#this couldve been avoided if they didnt follow me out. but oh well.

[orcelito]

Been fiddling with my phone in bed for like an hour ish. Decided to finally actually sleep, but figured I should use the bathroom first. Both cats were already settled with me in bed, tho I knew I'd end up waking up needing to pee if I didn't go now, so I decided to go anyways.

As I was leaving the bed, I tried to tell them, "I'll be Right Back... don't get up..."

But of course. They both got up immediately. And Tally followed me right into the bathroom to sit on the litter box and keep me company (as she likes to do).

Back in bed now. And I have neither cat with me 😑

[ador3him]

the cocky frank series is so good so far keep it up :))!

Cocky Frank Part 6

pairing: frank x reader

warnings: swearing

a/n: yeah the drama rlly starts in this part!! send in ideas please!!! and other requests for different members !!

frank sat on the sofa looking blankly out the window. his mind raced with people who couldve left y/n the notes. he felt a pang of jealousy knowing someone else was getting her attention. maybe he just had to come clean with his feelings, not only to himself but to y/n. but he couldnt, they were basically rivals. rivals cant like eachother.

he sighed, now or never.

"hey, gerard, ray can we talk? outside?" frank motioned toward the door. they nodded following him outside.

"whats up man?" gerard asked.

"so uh you know how youve been trying to get me to confess my feelings about y/n," he stopped, taking in a deep breath.

"well, yeah you guys were right," he breaths out feeling weight being taken off his shoulders.

"right about you liking her?" ray perches his eyebrow.

"oh god, you sound like were in middle school!" frank cringes.

"but yeah," he whispers quickly, avoiding eyecontact. ray and gerard high five.

"youre in luck frank, we have been leaving those notes for you and y/n," gerard said.

"wait what? why?" frank asked confused.

"well, we left little hints at the bottom of the letters. y/ns letters lead back to you, and yours to her! we dont need to leave you anymore notes though," ray explained.

"why would you do that! shell find out and think i am a freak," frank screamed.

"you fucking idoits!" he contuined. he frantically paced up and down the exterior of the bus.

ray and gerard were dumbfounded. shouldnt he be happy that they were helping him? they were just trying to get them together? what if y/n didnt actually respicate his feelings.

what they didnt know was y/n was listening from inside the bus.

"what the fuck!" y/n scream whispered to mikey, mouth agaped.

[bananonbinary]

I noticed in your tags you mentioned getting an autism diagnosis at an older age. I'm fairly certain I am but I'm not sure if it's worth it to get diagnosed because I hear people talk about how hard and expensive it is to get.

I meant to ask how did you go about it but I sent the ask too soon.

uhh well. it WAS really hard for me. i dont think my experience was super typical tho? at least, i hope not. (this is going to be kinda bleak, but i really don’t think it’s what you have to look forward to or anything. hopefully it could provide more of a roadmap for what not to do)

1) im actually pretty “““low-functioning,”““ which is a stupid term, but is relevant here because phone calls to strangers are basically impossible for me, and its very difficult for me to actually talk to People In Authority without freezing up and losing my voice. so i a) hit a lot of roadblocks that couldve been easily avoided by someone more outspoken, and b) had to rely a lot on my family to help have these conversations anyway. which i recognize isn’t really an option for a lot of people.

2) this all ended fairly recently and im still pretty mad about it, so it probably is a lil more negative than it has to be

the actual process was several years of nothing, followed by finally getting it done in a few months, and it was basically:

me: “hey the office i go to for mental health shit, i need a new psychiatrist, and i’m also pretty sure i have autism, do you have anyone who could help me get diagnosed with that?”

them: “sure here’s this guy” (guy does not know shit about autism, but waffles every time we ask and does not reveal that fact to us until several MONTHS later)

me: “hey guy i’m stuck with as a psychiatrist at the moment, i’m pretty sure i have autism, how do i get diagnosed”

them: “there is no way to diagnose autism in adults, and also autistic people are just spinning in circles and arent aware of the world around them, you aren’t autistic” (blatant lies AND heavy ableism lmao. i finally fired that asshole recently and it was supremely satisfying)

me: “hey my gp, im pretty sure im on the autism spectrum and my mental health professionals are fucking useless, pls help?”

them: “oh man, i love those mental health people :) anyway, aren’t we all on the autism spectrum somewhere? now, lets talk about your weight instead”

me: “hey local autism clinics, im pretty sure i’m autistic, any chance-”

them: “no. we only work with kids, and also need a referral from your gp. and we’re not taking any new patients at this time anyway”

finally, FINALLY, like 3 years later, i found a really great therapist, who’s also a licensed clinical social worker. for the record, i found her out of state and all of our appointments are by video call. highly recommend looking for this sort of set up if you’re having trouble finding mental healthcare professionals that don’t fucking suck in your area, because i promise having good therapy remotely is leagues better than shit therapy in person.

within like 3 months i told her i’m pretty sure i’m autistic, but couldn’t find any way to get diagnosed without my gp on board. she did some research for me, and reached out to a colleague of hers in the area that works with autistic people.

i got an appointment with said colleague (who was great), who basically went through the dsm checklist, said “yep youre autistic” and referred me to another doctor to actually get diagnosed.

that doctor sucked, and literally just went through the same damn checklist the previous doctor went through, but this time charged me $1500 for it, and didnt take our insurance. also said i couldnt be low functioning because i have thought about my gender identity. so, yikes.

but i got the diagnosis! huzzah!

and now my therapist is helping me to set up an appointment to work with an occupational therapist for sensory processing issues, so i can actually FINALLY get some goddamn help (which technically didn’t need the autism diagnosis but none of those shit doctors believed i HAD sensory processing issues until i got it, so). AND family is helping me finally figure out how to apply for disability so i can have some actual agency in my life. we’re also talking to that first doctor who said i was autistic, and she’s got loads to say about how antidepressants and shit dont even work in the expected way in autistic brains, and is hopefully gonna help me find things for non-autism mental health issues that actually, you know, work for me for the first time in my life.

the moral of this story is, it’s REALLY REALLY HARD to try and get a diagnosis if you don’t have a professional on your side. but if you do, it can be really good, and you just need to worry about the money issue. once i found someone who was willing to help me, even though she’s not actually a medical doctor or even in the same state as me, things moved shockingly quickly. and are still moving quickly. i’m really glad i actually did it, because i very desperately need help and i am very, very close to actually receiving it. most of the pain of this story boils down to me floundering because i had no clue what i was actually supposed to do, and no one i asked would give me a hint.

so...is it worth it? depends. even if you actually skip to the end there, i’m pretty sure the random ableism and ungodly price is pretty typical. so, if you think the potential opportunities a diagnosis presents is worth that part (which it super was in my case), then go for it! but if that doesn’t quite balance out for you, remember that there’s tons of good people with good advice in the autistic community who don’t care if you’re professionally diagnosed or not.

[patchdotexe]

explorers of arvus: heading back / 3.11.21

zoom and enhonse

LAST TIME ON ARVUS taure passed out and we are now down a healer! also we met a disciple of halvkar, and surprisingly did not murder her. this is fine. we have instantly gotten distracted by our various carts. cats. our various cats

DID ANY OF US CATCH TAURE, SHE FELL OVER sieron tried to catch her and smacked charlie+thorne in the face (he rolled a nat1, f) BUT the catboy is to the rescue bc silje is the designated Not Incompetent of the group today

CONSULT THE CHILD hewwo yrel yrel: her mind is being consumed by the serpent of nightmares. :D charlie: HELLO?????//

so, dendar(?) the night serpent is imprisoned beneath arvus! she was formed from the nightmares of the first sentient being, and sometimes she eats people's nightmares. if she's exceptionally hungry, she'll force nightmares onto people for her to feed off their fear. yrel thinks taure will Probably wake up. there's a thing on arvus mentioned by the locals called a "sleeping sickness" where people will fall asleep for a few days, sometimes longer, but will wake up. its magical in cause, the people afflicted by it have horrific nightmares, and its just kinda. a thing. wowza

(i have gone back to spelling yrel's name as yrel bc i think it looks nice)

OH HEY SOMEONE POSTED A THEORY ON ONE OF MY STICKMOLUS ANIMATIONS man i should get back to stickmolus sometime. once dsmp releases its awful grip on me.

i keep getting distracted by seeing myself in the camera preview. i have a tooth gap! what the fuck its cute?? K I KNOW WE'RE SUPER BLURRY IN FRONT RN BUT PLEASE HELP ME STAY FOCUSED I SWEAR -leo

we're gonna build a sled! to put taure on. thorne: i have a good strength score. ....i say, out loud charlie: i am four feet tall. [cue argument between thorne & sieron about them both being horcs but sieron has a +0 bc strength is his dump stat] OH, OKAY, THORNE ROLLED A NAT20 TO CARRY TAURE. NICE

[discussion about what to tell everyone at camp vengenace] thorne: the last thing we need to do is a witch hunt charlie: --and we already hunted the witch! the witch has been hunted.

time to discuss strategy! we need to figure out how to head back to camp vengeance, eg if we want to follow the path we already took or if we wanna do some trailblazing. looks like we're gonna try and take the most direct path! which means we'll prolly risk tangoing with some undead but im willing to risk it TINY HUT STAIRCASE sorry i just remember it now and then

nyx: [meowing at his cats] thorne: uh... why is silje meowing? jorb: silje's food bowl is empty jorb: you look at silje's food bowl and there's a divot in the middle and the food is all on the sides emotionally, we must bully the catboy silje saw something interesting and started meowing

thorne: ill take first watch silje: ill also take first watch. charlie: [quietly] gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyy (but, like, extended for 15 seconds)

silje: [takes watch] [rolls a nat1 and gets distracted by looking at his crush]

THORNE HAS LOCATED A DOG the dog does not give a shit about the tiny hut. THE DOG HAS PEED ON THE TINY HUT goodbye dog

EVERYONE IS ROLLING AT LEAST 1 NAT1 thorne: wow! that sure is a dog. thorne has drawn the worst possible dog. thorne has erased the worst possible dog. we dont speak of the worst possible dog its the dog version of honse. DONSE

sieron is now on watch! MAN we are havin trouble rolling today. at least kali's here to make sure sieron doesnt stare at a rock for 50000 years sieron sees a mouse! bottom text

charlie is now on watch! kali is havin a big ol thonk. nothing meaningful has come of this

i am perceiving some deer. sieron is not perceiving some deer. silje is perceiving some deer, but better the deer are fucked up and undead! silje has gone from "we should hunt these deer for food" to "we should hunt these deer for sport"

charlie: i do not feel like being jumped by five thousand skeletons

charlie takes first watch with sieron! WHY ARE OUR ROLLS SO TERRIBLE taure is super cursed right now. that's not very pog charlie: this place sucks. thorne: to be fair, we havent-- charlie: YOU'RE ASLEEP, SHUT UP

oh hey coolname galvanic finally partied. nice.

thorne is at watch! solar: hey, is leomund's tiny hut an orb? there's a critter digging around! AH, THE CRITTER IS UNDEAD. this could be a problem

solar: hey michael, how much does the horrific sin against god dog i drew look like this creature michael: [dice roll noises] about 50%.

michael: if anyone likes, they can make a nature check-- solar: ME MEMEMEMEME ME ME ME

its a bulette! aka a land shark. problem: they are not normally undead. this one is undead.

jorb: imagine if you could tame one of those and use it as a mount. leo: IT WOULD JUST DIG UNDERGROUND AND LEAVE YOU THERE

we are just calling it a weird dog

we're going to mail a letter to the heart of arvus. HEY, CHECK OUT THIS WEIRD DOG,

JORB FOUND ART OF A BABY BULETTE. WEIRD PUPPY!

solar: hey guys, check out this sick art of a bulette i found

silje kept a lookout for the weird dog but its just fucked off. goodbye, weird dog give it up for day 3!

man there's been like, three incinerations today in blaseball. what's up with that. I SWEAR IM MOSTLY PAYING ATTENTION its just been an eventful day in blaseball. also im wearing my garages bomber rn. jaylen is home wooOOOO the wind smells stinky. this is fine.

we're actively avoiding whatever combat michael keeps nudging at us bc we're carrying around an unconscious person and i SWEAR hes gonna throw something directly at us once he's done with our shenanigans

UHH MICHAEL ASKING FOR PASSIVE PERCEPTION LOL

huh. this place used to be inhabited? we're in the woods rn but there's some like, stone ruins? like, VERY ruins. like, not really any structures standing, but enough evidence to show there Were things. WE FOUND A STATUE charlie: i want to smash my face against the lore.

used to be a circle of standing stones, but most of em fell over or got overgrown. inside of the circle has been cleared, although v roughly-- ground's torn up statue is of fjolnir! warrior holding up a spear and shield. AH, THERE ARE CORPSES, a human got REAL fucked up here. one of the corpses is straight up impaled on fjolnir's spear. n ... not pog.

i am trying so, so hard to pay attention. but i also kinda wanna take a nap.

charlie: [stares at statue] [rolls a 4] i wonder if he had a dick.

okay so something rolled in, tore up the overgrowth inside the circle, and murdered a couple dudes. and was also super tall and human-adjacent. hrm.

oh my god why are we rolling so shit today. time to stealth away and hope we dont get casually dismembered

k: jorb's hair is so long... leo: K, PLEASE,

time for a break! i am very tired but im gonan see if i can push through a little further. nyx is petting his cat why do orangatangs look like that

first watch is thorne and sieron! have they even, like, talked thorne unhabby ): thorne's worried we were tresspassing when checking out the statue, meanwhile im thinking about that one time when sieron got bit by a groundhog

(oh my god this is from late 2018)

leomund's tiny hut, aka the anti-sea bear circle we are getting SO much mileage out of the tiny hut. SILJE HUMS A SONG WITH KALI cute........... FINALLY I HAVE ROLLED ABOVE A 14 wait no i rolled a 16 twice. anyway we are not dead

nearly at camp vengenace! boy howdy i hope camp vengeance didnt get burned down. AH FUCK TAURE IS UNCONSCIOUS SO WE CANT CAST FOR DETECT POISON kaepora nearly made us all shit ourselves but its okay he just saw some bison and thought it was cool Michael Is Consulting Several Tables

WHY DOES JORB'S CAMERA ZOOM LIKE THAT why am i hungry. i have so many questions

HEY, TALL GUY [smacks sieron]

camp vengeance looks better! like, nobody's Obviously Sick anymore, the medical tents arent overfilled, we did it! we saved the dayyyyyy time to report to ryder! taure's getting dropped off at the medical tent

man remember when charlie didnt wear pants

oh man, with taure unconscious charlie is now taking point with social interaction. wild. jk im making jorb do it bc im tired HAHA NAT 20 PERSUASION BC OF ME HELPIN SIERON man ryder is such a cock. he was totally ready to keep throwing troops at heaven's brazier to die until we managed to persuade him out of it. jorb: did we tell ryder about the vision? michael: you kinda just took a look at him and went STINKY BOY!

okay yeah anything that dies on arvus will just pop back up as undead. man, arvus sucks.

ryder: alright, dismissed. charlie: seeya, soldier boy! :D hahahahaha im gonna eat his knees.

SILJE NEEDS ENRICHMENT IN HIS ENCLOSURE

charlie: ive decided he sucks. silje: we've already arrived to that, you're late!

LMAO WE WALKED IN ON INGRID AND HER CRUSH they fuckin. nice. you go, you funky lesbian

jorb: we've got the tiny hut, we could go anywhere leo: we could go to SPACE! nyx: we could not go to space. leo: WITH A TINY HUT STAIRCASE, WE CAN,

we are 320 miles away from the spaceship that exists on arvus. nice.

michael: justin sees you-- roll a strength saving throw. leo: i cant wait to die! [rolls a 3] I AM CRUSHED BY MY DOG michael: he rolled a nat20.

BOSS ENCOUNTER: CHARLIE'S DOG (the small circle next to him is one of the medical tents.)

THORNE IS PACT OF THE GUN solar: PARRY THIS, YOU FUCKING CASUAL

sieron, to ingrid: seems like youve been doing well charlie: i punch sieron. sieron: sieron: the camp, of course.

man we have no idea if the heart of arvus is actually related to the prophecy or not. theres a Lot of stuff lining up, but not enough, and its hard to say how much of it couldve been literal?

solar & michael: [discussing exposition] me: [cracking up bc penn sent me a funny dsmp joke]

prophecies are weird.

charlie is just s she is just sitting here SILJE PLAYED CARDS REALLY GOOD AT ME nyx rolled a nat20 and took all my money

oh cool we can talk to yrel telepathically! time to hoist yrel. THIS IS SO SCUFFED thorne mentioned yrel and now we're trying to explain to ingrid that we have a magic talking snake charlie: I WANT TO GO HOME. thorne: we cant go, we have a GOD-KING to kill! "i think theyre insane, theyre talking to a snake" "ingrid, druids exist" "oh. im gonna go back to getting railed by my 7 foot tall girlfriend"

[cloudywithachanceofwatering]

Plance au where it hurt

I warned you . I really warned you .

Also , the ending is rushed . Sorry , my patience is low . I truly am a failure .

Edit : maybe it wont hurt so bad

Plaance god tier au where pidge and lance hooked up in the club and pidge got preggers . Unfortunately , the child died under mysterious circumstances during the third trimester . Lance had been with her the whole time , so he tried his best to comfort her even when she pushed him away .

The next year , lance left to pursue his career in the garrison in hopes to forget his pain . Pidge had left to recooperate , unsucessfully . She ended up avoiding meds and fell into anxiety and depression . They avoided each others interactions because they felt like they were the reason the child died .

The following year , lance and pidge had met in the same club again . This time , they were drunk enough to hook up again for real sad sex . A lot of tears and love , but in the end it was a one night stand . The next morning , lance left the motel without telling her . He didnt want to hurt her any more than he already did .

After realizing she was pregnant after a month , pidge hit the road with little to nothing . All she had was ten thousand dollars from stashing money for her baby , most of which her parents and brother had given. Pidge decided to get a cheap van from the scrapyard , got a liscence for the car , ditched everything she had inside and with her little driving skills , went off to somewhere she didnt know . All she really had was a driving liscence to prove her identity . She hid it away .

In the end , she only had a five thousand left . Yes , this was a time where everything wasnt real . This is a fic . Do not take things too seriously .

She literally disappeared overnight - nobody really knew where she went . All they had was a bought cheap van to go off on . How far couldve she went , people asked . Shes just a child , everyone said , unable to find her within a twenty mile radius the next day .

Pidge had driven for days , trying to get to the rural countryside as fast as possible . She found a little village after being lost for hours on end on a obscure forest path - and decided she was going to stay .

The villagers immediately noticed her van . Soon , a crowd formed and when she stepped out of the van , they crowded around her like scavengers looking for prey . They spoke in french , oddly enough - a mix of it . Italian , french , spanish was what she heard all at once .

A red hair girl put up her fist , silencing the villagers . " Hello , " she spoke in french . " Can i have a house ? " " No , " the red haired girl said . " The only house left are in the fields . It is dilapitated . " " Then can i have it ? " The villagers thought about it , buzzing even louder for a while . " Yes . We can help you fix it , " pidge heard from a few people at the front . It seemed to be agreed .

The villagers buzzed around for a bit , discussing their next move . Eventually , they asked a old lady to take her in while they went to look for items to fix up the house with . The red haired girl , with a thick french accent , told her in english : " We will help you . Come with her , she will feed you . "

And oddly enough , it felt like home . Their hospitality - it mustve come from a lack of visitors and her odd way of entering , their curiousity - but pidge was too tired and hungry to be cautious . It was the best human interaction she had for days . The red haired girl proceeded to bring out her items for two guys to take int othe home of the old woman .

The old woman , she was called " old rosa , " had no name . So she took in the name old rosa . She could speak english fluently , although she tripped over her words a bit . " My dear , come and eat , the villagers will help bring in your items . I suppose theyll make your van a bit more hospitable for you . " " Where are you from ? You speak english quite well , " pidge had asked . " Britain , my dear . Although i dont know where . But i do have a postcard with a picture - me and my parents . Everyone says it is a place in Britain , the english folks did . It was a baby me . But now , i cannot remember for the life of me where i am from , my name , my everything . The villagers , they took me in . Incredibly kind of them , " old rosa told pidge fondly .

" Why have you come ? " she had asked pidge . " Because i am pregnant , and to run away , because my relatives will speak to me unkindly if they knew , and i did not want to disappoint my parents and everyone around me again , " pidge sighed . She crossed her arms , unsure if she made a good decision or not telling her . Old rosa simply smiled , wrinkles becoming even more prominent . " I have a child myself - she has a baby boy . She can help you , if you want . The doctor is her husband . They can help you , but they might get a bit too excited about a new baby , " old rosa laughed . Pidge giggled , despairingly remembering what lance said about her giggles and laughs . How cute and bell-tinkly they were .

Oh , how she wished he was here to help her , but only the crevices of her mind said . She had long pushed him away , for the sake of her sanity . Her eyes welled up a bit nonetheless , and she gently thumbed over her stomach . That day , she had woke up alone and cold - perhaos it was for the best . At least you didnt pay for the motel room , a tiny thought sparked . It didnt help much , but a shimmer of hope tugged at her heart . Maybe she could pull through , with or without lance .

Old rosa present a bowl of rice and two poached eggs inside . " I really couldnt do much - i just wanted to make something quick for you my dear . Besides , the resources man hasnt arrived yet . On sunday he will , and on sunday we can go visit him for food . Yes , we are self-sufficient , but the doctor needs items . The resources man is very kind . He gives us what we need for free . I think the government set aside money for us - very kind of them . "

Pidge quickly came to realize her chatter as she ate . She smiled , breaking the poached egg and deciding to mix it with her rice . Old rosa just kept smiling , talking on and on about everything . It felt so nice - like her brother and mother fussing over every little thing that happened to pidge every day .

Another flicker of sadness - how lonely she was . If only she had her family , her lance - no , not her lance . He was just a little crush . That is all . But homesickness struck - how far away was she from her family ? It was selfish of her to leave .

The red haired girl came back in . She spoke in their mixed language - " The van , we tried to make it more homely , rearranged items but kept in sight . You do not have much , so we gave you some blankets and a mattress and pillows and clothes . "

Yes , this wasnt home , but pidge could deal with it .

As the year went by , pidge quickly upholstered her van-home into a much homier place . She made a few good friends . Connor , the fabrics person , he was incredibly kind and sweet , came over often to check on her and drown her in soft wools and cashmeres of all colours . He felt oddly motherlike , perhaps because of his feminine preferances . Old rosa became increasingly motherlike too , taking more and more care of her . The red haired girl , osara , she made sure pidge had priority to make sire the baby would be safe , along with her .

Old rosas daughter , maybellina [ yes , maybelline the makeup brand however you spelled it played a part in this ] , was very kind and loving , like her mother . Her husband , tom , made sure she had checkups every now and then , sometimes popping over randomly to check on her .

Sometimes she would visit connor - he had a huge old castle as a house , his family hadi t for generations . Although he was lonely as the only one , it was fine by him . They were walking up a whole lot of stairs to his sewing and looming room thing , when he had abruptly asked : " Pidge , i was wondering , do you know someone called katie holt ? You come from somewhere else , right ? I have told you before , i study at the garrison . Someone called katie holt , she had disappeared . I heard her parents , her brother and his boyfriend , they have been searching endlessly . They do not know where to find her anymore , " connor said . Oops , yikers ! Haha , no good . Thats all pidges mind provided before shutting off .

So she just stared at him blankly , before connor being the huge softie he is , started blushing and buried his face into her hair , murmuring something along the lines of " im too soft for this . "

And that , my friends , is how the start of something more than a friendship begin . Perhaps pidges mind shutting off helped .

_______________________________________

Lance had firstly , freaked out after pidge went missing and secondly , spent his weekends trying to find clues of her anywhere . So when connor , the nice guy [ actually nice ] asked him what he was doing in the middle of class , he decided to just spill the beans for the sake of his sanity and his already sad heart . " She used to go by the name of pidge . Pidge gunderson . Shes the fu-ing cutest girl youll ever see , " lance had ended . Yes , he self censored himself . Connor was still pure .

Oddly enough , connors eyes seem to be interest at the name of pidge . And even more weirder , he asked lance to be his teammate for this science project on fabric tendancies . The garrison is weird , dont question it . So connor invited him to his home , which worked out well cause all weekend lance just went pidge mode . And he decided to pry more cause he seemed to know a bit .

So that weekend , he saw a girl with long hair that vaguely looked like katie holt . " This is a pidge i know , " connor said . And oh fuck , it clicked in his head - connor's brain shut off after realizing what he did .

Pidge had changed - her hair became longer , more fluffy . Lighter coloured too , from spending time outside . And the most prominent change - she had a baby . With curly blonde hair . And blue eyes .

In lances mind , he couldnt fathom why he had ever decided to leave the motel room anymore . And neither did pidge .

_________________________________________

In the end , everything ended with a flurry of kisses and love , before night struck , and the next morning lance had left again . He had to go to school , which was logical of him . So she didnt put it against him , just helped him get ready and said bye at the door , albeit sadly .

_________________________________________

The years went by . Her little dilapitated house was finally put together . What little she had , pidge tried to make the best of it . She slept with her two children to keep them warm .

Yep , child uno numbero two . I dont know spanish , sorry . I am trying my best on duolingo , though .

Connor still checked up on her , lance still asked about her . He was like the middleman . Poor guy had a affinity for both of them .

One day , lance showed up randomly with a nice suit and a sexy , sleek black car . " Pidge , your parents . They are trying to pry anything about you from me and connors cold , dead hands . Just go back to them , please . Im sorry i didnt have the heart to come visit . "

For whatever reason , it sounded so halfhearted for both of them . Maybe because lance didnt want to make her leave her home and talk to her about it . And they both knew it .

Pidge , she felt hostile .

So she made sure her children never spoke to him if he came .

The next time , he tried to coax her to leave with him to go home . Not happening .

The third time , lance got hella pissed , and started packing up their things . " Lance , why are you doing this ? I dont want to go back . "

And lance softened . " Because i want to take care of you . I finally found you , finally get to see my children , and i finally have money to take care of my family . "

Pidge dragged him out . " Ill consider it . "

_______________________________________

The next time he visited , pidge was ready to leave . " Ive said my goodbyes , said ill come visit . Dont let me down . "

The first thing they did was pack up her items . Put it in her old refurbished van , and while pidge drove his car , and lance drove her old van .

They went to the village , said one last goodbye , and with heavy hearts left . But something inside of pidge lightened . She was finally going home .

__________________________________________

Osara , old rosa , maybellina , tom , connor , they all came to visit pidge and lance when they got married . Their children - samantha for the older curly blonde and girasol for the younger straight black haired - were the little bridesmaids . How cute .

When matt and shiro got married , everyone came back again to celebrate .

Years went by . The village finally got internet , so lance and pidge got the occasional call , and called here and there . Connor and pidge and lance were still as close and cutesy as ever . They visited the village , watched it grow and expand . Helped pidges old friends out . They dragged connor out of a abusive marriage that firstly , left him with seven children , and secondly , a lot of freedom .

And life was nice . Even though pidges family were heavy pissed , they got over it within minutes and only had love left . Even when times got rough with connor when his family was slowly falling apart because of his wife , he managed to kick her out . Very nice .

And a lot nice things happened that lead them to a nice little marriage again , with a epic threesome . Yay for me wanting fluff ! Yay for connor , poor guy !

Fin

__________________________________________

I warned you , the ending was rushed .

Heres the original draft [ read for loss of braincells ] :

DURING HIGH SCHOOL LANCE AND PIDGE DID THE DEED , PIDGE GOT PREGGERS , LANCE SAID BYE AND SO PIDGE ENDED UP MOVING TO A RURAL AREA CAUSE SHE WAS SCARED HER FAM WOULD FYCKING HATE HER DUMBASS SO SHE PACKS UP AND GETS MONEY FROM WHEREVER SHE KNOWS OF AND THEN SHE JUST TAKES A BUS RIDE FAR FAR AWAY SOMEWHERE SO SHE COULD SAVE MONRY AND BE SELF SUFFICIENT IN A RURAL SHITHOLE AND ALL SO SHE LIVES IN A SHITTY DILAPITATED COTTAGE WITH HER KID WITH VIRTUALLY NOTHING LILE LITERALLY NOTHING ALL THE CLOTHES SHE HAS ITS FROM DUMPSTERS IN THE CITY AND THERES ONE FUCKING MATTRESS IN THE ONE ROOM AND LIKE A TABLE WITH TWO CHAIRS THATS IT BUT PIDGE SOMEHOW MANAGES TO WEASEL MONEY INTO HER FAMILY AND ALL AND ONE DAY LANCEP ULLS UP YEARS AFTER IN A FANCY FUCKING CAR AND SAYS HEY SORRY SHES LIKE NO FUCK YOU BUT LANCE COMES BACK THE SECOND TIME AND PIDGES LIKE KID DONT COME OUT IF THUS CUNT COMES BUT EVENT7ALLY THE THIRD TIME HE WRANGLES HER INTO HIS CAR BY LITERALLY TAKING THEIR SHIT AND SAYING YOURE MOVING AND HE ASKS HER KID TO FOLLOW HIM AND THE DUMBASS KIDS LIKE UH MOM LOL OK SO THEN PIDGES LIEK WHAT THE FUCK AND HE FORCES THEM TO HIS HOUSE SO THEY CAN LIVE A BETTER LIFE AND HIS KID WONT BE FUCKING UNEDUCATED AND UNVAXXED AND EVERYTHING AND HE CAN ACTUALLY MAKE IT UP TO PIDGE AND THAT PIDGE CAN GO HOME TO HER FAMILY SO PIDGES LIKE WHY AND HOW THE FUCK DID YOU FIND ME AND LANCE JUST SAYS HE SPENT FUCKING YEARS GOING FULL ON SHERLOCK HOLMES TO FIND HER DEADASS SO BECAUSE HER KID LIKES LANCE SHES LIKE FUCK OK SO EVENTUALLY THEY KISS KISS FALL IN LOVE BAM END YAAAAS

HWEN I SAID GOD AU I MEANT IT THIS HAS BEEN IN MY HEAD FOR MO N T H A

ANYWAY ELABORATING ON KISS KISS FALL IN LOVE HE GETS THEM A EPIC NICE HOUSE AND NEW CLOTHES AND SHIT AND CHECKS ON PIDGE AND HER KID EVERY FIVE SECONDS TO MAKE SURE THEYRE OKAT AND HE PLAYS WITH PIDGES KID EVEN WHEN HE HAS LITERALLY NO TIME LIKE HES WEARING FANCY CLOTHES AND HAS A CONFERNECE AT 3PM BUT ITS 255 AND HES STILL PLAYING WITH HER KID NADP IDGE HAS TO FORCE HIS DUMBASD TO LEAVE AND DO THE MONRY MONEY SO PIDGES LIKE HEY KID DO YOU LIKE PLAYING WITH HIM HAHA HES YOUR FUCKING DAD AND SHES LIKE WOOOAAAHHHH CAUSE SHES A DUMBASS KID SO DUMB KID LOVES LANCE RVEN MORE AND PIDGES LIKE I TILD HER YOURE HER DAD OKAY ILL GO COOK POTATOES NOW AND LANCE IS HAPPY HAPPY SO AFTER THE HAPPY HAPPY LANCE GOES INTO THE GUEST ROOM TO TALK TO PISGE CAUSE THATS HER HOME NOW AND THEY JUST DECIDE TO PUT AWAY THEIR UNDERLYING ISSIES FOR THEIR KID AND BECAUSE SEX MAKES EVERYTHING BETTER THEY HAVE SEX AND WOW LOOK PIDGES PREGNANT AGAIN FOR FUCKS SAKE SO LANCE TAKES CARE OF PIDGE LEGIT NOW AND GETS PIDGE A FUTURE JOB AFTER SHES DONE WITH CHILD OUT AND ALL SO ITS ANOTHER DUMB KID WHOOPIE WOWOWOWOWWO WHO FUCKING KNEW SO NOW HER FIRST KIDS LIKE TWO YEARS OLD BECAUSE THE ORIGINAL KID THAT SHE AND LANCE FUCKED WAS DEAD YEAH IT DIED BUT SHE WENT TO A CLUB AND FUCKED DRUNK LANCE AGAIN AND LEFT OR SOMETHING GOD ONOWS WHAT HAPPENED CAUSE LANCE SURE AS HELL DOESNT SO NOW PIDGE IS LIKE OH MAYBE HE ISNT A SHITBAG AND LANCES LIKE HEY HOT MARRY ME AND SHES LIKE LOL OK SO THEY KISSED KISSED FALLED IN LOVED

[uniformbravo]

god free! is such a dumb goofy series i love it like shit gets real sometimes but when it comes down to it it’s just a bunch of dumb goofy teens living their lives together?? i have compiled a list of my favorite examples from s1

makoto: *enters haru’s house uninvited, walks right into the bathroom while haru’s in the bath, presumably naked* hey haru: ....................................hey LIKe he just.... Accepts that this is happening, theres like a solid like 2 seconds of him just staring at makoto like he’s debating within himself whether to Say It or not before almost tangibly going “fuck it” & just going along w/ it*

haru & makoto & nagisa going “is it really okay to dig up our old trophy if rin isn’t here? idk it just feels wrong w/o him” only to find out that rin not only beat them there but also fucking just went ahead and dug it up by himself hfjdkjgd

haru having some kind of sixth sense for sugar apparently??? when nagisa throws “salt” on them he like tenses up all dramatic & goes “this isnt salt........................ it’s sugar” like ok????? just gonna let that one go i guess

rin having sharp teeth for absolutely no fucking reason

haru & rin not noticing the fucking pool they're about to race in is empty????

haru straight up rejecting their encounter with rin & trying to convince himself they all hallucinated him like huh? what? rin?? haha impossible he’s in australia there’s no way he couldve been at the swim club last night. no theres no such thing as airplanes he’s gone forever. yes im sure

rin going back to the old swim club again bc the first time his melodramatic brooding was interrupted by those old elementary school Goons showing up so he needed a do-over

nagisa skinny dipping in samezuka’s pool??? an apparently prestigious competitive swimming powerhouse that trains up future professional gold medalists, reigning champions of interhigh swim meets near and far in that same water & nagisa just jumps the fuck in dick out no fucks to give whatsoever???? this bitch

haru literally only showing up to both the old swim club and samezuka academy for the pools, it’s literally the equivalent of college students showing up to any given event for free food (and the fact that they had to break in both times, these Rowdy-Ass Teens)

rin showing up just in time to interrupt their illicit pool activities bc he Sensed Them

haru wearing his swimsuit under his clothes literally everywhere despite reportedly not having actually swum since middle school (except for in the ocean during summer, but it’s like the middle of spring rn?? is he just doing this in way advanced preparation? is this the equivalent of people who start posting abt halloween in july)

gou showing up to haru’s house bc apparently she just Knows where he lives (also haru hearing the doorbell & immediately submerging his head in the bath bc he’d rather drown than have to answer the door #relatable)

rei calling haru “haru-chan-san” upon first meeting him bc “haru-chan” is what nagisa has been referring to him as so that’s his sole point of reference but he also has to add his own honorific too bc come on

haru being instantly pissed at this random new fuck for calling him not only -chan, his Least favorite honorific, but now -san on top of it too??? Outrageous (and this is the same guy who reportedly “hates water,” a completely unacceptable sentiment that should under no circumstances be allowed anywhere near their team in the first place- honestly from haru’s pov it’s like “oh so this is the guy who hates water huh, this hot shit” & then the hot shit’s all “you must be haru-chan-san” he probably just immediately sees red ghdjsjf)

nagisa’s whole “we need this guy bc he has a girly name just like us it’s fate” thing even tho rei’s already in the track club doing pole vaulting that he’s obviously been training v hard to be able to do is such a stupid anime bullshit motivation & my favorite part of it is that their plan for recruiting him basically amounts to the whole gang of idiots showing up to all of rei’s practices and staring at him intensely from the corner until he joins them, like,,,, think of this from rei’s perspective he’s just minding his own business trying to perfect pole vaulting & these fuckers have fixated on him for no apparent reason? he can’t even swim???

rei going so far out of his way to avoid admitting to nagisa that he can’t swim that he comes up with this bullshit philosophy about “humans evolved from the water so why would we regress and get back into it??? Checkmate y’all are fucking idiots now leave me alone” (& also the effort & passion he puts into the delivery, the overdramatic gesturing hfhhddjf rei are u sure u don’t actually belong in the drama club)

after all that, rei up and deciding to leave the track team (even tho he literally structured his daily schedule around it, went running in the mornings & everything, read books n shit) to join the swim club bc haru just looked really, really cool while swimming that one time

haru legitimately having a hard time choosing between like 5 of the exact same swim suit

when they’re trying to figure out why rei can’t swim & haru’s like “the water doesn’t like him” & nagisa’s immediately like “poor rei-chan :(” like hfkglfkj he just Accepts

rei being so frustrated with his inability to swim that he blames it on his speedo & is very convinced that buying a new one will somehow solve all of his problems (& everyone else just going along w/ it like ok i guess it’s time to go swimsuit shopping then)

haru, the owner of the previously mentioned 5 identical swimsuits, joining in with everyone else to go shopping for even more swimsuits, and picking out another one that looks just fucking like the other 5 he already has

nagisa being told that he can’t put their ugly-ass bird mascot on the swim team uniform so he puts “secret iwatobi-chan” on the back of the shirt that will be hidden beneath the jacket as if that’s not Blatantly what he was told not to do (also the fact that anyone entrusted the handling of the uniforms to nagisa, the exact kind of person who would do exactly that kind of thing)

(ok this one isnt rly goofy but haru just bit his ice cream & im so intimidated rn??)

rin’s fucking 6th sense for haru again???? “smells like mackerel”????? i truly cannot handle this one (haru & company are looking in at samezuka’s practice through the window & rin’s just like “HUH what the fuck is that who’s there i smell Mackerel” like????? oh my fucking god)

amakata “we don’t have enough money for a training camp” miho renting herself and gou a room at a lodge on the beach?????? power move

this goddamn show having a fun ~spooky~ haunted house adventure right after everyone almost fucking Died

haru’s story about his “first love” being about a fucking waterfall igmgkdjkg

rin jogging on the beach the next morning & stopping by the tents like “who r these fuckin dumbasses camping right on the shoreline” & then he turns around and there’s haru & his band of swimming idiots

rin waiting in the hallway at the interhigh in case haru comes by so he can casually get up & have a Cool And Dramatic confrontation w/ him where he brags how he’s gonna beat him in their upcoming race (which, even better, he purposely entered himself at a lower skill level to be able to do while probably his whole team went “uhhhh are u sure abt this lmao we’re kind of trying to be the best here” & hes just like “yeah yeah its fine it’s gonna be so fucking cool just wait”)

haru apparently also having a Rin Sense where he just Feels that rin is there, watching him about to swim (although now that i think about it that bright red hair is probably a fuckin beacon, i bet literally everyone looked over at him the second he stepped out of that doorway- that and the massive aura of Teen Angst surrounding him at all times)

the whole thing with nagisa & rei’s operation at the summer festival to keep haru from seeing rin? first of all is v cute but they get so into it fjdhgkdj fucking dumb cute kids playing secret detective mission texting each other Classified Intel about the location of their targets while also trying to hide it from haru & makoto (who eventually find out bc nagisa is literally the worst liar ever while also already being the most suspect little shit out of all of them by nature)

rei getting so caught up in the detective shit that he ends up following rin out of the festival entirely & into town where the purpose of his pursuit in the first place is irrelevant bc haru’s not gonna suddenly happen upon rin at the elementary school?? rei is such a nosy bitch i love him

rei being such a nosy bitch that he inadvertently fixes the emotional turmoil that has been building between rin & the others unresolved for years

rin texting gou to get rei’s number bc he needs to have a Serious and Dramatic conversation w/ him but he didnt have the chance to exchange contact info the last time they yelled at each other behind the school

rin sitting alone in samezuka’s bus bc they banned him from swimming for being too obsessed w/ haru & he needs somewhere to Sulk

rin finding some random tree outside the swim meet & being like “this reminds me of that tree from elementary school” bc hes a nostalgic bitch like that

haru being able to find rin bc he saw the same tree earlier and went “wait, rin’s a nostalgic bitch, i know Exactly where the fuck he went” & Sure Enough

iwatobi getting themselves disqualified bc they wanted to swim w/ rin in an official race like??? i know it’s an emotional & satisfying moment but miho chewing them out for it afterward is so fucking funny like objectively this team was doing rly well & then suddenly went “u know what, we do what we want, this red guy is ours now” & the judges went “hmm............... no”

in the v last episode when theyre all just sitting in a classroom w/ rin having him pretend to introduce himself as if he were a transfer student like theres absolutely no reason for this, theyre just goofing off together and reconnecting after having lost each other for so many years & it’s so dumb & heartwarming & the perfect way to close off the season & im crying i really do love this show i love these characters so much what a dumb cute goofy heartfelt show aaaaaa free is a treasure

*from the very 1st point: i know there r cultural differences to take into account where it’s probably not as big a deal for makoto to walk in on haru’s bath time in japan as it would be in like, america & the real issue haru takes w/ this happening is that his one little place of refuge in a world w/o water is being breached by this annoyingly persistent guy who not only interrupts his coping time but is actively trying to get him to leave it for “important” things like “going to school” and “not being late” & the extended pause is really him registering this unpleasant situation & trying to decide if it’s worth it to fight for his solitude, ultimately deciding it’s not worth the energy and begrudgingly accepting makoto’s outstretched hand, though he vocalizes his displeasure by rejecting his -chan bc no one who pulls him away from the water is someone he can call a friend, not even his like. actual friend. only friend. either one

anyway i love free bye

[theoneandonlysaucymo]

Alone but not Lonely

Ehh....been in a funk so heres a thing? not beta’d

Dean Winchester x Reader 

warnings: bullying.....angst, feels? little moody writing this

My anything Tags @feelmyroarrrr  @angryschnauzer @hymnofthevalkyrie @caplanbuckybarnes  @deanxfuckingadorablexwinchester @girl-next-door-writes @the-witching-hours12-3 @neverletlovediesunshine @audasia25

Some days it was all just too much, the traveling, moving from place to place, fighting Chuck knows what on the daily that it just broke you. Wasnt like the offers were lining up to be with someone like that either, you would bend and sway some but you were you and no one was changing that you needed to do this job. So it was just easier to not try, look from afar maybe fantasize look at a guy and think what it would be like. You didnt do one nighters...no you had to connect with the person more than just physically which meant having to be around them longer than a night and your job...didnt really allow that. You did have a very small support group, tight close, but most of them were guys and the women who were there......had been with someone so long they...they just didnt get some of your comments sometimes. You werent exactly the 'typical hunter', if that was even a thing. You had thunder thighs that could probably make thor proud, but for you meant every 3 months you had to go out and by new jeans cause of the holes the rubbed between the legs. Probably could do with more ab workouts and less fast food but wasnt exactly like you had a kitchen to cook in anymore. Only plus side was you enjoyed your boobs....most days....when they werent making your lower back yell in agony at you.

This case however you needed a little more backup, you were missing a piece and you could not figure it out, and you didnt go in without knowing everything since you only worked alone. Garth was your first call, he was nice enough little odd but always willing to help you out. This time he was also neck need in a case but he wasnt going to leave you hanging and said he would call around to see if anyone was free. Sure enough he called back about twenty minutes later, turns out Sam and Dean Winchester were in a near by area and could be there the next day. Cool you could use the help at they were not bad to look at. You had known them on and off most of the time you were hunting...which had been quite a few years now. Worked with them a handful of times but mostly ran across eachother at a few Garth hunter meet ups.

Even covered in you did not even want to think about it as you all laughed at the sorry state everyone was in. Only one that looked decently acceptable was Sam who had pulled the trigger...someone his hair had avoided everything and you and Dean could not help but give him shit for it. Sam took it in good sport laughing and dramatically flipping it. Good hunt and no one hurt, and after a nice hot shower to get the ick off Dean was texting that the three of you needed to go out and celebrate. Why not who knew when the last time you would see them would be.

Bar was steady thankfully not crowded as Dean bee lined it for claims on a pool table. You got drinks with Sam before joining them. Conversation was playful, the three of you just relaxing around each other so naturally, joking about this or that, you were actually having a good time. Were was the key word. As cute as the Winchesters were you knew others had also been watching as time went on, much prettier women. You tried to not think much of them, they were respectful enough to keep their distance till you excused yourself to the bathroom. Girls could be just plain mean, you knew that better than anyone really and as you were in the bathroom you hard a gaggle of them come in, drunk of course, the usual 'your trashed gurl,' and so on before the conversation turned to the two cute guys at the pool table. You were used to that...hell some of the things they were saying you could not deny and they hadnt even seen them shirtless.

"But did you see that girl with them?" One laughed suddenly

"You mean that fat girl?" Oh great cool here it comes.

"April stop that s'not nice."

"Want me to call her cow then? Just friends with her anyways not sure why you are stopping me from talking to that tall one."

"Tall tall one or?"

"No the tall short haired one. She's gone now so why not im feeling lucky." Right now you couldnt keep quiet much longer as you came out of your stall and the one friend trying to babysit was mortified. The other friend could have cared less but she was trying to control her filter as she just looked at you with a smug grin. You could care less as you rolled your eyes and washed your hands. They made some comments behind your back you couldnt hear but you didnt need to...they were probably mean anyways.

"For the record you can try bit your attitude is lousy so I highly doubt either of them will glance your way," You said to the one who was mostly being the cunt and left leaving it at that. You headed back heading to the bar first to get another drink and sure enough the poor drunk one tried. She tried hard too both guys even and the state of her drunkeness along with her pointing at you and storming off angry...yea clearly she suceeded. You couldnt help but laugh as you turned back to pay the bar tender for the drinks.

"You have a pretty smile," You heard a guy next to you say as you were a little shocked and stunned all at once.

"Ummm thank you?" You questioned more than anything now smelling the alcohol off of him as he moved a little too close for comefort.

"Say hows abouts we find some'ere else to go," He grinned and you polietly moved away.

"Thanks but how about that girl over there?" You motioned to the one who was trying to hit on Dean and Sam earlier. He looked over and rolled his eyes.

"Already tried her to hard you.....probably not," He grinned as his filter gone as he grinned back at you lazily. Cool so now you were easy, You didnt even bother with a response as you grabbed the beer and started to head back to Sam and Dean. "Hey hey baby come on dont be like that come on," He said as he grabbed your arm and you glared at him. "Dont be so stuck up im doing you a favor!" That was it nope you were not a charity case and clearly this town was full of assholes. Your drink went all over him before you were just out of there fine everyone won. You didnt know if the guys saw and you didnt care but out you were the door swinging shut as you started the walk back to the motel. Your boots crunched in the snow and now you wish you hadnt forgotten your jacket but you were determined to just let this night end now almost back to the motel now.

"Y/N!" It was Dean you....really werent in the mood. "Y/N! Hey hold up!" He shouted again as his much longer legs easily made it to you and he caught your arm gently. "You're freezing why did you leave like that?" Dean asked as he had your jacket in his hands and was already putting it around you. "Hey whats up?" He said as he finally got a look at your face worry showing on his face.

"Nothing look I'm greatful for the help you and Sam go back to having fun I'm gonna just turn in for the night," You said no need to ruin their night. "I'm just tired is all was just getting a little too full of drunks in there for me," You added and Dean seemed to sortof get that point.

"I...yea ok then see you in the morning," Dean smiled and you gave the best smile you could before heading to the motel. He waited till you were in your room before heading back to the bar shaking his head as that was a bit odd to say the least. He sighed out, he knew you werent ok but he really didnt know how to fix that as he headed back to the bar, might as well finish his beer and check on you again before hitting the sack himself. Sam was right where Dean had left him as he walked past the bar.

"Stuck up dump you too? wow prude much....or plays for the other team..." the drunk guy laughed and Dean couldnt really let that one go.

"Scuse me?" Dean growled out not entirely sure what he was hearing.

"Bigger girl good boobs nice ass wouldve-" He didnt get the chance to finish as Dean decked him, thats why you were upset. Drunk girls earlier didnt help they made it very obvious the brothers with you wasnt going to work and had said some other things that Dean didnt want to repeat and he had a feeling they had already talked to you before them. Dean gave no appology as he grabbed his jacket,

"Ill see you back at the motel," he said wrapping his jacket around him and storming off. Sam was left a little dumbfounded but nodded as he moved to clean up and follow behind. Dean high tailed it to your door. "Y/N....hey let me in," Dean knocked softly. Since getting back into your room you were almost asleep, lights off, in your pjs, curled in in this dinky bed...but now there was a Winchester at your door knocking. You laid there hoping he would get the hint you were 'asleep' as you sniffled back and tried to wish your already puffy red eyes away but he didnt easily picking the lock.

"Go away Dean," You sighed out pulling the covers up over your head. You heard the door shut and not two seconds later the bed dip beside you.

"Hey come on what happened tonight?" Dean asked wanting to hear it from your side.

"Dean....its nothing just leave it leaving this town anyways tomorrow not that big of a deal," You said still not even looking at him. He put his hand on your shoulder and you really didnt need this on top of the shit show you had tonight. "Dean just go away, can we just do this in the morning?" You asked as you were trying not to get emotional again about all this. Usually you could've cared less about what people said but tonight....tonight just everything rubbed the wrong way and here you were looking like a hot mess.

“No because you will be long gone by morning,” Dean added as he pulled the covers down to look at you. His hand moved over and wiped your cheek he knew you had been crying...he always knew your moods. “How about this then cause I know you aren’t tired yet, you find a movie and ill go grab some beers and we can have our own party right here hum?” He asked and you finally let out a defeated sign. “Right you wait here find a movie and ill be back,” Dean smiled as she stood up and left your room. You sighed out and headed to your bathroom to try and freshen up throwing cold water on your face. When you came back out Dean was in a pair of long flannel pjs and his typical cotton shirt sitting on your bed and scrolling through the TV. He gave you a small smile wiggling his eyebrows and wiggling in your bed making you finally crack a smile. “Come on look got three stooges on two cold ones and we don’t have to talk about it,’ He grinned beer in his hand. You rolled your eyes and came back next to him taking the beer in your hand and sitting next to him. You were caught up in the show, sitting here having a good time what happened at the bar seemed....to not really matter as much. 

“Thank you,” You said after awhile well past your first beer. 

“For what?” He asked looking at you. 

“This, between the girls being cunts about how I look, and the douche at the bar desperately trying to get laid thinking id be an easy score, this is a much better night,” You said smiling to him. Dean moved his arm around you and pulled you to him kissing your head. 

“Assholes aren’t worth your time sweetheart, you are perfect just the way you are,” He added as he just held you tight not letting you go. 

“I know that...but its just hard when you’ve been alone for so long....like I don’t mind being alone but....I just hate being lonely and when they already point out things I don’t like...just is a lot,” You said cutting it off Dean didn’t need to hear your sob story, tune you played too much over and over. 

“Then how about this,” Dean said as he shut the TV off and turned towards you getting comfortable against the pillows hand moving and pushing a stray hair behind your ear. “If you ever feel like that give me a call any time day or night ill pick up for you deal?” He smiled down at you. 

“Why...I don’t...Why?” You asked not entire sure why he was doing this. “I mean...I’m not ungrateful for the offer but Dean what if you’re on a hunt, or at a bar having fun....or....with someone,” You said the last bit quietly eyes starting to burn again with tears. “I don’t want to be a bother to you,” you added quickly as you thought you bothered them enough. 

“Hey look at me,” You didn’t you couldn't, break what little composure you had. “Come on look at me, I’m here for you right now, you don’t think I know how you feel?” he asked softly and your eyes snapped to him in a ‘yea right you?’ “Hey whats that look for?” He laughed a little. 

“You Mr. can get a girl anywhere?” She sighed out not buying it one bit. 

“Ok ok point taken, but that still doesn’t mean I don’t get lonely,” Dean added. “And just for my defense that rarely happens anymore,” He added. “But I’m serious about if you need someone, not exactly like Sam likes cuddling,” Deal smirked. 

“Maybe just not with you,” You laughed lightening the mood but this was nice. You turned and switched your light off before turning back into him, and his arms moving around you. “You sure this is ok?” You asked looking up at him from resting on his shoulder. 

“Yea sweetheart this is just fine.” 

That was two years ago, it took a long while a long while but Dean had been relentless now the place next to you was never cold. Now....you couldn’t give a rats ass about what anyone said about how you looked cause for him you were just perfect. 

[hopeheartfilia]

Honestly? I Can.

Like. If I fell in love with someone at 15 I simply would not tell them, the thing here thats most at play is actually the constant struggle between Wei Wuxian's hubris and low self esteem, and how the image that comes from that plays with Lan Wanji and his lack of experience and expertise in social interactions and relations

So we have Wwx "Yes he seems to hate me, but he tolerates my presence and I am shameless enough to talk to him anyway" and Lwj "The only other person I regularly interact with is Xichen, so obviously Wwx is talking to me because he understands my way of expression and that I dont actually mind his company"

But then Burial mounds happen

So it turns into Wei Yings currently fragile mental state, like our boy is One step away from a mental breakdown, and on one hand that comes in the form of All emotions are now anger and derision. Yes I grew up under Madame Yus constant critisism and it shows. I feel weak and endangered and so Im going to snap and say the most hurtfull things i can. I cnat teaste Lan Zhan anymore because hes smart and might figuire it out, so Ill avoid him. Wait hes trying to tlak to Me now? Why when he has never wanted to interact with me before? Is this cinfusion? It manifests as anger. He is so righteous and pure and I feel so dirty and disgusting, time to project and think that hell find me disgusting too. Oh no the thought makes me feel even worse, time to act angrier and pricklier becaus eno one can see how that hurts me

And Lan Zhan is like.... So no friends? Like honestly I dont really have much to say about it its kinda obvious on his face. Hes going like Come back. home with me, expecting Wei Ying to get it because he has always understood him before and then when being refused he gets not only his idea reject but his feelings, and feels hurt so instead of trying to think and act rationally, to try and understand Wei Wuxian, he gets frostier and colder and he still wants to protect Wwx but hes blinded to the full picture and doesnt really... Instead of being coaxed into more open communication, as Wei Ying is often known to do, instead of being slowly warmed by the suns rays, hes slapped with a blizard and retreats even further into his cold exterior, as their conversations turns frosty and from a talk between people who care deeply for eachother but have a barrier it turns into a yelling match between people who have their chackles raised so high and all of their walls up and equiped with spikes

And it wouldve been so easy, if their coping mrchanisms were even remotely simular. Becuase ultimetly the thing is they dont get it. Not that getting it means you automatically fix it...Look at Jiang Chneg hoenstly. He absolutely could see the coping mechanisms Wei Wuxian is using for what they were! But the thing is Wwx didnt really go thr Madame Yu route with his siblings. He just went and tried for something a bit more personal on one hand, and on the other based more on Jiang Fengiman. Which is partly why the Yunmeng brothers fail so muchbat keeping their connection as strong back then. Jiang Cheng is trying to yell at him and confront him, and Wei Wuxian is refusing to talk, to yell back and answer, he tries to sweep it under the rug and ignore it, because he deems it unimportant. And he continues to do that even after hsi resurection! He ignores it, just like Jiang Fengiman ignored all of those rumours and his wifes concerns. And shijie primarily uses that method of coping as well, which is partly why she deals with the situation the best. Because it is visible that Wwx isnt ready to talk about it, that asking only makes him close up and doesnt get you anywhere, so she doesnt try to pry information, to demand reasoning, but instead offers support

And i still think that there wouldnt have been anything that wouldve changed things after the sunshot campaing that Wanji couldve done but follow "Come back to Gusu with me" with "Then Ill come to Yunmeng with you"

Which, I know many reasons why he didnt say that, partly becaus ehe probably didnt even think about it. I mean, he is the second young master of Gusu Lan, his sect is rebuilding he is need by his clan and family, hwo could he go to another sect? And the worst part is that, without knowing about anything, the golden core, the time at the burial mounds. Honestly in reality one of the worst parts is that Lan Zhan had so much of the information he needed. Because all of those things that are true for Lan Zhan are also true for Wei Ying, and often even more. Because he may not be blood related but he is just as much hsi brother, and the Yunmeng Jiang sect was hit even harder them Gusu, as they lost most of theid disciples as well as Lotus Pier being burned. And Lan Zhan does know the state of Lotus pier and thta Wei Wuxian is head disciple, and that his brother just became sect leader and theyre rebuilding. Wei Wuxian isnt against it because of that, but it does pu in perspectivr how much of an emotional and not trought out at all reaction "come back to gusu with me" is. Because Lan Wanji is asking him to just leave his sect in a hard time without offering any further explanation, which is why Jiang Cheng is so pissed about it

And Lan Zhan also Knows that Wei Ying has never had trouble in class and is well aquainted with the material, he shouldnt have any trouble realising that Wei ying Knows of the dangers of demonic cultivation, but he just asusmes hes ignoring them out of displaced confidence and Wei Ying doesnt really do shit to refute that in any way, because he is unwilling to share his reasons

.. honestly this got so far out of hand. I was having online class in russian and I dont really like russian so I just got carried away writhing unessesary and unasked for meta, in a very unstructured way, without editing anything, and Im not sure if I should even lsot but hey Im doing it anyway

you know i really can’t believe wangxian took like 20 years to get together even though they were both in love with each other the entire goddamn time just because both of them SOMEHOW thought the respective other HATED THEM.

for 20 YEARS