#this episode fundamentally changed me as a person btw

[lstatdelioncourt]

9-1-1 | 6.13 MIXED FEELINGS AIRED APRIL 10TH, 2023

[axuanmii]

admit you ship incest dude. the cn/jp shippers say its incest. pick up a book and translate it, it says kaeya is adopted. .. and heres a long paragraph about how incest is only between biological families and more disrespect to people who are adopted...

no idea why my inbox didn't give me this notif until now, but now's a better time than any to talk more about this.

i'm chinese. i speak fluent mandarin chinese. i've consulted other native chinese speakers about this, both genshin players and unrelated. i play genshin with chinese audio and english subs specifically to catch and complain about inaccuracies. i'd reveal more information but then i think it'd be trivially easy to doxx me if one knew what they were looking for.

fundamentally, the issue of incest lies in physical reproduction, yet i find adoptive incestuous relationships discomforting all the same. it's why i didn't like or finish go ahead (以家人之名) because i felt that it laid too much into the siblings aspect for romantic relationships to be feasible, and it was super contradictory from the initial general message of the first bittersweet yet wholesome episode.

however, personally, i just don't think kaeya felt like a part of the family until crepus's death and he really reflected on crepus's actions towards him (hangout). and even after beginning to view crepus as a father figure, he wouldn't have so shallowly made the transition for diluc to be his brother by adoption and consequently changed his entire mind about the guy (which you can see with the way he chooses to refer to both men with different terms, one adoptive and familial, one very clearly 'sworn', very consistently throughout the whole game. if that ever changes in chinese, well, at least you can know that i'll make a post about it if i still care about genshin by then.)

the localization team does make plenty of serious mistakes, and it's of my opinion that as a result, it has very clearly skewed character relationships with those mistakes, (cynari and collei, eulamber, some npcs in liyue, sumeru) some from cultural differences, some just from lazy translation overall. there's layers of complexity in how chinese utilizes honorifics and affectionate terms, as well as contextual consideration between fiction and reality, and sometimes i feel like the english localization team just threw it all into google translate and called it a day.

i don't even ship kaeluc that much. i like to call it the secret third thing where they can't get off their asses to talk about anything ever so they exist in an undefined space and to have them return to any semblance of a healthy relationship, platonic, familial, or romantic, would require a novel's length worth of development that hoyoverse will probably never write, and so my brain has made up novels of all three kinds and more.

however, i also don't care about people who do ship kaeluc or treat any other fictional media in an incestuous or otherwise problematic manner, regardless of language or culture. this is because i operate on a "don't like, don't read, don't interact" mindset. it makes being in fandom more fun; you should try it.

my disappointment wasn't aimed at the fact that i think too little people ship kaeluc. it just sucks to see people claim that that's what's wrong with the fandom and spin this evil gross imagery around the ship over a misunderstanding, especially when that's not how i view it. it's also the only thing vehemently regularly repeated ('klcers dni') when there's so many other issues with the game and the fandom.

(off topic but what's the worst thing that'll happen if a kaeluc shipper likes your fan stuff. it's not like they come into your tumblr asks to bother you with an "oh btw you're wrong about how you enjoy this media and this is what's right"-- oh wait that's what's going on here right)

including the fact that people like you purposefully go around searching in the kaeluc tag (which you probably did, because nobody is scrolling that far back in my blog to find this one specific post to complain about) to police and pick fights with people over a stupid issue from 2020/2021. i guess tumblr isn't a safe place to talk about kaeluc either lmao.

and to think i left anon asks on in the hopes that it could be an inbox for anyone who wanted to ask me art questions or just leave something positive and not feel too awkward (where do i get the confidence in thinking anyone would ask my incompetent brain for help lol).

to be fair, it's going to be my fault for continuing to draw attention to this by responding to such an ask instead of just deleting it and moving on but fuck it we ball.

this ended up pretty long but i feel like it would've been too rude to just say "会说中文的干嘛要翻书 :P". probably would've been funnier though and saved me a lot of time. kudos to you if you actually read this and read through everything.

final note:

[bobellafofella]

Consider this an opportunity to talk Widojest

I am delusional and I will check the tag at least once a day forever

Let's start with what made you start shipping them and literally anything you want to tell me

i think i shipped them literally from the beginning. like from the moment jester said "you need to take a bath" i was just like oh. there's Something here (and also overall c2 e1 is like. one of the best examples of establishing characters ever i fear). and then i felt like a crazy person for the first 25 or so episodes, like oh, i feel like they've got something interesting going on, but i don't ship them or anything (this was a lie btw). and then hupperduk (is that how you spell it?? it's been ages god) happened and i was like UM. YEAH. YEAH I'M NOT GONNA LIE TO MYSELF ANYMORE I SHIP THEM BAD. and then i think i started reading fanfic and then i started writing fanfic and the rest is history.

i just think that separately they are suchhhhh interesting characters, and together they have SUCH and interesting dynamic. there's the obvious stuff --- like i think they just Get each other, and caleb really listens to jester and has empathy for her in a way that i feel like no one else really did. but i'm obsessed with how they mirror each other in such interesting ways??? they both have chosen names. they both have an intrinsic loneliness. they both have complicated relationships with home. in eiselcross they both lose bodily autonomy to magic. also they both have cute accents.

also, my hot take is that c2 changed fundamentally after covid. like it was just different. there was a different air. and the characters were played slightly differently. ESPECIALLY FJORD. and i swear im not coocoo bananas insane when i say pre-covid wj had an actual chance of being cannon.

anyways THANK YOU FOR SENDING ME THIS ASK. i'll talk wj anytime <33

[the-badger-mole]

Hi,

Hope you are doing well. I saw some of your How I Met Your Mother posts, and that got me a little intrigued, because I watched that show and was stumped by its ending.

Anyways, I wanted to ask you, also inspired by YouTube videos of the show, do you think having that fixed endpoint was wrong? Because some of the videos make it seem that if the show was to end by season 2, then that made ending made sense, but extending it to nine seasons, it would have been better to change the ending. Also, one other thing I found is that even if Ted did show up outside Robin's house as the end, there is no chance of a happy ending there because they never really got those issues that caused them to break-up to be resolved at all. Just because Ted and Robin's respective goals are achieved does not mean the issues probably won't be there.

I would like your thoughts on this.

Having a fixed endpoint for a story is tricky. I'm not saying it should never be done, but up until the last season or 2 of HIMYM, the writing was so well done, so careful to remember plot threads and foreshadowings and running gags that it set up in earlier episodes. They wrote characters and relationships that felt real, and made the audience care, and yet, they couldn't pull off the ending they'd written almost a decade earlier.

I agree with the take that the ending they wrote could only have worked if the show ended in season 2. And it's their own fault. They did far too good a job showing why Ted and Robin didn't work. Then they did too good a job showing why Robin and Barney DID work. I started wanting to see the two of them end up together from the first season (although, I do maintain that Robin being single would've been a great ending for her, too). The one episode that I think should've clued the writers in that their endgame pair didn't work any more was "Baby Talk". Specifically the talk that Robin has with Ted, where he complains that she didn't make him feel needed during their relationship, and then her conversation with Barney where he tells her she didn't make him feel needed during their relationship, and that was awesome. The reason why Ted and Robin ultimately didn't work isn't just because they had a difference of opinion about having kids, or career plans. They were fundamentally incompatible personality-wise. That's not a failing on either of their parts, but it is irreconcilable. In the end of the show Ted has his kids and they're nearly grown, and Robin has been able to travel for her career, but their personalities haven't changed much. Ted still wants a fairytale ending, and Robin is still fiercely independent and doesn't need him (and btw, she isn't even that old. She'll probably still be traveling, which I doubt Ted will appreciate since it'll still mean either giving up his career and proximity to his kids who seem to still be in high school and will need support through college, or staying home and having a long distance relationship with a woman who is probably meeting a lot of interesting and interested people without him. His jealousy issues could NEVER).

Having a set ending can work. I've written fics where I knew exactly how I wanted them to end, so I know it can work. But i also know that sometimes the plot or the characters can develop in ways that make the ending no longer fit the story, and a writer has to be able to be flexible with that, even if it hurts that you don't get the ending you wanted originally. The creators of HIMYM wrote themselves into a box. When the ending didn't fit the story or the characters, they regressed everyone involved in order to make the story fit the ending, and the result was...bad.

[glass--beach]

the troglodyte post is getting me bad cause it's so accurate to my life rn. At least my hopeful projection of my life as I'm in my troglodyte era. I started our uber competent cause of immature parents, working at like 15 and shit, and now im 21 and have been taken care of by my bf for 2 yeara lol. basically inernt creatively and professionally. how did you pull urself up and get to pre-god complex era that'd help a fellow biploar? thank you Ms. Glass Beach

i don’t know your life or anything but to me that sounds like you had to grow up fast & burned yourself out which is a super common & understandable experience… not saying it isn’t bipolar because a lot of what we call mental illness is the brain adapting to a life situation in a way that becomes a problem once the initial situation has changed. gonna be honest for me i’m like cycling every two weeks to a couple months or so, i have no control of it, and both extremes are pretty fucking awful. being at the top believe it or not is the absolute worst bc i feel possessed, i have no filter and can get very delusional so i’m constantly doubting everything i think and say. having the platform i do has led to some public embarrassment over that. i ride the waves, i don’t control them. i’ve been in a very low place for the past month and whatever the hell’s been going on with me was definitely in some way a ripple effect.

btw now that i’m exploring plurality a bit i am trying on the possibility of my manic episodes being a separate personality, that’s how it’s always felt anyway. i certainly operate in fundamentally different ways that contradict my usual convictions. the dr who diagnosed me barely got to know me & at the time i was eager to cherrypick facts to fit into that diagnosis but i’ve known there’s things that don’t quite line up. none of it is super hardcoded anyway diagnoses are just methods of understanding i think.

again i don’t know your life but it sounds like to me the best thing you could be doing is taking care of yourself. your 20s are in my opinion in large part about unpacking your childhood experience and seeing what coping strategies you don’t need anymore & giving yourself space to breathe. nobody has a perfect childhood & we tend to just tank through all the bad shit for the sake of survival to the point where it becomes repressed and doesn’t seem that bad until it just hits you out of nowhere as an adult. don’t worry about trying to achieve a whole lot creatively just do whatever bits you can here and there to keep yourself sane. you’ve got a lot of life ahead of you! <3

[hms-no-fun]

where did the inspiration for cat!dave come from. i love it btw, im just curious where it came from

catdave, like a lot of stuff in the gf3 prologue, just sort of happened. it's one of those things where in writing that chapter, jade grabbed a button that did a thing as a way to keep their villain-narrator honeypot from collapsing, and i decided to roll with it. turning dave into a house cat seemed like a fun gag, especially considering awkweet purrmusk and davepeta and all that. karkat picking up catdave with horror and protectiveness was really funny to me, just like NO HE'S MY BOYFRIEND YOU LEAVE MY SPECIAL MAN ALONE. then i thought, wait, what if a cat had time-distortion powers. what if catdave was like, i'm the hottest fucken kitty that ever did strut, i'ma slow down time and make everyone admire me. that joke alone was enough to keep catdave in, and i figured okay, we'll roll with this for a minute and then reverse it at the end and it'll be a funny anecdote. "hey remember that time dave turned into a cat?"

but unfortunately for dave, this is godfeels. i can't ever just do a fun joke about transformation. if we're gonna accept that jade has a button that can turn people into the animal they secretly want to be, that's gotta have CONSEQUENCES. what is this, fucking rick & morty??? there will be no resetting to the status quo at the end of THIS episode thank you very much!

of course by the time i got to publishing that first catdave chapter i'd figured all this out. dave's sort of defined by his repression and embarrassment at himself and his wants. i've imagined him sticking to his "i don't want to be a hero" thing very closely, and with that just kinda chilling with karkat all the time. (oh there's actually a funny pseudo-continuity error related to this-- in gf1 someone mentions what makes dave and karkat such a good couple. i'd imagined then that davekat were absolutely a totally out gay together couple. then the epilogues said actually no they were still too repressed to actually DO anything, and i decided to lean into that because two incredibly gay men no-homoing together for seven years is really funny/tragic to me from a story perspective. and since i decided to make gf2 parallel the epilogues, it seemed appropriate to fold that back in. i think in gf2 this gets papered over with june being surprised that they hadn't kissed yet? but that's def a thing that changed between fics from my perspective lmao)

so it seemed to me that catdave was a minor analogue to trickster mode- an unexpected jump straight to Personal Apotheosis without the journey necessary to give it any meaning. and that quickly mapped onto the problem of out queer people treating obvious eggs like their own Pet Project, pressuring them and pushing their boundaries even when it IS to some extent what they want. so dave keeps his cat ears and tail because he's a closeted furry with Some Gender, but because his friends all thought the transformation was funny and cute the end result was actually pushing him even further back into the closet. and since i knew that we were aiming towards davekat divorce fever anyway, that felt like the *perfect* dramatic intervention on his character. this is the hardest part of building an ensemble cast drama; giving everyone something Clear and Concise to deal with that can stand in for all their problems, so we can cut right to the chase when necessary.

this process is, in microcosm, the fundamental backbone of godfeels. it's about taking deadly seriously the personal and existential ramifications of extraordinarily silly impossible bullshit.

[goldenkid]

i'm not done journey's end posting btw because IT ENDED SO CRUSHINGLY but dear GOD they are back. changed. but back. IN FOUR FUCKING DAYS

anyway i love the action music in this two parter it harkens back to me watching it as a kid getting SO HYPED because it was a SEASON FINALE and it all feels so grand and amazing pulling everything together and everyone being in the same room and all the grandstanding with the daleks and the various action bits

AND i think my favourite moment of the whole episode at the end of the stolen earth when sarah-jane hears the daleks saying exterminate and her face goes so horrified and she cries and holds luke and says oh god you're so young...elisabeth sladen's line delivery knocked my socks off there when i was nine years old and it still does today at age twenty one.

and all the little lines and everyone reuniting and TENTOO AND DONNA oh my god, do i have things to say about tentoo and donna. they're like twins they're like the same person they're like the people they were before but worse. they quite literally understand each other like two people have never understood each other before, both of them not-quite-right, a bit too much, painfully intense, slightly newborn. i do quite like rose and tentoo's ending despite it being kind of fundamentally imperfect, but the scene there on the beach with rose looking between the two doctors and the kiss is just lovely. buuut a part of me with no regard for how this never could have actually played out on the TV show wanted to see tentoo and metacrisis donna just being insanely on the same wavelength, knocking around the universe being brilliant. like the normal doctor and donna's relationship except dialed up to eleven because they are parts of each other, patched into each other, elevating each other with that unique cocktail of timelord and human. IT WOULD'VE BEEN COOL. worlds would have been saved. worlds may have burned. between them they would have changed the universe. but sadly it was never meant to be... and that final shot, of ten's face so sad and alone...

anyways. journey's end. helluva ride. fuck me bring on the specials!!!

[salt-blog]

Substance abuse was definitely normalized in the past and still is in many contexts. It's only because of fairly recent social changes like anti-smoking campaigns and indoor smoking bans that "a smoker" is considered a type of person that can't blend in now (in some places!). People just got used to the smell of cigarettes—ask anyone that grew up in the 70s.

This post just makes me think of Mad Men. Like yeah It's a TV show I know, but the characters really are just smoking and drinking all day, sometimes simultaneously. To be fair it's set in a time and context where functional alcoholism is normalized, but you can see that the characters are absolutely hollowed out—physically and mentally—by their substance abuse. Invisibly to them, and it's only when someone dies or displays a "problematic" behaviour that they face consequences—like in the episode when Freddy Rumsen gets fired for pissing himself and fainting in the office.

It's really just like now. The people who can work in and around hostile environments get rewarded, and the people who burn out are discarded. I don't think that this is a fundamentally new problem, but developing and implementing the approaches to curb widespread heavy smoking and drinking (which are still very prevalent worldwide, btw!) took a very, very long time.

figuring out how to get rid of screen addiction is like trying to figure out how to stop a nicotine addiction while also having a job centered around smoking cigarettes and having half your social life be in smoke breaks

[transmasc-wizard]

im thinking about getting into the magnus archives, so i was wondering if you could give like. idk what i should expect from it/a synopsis? /not forced

i am ltierally ALWAYS willing to talk about the magnus archiges

SO

the magnus archives is a fiction horror podcast written by jonny sims, about the Archivist, jonathan sims. no they are not supposed to be the same person, jonny is just shit at character naming. there's like 4 michaels alone (michael shelley / michael distortion / mikaele / mike). btw if i say "jonny" i am refering to the writer, if i say jon/jonathan i am refering to the character

so, Jon works for the Magnus Institute, London, an institution dedicated to documenting and investigating paranormal experiences. he used to work in the research department, but after the passing of the former Head Archivist (Gertrude), he found himself suddenly promoted to the archivist job. Now, he reads people's written "statements" (supernatural) so they have audio versions.

each episode contains one statement + jon's thoughts on it at the end. in this way, it is an anthology horror series; each episode has a sort of "monster of the week" that is its own disconnected and fully-fledged horror story. BUT!!! BUT!!! it is,,, connected. there is a Grander Plot. as it goes on, connections start to be made between the statements, with several developing plotlines and b-plots, and supernatural happenings even start to go on in the institute itself. it is REALLY thought out; my relisten has me finding tiny connected details in almost every episode.

TMA has to be listened to in order, from episode 1-200; i say that because i was told it doesn't and almost started with ep 187 (every day i mentally thank the person who told me NO NO START WITH #1 AND GO IN ORDER. every day). additionally, each episode, or "MAG", is about 20 minutes long, and TMA is split into five 40-episode seasons.

some various stuff: it's queer! jon is ace & bi and its not a big deal bc, you know, he's busy with The Horrors. several other characters are queer as well. speaking of characters, they're great; you get quite attached to both the main ones (Jon, Martin, Tim, Melanie, etc) and several side ones (Sasha, Gerry, Michael, Helen, etc).

a note: the TMA creators care a lot about being respectful to marginalized groups and when handling careful topics, but they fucked up sometimes. in particular, early "spiral statements" (stories abt lies, confusion, and the human mind) sometimes lean into the "ooh scary hallucinations" thing in season 1. as it goes on, it does get better (changing the focus to things such as "it's horrifying not to be believed about your struggle with mental illness"), but it is worth warning about, imo. (There's about... 2? i can think of? that specifically give me pause.)

a second note: TMA is very much horror, if it wasn't already obvious. It deals with things like cannibalism, insect infestation, heavy isolation, skinning, body horror, police brutality, spiders, paranoia, being watched/spied on/Known, etc. It is also a tragedy. With those two things in mind, please remember to take care of yourself, first and foremost, and take breaks/stop if you need to.

third bonus note: my pfp is gerry keay from tma and im love him <3 that is all

tma is really really really good, surprisingly emotional, full of creative horror and compelling stories, and has some AWESOME themes and storylines centering around monstrocity, what it means to be human, abuse of power, and what you can do in a system that fundamentally just wants to hurt you, and i 100% recommend it if you want to try it out!!

the-magnus-archives.fandom.com/wiki/Content_Warnings <- trigger & content warnings, broken up per episode

THE MAGNUS ARCHIVES #1 - Anglerfish - Horror Fiction Podcast - YouTube <- episode one!

have fun & stay spoooooooky :D

[swaps55]

Hi hi helloooo do you have more of this multiverse AU??? I read your snippet and loved it and I desperately need more! I love your work btw thanks for writing and sharing with us ❤️❤️❤️

I DO. Thank you so much!!!!!!

I've scribbled a fair amount for it, but like I said in the other snippet, I'm struggling mightily with what this story is and how to shape it. I know fundamentally what I want from it, but there are a lot of roadblocks. Right now I have a beginning, a few haphazard scenes with no context, some very vague ideas, and...profit????

One of my big hangups with it is whether or not I should break my golden rule and tell parts of it from Sam's POV, because this is a very different Sam, while still being Sam, if that makes any sense. And a chunk of what I have in mind would work really well from Sam's POV, and lose a little something if I don't use it. BUT. It's so important to me to not use his POV, which leaves me very conflicted.

ANYWAY, the general idea got sparked by a conversation the 'Yang crew has about the multiverse. One of my favorite ST:TNG episodes is Parallels, in which a ton of Enterprises from different multiverses wind up in the same universe - including one in which the Borg are winning, and one in which a Will Riker who failed to save Picard from the Borg gets to see him alive and well in another reality. So I did some what if thinking. What if Sam doesn't get resurrected by Lazarus? What if the reapers are winning? And what if a Sam from another universe - who never met Kaidan because there wasn't a Kaidan for him to meet - magics the Kaidan who never got him back into his universe, in which the reapers haven't made themselves known yet?

It sounded like a REALLY fun character study of Sam - what makes him Sam - and what changes about him when you change the major events of his life that shape him? While also being an opportunity to flip the script, and make Kaidan the enigmatic, closed off person that Sam has to figure out. With the underlying very sappy theme, "There was a universe in which Sam didn't have Kaidan, and one where Kaidan didn't have Sam, so the universe fixed it."

I am sure that is way more than what you wanted to know, so as a thanks for putting up with it, here's the snippet you requested:

~

Karin Chakwas lets out a shaky breath as the biofeeds stabilize and the patient’s breathing returns to normal. She takes a moment to let her own breathing return to normal. She glances over her shoulder at Sam, who still sits in his chair, staring at the hand now lying limp and loose under his.

It’s almost reassuring to know she isn’t the only one having a time of it.  

“Sam Shepard, I told you it was only a matter of time before I regretted the day you showed up in my clinic.”

“You did.” He tears his eyes away and slips his hand free, offering her a wan smile. “For what it’s worth…thank you. Hate to think about what would have happened if I brought him somewhere else.”

She worries her lip. You may still find out if we’re not careful. For years she’s turned a blind eye to the veritable parade of mishaps he’s brought through her clinic without asking why – the less she knows the better – but the ID on the genetic scanner won’t give her the luxury of feigned ignorance.

As it is, the fact she hasn’t already contacted the Alliance is going to put her in an uncomfortable position once they find out. But there are reasons you take leaps of faith, and one of those reasons is sitting in that chair.  

“In for a penny, in for a pound,” she says brightly. “I’ve listed him as a John Doe in the system for now, but it won’t be long before C-Sec starts asking questions.”

“And they won’t like the answers.” He rubs his nose with his hands, then props his chin on his fingertips. “I’ll get Garrus on it to buy us some time.”

A smile curves her lips. “Eventually, you may find Garrus’ limits when it comes to bending the rules.”

“Doubtful. And it sure as hell isn’t going to be today.”

“Sam,” she asks, because she has to. This time, she has to. “There have been no reports of weapons fire on the Presidium today. How—”

He smiles wryly. “How did someone who’s been dead over fifteen years wind up in your clinic with a bullet hole in his gut, ranting about the end of the world?”

“Well. I would have put it more delicately, but…yes.”

[projectjasper]

So glad to see you back! 😊 Ngl, I got a bit worried when you barely posted on here but I didn't want to pry. 😅 I'm happy to see you're well, though. x3

Tbh I sent that ask very soon after finishing the episode and as I've thought about it more since, some of my initial thoughts have changed. For example, I forgot that in the previous preview we saw Sean in what looked like the "Are you ok?" scene saying to White "You have a sibling," and that wasn't in the episode, so now I think we'll see that in ep 10 as a flashback (meaning White may have actually confessed the truth there after all, we just didn't see it yet).

Also, I saw your answer about Gram and just wanted to say that I'm still on the gramblack train (yes, I'm THAT delulu). I know literally everything in these past few episodes screams "gram is in love with eugene" but I keep convincing myself it's just a deliberate misdirect in order to make the gramblack reveal more "shocking" for the audience. If I'm a 🤡 then so be it. I can keep dreaming until Gram explicitly states who he likes. 🙃

Btw, what do you think of the theory that Dan will turn out to be a mole and betray the gang? (My opinion on that is that it makes zero sense and I can elaborate on the why, but I want to hear your answer first.)

One person that's very sus to me, though, is Black and White's mom. I wouldn't be surprised if she's revealed as another "villain" (because lbr, no one was surprised about Todd lol).

awwww it's very sweet of you to worry!! i will be fine eventually, and i am back now, so that's good!

white confessing but us not knowing yet is such an interesting move omg!! maybe!

and listen, you are not a clown for believing that gramblack is still happening. grameugene is just my current take and gods know i have been wrong before. i might make a big post analyzing everything and explaining my pov but all i can say rn is gramblack wouldn't be much of a reveal because white pushed the idea of gram liking black episodes ago when he found the note from the figurines, so i'd say we have been directed into gramblack this entire time more than anywhere else, and grameugene is the shocker here. so 🤷‍♂️

as for the theory about dan being a mole, it's unlikely. dan seems to have been drawing his art for a while, unar is basically an anonymous icon now, and namo said lots of people have tried to find him and failed. so the whole unar thing really doesn't fit into the narrative of dan being a traitor. not to mention all the vulnerability and confessions - if he was a plant meant to integrate the group, he would act as the most goody two shoes cop ever that has never even hurt a fly, certainly not a cop that literally murdered a person on duty.

the mom is super sus to me as well. as much as i am not the biggest fan of black, there is definitely a good reason why he cut ties with her. and as someone whose father is a fascist, i can absolutely see fundamental ideological and ethical differences driving a wedge between them and black deciding to cut her off because of it.

[cbrownjc]

It's as I said in the tags of another reblog -- it's like many people actually forget what IWTV book!Lestat was like. Which is that he was a straight-up villain. That is how Louis frames him, even with the regret he has for his and Claudia's actions toward him in Paris. It's why there is even that scene of Louis rejecting Lestat toward the end of that book, even with the regret he had toward how he felt in his actions toward Lestat.

There is a reason why people who's only read the first book or only have seen the 1994 movie have only and always thought of Lestat's character as a villain, and general pop culture has always framed him as such.

Even their courtship in the books wasn't really one if you go by Louis' account of it (and which Lestat himself never even contradicts in his own book). It was a total of three nights. Lestat attacked Louis on the first night, they actually talked on night two, and Lestat turned him on night three.

That's it. That was the extent of their pre-turning love affair in the books. Can you actually imagine if the show had stuck to that same thing? Instead, the show actually changed it to actually make the romance and actual freakin' romance before the turning even happened.

And as I said the day EP05 aired, are people forgetting that, in the fourth book, Lestat straight-up rapes someone? Because he does. Yeah, he's regretful and horrified about it once he realizes what he's done, but he still did it. And this was after both TVL and QotD, when Lestat was fully established as the main POV of the series and its hero.

If the show adapts Tale of the Body Thief, which it's looking very much like they might, are we going to be right back here again with people saying they've ruined Lestat's character if they keep that moment from the TotBT book in the show? Because if the show should "stick to the books" wrt his character then they should keep that moment in, shouldn't they?

See, what the show has actually done is to flesh out the characters and their relationships more. It actually overtly made Louis and Lestat's relationship in ITWV an actual romance, with a real actual courtship and everything, instead of just three days and boom, they are together for eternity now. (That began with Lestat attacking Louis first I again should add.) It's given some characters who never actually have had a backstory (like Daniel) a backstory.

Doing things like this are very much what an adaptation is about doing, particularly from a print medium to a visual one, especially wrt an episodic visual medium. Fleshing things out, particularly characters, more so they can carry the weight of such an episodic narrative story structure.

But so far, what the show has NOT done is fundamentally change any major character's canon endgames. And what those endgame narratives actually mean to the overall narrative presented over the course of all of the books.

Which is exactly what changing the death of Claudia to not happen would do. (And Nicki's death too btw, at least wrt Lestat's character.)

And another thing the show looks to be doing is to not just make Louis into a bitter person lying about his ex, which is what Louis can come off looking like after Anne Rice decided that Lestat's account of events in TVL was the true version of what happened in IWTV, (which, btw, does have Lestat kind-of yadda yadda's wrt some things Louis talked about), and retconned much of Louis' story in IWTV. Even now there are major hints as to why Louis' story is "unreliable" and it's not because he's just wilfully lying about things.

So yeah, this negative light stuff and "they didn't stick to the book" stuff wrt Lestat does have me side-eyeing some because it always reads like people actually just wilfully forgetting how Lestat was actually portrayed in the book during this part of the story, which we've only gotten half of anyway.

And that Lestat isn't a squeaky-clean "hero" even after we get past this portion of the story and move on to his own POV either. He's an antihero who can still do a lot of fucked-up shit . . . which he himself actually admits to.

So yeah, this idea that the show has somehow done something to make the story vastly different than the books wrt Lestat has me wondering if people really get what his character was actually presented as -- along with his relationship with Louis -- in the first book. And if they understand, and are prepared for what we might be facing wrt his character after we get the full IWTV story and start moving on to the other books as well.

“If she would survive that would be a vastly different story. . . ”

They made it a vastly different story when they wrote Lestat as a malicious domestic abuser to Louis & slave master who hated Claudia. It’s been obvious they do not care if their exaggerated melodrama added for shits n giggles changes the story or fucks up a character. Sam is the only one with the initiative to express his dissatisfaction b/c he knows Lestat unlike these half ass writers. They made Lestat into a caricature in season 1 & it ruined Loustat. Season 2 was supposed to fix it but that is not happening based on the nature of his comment. The audience needed the truth. Sam talking about Anne never telling readers the truth says all we need to know. He is warning us. We are not getting the truth & the Lestat slander will continue. 

Lestat … slander?^^

See, I don’t know why it’s so hard for the audience to get the POVs stuff. I don’t.

The tale breaks at the end of s1, why is it so hard to take a mental step back and think?!

What we saw was not the truth. Not the whole of it, and that will be continued in s2.

And s3 I bet.

Armand spelled it out for the audience, too: You‘ve only heard half the story.

The writers are playwrights. The show will unfold over several seasons. They dig into gaslighting, manipulation and memory. The promotion and posters speak a very clear language.

Let‘s wait to judge it all (as a whole) when it’s unfolded, shall we?!

[katsidhe]

could you do 9.10 and 9.13 for episode reviews.

Love your takes btw.

9.10 Final Thoughts

well, well, well, if it isn’t my old friend season 9. God I love season 9. buckle in. 

Plenty of what season 9 tries to do with angel drama falls flat, but plenty of it doesn’t. It’s at its strongest when interrogating the ways that the angels are looking for personal purpose, rather than folding themselves into various suit-clad factions. In this episode, we have Gadreel, Abner, and Thaddeus, all with very different takes.

Thaddeus is the most boring of the three—a straightforward narcissist and sadist. (Lucifer will follow in his rockstar-impersonating footsteps in s12. SPN clearly has a dim view of the music industry.) We don’t care when he dies, and we aren’t meant to.

Abner’s found a family, and he’s let go of revenge. He’s clearly found peace and happiness—but it’s stolen.  I’m ambivalent about this. I guess I could take his word that his vessel was abusive and therefore deserves to have been permanently body-snatched, and I guess I could believe him when he says his new family loves him, even though they clearly don’t know what he is or what he’s done. His regard for humanity as something other than a project is… uncertain. Even if everything is as sunny as he explains to Gadreel, there is fundamental selfishness and short-sightedness here. Get what you want, Abner says, and never let go.

Gadreel asks Abner if his vessel is happy. This reveals both Abner’s scorn for his vessel, and Gadreel’s uncomfortable awareness of and respect for Sam (and his bartender vessel, who Gadreel stares at, and who accepts Gadreel back easily).

Gadreel! OF COURSE Gadreel’s gotta be the scapegoat for Lucifer’s release, HAHAHAH. I love him to pieces, oml. Seriously, the Sam parallels could not BE more blatant. I’ve talked about this before, that it makes the earned antipathy between them all the more alarming, all the more visceral. The big sticking point is that Gadreel’s years of pointless torture came prior to his “redemption” arc, rather than as a consequence of it. Gadreel has all of s5 Sam’s despair and helpless anger and self-loathing, all of his drive to set things right at any price, and all of it is amplified by his trauma.

Sam and Gadreel’s relationship is defined by its liminal spaces. Gadreel threatens to tear Sam apart, but he does not, even when he is tortured. He locks Sam away in a dream rather than force him to watch him kill, or to suffer. But when Sam forces Gadreel out, Gadreel leaps instantly on telling Sam he is weak, reciting back Sam’s fears and Gadreel’s own. This reads like Gadreel is aiming quite a lot of his own self-pity and self-hatred at Sam.

Cas’s murderous rage at Gadreel when his identity is revealed is fun. It shows that Heaven’s PR team did a good job, for one thing. But Cas is furious because it’s specifically Lucifer. And the Apocalypse, and all the attendant suffering, his and Dean’s and Sam’s. It’s a personal wrath.

“Stupid for the right reasons…” oh, Cas, your scarcity of positive human role models is showing. Also, Cas’s particular brand of reassurance here isn’t actually something Dean has a problem with. He expresses regret over having been tricked—he says he’s stupid, he says he got played—but he’s never in doubt that his intentions were good. He’s never in doubt that he did the righteous thing. He’s never in doubt that he’d do it again.

Dean apologizes to Cas for barring him from the bunker. (Sam will not receive an apology.) Cas compares what Dean did to Sam to what Cas did by trusting Naomi. There’s a key difference here. Cas’s moral compass is not the problem; it’s his critical thinking skills.

Crowley, Cas, and Dean are a hilarious trio. (Also, I really hope that Cas’s pimpmobile got to Heaven too, like the Impala.)

Crowley being genuinely sorry that Kevin’s gone and his willingness to risk his life to help Sam are the best two moments of the generally weak Crowley-has-human-blood plot line. They feel earned. [also Crowley’s ‘I told Kevin he should’ve run!’ is both accurate, funny, and sad.]

Let’s talk 4.21 parallels! I mean, first, the glaringly obvious: Sam locked down to be purged of something supernatural; Sam suffering; Dean unable to bear Sam’s tortured screams; a very atmospheric fan. Dean walking away.

and then, of course, there’s “at least he dies human.” Right off the bat, Dean tells Cas he’s going to kill Gadreel. Cas, concerned, says that this will kill Sam too; Dean, sounding tortured, says he knows. Now, obviously, Dean doesn’t kill Sam. He doesn’t even get particularly close. But it’s really interesting that this is the first thing Dean brings up! He declares unprompted that he’s ready to kill Sam rather than leave him possessed. Which is both a recapitulation of the save-him-or-kill-him mantra, and an ironic twist on the decision Dean made in 9.01. Then, Dean knew Sam would rather die than be possessed, but had him possessed anyway. Now, Dean has decided instead that Sam must die because he is possessed. Obviously Dean’s opinion on the possessing entity has changed in the meantime: Sam’s hasn’t, but Sam’s isn’t what matters. 

Dean reaches new levels of PEAK IRONY when he declares that Cas should possess Sam too. Cas has to actually point out that Dean can’t, in fact, volunteer Sam’s permission. Because apparently Dean had forgotten, lmaooo. Crowley, on the other hand, is happy to oblige. Dean directs Cas to burn Sam’s tattoo off.

The language of this entire scene is so sexual. I mean, it’s Crowley, of course it is, double entendre is his first language. But this theme recurs again and again. Here it is just more pointed than usual. It is queasy.

Gadreel has Sam trapped in a Dean-type happy place—a hunt with ghouls and cheerleaders, no organic produce to be found. And I don’t think it’s because Gadreel doesn’t understand what Sam likes. I think it’s because Gadreel’s aim was for Sam to feel comfortable, not blissful. It smacks of Hallucifer, just a bit—using the verisimilitude of Dean’s louder moods rather than trying to appeal directly to Sam’s contentment, because of his always questionable, always a question, sense of reality. If things were too smooth, too cheerful, Sam might just be suspicious. Sam is easier to trick by proxy. 

The HORROR of this episode for Sam: Gadreel washing someone’s blood off of Sam’s hands. Crowley pushing needles into his brain. Sam’s body and life as a bargaining chip as Gadreel threatens to kill him, and then as Dean threatens to kill him right back. The quiet heartbreak as Sam remembers Kevin’s death, as he realizes the magnitude of Dean’s betrayal. But the worst part of it, I think, is somehow still Sam’s face when Crowley comes to get him in the dream where Gadreel stashed him. How his expression just crumples as Crowley tells him he is trapped in a lie, that his mindscape is once again a prison, that he truly cannot trust his reality. The sheer devastation of this on top of Sam’s history, plus the knowledge that Dean did this—and he pulls himself together and puts his foot on Gadreel’s neck and casts him OUT anyway. Sam Fucking Winchester.

and then the Bridge Scene. The lighting, the staging… it’s fucking gorgeous. It’s one of those scenes where I knew as I was watching it for the first time, seven years ago, that it was going to be something. I held my breath and still hold my breath. I can’t take my eyes off the way that Sam is shaking slightly, the entire time. The way he can barely meet Dean’s eyes but he does it anyway. He SAYS HIS PIECE, says it clearly, says it with an even tone despite what he’s gone through, despite the holes in his head that were healed seconds ago.

I love the gentleness between Sam and Cas here. I love knowing that 9.11 follows this. I love that there is no question that Cas will leave with Dean—he is staying with Sam, to heal and support him, even after he spent this episode mostly reassuring Dean.

Dean does not start this conversation to apologize. He starts out with the intent to DELIBERATELY egg Sam on: “come on, let’s hear it.” It’s an incitement, because Dean wants Sam to act angry, so that Dean can feel more justified in leaving. Sam does not rise to the bait.

Dean has an excuse for every point Sam has: I had no choice, you were dying, it’s not in me, he saved your life. He says, “I did a bad thing with bad consequences and I would 100% do it again, anyway, bye.”

And then the most infuriating thing: Dean is in the wrong, so he tells the person he’s wronged, ugh, I’m just such an awful poisonous person, I’m going to burn for this. It’s so clearly wrong-headed. Intentional or not, it’s such an obvious invitation for Sam to comfort him that it might well have been embossed. If this were in e.g. season 15, or if the crime he’d committed had been less awful, I can easily hear Sam’s reassurance: no, Dean, I promise you’re a good person, we all make mistakes. It is the most toxic way possible to frame a potential apology.

The textual theme of Dean-as-poison (and, for that matter, the consequence of Kevin’s death vs. the initial crime of the possession) is an intentional muddying of the waters: Crowley, Cas, and Dean himself all bring it up in some fashion, linking some fundamental aspect of Dean himself rather than Dean’s choices to Kevin’s death. Crowley is trying to be cutting; Cas is trying to be supportive; Dean is both excusing himself and camouflaging that fact in his exhausting self-loathing. There is a complicated interplay of what the text says about Dean’s guilt and what it condemns; this pattern continues throughout s9, and reaches its apex in the next several episodes. Dean’s love as a condemning feature rather than a redeeming one is one of my favorite things about SPN, and s9 has it in HIGH gear.

But, here, at least, Sam doesn’t rise to this bait either. “Don’t go thinking that’s the problem, ‘cause it’s not.” The problem is obviously, achingly, exhaustingly clear. Sam’s spelled it out in this very conversation: you tricked me. You lied to me. You got me possessed when I was willing to die. But Dean, and a fair portion of the audience, can’t hear it. So he doesn’t. And they don’t, and they pretend that this line is some sort of puzzle! a cliffhanger on a conversation unfinished! when it was the conclusion, not the beginning.

image that is now inextricable from 9.10

[jeonjeha]

i literally just finished rewatching as well bc there was so much going on!! it was so CAPTIVATING bc in the first half we had a LOT of tension (AS USUAL) which was FINALLY RESOLVED and we're like. having the time of our lives (btw you watch skam too. any thoughts? there are lots of parallels!!) ONLY TO BE SHATTERED TO PIECES NOT EVEN 5 MINUTES LATER EYE!! AND IT JUST GETS WORSE FROM THERE brooo i need to calm down but i'm so HURT for them

Honestly yeah!!! The episode can kinda be summed up by that scene at Oh-Aew’s place after Teh gives him the scrapbook - the push and pull, the wandering around, getting closer and then separating and then closer again and then separating and then closer again. Teh doesn’t know his heart and can’t make up his mine, and the episode really took us on a journey to experience it as viewers.

You know what’s really getting to me tho? How they built up Oh-Aew’s heartbreak throughout the episode, starting from the very first scene. Did you notice how he twitched his nose and then looked at Teh like he was wondering if he would still scratch his back? And then it was followed by the scene with Teh’s family where Oh had to quietly listen to a conversation that kept proving that Oh can’t be for Teh what Nozomi is for Hoon and what everyone is expecting Tarn to be. But Oh still tries, even though he’s so clearly being hurt, he still tries to reach out to Teh, tries to wait him out and be patient and hope that Teh really does love him and know him as Oh needs him to. That scene where Teh says that he and Tarn are still the same, I could hear Oh’s heart starting to crack, but he still goes with it and he still waits for Teh at 4 am, and waits and waits. He starts to see that he is being left behind, but he still holds on tightly - he goes for a study session, but he’s not taken to Teh’s house anymore; he tries to touch him, but Teh recoils before he even gets a chance to. He tells Teh he understands if he’s not welcome anymore, he just doesn’t want to be someone who isn’t even worthy of a reply. He is honest and kind, he doesn’t push Teh to make choices he’s not ready for, he just asks to not be dragged around and hurt. And all he wants is for Teh to do the same in return. The “you never understood me” hurts so so much because that’s his BEST FRIEND; no matter what else is happening and what their romantic feelings are, Teh was supposed to get him. But he doesn’t. But then Teh goes out of his way to do something for Oh again, fueling the hope inside of Oh that he does mean something, that he is worthy after all. They’ve talked about it; Oh has asked, begged Teh to get it and to take care of Oh’s heart, even just as his best friend, even if it means leaving him behind for good. So it must mean something that Teh has come back, right? That Teh keeps doing things for Oh, and worries so much and seems to want to take care of him. And Teh kisses Oh. He’s supposed to know how soft Oh’s heart is, how close it is to breaking, and he still kisses him. It must mean something, it has to. That’s why the “what did I do wrong?” was the thing that truly broke me. Oh tried so hard, he gave his heart away so freely and withstood the heartache for as long as he could. He was patient, he gave away his trust over and over again. He even tried to let his romantic feelings for Teh go and all he wanted was to have some honesty in return so that he could start to heal. But in the end none of it mattered. Teh still took Oh’s heart by the fist and crumbled it. And he did it slowly, quietly, in the same push and pull manner of that scene at Oh’s house. (I know he didn’t mean it like that, I understand Teh, I feel his pain too. But it still happened.) And then it all culminates in that bra scene, with Oh still desperately wondering if there really is something about him that is just so fundamentally wrong, if maybe Teh would accept him if only Oh was different and changed for him. But Oh can’t change who he is, and so he is doomed to have his heart broken again and again by the person he loves most. [Oh doesn’t realize that it’s not him Teh can’t accept. Teh just can’t accept himself.]

[shmreduplication]

I've only seen the timeloop episode of the x-files but he wakes up (late for work btw) on a water bed...that's leaking. And he gets a call from his landlord telling him that his downstairs neighbor is having water come thru the ceiling and Mulder says "yeah my water bed is leaking" and we can't hear the landlord but based on Mulder's reaction we can guess the landlord says "it's in your rent agreement that you don't have a water bed! And you're late on rent so you have to pay me today or you're evicted" and then Mulder spends the rest of the episode trying to deposit his most recent paycheck (iirc he has to go to work in person to ask for an advance and then use his entire body and car to hand-deliver the paper check to the bank. It's the '90s) (it's also a v good timeloop, unsurprisingly Groundhog Day fundamentally changed Groundhog Day-style timeloops and the X-files episode came out before the movie. We quite literally don't get timeloops made like that anymore)

So yeah I guess he got rid of the water bed? IDK how early the timeloop episode is in the show but based on how the rest of his apartment looked (he literally tripped over his work shoes on the way to the kicthen and then iirc couldn't find them when he was actually on his way out the door) it's not surprising

crying at mulders cartoon looking apartment

[gallavictorious]

I loved Gallavich in 10x08 but struggled quite a bit with them in 10x09 and 10x10 (even if I personally loved the brawl proposal), partly because Mickey's behaviour in regards to Byron makes me cringe so hard, and partly because we don't get a proper explanation for how Ian goes from ”how do you know you love me” to ”and if you let me...  “ and this bugs me.

However, never let it be said that I'm not ready to do whatever interpretative work needs to be done  for my favourite couple to make sense, so here it is:

How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Episodes.

(Disclaimer: I'm just now watching season 10 in its entirerty and you guys have been at this for a while. If you've heard it all before, please be patient with a newbie who just really needs to sort through her thoughts and emotions.)

Now, I know that many fans would have preferred Byron to actually like Mickey, and I've seen pre-episode 10x10 takes where people theorized that Byron, rather than list all the ways Mickey sucks would list all the way he soars, thus leading to an eavesdropping Ian's realization that he needs to be with Mickey forever. And while that would have been very sweet in its own way – I am myself very much here for more people appreciating Mickey – I think it would ultimately have been far less realistic, for two reasons: 1, Mickey was never going to treat Byron well, and 2, Ian's reservations about getting married were never rooted in a lack of love for Mickey.

Mickey's cringe-worthy treatment of Byron stems from him trying to perform two different roles at the same time: he strives to be demonstratively affectionate whenever they're in front of Ian, but this reads as fundamentally false becuase this is not how Mickey normally shows affection. But Mickey's usual mode of loving communication is both far less overt than this, and thus less fit for the purpose, but also something he would never allow Byron to experience, because Mickey being loving is largely tied to Mickey allowing himself to be vulnerable, to be open and himself, and since Byron is not someone he trusts, or even respects, that's never going to happen. I'd argue that Mickey chooses Byron exactly because he perceives Byron as ”weak” and so someone he can use for his own means without Byron putting up a fight about it - but at the same time, associating with this ”weakness” actualizes all of Mickey's internalized ideas about strenght, manliness, South Side, etc, which leads him to revert back to his extra special thuggish behaviour in order to continually establish dominance and distance himself from the more effeminate homosexuality Byron represents. So, he treats Byron rather nastily, while at the same time employing conventional means of demonstrating affection whenever Ian's around, which serves both as a means to show oh god, how very very much in love with Byron he is, and as a means to always maintain a distance from Byron himself. Which is actually very realistic, given what we know of Mickey, but makes for a whiplash watching experience, and yes. Cringe.

And I'm pretty sure Mickey isn't even trying to fool Ian here: he doesn't expect Ian to believe that he has suddenly fallen in love with someone else. (So again, the unconvincing declarations of love on Mickey’s part serves a purpose here; they’re unconvincing on purpose, if maybe not alway consciously so.) This is an act calculated to provoke a response, becaue he needs Ian to prove something to him, to fight for him. (This bit, about Mickey needing a grand gesture rather than words have been discussed by many others in more articulate ways, so I'm not going to dwell on that.)

But regardless: everything Ian overhears Byron say is true (well, apart from the dumb bit – but I think Byron can be forgiven for not getting that, becaues I doubt Mickey made any effort at all to put his smarts on display, and our boy sure does act dumb from time to time). So why is hearing Byron say it enough to spur Ian into the grand gesture Mickey is looking for? Sure, we all get really pissed when hear others talk smack about the ones we love, but Ian's reluctance to marry was never rooted in Ian doubting his feelings for Mickey, so realizing that ”oh, I need to beat this one up because he's mean to my man” can hardly be the catalysator here. Actually, I don't think it is the catalysator – it just paves the way for the moment that is.

Bear wih me for a while:

That Mickey believes that it's Ian's feelings for him that waver isn't hard to understand: Ian has left him, multiple times, and considering how hard he went for the ”if we love and trust each other the maybe this decision isn't that hard” I absolutely get that Mickey, when Ian backs out, comes to the conclusion that Ian does not, in fact, love and/or trust him, at least not enough. But Ian does, and he verbally reaffirms that throughout these and the previous episodes. Does his insecurity, then, stem from an uncertainty that Mickey will be able to love him throughout his highs and lows? This is what he tries to tell Mickey when the whole promise rings thing fall apart, and I get that it pisses Mickey off, because hasn't Mickey already demonstrated, again and again, that he will stick by Ian, no matter what? Is Ian really so dense and insecure as not to see that?

I actually think that Ian absolutely knows that Mickey will stand by him through thick and thin, and this scares him because what if he develops into someone that Mickey no longer can love but feels obligated to stay with anyway? Ian hates being helpless; Ian hates being a victi; Ian hates feeling indebted to people because that implies he can't take care of himself, and I think that nothing terrifies him more than being a project, or being someone people stay with because they pity him or worry that he can't take care of himself. The issue here, I think, is that he doesn't trust Mickey to leave.

Why this would would be a bigger problem than it already is if they were married I don't quite get, but marriage typically speaks of a stronger and more formal committment and so is even harder to break up from, maybe? Hm. This part I haven't quite figured out yet.

Anyhow. Ian's problem is that he is scared that Mickey will stick with him even when Mickey really would rather leave, Mickey's problem – apart from him being pretty nasty to Byron – is that he wants a Grand Gesture and Proof of Love from Ian, because just expressions of love doesn’t cut it with him. This, I think, is not the proposal, but the fact that Ian shows up with a fake date. This obvious attempt at making Mickey jealous is enough to prove to Mickey that yeah, this means something to Ian too. Particularly since it comes right at the heels of Mickey experiencing a moment of true fear, when Ian announces his new partner: what if this is real, what if Mickey took things too far, what if he fucked this up? But then he sees Cole (who is, btw, awesome) and he sees Ian's face, and he knows exactly what Ian is up to. I think it was fiona-fififi who noted that they both realize that they'll be going home togheter this evening, even though they also have to go through the movements of a proper reconciliation. I tend to think of this as Mickey knowing they're going to make up, because he's prepared for that now, but Ian doesn't know it, yet. Mickey's just waiting for the opportune moment, and he's probably feeling a bit insecure, too, because how do you make the first move after all this?

But then, when Ian tops the whole thing off by beating up Byron (which Byron really didn't deserve, becaue after what Mickey put him through, he has earned the right to badmouth him – even if he is a coward for not just making Mickey leave), yeah, that's Mickey done for, that was all he needed. When he walks over to the pile of bodies, going ”hey”, that's an overture of peace: at this point, Ian doesn't actually need to propse to win him back. That is already a done deal.

I think Ian knows this too. I actually need Ian to know this too, because otherwise it will forever feel like he agreed to something he really didn't want just to have Mickey back, and this doesn't sit right with him. But then the question remain – why the fuck did he propose? What changed, that he suddenly felt confident enough in Mickey's ability to leave that he felt comfortable formalizing their union?

Maybe it's the simple fact that Mickey did leave. When he felt himself unfairly treated by Ian, he did leave and hooked-up with someone else. Admittedly and obviously in an attempt to get back at Ian, but he stubbornly stuck with it through Ian's various attempts at getting him back. Mickey is utterly in love with and devoted to Ian, but he's no wiltering flower: he will stand up for himself, and if he feels like he's not being treated right, he sure as hell will make certain Ian hears about this. Seeing Mickey standing there over him, returned only now that Ian has satisifed his need for proof of love, I think this is what Ian finally gets. This, in combination with feeling on a very deep and visceral level that he never wants Mickey to walk away and have to return again, is what prompts the proposal.

And hey - maybe he's still not completely sure about this whole getting married business, but he is sure about Mickey, so he's prepared to take the leap. Mickey may be rough in a lot of ways, but he's perfect for Ian in a way that no one else has ever been, and that's worth taking a chance on.

Anyway, this is what I think I think at the moment. Maybe I'll think something else in a while? Do you have thoughts? I'd love to hear them.

TL;DR Everything that happened in 10x09 and 10x10 actually makes sense and are in character, but should I really have to work this hard to get that?