#this game is a frequent topic of discussion in my house.

[vincent-stims]

zumbo sauce. opila biwd. stinga flymn.

one of the funniest items i own. $4.

free 2 use with credit!

[choerypetal]

Little Accidents / Paul Atreides

Summary: Paul's obliviousness was soon shattered when frequent visits to the nursing room revealed the true essence of love at first sight.

Ps: This is a short fluff I had in mind, but I hope you enjoy and also english isn't my first language so bare with minimal errors, (once upload i always make sure to update now my works, if there is any errors) Enjoy! XOXO

As the heir of the Atreides' House, Paul effortlessly following in his father's esteemed footsteps. He possesses an acute sense of ownership, ensuring he's well aware of everything under his purview. Whether it's news of your battle injuries or workplace mishaps, Paul is always the first to know, abandoning any prior engagements to rush to your aid. While you're being tended to, his concern is palpable; his eyes scan for any signs of harm as he utters all while using the voice. ‘Where?’ This gesture of worry has become familiar, a reassurance you've grown accustomed to, especially when your visits to the infirmary often serve as an excuse to steal moments with him. ‘Dropped a weapon on my foot,’ you explain with a hint of ruefulness, ‘guess my impatience got the better of me, inadvertently knocking out one of the armories. Pity.’

Indeed, quite a pity. Paul couldn't help but notice your composure, devoid of any telltale signs of injury. It either seemed that the nurse had efficiently tended to you before his arrival—a stroke of luck, perhaps. However, Paul wasn't fooled; this wasn't the first time you'd urgently summoned him to the infirmary. Today, he harbored suspicions that you might finally reveal the true reason behind your frequent visits. “If you'd prefer I refrain from using the Voice," he remarked, a hint of seriousness in his tone, "you'll need to be more forthcoming than simply labeling it an accident, my dear."

However, you eventually reassured the head nurse, explaining that it was merely a minor issue requiring attention. Your heart fluttered with a mixture of nerves and affection as Paul insisted on tending to your wounds himself, rather than delegating the task to anyone else. As the room cleared, leaving just the two of you alone, Paul attempted to devise a plausible excuse while discreetly observing your work. This added another layer of challenge for him, yet he remained determined to keep a watchful eye on you. “Now tell,” A pregnant pause was felt soon as he sat next to you. “How I am suppose to know, that there is probably more reason than just a visit at the nursery?” 

You find yourself drawn in by his innocence, but observing Paul working alongside his father and their associates, it becomes evident that innocence was not his defining trait anymore. In fact, there's a possibility he understands more than he lets on. Maybe he's even willing to engage in the game you're playing. You nonchalantly dismiss any concerns, offering the excuse that you're just adding a bit of spice to the situation. However, Paul's reaction suggests that perhaps it's not the right moment to discuss such matters, especially anything related to the Spice itself.

Paul tilted his head, almost taking offense at your attempt at humor. Despite his awareness of your desire to spend more time alone with him, he understood that convincing him to stay a little longer each time wasn't as simple as it seemed. Even if his attempts at pampering you, like tending to invisible wounds that morphed into cuddle sessions, were charming, he recognized that your discussions about the 'Spice' were more about politics than relaxation. Poor thing– that was all he knew about out. This realization led to a soft chuckle from you, followed by an apology for bringing up the topic. However, Paul dismissed your apology, urging you not to discuss such matters, especially around him, as he couldn't help but wonder why you frequented the nursing room more often than before. “Now tell me, or I might just become as impatient as you’ll be when demanding kisses..”

His voice trailed off, almost seductive when Paul was right about to expose this little game of yours. Instantly you could feel his lip curve slightly into a smirk as he saw your expression, your eyes winding in shock, trying your very best to obliged. That you were the one who meant to shock Paul out of his work for some time but, perhaps you were indeed right about your wonders. That in fact, Paul knew that the exact reasons why you obliged yourself to the nursing room more often than ever. Only to find out, it was to spend more time with him. But Paul being himself, being the type of guy that he is, did not to confess his wrong at first or to be completely oblivious. After all– he is the duke’s son. 

"So, let me get this straight," Paul Atreides began, his tone tinged with a mixture of disbelief and introspection. "I, Paul Atreides, am so easily ensnared by your little charade? It's rather disheartening, truth be told." There was a hint of a pout on his lips as he contemplated your adeptness at expressing your desires, though he couldn't entirely fault you for it. With the constant demands of dealing with the Harkonnens and managing CHOAM affairs, finding time for you had become more challenging than he and you had anticipated. 

Unlike his parents, whose marriage was purely political, Paul had chosen a different path, one where your presence held a significance beyond mere political alliances. For him, building a future within the confines of the Atreides' House with you by his side was a deeply personal and cherished desire. Material wealth could wait; what mattered most was the connection he shared with you. With a sigh, he reached out to gently caress your cheek, a silent acknowledgment of your correctness all along. Perhaps it was time to prioritize his own happiness, even if it meant putting paperwork aside momentarily. "Maybe you're onto something," he admitted, his voice softening. "Perhaps you’re right, perhaps it's time for me to take a break from the endless bureaucracy and spend some quality time together. After all, even I need to unwind–."

Paul's words carried a weight of remorse rarely heard, especially within the esteemed Atreides family. As he neared the end of his sentence, you leaned in swiftly, feeling the soft brush of his lips against yours in a lingering kiss. The longing shared between you both was palpable, though circumstances often made indulgence impractical, intensifying the desire even more. When Paul finally pulled away, he gently nibbled at your lower lip, a playful chuckle escaping him at the sudden surge of hunger between the two of you. There was an undeniable yearning to touch, caress, and love you. "Perhaps I'll request a day off," he murmured, his voice laced with a hint of promise. “Perhaps you will.” You both end up chuckling as he cups your face, his eyes gazing from your eyes to your lips. Paul confessed once more,

“And perhaps, we don't always have to use the excuse of happy accidents, so I can exile from paperwork every now and then.” 

[legacygirlingreen]

Topic: Sebastian and Solomon Sallow HCs

TW: mild discussion of abuse

It’s been almost a year in the fandom and I love seeing people continue to expand on the headcanon and lore surrounding these characters. The discussion of Solomon and his abusive tendencies comes up a lot towards his nephew. Beyond just the verbal - which we get a mild glance at paired with the elements told by Sebastian - one might can infer there’s more to the story.

Some people have proposed Sebastian possibly living in that shack (I can’t remember who exactly plus please feel free to tag and I’ll add them). Discussions of how physical the abuse is have happened in many locations.

As for why I love the HC of Solomon (forcibly) cutting Sebastian’s hair stems from the importance of hair in the time the game exists. Hair was an important aspect of home making - specifically with mothers to their children and fathers teaching their sons how to groom. Lack of parental figures that care can lead to those who seek to harm - thus why it makes sense in my brain for Solomon to do this.

Hair also played an important role between lovers - with things like hair locks being gifted by both genders to the other and rising to the use of lockets to hold locks of hair in a way to always keep that person close to your heart.

Sebastian frequently is shown in cut scenes scratching the back of his neck nervously, and while some people have the nervous tick of biting their nails this often one we see for him.

Solomon forcing unwanted appearances onto his nephew truly seems within the realm of possibility in my mind, especially when you consider the time period, the fact it truly looks so uneven in the game and he stays at a baseline upset with Solomon.

On the flip side Solomon could be seeing this as a means to help with comfortability during hot summers despite not enjoying the task. As far as Victorian standards go it was a task usually reserved for the woman of the house until a certain age. We don’t get any clues on if he had children of his own and suddenly going from a bachelor auror to having to take care of your brother’s children likely wasn’t a light adjustment. His frustration at the situation at times might’ve come out towards those kids, putting stops to things he might’ve found difficult to watch his brother allow when the Sallow’s were alive.

I could speak at length about this topic of how their relationship might’ve grown more and more strained with time but I digress.

Almost one year ago I wrote a fic expressing a possible way in which Solomon might’ve pushed that boundary of abusive behavior with his nephew is in aggressively cutting his hair . This lead me down a rabbit hole of jumping back in fandom. those who have stuck around since March of 2023 for the ride with over 250k words of Sebastian content across my main fic, mini fic and one shots : thank you💚

In the spirit of this I would LOVE to hear any further ideas on this head cannon so if you have some please feel free to comment, dm or put it in my ask box! I love hearing your theories! Especially when it comes to the interesting relationship between Solomon and Sebastian.

Since then it’s been wonderful to watch this head canon grow:

@writing-intheundercroft has furthered it by suggesting that the reason it looks so terrible is sheep shears - which utterly cracks me up in ways I cannot express !

@mrsbrookemunson also wrote a one shot tackling the same concepts and you can find it here:

And if you’re interested in my work it’s here:

Anywho, this is a simple reminder that we can all share a lot of the same ideas and also expand on them in ways that bring us together as a collective and not divide. I’ve seen so much hate, accusatory behavior in the HL fandom the last few months and it’s growing tiresome. I love seeing how we can all share our thoughts and bring new and developing ideas to the same characters, creating our own lore which expands beyond the canon.

Again, I look forward to hearing others chime off on their thoughts on the matter. I know a lot of people have opinions of Solomon so please let me know 🤣

[outofangband]

@last-capy-hupping asked me about Fingolfin’s view of Maedhros after his rescue and how that relates to his views on former prisoners in general and as  this is something I’ve thought a lot about as their relationship is one of my favorites and the topic of former prisoners in Beleriand is also one of my favorites I had a lot of fun with this!

much more on that in the post angband tag!

cw: mentions of ableism/stigma towards trauma survivors and general discussion of trauma and torture

Maedhros and Fingolfin had a close if strained relationship in Valinor. Fingolfin was Maedhros’s favorite uncle, being only a young adult himself when Maedhros was born and for

But acting as a mediator between Fëanor and Fingolfin was exhausting and left everyone involved resenting everyone else. When Maedhros followed his father to Foremenos, he mostly broke off contact with his other family and he did not part on particularly good terms with his uncle.

And then Mithrim. Fingolfin is desperately relieved that his eldest son has returned alive to him

Maedhros in Fingolfin’s eyes had gone from an eager and curious child to an overly serious youth to a potential ally to Fëanor who wouldn’t speak to him. And now he lies in the bed the healers have made up, on the brink of death, emaciated and scarred.

I’ve written before about how unprecedented Maedhros’s condition and circumstances are for the Noldor at this time. They have not been in Beleriand long enough to have much experience with this part of the Enemy’s doings. Few Noldor have so far been confirmed captives in Angband let alone managed to escape (or been released)

But injuries inflicted from years of intentional neglect and abuse are different and the psychological implications are even less understood.

We know that a deep suspicion of former prisoners is held by the Noldor later on but it’s just beginning now. Most of what they know come from rumors and from the memories of the older of the returned Noldor who heard from their parents whispers of the horrors of Morgoth’s work in Beleriand, the ways he twisted elves sometimes into grotesque monsters and sometimes in ways no one could see from the outside.

Their Sindarin allies in Mithrim have shared stories of those who escaped the mines of Angband, who now wander, haunted and unsettled. Of the rumors of deaths and violence and betrayal that follow them. It is because of their allies that they are able to identify the thrall brand that marks Nelyafinwë’s skin.

I know I have an entire Masterlist for this topic but I must emphasize again the sheer weight of this trauma; for decades, Maedhros has been in a position where nothing was guaranteed to him, where he had no power or say or autonomy over anything. Food, water, sleep, relief from pain, privacy, the ability to move, everything depended on the whims of his captors.

The memory of Angband lives in the blood and bones. It does not let go just because you have left its walls.

Maedhros knocks a glass of water from a healer’s hand when they pause to check his bandages before offering it. In his mind he is refusing to play the cruel games that so often come when water is offered. He is refusing to allow access to water to be controlled by his keepers again. Of course this is not understood by Nolofinwë’s host. Maedhros is believed to be irrationally distraught at best and dangerous or violent at worst.

Maedhros shouts in an unfamiliar language while half asleep. He frequently seems to refuse to communicate at all. It does not yet occur to the Nolofinwëan host that his own language might have been forbidden to him or that simple words (“I am leaving the house”, “I would like to eat sooner, I am very hungry”, “Don’t do that”) have been absolutely meaningless to the point of obscurity for him.

Fingolfin in the beginning views Maedhros with uncertainty. Uncertainty that he will survive the night, uncertainty that he will walk again, uncertainty if his reappearance is a good tiding for his host. Uncertainty if his nephew is truly still there. He openly dismisses and condemns the more hostile rumors; those who claim Maedhros is now loyal to the enemy, that he lives only through the darkest magic of Angband, that he can never be trusted. These rumors will only cause further discord among his host

But privately? I think he wonders these things himself. He has almost no experience with trauma or injuries of this kind. Certainly the Grinding Ice was unimaginably traumatic and Fingolfin both saw and aided in gruesome but necessary medical procedures. But it’s a different kind of trauma

Neither him nor anyone else truly knows what to expect

And that’s without the added tension of the old feud with Fëanor and the lingering anger over the betrayal that led to so many deaths on the ice. 

I think Fingolfin is not at all an innately callous person but he is a shrewd one. It does not escape his mind that the presence of Maedhros in his camp is a profound factor that can be used in potential negotiations with the Fëanorian host

Fingolfin would never deprive Maedhros of medical care or see him harmed or neglected or anything. Ideally to Fingolfin Maedhros need not ever know his position had any ulterior motives (certainly, Maedhros is already intensely suspicious of each kindness he receives in Mithrim as is typical of former prisoners). But if his position could be used to gain leverage with the Fëanorian host…he is glad it does not come to that. 

Fingolfin does feel compassion for Maedhros of course. He sits with him often while he’s still unable to leave his bed. He’s extremely supportive of Maedhros during his relearning walking, writing and fighting. But I think there’s an imbalance in their relationship here that Maedhros is acutely aware of and it’s not until Maedhros is able to return to living spaces of his own that he can build a stronger bond with his uncle.

Fingolfin does also question Maedhros about Angband when Maedhros agrees to submit to questions. This likely exacerbates the tension at least at first rather than bringing them closer. 

The sessions of questioning are long, exhausting and uncomfortable; fragments of practical knowledge that must be extracted from decades of horror. Maedhros is perhaps too eager to prove himself, to be of use in the fight against Morgoth and to show that he hides nothing. Fingolfin is perhaps too eager to be doing anything that gets him closer to a real plan

Later Fingolfin and Maedhros form a powerful alliance and friendship but in those first months and even years after his rescue, their relationship is tenuous. Because of Fingolfin’s questioning and Maedhros’s testimony and Fingolfin’s presence in those early days after his rescue, Fingolfin knows more context to seemingly casual references or phrases by Maedhros, knows to look further where others might not and definitely don’t want to. 

Maedhros is also at times uncomfortably conscious of just how much Fingolfin knows.

(Maedhros’s knowledge of Angband as both a horror and a weapon is something I love to talk about if anyone has any questions! or about anything!)

Also in my au where Maedhros is not rescued until the end of the war of wrath, re-embodied Fingolfin is one of his first visitors and advocates.

[alpaca-clouds]

We kinda look at history wrong

(And school is to blame.)

Building a bit on the historical apocalypse post I wrote. I think, we really make a big mistake in the way we look at history. And that big mistake is looking at the history in defined epoches. Like: 500-1500 in Europe was the middle ages. Ancient Rome lasted from 600BC till 500AD. And Ancient Egypt lasted from 4000 BC till around 300 BC. Stuff like that.

Why do I think this is a mistake? Well, basically because it groups things into "one thing" that are not "one thing".

Do you remember when Assassin's Creed Origin came out? All the Egyptologists would keep telling the people that in fact the pyramids have been build longer ago from the main character's perspective, then the fictional story in the game lay before our current perspective. The Egypt of the game very much is not the Egypt those pyramids were build in. Because literal thousands of years of time had passed in between. The culture developed and changed in between. Ancient Egypt is not one monolith, but like... I honestly do not have the words for it.

Certainly. Technology had not shifted as massively, as it did in those last 100 years from our perspective. But it had shifted a lot. It is to assume that language, too, has shifted a ton in between, even though it is hard for us to know how much. Because we have obviously no audio recordings. We know that the writing system changed a lot. But until someone invents a time machine...

This is as bad with the "middle ages". For several reasons. For one: Those were 1000 years. A lot of stuff happened and changed during those 1000 years. But also: When people say "middle ages" they tend to mean "Europe in the 1000 years between 500 and 1500 AD". At least that is what they think they mean. But what they tend to actually talk about it "England, France and Germany in that time", mostly because a lot of the mainstream research focuses on those areas, but also because we just happen to have more written records from those areas surviving till this day.

But I guarantee you: While technology wise the peasant in 11th century England might not have lived so very different from the peasant in 11th century Wallachia... Culturally they had a very different experience. And that is something that gets lost a lot.

And it really gets us in a ton of problems, when we speak about history. Especially when it comes to certain nerds, that are awfully obsessed with masculinity and whiteness, discussing those eras. Because they tend to often pick and choose something that fits their narrative and that happened somewhere in the 15th century and then just project it out onto the entire medieval period, ignoring any and all sources that actually show things were different at other places and times during the period.

One of my favorite less political things that are brought up again and again is the misconception of "medieval people did not bathe". Which is just plain wrong. Medieval Europe had in fact a very elaborate bathing culture with bath houses, that kept the water heated - at times still using technologies that had survived from Roman times. But... when the plague came again and again, people realized that those, who frequented the bath houses were more likely to catch the plague. And because they did not understand bacteria and such, they assumed that it had something to do with the bathing. So bit by bit in the late medieval period bath houses fell out of fashion and people instead washed at home - often with a cloth. Which did not make them unclean. Just not bathed.

And all of that is without going into the entire idea of history somehow being linear... Which I think I will save for another time.

What I want to say, though, is... A lot happens within 1000 years. And while there are certain reasons that history is grouped into those epoches for study, teaching it just straight like that kinda does the whole topic no justice. Folks need to understand that those epoches are just convenient ways to group history together - but that within those epoches a lot happened and changed.

[ro-reflects]

Finally Introducing Myself to The World With a Blog (๑˃̵ᴗ˂̵)

"What's the purpose of this blog?"

I created this blog to hopefully motivate me to start writing again. Whether that be short stories, journaling, or something new to me like headcanons or fanfiction—I want to tap into my creativity again.

"Who are you?"

My online name is Ro; I go by he/him pronouns, I'm demisexual and a trans male. I've figured a lot about myself due to my hunger for knowledge, but there's still more to discover. Part of me still doesn't know who I am. Would you like to stick around and discover with me?

"What are you into? Any fandoms you enjoy?"

Yes! Sit down, because this is long. (sorry in advance)

Shows I enjoy; Gravity Falls, Madoka Magica, Bungou Stray Dogs, Jujutsu Kaisen (need to watch it more), Black Butler, Digital Circus and Murder Drones, Orhan Highschool Host Club (is that how it's spelt?), Blue Exorcist, Helluva Boss, Mandela Catalog, The Boiled One, The Backrooms, The Rolling Giant, Local 58, GREYLOCK, etc.

Games I enjoy; Obey Me! and Obey Me! Nightbringer, Blooming Panic, Roblox, FAITH: The Unholy Trinity, Mushroom Oasis, Twisted Wonderland, Dead Plate, Project Sekai, Honkai: Star Rail, Soundmap, etc.

Music Artists I frequently listen to; Poppy, Ashnikko, Billie Eilish, LuLuYam, Jazmin Bean, Megan Thee Stallion, Kendrick Lamar, Chappell Roan, Elita, MARINA, Bo Burnham, Sofia Isella, Charli xcx, Hatsune Miku, Night Club, Green Day, etc.

Topics I enjoy learning about / discussing; The meaning of life, spirituality, human design, astrology, numerology, tarot, paganism, architecture, analog horror, liminal spaces, the cosmos, psychology, philosophies, etc.

"Who do you NOT want interacting with your blog?"

(Keep in mind that my DNI list contains everything here and more. There will be updates and additions if needed.)

Please DNI if you

Are; ableist, anti-feminist, sexist, or racist

Are; homophobic, or transphobic

Are; on the far-right side of the political spectrum / support trump, pro-life / anti-abortion, and anything else in that circle

Enjoy; loli content, proshipping, and anything else in that circle

Plan to ask me about; drugs, drinking, politics, etc.

Are; a blank account (no blog name or no pfp)

"What's the spiritual side of you? Do you practice anything? Are you interested in doing so?"

At this moment, I don't practice anything. But I'm very interested in pagan practices atm.

In Astrology, I am a Virgo sun, Cancer moon, and Aries rising.

On a more detailed level, here is my chart:

This is my reading from this website!

In human design; I am a Manifesting Generator.

Got my chart at this website!

If you made it this far, THANK YOU! ╰(*´︶`*)╯

It means a lot to me that you took time out of your day to read up about me—some guy behind a screen.

Send me an ask about any questions you have; topics you want to nerd out about to someone, fun facts you've learnt, fanfiction or headcannon requests about fandoms I'm in (I'll try my best to make them atleast readable—I'll probably be very nervous LOL), something you need to vent about, how your day went, anything!

I'd love to meet the kind person who read my introduction（╹◡╹）♡

time taken: 2hr +

[imjustabeanie]

hi there! this is for the matchup trade. i'd like to request a twisted wonderland matchup. please do not match me with the first years. my info is as follows: pronouns: she/her/they/them personality indicators: intj 5w4 ; melancholic-choleric signs: pisces sun / taurus rising / taurus moon hogwarts house: ravenclaw alignment: neutral good alignment

personality: studious, business-minded, tech-savvy, a little bit of a perfectionist, tends to overwork, stubbornly independent, calm and composed, intimidating at first glance (according to colleagues), reserved and extremely introverted, protective to loved ones, obedient and respectful to authorities but will not hesitate to call them out if necessary, blunt, idealistic, highly organised, loves to play video games or read and write books on spare time, passionate, tends to sing alone only when in the mood, drawn to mysterious, historical, gothic, and horror subjects

hobbies + likes: researching abandoned and haunted places, writing, reading, exams, stationery, business-related topics (esp finance), coffee shops, bookstores and libraries, electronic shops, technology, video games, dark royalty / dark academia aesthetic, classical literature, classical music, detective/crime/mystery/horror stories (esp. from 19th century), cats, history, listening and belting out to musicals when alone, greek mythology

dislikes: bugs, studying repetitive subjects without gaining new knowledge, failure to meet own expectations, unnecessary change

fashion choices: gothic, elegant, classic, vintage, and formal fashion styles

partner preference: someone gentle yet authoritative, smart/highly intelligent and has a lot of knowledge generally or on a certain subject

that's all, thank you!

Hi! As you know I've been having problems with tumblr for some reasons 🫠

About my matchup, here is my description link. Just....not leona or ruggie lol...

Here is your matchup! Enjoy!

I hesitated a lot between Vil and Jamil before finally settling on….Vil! Riddle was also considered lol. I didn’t choose Jamil because he’s too sly and secretive (hypocrite of me I know). He has very high standards and his character definitely isn’t for the weak. But you two would make a good match.

How you met: Okay, you two had a group project together. Since you’re both perfectionist and ambitious, you’d butt head a lot. He’d make snide remarks about your appearance and of course you’d retort. But in the end, you both make very good work together. In the start, you’d just be study buddies. But then he’d start giving you skin care and general appearance advices. Slowly you’d get to know each other’s and despite the difference in interests, you’re both eager to learn new skills. He’d keep up with you when talking about technology and business and would ask questions! Perhaps you could even propose some props for the movie club. He’s definitely knowledgeable on books and would gladly discuss them with you. This would take time as you’re an introvert and you don’t have much in common. But in the end, if you see him for who he is and treat him nicely, you can definitely tell that he’s softer on you than the rest. He’s gonna be annoyingly strict but it’s his way of showing that he cares. Your frequent appearance in his daily life (and perhaps rooks teasing) will prompt him to suddenly ask you out on a friendly movie date. Spoiler alert, he’s gonna criticize the whole movie.

In a relationship: Both of you will learn a lot from each other. You’ll learn a lot of insides about the entertainment industry. He’ll also push you to always look your best so I hope you’re not too sensitive. Because he’s as if not more blunt then you. The truth is his way of caring. He loves that you’re organized, ambitious, studious and a perfectionist. Because it means you always strive to do better just like him. He enjoys hearing you sing and will personally coach you if you want. I think that with you, he’d also learn to loosen up and enjoy a good game. Your hunger for knowledge is nice and he’d often give you books he thinks you’d enjoy. If you were to ramble about history he’d be here to listen. I can just imagine him doing a mask or make up and you passionately talking. He’ll definitely have a soft smile on his face at this moment. For your aesthetic, he’d make the effort to find fitting outfits for both of you. Vil is the to go to guy concerning fashion. He can easily switch or fuse them. I can imagine both of you trying out different combinaisons (and rook taking sneaky pictures). Vil isn’t much for horror or mystery but will make the effort for you. Everyone enjoys a good true crime, but excessive gore isn’t his thing. He’s more in refined crimes if we can say that. Good luck convincing him to get a cat, he’d fear for his looks lol. Him caring about you and loving you is shown in his effort to share your hobbies. He’d also take you on expensive dates and show you his world. It will take him time to open up with you, but you can expect a loving and long relationship if you get past the struggles. Getting with him will direct the paparazzi and his fans on you. He’ll try to hide you at first (it can spark arguments depending on your character), but it will get discovered eventually. His fans will make very good comments. The pressure can be too much with someone like him, even when he defends you and insults your bullies. If you get past this and can handle it will be a very loving relationship. The power couple lol. He’ll even take you to some of his shootings and always expect your critics and compliments on his roles. To him, you’re his muse even if it takes him time to admit it.

[librarycards]

do you have any examples of/advice about those relational needs discussions you mentioned in your answer to the anon asking about therapy alternatives? that’s such a fantastic idea, but i don’t think i’d know how to even begin to structure that kind of talk. thank you! :)

yes! to begin, i really recommend dedicating some time to play some kind of conversation game, or q/a convo. you can get a lot of conversation cards of different styles and genres to start the process, but what i've done with some people is also just keep a list of things you want to ask them about or topics to try. these can be completely random and as silly as you want. often, they can lead to an opportunity to talk about a need or boundary, and can feel less awkward than asking directly.

it can also help to start with a quiz. it's super corny, but taking something like the love language test together and sharing your results can flow naturally in a conversation about what you're capable of providing for / need from each other. the way myself and my lov/qpp @estuarry went about this as teenagers (not knowing what this was, just kinda Feeling It Out) was taking mbti tests and talking about astrology. having a predefined list of characteristics that you might identify with can make it easier to be honest and precise about what you need. saying, like, "i'm really an introvert" means/meant a way to communicate: "when i need time away from you/everyone, it means i'm resting - i love you / don't disturb me rn". the result might be something about not expecting long visits/phone calls, or visiting with each other less frequently.

i tell most of my close friends and partners, and put in all boundaries agreements, that i'll always read and respond to their texts in full, but it will almost certainly take a while. there's only like 4 people on earth who could call/text whenever and always have me pick up. i say, "i can't be around all that noise, i can't go to your party." when i'm staying in someone's house for the first time, i might say that i need to sleep in a different bed. another common one is when people tell their partners where and where not to touch - the conversation might be me saying, you can touch my chest, ask about this part, but don't touch this part.

these documents (verbal or textual!) are going to grow as people/relationships do, and will be pieced out throughout your time together. but you can def start by finding some outside way of organizing your knowledge about each other!

[ae-neon]

After so long here's Nesta Archeron on the Continent in the ACOTAR Moscow!!

Nesta x (half human half fae) human rights advocate Dmitri

[Idk if it's canon but in my head the Continent is definitely more socially mixed with humans and Fae living along side each other]

Nesta on a transcontinental steam train. Sleepily watching through the window as the snowy wilderness passes by. Brown leather seats and the smell of black coffee.

She has an elderly human from Prythian as a neighbour and Nesta writes all her letters for her since they speak the same language. The woman has three cats. Henry, Tabitha and Maude. Through this woman she meets Dmitri.

He is an eccentric half human half Fae who smokes too much. He runs an organisation that provides free help to humans and 'lesser' Fae seeking legal assistance in misuse of magic cases.

Nesta and Dmitri clash sometimes but not enough to ever impact their work. At first Nesta is only there because she writes fast but her efficiency and ability to quickly pick up on complex topics helps gain Dmitri's trust.

He explains things to her, sometimes writes out notes, eventually hands her books and pamphlets. It's not as fun as her romance novels but it's new and it helps ground her in her new world. In Prythian, she'd been pushed into her new world then made to work and train without any real mental adjustment.

But through Dmitri's work Nesta understands both human and Fae better. She adjusts, settles and things start to feel right.

He sometimes sends Nesta to lectures and conferences he insists he's too busy to attend, asking her to take note and relay to him. The frequent attendees start to take notice of her and at first they greet, friendly enough, but soon she's roped into questions and discussions.

Eventually a now familiar group invite her to lunch, then to the houses of some of the local speakers, to evening drinks and even a half hidden restaurant that seems to act more like a debate space than anything else.

Sometimes it's too much but Nesta finds herself engrossed in new ideas and expanding her mind. Sometimes she doesn't quite now how to counter arguments without revealing things she'd rather not about her life as a once human now fae.

But she's one of the youngest fae in almost every setting so everyone gives her grace, even when she doesn't want it. It feels strange to be acknowledged as young, something she hadn't been even as a human child, and brought into strange perspective her life in Velaris - Feyre's rush to seem on level with her 500 year old husband and friends.

A part of Nesta wants to write to her sisters - it's been 4 years since she left a note and boarded a ship after receiving that horrible ultimatum - but she isn't quite ready yet.

Eventually, she tells Dmitri about who and what she is. It isn't easy. Neither of them are especially vulnerable people and in Prythian almost everyone knows anyways but once she tells him it becomes easier to tell others.

It changes some things, the way some people look at her. Less like a child. Nesta doesn't mind. There's an upscale in some of the evening dinners and parties she's invited to. But she slides into those roles easily enough - getting Dmitri in so he can strongarm officials and influential names of the upper echelons.

She finally feels herself slip into the rhythm of the city. Horse carriage rides and wine parties, art exhibitions and long nights pouring over cases, her favourite cafe where she goes to be alone and watch people pass by on the street, chess games with Dmitri.

Winter was never her favourite time of year but here she finds things to look forward to. Moving ice sculptures and the laughter of children having snowball fights in the park. Cups and cups of coffee, hot chocolate and tea.

Eventually, she helps draft a policy that protects humans against fae glamouring as violation of their autonomous rights. Nesta writes to the Summer, Dawn, Day and Night Courts on including the policy in the laws on the protection of humans in Prythian and pressuring the other courts to do the same.

She, Dmitri and a few are invited back to the Summer and Day Courts to speak on and further help with the integration of the new policy.

Edit: I just realised Dmitri is kinda my first OC ?? It's kinda exciting ☺️

[thestudentfarmer]

February 13 2023

Hello hello everyone!

Today's post I figured I'd do something a lil different!

I'm gonna talk bout chickens!

Mostly cause I've heard a lot of folk talking about getting them recently and since I've had em awhile maybe give some info folks might find helpful in the decisions on if chickens (or other feathered flocks) might be a ya or nay~

⚠️BE WARNED ⚠️ ⚠️ LONG POST⚠️⚠️ CW

Discussion of topics some may be sensitive to. mention of death/processing/butchering of animals that is associated with keeping animals for homesteading purposes.

🐥The first and foremost I tell everyone, check into why you want them. I have chickens primarily for eggs and composting purposes. I get free pest control as a side benefit. Meat purposes are mostly secondary for me. I tend to go for a mixed variety of duel purpose breeds (meat and eggs).

🐥Second, research into them.

Breed, ability to survive in your area. How big they'll get, noise level. What kind of feed will you be looking to give them? What sort of shelter/housing will you have for them. Do you need to have a vet? (If so, where is your vet?) What kind of chicken is best for the purpose you want them for? Are u getting chicks? Pullets? Adults? How much do they need to eat? Drink?

If you get them for eating how are you getting that done? Self processing and butcher? A processor/butcher shop? (Also what about the by products? Feathers, feet, heads, organs?)

If they get sick or are doing poorly and they need to be dispatched, how are you doing that?

If you get chicks and end up with mostly roosters, what's your plan?.

I bring up the last few because many who get into them for homesteading/farming/self sufficiency sometimes don't think about those things ahead of time. I didn't right away and have had to deal with all 3 situations.

On an equally important note: what if you get them and don't end up wanting to keep them or find you can't do or keep up with their care? Chickens and other homesteading animals aren't generally kept as pets and can be difficult to "adopt out" in urban/inner-city areas. (Alternatively, if you have kids there might be more questions and situations.)

🐥🐥 Make sure you check that your allowed to keep chickens where your at

For me, that meant checking my state, city and municipality rules. If you live in an hoa or similar you'll need to check that out too.

Now you may be told no, their not allowed. If you really want to keep birds for meat or eggs see about quails. Many places don't have rules against them and they can be kept in cages indoors. Be sure to check the legality of doing so in your state especially as some quail breeds are illegal. ( where im at bobwhites you need a game permit, courtinex are fine though.) Or ducks. Same as the research with chickens tho, and I suggest a good pond filtration or thay you don't mind changing pond water frequently.

🐥🐥🐥Make sure you have shelters, runs and other supplies ready BEFORE you get your birds. Feed, lights, wateres, feed trays, nest boxes, perchs, bedding, vitamins/electrolytes, etc

🐥get your eggs, chicks, pullets, adults and enjoy!

Also Google and chicken forums can be excellent resources!

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I like to get chicks and start them off in a big pond tub/ kiddie pool like container something that will be big enough for them to run around in that let's them decide how close to the lamp heat they get.

My last batch of chicks, their always so darn cute!

For chicks,

🌱 Be sure to have a non tipable waterer. I suggest on a rock and as far away from the heater lamp as possible. The water can get pretty hot otherwise and chicks do not like hot water much. Be sure to clean this twice a day or more as they will track bedding into the water. As they get older either a larger waterer is needed or more frequent fills

🌱A heater lamp, a cardboard box or other object so they can hide away from the heater lamp. I like to place my waterer on the other side of this spot too and make it about half the container. Chicks need a warm spot and cool, generally they need a larger warm spot but always be sure there's plenty of cool down room.

🌱A low bowl or plate to put chick gravel and their feed. Chick starter and gravel can usually be found at farm stores and some pet stores, same as adult feed, though the selection will be a lot smaller than a feed store. They will kick the feed and rocks everywhere as a heads up. Check a few times a day to make sure they have feed and the lil chick gravel available. Food should always be available to your chicks at this point

🌱a space to keep the chicks in.

I personally use a hard pond tub thing. And a cover. I use old window screen and clip it down. This is to keep them safe from popcorning or hopping out as they get older and to keep things out of their coop. When I've no chicks I use it to mix potting soil and the screen to cover seeded rows.

Time: Be aware, chicks become chickens fast. They don't start laying eggs until around 6 months of age.

They will outgrow the chick pen faster than you think as well, so make sure you have their adult housing before you get them.

Minimally You will need waterers, feed tray, roost space, nest box and a run for pullets and adults.

This pic was a few months before most started laying. I have an enclosed run & hutch and give them 'free range' of my yard most the day. I do live in a neighbourhood, less than a 1/4 acre I believe. Most neighbours don't mind so long as the birds are kept clean, quietish and don't hop fences/escape. Some breeds that'll mean enclosures their whole life or clipping wings feathers and small time frames where you remain out with them while they wander the whole yard.

Either way, be aware they do get bored and enrichment makes their life better. Here's some things I do...

I like to lay out boards on the lawn and flip em over every so often. They love the bugs and sometimes will stand by and "scream cluck" until I flip the board.

"Chicken ball" I hang from a post or the roof of the run a cabbage/caulifloer/lettuce/leafy ball and let em hop to pick it. Please be aware, don't leave hang nooses to tie the ball. Chickens can and do get stuck. I found using a big hook screw and screwing the "ball" to hang down best. Make sure your birds CAN NOT get the screw in their beaks.

I take the bedding chips I use for the chick pen and the roost/hutch and sweep them into the run both for cleanliness and enrichment to scratch in. kitchen and garden scraps are added as well to supplement feed. When it's time to change out/clean the bedding. I rake everything up and toss it in piles in the yard. The chickens will tear it apart looking for bugs. We'll rake it all back up 1-2 times a week and let them repeat till it's gone entirely. We've not had issues with it but if pests or smells are an issue clean pen and run as often and disposed of as needed. Be a nice neighbor.

A water source like a shallow pond of kiddie pool. It gets hot where im at so I have a few ponds. I'll put mint, herbs, ice cubes, small feeder fish inside. (Not all at the same time, not making a potion or soup lol) they'll drink from the ponds, hang around them to keep cool and pick at the stuff inside or go swimming so to speak. Some chickens eat the fish (if not I do have ducks too, the feeder fish never remain more than a few hours max) sometimes I leave the pond empty and dump crickets or mealworms inside. The chickens favorite! There is never any leftovers and it very fun to feed them from your hand occasionally.

A sand spot, or soft sandy spot. Chickens dust bath to keep clean of mites and other pests. They may not use your selected spot. It's just best to let them chicken on in their elected spot awhile and then fill it in and cover it for a few weeks. They'll find another spot.

Yard/lawn clipping, garden maintenance, kitchen scraps.

Always check your chickens can eat anything you give them. Generally they can eat just about everything. Though they may not want to.

From yesterday when i was trimming the ducks area. These gals are a laying well at this time of year (in a few months that'll sadly change)

Some notes, for adults you will want to have calcium. That can be satisfied a few ways. Commonly that means Oyster shell or egg shell. Crushed Oyster shell can be got at feed/farm/tractor stores. If you do use egg shells be sure the shells are boiled (to wash/sanitize) drained, dried and slightly crushed before being supplied. To supply, you can mix in food, toss out in the run areas or just have an extra bowl of it. They'll find it as they need it.

Sometimes the girls need extra protien. Yes, chickens are not vegan. To do their best They need a omnivore diet. You can cook up their eggs and feed them back if you want, always cook the eggs and serve shells/egg seperate. This helps prevent egg eaters in your flock. Give them mealworms, crickets, bugs (dead or alive, just be sure not to introduce invasive species to your area.)

Fresh greens, I like to do this more than grains if possible. But if only occasionally given that's fine too, again be sure to check its not toxic for them.

That's my quick n dirty notes and tips for chickens.

🐥🌱Happy critter keeping and homesteading to all🌱🐥

[beanthebugboi]

Ok, so we're doing this (intro post)

(Yes, that's a Ten Duel Commandments reference lol)

- About me -

Hello! My name is Bean, and I use any pronouns, including neos! I'm genderfluid, biromantic, demiromantic, and asexual. I'm also a therian/otherkin (spotted hyena, squirrel, and gryphon), I'm happy to answer any questions about that but please be respectful!

- Favorites -

Books/series: Gearbreakers (Zoe Hana Mikuta), The Athena Club (Theodora Goss), A Darker Shade of Magic (V. E. Schwab), Hunger Games (Suzanne Collins)

Movies/shows: Princess Bride, Helluva/Hazbin, Good Omens, Pirates of the Caribbean, FNAF, Owl House, The Amazing Digital Circus, Gravity Falls, Hamilton, Series of Unfortunate Events, Night at the Museum, Alice in Wonderland (2010)

Music: Will Wood, Mother Mother, NOAHFINNCE, IDKHOW, Poor Man's Poison, Hozier, cavetown, the Hamilton soundtrack

Youtubers: One Topic, Jammidodger, The Click, Clawed_Beauty101, Nightcove_thefox, dannyphantom.exe, KallMeKris, Markiplier, Ashur Gharavi, Let's Game It Out, TheLexikitty, Neffertity

Other: FNAF, The World of Mr Plant, Welcome Home, Sally Face, bugs (especially moths, beetles, and weevils)

Characters: Sun/Moon (fnaf), Fizzarolli (HB), Sir Pentious (HH), Argos (TWOMP), Hunter (TOH), Raine (TOH), Steve (TOH), Wally (WH)

- Extra stuff -

Tonetags are appreciated! I'm bad at reading tone lol /lh /gen

I'm a furry! It is NOT a s3xual thing- for me, it's about character design, cosplay, and self-expression :) I might do some free 'sona adopts eventually, let me know if you're interested and I'll tag you!

I'm a witch! Well, I'm trying to learn witchcraft, anyway. I'd describe myself as an eclectic witch with a focus on green witchcraft, as well as some divination (such as tarot). Any suggestions/advice are appreciated!

DNI: Homophobic/transphobic, anti-therian (unless you're willing to learn and have a civil discussion!), racist/sexist, transid (RCTA/"trans-abled"/"MAP"/etc)

Please do not PM me if you're an adult! I'm very uncomfortable with that. Asks are okay, though. /srs

Reminders to drink water are greatly appreciated. Reminders to get enough sleep will probably just be ignored. /lh /hj

This blog is a safe space for all my fellow weirdos. Feel free to PM me (as long as you're not an adult, ofc), ramble about your day, infodump (seriously, I love hearing people talk about things that interest them /gen), even just say hi! Please ask before venting, I'll usually say yes but sometimes I'm not in the right headspace to listen/help :)

- My tags -

bean answers - asks answered

bean reblogs - reblogging stuff

bean draws sometimes - actual art

monarch of cursed art - cursed art (including original and reblogs)

bean's editing projects - photoshop (usually cursed)

gonna try this later - tips & tricks, often for art/writing (I'm only able to remember this bc I have a pinterest board with the same name lol)

bean's thoughts - journal post that I forgot to update for a couple weeks lol

dearest sibling <3 - tag for @monarchofthequeerpotatoes

2qwreb - tag for @forest-fairy-wren

uwunicorn - tag for @sarkylittlemonster

sparkles !! ✨ - tag for @sparklywafflefry

sage !! 🌱 - tag for @s4ge-s4ge-s4ge

Other frequent tags include will wood, hyena therian, squirrel therian, gryphonkin, ineffable husbands, bugs are cool, and cool art

That's all for now, Bean out! <3

USERBOXES AND MORE :D (will continue to update)

Flag credit to @onetimemacaroni

[teachwearlive]

Moral Obligation

Dress-up is an activity that most kids partake in in-between playing house by strolling around with a plastic baby, and playing teacher with their friends. They grade papers with scribbles written on them, and they sometimes wear glasses to match the image they have of a teacher figure. These games are a huge part of childhood and trickle through to what we want when we’re adults. I can attest to this because I was someone who liked to grade fake papers when I was 7, and I loved to dress up. I noticed what my teachers wore and how fashion has evolved for them through the years. I was a student then, and now as someone who is going to become a teacher, it’s helpful to remember how my school experience was. I have a good idea of what kind of impact I’ll have on my students. I don’t know what brands my elementary school teacher wore, it probably didn’t line up with the stores I shopped at, like Limited Too. For all I know, they could have thrifted, sewn their own clothes, and/or shopped completely sustainably and I would have no clue. There was no space in the lesson planning for this sort of conversation. In the year 2023 though, I have to ask why not? 

Mohammad Kashem has done a study on the importance of fashion in the classroom. They bring up a great point, “though irrelevant, the impression of dress might get admiration from colleagues, staff and even outsiders. An individuals personality can be revealed through appearance. Choice in clothing can communicate responsibility, status, power and the ability to be successful. In students judgements, teachers formal dress represents competency”. Teachers are judged immediately by how they present themselves, With respect to dress, teacher credibility comprises three components like believability, trustworthiness, and goodwill” (Kashem). I will admit that even now, when I sit for class I notice the effort my professors put into their outfits to look professional. I currently observe an elementary school classroom and see teachers choices on a daily basis, if they’ve put effort in to what they wear. After taking a sustainable fashion class I also now ask myself where they got their clothes. The second grade class I observe admires their teacher greatly, everything she says is gospel. I look at this classroom of 7 years olds be impacted by their teachers words, and then myself, in college curious about my professors fashion choices, and have concluded that no matter where you are in the education system, your students will always be curious about you. They like to know about the person they spend an incredible amount of time with. I remember when I was in elementary school and one of my teachers was pregnant, it was a celebration. The same goes when a teacher gets engaged, moves away, or is even absent for a single day. The students care a lot, they want all the details on their teacher whether they’re 7, 17 or 27. Life outside of the curriculum is a subject frequently, so it makes sense that a huge topic like fashion is discussed at some point in time. 

If my elementary, middle or high school teachers discussed making their own clothes or went to a cool, new thrift shop, I might have seriously considered following in their footsteps. As Kashem has said, “In fine, from moral obligation, the teachers active role both in and outside of the classroom is necessarily inspiring toward goal achievement of students”. There is a place for sustainable fashion discussions in the classroom. Often, I have heard students compliment their teacher's outfit, “I like your outfit Mrs. ____”, it is a subtitle compliment that can end with a thank you, or it can make a statement. I hope my blog can guide you on how to make environmentally friendly choices, and when to express your decision making process with your students. There’s so many directions to go with it. Not moving forward with sustainable choices, ultimately means halting the future generations decision to join in. 

Ref: Mohammad Abul Kashem, "The Effect of Teachers’ Dress on Students’ Attitude and Students’ Learning: Higher Education View", Education Research International, vol. 2019, Article ID 9010589, 7 pages, 2019. https://doi.org/10.1155/2019/9010589

[thelovelybitten]

Abt to rant… prepare thyself for a STORY (pls read it it’s a goodie !!) (cw: shipping, comics) (tw: depression, anxiety, hard childhood topics)

my parents got divorced when I was about 5 years old. Not only that but i got taken from my mother due to her schizophrenia when I was 10, as she was unfit to take care of me. The only thing I remembered in my time living with her was being gifted for my 8th birthday a rose gold nintendo ds and Sonic Rush. I played the HELL out of that game. Tbh I still do HAHA. Little me needed that little escape when my mother wasn’t around due to her many sexual suitors that frequented the apartment.

I begged my mom to buy me the comics every time we were at Safeway. This was around the time the first edition of Sonic Universe came out, and I was hooked ever since. Especially with Blaze. My MF daughter. Didn’t help that when I first played through Sonic Rush, I kept asking myself: why did Sonic and Blaze not end up together? WHAT WAS THE LITTLE “this is something from me” and her little “…”???? I was so annoyed. My little sister was 6, and we would surf the internet for reasons why and we found ourselves on a Sonamy forum of some sort. She was avid they were soulmates, so we played the earlier games anytime we were at the hospital and tried to get a new console (but to no avail.)

Fast forward to foster homes: I used sonic as a coping mechanism to get away from my Foster parents. They treated my sister like a golden child since she grew out of it while I was always ridiculed. Picked on for being the oldest but still acting a child. I was sick of taking care of my sister and wanted to be more than just a caregiver. I wanted to like my own things. 11 year old me still bought the comics with change I’d find around the house, and I’d purposely wake up at the ass crack of dawn to watch Sonic X on 4kids TV. (Usually at 5:30-6:00 AM LMAO) I didn’t care they were reruns. I just grew more attached to Sonic along with the rest of the characters I met throughout the series.

I vividly remember crying in the one episode where Sonic & Chris first meet (I think?) I remember a pool. No reason. Just because I had never made a friend ever and I just wanted to be free like Sonic was. I was too busy taking care of my sister to even get social interaction. That was, until I started junior high/middle school and made a friend who liked Sonic too. He’d proof read my fanfictions, see my edits, but also educate me on the games during History/Social Studies block. it was great. But we got bullied for liking them by the school population, especially me, who was a girl and would never understand video games. I even got ridiculed for SLAYING in the Smash Bros Tournaments and Mario Kart Tourneys. For that, I shut everyone out because of it. AINT no one taking Sonic away from me.

I’m 24 now. And I could give less of a damn of being made fun of. I will ride and die on this hill. I love him and the franchise as a whole. I still edit. I still ship Sonaze and will until my last breath. I still read the comics. I play the games. Get into ship discussions. Get into lore discussions. Watch LP’s.

Sonic has been the only consistent thing in my life. I’m so glad I never gave him up.

literally insane how this franchise went from being the butt of every joke on the internet to where we are now. like if you were online in the latter half of the 2010’s, i know you know what i’m talking about— you could just say “sonic the hedgehog” and that’s it, that was the punchline. it was like the lowest common denominator of internet humor but it was everywhere. the prevailing stance was that these games were bad, and if you like them, you should feel bad. and to be fair, those games were, sometimes, very bad, and with each new installment it looked less and less likely that they were ever gonna be good again. and now we have two critically-acclaimed feature films with a third on the way, a netflix original series and the latest game installment is predicted to be the highest-grossing in franchise history. there’s something kind of meta about sonic— the guy, not the brand— being all about never giving up and not caring what people think, because i really feel like the reason we’ve gotten this far is because the people who love these games never stopped loving them, even when people decided it was cheugy or cringe or whatever. man

[youngbloodbuzz]

What are your fav YouTube channels in general? Do you have any recs for those?

oh yea for sure i definitely have some favourites. nuke's top 5 is already one of them I've watched every single video on there lmao but there's also

watched walker and wanderizm - both similar channels of the "walking city tour" genre that I put on to relax. both guys live in london and they go literally all over the place in the city, it's a wonderful way of seeing some place new and hearing life on the streets when you're stuck at home. there's so many channels like this in many cities that i def recommend

ur internet mom ash - reaction videos are also another favourite genre of mine, ash is hilarious and sweet with fantastic editing, I'll never forget her hill house and bly manor reactions

ZZAVID - another reactioner, except he's the gayest latino man on the planet with the dirtiest humour to ever exist. both him and ash truly have the best movies+sleepover vibes. i also frequently rewatch his videos

micarah tewers - how do i even begin to describe micarah...weird homeschool girl who makes "low budget costume/fashion tutorials" i say this in loose terms; she's incredibly talented and so fucking funny but her whole shtick is that her tutorials are very unusual and full of off topic rambling. she has a pet bird that she carries everywhere and once had her wisdom teeth removed and proceeded to film herself crying about the fact that she couldn't keep them and then pierced her own lip with a sewing needle while high as a kite on meds. i love her dearly

jenna marbles - self explanatory. god i miss her

julien - but also like i can't forget about best boi julen, jenna's fiance

unusual videos - unusual memes condescend into compilation videos every week. gr8 for a quick laugh to pass the time

taskmaster - british comedy panel show for free. the entire show. it's a comedic masterpiece of watching comedians perform insane demands

baumgartner restoration - both incredibly relaxing and also informative, long videos of a guy restoring damaged/old paintings

be kind rewind - incredibly fascinating documentaries about old hollywood actresses and films

drawfee - professional artists where they "take dumb ideas and turn them into dumber drawings" like drawing pokemon from memory or drawing disney characters as dark souls bosses

lindsay ellis - popular video essayist who reviewed, discussed, and broke down media to their essentials (unfortunately was run off the internet because the internet is terrible). her game of thrones essays are incredible but her duology of the omegaverse lawsuit is legendary

jenny nicholson - another popular video essayist who talks about and reviews garbage media in both a hilarious deadpan but also intelligent way. her takedown of the dear evan hansen movie is godly and yes i did spend 2.5 hours watching her explain the plot and lore of the vampire diaries

girlfriend reviews - wholesome couple makes videos about "what it's like to live with your boyfriend who plays video games." incredible editing, humour, and popular music with original lyrics, but also i respect them so much for their tlou2 video especially (which they unfortunately but predictably got a lot of hate for)

internet historian - what it says on the tin for the most part, a sorta satirical documentary channel but my god they way they do it is incredible. I've watched their "cost of concordia" video at least three times now and it's still not old at all. they've covered the disaster of fallout 76, no man's sky (which was very enlightening), kony, and a satirical covering of area 51 for april fools which was.....indescribable and a must watch

jacob geller - incredible video essays on various themes in video games like fear of depths and haunted houses, horror oriented

shiey - guy backpacks across europe including riding on top of trains and sleeping on roofs to explore abandoned places. he's gone to chernobyl and free climbs so many high structures and has delved into so many bunkers, it's wild

screened - video essays about movies and their themes, and listing them from specific genres, some movies I've never even heard of

lessons from the screenplay - more video essays breaking down themes and scenes from movies

ok i might of........gone a bit overboard lmao

[thegardenchronicles]

Hi I understand thanks for your honest answers. On a side note, can you do Jupiter in 8th, Mars in 9th, Venus in 5th and Moon in 1st culture? I would LOVE your observations on these!

Thank you for this question. Sorry it took this long!

Disclaimer: I'm no professional, so take these with a grain of salt. The effects of these placements will change depending other aspects.

Please do not copy/plagiarize my work and do not repost without my permission.

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Jupiter in 8th

☆ the individual is constantly going through ego-deaths

☆ divinely appointed and frequent transformations

☆ protection and luck from evil forces and energies

☆ 8th house rules longevity and may indicate a long life

☆ psychic abilities may be heightened, intuition is very strong, usually good at reading people

☆ interest in learning topics that are taboo, may be interested in astrology, divination and witchcraft

☆ may find luck with lottery and games with financial rewards

Mars in 9th

☆ individual is constantly divided between the spiritual and physical world, constantly trying to find meaning and is great at discussing and philosophizing

☆ morals and ethics are very strong, hates other ideas being forced upon them, but is open-minded nonetheless

☆ gives an entrepreneurial spirit to the individual, will stop at nothing to get what they want, may be very good at business

☆ immensely idealistic, they think anything is possible if you work hard enough

☆ playful, blunt and to-the-point

☆ love learning new things, and will put to practice the things they have learnt

☆ the idea person, will make their opinions heard

☆ adventurous, always looking for new experiences

☆ the world is their oyester

Venus in 5th

☆ extremely creative individuals, beauty inspires them

☆ playful, charming, child-like, flirtatious

☆ loves being around people, loves love

☆ at their best when they are being creative, they feel useful

☆ loves being chased, can't be tied down

☆ extremely loyal individuals and extremely passionate when they open up

☆ joyful and cheerful, hearty laughs

☆ extremely intelligent, abstract thinking

Moon in 1st

☆ moon here finds difficult to stay hidden, the world sees its most intimate parts

☆ sensitive and emotional

☆ cares deeply for other people, but difficult to care for their own selves

☆ other people open up easily to them, they have a nurturing vibe about them

☆ soft and understanding, extremely empathetic

☆ expressive faces

☆ endearing individuals, heart over head

☆ strong intuitive abilities

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love, crystal 💮

[gotnofucks]

Golden Cage

Pairing: soft!dark!Andy Barber x Reader

Summary: You asked Andy to take your case and he asked for you to give yourself to him as payment. (18+ ONLY!!)

Words: 6.3k (lmao sorry)

WARNINGS: dub con, blackmail, coercion, possessive behavior, bad smut, slight angst. SPOILERS FOR DEFENDING JACOB!

A/N: Kinda blurred boundaries here.

MASTERLIST

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You needed more concealer or the only way you’d be going out in public would be with turtlenecks. Andy loved to leave marks on your neck and the rest of the body, and he hated you covering them up. The moment you would come back, the first thing he does is drag you to the bathroom to wipe the makeup off and bare your bruises to his eyes. They were marks of his ownership over you, and they reminded you both of the truth: You belonged to him.

Your life took a turn nearly a year ago when your brother was accused of third-degree murder of his colleague. The case was pretty much a public trial and the scandal rocked your world. Not only did your brother get arrested, but you lost your job too by means of association. You knew your brother was innocent, he would never hurt a fly let alone a human being. But try as you might, you couldn’t get a lawyer to represent him. That’s when Andrew Barber stepped into your life.

Having left prosecution and taking up defense cases, Andy and you met in the police station where you had gone for some information. You were filling a form talking to an aid, the only one who seemed to sympathize with you when Andy walked in. The lady had pointed at him and said, “If anyone could have won a case like yours, it would be him. As an ADA, Andrew Barber never lost a case and he carried that record as a defense lawyer too. But he’s very selective in his cases and well…expensive too”.

You had looked up and followed her gaze and words, a tiny spark of hope lighting in you. After you had hastily filled your form, you waited outside the station hoping you could catch Andy leaving and plead your case to him. When he came out, you waited until he reached his car to approach him.

“Excuse me, Mr. Barber?”, You said, twisting your fingers in the hem of your shirt. He turned to look at you in question.

“Yes?”

“Uh, my name is Y/n Y/l/n.” You said and Andy’s eye flashed with recognition of your last name.

“How can I help you Miss Y/l/n?” His voice had a tinge of pity because he knew what you were going through. He’d been through it himself and lost everything in that battle.

“I’m sure you’ve heard of my brother’s case Mr. Barber. I need all the help I can get. He’s innocent. I know he is innocent! Would you please help me?” You were ready to leave your dignity and kneel in front of him if you had to. Your brother was your whole world and you were ready to sacrifice everything for him.

Andy sighed. He looked at you silently before reaching into his pocket and handing you his card.

“Make an appointment for tomorrow, okay? I’ll see what I can do, but no promises. Bring all the files you have on the case and anything else that you think might be of help.”

You’d arrived at the appointment ladened with a huge box of papers. You were surprised when you were told to meet Andy at his house and not his office, but you saw no reason to complain. His house was huge and cozy, but recent changes were visible. Empty bolts on the wall showed recently removed pictures and you quickly recalled the story about the Barber’s scandal you’d read on the net last night. It was a nasty business and you knew deep in your bones that Andy could help you and your brother because he had personal experience with something like this.

“Would you like a drink?”, Andy asked you, taking a seat across from you in his kitchen.

“Just some water please”, You answered, nervously looking at him. He had forgone his business formal inside his home and was wearing a button up with dark jeans. He handed you a glass of water and then motioned to the files in front of you.

“May I?” He asked and you nodded, sliding them over to him and sipped your water.

Andy looked over the papers for quite a long time, his brow furrows. He took out a small notepad and scribbled something on it between his reading, one finger tracing his beard. You looked at him anxiously, trying to decipher his reaction. If you could convince him to take the case, then all hope was not lost for your brother.

After going home last night you had read everything you could about Andrew Barber, and pity had swelled in your heart for him like an ocean. This brave man had lost more than his good name in the society. His ex-wife Laurie was in prison in the attempted murder of their 15-year-old son Jacob, who was still recovering from the injuries inflicted to him by his mother. How Andy could still manage a normal life with work was a wonder. He was only in his 30s to have gone through something so traumatic and you hoped that once this case was over, you could rise from the ashes like him.

After taking a good look at the papers, Andy finally put them down and leaned back on his chair, folding his arms against his chest. You looked at him nervously, chewing on your lip as you waited for him to speak. His gaze lingered for a moment on your lips before meeting your eyes.

“May I please call you Y/n?” He asked and you nodded. “Y/n, I wouldn’t say that this is an easy case. You know it isn’t. Evidence is heavily stacked against your brother.”

“But?”

“But it’s not completely hopeless either. There are loopholes, a lot of them in fact. A lot of evidence is mostly circumstantial, and if we can find some experts to recreate the murder scene digitally, we might be able to prove that your brother is innocent. The stab wound is near the heart, a difficult place to lodge the knife in since you need to get through the rib cage. The murder weapon was quite deep inside the body, meaning a lot of force has been used. I’ve seen your brother’s pictures and just read his reports.” Andy smiled a little. “He certainly doesn’t look like someone strong enough to make this kill wound, especially since there are signs of struggle which would make it even more difficult.”

You looked at him with your mouth parted, eyes wide and hoping. Your heart was beating widely in your chest and you wet your lips before speaking.

“So, there is a chance he will get off?”, You asked.

“I think if we play the right strategy and work things out, there is a chance he might get off.”

You almost lunged across the table and hugged the man. Unbidden, tears stinged your eyes and you sniffled, trying to keep them from rolling down your cheeks. Andy got up and walked around to your side before handing you a tissue. You dabbed your eyes and looked at him with gratitude in your eyes.

“Thank you. Thank you so much.”, you sobbed. He patted your back until you calmed down and then sat down beside you. It was only then that another thought hit you. Lawyers like Andy Barber didn’t come cheap. You were so focused on helping your brother you had no idea how you’d pay what you were sure would be thousands of dollars to him.

“Mr. Barber, about the-” You started to say but he cut you off by raising a hand.

“Call me Andy, we’ll be spending lot of time together solving this one. And about payment, don’t worry. I know how difficult a position you are in right now. We can talk money later, after things are a little more sorted.” His words were soft, and you immediately protested.

“I can’t do that. I can’t take advantage of your kindness like that. I’ll write you a cheque, though the next one may take a while. Please, I’ll get the money.” Now that there was a chance to get your brother out, you’ll do anything. You’ll take another job, sell your crappy apartment and car too if you had to. Anything to get your baby brother back under your roof, safe and sound.

“Please Y/n, I insist. We can talk payments later. Right now, we should focus on your brother.” You looked at Andy and murmured a small thanks and he asked you what you’d like for lunch so you can discuss the case over it.

And so, it went. Almost every day after work, you sped down to Andy’s house straight and talked over the case. The scheduled visit with your brother went well and Andy was sure the experts he had hired could give conclusive evidence to how your brother’s body type didn’t match that of the murderer. Over the next few weeks, you became consumed in this battle for justice, and every second of the day you thanked your lucky stars for Andy who became your rock. He always knew just the right thing to say, and more often he was like a friend who heard you out. When things got too difficult and you felt like you were being crushed under the pressure, he would comfort you by ways of a hot mug of coco.

The case progressed smoothly and by the time Andy made the closing arguments, you were sure your brother will be coming home with you. Everyone was right, Andrew Barber was a court room wizard and you saw him in action. The night that your brother came back, you invited Andy and Jacob to dinner. You saw Jacob frequently when you were at the Barber’s and you got along with him nicely. It hurt you to know that a boy so young had to deal with so much in his life, but he still smiled and went on with his life.

Throughout the dinner, your brother thanked Andy incessantly, almost bowing down. There was laughter under your roof the likes of which you didn’t know would ever come back. After eating, your brother and Jacob departed to play some video games and you held Andy back.

“Can we talk?”, you asked him and motioned him away from the living room to the small room you used as a study. He nodded and followed you, closing the door behind you.

“Everything okay?” He asked

“Andy, I can’t thank you enough for what you have done for me. You’ve been so kind and nice to me I feel completely indebted to you. I know you’ve been skirting around the money issue, but please, you need to let me pay you.” It was true. Anytime you brought up the topic of his payment he had changed the subject. You thought it had to do with the fact that your relationship was more than just attorney-client and more like friends and it made him uncomfortable to take money from you.

“I don’t want your money, Y/n”, Andy said firmly.

“Why the hell not? I don’t want your charity Andy. You’re my friend, and you helped me get back everything I thought I would lose. I don’t think I can ever repay you for your kindness, and money is the least I can do. Please”

Andy looked at you for moment before moving to stand right in front of you.

“I don’t want your money.” He repeated. “But you can repay me a different way.”

You looked at him speechlessly, not following. He raised a hand and gently moved a strand of your hair behind your ears.

“Andy…” You whispered.

“I don’t want your money. I want you.” He said and placed his hands on your waist, bringing you closer. Your heart beat a furious rhythm against your chest, and you forgot how to breath for a moment.

“I – what? I don’t understand” You said, trying to move away from him but he would let up. His hands tightened around you and kept you in place.

“I want you. I want you to be mine.” He said and your eyes widened. You pushed against his chest, needing to create some distance between you. You had not seen this coming. Never had you felt any untoward advances from him, he never touched you wrong. Hell, he didn’t even hug you for an unnecessary amount of time. Your relationship was the very definition of platonic. At least, that’s what you thought.

“Andy, what’s wrong with you. I thought we were friends. Please, let me go.” You said and surprisingly he released you and walked back a couple steps.

“We are friends, but I want more than that. I have wanted that for months, but I didn’t say because you had enough on your plate. I don’t want you going back to your house at night when you visit me. I want you under my roof, inside my bed and under me. Look how good you’re with Jacob too. We will be great together.”

You gaped at him and stumbled to a chair and sat down.

“I will not be your personal whore, Andy Barber!” You sneered at him and he started, shaking his head. He came and knelt before your feet, taking your hands in his.

“That’s not what I said at all. I would never do that to you.” He vehemently disagreed. “I want someone to love and cherish, I want a family. I know you can give it to me.”

You tried to jerk your hands out of his, but he held them fast.

“I’m sorry about how this is going. I wasn’t planning on talking about this tonight. But you forced my hand. I want you Y/n, and I will have you. Even if I had asked you out, I know you would have said no because you want to work and provide for your brother. Isn’t that true?” He asked.

He was right. You didn’t plan on dating anyone, anytime soon. You had to focus on your career and there was no place for a man in your life no matter how nice he was.

“You said I gave you back your life. You said you want to repay me. This is what I want. You.” He pressed a kiss on your hands and looked intently in your eyes.

“And what if that’s something I don’t want?” You asked.

Andy’s eyes darkened and he glared at you. He had spent months working tirelessly on your brother’s case and been nothing but a gentleman. He didn’t see any reason why you shouldn’t want him.

“In that case, I’ll make you want me.” He said. “I will never do anything to hurt you, trust me. But I can create situations where the only person who can help you will be me. You’ll run right back into my arms. I – I don’t want to do anything bad. I just want you. Be mine.”

He didn’t say it explicitly, but you got his meaning loud and clear. He’s an influential person, he could do any number of things to force your hand. He had been kind to you till now, but if you gave him reason to be cruel, he will be. This man could very well take away everything he gave you and you both knew that.

Later that night after Andy and Jacob left, you told your brother you want to move in with Andy. He was shocked by the suddenness of the news and you fed him some cock and bull story about falling for each other during the trial and not wanting to keep it a secret now that he was out of prison. Your brother was happy for you, telling you that he’s glad you’ve found someone like Andy who would always protect you. You agreed, Andy would always protect you from the world. But there was no one who could protect you from him.

A week later you moved into Andy’s house. Jacob greeted you at the door and took your stuff inside, apologizing that he couldn’t stay long as he’s spending the weekend at a friend’s. Your heart sank at the thought of being alone with Andy for the next two days. You hadn’t spoken much since he all but forced you to into living with him. You saw Andy in the kitchen, setting up the table and wiping the counters. He painted an utterly domestic figure, walking barefoot in his sweats and T-shirt. Seeing you arrive he smiled and moved closer to kiss your cheek and hug you.

“Welcome home, sweetheart”, He whispered in your ear, holding you close and pressing his forehead to yours. Your hands lay limp at your side and you tried to give a small smile and not push back. You heard an awkward cough from behind you and realized Jacob was fake gagging and giving his father a cheeky grin.

“Can you two like, not do this when I’m here?”, He teased and earned a playful swat from his father.

“You get out of here and don’t cause too much trouble.”, Andy said, and Jacob gave a thumbs up and wink to you both and hurried out. You heard the door shut and your hands became sweaty now that you were alone with Andy after a week. No sooner had Jacob departed that Andy’s hands cupped your face and he pressed a searing kiss on your lips. He put a hand behind your head and coaxed your mouth open, deepening the kiss and moaning. You put your hands around his wrists, closing your eyes.

“Come on, kiss me back like a good honey.” Andy said and you forced yourself to respond. His kisses were like molten fire, all passion and heat that lay over you like a warm blanket. Pulling away, Andy kissed your forehead and eyelids and then just looked at you. His eyes were blown wide and dark, his lips red and moist. You gulped as he kept his eyes on you, drinking in your sight in his arms. He hadn’t touched you that night at your place. Didn’t even kiss you. But now that you were here all alone with him, under his roof…you suppressed a shudder.

“I’m so glad you’re finally here. Come, dinner’s ready.” He led you over to the table and pulled out a chair for you. He sat beside you and filled your plate with your favorite dishes. You thanked him, eating quietly, and wondering what would happen to you tonight. Going by the way Andy’s hand was creeping up on your thigh, you knew you were in for a long night. Andy talked throughout dinner about his day and cranky clients. He shared things like a husband would to his wife and you resisted the urge to bolt out of his house. You made small noises of acknowledgment, too nervous to actually speak. There was much you wanted to ask about how things will progress from now.

“I’ve emptied one side of the closet. You can unpack tomorrow and then we can go shopping for whatever else you might need. We’ll ask Jake to click some pictures to hang around too. The walls are so bare now. Maybe a family portrait in the hall above?”

Your fork clattered to your plate as you heard him talk and you stared at him in disbelief. You’d been hear barely an hour and he was planning your life in a way that gave you chills. With every word he spoke, every plan he had, you felt like he added another bar to your prison.

“Andy, I think I should stay in another room.”, You said softly, and Andy frowned.

“Like hell you’ll stay in another room. You’ll stay with me, sleep in my bed right in my arms. You’re mine now, I think I made it very clear?”

You bit your lip and nervously played with your fingers, trying not to anger him.

“What about Jacob? Would he like it, me staying in your room? I mean, his mother lived there not too long ago and...” You stopped when Andy grabbed your chin and turned your head to meet his eyes.

“You just saw Jake. Did you see any hesitance in him when he welcomed you in? I’d already spoken to him anyway. He has no love for the woman who almost pushed him through death’s door. He likes you and he’s happy for me.”

You nodded and finished the rest of your dinner in silence. You offered to do the dishes, but Andy asked you to relax and see about the place while he tidied up. You wandered up the stairs, a part of house you had not been to before. You opened the first door on the left and found a messy room with a big screen and video games. Closing the door, you ventured forward and opened the door towards the end. This would most probably be your room. The bed was huge, and you moved inside to explore. There was an attached bathroom and a massive walk in closet where you could see Andy had cleared space for you. You sat on the bed and opened the first drawer in the bedside cabinet, finding medicine and phone charger. Opening the second, you found it scattered with stationary and other bits and bots. However, what caught your eye was the box of condom tucked in the back. You took it out and gulped in fear.

“I didn’t think you’d want a baby just right now.”, Andy said from the doorway, startling you. You turned to him and set the box down, moving backward subconsciously as he came towards you and shut the door behind him. He stood in front of you and cupped your jaw, stroking gently.

“You’re so beautiful, every time I look at you my heart stops.”, He whispered, then he bent down and kissed you deeply, his tongue in your mouth and hands roaming your sides. You gasped, your own hands fisting his t-shirt. Holding you around the waist, Andy pushed you back in the middle of the bed, climbing over you and starting to unbutton your shirt. You quickly held his hands, trembling slightly. He looked at you with that dark look in his eyes and you slowly retracted your hands and allowed him to strip you of your shirt. He sucked in a breath, pure worship in his eyes as he took in your shirtless body and reached behind you to unclasp your bra. His hands glided over your collarbones and breasts, gentle in their exploring and squeezed. You moaned despite yourself. You didn’t expect him to be this good to you. You thought he would ravish you like an animal in heat.

Andy kissed you then, one hand on your hip, the other beside your head holding his weight. You responded without really meaning to, getting lost in the heat of him. His smell smothered you until you could taste it on your tongue, and you let out a groan of pure satisfaction as he sucked a hickey into the juncture of your neck. Leaving a searing line of fire with his lips, he whispered in your ear.

“I will bath your body with my tongue until I own each and every part of you. I will mark you as mine and claim you completely. When this night is over, you will crave me with a frenzy that only my touch can quench. I’ll not just make you want me; I’ll make you thirst for me. You’ll beg me to touch you, to mark you and to fill you up.”

His words were a promise and you clenched your thighs in anticipation. That night, he proceeded to take you as his. His laved your body with his tongue, suckling, biting, and leaving marks. Your nipples were wet and sore from his attention, your core drenched and dripping. He made you cum first with his mouth, slurping on you, making you tremble and shout. Then he stretched you around his fingers, moaning dirty fantasies into your mouth while you shook under him. You remember him impaling you on his cock, remember feeling every vein of him even through the condom, you felt him stretching you wider than ever before and you cuming hard enough to see stars. He claimed your body in ways you didn’t think was possible, and you woke up the next day with bruises on parts you didn’t even know could bruise.

Your life with Andy was not unpleasant as such, but it was a golden cage. He got you what you wanted, he never stopped you from working or force you into something you didn’t want to do. You told him you didn’t want to try anal sex and he never pushed for it. You told him you missed your study and he converted a room into a library for you. In all aspects, he was the dream guy any woman could want. Only, you never had the option to make this choice. It was thrust upon you and you had to live it no matter what.

The only thing Andy insisted on was your loyalty and time. He told you in no uncertain terms that if he so much as smelled another man’s cologne on you, he’ll tie you up and edge you until you remembered who you belonged to. You didn’t think he was serious until one night Andy lost his cool after watching you hug a colleague who dropped you home. You ended up tied spread eagle on the bed, crying tears of frustration as he edged you with his mouth and a vibrator for hours. It wasn’t until you sobbed out, “I’m yours!” that he let you cum. The other thing he wanted was your time. He never interrupted your work, but if you’re home, he is the only thing that should be on your mind. He kept you close, always an arm on your waist or you in his lap. His possessiveness knew no bounds and Jacob often joked that he’d need a sawing machine to separate you.

You couldn’t say you hated Andy because you didn’t. Even when he had first forced you into a relationship, you didn’t hate him. He’d been a good friend to you and a great support. He had done too much for you to ever hate him, as you were reminded every time you saw your brother. But you couldn’t say you loved him either. The very fact that if you had a choice you wouldn’t be here gnawed at you. While you laughed with Andy when you saw movies or sighed in pleasure when he put those hands on you, you couldn’t bring yourself to love him. You cared for him, you loved to wake up with his face between your thighs or with your face between his. You loved it when you sat as a family to play scrabble and you and Jake teamed up to beat Andy. You loved it when he tickled you into submission or when you gave him a massage after a tough day at work. But you didn’t love him.

So, it was with trepidation that you looked at the ring you found in his underwear drawer. Settled into a small velvet box, it was a silver band with diamonds lining it. Your hand shook slightly, wondering what you’ll do once he asks you the question you’d been dreading for months now. Did you even have the choice to say no? Did you want to say no? You put the box back where you’d found it and went through your day acting like nothing happened. The next few days you lived in anticipation, wondering every time Andy went into the closet if this would be it. But the ring stayed where it was and with each passing day you became as annoyed as you became relieved.

���Come here, sweetheart”, he said to you one night, holding out his hand and pulling you in his lap on the bed. You snuggled against his chest, you head on his shoulder and arms around him. He stroked your back, placing a kiss on your head as he rocked you slowly.

“Do you want to go back to your brother’s house?” He asked softly and you pulled away to look at him with puzzled eyes.

“What?”

“If you want, you can go back to living with him.”

Your heart started pounding in your chest, breath coming out in stuttered gasps. You didn’t know why but tears filled your eyes as you looked at him in utter disbelief.

“You want me to go away?” Your voice was small, broken like that of a kicked puppy. Andy pulled you tight into himself, holding you close while he cooed at you and shushed.

“No, no baby. I never want you to go away. I just feel like you want to go away.” He said and you buried your head in his neck, not understanding why you weren’t leaping across the room and packing your stuff. This is what you always wanted, your freedom. And now when it was being put on a platter for you, you clung to your prison and your captor.

“I – I don’t know what I want”, you sobbed helplessly, and Andy held you as you cried. He patted your head and pulled your face up to look into your eyes.

“While I am deranged enough to keep you with me like this, even I won’t force you into a marriage. I know you saw the ring, and I know you’ve been withdrawn ever since. I love you, more than anything in the world. You know that, and I’m pretty sure everyone who sees us knows that. Which is exactly why I am willing to set you free. I may be a bad person, but I won’t be a monster. I am giving you the choice you have always wanted. You can go if you want, I won’t stop you. I will not hold anything over you. I want you to be happy, and if that is away from here, away from me, so be it. I won’t be the person holding your happiness at bay.” He said.

You remained silent and after a while Andy set you down on the bed and got up.

“Think about it, it is your choice this time.” He kissed your head and left the room. That was the first night in over a year you’d spent alone, and you cried yourself into a restless sleep, reaching out for the warm body not there. You woke up with eyes sealed shut by dried tears and your whole body aching. The sun was high in the sky meaning you slept well past noon. You walked downstairs into the kitchen, looking around for Andy. You needed to see him, touch him. You needed assurance that he was still there and hadn’t left you. You found Jacob working on his assignment and joined him at the table.

“Good afternoon”, he teased with a smile. Then he looked at your face and cringed. “Jeez, you look sick. Can I get you something? You want me to call dad?”

“I’m fine, just tired. Where is Andy?”, you asked with a raspy voice and gratefully accepted water from Jacob.

“He left early, I think. Left a note on the fridge saying he’ll be back later.” Seeing your face fall, Jacob got up and patted your arm. “You sit here while I get you some coffee. You look like you really need it.”

You nodded and tried not to sniffle. Here was a boy who felt like your own son despite you being not that much older to him. You had a family right here, even if you hadn’t asked for it this way. You held your head in your hands, confused.

Jacob got you coffee and some snacks to munch on. He kept looking at you out of the corner of his eyes, pretending to work. You put down your mug after a few silent minutes and asked him if something was wrong.

“Did you reject dad?” He asked you after hesitating. You gaped at him in shock.

“What? I – No. Why would you say that?”

Jacob turned red stuttered. “Its just…dad showed me the ring. I thought he asked you and well, you’re in such a state and he left early which he has never done since you got here, I thought you said no.” You looked down in your lap, wanting to go upstairs and cry in your pillow.

“Hey, I am so sorry. I just – please don’t say no because of me.” Jacob said earnestly. “I am okay with your relationship. More than okay, in fact. After mom, well, I thought I would never see dad smile again. And then he met you and he started cooking and humming songs again. Then once you moved in…it felt like life had gone back to normal. He became better than before. Mom and he used to fight all the time, but you and he click. So please, if you are worried about me, don’t be.”

You chocked out a pathetic sob and hugged a bewildered Jacob who tried his best to console you. You almost laughed as he let out a few “there there” and “it will be okay”. He was so much like his father.

“Jacob, I think I love your father.”, you said with tears rolling down your cheeks. Jacob grinned a smug smile and breathed out a quite laugh.

“Why do you say that as a bad thing?” He asked.

“Because I don’t know how to tell your father about it” you confessed. Jacob stood up and took you with him. Placing his hands on your shoulder, he turned you around.

“I don’t think you need to tell him anymore.”

Andy stood at the entrance, looking at you both with an unreadable expression in his eyes. He moved closer while you flushed in embarrassment, looking at the floor and shuffling like a naughty child caught causing mischief.

“You, leave.” Andy ordered his son who was smiling like Christmas had come early.

“As if I’d stay for what’s about to happen. I quite like the innocence of my eyes.” Jake joked and scampered when his father glared at him. Andy stood in front of you, looking down at you until you finally raised your head to peak at him from under your wet lashes.

“So…”, he trailed off and you almost stomped your feet once you saw the amusement in his eyes. He is going to milk this moment for all it was worth. You’d made him wait long enough for this.

“So…” You said as well.

“I take it you aren’t going back to your brother’s?”

“No”, you whispered. You wanted him to touch you, to make you his again. Spending one night away from him had driven you almost insane with loneliness. You needed him and yet he didn’t put a hand on you.

“Why not?” He asked instead, tracing his bottom lip with his finger. You squirmed as you watched his action, heat pooling between your legs at the thought of that sensual mouth.

“I – I changed my mind”

“You did, did you?”

“Yes”

“Why?”

You glared at him, making him smirk. You broke and took hold of his collar, pulling him close and brushing your lips against his.

“You know why!” You hissed, trying to kiss him harder but he resisted.

“I don’t know, I mean, is the sex that good?”

The bastard. He was teasing you here and enjoying your discomfort. To hell with everything. You should have just written it on a scrap of paper and dumped it on his lap or something. But then you looked in his eyes which were dancing in the afternoon light, his eyes which had only ever held affection for you. You pushed yourself on you toes and put your mouth against his.

“I love you”

You were in his arms then and he carried you upstairs before you realized what happened. Throwing you on the bed and locking the door, he removed his shirt and climbed over you.

“Again”, he ordered, his lips burning against your throat.

“I love you”, you cried. Your hands found their way into his hair and tugged, making him growl. Both of you tore at your clothes, mouths meeting and teeth gnashing in a desperation to get closer.

“Again”, he said, holding your naked body beneath his, his cock poised at your entrance.

“I love you”

He entered you in a smooth stroke, making you clench around him. He pulled back and looked into your eyes, thrusting slow and deep, relishing in your mewls. He made love to you and you sang the words in his mouth and ear until you both came with muffled cries.

Sweaty and laying in each other’s arms, you basked in the newfound feeling of togetherness. You knew this wasn’t how a normal person falls in love. You realized that someone else may think something was wrong with you. But it is what it is. You loved this man after everything he had done to do. You loved him and you will do your best to let him know that every chance you could.

“So, are you gonna give me that ring now?” You asked.

Andy laughed and looked at you tugged into his naked body.

“With how much you’ve made me wait, you should be the one getting down on your knees.” He joked.

You looked at him with a teasing smile and got up.

“You only had to ask”, you breathed against his mouth before moving down on his body and getting to your knees, ready to show him how much you loved him again and again.