#this dude thinks poor people want to be poor

[pagesfromthevoid]

So High School | r. r.

Robert "Bob" Reybnolds x Thunderbolts!reader

Word Count: 3.2k

Warnings: Mentions of sex. Walker being an asshole. Heavy making out and hickeys. General discussion of Bob's mental health

Author's Note: The horny thoughts got turned into feelings because of therapy but alas

Bob Masterlist | Talk to Me! | AO3

It started as a joke.

Sort of.

None of it was technically a lie after the initial lie. 

It was more of a “get off my back” kind of situation but then it became a “let’s fuck with Walker” kind of deal because he wouldn’t drop it. And his reaction was…hilarious, honestly. Especially because Yelena and Ava immediately played along, no questions asked.

“How did you not notice?” Yelena asked, giving Walker a look that suggested he was an idiot. “The moment she saw him in the vault, she had heart eyes for him.”

“It was not the moment I saw him,” she argued back, pointing at the blonde. “It was like…ten minutes later, when he called Walker an asshole and laughed. Then it was definitely a ‘oh, okay. Hear me out,’ kind of moment.”

“Okay, fair,” Ava conceded, nodding. “Though, I think it stopped being a ‘hear me out’ bit pretty soon after.”

“Oh, immediately after,” she agreed, crossing her arms over her chest. “You know when it was?”

“I swear to God,” Yelena groaned, knowing absolutely what she was about to say. “It was when he was shot, wasn’t it?”

“Oh my god,” she practically moaned, covering her face with her hands. “Listen. I felt so bad. You don’t get it. This poor boy has been shot and he’s not dying and I’m sure he was scared as hell. But did you see him? Those abs? That look he gave those agents? Fuck me, dude. It’s not a ‘hear me out.’ It’s a ‘hold me back.’”

Walker, at that point, was flabbergasted. Yelena and Ava being privy to the whole thing was enough for him to believe it, but he was so confused. Her? And Bob? Of all people? Of all of them on the team?

Bob??

“Then why aren’t you with him now?” He asked, like he thought he could catch her in a lie.

“He’s asleep?” She pointed out, giving him a ‘duh’ kind of look. “He doesn’t sleep a lot. You think I’m going to go wake him up just because I’m horny?”

She paused. Considered what would happen if John were to go ask Bob himself about their “relationship.” Then she decided that she should probably loop Bob in on it –or at least make sure he was okay with fucking with Walker.

“Actually, you know what. That’s exactly what I’m gonna do.”

And that’s how she ends up in Bob’s room, sitting criss-crossed on the end of his bed, and him sitting mirror opposite of her, confused. 

“So you…told Walker that we’re dating…as a joke?” He asks, and she can’t tell if he’s upset by the whole thing.

“Yes. And I would super appreciate it if you played along because for some reason, he’s really confused by it and I really, truly find it funny. But it’s also totally okay if you don’t want to go along with it, and we can shut it down right now. I really –it’s not something you need to go along with at all.”

“I don’t…I don’t really understand, but I like the idea of messing with Walker so I guess I’m in,” he decides, grinning that boyish grin of his. The room relaxes significantly as she lets out a relieved breath. “So uh, what…what do we need to do to make it believable?”

She did not think this far ahead, honestly. She’s kind of surprised he agreed to play along, honestly. “I mean…I don’t know. He is under the impression I came in here to wake you up for, uh,” she pauses, feeling herself flush as she considers how to phrase it. “I told him I was going to wake you up because I was horny, so there’s that.”

Bob sits there for a second, and she briefly wonders if he’s okay. He kind of looks like he’s short circuiting; eyes blank for a moment as he stares at her. Then he drops one of his legs to the floor, sitting half on the bed. “I could give you a hickey.”

She sputters, completely thrown off by the suggestion. She opens her mouth once, then shuts it. Then opens it again and manages to say, “You –what?”

“I mean, I’ve never given one before. But that would be believable, right?”

She’s sort of stuck on the fact that he’s never given a hickey before and now she really wants to get one and give one. How high school –hickeys. Her mom always said they were gross but the idea of Bob putting his mouth anywhere on her is…enticing as hell. 

So she nods. That’s all she does, because she truly has no idea what she’s gotten herself into.

Bob’s going to give her a hickey, and she’s kind of…very excited about that.

“Okay, yeah. That’s…that’s definitely a good start,” she finally says, confirming the first step in a very stupid plan. 

But he doesn’t move, and she doesn’t either. Because suddenly this is not actually a joke to either of them it feels like. On the contrary, Bob looks like he’s about to have a panic attack.

“Actually, I just…Why was I…I just –I’m curious –,” he starts, stuttering his way through what he’s trying to say. He’s leaning forward some, and she can see the workings of his mind in his eyes. The tug of his brows as he’s thinking about something that’s going to cause him heartache of some kind. And she knows what it is. She just…she knows.

“I swear, I did it because he wouldn’t leave me alone about who I would date on the team. He really wanted me to say him, and I really would rather give myself a lobotomy than even consider dating him.”

“But that…I mean, that doesn’t explain…,” he points to himself, sort of tugging at his sweater. “Why was I the first person that came to mind?” He asks, shifting uncomfortably. She worries now that she’s hurt him with this whole thing.

“Well I –,” she pauses, and considers what she’s about to say. 

She could tell him the truth –after all, everything that followed the “Dude, I’m dating Bob. Where have you been?” comment was…well, it was true. She had absolutely thought he was cute in the vault. And she absolutely gawked when he was shot –not only because he was shot and alive and also flying but because of the abs and how he looked in that moment –confused, but confident. Alarmed, but ready to fight. But that is wholly embarrassing for her. The longer she sits there and considers it, however, the more he probably thinks she’s an asshole. 

So she confesses, and her face is burning because she really didn’t think she would be confessing any sort of crush on Bob tonight. “Because…It made sense,” she tries to explain. But that sounds stupid so she backtracks some. “Listen…It makes sense because I would totally date you. In a heartbeat. If you were…in a place to do that. But I don’t expect you to feel the same or even want to do that.”

He looks even more confused now. But his cheeks are blooming with blush, and it’s spreading down his neck and just below his collar. And she’s now distracted, thinking that if she could see his chest, the blush would be spreading there too. And now she’s thinking about him shirtless, which is absolutely not the thing to do.

“Oh,” he says. Though that’s all he says as he shifts in the bed, moving to plant his feet on the floor. His hands are gripping the side of the mattress tight enough that his knuckles are turning white.

“I’m sorry, Bob,” she says, looking down at her hands. Trying to will her own blush away because now she’s humiliated and she’s an asshole. “I really wasn’t trying to make you uncomfortable –I’ll go tell Walker I was lying. Seriously, it’s not –,”

“Why don’t we actually date then?” He interrupts, looking up at her.

“I don’t want you to feel obligated just because I told you I would,” she quickly counters, snapping her attention to him. “Just because I like you doesn’t mean I’ll stop being your friend if you don’t want to date me. God forbid, that would be horrible of me.”

“I don’t feel obligated,” he argues, taking a beat to calm himself down. His hands relax and the color returns to his knuckles. “I know I’m not…the best,” he says, and she’s about to argue but he continues before she can. “But I…I do really like you. And I’d…I’d like to try to take you out on a date. Probably have to take things slow or something, but if that’s okay with you…”

“‘Or something’ being giving me a hickey to freak out Walker?” She jokes, trying to ease the tension in the room.

He laughs. Actually laughs; not one of his uncomfortable ones. But a real laugh that’s soft and sweet and she can’t help but laugh as well when he nods. “Yeah, yeah…we can fast forward a little to that part, if you want.”

“Do you want to do that?”

He hesitates, and she’s about to tell him it's totally okay if he doesn’t want to. But he nods finally. “Yeah. Yeah, I do, actually. But uh,” he stops, and there’s this look on his face that suggests that he’s really considering his next question. At this point, he could ask her just about anything and she’d probably say yes, though. “Can we…maybe not fast forward through the making out part before the hickey?”

“Oh my god, you’re going to be the death of me,” she laughs, moving across the bed on her hands and knees towards him.

“I hope not,” he says, and he sounds genuinely concerned as she sits beside him.

She reaches up and brushes a lock of hair out of his face. “Metaphorically speaking,” she reassures. 

She doesn’t know what to do next, honestly. Not because she doesn’t have any experience, but because she feels nervous for the first time in years over a guy. Which is ridiculous, but at the same time…it’s a good feeling to have.

“Can I…can I kiss you, now?” He asks, but his voice is soft. Trembling. Like he’s afraid she’s going to suddenly change her mind and leave him there, embarrassed. 

“I’d really like that, yeah.”

He’s still timid –a little awkward, a little shaky –but he leans in closer, and she meets him in the middle. Their noses brush just slightly before the space between them is closed. It’s slow at first; testing the waters to make sure they both know what they’re doing. Truly, as high school as they could get without actually being in high school. But she presses forward slightly, resting one hand on his knee and the other hand on his chest. He mimics the motion, sort of, and one of his hands cups the back of neck, his fingers tangling in her hair. His other covers the hand resting on his knee, interlocking their fingers.

It’s her who pulls them backwards onto the bed, their legs still dangling off the side. Their entwined hands are up by her head now and the hand on his chest is grasping at the collar of his shirt, pulling him closer as she swipes her tongue across his bottom lip. Bob is half laying on her, the hand in her hair untangling itself to gently run down her ribcage through her shirt. She hums in response, and he tenses some but doesn’t stop. Instead, he pulls away from her mouth, and she sighs as his lips press against her jaw. 

The movement is just as awkward at first, but he finds a rhythm as he presses a kiss just below her ear then trails them down her throat. His stubble –barely there, but there enough to tickle –brushes her skin and she sighs in content as she loosens the grip on his shirt and tangles her fingers in his hair. Guiding him, carefully, kindly, to the spot on her throat that she wants to feel him mark. The pulse point that drums her heartbeat for this very moment. 

He hesitates again, and this time she’s pretty sure it’s because he actually doesn’t know how to give a hickey. So she forces herself to let go of his hair and taps just below his jaw to get his attention. When he pulls away, his cheeks are bright red and flushed, but he’s got a soft smile on his face. 

“Let me show you,” she offers, and he nods, letting her take the lead if only for a lesson. 

She pushes him onto his back and takes the same position he had been over her. One hand on his rib cage, deftly moving to run her fingers over his abs as she presses a soft kiss to his lips one more time. He tries to pull her back, but she nudges his cheek with her nose, pressing a light kiss there before trailing down his jaw and below his ear –mimicking the movements he had gotten correct. Then, she grazes just at his pulse –presses her tongue against his heartbeat, which spikes the moment her teeth touch his skin –not a bite. Just a little graze. Then she sucks and the sound that comes from his lips is soft but an obvious moan. 

When she pulls away, she admires the handiwork with a soft grin and a quick kiss to his jaw one more time. Then she’s looking down at him, hovering just high enough to see the glossy eyed smile on his face. She misses it, but his eyes shift some –gold flickering through as he returns to the original position and repeats the motions one more time. His mouth on hers in a soft but firm kiss. Then quick, soft kisses along her jaw and down her throat –on the opposite side now of where she left his. He follows her steps to the tee, like a lesson he wants to have perfected, and grazes his teeth along her pulse. When it quickens under his tongue, he hums in excitement, unable to help himself as he marks her as his.

He gets a little carried away, enjoying how she squirms under him as he presses kisses and soft bites to her neck. One hickey isn’t enough, and he leaves several before she’s littered in little bruises all over her throat. He’s about to push it a bit further, confident in his movements for the first in…ever, really, when the glass on his table suddenly explodes.

They yank apart, and she’s got a hand over her heart like she’s panicked. He’s staring at the puddle of water and glass that’s littering his nightstand, his eyes wide. She sees it before he does it –sees him pull away, shrink back behind the wall he’s put up to protect himself and anyone he thinks is in danger because of him. Behind the wall he thinks protects her from him.

“Bob,” she whispers, reaching up to try to get him to look at her, but he fights her, refusing to take his eyes from the splinters of glass. “Hey, it’s okay –we got a little carried away. It happens.”

He shakes his head though, and reaches up to wipe his eyes. It’s then that she realizes he’s started crying, and her heart breaks. She pulls her hands away and shifts, sitting up on her knees and wraps her arms around him from behind. Holds him close, and presses her cheek into his hair as she does so. His hands clutch at her arms, holding onto her like she’s the only thing tethering him to this world and the shadows. 

“It’s okay,” she promises. And she does mean that. It is okay. It will be, at least. “It’s okay –think of it this way –you broke a glass instead of a person, and that means you know how to direct it towards non-living things.” She’s not sure that’s actually reassuring, but she thinks it is, personally. There are worse things to have broken over a glass of water. 

“It could have been you,” he argues, voice shaking as he tries to calm down the tears. 

“But it wasn’t,” she reminds him, pulling him closer against her. “It wasn’t, and we don’t focus on the ‘what if’s’ because it’ll just make things worse. You didn’t hurt me. You didn’t hurt yourself. I would say that that’s a key marker of progress.”

He turns some, finally looking up at her with watery eyes. She pulls the sleeve of her shirt down and wipes the tears from his cheeks, smiling at him softly. Slowly, he wraps his arms around her waist and pulls her close, resting his cheek against her chest. She hugs him back just as tight, pressing a kiss into his hair. 

They sit there for a little while like this. Holding onto each other for dear life; grounding each other in the space they were sharing for the moment. Then Bob sniffles and pulls away, running his hands over his face. 

“It’s okay,” he repeats, though she’s certain he’s reassuring himself and not her. “I’m sorry I ruined –,”

“You didn’t ruin shit,” she interrupts, pointing at him in a scolding sort of way. But she’s smirking lightly. “You gave me a hickey. Everything else was just…a bonus.”

“I think I gave you more than one,” he points out, then gently pokes each mark on her throat and counts them. “Seven.”

“I suppose I owe you six more, some time then.”

*****

“Wait,” Walker says, slamming his hands on the table. Bob flinches, and she touches his leg gently under the table. “I just…I truly cannot believe this.”

“I don’t know what to tell you,” she says, and Bob takes her hand in his. His attention is focused on the paper in front of him and the spirals he’s drawing. “I told you we were dating.”

Ava and Yelena are both still playing along, though they’re equally as confused. Not by the fact that she and Bob are a thing –but by the fact that they hadn’t actually picked up on it themselves. 

“I just –listen. I gotta know,” Walker starts and she’s so certain he’s about to say something stupid. “Isn’t…it’s gotta be weird just saying ‘Bob’ over and over when you’re bed. Like, c’mon. Do you say ‘Robert’? Or ‘Bobby’? Or is it just…literally ‘Bob’? Because honestly, that’s…weird to consider.”

She’s about to argue that it’s weird he’s even thinking about them having sex (which, not that it’s any of his business, but they hadn’t). But Bob speaks up first. 

“Her mouth is a little too preoccupied to say anything,” he says, though he’s definitely saying that more to himself than to anyone else. 

She chokes, covering her mouth. Everyone else is just…staring at him. He realizes a second too late that he said the inside thought outside. Then he flushes and tries to backtrack.

“I’m sorry, that’s not –I mean –,”

“Bob, you dog!” Alexei cackles, putting a hand on Bob’s shoulder and shaking it some. “Good for you!”

---

Bob Taglist: @ilovemarvel12 @withahappyrefrain (I'm tagging you specifically because you asked me to share with the class and ily)

[rosetyler42]

Ericka: Hard to say. Yes, she's a trained assassin/monster huntress. She's even a martial artist. But she tends to use weapons rather than bare hands. As does the person who trained her. It's possible but I'm not sure.

Lucy: Oh, definitely. She's got vampire powers including super strength PLUS her mom's martial arts and gymnastic skill. It would be easy if she had the desire to.

Simon: Probably. He tends to prefer weapons but he's a big guy, a humany dhampir, and knows some martial arts. He's got Dracula's pragmatism. Biggest thing is he's a shy timid and sensitive boy who'd rather make friends than fight but he definitely COULD if he wanted.

Alice: Oh definitely. She hasn't in canon but I have no doubt she COULD if she wanted.

Audrey: No, she's pretty defenseless without a weapon. She normally just hides or sneaks by enemies in those situations. Plus she seems to lack the desire to kill. She's only killing for self defense basically.

@lovelylivelyv 's Jack Nephalem: Yes, especially as Hijack. He's about as powerful as Alice and Bendy. Alice definitely could and Bendy HAS.

Mr. Ring-A-Ding/Lux Imperator: Tends to use powers to kill, for example draining the Doctor's regeneration energy. He also wanted to unleash nuclear bombs on the world. He did trap 15 people on film as images and nearly trapped The Doctor and Belinda in realistic illusions. That said, his "physical" form seems a bit limited particularly when it comes to his size. After he learns perspective and becomes 2 ft tall, he has trouble climbing stairs. He also threatens Mr. Pye with burning his wife's film reel. It's also an interesting question since he's technically made of light, he's just taking the form of a cartoon.

Bill: Kind of similar to Mr. Ring-A-Ding he tends to use his powers to cause chaos. That said, his One-winged angel monster form could probably kill with it's bare hands.

Ford: I don't think so. He tends to use weapons and generally doesn't WANT to kill unless he has to. He'd have to be pretty mad to try.

Fidds: Possibly! He did chase around Soos with intent to eat (and threatened to do it even after he got back in his human body.) He also ate his way through a dinosaur. Not to mention he's an ex-farm boy. So I could see him killing a person with his bare hands. He tends to prefer giant robots though.

Mabel: She's pretty strong but I'm not sure, she's only 12 and lacks the desire to kill most of the time.

Meteora: Yes, no question. Easily. She's got a giant monster form. If she didn't steal souls instead I have no doubt she could kill of she wanted.

Eclipsa: I don't think so. She mainly uses magic and she has to have the wand for that.

Bloo: Possibly considering his strength but he'd have to be REALLY pissed off and the poor dude's like 12 mentally.

Coraline: No, she'd have to resort to other methods. She's only 11 and only kills when she HAS to. Prefers to outwit her enemies.

Pomni: Hard to say

Caine: Hard to say, he's basically the god of the world but we've only seen him use his powers to "delete" an NPC so far.

Shego: Probably, yeah. She HASN'T that we know of, but she's got super powers and martial arts skill. She could easily tear someone apart with her bare hands.

Every poll on this blog is about fictional characters only. This request was sent to us and we made a poll in response to it. Send any Blorbo-related question you want to our inbox and we’ll make a poll on which people can vote with their own Blorbos in minds

[new-austin]

In my mind. Nevarra still eats their fair share of meat. In the Grand Necropolis halls, consuming flesh is banned, but outside the Necropolis- go wild eat whatever. Most necromancers, especially those working specifically with the grand necropolis, are vegetarian. Some are not. But in the Grand Necropolis you're not going to be served meat.

The common populace typically eats meat, but most restaurants have several vegetarian options for the rich necromancer customers.

[do-what-you-want-with-me]

BRETT DALTON as Mark Trent Found 2.08 “Missing While Haunted”

[megumi-fm]

.

[trans-estinien]

i love being autistic cause sometimes i get a glimpse into how regular people perceive things and its like. what the fuck. what the fuck is that? you live like this? and its normal?? i think YOURE the weird one actually. im fine. thanks though.

[melancholic-pigeon]

Okay this is the *actual* last comment, for real, but I just found out Spider is now smearing me as a convert and accusing me of being involved with drama I was not involved with because he mistakenly attributed my apologies for his public temper tantrum as being about something unrelated.

THIS IS A FALSE ACCUSATION and I do not appreciate having yet another bit of fake malicious intent falsely ascribed to my actions and* attributing a completely unrelated attack to me.

Also, it's very sad and disappointing whenever a Jew gets mad at a convert because something else is going on in the Jew's life and the convert happens to be in the splash zone and the Jew falls over backwards to smear the convert and invalidate her faith.

Just....the childish aggression is making me so, so sad and disappointed, from someone I used to think very highly of, who is now lying about me and publicly smearing me with false accusations based on a conflict he started because he misinterpreted something I said and I went out of my way to give him the benefit of the doubt when trying to clear up the mistake HE MADE that led him to decide bullying and attacking me for three fucking days was appropriate and okay and that I'm the bad guy for saying it's wildly unprofessional to behave like this in public to a former customer face.

Sorry, but facts, reality, linear time and the truth of what I actually said and did are on my side here, and I will not stand for being smeared and attacked and shat all over because I had the gall to try to kindly resolve his uncalled for, unjustified temper tantrum.

I am also not sorry that I left a side note in the tags that it was also unacceptable for HIM to drag his daughter into a stupid internet slapfight based on his own reading comprehension failure. Because it was and is unacceptable, and she needs to hear that message from someone.

End of story. Keep digging that hole as long as you like, Spider. It's not helping your case and is continuing to make you look progressively worse and more unreasonable, and the only person you have to blame is yourself.

*revised for clarity

[bonefall]

if jake isn’t firestar’s father, is tallstar still just as obsessed and parental with firestar?

imo, the funniest headcanon in warriors is that jake isn’t firestar’s father but tallstar is such a pining idiot he looks at any orange cat and sees his former crush. if he was alive to see all the fire spawn he would absolutely lose it.

noooOOOO I know everyone likes that but (quickly pauses to check ur pronouns, sees no pronouns listed) FRIEND i don't like that retcon at all, not even a tiny little bit

In TPB, Tallstar doesn't softball Fireheart until he's proven himself as someone very different from a standard Clan cat... even after he goes to fetch him from exile, he's standing firm that WindClan cannot forever be in ThunderClan's 'debt'. He even repays ThunderClan's "kindness" by attacking them over not executing a blinded Brokentail.

He ISN'T obsessed with Fireheart, he barely even speaks particularly nicely about him until Fireheart goes against Bluestar's DIRECT orders to stop war with WindClan, trying to rally ThunderClan for peace and broker a peace deal. I think it's actually a very good, touching development that Fireheart's actions end up causing peace with WindClan in a way previously unseen by Forest Four.

What sucks most about TPB is how they pivot, in the end, to say "status quo good" when the whole arc before that is a testament to how Bluestar and her protege Fireheart challenge that idea. Dethroning Brokenstar, fetching WindClan, feeding RiverClan which Blue only slaps Fire on the wrist for...

But it makes it a better story that Tallstar was always going to have a good opinion of Fireheart because he looks like a gay lover he had in his 20s???

I feel like it makes TPB worse and makes the WindClan Rebellion pathetic

Why couldn't it actually be that Tallstar truly wanted peace, but misjudged Onewhisker because he barely knew him? Why are we stripping away the tragedy that is Tallstar making a hasty, naive decision in the hopes of a better world, only to plunge his Clan into even more chaos? Not realizing that friendship is only easy when it's not under pressure, forgetting to consider how insidious Clan culture can be, and what sorts of horrors he was about to shackle Onewhisker to?

Why do we have to turn this into Tallstar trying to giving his ex-lover's son a political freebie, because they're both gingers? I don't like it at all. I don't like Pining Idiot Tallstar. I like it most as a naive choice which, up in heaven and far away, he now deeply regrets.

Thinking about it, you could say that BB!Tallstar's theme is naivety. Naive to think that he always understands the rules, and that he can 'have his cake and eat it too.'

He couldn't bring his son Fly to the Clan and expect him to stay innocent. He couldn't end the Shadow/Wind War while claiming the Mouthermouth Moorland. He couldn't wait until the last minute to change his deputy and expect the new leader to be what he wanted.

ANYWAY YEAH lmao sorry, got carried away. TLDR no. I know it's a popular headcanon and I don't knock on folks who like it, but it's not my cuppa tea. I very intentionally am retconning the retcons. Retconception if you will

[sylkana]

while on the topic of humans and society, the earth literally provides everything we need for survival. we can build shelter, hunt/gather food and find water. we have all of this for free but because some fucks decided that some people just don't "deserve" to live for whatever reason, we have the society we know today

[idiosyncraticrednebula]

People on social media will get mad as hell and call you problematic if you enjoy a villain for being, well, a villain.

[ilikelookingatthings]

Was talking to a johivah's witness and a Baptist today(my mom is SO irritated I won't just send them away but what can I say....I got curious and they already know i'm catholic) ...and they asked me why I'm curious about the bible.....and I told them about hazbin hotel.....I told these nice sweet ladys about HAZBIN HOTEL. And then talked about the possible theming and intent. about about forgivness and redemption themes in the show(plus the musicals) and how I'm curious about literature that the show pulled from....and that was 15 minutes ago and now I'm horrified because what if these ladies look it up!!!!!

[tsukihigui]

deleted my twitter app (not account) bc i really can’t handle the intense no-nuance high-stakes takes right now. not that here is all that much better but it’s definitely less of a time sink

[fowlblue]

Well, also no, this is ‘The Fowl Twins’-era, so Artemis is in his mid-to-late 20s at this point, Minerva married and had a kid with an elf, also becoming a crime boss, after briefly dating Artemis (it didn’t work out), Beckett married a ghost, and Myles sort of has superpowers. The idea of a being considering Artemis and Holly as parental figures is just funny — the discussion is mainly drawn out of how technically she meets the definition of offspring, the idea that Artemis wouldn’t realise until afterward being incredibly in-character for him, even if not the focus of the main plot (that being more things like a random immortal man, an evil nun, and a regular little person impersonating a fantasy dwarf for years).

. . . Okay.

Artemis, regardless of whether this is Fowl Twins-era or not, was still a child when he met Holly and was such for the vast majority of his ‘screen time’. Holly has always been an adult, knew him through his child and teen years, and thus shouldn’t really be shipped with him, because it’s an adult with a child that they knew as a child for the majority of that time. Like a former adult babysitter trying to hook up with someone they babysat when they were little once they become 18. Like… despite it not being an A/H thing, are you defending A/H to me now? I’ve expressed countless times that I don’t like it either way and that’s not what this discussion is about.

(Anon, the way you are explaining this to me makes it out as if I’ve never read TFT or it’s sequels- I’m aware of where everyone else ended up, and have spoken about it before. Do you know like… anything about my blog?)

I don’t care if NANNI ‘technically meets the definition of offspring’- I reiterate, by that logic she’s not ‘Artemis and Holly’s child’, but the child of like… four people. Seriously, the emphasis on A/H specifically makes it look shippy. If that’s the case, then just admit it, or at least acknowledge how it looks. I don’t give a flying flip whether or not you ship it, but it looks that way to everyone else, regardless of initial intent.

At the root of this, breaking it down entirely, I don’t think an A/H ‘parenting’ dynamic is funny. It’s weird. Therefore, the joke, while slightly amusing once, is no longer funny, the sheer volume of asks regarding it is weird (especially towards artists), and the whole thing is just… odd. Really odd.

[beddhead-red]

really i think something people need to take to heart is just "people set boundaries sometimes and if they're reasonably doable and you don't try to follow them you're kind of an asshole"

it doesn't matter if it's rational or reasonable, no matter how you argue it, if someone decides "I don't like this behavior and don't want you to do it around me" and you make no good faith effort to accommodate that and especially if you instead turn and argue "well actually you're being stupid" you're kinda just a dick

why do you care so much about such a small thing you can do to make someone feel better?

[bandedbulbussnarfblat]

maybe i did have rizz all along... and that's why all my guy friends ended up hitting on me in high school and college (or it could have been the big boobs. probably was the big boobs)

[zolo-san]

I know I just rambled in the tag, but if you took the time to read all that, might I direct you to this post & my ramblings there as well~

Something about Zoro being one of the most misunderstood and mischaracterized characters in One Piece is funny (not haha funny, funny sad) to me because?? That’s literally how his introduction starts?? With people misunderstanding him and thinking he’s some big, monstrous demon who kills with cause and cannot be trusted or tamed.

Meanwhile the actual Zoro is a driven guy who is often both literally and figuratively directionless in life and found his goals in life through good people (first Kuina and then Luffy). He's tied up in the Marine base not due to those actual crimes he commuted (well not inherently anyway) but because he ‘disrespected’ a Captain's son and stood up for a little girl. He accepts the challenge they present to him and because Zoro himself is a guy that puts his money where his mouth is he assumes the Marines will uphold their end of the deal and let him go (note the actual shock when Koby tells him the truth)

He joins Luffy's crew but also outright says he’s not gonna let his goal take second place to Luffy or anyone else's for that matter, he bears the weight of two people's dreams, his heart isn’t going to be swayed by some pirate.

Speaking of Kuina, her impact and influence on Zoro's life isn’t talked about enough for my liking. She was Zoro's first friend, his first rival, his first goal. He looked up to her so much and his reaction to her passing cracks my heart in half every time because you can seem him just..go numb. Kuina, dead? Kuina, the strongest person he knows, gone? Kuina, who swore to him just yesterday they’d race to the top of the world together, doesn’t exist anymore. His blank face only cracking within the privacy of his sensei before he begs. He begs on his knees, tears streaming down his face please please please let me take Kuina's sword with me. Let me take our dream to a high neither of us could imagine. I won’t let her name die here.

On top of gaining the Wado Ichimonji that day Zoro also gained…fear. Not of death, well at the very least not his own, he gained his fear of not being enough. Kuina kicked his ass every way a person could and still died, what could someone like him do? So he trains…and trains…and trains some more. Overly, obsessively, constantly telling himself he’s not enough, he’s weak, he can’t protect anyone like this and everyone's death would be on him.

As for Zoro being cold and stoic that’s just…not completely true? He’s not stone, he can be excited or sad or angry just as much as most characters he just sucks at showing it canonically (Kuina thinks he hates her before their final fight after all). Sure he’s not as forthcoming about it as some of the other Strawhats but Zoro's more of an action guy anyway, he'll show his love with his protection and unwavering faith.

In conclusion, Zoro is a ridiculously stubborn, incredibly loyal, mildly emotionally constipated, do what you say/say what you mean kinda guy.

(Also that whole ‘Zoro would kill the whole crew if Luffy asked him to’ thing? Top ten stupidest things I’ve ever heard from the fandom and that’s saying a lot. He’s loyal not brainless and heartless guys if Luffy asked him to do that, he would never but I digress, Zoro would square the fuck up with him so fast. DPMO.)