#this even more basically ideals vs love.

[a-sketchy]

yosuke warriors aid me, i’m stuck on phrasing for something.

“good” vs “kind”, which kind of person do you think it would sting more to not be, for yosuke. i think a “good person” is vaguer but more fundamental, more common, and the implication of not being good and therefore being a bad person has a strong impact. i think yu (in his head, in the role of ‘leader’) is his ideal of what a good person is so being unlike that would make him feel really really small.

a “kind person” is more specific and i think rings truer through a yosuke centric lens, like, the opposite of kind is inconsiderate, selfish, mean, or just unkind, all things yosuke concretely is, at times. and i think the specific thing that drew yosuke to yu and saki is their kindness towards him rather than goodness, so being unlike them would hurt reeeally bad.

basically, thinking he’s not a good person is obviously subjective and a huge blow to his view of his fundamental nature, as contrasted to the infallibility of yu. thinking he’s not a kind person holds a partial objective truth he can’t wriggle out of and distances him from both the people he cherishes most.

[h4venpha]

i think i find comfort in vashwood because of their unwillingness to say outloud how they care and love for one another. like CANONLY, theres so, so much they dont say, yet their actions reflect everything.

i’m pretty sure i’ve spoke on this before but i like to think that they never say more than they need to because of the world they live in, the type of people they are, the type of upbringings theyve had. it all stems back to them not really feeling worthy of the love they are offered.

wolfwood who only thinks of himself as some fucked up modified killing machine and that he believes theres no chance someone as kind hearted as vash would see the good in him, or what little there is left of the good in him. he’s done nothing but kill, he could never redeem himself, and yet vash isn’t scared nor shuns him for it even with his pacifistic ideals.

vash who has seen the brutal truth of wolfwood’s being and still decides he loves him to the very end.

vash who doesnt believe he deserves any ounce of love or commitment because he only hurts those he gets close to. it’s happened before and itll happen again, like hes a walking time bomb and everything will blow up again and the people close to him will die no matter what he does. and wolfwood who canonly sticks beside him until the end! literally calls himself his guide.

vash who has never had true companionship in his 150 years of living, and wolfwood who follows him to the ends of gunsmoke.

just up until vol10, theyre still toeing the line of the relationship theyve created. but the exact moment vash shows up and chooses to prioritize wolfwood over going after knives (the fucking thing he’s been working towards since the big fall, over a hundred years ago) is the moment he steps past that line. its so extremely open and explicit, even wolfwood asks him ‘why are you here?”

while what he says here is true yes, it also sounds like “you cannot die, i’m here to ‘save’ you because i want to live.”

then to this when wolfwood knows and accepts he will die— the sheer HORROR on vash’s face when he realizes wolfwood wont allow him to save him.

few pages ahead, vash’s monologue starts and these old panels come up. “deep down, he had become very close to me.” basically implying that back then, during the ‘shoot’ moment, they weren’t really close. and when vash accused him: “you’re the coward here.”, “you give up all hope so easily”, it was almost surface level in a way? talking to him at surface level

but now, so many chapters later when wolfwood really does give up hope, vash, with all of his developed love through out the story realizes how differently he feels now. wolfwood made him put a fucking gun to his head (giving up hope), and vash who only scolded and accused him, vs vol10 where when wolfwood gives up hope, vash feels straight terror, that he’s really going to lose him. (also the inverted panel is just so gorgeous.)

the whole “isnt that right, wolfwood?” just proves my entire point that vash’s presence here in this fight steps over the line of vulnerability they had created. he knows how he feels, and he knows that wolfwood feels the same, even if hes speaking to him indirectly.

[moonsaver]

thoughts on sunday after 2.2? i remember playing through the quest and being FLABBERGASTED the whole time like my GOD he is not beating the yan! allegations after this one. literally so much about his philosophy and perspective on life, and everything seemed to align with that sort of mindset imo and it was just like LSKJDGLSKJDGLJSFJKD

I wanted to answer both asks because i really want an opportunity to just go full blown in on sunday right now!!

Also, YESS i know right? I want to put him in a little glass jar enclosure and shake him around a bit. He's my creature dont touch him!!

Tw: yandere, manipulation, lovebombing(?)

Okay so one thing that I majorly believe in is Sunday was actually deeply lonely, and was much more prone to loneliness than Robin ever was, especially considering the fork in the road regarding their "paths" with Harmony vs Order. I feel that Robin was generally able to get along well with the adults like an amiable kid, but Sunday only ever got along with adults being looked at like "an old soul" and was let in on far more complicated and morally messed up stuff earlier than Robin, which could explain his tendency to never share about his own troubles (as Robin mentions).

And I feel like having been bottling up these feelings for so damn long, it's honestly messed with his head. And the slightest bit of resistance from anyone supposed to be under his control is met with overwhelming "disciplinary actions".

If yan!sunday ever manages to sit down and have a quiet, long talk with his darling, it's going to be quite possibly the most frustrating talk ever. He's not wrong, but he's not completely right either. Trying to disprove him is futile – he'll bolt down each and every argument against his ideals, and honestly starts trying to embed his own ideals into you bit by bit. Like water droplets on a weathered rock. He wears down his darling over time, and it's quite possibly over for you if he decides he wants to throw in the whole "triple faced soul" hypnotising debacle. You can't hide a single thing from this man.

Of course, I don't think he'll go that far unless it's absolutely necessary. Or he has, and you just don't realise it until you're stuck deep inside of a sweet little dream. However, I feel like even if you have the complete opposite views, he's still going to let you be for the most part. He doesn't want to transform his darling – frankly speaking, that's practically changing the very person who he loved in the first place. He holds a bit of sincerety in his heart, which he constantly condemns, but still keeps; a part of him does hope his darling comes around to his views, and at least learns to adjust to them instead of vehemently resisting. He still wants to be able to maintain some level of equity/equality in your "relationship" (as long as he still has more control, of course).

In the other route as mentioned in the second ask, if darling does have similar, but not same views, Sunday is a bit disappointed, although he does suppose it's not the worst..

He's most likely going to ask you about your views, and earnestly listen and make sense of it. Sits down and quietly, patiently listens to you as you try and explain your own views, why you think he's wrong, etc.. and for a moment, you think he's actually being.. kind of sweet. Which is promptly shaken off in the next phase –

He becomes the biggest ASSHOLE.

At first he's pleasant about it; gently persuading you to consider other ideas (his, basically). Sooner that persuading turns to thinly restrained coercion, until he's in a full-blown argument with you.

He starts out with each and every point of yours, whittles it down, breaks and crumbles it apart and hands it back to you with his own, perfectly polished views. He denies, manipulates or twists every little thing you said to his own benefit, speaking in that calm, factual voice of his with pityingly warm, golden eyes that frustrate you; this is the man that's bending every word of yours to his benefit, but at the same time he has so much loneliness and earnest in his eyes you don't know what to say, whether it'll be too harsh, or not. It's a weird game of manipulation and wordplay that eventually breaks you down into hot tears, which he so gently and lovingly wipes away after taking off his gloves. Burying your head into his neck and softly whispering comforting words into your ear; I know, darling, it's hard. I'm sure it's not easy to accept, I know, dear.

It's frustrating, but it's so.. comforting and loving that you almost don't want it to stop. His hand is lovingly petting your head or rubbing your back, his voice coos at you in comfort. If you didn't know any better – you'd think he was more akin to a siren than an angel.

[girl4music]

‘When In Rome’ doesn’t seem all that important of an episode at first. But then you realize Xena basically commissioned Gabrielle to kill Crassus. It’s painful cause you know Gabrielle is a person that genuinely does appreciate human life and won’t kill just for the sake of it. If it can be avoided, she will avoid it. Yet, she’s forced to decide time and time again for what to do in the heat of the moment and the conclusion seems to always be for somebody to die. Whether it be herself, Xena or other, and sometimes even at her own hand. She said she accepted the consequences of living her life with Xena early in their travels together, but I don’t think she accounted for the fact she’d have to kill just to keep her and Xena alive. Or, like in the case of this episode, to save Vercinix, a good, innocent man and a hero to his people, from being executed at the order of Caesar. It wasn’t just about sacrificing her own life, it was also sacrificing and betraying everything she stood for so that her and Xena could survive. Season 4 was the storyline for this. Choosing pacifism because she believed it was the right Way for her, then breaking it again when Xena was left vulnerable and defenceless and she had no other option but to make that split-second decision to kill those soldiers that were going to kill her. It was inevitable the way she’d end up. Whether it is a good thing or not is up to you and how you perceive the situations that happen within the episodes. Your better judgement.

This is the life Gabrielle chose. To experience and face all the violence, blood and pain again and again, being just as much a partaker in it as trying to stop it from happening… Just to be with Xena. That’s got to be the most tragically romantic, beautiful and powerful thing I’ve ever known. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Xena and Gabrielle truly are the greatest love story ever told, and I’m not just saying it because they’re my OTP. I’ll be damned if I ever find anything more romantic than Gabrielle’s insistence to throw away her morality for Xena. She’s going against her own sense of self time and again just to protect and defend people’s lives. Especially Xena’s. It’s a testament to how much and how deeply she really loves her and that’s so incredibly romantic. Wouldn’t you agree?

This is another episode where no one really cares about the Xena/Caesar fued. This episode belongs to Gabrielle and her struggle to betray her ideals by personally sending Crassus to the executioner. Commissioned and expected to by Xena, no less.

She's the heart of the whole story here. It all wraps tightly around her.

Just like 'The Deliverer', without what's going on with Gabrielle, it's just another cat-and-mouse Xena VS Caesar game and even though I love the Rome episodes, they're not as interesting as you think they are without Gabrielle’s stuff. And as great as all the other writers are with Gabrielle’s representation and development, only Steven truly gets what Gabrielle’s about. Him and Renee really make this show resonate far beyond a villain-turned-hero seeking redemption story.

Without Gabrielle - this show is half its watch value. Well and truly.

[lilybecca1]

An analysis about "Their feelings becoming one"

So far, this panel still has been a mystery, we still don't know what it's really supposed to mean. Their feelings become one? What feelings? Their love for each other?

Well, as good as that may sound, I don't think that's the case here particularly. In some way, yes, it does symbolize their love for each other, and that doesn't necessarily mean romantic. It's the true, unconditional love for the person that means the whole world to you, who is more important to you than anyone else. At this moment, you can see that realization settle in their eyes as they look at each other. As they realize that the person right in front of them is the one who they'd do anything for.

But let's talk about what "their feelings becoming one" means.

The whole manga basically revolves around their story and how they've grown to accept the sides of the other that they themselves have lacked in the beginning. It began with them, Bakugo's Win to Save, and Midoriya's Save to Win. The story has always revolved around this concept, what it means to be a true hero. Like All Might said, in order to reach their full potential, they have to accept and embrace the other side of the coin too, not just their own ideals on what they believe being a hero is.

“After being a hero for so many years you learn a few things. Striving to be the best, like you, young Bakugou, and caring deeply about people, about rescuing those in trouble, like you, young Midoriya; both of those feelings are necessary in a hero, otherwise they’ll never truly be able to represent justice. That’s why you admire his strength so much, young Midoriya…and I know that’s why you’ve always feared his heart and spirit, young Bakugou. Now that you’ve laid your feelings out on the table, maybe you can understand each other. If you have mutual respect and focus on making one another stronger, I’ve no doubt you’ll become the ultimate heroes, winning and saving people at the same time.” 

That's the real story here, that was the main purpose of the whole manga. It's about their journey on accepting the other's point of view and becoming a true hero. A hero that doesn't only win or save, but both.

In the beginning, Bakugo believed that being a hero is winning at any cost, meanwhile for Izuku, it was about saving at any cost, no matter the outcome. This side of Deku always triggered something inside Bakugo because he never understood why someone would have such a strong desire to help others and save them, even at the cost of his own wellbeing. He thought of it as a weakness, it was something that pissed him off to no end. That was until Deku vs Kacchan 2, when he finally started to see the bigger picture. After having this realization about Deku, and after All Might told him that in order to be the ultimate hero he'd have to accept Izuku's point of view, Bakugo started to focus on saving too, not just winning.

Izuku on the other hand, started off the opposite. He wanted to save and help others more than anything, and to him, it didn't matter coming out as a winner in the end, because to him, saving meant winning. It didn't matter to him what happens to his own body because he always put others over himself. But he always looked up to Kacchan and admired him for his determination to win no matter what, and to him, Kacchan is the image of victory, Kacchan is the embodiment, the symbol of winning. In Izuku's mind, Kacchan always had what he didn't.

His whole view of what winning is supposed to be comes from Kacchan, not All Might. Deku started to view Kacchan as his image of victory at the moment when he saw him stand up to his bullies. And the image of saving is what comes from All Might, as we know from that debut video that Izuku loved.

For Kacchan, his image of winning comes from All Might, but the image of saving has always come from Izuku. Right from that first moment when Deku reached his hand out to him. At first he thought it was pity, but deep down he always knew that it was more than that.

He knew that Izuku's desire to save was stronger than anyone else's, and that's what made him concerned. Because Deku's desire to save was so strong that Katsuki knew he'd go to any lengths to do it. Even if it meant hurting himself in the process.

------

“I’d never admit something like this to your face, but the truth is…when I get riled up and my desire to win surpasses my desire to save someone…without meaning to, I start talking like you. You’re so mean sometimes, and I hate it, but my idea of victory is so tied to the image of you in my head, that in those moments I can’t help but imitate you."

Bakugo wasn't the only one who rejected this side of the other at first. Deku hated it, he used to suppress this desire to win inside of him because he saw that as a weakness too. He knew that saving came first, but upon being riled up, he'd throw that out the window, and he didn't want that. He thought of it as a side of himself that he should reject.

But over time, he has also grown to accept that side of himself, and he started to realize that winning is just as important as saving. His idea of victory is so tied to the image of Kacchan in his head, that he can't help but imitate him whenever he desires to win. Kacchan is the one who gave the Win to Save to Izuku, because the idea of what winning is supposed to look like comes from Kacchan too. Without Kacchan, it wouldn't exist. And without Izuku, Bakugo's Save to Win wouldn't exist either. For Katsuki, the Symbol of Saving is Izuku, and that's why he starts mumbling and analyzing in the last battle. That's why he jumps in knowing that he'll die, because he knew Izuku would do the same.

It has always been them. The story has always been about them, because they complete eachother. They are the two sides of the same coin. Without the other, they wouldnt exist.

Because remember, Izuku's body only moved on its own once he realized it was Kacchan.

And Katsuki's body only moved on its own once he realized that Izuku was in danger.

They are the person that awakens the hero inside of the other. Without the other, they wouldn't be true heroes. They were always meant to be true heroes together, because they push each other to be their best self, and they couldn't reach their full potential without the other.

So I say it again: the story is about the two of them and how they become the ultimate heroes together. The story wouldn't exist without the relationship that they have. THEY give each other the meaning of what it means to be a hero. All Might was always just an ideal, something that planted the dream of being a hero inside their head. But not in their heart. They never needed him, because All Might was their hero, but they were the ones in each others life.

They are two halves, and by embracing the other, they embrace being a true hero as well.

And do they ever become true heroes?

They do, and let me explain it.

This panel right here is very important in more ways than one. I think this panel is meant to symbolize the peak of the entire story, it's meant to symbolize them achieving what they have been working for in the entire manga.

This is the beginning of them being true heroes. Quoting All Might, "both of those feelings are necessary in a hero, otherwise they’ll never truly be able to represent justice". And right at this moment, their feelings become one. This is the moment where they finally embrace both sides of the coin. "Their feelings become one"="Their desire to Save to Win and Win to Save become the desire to Win AND to Save"

It's not Save to Win OR Win to Save anymore. Neither desire is stronger than the other anymore.

Look at Bakugo's panel. Right at that moment when his and Izuku's eyes meet, he realizes that winning isn't as important as it was anymore. He realizes that he desires to save Izuku just as strong as he desires to win. He realizes that winning doesn't mean anything if Izuku isn't there by his side.

And when Izuku sees Kacchan, he realizes that he has to win in order to be able to save him. He has to win this fight, because if he didn't, his world wouldn't have Kacchan in it anymore. He realizes that he has to keep fighting on, for Kacchan. That he has to win so Kacchan can live on in a world where he is safe.

At that moment when their eyes meet, both of their hearts feel that Saving to Win and Winning to Save are equally important.

By embracing the connection that they have, by embracing their other half, the person that completes them, they have finally given eachother the heart of a true hero.

[inthehouseoffinwe]

Aite, female character and general inclusivity rant incoming. Hate it and want to make a post? Sure. But give me the respect I gave those who inspired this and don’t tag me in it:

People immediately bringing the ‘female character’ argument into things drives me insane. Like we know she’s a female character, but trust me, that’s got very little to do with why people dislike her.

Are some people misogynistic? Absolutely!

Are most people misogynistic? No.

When we talk about Galadriel, and Luthien, and Elwing, and Aredhel, and Nimloth, and Melian, and Nerdanel, and Ahsoka, and Padme, and *insert literally any female character from any fandom here*, being female has nothing to do with it. It barely crosses our minds.

So for the love of all that is good, stop bringing ‘but she’s a female character! Anyone who sees her as anything but perfect, or thinks the male characters made better choices than her is obviously horrible and misogynistic and would never do this to a man :(‘ Into arguments.

I don’t care how few there are in the work. You can explain why you like her without blaming people for hating on the fact she’s female when 95% don’t. There are very literally hundreds of other reasons people interpret fictional events which portray the fem char negatively.

Especially in work like the Silm which is written by a canonical in-universe historian with basic backstory. We have every right to see him as unreliable and play with what that could mean. Doesn’t make it misogynistic if we want to see female characters as more shifty than they’re outwardly portrayed. Many of us often do the same with male characters, and even if we don’t, you have no right to judge someone so harshly when you barely know a thing about them outside an online persona. 99.9% of people don’t even consider male vs female when they write these things. And it’s not because of some weird subconscious misogyny either.

This is mainly aimed at those who bring this up over. And over. And over again in some weird attempt at guilt tripping people into ‘liking’ characters.

On the topic of things people do that make no sense, if characters are stated as being white, and an artist draws them all white. You have no right to say they’re being racist or whatever else you want to come up with.

Nor do you have the right to slander anyone who casually points out the character is white if others draw them as anything else. If we can call out whitewashing, we can talk about the opposite too. As long as the person isn’t being outright rude, have a conversation.

And don’t get me started on tagging pieces of fanart and fics specifically created platonic with a ship. Like the work? Great! Now respect the intentions of the person who created it.

No one in a fandom space, especially artists and writers, owes inclusivity of any kind when running off canon source material. You want to blame someone for a boring cast, blame the author! But even in general? You don’t get to force or guilt others to create content - original work included - that fits your ideal.

Yes I’m a writer and artist of original and fan content. Yes I’ve experienced all of these directly or indirectly.

Sincerely, a young brown woman tired of all the double standards.

[genericpuff]

I feel like if Rachel wanted, she could’ve genuinely made LO an intriguing story if she decided to have characters likes Persephone, and Hades, and Hera being assholes and hurting people, the story showing us how much they hurt and then the characters not caring in an obvious way to show them as of being terrible. Like having Persephone’s inner monologue as she manipulates Hades and has the King of the Underworld wrapped around her finger and how much she would’ve enjoyed that. Try to show characters like Minthe in a sympathetic light without trying to double down on how evil they are.

Oh yeah, I LOVE indulging in dark fiction with fucked up protagonists, but the reality is that in most of them they actually, y'know... acknowledge that those protagonists are fucked up, and are usually used as a way to showcase why people like them shouldn't be empathized with (and it's even more satisfying when they inevitably fall on their own sword, see: Walter White, Light Yagami, etc.)

Sure, the execution of the narrative might find sneaky ways to make you empathize with them, but it's more so to call into question your own ideals and really make you think about what you're empathizing with vs. glorifying them.

I wrote an essay ages ago about Episode 165 that you might be interested in reading if you haven't yet. It basically explores the concept of what would have happened if Rachel had stuck to making Persephone intentionally manipulative, rather than trying to play both fields at once by writing her doing genuinely shitty things but still trying to pass it off as justified and "girlboss". I wouldn't have nearly as much issue with the narrative if the point was to show Persephone become corrupted over time at the hands of Hades, or if Persephone herself was a genuinely awful person whose actions came to light over time and justified why she'd make a perfect Dread Queen, but neither of those are the case here. Rachel just writes her like the 2016 Tumblr definition of a "bad bitch", someone who thinks it's cool to be mean to anyone who they deem weaker than them but cries when they have to ask the waitress for extra ketchup LOL (I could go into a lot about how Rachel herself behaves that way but that's a way more loaded topic for another post)

[olderthannetfic]

A fandom friend is convinced there's something wrong with me and I must have self-worth issues because normal people with healthy self-esteem and self-image wrote OCs as a kid that were self-inserts. I didn't, I wrote characters who were basically whatever I thought was cool at the time (which changed a lot over the years) and into something weird to add flavor to them. So instead of my Arab, ADHD AFAB self writing Arab ADHD AFAB OCs who shared my interests, I'd have a white autistic guy whose special interest was geology and who also loved basketball (I hate sports), or a black agender kid who had some symptoms of schizoaffective disorder, was really into art and art history and loved sweets. One character would be cool like my dad, always witty and ready to say a cool one liner, and another would be cool like my mom, calm, controlled and never responding to haters. None of them share much in common with me. And my friend is convinced this is a mental health red flag, because normal people and even abnormal people always write OCs who are like themselves, idealized versions of themselves, or otherwise are some degree of self-insert.

The more I think about it, the weirder I feel for not doing this. It feels like I didn't do fandom correctly, but also, maybe she's right? Maybe there is something wrong with not putting myself into my narratives. Why wouldn't I put myself in my fics if I liked myself? It's really unsettling to think about but I think I've realized she might have a point.

Then I thought of you. You've been in fandom way longer than either of us (we're both teenagers, for context) and you know a lot about fandom and psychology. So I figured if anyone could tell me what this says about me, it'd be you. What does it mean if you never wrote any OCs with self-insertion components and just kind of wrote random things instead? Does it mean anything bad?

--

Your friend is a moron.

'Fantasies about self' vs. 'no fantasies about self' is a major division among people. It's not just a page on the asexuality wiki about sex fantasies but an entire axis of interest. Hang around slash/BL fandom in particular and you will find a metric fuckton of people who never self-inserted.

Self inserts make my skin crawl.

It is a feeling of visceral disgust that was always there. How can anyone like that? Don't ask me to. Don't tell me about it. Ew, ew, ew, ew. It's like a mild form of dysphoria it's that bad sometimes.

Tell your friend to stop using Wattpad as the litmus test for normalcy.

Some of us were always more AO3.

[wolfsbanesparks]

Could you elaborate more on marvel family insecurities and their transformations??pls more about Mary 🙏?

-Same anon that ask about freddy/capt marvel junior appearance

Hi anon! I'd be happy to elaborate!

Let's go one by one shall we?

Billy:

So Billy, in basically every iteration, receives his powers when he's at his lowest point--homeless, orphaned, alone, with a history of bring hurt by people that should have protected him. His Captain Marvel body is not just who he wished he could be/an idealized version of himself, but also takes on a form (in most versions at least) similar or identical to his dad.

The reason (in my interpretation of things) that Billy's Cap form is an adult is because he was at a point where he was very insecure about being a kid on his own. He felt powerless for a long time, forced to just deal with whatever life threw at him. He was old enough to know that people don't respect kids they way they do adults and they don't trust them the same way either. If he wanted to be a hero that was respected, that people could trust to take care of them, then he had to look the part--and to Billy that meant looking like an adult, the one he loved and respected the most aka his dad.

For all that Billy and Cap are a wish fulfillment fantasy, Billy is a kid constantly growing up too fast, being more responsible than any kid his age should have to be. Being Cap lets him indulge certain childish things without losing the respect he'd fought so hard for.

It's also partly wanting to look powerful so no one tried to mess with him (Billy gets beat up and bullied all the time but people would think twice about doing that to someone like Captain Marvel). His Cap form is almost like a protective shield between him and the people who hurt him.

Also because I love my trans Billy headcanon, I think that having such a grown up, hypermasculine looking idealized self reflects a lot of trans kids who can't imagine how their transition will go, but know what they wished the end result would look like. Billy wants people to look at him and see a man, not a girl.

Freddy:

So I touched a bit on this in your first ask, but in most iterations of the character Freddy's ideal self is just who he was before the accident that disabled him. Across iterations, Freddy has always been very confident in himself, very self assured, very comfortable with his looks and his place in the world. That is until he becomes disabled and suddenly he can't do the things he used to, he's constantly in pain, and he feels weak/like a burden to those around him.

He essentially wants to turn back the clock and be fully able-bodied again.

This works best when it's about a Freddy who is recently disabled and is struggling with that, especially the sudden new rejection/prejudice he has to face, but it can also worked for a Freddy that has been disabled for most of his life as well, who largely sees his disability as the primary obstacle to becoming who he wants to be.

Barring the most recent comics, he's always been depicted as a teen while powered up, showing he doesn't have the same hang ups about being a kid vs adult that Billy does. He knows that if he proves he's capable then people will love and respect him despite his age.

Mary:

Mary is an interesting case because unlike the boys her interpretations have been more evenly split--some depicting her as a teen and others as an adult. The current run has her basically looking the same age as she is, but because she's older (18-19 since she's a college freshman) she straddles that line.

Earliest versions of Mary have her being a teen. So much like Freddy, those versions of Mary don't have hang ups about needing to be an adult to be respected and powerful. Which makes sense because she was rich and smart and talented at everything she did--her parents never stifled her and people rarely told her no (not even Billy could tell her no) She had as much power as a girl her age could have and she delighted in proving she was just as strong and capable as any boy, she didn't need to change her appearance to do that. (People have even joked that despite having the Beauty of Aphrodite as a power she still looked the same--she was already as beautiful as she wanted to be)

Now some versions have her looking like an adult to match Billy's Captain Marvel and in those versions she's often said to look like their mother, which i think is crucial. Taking Power of Shazam Mary as the main example, she has amnesia and has forgotten her birth family so looking like her birth mother gives her a really solid connection to that part of her family that she desperately doesn't want to forget again. She can't forget her mom's face if she has the exact same one now can she? (I imagine she is deeply insecure about her own memory because of the amnesia)

But she is also, on some level trying to consciously match Billy's Cap--he's her blueprint in a way. She looks older in part because he looks older, if she wants to keep up with him/become the same caliber of hero as he is then she needs to look the part.

Now current Mary, who is an older teen and looks roughly the same while powered up, often feels caught between two worlds (kid and adult, magic vs normal, hero vs civilian) and is afraid she won't live up to Billy's legacy despite being the one he entrusted powers to. But being older won't help her the same way it does her younger foster siblings--she's already technically an adult, she doesn't need magic to make her one.

I can definitely flesh out these ideas some more, but that's the basic gist of my interpretations! I'd love to hear what everyone else has to say about it!

[hopeforchanges]

okay hot take here don't bash my head in ... Sauron and Galadriel ≠ Orlok and Ellen

idk am i the only one who doesn't see it? i stayed away from speaking on the topic cause i didn't feel i had all the information to engage in any meaningful convo but now that a good amount of time has passed and I have listened and read other people's arguably passionate stances on this (which is great! i love when people enjoy something, it gives me joy too!!) i must say .... i don't get it lol

let me explain myself:

I get that certain aesthetics or vibes might overlap (dark, brooding antagonist vs. a luminous, female protagonist), the comparison completely falls apart when you dig into their actual characterizations.

Ellen as a Symbol of Maidenhood vs. Galadriel as a Warrior

Ellen is basically a paragon of feminine virtue: she's all about purity, innocence, and ultimate sacrifice. She represents a kind of moral ideal that aligns with the trope of the "selfless maiden." Sure there is darkness in here but like ... where? lol in the words of one of my favorite complicated female characters of the silver screen: "I can't see it, I can't touch it, I can't feel it. I can hear it, I can hear some words but I can't do anything with your easy words."

Galadriel is a warrior, a soldier, a power-hungry monarch. She was born a princess into a life of great privilege. Galadriel is ambitious, vengeful, and actively pursuing power. She definitely embodies characteristics that are more commonly associated with male domination. I love both the feminine in Ellen and the masculine in Galadriel. They just don't overlap imo.

Orlok’s Selfish Awareness vs. Sauron’s Delusional “Vision”

Orlok is unapologetically monstrous. He’s a selfish predator who knows exactly what he is and doesn’t care. He’s not trying to justify himself or claim he’s “saving” anyone—he just feeds on people because that’s what he does.

Sauron thinks he’s doing the right thing. In his mind, his actions are about order, preservation, and the “greater good.” That lack of self-awareness is huge—it makes him a completely different type of villain. Orlok leans into his evil; Sauron justifies it - doesn't even think he's the evil force - definitely not in his story.

The Core Dynamic Feels Wrong

Ellen and Orlok’s relationship is built on fear and revulsion. Ellen sacrifices herself to stop Orlok—she lures him to his doom. There’s no room for ambiguity there; he’s the predator, and she’s the prey.

Galadriel and Sauron are equals. None of them can land the killing blow because they don't want to, not because they can't. Their dynamic is tangled up in grudging respect, power struggles, and even a weird sort of kinship. Galadriel isn’t diminished or destroyed by Sauron like Ellen was by Orlok; quite the contrary. Galadriel was empowered by Sauron, healed through him (at least in the show which is the medium i am basing my opinions on, not necessarily the tolkien legendarium). That's why it's so funny to me that in season 2 he can't figure out why she won't say yes to him when she used to drool over his mortal form and so he transforms into Glambrand as his big fix cause he thinks THAT is what the issue is lol you were her friend, dumbass, that's literally it. you supported her and believed in her when no one did and couched her so she could achieve her goals - helped her self-actualize.

There are no such layers and complexities in Ellen and Orlok's relationship. Plus, the fact that he came to her first when she was a kid gives me the ick, sorry. it's giving phantom of the opera. and i HATE phantom of the opera (the original book by Leroux, the musical kinda slaps tbh)

TL;DR:

Yes, Ellen calls Orlok a deceiver, but that’s where the parallels end for me. Ellen = pure, selfless sacrifice; Galadriel = complex, power-driven warrior. Orlok = evil and knows it; Sauron = evil but thinks he’s the hero. Their dynamics are fundamentally different, and the Orlok/Ellen comparison just doesn’t hold up under scrutiny.

If I’m missing something, feel free to convince me otherwise, but for now? Nah, I don’t see it.

[not-poignant]

Stupid question, but I remembered seeing you mention having monthly minimum wordcounts on one of your previous posts and I wanted to ask if you're a professional writer? Because at first I was like "that sounds so stressful"* and then I realized that it makes a lot more sense if you're doing it for a living.

*Also acknowledging that people are different from each other and what is stressful for one person might be productive and useful for another.

I am a professional writer!

My original serials are my job, basically, and they're supported by generous folks at Patreon and Ream. That, in turn, allows me to do this in a more professional and focused way, vs. say just as a hobbyist who doesn't update for 9 months at a time. It also lets me share my works for free, in a fandom friendly manner, which lets me keep doing something I love in a way I love to do it, but in a way which is like...I guess more reliable than you'd necessarily be if you were only doing it for fun.

I can instead pledge high fidelity/loyalty to my main serials through thick and thin (hence my wild author's notes), which means folks following WIPs get to know they'll be finished, and I get to enjoy doing this for a living! It's hard, but it's a good hard. Except for taxes.

As for my monthly minimum, that actually started as a way to break out of the very ableist 'you should write every day' (as a professional writer) which is literally impossible for me and my chronic illnesses. I sometimes have big chunks of time where I can't write, sometimes weeks! And where it would be unhealthy for me to make myself.

(More about my writing process beneath the Read More!)

Alongside that, I have quite severe dyscalculia (think dyslexia but with numbers and directions and left and right lol) so I can't keep a 'running wordcount' because the numbers confuse me too much. Luckily, because my writing life is defined by chapters completed (and not novels), I count the wordcount of every finished chapter only. Unfinished chapters don't count! My growing wordcount per month grows only when that draft is finished (my drafts are clean, so chapters only tend to grow or shrink by about 100-150 words per edit, so give or take it all evens out).

It's not how any other author I know does it, but it works so well for me that I've been doing it for nearly a decade now.

I started the monthly minimum (which currently is 25k words per month) because I tend towards being a workaholic, and so my therapist and I established a minimum not as an unreachable goal that's hard to meet, but as an easy goal that's generally effortless for me to reach in good months, and average months, and even many bad ones. After I hit 25k words per month, if I crash, feel burnt out, feel awful, or life gets Life-y in a bad way, I have permission to stop writing. I can just stop. Everything else is gravy. (Though secretly I always want to hit 30-35k but shhh).

When I hit 50k words, I also have to stop immediately and take a mandatory 3-5 day break from writing even if I want to keep writing. Because I don't know it yet, but I'm probably exhausted on at least some level, lol.

I didn't hit 50k at all last year and there is at least one therapist who would be really proud of me about that even though I feel kind of guilty about it, lol.

Here's an example of my tracking:

You can see the chapters I've written, which dates I've written them. They're colour coded, so I can see at a glance if I'm writing enough of a story or not. And then on the far right is an addition of every month's wordcount.

April was so low because I took an intentional writing holiday (which I'll be doing again ideally in March this year). December was so low because December sucks.

And then I erase it all at the end of the year and start again. The blank whiteboard is actually very motivating to write that first chapter because I always feel like I haven't done anything until then.

This whiteboard is two feet away from where I write quite literally, and is never moved etc. so I have a yearly tracker basically that's extremely visible (super helpful to my ADHD brain, because if I put this in a spreadsheet I'll stop updating it after 3 weeks and then forget it exists). The colour coding gives me dopamine, so does adding chapters.

Also acknowledging that people are different from each other and what is stressful for one person might be productive and useful for another.

This is true! This is actually the least stressful way of doing things for me.

That being said, anon, it's still super stressful. Being a serial writer is one of the most stressful things you do, because you have constant and never-ending deadlines for years. Novelists can kind of escape this, in a way, because they can't release novels as often as I release chapters. But I have to be mentally switched on at least 8 times a month, re: putting work out there, making sure it's at least semi-polished, making sure I let everyone know, and tracking responses because obviously, unlike a novel, if you lose interest you can't just "skip ahead" you simply lose your readers. A lot of novelists couldn't live or work this way, a) because they couldn't write a hooky serial and b) because many realise that having to update all the time is really exhausting actually. There's a kind of social labour to updating a serial, and getting it Right every single time. One of my greatest fears that I have nightmares about

Serial writing is the most stressful kind of writing I've ever done (and I've done a few different kinds), I just happen to like the adrenaline rush of this kind of writing, and I happen to work well under a controlled level of stress! I know that, because I've been doing this for over 10 years, refining it, figuring out how to make it healthier (it was really unhealthy at first), getting better at it, figuring out my weak points (some of them are still weak points) etc. I actually think I'm pretty good at it now!

I'm also getting better at not thinking my entire career is over if I take 2 weeks off.

I went from being entirely dependent on a Disability Pension, and like, sometimes having to skip meals and doctor's appointments and even medication due to money issues (the Disability Pension is ironically not enough if you have mental health issues because our subsidised healthcare doesn't cover mental health adequately and Australia has no food stamps system), to being able to live a bit more freely and support my chronic health stuff a bit more because of writing this way!

For the first time ever through these stories I was able to afford a psychiatrist, and a few other things I really desperately have needed since I was a teenager. So being able to write like this, even when it's really hard and I'm really tired, feels still like a miracle to me. I've never been well or healthy enough to work a full-time job with typical 9-5 hours, and always kind of was stuck imagining a life where I'm just...never knowing how to afford certain things, to being in a position where I'm fairly confident I can get my meds every month, or pay for my dog's pet food, etc. It's really nice.

But yeah honestly serial writing is the most stressful form of serial writing there is as soon as you lock it in as a professional job where you must meet nearly 10 deadlines every month and you happen to have pretty intense ADHD so deadlines make you scream a little.

Sometimes what is extremely stressful and sometimes even distressing for someone is also extremely productive and rewarding for them too. We probably wouldn't have a lot of emergency surgeons if that were the bar for how we decide what we do!

[evenmyhivemindisempty]

How are the boys when it comes to hookup culture?Who would never fuck unless they're in an actual relationship?Who claims they can ~easily~ do casual except they catch feelings way too fast and end up hurt?Who is walking around able to screw a different person for every day of the month?

Steve Murphy: He’d be absolutely terrible at it if he ever tried, but I suspect he already knows this about himself. He won’t do hookups with strangers period, but man, if he ever got into a situationship?? Even if he tried to keep it casual, he’s catching feelings so fast and ending up pissed off and/or heartbroken. I mean, hell, just look the longing expressions he shoots Javi when he thinks Javi can’t see!

Donald Pierce: I HC that when the urge to get dicked down gets intense enough, he’ll download Grindr or hit up a gay bar and have some quick, dirty, anonymous sex that he feels gross about immediately afterwards. It’s for the best those trysts are one-offs though - he’s absolutely gonna catch feelings fast if he’s seeing someone on a regular (or even semi-regular) basis. I think Pierce generally wants some kind of *commitment*. He’s ~better~ at doing more casual FWB arrangements with women, but even then, it’s still gonna get emotional eventually. (It’s the cuddling! It makes him fall in love! Platonic or romantic, it doesn’t matter – it all kind of blends together for him!)

Cap Hatfield: I can see Cap getting into doing non-sexual impact play and rope scenes with his local kink community, and I think in that situation he wouldn’t necessarily need to have an established relationship with his play partners, although he’d prefers to have some regulars he does scenes with vs different people every time. Cap absolutely does not participate in casual sex though.

Clement Mansell: It’s unpredictable with Clement! If he’s not in a relationship, he’s happily fucking around with an assortment of different people, but he’ll sometimes randomly catch feelings. Clement isn’t shy about telling them when it happens, and I think a lot of the time, historically, it’s been reciprocated (Clement likes being liked! A lot of the people he falls for are the ones giving him sweetness and emotional intimacy), but when he’s not, he’s absolutely heartbroken. Expect a lot of sad songs and acting out in dive bars until he finds someone new to fall in love with.

The Corinthian: The Corinthian’s better at hookups than relationships, and not just because of his tendency to murder his victim- er, lover. The Corinthian loves being able to superficially dazzle someone and then have great sex!! Ideal! I don’t think he really knows what to do beyond those more shallow interactions though - even with Carl, he started getting weird fast when he got asked the pretty basic fucking question: “do you read”.

Eli Klaber: Klaber only has sex in committed relationships! He’ll do the occasional threesome as a treat though.

Danny Maguire: He absolutely fucks around with girls he meets at parties or clubs, and it rarely go great for anyone involved. For starters, he’s sort of a lousy and inconsiderate fuckbuddy (if you wanna manage to have a decent time with Danny, best bet is to just knock him flat on the bed and ride him to your heart’s content!), but also, he’s not really enjoying himself much either! He’s mostly going through the motions of what he thinks a cool mafia heir like him should be doing, and then goes home feeling some type of way he doesn’t understand and immediately hops into the shower.

Ty Shaw: He’s definitely had casual sex; he’s fine with it and conducts himself well, but he prefers relationships, or at least genuinely friendly FWBs. (Hm, you know? I wonder if in some ways he might prefer having a handful of stable, affectionate, long-term FWBs to a more defined relationship. I also don’t think Ty does monogamy super well, but that’s a whole other thing.)

Quinn McKenna: He’s had hookups before. He can do it if it’s clearly stated in advance what this is (he doesn’t like ambiguity!). That being said, I don’t think he usually bothers. It’s just not worth it. He doesn’t exactly have the biggest libido, and hooking up with people is always a lot of work every time.

[yourplaywright]

Thinking about who would succeed Megatron as Decepticon leader

Like, okay, I have two very specific scenarios in mind: one where Megatron and Optimus are basically teleported away and locked away somewhere and their respective teams have to rescue them (alive!! They all know they’re alive because that changes the scenario a lot) and so someone must lead. The second scenario would be a proper passing of the torch, which I’ll get to later. These both take place in the Generation One Cartoon continuity, also before the 86 movie. No one is dying lol

But…. yeah, who would?

Before we can get to that, we do have to ask: what makes a good Decepticon leader? Like, why does Megatron lead?

My short answer is the fact that Megatron has been the defacto leader for so long now, plus the ideals he embodies. The Decepticons are less like an organised team in the cartoon and are more akin to a pretty dysfunctional military family bitter rivals… who also have space guns. Yeah. As we can see in many episodes, Megatron’s leadership tends to default to ‘Yell And Threaten And Hit’ which works! Some of the time! <Cue One!Starscream saying his bit about strength over another, yada yada.> Megatron pretty much just hits anyone who tries to overthrow him.

… which leads to a pretty nasty power vacuum, like what we saw in the 86 movie, though less intense due to how he’s still There.

Obviously, Starscream tries to swoop in immediately with his ‘MEGATRON HAS FALLEN’ spiel. Cue Shockwave hitting him.

Starscream fails as a Decepticon leader because, despite the fact he’s wickedly smart and does have the firepower and a few followers to back him up, he’s very shortsighted. His flaws lie in how impatient he is, really. Screamer is smart but doesn’t have the (semi) wisdom in leading that Megatron has acquired. Short term gain vs long term consequences hasn’t clicked in his mind yet, and it probably won’t for a while. I believe in one continuity Megatron specifically stated that he was kind of training Starscream to take over as leader for the qualities I mentioned but that he wasn’t ready yet, as evidenced by everything. He has a long way to go before he can lead bots like the Decepticons, even if he won’t admit it.

So, Soundwave, yeah? Dude’s the glue holding this army together, whenever he leaves it all goes to scrap, he’s probably puppeteering Megatron behind the scenes. While very funny, I honestly doubt he’d ever take full control in the cartoon world. He did have a bid for power in the 86 movie IIRC but was content enough to follow behind Starscream when he won. What gives? Soundwave works best as a spymaster/communications guy. He’s in Megatron’s ear as a trusted advisor and someone to fall back on, but he never takes full control. Soundwave flourishes when he’s not in the limelight like Megatron does, dude goes on whole stakeouts where he just chills in altmode until someone gets curious and picks him up (or the infamous lamp transformation). Laserbeak is also a very specific spying tool. Considering how it seems like he has to go at least partially AFK during those sessions, it’s best he works in the shadows to help out the leader behind the scenes. He also strikes me as the kind of guy to really believe in the Decepticon cause beyond Megatron, so he would be forthcoming to a leader who can actually lead (looking at you, Screamer).

Then… Shockwave? Absolutely not, I love my guy but he’s a bit of a joke (CARTOON ONLY. I’m aware he’s actually scary in the comics). My mans got relegated to guard duty on Cybertron, which he fails at REPEATEDLY all the time once the space bridge is open and also those female Autobots kept stealing from him. Dude can’t shoot to save his life, he tries to bid for power and goes down after Astrotrain and Blitzwing make a 5-klick treaty to beat him up a bit. In the situation where Megatron is still alive, I suspect he might even split off from the main ‘Cons to stage his own rescue mission, because half the guys are arguing and the other half are scheming to get rid of Megatron. My favourite girlfailure probably gets captured almost immediately, but it’s the thought that counts.

So who leads the Decepticons? Ahah, clickbait, because I’m saving that for tomorrow. Though a quickfire:

Astrotrain does not get very far, I’m sorry. We saw how he turned out.

Blitzwing, if he had the opportunity, might be somewhat competent accidentally. With his SIC the former coach, he interrupts some Autobot plans and has a basic outline for rescuing Megatron before he’s stopped, either by another ‘Con or the Autobots.

The Constructicons self-destruct. They’re barely functional together and now they have to compete for leadership? Done for, over with. They’re saved by the fact that they form Devastator and can wreck the competition, but Hook complains about the state of the Decepticons, Long Haul wants to best up Autobots, and Scavenger’s best isn’t good enough.

Skywarp and Thundercracker don’t really have personalities ): My boys follow Starscream, being terrible advisors (one moreso than the other).

Waahoo. More to come tomorrow, might mess around and do the Autobots too, who knows!

[tf2occontest]

Akari Tanaka/Aoki Aojima (The Chef) VS The Reverend

(Full matchup list here)

Alright team, here's a recap: This is a contest to determine who amongst you will take the top of the leaderboards and be hired at TFI! Simply put, whoever gets the most votes gets to move on, and whoever doesn't... Well. They'll be put down swiftly and cleanly. :}

So, mann your stations, because here are your next contestants! Vote for your favorite mercenary who you want to win the TF2 OC Contest! - P

OC INFO UNDER THE CUT!

We highly encourage you to take a peek to make your decision!

Akari Tanaka/Aoki Aojima (The Chef)

@mg-dango

Image credit: @/mg-dango

Ah, food… ¿Who doesn't love food? Even better… ¿Who doesn´t love making food? Because believe it or not, a team with an empty stomach is a lost cause, and that's when the chef comes in to the rescue!

Akari and Aoki, two ex-ninjas currently wanted in Japan and several countries for multiple charges, including murder, manslaughter, mass poisoning with sushi, terrorism, accidentally breaking a government-owned light pole, and much, much more. But despite those silly insignificant details, Chef remains optimistic and dreams with one day becoming a well known and respected Itamae on the demanding gastronomy world, maybe even one day opening their own 5 star restaurant, which is the main reason they took parts on the gravel wars as the 10th class, money has to come from somewhere, right?

Chef's task in theory is simple, they aid their teammates by throwing and feeding them sushi mid-battle, attack enemies with kitchen knives by distance or just directly stabbing, they use smoke bombs made of wasabi to mess up the aim of the enemy snipers and sentries, and last but not least, Chefs have the main ability to jump ridiculously fast to the point human eyes can't see it at first glance, a secret skill taught to ninjas.

¿Why you should vote for my chef? The main idea that came to my mind on their early designs was "Kiriko Overwatch but she's a sociopath" and from there. more and more traits from their personality came out. Chef could be defined in a few words as the trope of a living weapon that found their family and a community with a bunch of mentally unstable and insane people like them, but with a hint of sushi and ninjas of course.

If you think chef can make it on their dream of becoming a well-known chef by questionable methods, well… Vote for them! You might be getting free sushi in return :D

The Reverend

@coopster3d

Image credit: @/coopster3d

The Reverend is a religious fanatic hailing from Southern Italy, where he was raised in a commune by a group of reclusive nuns. Where, according to him, he was taught the basic necessary skills for life, which include but are not limited to: Small sword combat, butchering, and Ecclesiastical Latin. It is unknown how exactly he was ordained as his denomination remains unclear. He often fails to mention that throughout his travels, he's made some adjustments to the standard Bible, adding his own footnotes, amendments, and even on occasion, pages which he believes are the true gospel, taken from a multitude of other religions, leading to a mishmash of ideals and beliefs full of unexplained rituals. Within the team The Reverend plays a heavily supportive role, serving initially as on-base staff in the form of a “Therapist” to the Mercs, which unfortunately or not, was not clearly conveyed leading to a sacrificial killing in the Intelligence Room. Now, he is a full time member of the Mercenary team!

[ladyartichokie]

Okay, I've kind of put this in tags of different posts but I want a full post about it.

Since the first time I listened to Epic: The Musical (what had been released thus far) certain parts of the story have bugged me a little bit. (STAY WITH ME, THIS ISN'T A HATE POST). Odysseus seemed different from Homer's Odysseus in a way that I couldn't fully explain. I thought that perhaps it was motivation (honor vs. family, etc), which it is to an extent, but that's not fully it.

Disclaimer: when I talk about "the ends justifying the means" I mean evil means justifying a good end.

BUT NOW I GET WHY. In "Keep Your Friends Close", Aeolus says, "The end always justifies the means" which brought me back to my high school freshmen lit class. We read the Odyssey (and the Iliad) and basically every conversation we had on it was either: 1. Can we trust literally anything Odysseus says? 2. Do the ends justify the means? I don't have examples off the top of my head (I'll likely reblog this later with examples) but Odyssey Odysseus was ruthless. He wasn't as trigger-happy as some other Greek heroes (*cough* Achilles *cough*) but he is an ancient Greek standard for intelligence: that meant being able to kill when necessary without getting emotions involved (i.e. that time he killed Dolon in The Iliad). For Odyssey Odysseus, the ends had to justify the means.

BUT for ETM Odysseus, the ends don't justify the means. He kills Hector's baby son but he is emotionally torn up about it. He refuses to kill Polyphemus--despite Athena's demands--because he wants to be merciful. (In the Odyssey Athena and Odysseus never have this argument, btw). For ETM Odysseus, mercy is more important than making sure the job gets done. This opinion is obviously a lot more palatable for modern sensibilities.

ETM Odysseus is clever, but he isn't cunning. He is a trickster but I wouldn't call him a liar. ETM Odysseus, as a whole, is far more similar to a modern hero than an Ancient one. (I could go into how Christian morals have shaped most of Western Civilization but I'll contain myself for now). AND NOW FOR MY THESIS: ETM is a story about a modern hero in a world of ancient morals. The Odyssey is a story about the ideal ancient hero in a world of ancient morals.

But, as I said, this is NOT a hate post. I'm the daughter of two philosophy PhDs: there is little I love more than a story that explores hypothetical morals. Coming to this conclusion about the difference between the Odysseuses just makes me even more excited to keep listening to ETM.

[matan4il]

Man Suang review

Spoilers! (obviously. Also, this was written after watching the movie just once, to give my opinion as "raw" as possible)

This may seem like a weird spot to start, but I feel like I really can't review this movie properly, without pointing out that it's Moulin Rouge, except set in another country AND another genre. The latter gives it a very different feel (to a great degree, due to tone as well, MS is a serious movie, while MR, even while it does want you to care, doesn't take itself too seriously), but the basic structure of the two movies is too similar, so I have to start there.

In both cases, the movie revolves around (and gets its title from) an entertainment center, which is beautiful and alluring, but also serves as a stage for some of the uglier sides of human urges. This entertainment institution houses performers of low social status, who often also must prostitute themselves to the rich and powerful people who frequent the place. And while the whoring is pretty much built in, and no one bats an eye at it, this setting also allows for some murderous intents to surface. The plot is centered around an exceptionally beautiful and talented, lowborn entertainer, who must sell their body to get by, having aspirations to get a better life through this, and the seemingly simple guy, who is a part of their social circle at this entertainment place, who has his own aspirations, and is not as lowly, which is why he doesn't have to stoop as low as prostitution, and can offer something different. Despite the connection between them, they're both trapped in plots bigger than them, set into motion before they even met, and they have to struggle to find their way amidst all this intrigue, which moves them almost like they were pawns. By the end of the movie, there will be betrayal between the two, but also repentance, and an act of choosing each other over their initial ideal, allowing them to make decisions that are "righter" than they would have, had they not met, and ones that give them more freedom than had they simply served the initial goal they were supposed to. Through that, they gain more freedom and agency. Yet despite that, they don't end the movie being together.

Now, why do I bring this comparison up? Because while MR doesn't take itself seriously, like I said, it does want the viewer to care, and it achieves this by recognizing that they can make a mess of genres, of reality vs hallucination (hello Kylie Minogue as the Green Fairy), of time periods (soundtrack and props that have nothing to do with the year 1900), be as camp and over the top as they wanna be, but if the characters and love story are compelling, we'll all still be riveted.

And that's generally true for every movie. At the end of the day, whatever the genre, we watch first and foremost because someone made us care in some way about at least one of the characters or relationships featured in the film. My fave action movie ever works so well, not because its climax scene is so full of fists (in the middle of a lake at night in total darkness, with the very real threat of the good guy being drowned by the bad one), it hits home because this fight will actually be decided by whether the cold-blooded CIA handler, who had to train the good guy, has come to care enough about him, to be able to tell the two men apart even under these circumstances, and shoot the right person (meaning, the bad guy), saving the protagonist and countless others along the way. It's this test of their (BTW, fully platonic) relationship, that makes up the film's real climax.

So, probably my biggest issue with MS is that it seems to lose sight of that too often. It's so focused on telling us this political mystery, that it forgets at the end of the day, we're here for people and how they feel about and react to each other. The heart of the movie is the relationship between Khem (played by Apo), the entertainer forced to whore himself out, and Chat, the one guy who sees him dancing, but doesn't want just Khem's body. The parts that let their relationship breathe and develop are the best in the movie, they're the ones that feel the most authentic, interesting and impactful. They're the emotional anchor of the whole thing, and even though the movie too often neglects them, and doesn't give them enough time, they just work thanks to Mile and Apo's excellent acting, and their outstanding chemistry. Truly, it's once again a testament of how well these two fit as a team, that they're able to achieve so much, when they're giving too little breathing space for the relationship that is, at the end of the day, the very heart of the film.

The cinematography is great, though I'll admit that I was not that into the colors, I usually like vivid colors, but here they were oversaturated in a way that added a certain sense of heaviness and suffocation to my viewing experience. In a sense, it fits. Man Suang is both beautiful and ugly, alluring and repulsive. Still, I think it would have been a better choice to add the unnatural oversaturation as the ugliness unfolds. First let the viewers be seduced by the beautiful imagery and colors, only then hit them with the ugliness that all of the glitter hides. But then, the movie actually hits us with the ugly bits, with prostitution and murder, in the exposition already. Which makes me think the whole movie could have benefited from a more gradual unfolding of those parts of the entertainment world we're introduced to. Still, I will say that the parts where Khem and Chat get to know each other better, in the market, flying a kite in the field and chatting while climbed up on a tree, they don't have that oversaturation, they get to enjoy more natural lighting, and it gives these scenes a lighter feeling, which does fit. They do seem less burdened in those moments than throughout most of the film. And then the issue with this goes back to... there's just not enough of these scenes, to really give this contrast its own gravitas.

There are scenes which are redundant, they should have been cut out, like when we learn how Tubtim prefers being a whore at Man Suang than outside it. Not that her short monologue isn't touching, but let's be honest, she's not an actual character. She's a plot device, this short scene is only included to set up her change of heart, when she decides to tell Khem the truth, instead of lying. But since this doesn't give her enough depth or her own agency to become a character in her own right, and since she explains her decision to Khem anyway, it's just a waste of time, and it comes at the expense of developing the more emotionally crucial parts of the movie.

And it's not like the movie doesn't know where its emotional weight is. For example, the film's emotional climax, the moment where tensions run highest, is without a doubt the confrontation between Khem and Chat, when they accuse each other of choosing themselves and being willing to sacrifice the other one to do it. It's an effective moment, but I think it would have been so much more powerful, if we got to spend more time seeing Chat and Khem becoming increasingly more important to each other.

For that matter, the real resolution in the movie isn't to the supposed mystery of who has the secret documents and how to get them. It's the resolution of what to do with them, which is where Chat and Khem had clashed. Chat needs the documents destroyed so he and his family won't be punished (possibly killed) for his father's crime. Khem needs the documents delivered to the authorities so that he and his friend won't be punished (possibly killed) for a murder they were framed for. The real resolution of the story is when Khem chooses to burn the documents, so Chat and his family will be safe, and after he leaves, Chat saves them from the flames, and has them delivered, securing Khem's life and reward.

I really liked this part, and again, it felt lighter than the rest of the movie, giving a real sense of relief (visually as well, as there's less oversaturation, and both guys change into nicer outfits, with brighter patches of color). I also enjoyed the more complex POV they offer by the end. They both didn't want the life they were born into. Khem didn't like being of a low socio-economic status, being dependent on the good will of others. Chat didn't want to be a civil servant like his dad. As the movie ends, Khem chooses to stay at Man Suang, turning down the social mobility reward Chat was able to secure for him, while Chatra accepts a position serving his country. Seemingly, they both had to accept their predestined fate. But the fact that they get to choose it now, makes a difference. They see the good they can do, and they're not deprived of humanizing agency. The delivery of this in their dialogues is also quite lovely, with Khem talking about how each type of boat is made for very specific conditions that it must sail, while Chat brings up the fact that now, there are new types of ship, which can defy expectations, and sail in any conditions. They're both right, and they complete each other in describing the place that they ended up in. And the mutual parting, as they both "entrust" something to the care of the other, does reflect their bond.

Still, all of this would have been even more poignant, if this relationship had been given more space. As is, I feel like I even have to guess to a degree why they do care about each other, and why they do end up choosing the other's best interest over their own.

It's a bit clearer with Khem. We see him being exploited for sex, because of his beauty and grace, instead of being seen and appreciated for his talent and hard work. Chat is different. He helps Khem more than once without asking for anything in return, and Chatra also compliments him on his performance. Other than him, there's only one person who seems not to want anything from Khem, his long time friend Wan, but even he ends up betraying and being willing to kill Khem, when Wan doesn't get what he wants from his friend (revenge against all Chinese people). Once more, Chat is different. Yes, he points his revolver at Khem, but he doesn't pull the trigger, he doesn't use the leverage he has in order to force Khem to do what benefits Chat. Instead, he puts down the revolver, and tries to explain himself and his attempt to save his family.

What makes Chat like Khem? I find that a bit harder to answer, though there's a clear and real interest there, which goes beyond Chat's secret mission with the documents. He saves Khem from being discovered during their first meeting, and doesn't ask for anything in return. Chat pays attention to Khem at rehearsals, to his dancing, to his tendency of getting into trouble when not backing down at the face of bullying or injustice... So we can assume Chatra likes all of that. And then he does explicitly express his interest, when he admits to Khem he wanted them to spend that time together at the market.

Which I guess brings me to the question of... okay, so is this a love story? Their relationship is obviously vital to the story, but is it a romantic one? The movie seems to wanna leave it open to interpretation. Maybe it's my hopeless romantic streak, I do wanna see it as a love story. I think there are some hints for that. The mutual interest and liking, even at the stage when they've barely spoken to each other, the way they end up choosing each other even at the possible cost of their own life, the explicit admission from Chat that he was looking to spend time with Khem at the market even when it didn't appear to have anything to do with his secret mission, the way Chat's admission seems to not only make Khem happy, he looks shaken up, there's the kite flying scene, which is played for laughs (flying a kite is apparently Thai slang for jerking off), but still, it's a choice that the movie made, to add a layer of sexual tension there. And then there's the scene where they're trying to figure out who's the woman in red if no one was wearing red on the night they're investigating. Chat steps into the spot where the woman had been, his shirt white, and red light is projected over him. Khem stands in front of him, and they stare at each other for a moment. To me, it serves a double purpose. One is that Khem realizes Chat just handed him the solution to that part of the mystery. The other is that films often illuminate characters in red to show lust and even love. So this might also be a moment when it hits Khem that his feelings for Chat, who's been helping him, who he trusts, run deeper than he realized.

I do think Man Suang would have been braver and better if it had openly gone with the romantic interpretation. It's not just me being an incurable romantic. I also think that, much like in MR, the relationship that changes the course of the two main characters has to be a really strong one, enough for one to decide to give up his life for the other. I'm not sure that friendship quite cuts it, especially when this relationship didn't have that much time to develop (def not enough screen time, but also not enough in-story time). Was love between two men back then a simple thing to admit to? Of course not. But men did fall in love, and even acted on it. I'm not talking here full blown sex. But enough that the audience would know for sure what they feel for each other. On a local TV show, I was reminded that when the small fingers of two people, who are forbidden from any physical connect, do touch, even briefly... something that small and fleeting can still be a confession of deep love and yearning.

Another thing I wish they'd done is make more use of the unspoken tension created by one man dancing to the beat struck by another one. This was so present and delicious in the first teaser released for Mileapo's movie (before it even had a name and a script), I wish they had retained that. It's somewhat present (Khem says he danced so well, thanks to the beat Chat set for him, and then in the scene exposing Tiang, it's Chat's change in drumming that sets the stage for Khem revealing the treason through dance and song), but could have been used so much more. The play between real life and art, the connectedness or contrast between the two men when they're on the same page versus when they're not... There's so much potential for non-verbal drama, and they captured it beautifully in that teaser, so why is it almost non-existent in the film?

I also... I know that the movie is set in the 19th century, and I don't expect 21st century tolerance to be projected back onto it, but I find it hard to ignore that we have one character spew homophobic shit, Khem denying having had sex with another man, basically agreeing it's wrong, and at the same time, men exploiting other men sexually is not looked away from, it's very explicit and built into Khem's story. Each one of these things can be true in its way (there was homophobia, people did have to go with it, there was male on male exploitation alongside this homophobia), but when every explicit thing in this context is negative, while the one positive (the possible love story between Chat and Khem) remains implicit and optional at best, it feels like it unintentionally leans into the homophobic narrative. Take Brokeback Mountain for example. The environment in that movie is highly homophobic, prejudiced, rude and even violent about it. And while Jack and Ennis had a lifelong love story, they couldn't actually live it out in the open because of said homophobia. Ennis in particular would rather punch a guy, than admit Jack was the love of his life. And still, we got to see their love, we got to see that even with all of the societal hardships, it brought them warmth and comfort, and was a reason to risk a lot, even for Ennis, who was so acutely aware of the threat to their lives. I like that BBM was honest in depicting Ennis and Jack having sex, but at the end of it, even without those scenes, the love between them was enough of a counterweight, that it never felt like the movie unintentionally reinforced a negative view of what two men can have together. With MS, I feel like a homophobic casual viewer, who won't get that Chat and Khem saved each other through something that might be more than just friendship, could easily have their negative view reaffirmed.

All in all, I enjoyed MS. I loved seeing Mile and Apo acting together again, I missed that, and their chemistry is just as superb as ever. I'm not sure the movie, getting as distracted from the main relationship as it did, would have worked without their unique addition of beautiful acting and chemistry. So, I would recommend it to friends, but I guess I would also really love to see a better paced, edited and re-focused version of it. Shine, Mileapo's show that will follow in the footsteps of MS, might deliver that. I can't wait to see! ^u^

(if you're curious about any of my other Mileapo/Kinnporsche posts, you can find them here)