard you raise your voice, and if he’s being honest, it’s rather intimidating.

“Yeah YN, I am! I drove 3 hours down to this God forsaken cabin last night to find my baby sister missing, nowhere to be found with the front door wide open and an empty bottle of pills in the bathroom. How the fuck do you think I was supposed to deal with this?!” He was near screaming at this point. Well, the door explains how Joshua got into the house. 

You raised your finger up and pointed it right at Joshua’s chest, “Oh, I don’t know Shua, maybe you could have actually gone out and looked for me instead of sitting on your ass and drinking yourself to death!” Seungcheol had a tight grip on your upper arms at this point, making sure you didn’t get physical. He was pretty sure your brother wouldn’t hurt you, he hoped, but he couldn’t say the same for you. 

Joshua scoffed at you, taking a small step forward so your finger pushed into his firm chest. “I thought you were dead YN! I was fucking terrified I was going to find you out in that God damned lake, frozen to death. I- I-” he stuttered out, fresh tears building up at his lashes and anger dissipating in a mere instant, “I was scared. I didn’t want to find you out there again.”

Though Joshua’s anger seemed to be gone, yours was only building. “Scared? You were scared!? Why!? Because if you found me out there, you knew it would have been your fault?” You spit the last words at your brother, jabbing your finger harder into his chest, you knew it was low, but he literally said it himself in his voicemail, what did you owe him in this moment?

You watched as Joshua let the tears fall down his cheeks, biting at his trembling lower lip. “I’m so - so sorry, YN,” he whimpered, actually whimpered. You don’t think you’ve ever heard your older brother whimper. “You have to under- understand that I didn’t mean what I said the other night. I listened to the voicemail a few hours after I left it and I- I was so worried when you weren’t answering your phone. I wanted to apologize, take it back, but I was scared it was too late. I even called the police the day after to ask if they- th-” he didn’t need to finish that sentence, you knew what he meant. If they found your body. You heard Seungcheol inhale a sharp breath behind you, obviously affected by what Joshua was trying to say. You nearly forgot he has been a witness to this whole scene, he’s been so patient and quiet. “They said they didn’t find… anyone. I tried to let it go, tried to let you ignore me, but I couldn’t. I had to come down here and see for myself.”

“Well, here I am. You can leave. Now,” you spat, turning around and walking towards your kitchen. “C’mon Seungcheol,” you mumbled, taking Seungcheol’s hand in yours. 

“YN - wait,” it wasn’t your brother’s voice that heard say those words, but Seungcheol’s. You stopped and turned around, staring at him like he grew two heads. He took a step closer to you, placing his hands atop your shoulders, “You need closure, YN,” he whispered softly down at you. Your eyes softened at his ability to stay so calm and level headed throughout this entire ordeal. You blinked up at him a few times before nodding your head. 

Seungcheol didn’t want to put you in a position you were uncomfortable with and he knew you didn’t want to look at your brother right now. Hell, he wanted to beat the shit out of Joshua himself, his anger only growing throughout your conversation with him, but he knew you needed this. He knew this would be the first step in your healing. 

You took a few steps past Seungcheol, stopping a few feet in front of your brother. Joshua, who had previously been staring a hole through the carpet, met your eyes with his glistening ones. Yes, he said horrible things to you. Yes, he has treated you as if you don’t exist for the past three years. But, he’s still your brother, right? He’s quite literally the only family you have left in this world. With both your parents gone, grandparents long dead, and no other siblings, Shua was really all you had. Even though he may not deserve your forgiveness, don’t you owe it to yourself to try and patch up your relationship? Even the thoughts sounded weak in your brain, after all he’s made you feel, but he really was all you had left. If you were going to move on from this, Seungcheol was right, you needed closure one way or another.

“Shua…” you trailed off, looking up at the ceiling attempting to stop the rush of tears stinging the backs of your eyes. You weren’t sure if you should tell him what happened over the last few days, since you last heard his voice. He was the reason you were in the hospital in the first place, but did you really want to make him feel the guilt for putting you there? You weren’t so sure. Your caring nature yelling at you internally to lie, to sugar coat things to spare your brother the pain. Before you could fight your internal battle, it was Joshua who spoke first. 

“Can we talk about this, a little more privately maybe?” He questioned, his sour tone catching Seungcheol’s attention. Seungcheol has tried to stay quiet through all of this, hoping to let you hash it out on your own. It wasn’t his place, after all. He didn’t know your brother, and he believed you could handle yourself. But he wasn’t about to leave you alone with Joshua, and he needed to make sure the other man knew that.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Seungcheol started, brow furrowed menacingly, folding his arms across his chest, “She is in my care, after all.” He really didn’t want to play that card, unsure of how you would feel about it, but he really, really, needed Joshua to know that he wasn’t going to budge. 

“What the hell do you mean she’s in ‘your care’?” Joshua narrowed his eyes, shooting a questioning glare your way.

You let out a heavy sigh, briefly turning your body to give Seungcheol an apologetic look. “I’ve been in the hospital, Shua. They only released me on the condition he stays with me, or vice versa.” Fuck it, maybe he deserved to feel guilty. 

“Wh-what do you mean you were in the hospital?” His previous distraught look coming back, “Why didn’t you call me? I’m your family I should be the one-”

You cut him off before he could finish that statement, “Taking care of me? Joshua, you left me at a hospital three years ago and haven’t so much as said ‘hello’ to me since then. What makes you think you have any right to even assume I would want you to care for me?” Joshua at least had the decency to look ashamed of himself for the first time tonight, gaze shifting down to the floor again.

“YN, I- I called that night, on Christmas Eve, to apologize,” he looked behind you at a glaring Seungcheol before looking back at your equally enraged face, “I know, I know! I definitely didn’t do that in the voicemail that I left, ok I know,” he put his hand up as if to pacify you, “I had been drinking and I was thinking about you - in fact I - I think about you all the time. I’ve just been a terrified asshole who was too afraid you’d reject my apology after so long. I had the courage that night and tried calling you a few times. When you didn’t answer I figured you hated me, and it set me off with how drunk I was. I- I’m s-so sorry YN, I never, ever meant to hurt you like this. I was so scared of losing you, I tried to distance myself from you, so if I did l-lose you, it wouldn’t hurt as bad as when we lost mom and dad.” Joshua was full on sobbing at this point.

Your eyes softened minutely at his words, the fire in your eyes fleeting, but still there. “You’re fucking right you’ve been an asshole Shua,” you scoffed, “did you ever think about what I needed? How I felt? You distancing yourself from me was like having my entire family ripped away from me. You were all I had left. You are all I have left.” Your last words were whispered, but your brother heard them loud and clear. 

Joshua's long legs only needed two steps in your direction before you were chest to chest with him, his strong arms wrapping around your shoulders. To say you were shocked was an understatement. Regardless of how much you wanted to hate your brother right now, you couldn’t deny that it felt nice to be in his familiar arms again. He hasn’t hugged you in years, not since your parents death, and you’re feeling lightheaded from all the physical contact you’ve had in the last week. It took you a moment to respond to his hug, slowly wrapping your weak arms around his middle. He could feel the way your too small frame was beginning to shake, presuming you were weak from being in the hospital, though he could feel how thin you were. It took him a second to realize you were sobbing in his arms, too.

Joshua nuzzled his face into the side of your head, having to bend a little to account for the height difference, and croaked, “I’m sorry YN. I’m so, so sorry. I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but please, please let me be here for you. Let me be your shoulder to cry on, be the one you confide in again.” He sniffled, rubbing his cheek against the top of your head. “I’ll stay by your side, I won't leave you, I promise.”

“I’ve missed you so much,” you blubbered out, soaking Joshua’s shirt with your tears. He ran a hand soothingly up and down your back as he let his own silent tears fall. 

“I’ve missed you too, baby sister.”

Seungcheol had been a silent observer, staying back, allowing you both to have the space you needed to sort this out. At this point, he wore a small smile, arms still crossed over one another. He decided it was time for him to leave you both alone for a moment to catch up and talk things through a little further. He quietly slipped out of the living room with a plan to make some hot tea for you, briefly meeting Joshua’s eyes which were silently thanking the older man. Seungcheol gave a quick nod and turned to walk away. 

-

You and your brother spent the next few hours talking about everything on your living room couches. He stayed close, but not too close, to give you your own space, which you appreciated. Seungcheol came back after a little while, hot tea in mugs in tow. He sat by your side, offering you silent support with a hand on your knee or shoulder. You were thankful for his presence. Even though you and Joshua had talked some things out, you still felt a little awkward with him here. It had been over three years since you’d seen him, to be fair.

You told Joshua about your job and how you haven’t left it yet, despite hating your boss for so long. You talked about your life in Busan and how you moved into a new apartment a couple years back. He told you about his firm in Seoul and how he’s been working on a new book. He was hopeful that one of his previous books was up for some kind of award. You expressed how proud you were of him, finally having the chance to tell him. He told you about how he and Yuna broke up last year, a mutual thing, to which you expressed your not quite sympathy. Most importantly, you talked about your brief stay at the rehab facility three years ago and your most recent stay in the hospital here. You both cried when you talked about your second attempt at your life. You hugged each other and Joshua apologized profusely to you, which you graciously accepted.

After you had spilled all your collective tears and put everything out on the table, Joshua turned his attention to the other man in the room, who up until this point, had been relatively quiet, only chiming in when asked a question. “Seungcheol?”

Seungcheol was taken by surprise at the sound of his name coming from Joshua’s mouth. Eyebrows raised, he looked at the ashy haired man sitting across from him, “Hmm?” 

“I wanted to thank you,” Joshua said apologetically, “I don’t know you, but you saved my sister. She also seems to trust you,” he gave you a quick smile, “so I guess I should, too. But really, man, thank you. I don’t know what I would do if I lost her, too.” His gaze fell to his hands that were clasped in his lap.

Seungcheol sat up a little straighter on the couch before answering, “You don’t have to thank me. I share the sentiment, I don’t know what I would do without her.” He smiled down at you, wrapping his arm around your shoulders, making you give him a small smile in return. “I really love her,” he said lovingly. He was talking to Joshua, but he was staring into your eyes, getting lost in them for a moment. Joshua noticed this, and couldn’t hide the smile that was spreading across his own face. That’s when he knew you were in good hands. He trusted Seungcheol.

The next hour passed by quickly, sharing more stories amongst the three of you. Eventually Joshua told you he had to get going, needing to be back in Seoul for a meeting tomorrow morning. He offered to cancel and stay the night, but you and Seungcheol both told him he should go, and not to worry about you. If Seungcheol wasn’t here, Joshua would have definitely canceled, but he felt good about leaving you with him after the talks you’d had these past few hours. 

You wrapped your arms around your brother's neck, reaching up on your tiptoes. Joshuas arms wrapped around your middle, lifting you up slightly as he whispered in your ear, “I love you baby sister, please don’t forget that. I never stopped loving you.”

“I love you too Shua, don’t be a stranger.” You smiled up at your older brother. 

“I won't, trust me,” he let out a short laugh, devoid of any humor before setting you back down on your feet. He turned to look at Seungcheol, before reaching out to shake his hand. Seungcheol walked the short distance to grab his hand, only to be pulled into Joshua’s frame for a hug. “Thank you again, Seungcheol. I wish I could stay longer to get to know you a little better, but it was really nice to meet you.”

“I’m sure there will be more opportunities for us to meet,” Seungcheol said, with an almost demanding tone. Joshua took the warning for what it was, leaving you a little oblivious next to them. “Drive safe.”

Joshua pulled away, giving you one final smile, before turning around to take his leave. You stood in the doorway, watching your brother start his car and pull out of the driveway. You knew you had plenty more unresolved issues and a lot more to discuss, but for now, your chest felt lighter at the aspect of having your brother back in your life. You were a little sad that he had to leave so quickly, when you felt like you just got him back, but were hopeful you would see him soon. 

Seungcheol could feel your mood shift slightly, moving to wrap his arms around you from behind in a comforting back hug. You closed and locked the front door before turning around in his grasp. “I’m sorry,” you murmured into his chest. You didn’t see it, but Seungcheol looked down at you in confusion.

“Why are you sorry, love?” He inquired, rubbing a hand up and down your spine.

“I’m sorry you had to sit here all night and listen to me cry,” you began, “I’m also sorry you had to meet my brother under these circumstances.”

“Don’t be sorry, YN. I’m so happy you were able to see Joshua again and talk about things. I know it can be hard to talk about these things, and I know it must be hard to let him back into your life so suddenly, but I know it will be helpful to you in the long run. I only want you to be happy, love.”

You look up at Seungcheol in complete awe. How was this man in love with you? A broken shell of a person, with her weights worth of baggage. What did you do to deserve him? The literal epitome of perfection. A walking green flag. 

“Don’t thank me,” Seungcheol lightly scolded, a smile on his face. “I can practically hear your thoughts right now.”

You scoffed, mock offended, putting your hands on his chest to playfully pull away. He wasn’t having it though, and pulled you back into him, rocking you both back and forth gently. “Oh no you don’t, you’re mine tonight,” you know he meant it in a playful way, but it did things to you that you didn’t want to admit to yourself right now, “I told you I wanted to lay with you properly and I’ve been waiting way too long to finally do that.”

“Let’s go to bed then,” you began, taking Seungcheol’s hand in your, walking down the hallway towards your bedroom. 

“Sounds like a great plan,” Seungcheol smiled, following after you obediently. 

-

After you and Seungcheol both got changed (Seungcheol having to run home to grab some things, and also grab a very unamused cat), you kneeled in the corner of your room playing with Bear, who lay in his cat bed that Seungcheol also brought over. 

Seungcheol was laying back on your pink sheets, arms crossed behind his head, watching you in amusement. “He really likes you, you know.”

You looked over your shoulder with a toothy smile on your face. Seungcheol very nearly melted into your mattress at the sight. “You think so?” Seungcheol nodded as you turned back around to face the fur ball in front of you. “Well, I really like him too,” you cooed at the cat in question as he arched his back into your pets. After you had your fill of cuddles, you slowly stood up from your crouching position, causing Bear to mewl.

Seungcheol let out a loud laugh from his spot on your bed. “Yeah, I would say he definitely likes you.”

You laughed along with Seungcheol while turning the lamp on your side table off. Seungcheol scooted over on the bed to make room for you, pulling the pink and white comforter back. You gladly took your spot on the bed, rolling on your side to face Seungcheol. To say you were nervous was a big understatement. “I’m gonna miss him when I go back to Busan,” you whispered sadly, only slightly teasing. 

“I’m glad my cat made such a big impact on you,” Seungcheol said dryly, deadpanning in your direction.

You giggled quietly and shushed him. “Of course I’m gonna miss you too, Seungcheol. I thought that was a given.”

“I mean, it’s still nice to hear,” he gently smiled down at you before draping one arm over your side, placing his warm hand on your lower back. He nudged your back a little, signaling you to move closer, to which you obliged. “You know, you don’t have to go back,” Seungcheol whispered, hopefully. 

“Cheollie, I have to,” Seungcheol smiled his brightest smile at the nickname making you stifle a laugh, “my job is there, I have an apartment there. I can’t just leave.”

“Is this cabin paid off?” Seungcheol asked abruptly, before you could continue making excuses.

“Yes…” you trailed off hesitantly. 

“Then you could break your lease in Busan, and move to the cabin. I know you love your job, but there is an animal shelter here. It’s where I got Bear from,” the cat meowed softly in the corner, making you smile again, “I could put in a good word for you.”

Seungcheol was so thoughtful. I definitely don’t deserve this man, you thought to yourself. Seungcheol chuckled and raised his hand to brush a strand of hair over your shoulder. “Did I just say that outloud?” You asked, mortified for Seungcheol’s answer.

He just nodded, still giggling. “YN, you deserve the world, and I will work every day to make sure you believe that.” 

Your cheeks were hot, but your heart was full at his words. This beautiful man in front of you wanted to give you the world, wanted to make sure you never wanted for more in your life. Who were you to turn down such an offer? What did you have to lose anyways? A shitty paycheck and an even shitter apartment. That’s what.

“Okay.” You state simply.

“Okay?” Seungcheol perked up, lifting his head a bit to stare at you. It was dark, but there was enough moonlight shining through your window that you could see the way his eyes lit up at your words. You smiled a bright smile at him, nodding your head aggressively. “Do you mean that?” Now he was sporting a smile to match your own.

“Yes, Seungcheol. I’ll do it. I want to do it. I’m ready.” You smiled, because you were. You don’t think you’ve ever spoken truer words. You were ready. Ready to put Busan behind you, ready to start a new life with Seungcheol, with Bear, and finally make a home out of this cabin that your parents left you. 

“I love you, YN,” Seungcheol said seriously, searching your eyes for any bit of hesitance, to which he found none, “I mean it, love.” He looked down to your pink lips, and back up at your eyes. 

Your breath caught in your throat, the feeling of butterflies suffocating your lungs was a good one for once. You nibbled on your bottom lip and exhaled shakily. Seungcheol grunted, a sound you realized you found incredibly sexy and wanted to commit to memory for a rainy day. He was staring at you intensely, silently asking for permission, which you granted with a quick nod of your head.

Seungcheol’s lips crashed onto yours with an intensity you’ve never felt before. The flutter in your chest only increased as his soft, plump lips moved against yours. All you could feel, taste, smell, was Seungcheol. You inhaled his citrus-y scent, letting it surround you and he brought his free hand up to your burning cheek while his other caressed your side gently. He tasted better than you could have ever imagined, a little minty, and you were immediately hooked. His kiss was like the nicotine you craved from your cigarettes, maybe he was your new addiction. Your lips moved together synchronously for a few minutes before both of your lungs burned for oxygen and you reluctantly pulled away. 

Seungcheol held your face in his hands like fragile China, reveling in this moment here with you, your face illuminated by the moon shining through your window. He saw galaxies in your lust filled eyes, the most beautiful sight he’s ever seen.

Quickly, he dipped his head back down to capture your lips with his again. This time he moved a bit more frantically, hand moving from your cheek to your neck and down your shoulder and arm. He kissed you like it was giving him life, exploring your body with his large hands. 

You kissed Seungcheol back just as fervently, lips parting to allow his soft tongue to explore your mouth. It was hot, more teeth than tongue, both of you far too excited at the prospect of finally getting to kiss one another after days of build up. 

Parting from your lips slightly, Seungcheol pulled back to speak, “Is this ok? I do-don’t want to take things too fast…” he trailed off, pecking your lips sweetly a few times while he waited for your answer. 

You shook your head slightly, kissing him back, “It’s not too fast, Cheol. I want you.”

That was all your boyfriend needed to hear before he was pushing you gently onto your back and rolling over to hover just slightly above you. Gently, ever so gently, he leaned down to kiss you passionately. You wrapped your arms around his neck and allowed his hands to explore under your sleep shirt. A soft moan escaped your lips when his warm hand grazed your breast, and Seungcheol took advantage of it to slip his tongue back into your mouth. 

Seungcheol gently caressed your breast in his hand, fingers flicking over your nipple every few seconds to make it peak. You soft breaths and noises emboldening him to dip down and nibble at your collarbones and throat. 

“Ch-Cheol,” you pant, getting lost in the sensation of his lips and hands all over you, “Please.”

“Please, what, love?” He murmured against your clavicle before pulling back and looking into your eyes again. “What is it, baby?” His voice was rough and it was turning you on even more. 

“Please touch me more, please,” You softly plead with him, arching your back into his touch when his hand trailed down your stomach, “please.”

Seungcheol smiled at you before pulling away a bit to pull your shirt up and over your head. As he tossed the fabric somewhere in your room he took a moment to admire your beautiful body in the moonlight shining through your window. “You’re so pretty, love.” His voice was barely above a whisper, but you heard him loud and clear, making you let out a soft whimper.

Your boyfriend chuckled at your reaction before dipping down to take one of your breasts into his warm mouth. Your hand flies up to his head, grasping the bleached strands as you arch into his touch. “Cheol!”

“Mm, let me hear you baby,” he grunts, pulling off you for a second before attacking your other breast with the same ministrations, his hand dipping lower to pull at your sleep shorts, making his intentions clear. You nod your head quickly, making him pull back again to look up at your blissed out face. “Is this ok?”

“Yes, yes, please, Cheol,” you all but moaned at this point, the thought of waiting any longer for the man above you to start touching you driving you insane. “Please, hurry, Cheollie.”

Seungcheol sat up on his knees, adjusting himself in his pajama pants, making you bite your lip to suppress a moan at just how big his bulge looked. He chuckled darkly at your reaction before grabbing onto your sleep shorts and removing them and your panties in one swift motion.

Once he tossed the shorts off to the side, he couldn’t help but admire your wet pussy on full display for him for the first time. You were completely bare beneath him and he was thanking every God he knew the name of in his head for allowing him this moment. You were absolutely breathtaking and he let you know just that. “You’re so fucking gorgeous, YN. I am so fucking lucky.”

Before you could respond, Seungcheol bent down and started kissing up your thighs until he reached the place you needed him most. Sighing in contentment, he placed a few sweet kisses to your mound before dipping his warm tongue between your folds. You both moan at the contact, you from the feeling of his wet tongue on your clit, and him from your taste. You tasted absolutely divine. He closed his eyes as he explored your folds with his tongue, lapping at your entrance before stiffening his tongue to play with your engorged clit. You were so turned on you couldn’t help the noises falling from your mouth. It was almost embarrassing how vocal you were being.

It’s been quite a while since you were in bed with anyone. In fact it’s been years. You had the wherewithal to let Seungcheol know that before you were completely lost in the pleasure of his mouth on your cunt.

“Cheol-Cheollie-” you panted out, tugging at his blonde locks to get him to look at you. “I- I haven’t been with anyone in… in a long time.” His eye soften a bit as he looks at you, intensely scanning your features for any kind of reluctance for what you two were doing. After finding none he places a few more kisses to your clit, making you moan softly, before hauling himself up and hovering over you. 

“We don’t have to go any farther tonight if you don’t want to. Just say the word. I’ll be happy to eat you out all night, make you cum on my face. Or we can stop here. You tell me what you’re comfortable with, love.” Seungcheol kisses your lips, allowing you to taste yourself on him before pulling away, awaiting your answer.

“I - I want this, I want you. I’m just… nervous I guess?” You laugh lightly, trying to mask your shyness.

Seungcheol doesn’t allow it, smiling down at you and pecking your forehead, then your nose. “I’ll make you feel good, I promise, baby. Don’t be nervous. I’m not expecting anything, just let me make you feel good, please?”

How could you deny this man anything when he was so perfect to you?

You nod your head briefly before leaning up and capturing his lips in a sweet kiss. It only lasts a moment before he’s breaking away and crawling back down your bed. 

“I’ll be gentle, ok?” Seungcheol says before diving back in and lapping at your wet folds. You moan at the feeling again, getting lost in the sensation of him basically making out with your pussy. Before you can lose youreself to the pleasure, Seungcheol brings a finger up to your entrance, tracing it lightly before dipping just the tip inside you, testing the waters. You moan out loudly at the sensation, hips bucking up slightly for more friction. He just chuckles against you before slipping his entire finger in, your warm walls clamping down on the intrusion. It’s been so long since you had something inside you, but the feeling was so intense, mixed with Seungcheol’s hot tongue on your clit, your orgasm washed over you suddenly before you could warn him.

Not that he needed the warning. He felt your body tense, so he kept his tongue right where it was, allowing you to ride out your orgasm. When you finally came down from it, he slipped his finger out, sticking it in his mouth as sucking your juices off it as he came back up to lay next to you.

As he did, Seungcheol trailed his hand back down your body, two fingers slipping inside you while you were still relaxed. You gasp at the sudden intrusion, his other hand coming up to rub soothing circles on your hip, “Shh, baby. Just let me make you feel good.” You moan at his words as he slowly, gently starts pumping his fingers inside of you. The motion feels so good, your previous orgasm making for and easy slide in and out. 

“Cheol!” You whine as his fingers curl and touch that spot inside you, making your toes curl.

“Mm, baby, that’s it. Just feel it, ok? Just relax.” His words were like a soothing balm, but you needed to anchor yourself, reaching out to grab hold of his shoulders. He takes it in stride, leaning slightly over you, his free hand still rubbing circles into your side as he stretches you out. 

“Cheol, Cheol, I’m gonna-” You pant out, not even able to finish your thought before your second orgasm is washing over you. Seungcheol just keeps pumping his fingers in and out of you, his fingertips gently prodding your walls each time. He never falters in his movements, letting you come down from the high before you’re weakly pushing at his arm in sensitivity. “S-sensitive, Cheollie,” you mumble, making Seungcheol laugh quietly.

“I know, baby. You did so well for me.” He gently kisses your lips again, smiling against them. You look up at him when he pulls away with so much love in your eyes he nearly melts. “Feel good, love?” You nod, words escaping you from the pure ecstasy you feel in that moment. “Good.”

With one last kiss, Seungcheol makes a move to get up, but you stop him, tugging on his hand. He looks back at you with a furrowed brow, confusion written all over his face like he didn’t have a raging boner in his pants.

“I want you, Cheol. Please?” You ask him in a tiny voice. He looks at you for a moment, taking in your blissed out face, before starting to shake his head. The crestfallen look on your face has him stopping, though.

“I want you too, YN. I really, really do,” as if to prove a point he takes your hand and moves it to his crotch, letting you feel his hardness. “Trust me, baby. But you just got out of the hospital, are you sure you’re up for it?”

You think about it for a moment. Seungcheol is right, you did just get out of the hospital. You also have had a very emotional few days, weeks even. But you couldn’t deny how safe you felt in this moment with Seungcheol. Wasn’t sex just another way to feel closer to him? To solidify this bond that you two were building? Hell, you just agreed to quit your job and move here to be closer to him. You loved this man, more than you were willing to admit right now.

“Please. You’ll be gentle, right?” You whispered into the stillness of your childhood bedroom.

Seungcheol smiled sweetly at you with so much love in his eyes it made you want to cry. “Of course, YN,” he whispered back. “I’ll always be gentle with you, you mean the world to me.”

With that, Seungcheol leaned back down, shucking his shirt off in the process and pressing his warm chest to yours. No more words were shared as you lazily made out, both your guys’ hands exploring the others’ body. Slowly, you slipped Seungcheol’s pajama pants and boxer briefs off, letting them fall somewhere on the floor, and allowed your hands to explore even lower. 

Your hand found his length, slowly pumping him as he moaned into your mouth. He froze for a moment, forehead dropping to your collarbones as he sucked in a sharp breath, “I’m gonna cum quick if you do that.” You smiled, but slowed your ministrations, not wanting this to be over yet. He let out a shaky breath before looking down at you again, “Condoms?”

Your mind blanks for a second before shaking your head nervously. “I’m actually on birth control… and I haven’t been with anyone in over five years.” You said the last part quietly, almost embarrassed at your lack of experience. 

Seungcheol just smiled at you before kissing you slowly. When he pulled back he swallowed thickly before whispering, “I haven’t been with anyone in over three… please don’t worry, YN.”

Hearing him say that did actually soothe your worries a bit. It’s been a while since either of you had any practice in the bedroom, so maybe this didn’t have to be so scary. “Then…” you started, trailing off while looking into your boyfriend’s deep brown eyes, “we don’t need a condom.” Your whispered words made Seungcheol’s knees weak as he captured your lips with his again.

“Fuck, I don’t know how long I’m gonna last inside you,” he admitted bashfully, “where should I…?”

“Inside me. Please, Cheol, I want it. Want to feel close to you.”

Seungcheol closed his eyes as he sucked in another breath. “Fuck,” he said shakily, “I need to be inside you like right now.”

You chuckle and nod your head quickly, “Please.”

Seungcheol complies and grabs his length, stroking himself a few times before gathering your wetness on his tip. You both groan at the contact, your hips bucking up slightly, chasing the feeling. Without anymore words, Seungcheol pushes his tip against your entrance, slowly, so slowly, pushing in until he’s fully seated inside you, cock throbbing at the feeling of your tight walls.

“You’re so tight, baby. Does it hurt?” The genuine concern in his voice makes your heart flutter. You moan at the feeling of him adjusting himself on the bed. 

“N-no, not really. Just.. a lot. You-you’re big.” You moan again as he chuckles softly, the motion pushing his cock against your walls. 

“I’m not gonna move yet. Just get used to the feeling, ok baby?” You nod, eyes closing as you do just that. You focus on the feeling of his cock filling you up, your walls squeezing him slightly, making him groan each time. As you start to get used to the feeling of being full again, he slowly brings his fingers down to toy with your clit, your wetness making the slip feel heavenly.

Seungcheol is slowly, every so slowly, moving his fingertip over your puffy clit, distracting you from the pain of his cock splitting you open. It feels so good, and almost completely makes you forget about the pain. 

“Do you think you can come on my cock?” He asks quietly, fingers still moving slowly over you, “It might make it easier. I know it’ll feel good, love.” His face is right next to your ear and his low, raspy voice is bringing you close to the edge.

“Yes, yes, Cheol, please” you’re begging at this point, loving the feeling of his cock and his fingers bringing you to climax for the third time tonight.

“Let go, sweet girl, cum on my cock.” He whispers directly into your ear and that’s all you need to completely let go. Seungcheol keeps rubbing his fingers lightly over your clit as your body arches and convulses, clamping down on his dick, whispering soothing words into your ear until you finally come down from your high. Seungcheol pulls his fingers away to moment your orgasm slows, kissing you sweetly. “There you go, baby.” He’s starting to sound affected, like he is having a hard time holding back, so you circle your hips a bit to give him some much needed friction, making you both moan in pleasure. “Mm, baby, don’t do that.. I don’t know how much longer I can stay still.”

“Please move Cheollie,” you whisper, rolling your hips again, “fuck me.”

Seungcheol lets out a breath he didn’t even realize he was holding before slowing pulling back until just his tip is inside you, before rolling his hips back down and sinking his length into you again. There are tears of pleasure rolling down your cheeks as he continues to fuck you in a steady rythym, hitting spots deep inside you that you didn’t even know existed. 

“Fuck, fuck baby, I’m gonna cum soon,” Seungcheol moans into your ear, lips sucking and kissing you neck and shoulder as he fucks you. “Gonna let me fill you up, baby?”

“Yes, yes, Cheol!” You can’t help the sounds that are coming out of your mouth at this point, lost in the pleasure Seungcheol is bringing you.

Seungcheol’s hips stutter for a moment, stilling against you as he cums harder than he thinks he ever has in his life. He’s essentially been edging himself since you two started this almost an hour ago, and finally getting to cum in your tight pussy has him releasing everything he’s go into you. He thrusts his hips once, twice, three more times before stilling and letting the last of his seed spurt inside you.

You’re both panting and sweating at this point, but neither of you care, sharing wet kisses as you both come down from the intense highs. Once you’re both settled a bit, Seungcheol slowly pulls back, softening cock slipping from your entrance. He watches his cum drip out of you for a moment before bringing two fingers up to push it back inside you, accidentally brushing your sensitive clit in the process and making you jolt. 

“Shh, sorry, sorry baby. It’s just so fucking hot seeing you like this,” He mumbles, fingering you gently, watching your face for any sign of discomfort. When he finds none, and instead sees you close your eyes in pleasure again, he keeps going, slowly, gently, pumping two fingers inside you, searching for that spot again. You’re moaning lowly, getting lost in the feeling of his hot cum inside you, “You like that, baby?” He practically growls, watching his creamy cum be forced out of you as he massages his fingertips on your g-spot. 

You can’t form a coherent sentences, just moaning and writhing on the bed. Seungcheol continues to abuse your walls until you cum for the fourth time tonight, mouth open in a silent scream as he watches you lose yourself to the pleasure. As you slowly come down, he pulls his finger from you finally, grabbing his discarded pants to wipe his hand on.

“You ok, love?” He asked quietly as you slowly come back to yourself. 

“Yes, yeah. I’m good.” You pant out, making Seungcheol smile to himself.

“Let me grab something to clean you up, ok?” You nod as he leaves the bedroom, only to come back a few moments later with a warm wash cloth. He slowly and gently cleans you up, making sure to avoid your swollen clit this time. When he’s done he places a gentle kiss to your folds, making you giggle. 

“YN,” he says quietly when he finally climbs back up the bed, pulling you into his strong arms.

You look up at him, humming in confirmation for him to continue. Your sleepy eyes starting to close as you stare at him.

“Thank you, YN,” Seungcheol whispered breathlessly, mere centimeters from your lips.

“For what?” You asked, just as breathless.

“For giving me one more day.”

a/n: if you made it to the end, thank you thank you thank you for reading my fic, it means so much to me. pls reblog, comment, and like if you enjoyed reading and let me know what you would like to see next. i enjoy writing, but seeing how much YOU enjoy it is an even better feeling!

copyright aliendes 2024

[helluvagyal]

Synopsis: just some general headcanons about my favorite demon. Part 1/3, relationship headcanons coming next.

Content: general headcanons, mentions of cannibalism.

A/N: My first piece of writing for the fandom and I had to start with my murder baby. Enjoy, let me know what you think please. Don't forget to reblog! Banner and dividers by me.

— shoutout to @hellvcifer for getting me into it. Please read and reblog their work it's amazing!

Alastor is like that weird elusive sinner that you rarely see and when he does show up, it’s during drama or when he needs something.

Count on him to show out and throw hands (hooves?) for his people though.

Alastor always has a story to tell and the hotel residents’ favorites are definitely about his life before he ended up in hell.

He’s usually very tight lipped about those but if you catch him while he's making dinner, he'll turn into a chatterbox—especially if he's already got sherry or rye in him.

When he's cooking alone, that's his favorite time for contemplation and/or Hell domination.

His ever present smile has gone soft at the corners, his voice has lost its warped and static edge as he hums along to his radio, moving around the kitchen as if floating.

On the nights when it's his turn to cook, he definitely helps Niffty with the clean up after.

He doesn't have much of a sweet tooth but when those cravings kick in, it's with a vengeance.

Gingerbread cookies are his go to snack to pair with blood infused lemon tea as well as blood orange tea.

Demon ladyfingers sprinkled with powdered sugar and paired with blood infused black tea is an afternoon time favorite.

There was one week where he ate nothing but beignets, bananas foster and sweet potato pie for breakfast.

Alastor has a thirst for knowledge, prides himself on finding out everything he can, even if it's only to satisfy a mere curiosity.

He's a fashion snob. He never did care much for it when he was topside, only making sure he looked his best.

But since being in Hell, he's found himself with quite the eye and knack for Hellish threads. I mean, come on. I know ya'll saw his red bottoms!

He goes shopping with Angel occasionally, resolutely ignoring (or snickering at) how the shopkeeper cowers in fear when he asks if a powder blue fleece scarf he saw came in blood red.

With being a fashion snob, it paved the way for his stitcher's thumb.

Now, he's no expert like Rosie but she taught him a thing or two when he'd have the patience for it.

He's patched up knife holes in Niffty's dresses, sewn up tears in Angel’s sweaters and even hemmed one of Vaggie's skirts.

He'll dedicate two nights a week–if he's not busy with hotel duties–to sitting in front of his bayou and stitching or sewing.

He can play instruments; learned the sax and trumpet topside and mastered the piano down below.

Alastor actually likes the peace that comes with doing menial tasks. Instead of snapping his fingers to have the dishes washed and put away or to have his books dusted, he will do it if he has the extra time.

Getting dressed for the day is something he always does on his own, from ironing his pristine suits to shining his dress shoes.

Alastor does in fact sleep, however, he's trained himself to go long periods without needing to. He sleeps best after a feeding.

When using his abilities on particular prey, it acts as a health bar of sorts. So the stronger the prey, along with the extent of damage, determines his healing time and energy output.

Alastor is one of the many sinners who have had issues in the past coming to terms with their newly acquired anatomy.

The antlers have grown on him and so have the ears as it helps when he's flicking through frequencies.

Alastor absolutely abhors his tail, tried cutting it off but it just grew right back, bushier too.

He could never control the wretched thing, hates that it would give away his moods with a twitch or a tuck.

When he first discovered that it rapidly swishes from side to side when he's upset, he immediately went out to hunt, feeling like he had to go out and prove something.

He's started going to bed last, or at least retiring to his room when all the residents are asleep. Secretly likes to ensure the others are safe and sound.

Alastor is a huge fan of games, board, tile and card games to be specific. Yes, he's competitive but he enjoys the relaxing and occasionally heated atmosphere it provides.

For board games, he loves Scrabble (topside), Game of the World (topside), Clue (down below), and Pictionary (down below). If you value your life, please do not poke fun at his drawings in Pictionary, he gets testy.

For tile games, he loves Dominoes. His mother was the one who taught him how to play–as with most of the other games–one night when the power was out and he couldn’t listen to his radio programs or get some work done.

For card games, he likes Oh Hell, The Donkey card game and Make-A-Million.

If you couldn't tell, he prefers games where he can show off his smarts and be stimulated.

He despises Chess, Beggar-my-neighbor and Bingo.

Bonding/group sessions have grown on him, he won't admit it though. He's come to look forward to them, especially the night-time rituals, but please do not ask him to join movie night, he already put up with camping in the garden.

He's stellar at giving advice but is absolute shit at taking them sometimes, especially if he doesn't agree with it but knows it's rational

He will never tell you what you want to hear unless it's beneficial to him. Count on him to tell you what you need to hear, especially if you personally sought him out to get something off your mind.

If you aren't Rosie (and occasionally the residents), he would prefer not to prolong conversations unless he knows he's going to gain valuable information, be entertained or stimulated.

It's no secret that he has a soft spot for Niffty, his shadow does too; you can find them playing together sometimes with Alastor occasionally keeping a watchful eye.

He takes his title of 'King Roach' very seriously.

If you want some quiet time in the hotel, just seek out Alastor. If your social battery is running low but you don't necessarily want to be alone, either him or Husk would be your best bet.

If you've been invited to his room or his study to have a nightcap and a gab session, you're one of his most tolerable companions.

For the love of all that is bad and sinful, PLEASE do not ask about going up to his radio tower, especially during a broadcast; it's best if you just let him invite you.

However, he does allow Niffty up there to assist his shadow with cleaning the space.

If Alastor had a middle name, it would be Petty. It's also no secret that he's into mischief making. He and Angel got a kick out of the Prank Wars as a bonding exercise. They make a scary good team

He can dish out but he cannot take it. Don't even bother trying to get even with him because then everyone will have to hear about “the terrible slight on my honor”.

He's very chivalrous, even if his ways of showing it can be a bit twisted.

© helluvagyal ‧ all rights reserved. do not plagiarize, translate, share, or copy my work.

[solarsa1nt]

𐚁֙࿐ GINGERBREAD

ryōmen sukuna & itadori yuuji x fem!reader

Tags — fluff , cuddling , soft sukuna , established yuuji/reader

Notes — christmas special! …ignore the fact this isn’t being uploaded anytime near christmas. when i first posted it on ao3 and wattpad it was

"Yuuji! Yuuji! I made cookies!" Y/N announces, rushing into the dorms common room with a plate of human-shaped gingerbread cookies in one hand and two mugs of hot chocolate in the other.

Without hearing her boyfriend's response, she sets the two mugs on the wooden table infront of them, placing the plate between the mugs.

Y/N grins proudly before pausing, turning on her heel and running back towards the kitchen hurriedly.

Yuuji didn't even get the chance to question what she was doing when she re-emerged from the doorway with a bag of miniature marshmallows, opening the top of the plastic bag as she drops a few in each of their mugs.

"Aaand... there!" Y/N sits back on the couch with a satisfied smile. "Ta-da~"

"Have you decided on a movie?" Yuuji wonders, noting the generic Christmas theme of the snacks.

When they first started dating, Yuuji quickly learned that Y/N liked to make the snacks themed base off of whatever movie they watched— like when she made mini cupcakes that held a similar appearance to the Susuwatari when they watched My Neighbor Totoro.

Although she always put the most effort into the snacks during Christmas.

"Mhm! Tokyo Godfathers— I've been meaning to watch it since forever but I always get distracted by new movies coming out!" Y/N complains dramatically, picking up a gingerbread cookie and biting its arm off. "But since there aren't any new ones I can finally watch it!"

"What are those... things?" A familiar voice questions, disgust lacing his tone.

"Huh? Oh, Sukuna." Y/N stares down at the mouth that had formed on her boyfriend's cheek, the red eye above it peering open to give an unimpressed look at the snack.

Yuuji blinks in surprise at Sukuna's sudden appearance, about to hit the mouth to force the curse go back to his innate domain when his plans were interrupted by his girlfriend replying.

"They're gingerbread cookies! You want one?" Y/N asks, tilting her head to the side as if asking the king of curses if he wants a gingerbread cookie is the most normal thing in the world.

"Why do they look like humans?" Sukuna questions instead, ignoring her inquiry.

"Symbolic cannibalism." Y/N answers flatly, unamused by the curse ignoring her question. Her deadpanned look lasts for a beat of silence before she perks up again, "Now try!"

Y/N shoves the cookie forward, waving it infront of the mouth as if she were trying to tempt a dog with a treat.

Sukuna scowls at that, biting the head of the cookie straight off with a sharp glare at her that promised death. Y/N only laughs at the murderous look, retracting her hand back towards herself before the curse could try to bite her hand off next.

"Well? Are my baking skills to my king's liking?" Y/N teases, expecting an immediate insult back only for silence to answer her.

Huh? Y/N watches in confusion as the red eye widens slightly before instantly closing, the mouth disappearing back into Yuuji's skin.

"What was that about?" Y/N asks, glancing back up to meet Yuuji's eyes, which seemed equally as lost.

"I don't know, he's weirdly silent." Yuuji frowns to himself, "He's not even trying to get control at all."

"Huuuh..." Y/N's lips pull down thoughtfully, a contemplative look on her face before she shrugs uncaringly.

"Well; whatever!" Y/N claps her hands together, as if to draw the focus back to whatever she was going to say. "Sukuna can sulk all he wants, 'cause I want to spend time with my boyfriend!"

━━━━

Y/N leans her head further against the crook of Yuuji's neck, her boyfriend being fast asleep as his head leans atop hers.

Yuuji's arm was circled around her back as his palm lays flat against the curve of her waist, the warmth of his hand heating up her bare skin. Her shirt had ridden up slightly to reveal the bottom half of her torso, although she payed no mind as the dorm wasn't too cold and her boyfriend provided ample body heat.

Y/N watches as the couple on screen share a chaste kiss, the first movie having ended a couple hour ago as she changed it to some k-drama Nobara recommended.

"You enjoy this stuff?" An unimpressed voice asks, Y/N not completely registering the deeper tone nor the way the hand tightened around her waist almost possessively.

"Hmm? You know I do, besides, it was recommended by Noba—" Y/N couldn't even finish saying her friend's name before her chin was roughly taken by a familiar hand.

"Eh—?" Y/N stares up to meet a familiar gaze, E/C eyes meeting four red ones.

"How'd you even get control?" Y/N questions, not even bothering to try and struggle out of the grasp as she meets his gaze unfaltering.

Well, it's not like she would be able to free herself anyway, Y/N supposes.

"Like I would tell—"

"Did Yuuji give you control or no? Was it a binding vow? Or did he take your word that you wouldn't kill anyone?" Y/N questions, not allowing Sukuna to finish what would likely just be another insult towards her.

"Yuuji's dumb like that, but cute dumb. Like a puppy, y'know?" Y/N asks, ignoring the murderous glare and scowl from Sukuna.

"Most would lose their tongue for daring to interrupt me." Sukuna finally speaks, a threat underlying his tone.

"I'd bet they loose their heads too, you don't seem like the type to settle for something so lackluster as just their tongue." Y/N laughs, booping the curse on the nose as though they weren't speaking about maiming people.

"...You're an odd human." Sukuna mumbles after a moment, watching the girl who was still snuggled up against his side with an unreadable expression.

"Aw, thanks!" Y/N beams like it was the nicest thing someone has ever spoken to her.

Sukuna sighs, giving up on trying to intimidate the girl who seemingly had no self-preservation.

"But, yeah, k-dramas are fun to watch! Not my first choice, but I told Nobara I'd watch it, so." Y/N shrugs uncaringly,

"Why? Does the king of curses like these type of shows?" A sly grin spreads across Y/N's face, leaning closer to Sukuna in an attempt to tease him.

Sukuna pauses, expression becoming unreadably blank as he stares down at the girl who was basically straddling his lap at this point.

"Such impiety for someone so weak." Sukuna mutters— although, the words didn't seem to be intended as an insult, it was a mere observation; an undeniable fact. The hand holding her chin in a tight grip loosening as his hand falls down lower.

The cold hand encircles the base of her neck— the tips of his fingers connecting at the back of her neck.

"Huh?" Y/N blinks in confusion, briefly glancing down at her neck before looking up again to meet Sukuna's gaze.

Four red eyes scrutinize her, narrowing slightly as the hand around her neck squeezes lightly before he retracts his hand entirely.

"Hm. Get some rest, brat." Sukuna orders— voice sharp and cold despite his previous actions which were uncharacteristically gentle; careful to not actually injure her.

Y/N stares up at Sukuna owlishly for a second before slowly nodding, unsure of what to make of the curse's action.

At her lack of move to do anything, Sukuna clicks his tongue in annoyance; rolling his eyes as he pushes her forward against his chest.

Y/N isn't sure what to think of the curses, dare she say, soft behavior, but she wouldn't mind getting use to it.

© 𝓢OLARSAINT 2024 ─── all of my works belong me alone! do not copy, steal, plagiarize, or spread any of my works in any other social media platform. these have only been reloaded on my own accounts on ao3 and wattpad

[kamaela]

To Be Punished (M, 1k)

Fic by me

I wrote a fic for a discord challenge: Outsider POV. Read below or on AO3

Tags:

POV Outsider, Major Character Death, Draco Malfoy in Azkaban, Angst and Tragedy, Hallucinations, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Hurt/Comfort, Auror Harry Potter, Sad Ending

Summary:

An Azkaban guard bears witness to Draco and Harry and all that stands between them.

***

Inmate #227: D. Malfoy. High Risk. 24-hour guard. No visitors.

Don’t interact with the inmate. That was one of the first things she’d been told during training. She was to stand guard, silent and alert. She was not to engage.

—

“What the fuck did you do that for?” Harry Potter spat. He was angrier than she’d ever seen him in the papers.

He wasn’t a visitor. He was here on ‘official Auror business.’

Malfoy lay in his cot, staring at the ceiling. He’d been that way since he’d arrived, straight from his trial. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Don’t play dumb. I was there!” The wards stretching between them shuddered.

“I’m not sure why you’re asking me about it, then.”

“I want to know why. We had a plan. You didn’t just stray from it, you blew it up. With wandless fucking magic!”

Malfoy sat up, turned. “They insulted her! You know how I—I couldn’t control it.”

“They’re gonna use this to jack up your sentence. All that work we did—”

—

Malfoy’s sentencing hearing lasted no more than 15 minutes. Two Aurors escorted him back to his cell. Harry Potter, pale and unsteady, wasn’t far behind.

“Draco, I—”

“Twenty years,” Malfoy said. His voice shook.

“It’s okay, I’m going to fix this. I’m gonna get Hermione and I—we’re gonna fix this.”

Malfoy laughed. “You’re an idiot, Potter.”

—

Harry Potter visited every few weeks. Today, he vibrated with fevered enthusiasm. She watched his steps as he paced in front of the cell.

“There’s heaps of evidence of corruption, not just in the Wizengamot. With the right angle, Hermione thinks we can build a really strong case. Maybe—Draco, are you listening to me?”

“No.”

—

“No luck?” Malfoy was leaning against the wall, picking his nails. He seemed unconcerned, but she knew better. He’d paced in his cell right up to the minute Harry had stepped through the door.

“I don't know why you're so smug about it.”

“Even the Boy Who Lived can't save the poor teenage Death Eater.”

Harry ran the toe of his boot along the stone floor.

“Twenty years Draco. I'm not sure I can—”

“I'm not asking you to.”

—

“I dreamt about that night on the rooftop, when we—”

“Oh.” A small private smile flickered across Harry’s face.

She started to wonder if it really was Auror business he was here for.

“I think you should stop coming by, Harry.”

—

It had been a few months, but Harry came back. It seemed he couldn’t keep away.

Draco’s voice was sharp. “What are you doing here, I told them I didn't want—”

“I paid off the guards.”

A scoff. “Of course.”

Harry stepped closer to the barrier. “You look—have you been sleeping?”

Draco laughed, shifting his gaze to her as if they shared an inside joke.

—

“They agreed to a hearing,” Harry exclaimed.

She hadn’t seen Draco get out of his cot for 72 hours. Today was no exception.

“Well, aren't you pleased?” Harry prompted.

“I have no feelings about it one way or another.”

—

“I saw Mother last night.” Draco’s eyes were puffy. Her colleague had said he’d been crying all night.

“Oh.”

“This place, Harry. I need to get out.”

Harry tugged his maroon robes.

“I'm so sorry. They upheld the decision.”

Draco put his head in his hands.

—

“I saw Mother again. He was there, too.”

“I'm sorry. Let's talk about something happy.”

“Happy?”

“Christmas. At The Manor? You remember, we tried to make gingerbread?”

A soft chuckle, “Oh yes, that was…”

—

“I can’t stop the dreams. I could never—the only time they stopped was when we—”

“I know,” Harry rested his forehead against the barrier. “Gods, I wish I could hold you.”

The dementors were gone, but the infection they’d left behind was vicious. She wondered if she should log an incident report. Nightmares were an early sign.

—

Draco had been pacing and muttering for hours before Harry arrived.

“Draco.”

“I’ve still got that twelve inch charms essay to finish.”

“Draco, it’s me. Harry.”

Draco kept pacing.

“Will you look at me?”

Draco did. “I miss you.”

—

“Mother visited last night,”

“Oh really?”

“She says hello.”

“Well, that’s nice of her.”

—

“Harry, I keep seeing him. I keep—I don’t want to go back there.”

“I know.”

“I’m scared.”

“I know. It’s okay. I’m gonna fix this.”

She felt it was rather unfair of Harry to give him false hope.

—

“We’re going to keep trying, I’m not giving up.”

“It’s okay, Harry.”

A strangled sound. “No. Don’t—”

“At least we got those months. That’s more than I ever…” Draco pressed a hand against the barrier, and the gesture seemed like a declaration.

“Don’t,” Harry whispered, a plea.

—

“I wish we’d had more time,” Harry said.

Draco laughed.

“Draco, what are you—”

“They took away my bedframe. I have no sheets.” He kept laughing.

—

Draco’s hair was matted. He’s been refusing to shower.

“Potter, what are you doing? You can't be here.”

“Draco—”

“He’ll be here any second. My Aunt, she called him—”

“We’re not at—”

“No! Harry, you have to get out. You have to win. Please. Go.”

“Okay, Draco. I’ll go.”

Harry hadn’t let her see him cry, until then.

—

“Harry.” Draco sat pressed right up against Harry, touching, if not for the magic weaved between them. “I’m not sure I can keep doing this.”

“I know.” Harry’s voice was small, kind. “I won’t ask you to.”

“In a different life, do you think—” Draco’s face crumpled. She had to look away.

Harry rubbed his eyes repeatedly. “Yes, love. In any life.”

—

He wasn’t a next-of-kin, nor a registered visitor, so he hadn't been notified.

He arrived as usual, glasses askew.

She hadn’t been trained for this.

“Mr. Potter.”

“Where is he? Have you moved him?”

She shook her head. “I’m sorry.”

His green eyes dulled as he collapsed onto the floor. She wondered then, as the hero’s sobs rent the air, who this place punished more.

[beecauseevan]

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December 2023

…But I'll have a blue, blue, blue, blue Christmas

The last cords of the song fade away as Eddie enters the loft kitchen. Chim is humming along to it, the sound nearly drowned out by the buzzing of the coffee maker. It's almost lunch time, but instead of food, the dining table holds a large brown paper bag. The logo on it isn't something Eddie recognizes—it's a pair of knitting needles, surrounded by some words in a squiggly font he can't read. 

He jerks his thumb at it in passing. "What's that?"

"It's a gift from a caller," Chim says, and that might be the most frightening thing Eddie has heard all week. Chim must read the shock on his face, because he quickly amends, "It's nothing edible. Don't worry. Catherine—you now, the nice lady we, uh, rescued last week—she knits. Or crochets? I don't know the difference, to be honest with you."

"Knitting is done with two needles," Buck says, shouldering past Eddie to get to the coffee maker first. Eddie watches the long, wide line of his back as he grabs a mug from the top shelf, then looks away when Buck steals the pot Chim was just making. "Crocheting uses one needle. And it’s not really a needle, it’s a hook. Also, you can build a machine that knits, but for some reason you can’t build a machine that crochets. It’s too complicated.

Chim frowns at him and steals the pot back. "How do you know that?"

"I went down a Wikipedia rabbit hole after I watched a documentary on fast fashion," Buck shrugs. "It's a pretty fascinating industry. And sad. And scary. Fast fashion kills. And it's destroying our planet. Anyway. What were you guys talking about?"

"We got gifts," Eddie says, pointing at the bag. "From last week's caller."

Buck raises his brow. "The elevator couple?"

"Gifts from a caller?" asks Hen, who just joined them as well. The kitchen isn't that big, so Eddie vacates it, moves over to the table to peek into the bag. "We should probably call Athena. Or poison control."

"Or the FBI," says Buck, with the same alarmed expression Eddie wore earlier. 

Chim shakes his head. "It's not brownies."

"It's sweaters." Eddie pulls the bag open further and is met by an explosion of colors—blue and green and red and yellow. "Christmas sweaters."

"Ugly Christmas sweaters?" Buck rushes closer, abandoning his coffee on the counter. 

Eddie pulls one of the sweaters out of the bag and Buck follows suit, and then Chim and Hen come closer too. Ravi and Bobby find them not long after. Soon the bag is empty and everybody is holding a sweater. They may be ugly—in the best way—and Eddie still can't tell if they're knit or crochet, but they're clearly well-made. The wool is soft and heavy in his hands, smooth when he trails his fingers over the band of bright green Christmas trees running across the chest of the sweater. Below that, a line of yellow gingerbread men dance along its circumference, followed by a row of snowflakes. 

"Way better than spiked brownies," Buck says, delighted. When Eddie looks up, he's already wearing his sweater. It's got the same pattern as Eddie's, just reversed—on his chest, the snowflakes come first. The sweater is a little tight around his shoulders, but that's just what clothes look like on Buck's ridiculous body. 

"Spiked brownies?" Ravi asks, eyes wide with alarm. 

Buck shrugs. "Long story."

"I don't know," Chim says, smirking down at his own sweater. "The brownies were kind of fun. They made Eddie cry."

"Fuck you," Eddie replies good-naturedly.

"Language," Bobby gets to say, once again. 

Eddie puts the sweater down just long enough to pull his LAFD hoodie over his head. In the process, his undershirt slips out of his belt, riding up and exposing a strip of his abdomen. It's a cool day, for LA anyway, and because Eddie grew up in the desert and considers himself a warm-weather-enjoyer, the ugly sweater could not have come at a better time. He pulls it over his head and tugs it down firmly, then runs a hand through his hair to fix it as the weighty woolen fabric settles around his body, cozy and warm. 

When he looks up again, hand still stuck in his hair, his eyes happen to find Buck's face, and—

And Buck is staring at him, at his stomach, at the strip of skin that is now hidden beneath rows and rows of colorful stitches spelling out Happy Holidays!!! across his midriff. Buck's lips are slightly parted, his cheeks rosy. 

Eddie swallows. There's that kernel of warmth again, buzzing in his gut. 

"Uh," he says intelligently, and Buck jerks like someone slapped him. When he meets Eddie's eyes, his cheeks turn even redder, which is confusing and weird and fascinating. 

"Uh," Buck responds. "You look good. I mean. The sweater looks good on you. I mean. The sweater looks good. It's a good sweater."

"Wow," Ravi says quietly into the ensuing silence. 

"Wow," Chim echoes. 

Then the bell rings.

Written for the @911countdowntochristmas - this was supposed to be 24 drabbles but the Buddie NDE speculation going around pre 8x08 inspired me and now it’s a 24-mini-chaptered fic instead. And definitely more hurt/comfort than fluff. Oops.

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[equallyshaw]

favorite crime | mat barzal.

– part of the Sour hockey imagines.

– warnings: swearing.

– word count: 2.2k

• • • • • • •

Know that I loved you so bad I let you treat me like that I was your willing accomplice

–

she was head over heels, and everyone knew it. especially mat. he thrived off of it, he had her in the palm of his hands and used it to his advantage. especially when he wanted to get laid. he was a dude, what else would you expect? the first time she questioned everything was when he failed to show up to her apartment after a pre planned meeting between the two. he blew it off as "something came up" not knowing he was doing it to test her patience and her loyalty to him. the second time she questioned her love for the canadian was when he blew up at her when she commented on him showing up unannounced while she was doing school work.

"you show up now and now then, mat? I'm busy! i cant just drop everything for you when i have my own life." she fought back, and he chuckled angrily. "there are plenty of fucking women in this city that would." he seethed before turning around and walking out.

the third time was when he was harassing her over text messages, he did not like how she was seen in a snapchat story from one of her friends of her and another guy doing shots together. he was asserting dominance over her, and again testing her loyalty. her friends told her that that was not fuckin normal and that she needed to drop him. but the only problem was, was that she loved him. they did not know how sweet he could be in private, when he whispered sweet nothings in her ears as he made love to her or when they did couple things her their respective apartments such as decorating a gingerbread house or baking pumpkin bread over the holidays. they did not know who he was when it was just the two of them, and so she just kept going back.

–

And I watched as you fled the scene Doe-eyed as you buried me

–

then things began to turn for the worse, and every time he left her apartment he'd leave her in tears as he had just given her another blow to her self-worth, confidence, and who she was. he did not care. he would act as if he did nothing wrong, and that they were just having a conversation. he again thrived off the feeling it gave him and how she could still take it all, and crawl back to him. he'd leave knowing what he always knew, she'd call or text the next day apologizing for whatever she thought she did.

she sat on the couch looking at her white carpet, as he yelled at her from the other side of the room. this time it was about how she was seen taking shots with a guy in the snapchat video. "but you don't own me! we arent even a damn couple, so you cant get upset if i go out with my friends!" she screamed at him through tears, not being able to control them. "that's why you need new friends!" he screamed back at her, as she consoled her self by wrapping her arms around herself. she looked up at him, as if what he said was not hurtful and that it was not an issue. that he was just, 'stating the obvious'. she shook her head, crying even harder as he slammed her apartment door shut.

–

Those things I did Just so I could call you mine The things you did Well, I hope I was your favorite crime

–

this girl did everything her power to make sure she looked the part everytime they went out, with his teammates. make sure she looked the part so that she could actually have the part at some point; officially. her sister and her best friend were concerned when she brought a whole new wardrobe, got her hair highlighted and started wearing loads of makeup. the very opposite of who she was, prior to meeting mat.

"listen please don't take this the wrong way hun, but what is going on? why have you changed everything about yourself? for him." her sister said concerningly one morning over brunch. her little sister gave her a confused looked, "look at the outfit you have on. this is something i'd wear and though i love it...it isn't you. this isn't my sister that i know." but her little sister would not hear it. "you don't love him bean, please don't say that you do." she said giving her hard look and her little sister knew that she was upset. "god damn, he's changed you! you cant be in love this deeply after 4 months bean..you just cant be!" her older sister said getting heated. "you-you don't know him-" and her older sister chuckled. "i know him enough, thankyou." and with that her older sister threw some money on the table and was gone.

she did not realize how much she needed to hear that, and as she returned back to her apartment; her mind was running rapidly. she had changed, and not for the better. she began to dress differently, act differently to those that tried to talk down on mat, changed her whole schedule to match his and most importantly, she never ate anymore. she was too transfixed on being enough for him, but deep down she knew she'd never be enough.

–

I crossed my heart as you crossed the line And I defended you to all my friends

–

"denise- he isn't that bad!" she defended mat, as she was out to eat with the friends that he wanted her to drop. denise and the other shook their heads. "how many god damn times have you called me in tears after he left your apartment, huh? how many times have you called us having an anxiety attack because he told you to stop hanging out with us or to stop doing the things that make you happy? he's fucking controlling you, and you don't even recognize it!" and the others agreed. the girl shook her head, so miserably in love. "girl..we don't even wanna hang out with you knowing that he's gonna call you as soon as you step one foot out of the restaurant or store..but we know we cant leave you alone to fend for yourself." ashley another friend stated. "guys, stop. he cares about me, i promise. i would not be with him if he didn't." she said desperately, trying to move on from the conversation. the others took another defeat and moved on. though, they would be continuing to go back to the conversation at a later date.

–

And now, every time a siren sounds I wonder if you're around 'Cause you know that I'd do it all again

–

even after 6 months of having no contact, whenever she heard the song that was playing the very night that they met in that crowded bar, she looks around hoping to see him. she thinks about that night everytime and how much he love bombed her, in hopes to get her back to her apartment. she thinks back to how good it was those first few weeks and how much he acted as if he adored the girl to the ends of the earth. sweet texts, coffee delivered to her place, flowers in the mail and the incredible sex her gave her. she would go back to that mat in an instant, but she knows it was all a ploy to gain her trust just so then he could rip herself apart, slowly and surely.

–

It's bittersweet to think about the damage that we do 'Cause I was going down, but I was doing it with you Yeah, everything we broke, and all the trouble that we made But I say that I hate you with a smile on my face

–

the two of them did a number on one another as if that was not already clear. even though she continued to go back time and time again, she'd make sure he felt just as shitty as when he did it to her. she made sure he felt just how worthless he made her feel and would threaten everything, even his livelihood.

once people had begun to question their relationship and how fucked it all seemed, she began to become distant. mat noticed it, how couldn't he? he was in tune with every mood, every step, and every action she made. he had to be, or he wouldn't be able to get away with what he did. then slowly, she began to fight back. if he was doing it, why couldn't she? the next time he showed up after she brunch with her sister, she didn't take the words he threw at her. mat felt threatened with every insult and glare she threw at him. he was nervous for the first time in their 'relationship' or 'situationship'. "what has gotten into you?" he said as he felt cornered. she laughed heartedly, "doing exactly what you do the second you step into my place." she seethed, turning back to look at him with an icy glare. "you hurt me babe, so i get to hurt you." she said grinning darkly. "do you know how that makes me feel about you?" she questioned, not a beat later. he shook his head. "it makes me fucking hate you." she said smiling, before she placed her lips on his.

–

Oh, look what we became

–

finally after what seemed like an eternity, when in reality it was only 7 months; she left. she moved back home to connecticut to be with her parents and friends. mat was shocked to show up to her place, and she no longer resided there. he texted her, but never got a response after she had changed her number. he had no way to get ahold of her besides social media, that she also abandoned for new accounts as well.

her parents had no idea why she showed up on their doorstep right before christmas, but once they found out; they were never going to let her leave the state again.

the last time they fought was the worst that they had fought before, plates and cups as well as a flower vase broke within her apartment. cops were called, the apartment manager was called and so was his lawyer and agent. the two were able to get out of it, and with a little money dropped their way they forgot about all of it. she had never once been in the presence of violence, and she knew in that moment she had to leave. she quickly got her sister and friends to help her pack the very next day and as soon as everything was shipped, she flew home.

–

All the things you did

Well, I hope I was your favorite crime

–

even when things never seemed to go right, there would be moments that would make it seem like it was all alright. a few nights before the last fight, mat had shown up with her favorite pizza and a bottle of red wine. and that night he showed her what she'd been craving for a while again. he was gentle, he was sweet, kind, loving, and every single synonym in the book that described somebody who deeply cared about somebody. he had shown her what he could be if he ever made things official. but like anything in her life, this was not meant to be.

she hopes that he realizes how much of a mistake it all was, getting to know her. she hopes selfishly, that he realizes how much of an ass and how he had fumbled a dime like her. she was an amazing person, ask anyone in her life. and one should be so lucky to know her and call her theirs.

–

Your favorite crime

–

as years go by, she finally finds the courage to head back to new york to visit her sister. running through the snowy streets trying to get inside before she gets even more soaked. she holds the hand of her new fiance tony, she gets inside quickly to see her sister and her husband sitting near the back. her sister see's her baby sister's contagious smile from across the restaurant and tears up at how comfortable she looks and see's the ever- loving gaze her fiance holds for her as he takes her coat off.

as luck would have it, mat and his teammates had just sat down in the Italian restaurant only mere minutes before her and tony. the couple walk down the length of the restaurant to hug the waiting couple. "oh my god, the ring is even more beautiful in person!" her sister gushed as she and her husband inspected it. tony only laughed, as he looked on. he pulled out the seat for her, and which she took with a wide smile. a little while later as the four were leaving, the older sister saw the scorned and tainted canadian as she walked in front, and she gave the best family glare she could. he felt chills run down his spine, as he took in the girl that he used and abused over and over again. she looked happy and so in love with the guy.

hope it was all worth it, mat.

• • • • • • •

and there you have it folks😢 pls don't kill me lol

but if you enjoyed, please like and reblog-- itd mean a whole lot!

🫶🏻🫶🏻

some tags from previous parts in series: @fallinallincurls @jayda12 @barzzal @matbaerzal @slafgoalskybaby @bitchinbarzal @hockeyboysarehot @cellythefloshie @hockey-lover86

[mamamittens]

The Intent Matters

This is part 6/12 of December Event 2023 for @humanoid606

Platonic Yandere Straw Hats & Nonbinary Reader

Warnings: Implied toxic family, child abuse, and murder. Oh, and light yandere undertones.

Word Count: 2,625

There was a chill in the air that mixed with the scent of warm spices. It lingered over your bedding as you buried your nose into your pillow, trying to sleep a little longer. Peace was a bit rare on the Thousand Sunny with the Straw Hat Pirates. So you tried to enjoy it as long as you could. But, as expected, it didn’t last long.

There was a gentle knocking.

“Are you awake, teaspoon?” Your nose wrinkled at the nickname. An odd one for Sanji. But sweet.

A little goes a long way, teaspoon.

“…Yeah. I’m awake.” You called back, receiving an amused huff.

“Get dressed and you can help with the Christmas rolls.” Sanji called. “As a treat.” That got you up and moving. The opportunity to help Sanji cook was rare, the chef protective over his kitchen—understandably with your menace of a captain liable to eat everything if given the chance. You made record time throwing on a sweater and taking care of hygiene. The chill present all on the ship despite the heating working hard. Something Franky was fixing since he apparently didn’t expect this level of persistent cold when originally planning the temperature control.

You nearly stumbled into the kitchen, Sanji smiling at your enthusiasm as he dipped his head towards a bowl.

“Mixing duty?” You asked, already knowing the answer as pre-measured bowls lined the counter. Dough from the looks of it. Sanji moved aside as you washed your hands with a pleased hum, glad you remembered your manners and didn’t touch food with dirty hands.

It was a quiet, pleasant atmosphere as you assisted in making rolls for breakfast and setting aside cookie dough for gingerbread later. Rolling, cutting, folding, and setting them in the oven under Sanji’s watchful eye. He even let you ice them.

“Don’t forget your gift, teaspoon.” Sanji reminded in a hushed tone as he set the food on platters for serving. You looked at him in confusion. Eyes looking around for an answer. It was there, suddenly, on the counter. A small box with a red bow on top. Sanji looking at you in amusement as you lifted the lid.

It was a neatly folded apron and a pair of oven mitts. White with little spoons embroidered on the edges, the front of the apron spelling out in delicate calligraphy ‘Little Helper’. You flushed, glancing at him in surprise.

“W-What’s this all about?” You asked softly. Sanji smiled, taking out his cigarette to tap out the ashes into a tray.

“Your own apron and mitts. You’re welcome in my kitchen anytime, teaspoon. Merry Christmas.” Sanji pulled you into a gentle hug. The unexpected affection lingered for a moment before Sanji pulled away with a wink. Or maybe he just blinked, it was hard to say with his hair still covering the other eye. “Chopper has his own gift for you next. After breakfast, though.”

Breakfast was received with the usual cheer and gusto, particularly from Luffy. He took off his hat and settled it on your head, much to your surprise.

“Merry Christmas—you can wear that today. Just today though!” Luffy declared through a mouthful of bacon and cinnamon rolls. You couldn’t help but smile in shock. Sure, Luffy was generally chill with his crew messing with his hat, but to wear it a whole day?

That was a surprising gift.

When everyone—even Luffy—finished eating, Chopper tugged you away to his office.

“I had to look around for a quality bag to hold it all!” Chopper lamented, “Nothing was good enough! Usopp ended up helping make the bag. Here, your gift!” Chopper offered a box between his hooves. Getting rather excited, you lifted the lid and found a canvas bag inside. A bit smaller than something you’d wear to carry your things in, meant more to be worn by your hip with a belt clip and thigh buckle to support it. You pulled it out, inspecting the soft white fabric with a red cross on the outside.

The bag could detach from the fastenings and unzip in a surprisingly display of ingenuity. Medical supplies carefully secured and labelled on every flap, including a pouch of ‘miracle medicines’ from Chopper’s own stash. Things meant only under dire circumstances. Short of literal surgery, you appeared to be set for anything life on board the Thousand Sunny could throw at you.

“Wow, this is… a lot! Shouldn’t you be the one to have all this though? I only know a little first aid after all.” You asked nervously. Chopper smiled, eyes gleaming with determination.

“Don’t worry, I plan to teach you how to use everything in here to it’s fullest potential! Just in case we’re ever separated, I wanted to know you could take care of yourself—or any of our troublesome crewmates!” Chopper laughed and you smiled. It would be handy to have an extra pair of hands in a medical emergency. “Maybe if you have a knack for it, you can even make your own medicine!”

It was rather heartwarming that Chopper had so much faith in your abilities.

“Thanks, Chopper. I love it.” You hugged him close and he chuffed, returning the embrace without even a hint of fake-disdain that he usually did when embarrassed. “I won’t let you down.”

Chopper clicked his tongue.

“As if you ever could! Now, I believe Franky had something for you next!” You snorted, setting him down.

“Am I going to be going to each of you today to get gifts? If I’d known, I would have gotten you all something too… though I don’t really celebrate.” You trailed off weakly, squeezing the bag as Chopper huffed, knowing what you were referring to.

“We know! Next year you can join in—but this year we wanted to show you that things are different here! Now, off you go!” Chopper gently ushered you out of his office. You left with a smile, taking a moment to secure the bag before going on to find Franky. Likely in the engine room, you’d know when you started to smell soda.

The cyborg was always surrounded by the scent of soda.

As expected, he was messing with the machinery deeper in the ship. Inspecting gears and gauges with an array of tools nearby. After a few moments, you knocked on the wall just loud enough to be heard over the mechanical workings. He jolted, looking back with pleased surprise.

“Oh! Hey there! Here for your gift, right?” Franky jerked his head off to the side against the wall where a colorful box waited. “It’s my part of what Usopp and I have been working on! An attachment for a weapon!” Franky laughed. You opened the box to find what like a thick barrel with a selection wheel around the base. Shapes you vaguely recognized as tool inserts for knuts, bolts, and screws along it.

When you clicked the wheel to what appeared to be a regular screw cross shape, a large piece of metal slid out. The tip of a screw, in fact, though clearly for a very large screw.

“Uh… how often am I meant to run into screws this big?” You asked loudly. Franky laughed.

“There’s a regular sized ones in there too that you can remove! But this is what you might find on bigger machines! You never know when you’ll need to tighten—or loosen—something!” Franky declared cheerfully. “Go to Usopp for the other half!”

“Alright, thanks, Franky!” You laughed, taking the box with you. At the very least Usopp can reuse it for something.

Usopp was in his studio, working on something quietly. He heard you coming in just fine and turned with a wide grin, spotting the rather heavy attachment in your arms.

“Oh! Sooner than expected, but that’s alright! I finished it just a few days ago!” Usopp grinned, standing up to rummage through a closet. He pulled out a pole about as tall as your waist. “It’s got some neat tricks. A taser, light, and even an emergency whistle that can be heard for miles around in a thick forest! And, of course, you attach Franky’s gift on the end here for more engineering problems!” Usopp twisted the top to flip through an electrified prong, a tube with a beam of light, and very briefly a whistle that automatically sounded. It was incredibly loud.

You handed him the attachment and it slid into place easily. Now suitably sized for you to use the oversized tools it gave you. With a flick of his hand, they even altered slightly to turn for you, though the screwdrivers didn’t need to for obvious reasons.

“Neat. Kinda hope I never need any of that though.” You commented lightly. Usopp nodded his head sagely.

“Of course! Of course! Still, I think I speak for everyone when I say it’s better to have it and never need it than to need it and never have it!” Usopp declared. “Like Chopper’s medical bag! Hopefully, you never need to open it for anything but an aspirin for headaches, hah!” Usopp laughed, handing the now sizable staff to you.

You weighed it in your hands, getting a feel for it. It was understandably quite hefty. But also just a little too much to carry around regularly. You weren’t exactly built before joining the crew after all.

“It’s nice but… I’m not sure how I’d use it. Or carry it around all the time.” You admitted quietly. Usopp clapped his hand over your shoulder with a reassuring smile.

“That’s where Zoro and Nami come in! Go to the training room, they’re waiting in there for you!” Usopp declared. Hopeful, if a little nervous, you nodded.

That wasn’t exactly the most reassuring combo you could ask for. But still, you made your way to the training room without any fuss.

Nami spotted you first.

“Oh! There you are! And wow, they really went all out with that staff, didn’t they?” Nami asked, holding out her hand. Despite her slender frame, she whipped it around easily, flicking through the various options with an absentminded nod of her head. “Good. Good. Well, as you may have guessed, we’re going to help train you to wield this! I’ll help with technique and Zoro will help with strength training!” Zoro looked up from his own absurdly large weights and nodded.

“By the time the witch and I are done, you’ll be a terror in your own right.” Zoro added with a grin. “Later, though. For now, here’s our actual gifts.”

Zoro tossed something at you and you nearly fell trying to catch it. It was a pair of fingerless gloves with metal on the knuckles. They fit perfectly and had padding for your hands. As you flexed them, getting a feel for the fabric, Nami placed a pouch in them. It was a bag that looked like an orange slice with the unmistakable weight of money in them.

“An allowance, interest free!” Nami winked. “Don’t spend it all in one place!” She warned.

“Oh. T-Thanks.” You said faintly, a little gob smacked that Nami gave you money. Without expecting it back, even! Out of words to say, you put the bag away. “I… I guess I go find Robin or Jinbe now?” you asked, feeling a little adrift at the unexpected gift giving you’d experienced all day.

“They’re both in the kitchen right now, I think, enjoying some tea.” Nami mused, putting the weapon on the wall. “We’ll keep this here until you’re ready to carry it all day. Wouldn’t want to hurt yourself!”

“Merry Christmas.” You called out faintly as you went to find Robin and Jinbe.

As Nami had said, they were in the kitchen taking a moment to themselves. Sanji likely watching over the helm for Jinbe while he was on break before lunch.

“There you are, dear. Come, join us!” Robin called softly, Jinbe smiling and pulling out a chair for you. “Our gifts are also to be enjoyed at the same time. I imagine you’ve had a surprising day.” Robin commented, gently brushing your back as you sat down. She pushed out a box of tea and Jinbe pushed a journal towards you. Both were clearly high quality.

“To write down your thoughts. It gets pretty chaotic around here. So I thought that you’d like the chance to collect yourself through this.” Jinbe added quietly with a soft smile of his own. The journal was made of dyed leather, ocean blue with waves along the cover and the silhouettes of fish swimming to and fro. On a plate was your name engraved, with a fancy pen slipped into a loop between the covers.

Taking a moment, you pulled out a bag of tea labeled ‘noon’. There was also a section of ‘morning’ and ‘bed’ teas. It smelled zesty and like unfamiliar herbs. Robin assisting in pouring a cup to steep the leaves in. While it did, you flipped open the book to look at the pages. They were completely blank, no lines, so you could sketch if you preferred without any interference. The pages also thick and smooth.

You noticed something sticking out of the top. A scrap of newspaper. Curious, you flipped through the book to find it.

It was a small, cut section from a paper. Dated a few weeks ago. It was terse and professional, expressing the condolences for the passing of…

Your family.

Your eyes watered. After all they’d done to you, it was surprising that you could feel mournful of their passing. But over all of that was the overwhelming feeling of relief. You’d never have to see them again. For real this time. Not a chance they could find their way back in your life to tell you those awful things or drag you into the horrible depression that plagued your every step under their roof.

You looked up at them in shock but they just smiled and drank their tea.

“Shishishishishishishi~” Luffy laughed unexpectedly in your ear. “It was hard to keep it a secret, but Sanji said it would be worth it!” Rubber arms wrapped around you as he hugged you, resting his chin on top of his hat.

“I still say we should have done the same for Sanji.” Robin mused. “At least his father…” she sighed. You could feel Luffy shake his head.

“Nah, seeing Sanji be the best cook in the world is better. Let that bitter ass stew in failure… if he tries another ‘whole cake’ again though, Sanji will just have to suck it up.” Luffy denied ominously. “You’re ours, but as long as they were alive, you’d always be on the look out for them. Afraid of the chance they’d show up and take you back. And now they won’t. Captain’s orders.”

You could hear the rest of the crew respond in kind as they came into the kitchen. Sanji entering your field of view to pull out his knives, ostensibly to cut up meat for lunch but the metal gleamed with warning in the light.

“Captain’s orders.”

There was an unfamiliar and almost oppressive weight to those words. Like there was another layer to the order.

You’re never leaving. Captain’s orders.

But you strangely didn’t feel threatened. They didn’t want to lock you in a room or beat you for ‘ruining things’. You were wanted here. Very much. They wanted you safe. They wanted you happy. And they were willing to go to extraordinary lengths to do it.

You should be afraid. But you weren’t. You relaxed in your chair as Luffy laughed softly above you. Hand over his arm as you finally responded.

“Captain’s orders…”

You weren’t going anywhere. Why would you?

[hiyoriddle]

as sweet as you.

clarence x gn!reader | 1k words | you call him over to make gingerbread houses together.

merry christmas! this was written by someone that has never made gingerbread houses before…

you didn’t plan this at all, it’s just that he was the first person that came to your mind when you saw the gingerbread house kit at the store. the next thing you knew, you placed it inside your cart along with your groceries. when you got home, you stared at the box, wondering if you should text him.

now with your phone in hand, you suddenly thought it was a silly idea. clarence is busy enough, he wouldn’t take time off his day just to make a gingerbread house with you… yet you find yourself sending a text anyway. he replied almost immediately, mentioning that he bought a kit himself, and that he’d love to make it with you.

you prepared the materials you needed in the kitchen, you were pretty clueless when it came to making gingerbread houses, cael does mostly everything while you stuck with designing it. the knock on your door snapped you out of your thoughts, you walked over to open it.

“i’m guessing you need help with assembling it?” clarence asked with a chuckle, you notice the red box in his hand and he shows it to you. “this is what i usually get, it’s a bit harder to make, but i can assure you that it tastes better than most kits.”

“then i’m glad i called an expert.” you smile, opening the door wider and stepping aside. “come in.”

once he got inside, your cat ran towards him instantly. clarence got on one knee, petting the feline while it happily purrs in response. “he must’ve missed me.”

“i think he loves you more than me.” you pout. you found out early on that animals are naturally drawn to him, which you thought was cute, even if it meant fighting for your cat’s attention when he’s around.

he played with your cat some more then you both proceeded to the kitchen, setting up some other stuff before starting. clarence has his sleeves rolled up and it takes every ounce of your self control not to stare and think about how muscular his arms are.

he quickly goes over the basics, explaining everything you need to know. “it’s quite simple, we just need to make sure it holds up.” he says.

“well, at least i can make it look pretty.” you reply, handing him an apron. you put yours on, it’s in your favorite color, of course. he puts his on as well and you finally begin.

you carefully follow his lead, wary about messing it up. icing is usually used to “glue” the cookies together, but clarence shared a trick with you, he showed how caramelized sugar can be used as an alternative.

“like this.” he dipped one side into the sugar and pressed it onto the side of a different cookie, it was sturdy and it held in place. you did the same, albeit a little more messy, but it didn’t look half bad. “you can use icing to hide it later.” he adds.

you assembled all the cookies together and you felt proud of yourself, grinning as you showed him your work. “pretty neat, huh?”

he smiles back at you. “it’s great for your first time. good job.”

the praise made your cheeks feel warm all of a sudden, and you quickly turn away. “thanks… ah, we can start decorating now.”

now you were back in your element. other than the icing, there were little candies on the counter that you both used to decorate. you already had a design in mind, so you’re trying your best to recreate it. sometimes you turn to clarence and catch him smiling fondly towards you, leaving you with butterflies in your stomach.

“finished?” he asks.

you put the piping bag down, wiping your hands on the apron. “i think so.”

“it’s beautiful.” he says, his voice sincere. you’re not looking at him, yet you can see from your peripheral vision that his eyes weren’t exactly on your gingerbread house. he pushes his glasses up. “mine doesn’t stand a chance against yours.”

“yours probably taste better anyway.” you shrug, and you get an amazing idea. “clarence, come closer.”

he’s confused at your sudden request, but he takes a few steps towards you anyway. with a sly smirk, you wipe the icing on your finger onto his nose. he blinks, surprised, then he laughs. “you’re not getting away with that so easily.”

you were almost too distracted by his bright smile to notice the amount of icing that he was scooping up with his fingers, you run to the other side and raised your hands in surrender. “hey, that’s too much!”

he turns the tables on you, mimicking the smirk you gave him earlier. “really? i don’t think it is…”

and so, your little food fight began.

your faces were practically covered in icing once you finished, filling the kitchen with fits of giggles and laughter, you both had to stop because you still had to eat what you made. you cleaned yourselves up, and you made two cups of hot chocolate to go with the gingerbread.

“i kind of don’t want to eat it.” you place the red mug on the counter and sit next to him, admiring your work.

“we can always make it again.” with that being said, he snaps a piece of his gingerbread house apart and pops it in his mouth. “here, try it.” he takes another piece and you open your mouth slightly, leaning forward. he snickers and feeds it to you without another word.

you ate the gingerbread as you talked, his definitely tastes better. eventually the two of you moved to the couch with your mugs in hand. your cat, not wanting to be left out, decided to make himself comfortable in the space between.

“thank you for today. i enjoyed it.” clarence tells you, his lips curved upwards in a subtle smile, a faint pink dusting his cheeks.

you return his smile, resting your head on his shoulder. “me too… merry christmas, clarence.”

“merry christmas.”

you’re definitely doing this again next year.

[thgfanfictionlibrary]

Winter/Christmas Masterlist (4)

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 /

Created: February 22nd, 2024

Last Checked:—–

A District 12 Christmas Carol-JHsgf82 (ao3) Summary: AU. Miserly Haymitch Abernathy forces his clerk, Peeta Mellark, to work on Christmas Eve, and his wife is none too happy about it. Will he have a change of heart by morning, and miraculously learn to be kind and generous and love Christmas? Based on A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens.

A Lovely Winter Wedding-JHsgf82 (ao3) Summary: (AU). Katniss is the assistant to celebrity wedding and event planner Cinna Trevisano. She’s been working extra hard in preparation for a winter wedding when Peeta drops by to bring her something to eat. How will her employer react to finally meeting her mystery man?

be wherever you are-callmeshakesqueer (ao3) Summary: But she has to see him again. Swinging the door open, she gasps, met with Peeta whose fist is raised in the air, ready to knock on the door. “Did you forget something?” Katniss asks, a voice full of hope. “I did,” Peeta chuckles. “Your number.” OR Katniss Everdeen's POV of exchanging houses with a stranger from the internet as she tries to run from her past... only to find Peeta Mellark, who makes her brave enough to face the old demons and accept some things end for other things to begin.

Frigid-JHsgf82 (ao3) Summary: AU. Peeta Mellark, heir to the throne of Larkendelle, has worked to control his powers of ice and snow his entire life. After making a mistake the eve of his coronation, he runs away, only to be tracked down by a beautiful huntress hired to find him. Will she be his salvation, or will she only make matters worse?

Gingerbread cookies-MockingJayFlyingFree (ao3) Summary: Katniss doesn’t sleep. Peeta doesn’t sleep. Peeta makes Katniss gingerbread cookies - remnants from an ancient, forgotten and forbidden tradition called Christmas.

Hidden on this Prairie-RannonAce8 (ao3) Summary: Katniss lost everything during the war: her home, her family, and her innocence. Now, just a few short years after Appomattox she finds herself dislocated yet again when a dispute with the landlord leaves her homeless and unemployed. A chance meeting with a stranger offers her a chance at a better life out west but Katniss has no inclination to ever be involved with a man again.

I Love To Hate You-Diana_Flynn (ao3) Summary: Peeta Mellark can't wait to start his new movie with esteemed director Haymitch Abernathy. That all changes when he learns who the lead actress is - Katniss Everdeen, the woman he hates. For PiP.

Kissed an Elf (and Liked It)-JHsgf82 (ao3) Summary: Modern AU mixed with canon (similarities and references). Katniss takes her 'niece' to get a photo with Santa. She's shocked to discover who Santa's helper is. For the prompt: Peeta works as a Santa's helper, and Katniss brings in her little niece Posy for a photo with Santa.

Mommy Used to Date Santa-JHsgf82 (ao3) Summary: Modern AU. Single mom, Katniss, brings her baby daughter to sit on Santa’s lap. Turns out, Santa is a guy she went to high school with‒and quite possibly could have been the love of her life. Do second chances really happen?

~Unmasked~-katnissdoesnotfollowback (ao3) Summary: Written under an Anonymous pseudonym ~M~ to fill the following prompt: Historical Katniss and Peeta hate each other. They attend a masquerade ball and for some reason end up kissing each other. Sparks fly everywhere. Katniss tries to find the man behind the mask but Peeta knows it was Katniss though he doesnt say anything. They end up bethrothed even if they 'despise' each other. How they fall in love is up to u and how katniss figured out it was peeta is up to u

[stari-hun]

Under the Oak Tree has this special quality of somehow having no chemistry but having very interesting and compelling characters. It’s Riftan. Riftan is the issue. They want a historical series but they’re ignoring that the core appeal of a historical series is an easy meet cute of an arranged marriage, fancy social etiquette, and most importantly the fashion. Riftan isn’t a historical ML in the way people like it cause he’s not just a gentleman wearing historical inspired clothing and or armor, he’s genuinely a misogynist controlling man and I’m like 😭😟 spooky. It’s giving that one sentient gingerbread man book that was randomly set in like the Victorian era with an extremely abusive husband that’s NEVER warned about in most of the reviews.

Like you come into the series and see a FL who’s neglected and mistreated by her family and ur like dope, this is a trope since the founding fanfics of Wattpad. The trope is ex common but it’s like a Sold to One Direction kinda thing, it’s a core part of the history of modern writing. Angst is such a popular genre and people love whump, like it’s good. ITS COMMON BUT ITS GOOD. People love overdone tropes cause even if it’s done a lot it’s easy to do well. Under the Oak Tree does SO well with Maxi’s trauma and she feels like such a human character. But then Riftan is just like- The appeal of the whump is that someone comes in and comforts the person and saves them from their past life. Riftan fr just comes in picks her up without a word, no communication, no nothing, constantly angry at her because she’s fearful of him and had no idea about their engagement (despite knowing that her father hated him and wanted him dead, so there would’ve been no reason to give her hope that she’d be saved from her household by a man soon to die). He’s just not comforting or appealing outside of sex appeal and smut TT, like he literally isn’t around for the first like what? 80 chapters unless it’s getting mad at her, degrading her and telling her to just be a decoration, or smut. LIKE GIVE US SUBSTANCE. Than her distress with him all the time is so scary and unnerving TT , it literally feels like for the first 2 seasons that she’s literally just having a fawn response around him and that’s why she seems to handle his presence. Not to mention that entire arc where any time she’d try to talk to him and have a genuine conversation as partner, he’d just kiss her and shut her up which was SOOOO weird.

He’s just SOOOO. It’s so weird. They only seem to like being around after 100 chapters. AND EVEN THEN IN THE TRAVELING TO THE SEA ARC HES UNRIGHTFULLY RUDE RUDE TO HER. literally anyone who spent all of their time locked up inside and doing close to no movement besides walking around and collecting plants for close to a year would struggle with a journey like that. In fact Maxi was a whole trooper, I’ve spent a whole day on horseback before and I literally couldn’t walk the next day and I was aching for 2 after that.

The appeal of the angsty insecure protagonist with a past like that is that the new environment welcomes them with full acceptance and love. RIFTAN ISNT LOVING SHIT. HE LIKES THE IDEA OF MAXI AS A NOBLE LADY. Sure we’re likely gonna see a generic plotline later of ohhh I met you as a child and you changed meeeeeeee, forgive all my bad traits and how I hurt you let’s make out ~~~~ but NO???? I REFUSE TO TAKE THAT TBH. He causes her so much more distress and it feels like another “My Husband Who Hates Me Has Lost His Memories” , like just a female protagonist enduring extreme constant emotional distress and trauma at the hands of the male lead but we’re supposed to just support their romance because ohhhh he doesn’t know what he’s doing despite being a full adult with autonomy and the life exp and capabilities to understand his actionssss. Noooo support their romance even though he’s constantly putting her in bad situations and she’s never been as happy with him as she does with women she’s just met in that hour.

TLDR: I wish authors would stop being insane and making their status of in the closet everyone else’s issue in the historical genre. Like pls stop cooking up the most divine wlw then force feed us abusive comphet, I see you, please free yourself babe.