#this fucks me up emotionally
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biting biting biting zuen not only picked exandroth because they thought exandroth would be a suitable chosen but probably also actively encouraged exandroth to become the most extreme version of themselves to suit his goals. exandroth did not question this. exandroth knew they had different goals but didnt know zuen was taking advantage of her. i am clawing at the walls of my enclosure. EXANDROTH WAS BEING USED... AND ITS UNCLEAR IF AT ANY POINT EXANDROTH HAD COME TO REALISE THIS...
#jrwi spoilers#jrwi apotheosis spoilers#📚 my posts#👁️🗨️ exandroth posting#thanatos rumi and exandroth being manipulated into being a version of themselves#that zuen thought would set off a fight over the fate of the world#but what zuen actually did was create a personality that was incredibly self destructive#this fucks me up emotionally
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Sketching while streaming s5...
Jonathan Sims I will learn to draw you (this is my doing. I could draw him however I want and I choose to stick with an image of him in my brain that is difficult for me to draw. Masochism.)
Not s5 Mahtins below I enjoyed drawing cuz hes neat:
(Edit: I yassified Martin in the do not separate cuz I wanted his hair fluffier)
#yes I realize Jon and Martin are in different fucking art styles let me live#do not accuse me of being AI this difficulty drawing hands is all natural I worked hard drawing for years just to fucking suck at it#update I listened to 170 I heard it was devastating but my ass was LAUGHING#poor martin but omg me and my buddy had everywhere at the end of time in the background and shit was so funny#he forgor 😭💀#it was emotionally devastating at the end tho Jon suggesting he stay there um btich NO?!#Jon the literal Lonely is not worse tham being around you get a fucking grip#helen continues to be the best character her showing up for the juicy gossip is so fucking real#anyagays#tma#tma podcast#the magnus pod#tma fanart#jonathan sims#the magnus archives#my art#martin blackwood#jonmartin#jmart#tma jmart#tma season 5#tma spoilers#i have to make a diagram for my jon and martin designs for s5 SO bad#if only i could draw jon.... >:(#i need u guys to know that my martin loves plaid and jon is wearing a plaid shirt thats too big in s5... inchresting....
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Nothing in the world belongs to me But my love, mine, all mine
#genshin impact#arlecchino#peruere#clervie#ouhhhhhhhh im never gonna be able to emotionally recover from watching that animated short#ever since it came out a couple days ago just thinking of these two makes me feel like my heart is physically being ripped in half#i cant stop thinking about how Clervie was the only person in Arlecchino's life that she truly loved#like dont get me wrong Arlecchino loves her children in her own detached-fucked up way as much as any person with her amount of trauma can#but Clervie meant so much to her that even just her presence alone kept Arle's curse at bay#and it seems that no one other than Clervie herself has ever been able to break this unemotional/detached wall that Arle has put up#and maybe no one else ever will#DONT GET ME WRONG I still fw arle x other female harbingers like that shit is still peak#but oh my god the idea that arle never moved on after clervie's death and will never love anyone the way she loved her makes me want to SOB
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「 YOU'VE SLEPT ENOUGH. 」
#PLEASE play this game it is literally so underrated#it grabbed my brain by the neck and decided it would beat me the fuck up emotionally on a personal level#i'm glad i played while i was absolutely going through a mental rut#art#2024#fanart#in stars and time#isat#isat siffrin#isat spoilers#blood#cw blood
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☕️🥞 sketch dump
#she caught the goro disease....... itll be a long and painful death.....#guessss who finished playing througj 11/20 and the engine room hahahaha#imagine already being spoiled for what happens and still getting emotionally bodyslammed by the twists anyways. cant be me#(started sweating at engine room mention and straight up cried at the glove dialogue option ATLUS WHEN I FUCKING CATCH YIO)#man fuck these guys i hate this game#sorry i have literally nothing to post right now i have not been drawing (stuck to my pc on p5r 90% of my awake hours)#in my brief 2-4am window of drawing time ive been cranking out more shuake sketches but none of them are colored so like#i have around 4 lined up after i finish taking care of zine stuff though#akechi goro#goro akechi#kurusu akira#akira kurusu#amamiya ren#ren amamiya#shuake#akeshu#p5#p5r#persona 5#persona 5 royal#my art#ITS SO OVER 😂😂😂😂😂😂
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for someone who wants to bang a werewolf, I sure do scream like a fire alarm when my dog brings me "gifts" (dead lizard) realistically if a man brought me his hunt as a gift I'd pass out.
#she brought me an ALIVE turtle once and I still don't know how to unpack that like emotionally#where the fuck did you get that#my little hunter#i'm so proud of her but also please stop bringing me birds and mice and lizards#she leaves them right outside my bedroom which is very sweet but also means I almost step on them every time#screaming crying throwing up trying to clean up her gifts
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let's drive out
#klance#voltron#vld#this came to my brain via Valentine Texas by mitski but im not offficially linking it bc i have something dif in mind fpr later#and this one is a faithful visual recreation of the lyrics but not an emotionally faithful one so. i can do better#anyway being taken out to camp in the bed of a pickup truck is like. haha. one of my dark twisted evil romantic fantasies#my country bumpkin upbringing showing through#now you guys know how horrible and wild my unhigned crazy thoughts are...... how unspeakably deranged.....#art#my art#bro im such a fucking faker i will fr get on my soapbox about how often klance fight (even romantically) and then draw the tenderist shit#like 40 times over#so let me amend and clarify by saying this was somehow some stupid shit.#like lance set this up but its because theyve been competing for best date (theres a physical scoreboard on the fridge)#and keith was probably trying to act aloof so that lance wouldnt score as many points#but got so comfy he fell asleep (+15 for lance its going on the scoreboard)#+ lance is abt to sharpie a moustache on his face#mitski
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I JUST TOLD MY THERAPIST ABOUT MOMOKA KAWARAGI AND THEN WHEN I EXPLAINED WHY THIS CHARACTER MEANS A LOT TO ME SHE LITERALLY SAID THE WORDS "Wow, so. This character is almost exactly like you, even in terms of flaws. Everything you just said about her is exactly how I would describe you." I'M FUCKING DONE. IT'S OVER. I GOT KINASSIGNED BY MY THERAPIST.
#girls band cry#i only brought it up because GBC was tied to a massive emotional breakthrough yesterday#which necessitated explaining what triggered the breakthrough and why it's so liberating#which requires explaining momoka#it's so fucking insane to me that now momoka kawaragi is permanently and significantly tied to my identity#to the point where the most... emotionally stable i've felt in my entire life is thanks to her.
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saw @chez-cinnamon's absolutely BANGER butterfly!Howdy design and couldn't resist! two fluffy flutterbyes <3 solidarity
#still unsure of Why this was the only pose that came to mind but! who am i to deny the brain what it wants#i also have no idea what it is about butterflies and mullets + extra fluff#it just feels Right.#oh also if you haven't checked out chez-cinnamon's Real World au uhhhh Go Do That!!!#its fun! its funky! its fresh! its got a lot of great art! its got a Comic!#emphasis on a Lot Of Great Art!#i will admit im emotionally invested in the plot. its reeled me in. im Fascinated by it#also(x2) i Cannot get over how swagtastic that butterfly howdy design is#like!!! look at it!!! the colors the patterns the WINGS agh the wings <3<3<3#truly a unique and creative design that im totally not jealous of ahaha what-#kidding im Kidding. or am i... i am i am#scribble garnish#yassified howdy <3#welcome home#alrighty its officially 2 am i needed to be asleep uhhhhh three hours ago#gonna queue this up and conk out. while lovingly thinking of chez-cinnamon's butterfly howdy my fucking GOD#cant get over how Gorgeous he is#the facial patterns.... the colors.... immaculate#top tier design i am Taking Notes#ok ok sleeping now. Sleeping. snz snork mimi and all that. etc
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hot take but the reason why beez and gabriel figured their shit out so quickly is because they both have a solid sense of who they are as a person and the relationships adds to that instead of threatening their sense of identity.
if, for some reason, they had landed on "yeah no we won't work" they would have been sad/disappointed/heartbroken, but ultimately beez is happy with who they are and so is gabriel. nina and maggie decided to NOT get into a relationship for the same reason, they respect themselves and each other enough to put personal growth and their mental health first instead of attempting to solve trauma responses and hypervigilance by making someone the turning point of their world.
aziraphale and crowley, on the other hand, aren't just dogshit at communicating, they have also build their sense of identity around each other and thus the thought of not being together automatically comes with a loss of personhood, trapping them in "i need them to live and will be destroyed if they're not with me". which is incredibly self-destructive and deeply unhealthy, and not a foundation for a functional relationship.
the solution to that is not to glue them together and call it a day, it's to allow both of them the space and grace to grow as individuals and develop a healthy sense of self so the relationship is build on mutual respect AND self respect.
#alex talks good omens#good omens#ineffable husbands#crowley#aziraphale#good omens season 2#go2#aziracrow#crowley x aziraphale#ineffable divorce#like besties listen to me okay i have bpd a severe dissociative disorder and a horrible case of cptsd#i KNOW what it's like to be emotionally obsessed with someone and make them the reason for your existence#and while yes it provides *some* amount of emotional satisfaction#it is NOT GOOD AND WILL FUCK YOU UP#it will make all your issues WORTH and DESTROY THAT RELATIONSHIP unless you work on it a lot and are incredibly self aware#put yourself first and learn how to form healthy attachments otherwise the relationship ain't gonna work#and instead just be toxic as all hell
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In honor of the @rw-ship-showdown I wanted to write about Artihunter as someone who jokingly slapped them together pre-downpour and still thinks they are actually very compelling. Just not in the super soft love wins kinda way (Although I get why people like that more) And the only way I know how to do that is talking too much so heres a far too long slug essay-
Obviously the slugcats don't offer a ton of characterization but theres not nothing to work with. Their stories, whether by their roles in it or the overarching themes do provide a backbone to work with. Even gameplay itself can provide a bit. (for some more than others) Hunter, to me, is ultimately a story about selflessness. The goal is to revive Moon, which is very much an act of kindness from both Hunter and NSH. But the weight of that action is much more significant for Hunter- Hunter is deeply sick. They're on the clock, and for all their skill in combat none of that will ultimately help them to survive longer than their body can hold out. Moon is a close friend of NSH but that means little Hunter- Hunter really gets next to nothing out of helping them, and ultimately pays quiet a bit spending their limited time alive fighting to deliver that neuron so that someone else can live.
To spend ones limited days on helping another, in a game that very much stresses the unwavering cruelty of the world and nature- is pretty notable. (And you could even say that Hunter being the Hardmode of Rain World adds another layer to this)
And then we have Artificer. A storyline that very much stands out to people as more… villainous (so to speak) than the other slugcats. Artificer's story covers a lot of things. Trauma, violence, revenge, etc. Revenge is a bit of a selfish desire- That need to see someone hurt as they have hurt you. A punishment that ultimately does not fix whatever harm was done- but feels good to see because you were hurt and now those responsible share that pain.
Artificer's actions are founded in that need for revenge, their pups killed for overstepping boundaries they didn't know existed. Is it not fair for them to be angry at that, to punish the scavengers for their violence with their own? Why should the scavengers ever be forgiven when they and their pups were not? And that's how you get that loop- Harm for harm over and over.
The original action has been lost in a spiral of violence for violence. And here stands Artificer- their very spirit scarred. Not just because they sought revenge, but because they never ceased trying to scratch that itch for violence as an answer. Artificer only has two paths for their story- killing the scavenger king (Someone who, really, has little to do with the original 'crime' of the scavengers, but represents an important individual to them- as did the slugpups to Artificer), locking themselves as karma one for good and spending the rest of their life chasing creatures that no longer even fight back in a warped sense of closure- or to dissolve themselves in the acids of the void sea because they're too far gone to find any real peace.
They can't meaningfully recover from that state, not alone, twisting in on themselves. Even if they halt their actions, they've been using violence as a feeble defense against their own pain- violence that no longer has any real direction or basis. Artificer gets no real closure from killing the scavenger king. All they can do is continue the cycle, or try to scrub it away. No real peace in a prison of their own making. So you have a creature, who even with a strict timer on their life- a body that will crumble to disease, spends its last bit of time on saving another. And another who was so caught up in the pain of loss that were eaten alive by their own anger, poisoned their own soul on such a deep level even self-proclaimed gods have no solution for them. What peace can they offer each other? For Hunter, its only a fleeting moment of happiness- of selfish love, before their own body fails them. A bit of indulgence in something for themself. For Artificer, its a single, comforting thread to ground them again, something tangible to protect and care about again. But thats a thread that will ultimately be snapped under the cruel indifference of the world. Hunters timer will tick down regardless of if it takes another with it. Its a tragedy- its doomed to end badly. Whatever good it offers to either of them to find each other will only provide the fleeting comfort of a band-aid that will be ripped away too early. But all that can be worth indulging in anyway, if only for the moment. It doesn't change the ending, but the ending was never going to be happy. Its can so yuri
#rain world#rw shipping#tagging that just cause this is explicitly about that even though I usually dont do shipping stuff#with that said i dont even think this particular interpretation of a possible dynamic needs to be romantic its just kinda#about companionship in general. companionship thats going to absolutely shred an already unstable slug emotionally but thats#the point. friendship and love in spite of the unavoidable ending#just noticed this is like 80% theme analysis and 20% 'these go together just trust me'#but also theyre both girls because i want them to and also because im channeling hornet from hollow knight#who made me so deeply ill that my rain world tags still havent outcompeted my Hk tags because i drew her so much. so so much.#hunter is hornet coded to me and artificer is like if angela and gebura from lc combined into a deeply fucked up ferret#also i did tag the poll because they kinda inspired this but also. i wasnt gonna put all this out here WITHOUT a readmore thats embarassing#but i guess this is propaganda for a ship already seen as popular but like... idk i think theres something to it even as someone#who did literally slap them together originally because they were both red slugcats i considered girls. predownpour so we didnt have anythi#anyway hi tag readers i have so much work to do im being bad by writing about gay slugs. i need to get myself together#its so late this might just be nonsense bwaaaaaaa
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something something blood-soaked hands cradling your face something something
anyway here's the post btw
#what if post dp3 logan struggles to emotionally accept that wade Will Actually For Real Survive Anything#and one time they are fighting some random baddies#and they somehow get in a few shots straight to wade's cranium and he drops like a bag of slutty slutty potatoes#and logan goes full berserker trying to get to him#like he just massacres everyone in his way and wade still isnt getting up ohnoohnoohnonotagainohno#(healing factor or no a few direct shots to the brain stem/t box take a bit to recover from)#(no more than five minutes but it's an eternity to logan)#and his heart sinks to the very core of the earth as he kneels down next to wade's body#and his hands are shaking and soaked in blood and he can't seem to sheathe his claws in his dazed adrenalined state#he tries to peel back wade's mask and fear is just *pounding* through his system because in that moment#all he can see are the xmen dead in massive pools of blood#and that feeling of unreality is rushing over him like thiscantbehappeningthiscantbehappeningnotagainohgodnotagain#wade's still and unresponsive and there is so Much BLOOD (hard to tell how much is Wade's and how much is just on his hands)#and logan doesn't even realize he's crying until suddenly wade's eyes light up like a computer restarting#and he's smiling and gasping and joking immediately#“well howdy there hot stuff what did I miss?”#and then he clocks that logan is Not Okay#“... well gee willikers golly goddamn peanut 'twas only a flesh wound! no need to go all waterworks over lil ol me”#“you know it would take a helluva lot more than that to make me shuffle off this here mortal coil!”#“see all better I'm hunky dory peachy keen right as fucking rain”#“I mean cmon I can't have been out for more than five minutes so let's just go back to you being exasperated with my bullshit antics okay??#“...okay sugarboobs? snookums? babycakes?.... Logan?”#and they just sit there on the floor holding each other for a while#wade babbling and logan crying about everything he's lost and wondering distantly how he has come to care so much#about this blithering jokester in like barely a week#that the thought of losing him brought him crashing back to the worst memory of his extremely rough life#anyway that's enough tag mini fic lolol I'm having feelings about my own drawing I guess 😵#poolverine#deadpool and wolverine#poolverine art
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you ever just have a lot, a LOT of feelings all at once about a character and not even remotely enough words or brainpower to FORM the words to describe everything you're feeling. so it feels like you may explode. yeah
#sorry i got really into my feelings about mark hoffman again#the very specific version of him in my brain that i really really wish i had the time and energy to properly share with you guys#saw#well until i muster the energy to explode all of my feelings out into a fic. if you want to TRY and understand#know that my three biggest hoffman fic insps right now are as follows#your best kept secret hoffman. a series of mistakes hoffman. and rushed like a dreadful wind hoffman.#there is a very clear throughline just know i am extremely emotionally compromised rn#thinking about theee fics vs the canon path hoffman spirals down#something something the absolute tragedy of watching a man's descent into madness#the transformation of a man into a monster#and what could have saved him from himself and kramer's corruption#sorry i'm rambling so much oh my god i was just having such a crying fit out of nowhere about this#do you think he could feel it happening. do you think he was aware he was losing his mind.#the script version of him fucks with me so bad. the crazed rankings and the longer hair and him not being well kept anymore#it's impossible to think he didn't know he was deteriorating#fuuuck okay i need to either chill or write a whole longfic rn#i project on that guy so much i truly don't know if i could properly write my vision of him#until i do something more substantial the full extent of my hoffman exists for me and my boyfriend only. they get me like no one else#well ginny and jenna also get me. please read best kept secret and a series of mistakes Oh My God#where am i going with this. i like tag rambling actually this is a nice way to do it without forcing EVERYONE to read my delirium#anyways if you've read all of this i think i love you? feel free to dm me about hoffman and my very specific headcanons and aus#maybe soon i'll try and start writing my fics about this tragic man#i could never say any of this on twitter btw they'd string me up for my opinions on him as a sad wet beast who could have been fixed#if only he hadn't been weaponized first#god i'm too tired to even be as embarrassed about this as i should be. thought i unlearned cringe already#but i've been spending way too much time on twitter and they HAAATE hoffman there#rip. i know it's not that serious but i'm sensitive rn and hate feeling lonely in my thoughts#ok bye for real otherwise i'll never shut up. i might tag ramble more often bc this was therapeutic in a way i needed badly#cat chat
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just watched the wwdits ep finally and god i wanna hug laszlo so badly my darling boy 😭😭 not him having to confront his dad again and talking about how awful and abusive he was while everyone was being charmed by him and then laszlo actually thinking for a moment maybe he should give him a second chance (and crying??? killed me) and his dad just proving again how shitty and untrustworthy he obviously was. and also all the bits with colin seeing rodrick as a father figure and not remembering laszlo raising him and laszlo just snapping. and comforting him in the end of the ep too. he loves him :(( they really said we're not giving him (or me) a break huh 😭
#what we do in the shadows#laszlo cravensworth#colin robinson#wwdits spoilers#wwdits#also the bit about laszlo saying his dad killed his mom??? fucked.#they really were killing me (and laszlo) here#and the way they teased us with the almost colin/laszlo hug :(#i really hope colin remembers by the end of the season :(#like this ep was funny objectively and had good stuff in it but. it was killing me emotionally actually#and i wish nadja would've stood up for him tbh the lack of it was a bit jarring :<#sigh i need to focus on uni chores but there's vampire i want to hug in my head#tp
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s4e6
#THE WAY THEY SAY HI TO LOGAN FIRST#AND THEY ONLY HUG LOGAN#SYD SHAKES EVERYONE ELSES HAND#ALSO LOGAN KNOWS MORPHS SMELL#ALSO NOT TO MENTION LOGAN HUGGING??#SOCIALLY AND EMOTIONALLY INEPT LOGAN GIVING PHYSICAL AFFECTION????#btw scott was a dick didnt even walk up to morph like everyone else did#fuck you scott youre the reason syd had an evil brainworm and was traumatized by sinister in the first place fuck you#this blog is not a safe space for scott summers#he is like one of the main sources of drama in this show i hate him#x men#x men the animated series#logan howlett#xmen wolverine#kevin sydney#morph x men#xmen jean gray#jean gray#ororo munroe#storm xmen#hank mccoy#beast xmen#morpherine#this episode is so full of morpherine its driving me insane#xmen tas: s4
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I’ll be honest i HATE the way the QSMP fanbase is treating Gegg and Tallulah. Like Gegg literally just appears, bro hasn’t done a single thing and people start talking about how they want him to die 😭 ?? And Tallulah starts feeling insecure trough no fault of Gegg and the Gegg tag just EXPLODES with hate. I’m a big petty baby and i don’t like seeing /neg in the tags bro. It just kinda feels like tallulahs the golden child who can do no wrong and Geggs the scapegoat who’s blamed for everything, and i feel like people are already taking it too far
#Gegg#QSMP#worm do rant#I can't belive im ranting about minecraft egg roleplay#To be honest i really relate to the whole seeking love an affection thing#so the first gegg stream was kind of like emotionally comforting almost#and then this gegg stream was fucking awful ngl#like its super funny#but seeing how people reacted to gegg made me upset#Also? geniunely starting to not like Tallulah#just by assosiation#don't like seeing her treated as the golden child at geggs expense#this might all sound rlly stupid but im off my meds and i need to be emotionally invested in something that has no consaquence over my life#because if i focus on my actual problems im gonna kay em ess#HE DID FLOW UP TILINS ROOM THATS FUCKED UP#but aside from that? bros innocent#i support geggs rights and geggs wrongs
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